#This is my 2 AM feral brain-child

[nighmares-art-and-stories]

English is Weird

All languages have some form of grammer and rules to make the words make sense; with english, after a certain point, random words could be placed in a sentence so it makes no gramatical sense, but still make some cursed sense of sense.

Sentences like:

'I like to clothesline down the hall when my brain stops adulting'

Makes sense even though clothesline is used as a verb when it's a noun and adulting isn't formal english. Either case, it's confusing.

To end this rant, I'd like to say:

'Brain always, or almost always, brains logically. But when english don't english englishly, then the mind must mind that english as mindly as possible.'

Cursed no?

[jikigo]

the duality of me is unreal

[rayshippouuchiha]

i was reading through Conspiracy Bros AU and like... Izuku gets OFA and IMMEDIATELY tells Shoto+Dabi about it, so now, as the title of the AU implies, we've got these three feral gremlin children with the Conspiracy mindset and what is at some level the MOST OP QUIRK EVER. of course, all three immediately go into Hunt Mode and scour EVERYWHERE for any and all info on the past holders (because even if AM doesnt directly tell Izuku about them there's GOTTA be others) (1/?)

and so the moment Izuku gets his grubby lil gremlin hands on that hair he's downing it and pulling out The Notebook and reviewing everything he has about OFA's past users. meanwhile, the past users are getting settled into Izuku's body and then, THEN they realize what Izuku is holding and they have Mild Panic until someone (definitely Fourth because clearly the past users can still use their quirks inside OFA and Danger Sense would be going haywire if Izuku was Evil News) (2/?)

