#This is all factual i tasted them myself

[ben-adryl]

Top gem i would eat from each category:

Red: Bixbite- literally a pink jolly rancher

Orange: Moonstone- Malted milk ball

Yellow: Honey Calcite- Honey flavored, plus points for the pretty facets

Green: Crysophase- swallowing it like a pill

Blue: Lapis Lazuli- It's giving cadbury egg

Purple: Tourmaline- I refuse to belive that is not just a picture of a dragonfruit hidden among the gems, 10/10

Pink: Pink Opal- Jellybean!

Baby Pink: Morganite- Beautiful, Probs a glass like texture

Brown: Topaz- Orange flavored ring pop

Black: Black Jet- For everyone whose ever wanted to eat rubber, this is it

Grey: Agate- would have been Black Rutile but the string shapes inside look like they would get stuck in my teeth

White: Rainbow Moonstone- Look at it! Probably vanilla flavored

Bi colored gems: Amethyst- It looks like the ace flag, otherwise it's Sapphire cause of the blue and yellow combo

Tourmalines: Bi colored- It looks like it's got the texture of a gummy worm

Topaz's: Sky blue- idk why

Labradorite: Yellow- Like a Madeline cookie but more colors

By LabradoriteKing on Pinterest

[astonmartinii]

friendship bracelets | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

charles' gf is beloved in the fandom for her love for frienship bracelets

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, charles_leclerc and 341,874 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: charles fell asleep mid craft session :(

view all comments

user3: she's everything, he's just ken

charles_leclerc: this is a false narrative, i was just resting my eyes and not allowing myself to distract you from your hard work

yourusername: i'd say you're a man of the people but your snoring is something else

charles_leclerc: I DO NOT SNORE TAKE THAT BACK

danielricciardo: i've taken enough flights with you charlie to confirm that you do in fact snore

charles_leclerc: i am being stabbed in the back so many times today you hate to see it

user4: i'm going to spa, guarantee me a friendship bracelet and i'll back you

charles_leclerc: done ✅

user4: charles marc herve perceval leclerc has factually NEVER snored in his entire life and any allegations that he has are both slanderous and libellous and you will be DEALT WITH IN A COURT OF LAW

yourusername: ummm what?

charles_leclerc: what colour bracelet do you want?

user5: what in the everloving fuck just happened?

lilymunhe: anyhow... y/n you are so sexy

yourusername: right back at you baby ;)

daniel3.jpeg

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 489,034 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, yourusername

daniel3.jpeg: this friendship bracelet business is serious stuff, also charles and y/n being gross as usual

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user6: fuck romeo and juliet i want what these bitches have

yourusername: daniel do not underestimate the power of the friendship bracelets

danielricciardo: oh i'm not doubting it i saw a girl ignore me, jump across the hood of my car just to get one

yourusername: i mean i'm pretty sure that girl broke a toe, i paid for her health insurance

landonorris: people are breaking toes for these things?

yourusername: it was not the intent on my behalf, i just wanted a sister/brotherhood among fans

user7: don't make them so cute then

charles_leclerc: what do you mean gross? daniel, can i not be happily in love?

danielricciardo: i am happy for you charles but if i have to hear you break out in a sonnet about the smell of y/n's perfume or the colour of her eyes i will pull my hair out

yourusername: what hair?

danielricciardo: ????

yourusername: sorry i admit that was a low blow from me

user8: is that charles taking a pic of y/n in the last one?

yourusername: yes my lovely lil photographer

f1

liked by maxverstappen1, scuderiaferrari and 1,403,874 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, yourusername

f1: make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid ✨ y/n and charles arrived at spa this weekend with the friendship bracelets that are coveted by f1 fans!

view all comments

user11: all the loser men in this comment section making fun of these don't understand how much of a stan FLEX it is to have one of these

user12: no jokes if i see someone with one this weekend i'm offering them out on the spot

user13: i literally only put mine on after the race when i got home cause i was so scared it would get stolen

alexalbon: cringey faves

yourusername: are you still annoyed i ran out last race before you could get one?

alexalbon: why did lily get one before me :(((

lilymunhe: girlies first

yourusername: what lily said

user14: all jokes aside the whole friendship bracelet thing has been great for creating a sense of belonging for girls in this sport and i can't thank y/n enough for giving us something that is uniquely ours in f1

yourusername: that honestly makes me so so happy, girls get a tough ride in all sports, but esp in f1 and i wanted to find a way to bring us all together and i actually wanted to ask if the girls (and guys) wanted to start making our own and start exchanging them at races :)

f1: we back this !!

charles_leclerc: lift the jewellery ban so i can wear mine in the car

yourusername: i can't allow you to put that extra weight in the car the sf-23 needs all the help it can get

scuderiaferrari: :((((

user15: LOOOOOOOOOL

yourusername

liked by mickschumacher, charles_leclerc and 509,871 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: my heart is so full. first, charlie back on the podium where he deserves to be, i'm so proud my love, you'll be back to winning ways soon. second, MY GIRLS. words cannot express how happy i was to see you all exchanging bracelets and making new friends! i also received so many from you which will all go in my collection at home. safe journeys back and see you guys after the summer break.

view all comments

user16: it really is the summer of the girls and barbie

user17: i've literally never felt more included at a gp before, so many girls just introduced themselves to each other and i made so many new friends :))))

charles_leclerc: thank you cheri, i love you always

yourusername: you deserve everything my love

charles_leclerc: also thank you everyone for the friendship bracelets, we got given enough for the entire ferrari garage has one as well as everyone who worked in paddock club this weekend!! keep spreading the love <3

user18: never have i ever loved a couple more than these two

user19: i am allowing my parasocial relationship to go wild rn

danielricciardo: thank you for starting this y/n even if i thought it was a bit silly to start with but my arms are full and i'm FEELING the love

maxverstappen1: same here, p is enjoying all her new bracelets 🧡

charles_leclerc

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 908,673 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: back on the podium - i'm very happy with that, the best way to go into the summer! thank you for all of your support ❤️

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user20: my king right there

user21: the rocketships don't count so p1 in my heart

yourusername: prince of monaco doing prince of monaco things

charles_leclerc: makes sense since you're my princess

landonorris: GAG

yourusername: let us be cute, be lonely on your own time

scuderiaferrari: proud of you charles

yourusername: build a better car i beg

user22: speaking for all of us

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,098,673 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: suprised her with a trip to paradise and she's still making friendship bracelets

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user23: they're both so sexy i can't

yourusername: i love you but you can't take the hobby out of the girl

user24: she loves us too much to stop now

yourusername: they're not wrong ....

charles_leclerc: you love me the most though, right?

yourusername: of course!!

user25: oh to be them

pierregasly: invite lost in the mail i see

charles_leclerc: literally the romantic trip you helped me plan?

pierregasly: i still i want you to take me for pasta dinners?

yourusername: back off frenchie

note: ENJOY, i kinda love this but let me know what you think - i am getting to requests but this popped into my head and i had to write it before i forgot

[lacryem]

— A surprisingly long and in depth look about symbolism in the recent G-Fantasy cover by Yana Toboso ✦

Including references, flower language, how to decode the meaning of flowers, and a little too much brainrot. As well my personal interpretation drawn from all the sources I looked at. And of course what all of means (and maybe hints at?) for Sebastian and Ciel… and maybe even Sebaciel? 

