#Them both holding to past events and perceptions.

[another-clive-blog]

I am thinking SO HARD about these two's dynamic (I was supposed to have a second piece with them harassing Dimitri but I'll spare him for now)

[sanjisleggy]

the warlord and his bodyguard (crocodile x reader)

req: Could you do a Mihawk or Crocodile x Marine reader. Like it's her job to watch them on missions or be in contact with the Warlords. And whoever you pick fell hard for the Marine but knows he shouldn't. Maybe he flirts with her and she tries to remain professional because she could get fired or way worse. But the man is determined

a/n: aaaa!! this was one of my earliest requests but i held off on writing it since i wasn’t sure if i wanted to write for Mihawk or Crocodile :’) luckily since then i’ve got to meet Crocodile again in the impel down arc so i feel a bit more comfortable trying to write for him :D i tweaked the plot a little to fit the ideas i had so i hope the requester doesn’t mind!

contents: reader is a not a good marine (lol), Crocodile is kinda down bad, pining, reader has devil fruit powers, a somewhat graphic depiction of violence, near-death experience (not violent), some fluff, very little angst

wc. 2.3k

wanna be on my taglist?

i. 

“tell me,” the imposing figure says, his voice so deep you swear the ground beneath your feet trembles ever so slightly. “did the World Government send you to mock me?”

Crocodile taps his hook against the surface of his mahogany desk, his heavy-lidded eyes peering sharply at you as he awaits your response. though he may be one of the Seven Warlords, you find it difficult to feel threatened by him, having faced and escaped more dire situations in your past as a cadet. besides, it’s rather rare for your potential cause of death to be so visually appealing.

“i should say no but both of us know that isn’t truly the case.” your response seems to have caught him off guard, his eyes widening ever so slightly. to your surprise, Crocodile follows it up with a smirk, all the while keeping his lit cigar held firmly in between his teeth.

“so what is the reason you’re supposed to tell me?”

as though reciting a script, you share how out of the goodness of the World Government’s hearts, they’ve decided to begin a new initiative to improve relations between the Warlords and the Marines. “thus, every Warlord will be provided with a bodyguard.” you’re unable to hold back the contempt in your tone and Crocodile picks up on it instantly.

“think you’re too good for the job, officer?” he replies in a disinterested manner.

“no, the job’s fine,” you admit, seeing no reason to be dishonest, “i just think they could’ve at least tried to come up with a better lie. i am glad i was assigned to you, though, and not Gecko Moria or Donquixote.” you can’t help but scoff.

the Warlord’s laugh catches you off guard. the fact that the sound alone causes a stirring in your chest alarms you even more.

what an interesting woman you are.

“so what will it take to keep your mouth shut?” Crocodile gets straight to the point, already fully aware of how your daily duties include a report back to headquarters on his activity. in all honesty, he’d meant it partially as a joke or, perhaps, a final attempt at sending you a message: you’re no threat to me.

“i don’t know,” you reply, taking a few steps to get closer to his desk before you lean forward slightly to level your eyes with his, “what’re you willing to offer?”

the Warlord can’t tell if you’re joking–and he’s not sure how he feels about that.

ii.

two months go by and business at Rain Dinners has been the same as always.

contrary to Crocodile’s expectations, your sudden arrival hasn’t impeded his progress on the casino and Baroque Works. his initial concerns over an influx in Marine officers storming Rain Dinners or a Vice Admiral showing up to tear down his secret organisation quickly go unfounded when it dawns on him that you’re truly not interested in taking him down.

if anything, he’s been enjoying your company. you’re an intelligent person whom he’s surprisingly able to have pleasant conversations with. you seem to have a keen sense of perception, knowing when to simply watch events unfold and when to interfere–though the latter instances have been rare considering his status in Alabasta deters trouble-making in his place of business. 

after the first few weeks of having you trail behind him everywhere he goes, Crocodile finds himself getting used to being in your company. today, however, marks the first time the Warlord feels a need for something more.

though the Warlord is surrounded by beautiful women all vying for a crumb of his attention–a common occurrence when he makes his occasional appearance at his own casino’s bar–he can’t help but wonder what it would feel like if you’re the one sitting beside him instead. not the kind of man to let his imagination run wild, however, he quickly reminds himself that you’re standing a distance away behind him as you always do.

before Crocodile can fully return to enjoying his evening in the presence of the women around him, though, he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as a familiar sense of danger snaps his attention to the lady on his right side. within the span of a second, he readies himself to activate his devil fruit powers but before he can even fully register what she’s trying to pull, you make your move.

recognising the stained needle held in between the woman’s fingers as being composed of sea prism stone, your body reacts on its own volition.

“shave.” 

to nearby onlookers, a blurry figure shoots its way across the room before you reemerge right behind the wannabe-assassin. without any warning, you place your right palm against the back of her head.

“twist.”

with a sickening crunch that reverberates throughout the once bustling casino, the woman’s body from her neck downward begins to turn a full 360 degrees whilst her head remains completely still in the palm of your hand. as her corpse flops to the ground, you hear the combined sounds of onlookers retching and gasping–but no running. the only one seemingly completely unbothered by the cold blooded murder is the assassination target himself.

“i could’ve handled it myself,” Crocodile sighs, puffing a cloud of smoke from his cigar, “though admittedly i am impressed by your efficiency.”

“were you aware the needle was made of sea prism stone?” your question catches him off guard; and he’s only further surprised when you bend down to pick it up from the floor with your bare hand.

“poisoned? i figured,” he admits, “but made of the stone? truth be told i was not aware.” the Warlord’s eyes travel slowly from the tiny needle held in between your fingers up to your face. as expected, you’re affected by the sea prism stone–he can tell from the droopiness of your eyelids and the way you furrow your eyebrows. “i could kill you right now,” Crocodile adds, unable to help his curiosity in what your response might be to such a suggestion.

“feel free,” you reply, a tired smile appearing on your tired face.

“don’t be ridiculous.” he shoots a glance at a random employee and gestures to the corpse. once it’s been taken away, he nods at the now-available seat. “take a seat, drink with me… and throw the needle away.”

iii.

three weeks later, you come storming into Crocodile’s office unannounced. normally he doesn’t tolerate such behaviour–the guest he’d been hosting even flinches outwardly, as though steeling himself to witness your impending death–but once the Warlord’s eyes lay on you, all anger flies out the window.

“why’d you do it?” you ask, clutching a crumpled letter in your hand as you make your way to his desk. with a wave of his hand, he dismisses his guest and remains silent and still until the two of you are left alone in the large room.

now that he’d had some time to take a closer look at you, the expression on your face screams less anger and more confusion–contrary to the way you’d nearly kicked down his door to get in. eyes flickering to the letter in your hand, the familiar material of the paper reminds him of a particular event that happened just a week ago.

“something troubling you, Miss Bodyguard?” the Warlord asked while in the midst of handling a mountain of paperwork.

“my village is in danger,” you’d replied without hesitation, not seeing any need to hide the truth from him–it was a trait he very much appreciated in you. “we used to always get harassed by pirates but lately it’s gotten worse and the berry i send home isn’t enough to keep them away anymore.”

a part of him expected you to drop a subtle plea for help but you never did. once you’d answered his question, you went back to being silent, eyes trained on the crumpled piece of paper held in your trembling hands.

“what’s the name of your village? and on what island?”

“remind me what you’re accusing me of?” Crocodile replies in his usual monotonous tone.

“you sent people to my village,” you say almost breathlessly, unable to help the tears welling up in your eyes as your heart pounds within the confines of your chest. “you’ve been protecting them, haven’t you?”

“yes.” 

“why?”

i hated seeing you worry.

“you wouldn’t be a very efficient bodyguard if you’re constantly thinking about your home, would you?”

for a long while, you simply stare at him in silence, your widened eyes glued to his deep-set ones. your gaze is so intense it’s almost as though you’re trying to peer straight into his soul; for a split second, the Warlord wonders if you’ve perhaps passed out while standing up with your eyes open.

“thank you,” you say softly with a smile on your face–the mere sight of which sends what the Warlord thought had been dead and cold in his chest into overdrive. for the first time in years, his heart races not from anger or adrenaline but from something else he’d long forgotten the feeling of.

iv.

four days pass by and Crocodile once again feels a strange sensation in his chest but this time it’s from worry.

within the course of an evening, you’d gone from perfectly healthy to deathly ill. first you’d collapsed after dinner–nearly hitting your head on the cold tiled floor had he not been fast enough to catch you–before a dangerously high fever started to set in. without hesitation, as he carried you to your quarters, the Warlord demanded for the best of Alabasta’s doctors and nurses to make their way over immediately.

now as the moon hangs high in the desert sky, its light shining through your windows just enough to illuminate your room barely, you find yourself accompanied by the Warlord himself. sitting quietly in a chair set beside your bed, you watch him as he reads a folder full of documents, using only the moonlight casting in as his source of light.

you feel terribly hot and extremely cold at the same time as you lay under the weight of your comforter, a wet towel resting on your forehead. your throat feels dry no matter how much water you drink so you’ve long since stopped asking for more–now only drinking when he periodically offers a glass to you.

in your fevered haze, you faintly recall some instances after you’d collapsed: the feeling of strong arms carrying you away, holding you close to a warm chest; the anger in a familiar voice it barked orders at others; the feeling of a large hand caressing your cheek as you laid barely awake.

“she will be okay, thankfully we made it in time to pump all the poison out of her system,” the leading doctor shared with Crocodile outside your bedroom door after a grueling few hours of medical care.

“poison?” the Warlord furrowed his eyebrows.

“yes, Sir Crocodile, we found a large trace of various poisonous substances in her stomach. frankly, she’s lucky to be alive.”

“is my face really that amusing to stare at?” he asks in a tone that lacks any bite as he directs his attention to you.

“you are quite handsome,” you admit with a weak smile. he feels his face warm up and hopes it at least doesn’t show on his skin. “you frown too much, though.”

“oh, really?”

