#This man absolutely hasn't showered in like 3 days

[thehelltingvilleclub]

bill pleasepleasepleaseeeee let me treat you nicely im BEGGING to hold you 😞😞

"But... uh... thanks? Now can I fuckin' go back to bed, you freak?"

With enough convincing (aka wiggling under his arms despite his protesting) he'd let you stay while he napped his hangover away. Just don't wake him up and you won't face the wrath of Tsar Dickey.

and uh... don't mind the drool. or the mumbling.

you asked for this.

[sweetheartsaku]

(BLLK) wherever u go i won't be far to follow

𝜗𝜚 BLUE LOCK VARIOUS: LILLIES.

a/n: [fem!reader] GAIS GAIS GAIS dew we fw the bllk posts 🤤it seems yes!!!!!! sorry for the tag !!@infpdoll @amelielovess for u<3

— characters: chigiri, rin, bachira

part one ! ♡ isagi, kunigami, nagi, reo

chigiri hyoma ; H.S.K.T - leehi, wonstein

can we imagine him sitting on the bathroom counter as you gently massage the jade roller across his face after a face mask. his hair is freshly washed (you brushed it 100 times on each side) so the room smells like peony and coconut, shower is foggy and little bits of his crimson baby hairs seeping out of his headband (〃´𓎟`〃) don't forget to kiss his forehead!!!!!!!!

gives the best?? massages???? maybe it's because of his high maintenance leg, used to doing it on himself so when you groan in pain after a scenic date, he most definitely wastes no time rubbing all the sore out of your legs

PEAK of his day is when he first wakes up and you guys brush your teeth next to each other, he knows sooner or later he'll be under your grasp as your thumb lightly rubs under his eye, rubbing away all excess sleep while your other hand runs through his hair.

secret kpop stan chigiri... totally not self-projecting HUH WHAT WHO SAID THAT what is a kpop stan uhm ! is a gg stan, gets defensive when someone discredits his faves and most DEFO a kiss of life (julie biased), le serrafim (sakura biased) and itzy (yuna biased) fan. probably owns a twt fan acc, i said what i said 🥰

by the way, don't tell him you notice when blush graces his face when you delicately graze the side of your finger across his lashes.

rin itoshi ; soft spot - keshi

rin itoshi who goes completely quiet when it comes to you. not because he secretly doesn't like you or anything, but quite the opposite (=´∇｀=) ! when he sees you, he's completely speechless and ends up staring at the girl who just stole his heart (for an uncomfortably large amount of time). when he sees almost anybody, he always has some sort of venom to spit but when he sees you, he can barely find any words for love 🥹

FACE MASK VICTIM NO.2 !!!!! lowkey flinches a little (affectionate) because he more used to the hot eye masks he gets at the convenience store, when the cold peach mask makes contact with his face, he gets a lil shiver nd' it's the cutest thing

idc how generic i sound HORROR MOVIE DATES!!!!!!!! i'm so here for horror nerd rin, i find it the cutest thing on earth and i just just just. waiter waiter one glass of rin please ! if you're scared (me), he tells you when there's a jump scare and covers your eyes when there's gore or when there's a freakazoid on screen

loves to sit in silence and play horror games too, whether it be the bathhouse, platform 8, as long as it's with you <3 secret valo/splatoon sweat

face scrunch when you push his bangs back n' give him a peck at the crown of his hair (;´□｀)/! not a physically affectionate guy but with instincts as sharp as his you wonder why he just lets you pepper his face with kisses...

baby face.

bachira meguru ; never ever getting rid of me - waitress, the musical

HUGS FROM BEHIND!!!🥹 puts his hands in front of your eyes and tells you to "guess who!!!" but not in a super senior way but more like a "y/nie y/nie guess who guess who!!!!!" way. he's such a cutie patoot i'm dead

music taste range is INSANNEEE biggest fan of babymetal, knows every lyric to hitorie or 2019 genre gacha sabrina carpenter die-hard, white girl radio enjoyer i don't make the rules (me too bachira, me too.)

LOCKS IN AT THE ARCADE (he hasn't won anything yet. key word YET!!). his attention span per machine is very limited but tries his absolute hardest into getting a plush he noticed your eyes wouldn't stray from and stays there for a while, persuaded he's guaranteed to get it. "look, look y/n!!! it's right there i'm sure i can get it. one more try?" same with gachapons. how can you not love this man

PDA lowkey isn't a thing and tackles you when he feels fit. loves to spin you around and does not give a damn if you have two left feet, an unconditional loverboy and is just the cutest (precious) (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

i am going to bake him into a cupcake.

matching absolutely everything!!! keychains, exchanged shoe laces, patches, bracelets. on the topic of fashion he love love loves when you wear things that are a little odd (this is for the fashion girlies) like mismatching tights, oddly coloured charms on necklaces and/or chunky glasses :3

finds minion facebook memes and laughs.

[menagerofmischief]

could you possibly do a mark webber nsfw alphabet? i hc he's secretly a dirty old man lmaoo

nsfw alphabet -> mw2

masterlist

nsfw alphabet (a-z)

mark webber x fem!reader

a/n: I was already planning on doing one for mark when I got this request, so perfect timing. likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated! <3

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

He'll always stroke your hair and pepper kisses all over your face, praising you for how well you did and offering you water and snacks. Will usually drive you a bath, or carry you to the shower but if it's been a long day you'll both just cuddle up and fall asleep.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

Mark is pretty satisfied with the way his body looks, and hasn't really thought much about what his favorite part is. Maybe his arm.

When it comes to you, he absolutely adores your tits. No matter the size, he's obsessed. Constantly squeezing them, pinching your nipples, groping you ... Once he even offered to let you use his hands instead of a bra while at home.

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

Mark is dirty, sue him. While he loves cumming inside of you, watching it run out and then scooping it up and pushing it back inside - he also loves cumming on you. Especially on your face and tits.

He's pretty satisfied either way, so he'll leave it up to you, grunting out a "Where do you want it, sweetheart?" as he pounds into you like a feral animal.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

It's not as much of a secret as he thinks it is, but he keeps a collection of your nude polaroids you have given him over the years and uses them to jack off when you're not together.

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

He's not as experienced as some other drivers but definitely had his fair share and been around.

Still takes his time to learn all the ways to make you fall apart, because his experience in handling your body is more important to him than any previous one he's had.

F= Favorite position

Loves doing it in doggy, gives him easy access to slap your ass or pull your hair. Also loves cowgirl because he can lean up and suck your nipples while you ride him.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

He's not goofy at all. It's either intense or super intimate but he's definitely not cracking jokes or being funny.

H= Hair (grooming habits)

He keeps it trimmed but doesn't fully shave it off. When it comes to you, he's okay with whatever you choose to do as long as you feel comfortable.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

He really gets deep into the mood, no matter what the mood is. It all depends of the events of the day, if it was a long or particularly bad day it's more romantic and slow.

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Doesn't do it very often as you two are together most of the time but when you're not, he's like a teenage boy entering puberty. Will jack off to your photos or video call you so you can masturbate together.

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

Definitively exhibitionism, some light BDSM, and has a bit of a daddy kink.

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Anywhere, anytime. He likes your bedroom the most because that's where he can really take his time but he's down to go pretty much anywhere.

M= Motivation (what gets them going)

He's a dirty (old) man, anything you do is enough to turn him on. Just say the words and his pants will be on the floor.

N= No (something they won't do)

Will not share you. He's just not up to bringing someone else into the bedroom, no matter their gender.

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

You know that video of him talking about the Australian kiss?

Prefers giving, especially if you're riding his face. Will spend hours between you legs, working his tongue over your most sensitive spots and making you cry from overstimulation. If he suffocates, he'll die a happy man.

P= Pace (do they prefer it slow or fast)

Usually it's fast and intense, messy kissing, desperate pounding and deep groans as he fucks you like an animal in heat. But on lazy days or bad days it's more of a slow passionate love making.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer quickies or taking their time)

While he does prefer to take his time with you and draw multiple orgasms from you - he is absolutely down for hickeys. Will fuck you no matter how little time you have left or how risky the place is.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

He's open to trying anything you want to experience. Is definitively a bit of an exhibitionist so he loves doing it in risky places with high chances of someone catching you.

S= Stamina (how many times they can go)

I think now that he's older he really only cums once, maybe twice on a good day. But that doesn't matter you won't be getting multiple orgasms, because the order of things goes: his mouth, his fingers and mouth, his cock.

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Definitively had a stash of toys hidden in a box under your bed. Multiple different kinds, from dildos and vibrators, to gags, plugs and clamps. Loves using them on you and if you're good maybe he'll let you try a few out on him as well.

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Mark loves to tease you to the point you're begging him to do something, anything. He loves when you get whiny and desperate and it makes him tease you even more.

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

As soon as his lips part open it's dirty talk flood. He groans a lot and you'll catch a few moans slipping.

W= Wild card (random headcannon of any sort)

Once upon a time Sebastian had a crush on you. Once upon a time (post Multi-21) Mark fucked you in Seb's driver's room and made him watch.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in those pants)

He's about 8 inches, and he knows how to use it very well. It's not that girth-y but it's still a bit of a stretch. The tip is dark pink.

Y= Yearning (sex drive)

Mark is insatiable, he could happily go at it the whole day with short breaks and it would be his personal slice of heaven. Ready all the time, horny 24/7 and absolutely will make it your problem.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

He does start nodding off but will only fall asleep after you have. He finds it comforting to listen to your breathing fall into a rhythm as you curl up into him and fall asleep.

[bizbat]

When They're In Love - Jason Todd - 2

🕸️Spiderverse Masterlist🕸️

🐼JJK Masterlist🐼

~ Fem terms used for reader.

~ Mild smut.

~ You can find part one of these hcs here, and part three here.

~ You can find more of my works here.

~ Thank you to @the-best-of-the-myrmidona for requesting more When They're In Love Headcanons for Jason Todd!

~ SFW ~

He likes to sit with his head between your legs, in any context.

He likes when you massage his scalp with your legs dangling over his broad shoulders.

He loves it when you wear his clothes.

His heart always stops for a moment when he sees you come out of the shower, drying your hair with a towel, dressed in one of his shirts that just barely reaches down to your thighs, and rises as you reach up to take care of your wet hair.

Loves seeing your thighs.

He gives real "victorian man seeing an ankle" energy.

He loves feeling you against him.

He needs to feel your skin or your body pressing against his or he will have a bad day.

I feel like he always smells good, even if he doesn't smell good, yk?

Like even when he comes home smelling like blood, smoke, and gasoline, his natural musk probably still stands out.

Always catches him off guard when you wanna hug him before he showers.

He can't help but laugh when you bury your face into his chest to inhale more of his scent.

He likes it when you play with his hair, but also likes to play in yours.

Straight, wavy, curly, coiled, long, short, shaved.

He don't care.

Lay on his chest and let him play with your hair, now!

I think he can cook, but that he doesn't know a lot of recipes. He reads a lot of cookbooks though, so he always wants to try something new with you.

I think he always wants to impress you, but he wants to be lowkey abt it.

First time you come over his place, he scrubs every single square inch till it sparkles, but he'll throw a shirt over the couch, or leave out a plate, or something, so he can be all "Sorry about the mess, haha".

Like a loser smh.

I think he'd ask Alfred for a recipe that will be impressive, but not too hard or complicated.

I didn't include it in the last set of hcs, but im putting it here.

Jason would absolutely want to rescue a pet with you, I'm thinking either a massive black dog, or an old cat that has no teeth and has outlived three owners.

Something that needs love and hasn't been given it.

But, I also think he'd put it off bc he wants to be able to give it his full attention.

If he found the right ball of fur and teeth though, I think he might be compelled to take it home with him.

He loves to take naps. Especially with you.

I think it's his way of being vulnerable.

He'd let you touch his scars.

I don't think they'd be sensitive physically, but maybe they'd be sore reminders of his lack of a normal life.

That's why it's so special that he lets you of all people touch them.

~ NSFW ~

Loves loves loves kisses.

Let Me explain.

When he's got you on your back, your eyes glazed over and completely unfocused, his favorite thing to do is lean down, squeeze your cheeks until your lips pucker, and give you lots of sloppy kisses.

He doesn't mind all the drool, in fact, it kinda adds to it.

He'll wipe away the tears sliding down your cheeks with his thumb, before popping it into your mouth, letting you suck it off, before slipping his tongue between your lips so he can taste your sweat tears too.

He's so condensing too. :(

Mean, mean man.

Calls you names, likes to smack, spits.

I think he likes to display his strength, probably holds you up as he thrusts into you, no matter your weight.

I keep writing abt him and he's starting to grow on me smh.😒

Okay that's all for now! <3

[alicechess]

Art x reader part 2

Note: This hasn't been proof read, so my bad if it's not the greatest I smashed this out in like 4 hours. So not the highest quality chapter. I might fix this up at one point, heavy maybe.

