#This is the part where I say that the whole reason I got invested in the show in the first place

[kagilagilalas]

"I've always known from the very beginning, what my master really is..."

[loveinhawkins]

a cherished headcanon I keep coming back to is that Eddie is very much invested in the school basketball team right up until the graduating class of ‘85 leaves. By an incredible series of mental gymnastics, he tries to convince himself that this has nothing to do with Steve Harrington’s presence on the team.

(And maybe Eddie avoiding the championship game of ‘86 in the near future will have more to do with Jason Carver being on the team, but that’s a sadder story for another time.)

The thing Eddie can easily admit he loves about the bigger games is the fleeting anonymity: while he’s got notoriety in Hawkins High, as soon as there’s a rival school involved he can blend into the crowd for a couple hours, lost in the roar of support.

It’s nearing the end of just such a tournament game when the ball accidentally goes flying into the crowd. Eddie’s reflexes kick in and he manages to catch it before it can take out the back row of the marching band.

The clock’s been stopped for a timeout—a kid on the rival team is injured—so more eyes are drawn to Eddie than normal as they find where the ball ended up. He feels acutely like a spotlight’s on him—holds the ball to his chest almost like he’s a part of the game himself.

A whistle cuts across the court. Steve Harrington.

He’s looking right at Eddie, raising his hands for the ball.

He has more than enough time to say something, some jeer that would well and truly break the spell of anonymity. But Eddie knows underneath the knee jerk worry that it’s not Steve’s style; it’s more the kind of thing Billy Hargrove and his ilk would do, and he’d thankfully been benched at halftime.

Eddie inhales then throws the ball, praying that he doesn’t end up smacking Steve in the face.

He doesn’t, thank God; Steve catches the ball smoothly, manages a thumbs up in thanks before the spotlight shifts back onto the game.

Eddie quietly sighs in relief, loses himself in cheering again.

They don’t win, but it’s still a good game. It’s like Eddie’s reasoning for campaigns: not everything needs to be an all-out victory for it to be entertaining.

The parking lot is a nightmare so he contents himself with waiting it out by his van while the worst of the crowds clear. It’s only when he hears a car door opening and closing nearby that he realises Steve is parked right next to him. Of course, of course he—

“Good catch back there, Munson,” Steve says, tossing his gym bag into his car. He notices something on one of the seats—Eddie can’t tell what it is, but he hears Steve mutter under his breath in benign exasperation, something about, “Dickheads, I keep telling them not to…”

“Yeah, thanks. All my years of training finally paid off.”

Steve makes a face at the build up of cars, chatting parents leaning out of their windows. “You could’ve been on the sub-team.”

“Kinda resent that you don’t think I’m star player material, Harrington.”

There’s the beginnings of a grin on Steve’s face. He has no right looking that smug for someone who’s just lost a game, Eddie thinks.

“Dude, I can hear you. You’re loud.”

Eddie wills his face not to flush. “You’ve got no proof.”

“Nah, just firsthand experience.”

“What, do you have ears like a bat?”

“Nope. Don’t need that to pick you out.” Steve chuckles to himself as he gets in the car, sits side-on to face Eddie as he speaks. “You’re worse than Tammy Thompson’s singing.”

“Uncalled for,” Eddie says, firmly locking away the part of his brain that’s screaming in embarrassment, because if he’s unable to fire off a comeback, he’ll actually never recover; he might as well go and tell Higgins that next year is already a wash, because he has to go and live in the woods—

“Hey, c’mon Munson, I didn’t say it was bad.”

“You implied it,” Eddie says, totally overselling the entire thing, like he’s been greviously wounded.

It works; Steve laughs, shakes his head.

“I didn’t,” he insists as he reverses out of his space. “I just meant it’s… distinctive.”

“Wow. Thank you.”

“That’s your whole shtick, man, don’t act like that wasn’t a compliment.”

“Sure. Eddie ‘Distinctive’ Munson, that’s me.”

And post-game sentiment must be in the air, because as Steve leaves the parking lot, he calls out the car window, bright and teasing, “Hey, maybe I’ll miss the cheering!”

But Eddie can’t be sure. Unlike Steve, he might be mishearing things.

[egophiliac]

"IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE" As someone who's been playing TWST since march and stopped going out of my way to be spoilerfree after I got stuck at Overblott!Jamil? That's honestly been one of my favorite things about it - seeing something in fanart or a comment you think is just fans joking, only for it to be canon. "The economy!", "May I also throw a tantrum?", Malleus' gargoyle thing, and... everything about Rook being my top examples.

there's a whole bit in Trey's platinum birthday card where he goes on about how he became increasingly obsessed with mustard for like a week straight until the other students held an intervention. how are you supposed to talk about this. how can you bring up something like Trey's descent into mustard obsession to the point that the other characters are worried for him without it sounding like the most obvious lolrandom "he mentioned it once and now fandom acts like he puts mustard in everything" joke. also, how can I slip this into every Twst post from now on, because I need everyone in the world to know that this is a real canon fact about Trey "I'm just an average normal guy (who sticks my hands into people's mouths and owns 20 toothbrushes and used to eat flowers off the side of the road)" Clover.

for bonus points, 1) the punchline is that he still doesn't even like mustard that much, 2) he's saying all of this to Leona, and 3) Leona is actually kind of invested in Trey's mustard story for some reason, which is the most unbelievable part of all of this to be honest. (then Trey gets distracted by a painting of the Cheshire Cat and Leona takes the opportunity to powerwalk away to freedom before they can start talking about dijon versus spicy brown or whatever and extend this bit even longer)

[cup1dluvhss]

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊ INTO YOU (P1), written by cup1dluvhs

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊ after making a small appearance on freakshow in july of 2021 after you begged your mutual friend, claire, to come on, you can’t help but take interest in a certain someone who seems to show the same interest in you. after years of never speaking again, you make an appearance on your other friend mandy’s channel with claire, and after seeing this, that same boy you once knew all those years ago invites you onto his channel with his best friend to record a video.

| warnings: fluff, kinda angsty if u squint, a little smutty + happy ending (this applies for the whole story, so you won’t see much of certain things in this part such as angst or smut)

| taking requests!

| this imagine will be split up into two parts, so i’ll have the other part out soon !

you opened your laptop eagerly, switching on the power button and running a hand through your long hair. after months of begging claire, your fifteen year old mutual friend to make an appearance on her youtube channel, freakshow, she had finally agreed.

claire made zoom call videos with a particular topic each video with three other people whom were all older than her, and you had watched some of their videos and found yourself invested enough to want to meet all of them.

you had been friends with claire for just a few months, and had met her through tiktok where you both became friends quickly. despite you being seventeen, and she only fifteen, you still got along like there was no age difference whatsoever.

despite finding their channel amusing, that wasn’t the only reason you wanted to come on. hamzah, a nineteen year old boy with curly hair and eyes so dark you’d think they were black, had you hooked. every-time you watched one of their videos, your eyes always found themselves looking at him in the top right corner.

nerves began to overcome you when you realised that you’d actually be meeting him, but you knew the only way to do it was to play it cool and act as if you had no idea who he was.

a text from claire appeared on your screen, with a link to the zoom meeting. your hands instantly went to your mouth and you began chewing on your nails absent mindlessly, your mouse hovering over the link. before you clicked it, you looked in the mirror in front of you and fluffed up your hair, adjusting your lipliner and playing with your mascara-coated eyelashes until they were spaced enough to your liking.

before you could find anything else that was wrong with your appearance, you clicked on the link and were brought to the meeting.

you smiled gingerly as you found they were all there waiting for you, chase, haley, claire, and hamzah. a lump formed in your throat as you waited for claire to introduce you to the others, your hand tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear so you would look so awkward just sitting there.

‘everyone, this is y/n. she’s my friend, so don’t be mean to her. she’s also seventeen and a minor so no swearing.’ claire said, a laugh exiting your mouth as you waved at the camera in front of you, chase and haley copying your action with a friendly smile.

‘hi y/n, hamzah says has a surprise today, so i hope you’re ready.’ haley said, before taking a sip from a diet coke before putting it back down on her desk.

‘oh really? what’s going on?’ you asked, trying your best to sound confident and enthusiastic as you spoke. you completely avoided looking at hamzah, knowing fine well if you did you’d be stuttering and slipping over your words.

‘we’re getting some therapist to come on and talk to us about stuff. i know it sounds boring, but we make it funny.’ chase said, his eyes off the screen and keyboard clacking as you observed him. everyone was being so nice, but you couldn’t help but notice hamzah hadn’t said a word to you yet.

‘hamzah? are u muted?’ claire asked, and the second the words came out of her mouth, hamzah’s attention snapped back to the screen, and he cleared his throat.

‘uh—what?’ he asked, the deepness of his voice making the hair on your arms stand up. you were embarrassed to say even his voice made you nervous.

‘hamzah, we have a guest, don’t be rude.’ claire said, tilting her head at him, your heart beating faster when you saw his eyes flicker toward you, a smile finding its way onto his face.

‘what’s up, y/n.’ he said with a wink, leaving you biting your lip to prevent yourself from smiling a little too wide. your cheeks were already red enough from the minute you joined, but now, you didn’t even want to know how flustered you must’ve looked.

‘hey.’ you said, your voice neutral and composed as you gave him a polite smile, claire’s eyebrows furrowing as she observed the two of you on the screen. she chose not to say anything, but she knew what was going on.

within the next thirty minutes, you didn’t think you’d laughed so hard in your life. chase, haley, claire and hamzah were all very different people, but when they were put together, whether talking or joking, they were extremely entertaining.

you had tried your best to fit in with them, your cheeks heating up every-time hamzah laughed at a joke you made or something you had said. you were already following him on instagram, and after seeing how he must’ve taken a liking to you, you were half considering just texting him. would it be so weird, considering you had just filmed a video with him? were you friends now?

when the meeting ended and you said goodbye to all of them, you pulled out your phone and noticed that almost immediately hamzah had followed you back. you swallowed, finding that chase and haley had followed you as well less than a second or two after.

you did like him, and you wanted to get to know him, but you could never make the first move. it just wasn’t in your programming, which is probably why you’d never really had a serious or long term relationship before.

you only hoped he was the type to do the opposite and just go for it, because you were getting embarrassingly desperate to talk to him. you’d thought of just asking claire to ask him what he thought about you, but you knew that wouldn’t settle well with her.

with a sigh, you closed your laptop and put your phone face down on your bed, turning away from them.

[dailyadventureprompts]

So I've been reading Triangle Agency...

For those not in the know: Triangle Agency is a new weird/corporate horror TTRPG heavily inspired by things like the X files, Delta Green, and Control. You work as agents for the titular organization which sends you out to stabilize reality by dealing with various paranatural Anomalies.

Don't think of this as a review, until I sit down at a table and play this system over a few sessions I won't be able to tell you how well it actually works. What I can tell you is what the game is trying to accomplish with its storytelling and mechanics, and what it's trying to do is interesting.

Unlike a lot of TTRPGs I've read, triangle agency is not interested in giving you a system that you can use to tell whatever story you want. Instead I can compare it to a tabletop version of a choice heavy videogame like Disco Elysium or Bg3: where engaging with the story/mechanics will lead you to one of the endings the authors prepared for you. This is not to say the system is inflexible, that you can't put your own spin on it, GMs can design missions however they want, and player choice is a major focus, but as long as you're playing the game you're furthering the meta story.

