#There's just also something vaguely Spock-like about him

[rahabs]

Oh no! Other squid for me to love!

[sleepymccoy]

Someone I follow is posting about Spock and McCoy after the Katra sharing, but they're posting canon thoughts and I'm all fanon so I'm making my own post lol

Post Katra headcanons!

Spock swears in Southern when he's tired. He really doesnt like this

McCoy understands a bit of Vulcan, but only when he doesn't know the person isn't speaking English. Like, if they randomly switch to Vulcan he can keep up until it's pointed out

They can feel when the other is experiencing strong emotions. They don't know what emotion, but it's like an itch or a tickle in their throat to say the other is feeling something

They know a bit of each other's specialised knowledge. McCoy is passable at astrophysics now, and Spock is an even more annoying patient since he understands the terminology

They also remember a few private moments of eachother's that they weren't present for. Both politely don't mention this, but do find confusing ways to allude to it

McCoy can cook some Vulcan dishes now. Spock developed a taste for bourbon in the evening that takes everyone by surprise

With great effort Spock can project messages to McCoy. With greater effort McCoy can give Spock a feeling that translates to fuck off

On Vulcan they're legally super duper married and Spock just doesn't mention this. McCoy notices next tax return when he's taxed like a married man, not a single man. Takes him months of asking around to figure out who the government thinks he's married to. He files for divorce without talking to Spock

Spock won't divorce him cos he did carry his Katra, but he'll agree to an annulment. McCoy about pops off with anger

Kirk buys them a wedding gift when he finds out

They don't get the annulment and neither can really put their finger on why. Something about respecting Vulcan culture, cos they'll still be married on Vulcan no matter what

McCoy gets a headache whenever Spock mind melds with someone else

McCoy can initiate a mind meld with Spock, which they both get kinda very into cos their brains feel so good paired back up again. McCoy drunkenly described it as being better than sex to Kirk and the idea of that sticks around something terrible

Their telepathic connection is stronger after a meld, so they start doing it in advance of missions so they can be in touch immediately if things go sideways

If they're apart for a long time the connection will tell them when each other is close by. They've run into each other at conferences or in hotels or once on a transport ship they didn't know the other was booking too. They find each other quickly and easily when they're nearby

This becomes an uncanny capacity to always vaguely know where the other is. McCoy is bad at remembering that he shouldn't know and will volunteer Spock's whereabouts sometimes without thinking

They get good at learning what the various nudges and hints from their connection mean. They can tell different moods apart and send messages that the other can open at their leisure, rather than breaking through and being front of mind

If one of them is injured or captive or just bored as shit they'll sometimes pop into the other's head and basically turn into the back seat driver from hell

With everything they know and learn, they're very fond of each other

[sepdet]

Killing Time excerpts #2:

Kirk & Spock compare dreams over breakfast (p 7-10)

(from that totally canon Star Trek novel that Pocket Books rapidly recalled from stores to de-gay certain Kirk/Spock scenes, but my Mom beat the censors to a first edition!)

Kirk poked at the eggs on his plate with the tip of his fork, but it was blatantly obvious to Spock that the captain had little interest in the food.

"I don't know who I was, but ... I wasn't who I was supposed to be." He laid the fork aside and took a healthy gulp of the reconstituted orange juice. "And that's not exactly right either," he continued, not quite looking at the Vulcan. "It was as if I was still James Kirk—the same James Kirk I've always been—but I wasn't in the right . . . place." He shook his head in frustration. "I can't explain it, Spock."

Spock eyed his friend carefully. "Dreams of alienation are not unusual," he pointed out. "In situations such as exist onboard starships, they are, in fact, extremely common." Taking a sip of the hot herb tea, he pushed his own plate of untouched tood aside. He couldn't help remembering that he, too, had been experiencing dreams of alienation and displacement for nearly a full solar week; but something restrained him from mentioning it. "In your dream, Captain," he continued cautiously, "was it as if you were . . . not how you would normally envision yourself to be?"

Kirk frowned thoughtfully, then glanced up as his open palm slapped the table."That's exactly it!" he exclaimed, then lowered his voice as he noticed a young yeoman at the next table cast a quick look in his direction. He leaned closer to the Vulcan, feeling vaguely ridiculous for the outburst, but somehow closer to the solution. "I was on the Enterprise— but it wasn't even the Enterprise—at least not like I know her," he added as an afterthought. "And . . . I kept seeing you." At last, he looked up. "But you were different, too, Spock," he stated emphatically. "I'm not sure, but . . . I think you were the captain."

He shuddered internally, as the haunting quality of the dreams sharpened. He thought he saw a faint smile come to the young yeoman's face as she stood and quickly left the dining area, but he no longer cared. At least it might alleviate her boredom. "And I didn't know who I was." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I must've been an ensign or something, because I remember trying to think of some way to approach you—to tell you that things weren't the way they're supposed to be."

He grinned without looking up, and took another swallow of the orange juice, tasting it for the first time. It only strengthened his resolve to put in a formal request to Admiral Nogura for fresh orange juice at the next opportunity. "And I also remember thinking that you would never believe me. After all," he added as the smile broadened, "you were the ship's captain— and a Vulcan! What chance would a lowly human ensign have of trying to inform the Vulcan commander that he (meaning me!) was supposed to be the cap-tain?" He laughed aloud, feeling some of the tension ebb away just in the act of telling Spock about the absurdity of it all.

The Vulcan leaned forward, and their eyes met across the table. "Jim," he murmured in a tone suddenly deep and foreboding, "I also dreamed."

Kirk swallowed the lump of nervousness which rose in his throat, but he could only stare mutely at his first officer. Guiltily, he looked around to see if the yeoman was still eavesdropping. Bad enough that the captain's having anything but delusions of grandeur, he thought. But if Spock buckles . . . He let the thought drift into silence.

The Vulcan steepled his fingers in front of him. "At first, I believed the dreams were attributable to the somewhat uneventful mission currently assigned to the Enterprise. However, I am no longer convinced that such is the case."

Kirk looked at his friend for a long time, their eyes holding them together. "What did you dream, Spock?" he asked, forcing his tone to remain neutral.

But he didn't need to hear the answer; it was clearly inscribed in the dark eyes, carved in the angular features, written in the almost tangible conviction with which the Vulcan spoke.

One eyebrow arched, and it seemed for a moment as if the first officer might surrender to the human urge of shrugging. He did not. "I do not believe it is worth concerning yourself, Captain," he said as if attempting to dismiss his own statement. Somehow, it sounded far less logical in reality than it had in his own thoughts. "We have observed in the past that our minds have developed a telepathic rapport of sorts. Perhaps I was merely receiving fragments of your dreams, thereby—"

"Spock," Kirk interrupted with an exasperated sigh. He reached across the table, resting his fingers lightly on his friend's arm. "I know it's an inconvenience to your Vulcan logic to have this link with a human, but just tell me!" But the gentle smile robbed the words of any harsh implications.

After a moment, Spock nodded almost imperceptibly and took a deep breath. "I dreamed that you were an ensign," he stated, "and that I was . . . captain of the Enterprise."

Kirk leaned heavily back in the chair, letting his hand fall back to his side. He could think of nothing to say.

"Perhaps we should inform Doctor McCoy," Spock suggested. "Since Vulcans do not normally dream whatsoever, and since our dreams do bear remarkable similarity . . ." His voice drifted into silence.

Kirk glanced at the chronometer on the wall, then nodded. "You're probably right," he agreed. "As a precautionary measure, we probably should tell Bones. But . . ." He put one hand to his forehead, sensing a headache struggling to break through. "Just keep it to yourself today, Spock. I'm going to talk to a few other people and see what I can come up with first."

Spock's head inclined in acknowledgment, and he rose from the chair as Kirk stood and followed him toward the door.

Once inside the lift. Kirk tried to shake the feeling of uneasiness with a deep breath. His success was marginal. But when the double doors opened to reveal the familiar refuge of the bridge, he stepped back, smiling deceptively at Spock's apparent confusion. "After you . . . Captain Spock," he offered graciously.

The Vulcan turned, both brows climbing in a moment of surprise. "Illogical," he noted, but nonetheless stepped onto the bridge first. "Captain, I need not point out that it would be irrational to base rank solely on the basis of dreams—regardless of the fact that I would, no doubt, make an excellent commander.*

Kirk shrugged, scrutinizing his first officer discreetly. "Maybe," he conceded, stepping onto the bridge and pulling the professional air of command into place. But he couldn't resist one final urge. "But keep in mind that I'd make one hell of a lousy ensign, Spock!*

The Vulcan stopped, meeting Kirk's eyes warmly. "Of that," he readily agreed, "I have no doubt."

Next Time

Things get steamy (literally) as Kirk dons a lumberjack shirt and invites Spock to stroll with him in a garden.

