#Theres a lot of dumb shit
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@polterxgheist
🥲🥲 SHDB THANK YOU!! We really do try and have a lot of wholesome stories mixed with the crazy! Because I never get to really talk about them and in no particular order::
- Parsa and Sudo's relationship: Parsa has the Legendary Super Saiyan gene which means her emotions heavily peak. Whereas Sudo is emotionally "stunted" based on his alien race. The two end up balancing each other out, where Sudo can talk Parsa down and Parsa fills Sudo's emotional gaps.
- Victor confiding in Princess Zelda: Victor is our oc based on an old throw away plot of LOZ where she had a brother. Ours takes place in BoTW, so after Zelda's mother dies, the King - like years later - founded a small romance with one of the servants in the castle. She came to the king saying she was pregnant and he cast her out (same guy who wouldn't let his daughter dabble in technology). Victor was born, but when he was young a wizard killed his mother and raised him as if he was his own. Sewing distrust in the royal family and definitely abusing him. Victor killed the wizard but ended up sealed in his grimoire until Zelda and friends found the book. Victor was a villain for a bit but was also pretty traumatized and not mentally well. One night he and Zelda just ended up having a long heart to heart. Zelda seething that her father kept more secrets from her, Victor just bubbling over and just both siblings bonding. The emotional connection led to Victor vomiting black ooze - malice, originally planted by the wizard to keep Victor angry and spiteful. After that night, the two moved forward as better siblings. He is also very protective of his sister, and same is true for Zelda.
- Yuki and Spencer getting adopted: I've talked a fair bit about my One Piece twins but this one stuck with me since Yuki and Spencer had different lives before reconnecting. Yuki was closer with the scientist that made them, pretty much viewing him like a father figure. His tattoo is where she got her name (though she spelt it wrong). Spencer didn't have that. Yuki had a toxic relationship that led her to joining the Marines where Spencer just floated taking odd jobs and spiraling. The two were in their 20s when they met Reginald - Saika Iblin's butler. Yuki having a romantic relationship with Saika, and Spencer working for him. Reginald was always supportive of the two and worked as a mediator for them for a bit. He went out of his way and even found their egg doner - the person who was technically their "mom". Reginald actually ended up falling for her, and the two made an agreement to pull Yuki and Spencer aside and presented the forms. They were adults, so they didn't have to agree to anything...but they did. It was something they've both searched for all their lives- just a place to belong. And thus, they became a very weird family ♡ (and even got a little sister later!)
There's more but this is long ;A;
#polterxgheist#BIG RAMBLE#TEARS WERE SHED-#Theres a lot of dumb shit#but a lot of good story beats too--
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How did you get so good at animating and drawing? Aside from practice, what techniques do you use? What software do you use?
I only know the basics/fundamentals of both drawing and animation.
For drawing, I've carried out lessons about the Elements and principles of design, the history of graphics design, traditional drawing techniques, color theory, anatomy, character design, blah blah blah. Lots of info I still do my best to practice/put in my art. If y'all notice me animating gifs then it's bc I have time to do so... ( I'm in term break until late July ) They're likely short, but it's through animation blocking, timing, and incorporating both in-betweens and tweening.
I've used Adobe Animate/After Effects for school projects, sometimes for doodles only, I currently use Clip Studio Paint bc it's where I'm more comfy with ^^ Maybe someday I'll be able to afford Toon Boom hehe.
#messyr#always morally correct to pirate adobe products guys trust me in this one#anyway it's not that im THAT GOOD- I just expose myself to so much media consumption + my unquenchable thirst for art is just something#I still have a lot of flaws in my works from mediocre to average in professionals/industry's eyes. Theres still so much to learn and try#Considering my course as a multimedia student- also feeds the 'I want to learn everything and anything' mindset.#born to animate forced to be a mixed package: honestly im not even gonna complain AHAHAHHA#im actually surprised im not burnt out after 2d animation finals in 1st year and film production finals 2nd year#MANIFESTING TO GRADUATE AS JACK OF ALL TRADES / MASTER OF NONE#pls dont percieve me as easy going or envy shit- i work TWICE as hard in everything I do bc imindubitably so dumb at times#not only that but almost always handicapped as if God decides to nerf patch my life every damn time
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yippee yay being in the meljayvik tag yaaay i hope this will affect my "for you" dash nicely. oh its a confessional blog where people are just nasty on anon. okay. great. this is nice 🙃
#im going to put my head through the wall.#the monogamy fans are at constantly guys i cant deal with it.#i mean to be fair theres some dumb shit in the meljayvik tag too but by god#by GOD do a lot of the monogamy fans feel they're slighted by one or the other#jayvik fans think they have it the worst when they bash a black woman#meljay fans wont even make their own art#etc etc#this is why i gotta only interact w the meljayvik people i cant deal with this shit man.