As such, this might be the first game that I'd consider running out of the box with only pre-prepped adventures, which is shocking considering how much of a homebrewer I am. Instead, I'd be interested in putting a group of players in this game and just seeing what it does to them, though it'd have to be a very specific group of players than my regular ol gaming group.

The ideal Triangle Agency player is one that's got a primary focus on storytelling over mechanics, who're interested in making big narrative swings happen as a result of their choices. They also need to be comfortable with improv storytelling, as the primary means of interacting with the game requires a quick " what if" session to justify how you're moulding reality into a new shape:

Where another game might have you roll your character's strength for something as simple as kicking down a locked door, Triangle Agency has your party brainstorming a reason why the door would be weak enough for you to kick down in the first place: IE the building has a termite problem, and the hinges were subject to poor storage conditions by the contractor who installed the door. Then you roll. If you succeed, the door is knocked down, the building has a termite problem and has *always* had a termite problem, and an entire human being, Gary the negligent contractor, has been spoken into existence. You are likely to meet him on your next mission.

In many ways this is explicitly like Blades in the Dark's flashback mechanic, except made an explicit part of the game world. Your characters have the same reality distorting abilities of the Anomalies they're hunting, and they have to be careful lest they delete whole swaths of their life trying to angle for a better roll.

This is where we get into Triangle Agency's focus on character, and the secondary requirement that players be the type to get invested in their eldritch business blorbo as they are subjected to various corporate horrors™. This is a game interested in change whether it manifests as choice, trauma, or metamorphosis, and the ante for these interactions is your player/characters investment in the world. Part of this is with your character's contacts, NPCs who are as essential to an agent's build as their anomalous superpowers or their job with the Agency. To give extra weight to these relationships, each one is portrayed by another player at the table, which I thought was an ingenious way to not only take the burden off the GM, but also to give players more screen time even when their primary agent is off stage.

That leads me to the genius primary progression mechanic: The choice between whether to spend time with your Agent's contacts, focus on their Agency job, or delve into the eldritch truth of their powers, and how to split their finite time off between them. Here we get player choice, story, and mechanics all tied together in a neat little package as progression along any of these tracks unlock new abilities while also revealing more and more of the game's secrets. Possibilities for the game's story open up/are blocked off specifically with how the players choose to personally spend their XP, and if that's not a feat of game design ( or more aptly, craft) I don't know what is.

Final Thoughts: Despite having a delightful time reading the rulebook/optional mission pack (Seriously, the vibes are stellar) I don't know if I'm actually going to get to play Triangle Agency at any point in the near future. I think getting the most out of this game depends so much on finding the right playgroup for it and then pouring in enough time to unlock one of the endings. I'd want to see the mechanism of it's story/mechanics/drama play out, but doing so is one heck of a commitment.

However, if you've got a group full of storytellers that are up for the challenge and you're looking for something substantial to play next, I don't think I could recommend it enough.

I'm also going to be keeping my eyes out for longform actual plays of this one, I'd love to see what a group of performers could do with this.

[meazalykov]

seeing you on screen

kika nazareth x actress!reader

summary: you love seeing your girlfriend on the screen as much as she loves seeing you

love, fluff, long-distance

the phone rings, its familiar tone cutting through the background tv noise in your hotel room in tokyo. 

kika’s name glows on the screen, and you answer immediately, your heart doing that little flip it always does when she calls. it’s late where you are, but the exhaustion from another long day of filming disappears the moment you hear her voice.

“hey, baby,” you say, settling back against the pillows, a small smile already tugging at your lips. you can hear the excitement and nerves in her voice before she even speaks. 

her first ever champions league final is just days away, and even though you’re thousands of miles apart, you can feel her emotions like they’re your own.

“i’m nervous,” she admits, her voice softer than usual, and you picture her pacing around her hotel room in lisbon. her hometown, but somehow, that makes it even more intense for her. 

“i don’t know why, but this feels different. bigger.”

you let out a soft laugh, the sound warm and reassuring. “of course it feels bigger, kika. it’s the champions league final. but you’ve been preparing for this your whole career.”

there’s a pause, and you can almost hear her thinking on the other end of the line, probably running over her game plan in her mind like she always does. 

kika is meticulous, always studying, always planning. but underneath that precision is a player with instinct, with heart, and it’s one of the many reasons why you’re so endlessly proud of her.

“you’ve got this,” you continue, your voice firm, because you believe it with every part of you. 

“you’re good with the ball, calculated. no one on that pitch can read the game like you. you’ve played in big matches before. this one’s just like those. you just need to do what you always do.”

“i wish you could be here,” she murmurs, the words soft but carrying so much weight.

your chest tightens, and for a moment, the distance between you feels unbearable.

the champions league final is in lisbon, her hometown, and you’re halfway across the world in tokyo filming for the marvel movie that’s going to be your biggest project yet. 

it’s a dream come true for both of you, but dreams sometimes come with sacrifices, and right now, that means missing out on one of the biggest moments of her life.

“i wish i could too,” you say quietly, the sincerity in your voice wrapping around the both of you like a warm blanket. 

“but i’ll be watching, cheering you on from here. i promise i won’t miss a second.”

“you better not,” she teases, her voice lighter now, and you can almost hear the smile on her face. 

“i’m gonna need all the support i can get.”

“you’ll have it,” you promise, smiling as you imagine her standing on that massive stage, under all those bright lights. “you always do.”

the morning of the final, you’re up before the sun rises, the time difference making it an early start in tokyo. your hotel room is still, but the excitement bubbling inside you is anything but calm. set is buzzing, too. 

word’s gotten around about the match, about how invested you are in it, and people are giving you knowing smiles, quietly cheering for barcelona in solidarity.

you’re in the dressing room, getting your hair and makeup stuff done. this will take three hours, giving you enough time to watch your girlfriend. 

the champions league final. barcelona versus bayern munich. 

you’ve watched kika play so many times, but this—this feels monumental. the first time she’s reached the final, after years of hard work and dedication. you know how much this means to her, how long she’s dreamed of this.

you’re glued to the big macbook screen, barely blinking as the match unfolds. the intensity of the game has your heart pounding in your chest, and it feels like you’re right there in the stands with the rest of the crowd, even though you’re thousands of miles away.

when ewa scores in the 65th minute, you can’t help but jump up as the hairstylist goes to reach for her tools, the rush of adrenaline coursing through you. 

but it’s when kika scores just five minutes later, in the 70th minute, that you completely lose it. 

she moves through the defense with the precision you always knew she had, the ball hitting the back of the net with a clean, unstoppable strike.

“yes!” you shout, your voice filling the trailer. 

the costume designers and your makeup artists look at you in awe. your heart swells with so much pride, it’s overwhelming, and your eyes sting with tears. watching her run across the field, celebrating with her teammates, her face alight with pure joy—it’s everything.

your kika, shining on the biggest stage, showing the world what you’ve always known she’s capable of.

you’re so proud of her, you can hardly put it into words. 

the tears in your eyes blur the screen as you see her lift the champions league trophy with her teammates, her smile bright and unstoppable. it doesn’t matter that you’re not there in person. 

in this moment, nothing else matters but how incredibly proud and in love you are with her.

when kika finally comes home to you in barcelona, medal and all, you don’t even let her get through the door before you’re wrapping her in your arms. 

you got home a few days before she did. the second she steps inside, you pull her close, your arms tight around her as you bury your face in her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of her. the warmth of her, the weight of her in your arms—it’s everything you’ve missed.

“you were incredible,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion as you pull back just enough to look into her eyes. her hands are still clutching the champions league medal, the one she worked so hard for, and you can see the pride in her eyes, the happiness still radiating from her.

“i did it for us,” she says, holding the medal up, her voice trembling slightly. there’s something so vulnerable in the way she says it, and your heart swells with love for her.

you smile, reaching up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her softly. 

“you did it for yourself, too. and you deserved every second of it.”

you spend the rest of the evening curled up together on the couch, kika recounting every moment of the match, her excitement bubbling over as she describes the goals, the celebrations, the emotions that came with winning. 

you hang on to every word, still in awe of her, still unable to believe that the woman you love is now a champions league winner.

a year later, it’s your turn in the spotlight. the huge marvel movie that you are in is premiering, and you’re in los angeles for the big event. 

it’s your biggest project yet, the culmination of months of hard work, and you’re buzzing with excitement. you have a decent amount of minutes so you shine at the premiere. but there’s a small part of you that wishes kika could be there with you, standing beside you on the dark burgundy carpet.

she’s back in barcelona, but the two of you have been texting all day, sending each other messages filled with love and support. 

kika never misses a chance to remind you how proud she is of you, how much she believes in you.

“you’re gonna kill it tonight,” she texts, her words making you smile as you get ready for the premiere.

you send her a selfie of you in your dark purple dress, wishing she could be there to see it in person, but knowing she’s got something planned.

later that night, as you’re walking around the venue before the movie premieres, your phone buzzes in your hand. you sneak a quick glance, and the message you see makes you stop in your tracks, a wide grin spreading across your face.

it’s a picture of kika with aitana, esmee, ewa, ingrid, mapi, and ellie, all of them crowded together in a movie theater, grinning like a bunch of kids. 

“we’re watching you on the big screen,” the message reads. 

“even if most of them don’t watch marvel, they’re here for you.”

you laugh softly, your heart swelling with love for her. she’s dragged half the barcelona team to watch your movie, even though you know most of them don’t really care about superhero films. but they’re there, supporting you, because kika made sure of it.

later that night, when you finally get back to your hotel, you call kika, and the moment she picks up, her voice is filled with pride. 

“you were amazing,” she says, and you can hear the genuine excitement in her voice. “everyone here thinks so too.”

you smile, feeling the warmth of her love from across the miles. “you dragged all of them to see my movie? you must really love me.”

“i do,” she says softly, her voice filled with so much love, it makes your heart ache in the best way possible. “also, i didn’t know that you could be so scary.”

you laugh, you played a anti-hero type in avengers: doomsday. 

“it is my job.” you giggle.

you’re quiet for a moment after, just soaking in the moment and kika’s words, the truth of them wrapping around you like a blanket. 

it’s moments like this that remind you how lucky you are, even with your crazy schedules and time apart.

“i love you,” you whisper, your voice quiet but steady, knowing she hears it as clearly as if you were right next to her.

“i love you too, stargirl.”

masterlist

[mywifeismothman]

THIS IS KILLING ME.

I picked up tbhk in 2021 thinking it was a silly monster of the week style supernatural comedy. Oh my god, how AidaIro has tricked me. I should have turned back before I got too invested, but tbhk is a part of me now, I think I’d die without it.

IVE BEEN SOBBING FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES AT MIDNIGHT OVER CHAPTER 120!

Spoiler warning for chapter 120 (read it if you haven’t already and suffer with me):

After chapter 119, this world’s Kou and Mitsuba were basically killed in the red house, once again proving that those two can literally never be happy. When Kou said he’d die for Mitsuba in that one chapter, I don’t think this is what he meant.