Originally posted as a twitter thread, but threads suck and I forgot a couple things. so here now.

Disclaimer :

I don’t know FOR SURE that all these things were directly referenced by Yana when creating this art. But being a fan of her work for over a decade I've become familiar with her use of symbolism and reference, and believe myself to have a good eye for it at this point!   I'm also pretty familiar with the use of flower language, including different languages, due to having been involved in a project about it and having to read wayyy too much about this. 

Some of it also includes my own personal interpretation, but the meanings and info I based myself off of ARE factual. I think I made it pretty clear when referencing my personal interpretation. You're welcome to reach your own interpretation based off of the stuff provided!

And lastly, I'm not a sebaciel shipper. I'm not an anti (the complete opposite, actually) and have nothing against the ship, I like the narrative around them and how they're written but I don’t actively ship them romantically or sexually. So I'd say this is actually a pretty unbiased interpretation. Personal taste is one thing, but I don’t deny the author's intention and whats written in front of me! That is what this post is about.

Kuroshitsuji takes place in the Victorian period (1837~1901) in 1889.

The following are both important Victorian books on the language of flowers that I will be basing myself off of.

Language of Flowers by Greenaway Kate (1884), and The Language of flowers: An Alphabet of Floral Emblems (1857).

(Also, I’m treating Ciel’s rose as a deep red rose. Which is a bit different than red roses. But I am adding some relevant information about roses in general, anyway.

Now, on what they say about these flowers.

Deep rose, meaning "bashful shame". White lily, meaning "Purity and sweetness."

— The White Lily

Most people assume that the lily refers to Ciel's purity, and that’s a fair assumption. But I disagree. 

Firstly, the one holding the lily is Sebastian. Holding it on his right hand, tilted towards the right. However what's relevant here is the VIEWER. From the viewer's POV he's holding it to the left. Note he also holds the scissors on his left hand, where he bears HIS contract seal.

How you hold a flower, what position you give it to someone in, changes the meaning of the flower. These context clues are very important. It tells us that 'purity and sweetness' doesn’t refer to Ciel, but actually refers to Sebastian (…sorta).

This may be a little confusing. Purity and sweetness, Sebastian?! I know, I know. bear with me.

These books provide poems to help us understand how you may interpret the intended meaning. The lily poem is about enduring trials out of love because of the purity and sweetness he sees in his lover's eyes and soul. I believe Yana directly references the poems I will include in this post in her new artwork.

— My Interpretation

the meaning of Sebastian's lily is:

"I do all out of love for the sweetness and purity within you."

Him holding it to the contact seal and cutting the flower could stand for him destroying this sentiment (affection within himself) that has arisen in him as a result of their contract by destroying the sweetness and purity—the source of it—within Ciel (consuming his soul).

Note: This is debatable, as 'reversed' almost always means upside down. But if you consider the lily facing away from the viewer as reversed then it could mean "impurity and bitterness" which fits pretty well with Ciel, and it being held against the contract seal which is a physical representation of his impurity, brought on by his bitterness.

— The Deep Red Rose

There something I find very interesting. The rose is in a teacup, standing in for tea (I think there's even tea alongside it in the cup.) From Yana herself we know that Sebastian's eyes are a reference to the reddish brown colour of tea.

Like I said, I believe this rose to be a deep red rose, which is a bit more specific than the meaning given to red roses. However I think the poem included for roses in general very much applies here.

I was going to add my thoughts but I found this interpretation that sums it up pretty well if you replace the carpe diem theme with a more "running out of time" or "impending death" theme, which seems to be a more accurate reading for this artwork.

Looking at the rose itself, it has no thorns or leaves.

It is not a youthful rose as its already fully open and losing petals. "No hope, and no fear" fits with the poem, the rose is basically an hourglass referring to Ciel. His fate is unavoidable, but this isn't a deterrent. He's dancing on the ledge.

The deep red rose means 'bashful shame'.

When you compare it to the lily, which is a direct proclamation, the deep red rose is a quiet confession one cannot verbalize.

Debatable, to be fair but given the tie in to Sebastian's eye colour and the fact that he is always the one pouring tea for Ciel, I believe the Sebastian to be the speaker here too, but this time speaking on Ciel's feelings (Hence why he's the one holding it) rather than Sebastian's own. 

— My Interpretation

The meaning of the deep red rose Ciel holds, speaking about Ciel's feelings of guardedness, and in response saying:

"Abandon your bashful shame, and let yourself be admired without expectations (hope) or fear"

Sebastian speaks about Ciel's feelings, the deep red rose acknowledges his feelings but they remain unspoken.

The Waller poem is a plead for his beloved to seize the day, for time is short, and allow herself to be loved completely. 

Her beauty is one to be appreciated, she is not meant to be a rose unacknowledged (unloved) in the desert.

Regarding 'expectations', I think this is more about rigid ideas of how 'appreciation' or 'admiration, might be shown or received. Sebastian and Ciel's relationship defies normality or 'expectations'. So this, too, would defy expectations a young boy like Ciel, or a traumatised boy like Ciel, may have.

From Yana herself, we know Sebastian's dedication and how highly he holds 'beauty', specifically Ciel's beauty.

The author of the poem proclaims that beauty not appreciated is not beautiful indeeed, and so he calls his beloved to come to him and be appreciated wholly during the invaluable, limited time they have.

We see the deep red rose's petals fall away, in my opinion not only symbolising the withering away of time, but also the crumbling away of this "bashful shame" that Sebastian ascribes to Ciel.

How Sebastian wishes to "appreciate" this beauty is debatable. How he wants to "admire" and "desire" (per the poem) Ciel is rather open ended. Wether it be in a romantic way, a sexual way or by consuming his soul.

However, I don’t think these are mutually exclusive. And consuming Ciel can easily be a metaphor for the former two. 

— The Lily and The Rose

The Greeneaway book has this poem which im sure was directly referenced. This poem speaks about the lily and the rose in a direct power struggle and fight for dominance, until they eventually unite and reign as one.

Now when speaking about this "union", you could say it refers to their contract, but I don’t think so.

The contract ties them to each other, but it doesn’t necessarily unite them. So I believe 'unity' to be about the appreciation Sebastian speaks of Ciel opening up to. 

"The Lily" and "The Rose" might be interpreted as directly representing Sebastian and Ciel, and the unity that would come from them joining and becoming a truly complimentary pair. I think a power struggle and fight for being the one in control is very accurate way to describe their current dynamic in canon.

It may also be interpreted as "The Lily" and "The Rose" as being representations of their feelings and ideals previously. And then it would represent these two conflicting expressions—a loud  unrelenting and destructive devotion, and a guarded, bashful, unspoken reluctance— coming together and turning from conflicting to complimentary. 

Or as it tends to be with these things, both!

