#The word reinvigorated is doing a lot of work here

[anthrofreshtodeath]

untitled drabble

clearly I’m still thinking about Jane and being bad.

—-

Jane lumbered out of the confessional booth in St. Joseph’s, her boots heavy against the well-worn tile as the wood of the seat creaked beneath her. Everything about the moment was so damn old, including her, she thought. She refused to think about the physical aches and pains that came with her exit because Maura had a concussion - a fucking brain bleed - and Nina had just gotten out of surgery, but she couldn’t block out that ancient catholic guilt, belonging to the generations of parishioners here before her and settling on her shoulders now.

Not her guilt - to be quite fair. No, she felt something far older, something that tingled in her fingers, dragging them to the holster on her hip. Perhaps that feeling was catholic, too. But the absence of guilt told her that here was where she needed to be. 

Told her she might be too far gone, and so she’d better get her ass to church, because she’d felt this way before, and it’d caused her to do some stupid things.

And forty years of guilt other people told her to feel, it aged her. If not in body, in spirit. How many times had the tang of vengeance singed the back of her tongue, only to be cut down by the icy deluge of admonishment? How many times had she been told that she felt too much, too often?

Now the tang was all she could taste, and the best she could do was stand before God ahead of time. Because like she told the priest, she hadn’t been to confession in years, and there was a lot to confess, but perhaps her grandest sin was standing in defiance of regret.

Not for what she planned to do now, anyway.

She marched right past the pews on her way out the heavy double doors, only breathing in when that chilly fall air settled on her face.

It’s not what I’ve done - it’s what I’m going to do.

She’d left an important part out. And that I might not make it to the other side of this. 

That, however, was a sin for another confessor, and Jane, craving nothing more than the Newports she used to chain smoke in junior college, prepared herself for more penance on her way to her car. 

Beacon Hill had been aptly named, because it called her. 

She released herself into the driver’s seat of the unmarked with a thud. When she closed her eyes for a bit of peace, to quiet the raging of all those thoughts before she turned the key in the ignition, she exhaled. Loud, unsteady. 

God she needed sleep.

But first, she needed to get to Maura.

So, she buckled up, blinked herself into wakefulness, helped by the light of the moon, and drove west to Beacon Hill from the North End. 

She’d made the trip a thousand times over the last five years; she barely needed eyes on the road. She used most of the time to think of what to say, or rather how to say it. She thought she’d just about got it right when she pulled up on Pinckney street, but it left her when she shuffled through the courtyard and turned her key in the lock.

Maura was standing there, back to Jane when Jane entered, still in the day’s black blouse and pink trousers. Still with the butterfly bandage on her head, in front of a sink with dinner’s dishes still soaking inside. Maura herself stared out the window, gripping the lip of the counter.

“H-hey,” was all that Jane could muster. She closed the door with respect, the latch clicking softly. The warm light of Maura’s front room caressed her, such a sumptuous affront to the dimness of St. Joseph’s. It almost burned away the murder in her. 

Almost.

“Hi,” Maura answered, but she never turned. “Where have you been? Your mother’s been looking for you.”

“I… hmm,” Jane did not expect the emotion that stifled her. She pushed through. “I went to church.”

“To church? What for?” Maura began to scrub.

“Confession,” said Jane when she brought herself over to the granite counter. She placed each hand on it, key ring still looped on her index finger, teeth biting into her palm as she pressed. She licked her lips - that is how the moment should feel, yes. Again, penance. The discomfort met the mood.

“Oh,” Maura acknowledged. There was a beat, like she would be too defeated by her own pain to ask about Jane’s. But then she cleared her throat. “Am I allowed to ask what you confessed?” It was quiet, timid.

And Jane hung her head.

Where was her Maura who, at the start of those five years, had winked at her and asked did you have a lot to confess to? Who had put sex into every syllable of that question? Sex and unequivocal joy? 

This Maura, run ragged by circumstance, by the violence in Jane’s orbit, barely allowed herself space in Jane. 

And that angered this Jane, hollowed out and filled up with nothing but rage and the animalistic fear of losing whatever iteration of Maura she could get.

She walked over to the sink, dropped her keys in her pocket, and put her face to the crown of Maura’s hurting head. It still smelled like flowers and fruit. “You’re allowed to ask things of me,” Jane whispered. She hoped Maura felt it like Jane felt strands of hair against her wet lips. The walls fell. “You’re allowed to demand things of me.”

Maura stiffened. There were long moments where she only tightened her grip on the counter and Jane only froze in place. But then. Then. “Tell me what you confessed.”

“That I wasn’t, hmm,” Jane found herself struggling to find the right words in light of Maura seizing her opportunity. “That I’m gonna-“

“That you’re going to kill Alice Sands,” Maura said.

“No,” Jane replied.

“Then tell me,” Maura ordered.

Jane’s old, tired heart thrilled. It beat faster, sending another impulse to her fingers. This time, she obeyed, wrapping them in Maura’s hair and tugging. 

Maura hissed when she went back, but Jane knew.

Jane knew that it wasn’t from pain. She moved her lips to Maura’s temple. “I’m gonna feel no regret when I put a bullet in her head,” she murmured. “I confessed that I’m gonna kill her and I’m gonna enjoy it. But there was somethin’ I left out.”

“Don’t make that mistake twice,” Maura turned her head so that her mouth danced on Jane’s as she spoke.

“Wasn’t a mistake,” Jane returned the favor. “I was savin’ it for you: I might have to give myself up to get that. To end her. But it’s a price I’d pay every time.”

Maura’s gaze narrowed, and Jane’s grip loosened, but they stayed close. And when Jane’s fingers, still in her hair, settled on the nape of her neck, she uttered one last command. “Well, make sure you don’t have to. Because I’m not god. I won’t forgive you if you do.”

And Jane, reinvigorated, nodded. 

[rising-volteccers]

Hiii hope you're having a great day! If you're still taking requests. Can you do a short fic with the prompt "you’re not getting rid of me that easily. " with Friede and Orla (platonic or romantic, your choice)

THANKS <33

Episode 18 still lives rent free in my mind so have another what if scene based on it! I've also become pretty fond of their ship too since learning of their connection so here you go! Hopefully it's an enjoyable read!

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Orla

--

Orla had been going through the somewhat dull, repetitive motions of her construction job until she received an unexpected visit from Friede. It appeared that he still had the habit of popping in and out of her life as he pleased, not that she minded too much. While they kept in touch ever since she moved to Hoenn, it became harder for them to see each other in person over time. Adulthood pretty much kept them busy so Friede’s unannounced visit while she was on the clock didn’t exactly pleased her but she supposed it was nice to see him again. 

That was until he made that outrageous request. Friede was a brilliant man in his own right but at times, she genuinely questioned what went on in his mind. 

"Are you an idiot?" Orla had blurted out in her surprise. Really, he wanted her to repurpose a fishing boat into a fully functioning airship? The first time in years they met up and he dropped that on her? Orla knew other engineers that would laugh him out of the room for coming up with such a preposterous idea. 

"Can you do it?" Friede responded instead in this mildly challenging tone. His expression, with that smirk and slight tilt of his eyebrows, spoke about the confidence he had in her skills. 

Orla tugged the brim of her hard hat down, took a deep breath before meeting his smirk with a grin of her own. “I’ll just have to try!”

For the first time in awhile, Orla felt excitement bubbling within her. Finally she had a good challenge to sink her teeth into. Her job offered her good pay but it didn’t provide her the mental stimulation she genuinely craved. She had full confidence in her skills as an engineer but lacked the opportunity to showcase it until Friede’s outlandish request.

Orla supposed that part of him never changed. Even back when they were kids, he made her life a lot more exciting. She supposed that was why she held a fondness for him that never faded even as distance kept them apart. 

She had to negotiate with her employer about using company equipment on what amounted to a personal project but she reached an agreement in the end. A part of her wondered whether they simply wanted to see whether she could pull this off. Orla wasn’t blind to the ridicule going on behind her back once word got around about this project.

Instead of letting their words get to her, it simply fueled the fire within her to prove her skills. Despite the seemingly spontaneous request, Friede didn’t actually came by unprepared. He showed her the basic layout of the airship he envisioned that Orla eventually ironed out into a functional design since he planned on flying this all around the world.

The construction itself took a couple of months. Orla worked on the project little by little–she still had to do her regular job but thankfully with reduced hours and lesser responsibility–day in and day out. She built around the Asagi, strengthening the foundation before expanding and adding new features.

Friede visited her from time to time as well. Building this airship meant nothing if he didn’t have the proper qualifications to fly it so he spent his days studying to earn himself a license, not to mention going through the process of legally flying through multiple regions. Each time he stated how impressed he was by the progress made, reinvigorating her to see this creation come to fruition. 

At last, after months of time, effort and resources sunk into this project, Orla unveiled the completed airship to Friede. Pleased as pie to see him thoroughly floored, she decided to act upon a thought she had whilst making the newly dubbed Brave Asagi. 

“Let me ride with you,” she said, leaning back against the railing. “The ship will need maintenance, right? I was just getting bored with my job.”

Orla realized that she wanted to see her creation in action. When she pictured flying high in the sky as they soared to new horizons, staying at a construction site became unappealing. While this project gave her plenty of headaches, it was the most fun she had ever since she became a fully fledged engineer. 

Besides, she doubt that Friede had the skill set to keep up with the airship maintenance. The idea of traveling together with him reminded her of their shared childhood too. 

Thus Orla joined the newly formed Rising Volt Tacklers. Together with Friede, Ludlow and Captain Pikachu, they’d travel around this vast world.

…or so she thought. They still had preparations to do before the Brave Asagi could embark on its maiden voyage. Orla had done the majority of her part so it rested on Friede in getting them approved for takeoff. She didn’t envy him at all when it came to all the paperwork he had to do. 

Just like how she’d seen him for the past week or so, during one calm afternoon, she popped into the meeting room to find him with his head on the table. Several stacks of paper were displayed in a semi circle around him. Captain Pikachu was nowhere to be seen, apparently having left his trainer to this nightmare on his own. 

“Knock knock,” she said by way of greeting. “I brought some lunch to ease your suffering.”

Friede raised his head, shooting her a grateful look. If she didn’t know any better, she thought there were tears in his eyes.

“Oh Orla you’re my hero. My savior.”

“Alright, laying on a little thick there,” Orla replied with an amused shake of her head. Friede eagerly accepted the offered paper bag. She got him his favorite sandwich from one of Slateport City’s many restaurants. 

While Friede dug into his lunch like a ravenous man, she ate her own portion in a slower pace. She waited until he was halfway through his sandwich before asking.

“So, how’s it going?”

Friede first washed down his current bite with the juice she also got. “It’s making me wanna tear my hair out but I wanna say that, barring a sudden new policy that makes everything here obsolete and I will cry if that happens, I should have the paperwork ready to be reviewed come next Monday.”

“I was about to make a comment but I decide to be nice instead and say that I’m sure things would go well. This is the last hurdle we need to get over before my baby’s fit to fly, yeah?”

Friede’s expression lit up. “Yeah! I’ve got my license and we’ve gone over the logistics of flying the Brave Asagi so many times that I’m having nightmares about it that when we get approved, we can finally leave Slateport.” 

Orla mimicked his grin. “I’m really looking forward to that day. I’m confident that this ship will fly but it’s different to actually see it happen, you know?”

“I get it. Like I fly around on Charizard but it’s going to be different when I steer this ship into the sky. You get to see what me and Cap see, too.”

Seeing his earnest smile, Orla sipped on her own juice to distract her from the mild warmth to her cheeks. She couldn’t hide her own smile, though. 

“I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful sight–unless it storms. At some point we’ll have to test the integrity of the shields. Those are new technology from Devon Corp and while I trust their products, it’ll be nice to see how it actually holds up.” Orla briefly narrowed her eyes at him. “This does not mean that I want us to fly straight into a storm anytime soon.”

“What do you take me for? Of course I’m not going to do that on our maiden voyage,” Friede replied, sporting a faint pout.”