But when he says he can’t help them go back, I can’t figure out if he’s talking about Mitsuba or the fact that he’s stuck in the red house. Probably both, as he says something later which implies he’s talking about Mitsuba.

Mostly the red house though, as shown in these panels. Which hit me really hard for some reason.

I started sobbing when I saw these panels though,

Just look at his face, there’s something about the shading and detail in his face which captivates you. Watching the one character who is so fixated on trying to have everyone live die was so heart wrenching.

The parallel between this panel and chapter 118 is killing me. In that chapter, Mitsuba and Kou talk about their bad dreams, ones of the old world where Mitsuba is dead. They don’t want to accept that any of those dreams could be real, promising to each other to live their lives to the fullest, only accepting the dreams as real if they failed to forget.

In this chapter, Mitsuba and Kou were never able to live a life where they could ignore those dreams, almost immediately getting killed. So to Kou, he now had to accept those dreams, with their new reality becoming the bad dream he tells Nene to forget.

This panel also killed me.

He’s clearly talking about Mitsuba, who else could he be talking about. Again showing just how much he means to him. Again, it reminds me of the chapter where Kou talks about dying for Mitsuba, showing that he’ll always be there for him, even in death.

I also want to just talk about poor Nene, look at this panel:

This is the second time that one of her only living friends has had some connection with death, but this is the first time one has straight up disappeared before her eyes. This whole ark has Nene being tormented by death and loss and I hate it.

I wanna touch on Teru quickly. I’ve never loved characters with his type of personality before, but I think this ark has completely changed my mind about him. First, there was that face he made talking about his mother being alive, and then him being forced to exorcise his own brother. Which must have been devastating to Teru, considering that his whole motive is to protect his family, the two he has left. I think this is some of the most emotional we’ve seen in Teru. And I’m crying again

I spent like 30 minutes at midnight typing this out because once again AidaIro has delivered a heartbreaking chapter, and I need to talk about it.

Oh my god, I was so busy crying yesterday I didn’t realize his and Mitsuba’s corpses were in the well.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 3 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

lilia: falling through time, desperately trying to help alice

agatha: bitch I'm trying to save myself!!!!! oh she's so awkward when she thinks lilia's going mad. she's a moment away from grabbing a broom and going there, there like in that 30 rock scene

I know they had a relatively low budget for this show and it was such a blessing in disguise. they invested in great sets and instead of cgi they relied on classic cinema tricks that I find so satisfying?? Idk if it's just nostalgia talking. here they simply move the camera away for a moment, lower the lights and move the actor in position, and it makes for an amazing jumpscare.

baby lilia asking 'vuoi vedere?' do you want to see? because it is a choice for lilia. for a long time she chose not to use her gift- she was simply too powerful, she saw too much, and the knowledge of the future scarred her and made her an outcast among others

alice's smile at seeing a vision of her mom T-T

why inconvenient? what was jen doing? she was an obstetrician and midwife. she was helping women out with herbs and pagan knowledge passed down from mother to daughter. Back in the day midwives were struggling to get their skills recognized in an increasingly male dominated field, they were advocating alternative treatments for women constantly humiliated by condescending modern doctors - from forced bed rest to insane asylums to lobotomy in worst case scenarios. think Charlotte Perkins Gilman's short story, The Yellow Wallpaper. think about everything that happened to Virginia Woolf.

we know that alice was a teenager when lorna died in a fire. she wasn't well, alice says, and we see now that she had a drinking problem. it's equally possible that the demon got to her or that she set herself on fire out of desperation. and if lorna could feel her own mother dying, alice could too.

daang great zombie makeup on the teacher lady

lilia when her incredible abilities made her able to see Death: burdened by knowledge way beyond the scope of humanity she goes into exile

agatha when her incredible abilities made her able to see Death: you know what I'm gonna tap that

I saw people saying that because the Road wasn't real nothing that happened in the show mattered, that they all died for nothing. I disagree completely, and not only because Billy's chaos magic is so astonishingly powerful that he can create a functional Road out of thin air. like, it wasn't a trick, he made it real. But more importantly, what happened to these women, their experiences, their growth on the Road is real. Even if Billy didn't do it on purpose, even if it's fucked up that a teenager can essentially go, you know what would be cool? if they all experienced their deepest trauma! but that's the point, that's the point, that's the whole damn point of the show. life is chaos and nonsense and heartbreak, it's up to you to find a meaning where there isn't any. look at lilia! the lesson is not that you're going to die, but what you choose to do with the cards that you're dealt, with the time that you're given.

while Patti clearly has an american accent, she is speaking correct sicilian, tutti morti su' - they could have had her talk in italian and hardly anyone would have noticed, but they went above and beyond with the details. the latin in the show is also rather impressive, like they actually hired experts rather than relying on google translate

agatha has gotten too used to run leaving a pile of bodies behind. not so easy to consider them just food when you have to live alongside them and witness their feelings, is it?? first wanda and now this!

@perpetualanon pointed out yesterday that agatha also had selfish reasons for wanting to save billy, i.e. she didn't want to risk him being poisoned because who knows what horrors a hallucinating billy could create. Yes! exactly that! it's always worth saying that when agatha has these fleeting moments of compassion and altruism it's in the context of a whole lotta selfishness. i think of her as that drawing of Stitch's badness level, her whole body is almost filled to the brim with awfulness and there's only a thin layer of goodness that she's constantly trying to smother. her actions on the Road are almost entirely selfish, but for the first time in centuries she's surrounded by people, like Lilia here and Jen and Alice and especially Billy, who are accidentally nurturing her almost atrophied good side. and lemme tell you she's pissed about it!

of course these two don't know what a sous vide is, one is dirt poor and the other eats people.

I'm gonna take a stand for zoomers here, he might have never learned what counterclockwise means, but millennials like me would also have hesitated and tried to picture it in our minds. because a lot of us lack spacial intelligence and are generally rather dumb

the shock and terror on her face when she hears nicky crying

another great special effect achieved only with lights and the cast shuffling out of frame

they show the darkhold because they need to mislead viewers and can't give nicky's story away just yet, but doesn't it make sense that agatha would see it? all these centuries blaming rio, and deep down agatha is haunted not by Death, but by her own actions and choices. the way she kept Nicky isolated and unsafe. the way she insulted his memory by going on killing sprees instead of letting herself mourn. the way she used the darkhold to corrupt her soul more and more, because she was never brave enough to confront her guilt.

kathryn hahn really said, do you want Emotional Devastation???? do you wanna see a woman SUFFER? do you want your heart put through a blender??? I can do that in TWO seconds

agatha wants to NOT DIE so badly that she has to drop the clown act and give jen a proper pep talk. because she knows what makes people tick and she can uplift just as well as she can destroy, she can help jen because she knows her so well. there's always that potential there, all of agatha's talent and her intelligence and experience could shape her into a great mother and sister in a coven. a potential that evanora refused to see and that will likely never be fulfilled.

and the irony, the irony of never wanting to hurt jen, to deliberately avoid going after her - because she's a midwife. because nicky was stillborn, because she had to give birth alone in the woods. agatha believes with all her heart that jen's work is fundamentally good and important. and yet she was the one who bound and tortured and violated her. she was so fucking focused on herself that she didn't even realize she was tramping and destroying everything in her path like a mad steamroller. she allied with the enemy, she went against her community's best interests. there's a lot to think about there, I really want to explore it more

patti during that hot ones episode

NOW YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER. and of course it's alice who does

your internalized stereotypes are really testing lilia's patience, billy (and while they consider the oven sharon is writhing and dying on the table)

how it started: jen pushing lilia out of the way

how it ended: "you are my sister in the craft" 🥲

I love you patti lupone

alice is strong! alice is noble! alice is pure of heart!

gee i wonder why

they had to add a goonies poster in billy's room because of this scene, but i guess disney didn't want to buy the copyright so the poster says "the goofballs"

agatha shoving everyone and then kicking jen twice for good measure

my guilty pleasure is watching reactors on youtube (don't judge) and everyone, everyone had my same reaction to sharon's death: she is not really dead. it was too unceremonious, too sudden. you cannot have debra jo rupp unconscious for half an episode and then get rid of her like that, she's too talented, too funny, how can they keep the humor up without her? if sharon is gone they don't want to watch anymore! no, they're gonna bring her back for sure, they're witches, they're going to find a way.

And then Alice dies, and it's unfair, it's too sad, she just had her big victory! that doesn't sit right with you, that the writers would do her so dirty. And then Lilia dies.

Wanda said it from the very beginning: we cannot reverse death, no matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever. Sharon's death was horrible and uncomfortable and senseless on purpose, because these shows are about the exploration of grief. How can you make peace with the impossible? How can you reconcile yourself with a nice fun lady dying after losing her last shred of agency, scared and alone and forgotten? Didn't she deserve so much more than being just a casualty of witchfolk drama? And how can you reconcile yourself with someone as good and as wonderful as Alice dying in such a cruel way? What about the death of a parent? of a spouse? of a child? What about your own death, as inevitable and inescapable as your birth?

I'm posting this one early cos I didn't sleep last night and I wanna take a nap now 🥲 when I'm tired i ramble, I knew that already. sorry-y!

we get to episode four tomorrow, and y'all know what, or rather WHO, that means!

go to episode 4 part 1

[a-man-in-the-crowd]

My Will Dissociation HC Makes Sense I Swear

okay sooo??? tumblr like messed up the original version of this so let's try this again 🤩

[TW: dissociation, i try not to go into too much detail about it but yk proceed with caution]

will's always been a bit of a weird character. while i did immediately attach myself to him, i think the episode that really got me invested in who he is as a character was episode 80's bathroom scene... so naturally, that's where this all started.

i've talked in depth about why i think will is eavesdropping here, so i'm not going to get into that. however, what i want to focus in on is how seemingly out of it he is in this scene. we get full-body shots of these random ass guys will is listening to, almost like we're reading an entirely different comic— and then, suddenly, he's brought out of it.

at first, will's reaction seems pretty normal. he gets knocked into, he's surprised. as one tends to be. however, what made me raise an eyebrow was how slow will is. he just stares at the guy for a moment while he apologizes, seemingly readjusting to what's going on, and then takes another second to realize he should respond and he should spit out his toothpaste. he takes just long enough for the guy to assume the interaction is over and to leave before will can get a word out. just all-around horrible reaction timing, as if he forgot that he's also a person in this plane of existence and had to take a minute to adjust.

so, naturally, after realizing this i decided to go back and observe him in earlier chapters. he seems normal enough in his debut, which is a detail that will be mildly important later, and his next appearance is episode 30, where he's...

completely not paying attention. which, i mean, fair, this isn't really his drama, but he doesn't even look up to see what the hell is going on. he's? fidgeting, maybe? picking off lint (which would honestly be kinda funny)? meanwhile, everyone else is at least paying half a mind to what's going on.

in the next episode, he seems to start looking up when annabel asks lenore if she manifested, and when lenore says no one manifested, he seems... intrigued? he's looking over at monty, wondering what the response is going to be. but that's basically the strongest reaction to anything he's had this whole scene.

