#They were talking about name meanings earlier in the episode and he said Ryan means “little king”

[anklemusic]

MK: "I think Gabe fell in love with you. He was so-- he was like, 'this guy is incredible.' I've never seen him so in awe of another human being as he was of you doing your Paulie Tahoe thing!"

Ryan: "It was a big moment for me, as a Little King. To have a Big Prince like that notice you, and be into you... it was important."

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Rose’s Interview - KUwTC

With added BTS

BTS + Unseen footage is in Orange

Full episode Here

Other BTS

(/ means cut scene. Bold letters means host)

Rose had herself next to Ward, on the couch, sitting lazily in the corner of a bundle of cushions by his hand, that rested against the arm of the seat, gently grazing her skin in a way to calm her irritated complexion. Her posture was well-presented, however her facial expressions were dismissive of the cameras infront of her. Clearly not impressed or too bothered by the experience to come. She had on: a floral pink shirt tucked into a pair of white jeans that sat above her ankles, a pair of flip-flops held loosely on her feet as her left leg crossed over the other. A glass of white wine gripped into her palm against her leg; presumably easing the moment.

Ryan's gaze follows, towards Rose. She lets out a heavy sigh as she sits up, her grip on the glass of wine tightening, "Hi, I'm Rose." She speaks planely, no emotion to accompany her words, her effort to hide her annoyance becoming little to none. Her head quickly turns to Wheezie to push the attention off of herself.

/

"Are you going to ask questions or can I go do the laundry?" From previous moments you could tell Rose was holding back from speaking, but the jokes were only causing more irritation. The three kids give each other ‘the look’ and start giggling to one another.

"Honey don't be rude, it's nice to have a bit of small talk beforehand; get to know what your getting yourself into. You'll get the laundry done soon I promise.." He whispers the last part, trying his best to comfort her. He knows she doesn't like people bothering her but he also knows that with some pushing, she'll warm up to the cameras.

One look at Ward and her body immediately melts, her face softening and a smile tugging at her cheeks. She nods to him, batting her lashes, "Okay.. sorry."

"Don't worry, we'll be doing the interviews privately so you have plenty of time to do your housework."

She nods, but stays silent. Any next word that comes out her mouth will only cause more tension.

/

“Hello Rose, So what would you say is the purpose of this show?”

"The purpose of the show, as Ward said to me, is to bring everyone down to Earth. To show them that just because we have money, it doesn't mean we have it easy. Everyone has their problems and their struggles that they deal with quietly, and I think this show will help to prove that even us, Kooks, have things going on too. Yes we're lucky because we have the fancy cars, the big house, the lack of worry for money. But it doesn't mean that we're always happy. Everyone has something to deal with, and for us, it's not money, but other things. This will show people that we aren't all emotionless snobby animals. We all have feelings and issues that we struggle with everyday, and Ward wants to share that with everyone. So they know that each and every person has their own life, and everyone has it difficult in some way or another no matter how rich or poor you are." The bottle of white wine finally hits Rose; the chores being done and the conversation with Ward beforehand has settled her. She's accepted that this is how their life is going to be from now on, with a little compensation from Ward to keep her going.

“Annddd could you tell us a little about yourself please Rose?”

"Well, I'm Rose Cameron. Im a stay at home mum. I help Ward with his business and I also run a real estate agency!" She pulls a smile, the interview finally being about something she loves, her. Somehow another glass of wine has made its way into her hand as the breeze from the now open doors blows her hair around in a rather attractive manner; complimenting her now, extroverted composure.

"Rose, earlier, Wheezie mentioned that you don't particularly like Bella that much? Could you tell us why?"

She shows us a tight smile, her eyes falling at the mention of Bella's name. Rose sighs heavily as she leans back against the couch crossing her arms like a toddler. "Because why should I? She stole Rafe from us, she takes up all Wards time, her and her brother are always here invading our space. Theres no reason to like her! It's a stupid question."

The change in tone made Ryan almost uncomfortable as he begins to break into a sweat. A man angry is scary, but a mother angry is worse. And Rose herself is one scary woman. "Right um.. Do you not think that maybe she's just trying to be nice? She makes Rafe and Wheezie very happy do you see that?"

"What is this? An interview about me or her?"

“I’ve asked everyone else-“

“You’ve asked everyone else about Bella? I’m sorry but as far as me and EVERYONE on the show is concerned, it’s about us. You know the ‘Camerons’? Where does she come into it?”

“Well everyone has a relation to her in some way. According to Ward she’s part of the family. I felt as though it was only right to ask atleast once?”

She rolls her eyes, checking her ‘watch’ that doesn’t exist and getting up off the couch without saying another word.

/

Rose didn’t want to speak anymore on the episode, so we didn’t get any extra footage of her. We tried but Ward suggested we don’t push her. She has heavy feelings on the Brooks and we have no place to ask her about them. Sorry.

[castle-dominion]

c3x24 knockout. Wasn't the last episode in this storyline knockout too? No, knockdown.

Plot heavy episode, after all, it is the finale.

RC: Hey, guys, I could use a hand. *Esposito & Ryan applaud* Ryan wearing a sweater again. Weekly is v often. their faces drop when they mention him

The ring <3 Lol the "special" & the "usual" & the excellent choice madame. I love it. An hour ago today? Why they all cheering? Oh bc he's the cop. "He" was going to get around to me Ugh he gives him a minute & lays down politely, like this is honestly so respectful of a murder. He's have more blood probably. I remember looking like that. I am now remembering that. You know, for weeks, possibly even a month or several months I could smell blood. The first day, even the first week bc i was still healing, I thought that the smell of blood was just there for real. The bathroom must have smelled like metal; iron & copper; idk how my family didn't notice anything. Maybe it was all in my head now that I think about it. Then later I realized that it was just a hallucination. Sometimes I'd get a whiff of blood & it would remind me of that night, other times I would remember it & suddenly I could smell it. Again, in the earlier days I thought that maybe the smell was real & I just didn't notice it until I thought about it. Figuring out I was getting hallucinations shocked me. Did I just give myself ptsd? I wish I had a photo. I considered it but my phone was in the other room & I wasn't going to go get it. All that blood. Looking back, even tho I'm (sort of) clean now, I want that photo. I wanted a reference for murder scenes in my writing or in drawing, I wanted to see the progress of what I had done, now that I can't remember it as well I want to know what it really looked like & how far I actually got. I used to get nauseous every time I thought about it, even though I was fine with gore. Now all I have is the scar. You know, I used to make jokes when picking raspberries or cutting beets, I said it looked like a murder scene. During this time I realized how wrong I was. Anyway I wrote a fictional story basically transcribing my experiences, just so I'd have a record of it if my memory faded, it was already getting muddy when I wrote it. Now reading it I can barely see it. I remember it though. I remember it. At least I don't get blood olfactory hallucinations anymore. Back to the episode!

Wow it's been four months? Yeah he has an employer. idek who that employer is. Wait if she was 16 & it's been 12 years then she's only 28... alexis is 17 & if he had her at minimum 18 that would be 35 minimum. Well that fits the half plus seven rule. She's 28? 21x2=42 which sounds just as accurate for castle tbh. Yeah cool. Tho tbh the half plus seven rule does fall apart the more you age since people's brains still go thru development phases even tho the most & biggest were from ages -1 to 25.

He technically isn't hal lockwood hence why they called him john doe. OH NO FLASHBANGS. Those things are not good. Even the guys breaking him out would have been affected, even if they covered their ears & closed their eyes. (You only have two hands, two would have to be for your ears & so all you can do is close ur eyes & even so it is bright & loud & there is a physical boom. She asks "where" but how does the lady know what she means? Where is it safe? Where did they go? Where are you hurt? Poor helicopter guy. was he piloting?

Just like, check ur inbox? Can't be real names, must be code. That's why espt made that face! Just like my Mumma! She has her emergency radio license or smth like that. She's the one who taught me the nato phoenetic alphabet. Having seen this. His face when the third cop is mentioned. they were just talking abt street justice cops & monty is saying they should take him out rn rn.

JE: He says he wouldn’t have even known anybody had used it if it weren’t for the bullet holes. XD Does she know or is she speculating? No ofc she is not, but she is ok enough & ok enough to work.

Jim Beckett! & This will be the scene from the deleted scenes in the previous episode. You're so right Mr Beckett. Her life is def worth more than her mom's death. I love Jim sm. Here is his quote btw: What happens when she finds him? I’ve already lost my wife over this. I’ve already lost – (he stops) No, look. It took me years, but I’ve made my peace with that. But Katie? She won’t listen to me. And she won’t back down. Not unless someone can convince her that her life is worth more than her mother’s death.

& wow both her parents are lawyers, she was even considering becoming a lawyer. No wonder she's so pretty & educated.

Didn't sleep at all or slept a little bit? No, not Ryker!

He gon be dead. Yep he dead.

That's why the wound is so bad, GSWs are so much worse in the exit wound Death fist 4 poster (btw I like how ryan takes off his tie & stuff when he wears his vest, unbuttons a bit)

See? If u treat someone with respect then they respect u too. Aw that's actually kinda sweet. Crushing on Beckett.

Ok our theory is currently that the third cop is the employer, the one holding lockwood's leash Ok that's valid you've been angry over johanna's death for twelve years but also ryan was frickin tortured by this guy I think he wants him around as much as u do, esp since he's also mad on your behalf (tho ig she could also be mad on his behalf then...)

I like ryan's elbow patches. (Suit tie & jeans) What was that little look from ryan? Keep in mind I've seen this before, when I say this: {RM is encouraging them to find the third cop, claiming that the 3c must have the money to hire dick coonan to clean up the mess} Yeah they've been here all day & between the four of them a six pack isn't too much. It's late. They deserve it. JE walking in with a case of beer behind his back: Sir. Uh, I know we're still officially on duty, but RM: Authorized KR: Sláinte (health in Gaeilge; pronounced slAn-chuh)* RC: Nice work. Ooh, those are cold. These are really cold. KR : Yeah, we keep them in evidence, refrigerated storage. (they just keep booze in refrigerated evidence storage??) RC: Isn't that where you keep the-- JE: Don't worry about it. RC: (*Irish Gaelic is pronounced (in English) 'gay-lik'. The (Scottish) Gaelic name for (Scottish) Gaelic is Gàidhlig, pronounced 'gaa-lik', not to be confused with the Irish (Gaelic) name for Irish (Gaelic), which is written Gaeilge and pronounced 'gail-gyuh'.) (clipping)

Beer: *casually reveals smth* Calls him a dirtbag SOB, {like my dude, y r u sending em out to find that info?} ((We get to see the meeting in a future season!)) Love. Everyone knows they love each other.

That rubber tree plant The kiss was for a disguise & frozen in each other's arms was for wamrth & bc friends can do that too! She's right tho, it IS her life. (just like the s8 premier) It is the end of s3 so it has been 3 years now? (maybe 2.5 bc the first season was short?) You deserve to be happy, but in that tone? Ooh How over? He is not going to abandon you.

Man's angry! Martha <3 <3 I can see how he might feel it is his fault even tho he's not the one trying to kill everyone. He drug it back up. (could clip but I won't)

I love when she calls him by his first name, it is so intense & personal, he is her second dad. He supports her so much so well. He really is good for her, helping her laugh, bringing in outside ideas... Hug her. acab lol But seriously hug her. You are her dad.

Old guys, probably retired they say. Miami! Wow ryan's cheekbones in this lighting... KR says he DOESN'T believe a "badge" is behind this. (Metonymy) {keep this detail in mind} (But then ryan is the first to crack abt you know who)

Oh no he's the third cop isn't he? {yeah he is} lol order off the menu (so roy made a deal with The Big Bad Guy to protect beckett) He would SO be found out B'y god's got nothing to do with this

What about the son? The way u hold someone intimately lets you put a thumb over their lips & kiss them That's an old timey gun. I like it. Another old timey gun.

Wow it's already been all day! Nothing eventful happened all day... At least miami dade got back to them this evening. Going out w/o telling her? I mean ok.

Big sad.

Bro's still wearing an nypd sweatshirt? Tight is a good word. Some rookie? Young enough to not be retired yet Could he have maybe misremembered the name if there were 40 others he needed to know the names of too & it's been 10 years? Montague maybe? He looks so baby *gulp* Rips up the photo, tbh that's rude

[JE is walking out into the alley] KR Hey! You know it's him. (He looks like he's about to cry.) Montgomery's our third cop. He's the one who altered those records. JE How can you even say that? How can you even think that?! Montgomery brought us on to Homicide! What do we got? A picture!?! KR (whispered/strained) Think about it. (Nromal but strained) Why else did he want us to take Lockwood out? Because Lockwood leads us to him! (Hun he told u to go after the third cop.) He's been lying to us. (Espt also looks like he might cry.) He's been lying to us the whole time. [JE shakes his head, mouthing what I think is "I'm out" & turns around to start walking away.] KR Hey! [Ryan grabs Espt's shoulder] JE Get off me! [Espt punches Ryan & turns around again. They fight. KR grabs him from the back & pushes him into the wall/truck/whatever that thing is. Espt pushes around & gets Ryan pinned to the truck with his hands on his shirt. & not in a sexy way. JE is yelling, holding KR's face & has his fist next to his head.] KR Go ahead! Go ahead! [JE throws Ryan's head to the side as he lets him go. They both lean against the wall, breathing heavily. They both look emotionally ruined.] KR Beckett.

AAAAAAGHHDSKJFSDHJ THIS IS MAKING ME INSANE & then they just don't talk about it.

Please don't let him be the one to kill her Girl set ur phone to vibrate, u'r a cop, this stuff can be dangerous. Why cock the gun? You can't put your family thru going to jail but this happens? (So babe you uh, don't they have ballistics for all nypd guns? when they pull the slug?)

A second chance <3 Who is the "he" They might have come even if Beckett didn't show up, as long as he said he got her there. Then again, they were probs watching. He is her dad so much Good on him to bring in Castle (of all people, he brought castle, even after kicking castle out) Oof this is where I stand They probs saw three figures there & probs even know he means to kill them. Castle is great he just picked her up like that! She was flailing & kicking & he just did what the captain said! Beauty!

(so lockwood has a bunch of people here too? Lockwood is not The Only One y'all) So there are four ppl there. Didn't they kill the two guys with Lockwood during the previous relevant episode? KB & RC came in to save JE & KR & they ended up shooting two of lockwood's people? Now lockwood has four more. Shoot from the hip... RM: You got that ass-backwards, boy, you can't hide from me.

love how they brought back the ass backwards line How did he shoot all of them so fast? Also with a gun like that wouldn't he have to cock it every time? Or maybe not, it was old fashioned, not old. It probably has the mechanism set so that the back thingy & the trigger are attached to pull back too. lockwood got shot, he's back up & running now? Love the music btw. Noooo not behindy! I saw to that. You're done, Lockwood, we both are. & that's why he had a sixshot & a second gun! ...Which was just up his sleeve like that & definitely dangerous

How did u know that was the last shot? What if lockwood was still alive (again) & now he's coming to kill you? At least she is wearing short heels Check his pulse maybe?

Lol acab. I'd just as well watch the Helena music video.

Is this beckett's apatment? I can't tell. Family. Doesn't include his legal family tho apparently. & you have accepted castle back? You know it's weird, Espt & Ryan are like Becket's little brothers (& big brothers) sometimes, they give Castle the cold shoulder in defense of Beckett; other times they are brothers with Castle, they have said "mom & dad [are] fighting" as if caskett is a relationship & those two are the kids, sometimes the captain is the dad. It's just so good to me. So good. Found family is lowkey cliche but I love it still. (But this means u can't tell alexis, martha, lanie, jim, or anyone, bc they are extended "family" not immediate "family" right?)

Who's the guy behind Espt there? Also why didn't Esposito shave?? I feel like Castle should be wearing a hat, just to fit in. Not a hat like theirs, but some sort of trilby maybe. Tbh I really like seeing the pigs in their blankets. Not only because I like fancy stuff (I say wearing the same dirty jeanjacket with holes in it like some crustpunk) but also bc I like seeing them in hats, speaking as a hat wearer myself. & who's the guy behind Ryan?

Crying quietly, 👌 love it You don't necessarily owe it to him, you owe it to his family, you owe it to them to get the pension & access to the widows+orphans fund & w/e.