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local man haunts (me) open practise yet again more news at 11
#txt#what an experience#i didnt go alone this time which means shenanigans heightened by 20#and by that i mean we were by the glass drinking mate (that security thankfully let us bring in)#and ___ kept going (lifts mate up to the glass) quieres? to all the players that skated by#and i had to just go STOP THAT#and they went they dont want our mate hmph what do they know about mate and i went. well thats the thing. they dont 😭😭#theres was a bunch of kids next to me which meant a lot players over to our side and ekky trucked over#and knocked the glass w his stick on a driveby and scared the shit out of me I ALMOST DROPPED MY MATE he had this shit eating grin#maffhew also kept doing little toodle-loo waves at the kids behind him it was so cute 😭😭😭#but anyways i think its so funny ___ kept focusing on ekky too and i didnt realise why until they just drop the bombshell of#“they remind me of your brother” and i went “DONT FUCKING SAY THAT WHAT THE FUCK MAN DONT SAY SUCH SACRILEGE”#the rest of the convo was in spanish and i dont know how to like fully convey 🇦🇷 banter in eng but it roughly went#“no he does. he has the same dumb face when he starts shit (because he kept bodily bumping into boqy and forsy)#the same 'was that me? did i do that?' troublemaker face. hes a shit stirrer but never answers to it. hes sleazy in that way.#he has the same beard too dont you see it“#and then i promptly spent the whole time going god he is just like my older brother oh this is a horrifying revelation oh god#anyways they kept saying look at his dumb face look at it just like your brother the whole time in spanish when he crept near#and i had to go SHUT UP PLEASE HE CAN HEAR YOU to which they snorted and went you said its fine if we spoke spanish here theyre not gonna#understand us and i was like OKAY BUT IM SURE 11 YEARS HERE HES GONNA PICK UP#SOMETHING AND WE KEEP CURSING SO FOR MY SAKE CAN YOU SHUT UP#mikksy and schmidty were super playful with eo. tuomo ruutu kept messing w mikksy. and ekky was like a damn bumper car bumpin everyone#maffhew ofc was very dramatic when he couldnt get a goal in against knighter and he did the horse headshake in front of us#and i went “you can tell whos number 19 because hes the most dramatic person on the ice always”#ekky was super vocal i know he wanted to practise against the empty net but aj was practising tipins and he goes#MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. and aj so confused just moves like ???#and ekky notches one in goes over to him and waves his glove at him to move#also dmen + lundy were practising on my side of the ice afterwards (lundy ekky uvis kuli. kuli was practising solo. lundy was feeding ekky#for some slapshots uvis got some passes in with them) and anyways i did not fucking realise swaggy was still out because i was so focused on#the dmen until he shot a puck straight at my face and like man i know its not personal but damn did it feel personal with the lookback
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been creatively flatlining someone give me silly little doodle prompts
#i did a dumb thing where i had fun projects i was vibing with but decided to prioritize smth else that just wasnt working and now#nothings working and also im running out of time for my personally set deadline for smth specific but oughhhh oughhhghhh#also my fucking hands!!!!! my fucking hands!!!!!!! mad at me for no reason!!!!!!!! sending me pain at random when i havent used them a lot#all day!!!!! fucking rude as shit!!!!!!! not helping my vibe!!!!!!!!#unforch theres nothing i can rlly do abt that. though i might try switching all my shit to my laptop i think using the phone keyboard isnt#helping at all#anyway send me prompts or whatever for me to doodle tomorrow when i have the time. fandom or not idc#ok goodnight now i must retire for the evening
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#yippee look at that its wander:33#i do not draw my boy enough#anyways ive been thinking a lot about how i wish there was someplace nearby to watch the sunset#specifically that also doesnt have a bunch of people because the entire point is to not do that#cause i like being outside but theres just nowhere to go where im not constantly surrounded by other people#and the entire point of going outside for me is to not worry about people for a little while#it is shockingly hard to be alone ever#because “other people” live in this house because “theyre my family”#and the odds of everybody going someplace but me are so very low#ugh god i hate that the only two things i want are to move out and move on and also to never have to leave#why does everything have to be some stupid fucking moral dilemma man i just wanna worry about dumb shit for once#ugh anyways yay drawing#i havent decided if i hate the background yet so we'll see#and enjoy my epic musical selection that i doubt anyone ever actually listens to but theyre still fun to add#art#drawing#digital art#furry#sfw furry#sfw furry art#furry art#digital drawing#oc#oc art#oc artwork#oc drawing#Spotify#my art
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Releases pikmin creatures into your home
What will you do?