See tag Killing Time excerpts for more

[shut-up-danny-kun]

I've read hundreds of Star Trek TOS fics by now and it never ceases to amuse me how many different ways there are to fuck up Spock's characterization...now hold on just a minute - this post has a more interesting point than “fanfic writers stupid”, I promise you.

Every time, it's a spin on the massacre wheel. It's kind of amazing. Will he be overly emotional to the point where he's not himself anymore? Will he be so cold it's unpleasant and kind of hard to understand how he's lived to this point? Will he be extremely horny for no good reason? Will he speak in a way that sounds complety wrong?

I chuckle and shake my head. Of course, I KNOW what Spock is like, and MY interpretation of him is the most perfect and correct one. Obviously. He's just a very nuanced character, formed by many people in an unconventional way, with traits that seem to contradict each other at first but ultimately form a rich and unique character that so many people fell in love with specifically because he's so complicated...

Or...is he?

Let's entertain the idea that there isn't one correct interpretation of Spock, that all of these messy bits of characterization are not part of a bigger picture, but...just what they are: a product of many people with starkly different visions, working on a show that refuses to properly develop its characters. What then? Well, then Spock is a Rorschach test. Each viewer connects the random dots in their own way, and ignores the ones they don't like.

Let's use an example: me! In my interpretation of Spock (the most correct one, of course) he is, first of all, gay and on the asexual spectrum, reserved, largely uninterested in casual flirting or sex. When he is interested in the aforementioned things, he tends to be quite ashamed of it.

Makes sense, right? I can show you plenty of evidence for why that could be true. However, in the beginning of the first bloody season, Uhura sings a song about how Spock is actually kind of a heartthrob who likes to drive women insane with how hot he is, and Spock smiles. He smiles at her, as if agreeing and being very amused by all this! This interaction goes against pretty much everything I think about Spock. So what do I do? I explain it away in the most bizzare fucking way possible. See, Uhura and Spock are friends (there is no evidence for this), and Uhura knows everything I've just told you about him (through telepathy I guess? Not like he'd ever tell her!) and she's just trolling him (why would she do that? That is NOTHING like Uhura!). I need to do some Olympics-level mental gymnastics here, the opposite of Occam's razor.

“But Danny,” I hear you say, “it's just the start of the show! They hadn't figured out his character yet!”

To which I say: you can say that about anything! You can blame it all on a bad writer for that episode, and ignore virtually any scene that doesn't jive with your headcanons. It's there, and I can't ignore it.

So...how am I different from the people that want Spock to be thar heartthrob Uhura is singing about? That evidence is as much a part of canon as my favorite lines. Well, I'm not any different, that's the thing. And all those writers I complained about also have a point.

It's kind of a nihilistic take, I know, but maybe the reason Spock is such a cultural icon is because he is...whatever you want him to be: just concrete enough to spur on your imagination, yet vague and contradictory enough to let your brain fill in the gaps.

Don't get me wrong: I absolutely do not believe in this. In my mind, it just so happens that I'm one of the, like, 5 people ever who truly understood Spock (and one of them is Jim Kirk himself). But I still think it's something worth thinking about next time you're mad at a fic.

[idrawweirdstuffnominors]

Guess who's back. Back again. Shadys back. Tell a friend

Just cuz I feelin' emotional today, the epilogue crew holding their kids for the first time

Tee hee

(Absolutely !! Also feel better tell those emotions to stop lol

Josh levy-

Title: “Mission Log: I’m So Screwed”

Josh Levy had rehearsed this moment in his head a hundred times.

In theory, he’d walk into the delivery room cool, composed, possibly humming a movie soundtrack. He’d make a clever quip, maybe drop a tear or two, and then—boom. Girl dad. Credits roll. Applause.

In reality?

He was pacing like a malfunctioning Roomba, babbling Starfleet ranks under his breath, and seriously considering fainting before the nurse even called him in.

Nurse:

“She’s here. Want to come meet your daughter?”

Josh blinked.

Josh:

“Daughter. Right. Yes. Of course. That’s what I ordered. Standard-issue human infant.”

The nurse gave him a look.

Inside the room, there she was—wrapped up like a little burrito with a red face and a scrunchy, unimpressed expression that somehow already radiated judgment.

He froze in the doorway.

Josh:

“Oh my God, she already hates me. She knows I’m a poser.”

Partner (weakly):

“Josh. Come get her.”

The nurse placed the baby in his arms. He held her like she was a thermal detonator, stiff and terrified, elbows at full chicken-wing extension.

And then—

She blinked.

Her eyes (barely open) landed vaguely in his direction.

And something inside Josh short-circuited.

Josh (whispering):

“Oh. Oh no.”

He sank into the nearest chair, still staring.

Josh:

“I’m in trouble.”

He looked down at her, completely dumbstruck, mouth wobbling into a dumb smile he couldn’t suppress if he tried.

Josh:

“You’re… you’re the most beautiful alien I’ve ever seen.”

She flailed an arm. He made a squeaky sound not meant for adult males.

Josh:

“Yup. That’s it. It’s over. I’m toast. You want a pony? I’ll build one. You want to name your goldfish Captain Meatball? I’ll embroider it on a shirt. You want to crush my heart into play-doh with a crayon drawing of us holding hands? Go ahead. You win.”

His partner blinked at him from the bed.

Partner:

“Did you just imprint like a baby duck?”

Josh (still staring):

“She has my nose. And a better hairline.”

He gently touched the edge of her hat with one finger.

Josh:

“I’ll vaporize anyone who makes you cry. Except me, but I’ll feel really bad about it.”

He looked up with wide eyes.

Josh:

“I don’t know how to be a dad.”

Partner:

“You’re already doing it.”

She squawked in his arms, tiny and furious. He bounced slightly, instinct kicking in, eyes wide with panic.

Josh (cooing):

“No no no—don’t cry. I’ll show you Wrath of Khan. You’ll love it. Wait, no, that’s the one where Spock—okay, maybe Voyager. Wait, what’s a baby-friendly Star Trek?”

He was spiraling. And yet—

He’d never been so sure of anything in his entire life.

---

Bill Dickey-

Title: “You’ve Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me”

Bill Dickey had seen a lot of weird crap in his life.

He’d been kicked out of more cons than he could count. He’d screamed himself hoarse over Boba Fett figures with bent antennas. He’d lived through the death of fandom, the rise of Funko Pops, and the slow, humiliating decline of his own metabolism.

But this?

This was insane.

“Alright, Dad,” the nurse said with a practiced smile. “Ready to hold her?”

Bill:

“I dunno, lady, is she ready to be held by a guy who once called a twelve-year-old a ‘casual’ for misquoting Thundarr the Barbarian?”

But then they handed her over.

And just like that, everything… paused.

She was small. Warm. Loud as hell. Pink in that fresh, freaky way babies are. And she had these scrunched little fists like she was already ready to fight the world.

Bill blinked.

Bill:

“…Oh, what the hell.”

He cleared his throat and adjusted his flannel around her, staring down like he was afraid she’d explode or melt or—worse—recognize he was full of crap.

She made a wet little grunt. Kicked her foot.

He grunted back instinctively.

Bill:

“Great. A kicker.”

The nurse hovered nearby, watching.

Bill didn’t look up. He just kept staring, his tone dropping a little.

Bill:

“You’re a loud one, huh? You’re gonna yell at me just like your mother. Or worse—you’re gonna ignore me. That’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna hate everything I like. You’re gonna roll your eyes at me when I say George Lucas should’ve been legally barred from making prequels. You’re gonna think I’m a cranky old fart, and you know what?”

She blinked. Let out a soft noise that sounded dangerously close to a sigh.

Bill’s face twitched into something almost like a smile.

Bill:

“I’m gonna love every goddamn second of it.”

He shifted her carefully, like she was a rare, misprinted comic issue.

Bill (grumbling):

“Just don’t start dating some jerk who wears a Deadpool shirt and calls himself a cinephile. I’ll throw him. I will physically remove that bastard from the planet. With my hands.”

His daughter sneezed.

Bill:

“Gesundheit. Christ, you’re already cuter than me. It’s gonna be a problem.”

He leaned back in the chair, exhaled through his nose, and whispered just loud enough for her to hear:

Bill:

“Alright, kid. You win. I’m in. You’re the only person alive allowed to touch my toys.”

And he meant it.

Even if she drooled on his flannel.

---

Pete DiNunzio-

Title: “Monsters, Meet Your Match”

The hospital room smelled like antiseptic and panic.

Pete DiNunzio stood stiff near the window, arms crossed over his horror-themed tee and worn flannel jacket, pretending not to be sweating through both layers.

He hadn’t sat down once in two hours. He’d grunted, paced, snapped at the vending machine when it ate his dollar, and refused every offer of water like it was poisoned. He looked like he was waiting to be drafted into war.

Nurse:

“You ready to hold her, Dad?”

Pete blinked.