Either way all of this is expressed under the sense of impending doom created by their circumstances and the contract. So there's a sense of urgency permeating all of it.

Also clear to me is a sense of internal conflictedness coming from Sebastian's message that is usually only hinted at like this, and some people end up overlooking.

Sebastian desires Ciel deeply, but having him would also mean not being able to have him anymore.

Sebastian is torn and that’s why he attempts to cut the root of his wavering feelings represented by the lily. 

All of this makes me wonder about what's next, and if we will see these things said more blatantly. Foreshadowing with flower language and references like this, isn't exactly rare for Yana. I wonder if we will see this 'unity' come to be, and what necessary development Sebastian and Ciel will need to undergo to make it possible. As well as what shape it will take.

I also wonder very much about Ciel's perspective in all of this, as this was almost entirely from Sebastian's POV, but I think that's intentional. Ciel has his own goals and a lot on his mind. Sebastian's goal IS Ciel. So I assume he spends a lot more time thinking about Ciel and this kind of thing.

Thank you if you read the whole way through. Like I said before, even though the sources defending it are, my interpretation is not law and you're welcome to reach your own with the things presented.

Links for sources, including free public domain PDFs of the books mentioned are found at the end of my twitter thread.

— Thanks for reading! —

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I was given oral herpes by someone who didn't feel the need to disclose that they got cold sores before we had a one-time little dalliance.

I might've gone for it anyways. I'm self destructive. But I guess the lack of being able to choose whether to take the risk, it's left me feeling pretty bitter about the experience.

And I'm left feeling like a biohazard. I haven't really been able to explain to my friends yet why I'm suddenly extremely cagey about sharing my drinks and food. And all my favorite sexual activities are off the table forever. I know, dental dams, condoms, but half the fun of oral sex and making out is, you know, the taste, the heat, the absolute control. I was good at it.

It feels especially embarrassing since I'm ace and the whole reason I hooked up with the person was kind of... I don't know, fear that if I didn't, then we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe, was it wrong for them not to disclose something like that? Considering how common it is? I feel obligated to disclose myself but maybe I'm just weird for that.

Thanks for doing what you do here.

Kind regards,

Asexual for Ethical Reasons Now I Guess

hi anon,

I don't often apologize for needing time to get to anons, because I really need people to have reasonable expectations about the amount of time I'm willing to commit to my inbox, but I am sorry for not getting to this one sooner. it's a topic that's very important to me, and I can tell you're dealing with a lot of hurt.

first off: I'm very sorry someone wasn't totally honest with you. that's never a good feeling, and especially in the context of sex it's a huge betrayal of trust. it's deeply unfair to you, and I hope you're able to recover from that.

having said that: you are not a biohazard. you're a person with an incredibly common virus. the World Health Organization estimates that somewhere around 80% of people worldwide have herpes (and that's a rough estimate, since they use different age ranges for HSV-1 and HSV-2). skip to the factual part of this tiktok at 00:10 seconds. herpes has been with us since before we were human; there's nothing disgusting or even unusual about having herpes.

herpes is different from most STIs in that it is lifelong, but that doesn't make you an unfuckable pariah. it makes you someone who may sometimes have open sores, and should give partners a heads up about your virus to avoid putting anyone in the same situation you're in. while you're at it, let them know that most people with herpes live asymptomatic and uncomplicated lives. many people never even know they have it!

I understand that spending the rest of your life with a viral buddy doesn't sound super fun right now, but I promise that as viruses go you can do WAY worse.

personally I've always felt the best way to get comfortable with something is to learn more about it. why not let clinical sexologist Dr. Doe talk to you about her own herpes, and how to be conscientious about minimizing the risk of sharing herpes with others?

or listen to writer Ella Dawson talk about learning to cope with the exact stigma you're currently struggling with?

or listen to Dr. Sydnee Smirl McElroy explain why herpes bears such a heavy stigma for such a mild virus in the first place?

you're not a biohazard, and neither is anyone else with an STI. that's a terrible way to think about yourself and others.

you're under no obligation to stop being sexually active if you don't want to be.

please don't feel that you have to have sex with anyone out of a sense of obligation anymore, but also please don't feel that herpes is a punishment. sickness isn't something that happens to people because they're bad or deserve, sickness happens to people because people get sick.

take care 💜

[flanaganfilm]

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

[worriedvision]

if it's okay, may i request Tighnari with the "wrong time right place" prompt?

maybe something like Tighnari beibg really stressed in Gandharva Ville for weeks on end (+ Collei's Eleazar before the Archon Quest) and not being able to reciprocate our feelings?

abd when he finally gets to us, we already have someone else taking care of us

...

I've decided to do this in a different way with how the reader moved on, kind of like Tighnari getting a taste of his own medicine. Gender neutral reader, angst.

--

Since you first saw him, you were enamoured with him. You knew he was the right guy for you, he ticked all your boxes. He was in the forest, finishing up a withering zone, and you happened to be finishing a report. You land up working with him on this report, discovering he had much to gain from your note taking and getting the Akedemiya to get on board with his ideas. You had a few meals together when working on it, and you couldn't stop your heart beating hard.

You try to make moves where appropriate, hoping to secure a relationship with him, but he doesn't bite.

"_, knock it off." Tighnari tuts one night, you asking him out for the tenth time. "Can't you take a hint? I'm not interested."

"Oh... Sorry if I made you uncomfortable..." You trail off, Tighnari turning to face you.

"You know I have lots of things on my plate due to work. I do not have the time to indulge in this." Tighnari explains. "Under different circumstances, there might have been a possibility of me accepting your confession."

"...I think I can finish this report myself." You coldly let out. "Don't worry, I won't ruin this paper because of my feelings being hurt." You reassure him, walking away.

--

When Alhaitham became the Acting Grand Sage, he decided to make you his scribe. After reading your report on the spawning areas of withering zones, as well as this being backed up by Master Tighnari in an interview, he offered you the chance to be an acting scribe until he filled all the necessary roles. Alhaitham becomes a tutor of yours, agreeing to proofread your reports and giving you useful feedback before sending you on your way to finish the report before submitting it.

After the rejection from Tighnari, you had to distract yourself with work. You fully focus on your writing, opting to remain factual and logical. You wouldn't make the same mistake as the last time like you did with Tighnari where you caught feelings that, in hindsight, he was unable to act on.

You receive requests to interview Tighnari again, and you only needed to look at the letter once to see it was sent from Tighnari himself. Shaking your head, you add these letters to a growing pile.

--

"_, it's been a while." Tighnari calls out, Cyno sitting with him. "Come, we have lots to catch up on."

You decide to walk over, not interested in wasting too much time here when you had several meetings you were due to sit in on.

"We finally got the withering zones cleared, and Collei is taking a turn for the better." Tighnari nods, making eye contact with you. "I have more time on my hands now, and I want to build up the growing relationship we had."

How rich. He told you himself that he was far too busy with work, and now its the opposite way.

"I have work to do." You simply state, leaving Tighnari and Cyno sitting there as you walk towards your first meeting area.

