#There's that whole thing about. Overthinking what your book would be cancelled for if it were published and raked on twitter haha

[tracle0]

hello I am wandering into your askbox with request for A Ramble :D I have been thinkin about He (Cain) because I am a longtime member of the Cain fanclub n wanted to know if you could talk about his schizophrenia a little? I remember bits and bobs from way back when but ye I just wanna hear more about it, n whether it's changed since you first created him :3 also what's his favourite colour?

Ahh Cain yeah! He’s a guy I can! For sure chatter about him. For sure. You have indeed been a long term member, and I? Think? You were? What inspired me to give him? Schizophrenia? Man that’s wild. Mm. Okay! 

Cain himself has changed a lot since I first made him (which was! Maybe? Five years ago now?), and his schizophrenia has changed alongside that. Originally, when I talked about him more, he was a computer hacker and a bundle of paranoia and fresh prison escapee. These days, he’s? Mostly? Just a guy? Aspiring penetration tester, current psychology student, darling and wonderful twin brother.

In terms of his schizophrenia, it’s… mmm. Less? There? In the main main storyline? It’s mentioned and relevant at times for sure. A snippet from when he gets possessed that brings it up, here:

(I'm writing on my phone and have been for the past few months, it's the only thing that works these days, shhh).

So like. It’s bought up. He’s aware of it and sceptical of things, including things that get in his head and starts to try to tell him to do something, buuuuuut the infection is also in his head and, as a result, also aware of it and works around it and/or with it to get what it wants. As you can see, distinguished itself as separate from other hallucinated voices very quickly, cements itself as something to be trusted and listened to and, in time, obeyed, using anything it has at its disposal. Which is primarily, control and influence over his mind. 

So like. Example. Cain is sometimes paranoid about food - where it comes from, what’s in it, and how it could harm him. It’s something he’s worked on for a while, but when possessed, he starts to go “um hey actually I should stop this very long mission across the country and eat or sleep maybe?” It’s like. Hahahahaha!!! No???? What??? No!!! Keep going!!!! And just. Flickers that old paranoia until he’s like oh yeah you’re totally right I’ll keep going nvm 

At other times, though, the infection finds his schizophrenia to be a problem! A deterrent from what it needs doing - he’s spending energy and resources and thought on these delusions or worries, he’s struggling to speak correctly, and he’s not entirely trusting it as much as he should. So it. Just. Removes the symptoms. It’s a. Balance between what is useful to it, and what is a problem to it. 

The? Infections' main goal is to get to various statues of gods across the country. Anything that detracts from that is a problem. Cain needing to eat is a problem, so it removes the need for that. Cain needing to rest is a problem, so it removes the need for that. Cain struggling to get the right words across to tell someone they need to let him pass is a problem, so it removes that. 

This acts as a red flag for Theo nd Raya, our lovely main characters, in realising something is deeply wrong with Cain after being possessed - he’s usually apathetic, very blank face a lot of the time. With this infection (it’s, uh, name is the Blight I’m just gonna say that haha), he starts to express more, which very much concerns them, because he doesn’t. He doesn’t do that???? If he’s comfortable with you he’ll just :| or >:| and be happy with that? Why is he smiling? Why is he snarling? That’s? Not? Right?????? 

I will also say that his schizophrenia is quite important to the. Backstory? Context? … Lore???? The background of Theo nd Cains's relationship. Theo, obviously, is a prophet, the last voice of the gods, seer of the past and future. All these fun things that he hates. He reports these as voices and visions he sees in his dreams and trudges through life, irked that he has to manage them. At first, Cain is. Indifferent about them. Just a thing Theo does, who cares. When he starts to hear voices, he starts to care a little more, though. Asks questions about it. Gets the details. And slowly, a delusion starts to form that - hey, your brother is a prophet. So are you. Listen to these voices, hear what the universe tells you, it’s important. 

It is made about a million times worse by the fact that, upon hearing this thought, Theo encourages it. 

He’s got this Thing that he’s been alone with for so long, to have someone - his brother, even! - Share in it? A dream come true! (Not that kind of dream). So Cain spirals a fair bit, struggles a fair bit, is finally caught for what the problem is and, to a degree, shuns his brother. Doesn’t… actively blame him, because he can recognise that he didn’t do it maliciously, but the damage was still done and he was absolutely a catalyst in it. Theo is asked to leave home. Theo leaves home. Comes back for a visit, is a day late, and - ah, Cain is mistaken for his brother, kidnapped, and possessed by the Blight in his place. And then we kick off our plot.

So like? The story is very much about the final echoes of a dead religion, the prophet sent to try and preserve it, and the inhumanity he faces as a result of what he was born as. It's very much a story of this divine infection, created for a specific purpose and then hated for fulfilling it, discarded and left to rot, and its next attempt to be noticed, to be loved. And it's very much a story about the incredible damage someone close to you can do with all good intentions, and a process of forgiveness for? Both? Brothers? Sorry I sent you away. Sorry I hurt you like that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That got. Long. My bad. Uh! Colour! Cain is actually fully colour-blind, so? He? Doesn't have one. During his possession, the Blight sloooooowly gives him the ability to see golds and yellows, because that's the colour it claims, so? Gold? I suppose? Is his default favourite :)?

[persephoneflouwers]

I have eyes everywhere. On every blog. 💀 When harry had to cancel some tour dates, the reaction was “Poor babe. He’s sick. I hope he can rest and get well soon 🥺” not a single fan said “he doesn’t give a shit about fans who spent money on plane tickets, hotel, cars, trains, ships, spaceships, ufos etc... now it’s all Louis’ fault. “Fans need an explanation. They need to know why he canceled a whole tour is asia. They need to know. This is so poorly written. His team needs to let fans know. Louis needs to come to my house and tell me why TF he canceled a tour is Asia! His tweet was so fake. He doesn’t care. Why is he acting like he’s canceling a Saturday night with his friends? LOL” and I’m here thinking...you don’t deserve to be his fans. “Leave this guy alone. Forget about him.” At the end of the day, these people can only criticize him. We don’t know what really happened. Why he canceled that tour. It’s wrong that it happened all of a sudden. I feel sorry for his fans. I’m sure he’s sorry too because he Couldn’t wait way to get back on tour. All I see his fake trolls saying “he canceled because he didn’t sell enough tickets” and I’m here saying “he even sold the tickets to your parents!!! That wasn’t the problem!” Something happened. Who knows what. But this “louis is this. Louis is that. I’m so disappointed...” sounds like the usual non larries/louies pretending to be fans. Just to spread hate. And certain blogs let them do that.

You were doing so great lmao then you dropped the “you don’t deserve to be his fan” and fucking hell, nope nope nope. You don’t get to say things like this. I’m sorry, but there are upset people who haven’t ever had the chance to see him. So, if they are disappointed for how poorly it all was managed, they have all the rights. We need to stop with these excuses. They’re big boys who know the pressure they are under.

He’s always there saying he loves his fans, he owns his fans everything and wouldn’t be here without them and then when unforeseen circumstances happen, it’s 🦗🦗🦗🦗. It’s a tweet, guys. It takes 2 minutes tops to type 140 characters on twitter where you mention 1. Your Asian fans 2. What was wrong. As I said in tags, he really went on instagram posting his xrays to say he was sorry for the London shows, but when a whole tour leg is cancelled, you type… that? People will find it weird. People will be upset. The fandom police should stop saying “you’re less of a fan for saying this or saying that” because fuck it, that’s not how it works. I think explaining what went wrong would do him no harm, because fans would understand and support him next time he goes in Asia, for example. You don’t have to say the actual truth… you have to sound credible and honest. That’s it. Otherwise next time your fans will think twice to spend money on your tickets, knowing there is a possibility for whatever reason that the show will be cancelled. Because the problem is not about the tickets per se, it’s all that comes with a show: booking hotels, flights, trains or whatever. And fine, that’s our problem if the show gets cancelled but you bet I would overthink until the next time I book something again for another show in general lol this is not a cult. You don’t happen to be blindly devoted, you have to pay back the support and loyalty with respect and empathy.

Don’t get me wrong. Things like this happen all the time. My maneskin show was postponed like three times for two years. Lewis Capaldi postponed it too. Shawn cancelled his tour, Stromae did et cetera et cetera. But he was in Tokyo saying he was excited for tour just a few weeks ago and now this? It’s upsetting and of course people will demand answers. Some people act like this privacy thing is the biggest deal ffs it’s just about being professional.

And I agree with the pressure part. I said it in tags a few posts below. It is tiring to always have to defend him from people calling him a flop or asking too much from him, but saying something more about why all of your shows in Asia got cancelled? This is not too much.

[sofoulandfairaday]

Forgive me if you've already said this, but where can I read your fics? Your opinions are always very interesting and I am intrigued to see them developed into a story.

Ya can’t lmao

No, see, I mostly write for myself because I enjoy it and therefore it’s shameless self-indulgent content. I cry when writing sad scenes, I giggle at the crack-y ones, I get flustered with the smut, I spend hours researching the little details like book titles and whether jasmine grows in Venice or not and what the magical hierarchy of cities is and how dark magic can also heal and not just destroy and how not to make the characters overpowered because that is such a pet peeve of mine. It’s very VERY specific to my taste and I overthink every single word I write (yes, the curtains are yellow for a reason). I do have a very long 50+ chapter WIP which will maybe be published when finished. Since every fucking chapter is about 8K words long it will never be finished and no one will ever bother reading it ihihihihi.

(Just publish the first chapters!, you say. I wish I could write linearly, I reply)

Also, there is another HUGE problem. Most of my stuff is written in Italian. The very few excerpts on here are translated. Do you know how hard it is to try and convey the precise feelings you had when writing something, the word plays and the very specific descriptions in another language? It’s a whole job, and a boring one most of the time, which means that my Anna Karenina length fucking fan fiction (not even close to finished) has to be translated by me in my nonexistent down time. Also, I used to be one of those people who bitched about GRRM, but MAN my story has maybe spiralled into 100 different directions and I have no idea which version of the characters I want to stick to, what order I want to give certain events, and if they are IC or not anymore. Can you tell that I’m a perfectionist and I make even fun things unfunny?

Which is also why I’m so behind with the fics I want to read and review both in eng and ita. I DO see the new stuff published and I have NO time to look at it let alone tell the author what I think.

(Also I erase half of what I write because cringe and I have a self-insert OC - double cringe - that was meant to be a fun minor wink wink character in two (2) chs that has become important so now it CAN’T be a self-insert and i have to make psychologically complex except now she’s too bitchy and then she’s not bitchy enough to the point she is nothing like me now which kind of invalidates the point entirely. Also, I hate everybody else’s OCs so why should my writing have one when I could concentrate on other characters?? Except I can’t give her role to anyone else unless I rewrite half of the whole thing so I am stuck and-)

When Olivia Rodrigo said and I hate every song I write and I’m not cool and I’m not smart (and I can’t even parallel park) that’s me :))))

I am so sorry anon by the way this wasn’t meant to be a rant you’ve just opened Pandora’s box and now I’m afraid I come off as a little unhinged. I am honestly flattered that you would send this, bless you. You’re my favourite ❤️

WITH THAT BEING SAID, there is something of mine on the internet (most of it SUCKS). Unless you know Italian you won’t be able to read it though. My account on a very popular Italian fanfic site still has my old little Bellamort song fics from when I was 13 (I can’t even bring myself to cancel them because cancelling them would mean opening them and opening them means I combust from the cringe). My views of the characters have also changed and I stand by NOTHING lmao. There is also some new stuff which is all smut (some I’m proud of and some I’ll delete as soon as I get over myself and just open the damn site) and maybe one (1) one-shot that I’m actually proud of.

And in English? The only thing that has ever been translated in English as of now is 8K+ words of filthy (and I mean filthy) PW very little P smut which I will not link on an account that actual people from my actual offline life might find (it’s hard enough to explain what’s on here) . However if you know me it’s not impossible to track down (or you can just dm me). There is no deeper meaning or philosophical themes or anything like that tho; if you’re attracted to my thoughtful metas where I quote and dissect the book passages or my quirky headcanons where I tease the characters, this is not that. This is just them fucking.

Sorry ❤️

[sunatooru]

Hewwo :3 I won't lie i saw this idea in an another blog but i loved it too much. Headcanons for Suna, Tanaka, Aone and Kita's reaction if their s/o acts weird and suspicious like she is hiding something and cancel their dates for a week. Then she text them "we need to talk" and they think she'll break up with them, she starts to talk like a break-up speech and they got scared, say something like "we can talk, please don't break-up with me" she says "what? I was just trying to propose marriage!"

Hii I love this idea! If you could tell me where you first read this I would love to read it and see the boys worrieddd and if you see this interact! (I love angsty stuff) x

Hope you enjoyyy and also I have no reason why some are long and some aren’t xx

Suna

* You hadn't replied to him in 5 hours

* He knew you could be busy, I mean you both usually are, but it's almost tradition that you send an "I love you sleepy" at this time

* He has noticed that your conversations have gotten shorter

* He thinks you're probably stressing out and doesn't want to press you

* He tries to set up a date, booking a private dinner room in hopes of relaxing you

* You had an excuse on why you couldn't

* He'll send you morning texts and general messages but you'll rarely reply

* He's not loving the distance

* He decided to go to Osamu's shop and bring you some onigiri

* What he didn't expect was to see you hugging Osamu as he closes the shop

* He's having so many thoughts right now as he walks back to his house that he doesn't realise the buzz of his phone

* It's only a shower later he sees you've messaged him

* "Hey, we need to talk"

* No emoji, no nickname, no suggestions that this is not a break up text

* He could barely sleep, had to force himself to open the door when the knocking woke him

* He felt his heart freeze at the sight of you, your hand fidgeting with your sleeves as you nibble your lips

* He didn't want you to leave him, not when he's loved you so hard, not when he knows he'll never love anyone like he has you

* And then you start to speak, he has to control the pain beginning to ache in his heart

* "So I know we've been together for a long time now and it has been amazing. You're amazing and I hope what I say next doesn't change your view of me because I-"

* "Please don't leave me!" His voice cracked at the end and your eyes widen

* "What?" And you see him looking at you sadly

* "I- please don't break up with me...I can't...even if you like Osamu..I can't love anyone else." Hug him please

* "Rin what? I'm not breaking up with you! I'm trying to propose!" You comfort him and he's shocked

* "What..? But what about last night at Miya's?" "I obviously wanted your best friends help, I'm been trying to propose for days but end up ignoring you. I'm sorry baby."

* God he's softly chuckling now

* "Yes" He grins, kissing the corner of your lips

* "I haven't asked yet"

* "Doesn't matter. It's always been yes."

Tanaka

* You're already his life partner in his eyes, adores you and always messages you

* Gets so excited to communicate to you in any way

* So he's not sure what's he's done to receive the cold shoulder from you

* Everything was smooth sailing until a week ago

* You suddenly stopped receiving his calls, choosing to text and even then they were short

* You've cancelled on him twice already

* Both reasons being you was busy

* Too busy for him?

* He tries not to overthink anything of it

* Doesn't allow doubt to creep in knowing that you two were strong, right?

* But then he notices how your calls with him got shorter, your texts becoming less frequent

* He would zone out thinking about what's going on with you two

* He would reread over you texts

* Gets a little depressed when he realises something is wrong

* He can feel a heat creep into chest, tightening when he sees your latest text

* "We should talk"

* His heart just cracked, he's pacing in his room

* He's not ready, you're his one, he's crying at the thought of you not wanting him anymore

* A day later he sees you in his living room

* His anxiety shoots up the moment you open your mouth, he closes his eyes

* "Don't break up with me!"

* "Huh?" He opens his eyes, you're on one knee as you have a ring box open

* "I've never wanted to. I'm sorry for being distant... I was nervous. Would you marry me?"

* He's crying, relief spreading around him, he digs into his pocket and kneels in front of you

* "I've been saving this for months. I'll take you if you take me."

* I headcanon Tanaka carrying a ring always once he knows you're the one

Aone

* He picked you were acting strange recently

* You would greet him fast and leave faster

* He doesn't really understand what's happening

* As a way to have you around him more he offers you dates

* "There is a new restaurant, so you want to go?" "Sorryyy I'm really busy today but maybe next time!"

* "It's hot today, I can buy you ice cream?" "That would be nice! but I just need to finish stuff"

* He's starting to feel neglected. A whole week has gone by and he hasn't seen you

* He's feeling pain

* He frowns when he sees his lock screen of you

* Starts to write a message but then deletes it

* He doesn't even know who to talk to about it, his sister? His friends? His pet?

* If it he could, he can't voice his concerns, as if he doesn't know if his voice can handle the words or his feelings

* Doesn't know how he ended up thinking about you not wanting to be with him anymore

* "We need to talk" his chest tightens, for some reason those words have him sad

* A day passes and all he can think about is what you want to say, doesn't realise his vision starting to blur until he he feels a tear run down his cheek

* Stares at the ceiling and frowns, he would never hurt you, so why are you?

* The next day you arrive at his home

* He welcomes you silently and senses that your feeling jittery

* "We can talk but please don't break up with me.." he needed to speak first

* "Aone?! Baby no what? I don't.. don't want to break up...I was just trying to surprise you." You mumble

* "I love you. Will you marry me?"

* Enjoy his crushing hug, never worry him again please

Kita

* He knew something was up the minute you didn't send him a good morning text

* He knew something was wrong when you didn't replace the text with kissing and heart emojis

* He knew something was wrong when he felt his head get heavy when you didn't send him a single text the whole day

* When you did finally message him he was relieved but still concerned

* You ended up meeting the next day but he could tell you were acting strange

* You seemed to avoid his gaze, barely relax around him, wouldn't even hold his hand for longer than 5 seconds

* He was not happy, why won't you let him hold you?

