#There’s also this possession aspect that I’m still trying to understand why I think it applies here…but something tells me it does??

[writerswhy]

On Alicent and religion

So, I came across this Midnight Mass gifset and these two quotes:

He doesn't understand yet that guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

I would like to be found. I would like to see. Or to be seen. I wonder if, in the eye of God, it amounts to the same thing. As it says in the Bible, For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face. If it is face to face, there must be two looking. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

And since then, I’ve been mulling over Alicent’s relationship with religion for the past few days because if there’s one thing that irks my soul, is when (western) writers write religious women as tradcath bitchy hypocrites (as opposed to religious men who use their religion as some sort of selfless sacrifice), especially when said woman is a victim of abuse. 

Instead of exploring Alicent’s religiousness as a way to cope with the abuse she endures, as part of her socialization and the community and culture she comes from, as a way to validate her innate kindness in a world where she’s surrounded by Machiavellians and careless people who can get away with things she cannot, the show manages to victim blame her by the way they frame her religiousness. That it’s another chain in this patriarchy without ever engaging with the actual patriarchs who actively abuse her on-screen. 

Something else that I want to highlight is that these systems that Alicent faces are faceless and abstract which makes the grief and anger and helplessness nearly impossible to work through. As a result, she ends up internalizing these roles - daughter, wife, mother - and when they contradict each other, or when external forces push and pull her, she ends up blaming and sacrificing herself. (As opposed to a man in Westeros like Aegon - her mirror - who can whore and drink and fight with little consequence, he may even be praised.) 

One day I’m gonna sit down and actually take my time to write these thoughts down, but here are some quick notes that I’m trying to sort through. (Note that it’s difficult for me to reconcile some of these with the Alicent(s) we see onscreen. Cooke is one of the best actors on the show but the writing for her has not been my favorite. I feel like Carey’s Alicent was more cohesive and consistent, so some these points apply more to ep 1-5 Alicent than later on.):

1. The first instance we see of her religiousness comes from a place of love. She visits the sept to feel closer to her mother and shares this with Rhaenyra to help her grieve. She uses her religion to comfort herself and connect with loved ones - living and dead. (Aegon does the same when he hides in the sept under the mother. Did he learn this from her? Did he learn this while studying the Faith of the Seven?)

2. If this greater being meant to comfort her and guide her tells her through its teachings that the very behavior she’s punished for is actually holy and human (that’s it’s right), does it help Alicent feel less alone? And if she has someone to share this belief with, like Criston? 

3. Does she channel the gods when she needs to compromise with who she is and who she needs to be? For example, Alicent was compassionate and loyal to Rhaneyra when defending her claim early on. After Rhaenyra’s betrayal, fearing for her children and honestly, it’s okay if she was offended and felt played by Rhaenyra, when she shows up to the wedding dressed in green, as a Hightower (no longer a dutiful wife), did she draw strength from the mother and father to seek justice for her and her children and to protect her family? 

This third point is so interesting to me because that’s what many real people do in real life everyday. We have to find ways to cope with life and learn how to understand ourselves, our wants, and how we can make them fit in this world. Obviously you don’t need religion to do this, but many do and in my community, religion is what keeps us grounded yet hopeful. Some of us live lives where if it were not for their religion, they’d feel less human under the systems that dehumanize them.

[luniviravosshipper]

Okay, so this is going to be a very low effort post because it’s late where I am and I’m tired, but I honestly really want to talk about this so I’m going to anyways.

So. About Sol Regem eating Pharos.

This is most definitely one of my most favorite scenes and moments in the show for many different reasons. But one of the many aspects I thought was great about it was that it did the opposite of ‘tell no show’.

The show has been hinting for ages how the dragons see the humans and elves as ants for them to stomp on or to toss around. It’s always been implied or explicitly said. There’s several moments in the show where we see the dragons threatening the lives of the main cast whenever they are even slightly displeased with them. All in all, they see them as just small things that they can disregard the lives of whenever.

Although they perhaps have more of a bias against humans, in general they look down upon both humans and elves and view them as less then. They don’t value their lives because they find their lives to be so short and them to be so minuscule in comparison to them.

And yet when we finally get to see a dragon prove this sentiment by literally eating someone, they end up choking. It’s only fitting for a dragon who believes himself to be so powerful and shows absolutely no remorse for harming the lives of others around him to end up dying literally by doing just that. His pride and arrogance, as Aaravos calls it, finally caught up to him. And in a way, as awful as it probably was for Aaravos to basically sacrifice Pharos here, it helped prove a point. It proved Aaravos’s whole argument regarding the dragons, and how selfish and apathetic they are. How they do not care about life. In this situation in particular, Sol Regem did this knowing that Pharos wasn’t the real body of Aaravos and that he was only manifesting himself through him and still ate him rashly and in a fit of rage, not even considering for a moment that he’s hurting this other person and not even remotely doing anything to harm Aaravos. If anything, again, he only helped his argument.

(I can talk about this more in another post, but I just realized that it’s also ironic how much Sol Regem hated humans because he thought they took life and showed no care for it when that’s literally all that he does. And I think that specifically is actually what Aaravos was kind of trying to prove all along. His personal vendetta against him started off with him wanting to get back at him for ratting out his daughter for sharing magic with humans, but I can imagine that after he discovered dark magic it started to shift and became more so about proving to Sol Regem that he simply had no place in general to judge dark magic or humans who use it.)

This works very well thematically and really helps to better shape the viewers understanding of the role the dragons take in the world building of this universe. As these creatures who have been put into positions of power throughout Xadia’s history, not because of what knowledge or wisdom they have or because of some special capabilities that they possess that others don’t, but because they’re so feared. They’re these big, angry, and violent creatures that everyone has just grown too fearful of to actually face.

And when we’re finally shown why they have been so feared, we see one of them face the consequences of his own actions within the very same moment he acts. And it’s great.

[sixisnotaprettynumber]

This might be a controversial opinion but I think the possession scenes in s2 were not only necessary for Ben’s character but also the characterizations of the Hargreeves’ siblings in general, if only because it re-establishes two of the main issues that they struggle with due to the abuse they suffered as children - being unable to comprehend autonomy and struggling with gaining (and lacking) control.

From the beginning of s1 it’s shown that despite the majority of the siblings’ strained relationship with Reginald, they all still play the parts he assigned to them well into adulthood - Luther is the ever-loyal golden child, Diego is competitive and rebellious but is still playing hero through his vigilante work, Allison has completely leaned into the fame that her powers and the Academy got her, Klaus is the failure that never managed to reach his true potential and Viktor is still ordinary. And when Reginald (while unbeknownst to the siblings) creates a plan for them all to return home and band together, they ultimately end up following through.

We don’t get to really see this with Ben though. Sure, he gets onto Klaus about his addiction - but that’s not a control thing, that’s just because he loves his siblings’ and wants his brother to be safe and healthy, right?

And to an extent the answer is yes. Obviously he loves Klaus. Obviously he wants the best for him. But I think that it’s telling that Ben’s method of trying to get Klaus sober relies on prioritizing other people - specifically himself. In fact, his main argument for Klaus getting sober is because his addiction makes Ben feel like he has no input or control.

And while it comes across as being self-centered, it (in my opinion) shows that the siblings’ genuinely view having some sort of control/input to be important - and they equally expect the others’ to understand why they are upset when they don’t have it.

This leads directly into the possession issue in s2. Ben - who’s been dead for seventeen years, whose Dad methodically stripped away his and his siblings autonomy as children, whose sister literally has the power to make people do whatever they want, whose body acts as a host/portal for a horrifically violent eldritch being - sees an opportunity for control. And he takes it! Because obviously. Who wouldn’t?

While we the audience know that behavior is wrong and invasive - the Hargreeves’ don’t. Their idea of privacy and free will - and honestly just ethics in general - is super screwed up. Even Diego - whose strong moral compass is one of the biggest aspects of his character - doesn’t view Ben possessing Klaus as wrong. To him, it’s a joke at best and irritating to Klaus at worse. It’s a part of a bigger pattern seen with the siblings throughout the show.

Losing autonomy is just normal to them. It doesn’t even cross their minds that they’re being cruel to one another - this is especially true when it comes to Ben and Klaus’s relationship! They aren’t trying to hurt each other in s2 (for the most part), they’re trying to annoy one another - they just grew up in an environment where they never learned where the line was.

Now, I’m just going to end this here because otherwise I’d just keep rambling on about how this relates to the lack of boundaries between the siblings (specifically Klaus and Ben) in general or how it reflects Ben’s view of the horror or a million other different things. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far - but I don’t blame anyone who didn’t.

[etaindelaserna]

Hello....Because you also love shipping, can I ask your thoughts on these ships : GoYuu & SatoSugu (JJK), NaruSasu (Naruto) and ZuTara (ATLA)?

Hey! You can ask me anything✨

Let’s see…

GoYuu

Personally I haven’t dived into this ship yet but I can see why people are interested in it: whenever Gojo and Yuuji are together they seem to share on brain cell and are just one big doofus force to be reckoned with.

Him and Yuuji have the same energy and they just click on that level. There is no awkwardness, no uncertainty, they just understand one another. Also they don’t seem to have any concept of personal space whatsoever with each other. Then there is the fact that they have had their fair share of losing important people to “the dark side” and being helpless to stop it. I can see Gojo looking at Yuuji and comparing him to Suguru. And because Yuuji isn’t losing faith in his purpose as a jujutsu sorcerer, it might help Gojo to make his peace with the past. I see them as a fluffy ship for the most part. Gojo perfect at everything being completely smitten with and supportive of Yuuji who has to try very hard. Then there is also the sensei/student dynamic and, if we bring Sukuna into the mix, a lot of animosity from Sukuna towards Gojo (with potential for situational comedy) and possessive behaviour from both Gojo and Sukuna. Also: Gojo is a shameless flirt while Yuuji is just cute and a ray of sunshine and maybe even wouldn’t realise it when he is flirted with. There are so many story building ideas and questions you can do with this ship.

