#They’ll just insult him so bad he explodes and dies

[sapphireluci]

WaClaris and Walliot!!!

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (January 12/2021) - The Bathwater Mishap

After a couple weeks off, Antfrost has made his return at last!

Needless to say, there’s a lot to be filled in on. L’manberg’s now a crater, the Dream SMP faction’s future is ambiguous, and the Badlands��� power remains strong as ever. 

But after Bad gives him the run-down, things start to go a bit off the rails when Skeppy comes online...

---

- Ponk continues his project from yesterday of a collection of gravestones/shrines to various people

- He tells chat that he is, in fact, a descendant of Helga. He and Lazar are descendants of the people from the Village That Went Mad. 

- Fundy leads Friend around through the ruins doing hijinks with maps and item frames.

- Fundy roleplays a western scene with Friend and a picture of George. 

- Afterwards, he walks around with Friend and talks to him a bit (he seems to be fluent in sheep-speak)

- Friend insults Sally and Fundy gets upset at him, trying to establish some boundaries for touchy subjects.

- Fundy brings Friend back to the ruins and returns him to safety.

- Fundy then goes to prank Ponk’s Casino. Ponk comes online.

- Ponk dies to the fall trap.

- Fundy does a fashion show with Ponk, walking down the catwalk. Fundy returns Ponk’s Yeezys and Ponk runs away. Fundy then realizes that Ponk still has Fundy’s boots.

- Ponk comes back and tells Fundy to follow him. He leads him to the Graveyard, saying “you will have your own spot.” Ponk instructs Fundy to kiss the Helga shrine to pay respects. He walks Fundy through the other shrines.

- Finally, Ponk shows Fundy the Sacrifice shrine. Fundy pays his respects.

Ponk: You will be here soon ;)

He then logs off in the shrine, leaving Fundy alone in the Graveyard.

- Fundy says he never dies. He has nine lives, he’s a cat! Well, part cat.

Apparently Fundy is 1/3 cat...oh wait, that’d only be three lives.

- Either way, Fundy wants to finish pranking Ponk

- Fundy explains that he wants to bring everyone together by making everyone hate him, so that they’ll work together. He won’t get what he wants, but at least everyone will be united. 

- He said that while he worked under Schlatt, he thought initially that Schlatt had a good plan for the country. He says that every President was going for the right things, but had their flaws within themselves that brought them down.

Wilbur went insane, Schlatt was focused on his own goals, and Tubbo never wanted any war, and those three things led them to falling into pitfalls.

Schlatt was good for certain reasons, but overall it’s hard to say.

- Fundy then says that he sees Wilbur as someone who left him alone in the world to rot alone. He doesn’t see himself as the one who betrayed Wilbur, but rather that Wilbur betrayed him by exploding L’manburg and leaving him with no father.

- On resurrecting Wilbur, Fundy says that Wilbur could be resurrected at any point -- if it works, even! Say it does work, though: 

“Do we even want that? Let’s be real, ‘cause like, Wilbur’s the cause of everything. Wilbur’s the one who started L’manburg, right? Getting Wilbur back is just gonna repeat the cycle. Ghostbur’s not done anyone harm, been friendly to everyone...might as well bring back Schlatt! ...Might as well bring back L’manburg! Like...do we need it? Is it good? Right? I don’t think it is, chat...I think it’s good the way it is.”

- Character Fundy is canonically in his 20s.

- Fundy finishes his Cube above the Casino.

- He says he’d like to create a new noteblock song on the SMP, but might have to destroy the Able Sisters Theme at the Jungle Base in order to use its materials. He heads to the Jungle Base and plays it a final time, but decides not to destroy it today. Maybe some other day.

- Antfrost has returned to the server after a two-week break! He’s missed...quite a bit.

- Badboyhalo gives Ant a tour. He’s surprised by the state of the Community House, but nothing compares to the shock of seeing the crater for the first time.

- He asks Bad about the state of the factions. If there’s no more L’manburg to lay claim to the crater, and the Dream SMP has no more enemy to oppose and has faded into the background once more, then...

The server is ripe for the taking, isn’t it?

Perhaps this is a good opportunity for the Badlands to grow in power.

- Bad then suggests they visit the Egg. Bad shows Ant the chamber, and how it’s completely full to the brim with vines at this point. Ant isn’t impressed with the job Bad’s been doing to keep the Egg at bay.

- Skeppy comes online. He does the fastest costume change the Dream SMP’s ever seen and becomes Red Skeppy for the Blood Vines Arc to continue. He asks to see the Egg and then starts making his way towards it.

- Bad, Ant and Skeppy all go down to the Egg chamber. Skeppy, once in the chamber, starts hyperventilating and yelling loudly. He logs off inside the chamber and Bad and Ant freak out.

- Ant says that he suspects the Egg and Skeppy have become too intertwined...and says that Skeppy might have to be put down. Bad protests strongly, but Ant insists that it would be a mercy killing.

- Bad says that instead, they should just let Skeppy stay in the chamber and let him live with the Egg for good. Ant says that’s no way to live.

- Ant says that they should take a vote with the rest of the Council. If they vote to kill Skeppy, Ant says that Bad can be the one to do it.

- Bad tries to suggest they try killing Eret instead. Or maybe it doesn’t have to be Eret, but killing any other person! Perhaps every other person on the SMP besides Skeppy, even!

- Ant suspects that the Egg is influencing Bad and brings him to Church Prime to be cleansed. Eret comes over to see what’s happening and Ant tells him to run. There’s a brief chase scene before they come back to Church Prime.

- Eret asks, if they need to kill someone for an experiment, why can’t it be Bad? After more debate, Eret then suggests the possibility of covering Skeppy in Ghostbur’s blue. If the blue can calm down other people, could it possibly calm down Skeppy as well? Badboyhalo suggests holy bathwater.

- Red Skeppy comes back online and comes to Church Prime to drink the Badboyhalo Bathwater.

- Skeppy drinks the bathwater and turns into a horrifying combination monstrosity of Skeppy and Badboyhalo. Skeppy starts talking like Bad, saying “muffins” in every sentence.

- They give Bad-Skeppy a picture of Catboy Skeppy and he seems to like it, putting it in his Enderchest.

- Skeppy drinks more bathwater, then turns into an “Evil?” version of Badboyhalo that swears

- Since Skeppy becomes more and more “Bad” with each bottle of Bad’s bathwater, Ant asks if Bad has any of Skeppy’s bathwater and Bad says the pools might have some.

- Skeppy drinks that water, but instead turns into a horrifying fusion of Bad, Dream, George, Antfrost and Sapnap, who’ve been in those pools. Trance Music for Racing Game starts playing.

DUDUDUDU

- The four attempt to brew the ultimate Skeppy Potion to get him back to normal, but Skeppy has disappeared again.

- Skeppy seems to have left for good this time, and the four are left wondering if they’ll be able to get him back another day.

For now, it seems the Manhunt amalgamation will roam unchecked...

- Ant gives Bad a Catboy Halo picture as a gift for Skeppy.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Council of the Egg Meeting

- Futuristic Tales From the SMP episode

[catching-bananas]

One liner prompt #5 has peak Shorter energy. I can fully imagine him and Sing trying to make a 'happy anniversary' dinner for AshEiji or even just a cake to get AshEiji together and saying that. That cake would be tricked out with glitter and sparklers and lights or something, just absolutely extra. Since you are looking for something to write, how bout prompt 5 or 8???- AnonymousNuisance

5. “I think the edible glitter, might be a bit much.”

8. “….Well I suppose that’s one way of doing things. Wouldn’t have ever thought to use a flamethrower, myself.”

Sing blinked at the monstrosity in front of him and wondered if it was too late to back out now.

“You think it needs something else Shorter?” He raised an eyebrow like he was questioning the older man’s sanity.

“Well? I think we could add some cake pops, maybe some more fondant-”

“I was kidding.”

“But it could still be better!”

“I think you’ve done enough to the poor cake.”

It was three layers tall, and looked like it lost a fight with the blender. Sing swore he could see the eggs shells poking through the fondant. Speaking of which, it was layered on poorly, and because Shorter couldn’t chose a color there was about four layers of fondant on each layer. Every layer had it’s own separate colors.

And oh dear gods the decorations. Layer one was covered with pink glitter, so much so that the color of the fondant couldn’t be seen. On the top there was a dozen cake pops, which bugged Sing because it’s a cake, why do you need cake pops.

Layer two was blue with unlit sparklers and a god awful amount of chocolate. The pink and green squiggles along the side only added to the eyesore.

Layer three was crooked. And lumpy. And the cake looked like some preschooler patted clay with their grubby hands. It was red and orange (Sing thought the fondant was melting to reveal the second layer) and covered with more glitter, this time green, and had tiny chocolate chip cookie dough balls around the edge.

In all, it wasn’t pretty.

“Ash will say there’s too much glitter”, Sing stated, so many insults on the tip on his tongue, but not bringing himself to do say any of them.

“He’ll be fine. They’ll love it!”

“Uh huh...”

~

Bones held the banner up higher, tiptoeing on the chair that was precariously balanced on the table. He wobbled a bit before steadying himself. “Is this good?”

Alex bit his lip. “It would be good if you get down.”

Kong grabbed Bones’ waist. “A little lower.”

Shorter and Sing walked in as Bones (who was a little red in the face) tacked the banner to the wall.

“We brought cake everyone!”, Shorter announced, placing the large brown box on the table. It was in a box as Shorter was nothing if not professional.

“Great.” Alex leaned over at Sing. “How bad is it?”

“My eyes are bleeding.”

“Oh geez.”

“Ya’ll need help decorating?” Shorter glanced at Alex, who straightened up instantly.

“Uh- cough- yeah”, he pointed to the other table, “Cover that with a table cloth please. Then we can put down the chairs.”

“Then Ibe can bring the boys”, Max, who appeared from under the table, mumbled.

Sing made a face. “Why are you under there?”

“Trying to fix a screw.”

Alex and Sing sighed in unison. “This may be a complete disaster.”

Shorter wrapped his arms around each of their necks. “Don’t say that. This will be great!”

~

Three hours later, after a unholy amount of liquor on Max’s part, everyone gathered around for the cake cutting.

“Hey Eiji”, Sing muttered. “If you have anything to say as terms of a complement, say it now before you see the cake.”

Shorter feigned offence as Eiji and Ash chuckled. “Okay okay everyone.” Eiji raised his knife like a glass. “I would just like to thank you for throwing this party in honor of my birthday. “I know Ash didn’t lift a finger to help.”

He smirked at his now pouting boyfriend before continuing. “Everything looks wonderful-”

Wait you see the cake, Sing thought.

“-and I’m sure the cake tastes great”, Eiji smiled. “Now let’s eat.”

Everyone cheered as Eiji opened the box and pulled the cake out. If you asked Sing, it was even worse.

The fondant on the bottom layer completely melted, the chocolate from layer two was dripping on the table, and the chocolate on the cake pops died on the top layer.

Did he mention the cake was sliding? It was sliding.

“Sing-”, Ash began.

“Oh no, this is all Shorter, I have nothing to do with this.”

“Ouch”, Shorter winced, holding his heart. “I think I did an impeccable job.”

“I think the edible glitter, might be a bit much.” Ash poked the top layer.

Sing gave Shorter the ‘I told you so’ look.

“Let’s light the sparklers”, Max insisted, grabbing the lighter next to Ash.

“Oh no, give that, you are to drunk”, Ash tried to grab it but Max ducked it behind his back and laughed. “Don’t be so silly.”

“I shall light this cake with the flamethrower”, Max announced, holding the lit light over the top of the cake. “But we have to sing first.”

Shorter looked at the burning flame with widened eyes. “Uh Max-”

“Everyone on three.”

“Max you should-”

Sing stepped back as far as his legs would take him. “Shorter please tell me you didn’t put a sparkler in the cake.”

“I-”

Ash glared at him and opened his mouth to speak.

“THE CAKE’S ON FIRE!”

Alex ran to the bathroom as Ash grabbed Eiji and pulled him back. Max backed  up but accidently hit the leg of the table and the whole table collapsed.

Alex came rushing past, pushing Bones and Kong into each other and nearly threw the water on Ibe. Ash grabbed the bucket from Alex, and was about to dump the water when the cake exploded.

No one was spared from the sugary bomb.

Sing, Bones and Kong got little snippets, while Ash, Eiji and Alex, who were much closer, were not to lucky. Max had it the worse, he looked like he was painted with it.

Ash grit his teeth, trying not to commit a homicide. “Flour is very flammable, which is why we don’t put candles in the cake.”

Shorter gave him a guilty look. “Sorry about that Eiji.”

“….Well I suppose that’s one way of doing things. Wouldn’t have ever thought to use a flamethrower, myself.”

Everyone blinked at Eiji, who was now tearing up from laughter. He licked some of the icing off his hand and laughed harder.

Suddenly Ash smiled too, and began giggling as well. Soon Shorter and Sing join, then everyone laughed along.

Ash grabbed Eiji’s cheeks and pecked his lips. “Happy Birthday onii-chan.”

“Shut up Ash.”

Shorter and Sing was punished with having to clean up by themselves.

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 19: 2x11 Friday’s Child

Finally watched this week’s TOS. This was a hard day again and I’m tired and basically as soon as the ep ended my mood deflated again but I think I can write up a few notes and then crawl right back into bed again.

Another episode about negotiating for a mining treaty, huh? (I’m keeping track of all of these, roughly, for my own Nefarious Purposes).

The aliens are seven feet tall and they wear silly outfits.

Wow, what a dumbass red shirt. You’d think Starfleet would train people NOT to just randomly draw their weapons in diplomatic situations.

I honestly forgot there were Klingons in this.

DC Fontana wrote this!! I forgot that too.

Lol Kirk just drops the deceased red shirt. And then keeps holding his hands out like ‘what am I to do now?’

“They want to negotiate for our rocks. Our stupid, useless rocks. Everyone wants our rocks! So weird.”

I’m actually kind of surprised DC Fontana wrote a Klingon ep but like... I guess it’s not that surprising given this guy doesn’t even have a name and is also really dumb lol. At least he’s not in brownface.

When Kirk and Spock disarmed I didn’t realize they were throwing down their communicators and I was a little confused as to why they had to carry so many phasers each.

Kirk’s pretty upset about the crewman’s death, which I get, he always goes feral when one of his people dies and I appreciate that about him... but that guy really did fuck up lol.

I like seeing Scotty in command.

Oooh mood lighting in the tent. And Spock is meditating I think.

Emotion is “inefficient and illogical.” No wonder Kirk thinks they can never be in love!!

And yet jealous is also inefficient and illogical and I detect some of it in Spock when the blonde Cappellan comes in.

“They consider combat more pleasurable than love.” Hmm sounds like someone else I know.

... Honestly I wish the Grounders had been like this. I feel like there’s more thought in creating this society in one episode than in creating that one over 7 seasons.

I love Bones in this and his role as cultural translator.

The Federation believes in self-determination.

“The sky does not interest me.”

I really do dig the world building here. There’s so much going on in this one ep, even just in part of an ep, and you really get the sense that this is a whole world with its own rules and customs and values, and its own complex political machinations that our mains have really just wandered into.

Also the soundtrack today is NOT messing around. TV composers just don’t go this hard anymore, sorry.

Oooh now the Klingon’s afraid at the prospect of fighting Kirk.

The Enterprise just walked into a coup I guess.

Lots of fighting! Kirk must be having fun.

Scotty is so commanding! I feel like he and Uhura were already friends at this point. Like whenever he’s in command she seems really comfortable just wandering up to his chair all the time.

Also why are they ALWAYS signing stuff?

Yessss silent triumvirate communication.

“To live is always desirable.” I mean she’s not wrong but so much for being willing to die without a fuss lol.