I like how they let Castle carry the casket even tho he is not a cop. Ok my man definitely needs a hat, he really looks out of place. Aw the poor family. yk acab even tho he be dead. I mean best wishes to him & the families+friends. Like tbh big acab moments. A huge funeral for him? Ok how many ppl there actually knew him personally? How much of this is just because he was a fellow enforcer of the law? How much of it is REAL & how much of it enforces an institution where brotherhood takes priority? Btw did they teach castle how to do the proper stepping for the fancy parts of walking around & turning the way they do? I thought Royce did that. KB: You might find someone to stand with you *looks over to Rick* How did rick actually see that tho? I'm glad he didn't jump in front of a bullet, it hit her first. ALSO LANIE BEING HELP BACK BY ESPOSITO Girl that's not how you save someone. U might want to put pressure on the wound or wear gloves if u have any (like airplanes) & do NOT put your hands on the grass like that

Ok cool. Now I'm actually going to watch season one bc I never had the chance to liveblog that.

Ok now I've also gathered all my clips from s3 yay

[orangeoctopi7]

Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Suspicious Crash of Stanley Pines

The theme for @stanuary week 3 is Crime... what about... TRUE CRIME? I started watching Buzzfeed Unsolved this last summer, so I’ve been wanting to do something like this.

If you don’t watch Buzzfeed Unsolved, this is probably gonna seem like a lot of rambling.

On the morning of July Fourth, 1982 in the sleepy logging town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, there was a firey explosion that wasn't part of the fireworks and festivities. A car had gone over the edge of the town's famed floating cliffs.

"Floating cliffs?" Shane asked

"They're like, giant overhangs. They're not just floating up in the middle of the air like Pandora or something." Ryan explained, showing Shane a photo on his phone.

"Oh, that's pretty."

"It is really pretty."

"What a beautiful place for a car to careen over a cliff."

Ryan cracked up.

"You get a lovely view as you plummet to your death." Shane imagined.

Between 6:15 and 6:20 PM, the Gravity Falls Police Department received six separate calls reporting seeing a yellow car in flames drive off the edge of the cliff and crash to the valley below.

When investigators arrived on the scene, they found the remains of a crushed and burnt 1971 Subaru DL Coupe. The police report notes finding that the brakes were cut, and evidence of gasoline being poured into the driver’s seat to start the fire. Strangest of all, no body was found in or around the crash, only a few burnt strands of hair.

“So, right off the bat, real suspicious.” Shane commented.

“Yeah, and it only gets more suspicious from here.” Ryan assured his co-host.

“And I’m assuming there’s no chance that they guy, y’know, got up and walked away from the crash?” 

“Oh, no, no way. You saw the picture of the cliffs.”

“Oh yeah, no way.”

“There’s no way anyone in the car would have survived that fall.”

“And it was on fire.”

“And it was on fire.”

Despite the lack of a body, the police determined from the few burnt strands of hair and an anonymous tip they received at 6:15 PM on the day of the crash, the driver of the car was one Stanley Pines, a 31 year old man from Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. Allegedly, he had been coming to Gravity Falls, Oregon to visit his twin brother, Stanford, who lived just a ten minute drive from the cliff Stan’s car had driven off.

“Wait, wait, wait--” Shane interrupted Ryan’s explanation, “Twin brothers. Named Stanley and Stanford.”

“Yeah.”

“Who the f___ names their kids like that?”

“I know, right?”

“Were they identical twins?”

“Uh, I couldn’t find anything saying they were definitely genetically identical, but, uh, with the way this case goes, it’s safe to assume they were identical enough.”

“Yikes, I feel sorry for them growing up, can you imagine how often people got them mixed up?”

“Yeah, but imagine the kinds of shenanigans they must have gotten up to!”

“Oh, that’s true. There would have been plenty of shenanigans. Lots and lots of shenanigans.”

“If you had twins, would you give them cutesy twin names?” Ryan asked.

“No.” Shane answered firmly.

“I think I’d just do like, alliterative names. Nothing too similar.” 

“Yeah, no I think twins probably have to deal with enough confusion bull___ without having to throw similar names or the same initials into the mix.”

“Interestingly enough…” Ryan started.

“Yeah, I’m guessing from your comments that the twin thing plays into this.”

When interviewed by the police, Stanford claimed his brother never arrived at his house. However, testimonies of other townsfolk reported seeing a red 1967 El Diablo with a distinctive “STNLYMBL” vanity license plate driving up the road to Stanford’s house earlier that winter. The house is out in the woods, isolated from the rest of the town, so no one would drive up that way unless they were going to see the cabin.

“Well what if they just wanted to take a walk out in the woods?” Shane countered.

“It was in early February.” 

“Snowshoeing.”

“In a blizzard.”

“Ok, you do not have a weather report for the exact day they saw this car!”

“Two of the testimonies mention there was a snow storm that day. Plus, the license plate says STANLEY MOBILE.”

“Well, Stanley is a fairly common name.”

“You-you’re just being contrary to bug me now, aren’t you?” Ryan accused.

Shane just grinned.

What’s more, that same red El Diablo was the car Stanford now drove. 

“What!?” Shane laughed with disbelief for a moment before putting on a mocking tone. “Uh, yeah, he never showed up, but, uh, I have his car. I’m still driving it. Y’know, seemed like a waste to just let it sit in the driveway.”

“He didn’t even change the license plate.” Ryan added.

“Oh, of course not!” Shane said sarcastically. “Why go through all that trouble?”

Upon further inspection, the car that crashed was registered to Stanford, and had been reported totaled almost seven years prior.

“It’s interesting that they say it was totaled.” Ryan commented. “Because totalled just means that the damage is more expensive to fix than the car is worth, so it could have still been drivable.”

“And if you’re trying to fake a car crash, what better to use than an already worthless car?” Shane agreed. 

“Exactly.”

Stanley Pines was declared dead by auto accident and the case was closed in September of 1982, due to lack of evidence and quote: “A lack of interest from the involved parties”.

“A lack of interest from the involved parties!? What the h___ does that even mean?” Shane asked in bewilderment.

“It’s odd, to be sure.”

It’s when we look into the background of the presumed dead Stanley, and his brother Stanford, that this case becomes truly bizarre. 

Stanley Pines left home at the age of 17, and had brief but unsuccessful careers as an amature prize fighter and as a salesman, before he turned to a life of crime. Prior to his reported death, he had been in prison five times, in three different countries, and had lived under at least eight different assumed names, with several others that were never confirmed. He had known ties to the mob and drug cartels.

“Quite the shady character. That might explain why the police didn’t look too closely into his ‘death’.” Shane put air quotes around “death”.

“Well, does it? I mean, if they thought his death might have been related to the mob…” Ryan argued.

“They know better than to mess with the mob, even in Oregon.”

“I mean, we have seen in several past True Crime episodes, what can happen if you mess with the mob.”

“Oh yeah.”

“You don’t wanna do it.”

“Nope.”

His brother Stanford was no less strange. He was born with fully-functional polydactyly, meaning he had six fingers on each hand. It’s worth noting that after 1982, Stanford no longer had 6 fingers. He claims that he had them surgically removed, because, quote: “I was sick of people staring.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” Shane said doubtfully.

“You don’t believe that explanation?”

“Let’s just say I find it highly suspect.”

Stanford was also a certified genius, graduating with the most PhDs Backupsmore University had ever awarded. As a graduate student, he worked as a researcher and inventor for the US Government. Some sources say he worked on top-secret experiments. 

In 1975, he received a $100,000 research grant, which he used to move to Gravity Falls and become a Paranormal Researcher. When he arrived in Gravity Falls, he was the subject of many rumors throughout the town, due to his reclusive nature and strange area of study. 

“Oh, so this guy was basically you.” Shane pointed out.

“He’s basically me if I didn’t have you.” Ryan agreed.

“Awww, that’s sweet!” Shane placed a hand over his heart.

Many residents reported seeing strange lights coming from Stanford’s home in the woods starting almost as soon as he moved in, as well as strange sounds.

“Well, it seems like Gravity Falls is a pretty small town. People gossip.” Shane reasoned.

“Ok, yeah, but people gossip about who’s cheating on who, or what business secretly sells drugs out the back. They don’t gossip about strange lights coming out of the new neighbor’s basement.”

“They could. It’s gossip. Gossip can be about anything.”

Reports of the lights stopped in late January of 1982. Just four months later, in March, Stanford began opening up his home for tours, and in a matter of weeks, transformed his home into a tourist stop called the “Murder Hut.”

“Oh my g__.” Shane stifled a laugh. “A little on the nose there, don’t you think?”

“He did rename it to the Mystery Shack about a year later.”

“Hmm, yeah I wonder why?” Shane asked facetiously. 

Stanford also exhibited paranoid behavior on several occasions before the crash, especially in the early months of 1982.

One local reported seeing Stanford screaming “No it isn’t, you creeps! I can see you just fine!” down an alleyway. Several other eyewitnesses reported seeing him fall out of his seat at the Triple Digits Truck Stop Diner on Route 14 and scream for something to “get out of his mind” before fleeing the building.

“So, he definitely seemed to think something was out to get him.” Ryan commented.

“Not the words of a sane man.”

“Unless something really was out to get him.”

“Eeeeh, even then…” Shane wiggled his hand in a so-so motion. 

Dan Corduroy, one of the few people who had regular contact with Stanford before he opened the Mystery Shack, had this to say about the sudden change from research lab to tourist trap:

“Oh, he’s definitely been acting differently. He was really shy before, hard to talk to even. He seemed uncomfortable spending a lot of time with people. I’d invite him over to one of my family’s cabins to visit, but he only ever wanted to visit the haunted one while we were all out of town. I’d say it was a good change, though. It wasn’t good for him to be alone all the time like that. I’m glad he’s finally spending time with other people.”

“He only wanted to visit our haunted cabin.” Shane repeated with disbelief. “Hey, do you wanna come over to visit one of our cabins?” He put on a voice. “Uh, that depends, what kind of cabins have you got?’ ‘Well there’s one by the lake, one with a nice view of the valley, and one that’s haunted.’ ‘Oh, I’ll take the haunted one!”

“What gets me is he only wanted to visit the haunted cabin while everyone else was out of town. We’ve stayed in our fair share of haunted places, and it was bad enough staying overnight, just me and you, but there is nothing that could convince me to spend the night in one of those places all by myself.”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure none of the places we’ve been to have actually been haunted, but I see what you mean. It’s not fun to go to a haunted house by yourself. It’s kinda boring.”

“Um, we’re not gonna get into this discussion now, because we still haven’t even gotten to the theories yet, but you’re wrong.”

The case came to light again in August of 2012, when Federal agents arrested Stanford Pines, and detained him for several hours for questioning. By the next day, he had been released, and officials stated that his arrest had been due to a false lead. What exactly that false lead was, however, was never stated.

Now that we’ve gone over the extensive background of this case, let’s get into the theories of what really happened that 4th of July in 1982.

Theory #1: The theory put forth by the police, that Stanley Pines died in a fiery car accident.

“So then how do they explain what happened to the body?” Shane asked.

“It doesn’t say.” Ryan.

“And why were the breaks cut?”

“No explanation given.”

“That’s a stupid theory, those cops ought to be fired.”

Ryan stifled a laugh. “You’re not wrong.”

Theory #2: That Stanley killed his brother, made it look like his own death, and took over his brother’s life. This would explain the loss of his extra fingers, the sudden change in behavior that led him to open up the Mystery Shack, and his sudden acquisition of Stanley’s car. It does not, however, explain the lack of a body in the crash.

“He could have disposed of his brother’s body somewhere else, and then just like, left an ice block on the gas pedal and let the car run itself off the cliff.” Shane theorized.

“That’s possible. I was also thinking, maybe the body was gone. Maybe Stanley didn’t necessarily kill Stanford, maybe they met up in the woods, Stanford got eaten by a bear, and Stanley, who was already in trouble with the mob, took advantage of the situation, and faked his own death.”

“How--why did you work your fear of bears into this?” 

“That’s just my variation on this theory.”

“Then why all the secrecy? Why not say that he was the one who got eaten by the bear? Why fake the car crash and then say his brother never showed up?”

“Because if the mob knew he’d talked to his brother before he died, maybe they’d come question him?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s a possibility.”

Theory #3: That Stanford killed Stanley and made it look like an accident. People who support this theory say the psychological trauma and guilt of killing his own brother may have driven Stanford to change his appearance and behavior to more closely resemble that of his dead brother.

“That’s… kind of a stretch.” Shane said slowly. “I feel like, Occam's Razor, theory 2 is more plausible.”

“What makes you say that one’s more plausible?”

“I dunno, just saying ‘He killed his brother and took his place’ seems a lot more likely than ‘The other brother killed him and the guilt drove him to act like his brother. I don’t think that’s how psychology works.”

Theory #4: Both brothers are still alive. Stanley, on the run from the mob, came to his brother Stanford for help. Meanwhile, Stanford was worried about someone or something that was out to get him. They came to a solution that would solve both their problems: switching places. They would fake Stanley’s death, throwing the mob off of Stanley’s trail. Then, Stanley would take Stanford’s place in the public eye, while Stanford went into hiding.

This theory is supported by photos that surfaced on Facebook in 2012. Several photos of Gravity Falls after a series of earthquakes did extensive damage to the town show what is supposed to be Stanford. However, another man that looks just like him is seen standing in the background. Interestingly enough, both mens’ hands are obscured in all of these photos. 

While the photos haven’t been analysed by any professionals to definitively determine if either of the men are Stanley Pines, it has been determined that the photos are not edited.

“Would the whole photo recognition software even work on identical twins?” Ryan wondered.

“I don’t think so?” Shane answered unsurely. “I mean, my Facebook facial recognition auto-tag doesn’t even recognize my mom half the time, so I wouldn’t be surprised if twins throw it off.”

“Just looking at some of these photos yourself, what do you think?” Ryan handed a few print-outs from his folder to Shane.

“Oh wow, yeah, they do look alike.” Shane nodded. “Alright, yeah, I’m convinced. We solved it, guys! Video over!”

“We actually do have one more theory.” Ryan informed him.

Theory #5: Stanford was abducted by aliens.

“Oh for f___’s sake--” Shane threw his hands up in frustration. “We have four perfectly good, plausible explanations, and you have to throw that in!”

“This one actually does have some evidence behind it.”

“Bull____, but go on.”

Stanford was a professional paranormal researcher. Although he was very secretive about his research, even to his grant committee, some of his research notes do list looking for proof of ancient aliens visiting the valley before European contact. Could it be the thing he was afraid of was aliens?

“... That’s it?” Shane asked. “When you said this one actually had some evidence behind it, I thought you meant there was a UFO sighting in the same area around the same time.”

“The negative space between the floating cliffs kinda looks like a UFO” Ryan pointed out.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean a random researcher in the 80’s was abducted by aliens! That’s like, if I found a ransom note for you in the office, but I said ‘Well, Ryan was afraid of bears. Bears used to live in California, there’s one on the state flag outside our building. He must have been eaten by a bear.’ That’s the kind of leap in logic we’re talking about!”

Was this a case of fratricide? Or is this the longest and most elaborate twin switch of all time? For now, this case remains… UNSOLVED.

 * * *

“It was really hard for me to stay on topic while I was researching this one.” Ryan admitted as they wrapped things up. “There is a lot of weird stuff related to Gravity Falls, we should go there for an episode one of these days.”

“I’d love to do that, it looks like a beautiful place to visit.” Shane agreed. “Are you sure you wanna do that though? It seems like the place is crawling with haunted cabins and bears.”

“Well, one could argue this entire series is about me conquering my fears, so… Why not?”

[thealexchen]

i’ve actually read both of the articles that you mentioned earlier! I could see where both of them were coming from at varying points, though shannon liao’s struck me as a tad harsh, as someone who felt very seen by Alex, particularly with regard to her asian-american identity, and the cultural details and familial attitudes you see displayed throughout the game (especially in episode 5.) I could see why others would like them to be more overt, but they’re still present & relevant as is, imo.

I'm happy you read and enjoyed them! Well, since we’re on the subject, I might as well give my fuller thoughts about all this. This answer got horrendously long, so I'm putting it under a read more. I really wanted to talk about this more fully, so thank you for sending this ask!

I definitely see Robert's point in his article. Alex didn’t need to be Asian for the story of True Colors to be told, but it’s still meaningful that she is so that Asian fans and fans of color can look up to her and feel represented. The Chens buck a lot of stereotypes too: Mrs. Chen was not a “tiger mom” and her kids and husband remember her fondly. Mr. Chen doesn’t push Alex and Gabe to excel in school, and in fact neither Alex nor Gabe went to college, but they still had happy futures. Alex isn’t the best friend or the Asian schoolgirl or the dragon lady or the Asian nerd. But at the same time, when Robert says "Alex never really talks about her thoughts on Chinese culture,” that’s like— well, what’s wrong with talking about it? Why not talk about it more explicitly? The words “Asian” and “Chinese” and “Vietnamese” aren’t even used in the game when "gay" and "lesbian" were, and that's a little disappointing.