* Starts to get annoyed when you pay more attention to your phone then him

* Tries to glance at it but you're fast to not let him see and point to something else

* This goes on for days

* Except he hadn't seen you in those days

* You've either seen his message to meet late or have a reason why you can't

* Reasons he does not believe

* Tries to call you but you decline

* What? He's apprehensive now

* You've never declined before, what's going on

* He start to overthink, do you not like him anymore? Is there someone else?

* Tries to run his errands but can't do a complete job without his thoughts going back to you

* Thinks about how you've been tense around him, less touchy, secretive and he wants to know why

* He want to know why you have been distancing yourself from him

* Why when he thinks about you this last week he feels like crying

* He's suspicious and doesn't want to be

* He thinks about the things he lacked

* The things he couldn't give you that you wanted

* He's fragile but he doesn't want to give you up

* "Can we talk later?" He should feel happy you messaged him but why is he feeling uncertain? Why does he want later to never come?

* And now you're in front of him

* "Shinsuke, I know I haven't been talking to you recently but I've just had things on my mind. I really wanted to talk to you earlier but I just got nervous. You know I love you and we've been together for a while now but-"

* "Please..don't break up with me.." he lets out a sob and your eyes widen

* "Kita no no I'm just trying to propose! Please..don't cry please" you rush to comfort him

* "Propose?" "Uh yeah I was waiting until the ring was done by the jewellers but then got scared you might say no.."

* "Why would I say no?" You raise your brows at him

* "Silly, when have I ever said no to you" he chuckles and then kisses you

[hxneydreamers]

Hey I hope ur doing good!

I've been trying to manifest a bunch of stuff for more than a month and I've tried every technique I've seen but my desires still haven't appeared. And I've been acting as if I have them for a month and I haven't been stressing or anything yet nothing's worked out. I've decided to stop believing in manifesting and I just wanted to tell this to someone:')

Hey! Thank you!

I'm so sad to hear this.

I think (to be completely honest, please don't take offence to this, I'm just offering my advice, because I feel like you maybe don't understand manifesting completely) that actual reason it hasn't worked IS that you were trying so many different techniques.

It seems to me like you were overthinking this way too much, because there is only one way to manifest, and trying every 'technique' in the book, and 'acting as if' is literally the surest way to NOT get your desire.

I understand that you are frustrated and you feel like you have tried everything, but I think you should take a pause, take a deep breath, and review what you have done. You'll see that what you were doing was not what you were supposed to do to manifest your desires.

Also, if you can 'decide' to stop believing in manifesting, then you can 'decide' to believe it in. Your beliefs are what manifest. Not your actions or you lack of stress.

If you aren't stressing, that's good, but it doesn't do anything. The only thing that manifests is you PERSISTING IN AFFIRMING/THINKING THAT YOU HAVE YOUR DESIRE. And more important that this, FOCUSING ON YOUR SELF-CONCEPT AS A PRIORITY.

I can 100% guarantee that the reason you didn't see movement is because you were impatient (thus giving up after only a month, which is really like 3 and a half weeks), and as a result, were very likely checking the 3D and reacting to it without noticing, and most importantly, because whenever you tried a new technique, you would start from square one.

Every time you try a new technique, you are starting from the beginning. And also, if you don't use one 'technique' only and stick to it consistently, then guess what? You are not focusing on one thing. Your DOMINANT FOCUSES AND THOUGHTS ARE WHAT MANIFEST SIS! If your focus and approach is constantly shifting, then guess what? Your desire will not change, because it can only change if you CONSISTENTLY FOCUS ON THE NEW VERSION OF IT THAT YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE, BY USING ONE METHOD.

The ONLY way to manifest your desires is to:

- Change your current beliefs about yourself and your desire by thinking as if (not act as if) your desire is already true. This means use affirmations, cancel out ANY opposing thought you have about your desire, and NOT mentally reacting to the 3D.

- Building up your self-concept by affirming for your self-concept in order to change your story, recreate yourself and become the version of yourself who HAS your desire.

You really need to remember that manifesting is not about changing anything outside of you. Manifesting is about CHANGING YOURSELF, and BECOMING THE VERSION OF YOU WHO HAS YOUR DESIRE. No, I don't mean you need to start to act like you have it, what I mean is that you need to COMPLETELY CHANGE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS about yourself and your desire to align with HAVING your desire and BEING THE PERSON WHO HAS IT! This means that the ONLT THING YOU NEED TO DO IS THINK. THATS THE ONLY TECHNIQUE YOU NEED TO USE.

Almost every time someone comes to me to manifest something, the reason they need to 'manifest it' is because they have a low self concept, OR a good self concept, but one that does not align with the person they would be if they had their desire.

What this means is this:

Let's use an example. Let's say you want to manifest an SP to love you and commit to you. Let's say you already think highly of yourself and you have good beliefs about yourself mostly, so you may feel like you already have a good self-concept. BUT for some reason, your SP just doesn't love you or commit to you in the 3D, even though you think your self-concept is good.

This means that (even though your general self concept is good), whats wrong here is that you need to address your beliefs about yourself that directly correlate to the topic of your desire.

So with the SP example, you may think that you are the most beautiful person in the world and that you are the whole package, but you may also have negative beliefs about yourself in relationships, or you may have past experiences that make you feel like, even though you are the whole package, you aren't someone who is loved and committed to for some reason. You may also have negative beliefs about your SP because of their past/current actions towards you or other people.

What you need to do is address these specific issues, because THESE are the beliefs which manifest.

This is all you need to do.

You don't need a million techniques. You don't need to act as if. You don't need to drink moon water. You don't need to get a tarot reading. You don't need to do a 55x5. You don't need to use the '369 method' or whatever it is. None of this is what manifests.

All you need to do is THINK AS IF YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR DESIRE.

You need to train yourself to become aware of your thoughts throughout the day, and whenever you notice a thought about your desire that doesn't line up with what you want to manifest, you need to immediately cut it off as soon as you notice, and replace it with your affirmations. Affirm on a loop until you feel like you can stop. Don't look outside yourself for evidence of your desire. Don't check the 3D. Don't ask a psychic. Don't get a tarot reading. Don't ask your SP if he loves you yet. Don't check your bank account to see if you got the money yet. YOU DON'T NEED TO CHECK THE 3D IN ANY WAY, BECAUSE THE 3D IS ONLY A REFLECTION OF YOU AND YOUR INNER BELIEFS.

ALSO, girl, a month? If you were trying a million different techniques and acting as if, but approaching all these things with the mindset of 'this will get me my manifestation', then I hate to say it, but you have completely missed the point.

The point is that you aren't doing anything to GET your manifestation. Your manifestation is not something that hasn't happened yet. Your manifestation is not something that is outside of you. Your manifestation is not out of your reach. You manifestation is already done. Creation is finished. Your manifestation already exists. ALL possibilities that you can think of already exist. The only thing you need to do is STEP INTO THE VERSION OF YOURSELF THAT HAS THIS DESIRE IN THEIR 3D REALITY.

You basically need to start thinking opposite thoughts to what you are currently thinking and you need to pretty much think as if you are living in a completely different 3D than you actually are right now, because consistently thinking as if you have your desire IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL BRING YOU YOUR DESIRE.

Also, you need to be patient and allow time for everything in the 3D to shift and move to bring you your desire. You can't just do a technique and then be like 'where is it? Did it work?'. This mentality is a sure path to failiure.

Neville Goddard even said that to become the new version of yourself, you need the old version to die. (I don't have the direct quote with me right now) BUT what this means is that if you really want to manifest your desire, you have to be willing to completely abandon the current version of yourself who does not have their desire, and start creating a new version of yourself who DOES, and who is powerful and knows that they can have anyone and anything they want, because everything starts inside of you!

EVERYONE IS YOU PUSHED OUT, so nothing in your reality will change in any way until YOU change. YOU NEED TO BE THE CHANGE THAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOUR LIFE.

If you want your desire, you need to work on your self-concept STRICTLY. You need to prioritise working on your self-concept and only using one method. No more 'techniques'. Techniques are literally a waste of your time and will only make you more frustrated because they won't work, and if they do work, they will work slowly.

The only thing that decides if you get your desire is YOU. If YOU become the version of yourself who has it - if YOU change your SUBCONSCIOUS beliefs about yourself, your life, and your desire. This is what you need to do, and this is ALL you need to do.

I really hope that you decide to give this a proper go using the ACTUAL methods and techniques, because i can guarantee you that you will see a difference if you do it and do it properly.

I literally have clients who, when they came to me, where genuinely all over the place with 0 belief and had been trying for MONTHS with NO MOVEMENT. These were people who would come back to be reaffirming the old story literally every few hours. Fast forward literally 2 weeks after taking my instruction and cancelling out all the BS that does not work or serve them or their goals, and they have already had amazing progress and movement. AFTER MONTHS OF NOTHING.

You need to do your self-concept affirmations as a priority, affirm for your desire EVERY TIME you think of it, STAY AWARE OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND FLIP ANY NEGATIVE OR OPPOSING THOUGHTS AND AFFIRM INSTEAD, and not react to or check the 3D. This is all you need to do

If you decide to give yourself a chance and believe in yourself - because at the end of the day the only thing that decides if you manifest successfully or not is YOU, not the universe - and apply the only method you need: 'thinking as if' and you PERSIST, you WILL get your desire AND become the strongest and best version of yourself.

I really beg you to reconsider and give it a go, because I guarantee you that you were not focusing on the right things and you were so focused on the techniques that you lost sight of the only thing you needed to do, which was focus on YOURSELF and BEING (MENTALLY) THE PERSON WHO HAS YOUR DESIRE.

You don't need to 'act' as if. You don't need to try techniques. You just need to think the thoughts that you would be thinking if you already had your desire. Step into the version of yourself who has already succeeded, and PERSIST IN THIS NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER WHAT!

NO

MATTER

WHAT!

You will be successful if you do this.

I'm sending you all my love and support and I realllyyyyyyyyyy hope that you decide to do it. I would much rather you be bettering yourself and improving your self-concept, whilst simultaneously getting your desires, than giving up and letting yourself fall victim to your 3D circumstances and negative beliefs.

Best wishes and good vibes. You can do this. If I can, you can. If my clients can, so can you. <3

[justkending]

The Number One Rule. Chapter 17.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 4700+

A/N: Ah yes... It’s time to trap an angry brother...

Chapter Seventeen:

“Steven Rogers, you are not canceling on me again. I’ve seen you a total of 3 times in the past two week,” Sarah scolded into the phone. 

There was a pause as Steve talked on the other line. Y/N watching from the side. Her teeth nervously biting her thumb nail waiting to see if their plan would work. 

“No, your sister has something planned. Something about going up to see Wanda and helping her with nursery decorating,” Sarah lied effortlessly. She really had planned this all out. Turning to her daughter she saw her nervous nail biting, and swiped at her hand, giving her an eye. 

Y/N frowned at the movement and moved to cross her arms tightly around her. 

“Ok, good. I’ll be seeing you at six tonight then. Don’t be late,” the older blonde nodded. “Hm mm, I love you too, sweetheart… Ok, bye.” Pressing the red button, ending the call, she turned to her daughter. “He’s not getting out of this one. We’re fixing this mess.”

“I hope so…” Y/N sighed. 

A wave of relief came over at finally being able to talk this out with Steve, but with it a wave of anxiety hit too. As much as she was upset with Steve for acting the way he was, she understood that in the end, they had hurt his feelings. He was upset and disheartened that two of the closest people in his life, hid such a big thing from him and didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell him first hand. 

“Hey, don’t overthink it. You two are family. Family that has been through thick and thin. If he isn’t ok with you being happy, then I’ll give him a nice smack on the back of the head to knock some sense into him,” Sarah reassured, placing a hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “I raised him better than to act like this.”

“I know… It’s just,” she paused. 

“You feel bad,” Sarah finished for her. “And in a sense you should.”

“Mom!”

“Hey, I never said I was picking sides. The way I see it, you both didn’t handle this situation well,” she shrugged, moving to the kitchen to make some tea. Y/N following slowly behind her. “You and Bucky should have just talked with Steve about things to begin with.”

“But-”

“I wasn’t done,” she stopped raising a finger. Y/N sighing and nodded her on as she sat at the kitchen table. “But, I understand where both of you were coming from. You were worried about his reaction, and from what I heard how it did end up playing out, I understand why you were worried. However,” she continued, pouring the water from the kettle into two ceramic mugs with tea bags. “I think if you brought it up and had an actual sit down conversation, things wouldn’t have escalated how they did.”

“We were worried that if things didn’t work out with us, then Steve would have that weird gap to work between us and it would just make things more awkward in the future. We thought it better to leave him out of it until we were further into the relationship ourselves,” Y/N defended. 

“And I see your reasoning there. Which is what you need to tell Steve. He needs to realize what you thought you guys were doing, was to keep him safe and not that you didn’t trust him,” Sarah nodded, bringing the two mugs over to the table and giving Y/N one. “But you know Steve. He has a big heart just like your father. One that holds a lot of love for those around him, and given what’s happened, that heart that sits on his sleeve was wounded.”

“I know, Ma. I’m not happy with myself either. Bucky and I both feel shitty,” she sighed stirring some honey into the tea, but never actually taking a sip. 

“Have you told Bucky about our little plan?”

“Um, to an extent. I just let him know that I was going to talk to him. Bucky asked if I wanted him to join because he wanted to talk to Steve too, but I think I need to talk to him first as his sister.”

“Probably a good idea,” Sarah nodded. 

They stayed in silence for a second. Y/N never stopped stirring her tea as she looked off in the distance, no doubt playing the night out in her head. Sarah knew that her daughter just needed to have a second to think. 

“I should probably start cooking dinner though. He said he’ll be here at 6 and it’s already 4,” her mom noted looking at the clock. “What are you going to do?”

“Uh, I was just going to hang out in my room and do some work until he got here, but I actually need to run an errand. I’ll try and get back before he gets here so I don’t scare him off,” Y/N sighed standing and wrapping her arms back around herself. 

“Ok,” Sarah nodded going to the fridge to start on the meal. “Park your car in the garage when you get back.”

“Got it,” Y/N nodded, grabbing her keys and  heading out. 

__________

Y/N went about her errands, running to the pharmacy for a prescription, a quick run to work to grab some books she forgot, and a quick stop at the grocery store to get one last special thing…

But as the fates would have it, she pulled around the corner just as Steve was parking. He was a whole 30 minutes early. 

And the attempt to drive away, in hopes he didn’t notice and circle back around, was pointless. Because they made awkward eye contact and Steve became stiff immediately. 

“Shit,” Y/N groaned, stopping her car right in front of the driveway. 

They had a quick stare off. For a second just blank faces and the next Steve looked full on infuriated and started marching back to his car. 

Not letting it be that easy for him to have a clean getaway, and being the petty little sister she was, she quickly went to park behind him. She stepped out of the driver side immediately. 

“Move your car, Y/N,” he groaned, sending her a glare. 

“No,” she said stubbornly. 

“Y/N, I’m not messing around. Move your car or else I will,” he said straightening his pose and walking to her car. But she matched his step. Was he forgetting that she had learned all her stubbornness from him. The two were two stubborn mules going head to head, and these jackasses weren't letting up on the other. 

“I’m bigger and stronger than you,” he countered.

“Oh, wow. Great point there Captain obvious,” she jeered. “But not going to happen. We need to talk,” she said, standing her ground and crossing her arms with a straight face. 

“I don’t want to talk,” Steve said, moving closer to her. 

The two were now mere inches from being chest to chest, Y/N staring straight up at him and Steve looking down. If it had been anyone else under each of their stares, the person would have melted to the floor or ran the opposite direction and never stopped. 

These two had been doing this since the dawn of time though, and neither was even close to relenting. 

“Sucks because we’re going to,” she shrugged. 

“Key’s Y/N. Now,” he commanded. Almost as if he was a Captain and she was a soldier beneath him. 

“It’s funny you think that voice works on me. You should know I’ve become immune to it over the years by now,” she said with a smirk only making him more angry. 

“Give me the-,” he resorted to grabbing her arms and trying to pry the keys out of her hands. 

“No!” she shouted fighting back and turning her back to him to keep him from grabbing anything from her. 

“Y/N, I swear to God,” he groaned as she elbowed him in the stomach and he started to pull her arms back in an attempt to pin them behind her and snag the keys. But she folded over, burrowing her hands toward her stomach and making it harder to get to them. 

“You’re not supposed to swear to God! That’s bad juju, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes,” she mocked. 

The two were in a full on wrestling match that was somehow moving to the lawn as Y/N kept trying to run off, and Steve followed eventually grabbing her around the waist and picking her off the ground.

“I’m not playing Y/N! This isn’t a joke!” he groaned just as she started kicking wildly to get him to release her.

“I’m not laughing, am I?” she screamed as he became close to winning. “No!” Y/N shouted. Her arms now pinned to her side, but the death grip she had on the keys in her hand was all she was worried about. 

“Y/N Josephine Rogers! Steven Grant Rogers! Stop it right now!” 

The two froze in their fight. Steve was holding Y/N around her middle about 2 feet off the ground. Y/N knees still trying to tuck into her chest to form herself into a ball and keep the treasure away. She was completely engulfed by him still as she turned to the sound of her name. 

“I will not have you making a scene on my lawn. You two are not children anymore. Get your grown adult asses inside! Now.” 

If Sarah Roger’s was cussing, you know you’re in deep shit. And the tone she had, matched with the deadly stare she wore, was terrifying enough to make a thief go back and apologize for robbing a bank. 

“Yes ma’am,” they both said quietly. 

Their mom gave them one last hard stare before stomping back inside in complete frustration and disappointment. 

“Look what you did,” Y/N groaned when Steve finally put her down. “If she still has the wooden spoon from back in the day, we aren’t going to be able to sit down for the next week,” she said, brushing herself off. 

Steve looked down at her not amused and rolled his eyes before he stomped up the porch himself. 