--

"That did not go well." Tighnari groans out, ears drooping.

"Alhaitham has that effect in people. I wouldn't take it personally." Cyno explains.

"No, they grew distant after I told them I was too busy with the withering zones." Tighnari pouts, staring at the door where you left as if you would come back in.

Cyno has to stop himself from making a terrible joke about how working on withering zones withered the relationship, seeing for Tighnari was taking you walking out.

"...I think we should skip TCG today...as much as I enjoy the game, I would rather not beat a friend who isn't mentally there." Cyno states, raising a hand to begin ordering food.

[kittyandco]

am i the only one who's literally never in my life seen someone go: "[evil character] didn't ACTUALLY(!) do the things that made them evil in the narrative (and therefore it isn't fair that everyone distrusts them)" in a non-joking way... and then chide the idea of this character improving. i'm beginning to think y'all are making things up because 1) you don't like the idea that the character can change, and you think that having the opportunity/ability to change, whether in fanon or canon, means that they're magically absolved of everything (but also let me tell you something: no one is going to want to change if no one is willing to at least understand them, if not forgive them, even if full forgiveness never comes)... in the narrative, you will see the change a character goes through in a very limited sense. there's only but so much screen time that can be dedicated to it, even if the character is from a super long series, because there are other things going on around it. there's going to be shorthand and metaphor and a few decisions they might not have made before, but that aren't fully "explained."

there's a lot of work they'll have to do after the story officially ends or before it even begins in some cases. you have to fill in the blanks with your imagination/theories/other thoughts. that's how you engage with fiction if you're at all invested. overexplaining and overcorrecting for everything that is unspoken/implied/must be inferred is how you get a very boring work.

often, what is presented in canon is ONE decision or a few MAJOR decisions that signal change. no one is expecting the other characters to be like "i automatically forgive you for every single infraction committed against us! yay!" ... personal change is a process of self-discovery and learning how to maneuver the world differently over time. learning that some of your preconceived notions might be wrong, and that there are an infinite number of ways to perceive the world overall and everything in it. and a lot of that may have been done before the character's change arc begins; and it is most definitely happening in the background.

and it would do some good if someone was willing to stick around to see the change happen and how someone who was previously thought to be the worst guy alive can actually use their abilities/personality for good (and often villains are made from loneliness; it's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, isn't it?)

again, it's all about reading/watching between the lines. what brought them here? it isn't always going to be spelled out

not every villain needs to change... but the ones that do, or that have the very potential? that's important for a lot of people (like myself) to see! and if we want to fantasize about it or write about it or hope for it, why does that offend you?

or, 2) you don't like how someone else characterizes them for a ship/AU/whatever reason they might have. it's actually fine if someone want to just write about this character not being evil anymore. that's their prerogative. the only issue you'd run into there is if someone's trying to dictate that perspective as fully factual in some way (it's important to set those parameters early in the convo). personal interpretation is an individual thing. there are SO many ways to interpret a piece of fiction and it's okay if every once in a while someone's like "i like this evil character but i like writing about them being good." it doesn't take anything away from you, the way you write or perceive the character, or their canon portrayal.

this example in particular is so NOTHING compared to what i've seen about my faves. a lot of fans can be downright offensive and hateful about my personal taste in faves, toward ME, AS A REAL PERSON WHO LIKES THEM, and that's when i start having a problem. it's important that my faves be horrid and immoral for personal reasons (and for personal reasons i like writing about them having a soft spot for something, ideally me, and having the motivation to not feel so lonely/hurt/etc. anymore and thus becoming a bit of a better person), but i couldn't care less if someone wrote them in a different way that doesn't affect me at all

[blackjackkent]

Zevlor and the two Flaming Fist always wreck absolute face (no pun intended) in this fight against the mind flayers. It's a joy to watch Zevlor set everyone on fire with Searing Smite.

Annoyingly, I had to do the fight a couple times because one little intellect devourer kept showing up late to the fight and interrupting our conversation with Zevlor afterwards. XD

"Hells. I didn't think I was going to make it."

Zevlor looks terribly drained and considerably more battered than Rakha last saw him. He manages a slight smile as he looks past her at Wyll, but it seems to take most of the energy he has left.

"The Blade of Frontiers," he murmurs. "The savior I needed, if not the one I deserved."

(A/N: LOL. Further proof that Wyll is Faerun Batman.)

Wyll smiles slightly in return, but doesn't say anything. His eyes are troubled and he watches Zevlor with a certain amount of caution.

Rakha can guess why - and it's clear that Zevlor knows it too.

"I... owe you an explanation," he says quietly. "Much more than that. But first... please..." He swallows. "The others. The ambush... tell me they survived?"

Rakha raises and lowers one shoulder in a half-shrug. She could give him some placating answer, but why? He knows his failure; he would not believe her anyway.

"Some," she says flatly. "Not all. Because of you."(*) Her tone isn't really accusatory so much as simply factual - but Zevlor flinches from it all the same.

"Somehow, I suspect it's worse than you imagine," he mutters. "Likely you heard that I broke, or froze, or some other lie kinder than the truth." There's a pause, in which he visibly squares his shoulders, a soldier providing a report that tastes bitter in his mouth.

"We were ambushed by cultists, yes," he says. "And then I heard... Her. Their false god, whispering promises in my mind..." His gaze goes distant over Rakha's shoulder. "I would be a paladin again - with a god's purpose, a god's power. Everything I needed to protect my people. And all the while, the cult tortured them. They fought, and ran, and died around me while I imagined myself their savior. By the time I regained my senses... it was too late. I did not just surrender to the Absolute. For a moment... I welcomed it."

Rakha listens in silence. Her head twinges sharply. She remembers the strange joy that filled her in the presence of that orb in the laboratory - the influence of the Absolute, overwhelming, saturating. She remembers how ready she was, in that brief moment, to surrender to its influence in exchange for a sense of peace...

And before that, she remembers the terrible night the beast almost ripped out Wyll's throat, while she watched from behind her eyes and could do nothing to stop it. In that moment, everything was rage and violence and everything that she was... was lost.

For a moment... I welcomed it.

She knows the same failings Zevlor speaks of. Mental surrender. Loss of control. And, just as she did with Madeline in the ritual circle out in the dark, she wants to lash out at him, and in doing so, lash out at herself.

But Wyll stopped her, with Madeline. Is this justice? he asked her. Is there purpose?

Zevlor was not in control of himself at the ambush. She was not in control of herself that night in camp. Wyll... Wyll has not turned away from her for it...

"It sounds like you were enthralled," she mutters haltingly. "It's... not your fault."

It's not your fault.

She is sure she can sense Zevlor's response as clearly as she hears it in her own mind. Then whose is it?

"It would be nice to think so," he says, with the same flatness to his voice as to her own. "But whatever these monsters twist us into... I believe it begins in us."

It is Rakha's turn to flinch, to look away. He cannot know how those words cut her to the heart. He doesn't mean the beast, of course, only the tadpoles... but they are both flavors of the same poison.

Maybe he's right, and there is no distinction between her and the things in her head after all.