“Good. If things break so soon, I will demand that payment from you.” The teasing threat made the pout deepen.

“You said that you didn’t need it so no take backsies.” Once he realized what slipped out of his mouth, Friede reddened slightly from embarrassment.

Orla, on the other hand, covered her mouth from the sudden burst of giggles. “Take backsies? I haven’t heard that since we were kids.”

“Well, you get what I mean.” Friede bit into his sandwich with more ferocity, as if the act of his chewing could ease his embarrassment.

She decided to take pity on him just this once. Admittedly, it made her a little? Giddy? That he hadn’t forgot stuff from their childhood. Orla knew that he struggled with his memory at times so knowing that something that they shared still remained in his mind was…

“You know, I think we’ll need more people,” Friede eventually spoke up.

“What, already thinking about replacing me? You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” she replied, entirely teasing him by this point.

“Don’t be ridiculous. No one can replace you Orla. You’re one of a kind.” The ease in which he said that left her briefly stunned, not that he noticed. “What I meant is that it’s realistically difficult to run the ship with the two of us. I’m not going to push Gramps into doing the hard work so we’ll be doing the bulk of it.”

Orla took a moment to ease her emotions before responding. “You’re right. What sort of roles do you want filled on the ship?”

“A cook for starters,” Friede replied, tapping a finger on the table’s surface. “You’ll be busy with the engine room while I steer the ship until we can reach the altitude to turn on auto pilot. I can do the cooking but depending on the sort of weather we face, meal time’s going to be all over the place.”

“True. I don’t think I can handle your cooking all the time anyway.” She flashed him a teasing smile at the wounded look he shot her. “Kidding but yeah, I vote for getting a cook. I’d also propose in getting someone with proper medical knowledge. Health is important, not to mention we don’t know what would happen during our travels. In case there’s an emergency and we’re far from the nearest health facility, having an on deck nurse or doctor is a must.”

“You’re right. While I could put out ads for it, a part of me just… want whoever that joins us is because they wanted to you know?”

Orla hummed, briefly closing her eyes. “I get what you mean. The Brave Asagi’s essentially going to be our base of operations. We’d want everyone to be on board, literally and figuratively, to keep it running smoothly.”

“Exactly but I also don’t wanna put too much burden on your shoulders…”

Here, Orla opened her eyes, fondness gleaming within them. It swiftly changed into a mildly challenging look, lips set into a grin. “Don’t worry your pretty little head there. Who did you think created this baby?”

Friede stared at her before wordlessly shaking his head. His mildly concerned look was replaced with a matching grin. “Course I know. It’s created by the greatest engineer I know!”

“Don’t you dare forget it! I’m all for finding new people for our crew but I want it to be natural, yeah? Maybe you’ll find folks to charm into joining.” Aside from me, she added privately.

“Nah, if someone’s going to lay on the charm, it’d be Cap! I mean, who could resist him?”

For a moment, Orla thought he meant someone else but she supposed that was to be expected with him. He wasn’t entirely wrong too. Cap had loads of charming potential.

“I suppose but before we discuss this more in-depth, I think someone should get back to his paperwork.”

Friede’s expression quickly fell as he stared at the stacks before him. Orla chuckled, rising from her seat to grab the wrappers so she could throw them away. 

“I’m sure you’ll get it done soon. Just think about how good it’ll feel when it gets approve and we’ll be soaring through the sky, yeah?” She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze.

Friede sighed, craning his neck back till he could look up at her. “Thanks Orla. Do you think you can grab dinner too later? Maybe from that nice seafood restaurant we went to last Saturday?”

Orla rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Alright, I’ll continue to play errand girl a little while longer just because you’re working hard.”

“Thanks Orla, you’re the best!” Even if she tried to keep her expression neutral, she found herself smiling regardless at the wide beam he shot her. She just about resist the impulsive desire to ruffle his hair.

Instead, she held out her hand towards his. Friede’s beam impossibly grew larger as he responded by performing the handshake they’ve created back when they were kids. 

Now it served as their connection in being members of the Rising Volt Tacklers.

[vixovavalentine]

ENTOMBED (Part 8)

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NOTE: LEMONS CHAPTER! You've been warned! Also I don't own Jujutsu Kaisen or any characters or anything. Please don't steal my work. That's rude.

Trigger Warnings: LEMONS. LEMONS. Fear of Heights Anyone?🍋

18+ Only Please

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Sometimes life is strange. One minute your thinking life is going in one direction. Then just as you've felt your comfort and confidence kick in, the rug gets pulled right from under you.

No words left your mouth as you sat there, frozen stiff. As if the moment you heard his voice, your eyes had to confirm what you already knew. There Gojo stood before you, arms crossed in all his glory. No Nanami or Nobara or even Megumi to ease the tension. It was almost as if the minute you realized it was him, that same surge of electricity from mission washed over you. He hadn't even touched you, he hadn't done anything, except stand there with that smug look on his face. Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you tried to shake yourself out of your shock.

How do I even approach this? What do I say? What is he going to say? God dammit woman get it together!

Gojo just stood there smirking as if he was waiting for something.

Come on Y/N. Say something! You shouted to yourself in your head. After a few moments you finally blurted out.

"Where is everyone else?"

"That's what you have to say?" Gojo just asked plainly. Your cheeks slightly flushed as tried to keep your nerve in tact.

"Well yeah I-"

Gojo let out a small puff of air and looked as if he was playfully annoyed with your question.

"Nanami is with the others, they're off on a mission somewhere. Don't remember where, don't care where."

"So then what am I doing here?"

"Like I said, we're having our talk." Gojo replied smoothly leaning over your desk to tower over you.

"S-So Nanami knows I'm training with you today?" This closeness made your face flush even more and almost stammer your words.

"Talking so much about Nanami.." Gojo trailed off. "Did you stammer like this in front of him too? Shift uncomfortably in your seat? I wonder.." He tapped his chin playfully.

You couldn't help the heat that was forming on your face from his mock interrogation.

"Wonder what?"

"Has he gotten as close to you as I did that day?"

"N-no. I-I.."

"You-You? What? A lot can happen in three days Y/N?"

The way he said your name. He was teasing you. Leaning more into you. Your noses just a slight inch or two away. The closer he moved to you, the more the electric feelings ignited. Anxiousness, Curiosity, and even though you hated to admit it.. lust built up inside of you.

Come back to reality! Your brain shouted at you trying to break you from whatever spell Gojo was using on you.

"N-Nothing happened." You proclaimed as confidently as you could.

"Mmm-Hmm. Good. You know, fraternizing with a member of staff is off limits." Gojo held up a finger and shook it to you with a mock disapproving look.

Is he serious right now? Isn't that what he's trying to do with me? Where is he going with this?

You sat silently, feeling heavy from the electricity between you and also from the lack of understanding Gojo's words. You couldn't tell where he was going with any of this. One moment he seemed almost jealous of Nanami, teasing you. Now he's acting like a teacher?

"I--" You started saying until Gojo interrupted you.

"Because that would be bad." Still shaking his finger at you.

"As I was saying I wo-" You tried to interject.

"And inappropriate."

"Can you please let me fin-"

"For someone like Nanami."

Gojo smiled big and used the finger he was shaking at you to use it to gently tilt your chin to him.

"But I'm not Nanami." He whispered, His fingertip on your chin. The touch, the feeling that you had spent three days dissolving was reinvigorated through you once again. Making your already flushed cheeks more predominant.

"Wha-What are you saying Gojo?" you stammered unsure of what he was trying to say.

Gojo smirked, then minute you blinked, it was as if you'd found yourself in a new reality.

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The brightness of the Blue sky was the only thing that you could see around you besides the clouds that where slowly hovering by.

"Wha-" you started to say looking around you franticly.

You both were no longer in the classroom. One minute you were sat in your seat with Gojo leaning so close to you, the next you where almost in the sky. For a moment you had though Gojo had put you in his domain again, until you realized, you where on top of a tall tower.

"Gojo what the hell!" You felt yourself pinned to the ground in fear from how high up in the air you were.

Gojo just stood there leaning over you smirking.

"Just getting a bit more privacy, that's all."

"We were alone in class!" You tried finding anything around you to hold your place.

"Relax you won't fall off. Besides, If you died we wouldn't be able to finish our chat now would we?"

"W-What are we even here to talk about?" You finally shouted to him.

"This."

Gojo grabbed his blindfold and removed it from his face. Revealing his eyes to you once again. You had become a bit more accustomed to the sight now, but it still took your breath away. For a moment, the sight forced you to regret your fear of heights and it soothed you, until you felt the wind sweep your hair. Shoving his blindfold in his back pocket he kneeled in front of you to be level with your face.

"Your eyes? That's what we're up 50 stories to talk about?"

"No, It's to talk about what they do to you."

You clenched your legs together almost immediately. It embarrassed you, how much his words were making you feel so...lewd. All you could do was turn your head slightly, feeling your cheeks regain their warmth. You couldn't help but be annoyed at yourself, and at how good he was able to read you.

Fuck. He can see right through me.. or maybe he's bluffing.

"I don't know what your talking about." You tried to lie.

"You don't? Well that's funny-" Gojo smiled crawling closer to you.

"Because I vaguely remember.." Gojo was almost on top of you now climbing over you, forcing your back almost to the ground. You were only slightly holding yourself up by your elbows.

"You wanting to kiss me." He smiled, eyes baring into you.

"Didn't you just say, That fraternizing with staff is wrong and inappropriate?" you whispered. Feeling Gojo's sweet breath hit your face again.

"For someone like Nanami." Gojo whispered into your ear.

"But like I said, I'm not Nanami."

Before you could speak, Gojo pressed his lips into yours and you melted instantly. The feeling, the electricity, the anxiousness. It all came up when your lips met. The kiss was intense, fiery, and you had no idea still what it meant. All you knew was you wanted it. You wanted this, and the feeling it gave you. It was intoxicating. Your hands ran through his soft white locks, one of his hands cupped your face, the other gently tugging your hair. Your tongues dancing around each other.

"Gojo.." You softly moaned as you broke from the kiss.

"Hmmm." Gojo hummed to you. Slowly running his hand up your shirt.

"G-Gojo.. we can't. You're my t-teacher." You moaned as he started to leave kisses on your neck and started to massage your breast.

"So you don't want this?" Gojo stopped his kisses and peered down to you, his lips slightly red and swollen from the kiss you shared.

"I didn't say that.." You panted softly.

"Then you DO want this?" He smiled raising an eyebrow at you.

"I'm just saying-"

"Do you want this or not Y/n? Let's be fucking clear here."

"But-"

"Don't give me that teacher-sensei bullshit Y/N. We both know that went out the window days ago."

Your breathing was still heavy and your body was screaming at you to continue, but you weren't sure what this was with Gojo.

"I want it, but I don't know what this is Gojo."

"You think I do?" Gojo just looked down at you, now slowly massaging your breast again, lightly flicking your hard nipple making you wince.

"I don't know what this is." Gojo whispered as he began to trail his hand from your breast to the hem of your skirt. "But I wouldn't mind finding out."

Gojo's hand slid into your skirt and under your panties. Slowly making it's way towards your sex. You shook from excitement.

" It's just-" you tried to say as Gojo's fingers found their way to your wet slit and started gently massaging your clit.

"Just what?" Gojo teased. "Just I'm you're Sensei? But that doesn't bother you does it?"

"Gojo." you moaned gripping your hands around Gojo's shoulders. Your grip tightening the faster he massaged you.

"No, of course not because here you are. Underneath me, letting me rub your sweet little clit. "Gojo panted, as you pressed into him you could feel his length through his pants. Almost instinctively you let one of your hands trail to his stiff length and started to massage it through his clothes.

"Fuck. That feels good." Gojo grunted as he felt you massage him. "I'm so hard for you... Fuck. Do you feel that? That's how hard I've been thinking about you. I've spent days just thinking about this."