he's just generally really detached from everyone else, like he's in his own little bubble. he doesn't even join their little stand-off, seemingly behind the posh gang. this could just be because he doesn't want to bring too much attention to himself — after all, the first thing he finds out about these people is they're forces to be reckoned with. but i also think there's room for interpretation so.

of course, early-nevermore will is pretty apathetic (whether that's on purpose or not is irrelevant here), and anyways it was the morning he could've just been tired, so let's skip ahead a bit to the final meal scene and its direct fallout.

a pretty good portion of the fandom knows this already, but will doesn't have a reaction to the one life thing. he's the only one to not have one (besides, of course, annabel who is always two steps ahead and whom will parallels), which on its own is pretty weird... but, to me, the weirder part is what he says afterwards.

now, could this be him playing dumb on purpose? yes. there's plenty of reason to, and will is a performer at heart. however, this could also imply that he's used to not hearing these sorts of things, maybe because he doesn't tend to pay attention. i doubt will would have the self-awareness to realize this isn't just a normal issue everyone has, or if he does and he's playing dumb it could be him using things he thinks makes him 'stupid' to achieve the effect he's going for.

but honestly, he's just really unresponsive for like no reason sometimes. like here.

he's putting a man in a wall, one of his accomplices was just pushed to the ground by the ringleader, and will... is just staring. there's something to be said about his complete and utter lack of morals, but here i'm just honing in on how he doesn't seem to react. like at all. to anything that's going on. like will??? (this also how i feel about him just ignoring the blood stained wall like buddy 😭)

i skipped the manor arc because he isn't really like this at all in that arc (besides directly after when he's just woken up — which, by the way, could make this all evidence he has insomnia or something). however, that does lead me to a point i want to make. will isn't always like this, which means he isn't inherently apathetic (amorality aside...), he has moments of apathy, and that changes things.

we already covered the bathroom scene, but the episode after is a panel that really made me think i might not be reaching too far here. fellow nevermore fans, this is how william wilson's mind looks:

fragments of a shattered mirror (this is also around the point i started considering he might be specifically plural). a reference to william wilson, probably, but even then it's an interesting choice of visual. as you scroll down?? the glass?? detaches?? eventually falling away?? leaving spaces in between?? real i mean wow that's pretty weird.

[note: i do love the implication that monty offering to be his friend is one of his more vivid memories (and the all-black background, making it seem completely focused on monty and him??). like. oh gay— i mean okay will.]

the two will focuses after this are pretty normal for the most part, he's pretty present in the moment, more evidence he isn't Just Like That, and then ep116, where there's nothing about dissociation specifically but well. am i crazy for thinking this sounds like a conversation with himself?

obviously, people talk to themselves sometimes. but "wonder how long this one'll last for" and "there's worse places to get stuck i guess" sound like two different people talking at once. but yk. i could just be seeing what i want to see so take this one with a grain of salt.

and now, for the thing i waited three weeks to make this post for: episode 120

this is maybe the most vulnerable we've ever seen will, and this vulnerability is about how he feels like he almost just wasn't — or isn't — real to other people. he barely makes an impression after all, no one notices when he walks in a room. they act like he doesn't exist. and, maybe some deep part of will agrees. maybe he doesn't exist at all.

—

anyways that's the end of me yapping thank you for stayinggg

[disassembly-required]

So I know it's common for folks to headcanon Khan was always obsessed with doors, and that obsession was more or less an arbitrary passion he had... but I can't help but feel there's a really important detail that, when considered, suggests otherwise?

In episode 4, when Khan is showing the contents of "Nori's kooky insane ramblings" closet, one of the things he quotes Nori said was "build doors against the coming sky demons"

I feel this implies

a) building doors to protect from the murder drones (that she apparently had an intuition about) was Nori's idea

b) Khan, on some level, believed this was a "kooky insane rambling" and not something he took seriously

(important to remember Nori had some level of memory loss/disorganized cognition when she was recovered from the lab; Khan didn't know the significance of her history there, and Nori wouldn't have been able tell him everything, only these ominous bits and pieces that didn't entirely make sense.)

Therefore, c) Khan likely didn't even start building any doors before the murder drones came, since in the exposition intro, the workers were otherwise just living casually, not hiding away in the outpost.

So I'm led to believe perhaps... when the "sky demons" were real and they killed Nori, Khan felt responsible for her death because he didn't listen to her. He didn't build the doors.

And perhaps that's where his obsession stems from, that fatal mistake he never wanted to make again. And we can say it's pretty maladaptive, since he became so preoccupied with doors, he was more emotionally invested in them than Uzi. But in his mind, he must have thought his life's work WAS all for her, to keep her safe, where he failed Nori. Khan also became way too comfortable in his maladaptive coping, feeling SO sure behind his doors, he would never have to actually face a murder drone ever again.

All that said, it also puts his actions in the pilot into a bit of a different light, when he abandoned Uzi. I don't think Khan was simply frightened seeing a murder drone and acting cowardly. I think he was having a flashback and a panic response. I mean, Uzi's appearance takes after her mother, yeah? It must've reminded him of Nori being attacked, which is.. even more harrowing with the heavy implication N was the specific murder drone who killed Nori. Even if Khan didn't actively know it or recognize him, looking at N's face filled him panic. He was being brought back to Nori's death.

I think there's a few different reasons he may have chosen to close the door. I don't think it was done in a sound mind "this is clearly for the greater good, only losing one drone instead of the whole colony" thought process. I'm sure that was part of what he was weighing the best he could possibly process. But I think another reason may have been the fact that he already felt like he already failed Uzi, and by extent Nori once again, and he ....didn't want to see it happen again. Whether he didn't believe Uzi's gun was strong enough, or believed he wouldn't be able to aim, or believed wouldn't even have a shot at all before N attacked him too, ultimately he must've felt like the scene would play out the same (we are left to wonder if Khan tried to fight back when it was Nori...) and he didn't want to see Nori (through Uzi) die again.

Which sounds awful of course, but PTSD will do that to you. You'll make terrible, impulsive decisions because your mind is trying to protect itself from further damage. Had Uzi actually died, I think the regret would have hit him like a truck and destroyed him. I don't think he would have stood by a decision he made during a panic attack.

Anyway I got a little sidetracked re: Khan's trauma, but my main thesis here was: doors was Nori's idea. Khan didn't listen until it was too late. Then his entire world became doors.

[starryjkoo]

I've seen some people bringing up hickeygate for some reason so in the spirit of AYS?! release week, I’d like to talk about why I love hickeygate.

To begin with, I feel like a lot of people don’t understand that what makes hickeygate so funny isn’t even necessarily the hickey. Or rather, there’s too much focus on only the hickey when the whole thing is just hilarious and weird.

Like, apparently Jikook get drunk (alone) together and JK lifts Jimin bridal style, spins him around, and refuses to set him down even when Jimin gets super dizzy. And apparently Jimin’s drunken method of getting JK to set him down is to “bite” him on the neck in such a way that leaves a mark that looks exactly like a hickey. That’s weird! Every part of that is weird!

And what’s also kind of funny to me is that I think they told the story because imo in their eyes it really was all very innocent “see, we weren’t doing anything weird or wrong!” almost, defensive, if you will. Because technically, they weren’t doing anything inappropriate, they were just defending themselves/explaining the totally non-weird mark Jimin left on JKs neck. It wasn’t really a “hickey”, they have nothing to hide, they were just playing around, nothing untoward happened.

But I think it’s funny because imho it at the very least implies that Jikook have some weird-ass boundaries/behaviors, that they might be so deep into their strange dynamic, so used to and desensitized to it, that they don’t even recognize when they’re being weird af. Because, regardless, this situation is still ????

Most people don’t drunkenly spin their friends around bridal style and refuse to set them down and have hickeys bit (sucked??) onto their neck in response. I mean, maybe some do, but I definitely don’t think it’s the norm (and Jin’s & TH’s responses are hilarious). And certainly most people would realize that leaving what looks like a hickey on your friends neck is going to be perceived a certain way regardless of what story you tell or how it came about, and would maybe cover it up to save themselves the embarrassment if they were bothered by the implications. But clearly that’s not what happened. They were out and proud of that thing lol (well Jimin seemed a bit sheepish about what happened lol).

Anyways the whole thing is funny and very weird and says something about their dynamic and weird physical boundaries and what they might be like when they’re drunk and alone together (which seems like something they do/did a lot). We also now know they also have in depth discussions about singing to the point they get lost in their own little world even when they're with others which is cute too.

Anyways, I know I’m not crazy to point out that their dynamic is weird and their intimacy boundaries are weird and their dynamic can read a certain way because I’ll always point to one of my other very favorite Jikook moments — Rainy Day fight — particularly the way that the other members responded. Like, continuously cringing for no reason, shivering and yelling “ew”, calling it a drama, singing a kdrama song at them, smiling and laughing, which is all honestly hilarious, and unnecessary, and validating lol. Especially because it didn’t really deter Jikook, who were just telling that story as it was, with JK seemingly pretty serious and invested in making sure Jimin got the details right.

So yeah, that is just how they come off, even to their own group that already have loose boundaries - and I just love that about Jikook. Love their weird drunken shenanigans and their dramatic as hell couple like rain fights, and how soft and silly they are in general.

Also shout-out to the retelling of the Rainy Day story where they both separately took the blame because they're mature, considerate and sweet towards each other like that. Also the fact that it was something JK felt sorry for years down the line, even though clearly there were no hard feelings about it. I feel like they probably didn’t fight that often if a fight in which they immediately made up was on his mind like that lol. Also the fact that what upset JK so deeply was Jimin’s threat of not caring about him anymore.

Anyways, I hope we get to see some drunken shenanigans in AYS. They did cut out whatever tussle occurred on that mosquito net during ITS though, so idk what they’ll actually show in the end, but I’m here for it.

[angelsdean]

*record scratch* freeze frame. Reality Check. "You're the one who came and got me at school. You're the one who dragged me back into this." let's re-evaluate that statement, Sam, because that is not, in fact, what happened.

The context in which Sam makes this statement is that he's arguing Dean used to care about the revenge quest and killing the demon because Dean is the one that came and got Sam and thus "dragged him back" into the quest to kill the demon. But, that is not why Dean went to get Sam at school, it was to find John, who was missing and possibly dead. Dean didn't even Know about the demon at this point (they don't find out that "the thing that killed mom" is a demon til 1x11) or that John was closing in on it. Dean goes to Stanford to ask Sam to help him look for John, that's it. Then, at the end of 1x01 Dean brings Sam back to school in time for his interview as promised, and drives away. He only turns around when, in the deleted scene, he notices his watch has stopped, cluing him in that something is wrong. And he gets there in time to save Sam from the burning building.

Sam then makes the choice to leave with Dean because now that he's lost someone, he is personally invested in finding John because John knows more about the thing that killed Mary (and now Jess) than anyone, and Sam is the one who is now consumed by the need for revenge and the first step in getting that revenge is finding John, something he had no vested interest in doing before, but is now heavily invested in, even more than Dean is, as we see throughout the first half of s1 where Sam is often the one calling around looking for John and is more interested in searching for John than taking on random cases.