“yeah. especially tonight.” you slowly take in a deep breath only to start coughing uncontrollably when the air gets lodged in your throat. Crocodile responds quickly but without haste, handing you a fresh glass of water as you sit yourself up. you drink it all before continuing to speak. “you’ve been frowning in a sort of angry way ever since the doctors left… what’s wrong?”

the Warlord takes a moment to look at you. there’s a thin sheen of sweat covering your skin and the bags under your eyes look the darkest they’ve ever been since he met you, frankly you look terrible but at least you’re alive. as much as he wants to pretend he doesn’t know why your survival makes him feel so relieved, he’s too smart to be fooled even by himself.

“you nearly died from an assassination attempt.” Crocodile hands you the folder he’d been pouring over while you rested. “i sent my best agents to investigate after the doctors told me you’d been poisoned.”

although your eyes burn with exhaustion, you managed to scan through all the documents with ease. you feel your already-weakened heart twist in a bizarre mixture of sadness, indignation and resignation as you learned the truth of your near-death experience.

“the World Government must’ve thought i was quite the threat to send Cipher Pol 8 after me, huh?” you say, laughing half-heartedly as you hand the folder back to Crocodile. “i guess i must’ve defected without realising.” you speak with an air of nonchalance that piques the man’s interest.

“knowing the World Government, you’ll probably have a bounty on your head once they realise you lived.” 

“i know,” you sigh, “the smart thing to do would be to leave Alabasta once i’m all better, don’t you think? i will miss keeping an eye on you, though.” the way you’re looking at him as you wait for his response is strangely playful and he feels the initial pang of disappointment morph instead into a tiny bit of hope. 

“join me,” Crocodile says exactly what he knows you want to hear. “i happen to have grown quite fond of being watched by you.” you smile widely and it sends his heart into a fit.

“join Baroque Works?”

“no.” he reaches out to grab your clammy hand, engulfing it with his much larger one; with an uncharacteristic gentleness, the Warlord brings it up to his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. “not Baroque Works, join me. stay by my side.”

“i’d like nothing more.”

—

taglist: @irethepotato @i-reblog-fics-i-like @grierpilots @appalost

[casuallyawkardd]

Dating Miguel O'Hara NSFW

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader

Summary: Same thing as my other 'Dating Miguel O'Hara', this time for the grown ups

Warnings: NSFW MINORS DNI! Sex, rough sex, oral sex, praising/degradation, breeding kink, consensual somnophilia, maybe angst if you squint, not fluent in spanish so correct me if I'm wrong on grammar/translations

A/N: I didn't use the same taglist as my past fics cuz idk how many of you are comfortable with this kinda stuff so please fill out my new TAGLIST if mature content is your thang 💅

First Time

Miguel would hold off until you're ready, honestly he's so busy he forgets how high his sex drive is and can get easily distracted. It's a week or so after you two became official and he can pick up on the signs. You're wearing something a little more revealing for date night, something to show off his favorite parts of you. Specifically your ass and thighs. Being a bit more touchy with a hand on his arm or leaning in close when he's talking.

He can even smell it on you, the faint scent of your pheromones making his head fuzzy. Hear how your heart beats a little faster when you invite him up to your place. The man has heightened senses, making him more perceptible to how your body reacts to him.

The first time he restrains himself a lot. Miguel is very much aware of what he's capable of, the last thing he wants to do is hurt you. On top of that, he's a big guy. A big guy who's...proportional. In every aspect. It's a canon event. He's a lot to accommodate and he knows it, so he takes his time.

Preps you well for him. Fingers pressing past your lips, letting you suckle the digits until they're slick with saliva, only to then spread you open with two fingers. Three when he realizes you're tighter than he had expected. It gives him the chance to figure out what makes you tick. What places his fingers have to graze that make your hips buck against his palm. Where to curl them to make you moan louder and arch your back so your chest is flush with his. How fast he has to move them to drive you over the edge.

However, no amount of fingering can prepare you for what's to come. It's a stretch regardless, a dull burn as he bottoms out. The first time hurts, but at the same time you feel so full. It's a deliciously addictive sensation, the pain and pleasure mixing together. Miguel trails kisses along your neck and shoulder, praising you as you adjust.

"Mierda, you're so tight for me."

"Take me so well, cariño"

You learn very quickly how vocal this man is, a stark contrast to his usual quiet and brooding attitude. Moaning and grunting shamelessly when he begins to move. He reminds himself to hold back, but that doesn't stop him from thrusting deeply into you. Falling into a steady rhythm as he ruts his hips against yours. You're trapped under him, his forearms and sheer mass caging you in. Miguel can feel his control slipping and he fights it every step of the way.

The teeth nipping and marking your neck and shoulders moving to bite into the flesh of his wrists when his fangs come out. Gripping your sheets and pillows so he doesn't accidentally cut the skin of your hips with his claws. He wants to though. He so desperately wants to grab you so he can fuck you even harder, move you to his liking. Miguel notes that he'll have to get you new bedding, like the kind at his place, after ripping up your pillows and sheets.

He makes sure to treat you well so you come back for more, picking up on every request and plea until you reach your climax. As you flutter around his cock, you get a taste of just how rough he can be. Miguel adjusts his thighs to be under yours, lifting and angling your hips so he can reach deeper, if that's possible. The last few thrusts fast and creating the most obscene sounds of skin slapping against skin.

When he's spent, he moans right in your fucking ear to let you know. His head moves to rest on your chest as you both catch your breath, you combing your fingers through his hair and placing rewarding kisses on the dark curls. Your breath catches in your throat when he lifts his eyes to you, the red of them glowing in the low light.

"No crees que hemos terminado, ¿verdad?" You don't think we're done, do you?

Early On

It takes some time to convince him that he's not going to kill you while you two are having sex. While he thinks he'll cause irreparable damage, both mentally and physically, if he loses control, you on the other hand trust him unconditionally. He's a good guy, a superhero for crying out loud, you don't see any reason to doubt him until he gives you a reason to.

It starts with little things to boost his confidence. Hands on your hips when you ride him, letting him pull you down on his cock when you move at a teasingly slow pace. A hand tangled in your hair while he fucks your throat, encouraging you to take him deeper with every thrust harder than the last.

It all pays off one night after the two of you get into a fight. In hindsight, it was over something stupid. Some asshole had made some inappropriate comments about you and that riled him up. You, on the other hand, could care less. He was just some dumbass who was mad you turned him down. Who then became even more bitter when Miguel showed up and he saw who he was 'competing' with.

Maybe it was because you didn't care, or because Miguel was still riled up from the interaction, either way he had to take out his frustration somehow. You don't know how you ended up bent over the back of the couch, Miguel plowing into you with no remorse, but you loved it. Rough sex was never something you thought you'd be interested in, but having his claws tear your clothes from your body and his sharp fangs graze suggestively along your jugular makes you excited. Makes you want more.

"You're such a fucking brat, mi amor"

"Remember who makes you feel this good next time some cabrón decides to eye fuck you."

Once he's finished 'teaching you a lesson', his words not yours, he treats you the usual aftercare. Cleaning you with a warm washcloth, preparing a bath if you ask him to, combing his fingers through your hair and praising you for being so good. It's when you're going to bed you realize that he finally let loose. And like you said, he didn't kill you. Just left you with some bruising and maybe a few nicks from when he tore your clothes off.

You make a mental note to reward him with breakfast and some morning head tomorrow.

Favorite Things

In terms of what Miguel enjoys doing with you during your-ahem- alone time, where to even begin.

In terms of kinks, it's a given that he has a breeding kink. Even if you are unable to actually have kids, he still just loves cumming inside you. To the point that when he finally pulls out his cum leaks down your thigh and he has to push it back in with his fingers. If you can get pregnant, he gets off on the idea of you carrying his child. Belly swollen with his baby inside of you. Pride flaring up in his chest at the mere thought of it.

Somnophilia is an unexpected turn on for him. It makes sense, after having multiple nights where you expect him to be home, only for him to arrive after you'd gone to sleep, sexual frustration was bound to happen. You'd talk about it beforehand, making sure it's all consensual. He'd come home to find you already in bed, in nothing but one of his shirts. No underwear. His indicator to know you needed him. Watching you be roused by his cock sliding into you, the half asleep moans falling from your lips, he finds it both mesmerizing and adorable.

Using his fangs on you is a rare treat. You had expressed interest at one point, wondering what it'd be like to be completely at his mercy when his venom leaves you immobile. It's not his favorite, but in those rare instances where he wants to remind you that you're his and only his, it comes in handy. You enjoy the manhandling aspect of it, Miguel bending you into whatever position he desires so he can fuck you stupid.

Sex positions depend on his mood. If he's feeling romantic, he likes to be able to look into your eyes. Mating press, cowgirl, even modified versions of the missionary position are what he enjoys. He also provides more foreplay, spending what feels like forever just pleasing you with his fingers and mouth. Especially his mouth. He loves thighs, so feeling yours clench around his head turns him on to no end. One time even, your thighs were positioned in just the wrong way when clamping around his neck, cutting off blood flow and he passed out; you were both too lost in the moment to notice until his body went limp on top of you. Don't worry, you guys had a good laugh about it when he finally came to.

"Dying between your thighs would be the perfect way to go, mi vida."

When he's in a bad mood, it's a different story. It's usually after a rough day at work or if you're pissing him off by being a tease/bratty. His goal is to have you trapped between his body and whatever surface he chooses, varying from the bed, to the couch, the wall, etc. Doggystyle, full Nelson and flat iron are popular choices. He's rougher than usual too, pulling your hair, leaving more hickies than normal and his dirty talk is more degrading than praising. Foreplay is more of a way to assert dominance over you, overstimulating you into submission.

"One more, cum one more time for me. Te voy a joder estúpido, putito." I'll fuck you stupid, little whore.

This is also the time when injury is more likely to occur. Nothing major, puncture marks from his claws on your hips and scratches from his fangs grazing your shoulder. You don't accept his apologies after because there's nothing to be sorry for.