"I won't make excuses," Zevlor goes on, too caught up in his own turmoil to notice hers. "I can't make amends. But I know something of what you came to do. I want to help, if you'll let me. Ketheric is below. He thinks you're no longer a menace. Descend and show him how wrong he is. If there are any more survivors to be found, I'll find them - and lead them out of this place."

Rakha shrugs. She doesn't care what he does. She has far too many other things occupying her mind. "Fine," she mutters. "Good luck, Zevlor."

"And you, my friend," Zevlor says gravely. "And pathetic, inadequate as it is... thank you."

-----

He turns and walks away, deeper into the flesh-lined corridor beyond. Rakha watches him go and then straightens her gloves with a sudden, forceful jerk.

Wyll is watching her. Perhaps he has some inkling of what is going on in her mind, because he puts a hand on her arm and starts to speak. "Rakha--"

She jerks her arm away from him. "He said Ketheric is still further below," she says curtly. "Keep moving."

------

(*) Slight artistic license here to truncate Rakha's line to be more her speaking style. The full line is: "Some. Others ended up in a cell in Moonrise. That's on you." Honestly the oddest thing about the line options here is all of them seem to indicate that more people survived than actually did. There's no option, for instance, to mention that all the kids except Mol are gone.

[runningfrom2am]

the sea around us; chapter five

TW: emetophobia, vomiting

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

I excused myself from everyone as they were talking about what to do now that JJ has blown our chances at "laying low", deciding to walk home. I grabbed my cooler backpack with my twelve-pack in it, which I didn't even end up touching, and trudged down the road.  JJ didn't plan on shooting anyone, I know that about him. He would never. The fact that he would hold a loaded gun to my brother's head though, did catch me off guard. I felt sick, oh god, I have about fifteen seconds before I start hurling my guts out on the side of the road- I don't know if it is the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed or the image of my brother with a gun to his head that's making me this nauseous.

I stop and lean away from the road as I start throwing up, holding my hair back with one hand, and resting the other on my knee. After a couple of minutes, I see headlights coming towards me. Awesome. I wipe off my mouth on my arm and stand up, I think I'm done puking my guts out now anyways. I keep walking, reaching into my bag and cracking another drink, hoping to rinse out my mouth and then finish it to keep myself from fully settling into sobriety and realizing the weight of the situation. Of course, I understand how serious what just happened was, but I can tell it hasn't really hit me yet.

The car rolls to a stop next to me as I'm spitting out the swig of Twisted Tea I used to wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth, and I look up as I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey, Snowy, you alright?" Topper. Sarah is in the passenger seat with him, arms crossed, looking straight at the road ahead of her.

"Hi Topper," I say, giving an awkward wave. "You didn't happen to see me hurling my guts out just now, did you?" I try and joke, knowing that of course, they saw.

"Uh, maybe just the tail end. Would you like a ride?" Sarah sighs and leans her head back against the seat as he says this. I've never had a real problem with Sarah personally, but I can understand why she'd be pissed at me now.

"I should be fine, only about five k's to the chateau," I say, a ride would be sweet, but I don't want to intrude, especially after the fight we just had with them.

"I don't know what a 'k' is, but I know where you live and at this rate, you'll get there around six am, Snowy. Hop in. Please." Topper pleads. Despite what happened, he cares for me. I haven't spent heaps of time with him, but he's Kegs' best friend, and he knows how much I mean to him.

I nod a little and get in the back, sliding across the seat so I'm behind Sarah. "Where's Kegs?" I ask quietly once we start moving. "I thought he was with you."

"He went to Erin's," Topper replied, looking at me in the rearview mirror. I take another sip of my drink and nod. Of course he's at Erin's.

"Hey, uh, Sarah?" I say quietly, trying to get her attention. She just hums in response, letting me know she's listening. "I... I'm really sorry I called you a liar. I'm not going to use the excuse that I was drunk, but I am wasted so..." I trail off, I need to get back on the point. "I don't think you were lying. From your distance, I'm sure that's exactly what it looked like. If I didn't panic, it would have been about four seconds before you would have been right, anyways..."

"It's fine," Sarah replied flatly. "I was looking out for you, Kegs just wants you to be safe. And happy." Of course, she knew he would react that way, but why wouldn't I be safe with JJ?

"Why wouldn't I be safe with JJ, I'm with him all the time."

"He just thinks you'd be better off if you hung out with us more. A less risky lifestyle than with the pogues." She explains and I nod softly, even though she can't see me. Classic Kegs, always thinks he knows what's best, and that popularity is the most important thing.

"We literally are pogues. We factually live on the cut, we have one bathroom for six people, for fucks sake. He's just good at golf and went to private school back home, and is likable. I never had that. I'll never be him.." I reply, but I am truly thankful that she cares. Sarah turns to face me, and she has a genuinely sympathetic look on her face.

"I do think you're pretty cool, Snowy. You're welcome to hang out with me and my friends sometime, I can't imagine Top and Rafe are really your scene." Sarah smiles at me and I return it with a slight nod. I doubt I'll take her up on it, there's no way I would fit in with her and her friends, but it was still nice of her to offer.

"Hey, can I interest you in a nice, almost room temp Twisted Tea?" I ask, changing the subject as I hold my bag up to her if she wants to take one. Sarah laughs as she grabs one.

"Thanks, Snowy."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When I get home, I hardly get the door shut before my mom starts shouting at me. "Juliette, are you kidding me right now? Keegan just called me and said your friend tried to kill him!"

I sigh and set my bag down, kicking off my sand-filled shoes. "Yeah, he left a key part out of that story." I try and explain, but apparently, she's not having it.

"It doesn't matter, Juliette." He could have been killed tonight and you don't care?"

"Of course, I care, Mom. I- He was literally drowning John B! His head was under the water for so long that he passed out, and Kegs just held him there!" I mean, John B didn't technically actually drown, but that definitely would have happened if JJ didn't step in. "He wasn't listening to me! He wouldn't stop! JJ had to do something."

"He didn't have to try and kill him. I cannot believe you are defending the kid who tried to kill your brother! What is wrong with you?"

Clearly, this isn't going anywhere, so grab my bag as I walk past her to go to my room as she grabs a glass off the counter and throws it at me, just missing as it smashes against the wall. I lock myself in the room that I share with the twins and sigh. I turn around to see them both staring at me from their bunk bed that is on the far wall. They look terrified, tears have stained Deck's cheeks, and Anna just looks shocked. We can still hear our parents talking outside, having a heated discussion about what they're going to do.

"You two should be asleep," I say, walking into our closet to get changed into some pajamas.

"We heard Mom yelling," Deck says quietly as I remove my shirt and bathing suit, facing away from them.

"Did JJ really try to kill Keegs?" Anna asks me and I shake my head.

"He wasn't going to hurt him. He just needed to get his attention." I explain, pulling a new shirt over my head and closing the door so they don't see me change my bottoms.

I come out once I get changed and go sit on the bottom bunk with Deck as he clings on to me, and I hug him back. "Snowy, that was scary."

