#This is truly all I'm going to say. I've got nothing else

[studentbyday]

{ 05.11.24 } · { 50 days of routine } · { day 7 }

I was never “popular” at school. Not that I ever cared to be. I don't have the personality for it. And I don't really care to have the personality for it either. I'm not and never will be That Girl™ material, a “high-value woman”, or whatever feminine persona is trendy on TikTok these days (and i'm not even ON TikTok, but ofc the trends spread everywhere like wildfire) because I don't look the part (nor do I want to...i quite like my personal style) or think or speak or act the way she would if it goes against my values and/or it won't actually improve my wellbeing. I say I don't care. And I really truly don't because a lot of it and what it leads to is straight-up problematic for my personal case, running counter to the life I want to live and all my reasons why. But as with anything, being yourself has its pros and cons.

Sometimes I still feel like it's hard to truly belong anywhere...even the places I make for myself like this blog... Sometimes when I feel like this, I feel like the only place I most belong is in my head. It's not good. That's not where I need to be, nor do I need to be much concerned about trends on social media and what drives people to follow them. And I certainly don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I need to be in the real world and focused on my work only because I think it's worth it and because I think I'm worth it as I am.

I'm not sure why I felt like saying this.

~~~Friendly PSA: STOP 🖐🏻 scrolling social media of any kind when feeling low in self-esteem.~~~

got up at 7, continued filling in the CBT workbook then decided to move my answers elsewhere because the annotating feature in the ebook app is getting annoying, started my day at 8 with the usual minimalist morning routine

10/30 mins of the same beginner pilates workout i did a few days ago except i forgot to breathe and ended up so light-headed i couldn't go anymore...

filling in CBT workbook because i can't get the reflection questions out of my head until i answer them... 😣 so far, nothing new has been revealed to me, but in the busy-ness of the day-to-day, i tend to neglect ALL the other dimensions of my life and then forget that that's why i feel so shitty and the problem is the self-prompted reflection i tend to do at this time carries a lot of negativity and pessimism and comparison and judgment and it's not very organized, it's actually not organized at all, it's always just a word vomit. but when i do it now, with the tone of the categorized prompts not being judgy at all, i'm able to look at my problems more objectively and holistically and like "oh okay, i'm not doing as bad in this dimension as i thought and the REAL problem is this other dimension of life and all the specific things you mention are lacking here" and idk, sometimes i think it's weird that my brain works this way, it's like i was looking at the same picture the entire time and all i had to do was turn it a bit to the left for it to make sense. is this how brains normally work? 😅

finished last week's microbio module

researching for global health assignment...will begin writing tmr 😅👍

finished section 1/2 of last week's immunology module and started the loooong second section 🥴👍

🎧 some nights – fun.

@zzzzzestforlife tagged me to do this picrew! it was fun. and it's so coincidental that i've been thinking about ghosts lately! the past versions of us that we follow without question when they tell us what to do, what not to do, and what we should aspire for... ☁️ sometimes those ghosts are right...and sometimes they're just plain toxic.

tagging @whenmemoriesfrost @chemblrish @ecologie-txt @winryrockbellwannabe @obakanosandoitchi if you want to :)

[mixmangosmangoverse]

I remember when I first returned to Israel, at 10 years old, being made fun of for not speaking Hebrew fluently- I remember what was said to me offhandedly. It was a biology club as I called it, an after school activity at a university where I'd study science and later moved to animation for a while. We were talking about nuclear science, and one kid offhandedly said "these are what the bombs they have look like."

He was talking about a nuclear bomb. He claimed Hamas (or perhaps he said the Iranian government, I forget) had nuclear bombs, and that they would be dropping them on us at any moment. I was too young to understand this, but I was incredibly scared. I asked if he's sure. He said, indeed, they have nuclear bombs. And that any day they'd drop them on us

That didn't happen then, obviously, but now I worry it will. After the events of today, I fear that nuclear bombs may be in my future again. And unlike the days before - I fear it'll come from the people supposed to protect us

I don't put it past the government to try a nuclear bomb just to get rid of "enemies", what they call the people of Gaza who want to live just as us. And even if they don't, if it's a massacre of a different way-

Well, why should the world support Jews after that? We've seen this past week how people truly respond when Jews die. We've seen firsthand how little people value Jewish lives, or maybe any life living here, considering the cheers even after it's been confirmed Hamas killed non -jewish Thai workers.

The world already wishes to eliminate all living here, chanting "from the river to the sea" without realizing what it means. If the government gets away with their truly evil plan, the world now has every justifiable reason to nuke us. Why should they care? They already think there's no such thing as an innocent Israeli citizen, why should they care what happens to us as a result of our government that we don't approve of?

Forget stealing the jobs and money of the Germans, they have an actual just reason to want dead Jews now, according to their supposed morals. If the government succeeds, we'll be branded Nazis, probably worse than the Nazis, and we know how the internet loves to chant about punching and killing Nazis all the while not trying to make Jews feel safe

There is no good outcome, how I see it. Either way, thousands of lives will be lost. I'm usually secular, and I never prayed before. But now I feel the need to pray, just for the chance of the people living here, all the people living here, to survive this war

[joelsgoldrush]

“give me all of that ultraviolence” | 2k

logan howlett x f!reader

SUMMARY: You give Logan head for the first time.

WARNINGS/TAGS: mdni - smut 18+ implied age gap. dirty talk. kind of inexperienced reader. oral sex (m receiving). face fucking. dom!logan. a tiny bit of degradation. he guides you through the whole experience (shocking!!! i know)

AUTHOR’S NOTE: HI PALS!!! yes i'm alive and kicking. yes university is killing me. so recently i’ve been OBSESSED with this man and i needed to write something for him. english is not my first language and i may have made some mistakes (if you encounter any you can tell me, i won't mind it). comments/likes/reblogs would be highly appreciated. i've got sooooo many ideas to write and i'm finally getting my hands on them. i missed you all so fucking much. hope you enjoy this!!!

It’s common knowledge that all humans have needs. Try as you may, there’s a primitive side that you can’t spare yourself from. You, as everybody else, have urges.

“Logan,” you basically mewl his name, five letters that roll off your tongue with little effort. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge you, his kisses growing harsher on the delicate skin of your neck. Threading your fingers through his hair, you decide to try again, speaking a bit louder this time. “Logan, please.”

“What is it, honey?” he says, bitten lips still pressed to your pulse point. As you remain silent, he looks up at you, those big, brown eyes that you love so dearly almost completely dark now. “Do you want to call it a day?”

His question catches you off-guard. You cup his face, thumbs caressing his cheekbones, suddenly afraid that he might pull away from you. “No! Not at all. That’s- that’s not what I want at all, actually.”

“What do you want, then? You can tell me,” he kisses you on the lips, softly at first. What starts as nothing more than a sweet kiss turns into a needier one, his hard on poking you through your shorts. “Come on. Tell me, baby. What does my sweet girl want?”

“I want to suck you off, Logan,” you whisper as you latch your mouth onto his, and you can feel how he visibly tenses beneath you. His breath hitches in his throat when you grind your hips. “I really need it.”

From the very beginning of your relationship, you had made things crystal clear: you didn’t have much experience on this territory. For a man his age, he was totally understanding. He knew you had your own times, that for him to take you to bed would take longer. Truth be told, Logan was willing to go to the ends of the world for you. There was no use in forcing anything.

At present, the bulge amid his legs becomes even more noticeable as you get off his lap, playing with his belt. “Can I?” you ask him, amazed at how straightforward you’re being.

Logan stares at you, so far panting, lust glowing in his eyes. “Shit, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he mutters as he helps you undress him. His worn out jeans end up pooling around his ankles, and you locate yourself in between his legs. 

You’re on your knees, hands folded in front of you. Suddenly, it hits you, the shame of it all. How badly you want him, how desperate you are to feel the weight of his cock on your tongue. How many nights you’ve dreamt of this moment, unable to stop that unbearable need of touching yourself every time you thought about pleasuring him.

That’s what you truly want. For him to use you.

“What’s wrong, princess? We’ve talked about this a lot of times. You know what to do,” you can’t help but stare at his crotch as you listen to him, and then he raises your chin with his finger, your lips parting unconsciously. You blink slowly at him, eyelashes fluttering together. At last, he seems to understand what you’re trying to tell him, and he raises his eyebrows, that cocky grin of his taking place where it belongs. “You want me to guide you, don’t you? Want me to tell you what to do? Know you like it when I go a bit off the rails.”

You moan at his words, squeezing your eyes shut and nuzzling your cheek up against his palm. Slick gathers in your panties as you push your thighs together. “Please. Tell me what to do.”

“Take it out,” he instructs you, and you do as you’re told. Grabbing him by the base, you pull his cock out of his briefs. He twitches in your hand, and he’s so, so incredibly big. 

You stroke him once, testing the feeling. This you know how to do. You’ve given him hand jobs millions of times, although this one feels particularly different from the others.

He takes hold of your fist, applying a bit of pressure. “I’m sorry, baby. I think you got it all wrong. I’m the one who makes the calls here, okay?” he grunts, his brows knitted, and you only nod, salivating at the sight of his cock already leaking precum at the tip. Logan licks his lips, curling his hand around yours. “You do as I say. Now, stroke me. Nice. And. Slow,” he punctuates each of his words by moving both your hand and his in unison around his length. “That’s it, darling. You just need someone to boss you around from time to time, ain’t I right?”

One thing to know about Logan: he’s so full of himself on a daily basis, but he just gets worse in bed.

“My mouth,” you hover your lips over the head of his cock, all shiny and soft. He has let you go, both of his arms now flexed behind his head, as if he were appreciating how pathetic you must look on your knees, begging for him to allow you to taste him. “Let me.”

“Not yet,” his hips follow your tormenting pace, seeking the warmth that your skin radiates. He grits his teeth, biting his lower lip. You’ve no idea how a man so strong can become putty in your hands like this. “Greedy girl. I’m beginning to think you’ve set me up. Only a slut would get so worked up about having a cock in her mouth. What happened to my innocent girl? Gone with the wind, huh?”

“Please, Lo. I need it so bad,” you are whining, peppering his thighs with kisses. You inhale his musky scent, getting dizzy. “Give it to me. I’ll be good.”

Out of nowhere, Logan grabs a handful of your hair, forcing you to arch your back. He scrutinizes your face, studying your blissed out demeanor. “I don’t doubt that. I’m sure you’ll be good. Otherwise, we’ll keep on trying. We have all night, and you have a good memory, just need to put it to use,” as he taps your lower lip with his tip, you catch him smirking. He repeats that same motion until he has you shivering from the excitement of being stuffed. ”Show me how much you need it. Go easy on it at first, okay? Don’t want you choking beforehand.”

You’re more than happy to comply.

Your tongue darts out to lick at his head, enveloping it between your lips. The salty taste of his precum invades your tastebuds, and you moan as you trace the veins of his cock with the pad of your thumb. “Tastes so good, Lo,” your voice sounds distant, almost unrecognizable to your own ears.

“I know, bub. Such a nice fucking mouth, can’t believe you’ve never done this before. I guess you’re a natural,” shaky fingers place a strand of hair behind your ears, patting your head as if you were a dog in heat. “Do you feel like bobbing your head a little?” he asks you, and you prepare yourself, attaching your mouth to his head once again. “Good. That’s good.”

With that being said, Logan fists your hair once again and shoves your face down, his hard cock tickling your throat. Your whines and his rapid breaths are the only sounds to be heard in your bedroom. He grins as he takes in the sight of you. “Oh, sweetheart. You look so beautiful with your mouth stretched around me,” his index finger taps your cheek and he feels the outline of his own cock. “You know I can smell you, right? You’re fucking soaked, baby. Think you’ll leave a stain on the carpet? You’d clean it off with your tongue, wouldn’t you?”

You have no idea how he’s coming up with these things, but you’re far from annoyed. In fact, you’ve never been this wet. Your underwear must be ruined at this point, and you wish Logan would tell you to touch yourself.

After some minutes of bobbing your head up and down, he pulls you off his cock and you breathe through your mouth for the first time in a while. As you gasp for air, Logan kisses you, tasting himself. He massages the back of your neck, his cock throbbing between the two of you. “You tired?”

Your glossy eyes widen. Shaking your head, you go for his balls this time, sucking one of them while toying with the other. Logan buries his hands in your hair for what must be the hundredth time in the night, unable to stop himself. “F-fuck, that’s it. A pretty girl like you just gets what she needs,” he praises you, and you return to his length, taking as many inches as you can without hurting yourself. Tears shimmer in your eyes, yet you can’t bring yourself to care about that detail. You’re far too focused on Logan’s grunts and growls. “Keep that up and I’ll come. You heard me? You’re gonna make me fucking come, bub.”

His words ignite a fire inside you. You use your hands, your mouth, everything that you have to pleasure him. He’s getting closer and closer, thighs shaking when you pay special attention to his tip. Logan responds to each of your movements, and as you feel every coherent thought fly out the window, you try to take him all the way down your throat, breathing through your nose and swallowing around him. He cants his hips up, brutally fucking your mouth. Like a dog without a leash, Logan seems to get lost in the warmth that envelopes his cock, chasing his own release. “You’re such a good girl. My good girl. Nobody will fuck this mouth ever again. I’ll ruin you for any pathetic guy that tries to get in your pants. You’re fucking mine, darling. Oh, f-fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck-”

You’re met with his happy trail once he spills his hot load inside your mouth. He keeps you trapped there, his cock twitching and spamming through the aftershocks of his orgasm. You don’t think twice and swallow what he’s giving you. Some of his cum slips from your lips, falling directly onto the carpet. Even Logan seems surprised when he doesn’t stop coming.

He helps you stand up after a moment, kissing you as soon as he gets the chance. He licks into your mouth, squeezing the flesh of your hips. Logan lifts his eyebrows, relishing how cock-drunk you must look. “I think you nearly killed me. And that’s a lot to say coming from someone who cannot fucking die.”

You plaster a smile on your face, hugging his wide frame. “So, was I okay?”

His jaw goes slack, and he lowers his head to capture your lips in another kiss. “You were fantastic. I could easily get hard again just from thinking about it,” his fingers trace the buttons of your shirt, tugging at the fabric of it. “What if you let me focus on yourself for a while? You’ve already done enough, baby. Let me take care of you,” he rubs his hands on your thighs, reaching for your drenched panties. “Perhaps we could try something else today. That pussy’s begging to be fucked.” 

dividers by: @/cafekitsune thank you!!! :)

[thebibliosphere]

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

[roosterforme]

Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 12 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Getting rid of Vanessa quickly is one problem to solve, but Bradley is afraid you'll also be ready to leave after the interruption. Tonight was supposed to be special after so many months of thinking about it. But even when things don't go as planned, he's beginning to see that you want to be around him as much as he needs to be around you.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, language, unprotected sex, smut, Bradley being sexy, 18+

Length: 3800 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader

Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist

You were just across the room from Bradley, but it felt like you were miles away right now as he pulled his front door open a little wider to reveal Vanessa. She looked completely calm, as if she was supposed to be at his house. Like he hadn't dumped her months ago. She took a step closer, ready to walk right inside, and his stomach lurched.

"Fuck," he groaned, his face heating up with embarrassment as all of the desire he'd just been enjoying started to recede from his body. "What do you want?"

She already got her fucking water bottle back, so he had no idea how she was going to respond, but he was surprised to hear her say, "I wanted to see you."

Bradley blinked at her wordlessly. He had forgotten the details of her face as soon as he'd seen yours for the first time, and now he could barely remember any of the details of the time he'd spent with her at all. It seemed like a completely foreign concept that she was here to see him. "Why?" he blurted out, and she laughed in response.

"We ended things a little rough before you left, and I'll admit I could have handled it a bit better. But I did miss you while you were away. I wanted to show you how much."

She tried to shoulder her way through the door as he said, "Vanessa. I am so confused right now. We broke up."

"Okay, but now that you're back on dry land, we can both come to our senses."

She must have thought her words sounded reasonable, but they were making his skin crawl. He didn't want her at his house. The uncomfortable feeling was creeping in that he associated for so long with being taken advantage of. He wanted her to leave even as she smiled up at him and reached a hand out to let it rest on his chest.

"I did come to my senses, Vanessa. That's why I broke things off," he said, voice dry and raspy. He was terribly uncomfortable, and he was starting to panic when he felt a warmth at his side and a hand wrap around his bicep. Vanessa's eyes went wide as soon as she saw you, and the look on her face was so comical, Bradley almost laughed.

There was no way you didn't hear every word of their conversation, but you just gave him a little squeeze and smiled as you said, "I'm ready for you to come back to the couch now."

"Who is this?" Vanessa snapped with a tone of jealousy, which was rich coming from her. She was looking at you in disgust as Bradley tried to get his thoughts in order. Was it okay to call you his girlfriend? He was debating with himself, but it didn't even matter. You were already responding. 

"I'm someone who actually cares about Bradley. You must be Vanessa. His ex." Your tone was even, but Vanessa's face started to turn red.

"You've been back for like three days," she muttered in response. "You sure moved on fast."

Bradley pinched the bridge of his nose. "I mentally moved on as soon as we broke up, Vanessa. Months ago. You picked up your water bottle. I've got nothing else for you here."