@ch1hvro

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You felt ill after the shift, it could be explained, it absolutely could be, right? Just a coincidence, a man dressing up to be a dick, then point at the plastic ring on your hand because he thought it was amusing, and joked that it was him who gave it. Yeah, just a joke, coincidence. You settled on it being a coincidence. 

As soon as you got home, you took the ring of and but it on your bedside table, you didn't want to wear it, you were meant to Halloween night, but it completely slipped your mind. 

However, that night, you heard on the news he somehow escaped the morgue today, in the morning. The news reporters stated the injuries, and allegedly a few people who work in the medical field said how unlikely it would've been for him to survive. They then stated that the poor mortician was brutally murdered too from him, because of course he had to do it. Does that mean it is possible he came to your work today? If that was him, why? He didn't have any blood, or any visible injuries at least. He moved perfectly fine. 

You shook your head, there was no point in thinking about it. If you saw him again, then it absolutely wasn't a coincidence, as there would be no way to justify it. You then turned the TV off, then went to bed. The thoughts of him stuck in your mind as you laid there, the whole day repeating over in your head. How his attention was stuck on you, why that specific Cafe, and although again, the ring may just be him being a dick and not knowing. It still bothered you, all of that happening within the span of an hour. Eventually you fell asleep, your dreams, of course, had him there too. 

The next morning you awoke in a cold sweat, your heart racing rapidly. Once you glanced around and noticed you were in your room, you felt relief.

Just a dream

Maybe you needed to ignore the news, take a break from social media for a few days or even a week. You had no doubt some people would be talking about stuff, but you just had to hope you wouldn't overhear anything. Maybe it'd be good to take a day off, though you knew your boss would be pissed and so as your co-workers. You've barely taken days off the whole year, maybe 3 at most. 

You decided to send a message to your boss, explaining that you have some family stuff going on, and if you could take the day off tomorrow. 

Hopefully he'd be fine with it.

You started getting ready, after showering

--------

You walked into the door of the Café, the ringing bell irritated your ears. You walked into the back, you had to do a bunch of dishes from last night since one of the other workers had to leave early. Your co-worker spotted then greeted you, "Hey, you look like shit."

You rolled your eyes, "Wow, what a nice way to say good morning Charlie." 

They gave you a cocky smile, "I know I know, I'm wonderful aren't I?"

That damn smile was contagious, "Aww, and I've got you smiling too."

A small chuckle left you, "Yeah yeah, anyway, how longs your shift today? Anyone else in?"

"Uhh, till about 4. I have another job on the side to earn extra. And no, Laurie left about 10 minute ago, she had to leave early as she had an appointment."

"Ew, that's gotta be painful, and god damn it, it would've been nice having a third for today.

"It's painful, but moneys money, world can't go on without it." They sighed, "And I'm trying to save for a new car, the shitbox out there ain't gonna last much longer." They said, taking the eggs out the frypan. "Anyway, can we talk more during our break? Can't have customers complaining."

"Yeah sure, that'd be great actually." They then walked out with the plate of food. 

Your morning was a lot easier to deal with after that interaction, although you hated to admit it, they were annoying at times but you loved them. They were a great friend, and made working a lot easier to tolerate.

You filled the sink and placed the dishes in there, cleaning the least dirty to the most. More and more dishes came, but you tried your best to stay ahead. The dishwasher was going to take forever and only could do a small amount at a time, so this is unfortunately a job that had to be done.

After about an hour, you were close to being finished, and so was the dishwasher. After, you put the dishes away, then went up to your Charlie to check if they needed help with anything.

"To be honest, not really, business is slower than normal, which is a fucking relief." They whispered, so none of the customers could hear. 

"Nice, is Chloe gonna be here soon? It would be nice if she could cover the register, and we can chill in the back."

They shrugged, "Not sure, she's meant to be here at some point today but that's all I know."

You groaned, "Alright, since business is slow should I just sweep and mop now?" 

You heard that cursed bell ring, and you heard a honk. You instantly turned around, wondering what that noise was. 

"What the fuck..." Charlie muttered under their breath.

Your eyes widened, bile rose up in your throat. You stood still for a few moments as you locked eyes with that fucker, then you sprinted towards the staff toilet. You leaned over, the breakfast you ate not longer ago instantly came up. Your throat burned as acid tore at your throat. You clenched the toilet bowl as it kept going. You body shook rapidly from fear and shock.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Why is he here, it was meant to be a fucking coincidence. Do I have a murderer stalking me?

You weren't sure what to do, but after about a minute you heard your Charlie running over.

"Hey, hey!" They said crouching down, rubbing your back. "What the hell was that? Are you okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah...." You croakily mumbled, your legs wobbling as you slowly stood up.

"Stay there if you need to, I can handle the front for a bit." 

You shook your head, "I'll be fine, it's fine. Just give me a minute and I'll clean up."

"Look Chloe should be here soon, when she gets here I'll explain you were sick so you had to leave. Got it?"

You rolled your eyes, "I'll be okay, I just got nauseous.-"

"No, you're heading home when she gets here."

You wanted to argue, but you knew it was probably a good idea. You didn't want to see... it again. 

"Fine, can I help just till she gets here?"

"Yeah sure, just don't overwork yourself and let me know if you feel ill again."

You nodded, moving towards the sink to splash water on your face. "Alright, I'm gonna head back, don't rush yourself I can handle it." They patted your back again, then walked off.

You looked down at your shirt, and thankfully there was no vomit. So, you went back to helping Charlie. As soon as you were in the doorway you spotted him, sitting down. "Hey, is it okay if you could pass this to the customer in the clown suit real quick? I just need to prepare another order."

You nodded, trying to not show your fear to them. "Yeah, of course!"

While you walked over, you noticed his eyes were on you. You looked at the floor, knowing it was rude but you were so afraid. You put the pancakes down in front of the clown. "Here's your order... sir." You mumbled, giving a forced smile. As you starting walking away, he beeped the horn. 

"Did you need something?" 

He nodded, gesturing you to come closer.

He looked at your hand, a frown forming on his face. But not a second later is was replaced with that eerie smile. He stared at you as he purposely knocked the plate down onto the floor. It shattered onto the ground. He covered his mouth, giving an exaggerated 'Oops' face. A few customers looked over giving a confused and concerned expression.

Your face turned into a thin line, what the fuck "I'm sorry sir, I'll be back." You quickly muttered, walking to Charlie, "Hey, look I can't do this right now, can you please talk to the clown? I'll do whatever you were doing before. I'm just really uncomfortable around him."

They nodded, noticing you were shaken up. "Yeah that's fine, but what's going on? You look horrified, did something happen?"

You shook your head, "It's nothing, just can you help him?"

"Okay, I'll do that now, you just need to make a strawberry milkshake for table 5 while I deal with the clown."

"Easy." You immediately started to work on it, you scooped the ice-cream, poured the milk and strawberry-flavoured syrup and then blended it. You occasionally heard words from your Charlie while they were trying to communicate with the clown. But of course it went nowhere. As you were pouring the milkshake into a plastic cup, they came up to you. "I have no idea what he wants, he's not responding at all to me. I clean up the mess, but I don't know what else to do. Was he at least responding to you?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I really, really don't want to talk to him. He's... scaring me." You glanced at the floor, feeling embarrassed. 

"It's okay, I'll figure something out. Other customers are starting to feel uncomfortable as well. Fuck, Chloe needs to get here soon."

"Yeah, hopefully, should I contact the boss?" 

They nodded, "Can you contact Chloe first? We need her here soon."

"I'll do that now, I'll try and make it quick." You hurried out to the back again, pulling out your phone. You dialled her number, but it immediately when to voice mail. "What the fuck..." You murmured, trying again. And again. You groaned, then decided to send her a quick message.

Y/n: Hey, are you still coming into work today? 

You hoped she'd read it soon, then you dialled your bosses number. Thankfully, you heard her voice on the other end. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, I heard from Charlie that Chloe would be coming in today at some point. What time would she be here? She isn't picking up any of my calls. "

You heard a sigh on the other end, "Give me a moment."

After 15 seconds of rustling sounds, she answered. "Alright, it says she'd be on around 2pm till 8pm. Is she not there?"

"No, she's not. It's 2:30."

You heard another sigh from your boss, "I'll try and contact her, that's all I can do. Is that all you needed?"

"No, I was wondering what to do about a customer. One of them is making me and Charlie uncomfortable. He keeps.... just doing stuff."

"If you want advice I need more details." 

You took a deep breath in, "For one he's in a clown outfit, which in itself isn't bad but it's just how he's acting doing it too. If that makes sense, and he purposely broke one of our plates, and acted like it was all funny. He then wouldn't talk to Charlie, only me. It's just such bizarre behaviour."

"Normally threatening them with the police will cause them to stop, but if he continues call the non-emergency line for the police. That's it."

"Alright, thank you."

"Bye." She said, the line ending.

You walked back to the register to talk to your Charlie. "Chloe was meant to be here at 2. What the fuck do we do? She isn't picking up my calls, she's not answering my messages and the boss just told us to threaten the clown with the police but fuck that I'm not comfortable with it I don't know him and he's scaring-"

"Calm down, you're gonna be okay. This isn't a big deal you'll be fine we can figure this out. I'll talk to him."

You glanced over your shoulder to look at the clown. He was sitting there, his chin resting on his hands, giving you a wink. 

"God fucking damn it." Your muttered under your breath, he waved at you, then gesturing for him to come over again. "He wants me to go over again, what do I do? What the fuck do I do?"

Charlie bit their bottom lip, "I can go over if you like and try again, but I doubt he'll listen."

"Fuck, fine, I'll fucking doing it." You whisper-yelled, immediately going over towards the clown. You noticed most of the customers had left. How had no one called the police yet? Maybe they thought it was someone trying to be funny? 

"Hello sir, is there anything I can help you with?"

The clown told you to stop, raising his pointer-finger. He then went through the garbage bag next to him. You heard the sounds of metal hitting metal, making you feeling almost as sick as before. He pulled out an envelope. You stared at it for a moment, noticing brown splotches over it. It looked like dried blood. You also noticed how there was a bump inside. You were about to place it down, but he gestured for you to open it.

You stared with widened eyes, really not wanting to. "I'm sorry sir... I-"

The clown gestured one more time, a deep frown on his face. You were afraid, so begrudgingly, you open it. And inside was a chunk of blonde hair, with a small amount of dyed-blue strands. You pulled it out and saw a piece of someone's scalp was attached. The blonde hair looked identical to Chloe's. You placed it back down onto the table, stepping back. 

"Why.... what did she do to you?"

You knew what he did. It was obvious. But all you wanted to know is why. Yeah she could be bitchy at times, but she never had bad intentions. Not anything worthy of her fucking dying.

The Clown silently giggled, slapping his knee like it was the funniest joke in the world. He pointed at you, mimicking a horrified look and then continued laughing. 

"Oh fuck this." You muttered, Charlie looked over and saw the terrified look on your face. "Charlie we need to get the fuck out now!" You yelled, grabbing their arm, dragging them into the kitchen. To get out through the front, you would've had to walk past him again, and that was not something that you wanted. 

You shoved them inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. "Grab a knife Charlie." They didn't ask questions, just grabbing it off the bench. The clown was walking over towards the counter, where you'd pass food through to the person at the register. He stood there smiling. 

"Nope, don't look just fucking get out." You urgently said to Charlie, grabbing their arm and leading them to the back door. You unlocked it ran out with them. You rummaged through your pockets and grabbed your keys, your hands shaking as you tried to open the car door. 

"Y/n your tires have been fucking slashed!" 

"Oh for fuck sake!" You yelled, this time they dragged you. You dropped your keys while they pulled you, "My keys!"

"It doesn't matter Y/n! There's a fucking psycho chasing us." 

You followed them, running to the nearest store. You looked behind, noticing the clown was behind, with that fucking garbage bag thrown on it's shoulder. 

As Charlie ran into the store, they yelled to call the police. They didn't care about scaring the workers, they just needed to make sure the both of you were safe. The woman at the register looked confused. They ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind the both of you. They fumbled with their phone, dialling the emergency number. 

"What's your emergency?"

"There's a fucking psycho chasing after us! He's trying to fucking kill us!" They yelled, sounding hysterical. 

"Okay, calm down. Are you safe right now?"

"I think so, we've locked ourselves in a random stores bathroom. We don't know where he is right now."

"Okay, what did he look like?"

"He-he was wearing a black and white clown outfit, like the one from the news!"

"Alright...." The operator said, sounding like they thought it was a prank call, but they still continued.

"What store are you in right now?" 

Charlie turned to you, "Do you know where we ran to?"

You shook your head, "I-I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine." Charlie murmured, "We don't know, but can you guys track the phone?"

The woman sighed, "Yes we can, but if this is a prank call you will be in serious trouble."

"We aren't fucking lying, my fucking car tires were slashed and this fucker gave me an envelope with co-workers scalp in it! Get the damn police here right now or we could get brutally murdered!" You screamed at the operator.

