#This hit home very hard
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Remember you are not at fault for the abuse you got. You are brave even if you don't feel like it if you have left, come forward, etc. You are brave if you are trying to escape or have to stay a little longer. You will get out you got this Support abuse victims. No separating the art from the artist, not wells or buts, show victims the support they deserve. But most importantly give them space, let them heal in peace and if they want to talk. Listen to them
#space.text#Shelby is so so brave I hope she can heal from this#She seems to be but man#The things he did to her makes me sick#That “apology” was ass#There will be no wilbur support in this house#But this also goes out to fellow abuse victims#You got this#You are loved#You are not at fault#We are all rooting for you and your path of healing#This hit home very hard
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#made it through#cried a lot#something about being 20 in your childhood home and moving into your apartment in a big city in a few weeks makes it hit VERY hard#taylor swift#speak now tv#never grow up
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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does anyone else. idk exactly how to put this. feel weird? about evan kelmp? it feels very strange and almost demeaning to hear the cast chuckle in pity at descriptions of evan's life and memories that are similar or the same as things i have experienced. and it's not that i don't think they understand the very serious and sad nature of evan's backstory? but idk. some of these little moments. these sad little oh evan is so pathetic and miserable moments. they make me flinch a little bit
#to be clear this isn't meant to be an attack on the cast and rather to the contrary i really admire their storytelling#this might just be a symptom of evan's character hitting to close to home? idk#if anyone else who's ever been in a similar place has any thoughts even tangential ones i'd love to hear them.#i'd forgotten how much of a mirror evan is for me and it's. hard#aug.post#misfits and magic#mismag#idk i wasnt gonna maintag this bc it's kinda negative but. i would really like to hear from other people#just plz understand this is coming from a very personal place and im not trying to express any hostility towards the cast :(
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*sobbing in the corner*
#the amazing digital circus#episode 3 was good#father figures being father figures will always hit differently for me#Tiny Tina's DLC in BL2 hit in the same way that I felt#the dynamic between Geralt and Ciri hits close to home too#... honestly as far as parental trauma goes I got the least from dad#he was genuinely a good man and tried so very hard and I was a brat I can admit that#okay back to sobbing about Kinger!#OH AND ALSO ETHAN WINTERS I forgot to include him
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tell me why i wrote 4k words of fantasy au the other night but overall Absolutely Nothing Happened in it
#like damn... the length of a Chonky Oneshot and like... 2 things occurred#i really need to cut back on conversations#once i start characters talking its impossible to make them shut up#like me!!!!#but geez. man.#its One Scene and its over 4k and its Not Done#it doesnt even start at the beginning! i started it like... partway through the mini plot i have in my head!#reminds me of that one 15k fic i wrote that was One Battle. it should've been 7k at most#i use to be good at keeping things at a nice length... not dragging it out... sighhhhhhhhh#absolutely unprompted#if anyone's curious the Scene is how the group learns about home#aka wally takes a hard hit. fuckign Dies.#and home is like 'well! time to go insane and slaughter everyone - then use their souls to revive him!'#while very much Ignoring wally's friends who are misjudging the entire situation#barnaby is an unreliable narrator when he doesnt know what the Fuck is going on & also his buddy got kia <3
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What i enjoy about Talk To Me is how avoidable everything was, but not in the typical horror movie "oh dont touch the cursed artifact silly!" but in the more realistic sense. If these people could actually communicate with one another then everything would've been avoided. But just like Max couldnt save his wife everyone else was just a little too late.
AND to add to this; if you're of the ones to believe that Jade pushed Mia then this is even more reinforced. Mia was gonna stop, she could've been saved, if Jade simply stopped for a second and talked to her this would've been avoided, but it wasn't.
