#This feeling will fluctuate
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limeade-l3sbian · 6 months ago
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cw: mention of suicide but also, hope.
REFUSE to let life force you out of your own body. REFUSE to die. I planned to kill myself on May 10th of this year. I planned to "go home." I spent so many days hiding and crying trying to avoid certain things happening in my life. Things out of and in my control. I have been hopeless for the last two months, assuming that I would be dead before my next birthday.
I'm not a strong black woman who can brave any storm and come out stronger of any situation. I'm soft, I'm a crybaby. I get scared, I call my mom when I'm sad and I have been struggling with depression since I was old enough to understand what my life was.
I woke up last night, full tremors and found I wasn't sad anymore. I was angry. I was fucking pissed. Why the fuck was I trying to convince myself that I didn't deserve a good life?
Because I do. I do deserve a good fucking life. I deserve everything I wish for others. I deserve love. I deserve friends. I deserve safety. All of it! And so do you.
We're not spare humans who this world could give or take. You're a real fucking person with real fucking desires. You are not some written character that needs to be strong or needs to be killed off.
You and I both deserve a good life. And know now that when I saw that to you and anyone else, I know I deserve that too.
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queerdraws · 1 year ago
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it's zoro's birthday!! happy birthday big guy, may you say many more insane things to your enemies in the coming years
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cubbihue · 2 months ago
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A common misconception about Fairy Crowns is that it indicates the emotions a Fairy has. This is not true. A Fairy's Crown is purely an indication of their magical energy, as magic is directly connected to their health.
A crown losing its form is an indication that the flow of their magic is fluctuating, which humans often mistaken it as high emotions. Humans should be wary of Fairies with visible fluctuating magic, as it can mean that they are about to impulsively use magic in an erratic or dangerous manner.
Thankfully, crowns cannot do direct harm to others, and Fairies cannot do magic without a wand! Take their wand, and they won't do you harm!!
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 7 months ago
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Autism & Fluctuationing Support Needs Part 2
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Lil Penguin Studios/Autism Happy Place
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takethelx3 · 4 days ago
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They're at a cafe on a rainy day bc.. I want to sit at a cafe w someone and just vibe tgt
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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bound to want (part two) /// part one rest of pages under READ MORE after ID
[ID: 23 page digital comic of Vashwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic is in a limited palette of a dark blue, light pink, white, black, and a light beige color for Vash's skin and a mid-brown color for Wolfwood's. This comic is the second part to "Bound to Want" and is spoiler-free. The first part is linked here.
It begins with a panel close up of Vash's expressions. The sky colored in dark blue can be seen behind him. He has a neutral expression, but he holds a slight frown and the reflection of his glasses covers one side of his eyes. Wolfwood says, "Hey. What's with the distance?" In the second panel, the shot widens to show both of them, a clear physical distance separating them with Wolfwood walking ahead and Vash trailing a little behind. Vash responds, "What? I'm just walking a bit slower today..." Wolfwood looks at him with a an irritated expression, clicking his tongue. Wolfwood says, "I was going to wait for you to start... But yer just running away away."
Vash is seen looking away, unable to hold eye contact with Wolfwood as he continues, "You've been avoiding me since that night. Did ya think I wouldn't notice? It's about that dream, right? Tell me about it already if you're going to be moping like this." Vash looks slightly downwards, his brows furrowing and he starts to walk ahead of Wolfwood without looking at him and responds stiffly, "I really don't want to talk about it..." Wolfwood looks at him with a surprised expression, but doesn't probe.
A panel close up to Wolfwood's eyes as he watches Vash go on ahead before he follows suite with an irritated sigh. The panels are overlapped by Wolfwood's hand holding the bottle of the Bride with motion lines, indicating a transition in time.
A wide shot of Vash and Wolfwood in a room now. Vash is seated, his back turned away from the viewer, while Wolfwood's body faces the viewer with his eyes looking towards Vash. He rests the bottle of the Bride on the table with a "clack" and his other hand holds two shotglasses. The background is coated in a light pink.
A panel shows a close up of Wolfwood's face, his eyes looking downwards to Vash as he says, "Let's drink." Next to this panel is Vash looking up at Wolfwood, his brows furrowed and a slight frown. The bottom half of the page is a wider shot with Vash's body turned away from the viewer as he says, "I'm not going to talk about it." Wolfwood responds, "You don't have to." as he sits down.
A wide panel of Wolfwood holding the shotglass, pouring in the drink as he continues, "I'll talk." The next panel is a profile view of Wolfwood, his eyes looking down at the now filled shotglass as he continues to say, "You're..."