Pete:

“Yeah, I—uh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Gimme.”

But when they handed her over, he didn’t move at first. Just stared at this little pink thing bundled up like a cannoli, breathing soft, already frowning like she knew what kind of world she’d been born into.

And then she made a tiny grumble.

Like… a growl.

Pete (soft, stunned):

“She’s got lungs like a 57 year old smoker.”

He finally took her, arms awkward, callused fingers twitching like they weren’t sure where to go. His jacket creaked as he adjusted her closer to his chest.

She was so small. But warm. Real. Breathing.

He looked down.

And then… the whole world just slowed.

Pete:

“…Shit.”

The nurse raised a brow.

Nurse:

“Language.”

Pete (quietly):

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I just—look at her.”

His daughter made another tiny sound, halfway between a sigh and a squeak.

Pete exhaled slowly, a crooked smile forming, like he was seeing her as the final twist ending in a horror movie he thought he already understood.

Pete:

“She's got my nose. Poor kid.”

She flinched, and he instinctively bounced her a little—just like he used to rock back and forth waiting in line for midnight horror releases. Only this time, no ticket, no gore, no audience.

Just her.

Pete (half whispering):

“I watched The Thing when I was ten. Ate pasta during the chestburst scene. I thought I knew fear.”

He shook his head, eyes never leaving hers.

Pete:

“This? This is worse. Way worse.”

She blinked, scrunched her mouth, and he completely melted.

Pete:

“You ever break up with me, I’ll cry like a bitch. I’m tellin’ you now.”

He glanced toward the bed where her mom lay half-asleep.

Pete:

“She’s gonna own me. You know that, right? We’re gonna have matching horror shirts by kindergarten. I’m gonna bring her to Spirit Halloween and cry in the parking lot when she outgrows the kids’ section.”

He paused.

Pete (softly):

“She’s my final girl.”

She squirmed a little in his arms. He smirked, tears stinging the corners of his eyes.

Pete:

“You don’t gotta be sweet. You can be loud. You can be weird. You can be a little scary. That’s in the bloodline. Just—don’t let nobody tell you you’re too much.”

He leaned down, kissed her forehead once, gently, like he was afraid she’d dissolve.

Pete:

“I got you, bambina. You and me? We’re gonna haunt this world together.”

---

Jerry stokes-

Title: “Wizard Level: Dad”

Jerry hadn’t slept in… a day? Maybe two? Time felt weird now. Like he was in a side quest he hadn’t prepared for—low on potions, high on panic, and somehow still underleveled.

He stood outside the hospital room, fidgeting with the frayed edge of his hoodie sleeve. His fingers itched to grab a book, a dice bag, anything that made sense. But the nurse was coming now, arms full of something impossibly small and swaddled in soft yellow.

Nurse:

“She’s ready to meet her dad.”

He swallowed. Nodded like a man about to face a dragon with five HP left.

She placed the baby in his arms, and for one terrifying second, he froze.

She was warm. Heavy in the way that mattered. Her face was pink and slightly squashed, like a sleepy little gnome who'd just been born into the wrong realm.

Jerry (softly):

“…Hi.”

The word barely came out. His voice cracked like it did when he was a teenager.

She blinked. Not really at him—more through him, like she was still loading. Her fingers curled against his shirt.

He exhaled, slowly, like he’d been holding his breath since the beginning of time.

Jerry:

“You’re real. You’re, like… you’re actually here.”

She made a tiny noise. He grinned, goofy and dazed.

Jerry:

“You sound like a baby dragon. I love that for you.”

He adjusted his grip awkwardly, still terrified of breaking her, but more confident by the second.

Jerry:

“So listen, little miss Stokes. I’ve been prepping for this boss fight my whole life. I’ve read The Hobbit nine times. I know how to braid hair like an elf. I can identify every Labyrinth character by silhouette alone. You, my sweet chaotic neutral bard, are in good hands.”

He rocked her gently, shifting side to side in a rhythm he didn’t even realize he knew.

Jerry:

“I don’t have everything figured out. I’m not, like, the High Wizard of Parenting or anything. But I’ve got one hell of a party around me. And you? You’re the new protagonist.”

Her hand twitched. Jerry stared at it like it held the key to the universe.

Jerry:

“I’m gonna teach you everything. How to read the good books. How to paint minis. How to slay goblins and misogyny.”

A pause. Then, a tiny yawn from her.

Jerry:

“…Okay. Maybe not right now. You rest. I’ll… I’ll be here. Always.”

He looked down again, completely gone.

His daughter. His squishy little sidekick.

Level 1: Unstoppable Love.

---

(I fucking love Josh and Pete they are such dorks

[pavel-chekov-appreciator]

I’m sure this au or something like it already exists but I can’t stop thinking about a modern!human!AU that’s just Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and Scotty as college friends who all cram into Jim’s shitty van for a cross-country road trip during summer break.

They have a vague itinerary to hit up everyone with family in the states’s hometowns, but other than that they’re just exploring. Seeking out new life and new civilizations weird tourist traps and cool museums. They’re all nerds. They visit a lot of museums.

The van is of course nicknamed The Enterprise. It is also definitely only still running and in one piece because of Scotty. They frequently have to pull over for him to tinker with something to get them running smoothly again. He loves it.

Chekov is the designated navigator because the first time they drive through a dead zone and no one’s phones could pull up a map he was the first one to pull out and utilize the paper map.

Sulu of course is the best driver in their group. He also absolutely brought a nerf gun with him and is an absolute menace with it.

Despite owning the van Kirk is actually a terrible driver. He is the one who planned this whole thing though. Lovingly referred to as “Captain” for taking on the default leadership role most of the time and being very good at big picture planning.

Spock is better at detail oriented tasks though, and is more or less still second in command-he’s the one making sure they don’t run out of gas and keep more or less on schedule. When they reach his hometown he realizes that he definitely forgot to tell any of his friends that he had siblings. It’s hilariously awkward.

Uhura has an uncanny knack for making friendly small talk with anyone they meet, and finds a lot of really interesting niche points of interest for them to check out by chatting with locals at restaurants and gas stations.

And as usual Bones is making sure no one dies of their own stupidity. He’s got the first aid kit with him at all times because he knows these people.

[drabbles-by-branwen]

Jim didn't get himself. Romantically he was only attracted to men, but every time he'd try to get physical he was unable to do so. Physically women he had no trouble with, but he couldn't form any romantic connections with one. He tried, he tried so damn hard to find someone who he could have the connection he desperately craved. He refused to lead people on, to get their hopes up and be unable to be who or what they needed. He was just lonely, so damn lonely.

He flirted, and acted a good game, and wished he was normal and could have a real relationship, but something inside was broken.

The first few months at the academy he developed a reputation of hopping from bed to bed, and hated every single second of it. He just wanted someone who was his, someone he was capable of both loving and wanting physically, and the constant attempts to find his person drained him.

His roommate didn't know what he was going through, he'd hidden what he was doing and feeling with jokes and half-flirty words and just plain avoiding him on days that Bones was too observant for his liking.

There was always this tingling sensation ever since he arrived at the Academy. It wasn't unpleasant, in fact it made him feel great, but he had no idea what was causing the sensation. He tried to ignore the feeling, as well as the whispers about him that were running rampant across campus. He'd be dead of dehydration and starvation if he was as "active" as the rumors stated.

He'd started spending most of his time in a quiet corner of the library, not wanting to risk his heart any more than he already had. He was tired and lonely and feeling isolated, but no one understood what he was going through, how could they when he didn't even understand it himself.

There was someone sitting in his usual place when he arrived that day, the tingling almost painful with its intensity. The man was a professor, as his uniform showed, but he didn't seem that much older than him. Jim turned to leave, not wanting to confront the person who stole "his" spot, deciding to just go back to his dorm and Bones' questions, something Jim was trying to avoid.

"Don't leave," the man said in a voice that sent chills down his body and a surge of arousal to settle at his groin. "You feel it also, don't you. The bond begging for completion, like little shocks of electricity coursing over your body."

"How..."

"You came to the Academy six months ago."

Jim nodded silently.

"It started as soon as you arrived, didn't it?"

"How can you know that? I've never told anyone about it. Especially not my roommate, he's a great guy but give him a vaguely medical mystery and he's all over it."

"Because I felt it as soon as you arrived. I have been attempting to locate you the whole time. But since I don't know your name, it's been difficult."

"Jim, my name is James Kirk, but my friends call me Jim."

"Jim," the name was whispered in a breathy purr that almost made Jim moan. He was standing, and in Jim's personal space in seconds, "My name is Spock."

Jim shuddered, his pulse racing, "Are you the reason? Are you why I'm so broken?"

Lips brushed against his ear, "You're not broken, Jim. Your mind and body were keeping you... keeping you from bonding with someone else."

"Why?" Jim gasped, closing his eyes in pleasure and slight embarrassment at the way his own voice sounded.