I figured people would figure out Alex was at least Chinese because of her last name, but I saw some streamers unsure of what Alex’s ethnicity even was (“Alex is… Chinese, right?”). That was disappointing because Asians tend to be treated as a monolith when we’re so internally diverse. Also, it’s completely possible to miss that Alex and Gabe are also half-Vietnamese. Their mother’s name is Giang “Wendy” Chen, a Vietnamese name, but that’s only in the credits. There’s far less Vietnamese (and Southeast Asian) rep than Chinese, so I wish that had been made more explicit.

In Life is Strange 2, Sean and Daniel’s struggles (personal and institutional) were centered around their identity as half-Mexican boys. True Colors almost seemed to be going in the opposite direction in that Alex’s Asian heritage never really becomes plot-relevant, but Alex and Gabe’s background comes into focus in the last chapter.

Part of Shannon’s critique was that because Alex’s parents aren’t in the picture, the game can’t explore Asian culture through a familial lens. There is some truth to that: for children of immigrants in particular, their parents are their strongest (and sometimes only) link to their race and culture. I thought a big missed opportunity was exploring Alex’s possible sense of isolation and struggle to reconnect with her Asian heritage after being separated from her family.

After growing up with two Asian parents, eating Asian food, celebrating Asian holidays, likely speaking Asian languages, etc. it would have likely been disorienting and lonely for Alex to suddenly be raised by non-Asian foster parents and lose all those traditions all at once. Possible comments like “I really miss Mom’s pho” or “Do you know how difficult it is to find hoisin sauce in the stores around here?” could have inferred more at that specific kind of loss and isolation in Haven Springs. The game touches upon this very briefly when you look at Gabe’s shrine, and Alex does comment “I don’t even know if I’m doing this right… but I felt like I had to do something.” In this way, I find it especially poignant that she still held onto cultural traditions after so long.

But I still thought Shannon’s critique was overly harsh. The little details really do add up, like in Alex’s childhood home, and meant a lot to me too. And most importantly, there was representation behind the scenes too: Alex was voiced by two(!) Asian American women and the lead writer, Felice Kuan, is Chinese. I think Alex naming her mouse Shu-shu was my favorite detail. Because it’s the one detail you can’t miss. Every streamer remembers Shu-Shu’s name and loves how cute she is and they can probably infer it’s a Chinese term. It just is so visible and empowering in that way and my heart felt warm every time I heard someone say “Aw! Shu-shu!"

But that doesn't mean Alex's Asian heritage didn't matter at all. I really appreciated that Alex's backstory still mattered because she came from a poor, working-class immigrant family. Her life circumstances were used for drama, but none of Alex's suffering was racially motivated and that felt tastefully done. I’m gonna paraphrase a comment I saw on alliebeemac’s playthrough of episode 5: "It's no coincidence that both Alex and Ryan lost their mothers at a young age, but because Ryan's father was a military veteran and had a high-paying job as a Typhon foreman, he got to keep his childhood whereas Alex's entire world was torn apart... And if you want to look at it even more metaphorically, the white patriarch Jed was able to preserve his own image as a hero and 'good old boy' of Haven by literally sacrificing an immigrant family to the mines with the expectation that nobody would come looking for them. Whether you're an immigrant or whether you're a foster child, the system is saying 'we don't care about you.'"

And at the end, Alex tells Jed, "You want to look away and pretend the men you hurt weren't people. But I won't let you.” It's a deliberate stand against Jed (a white man)’s dehumanization of poor laborers, including her Chinese immigrant father. Jed isn't explicitly portrayed as a racist, but his actions come from a privileged, and subsequently racist and classist place. For me, it worked better than LiS2's portrayal of racism because it was subtler and more personal. Alex stands up against Jed out of a personal sense of justice for her brother (and her father).

Do I wish we had more? Yeah, absolutely. I wish Alex got to actually speak Mandarin or Vietnamese in the game because that's so rare in games, even though I knew that would be unrealistic because Erika Mori is Japanese. I wish the character artists had at least made a version of Alex and Gabe’s models without shoes, because it just didn’t look right to see them wear shoes in the house (especially in bed??) and even LiS2 had Sean and Daniel in their socks in some scenes. I wish Alex and Gabe talked more about their family while Gabe was still alive and Alex could have had that comfort of someone who misses the food and customs they used to celebrate. But like I said, one piece of media isn’t gonna please everyone. And Asian representation in particular is so tricky because not only is there not enough of it, but Asian Americans are so diverse and come from so many different backgrounds. Children of immigrants are going to feel more connected to their Asian heritage than third or fourth gen kids or mixed race kids for example. Everyone is going to have a different definition of “Asian culture” and “accurate representation.”

But on a meta-level, it really means so much to simply have an Asian face on the box of a major Western game ❤️ Like even just seeing the way Alex's eyes crinkle when she smiles or how other characters find her attractive (like Steph’s note during the LARP preferring Alex’s natural black hair), it feels so affirming. It’s incredible to see an Asian girl be called the hero of her own story, to see her succeed and fail and cry and laugh and fall in love and kiss another woman and be comfortable in her bisexuality. It acknowledges that the queer community includes Asians, that Asian girls can also be curvy, that Asian girls can and do struggle with mental health. And like Erika Mori said, Alex is a fully-realized character and that’s what makes her so compelling, first and foremost. She also has a strong moral compass and dreams and fears and is such an incredible role model for people of all backgrounds, and that’s what makes her identity as a queer woman of color so much more meaningful.

[tuiyla]

hope you don't mind my (way, way too long) input as a Klaine Fan™️ - you don't have to post/answer if it's too much for you, I just wanted to share my thoughts - but I feel like Klaine was one of the few things that Matthew Hodgson didn't completely fuck up. in almost the eps he's written, the Klaine parts have been relatively okay and even good in some cases.

I know Glee, Actually is a dud for the most part but I really enjoyed the Blaine/Burt/Kurt family dynamic in their portion of the episode. it could've been better, since our fandom was expecting the mature conversation about Blaine's cheating that we were promised in 4x08 instead of that being overshadowed by Burt's cancer diagnosis, but I blame that on Ryan Murphy (since he admitted to including Burt's cancer storyline as a way to cope w/ his own father's death from cancer) and not on Matt Hodgson. for what he was given to work with, the man did a pretty decent job with the Klaine storyline in that ep and I was more or less satisfied with it.

I'd say that Transitioning was even better. IMO it was by far Klaine's best episode in season 6, because it completely did away with so much of what bothered me about their storyline in S6 (namely Sue's interference in their relationship + the way that she was used to mock fans) and instead it went back to the roots of why they loved (and liked) each other in the first place. plus it included a bunch of fun callbacks to the episode in which they had their first kiss, which I really appreciated. somehow it even made me feel okay with Blainofsky, and that breakup scene in 6x07 was what cemented to me that Karofsky really had grown and changed into a better person and that there were zero malicious intentions in his relationship with Blaine. I'm honestly impressed that the same clown who wrote IKAG managed to pull off an episode like that.

it's kind of odd that Matt did such a good job with Klaine in his eps while completely fucking over everyone else in the same episode (see Glee Actually and the Bram wedding 🤮 compared to Klaine's sweet family storyline), and even in IKAG Klaine got a whole-ass duet while Brittany stayed mute and wasn't allowed to talk to her girlfriend. he gave Kurt and Blaine the best in his eps and didn't give that care to anyone else on the show. hmmm...y'know what, I've solved the mystery - maybe Matt is the evil Klaine anon 🤪

(but then again, Puppet Master exists, so maybe everything I've just said is completely invalid and Matt Hodgson is just the worst as a whole...two decent Klaine eps are not enough to make up for all the atrocities he's committed 🥴)

This is much appreciated!

Klaine (+ Burt) are the saving grace of Glee, Actually for sure, and I think Transitioning is okay for what it is. Haven't watched it in a long while but like, it was alright, and I agree that the Klaine parts were good, even. I'm not sure if there's a reason he did a surprisingly good job with Klaine - I forgot to make this point earlier, but I genuinely believe he's just a bad writer. That doesn't mean he doesn't have good moments, but by putting together his portfolio we can see that there's a theme of completely butchering, well, theme lol and characters for the sake of stupid punchlines or just some random ass plotpoint. I think he's the type of writer who's annoying because they think they're being sooo clever and funny.

Anyway, so whatever the reason may be, I agree with you and I appreciate this perspective. I think he can tap into some good stuff, like the NY stuff in Glee, Actually, while also getting carried away with his own BS. I think it could be fun - well, cathartic at least to properly go through his stories and examine why exactly he's a flop. Except for IKAG because, ugh, shuddering at the thought. And you know I do feel like disclaiming that this is all just about his work 😂 He's probably a decent dude, whatever, I've just had anons trying to make things personal with him and I don't believe in that. I'll leave the man's character alone but I will maintain that he's a shit writer with occasional good moments, and credit where credit is due his handling of Klaine was okay and even good in places. Maybe that's because he is EKA 😌

But yeah, Flopson is still a flop but he gets a "not as much of a jerk bad writer as he could have been" badge. Nothing will ever fully redeem him but he didn't completely suck in his handling of Glee lol. And hey, an actual Klaine discussion instead of whatever EKA is, yay 😂

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Winter 2013 - The Beginning of the End and Dianna’s Private Tumblr

January 4, 2013 - Haylor Breakup

Taylor and Harry publicly split and leave us with this iconic picture:

January 10, 2013 - People’s Choice Awards

Haylor is done, Harry is back in the UK, but Taylor shows up with a hickey anyway.  (Dianna is in LA at this time.)

Some time this month Taylor writes How You Get The Girl which is about obviously someone who comes back to get the girl.  She references “standing in the rain” and “a long six months.”  It’s hard to know if these details are more “fanfic” or actual autobiographical details.

This six months may actually refer to the end of bearding for a while (because it seems like Swiftgron did reunite in Paris in early October.)  Exactly six months after Taylor started dating Conor Kennedy would be January 25th, 2013.

As for the rain...

It rained twice in LA this month according to weather reports on the 21st and on the 23rd:

Dianna is in LA at this point and has started a private Tumblr blog under the name whosirmesir (we verified it was hers over on @swiftgron-get-married - and you can click here for more on that if you’re curious and actually I did an entire podcast episode walking people through it if you’re like like to listen to an in depth breakdown of it click here for apple OR click here for spotify OR click here for google.  

I also recommend searching the whosirmesir tag on @swiftgron-get-married​ because we’ve logged a lot of interesting moments and connections to Taylor (quotes, art, and other items that tie DIanna and Taylor together.)

On the private tumblr on January 25th Dianna reblogs this:

It reads “i think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that...”

This is also the time period it is rumored that Dianna proposed to Taylor.  I’m not sure what to make of these rumors.  I have not been able to get anywhere near confirming them.  It’s entirely unsubstantiated - but I explored the rumor further in this blog post (click for link.)  And also on the podcast (will link just a bit down in this post because it relates to something else we’re about to discuss.)

February 4, 2013 - Dianna recommends “Far Nearer” by Jaime on twitter:

The lyrics are essentially:

“I feel better when I, you feel better when I I feel better when I have you near me

You Me You I do, I do, I do“

repeated over and over again

February 9, 2013 - Neruda quote on Tumblr from Dianna

Dianna posts a quote to Tumblr.  The translation is, “I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”

It’s worth noting that Taylor namechecked Neruda in the Red album booklet.

February 10, 2013 - The Grammys

Dianna wants to make sure everyone is watching:

And Taylor posts:

“Look what happened! :)”

She won for Safe and Sound:

And she performs her circus themed rendition of WANEGBT (where she mocks Harry Styles on stage making fun of his accent when she sings the “so he calls me up on the phone” part of the song even though this song was written before she was even with him.)

The only other time Dianna tweeted about the Grammys was when Glee was involved the year before.

February 14, 2013 - Achele breakfast and The Inside Source at Glee Tweet

According to a Facebook user Cory, Dianna, and Lea have breakfast this morning (or around this time):

Later that day Taylor posts the infamous tweet:

The Glee Episode “I Do” airs and there is no Taylor song included.  However Dianna and Naya’s characters hook up:

After the episode airs Taylor deletes her tweet.

As always I’m not entirely sure what to make of this but to me it boils down to three possibilities:

1.  The fandom seems to think this proves that Dianna purposefully tricked Taylor into watching her “hook up” with Naya on screen.  It’s completely possible that that’s the case but I think the next two options make a bit more sense.

2.  It was a simple misunderstanding or a joke gone wrong.  Taylor had a song earlier on that season of glee (Mine sung as a breakup song by Naya) and I have been told another song of Taylor’s was marketed for another glee episode later that spring.  Perhaps someone got their wires crossed and misinformed Taylor.  

3.  Other nefarious parties:  

a.  It’s possible that Lea was behind this - she publicly had beef with Taylor at one point and she had been with Dianna that morning.  Maybe she met up with DIanna, heard about Swiftgron being happy and back together and got a little jealous and decided to prank Taylor.  

b.  Ryan Murphy also seemed to despise both Dianna and Taylor around this time.  He was also famous for stirring up drama with Gleeks on twitter and generally sewing discontent (particularly surrounding wlw ships and fans).  Ryan seems to have a problem with women/lesbians in general.  He treated Brittana as a couple horribly on Glee as well as their shippers.

He very publicly shaded Taylor in season one of Scream Queens and said in an interview that Dianna ruined Quinn for him because he said she made her sympathetic. 

Not only that but in season 3 he destroyed her character - he made her have a mental breakdown - he had her try and steal a baby - he had her get hit by a car - and a huge plotline in season 3 was Quinn begging Rachel (Lea’s character so Dianna’s irl ex) not to marry Finn (played by Cory - literally the guy Lea chose Dianna over - this is like...emotionally abusive if you ask me.)  After season 3 Dianna only appeared in 8 episodes of the remaining 55 after being in every episode and the top third billed of the cast in the first three seasons.

Furthermore in a show called The New Normal there was a bitchy actress character named Brynn who he wrote as high maintenance and unpleasant and then killed off.

So yeah...seems fair to at least consider that Ryan or Lea who publicly had problems with both Taylor and Dianna may have been trying to create problems for Swiftgron.  One last note about Lea - there was not a single Achele interaction for the entire year of 2013.  The most we got was Dianna liking a tweet about Lea’s album in December 2013 and when asked about one another in interviews they would vaguely say they were still friends.  No tweets to one another, no birthday messages, no candids, no hang outs.  Lea’s book was also written around this time and does not make a single mention of Dianna - her former roommate and “best friend” even though she spends plenty of time talking about others on the Glee cast.

I did a podcast episode on both the proposal rumors and the inside source at Glee tweet if you want more extensive takes on that!

While I’m not entirely sure Dianna had anything to do with this tweet Taylor references this date (2-14-13) by putting it on a dollar bill as a serial number in The Man music video:

At any rate Taylor deletes the tweet and replaces it with one about her dancers:

Dianna tweets 9 hearts that day (I don’t know if that’s significant but if they were together from March 2012 to July 2012 and then October 2012 to this point it would mean 9 months together...)

February 19, 2013 - Sad Charlie Brown Tumblr post from Dianna:

February 27, 2013 - Fitzgerald quote

Taylor listed this as a quote to live by in an interview with Marie Claire a few months later.

I’m not sure if it’s important but Dianna is very quiet this winter and spring in terms of showing up at events, parties, even being papped out on the street compared to other years around this time.  She seems to disappear a bit.

February 27, 2013 - Taylor gives a bday shoutout to her Fiddle player Caitlin:

“Happy Birthday to my magical friend, fiddle extraordinaire @/caitlinbird” 

March 12, 2013 - Weird tweets from Dianna “One of those days.”

March 13, 2013 - It’s the first day of the Red tour (is that why Dianna had questions?)

About the Red Tour - the last act of the tour seems to be circus themed which may have been inspired by Dianna’s 26th birthday the previous year and really interestingly Taylor has a white rabbit, which is a reference to Alice in Wonderland (Dianna’s favorite piece of media ever) follows Taylor around stage during the WANEGBT performance as she’s dressed up like a circus ringleader:

March 18, 2013 - Dianna goes on a Girls HBO rant (we know who also loved Girls the show and its creator Lena Dunham (Taylor))

End of March - Lena and Ashley show up at the Red Tour backstage

Conclusion - Swiftgron is on but completely underground.  Dianna is blogging and tweeting romantic things about missing girls, Taylor’s interests, and secret love, all while watching Taylor perform at the Grammys and encouraging others to tune in.  Something weird happened with the inside source at Glee tweet but who knows what.  Dianna seems a bit restless and emo while Taylor leaves to go on tour.

Click here to keep reading!