probably have sex with them i guess
oh fucm *slides my hair back and sprays perfume into my mouth* agh agh cough fuck wrong thing *sprays that other shit into my mouth then pops my shirts collar* what's up lil mamma. how about we find a quiet place to sit and make the whole place wet... EUGH!!! what's all this then!!
anon. anon. what do i do if she's a milf
#ask#anon#anonymous im so sorry. im sorry.#to actually answer your question though. depends on what creature#and ik theres like. a lot of creatures.#i think id like to have a bunch of bulbmin. or bulborbs. they remind me a lot of opossums. mostly in their mouth shape and fangs.#but generally i think id either release them outside or just watch them for a bit for the most part. in terms of most pikmin creatures.#breadbugs would be funny to watch but i imagine they'd probably be pest-like if not taken care of or kept in an enclosure#theyd be constantly trying to take random shit back to their holes or piles of dirt or whatever#like listen i never lose my keys since i keep them in the same place. and also theyre on a bright red lanyard.#but a breadbug would steal those keys and i would be in distress#for pikmin themselves. same deal i think. id prefer to see them outside than inside my house#i think bulborbs/bulbmin would be the highest on my list of creatures to take care of maybe#otherwise LEEEAVE my motherfucking home NOOOWWWW!!!!#except less like dr breen#anyway. anon. sorry about the initial reply. i hope my tags sufficed#i like to say dumb shit i cant help it. favourite activity.#anyway thank you for the ask anon :)
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thinking about the physical toll being tortured by armand took on daniel's body, even if he doesnt remember it. the injuries, the blood loss, the pain, the bruises and scars he was probably never able to explain. even if he didnt remember what happened, that trauma was locked into his body, and its probably in part why his life fell apart the way it did over and over again. how can you heal from a trauma that you literally cant remember ever happening? no amount of therapy would unlock it, it was magically sealed away within him. and he couldnt tell anyone about louis biting him, let alone everything else that happened to him. that fear and anger and pain were locked away deep inside of him and hes just now realizing why his life has been the way it is. armand made him forget but the impact it had on him still exists today.
#not to mention the shame and pain of waking up in a drug den and thinking you went on a bender#like that probably intensified his lifelong struggle with addiction. hes spent his entire life thinking he was just a#dumb kid who got mixed up in some bad shit. but he was actually kidnapped and tortured. like. idk. its just a lot.#like having shame of your actions when in reality this happened because of someone else#it really recontextualizes his whole life lol#also i think theres more that we dont know about. personally#personal#iwtv spoilers
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Honestly, every single time the whole 'poppy playtime is a bendy rip-off' stuff ever shows up I find it all extremely unconvincing and silly.
For one thing, rip-off usually is meant to imply that it's a cheap lazy copy of a better more polished thing, and uh. Sorry but even from chapter 1? Poppy Playtime is a better game than Bendy, it has a simple but understandable story, the game manages to be thrilling, creepy, and very intense at times... I mean that Huggy chase in the vents ALONE puts it way above Batim for me.
I mean BATDR had the most slow stupid chase I've ever seen [and every other encounter with the ink demon is text telling u he's there and then a timer goes down and u get jumpscared] and batim's chases were either silly or just not nearly as theatric or terrifying as that.
When making the vent sequence I mean not only is it absolutely horrifying to realize how fast Huggy is in there but also it's so theatric and cool? The fact that you round a corner after thinking you escaped only to see a terrifying animation of that thing crawling toward you is awesome! I wish Bendy had stuff like that!
And all the stuff it shares with Bendy are generic things Bendy ripped from other horror games/media anyways. I'm not saying Poppy Playtime isn't inspired by Bendy I for sure think it is but Bendy is such a generic story that somehow fails to do tropes 100 other horror games have done any comparison only makes Poppy Playtime look better.
"It has employees being sacrificed for their company" That is not a concept Bendy invented, literally look at any of the sci-fi horror series Bendy is very inspired by. This is literally a twist in the original Alien.
"It has a scary woman forcing you to do tasks for her" Once again, not a concept Bendy invented, a scary mysterious person forcing you to do fetch-quests is a concept found in tons of horror media. And at least Poppy Playtime gave you a chase with her and let you defeat her, look at poor malice. She's barely on screen for more than 10 minutes before she gets stabbed.
"It has a cult worshipping the monster" This is something tons of horror games and media have done too. I mean In The Tall Grass has a guy who worships a giant magical rock in the middle of a grass maze, Bioshock [which Bendy has only been taking more and more direct inspiration from while failing to grab any of the compelling parts] also had a lot of themes of religion and cult-ish behavior, almost every horror media franchise has at one point done a cult thing.