"I know," I whisper, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

"Can you sleep here with me?" He asks and I nod, laying down and pulling Deck down with me gently.

"So, was Pope there?" Anna asks me from the top bunk, leaning over the side so I can see just see her face in the dark, as he hair dangles down below her.

"Yes, Pope was there, Anna. Now get back to sleep." I chuckle, holding my little brother as she lays back down and keeps asking me questions about him. "Goodnight, Anna," I say in response, so she knows I won't be answering her anymore.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

A/N;

Just a short chapter this time, but it felt like the right place to stop.

Business as usual, please let me know what you're thinking! I hardly have any readers so now is a great time to get your suggestions in since I am super active in writing this and I'm more than willing to incorporate different ideas :) Shoot me a message or leave a comment!

Also, I left a little poll so please share your thoughts!

Thanks for reading!

-R

[poppyseedoncaffeine]

More incorrect quotes cuz art blocks a bitch

Lunar: We have to plan, we have to figure something out. Monty: Lunar, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.

Moon: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess? Foxy: Your life? Moon: I- well yes, but-

Lunar: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.

Monty: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys. Foxy: Blocked. Monty: Sometimes, they’re good girls! Foxy: UNBLOCKED!

Sun, wiping tears from their eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it’s meant to be… Moon: I’m literally just going to the store.

Sun: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Earth. Sun: Sun: Don’t tell them I said that.

Sun: Why do you keep a diary?! Monty: To keep secrets from Computer.

Lunar: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Lunar, to Earth: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Monty, to Foxy: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Moon: There are two types of people.

Moon: We can't eat. Why are you making pancakes? Sun: For the cats. Moon: Why are you making pancakes for the cats? Sun: They don't know how.

Monty: Y'know, I once knew a man who said to me: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” He also had a pair of sideburns that would cause even Jude Law’s face to weep in forfeit. You put those lemons in a sack and beat your enemies with ‘em! And maybe if you beat ‘em hard enough the bag will split open and lemon juice will spray into their eyes, causing intense burning pains as you crush them into a citrus-y pulp! Foxy: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Their heads or the lemons? Monty: Whatever caves first!

Sun: How the hell are you still alive? Bloody & Harvest: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Moon: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

Bloody: Thank you for not saying "I told you so." Harvest: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it. *Both look at the fiery inferno before them as Sun angrily emerges from the flames holding a Barrel and a dead Eclipse*

KC: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Bloody & Harvest.

The only proper way to lie to Lunar:

Lunar: Can I have some? Monty, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it. *Proceeds to buy a huge ass cheesecake for Lunar*

Monty: Watcha doin? Sun: Stealing my neighbor's cat. Monty: Scandalous. Monty: Can I help?

Sun: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means! Lunar: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want? Sun: What? No! What has Monty been telling you? Monty, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.

KC: I'm having a baby. Rays: Oh, congradu- Bloody & Harvest wanting a better version of Eclipse, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and- Monty: No returns. Demon: sobbing But it's making me sad…

Monty: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail. Lunar: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

Lunar: Can I go to the pool? Monty: Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free. Lunar: No, can I go by myself? Monty: You don’t want to go with me? Lunar: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests. Monty: It’s the only way to establish dominance.

Eclipse: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material. Rays: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

Rays: Moon won’t come out of their room! Lunar: Just tell them I said something. Rays: Like what? Lunar: Anything factually incorrect. Rays, shrugging: If you say so. Moon, arriving moments later: Did you just say the Pluto is a Star?

Monty: slams books down in front of KC Monty: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night. Moon: You could of said literally anything else. Monty: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble. Moon: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

Eclipse: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

Moon: I've connected the two dots. Rays: You didn't connect shit. Moon: I've connected them.

Lunar: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Eclipse: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Monty: Three of us saw it, Eclipse. How do you explain that? Eclipse: points at Sun Sleep deprivation. points at Monty Paranoia. points at Moon Delusional personality disorder.

Moon: We need a plan to beat Eclipse. Rays: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. Moon: Rays: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Lunar: Tell them to eat shit, Rays. Rays: Tell them yourself. Lunar: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse. *Rays nodding behind Lunar*

Eclipse: What are you talking about Monty? You love it here! Monty: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

[landhoe-norris]

I’m very new to F1 (as in, I started being a fan this past summer), but I’ve watched/read/consumed so much about it and the drivers (past and present) that it feels like longer. Anyways, thank you for validating my feelings about pr3, at first I was like “oh he’s funny” but gradually I started liking him less and less. I can’t pinpoint why, and I am not very familiar with what happened between him and Lando as teammates but something about his vibes don’t click with me. Idk. What makes you not like him? If you’re up to sharing? I’m trying to put it into words for myself. :/

Believe it or not, I was actually a Dan fan in the beginning. It all started going downhill some years ago, starting with him saying the n-word in a song. As someone with black people in my immediate family I have both witnessed them being called that word + have listened when they have told me how much that word affects them, and I just had an immediate “nope fuck that shit” reaction. It’s not our word, we don’t get to use it - it doesn’t matter the capacity.

It only got worse after that. His frat boy humour, lack of accountability and immaturity made me weak in the knees when I was younger (I had shit taste in men back then. Like abysmal. Cocaine snorting chefs level of trash heaps). The problem is that I grew up, while he didn’t. He still has that same immature humour, he still takes no accountability for his behaviour on track but the worst thing (and what tipped me over the edge of “he’s a loser to he’s a fucking loser”) were his fans.

His fans + his own team have done him no favours. They are delusional (truly, really), they attack others like a rabid mob (Lando, McLaren social media admins, Mind volunteers) and his team is known to have planted stories about Lando during their two years as teammates together. Don’t even get me started on the lies told about his former trainer Michael Italiano on X that he has never addressed. Zero accountability, I’m telling you.

How he handled Lando post-attack was horrid. Disgusting. And how he used PR to play the dopey, horribly treated victim during his last year of McLaren while it’s been factually proven that he knew he was on his way out just speaks to what kind of person he is. He got his fans so riled up that they viciously attacked his team at McLaren (engineers and others) who then made public pleas for them to stop. Yet he has never taken to social media to stop his rabid pack of dogs. He holds they key yet he refuses to utilise it.

He leaves teams as soon as he realises he can’t cope. He left RBR cause Max was better, he left Renault cause of money and he flounced out of McLaren cause he’s a mid driver who couldn’t adapt his driving style, something Lando does every single race.

He believes his own hype because he’s been catered to his entire life. Things are never his fault, always someone else’s or the cars or the teams. He is selfish as a teammate and the fact that he talked so much shit about Lando before joining McLaren just to get his ass handed back to him on a plate brings me immense joy.