All the denying, all the reluctance was out the window now. He was your sensei but here he was. On top of you, massaging your clit so good and the feeling of his hard cock pressed so tightly against his clothes. You wanted it, you craved it. You were caving to the lust you felt and you knew it. For the sake of decently, you tried to be reluctant but the electricity, the feelings you couldn't fight them anymore. It was all so intoxicating.

"Gojo.." You whined feeling yourself begin to boil with pleasure.

"Yeah baby. Tell me. What is it? What do you need?" Panting Gojo felt your wetness and stroked you faster.

"I'm...fuck...Gojo I-" Your body was practically grinding into Gojo with every stroke of your clit.

"What do you want baby?"

"I.....mmph...I want you....Gojo."

Smiling, Gojo kept up pace. "Undo my pants for me baby."

As quickly as you could, you undid Gojo's trousers and pulled his boxers down past his hips. His hard, thick cock, sprung out of his pants almost immediately. Removing his hand Gojo sat up, removed his shirt, and then started to help you undo your skirt.

"If you want to stop, say so now. Because I'm not stopping past this point." He panted, his muscles constricting with anticipation.

"I don't want to stop." You whispered in a labored breath and undid your skirt sliding it down with your panties leaving your bottom half exposed to him. He then helped you remove your top and your bra and quickly tossed them aside.

"Fuck." Gojo hissed taking in the sight of you laying there ready for him. "You look so good baby. So fucking good." Gojo leaning over you, began sliding the tip of his cock over your wet slit, making you shiver.

"Gojo.. Please.." you moaned.

"Since you asked so nicely." Gojo panted, positioning himself outside of your slick wet entrance and slowly began to thrust into you.

At first it felt so painful it made you wince. Your nails dug into the sides of his arms from the twinges of pain you felt. The pain from taking him in and being stretched by his hard cock was excruciating but only for a moment. With each thrust you began to feel that overwhelming pleasure again and you wrapped your arms around Gojo's shoulder as he thrusted deeper and deeper into you.

"Fuck baby." He grunted. "You feel so good for me."

"Gojo....mmph...fuck.." You began to moan loudly.

Gojo's hips were smacking into you hard. His thrusts were merciless as he slammed into you.

"Fuck baby, you're so tight. God it feels so fucking good."

The feeling was so much, you whined and moaned at the sight of Gojo on top of you, just plowing into you over and over again. His lean muscled frame pumping into you. You tried to keep gripping onto his shoulders but he shoved your shoulders down and grabbed both of your legs, one on each shoulder and started slamming into you deeper than before.

The sensation was so much that it was sending you over the edge. Your eyes rolled back into your head and you began to scream.

"Gojo...I'm...fuck...!" You were so close, you felt your cunt squeeze him as he pounded you.

"I'm close baby.." Gojo panted. His thrusts becoming more frequent and hard. "Come with me."

Almost as if he willed it, you came; screaming. Feeling your juices coat his hard length. The sensation was so much you felt yourself constrict around him. Gojo then quickly removed his cock from inside you and sprayed his warm cum on your body.

================================================

You both had dressed yourselves, before Gojo had warped you both back to your dorm room. The whole interaction left you at a loss for words. This "talk" had turned into well.. something that defiantly wasn't a talk. Gojo took a seat on your bed as you stood there. Unsure of what to say. You felt something for him. You couldn't deny that now. But what was it? Was this just it? Was it sex? Or was it more? Seeing him sitting there, smirking at you with his blindfold on, on your bed made you feel so... Unsure of your feelings. Nanami had warned you, Gojo was interested in what Gojo wanted but you were almost sure he felt something too.

"So.." You started to speak, unsure of what to say after such an event.

"So.." Gojo just kept smirking his head resting on his knuckles.

"What was that?"

"I think I just fucked you into oblivion."

My God.

Your face went red again from the directness of his answer.

"You know what I mean Gojo." You turned your head trying to hide your flush.

Sighing Gojo realized you wanted a bit more of an explanation from him. "Listen, I don't know what this is." Gojo pointed to you then to himself. "But there's something here. I think we both know that."

Looking down, you nodded. You couldn't deny that. There was something between you and Gojo but what you weren't certain.

"Until we know what this is.. Let's keep this between us." you whispered softly.

Rising from your bed Gojo took a few steps towards you and gently pressed you against the wall.

"Since you asked so nicely." He whispered into your ear and pressed you into another kiss.

Whatever this was, this was trouble. You could feel it.

[earlgreytea68]

okay so i have fallen headfirst back into fob w smfs and having that album drop coinciding w finally being in a place where I can just! buy tickets!! and see them on tour!! And i did and it was AMAZING

part of falling back into this has been lurking on fob/peterick blogs again the way I did back in HS, and yours brings me so much joy! what a lovely community you’ve cultivated here, and i adore your fics sm as well—I’m systematically working my way through each one

so a lot of love your way <3 i do need a bit of a second opinion though—I’ve been working myself up over trying to figure out if I can see them again while they’re touring for smfs. There’s a part of me that worries that this might be the last album—the same part that was the most upset when they were touring for MANIA and i couldn’t make that show. SO i would love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts re whether my fears hold any water—or if you think I should chill out, enjoy the ride of keeping up w this tour, and be secure in the fact that our boys aren’t going anywhere any time soon

Hello! First of all, yay, welcome back, and thank you so much for all of your kind words!

I know that there were a ton of rumors this was going to be their last album and they were going to call it quits after this, but having heard the album and watched them promote it and then seeing this tour they're putting on...it seems so unlikely to me???? They just don't act like a band who's done, who doesn't have anything more to say. Like, when Patrick talks about Fall Out Boy he's so very clear that it's, like, necessary for him to have, that it's the art and creativity that he does because of how much he loves it, not a job, and it would seem weird for him to talk that way, so vocally, if there was any inkling in his head that this would be the last time he would have it, you know?

And Pete has been the less vocal one this cycle, and we know he was the one who was reluctant to do another album and undertake another tour, but he has seldom seen so genuinely happy as he has during this tour, he seems to be loving every second of it.

And Joe came back and also seems delighted to be back.

Idk, I do not get the feeling of a band with any intention of winding down. They feel completely reinvigorated and reinspired and ready to go. It would not at all surprise me if they're already writing the next one, we know Patrick and Pete like to write while on tour. And I think they've really enjoyed being out of contract and having total control back, I really think it has opened up the horizons of what they want to and can do. Plus their fanbase has turned out for them loyally and so I don't think they are getting any kind of message that they're not wanted or needed anymore.

So Idk, I think in my heart of hearts there will be another album and another tour eventually someday.

All of that said, there will probably be people who will disagree with this life advice, and please always do what's best for you and your financial situation and life situation, but also: life is short, and uncertain. I didn't get into Fall Out Boy until the Mania tour was just wrapping up, and they announced they were going to play a random festival in Cincinnati and I agonized over going and finally decided to do it and I have to be frank, that weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best weekends of my life, I think about all the time how wonderful it was, the show was incredible, and it was the last concert I saw before the pandemic hit and I spent all of that time just being so incredibly grateful that I'd gone to that Cincinnati concert because otherwise I would have regretted it forever.

If you are in the incredibly lucky and privileged position to be able to afford to do something that you really want to do, and doing so will not bankrupt you or send you into a debt crisis or harm previous commitments you need to keep or, etc., etc., like, if the only argument you can come up with against doing something is "Idk, would this be ridiculous????," Idk, I think I'd err on the side of doing the thing. That's not just advice for Fall Out Boy concerts. You get to do this life thing once, and it goes by so much faster than you can possibly anticipate. If something's going to bring you joy, that's pretty precious. Take it where you can get it.

[the-trans-folk-witch]

An untimely intro: Numb and hollow

Howdy folks!👋

This “blog” or cringey tumblr page is a battle cry at best- maybe a cry for help at worst. A plague of words ensues…

Grammar, punctuation and clever wording misses me despite being educated on writing formal statements/grants at a postgraduate level 🤡. Enjoy the occasional plot twist, gobsmack, misplaced comma, and tone-deaf emoji use. This “blog” is a mix of occult texts, free books, zines, and works made by me and others. It is a crossroads of formalities and comedic slander. And the occasional look into my thoughts.

I’m sure anyone reading this already knows me from Instagram and my now late podcast of the same name as this blog. So I won’t waste your time reintroducing myself and my goals. You know my brand, and roughly, my views despite how they may have changed since we last spoke. My goal here is to write more and slowly ease into the release of my first book and my second zine. I want to relive my edgy tumblr days with a more anarchistic approach than before. I invite you to join me. maybe this will help me learn how to avoid run-on sentences… or what fonts the public will judge me for using. (Comic sans girlies rise up). Perhaps I’ll learn to use parentheses and dashes correctly for once. Time will tell.

Now that I’ve fed you an over-cooked appetizer, let’s move on to the meat of the discussion. This is an update on my writings of the Guardian Angel and the other texts I have been forming. It has been a year in the making and hopefully I will be done with it this summer. It will not be long. It is a free book styled to appear as a cheesy church pamphlet. It is UPG laced with the some dogma from the Catholic church and the occasional hint of Protestant revivalist churches from the hills. I plan to reinvigorate the use or relation to the Holy Guardian Angel (HGA) in a roundabout way that incapsulates my own practice while leaving room for yours. I want it to be used as a guide, But not as a Bible. Hopefully it will come across as well as I intend for it to. It has been harder than I imagined.

Now for the long term plans for this blog. As of now, my podcast is on hold. So consider this it’s child despite the difference between my written voice and my informal speaking voice. The podcast is canned. Possibly forever. I may come back to it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe years from now. I’m sure you all caught onto that. I have removed most every episode. The only ones available are ones that I had friends guest star in. Thank you to all of you who helped me become who I am today in this community. Even though as of now my following is only 500-600 people, it’s bigger than I’ve ever been anywhere before. I’m rather private. In fact that’s why I’ve removed most of my podcast. As many have been told, I have been receiving a lot of hateful messages from terfs and neo-pagans. Topics such as transphobia and anti-folk-catholic shit has taken over my inbox on many platforms. However, this is not the only reason I’m stepping back from my podcast. I recently graduated from school and I am working on my career. I have decided to make myself less accessible to the public for my mental health but also to focus on privatizing my practice. I want to revolutionize my followers and to have proper discussions surrounding witchcraft that make people uncomfortable. I want an interaction that my podcast could not allow. I want to write in lengths and words that Instagram does not allow. I feel as though I’ve lost my voice since my early college days when I wrote daily. I hope to strengthen my bonds with those I’ve met online while closing myself off to those who I do not trust. Making a public blog is not the way to go about that I’m aware. But who uses tumblr? 😂. This is a starting place. I may one day put a price tag on my writing. Definitely for my other books and zines I have been working on this past year. But until then, enjoy my ramblings.

Dialogue is always welcome. Oh, and don’t make a fumblr account just for me. My blog is accessible on a browser without a log in. I’m not chasing likes. I’m just typing into the void.

The trans folk witch, out ✌️ 💋.

[bobsfic]

Do we know if Jiara July is happening this year? I feel like this fandom needs that sort of pick me up soon lol.

Can’t wait to read the new project you have been working on, it sounds like its going to be great!!! Would kill for a sneakpeak :)

i'm not sure!! i haven't heard anything and personally i don't know if i could partake in something so large again this summer LOL and i know it's a lot of work to organize as well. maybe in 2025?! i do feel like an event on a slightly smaller scale could be fun and reinvigorate the fandom a bit though. any ideas?!

ahhh thank you thank you! here's a lil (unedited) sneak peek :) would love to hear what you think!

Kiara hears him before she sees him. The deep pitch of his laugh, the way his breath catches when he’s truly amused and not just putting on a show, trying to be the center of attention. She has no idea why he would be here of all places, but deep in her chest something leaps to its feet, coming back to life after years of silence.

She doesn’t want to, tries desperately not to in fact, trying to focus on the girl she’s been chatting up for the past half hour, the burn of alcohol down her throat when she throws back the rest of her drink. The girl raises her eyebrows, the barest suggestion of a smirk on her glossy lips, and normally Kiara would be all in, game for a night of fun.

