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jonsnowunemploymentera · 1 year ago

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Fandom For Dummies: A totally objective and 100% correct ranking of the different ASOIAF fan communities

Nobody asked for it, but here’s my unwanted ranking of the largest ASOIAF communities on the internet:

7. X (the website formally known as twitter)

This is a cesspool; easily has the worst takes imaginable and it doesn’t help that’s it’s mostly like two fandoms at the forefront of this. Show watchers blend into book readers and this causes so many bad takes on every character. People talk big mad about characters, until you realize that they have never read a single chapter for said character and are basically just spewing whatever nonsense oomf told them to. Fights are petty and uninteresting, not to mention just how unhinged HOTD twitter stans are. Back in my day things weren’t this bad. But the last few seasons of GOT made everything 1000x worse.

6. Tiktok

I went back and forth with this one but I think it should be near the bottom. Tiktok is basically just twitter lite. People are not as unhinged on tiktok as they are on twitter, but they still bring their nonsense stan wars which means that it’s super rare to find good asoiaf content because everything is basically wrapped up around “how do I make my fave look good by making everyone else look bad?” People who have never read the books also never hesitate to give their bad takes. Tiktok is also notorious for straight up stealing stuff from Reddit and tumblr, and then wrapping it all up with the stan twitter logic - which is a proven recipe for disaster. Don’t expect to find particularly gripping analysis on tiktok that you haven’t seen anywhere else. Shoutout to that one account that posts lore videos though - they’re single-handedly hard carrying that godforsaken app.

5. Quora

It might be an unpopular opinion to rank this anywhere other than last, but I put it above twitter and tiktok because you can actually find good analysis here and there. However, Quora is also a massive echo chamber that enables the worst circle jerks imaginable (we’re all familiar with that famous poster who acts like Dany literally murdered their entire family, aren’t we?). Quora was shockingly bad way back when I joined this fandom and nearly a decade later, it’s still terrible. But this ain’t special to the asoiaf community. Quora as a platform is intensely toxic. For being a cesspit of hate, it gets a near bottom ranking but still manages to rank above twitter for actually sticking to book content every now and then. Also, there’s usually not a whole lot of shipping wars which is a major plus!

4. Reddit

I’ve also gone back and forth with this one because it could rank higher or lower depending on the time of day. But it’s been a hot minute since passable content came out of Reddit, which explains why it isn’t any higher than fourth. This is a site that is capable of great good, and also great evil. Some cool theories have come out of it (e.g., the Night Lamp theory), but the downside is that this happens once in every five blue moons. Most of the time, Reddit is one giant circle jerk of whatever is the opinion of the day. Think Tyrion is the devil incarnate? Well you’re in luck, because so does literally everyone else. The makings of Reddit’s core demographic also means that female characters are more likely than not to get lambasted for every little thing (e.g., Cersei getting victim blamed for the abuse she suffers). Sure you could find good analysis, but it will be right alongside the most shockingly bad take on any given character that you’ve ever seen (just ask any Arya stan). A majority of redditors also employ the most surface level analysis of any character which lends to the bad takes, but this isn’t anything new considering that tiktok and twitter do the same thing but worse. Major plus though, little to no shipping! Which means that we get to avoid fighting about which teenage girl gets to shag Jon Snow. For having elements of both the good and the bad, Reddit is firmly middle of the pack. But shoutout to r/darkwingsdankmemes for single-handedly hard carrying the asoiaf Reddit communities. Y’all are doing the lord’s work (though it’s not like the bar is that hard to clear to begin with).

🥉 YouTube

Ok, woah YouTube in the top three?! Yes, hear me out. YouTube is really good at presenting out new theories, especially pertaining to the magic side which often gets overlooked everywhere else. In fact, I’d argue that it’s the second best place to get any sort of discussion on the magic side of asoiaf without falling into some bizarre stan war echo chamber. YouTube also doesn’t have the shipping wars that you find everywhere else, which makes the fan experience a lot more fun. Now a major downside is that a lot of analysis on there is either borderline crack on wheels or the most surface level reading imaginable. Some creators also push a lot of hate towards certain characters (we all know who they are). But still, it’s not the cesspit that Reddit is and you’ll be able to find interesting stuff everyday. It’s like tiktok, if people actually tried to think for themselves and analyze the books outside of an echo chamber. When you learn to filter out the bad faith arguments, YouTube has great content, especially if you’re a new fan and are trying to learn about the lore or get some explanation on popular fan theories. Shoutout to AltShiftX (for when they stick to presenting out basic lore), CivilizationEx, Radio Westeros (though they started out on westeros.org), and many more for the work that they do. Tiktok wishes they were you!