SatoSugu

It does have a lot of NaruSasu vibes for me and yet SatoSugu works where NaruSasu failed. It is able to pull off comedy, fluff, tragedy and sexy with ease, which as a combination can be very addictive. Two characters who have a very deep connection and friendship driven apart by circumstances and the clash of their ideals. That’s heartbreaking stuff. There are so many What-if? questions you can ask about their story. Suguru left a wound that will never really heal. Also: they are both ridiculous handsome and talented characters whom I can see bickering about the most unimportant things just for the fun of it and because they cannot control their temper and ego around each other. The shameless flirt and the thoughtful one, the overachiever and the one, who can’t follow. I think they work pretty well as a ship because they have got so many dynamics you can explore.

NaruSasu

One of the big, popular Naruto ships that never clicked for me. Maybe because I didn’t like Sasuke much. Maybe because Kishi was just about to develop their friendship when Sasuke left. Sasuke’s motives never resonated with me and that’s probably why I had a hard time understanding why Naruto wanted to bring him back. It seemed due to obligation rather than friendship. BUT I can still somewhat see the appeal. Naruto yearning, thinking he can save him, fix him, wanting to show him that their friendship is enough, that he doesn’t have to seek vengeance, that love is worth feeling and that without loss or pain there can be no love to begin with. Also: they are constantly at each other’s throats, they both have grown up for the most part without their parents, they can relate to each other because of their trauma AND although they have different personalities they do share the same kind of humour. Much to work with but I never saw potential for something more than friendship. Even “friendship” was a hard pill for me to swallow the moment Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura. I see the drama, the tragedy, even the brotherly aspect of their bond, but not romance.

ZuTara

The classic tale of “from enemies, to reluctant allies, to friends, to we have deep but also complicated feelings for each other”. It’s the “love that was meant to be but never came to be” trope. And I’m always down for it.

Their chemistry was off the charts from day one. Both are incredible fierce, stubborn and loyal. They played well off each other due to the circumstances of Katara’s parents having been killed by the Fire Nation. I always got the impression that there was a deep connection and understanding passing between them every time they met. Almost like a constant “What if…?”, a “I understand where you are coming from but I still have to do this”. There was a certain something in the way Zuko looked at her. I never exactly understood why it wasn’t meant to be. Him throwing himself in front of her to protect her from the lightning?! I was a goner. They gave me the Dramione feels but with much more fan service in the canon storyline. In my head they’re endgame. End of story.

[rozieramati]

5/4/23

i went outside again today. i’m trying to make it part of my routine.

i can definitely feel this scorpio lunar eclipse energy. i got a total of two hours of sleep yesterday. this entire week has been intense and busy for me. in good ways, and potentially bad ways. i haven’t decided if they’re bad or not.

i don’t really know what i want anymore. in terms of romance. i think i’m turned off by everyone. except the right ones. one. there’s only one. i feel ashamed for still wanting him. i should be ashamed. i wish there was someone like him. someone who also possesses a uniquely harsh exterior that, at moments, strikes anxiety but also an immense softness that is hard to ignore. when i was with him it felt like i was holding a weightless dove, his flutter-heart pattering love rhythms into my palms.

he knows how to perfectly balance the taboo as well, i’ve never met anyone that intelligent before. he would never admit his intelligence. but he’s the smartest person i know. it’s few people that think in the ways we do. i know because i’ve met the ones close to it, but not quite there. to have both high moral standards, while also having a desire to break the rules and to lean into taboo ways of living, is rare.

i crave someone with the ability to navigate that in the ways that i do. someone that’s able to turn it on and off like me. to resist, to give in, to resist again. it’s a mediation. it’s as if the universe takes hold of you, begins to suffocate you, and then suddenly lets go, so you can take in one big euphoric breath. i want someone like that. someone that understands that. he understood.

i feel like the scorpio eclipse should be making me want to run away from him, it’s what is logically the best option. if it was anyone else i would run away. but for some reason it feels like the more i resist him, the more i’m pulled back to him. like there’s this unstoppable force that won’t let me let him go and vice versa.

i’ll never be able to make sense of whatever it is we have, had, etc. none of it can be logically explained despite my best efforts.

the most heartbreaking aspect of it all is that it really is something i’ll never know. i’ll never know why i love him. i can seriously never explain it, it just exists. like how seasons and gravity exist.

i like to be able to explain things. i like to be able to pick them apart, stamp them on a piece of paper, tie them in neat bows. i want to be able to know why. love is an unforeseen force. i don’t even want to love him. but i know i do. which is weird. it’s all so fucking weird. it doesn’t make sense. i used to be able to make sense of love.

i suppose i never knew love until i met him.

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, just started “Memnoch the Devil”, and just one chapter in I’m starting to feel my heart give way, lol.

Lestat’s fear of this thing that’s following him, and how much he wants David with him, and how much he fears David is going to leave him, is breaking my heart. 

There’s obviously an aspect of Lestat’s relationship with David of a father figure, or Lestat seeks in him a father figure, like with Marius as well, and just thinking about how that connects with his relationship with his actual father kills me.  Lestat never abandoned him, even though he would have had every right to.  But he went to him when he was sick and dying, and kept him with him.  I always thought Lestat’s love for his father, despite how badly the man treated him, was touching and heartbreaking in itself.  Lestat needed a father growing up, but of course, all he got was judgment and cruelty and disapproval.  And we see how that continues to effect him to this very day, with his obvious fear of David’s disapproval, how it still shocks and confuses him that David even came to him, or that he’s willing to stay with him.  This is further testament too to Lestat’s continuing to see himself as this unlovable monster, the shame he feels for being what he is, and it’s just as painful to see as ever.

But just seeing his fear play out of abandonment is devastating, because he’s so used to it.  It’s like he’s trying to brace himself for it.  He’s scared out of his mind here, and he needs someone with him, he’s seeking some kind of comfort, and his shame in that is also so sad and speaks to the kind of emotional damage his childhood has wrought on him.  But he’s battling between the fear of what’s stalking him and the fear of being left alone, and both seem just as powerful.  Like how he feels envious and despairing over David having been taken in and accepted by Jesse and Maharet, and how close to Jesse he must be.  And I don’t think this feeling in Lestat is born out of greed, or possessiveness, I think it’s born out of a fear of not being good enough for David.  Of course David would rather be with Jesse and Maharet than him.  He’s the one after all that wronged David by turning him against his will, and he’s a perpetual disappointment to everyone in his life anyway.  He doesn’t understand why anyone would love him. 

Like this part, when David is trying to keep Lestat on track, because he keeps changing the subject and talking about seemingly random things

“Lestat, your mind’s wandering.  What’s the matter with you?  Why are you afraid?”

And Lestat responds with

“You want to go back to Jesse and Maharet, don’t you?”  I asked suddenly, a feeling of hopelessness descending on me.  “You want to study for the next hundred years, among all those tablets and scrolls, and look into Maharet’s aching blue eyes, and hear her voice, I know you do.”

Letat seems just as terrified to me here that David is going to abandon him as he is of this stalker, just as afraid of being left alone and abandoned for something and someone better.  This really kills me, because it underscores just how much Lestat really isn’t so much of a vain narcissist as he believes, but rather just someone who seeks attention and acknowledgement because he’s certain that nobody really cares about him, that nobody really could, and he’s always pushing to prove it, always pushing because he’s certain eventually others will have to see and admit what he sees and thinks about himself, that he’s this evil being that doesn’t deserve their love.  He’s so certain of it that it’s almost like it’s a torment to him, that others still seem to care or say they care about him, like he’s always just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for them to suddenly realize what he is, and when they do, they’ll leave him.  Better, he thinks, to just force them to see it and get the inevitable abandonment over with.

David says to him, when explaining how much the other vampires wanted to know how Lestat survived his encounter with the Body Thief

“And I don’t think you know quite how you alarmed them, and how much they love you.”

Lestat replies with skepticism, asking

“They love me, do they?”  I said of the others, the remnants of our revenant species around the world.  “I know they didn’t try to help me.”

We see this with Lestat as a recurring theme, this belief that no one could really, truly love him, and it’s entirely tied, I think, into his inability to really love himself.  He’s grown to completely hate himself.  When he says this line here, while describing the thing that’s stalking him, the way it follows him while deliberately makes it known to Lestat

“Damn it, I’ve done this to mortals myself and it’s so vicious.  God!  Why was I ever created!”

It’s what makes his claims of vanity so sad in a way, because for every instance of him calling himself beautiful, or bragging about his charms or abilities, he also calls himself a monster, or shows self-disgust like in the above quote, and refers negatively to his need for attention.

When David tells him that this thing following him obviously is only interested in him, and not any of the other vampires, Lestat thinks

“I was crestfallen.  I am proud, I am an egomaniac of a being; I do love attention; I want glory; I want to be wanted by God and the Devil.  I want, I want, I want.”

You always get the sense with Lestat that his egotism is more of an act than anything.  He really thinks lowly of himself.  He sees his need for attention as a distinctly bad thing, and acknowledging it here brings him pain.  It’s yet another consequence of him having grown to accept this idea of himself as this irredeemable monster, as this greedy and evil being.  He sees his desire for acknowledgment and love as some sort of testament to his worthlessness. 

And we see this again, we see the shame he feels in wanting and needing love, and his continual surprise whenever anyone actually expresses love towards him, or promises to stay with him.

“I sat still, conscious of stupid discomforts, that the place was stuffy, that the perfume was not really perfume, that there were no lilies in these rooms, that it was going to be very cold outside, and I couldn’t think of rest until dawn forced me to it, and the night was long, and I was not making sense to David, and I might lose him... and that Thing might come, that Thing might come again.