“Geez, you try to lighten the mood a little,” she scoffed before following slowly after. 

Once the two were inside, Steve refused to get within a 6 foot radius of Y/N. The brooding stare he had plastered on him was only furthering his intentions of showing how unhappy he was. 

“Mom, he won’t stop staring at me like I kicked a puppy,” Y/N said in an irritated tone as she stayed by the threshold of the kitchen and Steve leaned back on the sink across the room. 

“Y/N, sit down,” Sarah instructed, pointing the wooden spoon in hand toward the table. The ire in her voice was very clear and very scary. 

Y/N didn’t hesitate to follow instructions. That wooden spoon meant business. 

When she sat and looked back at Steve, he had a cocky grin on his lips at her being scolded like a child. But before he could get too comfortable, Sarah turned to him.

“You too. Don’t think for a second you’re in the clear, mister.”

Y/N choked back a laugh at the terror in his eyes as he watched the spoon carefully like the weapon it was when being wielded in her hands. He sent her a quick glare before begrudgingly sitting in the seat in front of her. 

“Now, I’m going to make a plate and we’re going to sit down and have a nice family dinner. Understand?” she asked without looking back. 

“Yes ma’am,” they both sighed. 

“Good,” she nodded, grabbing plates. 

“Uh, ma?”

“Yes?”

“I have some things in the car I need to get or…” Y/N paused looking at Steve who had switched to avoiding eye-contact with her. “Well, it can’t sit out in the car.”

“You’re excused,” Sarah nodded. “But don’t piddle around.”

“Ok,” Y/N nodded before quickly going back to her car and putting the things she needed into the fridge out in the garage. 

“You set me up,” Steve said once she was out of the room and he heard the front door shut.

“Yes. And?” 

“Really, Ma? Why’d you lie and tell me she wasn’t going to be here?” he groaned with an irked attitude. 

“Watch your tone,” she warned. “And I lied because apparently you don’t remember what I taught you about having an adult discussion when you’re upset instead of pouting. Especially with your family.”

Steve caught on quickly seeing his mother knew more of the situation than he figured. “You know?”

“I’m not blind, Steven.”

“And you’re not upset?” he asked, confused. 

Sarah stopped placing the food on her plate and turned to him. She saw the pain in his eyes. The hurt from the whole situation. She let out a sigh and dropped the hard act just a tad. 

“Steven, I haven’t seen your sister this kind of happy since her junior year,” she answered, looking around the corner to make sure Y/N wasn’t back in yet. “I know she had a great time overseas and with college, but this is a different kind of happiness. One that I’m not going to question.”

“Did she tell you?” he asked, wanting to know if he was just the odd one out. 

“No, I just have a mother’s intuition,” she smiled, walking over and placing a hand on his shoulder. “But we have talked and I’ve heard her reasoning. All I’m asking for tonight is that you do that same. You can’t be mad at someone or judge another if you don’t know their side of the story. I’ve taught you better than that,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Am I wrong?”

He didn’t answer immediately. He was slipping from angry back to upset and defeated. Eventually he nodded and relaxed more in his chair. 

Y/N came back in and the two looked up at her. She slowly walked back to her chair, but paused before sitting down. 

“Need help with anything mom?” she asked in the weird silence.

“No, dear. I’m ok. I’ll actually take my plate to the study, you guys stay here,” she instructed, grabbing utensils for herself and a napkin with her plate.

“Wait-” Y/N said, all of a sudden nervous being left alone with her brother. 

“This is not my conversation to be had. This is between you two,” she pointed before walking out of the room. “I will say this,” she turned back. “No one’s leaving until this is resolved. I’m not going to have my children hate each other or act like their still in middle school, you hear me?” she pointed to them both. 

They looked at each other for a second, silently communicating before turning back to their mom.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. I’ll be in the other room if you need me,” she smiled softly before finally disappearing. 

Awkward tension almost instantly filled the atmosphere. No one was making eye contact with the other, Steve’s shoulders were rigid, and Y/N was gripping the back of the chair she was standing behind so hard that her knuckles were turning white. 

Eventually, she spoke up. 

“So, I have some explaining to do,” she said softly. 

Steve finally looked up, but she couldn't read his emotions. After a second, he stood up and walked over to the plates their mom had set out and started placing his own meal on it. 

“Right. I have a feeling I’ll be doing a good chunk of the talking then…” she caught on watching him move around the stove with his back toward her. “Steve, I don’t know where to start, ok? I don’t know what to tell you other than we thought we were protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” he said in a harsh laugh as he turned around. 

“Yes.” Her answer was solid and showed no doubt behind it. 

“Please, explain to me then how you and my best friend hiding such a big secret behind my back was protecting me,” he scoffed, grabbing a fork and walking back to the table. Slightly aggressively he moved the vegetables around on his plate before stabbing a piece of broccoli and biting into it without looking away from her. 

“I will,” she said matter of factly sitting across from him, forgetting the food and interlacing her fingers in front of her as she leaned forward. Her eye contact was strong so he could see just how much she meant what she was about to say. 

“Once we figured out there were feelings between us,” she paused seeing how weird this conversation was to have now. Steve even tensed more at the mention as well. “We sat down and talked. First, Bucky said he wasn’t going to follow through with it.” Steve’s eyes furrowed at that. “He wasn’t willing to lose your friendship and jeopardize ruining a life long relationship.” 

Steve eased up some at the news. Bucky never said that… 

“And at first, I was upset,” Y/N continued. “I was angry that he was going to let you depict how we went about life. So we walked away from the discussion and acted as if anything that had happened between us was pushed to the side and forgotten.”

“What changed?” Steve spoke up quietly, now lightly picking at the food on his plate. 

“Well…” she thought back. “I had gone ahead and accepted that fact. I figured it would be awkward for a little, but if he didn’t want to do anything about it, then I wasn’t going to push. But then, later the day of my interview, I went to Becca’s for a wine night. When I showed up, Becca wasn’t alone. Bucky had come over and wanted to talk again.”

Steve was listening intently, but played with his food not wanting to show his interest since he was angry. 

“He, uh… I guess he came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to regret not seeing where it went. And at that moment, I saw his perspective from the beginning. I didn’t want to be the reason you two had a falling out. I wasn’t going to be the person who took away your best friend if things didn’t work the way we wanted,” she said sadly, looking down at her hands as she picked at her nails. 

Steve looked up and his face softened. No one had told him that both had tried pushing their feelings aside just to preserve him. They didn’t want to hurt him in the end, and they had been trying to prevent that from the beginning. 

“But Bucky made a good point. We as well have been friends for a while and hopefully, if things didn’t work out between us, we could be civil. Hell, we even made a pact that if we did start a relationship and it ended up falling apart, we would stay civil and stay friends no matter what. We didn’t want it to be awkward for anyone else or ourselves. We’ve been a part of each other's lives too long to let that hurt us, hopefully.”

“So what made you guys decide to…” This was weird coming out of his mouth. “Start dating?”

Y/N chuckled softly at how awkward Steve looked saying that. 

“We realized that what we felt for each other wasn’t something that could be ignored. We enjoyed each other's company, we clearly had romantic feelings for each other, and we’ve had a past that made us almost just as close friends as you guys are. I mean, Becca will always be my own Bucky, but he was there just as much in my life. He’s always looked out for me, and I’ve always tried to do the same for him…” She hadn’t realized she was smiling thinking back on it and when she finally came out of her thoughts, she looked up at Steve who was staring at her. “I don’t know how to explain it, Stevie. There’s a pull. A connection that’s just there. It just… It just made sense.” 

Steve was no longer as tight in his body language as he was earlier. If anything, he looked deep in thought as if realization had hit him. She let him sit there and sift through all the new information. She knew he needed time to process, so she gave it to him. 

Eventually he spoke up in just barely a whisper. 

“How long have you guys-?” He didn’t finish the sentence as if he was still trying to find where it was going. 

Y/N figured he knew what he was trying to say, so she answered. 

“We’ve been dating for almost two months.”

“No,” he shook his head as he stared, unblinking at the table in front of him. “How long have you loved him?”

Shocked by the comment, Y/N widened her eyes when she turned to him.

“What?”

He finally broke his gaze from the table and looked at her. She could have swore she saw the slightest hint of a smile on his face. Vague and barely visible, but she could see something. 

“Come on, Y/N. How long?” he pushed.

She had to think. She hadn’t really put into words that she loved him yet. Had she felt it? Now that she thought about it, yeah… She had always felt love for Bucky. It had changed in the last few months, but after her conversation with her mom the night before, she had realized maybe she was just as blind as Bucky was back in the day. 

“I don’t think I could put a set date to it,” she answered. “I think it’s almost always been there and it took me growing up to know what that feeling was.”

Practically the same answer that Bucky had told him, just worded slightly different. 

“Are you happy?” he asked, leaning forward some. The question and look he was giving her begging for an honest answer. 

She didn’t hold back the smile that came to her lips. A genuine, pure, and blissful smile. 

“Very. I’m very happy, Steve.”

He watched her for a second longer as if waiting for any tell that she was lying, but there was nothing. Nothing apprehensive about it. 

“Ok,” he nodded sitting back in his chair.

“Ok?” she asked, shocked and confused. 

“Yes. Ok,” he repeated, and that small hint of a smile from earlier grew some. 

“Is that an, ‘Ok, whatever,’ or an ‘Ok, good,’ because those are two very different types of okays, believe it or not,” she asked, leaning forward with a raised eyebrow. 

He let out a short, but real laugh. “Ok, as in I’m glad you’re happy. End of the day, that’s all I want for you… And Buck.”

“You’re not mad anymore?” 

“Should I be? Cause I can flip the switch back it you wa-” 

“No! No! We’re happy! We like that answer,” she was quick to cut him off. 

“Ok then,” he laughed, going back to pick at his food. Y/N smiled with him and finally had an appetite to go and grab her own plate. “Almost two months?” he asked eventually. 

Turning from the stove she looked back at him. 

“Yeah, two months in like a week I’m pretty sure,” she calculated as she went back to making her plate and coming back to sit down. 

“So that means, you’re the girl he’s been dating and not telling me anything about?”

“What?”

“Classical Mythology; A-Z encyclopedia? I should have noticed right then and there,” Steve laughed fully now. 

“Oh God. I almost forgot about that,” Y/N laughed, running a hand through her hair. “That was an interesting night…”

“Ew, I don’t want the details,” Steve said, getting grossed out. “I’m trying to eat.”

“Oh, shut up. Nothing like that’s happened, and even if it did, I wouldn’t be telling you. That was just the night of our real first date,” she said, throwing a carrot at him that he deflected. “A night you were supposed to be at home and he could come pick me up without issues, but you had us thinking on our feet.”

He shook his head realizing just how oblivious he had been. Well, not fully oblivious. 

“You know, thinking about it, he’s been a lot more peppy the last couple months,” Steve nodded more seriously now. “At first I thought it was just a change in pace, then he was sneaking out for dates with this mystery girl who I just assumed was someone he wanted to keep a secret because he wasn’t ready to share. Now, I’m starting to realize that I’m just a bad detective…” The last comment was a joke to himself. 

“You’re not a bad detective. You didn’t even know you were supposed to be investigating us. We’re good like that,” she winked and he shook his head at her with a smile. “But in all realness, we were trying to look out for you. Like I said, if things didn’t go our way and we didn’t work out, we didn’t want everyone around us to have to endure that weird process with us.”

“I understand now,” he nodded. “I mean I wish you guys would have just talked to me, but I understand where you’re coming from.”

“I’m glad you get it. We really didn’t want to hurt you Stevie,” she said reaching across and grabbing his hand. “We love you too much to bring you down with us.”

“I love you guys too,” he said squeezing her hand. 

A sweet sibling's silent conversation was had with their eyes before they went back to eating and laughing as they caught up.

“Is it safe to come back into the war zone again?” Their mom asked, coming back into the room. Her plate halfway done, but still pretty full.

“Yes, we’re brother and sister again,” Y/N joked. 

“Good. I was getting bored in the study. The TV’s cable box isn’t working,” she said sitting down with them and going back to eating. “Speaking of. Steve can you-?”

“I’ll look at it for ya, Mom,” he laughed. 

“Thank you sweetheart,” she said pinching his cheek. “Ok, so family movie night since we all love each other again?”

“Only if I get to pick,” Y/N interjected. 

“You’re going to pick another murder mystery and I’m pretty sure we’ve already watched all the one’s Netflix has to offer,” Steve deadpanned. 

“Ok, and? We have Hulu too,” she said, making a ‘psh’ sound as she stabbed a piece of food on her plate and filled her cheeks in a very unlady-like way.

“No. No more murder shows,” Sarah spoke up. 

“I agree. I already see enough crime scenes at my job as it is,” Steve added pointing his fork at her. 

“Fine, one of you guys can pick,” she relented. “Oh! That reminds me!” They both looked at her as she didn’t finish her sentence. 

“Reminds you of…?”

“I got ice cream and Root Beer,” she smiled. “That’s what I had to get out of my car earlier.”

“Root beer floats?” Steve asked excitedly. “God, I don’t remember the last time I’ve had one of those. Those were dad’s favorite…” he smiled, but in fondness. 

“I know. And anytime we had an argument, he would make us sit down and talk,” Y/N said with knowing eyes to their mom. “Then after we would make root beer floats.”

“He said it made everything better after a bad day,” Steve said in reminiscence. 

“Joseph always knew how to fix a bad day with something so simple,” Sarah smiled with a sentimental grin. 

“He sure did,” Y/N agreed, and they all shared a moment leading them to stories here and there about their memories as a family. The topic of their father was one that could tend to be touchy, but this time all it did was bring joy and that sense of nostalgia they needed.

(Tags for this series will be closing soon as it is getting pretty full, please send an ask if you want to be added:)

I’ll post on whatever chapter I decided to close it down here.

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[admiringlove]

𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐲: fukurōdani academy

愛してる: 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏.

— we invite you to celebrate the brewery’s first valentines’ day, with freshly brewed sweet drinks, to honor the day dedicated to love. click for valentines’ day special menu!

↳ 梟谷学園 — fukurōdani academy.

credits for image @ roarzoro on twitter.

akaashi keiji

as we all are aware, akaashi keiji is a reserved boy. he doesn't speak up most of the time unless it's absolutely necessary, so his confession is a little reserved, shy, quiet, and unconditionally adorable. 

he watches you in class because you sit next to him. he befriends you almost instantly when you join the volleyball club as a manager. he tries to be closer to you—which is his way of saying, "let's be together", or "i want to spend some time with you."

his blushes are only slight, because akaashi keiji doesn't show that he's in love. he's not one for grand gestures, because his love is subtle. it's the quiet glances, the small stares in the library(but looking away when you notice because it makes him flush irrationally), the bringing you recommendations for novels, or studying in the library together(and sitting in a way where your legs brush together, making his heart afloat with wonder).

he looks forward to the weekends. because that's when you tend to invite him to places. but, sometimes, the two of you show up to places without planning that you are going to meet. like last weekend, when akaashi was browsing through the romance section in the library, and you pulled a book from the other side of the shelf, making instant eye contact with the cerulean eyed boy. 

so, since akaashi has this little infatuation with you, he decides that it's gotten to an extent where he has to tell you no matter what. 

his heart paces up every time you're around. he loves the way you ruffle his hair before going into your house(the two of you walk home together), his mind is always thinking about you, and he can't even shake you away in his dreams. 

and so, begins the confession. akaashi keiji, being the smart and collective boy he is, confesses to you with a letter. 

+

you were heading home, and it was quite late in the evening. your part-time shift at a local bakery had just ended, and you were tired when you stepped outside, locking the door with a slight huff. you turn around, to see your best friend waiting there, as you slightly flinch back, making the messy-haired boy chuckle.

"keiji!" you said, a hand over your heart, "how are you, this fine evening?"

he chuckles at the way you greet him, gesturing for you to walk alongside his figure as he muses, "i'm doing spectacularly well, m'lady. here, i brought some tea to refresh you as we walk home."

you beam, taking the flask from his soft hands, and bringing it to your lips. the aroma of the clove, cardamom, and other spices immediately in your senses as you excitedly ask, "this is chai, isn't it?"

"yes it is," he replies as you take a long-awaited sip, sighing after you do as the hot drink travels down your throat, clearing it almost instantly. you grin as you look up at the already velvet night sky, specks of joy littering the navy hue across the horizon. tonight feels pleasant to you—the company of your best friend, who always tends to make your heart swell up like a balloon, was quieter than usual tonight. he didn't speak much, wore a black face-mask to cover his overwhelming flustered state, and his reading glasses perched up onto the bridge of his nose that he kept pushing desperately.

"keiji, is there something wrong?" you ask, placing a hand on the blade of his shoulder. he flinches suddenly, his eyes looking up at you in worry as he says, "we're here."

"yes, but-"

"don't say anything tonight, [y/n]. i need to do something," he mumbles, shoving his hand inside his bag and pulling out a small envelope with a wax stamp. he holds it out for you to take, which you do gratefully as he says, "open it when you're inside, okay?"

"keiji, is there something wrong?" you murmur, but he only shakes his head, ruffles your hair, and begins to walk towards the direction of his home. you sigh, opening your front door and take off your shoes, immediately tearing through the envelope and reading its contents.

your eyes begin to moisten as you read the small moments that akaashi describes in the letter—which you thought made something bloom in your heart, but you weren't sure if he felt the same. you stop, eyes widening in the realization that your best friend is outside, and probably overthinking to an extent where his brain is probably going haywire.

you run outside, not heeding that you only have socks on as you find your friend merely blocks away. he's about to enter his own home when you yell out his name, letter waving in your palm in the air, "oi, keiji!"

he turns to look at you, the outside light reflecting his glassy blue eyes with his mouth partly open. you stop, panting as you shove the letter in his face and say, "why couldn't you give me this sooner?"