"... upset with me." Vash can be seen next to this speech bubble with narrowed eyes, looking towards Wolfwood. The panels are all coated in with a dark blue background. Wolfwood continues, "I can't be certain why since yer not telling me a thing -- but it's probably... my bad." The panels show Wolfwood about to bring the shotglass to his mouth but he turns way as he continued to speak, his eyes not on Vash. The bottom page shows him looking away completely with a guilty expression as he says, "I'm sorry.
If you can ever tell me why, I can try and adjust to make it more bearable. But if you're just trying to get rid of me--" The panels follow Wolfwood's certain expression as he says this, "I don't intend to leave you. I can't... and I won't." A panel shows Vash's wide-eyed expression, surprised upon hearing this, and then his eyes soften as Wolfwood again concludes with, "I'm sorry."
Vash's inner thoughts begins, a boxed speech at the center of the page and panels of his eyes, his brows furrowing again and a resigned, but frustrated expression. His thoughts starts, "Stop. I shouldn't be happy hearing that. And why are you apologizing? I should be the one to..! I can't let anything like that happen to you. You deserve to live a long steady and peaceful life. I want to be optimistic. I want to protect you, but I might end up doing the opposite." The text surrounds Wolfwood from Vash's perspective, the other man drinking out of his shotglass, his eyes downcasted.
"I shouldn't have you. And you won't leave." Behind these text is a panel of Wolfwood's eyes finally looking over to Vash. Vash's thoughts continues,  "It's so unfair." When Wolfwood sees Vash, his eyes soften and he frowns. The last panel shows the lower half of Vash's face, but tears begins to flow down his cheek. Wolfwood's hand is already reaching to wipe at them as he starts to say, "You know..."
A wider shot of Vash and Wolfwood, Vash slightly leaning forward with his mouth tightly shut, and tears steadily continuing to flow out of his closed eyes. Wolfwood continues to wipe at them with his hand as he continues, "This isn't a dream anymore. I don't know what you saw for you to be this shaken up, but whatever happened, you'll overcome it, right? If not you, I'm here too. You'll be okay, Spikey. So..." Wolfwood's expression grows more tender, "Have a little faith in me... and come back already." The dark blue starts to fade.
The wide panel has the dark blue background faded and replaced is the light pink. It shows Vash in full up to his shoulders, his eyes are still tears littered, but there's light in them as he says, "Wolfwood..." making eye contact with the other. The next panel shows Wolfwood's tender expression, his eyes and brows fully soften and he has a small smile on his lips, finally seeing the other return a level of sincerity with him.
The next panel shows the bottom half of Wolfwood's face and his hand is offered towards Vash for a dance as he says, "C'mon. We don't have to talk, but this is okay, right?" The background is now white and a ribbon flowing across the page separates this panel from the next sequence. Vash's inner thoughts continus, "I've spent too long avoiding this. It's scary to want after I've taken so much from others." A sequence close up of their hands is shown, with Wolfwood's outstretched hand on the right and Vash's reaching hand on the left. Vash gently places his hand in Wolfwood and at the bottom, Wolfwood wraps his fingers across Vash's.
Throughout the page, a dark blue ribbon starts to flow around the both of them with confetti raining alongside the effect. Vash and Wolfwood are hand and hand, dancing together with Wolfwood as the lead. The viewer can see a peak of Vash's expression, full of fondness but also a hint of sorrow as he looks down at Wolfwood. His inner thoughts continue, "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. But why is that even though I have these burdens, I still want to love you. I still want you to be by my side."
With a close up of their mouths, Vash's thoughts continue, the text covering his mouth, "Wolfwood, I--" Wolfwood's speech bubble covers Vash's text as he completes his sentence, "want you." Vash's eyes widen for one panel and in the next, his eyes spark, a blush appearing on his cheek and the confetti flows and spark. Tears ease up on his eyes again.
"Want me too already, Spikey." Wolfwood has leaned in enough to rest his head against Vash, a hand of his on Vash's neck, holding his nape and another hand pressed gently against his back. A ribbon separates this panel from the next, a mix of confetti flows across the page, as Vash envelopes Wolfwood in a hug too, holding him and his hand gripping tightly onto his back.
This page is just the ribbon flowly throughout the page on the white background, one white ribbon and the other a dark blue. Near the bottom, the ribbon envelopes each other in a loop. A conversation of Vash and Wolfwood is held over these ribbons, Vash starting to say, "What if I hurt you? What if you..?" Wolfwood responds, "You? How could you hurt me?" Vash, "You know what I mean... You see it everyday..." Wolfwood responds, "If you think I'm going to kick the bucket so easily, I suggest you look at me more closely from now on, idiot. I'm not that easy to get rid of."