"Because you are mine. As I've been yours, for almost my entire life. I've been searching for you since I was three years old."

"How old..."

"I'll be 26 in another day. Twenty-three years of looking and I have finally found you."

Jim didn't know what to think, his body was overwhelmed with pleasure and contentment and relief at finally understanding just what his issue was. He felt a sense of arousal unlike anything he'd felt before, and the sense of home he'd never felt. Spock was barely touching him, the only skin contact his lips which still brushed his ear. Spock's hands ran down the sleeves of Jim's uniform, stopping just before reaching his hands.

"Why me?" Jim asked, needing answers.

"I don't know, Jim, all I know is that you are it for me. The only being in the galaxy who completes me," his hands finally touched Jim's, and they both gasped at the rush of emotions that raced back and forth between them, "and I am the only one who can complete you. You can feel that, can't you?"

Jim closed his eyes, overwhelmed by sensations and emotions. He gasped as Spock's fingers trailed over his own, and his knees almost gave out as he was struck by an orgasm out of nowhere. He panted loudly, body shaking as pleasure coursed through his veins, only staying on his feet because Spock was holding him upright, and he could tell that Spock was in the same condition as he was by the way his body trembled against Jim's back, the way his breathing had changed.

"This isn't the best place... I mean anyone could walk in and see us like this."

Spock nuzzled his neck, "I know, but I don't want to let you go. I finally have you in my arms and I am loath to let you go, even to find somewhere more private."

Jim would have answered, but the door opened, and a very annoyed looking Bones walked in, whatever complaint he had for Jim dying on his lips as he saw their embrace.

"Figured it out, did you?" he asked, giving Jim a pointed look. "With how twitchy you've been I figured it was a case of accidental bonding."

"You knew? You could have said something sooner. I could have... I don't know, I could have asked Captain Pike to have a Vulcan check me out, to try and figure out what was going on."

"Jim, I thought you... At first I thought you were a widower, that you'd lost your bondmate. But over time I figured out that you didn't even realize that you were bonded. How the hell was I supposed to broach that topic? You refuse to talk."

"He didn't know. How could he, Dr.," Spock asked, "as we've been bonded practically our entire lives. He's never known anything else." He gave a soft kiss to the side of Jim's neck, "And I was only days before my third birthday when it happened, so it wasn't my fault."

"Bones, just... Spock and I need to talk, to figure out what we're going to do. Let's just call this a belated birthday present, and you and I can talk later."

Bones nodded, stepping towards the door, but paused before he reached it, "When exactly is your birthday?"

"Tomorrow," Spock answered distractedly, most of his attention still on Jim.

"Two days after Jim's. How long before your third birthday did you... did you notice the bond?"

"Two days..."

Jim's eyes widened in realization, "We bonded when I was born. How can that happen?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out together."

Jim nodded slowly, then took Spock's hand in his own, "But right now..."

"We should go to my apartment. It's closer and... private."

They walked away, both lost in each other, and for the first time since he'd met Jim Bones knew the kid was going to be okay.

[camchappers]

My head hurts

Sooo after my rant I did yesterday where I was firmly in the "Bobby is meant to be perma 💀 but the show may need to row back on that decision due to the backlash" - I may now be in the "he's buried alive" camp.

THEORIES I CAN'T GET RID OF: 1) I just can't get that leaked script out of my head... like I know it was leaked by Oliver and JLH on April Fools Day of all days, but it just seems... far too elaborate to do just as a prank. It would be a very cruel and callous prank at that too, deliberately winding the fanbase up, as they both posted them the day after the funeral BTS was leaked, so everyone was already losing their minds. Surely they're not that horrible to do that to their loyal fanbase, right? 2) The foreshadowing with Cpt Banner - Brad's character in Hotshots - which Tim has mentioned his interviews... but Cpt Banner actually does survive, despite originally going to be written off. Coupled that with the two IG stories that Oliver posted the day of the funeral of Brad, this all just seems a bit too coincidental? Did Tim mean to do it as a way for the audience to prepare themselves for Bobby's exit, which everyone missed?

3) I think the Star Trek, Wrath of Khan references (also made by Tim) had some potential links there; I've already done another rant about this but some folks on TikTok will probably be able to explain it better than I, particularly with the older Star Trek movies, so I recommend searching that on there or here on Tumblr. (But basically, the script for that movie got leaked ahead of time and it was shown that Spock was going to die, which had the audience in uproar. So instead, they showed him "dying" - in a very similar way to Bobby and his goodbye with Athena also mirrored that - but he then actually was alive in the next movie).

4) Yes I know you have the statement that Pete made and the interviews Tim and Angela have done - but something just feels... off. Tim was asked about that script and he gave a pretty vague, one line answer. Angela's story on how she found out has changed at least a couple of times (said she got a phone call about it, but has also said she found out when she got the script). Pete has only done that one statement and one very short interview with GMA.

5) Just maybe they do actually have two versions of how this next episode will go, and that depended on the audience reaction. I do think now that if Bobby is actually alive, he'll go on to retire and essentially, Peter Krause will still leave the show and perhaps only reappear for the odd appearance throughout s9. 6) Oh and the fact that the funeral procession was very openly leaked. Tim has stated in the interviews that he didn't expect the funeral to be leaked, despite the fact y'know that 9-1-1 is a hugely popular show, it was being filmed in the middle of DOWNTOWN LA in the middle of the day, with a big-ass American flag at the centre of it... and the fact that they didn't even bother to close their set and not let the public in? Heck, they even allowed them to even take pictures with the cast. I'm sorry brother, what? Tim's either extremely naive to think that they would get away with it, or idk, maybe he wanted people to see this. Either way, this is a very experienced showrunner within television. How could he not know that it would inevitably be leaked if he allowed an open set? It just makes zero fucking sense to me that they allowed such a big event to be leaked ahead of time.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN? HONESTLY IDK

I'm honestly fluctuating every day rn with my thoughts and I could be completely wrong, but for me, some things just aren't adding up. Just bring back Bobby in any way, I beg

[thegeminisage]

I have to know about the dead beat ghost of George Kirk, that lit my brain up. Also Spock on Spock violence either/or. both even?

BOTH IS GOOD. tysm. this got so long don't worry about reading this entire answer lol <3

ok, so, spock on spock violence is a fanfic i conceived when i was deep in the throes of trek last autumn. but i had to wait until i had watched EVERYTHING with nimoy's spock in it before i could begin working on it, and by the time i got there, the steam sort of ran out of my engines. so i'm not sure if it'll ever get done at this point, especially considering i sort of veered back into working on something else. anyway, to general concept of this is - while it's very sweet that in the movies and in real life quinto spock and nimoy spock are friends, it's also. love and light. a little boring. i think that really, spock is an individual who is in many ways at war with himself, and when asked the age-old question "would you fight your clone or fuck him?" would unequivocally choose FIGHT every time

the very basic plot of the fic (which is really just a flimsy excuse for spock and spock to be petty cut-throat bitches at each other) is that post stid quinto spock has been traumatized by 1. the death of his mother 2. the death of his planet 3. the death of his boyfriend (hi, jim) and he's decided to break up with jim and do a kohlinahr so he doesn't have to feel grief anymore (and, with his longer vulcan lifespan, never has to watch jim die) because this shit is killing him. jim thinks this is stupid and nimoy spock also thinks this is stupid so nimoy spock and quinto spock spend a great deal of time hurling insults at one another about it.

there is also a side plot that very vaguely cribs from the tos episode "what are little girls made of?" wherein people are getting replaced by androids, and at one point, quinto spock is tempted by a jim android, because, after all:

an android jim never has to suffer! he never has to die! spock could have and love his boyfriend FOREVER AND EVER and never have to fear the pain of loss ever again! that will totally work and fix everything with absolutely zero problems, right?

since i don't actually have any prose written for this yet, i will provide an excerpt from my notes, edited slightly for clarity:

to quinto spock, nimoy spock is a living example of his every failure and his worst fears. he gave up the good fight against his own internal humanity, he TOOK A HUMAN MATE (gross!), and he allowed/indirectly caused vulcan to be destroyed. nimoy spock, old and at the end of his life, has no one. he's been mourning his jim for longer than they were ever together. the only thing he knows is the unbearable pain of grief. quinto spock fears this kind of pain more than anything. he thinks he is seeing his own future and he is desperate to prevent it via any means possible, even the kolinahr - this timeline can be different, right?