Bendy couldn't even come up with a reason Sammy worships the ink demon, the best motivation we've ever gotten is just that 'he's crazzyyyy the ink made him insaneeee'. Who is the cheap rip-off here?
At least Poppy Playtime gave their cultist a motive for worshipping the monster + a proper boss fight that feels intense and looks awesome! Bendy didn't even let you kill Malice [she got stabbed in front of you and then just collapsed on the floor how thrilling] meanwhile you get to kill three of the villains in Poppy Playtime and the gameplay and action in those scenes have only gotten better as the game went on.
I mean Sammy walks into a room and goes "AAA SCARY I'M BEING MURDERED" then later shows up and for NO REASON sees a normal human man and assumes it's the ink demon before once again someone else kills him for you. In Poppy Playtime you defeat Catnap as he floods the world with this horrible nightmare-inducing gas that intensifies the color palette and his design. Fight off versions of him that are illusions that you need your flare gun for, then watch in a wonderful animation as he mistakes the monster for his savior before getting killed by it, in a brutal way I might add, which game are we accusing of being cheap, lazy garbage again?
I just find this argument to be people who Really Really need to find a reason to hate Poppy Playtime which I think is silly. The devs being weird, shady people is already enough reason to dislike the game, you don't need to invent reasons why secretly every part of the game is malicious or bad. But esp when I see Bendy fans saying they don't support Poppy Playtime or dislike it bc of its devs or even saying its cringe ummmm.
I have bad news about the fact Bendy's devs are worse and it took not one, but TWO over an hour long videos to cover it all. Plus the Bendy games are just the worse games in every aspect, if I could sell my batim copy for a copy of Poppy Playtime I wouldn't hesitate at all.
Saying this as a bendy fan, we have no right to be super judgy towards Poppy Playtime. If Poppy Playtime is embarrassing cringe, Bendy is too and is way more embarrassing of an interest. We shouldn't spread misinformation just because we all want to hate Poppy Playtime, you can dislike Poppy Playtime without making up a bunch of nonsense to justify it.
Honestly seeing people just blatantly be unfairly mean to Poppy Playtime only makes its critics look worse and makes it hard to take any backlash to the games seriously. Because surprise surprise if you spread misinformation to make a point people will quickly stop listening to Anything you have to say bc they won't trust you're telling the truth anymore.
#feel free to reblog but Im not gonna tag this its way too rambley at least for my taste to go in the main tags#ramblez#also man can I say I didnt want to make this post super long but theres so many other points I could make in poppys favor#the fact we got to see the hour of joy and it was terrifying we dont even know if joey actually killed anyone anymore#the gameplay itself is more diverse and fun then batim which is a walking simulator that pretends to have fighting n stealth mechanics#at least Poppy n Missys friendship gives u a reason to care for missys safety before shes put in danger#Missy can actually express unlike Boris who sits there looking cute with no proper expressions until he gets yoinked and ur supposed to car#bc he was uh adorable? And therefore you spend an entire chapter tryna get him and get an extremely bad boss fight in return-#also soundtrack wise I like poppys tracks more theyre unique and fun and you can tell which part of the game they come from#bendy has so many dramatic reveal stingers and tracks that are really hard to tell which part of the game they come from#bertrums boss fight has my favorite theme bc its so specifically crafted for him and unique and meanwhile Norman has one of the worst imo#a lot of Bendys soundtrack if I played it for you right now it would be hard to guess where its from bc it all kinda sounds the same#the reveal music for the machine for bendy land for heavenly toys for alices domain all sound the same x_x#its just so frustrating but yeah my point is can we all stop making up new reasons to shit on poppy playtime its just kinda dumb#it feels less like actual criticism and at this point just feels like elaborate justification for cringe culture which I hate#okay thats it bye sorry this is 10 pages long-
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love how there are pretentious video essays that just repeat the book and meander and ramble about house of leaves. it's what zampanó would have wanted. it is not, however, what I want
#anyway i finished the main portion of the book#all i have left is the poems and a few other small things i think? ive read pelafinas letters#im thinking of getting the full book of her letters#but also they severely messed with my head so we'll see#i will say. i do get why ppl say the book is pretentious and frustrating#there was a lot of stuff where i couldnt tell if it was supposed to be satire or if it was genuinely just that dense and pretentious#and a lot of the codes were rly obtuse imo?#like... idk. some of them were super obvious like the sos stuff or pelafina outright saying what to do#but others like. man how am i supposed to know johnny waxing poetic about pussy was coded#i mean that one is also pointed out though much later but i know i missed a lot just like it that werent pointed out#and ive heard theres a lot of shit where the message you get is just danielewski????? which gonna be real. kinda dumb.