It’s kind of wild how this ep started out being about a mining treaty and drama with the Klingons and all of this alien political drama and then basically becomes all about saving one (1) pregnant widow (and themselves) from huge, ,hostile aliens in funny feather boas.

Sulu insulting Scotty’s knowledge of ships lol. Not smart.

Can’t believe the Klingon couldn’t get his weapon back but Kirk got his communicators back no problem. Who is the smarter alien?

They’ll find us BY SCENT ALONE what a detail to just throw in there!

Lol this whole scene with McCoy and Eleen is hilarious and ridiculous in equal measure. Like I can’t entirely blame her for not wanting to be touched intimately by a strange alien man (rude!!) but also I do enjoy McCoy’s gruff insistence that he WILL care for his patient. This is what AOs didn’t get about “Grumpy Bones.” He’s not mean, he’s just...not up for niceties when he has a healing to do. He WILL care for you dammit!

And he has soft hands.

Spock is loving this.

Kirk’s subtle reverse psychology. “Well if you don’t think the communicator plan can work” and then Spock like “I didn’t say that exactly...”

They aren’t human, they’re humanoid!

And again, the subtle taunting/goading of Bones: “Well if you can’t do it...”

I’m a doctor, not an escalator! One of the best lines.

Detective Scotty. Kind of ridiculous how he solves the case of the taunting Klingons luring them away from the planet...but then sticks around a bit more just in case.

The child is McCoy’s!

Spock is so uncomfortable with this giving birth thing. “Oh look Captain, vegetation!”

“Just repeat ‘The child is mine.’“ “Yes, the child is yours.” Lol.

Arts and crafts with Kirk and Spock! I love that this is a McCoy ep with subtle space husbands in the background.

Favorite moment though is McCoy trying to teach Spock how to hold a baby. “I would rather not, thank you.”

“Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on...won’t get fooled again.”

I love that Chekov is consciously messing with them about everything being from Russia.

Also the absolute GALL of the Klingons trying the exact same ship luring technique a second time.

Can’t believe that Bones wants to go off and have fun with the boys and just leave the baby alone in the cave. You’re a dad now McCoy!! Be responsible!

“Small patient.” Yes very small!

Cool little robot battle station unfolding at the helm.

I feel like when Kirk and Spock have that exchange about cavalry coming over the hill and Spock says "if by that you mean..." Kirk should have answered, "I thought I just said that." But then that wouldn't be very Kirk of him. He never makes fun of Spock.

This Klingon is not having a good day!

Scotty and the redshirts here to save the day.

I guess Maab wasn’t so bad after all. And Elaan is perhaps a little confusing, but I admire her desire to both save herself and adhere to her people’s traditions, even if those are incompatible desires.

Spock absolutely IS going to consult linguistics about baby talk. Probably Uhura specifically.

LEONARD JAMES AKAAR. Absolutely one of the top 5 final bridge scenes. They really missed an opportunity to return to the planet in a later movie or series and interact with the Teer.Captain Picard meets Leonard James Akaar.

This was a good ep! I really only remembered the Bones and Elaan parts with the baby, so I forgot all of the political machinations and stuff in the beginning of the ep. It’s a pretty solid world building episode and of course, lots of McCoy, can’t go wrong with that.

I actually think it makes a lot of sense for Bones to be the child’s “father” tbh. Like, I know everyone thinks it’s funny but like... in our culture, we assign pseudo-parental roles to people who aren’t blood relatives of children based on the adult’s relationship with the child’s blood relative and that’s arguably weirder. Like you can be a kid’s step father by marrying his mom even if you really don’t have any relationship to him, so why shouldn’t McCoy, who saved Leonard’s mother’s life and delivered him, and convinced her to actually desire to raise him, be considered his “father”? ESP given that this society seems to have no place at all for fatherless children. They just can’t conceive of such a thing. So “father” has to encompass something other than, or not strictly limited to, biological father. She was so quick to assign McCoy fatherhood status, I have to assume this happens a lot, that people take on that role for non-bio children.

Not a lot for Spock to do today but I think he had fun. He got to explode some rocks and make some bows and shoot some arrows. And Kirk got into a lot of fights so I think he enjoyed himself.

I don’t know if I believed the Cappellans were 7 feet tall but they did look broad and alien so I will give them that.

It was nice to see Scotty in command again. I’m so mad at AOS still for making him comic relief. I think he’s actually quite a serious person. Talking with my mom, I’ve decided that the crew can be grouped into ‘cracks jokes through a crisis’ and ‘generally gets very serious in a crisis, reserves humor for calm moments’ and while Sulu, Chekov, and Spock are in group 1, Scotty is definitely in group 2 with Kirk and McCoy. (Uhura seems generally lighthearted and fun loving but not funny per se so I don’t know how to group her.)

Also this is one of the early filmed Chekov episodes (as you can see by the hair) and he spends it, again, at Spock’s station. It’s so obvious he was introduced as Spock’s protege, not as the navigator, which I think is very interesting. Like I want to hear the backstory on that.

Next week’s episode is The Deadly Years, which I remember as being very solid.

[adarlingwrites]

Absolution

Summary:

noun: formal release from guilt, obligation, or punishment

The Capital Wasteland lauded the Lone Wanderer as a hero, a Messiah, a savior who's willing to give her life for the Good Fight. Beyond the legends, the propaganda, and the mythification that surrounded her legacy, there is only one person who knew her bare soul. She gave him his absolution, and now he will fight for hers.

II

February 3, 2278.

Some of the Brotherhood came over to gawk again. A simple growl made them back off, but it doesn’t stop them from throwing an insult about my skin. Not that it fazes me. I must say, I don’t care. Percy though? If she were awake right now, she would’ve mauled those tin cans.

The doctors put Percy in an induced coma. One of the scribes said that being awake for her now would be painful for her.

It’s been six days since the purifier, and I remember an explosion from inside the chamber knocking me back, the glass flying everywhere. When I came to, I saw her lying there, her armor damaged and glasses shattered from the impact, some of the glass piercing her skin. I hauled her out of there. Didn’t let anyone near her, not even Dr. Li. I must’ve looked like a yao guai refusing to let go of their kill to these Brotherhood bigots.

There are holes in my memory, but I remember seeing blood on the floor when they tried to wrench her away from my grasp. If the blood belonged to me, or to one of the tin cans, I can’t recall. My ears were ringing, but I know someone was shouting, telling the power-armored assholes to give me a wide berth.

It wasn’t until Li told me that my partner would probably die if I didn’t let them administer medical attention that I reluctantly laid her body down on a gurney. I stayed by Percy’s side as they wheeled her to the emergency room. The scribes told me to get lost, but a cock of my shotgun made them cease their pestering.

As they hooked her onto life support, I sat down at the ground near the foot of the bed. I barely moved an inch since. The doctors made blood transfusions, pumped her with RadAway, injected a cocktail of chems to keep her sedated, anything to keep her alive.

The worst part was the seizures. I don’t think I can burn those memories away, watching my partner’s body convulse and thrash against the bed.

From time to time, Dr. Li and a few of the scribes who weren’t bigots would send me food and water as they checked on Percy’s condition. With her father dead, there was no next of kin, but they knew how I stuck by her side, they shared the prognosis with me. They mentioned some terms like leukopenia, hypotension, and other terms I couldn’t understand.

All I know is she’s unwell and I can’t leave her.

Tonight, Li approached me and brought some news. Percy is stable, for now. To my surprise, she sat on the floor beside me, and pressed her hands against her face before letting out a nervous sob.

“I barely got to know her and she could be gone anytime. And to think I tried to push her away. God. Not like this...”

I let her continue mumbling.

“I should have known better than to let her in. I shouldn’t have let myself care for her. But that girl is persistent, isn’t she?”

That, I can agree with. Percy wormed her way into my heart, too.

“You,” she spoke. I look in her direction, but she’s looking straight ahead, her thousand-yard stare familiar. “You got her out of that chamber in the nick of time. A few more seconds inside and she… she could’ve ended up like James.”

I couldn’t stop myself from grimacing.

December 26, 2277.

I was watching Percy’s back as she took care of the intake pipes when the Enclave’s vertibirds came flying in.

“Charon. I have a bad feeling about this,” I remember her saying.

The image of the black machines landing near the memorial stirred a feeling of dread. A pressure on my neck choked me despite the lack of anything constricting it. Before I knew it, the dull pressure in the back of my eyes made me pull what’s little left of my hair. My chest hurt like a bitch and it felt like my rib cage was going to explode.

Percy was quick to notice my distress.

“Hey, hey, I’m here,” she cooed in a soothing manner, placing my ruined hands against her soft cheeks to stop me from hurting myself. “Breathe, Charon. Focus on me,” she continues, squeezing my hands. She leads me through the grate to remove me from the situation and turns on her Pip-Boy light.

“Remember what we did in Megaton? Can we do that?” she asks me; it wasn’t a command. “Yes,” I manage to rasp out. My head was spinning, but I focused on her voice to stop myself from blacking out. I won’t let myself black out. She’ll need me .

“Five things you can see?” she starts, and I comply, trying to speak though it feels like I’m choking on mole rat shit. “I see the metal gate. My hands. My feet. The Pip-Boy light. You.”

“Keep going,” she encouraged me, digging inside her pack. “Four things you can touch.”

“I feel the fabric of my shirt,” I continue, sweating hands palming at myself. “I can feel my shotgun,” I rasp, grasping at the barrel. “Warm, right? Like how you like it?” Percy breathes, and I see that she found a bubble gum wrapper and placed it in my palm, before gently closing her hands around my fist. “Yes. I can feel the bubblegum wrapper,” I continue. “I can feel your skin,” I say at last.

“Three things you can smell.”

Her hands stayed on mine. I unclenched my fists, held them, delicate against mine, and pressed them against my ruined cheeks. Percy draws a little closer, her eyes searching mine.

“I think I can manage now,” I exhale, lucid once more.

“Are you sure?”

“I am certain.”

“What triggered it?” she asks me, and I let go of her hands to fetch my shotgun.

“Vertibirds. Enclave. Your father might be in danger.”

Panic replaces the questioning look in her eyes. “We have to help dad.”

We were running back when one of the Enclave soldiers fired plasma rounds at us. I manage to shield my mistress from the onslaught and the hot plasma burns through my armor, exposing my arm. Taking the opportunity, Percy crouches, disappears, and takes out one of the soldiers with her Gauss rifle. I covered her while the panicking soldiers searched for her. We managed to barrel our way through a platoon, and I can hear her sigh of relief when we reached the door to the rotunda.

It was too late when we arrived.

A man who introduced himself as Colonel Autumn was inside the purifier, along with more soldiers in power armor. James was inside, with another scientist in their team. My mistress runs up to Dr. Li, who watches with wary eyes from the other side of the glass.

A shot rang throughout the rotunda. Autumn killed the other scientist.

With no hesitation, Percy and I ran to the entrance of the purifier. She bangs against the glass, calling to her father.

“Dad! Let me in,” she pleads, begs, but her father doesn’t acknowledge her. Gun still pointed at his head, James walked over to the control panel, pressed a few buttons, and then all hell broke loose.

She tried her damn best to pry the blast door open when James locked himself in with the Enclave colonel and radiation started to seep out of the damn chamber. He let his daughter watch as he died a slow and painful death from the radiation, just so she could get away.

She pounded her small fists and threw her shoulder against the glass, but it didn’t budge.

The wild, desperate expression etched on her face will haunt me.

Is that how I looked like when I pounded against the glass?

Was I that afraid to lose her?

February 4, 2278

I was shaken back to reality when the doctor spoke up once more.

“Look, I don’t know about the nature of your relationship with Persephone. I will not pry, and it is not my place to judge, especially after you saved her life. I- I thank you.”

I grunted at her in acknowledgment, and watched as she stood up to glance at Percy one last time.

“Excuse me, I need a small break,” she almost rasps, fatigue evident in her voice, and she shuffles out the door.

Time passed for I don’t know how long, and with a groan, I stood from my usual place at the foot of Percy’s bed and checked the time on her Pip-Boy. She taught me how to operate it in case she gets incapacitated. 00:03. Already past midnight. My legs fell asleep sitting all day, so I walked around in the room. As I pass by the door, I can hear voices on the other side.

“Patient Persephone Zhou’s test results are abnormal,” I hear a scribe say. “Cellular regeneration is remarkable despite lethal radiation exposure. No …”

I press my ear hole against the door upon hearing my partner’s name. I didn’t dare make a single sound.

“She’s being healed by it.”

“Healed? Do you think she’s undergoing… eugh, ghoulification?” one of them says with disgust.

My breath quickens. I wouldn’t wish this… this condition on anyone I cared for. Especially Percy. Not Percy. Rage replaces my anxiousness at the tone of one of the bigots. It has become clear to me that despite all the things my partner did for the Brotherhood, the moment she turns into a walking corpse like me, they’ll be more than happy to dispose of her. I wanted to send the door flying open and strangle the bastards.

But I only kept listening.

“It’s too early to tell. Ghoulification can take years, but at the dose she was exposed to, if it happens, it should be instantaneous. There is no tissue necrosis, and her initial burns are almost healed. We can’t rule it out yet, but there are no symptoms.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“We need to acquire tissue samples. Run tests.”

Footsteps. They’re getting louder. I stop leaning on the door to plant myself firmly on the ground I stand on. The doors swing open, and the scribes almost jump out of their skins when they see me.

“Step aside, ghoul,” one of them spits. The small tremor his hands made while holding the clipboard tells me he’s scared shitless.

“No.”

I take one step towards these bastards and they’re already shouting for backup from the tin cans. Two arrived, but I stood my ground, shotgun in my hands.

“Let the scribes in, zombie,” one of the armored soldiers hissed, pointing her laser rifle at me. “We won’t ask again.”

“What is going on here?” Dr. Li. I lower my shotgun. She’s just in time. I wouldn’t have hesitated to open fire if she didn’t come.

“We’re just here for nightly rounds on the patient-” one of them starts, but Dr. Li waves her hand, dismissing them.

“I am responsible for the well-being of Miss Zhou. The Brotherhood only lent you scribes to assist me, and I don’t need assistance right now. Now please, stop disturbing my patient,” she snaps, the authority in her voice making the haughty scribes back off. I couldn’t help the small, upward tug at the corner of my mouth. Serves you bastards right.

“Call me on the intercom if they pester you again. I need to take Persephone’s blood pressure.”

“They said something about taking samples from her,” I spoke up, and the doctor’s head whips towards my direction.

“Damn them,” she mutters. “Thank you for telling me. Do not, under any circumstances, let them.”

One of my eyebrows cock at the doctor’s orders. “Is there anything I should know?”

Dr. Li stops, sighs, and turns to face me. “With James gone, I know she has no one else but you. I’d prefer if Persephone is lucid and away from this place if I was to breach this topic. Please, you have to understand. It’s unsafe here.”

I nodded at her, and she exhales slowly, unwrapping a pack of bandages to tend to what little burns Percy has left on her.

As I watch the doctor tend to Percy, her words play over and over in my head.

“She has no one else but you.”

[kamwritesshit]

A Prick of Fate

I've finally written something after a while.

This is my take on the Soulmate AU. The pairing is a surprise. Enjoy.

Word count: 4,000 words

Warning: Contains uncensored swearing and mentions of death

He's found his soulmate.

At least, he thought so. Why would he, someone seemingly soulless and blank, have a soulmate in the first place? His hand hovered over the paper airplane but his eyelids begged to drop and drag him to dreamland. Still, he forced his eyes to adjust to the view of the eerily white minuscule aircraft. He blinked a few times, unsure out of exhaustion or uncertainty of the item in front of him. He forced himself to sit and pick it up. The paper pricked his fingers and he retreated as the airplane was dropped onto the comforter, landing gracefully. It looked almost revoking.