He was already embarrassed enough, and then she huffed and stomped her foot at him. Had he actually dated this woman? He had, and now you were witness to his mortification as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I was going to at least offer to blow you while you thought about where you wanted to take me for dinner tomorrow night, but you can just fuck off, Bradley."

His hand on the door finally sprung to action, and he started pushing it closed as he said, "Goodbye, Vanessa."

"Bye," you said, waving your free hand. You turned so the front of your body was pressed against the front of his as he locked his door once again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he grunted in response, because there was really nothing else to say. He'd been daydreaming about this evening for so long, he should have known nothing would go right. "But I wouldn't blame you if you want to go home."

You started to tug on his arms as you shook your head. "The only place I want to go is back to your couch."

"Alright," he replied, cheeks absolutely burning with embarrassment. He couldn't decide if Vanessa was serious or if she just needed to get the last word in, but if she ruined his chances with you, he didn't know what he was going to do.

This time you settled down on the cushion next to him instead of on his lap. This was decidedly not where he thought he would be right now when you had your hands inside his shirt just a few minutes ago. "I'm sorry," he whispered before turning to look at you. "I had no idea she was going to show up. I never anticipated seeing her again, actually." When you reached for his hand in response, he swallowed hard.

"So... you met me through my letter right after you broke up with her?" you asked carefully.

There was no point in denying it. "Yeah. I broke things off shortly before I left home. Then a few weeks into my deployment, I got the first package from you and your kids. And I wasn't lying when I told you it changed everything for the better."

You sighed and kissed his scars, and Bradley's heart skipped around in his chest as you said, "I really had perfect timing, huh?"

"You're not upset?" he asked, holding your hand tighter. He didn't give a single fuck about his entitled ex; he just cared about you.

When you shook your head, your nose brushed along his stubble and the edge of his mustache. "Just annoyed that she tried to make you feel bad while simultaneously trying to get you back. Who does that?"

"Not you," he said easily, and he could feel you smile against his cheek.

"I'm hungry," you told him. "Let's eat pizza together. And then I'd like to get back to where we left off."

He pulled you onto his lap as he dug his phone out of his pocket. "Yeah?" he asked hopefully as you draped your arms around his neck.

"Yeah. You promised me the couch date ages ago, and I want the full experience."

He exhaled the breath he wasn't even aware he had been holding, and then he kissed you and asked, "What kind of pizza do you want, Gorgeous?"

----------------------------

You were not that surprised that Vanessa showed up at Bradley's house. He was handsome and kind, and of course his ex would eventually realize how good she had it before she messed up. But she already had her chance with him, and you noticed right away how his demeanor changed as soon as he opened the door. The sweet way he'd been looking at you since the first time he called you over FaceTime was nothing like the way he looked at her. And now you got to witness how awful she was for yourself.

When there was another knock on the door, you looked up at his face from where you were snuggled up against his bicep holding his hand. He'd been more subdued for the past twenty minutes as you and he actually watched the movie you brought along with you. That was admittedly not something you thought was actually going to happen. But when he looked at you he smiled before leaning in for a kiss.

"That better be dinner this time," you muttered, ready to rocket off the couch if Vanessa dared to come back again.

He chuckled and said, "If it's not pizza, I'm slamming the door and coming right back."

He kissed you softly one last time before standing, and once you confirmed it really was the delivery driver, you went into the kitchen to grab some beers from his refrigerator. You found four different kinds along with another bottle of Prosecco and some seltzers. The kitchen itself was beautiful, and the window overlooked his small yard. You were about to start searching for a bottle opener when Bradley wrapped his arms around you from behind. 

"I never did take you on a tour of my house," he murmured, rubbing his mustache along your cheek. "Now or after we eat?"

"Bradley," you laughed, and he just held you tighter. The kitchen smelled like pizza, and you could already hear his stomach growling. "You won't make it five more minutes without food."

"You're so right, Gorgeous," he replied, spinning you in his arms so you were facing him. That crooked smile was teasing at his lip as he said, "Thanks for not going home because of earlier. I think I would have been devastated if you left."

He seemed almost relieved as soon as he told you that. "It's going to take more to scare me off than your ex girlfriend, but if she comes back here again, I can't guarantee she'll leave without a black eye. I don't like how she was talking to you." The words were out of your mouth before you could really consider them, but Bradley looked even more relieved as that adorable smile warmed up all of his features. "Besides, this is my couch date. Mine and yours, and nobody else is going to fuck it up."

His smile grew as he pushed you back against the island with his hands on your hips. "I kind of like it when you say bad words," he whispered, his tongue darting out at the corner of his mouth. "Why is that so hot?"

"Because I'm a fucking elementary school teacher," you replied as innocently as you could without laughing, and you were rewarded with a kiss that let you know exactly how hot he thought your potty mouth was. Then he groaned as his stomach started growling louder. "You need to be fed."

He released your lips but tilted your chin up with his fingertips. "Right after dinner and some beers, I'm going to show you around, and then we're going to get right back to kissing."

You shrugged and said, "I kind of figured we'd be kissing while you showed me around."

"That's convenient, since I can't seem to stop." This time he kissed your neck before handing you paper plates. He piled one with two slices of pizza before you told him to stop, and then he piled four on the other plate after taking an enormous bite out of one. "Meet me on the couch?" he asked, patting your butt as you walked away. When you paused to glance back at him, he was still watching you. "I'll be right there," he promised.

You only had to sit on the couch alone for a few seconds, thinking about how badly you wanted him, before he joined you with two opened beers and a roll of paper towels. "Here you go, Baby," he muttered, handing over one of the bottles before dropping down on the couch at your side. 

You watched his tall, muscular body as he reached for his stacked up plate of pizza slices and let it rest on his thigh before he draped his free arm around your shoulders and took another sip of beer. Somehow everything he did was graceful, but it was the way he turned to you, casually kissed your lips and said, "If you like this pizza place, we can order from there again," before folding a slice in half and devouring it that made you melt a little bit.

Of course you were going to want to order more pizza and have another couch date night. You took a bite, and the food was amazing. Bradley started man-spreading on the couch which made you have to snuggle in against him a little more. And then you were both taking sips from his bottle of beer since yours was on the coffee table, and you didn't want to move away from him to get it. And the movie was all but forgotten as the two of you started ranking the local pizza restaurants as he finished his fourth slice.

"I liked the pizza," you informed him as he reached for the roll of paper towels. "And I even like that you're using paper towels instead of napkins. It's oddly charming."

With a soft groan, he took the nearly empty beer bottle from your hand and set it aside. You squealed as he murmured, "Come here," and scooped you onto his lap before stretching out along the couch with his legs hanging over the arm. You were straddling his waist with your hands resting on his shoulders as he softly said, "I'll get you pizza or Thai food or Salvatore's as much as you want." His eyes were soft and sincere as he looked up at you and said, " I don't care. I love all of it. I love spending time with you."

When you leaned down to kiss him, your knee slipped, and you started laughing as he held you in place with his big hands on your waist before you could end up on the floor. "You're too big for your couch, Bradley."

"I tried to tell that ages ago," he replied, guiding his hand slowly down your thigh until he was pulling you back into place. "Didn't stop me from fantasizing about having you on top of me exactly like this." His cheeks were pink as you leaned in and successfully kissed him this time. "God, Gorgeous," he whispered. "The real thing is just so much better than the emailed version, and that was enough to get me going for months."

"Bradley," you whined softly.

"Say it again," he groaned, hand tightening on your thigh. His head was tipped back, dark gaze glued to your lips as you ran your thumb along his scarred cheek. You'd never been this comfortable around a man before. Even now he wasn't rushing anything, though you both knew what you wanted. He'd been giving you one last chance all evening to pull away if that's what you decided to do after Vanessa stopped by. But your heart was telling you with absolute certainty that this man was a keeper.

Your lips met his scars, and the tip of your tongue grazed along his stubble before you whispered right next to his ear, "Bradley." Immediately you felt one big hand at the small of your back, hot and rough against your bare skin, guiding you flatter against his body.

"Oh hell," he gasped before devouring your mouth. Your fingers tugged on his wavy hair as his hand slid lower until you felt his fingers slip inside the elastic waistband of your leggings. He held you in place and rolled his hips up to meet you as you moaned into his mouth. He was deliciously hard just for you. If you couldn't have all of him soon, you were afraid you might pass out.

You could vaguely hear the sound of the movie playing in the background as you explored every inch of his mustache with your lips. Bradley's entire hand was inside your leggings now, and if he wasn't holding you so tight, you knew you'd be on the floor. With every exploratory grind of your hips, you got wetter. The stretchy fabric of your leggings was thin, and you could feel him through his jeans as he grunted deep at the back of his throat, "Gorgeous. I want you."

"Oh my god." His other hand was inching his sweatshirt up along your body while he sucked on your neck, and it took you longer than it should have to formulate words as the butterflies went wild. "I want you, too." You helped him pull the shirt a little faster over your head, leaving you laying on top of him in your bra practically panting as you said, "Take me to your room."

He smiled before kissing you hard, and then you were in his arms as he stood up. "You want the full tour of the house right now?" he teased, but his smile slipped as soon as you unzipped his jeans while you shook your head.

"Bedroom. The rest can wait."

---------------------------------

Bradley was torn. Part of him wanted to hold you in his arms all night and list off everything he loved about you. The other part wanted you naked and in his bed. He'd never had such strong feelings of love colliding with such strong feelings of lust in his entire lift, and it was honestly a bit disorienting. You were somehow everything he wanted, all wrapped up in one Gorgeous woman. He still couldn't believe you'd stood by his side and let Vanessa know you were with him now, and therefore maybe a third part of him wanted to reward you just for being so good to him.

"Bedroom?" It was a question this time as you kissed him, and he felt your exploring fingers make their way inside his jeans.

"Let's go, Baby."

Bradley had to stop twice on the way, because you were too fucking perfect. You were too perfect not to press up against the wall in the hallway, and it felt too good when your hand found its way inside his briefs. "Shit," he gasped, eyes wide as you touched him, his hands planted on the wall on either side of your head. He kissed you over and over again as your hand wrapped around his cock, and he never wanted this to end.

When he started to toy with your bra straps, you whispered, "Take it off." 

His cock was held snug in your hand as he undid the clasp at your back and eased the lace away from your chest. You were looking up at him, lips parted like you were trying to gauge his reaction to your body, and he couldn't help but smile as he took in every inch of your tits. "Come on. You know you're Gorgeous. I'm sure you can tell just how much I want you."

When you gave his balls a little squeeze in response, he knew he needed to get you through the doorway and into his room. Your bra fell to the floor as he guided you inside. His desk lamp was glowing, and somehow your body looked even more ethereal bathed in the soft orange light. 

You glanced around the room even as you let him tuck you against his body, and he kissed the top of your head as you whispered, "I've shamelessly thought about being here with you." Your hands were on his abs again, pushing his tee shirt up his body, and Bradley could feel your furled nipples against his skin as he tugged it over his head. Every time he tried to speak, a needy sound escaped him instead as your hands smoothed along his chest and down his sides. "Oh my god, Bradley," you whined, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I've touched myself, too. Imagining you were with me."

"Fuck," he groaned, the last bit of restraint snapping inside him as soon as you said his name and those sweet, filthy words. Of course he'd been losing his mind over the very same sorts of thoughts, and as his mouth collided with yours, he led you backwards to his bed. You gasped and laughed when you landed on your back, tits bouncing beautifully as you looked up at him in surprise. Then he was on top of you, tasting your nipple, hooking his hand around your thigh as it crept up to his hip.

You were panting his name quietly as he inhaled the scent of your skin and tasted both of your breasts. "You're so soft," he whispered, talking about your skin and your body and your sweet personality. "I can't get enough."

With your fingers in his hair, you were rubbing yourself gently up against him, and it was making him hard beyond belief. He didn't know how much more he could handle before he needed to be inside you, but tasting your skin and teasing every inch of you was something that should be savored. 

"You don't have to get enough," you whispered. "Not tonight. I already want more."

Bradley's hands were on your leggings, pulling them down along with your underwear. He fought with them for a second, all tangled up with your legs, and then he kissed your giggles away as he ran his rough fingertips along your pussy. When your back arched off the bed, you gasped, and he dragged his middle finger gently along your slit, bucking against your leg at the slick wetness he found there.

You were naked beneath him, reaching for him, telling him you needed his kisses, and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen or heard. He tried to take his time, taste you everywhere, but he needed to fuck you more than he needed to breathe. He was dizzy as he stood, jeans halfway down his thighs, cock hanging free from his underwear. Then you sat up in bed, knees bent as you squeezed your legs together and watched him get the rest of the way undressed in awe.

His brain was buzzing as you reached for him, and he took your hand in his, kissing your fingers as he said, "Let me grab the condoms I bought." He walked to his dresser, hands shaking with excitement as he tore into the box, but when he brought one back to the bed and settled in next to you, he noticed you were chewing on your lip.

"Do we really need this?" you asked softly, tapping the wrapper as you kissed him.

Your other hand was wrapped around his cock once again as he grunted, "I don't know, Baby. Do we?"

"Nope." You tossed it across the room, looped your arms around his neck and said, "I want to feel you."

When he eased you onto your back, his cock was nestled against your pussy, and he was completely lost beyond hope. "Yeah, Gorgeous?" he rasped, easing his tip closer to your opening. "You want to feel me?"

You rolled your hips, accepting him into your warmth, and Bradley thrust deep. He felt like the wind had been knocked from his lungs as you wrapped your leg around his thigh and kissed his name against his lips. You welcomed his touch everywhere as he fucked you. Your hands and mouth found his hair and his scarred cheek, like you were made for him. There was no hesitation or uncertainty. Now that he knew every inch of you, he was never going to want anything else.

------------------------------

Bradley's body was big and warm, and you could smell him everywhere. His hands were deliciously rough on your skin even as his touch was gentle and sure. Every sensation was brand new while still making you feel comfortable, as if you and he had been here before. You had in your mind at least. You'd considered so many things when it came to Bradley's body while he was still deployed, but just like his exquisite letters and emails, this was even better in person.

You shivered as he stroked your clit, wrapping your leg around him a little tighter, wanting more. Another steady swipe of his thumb, and you were whining. "You like that," he mused softly, and it wasn't a question. "You want more." Also, not a question. He seemed to know what you wanted and how you'd respond even before you did, and when he pulled your nipple between his lips, your back arched off the bed.

"Oh my god, Bradley," you moaned, looking at his handsome face as he gave you thrust after delicious thrust. "Our texts are going to be filthy after this," you gasped, and the intense look on his face receded a bit as a smile found his lips.

"You're damn right," he grunted before dipping his lips down to kiss you again before finding your shoulder and then your neck. "I can't wait to figure out every single little thing that turns you on. I'm gonna take my time and find all of them."

You believed him implicitly, especially since he was already doing a stellar job of making you slowly lose your mind. When his big hands found your hips, he held you in place and went a little harder as sweat started to bead on his forehead. He watched your face for a reaction, and as soon as your lips parted in a long whimper, his mouth was on yours. You held onto his shoulders as he tasted your tongue and told you that you were the only girl for him. Whispered that you belonged with him.

Soon you were slipping, remembering all of the sweet things he told you, both typed and spoken. "I'm so close," you pleaded, needing him to get you all the way there. It had been so long since someone made you feel this good, and this was the very first time a man ever made you feel this vital to his own happiness. Without prompting, Bradley circled your clit with his thumb as you tasted the bead of sweat on his cheek, and you were done. Your orgasm rocked through you as you cried out his name, and his thrusts slowed to an almost languid pace that just made you get louder and clench around him harder.

"Jesus," he panted, smoothing his hand along your skin as he watched you come apart beneath him. "Fucking gorgeous." Bradley's fingers curled around the back of your neck, and his thumb grazed along your lip as he watched you. His handsome face was flushed, and his movements were jerky as he rasped, "Where do you want me to cum?"

"Anywhere."

A string of desire laced expletives flowed from his lips along with your name. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and fucked you until his hips stopped moving, and you reveled in the warm feeling of being full when he didn't pull out. His body was heavy in a good way, and you dragged your fingers lazily through his hair as he murmured, "Am I hurting you?"

"No," you promised, wrapping your calf tighter around his thigh. "Don't you dare move."

The rumble of his deep chuckle and the scrape of his mustache against your neck made you shiver. "I'm not going anywhere, Gorgeous." You just held him to your body while he stayed inside you and treated your skin to little nips and kisses. But eventually his stomach started growling, and you giggled when he groaned. "I don't even feel self conscious around you," he muttered, reluctantly pulling his body away from yours. "Let's destroy the rest of the extra large pizza together while I show you the rest of my house."

Truly, nothing sounded better to you. Bradley located his discarded shirt on the floor and collected you in his arms before pulling it over your head. Then he tugged his underwear into place while he kissed you, and you led the way back to the couch. You could feel how sticky he'd left you between your thighs, but you didn't immediately do anything about it, because he was grabbing the pizza box from the kitchen and then pulling you down onto his lap on the couch. His chin and forehead were cool and tasted a little salty as you kissed him and snuggled against his body. This was exactly how his couch was supposed to be for the two of you as you basked in the way he made you feel magical just by looking at you.