🥈 Tumblr

Tumblr is a GREAT place for fandom engagement! Ok let’s start with the bad: shipping culture. This has almost completely ruined the fan experience. Especially for ships that are not yet even cannon (yeah don’t all gasp at once). Either you think Sansa (a 13 yr old girl!!) is the devil incarnate or you think Dany (a 16 yr old!!) needs to be strung up by her toes. Every now and then, poor Arya will catch some strays. This also means that you’ll find a lot of bad faith “analysis” for the anti-ship characters. And to make things worse, Jon is in the middle of this and so every group is guilty of either misconstruing or vastly misinterpreting his character to further whatever their agenda is. Now onto the good. For all the flak tumblr gets, it’s given us some of the best character analysis you could find in greater asoiaf fandom. There are so many incredible asoiaf blogs and even the shippers post great content. There also a variety of good stuff which allows you to curate your fan experience. You’re a Theon stan? Great! There are a bunch of wonderful Theon posters on here. A Stannis stan? Fear not, you’re in good company! There’s something for everyone and you can stay in your own cute little stan bubble, which can’t be said for the other communities. Tumblr also has great artists and gif makers too, which you won’t find anywhere else (well, maybe the editors on tiktok). Something that keeps tumblr in the higher ranks is that there’s something new everyday. This site, for all its faults, has managed to stay active and keep things fresh after all these years. But the shipping wars man…that’s what’s stopping us from being the best. Let’s #MAKETUMBLRGREATAGAIN2024!

And the best ASOIAF fan community is 🥁 🥁…..

🥇 Westeros.org

Yes, Westeros.org is still the best asoiaf fan forum after nearly two decades. To this day, the best asoiaf analyses have come from this forum. The reread projects, in particular, are top of the class: The pawn to player threads which single handedly changed how we discuss Sansa Stark (+ the same people did the Arya reread projects); the learning to lead reread project which was a cool joint project by Jon and Dany fans; the Jon and Tyrion reread threads, the best of them all, which were spearheaded by the forum’s top posters; the moments of foreshadowing threads; the ‘can’t believe I missed that’ threads, the heresy threads for off the wall magic theorizing; the over 150 RLJ threads…the list goes on and on. Westeros.org has been the backbone of asoiaf fan discussion for years and years. Also, some of the funniest posts ever made (e.g., the ‘Sandor and Gregor Clegane are brothers’ theory) have come from that site. Does this forum have its faults? Absolutely. Just as all the others do. I’ve been around long enough to see the tides turn on which female character needs to be hurled right down to hell. Way back then it was Sansa and Catelyn, then came the huge anti-Dany circlejerk (which is still there tbh), and now it’s Arya who’s satan incarnate. Another ding against this forum is that is has not managed to keep it relevance after all these years; Tumblr has been much better on that front. Westeros.org lost its best contributors as the show overtook the books and is now a husk of what it once was. BUT, you’ll still find good discussion from the ten people who still log on everyday. This site actually focuses on book content, as there’s a dedicated book only forum. It’s also the best place to find extensive discussion on the different magical elements in ASOIAF. So instead of arguing about who is or isn’t Azor Ahai, which is frankly so 2014, posters on Westeros.org will actually spearhead some pretty out there analysis on the different magical elements. They’re not afraid to go against the grain, which is how we got the heresy threads - an entire subforum that encourages readers to think outside the box, which you won’t always see on tumblr or other sites. Westeros.org is not what it used to be but once Winds is out, I’m sure it will be returned to its former glory.