and Fourth goes 'wait... guys wait...' and slowly everyone comes to realize that NOT ONLY are they in a Feral Gremlin Child but they are in a Feral Gremlin Child who is going to do his damndest to cause AS MUCH CHAOS AS INHUMANLY POSSIBLE. and. being the kind, benevolent, TWO HUNDRED YEARS OF BOREDOM people they are, they give Izuku Float very quickly, especially once they realize the Bird Family shenanigans. Aizawa panics. Hawks is overjoyed. All Might is concerned. end of brain dump lol (3/3)

~~~

One of my favorite flavors of Izuku&Past Holders is when they all realize that holy shit we're ALL feral in here so fuck yes

[thelampisaflashlight]

Some general ghoul thoughts, because I am feeling almost back to normal, and my brain is doing more than cooking itself. Let's go.

-Ghouls summoned outside of the ministry/by non-church affiliated individuals tend to be more chaotic and tend to become more... possessive.

They act more like true demons, and often do not have the same presence of mind that ghouls brought up by the church do. However, in rare cases, there have been one or two summonings that have succeeded.

Most of these successful summons wind up in the custody of the church in some capacity eventually, though some wind up forming their own packs or families and have no association with the church whatsoever.

-Imps, being lesser demons, have the power of mimicry, allowing them to pose as stronger entities in order to survive in the pit, however, if a certain form is maintained for too long, that begins to become their default, effectively meaning imps can undergo metamorphosis.

An imp posing as, say, a kit, in order to benefit from the care and safety of a ghoul pack may, under the right circumstances, grow into a real ghoul some day.

Oftentimes, the ghouls raising these pseudo kits are aware of the fact that they are imps in disguise, but continue to raise them as if they were, as imps and kits have similar needs and raising an imp to become a ghoul is another means of reproduction among ghouls that are either 1.) infertile, or 2.) do not wish to physically conceive a child.

Not all imps will become ghouls, but the more care and attention they are given, the higher the likelihood of them undergoing metamorphosis is.

More independent imps/imps that are considered "feral" will not become ghouls, although not all clingy imps will either.

And lastly;

-Ghouls can and will eat bugs and other creepy crawlies if given the opportunity to do so, even if other food is available.

They just kind of go for it, and no one is really sure why.

[athforskz]

More Random Ult Kpop Group Questions: SKZ Version!

I did something like this a while ago when I first started this blog. So it’s time for another round! Questions below the cut I'm marking as MDNI. Like before, feel free to use this template of questions for your own ult group & tag me (and some friends if ya like). I love to see everyone’s responses 🤗

Dumbest thing you believed as a new fan?

Oof… there’s a few things I fell for as a baby stay, technically I still am a baby stay I think, BUT here’s my uhhh list: 

I thought Hyunjin had an identical twin brother.. 🫣 wait WAIIIT before you come at me, there was a rumor/joke going around at the time and obviously I didn’t know any better, so I believed it. There were even really good edits of Jinnie and his “twin” too. Then when I watched interviews where Hyunjin said he was an only child I was like ???? but eventually I figured it out.

I thought the sunshine twins were legitimately twins (they are) . Like biologically. Wtf is up with me believing twin things??

At first, I could NOT for the life of me tell the difference between Lee Know and Jeongin. No joke thought they were the same person. Which looking back on this one… how could I ever have trouble with them? They literally look nothing alike in facial structure and sound completely different in the way they talk & sing. Only thing they’re the same in is their menace behavior. 

2. Favorite duo/ship?

Usually not a shipper type of person but in regard to favorite friendship dynamic in skz, it’s gotta be SeungChan. Just watch this and there’s my reason why. Jilix is a close second because, again, sunshine twins. Followed by MinChan because watching Lee Know with his only hyung is so precious.

3. Favorite Racha (or other mini group within the whole group)? 

MeanRacha (Minho, Seungmin, & I.N) One of these 3 is literally always up to something. Causing chaos when you least expect it. The phrase “Lee Know is linoing” has become a favorite of mine because it always means he’s doing some menace antics again.

4. Favorite unreleased song?

There was a song that Hyunjin and Chan recorded years ago that Chan supposedly lost. We got a snippet of it and when I heard it I went feral because like Red Lights part 2???! PLEASE I NEED THIS SONG LIKE I NEED AIR! Chan like wtf do you mean you lost the track?! FIND IT. RECORD IT AGAIN. 

Also, all the solo performances they did at the opening concert in Seoul for the DominATE tour. Yeah, I need all those unreleased songs to be RELEASED right tf now. Give us another Replay album! And Chan… ykw let me shut up and be good for once, but I just wanna say THE GRASS AINT WORKING 

5. Favorite old song of theirs? Favorite song from their most recent project?

HEYDAY by 3racha. The whole song is a vibe but Jisung’s lazy rap when he first starts his part just does something to me 😩 

In regard to the whole group, I’d say the song 'YAYAYA' is one of my go-to jams from their older stuff. I love the tempo changes, scratches my brain in a good way.

Now as for the new album “ATE” this may be controversial to say but “I like it” is my favorite. It’s just so catchy!

6. Has your bias/bias line changed?

Since the last time I did this, yes and no? I mean as I’ve grown more as a stay I can confidently say OT8! But if I was forced to choose I say Hyunjin no surprise there and Minho.

7. What about your wreckers?

Chan continues to wreck me every. single. day. Like it’s truly insane, that man KNOWS what he’s doing. I’d also like to add that I.N has been wrecking me left and right the last few months which I blame his hyungs for that. 

NOW FOR THE UNHINGED QUESTIONS!

Please skip this portion if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the delulu brain talking. 

8. Which member are you attracted to the most physically? What about emotionally?

Physically I’m going to say OT8! Like have you seen those MEN?! I would be lucky to even get a crumb from them like bffr. Changbin, Hyunjin & Minho

Emotionally probably Changbin & Chan. From the glimpses we get of their true feelings & perspectives on things I relate to them the most. Honorable mention for this one will be Hyunjin because he’s such a romantic and I wanna say Seungmin too. I feel like before we didn’t get to see a lot of Seungmin ‘off camera’ per se, but with his [Song by] series we get to see more of his real personality and thoughts.

9. If you ever actually had the chance, who do you think you’d work out in a long-term relationship with (please remember the first rule of Kpop)? 

Probably, Changbin. Mans is a walking green flag. He’s a good listener, considerate of other’s feelings while still being honest. Always there for you. Funny af too. Overall, considering how I am as a person I think, Changbin would just be a good match for me. Like in my delulu brain me and Binnie would have that friends to lovers trope going for us. Even my dearest honey bun thinks so, she did write about it for me afterall💕 

10. A favorite kink of yours and member to fit that kink?

To keep it somewhat light in the kink department I’m going to go with hands. And a member to fit it the best, aka who I think has the most attractive hands will go to Jeongin. Innie has giant and such well structured hands. Rings sit so pretty on his fingers too which makes me feral. Like AHHDKSISVJKDW please grip my wrists and throat sir! *ahem* I mean, please let’s hold hands 🫶🏽 

Honorable hands mention will go to Minho because the veins on that man’s hands are just so ✨🥴

11. Favorite sluttiest choreography/move they’ve done?

Damn do I have a lot for this one *cracks knuckles*

The choreo for Silent Cry. Need I say more?

Anytime Hyunjin body rolls

Every single hip thrust/roll from Minho

The “POPPIN 🗣️” part in Maniac, especially when Binnie does it.

That one part in Charmer. Y’all know exactly what part I’m talking about.

Red lights. Need I say more, pt 2

The entire choreo for Taste. Bonus points to Minho when he did the special stage where he’s fucking hip thrusting from the side (I hope y’all know which one I’m mentioning here)

12. Most unhinged fic or edit you have enjoyed of them?

There’s a lot for this question too but I’ll keep it short. I’ll start with unhinged fics. I enjoy dark themes because let’s face it. Trauma. Please be warned these fics aren’t for the faint of heart, so if you read them, be warned. Some are lighter than others, but please read warnings!

Game Over feat. Seungmin & I.N by @sanakimohara

Games feat. I.N by @dandelions-143

Chemical Infatuation feat. Han by @hanjisick

ABANB series feat. OT8! by @doitforbangchan

The SKZ House series feat. Chan & Hyunjin by @writeonwhiskey

As for edits, there are even more that I enjoy. But I’ll only choose 1 for the sake of time and it’s only letting me attach one video.

Alright, that’s it! Thanks for reading if you stuck it out this far! I really didn't intend for it to be this long but it was so fun that I got carried away. Now for tags, I’ll go with my typical beautiful babes @doitforbangchan @jehhskz @torialefay + anyone else who wants to join!

[redbullgivesyouwingedkuriboh]

Since y’all liked me getting beaten down by GX characters so much, here’s:

Yu-Gi-Oh ARC-V Characters ranked by how easily I could take them in a fight

same rules apply: fisticuffs only and my personal feelings about the characters do not matter

also since ARC-V is WEIRD AF when it comes to characters this will be characters that are exclusive to ARC-V. so no repeat of Asuka. We already know I bite harder than she does.

without further ado, here we go:

Reira Akaba. No shit. is literally a baby. if I was a baby kicking kind of person I could punt her into the sun. However as I do not kick babies I am more inclined to wrap her in a lil blanket and put her in the corner.

Yuya Sakaki. Bitch. One good step on his toes and he’s going “reaction shot?!” I pull on his stupid fuckin goggles and snap them back onto his face. he’s down. count to ten.

Yuzu Hiragi. Canonically the bracelet girls really suck at holding their own at any given moment. Yuzu is the weakest physically because she has never seen war or hardship to the level of the other three. I could take her in four seconds. pigtail tug time.

Yuri. The second weakest physically of the Yu boys. has been coddled by Leo for years. probably sparred with Sho at the academy to make himself feel better about having 0% body weight from muscles. eat shit you purple motherfucker.

Dennis McField. not only would I beat him, I would enjoy doing it. I’d love to curbstomp that motherfucker off a boat, except he already did that to himself. physically he is a fuckin twig and I am five feet seven inches of pure unadulterated god complex. he’ll wish I turned his ass into a card.

Reiji Akaba. the scarf works to his detriment. I do two laps around him holding the end of that thing and suddenly his face is turning blue and he’s calling for papa. unfortunately for him I have zero mercy.

Rin. again, the bracelet girls are notoriously bad at being strong independent women. we literally don’t see Rin for most of the series because she got herself kidnapped off the cuff. that being said she could probably hold her own against me, but I think she’s too sweet for that.