Anyways, it's just so interesting to track this revisionism of events and how both Sam and Dean come to accept this as the truth when it's literally not what we saw happen throughout the season. And we see Dean start to absorb this belief after Meg plants the seed in their heads in 1x16, trying to drive a wedge between them, by falsely saying Dean "drags Sam around like luggage" when literally the whole reason Sam and Meg meet is because Sam wanted to part ways in 1x11 and Dean let him go. Sam then comes back and decides to stay all on his own, even after Dean offers to drop Sam off somewhere.

Dean expresses in 1x16, that yes, he wants Sam around, he wants his family together again, but at the end of that very episode Dean is also the one who says they need to split up from John, even though it's the last thing he wants. Dean consistently is willing to let people go, even if it's not what he personally wants. And especially Sam. Over and over throughout the season he expressed how he wants Sam to have a normal life, is willing to let Sam go, or stay in some random town and drop the search for John. So even IF Dean did secretly want Sam to stick around when he went to get Sam at Stanford, he never expected it. Never enforced it.

That Sam comes to think Dean "dragged him back" into hunting is a purely revisionism and a bit of projection, I think, because Sam might not want to face the truth of the matter which is that he consistently chose to stick with hunting, and actually enjoys it more than he'd like to admit. And, as both he and John express, this quest to kill Yellow Eyes becomes "their" obsession. Not Dean's. Dean is the one who says he'd rather they never find the demon if it means losing his family. Dean is the one that says getting revenge isn't worth dying for. And then, Sam takes this to heart, when at the end of 1x22 he refuses to kill John Possessed by Azazel at Dean's pleading, AND when he tells John that killing this demon does not come "before everything" while eyeing Dean bleeding out in the backseat.

Dean was never the one invested in revenge. He did not come get Sam from Stanford to aid in the family revenge quest, he came for help in finding their missing father, something Dean cared abt simply because that's family, and Dean cares deeply, despite everything John put them through. Dean is the one that cares, the heart of the narrative, etc etc. He comes to Sam because he is alone in the world, because their only other blood relative is missing, because it's a very human thing, to reach out, to want family around. And still, he was always going to let Sam go after the 1x01. He didn't like it. It's not what Dean wanted. But he was going to let him go back to his life. Sam chose to follow Dean and continue searching for John.

[padawan-snack-packer]

[They see you crying (over a show movie) - Clones Edition]

Hi babes, how are we doin'???? I hope you're having an amazing day/night!!!!

Sooooo I watched Andor (yes, the new season, most recent set of episodes. Yes, I sobbed like a dehydrated womp rat) and it got me thinking… grief is grief. Whether it’s over a real person or a fictional character who got done DIRTY by the writers, your heart doesn’t know the difference. It just hurts. And that is not cringe. You’re not "too sensitive" or "being dramatic" because a show or movie made you cry — you're just a human being with feelings (and possibly an attachment to scruffy rebels or doomed clones).

Soooooooo if you’ve ever been that person who had to pause the credits because you were too busy sobbing into your snack bowl? This one’s for you!!!💛

Let the clones hold you through it. You deserve that comfort.

[Small note but I promise I'm working on the asks, i'm editing them rn but they will be posted today!!! thanks for your patience!!!]

🛡️ Captain Rex

Immediately goes into battlefield triage mode.

"Are you injured? Is someone hurt? What—oh. It's the—it's the show??"

Once he realizes it’s not a real emergency, he just goes very still and very soft.

Doesn't totally understand why you’re sobbing, but he sits next to you anyway and wraps an arm around your shoulders.

Very gently: “You wanna talk about it?”

Listens patiently as you ramble about the character death, the betrayal, the emotional damage. Says things like:

“That’s terrible. I wouldn’t have left them behind, for the record.”

Will quietly Google the show’s ending after, so he can better understand your pain.

Offers to help you write a strongly worded letter to the writers.

🟠 Commander Cody

Walks in, sees the tears, immediately: “Who do I have to shoot?”

Realizes it’s a fictional problem, sighs, mutters “Kriffing civvie drama,” and proceeds to sit beside you.

Offers you a blanket. Then another. Then a snack. Then a pillow. Doesn’t know what helps, so he just keeps piling things like some sort of golden retriever boyfriend.

10 minutes later he’s watching too. Begrudgingly.

Ends up emotionally invested and refuses to admit it.

“I wasn’t crying. My eye was itchy.”

If you rewatch the sad part, he’ll stay quiet the whole time, then quietly mutter: “...They deserved better.”

🟥 Commander Fox

At first thinks someone died and he's reaching for his blaster like "WHERE—WHO—"

When you sob "it's just a movie!!" he freezes mid-combat stance like a glitched protocol droid.

Stares blankly for five full seconds.

“...Why would they write something like that?”

Paces like he’s trying to figure out who to arrest for this emotional crime.

Absolutely texts Thorn in all caps like “I THINK THEY MURDERED THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR NO REASON??”

Offers you his cloak, his time, his entire salary. Whatever will stop the tears.

"Tell me what they did to you. No, I want every detail."

🔴 Commander Thorn

“Aww, sweetheart, come here.” Immediately scoops you into his lap like a human-sized therapy blanket.

Cracks jokes to make you laugh through the tears. But in a loving way.

"Don’t cry, cyare, or I’m gonna have to hunt the director down and force him to write a new ending."

Also genuinely mad on your behalf.

Would 100% play the trumpet at the writer’s front door at 3am in protest.

Buys you comfort food and insists on watching something happy after. ("No more emotional trauma today, thanks.")

💙 Fives

Dramatic gasping. "Nooo, mesh’la, who hurt you?!"

Immediately wraps you in his arms and rocks you like you’re the world’s saddest baby bird.

Is fully ready to fight the fictional antagonist.

“Tell me their name. I’ll get Jesse and we’ll have a talk with them.”

Cries with you. Even though he doesn’t know what’s happening. Now you’re both a mess.

Probably shouts "DON’T GO IN THERE!" at the screen mid-tears.

Makes a whole event out of comforting you: hot chocolate, movie rant, forehead kiss, extra blankets.

🛠️ Echo

Gentle, steady comfort king.

Wipes your tears with the edge of his sleeve and just softly asks, “Want to tell me what happened?”

If you explain, he listens all the way through, then hugs you and goes, “Yeah... that’s rough. I’m sorry they did that to you.”

Tries very hard to not be mad at fictional writing, fails.

Writes emotional fanfiction in his head to soothe you.

Quietly recommends better-written shows that won’t make you cry (but will totally watch this one with you again, if you need to process it more).

🟡 Boil

Stares like you just told him his blaster died.

“You’re crying over a series?”

...But then you explain, and he sees your little tear-stained face, and now he’s upset too.

Grumbles something like "Kriffing writers, can’t let people be happy?"

Pulls you into a hug and pets your hair awkwardly, like he’s not used to this kind of emotional warzone.

Might start angrily defending the character you’re sobbing over.

“No, I don’t care if he was flawed! He did his best!!”

Secretly tears up when he watches it later on his own. Lies about it.

🐻 Waxer

“Aw, cyare, what’s wrong?” Already pulling you onto the couch.

Hears your explanation and immediately goes: “That’s awful. I wouldn’t have written it that way.”

Super empathetic. Tells you it’s okay to cry. Holds your hand. Plays with your fingers while you sniffle.

Talks through the whole emotional arc with you like a therapist.

“So the dog died AND the love interest left?? That’s emotional terrorism.”

Brings Numa in like: “Can you believe this show made them cry?? Unacceptable.”

Gets you snacks and tells you you’re doing amazing even if your face is puffy.

💜 Jesse

Walks in mid-sob and immediately does the full dramatic gasp.

“Oh no, not my favorite person — who did this to you!?”

When you point at the TV and whisper “they died,” his face drops like you just personally attacked him.

Grabs the remote. Rewinds. Watches the scene in full silence.

“...They did you so dirty.”

Will absolutely cry with you. No shame. Holds your hand, dramatically wipes a single tear from your cheek.

Mutters “he deserved better” for the next week like it’s a prayer.

If you rewatch it, he brings snacks and tissues. Every. Time. This is a ritual now.

💉 Kix

“Whoa whoa whoa—deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth—what happened?”

Immediately goes into soft medic mode. Hand on your shoulder. Crouching to your level.

When he figures out it’s because of a fictional character? He still treats it like a real crisis.

“Grief is grief, cyare. Doesn’t matter if it’s fictional. Your brain doesn’t always know the difference.”

Encourages you to drink water and decompress.

Then watches the whole episode and gives you an emotional damage debrief like, “This arc is textbook betrayal trauma. I’d cry too.”

Offers to “prescribe” ice cream and cuddles.

🐺 Commander Wolffe

Absolutely convinced you’re hurt or sick. Bursts in like: “Who made you cry? Where is he??”

You say “the movie” and he just... blinks.

“...You’re crying because of a movie?”

Cue grumpy but deeply concerned dad energy.

Awkwardly pats your shoulder. Then sighs. Then sits beside you and puts a stiff arm around you like “this is how people do comfort, right?”

Ends up emotionally invested anyway.

“...I knew he was a traitor. You can tell by the way he looks like a smug chakaar.”

Starts lowkey watching the show with you. Pretends it’s for “threat analysis.” (It’s not.)

🖤 Dogma

This man is PANICKED. You’re crying. He doesn’t know why. He thinks it’s his fault.

“Did I say something wrong? Did I mess something up?? Please tell me what I did—”

You manage to say it’s about a TV character, and he just deflates.

“Oh... thank the stars. I mean—no, not that I’m glad you’re crying, but—”

Silently shuffles into the room and brings you water like it’s the only thing he knows how to do.

Ends up very quiet and serious watching the rest with you.

Doesn’t cry, but definitely holds your hand a little too tightly when the next emotional moment hits.

Becomes very invested.

“This show is really well-written. I see why you’re upset.”

💥 Hardcase

You are ugly crying. The TV is still going. He walks in, gasps so loud it’s comedic.

“WHO DO I HAVE TO BLOW UP.”

Genuinely checks the door and window for enemies before you manage to sniffle, “...they killed him...”

"WHAT??? WHO??? Show me, I’ll handle this!!”

You point at the screen. He looks. Frowns.

“Wait. So. Not real?”

Then he watches the scene, starts crying with you even though he has no context.

“They didn’t deserve that!! They were a GOOD DUDE!! I know it in my soul!!”

Has a box of tissues in one hand, your hand in the other, and pure rage in his heart.

Later? He rewatches the whole series from the beginning. Gets unreasonably attached to that character.

“I would’ve died for them. Fr. Fives-tier loyalty. No notes.”

🐝 Tup

Gentleest bean. You’re crying, and he just comes over so softly.

“Hey... oh, sweetheart, are you okay?”

You say it’s the show, and his whole face just melts.

Wraps you up in a hug immediately. Doesn’t question it. Doesn’t laugh. Just warmth and steady heartbeats.

Sits beside you and wipes your cheeks with his sleeve.

Actually cries with you. His empathy is dialed up to a million.

Doesn’t say much. Just sits there with you, hand on your back, letting you be held.

He’s the kind of person who murmurs, “I know... it’s okay to feel it,” and you believe him.

Brings you hot tea and a soft blanket later. Softest king.

🟡 Appo

At first? Confused. You’re sobbing. He short-circuits.