“Will you stay near me?”  I hated my own words.

“I’ll stand at your side, and I’ll try to hold on to you if it tries to take you.”

“You will?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Why?”

Lestat goes on, after David tries to explain that they share a special connection that Lestat doesn’t have with any of the others, and speaks about Marius being angry at him for not becoming his pupil

“Well put.  That is what he believes.  Oh, but he’s angry with me for much greater things than that, you weren’t one of us when I woke the Mother and the Father.  You weren’t there.”

Again we see from Lestat just this constant, unfailing fear of and certainty in the disapproval of others, and again I think this ties back into how he grew up, and his experiences with Nicki and his early life as a vampire.  He’s talking here about how Marius is so angry at him for screwing up, for having caused something he never meant to cause.  It’s completely like a child who feels mortified at having disappointed a parent.

And again we see this awful shame he has in his own need for comfort, when he asks David

“Yes, could you get us some rooms there?  Actually I have mortal agents who can do this sort of thing, I don’t know why in the world I’m whining like a fool in this place, asking you to take care of humiliating particulars...”

And again here, when David offers to stay with him for that night

“No, go on, I have to finish this one.  I need you, I really need you.  I needed to tell you, and to have you with me, the age-old venerable human needs, but I don’t need you at my side.  I know you’re thirsting...”

And when Lestat forces himself to leave the hotel without David, we see what an awful struggle it is for him

“I laughed.  I leant to give him a quick kiss on the forehead, so swift others would not make anything of it if they saw it, and then swallowing the fear, the instantaneous fear, I left him.”

This shame and humiliation Lestat feels in needing David with him, in needing any kind of comfort, once more, I think, ties back into what he was taught growing up, that to really need and seek comfort from others was a shameful thing, and a burden on those he sought it from.  It’s so sad.  And particularly I find it sad because Lestat himself is such an affectionate, loving person.  He really is.  He loves to lavish gifts and affection and attention on those he loves.  He wants contact, he wants intimacy, but he’s completely convinced and fearful that if he seeks it, he’ll be rebuffed and told he’s being a pain or a nuisance.  We see that at the beginning of this chapter too, when Lestat goes to hug David and he’s so uncertain that David will allow it, or want it

“I wanted to kiss him, and suddenly I did put out my arms, rather tentatively and politely so that he could get away if he wanted, and when he let me hug him, when he returned the warmth, I felt a happiness I hadn’t experienced in months.”

It’s just really such a heartbreaking thing to realize about Lestat, how much he wants and needs love, but how certain he is that he doesn’t deserve it, and how his experiences throughout his life have taught him that his need for it is this shameful thing, and that his seeking it from others is somehow an awful burden on them, that it makes him greedy for wanting it.  Just the way he says here that he held out his arms in a way that would make it easy for David to get away from him if he wanted to... ah, that hurts man.  Like Lestat is so convinced that David WILL want to get away from him, because that’s what Lestat is used to, people’s eventual rejection.  And the tragic sweetness of him always being so surprised, and so overwhelmed by happiness at something as simple and common as a hug being returned... God, it just speaks volumes about the damage neglect can have on a person.  Lestat calls himself greedy for wanting the simplest and most basic of human contact, something which should be available to and freely given to anyone, and which no one should be made to feel bad for wanting.  But Lestat feels like the world’s worst person for wanting it.  Damn.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 27: The Power of the Dog

I feel like I should try to get down some ideas about this book because I do have a lot of them floating around. But it’s hard to know where to start.

One of my favorite aspects of the novel was the expert way it was crafted. Everything fits together. The conclusion is only possible because every detail that came before was placed just so, because everything connects. The Gordons and the Burbanks feel almost magically connected or intertwined, like they were all meant to be together–like perhaps fate was conspiring to bring Rose and George together, so that Rose’s real life could finally begin? That’s only Peter’s perspective on her life, but I think he would perhaps see the events of the novel in just that way, and he does get the powerful position of ending the story. Maybe he really is special and chosen, etc. etc.

I enjoyed tracing the different connections and the coincidences that perhaps were not coincidences–the burden-heavy coincidences–that formed a web through the novel, which was especially easy to do after having just seen the movie. And I felt like I kept seeing more of them. Phil’s cruelty precipitates Johnny’s death, and Johnny’s death both makes the marriage of George and Rose possible, but also leaves Peter in possession of his father’s books, which allows him to engineer Phil’s death. Johnny’s last words to Peter were about kindness, and the definition he gave, removing obstacles from loved ones’ lives, already so warped by his own decision to remove himself as an obstacle, became more warped still in Peter’s mind. He eliminates Phil as an obstacle because of this lesson, which of course Johnny was only in a position to give because he was broken by the encounter with Phil…

In so many ways, Phil engineers his own death. It’s just so fascinating to pull apart the threads.

This is going to be hard for me to explain, but there’s something so wonderfully complex about Peter and Phil and their relationship, which is particularly satisfying when set in contrast to the very simple overarching story. I understand why early reviewers, uncomfortable with the content, focused on the ‘good versus evil’ aspect. It’s really not that simple, and yet, from the perspective of George and Rose in particular, there’s something to that reading. The cause and effect is so clear, and the story fairly simple to describe: Rose, the widow, and George, the wealthy rancher, and their marriage, and Phil’s torments, and Peter’s revenge, clearing the way for Rose and George’s happy ending.

But then you turn to Phil and Peter, and there are no easy answers and certainly no simple morality. This is where the complexity of Phil’s part in his own death, and the hidden secrets of sexuality, and the impossibility of neatly placing good and evil onto their characters or interactions, or the equal impossibility of placing them as people into the accepted societal roles available to them, and the strangeness and tension of their own relationship, all come together, like a Rubik's cube I just want to roll over and over again in my hands.

So, I’m going to try to untangle it a little. Phil creates the circumstances of his own death, is an instrumental part of it, by targeting Johnny, by not wearing gloves, by starting the relationship with Peter, and by accepting the rawhide from him. The gloves (the bare hands really) and the rope in particular are such fraught symbols. 

Part of the reason Phil doesn’t wear gloves (at least according to the reading given in the afterward, which I agreed with) is because he’s crafting a persona of extreme manliness so that no one will perceive he is, like Peter, “a sissy.” His bare hands are a sort of costume, or an overcompensation. And Peter exploits it. If he didn’t try so hard to hide himself, to be hyper-masculine lest anyone suspect his homosexuality, then the plan would not work. Phil is obsessed with revealing others’ secrets and hidden shame; he’s an obnoxiously honest person, at least as it pertains to other people, but his own honesty about himself (he does what he wants! Who cares about manners?!) is itself complex, a lie and a truth all mixed up. Peter’s plan is to murder Phil but it’s also a way of revealing a truth about Phil, of laying him bare just as Phil does to others. Why are your hands bare, Phil? Why do you care so much about showing us your work-worn hands? Are they a form of self-protection? Aren’t you afraid they could be a form of self-harm?

Bare hands and bare skin are also intimate, though. And braiding the rope is intimate, especially for Phil. He associates it with Bronco Henry, and with another man for whom he appears to have a considerable and unusual amount of affection. Peter offering the rawhide and requesting a lesson in braiding is a breaking point for Phil, the high point of intimacy in the novel: this is when Phil not only allows himself to touch Peter, but to remember the most personal parts of his relationship with Bronco Henry, and his description of what it means to teach and to be taught a skill, the skill of braiding rope in particular, is so beautiful but also so erotic, so fraught. The act of learning is that of emulating is that of becoming one.

In opening himself up to intimacy, he also brings about his own death. 

In the movie, I wasn’t sure to what extent Peter was really interested in Phil and to what extent he was just playing him. In the book, it’s fairly obvious to me that he’s entirely playing with him. The most that can be said about the reality of their relationship is that ‘hatred is its own bond,’ and that Peter does seem to be moved by the sight of Phil naked in the river. But the perception Phil has that Peter is deeply interested in his stories is undoubtedly a false one: in the previous scene, from Peter’s POV, we see how deeply uncomfortable he is with reminiscing. And of course he shows no regret at all about Phil’s death, though in a way he does ‘attend’ the funeral. 

If told in a different way, if Peter were a different character, I’d almost read Phil’s demise as a punishment for his sexuality: the moment he openly courts intimacy with another man is the same moment he seals his fate. But it’s not that simple, because Peter is also gay. I read his friendship with the boy from school as, if not a romantic relationship, at least a crush, or an unspoken intimacy.

Peter uses the tool of their intimacy and connection in the same way he uses the tool of their similarity. When Phil comes up with his plan and first reaches out to Peter and shows him the rope, he plants the idea in Peter’s mind, and begins his plan for him. Both of their plans, in other words, require them to have a relationship with each other. The plans start at the same moment and they both revolve around the same piece of rope. They are the same in that moment: two gay men who cannot live freely and comfortably in their society; two men who are much smarter than everyone around them; two men who know how to discover and reveal the intimate and shameful secrets of others; two men with plans to destroy each other. 

But Peter is the winner. And one marked difference between them is that Peter does not hide his sexuality. He has no secrets, then, nothing that anyone can reveal about him that hasn’t already been revealed. He’s suffered greatly already for this aspect of himself he cannot hide, but in his interactions with Phil, it’s a strength. Phil thinks he exploits Peter’s desire for male friendship. But Peter is the one exploiting Phil and his secrets. So what is Peter punishing Phil for? Being gay or being hidden, closeted, false?

(And terrorizing his mother of course.)

[kingfishered]

“Don’ worry about it, dear, I’m sure I can find it in ma heart tae forgive ye,” Elsie waved off Ghost’s worries with a kind smile and a gentle laugh. As if she was going to blame him for something like that, honestly. She might have continued a conversation with him if Lorna hadn’t jumped in with the teasing, but she was distracted by the need to mediate whatever was likely about to go down between her kids. She was determined to find out more about this man her son had apparently fallen for, though. He was a little too English for her tastes, a displeasure she’d already voiced to John, but so far he seemed polite enough despite it.