He took a sharp intake of breath at the pain and he watched as an unfamiliar name carve itself into his skin. He tried not to gasp at the sight of blood, especially how red it was and how it was glistening despite the dim lighting. He resisted the urge to scream when the name was almost finished writing itself, as the pain increased and increased. He bit on his lip but made sure it didn't bleed. Wouldn't want to add on the extreme he was already experiencing. He might as well be giving birth to a child, albeit he has no right to say or even think that considering, well, he's a biological man.

Arisugawa Homare, it wrote. What a stupidly long name, was his intial thought. Who was this girl and why was he assigned to her? Actually, he shouldn't immediately assume it's a girl. Let him rephrase that: who was this person and why was he assigned to them? Couldn't they have thrown the stupid paper airplane some time later in life? He hoped, whoever they are, felt the pain of his name being carved into them for all of eternity. Though, he thought, maybe this was bound to happen either way, and he'd endure the same pain he suffered before. Still, he gritted his teeth at the lingering pain.

"...Arisugawa...Homare..." he mumbled through his gritted teeth. He didn't know what to feel, most likely because of the surprisingly overwhelming pain. Was he really angry? Or was he somewhat relieved that this happened sooner than he thought it'd happen? He only managed a deep sigh as to not upset himself with a pained gasp or even a cry. He looked at the fated spindle which pricked his fingers. There it sat, still as ever, appearing innocent and harmless when it was the one that shot a thousand bullets into him. Well, mostly his right hand and arm, but he swore he felt the anxiety pound in his heart.

After an hour or so, finally, the pain was completely gone. His breathing slowed to its usual speed (not that he noticed it sped up in the first place) and he noticed that his heart had calmed down. He lied down again and daren't touch that...thing once again. Just as he was about to get comfortable, his whole body tingled and he felt insanely hot. Is this actually the aftereffects of the discovery of your soulmate? Sweat dripped from his forehead and he started to breathe heavily again. This amount of pain — as much as he'd hate to admit it, he didn't like it one bit. And he was actually hurting. He immediately sprang up and in the blink of an eye, he was out the door.

He needed to see the doctor. He doubted that these signs were typical for someone who recently discovered who their soulmate is and so he must go, pathetically enough. He ran in the shadows, a skill he honed god-knows-when and hid himself from the public eye. Surprisingly enough, the town was hustling and bustling, even at midnight when even the skyscrapers should be asleep. Nonetheless, he raced through the crowd, breathing heavily to restrict himself from screaming. The pain was surging, pumping, bleeding in him now. It hurt. A lot. More than he ever thought it would. He could not stress this to his own mind and body enough. To his surprise, the running didn't made it any worse. At least something was in his favour.

He ran and ran, searching for a clinic, so he could at least tumble down and beg for help, though he's quite untalented at the latter, considering he has been living by himself all this while and hasn't died yet. The former, however, was how he has been living his life. Constantly tumbling down onto his bed to sleep, sleep, and sleep. On some days, he's just tumble onto the cold hard tiles of his bathroom from exhaustion. The fact that he managed to land a job at the local convenience store is shocking enough to both him and his peers. He had heard piercing insults being whispered among the staff – "He's so lazy." "He doesn't even like to smile." "If he wants to sleep all the time then this isn't the fucking place." – but he doesn't care. At least, he pretends to.

Finally, after a few minutes of unconfined sprinting (albeit it felt like hours), he found one and thanked whatever deity watching over him for its deserted surroundings and seemingly lonesome interior. He walked in and sat down quickly, as he was already swaying by the time his first planted his foot on the smooth tiles of the establishment. He didn't bother opening his eyes as his head was starting to spin. Great. The one thing he thought was to his advantage turned out to eat at him in the end. Should've stole a bike, at least. He heaved and heaved, he felt like his lungs were going to burst. He couldn't even stand up to ask for some assistance regarding his situation.

"Oh dear. Can somebody lend a hand, please? He's quite out of sorts," he heard a voice call out, but not to him. He attempted to open his eyes then to see whoever it was that took notice of his presence and, of course, his pain. But he found it difficult as he curled up even more in his seat, similar to that of a cat asleep. Except a cat being asleep is no way in any pain unlike what he was experiencing. He liked that about cats; they never have to experience this excruciating pain humans have to go through. Or, for some humans, the pain they'd feel knowing that they'll never go through it. He felt lightheaded then, as if he waddling through dreamlamd when wide awake. He never felt that before, seeming as he's quite the heavy drinker.

He felt himself being lifted off his cosy seat and onto a stretcher of some sorts — he knew for, again, it was another skill honed without memory of why and when. He flinched, flinched and flinched, thinking that this may be how he ends. But then he recalled; no one has ever died from being pricked by the fated airplane. Even so, he thought he could set a world record. First man to ever die by pricking his fingers on the paper airplane of his fated soulmate. It sounded flashy enough for people to believe and gossip about, and maybe there was a chance for him to be known for the right reasons in this world.

His world was spinning, spinning, spinning, even with his eyes tightly shut and still. He felt the world beneath him rattle and shake, like an earthquake the average child would be frightened of. Too bad he was the...not-so-average adult. He lurked in the shadows, slept 24/7 if work wasn't there to interrupt, received the paper airplane of destiny and slightly killing himself bit by bit in the process of attempting to cradle it in his hands. He still thought he deserves a world record. He tried blinking but it was to no avail. Not only did the blinding lights made him want to shut the world out but the pain. It's still there and it wants to kill, kill, kill. At least, he assumed so.

"Don't worry, we'll..." he had heard initially, but the rest of their words fell on his deaf ears. He saw colours spiral around in the darkness he was witnessing but there was no sound; he expected for the colours to crackle and explode, like fireworks do at summer festivals. Summer festivals. He hasn't been to one yet. Mostly because he doesn't see the point in going. It's like any other event and celebration. Pointless and fleeting. He wished oh-so-much that the pain was the latter. Fleeting. But it seemed as if his body disagreed. It wanted to hurt itself, for whatever reason, not help him find his soulmate like its original purpose was.

He passed out, million sharp eyes on him, yet none could penetrate his thoughts or his pain.

⛌

"Hey, can you hear me?"

He had heard, which should answer their question already but unfortunately, he has to answer since they wouldn't know that, considering they weren't...him. The lights were on full brightness as usual and they threatened to knock him back to sleep as they shone and stabbed his eyelids with their rays of filtered light. Still, he forced himself to at least attempt to open his eyes at the strangely calm voice of whoever's calling out to him, which would probably a doctor or nurse. He blinked, blinked, blinked; and then he was looking straight at a bar of light — the typical LED. But he didn't care about that. It was blinding, thus it was bad.

"You're awake. Good. You're lucky that someone was there to call for our help. Or who knows what might've happened," someone else's voice piped up pointingly at him and he could feel his usual irritation with most human beings awakening. Still, he nodded slowly, his restless body refusing to cooperate with him. He began to sit up but a sharp pain wounded him in his chest and it forced him back down, almost knocking him out again. The two whom he interacted with rush over to check up on him and make sure he doesn't accidentally kills himself. He started coughing and swore he could see a bit of blood spill over the bed(?).

"Oi, stay still! You're still in bad condition, we just managed to lessen the pain for you," the man, he saw now, scolded and sighed. He obeyed and it's as if he has turned to stone. He tried not to let his eyelids fall and drag him into dreamland once again, but he thought again; preventing himself from doing had lead him here in the first place. So maybe he should let them shut the whole world out and venture his own for a few hours. At least he can ignore the pain and, if he were to die, he'd spend his last moments in his beloved little universe.

He stayed still for what felt like hours, when really it was a few minutes. Still, he felt...reinvigorated somehow. Born anew. He felt the pain lessen and lessen and lessen, to the point where he had forgotten how pain feels. He hoped the process didn't lead to a much, much more painful punishment and it didn't. Just like that, the pain was gone. Huh, he wondered. He shouldn't have underestimated the authority clinic doctors have. He waited a few minutes to open his eyes (he realised he has been shutting them this whole time — must be out of habit) and when he does, nothing seemed to be going wrong for once. He saw the light but it wasn't as blinding as it was before. He was strong enough to sit up and not have pain pin him to the bed again and again.

"I assume you're okay now," the lady, he now saw, offered a smile. He didn't know how to do that but he attempted at the very least, as thanks for saving his life. Actually, was his soul on the verge of death in the first place? It must've been, considering how much it hurt. But then again, he doesn't really know how a near-death pain feels like. He slightly shivered at the thought of a pain more agonising than what he had experienced minutes ago. He could see that the lady was trying not to frown and bring his mood down than it already was. He heard footsteps and fully expected the man to walk in and scold him again but it turned out to be another person, who seemed much calmer than the man or the lady.

They didn't pay attention to him at first so he took the time to fully observe and read them. They had silky and long platinum hair, which almost matched their long-fingers hands which looked smoother than a mirror. They had glassy yellow eyes that were almost cat-like, though the glasses seem to be surpressing that fact to make them look less intimidating. He couldn't see what his name tag read but it started with "Yuki". Before he could stare at them more, the person strutted over to him and sat down on a chair as their eyes landed gently on their patient. He wondered if this doctor thought what everyone thought of him; erratic, lazy, depressed, and much, much more.

"Good morning. My name is Yukishiro Azuma, as you can see here. It seems like you're all fine and dandy now, aren't you?" they spoke (revealing to be a 'he') oh-so-softly and smiled, seeming much more feminine than the lady. But he wasn't one to judge. They all saved his life and that's all that matters. He nodded in response; he really liked how calming this man was and he didn't want to ruin it for the both of them. But sadly enough, Yukishiro Azuma wasn't Arisugawa Homare. He almost forgot about that name, although it was one of the things that brought so much pain in the first place.

"Fufufu, you're quite obedient, aren't you? Don't worry, you weren't the first to stumble into our doors like that. We have more than enough experience," Dr. Yukishiro elaborated and he felt somewhat sad he couldn't snatch the world record he kept daydreaming about. Nevertheless, he continued to nod as a response and hope it conveyed 'Thank you so much for saving my life, can I go home now?' as strongly as possible. Dr. Yukishiro chuckled and stood up to walk away, marking the end of their conversation. But before he disappeared, he dropped one last line.

"There's someone who wants to see you. And I think you might want to see them too," he said and then he was gone. He was left dumbfounded who would want to meet him at such an hour? Actually, what time was it anyway? The doctor said good morning so it must be morning. He got off from his bed and walked out of the room, escorted by the lady from before (Tachibana Izumi, the name tag read). His eyes immediately landed on the only other patron there, and they seemed to be asleep, with their head knocked backwards and leaning against the wall. He could feel the chill of the walls just by looking at them being sound asleep.

He walked slowly towards them, as he didn't want to seem too excited for they were his initial saviour. As he slowly inched closer, he took notice of their...unique haircut and colour. He also noticed the quite formal attire they donned, making them seem like a teacher or professor of sorts. He sat down beside them, unsure of whether he should wake them up as they were sleeping so peacefully. He always felt angry and annoyed whenever his neighbours would wake him up in the middle of a deep, deep sleep and thought they wouldn't want the same thing. He tried not to lean on their shoulder from the usual drowsiness that was coming back to him. But that dispersed quickly when he saw what was written on their arm.

Mikage Hisoka, it read. He could feel the anger surging through him now and the adrenaline he initially felt from running across yards and yards of road tar pulse back into rhythm. Luckily enough the pain wasn't there to haunt him for the millionth time for the last few hours. He placed his hands gently on their shoulders and he slowly inched his way up. Up, up, and up until...

"What the hell are you doing? Get your hands off him!"

The man from before. Mikage sighed and he let his hands fall limply to his sides. A shame, really. He might not remember how and why he knows how to do it but what he does remember is how to do it swiftly, without a trace left behind, but it seemed as if that skill was slowly fading away from memory. Or perhaps, it was something else, considering the person he tried to choke was his soulmate, not just any other person. His soulmate. The person he'll be forever bonded to. He cringed at the thought of it and slightly shivered, remembering the pain he felt because of this stupid soulmate thing in the first place.

"Whether you like it or not, he's your soulmate. You can't do jack shit about that," the man barked – Furuichi Sakyo, the name tag screamed – and approached him. Furuichi (Doctor? Nurse? Something in between?) gripped Mikage's shirt, a big portion of it in his balled fist, and stared daggers into his eyes. Too bad for him though, his eyes were already too blinded by the LEDs to be blinded by a few metaphorical daggers. He didn't feel threatened, no, not at all. Somehow, he was used to this. He only blinked a few times and Furuichi let go furiously before strutting back into the abyss that was the clinic. To his dismay, the man beside him had woken up, stretching his arms and yawning very loudly.

The man – actually, Arisugawa Homare – looked to him and smiled radiantly, as if he took the sun and shoved it into every fibre of his lips and possibly being. Mikage was unsure if he liked it or not. That smile and the eccentric aura and vibe he was giving off. He saved his life but at the same time, he was the one who put him through so much pain in the first place. He was conflicted. He only replied to his smile with a confused yet longing gaze, questioning his every intention. Why did he threw that paper airplane? Why did he help him? Why was he so radiant and eccentric? Mikage wondered this questions as if they will never be answered.

"Hello, my darling soulmate. It seems you are well once more," Arisugawa finally spoke for the first time when his darling soulmate wasn't preoccupied with heaving and on the verge of death. It was a bit jarring, to say the least. This teacher-slash-professor-looking man, who was gentle and careful with his words (not as much as Dr. Yukishiro but still), one who inflicted so much pain even if indirectly, with a haircut worse-looking than a mop, was his soulmate. He wanted to kneel and ask the fates — why was he destined to be with this man? Because for one, he was one would describe as "heartless" and "unloving", though he begged to differ.

"Is something the matter?" the mophead asked and widen his eyes in confusion. Mikage noticed his shrinking and slit-like red pupils, like bloody icicles on a particularly icy and dangerous day. They attracted him like a magnet, slowly pulling in and then all at once, he found himself lost in his eyes. The red surrounded him like dark clouds on a thunderous night and the questions he had were being dragged out of him. He screamed but there was no echo to screech in response. And with that, his soulmate understood. "I see. You wish to know why I threw the fated airplane," the other man snapped him back to reality and he nodded furiously, more furious than he ever had done in his life. Arisugawa chuckled and shifted in his seat.

"You see, dear Hisoka, I was naive. I insisted of entering a relationship with a woman before discovering who my fated soulmate is and that, as it should, lead only to ruin and heartbreak. As I was reminiscing on the fragments of memories we had shared, I was surprised to find my hands folding a paper airplane. And without further thinking, I threw it out my window and it flew into the world, oblivious yet all-knowing. It flew right to you and, I'd assume at the very least, your name was carved into my arm the very moment mine was carved into yours," he narrated as he caressed the name on his arm oh-so-lovingly.

As always, he was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He's constantly at a lost for words but this time it felt wrong somehow. Almost guilty for being silent. They only knew each other for, what, a few hours excluding the ones when he was knocked out? And yet he was speaking as if they knew each other for a decade. Mikage wanted to state that they barely knew each other but somehow, he found himself not wanting to break the other man's heart a second time. He was...sympathetic. And somewhat compassionate. He didn't necessarily liked it but it wasn't something he hated either. Maybe this soulmate thing was doing something good for him after all.

"I acknowledge your worries. We do not know each other well, unlike most fated soulmates; but I accept you with open arms. We shall take the time to befriend each other and fall in love. I am willing to bare my soul but in exchange, so will you. What say you?" Arisugawa offered and looked into the other's eyes, impatiently searching for an answer. As much as he hated to admit it, Mikage could easily get lost in his eyes and swim in an endless sea of red, but he knew he had to think of an answer. His eyes might be enchanting but his heart was still conversing with his mind.

'What do you think, Heart?'

'I have felt nothing for decades and you're asking me to feel for someone I barely know?'