But then she hears it again. That laughter. And it takes her back to her childhood, sun kissed skin and sandy feet, bright smiles and the crashing of waves. Warm hands on her hips, chapped lips on hers, lying tangled together in her childhood sheets. 

His steady voice in her ear spilling words she doesn't want to hear. Her fingers going numb as she presses her phone to her ear, tears clogging her throat. 

[thournewrites]

Progress Report 4/12/23

tldr; I'm back to writing, life can't keep me down -insert inspirational speach to those also going through it- I've made tons of changes to Emeralds to create a more solid foundation story wise and technically for moving forward in the story and am truly going to take time to write and try and get my work published and a huuuuge thank you to everyone who's been supporting <3

I’m back! Have I fixed the things that have kept me from writing? No, but I have decided I don’t care about the anymore because life’s too short to let certain things bring me down, yesterday cannot be changed, but tomorrow is yet to be written and all that-

And speaking of writing-

I’m going to get back to doing progress reports for The Price of Emeralds, I’m going to do them bi-weekly for now at the end of the so that I don’t overwhelm myself.

I have done SO MUCH changing in the first few chapters, and I'm not done yet. The thing that was slowing me down so much was that I was having trouble with the stats and what I really wanted them to mean. I've changed lots of terminology, added some new bits to the stat screen am working on balancing them a little better so that as I move forward while writing I have a good foundation. IT WAS A LOT OF WORK I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO LIE OH MY GOD. *ahem*

To those who have been messaging me and sending me kind words thank you so much I really don't have the words, it's a big part of what made me really sit down and look this project in the face and force myself to address the things that were keeping me from moving forward with it.

In non Emeralds writing news, I think I’m going to reinvigorate ‘Ugh Not Again’ that story that I was posting on Tapas and do it as a short story ( with the hopes of eventually publishing 🤞)

I'm going to probably be taking down my official website for now because I barely use it and I feel like I might try out Ko-fi for anyone who wants previews, extras and to support. I'll also try and post here more just to keep people in the loop.

I'm not ready to update my changes yet, still have a few things I want to work on and have play-tested it a bit but I'm excited! Nothing in this project is set in stone yet, so please be prepared for changes so that when I do finish it, The Price of Emeralds is the best work that I could produce!

Thank you all again for the support and I look forward to seeing you in the next progress report!

Here's a little bite of what I've been adding in

[lampmanliveblogs]

Excerpt All of this eventually lead to the present, where Artemis was struggling to hide his wheezing breath from Butler so the bodyguard wouldn’t hear that his principal was slowly dying from walking uphill. He swore to himself that once they got back home he’d actually start working out in the gym like he kept telling Butler he was doing. Right after he had finished the super laser he was building.

As he finally reached the top of the slope, he spotted what it was they had come there for. In a small clearing stood several stone pillars and walls surrounding… something.

Reinvigorated at the prospect of a mystery to solve, Artemis picked up the pace and soon found what was at the center of the ruins. A round, sky-blue crystal platform. This was what he was here to investigate.

Synopsis Artemis is investigating an alien artifact giving off weird dimensional energies ("bad vibes," as Qwan and No. 1 put it) when a magic boy shows up to complicate things.

Steven is looking for a corrupted gem when he runs into a pale boy and a large man doing some science stuff on a warp pad.

How does the fairy world of Artemis Fowl and the alien adventures of Steven Universe clash? Read and see!

Fandoms: Artemis Fowl, Steven Universe Rating: Teen and up Words: 5 300 Warnings: Blood mention (not a lot, but it's there), References to Swedish media you haven't heard of Relationships: Artemis Fowl II & Steven Universe Characters: Steven Universe, Artemis Fowl II, Domovoi Butler, Angeline Fowl, Artemis Fowl Senior, Holly Short, Foaly Additional Tags: Crossover, Post-The Atlantis Complex, Post-Steven Universe Future

Author's Notes I decided to go back to update and make some edits to this one. One thing led to another and I basically rewrote the entire thing. Most of the story's the same, but I expanded on some things, fleshed out some details, and fixed a bunch of awkward sentences.

I also changed the title because I realized I didn't like "Artemis Fowl: The Magic Boy" anymore. That ampersand makes all the difference, lemme tell you.

You'll also notice that Vinyáya is alive in this, even though she died in The Atlantis Complex. This is because when I first wrote this story, I forgot that she died in that book. Whoops.

And for the followers of my liveblog: Yes, there are references to The Owl House in this.

[mcuntainbcrn]

Exhausted…that was the perfect word to describe how she felt in that moment, threadbare but somehow still reinvigorated by the fresh memory of whom all this effort was for - several video conferences today with representatives from Fontaine, Snezhnaya, and Natlan, and the in person meeting with the Inazuman idol those in marketing were so keen on collaborating with in between all of that; today had to be tight, with no margin for error to speak of.

If the day went well, she would celebrate by drinking herself to unconsciousness, and hopefully enjoy the kind of dreamless sleep only alcohol seemed to provide her with; even if she hated being still or taking a pause, she knew that if she didn’t force it, her body would pick a day for her and then there was no telling how long she would be down for at that point, and she couldn’t afford that with what she was planning.

Today was definitely not one she could work remotely, and anytime she had to go into the office, she donned a three piece suit, immaculately tailored, and while she didn’t know the first thing about hair, even if dipping into the funds made her stomach threaten to wretch, it was important that she be perceived as professional; a quick phone call had a stylist summoned to her private residence and her hair secured in a tight bun, with only a few strands allowed to sweep over the perimeter of the eye patch she paired with the suit vest.

About as good as it was going to get, really.

The first meeting of many was at 7am on the dot, which was a lot of back and forth about regulations, sourcing materials and miners locally rather than sending in international workers, ethics and standards, contractual parameters and standing firm despite pushback in regards to the financial implications; even during the video conference, she was already reading ahead on the notes regarding the in person assembly.

Raiden Hayate…a quick look over his dossier told her what she needed to - physically attractive, rather larger fanbase with an age ranges across the board, collaborating with him would undoubtedly be lucrative, but still…there was much that could be lost in translation between words on a page and an actual person; and as though summoned by the passing thought, her secretary’s voice came through her intercom announcing their arrival - so it hadn’t merely felt as though the call had been running long…they were running over and, if nothing else, the Raiden group at least were punctual.

“Send them in - we’re just about done here.” there we’re immediate sputters of protest through the speakers as the doors to her office opened and an small entourage entered the space, “I’m afraid that you are not only out of time, but that you’re cutting into time allotted to others…I may have to rethink colluding with Snezhnaya going forward; you have my terms - good day to you, gentlemen.” a press of a button ended the call immediately, and the tap of another had the screen retracting into the ceiling and the curtains opening to allow natural light to filter into the space, “I do appreciate timeliness…welcome; I am M. G. Stein, please make yourselves comfortable.”

Considering how badly the day could have turned with the mood that his mother had been in since early that morning, overall, it wasn't that bad as he finally flopped onto the surface of his bed with a soft groan, Niwa's voice fading away into the background as he closed his eyes and let his tired body just freely throb with the pain of the days activities. He already knew though, that the chance of him actually sleeping were next to null, but at least the next day was looking pretty free. "Hmm what?", with a little effort, Hayate pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, watching as Niwa paused in his pacing. "...you weren't paying attention to anything I was saying, where you?". A sheepish grin is given as a reply, before their phones buzzing catches both of their attention, Hayate falling back down on his bed after he read the message. There went his free time, not that it should have been much of a surprise.

"Can we kill Zandik and make it look like an accident yet?". He was only half joking, Niwa giving a small shrug, "...maybe? I now have work to do...", he continued muttering away to himself as he walked off, a small meow being the next sound to draw Hayate's attention, the idol picking up Nahida, flicking through his phone to the picture he'd taken earlier that day. She really was appearing everywhere... or maybe he was just slightly more paranoid than usual due to haven't slept much for a few days now. "Seems like it's just us two now", he turned on the tv as he curled up in his blankets with the small white kitten, lazily beginning to flick through the channels. Honestly, he was half aware he'd no doubt just use the sound as background noise and end up playing one of his games or something at this rate, but he had to at least go through the ritual of attempting to get some shut eye.

Allowing Nahida to play with his fingers, he was beginning to feel sleepy enough that maybe the exhaustion would win out over the insomnia for a change - before a familiar face caught his attention, Hayate sitting slowly upright as he paused in his pointless channel surfing. That was her. A younger version of her, sure, but that was the same woman, and now, thanks to this sports channel, he had her name too. Where had he heard the name Stein before? Hadn't Zandik been saying something about some collaboration with them? Fallen star...he couldn't help but wonder what may have happened, pulling Nahida silently into his lap as he paid attention to the show.

It felt a little wrong, for her history to be displayed before him like this, well at least how the media knew of the events, but that came with the fame, he guessed. Ame might actually know more about what happened, a yawn passing his lips as he finally switched off the screen, frowning as he gazed up at the ceiling. That degree of a tragedy had happened in her life - and seemed to be well known too. His own had been buried with the help of so many complications, but he'd rather that than to have his private trauma displayed for the world to see. No wonder she said she didn't pay attention to the media - yet was he any better? Scrolling through websites for reports on the murders to have happened, looking for even small bits of information about the woman. He was turning into one of his fan girls at this rate. With a sigh, he tossed his phone off to one side.

"...she really is just popping up everywhere. If I was the religious type, I'd have said it was some type of sign or some other type of bullshit", he spoke to Nahida, who yawned as a means of a reply, thin rays of sunlight starting to sneak their way inside his bedroom. It really didn't make too much sense why she'd managed to leave such a lasting effect on him, but hopefully it faded soon enough.

[clairecrive]

Hi could we please get a really angsty fic with nikolai (with a happy ending pls) where reader and he has had a fight so they maintain the facade on the outside bc they're royals but in private it's just ignoring each other/angst?

Young Royals

A/N: ahh, this is angsty alright but it seems I'm only capable of writing hurt/comfort lately. This took a life of its own and it's long af but I hope you like it anyway x

Warnings: miscommunication, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Nikolai is a bit absent, you're a bit jealous of his relationship with Zoya

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @pansysgirlfriend , @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep,@lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld,@thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020,@partiesandblurrypolaroids, @edithsvoice, @wafflesandschemingfaces (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

"Do not put words into my mouth, Nikolai."

"Please, you already have so many, my love," he scoffed and the use of the term of endearment hurt the most.

"You're making me sound like a brat while I'm providing you with a viable solution," you insisted with a flare of your hands, frustrated by his unwillingness to listen to you.

"No, you're not. What you're doing is being childish."

"I'm your queen, Nikolai. I'm only asking to be more involved."

"You're my wife, y/n, and you know nothing about politics or running a country." He retired, putting emphasis on wife. This felt a lot like being put into place. And the fact that it was your husband doing so, hurt. It was also the most you had seen him this week.

"Neither did Zoya, nor Genya or anyone who's currently running the country."

"That's different and you know it."

"Only because you're making it so," you exclaimed finally exploding. His despondency got on your nerves and this conversation was going nowhere anyway.

Surprised by your raise of voice, Nikolai stood before you just blinking at you.

Sighing, you took a step toward him, holding your hands up, "look, you're right, I don't know about running a country but teach me. I'm not stupid, I'll pick it up."

"Why are you insisting so much? You've never shown any interest in politics before." He gave you a puzzled look like he didn't really believe your intentions.

"I've never wanted to be queen before." before meeting you.

"Ah, I see," he chuckled mirthlessly, "I put you in this situation and now you're taking your revenge."

To insinuate that your marriage with him was you "being put into a situation" rather than a consensual decision you had made out of love was absurd.

Nikolai was right. You had never cared about politics or diplomacy before meeting him. You were a soldier. There was no reason for you to meddle with something that didn't concern you.

But now you were queen and you felt a responsibility towards your people. You wanted to help but so far, Nikolai hadn't allowed you to take part in any meetings. He said that anyone who needed to be there was already involved. What he didn't tell you was that while Grisha made excellent soldiers and even good councillors, one of them being a royal was a very different matter.