#but i did also really enjoy the book#there was a lot of stuff in it that was just so compelling or poignant or whatever other word#the minotaur stuff is good (ofc id say that though i love me some minotaur themes)#also a lot of the scenes with johnny just...... christ#idk how ppl say to skip them hes so fascinating#yeah i could do with him talking about his possibly hallucinated sex life a bit less but also his story is just plain interesting#i still think about the part where the girl he was talking to runs over a dog they had picked up........ it was fucking chilling#and his hallucinations of dying are so descriptive in just the right way to get under my skin#the uncertainty with him and his family..... did pelafina try to kill him? did his father just send her away for being a bit too overbearin#over an accident? was there something else? what was the deal with his foster family? with lude? gdansk man and kyrie?#how did it get published? who are the editors? why did the band know of the book before it should have been published?#why does his journal section end with a story from a man he admits to making up completely? the doctor from seattle doesnt exist#the chronological end is more hopeful with him saying things will be okay but then he puts a previous entry after that?#i think the burning of the book parallels the story nicely#johnny said his piece; he nurtured the book as much as he could; but it was hurting him and he had to give up on it#idk!#this book does make me feel a lil dumb ngl
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having an oc story set this year is really fucked up bc i look at the calendar and i'm like "oh shit we got [character]'s death in a few days waow..."
#oc liveblogging#<- NEW TAG FOR DUMB SHIT!! ive decided. im going to speak ominously and with no context about things going on in my head#i really really reallyyyy wanna post more oc stuff soon bc theyre consuming my brain but i cannot draw cool refs and stuff fast enough#bc im busy as FUCKK 😭 BUT IM AN EXPERT AT SPEWING NO CONTEXT BULLSHIT SO LETSGO itll be really funny guys trust#i had to change timeline shit bc i realized a major plotpoint element would've been impossible bc it wouldnt have existed? so i had to shif#tho this does still work out to my benefit bc as im doing a huge overhaul of things i can draw on more recent experiences for inspo#bc lowkey funnily enough it IS recent circumstances that inspired me to start revamping a bunch of this shit in the first place#BUT YEAH NO IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD LOL. just knowing like a character's new bday is in a few days. and that they die like a week afterwards#biting shaking my cage UOUGGUUHHH i wanna say more but i also am notoriously bad. at actually saying more. theres a lot going on in here#i think if i do more of these it'll be funny bc its like 'what the hell is she talking abt' YOU'LL FIND OUT :3 maybe
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hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing
#haunted ecosystem#this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much.#im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3#like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art#but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good#im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.)#okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked#but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how#i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical#and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his.#whatever the fuck is wrong with him.#i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it#that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun#once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off#more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest#for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr#and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane!#ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp#it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.
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editing my pinned little by little as i get normaler over time there will likely never be a point where i am fully normal but i can dream
#it suckssss bc theres people where im like aww i wanna interact with them they seem fun & then the fucking problems arise#like mannnn come on.#i think its a lot more manageable when its someone who doesnt completely misinterpret him or like dumb him down to like 2 traits though#i try really hard not to do that myself but ik without explaining the whole of everything it can easily look like im off the shits#which i mean i am but like i swear theres a logic to how i depict him. okay. you do kinda need the whole context for it to make sense tho.#but like. idk people who i really dont like the media interpretations of... yeah ... makes it so so much worse.. probably for good reason#if you like him the wrong way i turn evil so so so so fast it never was & never will be funny how insane it drives me#if its someone who Seems to get it im like. okay. i can be reasonable. i can bypass this. i want to bypass this.#everyone else youre on your own
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Finally got to the Daybreak episode where Josh and Sam's romantic drama unfolds and let me just say. Sam Dean i would treat u so much better than this sad canadian boy. He is ruining our country's reputation for u
#that woman can do no wrong in my eyes#kinda sad theres not another season of this dumb show no one is ever talking abt#do recommend wholeheartedly its been a lot of fun#daybreak#my shit
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dont take my 911 cast postings as me defending rg bc hes said and done some shit i personally think is weird and fucked up but at the end of the day i am a 911 fan not an rg fan
#like ik i be posting abt him a lot but its less abt him and more abt the cast in general#theres also a reason i only call him rg and not his full name i dont want his name all over my blog yk#like idc if u hate him or whatever#i dont think ppl should defend his actions or anything but idk#discourse#this shit is so dumb bro but i just feel like i need to defend MYSELF BRO i hate the internet
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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