On and Off

There will most likely be a phase in the relationship where the two of you are struggling to keep said relationship afloat. While problems in the bedroom are rare, issues usually being not enough sex, the relationship outside of that can be rocky. The both of you are busy and finding time to spend together becomes harder and harder to do.

The reasons for breaking up can vary. Sometimes it's on his end, Miguel wanting to protect you from his life as Spider-Man and wanting you to be happy and not waiting on him. Other times you're the one to end things because he doesn't provide you with the attention you deserve or because you feel like a burden to him and his work. Either way, even when you're not together officially, it's hard for the two of you to keep your hands off each other.

Miguel shows up to your apartment multiple times, most of the time uninvited. It's always late, the sound of the window to your living room sliding open, followed by his heavy footsteps is enough to wake you up. When you step out of your room, he greets you like a man starved. Sinking to his knees and wrapping his arms around your waist, lifting your shirt to leave kisses down your stomach.

"Been missing you so much, necesito recordar el sabor de ti." need to remember the taste of you.

He's trying to butter you up and you know it. Whether it be you missed him too or you're too tired to argue, you fall for it almost every time. Letting him grasp the back of your thighs to lift you as he stands, making his way to your bedroom with you in his arms and lips pressed against yours.

You don't know which you like better, the sex when you guys aren't together or the makeup sex that follows. Every. Single. Time. It's always after something happens, ranging between him finding out you're starting to date other people again to one of you surviving a near death experience. Either way, it always starts the same.

Miguel shows up at your place, as usual, but instead of groveling for your forgiveness, he's fuming. Mad that you're looking at other guys and not him, mad that he almost lost you, mad that he was stupid for letting you go in the first place...either way he's pissed off. A possessive hand at the nape of your neck, forcing you to look him in the eye. Eye contact is very important to him.

"You're mine, cariño. I'm not letting you go ever again."

After some bickering and maybe even shouting, the interaction usually ends with you ass up over the nearest object while he pummels you with his thick cock. One of his hands restraining your hips while the other is snaked around your torso, his hand wrapped around your neck and his hot breath against your ear. It's an odd routine you've become used to, borderline unhealthy even. However, while the lows can be pretty low, the highs are oh so high. The good times make you fall for his tricks without question. Besides, you both know he's the one wrapped around your little finger.

Don't worry though, for the ride or dies, it all pays off in the end. The back and forth between you two settles and Miguel finds his permanent home between your thighs. As well as your heart, of course.

Tags:

@khaleesihavilliard @leahnicole1219

[maymeteorite]

the astral express family as a unit is SO important to me.

starting with the trailblazer. confused, used, and hardly remembers anything about who they were before. the stellaron in their body is essentially a ticking time bomb. the personal fear that comes with that is already immense, and that's not even taking into account other people's perceptions. but they were accepted, immediately, stellaron and all. they aren't feared, they're loved. instead of others being protected from them, they're protected from others.

dan heng. scared, lost, and without a home to return to. his past tainted every step he took on the xianzhou, and despite the events of the main story, he's still working through how other people see him, as well as how he sees himself. he's never truly been SEEN before, not as dan heng over dan feng. but he's finally been given a place of acceptance. people who love him as he is, with no attachment to his past self. he's found not only a home that he can always go back to, but a home he WANTS to go back to.

march 7th. the girl who doesn't even remember her own name. we as people are shaped by our memories and out pasts. how can someone so young cope with the great unknown constantly looming over her head? companionship. compassion. the promise that no matter what that unknown brings, she is no longer alone. a hand to hold in the darkness, to guide her through the worst that the universe can bring.

welt yang. loss and grief have shaped the person he is today. the threat of the honkai means the constant fear and application of losing the people most important to you. to have a family in the world of the honkai is just about the most dangerous thing you can do, and he knows this firsthand. his memory is not tampered with, but rather incredibly clear. he was a child when his life was overridden by duty, and that duty is something he refuses to let go of, even now. but these people don't see his duty when they look at him. they don't see the herrscher of reason. they see mr. yang, the ever-reliable, slightly ancient, kind member of the crew.

himeko. everyone on the express will come and go, and the life of a nameless is an inherently lonely one. attachments cannot be too severe, lest severing them ends up destroying her. but here she is, with all her knowledge, loving these people anyway.

memory and acceptance are both key themes with the entire express crew. not just past memory, but the creation of new memories. better memories. the express is a place where who you are is inconsequential, and all that matters is that you're safe now. you're loved now. and you will be loved, no matter what happens. no matter what you do, say, or choose.

and something so constant is the glue that holds this group together. not only that, but something they all desperately need.

the trailblazer, young, confused, and scared, needs something to remind them that they aren't alone. something to latch onto, something to cling to that grounds them through the turmoil of hosting a stellaron. dan heng, the greatest criminal of the vidyadhara, needs something to remind him that there is hope. that his life will not always be weighed down by the mistakes of his predecessor, and that there are people out there who love HIM, just as he is, with no fine print or strings attached. march 7th, with nothing behind her, needs something ahead of her. something real, something concrete, something or someone that she can tangibly see, feel, and hold. the uncertainty and unknown hang over her head like a cloud, but that darkness feels much less scary when someone can hold her hand and tell her she's not alone anymore. welt yang, who's lived so long, been through so much, and lost so many, needs a new beginning. not that he's leaving behind the ties he has left, but forging new ones, with absolutely no strings attached to the identity of the herrscher of reason. think about why he never mentions his past in full; obviously for a multitude of reasons, one of which the subconscious desire for a life untainted by the honkai. and himeko, who left everything behind for her dreams, needs people different than her. something new. like-minded people follow the same principles; fulfill their life's purpose, and exit the express. however, in the midst of all that, she's gained more than colleagues, more than nameless, more than fleeting images of friends long gone. she's gained the unconditional love of a family.

and that's not even getting into the dynamic between just welt and himeko. the fact that himeko always feels alone, and then there's welt, who travelled the very cosmos just to protect the life of a former student he feels like he failed. the fact that she likely has no idea of this fact, and assumes he'll leave the express and return to his "real" family someday, when in reality, the only reason he stepped foot on the express in the first place was FOR her. BECAUSE of her. to protect HER.

i'm gonna be honest, even though void archives hasn't made an official appearance yet, and their motivations are obviously skewed due to the fact that they're not technically human, i would fit them into this too. they were never intended to live their own life. their origins and their programming prevents that. destroy the honkai, above all else, no matter the cost. after millennia of being trapped by otto, their own identity, what little of it existed, slipped through their fingers. why do you think they hate being compared to him so much, despite adopting so many of his patterns and mannerisms? what they need is a life of their own. which connects so deeply with what welt needs, too.

and i'm just spitballing here, but i have a theory that part of the reason they left the express in the first place was because they were afraid of the comeraderie they found there interfering with the reason for their existence.

addendum; if the stellaron is in fact a manifestation of the honkai, i NEED to see how that changes the trailblazer's relationship with everyone. especially given the fact that void archives was created to eradicate every form of the honkai, no matter the cost....

anyway. all this to say. i love the express family so much.

[elicathebunny]

learning to let go of lingering negative emotions + Entering a calm state and regulating emotions.

(@anitalenia for the divider ౨ৎ)

Holding Grudges and struggling to let go.

Holding a grudge can affect you in many different ways ...

✦ Mentally:

Increased Stress: Constantly thinking about past experiences can keep your body at high-stress levels, leading to high cortisol and other stress hormones. Over time, this can contribute to anxiety.

Heightened Anxiety: Holding onto a grudge can lead to feelings of anxiety, as you may constantly worry about encountering the person you're resentful towards or replaying the situation in your mind. This can create a cycle of rumination and distress.

Negative Mood: Resentment and anger are negative emotions that can change your perception of the world and affect your mood. Holding a grudge can lead to feelings of bitterness, hostility, and general negativity, making it difficult to experience joy or contentment.

Impaired Relationships: Grudges can strain relationships, both with the person you're holding a grudge against and with others in your life. It can lead to communication breakdowns, conflict, and social withdrawal, which can further bring up feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Impact on Self-Esteem: Holding a grudge can also impact your self-esteem and self-worth. It may lead you to question your own value, especially if the grudge is related to mistreatment.

✦ Physically:

Increased Risk of Cardiovascular Problems: Chronic stress and negative emotions can contribute to high blood pressure, heart disease, and other cardiovascular issues. Holding onto a grudge can keep the body in a constant state of stress, leading to high levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which can negatively impact the heart and blood vessels.

Weakened Immune System: Prolonged stress and negative emotions can weaken the immune system, making you more prone to infections and illness. Holding a grudge can activate the body's stress response, leading to chronic inflammation and a weakened immune response.

Digestive Problems: Stress and negative emotions can also affect the digestive system, leading to issues like stomach pain, indigestion, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Holding a grudge can increase these symptoms by keeping the body in a heightened state of stress, which can mess with normal digestive processes.

Sleep Disturbances: Negative emotions and stress can interfere with sleep quality and quantity, leading to problems like insomnia or disrupted sleep patterns. Holding onto a grudge can keep the mind racing with negative thoughts, making it difficult to relax and fall asleep.

Pain and Tension: Emotional stress and tension can manifest physically as muscle tension, headaches, and other bodily aches and pains. Holding a grudge can increase these symptoms by keeping the body in heightened tension.

Why might we struggle to let these feelings go?

Emotional Attachment: Negative emotions, like anger and hurt, can be intense and create a strong emotional attachment to the incident.

Need for Justice: We often feel the need for fairness or justice, and holding onto a grudge can feel like a way of ensuring the other person is held accountable.

Fear of Vulnerability: Letting go of a grudge might require forgiving someone, which makes us feel vulnerable and exposed.

Identity and Ego: Sometimes, grudges become part of our identity. Letting go can feel like losing a part of ourselves or admitting we were wrong.

Lack of Closure: Not having a clear resolution or apology can make it harder to move on, as the issue feels unresolved.

Recurrent Triggers: Frequent reminders of the event or person can continuously reopen the emotional wound, making it harder to let go.

Negative Reinforcement: Replaying the event in our minds can reinforce negative feelings and make them harder to release.