He had indulged his love for you by marrying you. You were his vice and he simply couldn't accept the idea of being without you anymore. He had married you, consequently making you queen, going against what his advisors told him.

While he ignored his warnings he was painfully aware, however, how difficult it was going to be for a Grisha on the throne. It was the first time something liked this had ever happened and unfortunately, the country was filled with people who resented Grisha for their powers.

Nikolai feared that the people were never going to accept you. Hence why he'd been keeping you secluded in the palace.

To be fair, you were doing a wonderful job. Like he had pointed out, you were not accustomed to politics but you made up for that with empathy and kindness. You started to interest yourself with the problem of poverty and lack of provisions for some parts of the country.

And while no one was aware of it, Nikolai often turned to you for military strategy. You were an apt soldier and had fought bravely alongside him and everyone else in the battle of the Fold. You were the very reason why he was still alive, to be honest.

While this arrangement worked for the first months of your reign, it was starting to feel an inadequate effort. You needed to do more, you wanted to do more. You didn't expect Nikolai to oppose it so vehemently.

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be, Nikolai, you'd do well to remember it," you pointed out coldly, straightening your spine.

"Since you seem so adverse at spending time with me or including me in important matters, I'll find someone else who will." And with that, chin held high, you walked out of the room.

You missed him. It felt absurd to say this but you missed your husband. He was always busy with meetings or official visits to some noble across the country. For most of them, he went alone or with Zoya.

You knew that she was his first in command but you couldn't help but be bothered by it. It was one thing to accept the fact that he hadn't given the role to you "because the queen cannot have that role as well", it was a whole other thing to accept the fact that another woman spent more time with your husband than you did.

Countless were the fights you had with him in this regard. But they were pointless. Nikolai was still set on not bringing you and he and Zoya were always found together.

You didn't know what hurt more. The blow at your pride for being denied a position you deserved because of who you loved, the jealousy or being punished for your identity.

One thing was sure though, it was getting too much. At first, you pulled thought for Nikolai but now that you didn't have him anymore, your efforts seemed to be in vain.

So, like you had told Nikolai, you looked for someone who was willing to teach you. You wanted to help and if Nikolai wasn't going to let you here at the palace, then you'd find somewhere else.

Count Kirigin had always been nice to you and he was a very generous host. You knew that he played a central role in Nikolai's plan so you thought that there was no one better than him.

You reached out to him, wrote him a letter in which you showed interest in his activity and asked him if he was willing to show you. Of course, anything that came from the queen or the king couldn't be denied but you knew that the Count truly enjoyed your company. If your position didn't put so much higher than everybody else, you'd even consider him a friend.

You waited for his reply before putting in motion the preparations for your departure.

In the meantime, you and Nikolai kept conducting your separate lives. Usually, you'd only see him at night when he returned to your chambers if you were still up. Now, you had decided to sleep in separate rooms too.

If he wanted a wife, then a wife he'd get. But kings and queens do not sleep together.

If the new arrangement was bothering him, you didn't know. He hadn't reached out to you nor made any move to rectify your decision.

Turns out that he wasn't even at the Palace. He had left for a mission near the border with Shu Han and wouldn't be back for at least a week. Well, then. Of course, he didn't even bother with telling you. Not even a small note.

Jokes on him though, you thought, since when he was going to come back, he'd finally get what he wanted. You weren't going to be there to bother him anymore.

Differently from him though, you did indeed left him a note. Nikolai found it a week after you had set it on his pillow. Its presence made him furrow his eyebrows since he had already been wondering where you were. You usually came out to meet him at the gates whenever he'd come back from a mission and even though you had fought before he went away, you weren't one for holding grudges. So e guessed there was something holding you.

Unfolding the paper he was met with your familiar chaotic writing.

"I don't know when you're going to find this letter but if I'm not there yet it means that I'm still at Count Kirigin's. Do not bother with writing or visiting, I'll come back when my business with him is done.

Y/n"

What in the name of every sweet loving saint???

The letter wasn't dated, no dear, no yours no nothing. Fuck. You were still mad or worse, hurt.

Asking one of the servants, he learned that you had been away for a week already. But what business could you possibly have with the Count??

Nikolai had nothing against him. Seeing Kirigin get all flustered as he tried to flirt with Zoya amused him to no end but the idea of him and you in the same house? Alone?? Unacceptable.

Not even bothering to change clothes after his long journey, Nikolai headed to the stables to ask for a well-rested horse. Luckily, Count Kirigin's estate was not too far away. A couple of hours ride.

Turns out that the Count had a lot to teach. Despite his aloof reputation and extravagant clothes, he was very observant. He lacked ambition, which was why Nikolai trusted him and had a curious way of behaving in social situations.

But Emil had been born and raised in high society. He knew how things were run even if he had no desire to be in charge of them.

So far, you'd be having a wonderful time. Emil was a wonderful host, as you remembered, but without Nikolai's presence, he was even more extravagant. He had an unexpectedly dry sense of humour and a never-ending list of jokes.

Being in the open and in the company of someone who saw y/n instead of the Queen of Ravka proved to be even more needed than you thought. You felt reinvigorated and much lighter than you'd ever been.

You had also been learning a lot. Emil had been teaching you about diplomacy. About the best ways of formulating a sentence so that you wouldn't offend anyone but still get what you wanted. He had also been talking to you about your husband's ministers. About their weaknesses and vices and what was the best way to approach them to get what you wanted.

So far, it was proving to be a wonderful decision to come here.

Whenever your mind strayed on Nikolai, you willed it to focus on something else. You didn't know if he had already come home or seen the letter. A part of you thought that if he had, he would at least write one back. But the thought felt a lot like hope and seeing as how little he saw you even before you left, you didn't think it safe to harbour it.

When Nikolai reached the estate, he was met with Kirigin's servants. They welcomed him inside and profusely apologised for the Count's absence. They told him that at this time of the day, Kirigin and his guest would usually go out on a ride but that they were also about to return.

So Nikolai waited, sitting in the most comfortable chair the Count owned, fuming at the thought that his wife had felt the need to go away and be in the company of another man.

"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be Nikolai. You'd do well to remember it."

Your words haunted him. They were the last thing that you told him. How stupid had he been to let you walk away. How utterly careless of him to disregard you like that.

He had promised himself to truly talk to you about it once this pressing matter of state was taken care of. Apparently, he had waited too long.

But Nikolai knew that the problem was at the source. He noticed how hurt you had been when he made Zoya his first in command. Or how sad you seemed everywhere he went somewhere with her and didn't ask you to join.

He was doing so to protect you from the inevitable slander you'd be met with. He should have known though that putting you aside was going to be even worse. You were a fighter just as much as Zoya was, if not stronger.

She hid behind her veil of indifference and superiority while you had never lost that emphatic verve that made everyone love you so much. In his attempt to make you safe, he had only managed to hurt you.

You were a warrior. You had accepted the role of queen only because it was the only way for you to be with Nikolai. And instead of praising you by making you a warrior queen, he had decided to hide you away.

Well, no more.

If his mistakes had not ruined everything already, he was going to make everything better.

Lost in his musing, he didn't hear the sound of hooves approaching but he did indeed hear your laugh. It immediately brought him back to the present and a wave of ugly jealousy hit him.

He couldn't remember the last time he made you laugh.

"I shouldn't even laugh Emil, the joke was terrible," Nikolai hear you giggling from somewhere in the hall. So now he was Emil, huh.

"You know you can't resist my charm, your highness," Emil replied and Nikolai had to call on every bit of his self-control to not barge out of the room and punch him.

"Stop it, you know you can call me y/n."

Before Emil could reply, they had both made it to the sitting room where Nikolai was waiting for them. It looked like no one had warned them of his presence because Kirigin looked surprised then utterly mortified.

"Your majesty, I wasn't aware you were here. Please forgive me for making you wait."

"Don't fret Kirigin, it was an impromptu visit. I came to see how my lovely wife was doing." No matter how green he was feeling right now, he knew that Kirigin was loyal to him and the crown. Whatever was happening here wasn't one of his schemes.

"Of course! I'm going to send for some tea while you two get reunited." Kirigin quickly bowed before hurrying out of the room.

Nikolai met your eyes for the first time since you had arrived. If at first, you were surprised to see him, now you couldn't help but be a bit sceptical about this visit.

"What are you doing here?" you asked breaking the ice.

"You leave with only a few lines on where you're going and you expect me to just accept it?" He scoffed, his hands curling on the armrests of the chair.

"It's more than what you gave me," you quipped, crossing your arms on your chest.

Nikolai sighed while his gloved hands run through his hair. You were right and he knew it. He had been a horrible husband lately.

"I know you're mad at me, honey, but listen-"

"I'm not mad. You didn't want to give me what I wanted so I went looking for it somewhere else." Scrolling your shoulders, you interrupted him without meeting his eyes. A list of excuses was not what you wanted nor what you needed from him.

Nikolai didn't miss the innuendo. His jaw clenched, his hands closed in fists. But he willed himself to stay calm.

"You think Kirigin can give you something that I can't?" Nikolai was a master in diplomacy. Never did he get frustrated or angry or raised his voice, even with the most aggravating people. Here though, with you, he didn't have to keep a façade. He spoke through his teeth barely containing his anger.

"Well, so far, he's been giving me attention and interesting pointers that no, Nikolai, you refused to give me."

"So this is how you solve your problems? Running away in the countryside with Emil?" Nikolai sneered, his tone souring around Kirigin's name.

"Don't you do the same with your precious first in command?" Tired after your ride with Emil, you plopped down on the chair in front of Nikolai's. Completely ignoring his tone, you pointed out calmly. The perfect image of aloofness even when it was the last thing you were in this moment.

"That's different," he snapped trying to meet your eyes that were carefully analyzing your hands.

"Yes," you signed, "it seems that when I'm concerned everything is different."

"There's nothing between me and Zoya, y/n and you know it." Nikolai was getting more frustrated by the second. He came here to apologize, to make things right and so far, the conversation was going in the opposite directions.

"Maybe now, but you spend more time with her than you do with me. It's only a matter of time before it happens and you're sorely mistaken if you think I'll just stand by and watch."

"This is not about Zoya," he insisted but so far, he wasn't getting the reaction out of you he wanted. You seemed... resigned at the situation. And that worried Nikolai to no end.

"It never is."

"Why did you run away?" Opting for a more direct approach, he bit the bullet and went straight to the point.

"I did not run away," you scoffed in contempt at his choice of words, "I told you I wanted to do more and Emil is teaching me. Not everyone is so against spending time with me, you know." You shot him a glance.

It was the first time that you had looked at him since you had been left alone.

"I married you, y/n. How can you possibly believe I don't want to spend time with you?" As desperation slipped through his words, Nikolai leaned towards you in his seat. As if he couldn't bear the distance between you anymore. But you knew it wasn't that. You and he had been distant for months now.

"Because that's what's happening, Nikolai," you clipped back and Nikolai had to refrain from wincing at your tone.

"It's not intentional, my love, I've just been busy." His tone softened. It was a poor excuse of an apology but it was sadly the truth.

"But when I say that I want to join or help you with it you strongly oppose?" Again, there was that suspicious implication in your words that Nikolai just couldn't stand. To think that you believed he'd ever cheat on you with another woman when he had done so much, taken so many risks, to be with you.

"It's not what you think, y/n." He insisted again but immediately realized he had said the wrong thing when he saw you leaning back into your chair shaking your head.

"I don't think anything, anymore. Do whatever you want. You do your thing and I'll do mine. I won't be a bother to you anymore." Holding up your hands, you gestured as you spoke.

A beat. Nikolai froze in his seat at what you were suggesting.

"You're never a bother to me. Never." He leaned even forwards in his chair, basically only propping on it now. The desperation was now clear in his voice. He reached out to you to try and take hold of your hands but you were too distant.