Didn’t include other sites like Tower of the Hand (which was pretty decent back in the day), Winteriscoming.net, and many others because they’re just not as big. Anyway, I’m 100% correct. GRRM himself told me so 😤

#asoiaf #fandom analysis #believe it or not this post came to me in a dream

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zedechemist · 1 year ago

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➵ BASICS

NAME: Zedekiah “Zed” Movska GOES BY: Zed AGE / D.O.B. 18th July, 1978 [45 yo] FACECLAIM: Antony Starr GENDER & SEXUALITY: Cis-Male, Questionable. HOMETOWN: Krasnoyarsk, Russia. CURRENTLY:Chinatown, Lower Manhattan. NYC. AFFILIATION: None. [Deals in the Black Market] JOB POSITION: Chemist & Anaesthesiologist. EDUCATION: University Level. P.h.D in Pharmaceutical Science. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single. CHILDREN: None.

➵ TRAITS

POSITIVE: Determined, Loyal, Perceptive and Versatile. NEGATIVE: Cynical, Impulsive, Morbid and Condescending.

➵ BIOGRAPHY

The most dangerous thing about Aqua Regia is not it’s potency to burn through flesh and bone, but that its toxic fumes can choke a man from inside out. Zedekiah Movska can make a person disappear – not from paper, but from existence; you cannot find a body if there’s nothing to find; you cannot find the cause if there’s no chemical trace left to track.

Chemical warfare doesn’t always come in large doses – but in the small ones, the ones that you can’t find in any ordinary autopsy. Those can be far more lethal. Because what’s better than the story of a dead man with no trace of ever being? Makes one hell of a fun investigation.

From a family with heavy ties in the media world; expectations arise that following in footsteps is a likely outcome. That the Movska’s all end up in print and that their names are plastered at the end of every sell out paper that gets published. Zed started that way; growing up in a hard-headed, determined environment that raised children with a heavy hand a less coddling. Businessmen with a violent tongue and a knack for telling stories.

The eldest Movska of three, he found that his interests and theirs differed, subjects that were not where his talents laid. Not quite the epitome of the rebellious teenager, but certainly aware that he was not talented with the gifts required for Movska Media.

It was after almost losing an arm to hydrochloric acid in a botched chemistry class at sixteen did Zed really begin to thrive within another field; a first hand experience of what he could do. A newfound loyalty to science came with an entirely new understanding of the world and how much better it could be if he could control chemicals to fit his spiralling desires to appease his own interests. The way he understood science; medical chemistry and how it could both be helpful and lethal in the right or wrong hands; it was a far touch from the papers his family strived for his involvement in.

With that kind of scientific interest, comes a natural affinity to chemical engineering; one thing into another; something simple into something lethal with a few correct quantities soon let to the developing interest in pharmaceutical chemistry and how easy manufacturing drugs could be; how wanted they are in every class of person.

Suddenly, comes the realisation that just as his family had money at fingertips; used it to buy their way through life; uninterested in his own outside of the familial field, his sourced income could be found in manufacturing. The illegal kind; the little lab in the bedroom sort that led to something more right after school. A loft that was then his and a front that told he was everything his family wanted him to be whilst being everything that isn’t; a small time druglord that would be the biggest Movska story to date if it ever become known.

An irony that still, to this day, Zed finds pockets of humour in.

The fear of getting caught never seemed to bother him, a man detached from the terrors that most find troubling, he finds empty. Brushed aside like it’s the normal, that running a tiny operation in his youth isn’t problematic behaviour; doesn’t see that watching acid burn isn’t something pleasant to be fascinated with, not at least, to the degree Movska does. Wits and natural smarts kept him in the shadows, developing substances that could do everything he knew from the day he nearly lost an arm.

Chemicals can be helpful in the right hands or truly lethal; it’s all about the dosage.

Enrolling and studying pharmaceutical science at Columbia, Zedekiah had a complicated relationship with anaesthesia and its properties; he’d mastered the art of levelling pain and a little too often did his drug knowledge come in handy for something a little darker than simply drug manufacturing and distribution, for the first time then, he’d been witness to how easily he and his creations can become an invisible killer.

Then it wasn’t just once.

And it made some fantastic headlines in the papers.