“...Uh. Hey. You dying?”

You manage a “no—TV show—he died,” and Appo is just like: “oh.”

Immediately sits down like a brick.

“Alright. Walk me through it. What happened?”

Watches it in full. Expressionless. Then nods once.

“Yeah that’s messed up.”

Doesn’t cry. Doesn’t say much. But leans in so your head rests on his shoulder and gently puts an arm around you.

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep mid-rewatch.

Pretends he’s not invested. Absolutely is. Secretly furious they killed off your fave.

💛 Bly

Sees you crying. Immediately alarmed.

“Mesh’la? What’s wrong?”

When you say it’s just a sad episode, he immediately switches to comfort mode.

Pulls you into his lap, kisses your temple, and rocks you gently while murmuring,

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you, sweet thing. Let it out.”

Will 100% watch the episode with you and get emotionally WRECKED.

Grabs your hand during the tragic death and squeezes it like he’s the one in battle.

“No. No. Not like this. They were just about to be happy.”

Brings you snacks and tissues, snuggles with you for hours after.

Starts referring to your fave character like they were a mutual friend.

“I miss them too. They were brave.” 😔

[hexedwinchester]

What the later seasons of Supernatural are Missing?

It's no secret that as Supernatural added more seasons, the quality of the show deteriorated and the only reason it ran so long was because of Jared and Jensen. This dilution is attributed to a lot of reasons: Kripke's era coming to end, change of writers and show runners, poor writing on the part of new writers, focus of the story shifting from Sam and Dean to supporting cast. But here's something I don't see folks mentioning a lot and that is it lacked a good villain and not just that but rather a good villain with personal interest/vendetta with our boys. Let me explain..

Season 1 and 2: Though season 1 starts off with the boys looking for their father, the plots twists into Yellow Eyes chasing Sam down for personal reasons. He is invested in Sam, personally. That's what makes it beautiful

Season 3: Stakes are high as Dean is on the clock to walk the red carpet to Hell. While that's a major crux, Lilith who holds Dean's contract is also making the vendetta quite personal

Season 4: Sam is pumped on Demon blood being manipulated by Ruby to kill Lilith to stop the apocalypse with a side of getting some revenge for dragging Dean into Hell. See what I mean? Personal again. It's all about the boys

Season 5: it can't get any more personal than Lucifer and Michael twisting the guys to say yes to being their vessels. While the angels try everything to get a yes from Dean, let's put that aside for a minute and focus on Lucifer. His first interaction with Sam is in the form of his dead girlfriend. His obsession with his vessel is so fucked up, as if he knows Sam inside out, like he already has crawled under his skin. One look at Lucifer will tell you he only has eyes on the prize: The Great Sam Winchester. That's what made this season great!

Season 6: This is where it subtly starts to go downhill. While the Soulless Sam storyline holds interest, the whole find the purgatory feels like a side quest i'd be happy to skip because the prize is not our boys' journey. Frankly, I don't care a damn about the war between Heaven and Hell

Season 7: Probably in the top 5 of my least favourite seasons. Leviathans were lame with their world domination plan by buying real estate and their leader Dick Roman sucked. It seemed like a USA problem than Sam and Dean problem. The worst of it all? Borax kills them?! Say what?! Wut?! The oldest creatures with a weakness of cleaning agent?! What's next? Shedim are scared of hyaluronic acid? Let's squirt them with moisturizer!

Season 8: This was one of those seasons without a proper antagonist. And yes, the angel/demon tablet fiasco. Nothing against advance placement student Kevin but I didn't enjoy the prophet storyline. It would have been interesting if they made it personal to the boys. I loved the Trial Sam storyline and what would have made it better would be if instead of Kevin if Sam could translate the tablet after spending all those years in Hell, you know?

Season 9: Though Gadreel wasn't the main antagonist, his possession of Sam was good. I would have loved it if they extended the part when he doesn't get out of Sam, made it personal, something like Meg!Sam situation. On the other hand, I was happy with Metatron. He was sneaky, cruel and power hungry and it was personal after he got Kevin killed.

Season 10: Somebody jog my memory of what Season 10 was supposed to be other than Demon!Dean and Mark of Cain. I have already made a post on how Demon!Dean was not utilised to a full potential and i stand by it. And that's all I have to say about this season.

Season 11: Darkness and her personal connection to Dean. Now, see the idea sounded good in theory. But sadly, they never exploited this personal connection. It could have played so well but no, they made it about God and his sister. This season also provided a gateway to bring back Lucifer but...

Season 12: it brings us to the season I hate the most. We got Lucifer back but he was no longer obsessed with Sam? (Yawning!) We got BMoL but oh god they were nothing more than a bunch of snobs in suits or as Sam rightly said "accents in a pansuits". Like seriously, what could they do to him? Nothing, that's what. Then whole Lucifer's son plot was so weak, it makes the entire season difficult to watch.

Season 13: things get very blurry for me from this season onward, so bear with me if I don't get everything right. Probably second on the list of SPN seasons i hate. This is the AU plot right? It was interesting when they mentioned Michael lived in AU but oh god they should have made Michael obsessed with Dean. Stalking him, torturing Sam to get the yes. But nope, none of that.

Season 14: we get Michael!Dean but see it's missing that personal grudge. It feels like a random possession. They could have played this so well, perhaps given us the OG Lucifer vs Michael battle.

Season 15: God? The villain? Again one of those plots that sound amazing in theory but the success lies in the execution. At least, they made it personal so that was really great. What I don't like about this season is the finale. And no, I don't mean the whole who dies, who lives. Or the rebar. Or the safe life with blurry wife. I mean the epic showdown between God and the Winchester that we all were expecting. That storytelling was missing. I don't want punches, I want a freaking battle!

Simply saying, what do you think makes Joker or Moriarty or Lord Voldemort a good villain? It's not just their power. It's their obsession with the protagonist. You take them out, that's the end of it. (I'm looking at you, Sherlock, BBC show)

In conclusion, when the show stopped making the battles personal to the brother, stopped writing the hero's journey, skipped the storytelling element and wrote villain that weren't quite as obsessed with the brothers, that's when it started falling apart.

[kwamiwayzz]

Why Jeckole (Jecka/Nicole) is the Most Popular Ship of Class of '09 - Part I

Or: Part I should be renamed to why is Aricole or Emicole not as popular as Jeckole?

After being in this community for sometime, and even waffling in-between thinking whether I still like this ship versus thinking they're just a repackaged, white American-version of another ship I love - that's another discussion for later, dear lord, I wanted to put all my thoughts down somewhere to why I think Jecka and Nicole have dominated as the most popular pairing within the Class of '09 fandom.

Disclaimer: I don't want this to be a whole post saying, "Jeckole is the best4eva, Emicole and Aricole sUX XD" but more of an explanation breaking down why this ship in particular is one that most of the fandom has gravitated towards when getting into Class of'09. After all, there has to be some reason to why it's still persisted among fans (old and new). There was even a Jeckole Week 2025 despite the fandom slowly fizzling out after Flip Side's release.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, time to dig into the popularity of SBN's most hated pairing. I haven't been in an English/Writing class since college, and it's been so long since I've ever written an essay, so let's hope (all my jumbled thoughts) everything I try to explain sounds coherent enough.

To the fans surprise (at least if you didn't know anything about SBN), he never wrote the interactions among all the girls with any queer subtext in mind. He mostly did it for 1) money, and 2) a way to get his fixation on teenage girls/lesbians out somewhere...The guy is a freak (and not in a good way). It's only a miracle that his game got this much traction and popularity.

He ended up playing himself because what else should he expect when his most hated pairing is one that the fandom loves. People can come up with all sorts of arguments as to how this game blowing up on TikTok led to teenage lesbians missing the point of the games or running off everything out of context and yadda, yadda, yadda...And maybe there is some validity in those arguments as well.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that Jecka and Nicole became the most popular ship even after SBN was "baiting" fans.

Shipping isn’t an unpredictable beast that grows completely independently of its source material. The ways writers craft interactions between their characters–and the places where they invest the most and infuse the most life–are powerful tools that impact how fans view and come to love seeing characters both separately and in romantic relationships. (Why Do Non-Canon Ships Become So Popular - And Why Should Writers Rethink When They Do? by sarehptar on AO3)

Fanart numbers is a completely different story, so I'm going to put that aside for now.

Starting with AO3 stats, Jeckole overshadows the other ships as one of the "Big 3" (Big 3 being Jeckole, Aricole, Emicole). On the left, it's the general numbers of pairs you could filter from. While on the right, it's after filtering the tags with "otp: true"

But wait...why are Ari and Nicole fics so criminally low compared to the monster of a ship that is Jeckole, when Aricole is considered canon? This same question can be applied to Emily and Nicole. Why does Jecka and Nicole still overshadow the other two pairs even though both Ari and Emily have canonically expressed romantic interest in Nicole in their respective routes?

[Full Text of Emily's Message Below]

you wont see this cuz they make us turn our phones off but i just want to write this for me. I'm glad we are dying together it just feels right and I can't think of anyone i would rather do it with. I may as well write this too... i am super fucking gay for you sorry i lied in the hallway and didn't tell u before we shared a bed and changed in front of each other. idk if that's rape or whatever but if it is sorry lol. i can die fulfilled cuz dying together with another girl is a bigger commitment than some soft ass bitch getting married to jack the construction worker or some other boring white guy who cant pronounce Beanie Sigel. but ya if you pass out first I'm gonna try to fall over on you so it looks like were cuddling <3

I think one explanation for this is that Ari and Emily's canonical romantic interest in Nicole, along with most of their interactions with her, are primarily isolated into one route. For Ari, this is through the Hate Crime/Abusive Exes Ending. While for Emily, this is through the Suicide Pact Ending. That's not to say that shippers can't fuel themselves off crumbs and scraps until the end of time--look at one of Aricole's most well-known artists, Misan. But when taking a peek into the Class of '09 fandom from an outside perspective, the first ship you'll most likely come across is Jeckole. Even some people who like Aricole, Emicole, or some rarepairs, tend to be multishippers who universally think Jeckole is a good pairing.

As I've mentioned in previous discussions with a few people on Tumblr, Jecka and Nicole's interactions span throughout all three games in multiple routes. Nicole's interactions with Jecka aren't confined to just one or two routes. It's understandable why others would see their interactions as that of your typical best friends trope. And that's completely fine too--I actually initially saw them as just that until I decided to try the game out on a whim one day.

However, after reading an essay from sarehptar (Echodrops on Tumblr), they mention something about "emotional energy" within a story:

When I talk about “emotional energy,” I don’t necessarily mean romantic emotions (and in fact, in the case of most non-canon ships, I don’t mean romantic emotions at all!). Rather, what I mean is the weight, power, and dynamism of the myriad emotions characters express for one another, including friendship/camaraderie, trust, reliance, frustration, anger, hatred, sadness, etc. For the purposes of this discussion, emotional energy is any of the meaningful emotional interactions that two characters share–especially those which drive the main plot of a story.

I figured in the context of Nicole and Jecka in the VNs, it made sense as to why many fans gravitated towards them compared to the side pairings. This isn't to say that Nicole doesn't have emotional energy with Emily or Ari. There's a reason why Aricole and Emicole are one of the main pairings of the fandom. However, among the three main leads that Nicole interacts with, there's only one person who she centers herself around (and vice versa to an extent).