[airdropababy]

A Guide To The Wayward Guide Podcast: Chapter 3

Previous Chapter Guides: Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Chapter length: ~18 minutes

Release Dates:

Podcast: October 30th, 2020

YouTube: January 1st, 2021

Who Do We Hear From?

Established Characters: Henry, Cliff, Rocky, Jewel, Silas, Ags, and The Mayor

Guest Voices:

Emily Darvill as the news announcer

Jaime Lyn Beatty as Jacobsen (newscaster that breaks the story of Silas being hired at Miner Mole)

Jeff Blim as the host of Stock Jock Radio.

Episode Transcript Link: Chapter 3

Placement in Continuity: This episode opens after the final events of Episode 3 then goes back to cover when they visited Miner Mole Inc earlier that same day and spoke with the Irons family as well as Silas.

Chapter Breakdown:

Intro: Artemis alone talks about how even though she and Paul are very different for twins, they have “twintuition” for sensing what’s going on with each other, noting it’s usually mundane little things but sometimes it’s something bigger- like when Paul was involved in an accident on their third day in Connor Creek.

Artemis intercuts her monologue with phone audio from a drunken burping Dr. Henry Edwards about “an accident.”

Artemis could sense it was related to Paul when she got the call about two hours after they had separated.

The argument they had before separating, according to Artemis, was due to not agreeing on what leads to follow on their third day in Connor Creek.

Artemis notes it was the evening when she got the call and she was reviewing the tape from earlier in the day when she got it.

After the Theme Song: Paul is still alive. The Irons Family are very pro-Miner Mole as the mining industry in town is dying. Artemis and Paul share their research on Miner Mole Inc and Silas, the recently-demoted trust fund bro regional manager that is passionate about climbing back up the corporate ladder. Artemis and Paul muse about the mysterious large payment he made to TFCC. Silas threatened Artemis and Paul before Artemis left his office that day.

Paul introduces himself as: “ Your una-paul-agetic co-host." and goes on to spoil that he clearly survived his attack as he has been doing half of the post-production narration all along.

The Irons family members are interviewed as pro-Miner Mole citizens:

Cliff and Rocky blame the previous town council for limiting mining to only souvenirs when tourism was dropping.

Jewel has been pulled out of school to work in the mine with them as money is tight and she’s not very bright.

Jewel had previously worked at the marionette theater but was creeped out by the puppets.

Cliff got the council (as a council member himself) to lift the child labor laws so Jewel could work full-time in the mine.

The Irons felt things turn around when Miner Mole started airing an ad before, during, and after Barney’s daily radio show. 350 times in one summer.

The ad, voiced by Silas himself, about a job fair at the upcoming council meeting. It impressed the Irons family.

Artemis and Paul did look into Miner Mole and Silas before going over to Silas’s office:

Miner Mole’s parent company is Chimera World Wide, originally a silicon processing company that was essential to ushering in the use of computers in central Europe.

Chimera expanded to many different field over 60+ years but their fossil fuel division was on the verge of bankruptcy in nearly a fifth of their portfolio due to the clean energy push.

They play news coverage of Silas being named president of domestic sales for Miner Mole and how it surged Chimera’s stock.

It’s also revealed that Silas is the son of an oil tycoon.

Previously he had used his inheritance to create a pilates franchise brand and a bolo tie subscription service.

Artemis and Paul go on to explain Silas’s “All American, All Mine” plan which targeted rural communities with midsize aging mining infrastructure and exploited the low income communities by monopolizing their primary resource.

Audio from Stock Jock Radio is played saying to not buy Chimera’s stock due to how Silas spent over 300K in a single quarter on personal expenses as president of Miner Mole and was demoted to regional manager of the Connor Creek mining location.

Then they play additional audio from when Artemis interviewed Silas:

Silas points out he’s not the only enemy Ryan made on his crusade against mining.

Silas goes on to defend that he’s trying to save the town with mining so that he can get re-promoted out of Connor Creek once it succeeds.

Artemis mentions the note about the $122,123 payment to TFCC and she and Paul consider what TFCC could be

They also wonder who the “we” Silas was referring to when talking about how they were going to do big things.

It ends with audio of Silas threatening Artemis and Paul for Artemis continuing to record after he said the conversation was over.

Next Time: Ags re-introduces herself to Artemis

shares that she’s the minute keeper for the town council

She responds to the Mayor barking for her

What Do We Learn About Connor Creek?

Henry notes Sheriff Madison told him about Artemis and Paul’s arrival as he had been to the Dead Canary earlier that day and “lost track of time” (aka, doesn't remember meeting them)

Jewel calls Paul’s digital recorder a “walkman” despite having been born in the 21st century.

Jewel worked at the same marionette theater that Madison and Ryan’s father did his Pirates of Penzance production at.

Cliff had to sell family heirloom tools and Rocky tried tutoring to make extra money and mining became less lucrative as tourism fell locally.

Cliff and Rocky both had miners for parents as well.

Barney’s daily radio show was called “Local Yokel, No Joke-yl”

Ag’s introduces herself not only as a travel agent but also a broach enthusiast and minute keeper for the council.

It took Ags four viewings of Starlight Express to realize the characters were trains.

What Do We Learn About Artemis and Paul?

This is the first time the podcast has mentioned that they’re twins in addition to siblings

Paul is the older twin by an hour and forty-six minutes.

They consider the time between births as the basis in their differences that remain outside their twintuition.

Artemis mentions their parents also felt this way.

Artemis did the research on Miner Mole Inc and Paul peer reviewed.

Paul guesses TFCC stood for “Torsen Fracking Compressor Corporation”

Artemis guesses TFCC stood for “Travel Funds Credit Card”

What Do We Learn About the Universe the Show Takes Place In?

Chimera World Wide, the massive parent company of Miner Mole, is a reference to Spies Are Forever.

Their slogan “Chimera: a little bit of everything” is a specific reference to a line of dialogue in Act 2 Part 5 of the musical.

In the past 60 years, Chimera has expanded from their original silicon business to be involved in many fields- including fossil fuels hence Miner Mole.

Chimera technology is likely in all personal electronics used.

Extra info on Silas:

He has won twitter fights with TMZ over “fake news tricks”

Silas is the son of an oil tycoon and grew up in the rich suburbs of Nashville.

Silas’s previous business: pilates franchise (Torsen’s Torso) and bolo necktie subscription service (Stylas)

He spent over $300,000 in Q1 on personal expenses as President of Finance, including:

$85K for “Western Footwear”

$150,000 for Lil Nas X to perform at his birthday party. (which would mean 1) He got demoted VERY RECENTLY 2)He was absolutely in on the ground floor of Lil Nas X’s rise in fame. Like… before demos of “Old Town Road” were even recorded.

[thedorkmagiciangirl]

The Mysterious Cases in Domino City

Summary:Multiple deaths.  Supernatural insanity.  And not enough proof to show how it all happened. 

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we dive into the series of inexplicable events that took place ten years ago in Domino City.

Two men sat at their desk, papers stacked in front of them.  Ryan sat on the right, trying to hold back a grin, and Shane was leaning back in his seat.

"This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we're diving into a series of inexplicable events that took place over about a year in Domino City, about ten years ago."  Ryan says, and Shane glances at him.

"And all of these," Ryan said, clearly enjoying himself as Shane began to frown, "are connected back to one Yugi Mutou."

"Wait, Yugi Mutou?"  Shane paused.  "That's the Duel King. isn't it?"

"Yup.  I'm surprised you know about Duel Monsters."

Shane sighed.  "Before we get started, I don't believe any of those rumors that it was designed by aliens or that the cards are possessed by spirits or anything like that.  Now go on."

"For those of you that don't know-"

"I.E. those of you living under a rock."

"Thank you, Shane.  Duel Monsters is a collectible card game that has taken the world by storm, and the best duelists have risen in fame to be celebrities, such as Mutou Yugi, Kaiba Seto, Jonouchi Katsuya, and Kujaku Mai."

"Wait.  How come they're all Japanese?  I thought this game started in the United States."

"It's taken off in Japan.  But there is another reason why all of the most famous duelists are Japanese.  Two of the most high-profile tournaments were held in or near Japan."

"So Domino City.  Hometown of Kaiba, Mutou, and Jonouchi.  Also home to one Domino High School, which is arguably the worst high school in the world."

Okay but like

Aren't all high schools the worst

This high school...look

It was something

"High schools aren't created equal in awfulness," Ryan said, "and Domino High School had it all.  Even though Rintama, a nearby school, was known to be the one for gangsters, Domino High School had more bullies than a football team, ludicrous levels of violence that everyone just...got away with, including murder, and cartoonishly evil teachers.  I cannot overstate that last bit."

"I feel like I'm going to regret asking this," Shane looked at the camera, "but how bad was it?"

"We're gonna talk about the murdered student later," Ryan said, "but one of the teachers was named Ms. Chono.  She expelled fifteen students in six months.  Among the student body, she was called the Wicked Witch of Expel."

Are you kidding me?  The Wicked Witch of Expel?

Who came up with that?

Wheeze

No really like

Did she just really hate her students

If so, why become a goddamned teacher if you hate kids?

Why?

In what world does that make sense?

And who let her get away with that?  Doesn't someone have to check over expulsions?

Shouldn't somebody be like why the hell are you expelling so many students?

So basically

All the others teachers sucked too, she just sucked the most

And apparently the principal had a crush on her

And also she would go on dates just to reject men apparently

What?  Are you kidding me?

She's like a caricature of an evil teacher from a kid's show!

I did say cartoonishly evil teachers

"But it doesn't end there.  Time to get to the juicy bits."

"Again, all of the weird shit about to go down centers on Yugi Mutou.  One kid with dyed and spiked hair-"

"His hair could be an Unsolved episode on its own.  Yugi insists it's natural in every interview where he has been asked but I refuse to believe that."  Shane said.  A picture flashes across the screen.  "His hair is three colors!  Three!  Colors!"

"That's only the start of the weirdness," Ryan said seriously.  "He was also short, geeky, and into games and puzzles."

Or in other words

He had a target painted on his back for all bullies

A kick me sign.

One student described it as

If there was a bully within a short distance of Yugi

They would find him, specifically

And they would bully him

This apparently happened outside of school too

Of course it did

"Now according to what testimonies we have from Domino High students-I've asked Yugi Mutou's close friends and even the man himself about this, by the way."  Ryan said.  "All of them refused to answer questions about this in particular."

"And you think that's because they're hiding something rather than because they don't want to be on a show that will accuse them of murder or being aliens."

"It's suspicious!"  Ryan insisted.

"Sure it is."

Ryan frowned at his co-host.  "Moving on," Ryan said, "two of the first of his many, many bullies were Hiroto Honda and Jonouchi Katsuya."

"Wait, what?"  Shane frowned.  "Duelist Jonouchi Katsuya?  That Jonouchi?"

"Both of these two ended up becoming his best friends."

WAIT

So these guys like beat him up

Bully him

And then yugi is like haha

It's fine we're friends now.

According to domino high students

That is exactly what happened

"Most Domino High students were mystified at what they described as a sudden change in Jonouchi's behavior, though Honda was apparently more reluctant to befriend Yugi.  But this sudden change occurred at the same time as the first of our inexplicable events."

"And you think they're connected."

"I know they're connected."  Ryan cleared his throat.  "At Domino High, Tetsu Ushio was the hall monitor, known for his physical strength that intimidated pretty much everyone, including the teachers."

"I'd be more scared of his eyebrows."  Shane said.  "Those things are ginormous."  A picture of the man flashed across the screen and confirmed that his eyebrows were indeed giant.

"Ushio would find the kids that were bullied often and offer to help them out with their bullies."

"That sounds noble, but the way you say that…"

"He would then force the victims to pay for his services and then brutally beat them if they didn't pay up."

"I knew it.  And since this story is going oh so predictably...he tried it on Yugi, with the bullies being Jonouchi and Honda."

"Stop stealing my lines!  But yes.  What we know after this is...a lot more sketchy.  We know that Yugi ended up standing up for Jonouchi and Honda, cementing the beginnings of what would be a lifelong friendship.  We know that Yugi was beaten up for not paying.  But...and here's where the weirdness shows up."

"Finally.  Hit me."

"The next day after this at school, Ushio was found playing with garbage and dead tree leaves and calling them money."

Wait WHAT

Predictable NOW, shane?

Okay fine that was a turn I didn't expect

So he was hallucinating garbage to be money?

Wait if this was at school so did everyone just see him

Hoarding garbage or something

Like how would you even respond to that?

What do you mean?

So there's this terrifying bully and he's holding garbage

And he tells you it's money

And you're just like, yup!  It sure is money!

Please don't hurt me

wheeze

It probably happened that way

"Before we get to the theories, we have to go over some other incidents."

Shane leveled a stare at Ryan.  "Wasn't this just a psychotic break?"  Ryan shook his head.

"The incident with Ushio was only the beginning of the mysterious incidents that began to plague Domino High School.  After this, bullies at Domino High started going mad.  All of them in ways that seemed karmically designed to punish them."

"For instance, a TV director who filmed at Domino High and filmed Yugi getting bullied-the footage has his face censored out but not the hair so it's plainly obvious who it is-was blinded and sees nothing but digital mosaics, the same used in the film to censor Yugi's face."

"That could still be a coincidence."

Ryan pulls out a clipboard.  "Sozoji, bullied people into going to his music recitals that were described as being so painful and loud that one student was sick for three days afterwards.  Sozoji now hears his own heartbeat in his ears so loud he's practically deaf.  Then.."  Ryan's eyes fall on the next name on the list.

"Then, since we're going in chronological order-"

"We are?"

"Next comes the murdered kid."

"Oh.  Wait.  Are we accusing Yugi of murder?"

Ryan paused..  "Maybe?"

"Brilliant.  I look forward to getting sued."

"So the story of the murder begins with Domino High's school festival.  Yugi's class had pulled a popular spot out of the lottery, and then seniors, led by one Goro Inogashira, came, beat them up, and took the spot."

"And they didn't get punished for that?"

"See earlier note about getting away with murder."

"God, this high school really is the worst."

"The seniors who took over were making okonomiyaki, which is like a savory pancake.  It's been called Japanese pizza."  Ryan said, gesturing with his arms in a circle.

"And this is relevant how?"

"The seniors put the grill they were using for the okonomiyaki in the festival spot.  Traces of explosives and the senior classroom's leader's remains were later found on the grill."

"What the fuck."

"He was blown up with his own grill."

"I repeat.  What the fuck."

"The school festival continued."

Shane stared at Ryan.  Ryan was looking down at his notes.  Slowly Shane put his head down on the table.  "Tell me there's not more.  There is.  Isn't there."

"Altogether, there's about 13 incidents that we know of, two of them taking place during Duelist Kingdom.  Not at all of them are as firmly connected to Yugi as these though."

"Like what?"

"Well, Ms. Chono got hit with this and ran out of a classroom screaming.  A producer started insulting the audience on air while Jonouchi was competing on a competition show, resulting in the producers going bankrupt and being unable to pay the prize."

Wait so Jonouchi won

And then they went bankrupt

So he never got the prize

I feel bad for that guy

If it was Yugi who did it

I can just picture him

Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly

Ooops, Jonouchi!

I didn't mean to cheat you out of-let me check

One million yen

wheeze

What's that in dollars?

About 95000 dollars

Shit

That's a pretty good payday

I would not have forgiven yugi for that

That's fair

"And a shop owner was poisoned with his pet scorpion."

"Wait, what's the connection for that last scene?"  Shane muttered into the table.

"The shop owner found some of his shoes missing afterwards, and while we don't have any direct links proving Yugi was at this scene, buuuut we do have the testimony of a Domino High School student, who stated the following…"

"Jonouchi bragged about those stupid Air Muscle shoes for days afterwards."

"Guess what shoes were missing?"

"Air Muscles."

"Got it."

"That is a really weak connection."

"It's possible!"  Ryan protested.  "But think about it Shane.  13 incidents in which people were...punished, for lack of a better word, in a karmic fashion that all relate back to one Yugi Mutou."

Shane opened his mouth.  Then closed it.  "And you have theories?"

"Oh yeah I have theories.  And none of them involve aliens for once."

"Theory One.  Yugi is our metaphorical Carrie."

"As in the Stephen King novel?"

"Think about it!  Outcast, bullied, then their enemies are killed or maimed or driven insane or what have you through inexplicable means."  Ryan crossed his arms.  "You can't tell me there aren't parallels there."

"Yes, but then Yugi would have to have psychic powers."  Shane said dryly.  "And psychic powers don't exist."

"Really?  Then what's your explanation?  They can't all have coincidental mental breakdowns.  Remember, Goro Inogashira was murdered.  With the traces of explosives on the scene, there's no way it was an accident."