"w-what?" he whispers, his voice stuck in his throat as his mind thinks at a pace of a million miles per hour. why are you here? you're supposed to be at home. you don't like him back—wait, do you?

"if you had given me this letter sooner, dummy, we could've celebrated valentine's day together in the library instead of me doing it out at a coffee shop with my friends!" you huff, engulfing him in a warm embrace as he blinks away the confusion. his heart calms down, as he returns the hug with grace and hums into your ear indulgently, "i love you."

"i love you too, nerd."

bokuto kōtarō

bokuto needs to double-check everything with his more mature, sophisticated, and intelligent best friend, akaashi for confirmation that he actually does like you.

he's going on-and-on about you. he doesn't intend to stop anytime soon, but akaashi is fed up. although the setter doesn't want to admit it, he thinks that the small infatuation with you has gotten to a level where it's either annoying or adorable to listen to bokuto ramble. and right now? it was annoying, because bokuto is supposed to be focusing on volleyball. 

akaashi stops bokuto after practice, leading him to a quieter place outside the gates where the two spend some time(again, bokuto is talking about how neat your notebook is, or how kind you were when talking to him—akaashi had tuned him out at this point) when the blue-eyed boy finally snapped. 

he tells bokuto that he should probably confess to you because talking to akaashi about his infatuation is probably not going to help your relationship develop into something more serious. till now, you were only friends with the ace; a friendly classmate whom bokuto loved talking to and partnering up with for projects. 

bokuto thinks about it for a few days, his mind completely clouded by what akaashi had said. he even consults kuroo during the weekend, and finally comes to the revelation that no matter what, he has to confess his feelings to you. and of course, since valentine's day was on a sunday this year, he would ask you a day before. 

but, the ace is left dejected when you come to school one day with a few roses and chocolates in your hands. his hair deflates, eyes disheartened and he sulks into his seat behind you. you're concerned, but you continue paying attention to class. 

after school, bokuto realizes that there isn't volleyball practice today. how is he supposed to distract his mind now? you were right behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he flinches. 

+

"ko-san?" you mumble, "are you okay? you haven't been talking to me the whole day."

bokuto's amber eyes soften at the nickname you had given him, as he shakes his head and chuckles dryly, "oh, no. not at all, [y/n]. i'm completely fine."

"you do realize, you're a really bad liar," you giggle, pulling his coat sleeve along as you begin walking out the gates. the school was fairly empty, you had waited to talk to bokuto, because today was the day you had decided that you would finally confess. but he had been behaving strangely, and he avoided you even in recess—which was when you were about to tell him your feelings, but he ran away after getting only a glimpse of you.

"ah, i'm sorry. i was just a little upset that volleyball got cancelled today," he mutters, a hand on the back of his neck as he averts his gaze from you. you chuckle at the awkward ace, who's usually booming with joy and radiant with his obnoxiously loud persona. you attempt to give him a head-pat after getting on your tippy-toes, but alas, it doesn't work out(come on now, the boy is huge).

he begins laughing at your pout but continues to bow down to your height so you could run your hands through his hair. you feel chills run down your spine when bokuto smiles at you after you do it, as you accidentally blurt, "you should continue smiling. sulking doesn't suit you."

"you think?" he asks, a slight blend of a smirk and a grin plays itself on his face as mutters, "i think you should smile more too."

"really?" you ask, "oh yeah, do you want to come to a coffee shop with me?"

he looks up at you almost instantly, and blurts, "i thought you had someone to do that with now."

"what?" you widen your eyes, stopping in your tracks as you laugh, "wait, you mean the little chocolates and the roses?"

he blushes, covering his face with his hand as his grey hair shines—but you laugh more, because of how adorable the scene unfolding in front of you was.

"me and my friends exchanged valentines' day chocolates with each other," you chuckle, "i'd rather go out with you."

you shrug lightly, your eyes fixed on the pavement below your feet(because grey is such a complex color, right?) as you wait for a response from the grey-haired boy. he sighs theatrically, and the next thing you know, two huge arms are wrapping themselves around you, and a voice utters into your ear, "i'd go out with you too. i was about to confess today but... i got sad after seeing you with valentines' gifts."

you laugh, looking up into his majestic yellow eyes as you peck his nose softly, "that's adorable."

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[flightsoffandom]

Second Date

Pairs: Aaron Hotchner x Reader (Future SugarDaddy!Hotch x SugarBaby!Reader)

Words: 4548

Summary: It’s time for you and Aaron to have a second date. After having to reschedule a few times finally Aaron has time to meet up with you.

Warnings: None??

Notes:  Left completely gender-neutral. Finally figured out the name of the whole Series, “Unconventional”. This took a lot longer than I planned, my brain just hasn't been working great whenever I want to sit down and write.

A Continuation of Unconventional -- Peer Pressure -- Second Date*

Aaron was true to his word and called you within a day or two of your first date. You both planned where you would meet for your second outing. However, fate had other plans because Aaron ended up calling a few hours before the date to tell you he had to work. This pattern repeated for about two weeks. You weren’t sure what Aaron did for a living. He never mentioned it. While you could look him up online in the modern age, you didn’t feel right about doing that. Clearly, it was something that kept Aaron extremely busy. You were a bit disappointed, sure, but you understood and weren’t upset about it. Aaron seemed more annoyed about it then you were. He was overly apologetic. You tried to ease his mind and reassure him that it was okay, but he didn’t exactly listen to you. 

You were sitting in your apartment, bouncing between filling out job applications and scholarship paperwork. Lying on your couch, half lounging with your laptop resting on your legs. You were filling out both physical and digital versions of the applications. In between filling out forms, you allowed yourself to ‘relax’ by looking over your bank account and other finances. You had the tv on for background noise. You were hyper-focused on the task at hand. So you almost didn’t realize your phone was ringing right away. After a few rings, you muted the tv to figure out if it was coming from the television or not. When you heard it was actually your phone, you scrambled to grab it. You didn’t even look at who was calling before picking up, “Hello?” You heard some car noises before the caller speaks, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Hearing Aaron’s voice made you smile. You chuckle, “Nah, I just thought the ringing was from the tv. I’m just sitting around.” Aaron lets out a relieved sigh, “Good.” There was a pause and the sound of a car door closing, “Are you free tonight?” You sit up, “I am. I just need some time to change clothes. Then I can meet you wherever.” Aaron chuckles, “Actually, I’m coming to you.” You hear a knock on the door. Jumping up off the couch, you hold your phone to your ear as you hurriedly put your laptop on the dining room table before going to the door. 

You open the door to see Aaron standing there. You smile, “Hey.” You hear your voice echo between your two phones, causing you to hang up. You stand there for a moment before realizing that you were basically wearing your pajamas. You blush and move to the side to let Aaron into your apartment, “If we are going anywhere, I will need to change.” You rub the back of your neck. Aaron’s face looked softer than usual, “I didn’t have any plans. I came straight from work.” After Aaron walks in, you close the door and lock it behind him. When you turn around Aaron has an almost guilty look on his face, “I was going to bring flowers or something as an apology for all the canceled dates, but I didn't know if you had allergies. I figured I would make it up to you by coming over tonight. Since I have time… I am sorry about all the canceled plans, by the way.” Aaron looked even more guilty now. You couldn't help but smile at his mixture of nervousness and sweetness, "It's okay. I promise." Aaron opens his mouth, and you just know that he is about to apologize again. So instead, you interrupt him, "Have you eaten yet?" Aaron shakes his head, "I haven't." You give a small nod before turning into the kitchen, "Me either. Let's see what I can scrounge up." Starting to go through the cabinets. 

While you were looking for some food to make, you saw Aaron looking around your apartment. He was very polite about it, so you wouldn't call it snooping. You went to look through the fridge and see what you had. Aaron commented, “Are these your finances?” You shoot up, hitting your head on the refrigerator as you stand up. You winced and rubbed the back of your head, looking over at him. Aaron was already sitting in front of your laptop. A severe expression had set back into his face. He crossed his arms as he looked it over. You bit at your lip. Aaron looked over at you inquisitively. Usually, you probably would have stopped him, but you supposed this was why you got involved with him, to begin with. You sucked it up and replied, “Yeah, it is.” You went back to digging through the fridge. Not having a whole lot to choose from didn't help you make a decision. It also didn't help that you were nervous about what Aaron thought of your spending habits and financial situation. 

After looking through your fridge and every cabinet twice, you finally break. You speak, abruptly disturbing the silence, “Can you stop sitting over there judging me?” Quickly you walk over and sit in the chair next to him, trying to obscure the screen in any way. Aaron’s brows were already knit together, looking much too serious for your taste. He keeps the laptop in place and looks at you, “I’m not judging you.” You whine and start childishly blocking the screen with your hands, “I could feel the judgment all the way in the kitchen.” Aaron’s firm grasp on your computer doesn't allow much leeway, and with your hands not blocking enough of the screen, you just huff, “This is supposed to be a date, right? And you're sitting over here looking like an accountant.” Aaron’s stern demeanor breaks as a smirk slides onto his face. You can already feel your nerves dissipating. He shakes his head at you, “This is a date, yes.” The smirk slides off his face, but his face stays softer than before, “I think this is a fairly important conversation we need to have.” You glare at him half-heartedly, knowing he was right. 

You hum softly, “Do you have normal clothes to change into? That would make this feel a lot less official.” Aaron nods, “I have a bag of clothes in my car.” You perk up, “Perfect.” Standing up, you start gently nudging him, “Go get your bag, and you can change in here.” Aaron narrows his eyes at you, “Don’t try to hide that before I get back.” He was pointing to your laptop, his tone had more authority in it than normal. Even if that had been your plan, it definitely wasn't anymore. You give a quick nod to show that you understand, followed by a smile. Aaron gets up and heads out temporarily. You let him out and then proceed to wait right by the door for him to get back. It doesn't take him long to return. When you let Aaron back into your apartment, you see a very official-looking duffle bag in his hand. You smile and motion him to your bedroom, “Feel free to change in there.” Aaron offers a slight smile before closing himself into your bedroom. 

You froze the second the door closed. Trying to think for a moment if you had anything embarrassing lying around in your room. There was probably a semi-tamed pile of dirty laundry, a bunch of school books scattered about, and maybe some applications for things. Other than that, you couldn't think of anything too awkward out in the open. Feeling more at ease allowed you to focus back on finding something to eat. Even with your mind cleared of some anxiety, you couldn't find anything that would be good for dinner. You resort to ordering some food for both of you. You weren't sure what Aaron would like, so you waited for him to finish changing. As you wait, you grab your laptop and sit on the couch. Staring at the numbers on the screen, maybe Aaron was hardcore judging your spending habits. You had to admit they weren't the best, but you really tried to stick to a budget. When you heard your bedroom door open, your attention was immediately drawn to it. 

You saw Aaron in a very comfy looking polo-shirt and jeans. He looked good like that, and he even seemed more relaxed. A smile spreads across your face when you see Aaron. He looks over at you, “Better?” You give an excited nod. Maybe a bit too enthusiastic, but luckily it seems to make Aaron smile. You look him over again before asking, “Why do you wear suits all the time? And why was there a bag of clothes in your car?” Aaron walks over to the couch and doesn't quite sit down yet. He makes an almost confused face, “You don’t know where I work?” The look he gave you made you feel like you should know the answer. You started worrying that he had mentioned it before, and you didn't remember. You rub the back of your neck, nervously, “N...No. Should I?” You start to overthink things and look up at him with apologetic eyes, “I’m sorry if you brought it up before.” Aaron study’s your face for a moment, crossing his arms, “But you meet Rossi. So, you know what he does for a living.” You felt like he was evaluating you on something. You didn't know the right answer, “I only met him once... I think I have one of his books somewhere. All I know is that he is an author that used to work in law enforcement of some kind… but he is retired, right?” You try to figure out if these answers were what Aaron was looking for, but he was practically unreadable. You swallow hard and look up at him, trying to figure out why he seemed equally attractive and intimidating in both a polo-shirt and a suit. 

Aaron raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t look him or myself up?” You fiddle with the edges of your laptop, “I knew David was famous and took a risk that I could trust him. Looking you up feels like cheating, though.” You break eye contact with him, “I mean… We are supposed to be going on dates and learning about each other that way.” You heard Aaron let out a soft sigh, “Would you mind if I only answered part of your question then?” His voice was much softer than it was just moments ago. You look back over to him and nod. Aaron looks down at you with a bit of uncertainty, “I need a bag of clothes for work.” He finally unfolds his arms and takes a seat next to you on the couch, “I would rather not talk about my job though.” Aaron pauses before adding, “I don’t want to think about it when I’m with you.” This time he seems a bit unsure of his last sentence. Aaron cleared his throat, trying to move on from what he just said. You could tell he wasn't sure if the last part was too much or out of line in some way. You wanted to reassure him, “That’s totally fine.” You offer a genuine smile, trying to express that you understood fully. Aaron seems to appreciate it because he responds with a slight smile of his own. 

You pull out your phone, "What do you want for dinner? I don't really have anything here." Aaron thinks for a moment, "What sounds good to you?" You glare at him, "Nope. You pick." Aaron raises an eyebrow at you. You shake your head and add, "I picked last time. Now it's your turn." Aaron chuckles and shakes his head, "Fine." Aaron suggests a place that is close by, so you call and order the food. 

    Aaron looks at you once you're off the phone, "You are going to let me pay this time." It was phrased as a question, but it was more of a statement. You slide your phone into your pocket and scoff, "Why would I do that?" Aaron narrows his eyes at you, "Because of that whole situation." He points to your computer. Your attention gets drawn back to the laptop sitting on your legs. Biting your lip, you chuckle, “Don’t judge me too much based on this, okay? I can justify every purchase.” Aaron raises an eyebrow and smirks, “Really?” You narrow your eyes at him, up for the challenge, “Yes.” Aaron smirks and nods, “Okay, then.” Determined, you buckle down, getting ready to defend yourself. Over the next few hours, you both look it over and discuss it. There is a short pause when the food arrives. After you let Aaron pay for it, you both get right back to the evaluation. It wasn't the funniest situation. Having to sit there and look over all the things you had spent money on with a practical stranger. However, parts of this financial conversation were kind of fun. 

Aaron looked from the numbers to you, “Seems like you're eating out a lot. You need to go grocery shopping more.” His voice was very parental and borderline lecturing. You automatically resorted to pouting, “It's not that bad.” Aaron narrows his eyes at you, even going as far as to point to the recently finished food. Since it was your idea to order out and you didn't have a lot of food currently, so he was right. That, however, doesn't stop you from pouting further, “They are family-owned local places, and I am friends with a lot of the people. I wanna help them out.” Aaron lets out a soft sigh, “It’s irresponsible.” It was a weak protest on his part. Aaron’s voice was less judgmental. Clearly, he was a big softy under the stern, responsible exterior. So out of curiosity, you wanted to test how close he was to dropping the whole lecturing thing. You let out a whine, “So judgy…” You close your eyes and let your head lightly fall onto the back of the couch. Feeling Aaron’s eyes on you made you curiously open just one eye to peek at him. Surprisingly Aaron had his eyebrows raised, looking amused. As soon as you knew he saw you peeking, you closed your eye again and let out a small huff. This earned you a chuckle from Aaron before he spoke, “You're acting childish.” He didn't even sound remotely mad, so it took all your willpower not to crack a smile right then. You pressed your lips into a firm line in order to hold off as long as you could. You managed to speak without laughing, “ ‘Baby’ is in the title, isn't it? So, I think I’m allowed to act a bit childish.” You let a smile slide onto your face, unable to contain it anymore. Opening your eyes as you chuckled. Aaron was smiling too, which you very much enjoyed seeing. Aaron shook his head at you, “I suppose it comes with the role then.” He looked off to the side for a moment, looking mischievous, “But that would mean I’m allowed to be ‘judgy’ because of my title in this arrangement as well.” Aaron looked at you with a smirk, and you started laughing, “Touche.” 

You sit up, moving your laptop over onto the coffee table, “I think both of us did well then, and now it's time to do something fun.” Aaron’s face quickly got serious, “We still need to talk about how I could help you with your financial situation.” You sigh and roll your eyes, making sure it’s overdramatic, so he doesn't get too upset by this response. You look at him, “I am not so financially insecure that I am going to go bankrupt in the next few days.” Aaron narrows his eyes at you, looking like he is about to say something. Before he can, you speak up again, wanting to make your point clear to him, “Aaron, I don’t need or want a human ATM. I wouldn't feel right doing that to anyone, and that's not how I see you.” Aaron seems slightly surprised by your candid response. You feel yourself getting nervous, so you clear your throat to move on, “Let’s do something fun.” Aaron studies you for a minute. You try to relax under his gaze even as it feels like he is trying to analyze you. 

Aaron finally softens up once again as he speaks, “It’s late. Where would we go?” You make a playfully disgusted face, “Go out? Eww.” You chuckle, “Don’t get me wrong, outside is great and all but this time of night, it's just clubs open.” You fake gag before bringing your legs up onto the couch. Your brain automatically drifted to all the Sugar Daddy’s Oliva brought around. They loved the whole ‘younger people scene’ like crazy parties or clubs. That wasn't really you. You didn't think Aaron was interested in that either, but you started to feel self-conscious. Curling up as you add, “I suppose my idea of fun is fairly boring compared to most people my age, though.” You finish off your statement with a nervous chuckle as you rubbed the back of your neck. Aaron offers a sweet smile and laughs, “My friends call me boring too, so it's okay.” You can't help but smile back, “We can be boring together.” 