#luly talks#okay NOW i swear this is my last post. i just really had a lot to say. very good movie. hit home hard i guess.#talk to me 2023
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LoTM chapter 946 spoilers :) (the drawing is below)
So uh I arrived at the fun rainbows and ponies chapters,,, I definitely did not have a mental breakdance on my couch
I have a little rant about the whole ordeal of me reading these chapters in the tags so bonne appétit
Also I have really no idea if i should hide the art behind a scroller if i did tag the spoiler but yk what I could never be too careful, I've seen people still reading on here so better be more cautious than not
#lotm spoilers#lotm spoiler#lord of the mysteries#i am very passionate about this novel#I might cry too much while reading but bro#BRO#My hands wouldn't stop shaking my eyes became a waterfall#My friends now have pictures of me crying and each time captain dunn smith was involved#AND I HAVENT EVEN ADRESSED THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM BEING LEONARDS MONOLOGUE CRYING TO OLD MAN#LIKE ???#broke down at the train station I couldn't get home faster#AND AS AN AVID LEONARD AND KLEIN ENJOYER THAT EXCHANGE AT THE END#i did not expect that it would hit me so hard#I DID NOT EXPECT THEIR REUNION TO BE ACCOMPANIED BY DALY'S DEATH#i knew she would leave because i got spoiled by fanart on pinterest just like a bunch of other stuff BUT#and bro Daly dancing with Dunn...#THEY MAKE ME SO EMOTIONAL#the rant is now over I believe I haven't read the continuation yet because Klein is gonna start talking about the powers of the new sequenc#and not process his emotions and I am just ill#daly simone#dunn smith
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Authors making literary choices about their characters that add an edge that could be hard for the audience to sit with is, in fact, a good thing
#and it’s not even that hard because Eowyn never really suffers for the choices she made in the sense that: Edoras is fine#Sauron’s forces from the eastern front are stopped before they hit Rohan#but it could have gone very differently then she would have to be like: glad I had glory on Pelenore but all my people were#massacred and are dead and my home city which is also the capital of our country is sacked#it could have been different!!#we read her actions from knowing the outcome of the books#but the characters in the books don’t know this is going to be the outcome!#writing#lit#drives me nuts#let! Eowyn! have! flaws!#Eowyn#lotr#lord of the rings#I honestly hope she got flack for it#eomer: I'm glad you’re alive and healthy and beat the witch king#Eomer: but never leave a capital city undefended ever again because you’re feeling sad about missing out on the war
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why nobody warned me that my funky aging dragons game will make me think a lot about being inadequate in the eyes of my mother, huh?
#maybe it's on me tho...#it's a bioware game. there have to be parental issues involved in some way#but that one. hit hard and very close to home.#blah blah text post#lady plays da4
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re gen kill — excellent so far. episode 3 made me so sick like I honestly think it's much more raw & unfiltered than bob/maybe even the pacific.... shows that make you want to throttle the tv screen
#generation kill#finding it very hard to fandomize if im being honest#like its a 100% about u.s imperialism and it hits a little too close to home i guess
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Call me a sucker, but I really like the latest Paramount+ Home of Star Trek commercial
THAT SAID - the Prodigy erasure stings. To me it definitely feels like Paramount is implicitly saying it’s not a part of Star Trek anymore since it’s not on the platform
But if Threshold taught us anything, it’s that you can’t remove something from canon just because you decided you didn’t like it anymore. Prodigy is Star Trek, and it will continue being Star Trek even with a new home
#star trek prodigy#saved star trek prodigy#Star Trek#prodigy is hecking amazing#the prodigy erasure has stung since it was announced they were cutting it#I get that it’s now Netflix’s property and they can’t claim it anymore#prodigy is the most hopeful of the newer iterations to me#long story short I’m a sucker for some nostalgia but that doesn’t mean Paramount hasn’t done some terrible things to the franchise#the commercial is good very nostalgic they’re (almost) all there#remember when they tried to disown threshold come on#you can’t put the salamanders back in the shuttlecraft#they’re out there and they are BELOVED#also bring back ridiculous and bad Star Trek cause ‘fortune favors the bold’ and those silly episodes represent risk taking#risk taking can lead to some of the best works#‘risk is our business’ Kirk himself said it!#do you think we would have Far Beyond the Stars without Move Along Home?#the risk taking is part of why I love voyager (and threshold) so much such high highs and low lows just hits all the right notes#I also have issue with the writing being tightened down so hard that no one can breathe#meta
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[ID: A tier list of mostly sci-fi and fantasy book covers including the following:
S+ (I think everyone should read this) tier: The Archive Undying, Beowulf: A New Translation, Shield Maiden, Piranesi
S+ (I don't necessarily think everyone should read this, but reading it did genuinely change the course of my year for the better) tier: The Way of Kings, The Electricity of Every Living Thing, Stay True
S tier: System Collapse, Rhythm of War, Oathbringer, This Is How You Lose The Time War, The Alloy of Law, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, Tress of the Emerald Sea, Dawnshard, The Emperor's Soul
A tier: The Citadel of Weeping Pearls, Words of Radiance, The Raven Tower, Squire, How Far the Light Reaches, Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy, The Water Outlaws, The Tea Master and the Detective
B tier: The Anthropocene Reviewed, The Sunlit Man, Arcanum Unbounded, Edgedancer, The Navigating Fox, The Lost Metal
C tier: The Final Empire, The Well of Ascension, The Hero of Ages, The Bands of Mourning, Shadows of Self, Fireheart Tiger
I didn't DNF it: The Vanisher's Palace, Elantris, Mistborn: Secret History, One Woman Show, Warbreaker, White Sand. End ID]
I read a lot this year: 45 books, 67 if you count rereads. This included the entirety of the Cosmere (Brandon Sanderson) and rereads of the entirety of Emelan, Protector of the Small, and Murderbot (all of which would be are S+ tier). This is in no small part due to 1) reading books along with/recommended by friends and 2) using Storygraph and spreadsheets to track things! Including doing @strangetorpedos's dnd reading challenge! I'm doing the cleric one this next year!