Any city, in any country, has its degree of shady dealings. When his family branched out outside Europe, he ended up in New York for his continued study, a hotspot and fairly notorious for its underworld; operating like a network, challenged by few; rivalries born of blood feuds and a structure that is unafraid to put civilians in the crossfire. It suits Zedekiah’s ideals well, small time drug maestro in a city that runs on its own set of rules. A man with a name too linked to a status; a front that an alias is fast formed.

New York, during the ending years of his studies; when the breakthrough of where Zed put both feet in the operational world of some of the darkest people in the city birthed Zlotoska as a name whispered through the darkness. A man capable of dealing the things that aren’t mainstream; niche complicated personal recipes as carried from Russia when he first got a taste for chemistry and pharmaceuticals, distributed in quiet small waves. A ripple effect one would say, word of mouth the viper that snatches lives.

Making a name for drug dealing in New York City, with the way the Cartel has its claws in everything is like playing a chess on a board with only the king in play. Zed knows it, never buries himself in it when he’s a Movska with credentials and a name unblemished on paper.

Playing in the black market remains to be a game and eventually, a skill like that never stays as silent as those might wish it to. Not when there’s an even more powerful and quiet force laying in the depths of the underworld that preys on gifted individuals with criminalistic tendencies.

Zed Movska; invisible killer; master of manufacturing. He doesn’t so much mind or care for the name itself, doesn’t change that he remains a specialist in his chosen field; veteran in the chemistry world and ever an irritant in any conference for calling out those factually wrong.

Science is all about being prepared to be proven wrong. Zed’ll be that for all.

A doctor in his own right and able to patch-up when necessary, he’s a physician that hides how capable he is in doing everything but. Zedekiah can play surgeon in some cases but he prefers to leave little to no trace of anyone he treats. It lets him manoeuvre in the pharmaceutical world, planting both feet in the door to easy access drug supplies. That plays favourable in his standing with New York’s medical drug liasons - helps with keeping tabs on the rival trafficking too.

Second to the chemist, Zed can be friendly, he’ll be someone to trust and he’ll be your friend (as long as you’re not a fucking idiot). But he knows what comes first and his fixture to his own often selfish wants will always dominate; that purpose. You trust the man with the alluring smile and the silver tongue until he holds a needle to your arm and says “just a pinch.”; your heart leaps; you breathing hitches and you know you should trust the doctor, but you just can’t quite.

Over the years, Zedekiah has been in and out of New York on various stints; often a year or two at a time out in Russia using his knowledge to extend his reach in his homeland and make an appearance to his family. But despite these small travels over the decades, he likes to think he’s kept steady tabs on New York. He regularly visits Columbia (and neighbouring universities) as a past alumni to take guest lectures for budding chemistry students; this gives him some time out to appreciate what he’s always been passionate about as well as bounce interesting conversations of inquisitive students which he thoroughly enjoys. Can’t stay in the underworld every hour and needs a little air to talk chemistry elsewhere.

When he’s not doing work; the illegal kind or playing stand-in professor, he’s at the medical centre as a consultant. Zedekiah is a busy man - just how he’d like it, idle hands are not something he works well with. It doesn’t work well for others either, so he eliminates indolence at every opportunity.

For a long time, he’s been indifferent to any of the questionable and sometimes traumatic operation he runs, its of illegal calibre (of course) and the fear to get caught doesn’t seem to faze the man; spent so long doing it, so good and trusting in his abilities that his legacy couldn’t be halted so easily by the law. He has no time for those who challenge him. Raised under firm hands – ones that didn’t tolerate disobedience and reprimanded without mercy. For decades, that remained unwavering.

➵ HEADCANONS

He studied pharmaceutical science at Columbia and progressed his specialisms in the chemistry field; anaesthetics in particular, but has capably patched up wounds for his people over the decades and distributed pain relief.

Often found holed up somewhere in his loft apartment in Chinatown ( formerly —with his cousin Lev, who has moved out some years ago) impersonating something of a mad scientist as he does his best not to blow the place to pieces.

Zedekiah has some gnarly chemical burns on his right arm from a teenage chemistry accident. Most of his lower arm is scarred from it.

Nice guy, might burn you with acid, depends on the day.

Pharmaceutical Engineer and Anaesthesiologist.ZedeCHEMIST, ha, get it. OK. Moving on

Raised bilingual, he can speak both English and Russian fluently.