Z-ARC. We’ve established I bite. even outside of human form, if you look at him, he’s got a fuck ton of exposed veins, both as regular Z-ARC and Yuya Z-ARC. chompy chompy motherfucker you’ll pass out from the blood loss before I can kick your ass properly.

Yugo. Canonically relies on his motorcycle for fuckin everything. lost to Yuri because he rolled a nat one on his constitution saving throw. even though he’s probably physically in shape from motorcycle stuff I could flick him in the forehead and he’d be whining like a baby. If I got the first shot in, I’d have a 99% chance of winning. If he got to me first it would go to about 60%. again, I bite.

Leo Akaba. Here’s where we get into characters that have a greater than 50% chance of beating me. Leo is canonically ripped and also has zero emotions. I would only win if I got close enough for a nut kick, but there’s only one person who wants to be that close to Leo Akaba and it sure as hell ain’t me.

Sora Shuin’in. Holy fuck who let their feral cat off its leash. Sora is literally insane and I am requesting backup. He’d shove that lollipop so far up my ass that I’d be able to tell whether it was lime or green apple. I live in fear of Sora suddenly materializing in my room

Ruri Kurosaki. Remember how I bite? She bites harder. She puts up with No Shit and also has No Fucks To Give.

Serena. No further explanation needed. I fear that explaining it further would cause Feral Child #2 to burst into my brain and start kicking.

Yusho Sakaki. Sweet mother of blue eyes white dragon. remember how I said my personal feelings don’t matter? now they do. smash. next question. wait what were we talking about?

Shun Kurosaki. kinda lost the plot on Yusho but we’re back on track now. Shun canonically took out armed guards by Batmanning his ass up a wall. There’s posters up for him that say “lost dog” and the caption is just “if you find him please keep him”.

Yuto. Everything that Shun is + Ruri taught him how to effectively bite.

Noburu Gongenzaka. he is actually ripped and wears cement shoes for funzies. he could probably just stomp once and my shaky joints would give out on their own. bye.

Yoko Sakaki. canonically beat the stuffing out of people in her past life and I would let her. angry mom energy means I barely make it out alive. smash. wait— shit—

[fawkoff]

Letting my brain cook part 4 aka more totk headcanons!!!!!(except Im not sure if *4 counts as a headcanon)

*1 Sonia and Rauru barely get into arguments but when they do they both apologize and come to a compromise that works for both of them

*2 Ganondorf gets bitches(I really cannot explain past this)

*3 Ganondorf is 48, Sonia is 45, Rauru is 47, Mineru is 50

*4 All Zonai names instead of having a last name have a specific two letters that are tagged onto the end of their name but it doesn’t change if say someone with ‘te’ at the end of their name were to get married to someone with ‘su’ at the end of their name(Basically anyone born into Rauru/Mineru’s family would have ‘ru’ at the end)

*5 Zelda doesn’t hate Rhoam (idk if thats how you spell it but oh well) she just doesn’t like how he put so much pressure on her when she was a young child.

*6 Link views sleeping as a chore

*7 Sidon sees link as his brother

*8 Yunobo has anxiety

*9 Sonia is a monsterfucker (this is canon tbh🧍‍♀️)

*10 Zelda is the big spoon and link is the little spoon (I am right and will not take criticism/j)

*11 Link is not as feral as he might seem he’s just a little (a lot) sleep deprived

[mara-tevith-solo]

Sing a Little Song For Me

Part 2 of several drabbles that are in no particular order so enjoy.

Warnings: Mentions of death, Mentions of dead bodies, Canon levels of violence, canon levels of war, foul-mouthed MC, child kidnapping, Quaritch is still his own warning, enemies to lovers, English is my first language but I suck at it 

Photo not mine

Pairing: eventual Colonel Miles Quaritch x Na’vi/Avatar named f!reader/oc appearance not really described 

Rated 18+ kids

Words: 1.1k+ 

I didn't care if they could hear me as I crashed through the foliage after them, keeping up with them just enough to not lose them "Spider!" I called, not caring that there was desperation in my voice in front of the enemy.

"Mom!" He yelled back, his voice ragged as he grunted like he was struggling. "Mom!" He called again before a hail of bullets forced me to find cover, even at the cost of ground. "No! Leave her alone! Mom!" Spider called desperately, sounding like he was struggling harder.

"Enough!" Quaritch barked as a dropship lowered enough for them to leave on it.

I sprinted to close the distance in a last ditch attempt to get him back, not caring about the chances that I'd get shot "No! Spider!" I cried as Quaritch made it up onto the dropship with Spider, smiling ferally down at me for a moment, a moment that I took full advantage of as I knocked an arrow, pulling it back and loosing it with just enough aim to be confident there was no way in hell it was hitting Spider. Quaritch quickly dodged with wide fearful eyes, the arrow imbedding itself where his head had been not a blink prior as I snarled up at him, someone forming a voiceless curse before the dropship was cruising away at speed. I stewed the entire jog back to the shack, plotting the best way to get Spider back from the genocidal maniac turned avatar pilot. Out of all the facts I had at that moment, the fact that Colonel Miles Quaritch, xenophobic homicidal asshole turned bogeyman we used to scare children into behaving, was back from the dead, and in a Na'vi body to boot. Karma was a hilarious bitch sometimes.

I looted the bodies by the shack, they certainly didn't need the kit, and we needed every little bit we could get. I didn't bother to look at any of their faces or tags as I collected useful bits and bobs, guns and ammunition finding their way over my shoulders and slung across my hips, fanny packs of medicine and bandages and other little things also found their way around my torso. I finished out the hunt with the sniper rifle, taking every round the Avatar had on his person before finally leaving, back to the clearing so that Thor could actually land. "Where have you been?" Jake hissed like an over worried mother as soon as Thor was settled on the perch, his ears back as his eyes studied me with concern and frustration.

"Took a shot at Colonel Dick-For-Brains and then looted a bit. Got some good stuff, they gave the best shit to those losers." I smiled tightly at him as I began to unload my person, keeping the sniper rifle and equipment away from the general pile so that it wouldn't get carried off.

"I'm being serious, Ani!" He snapped at me, latching onto the anger I had given him.

"I am too, Jake!" I snarled right back, wheeling around to face him head on, stepping over the small pile of spoils to gain ground, making him back away in alarm. I'd never acted that way towards him, had never snapped so aggressively at him. He raised his hands in surrender and backed up further, letting me have the space I so desperately needed. My shoulders were heaving with deep angry breaths that quickly changed into barely contained sobs "He took Spider, Jake. He took him, and I couldn't save him." Sobs leaked out as I spoke, tears pouring down my face as I tried physically holding myself together "He's gonna torture him! Oh god! Oh Eywa!" Like the last fiber of an old rope, my resolve snapped, leaving me a sobbing mess. Jake was instantly collecting me in a hug, shushing me as best as he could.

"I know, I know." He murmured into my hair "Kiri told us. She's really broken up about it." I nodded mutely, no longer able to trust my voice. "He's a strong kid, got a double dose of stubborn from his parents, and he's resourceful. He'll be alright, I can almost promise it." He reassured me, saying all the right things to give me hope. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, both enjoying the comfort the other brought while it lasted "We're leaving the Omaticaya, they want you and I, and they won't stop until either they have us, or we're dead. And they'll kill anyone and everyone to get to us." My stomach dropped with his words as I pulled away from him, knowing that he was right "We started this, all those years ago--"

"They started it," I cut him off firmly, leaving no room for argument "and we finished it. We can finish it again." I sniffed, wiping my tears away with newfound determination "I hope this bastard pre-wrote his own eulogy again." I growled at no one in particular, resolved to kill him again and again, as many times as needed until humanity got the hint and fucked right off.

Jake smiled tiredly, nodding as he clapped me on the shoulder "I'll arrange everything with the Clan, pass the mantle." I could see the pain it caused him to leave the people who had accepted us so firmly, who we'd fought and bled beside battle after battle. But it was our duty to keep them safe, no matter the cost to ourselves. I nodded, gripping his forearm until he was pulling away. Thor cooed on his roost and I bit my lip in displeasure, knowing that I was going to miss him terribly.

He seemed to know something was wrong as soon as I was back in his sight line, cocking his head to the side slightly and not taking his eyes off of me as I closed the distance, pace by pace. As soon as I was close enough, one of my braids was between his beak, just holding it aloft gently as he watched me expectantly, cooing softly at my forlorn expression "I have to leave with my family, to keep the People safe. The humans want Jake and I, and they won't stop until they have us." I sighed and closed my eyes, not bearing to keep meeting his gaze, instead brushing his muzzle tenderly "I'm not going to ask you to come with me. I'm not going to ask you to leave your home." I announced firmly, though I still couldn't look at him without wanting to cry. He dropped my braid and tapped me with a kuru, searching for mine, wanting to communicate more solidly. As soon as tsaheylu was made, he was adamant about not leaving my side, that if I was in danger, he'd be there for every little bit of it. I met his gaze with tears falling down my cheeks, making him coo as he gently brought me in against his chest for a sort of embrace. "Thank you." I sniffled, hiding my face near one of his chest vents. I didn't want anyone else to see me cry, not there, not then.

[macchitea]

pssspsps *hands you my skyrim werewolf oc*

(cring lore dump below so my brain becomes normal again)

nirin's my bosmer werewolf dragonborn oc :D!! she's skilled in archery; sneak; and fire magic!

she's selectively mute!! and uses sign language; as well as a (very) limited version of dragon language to those who can understand it; namely paarthurnax; miraak and the greybeards.

she's also feral; an absolutel creacher; lives in the woods; and rarely interacts w/ society;

nirin; or 'nir in' is dragon language for hunt master!! its a name she came up for herself after paarthurnax suggested it. she doesn't actually remember her original name;

i like to think that when the events of the games start; or the moment someone is at the right place at the right time and gets picked to become the 'hero' of the games; they forget their name and a majority of their past life. she still retains her personality; skills and any uhhh;; adverse;; effects of her past!! she just can't remember it! one of these adverse effects being that she's a werewolf (meaning i have to use console commands to make her a werewolf immediately on every playthrough lmao).

as her name suggests she's VERY good at hunting! that's her full time occupation basically lmao. she sometimes visits the drunken huntsman in whiterun to 'sell' her catches, but its rlly just the concerned shopkeepers giving her normal people food and supplies to help her survive.