Johnny’s embarrassment didn’t die with Simon’s tease about his nickname, purely because it was true and now Simon knew it - he was truly the only one Johnny allowed to use that name. He hoped knowing it wouldn’t put Simon off, because hearing any other name from him would just feel odd now.

Beth felt eyes on her, glancing over to Ghost just in time to see him turn his gaze away, back onto John. Rather than appearing unsettled about this, however, she found herself briefly regarding him with curiosity before she returned to the conversation. It seemed all the MacTavishes possessed that distinct lack of fear that John did - whether it was from bravery or stupidity was still yet to be determined. She wondered what he’d been thinking. Or, perhaps it had just been the painkillers. He did have a notably vacant look in his eyes, she had spotted.

The MacTavishes had heard a lot about Ghost, yet somehow through all John’s talk they didn’t actually… know a lot about him. He managed to rattle on about the man, who everyone had figured out he had feelings for pretty quickly, for ages without ever giving away anything personal about him. They didn’t even know his name, for God’s sake. Mostly, they were subjected to stories about things Ghost had said or done, anecdotes and rambles about aspects of the man that John admired or adored. But never anything below surface level. John always made sure of it.

Elsie’s teasing smile dropped as Ghost said it, that it was his fault her John had got hurt. But he continued to say that it was because John had gone back in, **which to her sounded like it hadn’t been Ghost’s fault at all, **rather her own son’s idiotic, heroic tendencies.

Johnny recognised the guilt in Simon’s expression, could maybe even see insecurity behind his words. Perhaps it hadn’t been a good idea to suddenly spring meeting his family on Simon while he was in this state, he could only imagine how stressed the man must be.

“Aye, bu’ who’s fault was it the buildin’ went down in the first place?” Johnny reminded him, trying to soothe some of his guilt. Johnny blamed himself for what had happened but knew if he voiced this Simon would shoot it down immediately. It was clear that it was also the same vice versa. If they could share the burden, it might make it a lot easier for the both of them.

What Johnny said, however, seemed to be Elsie’s last straw.

“John Laith MacTavish,” she spoke, dangerously calm, and Johnny felt his heart sink at the use of the full name. There was a lecture incoming- “If I’m understanding this situation correctly, you brought down a building then went back inside, yes?”

“Yes,” Johnny confirmed, already sounding defeated.

“An’ why on Earth would you think that’s a good idea?! Are ye aff yer heid? Anyone wit’ even a shred of common sense can see how stupid tha’ is! Really, I dinnae ken how ye made it this far in life if tha’s the kinda decision yer makin’ oot there! Ye could have died!”

“An’ if I didn’ go back in, S- Ghost would’a died!” Johnny corrected himself, even if he was mid-retort, because he had no idea if Simon wanted them knowing his name, “If he had an’ I’d done nothin’, wha’ then? His blood would have been on my hands, I wouldnae have even tried tae help! Ye think I could- live with myself, after that?”

Johnny’s voice broke towards the end, and to his horror he realised there were tears in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, pressing his good hand over his face, wishing the mattress would swallow him up then and there. This was very much a group of people he didn’t want to cry in front of - then again, any group of people was. It seemed he didn’t have a choice, though, because once the tears started they didn’t want to stop.

He just felt awful about the entire thing. Even though everyone had been telling him not to blame himself, including himself, it was impossible. No one could deny that he had been the one to set off those charges while Simon was still in the building, because it was true. Had he not gone back into that building and had Simon died in there, it would have been his fault.

He would have been the one to kill Simon.

For a while when they were trapped in there, he thought he had. That thought would haunt him for the rest of his life. The memory of seeing Simon bleeding out, unable to do anything but watch.

Elsie’s exasperation was gone the instant she saw his tears, and within moments she was pulling him as gently as she could into a hug. At first he seemed reluctant, but it didn’t take him long to melt in his mother’s arms, turning to press his head against her shoulder. He felt like a bit of an idiot: a 26 year old man, a soldier no less, crying in his mother’s arms. But right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Seeing Johnny look so in love, and then to see his sisters also seeing that look and proceed to tease him among themselves…

It all felt so sickeningly domestic. He’d take walking into the line of fire over this any day, at least before he’d met Johnny. Now? Well, he was feeling nauseous anyway from the pain medication. What harm could a little more do if Johnny was there with him? He’d manage.

Simon offered a smile and a calm response, though he was feeling anything but. “I’d appreciate th’chance, Ms.MacTavish. Like to be able to make a good impression on you all, too, but…” He trailed off, pointing idly to the thick bandages that were covering one side of his head. He didn’t really think he needed to say anything else on that, they spoke for themselves.

It was odd, though, hearing that Johnny apparently hated the nickname, well, Johnny. But every time that it came from his mouth, Simon swore the Scot could light up the room with the smile he wore on his face.

He hated it, just not from him.

Simon found himself unable to let that lie. “Special just for me, ey?” he teased lightly, though it was clearly an attempt at turning the situation from one of embarrassment for Johnny into something much sweeter. The realisation made Simon feel like he was wrapped in a warm, fluffy blanket as opposed to Price’s heavy, smoky-smelling coat. If it was still embarrassing for him, Simon would just have to blame his unintentionally dry delivery of the line. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t figure out what emotions he needed to use in his voice when he was stressed.

His sisters had laughed anyway, unfortunately for Johnny it did seem to be at his expense, and as the conversation continued, Simon found his gaze lingering on Johnny’s other sister a little longer, Beth. Then, worried that the watching would unnerve her—he wasn’t exactly the most soft-looking person on the planet, or even in the fucking building–he blinked and cast his gaze back to Johnny.

She looked a bit like her. She looked a bit like Tommy’s Beth.

Through all of his pondering and the sickening realisation that he might not actually be able to do this at all, Simon had missed the next chunk of the conversation, only zoning back in after Johnny’s mother had scolded them all.

It was odd, hearing that they wanted to make a good impression on him. He couldn’t figure out why. They didn’t know that he and Johnny had spent the better part of two hours cuddling on a single bed, nor that even before that he’d been trying to devour each other's faces and touch as much skin as they could.

So… was that what Johnny had told them about him? That he fancied him? That was these strangers’ first introduction to him?

Simon felt his face flush and he shifted a little where he was sitting, Price’s coat finally slipping down from his broad shoulders and falling into his lap.

Well, while it was already going downhill…

“Afraid I do have to apologise,” he began, trying to school his voice back into professional legibility. “Johnny only got hurt because of me, he came back to help me when he didn’t have to. I just… thought you should know. Your son saved my life, Ms.MacTavish. If he hadn’t come back for me, I’d be dead.”

It was blunt, and Simon struggled to make eye contact with anyone other than Johnny after speaking, but he managed to get it out. Johnny had saved his life, though not just back in that building.

But, now it was time for Simon to have somehow already managed to push Johnny’s family away as far as he could get them. Really, what response did he expect after telling a mother he nearly got her son killed?

He realised that was maybe why he’d admitted it. He’d already thought once that he couldn’t do this and now, without even noticing, his brain had started devising a plot to get him out of the situation.

It’ll just take time, he promised himself silently, keeping his jaw clenched shut tightly so he didn’t fuck anything else up.

[lamedemoniaque]

December 6th ~5:23pm EST

Today I have turned 23 years old and today is a day I have felt a stronger, more ruthless urge to hurt myself and eventually kill myself.

I will attempt to try to sum up my thoughts about this with relative organization.

1. I was in the US Navy from October 2018 to October 2022 and this has greatly affected my mental state possible for the rest of my life. The military is a killing organization where your supposed brothers and sisters are nothing more than worthless dogs. I would say before getting out that my dog days are over, but this finding may just be true for American life, not just one corporeally bound in blood.

2. I lay awake in the vastness of my not twisted, but mostly sick mind. I think of horrible things which I thought would not be in my mind at this time, but time seems to not only heal, but eventually erode even non-corporeal such as the mental states of me and my contemporaries. I understand that such thinking is of my own volition and could somewhat simply be stopped by changing my mindset and adjusting to what I in this moment believe to be delusion and I am not opposed to such behavior, but the more knowledge I acquire about the world and the things I see and enjoy and hate and especially the people I know, the more delusion seems out of reach.

3. I’ve hated my birthday at least since I was 18. 18 for me locked in my concerns of seemingly having my youth behind me and every birthday since has been a reminder of the loose progress I’ve made but also a more bleak, horrible reminder that my time is finite and that it’s entirely possible that I die tomorrow and I could relatively count the years I’ve been alive. It gets worse every year due to the fact that I am ever evolving and seeing people much older than me “fail” to get a grip on whatever arbitrary nonsense I believe to be success or fulfillment. I come more and more close to a realization that we, as a collective, do in fact not have a grip on any aspect of this life we are seemingly forced to live.

4. I fear creating art not because I think it’s evil or could be seen as aligned with destructive ideologies, but because I am in awe (in a bad way) about endless possibility. Such a horrible cage to put oneself into but there only seems to be anecdotal and downright selfish solutions to such problems. The only thing I can say for sure that we all need and deserve is a guided journey through the many natural psychedelic drugs we have at our disposal. I have only felt content when staring at a lightshow completely blasted off of two tab.