Low Self-Esteem: When we feel bad about ourselves, we might cling to grudges to deflect attention from our insecurities.

How can we try to overcome grudges?

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognise that you're holding a grudge and understand why. Reflect on what happened and how it made you feel.

Express Yourself: If possible, talk to the person you're holding a grudge against. Express your feelings calmly and honestly without being confrontational.

Empathy: Try to see things from the other person's perspective. Understanding their point of view can help you feel more compassionate and less resentful.

Forgiveness: Remember that forgiving someone is more for your peace of mind than theirs. It doesn't mean you condone their behaviour; it just means you're ready to move on.

Focus on the Present: Let go of the past and focus on the present moment. Holding onto grudges keeps you stuck in the past.

Self-Care: Take care of your mental and physical health. Exercise, meditate, or engage in activities that make you happy and relaxed.

Set Boundaries: If someone continually hurts you, it’s okay to set boundaries. Protecting yourself can help you let go of grudges while maintaining your well-being.

Seek Help: If you’re struggling to let go, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. They can provide professional guidance and support.

How to enter a calm state.

Mediation: When we pay attention to our breath, we are learning how to return to, and remain in, the present moment—to anchor ourselves in the here and now on purpose, without judgment. This increased awareness allows you to recognise and understand your emotions as they arise, rather than reacting impulsively. Regular meditation trains your mind to stay calm and composed. This practice helps in regulating emotions and reducing the intensity of negative feelings like anger, anxiety, and sadness. As you become more skilled at meditation, you'll find it easier to maintain emotional balance and respond to situations in a more thoughtful and measured way.

Here are five reasons to meditate: 1. Understanding your pain 2. Lower your stress 3. Connect better 4. Improve focus 5. Reduce brain chatter

Journalling:

Emotional Expression: Journaling provides a safe space to express and process emotions. Writing about feelings, experiences, and challenges can help individuals acknowledge and make sense of their emotions, leading to increased emotional awareness and regulation.

Stress Reduction: Writing about stressful events or worries can act as a form of stress relief. By putting thoughts onto paper, individuals can release pent-up emotions and gain a sense of control over their circumstances, thereby reducing stress levels.

Problem Solving: Journaling encourages reflection and introspection, allowing individuals to gain insights into their thoughts and behaviors. This process can help identify patterns, triggers, and potential solutions to problems, fostering personal growth and resilience.

Self-Discovery: Regular journaling promotes self-discovery and self-awareness. Through writing, individuals can explore their values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their identity.

Physical Exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Activities like yoga, walking, or swimming can be particularly calming. Stretching is often associated with physical benefits like improved flexibility and reduced muscle tension, but it also offers numerous mental benefits. It helps to release physical tension in the muscles, which is closely linked to reducing mental stress. As your body relaxes, so does your mind, leading to a calmer state of being. Stretching enhances your awareness of your body and its movements. This increased body awareness can help you become more in tune with how stress and emotions affect your physical state, allowing you to manage your mental health more effectively.

Watch what you consume: Put down the phone and silence any distractions. Purposefully make your environment peaceful enough for you to have a clear mind. Don't disrupt your session, stay in this calm moment for as long as you need to to properly reflect on yourself and make a difference to your emotions.

Allow yourself to dig deeper into your emotions without rejecting any ideas:

Really ask questions to make the most of the state you are in. Don't reject or suppress any feelings that come up, accept them and use those thoughts to understand yourself better. This will help you let go or work out anything that is bothering you. Understand your triggers and why you feel this way by prodding yourself with more and more specific questions. This may be an uncomfortable process but by understanding what is blocking you from being completely at peace within yourself then it must be done.

example: I feel like this -> why do I feel like this? Well, because this happened -> Why does this make me upset? Because it reminds me of this -> Why can't I let it go? and so on.

[princessjojo-x]

CancerVenus ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

💝 he’s far too sensitive & reserved to risk being rejected in any capacity. therefore, he’s unlikely to make the first move unless he’s known you for awhile & has good reason to believe his feelings are reciprocated. even after you’ve both shown mutual interests & began dating one another, he’ll resist being the first to confess feelings & he may even take his feelings to the grave. he’d much prefer you to open up first which will make him feel comfortable enough to open up too.

💝 typically, it takes awhile for him to become emotionally invested in a partner. consequently, his love interests may perceive him as rather aloof & hard to read. he will analyse & evaluate before opening the door to his heart. you’ll need to prove to him that you’re dependable, familiar, safe & nurturing. he may even hide away or self sabotage in order to refrain from falling too deep in love.

💝 once the hard crab shell comes off he’s extremely nurturing, loyal & protective. however, some women may find him too smothering & clingy. he overwhelms his lover with attention & he’s willing to weather the storm.

💝 he’s emotionally intelligent & he encourages others to let out their emotions. if you’re going through emotional distress he naturally responds with nurture, wisdom & support. his way of connecting with others is by revealing something emotional.

💝 however, he has potential to become a covert narcissist since he can be emotionally manipulative. he may blame his partner for his own low mood or purposefully ruin her day just to make his point.

💝 his emotional state is vey changeable & unstable. it’s possible that this originated from a cataclysmic emotional event in which his ability to feel inwardly secure has been serverely compromised. old wounds & past traumas can heavily influence his present rxships & cause him to react from a place of fear rather than love. he has a tendency to become engrossed in memories, potentially distorting them, leading to psychic disharmony. he has a deep connection to the past, making it difficult to make room for new memories with a new significant other. despite him continuously learning a lot of hard lessons through love, somehow he never gives up on love.

💝 he has a fear of being too vulnerable & even verbalising what he needs or feels can be too exposing for him (its an instinctual response to his distrust of most people). therefore, he has a silent emotional expectation that his partner should somehow know just what he needs without him even verbalising it. when these needs are unmet, he can react very badly, from deeply crushing silent treatment to extreme anger outbursts. this can leave his partner feeling like she has to walk on egg shells around him!

💝 he usually has healthy self-worth, influenced by family perceptions & upbringing.

💝 he’s not easily bored & he’s content with a “vanilla” rxship.

💝 he may be a quiet, shy, moody & submissive.

💝 he is a vanilla lover & he’s not easily bored.

💝 you will know someone with cancer placements is taking you srsly & trusts you when they invite you to their home bc their home is a very important place to them. it’s where their personality shines, it’s their walls full of pictures of family & friends, books their mother read to them when they were little, blankets their grandmother made for them. they can’t let go of these things so when they let you inside their little shell, you can tell they put a huge amount of trust in you, they don’t do that with just anyone.

💝 he holds grudges a lot bc it's the only way to stop him from forgiving others.

💝 if you try to lie to him he’ll always have receipts ready!

💝 all cardinal venus signs tend to stop making efforts in their rxships once they get the person they were chasing, then either leave or complain about how boring things got.

💝 typically, if he isn’t interested in someone he will fabricate an excuse instead of telling her bluntly bc he doesn’t want to make her feel rejected & sad, a feeling he knows too well.

Turn On’s:

💝 he prefers love over lust. infant, being loved is more important to him than anything else.

💝 he seeks a partner who is emotionally understanding & provides him emotional security.

💝 ensure to give him lots of physical affection bc he establishes trust through physical touch. the best method to calm him down is literally giving him a hug.

💝 he loves a woman who’s the perfect blend of docile & dominant. dominant in the sense that she’ll be mature, reliable & persistent (he loves the mother archetype, being babied by a partner who feels like home). docile in the sense that she is willing to taking care of him & cater to him. he may even like passivity & receptivity in women, where he is the one providing & she can receive it.

💝 his ideal woman: feminine, sweet, soft, gentle, delicate, nurturing, compassionate, patient.

💝 he’s drawn to partners in humanitarian or service based jobs: chef, nurse, carer, etc.

💝 create a warm, loving space for him to relax in at the end of the day or be willing to listen to how his day went.

💝 treat him like a priority & make him feel important. he needs constant reassurance, comfort, safety & vulnerability. ts

💝 his ideal partner has a water sign moon or ascendant.

💝 he wants someone with a strong connection to family or someone who wants to build a family (family oriented).

💝 ask him abt his rxship with his mum as he may have a mommy kink or mommy issues (or he may tend to attract people with mommy issues).

💝 sexually, he needs very strong touch, holding & kissing in order to feel sexually secure & trusting. unless he feels emotionally safe, he’ll feel sexually insecure.

💝 to impress him, dress a tad more modest & traditional, he likes a gentle aesthetic. he likes the colours of the moon (white, grey, light blue). don’t dress with too many colours or patterns. show da titties off, cancer placements love titties.

💝 he finds shy people super cute & charming.

💝 all water venus’s want emotional security. they want to be able to have a safe space & build a deep bond (they lacked this this security growing up). they want to feel spiritually bonded with their partner.

Turn Off’s:

💝 he loves to talk abt his feelings so he’s turned off by overly aggressive, emotionally closed off, overly confident, arrogant, aloof, flashy & inconsiderate women.

💝 he dislikes being rushed or pushed to make decisions. he moves at his own pace & if he become overwhelmed, he’ll retreat.

💝 he’s turned off if you don't let him in bc he likes to build a full connection asap & may have problem with the waiting stage. he wants to be sure things are going steadily in the direction of you being fully open to him, fully trusting in him & being an open book for him to read. he craves that intimacy & prefers love over lust, so if you don’t share yourself fully too it may annoy him.

💝 he’s turned off when you make him feel left out, unwanted & refuse to take his feelings into account (same for all water venus).

💝 telling him he makes you feel super uncomfortable & unsafe. telling him that he’s creepy, perverted & gross.

💝 rejecting his cuddles & food.

[orangeypopsicle]

Overanalyzing the flashback scene because why not?

I've seen some people throw around jokingly that Velvet is "delulu", and "crazy", and stuff, but I legitimately think that she might believe some of the lies that she says. What makes me think this, you may ask? The flashback scene. I'm referring to is where the viewer sees the point of view from both siblings about what it was like when they were younger. It's quoted a lot because it's hilarious, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

There's three major elements that I considered while interpreting it: the tone/expressions of the characters, the people involved in the interaction, and how the flashbacks are utilized.