'But maybe it'll be worth our while. It's time for some change.'

The whole lobby was silent, save for their breathing and pounding of hearts. Mikage's heart refused to halt but his mind was out of the woods. People always told that you should always go with the preaching of your guts and follow the singing of your heart. But he was soulless and blank. But maybe it's time to write something on that blank slate and fill it with some soul. His heart sang yet again.

'...I suppose.'

And with that, his arms were thrown around the taller man, he felt less than empty but he couldn't say that he was feeling something, unfortunately enough. But as soon as his soulmate rubbed his back reassuringly, he could feel...warmth. If warmth was what he was feeling. He held onto him tighter, as if his life depended on it. Maybe all that pain and adrenaline was worth meeting him. Worth feeling these other feelings. Worth a change of pace.

"Deal," he promised, as another paper airplane dashed out the clinic door, searching for its unsuspecting victim. And Mikage hoped, with all the compassion his steel heart could muster, that the recipient and sender know that the pricks and pain and adrenaline will be worth their while, as cheesy as that sounded in his head. He might've had no right to think that, since he had never open up his heart for anything but, like his soulmate, he was willing to try. If he'd try, then so will anyone else.

Screams could be heard in another room.

[schrijverr]

Professor Elric?

After The Promised Day Edward is sent on a miliary mission to Hogwarts where he will teach Alchemy to his students. He is told not to interfere with their business, but he has a hard time not getting involved with this weird Voldy prick.

On AO3.