He held up a piece of pizza with a laugh and let you take a bite before he ate most of it. The movie had ended a while ago, and the menu options were playing softly in the background as you finished your snack together with his warm body cradling yours. "During the house tour, can we visit your shower together?" you asked him, running your fingers through his sparse patch of chest hair and down to his abs. "Before bed?"

"Already on the agenda," he informed you, standing again with you in his arms. He led you around, mostly showing off his piano, and then he took you into his spotlessly clean bathroom. He turned on the shower, and as the water warmed up, he pulled his shirt over your head and left you standing naked in front of him with his arm wrapped around you. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about this all the time," he murmured, running his thumb lazily along your nipple as you pressed your thighs together in need. "But I think about how much I love your face and your voice and the way you make me feel just as much. Maybe more."

"Bradley," you gasped, and he treated you to a needy little grunt that left you reaching for his face. "That's the kind of stuff a boyfriend would say."

His expression didn't change much, but his smile grew wider as he told you, "Well I want to keep saying it. So why not let me?"

"Let you what? Be my boyfriend?" you asked, heart beating a little faster as those familiar butterflies found their way back.

"Yeah, Gorgeous. I'm dying for it. And we've kind of already been doing this thing together for months, right?"

"Right," you agreed, pulling him toward the shower as steam filled the room. He came willingly, an expectant look on his face as you said, "You can be my boyfriend, Bradley."

His lips found yours, and they stayed there for a while.

--------------------------------

Vanessa wanted him to come to his senses, but he already did! HA! He and Gorgeous are like magnets that just want to be touching at all times. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 13

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[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[making-you-in-spore]

have you checked out / do you have any thoughts on any of the recent spore-like indie games? talking about stuff like The Sapling or Elysian Eclipse

i'm not really much of a gamer outside of a select few games i've been playing for years on end, but it's cool that people are trying to recapture the charm of spore. i support them fully, and i hope they make good games with their premise.

however, unless you're really truly dedicated to what spore is as a game, none of them are going to be spore 2. spore's creature creator is only one part of its genius - it is a community, creativity oriented game at its core, and an actual game second.

if the game you're making doesn't have the extensive creation power, procedural animations, randomly seeded creatures and creations, etc- it won't be spore 2. if you don't have the ability to implement your creations into someone else's game with something as simple as a png, it won't be spore 2.

if you don't have the goofy, bouncy, janky animations and personality of spore, it will not be spore 2.

spore may not have "lived up to its expectations" as people say. but it is an absolute marvel of video game engineering, especially for its time. nothing anyone has made has ever lived up to spore as we got it. i need to emphasize that all of the data for things you create is stored in png files in your documents folder.

these pngs alone store all the data for your creations. that's fucking brilliant, considering they're only a few kilobytes in size. my entire creature folder is less than 6mb in size.

spore is an infinitely huge game with some of the best file optimization practices i have ever seen, if not downright the best.

i don't think we'll ever get anything like this again in our lifetimes, and i both mourn and celebrate that. i sincerely hope that sporelikes take off and we eventually get one that almost captures the feeling of the original spore, but it won't be very likely in this lifetime.

i hope one day they prove me wrong, though.

[kingkat12]

roman's girl (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, oral sex, major fluff, public sexual activites, Roman is a tit guy what can i say

summary: after Roman finally confesses his feelings, will it be enough to subside your longing for the past? coming face to face with Letha might uncover the truth...

word count: 10,586 (my oh my)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8

a/n: i want to thank you all once again for the love y'all have given this series, it's absolutely mind-blowing😭 sorry for the wait, I LOVE YOU, and i hope you'll enjoy this chapter!!<33

This was certainly not how I had expected this night to go-- the turn of events truly hit me as Roman sat on the edge of my bed, hair still wet from the shower. 

I couldn't believe he was my boyfriend. I couldn't believe it at all. 

On top of everything, he looked gorgeous as always, especially in the moonlight. After he had gotten drenched from the rain, I had given him his sweater back and lent him the only pair of sweatpants I knew would fit him-- I had finally found a use for the pair I had bought the wrong size of at a sale. 

Roman's green eyes followed me as I moved a few things around my desk. "You seem nervous," he said, a teasing tone about him. "Or are you just upset you couldn't hop into the shower with me?"

Huffing, I did my best not to laugh; I couldn't let him have this one. "My parents are still trying to wrap their heads around me having a boy over, so I think I'd give them a heart attack if they caught us showering together,"

Roman bit his lip, visibly amused. "I still can't believe I'm the first one," he said, tapping his fingers against my duvet. "You sure you haven't had any other guys in here? You can be honest."

"I am being honest," I leaned my back against the wall, watching him from afar. I was afraid that I'd jump him if I got any closer-- he was ridiculously hot with his fresh-out-of-the-shower look. "I haven't had anyone else up here. Ever. Why is that so hard to believe?"

Roman shrugged; "Cause you're cute?"

I didn't blink, staring back at him with a dumbfounded expression. He said it so nonchalantly, as though I hadn't been fighting for him to tell me his feelings for weeks. Now, it was easy. Easy. With a shy smile, I stepped away from the wall. "Really, now?"

Roman's signature smirk returned as he guided me between his legs, his hands kneading my waist as he looked up at me with his big, wanting eyes. "I'm just glad we're talking again," he murmured, his fingers slowly dipping beneath the edge of my t-shirt. "I've missed your snark."

It was impossible not to smile-- I brought my hands to his face, letting my thumbs brush over his eyebrows; "And I've missed you," 

Roman hummed, his eyes practically sparkling as his fingers continued to ghost over my skin in trying motions. "How badly?"

"Badly," My hands went up into his hair, watching as he keened against my touch. "You and your green eyes."

"My eyes?" It was clear that Roman struggled not to be visibly flustered-- instead, he opted to lift my t-shirt, leaning forward to press an endearing kiss against my tummy. Every touch, every kiss made me feel beyond adored. "What about them?" He pulled away, smirk still apparent. "You think they're pretty or something?"

"You know very well,"

"What? I know nothing,"

"Roman," Laughing, I leaned down to press my lips against his damp hair. "I don't need to spell it out for you."

He shrugged, his fingers rubbing circles into my sides. "Actually, I think you do. Especially after how you tortured me with spelling shit out for you this week,"

Truly, he had a point. I just hated that he was right. "That's different, Rome, that was a completely separate thing!--"

"Oh, just tell me my eyes are pretty, get on with it!" 

Taken aback, I watched as Roman did his best to suppress a knowing grin, biting down on his lip as he stared up at me through his brows. Even now, he was painfully handsome-- I nearly melted into my hardwood floors. "Well, now I definitely won't,"

Groaning, Roman seemed to take that as a challenge; in a swift motion, he wrapped his arms around me and tackled me onto the bed. I let out a high-pitched squeak, completely caught off-guard; "You can't just!--"

"Tell me," Roman hooked his arms around my legs after getting in between them, yanking me towards him as he now hovered above me. I could only giggle at the sight of his plotting eyes, realizing my new boyfriend reminded me of the puppy I used to babysit in middle school-- eager to play. 

I had to catch my breath after being manhandled like that; "What happened to your manners?"

"Manners?" he echoed, clearly holding back a fit of laughter. "What manners? I was raised in the forest with the wolves, don't you know?"

For fuck's sake-- I nearly lost face. "You can't just toss me around and demand to be praised!"

Roman hummed, the mischievous shimmer in his eyes only growing more bright. "Actually, I think I can toss you around as I please," He leaned down, pressing a wet kiss to my neck. "Or are you planning on fighting me, baby?"

I knew I was done for now. With the nickname, and all. "I could if I wanted to," I was aware that the shake in my voice didn't sound very convincing, and it eventually became glaringly obvious that I shouldn't have said that. I could tell with how Roman smiled against my neck, and the way his arms snaked around me in a tight hold; "I'd like to see you try."

No, no, no-- I wasn't about to have a playfight with a man standing tall at 6'4. There was no way in hell. "Well, I wouldn't want to hurt your ego when you ultimately lose," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around him. "Let's take it when you've had time to prepare."

That was the last straw for Roman, who finally burst out laughing; I followed shortly after. He propped himself up on his elbows, staring down at me with amusement sparkling in his green eyes; "That's very considerate of you," he said, gently nudging my nose with his. "But this means I can toss you around for tonight, then."

I was about to protest, but I suddenly felt tongue-tied-- something about the idea of being moved around like I weighed nothing, like I was his to boss around, did something to me. Something I couldn't put my finger on. "I, uh... Well-- My parents are next door,"

It dawned on Roman that I was right, and he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth with the realization. "Damn it," he mumbled, humming as he leaned down to kiss me.

I sighed against his lips, the usual satisfaction coursing through my veins-- nothing could ever top this. Subconsciously, I wrapped my legs around him, wanting to pull him as close to me as possible. However, it seemed Roman had other plans; he disconnected our sweet kiss, shortly pressing one more against the corner of my mouth before propping himself up again. "But... you can stay quiet, right?"

My eyes widened just slightly-- I wasn't too keen on showing how nervous I was to hear that. "Depends," I breathed, reaching forward to tuck a few strands of his brown hair away from his forehead. "If you're talking about going all the way, I don't think that's the best idea with my parents on the other side of the wall--"

"No, no," Roman quickly interrupted my ramble, shaking his head. "Just a little... something. To celebrate."

My heart rate quickened as I felt my pulse rise; that could mean literally anything.

"Don't look so scared," Roman purred, pressing a short kiss to my lips-- it was embarrassing how little it took for me to unravel. "I'm not going to bite. I'm almost certain."

"What?" Almost?

Roman only chuckled, his hands now trailing up beneath my shirt again, ghosting over my skin with the touch of a feather. The softness of his fingers nearly left me shuddering, my lips parting at the sensation as I writhed just slightly-- I had to look away from his proud look, realizing my shirt was now bunched up right under my bra, leaving me exposed.

"I hope that being your boyfriend comes with some perks," Roman said, placing his palms against my waist to see how small I was compared to his hands. "Maybe you won't be so shy to let me touch you." 

I could only blush-- he wasn't wrong. I still wasn't used to it. I wasn't sure how many times I had swatted his hands away, not yet allowing him to take all the liberties he wanted seeing as we weren't official. But now... everything had changed. Now that I knew where I had him, it felt easier to allow myself the pleasure.

Roman leaned down to kiss up my abdomen, leaving a wet mark behind every touch of his lips against my skin. I held my breath, reaching forward to bury my hands in his hair, feeling my heartbeat pulsing all the way through the tips of my fingers as I grew nervous. I had no idea what plans he had in mind, and whether I wanted him to stop or not.

"I'm surprised you haven't been more aggressive about it," I breathed, finally looking down to meet his wanting, green eyes. "I always expected you to be. You always seemed like the type."

Roman hummed, his fingers tracing the edge of my bra. "I have been, with others," he said, matter-of-factly. "Mostly because I knew they'd let me. Some girls are easy, in that sense."

I couldn't even hold my grimace-- I reached for his hands, holding him back from going any further. "You don't hear yourself, do you?" Propping myself up on my elbows, I tried to scour the thoughts behind his deep eyes, but to no avail. I didn't even care to adjust my t-shirt before I answered him; "It speaks volumes about your view of women."

"My view?" Roman bit his lip, holding back his amusement. "I love women. Where on earth would I be without women?"

I had to hold myself back from kicking him. "I don't think I want to hear this--"

"But most of all, I love girls like you," Leaning down to kiss my shoulder, Roman slid his hands down my thighs and to my knees that were creased over his legs. "But funnily enough, there aren't any girls like you. You're like a singular, vexing entity... and you've got me. You've really got me." His kisses trailed up to my collarbones, and I tilted my head to give him easier access-- I hated how little restraint I had around him, even when he said the most asshole-y things possible. 

"You've got me. All of me," Roman murmured, managing to lay me back down on the bed, disarming me in an instant. It was impossible not to let my heart swell at his words, and it only got worse as he continued; "I've never had anyone fight for me like you do. Never met someone worth the challenge. So excuse me for not being aggressively inappropriate with you."

I was so stunned, that I simply stared up at him like a dazzled fool as he slowly pried off my shirt. "Well, you-- you have been inappropriate," 

"Oh, I'm not denying that," Roman's knowing smirk was on display as he wried his shirt off, now crawling back on top of me. I hummed, unable to hold back the sigh that escaped me as I felt his weight back on me, skin to skin. My hands went back up in his hair, making sure it wouldn't hide his beautiful eyes before pulling him in for an open, loving kiss.

There was a certain heat to it that I wasn't used to-- it was perhaps the finality of our union that allowed us to get lost in it. Either that, or Roman didn't care to hold back anymore. I hadn't noticed he was hard until he pressed further up against the apex of my thighs; my breath hitched against our kiss, my grip in his soon-to-be dry hair tightening as the friction between my legs gave me the relief I didn't know I needed. 

Roman's lips were always breathtakingly plush against mine, his tongue gently moving in motions that kept me on the brink of clenching my legs around him-- I always felt out of breath after every kiss, especially when we were tangled up like this for longer than what we could be in public. My heart swelled as it beat at his, and I was unable to hold back the hitch of my breath which escaped me as he sunk his teeth into my bottom lip. 

Roman pulled away long enough to speak; "So can you?"

I would've answered him quicker, had it not been for the fact that he wouldn't let me detach from the kiss that ensued. Humming, I had to give his hair a harder tug, feeling him sigh in a wave of satisfaction before finally allowing me to disconnect our kiss. "Can I what?" I tried, hoping to catch my breath. 

"Keep quiet," Roman nudged my nose with his as his big, green eyes found mine. 

"I don't even know what it is that you're planning to do!--"

"You've gotta promise," he said, placing a short kiss against my rambling lips. "I don't want any problems with your parents. It's sort of nice to meet the only people in this town who don't think I'm a scoundrel."

I had to laugh-- it was true. They certainly had no idea about the reputation my new boyfriend had. "Okay, I promise! But what are you--" 

I was yanked forward on the bed for the second time tonight; Roman heard a green light, and that was enough for him. I yelped, immediately clasping my hand over my mouth as his eager kisses trailed down my body, his hands now slowly inching toward my zipper.

It all happened so fast-- I nearly bit down on my hand to suppress my nervous trail of noises as Roman discarded my pants with ease. He was almost methodical, planting soft, warm kisses along the inside of my thigh as his fingers trailed up to grab at my waist. He kissed his way up to my center before passing over it, leaving me heaving for air out of sheer excitement-- he now descended over to my other thigh, his green eyes darkening as he looked up to catch my reaction to his teases.

The breath in my chest was a rapid circle, but it caught in my throat as I watched Roman smirk against my skin, taking in the sight of me coming apart as he spoke; "Hold on... Is this turning you on or something?"

I was two seconds away from kicking him. Genuinely. "You're awful," I breathed, burying my face in my hands.

"Really? I usually get quite raving reviews," Roman laughed against my thigh, sinking his teeth into my skin to evoke a noise. That seemed to work-- I let out a squeak before propping myself up on my elbows again, staring down at him with narrowed eyes; "You're already making a mess out of me, do you need to make fun of me too?"

Roman chuckled, pressing an apologetic kiss where he had previously bit me. "Not making fun of you," he murmured, his hold around my waist allowing him to move me even closer to him with a swift motion. Now, his breath was falling hot and heavy right above my clothed sex. "Just trying to get you to talk."

"Talk?" I echoed, watching Roman hook his fingers around my underwear-- I couldn't watch this. I laid back down on the bed with a shaky breath, squirming beneath his grip. 

Roman hummed; "Yeah," He licked a wet stripe up the crease of my thigh, slowly, along the hem of my panties, which left me shivering. "We both know how much you're going to enjoy this, anyway. You might as well come out and say it." 

He certainly knew how to build anticipation-- his words had nearly distracted me from the moment he dragged my underwear to the side, now leaning forward to press a kiss against my clit. I gasped, once again clasping a hand over my mouth; this was a sensation I could get used to. "Roman--"

As much as he wanted me to talk, I couldn't. Not when he swept his tongue through the wetness of my slit, not when that action had me bucking my hips up against him, not when it all left me breathless. Roman's big, strong hands grabbed me, pinning me down as he laved his tongue up along my cunt with slow, meticulous motions. 

This feeling was so foreign-- I really had no idea how to deal with it. I felt my breath catch in my chest, my back arching slightly off the bed as I fought the urge to tremble against him. Even worse, was the fight against making any noise that could give away what we were doing in here. I let out a broken, quiet moan as I reached for Roman's hair, running my fingers through it in a desperate attempt to seek some comfort from the storm of feelings raving through me.

Roman sighed against me, his grip on my hips tightening as he pressed a few gentle, almost sweet, kisses against my clit, which immediately had my breath hitching rather loudly. His eyes returned to watch me, narrowing as a signal; keep it down.

Everything about it made me blush-- I buried my face in my hands, feeling them tremble against my skin. It felt as though my veins were on fire as I fought to keep my breath steady, and I was about to grab a pillow and stuff my face in it before I heard a knock at the door. 

My eyes sprung open, immediately reaching down to pull Roman away from me as I panicked. However, my new boyfriend had other plans-- his fingers dug into my flesh, eyes boring into mine with burning embers of challenge as he laved his tongue against my clit with repeating firm licks. Something told me this was beyond exciting to him, and it only made my hips buck up against his mouth. No, no--

Another knock; "Sweetie, we're going to bed! Don't stay up too late, alright?"