"Yes, but you're forgetting one thing."  Shane said.  "Carrie did all of that on purpose because she was vindictive and spiteful.  Whereas Yugi is apparently Mr. My Best Friends Were My Bullies."

Ryan raised a finger before lowering it.  "He could have lost control of his powers."

"But if he'd lost control there'd be less signs of intent.  All of the punishments were designed-the extortionist hallucinated money, the TV producer mosaics, and the horrible singer was driven deaf by sound."  Shane says.  "That shows intent and purpose.  Not what you'd expect if somebody lost control.  And that still wouldn't explain Inogashira.  Explosives means he didn't blow a guy up with his mind."

Ryan nodded.  "The explosives were taken from a chemistry lab."

Shane stared at Ryan.  "They had explosives lying around?  God.  The question is why haven't more students been murdered."

"Anyways," Ryan said, "that's the first theory.  Theory Two ties in with my first and it is:Yugi had a second personality."

Shane stood up and started walking away.

"Wait!"  Ryan cried.  "I have evidence for this, I swear."  Shane walked back, a long-suffering look on his face.

"This better be good."

"So, Yugi Mutou is most famous for participating in the Duelist Kingdom and Battle City tournaments, which," Ryan added, "could both get an episode of their own.  Half of the finalists in Battle City were hospitalized.  In Duelist Kingdom...between Yugi's incidents, other murders on the island-"

Wait wait wait

Other murders???

Okay so

A total of about ten people were murdered at Duelist Kingdom by my count

…

TEN?!?!

Why haven't I heard about this before?

It was covered up by Industrial Illusions

Only one death was reported to the public

Maximilion Pegasus

His eye was ripped out

That sounds disgusting

If it helps it was his prosthetic eye

It actually does

So it's okay to rip someone's eye out as long as it's a fake eye?

Shut up

"Duelist Kingdom had ten casualties.  One of which was Maximilion Pegasus, who died after his match with Yugi Mutou.  Another was "Bandit" Keith Howard, who was found shot through the head.  It is possible that this was a suicide, since Keith was known to show symptoms of depression, but this cannot be confirmed.  No bullet was found at the scene of the crime, and so no guns can be reliably linked to the crime through rifling marks.  The other eight were found after the tournament had ended and information of their deaths were only released to the public four years after the tournament. Those duelists had been hanged on the island, and afterwards all attempts at investigation were stifled by Industrial Illusions."

"Also during Duelist Kingdom, there were two incidents with the previous M.O.  The first was a man who thought he was being controlled by a puppet.  The second was a man who hallucinated being hanged himself, suggesting that this was a karmic punishment for the murders he had committed.  He also later confessed to those crimes while he had been hospitalized for injuring himself."

So there were at least three murderers on this island

The guy hanging people

The guy driving people insane

And the guy ripping out people's eyes

And a maybe-suicide maybe-murder

This is just crazy.

We haven't even gotten to Seto Kaiba and his connection to Yugi

Or Battle City

Or

Look

A lot went down at Duel monsters tournaments

Why do people go there then?

Like stop going to duel monsters tournaments

Apparently if you make it to the finals you have a one-in-two chance of being hospitalized

Fame

Fortune

And you could just get off on it

Is that your theory Ryan?

People are like

Oh I could get murdered

Finally a game with high enough stakes to turn me on

Wheeze

It's possible

"Okay, but I was promised evidence of a split personality.  You haven't delivered."

"I'm getting there," Ryan said.  

"And how come more people haven't talked about this story?"  Shane asked.  "Three murderers at a single tournament?  Come on!"  Shane started muttering.

"Cover up."  Ryan deadpanned.  "What else could it be?"

Shane groaned.

"Also, this tournament...was fishy.  For one thing, half of the finalists hadn't even been invited to the tournament."

Shane's groans grew more pained-sounding.  "Of course they weren't," he muttered.

"Yugi invited Jonouchi along, and he placed second, with Yugi himself being first.  But I've spoken to some of the duelists at the tournament, who saw Yugi duel firsthand.  All of them state that Yugi was a completely different person when he dueled.  Take, for instance, Insector Haga's testimony, who reported that Yugi told him to 'Get off the island, insect, or I'll pull off your legs one by one!'  Which is to say the least, uncharacteristic of him."

Shane banged his head into the table.  "God help me, your theories are making sense to me.  Maybe I've been driven mad too."

"So yeah.  If Yugi had a split personality, he was apparently crueler than the original Yugi, and it's this personality that developed the powers and hurt those people."

Shane raised his head before slumping back onto the table.

"But that's not the last theory I have."  Ryan smiled.

"This is the most insane of them all, isn't it."

"Theory Three.  Yugi was possessed by a ghost."

"Of course we're going back to possession now."

Two images appeared on the screen.  One was of Yugi.  The second was of Yugi dueling.  "Yugi has red eyes when he duels."

It could be contact lenses

Red eyes

Come on

That's possession if I've ever seen it

Or it could be red contact lenses to go with his already weird taste

Like look at what he's wearing

He's wearing a fucking collar

He would absolutely wear red contact lenses

Okay probably

But this theory has more evidence going for it

Sure it does.  Even though ghosts don't exist.

You're in de-nile

Did you just-

Another image popped up onto the screen.  "This was an exhibit at the Domino City Museum on ancient Egypt, featuring exhibits about the reign of the Nameless Pharaoh.  Called that because we have no idea what his name is.  Notice anything-or should I say anyone-familiar?"

"That's Yugi Mutou's hair."  Shane said.  "I'd recognize those spikes anywhere.  And...that one facing him.  That's Seto Kaiba."

"And above them are the Dark Magician and the Blue-Eyes White Dragon."

"Wait, what?  I don't see a dragon.  Do you mean that clawed thing?"

"It's not very detailed, okay?  Go with it for now.  Those two are their favorite cards in Duel Monsters, the ones they are famous for using...and this is a 3000 year old tablet."

"Are we sure it's three thousand years old?"  Shane said.  "It could be a forgery.  I don't think carbon dating can be used on stone."

"It's been verified by several experts on ancient Egypt.  The one on the right was a pharaoh, and the other his high priest."

"And this relates to Yugi and Kaiba how?"

"Yugi is possessed by the ghost of the pharaoh, who delivers karmic justice because of the eye for an eye thing, and has magic powers because he's a ghost."  Ryan nodded, as if that made perfect sense.

It did not.

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

"Look at the carving of the pharaoh again.  At his chest."

"The weird triangle thing?"

"Now look at the photo of Yugi Mutou.  That pyramid around his neck.  He only started wearing it at around the same time that the weird incidents started.  And according to Yugi and some other experts I spoke to it's a genuine Egyptian artifact."

Wait wait what.  

This guy wears gold around his neck? 

Isn't that super heavy?  

and stupid to carry around a priceless artifact like that?"

If it's cursed, I guess it'd be able to protect itself from thieves.

Except curses aren't real!

Then what's your explanation?

…

You don't have one, do you?

No

But that doesn't mean any of your crazy theories are right

Shane sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.  "Okay.  So.  All of what you said was completely batshit insane."

"But…"  Ryan prompted.

"But I can't say you're wrong."  Shane looked physically pained at having to say those words.  "I mean, the number of incidents means it can't be explained away as coincidence, there's no mundane explanation I can think of…"  Shane now looked like he was choking on a lemon.  "You might have a point."

"Yes!  And that has been recorded!  You can't deny you said it now, Shane."

"I said might, Ryan."

"Well, given that our best theory relies on psychic powers and Yugi and the others that would know aren't talking, we still have a lot of questions."

"Were these people driven mad by Yugi or someone else, purposefully or not?  Was Yugi haunted or did he want revenge for himself?  Who chose up the deaths of people in Duel Monster tournaments, and for what purpose?  Was it only to preserve a company's reputation, or was something more sinister at work?  And most importantly of all, is Yugi's hair dyed or not?  But despite all of our investigations, the people with answers have chosen to remain silent...and so this case remains unsolved."

[noethicalconsumptionunderdisney]

Ranked: Hannah Montana — Mamaw vs. Dolly

So this seemed like a fun one for me to do!  These are two of the most iconic recurring guest stars, so naturally I had to pit them against each other (or, well, pit their episodes against each other).  This competition isn’t particularly serious, but it is a nice excuse for me to talk about some of my favorite episodes on the show.  Like before, I’m going in reverse-order of how much I liked them, or Worst->Best, so I can save the best for last.  

“B-B-B-Bad to the Chrome” (Season Three)

It’s a testament to how awesome Vicki Lawrence is that even in the “worst” episode she’s in, she still brings it and is in many ways the strongest part of it.  This one loses out mainly on writing, and me fucking hating the subplot.  I’m sorry.  “You forgot some really arbitrary timestamp I decided to put on our relationship without telling you, which means you don’t love me” will just never be anything but annoying to me ever, no matter how much I like the couple involved.  Honestly, it was shit like that that made me glad I didn’t do a lot of dating in high school.

The main plot is kind of weak too tbh, but I’m still in some ways fond of it, because it’s very clear that it’s all coming from a place of love.  They replace her car because they love her, and they try to recreate the old crappy car because they love her, and she pretends not to notice because she loves them right back.  The best scenes are the one-on-one interactions between Miley and Mamaw, where you can see how much they understand each other.  It was because of those that I almost bumped this up one… but they weren’t quite enough to sell me on this episode.  Sorry again.

“You Give Lunch A Bad Name” (Season Three)

This one, again, not a very strong episode, but there are a few reasons I liked this one just a little bit more.  Part of it is I’m a sucker for Miley/Jackson centrics, and they strike such a perfect balance of brother-sister solidarity and sibling rivalry in this: the song in the beginning, the schemes, the mimic fights, them immediately pointing at each other when Mamaw asks them who the “guiltiest grandchild” is.  Another part is that weirdly, Lilly and Oliver seem to have more of their natural chemistry in this episode than they do in the one where they’re actually dating.  Case in point, their little quiet communication to leave in the middle of the siblings’ bickering without having to say a word to each other.

What’s interesting about this one is, Mamaw isn’t necessarily wrong that the kids are gonna take advantage of their dad being gone.  That’s exactly what they’re planning to do.  But then she takes it too far and holds on too hard, treating them like they’re 10 rather than 16 and 18 respectively.  There’s a classic conflict here of teenagers thinking they’re more mature than they really are, versus their family knowing they’re still kids but treating them like outright children instead of meeting them where they are. And I think it’s harder for her to accept they’re growing up than it is for Robby Ray because she isn’t around very much to see it happening.  While she recognizes in the end that they had good reason to be embarrassed, that theme of holding on to how things were because she’s afraid of losing them seems to be a consistent one with her in later seasons.

“I Am Mamaw, Hear Me Roar!” (Season Four)

First off, I just want to say that I think having a Dolly episode and a Mamaw episode after “I’ll Always Remember You,” and right after each other, was a really smart choice, especially the way they did it.  Dolly can help her embrace what it’s like to be all-celebrity, all the time, and Mamaw reminds her not to forget her family, and how hard that kind of life can actually be. Not just for Miley, but for the people around her.  They just tie really well into that whole, “She’s always had the best of both worlds, but now she’s gotta learn what living without her secret feels like” theme that late stage Season 4 has going for it.

One thing that always strikes me about this episode is how it puts so much of her actions in context, not just in this episode, but retroactively.  Of course Robby Ray forgot to visit her when he was younger and his own music career was in full swing.  Of course she would panic when the same seems to be happening to Miley, when they can’t take one picture or have one tea without Miley getting hounded by her fans, because she doesn’t have Hannah Montana to hide behind anymore. (Of course, I’m not so sure the timeline adds up there, but I’m gonna let that go because of the point it was trying to make.)  Being smacked in the face with Miley’s fame is really a wakeup call for all of them, but that makes Miley’s efforts to make sure Mamaw understands how much she cares all the more sweet.

“Good Golly, Miss Dolly” (Season One)

I’d initially put “Kiss It Goodbye” here, but I switched them when I realized I was underrating it— that episode was better than I remembered.  But I like this one, too!

This is Dolly’s first appearance and introduction, and she comes in with a bang.  The frou-frou, the flowers, and of course, the infamous camera that kickstarts the conflict of the episode.  Well, sort of— the real conflict is Miley’s confused feelings for Jake Ryan, torn between “falling all over him,” playing hard to get, and not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her vulnerable.  The way it ends up intersecting with Oliver’s subplot of trying to compile a goodbye video for the principal is brilliant, and that sneaking scene?  Just amazing.

Of course, this puts her right back where she started, and she ends up regretting it when it’s seemingly too late for her and Jake, but her ripping up the flowers is funny, and then Dolly gets to show off her singing chops a little when she and Robby Ray cheer her up in a really sweet scene.  Beyond that, the subplot is… fine.  It’s pretty forgettable, but I liked it okay.  It’s not frustrating like some of the subplots in previous episodes on this list, but not quite as awesome as…

#3: “Kiss It Goodbye” (Season Four)

And with that, we’ve cracked the top three!  This one surprised me upon rewatch.  I knew I liked it, I just didn’t know how much I liked it until I saw it again. I think part of it might be me attributing some of my own feelings about Cancel Culture as a whole and how that’s affected us for the worse overall, celebrity or not, as well as some meta-significance to Miley’s career, both at the time and afterwards.  But let me get into the episode itself rather than getting on those tangents.

Miley starts off being a little careless with her image… but this is understandable, as she’s used to having her privacy, and living without it’s gonna take some getting used to.  Dolly has this legendary entrance in a personalized helicopter, complete with a pink ladder.  She uses her own know-how about fame to help Miley navigate the paparazzi, reassures her after a brutal interview with Colin Lassiter, and then encourages both her and Robby Ray to sing with her at her performance.  While both of them object at first, Robby Ray eventually gets up the courage to go… which is the push Miley needs to get past her fears and get back on the horse herself.

Beyond the main plotline and overall message that I love, it’s really quotable, and has one of the best subplots this show has ever had.  Rico goes practically catatonic because the Stewarts, a family of “idiots” he looks down upon, fooled him, an evil genius with an ego that can’t handle that.  I also like that we see Lilly’s compassionate side coming back in this episode in both plotlines, it’s the one thing I felt season 4’s Lilly was lacking overall, and it was fun to see her point her sharp tongue towards herself for once this season.  And of course, Jackson enjoying Rico’s suffering, but ultimately being the one to help him out of it was perfect, and bringing back the choir from earlier that season was even better.

#2: “I Will Always Loathe You” (Season Two)

Before anyone gets mad that this wasn’t my #1 pick, let me just say for the record that this episode is AWESOME.  Mamaw and Dolly’s rivalry is so explosive and they play off each other so beautifully, and the culmination of that into the “Granny Smackdown” is so well-done.  And look, yeah, I know that there were stunt doubles and probably a mannequin or two involved, but I don’t care, it’s a fantastic scene.  I love Robby Ray trying to make peace and ending up getting dragged into it, I love Hannah Montana awkwardly trying to salvage the situation, and ultimately breaking them up, and I love Jackson and Lilly scarfing down popcorn and watching the whole thing unfold from home.

If I had to pick which one of these episodes was the funniest, it would be this one, no contest.  The subplot here is great too; simple yes, but I think the simplicity works in contrast to just how much is going on in the main plot, and Oliver’s shame at his own involvement in the end?  Wonderful.  The contrast between the two women picking clothes for Miley’s award show, and the decision to genuinely make up after seeing how much it hurt Miley were executed beautifully too.  We don’t get the sense that they’re going to be BFFs, but I do like that the ending scene shows promise, that they’re at least capable of getting along, when they want to.   As Miley says, “You’re trying.  That is all I’ve ever wanted.”

So yeah, this episode?  Amazing.  But… not quite my favorite.

#1: “Grandmas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Play Favorites” (Season One)

Remember when I said I’m a sucker for Miley/Jackson centrics?  Yeah.  This episode was probably where all of that began for me.  (Also the beginning of my feelings about Jackson going from “oh he’s pretty funny” to “LET ME LOVE YOU,” but I’ll try to keep my stanning to a minimum here.)

We start off with what appears to be a fairly straightforward story.  Hannah Montana is meeting the queen.  Jackson has a volleyball game.  Mamaw’s coming to visit, and she’s critical of Robby Ray, particularly his eating habits, she’s tepidly nice to Miley, but treats her as an afterthought, and she heaps praise and adoration and attention onto Jackson by the bucketload.  On the surface, it seems that this is about Mamaw unfairly favoring Jackson over Miley.  Right up until this happens:

“She’s gonna insult the queen and ruin my command performance all because of her ‘little Jackson.’  It’s always about you!”

“Me?!  Well, it’s never about me!  Everything in this family revolves around you!”