she has 2 main followers! lydia and miraak.

lydia is her first friend (technically caretaker) in skyrim. i like to think that jarl balgruuf assigned her to nirin out of concern for this Child being the dragonborn and tasked to slay Alduin of all beings, so lydia was tasked at making sure she becomes a well-adjusted person and doesn't bite as much sdfdffdjkl. lydia taught her the basics of reading and writing!! :D they parted ways a bit further into nirin's journey, specifically when she travelled to solstheim

oK SO a BIG part of nirin's character is her struggle w/ her dragonborn identity and the burden of her dragon soul. she 100% rejects the call to adventure, HARD. i hc that the dragon souls a dragonborn absorbs Stays with them in more ways than just making them more powerful; like,, the dragons' personalities, wills and their desire for domination stays with her, with the latter especially getting worse the more dragon souls she absorbs and it certainly doesn't mesh well w/ her werewolf nature fskfs. she comes to paarthurnax often for advice and companionship, but there's only so much he can do, seeing as he only has one (1) dragon soul and never interacts w/ human society.

this is where miraak comes in!!! :DD i've always thought the fact he's the First Dragonborn is Very cool, and that he can have some very interesting dynamics w/ the Last (nirin)!! like, the fact he's been dragonborn for thousands of years!! has killed MANY dragons before and very skilled w/ using the thu'um for combat!! in her story, miraak acts as nirin's (reluctant) mentor. she initially pulled him out of Apocrypha so he could take her place in defeating Alduin, but because of permanent injuries and a curse inflicted by Hermeaus Mora, he's been locked out of Sovngarde and isn't rlly in peak fighting shape to take on a giant dragon god. so he's stuck trying to make sure the last dragonborn doesn't die before she saves the world fjsflkdsjf.

nirin isn't happy about this, miraak is even mORE disgruntled about this.

in conclusion, nobody is happy in this story except for me >:)

if you've read this far uhhhhhh, ty for listening to my unhinged brainrot rant and also i am sorry fjsdlkfjsldkj

[vorbarrsultana]

the vampire lestat reread, pt. 2

featuring our monarch gabrielle, two feral narrative foils hissing at each other, and some musings on vampire theatre internal politics

let's talk about GABRIELLE

i can't wait to meet her in the tv series. she is one of the more inhuman vamps, and the fact that she never got to meet claudia is a crime.

the remark that the only humans she finds cool are those extinct for 6000 years is hilarious.

her dynamic with lestat is so fascinating. there is so much codependency going on from their first interaction. you can feel they are almost too much for each other. they are mother & son, they are best friends, they are confidantes.

however, i feel like the undercurrent of deeply buried resentment for their situation and each other was always there, and the lack of clearly set boundaries between them is concerning.

gabrielle was not a good parent. period.

the reason she kept lestat close to her for so many years in augverne is that she lived voraciously through him. she encouraged his interest in hunting, she bought him mastiff pups and flintlock rifle. sure, there was a rational part to this idea (providing for the family), but gabrielle also did it because this way some part of her (the man in her, as she put it) could be out there in the wilderness, shooting the game and skinning deers.

(the downside is that lestat would rather learn how to read in french & italian or play the spinet. the hunting was about her needs rather than his.)

and i know people like to ascribe the "parent who needs their child more than their child needs the parent" to loucladia for some reason, but that's augverne! lesgabrielle, not them.

it becomes even more apparent once lestat turns gabrielle into a vampire, and she's suddenly free to express herself. she doesn't have to live through him anymore, she can do all he does, and (after the honeymoon-esque thrill of newfound companionship expired) they start to slowly drift apart.

and on this reread, their incestuous relationship looked more like selfcest on gabrielle's part. she loves and admires herself in him, and romantic interest is the only way in which she can express that because she was never built to be a mother.

(they are like cersei and jaime lannister, except they are parent and child.)

and lestat is so starved for gabrielle's affection that he will accept any form it takes.

but genuine love was there! gabrielle loved lestat and wanted the relationship they eventually had. she would have loved for him to leave with her too, except she knew that they would be miserable together.

i'll be honest, slow disintegration of gabrielle and lestat's companionship is one of the best parts of tvl for me, and it has potential to be a great tv relationship arc.

also, the way lestat and gabrielle repeatedly circle back to mother-son dynamic despite changing the label of their relationship is similar to louis & claudia's sister-daughter thing. "disaster, my son" after nicki was turned, lestat calling her mother during their farewell in egypt | "go sit on your choice, sister" followed by "the wilderness that is our daughter"...

and now i am a) even more upset; b) curious what was lestat thinking during the 1x06 conversation.

.....

the way my brain rewrote book canon into armand's 2x03 narrative is fascinating (word choice intentional).

book sequence of events is: 1) the coven kidnaps nicki as a bait; 2) then they ambush lestat & gabrielle in the forest, and force them to hide under the altar of a village chirch; 3) they attack them again next night. lestat and gabrielle hide in notre dame, where then they are confronted by armand, who tries to mind-wham them into submission; 4) once he fails, he punches lestat through the door hard enough for him to lose consciousness for several moments, and sets the coven on them; 5) lestat & gabi fight them again, and then they are finally captured and brought to the cemetery.

lestat breaking the coven (armand's version, left vs lestat's version, right):

i hope we'll get to see that scene in it's full glory with gabrielle and alessandra present!

and armand, armand, armand. he is delighfully unhinged in tvl, thriving in his gremlin era.

lestat's "insect" (degoratory) vs daniel's "insect" (affectionate)

like in 2x03, book!armand has lost his faith in the children of darkness beliefs at this point. however, he makes it clear that he doesn't want the coven destroyed. for him, it is the instrument of empowering himself, of securing power over others that he lacked in his early life. the first time his mask slips and he shows all-consuming anger is when lestat & gabrielle threaten his superiority by displaying their vampire skills.

but the coven also helps armand to endure his immortality because it serves the meaning of eternal life on silver platter, and armand hadn't been taught how to search for that meaning on his own.

(armand really said the only reason i didn't burn lestat, nicki & gabrielle on stake is that lestat was well enough to stand and talk. should remedy that.)

and it's so interesting that lestat is the enlightenment rationality to armand's irrational faith. narrative foils are narrative foiling!

armandstat has always been one of my favorite tvc dynamics. however, i feel that recently it has become one of the more fanonized ones because many people tend to forget how much mindfuckery was going on from their first meeting. while narrating, 1985! lestat seems to be pretty sure which thoughts re: armand were his own, and which had been planted in his brain, but it doesn't make it less creepy.

lestat hearing armand's call 24/7 on repeat in his head is a full-on horror movie.

and i forgot that his monologue to madeleine in 2x06 is very similar to something he & alessandra tell to lestat under the cemetery. which, imo, shows how much armand has regressed during the 19th century, and how theatre became more and more cult-like as time went on.

(narrative foils continue narrative foiling atm, this time about love for mortals. lestat is utterly in love with humanity, but for armand they are only means of enriching his life.)

and i'm sorry, but armand's behaviour in season 2 was completely in-character. his response to lestat rejecting him in nicki's flat is to try to murder him next night.

i hate seeing "this is love, this is desire..." quote used as gotcha in shipping discourse because the text makes it clear that these are not lestat's words (and armand SA's him on next page :/). if anything, the palais royal scene is more similar to armand and daniel's "rest" scene in 2x05. it's supposed to be eerie and unsetling,

however, there is intimacy, gentleness and understanding between armandstat. they communicate with their mind more often than other vampires, and what's mortifying about being known for them (does anyone else know the size of your soul?) is that lestat can't love armand like he wants him to because he understands armand too well (crypts in his eyes, and true horror what the vampires are), and armand can't not love lestat because he knows him too (there is a light in you that is almost blinding).

and lestat tries so hard to be kind to armand, he tells him that neither him nor gabrielle can become his marius, that he needs to find himself first because the idea of shaping him into whatever form he likes is terrifying for eternal rebel lestat. but armand percieves that as explicit rejection, and reacts with bitterness.

in retrospect, it's obvious how much of lestat's view on maker/fledgling dynamic is shaped by armand's warnings and curses, and how much of later events is lestat trying to prove him wrong.

armand is projecting so many of his marius issues on lestat. superficial resemblance aside, lestat had done for nicki something he desperately wished marius had done for him. armand wanted marius to walk into the lair of the monsters and free him from santino and his cronies, but he never did. on the other hand, lestat, lestat, lestat freed his love from the coven's clutches, and armand wants to be loved like that.

another underrated part of tvl is vampire politics! there are so many interesting little things about the vampire society in parts 5 & 6, like differences between covens in rome and paris, and how much lives of european vamps seem to be shaped by personality of the coven master.

(don't worry, armand, at least you are the 18th century vampire celebrity alongside lestat, gabi and the ancients! however, it makes me curoius about watsonian reason why louclaudia haven't heard about the armand, the lestat and the gabrielle when they were travelling in iwtv.)

and theatre des vampires didn't kill people on stage during nicki's time as playwright! this seems to be something armand introduced later.

another interesting tidbit is that armand handpicked all new coven members, slowly replacing those who weren't loyal to him, and when lestat comes to paris after the new orleans murder attempt he finds no familiar faces in the troupe.

which leads me to believe that the coup narrative armand was trying to sell in season 2 is definitely full of lies.

we (the readers) know that de landen sisters are alive (i.e. undead) in prince lestat era, so they probably left after nicki's death since they stuck around for him and didn't like armand after he tried to burn them alongside other less fortunate coven members. laurent probably went with eleni & eugenie, and then ditched them sometime in 19th century.