to nimoy spock, quinto spock is a living example of the very worst and most cowardly parts of himself, and wastes all the precious opportunities he has - he makes nimoy spock sick with envy. quinto spock has SO many years left to spend with jim and he's going to WASTE them just because he's afraid of what life will be like without him. worse, he's hurting the person nimoy spock loved most by pushing him away, and it's all his own (nimoy spock's) fault because vulcan was kind of his bad. by allowing vulcan to be destroyed he has ruined not only his future, but also his past. quinto spock is destroying himself from the inside over his misguided prejudice over his own humanity, and his internalized xenophobia or whatever, and he's too young and too stupid to see that the only way to get through it is to GO through it, and he won't listen to the one person he should trust above all others (himself) because he HATES HIMSELF, that's his/their whole problem

like, imagine your entire deal is self-loathing and an abject refusal to accept both halves of your extremely internally conflicted being. and then suddenly there's another version of yourself who can stand next to you, who can be blamed and yelled at (possibly punched?), who is somehow doing an EVEN WORSE JOB at being you than you already are!!!!! you have to watch this other you make mistakes so massive even YOU wouldn't do them and you guys are supposed to NOT fight somehow??

ultimately, this is a fic about confronting grief and pain rather than running away from it, but it also morphed into a kind of fix-it for generations (the movie where kirk bites it in the most underwhelming death scene ever) which turned it into a very full project because those two things are a bit at odds with each other, so i had to reoutline it, but the outline IS all ready to go, i just...haven't gotten around to it yet because i'm working on the other project. i haven't given up on it though!!!

deadbeat ghost of george kirk is essentially a story about how completely useless it is to have a ghost for a dad. not a literal ghost, it's not that kind of story, but despite how affecting the opening of the 2009 movie is, we have to contend with the sad reality that if you grow up without a dad there is a high risk of simply becoming chris pine's kirk. like, that's why he's like that, right? hard truths. i only have about 800 words of this and it's quite likely it will never be finished or posted, but every time someone says something horrible to me in real life about my dead dad (happens more often than you think) i add another rage-fueled paragraph. an excerpt (content warning for child abuse and suicidal ideation):

What's so heroic about it, anyway? Jim's dad didn't die to save eight hundred lives; he died to save two, and counted the other seven hundred ninety-eight as a happy bonus. And what became of those two people? His mother a chronically offworld functional alcoholic, married to a chronically on-world nonfunctional alcoholic, whose favorite hobby is hitting his wife's sons with his belt and whose second favorite hobby is seeing which bones he can break with his steel-toed boots. Jim himself, sent to the hell that was Tarsus IV for driving a car off a cliff, who at eleven years old had already been jaded enough to consider just going off the cliff with it. Would George Kirk do it again the same way, if he could somehow know how the world turned without him in it? Would he think it was a fair trade? Either the answer is no and he was an idiot who threw away his life for nothing, or the answer is yes and he was an asshole. Either way, it hardly amounts to heroism. What good is a dead father to anybody? They can't turn up at the school play or the track meets. They can't teach you to tie a tie or throw a punch at bullies or slip you your first beer or bring you birthday gifts. You can't give a Father's Day card to an empty grave, not if you're saying anything true. All the cards say things like Thanks for being there for me, Dad!, and all Jim knows about his father is that there is the one place he wasn't. See, Jim has been in space, which is quite literally the absence of everything. He's also been on Tarsus IV, a planet where people got so hungry they started hacking limbs off of corpses to soothe the absolute absence of food in their stomach. And yet, for all that, the absence of George Kirk is the keenest absence he's ever known.

let people send you an ask with the WIP title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

[muirmarie]

mcspirk month mYEAR planning post

idk if anyone likes these (these being planning posts), but here, it feels weird to have it tucked away in my notes when my BTHB and mcspirk bingo planning posts are on here, so. anywho. you know the drill: this is just me rambling, feel free to ignore!!

the bolded are those i still don't have a plan for <3 - as per my usual these are all tos unless otherwise noted

Day 1: Forced Proximity (“this isn’t a blessing,” mccoy hisses. “one day,” the king says, “you’ll see that is it.” - the one where spock and kirk cannot get more than an arm's length away from mccoy for 30 days w/o causing him debilitating pain)

Day 2: Touch-starved (spock and kirk cuddle mccoy out of touch starvation - this is like 75% done, I just need to finish it)

Day 3: Only One Bed (established mckirk to mcspirk. um. very nsfw. by far the most nsfw i’ve ever even considered writing lmao. currently sitting at almost 12k, probably will be around 15-17k all told. i don't even know how to describe this. kirk aggressively helping spock play gay chicken with mccoy until mccoy finally believes spock wants both of them, idk.)

Day 4: Hand Holding (maybe the one where spock & kirk slowly gaslight mccoy into holding hands with them - yes the tags are spones but i am very certain kirk would be very happy to gaslight mccoy into hand-holding as well)

Day 5: [hurt comfort or against a wall (no story planned)]

Day 6: Protective McCoy (no story planned *eta - actually i think i am going to take the one elian assigned me w/o even asking me lmao, where mccoy drinks the poison meant for kirk, but don't tell him that)

Day 7: Hand Kink (the one where spock is cucked w/ hand sex lmao)

Day 8: Public Display of Affection (would you still love and/or employ me if i was a worm?)

Day 9: Spock is a Hopeless Romantic (the flirty spock one probably?)

Day 10: [Hands or a bonus (no story planned)]

Day 11: Fuck or Die (vulcan sex magic hanahaki, this is, like. I have elements of it, but it’s not nailed down yet quite how it works. it's a vulcan disease but naturally mccoy's the one who gets it.)

Day 12: Aliens Made them Do It (the plato’s stepchildren one - i've been poking at this one since. like. january lmao. it's maybe 30% done, but it's not gonna be super long, i'm just slow with it. it is. hm. not a fluffy story. the platonians decide that mccoy simply needs to learn to say yes to them. how helpful they have spock and kirk around to help underscore the point.)

Day 13: [time loop or sex in a three way body swap or a bonus (no story planned, BUT do I really wanna write another time loop fic and/or can I really handle writing another smut fic lmao. If I did do time loop tho it would be the one where Kirk refuses to leave the time loop until he can solve the no-win scenario, i just don’t know how that goes yet. The sex in a three way body swap would be the AOS mcspirkura one, probably. Or the tos spones to mcspirk one. idk idk.)]

Day 14: Tarsus IV (kirk: i always knew i’d die alone. this is....jim character study, i think? I do need to come up w/ a happy (or at least: not sad) ending for it tho. So I’m still Thinking about this one.)

Day 15: Fake Dating (the one where the royal is trying to marry mccoy in order to keep him, and spock and kirk independently decide to fake date him to save him. also sarek loves trashy romance books. background uhura/scotty.)

Day 16: Lost the Ability to Speak (bones and uhura signing in federation common sign language - yes that's vague but all i need is something to center around tbh)

Day 17: McCoy Hurt w/ Spock & Kirk Comfort (this is like 95% of what i write lmao but i don’t have a specific plot yet)

Day 18: [Jealous Bones OR Oral Fixation (no story planned but it it’s jealousy it’s not gonna be traditional jealousy, bc I’m generally not a fan of jealousy storylines (unless all parties are unaware that they’re jealous - those I find VERY funny)]

Day 19: [Kirk is Missing, Presumed Dead or a bonus - probably a bonus (no story planned)]

Day 20: Accidental Voyeurism (okay the one where mccoy wakes up and his arm is trapped underneath kirk’s head and spock’s holding that hand as he’s laying on top of kirk and making out with him. I will have to find a plot tho. a reason. a Reason. It’s not established spirk either)

Day 21: Bondage (heh established spirk discovering mccoy’s penchant for getting tied up and/or tying others up and then literally not able to shut up about their platonic friends private habits for like a solid three months. they only care platonically of course. you don’t need those other ppl to tie you up bones you’ve got us. this one’s about 10% started.)

Day 22: Mirrorverse (mirrorverse katra sharing, it’s a whole thing, this is out of my wheelhouse but i have some Ideas, but this one isn’t going to be anytime soon)

Day 23: [reunion or teasing or a bonus (no story planned) - *eta actually for teasing i could maybe do the one where spock conducts an "experiment" in a private lab where he has mccoy & kirk work on a project for him while he gets extremely handsy w/ them - he's doing a study ("study" - they're all aware this is just spock's ideal version of foreplay) about human arousal in a working environment, and they're supposed to not let him distract them*]

Day 24: Temporary Blindness (this is going to be such a long messy mccoy whump story tbh. orpheus and eurydice part two. before i can even really start it tho i have to decide on pov, because that….really affects things for this one. but i mostly know how the story goes. also not anytime soon tho, maybe not even this year)

Day 25: Praise Kink (i COULD go temporary awkward ability if i don’t want to write anything too sexy, but the planned version is, like, kirk blossoms like a bashful babe and spock is genuinely moved when it comes to praise, but mccoy turns bright red and wants them to stop? BUT they like so much the way he flushes and struggles to accept the praise that they ask him to be good for them because THEY like it, and so he’s absolutely mortified but still? allows it for them? and they of course like it because they want to make him accept it.)