One comeback, and the tables are turned.  Yes, Mamaw hasn’t treated Hannah Montana getting to sing for the Queen of England with the respect and admiration it deserves.  But Robby Ray and Miley haven’t been treating Jackson with the respect and admiration he deserves.  When Miley snarks that Mamaw would rather go to Jackson’s volleyball game than her performance, she responds with, “Well, if I don’t, who will?  I don’t see either one of you heading for the door.”  She doesn’t ignore Miley because she loves her any less.  In an ironic turn of events, the reason she ignores Miley isn’t about her at all.

I do like, though, that the episode doesn’t treat this as “two wrongs make a right.”  Mamaw still apologizes for making Miley feel “invisible,” like her accomplishments don’t matter, like she doesn’t care.  Jackson feeling invisible because his dad and his sister and the whole rest of the world treat him that way, doesn’t excuse Mamaw treating Miley that way.  And the fact that all of it’s unintentional, and that the neglect is coming from someone who does, genuinely, love that person, doesn’t erase the harm it causes. This is a lesson for both of them, and Miley comes away with a greater understanding of what her brother goes through.

There is still a part of me that wishes this had gotten elaborated on more in the show?  Not that Jackson doesn’t bring up the favoritism issue multiple times afterward, but it’s not treated seriously very often after this, considering how often it comes up.  It saddens me to think that, for all the efforts they make in this episode to make sure they’re there for Jackson in the end, Miley and Robby Ray still end up falling into the same patterns with Jackson as the show goes on, and worse.   I can’t help but think this pattern of neglect and Jackson’s deterioration into “the family failure” are related, and while I don’t need every single episode to treat it as A Big Deal, the truth is, it is a big deal, and I wish the show had been more consistent in actually taking it seriously.

So that’s my list!  In the end, I think we can all agree Mamaw and Dolly are both pretty iconic characters, and made the show all the richer for being on it.  I’ve loved getting a chance to look at their episodes again, and make sure to stay tuned for my next Ranked post for this series, where I may be talking about another iconic recurring character on this show….  (Hint: one of these episodes is on that list, too.)  Until next time!

[wannabesewcrafty]

Bar None

Summary: Part 3 of this crossover! Lisa and Sydney meet for drinks and talk. 

Content warnings: Alcohol consumption by adults.

Notes: Spoilers for Seasons 2-3 of “Kingdom” and Episode 4.18 for “NCIS: New Orleans.”

Lisa thought it would be fair to say she was intrigued by Sydney. Clearly, Jay liked this woman, but it wasn’t like his time with Amy or Ava or Lauren. For one thing, they hadn’t slept together yet.

Maybe, she thought, now that he has Maya out there, he’s thinking with his brain. And, of course, there was everything with Nate…

“Hi.” Sydney’s voice broke into her thoughts.

Lisa looked up and smiled as the other woman took a seat at the counter next to her. Prince had suggested they meet at a small bar and eatery with an open floor plan. The space was intimate but airy and bright, and miles away from the row of dive bars where Sydney and Jay worked.

“You have good taste,” Halliday praised. “I think I might like to work here.”

“What are you doing in Venice? I mean, for work.”

“I tend bar. I bring in business and get good tips.”

Lisa could see why. Sydney was wearing a sleeveless top that showed her bare, well-toned arms, and she was taller than average with long legs and a slender waist.

“You said you were new here. Where were you before? What brought you here?”

Sydney signaled their bartender. “Let’s play a game. I like to call it ‘Truth for Truth.’ For every question I answer, you answer one of mine. If neither of us wants to answer a question, we take a drink. Deal?”

“I think I’m familiar with this game,” Lisa said with a nod. “Deal.”

***

Sydney answered more questions than Lisa had been expecting. She shared that she had come from New Orleans, “looking for a change, but wanting to be near the water, and Venice was more affordable than L.A.”

When Lisa asked how she stayed in shape, Sydney mentioned she had been in the military, and that she still did morning runs and strength exercises in her spare time. “Sit ups, push-ups, the usual stuff you might think of,” she said with a shrug. “What’s your secret?”

“Oh, diet and yoga, mostly,” said Lisa. “Which branch did you serve with?”

Here, Halliday took a drink of her beer. “So, what was the deal between Jay and that guy?”

“Oh, that was Ryan. Ryan Wheeler. Believe it or not, he and Jay are like brothers. Yeah, best friends. They just…didn’t see eye-to-eye that day.”

“Wheeler…I think I’ve heard that name before. Didn’t he and Jay fight together professionally?”

“Yeah. Two times, actually, for the title of ‘King Beast.’ Jay won the first time, then Ryan won it back, so it’s been a draw in a lot of people’s minds.”

“Yours too?”

Now, Lisa took a drink of her red wine, then asked “So, what’s going on with you and Jay? Are you guys friends, or…?”

“Why, did he say something different?”

“No, actually. That’s what surprises me.”

“Hmm. Well, you two seem close. The way he talks about you…”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve known Jay a long time. We were never together but…it’s complicated.” Lisa took another sip of her wine.

“Yeah, so is my life.” Sydney clinked her tall beer glass against Lisa’s squat wine glass, and took a sip.

“You didn’t really answer my question earlier,” Lisa pointed out.

“When I find out, I’ll let you know.”

“You better. Jay’s… been through a lot. It’s a good sign that he’s showing an interest in you. I don’t mean for sex, but just, at all.”

“He knows where I work. If he comes by, I’ll see him.”

“What if you decide to disappear again? New Orleans to Venice. Venice to…?”

Sydney studied the older woman, recalling Jay’s advice. Listen to Lisa. She’s the smartest woman I know.

“You saying I should stay?”

“I think you could tough it out. Hey, I left once, went up to San Francisco for awhile, but…I had to come back. Navy Street, Ryan, Jay and his family…they needed me.”

For some reason, the sad note in Lisa���s voice made Sydney think of Pride’s close-knit NCIS team. Like the naval investigators, Lisa had a sense of camaraderie with the people at Navy Street, something that Sydney herself had not felt since losing Daryll, her mentor, during a mission gone wrong. She missed it.

“Okay,” Halliday said. “I’ll stay.”

“Good.” Lisa smiled. “Ready for another question? An easy one.”

“Shoot.”

“This place isn’t known for its beer, but you haven’t tried anything else. You really like it?”

She shrugged. “Compared to the other stuff, beer keeps my head clearer.”

“Okay. That makes sense.” The president of King Beast Promotions raised her glass. “To smart women.”

Sydney toasted her, and they both drank.

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 1x16

Oh my God you guys it has been so long since I have been able to watch a show that is so well written that has clearly been planned out from the beginning where the viewers have been able to theorize and have it pay off and Jesus Christ it is GLORIOUS. If I ever write for a show I would want to work with these writers on a show like this.

Before anything else let me start off gloating that I started calling Nancy as Lucy and Ryan’s daughter back around episode 9 or 10 and I am so fucking vindicated right now, I have been riding an otherwise unattainable high nonstop for the past three days. @kat--writes is this how you feel when you accurately predict things??? Because it feels AMAZING.

For the rest of the episode first can I just say how horribly tragic Lucy Sable is? Kudos to the writers because it was a stunning plot twist that I never saw coming but for some reason it’s almost worse than a murder to me? If for no other reason than how it has affected and will continue to affect everyone around her. Ryan who is now going to be even more guilt ridden about not getting to the ice cream parlor on time, Karen and Josh trying to avenge a murder that never even happened, Tiffany Hudson who died for nothing, Nancy who will be forever wondering if her mother slipped and fell or if she really did kill herself right after Nancy was born because if anything will give you an abandonment complex it’s that.

And hearing Carson say what happened that night with Lucy (PHENOMENAL acting by the way, maybe best scene of the season so far) makes rewatching the earlier episodes, especially 7/8 where Nancy was accusing Carson of murdering Lucy so much more tragic. This girl who he and his wife clearly cared for and felt sympathy for, begging him with her last words to take care of her daughter, knowing he looked away for less than two seconds and probably spending weeks if not months if not years questioning if he’d just looked up a half a second sooner if maybe Lucy would still be alive. Seeing Lucy’s daughter, his daughter, accuse him of murdering Lucy had to be a gut punch and it gives his character so much more depth. I just hope this doesn't put too much of a strain on his relationship with Nancy because they have finally gotten to such a good place and as far as Carson is concerned Nancy is his daughter, and he wasn’t trying to lie to her about Lucy. All he was trying to do was respect Lucy’s dying wish and protect her from the Hudsons. I mean he was willing to go to prison for murder before admitting what happened on the bluffs that night, that should count for something.

Moving away from the Shakespearean levels of tragedy for a moment.

God I fucking KNEW Owen was shady I have known it since the beginning. Granted I do not have absolute confirmation yet BUT: him being in his car outside the Claw when he said he would be out of town, holding a piece of Lucy Sable’s skull? (As far as the skull goes though, loved that bit of Bess/George/Nick teamwork to casually hide it from the cops.) Creepy bastard, thy name is Owen. I have no idea how it will play out yet but I hope to God that it will. But also that is going to be a bit of a blow to Bess, finding out her cousin is whatever he is, and also Nancy who literally just had sex with him.

Speaking of.

Much as it pains me to admit, the writers are clearly taking several steps away from Nancy x Nick for the moment, probably to give Nick x George a fighting chance. Side question. Why is Nick sleeping on a couch when he has over four and a half million dollars? Like he could afford to build a house with that much money. But I digress. I think it will be good for George to have a love interest who is A her own age and B not married, especially someone who she already had a good friendship with. Maybe since Owen is a Confirmed Shady Motherfucker the writers will either keep Nancy single for awhile or pair her up with Ace because their chemistry is off the charts. And as long as we’re on the romance topic, Bess. BESS. My sweet queer daughter. Where are Lisbeth and Amaya? Last time we saw Lisbeth they admitted they were kind of falling in love and slept with each other, last (and first) time we saw Amaya I fell in love and she and Bess had more chemistry than a high school sophomore. GIVE ME MY ON SCREEN BESS ROMANCE DRAMA WRITERS. And am I the only one who finds it a little bit weird that Bess is apparently so good at other people’s relationships when she has never really had one before?

I’m going to take a quick minute to be sad about Nancy x Nick so if you don’t like that you can skip this paragraph. NED NICKERSON. How the FUCK can you be so totally fine with Nancy sleeping with Owen when you two are clearly soulmates and you never liked him anyway? After the inevitable Owen betrayal possibly one of two things will happen with Nancy. She will regress and start to push people (read: love interests) even further away than before, OR she will finally really start to open up to Nick and they will find their way back to each other. Admittedly the second one is unlikely since Nick and George literally just got together but you never know. Just as long as Nick doesn’t cheat on George with Nancy because those two are finally friends and are really good friends to boot, and also George deserves way better especially post Ryan Hudson affair debacle. Maybe she and Nancy can bond over having shady not good for them older boyfriends.

On the topic of Ryan being Nancy’s biological dad every time George complains about Nancy asking favors I want her response to be “you had sex with my dad” every time.

Now we will talk about the promo for the as of now untitled next episode and also what the rest of the season and possibly season 2 have planned.

In episode 17 Ryan will clearly be Going Through Some Stuff, and will also find out that Lucy was pregnant. Whether he realizes she had the baby or thinks it died with her remains to be determined, but that shot of Nancy with a busted lip and her hair cut off in a car being driven by Ryan makes me think maybe he snaps and kidnaps her? It’s a bit of a stretch but it would certainly be interesting. I think we’re also going to see more of the Aglaeca coming after Nancy for not paying the toll, because for a minute we can see Nancy sort of choking and putting her hand to her throat like she’s about to throw up again. Maybe it’s going to keep coming after Nancy until they finally let the Aglaeca have Owen, or maybe its going to try to kill Nancy as punishment for saving Owen. I don’t know but I can’t wait to find out.

For the rest of the season/next season there are a couple threads not related to Ryan finding out Nancy is his daughter. There’s the new detective but I’m not talking about him. Joshua Dude, Lucy’s brother. He is still out and about wherever he is, and does not know his sister killed herself. This will probably not exonerate Ryan in his mind as Ryan’s family is part of what drove Lucy to suicide. Maybe he will come back and decide to sort of take revenge on A the Hudsons or B the town of Horseshoe Bay as revenge for what they did to Lucy. (Sort of like the Black Hood from Riverdale but you know, well done.) There is also Everett Hudson. Last time I checked he had just been arrested for sinking the Bonny Scot and racketeering and insurance fraud and stuff, what the hell is he doing at a yacht club? I can only assume he got out on bail so maybe we will see Nancy (possibly together with Ryan) work to put him behind bars for good. Maybe Carson Drew will finally leverage some of that dirty laundry he has on the Hudsons, or better yet that Grecian urn thing Ryan has will finally be put to good use. And then in the future although there is zero proof of this I still want A for George to become clairvoyant/psychic like her mother and B for George and Bess to be cousins. I don’t think I’m asking for too much here.

Finally, because of how much of a staple character he is in the books I refuse to accept that Chief McGinnis is gone for good. My very being rebels against it. But before you scream at me about how different the show is from the books (those two or three of you who have read the books anyway) even if he were an original character I would want him to stay. He is a fantastic character, he was just starting to get depth, I adore his relationship with Ace and on top of everything else he’s good Native American representation.

I ALSO WANT VICTORIA TO COME BACK. I HAVE NOT SEEN HER SINCE 2019. WTF WRITERS. YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH A DYSFUNCTIONAL PSYCHIC ALCOHOLIC MOTHER LIKE THAT AND THEN ONLY PUT HER IN TWO EPISODES.

Dead Lucy should also continue to stick around, maybe she can teach Nancy how to hang from ceilings or they can bond over how much Everett Hudson Sucks. It’s just that Lucy spent all this time trying to show Nancy that she is her biological mother, and for her to move on after sticking around for 20 years right after Nancy learns the truth? It would be too - and I fully recognize I have used this word too many times but I am going to use it again - tragic.

The wait for April 8 is going to be an agony unlike any other but at least after it comes back there will only be six episodes left, and so it is very unlikely the show will go on another hiatus before the season is up. Let me know what you guys think will happen in season 2/the rest of season 1.

[alastairsqueen]

I just finished season 4 of 13 Reasons Why and I have a few things I need to get off my chest.

First of all, the lock down episode was beyond ridiculous. I could understand having a drill at a school for an active shooter situation, but to the extent this school went to? Absolutely not. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a school doing such a thing, and if they have, I can’t imagine parents taking it lightly. Look what happened to Clay. Those students were traumatized. And the bleeding dummies in an earlier episode? Wtf? 

Winston seemed kind of pointless. I get he wanted the truth to come out about Bryce because it would clear Monty’s name, but he barely knew Monty, the same guy who beat the living shit out of him at one point. Having sex with someone a couple of times doesn’t equal love. Honestly, I think that whole plot would have been better if Winston and Alex had stayed together, Alex started to trust Winston, and then Alex told him the truth. They already loved one another, basically, so it could have worked out. Learning the truth but also being in love with Alex, I feel like he would have let it go. Both outcomes are the same, but the story progression would have been a lot better. Hate to say it, but I also feel like Alex had a lot better chemistry with Winston in those first few episodes than he did with Charlie. Charlie was super sweet and nice, but I didn’t feel like he meshed well with Alex as much. It was cute how they won prom king and queen, but Charlie had to try way too hard. I guess he figured he had to prove Alex was worth it, but Winston never had to try that hard. That’s why I feel like the chemistry was better and it didn’t feel forced on us.

Also a small shout out to the Zalex kiss. I want to point out that it was obvious for awhile Alex was really gay. Hannah and Jessica joked about it back in season 1, which okay, was just a joke, but in season 2, he said a lot of really inappropriate things to Zach that I don’t feel like most guys would tell their friends, like about how he finally had an erection, and all these other things. We were all shipping Alex and Zach for awhile now because of their close connection, so the kiss did seem like they were baiting us with absolutely no follow through. However, I guess I can’t be terribly upset about it. Zach was weirded out when Alex said inappropriate things in the past, but he let it slide because they were friends. As much as I would have preferred these two to be endgame, I’m still alright with them being really good friends who love one another. And I’m glad that Alex got a happy ending with someone, at least.

Totally glad Ani and Clay did not end up together in the end. From what I saw of comments after last season, most people disliked Ani immensely. Her screen time was even limited this season so I feel like that was kind of their way of pushing her more to the back burner. However, I do appreciate the conversation she had with Clay at prom, how both of them said they don’t know what love is, and that they don’t know how to be in relationships. I think that is probably one of the most accurate, grown up depictions in this entire show. 