Sometimes takes chemistry lectures at Columbia as a stand-in where he enjoys communicating with students and bouncing interesting ideas back and forth - he considers that the generations have only gotten smarter over the years, sometimes.

Consultant at New York Medical Centre for Anaesthetics; brash about involvement directly with any distribution and a little bit of a perfectionist when in a clinical environment.

Developed and synthesised drugs for large pharmaceutical firms in the past - an easy moneymaker for him personally, but none of his more lethal and toxic creations.

➵ CONNECTIONS

#wb.intro

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skatingexposed · 4 months ago

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The controversial post that split r/figureSkating subreddit and suddenly disappeared (Luckily, I saved the video and took screenshots).

I'm happy I saved the video from whoever this user was before both the post and the user were delete by the biased mods, because they exposed the hypocritical mean girls of r/figureskating subreddit.

Take a look at the screenshots I took above from the users in this subreddit calling out the hypocrisy and bias.

It seems like there’s a double standard when it comes to criticizing non-Russian adult figure skaters for the same issues that were ripped apart when it came to Russian kids and teens.

The same people who were up in arms about "pre-rotation" and "full blade assist" in Russian skaters’ jump techniques are now saying "it’s not a problem" and "doesn’t matter" when it comes to Kaori Sakamoto. Yet, in the video below, she’s clearly showing the so called "full blade assist" and stupid "severe pre-rotation at 3/4", according to a post from a now-deleted account. Funny how those critiques suddenly disappear, for Kaori right?

Here's the deleted video by the way XD

The post was titled "In the Name of Fair Sport: Why does Chaeyeon Kim's textbook 3Lz + 3T get less GOE than Kaori's Full blade and 3/4 Prerotation 3F + 3T?"

The description was actually nice and even praised Kaori's PCS saying it was "superior" (it's not at all. She only has speed and glide---that's it!), but sadly I didn't save the version with the full description since the mods deleted the post before I could.

When I first saw that post, I fully expected it to get downvoted into oblivion—especially in that toxic sub full of Kaori fangirls. But guess what? The post started gaining massive upvotes! Keep in mind, downvoting cancels out upvotes, so even though a bunch of people tried to bury it, even more people were hitting that upvote button, and it soared to over 40+ upvotes, beating out the haters. People might not be saying much, but that silence is screaming.

Now, let’s get real—is "full blade assist" even a thing? Nah, it’s just a petty nitpick. But a ton of fans turned it into a huge issue, attacking innocent skaters left and right. Reddit was full of posts bashing skaters (mainly Russian) over this so-called "technique issue." But suddenly, when it’s Kaori Sakamoto with an even lower pick than Anna Shcherbakova, the whole thing magically doesn’t matter anymore. Anna got dragged to the ends of the earth by the same fans who are now giving Kaori a free pass for her own low pick and severe pre-rotation.

Oh, and let’s not forget—any comments calling out this hypocrisy? Mysteriously deleted by the mods, like they’re trying to sweep the whole mess under the rug.

In the end, the mods couldn’t stop that post from blowing up, no matter how hard they tried to downvote it. Their last-ditch effort? Deleting the whole thing—post, video, and all. And the poor account that posted it? Probably banned for life. Classic move by hypocrytes!

Here are the mods in question:

One of the mods, u/sK8tergater, was seriously the most offended out of everyone in that whole thread, even going toe-to-toe with other skaters who were questioning their aggressive comments. So, is it really a shocker that replies to this exact user mysteriously vanished? Hmm, I wonder who could've done that… probably the mod themselves! What a power trip!

That subreddit was already a mess, but now the mods have taken it to a whole new level by silencing everyone with a mind of their own and critical thinking when it comes to current favoritism given to the likes of Kaori, Isabeau, Loena, etc. I was wondering where all the critical posts went and why it’s been so quiet over there with the issues and favoritism bias I'm seeing in GP events for top skaters. Turns out, the mods are straight-up deleting any criticism that calls out their favorite skaters so they can keep pretending everything’s all sunshine and rainbows. It’s like they’re trying to sweep all the drama under the rug and hope no one notices.