You grab the tv remote and hand it to him. Settling in and getting comfy. Aaron looks at you, inquisitively, “You want me to pick?” You shrug as you laugh, “Sure. I’m good with whatever.” He hesitantly starts channel surfing. You watch for a while until you deem enough time has passed, and you try to pull some forms onto your lap sneakily. You start filling them out ever so slowly, trying not to draw too much attention to yourself. Aaron seems to linger on news channels, which wasn’t too surprising. It makes you chuckle to yourself. You glance at the screen every now and then. You weren't one to watch the news yourself, other than maybe for weather updates or something. You didn't mind, though. Aaron seemed to catch himself pausing on the news, clearing his throat in a ‘casual’ fashion before changing the channel. You don't pay it much mind until you notice the serious look set onto his face. 

You stop writing to thoroughly look at him, “You don’t seem to be having much fun…” You let out a soft sigh, “I promise that normally I am a better host.” Aaron easily pulled his attention away from the tv. His brows knitted together, “If you're busy, I can leave.” Aaron even starts moving like he is ready to leave right now. You quickly lunge forward, gently grabbing his arm, so he doesn't get up, “Please don’t!” Your words came out a lot needier and rushed then you meant to. Having no clue what just came over you, you just as quickly let go of his arm. You feel your cheeks heat up, “Sorry… I mean, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I would understand if you didn’t want to sit around, though.” You altogether avoid eye contact. You liked Aaron, sure, and it was nice having someone around, even if nothing was happening. But it was only your second date, and that small gesture could be seen as you being very desperate. 

You feel a slight frown slip onto your face, “Some of these are due tomorrow.” Aaron gets a serious look on his face again, “What sort of problems financial problems have you been having?” You were glad he didn't say anything about your sudden outburst a minute ago, but you also weren't thrilled talking about your finances again. You try to brush it off with a laugh, “You saw my finances, so you tell me.” You feel Aaron’s glare bore into you. You look up at him and try to add a smile to the joke, which makes Aaron roll his eyes. Aaron keeps the stern look on his face. Since you avoided Aaron’s question, he decides to answer yours instead, “You need a new job, it's not paying you enough. That is unless you're working fewer hours for school.” You didn't want to talk about your job. It was complicated and stressful to think about. You cave and decide to answer Aaron’s original question, “My scholarship is being permanently canceled. There was a letter with a lot of legal and financial jargon on it that I didn’t fully understand, but I can’t rely on it to pay for my classes anymore.” Aaron’s glare intensifies when he notices you avoiding the question about your job, but he lets it slide for the time being. He raises an eyebrow, “Where is the letter?” You pause and think, “With my other important papers…” You huff, “Reading over that letter won't be fun for either of us. I said we should do something fun.” Aaron rolls his eyes, “And you truly look like you're having so much fun right now.” You glare at him for a moment before turning your attention back down to the applications in front of you. 

Out of spite, you quickly fill out whatever spots you have left on the paper in front of you. Once finished, you carefully toss the stack of papers onto the end table. Then you turn your attention back to Aaron, “There… done. Now I am completely finished for the night.” You can’t help but chuckle, "My undivided attention is now all yours." Aaron rolls his eyes at you, but you see the ghost of a smile on his face. He hands the tv remote back over to you, "Alright, then you get to pick." This time you glare at Aaron but start surfing through channels. At some point, you officially settle on watching 'Unwrapped'. It was a nice relaxing show. Plus, it was semi-educational, and you enjoyed it. Aaron seemed to like it as well, so it was a good thing to watch for the night. It was already getting late, and you were tired. You managed to stay awake for a while, but at some point, your body ultimately gave in, and you fell asleep. 

You wake up on the couch, feeling groggy. Rubbing your eyes, you realize that Aaron had fallen asleep with you. You check the time and see that it’s the middle of the night. You stretch slightly and slowly get up. After you stand up, you gently nudge Aaron. He wakes up a bit startled. You start sleepily cooing at him, “Everything is okay, you're fine.” Aaron’s initial reaction eased into confusion. You turn the tv off, “We both fell asleep on the couch.” Aaron lets out a light groan, “Oh… I should head home then.” You turn back to look at him and roll your eyes, “No way in hell am I letting you drive home this late. It’s like 3 am.” Aaron gets another confused look on this face, “I guess the couch will be fine then.” You chuckle, “Come on. Don’t be like that. I have a bed, and it's a decent size. We will both fit in it.” Aaron narrows his eyes at you, almost looking at you suspiciously. You sigh, “Don’t be dramatic. When you were a kid, you shared a bed with your friends for sleepovers.” Aaron gives a groggy nod before conceding with a sigh, “Alright.” You head into your bedroom, deciding these clothes were close enough to pajamas for you to sleep in them. You slide onto your side of the bed and set an alarm for some time tomorrow. Aaron had followed behind you. Once you had laid down, he took the other side of the bed. If both of you had been any less exhausted then, you would probably be nervous about this. But all you could think about was getting back to sleep. It didn’t take long for sleep to retake you. 

You woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. You couldn't think of who would be calling you. You search for your phone and grab it. When you go to check the time, you notice two things. First that it was only around 7 am which no one should be calling you this early. Then you see that no one is calling your phone even though a phone is still ringing. That's when your brain caught back up with you, remembering that you let Aaron stay the night since it was so late. The phone doesn't get a chance to ring more than three or four times before he picks it up. Aaron’s voice comes out, only slightly groggy but stern, “Hotchner.” There are a few moments of silence before he speaks again, “I’ll be right in.” You feel him move to get off the bed, and you open your eyes. Sitting up a bit. Aaron was already rushing to get ready, but he did notice that you were awake. He gave you an apologetic look, “Sorry if that call woke you up.” A small yawn overtakes you before you respond, “No worries, It’s totally fine.” You smile at him as he grabs his bag full of extra clothes. Aaron disappears into the bathroom, probably to change. 

You get out of bed and start making some coffee, feeling that he will probably need some. You try to look for breakfast, but you don't have anything that would be considered ‘to-go’ food. You settle on just coffee. You lean against the counter as you wait. Aaron emerges from your bedroom, and you pour some coffee into a thermos. You turn around, handing it to him, “Here you go.” He looks from the container to you, “I… Thank you.” Aaron gives a small smile before grabbing the thermos from you. You chuckle and smile, “No problem. I know last night was probably boring and more casual than you expected-” You pause for just a moment. Before you can continue, Aaron quickly speaks up, “No.” He stops himself and clears his throat before calming his voice down, “I like casual, it’s relaxing.” A smile spreads across your face, “I had fun, so I’m glad you enjoyed it as well.” Aaron watches you for a moment, almost like he is thinking about something. You tilt your head curiously, about to ask him. Suddenly a realization hit him, and he checked his watch, “I have to go.” You lean against the counter and nod, “Alright.” Aaron scrambles to get all his stuff together to get ready to go. 

Right before he is about to walk out the door, you quickly peak around the corner, “Hey.” Aaron stops and turns to look at you, a stern yet worried look on his face, “Yeah?” You grin, “Feel free to randomly stop by my apartment again. Anytime.” Aaron cracks a smile. He diverts eye contact to the ground as he chuckles, “I just might take you up on that.” You laugh and use a fake stern voice, “You better.” You pause and lean against the wall, “Have a good day.” Aaron chuckles again and nods, “You too.” With that, he quickly leaves, closing the door behind him.

A Continuation of Unconventional -- Peer Pressure -- Second Date*

Tags: @joyofbebbanburg @withyoutilltheendofthismess @marvel-is-my-life-blog @ladyravenclaw @ellvswriting @cheyxfu @ssareidbby @sothisiswhatwedonow @xrainydazeteax

[heavenunderthemoon]

Growing Pains- Spencer Reid {Chapter 1}

This is a sequel to the prologue, I recommend checking that out!

QUANTICO

OCTOBER 2011

The coffee shop was bustling with activity, despite it being nearly six in the morning. Early risers and morning commuters in the like seemed to mob the small shop, the poor baristas doling drinks out at an impossible speed.

It was a chilly morning,Spencer's jacket collar itched at his neck and he made a grab for it in irritation, swatting the hairs that he had been meaning to cut out of the way as he did so. His curls were beginning to look a bit unruly, the case load preventing him from focusing on anything other than catching serial killers. Though, to be fair, he hardly ever focused too much on his appearance, his socks were a testament to that. The different patterns poked out of his cuffed slacks and he forced himself to look back at the board, scanning the menu even if he knew what he wanted.

Pumpkin drawn in chalk stared back at him until it was his turn to order and the baristas barely looked at him before punching in his black coffee. He didn't need any additive, at least, not from them. no, his main source of fuel was on the other side of the room, the sugar cart winking back at him. Spencer stepped back, letting the people behind him up to the counter as he waited for his freshly brewed coffee, his mind still a bit muggy without caffeination.

The lack of caffeination is what he would blame it on later that day. A mere delusion from sleep deprivation, or maybe he had even been dreaming still, falling asleep right where he stood and imagining the whole thing. He would chalk it up to any reason, any reason at all, because he couldn't have possibly heard your name.

"Y/N!" The barista called out.

The Reid's head snapped up, following the figure grabbing the coffee and his eyes trailed your back. No, that couldn't possibly be you. It couldn't be you, because, well, the last time he'd seen you was when you were both fourteen. Children, wishing upon stars and making pinky promises. The last time he had heard from you was when he was still in college, your voices tossed back in forth between the staticky phone booth's reception, and even then you both knew that your friendship was fizzling out.

He remembered quite clearly what you looked like too. Your hair had reached your back and still shoved into that dirty baseball cap that you never quite took off. That was the girl he remembered.

The back he followed left out the for and his foot twitched, as if to follow, but, had it really been you? It hadn't, Spencer reassured. It couldn't have been you. Just because they had called your name- a name he supposed other people could have, of course- didn't mean it was you. In fact, he hadn't even gotten a good look at your face. And, yes, while the hair color may have been the same, he was probably just overthinking it.

Right, that's what it was. He was overthinking it.

He always overthought things. In fact, he notoriously over thought things. He was absolutely mad if he actually thought that he saw his childhood best friend in a coffee shop, exactly 2,406.9 miles away from the last location he had seen her.

"Spencer." The barista called with a smile, extending the styrofoam cup, steam billowing from the small opening at the top. His name was written across the side in block letters, and his hand covered the lettering as he grabbed it, nodding as a thank you before retiring to the sugar station.

Y/N L/N.

Your name danced across his mind, flashes of your childhood playing almost against his will and he soon found himself lost in a memory, his feet taking him to work as he did.

-

NEVADA 1991

"Ow! Spencer, you keep stepping on my toes." Nine year old you complained, breaking apart from the boy's hold and sending him an exasperated look.

Your overalls hung loosely on your body, a hand-me-down from your brothers that didn't quite fit you yet. Your father had done his best to stitch it, but the man couldn't sew to save his life. Differently colored threads poked out in seemingly random places, and Spencer found himself staring at them from time to time.

The boy's cheeks tinted pink, his eyebrows furrowing as he stepped away, shutting off the music and going back to his book that sat propped upon the table. That morning, the two children had turned on your father's TV set. Diana didn't particularly let the boy watch it at home. On her bad days, she said the TV was a ploy from the government, destined to rot his brain and turn him against her. On her good days, she said it wasn't mentally stimulating enough, Not as mentally stimulating as a book, ushering him off with another literature classic if he requested watching something before bed. You, on the other hand, weren't given as many restrictions. besides, your father worked during the day which left you and your brothers with free rein of the house, and, with it being summertime, your brothers were both away at football camp.

A music video depicting a teenage couple had been the first channel you had landed on and, their sweet, slow dance had made you both curious about the logistics. Spencer, of course, had taken a more theoretical approach to learning the concept. Grabbing a rather large book about dance and movement from the nineteenth century, the boy had spent the better part of the day with his nose embedded in the pages, his hands flailing about every so often, as if trying it out before going back to reading. You, on the other hand, had taken to attempting the dance with the kitchen broom as Spencer read. It couldn't be that hard, could it? Besides, you couldn't really know how to do it without actually doing it. Well, that was your opinion, anyways.

After a while, you both glanced at each other from across the room, you watched the idea click onto both of your faces, both of your cheeks reddening at the thought.

"Merely experimental." Spencer had said, his voice an octave higher than it usually was.

Your cheeks still hadn't calmed, and you had fixed him with a glare, swearing him to secrecy before agreeing. You knew Spencer wouldn't ever tell, not just because he didn't particularly have anyone to tell, but because you knew the prospect of slow-dancing with his best friend embarrassed him just as much as it did you. But, he still nodded.

And that was how you had found yourself getting your toes stepped on, the music shut off as Spencer re-read his book.

"You can't learn this by reading, Spence, c'mon." Your hand tugged at his, pulling him away from the book as he huffed. Your other hand slapped the music back on, an Elvis album that was your dad's. He didn't really own anything else, and it was either that or Barry Manilow.

The boy's face was cross, as if frustrated at the concept of something not being capable of being taught from literature. Nonetheless, he followed your slow, awkward steps, focusing all his energy on not stepping on your toes. Slowly, but surely, the two of you seemed to get the hang of it, even being able to move around the room as you danced and you laughed wildly when you spun, just as the girl had done in the movies.

Spencer watched with a smile. His best friend, his only friend, but to him, the best. Because he was certain that you would be the best of the best for the rest of his life as you soon around, one hand still latched onto his own.

-

QUANTICO 2011

His tongue ached as the hot liquid ran across it.

Spencer hardly ever waited long enough to drink his coffee, the liquid scalding his mouth due to his impatience. It was small price to pay for the sweet relief caffeine gave him, the way his mind sharpened and allowed his body to catch up with his brain.

"How many cups have you had this morning, Spence?"

JJ's voice cut across the bullpen. It was one of those rare paperwork days, much to the disdain of Rossi. The man absolutely loathed paperwork, claiming that he would never stoop to such degrading tasks (though the team saw him helping out on reports when he thought they weren't looking). The blonde had previously been stopped at Emily's desk, the two chatting about their weekend plans, tones filled with hope that they might actually be able too fulfill them rather than being forced to cancel due to a case.

"Not enough, apparently. Pretty boy's been spacing out for the last hour. Actually, I think I got more done than he did." Derek teased, his eyebrows raising as he dipped his head toward the stack of forgotten papers near Spencer's outbox.

The Reid man scoffed, setting down his now empty cup. He had grown quite accustomed to the Morgan's teasing, and it never bothered him anyways. But, Spencer hated to admit that the man was correct- perhaps miracles do happen. Spencer was distracted. His mind seemed to abandon him, running off to Nevada, slow dancing with you in your childhood home's basement. Your laugh as you spun echoed in his mind and the sound of his name being called once more made him glance up.

"Spencer?" Derek fixed the man with a concerned look, his paperwork left forgotten. JJ's smile faded, Emily raising a brow as well. Rossi had gone off with Hotch somewhere, Penelope in her bat cave, but the group's effect still had Spencer trying to ice any remnants of you off his face, plastering on a small smile.

"Hmm?" He hummed in response.

JJ's eyes narrowed, scanning his face with concern. "Are you feeling okay today? You've been really quiet and...spacey." The blonde settled on the word, and Spencer did his best to assuage her. The pen in his hand twirled, his head nodding.

"I'm fine. I just thought I saw-"

The small creak of the glass doors opening caught the man's attention once more and now, three cups of coffee to back up his acclamations, Spencer was sure that he wasn't;t hallucinating now. No, not this time.

You, you, but twenty years older. You, with a neatly placed outfit, his mind flashing between the jeans you wore and the overalls he had once seen you in. You were there, in the BAU, fifty feet away, it was you. Sure, you were older, you didn't have your head shaved into a baseball cap, or dirtied sneakers on your feet, but it was you.

"Y/N?" His voice came out a whisper.

This is a part two to the prologue! I recommend checking that out!

[smol-and-grumpy]

Light My Fire - CH05

Pairing: CEO!Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: She always thought her boss was an ill-tempered man, but when he presents her with a proposition she can’t quite deny, she gets to know him better. It’s not bad, right? Because all she has to do is being fake married to him for six months, sounds do-able, right? Right.

Warnings: Angst, tension, sexual frustrations, NSFW

WC: 3861

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​ <3

SERIES MATSTERLIST

Y/N wakes up late the next day. It’s probably because she tossed and turned in her bed for quite a long time. She couldn’t sleep, her mind constantly on Dean, thinking of that damn fucking kiss and his gestures of affection. Even though it was the last thing she wanted to think about. After about two hours of lying awake, she decided to do something about her sexual frustrations. 

Of course she had thought about going over to his room but that would mean that she might have to cross a line she doesn’t know if she’s supposed to be crossing. Although she’d think that Dean probably wouldn’t mind? She just doesn’t know? He’s so hard to read. Either that or she’s too oblivious to notice these kinds of things. 

So, she lay there in the dark rubbing herself, and however much she wanted to come, it didn’t work, and that frustrated her even more. She thinks she fell asleep angrily, if that’s even possible.

She stretches in bed, pulls the cover over her head again and tries to fall asleep one more time. There’s still that stupid tingling sensation between her thighs and it gets more unbearable the longer she’s awake. That’s just fucking great. 

When it becomes too unbearable to stay in bed much longer, she gets up and reaches to the night stand for her phone. As soon as the lock screen lights up, she sees a text from Jack. 

 J: [picture]

 She thumbs the message open to look at the picture, it’s one of her and Dean from last night. They really do look like a happy couple. 

 J: Do you wanna tell me what’s that all about? When did you get married and why didn’t you tell me?

 Oh, no. She totally forgot about the pictures that hit the internet this morning. Well, she thought about it but it’s not like Dean’s an A-list celebrity so she never really thought that Jack’s going to find out about it. Apparently, the joke’s on her.

 Y/N: I’ll explain everything to you soon, alright? Just trust me. 

 She doesn’t wait for a reply, she needs coffee in her system first if Jack should answer, but knowing him, he probably won’t. He’ll give her the silent treatment for at least two days. She walks out into the living area in only her sleep shirt because she’s getting bolder around here, and also mainly because she knows that Dean’s already out at work anyway.