"Please calm down, the police are on their way." The operator said, "Please stay on the line, are you hearing anything outside of the bathroom?"

Charlie spoke up, "No, it's oddly quiet out there, I... I don't know where he is. I don't know if he followed us in or not. We didn't look around."

The only thing you could hear was cars driving by, it was otherwise painfully silent.

"Fuck what happened to Chloe, oh god I hope she's okay. Please Chloe be okay." You whimpered, dropping to the ground. "Fuck I'm sorry Chloe, I'm so sorry." Tears welled up in your eyes, then started streaming down your face.

Charlie knelt down, placing their phone on the tiled floor, "Hey, it's okay, Chloe might still be out there. Probably not in the best condition but still maybe out there." They gently hugged you.

You sniffled, "What if that psycho grabbed my keys, I'm not even going to be safe in my own fucking home." You sobbed, "I didn't even do anything to him!" 

"I know, some people are just messed up, but you'll be okay, I'll make sure of it. No ones going to hurt you." 

Eventually, you heard the police sirens and them shouting. After a few moments they knocked on the bathroom door. You immediately unlocked it, running out. "Did you find him?" You asked, your eyes showing the hope in this being simple, like maybe he was waiting outside or something stupid. But of course, reality didn't work that way. 

"The only people we found were the workers here, I'm sorry." One of the officers said, "Do you have any injuries?"

You and Charlie shook your head.

"Alright, we're going to need to take you in for questioning."

--------

[solarmorrigan]

Movie Nights

For the @steddie-spooktober day 25 prompt: Frankenstein Friday Rated: T | Words: 1514 | CW: None | Tags: established relationship, outsider POV, I know the movie is over 90 years old but I didn't actually watch it myself until a month ago, so just in case there's anyone else out there who hasn't seen it, Frankenstein (1931) spoilers Divider credit: @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Part 3 of the Good Neighbors series

Gladys can appreciate new things. Books, television, music – the little joys to be found in new discoveries are what make life worth living. She isn’t as set in her ways as some people her age can be, but she does have her favorites.

She loves her mysteries and her thrillers above all else; the likes of Agatha Christie, Elizabeth Peters, and Arthur Conan Doyle line her shelves. She’s dipped into the genre of spies and intrigue, digging into Ian Fleming and John Le Carré. She’s even been known to appreciate a good horror film now and then.

Emphasis on “good.”

“So this is what passes for horror these days?” Gladys asks as a young man on the TV screen is sucked down into his bed, only to be spat back out as an absolute geyser of blood.

Eddie chuckles, glancing up from the screen. “Not your cup of tea?”

Gladys leans on the back of the couch, resting her arms there. She’d only come over to the boys’ apartment to see if they had a spare baking dish she could borrow; they certainly hadn’t invited her in to critique their choice of entertainment. But all the same–

“I just think they should try a little harder to really scare people. These days, it’s all shock and gore. All they have to do is shower people in blood and call it a day,” Gladys says. “I remember a time when they put real effort in.”

“Back in your day?” Eddie teases, grinning at her.

Gladys tsks, cuffing him upside the head – not hard, barely more than a tap, but he still falls sideways onto the couch with a gasp, clutching his head, and then rolls right off and onto the floor with a thump. Gladys rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother to hide her smile at his antics.

“Hey, will this work for–” Steve exits the kitchen, a glass baking dish in his hands, and stops as his attention is almost immediately diverted to Eddie. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Gladys attacked me,” Eddie replies.

“Oh. Good for her,” Steve decides, holding up the dish again. “Will this work for you?”

“That would be fine,” Gladys says, accepting it as Steve passes it over.

“She also thinks my movie is trash,” Eddie says brightly as he levers himself back up onto the couch.

“I did not say it was trash,” Gladys says. “At worst, I said it was cheap.”

“Okay, but that’s not better,” Eddie says.

“I’m not a huge fan, either,” Steve leans in to stage whisper to Gladys, “but it makes him happy.”

“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a critic.” Eddie rolls his eyes, then leans back a bit so he can look up at Gladys. “What would you call a good horror movie, if not the genius of Wes Craven?”

Gladys purses her lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever seen the classics? Dracula, The Creature from the Black Lagoon?”

Eddie lets out a thoughtful little noise, shaking his head. “Can’t say I have.”

“Well, you ought to. You’ll see where it all began, then,” Gladys says.

“And I get the feeling you’d enjoy showing us,” Eddie says, wiggling his eyebrows up at Gladys.

“’Us’? Who’s ‘us’? When did I get roped into this?” Steve asks, and Eddie reaches out to take one of his hands.

“We’re a package deal, baby, everyone knows that,” Eddie says.

“No one around here but Gladys knows that,” Steve reminds him.

“Everyone important knows that,” Eddie amends. “Anyway, what do you say, Gladys? Feel like educating a couple of horror philistines such as ourselves?”

“Well,” Gladys says slowly, “I’m sure I could come up with something.”

This is how she ends up in her armchair the following Friday night, the boys both sitting on the loveseat, all watching as the audience is warned of the frightening nature of the upcoming film playing out on the television.

“Now, this wasn’t Universal’s first horror film, and it wasn’t even the first movie adaptation of Frankenstein,” Gladys says when the opening credits come on, “but it is a bit iconic. I thought you might get a kick out of it.”

“But is it scary?” Eddie teases.

“Well, I don’t know about scary, but maybe a bit shocking. Look at it this way:” Gladys says, “it was 1931. Graverobbing and murder might seem mundane to you, but we weren’t quite as desensitized to seeing it on the screen back then.”

Steve glances over at her. “Do you remember when this came out?”

“Oh, barely.” Gladys wiggles her hand back and forth in a so-so gesture. “I certainly didn’t go to see it in the theater, I was only six or seven at the time.”

“Still, that’s pretty cool,” Steve says, and Gladys favors him with a smile.

If they aren’t altogether horrified by the movie, the boys are at least engaged, keeping up a running commentary that has even Gladys laughing. (“He had that coming,” Steve says when the monster finally catches Frankenstein’s assistant. “Yep. Rest in pieces, Fritz,” Eddie adds.) However, as they reach the midway point, the father onscreen bidding his daughter to go play with her cat while he works, Steve shifts uneasily in his seat.

“Wait, they’re not going to do anything to the cat, are they?” he asks, cutting a worried glance at Gladys.

As if the thought hadn’t occurred to him until Steve voiced it, Eddie sits up straight in his own seat. “Gladys,” he says, pointing an accusing finger at the screen, “you’re not showing us a movie where they kill a cat, are you?”

One brow raised, Gladys regards the pair of them. “You’re worried about the cat, but not the child?”

Steve scoffs. “It’s 1931, they’re not gonna kill a kid,” he says, while Eddie nods in agreement.

Both brows raised now, Gladys only gives them a little “hm,” and turns back to the screen. With some suspicion, Eddie and Steve do the same, watching as the scene unfolds.

“Oh, shit,” Steve says, taken aback as the monster tosses the little girl into the lake.

“Damn. Guess we should’ve worried about the kid, after all,” Eddie says.

“You have to have some idea of how this movie ends,” Gladys says, shaking her head. “Did you really think they’d form an angry mob over a dead cat?”

“I would,” Eddie declares, then looks down at Steve, who at some point in the last half hour had ended up tucked into Eddie’s side (when, Gladys isn’t sure, but it’s sweet; it’s a pleasant feeling knowing how comfortable the two of them are here). “Steve, would you form an angry mob with me if someone killed our cat?”

“We don’t have a cat,” Steve says.

“That’s not the point,” Eddie insists, and Steve relents.

“I would come with you if only to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed,” he decides.

“I’ll take it,” Eddie says with a shrug.

The rest of the movie plays out on the screen – the forming of the mob, the confrontation with the monster, the burning windmill, and, at last, the peaceful conclusion.

“Wait,” Eddie says, brows furrowed as he watches the end credits play, “that’s it? That’s how it ends? A toast to the house of Frankenstein, the end?”

“Yes…” Gladys says slowly. “Why? How should it end?”

“Oh, I don’t know, how about a little restitution for the guy whose daughter got murdered?” Eddie demands, shooting up out of his seat so quickly that Steve has no time to brace himself and falls sideways onto the loveseat with a little ‘oof.’ “How about a little accountability? I mean, seriously, this is just typical; some rich, entitled asshole plays around with things he can’t control, creates a problem he refuses to solve, and the poor end up being the ones to pay the price!”

“Now you’ve got him started,” Steve mutters to Gladys as he sits himself back up.

“Is there any way to get him to stop?” Gladys asks, though she’s a little fascinated with the theatrical way Eddie throws himself around the living room as he rants.

“Uh.” Steve glances over at Eddie and back away again, and there actually seems to be a little color rising in his cheeks. “Not, um…”

“Take him home first, if you’re planning to do something like that,” Gladys says primly, only to lose the fight to her laughter when Steve looks over at her, aghast.

“I wouldn’t–!” he protests indignantly, his face going redder.

“Are you guys even listening to me?” Eddie demands, turning back to face the pair of them.

Gladys declines to answer, asking instead, “Eddie, dear, how did you like the movie?”

“Oh. Aside from the ending, it was great.” Eddie drops back onto the loveseat, reaching out absently to tug Steve back over to his side. “What else ya got?”

“Well,” Gladys says, picking through the stack of tapes she’d managed to dig up at the video store. “If you like entitled rich people, let’s see how you feel about Dracula.”

[owliellder]

The Finer Details

Post DI! Leon Kennedy x f! Painter Reader

MDNI 18+

(Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4, Session 5, The Reveal)

Description: Leon realizes that retirement is in his best interest now that he's getting older. All of his accomplishments as an agent mean he's truly earned a painting to commemorate..

Warnings: Not Proofread, Age gap! (reader is anywhere between mid-late 20's and Leon is 40), Porn w/ Plot, Use of she/her pronouns, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alcoholism, mentions of trauma/PTSD/depression, P in V smut (wrap it NEOW), Leon cries during sex 💔

Tags: Older Leon Kennedy, Younger afab!Reader, Leon is SAD but he is your muse, Crying, mentions of Leon masturbating, starts off with Dom! Leon and Sub! Reader, falls into switch territory because that man needs some serious TLC, Praise kink, Hickeys, Handjob, Nipple play, Oral sex (m! and f! receiving), and a heavy dose of Aftercare

Author Note: I wanna say there's some pretty descriptive talk about depression in this chapter, just as a heads up. Anyways, it's my weekend and I'm going to be absolutely zooted every single day so the next chapter will most likely be out Monday morning PST lol.

Cross-posted on AO3

Session 3: Blocking In Color

It was nearly three weeks until you saw Leon again.

You tried to call him a couple days after he'd left that day, a few more times over the following week, but to no avail. The man was unreachable.

Even though you did your best to convince yourself that you just wanted to get his painting started, "It was an important one", you knew that you were really just worried about him.

You've seen this kind of dismay with the other retired agents that've had a portrait painted in the past, but they at least recognized what they'd been through.

Leon hasn't. You could just tell.

Looking over the sketches you made of his face, you couldn't help but wonder what exactly he'd been thinking about the last time he was here. He seemed so bothered, acting like he was hiding it so well, too.

Then again, you did drop a rather large bombshell on the guy while he was in a pretty vulnerable state, but you thought he knew what the portrait he was going to receive was suppose to mean. Again, most of the retired agents you'd seen were similar to Leon in that regard and even they at least had a basic grasp on the finality of it all. So why didn't he?

You nursed your bottom lip, still staring at the sketches laying in front of you while you sat at one of your desks in the corner. You normally don't come to your workspace unless you're actively painting, yet you'd shown up everyday in hopes Leon would randomly pop in. He seemed like the kind of guy to just kind of show up, anyways...

If you had just gotten a picture that day you've could've at least started working out the positioning for his portrait. Unfortunately, he wasn't in any position mentally to put up with anymore of your shenanigans at the time, it seemed.

You really did try your best to get ahold of Leon, eventually giving up a few days ago. You'd already emailed the President, who had been the one to personally commission you unlike with previous ex-agents, letting him know that it's going to be longer than expected. Thankfully he was understanding, knowing rather well how much the whole retirement thing was weighing on Leon.

You'll come back tomorrow and try again. Even the next day, and the day after that if you have to, and so on and so forth.

Guilty. That's all Leon felt right now.

He's been shelled up in his house since the moment he got home after leaving your building, withering away by the minute.

He hadn't showered, barely eaten, only ever really pulling himself from what little comfort his room offered to grab whatever bottle he touched first in the cabinet. Leon didn't care, just as long as it was something.

Chris had been over a couple times after he stopped responding to his messages, doing his best to get him out of the house. Claire had been over a few times more than her brother had, bringing groceries once she'd heard about the sad state Leon was keeping himself in.