Day 26: Expectations vs Reality (counseling fic! The one where spock and kirk are dating but still somehow drag mccoy to their relationship counseling.)

Day 27: Vacation Gone Awry (no story planned) (*eta actually i think i'm changing this to Voyeurism and stretching that to make it work for the spirk - they keep coming up w/ weird sex injuries until they can finally convince mccoy to come over to help them figure out what they're doing wrong....he probably needs to watch....actually maybe hands on is better....actually maybe he just needs to stay forever*)

Day 28: Awkward Spock (checking for pulse over the liver instead of the wrist because he forgets where human hearts are when jim or leonard is hurt)

Day 29: Getting Interrupted (mcspirk sexy 3d chess - that’s right they’re interrupting mccoy’s WORK lmao)

Day 30: Desperate Measures (the enemy within one that’s 80% finished where kirk’s wolf and sheep sides both have to have sex w/ mccoy while spock melds with them both, all for very important science reasons - don’t worry about it.)

Day 31: Insecurity (*eta - mccoy gets out of a LDR and is bummed, and kirk tries to cheer him up by putting his name up for the underground "sexiest starfleet officer" bracket that scotty & uhura are running, to prove to mccoy that ppl find him attractive. unfortunately it turns out the crew finds him VERY attractive, kirk is having some jealously-related revelations, spock is gonna kill jim if he has to watch mccoy get asked out one more time, and mcco is yay close to having a nervous breakdown from being turned into a sex symbol*)

Bonus 1: nightmares (look this is fucked, just trust me this is a very messy thing and it is very fucked and i have to make all my maths fit together before i write it or it will feel too flimsy and fall apart, but. kirk's trapped in a nightmare by a parasite that bleeds into the waking world (there are reasons for it) that cause physical damage to mccoy. spock melds w/ kirk to try to change the dream. this has unexpected side effects. - this one WILL be written for mcspirk month i just don't know what day i'm replacing yet.)

Bonus 2: pet names (i think i might be able to fit the kiss me/fuck me fic into this prompt but i’m not 100% sure yet - aka the one where mccoy & kirk use “kiss me” as a SFW swear for “fuck me” and “don’t make me kiss you” as a SFW swear for “fuck you” and annoy everyone around them w/ this silly in joke until one time mccoy says “kiss me” w/o thinking to spock, and spock’s just. hmm. don’t mind if i do. and kirk thinks it’s so funny he starts kissing mccoy all the time as WELL. very pre-them even realizing they want a relationship (except for spock, spock has Plans, thank you). this will be written at SOME point, it depends if i need another bonus/if it fits the prompt enough.)

Other bonuses i’d consider if i need them, but no stories planned: blindfolds, misuse of the bond, uhura helps them out.

Other vague stories i have that i could rotate until they might fit a prompt: pacific rim au, space forgetties, [number]+1 of mccoy getting kissed awake/the +1 getting kissed to shut him up, spock going through the wringer re: mccoy getting hurt (that was written spones but could easily by mcspirk), empath era katra au, post-empath spock won't stop touching mccoy, katra transfer requires a kiss, this isn’t even all of them, it genuinely is absurd how many tag spirals i’ve written like this lmaoooo /sigh 

[multi-fandomedfreak]

Logan and female!Reader learn two terms from each other (author's choice who learns what):

"Alexithymia," and "touch-starved."

(I see this as platonic, but it could work romantically as well!)

Authors note: I love this request so much and it’s kinda making want to write this with Spock lol. Anyway, yeah I’m gonna keep this kinda vague so it could work as either platonic or romantic.

Pairings: Logan x reader

⚠�� Warnings⚠️: fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint

💙💙 💙 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Alexithymia…Logan read and re-read that word over and over again. It was one of those rare times that Logan didn’t know what a word meant.

He pulled the book closer to his face as if that would magically allow the definition to drift into his mind.

….Alexithymia…

Eventually let out a small sigh and put down the book onto his lap, letting his eyes wander over to the person sitting on the other side of the couch with him.

You. You had suggested reading as a way to spend time together even if the two of you didn’t talk while doing so. Reading wasn’t your first idea but ever since the storm outside cut the power, it was the only thing you could do.

The pouring rain banging against at the windows and the thunder booming from afar made the apartment rather cozy. Logan had lit candles for you two to be able to read which only added to the coziness. Even with something that was meant to be a bad thing you both managed to make it enjoyable.

It was nice. The both of you absorbed in your own stories but you still enjoyed each others presence. It was very peaceful for once in the usually chaotic apartment.

When he spoke your name, it felt out of place in the comfortable silence, so he decided to lower his from here on out. Once you had risen your head, signifying that he had caught your attention, he spoke once more.

“I am aware that I don’t usually ask this type of question but do you know the definition of the word ‘alexithymia’?” Logan muttered as he leaned forward so you could hear him more clearly.

Your eyes, illuminated by the soft golden glow of the candles, flickered to the side for a second as you thought of your response.

“Oh. It’s a word used to describe someone who… has trouble processing and displaying emotion.” Your eyes flickered back over to meet his and had a look of…familiarity. Like the word reminded you of something. Or someone.

The words definition struck a little closer to home to Logan than it had to you. Although he felt a little called out by it he also felt a strange sense of…relief. He couldn’t understand why but he felt as though his head had been cleared. Something about the word describing him made him feel something he couldn’t describe. ‘How fitting..’ he thought.

He must’ve been lost in thought because it took you calling his name three times for him to finally look up.

“You alright? You seemed a little lost there..” You gave him a small but comforting smile. He must’ve really been lost in thought as he hadn’t noticed you get closer to him. You were at arms length at this point and he could clearly see the worry in your eyes.

“Apologies, yes, I’m fine. I was simply…thinking.” Logan was at a lost for words, not able to put what he was feeling into a coherent sentence.

‘I suppose that word is more accurate than I thought’ Logan thought to himself. He could almost find it funny if it wasn’t for the fact that him relating to that word wasn’t a good thing. Then…why did he find it relieving?

Your voice grounded him back to reality before he could get more lost in his thoughts.

“It’s a little funny that just before you asked me what Alexithymia meant, I was about to ask you for the definition of a word myself.” You still kept your voice low as you scooted closer to him.

“Touch-starved. I’ve never heard that before.” Your voice was curious yet perplexed, an indication you were waiting to hear his response. You even had your book in your lap with a book mark underlining the sentence the word was on.

He turned to face you and noticed how you were fidgeting with the corner of the page. You had a habit of fighting with things when you got nervous about something or were in the process of contemplating something. He knew this much but whatever it was that you were nervous about…he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Touch-starved. A condition that occurs when an individual is not getting as much physical touch one needs.”

While Logan spoke, he couldn’t help but analyze you to see if you had gotten the same revelation he had.

That you familiarized yourself with this description.

He did see it. He saw the way your face changed to a look of realization. Like something had clicked. He decided to continue on with his explanation.

“People who are touch-starved crave physical affection from others but can’t seem to bring themselves to initiate it.”

You’re fidgeting had taken a pause as you processed this information. His eyes flickered over your face but you had long since moved your head as to not make eye contact with him.

Another wave of realization came over him. The thing you were nervous about was about initiating physical touch. The fidgeting, you growing closer…how could he not see this before? You had even done the same things in various occasions in the past.

You both stayed quite for a long moment, the only sound being that of the pouring rain and thunder outside. Logan made a motion to move his hand, hesitating for only a moment, before finally deciding to wrap it around your tense shoulders.

You stiffened even more for a second and moved your head to stare at him for a brief moment. Logan could feel the tension slowly leaving your shoulder once you realized what he was trying to do. Although you were still quite stiff as you weren’t used to this. Especially from Logan.

He didn’t know what to do after that so he just left his arm there for a minute before breaking the silence.

“Is this…ok?” He asked cautiously, hoping he wasn’t crossing any boundaries.

You didn’t respond for a minute, which worried him, but you were just trying to take it all in. You slowly started to lean into him and once you were comfortable, you let out a deep breath. The tension in your muscles left like it wasn’t even there in the first place.

Logan took this as a yes.

A few minutes went by and your eyes were dropping. The warmth of Logan’s body, the blanket and the rain outside all made it too cozy to stay awake. Logan was in the same boat and he was blinking more than usual to fight to stay awake. While he took off his glasses to rub his eyes, your gentle voice caught his attention.

“You were relieved because you finally had something to describe what you’re feeling. It made you feel less alone. Right?” You’re voice was thick with tiredness and it was only a matter of time before sleep took over you.

Logan was confused for a second before he remembered what had happened earlier. He looked down at you and was about to say something but stopped once he saw you had fallen asleep.

He was grateful. For you and your explanation. And for what seemed like the first time in forever, he could finally relax. For the first time he knew how he was truly feeling. And he knew he could count on you to be here like how you can count on him.

Logan hoped you two could do this again

That was his last thought before sleep pulled him into a peaceful slumber.