5. I’m getting older and things drilled into me from a young age aren’t seeming to fade. Why, the only thing I can truly say I have ever wanted is deep, lasting companionship. The part that is getting to me is that this is how most people feel! This isn’t even some neurodivergent mismatch caused by unexplained phenomena in my mind, but just relatively normal thoughts! I am an outsider on the inside and even in this mania I feel more and more recently, I understand that I tend to get what I want, not merely in material possessions but things of more abstract desires and I have lived a long, gruely but short and tireless life so far. I still want to kill myself but it’s my birthday! Of course I want to kill myself! That’s the only real constant i have in my life

[legoshi-plz]

WAIT WHAT ABOUT A CHUBBY S/O WITH NSFW FOR THE G A N G ??? -🐙anon

A/N: Alright alright alright! Now that’s a big-brained prompt right there! I kept it shorter this time and with less characters because doing the usually lineup was taking way too long

Warning: NSFW. Also this is written for Fat/Plus-Sized! Readers. It was intentionally specific in that way. Please no Fatphobia, if you don’t resonate with that then this might not be for you. Reader is also Gender-Neutral.

//////////

Louis:

- So scrawny yet has the most confidence out of anybody.

- Sees having a heavier S/O as a testament of his own prowess.

- “You’re not too heavy, I can handle it. Just trust me, beautiful.”

- Always pushing the limits when it comes to throwing you around and picking you up. You’re always scared he’s going to drop you but he never does.

- Exclusively prefers chubby partners. They just feel right for him, feel softer, feel better, especially during sex.

- Speaking of sex, Louis always has to top, please don’t try to persuade him otherwise. It’s really important to him to prove to you that he’s capable of fucking you out good and proper despite being on the skinner side.

- Please be loud and tell him what a good job he’s doing, it strokes his ego so much.

Legoshi:

- He’s actually not picky about what body type his partner has. Legoshi usually falls for personality first and will love any body that that personality comes in.

- Or at least that’s what he likes to think, until he gets a taste of life of the fluffier side.

- Has a hard time keeping his hands off you, your body just turns him on so much. He even feels pretty guilty about it because the last thing he wants to do is annoy you but one look at your thighs and he’s on you in an instant.

- He’s very gentle with you. You’re just so soft and so delicate, he couldn’t stand if he hurt you. Fucks you nice and slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to his size before he picks up the pace.

- Could go down on you for hours and has. Can’t get enough of your taste, it’s almost hypnotizing to him. Makes you cum with his mouth again and again until you’re literally begging him for a break.

- Legoshi is also a hopeless romantic. Very common for him to go off on poetic tangents about how much he loves your body. Incorporates body worship often during sex but also outside the bedroom as well.

Gouhin:

- Gouhin is a panda so chubby, bigger bodies are the norm for his kind. Despite him being a muscular outlier, he’s still almost exclusively attracted animals with more fat.

- Likes his partners HEAVY, says he just can’t feel anything with a skinny partner. Very open and proud about his preference.

- Craves how warm you are and is constantly sticking his hands up your shirt, down your pants, in between your thighs, etc. to warm them up. Just likes to always be touching you somehow.

- Also loves for you to sit on his lap, even for mundane things. As far as he’s concerned, his lap is your permanent seat and even has you sit on his lap in public. If at a gathering with friends, they know better than to offer you your own seat because they already know Gouhin’s not having that.

- Since he’s so muscular, he’s not afraid to do all the work in bed. He actually perfers it that way, really makes him feel like an Alpha male. He will still let you on top (he has an absolute weakness for you riding him), but his strong arms are going to be wrapped around your waist/hips helping guide you while he’s thrusting up into you. Finds it adorable when you get tired and he has to take over.

- “You did so good baby but now it’s time to let Daddy do the work.”

- Aftercare with him is so sensual. He loves to kiss every inch of you afterwards, especially your tummy. He actually has quite the fixation on your tummy, loves the roundness of it. Usually showers it with kisses and then starts going lower which inevitably leads to a Round 2.

Riz:

- Again, like Gouhin, he’s a bear and bears just prefer animals with more meat on their bones. He sees it as a given and thinks everybody knows about this preference bears have so he’s genuinely shocked when people don’t know this.

- However, unlike Gouhin, he’s a little less... refined in his attraction. Riz unintentionally seems like he has a fetish for plus-sized animals by how horny curvy body types make him, but that’s just his hyper-sexual nature.

- Which is why he nearly worships the ground you walk on. He finally found an animal that’s able to keep up with high sex drive, who’s also able to handle his rough nature without him being worried he’s going to break them in half.

- Sees larger partners as more sturdy, so he feels like he doesn’t have to hold back with you. Manhandles the absolute hell out of you just because he can. Also, he’s always habitually squeezing your sides/rolls, he’s completely obsessed with how solid you are.

- Always picking you up and carrying you. If you’re in another room but he feels like cuddling, he’ll find you, throw you over his shoulder and bring you to the couch/bed/etc. just to curl up with you. Thinks your weak attempts at saying “Put me down, I’m too heavy.” are HILARIOUS.

- “Do you know how strong I am, baby? This is nothing to me,”

- Riz is still very much aware of how huge his dick is so he wouldn’t ever purposely hurt you but he is an intense lover. Mating Press is his go-to position, followed by regular missionary. He loves when his huge body is covering you and you literally have no other option but to lay there and take his fat cock.

- Also loves any position where he picks you up and fucks your soft body into a wall. Thinks it’s cute when your chubby hands slap his shoulder when your orgasm is approaching. Speaking of chubby hands, he likes to put two of your fingers in his mouth and suck them while he’s pounding into you (it’s a really weird kink of his but it keeps him rock hard during sex so you let it slide.)

Collot:

- Like Legoshi, he didn’t really know about his underlying attraction to plus-sized animals until he met you. He’s always been an ass man, preferring the big, round kinds the would jiggle in the palm of his hands. But when he saw your body, he was completely mesmerized.

- He’s still very much an ass man, and takes any and every opportunity to smack yours then squeezing it. You know that thing guys do when they grab your ass so hard they spread the cheeks a little. Well, Collot is the King of that.

- Also loves to spank you. Not always as a punishment either, sometimes he’ll just come home, see you looking irresistible, and will sit down, patting his thighs. “C’mon, you know the drill.”

- Spanks you and marvels at the way your thick thighs and ass tremble before him. Always rewards you by sinking two long fingers into your plush heat. Doesn’t stop fingerfucking you until you’ve made a mess all over his lap.

- He’s definitely handsy in almost every aspect of your relationship. Pinches your cheeks when he’s teasing you, blows raspberries on your tummy just to get your attention, caresses your thighs when he feeling frisky. He also really likes how pudgy your arms are. Likes to nuzzle his face into the soft flabby part of your upper arms (you know the part). It’s really warm and smells nice because it smells like your scent (perfume/cologne/etc.) and he just can’t get enough of it.

- Has a little bit of an oral fixation when it comes to you. Loves to watch you eat, talk, anything that involves your mouth really. And when you’re not doing anything with it, he’s fighting the urge to stuff your face with his cock and see your pretty lips work their way around that. Seeing your chubby cheeks bulge from taking his girth into your mouth sends him over the edge every time.

- He’s extremely possessive over you. Knows exactly how gorgeous you are and how anyone would leap at a chance with your soft, full figure. The thought of sharing you is enough to have him foaming at the mouth.

- “You’re mine, do you understand? Nobody’s coming between you and me.”

- That’s something he says often, usually after sex when his fingers are trailing up and down your spent form. Despite him saying it softly, you know he means every word.

[brokenmachinemusings]

literally just watching it makes me think they watched link click with a brick wall separating them. like how did they fuck up this badly. im glad u and ur sibling could make some fun of it though we always unite for this muahahaha. i also had super high hopes i’m not sure if i mentioned it on this post (reblogged it like, 2 times with additional commentary i’m not normal about this.) also whoever the new guy was that’s qiao ling’s friend i think should Explode because i haven’t watched that far but it feels like a romance subplot that’s unneeded and makes me want to rip my eyes out.

i’m so honest idek how they fucked up that badly. they tried. but they fucked up. not letting cheng xiaoshi connect to the characters he possesses absolutely fucked everything up i think. he doesn’t have to relate to every aspect of their identity (he doesn’t in the donghua either, eg they didnt completely do it with liu siwen other than amp up the playfulness), but that doesn’t mean you can absolutely scratch that. and they took longer in telling the story of some things, not allowing the audience to think on their own. god the constant overexplaining trying to make us understand when in the donghua they barely understand either. its so unnecessary and ruins it more. i think they underestimate how far sound design carries (basketball game. in the donghua, before cheng xiaoshi/chen xiao enters the game, there’s maybe one shot of them playing, with a passing one as well. other than lu hongbin’s leg being broken but that’s another topic. in the live action? they keep showing and showing and showing and it gets sooo boring and the audience is just being spoonfed.)

the diving is so. ugh. i dont even have words. i’m just saying lu guang wouldnt act like that. like thats dangerous my man. why r u explaining everything about diving upon the first meeting. r u not scared that cheng xiaoshi might change the past for his own motivations (he DID try to take advantage of the powers but it didnt work. still.)

i think generally making the choice that shiguang meet in adulthood fucked it up. like they dont have the years of emotional connection they built up they dont have the experience. its so underwhelming. like the donghua is so much better because we immediately get, oh, theyre good friends about to do a deep dive or something. but? the live action??? zero emotional semblance. made the main character lu guang (i only watched like, 4 eps btw). like they gave more backstory to lg than 3 years of link click did and i am pissed at that because not everything needs to be explained. give it time. live a little

generally the live action sucks by not trusting the audience and making awful decisions to adapt. that’s how i’ll end this for now sorry for making yet another long as fuck rant even though i could probably go on and on if i thought more (-> tired and sick rn). thank u dearly for ur reblog 💙

i am one (1) episode into the live action why does it lowkey suck. compared to nothing else its. okay. but compared to link click its literally taking the concepts and characters not understanding any of them and trying to make something w it. i wouldve been more hyped if this was an au ngl like give us museum au i would eat that shit up. dont try to tell a mediocre story compared to the real deal…

[thestarsanctuary]

i would love some platonic rem hcs,,,, 😳 pls and thank you

You got it mate! This took a LOOONG time because I have some troubles going on rn but working over it!