It broke both their hearts, but they could only do so much for him. Leon was stubborn, head strong, he wasn't the kind to sway to many forces. He had somehow gaslit himself into thinking he was doing well. "Just peachy", even.

Clearly that wasn't the case, both Chris and Claire could see that. They'd have to be blind not to.

Having been in contact with Leon's government-assigned therapist, Chris tried to set up an at-home meeting for him one day. That turned out to be a disaster seeing as Leon was bordering on blackout drunk and could barely keep his eyes open. Not to mention the vomiting.

Claire even tried to bathe Leon. She only got far enough to wash his hair in his kitchen sink, using his vomit-covered mouth as an excuse to keep him over the sink long enough to shampoo his greasy, stringy hair.

All of it was weighing on him too much. He felt so guilty for making his friends feel like they had to babysit him, ignoring everyone's calls and messages, your calls and messages. That kind of thought process quickly spiraled into him reliving the worst days of his life, having to through suffer so many flashbacks and nightmares, not sleeping because of it. He rarely ever felt safe enough to get under the covers on his bed.

None of this is what he wanted. If it were up to him, he'd start all over; be twenty-one again, work as a cop, maybe get promoted a few times, find a girlfriend, start a family, have a normal life. Why couldn't he have that?

Staying awake night after night, Leon would stare at the ceiling in his bedroom and fantasize about the wonderful life he could've had, the happy memories he could've made. It would make him weep, longing for something that never could've been.

Instead, Leon was stuck with endless images of horror, death, and gore every time he blinked, and oh was he bitter about it all. So bitter, so angry, so...

Feeling sorry for himself was all he could do now. Sure, he killed all those monsters and zombies, saved all those people, not once did he think about himself through the years. Now he had all the time in the world to question and wonder, and having to think about himself and what he wanted most made him feel like a needy, greedy bastard.

But wasn't he allowed to be greedy, if only just a little? He had wants, needs, and though he wanted so desperately to change his past, he knew he couldn't. So, what did he want now? That, he didn't know.

Guilty for feeling this way, guilty for wanting different, guilty for wanting anything good for himself.

It took the better part of those two weeks for Leon to finally muster up some form of energy to stumble into his bathroom and shower one afternoon, dizzy and nauseous. The light emanating from the rest of his house was blinding, not having even bothered to close the shades he had on any of his windows. His room was kept a cave and that's where he stayed.

Leon now found himself sitting down in the shower just like before he'd decided to retire, only this time it was mostly to keep from slipping and dying. The last thing he needed anyone to see was him naked and dead in the shower. Embarrassing.

His thoughts at the moment were shallow, still pretty drunk from his bender, head lulling back and forth a bit as his vision spun. He was finally hungry again, the heat from the shower making that all the more obvious as he grew lightheaded, but he didn't know what he wanted.

After managing to actually crawl his way out of the shower, he dug through the pile of dirty laundry at the end of his bed, finding a pair of boxers that didn't smell too terrible to put on.

Leon used the wall heavily for support to walk out into his kitchen, muttering curses under his breath at just how bright it was. Opening his freezer, he stared at the meal prep containers left by Claire, grabbing one to attempt and read what she'd wrote on the sticky note attached to the lid.

That's right... She made him little meals, even putting them in the freezer so they didn't go bad as fast. All he had to do was put it in the microwave.

Simple enough, he could do that.

The one he chose was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Just the sound of it had his stomach rumbling and his mind craving the comforting taste of a home cooked meal.

The first few bites in made Leon feel nauseous again, but once those bites hit his stomach the feeling immediately gave way to just how hungry he actually was.

He tried to pace himself, he really did try, yet he managed to devour the food in front of him in a matter of minutes, only pausing every few seconds to breathe. It felt so good, something warm in his stomach. Filling in all the right ways. Once he finished, he pushed the empty container away and just laid his head down sideways on the cool countertop, closing his eyes as he let the food settle.

As much as he wanted to degrade himself for acting this way, reducing himself to such a weird and pathetic state, Leon didn't have the mind to. All he knew right now was that the warmth that the meal Claire made him. Not to sound cliche, but he genuinely believed he could taste the love cooked into it.

For the first time in what was now two and a half weeks, Leon was awake and alert when Chris and Claire came over again. He'd eaten everything Claire made, holding all the now cleaned containers out to her. It was a silent plea for more, and lucky for Leon, she had just made another grocery trip for him.

Unbeknownst to him, Claire had been cooking here at his house. This entire time he thought she'd been bringing the meals over, assumed to be leftovers from cooking for her family. She did confess to hoping the smell of the food cooking would pull him from his room. It didn't, much to her dismay, but now she was just glad he was up and eating again.

As soon as Leon tried to apologize for dragging her away from her family, she was quick to shut him down with that mom stare she'd developed after having her kids. It worked, especially on him.

Chris was busy chatting up Leon while Claire cooked him another set of meals for the next week. It was hard to converse, but Leon did manage to nod and him as the other man talked about some random encounter he had the other day while out driving.

It was strange to feel so lively again. Those thoughts still clung to the back of his mind, though all he could focus on were his friends taking care of him like one of their own. Leon feels like he's been a terrible friend lately, seems as though the siblings standing in his kitchen didn't feel the same. He wasn't showing it, but Leon was definitely holding back a smile.

A couple hours had past, Chris opting to stay with Leon and eat lunch since Claire had to head back and help her husband with something.

The hug Claire gave Leon was phenomenal. After the hug he shared with you he's been craving that physical contact more than ever, so finally getting another good squeeze from a friend was boosting his mood.

Chris and him sat, ate, and talked about whatever came to mind, eventually asking about you.

"How's the painting coming along? Do you like the painter?" He smiled, looking at Leon with wide, curious eyes. That man always had a smile gracing his features.

Leon shrugged, taking a sip from the water he poured himself not too long ago. He was pretty dehydrated after solely drinking alcohol for the past couple weeks. "She's alright. Haven't started the painting yet."

Chris raised an eyebrow, placing his arms on the counter and crossed them as he leaned forward slightly. "Just 'alright'?" he emphasized the word "alright" with air quotes, which caused Leon to scoff.

"What else do you want me to say? I've seen her twice so far and its been fine." Leon lifted his hands up in confusion, palms facing the ceiling as he watched the man sitting next to him rolled his eyes dramatically. "C'mon, she was amazing for Claire and I- Okay, how about this..."

Chris repositioned himself so his entire upper body was facing him now, leaning in a little closer to ask another question. "Do you like the room she works in? Cause I thought it was pretty comfy. When she was focusing on Claire's part of the portrait, I took a nap over on that rug she had. All those pillows mixed with the classical music knocked me the fuck out."

He laughed, shaking his head at memory before looking over at Leon again. "So...? And don't lie to me, I saw that pillow on your couch."

Leon sucked on his teeth and hummed, glancing over his shoulder at his couch. "It's cozy, yeah." He brought his head back forward, patting his hands gently against the counter.

The two chatted for awhile longer before Chris eventually had to leave, giving Leon a firm pat on the shoulder while shaking him a bit. After he left, Leon was left to sit alone and think again, only difference now is he felt better. He was crazy tired, his social battery quickly drained from having his friends around, but he felt good nonetheless.

He wasn't ready at the time, yet after a sober night with solid sleep, Leon woke up the next morning and decided to just text you, hoping you weren't mad at him. Calling would've been too much at that moment, not even have listened to the voicemails you left, or anyone's, for that matter.

His chest felt tight after sending the text, but it was quickly eased about ten minutes later when you responded with nothing but enthusiasm. The smiley face you added at the end of your message made him smile, quickly wiping it away with his hand.

Your next session was arranged two days ahead of time in the late afternoon. Leon wanted to give himself enough time to recollect since he needed to look his best the following weeks. You told him it was time to start with the main painting, which you still needed a picture for.

During that time he finally shaved his stubble, went out and got his hair trimmed, tackled all the laundry he'd neglected, and got his best suit dry cleaned. All thoughts aside, he felt good and wanted to stay this way.

Needless to say, Leon was jittery when he pulled up to your workplace again. He was finally letting himself feel excited again about this painting. If it's anything close to what Chris and Claire's portrait is, then that excitement will only continue to grow the further along you get.

You were already there waiting for him at the door, a gentle smile on your face. That wonderful soft perfume that he missed reaching his nose once more as you lead him up the stairs and through the other door. Chris was right, if he had the opportunity, he'd take a nap on your rug. It looked mighty comfy.

Leon was thankful you didn't ask any questions on his whereabouts, he wasn't ready to talk. You were just as excited as he was about getting the painting started, if not more. Watching you eagerly move back and forth between the larger easel and your desks was a refreshing sight to the man.

You stood at your easel for a couple minutes, just silently looking from the blank canvas to where he was sat. You told him to get into a comfortable position, prompting him rest his right leg on his left knee, leaning back and to the side so he was sitting at a slight angle, arms resting on the chair's armrests.

You stared at him for a few seconds, tilting your head side to side with your eyes squinted. "Let me just-" you spoke in a hushed voice, walking over to Leon before cautiously reaching out to rest one hand on the underside on his chin while the other hovered over the side of his face.

You weren't an idiot, you knew what his absence was from. So you made sure to be careful with him, knowing he was probably still pretty fragile. Only gentle and cautious touches for Mr. Kennedy.

So close yet so far. His skin tingled in your hands wake, and god he hoped you couldn't notice his blush.

You could, but you wouldn't say anything. Besides, you weren't faring well yourself, hands a little shaky as you touched his face.

Leon just let you move his head to whatever position you wanted, his eyes now half-lidded as you had walked back a couple times to get just the right angle. You pulled away for a final time with a small "aha!" and he wished you would hold his head for just a little longer.

The floor where your easel sat was marked with an 'X' made with painter's tape, making it easy for you to stay in the right spot for the photo once you pushed the easel out of the way.

"Don't move." You held your hands up after analyzing his position, quickly hurrying over the corner opposite of your desks to grab a bulky camera that sat atop a tall tripod. You worked as fast as you could, knowing as long as you had a picture with him in this position then this whole process would go so much smoother.

You didn't even have to ask Leon to smile or look up at the camera since he was sitting there with a rather dopey smile, his eyes remaining trained right on yours. Nice and natural. He looked relaxed which is exactly what you wanted.

Just as a precaution, you took multiple pictures, giving him a thumbs up once you figured you'd gotten enough. His head back to rest on the chair at the okay, listening to the sound of you walk over to your laptop after untwisting the camera from the tripod. You printed out 3 copies of the photograph and taped one to a stand you had brought over to sit next to the easel, making sure it sat eye level to you.

The ball was finally rolling, now having what you needed to start with the main sketch. When Leon lifted his head up, he noticed that you were ready, sucking in a sharp breath through his nose while he shifted a little to get back in just the right position.

You twirled your pencil between your fingers before beginning to roughly sketch out the chair, eyebrows furrowing as you focused. Leon could see your expression, how intensely you zoned into your work. It was incredibly admirable and he found himself fully content in just watching you do your thing.

It didn't take long before you had sketched out his general shapes, now walking over to take the sketches you made of his face out of your sketchbook to clip up right next to the reference photo. The more finer details would be added later, but you wanted to get just the basic shapes of his face.

That didn't take long either, because before Leon knew it, you were telling him it was okay to talk. He was pretty animated with his hands when he talked, so you kept him quiet until now.

"Am I easy to draw?" Leon spoke with an almost sultry tone after a few seconds of you telling him he could speak. It threw you off only a bit, carding your fingers through your hair as you took one step back to look at what you had so far.

"I wanna say yes and no." You responded, catching his questioning look from the corner of your eye. "You're easy to sketch out, yes, but your hair is giving me trouble." You could hear a low chuckle rumble from his chest as you stepped back forward. "Hey, you asked." You laughed back.

"I know, I know." He shook his head with a poorly hidden grin, tilting his head down to try and hide it a little better. You immediately pointed your pencil at him, not taking your eyes off the canvas. "I said you could talk, not move." Your sarcastic tone made him chuckle again, slowly lifting his head back up with a sigh.

"Yes, ma'am." You could just hear the smirk in his words, causing you to let out a sigh of your own.

By the time the sun had started to set, you had blocked out all the simple colors for the painting. Right now, it just looked like a very bland and abstract painting. It'll come together, slowly but surely. Trust the process, as people say.

Leon was in awe already, having stood up to look at your progress as you washed your hands over in the small bathroom. Oil paints smeared something fierce and as much as you loved your job, you did not want feel oily at home.

"It already looks stunning." You heard the man say from where he stood in front of the easel. It wasn't quite registering in his brain that it was him on that canvas just yet, but hopefully soon it would.

He wanted to recognize himself in something as wonderful as your art.

[jellyfishoreo1206]

WE ARE NOT SEEING ENOUGH OF MIRAGE GUYS

So I'm taking matters into my own goddamn hands-

Meeting Mirage ;)

Either Noah or Mirage might be a little OOC, but I'm giving it a shot

Takes place after the movie, with fem pronouns

Enjoy!