but where is felix?

(now i headcanon him as santiago's dead maker. let's ruin lestat's life further.).

[puppy-phum]

Top 5 kisses in BL 2023

Top 5 fashion choices in BL 2023

Top 5 aesthetically pleasing BL in 2023

monica my beloved ♥ thank you so much for sending me all three of these!! i made separate posts for the other two here and here, but let's get into kissing now, shall we!

-

My Top 5 BL Kisses in 2023

I. PuenTalay in Our Skyy 2 x Vice Versa episode 2

listen, i know i am extremely biased but i am just OBSESSED with the parallel included to this kiss. p'x was high on something, having visions, incredibly galaxy-brained when he decided to remake puentalay's drunken kiss in their final episode. with the same dialogue and puen's soundless 'i love you' no less! this kiss is extremely beautiful and so meaningful and gosh. owns my whole ass ♥

II. MorkDay in Last Twilight episode 6

the rooftop kiss coming to compete with all the legendary rooftop kisses! absolutely feral over how this scene goes, how it starts with one tentative kiss (careful, scared, almost chaste and innocent, child-like) and then turns into all this hunger and desperation and determination and anger and grief and confusion and delight and relief. this is pure insanity. i know they're about to top this some time soon but ugh, true cinema.

III. LomfonTien in LaPluie episode 12

i was waiting for this kiss like i was about to drown without it and it did not disappoint. i think i replayed this scene like ten times once it happened bc it was just so good. very nice, very fulfilling. i hope these two get a second season so i can see more of them being crazy about each other and sort out whatever mess the universe has planned for them.

IV. JokeZo in Hidden Agenda episode 8

i know they have a full-on makeout session in this episode bc it's their first time and everything, but i am genuinely in love with this specific moment. there is just something so... intimate? humane? real? about the way joke brings zo with him into the bedroom and then sets them both down like this. it brings back memories, and maybe that touch of real-life connection makes this kiss so important to me. they're sweet, they're in love, and this kiss is a testament to that.

V. SandRay in Only Friends episode 9

i was straight up screaming when this scene happened for the first time. idk how firstkhao did it, but on some level, this feels like sandray's first kiss. it's so full of anger and passion and desperation and love and fear and. yeah. it's just a very impactful kiss, so it has to be here. some lives were changed. especially when this is impro??? oh christ alive.

Bonus: HeartLiming cheek kiss in Moonlight Chicken episode 8

this is the cutest shit. my heart fills with joy when i look at this. they're my precious beans and they're together and in love and everything is right in the world ♥

-

thank you monica, i love you so much ♥ i hope you enjoy these answers!

[salora-rainriver]

The Sympathy Problem, or "Why I'm Too Much of a Monsterfucker to Get Into Horror"

I don't know what the fuck this is, but I'm writing an essay about a problem that, as far as I know, only applies to me (but i might be totally wrong, who knows).

I think the title speaks for itself, but lemme just elaborate on what the fuck happens inside my brain, and how that fundamentally affects the way I handle horror media, to the point where I cannot truly appreciate it as horror on the same level as everyone else.

now lemme post a cute bat here so that there'll be an appropriate image to represent the whole essay when its link is shared on stuff like Discord:

trust me this was important. Okay, let's keep going.

Part 1: Why I'm a Monsterfucker

Let's start at age 4. I'm a dinosaur kid, like roughly 1/3rd of all autistic bitches. I'm a dinosaur kid to the point of owning multiple Land Before Time movies, and tie-in games, and I think I even had like two plushies at one point.

you know it's serious when this is your childhood.

I also had miscellaneous dinosaur plushies, and dinosaur toys, and a dinosaur book I frequently read front-to-back, and you get the idea.

dinosaur love evolves into dragon love, evolves into "funky monster creatures and animals of all kinds" love. I become a freakish savant of the wonderful world of the animal kingdom really quickly, to the point where my child-brain career prospects include "vet" as a pretty high finalist.

And then I find Starcraft, a game in a genre I otherwise wouldn't have given a shit about... but guess what? it has bug dinos.

it's all over for me.

But like, why? why do I like dinosaur so much?

... because I am dinosaur.

Look. LOOK. I can't give a good comprehensive list on the connections between my particular strand of autism and the state of Being A Dinosaur, because by this point, me being autistic and me being a dinosaur are so completely intertwined that it's often a chicken-egg situation. But the point is,

I make weird noises instead of using my words. I toe-walk. I don't like shoes. Sometimes I like to not wear clothes at all, even. I like to hide in small crevices when spooked. When I'm in a meltdown, I scare people.

Me dinosaur. Or at least, me some type of feral.

So is it any fucken surprise that when I go into an RPG, I latch onto the animal shapeshifter, the furry species, or the person who fights unarmed and/or uses a claw weapon?

Is it any fucking surprise that I am the opposite of spooked by snakes and spiders and other such creepy crawlies?

is it any fucking surprise that I have a fursona?????

is it any fucking surprise that I picked Pokemon Scarlet without the slightest HINT of remorse?!

Part 2: Wait, That's not the Intended Response

now let's talk about horror. Let's talk about the elements that make horror into horror: the fear part.

So what scares people? Well... people scare us. A serial killer, a mad scientist, a cult leader, a corrupt government entity, maybe? or maybe even society itself, its darker side full of atrocities and danger and problems where there's no easy solution and things can often seem hopeless?

... lmao who are we kidding that's not the vast majority of what scares people in horror. IT'S MONSTERS! Monsters scare people!

From Xenomorphs to Jean Jacket to The Babadook, it's monsters! Shit that ain't human and never could be human, and maybe it's pretending to be human, maybe it used to be human, but now it ain't, and it's gonna getcha!

And it just.

I'm a monsterfucker.

I'm not scared of ghosts. Sure he's fucked up and wailing in endless pain and lashing out at everything, but that just makes me feel sad. Like, poor ghost dude. We should help him.

I'm not scared of vampires or werewolves. They're people like anyone else, and sure, there's an inherent danger from being around them, but there's also an inherent danger from being close to an alligator, and I'm sure as fuck not scared of an alligator chilling on the side of the road. Cautious, maybe, but not scared.

I'm not scared of zombies. I mean, if they were real, I'd be a bit spooked, cause I have no combat expertise and would definitely be Fucked. But the same would apply if my hometown became a war zone. And... a war movie won't scare me. So a zombie movie wouldn't, either.

I'm not scared of xenomorphs. I mean I don't want to die, but that just means I should be entering alien environments with all proper safety procedures. TBH I'm more pissed at Weyland-Yutani than anything else.

I'm not scared of the Babadook. I'm worried for the well-being of the family as they try to come to terms with grief, and the monstrous shape that grief has taken. But it seems like they're coping in the end, so that's good.

I'm not scared of Jean Jacket - okay no. I'll be honest. It makes me uncomfortable. I will not be going into detail on the difference between this discomfort and actual fear. That is not a Salora Lore I want to disclose here. If you Know, you Know.

Part 3: Horror ceases to be a genre for me

So the monsters in horror movies don't scare me. And yet... I've watched some horror movies. And I've liked them. From this one list I've been using as quick reference to remind myself of What Horror Movies Exist out there, I've watched a few of these, or am at least familiar with them. You know, I've seen some classic horrors like "The Shining" because I went to film class in high school, and I've watched some installments of classic franchises like "Scream", or oddball picks like "Warm Bodies" and "The Relic", because I was having watch parties with friends.

Even beyond film, I read some Lovecraft once, and I've played plenty of spookier-themed videogames, like... well, like Silent Hill 2. Didn't finish that one. Bcs I'm bad at puzzles. But I loved the atmosphere.

And even when I'm not directly experiencing the horror media, I often look it up, read the synopsis, and watch video essays about it.

I know way too much about Hereditary, Midsommar, Get Out, the Slasher Genre in general, Creepypasta, Resident Evil, and mascot horror, for someone who's supposedly not able to properly engage with horror as a medium.

And I like some of that shit! But uh...

... not. as horror.

I just. Don't engage with them as horror films. I engage with them as whatever other genre you could slot them into. Hereditary is a tragedy. Get Out is political allegory. The Babadook is psychological allegory. Ghost stories are dark fantasy. Alien is sci fi. Slasher films go back and forth between mystery, action, and dark comedy. Warm Bodies is a rom-com. (like. that's not even a weird hot take. I don't know why this Rotten Tomatoes editorial decided it was horror, but I'm not gonna dispute their assertion, Bcs like. this entire essay is about why I'm not a good judge on that sort of thing) Silent Hill is a puzzle-adventure game with light action. Five Nights at Freddys is a time-management simulation game that would stress me the fuck out if I ever played it. Amnesia: the Dark Descent is a stealth game.

You get the idea.

So I'm just... in this really weird position. I'm a huge fan of spooky monsters, strange happenings, stories that engage seriously with the anxieties of mankind through allegory,

but I can't. truly enter the horror genre community as an insider.

Cause I ain't scared.

And honestly, it gets even worse when I start to imagine myself maybe, idk, *writing* a horror story of my own. Because... since I don't get scared by them, how am I supposed to know what scares others? Apologies to my fellow disabled folk for this clumsy analogy, but... it feels like trying to paint while visually impaired. I mean... you can do it. You can do it super well if you push yourself. but it's a strong disadvantage, and it might result in an artwork that could baffle the seeing people in your audience.

And maybe there could be merit in that. In writing my attempt at a horror story from the perspective of someone who doesn't find any of it scary. Maybe it's be intriguing, even surreal or dreamlike or alien to the audience who doesn't engage with this subject matter in the same way I do.

Or maybe it'd just end up similar to that one phase of the creepypasta fad where folks were going "wooo! hyperrealistic blood! isn't it spoopy n fuked up????" and it'll be garbage idfk

Bonus Round: ...Okay I Might've Lied a Bit

There is one movie that for me, truly could be considered "horror".

It genuinely terrified me as I watched it. It shook me to my core and opened my eyes to how other people feel when they see some shadowy monster figure with too many teeth reach out and eviscerate a poor bitch. I fucking get it now, to some extent. I don't know *how* the spiky boy elicits that response in you, but now I understand how it feels.