To start, Velvet is having a conversation with her brother. This is a person who lived in the same household as her and would know the most about her out of the entire cast. Velvet's argument to Veneer about not releasing Floyd to continue their lifestyle is that they would have to go back to an awful place, which would bank on him having that same perception. Her expression is very serious and upset as it transitions into her flashback.

The interpretation of "a dark place where we had nothing" is not left to the imagination, with a scene of the two starving and living in poverty. It cuts back to the current time, and Veneer states as if he were responding directly to the flashback, "Girl, we grew up in the suburbs. Our parents were dentists." Veneer doesn't hesitate to say this as what she had described is objectively false.

Both flashbacks take place in the same setting, but there are some key differences between them. The first flashback has them both filthy and holding the same bowls as the second flashback, but they're empty. The second flashback has a full table, and the table has no food in the first flashback. Velvet's interpretation has their parent's house as unkempt, sad, and colorless. In stark contrast, Veneer's flashback shows a tidy and vibrant house. However, Velvet isn't happy in both flashbacks. Velvet is sad in her flashback of their past, and Velvet is angry in Veneer's flashback.

Velvet lashing out in the second flashback led to what I'm explaining the whole scene is about. Velvet's interpretation of the past was based on how it emotionally felt, which led to her memories looking far more depressing. Velvet's younger self, with those issues controlling her emotions, may have felt like she was alone and living in "a dark place". It was objectively false, but felt real!

I'm willing to give this scene that more thorough interpretation because it's clear manipulation if Velvet said it any other character, but when said to her own sibling, it's a very strange and blatant lie that would never have worked. Would it not have made more sense if she had instead left it at appealing to Veneer's materialism?

Emotions can be so powerful! It may even lead to a different view of the same event.

[wooyoungisbaby]

Precious

My entry to the 18+ ateez server's Guess The Author event that we held :)) Read it on AO3 here, if you'd prefer! It's a little event where those who want to participate, write a <500 word ficlet about a prompt. This time, the prompt was "Precious" :)

Words: 496 · Rating: T · Characters: Hala!Wooyoung, mentions of both versions of San · Ships: Can be read as romantic or platonic woosan · No archive warnings apply · Additional tags: Unresolved angsty ponderings, vaguely mentioned past trauma, Choi San needs a hug, Halateez & Ateez

Wooyoung knows San well. Like the rest of the Black Pirates, they’re tight knit. Have been for years. They’ve worked together and seen each others’ successes and failures up close and personal. Every bit of celebration and grief in graphic detail. 

Although… Since the other group, the idols - Ateez, stumbled their way into this dimension, he has found himself questioning how well he truly knows his old friend. 

It’s the other San. His way of existing messes with Wooyoung’s head. 

The idols are, in essence, the same as them. They have the same DNA and the same natural tendencies, they’ve just lived vastly different lives. No doubt they’ve faced many hardships, living in the spotlight and having the burden of millions of eyes on them, scutinising. Expecting. No life is easy, but those are lives they wanted. Lives they chose. Lives they willingly worked towards because those were their desired paths.

Wooyoung has never had the luxury of choice. Neither has San. 

Their existences started out black, white and grey, void of meaning. The blooming colors that the idols have been surrounded by since birth, the Black Pirates have had to fight tooth and nail to even see glimpses of.

Yes, Wooyoung knows San - his own San. Knows his carefully crafted persona; a right hand to Hongjoong, skilled and ruthless. Perceptive and analytical, and sharp as a knife. Never one to back down from a challenge. Never afraid to charge head first into danger if he believes it will help their cause. He knows how San became like this, too, has seen the reality of the world they live in first hand. Seen the danger that comes with challenging that reality. 

San is strong, because he has to be. He’s razor sharp because if he were not, people might get a chance to hurt him - or worse, put the team in danger. 

Wooyoung knows what San is like behind the scenes, too. What he’s like when he’s not actively trying to intimidate the enemy into submission with a single, fiery gaze. He’s seen him calm, seen him resting. 

Sometimes he closes his eyes, trusting that the others will keep watch for a beat. 

But looking at San the idol, prods at something within Wooyoung. Like a physical stir inside his chest, one that he can’t control. 

This other San is soft. On purpose. His expression is honest and open. He bodily leans on his team mates and pets their hair, holds their hands.

He smiles and laughs, openly. Easily. 

And Wooyoung can’t help but wonder. If his own San hadn’t been on the run his entire adult life, if he hadn’t had to look for danger around every corner, if he had ever been safe enough to let himself stop sharpening the knife of his heart for even a second... If his features, too, would shape themselves into that soft, vulnerable expression. If he would close his eyes and lean on Wooyoung.

If he would laugh.

[lokorum]

1 ,6 , 10, 12, 22, 36, 37, 57, 77 for Gortash x Isa ?👀

oh oh ooooooooohhhh thank you so much for your ask!! i hope you'll enjoy reading it!! &lt;;3

1. who’s the primary protector of the two?

hmm, i can easily see at least a couple of reasons why tav if they are durge - gonna be fiercely protective of gortash and vice versa since they're the only two "survivors" of aaaaaall this mess they themselves created years ago. so i think they are kinda on the same lvl here? (especially after events of bg3 uuhhh)

but also - their understanding of "protection" is very different. for isa it's all about making sure that no one in the same room with gortash has access to sharp objects. (he kills rivals, neutralizes threats -that kind of stuff). while enver on the other hand protects through being extra thoughtful - he double checks all possible drawbacks of their plans; willingly spends time to manipulate\misinform people about anything related to bhaal's church; makes sure isa has the best gear and equipment, all that jazz!!

6. who holds a grudge the longest? definitely 10000% i'm absolutely certain - its gortash. if he turns out not to be the most vengeful bitch across the whole sword coast (and the one with a very good memory too) - i'm guilty of misinterpreting this character and should be punished by romancing someone super cute and kind (please dont do this to me).

what made me think that way is a sweet combo of his delusional perception of the world + his self-esteem, i guess? though in more close relationships i imagine him being the kind of person who, when offended, either becomes cold and distant, basically silent-treats you, or acts like nothing happened bc he can't\doesn't have time to process the situation. healthy coop mechanisms? i bet this stinky lil men never heard about them.

isa, well, isa is more of a "i deserve to bleed" kinda person............

10. which of the two is quick to speak and which one is quick to listen? ohhhhhh on any day of the week - gortash is a talkative one!! and isa are getting their "very good boi" badge and a cake for saying more than 100 words in one day (it rarely happens) 

12. which of the two rolls their eyes the most often? gortash thinks it's him but he is wrong. 

22. Who gets more easily embarrassed? gortash thinks it's not him, but it is. 

36.  who’s better at dealing with emotional trauma? WELL to paraphrase wendigoon: between planning to usurp all toril and going to the therapy - they chose violence.

37. who’s more foulmouthed? since isa's vocabulary consists mostly of "um", "ha?" and "heh", gortash once again is our winner! i think his criminal past left a mark on his speech, no matter how he plays all lordy and nobly these days. piss him off - and im 99,9% sure you'll hear something coooooolourful. 

57. who’s got the highest pain tolerance? ohhh definitely isa for this one!! they can go days and days without treating their wounds, and they are horrible at realising they're wounded in the first place! broken bones, broken and exposed bones, deep cuts, bruises, concussions, knocked out teeth, burned skin, sliced skin, frostbitten skin, you name it - they had it. the way isa treats their body deeply horrified enver when he noticed the pattern but tbh??? sometimes i look at enver and think that he is one of those ppl who will lie down and cry if you slap them 

77. who's more likely to execute their threats? both!! it's a family activity. 

phphph ive made memes...............................................................................................................................................

[bullet-prooflove]

The Beauty of the End Part Two: Reckless Michael 'Riz' Ariza x Reader (feat Taza & Creeper)

Tagging: @anime-weeb-4-life, @danzer8705 @mysoulisasunflower @vannabanana1995 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @sxmmarie @camelia35 @queeniesdiary @briefpersonenemy @creativitybeware @genius2050 @mortal--soul @buddinglinguist @oureternalbond @rubes2323 @proceduralpassion @crazy4chickennuggets @callsignartemis @kmc1989 @librarian1002

It’s Creeper that notices the change, he’s the only one that stays sober during nights at the club house so he’s always the most perceptive. He notices that Riz sticks around for longer, that he spends most of his time drinking and getting high, that he hasn’t laid a hand on his guitar since he returned from Nashville, that he’s paying a little more attention to the girls at the bar. He hasn’t talked about you in weeks, and every time your name comes up he pretends he hasn’t heard it.

It comes to a head during Poker Night at Vicki’s. They’ve been to a thousand and one of these events, they’re a way of blowing off steam after a tough run. Some of the guys take a girl upstairs, others drink, do a little pot, Creeper just likes to play the game because while everyone else is distracted, drunk or high, he cleans up big.

When Riz pulls a girl into his lap he’s taken aback, he can tell the other guys are too. He hasn’t so much as looked at another woman since he’s been with you and now he’s whispering in a whore’s ear as she plays with his hair. When he takes her upstairs to bed, they’re all too fucking shocked to say anything. Creeper raises his eyes to the ceiling when the distinctive noise of the headboard slamming against the wall in the room above breaks through the silence.

“What the fuck is that about?” Taza asks him as he sets his cards face down on the table.

Creeper shakes his head.

“He hasn’t been the same since Nashville.”

*************************************************************

When he’s done fucking the whore, Riz tells her to leave. He waits until she slips out of the door, still barely dressed before he climbs out of the bed and lights a cigarette from the pack he keeps on the dresser. He lingers by the window, staring out into the darkness, trying to ignore the state of his reflection in the glass.

He looks like hell. His eyes are glassy from the whiskey and the weed, there’s dark circles underneath them, highlighting the bender he’s been on over the past couple of days because despite the fact he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to speak to you, you’re still calling. Each and every time he’s seen your name pop up on his screen, it's like a fucking knife in his chest, so he blocks you.