REM AS YOUR SHINIGAMI HEADCANNONS (Platonic)

Here’s the thing- Rem is not going to tell you about her possessiveness but it will definitely show in other cases. Like let’s say somebody asks you out-

“Rem do you think I should say yes? They can be a little much but their intentions are nice?”

“Do not be a fool, intentions can be easily changed. Do you really need a significant other anyways? You have enough going on.”

“That’s true, that’s true, my bad.”

-

She constantly doesn’t understand some of the phrases you use sometimes an has to ask you because she will literally take it seriously no hesitation.

“I’m gonna jump out this window if I have to keep sitting in this class.” You said quietly. Rem looked honestly...really scared.

“What? Why would you end your life over a school course?”

“.....nevermind.”

-

She definitely likes watching TV with you because it makes her feel more like a human, even if she doesn’t mind being a Shinigami, she feels that you would be more comfortable if she acted like your friends and others do.

“Oh wow she really said yes to his friend request? Didn’t he have a significant other already?”

“I told you this show is drama, not smart.” And your nights usually continue that same way no matter what the show. She’s trying her best ok?

-

Usually she enjoys doing mundane things with you...well trying her best to do so. Like when you dance in your room singing any song any genre she’s going to try and dance. Singing is a no go however. Not at all.

-

One time she actually talked to you about all the past Death Note holders she had been with, and it was a pretty dark conversation but you felt pretty happy that she felt she could entrust you with that.

-

Sometimes she’d get bored and try a hand at being playful, and try and tempt you into using the Death Note.

“So.....you want to try and kill that guy who was talking about you in class from Tuesday?”

“REM STOP”

“Is that a no? I did not hear a no come from your mouth.”

-

You’re not gonna get many expressions y’all I’m sorry let’s be honest a little grin at the most here. But in return she lets you hug her. If you’re lucky she’ll actually ask.

-

There’s never been a dire situation with Rem around. She is very cautious and looks out for you at all times. She also tends to remember everything so if it’s your birthday or you need to go somewhere she’ll know before you can even recall.

-

On rainy days when going outside seems like too much effort you’ll both sit inside and find things to do and one time...she made you an oragami flower I kid you not. You still have that thing today.

-

If you have a pet Rem will observe that thing all day. Doesn’t matter how many times she’s seen it before or in your house she is following it around, poking it, and sometimes she even made noises at it like a child. It was a bit disturbing but you looked past that because she was being very careful and sweet, as if it was a child.

-

All in all Rem is a pretty simple girl, despite being a Shinigami of course she’ll try her best to make sure you are okay and in the best place you can be in all aspects. Get ready for a new best friend y’all.

EL FIN

aaand that’s it this took forever I am so SORRRYYY but here we are, hope you enjoy, thanks!

-SS

[aminiatureworld]

Leaden Dreams

Characters: Albedo, Kazuha, Scaramouche, Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,908

Warnings: Vague depictions of sleep paralysis

Premise: In which the reader experiences sleep paralysis

Author’s Note: First time writing Kazuha! I just finished his story quest today, so I hope that I have an okay grasp on him. Still working on his talking style a bit but I adore his personality.

Also though I experience the part of sleep paralysis where you’re awake but can’t move (can’t recommend the experience) it’s usually during the day so I don’t really experience dreams. As of such if this is inaccurate in any ways I’m very sorry.

Albedo

Albedo knew about sleep paralysis on a theoretically level, knew that it was a phenomenon that caused one’s brain to awaken when the body was still fast asleep. He’d never given the concept much thought, not any more than he might any other bit of science that remained shelved in his mind.

Now that was certainly not the case.

Albedo knew the telltale signs, the small spasms that revealed the battle between your mind and your body. Knowing that you were fighting to move your limbs, open your eyes, relax your jaw, he would always speak first, knowing that you might not immediately respond.

“It’s alright my dear, I’m here. I know it’s frightening, but I promise you’ll be able to move soon. Just focus on one thing, alright? Maybe your eyes this time, since last time you tried moving your tongue. That’s it, just one thing first. It’s always better to start small.”

He wouldn’t move from his sleeping position until you regained control of your body, afraid that a sudden touch might cause you even more distress. Keeping himself carefully pressed into the mattress he didn’t fare lift his head, for fear his face might melt into something frightening. Since he knew he was helpless, his goal became to stop things from getting worse.

The moment you began to move however the alchemist would jump into action. Turning lights on he would pick up the glass of water from his nightstand before gathering you up into his arms, positioning himself so you could listen to his heartbeat as you drank. The first time it had happened he had left the room to get the glass to soon, and the memory of you curled up desperately into the covers still tugged at him.

Albedo would then go through what you had half-dreamed with you, thoroughly debunking all the distortions of your normal life. That shadowed human outside the window was a combination of the balcony and the half opened curtains. The voices were partially his own, partially your brain trying to process your own breathing. The figure hiding behind the door of the hallway was because of the boxed piled along the other side of the wall. The people dancing on the ceiling could be fixed with a repaint. Over and over he would remind you of the fact that you were safe, that your amygdala was simply going into overdrive. Over and over he would thoroughly debunk your nightmares until once more things settled into place, piles of clothing becoming one more fabric, dressers no longer dancing as if possessed.

He would tell you to wake him up if he began falling back to sleep, determined that he should be watching over you to make sure an episode didn’t happen as you were falling back asleep.

In reality though you didn’t mind if he drifted off a little before you. His breathing was a soothing melody, his slow, steady heartbeat a rhythm with which you could anchor yourself. He was staid and sure, and that was something you grasped onto desperately, something you would never stop appreciating.

Soon enough his reasons would soothe your mind, and you’d fall once more asleep.

 Kazuha

The first thing Kazuha always did was pull the blankets over you. If the outside world was threatening you, then he’d simply block it out.

Making a cocoon around the two of you he would begin to tell stories. Fairy tales, things that had happened to him during his travels, anything that you brain might latch onto. The stories were always very short and self-contained, easy to understand, and through your panic addled brain you always seemed to find them.

Sometimes when things were particularly bad he’d softly cradled your hands, careful not to move to quickly or too suddenly in case the sensation caused you to panic even more.

“Our hands fit together so well, don’t you think? I could write a poem about them, or maybe about yours. Maybe you’ll help me with it after this is over? It will be soon dearest, I know it will.”

Sometimes he would sing little songs that he’d picked up. Usually sea shanties, their rhythm helped you, less complex than poetry, more lyrical than the jagged fear that screamed at you.

Kazuha wouldn’t ask you to share immediately. When you finally moved he would first squeeze your hands gently, kissing them before your forehead, asking if it was too hot beneath the blankets, then making sure a light was on if you needed a little fresh air.

He never acknowledged what had happened before you did, but he wouldn’t pretend like it didn’t happen either. Instead he would ask if you wanted to listen to a story or tell one. Whichever you chose he would keep holding your hands, making sure that even when he gave you space there was still something that grounded you.

Sometimes when you cried he would tell a very specific story.

“There once was a warrior, brave of heart. So brave were they that shadows tried to chase them. Someone this noble cannot exist! They cried out. The warrior must be false. We will find their weakness. However no matter how hard they tried this weakness was never found. For the warrior was truly brave in heart and soul.”

Normally you might consider such a story overdone, but in those liminal moments between fear and sleep the story format helped. This was simply a harrowing part of a story, but there would surely be a better end.

 Scaramouche

Scaramouche never thought that he’d ever sleep next to you.

Humans were loud and irritating, and that only became more true when the Harbinger was trying to get a few precious hours of sleep.

However after a particularly bad week he decided that the only solution to your terrible lack of attention was to deal with the matter himself.

He wasn’t necessarily nice about it, grumbling about your poor sleeping habits, saying that this was an awful waste of time. However the moment that panic consumed you, the moment that things started to twist around you, you felt a sudden hand on your arm.

“These idiotic phantoms are nothing. Come on, I know you’re strong enough. How could you ever let something so puny win against you.”

Though you certainly didn’t agree with him about that you had to admit it helped somewhat. Though your initial panic never disappeared, it became easier to climb out of your dreams, to see a light at the end of the endless tunnel of fear.

Every time you jerked once more awake Scaramouche let himself admit some sort of relieved satisfaction.

“You’ve done it again. As you always have. I don’t know why I bother sleeping here when you’re competent enough on your own.”

Nevertheless Scaramouche would always let you embrace him, not commenting on the tears that often accompanied you. Loosely resting his arms on your back he let out exaggerated breaths.

“Will you sleep now?”

It didn’t matter if you said no. Scaramouche would simply mutter something about bad sleep habits, but he would nevertheless stay awake.

He would always fall asleep last, even when his eyes burned slightly and his body called out for rest.

If he was going through all this trouble after all, he might as well see it through to the end.

 Xiao

Xiao saw dreams as extensions of human karma, of human wants and needs and wishes.

If a human dreamt a good wish, it was a revelation of their hearts desire. If they tossed and turned with nightmares it was their fears and shames manifesting. A dream was never just a dream, a shuffle of random events and names and faces. Dreams were alive; dreams had their own wills, all connected to the will of the human they were attached too.

Xiao loathed to see you haunted by your dreams. How could someone so wonderful as your be chased by something so awful? The little that you told your partner caused a distant sort of dread. He could never understand your fear of falling asleep, but he surely felt the dread of whether or not you might be allowed peace.

The threads that surrounded you, that surrounded all humans, always tensed when you were entering an episode. Careful not to leave your side too much Xiao would light a few candles, not too much to be jarring to your eyes, not too little to add to your nightmares. If you could only open your eyes then Xiao would pay even more attention, making sure that the dim lighting didn’t add to your distress, shifting the candles or blowing them out if need be.