Because I watched FUCKING M3GAN

[SPOILER WARNING: I'm not saying the exact plot beats of the movie but I AM going into detail about its themes and the character development of the protagonist. It's massive spoilers but they're all vague spoilers.]

Me and my friends didn't pick this movie thinking we'd get spooked. this is the movie where the doll does some sort of modern dance routine while carrying a katana. It's goofy shit! We figured this was goofy ass modern trash and we were gonna laugh.

MOTHERFUCKERS I WASN'T LAUGHING????

Is the premise unrealistic and goofy? yeah. are the characters exaggerated and cartoonish? yes. are there like, numerous jokes throughout this film, that are portrayed as jokes? yes. was the dancing robot doll chase sequence goofy as shit? yes*

*ok but the context of That Scene made my brain gloss right the fuck over how goofy it was bcs I was too fucked up over everything else that already happened!

So like. What? How? How is goofy robot doll horrifying? Salora, you know how many stories about rogue AIs and killer robots there are? Why doesn't skynet scare you?

It's not about the doll. It's about the humans who created her.

This film is as subtle as a fucking anvil when it comes to it's social commentary. Like, "opening sequence is a kids commercial for Deranged Knockoff Furby" and "a therapist character explains attachment theory for a whole scene" levels of unsubtle. and honestly that makes the horror fucking worse. in this bizarre cartoonish parody of society, we're seeing a laid-bare and raw allegory for the real harm we are inadvertently delivering upon real fucking people. Weirdly enough, the exaggeration just makes it feel more real.

and what's "It"? Not the uncanny valley of a too-perfect silicon face, the gruesome deaths, the murderous AI,

No, "it" is the commodification of childhood, the degradation of familial ties and human connection through overwork, the way we try to patch these broken ties with product, the outsourcing of parenting to toys and machines, the disastrous consequences of allowing an orphan to vanish into wish fulfillment fantasy instead of being given space to work through her grief,

the exploitation of her grief in order to market the very thing that's spiraling her further into an unhealthy dependency, to do the exact same thing to children worldwide, all because of profit.

Look. Monsters, ghosts, demons, serial killers, zombies, predatory animals, rogue AI, they're not scary to me, because I know them. and if I don't know them, I want to know them. The solution to the threats things like that pose are simple. Keep your distance from the crocodile. Punch the shark's sensitive nose to make it back off. Invest in security measures so your house doesn't get broken into. Don't anger the ghost. Exorcise the demon. Shoot the zombie's head.

How do you, an overworked engineer for a toy company, find the time to connect with your orphaned niece on a human level?

How do you take away said niece's beloved doll when you slowly come to realize that her attachment to it has become unhealthy?

What the fuck are you supposed to even do when you realize that you might have created a murderous monster and marketed it to hundreds of kids, and your overzealous boss is in your ear pressuring you to get it ready for launch?

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Conclusion: But fr am I like the Only One

so uh. yeah.

My fear response is mucked around by an unusually high level of sympathy for the monsters that tend to populate horror media. I'm Too Kinky To be Tortured, and it puts me in an awkward relationship with the horror genre, where the only things that can well and truly terrify me are unhealthy relationships and capitalism, and even then, only if those topics are presented in just the right way to make me feel like this shit is Real.

And like you know how there's a whole language of like, scares and signifiers and shit that's been well-researched, all these tiny tips and tricks to exploit primal fears in humans? (I dont know if language is the right word but im just gonna call it that until further notice)

well, a lot of that Language of Horror doesn't quite work on me, because it's all related to monsters and physical threats, and I love the monsters too much,

and I imagine there is a whole different Language out there of the shit that can be exploited to scare me,

but fuck if i know what it is. I only got a single movie as my frame of reference. How the fuck would you even find a movie that handles social anxiety like that?

Like idk, do y'all think Carrie would spook me? Carrie's about societal ills, right?

[know-the-way]

Continued Stages of Falling Down the Miss Fisher Rabbit Hole

I’m gonna be real - I wish I could watch things in chronological order, I really do, but my ADHD brain just doesn’t work like that. So, I’ve bounced all around the different seasons and my overall thoughts are a jumbled mess. However, there are some things - in chronological order - that I just continue to go feral over the more I look at them, so I’m gonna share with the class. (P.S. Thank you so much for the warm welcome! You’re all very lovely and I just hope I don’t fuck that up by being annoying 😅… Uh… yep. Anyway, have a nice day! Lots of nonsense and a wee bit of meta below!)

- “Perhaps we could allow ourselves one candle?” “I think I could cope with that.”

Mmhm, listen here you cheeky fuckers, I see you. Whoever wrote this show learned the art of subtle symbolism and slow burn majesty, and while I am HERE for it, I also just… ya know… *pushes heads together* kiss already.

- Hearing Phryne say “I’m looking for my daughter” when she was searching for Jane in Queen of the Flowers. *clutches chest* Owwww. Her progression from “ugh, kids” to “this one’s okay, I guess” to “she is a part of me and to wrench her away would be akin to removing my very heart.” Just… yes. I will always love that dynamic. But I also appreciated Phryne emphasizing that Jane’s mum would always be her mum. I feel like there’s normally a focus on the child needing to choose between their biological or adoptive parents and it was refreshing that they allowed room for both of those relationships with Jane to exist equally.

- Maybe it’s just me, but whyyyyy does this exchange feel so domestic? There’s something about Jack just sitting there, marveling at her being in her own element, telling Hugh “of course” when he asks if Phryne knows judo (‘cause he knows her well enough to not be shocked anymore - like ‘of course she knows judo and speaks 8 languages and flies planes, it’s common sense Collins, get with the program’), and already knowing the answer to his suspicion about the “dangerous weapon.” It all just has an air of ‘gently teasing my spouse of 10 years in front of people because I know it winds them up and that’s our love language’ about it.

I’m also kind of curious how long Phryne has been practicing martial arts. Was it a ‘from childhood’ thing or a ‘from a traumatic event that made learning this skill feel necessary’ thing? If that fic hasn’t been written yet, I’d love to read one.

- “This time, you’re an accomplice. And unless you plan on killing Inspector Robinson yourself, he’ll make sure you hang.”

Again… I could so easily be reaching, but to me this comes off very much like “once my husband finds out what you’ve done to me, he will spend every waking moment ensuring your demise.” Couple that with Jack carrying her out like Prince Fucking Valiant and… yeah. #FERAL

- The fact that he wasn’t already holding her hand, but she was reaching for him… 🥺 The hurt/comfort goblin that lives in my brain: thriving. Just… fuck me up.

I still have two episodes of season 2 to finish, but so far my overall summary is that - by episode 3 - they’re together. Together, together. Don’t even care that it’s not “official,” don’t care that they don’t say it explicitly… they’re committed to each other in every way that matters, so they are bloody together. Just need them to realize that and accept it. For all our sakes.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Camper: So much for Zeus's son, what your gonna fight with your lil sparks.

Percy: Hey! Lay off, also it's Jupiter, smart ass!

Jason: Their not wrong.

Percy: frowns Jase

Jason: I'm... I can't do what you do....not anymore.

Percy: You don't have to say it.

Jason: No, it it's okay...I trust you.

Percy: puts an arm around his shoulders, knowing it helps and Jason leans into the touch

Jason: I was trained by Lupa from 2 years old. When I got to camp I was feral. Walking on all fours, growling bit more than a few campers

Percy: sounds like most toddlers I've met honestly.

Jason: sad smile but above all I was powerful...but they couldn't understand me I knew Latin I didn't know any English... They didn't try to understand me. They just saw a angry scared kid with more power than they knew to deal with...

Percy: realisation, clenches fist.. So they tried to control you.

Jason: rests his head on Percy's shoulder I don't remember it, it's pretty blurry when I try to recall what happened. But there was a collar and it... Shaking every time I stepped outta line.

Percy: holds him close, wishing he could sheild Jason from all his pain I've got you, I'm right here Jase. It's just you and me.

Jason: crumbles into his arms

Percy: kisses his forehead and gently wipes his tears, just holds Jason in his arms

Jason: I'm sorry

Percy: I am going to banish that word from your vocab one day Jase. Nothing about this is your fault.

Jason: I guess... But if I had just... Done what I was told...

Percy: softly Jason, you were a child it was their job to protect you. To let you grow not torture you for something out of your control. Kisses his cheek There is never, never a good excuse to hurt a kid. Looks him in the eye, thinking of his own past I need you to know that, sunshine.

Jason: nods I know

Percy:... Soo attempts to be casual but there's anger in his voice when's the next big camp meeting... Got some, words for the good centurions.

Jason: Percy, please don't start a war because of me.

Percy: They should've thought about that before hurting my boyfriend! I'm sure Frank would send over my olf Praetor robes if I asked.

Jason: Percy!

Percy: I won't start a war, just gonna talk to them.

Jason: With your sword?

Percy: Pfft no, silly Jason swords don't speak.

Jason: gets a giggle out of him

Percy: grins, ruffles his hair you're everything to me, you hear? I trust you to have my back when mines against a wall. Your skills, amazing, your powers are just as incredible as you, your brain is big and smart. You are so much more than what they tried to make you.

Jason: blush Percy...

Percy: So don't you speak badly of my boyfriend, he's doing his best and I love him for it.

Jason: I'll try kisses him

Percy: kisses back... Is that why you rub your neck when you use your powers?

Jason: nods I... I know it's not there but sometimes it feels like it and it hurts.

Percy: softly Oh Jase...

Jason: I'm sor-stops himself I just don't know what to do...

Percy: well first off, well done for not saying sorry and second of all, I don't know either Jase but we'll figure it out.

Jason: nuzzles his cheek, Together?

Percy: Together, now you're schedule is clear for the whole day for some cuddles from yours truly.

Jason: curls up in his arms, snuggling and feeling a sense of calm he hasn't felt in a long time

Percy: cuddles Jason close, while also possibly plotting murder

[zenkor123]

October 4th Katniss's rotation

Trigger warning: Violence, cannibalism, references to torture, mental illness. (have lots of references to this scattered, here I am going to put them in one place). What a day for Katniss!