But, alas, after that deleted post the truth reveals itself.

Also here's a bonus round for u/sk8tergater where they say 4 years ago that for the last 20 years pre-rotation was an issue talked about in her rink and then 5 days ago says pre-rotation was never an issue until the last few years because of fans. Doesn't add up now does it? Seems they are "full of shit"

Reddit's r/figureskating is filled with idiots recruiting more idiots to spread bullshit online.

#figure skating #russian skating #japanese skating #kaori sakamoto #censorship #bullies #figure skating prerotation #full blade assist #figure skating drama #reddit dumbasses #reddit idiots #figureskaters #figureskating #chaeyonkim #kaorisakamoto

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blatantescapism · 2 years ago

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@were--ralph

Trans man here!

that is 100% valid, and in fact the MAJORITY of men who take some form of T are cis!

(trans men use more of the higher-dose stuff, cuz our baseline is low.)

My cis uncle started T, at ~50 yrs old, a few years after I came out. He wishes he started way sooner, but he’s happier and healthier now!

It is much easier for cis men to be prescribed T than trans folks. Trans folks have to jump through hoops like therapy and be drilled on every possible risk and downside.

They just happily handed my uncle T without telling him JACK SHIT. He was doing the topical patch and I had to be the one to tell him 1.) that you have to move the patch location around and 2.) that he shouldn’t be putting it on any area that his wife was going to be touching, because it doesn’t know or care *whose* skin is absorbing the man juice. Also 3.) that if you overdose, your body will start metabolizing it into estrogen.

You are way better informed and more considerate than many guys who take T, is my point.

Step one is to talk to your PCP. Say that you feel like your testosterone levels are low, ask to get ur blood tested so you know what your baseline levels are. If your baseline is on the lower end of the range, your PCP will probably go right ahead and prescribe. The range is fairly wide, so even if you’re around average, your doc should be open to letting you try a small regular dose to test it out.

If you need to justify wanting T, tell the doc how you’ve been feeling frustrated and weird about your low libido, and mention you feel like your body isn’t quite right. Idk if either of these apply to you, but if you’ve had lots of fatigue or trouble losing weight, those can be tied to low T levels too.

If your base level T is high, then something else is happening in your body to prevent you from getting the benefits. Taking more T is probably not the answer, and you and your doctor will have to do some sleuthing. (Same story if you start T and it makes things noticeably worse.) At that point you might end up talking to a gender clinic or endocrinologist or whatnot, but as a cis dude you can and should start with ur PCP.

Lots of guys feel weird or conflicted to ask about T. That’s a common and normal response to the fucked up culture of toxic masculinity. It’s common enough that it really shouldn’t be a big deal. The point is, it’s your body, you’re the one who has to live in it, and you are absolutely allowed to adjust it for your own comfort.

If you’re thinking that maybe you want T… that’s actually a pretty strong sign that something is going on and T will actually help a lot. Folks with well-balanced hormones don’t get far on this train of thought. I’m willing to bet that T will improve your overall health, not just your appearance.

Like us trans folks, I advise you to keep your expectations for your appearance reasonable. A rule of thumb is, don’t expect to *dramatically* out-masc your bio dad or uncles.

The pharmacy is going to card you every single time you pick up your T, so keep that in mind. Most health insurance ought to cover it under a diagnosis of “hormone imbalance”.

You can do it!

it kinda sucks tbh. like even though im amab i want T so i can look how i SUPPOSED to and not like.....this

#testosterone #hormone therapy

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xirenex · 4 years ago

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The Ex

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Group: Ateez

Member: Jung Wooyoung

Genre: Suggestive, kind of angst

jung wooyoung x fem! reader - bratty reader, marking

Your ex interrupts you on your birthday night to clear things out.

Word count: 1.427

Warnings: mentions of toxic relationship, swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You felt the seat next to you fill with a familiar presence and furrowed your brows while taking a sip from your cocktail. Sitting by yourself on the bar stool, you were enjoying the pleasant air after the party. It was expected for you to cross paths with your ex since your best friend, the birthday girl, had his best friend as her boyfriend but you had been hoping that he would act ignorant to your presence. However being him, it had never been an option in the first place. You were foolish to think so.