He was going to send Lando to FE but in the end Lando was the sole architect of his demise 😌

[chaoticdreamers-world]

so...it has come to my attention that a lot of people don't know how to write panic attacks, let alone help out a person IRL who is having one. hopefully, this is going to make it a bit easier.

note: the information in this post is based on my experiences as an individual who deals with them on a daily basis, my friends, and the supplementary google search. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist, so if using this information IRL, take it with a grain of salt. also if reading this is triggering for you, please scroll.

first off, there is a difference between panic and anxiety attacks. personally, panic is more sudden-there may be a specific trigger but you don't realise it until the attack is well upon you, and it is often more severe in the sense that it is harder to control. with anxiety attacks, you will often find a particular stressor or fear building over a period of time, until it finally culminates in an attack. this can often be helped by addressing the source of the anxiety and convincing oneself of the unlikeliness of this fear [eg: if the fear is that you're going to fail an exam, gentle grounding and a reminder of how hard you worked and how unlikely failing is will help].

ok. hopefully you have some idea of the difference now. so now we're going into the signs of a panic attack, or what the actual experience feels like.

generally, it begins with rapid breath/hyperventilation and heart rate and sudden fear of danger as well as a feeling that you're losing control. depending on the situation and person, it can progress to chest pain, a headache, dizziness and a feeling like you're going to pass out, nausea or abdominal cramps [some people may throw up] and numbness, starting in the hands and feet and moving to legs, arms and other parts of the body over time. the person may also feel hot flashes or chills, a sense of detachment, and trembling-from firsthand experience, can confirm this makes it hard to hold a pen, write clearly, or even stand straight on occasion.

what this may look or seem like to an outsider is someone breathing rapidly and unsteady, looking pale and/or shaky, dropping what they're holding, slumping or slouching suddenly and leaning against a wall or person for support, etc. if you're writing characters in this situation, it would be most effective for the character experiencing it to vocalize to another, as the symptoms detailed above do appear due to a variety of other causes.

alright, so what can one do to reduce the effect of a panic attack?

although excellent in theory-and this is one I see the most often in media-reminding the person to breathe may be wildly unhelpful because if they could control their breathing and fear, they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. there's three potential routes you could take, keeping in mind that priority should be gently exiting from the state of panic: grounding, breathing techniques and distraction. these work to varying levels, depending on the person and the intensity of the situation. examples for each below.

grounding - there's a variety of methods to do this. the one that works best for me is the 5 4 3 2 1 method, which I've modified to be more effective personally. the idea is to state 5 things you see, 4 facts you know, 3 things you feel, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell. the original method uses all 5 senses, but I find this better at calming my mind down from its monologue of what could go wrong by reminding myself of what things are real and factual and can be trusted. additionally, what works for a friend of mine is imagining themselves submerged in a body of water, safe from harm, and visualising the water slowly covering and protecting them and calming them in the process. another method is visualising yourself in a peaceful, safe environment and using the 5 senses to state what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste. additionally, there are a LOT of grounding techniques on the internet and even on tumblr itself, so one can have a look around to see what works for them.

breathing techniques - this is different from telling a person to breathe; it involves asking them either follow a breathing visualisation, specific pattern [eg: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 , out for 4] or matching the breaths of a calm person. this is the quickest method, but has varying degrees of success. personally, it rarely works because my mind is racing too fast to actually slow down and focus on breathing, but it might work in a situation where the person is able to focus on their breathing.

distraction - this is useful especially when one character is trying to help another. methods include holding ice cubes in one's hands or mouth, or one person saying especially shocking or strange things to another to the extent that they phase out of it. one of my friends used to say random things [eg: have you had chili coconut ice cream, I met the president last night-that was actually true though] and distract me long enough for me to phase back into normal breathing. again, varying levels of success, but worth a try.

a note on what it feels coming down from a panic attack. there's a bit of a glucose crash, and you may feel cold and weak as your body physically compensates. a bit of water and food can go a long way, plus a nap helps.

lastly, and this shouldn't have be said: be supportive, both when writing characters and IRL. panic attacks can be terrifying, and in no way should the people experiencing them be belittled, mocked or put in danger because of something they cannot control.

alright, that's it from my end. go forth and be kind!!

[millionsofmaxime]

Augustine & Cynthia: *doing the science* Rowan: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to do more experiments? Augustine: *silence* Cyrus: *silence* Rowan, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you? Augustine & Cynthia in shame: Yeah...

Diantha: You can track Lysandre? Augustine: Of course I can. If the NSA can do it, so can I.

Cynthia: Why don't I like this person? Riley: I don't know. Maybe it's because they keep stealing your thunder. Cynthia: Maybe it's because their name is "Augustine". Don't you find that utterly ridiculous? Riley: No. Cynthia: That's because your name is "Riley".

Cynthia, Entering Riley's room: Augustine did it again. Riley: Peace disturbance? Cynthia: What no- Riley: Arson..? Cynthia: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Riley: uh....Attempted murder? Cynthia: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Augustine: Cynthia has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them. Riley: That can't be true! Augustine: Watch this. Augustine: Hey Cynthia, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Cynthia: *Throws themself out a window*

Riley: Ladies, gentlemen and Cynthia, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld! Augustine: A llama? Riley: No. Augustine: A baby llama? Riley: No! Augustine: A baby llama with a little hat on? Riley: NO!

Diantha: Augustine won’t come out of their room! Lysandre: Just tell them I said something. Diantha: Like what? Lysandre: Anything factually incorrect. Diantha, shrugging: If you say so. Augustine, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

Lysandre: I hate you sometimes. Augustine: Well according to this picture Riley drew of us holding hands that's not true. Lysandre: Augustine, you drew that. Augustine: It doesn't matter.

*Riley is comforting Augustine* Riley: Stop crying because it’s over. Start smiling because Lysandre is someone else’s problem now.

Lysandre: Thanks for not telling Augustine what happened. Diantha, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this.

Augustine: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Cynthia: How? Augustine: I need someone to take the fall. Cynthia: What did you do? Augustine: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Riley, from the other room: Oh my god. Augustine: ... Riley: OH MY GOD! Cynthia: Make it a hundred. Augustine: Deal.

Cynthia: It’s funny how well you and Lysandre get along. Didn’t they hate you at first? Augustine: Lysandre hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

Augustine: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Lysandre: So you're just gonna wait until Riley is in danger and save them? Augustine: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Lysandre: ... Lysandre: You're insane.

Augustine: Two years ago, I married my best friend. Augustine: Riley is still mad about it, but me and Cynthia were drunk and thought it was funny.

Diantha: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club. Augustine: What club? Lysandre: The hating Augustine club. Augustine: …The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

Cyrus, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it- Cynthia, whispering: Should we call the exorcist? Lysandre, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick. Augustine, appalled: Call the exorcist.

Cheryl: Ducks are better than rabbits. Cynthia: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks. Cyrus: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey. Cynthia: We’re not talking about flavour, Cyrus! Cyrus: Flavour counts! Cynthia: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone? Lysandre: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier? Cynthia: Okay, but- Lysandre: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER? Cyrus: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out! Cynthia: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, CYRUS! Cyrus: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, CYNTHIA! Cheryl: I- Jesus-

Cynthia: So, are they your friend or... Augustine: They’re like Cheryl, but if Cheryl was ordered to be around you. Cynthia: Oh, so Riley. Augustine: Precisely!