Katniss initially had a 4-hour shift Peeta was glaring at her for 2 hours but Katniss managed to serve her whole shift.

Katniss gets into a physical altercation with Johanna after Jo tries to wake her up.

Johanna: Has to hear Katniss scream from nightmares, deal with constant barbs from Katniss, even has to get Katniss out of bed. "did you know I had to drag Katniss out of bed a few days ago, and I sometimes have to call Haymitch, stop being brainless, this" Johanna points at a bandage "was after you pointed the gun at her and called her a traumatized child" Johanna?" (Peeta thought she was removed from the squad and she has some scratch marks on her face)."

Coin warns Katniss of institutionalization.

On October 4th, Coin told Katniss.

If she keeps behaving like a lunatic unable to leave her bed, scratching Johanna she is going to the mental hospital to receive mental health help in her role as the Mockingjay. This message was relayed to Katniss via Boggs. Coin thought that she would move away from Peeta instead of cracking from the exposure to him(Peeta thought this as well). This it was felt would make Katniss a more effective Mockingjay, without the weight of Hijacked Peeta while opening up the potential of Peeta Mellark and Annie Cresta for D13 and the rebellion

another D13 commander who wasn't Boggs would have taken Katniss off the watch. If Katniss insulted Peeta  again on October 4th in her rotation, Boggs would have been forced to remove her from the watch on account of her "mental unsuitability." Boggs told her this at the beginning of her rotation. This would be a major step towards institutionalizing her for Coin and be an additional public humiliation for Katniss. Peeta in a sense was on the verge of chasing her off his rotation with his gun.

Peeta glaring at Katniss

"If you try anything Katniss I will blow your brains out, I've tasted human flesh before you know" that's what the expression said. It was not like the hijacked glare.  Initially, he has his gun pointed at her, combined with a feral look.

Except he isn't in an episode and his hands are both holding his gun.  It isn't the insane hatred of hijacking just a warning. He wears elastic cuffs that are loose but can tighten at the push of a button.

And on his first day he did mention that he has consumed human flesh and if he's capable of doing that then who knows what I'm capable of, that was a summary of what he said to her while they were glaring at each other. "I've eaten human flesh Katniss, so if you want to kill me, know that I am capable of far worse!"

Following Katniss having no violent PTSD attacks 

his stare looked more like this 

If Katniss wanted to kill him she would have to look straight into his gazing dead eyes to do it.

Peeta was ordered to stop pointing his gun at Katniss soon after he started. Peeta did not break eye contact and just sat staring at her with his hands on the trigger.

(If Katniss wasn't in the guard Peeta wouldn't have stopped thinking that Katniss tried to kill her in the past due to shit pre-mutated Peeta did, it was exposure therapy for Peeta who was convinced he wouldn't be triggered into episodes by Katniss’s sight  and that  Katniss wouldn't kill her by enough hours spent with Katniss without stuff happening)

Peeta decides enough is enough.

"I've tasted human flesh, seen thousands die, and I   died myself until "Peeta"  was just a name and a body,  death is a familiar friend of mine. I've seen other mutts besides myself of every variety, and am morally no different from them except for the side I now serve, I killed the clients Snow tried to sell my body with my bare hands and the blood will never dry, if you think I was horrible before my mutation, well as a mutt myself? A mutt born from the darkness, driving it to his will? There's no telling what I'm capable of if you try to kill me"

(the first thing Peeta had said to her in hours)

Katniss ran off shaken but one of the guards curtly yelled "Go back to work!" and Katniss was forced to continue her shift.

Finnick confronts Peeta

Finnick admonished him for making Annie shiver and Peeta apologized profusely, Finnick tried to assure Peeta that Katniss was not a threat. Peeta was unconvinced but said she was clearly threatened by him justified or not and his past before all this meant she could be set off at any moment, she had tried to kill him in the past and her lover Gale attacked him on sight, when he simply wanted to thank him for his role in his rescue. Peeta also pointed out that  Katniss has never once said "I'm not going to kill you" and just tries to say what she thinks is cutting things back not even denying it, he said she's actually amusing but that this also speaks for itself.  Even if he's a threat that's yet another reason to be vigilant, she's not a trained soldier, just a scared frightened child overcompensating to show everyone otherwise and when her fear became overwhelming she would try to kill him. He ranted loud enough that the squads could hear him and concluded that both her legs would be blown off and any response would be nonlethal but if the arrow hit him he would take her down with him.  As Peeta ranted these things.

Katniss reveals that she never wanted to kill him.

Katniss returned to her watch unnoticed and got Peeta's attention when she promised not to kill him,  and said she had never wanted to only when she thought he was helping the careers. 

It was only Katniss crying and saying with conviction that she never wanted to kill him that convinced him otherwise.

Peeta did not let her break eye contact and pointed his gun at her while Katniss loaded her bow, before being told to put it down. Peeta stared at her, his eyes daring her to shoot him, and he didn't allow her to look at anything else. Katniss was sweating, while Peeta's face was unchanging, would this be a daily occurrence? she asked herself. Peeta finally broke the silence and told her "I ate human flesh Katniss."

Her anxiety increased so much that she ran off and took deep breaths, panting "No, no!" Peeta complained to Finnick about how Katniss wanted to kill her. Katniss had enough and told Peeta she had no intention of killing him. Peeta looked surprised and relieved and assured Katniss that he felt the same way, his eyes no longer filled with anger and fear and he allowed Katniss to break eye contact with him. With Peeta's cannibalism revealed Katniss had never been more determined to kill Snow.

Peeta stops messing with her.

He was at least willing to give her a chance, when it came to her who knew what was true or false?  Would he ever know, he isn't even sure he actually loved her before his hijacking? He still was suspicious but if she was saying she never wanted to kill him maybe that meant she had no intention of killing him in a PTSD episode now. Katniss also seemed calmer after she didn't look like she was going to kill him she looked sad but not afraid. She clearly just wanted to be on his guard just like the rest of the squad. Upon observing her she didn't seem like the type of person who used deception to murder, nor was she a very good liar. Peeta was an expert on lies both in telling them and spotting them, his bullshit detector or gut told him she was telling the truth. His mutation wish was that he would be honest from now on. There's no reason she wouldn't have a PTSD attack after his cannibalism comment yet she didn't try to kill him over that.

"I consider myself something of an expert in lies both in telling them and revealing them, this knowledge survived safely in the part of my brain that stores fear, it's called the amygdala. So, What you're saying rings true to me, you most likely never tried to kill me, you just want to be on my rotation. Well for what it's worth given that I'm well (Peeta chuckles) me, I have no intention or desire to murder you whatsoever,becuase it's what the capitol wants. They want the murder of an innocent girl whos only crime was to be sucked into their sick games, and they created me to be their weapon I was there when it happened. I think you're very brave to be on this rotation, given our past (Peeta puts his hands around his throat as he says the word "past") I would understand if you were scared enough to shoot me out of fear, not like you would, I'm just surprised you didn't lose it when I mentioned the yummy capitol cuisine. You weren't overwhelmed with the urge to kill this cannibal flesh-eating mutt like I expected"

Something snapped inside Katniss at being triggered like this She said "If you're not careful I will cook you myself".

Disarmed Peeta laughed hysterically, finding what she said funny. Annie also laughed.

Katniss did not laugh and just felt shame for what she said even though Peeta did not take it badly at all.

Peeta first said "I'm sure I taste like.... Oh Katniss, sorry I didn't mean to I just have a weird sense of humor about my capital fun times, I wasn't insulting you"

Katniss saw no strength whatsoever though, just the echoes of unspeakable evil done to Peeta in the capitol.   Peeta, just to be safe or out of habit, continued to stare at Katniss but without glaring at her or threatening her, he is bewildered. This later ceased as well.

Deep discussions

"You mean it never happened"

"Nope it happened, I remember it vividly, it's just in some sick sense funny and it defines me, distinguishes me and I'll never forget it, the taste of all that flesh, I can't ever undo it either. Just like I can't undo your throat being smashed...

The blood on my hands will never dry!!" Peeta's eyes become even more distant than before. Peeta did not sound sad but insane like he was driven mad by the experience. Peeta cackled afterwards a dead look in one eye and an insane look in another. Katniss knew then and there that Snow really had made Peeta eat human meat.

"But I am strong, I crossed the uncrossable and I'm still here with a strength smelted in fire!"

Katniss thinks of pressing the incapacitator. "Snow made Peeta into a cannibal! Why? She looks right in front of her and sees Peeta's face and right away knows the answer. "Peeta already answered my question when she thinks of what Peeta just said:  "The blood on my hands will never dry!" Rage courses through her.   Before Katniss could respond and say that it was the capitol that did this to him or press the incapacitator it was time to begin target practice.

Peeta had rashes on his body and was wincing taking deep breaths.

Katniss touches Peeta

Katniss impulsively grabbed Peeta's hand pushing him out of his daze, this was the first time Katniss had touched Peeta since the quarter quell, Peeta immediately got up to go to target practice.

Concept: Katniss touching Peeta's wart It would probably be painful/complex for Katniss as well. The fear both have Katniss of getting attacked, Peeta of his demons and of Katniss would be mutual. However, if they both think they are strangers to each other then what impact would physical touch for grounding have? They can probably tell themselves it was just for grounding.

Though, wouldn't both have painful emotional responses at the memory of each other's touch? (they could both disassociate those memories, did Peeta reclaim any memories from the memory of her touch? He would have vague memories of it being relaxing so the touch itself would not be as much of a problem but what that touch means. Positive physical sensations but negative emotional associations along with curiosity("I touch Peeta's wart"). He probably remembered the physical sensations of multiple memories where they held hands but separated them from the rest of the memories like where Peeta remembers what he wears but does not touch the memories of Katniss out of fear of episodes. So the memories of Katniss's hands would be less blurry.