-------

Dude, where the hell are you?

Y/N was currently sent a page to Noah, her best friend of 3 years. He was suppose to pick her up from work, as her car broke down and is still getting fixed at the mechanics, but it was well over 20 minutes and he still hasn't showed. He was suppose to be there at 7:30, and now it's almost dark.

I'kl be there in 10 minutes! Domething just csme uo

Several typos, whatever the hell is happening over there is really making him either rush or panic... actually those are both kind of in the same sense.

Letting out a sigh through her nose, Y/N quickly typed out a response.

Yeah, yeah. Better keep to your promise, Sonic.

Not even letting him respond, the H/C-nette shoved the device into her coat pocket. Sure it may be the beginning of the summer, but she get cold easily.

And I mean very easily.

"Man, I really need a hot shower right now."

10 minutes breezed by quickly, seemingly in a blink of an eye. About to page Noah again, Y/N stopped in her tracks when a honk sounded in front of her.

Looking up, her eyes widen in complete surprise at the image in front of them. Her best friend, Noah Diaz, in a fucking Porsche. Well, it looked like it seen better days, but still.

"Yo, you gonna get in or are you just gonna stand there looking so surprised?" Noah shouted from inside the car, a smug look on his face.

Snapping out of it, Y/N got inside the car, buckling in her seatbelt.

Once the seatbelt clicked, Noah started the car onto the route back to Y/N's apartment complex. 5 minutes in and the two are making small talk and all that before Y/N asked him a question.

"So, what happened?"

"Hm?"

"To the Porsche. Looks like Frankenstein's monster."

Noah let's out a small chuckle at the comment, "Oh uh, some guy sold it to me for a good price. Because it was all banged up and stuff. Couldn't even start."

"When did you get it?"

"Got it 2 months ago, still has some kinks that need to be fixed. But we've made some progress." He patted the dashboard in a comforting way, a somber smile on his face.

"2 months ago? Weren't you in Perú during that time? Also is Reeks helping you fix the car?"

"Yeah. I think I made a pretty good decision going there..also Reeks is just helping me get the parts, I'm mainly doing the fixing."

"Mm, pretty good job so far. I could help with the paint job? The blue and silver seems to be fading out, but I think it a fresh coat will make it look gorgeous."

After she finished that comment, the car felt like it heated up a little. Not too much to notice, but just enough.

"By the way, what did you do in Perú again?"

"Oh, to study for a job I was doing..got to see some of the landscapes and all that..and nearly died-"

"What was that?"

"Wha-nothing! Don't worry about it at all."

A silence fell between you too, an awkward silence to be exact. He's a little more fidgety than usual.. probably from exhaustion. It's something he does whenever he's very tired. Man, he must be more exhausted than usual.

"Sorry I called you so late, like right after your new job and stuff. It must be tiring."

"Nah I don't mind, you're my best friend after all. Just returning the favor when you babysat Kris last minute." Now Y/N absolutely loves Noah's family. First time she met them, it felt like a bond just, instantly clicked within. So from that day on, she makes a little time out of her day just to visit the Diaz family, especially Kris. He was so sweet, and like the little brother she never had. So whenever Noah or his mom were busy, she babysits him, and brings some food so they can enjoy together.

"I don't mind babysitting Kris at all. He's like a little brother to me anyway."

"Yeah, that's Kris. Best little brother I could ever ask for." A soft smile comes to his face, maybe he should bring some food from that burger joint his family likes, before he goes home so his mom doesn't have to cook tonight.

"Yeah..Hey do you mind if I put in my playlist?"

"Go for it."

Grabbing a mixtape from her pocket, she inserts it into the slot right above the radio, turning the knob to hear what was currently playing.

The familiar rhythm of Virgen by Adolescent's Orquesta brings a smile to your face, increasing the volume as one of her favorite songs plays through the car. Every so often, she would sing along to the lyrics, taping her fingers against the door.

What Y/N didn't know, was a certain Autobot mech was observing her in the passenger seat mirror, noticing the small things about her that seemed to have caught even more of his interest. The moment she got in the car, Mirage had to admit, she was PRETTY. And the compliments she said? Wooo that was feeding his ego.

And she was drop-dead gorgeous, in his optics, he doesn't even know her one bit and he's on his knees just from the sound of her voice. Oh her voice, don't even get him started on her voice. Most purest thing he has ever heard since he had stepped foot on Earth. Got her filling his tanks with a fluttery feeling, or as Noah sometimes likes to refer to, butterflies. What a weird thing to say. (Ngl, I head cannon Mirage to fall in love FAST)

After those few thoughts, the mech started observing her other features. Her eyes, hair, lips, cheeks, hands, even the smallest of moles/freckles that were dotted across her face. Oh and when her smile plastered her face, Mirage felt his spark beat faster.

She was a beauty, a beauty in her own category..

Sadly he wasn't able to admire her much longer, as they stopped in front of her apartment, the sky now completely dark. About to open the car door, the lock clicks, preventing Y/N from getting out. Thinking nothing of it, Y/N goes to unlock it, but it keeps repeatedly locking itself. With a huff, Y/N turns to Noah.

"Dude can you stop that shit?"

"It's not me I swear! Li-like I said, Mir-! The car was all banged up when I got it, still got a few bugs in it.." And as subtly as possible, kept kicking right above the pedals. Not to harshly, but to get the message across to stop messing around.

Finally after what seemed to be forever, the car doors unlocked, with Y/N getting out of the car, making sure to grab her tape. Running a hand over the hood, not noticing the shudder of metal, Y/N waves goodbye to Noah before entering her building, already getting excited for her hot shower.

When Y/N was out of sight and earshot, Noah turned to the radio, somewhat pissed.

"Mirage, what the hell was that??"

"Whaaaat? I did nothing wrong. Also, ouch. Do you have to kick me that hard? I'm still recovering y'know." You could hear the teasing smile on his face, pulling the recovery card whenever.

"Mirage you can't do that."

"Why not? Not like she noticed anything."

"You just can't!"

"Aww but I wanna keep admiring la angel bonita un momento más."

"..what."

"I wanna keep ad-"

"I know what you said, but, seriously?"

"You gotta introduce me to her one day, Sonic."

"Mirage she's going to freak out!"

"Mm but what are the chances she won't? Pleaseeee? I won't stop bothering you unless you say yesss~" He coos in a sing-song voice.

"Nu uh, ain't happening. Just because you're acting like a kid doesn't mean you're getting it."

"Fine. But whenever you give her ride home, I'll just keep locking the doors."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Noah leaned back into the recliner, pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration. Whenever Mirage says he'll do something, he will follow through. He's ambitious like that. So either; Stay with the no but have Mirage be a brat for who knows how long, or, just get it over with.

"Sooo..Is that a yes?"

He was quiet for a bit, before letting out a sigh,"Fine, fine! Yes, it's a yes."

"Hell yeah, baby! Oh I already have so many places to meet up for dates-"

"DUDE."

------

So that concludes my first post! I like how this (somewhat) turned out, but it's a first. I've made some edits to this and the second part will be out soon, so I'm sorry for keeping you guys waiting!

Part 2 here!

[chiffon-and-spice]

RE HC's: Attachment Style, Love Languages

(Keep in mind these are literally all HC's and if you disagree, it's not cannon so don't get your dick in a twist. This is literally just how I see the characters. Most are bisexual because… it just feels fitting to me. Idk. If you don't see a character here that you'd like me to do, please let me know.)

Characters in this Post: Rebecca Chambers, Billy Coen, Albert Wesker, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Kennedy, Claire Redfield, Ada Wong, and Carlos Oliveira. (if you'd like a character not mentioned here done, feel free to ask <3)

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Rebecca Chambers-

Sexuality: Bi/Demi-sexual

Zodiac: Virgo

Love Language: Becca definitely expresses her love through acts of service. She may not be all that great at expressing herself through words, and being busy with work allows her little time to be close to you in person. She will do little things like fold your clothes if they're still in the dryer, make your bed, do those chores you aren't looking forward to, and so much more. She loves the idea of helping make your life a little more easier. When it comes to being shown love however, Rebecca loves words of affirmation. She thrives best when you give her hella love and reassurance. Not being good with words, she admires how freely you can talk about your feelings for her. It literally lights up her soul.

Attachment Style: Despite a lot of the struggles Rebecca has been through, she's pretty secure in herself and the relationships she gets in. Even though she struggles with her words, she's super effective at communicating her feelings when it comes to issues. Rebecca is also really good at self-reflection and will work on herself in all the places she falters, to ensure you two have the most healthy dynamic. She's super trusting of you, and does not hesitate to give out reassurance if you ask.

Billy Coen-

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac: Taurus

Love Language: Billy expresses his love through physical touch. Whether it be through gentle caresses or playful pokes and punches, he lovesss touching you in any way. He can't seem to keep his hands off of you. You go out, he will kick you playfully under the table, and in the morning he's the one to cling to you and not want you to get out of bed. Morning sex is a given with him. He loves to make you feel good, and he feels best when he's touching you. When it comes to being shown love, Billy is a big fan of quality time. He doesn't care what it is you're doing, he wants to be close. You have to go to the grocery store to do some mundane task, nothing makes him more excited than you inviting him to go. He especially loves when you take time off of work or other things to be with him. Knowing you took time out of your day and your life to make room for him makes his day.

Attachment Style: Billy hasn't had the best of luck in the relationship department, especially with his past, and it makes him weary of who to trust. He's got an anxious attachment style, and while he craves love he's also terrified it isn't genuine. Billy can be super clingy at points, and sometimes struggles when you don't seem to have time for him. He needs constant reassurance, that you're for him and only him. He realizes this about himself, and always makes sure to tell you before you start dating. When given reassurance, he is the happiest boy, and he will never tire of you showing him just how much you love him.

Albert Wesker-

Sexuality: Pansexual (this is actually not a stretch as his VA played him as a queer man Link

Zodiac: Aries

Love Language: Albert expresses his love through giving gifts. Bro is not good with words and not a fan of being touched. But if he's sees something that reminds him of you, he will absolutely get it. He will shower you in gifts. You mention needing a new set of pens to take notes, he's already half-way to the store, buying the specific ball-point or gel pens you require. Working late, he's stopping by your workplace with food from your favorite place. Have a favorite show or little obession, he will buy anything for you that relates to said thing. When it comes to being given love, Albert loves acts of service. When you do things for him, it makes his life a lot easier. Especially if it's something he's not looking forward to. Nothing impresses him more than you doing something for him, when he didn't even have to ask for it.

Attachment Style: Albert 1,000% has disorganized attachment. One minute you think he's absolutely into you, and the next he is running for the hills. He's terrified of rejection, but also craves acceptance. Albert sometimes completely shuts down and doesn't talk to you about his concerns with the relationship. A lot of the time, even he doesn't know why he's being distant. It doesn't seem to matter how good you treat him, he always has anxiety about your relationship, but if you're super patient with him he can be the most tender and loving soul you can have. Often the relationship may be confusing, and Albert doesn't really talk about his feelings. Sometimes, he can even be a little aggressive and lash out, but he always apologizes and begs for you to stay.

Chris Redfield-

Sexuality: Bisexual/Demiromantic (takes bro a lot to be romantically into you)

Zodiac: Scorpio

Love Language: Chris expresses his love through acts of service, man struggles with words like Wesker and physical touch can be too much for him sometimes. But occupying himself with things to do that'll make you happy is how he loves showing you his love. He can get physical every once in awhile, but he kinda does that with a lot of people, so it isn't exactly how he expresses his love. Doing things for you also allows him to express his love for you in a way that makes him feel comfortable. Like your coffee a certain way? Chris is working his ass off to make sure you get it. When it comes to being shown love Chris surprisingly likes words of affirmation. He can't speak for himself, so when you talk about how you feel it makes him weak. He wants more than anything to be able to speak the way you do, and that's why he appreciates when you do it so well. Using your words sometimes can be a bit much for him, and makes him want to pull away, but in the long run he does find comfort in them.

Attachment Style: Chris has an avoidant attachment style. He feels like he has to go through everything on his own, and if he isn't strong enough to do it by himself then it makes him feel weak. He can seem extremely emotionally closed off at points, which makes it difficult to communicate effectively with him. He has a bit of a negative mentality, that relationships aren't necessary and he does best on his own. Good luck getting him to talk about his feelings, because this man is closed up tighter than a shell. Most of his relationships have been in the casual/one-night stand area. Chris is the first to walk off during an argument, and can definitely hold a grudge. Being patient with him is pretty rewarding however, as he apologizes after awhile. This is very hard for him, but when he cares about you, he will try to better himself.