Somehow that makes it worse.

He sits down on the bed, taking a drag before he blows out a smoke ring and watches it evaporate into the air. The sex didn’t do anything to quench the anguish in his chest. He wonders how many will be enough, how many women will it take before he forgets you?

**********************************************************************

Riz was a ladies’ man before he met you and in the ruins of your relationship, he takes up the mantle again. He fucks his way through Santo Padre, Stockton and Bakersfield, it doesn’t matter when, where or who. He gets the shit kicked out of him on the reservation for fucking a Blackjack player’s girlfriend in the bathroom. He simply laughs in the other man’s face, telling him he should be keeping his girl more satisfied. Both Taza and Creeper have to pull the other guy off him, because Riz gives up fighting after the second punch. His face is a mask of blood and he’s still smiling, he looks fucking crazed.

It’s Taza that approaches him in the end.

Riz is lying on his bike outside a rest stop, staring up at the sky and puffing on a joint. He watches the clouds pass overhead as he inhales, holding the smoke in his lungs for as long as possible before releasing it. Taza kicks the base of his boot, jerking him back to reality. The bruising on his face is starting to come out, a blossom of pink, purple and green all fading into the natural hue of his skin.

“You’re gonna need to get yourself tested, the way your chasing tail.” Taza comments, plucking the joint out of Riz’s mouth before tossing it on the ground and crushing it beneath the heel of his boot.

“I always glove.” Riz informs him, before sitting up so that he’s straddling his bike.

“What the fuck is doing on with you?” Taza snaps at him. “You’re a fucking mess. You’re not even going home anymore; you just sleep at Vicki’s and fuck anything that moves.”

Riz simply shrugs. He hasn’t been forthcoming with any of the details and Taza finds it frustrating because the Riz he knows, the one he’s been friends with since the very beginning, has always been an open book. He doesn’t know this man. This stranger hell bent on self-destruction.

“You don’t have to be a shrink to see that you’re trying to fill that hole in your heart.” Taza tells him, throwing his leg over his own bike and pulling on his helmet. “I don’t know what happened, but you need to get your shit together real quick, because I’m not sure how much longer Bishop is gonna let this go.”

Riz says nothing, instead he pulls out his sunglasses from the top pocket of his kutte and pulls them on over his red rimmed eyes.

“You’re banned from Vicki’s by the way.” Taza informs him as he adjusts the strap under his chin. Riz’s head snaps up towards the older man and Taza gives him a look. “Until you get your head on straight, you’re not to go back here.”

“Is that an order from my V.P?” Riz asks him, his gaze straying to patch on the other man’s kutte.

“Do you need it to be?” Taza asserts with an even stare.

Riz shakes his head before hitting the kick pedal of his bike with his foot and pulling off into the road. He isn’t wearing his helmet and that scares the shit out of Taza, he  watches as the other man disappears into the distance, his hair streaming into the wind behind him. Taza knows a thing or two about hating yourself and he thinks that’s what he’s seeing when he looks at the other man, a chasm of self-loathing so deep that nothing will ever be able to fill it.

“That looks like it went real well.” Creeper says from beside him as he sips from a take away cup of coffee.  

“As well as it could.” Taza says with a sigh as he shakes his head. “This can’t go on much longer, he’s going to get himself killed.”

Love Riz? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[deafenedsaltwater]

Today I woke up at 4am and decided that means its. Time to write a 4x ramble of mainly highlights

Now to copy-paste it here so I can uhhh add to it a bit

More than 14 years ago when the first piece of bfdi/xfohv content was released, 4 and x were the first two to have a spoken interaction. Furthermore, in that educational short film, 4 helped X Find Out His Value, the titular event. Later, upon reintroduction in bfdi/bfb proper, 4 has x be his cohost, which gives us more to go off of for their relationship. Highlights of this include: 4 making it a challenge to cool down x when he was on fire, / 4 speaking in unison with x (subscriber specials + have nots/have cots challenge), / 4 saying, and I quote, "but X is just looking for his treasure! I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN BECAUSE I MUST BE X'S ONLY TREASURE ", / in a flashback where x is telling the contestants about 4's love for bfdi, it's shown they lived together or at least spent a lot of time together before the show (also can I say seeing x get sad about 4 running away hit me hard), / 4 sung a cover of "All I Want For Christmas" directed AT X, outright calling him "baby" and telling him he would wait under the mistletoe for him (4X NATIONAL TREASURE HOLY SHIT I LOST IT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT), / during Thanks for 800k, they did a parody of Honey I'm Home where the line was unfortunately replaced with "buddy I'm home" (4x disaster. We lost that day), / Cary confirmed that they were not related, and that he "liked the shipping", and "yeah, it's definitely canon" (to some extent. We can assume he didn't mean outright romantically, partial win), / 4 calls x "The best cohost money can buy", (he doesn't pay x), and earlier 4 had said "that's because I'm here! Yeah, I'm thinking of doing standup" in response to someone saying it's hot. X says something affirmative to this, I forget what exactly, but with ambiguity I can assume he meant that 4 is hot and noone can stop me, / 4 reads x's memory to find out who stole donut's diary, and x says "Ok! ...remember to keep my secrets" afterwards, / when bfb split into tpot and bfb, when x left, 4 not only got depressed, but referenced the original XFOHV short by saying "I just don't know what my value is, where my cohost is!" (Evil fucking homewrecker 2 I'll get them I WILL), asks ALL of his remaining contestants to help him get x back, before outright making it the challenge for the episode. When x is returned to 4, 4 says "x! I'm so happy to see you! Are you?" "That depends, how good are you at paddy cake?" "I'm super pro!" "Then I am happy as well!", / they have a lot of hugs, notably the one upon 4's return, and that one that is animated so that they reeaaallly look like they're making out, / I'm running out of notable moments hold on let me go watch a 4x compilation

I'm using masculine pronouns ffor both of them bc that's how they're referred to in the show, but as with all Algebraliens, they're genderless

OK OK I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO TALK ABT X GETTING SAD WHEN 4 ENTERED THE GROUND. Sitting at the exact spot 4 entered the ground for months and watching his 43 imaginary bfdi seasons is so,, I mean all I'm saying is that hurt/comfort goes crazy for them (fanfic reader in me shining through)

AND THE "What do you think of roleplay?" LINE. That whole episode of them swapping appearances was so lovely for subtle 4x dynamic. I want I want more just fluffy moments with them,, just seeing how they banter and bounce off each other is so joyful. I'm a sucker for fluff

Generally X is just such a supportive friend and 4 loves them (Other than the LRC line - I really don't like the Limb Reattachment Center being a possibility even off screen. It messes with my perception of them, and it feels inconsistent with the rest of their relationship throughout the show. Maybe I'm just a massive hater and don't want my vanilla flavor fluffy best friend ships being toxic in some way. 4 screeching adds to this, but lesser as later when x made it a condition of him staying 4 stopped screeching)

4 was proud of x for doing bfb without them. Honestly, my earlier distaste for the LRC thing could be fixed by continued shows of progress in their relationship like this. I will read between all the lines I want to make sense of the behavioral changes, as someone who hasn't watched BFDI content other than all subscriber specials, the pi day massacre, tpot 11, and a 4x compilation. Part of my willingness to somewhat brush past is that 4 and X are very strong/durable people who, as far as we know, could live for eons. Mainly referencing Thanks For 900k's timeskip here. I hope they live forever <3

OHHH THE WHOLE SUBPLOT OF 4 TELLING THE CONTESTANTS TO RESPECT X'S ALOE VERA,, I mean, it's a subplot that leads into x catching on fire which leads to th e challenge being first to cool him down then to do something to help his aloe vera grow. But it was great. "If X says there are points, there are points" ...lovely

X offering 4 a juicebox when they feel bad <3

I hope these two title screens speak to their relationship, and my perception of them

[alyjojo]

Twin Flame 🔥 Journey - June 2024 - Leo

Your Energy:

Page of Swords - The Emperor rev - 3 Wands rev

It’s easy to know who it is, it’s the one you stalk constantly but refuse to speak to 😆 This isn’t saying you’re wrong, just proud and stubborn. You refuse to be the one reaching out to them because of two things: 1, you will be the one being pursued, not the pursuer, you’re old fashioned like that; and 2, you already felt like this connection was one-sided, they didn’t give you enough in the first place - so you’ll die before you go chasing after them & that ever again. Maybe you did before, now it’s more about proving to yourself you’re better than that and they can make the effort.

With that though, you’re obsessively watching their every move, what they’re doing, who they’re with, where they’re going. Ruminating in your head everything that’s happened, what’s been said or done, and wondering why they aren’t making moves towards you. 3 Wands rev shows you’re waiting for nothing. You’re standing on principle, and you should, but this person is probably either clueless or over it…not even on the same page as you. You’ve internalized a battle of wills that only you’re playing, they’ve given up or moved on. Everything at the bottom of the deck says this is going nowhere, and with your messages maybe you want it that way. Partly.

Oracle:

OLD SCHOOL 👵🏻

- Outdated Thinking

- Conditioning

- Replaying Events Over in Your Mind

38 Limits

Know that limiting attitudes are often formed as protective reactions to past events.

42 Courage

Have the courage to see lessons in all situations and face them constructively.

Messages:

- Going in different directions.

- I’m NOT that person anymore.

Their Energy:

9 Swords rev - 9 Cups - 7 Pentacles

Yeah, their energy was strong on your side too. They’re over it, and they don’t think about this much. When they do, it’s more of a wistful happy thought than anything negative or grudge-holding, and they consider it “the past”. It was a different time for them. Always Acting Single can show they didn’t take this as seriously as you did, they don’t invest as much of themselves as you do, they’re a very logical sort. Right now, their focus is 100% on their career and they’ve been working hard towards something they’re waiting to manifest into reality, probably related to business. I’m seeing one person staring at another’s social media page, and the other person is staring at spreadsheets & doesn’t even log in or care - that’s the vibe between you. You can’t make them give af, I think you’ve accepted that much. You wish you could though. If they’ve said or done something harsh to you, they do regret that, an apology weighs on their mind, and the bottom shows they didn’t want you to go. So they wish things could’ve been different, but they also chalk it up to a missed opportunity and have moved on with their life. That’s just the kind of person they are, I don’t think that they think that you even think about them. Another day, another dollar. That’s life.