“Jung Wooyoung.”

“Y/S/N Y/N”

You both acknowledged the other’s presence but refused to turn your head and see the other’s face. The party was taking place in a cafe that was used as a lounge bar during the night and it was rented out for the night by the birthday girl who was currently in her boyfriend’s embrace. Since the following day was your birthday, you decided as a group to stay in the hotel who consisted this floor as a lounge. As the hour approached to midnight, the party started dying down, none of you were young enough to go crazy for the night and get wasted but instead, most of the people preferred engaging in other physical activities. Your eyes went to where the couple was standing without even bothering to see your ex’s handsome face, Yeosang cuddling your best friend from behind.

“I wonder if we used to look like that...”

Wooyoung murmured, vocalizing your thoughts while he took a casual sip from his drink with his eyes focused forward.

“Because it looks gross.”

The last part, surely you didn’t agree with. Contrary to Wooyoung, Yeosang was the boyfriend that all girls would wish for. For the first time since he sat next to you, you turned to face him, your anger and mocking expression, as usual, obvious on your face.

“It was gross but it was because you were the one doing it. They look cute and you are a brute for denying that.”

A smirk appeared on his lips while he leaned forward as if he was challenging you.

“Oh... so I guess you were into the part where we used to do what Mingi and your bestie is doing downstairs, hidden in a room, right?”

You sighed. He was impossible, arrogant and was getting on your nerves. An unconscious scoff left you as you got your purse and stood up from the bar stool. As you were speaking, you pulled down your skirt as it had went upwards while you were seated.

“As if. You were the worst kisser I’ve ever had a relationship with.”

A big fat lie.

He was perfect in only sexual area and oh boy, wasn’t he aware of it. That was exactly why, you literally disappeared from his side like a magic trick before he could make an opposing remark. Being single was simply perfect during the days when you have just broken up. You loved being able to do what you wanted to without the necessity of asking, waiting or informing someone else. Jung Wooyoung was one of the most jealous and petty partners you’ve ever been with if not the hardest. He definitely was not good for your self esteem since he never resisted other girls coming onto him and never made you feel precious emotionally. He seemed like a good boyfriend from the outside but it was all an illusion created in your head by your attraction towards the men that your friends warned you about.

After all, it started as a fling.

You found yourself being tied to him each day he ran after you in campus. It was just like the Stockholm Syndrome. The line between consent and obligation blurred as you spent time together.

Sex was fine but on an emotional level, you were exhausted. However, the thing that made you snap wasn’t his lack of attention towards you but the fact that another woman answered his call when he was supposed to be abroad on a family trip.

On days like these where your best friends were all lovey-dovey with their significant others and your low alcohol tolerance pushed you to go for the first man you saw, as if your hormones were never stable enough, you wanted someone to stand by your side and accompany you.

Like your passionately clingy ex Jung Wooyoung never did.

To be honest, he tried his best, although his best was way below the average.

By the time you returned to the real world and got rid of the thoughts of the past on your mind created by the emotions, you realized you’ve arrived on your floor in hotel. The elevator came to a stop with a common sound of “ding” and you walked towards your room. In the elevator, just before you got out, you managed to send a text to the birthday girl to inform that you’ll be returning to your room tonight for some rest. Then, you stepped in to your room, hoping for a bath... or so you thought. Strong arms pushed you in before closing the door to trap you between his arms and looked at you straight in the eye.

“The problem is, honey, I was your only true relationship. Knowing you, you wouldn’t stand anyone who didn’t know how to please you.”

He said, giving you the reply you didn’t allow him to upstairs. You had no idea how he managed to follow you to your room without you realizing but you could feel yourself turning red from anger from the heat rising to your cheeks.

“Jung Wooyoung, get out.”

He made no attempt to draw away but instead, he lowered himself down. He was playing you just like a cat playing with its prey.

“You are not being fair to yourself, kitten.”

A slap landed on his face which left a mark. You knew that your hand would hurt after the effect of the adrenaline took off but it was only a small concern when you considered the predator before you. Just when you escaped from the cage formed by his arms and was turning around to get into the restroom so that he could see himself out, he pushed you back, this time making sure to pin your arms to to wall on top of you with a single hand easily.