Jill Valentine-

Sexuality: Bi/Greysexual

Zodiac: Libra

Love Language: When it comes to expressing her love, Jill loves spending time with you. She will take breaks from work, and when she works from home she will seek you out in the house. Even if it's sitting in silence, she wants to be by your side. She's very dedicated to her job, so she can't think of a better way to show you how much she cares than to distance herself from work. She loves physical touch, and nothing makes her feel more appreciated than when you touch her. Especially on the thighs or arms. It drives her wild. Underneath that badass exterior, she's a cuddly bunny. When walking around in public, and you throw your arm around her shoulders, she never feels more loved and secure. Even if she knows she can take care of herself, having you around makes her feel secure and comfortable.

Attachment Style: Despite being a bit obsessive with Umbrella, Jill has a bit more of a secure attachment style. The most issues you may have is maybe not getting her full attention at times, but she will quickly rectify it if you point it out. She's effective at communicating her wants and needs and really appreciates when her partner does the same thing. Like Rebecca, she is also kind of patient, but she won't tolerate certain behavior past a point. If she's making a big effort, she expects you to do the same. She's super understanding of your traumas and past however, and will do her best to help you. She also encourages you not to be codependent and overall just wants you both to grow as people.

Leon Kennedy-

Sexuality: Bisexual (bro fucks a ton after RE2)

Zodiac: Leo

Love Language: Leon expresses his love through physical touch. Bro is so touch starved, he gets his cuddles in any time he can. Practically clinging to you like a koala. He loves running his hands through your hair and being big spoon to you. He covers you in kisses to, if the skin is exposed, he's going for it. Big fan of hickeys to, and loves marking you in easy to see spots. He also loves recieving love this way. When you hold his hand in public, he still gets little butterflies. Pressing yourself a little more into him, when you guys are sleeping, is the hottest thing you can do for him. Practically melts from it. He loves rougher touches to. Like you running your nails down his back or biting his lips when you kiss.

Attachment Style: Leon has an anxious attachment style, and is terrified of getting close to people. Like most of the RE men it seems. 😭 Probably cause he's seen so much death. When he does start getting close, he struggles to let go. He can be suffocating at points, with how much he wants to be around you. He wants to take every second in, because he's so paranoid about it being your last together. While Leon doesn't communicate his feelings verbally, you can easily read when things are off and after a bit of work he may reluctantly open a little. He's very hard to crack. Leon is very efficient at asking about your feelings however, and will gladly hear all of your problems. Somehow, despite not knowing how to fix his only problems, he always seems to have solutions for yours.

Claire Redfield-

Sexuality: Lesbian (cry about it)

Zodiac: Aquarius

Love Language: Claire is surprisingly great with words, and loves to show it. She expresses how she loves you through words of affirmation. She will tell you she loves you every single day, and she means it with all her heart. Claire is the type of partner to send you loving paragraphs before bed, and makes sure you get a goodmorning text every morning. She leaves sticky notes everywhere to when she thinks about it, with little things she loves about you. When it comes to being shown love however, Claire really enjoys quality time. Expressing that you want to actually spend time with her whenever you can means the world to her. Growing up with Chris, who's been very busy since she was a kid, she's always valued the little time she gets to spend with her loved ones.

Attachment Style: Claire learned a lot from Chris, which made her have the exact opposite attachment style as him. Being practically raised by him and having a good relationship with him, she's pretty secure in her attachments. Even when things get rough, she's always understanding and holds out hope. Claire has always been good at being self-sufficient, so she doesn't need to be around you 24/7 or hear from you constantly. Doubts don't really get a hold of her in your relationship, and she's super easy to connect and be vulnerable with. She'll even talk about her own personal experiences just to make you feel more comfortable.

Ada Wong-

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac: Gemini

Love Language: Ada never explicitly states what or how she's feeling, she's very much a woman of action. This is why she expresses her love through physical touch. Though she's not entirely clingy with it. If you're around, it could be as simple as her feet across your lap, while you watch tv. When it comes to physical touch for her, it's not the soft little gently caresses you're used to. She likes to be rough, and she will not hesitate to pounce on you. When it comes to being shown love, Ada enjoys receiving gifts. Not being given things too frequently, it means the world to her when her partners comes to her with something they bought specifically because it reminded them of her. Hell, even if it's not something she quite understands or likes, she will try to play it cool while freaking out on the inside. Despite Ada's distant exterior, she's definitely an absolute softie.

Attachment Style: Girl has got disorganized attachment style, one hundo percent. She's hot and cold with anyone she's with, and you always second guess just how she feels about you. You convince yourself that it's part of the fun, and the second you start to distance yourself as well, she's showing right back up. Ada feels undeserving of a healthy relationship, so when she gets a good thing her first instinct is to flee. Being that she isn't entirely true to herself and is always putting up a mask, it's hard for her to make genuine connections. Ada is sick of the mask however, and is so desperately ready to let it drop and be loved. Once you have her, even if it feels like you don't, you're stuck with her. She will harass you for the rest of your life, and play it off as anything but an interest in you.

Carlos Oliveira-

Sexuality: Bisexual (he came out to me in character ai, so practically cannon)

Zodiac: Saggittarius

Love Language: Carlos loves spending time with his partner. When it comes to his work, he doesn't get a lot of free time, so the best way he expresses his love by using what little he does have with you. Hell, he'd take time off just to be with you. Despite being a massive flirt, when things get serious he isn't the best at expressing himself in a way that isn't lighthearted or teasing. So instead he shows it, by dropping everything just to be around you, if you so please. During his breaks, he stops by your workplace whether it be to give you a little kiss or something more. He checks up on you with facetime calls frequently, when he's away and can't stand when work pulls him away from you. When it comes to being shown love however, Carlos very much likes things to be physical. Anyone can say words, he knows this more than anyone being the huge flirty whore (affectionately) he is, but to actually act on these things sends his heart soaring. And not just sex, though Carlos is very fond of that aspect to, he's more into the careful and intimate touches. Being hugged from behind, soft kisses along his neck, you playing with his hair, he practically folds over it.

Attachment Style: Weirdly enough, Carlos is pretty secure in his attachments, though I think he's cautious about entering a committed relationship with someone. He doesn't just feel that kind of love with anyone, and when things do go beyond flirting and hook ups, you know you've got something special with him. Carlos might not be the best with words, but he's an amazing listener and will gladly listen to whatever possible issues that may arise between you two. Even if he struggles with how to put things into words, he tries his best to open up with you as well. Carlos's work has always kept him pretty occupied, so he's never really felt too wound up about being away from his partner or having to put some healthy distance between you to. If you can work with his pretty hectic schedule, he will gladly work with you. Carlos is also a super gentle lover when no one is looking. All his rough talk and flirts are definitely for show, and the second you start getting a little bit serious with him, he gets flustered.

[ddejavvu]

Hi mei <3 I hope you're doing lovely.

I am absolutely in love with your insecure reader drabble as someone completely insecure because of past experiences and people being very judgmental to anyone who looks different, smells different (from air freshener), etc so it's really hard not to be insecure.

Which got me to think of perhaps an insecure!f!reader who hasn't gotten to shower, because she always showers before they play out of pure fear of Eddie thinking she's gross or something, so when he comes home from works and wants to fool around a bit, mainly just eat her out but anything else would be fine too. And so she's trying not to feel guilty about not freshening up for him and he's asking what's wrong. She explains it's just a really bad day and she's self conscious about her discharge and doesn't want him to feel like he has to do something that gross with her because she knows she hasn't freshened up and so he comforts her - tells her it's completely normal and okay.

pussy is pussy is pussy to this man a day of sweat will not change that.

this post is 18+, minors dni.

Eddie's handsy after you get home from work, he always is. By now you should expect it, but typically he's out at his own shift, giving you time to shower before he gets home. When his van pulls up next to your car and crunches leaves beneath its tires, you try feigning excitement.

"Eddie," You gush, stomach tensing as he squeezes your waist. He knocks his nose into yours, scrunching his eyes in delight.

"Hi, pretty," He croons, hands already wrapping around your waist and sinking lower to squeeze at your ass, "I got off early today. Sooo, that should give us, like, thirty more minutes to-"

"Wash the sheets," You pat his chest, "We need to wash the sheets."

"Let's wash the sheets after we fool around," He's practically giggling like a schoolgirl, "No use in putting fresh ones on just to stain 'em."

There's no wrestling his hands away from your ass now, and you have to admit an orgasm would surely fix some of the pent up frustration you'd been feeling from work. But the thought of Eddie changing his mind once he realizes you aren't as fresh as you usually are is a haunting one, and it strikes fear into your heart.

"Okay," You relent with a sheepish grin, "Okay, you win. We'll fuck. Lemme just pee first, 'kay?"

You're not really in need of the toilet, rather the pack of baby wipes you keep beside it. Maybe if you give yourself a quick wipedown it'll block whatever sweaty scent you're sure is between your thighs.

"Nooo," Eddie whines, keeping his grip tight on your hand, "You're supposed to pee after. Can't you just hold it?"

"I need to pee now," You lie, laughing at his protests, "Can't you just let me take five minutes in there?"

"I'll be quick, baby, like, ten minutes! I just wanna taste you," He pleads, leaning in to kiss your bottom lip in a gesture that ultimately breaks you down.

"I don't think I taste very good right now," You warn, letting him drag you to the bedroom.

"I bet you taste like pussy," Eddie grins wolfishly as he pushes you back over the mattress. You bounce slightly after landing, and before you're fully settled he's already between your thighs, "That's I left work early," He admits, face nestled between your legs and nose pressed to your clothed clit. He lets out a groan, nuzzling his face further into your panties, "So that you wouldn't have time to shower and wash it all away. So fuckin' tired of eating soap," He mouths messily at your cunt, soaking your underwear with his drool, "I want pussy!"

He only drags himself back to tug the waistband of your panties down, nearly ripping them off in his eagerness to get started. He licks a long stripe up your slit, tongue flat and wet to your skin. "And that," He grunts, eyes fluttering shut as he goes back for more, "Is pussy."

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hope you're doing fantastic lately and had a wonderful holidays! I hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to ignore it if you need. I absolutely ADORE your blog and have been following for the better part of three years now since I first found it. You're such a great writer and person, it's refreshing to see somebody be themselves unapologetically.

Do you think if Randall Boggs could take a human form, he'd look like Steve Buscemi? Most of the human fanarts I've seen of him make him too cutesy for my taste, they're still good, but I think he'd be a lot greasier, smarmy, that sort of thing. Like make that man look like he hasn't showered in a few days, with dark circles under the eyes, and a rumpled suit. What do you think, though? Sorry, I know this is random as hell and I don't mean to bother you.

Take it easy, and thank you! Have a great rest of your weekend!

I really needed to hear that, thank you!! You're so lovely and kind, I hope You're having a great weekend yourself ^^ <3<3<3

As for Randall... I totally agree!! He would be greasy and middle aged and uncaring of personal hygiene XD All he cards about is being top scarer- beating Sully. So while Sully's probably really good-looking (Meaning healthy, happy, strong.), Randall would be very tired-looking like he was working all night, which he was. Yes, unshowered except for those nice Monday's where he just washed up that morning but then it gets increasingly worse over the course of the week.

Steve Buschemi with greasy hair, sunken eyes, and unshaven sounds about right XD

[wrongcaitlyn]

AHHHHH OK OK I DIDN'T COMMENT ON THE PIPER/SHEL ONESHOT IM SO SORRY MY DEPRESSION HAS BEEN HEAVY HITTING AND I DID READ IT WHEN IT CAME OUT AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Shel is so unbelievably relatable, like the whole thing with her friends and her struggle to find new friends, AND HER TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT IN FRONT OF FREAKING PIPER MCLEAN

AND AND OMG TODAY'S CHAPTER????? GLORIOUS ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS

THE SCENE WHERE APOLLO TELLS NICO THAT HE'S HIS SON NO MATTER WHAT???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my prayers were answered I love them sm

THE HEART TO HEART NICO HAS WITH DREW???? Drew is so right but I can 100% see why Nico finds it annoying especially when he hasn't had anyone care about his reputation (someone that wasn't Apollo lmao)

MEG???? JUST MEG. IT WAS SO BRIEF BUT I LOVE HER SM LIKE SHE'S SO DONE WITH APOLLO 😭 also the whole "You peaked in 1989" HILARIOUS especially since Apollo corrects her too 😭😭 like who's gonna tell him 2002 was like almost 2 decades ago BUT HE'S GONNA BE BACK RELEASING MUSIC AND A LABEL AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF HE DOESN'T GO BIG AGAIN

AND LASTLY THE EXCERPT??? AGHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART OVER HERE APOLLO WAS JUST A BABY 😭 and the fact that he admits to wanting fame, to wanting the attention, but that the difference between choosing it and being pushed into it made it feel like a chore AND WHO TF IS LETTING THIS 16 YEAR OLD GET DRUNK OFF HIS ASS

That just makes his sobriety that much more important bc this man was codependent on alcohol from the age of SIXTEEN and now that I'm thinking about it I'm terrified of someone taking advantage of this man bc he's SIXTEEN going to house parties and clubs filled with adults AND THERE'S NO ONE TO MAKE SURE APOLLO IS OKAY

