#There goes part of my heart

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The girls are back (from the grave)

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[stil-lindigo]

the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

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[misternibbs]

i'll see you on the moon

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AAAA

art trade with @bluestarlett !!! fbfjfjjfjd seraph is SO PRETTY I AM SO HAPPY I ACTUALLY GOT TO DRAW HIM :D !!!!!! DHDNFJFJF this is . rendering wise it's kinda ass but yeah I drew him !! thanks for drawing my guy again this was really fun to do :3333

lineart :3

[glitchinginthegarden]

I'm not gonna lie, it kinda breaks my heart a little bit to see folks getting into Cyberpunk and being worried that their V isn't [blank] enough. Keep seeing folks make posts asking for people to tell them if their V is too "boring" or "average" or "ugly" or what have you.

Stop.

I'm begging. Make the character for YOU. That's YOUR character, not social media's.

Do you like their design? Yes? That's all that matters. Fuck the rest.

Once you start making characters to fit into some undefined list of requirements for a "good" OC, you stop making them for your heart. And I don't know about ya'll, but if my heart doesn't go into making the character, they usually don't stick around that long.

I'm so serious. Stop caring what the general online public thinks of your characters, your creations. You will be a lot happier.

*EDIT since this is breaching containment: this is absolutely something I feel strongly about across the board/universally, not just in this particular fandom. I've seen it everywhere, even in fandomless spaces, and every time it makes me sad.

[joongdunking]

JOONG GETTING BABIED BY DUNK!!! 🥹🥹💛💛 That's Dunk baby right there! 🥹🤏

[celestialowlryxs]

The truth is everything. But before you give it to another, ask yourself, are you giving them clarity, light, and purpose? Or are you shifting a burden to someone who needs all their strength? - part 2 (part 1)

[foolsocracy]

never write a directionless fic. cause why is pete having a breakdown over the shop that gave him cheap ass egg foo young closing . How’d we get here

[hurlumerlu]

i feel like i’m missing something about the ashtray that you’re seeing, so i must ask, what do you find so fascinating about it?

Well this is probably going to end up being a bit embarassing for me, but no, I don't think you're missing anything about the ashtray. I think it's meant to add just a touch of unease and not much else.

The reason I'm so obsessed with it - my neuroses aside - is because of how gratuitous it feels.

As a transition shot (which I'm using to mean "first shot we get to signify we cut from one scene to another", my apologies if it's not the right technical term) it's kind of a jarring one: a simple, abrupt cut from a relatively colorful shot of Kant in his home to this close up of an object in predominently dark and sepia tones. It's also not the most informative one.

All the clues as to where we are (the computer, the notebook, the chair, the lamp) are background things, out of focus. The one thing that is in focus is something that's never really been brought to our attention: yes, the captain is the only character we've seen smoking so far, and yes, the ashtray is technically present in his office when we're introduced to him, but I had to look for it to find it and would have never noticed it otherwise:

So we've got all those rather discreet, almost subliminal informations about our location, and smack in the middle of it the figure of a naked woman tits up, laying under one of tv's most beloved phallic symbols, and it's just... why? Why put that shot in? What's the point? They very well could have just put a shot of the office through one of its doors, they even did it in the cut version.

(informative, very easy to read, but does not set any particular tone)

But they didn't want to, so it has to be purposeful. My thoughts on its purpose below. It turns into me trying to analyse the captain and Kant's relationship, so it gets kinda long, and just as a heads-up, I discuss sexual coercion down the line.

So, like I said in the begining of my post, I think it's meant to add just a touch of unease and not much else. I stand by it, but I am very interested in that unease. Frankly, even if it was the most tasteful sculpture of a bare lady I had ever seen, I would still question its presence in Christ's office (where he works as a police captain.) But it's pretty far from tasteful, isn't it? Regardless of aesthetic considerations (I think it's fugly), it's an ashtray. The captain stubs his cigarettes and drops their ashes on the figure of an arched, naked body. There's inarguarbly an element of sleaze to that choice of prop, or as my wife would put it "yeah, it's here to tell us that cap's kind of a creep."