[nalufever]

1, 5, 6, 9, 10, 16, 18, 21, 31, 40!!!

Wowee! Let's get going ~ Compliment your writing! Um, I'm gonna come back to this ... Er... I'm good at... I like how I use comedy and humour in my writing.

Quote one of your fics out of context : "He made love to me, marked me body and soul. Natsu claimed every future breath I will ever take. There is nothing without him, every path displays his stars in my sky. Even now, I have a need to return to his arms and submit."

Vaguely spoil one of your fics without telling us which one it is: Here's a spoiler that works for every one of my fics: the two love interests get together. LMAO

Tell us your favorite thing to drink when you write: Gin and tonic!

Tell us your favorite thing to snack on when you write: I love charcuterie plates, gimmie the nuts, cheese and meats and nobody gets hurt!

What is one of your favorite words or phrases to use in writing? Mmm. I *do* have a fav phrase but I'm not sure if I've used it in a fic or in any general writing.... 'Do you want the truth or something that makes you feel better?'

What trope have you not written yet, but want to? I think I could stretch more with genres but I also am sure I'm doing what I enjoy the most already....I guess I do have a bit of a hankering to write a 'Five times x happened and 1 time where y happened' sort of thing

What do you do when you get writer's block? Oh, I jump to another WIP or take a break with any of my other hobbies; sewing, cooking/baking, watch a kdrama, anime.

Which fic would you most like to see made into a movie? Natsu's Stars in Lucy's Sky (just to see the smexy ending)

Pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits) Star Trek, Spock: "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true." This quote is actually more opposite to any of my fics because I like to write the wanting and getting together and resulting happiness. I feel most of the anime I watch gives me no relief from the feels the characters inspire in myself - and so it's fanfic to the rescue. Y'all get coupled up and happy. Here's another answer though~ Captain Kirk's iconic motto is: "To boldly go where no man has gone before." It captures the spirit of exploration and adventure that defined his character in the Star Trek franchise. And I daresay boldly going and *doing* is what my writing is about. Pretty sure this can be applied to most of my fics. LOL

[justazebra]

Surprise ticket from yours truly, a ship or two never hurt nobody - The Ticket Courier.

OMG YAY so as many of my mutuals have been victim to the knowledge of, my favorite ship of all time is TOS k/s aka Kirk/Spock aka the first slash ship. So basically. The ship is vaguely canon because of things like. They technically almost kissed when Spock died. They’re soulmates if you read the footnotes. The acting has gay overtones not undertones. But the show started in the sixties so they’re technically not but they are but they’re not it’s complicated. They just act. Really gay. The gayest. My dudes you’re on camera it’s the 1960s so why you doin this

I mean these guys literally made fandom as we know it modernized fanfiction and were the first romantic use of the slash pairing. s2e1 Amok Time was so blatantly gay especially the resolution of the main conflict, as you can see in the above gif, which was later in the episode explained to be even gayer than it looked, because Spock needed to have sex or die and he ended up fighting Jim instead which. It’s debatable since it was never actually explained wether fighting was technically an option to resolve Spock’s thing called the Pon Farr and while it’s popularly agreed that he could fight as a supplement, it never specified that, and he was fighting for having this girl as his mate who didn’t even want him and the fight is to the death, so he’d die either way. Which leads me to believe he still needed to have sex. However, after the fight after he learned he didn’t kill Jim he said that as soon as he thought he had killed him the madness was gone. The viewer can infer that the death of his t’hy’la (closest human term is soulmate) (which side note OMGGGG bro this term was created specifically to describe Kirk and Spock’s relationship and the actual footnote describes it as “friend, brother or lover” he didn’t have to write lover this term was created to describe them aahgahghgh I will never get over it) (Vulcans which is what Spock is well he’s half Vulcan but raised Vulcan and has telepathic abilities are touch telepaths and can create mind links and it’s widely agreed that most t’hy’la have a mind link or the potential to have one and at this point wether telepathic and intentional on the characters part or not they probably at least have a great emotional bond) was so psychologically damaging to him theat it snapped him out of his biologically imperative mating death sentence. huh. there’s lots of other stuff going on in this episode that I don’t have time to write about but. This episode is pretty much the starting point for the sixties spirk girlies writing fanfiction. This episode made modern fanfiction and the slash ship which created modern fandom. Yeah. They’re soulmates. Also yknow how Vulcans are touch telepaths well touching is not something Vulcans do and very distinctly people avoid touching Spock and vice versa. He and Jim touch a LOT ok bye

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 113 - Followers of the Red Angel

Star Trek: Discovery - Season 2 Episode 2 - New Eden

Sorry it's been a few days, haven't had time to watch because my Partner's been sick, and I've been looking after him. He's doing better now, so I'm back!

We open this episode with Michael showing Pike the audio recording that Spock left behind at the end of last episode. It's very clear that these signals are related to whatever visions Spock has been having. Apparently, Spock has also been booked into a psychiatric facility, through his own choice.

Discussion about Spock are interrupted however by another Signal appearing. It is extremely far away though, hundreds of year's at Discovery's Top Speed. Pike give's the order to reactivate the Spore Drive. Paul Stamets here is great, I love how the episode is cutting through his grief and his philosophy over life, death and how it relates to him seeing Hugh in the Spore network.

Meanwhile on the bridge, we meet a mystery: There are humans on this planet! Humans who have apparently been here since before the Earth Achieved Warp capabilities. Enterprise did a similar episode, and it was a fun excuse for a western, so that immediately got my hopes up to see if we were gonna Genre shift here too, which we didn't particularly, but this pre-industrial world was still a fun setting

Apparently, these humans arrival on this planet happened during Earth's WW3, which a bit about in Enterprise, but ENT never really went into detail about WW3, so I'm hoping this is a chance to explore that. Unfortunately that didn't pan out. I am still hoping information about WW3 is something we'll get eventually, it seems like a pretty big part of Star Trek Earth's history to leave entirely vague.

We get a little bit of debate between Pike and Michael's different perspectives on what the signals are, Michael taking a more hardline Scientific approach, where as Pike takes a more philosophical approach, assuming these Red Angel signals are some kind of really advanced species and modifies the Sufficiently Advance Technology adage to apply to deities. Kinda reminded me T'Pol's and Archer's "The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that time travel is impossible" conversations in a way. I find Pike brining up the idea of a god interesting, Enterprise did briefly touch on Religion, but from experience would the first time anything like that has been brought up in relation to a crew member, and I'm curious to see how that's explored.

Over in the hanger bay, Sylvia is working on her Dark matter project, I love her enthusiasm, and just devotion to use it to make a new Spore navigation system so Paul can retire. She's perfect. Unfortunately, it goes wrong and she's knocked unconscious. I love Saru's little speech about how she needs to not overwork herself.

Discovery sends down a ground crew to the planet, and they explore it's church, which apparently has amalgamated a lot Earth's religions together. The worldbuilding of their society is actually really interesting. Apparently, these humans were taken here by Spock's Red Angel, Michael of course wants a more rational explanation, but isn't getting one. We do find out a Soldier's camera recorded this transfer. Our team ask to take shelter in the town's church, as a ruse to find this Camera, but meanwhile on the bridge, one of the planet's radioactive rings is about to collapse and cause the planet's extinction. Saru gives the order to start the rescue of the planet's populace.

Unaware of the impending disaster, we then a little debate between Pike and Michael about whether or not these humans should be reintegrated into Earth Society or if they should be left to develop on their own. They're discovered though, and they're tech is taken so that their captors can prove they're from earth. From here on out, the ground crew get to do some pretty clever low tech solutions to problems, which I loved.

In Medbay, Sylvia starts thinking through a plan to pull the debris away from the planet using the Dark Matter Meteor, and it works! Our ground crew get their tech back, and are extracted back to Enterprise while maintaining their cover. We're then left with a reveal that Sylvia has been seeing a ghost!

Pike returns to the planet to trade a power cell for the Soldier's helmet cam, to find out more info on the Red Angels, and after repairing it aboard discovery, we see that the angel is indeed real, however the feed cuts out shortly after it appears.

I really liked this episode, and I'm loving the build up of the mystery around whatever the Red Angels are, and the various moral and philosophical debates here great. Sylvia Tilly as always was a highlight

[bcbdrums]

🍄🍬🌿🧩 Truth or Dare!

"🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings"

uhmm... hmmm... hmmm... i don't think i can pick one pair, lol. i'm gonna pick. a few.

i'll preface this by saying i'm a canon purist 99% of the time, so when i have a headcanon, it's because i think i can defend it very well with evidence from the source material.

Star Trek - Jim and Spock share a mental link that was created by accident and allowed intermittent empathy/mild telepathy of both a conscious and subconscious nature. this is evidenced in several episodes, but a particular moment on the bridge in The Immunity Syndrome is my solid basis for this. (I promise I'll keep writing "Always Will"... Star Trek is the fandom of my heart. I'll come back to it. I promise.)