Some big themes: Way more novellas and short stories than I usually read! Beowulf and retellings! Knighthood and armor and feminine kingship! Sentient constructs and mindships! Memoirs! Asian-inspired speculative fiction! Architecture and consciousness!
I just. Missed doing this regularly, and am very glad to be back reading a lot again. Also I'm building my TBR for next year so if anyone has recs based on what they read or wants to do something similar please I'd love to see!
#sola said#it's hard to overstate the degree to which being forcibly* recommended the way of kings by one of my best friends influenced my year#(*getting physically sat down with the book to read through the 3 prologues together) (this is a JOKE ily)#it goes in the same tier with The Book That Made Me Start Seriously Considering An Autism Diagnosis and The Book That Grabbed My Heart#Hit Way Too Close to Home And Made Me Go Tell All My Friends I Love Them#so. yknow.#not to be just. the sappiest about it but. my life and my brain are so much better when I'm reading regularly and i'm just very grateful#for the friends and the systems that made that into a regular practice for me again. not only for that but.#2023 was just a lot of ups and downs and this was just such a clear unalloyed good#heart full!!#sola reads
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wough. being ill sucksssss. appreciate having a clear nasal canals or w/e if you're currently well rn
#very. hard to type rn. thebone upside of being. a home body is that it happens less often#but it still hits like a truck when i do catch them
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my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something
#im hoping you guys read the outsiders in school#ive actually read the outsiders twice in school ?#urgg my outsiders phase in like 7th grade comin back around#two very conflicting fandoms might i add#but also im not very invested in the fandom#i just think dallas is cool#shameless dally apologist#i KNOW he was a shitty person throughout the book and whatnot#and he was probably a horrible influence#but he hit. kinda close to home#that mutually obsessive relationship w/ johnny ohmmygod#its just :(#ME TOO!!#trying to kys over your fp is extremely real and unfortunately i completely get it#and his IMPULSIVENESS#AND HIS PUSHING AWAY OF EVERY EMOTION AND BASICALLY BEING A TICKING TIME BOMB AUGH#i will SHAMELESSLY say that dally is my favorite#i like johnny and pony and two bit and soda and whatnot#but dally just hits WAY too hard#imcrying over his entire dynamic with johnny actually#because i GET IT#i udnerstand it way too hard:(#mutual obsession and then fucking destroying each other in the process is VERY REAL#AND I HATE IT#BECAUSE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT!!!#ive said id kms if my fp died way too many times and i 100% meant it#COUGH because girly tried COUGH#okay im just lore dumping in yhe tags#moral og the story is doli is insane and relates way too hard to dally to be normal#dolirants
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i will say. if there’s one thing that preparing to move to the other side of the planet has taught me it’s that i’m very loved
#saying goodbye has been very hard i feel like it’s going to hit me like a truck once im there and by myself#like obviously i won’t be alone completely but while el is as work i’ll be like … :)#everyone back home will be asleep#i love my family and friends so dearly#and to have so so many people sending me off and wishing me well between family and friends and coworkers and everything.. its nice <3#it’s so lovely but it’s almost breaking my heart how am i meant to survive!!!!#i’m going to miss everyone so much#wow….. last day tomorrow….#p
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