"I-- Okay!" I hoped they couldn't hear that I was panting, back arched off the bed as Roman nearly made me see stars. 

"Do you need anything in there?"

No, no, no-- what was that even supposed to mean? Something told me my parents were nervous about me having a boy over. I could feel Roman smile against me, clearly amused, as I fought the urge to moan; "N-No, we're good!"

A huge part of me wanted to kill him for putting me through this, but the other part of me was too occupied with the familiar building feeling in my body. When I was sure my parents had stepped away, I reached down to give his hair a proper tug to get his attention; "Rome, you can't just-- you can't do that, are you insane?"

I would later regret saying that-- immediately, actually. With a rather evil look about him, Roman propped himself up on his elbows, staring back at me with a look of dark victory. I whimpered at the loss of contact, squirming in his hold. "You should've seen your face," he purred, suppressing a laugh. "You looked like you were going to cum out of fear."

Honestly, I had no idea what that even meant. Not the faintest, whatsoever. But all my plans of asking him or telling him off were thrown out the window the second I realized his mouth was covered in what I could only guess was me. I watched my slick around his lips glisten as the moonlight shone across his face-- that was certainly a sight I never imagined I'd ever see, and one I wish I could frame and pull up for special occasions. 

Roman's eyes lit up, quickly catching onto what had gotten me so dumbstruck. In a show of power, he slowly slid his tongue along his plush lips with a low hum, which in turn nearly made me gasp. A dark laugh followed, a dangerous smirk on display as he spoke the words that would later haunt my dreams; "You taste divine,"

My grip around his hair loosened, feeling as though my breath was slowly seeping out of my lungs with no control whatsoever. It hit me how badly I wanted his mouth back on me again, how much I wanted him to drive me over the edge to get that sense of relief I craved so, so-- "Well... There's more where that came from,"

Roman's lips quirked into a surprised smile, tilting his head to the side as he watched me with a look I could only describe as pride. "Shit, you're learning," he said, a hint of a laugh apparent in his voice. 

"That's my girl."

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Being Roman's girl was certainly not something I ever thought I'd be. I had imagined it, sure, played with the idea in my head, but with the premonition that I would never truly know what that entailed-- I certainly didn't think this would be it.

I should've known Roman wouldn't let this night end.

"Was it truly torture?" I asked, my legs dangling off my roof about an hour later. "The whole ordeal where I wanted you to tell me you liked me."

Roman sat beside me, having insisted that he couldn't sleep without getting a proper hit of nicotine after his stressful day. He exhaled a particularly large ring of smoke, shrugging as though that would lift the weight off his next words; "Felt like it,"

"Why?" 

"Dumb question,"

"Just answer it!"

Roman sighed, eyes fixating on the way I dangled my legs. He reached forward with his free hand, grabbing my hips and adjusting me further back on the roof. "You're going to fall off the roof like that," he mumbled, taking another drag. "Try not to die on me, hm?"

I was getting fed up with the way he was evading my question-- I sent him a look, shoulders slumping. "Rome,"

"What? I need you alive," He held out his cigarette in front of me when he was done, and I grimaced as I took it into my hand. He continued with a knowing smirk; "If you fall off the roof, people are going to think I pushed you. Think how my reputation would suffer."

I rolled my eyes; I was definitely not getting anywhere with this question tonight. "Perhaps," I watched the cigarette rest between my fingers as I held it out in front of me-- I still hadn't learned how to smoke, let alone found the will to. "But I bet you could buy your way out of prison, so I don't think you'd suffer much."

"Don't be ridiculous. If you were gone, I'd be suffering all the time," Once more, it was clear that he hadn't yet registered the weight of his words as he longingly stared at his cigarette. "Are you going to have a drag or not?"

I slowly turned to him, blinking twice. "You did not just say that,"

"What? I've waited for a cigarette break all day!--"

"Not that!" This was getting rather frustrating. I huffed, going back to dangling my legs over the edge of the roof. "That you would suffer all the time if I was gone?"

Roman shrugged, gaze now shifting to stare out on the lawn in front of us; "Of course I would. It would be this week, just all over again for eternity,"

"So, just to hear you say it again, it was torture?"

A groan-- "Yeah... It was," His big, green eyes trailed back to me once more, something unfamiliar swimming in them. "I guess you're the first girl I've ever cared for, so imagine my horror when you made it seem like you didn't care about me back."

I was sure this would break my heart all over again. My lips parted in shock, still not used to the fact that Roman was being open with me after all this time. "I never... I never thought you'd doubt that," I had to clear my throat, no longer meeting his eyes. "After how I've been acting around you."

"Acting like what?"

"Like a fool,"

Amused, Roman reached forward and brought the cigarette back between his fingers before he shifted closer to me. "Honestly? I thought it was cute," He noticed my aversion, nudging me gently before taking a drag. "I think it was the fact that you had no idea what you were doing that drew me in. And your scared little face."

I rolled my eyes, nudging him back. "Now that was torture too! The whole part where you were threatening to tell Letha we fucked in that closet during seven minutes of heaven! You should be glad I didn't succumb to a heart attack,"

"Oh, yeah... that," Roman finished his cigarette, stumping it on the hard materials of the roof. "To put it briefly, I didn't know how else to approach you. You both hated my guts and wanted to inhale me."

"Inhale you?!" 

With a hearty laugh, Roman wrapped a protective arm around me, leaning down to press a playful kiss against my ear before whispering; "I might just let you if you stay nice,"

I didn't expect my cheeks to burn the way they did-- I was dead sure I was bright red, and I buried my face in his chest to hide it. Roman, still laughing at my embarrassment, kissed the top of my head as he pulled me even closer. "Oh, poor you, am I being mean?"

Huffing, I pouted against his chest; "Yes,"

"Too much for you for one night?"

"... No,"

I didn't need to see him to know Roman was smirking, that mischievous shimmer probably apparent in his eyes. "Good," he murmured. "Because I want to mention one more thing before we go back inside and try not to wake your parents again."

Oh God-- I gathered the courage to look up at him, watching the way his hair lay in soft waves over his forehead. Something told me I should savour the moment before he opened his mouth once more, and I straightened up, watching him follow my every move with intrigue.

I placed a hesitant, delicate kiss against Roman's plush lips, feeling him sigh. I couldn't quite pinpoint why I was still nervous to initiate, why I still wondered if I was doing it all wrong, but I had a feeling I would always be. Especially when it came to Roman. The guy I had wanted for ages, who was currently sitting on my roof, kissing me back. 

It hit me that it would probably never dawn on me fully-- how could it?

Roman smiled against my lips, our breaths practically becoming one as we pulled away. I kissed him once more, shortly, before reaching forward to bring his hands into mine. "You were saying?"

His eyes, full of affection, watched as I flipped his hands and traced circles around his palms. "Just... the whole ordeal felt like shit, but that the most painful thing was to see you trying to flirt with that Daniel guy,"

"What?" My brows drew together, puzzled. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Roman chuckled, sighing at the feeling of my soft touch. "It's just obvious that you don't know what you're doing,"

"That's nonsense, I do!"

"Nope,"

"I know how to flirt!"

He shook his head rather matter-of-factly; "Nope,"

This was outrageous-- My movements came to a halt, my eyes narrowing as they met his. "Well, I got you somehow, didn't I?"

"Because I let you," Roman intertwined out fingers, the sight of his smirk nearly becoming unbearable. Why did he have to be so handsome, even whilst making fun of me? "Because I wanted to kiss you so bad, it became my every waking thought. But had it not been for that, I'm not so sure."

I gasped, fighting his grip around my hands; I had never wanted to hit him more than now, despite his confession. "Stop it, I can flirt!"

Roman hummed, sending me a look that told me he wasn't sold. "If I remember correctly, your exact words that first time were could you kiss me, then? I've had a really shitty night," He laughed at the memory, squeezing my hands. "Now, what do you say you try again?"

I was sure I was going to melt into the roof and end up as a blob of goo on my lawn. This was horrifying. My cheeks flushed again, feeling myself get more and more flustered. "Set the scene, then,"

Roman leaned forward, pressing a kiss against my forehead-- it almost felt like a push of encouragement. He pulled away, his thumbs stroking over the healing cuts on the back of my hands. "Okay... Imagine we're back in that closet, and you so desperately want to kiss me again--"

"Rome!--"

"Desperately," he whispered, eyes burning with intrigue and challenge as they bore into mine. "So what do you do?"

I held my breath, watching the amused smirk on display across his plush, pink lips. "What do you mean?"

Roman bit down on his bottom lip, trying not to laugh in my face. "Fine, let's do a different approach. I'll teach you how, instead," His gaze locked onto mine, intense and unwavering. "The key to flirting is to say exactly what's on your mind, along with having a decent enough buildup. Do you catch my drift?"

"... Sure?"

"I'll give you an example," Roman let go of my hands, almost as though to reset the scene. He ran his fingers through his hair, the corners of his mouth curving up into his classic charming smile as his eyes remained sincere. "The first part is simple. Just keep your eyes on me."

Simple was an understatement-- my heart beat harder with every breath, unable to let my mind rest while looking at the show of beauty before me, carved by the Gods. Everything about Roman was simply perfect, and I was afraid I'd turn into stone if I stared at him too long. Despite that, I adhered; I gave in to a nod, unable to dim my growing smile. 

"Then..." Roman's fingers ghosted up along the side of my arm, so light it almost tickled. I shivered, my skin reacting to the subtle contact. His fingers trailed down to my hand, and he gently intertwined them with mine, touching me as though I was made of glass-- everything about it made me feel like I was on fire. "Touch. Very, very simple, but very effective. As you see, your breath is already unsteady."

Fuck. I gulped, giving in to a nervous, soft giggle as my gaze started flickering. "Well, you certainly know what you're doing--"

"Eyes on me,"

A very simple oh escaped me, immediately focusing back on Roman despite how ridiculously nervous I was. 

He, on the other hand, seemed beyond amused at this point; "And then you say what you want. It's all very simple," Roman toyed with my fingers, running his up along the short length of mine, and the intimacy of it nearly had my breath hitching. After going from not talking at all to this, my brain wasn't as used to his antics anymore-- I so desperately hoped I wouldn't swoon and roll off the roof. 

"And that is...?"

Roman shifted, his lips now hovering inches above mine; the tension was thicker than ever, swallowing me whole. The playfulness of his smirk faded, his eyes rounding out as he realized the weight of his words before finally saying them; "I want you to kiss me just like you did a few minutes ago... Kiss me like you could possibly love me,"

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I never thought that being Roman's girl would bring me such peace. We had been together for a week now, and it felt like the best week of my life; a big part of me was sure it actually was.

My fall-out with Letha started to feel worth it-- if she couldn't accept that I was happy with Roman despite him being her cousin, then that was her loss. Why shouldn't friends be happy for each other? 

Because honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I had been this happy. Especially now that I was sitting in the passenger seat of Roman's car on a lazy Sunday, the wind blowing through my hair as he bickered with Peter about the songs playing on the stereo. I could only laugh, a bright smile on my face as I kicked back, adjusting my sunglasses as the bright rays of the day shone down on us. 

"This song sucks," Roman grumbled, clearly regretting giving his best friend Bluetooth access to the stereo. "Since when were you so into Britney Spears? Do you have nothing else you can play?"

Splaying out in the backseat, practically lying down, Peter crossed his arms behind his head as he chuckled; "Maybe I like that you don't like it? And you're a psycho if you don't enjoy this one, it's hit me baby one more time! Put some respect on the name,"

"Dude, you sound like a thirteen-year-old girl,"

"A thirteen-year-old with taste, at least!"

I couldn't help but laugh-- the one thing I had learned about Roman, was that the gang of boys he usually hung out with had nothing on his friendship with Peter. Something about the way they were annoying each other showed me all I needed to know. My gaze went back and forth between them, grinning from ear to ear. I could get used to this.

Roman rolled his eyes, switching lanes with ease. He was damn handsome behind the steering wheel, tapping his fingers along with the rhythm of the tune despite being vocal about his disdain-- the upturn of his nose, the way he quietly chewed his gum with no care in the world, everything about the sight of him and his styled brown hair made me feel beyond lucky to have his attention, even for a moment. So, when he placed his hand on my thigh, I had to bite down on my lip and look away; it was all too exhilarating.

"Could I pick the next song?" I asked, turning to Peter. I noticed he had already closed his eyes, basking in the sun as he nodded and handed me his phone.

Something told me Roman was relieved to be saved from Britney Spears-- he squeezed my thigh twice, making me giggle as I scrolled through Peter's playlist. When I finally found the perfect song, I tried to hide my smile in the palm of my hand as I held back any signs of my brewing laughter.

The second the new song sounded through the stereo, it became impossible to hold back my evil joy as Roman let out the loudest groan I'd ever heard from him; "For fuck's sake!" 

I succumbed to my laugh, hearing Peter roaring from the backseat at my song of choice. I turned to him, accepting his high-five. There was no way in hell I'd give anything up for the look on Roman's face right now— the way he rolled his eyes, sending me a quick, sharp glare; "Traitor,"

"I like Britney!" I tapped my fingers against the hand he had on my thigh, humming along to the music. "And oops, I did it again is a classic!"

Roman shook his head; "The both of you are awful,"

"We're not!" Peter protested, sitting up in his seat. "We just have superior music taste. And also, when are you going to pull over?"

"Never. Pee your pants, dipshit,"

"Yeah? I will hold your girlfriend hostage and key your car if you don't find a gas station in five minutes,"

Groaning once more, Roman rolled his eyes and switched lanes, ready to get off the highway. "You keep her out of this," He glanced at me, the spark in his green eyes unmistakable, before meeting Peter's gaze in the rearview mirror. "And you better stay away from my fucking car, I just got it repainted!"

Oh, it was impossible not to smile. Impossible. Even despite the two of them getting on my nerves, I couldn't deny that Roman was making up for my lack of friends by surrounding me with people. I wasn't sure whether he meant to or not, if it was subconscious, but I felt taken care of, even in odd company.

Roman cared for me. He was taking care of me. 

... In his own weird way, of course.

When we finally arrived at the nearest gas station, Roman's car still intact and I not held hostage, it didn't take long before Peter jumped out of the back and headed inside, giving us a moment alone.

I watched Roman fix his hair in the car mirror, and I wasn't sure whether he realized he was still humming hit me baby one more time. With a bright smile on my face, I reached out for his hand, giving it a short squeeze to get his attention. "I'm gonna run inside and get some water, do you want anything? Juice, a soda?"

My breath nearly got knocked out of me as Roman's eyes met mine, the green in his eyes more intense now than ever as the sun laid itself in soft strokes over his face. "Maybe a beer?"

"Rome, you're driving!"

"Oh, cry me a river," Roman leaned over to press a short, soft kiss against my lips. "Get me a cola or something, then."

I hummed, a faint blush apparent on my cheeks. Why did every kiss, every touch, get me so giddy? Still, I tried to keep my composure-- "Could you at least say please?"

Shaking his head, Roman reached for his wallet; "Nope. But I'll pay,"

"Just say it nicely, that's all I ask of you!"

He handed me his card, sending me a look which said don't argue. "You know the code,"

"I-- Ugh, just say it!"

"What do I get for it?" 

Calculated fucker. "Fine, I'll blow you later!" 

He grinned-- "There you go," Roman took my hand into his, pressing a kiss against my knuckles. Something told me he was simply hiding his look of victory. "Please get me a coke, and get yourself anything you'd like. Alright?"

"Alright," Despite my mind racing from the fact that I didn't know how to do what I had just promised him, I leaned over and gave Roman a sweet kiss on his cheek before I got out of the car. As I made my way to the gas station, I turned around just at the right time-- I caught the moment he tried to wipe the smile off his face with no success, clearly flustered as he failed to keep his composure.

It felt as though my hair was burning after being in the heat for this long, and I was happy to escape the sun when I entered the building. The cold breeze of the air-conditioner hit me, making me sigh in relief as I strolled along the endless aisles, looking for the perfect treat for the rest of my drive.

My head was still buzzing from the rush of being with Roman like this. The way he smiled at me, the way he leaned one arm out the window as he drove his red Jaguar down the highway-- it was perfectly picturesque. So as I reached for a chocolate bar with a wide grin on my face, I didn't expect it to get wiped away within the drop of a second.

On the other side of the aisle, a familiar pair of green eyes stared right back at me with a fright I hadn't seen in them before. Letha seemed to be holding her breath, waiting for me to speak, but instead, I froze with my hand still lingering on the chocolate-- we both stood still for so long, I was afraid the heat of my palm would melt the bar. 

Letha's gaze moved from mine and down to my hands; I watched her eyes round out at the sight of the cuts on the back of my hands, the ones caused by her new best friend Jasmine. "Your hands," she breathed, clearly taken aback. I remembered overhearing Letha's conversation with Roman, where it had been unveiled that she had no idea I had been injured at all. Suddenly, all I could remember was the hurt in her voice as she continued; "I didn't think they would be so... gosh, I hoped Roman was exaggerating." 

In the midst of my shock, I snapped out of it as a wave of anger washed over me. I was standing face to face with the girl who had made my life a living hell at school, and I no longer felt anything else than pure resentment. In a flash of confidence, I grabbed the chocolate bar and walked off without saying a word, not feeling the need to respond. 