And it's not the first time the subtext got sleazy around these two either. They had one of their talk in a bathhouse (probably a universal spot for gay hookups, but certifiably a thai spot for gay hookups) in a steam room (even if there wasn't a long history or eroticising those places, Style almost jerked off/blew Fadel in one last episode). Of course, it's also an hommage to spy stories, spies sure love their saunas, but I don't believe it's only that. Because 1/again, that FadelStyle scene one episode prior. 2/I will not do JoJo Tichakorn Phukhaotong the insult of implying he does not know his gay porn and 3/

they didn't have to touch. They could have exchanged informations and gone their separate ways without touching even once. If they had to touch it could have been a hand on the shoulder or a handshake. (That's what I thought would happen! When we got a glimpse of that scene in the trailer, and I wrote my very first fic for this fandom, I genuinely thought the scene would only be an hommage to spy stories, and that all the potential sleaziness I was seeing there was just, well, me being me. I wrote the fic because I thought the show wouldn't go there!) But instead we got the captain following Kant to a bathhouse, the both of them meeting in a sweat room (something made explicitely sexual in the previous episode), Christ telling Kant he has to "up his game" and to not "tell anyone about this" and then slapping his thigh in a manner very reminiscent of another thigh grab we saw in episode 2, this one definitely sensual.

I'm calling that subtext, and I'd say whoever did the cut for the tv version agreed with me, since they completely removed that damn ashtray. Now, it could simply be a matter of female-presenting-nipples, but I'm willing to bet the thigh grab was also cut (if I'm wrong, feel free to point and laugh). EDIT: @deliriousblue checked, and I was in fact wrong! They kept the thigh slap. I don't think it detracts from my point too much, though, as it doesn't negate anything I said before about sexual subtext/coding. (but If anything, it makes the switch from ashtray close-up to wide office shot stands out even more)

So there's something sexual lurking in the outskirt of Kant & Christ's relationship. It's implied, it's light, but it's there.

I think part of the purpose is just a little playful nod to porn clichés, but I would argue that there's a bit more to it, because Kant and the captain's relationship actually has a very clear sexual component.

Not in that I think they fucked (in canon. i don't think they fucked in canon. i do think it should be explored in fics.), but the plain fact is that Christ is whoring Kant out. It probably didn't start that way, the begining of their partnership was probably more "you have names and contacts and I want them" but how could it stay like that? Once Kant gave all the name he already had, once the captain started to assign him to cases he had no previous contacts with, no point of entry, do we really believe Kant wasn't expected to exploit a sexual angle? I think the people who say Kant didn't have to make Bison fall for him are kidding themselves, and not only because there would be no story if he hadn't. Our societies are far less suspicious of the idea of a stranger suddenly getting close to you because they're hoping for sex than it is of a total stranger getting close to you with hopes of friendship. That's just how it is! You make friends in the circles you already run in, and with the general understanding that real intimacy will be slowly built overtime. Meanwhile a random hookup can have access to your bedroom the very night they met you. There's just no contest: for the kind of missions Kant seems to be sent on, with absolutely no backup or cover story or anything, seduction is pretty much the only trick up his sleeve, especially if the captain presses him for fast results like he did in the show. (not to mention that, on an almost "meta" aspect, the captain chose a young man who's Thai BLs level of conventionally attractive to do his dirty work) The captain may not have said "I need you to have sex with dangerous people", if only to have a layer of legal plausible denial, but he certainly expected it, and even if - a big if - Kant got the idea himself for expediency the first time, Christ kept placing him in situations where he would have to do that again. The captain's a pimp, the currency is intel, and the show said "you don't have to face it if you don't want to, that might be a bit much for a romcom, but we are not shying away from it." Or at least that's where my reading currently lands.

And I do think it's interesting that the two times we were reminded of this aspect of sexual coercion, it was followed first by the KantBison mutual dubcon of episode 3, and second by the captain actually bothering to look physically threatening to Kant for the very first time. Because as you pointed out in the tag under this post, the show plays super interestingly on First Kanaphan's actual height and how often Kant is dwarfed by others, but the captain almost never bothers to use his own considerable height. He sits. He lounges. When he gets up it's never into Kant's space. He can turn his back on him without fear. He doesn't threaten, he reminds. Until Kant himself threatens not just to quit but to bite back and suddenly the confrontation is physical, even though they're not touching. A reminder not just of the consequences, but of their respective place. Then it passes, and here's the nonchalance again: Christ goes back to his ashtray.