"I love you more than anything in this world and if you think that I'm going to let you go without a fight, you're sorely mistaken." The steel determination of his words caught you off guard. Nikolai was strong-headed, you knew that better than anyone else, but it had been a long while since that determination had been directed to you.

"You already did." It was barely a whisper. The sad truth about your reality, the downfall of your relationship. The wavering of your voice, the pain in your eyes were enough to tip Nikolai off the edge.

"Milaya, please."He fell onto his knees in front of you. Leaning forward he reached for your hands that he could now hold. "I'm sorry. I put you in a difficult position when I married you and I tried my best to protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Nikolai, especially if it's by pushing me away."

"I was keeping you away from danger and I know that you're strong and capable but I hate to think of you as the object of public slander." His eyes darted between yours, frantic, desperate to make you understand.

"I'm Grisha, Nikolai. It's nothing new to me," you pointed out but then it hit you.

"By difficult position, you meant a Grisha Queen, didn't you?" Your eyes hardened at the implications, your hands going slack in his hold. You would have pulled them away if Nikolai didn't tighten his hold.

"Please, do not think I'm regretting my choice or I think you're not worthy of the title because that's not true." Pulling your hands, he tried to get you closer to him. "I fear that there will be repercussions among the people." And there it was, at last, the truth.

"And among your ministers," you added remembering Emil's lessons on the people at court and their role.

You scoffed when he stayed silent. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, my love."

"So Zoya can handle it and I can't?"

"For the millionth time," he groaned, "I don't care about Zoya."

"I only care about you and I know you can handle it. I just didn't want you to. You deserve happiness and peaceful life and I know it's impossible to have in this saints' forsaken country but I can at least try." His eyes lowered in shame and his confession sent a pang through your heart. You took a moment to take in what he said.

Never had you thought about the possibility of Nikolai's distance was a form of protection. You were a soldier of the Second Army, after all. But being a queen, especially a Grisha one, was a delicate thing.

It was the first time in history that something like this happened. Nikolai's worries were not unfounded since even after the destruction of the Fold, anti-Grisha movements were spreading fast.

It was sad to see the General's attempt of assuring safety for Grisha, provoking exactly the opposite thing.

"Oh, Kolya," returning his grip, you leaned towards him, "I just want a life with you by my side."

"As do I. I want you always and forever but above all, I want you safe. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know it right?"

"I just ask that you tell me the truth and let me play the role I've been given."

"It's not going to be easy. People at court-"

"I know. That's why I'm here. Emil's been teaching."

"Well, no more. I'm going to take care of it from now on."

"Is this a promise or a threat?"

"Rest assured my love, the difference between the two is almost nonexistent." He flashed you a smirk and you couldn't help but smile at him. Here it was, your beloved Nikolai.

"Things are going to change, aren't they?" you murmured softly as he gently rested his forehead against yours.

"We're going to show everyone what a "power couple" is." Here was his promise. Sealed with the gentlest nudging of his nose to yours. The action made you smile and your heart soar. You missed these little moments of intimacy with him.

One of his hands came to cradle your face as the other kept hold of your left hand. Your rings softly clicked as they touched. A form of reassurance.

"I love you, y/n."

"And I you, Kolya."

You were completely lost in your little bubble, even more so when Nikolai's lips finally met yours, that you had forgotten where you were. And that there was an embarrassed Kirigin outside the door waiting for the right moment to come in with tea.

[leggomyayygo]

i saw your post earlier, and you’re absolutely right. the mileven tag has a lot of issues. first of all is the type of content being posted.

we barely have any active blogs, and the ones that are seem to be more content posting anti-by/ler hate then actually propping up mike and el. like from what i’ve seen, that’s exactly what by/lers make fun of us about, and we’re playing right into their narrative.

next is the cross-tagging. this isn’t entirely our fault, with bigger juggernaut ships mostly to blame. but god it’s so hard to find mileven content like headcanon or fic when it’s drowned out by anti content or unrelated relationships.

honestly that’s all I can think of off the top of my head, but i’d love to hear your thoughts.

Oh hey there!! 🤗

Ight lemme just preface this by saying I'm reeeeeeeeally struggling with word retrieval and transitions today, so I apologize if this is... clunky, lol. 🙈💧

It's a tricky situation for sure! First, we're outnumbered af. That alone puts us at a disadvantage for content output. Factor in that there's generally less of a "need" to generate content of long-canonized ships (for obvious reasons lol), and it's a recipe for a pretty quiet tag. The fact of the matter is that Mileven is and has been canon for several years now. It's only natural that hype would die down. For the most part, Mileven shippers have graduated from the honeymoon stage to having a more quiet and resevered appreciation for the ship. But for those of us who never left, or those whose love has been reinvigorated (me lol), it can be really frustrating when all you want to do is celebrate your ship. So yes, while I do wish there was more positive Mileven content to consume, I get why there's so little of it. A lot of shippers are just content with what canon has provided. 🤷

Now where anti-b*ler content is concerned.... generally I don't mind seeing it myself, but there's definitely exceptions to this and I can see how others would prefer to not see it at all. While I try to avoid the topic of B*ler on my own blog, I sympathize with Mileven shippers who are constantly under fire by trolls and antis who just don't know when to quit. It's really shitty and unnecessary behavior, especially considering how much they outnumber us. I get how choosing to engage with them could very well be giving them what they want, but simultaneously I can understand the frustration and desire to throw it back at them. Plus I'd be lying if I didn't find the content amusing or cathartic at times. I guess it really isn't my place to tell people how to deal with being harassed, but yeah. I agree that it would be better to only tag anti-b*ler. Even if don't mind seeing it, it would make finding actual Mileven content a LOT easier.

As for the cross-tagging..... Yeahhhhh... There's not much I can really add 😂 It's a much bigger issue than us, and aside from telling them to cut it out (a likely futile effort), I really don't know what else can be done on our side. THIS IS WHY WE NEED A "HIDE" BUTTON GODDAMMIT ASKSHDJDK 😤

Some final thoughts:

While there's little we can do solve these issues, one thing we CAN do is just try to engage with other shippers and put out content of our own. If we get the ball rolling, it may inspire others to do the same. Hell, I'm no writer, but because a mutual sent a simple Mileven ask, it got the gears in my head turning and I started writing a wholeass fic 🤣 I also want say that I do believe things are starting to head in a better direction. I've only had this blog for 3 months, but in the time that I've been here, I do believe that I've seen a positive shift. And I mean... we are bringing Mileven Week back this year, so I can't be the only one who thinks this. 😋💕

Anyway, I hope this was the type of response you were looking for! Again, my brain isn't working all that well today but I did my best 😅

Thanks for stopping by!! ✨

[hoxooster]

Yeah, it was purdy hype back in the day. Most of us practically had bees in our blood--also the large influx of reinvigorated Wolfhox content was nice to witness and be a part of at the time. The trailer really rocked us all to our carbon-enriched cores and lit a fire under our asses.

Annnnnd, yeah. The surprises of more contemporary Payday aren’t really... good, aye. Most of the time it’s something cool that’s followed by frustration or even outrage. This is because--and I will always maintain this--that Almir has never been trained in PR work and he puts his foot in his mouth a lot. He’s not the only one on the dev team that does this, but he’s pushed to the forefront a lot and he actively puts himself out there all the time--which, if you’re trained in PR, you know that you shouldn’t do that. But, anyway, enough complaining, otherwise we’ll be here for hours.

I, personally, don’t think Houston’s coming back. Unless! they change his voice actor. Derek Ray was always one of the VAs that came in the least to update his lines (If you think that current Wolf is bad, Houston was actually WORSE for a long while). So, if Hous is in the new game, they’ll most likely change his VA as well. Only time will tell.

Thank you for your kind words, but I also know that my blog doesn’t contain all of the content that was uploaded over the years. There were things that I just refused to reblog ‘cause I didn’t agree with them for certain reasons. Also because of bad actors at the time who were doing or saying horrible shit--as an example, I even went back and removed some things because of a specific person’s outwardly transphobic behavior on another site (and because they were also trying to do that shit here and began targeting other users). A handful of posts were lost in the Tumblr Porn Purge when the algorithm got nasty and targeted the weirdest shit--I was only able to appeal about 3 or 4 of them to get them back. Others still were lost thanks to the Tumblr Exodus. Read mores suddenly led to dead links and entire posts were left as the top, ripped off pieces of something that used to be great (a lot of fics and art were essentially burned to ash overnight by this). But! I’m not the only source for old Payday posts. Some of the Old Guard from a couple of the different eras of this fandom are still kicking around on here--I’ve actually been following a few of them after all these years--and they still have the posts on their blogs. *Taps the side of my nose.* You just need to know where to look~

And, yeah, I’m sticking around. I still deeply love these games, even with my hang ups. Plus, somebody’s gotta be the grandpa around here, and it’s been me for years now.

Anyone from the payday the heist days, I'm very curious how it was like with hoxton being revealed to come back. And how was it like with the reveal being a fricking Christmas album?

[magic-is-something-we-create]

Writing Update Oct. 5th, 2022

Progress made: 2.7k words drafted, 6 chapters edited, minimal/no planning WIPs worked on: Goddess-Touched [total wc: 10.2k], Echoseers [total wc: 144.7k] Writing streak: 418 days Current chapter + POV: Chapter 4 of Goddess Touched hasn’t even begun planning yet, but it’s probably going to be either Annie or Gab POV; I’m about to begin editing Chapter 17 of Echoseers, which is Ice + Annie POV

Favorite line(s) (Andy POV):

“You can recreate the airships?”

I nod. “I assume you don’t have the Starforges for new casting, but I’m used to working with scrap.”

“It would be quite a lot for even one, I imagine.”

“Mostly Voltimony and Haethrite.” I tap at the notebook still clutched in my fist, trying not to get too caught up in the horrid texture of the cloth covering, so I can keep speaking. “And we may be able to reduce the Haethrite load if we build the ship into the design. Proofbrass might even work, quarter the Haethrite used with a bit of aluminum alloying.”

The Minister I startled, the one whose voice is close enough to familiar that I’m sure they’re the one who spoke to Tieling, cocks their head at me. “... Why do you travel with the Eternal, Starsmith? Why follow a man like him?”

“I don’t.”

When their brow twists, I shrug.

“I’m here because my friend wanted to help even before Delya, and was willing to hitch a ride with an asshole so long as it meant they got to.”

Something almost like a smile tugs at their lips. “... I like your attitude.”

“Thanks. So, airships?”

What I’m looking forward to next:

In editing, I’m about to enter the meat of the parallel story lines of murder mystery, heist-ish thriller, and “oh. im getting Visions. and they are not goddess-sent”, so I’m very excited to make those work better!

In drafting... I’m not entirely sure what happens next, like, right now, but I’m fairly certain it’ll include Annie starting to get the respect she deserves in the Court of Impalfahr, and possibly start off the emotional subplots going on with the Deltierin crew.

This weeks soundtrack:

Moonsong by Vindsvept, The Road of Trials by Austin Wintory, and Between Worlds by Adriel Fair.

Notes/Thoughts:

I... had forgotten, for a bit there, that editing is something I can and should be doing. And uh. Lo and behold, it was what helped reinvigorate me when it comes to drafting. Who’d’ve thunk.

Anyway, I’m hoping that this reminder ends up helping me as I continue, because the last few weeks were Painful before I remembered that.

[destielfanfic]

Happiness isn’t in the Having

Happiness isn’t in the Having - 15x18 coda fic rec list. Castiel’s love confession and sacrifice has shaken and reinvigorated destiel fandom in a way that no-one expected. The collective creative outburst of destiel fan works brought together new and old, returning names. Our sister blog @destielfanworks​ has a new tag for post 15x18 fanart - #destiel 2020, check them out! And then, there are almost 400 destiel fics on AO3 tag Episode: S15e18 Despair. I couldn’t read them all, so here’s but a small selection. The fics are listed starting with the angstiest, followed by the ones with more or less happy endings. Please heed the tags on AO3! 