Today, she thinks that she’s going to need to hit the gym. Needs to somehow get her frustrations out, and then she’ll let the massage comforter knead the tension out of her. Maybe then she’ll be able to sleep again. She might take an afternoon nap after, for good measure.

Walking into the kitchen, the familiar smell of cologne and coffee greets her and there’s another sticky note on the coffee machine.

I hope you slept well. Thank you for coming along last night. I meant it when I said that I had fun. Don’t overthink the thing with Amara, okay? I want you to relax today. I’ll see you this evening. — D

She shouldn’t be smiling. Why is she smiling? 

Ugh, Dean.

Ugh.

Yeah, she definitely needs to hit the gym.

 *

 When she’s changed into her gym gear, her phone pings with a message.

 G: You need anything? What are you up to? Gabe

 She frowns a little. Gabe? Why is he texting her? She doesn’t have time to think so she quickly types in a reply.

 Y/N: No, thank you. About to hit the gym now.

 Crouching down, she ties her shoes and searches for her headphones. It takes her an awfully long time to find them, as she couldn’t for the love of her remember where she put it. By the time she finds it, she’s already sweating bullets.

She runs to the front door and when she opens it, she bumps right into Gabe. Something falls out of his hand from the impact and drops onto the floor. Her eyes go from Gabe to the thing.

“Oh, I thought you were out, sorry.” He gets back on his feet, quickly picks up the package from the floor and hides it behind his back.

If he thinks that she didn’t see it, he better think again. Because it’s a fairly large packet of condoms (fucking condoms!) and she couldn’t have missed that if she tried.

“Who are they for?” She asks, and feels something squeezing at her heart. Something that makes her chest hurt.

“For me,” Gabe answers quickly.

Y/N stares him down, raises her eyebrow. She could ask him if they were for him, what he’s doing with them here. Or why he comes in when he thinks that she’s out. She could voice all of her thoughts but instead, she gave him a silent glare, and crossed her arms over her chest.

Gabe sighs and rolls his eyes before he speaks, “Fine, the boss said to come in when you’re out and drop it in his room.”

So it is for Dean! Just like she thought it would be.

“You can take it back,” 

“But—”

“He doesn’t need them.” She hisses, and cuts Gabe’s sentence short.

“Fine. Okay, but you are going to explain to him why I couldn’t drop them off.”

“Gabe, just go.” She does her best to stay calm but on the inside, she’s raging.

She watches Gabe lower his head and retreat. After she’s sure that Gabe’s gone, she sends Dean a text because she doesn’t know his schedule and doesn’t want to interrupt one of his meetings. Plus, it’s easier to do it by text because right now, she doesn’t even want to talk to him at all.

 Y/N: CONDOMS! Condoms, Dean? Really? We had a fucking deal. I’m out!

 Gym is cancelled. She needs to get out of here fast and storms back into the apartment and hurries to her room. She takes out her suitcases and starts to pack. Her phone chimes a couple of times but she ignores it. 

One full suitcase later, she hears him. 

Fuck!

She was kind of hoping that he’d be in a meeting and couldn’t get out of it. Or maybe, in hindsight, she should have sent the text after she left but she was too fucking mad to think straight.

The front door slams so loud, it makes her jump, and his dress shoes click away on the marble flooring. They come closer and there’s nowhere for her to hide but in this room. 

“Y/N!” There’s a knock, “Open up!”

“No!”

“Jesus, you know that I could just kick the door in, right? So open up now or I will.”

Ugh. Would Dean really kick the door in just to talk with her? She decides not to test that theory. Besides, what could go wrong, right? She’s still mad and running away from problems won’t make it go away. She’d tried that one, but it didn't work.

She walks to the door and opens up to a distressed Dean. His tie’s a little loose, his hair ruffled up and he’s sweating. She can see the little droplets by his hairline. 

“What the fuck happend?” He growls at her, it’s low and deep and it should maybe scare her but she’s unfazed. Had seen him like this more time than she can count.

“You ask me what happened? Gabe brought you a pack of condoms, Dean! That’s what happened! Condoms! A fucking big pack, too!” 

Y/N throws her hands in the air, her throat makes a frustrating sound. And then she tries to breath to calm herself while Dean’s still staring at her, one fucking eyebrow raised. 

She ignores him and goes on, “Fucking condoms! When we both agreed that we’ll stay abstinent and won’t flirt or fuck anyone else in the six months so as to not jeopardize this whole fucking fake marriage!”

“Jesus Christ,” Dean breathes out, threads his hand through his hair, “That’s what you’re upset about?” 

He talks like it’s no fucking big deal! It makes her even more mad. 

“Of course I’m fucking upset! I’m pissed!” She spits out her words, “You let him bring you condoms so you can fuck around? How’s that fucking fair to me? All eyes are on me, Dean! If I slip, I’ll take you down with me, but if you sleep around, that’s o-fucking-kay? You’re a fucking hypocrite!” She notices  that he steps in some more but there’s room by the door so storms past him, knows that one of her books is still in the living room and she wants to grab that now because she can’t stand there and look at him one minute longer.

“Y/N, calm down, let me explain,” He talks in a calmer voice, and follows her. Damn his fucking long legs because he catches up to her and grabs her arm, makes her turn and crowds her against the wall, one hand placed right next to her head and one hand on her hips, holding her there, “Please.”

He wants to explain? Yeah, sure. She’s looking up at him, challenges him, a frown etched deep in her face, “Explain? What is there to fucking expla—”

She can’t finish her sentence because Dean attacks her mouth and kisses her roughly to shut her up. And why is she giving in? She shouldn’t be giving in but fuck, if his kisses doesn’t make her weak in the knees. 

He leaves his forehead on hers when he parts, pecks her lips once more when he sees that all the fight has left her body. Dean sighs before he talks, his voice is deep, gravelly, “Goddamnit, Y/N, the condoms were for us, alright?”

What?

“For us?” She frowns and Dean chuckles, his breath hot against her face. Coffee and chewing gum. He’s a notorious gum chewer. It sometimes drives her nuts because she has to make sure that there is gum everywhere in the office should he need one.

“Yeah, I was to make you a proposition. If we’re not allowed to date and see other people, I was gonna ask you if you’d be game if we—” He points his index finger between the two of them, “—you know, enjoy each other. No strings attached other than the fake marriage,”

“You want me?” She doesn’t believe him and he knows that she doesn’t. His mouth seals around hers again. It’s a little rougher, harder, his hot tongue sliding against hers, both of his hands are on her hips, fingers digging into her flesh. Before it can get too hot, he breaks it off and she whimpers against his mouth, making him chuckle.

“You just don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?”

“My god, Y/N! You turn me on so fucking much, you have no fucking idea.” His face changes. His eyes are a little darker, his voice a little deeper, “The first night with you? I was so hard I jerked myself off in the showers.”

Her mouth opens to form an ‘o’, “‘S that why you didn’t wanna get into the tub with me?”

He lets out a breath, “Yeah, I didn’t think I could have hidden my boner and it was for your own safety because I might have just attacked you.”

She grins.

Dean chuckles nervously, it’s rare that he’s nervous, “And last night? Last night was super hard because I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I thought about you and how you tasted. How you’re just laying in the next room. I had to take another long shower, thought of you when I did it.”

Y/N has to chuckle at the image and it makes her light headed. He thought of her? 

“So,” Dean says, pecks her lips again, “What do you say? You game? While you’re here we could have some fun?”

Y/N lets his words sink in. 

While she’s here they could have some fun. Yeah, they could. She’s clearly attracted to him, and he might be to her either. They’re adults, right? Sex works without feelings, you don’t have to love someone to have great sex, right? 

She stands on her tiptoes, hooks her arms around his necks and looks at him. He has a frown on his face, and he looks at her expectantly. 

And when she nods, Dean smiles, crashes his mouth on hers, kisses her wantonly, teeth biting down on her bottom lips, making her yelp up into his mouth. 

Dean pins her to the wall, presses his body closer, his hand goes from her hips to behind her back to knead at her ass and she arches her back, giving him better access. She can feel that he’s hard right now.

“Jesus, fuck—,” Dean pants, “I’m so hard I could pound nails.” He thrusts his hips, and it gives her just the right friction. 

Y/N giggles against his lips and Dean shuts her up with a bruising kiss. His hands go back to her hips, turns her around roughly and she braces her hand on the walls to soften the impact. His mouth kisses her cheeks, goes down her jawline and nibbles at her throat and she arches her back, drives her ass into his bulge while his fingers dig into the seam of her yoga pants at her ass, tearing the fabric in two.

“Dean!”

“I’ll buy you new ones,” His lips suck at her pulse point, tongue wet and hot on her skin, tears some more so that her pants are hanging down her legs, only now held together by the elastic band around her waist.

His long fingers move her string aside, strokes along the crack of her ass to the front, groans when he feels that she’s soaked there. 

“Fuck,” She curses and arches her back some more. It feels so good to have someone else touching her there other than herself. 

Dean groans when he feels that she’s soaked, and he whispers into her neck, “Can— can I fuck you? I don’t think I can sit through a meeting knowing that you’re going to be here. All ready and fucking wet for me.”

God, his words turn her on so much.

“Ye-ah,” Her breathing hitches, because he slips in a finger and he groans out some more at that.

Dean sucks in her skin on her neck, lets it go with a huff of breath and a grin and pulls his finger out. He has to chuckle when he hears her whimper at the loss. He takes a step further away and she hears the metal of his belt buckle. She stays pinned there, doesn’t dare to move but she wriggles her ass and it might make her look needy, which she really is. 

She hears a hiss when Dean frees his cock, can hear him spit into his hands and he’s probably working his own dick and god, she wants to see. 

“Look at you, fuck—” He comes closer, his hand squeezing her ass, fingers spanning wide. He spanks down on them too, making her yelp up and then he threads his fingers through her folds ones more before she hears shuffling behind her, and there’s his fucking tongue at her center, his nose buried deep into the crack of her ass. 

“Oh fuck,” She lets out a huff of breath and lowers her forehead to the cold wall. And she can’t help it, she has to arch her back, pushing her ass into Dean’s face and he hums, while his tongue twirls around her entrance. She hears the wet sound of Dean working his own dick while he licks into her.

“You taste so fucking good,” He mumbles, licks another broad stripe, slurps up her juice and she keens above him.

After a while he comes up again, kisses from her shoulder up her neck, his mouth is wet. His hard cock rests between her ass cheeks and he thrust his hips, can’t not stay still, cursing under his breath, “Fuck, I don’t have any condoms because you sent Gabe away.”

“Don’t care,” She manages to say and she’s fucking needy, she doesn’t care anymore because she feels his heavy and hard dick between her cheeks and she wants it inside.

“You sure?” 

“Fuck me already,” She drives her ass back, wriggles with it and Dean has to chuckle. 

He takes his dick into his hand, threads the tip through her slick and rests it at the entrance of her cunt. Dean lowers his head to her throat, sucks on a patch of skin before he pushes in. 

“Oh shit,” She moans out, throws her head back a little and Dean drives his teeth into her throat at the feeling and holds her skin between his teeth as he dives in further.

Dean goes in agonizing slow, but she needs that, needs time to adjust and to accommodate his girth. He's big, at least bigger than the dicks she had, which aren’t really many, but that’s not the point. He works his way inside and she stretches around him, helps him by moving her hips to make it easier. Dean groans out when he’s sheathed all the way inside.

“God you’re so deep,” She grits her teeth.

Dean’s panting hard and he kisses a way up her throat until he kisses the sensitive skin below her ear, he doesn’t move just yet. “You okay?” He whispers.

“Yeah,” She says, has to take another deep breath, “Yeah. Are you?”

“‘M trying not to come. You feel so good, fuck—” He hisses and then he composes himself, “When was the last time you done this?” His hip starts to move slowly, fucking up into her as deep as he can go and moves out far enough to just leave the tip in, only to repeat his movements. His hands are all over her, up below her shirt to knead at her tits through her sport bra, on her hips, around her waist, on her ass as he spanks her twice and spreads her wide to watch his dick going in and out of her cunt.

“God, I don’t know, maybe six months ago? Why?” She doesn’t really understand why they’re talking about this. She can’t really concentrate with his dick making her feel so fucking good.

“It feels like you’ve never done this before, you’re so goddamn tight, Jesus! Tightest little pussy,” His hands fists in her hair, yanks her head back so he can whisper into her ear, “You like my cock, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” She manages to say, his other hand is on her throat.

“Uh-huh?” Dean whispers, “Look at you taking my dick like a good girl,”

Fuck, he’s talks so dirty and it turns her on so much. She’s grinning, enjoys the feel of him pounding into her. Dean moves faster now, fucks the laugh right off her face.

After a while he lets go of her hair, pushes her against the wall once more and his mouth is always on her, nibbling, kissing and sucking the skin of her cheek, throat, the back of her neck. He fucks her deep, hard, she’s going to be sore, she just knows it. But it’s good. So fucking good because his cock curves at the tip, it rubs at her spot on the inside and she’s so fucking close. 

“Dean, I’m— I—” Shit, she can’t even say anything coherent. Her nails dig into the wall.

“Come for me, baby,” He nibbles down her jaw, sucks at her pulse point once more, one of his hands sneaks around the front, rubs along her clit.

Baby.

That does it. 

She shakes around him and her pussy squeezes and pushes at his dick so hard it slips right out, but Dean grabs it and pushes it right back in to fuck her through her orgasm.

“Good girl,” Dean pants, his thrust starts to falter right after, “Baby, where do you want me to come?” 

“Come in me,” She whispers, “I want you to come deep in me,”

“Jesus fuck,” He bites down her shoulder and holds his breath as he buries himself balls deep inside of her. He’s trembling, his hips jerk.

He breathes through his nose, his mouth still on skin, and he shudders. Dean sucks at the skin that bears his bite mark, soothes it with his warm tongue. “Jesus, I couldn’t even warn you. You saying things like that made me explode.”

She chuckles, her hand goes up to cup at his cheek, she can feel the prickle of his scruff.

“Shit,” Dean lowers his forehead to her shoulder, and she scratches at the short hair on the back of his head, “I have to go back to the meeting I kinda left in a hurry.”

“You left a meeting?” She frowns, “An important one?”

“Kinda? Donatello was about to present me with the numbers of the west coast. I gave them a thirty minutes break,” He chuckles, “I ran here. Couldn’t risk you leaving.”

“Jesus Christ, Dean, go back, now!”

“I am,” He growls and pulls himself upright. It also means that he’s slipping out of her and she squirms at the empty feeling, hates it already.

Dean’s cum drips to the floor and she turns around, still leaning against the wall because she doesn’t know if her legs will be able to hold her up. There’s cum splatters between them and she can see that while Dean tucks himself in, he’s looking on the floor, hesitant about cleaning it up and knowing that he’ll show up even later if he does it.

“Go! I got this!” She tells and Dean nods at her, zips up his pants. While he is securing his belt, she helps him right his tie. 

“I’ll smell like sex.” Dean smirks.

“Just run back, then you’ll smell of sweat.”

He snorts out a laugh, “Right, we’re good?”

“Yeah,”

He raises his eyebrows as if he doesn’t believe her, “You’re not leaving?”

“Nu-uh,” 

How can she? How is she supposed to leave now? Now that she knows that it was all for her?

Dean smiles, grabs her by the waist to pull her close, his fingers skim over the bite mark on her shoulder, “‘M sorry bout that,” 

Y/N shakes her head, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

He smiles and leaves a last lingering kiss, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

She nods and watches him leave. Her pussy’s still pulsing and she feels hot and wet, Dean’s cum is running down her legs when she walks to the kitchen, leaving a trail behind. 

Well, there goes her workout, instead she'll get on all fours and clean up the mess they made. 

After she cleans up, she sits in the hallway, right at the very spot that Dean just fucked her and leans her head back and closes her eyes. 

Oh my god, she just fucked her boss, or more like, he just fucked her! If that isn’t fucked up, she doesn’t know what is.

CH06

[mangolover]

Hi! Your writing about Bennett was awesome!!! And I was wondering maybe I could request Bennett x reader headcanons (maybe modern AU) comforting reader who is stressed about school/upcoming tests? Gender neutral. If it's too complicated then I'm so sorry! You absolutely can decide to not do this request! But please let me know if you decide so I will know if I should expect it!

Hey!

I’m really glad you liked it! I honestly adore Bennett so I’ll write for him whenever I get the chance, hehe. And I lowkey didn’t know how much I need this until I wrote it and read it.🥰

I really like this idea and I hope you’ll like this headcanons. Also I’m sorry if you only wanted hcs, but I just can’t manage to write them without having a little drabbles/scenarios in between.😅

But without further ado, here is Benny comforting us! (I think he may be my comfort character at this point👀)

Bennett comforting his s/o that’s stressed about upcoming exams

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Warnings: mentions of dehydration, (lowkey) starvation, exhaustion, slight mentions of blood and injury

Spoilers: none I believe

Modern AU

Please drink some water, get some rest and eat something. It will all be okay.

Also this is based on the school sytem in my country in Europe. I’m not as lucky as some of you that don’t have much subjects. I have 18 subjects lol. :’D

Bennett

You had to cancel yet another one of your dates because you had to study for the upcoming oral exam that was next week. You had to learn all the materials you learned this year so far and refresh your memory of the last year’s.

But that was only one subject, you had 12 other classes that had upcoming exams and all of that got you on the edge. You would study 24/7, sometimes even forgetting to eat until you had a feeling like your stomach acid was eating away the stomach itself. And not to mention low-key dehydration, exhaustion and stress leaving you with severe headaches.

You felt really bad because you just didn’t feel like you know everything that you needed to know to get a good grade. This year was important to you since the next year is your last year and if you wanted to get in good college, you needed to ace those two years.

And so, your overthinking and stressing has once again left you no choice but to pull an all-nighter and take a raincheck on your movie date.