And that's Jecka.

(Screenshot from the Anime Pilot because look how much of a wet cat Nicole is trying to win Jecka's favor back)

In every single route from the original game, Jecka is always introduced to Nicole no matter what choice she makes. Whether this is after talking to Crispin or Jeffery at the beginning of the game, she always ends up running into Jecka either way.

(Screenshots Below - On the left is on Nicole's first day of school. On the right is on Nicole's second day of school if she didn't meet Jecka on the first day.)

In both instances of her first meeting with Jecka, Nicole was readily available to give out her name to this girl she just met despite having the mindset that any bonds she makes will be completely pointless. She even goes on to talk about herself and her issues with her brother to Jecka within the first two days she's met her.

"But Nicole is probably just doing that because Jecka is a more tolerable option!"

That could be true, but the player doesn't get the same kind of introduction between Nicole and Emily, Nicole and Ari, or Nicole and any other student. With Jeffery, she was only messing with him. By the time Nicole interacts with Emily in Re-Up, they're already friends. I think they're already somewhat-acquainted before the Remedial English (Suicide Pact/Get Ms. Ames Fired) Route.

By the time Nicole interacts with Ari in Re-Up, they already know each other (though, Nicole finds her a bit of an annoyance). Ari also falls for Nicole quickly after their session with the counselor while Nicole is primarily in power once they start to date.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm dismissing the other two pairings when I bring up other scenes and interactions between Jecka and Nicole. You can view them as just best friends (or even friends-of-convenience), while seeing Nicole's relationship with Ari or Emily as a more valid romantic option, and that's okay. But the examples I'm going to talk about are to give insight on why this non-canon ship is so popular within the fandom despite never canonically expressing any romantic feelings towards one another.

(Side Note: I've probably re-read sarehptar/Echodrops's essay more times than I can count in the past few days)

To get this out of the way, I'm going to get into why Aricole and Emicole are often overshadowed by Jeckole.

You can argue that Nicole does center herself around Ari or Emily, depending on which route you choose in Re-Up. In the Date Ari Route, Nicole is constantly with her girlfriend (mostly abusing her), but that sense of push-and-pull isn't exactly as apparent. It's more of Nicole pulling, and Ari being pulled.

While I've seen arguments that Ari's more manipulative side can be seen from the Rejection Route, it still has the same vibe as the Date Ari Route except Ari is the one pulling, while Nicole is being pulled. I've seen fans love this aspect of this ship, and it all boils down to preferences. But that lack of push-pull within canon is probably why it's not on the same level of popularity as Jeckole. (That doesn't make Aricole a bad ship. Do not come for me!) Ari and Nicole aren't shown in canon to be equally on par in keeping up with one another.

The tension between them either leans more towards one character or the other, depending on which route the player goes for (Hate Crime or Abusive Exes). This is why some fans do the work themselves and combine aspects of both of these routes to get a more "equal playing-field" Aricole.

Okay, so if Aricole feels like a pull-and-be-pulled dynamic, then wouldn't Emily and Nicole be on more equal ground? They both have similar backgrounds with mental health issues and are both pretty unhinged people. Like others have said, they're the epitome of, "They make each other worse."

During Suicide Pact in Re-Up, Emily mentions how she planned to flush all her Seroquel down the toilet after feeling the adrenaline rush of everything she did when spending time with Nicole. This entire route has them fucking around, skipping remedial, making Jeffery's life worse--and they both get a rush from that. But when Nicole starts to see how unmedicated/unfiltered Emily actually is, she starts to get a little scared of her.

This duo starts out as if they're on equal ground, but the moment Emily turns into her unmedicated BPD-self, Nicole just gets pulled into whatever Emily does so that she doesn't piss her off. And I figure that Nicole's fear (and respect) of Emily is why she didn't try to save her, and only saved herself when they both planned to overdose in Ms. Ames class.

What is it that both Emily and Ari have in common despite having canonical romantic feelings for Nicole? Both of their dynamic with Nicole feel almost one-sided. I don’t just mean with their romantic feelings, I also mean with their dynamic in general.

“The games aren’t meant to be a dating sim!”

Yeah I know. But when Nicole doesn’t interact with Ari all that much, they’re neither focal points to each other’ narratives at all. The same can be said for Emily.

With Jecka, Nicole is almost always with her. They skip class together, they do drugs together, they got into a situation where they pissed off a mall cop, etc, etc. I also want to point out that Jecka is often the first person that Nicole goes to when she’s bored, wants someone to talk to, or wants to hang around, and is willing to (kinda of) change for. However, while the part about Nicole “changing” is a stretch, canonically-speaking, I was going to try and go more in-depth with that in Part II.

When Nicole isn’t around Jecka, Jecka ends up going back to her shallow high school friendships (like with Kelly), but admits to Nicole that she only sat with Kelly so she isn't alone. So…they’re both in the same boat and drive each other’s narratives of trying to survive the bullshit of high school through each other.

Anyway, this wasn’t meant to be a formal analysis at all, but I think I went a bit too far to the point where my brain feels absolutely fried now. I’m just hoping this doesn’t come across as ship-bashing when comparing Nicole’s dynamic with both Ari and Emily.

Who knows how long Part II will take me lol.

[leclercss]

Tainted Love, Part 9 (Charles Leclerc ft Lewis Hamilton)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Masterlist

plot: in an attempt to fix your marriage, you've reluctantly agreed into being in an open relationship with your husband. so far, it's only been your husband that has taken advantage of your recent arrangement until one night out you meet a man who makes you begin to question your marriage.

pairings: charles leclerc x fem!reader, lewis hamilton x fem!reader

warnings: (+18) mentions of smut, cheating and some swearing

authors note: i decided to split the last part into two, you’re welcome xx

word count: 4.3k

taglist: @ironmaiden1313, @ru-kru, @buendiabebeta, @flwr-quicksilver, @ravioli19, @julesandro, @hornedravenclaws, @thatobsessedreader @pinkangelavenue, @queenofshinigamis, @notleclerc, @paullinne, @bisexualbith, @tempo-rary-fix, @bbygrlllllll, @teenagedreams-cl, @lunamelona, @leclerc16s, @palomaxaxaxa

You find yourself standing outside of the apartment that you share with Lewis. It's funny that in just a matter of a week, it's gone from being your home to a place that you've come to dread. How can you call this place home when the people who live there feel like strangers to one other?

It's been a funny couple of days for you. You've somewhat started to rebuild a bridge with Charles after he came to see you at Whitney's. And while you've felt some relief that he still wants be with you, you've found yourself experiencing a whole new level of anxiety when it comes to his ultimatum.

It was him or it was Lewis. He couldn't be with you any other way any more.

You'd spoken to Whitney about it afterwards. You needed to make a decision but you didn't know where to begin. Whitney took inspiration from a Friends episode where Chandler made Ross write a pros and cons list about Rachel and Julie, only for it to backfire on Ross. He eventually got to be with Rachel but who was your Rachel?

Depsite your original sceptism, you'd written everything down any way, with Whitney chiming in with mostly negatives about Lewis. Her feelings are very clear, you'd thought to yourself in amusement. And by the end of the exercise, you couldn't even decide if it had helped you or hindered you.

As you lay awake that night, you thought about the both of them and at one point you just had to laugh. While Whitney had you focusing on all of the reasons why they were so different, you ended up thinking about the reasons why they were the same.

Apart from the obvious that they were both beautiful and the sexual chemistry was through the roof, you'd fallen for them in the same way. You'd met them both on nights out in London, they'd made the first move. Both were very confident in their pursuit of you. They made you feel wanted and they made you feel beautiful and sexy when you met them. You'd slept with both of them on the first night and you were hooked in an instant. They were both stubborn and felt easily threatened, acting like animals in the wild when another man came sniffing within a metre of you. And they were both bold and risk-taking. They weren’t afraid to go after what they wanted, the consequences were irrelevant, or at the very most an after thought.

But then your mind drifted back to the differences again. Lewis only seemed to be invested in you to make himself feel better while Charles was willing to do anything to make you feel better. And Lewis was the one willing to jeopardise your relationship with infidelity and open marriages, which had made Charles hate him so much. But then Charles, well, he pursued you despite knowing you were married and was okay with you to commit infidelity with him, which in turn made Lewis hate Charles...

You couldn't let you drive yourself crazy any more and so you decided that Charles was right, you needed to make some sort of decision. And so you had texted Lewis to say that you'd be calling by that afternoon. You needed to pick up new clothes and you wanted to spend time with Roscoe. Your text being met with a thumbs up emoji.

And this is how you found yourself outside your apartment door, no closer to a decision. You say a quick prayer before finally pushing open the apartment door and within seconds you were greeted by paws racing across the wooden floor. Roscoe is jumping up and down at your feet, desperate for your attention. He'd missed you just as much as you'd missed him.

You delayed entering the rest of the apartment, buying yourself some more time as you cuddled and played with Roscoe. But at some stage you had to rip the band aid off and a wave of deja vu hits you as you walk into the living room to find Lewis sprawled out on the sofa, remembering the last time you'd come home after some time apart.

"Feels familiar doesn't it?" Lewis chuckles as he looks up from his phone.

He's read your mind. He remembers that day so well too. And the more he thinks about that day, the more he wishes he could go back and deal with things differently.

But it's too late now. It's almost four months later and the two of you are now further apart than ever. But this time he's not as angry.

You awkwardly smile as you enter the living room, taking a seat on the armchair across from him, just like last time. The atmosphere is different though, it’s less tense but there’s an air of sadness that makes your stomach sink.

You play with the bottom of your skirt for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say and to his credit, Lewis lets you do this.

You eventually break your silence, "After the last time, I never imagined we'd end up here. I thought after that argument that you were done. You had a good reason to leave but you didn’t".

You pause for a moment, but you continue. It was about time you finally said something. You'd been quiet for far too long.

"And things changed after that. It's like you finally saw me again. You were finally willing to give me what I was looking for, which was for you to love me and to come back to me. And you did, but by that time I'd met Charles who was ready to give me everything I needed. No arrangements, no rules and no conditions”.

You take a deep breath and look over at Lewis, he's looking at you but you can't read the emotion in his eyes. He's quiet, he's going to let you say what you need to say.

"You've made me happy these last few months, Lewis. It's like how things used to be, just like I always wanted. But the more I think about it, the more I can't help but feel that you only made the effort with me was because you felt threatened that another guy was willing to do the job that you were incapable of doing".

His jaw twitches at that last comment. You feel like you may have pushed it a little too far but he holds his composure. He finally sits up on the sofa, it's his time to talk now.

"I know I've made some mistakes when it comes to our marriage. I've been foolish and I've been selfish but I'm willing to put in the work to fix us," there's intent in his voice, it's matching the look in his eyes.

"And I'm willing to put last weekend aside and we can start fresh," he carries on but you're intrigued by his comment.

"What do you mean by that?"

Lewis’ face scrunches, he didn't expect you to challenge him on that statement. He was actually waiting for some sort of apology but he’d put that aside for now.