Man and we all know why Apollo craves the attention and fame like his father probably never gave him any attention that wasn't in the form of screaming matches and lectures about his work as a celebrity :( Leto probably overcompensated and probably showered Apollo in affection when he was tiny child doing child actor things but now that he's older she can't be there for him and AHHHHHHHHHH

I got more write but I'll probably put it in another ask THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY AHH TYSM FOR THE UPDATE

Have a good day 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL THIS ASK IS SO SWEET <33LKSJDF THANK YOU OMG

truly apollo just grabbed the reigns for that scene. like i genuinely did not expect to write all that, it was meant to just be abt delphi records, but then he DID and ughsdlkfj😭 i love them so much omfg give me their father son dynamic in every universe <33

THANK U FOR NOTICING THE "you peaked in 1998" "it was actually 2002" LKSDJGFSD I WAS CACKLING WHILE WRITING THAT FOR SOME REASON meg will never not take a chance to point out how old apollo is (he really isn't that old)

and genuinely i get so upset thinking about apollo from this au. like. i know that i pushed this all onto him and i created the story and the lore and whatnot but GOD HE WAS JUST A TEEN. HE WAS JUST A KID. AND😭😭😭😭

literally everything you said is perfectly accurate and i couldn't say it myself. like he just deserved so much more. he had no one to truly look out for him, no one to actually show him right from wrong, every step he turned was just bad influence after bad influence - and being exposed to those kinds of things at the SCALE at which he was... that's literally traumatic. and GOD i just. aghlskdfjsdlfr. he's literally top 3 characters in talk your talk. i think about him sometimes even more than nico and willDSJLKF

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG ASK I LOVED THISSDFJ <333 i look forward to more of your thoughts (esp apollo related, writing apollo scenes and excerpts has got to be one of my favorite parts of talk your talk)

[j0eyj0rdis0n]

You doing matchups? I've been wanting one for so long 🥲 creepypasta of course gotta love the skrungles . Lol I'm genderfluid but I come off more feminine than masculine. I'm 5.2 , petite is the best way to describe me . I have a septum piercing planning on getting a sternum tattoo for my birthday this year (my own design I'm excited) I have short bleached dyed pixie cut styled hair (it's gone through some things🥲) , dark brown eyes , pale olive complexion. I've been told that I'm flirty and "a bro" from my friends . Despite being flirty I can't commit for the life of me nor do I catch feelings like at all , but I gladly give out genuine compliments. Like most I'm shy at first but if I like you I'm a feral gremlin. I'm down to earth , what you see is what you get , very laid back and go with the flow in the outside , inside though I believe everyone hates me and I'm going over everything bad thing that could happen. I have insomnia and chronic depression . So I'm a sleepy type . Love games , tattoos , skulls , art ,makeup, nature and sometimes going out with the right people . I'm told I'm great to hug and I have a calming presence. I'm planning on being a tattoo artist while helping animals on the side Hope that's enough or not too much 😅 have a great week love ❤️

Send the tattoo design!! I looooove tattoos and I would be so happy to see the design! I hope you enjoy this and your tattoo journey goes well!

I match you with… Jeff the Killer!

Jeff loves how you’re down to earth and you have the “bro” attitude. He finds it easy to connect with you that way. When you guys hang out he almost finds comfort in the way you act.

He enjoys that he can do pretty much whatever he wants around you and you don’t give him shit for it. Anyone else in the mansion always has some sort of issue with him. But you, no such thing as issues.

Honestly most of the time you’d join in his antics. He’s also quite the fan of how you’re down for any sort of mischief at any time seeing has he has very minimal friends. (let’s be honest, it’s really only Ben)

He doesn't mind that you don't catch feelings, honestly it's probably better that way. He's a literal psychopath killer anyways so it's definitely for the best.

DON'T GIVE THE MAN COMPLIMENTS‼️

He already has an ego through the fucking roof because of Nina and her compliments... You make it 100000x worse. Every time you give him even a single word of praise, he'll go on and on about it for WEEKS. He won't let that shit go. You told him that he looked good? He'll remember that when he hasn't showered in 12 days. 💀

When you two finally get close (which will take a bit since dude isn't the most trusting) and he finally hears about your insecurities and fears, he'll more than likely listen while he's doing absent minded tasks like cleaning his knife or actually making a fucking meal for once

He probably wouldn't be able to offer much help considering he's insecure himself (exactly why he inflates his ego so much). But he'd stand by you and try his best to reassure you that you're probably one of the most liked creeps around. At least you're much more well liked than he is. He'll always bring that part up.

Aaaand he’s not a sleeper at all, and honestly he'd probably get bored waiting around for you to actually fall asleep. But in the long run, his sleep schedule will improve because of you. It would take a bit to get to him actually telling you he enjoys it, but even through all the lies you can tell he's happy

He's definitely the kind to ask you to draw on him. He'd probably make you design a sleeve for him as well. He'll be picky as fuck though, so patience is needed.

And honestly, he loves your calming presence and how you can be his rock if he actually decides to open up. But once again he absolutely loves your willingness to cause chaos as well.

I hope this fits and it was enjoyable to read! Thank you for the ask!! <3

[applecherry108]

Asking about your VLD rewrite

Blessed be the anon that reads my tags. 🙏

SO,,

First and foremost, black Paladin Lance endgame. Klance endgame. Shiro and Curtis endgame, but Adam is alive and we give Curtis an actual personality and character arc. Allura's not dead, Lotor is good, probably something about whatsherface (the witch).

Alright alright alright, SO,,, Lance is the youngest of his family. His family that suspiciously looks like the other paladins. So in this rewrite, Lance is used to being the mastermind and the scape goat. Siblings want cookies? Lance makes a plan. Mama catches them? Lance takes the dive. You know. Real leadership qualities from a young age.

Cut to the first episode. Lance takes the dive for him, Pidge, and Hunk flunking the flight simulator. Iverson still compares him to Keith. We then cut to Lance at the shooting range, absolutely killing it (so his sharpshooting doesn't come so out of left field). Boom, Veronica's there to give him a pep talk. NOW we can go back to later that night, Lance trying to cheer up Hunk by sneaking out, coming across Pidge yada yada yada.

We're rescuing Shiro now. Keith doesn't remember Lance which INFURIATES him, and we'll learn several seasons later in a flashback that Lance started the whole rivalry to keep Keith out of trouble. He was getting into too many fights with James and was going to get expelled, but Lance, who looked up to Shiro, knew how important Keith's success was to him, so he steps in to play a role. To divert Keith's attention and keep him from fighting James.

And Keith doesn't remember him. AFTER ALL HE DID FOR—

Anyway.

Blah blah blah, Pidge wants to leave, Pidge decides to stay, "PIDGE IS A GIRL?!" Spoiler: Pidge is a transgirl. Later that night, Lance goes to Pidge's room to apologize, that he shouldn't have reacted that way. And is it really okay to keep calling her Pidge? What?, she says. Well, says Lance, communal showers at the Garrison... He just doesn't want to use the wrong name. Pidge tears up. No no, that's just a nickname Matt gave her, but... It wouldn't hurt to call her Katie every now and then. Tearful hug. Big Brother Figure Established.

Alright, I'll be honest, I do not fucking remember a lot of vld. So, uhhh...... skip skip skip, fuck it, we'll keep Shiro clone because it aids one of my plot points. Oh right, Lance has a recurring dream of walking down a hallway with doors on either side and an open door at the end. When he was younger, he'd meet a man in that room, standing in front of a floor-to-ceiling window looking out into space. Now he reaches to open that now-closed door and is awoken by another paladin. He's sleepwalked into the Lions' docking bay. This keeps happening.

They decide to try out for Black's paladin, Lance sits in there too long, a feeling right at his finger tips but just out of reach. Black still appears to choose Keith.

Blah blah blah Lotor And The Ladies™️, Shenanigans™️, Shiro's suddenly back, Keith absolutely fucks off, Pidge goes looking for Matt and doesn't find him. Wholeass thinks he's dead (finds the grave) and we're going to sit with that trauma for a while, fuck you. (he's not dead, but I want this plot point to actually MATTER and not be resolved in 3 seconds).

Keith finds Krolia, AND WE'RE DOING TIME/GRAVITY CORRECTLY GODDAMN IT. So Keith is MIA for months. Voltron hasn't heard from him, the Blades haven't heard from him, but he eventually gets back and he thinks only a few days have past. BECAUSE IN INTENSE GRAVITY TIME MOVES SLOWLY FOR THE PERSON BUT LONGER FOR THE OBSERVER, FUCK YOU!!!!!

So he's NOT "mature" or "grizzled" but he's fucking mad. Gets back and still shoves Lance aside (Top Ten Anime Betrayals) and just wants to get down to business. He's brought a rando Altean with him, I straight up forget her name so we're calling her Blondie. They found Blondie in the whats-it-called, same as before. But she's the only Altean there and she tells them what Lotor's been up to (that's weird. that's SUSPICIOUS). Lotor suddenly goes coocoo-bananas and they fight, have a clone fight, why not.

Mostly the same, yada yada... While it pains me to still destroy the castle and have them get time warped 3 years, that part was Good, Actually. Terrible, worst writers you know made a good plot point. :/

Anyways, Keith's been jumpy and jittery, like he's waiting for something, and then it comes out that he was missing for MONTHS. What? No. He was only gone a few days! He had visions of the future even! .......The mental link. Connected. A handful of times. He was not seeing Future Visions, he was witnessing Current Events. Shiro had a complete breakdown, Pidge lost (and eventually found) her brother, Lance fucking DIED and he wasn't there for any of it. Here you go, Keith, have a crisis. Reevaluate some shit and FUCK YOU you aren't magically two years older.

We also learn that what limited Mother-Son time he and Krolia had in the void place, he learned how and why she went to Earth, how she met his father, and the real reason she left (surprise! he has a twin and it's Acxa). And he still gets Kosmo. Because puppy.

That Thing with Big Butch Lady and Red Lady, except Red Lady For Real dies and that thing that happens in the final season actually makes sense now. Lance is feeling fucking useless and can feel his connection with the Red Lion dwindling. Stuff stuff stuff, things things things... Interpersonal Drama comes to a head in the gameshow episode. Lance doesn't bomb the Name-That-Alien game—he gets too mad to say Rolo fast enough, No he can't name every masked generic Blade, and he refuses to deadname Pidge/Katie. The question at the end becomes not who should leave, but who should STAY? If they can all pick someone to stay, the rest can go. The others all refuse to vote because the power of friendship no one left behind or whatever. Lance votes for himself. Because this is a war. You put your best soldiers forward. The others are shocked! Blindsided! Bob grills him--is this really what you want? Lance responds by saying not voting is like a vote for everyone to stay. Bob gives him a knowing and confirming Look. So yes, Lance chooses to stay.

Lance gets zapped away and the others get a Stern Talking To. They come back to their Lions to find Lance in a panic on the comms. Confused and Scared and Alone. Everyone chimes in all at once, Kosmo zaps Keith over to Red (and then every one else). Hugs, apologies, healing. Boom, the Lions turn back on and we're back on our way to Earth.

We're back to Earth, Lions tucked away on a moon. Adam's alive! Joyous day—oh shit he is PISSED at Shiro. Not the warm welcome he expected. At ALL. In this version, Adam is not a fellow pilot, he's a medical officer, and Dammit Jim! he's not just anyone's doctor, he's your doctor, Shiro! And his boyfriend! And Takashi "Give Me Glory or Give Me Death" Shirogane ignored Dr. Boyfriend's strong medical advice to NOT FUCKING GO ON THAT MISSION. So sure, he's happy to seem him back and alive and well, but since he's okay, Adam's going to be mad at him. Because he thought he'd died! For years! And how could he do that to him?! They will continue to fight for the remainder of the team's time on Earth.

We're also introduced to Curtis who, no shit, in canon, was the comms officer that reached out to Matt for Mr. Pidge's Dad (I don't remember anybody's name, sorry). And if the jury will recall, those open communications are how the Galra located Earth. This man is bearing the guilt of the entire invasion on his shoulders because he made those transmissions. And he and Shiro get a bunch of scenes together to develop their relationship.

Stuff happens, blah blah blah, hey remember that scene in canon? Where they call their Lions and they all appear lickity-split? Except, in canon, Red doesn't respond to Lance right away? And he nearly dies? And it's never fucking explained? Well it's getting fucking explained now. After all that jazz, while they're recovering, Lance confesses what happened with Red to Keith. Keith already knows. Because Keith called Red. And it just confirms to Lance that he's lost his place on the team. That with Shiro back to take over Black again, he's not needed. He decides to leave the team, but he hasn't told anyone yet.

Anyways, I know I haven't been talking about Allura. That's because I've forgotten all the things I wanted to do with her, but her and Hunk have been having their own solo adventure stories and developing their character arcs this whole time too, just don't ask me what that is. They're important. They're not just the love interest and comic relief. But I'm clearly here for Lance content, so...