Oracle:

CAMERA 📷

- Reminiscing

- Making Memories

- Learn from the Past

- Perception

16 Dream

Connect to your intuitive dream world of metaphors and symbols.

37 Manifest

Soon you may manifest the goal you focus spiritual energies on.

Messages:

- Always Acting Single

- I’ve Moved On.

Mutual Energy/What is Mirrored:

2 Swords - The Hermit - Queen of Cups

Stubborn, both of you 💯 The Taurus charm came out but the sign isn’t heavy, though they are described as King of Pentacles, one/both of you could have a strong placement there. Or it’s just the vibe. Neither of you are moving, acknowledging the other, giving even an inch. Not messaging, not starting over, not even entertaining the thought. So that’s where it’s going. Both of you are solid people, practical, stable, concerned about the material world and the reality in front of you - not a bunch of what ifs, maybes, destiny, karma, it could all be a bunch of hoodoo nonsense as far as both of you are concerned. Twins. Pfft. Fair. That’s also what delays everything so…be right and alone, basically, that’s what I heard 😆

It is necessary to take space apart in order to grow, and both of you tend to stunt your growth with narrow mindsets. The only way out of this is communication, and both of you are so heavily resistant to the idea of that, it could take years. Ages. Till near death. God himself may have to make you two enter the same gas station just to have *something* to go off of, give you the excuse. You both avoid your feelings, avoid healing, avoiddddd everything. And don’t take very good care of yourself, you both tend to make Distractions your priority and not feeding your heart, mind & spiritual center (which is healing). Work, obligations, responsibilities, we’re busy people, too busy to…love. Feel. Heal. Enjoy a too short life by spending all of your time on things that…meh. Neither of you care all that much about. We need some fire in this LEO reading ijs 🔥 too much earth energy is drollllll 😴 That sentiment alone shows you have to be the first to change. This person will die in a routine and probably think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Resistance and Not Today at the bottom, probably not today. June. This year. Idk but eventually, something’s gotta give. Or not 🤷🏼‍♀️ The sooner you move towards things that make you happy and let this go, the faster they’re triggered to wake tf up and do the same.

Oracle:

GROUNDING 🪨

- Stability & Security

- Performance

- Growth & Endurance

56 Distractions

When you are trying to solve a problem, you will often be tested by distractions.

66 New Start

Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

Possible Signs:

Heavy Aries, Gemini, Libra & Virgo

Charms:

Trustworthy ♉️ on Grounding (both) shows two solid people that are focused on material pursuits and stability. Neither of you are unreliable or “too wild” by any means, both of you consider your foundations and future as a constant in every decision you make. Both of you are very mature in this way.

Clock ⏰ rev on Distractions (both) is wasting time. Hobbies, materialism, careers, favors, other people’s dramas, whatever the thing - you both place these things as highest priority in order to avoid the real shit going on inside. That could go on forever.

Fish 🐟 rev on New Start (both) show you both feel like the other person isn’t the one, could possibly be. You’ve tried before, it didn’t work, logic would have it known that “there’s a reason your ex is your ex.” True. And also, God doesn’t operate by anyone’s “logic”, and loooves to make people look foolish when they’re dead set on anything really. Like oh yeah? We’ll see about that…

Gift 🎁 rev on Resistance could be a specific holiday or occasion that’s being resisted or purposely ignored, either currently or that was a thing between you. Neither wants to give to the other in any sense, neither feels it’s their job or should be them. Everything about this feels one sided or unbalanced, and you both refuse to do anything about it.

[sakkiichi]

MATCHUP FOR @yaminohimeyume

hello, lovely ! and apologies for taking a little long with your matchup. i hope you still like it <3

as soon as i read your description attentively i knew who was your perfect match. actually, both your match and the runner up were the ones to instantly come to mind hehe, i hope it’s to your tastes !

your genshin impact match is someone with a silver tongue and a knack for charming people, in contrast to your more reserved character. like you, he is loyal, even if he often conceals himself behind the shadows that come with his cool facade. he cares deeply for his loved ones, and similarly to you, lying is not out of the question for him, especially if it benefits him or someone he holds dear. don’t be fooled by this, however, through the ice he displays, his heart is one of the noblest you can encounter.

well, can you tell who hides behind stars that died long ago? stare into the night to find…

✧ KAEYA

One of the reasons why I think you and our resident cavalry captain would work well is due to the nice contrast between your demeanors. You’re reserved and leaning on timid, whereas Kaeya is an expert when it comes to interacting with others.

In addition, he is very sharp and perceptive. A smooth-talker, I just have the feeling that his words would manage to soothe your worries from past events. Kaeya can be very comforting, a steady ice-block, afloat amidst the raging oceans of your worries.

When it comes to insecurity and self-doubt, Kaeya is definitely a great help. He is intuitive and confident, his charisma always managing to put you at ease, calming down the furious gales raging inside your mind, as you turn over every thought time after time.

To him, though, every one of your decisions is perfect in its own way…

—

The night above is worthy of poetry anthologies.

Indigos fade into silver-flecked marine hues, the fine clouds, the threads connecting the distant stars foretelling the future.

Nightingales flit from one stray tree to another, dancing in the chilly late autumn wind, notes of winter palpable moments before sundown, when the heavens were dyed in steely shades of snow.

Beneath this night, you sit by the garden’s fountain, the water inside its basin, a carbon copy of the infinity above.

One could tell this place and scenery were peaceful, a near perfect idyll taken out of a sweet dream.

If they asked you, however, you’d beg to differ.

Half moons are indented in the palms of your hands, almost a mockery of the one above, as you nervously fiddle with the book you were reading moments ago, hands curling into fists.

Too nervous to keep focusing on the text and diagrams of different constellations and their interpretations, you take shallow breaths now.

Do you look presentable enough? Was this dress the right choice for your date? Will he like it?

Sighing, your eyes flutter closed, the cool breeze, a caress against your quickened heart.

“Well, well, and I thought I was early.” A familiarly mischievous sweet voice chants.

“K-kaeya!” You stammer at first, breath hitching, the temperature on your cheeks rising several degrees.

He flashes his usual saccharine smile, devoid of the shadows of midnight with you. When he was around you, the curve of his lips was not taut or practised, but a crystal clear reflection of his heart of gold.

His tan hand finds yours.

Clear ice meets your eyes, light glinting off of them when the swordsman gets lost in your stare. A rare sight, for the captain’s gaze was usually opaque with secrecy.

“You look lovely, my darling.” The knight whispers, sensuous lips brushing over the back of your hand. You get lost in his midnight lashes, caressing his high cheekbones.

Not even the stars you study could have predicted the wild beat of your heart against your ribcage at his actions.

In a swift motion, your lover tugs at your hand, bringing you close to the warmth of his partially exposed chest.

“And it’s a beautiful night,” he continues, his hands sliding around your waist. “Wouldn’t you say the stars are shining for us, sweetheart?” He softly utters. His kisses graze your skin, so delicately, as if you were a glass blossom wrapped in velvet; resilient and yet sensitive and so, so dear to him.

In your beloved’s embrace, a pleasingly cool breeze blows by, all your worries carried away.

As your lips touch his and starlight sways around you, your breathing steadies.

Your book is long forgotten, its pages curiously turned to a chapter on fated love.

—

Your loyalty and honesty are both qualities Kaeya values so much in you. While you might occasionally tell some minor lies, he instantly catches up on them and knows you’re doing it for someone else’s own good.

The fact that you’re so honest is so endearing to Kaeya. We all know while, coming from good, he often tampers with the truth, spinning the facts to benefit the situation; so being with someone transparent, who speaks their mind would really be a good match for him.

You describe yourself as a good listener, and that is also something very positive for Kaeya. Often putting on a suave facade, his worries and thoughts tend to fester in the hours he spends alone, . Having someone who can listen to him without judging is something he deserves.

You mention you don’t trust easily, but neither does he. So your love story would be a slow-burn, getting to unravel his many layers, the ice obscuring his kind heart melting as you offer your affection to him.

Because he is frequently cataloged or labeled as something he really is not, Kaeya just knows that you’re so much more than your cold and collected exterior. And he’ll take all the time in the world to get to know you. No matter how long.

As an INFJ, you are intuitive. Kaeya is too, his mbti being ENTP. This opens the possibility for deep chats, which, in turn, would mean your lover getting to know about your hobbies. I can easily picture you two, by starlight, perched near the window of your shared home, as you read, perhaps for him. Maybe it’s a piece you wrote, or your favorite book. But regardless, the cavalry captain is utterly mesmerized by the lilt of your voice and the shine in your eyes.

✧ RUNNER UP: CHILDE

The reason I think he’s a good match for you as well is because of Ajax’s kind nature and loyalty towards those he loves. We see this when it comes to his family, risking his own health, and even life, to make his little brother happy.

You say you get lonely and are afraid to approach people at times. But rest assured, Childe adores it when you seek him out, to tell him about this or that star chart or to show him something you wrote.

He will never betray your trust either. If he lies to you, it is likely about his dealings as a fatui, and he does it solely to protect you. And if you met him already knowing who he really works with, well, then he has nothing to hide, really. Ajax trusts you with his life, so rest assured, the only details he will omit, much like you do, are the ones that could put you in danger.

He is definitely cheerful and extroverted, so he could aid you in getting out of your shell more. And if you feel insecure? Please, he is such a simp (affectionate) and is not shy to voice all the ways in which he believes you’re absolutely wonderful!

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - a Baldurs Gate fanfiction - part 3

Chapter 15 - the end of a new beginning {this is the end of “Heart of the Weave” for now but stay tuned for a new part!}

The past several days have only brought us a serene life thankfully. I decided to hide the photos and letter my mom sent me over a month ago rather than burn it. I can at least look at the happy times between my mother and Gortash, back before he worshiped Bane. I no longer feel sadness from the events that have occurred thankfully, and I’m welcoming every positive feeling that greets me.