"I'm willing to put seeing him behind us. I can forget about that stupid dinner and I can forget about your fling because I think what we have is worth so much more," the level of his voice is getting a little louder now. The composure that he had a few moments ago is quickly leaving his body. He's not used to you challenging his words and he's finding it more difficult to stay calm. He should be the one that's mad at you in his eyes.

"Charles isn't just some fling, Lewis. He means something to me," you cry out.

"That's bullshit," Lewis retorts.

"It's not bullshit, Lewis. Charles and I, we care about each other," your voice is getting louder and squeakier the more this conversation continues.

Lewis laughs for a moment, he’s sure that this has to be a joke.

"Fine, you know what, let's say you care about the guy you've been sleeping with. But is he really worth jeopardising our entire relationship for? It's not like you love him or anything," Lewis cries out and he stops as he notices something flicker in your eyes. He recognises that look. It's the same look that you and Charles had when you saw each other at dinner. It's guilt.

A wave of nausea washes over Lewis as reality begins to settle in. The situation was so much worse than he thought, had he really been that delusional to think that you and Charles were just a minor thing? An annoying fly that’s buzzing around your ear until you kill it with a rolled-up newspaper.

No, because the look the look on your face tells Lewis what he had been ignoring for so long, Charles is here to stay.

"You... you love him?" his voice is barely audible but you don't miss it.

The naivety in his voice stuns you and you're left speechless. Tears begin to fill in your eyes and you're unable to answer him. But your silence and the tears in your eyes is enough of a confirmation to Lewis as he needs.

You feel a sense of guilt as you see Lewis begin to process this and he begins shaking his head furiously, “No, no, you don't love him".

He stands up from the sofa and begins pacing the living room floor. He's trying to keep himself calm but he has so much anger running through his body right now. How could you love somebody else when you loved him?

"Lewis," you begin but you don't know what to say. And so you just watch Lewis run through the motions. He's angry, then he's confused, then he's sad. He's clawing at the braids on his head to try and find some release but he's overwhelmed. He's going through the five stages of grief except he's not willing to accept the reality that you could meet somebody else. And that maybe his actions have finally come back to bite him in the ass.

"Lewis, can you please sit down?" you cry out. The more he paces around the room like a mad man, the more unpredictable he's becoming.

"You don't love him, you don't love him," he's muttering to himself. If he says it enough times surely it'll become the truth.

"Lewis, please".

But your plea goes ignored. He's still pacing around the room. It's stupid of you to even try but you can't watch him like this any more and so you get out of your seat and walk over to him. You grab onto his wrists in an attempt to stop him pulling at his hair.

"Lewis, can you just stop?" you cry out.

And to your amazement, he does stop. The grip he has on his hair loosens but he's still looking at the ground.

"Can you look at me for a moment?" you whisper, hoping that if you speak quietly that it'll bring down the tension in the room. Lewis hesitates for a moment, but he eventually lifts his head so you're looking into one another's eyes. Your heart sinks at the look that he's giving you. It's a combination of hatred and sadness.

Once you're sure he won't fly off the handle, you let go of his wrists and your hands make their way to his face. Your hands taking form around his cheeks, your touch is gentle.

"I... I ... I'm so sorry, Lewis. But Charles and I, there’s something there," you whisper.

He licks his lips, composing himself once more before he speaks, "Stop staying his name. I don’t want to hear his name any more in our home". You wince at the tone in his voice.

You let out a little sigh, not really sure what to say next. Even ChatGPT couldn't find an answer or script for this.

"So what, do you two have a little plan to run off together or something?" Lewis spits, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

"There's no plan, Lewis, there was never any plan. It just happened," you tell him.

He scoffs. "I should have punched him in the face when I had the chance".

You try not to roll your eyes, "That wouldn't have achieved must would it?"

Lewis chuckles sarcastically. "It would have made me feel better though".

Silence falls on the room. You’re both breathing heavily, trying to figure out what direction this will go in next. Lewis is doing his best to control his emotions but his body fails him as a tear spills over, softly rolling down his cheek. You use your thumb to wipe his tear away.

“I want to hate you,” Lewis says a few moments later, “But I’m tired, [Y/N]. I want to be mad that you could love someone else who isn’t me but to know that I pushed you away… I don’t know how to deal with that”.

This is the most real Lewis has been in so long. This is the Lewis that you loved and somewhere along the way you lost him. But he here’s with you now, and he’s looking at you with so much regret and sadness.

“Do you still love me?”

It was the same question that you had asked Charles.

“What? Lewis, of course I still love you. Through everything I’ve always loved you,” you reply. His face is still in your hands. And so he places hands on top of yours, his skin is so warm and soft that you let yourself breath a little more.

“Let me fix this, okay? I want to prove to you that we deserve another chance,” he says with determination in his voice.

“I… Okay…” you begin to stutter. Your mind is still foggy when it comes to make a decision but Lewis isn’t going down without a fight.

“We said in sickness and health, for better and for worse. You’re still wearing the ring that I gave you and until you take that thing off, I’m not giving up,” he tells you. He doesn’t wait for a response as he lungs towards you and his mouth makes contact with the corner of your mouth.

You’re taken aback by his sudden movements and stumble backwards but he’s quick and wraps his arms around your waist. He makes a better attempt at kissing you again and this time his lips meet yours.

“Lewis,” you mumble against his lips in protest.

He takes his lips from yours but he doesn’t pull away. Instead he moves his lips along your jaw, nipping and sucking on your skin before he makes his way towards the skin under your ear. He leaves a lick in your sensitive spot before moving upwards, his warm breath against your ear.

“Let me prove it to you, baby,” he whispers.

But it doesn’t feel right. You’d only be leading him on and you’re no closer to being able to make a rational decision on your future. Letting him “prove it to you” will only make things worse.

“Lewis, stop,” you cry and use your hands to shove his chest to create some distance between the two of you. “I can’t do this, Lewis. Not like this”.

He’s looking at you, dumbfounded, lips plump from his attempts to leave his mark on you.

“This isn’t how we fix us okay,” you tell him. “I.. I thought we were ready to have this conversation but clearly we still have a lot to process”.

You attempt to walk past him towards the door but he grabs onto your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Wh… what do you mean? Baby, you can’t leave”.

You turn to look at him and let out a little sigh. “I think we need more time, Lew. We need some space. I’m going to go home for a few days.”

-

Charles is questioning his entire sanity as he makes his way to the entrance of the coffee shop. He still has time to turn around and run from this ridiculous situation. It’s just asking for trouble coming here. But his body is clearly more curious than his mind as his feet are still moving in the direction of the entrance.

Hesitating slightly, he opens the door and his eyes immediately scan the coffee shop for a familiar face. And he spots it, in the very back corner. The face looks as tense as he feels. A pair of dark eyes land on Charles and they’re already attempting to burn through him.

Making his way over, Charles doesn’t say anything as takes the empty seat, aware of the eyes that are very much meant to intimidate him.

He clears his throat as he looks up. He takes in the appearance of the person opposite him. They’ve made an effort in their appearance - hair tied back neatly, wearing crisp white clothing in an attempt of looking fresh and innocent and the smell of aftershave is hovering around the table. But he doesn’t miss the bags underneath their eyes, they match his own. The turmoil and emotions of the last couple of weeks have taken their tole on both of them.

And then he notices the shining mental on their finger that makes his stomach turn, a wedding ring. A taunting reminder of your situation.

They’re still looking at each other, jaws twitching. Curious as to who will make the first move. It’s Lewis.

“Thanks for accepting the invite and coming,” his tone is far from sincere.

Charles nods in response.

Lewis attempts not to roll his eyes at the lack of engagement from Charles.

“I thought since [Y/N] is spending some time back in Belgium with her family, it would be helpful for us two to talk,” he continues, his dark eyes still fixated on Charles.

“Yeah, she mentioned a few days ago that it’d been a while since she’d been home,” it’s a lie from Charles. He wants to get under Lewis’ skin after his behaviour at your birthday dinner. It’s petty, but it’s amusing to watch Lewis try to remain in control of his emotions. The thought of you spending time with Charles post-birthday disaster must be driving Lewis insane.

“Well, I think it’s good for her to spend time with her mother. No distractions”.

Charles scoffs.

“And what do you mean by that? No distractions.”

He’s mocking Lewis, this is all bullshit.

Lewis’ jaw twitches but he remains calm. Charles’ presence caused him to embarrass himself the last time, he won’t let him do it again.

“Well, I think that our marriage will be much better off without needless interferences. People getting in the way of us working on our marriage”.

Charles really has to hold back his laughter. Was this guy for real?

“I think it’s a bit rich coming from you,” Charles retorts, “weren’t you the one fucking other people before suggesting to your wife that you have an open marriage?”

He’s enjoying seeing Lewis’ jaw twitch, his knuckles turning white as he clenches his fists.

“Either you don’t give a fuck or you’re incredibly stupid that you underestimated [Y/N]’s worth when it comes to interest in other men,” Charles continues, “and maybe you overestimated your own. Because she found someone that’s ready to love her and here you are, sitting in a cafe, with your wife in another country. And you’ve had to ask me here so you can tell me to stop fucking her”.

Lewis’ eyelids begin to flutter as he uses every ounce of control in his body to stop himself from lunging over the table and punching Charles. The arrogant smirk on Charles’ face is only growing. He can’t let him win, he won’t let him win.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” Lewis snarls. “You’re just her side piece, remember that. When you lay awake at night thinking about her, she’s in bed with me”.

But his words go over Charles’ head, he smells the vulnerability from Lewis, he’s practically reeking of it. This is his revenge on Lewis for emasculating him in front of you and his friends.

“It was pretty easy to get [Y/N] to cheat on you. It didn’t take her much convincing,” Charles laughs.

He’s fighting dirty and he knows it. But Lewis has dug himself this grave, Charles is just finishing off the last of it.

Lewis runs his hands through his hair. He can’t sit still may longer. If he can’t punch Charles in the face, he needs to find something else to occupy them with.

He sits in silence for a few moments. Trying to find any last dig that he can throw at Charles. He’s desperate and so he finds the one thing that may hurt Charles.

“Before she left for Belgium, [Y/N] came by the flat to speak to me. We talked and she’s very much still in love with me,” Lewis pauses as he begins to play with his wedding band. He waits until Charles’ eyes fall on the mental wrapped around his finger. A subtle dig before the big blow, “She’s still wearing her wedding ring, you now. And she wore it while she let me fuck her”.

It’s Charles’ turn to hold his composure as he tries not to let Lewis’ confession affect him. He doesn’t know if he believes Lewis or not. But the smug expression on your husband’s face is enough for Charles to even entertain the idea.

Silence takes over as they both try to figure out their next move.

Surprisingly, They both take a few moments to let their anger die down. This conversation is too heated and it’s only going to make things worse. And neither of them wants to give the other an opportunity to win.

Whatever outcome either of them expected from this meeting, this wasn’t the right way to go about it. Not if they wanted to lose you. And so Charles stands up from his chair, no longer wanting to be a part of this game.

He starts to walk away but he turns back. He’s got one more thing to say.

“And while you lay there at night, with your wife in your arms. Remember that she’s lying there, thinking about how she loves me. And all because you pushed her away”.