I should've known that wouldn't be the end-- "Hey, wait!" Letha followed on the other side of the aisle, her worried eyes never leaving me. "We need to talk, I can't do this anymore!"

As I reached the end of the candy aisle, our lanes intertwined. Groaning, I turned on my heel and started my march toward the beverages, hoping to shake her off. "I can spare you the hassle and tell you I have about three visible hickeys. Kindly throw up outside," In an attempt to keep calm, I started scouring the selection of drinks. 

Letha quickly caught up to me, putting her hand over mine as I reached for the door to the beverages. "I don't care," she tried, eyes more sincere than ever. "I want you to know how sorry I am about you getting hurt. I never wanted it to go this far."

In an act of defiance, I wried my hand out of hers. "Fuck you," I sneered, forcing the fridge door open. "Sure, I got physically hurt, but I've been hurting for more than a month without you giving as much as a shit about it!" Reaching for a cola and a bottle of water, I turned to meet Letha's gaze. "Instead of shutting me out, you could've listened to me like you promised to when I told you about everything with Roman. Instead, you isolated me, made me a target, and now you expect me to want to talk to you?"

Letha's eyes were swimming in tears at this point, freezing to her spot. "I never wanted this for any of us! I'm so sorry!" She did her best to collect herself, but her voice was on the brink of breaking; "I never wanted to lose you in all of this, I miss my best friend! Do you not miss me too?"

I was ready to turn around and leave, but I stopped in my tracks. What? 

... She missed me? And she was apologizing?

Just as I was about to answer, I felt a familiar presence come up behind me. Judging by the sound of the heavy boots, I pieced together that it was Peter. "Letha?" He seemed caught off guard by her presence, but his hands still reached for the items I was holding, indicating that we should get going. 

Something about this was off-- my eyes darted back and forth between them, watching Letha's pupils dilate in what I could only guess was shock; what else could it be? "Peter? What are you--"

"Road trip," he said, tone stern as he cut her off. Peter grabbed my shoulders, now ushering me out of the way and towards the cashier. 

I became a rambling mess, uttering a few incohesive words as I looked back at Letha. What had just happened? Peter's grip on my shoulders was the only thing stabilizing me as I somehow managed to pay and get out of the gas station. He opened the door to the passenger seat, sitting me down as he rolled his eyes at the sight of his best friend fixing his hair in the rearview mirror. 

My guess was that I looked shell-shocked, because Roman immediately looked quite concerned as he exchanged a look with Peter. He reached forward, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Are you having a heat stroke? Why do you look so fried?"

Peter answered for me, plopping himself down in the back seat; "Letha," he mumbled, putting on his seatbelt. "She was in there. Didn't catch the convo, but your girls seemed to be going at each other's throats."

With a groan, Roman ran his hand down to grab mine, intertwining our fingers. "What did she say?" he asked me, giving my digits a small squeeze. 

I shook my head; "Nothing. Let's just get out of here,"

I didn't want to tell him how hard it hit me to hear that Letha missed me and that she was finally apologizing. That it was churning my heart, grinding all the molecules of my anger down into a single river of sadness. What made everything worse, was the look on Roman's face; something told me that he knew, and that he most certainly didn't want to get into a push-and-pull situation with Letha. Who would win in that situation?

I was relieved when he finally started the car-- I hoped not to think about this for the remainder of the day. 

... Was there actually hope for reconciliaton? I wasn't sure whether I was ready for that or not, but it was still killing me.

Killing me.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

After dropping Peter off at his place, Roman parked somewhere along my dimly lit street as the moonlight shone down on us, not yet wanting me to leave. He glanced over at me, watching me picking at my nails in nervous habit as my mind raced; even after a long day of fun, I couldn't forget my encounter with Letha. The look in her eyes, the fact that she wanted to finally bury the hatchet-- no, it was impossible to shake that.

Roman shifted, not giving away his true feelings about the ordeal as he scanned the way I shut down. It was clear that he was thinking rather hard about what to say next, clearly not wanting to say the wrong thing. However, something told me he was annoyed as he spoke; "Is it not enough for you?"

My brows drew together in confusion, meeting his gaze. "What are you talking about?"

Roman shrugged; "Us. This,"

"What?" I sat up in my seat, eyes widening. This was certainly not a conversation I thought we would be having a week into our relationship. "I'm confused--"

"If you're so easily swayed by Letha, it can't be enough. Right?" Roman's gaze hardened, and it didn't take long before I recognized this was a pattern-- the second he felt his position was threatened, he simply got angry. "I'm trying not to be pushy about sex, I'm being open about my feelings or whatever, but you want to run right back to her!" 

I blinked twice, baffled. "I'm not sure I want to, but what does it matter to you?--"

"You really think she'd be okay with us being together if you become friends again?" Roman's grip on the steering wheel tightened as his jaw clenched, clearly bothered by his next thoughts; "She'd make you choose."

My heart hurt-- I didn't expect him to make such conclusions. Still, I gathered my thoughts, realizing I was witnessing one of his fits of panic that he didn't know how to put into words; "Okay, you know what? You taught me a little something a week ago, and now I'm going to see if it works. Look at me, please,"

Roman didn't budge; instead, his grip around the steering wheel tightened, and I saw he was holding his breath. 

"Rome?"

A hum.

"Look at me,"

Reluctantly, he finally did. His chest rose and fell in sharp moves, clearly trying to collect himself and his impending outburst of anger. Like this, Roman was more handsome than ever-- something about how dark he got weirdly made my head buzz. 

Still, I knew I had two more steps to go; I reached out to brush the strand of hair lying over his forehead, stroking my fingers through his dark locks in an attempt to bring him back down to earth. Roman's jaw remained clenched as he met my eyes, still not letting his guard down despite his pupils widening at the sight of me. 

I ran my hand down his face, stroking my thumb across his cheek as I watched him keen against my palm. It seemed to be calming him down, and I let out a long sigh of relief to see it working. 

Now, to the last part-- "Then I just have to say what I want, right?" 

Roman seemed to catch onto what I was doing as he gave in to a small nod. The usual shimmer in his eyes returned, intrigue brewing in his green gaze; "That's how it usually goes, yeah,"

I did my best not to laugh-- something about the way he held his breath, waiting for my next words, was so ridiculously cute. Roman Godfrey, the man of the hour, the menace, my hallway crush for as long as I could remember, was nervous. A puddle of anxiety in my hands. 

And he had no idea.

"You think I went through all this shit just to throw you away?" My fingers gently trailed over his softening face, watching his every move. The weight of my next words was something I felt leave my chest the second I finally spelled them out; "You've got me, Roman. All of me. Nothing Letha ever does or says will change that, and she knows that. You have nothing to be nervous about, seriously."

What ensued caught me off guard like never before-- I didn't expect Roman to lean forward and kiss me the way he did, with passion that nearly took my breath away. The usual warmth swelled in my chest as his plush lips pressed against mine, and a mix of the night air and his touch made me shiver beneath the moonlight. It started out light; his hand trailed up from my neck, twisting into the nape of my neck, bringing me closer with a burning need I didn't see in him very often. 

Then it hit me that I hadn't ever put much thought into how hard it was to make out in a car. However, Roman was a man of many solutions-- I let in a shaky breath as our lips disconnected, but it was quickly knocked out again when his arms wrapped around me and lifted me out of my seat. I let out a loud squeak, instinctively clinging onto Roman as he somehow managed to sit me on top of him in the driver's seat, laughing against the kiss he pulled me into. 

My heart was racing, arms still draped around him in a protective hold as he pushed back the steering wheel as much as he could, downright giggling against my lips. I had never kissed someone while having a laughing fit, but as I joined in on Roman's, I realized how much of a high it was. 

"Your face," he laughed in between playful nips, hands trailing down to grab my waist. 

I rolled my eyes, grabbing a fistful of his hair to pull him away and get a proper look at him as he grinned up at me. Had it been up to me, I would've frozen this moment and kept it tucked away in my freezer, knowing it would never melt away there. Roman's eyes were illuminated by a nearby lamp, the orange hues mixing in with his green, making them a yellow-y brown; almost the same colour as his hair which was soft to the touch today, and not gelled up like usual. The way he looked at me with joy, the ultimate show of affection, nearly made me gelatin in his arms. 

Oh, and the laugh-- the fucking laugh. The gorgeous, deep laugh, which would definitely etch itself into my mind, ready to be replayed on bad days. 

I got my hands out of his hair, cupping his face as I cocked a brow; "Yeah, what about my face?"

Roman sighed, his signature smirk on display. I expected him to say something either dirty or stupid like the usual, but instead, he opted to take my breath away once more with the following-- he went quiet, eyes rounding out as he took the time to scan my every feature, every movement, as though I was a beautiful, rare diamond; "It's gorgeous," 

My lips parted, staring back at him with a dumbfounded expression. I was ready to say something, pull myself together, until I realized I didn't have to anymore-- Roman was my boyfriend.

Roman was my boyfriend. 

I didn't have to pull myself together. I could go absolutely mad, if I wanted to.

... And somehow, I found myself wanting to drive myself to complete and utter madness.

I had no idea what came over me when I placed my hands on each side of his face, slowly driving them up into his hair as I pressed my lips against him in an open, desperate kiss. Roman hummed (was that a moan?), his hands trailing down into my back pockets as he pressed me further up against him, none of us giving a damn about the fact that we were parked on a street and that anyone could walk by at any moment despite how deserted the neighborhood was so late at night.

It took a turn as Roman sunk his teeth into my bottom lip, eliciting a small whimper. The fingers I had in his hair tightened around his dark locks as a need for friction built between my legs, and when Roman drew my hips forward to meet his, I didn't fight-- instead, I was quite sure I moaned. 

My cheeks burned with the realization, but I didn't have much time to think about it. I was drawn further into a state of arousal as he got his hands out of my pockets, his big hands grabbing my ass properly as his hips bucked up to meet mine through our clothes. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck-- my brain was in such a state of overdrive, I didn't think twice before lightly sucking down on the tip of Roman's tongue, feeling him let out a shaky breath against me. 

The gentle breeze of the night poked at my clouded mind, reminding me of where we were, that I had a curfew to get to. I disconnected our lips, hearing Roman sigh; "We shouldn't," I tried, shifting as I pulled my jacket over my shoulder-- it was in this moment that I realized that he was hard. My heart fluttered with delight as I realized I could feel his cock swell with growing interest, feel him keen against me, separated by just a few layers-- my eyes widened, meeting his. Something told me it was a little too late to back down now.

Roman hummed, his breathing slowing down as he grinned up at me; "Yeah, you might be right... But why do the right thing when you can do the fun thing?" His fingers reached for my jacket, almost taking it off again. When my skin was exposed once more, he leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against my collarbones. 

I was going to push him away, remind him of our surroundings-- but as I felt Roman swipe his tongue along my skin with every kiss, I couldn't. Every touch, every kiss, made the buzzing in my mind louder. 

My breath hitched, fingers running back up into his hair as his kisses trailed further down my skin. It felt as though my hands were on fire, arousal burning through my veins as my heart thumped loudly in my chest. I wanted him so bad, I didn't think twice before I rolled my hips down against his hard cock, hearing Roman let out a grunt before he finally took the liberties to force a repetition of my actions with his hands on my ass.

This was bad; so, so bad. I knew I was done for when I shifted, the pressure against my clit only dulling my mind further. The slight tremble that appeared in my knees made me reach for the seat, no longer feeling steady; "Rome," I tried, feeling my desperation grow as his hungry kisses trailed down my shirt. 

"Shh... Just a little more," Roman's hands pressed against my back, pulling me flush against him. I nearly let out a whine as I realized he was dangerously close to the hem of my bra, and I had to take a quick look around the area to make sure no one was seeing this. "Roman--"

"You have no idea how long I've thought about having you like this," he said, voice low as his hands slowly moved up my body. "You were always so against the idea of fucking in my car... Makes me want to show you how good it could be."

I felt my face redden, burning with a mix of shock and intrigue. In fact, I was so out of it that I barely registered the moment Roman's hand reached for my bra, pulling one cup to the side to grab a handful of my chest-- 

Squeaking in shock, I didn't have time to push him off before he leaned forward, licking a wet stripe up my hardening bud. My face was practically on fire, squirming in his grip as a shaky moan escaped my lips.

"You're so pretty," he breathed, eyes meeting mine to keep my gaze locked on him as he placed an open-mouthed kiss against my breast. My breath hitched, not yet used to this feeling-- it felt as though I was getting electrocuted all the way down to my clit with every flick of his tongue. 

This was definitely the most risky thing I had ever done in my life. I never thought I would be doing anything like this on an open street and that I wouldn't be fighting it. Nonetheless, I let out a broken moan as my hands went up into his hair, my fingers twisting further into Roman's dark locks as his lips wrapped around me once more, sucking me in between his lips.

As the tremble in my legs worsened, I pulled him away from me, watching as his half-lidded green eyes shimmered with lust. "Christ," I breathed, quickly pulling my top back into place. "I'm no better than your cheerleader whores, at this point."

Roman clearly didn't expect me to say that, laughing as his hands now rested on my hips. "I haven't even done anything yet," he cooed, tracing circles into my jeans. "But actually, this reminds me there was one thing you told me you'd do..."

My eyes widened as he reached forward to clasp his fingers around my wrists. Of all the things I thought he'd do, this was certainly not it-- I felt my breath hitch once more as Roman pressed my trembling hands against his clothed, hard cock. 

Oh God. "Not here!" I tried, hoping to slow down the beating of my heart. "I can't-- Fuck, Rome, I wouldn't even know what to do!"

Roman bit his lip, mostly to not laugh right in my face. The amusement in his eyes told me all I needed to know; "You think I haven't taken that into account? I know you haven't done this before,"

"And you're still up for it...?"

Roman's eyes widened, looking rather bewildered. "Are you kidding me? I'd be up for it during a fucking terrorist attack, believe me,"

That was not an image I wanted to have in my head. Oh, Roman and his antics-- "Shut up," I mumbled, feeling myself grow more anxious. Anyone could walk by right now, and my parents were definitely wondering where on earth I was.

"You shut up,"

I gasped, my eyes narrowing at the sight of Roman's grin; "Hah! Make me,"

"Sure," he said, shrugging. "You might moan a little, though."

I was tempted to freeze up until a reflex I didn't know I had kicked in-- shifting, I put my hand on his thigh to support myself as the one he had put over his hard-on reached for his zipper. "Don't fuck with me, Godfrey. I might just retaliate,"

I watched all the air in Roman's lungs seep out through his mouth as his green eyes burned into mine, a look of surprise streaking across his face which quickly morphed into intrigue. "Shit," he breathed. "I've broken you already, haven't I? Who are you, and what have you done to my girl?"

I couldn't help but smile-- this was something I could certainly get used to. "Breaking me is going to take a lot more, don't you worry,"

"Really, now?" Shifting, Roman's face was mere inches away from mine. The night air flowed through his hair in a soft breeze, his parted lips looking more enticing than ever-- I longed for them to be kiss-swollen once more. He gently nudged his nose against mine, hovering to drag out the tension as I held my breath in anticipation for his next words; "I'm dying to put that to the test... Can't wait to see you all pretty and broken, whimpering while I fuck you."

I hadn't been so flustered in my life-- I struggled to catch my breath, succumbing to a nervous laugh. Roman was so damn intense, I didn't know how to recover. To put the cherry on top, I had subconsciously tightened my grip around his clothed hard-on, and I heard him let out a shaky breath against me. 

I couldn't look at Roman for too long-- I was afraid I'd melt. The green in his eyes swallowed me, drawing me in, enticing me to say yes, but I knew I couldn't. Not right now, at least. Instead, I forced myself to remember that we were on an open street once again, and that I really needed to get home soon.

It was too early for all of that, anyway.

"Oh, you and your dirty mouth," I breathed, leaning forward to press a short kiss against his keening lips. My hands lifted off him, resting at his shoulders. "For someone that insists they're not pushy about sex, you sure talk a lot about it."

Roman sighed, catching onto the fact that I was ready to leave. "I said I'm trying. But I'm open to the possibility that I might be failing," His grip on my hips tightened, pulling me closer with a pout. "Don't leave just yet. Stay."

If it had been up to me, I would've stayed in this moment forever. "My parents are going to kill me," I said, pressing another kiss against his lips, feeling him smile against me. "We have school tomorrow, anyway--"

"Stay," Roman's arms wrapped around me in a strong hold, engulfing me in his seductive cologne. "Just kiss me a little more, and I might consider letting you go in about three hours or so."

I rolled my eyes, giggling against him. "Come on, you're not making it easy for me here!--"

"Exactly,"

"Rome, I--" As my phone rang in my jacket on the passenger seat, I let out a sigh of relief; "Okay, that's definitely my parents calling. I'm about to be grilled like a turkey at Thanksgiving, thank you very much!" 

Roman huffed as I placed a kiss against his forehead, letting go of me with a disappointed snort before he leaned over, handing me my phone. 

I did my best not to get too swept up in his puppy eyes, knowing I was two seconds away from staying in the car with him all night. However, I knew it would definitely not end well for my sanity. So as I turned my phone around, ready to answer my parents and start explaining why I was so late, I froze when I saw who the actual caller was. 