Episode 15x18, Despair, coda fic recs 

the stages of despair by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch [T, 1,115 word count] Dean POV, grief

As Empty Now as at the First Note by domesticadventures [T, 1,200 word count] Dean POV, grief

Dean takes stock. This is what he has left: one incomplete picture, a bloody handprint, a decade plus of regrets, and two other people in the whole world to wait with him until God finally calls their numbers.

For Good by imogenbynight [T, 6,200 word count] Dean POV, grief, Dean and Jack reconciliation

Eyes wide open and stinging, Dean stares at the negative space in the center of the room and sees the afterimage of it. The Empty, otherworldly and furious, surrounding Cas and swallowing him like a black hole devouring a star.

Because it is by 60r3d0m [M, 6,000 word count] Dean POV, grief, world after the snap

��You can go, you know,” Sam says, one day out of the blue, when they’re perched on the hood of the Impala, gazing at the night sky. Dean shifts a bit, takes an absentminded sip of beer but keeps his eyes on the heavens, on the star that each night seems to get a little bit bluer, a little bit brighter the more that Dean watches it. .... It’s been years.

The Having by Bookkbaby [T, 3,600 word count] Cas POV, the Empty

"Why do they call this place The Empty? It's full. It's full of sorrow and despair playing over and over again, of angels and demons dreaming about their regrets. Forever." Castiel has a lot of regrets.

Everything is Blue by MalMuses [T, 5,000 word count] Dean POV, grief

Castiel is in the Empty, leaving only his confessions and his handprint behind. To Dean, everything seems black. Until it's not.

stars that clear have been dead for years by xylodemon [T, 2,700 word count] Dean POV, grief

"I love you." There's nothing, nothing, Dean Winchester can say to that.

Lead Me Home by jemariel [M, 2,200 word count] Dean POV, grief

They’re back. They’re all back. Everyone Chuck took—Donna, Eileen, Stevie, Bobby, the other hunters. All of them. Except one. Even when it should be impossible, Castiel will always come when Dean calls.

To Change the Things We Can by cenotaphy [G. 1,900 word count] Dean POV

The thing is, Dean thinks, Cas is wrong about him. Dean is a blunt instrument. He's the hammer he once accused Cas of being, the gun leveled at the poltergeist in the dark, the jawbone-blade cleaving tissue from bone. He's the sword swung on marionette strings by the archangel. He's the best pupil Alastair's ever had. ...

Like Real People Do by prosopopeya [G, 5,000 word count] Dean POV, Cas POV, grief

Castiel experienced a moment of pure happiness, expecting it to be his last. It wasn't.