Kim Possible - (angst alert! tw: infant death. tw: child death. tw: miscarriage. i hope i did that right...) Drakken and Shego had twins that didn't survive. The event brought them closer together and made them re-think their priorities... This is post-canon when they were dealing with the good vs. evil issues already, and the only thing they knew for sure was they wanted to be together. This event also led them to realize...they want to be parents. (Yes, my fic "Rekindling" is in fact, headcanon...)

Soul Eater - I haven't posted a fic about this one yet so I'm leery to share it... But a story is already in the works. And I'll be very, very vague... Stein's "experiments" on Spirit were extremely mild and rapidly turned into something else... Something Stein was doing to cover for Spirit, to protect him from something else going on in his life... And that's where I'm leaving that because I want it to be a surprise when I post the story! But a couple people I've told might guess this, heheh. (No title for this story yet... Titles are my worst enemy.)

"🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character"

Spirit Albarn did not cheat on his wife. 😎 I'll die on this hill. In a diff post than the one I link, I compared him to Greg Universe (of Steven Universe). The authors present both as characters you want to hate, who you question, who look like lousy fathers. But slowly the story starts to unfold and you realize...there's more here than what was presented on the surface. And maybe the surface was a lie all along. I use that comparison because most people seem to get it with Greg. But only a few people get it with Spirit. That's fine. It's my headcanon; it doesn't have to be yours. And I enjoy other ppl's headcanons very much. But you did ask.

"🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity"

this is where the whole... 'write for yourself' thing, comes into play. i've actually seen a lot of tumblr discourse about this recently... write for yourself! people say. but, we share creations out because...we want people to see them. we are writing for ourselves, and then sharing them...

here's what i'm learning. my motivation to create has to be for myself, in the grand scheme. it's fine to create things here and there for others. and i personally love gifting fanfic. but if your goal when you go into creating is... 'i'm going to tailor this story so this person will like it,' or, 'i'm gonna post this and i can't wait till this person comments!' that's when you're in danger... you're not creating for yourself anymore. now your satisfaction is going to come from...what that person thinks, whether or not they comment, how deep is their comment...

your satisfaction has to come from responding to your own creative drive.... i suppose that's where the advice starts. make sure your motives are in the right place. and... hey, if the creativity is sated? allow yourself to rest! as i'm writing this (it's being queued so, not coming out near the same day it was asked), my writing well is a bit dry. you might want to create, and feel bad you're not doing so... but it's okay to rest! if your mind just wants to daydream but the hands don't want to write the story or draw the piece right then... just let yourself be. allow yourself that space. i think you'll find creativity is better for it in the long run.

'but i'm worried my followers will be disappointed?' now, there you're not creating for you again... if they're friends, they'll still be there. if they're just...a random number in your stats, then again... your motives aren't in the right place. i'm a firm believer in...don't base your self-worth on internet stats. it's just not something i can get onboard with. your value is not determined by number of views, comments, reblogs, etc...

"🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?"

ahhhh hmmm.... i haven't done any immediate clicks in awhile. i'd say if something squicks me pretty suddenly. but blessedly, with AO3 tagging, i can often avoid accidentally running into those things.

wanna be clear though, writing is in art itself and sometimes... well, i'll give an example. i read a fic not too long ago with a twist ending. it is the sort of thing i would not have read had i known. but, had they tagged for the twist it would have ruined the story. so i was not bothered by the lack. i personally would have done the same. am i haunted by what i read? yes. but storytelling is its own art and well...yeah. it's not like in picking up a physical book we're gonna get the tag warnings.

that was slightly off topic, uhhh... i think mostly just if one of my squicks shows up i'll click away. something that's not my thing. and depending on how good the fic is, i'll try to push past it. but if it keeps happening... like there was one long, long multi-chap where main char was kidnapped and tortured and my poor li'l happy-ending heart didn't realize until i was fairly deep in that the whole point of the fic was torture that just got worse and worse... closed that one, never finished.

oh okay but one thing... if a story is VERY out of character, then i'm not interested. like.... the whole point in fanfic is to see more of the character so if it doesn't read like them, then... yeah. that's actually probably the most immediate thing for me. i can handle poor grammar and formatting and english-second-language writers and new writers who are learning the craft... all of that is fine. long as the character is in character, i'm pretty game to read most things.

thanks for the ask!!!!

[chekovs-merkin]

a (draft) list of every time Mr. Spock had an interaction that might be construed as romantic

*this version will be deleted when (if) i fix this list up with some gifs and screenshots*

so, i have decided to compile some independent evidence on a few points that have been in (more than usual) contention lately in the fandom. my focus, as always, is tos. this one is a bit more controversial in that while i very much understand and respect that many fans see Spock as gay and/or ace, i personally feel like there's canon evidence for his being bi/pan and interested on the segs even outside of Pon Farr.

my interpretation is that both spock and kirk are bi/pan, though kirk has a marked preference towards women (see the rodenberry footnote. the love of his life just turned out not to be one. and he wouldn't have it any other way) and spock leans towards men (an interpretation not backed up statistically by the list, but who cares). again, this is my opinion, and the beauty of fandom is that it's in the eye of the beholder.

previously i made a draft list of the evidence for kirk being into men (excepting spirk evidence) in tos. the goal is to have one on all of the references to chapel's feelings for spock too, but that will be more work so maybe in a few days? never trust any promises i make on this blog

three important disclaimers before we begin: kirk, chapel and uhura will not be featured.

the reasons being, in kirk's case... *gestures vaguely at the entirety of tos*; in chapel's because i intend to go into her feelings for spock and how he reacts to them on-screen separately; and in uhura's because iirc there's only one instance of her flirting with him outside of their duets (where it can be construed as part of the performance), and it's not only in the beginning of the series, where it might be seen as Early Installment Weirdness, but also in The Naked Time, the episode where everyone goes crazy. also, uhura flirts with Everyone in this show, and i say good for her.

but enough with the preambles and on with the list:

the what the fuck?!? ones:

Leila Kalomi (This Side of Paradise) - this episode is baffling to me -- did spock and leila have something going on in the past that he ended because logic and rejection of humanity and putting starfleet first? or was it one-sided? spock says it was the first time he ever felt happy, but he acts so antithetically to who and what spock is that i personally find it hard to believe. maybe he just thought that was how happiness felt, and later on he discovers he was wrong (moments like the end of Amok Time, "this simple feeling", the beginning of WoK etc.). anyways cool motive, still drug-facilitated s.a.. big fan of sex pollen fics and that quote spock says about self-made purgatories though

T'Pring (Amok Time) - going strictly by the episode, vulcan biology... the biology of vulcans made spock want her, but he feels humiliated by the loss of logic. her reasons for not wanting him are two-fold: she simply likes stonn better (in that roundabout way vulcans admit to feelings), and she doesn't want to marry an absentee living legend, which, fair. the fact that spock's not a full vulcan must play some part in it too. but there's plenty left for interpretation. they are distant at the moment, but have they always been? how long has she been into stonn? why did they not divorce more amicably previously? i could go on forever, but i this is already too long. point being, even if it doesn't gel with my personal headcanon, there's nothing really wrong with snw's interpretation of this relationship.

the lighter ones:

Romulan Commander (The Enterprise Incident) - this woman is My Commander. I would follow her to the ends of the galaxy for the imagery she has blessed my eyes with. this being said, i think the important bit here is their conversation in the turbolift at the end. spock is not one to lie out of politeness. he could have said nothing, but he used those contorted phrases of his to imply he was a willing participant, and liked it. and she picks up what he puts down. also at some point kirk complains spock is taking too long and it cuts to them in her quarters, implying that spock got kinda into it (also, jealous, jimmy?)

Kollos (Is There No Truth in Beauty?) - this one's debatable, but i'd argue there was some attraction there, in a brainy way. smart is sexy, and all. dr. jones certainly thought so, from her reactions

Adam (The Way to Eden) - Pacifist Discount Roger Daltrey Hippie Musician In A Monokini Seduces Rebellious Vulcan was the tabloid headline

Droxine (The Cloud Minders) - insert cringey line about extreme female beauty. how the seven-year cycle became public knowledge given the drama of amok time is a mystery to me. the attraction flew out of the window real quick when the planet's situation made itself know though. anyway i shipped her with vanna.

Zarabeth (All Our Yesterdays) - i... don't get how logic can be time-locked? is the st universe secretly like a civ game? takes me out of this episode way too much. anyways he almost went full warrior vulcan and stayed in the past with her

the meme ones:

The Computer (The Ultimate Computer) - mccoy said it best.

Surak (The Savage Curtain) - spock, he's your ancestor! and at this point any intellectual crush is pretty quickly superseded by how thirsty he is for That Human Booty Intuition