Ships: Edwin and Romoine mentioned

Warnings: mentions of canonn deaths

Chapter 10 out of 10

~~~~~~ ~~~~~ 

He found them talking to a bunch of adults with Death Eater unconscious and tied down around them. He was then quickly introduced to the Order by an excited Hermione, who then told him enthusiastically about how she saved Sirius’ life using Alchemy. The man in question thanked him for teaching Hermione so that he could live to see another day.

Edward waved it away and told them about what happened outside while they were still fighting the Death Eaters here. He got some perplexed looks when he told them he’d shot Voldemort in the face. They looked like they didn’t believe him so he showed them the gun and said: “You can go look at the body, but you’ll be swarmed by media there, so do it at your own risk.”

“The media? And you left Harry there?” Sirius said outraged, it was nice to know the man cared so much about his godson.

“No, Dumbledore took him back to Hogwarts, I think.” Edward replied, “And we should go back to Hogwarts too, you guys have a lot of explaining to do. What were you thinking? Sneaking off to the Ministry like that, you guys are lucky I gave Harry my phone number and he had the mind to use it or this could have had a whole other ending, for example your dead bodies lying on the ground.”

He looked at the students, who all shuffled in their place uncomfortably. When he was certain they had understood how careless they had been, he crossed his arms and said: “You are lucky I don’t do house-point, because you would have lost a lot otherwise. Now show me how you got here.”

Dejectedly the kids showed him to an exit where a few black bony horses with wings were waiting. Edward looked at them in wonder and asked: “What are those?”

A girl with light blond hair dreamily said: “They’re Thestrals, you can only see them once you’ve seen death.”

“Great.” Edward said under his breath.

“Who did you see?” the girl asked.

He could feel the looks of the others and he sighed: “Who haven’t I seen?”

He’d gotten a far away look in his eye as he thought of everyone who had died. He remembered all of their faces with life, fighting spirit then looking at nothing, no fire in their eyes. It just was unfair that after all his sins he was still alive, but mom wasn’t. How could it be that there would be no one to see Elicia grow older. Why did Selim get to grow up again, while Nina never could? How could it be that he was breathing, but Fu wasn’t. Why should he live and Martel die or Greed or the rest of the crew. How was it fair that Captain Buccaneer died for Amestris while defending something else than his Fort Briggs? Why was everything so unfair in death?

He took a deep breath and shook it off. The girl was still looking at him with unblinking eyes, he smiled at her and said: “You helped today, you made sure you never have to see a battle field or a city in ruins. Remember that.”

If she hadn’t expected that, she didn’t show. She just gave Edward a mysterious smile and said: “The Thestrals like you, don’t sit near their wings too much.”

Then she climbed on one and waited for the others to join her.

~

Hermione got of the Thestral with the rest. All were making their way over to Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing, all but Mister Elric. She lagged behind then turned around to go over to him. He raised one of his brows at her and she began: “Mister Elric, I-”

Mister Elric cut her off: “Hermione, after that you can call me Ed, it’s short for Edward. We’re not that far apart.”

“Okay, Ed.” it felt kind of strange on her mouth, but it fit him better than Mister Elric, “I wanted to ask what you’re going to do now. Will you come back next year?”

Ed shook his head: “No, sorry, this year was good for me. I needed a break from helping rebuilding Central and Ishval, but I’ve healed a bit and there are mistakes I need to fix at home. I’m not made for the easy life.”

“Oh.” it was the only thing she could say.

“Don’t be sad. You still have to take my very hard exam and after that, well, you can write me if you want, I think I would like to know what great things you do.” he said with a genuine smile, “Besides, you still need to tell me how I can donate to S.P.E.W.”

She smiled back and said: “I will, don’t worry. Can I ask you something else?”

“I would be concerned if you didn’t ask questions.” Ed laughed.

Hermione rolled her eyes, but still asked: “Did you mean it? What you said to Luna, I mean. Were you serious?”

“Yeah, I did. Kids shouldn’t fight a war, they shouldn’t have to fear for their safety and worry about the future of the world, you fought a battle today, but you didn’t fight a war and that’s what matters. You never know how it’s gonna go, but you know you prevented the worst. Anyway, I’m just rambling, talking wisdom like I’m Teacher or something.” he shuddered.

Hermione giggled and said: “You like to act dumb, but you’re pretty wise.”

Ed smirked and said: “I am dumb, ask anyone I know and they tell you and I hope you’re not as dumb as me, because I’m still waiting to ask out a girl I’ve known for years, cause I’m so scared. Be smart, Hermione.”

He looked over her shoulder than back at her and gave her a meaningful look. She turned around and saw Ron on his own, still waiting on her, she whirled around and mouthed: “Really.”

“Be smart, Hermione.” he repeated with a grin, then he turned around and walked away, he waved with his right hand and she could see his automail where his glove had been ripped. He called over his shoulder: “Do well on my exam.”

~

Ring, Ring, Ring

“Ugh, yeah, hello this is General Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, speaking. Who is calling a government line?” Roy answered the phone.

From the other side a cheery voice he knew all to well came: “Bad news, I got involved. Good news, there’s no wizard war to worry about anymore!”

“What did you do now, Fullmetal!” Roy roared into the line.

“Sheesh, nothing much bastard, but expect a bill about the Ministry of Magic interior, although Hogwarts might have to cover it.” Roy could basically hear the air of dismissal in that statement.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he imagined the stacks of paperwork that would follow his youngest subordinate out of England. Fullmetal didn’t seem to care, because he cheerily said: “I’ll be back tomorrow to give you a full report. See you then!”

“Don’t you hang up on me.” Roy yelled, “You explain yourself, now.”

“Nah, I think I’ll do that tomorrow, I want to see your face while I tell you.” the smug little shit said, he went on asking: “Hey, are we sending anyone as a replacement for me? If so who?”

Roy decided it wasn’t worth the fight, so he said: “We were thinking of sending Armstrong over, if they’ll have us after your stunt.”

“Don’t worry so much, of course they will.” he could visualize Fullmetal waving his concerns away, “But, Armstrong you say? Those poor little bastards.”

An evil glint got into Roys eyes as he said: “Yeah, little, like you.”

As expected Fullmetal exploded: “WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THE BUGS WON’T EVEN NOTICE IF THEY-”

Beeeeeep.

“Bye, Fullmetal.” Roy said to the cut of line.

He smirked to himself, but that smirk was quickly wiped away by Hawkeye, who told him she was kind enough to bring him the new paper work, since it seemed he had time to insult Elric, so he must be done with his last stack.

[rhalgrs]

4, 19, 32, 40, 45! (Gryphon, Ao, and Schach!)

So this is probably going to be long lol - I’ll go through each question at a time, and skip whatever characters I have nothing for, or nothing applies to. It’s all under a ‘read more’

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Gryphon-four: 

Four grew up in the city-state of Ala Mhigo. The only thing they remember about Ala Mhigo from their childhood is imperial rule, and their parent’s stories of how it was before. Every day, they saw Garlean soldiers marching the streets, they saw the image of a strong empire that supposedly protected its people, they saw the dwindling supplies of food at home, the shrinking pile of savings, their parents hiding their tears from their child as they tried to figure out how to continue providing safety for their child. The constant incidents shaped their view of the world - a fierce pride and protectiveness of Ala Mhigo, and a blinding hate for anything Garlean. 

The last straw that convinced them to leave for the Ala Mhigan Resistance at merely 17 was being caught stealing a sack of flour, consequently having their pinky cut off on the spot to make an example to everyone, and at that moment their decision to join the Resistance shaped the rest of their life. They’re not shy in telling people about how they used to live and why they joined.

Ao: 

Ao used to be quite the bright and sunny personality, excitable and willing to take on any job as a fresh adventurer, pleased to help anyone and everyone. At one point, he took on a job that brought him to the cold reaches of Coerthas. The job was to slay a creature that had been spotted near an abandoned outpost, as it was causing trouble and potentially nesting there, and the knights and dragoons were busy in areas that were actually strategically important. Ao was confident he could take on it himself - plus, the reward for slaying it was rather appealing. Unused to the cold and snow, however, he was soon caught up in a whiteout of a blizzard, cold biting deep into him, mistakenly assuming the snow would soon cease. So, there he sat, hunched over in the cold, trying to not let the snow settle and bury him, when a wyrm very much bigger than anticipated found him. 

The resulting fight looked like a massacre. Fresh blood splattered across the trampled snow, a broken and bloodied dragon dying with torn wings and maimed tail. Ao lay beside it, clutching its severed talon to his chest as proof of his victory - but wounded. A blow every here and there leaving him with bruises and a general sense of pain, perhaps a broken limb… and crimson staining the ground, flowing from a deep wound in his throat - a misstep leading to him nearly dying. He only survived thanks to a trader and his pack chocobo finding him after passing through and examining the struggle they’d seen from a distance. 

Ultimately, his throat was damaged to the point he could no longer speak without pain, leaving him essentially mute and with scars across his face and down his neck. It was a hell of a reality check to show him he wasn’t invincible. His time recovering led him to be depressed for a while, and once he did get better, he stayed quieter, less flashy, and his instincts caused him to grow more cautious. He tries not to bring it up, and if he’s asked about it, all he’ll be able to manage is telling some half-truths. 

Schach: 

As a young adult just trying to figure out what to do with his life, Schach had no idea what he wanted, jumping around from engineering to music making. One evening, a walk in the nearby forests led Schach to get lost for hours, not realizing he didn’t know where he was until he stumbled across a ranger taking samples by coring trees. After a bit of chatter, he learned what this person was doing, eventually talking about what they’d studied and learning that the ranger had studied forestry. He never realized his passion for the environment and flora could grow into a career, but at that moment he decided that what this park ranger had explained was exactly what he wanted to do, and ultimately went into studying the field of forestry with no doubts.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Four: 

They’re too willing to give up literally anything for their job, including relationships - they’ve taught themselves how to not get too attached. A handful of times they’d actually gotten into a relationship, hiding their occupation from their partner, only to abruptly break things off or vanish with no explanation. Mostly, it was simply because they had to move for work, and they claim they don’t really care and that relationships are just a cover for a normal life. Their previous partners really don’t like them because of this. 

Ao: 

He really just doesn’t know what he’s looking for, and he’s a little eccentric in how often he might actually see them, considering how often he travels. He’s a little unstable at this point, too, and would be far too worried about if he’s being a good partner or if his partner even cares for him - at any rate, he just hasn’t found anyone he wants to date yet.

Schach:

Really, the biggest flaw would be how he might get too engrossed in his research and not quite notice if his s/o is in a bad mood or doesn’t want to hear more of it. Their attention is not always quite there, and while he is incredibly caring and gentle, he just is oblivious to how little he might pay attention at times. 

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Ao:

If he’s put into a situation where he can’t solve problems by either fighting or running away, he’ll grow incredibly uncomfortable. Pretty much, he hates being confronted or being insulted without the ability to retaliate in any way. 

Schach:

He definitely likes having groups of people to discuss work with around him, and never minds participating in a bustling academic fair! As soon as he’s in social gatherings around, let’s say, groups of drunk people or others who are only there to mess around with friends and not have conversations with, he gets self-conscious. He really doesn’t know what to talk about to others if they’re not interested in his work, and realizes not everyone cares enough to talk about academic work or field research.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Four:

They’ll be courteous enough - maybe a bit paranoid with food workers, watching like a hawk what they do with food they’re preparing to make sure it’s not poisoned or anything. 

Ao:

He tries to be nice, and if he could he’d strike up a conversation, but usually his interactions with them are either pointing and gestures, or writing out stuff on paper if need be - the bare minimum of communicating what he needs. 

Schach: 

He’ll definitely just try to chat with them for a minute or two if they’re genuinely nice to him, and has ended up befriending a few vendors he frequents. Aside from that, he also works to help supply lumber to a few merchants, so he knows his way around some rather specific markets quite well. 

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Four:

They would like to believe that when they die, their soul is carried into the Halls of the Twelve. They fear that they’ve done too many bad things to ever go there. Thinking about how they might really simply disappear in a burst of aether scares them. 

Ao:

He doesn’t think about it a lot. His attitude is ‘what happens, happens’. His brushes with death made him think how the only thing he cares about is staying alive. 

Schach:

If you ask him what happens, he’ll launch into an incredibly detailed discussion of how your soul will explode into a burst of aether and then re-enter the lifestream, and how your body will decompose and find its way back to the earth. This doesn’t really scare him. Instead, he’ll rather cheerily tell you that he’d like to have a tree planted on his resting place after he dies so he can give back to the environment. 

[mst3kproject]

Uninvited

Uninvited was directed by Greydon Clark of Angels Revenge and stars Clu Gulager, who was in San Francisco International but definitely not in The Touch of Satan.  Oh, and it’s a movie about a mutant bloodthirsty kitty-cat.

Yes, you did just read that sentence.  See, while our feline antagonist may look like an adorable fluffy orange baby, he has a deadly secret.  When angry or in pain, he coughs up a horrible hairball that becomes Hulk Kitty.  Hulk Kitty grows to the size of a mountain lion, kills everybody that annoyed it, and then shrinks down again to crawl back inside Normal Kitty, whom I shall call Creamsicle.

We begin with Creamsicle and Hulk Kitty escaping from a Secret Lab, hidden in plain sight in a building in the middle of Fort Lauderdale.  A day or so later, a couple of bathing-suited bimbos on Spring Break are pounced upon by some rich creep named Walter, who invites them along on a cruise on his yacht in the hopes of getting laid.  The girl in turn invite along a couple of douchebags they met at a marina, and pick up Creamsicle when they find him in a garbage can and fall in love with him.  Walter, meanwhile, brings along his buddy Mike, as the two of them are using their ‘cruise’ as cover for escaping to a tax haven in the Cayman Islands.

Does this sound like a bunch of annoying assholes stuck on a boat with a murdering monster?  Sure does. Would you be surprised if I told you there’s a storm coming and the guy steering the boat is drunk?  Of course you wouldn’t.  How about if I told you Hulk Kitty is venomous?  That seems like a little much, doesn’t it?  Well, that’s what this whole movie is like.  It takes everything you can imagine sucking in a film and turns it up to eleven.

Take the characters… please.  None of them have any personality or subtlety. Mike is nothing but an Evil Businessman and Walter is a horny Evil Businessman.  The girls are empty-headed blow-up dolls, equally willing to doff their bikinis for Walter or for these assholes they met on the beach.  The guys are boring jerks who would definitely be wearing crocs and Oakley sunglasses if those had been commonly available in 1988.  The two who are destined to survive are Hedgeworth, the douches’ nerd friend, and Rachel, the yacht captain, neither of whom we even meet until at least twenty minutes into the movie.  Maybe this is to preserve the surprise of who lives and who dies but it just comes across as bad writing.  Honestly the character I come closest to identifying with is Mike, who’s trapped on the boat with all these fucking idiots and it’s making him want to shoot somebody.

Take the situation.  Walter actually wants to leave the kids behind while he leaves the country because they’ll be in the way, but the yacht’s entire crew quits because he over-works and insults them, and the bimbos volunteer themselves and the boys as replacements.  Only slightly less forced is the bit where he wants the cat sent back to shore but keeps it because he figures if he gives in, the bimbos are more likely to sleep with him later. And oh, yes, people do go to investigate What That Strange Noise in The Dark was.  They do stop to lick each other’s tonsils while there’s a monster running around.  They do destroy the radio so nobody can call for help.  It’s like a checklist of ways to get killed in a monster movie.

Take the acting.  George Kennedy mostly looks like he’s on the verge of falling asleep and nobody else much bothers.  They go through the motions with all the enthusiasm of people who know they’re in a dirt-cheap movie about a killer kitty cat… except for Shari Shattuck as the blonder of the two bimbos (her name is Suzanne and her friend is Bobbie, if you care – I didn’t) who really goes all out during her supposed nervous breakdown in the final half-hour.  Boy, she sucks.  It’s like she can act with her facial expressions or her voice, but not both at the same time.

Take the editing.  We cut from a scene in the dark on Walter’s yacht, anticipating the party that’s going to happen later, to a scene in broad daylight where a gas station attendant is giving Creamsicle a saucer of milk.  Is this the next day?  Is it the same evening?  Have we gone back in time?  It can’t be Australia because nobody has an accent.  What happened to the yacht party?  Only a few minutes later do we learn that we actually skipped the party even though the events so far seemed to be building to it.  Later, we cut from everybody just hanging out on the boat by day feeling like it’s the end of the world, to the middle of the storm at night, with no build-up at all.  The plot moves in such fits and starts it almost gives you whiplash.

How about the special effects?  When Creamsicle disgorges Hulk Kitty, he does so in the form of a hand puppet that barfs up an even sillier hand puppet.  There’s a scene in which the driver of a truck is attacked by this from the back seat, and you can clearly see the arm sticking out of the back of the puppet.  The puppeteer is wearing a blue shirt.  When Rachel and Hedgeworth are in the lifeboat in the storm, they’re obviously on a dark soundstage while somebody sprays them with water from a single nozzle. The boat is being shaken and the camera is rocking, but it’s clear they’re nowhere near the ocean.  The nearest thing to an effect that works is when people swell up and explode as a result of the Hulk Kitty venom.  This is fake blood being pumped into latex appliances, but at least it’s nice and gross.

Then there are, of course, the million little details that add amusement value to a movie like this.  Like the guy’s wet socks drooping off his feet when he dives into the ocean to try to save a friend.  Like the fact that Walter turns on the bubbles before having a co-conspirator drowned in his hot tub.  The fact that a truck crashing is represented by stock footage of a totally different truck. The fact that Creamsicle’s meowing is a recording of the same single meow played over and over.  This would have to be a Jonah episode because I don’t think earlier incarnations of the show could riff fast enough to keep up with this movie’s bullshit.

This all means that Uninvited is plenty of fun to watch, even when it’s stupid people doing stupid things.  There are long-ish scenes of bimbos kissing jerkwads but they don’t go to the point where it gets frustrating.  When stuff starts happening, it’s usually silly enough to make us giggle.  Characters die largely of their own stupidity, but we didn’t like them anyway so we’re not turned off by that.

The camera does leer at the women, but it does so mostly through the eyes of male characters we’re not supposed to like. Walter and the two douches from the Marina (their names are Corey and Lance, because of course they are) are a bunch of sexist assholes, and the long shots that pan over the women’s swimsuited bodies happen when they enter the room.  This almost allows Greydon Clark to get away with it – by using the shots to suggest that the men are jerks, he can objectify his cheesecake and claim to respect it, too.  I’m not at all fooled, but I’m kind of impressed by the thought he put into it.

When I reviewed The Corpse Grinders I spent some time discussing the question of why cats.  In that movie I figured it was because cats seem more likely to turn on us than dogs and because they were cheaper to work with.  In Uninvited there seems to be something similar going on.  We all suspect that inside our cats is a wild animal just waiting to get out – just watch your house pet stalk the squirrels on the other side of the kitchen window if you don’t believe me.  Creamsicle’s inner monster is a very literal one, and it takes the form of something much like the big, predatory jungle beasts that are so closely related to our pet kitties.  The fact that Creamsicle himself is a really, really adorable cat helps drive the point home.

If you squint, you can also find a pro-environmental message in Uninvited.  The scientists at the beginning of the movie weren’t even sure what it was they’d done to Creamsicle – they thought maybe he just had a tumor.  They had to discover Hulk Kitty the hard way.  Pumping crap into the environment and then being surprised when it comes back and poisons us is basically how we spent the entire twentieth century.  You can see Hulk Kitty as a metaphor for mercury-laden tuna, for refrigerants destroying the ozone layer, for killer bees, for pretty much whatever looming environmental disaster from the 80’s that you want.