Roman's demeanour immediately changed-- something told me he already knew. Still, he asked; "Who is it?"

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck fuck!

"... It's Letha,"

(a/n: if you've come this far, thank you so so much!!! here's PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 7, PART 8 if you want to check them out!!<3333)

just tagging a few people that seemed interested!!<3:

@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx

@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt

@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani

@virgosapphire79 @star-girl-04 @veyzus @ddipotassium

[mitch-the-silly]

Totally love your works. I have an angst idea 😆 so fem!reader and Vox have been in a long term relationship, like during the time Alastor was gone. Now that he's back, he's become his obsession and starts to neglect reader and brushes any affection she's trying to give and receive off. When she finally tries to talk to him about how he's focusing all his energy on the radio demon, he basically goes off on her and says how it's the only thing that matters. She, feeling unimportant, leaves and it's not until he sees her things gone from their shared place that he realizes he fucked up.

Can lead to him groveling like a simp and end in fluff comfort and makeouts. Or can end there if you wanted to leave your readers in suspense if you want to do it in two parts 😈 muaha I'm evil.

RAHHHHHH!!!!

I took some time with this one because I had to cook it up with care. When I tell you Alastor and Vox's dynamic is what I BREATHE FOR-

Now add someone else to the mix on Vox's side- This is something I've been waiting to write for WEEKS-

RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I was going feral writing this- Anyway, enjoy your angst >:DDD

This is a two parter!!!

Vox x fem!reader

Angst!!!

"Can't Seem to Hold Me, Can't Seem to Let Him Go" Pt.1

Part 2

It was a privilege to receive affection from Vox. Not even that, but it seemed that if it wasn’t for you, his life was boring and mundane. Nothing truly got him all excited and manic anymore, and he was starting to hate his life a little bit. He was already at the top of the game, he and the rest of the Vees were the most powerful overlords. What else was there to do around here?

But, well, all was not bad, he had you. While the power he held had a kick to it, there was nothing like the drug of rivalry. But with Alastor gone, he had to settle for the next best thing, love. Oh, it ought to be an adventure. And that drug had such a kick, oh he was obsessed with it.

And that’s where you came into the picture, he met you at a nightclub. So pretty and talented, just the kind of people he loved to surround himself by, just what he wanted, just what he craved… And you kept him as entertained as he needed to be. To the point that he felt like perhaps he was sort of falling in love with you. Oh, how the bliss of forgetting his fights of the past with a pretty woman. He’d allowed his heart the validation it needed and he figured if someone loved him as deeply as you did, truly everyone loved him.

Of course, he still had to balance Velvette and Valentino, but that was the mundane part of his power-hungry scheme. The mixture, of your attention and doting intertwined with his total control of the population… oh he was living the life… truly. Or at least that was what he tried to tell himself. Ever since Alastor disappeared, he felt a hole in his heart. Something that couldn’t quite be quenched by all the power the world had to offer or the women this land had to throw at him.

It was the pure thrill of obsession that he missed, that he craved, but no one was a worthy opponent to him anymore. Alastor was gone. Alastor… his one and only obsession… what was he to do now? He could not fathom being this bored and empty all eternity. But what could he do about it? Nothing but sit and sulk, truly. But to himself, of course, he knew that telling you this would just leave you confused about your position in his eyes. And he truly did care about you, but… you were the only interesting thing in his life, and his one fatal flaw was always wanting for more.

You had your arm linked with Vox’s, ascending from his TV surveillance room onto the upper floors. You tapped his shoulder, catching his attention. “You’ve got a little somethin’.” You chuckled, pointing at the corner of his mouth. “Let me get it.” You giggled, gesturing for him to lean down. He obliged and you wiped the edge of his lips with your thumb.

“Forgot to get that spot. It’s hard to get all of them, you know? You should start cleaning up your own mess.~” He teased.

“It’s not my fault someone wanted to make out down there…” You huffed jokingly, linking arms with him again. You two stood still, smiling like cardboard cutouts as you waited for the elevator doors to open. The second they did, a crowd surrounded you two. Asking both of you all sorts of questions. It was always this way, an everyday routine since Vox was a celebrity, and by dating him, so were you. Every public area you were in was nothing but camera flashes and microphones. It was a bit much at times, but Vox enjoyed it so much, that you didn’t seem to mind too much. Once their questions were answered, and Vox shooed them away, you two went to your destination freely. And you continued to do this for days and days after that. You loved your routine, and found peace in the sort of monotony you two had.

But oh no, no good thing lasts forever. An unlucky morning, you found yourself in Vox’s surveillance room, sitting on his lap, enjoying each other’s company. It was a day like no other, truly.

“Look at that!” He shouted, pointing at one of his monitors, “What does it feel like to be with someone so rich and fucking powerful, baby? Just look at how easily they flock to me~” He chuckled, caressing your face.

“Oh~ You’re just the perfect mastermind~ I’m the luckiest sinner in hell~” You cooed, kissing the bottom corner of his screen, leaving behind a red lipstick kiss stain.

“Why don’t you kiss a bit higher?~ You missed my mouth entirely~?” He cooed back, fake pouting at you as to request you kiss his lips.

You obliged, leaning closer to him, but just before you planted your kiss, his face blared with an incoming call screen. His ringtone was so stupid, but it was charming nonetheless. You saw who was calling him: Velvette. She was either calling to annoy him (which you totally respected; annoying Vox was your favorite pastime after making out with him), or because she needed something important. So you sat back down in his lap as Vox answered the phone, passing the call from his face to a television.

“Hello there, Velvette! How are you this… hellish morning?~” Vox chuckled, picking up his coffee mug and taking a sip from it, after which he pecked your lips. He was a huge fan of flaunting you to his fellow Vees.

“Oh cut the shit Vox. I need you up here. Now.” Velvette demanded, side-eyeing you slightly, but then smiling when you looked at her.

Vox, continued to tenderly touch you, caressing your cheek, not even looking at Velvette anymore, just admiring your precious face. “Whatever could be the problem, dear?”

“Well, your little boy-toy, is wrecking my department while I’m trying to pull together a show! And-” She paused, to turn behind her, Valentino could be heard in the background as flying body parts flew behind Velvette. It was most definitely another Valentino tantrum. Vox had no choice but to turn to her now… “So get your ass here! Now. And don’t bring your girlfriend, it’s NOT going to make Valentino feel any better, you know how he’s always bitching about her.” Velvette yelled, after which she turned around to yell at Valentino, immediately hanging up afterward.

Vox sighed, the adoring smile he gave you morphing into an annoyed frown. “Stay here, doll. I have to stop another tantrum…” He picked you up and placed you on his chair. Then he walked away, muttering under his breath about how tedious having to check on Val was and how he hated his life.

A bit of pity overcame you, but you figured it was simply the burden power came with. You frowned at being left out of the situation, but you smiled at the realization that you didn’t have to sit there and wonder what came of this whole fiasco. Vox’s cameras! Oh, they were all over the place, and you knew how to work the surveillance room perfectly.

So you began to observe him, watching him talk to some paparazzi, announcing a new product or line, perhaps, then leaving towards Velvette’s department. And ‘in shambles’ was an understatement when it came to describing what you saw in there. Models running around, Velvette yelling at some designers, Valentino had definitely thrown the place off course, but you knew Velvette had it under control. She was always on top of things.

You observed how she spoke to Vox, shooing him up to Valentino’s tower… You hated that place. You would have started off there if it wasn’t for Vox seeing you first. And oh the stories you’ve heard about it… You didn’t talk to Valentino much, but the very few times you did he was very passive-aggressive. You didn’t like him much, but you understood that the porn industry was something Vox needed to have control over in order to have the power he desired. You weren’t too fond of… his history with Vox, and you didn’t even wanna know if they still had something going on. You preferred to stay in the shadows about it. If anything was still happening, you were sure it was because Vox needed him in check. And Valentino was a tricky one for sure, but you’d rather not think about the subject.

You observed Vox enter Valentino’s quarters, his room was full of that red smoke he always had around him. You knew it was a drug of sorts… it made you sick to your stomach to think that maybe Vox was under it too… But, again, not something you liked to think about. Vox approached him and the second Valentino saw him, he got up, smashed his cocktail glass on the floor in pure rage.

You weren’t one to criticize people’s maturity (it’s not like your Vox wasn’t quite the man-child at times), but you hated the way Valentino tended to pounce at first signs of anything. His short temperament sort of pissed you off. Or maybe it wasn’t his temperament that ticked you, it was probably the attention Vox gave it. You proceeded to listen to their conversation, Valentino complaining about another one of his employees… Typical of him. It didn’t surprise you it was Angel Dust who he was bitching about. He always bitched about his star employee.

And you could tell Vox was uninterested, observing him text on his phone as Val ranted. Funny enough he was texting you. You found it so cute how perfect his grammar was over text. He loved to portray himself as refined and superior in every aspect.

Val’s rambling again

What do you wanna get for dinner?

I was thinking, maybe… Chinese?

What do you think, Doll?

After which, a phrase Val said caught his attention and he indulged him with a response. Response which was met with more screams and whines from Valentino. And just as you were about to text Vox back with the answer to his question, you saw how Val took Vox’s phone and smashed it into the wall. You sighed in annoyance. You were about to switch off their conversation until you heard Valentino say where Angel Dust was…

He was living with Lucifer’s daughter? Angel Dust living with Princess Charlie? This only meant he could be in one place, that hotel you heard her announce. Valentino rambled about going there and killing everyone there, which Vox immediately shut down. It was his perpetual situation. He always had to put Valentino in his place, reminding him that his delusions were not to be acted upon.

He always talked to Valentino like he was a child. He did the same to you too, but it was more loving… You were sure. When he spoke to Valentino that way, it was more condescending. You liked to hear that even Vox thought this was stupid. Either that, or he was using his TV Show Host Voice to get through to him. You huffed at the sight of Vox lighting a cigarette for Val, listening to what they were talking about again. Since you’d zoned out while mentally criticizing Val.

“You know…~ Angel isn’t the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil’s Princesa~...” Valentino cooed, turning back to Vox who was messing around with some of Vaelintino’s things.

“Oh? Who else is in there? Someone who… owes you money?” Vox replied, as uninterested as before, but still attempting to put up a facade for his fellow Vee.

Valentino laughed at his response, “Someone who owes us much more than money~...” He chuckled, shaking the ashes off his cig.

Vox lifted a brow, pretending to care. But he was about to care about what Valentino had to say, very soon.

“The Radio Demon is there…~” Valentino cooed.

Vox’s demeanor switched in a millisecond. The mere name sent shivers down his spine, his hypnotic eye bulging on his screen as he dug his claws into the nearest piece of furniture. He began to crackle with electricity, his voice was low and extremely reverbed. "W̵h̵a̷t̸ ̴d̴i̵d̸ ̷y̶o̷u̷ ̷j̵u̵s̶t̶ ̷s̴a̴y̷.̵.̷.̵?̶ ” He muttered, turning slowly to Valentino.

You could see something in him change. It was a bit scary in all honestly, you knew Vox to be one to put up masks, but this one… it was one you didn't even know he had up.

“Oh, you heard me~.” Valentino replied, grinning back at him.

“Alastor… came back and he is with Lucifer’s d̶a̸u̶g̸h̴t̴e̵r̶ … and that wasn’t the F̷I̷R̷S̴T̴ ̵ F̷̺̕Ủ̷̺C̵͕̕K̵̟̚Ị̵̉N̸̺̂G̸͖̍ ̵͔̽T̷͍͊H̸̫͘I̸͇̒N̴̪͘G̵͙̿ ̸̦͠Y̵̜̎Ọ̴̍U̶̫̎ ̸̪͘T̴͓̕O̸̙̎L̵̼̓D̴̛̥ ̶͊͜M̷̮̆Ē̷̫?̴̧̆!̶͎̕ ” Vox roared, grabbing Valentino by the collar.

The taller demon brushed this gesture off, walking away from him, “Hey~ Killing Alastor is your kink~!” Val chuckled, sitting on a countertop near some monitors.

Without wasting a second, Vox zapped towards the little surveillance Valentino had in his room. You could barely see what was on that screen, but it was enough for you to be able to tell that The Radio Demon was in that footage. You watched the way Vox observed him. It was obsessive, so attentive and careful. It… it made you a tiny bit jealous, in all honesty. For the past seven years, he’d only looked at you that way, or rather, he’d never looked at you that way and to that extent at all.

You observed Vox mutter about Alastor, (ignoring Valentino’s complaints about Angel Dust) he was buzzing and crackling like crazy. Was he livid? Excited? You just couldn’t tell. But you didn’t have much time to think, because, in the blink of an eye, Vox wrapped his conversation up with Val and zapped his way out of his tower.

After which, you heard the doors to the room you were in open up. You got up, seeing Vox approach you. You tried to speak to him, but he shoved you to the side. “Not now Y/n. Go upstairs.” He commanded.

Sitting in his chair, he pressed a button, connecting himself to the machine before him. He was getting ready to broadcast.

His behavior took you aback. You couldn’t believe he’d done this to you. But what else could you do? He’d ignored you.

So you went up the elevator, observing his display via television.

He was losing his fucking mind. Spiraling. You’d never seen Vox like this. And yet, one would think he’d be pissed by this new discovery… but he was… genuinely smiling… you’d never seen him this happy.

Shit got interesting when Alastor responded, however, beginning his radio broadcast. Of course, Vox broadcasted this on the channel too with the intention of beating Alastor on air. A mistake he was sure to pay for. You watched Alastor tear him to bits, hearing even that Vox had asked Alastor to be a Vee and him rejecting the offer as the reason for their rivalry.

And then it clicked… Vox saw Alastor as his main priority. And if what Alastor said was true… Vox’s approach to this refusal was “If I can’t have him, I must destroy him.” Of course, you weren’t allowed to ponder on this much, since Vox began to glitch.

He was losing his patience, spiraling more and more, threatening Alastor until he caused a blackout and ending his broadcast.

Over the darkness of the room you were in, in the distance, you could hear the ominously menacing voice of Alastor as he warned Vox that the time of his reign was over… you could imagine what this made Vox feel. He’d essentially lost the argument by losing his composure.

Alas, you were sure you could try to find him downstairs. He confided in you, you were sure about this. So after a huge blow to his ego such as this, you had to go to him and console him. So you made your way back to his surveillance/broadcast room. You opened the doors to see him crouched down over a screen. He swiped through the footage of everyone in the Bee district speaking. “Where is he? Where is he broadcasting from?” he cried out, switching from screen to screen, checking every camera on every sector on the Pentagram. “He put a fucking tower in that hotel?!” he raged.

“Vox…” You mumbled softly, approaching him.

“Not now.” He blurted bluntly. “Ughh… I need to meet with the other two… Alastor’s return brings in a new set of problems.” He chuckled. And while he tried to sound as annoyed as possible, you couldn’t help but see that light in his eyes. One you didn’t even know was missing. He was obviously enjoying himself, but why? Why was he this excited?

“Don’t overexert yourself, ok?” You suggested, trying to look out for him.

“Don’t overexert myself? Alastor is fucking back! I’m not sleeping until this fucker is taken down!” He spat back, walking off.

You let him be, it seemed to be important. But as days went by, he began to spend less time with you to the point in which he began to ignore you. He’d shove you to the side to spend his day obsessing over sabotaging Alastor. Days passed and he shut you out, completely cutting you off in order to spend more time feeding his obsession. You couldn’t stand this, you had to tell him to turn your way.

So you went to his broadcast/surveillance room, observing the way he peered over his screens. Spreading rumors and lies about Alastor in order to smear his image. He muttered as if he was spiraling, speaking things that sounded like gibberish when paired with the sound of his revered and staticized voice.

“Vox…” You spoke, trying to catch his attention.

“W̶̥͗H̸̠͒A̵̳̓T̵̩̏?̷̲̕!̵͎̓” Box yelled, turning to you in annoyance.

“I need to talk to you.” You spoke, a bit taken aback by his reaction to you speaking to him.

“I’m too busy for that. Another day, sweetheart.” He spoke, shrugging you off.

“No, another day will not do. I want to speak now.” You demanded.

“Now’s not the time to be a brat. I’m busy and that’s final.” Vox huffed, attempting to get you to leave.

“Why are you ignoring me?! Ever since Alastor came back, you haven’t even said more than three sentences to me! Am I not important to you?” You cried out, getting all up in his face. If he refused to acknowledge you, you were going to make it impossible for him to do so.

“Hey hey hey! I’m busy! Go bother someone else, this is important!” He protested, pushing you away from him.

“You’re not listening to me!! Am I not important!?” You screamed, shoving his arms away from you.

“Alastor is important to me right now! Does that answer your question?!” He yelled back, turning away from you to do as he had before.

You stood there in shock, he’d essentially told you that you weren’t important to him. What was truly important to him was Alastor and the sabotage of his power. So you walked off, running away from him.

Vox did not realize what he’d done. He was too obsessed and preoccupied with his own obsessions that he didn’t seem to notice that he’d driven you away…

[sitaraa--writes]

Making Her Mine

Summary: Rebekah compels Elena to reveal her feelings for you and now your trust is betrayed. Rebekah seizes this opportunity to warm up to you as she has always found you attractive. Hanging out with her escalates to a make-out session as you relish your newfound feelings for her...