I sadly think this is one of those seasons that actually would have benefited from the 13 episode length season. With all the stuff we had going on with Clay, especially, and then everything else, I think things needed to be drawn out a little bit more. I still think Clay’s mental illness could have been handled a lot better. I’m glad he finally got therapy, but if someone was at risk of hurting themselves, they hold that person for at least 24-48 hours. When he escaped, he would have been brought right back. And even then, when his therapist said he wasn’t at risk for hurting himself anymore, I didn’t buy it for a second. And some of the things Clay did and didn’t remember seemed kind of strange, imo. I could see the spraypaint as he helped cover up the Monty thing, or even the email, but some of it like the video cameras and torturing his own friends in the woods? I know sometimes things don’t make sense when mental illness is concerned, but it just seemed very poorly written, like they wanted us to think everything was being done by someone else, even though most of it was Clay. Also hated the throw away line in the last eppie when he says that he doesn’t actually see people, that he just imagines conversations he would have with them in his head. What a total cop out. On more than one occasion people caught him talking out loud like someone was there, and they made that such a huge focus after Hannah died. Ugh. It kind of felt like a slap in the face to fans who commented on it.

A longer season would have also given us some really sweet moments and interactions between more of the characters. One of the biggest problems with this show is the personal moments. I felt like this season they were stretched thin, and it just felt like drama, drama, drama and doom and gloom the whole time. Every time these kids have even the happiest of moments, it’s ruined by something. 

We get a really sweet prom episode and then it’s just ruined by the ending. The final episode also should have been two separate ones. Having a major death, a graduation, and burying the tapes seemed like a bit much to put in one episode. I get they want to drive home the point that high school is hell, but really?

And as far as Justin goes, the whole back and forth with him getting better, then relapsing makes sense as he’s an addict and it will always be a struggle, but then he gets AIDS and dies? Also, they said he likely contracted it when he was homeless and sold himself, but typically it can take HIV 8 to 10 years before it turns into AIDS, so unless I’m missing something, it progressed really quick? In the show he was homeless at the end of the first season when he ran off and then into the start of season 2, so that’s only a couple of years at the most. Did they mean from another time he was homeless? Like it just didn’t add up. I know everyone is different, and he continued to use drugs, but they could have just had him overdose. I think they wanted to go for more tragic though, really make the audience feel it with all the sad goodbyes. To me it felt more like one of those things they toss in to try and bring ‘awareness’ to a topic, but failed miserably.

Also, the part that got me thinking was how Clay had pot in his system. He lost track of time frequently, but like......Charlie had those cookies on the camping trip, and no one really seemed high, but what if Clay ate one because we later see Charlie with the pot cookies at the party with Alex. Otherwise, they never really explained how he had pot in his system. We just saw him smoke it at the party later on.

The last thing I want to comment on is a couple of moments in the show that really made me go wtf. The first time was with Clay and the passed out girl at the frat house. He goes into the room and the excuse he gives to Bryce in his head is just.........wtf? And he later tells his therapist he was thinking about sex and he was hard. We know that he went in there because he thought the guy was going to rape her and then he saw Bryce, but like.........when he made that comment to his therapist I was just like nope. Later it happens again with Zach and the female escort he brought to prom in the bathroom. These are two characters who have been known to stick up for women, so it’s just like really? I feel like I kind of get what they were trying to go for with the show, like this concept that if you’re fucked up and not in your right frame of mind, on drugs, etc, people are capable of anything, even something terrible, but it just doesn’t work. It was beyond creepy, and I hated it. 

I will say I’m glad they actually did a Prom and Graduation episode though. One of the things that annoyed me most about Teen Wolf was we never got any glimpses of them being happy either. It was always plot and drama, never them being teens, so yeah. I’m glad they buried Hannah’s tapes, but like, I really didn’t care about Courtney or Ryan coming back to help bury them as they hadn’t even been apart of most of what happened in later seasons since they apparently graduated. I noticed Sheri wasn’t there either. 

I’m sure I could add more, but this is already really long. Basically I have a lot of mixed feelings about the final season.

[swiftythewriter]

so, i’m supposed to be studying and def not be on social media rn but i am legit tearing up about Martha Jones and what she means to me as a character that i’m just going to try and to write this out so i can hopefully focus

to get one thing straight, Martha Jones is not my favorite character. i started watching DW when I was about twelve and tbh, for years after that i never really connected with her. it’s not too surprising since in terms of background, personality, and life experience (because, come on, i’m a lily white, only child shut in from the deep south) we had next to nothing in common. 

but.

out of all the characters that have been on the show, Martha Jones is solidly the one I want to live up to the most. 

maybe the reasons why are obvious, but they didn’t really crystallize to me till just now. the main one, for me, is that through out her arc her happiness did not depend on another person. even within her arc where she faced the consequences of her unrequited feelings, she still had this noticeable trait before she even said it out loud.

to go and break it down further, i believe there are several aspects to her personality that are important contributors in this: dedication, responsibility, and strong sense of self worth

dedication: this one seems pretty obvious, since when we are first introduced to Martha we are shown her position as a med student in her last year of residency. everyone with passing knowledge of what it takes to be a doctor knows this isn’t for the faint of heart. knowing just that we can already infer that she’s studious, hard working, and intelligent.

but it goes beyond that, as is continually shown throughout her arc. she becomes know as the “Woman Who Walked the Earth”, a title she got by literally walking around the earth for a year in an apocalyptic hellscape and never once wavering in completing in her mission. she didn’t just join but rose through the ranks of UNIT to the point where she was trusted with the Osterhagen key-quite literally the most important responsibility given to any single person at that point in human history.

and if we are talking about less dramatic examples, kindly take a look where Martha spent months undercover in an incredibly racist time period with absolutely no support despite there being actually no reason beyond Ten needing his little moral moment and yet not only managed to keep her spirits, but also is directly responsible for the Doctor’s plan not being any more of a clusterfuck than it already was. same story with “Blink”, where they both got trapped in the sixties and Martha once more had to stand up and handle things behind the scenes.

next, responsibility: this ties in really well with dedication and it can go double for all the things i listed above. the reason i think this is, is that as a result of her dedication and moral code, Martha tends to take on the problems set before her to the best of her abilities because she sees it as the right thing to do.  

but what i really want to look at is Martha’s sense of emotional responsibility, as in not the actions she takes but why she takes them. i feel like this is best seen in how she acts towards her family and is what really sets her apart from the other companions in the series. 

because you know what she does? she stays. her family needs her.

and here’s the ringer because name one character, one, since her that makes an active effort to maintain their relationships with their families when the Doctor comes to play. i can’t. really, i can’t

Donna? doesn’t count. she might love her family but when push comes to shove she was willing to die with the Doctor-or more accurately for who she became with the Doctor, than to live her life with them.

Rose? don’t make me laugh. she loves her mother to death, but not enough to choose her first.

Jack? no family to speak of at that point, but look how fast he leaves his friends at the very hint of the Doctor coming back into his life. yes, he has his immortality based reasons but there’s nothing about their scenes that doesn’t scream emotional.

Amy and Rory? i can count on one hand how many times the topic of relatives has come up for Amy and it still leaves me a finger left over for Rory. despite magically getting her parents back in her life she seems awfully unconcerned with their general existence. 

i’m also not entirely sure Rory has parents-or even connections, beyond his dad. he might have just sprung up in a field somewhere, and we’d never know. hey, maybe Amy wished him into existence a bit earlier than we all thought.

Clara? i’m almost certain she has parents. almost. like, she had an entire holiday dinner?? i’m pretty sure she mentioned her dad at some point?? but beyond the meet cute of how her parents got together, zilch. nada. she might as well have been an orphan.

Bill? okay she was actually an orphan but i don’t think she actually mentioned or contacted her foster mother after she moved out. not sure this counts tho. the Doctor was dading too hard to say she had no parents.

i admit the newest companions kind of break the mold but I still say it counts since the only familial connection Ryan and Graham try to maintain to between each other and while Yaz might be close to her family her life with the Doctor seems to be taking priority over both her career and how much she spends time connecting with her family.

honestly the only one that even comes close to subverting the pattern is Mickey and the only reason he doesn’t properly is because he didn’t have any living family before going to Pete’s world.

but even in the beginning Martha spends time actively maintaining her relationships with her family members. again, in her first episode we see her playing mediator for her family, and going on we see her doing her best to support her sister, be a good daughter to her mother, and keep her family connected through sheer will power at times. sure, the other companions have shown the appropriate concern when there’s threat to their loved ones lives, but Martha again subverts the mold when it becomes clear that she’s not willing to let them go. 

so, back to responsibility. 

you tie this with her morals and you get the result of a doctor that gives her last breaths to keep another person alive. 

you tie this with her dedication and you get the kind of person who will walk to the ends of the earth if she deems the cause good enough. 

and finally, if you tie this with her emotional connections, you have the kind of person that takes the hard, messy work of tying together a somewhat dysfunctional family with her bare hands.

so now we’ve reached a strong sense of self worth: this i think is present in all of her decisions in the show. like, her entire story arc as a companion was ended on the note that she discovered her self worth and that she shouldn’t made to be feeling like she’s second fiddle. but, again, i feel like this is shown clearly throughout her story line even if she didn’t consciously recognize it. 

the most obvious example i see on this kind of contrasts with the above one, and it is that Martha leaves. She chooses to go with the Doctor and see what’s out there. It’s not a decision her mother and perhaps the rest of her family would or does approve of and she still makes it.

she also, having taken the not so metaphorical leap of faith, chooses to pursue the Doctor romantically. that is something that i did not appreciate as a kid but respect the hell out of now. the sheer self confidence that it takes to not only approach your crush but pick yourself up after they don’t notice time and time again is absolutely incredible. we stan an absolute legend.

but back to my point, it would’ve been incredibly easy for Martha’s character to have been introduced as the stereotype of one of those people who go into medschool due to parental pressure. it could’ve even been supported by her background with her family and future character arc of discovering her worth.  but all those assertions evaporate the second she comes on screen. 

Why? Self worth. 

The concept that Martha could be pressured into her path in life is laughable. She perused medicine because she wanted to. It’s her passion. She didn’t have to say it out loud to be clear in her actions. 

Her family’s wants and opinions might have some weight because she respects them, but ultimately she doesn’t need their approval to make herself happy. Her teachers, peers and assumed friends at her school also had the same affect. 

Martha Jones went with the Doctor because she wanted to, and she stayed because she wanted to as well. Her choices are made to be the most fulfilling to herself. Yes, they are motivated by her responsibilities and dedication to see them through, but that is it-motivated. She does not need to live up to to the things people need from her to have fulfillment. 

See the choices she made after she left the Doctor if you want any indication. She enlisted in UNIT because she realized she could do more for the world than just be a doctor, and she decided she wanted to. She got into and out of an engagement because she was in touch with what made her happy and what didn’t. The choices she made during her time with UNIT were ones that she made not because the Doctor would approve-since she knew he wouldn’t, but were ones she reasoned were the best options forward. 

And finally, when Martha decided after the near end she didn’t want to be with UNIT anymore, she left and went to find something that she wanted to do more. 

i once read an excellent post that made the point that unlike other companions, Martha Jones never needed the Doctor, and it was absolutely right. In the end of the day, Martha Jones never needed anything but her own to hands to go and make the world a better place.

And you know what? At that, she is good. 

[youremyonlyhope]

Spyfall Part 2

Yay part 2! I’m so ready. Give me more.

While on my lunch break at work today, I nearly opened tumblr on my phone. Then I realized it was after 2pm so the episode was currently airing in Britain. I could have been spoiled if I hadn’t stopped myself. 

I see the Doctor is still talking to herself. Old habits die hard. “Don’t panic.” Love Hitchhiker’s Guide. “RYAN.” HUH “RYAN SINCLAIR?” WHAT? This is reminding me of something... what am I being reminded of... BLINK MAYBE??? YES THIS IS JUST LIKE “SALLY SPARROW DUCK NOW.” THIS IS BLINK. IS THIS BLINK? BECAUSE THIS IS BLINK. ...Who in the world is this lady... “Obviously I’m a recording and can’t hear you.” THIS IS BLINK. Also this is throwing shade at Blink with the “Obviously” part...  It is his TARDIS!!!! IT’S A TARDIS. THE HOUSE IS A TARDIS. THE FANS WERE RIGHT. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was a TARDIS or just the Master making a joke by having the house fly by them. But nope, IT’S A TARDIS. I literally screamed “IT’S A TARDIS” out loud. “Magic Apparrating Man! Lady. Apparrating Lady! Every time...” That made my dad laugh. But I mean, 1100 years at least of being a man, not counting the 4 billion years in the confession dial. It takes getting used to. Marooned in the past. Chibnall, I really hate to say this, but this is becoming a little too similar to Blink. Just because of the being trapped in the past and leaving messages for the present thing. The lace bonnet had looked super.... weird in the other realm. In a cool way. A way that made me wonder what material it was made of and if she was really from the mid 1800s or if she was just an alien with clothing that imitated the style. Because the way the lace glowed was cool. Also. Why does Ada seem familiar to me? OH NO. Lol. “O no.” I didn’t even do that on purpose. That face she made as she realized the Master’s not in control was such a Doctor face. “Ada, I really do not approve.” Aww Doctor. Never change. I like the old lady taking a picture with an iPad. Yaz calling her mom is a very Martha move and I approve. The Silver Lady was in the Master’s TARDIS.... “From his master” oh ok. “Multiple time periods” OOoohhhhh. Not multiple Earth dimensions then. I was gonna say that I was thinking of Weeping Angels earlier in the day today... I’m not saying these are Weeping Angels... but getting the vibes from the time travel and pulling people in and out and stuff. Oh and I was right that they can transport people purposefully. Did I say that in the last post? I can’t remember. But when Yaz was transported last episode I was like “So they can transport people places?” and the answer is a definite yes, and also in time. Also. Ada Lovelace. I know that name... I know I know that name... “Deep breath” ok now I miss Twelve. Of course it’s WWII. This music reminds me of like... Star Wars... Something from the sequel trilogy sounds like this... or at least has this vibe... Also. I don’t know how I feel about an Indian man in a Nazi uniform. That just... they wouldn’t have let him do that, first of all. Second of all, can we not? These are all women so far that the Doctor is bumping into... And I feel like it’s meaningful... Why would he do that to his mom? Noor Khan, I feel like I DEFINITELY have heard of her. Important women in science? I’m guessing Ada was a mathematician I think, but I can’t really remember. “They promised us that a war on this scale would never happen again.” “This is not the first time?” Ugh. WWI and pre-WWI people finding out about WWII always hurts. IT’S THE DOCTOR DOING THE SOUND OF THE DRUMS. Just the sound of the drums gives me chills. Is this a Old Who thing? The mind reading? She said it was classic. “Not exactly the Aryan archetype.” THAT’S WHAT I WAS SAYING. OOoooooh a perception filter. So they think he’s white. Ok. Ok that’s better.

Also, I’m sorta glad they’re actually addressing race affecting time travel to different time periods. They didn’t do it with Martha enough/at all. They tried to do it with Bill, and I did appreciate the “History is a whitewash” and London being blacker than Bill thought it was, but because London was diverse it wasn’t really an issue (besides the racist the Doctor punched). But I’m glad this is an actual situation where being another race is genuinely DANGEROUS since that’s how it was.

“Look after my mum” So is she not dead? Or is he mocking them? They can’t have destroyed Gallifrey again. He’s lying It was probably the Master himself that killed everyone if he’s not lying. “How else would I get your attention?” Awwww. That’s almost sweet. It’s sweet by Master standards ok. Ok... letting Nazis attack the Master... for being a spy... while he’s a person of color... is pretty harsh... Of course the Nazis can’t do much damage... And the Master did willing side with them to find the Doctor... But still... Very harsh... I guess after everything the Master has done... Maybe he deserves to be on the receiving end of racism since he hates humans so much... But still. “Forget you heard that word.... Otherwise I’ve just disrupted the whole of history. Again.” Doctor. Babe. Control yourself. Ok so it was people who were important in the development of computers in general. Cool cool cool. I appreciate that Ada and Noor were the ones the Doctor specifically bumped into. “You kept clicking agree” Yeah... yeah... he got us there. “This is like the Matrix” - My Dad. OH wow the Master came the long way round. 77 years. I’d almost say poor dude. Conversion!?!? NO. NOT CYBERMAN! IF THERE’S CYBERMEN THEN IS THIS A 3-PARTER?! “Oh.” “That’s your name.” HA. HA, good one Doctor. “I forgot the plane!” No you didn’t, Doctor. Don’t worry. You can do it anytime, as long as you do it at some point. “Are we being replaced?” Oh Graham. But also, I want the next companions to be from the past. See in Blink we didn’t get to see the Doctor setting everything up like we’re seeing it now. So that’s cool. Imagine if we had seen Martha standing behind the camera annoyed, then running around to say “I gotta support him!” That could have been fun. I think I just want more Martha in Blink. “The Fascists. Do they win?” “Never” Yeah I really hope not, but time is repeating itself. I guess it will also repeat them not winning. That’s sweet that the Doctor still wants her to know that computers are a thing because of Ada. And I appreciate that the show didn’t try to be like “She helped make computers because of the Doctor.” because no, she made them because she was always going to. Oh wow we’re going back to Gallifrey?? We haven’t been in a while. Been wondering if we would.