Today, we’re all spending the day at the beach. I love how it’s walking distance from our tower, so we can enjoy the sunlight as we stroll to the crystal waters that practically lives in our backyard. Shadowheart and Astarion come with, which is so nice because I haven’t seen either of them in ages!

Astarion takes Asher into the shallow waters, while Gale introduces Jenevelle to the beauty of the placid ocean. She loves baths, so I imagine she will be quite fond of the sea. The guys are talking and smiling, exchanging some sort of conversation. Whatever it’s about, they both seem heavily engaged in it. I love seeing them be best friends; who would have thought? When we all first met, they didn’t exactly like each other. Shadowheart and I lie underneath the blazing sun, getting a tan and a small break from the babies.

“I’m so glad we’re all hanging out again. Astarion needed some guy time, and I missed you like crazy,” she comments as she takes a swig of her lemonade.

“I missed you too. I was worried we would drift apart or something. Gods, it feels so nice to be living in peace for once without any burdens. I can finally get back to life again.” Shadowheart chuckles as she lies there, absorbing the energies of the sun. She knows how much we went through.

“I imagine. I’m thankful you’ve found peace.” As we converse and catch up on life, disregarding any horrible past experiences, I hear a familiar voice.

“Emmy!” Rolan. I can separate that voice from anyone else’s immediately. Shadowheart and I turn our heads to see him approach us. I wonder why he’s been in Waterdeep so much lately?

“Whoa, hey Rolan!” I cheer, a smile lighting up my face.

“Wow, you both brought your families today. How have you been?”

“Not too bad honestly! Say, what are you doing in Waterdeep? Did you move here? I feel like I’ve seen you a lot here lately.” He takes a sip from his wine glass.

“I actually got a job at the Academy, I’ll be Gale’s new assistant. Cal and Lia are watching the tower for me while I’m gone. I’ll eventually open up my own school or become a professor down the road, whichever comes first. I figured I could learn a thing or two from your intelligent husband.” Shadowheart and I both smile with pure intensity, thrilled at this news. This could mean another friend to add to our circle, or someone to discuss magic with for Gale’s sake.

“Rolan! That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, congrats! You’re going to accomplish everything you’ve ever wanted. I just know it,” Shadowheart adds. He smiles, revealing his cheek dimples. He has worked so hard to get where he is now, and he still has so much to look forward to.

“Why thank you, my dear friends. And I must say, I’m proud of you all as well. It seems you both have an incredibly happy family. After everything, you deserve it.” Shadowheart and I smile, exchanging glances and then look back at Rolan. We have come such a long way in three years. Wow… It’s hard to believe nearly four years ago, I found myself abandoned from a nautiloid crash.

“Thank you Rolan. Life is pretty peachy, if I do say so myself.” I admire my handsome husband who is playing with our infant in the water. She seems to really be enjoying herself thankfully, and nothing makes me happier than seeing my two favorite people enjoying themselves. Gale turns to face me, passing a smile with his perceptive and glistening chocolate brown eyes as he holds Jenevelle close to his chest. I mouth the words I love you to him as our eyes hold contact with one another. I couldn’t ask for a better life despite the insane circumstances.

[nineteenthmay]

Monstrous Ball vs Hi Society or Chuck and Blair's evolution

Today I'm in the mood to talk about Gossip Girl Season 6, Episode 5 Monstrous Ball. I have seen many thoughts expressed about it: delusional Dair fans have claimed that somehow Blair going to the ball with Dan proves that she still hadn't chosen between Dan and Chuck; some Chair fans have been irritated and disappointed by Dan's presence and have claimed that it ruined Chuck and Blair's moment; some others have wondered about lack of reaction about Blair going to the ball with Dan from Chuck, asking why was Chuck so indifferent about it.

I think I'm correct to say that the writers were deliberately replaying the premise of Season 1, Episode 10 Hi Society in Monstrous Ball. Both episodes revolve around the cotillion (at the beginning of 6x05 we are even reminded of the Season 1 cotillion by pictures from it), in both episodes Blair goes to the event with not-Chuck - in 1x10 it's Nate, in 6x05 it's Dan. In both episodes Nate and Dan respectively wants to win Blair back but doesn't really love her. In both cases Blair has made it clear that her companion at the ball attends her only as a friend. I believe that Blair in 1x10 really meant it when she emphasized to Nate that she goes with him only as a friend because later at the fitting session she didn't show any interest in Nate, and instead was absorbed with texting to Chuck. To me it means that Nate already had lost his hold over Blair. However, the outcome of Monstrous Ball for all involved parties is very different and this difference is meant to showcase how much Chuck and Blair have grown since Season 1.

I just want to clarify that I don't judge Chuck too hard for his scheming in 1x10 because he was very young, very jealous and very scared and as far as we know he didn't have any reason to think that he was something more to Blair than just a good sex, all he knew was that Blair had fixation on Nate since they were children. Not to mention Chuck's perception of himself as unworthy that caused him so many problems during the show. And I think he deserved a chance to explain his actions because he didn't scheme for his own enjoyment to ruin Blair's evening as Blair accused him to do. Still, Chuck's scheming backfired to him terribly and he ended up heartbroken.

Not so in Monstrous ball. Why was Chuck so calm about Blair attending the cotillion with Dan(and indeed with Dan living at her house)? It was not because Chuck had lost interest in Blair or that he cared more about taking down his father as Dan would like Blair to believe. On the contrary, Chuck's love for Blair had become stronger and more mature. Chuck himself had become older, wiser and stronger, unlike in 1x10, in 6x05 he knows that Blair loves him and, more importantly, he finally trusts her, he relies on her word and holds onto her promises. Therefore it doesn't matter to him anymore with whom Blair goes to the cotillion, Dan can't be a threat to him. The same goes for Blair - during the episode Dan constantly tries to manipulate Blair and sow doubts in her about her future with Chuck, like writing out Blair from Chuck's life in his Chuck chapter. And earlier such manipulations with Blair's insecurities might have worked but Blair too has become stronger and more confident and doesn't allow Dan to deter herself from what she knows is true. She not only loves Chuck, she knows herself, she knows what she wants and she trusts Chuck.

To me it's of principal importance - Chuck and Blair had love since Season 1, but they lacked trust both in themselves and in each other that combined with their individual psychological issues used to thwart their relationship. Not so anymore in Season 6. Chuck and Blair have grown up and left their trust issues in past, that allows them to react differently to similar challenges and therefore all Dan's attempts to break them up are doomed to fail.

In short, Monstrous Ball is a really good episode, and another proof that Chuck and Blair's happy ending was well founded.

[songsofbloodandwater]

Witchy ask game: 1, 5, and 10

How do you perceive time? is it linear or non-linear to you?

It depends! I think most of the time, when I'm in mundane settings, time feels very linear. Past-present-future, and action-consequence. When I'm engaged in magic work though, completely different perception. I adhere to something I call mythical time which is half a cyclical perception of time (or rather, like a spiral? inwards or outwards depends on what I'm doing...) and half everything happening all at once, like a singularity. It's what I've found explains best my experiences with Spirits and the Beyond, and also the understanding that allows me to find the right strings to pull when working to achieve my purposes.

5. Do you include technology in your craft? if so, how?

Not a lot. Mostly for archiving purposes. My tradition really doesn't get along with technological advances. Something as silly as replacing a fire flame with an electric candle just doesn't work for me, because the very thing that I find power in is the flame. Electricity in general feels like a wild card in magic. Sometimes you can direct it, if you have the right gifts and proper training, but I wouldn't say it's something easy to do, and I definitely wouldn't recommend it to a beginner. Other things, like digitalizing book pages and images, I'm totally OK with, as long as there is some other form of manual effort involved. I like physically putting my hands to work on things and I get the best results that way. There's also the fact that my Spirits are very, very strongly against any changes done to your craft solely because of imperialist or colonial (even neo-colonial) influences and that includes most "Modern" technologies that were introduced by force into our lives. There has to be a really good reason, and one specifically dictated by the Ancestors, for me to actually be allowed to get involved with any of it. They find a lot of it to does more harm than good, washing down the power of our work and loosing our true, deeper cultural ties. There's power in doing things like they did, even if slightly adapted to our times, as long as those adaptations are well justified.

10. What's Spirit? What's Consciousness? Are they the same to you or not?

This one got me thinking because sometimes I use them interchangeably, but I have to admit, they're not always the same. I'd say Consciousness is part of what Spirit is, but not the only one. Every Consciousness is a Spirit but not every Spirit is Conscious.

I'll put spirit grudges as an example. They are spirits, or at least, shards of spirits (but isn't a magnet still a magnet once it's shattered? huh...). They're, more often than not, not fully conscious, rather acting on reflex. I guess it's up to debate whether that reflex could be proof of a past consciousness, lost to erosions through time, but at present incapable of holding an individualized will, a whole will, of their own anymore. It's missing parts, internally. It's also missing it's original purpose as part of something bigger. It's lacking on both fronts. Making it just an echo of past acts. I do believe that, eventually, if very specific events take place, it could gain individualized will again and be considered "conscious"... but that's rare. And very intentional. It would require some other actually conscious thing to act on it. Regardless, it should still be treated as a Spirit and disposed of accordingly if it's causing troubles. It's essence doesn't change on that matter, even if it's shattered and incomplete. Does that make sense?

I'm still working to understand consciousness (given some of the cool findings science has had in the last few decades) but right as of now, it feels like something that naturally springs forth from matter, changes in structure and behavior directly in kind with the nature and complexity of said matter (I think... there could be different kinds of consciousness being present in different levels of complexity, much like other emerging qualities associated with complexity in biology? similar to what's described in the linked video) and apparently they have to do with our ability to communicate and move/act in relation to the parts that make us, and amongst ourselves as parts to a bigger whole. I also think spirit is part of what makes a consciousness, but not the only part.

Tysm for asking!! ♡