Smut, angst, a lil' bit of fluff

Elena cheating on the reader, Elena slander

3K

A/N: This is the first time I've published smut. I hope it's fine (I know it's horrible) otherwise just forget this happened... do let me know if you liked it. Happy reading!

Rebekah Mikaelson X Fem!Reader

Rebekah was dragging Stefan by the arm to the high school library and you trailed behind them, compelled to do as the Original said.

Elena, your girlfriend of two years, gasps and stands up at your arrival. "Stefan, Y/N..."

You shot her a confused look, not understanding why was she so shocked.

Rebekah shot at the brunette. "Did I say you could move?" Elena shot her an exasperated look as she slowly sat down and you moved to sit near her.

She circled you people and spoke loudly in her accented voice. "Class is in session. You know the rules. Answer my questions honestly. No disobedience, no one leaves. April, my sweet, take notes. That's how you get answers in this town."

Her gaze lingered on you, which made you feel nervous and fidgety. Sure, you didn't show it, but she was a thousand-year-old vampire who could kill you in the blink of an eye, who was currently eyeing you like a predator would do to its prey. "In the year 1114, my brother learned, thanks to yours truly, about a brother of vampire hunters with tattoos that grew with each kill. These tattoos revealed what, Elena?"

"A map" your girlfriend answered, looking down. "Which led to... Caroline?"

"A cure for vampirism."

"Perfect. So we're all caught up. Stefan Salvatore, the last time we saw each other, you had a vampire hunter. But in order to decode the map, you need the location of the hunter’s sword, which you got out of me by using some very dirty tricks. Assuming you found the sword, you also found the cure… and you’re all still vampires. Something went wrong."

She looked at April. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, you asked me to take notes."

Rebekah sighed. "Oh, I wasn't being literal, darling. But now that you mention it, a flow chart would be nice. Which means index cards and push pins. Go fetch." The teen left.

At that very moment, the blonde Original appeared oh-so-tempting to you. The way she exercised control over all of you made you feel hot all over. It has happened quite a few times before. But you were with Elena and you had no tolerance for cheaters. There was just something about Rebekah that has always piqued your interest, but then again, loyalty was the most important thing for you. No one else but Elena had a place in your heart all this time.

Stefan grew irritated and straightened up. "You're wasting your time. We don't know anything."

"So you just gave up? I thought you'd do anything to save Elena. Y/N?"

Suddenly, all eyes in the room stared at you. The tension was so thick, you though a chainsaw was needed to cut through it. You sensed something bad and grew antsy under their collective gazes. "Why are you all staring?"

No answer. "Guys...?"

Rebekah spoke again. "I'm missing something. What is it?"

No one spoke. "I asked you what happened. You have to tell me."

Finally, the younger Salvatore brother spoke. "Elena slept with Damon."

You whipped your head around to look at the mentioned brunette. Hot, white rage was all you felt thrumming in your veins. You were known for your calm demeanor and excellent control over anger, but it was getting really difficult not to claw the doppelganger's eyes out. "What is the meaning of this?!"

The doe-eyed Gilbert just looked down and spoke nothing. She knew how much your relationship meant to you. She knew that once your trust is betrayed, it's over. She knew that loyalty was the most important thing in the entire world to you. And yet she chose to disrespect you. It made you feel so pathetic. Another victim of the Petrova charm putty in the doppelganger's paws. What a bitch. Your eyes burned with hot tears, threatening to fall down. Your throat choked and tightened, making it impossible for you to say another word. No. You thought. You wouldn't shed your tears for a cheater. Tears are so precious; blood flows from the body, tears flow from the soul. Never in your entire life you had felt so insulted and betrayed. I am going to ruin them, you thought. No, I mustn't waste a moment of my life on these worthless assholes. You decided the latter was a better option. No one was as crafty and cruel as you when it came to revenge. You would be consumed by the fire of vengeance. God, you thought you sounded like you were going on a bloodbath. But that's the dark beauty of you...

You subtly took a deep breath and leaned back, your face a stone-cold mask in which even the most observant couldn't find a crack. You felt Rebekah's searing gaze in your bones. And in some way, it made you feel safe. And damn you when you didn't know why...

"So vampire Elena is a trollop who likes bad boys, but it doesn’t explain why sweet, loving, innocent Elena could be so heartless towards Y/N. How could she hurt her like that? Answer, please." The Original said, looking at Stefan.

He sighed as he spoke. "She didn't know it at the time, but she was sired to Damon."

Rebekah smirked. "A sire bond? That’s fascinating. And what do you think about that, Elena?"

Elena spat at her, "I think you’re sad. And bored. And in desperate need of a hobby."

It angered but didn't deter the blonde. She compelled the Gilbert. "You're hiding something. Fess up."

"I didn’t sleep with Damon because I’m sired. I slept with him because I’m in love with him," she spoke in such a way as if she were proud of what she'd done. That was the last straw.

"Fuck you." You spat with so much hatred and venom, that no more words were needed to convey the message: we're over. Then you spun on your heel and stormed out, carrying a kaleidoscope of emotions and the weight of Rebekah's lingering gaze.

You didn't know it at the moment, but you and Elena breaking up might just be the best thing that has happened to the Mikaelson...

It was nearly midnight, and you were at your house alone. You ate an entire tub of vanilla ice-cream, and now you were feeling guilty about it. You could have downed that bottle of Jack and Daniel hidden in your closet, but you decided you were not going to surrender to Damon's coping mechanisms.

Your room looked like a lowkey brothel, complete with silk sheets, roses, scented candles, and dim lighting. Hell, you were dressed in flimsy lace pyjamas, finding them extremely comfortable. But in your taste, it was a much-deserved self-care session.

Flipping through the pages of an erotic novel for the past hour, you got bored. It was so smutty, all the protagonists seemed to do was have sex. You grew irritated, your sex life was in shambles.

Suddenly, the bell rang. At this odd hour, you thought it would be Caroline stopping by with some ridiculously expensive cosmetics for a girl's night in, a not-so-subtle attempt of hers to comfort you. You might've hated Caroline at the moment for keeping Elena's secret, but you guessed you could live with it.

Every pore of your being protested when you rose, wrapped your robe around yourself and climbed down the stairs to open the door. The last person you were expecting to show up on your door was Rebekah Mikaelson.

Your heart skipped a beat. She looked so hot. Like get on your knees right now hot in those tight jeans and spaghetti top. For the first time ever, you could admire her classic, almost divine, beauty without any inhibitions or restrictions. For the first time, you really seemed to take her in. And gods, she was a sight for sore eyes. And damn you for wanting to bite that red lip and tear off her clothes.

You snapped out of it when she smirked. The look in her eyes made you weak in the knees. You knew that she knew of the effect she had over you.

You cleared your throat. "Rebekah, was an entirely unexpected surprise. How can I help you?"

She smiled. "Well, for starters, you could invite me inside..."

You knew it was dangerous. But you were so desperately praying for something to happen. You didn't care about the consequences. You wanted her so bad, you felt it in your bones, the desire running deep in your veins.

"Alright, would you like to come in?"

She looked surprised for a moment that you gave in so easily. But then she smiled wide and said, "I would love to." Then she stepped inside. Your heart hammered crazily in anticipation.

"Where shall I keep these?" She asked, holding up her arms. Then you noticed that she had a couple of bags looped in her arms. "I brought wine and something to munch."

You softened. "Oh, you didn't need to..."

"Oh, of course I do." She smiled softly.

You helped her with the bags to the kitchen. "Rebekah, this is a lot..." you began but she waved you off. You couldn't believe that an Original vampire was in your house in the middle of the night, who brought very costly wine and snacks to last an entire month. The blonde standing in front of you was the supposed nemesis of your friends, but what happened today was your defense.

"But why?"

"Well, that doppelganger bitch hurt you, and I was the one who meddled and you found out like this. So I guess I owed you one."

"No, no! I owe you one. I probably wouldn't have known for a longer period of time and that would've been so pathetic."

"Still... well, I hate her and you do too. So I thought that it's not such a bad idea to bond over our mutual loathing for her and maybe plot our revenge?" She said with that cute little smirk, making me laugh.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Nothing cheesy."

"You think so? Elena ought to be the cheesiest girlfriend ever."

She rolled her eyes. "Thought so,".

"Come on,"

You guided her upstairs to your bedroom, and you were really, really nervous. Your heart was beating so loudly that you knew all too well that she could hear it.

Rebekah was in a frenzy of lust and excitement. She'd dreamt of this a little too many times and now it was real. You were the loveliest creature she'd ever encountered and she thought that you were really strong, funny and protective. And she really seemed to enjoy the not-so-decent outfit you were clad in.

The blonde glanced around your room and smirked in an almost-appreciative way. You felt a bit embarrassed about your clothes and your room, but hey, we all have those moments.

You put on a thriller on your laptop as you both sat comfortably on your post bed, with a huge bowl of chips to snack on.

About an hour must have passed in comfortable silence, and your dirty thoughts were put to rest for a while too as you focused on the complex plot of the movie. Then your patience was about to be tested.

An intimate scene was displayed on the screen and you froze. You became antsy as your thighs came in contact with Rebekah's hand. The tension in the room could be cut through with a knife. Your unbridled lust and roaring desire for her was consuming you and you couldn't control yourself as you turned to face her.

She was thinking the same thing as you and your lips collided. Your tongues fought for dominance as you explored every corner of her mouth, her doing the same.

It was a passionate, rough, and all-consuming kiss that had you moaning in her mouth and both of you had your eyes closed in bliss. She cupped your face while your hands tangled themselves in her golden locks.

It was so exhilarating, and you had just kissed... you were almost scared to know where the night would lead you.

Your lungs burned for oxygen but kissing her seemed the best way to die. Finally, you parted, gasping for air.

"That was..." you began, panting.

"Amazing," she finished, holding your eyes. You leaned in for another kiss, but she beat you to it. You kissed her senseless and your hands seemed to have a mind of their own as you began undressing her. Kissing her was your new favourite thing to do.

Her lips moulded perfectly into yours. The purpose of your life was to be hers, and at that very moment, everything was forgotten. She followed your actions and undid the flimsy lace and pushed you down, making you lie down.

The two of you were completely bare as your eyes met. You could drown and die in the blue ocean of her eyes. It was like being reborn. Her eyes held a challenge, promised an adventure and you reveled in the anticipation, the thrill and in her amorousness.

She raked her eyes all over your body and your every pore, every limb shook in bliss and ecstasy. "Damn, you're gorgeous..."

You smiled in satisfaction at her words and pulled her down to mesh your lips together.

Her lips slowly moved down to your neck, kissing and biting, leaving a trail of love bites all over. Lewd, wet sounds filled your ears as you flushed. She was a heady mixture. Slowly, very slowly, she moved down to the little dent at the base of your neck, then placed ticklish, feather-light kisses on your prominent collarbone. She kissed and licked through the valley of your breasts, down to your navel and your sensitive lower stomach.

She placed kisses along your waistline, making you gasp and moan into the silk-covered pillows. Your toes curled in pleasure when you felt her hot breath fanning over your womanhood. She had barely begun and you were already dripping wet.

The blonde moved down to kiss your inner thighs. So close but not giving you what you want.

"Rebekah, please..." you pleaded with her. Her eyes were a mixture of lust and amusement. "Please what?"

"Touch me!"

"Where?" She was such a tease. You grew frustrated and you grabbed her hand and guided it between your parted thighs. A loud, throaty gasp escaped your mouth as her fingers worked their magic upon your wet, slippery folds. You almost tore the sheets your fingers were gripping and you buried your face into the pillows to muffle your moans. But you decided against it. You wanted her to hear you. You wanted her to know just how good she was making you feel. Your body was so responsive to her touches .

Just then, her fingers hit that spot and you cried out in pure pleasure. You felt the pleasure building up and the sounds leaving your mouth resonated in every nook and corner of your house.

"Do you want me to stop?" she questioned innocently, but you knew all too well. "Shut up," you barely managed to say between your uncontrollable moans.

You wanted to tell her that you were going to reach your release, but the pleasure was too much and all you could think about was how good she was.

You started shaking and almost screaming as you reached your precipice. You quite literally saw stars as you came. Rebekah's gaze upon you was that of pure worship as she licked her fingers which were coated with your arousal. Then she leaned in to kiss you deeply and you could taste yourself on her lips. "You're so pretty..." she whispered, almost as if in a daze. You smiled and grabbed her my the arms, helping her lie down.

"My turn now," you spoke, aspiring to make her feel as good as she made you feel. You pulled her in for another searing kiss as you parted her thighs. Moving down, you maintained eye contact as you stuck out your tongue and tasted her. You'd never heard anything sexier than the gasp that left her lips when you did.

Soon, your tongue circled and lapped over her folds. Her throaty moans were music to your ears. You pulled back just when she was about to reach her high, deciding to use your fingers. Her sweet moans might as well would've been heard by the neighbours as you pleasured her all night long and to the breaking of dawn.

You both lay bare barring the sheet covering you as you watched the sun rise. To you, it felt surreal and as if it were a dream.

"I've wanted this for so long," Rebekah softly confessed. "When I met you first, I thought you were really pretty, like a royal. Your wit and wordplay is unmatched. I love how strong you are, how you don't need anyone to fight for yourself and how you're so ambitious. But you were with Elena and-" you silenced her with a kiss.

"You've no idea for how long I've wanted this too. But I'm afraid that with the arrival of the dawn, I'd wake up and all of this would be nothing but a dream." You spoke softly.

"Trust me, your screams last night were very real,"

You laughed as you kissed her. She pulled you into her arms for another round. And sure enough, the hickeys covering you were very real...

[honestlyijustfindhersocharming]

Incoming tangent about why Dead Boy Detectives is so important to me.

I found Dead Boy Detectives late, and I found the DBDA fandom even later. I'm not one to watch shows, especially not new ones. Even more so, I'm not one to watch supernatural horror, or any horror for that matter. Movies and shows seem like such a big time commitment to just sit there and do 'nothing' during, but Dead Boy Detectives intrigued me.

Once I started watching the show, I fell in love. Between the representation of POC actors throughout the cast, the sense of humor, and the mysteries I felt like I'd found a show that I could get invested in for the first time in a while. As the show progressed, I found myself invested in this story of loneliness, self-acceptance, and friendship.

Internalized homophobia is something that is very personal to me. I've struggled with it throughout my life, especially given the fact that I'm queer and non-binary. Watching Edwin go through a moment of "Wow, I can like boys" because of Niko's support (a friend, not a love interest) was so healing to me. Normally it feels like queer acceptance is a result of love in media, not a result of platonic support, so having that journey be a result of Niko was honestly amazing. Throughout the show, Niko's support is invaluable to Edwin's self-discovery, something that I can relate to as my friends were the ones who truly supported me through my queer journey, not potential partners.

Dead Boy Detectives' emphasis on platonic friendships is riddled throughout the show though. Niko and Edwin's Scooby Doo movie night was an example of how friendship can inspire people. Crystal's want for her mom to accept her brought Niko to a place where she felt like she could try to write to her mom again. Edwin and Niko's time together brings them to a place of deeper connection, meanwhile, the romantic pairing of Charles and Crystal spend time kissing instead of thinking about or discussing their problems.

And then the confession scene. This was the scene that got me into Dead Boy Detectives, and it's the scene that's been my lifeblood since. Of course, the confession itself is wonderfully written and the actors are so talented, but what hit me the hardest was how when Edwin says I love you the first time, Charles says it back without any questions. That simple "I love you too" was enough to make me consider this show one of my favorites of all time. Yes, Charles and Edwin are ultimately the core 'love story' of the show, in my opinion (They're positioned like Orpheus and Eurydice constantly and it drives me up the wall with my Hadestown hyper fixation added to it). But the importance of their friendship trumps everything else, and the emphasis on that platonic connection is so important to me.

This has been a giant ramble, and likely incoherent, but the tldr; is that I love Dead Boy Detectives with all my heart. It's such an important show for so many reasons and I will not shut up about it until Netflix decides to renew this damn thing.

[g4yforethan]

issues

pairing: bucky barnes x male!reader

summary: after a night during a mission, reader and bucky become more than just enemies

warnings: cursing, top!bucky, bottom!reader

a/n: from a request i got awhile ago!! i love the classic enemies to lovers storyline :00

you and bucky were on a mission in sokovia to receive information and plans from HYDRA. prior to this, you begged steve to let you skip out on this since you and bucky weren't the greatest of friends. it wasn't like you hated each other it was just that you two never seemed to click and always had something to say to each other. steve denied this and insisted this mission would rid of that and bring you both together or at least he hoped. after receiving intel about HYDRA's weapons, the two fo you decided to call it for a night. you and bucky were staying in a motel several miles away from HYDRA's base. when you walked in, bucky went to go take a shower and you decided to lay in the bed that the both of you were going to be sharing.

you were flipping through a magazine since phones weren’t allowed on the mission when you saw bucky standing in the bathroom. he had just gotten out and was drenched in water that dripped down his hair and his hairy, muscular chest. he saw you staring at him and you turned the other way out of embarrassment. “don’t be looking for too long cause you ain’t gonna be getting anything.” you rolled your eyes but secretly thought of him naked and being on top of you. he laid down next to you with only underwear on and began humming a song. “bucky what are you doing?” you questioned him.