And if I may abandon sincere media analysis for just a second and be a little cheeky? Here's a picture of the captain in his sofa, knee slightly parted, Kant coming toward him. And the cigarette I called one of tv's most beloved phallic symbols?

yeah, it's pointing up.

[5a-alf]

I fear Kevin Day is the type of person whose struggle always came second. He funcioned enough that while everyone knew he wasn't alright, it was also nobody's problem, as someone else was actively having a harder time and they took precedence. He internalises all his problems and keeps going and going but he is fueled by alchool and sheer desperation a 100% of the time. If he were to stop for even a second he wouldn't know how to start again.

Did he ever, at somepoint in his life -away from the ex foxes, a pro player, married to Thea- wish he had it worse, just so that maybe it would have been his turn being saved? Being first? How badly would he feel, just one second after thinking it, because he knows damn well he has enough trauma to fill a stadium and he isn't actually jealous of his friends that had it worse, he isn't . That's a fucked up thing to think, stop it, stop it.

Would he still drink himself into a stupor to shoote the ache, to banish the thought? That's the help he got, when he was at his worst, a drink, and then two, and then a thousand. And it worked, it made him go, it picked him up when he was down, and now he can't get down without crashing.

Did he wish to be saved? Did he hope somebody, anybody, took the time and put in the effort to help him, just because they saw him down, not because he begged, but because they noticed he could use a hand. Or two, actually. Was it torment, to always be under the spotlight, yet never been seen? Did he run toward fame hoping the more eyes on him meant it would be easier to be noticed?

[kingofsalmonids]

Check in on your Jewish friends today please.

[daddy-ul]

The biggest Metallica fan there is.

[quirkle2]

boy he's rly mobbin all over the place

[lindseymcdonaldseyelashes]

Leverage 4x9- "The Cross My Heart Job"

[shizuncollector]

Still not over this by the way

[frankensteined]

zara had no business having THIS sexy of a character intro only to be taken for a ride by illario dellamorte, of all people

[menlove]

some of the gayest things i did w my girl besties as a kid that haunt me daily even though i'm almost 25

laying on the hot cement of the playground watching the clouds, talking about which boys we'd date in class, and i look over at her and notice how the sun is turning her black hair slightly red in the sun and sigh and say "i wish i were a boy, 'cause then i'd date you"

made a new best friend a little after her who was a year younger than me and i wanted to live inside her skin, a little bit, and went over to her house constantly. i drew her silly art, those weird emo blobs from the mid aughts, and she hung it up on her door. we joked about being married a lot. when i had to move away across the country, one night i was staring up at the moon while listening to a love song and started sobbing wondering if she was also looking at the moon. i never texted her again.

when i was 12 i fell in love with a girl for the first time i knew about. i had just gotten over being weirded out by gay people & when the kids in class started whispering about us being dykes, my teacher called home about it. i cried my eyes out in a red pickup truck with my mom as i told her i was in love with her, but it was fine because she was straight. i was drinking a red slushie.

once with that same girl, we went on a field trip to a nearby science museum. it was within walking distance and she held my hand the whole way, even though we were too old for it. at some point i started swinging her hand and knocking into her and laughing and eventually she just picked me up, put me on her back, and carried me the rest of the way while we laughed. at the museum, she kept finding me and holding my hand again. i went home that night, so giddy, and just kept thinking about her hand in mine and didn't even care about what the rest of the kids were whispering

in february, before that, she'd asked me which girl i had a crush on in class because i'd posted about it on tumblr. it took me a half hour to finally tell her it was her, blushing to my ears as we walked around the perimeter of the playground (we were at a small private school with less than 100 students, so even the middle schoolers got to use the playground), refusing to look at her. she told me she didn't feel like that, but i was still her best friend and she wasn't mad at me or weirded out. if one of us were boys, she said, maybe it would've worked out. her mom moved her back to california at the end of the school year. i never saw her again and she wasn't allowed to talk to me. she messaged me once, years later on here, to tell me i was pretty in a prom dress i'd tried on. she blocked me later.

i wrote down a story about her, a year later, for 8th grade english class. in it, i imagined that she'd never left, and that she'd kissed me while we laid in the grass, mixing up my stories and my life. my teacher looked at me with such a soft sadness and told me it was very beautifully written. she wanted me to submit it to a contest. it won.