Uninvited is ninety minutes long and in that entire time there is absolutely nothing good in it.  The opening credits music sucks and the whole movie just coasts downhill from there, but the journey, from Creamsicle’s supposedly exciting escape from the lab to the inevitable ‘it’s not over!’ denouement, is amusing enough as terrible movies go.  You can rent this one for three bucks on YouTube and unlike paying a dollar fifty for Hamlet, it’s totally worth it.

[fireintheforest]

Penance, part I

There was no time for him to say anything at all. Immediately after the fight happened, Lillandril dragged Saufinril up the stairs to the private apartment, dumped him in the chair and sat opposite the younger Altmer, one leg folded over the other and staring at Saufinril. Saufinril stared back. The sound of merriment from below was heard; apparently, the Den went back to its usual shows as if nothing had happened. All Lillandril said, with his air of cold anger that his face didn’t portray, was, “Explain.”

Saufinril pressed his lips for a couple seconds, having his own exploding, hot lashing out died drastically from the moment his arm had been grabbed to the moment he sat down here. He made a clicking sound on his mouth and asked, "...from the beginning?" Stupid question.

Lill narrowed his eyes slightly. When he spoke, his lips barely seemed to move. “From. The. Beginning.” Fine, he wanted to know all about the fight. Naturally. It was his bar, he’d scared clients away and others had gotten in the fight, not to mention how Samin and the other two girls could’ve gotten hurt, and it just, overall, was a fight in his Den. Of course he’d be mad.

"He started it." Saufinril blurted, only surprised in the back of his mind to feel the irritation was rising again, "One was doing one's job here and he couldn't shut his gob up towards one, was one supposed to let him badmouth one in front of everyone, as if one were some-some-some goblin servant or a dog? He'd been pushing it enough! One couldn't stand to hear him say how one is useless when all one was doing was one's job!"

Lillandril suppressed a frown at the word “gob”, but otherwise didn’t react. He paused a moment after Saufinril finished. “And?”

"And?" Saufinril leaned forward, then leaned back. Did he hear right, ‘and?’, as if it were some trivial matter being called knife-ears or insulted in front of people? Was Lillandril serious? "No. No! One doesn't-he'd been at it since bef-alright, before tonight one ran into him, accidentally on the way to the market and there he started to throw slurs back at one, but nothing happened. S-why does he get a pass at being an asshole and one has to bite one's tongue? If he's going to be throwing threats, at least he has to be able to back them up!" ‘And?’. Really?? The old mer was going to come with that? Yes, it was his damn bar but ‘and?’??

Lillandril allowed another long moment to pass without moving. A peal of laughter was distantly heard from below. “At least. Quite. And?”

There it was again. By the Divines, he knew he was furious about this but to go this route? That was low. That was low and-was he even listening? He was right! As far as he knew, he was right. He was right to have beaten this guy and despite the bruises and busted knuckles, he would do it all again. What ‘and?’ was he even asking about, ‘and?’ as in what? As in ‘and? I don’t care, you’re ruining my business’ or in-

Wait, was it an ‘and?’ as in ‘is there anything else to say?’? All the rising anger in Saufinril died at once. He knows. Of course he knows, why wouldn’t he? It always seemed to him that both he and Rialas had eyes and ears everywhere where their own didn’t reach, otherwise it was impossible that they knew so much. The events of the morning came to him; the tall Thalmor, the hand with magic-anulling spell on his own, the cold frown on both of their faces and how he narrowly left…he had to spare him this. It’s not like he’d been taken anyways. He cleared his throat and said, "And...that's it." he licked his lips and looked at his right hand briefly. Knowing Lillandril, there was a reason behind these questions, as mad about the fight and the Den as he was. His leg bobbed up and down for a couple of times before he stopped it. Wellp, time to do damage control. "One...fine, one didn't want to absolutely fight everyone or make a mess. One just-had to make him stop. One is-one was done."

Lillandril made a small noise in the back of his throat, an uncommitted grunt. He continued staring at Saufinril in the same position, held still. “And there is nothing else you can think of that you should be telling from? From earlier in the evening, perhaps?”

Saufinril held his gaze steadily, until he lowered his eyes. Change of plan, lying to Lillandril would only make this worse, "At the market one was going to fight him because he threw a rock at one but he had two bodyguards, which is no problem usually but it...the fight got stopped by two Thalmor. One was given a warning, and that's it. Nothing else happened." he clentched his jaw. Fuck. Fuck. Today was not his day, that’s all. At least he hoped that the last part would ease the tension in the room.

It didn’t. Lillandril’s face shifted ever so slightly as he grit his teeth. “That’s. It?” He narrowed his eyes slightly, his voice becoming more clipped. “You drew the attention of the Thalmor, and then caused a ruckus in one’s establishment, and that. Is. It?”

“Oh wow. I’m fucked. I’m really fucked.” Saufinril's leg bobbed again, though the rest of his face’s demeanor stayed the same as he looked at Lillandril. "It was..." He was about to say “It was all that guy’s fault!” but blaming someone else right now was not just a bad strategy, it was plain immature, especially when he was the one that smashed his face on a glass. Truly, the guy had instigated it and he fell for it. He fell for it completely. He reconsidered what he was going to say, "Forgive one, serah. One didn't control oneself in either scenario."

“No.” For one second Saufinril thought his face had gone cold, assuming that Lillandril hadn’t accepted the apology. Lillandril leans forward ever so slightly. “You did not. Not even remotely. You acted like a fool, like a rash and irresponsible, immature, child. You acted no differently to that boy who broke into one’s shop years ago. You brought shame and dishonour into this place. Onto one. You ...” Lillandril stopped and paused, visibly collecting his thoughts. He shifted slightly, swapping his legs over. “Do you know what the Thalmor are capable of? Do you have even the basest, most minute inclination?”

Saufinril was half expecting more to come out of his mouth, but instead lowered his gaze, sitting perfectly still through Lillandril's words. A wave of heat was raised to his face as he said in a low volume, "One...one does, yes." He raised his hand to rub the back of his neck. He’d just come back from the Isles, of course he knew. He had to share a house with one after all. Even if you never saw them do anything concrete, their air of military stoicism and their coldness seeped outwards, almost announcing their cruelty that they were so proud of.

Lillandril narrowed his eyes again. “Do you? Truly? It seems to one you do not, or you would have conducted yourself in a manner other than as a common thug.” He shifted again to lean in closer, unfolding his legs. “But maybe one is wrong. Perhaps you know all about the inquisitions. About the demands of purity. About the seizures. The disappearances. The purges.”

Saufinril felt a knot on his stomach. 

“Perhaps” Lillandril continued, “you know all about how they harnessed national pride into a weapon. About how even the slightest reason can be taken as reason for suspicion. About how none but the most stringent loyalists may now leave the Isles. You know, surely, that the Artists are now controlled, what they can make dictated to them. You know, of course, that Merchants who have ever even put into a foreign port have had their ships seized. You know, naturally, that mainlander Mer have to prove unbreakable blood ties to a Thalmor family, or be unable to return at all.”

All true, of course. His papers were the reason why he was even allowed to set foot on port a month ago, as much as he hated to admit it. Life in the Isles was insanely different from when he grew up. And insanely scarier.

“You know, of course, that they have seized control of our most ancient institutions. That the military is now entirely theirs. The College, the Labyrinth, the gryphon riders, all now are barred to all but the Thalmor themselves.”

"One does. Well, not-not..." Saufinril exhaled, unconsciously rubbing his hands. What does any of this have to do with his fight? Why couldn’t Lillandril just say ‘don’t be an idiot’ and that’s it? Why was he even thinking about them? The big issue here was the fight in the Den, wasn’t it? Still, being reminded of what the Thalmor were was enough reason to settle unease in Saufinril. He hadn’t considered that the fight in the market could’ve gotten their attention in anything more than two morons arguing in public, "One didn't mean to get their attention, one didn't mean to let them see one's face or-or get on their wrong side. It was just a stupid fight, one just-..." he cleared his throat again and closed his eyes for a second, "One wasn't thinking of any of that. One didn't think at all, one's sorry."

“You didn’t think.” Lillandril paused again, unblinking. “How shocking. You didn’t think. Not about what they could do to you. About what it means to get their attention. About what you did by attracting their attention, and then causing commotion here, under one’s roof. About drawing their attention here. Do you care to think now, perhaps, what that means? About what you have done to one? To one’s family?”

Saufinril clentched his jaw, looking away. No, he hadn’t. And now it made sense. Great, Saufinril. He felt the anger rise back, but this time directed at himself, how could he have not seen this? How did he not consider what it meant to catch the Thalmor’s eye? He was so much more focused on smashing that freckled face…the tone came out more snappy than intended when he said, "It's not like they'll listen to-" he bit the inside of his cheek and took a deep breath (because, again, saying “it’s not like they’ll listen to an Imperial” seemed like waving away the seriousness of the situation. A situation HE created), "One-" he let out a huff, as if frustrated by the lack of what to say, "One did not mean to disrespect you, serah. You or Rialas or the Den or to bring shame to it, but when he started to sound like-" he cleared his throat. Nope, no reason why he was worth being mentioned, "It's-" another huff. And Graywatch suddenly appeared in his mind, complete with his cruel gold eyes and the smile. The smile was the worst part.

“I travel a lot more now, Finn. There’s no reason why I can’t go thank whoever looked after you personally, preferrably honor this...mysterious mer in the Embassy, officially, with the other Thalmor. And if you were going to ‘end locked’ anywhere, it would be somewhere else. Somewhere pretty. Smaller, even , so it’s cozy. You’d be in a much better place.” He said those three last words as he gently stroke the urn with one finger.

He wouldn’t stop there. Not with his gaze back in the dinner."...is there a chance they'd arrest us all because of one?" he asked, much more softly, the warmth that had covered his face red now leaving and being replaced with coldness that lightened his skin tone.

Lillandril waited a moment, and in the quiet, another peal of laughter was heard from downstairs. Eventually, the older Altmer let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat, raising a hand to his brow. “No. It is unlikely. Compared to their aims, a bar brawl is beneath their interest. It is more ...” He sighed again before resuming, “Consider what you know about one, Saufinril. Consider what that makes one to the Thalmor. The last thing one needs is another reason for them to look at one. One is already a blood traitor, an aberration who has married a lesser species, who has  called Men - of all things! - family. If one could not trace an unbroken line back through the ages, one rather suspects ...” He trailed off, shifting his gaze to a point in the distance, “One’s family lacks the influence they once had, perhaps. After Kalaron, and Grandmother’s withdrawing ... Calina salvaged it, of course. But now .... with the Thalmor in power? Our blood may be old, true, and we were far from the only family to embrace Imperial rule and the wealth it brought, but even so ....”

Lillandril took a breath before looking back at Saufinril. “The Thalmor are dangerous, Saufinril. You do not want their attention. And one cannot allow their attention to linger on one, not for oneself, not for this place and the people within, and not for one’s family.”

Saufinril could only stay in silence, listening to Lillandril's words. He swallowed hard and nodded. He'd rested his forearms on his legs as he listened, leaning forward. His brow was furrowed in worry and the leg had finally stopped its bobbing rhythm. This was bad. This was so bad. And this was all his fault. He should’ve dropped his stupid ego and just continued his way to meet Amara. At least then the Imperial pig would’ve made a fool of himself and he would’ve attracted the Thalmor’s attention. He could’ve redirected the order to Lienil, who could’ve easily kicked the man out if he got too rowdy. But NO. He had to insert his face on glass. And now for his imprudence, he’d just plastered a huge target on the Den and everyone in it. Right for the Thalmor to see.

Lillandril watched Saufinril for a moment. A smile played on his lips. “You do realize that one includes you in that category, yes? As much as one may seem ... harsh, and yes, one is less than best pleased at present, one has enough faith that you can understand the reasons why. You have your own reasons to avoid drawing the Thalmor’s attention, after all.”

That was more than unexpected, and Saufinril blinked quickly and nodded again."One-one understands." he says hoarsely, in a low volume, "And one does. Serah...one is so sorry. One is so sorry, this was not what one wanted. One just jumped into a fight and one didn't-one doesn't know what else to say. This is all one's mess, one didn't want to drag you or anyone else into it."

Lillandril tilted his head to one side. “You are young. You don’t think things through. And sometimes, events happen. It is up to us to consider how best to respond to those events, and how to best protect those we care for.” He stood up, walking towards Sau a few steps and opening his arms in invitation. “Your apology is accepted. Your mess is, after all, one’s mess. And curse the Divine who made it so.”

His mess? Since when? As far as Saufinril knew, Lillandril had never been part of the mess. He was part of the solution. Saufinril was the problem. Saufinril stood up and shook his head, "It's not your mess." he whispered, because he didn’t know how to say everything, then sheepishly walked to Lillandril, hoping the bobbing of his Adam's apple went unnoticed. He put his arms around Lillandril, resting his chin on Lillandril's shoulder and hugged tight. Lillandril put his arms around Saufinril and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“It is all of our mess, boy. The Thalmor hold our people hostage. It is up to those of us who can see it to respond as best we can. Now.” Lillandril paused a moment, running fingers gently over the back of Sau’s head before placing his hands on the younger Altmer’s shoulders to break the hug. “One said your apology was accepted, not that the foolishness was forgotten. One rather thinks some unpleasantly menial or otherwise undesirable tasks may help teach you a cooler head. We need another pot washer, if memory serves - one’s flame retardant stick insect frightened the last one off with some of his knife tricks. One thinks you can start there, hm, while one considers where else your youthful energies might be better applied.”

This was a very tender moment. But the second Lillandril spoke the words 'pot washer', Saufinril sighed, closed his eyes and tilted his head back, a face that indicated that this task wasn't one he was looking forward but he wasn't going to complain or not do it (this was his divine punishment, if it even existed, not just for the fight and this Thalmor business but also for laughing along when the trick happened). He instead nodded and reopened his eyes, accepting his fate. "Yep. Yes serah. One can start tonight."

[jewishbarbies]

May I ask you to do the ship questions you did for Dick and Savannah with Jason and Trish when you have some time? Because I love them so much!

sdfghjkl YES

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

They still live manor, so often times they don't sleep together. But when they do it's because Trish patters into his room in the middle of the night and crawls into bed with him. If it's pre-planned that they're sleeping in the same bed for the night, it's usually because of Jason. Waking up is easy for both of them (i'm thinking they're both morning people). The only daily ritual would be going to get coffee first thing, because Trish can't function properly without caffeine.

2. How’s their team work? Do they share well?

Sharing is easy for them. As civilians their teamwork sucks, but when they put those suits on they turn into a well tuned, crime fighting machine.

3. Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?

Trish is really nervous about anyone else at the manor knowing she and Jason are together, so they aren't open about it unless they're out in the city by themselves. Even then the hand holding and stolen soft kisses are typically initiated by Jason.

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Wow, first impressions. Jason was instantly attracted to her looks but was pulled in by her personality the more they interacted. Trish painted him as street rat that would probably steal from them and then disappear, though she was also attracted to him. It was an instant sexual tension that kept them both circling each other. But it definitely wasn't love at first sight for either of them.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

Trish calls him an asshole a lot, does that count as a nickname? lol. Jason is literally the only person to call her Pat or Patty, only rarely will he call her Patricia and it's usually in a romantic context. They frequently use 'babe' as a pet name when their relationship really gets going.

6. Any tasks that are always left to one person?

Nope.

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

Jason gets annoyed by her lawful good tendencies but he's always very subtle and controlled about it, because he honestly wouldn't change anything about her. Trish does get annoyed by his constant teasing and sarcasm but that's really just who he is? And she does enjoy it.

8. What do they like best about their partner?

Trish loves that he acts like an ass sometimes but ultimately he's a protector and would do anything for her, he's fiercely loyal. Jason is in love with the kind, sweet parts of her like her bright smiles and warm hugs.

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?

No on religion, marriage, and yes on children, death. 

10. Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?

Alfred does most things around the manor but Trish does help him out in her free time with cooking and cleaning and gardening. Trish is also the driver in the relationship because she's the oldest - and she's got some professional driving training.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

Holidays weren't big for Jason until he got to the manor, mainly because Trish finds a lot of them very important and refuses to let them go uncelebrated.

12. Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

I think if Jason ever proposed it would be on a rooftop, maybe the one where they had their first kiss, with roses and candles and it would be really well thought out and romantic.

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

Sometimes they'll go out to a movie and/or dinner and then just walk around the city at night and talk.

14. Anything they both dread?

Nope.

15. How adventurous are they?

Trish isn't very adventurous at all, but Jason is, and for him she'll put on a brave face and try some new things.

16. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

They talk about a lot of things but Jason does keep some things to himself, and Trish respects that. Typically they have no reason to outright lie. Cheating would never happen.

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?

There is a time when they briefly separate. Jason thinks very highly of Trish. She's all things good and pure and gentle. But he sees himself as much less than that. He's violent and angry and all things bad. So he breaks up with her in the pretense that he's not good enough for her, she deserves better, and she fights him on it but he won't budge.

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

A night out fighting crime is kind of like a date for them. They wouldn't ever need to take a break for simply just getting bored or needed space.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

Typically arguments have to do with points of view on different crime fighting nights. The should've, could've, would've. They're very volatile when they explode at each other, it's angry and full of petty insults. But they usually make up through kisses and sex.

20. What does their home look like? Their room?

Trish's room is clean most of the time. She repainted it years ago to brighten it up because the dark color it was before made her depressed. There's a floral bedspread and a hanging whicker chair, with flowers in vases and polaroid's pinned to an empty space of wall next to her bed.

21. Do they share any interests or hobbies?

Fighting crime.

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

Sometimes Robin and Black Sparrow get between Jason and Patricia due to the arguments, but not for long.

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

Bear hugs and slow, passionate kisses, the teasing and flirting are very heavy and sexual, but the comforting is always very soft and gentle.

24. Any doubts about the relationship?

For a moment but not for long.

25. How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?

They spend a lot of time together, most of their day and most of their night. Jason is close to the vest with some things but he always opens up to Trish even when he feels like he can't.

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

Savannah hates Jason with a burning passion but she's happy for Trish and approves of the way he treats her. Dick is non-stop disapproval. Bruce isn't very happy about it, considering the conflict of interest when crime fighting, but he isn't an ass about it. Alfred is pleased with it.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

They split semi-permanently when Jason dies (for obvious reasons), but when he returns things are kind of off and on for them. I think eventually they settle back into a breathable relationship and do grow old. As far as kids go, I have no idea.

28. What are their vacations like?

They don’t typically take vacations.

29. How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

Jason tries to downplay just about everything, nothing is too serious for him. Trish inwardly panics until she literally has to blow up or she'll pass out. They can both handle their own injuries fairly well but when it's the other that's hurt or sick, they get seriously worried in their own ways.