Symmetria by goldenraeofsun [T, 4,000 word count] Dean POV

When all’s said and done with Chuck, Dean takes his time getting used to his new gig as capital D Death. Billie, of course, did not see fit to leave him a training manual. But with his brother-turned-God on his side, and Jack as the new Darkness, they all muddle through. Finally, all that's left is to rescue Cas from the Empty.

~~~~~~~~

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos! And if you found our recs useful, let us know by Liking and/or Reblogging our posts!

[hualianff]

Untethered (Bonus II) 《Bonus I》

For the first time in his life, XL feels like he can speak without the pressures and expectations of being a prince weighing down on his shoulders. He watches his facial expressions in the mirror as he rambles about the various meetings he had for the day. The subtle dancing of his eyebrows, rapid blinking of his eyes, and pinched corners of his lips—all indicative of how animated he is when summarizing his duties that seemed more like work than anything else.

The fact that HC is here, brushing his hair, and listening with occasional intrigued hums make XL reinvigorated as his role as prince. Despite the demanding energy, control, and fairness the role takes, XL is incredibly grateful for the privilege and promises himself to continue to fulfill this purpose to the best of his abilities.

So far, XL believes he’s done a sufficient job, preparing to ascend to the throne. After hearing him speak, he secretly hopes HC thinks so too.

“Ah, San Lang, thank you for kindly tending to my hair. It looks wonderful,” XL says once he feels the final knots come undone by HC’s broad strokes.

“Of course it looks wonderful. It is His Highness, after all,” the pirate captain comments smoothly. XL can’t help but smile at the compliment.

HC goes to place the comb back on the vanity. He switches it out for a short ribbon that shimmers silver when hit by the moonlight.

“Allow me to do one more thing,” HC adds. He gathers all of XL’s hair to fall behind his shoulders, the strands still a bit damp. With practiced movements, HC parts the prince’s hair into three sections, then begins braiding the pieces into a thick, tight section.

XL licks his lips in anticipation. Though he’s had his hair styled a thousand times before, this is HC who currently braids his long locks, a gesture that seems a bit intimate.

Not that you mind, XL briefly thinks.

“How have the last few weeks treated San Lang?” He asks, reminding HC of his promise to talk about his days on the ocean. HC pulls the pieces of hair tighter, focused on creating a simple yet consistent and neat braided pattern for the prince.

“Troublesome. There’s a new pirate ship we have encountered several times. They said they want to challenge us for our water territories, which is a load of shit because the sea belongs to no one,” HC spits out heatedly. His tone is harsh but his touch is gentle as ever. “I honestly think the captain wants to mess with me. Make me question my reign as the ‘most feared, ruthless, and violent pirate to sail the waters.’”

“Oh. I see,” XL says hesitantly. He’s not very familiar with the inside knowledge of pirate ways and society other than what is generalized by the public. And the palace’s gossip, of course.

Suddenly, a rush of hot air tickles XL’s ear. XL locks eyes with HC through the mirror, heart stuttering at the dark, hungry look in the pirate’s eye.

“What does His Highness think?”

“Think about what?”

“My reputation. Does the real thing live up to your imagination?” HC questions with a sly smirk, quickly tying the ribbon at the end of the braid, then moving it to fall over XL’s right shoulder. XL only has a few seconds to marvel at the stunning handiwork before HC leans forward even more, urging XL to turn toward him, their faces mere centimeters apart.

The pirate captain smells like manly musk mixed in with the ocean breeze. XL nervously gulps.

“I- um,” XL starts, feeling his face heat up. “Hmm, maybe not entirely...”

HC’s eye slowly flits down XL’s face. XL remains still, mentally kicking himself for wondering what it would feel like to close the small gap and-

“Fair enough,” HC remarks, pulling away, leaving a rush of air in his wake. “I suppose I’m not the madman people say I am. After all, His Highness wouldn’t have let me into his room otherwise, no?”

Something hot burns inside XL’s gut. He had to let HC in! If the pirate were discovered by the palace guards, he’d be imprisoned indefinitely for sure! XL was simply doing an act of service for HC...nothing too outrageous like HC implied.

Nope, none at all.

“You’re blushing.“

“San Lang better take a good look around lest this is the only time I invite him into my room,” XL huffs out, resolutely facing forward and avoiding HC’s penetrating gaze.

“Forgive me, Your Highness. I was simply teasing,” HC says, though he doesn’t sound all that apologetic. “A prince like you must have many admirers to choose from. I shall not take this privilege for granted.”

“Admirers? Where on Earth did you get that from?” XL asks, appalled. He hasn’t taken interest in any of the brides his father provided, much less traveled to other kingdoms in a serious pursuit to find one to marry.

“Is there not a ball happening this coming week? For you to choose a suitable woman to become your queen?” HC inquiries nonchalantly. He tucks a rogue curl behind XL’s ear, the prince subtly leaning into the touch.

XL whips around in astonishment, braid flying to his other shoulder.

“How did you know!?”

“I have ears on land, my prince. Even when I’m out sailing the sea,” HC says. “We have also passed numerous royal ships carrying your guests for the celebration.”

XL wilts in his seat.

It’s not much of a celebration if XL hadn’t wanted to host an engagement ball in the first place. Years of his father’s insistent pushing have led to more frequent gatherings with other royalty in hopes that XL finds a fiancé.

Unlike his parents, XL wasn’t betrothed from a young age. Furthermore, he hasn’t expressed  any interest in marriage even once becoming an adult.

(“Your mother and I were married at twenty. You, my son, are already twenty-two,” the king always said. “You should quickly find a princess who catches your eye. The sooner you get yourself a wife, the sooner she will start learning her duties as queen.”)

XL has successfully put off marriage for a couple of years, deferring to his rigorous training schedule and duties as prince as an excuse. Fortunately, his mother is willing to let XL take his time, as the king isn’t set to retire anytime soon. After all, XL learning his responsibilities as king is the most important task.

HC instantly notices XL’s deflated expression. He attempts to backpedal.

“I had no right to bring that up. If this is something Gege does not want to discuss, then, by all means, he may change the subject,” HC says quietly. Respectfully.

“No. It is fine. It is by no means a secret at all. The ball has been scheduled for weeks now,” XL murmurs while looking at his bare feet. He fiddles with the long braid, smoothing over the tightly wrapped strands absent-mindedly. “I’m not actively looking for a wife or anything. At least, I don’t want to...”

“Your Highness-“

“San Lang.”

HC’s mouth snaps shut. He straightens his back with his shoulders set square, standing at attention in front of the Prince of Xianle.

“Could you do something for me? A small favor, if you will.”

“Anything,” HC immediately answers.

XL subconsciously chews on his lower lip, a habit that his closest friend SQX reprimands him for doing because it tears up both the old and healing skin. Easy to overdo, not a quick fix, SQX claims.

XL rises to his feet. He holds his hand out to the pirate, palm facing upwards.

Where’s My Love – SYML

“Will you dance with me?”

“I’m afraid gege will be sorely disappointed with this one’s lack of skill,” HC says as a matter-of-fact, but he doesn’t hesitate to accept XL’s hand, his long fingers blanketing XL’s own.

The prince’s heart skips a beat as the pirate pulls him close until their chests almost touch. XL feels small; HC’s heeled boots to XL’s bare feet exaggerate their height difference, XL only coming up to HC’s chest.

XL feels small but strangely, he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“San Lang needs only to follow my lead,” XL says, looking up with a smile. He properly intertwines their left and right hands, then places HC’s other hand on his shoulder. Finally, XL goes to hold the pirate’s waist, the thin fabric giving way to the hard muscle underneath.

“Gege must have danced with a lot of pretty women before,” HC muses, moving his feet as XL slowly guides him into a waltz. XL hopes it isn’t just him imagining a slow, romantic piece to harmonize their movements.

“Is San Lang jealous?” XL asks without thinking.

Goodness, did those words seriously just come out of his mouth? Other than his eyes widening in slight horror, XL schools his face into a calm expression, not wanting to seem conceited or even desperate.

HC peers down with a lazy smirk, almost crowding into the prince as they turn to dance in a circle. Despite XL’s effort to appear unfazed by the prospect of HC envying those who’ve had the opportunity to dance with the Prince of Xianle, the pirate still catches the hopeful flicker of XL’s eyelashes.

“A little bit. Though in a way, I’ve had my fair share of dances with Gege myself,” HC states proudly, referring back to their previous sparring sessions. The break in focus has HC stumbling over his feet, prompting XL to squeeze his waist as a reprimand to concentrate.

“Ah, yes. San Lang’s skill is undeniable in that aspect,” XL says, laughing. “He’s also the first and only man I’ve danced ever with.”

“What an honor,” HC purrs out, and then he lowers XL into an abrupt dip, holding the prince by his hip and upper back.

XL’s breath hitches, wondering how they seamlessly switched positions. HC tenderly stares down at the prince, a twinkle dimly reflecting in his left eye.

“San Lang...” XL whispers, clutching onto HC’s shoulders. His long braid feels heavy like rope where it hangs down, nearly touching the ground.

“Your Highness.”

Their faces are millimeters apart, skimming each other’s noses. They’ve never been this close before, especially not in the absence of any sort of weapon. No one besides the king and queen, palace servants, and bodyguards are even allowed to touch the prince.

Now here he is, in the arms of the infamous Crimson Rain, on the verge of letting himself want.

Tentatively, XL licks his lips before asking, “Why do you always come back?”

“Gege knows this answer too,” HC solemnly says.

XL tilts his chin up, eyelids starting to lower.

“I come back for you, my dear Prince.”

As HC leans down—still supporting XL’s weight—XL meets him halfway for their first proper kiss, alone together in the prince’s room where the pale moonlight spills through the balcony doors. It’s a light and airy peck, one that ends way too soon for XL’s liking.

When they pull apart, HC stands XL back up. The pirate notices XL’s robe has slid off one shoulder. He goes to pull it back up but XL quickly grasps his jaw for another kiss instead.

They part again.

“Just...one more-“ XL breathes out, adrenaline coursing through his veins. HC’s lips are warm and firm, easily pliable as they press deliciously against XL’s own. “...one more.”

HC gladly obliges.

Their kisses gradually pick up in pace, HC’s hands respectively exploring the span of XL’s back, his hips, and sides. XL eagerly pulls HC over to the edge of his bed, spinning them around so he can climb onto the pirate’s lap.

HC groans low in his throat, comfortably looping his arms around XL’s waist.

At this point, all of XL’s reservations have been cast aside and he’s going to act on the desires concerning a certain pirate that have been taunting him for months now, damn it.

XL surges forward with a force that knocks HC back against the soft mattress.

“Your Highness,” HC growls between kisses, still trying to cover up XL’s shoulder, and now his chest where the robe is loose enough to reveal noticeable cleavage. XL shifts a bit to align their hips, unintentionally rubbing against HC. “Shit-“

“Hua Cheng-“ XL hums, belatedly realizing his slip up. HC nips at his lip for his mistake.

“San L-lang,” XL mewls like the starved for affection prince that he is. HC’s tongue darts out to swipe across XL’s upper lip. Then, his lower lip.

XL naturally opens up for him, gasping as HC’s hot tongue licks inside his mouth with a dominance that consumes XL. The more XL lets his lust cloud his movement, the faster he feels himself harden.

When XL’s hands brush along HC’s hair, they accidentally graze onto his eyepatch. HC grunts in surprise, which has XL springing back as the situation of the last five minutes dawns upon him.

He sits up on HC’s thighs, placing his palms on the pirate’s chest. Underneath him, HC is a gorgeous vision–thick, wavy hair splayed out on XL’s pillow, lips swollen and spit-slicked.

“Oh my- oh my lord,” XL chokes out, completely breathless. “Was- was that t-too much?”

“Not at all, Your Highness,” HC replies with a rogue-ish smirk. “Come here.”

HC embraces his prince with long arms, squeezing tightly and pressing a series of kisses to the top of XL’s head. XL hesitantly rests his cheek on HC’s sternum, aware of how close their bodies are pressed together.

“Who knew Gege could kiss like that?”

“Like what?” XL questions petulantly.

“Like a shameless minx,” the pirate captain answers, chuckling when XL whines at the implication.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” XL shyly admits.

“Me too,” HC murmurs. XL lifts his head, crosses his arms on HC’s chest, then sets his chin on them. “Since the moment I saw you sitting alone at the pub.”

“You wanted to kiss the crown prince at first sight?” XL asks, pretending to be scandalized. HC kisses the tip of XL’s nose. XL scrunches it up in response.

“Hmm, my prince now.”

“Well, your prince would very much like it if San Lang stays the night.”

“I must be back at the harbor before dawn,” HC says, stroking XL’s hair. “However, I can most certainly afford to accompany Gege while he sleeps.”

XL happily snuggles close to HC, not worrying quite so much about the ball now that he has something going on with HC. To his astonishment, the pirate seems to return his affections quite enthusiastically. As a prince with the duty to serve his people, XL reckons he deserves this moment of happiness.

After another hour of blissful exchanging kisses and aimless conversation, XL feels himself begin to drift. He hears a whispered promise from HC who protectively curls around him.

“I will never bring you harm, Your Highness. Your heart is safe with me.”

XL falls asleep into a dreamless slumber.

***

Present...

As if it happens in slow motion, XL swings the sword with all the power he possesses. HC’s arms stretch open in vulnerability, lips forming into a small, understanding smile.

“Gege.”

Something inside XL shatters. The familiar term of endearment is for XL’s ears only. His heart pounds against his rib cage with the ferocity of an imprisoned soul, screaming at XL to ask not what he would wish for in death, but what is he willing to live for?

The answer is right in front of him.

“I’m back.”

Three things happen at once.

A deafening BOOM fires at the royal ship from the opposite direction, pitch-black flags with the symbolic skeleton of a fish piercing through the chilly air.

Simultaneously, a blinding flash of lightning strikes across the sky, signaling an even more intense downpour of rain that obscures everyone’s vision. Surprised screams echo somewhat mutely among the roaring winds.

Lastly, XL swings his sword so it barely skims the open blouse HC wears and keeps rotating until it crosses behind him, where he lets it go flying back to the royal ship.

At that moment, XL leaps forward into HC’s embrace, where those long arms encircle his waist, and both men are sent tumbling down into the crashing waves of the raging ocean.

《VI》

[godsofhumanity]

BOOKS XIII-XV | HOMER'S ILIAD | LITERATURE REVIEW

SUMMARY: The tide of war changes to favour the Achaeans when Hera evokes Aphrodite and Hypnos' help to beguile Zeus and put him into a deep sleep. Poseidon takes advantage of Zeus' temporary incapacitation to reinvigorate the Achaeans. As Zeus sleeps, Hector gets badly injured by a boulder thrown by Ajax. Zeus awakens and berates Hera for her deceptions, and then calls Apollo to heal Hector. Poseidon leaves the fight at the persuasion of Iris. Once healed, Hector rejoins the battle and kills twelve men.

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im covering 3 books in this one post.. im sorry for not updating more regular! i got busy ahaha. but i think that from here on out, there will be a LOT more to discuss about the Iliad.. considering that we're very close to getting into the really tragic deaths.. u know who i'm talking about.

now, to begin with, in Book 13, we see Poseidon take to the field and start inciting the Greeks to be fearless against Hector's onslaught.

this is a curious thing for Poseidon to do because Zeus in the previous books has explicitly said that NONE of the gods are allowed to participate in the battle.

i think that Poseidon's bold move is such a perfect reflection of his status as god of the seas.

the seas are wild, and unpredictable. you can't tame the ocean. and in the same way, we see that even though Zeus has commanded something, Poseidon isn't the type to simply nod and say yes.

in fact, even Athena and Hera, who are quite bold individuals themselves, aren't actually so brave as to directly defy Zeus- they use tricks and underhanded ways to subtly get what they want. but Poseidon isn't subtle at all. all of his moves are very loud and dominant.. something that is enforced by Homer's detailed descriptions of Poseidon's chariot, his horses, and his movements:

"He clothed himself in raiment of gold, grasped his gold whip, and took his stand upon his chariot. As he went his way over the waves the sea-monsters left their lairs, for they knew their lord, and came gamboling round him... so lightly did the horses fly that the bronze axle of the car was not even wet beneath it, and thus his bounding steeds took him to the ships..."

we see lots of plosive consonants here: "gold", "grasped", "gamboling", "bronze", "beneath", "bounding". all of these words work together to create this very dramatic and loud image of Poseidon.

and with Poseidon's bold movements, the Greeks also become invigorated and confident. we see them begin to take arms up again and feel motivated to fight against Hector.

as Poseidon rallies the Greeks, the battle becomes even fiercer.

we are shown more brutal images of the war, notably, when Idomeneus kills Othryoneus from the Trojans' side, and taunts his dead body.

Homer reveals to us that Othryoneus had participated in the war so that he could marry Priam's daughter, Cassandra.. when he is killed by Idomeneus, Idomeneus says:

"We too will make you an offer; we will give you the loveliest daughter of the son of Atreus, if you will sack the goodly city of Ilium... So come along with me, that we may make a covenant at the ships about the marriage..."

Idomeneus doesn't say anything particularly cruel, but the imagery of him taunting Othryoneus' corpse while dragging it across the field paints a very morbid and depressing scene.

in this way, Homer is able to provide insight to the audience about the different aspects of war; motivations for fighting, and the darker side of battle.

last thing from Book 13- Menelaus' potent question:

"Cowardly she-wolves that you are, you feared not the anger of dread Zeus, avenger of violated hospitality, who will one day destroy your city. You stole my wedded wife and wickedly carried off much treasure when you were her guest... O father Zeus... how can you thus favour the Trojans...?"

two interesting things here: 1) the metaphor of "cowardly she-wolves", and 2) Zeus as an avenger of violated hospitality.

the metaphor is curious to me because wolves, typically, are not portrayed as cowardly animals.. they are hunters, stealthy, agile. one might say that because they are related to dogs, they also represent loyalty, perseverance and courage.

but here, Menelaus calls the Trojans "cowardly she-wolves". it could simply be that, by identifying the men with the female form of a wolf, he means to degrade the Trojans. but personally, i don't find it very effective-- in a lot of mythologies, she-wolves are protectors, and aren't really weak. the best example of this is in roman mythology where Romulus and Remus are raised by a she-wolf.

now,, i actually think that when Menelaus says "cowardly she-wolves", he calls the Trojans a "she-wolf" because, like a she-wolf protecting her pups, the Trojans are so avidly defending Troy, and by that fact, are defending Paris. and in this way, they are cowardly- because Paris has committed a sin.. he has violated the sacred laws of hospitality (xenia) and stolen from Menelaus. but the Trojans aren't ready to let Paris pay for his crimes. hence, cowardly she-wolves.

now, the invocation of Zeus as an avenger of violated hospitality is interesting to me. we know that xenia was one of Zeus' holy laws.. but,, it's weird to me that this should be the case, because Zeus himself doesn't always adhere to this rule-- Paris abuses Menelaus' generosity as his guest, but Zeus doesn't interfere at that point. in fact, by mediating the contest that got Paris into this mess to start with, Zeus has sort of consented to the idea that Paris should go to Greece, and take Menelaus' wife from him.

Zeus only gets really involved after Thetis begs him to intercede on Achilles' behalf. that's it. it has nothing to do with xenia.

i suppose this passage is just another reminder of how mortals really don't know what goes on in the minds of the gods. Menelaus is here praying for Zeus to serve justice, but Zeus isn't interested in that :/

anyhow, moving on to Book 14.

this book is pretty important in that we get the famous scene of Hera bewitching Zeus so that Poseidon has a little bit more time on the battlefield to help the Achaeans out.

i honesty don't have much to say except that i can't stop laughing at what Zeus says to Hera when she greets him looking all gorgeous:

"Never yet have I been so overpowered by passion neither for goddess nor mortal woman as I am at this moment for yourself- not even when I was in love with the wife of Ixion... nor yet with Danae... Then there was Semele, and Alcmena... There was queen Demeter again, and lovely Leto, and yourself- but with none of these was I ever so much enamoured as I now am with you."

ah yes, Zeus, nothing tells your wife that she's looking Good™ quite like listing out all your previous wives, exes and side affairs. how to keep your marriage happy: hot tips with Zeus 101

anyways.. back to the story. as Zeus is distracted by his long list of past lovers, Hector takes a turn for the worse as the favour of Zeus leaves him and he gets absolutely crushed by a rock hurled by Ajax.

in many ways, Hector is the representative of Troy- and i mean this in a symbolic way-- when Hector is bright and confident, and winning the war, Troy is winning the war. but when he gets injured, we know that bad things are going to happen to Troy.

this sounds obvious, but it's not the same for the Achaeans- on the Achaeans side, if something were to happen to Agamemnon, or Menelaus, it wouldn't be clear that the Achaeans were on the losing side. when Hector dies (spoilers aha!), we KNOW that this is the end for Troy.

in the same way, when Hector gets injured so brutally, it becomes apparent that Troy cannot win this war without Zeus' favour.

in Book 15, Hector is saved by Apollo at Zeus' behest, and Poseidon withdraws from the war.

as we could predict, Hector being healed and returning to the battle as fierce as ever is a signal that Zeus is back in the game, and is watching over the war.

that's it for now. in the next book, Book 16, we rejoin Patroclus and Achilles at the ships.. and this is where the fun begins >:)