*Everyone is playing a board game together* Riley: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Cheryl: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Cynthia: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Augustine: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Cynthia: *flips the board*

Cheryl: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems. Cynthia: Weight loss? Drink water. Augustine: Clear skin? Drink water. Riley: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Augustine: Why do you act like we’re three year olds? Riley, exasperated: WHY?!? Riley points at Cynthia: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR! Riley points at Cyrus: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK! Riley points at Augustine: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND! Riley: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

Augustine: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Rowan. They're mad at you. Rowan: No, it's Cynthia. They're just being grammatically correct! *meanwhile* Cynthia: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them. Riley: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. Cynthia: I stand by my choice.

[ray-talks]

2/23/24

today's restriction was okay.

i had to eat a snack since my friend was over, but i also ate a small amount for dinner, so it was definitely ate less than yesterday. even when you consider that i only had one meal the other day; it's just today it was smaller and less calories.

i've noticed that more and more recently i can tell that my best friend has been concerned about me -- not in the way of directly confronted me or pausing to have a heart-to-heart, but always encouraging me to talk to others, that i should ask for help, and taking my dark jokes more seriously. it's always in a casual or light way. it sticks out to me regardless. these types of comments haven't always existed, or at least been this frequent. i think for a while we openly exchanged dark jokes about our mental health or traumas, and we still do this, but it is to a lesser extent and sometimes my friend may respond with, "nah, man, you can't think like that", when in the past, they definitely would have laughed with me. not directly, but it indirectly rebukes what i say, and they are pushing against it. i think it is because over time they've realized what i joke about aren't just thoughts sometimes, they are things i will legitimately do. suicide jokes aren't as funny when the person making them is actively suicidal and has almost died from attempts. so i do understand why my jokes aren't so tasteful anymore. i am saying all of this to recognize a shift i've noticed.

today, i complained about being forced to undergo interventional psychiatry, and i said that i don't like it because, "it'll force me to change", in a goofy, exaggerated voice. again, i said this in a joking manner, but it is something i legitimately feel. and i think my best friend understood that. their response was essentially: "i am not trying to offend you, but it is like you aren't trying. i am not saying that to demean you or that you are lazy. it's that you are so used to be miserable and change is foreign and unknown, so you don't want it". of course, i completely agree with this sentiment, it is undeniably correct. i am well aware of this. i replied, laughingly, that i knew that and it was factually correct. i don't know. it's weird. i never try to meaningfully help myself or change. even though, i have so many opportunities and everyone can see that. a thought that came to mind from this is that i know it is a fair possibility i will die soon. if that happens, they'll be left alone, and it would be a horrible thing to do to them. i know that.

something that is worrying me is that i won't be able to follow through with my goal. in the sense, it'll be like last fall, when it gets too hard to continue restricting, i go back to eating normally. and because there is such a strong void in my life that was previously filled by my goal, it led me to attempt. i am scared that again, i'll give up and i'll go to die, whether or not it will be successful is unknown. i'd much rather die knowing i accomplished something from my goal, then dying because i couldn't move forward. but that may just be the fate for me.

i apologize for ending on a somber note. to all who read this, i wish you a good day.

[diary515]

(new journal online)

thoughts be thoughting

I go over to g and n’s and i expect to feel a disconnect. but i feel warmth and comfort. i see how they live and i get a taste of it and i think wow. but then i just come back here. i’m so accustomed to reality of my own life, the inherent loneliness, that it sort of doesn’t even cross my mind to be jealous. factually i am, i guess. it must be nice. but i guess the existence i have is not too bad. and i’d far rather the existence i have now than force myself to chase a similar connection - one that isn’t really even possible, at this point in my circumstances at least.

my thoughts and feelings on M however remain the same. they are not really a person i enjoy, which is not their fault nor mine. avoidance especially with current circumstances is probably key.

moving to new connections should be good. it can be a long time finding them, and difficult, with no guarantees at all. but hopefully there’s people out there who would appreciate who I am.

believing that people genuinely like and care about me is something i’m working on too. I carry around an inherent sense of guilt and shame that im taking up other people’s space and time, that they only tolerate me and that I need to make up for it somehow.

maybe one day love will become easier to believe and accept, or feel like it’s earnt. j is a key model for the sort of unearned love that I want to come into my life more.

in a way I do have to start to be more selfish and put myself first so that I can have a good life too, as if I have a good life I will then be able to help others. it’s not selfish to have wishes and wants for myself, just me.

something I learnt today: the word P or something

story or memory from today: singing duet walking in a circle w A s. BIG SOUP minestrone

2 things I’m thankful for today: the roof over my head. being included in message from N.

something new i experienced today: new soup from can.

main goal in going abroad is to make more memories, experience more

[abandonedpie]

I was taught to chase my dreams, but whenever I think about it for two seconds, I realize my dream is unrealistic and actually kind of selfish, so like. Guess I'll just meander through my life with no big goal to work towards, unless I manage to come up with a more achievable dream that I'd feel is worth fighting for.

But you know, a dream is still a dream, and I won't give it up entirely. I'll keep chasing it in small and incomplete ways, devouring what pieces I can, like a ravenous pigeon after breadcrumbs. Bread is a tasty treat, after all, but as you may have heard, it doesn't carry any nutritional value for pigeons, or birds of any kind, really. So you see, while it's not inherently dangerous for birds, it fills them up with, effectively, nothing, when the nutrition they need to survive lies in other food, such as birdseed. Now, I'm not an expert on birds; this is all information I've picked up from the internet, but I do believe it to be factual, and more importantly in the current situation, relevant to the point I'm trying to make. What point was that again?

Ah, right, I was using it as a metaphor, in which I am this figurative bird and the bread represents my dream. So you see, even if it's not realistic to live off said dream, I can't resist a tasty piece of bread every now and then. And who can? Well, I suppose those who are gluten intolerant may have an easier time resisting bread, though from what I've heard, many such people still face temptation despite the negative effects bread has on them. And if that's the case, they must understand the struggle, even more so than I do. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say our struggles are different, even regarding the same subject.

Of course, I'm sure there are people out there, both with and without gluten intolerance, who simply do not like the taste of bread. Even though I myself do like at least some types of bread, it's understandable that not all people share my tastes. You know, I've never understood why so many people make such a fuss about others enjoying food that they themselves dislike, or others finding their food preferences unpleasant. For example, pineapple on pizza. Whatever your opinion of pineapple on pizza is, I find it simply unreasonable to expect, or desire, everyone else to share your tastes, as though there were a "correct" and "incorrect" way to experience food, or indeed, anything else in life.

The fact of the matter is, nobody experiences anything in precisely the same way, and we certainly didn't choose to experience things in the ways that we do. What I mean to say is that everybody is different, and that isn't a bad thing. We are also fundamentally alike in other ways: that is, everyone is human, and so in essence, we are all birds—or perhaps other animals, say, a hippo or an elephant, or even some form of nonliving or otherworldly entity deserving of respect, if you so identify—in any case, we all desire and find meaning in a tasty treat, whatever form that may take for you.