Post-battle, ready to go back to space. Pidge makes that comment about the cartoon, how Keith and Allura get together. Lance has an irritated only sort-of reaction. Hey, it's their last day on Earth. The others think they're all leaving tomorrow (Lance still hasn't told them he's staying). He invites Allura to have lunch with his family, since she doesn't have anyone else to spend this time with. She declines, she and Blondie are doing research on that Altean-slash-battery person. That's fine, he understands. He runs into Keith. Keith? What're you doing here? Why aren't you spending time with—shit, not family but like....Shiro and Adam? Keith laughs awkwardly and talks about how those two are still fighting and no thanks, he does not want any part of that. Lance invites him to lunch with his family.

Remember all those soft looks Keith always gave Lance in canon? That amounted to nothing? Well here's some more, and they actually mean something now. And My God, does Keith eat up being in a large chaotic family setting. It's like all he's ever wanted was to be surrounded by people that love him.

Anyways, nothing explicitly romantic happens, but on their way back (there's a big going away party at the garrison), Lance finally confides in Keith that he's not leaving. Keith.exe stops working. And while he's having this mental meltdown Lance asks him not to tell the others, that he wants to tell them himself at the party. Keith respects his decision.

At the party, he decides to tell Shiro first. And boy howdy is Shiro blasted. Absolutely smashed off his ass. Lance gets to have a conversation with a way-too-honest drunk Shiro. Firstly, he and Adam officially broke up. Because duh, Shiro's going back to space and that was Adam's ultimatum. Hence, alcohol. Second, when Lance tells him he's not leaving, drunk Shiro gets really emotional for some reason and starts apologizing. Apparently, when Keith made fighter pilot and Lance didn't, that was Shiro. Lance was supposed to be promoted (Keith's issues with authority were holding him back), but Shiro, as a high ranking officer, overruled that decision. He goes on to talk about how he projected onto Keith. That he saw himself in him, and he wanted to give this kid every opportunity that Shiro wouldn't get because that disease or whatever was supposed to put him in an early grave. He projected all his dreams onto this gifted orphan kid, that he never really considered what Keith wanted. Keith didn't care about going to space or being a pilot, he just wanted to be somewhere where he belonged, where he could help others. He never wanted to be leader.

Shiro takes a big chug of booze.

Black chose Lance. When he was stuck in the astral plane, bound to the Black Lion, Black tried to choose Lance and Shiro overruled that decision. Just like he overruled his promotion in school. Because Shiro wanted Keith to have what Shiro wanted, everyone else be damned.

Lance is shocked. He doesn't know what to think. Is he mad? Is he relieved?

Sidebar, bc idk where else to put this, that hallway dream I mentioned before? It was Lance connecting with the Lions. When he goes into any other door he has a moment of, Is that Allura? Oh wait, it's his sister Rachel on the beach they grew up next to. Is that Pidge in the garden? No it's Veronica. Etc etc. And each time Lance will say he wants to stay there with his loved one. They smile sadly, tell him they'd love for him to stay, but he doesn't belong there. What I failed to mention before is that we actually see Lance pilot every Lion at some point. Blue and Red sure, but Green to save Pidge and Yellow when Hunk was in danger. Lance can pilot every Lion. Here's that twist: Lance is Voltron. There is no Voltron without Lance. Here's where we loop in why his siblings look like the other paladins--because it's Lance's connection to them that makes them paladins. It's their dynamics. Lance could technically deem anyone worthy to be a paladin, but unconsciously or not, it's all him. Allura was meant to have Blue right out of the gate. Because Lance can connect to any Lion, that's why he was able to pilot Blue at first. But there was a communication error, and Allura called Shiro the leader, and because Lance agreed and looked up to him, the Lions accepted it too. It's not until Shiro "dies" and gets tied to Black and fucks with everything that that connection is disturbed. Why that door in his dream is suddenly closed. Shiro overruled Black and the Lions sent Lance to Red since Allura was always meant to have Blue. Lance could pilot any of them but he's meant to be the Black Paladin.

Anyways,,, so drunk Shiro spills the beans, Lance takes his rightful place as leader and Keith goes back to the role that most befits his fucking character arc--support. Right hand man. Not the leader, but the one that's going to jump to help before anyone else. Fuck you, LM and JDS. And like, Lance the Strategist and Fuck You he was the de facto leader when Kuron was melting down and Keith was MIA anyway and he was GOOD AT IT I AM OWED FINANCIAL COMPENSATION—

Anyway.

Have I ever mentioned how I’ve only watched the final season once? In a single sitting? At midnight on my birthday when it was released in 2018? So my memory is foggy but my anger is real.

Surprise! Blondie is actually witch lady! (Which iirc was an actual twist in the original 80s cartoon). And psych!! It was HER altean death camp all along!! Lotor had nothing to do with it and she used her magic to make him lose his marbles and fight them! And god help me I cannot fucking remember what her canonical villain plot even was, so maybe she still went crazy and did some stupid multi-dimensional bullshit to get her family back. So then why kill Lotor before? Right, because he founded the Blades. He’s thousands of years old, and from a relatively young age was against the way his family was running things, so he started the Blades. He and Acxa were working undercover during all that s3/s4 nonsense. Witch lady finds that out and perceives it as a betrayal. Kills him, wants to start fresh with a younger, more impressionable son.

Again, she nearly fucks all of existence but the gang stops her just in time. Allura tries to sacrifice herself but free-from-quintessence-poisoning witch saves fuck that, you’ve lost enough. And cleans up her own damn mess her own damn self.

Universe saved, galra home world unfucked, lotor no longer a quintessence mummy, but no Altea. Altea is GONE but galra world was mostly still there. A bunch of alteans-in-hiding finally come out of the woodwork, and the ones from the quint farm are free. Blondie is still not a real person, though.

The lions do not fuck off to god knows where, allura is alive, lotor is at her side, and that ties up all the main threads or whatever, and we get to end with universal peace and the defender of the universe is still out there doing good, dismantling the remains of the empire which, without the quint-poisoned overlords, is not all that much of a dire threat. They’re still an empire that’s done war crimes, but at least there’s no more giant monsters, y’feel?

Oh right, I’m missing a part in the middle—remember that alt dimension episode in like s3? With evil alteans? Yeah that, but with explicit Evil Quint-Crazed Immortal Allura and Resistance Leader Lotor. Like. Explicit foreshadowing. It’s also meant to bridge the gap of Allura making peace with Keith being galra and the start of keith being vulnerable around Lance, so.

It’s been 5 years and I’m still mad, but it’s been 5 years and my memory is not so great so ta-da, that’s the gist of my fuck-you-Lance-is-the-main-character rewrite. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[nimuetheseawitch]

2, 3, 14, 15, 29

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Yes. All the time. I pretty much write entirely for me (and am pleasantly surprised when other people like it too).

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Gosh, this is really hard. They're all my babies. If I really have to pick one, I guess it would be Sitting here tonight because I'm a sucker for pining and love letters and this series is really dear to me, even if I'm super blocked on it right now and cannot manage to work on the next installment.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

I don't think most of them have anywhere near enough plot to make much of a film, but I think Autopilot would make a really cute comic.

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

I almost always go looking for lyrics that work. I don't usually bother naming chapters unless I'm really trying to use lyrics throughout. Sometimes though, I try for something pithy. If I can't find a good song or a pithy title that works, I usually just go for something basically descriptive.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Oh man, I dug into the archives for this one. This is a WIP that hasn't seen the light of day in ages, and that I'm never planning on finishing. I think I already started using it for spare parts because apparently this is from chapter 6, and I have absolutely no clue what was supposed to come before this. I also have no idea what I had planned as an actual plot. But this was supposed to be a MASH post-war reunion fic. I'll put it under the cut since this post is getting long.

Hawkeye slowly opens the door and calls out "Beej?"

The room is dark, but the light is on in the bathroom, and there's the damp scent of a recent shower and hotel soap. After looking around the room to make sure, Hawkeye gently knocks on the door. "Hey Beej, it's me and Father Mulcahy, can we come in?"

"I'm not really dressed for church." Hawkeye cringes, that wasn't even close to funny. But he gently pushes open the door and finds BJ sitting on the floor in his shorts and undershirt holding a razor and wearing half a mustache. He tries really, really hard not to laugh, but after letting in Father Mulcahy and seeing the look on his face, he just can't.

In no time, he's holding onto the edge of the sink in a futile attempt to keep himself upright because he's laughing so hard. He just keeps pointing and then miming a mustache on his own face while Mulcahy looks completely at a loss and BJ turns bright pink. It looks like he's trapped somewhere between joining in or punching something.

Mulcahy takes the plunge and asks, "What happened?"

"I thought I should get rid of it, but then I got halfway through and I couldn't recognize myself without it."

"I'm not sure half a mustache is going to do you much good."

Hawkeye realizes he's being left out of the conversation and stops laughing enough to open his eyes, free up his hands and contribute, "Remember that time when I did that to you in your sleep? I think it's perfect. You should keep it!"

Father Mulcahy adds, "Well, it is quite a showstopper."

At that, BJ gives in and starts laughing too. Then he catches a look at himself in the mirror and laughs again and again until he's crying too. Then he pulls Hawkeye and Father Mulcahy into an awkward hug as the laughter turns a little bit more into tears. He holds onto them loosely and somehow manages to get them all through the door and finally lets go in order to pull on his pants.

[sassypotatoe1]

I don't know who needs to hear this but you're like, totally allowed to be wrong about things. Like it's so much better for your mental health to go "oh really? Cool! Now I know for the future!" and it looks like I'm referencing my blunder with the jury rigging post but only a tiny bit because I did feel some shame for getting it wrong, but what made me write this post is actually a story my dad told me last night.

So my dad is a building inspector and civil engineer for the province, and he's a genius in construction and quality control, and for extra income he builds shit for people in town. He's redone like, 3 different bathrooms for roadhouse restaurants in town, he's installed more kitchen cabinets than he can count, and recently a friend of his got a massive promotion and a new wife with a huge inheritance and really fine taste.

So they do what all middle aged suddenly rich people do, and they remodel. My dad, wanting some income to boost his retirement and wanting to help out a friend, took up the job of installing all the closets and cabinets for the new kitchen, both bedrooms and the granny flat in the back.

He also offered to inspect the other contractors' work to make sure they're getting their money's worth, because that's kinda literally his day job and he is very good at it. Recently they hired a tiler, and my dad met with him to talk about what needs to be done and give him the quantity survey report.

As they're touring the house and my dad is pointing out what needs tiling, this guy has something to say about everything the other contractors did, the plumbing, the electrics, the literally perfectly square and symmetrical cabinetry that my dad installed, the window paning, he has something negative to say about all of it, which is literally fine when you're constructing a living space you should welcome criticism from others in the field.

The issue, however, comes in when he fucks up the shower mosaic and the feature windowsill by the front entrance. Everything else is almost perfect he is a skilled and experienced tiler, he also got hasty with the last two because it was getting dark and rather than stop and continue the next morning he pushed through to finish in one day.

All good and well the mortar hasn't properly set yet and he hasn't done the grout for any of it, the tiles will be easy to remove and redo. Except when my dad points out that the shower won't drain because the mosaic floor isn't level, and that the tiles on the feature windowsill is bowed, this man absolutely LOSES his mind. He's ranting and raving about how there's nothing wrong with his tiling, how it's unprofessional to give unsolicited criticism, saying "if you can do so much better just tile it yourself". Then he just leaves.

My brother in secular camaraderie were you not commenting about how you'll do better than every other contractor during the site tour? How they all failed at their jobs?

Anyway don't be like tiles Mcgee if you make a mistake, instead of fighting about it because you're embarrassed, souring interactions and relationships and as a result walking away with even more shame and embarrassment and now anger too, try stepping back for a moment, sitting with your shame, allowing yourself to feel it, then when your whole entire body doesn't feel like it's on fire and covered in ice anymore, allow yourself to think it through. Think about why you were wrong, how much it actually matters in the bigger picture, why your gut reaction was such heavy shame, and if it's a proportionate reaction.

When you've worked your way through all that, THEN you respond. If there's no time for that period of processing, you have to make it. You have to go "sorry I'm feeling really embarrassed right now, can I have a moment to calm down so I can give a proportionate response?" and then you take that time.

It takes practice, I've been doing this exercise for 7 years now and I still only get it right about 60% of the time. I still get viscerally angry and defensive over minor mistakes, I feel so embarrassed that I don't know how to cope and I end up projecting my shame and anger onto someone else, usually the trigger of my shame.

It's going to happen a lot, for a long time, especially if you grew up in a household or system that harshly punished any mistake, minor or otherwise, but it's better for you and everyone around you to try to practice this. You're allowed to make mistakes, and you're just one person, you're incredibly unlikely to end the world if you make a mistake, so don't take yourself too seriously.