You pulled out your phone and opened the texting app, sending Benny a text.

‘Hey Benny, I’m sorry but I’ll have to take a raincheck on our movie date tonight. I don’t think I’m ready for the upcoming oral exam and I’ll probably just stress during the whole movie so I’ll study the whole night and we can have this date soon then.’

You felt guilty as you hit sent and waited for Benny’s reply. Soon he was online and he opened your text. You saw him start typing and your mind went into overthinking mode once again. What if he gets upset? Maybe I could study during the movie so I can spend some time with him!

‘Hey y/n.’

‘Don’t worry it’s fine! I know how important this is to you, don’t worry about it okay? Just please don’t overwork yourself and don’t stress so much, I believe you will do amazing! 👍’

How can he be so fricking adorable?

In reality, Bennett was really worried about you. He put away his text book and stared at your message. You canceled so many dates lately and when you did see him, you looked so tired, your eyebags visible from a mile away. You probably didn’t sleep enough. Not to mention hydrate.

He really considered going to your house to comfort you, but as he got up from bed to start getting ready and making his way to you, he fell on the floor and had a breakthrough. Eureka!

He instead decided to go visit you tomorrow and bring you your favorite food and some fruit flavored water. And then, he will bring some rom-com movie you two can enjoy and cuddle you to sleep. And as a cherry on top, he decided to bake you your favorite dessert!

If only our Bennett wasn’t so unlucky and clumsy.

Not only did he mess up the dessert, letting it stay in the oven for a tad bit too long, he grabbed the wrong movie, instead picking up a copy of the cartoon Ice Age. And he fell and scratched his knee on his way to your home. So, when he finally got to you, he only teeny-tiny bit looked like a mess.

But fear not because he will comfort you even if that’s the last thing he do!

After you recovered from the first shock of seeing him show up with some delicious, hot and fresh food (that has not been affected by any elements) you took care of his little bloody scratch.

After that you two ate the food, even eating some of the dessert that has not been burnt, at least you didn’t eat the burnt ones, Bennett probably ate them and gave you only the best ones. He made sure you drink plenty of water and went to pharmacy to buy you some painkillers for your aching head.

And then, finally, movie time.

“Uh… y/n, I-I made a mistake. I accidentally grabbed the copy of Ice Age… I’m sorry.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s exactly what I need right now, I love that movie!”

You two got comfortable in your bed, you laid your head on Bennett’s chest, hugging his torso. One of his hands was around your waist, keeping you close and the other was rubbing your arm in soothing motion. Your legs were intertwined and Benny made sure you were extra comfortable.

The movie started and about half way in he could feel your even breathing and hear little snores coming from your slightly opened mouth. That’s what he wanted. He wanted you to get some sleep so he decided to carefully turn off the TV so you two could get some rest. But in his clumsy attempt to not wake you up that’s exactly what he did.

“Uhm, what’s wrong?” your voice was hoarse and with thick layer of sleep.

“I’m sorry,” he gave you his dazzling smile, “nothing’s wrong. Let’s rest for a bit.”

You hummed in approval and snuggled closer into his chest, letting his rapid heartbeat lull you to sleep as he watched you with flushed cheeks.

Man, he’s really happy he managed to help you relax for a bit, he loves you and he can’t bear the thought of you stressing so much to the point of risking getting sick.

He kept you close and warm while you slept. His affection giving you the much-needed comfort.

When you wake up be sure he will make sure you have a proper meal and drink a lot of water. Then he will study with you, making you laugh a bit by being his goofy, positive self. And then he’ll try asking you questions about the stuff you’re learning to prove to you that you do know enough for a good grade.

Expect a lot of compliments like “You’re so smart y/n!” and “Good job, y/n! I knew you could learn this!” and a lot of words of encouragement.

And for every correct answer you get a hug, kiss on the cheek and a smile or laugh from Bennett, to help you motivate.

If you actually get the answer wrong, don’t worry! Benny’s here to make you laugh! He would say stuff like “Don’t worry y/n, I’m sure you’ll get the next one! You’ll still ace this exam, I believe in you!” AND his adorable smile. If you however still feel down, you’ll get a tight embrace and a peck on the tip of your nose.

And don’t be afraid to ask him to do this “study dates” more often because he loves seeing you being happy and relaxed while also helping you, and he’s also having a lot of fun giving you your rewards.

Also is it obvious I prefer cartoons over rom-coms?

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

JINJER'S TATIANA SHMAYLUK: "I WILL GET REVENGE"

Go inside the Ukrainian metal group's new album 'Wallflowers'

Jinjer has teamed up with Revolver for a limited-edition bundle that includes the band's Summer cover story and a Wallflowers vinyl variant on 180g white wax. It's limited to only 300 copies — pick up yours now.

Tatiana Shmayluk wants revenge from beyond the grave.

As a woman fronting Ukraine's biggest metal band, she deals with endless bullshit. Comments. Snide remarks. Trolls. These dudes — and they are all dudes — might doubt her motivations. They might have something to say about her looks. Her clothes. Her uncompromising attitude. They might even attempt to throw shade on her high-flying vocal acrobatics or ferocious performances. But attempt is the key word here — in any and all cases.

Shmayluk is having none of it. If she can survive an upbringing in war-torn Ukraine, she can survive the haters. If she busted out of Eastern European obscurity to become an international star, the shit-talkers cannot touch her. If she can be held up as a role model by young women around the world, the power clowns cannot clown her.

Besides, there is post-mortem retribution to consider: "When I die, I will get their asses."

She says this with a laugh, perhaps because she understands that most of the people reading this won't believe it. But make no mistake: She means it.

Then again, undead reprisals won't be necessary. As it turns out, revenge is a dish best served with a heaping side of unmitigated success. Shmayluk fronts Jinjer, one of the premiere djent-prog bands on the planet. As of this writing, they have over 250 million cross-platform streams and views. They have nearly half a million monthly listeners on Spotify. Their 2017 live studio performance of "Pisces" — arguably their biggest song — has over 51 million views on YouTube.

Shmayluk and her bandmates — guitarist Roman Ibramkhalilov, bassist Eugene Abdukhanov and drummer Vladislav "Vladi" Ulasevich — somehow manage to combine metalcore, djent, prog, nu-metal and even R&B and reggae into a musical style all their own. Not bad for a group of young musicians from a conflict-ridden corner of the world that most Americans can't even point to on a map.

On the day Shmayluk and Abdukhanov speak with Revolver, Jinjer are in France recording their set for Hellfest's "Hellfest at Home" streaming event, which will replace the beloved annual metal festival — usually held in the sleepy French village of Clisson — with pre-recorded and contact-free sets from some of metal's heaviest and most popular bands. Such is life in what we hope are the waning days of the pandemic.

"Things with the pandemic are way worse in Ukraine than in the United States," Abdukhanov tells us. "Very few people have managed to get vaccinated. We are in line and waiting our turn. And because we haven't had the vaccine, we had to stay in quarantine here in France for seven days. We had to pay for this extra task just to be able to come here. It's a deep pain in the ass."

"In Ukraine, the shops will be open today but closed tomorrow," Shmayluk adds. "It's constantly on and off. But I didn't go sit in restaurants and things like this, anyway. I want to just be at home."

Both Shmayluk and Abdukhanov spent the early days of the COVID outbreak in Los Angeles. Jinjer were in Mexico when the remainder of their Latin American tour was cancelled, so Abdukhanov went to see his pregnant wife. Shmayluk went to visit her boyfriend, Alex Lopez of deathcore troupe Suicide Silence. She stayed for the remainder of her visa. "I was addicted to Amazon," she says. "Every day I ordered something. I got my first DSLR camera and some other photography equipment. Me and Alex got a huge fish tank — the Rolls-Royce of fish tanks. And then another tank. And another tank ..."

"Our American tour was supposed to start in April 2020, and it had not been cancelled yet," Abdukhanov explains. "We didn't know the situation fully, so we thought it might still happen — or part of it, maybe. So, it seemed reasonable to just stay in America. Of course, by the beginning of April the tour was cancelled, and it was clear that this thing would last very long."

The pandemic's enforced downtime did have a creative upside: Jinjer wrote and recorded their new album, Wallflowers. "For the first time in our whole career, we finally had time to write songs, practice them and go to the studio very well prepared," Abdukhanov says. This time around, drummer Ulasevich wrote the bulk of the material. Before he got started, the band collectively decided that they had to branch out from their last album, 2019's Macro.

"We knew for sure that we had to change the sound because we couldn't allow our album to sound the same," Abdukhanov offers. "All of us wanted some-thing new, and we had a very clear picture: We wanted the bass and guitars to be very aggressively distorted. Vlad, as always, had a very clear idea of how to change his drum sound and drum parts. As for the music, we never try to expect something from our new material. We just write music and let it flow. I think this will never change for us."

The result is somehow Jinjer's most aggressive and melancholy album to date. From the anguished, woozy groove of opener "Call Me a Symbol" and the dizzying, caustic metalcore of "Copycat" to the moody seesaw of "Vortex" and the airy, ominous dreamscape of the title track, Wallflowers is next-level Jinjer. "A lot of new elements are on this album," Abdukhanov confirms. "For people who are not familiar with our music, it can be complicated listening. But I think our fans are prepared for it. They got used to expecting what they don't expect."

At first, Shmayluk wanted to call the album As I Boil Ice, after Jinjer's new song of the same name. But the title didn't fit with the floral cover art they had already selected. They added an icicle to the image, but that didn't seem to help the situation. They ultimately decided on Wallflowers, which relates to both the artwork and Shmayluk's lyrics. "When I started writing lyrics, it was January 2021 and I was back in Kiev," she says. "Alex had come to visit, but it was time for him to fly back home to L.A. We had spent a lot of time together and now I had to learn to be alone. I didn't want to do anything socially oriented. I was just walking in circles in my apartment, making a huge hole in the floor."

Shmayluk's self-imposed isolation, underscored by the pandemic, set the stage for a more personal approach to her lyrics. At first, she started writing in Russian. Then she switched to English. "Vortex" was the first song she finished. "It's about a person who overthinks a lot," she explains. "Have you ever experienced that thing where you just cannot escape your thoughts? Your head becomes so heavy, like a ball of lead. It's about to explode. It can lead to depression, basically: You cannot stop, and you fall into it. That's the vortex."

As of this writing, "Vortex" is set to be the album's first single. The band has already filmed a video for the track. Shmayluk hopes the song can provide a kind of temporary support system for those who might need it. "Sometimes songs help me to overcome my emotional issues," she says. "Even with sad songs, they can make you feel you are not the only one who feels this way. It really eases your pain if you can find compassion to heal a sad heart."

Album closer "Mediator" is the result of an online personality test that Shmayluk took at the suggestion of a friend. "I'm always ready to do some psychology and self-analysis," she enthuses. "The result I got was 'mediator,' which has to do with compassionate, sensitive people. I feel this is basically another word for 'introvert' or 'wallflower' — it's all connected."

"But the song is about when I was younger," she adds. "I was an idealist. I wanted to see things as perfect and people as kind. But the reality is harsh. You grow up and you realize you still have a lot to learn — a lot of lessons that can't be taught in school. Life lessons."

The title track directly addresses the album's over-riding theme: Shmayluk's struggles as an introvert. "I've met a lot of people who have no idea what extraversion or introversion is," she says. "I explain it in this song so that hopefully people can relate. Introversion can be a problem for people who think that there's something wrong with them. If you are a wallflower in school, for example, people will mock you and bully you. When you grow up, you will realize you were just born this way."

"Society rejects people like her," Abdukhanov adds. "Society rejects people who stay inside. They think there's something wrong with these people because they are not part of a herd."

"That's true," Shmayluk says. "It's been hard for me to fit in with most people."

Which is probably why she feels so close to her bandmates in Jinjer. "They are my best friends and almost my only friends," she says. "It's really hard for me, as an introvert, to find new friends. Most people want an open book. They want you to just blah-blah-blah all the time. That's how they get information about you. But you have to read me if you want to know me, and most people are too lazy to do that."

"They want everything fast," Abdukhanov adds. "We live in a consumer society, and people are consumers even in relationships. In a way, you could say this album is like a manual for dealing with introverts."

"If you are patient with an introvert, you will discover the treasure," Shmayluk says. "You will have a friend for life. I think it takes a year or two to get to know me, and then dude ... you cannot shut me up!"

Abdukhanov knows Shmayluk better than most. They've been in Jinjer together for a decade. "Over the last 10 years, I think I saw her and talked to her more than anyone else," he says. "Because we're constantly on tour. We went through the nine circles of hell together. We played small clubs with only 10 people in front of us, and now we play huge stages for thousands of people around the world. This journey made us a family."

Of course, the haters are still out there. Lurking. Judging. Commenting. "I try not to read comments, but sometimes it is impossible not to see anything," Abdukhanov says. "I helped to manage some of our social media, and I cannot help but see some exchanges. But it doesn't hurt me much, fortunately."

"We are strong," Shmayluk says. "And I will get revenge."

[lesbiancarat]

Book anon!! Seeing the boys be back feels so wild in a good way like suddenly we have so much happening from pics, video performances, future jun solo stuff again and hoshi solo!?! To speculate, the spider logo gives me Spiderman vibes so is this hoshi saying he is Peter Parker lol? Like I know I said I missed the boys but my gosh they don't have to dump EVERYTHING on us lol

To slightly still talk about the mingyu situation (which I hope its alright!) I found something annoying during all of this that you echoed and some anon's said and it was how QUICK some fans were dismiss OP1 with her experience and feelings, making it seem like mingyu is the one that had it worst. Now by all means, it is upsetting to know that yes this will follow mingyu and the rest of the boys till the end of time. Sadly we cannot change that, all we can do is correct people on the situation so I do kinda feel bad BUT to say mingyu is "completely innocent and not at fault" makes me confused because ??? He isn't, not fully. Do people forget that he ADMITS to saying jokes. Yes not towards OP but he still said such jokes and to me, that doesn't mean he is innocent. He admits his faults and takes accountability to that, I give kudos for ya know? Like yes he is my bias but my gosh I am not going to claim he didn't do wrong when well...he did. It frustrates me that fans suddenly forget that the main cause of chaos (at least internationally for fans) was of that horrible mistranslations. I'm sure kfans were also upset but seeing icarats demand pledis to S word OP1 when that isn't the right mindset. I had some hope fans would be smart, especially after the news we found out about mistranslations and all but looks like this fandom isn't safe from bad apples =/ this makes me confused like how do people just idk, not have their morals i guess, when it comes to their faves?

For me, where i stand with mingyu is im disappointed that mingyu said jokes but I'm willing to give him a chance so to speak, like I'm a bit more ok with say reblogging content a out him. For anons that I saw who said they need time, that is valid! It is ok to take a step back from the member, group or fandom! This fandom space should make you happy and comfy and with what has happened, things are rocky and your feelings are valid! Never doubt yourself for overthinking or saying you're a bad fan bc you are not. If you do decide to leave the fandom, I hope despite the dark cloud with what happened, you can remember the warm sunshine (aka happy moments) from the fandom and boys. Its ok to no longer be a fan, things change and we change as people. It is also ok to not be apart of the fandom while being a fan (how im sort of in with bts). It may seem like you're the only one feeling like this but you are not! Do what makes you comfy to my fellow carats! If you are ready to comeback, I am here with cookies. And if not, I am also here with cookies!

*clears throat* to move on a bit, for the hybe naming, ahh that makes more sense! Thanks for clearing that up, I guess I miss read the article I read. I saw you mentioned pledis might be moving and oof, that kinda hurts. I sort of thought they wouldn't due to it just being an investment but should have seen it coming. I will miss that green room

right? it kind of feels like they went from 0 to 100 with the content dhfkfj

and yeah i agree, it's frustrating that it seems like a lot of people can't see or understand the nuance of the situation. i think maybe some people are trying to overcompensate for the mistranslations which had such serious accusations, and i think others are just uncomfortable with the idea that celebrities can make mistakes and be forgiven (as in, they think the only way celebs can be "forgiven" is if they were completely innocent in the first place. otherwise they must be cancelled and since they don't want to cancel mg he must be 100% innocent!). but i don't think either of those, or any reason really, justifies the lack of compassion for any of the OPs. it's possible to have conflicts where no party is a villain, actually

i do think the correct response for carats as a whole is to start moving on. the conflict between OP1 and mingyu has been resolved between the two of them, and the other claims were proven false. if OP1 is satisfied, there's no need for carats or non carats to call for mg to be punished further. but on the other side of that, which as you mentioned is more of a problem currently, there's no reason to punish (ie sue) any of the OPs. as i said in my other post, the OPs are still victims even if mg wasn't the perpetrator of the other claims. if even an institution whose primary purpose is to make money (ie pledis) can look at the situation and be like 'hey, it wouldn't be right to try to prosecute these people so we're not going to' then i think that's a sign that to sue these people would be unjust

but also to clarify when I say carats as a whole should move on i mean there's no collective action we can or should take that would be helpful. i don't mean that every individual should force themselves to move on before they're ready. as I've said before and as you've said, i think any carat that needs more time to process and isn't ready to go back to doing normal fan stuff, or those who won't ever be and decide to leave the fandom are totally valid! i second everything you said in that regard, everyone should do what makes them most comfortable ^^

also you say it makes more sense but you may have been right in the first place OTL. i mean what i said before about there being 3 different entities is true. before there was Bighit co. ltd, Bighit labels, and bighit entertainment. We know Bighit co. ltd is being renamed to HYBE and we know that bighit entertainment is Not being renamed, but it's the Bighit labels that's where the confusion lies. i /thought/ bh labels wasn't being renamed but i watched their rebranding presentation since i answered your last ask and it sounds like it is being renamed to HYBE labels. they haven't changed the youtube channel name yet though which is kind of what I'm waiting for so i guess we'll see?

yeah people have been talking for ages about how all the artists are gonna be in the new building and i was always kind of skeptical. i thought it was more likely that pledis would just have a few offices in the bh building rather than relocating their Entire Company lmao but it looks like that's what's happening. it is a nice facility, but yeah it's a bit bittersweet to say goodbye to both of the pledis buildings since so many things happened there 😭

[hopelessromanticvirgo]

Social Media Aus

Ground Control To Us

Summary: Sander is a singer and does a lot of covers and has a band with his best friend Senne. One of his hobby is drawing and he often posts his work on his social media. He’s quite famous and has a YouTube channel for his music and also for fun with Senne. Robbe is a pretty normal kid, he’s going to high school and he’s just trying to survive. It’s not a secret that he has the biggest crush on his favorite singer but the thing that nobody knows is that he has a fan account which is his personal diary to confess his love to this boy. Their world is about to turn upside down when Senne suggests doing “going undercover as a fan” video for their channel. Sander thinks that it’s pretty cool idea but what happens when he will start messaging to the most followed fan page of his and realize that he never wants to stop talking to them.