The next page has the ribbon criss cross over the top of the page. Vash and Wolfwood can be seen in their dancing position again, Wolfwood now resting a hand on Vash's shoulder, as Vash takes the lead. Vash continues, "Well, I know that... I tried." Wolfwood responds, "But you won't anymore... since you want me... around, yeah?" Wolfwood's head cocks to the side, smiling with assurance, cheeks flushed. Vash looks at him with a wide smile and fond, loving eyes. The confetti flows across the bottom of this page and as it eases into the next page, it starts to disappear.
Vash responds, ".. Yeah... I do..." as he pulls Wolfwood into a hug again. Wolfwood says, "Not going to run away anymore, are you?" Vash says, "No... I trust you." A panel shows Wolfwood's turning away slightly with a shy expression, muttering "Geez..."
In a more simplified style, Wolfwood is seen gripping Vash's cheeks now with his hand, "Though... You do remember you avoided me for two weeks straight, right? How are you going to make that up to me?" Wolfwood asks. Vash responds with eyes closed and a pucker of his lips. A vein of irritation appears on Wolfwood's face. Wolfwood starts to squeeze at Vash's cheek with both hands, shouting, "Now that you've recovered, you're trying to be funny, huh?!" Vash says through the squished cheeks, "I'm just happy..."
The next page opens with a closed up panel of Vash's widen eye as Wolfwood's hand moves from squishing his cheeks to gently holding them and Wolfwood leans in. The inner thoughts starts again, "There's a chance I'm not making the right choice... My dreams, my fears of losing you, it will never go away. But you said you won't let it happen... And I want to hang onto your words closely this time. After all, if it's anyone who can make me believe, it's you."  The white ribbon from previous pages flows across the page and it visibly ends at the bottom of the page, enclosing the two of them as they share a gentle kiss with Vash holding Wolfwood's face, a tear in his eye.
The next pages starts with Wolfwood saying, "You cryin' again?" Vash responds, "I'm just grateful..." Wolfwood responds, "But you've always had me." Vash responds, "Being like this is different from staring at you from behind all the time though..." The two can be seen together again, Wolfwood pressing his elbows against the table with Vash leaning over him. Wolfwood is easing the tears out of Vash's eye again, just like earlier. A close panel of Vash's fond expression is seen as he says, "Thank you, Wolfwood." Wolfwood looks up at him with a small smile, gentle eyes. Confetti starts to flow lightly across the page as text starts to appear against the white background, "I'm the one who's grateful...
That you'd embrace someone like me, when I'm not fit to hold you in the first place... But I know better than to hesitate. The moment I acknowledged it, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life loving you. So, have as much of me as you want, Vash."
The final page shows the confetti gently falling down the page and at the bottom shows Vash and Wolfwood pressing their foreheads together, Wolfwood's hands cupping the side of Vash's face gently, and both of them smiling brightly with each other. ID END]
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#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#its done.... after 2 months.... collapses on the ground#theres a lot of things i would prob change about this but. its so sappy that it makes me a little happy where it ended up#they deserve a little sap too!!! and in the end this is the closest they could get to a first confession#through want! want in each other's life and company since they both have this strained relationship with keeping people permanent in their#lives... and the people or things that are tied to them in the long term tend to be something that harms them.#and as the saying goes -- good things never last! and im sure they prob gave up trying to find a good thing for a long time#vash managed to be found after the moon accident and got his good thing for a bit but even he prob knew itd come to an end eventually#ironically it was wolfwood that ended it. but he really just planted smth new for vash... and now they have some security#or at least vash does. or at least just for this one moment#a moment of bliss and feeling like they are deserving of love is so Fluctuating for vashwood#and ultimately i think wolfwood could only push onwards to initiate because he sensed there was smth vash wanted. and its just#naturally in wolfwood to give to those that he love#but anyway anyway.... i like to think in a sweet universe -- they had the chance to confess like this and got a little bit of time to#enjoy and share their company in this manner. to be a little less restrained and love each other freely#ruporas art
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sergle · 5 months ago
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It really is like. you don't realize until you ask other fat ppl, how common it is for a thinner person to use you as a Fat Sounding Board for their feelings about THEIR own weight.
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h20milk · 6 months ago
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last night i dreamt we did our laundry together.