“listen i’m bored and i got nothing else to do. so mind your business.” this angered you. “why have you always been so rude to me? steve put us together so that we could hopefully become better partners but clearly this hasn’t been working. i mean truly what more do you want from me?” he stopped you and gave you a kiss on your lips. you stared at him in confusion. "why did you do that?" you said while also blushing. "because i've always liked you. i just didn't know how you would handle it." he replied back with his hand on your cheek. "that's so stupid." you said before giving him another kiss and slowly making your way on top of him.

you started leaving him kisses on his neck as he started to rub his hands through your back and waist. you started going down and kissing his belly before pulling his underwear down revealing his long, thick cock. "suck it baby." you listened to his command and swallowed every inch of his cock. his moans filled the room as he grabbed your head and forced you to fit his entire dick inside your mouth. you obeyed and continued sucking his dick for a few more minutes. "fuck stop y/n im gonna cum." you stopped and looked at him in the eyes. "you wanna fuck me till you cum?" you asked him. "fuck yes baby." bucky said before grabbing you and flipping you so that your ass was faced towards him.

he started licking your hole and teasing it by putting his finger inside. you moaned and begged for his cock to be inside of you. "easy there baby boy i'm getting there." he took his cock and slowly slid his tip inside your hole. "fuck you're so tight y/n." he said before shoving his whole dick inside. bucky went at a slow and soft pace but was secretly containing himself from what he could do. he started going at a faster speed and grabbed your waist as well. he pounded your hole for what seemed like eternity but you craved more of his cock. "fuck bucky right here." he slammed his dick and hit your prostate leaving a sensation all over your body. "fuck baby im gonna cum." bucky moaned as he filled your hole with his thick cum.

he gave you kisses on your back before laying down on his back and closing his eyes. "so that's what you've been wanting to do all this time?" you asked him. "honestly since the first time we've met but things happened you know?" you laughed and put your head on his chest. he kisses your head and played with your hair. "we're not gonna tell steve about this right?" you asked bucky. "oh fuck no. this just stays between you and i baby boy." he smiled before kissing you again and closing his eyes to go to sleep.

[oreolemur]

Yandere Short Story- Shoto Todoroki

Being raised in an abusive household, Shoto never knew how to properly love someone. He believed that relationships were a waste of time, often distancing himself from other people who indulged in the idea of having one. "I have other matters that are more important", he would say to himself. He carried this mindset up until he met you. Your beauty and aura possessed him, making his state of mind change. And that's exactly what led up to your disappearance. The love Shoto developed for you is possessive and obsessive. He was willing to do anything for you, including hurting you if you even dared to look at another person. This possessiveness would lead him to isolate you from the rest of the world. He was obsessed with having you completely in his control. 

"I'm doing this because I love you", he said. That statement was true to a point. He did love you, but a twisted and obsessive version of love that lacked healthy boundaries. He wanted to keep you all to himself, and couldn't bear the thought of you being with anyone else. So, he resorted to extreme measures, like tying you up and locking you in his room, all in the name of "love". "You don't love me", you would say. Shoto would be confused and angered by your statement. In his eyes, his actions were nothing but proof of his unwavering love for you. He would say, "How can you say that? I've done everything for you. I've sacrificed so much just for you.", trying to convince himself as well as you. He truly believed that what he was doing was for your own good and because of his love for you, not realizing the harm his actions were causing. 

Todoroki was willing to go to great lengths to maintain control over you, even resorting to physical violence at times. His love for you was possessive and obsessive. He would apologize after, but deep down he believed that he was doing it for your own good. He was convinced that being tough on you was necessary to keep you from straying away from him. His comfort and whispers of "I love you" after were his attempts at soothing his own guilt and proving his devotion to you. As you spent more time with Shoto, his twisted way of loving you became all you knew. The constant isolation and manipulation made you dependent on him. You started to believe that this was what love was supposed to be, that his possessive and abusive nature was a normal part of a relationship. He had successfully brainwashed you into loving him despite the toxicity. 

Even in bed, Todoroki had the upper hand. You would lay underneath him, hands tied to his bed frame. His sweat would drip onto your tits as he fucked you mercilessly. He would bite into your neck, leaving bruises on your soft skin. You struggled to take his cock as he thrusted in and out of you. Your tears would mean nothing to him as you begged him over and over again to slow down or stop. He was hypnotized by your beauty. You looked so vulnerable under him. Your weakened state gave him power, making him want you even more. “Stop crying”, he would say. Sometimes it got so bad to the point where he would cover your mouth, or even choke you. “Please stop, it hurts”, you cried. He flipped you over onto your stomach, fucking your tight ass. As he penetrated you from the back that brought even more pain you couldn’t handle. You croaked and whined into the mattress, feeling blood trickle down your thighs. “Don’t worry” he comforted you. “I’m almost finished”.

[salbei-141]

Be honest with me (Roman Roy x reader)

Masterlist

word count: 1.1k

warnings: 18+, pure fluff and comfort, mentions of verbal abuse

a/n: Inactivity who? A rare update I know lol. Anyway y’all I’m so in love with him - honestly in love with all the Roy siblings, but Romulus got a special place in my heart <3

I love how late I jump onto writing trends for characters, but in my defence I've had this in the drafts for MONTHS. Anyway, hope you enjoy my loves <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The apartment was silent, it felt too out of character, especially for Roman. The both of you lay in silence on his bed, still in today's clothes.

You move your hand slowly - scared that a sudden movement would cause him to suddenly get up and leave without warning. Tentatively, you inch your fingers onto his own - he said nothing, nor did he move. Gaining more confidence and desperate to comfort him knowing how loud his mind must be right now - you encapsulate his hand within your own. They’re soft and warm - Roman was always warm to touch. You feel his hand squeeze your own back - still no words being said.

You take a deep breath, feeling the need to break the silence finally, but before you can, Roman cuts you off.

“Please don’t,” his voice came out weak - he was usually so quick witted…he just sounded tired.

“Okay,” your voice was soft - a complete dichotomy to the tone he was used to from his father and siblings.

Another 30 minutes went by in complete silence - the both of your steady breaths being the only thing heard. Your hand still lay in his - he hadn't moved an inch unless it was to gently squeeze your hand every so often.

You turn on your side, slipping your hand out of his - he still didn't move. You decided to move closer to him, laying your head on his shoulder and draping your right arm across his chest that rose up and down with each breath he took.

You studied his face - he looked like he wanted to push you off of him, and yet simultaneously he was aching to pull you closer to him. Your touch was the only touch he felt safe feeling - you'd never hurt him, and he never doubted that thought for a second, but he was just so used to being alone and pushing people away.

You were desperate to hear his voice, to understand what was running through his head. You knew he was probably going to say some stupid quip to hide how he really felt, but you'd see straight through him; he knew this and it was the scariest thing to him - that you actually saw him.

"Ro...," you were gentle - a part of him just wanted you to shout at him and tell him he was a waste of space just like his father had - it was all he knew. However, you were just too kind, you actually cared for him, and not in the way his father cared for him - if you could call it that - but in a way that was so genuine and pure that it felt wrong to him, but he craved every second of it.

His gaze moved from the ceiling to your worried face - you looked beautiful he thought, he had always thought you were the most beautiful person he knew. "Yeah," his voice sounded small and tired.

"Are you okay?" the question was stupid, you knew he wasn't, but you wondered if he'd answer you honestly - if for once he'd be vulnerable with you, and truly let you into what was going through his mind.

"What? Pfft yeah I'm fine, real fucking good...just thinking about who has bigger tits - you or Gerri...I think Gerri does," there it was...he couldn't be honest with you for a minute if he tried - he'd rather say some crude shit and hope you'd be weirded out enough like everyone else and just leave him so he could avoid sharing his emotions.

You sat up, leaning on one hand as you stared down at him while he tried to avoid your gaze which was slowly glazing over with unshed tears. "Roman...please I-...can you just be honest with me?" your voice had a slight shake - scared that you were going to push him over the edge and he'd run.

He made eye contact with you, his heart clenching in his chest, no one had made him feel the way you could make him feel, and that scared him. He didn't know what to do - his mind was screaming so many things at him all at once that he couldn't really make a decision, so he stayed silent.

Several minutes passed of you both just holding each other's gaze then he opened his mouth tentatively, "Why do you care about me? Why can't you just call me a freak or a perv and leave?" You watched as his eyes reddened and glazed over as he tried his hardest not to cry in front of you. Had you cracked him? It felt bittersweet that he might finally just be honest with you, but the pain in his eyes was tearing at your heart.

You smiled, giggling softly as you lifted a hand to his cheek and wiped away a singular tear that had managed to fall, watching as he turned his face to meet your caress - he trusted you. "Because I fucking love you Roman".

"But why?" he interrupted you like a child would trying to understand such a foreign concept that you were trying to explain.

"There's no reason - I mean there is, you're...you. I love you Roman." You were so soft with him, it felt alien to him. It broke you that he couldn't fathom the concept of someone genuinely loving him, and in such a pure way too. This love wasn't like the love from his father, nor from his siblings - it was something so foreign that he couldn't understand it, but he liked it...he liked this.

You laid back down beside him, "Come here Ro...please" your eyes had such a soft stare - they were so warm and inviting, he couldn't object to the embrace you were offering him.

Roman inched across the bed over into your arms, wrapping his arm around your waist and burying his face in your chest, while you wrapped an arm around his back, holding him close to you. You fell into a comfortable silence, holding each other without a care in the world - it was just the both of you.

"I love you too, you know?" he muttered it so quietly that it almost went unheard, but a smile spread across your face at his confession. You knew that he had probably been having an internal argument with himself on whether or not he was actually going to say it to you; without any sarcasm too.

You felt your heart fluttering in your chest and you pulled him closer to you, "Yeah I know". You tilted your head down slightly and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. He went to open his mouth to say some sarky comment, but immediately shut it - he didn't need to feel defensive around you, not now, and not ever.

[hellenhighwater]

I am utterly fascinated by how much cool stuff you do and am incredibly curious at how you have time to do it all. Did you just get really lucky with whatever job you have that allows you the free time and energy outside of it to do all you do? Do you simply have a mastery over this aspect of adulthood? Is it witchcraft?

I went to law school to be an artist. Which is to say--I specifically picked a field of work that I found interesting, and engaging, and which paid decently (and I say decently because by lawyer standards my salary is a joke, but it comes with a pretty excellent work-life balance and work that I truly do like) and which uses basically zero creativity. I don't tap into Art Brain for my job at all. I do my 8-5 every day and I have art stewing in the back of my head the whole time, and when I clock out I tap into a whole different aspect of self to work on projects.

I don't have an exceptional amount of free time--I do work full time--but I also don't sleep a lot? so maybe I get a couple extra hours a week that way. And I have ADHD, so when the hyperfocus hits I am going, regardless of whether or not I should actually be doing something else.

Part of it is just the fact that I'm only going to do what I want to. With the exception of the three commissioned paintings I'm working on, and a couple holiday gifts, I'm doing all of this because I just really want to do it. I don't have to force myself to do this because my bills depend on it. If it's not something I'm genuinely excited about, it's probably not going to get made. And sometimes I'm just tired out, and I do nothing. I got in a couple hours of painting after work today, but that was it; I made dinner and I've been vegging since then. It's fine.

But mostly this stuff is passion projects. I do it because I love to do it and it's easy to chose to do what makes me happy.

Maybe it's a little witchcraft.

[amazinglyashy]

hi! First of all - i love the way u write omg😭 i basically went through all your posts last evening and today hahah (procrastinating at it’s finest😌) Second - i wanna request a prompt, but i dunno if it’s too close to the one where ‘reader tells the lads boys that she’s too heavy for them’? if so, just ignore this!🫡💗

If not - could you write something about the boys finding out that reader/mc used to have bulimia(/or unspecified ed) and that she’s quietly struggling again, but not telling them? Maybe something angsty/comforting?

Trigger warning - This involves talk about eating disorders. Please use discretion when reading! Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! That means so much, because I used to write a lot years ago but stopped for a long time. I only got back into it recently, so the love I've been receiving has really done a positive number to my confidence. Thank you, lovely <3 I don't think it's possible for me to NOT write this request, because I'm a long time ED sufferer, and I am currently experiencing a harsh relapse unfortunately... You read me like a book, because 'Too Heavy' was a direct reference to that. It's hard, because it's such an invisible problem that oftentimes you suffer alone. Thank you for the request, hopefully I did it some justice, and for you or anyone who may relate to this post. (Also wrote this while listening to Lullaby - Jhameel on repeat. Give it a listen!)

Love and Deepspace Li's find out about your ED (and your current struggle)

Zayne -

The moment he finds out you live with an ED, he's down at the library finding any books he can, and researching as much as possible throughout the hospital and his old college's database.

He's also finding patient testimonials that have been released, so he can find the most compassionate approach that would help you without causing you any more harm than you already are experiencing at the hands of your own mind.

"I found a new restaurant I want to try. Apparently, they make a certain dish really well, I think we should try it together while we go over the latest mission you wished to tell me about."

He knows what you like, so it makes it easy for him to order things to share together places and ensure you're eating.

He will go out to eat every single day if he needs to, that's not any issue to him. Neither is sharing foods or cooking meals that he knows you love, even if they're not particularly his favorite.

He tries not to talk to you much about it, but does his best to be encouraging and nothing more whenever the subject of professional help comes up.

When you start opening up even more to him, he's all ears, and he's exceedingly careful about his choices of words, like he always is, but even more so now. The last thing he wants is to speak a trigger, especially when he's so focused on helping you get better.

He knows it never truly goes away, your disorder. But that's not an issue. It's more... a fact of being with you. And just like you take his problems and disabilities, he will take every single one of yours as well.

In stride, and with love.

Xavier -

He caught on, mostly because he found it strange that one moment you had eaten every single snack in the cupboard, and the next he heard, you hadn't eaten anything all day. He was wondering if it was something he was just unaware of, but-

Quickly finds out what exactly is going on after a few times of this happening. He was worried it was some strange habit, and now he's even more worried finding out it's been something you've been dealing with for quite a while.

He's upset, to say the least. But he'll keep that to himself.

He just wants to help you now.

He'll ask if there's anything that you feel like sharing with him on how to best help you, and there's definitely a note somewhere on his phone with a list of things you told him. If he can do any of them daily, he will. Anything else is always on his mind.

He doesn't let it get in the way of your day to day, though. You still play games together like normal, read together, and go the arcade whenever you both have the opportunity to win some more plushies for your hoards. He's always conscious about his own comments and behavior, but he doesn't ever let it seem like he's keeping an eye on you or trying to supervise you.

The tightrope of trusting you and helping you deal with your disorder is a thin one, and Xavier dances along it with grace.

No matter what, being around him is a comfort. Whether you're having a good day, or a bad day.

Sylus -

He's pretty internally frustrated when he first find out about it, but he doesn't let it show.

It has nothing to do with you or anything you did. He's just used to... having everything under control. For every problem to have a solution solved easily with money, force, or some compassion.

This is something he can't control.

And he hates it.

Aside from that, Sylus is like a light in the dark.

He had a list of trusted professionals to help you, should you want, and multiple of them at that- just in case you don't feel comfortable with the first one or three.

Any food you genuinely like to eat is available at all times, it does not matter if it is three in the morning. Are you wanting it? Nice, it's right there on your plate.

The frequency of which you see him increases, including the twins, despite both situations being... vastly different.

Where he takes you out for dinners at new and gorgeous restaurants, including ones feature in your favorite media or having special events for a game you like- the twins are throwing bags of snacks at you and yelling at you to throw pieces into their mouths and so they can do the same to you.

You will learn Sylus did not ask them to do this, in fact he explicitly told them not to do that.

It's pretty obvious though, they were worried about Sylus. And not just him, but you too.

Probably because of how much Sylus has been concerned about you, even if just in secret.

He doesn't want his feelings to make you feel anything but loved, so prepare for a speech the second you feel any kind of guilty. You're not getting out of this one.

Not until you know how much he cares about you, no matter what.

Rafayel -

The way he treats it is extremely encompassing. The way he sees it, is if you're sad or not doing too hot mentally, it's going to affect every part of your brain, including the parts that make you feel the way you do with your ED.

Driving you somewhere? He's playing upbeat music pounding out of the speakers of his sports car, singing along goofily or making up new words. You haven't eaten in a long time? Too bad, suddenly he's hungry and wants a snack. In fact, he wants a snack every couple of hours. If you binged and feel like dying, he'll be offering you water and any distraction he can to get your mind off of your appearance or the guilt of your binge.

He will spend more of his own free time at the gym if he needs to to work off any extra weight he gains just to help you eat, if eating with him is what helps you and he doesn't want you to see him change and feel guilty over it. He doesn't care.

Constant, constant praise with him. It is not about your appearance, unless it's something you can change. Clothing you picked out, the way your makeup looks today, a hairstyle you did to yourself, etc. So many compliments on your achievements or work, all with a sweet smile across his face.

If it's really bad, he'll paint you gorgeous works in different sizes, that are conveniently perfectly sized to display directly over any mirrors in your apartment.

Whatever you need, he's on it.

He'll be there for you no matter your highs or your lows.