Number 134

Summary: Robbe has always liked psychology. His biggest wish was to help people since he was a little kid. He is on his first year of university and to pay for his studying, he decided to send his CV to one of the most popular online help/chat center’s office. Because of his grades, he got accepted. He has been watched for a few months now and he has been learning how to talk and act with people who need therapy and emotional support. And when they decided that Robbe was ready to start and volunteer as a listener, they gave him his first “subject” to work on, which happens to be a boy, who just attempted suicide because of how painful his depression episode was. Will Robbe be able to help him and save him from his thoughts or will the whole thing, filled with unholy secrets and painful emotions take a very different turn and just destroy both of them more?

Metro’s Crush

Summary: Robbe is happy, he’s confident and out of the closet. He’s senior, just got back to school after managing and surviving the pandemic and boredom. And no matter how amazing and wonderful his life is right now, he can’t seem to be fully happy. It all started in 2018, when he saw the boy he fell in love with at first sight and has been looking for him ever since. He saw him on the metro and can’t get him out of his mind, because Robbe is sure, that beautiful boy is his soulmate. After seeing him, one day his best friend, Jens mentioned something about a pretty popular Facebook group named “Metro’s crush” where people posted stuff about their crush which they saw on the metro, and Robbe decided to give it a shot and posted about his mysterious boy. But his hopes kept getting more and more crushed when the time passed and he never got a response. The boy he was looking for, wasn’t in the group. And before he even realized, two years have passed. But he believes, they are meant to be together and when he saw him, again on the metro, he knew the universe was helping him. The only thing Robbe has to do is to go up to him and not make the same mistake of letting him go again. The boy has completely changed since the last time he saw him, and Robbe didn’t realize how many problems he’d have, on the way of making the boy fall in love with him.

Sincerely, Always Yours

Summary: One would say that Robbe and Sander were inseparable, always glued to each other’s side and together, but another would argue and say that even if Robbe was the dearest friend to Sander, they couldn’t say the same about Robbe. Robbe’s best friend has always been Jens, since the day they met and no matter how hard Sander tried, he was never the one and that fact was breaking his heart every day. But the things got way worse when Robbe confessed having some feelings for Jens which completely destroyed Sander, but he was trying to be as supportive as he could, silently crying himself to sleep every time Robbe’d cancel their plans to hang out with Jens instead. But Sander couldn’t do anything, until one day when he was reading some book, glancing at his phone on his desk ever now and then, desperately waiting for Robbe’s message when he got a weird thought. He was curious if Robbe would look at him differently if he knew that the person who was in love with him, wasn’t Sander, if Sander somehow managed to get out of the terrifying box that was called “the friend zone.” Robbe was so dazed about the idea of Jens that he was blind to see Sander next to him, begging for his attention and affection and that’s when Sander decided that maybe if he couldn’t admit his feelings for the brunet himself, afraid to destroy their relationship, maybe he could do it by pretending to be somebody he wasn’t. Just to see if Robbe would treat him any differently if he didn’t know that Sander was hiding behind those feelings. Overthinking about this, Sander didn’t realize how he created a new Instagram account, didn’t realize how he clicked on the follow button and definitely didn’t realize how he sent a message. Maybe it was just destined to happen like this.

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

BTS Reaction| Their s.o overthinks everything

Namjoon

Namjoon could tell something was bothering you by the way you were continuously sighing at your phone. He puts his book down and grabs your phone as well and places them both on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“Do you think my friend is mad at me? They haven’t answered me back in hours.” 

“Did you say anything to make them mad at you?”

“I mean I don’t think so.. But I don’t know sometimes I say things without realizing it could be taken the wrong way.” 

“Let me see your phone.” You hand it to him and he reads over the conversation.  “The last thing you said was ‘yeah I agree!’ Why would they be mad at you for that?”

“I don’t know! I just overthink things sometimes..” 

“Why don’t you just ask them if you said anything wrong?” You think it over and realize he’s right. There’s no reason for your friend to be mad but you can’t help but think maybe you did something to annoy them. You text them and ask them, only to have them reassure you that their phone just went dead and they weren’t angry with you at all. You sigh in relief. 

“Thank you, Namjoon.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Next time just talk things out. Then you won’t have time to overthink things and worry so much.”

Jin

Your boss had just sent you an email, saying they wanted to have a meeting to discuss your performance at work. As soon as you read over the email you were panicking. How were you supposed to go into work now with these worries going to be constantly on your mind? The meeting wasn’t until after lunch. Jin woke up and saw you staring at your phone, not moving. 

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” You hand him your phone and he reads over the email.

“I’m going to get fired.” 

“What? Why on earth do you think that?”

“How else am I supposed to take it? ‘Discuss my work performance?’ That sounds horrible! Oh gosh what did I do? Did I mess up with a customer? Did I not document something properly?” Jin can see all of the racings thoughts in your head and he sets your phone down on the bed before pulling you to lay back down with him. 

“Y/n listen to me. Stop over thinking for a moment.” You turn your gaze on him. “You literally just told me the other day your boss complimented your work and said you were going to go far in the company. Why would they now be firing you?” You let his words sink in for a moment for you relax.

“Okay, you’re right. Sorry. I know I overthink things a lot but I can’t help it.” Jin kisses your forehead and pulls away with a smile. 

“Don’t apologize for something you can’t help. Now go get ready and text me as soon as you know what the meeting is for! Maybe they’re going to promote you.” And sure enough he was right. Your boss did offer you a higher position and praised your work. You send Jin a quick thank you text, and he offers to take you out to dinner to celebrate. 

Yoongi

Gonna be late getting home tonight. You don’t have to wait up for me. 

You read over the message a couples times, wondering if you had done something to annoy him. He was very short with you, no explanation, no idea of when he’d be home. Did you make him angry? Did he need time away from you? The wheels are turning in your head before another text comes through. 

I can practically hear the thoughts buzzing around in your head through the phone. Don’t over think, love. I’m just caught up at the studio. I promise I will be home as soon as I can but I don’t want to tell you a time incase its takes longer. I don’t want you to worry. 

You smile. He seems to be able to read you so easily and can instantly set your mind at ease with just one simple text. 

Okay, Yoongi. I’ll try to sleep but it’s hard for me to go to bed without you. 

You trying to make me feel guilty so I hurry home?

Me? I would never. Now who’s the one overthinking things. 

You’re something else you know that? I guess I can bring some of my stuff home and work on it. 

Yoongi, no. You don’t have to abandon your work for me! I was just teasing you!

I’d rather finish it at home next to you anyway. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. 

Hoseok

I am so sorry y/n but I’m going to have to cancel our date tonight. Got caught up at the studio and I can’t leave for a while. The other members need help with the new choreography. 

You read over the message and couldn't help the slew of negative thoughts that entered into your head. Maybe he was just tired of you and wanted to break up. Or perhaps he was mad at you for the other day when you accidentally broke his favorite coffee cup. He told you he wasn’t angry, accidents happen. But maybe he really was more mad than he let on? You couldn’t stop thinking about it and found yourself laying in bed staring up at the ceiling the rest of the night wondering if you were going to have to move out and find a new place tomorrow. Your thoughts are interrupted when the bedroom door slowly creaks open. 

“Sunshine are you still awake?” You nod your head and Hoseok shuts the door quietly behind him. “Something on your mind?”  You shake your head. “Ah now you know I don’t believe you right? I can tell something is bothering you. What’s up buttercup?” You can’t help but chuckle at the nickname. Hoseok sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you up to sit next to him. 

“You’re not angry with me are you?”

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“You cancelled our date.. is this because of the coffee cup because I can buy you a new one!” Hoseok stares at you wide eyed.

“Wait a minute what? You think I cancelled our date because I was angry about the cup? Y/n you realize that’s ridiculous right?”

“Of course I realize it but I can’t help but overthink things they just won’t stop.” Hoseok sighs and brings you in for a comforting hug, placing a kiss to the top of your head. 

“I’m not angry with you y/n, I never was. I really did have to stay late for the practice the guys needed my help. I didn’t want to cancel on you, believe me.” 

“You promise?”

“I promise. Now come with me. I’m all sweaty from practice and I want to relax in the bath with you. We can talk about how I’m going to make up cancelling on you, okay?”

Jimin

Hey, can we talk about something? Can you meet me at the dance studio? I’m stuck at practice but it can’t wait.

You read over the text from Jimin and your mind immediately goes into overdrive. Is he breaking up with you? Surely that must be it. Why else would he say it’s so urgent? He literally can’t stand to be with you for a second longer? The tears are already forming on your face and you try to will them away, only to fail. You take out your phone, hands shaking as you somehow manage to text him back with your vision blurred.

Of course I’ll be there soon.

You think about your relationship over the past year on the way over. You try to pinpoint any moment where you might have done something or said something that would make him not want to be with you anymore. He had been shyer with you lately, moving away from your touches and seemed to be distracted when you hung out together. Which was extremely unusual for him. You continue perseverating on this thought the whole way to the studio. You are on autopilot while you walk into the studio and don’t even realize Jimin is trying to get your attention until you smack into him.

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Had you been? You didn’t even notice. His hands come up to wipe your tears away and you move your head away from him. He drops his hands and his expression falls.

“If you’re going to break up with me can you just do it then? Don’t be so kind to me it’s just going to make things worse.”

“B-Break up with you? What?! Y/n why on earth..”

“Why else would you so urgently need me here to talk?” Jimin furrows his brows at you.

“Ah, jagi you are always overthinking things! I am not breaking up with you! The thought has never crossed my mind!” You look at him in confusion.

“Then why?”

“I want you to move in with me.” Well that was unexpected.

“You.. what now?”

“I have been thinking about asking you to move in with me for a while now but every time I tried to ask I got too nervous, worried you might say no. Jin finally knocked some sense into me and I finally had the courage to ask you so I had to get you here ASAP before I chickened out again.” You can’t help it, you laugh in total relief, letting out all of the stress and worry you had been feeling moments ago.

“Jiminie, my lovely boyfriend, a word of advice. Next time you want to talk to me urgently at least let me know it’s nothing bad okay? God you almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Y/n I am so sorry I didn’t even think-” You cut him off by kissing him.

“It’s fine. And I would love to move in with you. Getting to cuddle with you every night? Wake up to your beautiful face? Why wouldn’t I want that?”

Taehyung

“Jagi what’s wrong? You look like you’re worried about something?” You’re sitting on the couch with Taehyung trying to watch a movie, however your mind is elsewhere and you can’t even remember the name of the movie you’re watching. 

“It’s nothing Taehyung. I’m fine. I promise.”

“Hmm, I don’t believe you. What’s the name characters name then?”

“Uh... Jennifer?” Taehyung bursts out laughing. 

“No sweetheart, not even close.” He turns the TV off and grabs you by your hips to shuffle you closer to him. “What’s on your mind?”

“I just.. I don’t know I can’t help but overthink things you know that.” 

“And what are you thinking about? Maybe I can set your mind at ease?”

“Well, we’ve been together for a while now right?”

“Yes.. almost a year. And what a wonderful 11 months it’s been with you.”

“I just.. I don’t know my friend said a lot of relationships fail at the one year mark or right before and I can’t help but worry. What if you get sick of me? What if you want someone better? Someone who’s also famous and understands you and your work? What if-” Your cut off with his lips on yours. 

“Stop saying those things y/n. I’m going to have to have a talk with your friend for putting such ridiculous thoughts in your head. I am never going to leave you. I love you so much. If anything I worry you’ll get tired of me and my clinginess.”

“I would never! I love how affectionate you are it makes me happy.” 

“And that’s the exact same way I feel about you too, lovely. You don’t have to worry at all. I am not going anywhere. You got me for life.” He says with a smile. He leans in to peck your lips again, this time lingering for a little bit longer. All your thoughts and worries immediately went out the window.

“Thank you, Tae.” 

 Jungkook

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, angel?”

“Just overthinking things again.”

“What about?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, because it’s just going to make me think about about it more... And I’m trying to stop doing that.” You let out a sigh. Jungkook settles in close to you on the bed, snuggling against your side. It makes you smile.

“I can help keep your mind off of it if you want?”

“That would be wonderful.”

“Okay come here. Lay down on me.” Jungkook pats his chest and you don’t hesitate to cuddle into him. You feel fingers running through your hair while his other hand lightly trails up and down your back. You relax instantly. A kiss is placed to the top of your head and suddenly he’s singing softly to you.

“Thank you, Kook. You truly are the angel though in this relationship you know?” He giggles at that.

“I don’t know about all that.”

“Shh, don’t argue with me. You’re an angel and that’s final.” He chuckles again under his breath.

“Alright, love. Whatever you say.” He continues singing to you and within moments you are fast asleep, troubles and worries completely forgotten.

[due4amiracle]

Day 174

Listo:

Tomorrow: Throw one thing away, read two chapters, dailies, write on longform, one episode of Tanya.

Throw one thing away - Two Big Boxes and A Little Box and some of that stupid ass large bubble shit. Bleh. Really gonna have to bump this up. Multiple multiple boxes, organization, recleaning the kitchen...bleh.

Read two chapters - Alright and we're done with the book. o__o; It's wild how an author can drag you through the mud slow af for the first 3/4 of a book, and then the last 1/4 89457832598435937955 THINGS ARE HAPPENING LIGHTNING FAST BULLET CURTAIN STYLE HOLY SHIT x_x i'm not saying it was /bad/ per se, and i'm not saying i'm not gonna read the second book, but damn. Pacing, my dude. Whew. So, Mustang rescued, oh shit Mustang is actually Jackal's TWIN SISTER what. Oh. And we win the game! And Jackal/Mustang's Daddy, the ArchGovernor guy, is like "Hey i want to adopt you"??? and so adoption happens and the book ends. What. Alright cool. On to The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin! =^_^=

Dailies -  Done! Today's rolls: Noelle and a club. Fitting. Sigh. It's ok! There's still time...

Write on longform - 197 wods, plus working on Aria's sheet - considering the longform is kinda about her, ya know, i figure i should probably...finish it. Heh. Still not finished. -_-

One episode of Tanya -  Oh Tanya. Consistently fucking yourself over on a constant basis, good job! *clap clap* Something about this whole situation feels sketch as fuuuuuck... hmm... But oh well! What’s the worst that could go wrong. We’ll see tomorrow~!

Other things -

A LOT of youtube oml. What am i even doing? x_x

The...The kitchen light. It stopped working, for a little while. It just. Stopped. Completely. There wasn't even a ~slight flicker~ just absolutely no response to the light switch. And then, a short while ago, Sir went into the kitchen and reflexively switched the light on, while i was in the bathroom. Nothing happened, obviously. However. He forgot to "turn it off", and came to the bathroom - and as i'm talking to him, finishing up and getting ready to stand

Poof on comes the light.

It needed a nap.

i need about 6 years of sleep. -_- It still needs looked at, ofc, so we're still going to have to bump up our cleaning by A Lot, but... squint it's on right now.

What else.

Might have a car - finally - and i'm having such anxiety over it. It costs more than we wanted to pay, which, granted, we were asking for a LOT (using only 1 check, running in decent condition, won't need immediate money put into it) and... fuck omg. We're sitting at:

- It's burning oil between oil changes (it's an '05, 175k miles on it, this is common apparently in older cars?) ok we'll need to actually do oil changes regularly. - If you leave the radio on when turning off the car, it drains the battery...? Sure ok, awesome. We have the battery charger thingy, and we almost never listen to the radio anyways. Still, wtf? - We have $1.2k left, it's $1.5k. Coolcoolcool, borrowing money. - It's in Big City Next Door (45 mins away), which...great, figure out someone to actually go look at the car, make sure there aren't more pressing issues. Get the deed to us. Get to the courthouse somehow and get it all diddly doodled and w/e w/e. Then get the car to us. (Gramps has got a Good Deeds person who is basically a certified mechanic going out to look at it tomorrow, then we'll do hanky-panky with Paypal and get the money to the person. Then the deed will come to us wednesday, we have to get insurance too, can't forget that part, but, get insurance, get the deed diddly doodled (maybe the bus? yay for 2.5 trips ~20 minutes away...?) and then the car would come to us next wednesday) BLEH SO MUCH WORK!

But... we might finally have a car that we can just. Do things in. That would be great.

We'd get to cancel transportation to our vaccinations, maybe even agree to one of the 'hey you can come in and get your vaccination now if you wanted!' calls, get our blood drawn and all that nonsense, the world would become our fuckin' oyster! And such.

That was about it, though.

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: B- Headache, aches and pains all over, feeling grungy Brain: C Anxiety, paranoia, obsessive overthinking, exhaustion. i wasn’t lying about needing about 6 years of sleep. Bleh.

Tomorrow: Throw one thing away, read two chapters, dailies, write on longform, one episode of Tanya.

Ever Onwards and Upwards ಥ﹏ಥ