Xiao didn’t talk much normally, but he would keep up a steady stream of questions in these moments, even if you couldn’t answer them. Whether you were aware of his presence, whether the window being open was a problem or not, whether you needed more light or less. He would keep these questions in the back of his mind for you to answer once you could again, not only so he could do better next time, but in case the nightmares we too close to be spoken about.

Usually Xiao would ask about them again in the morning, and sometimes you would discuss it then. Though the yaksha knew that nightmares were often the fears that humans accumulated, the curses that attached themselves to unsuspecting victims, he never talked about that aspect with you, indeed when he talked about it at all. Most of the time he would just listen, tracing soft circles along your back and down your arms.

Right after an episode Xiao would make his way over to you. Most of the time he would stay in one place while the episode was happening, near the candles or by the window, making sure he didn’t startle you anymore. Now though he might move every once in a while, or turn your head softly towards him if your eyes became fixated on one spot in the room. Always he’d go to open the window, and the familiarity of the routine became something that lulled you back into a sense of piece.

Not sleeping himself Xiao never told you that you need more rest, that you should go back to sleep. If you needed to stay up the rest of the night so be it, he would be there with you. If you were too tired and found yourself drifting off to sleep he would promise to protect you, to fight off any demons that might be lurking.

Sometimes Xiao feared that his burden of curses exacerbated your sleep paralysis. Those evenings he would wait for you to sleep before slipping away. Always he would leave his sleeve and his mask, making sure that if you woke up you would still have something of his presence to comfort or protect yourself with. Those nights he would stare out into Liyue and think about all the things that he carried with him, all the things that you did too.

Regardless of those nights he would be there in the morning.

“Did you sleep well afterwards?” He would always ask. Regardless of your answer, which he would surely pay attention to after his second question, he would stare into your eyes.

“Do you think things would be easier without my presence?”

Always you said no.

[maxwell-grant]

Might I please ask if you have an opinion of DRACULA? (Either the novel itself or the adaptations); having read both this novel and FRANKENSTEIN, I'm tempted to agree with the reviewer who wrote that one of these is a Classic and the other is actually Fun to read ... (-;

(Art by Cinemamind)

I completely understand the sentiment of "one's a classic and the other's fun to read" and I don't necessarily disagree with it. I don't read Frankenstein for fun, I read it because it's the book closest to me and it's heartbreaking to think about and it's got one of my favorite characters ever in it and it's got a stake in my soul I gotta renew every year. Dracula, however? Dracula is a blast and it boggles the mind as to how every adaptation can be so crushingly lesser in nearly every aspect. My hardcover edition with annotations is one of my most prized possessions.

It's interesting that people tend to talk about Frankenstein and Dracula like Frankenstein was cutting edge sci-fi while Dracula was archaic and folkloric, when it's really the other way around. Frankenstein is the story of an arrogant dipshit rejecting modern science and thinking to unearth outdated knowledge soon blossoming into a vicious cycle of savagery, where as Dracula is the story of an ancient predator adapting and trying to take over current society and fought by a ragtag team of upstanding citizens using modern tactics to stave him off and eventually fight him, desperately struggling to stay ahead of the curve as he wisens to their tactics.

This book was really ahead of it's time in so many ways. I could easily see excerpts of it, particularly the Demeter journals and Renfield's story, taking off as internet creepypastas or found footage horror films. Dracula's a story about a group of characters playing detective as they update their blog entries about the coming of an initially incomprehensible horror taking over their lives. It's a story that could work regardless of Victorian or vampire trappings, and we know this because Blair Witch Project and Marble Hornets are some of the biggest horror successes of the past decades, all of which follow the same general idea, except in Dracula, they don't just discover the true nature of the horror, they also start fighting back and ultimately destroy it.

Dracula's obviously a great villain, that goes without saying. I don't actually tend to take Dracula seriously much of the time because I'm very fond of comedy takes on Dracula and vampires, but that doesn't at all diminish his impact in the original book. He's barely in the novel for much of it which makes his every appearence Count, and the atmosphere as well as the many, many forms he can show up or be suggested at really help solidify what an incredible presence he can be.

He's the strange ruler in a foreign country, he's the kooky old man with weird customs, he's the creepy house owner tormenting a hapless guest, he's a barbarian who lives in nostalgia. He's the wind on your window, a dog on the street, a bat in your windshield, a storm on your ship. He's a predator in every way possible, he's a handsome aristocrat, he's a tragic victim of his own monstrous nature, he's a demon who threatens to consume all mankind, he's the fucker who assaulted your loved one and has to go down hard by machete right now.

Even if we just threw out the 124 years of Dracula's history out, we'd still have enough material in the book not just for a great villain, but dozens of great villains and characters who could take just about any of these traits and run with them. And still, the thing that really, really stuck out to me about Dracula wasn't him, it was the other characters

Art by Kiwi

Dracula's cast is so, so underrated, so unfortunately sidelined as a result of adaptations that only care about The Count and try to give him all the dramatic weight and characterization and sideline all the other characters as merely bit players. Stories that twist Jonathan into a useless fop or an active jerk on the idea that he's the "boring" one, that diminish Renfield's story into just being a hapless and insane goon of Dracula, that make Van Helsing the only character who's even capable of putting up a fight and make him a generic badass, that completely neglect Quincy Morris even though he's great and everyone who discovers him is aghast at discovering "holy shit there's a COWBOY in Dracula?" like yes, there is, and he's incredible and everyone should love him and everyone WOULD love him if only the adaptations remembered he exists.

Adaptations that completely sideline Mina when, and I can't stress this enough, she is the most competent character in the book, one of the greatest pop culture detectives, a wonderful and compassionate and incredibly strong and intelligent character and the main reason why they even managed to win against the Count in the first place, and arguably the closest thing the book even has to a protagonist or hero. I'm not gonna go too into it here but, even putting aside the sheer awfulness of adaptations that try and force a romance between The Count and Mina, seriously fuck off with that, why is it that pretty much every "official" adaptation has had considerably less feminist interpretations of Mina than the source material written in the 1880s? It's a complete travesty (and yes, I'm including LOEG Mina in this, anyone who likes the book and character could have done that concept better)

I enjoy aspects of Dracula adaptations, mostly regarding certain actors's takes on the characters like Bela Lugosi (the only saving grace of that movie, honestly, but rightfully considered the iconic performance), or Peter Cushing as Van Helsing. I very much enjoy the Dracula adaptation Orson Welles did because it at least tried to stay faithful to the book. But regardless of their individual quality, I don't have much to say about Dracula adaptations that try to adapt the book other than "WHY in christ aren't you just sticking to what's in the book? Do you not see how GREAT it is, all the great things about it that are just waiting to be rediscovered and loved by new audiences? STOP WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING WITH MINA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD-"

So yeah I definitely got thoughts on Dracula. Utterly adore the book but thinking about how much of it's greatness has been lost in the adaptations kinda makes me a little angry. Of course, this doesn't extend to adaptations that tell different stories or just put Dracula into existing stories or reinterpret it. I love Nosferatu and Castlevania Dracula and Hellsing Dracula and Billy & Mandy Dracula and Sesame Street Dracula. Dracula's basically become a sub-category of monster in it's own right and there's no such think as too many monsters, or too many Draculas

I'm very glad that Dracula's public domain because it means not only can he just show up anywhere, but it also means that just about anyone can pen their own Dracula stories. Still, it would be nice if the other great characters of Dracula got brought along for the ride on a couple of those.

[sesshy380-rp]

Kat listened closely, quietly laughing while shaking her head towards the end.

“While I have to agree that mortals have become far greedier for material gains and less compassionate to their fellow man, I’m afraid my task isn’t as ‘simple’ as you may think. For starters, Ammit still gets to decide if she finds the soul irredeemable. Also, it’s not about judging one based only on what can be seen on the surface. There are always underlying factors that lead them to their current state…along with small future possibilities that can allow for redemption. That is why I stay hidden and observe from a distance. I take my time before making any decisions. I can’t afford to waste heka making mistakes.”

She thought about what Mariku had said about his past.

“So your original purpose was to be a protector, but in fulfilling your purpose you chose a dark path that led you to how you are now?”

She studied his form for a moment before nodding. “I see. So you are like Sekmet then. Created with a noble purpose in mind, but you temporarily lost yourself to the thrill of the hunt…or rather…you lost yourself to the thrill of toying with your prey.” A dark, knowing grin spread across her face, her eyes narrowing in a coy manner. “Those who imprisoned you for being what you are just didn’t understand. Creatures such as us often get chastised for simply doing what is in our nature.”

Her grin fell as she picked up one of the leaves that had fallen on the surface between them, twirling it slowly as if studying it.

“You and I are alike in that aspect. We exist between realms, yet truly belong to none. We make choices based on our nature, and then get told those choices are wrong. We didn’t create our nature, they did.”

Half the leaf began to dry out and smolder, an orange line slowly making its way from stem to tip. The other half, however, changed color from its vibrant red hue to a bright green.

“To be honest, I am sometimes conflicted with my own nature. Death is easy. I can relate to it better. I’ve known it since I was young. Life…it was never kind to me…yet for some reason I respect the beauty found within it.”

The rest of the leaf withered in flames. Her gaze focused straight across the table, her expression firm but serious.

“I could care less about immediately returning to the Duat, but my heka is tied to it. The blood of mortals will work as a quick fix, but I run the risk of losing myself to the bloodlust. Your mortal ward has been marked by Ammit herself, meaning regardless if I offer his soul to her or not, she will try to find a way to have it. I can help prevent her from getting close, but I can’t do it when I am limited in the amount of heka I possess at any given time. Even if I had a full body of heka on me, it would not be enough for prolonged protection. You, however, are made of soul and Shadow. Your magic is different. It recharges when shrouded in darkness. You, yourself, could do so…though not as effectively as when you are in the Shadow Realm. But I’m certain you already knew that.”