30. Could they manage a long distance relationship?

It would depend on the circumstances, but I believe they could.

31. Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?

Trish does start to feel more comfortable swearing once Jason's been around for a bit. He makes it feel normal. She's not an incredibly good liar so it's easy for Jason to call bull. It isn't as easy to read Jason but even if she knows he's leaving something out, she doesn't pressure him about it.

32. Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?

They get into a lot of trouble with crime fighting but also at home because of their insulting and sexual banter.

33. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

Trish is a gifter, she loves getting people things she knows they really want or something they need but can't get themselves (she does a lot of charity work bc of this). Jason constantly gets her flowers and escalates to things like jewelry for birthdays and anniversaries.

34. Do they have any pets?

Trish has a white Chinchilla named Percy.

35. Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw?

They bring out the best. A fatal flaw, though, would be the almost chemical reaction of their own separate angers.

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

Strength would be their loyalty, weakness would be how soft it makes them.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

They would literally do anything. I don’t think there’s anything they wouldn’t do.

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

There is literally nothing either of them won't try at least once. Jason's sex drive is always high after a fight and Trish really has no problem letting him do whatever he wants as long as she feels good. They talk dirty, use any furniture available as a prop, and are heavy touchers. Sometimes it can get slow and passionate, pure love. But most times it's hard and fast, pure lust.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

Initiating the relationship was mutual but the first kiss was mostly on Trish. They realized they were in love during a fight when they were outnumbered and, instead of fighting his way out like usual, Jason briefly surrendered so Trish wouldn't get hurt.

40. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

The rooftop where they had their first kiss is a very important place to them.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

Jason is a bar-goer, but Trish likes to go parties if she gets invited. Trish is honestly the grumpiest, bitchiest drunk EVER. Jason is in a constant state of at least minor intoxication so Trish can't really tell the difference between sober and drunk.

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Yes.

43. Do they talk often? What about?

They talk a lot, about a lot of different topics. When it gets personal they talk about their mutually awful families.

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

There really isn’t anything they’d be uncomfortable doing around each other.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

The biggest regret of Trish's life is not being around when Jason dies. She'd hung up her cape, so to speak, to go to college and therefore found out about it all later when Bruce returned to the states. Jason died alone, and that really fucked her up. But a big heartbreak is also when Jason breaks up with her, claiming she's too good for him. It's sad for him because he still loves her, but it makes Trish hate herself and puts her in a dark place that Dick has to pull her out of.

[mzyrimworld]

Duster Part 9 - Quadrum 8

Last quadrum the colonists packed their things up and left their old colony behind and are now on the move! Will they make it to their new location and set up safely?

As a reminder, this is the journey they’re making, which should take about 5 days. It’s Winter now and a cold snap, so it may not be easy, but they’re getting closer to the equator so the temperatures shouldn’t be too bad.

A couple of days in and there’s an ambush on the caravan!

... It’s literally one person with a mace. I mean, she looks to be skilled, but the colonists have ten people and eleven animals, and some of the people have guns. I’m not sure what this woman thinks she’s doing on her own here.

Between the brawlers and the gunners, it really doesn’t take long. Not sure I’d want to live with shattered nose and jaw and one of my eyes cut out!

I thought it’d be interesting to keep an eye on the old base until they settle at their new location, and as you can see an electrical fault broke out on some of the wiring... It’d be interesting if other people came to settle here now that it’s empty, but they’ll have to fix some of the wiring now first. They’re just lucky it didn’t spread into any of the buildings, because a lot of the furniture is wood.

Nearly at their destination, and the colonists get a request for help. It wouldn’t sound too bad, except that these people clearly haven’t got the message about the colony moving yet, as this is days back the way they came. These people will just have to sort it themselves.

The same day and the colonists are ambushed by manhunting arctic foxes!

... Make that manhunting arctic fox, singular. Must be desperate for food or maddened by something, this fox is apparently on a suicide mission, and living a lot farther north than I would have expected.

Sometimes you wish these things could just have some common sense.

And that some people could be more precise with their shooting. But Henry will fix Jethro up again, I’m sure...

On the bright side, one of the muffalo calves has been born on the journey, and is already carrying some share of the weight. I think these colonists are lucky there aren’t any animal rights groups on Duster, or else I think they might be in trouble using animals so young.

And at 5pm on 5th of Jugust, the colonists make camp at their new location, which apparently means dumping everything on the ground immediately? They’re now north enough that it’s effectively permanent summer, which is a good thing for growing food, but is going to mean that it’s consistently pretty hot.

One of the first things that happens is that their prison decides that she may as well join them now! Just as well; they didn’t have anywhere to hold prisoners anyway.

Eri’s the eleventh colonist now, and may be one of the best at mining, which the colonists haven’t done a lot of so far. Regardless, a lot of hands are going to be needed to get this new site going, so I’m sure she can be helpful.

One priority task they set to is taking out the more dangerous animals in the area; it could be a while before everyone and all the animals are secure inside, and it wouldn’t take much for a warg or something to decide to eat the hen or one of the young alpacas or muffalo, if not one of the people! Fortunately it’s a much easier task with machine guns...

The next day work really begins, and apparently the toll of their journey and the poorer circumstances they’re all now in has really gotten to Lion! Honestly, if you had asked me to guess which colonist this would happen to, she would not have been the one by a long way. You’d think her previous life, the raiding, or being taken prisoner might have done it, but apparently this is. Maybe it’s a cumulative effect? Well, she can talk to Henry about it, she’s very experienced in anxiety...

Lion’s far from the only one struggling though, and I don’t think Dead will be the last...

This is not going to help people’s relationships. Or actually fix the problems they’re complaining about...

Now this one actually does help, but you know it’s bad because Priscilla would never normally clean, even if you paid her to.

Lucya’s also had a switch of personality, she who would never normally be violent. And don’t be fooled; they do still have plenty of food, but none of it’s cooked, and it’s spread between ruined buildings across the map, so she’s probably just grumpy she couldn’t get it in time.

This is a lot of the reason for the unhappiness, all eleven colonists crammed into a small room, but until they can get a good supply of stone to build a base of their own, at least they are sleeping indoors and in bedrolls, instead of outside on the ground.

This is really not what anybody needs right now; enough people are still on the brink of breakdown, the women don’t also need pain on top of it...

Well, it’s not the worst she could be doing, but eating raw meat might not be the best idea for her health...

This is more frustrating. We’ve also noticed that Henry does appear to have lost her mayor status since the move, probably because there wasn’t a colony location for a while. I wonder if she’ll stand again if it comes up?

There have been so many mental breaks, I’m not even sure who insulted Julio. Everyone’s in a bad mood, so it could have been anyone.

At this rate there’s going to be nobody who hasn’t had a mental break in this colony. They’re lucky nobody’s gotten into an actual fight and hurt anybody else so far.

The dangerous animal hunting continues whenever they show up. This lynx terrified Morales for a moment, before he remembered that he was the one with the automatic gun and mowed it down properly.

They hadn’t been hunting boomalope though; killing them tends to cause more problems than it solves. Unfortunately this one isn’t giving them much of a choice...

Yeah, that did not go to plan. The colonists don’t have enough stone to enclose this planned base yet, so the boomalope wandered right in and has caused a lot of issues right in the middle now. Lucya’s probably going to want to get off that one completed chair before they all go up.

And amongst the flames, barely visible, is the hen. We knew something was bound to happen to it sooner or later, but we mostly expected a wild animal to get it for lunch, not that it would be cooked alive by an exploding boomalope...

Vas was the only human hurt, and it’s just a few moderate burns, so it shouldn’t be any trouble.

Errr, we are being informed that apparently burns can get infected, which does make sense now that I think about it. Still, this colony even has some glitterworld medicine, so I wouldn’t get excited thinking we might lose another colonist.

Of course this is a lovely time to get raided, so a small group of raiders shows up. This looks suspiciously like the Leobrin of the Brook kind of people, who have traditionally not given the colonists much trouble, but we shouldn’t take that for granted...

Priscilla and Morales headed down quickly to ensure the safety of the closest storehouse, and none of these people have weapons to face down automatic guns.

Two of them died very quickly, and the large one could flee a lot faster than you might have expected. Normally the colony would take in this survivor, but they don’t have anywhere to keep him and not enough to build it and take him there before he bleeds out. He’ll be buried with his friends anyway.

Another muffalo calf has been born, this time female.

And you can see what we mean about there not being enough stone to finish the walls of this base. Still, it’s better than being completely out in the open.

A call for help from a relative who’s not an ex! And only running from LotB archers, those should be simple enough to handle. There’s no way the colony’s turning this down.

And now we have a 12th colonist! The colony probably didn’t particularly need any of his skills, but you don’t want to turn down family on a hellhole like this!

Though you do wonder how a vatgrown assassin wound up with a younger brother who’s a civil servant... They must have an interesting family history. And why this is the brother called ‘Steroid’.

And here we have the poor LotB archers on his tail, apparently oblivious to the fate that will await them...

It was over very quickly, but one of them has survived to be taken prisoner now that the colonists have a small cell to hold them! This guy really took a lot of bullets, you have to give him credit for still being alive and even slightly conscious right now.

Yet another muffalo calf has been born, this time male. And you can see that the walls and flooring of the base are really coming along.

Just when you think the animal pregnancies might be done, it turns out the first one is pregnant again. They’re really going to have to think about animal control at some stage.

We’ve now come to the end of Jugust, the second year since the start of the challenge, and a good few miles closer to the spaceship. Although the new main building is coming along, this is still the sleeping arrangement for now. Really going to have to work on that next quadrum, before the mental breaks start all over again.

Final stats:

Henry: No longer Mayor

Jethro: All-enduring

Zeiph: MVP

Dead: In the distance doing some farming

Lion: ANXIOUS

Lucya: If you forget about her, she’s pleased

Vas: Reunited with younger brother! And cured of burn infection.

Sky: So background you barely notice he’s there

Priscilla: Maybe if she can’t get back her man, get with his brother?

Morales: Surprisingly useful

Julio: Insulted :(

Eri: Recruited

Steroid: Rescued and recruited, the less impressive brother

Animals: -1 hen, + a bunch of muffalo, an alpaca is pregnant

Colony: +2 people, +1 new prisoner

[hekate1308]

Blood Deal

I will be saving Crowley forever. Enjoy!!!

It’s pretty hard to wrap his head around everything that has happened, but Dean knows one thing.

There’s something missing.

No one else seems to notice amidst the cheering going on here at the camp in the Apocalypse world – and that’s something else he’ll eventually have to face, the fact that nothing makes sense anymore and that Sam just accepts that Mom wants to stay even though he was determined to get for back from the start, or that Cas ignores the signs that point to Jack becoming more like Lucifer.

But all of that will have to wait. He has to deal with something else before that.

And so he sets off late in the night. It’s easy enough; for all that “You’re our new brothers” talk (and he thinks, resignedly, that the word family really doesn’t mean as much to him as it should, these days) they mostly ignore him in favour of Sam, but then, isn’t he used to it?

He’s quickly done with his preparations. And then he summons him.

The one who’s missing.

He thinks he’s gotten it wrong when instead of the meat suit he knows so well, a woman appears in front of him. She’s gorgeous, he’ll admit that; but there’s something wrong about looking at her and knowing it’s –

“Crowley?”

“Yes. And who are you – aside from the dumbass who summoned me without using a devil’s trap?”

He laughs; he can’t help it. It feels too good to hear his – her – whatever British accent again. “Damn it’s good to see you.”

That takes her aback. “What –“

“My name is Dean Winchester. I came from a different dimension, if you will. And there, we were... friends.”

“Nice try.”

“Would I summon you in order to bring him back if we hadn’t been?” he argues. He’s long known that the only person who’d know how to bring back Crowley would be Crowley himself, or in this case herself. And now he has the chance to ask.

She’s studying him, and he’s suddenly reminded of the first time they met Crowley; it’s the same cold, calculating look, long before soft smiles and the question “You miss me?” when he called for help. “So you summon a demon in order to resurrect – I assume he’s dead, otherwise you wouldn’t have to “bring him back” – another demon while this world is crashing down around you? Wow. You’re even more of an idiot than I thought.”

Dean scoffs. He’s tired, he’s been running through a world that isn’t his own, nothing makes sense anymore, but he’s a man on a mission. “Alright, I’ll cut this short. This may be new to you, but every single insult you could throw my way, he already did. Multiple times. So, why don’t you just tell me how do get him back?”

“What makes you think I know?”

“It’s Crowley. He always has a back-up plan.”

She narrows her eyes and Dean realizes with surprise that looking at the demon who isn’t the one he knew but acts like him actually hurts, just a little bit.

Seems like Cain was even more right than he thought.

“Let’s say there is some truth in what you say – why would I tell you?”

Dean knows better than to argue that she should do herself a favour. It took him some time to realize, but part of the reason he and Crowley got on so well was that they both are quite familiar with the habit of loathing oneself. “To be honest? You have absolutely no reason. But what have you got to lose? In fact, I owe you one, in case you ever need a favour from someone who saved his world.”

He doesn’t mention that it would need an archangel’s Grace to get through to them, but it’s Crowley; what can’t they do when they choose to?

She stares at him. “You are... offering me a deal. To save me.”

2Well, our version of you, but yes...” he trails off when he sees her eyes soften, and he remembers Rowena, and Gavin, and Crowley’s face when he punched him on the last day of his life. “He died for us, we kind of... you know... owe him that. To try, at least.”

“And after you do this, you owe me. Do we have a deal?”

Dean knows this is dangerous, of course. But if it works – if it works – then they’ll have Crowley back, and he’s certainly a match for this version.

“Alright” he agrees. She draws him into a kiss, and Dean tries very hard not to compare the two (just as he generally tries not to think about everything he and Crowley got up to when they were demons together.”

“Alright” she says, “here”. She hands him a phial of blood.

“What is that?”

“It’s mine. I always figured no matter how I met my demise, blood would be spilt. And blood calls to blood. I assume he had a well-hidden stash of it in your world, too. Where did he die?”

“Here.”

“Ah. Well, then, that’s rather unfortunate. But not for you, since you are here. You just gave to find the exact spot where he died.”

Thank God for his navigation skills. He’s pretty sure he can find the place. He nods.

“And then there’s the spell.” The instructions she gives him are almost disgustingly simple, but he gets it. Crowley, always doing the unexpected. Nothing elaborate, just the spell to call blood to blood, as she put it.

“Thank you.”

“Oh, thank me when I call in that favour, sugar” she drawls, her hand running down his shirt. “I cannot wait.”

“Sorry, got a demon to save.”

She’s obviously surprised at that. “Well, then. Bye.” She vanishes.

Exactly like Crowley. Can’t handle any other feelings than utter hatred too well.

Dean steals back to the camp to get his backpack, and then he’s gone. He’s not entirely sure where the others are; maybe they’re busy celebrating this new family unit that will never feel quite right to him. It’s not even Mom not living up to his expectations – he could handle that – it’s about her not wanting to be their mother, or rather, anyone’s mother but theirs.

But all of this can wait. Once he’s dealt with this.

The place where Crowley gutted himself, where they met Bobby again, where Mom got stranded and where they lost Cas (albeit on the other side of the door) is seared into his mind, and soon he’s on his way.

It gives him ample time to consider what he is doing, but he never falters. Rowena was right; Crowley was an evil bastard, but in many ways, he didn’t deserve the lot he was dealt, and he did help them a lot.

And didn’t he pray to God to save him as well? So really, Dean’s not the one to talk.

He reaches the place just as the sun – or what passes for the sun here – begins to rise. He wonders when the others are going to start to miss him, then he dismisses the thought.

Right now, other matters need his attention.

Pin-pointing the exact spot is not as easy as he hoped. In the end, he has to settle for an educated guess and wish that somehow a bit of Crowley’s blood found its way there.

He has to admit the spell is a clever idea – it’s really so utterly simple that anyone could perform irt, meaning no one would try because why would they ever believe this was real?

At first, nothing happens; he’s waiting, for a sign, a flicker, something; and then –

A gush of air knocks him down as Crowley quite literally propels out of the skies and crashes near him.

The Empty, Dean remembers. That’s where Cas says he went, and where Crowley must have ended up too – and just like it ejected Cas, he ended up being quite literally thrown out.

Alright then.

He seems to be unconscious, and Dean rolls him on his back, once more cursing the fact that angels and demons don’t need to breathe.

When Crowley’s eyes finally open, they take a moment to focus. Then he stars up at him. “Dean?”

“Welcome back.”

Crowley closes his eyes and groans. “I’m dead.”

“No you’re not. Well, you were, so now you’re undead. Or rather, un-un-dead. After all, you already croaked once as a human...”

“Squirrel, I would really like you to be silent for five seconds, just while I get my bearings” he hisses as he reopens his eyes and sits up.

“Maybe you should –“ But Crowley is already standing up, looking as unflappable as ever.

“Alright, tell me what happened, and please leave out everything unimportant.”

So Dean does. About how he brought him back, anyway.

When he’s finished, Crowley is staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. “You agreed to a deal? With this world’s version of me!?”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, did I –“

“Of course you had, you denim-clad –“

“I couldn’t just leave you dead when I knew there was a chance!”

Suddenly, Crowley looks as lost as he did when Gwen hugged him. Eventually, he clears his throat. “Ahm, yes – I see. Obviously. None of you can ever leave well enough alone when there’s just teh tiniest hope things could turn your way.”

“Exactly” Dean grins, only then realizing how glad he actually is to see Crowley. “So, now that we’ve cleared the air.”

“Excuse you, Squirrel, we have done nothing of the kind. What sort of favour did you offer? What does she want? What is –“

“Oh my, this is better than anything I could possibly have imagined. A lover’s quarrel.”

Dean turns around to find this world’s Crowley looking at them. “I was just explaining to him that –“

“Unless you two want to make me a certain offer, I am not interested.”

Her eyes travel up and down Crowley’s meat suit and just like when Billie did the same, Dean feels a surge of utterly unwarranted jealousy. “At least we both have good taste.”

“I have to agree” Crowley drawls.

“If you two need a moment alone” Dean snaps, “I can –“

“Aw, lover boy’s jealous” she says, turning towards... well, herself. Himself. And this isn’t even the most confusing thing Dean has seen this week. “I have to say, picking a human lover and letting him resurrect you... not a bad idea. But what I absolutely cannot understand are your own feelings for him. Are we growing soft?”

Dean’s pretty sure his head just exploded, because there is no way she insinuated that Crowley of all people has feelings for him. True, when he was a demon, there was – well, there was no reason notz to have fund, and that thing with the triplets...

But feelings?

Granted, he’s probably not the one to ask. He did after all just drag himself through the Apocalypse World to get him back.

He expects Crowley – their edition – to make some sarcastic comment, but instead he’s silent.

She scoffs. “So it’s true. You’re pathetic.”

“Hey” Dean says, “Careful. You’re talking to a former King of Hell there.”

“Former? Of course. Why would someone so weak to fall for one of you meatballs keep the –“