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marzipanandminutiae · 2 months ago
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making my own clothes has done so much for my body positivity (I'm not claiming to go through half of what my larger friends do, but everyone gets their dose of the Toxic Slurry from society)
lose WEIGHT??? and RUIN THE FIT OF THE GARMENTS I SPENT WEEKS PER PIECE MAKING??? FUCK THAT
(alternately, get a six-pack??? um I think you mean Lose What Little Abdominal Squish My Short-Torso-Having Ass Possesses And Make My ~*Comfy Corset*~ No Longer Comfy and we will not be doing that today thank you very much)
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months ago
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One thing that I always disliked about how people approach mental illness was to frame it as a grand battle, a battle you can lose to.
Obviously, this type of thinking absolutely gets applied to people who have gone through cancer, but I leave it to people affected by cancer to articulate how they feel about this, because it's absolutely not in my lane to talk about that part of this conversation. I talk about mental health because people (at least where I am at) also apply the logic to mental illness - especially if one has "lost" their battle.
It especially bothers me because in many cases, people conceptualize battle as something wherein both parties are full participants, that one participant can only win. Do you commemorate and respect the people who lose battles? Often not.
I know that many times, people use battle euphemisms in order to preserve dignity and (somehow) imply that the illness isn't their fault, but I just don't personally resonate with the idea that illness is something you "win" or "lose" at, that winning means something Grand, Big, and it's something which good people achieve. In my personal experience, it can feel like a battle, but it's completely different in how it operates as a "battle."
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australianklaviergavin · 1 month ago
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OTHER POSTS: Baby bunny Trucy, Uendo lizard, Prosecutors, Aura Blackquill, Clay Terran, Bobby Fulbright, modpoppy's Uendo, okartichoke's Caracalvier,
Compiled here is almost every single design sketch I've done for this... AU? It's my nonsense, take it or leave it! The tag for it is "#The Great Detective's Animal Attorney", but the prefix is mostly for filtering, I just call it "Animal Attorney".
I must disclaim that this is not meant to "compete" with any other AUs or designs! They're all real and I hope my dognix can be friends with yours.
The below post has my designs for the Gavin brothers, Maya, Fransizka, Phoenix, Athena, Sholmes, Lord van Zieks, aaand a teeny Harebrayne. Sadly, no Apollo this time, all his art is doodles and I hit image limit anyways! Him and Trucy may get their own post soon, however!
These were all done with my non-dominant hand, and Athena was done on a Magma board, if that explains the anything.
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The Gavins are the first ones I really did, and they're both caracals! I've kinda wanted to go back and change Klavier a bit in regards to an insane headcanon, but caracalvier is too iconic like this, I just can't do it
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Putting Maya and Fran together, cause they're both kitties! If Maya was a specific breed, then I forgot, but Fransizka (and her dad, by extension) are both oriental longhairs. If I weren't presently injured, I'd draw a scrungly Manfred, but alas your mind's eye will have to do the work.
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Phoenix is a puppy dog! Very very nearly made him a hyena... But I couldn't. I couldn't reconcile it with Ryunosuke. I have a Yeenix in the back, for any interested parties
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LASTLY for my main-series designs is Athena! She's a seal. I don't think I had a specific reason besides not being able to get ears to fit with that ponytail... Might change her to a sea lion, though!
AAAAND TGAA BONUSES... Aka the Barokorn Cinematic Universe
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Sholmes is a lion (with his sad little low testosterone mane)! He was easily the hardest, as I went back and forth... Alot. He was a pigeon at first! I contemplated rabbit..? But I tried to steer away from the mascot designs, generally. I'm happy with the decision of lion, however, mostly cause it gives him fun symbolism with the whole Professor thing.
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The van Zieks-es are unicorns, and Bunnybrain is a pony! I could go more in-depth, buuut that's kinda spoilery
Ryunosuke and Kazuma (not pictured) are both puppy dogs, and I think I settled on bunny for Susato?? To make her pops a bunny also? I also have some sketches of her as a sugar glider, but I don't really like most of their art 👎 so there's a couple gaps here
If anyone wants to (??!?!?!!) you can use these designs for pretty much anything you want (and feel free to extrapolate upon the rest of their designs, most of these are very limited), just make sure to tag me, partially for credit, but also because I'd just REAAAALLY want to see... They are my babies, my world, I think I might break down into tears (/pos) BUT ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME AND I HOPE THIS MAYBE MOTIVATES YOU TO DRAW SOME SILLY ANIMAL ATTORNEYS OF YOUR OWN!!
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 years ago
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Lan Sizhui's no good, very bad day
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 year ago
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Autism & Fluctuating Support Needs
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Lil Penguin Studios/Autism Happy Place
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comfortfrogblog · 1 year ago
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“everyone is capable of experiencing goodness and joy. not me th-“ *EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*
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natsmagi · 9 months ago
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now that things are on my own terms
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her
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shoplifting · 3 months ago
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