(continued from here)

She glanced over at the table Mariku motioned towards, then back at him for a brief moment, before giving him a slight nod and taking a seat.

“I’m not quite certain what messages you are referring to…unless you are talking about what led to you obtaining your little pet,” Kat stated, indicating towards the shadow serpent that kept peeking its head out on occasion, obviously keeping a close eye on her for its master (or perhaps it was just looking for the opportunity to get revenge for its death, who knew?)

She cast her gaze skyward in thought. “How to explain? I suppose what brought me here in the first place would be best…but you will not like it.”

She brought her gaze down towards Mariku. “I stole from Ammit, and she was…let's just say ‘furious’ is putting it mildly. I have been banished from the Duat until I can either find a single soul that is of the same quality as the one I have taken from her, or a hundred souls that are beyond redemption. I…may have gotten a bit snarky and asked where I would even start looking for said souls,” she said sheepishly. “You are not the only one who isn’t fond of the gods or their ways…and I’ve lived alongside them for thousands of years.”

She fidgeted and averted her gaze. “Please don’t be angry with me when you hear this next part. Ammit suggested I start with the former host of the Millennium Ring. She claims that he has been tainted by its corrupt magic, and therefore cannot be redeemed. Personally, I don’t agree with her. I looked at your ward, and I saw no corruption.”

She lifted her gaze again. “I did, however, see you. I was very confused at first. You bear many Ra-like qualities, but you are surrounded in Shadows…if that makes sense. I left you the slain kin of Apep to express that I am not a threat, but rather an ally, and that I will see to it that your ward will come to no harm so long as I have any say in the matter.”

She sighed heavily, allowing her head and shoulders to fall in a defeated manner. “However, you didn’t accept my gift in the way I had expected. I have spent several millennia in the Duat, and have forgotten that the ways of the Living Realm have changed from my time.”

Her head fell even lower. “Well…the ways may have changed,” she said with a sad, halfhearted laugh. “…but the fact that I still can’t do things right hasn’t…” she added quietly.

((@shoot-of-corruption))

[odetojeons]

ok ok ok but what kinks do you think mingyu has 👀👀

okay so i’m gonna start answering the requests now like i didn’t disapear for one month :’) and omg i’m excited. I already said this before, I think mingyu is more of a sub than anything, but there are times. there are TIMES. when he doms it’s not too kinky, it’s more like carnal and (very fucking) rough sex in which he gets too impatient to be a good boy and grabs you by the hips, takes what he wants and just completely destroys you,, ANYWAYS, you can read more of my thoughts here. Y’all better sit down and buckle up cuz I have A LOT to say about this man (especially with how fucking much I miss him).

Praise Kink — I HAD to start with this one. I think you can all agree with me how much Mingyu loves being praised. There is actually a video of him getting red all over and whining because he got too happy when he was praised by the other members and IT’S JUST SO CUTE. Mingyu would downright meowl every time you told him how much of a good boy he is and how he’s perfect, so pretty just for me. But I also think he would love to praise you too, wants you to know you’re everything he’ll ever need.

Pet names — Idk if this is considered a kink, but please, he gives me such vibes of being into the pet names puppy or pup. We all know he’s considered the puppy of Seventeen, so I think it suits him and his personality a lot, especially because I think he would be so horny and desperate when it comes to sex. Calling him baby boy, angel, sweetheart, he would love it so much. Although he would love to call you by cute names too, and I think his favorites would be princess, prince and my baby.

Degradation — HEAR ME OUT, I absolutely think he would love being degraded. I just,, I can’t even begin to explain how much I think he would enjoy that. Mingyu is just so dirty, he would go all red when you tell him how he’s the filthiest little slut or are you that desperate for me you can’t even stay still? while he humps his cock on the pillow, too needy to wait for your touches. He could even cum just from such kind of words, in all honesty I think this is one of his major kinks ever, not just the verbal aspect of it but also the physical part too. 

Begging — Oh, yes. YES. Mingyu is all about begging. No matter how many times I think about it, I can absolutely hear his throaty and whiny voice saying please, please, please, let me cum, I have been so good, and he sometimes doesn’t even have to have a purpose or an incentive to do it, he just mumbles it without thinking like it’s the only word he remembers. It would come with the fact that he’s too horny for his own good, seriously, y’all don’t understand how much horny energy I feel this man exhuding.

Exhibitionism — We been knew how much he likes being watched. He may be shy about it, but I guess it can be related with his love for compliments. Although Mingyu would not only like people watching him, but also you as well. The way you move your body on top of him as you ride his dick, or the way he would put a hand on your lower back and make you arch impossibly more just so he could drill into you harder; the contrary of how he would cry and beg later when you edge him and tell him how much of a needy slut he is, being this desperate just because people are watching. ALSO ummm,, I try hard not to talk about other members here but, can I just say that I think him and Wonwoo are so much into watch each other fuck people. God, I even wrote like 18K words of porn of this particular thought. You can read it here.

Breeding Kink — Does this even need explanation? Mingyu would feel an almost animalistic need of putting as much cum inside you as he can. This would do as much as make him feral about it, when he has a stressing day or just because he wants to see his seed dripping out of your hole; no matter what compells him, it would get him aroused to the point where he wouldn’t even be able to wait until both of you get to the room, would rip and thorn both of your clothes off, put you on your knees and make you suck him off until he cums all over your face, just so he could fuck you against the wall afterwards. Which brings me to the next kink:

Strength/Size Kink — Well, is it possible to have a strength and size kink with yourself? Because he does. Mingyu would love to manhandle you around the place, fuck you against every surface of the house, especially if he gets to hold you up as your back is pressed somewhere. Not only that, but I also think it would be due to the movement of his hips. Or better yet; what comes after it. The way your ass and the back of your thighs would get red with how hard he’s thrusting into you, won’t be satisfied until you’re drooling because of his cock and simping for his muscles, bulging over the effort of fucking you. And I just know, I KNOW he would have a dirty mouth about it, would make questions like yeah? You like how strong I am? All this time on the gym gotta pay for something or falling appart on my big cock like you were made to, hm?. Fuck why am I like this. I LITERALLY BRING PAIN TO MYSELF.

Bondage — I think I’m writing too much so I hope y’all keep up with my horny ass, because I can’t stop until I say everything I want to say about him,, so, about this, Mingyu would love to tie someone up as much as he would love to be tied up... Okay, maybe I think he would love to be tied up more than tying someone up, if I’m being completely honest. He just gives this kind of vibes, maybe even as punishment for misbehaving, since he would sometimes be too desperate to wait like a good boy, and he knows you end up letting him take what he wants just because you would tie him up later and make him “regret” (the little shit would never regret anything, and neither would you).

Overstimulation/Edging — Oh, fucking definitely. I have this very vivid image of Mingyu sitting on a chair, hands tied up behind the chair back, legs spread and completely falling appart as you jerk him off. Flick your wrist faster and faster, just to get him on the edge and let go when he’s just there. Then, make that again and again and again, until he’s crying and begging for you to let him cum, and when you finally do, you only keep going, grip unforgiving. Watching his labbored breath of relief turn into little meowls, hips jerking away or closer, none of you are quite sure, but he wants it, saying don’t stop more like a moan than actual intelligible word.

Pegging/Anal Sex — Mingyu would be so shy about it at first. He would come to you, mumbling words you struggle to understand and cheeks burning red, until he manages to get out he wants you to fuck him. But oh lord, when he tries it out he would go absolutely insane. I really think he would be into it, into you rocking your hips and nudging your cock (plastic or not) against his prostate. Just imagine him with a dark blush all the way down to his chest, little whines and meowls that sounds too high and sweet for his own ears, body writhin all over the bed and fists clenching the mattress as his back arches. So damn cute and hot at the same time :( he just wants to be taken care of sometimes, being able to just lay down and have someone fucking him to oblivion.

Power Play — More like fighting for power to be honest. He really enjoys subbing, but when he does it he wants you to put him on his place, because Mingyu is irrevocably and completely a brat. He would tease you to the point where it drives you insane, just so you could snap at him and take what you want, as much as he loves when you do the same to him.

Spanking — Hmmm Mingyu and spanking. And he would do it hard. Full on open fingers going down on your ass until he leaves his handprint. To be honest, I totally think he’s the kind of boyfriend who would be possessive, wants his marks all over you neck and body, however, oh however, I also think he really really reeeeeally love when you do it to him. Everything, from the crescent shaped marks on his back, to the bite on his shoulder you accidentaly gave him when he was fucking you on missionary position, to the mark of your fingers on his cheek when you slap him for being a brat. Okay I kind of lost myself in the kink but yes. Mingyu and spanking.

Double Penetration — HOLY SHIT please tell me you agree with me. Like, fuck, there’s this evil side of him who wants to see you being speared open in more than one cock, wants to see you fucked into another dimension and reduced to an incoherent drooling mess, and it’s just so dirty of him, usually possessive and guarded, to let someone else get their hands on you just so he could watch you fall apart with two cocks. Or even him alone with a dildo, what it matters is to have two things inside you absolutely wrecking you. Or him. Oh shit why did I have to say that cuz now the image of him being double penetrated won’t ever leave my mind IT IS BURNED BEHIND MY EYELIDS FOREVER. Bye.

Choking — You damn right I think about his hands on my neck all the time. They look so big, and I’m sure it’s also something of his size kink, seeing his huge hands wrapped around your throat would make something ugly, something hot burn in the pit of his stomach. You doing it to him too, especially when he’s tied up, only being able to take what you’re willing to give him.

and that’s that! sorry (?) for writting too much, this always happens when I stay too much time without writting any filth,,, last time that happened, I speant two years without any smut so then I wrote 18K words of porn in two days (no, I didn’t sleep) AND I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WRITTING HALF OF IT??? and the time before that, I simply wrote 12K words. what is wrong with me. anyways!! hope you liked it, tell me what you think and your opinions too!!