As for Katniss touching Peeta, it would be when Peeta is deep in an episode, at least the first time. It would only happen a couple of times, besides Peeta seeing a hand and grabbing it in another time. Peeta feels great shame for feeling calmed by Katniss's touch.

Peeta grabbed Katniss's hand so hard that she could not let go, when his rashes temporarily increased Peeta squeezed even harder then all the rashes disappeared but Peeta gave her a conflicted look when he returned to the here and now.  Peeta noticed that Katniss was stroking his hair with her other hand.

In the next break, Peeta began painting his prosthetic leg and began

Peeta corrects the symbolic grave

Peeta writes a more recent note: There is no evidence that she tried to kill me, or wants to kill me presently she says she didn't the only time was when I had her treed, the late Peeta must have deemed victory more important than his infatuation with Katniss, he tried to team up with the careers, he clearly did not love Katniss at all, it appears that he tried to do a Haymitch and take out the career pack solo, once Katniss was needed he played along with the Star Crossed Lovers. I wouldn't be surprised if Katniss regrets her failure to kill me but the star-crossed lovers brought her home to Gale and I commend the late Peeta for making that possible.

Peeta's interest in Katniss increases

Once Peeta realizes that Katniss is not going to be consigned to his memories he wants to ease some of the discomfort involved in their interactions. He also finds Katniss confusing. He feels guilty for thinking this but he wants to know who the "real" Katniss is, the person who is the person who he shares lunches with and sees every day? He thinks Katniss is a stranger but he still has an urge to know who she is even if it isn't relevant to his life. "Why doesn't Katniss hate him?" He has a sense that he has no right to know that he's going to trigger either an episode or restraining order but he thinks just be careful. He also has written off finding the truth about her in his memories so he attempts to get an accurate picture of her in the present.

Peeta assumes that everything in his memory is false. His operating assumption is that his memory barely constitutes such.

Peeta stops trying to ignore Katniss and shuts her out of his mind (before whenever he found his brain thinking of Katniss he got upset he took deep breaths and tried to wash his hands and name 5 things he saw. 4 things he did etc.

He had a sudden sense that if he knew who Katniss was in the present he could sort his memories without looking at them. He uncovered various details from his memories and wrote them down in his journal as well as wrote down any observations. He was already documenting everything he did to prevent his memories from being taken from him again. In between every activity in training, he took notes of everything he did. He assumed that any information about Katniss would cause confusion if left in his head. By putting them to paper he could capture the information. Though he has pages for everyone he knows.

Though Peeta has notes on everything he documents everything he eats for example.

Prior to this, he had refused to add any notes about Katniss when she came up in descriptions with other people; he didn't write her name but put a red X to refer to her instead. Even his list of guards on his rotation had her marked by an ugly red X. Katniss once stared at Peeta and was at an angle where she could see what he was writing, they were announcing Peeta's rotation and she saw Peeta mark her with a big red X.

In the corner of her eye, Katniss saw Peeta write her name multiple times.

Peeta's hallucinations

Even with all the hallucinations that the twin assassin mutts know aren't real still appear even when not in an episode to cope Peeta sketches them and Annie creates rich textual descriptions. All are on watch for hallucinations of jackers and bubbles. Katniss on guard probably nags Peeta and is not interested in Peeta's hallucinations. She dies inside when she sees Peeta like this and seeing images of capital horrors would be something she would avoid. She would be interested and look at what Peeta is drawing but she would not ask questions and would pretend she is indifferent but those images would stay in her head.

She saw mutt versions of herself, serpent versions, many drawings of her neck, and snippets from Peeta's memories, like random people and things from 12, images of her being intimate with Gale in his drawings. Some images of her were explicit but Peeta drew all sorts of things, of all different kinds.

Boggs and Coin

Would revealing that Katniss never wanted to kill Peeta cross the line for Coin?

The delusion and gut instinct were driving Peeta to glare at Katniss and not let her break eye contact with him so the result of Peeta not doing that might prevent Katniss from getting a restraining order though she would be on thin ice for this and probably receiving a warning. But Boggs would do everything to prevent Katniss from getting In trouble and to let it slide just this once.

Boggs said she did a great job in her watch, seeing Peeta like this must have been hard for her. 

Mental deterioration

Sleep nightmares

Katniss does begin eating with Odesta and Peeta who stops shutting her out after he tries to thank Gale for his role in his rescue and says Katniss isn't doing so well. Gale says that he is the one hurting Katniss and tries to punch him in the face but gets curb-stomped by Peeta. Katniss is then exposed to Peeta's time in the capitol. It gets better when she at least has Odesta and Peeta who are sorry for her and want to help, but she is exposed to more suffering.

Peeta stops shutting her out.

Finnick Annie and Peeta convinces Katniss to eat with them. Even if Peeta is no longer insulting her would she want to eat or is she lonely enough she is lethargic so would she care? Maybe she wants to avoid being institutionalized. Or they simply check up on her for 10 minutes and leave.

Peeta's demeanor is different, like he is sorry for her; she hates being given baked goods and Peeta's charity. When Odesta and Peeta leave the room she throws it across the room and sobs. Johanna refuses to clean it up and rudely tells her to clean it. Katniss is disgusted that many of the baked goods smell like morphling. In the following days, Finnick insists on going to the room where she is, he brings Peeta and Annie. Katniss does not throw them out and silently eats the food. (Odesta and Peeta essentially become what Graesy Sae was when Katniss was lethargic in 12)

(Peeta just does not want to hate on Katniss he does not  automatically want to be friends with her, he wants to stop treating her like crap)

Katniss lost her appetite but went through the motions of eating.

Katniss has nightmares as she sleeps.

She notices Johanna sleeping with headphones. Johanna notices her staring and says "This is so I can sleep without hearing you scream about loverboy"

[smittenvixen13]

My Top 50 favorite FanFics

These are not in order I am more likely to read, they're in order of chaos. Different fandoms are all listed here and these are only 50 in....i think like 3000 fanfics i've saved over my years on the internet, enjoy! ~

1.) “Chibana’s Emporium” by FrostKitten, part of their Witchtober 2021 series (link) (BNHA) 2.) “Il Dulce” by honeybodies, part of their Mafia!!! On Ice series (link) (Yuri!!! On Ice) (implied NSFW) 3.) “Honesty” by pandao13 (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 4.) “In for a Penny” by WolfsHowl5678 (link) (BNHA) 5.) “Second Chances” by ylc (link) (Good Omens) 6.) “If We’ve Got Nothing (We’ve Got Us)” by Kedreeva (link) (Good Omens) 7.) “Redefining Heroism” by ghostedmemory, part of their Brain Over Brawn series (link) (BNHA) 8.) “Raised in the Underground” by SocialNobody (link) (BNHA) 9.) “Five Minutes” by P_Artsypants (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 10.) “Customized Shoes” by Athygy (link) (BNHA) 11.) “How to get away with murder(ing Lielas)” by M-acln (R_RK) (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 12.) “blinding leaps or faith” by GuardianKarenTerrier (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 13.) “Don’t Let Me Let You Go” by SailorChibi (link) (Miraculous Ladybug)

14.) “The String That Binds Us” by FaithAndATypeWriter (link) (Miraculous Ladybug/Batman Media) (INCOMPLETE) 15.) “The First Step to Recovery is Poor Impulse Control” by Foxquills (link) (BNHA) 16.) “Stepping Side by Side” by schrijverr, part of their Steps of Us series  (link) (BNHA) 17.) “Salvage” by MuffinLance (link) (Avatar the Last Airbender) 18.) “My Neighbor Shouta-ro” by Hound_of_Heaven (link) (BNHA) 19.) “Deku just uploaded: You can be a Hero!!” by iarrelm, part of their Youtuber Deku AU series (link) (BNHA) 20.) “MindJack ASMR: ComfortAudio (M4A) - Cuddle with me” by Erasercat95, part of the MindJack ASMR series (link) (BNHA) 21.) “View From the Patrol Car” by Gracefully (link) (Twilight Saga) 22.) “The Fiercest Ones Wear Pink” by quicksilversquared (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 23.) “Forward March” by lostchildofthenewworld (link) (Twilight Saga) (INCOMPLETE) 24.) “Unexpected” by XueYangsLeftPinky (link) (Twilight Saga) (a few NSFW chapters) 25.) “i walked, i ran (i jumped, i flew)” by reachingforthestardust (link) (BNHA) 26.) “Romeo and Romeo” by supercrunch (link) (BNHA) 27.) “Breaking: Local Man Leaves Apartment for Eggs, Returns with Child” by S_C_G, part of their Breaking: Local Couple Obtains Child series (link) (BNHA) 28.) “rip out those wings, darling” by kewltie (link) (BNHA) 29.) “The Contingency” by AbyssalGuardian, part of their The Contingency And Its Various Outtakes series (link) (Miraculous Ladybug/Batman media) 30.) “The Teacher Chat” by Itslivybear, part of their The Teacher Chat series (link) (BNHA) 31.) “Tell me How to Breathe in and Feel no Hurt” by MxrBoneless (link) (Avatar the Last Airbender) 32.) “You Don’t Have to Burn Alone” by GinnyRose, part of their Zuko Omegaverse series (link) (Avatar the Last Airbender) 33.) “Trust Falls” by EmbeddedinAmber, part of their Trust Feels a lot like Falling (Villain Reform AU) series (link) (BNHA) 34.) “Seduction Gone Wrong (Or Right?)” by FeelingDeadly (link) (BNHA) 35.) “One Man’s Trash is Another Man’s Son” by TheFoggyLondonView, part of their Eraserhead and his Feral Dumpster Child series (link) (BNHA) 36.) “On The Prowl” by ghostgirl19 (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 37.) “cause our hearts are locked forever” SailorChibi (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 38.) “Thick Thighs Save Lives” by theseathemoonandthestars (link) (BNHA) 39.) “It’s Called Polyamory” by Arktron66 (link) (BNHA) 40.) “The Train” by Miimaas (link) (BNHA) 41.) “The Gods Have Arised” by wawaka (link) (BNHA) 42.) “Secret Santa” by Thelastpilot (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 43.) “Someone like you, Someone like me” by Innkerfuffle, part of their Standing with an Army series (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 44.) “Rainy Days” by Thelastpilot (link) (Miraculous Ladybug) 45.) “A Lesson in Omegaverse” by ContraryBee (link) (BNHA) (a bit of NSFW at the end) 46.) “Hell Hath No Fury” by LandofWordsandNonsense (Lieutenant_Nonsense) (link) (BNHA) 47.) “A Nanny? In MY Summoning Circle” by pukner (link) (Good Omens) 48.) “Petals in a Storm” by KatcadeCascade (DreamWings231) (link) (Avatar the Last Airbender) 49.) “You’re (We’re) Not Alone Anymore” by minishadowsoul, part of their Family Means Your Problems Are Our Problems series (link) (Descendants) 50.) “Tag, You’re It” by River_Nix , part of their Deku-Centric: Omegaverse series (link) (BNHA)