I didn’t write anything for the last few minutes because I’m just like... HUH.

First of all, I knew the Master did it. Called it.

Second of all. I was like “Oh no. The Doctor just got Gallifrey back, do we HAVE to take it away again? To make her angsty?” Then we heard the Master’s reason for destroying it and I was like ok maybe there’s justification.

Third of all. The Time Lords have always sucked. We’ve known this forever.  The Doctor has said that the Time Lords went wrong at the end of the Time War and that they choose to remember them in a good way and forget the ugly side. So we know the Time Lords suck. That’s not a surprise. What is it that they did that was so bad, the MASTER of all people felt the need to put an end to it? The Master. As in the little boy who was driven crazy because the Time Lords chose to put the Sound of the Drums in his head and use him as a weapon. He didn’t destroy Gallifrey then, so what could be worse than that? Do I even want to know? They’ll tell us, but I don’t know if I want to hear it. We might be going very dark this season...

Fourth of all, yay! They’re asking the Doctor questions and she’s answering! Yay! And Yaz asking “Can we go to your planet?” was the second Martha thing she did.

And fifth, yay! We’re probably getting an overarching theme this season! And maybe the Master isn’t completely evil, since everyone’s so worried about Missy’s redemption! He’s just hurt by what he found, felt he had to destroy Gallifrey, and is still upset about it. When he said the Timeless Child I literally said out loud “OH. OH ok so we’re really doing this then.” because I felt like all the predictions of the Timeless Child being involved were probably right... but not like this.

EPIPHANY. What if he really was just doing all this to get the Doctor’s attention? He wants the Doctor share the burden of the truth, but doesn’t know any other way to get her to listen besides do horrible things. What if he didn’t kill, plot, and plan just for the hell of it and maybe rub Gallifrey in the Doctor’s face, but the ultimate goal was to get that message to the Doctor so the Doctor could find out about Gallifrey.

Honestly I’m concerned about what it is that the Time Lords lied about. What did the Master mean by “who we are as a species” like... I’m scared.

Also halfway through the episode my mom came in (she’s super behind, as in she hasn’t even watched Capaldi’s seasons yet) and she said “You have to stop screaming ‘IT’S A TARDIS IT’S A TARDIS’ of course it’s a TARDIS that’s what she drives.” So apparently my mom heard my freak out over the Master’s TARDIS. She heard me screaming last episode too when I was jumping at the Master reveal.

Anyway. Sorta Blink-esque in that Ryan, Yaz, and Graham being saved is an endless loop if causing itself because of previously planted messages from the Doctor. But also, we got a mini history lesson, which was the point of Doctor Who in the first place. Gallifrey’s gone and apparently Time Lords suck, but what else is new. And we got the Master finding out the effect that race has in certain (or all) time periods. Hopefully the Master’s back soon. We really were spoiled rotten by Season 10 when they gave us Missy in like half of the episodes. I need more Master. Give me more Master.

[timeagainreviews]

Spyfall aka Ryan and Yaz get into VOR

As our first sample of series twelve, "Spyfall," offers up a lot to talk about. Through a series of misdirects and intrigue leading to a big reveal, it certainly fits the spy genre. However, I should preface this by saying I've never seen a single James Bond film. Don't expect me to get minor references because I won't have caught them. What I do know is Doctor Who, and by golly does it feel good to be writing about new Doctor Who.

Earlier today I accidentally read the synopsis to tonight's episode. I say accidentally because I have purposely been avoiding plot synopses. I was a bit annoyed as it ruins the entire opening sequence of spies getting kidnapped by aliens. I was left with zero levels of intrigue or mystery during the opener as I knew exactly what was happening. However, as I said, this is an episode of misdirection. For better or worse, the kidnapping of spies turns out virtually inconsequential by the end.

I was a little disappointed when I discovered the companions were only visiting their loved ones, jobs, and other doctors because of a pit stop. One of the things I liked about Moffat's era was that the Doctor came and went. Steven Moffat called these "Big Finish gaps," where writers could squeeze in new companions and adventures. They do use this time to give some glimpses into Ryan, Yaz, and Graham's personal lives. Yaz is about to get fired, Ryan's friends miss him, and Graham is 'travelling.' Meanwhile, the Doctor goes in for her MOT. The visual of the Doctor sorting out the TARDIS on a hydraulic lift is a cute sight gag that reminded me a bit of Matt Smith's tinkering under his TARDIS console. However, it always confuses me when they break the barrier of the chameleon circuit a little bit. Like the fact that the TARDIS would need to be painted, or have its lightbulb changed is a bit perplexing.

Our friends find themselves rounded up by a couple of spies in a dark government vehicle. However their captivity is drawn short as the dashboard vaporises the driver leaving the crew helpless as the car reverses down the motorway by some invisible hand. The Doctor manages to gain control of the vehicle just on the brink of disaster. It seems that Chibnall's newfound love for speeding car chases on New Years day has now been established. It was frankly, rather thrilling.

Over the car's satnav, a man by the named of "C," invites them to MI-6 to ask the Doctor for help. Enter national treasure Stephen Fry. I feel like Juno Dawson should have gotten a cheque from this episode as the whole mistaking Graham for the Doctor because the Doctor has always been a man was the entire premise to her book "The Good Doctor." If you're looking for a fun Doctor Who read, it's a cracker! Also, yay for trans artists!

As soon as we meet C, there he goes... lasered. There is sadly very little of his character, so when he dies, it's not so much the character's death that's shocking, it's the fact that they wasted Stephen Fry that is shocking, which seems cheap. I'm really hoping that they bring him back somehow in part two, because if not, I am a disappoint.

Mr C, as I'm calling him due to the various Twin Peaks themes throughout this episode, shows the Doctor to a woman being kept as a patient. It's one of the spies from the opening sequence, only her DNA has been rewritten, and Mr C wants to know why. After enlisting the help of the Doctor we're treated to a bit of spy paraphernalia for Graham and Ryan to go nuts over. Every spy that had gone missing was investigating a man named Daniel Barton, who runs a search engine called VOR.

Okay, so I will give Chris Chibnall credit that he's trying to be more hip, but this is just an unfortunate name. How are we supposed to believe the people making Doctor Who are hip to their audience if they've never heard of vore before? It's like they don't even look at Tumblr. Which would mean I'm not actually speaking to Chris Chibnall directly. Which also means that bridge troll lied to me. Seriously though, is there not one dakimakura cuddling, partial fursuit-wearing, giantess worshipping weirdo working on Doctor Who? Not that there's anything wrong with weirdos, I am one of those. For myself and other weirdos, every time they said something like "VOR has infiltrated every corner of the internet," it was so much unintended laughter. I honestly had a hard time following the plot in places because I was laughing so much.

After Mr C is assassinated, the walls of his office turn into bad guys looking like chameleons or Voord in scramble suits. I couldn't help but wonder if VOR wasn't actually a nod to the Voord being the baddies. They very well still could be, but that's a bit of a stretch. Would be an awesome way to reinvent them though. The Doctor and Fam find refuge in the TARDIS where the Doctor decides to split the team-up. Yaz and Ryan will pose as journalists and Graham and the Doctor are going to see her WhatsApp buddy. Much to everyone's surprise, one of the chameleon creatures begins working its way through the TARDIS door, causing the Doctor to dematerialise ahead of schedule.

The Doctor's WhatsApp buddy is left a mystery. Initially he sends her a picture of a fish which I thought was going to be a one-off Chibnall joke about how the Doctor is friends with a fish, or perhaps that they were currently underwater. But the image is actually a coded file that leads the Doctor to this mysterious person's location, which is Australia, and definitely not underwater. I was expecting all of this mystique to lead to some big reveal, but instead, we get some guy named O. As in "Oh, it's nobody special." I saw that black hair behind and I was hopeful that it was Captain Jack. If Chibnall purposely built this up to be disappointing all so he could land the big reveal later, then my hat is off to him.

The problem is, up until that reveal, O is boring as wallpaper. In discussing the episode with my friend, I had mentioned that it was like the Asgard scenes in "Thor: Ragnarok," in that they're the worst scenes in the movie, and every time we're there, we'd rather be somewhere more interesting, like with Yaz and Ryan in San Fransisco. Oh hey, there they are now! After finding their way into Barton's office, Yaz plays a reporter and Ryan acts as her photographer. All the while they're scanning his DNA to discover if he's an alien threat or not. The interview acts more as a means to dispense exposition. I get that she's not a real journalist, but if you're talking to Bill Gates you're not going to ask him to describe his company like he's some scrappy tech start-up. Just as the interview starts to get spicy with Yaz calling attention to social media being safe havens for hate speech, the interview gets cut short. As an apology, Barton invites them to his birthday party the next day, because that's a thing people do. How very convenient.

Even more convenient is that nobody was there to escort Ryan and Yaz out of the building. My wife used to work for a tech company in the states where I visited her for lunch a couple of times. The amount of security I had to go through just to have a bit of pizza with the missus makes VOR seem tame. Heh. The duo sneaks into Barton's office where they have a conversation that proves once and for all that Chibnall is very hip with the kids when Yaz informs Ryan that her sister wants his phone number. What's she gonna do, call him from her rotary phone from the old folks home? Seriously girl, slide into them DMs, look up his damn Insta or Snapchat. At least the Doctor uses WhatsApp.

Lots of tropes follow. They need to copy information from Barton's computer. Barton returns to his office. Ryan and Yaz have to hide. Barton even does the whole "I know you're there," but he's actually speaking to someone else trope. The “someone else,” are the wall chameleon Voord dudes who seem to be covered in bright light. He seems to control them or answer to them on some level. After Barton and the two chameleon bois leave, Yaz goes back to the computer to get more information but is stopped by a third chameleon dude. He zaps her into oblivion and Ryan runs away only to find the building lighting up with chameleon bois in the windows like Cybermen waking from a tomb. Actually I'm not discounting that they could be Cybermen.

Meanwhile, in Australia, the Doctor and Graham have possibly brought chameleon bois with them like interdimensional bed bugs. O's small cabin is under attack until some crafty use of force fields on O's behalf manages to trap one of these baddies glowing as bright as floodlights. The Doctor questions the trapped creature who informs her that it and the rest of its kind plan to take over the universe. Finally, some high stakes in Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who!

During all of this, Yaz finds herself alone in an unfamiliar place that looks like a neural network of sorts. Impulses of energy spark around her feet and up long tendrils reaching up into darkness. A lot of this reminded me of Twin Peaks: The Return. From the desert outside O's home, to the creatures travelling through electricity, to a hero appearing suddenly in a glass box that also houses a monster. It would not surprise me if many of the production crew at Doctor Who weren't also giant fans of Twin Peaks because its hoof prints are everywhere. I'll forgive them then for not knowing what vore was.

As I said, a hero appears in the box. Just as the Doctor is talking to the creature in the box, Yaz is overtaken by the electrical pulses and is transported to Australia, switching places with the creature in the box. During a bit of downtime, Yaz sulks a bit from thinking she was dead. Graham and O discuss the Doctor long enough for Graham to discover she wasn't lying about being a man before. As a trans person, I've seen that face Graham made and it's pretty accurate. Props to Bradley Walsh for capturing trans panic with such realism! According to the DNA scan, they discover Barton is only 93% human, which sounds an awful lot like the woman in a coma at MI-6. They also discover a strange code imbedded in VOR’s system. Strangely it makes a map of the earth, but not just one map, several maps of the same earth. I’m thinking it probably has to do with different points in time. After rounding everyone up, including O, the Doctor forms a plan to infiltrate Barton's party and confront him.

Perhaps at this point, the biggest shock about Barton's party is how much of it actually plays out. So many things have happened up to this point that I figured the episode would be ending soon. The Doctor and her fam show up in full tuxes. Even O has spiffed up. We get to watch Graham and Ryan bond a bit over gambling and the Doctor attempts to play poker, but just ends up playing snap instead. However, her actual plan is pretty weak. She literally walks up to Barton and confronts him. That's the whole of her plan. Step one: Get lucky enough to be invited to Barton's birthday party. Step two: Confront Barton directly. Step three: No, that was it.

Barton, of course, flees giving us a chance for yet another car chase. This time there are motorcycles and guns! Though the guns are a bit rubbish as they can't hit anything but bulletproof motorcycle headlamps. This sounds nitpicky, which it is. I was having a lot of fun at this point in the episode. Lenny Henry was clearly having fun as Daniel Barton, firing wildly at our heroes from a speeding car. The chase leads us all the way to the airport where our heroes pile into the back of Barton's getaway plane.

What happens next is basically all over the internet at this point. People are going crazy for the return of the Master. It would appear that our gentle natured O is actually Missy regenerated into a new body. Sacha Dhawan plays the role with great relish, and none too soon! I was beginning to feel bored to tears by O. It was also by this point that I had a bit of a revelation, as up until O started to show an attraction toward Yaz, I was pinging the dude as a friend of Dorothy. And speaking of Dorothy, how about that flying house out the window reference with the Master's TARDIS?

A lot of this episode hit a lot of Third Doctor notes for me. The glowing villains were like something from "Ambassadors of Death." And how gnarly was the return of tissue compression as a means of killing? Looking at mini-agent O in that matchbox is as ghoulish as it was when Delgado was the Master. Another great thing is that the Master is once again being used to pave the way for future Doctors. As we got Missy, we ended up with a female Doctor. And as we now have a person of colour playing the Master, perhaps then we will get a person of colour playing the Fourteenth Doctor.

This is not to say that I was 100% onboard with this new Master. While I do think Dhawan seems to do well with his five minutes of screen time as the Master, I'm feeling a bit of big reveal fatigue from literally every Master since Yana. It's the same creeping realisation as it slowly dons on the Doctor that the person standing in front of them is indeed the Master. We're supposed to swoon with excitement while the Doctor and Master stand there eye-fucking each other. Hell, they even did it with Capaldi and baby Davros. I'm putting a moratorium on the big Master reveal. You don't get to keep doing the same story and expect a pat on the head. The next Master needs to regenerate in front of the Doctor or something because this is getting old.

The real excitement from the scene comes from the potential of yet another actor in the shoes of our favourite psychopath. I'll always be open to seeing what a new person can bring to the role. And my what an exit he has! After revealing his true nature to the Doctor, our new Master leaves our heroes with a bomb on board the plane. His parting words of "Everything you think you know is a lie," sounds a lot like retconning to me. My guess is that it has to do with Chibnall's "timeless child," storyline. It's pure conjecture on my part, but there's a slim chance it's going to point toward the Doctor being some sort of orphan the Time Lords found. There are echoes of Andrew Cartmel's "The Other," storyline. The reason I think this is that such a storyline would inject mystery back into the Doctor's character. Adding a little more of the "Who?" to Doctor Who.

Things at this point are happening in rapid succession. I don't quite know what happened to Barton other than he turned into a cockpit bomb. Perhaps that was the other 7% of his DNA. His mother's father's father was a bomb from a long line of bombs. The truth is probably closer to the 7% being part chameleon boi. If you’ll remember, the DNA scan only said 93% human, and never said what the remainder was. This could be because the species is unknown, or it could also be because, like with the sonic screwdriver, it was unscannable. Before the Doctor can come up with a brilliant escape, she suddenly finds herself in the same strange dimension where Yaz had found herself. As that all too familiar stab indicating the end of the episode swells, I was left relieved I would only have to wait until Sunday to see the conclusion to Spyfall.

How exciting is it to be excited for Doctor Who again? As much as I loved parts of series eleven, I went into each episode with a slight pang of dread that I wouldn't enjoy myself. In fact, when I saw the words "Part I," and "by Chris Chibnall," at the beginning, I started to dread the outcome. A lot of my trepidation is still a remnant from Moffat's lesser qualities. I'm tired in a lot of ways, of big reveals and cryptic soundbites that oftentimes lead to disappointment. I even got some of the things I’ve been wanting to see. I got to see Jodie be tough with Barton. They stopped using those god awful ugly closeup shots. And we got to see some variation in the Doctor’s costume. On top of all of that, I admired the fact that the Doctor wasn’t able to sonic screwdriver away her problems. (Though I would say psychic paper would have been a more believable way into the party). While I don't feel we're out of the woods just yet, the promise inherent in this most recent episode has me feeling optimistic. I had a lot of fun.