Everything happens very fast. One moment, Crowley’s taunting Crowley, then they are locked in combat, and before Dean can react, his (his? Alright, deal with that later) one has her arms locked behind her back, angel blade (the one he killed himself with, Dean thinks, shuddering) at her throat. “Here’s the thing, my dear. You may have some devilish good looks and a somewhat functioning brain, and you survived until now, but I have been dealing with the Winchesters, and there’s no better training than that. So –“

He’s about to cut her throat when she calls out, “My favour! I want him to let me go! Make him!”

Just like him, then; she knows when she’d better beat retreat.

“Crowley –“

“Could be fun, and the deal would be broken either –“

“Crowley, please.”

He pouts – pouts – but lest her go.

“We’re square” Dean says an she gives a tight nod, then smiles. “You can’t win them all. Well then, I better leave the love birds to their reunion. Laterz!”

“Not if I can help it” Crowley mutters after she’s gone.

“And whether you believe it or not, this was the most normal thing to happen to me Today. Wait until you hear –“

Crowley distracts him by kissing him roughly. Dean takes a moment to catch on, then gives as good as he gets; after all, everything’s already going insane, so what does this matter?

“What was that for?”

“I had to ensure you are reminded who is the superior kisser” Crowley says simply. “And now you tell me what new world-ending problem you boys ran right into so we can deal with it.”

Yes, Dean thinks, maybe this was the answer after all.

He’s got the feeling there’s nothing they cannot deal with, together.

[thornfield13713]

I've been thinking about this one for a while: what happens to Harry Gold during the time when all of the Enchanted Forest characters got sent back to their home dimension and time was briefly rewritten?

The first thing that happens is that his parents aren’t there at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters like they’d agreed. Which- They hadn’t been answering letters in a while, but his parents are in America, and he wasn’t expecting regular letters anyway. But then they aren’t there at the station, and he doesn’t know what’s going on. He goes home with the Weasleys, Molly having decided they’ll wait with him until his parents arrive, and that night Molly sends an owl to Dumbledore, who investigates…and finds that the whole town of Storybrooke has disappeared from the face of the earth, leaving the American magical authorities baffled. After that, things get simpler. Dumbledore sends a letter to Vernon and Petunia Dursley, and Professor McGonagall is the one to deliver Harry, very reluctantly, to his aunt and uncle’s home.

It is not an easy transition. Harry is twelve, nearly thirteen, and has grown up happy and loved and encouraged to ask questions…and now he’s being sent to the oppressive, repressive atmosphere of the Dursleys, where they make no secret of it that they don’t want him there and wish he’d disappeared with his adoptive family or died with his biological parents. He gets a bedroom, because he’s too tall to fit under the stairs…and he’s locked in it right up until Aunt Marge is due to arrive and they have to let him out or explain to her why they’re behaving so abnormally. Hedwig is locked in her cage, he’s forbidden from sending letters, and his life bears a marked resemblance to being in prison. (All of these are things the Dursleys have done in canon, so it makes sense here, where they’re dealing with having a wizard nephew for the first time when he’s old enough to be dangerous.)

When he loses his temper this time, it’s so much worse, because instead of being provoked just by Aunt Marge’s insults, it’s a whole summer of fear and uncertainty and grief and frustration and it explodes out of him in some very nasty ways. When he leaves the Dursley house the entire family is cursed in various nasty and vaguely fairy-tale ways - accidentally on Harry’s part, admittedly, but it looks bad - and he’s in a boiling temper, and then terrified, because now he really does have nowhere to go. Seeing Sirius in dog form does not help.

The rest of the summer and a lot of the school year plays out as in canon, except that Harry is so much more afraid now, and so desperate for news of his adoptive family, leading to his temper getting a lot nastier because a frightened, grieving, stressed Harry tends to be a bad-tempered Harry, we know this from canon.

He and Sirius talk about the possibility of him living with Sirius this time too. It’s not quite as ideal for this Harry as for his canon version, and he does admit that he misses his adoptive family desperately and wishes they’d come back, but it’s still a great step up from the Dursleys.

[marvelsuperfangirl]

Need To Be Loved ( Warren Worthington III x Reader)

A/N: I’m feeling really down and alone lately and I needed to write it. So the reader is basically in the same state as I was some says ago, except that I don’t have an angel or anyone to make me feel better. I hope you will like it and I take this opportunity to tell you that if you ever feel the need to talk I’m right there, ready to help you.

Words: 1587

Warnings: Sadness and use of the word “ Fucking” and “ shit”. Apart from that a bit of fluff.

Useless. That's how you felt right at this moment, your day couldn't have been more awful. Your parents still didn't aknowledge the fact that you were working your ass off at school and they treated you like a child. Your friends annoyed you all day with their boyfriends and how they were "so cute", while you were alone and totally not the kind of girl that guys were dreaming about. You wanted to punch your friends and honestly you wanted to punch everyone. And to top all of that your grades were completely lame even with all the work you were doing.

You wanted to cry and scream at the top of your lungs to realease every negative feelings inside of you. As the tears flowed and rolled down your cheeks, your mind was blurry and you needed the only person that could make you feel better and that you loved more than anything. You have been driving and crying for the past twenty minutes when you finally pulled up the courtyard of the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. After you'd turn off the engine, you let your head fall against the headrest. You inhale et exhale deeply, trying to calm down your breathing, wiped your cheeks and waited for all the signs showing that you'd been crying to disappear.

Before exiting your car, you put on a fake smile and walked to the manor, eager to finally see your precious angel. When you entered the building you didn't bother to make an appearance in the living room to salute your other friends, you knew that they'll see right through you, especially Jean with her telepathic powers . You walked to the room you knew all too well and stopped in front of the door to take one last breathe. You knocked and waited for for it to open and finally offering you some relief, and when it did, it was like the weight of the whole planet was lifted off your shoulders.

Warren appeared in the doorway, when he saw you his beautiful smile illuminated his face and warmed your heart.

The light coming from his room was envelopping his frame and made him look like a real angel. His blond locks were a bit ruffled as well as his feathers and for you it was by far the cutest thing ever.

-" Hey you." he said

You mirrored his smile and threw yourself on him, wrapping your arms tightly around him. You heard him chuckling as he wrapped his own arms around you as his wings did the same creating a cocoon around both of you.

-" Am I that irresistible ?" he asked

-" No, you aren't, it's just that your wings are good for hugs" you answer, trying to joke to convince him and yourself that everything was fine.

He laughed and pulled away so he could see your face.

-" Let's get inside" he kept one of his wings around you to pull you inside of his bedroom.

He closed the door behind the two of you and you directly went to sit on his bed

-" What do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Warren asked, sitting next to you.

You let out a long sigh as you let yourself fall on your back on the bed.

-" I wanted to see my favorite person in the whole universe, that's all"

He laid down beside you and turned his head in your direction.

-" You're aware that I know you inside out, right?"

You kept your gaze fixed on the ceiling, ignoring his question.

He pivoted on his side, supporting himself on his elbow so he could get a proper look at you. As you felt his gaze on you, your eyes started to fill with tears an you couldn't escape him.

He saw a tear rolling down your cheek and moved himself again, he pass his arm under you and the other around your middle to bring you against him. He hugged you tightly agaisnt his chest as you let the tears and sobs win you over . You wrapped your arms around him and buried your head into his shirt, soaking it with your tears. You felt Warren rubbed your back soothingly and was holding your head against him with his hand, massaging your scalp.

He wrapped his wings around you, recreating the cocoon you felt so safe in. He let you calm down and when the sobs has died down he asked.

-" Tell me what's wrong. Who do I have to beat up?"

You let out a small laugh

-" No one, it's just...just a bad day"

You sniffed and closed your eyes, trying to supress the burning sensation in them.

-" Do you want to tell me what happened?"

You unwrap your arm from around him and wiped your cheeks of all the tears. You then regained your breathing and cuddled yourself back into Warren.

-" I've had enough. I fee like I'm all alone even surrounded by my loved ones. My parents don't understand me and every time I try to talk with them it end up in a screaming match. And all of my friends are blabbering about their boyfriends all day long." You then took a ridiculous girly voice to imitate your friends:" " Mine is so cute" " My boy is so sexy" " He know how to cook so well, he likes cuddling and send me cute texts before bed" Ugh!!! I'm saturating ! And the worst is that they always ask me If I still don't have anyone. Of course I don't have a boyfriend! I'm an under-average girl, I don't wear make up, I'm not glamorous."

You tone became sarcastic and Warren could tell that you were about to explode.

-" I'm all alone, I'll never get a boyfriend, I won't get married and I'll never have children. I will die, still a virgin, alone and surrounded by a dozen of cats "

Now sadness had replaced the anger.

-" You're the only one person that can understand me. Only you can make me happy when everything is wrong."

You wiped the few tears that escape during your speech.

-" Everyone is finding their way, they make decisive choices of life and find love, while my only source of happiness is, well, you. But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about you. I..." a sob escaped your mouth " I don't know where I'm going in life" .

You started crying again and Warren couldn't do anything but to let you cry, curled up against him and giving your his support by holding you.

Warren couldn't believe what he was hearing. You, who always seemed so happy when you were with him, complaining about some things of course, you were human, but never showing any sign of such unhappiness. You were one of the only few things he had in life, his best friend, the one he could always count on when he was feeling down and he could tell you everything without fearing of being judged.

The only reason he was still alive and sane was completely falling apart and he didn't know what to do. He saw you crying before but not that much. You were a crying and sobbing mess in his arms as he held you as tight as ever.

Warren loved you. He always had. The way you always accepted him like he was, praising his mutation and always putting him first. After everything he went through: his father, his exile in Berlin, the cage, Apocalypse, his new mutations, the judgements et insults from the other mutants, and when he got his feathery wings back. You were here for everything, always praising him, promising that everything will be alright.

And finally after everything you did for him he wasn't capable of comforting you properly.

-" Everything will be alright" he whispered in your ear, trying to sound like he was convinced of what he was saying.

You sniffed.

-" No, nothing will be alright. I tell myself that everyday but it's not working. It's the same shit as always, arguing with my parents, that I'm sure I'll never get along with, failing everything I do, and nobody wants me, I'm ugly, stupid and full of negativity and bad karma. "

The second you finished your sentence a sob took over and put you back in your previous state.

-" Don't say that. You have me and I'll be by your side forever. I know I'm not the best at comforting but if you need me I'll do everything in my power to make you feel better. You are beautiful, smart and full of qualities. If other people don't see that, then it's their loss; but for me, you are the best person in this fucked up world."

He slightly back up from you, without loosening his hold on you and kissed your forehead.

-" I love you" he whispered

As you heard the three words you force your sobs to stop and made an effort to steady your breathing. When you felt yourself able to form words, you sniffed and wiped the tears on your cheeks.

-" I love you" you whispered back, tightening your embrace.

Both of your faces lit up with similar smiles as the two of you share your mutual feelings through a messy and wet embrace. Because no one could make you feel better than your lovely angel.

[bloodycalligraphy]

multi-purpose-tool-guy replied to your post:

im just gonna.... scoot in here and uh..... enable you..... scoot scoot....

OK hear me out. Here’s some TLJ-based Kylux mpreg thoughts.

I think Snoke always knew Kylo was the knock-off brand of what he really wants. That Kylo is broken by the fact that he FEELS SO MUCH and he lets his feelings drag him around even though he clearly wishes he wasn’t like this. He was probably always like this. 

And Hux? Hux is useful but Hux lacks the sort of power that Kylo has by birth and breeding. Also he’s an absolutely sucking void of a human being with bile where other people have blood. He’s easy enough to control, but mostly exactly as you would a dog — reward it when it’s good and make sure it knows you could beat it if it’s not. Watch the teeth. Don’t take your eyes off it.

They’ll be steps to power, but are they really going to be heirs to his vision? Or are they the tools he’ll use until he can get better, shinier, less buggy and broken ones?

I’d like to thank the Rlos who want Rey to “continue the Skywalker line” because that sure sounds like the exact sort of shit you could feed Kyle Ron to make him do some Fucking Weird Shit and well, General, just lie back and think about the Empire. Kyle has probably never seen junk that wasn’t his own and the one Knight that he kissed once got sent out by Snoke to some planet acid-spitting worms and came back with their lips melted shut by scar tissue. And frankly I’m not sure anyone has ever in his life taught Hux that sex is about anything other than Power and Pain.

Anyway, Kyle over here’s like literally twice as wide as Armie, so obviously he’s got the space in that refrigerator-size torso for whatever demonspawn comes out of this.

Throw in some Force garbage about how if Kylo doesn’t spend a certain amount of time around Hux regularly he feels like he’s gonna puke his kidneys out because this INCREDIBLY FORCE SENSITIVE fetus would like to vibe with whatever weird vibes Hux gives off. Actually they’re probably very chill. Since he’s only got one (1) emotion: Hatred. And he’s got a boss and a PAIN IN THE ASS who can read his mind, I’m sure the inside of his brain is WMD blueprints and elevator music most of the time.

So they chill. They don’t... like each other? But maybe they realize that they’ve made some misjudgments and now they’re actually even better prepared to murder each other.

Hux starts researching weapons that a lightsaber can’t block. Force-resistant materials. He starts packing a couple extra energy blades on his body at all times. He buys a slug-shooting rifle and starts carrying it damn near everywhere.

Kylo is still gonna be killing his dad and getting gut-shot by a wookie and finding the true power of hatred after THE ANGRIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD hands him his own ass on a platter, obviously. You could stuff a whole watermelon in that boy and it would not slow him down. But it’s fucking with his head. Are his priorities... right? What does it all mean? Existential crisis with a side of his body literally doesn’t belong to him and he didn’t choose this at any point and WHY IS HE DOING ANY OF THIS AT ALL

Things explode. Things still very, very much explode.

And that’s going to be rather important, really, because Hux knows he can rebuild a planet-sized weapon and he can buy a new warship and he can train a hundred thousand more child soldiers. Every life except his own is replaceable and it always, always has been.

And Kylo is thinking obsessively about family, about his parents, about his childhood, about his life and where it has lead him, about right and wrong, light and dark. 

But all things must come to an end? And the boy sith who would be supreme leader doesn’t have enough time to telepathically tell Rey NOT to swing by really not a good time right now. 

Kylo gets his guts excavated by unfeeling, uncaring medical robots because this is a hideous dystopia of reproductive rights or something. Hux is there because, well, he’s a little bit of a sadist everyone knows that. That’s the only possible reason he could be there, isn’t it?

Haha no. He’s gonna make eye contact with that blue-eyed, screaming creature and all the crazy in that heavily hair-gelled head is gonna skew in exactly the expected ways. Because, well, he can BUILD another weapon. He can BUILD another army. But he can’t BUILD a fucking baby. Or well, he could, but it wouldn’t be this exact baby, now would it? And honestly, honestly? Why would he build any other? This one is PERFECT. He made that and it’s his and he would rather drown in his own blood than let anyone hurt it. 

(See? He’s not his father after all. He cannot even understand his father in this moment. He has always known himself to be weak and sought to protect himself. Now here is the weakest imaginable version of himself and he feels that same urge. It’s his and he will protect it or he will die. That has always been the only two options.)

And Kylo wakes up with his internal organs rearranged and stapled back together to see a fucking armed sociopath holding HIS CHILD and nearly kills Hux right then and there except if he died then he would definitely drop the baby and if Kylo sits up too fast his spleen is gonna pop out probably. 

They don’t even have to talk about things or lie to each other because they have spent a stupid amount of time with one another and they know. The fear in Hux now is the same fear that is swallowing Kylo up like a howling cyclone.

So they go to Snoke and it seems very much like Hux will betray Kylo like the untrustworthy dog that he is and Kylo will stay the loyal and steady servant of the darkness, but Kylo is a nest of serpents held together by medical tape. And all of Hux’s research? Well, if you want to blow the most powerful Force user you’ve ever met’s head off his ugly shoulders? You might need a real firearm and some Force-resistant bullets.

Cue a very different fight against the Praetorian Guard. Rey shows up twenty minutes late with Starbucks to a room full of corpses and fire and Kylo “Ben Solo” Ren trying to hold his torso together while Armitage “General Hugs” Hux looks increasingly red-faced and distressed at a very small and screaming baby.

No lightsabers explode.

No one’s around to sign the paperwork on DJ’s deal so he fucks off on the first ship he can break into while Phasma’s calls keep going directly to Hux’s voicemail.

The Resistance makes it to Crait safely and Holdo does not explode anything and Rose does not have to contemplate kicking 500,000 stormtroopers to death with her own two feet. (I mean she doesn’t, but she still DOES.)

Phasma’s call goes through. 

“Hey I’ve got two big Resistance morons and a soccer ball.”

“Cool. We killed the Supreme Leader and also it’s a girl.”

“Congratulations, sir. Does she have a name?”

“Not yet, I was a little busy.”

Rey watches Kylo get increasingly pale. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” he says.

Hux remembers that someone helped MAKE this baby and she’s probably fond of him or something. Maybe Hux is fond of him. He’s not sure yet exactly. But he would probably shoot the scavanger girl if she hurt him. Of course, he would probably shoot her anyway, y’know? Just because.

Chewbacca is sort of waiting for Rey to come back.

He does not expect her to come back in the company of the First Order’s three most powerful leaders and also Rose, Finn and a VERY ANGRY BB-8.

Also there’s a baby? It’s a very cute baby. She’s got Ben’s nose already.

“What’s her name?” he asks.

“Haven’t decided,” Kylo Ren says at the same time Rey says, “I don’t know.”

They glare at each other. Chewie does not smack Kylo upside the back of his head simple because it looks right now as though a stiff wind would knock him over just as well. Also, well, he wouldn’t have helped Rey with this COMPLETELY INSANE PLAN if he didn’t think Ben Solo could still come home.

He can’t. Really. This is not Ben Solo going to his mother. This is Kylo Ren going to General Organa with three and a half hostages and a burning desire to get some war criminals off the hook.

(Maybe DJ does a nice thing and leaves something explosive behind when he goes. Or he gives the whole First Order a computer virus or something. They’d deserve it.)

Anyway, Hux probably is still set on handing his daughter the whole known universe and does something incredibly stupid like pull a gun on Leia and gets every blaster in the room pointed at him while he’s holding the infant Skywalker scion. Kylo forcibly (haha) disarms everyone in the room and gently sets Hux on his damn fool ass and not so gently shuts his jaw so tight he can barely breathe. But he can still breathe.

This still unnamed baby is going to be a princess in a world where everyone won’t be trying to kill her all the time, isn’t that good enough for you? (It isn’t, actually, but Hux can make world domination a back-up plan for at least the next two hours.)

Phasma refuses to take off her helmet. Or talk to anyone.

Rey is going to loudly insist that they’re not that bad — and they have a baby! They can’t be bad? At least the baby is probably not bad! 

Leia is going to call Kylo “Ben” and so everyone else is going to follow suit as he bleeds internally and hates them all. He would still stab his uncle if he saw him.

(MAYBE HE DOES HAHA.)

Does Phasma particularly care if her life’s work is sacrificed on the altar of peace? Uh, as long as she still has her LIFE, not particularly. 

Empires, warships, armies can be rebuilt. The universe is always going to be there to conquer. Right? And "princess” doesn’t seem like such a bad title, really, when it’s his baby girl.

Kylo is still an angry, bitter sack of vipers. Hux now has two emotions and they’re both terrifying and involve firearms. Not saying they “fall in love,” but they do practice kissing and trade insults that are maybe affectionate? Hux kills more than one person who tries to get at Kylo with his bare hands and a energy blade. They try extremely hard to be good parents.

Phasma takes her immunity and fucking RETIRES to make LOTS OF MONEY doing what she’s GOOD AT which is fighting and not dying.

Anyway they name the baby Padme. She has a COMPLETELY HIDEOUS temper and blue eyes like her great-grandfather.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.