“I hate you.”

You hissed, suiting to your pet name. Instead of bothering to reply, he grabbed your bottom lip with his and sucked on it hard enough to leave a mark. It was aggressive but hot, although you would never say it to his face. Therefore, you chose to bite his. If you could not make him leave, you would annoy him to death. That was one of the things you were good at. After all, your teacher was him.

“God, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

He rubbed the point between his brows and breathed in with his eyes closed. In reality, he was actually quite sad thinking about the way you strongly rejected him. Everything in your relationship consisted misunderstandings but both of you were too lazy and he was kind of stupid for not pulling you down to sit in order to have a genuine conversation where you two confronted each other because you had no idea what he was going through behind the stage. That, frankly, boiled your blood even more: being left in the dark where you watched as your relationship grew colder was more suffocating than you initially thought.

“Let me go.”

You ordered.

“And leave my room while I’m still asking you nicely.”

He was strong but you were not weak either, you could throw him out since, somehow, you were sure he wouldn’t hurt you. Opening his eyes to look you in the eye once more, you realized that his irises turned darker.

“Oh no, kitten. No one’s leaving this place until you spill every single rubbish in your heart, mind or wherever it is.”

It was not something you were used to but he was fed up. Something was glinting dangerously in his eyes.

“Although I would never call most of the things that would come out of your body rubbish... Anyways, like this, we can have a celebration of our own for your birthday, too, right?”

You gulped. There was a long night waiting for you.

On contrary, the throbbing part of your lower body was looking forward to this confrontation.

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Hi again :) I’m back with a Wooyoung one shot. I hope you are doing well. As for me, the college entrance exam is just around the corner so it’s kind of stressing these days... ANYWAYS I would like to say that I get requests even if I may not be able to write it immediately so... yeah :) I hope you have a nice day/night wherever you are.

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#jung wooyoung #ateez #ateez wooyoung #atiny #wooyoung fic #ateez x reader #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung imagines #ateez smut

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sweetestlamb · 4 years ago

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No Limits

Summary: Today's episode but minus the lies and with extra sexual tension but it gets resolved, somewhat.

Author's note: Today's episode called me a 🤡 too so in between writing my update for BMTL I wrote this drabble to ease my pain I love that the show keeps teasing us I really do it's delicious but I just wanted them to kiss sooooo badly today so here we go! I could keep going if people like ��👀👀

P.s. Can an Italian tell me what exactly Vinny said to her in episode 3? Netflix says it was stupid idiot but that's stupida idiota and that doesn't sound like what he said to her in the clip. Help a writer out 🥺

She doesn't know if her father would be proud of her, or what she's been doing after turning away from Babel and reforming into a "good guy", it's borderline sanctimonious to consider herself a hero when she had spent most of the night torturing people. The ominous sound of toxic gas flooding the car still swooshes in her head, there was a moment when she'd truly considered going through with it.

Committing murder.

And he hadn't moved a single muscle to stop her, hadn't even uttered her name to pull her back in on the straight and narrow path to righteousness. In the end that had been enough to stop her, he trusted her enough to make the right decision. Every fiber of her being wanted to snuff out their lives the same way they had done to those innocent suffering families, but it was a line she couldn't return from. She should save it for a special occasion, they weren't worth tainting her soul. But there was someone else who was, Babo.

When the opportunity came, she wouldn't hesitate. Her father would have to look away because she wouldn't be stopping that time.

Before she realizes it they are outside her house, her late father's house and he's telling her good night. She'd ran out of excuses to keep sleeping at his apartment. Wanting to see him first thing when she woke up wasn't a reason she could say out loud to him, at least not sober. She was no longer scared of bumps in the night, being alone seemed more terrifying now.

"Drink with me." She whispers instead, falling back on a tried and true plan. They have become regular drinking buddies, using alcohol to cope and detach from the heinous things they see and do daily.

He looks over at her, wistful and searching before nodding solemnly. He unbuckles his belt and slides out of the car, though it is marginal she can see the hesitation in his movement and the night catches up with her. The blood is soaked into the pristine white of his collar, she recalls the hollow feeling in her chest when he didn't answer her calls and she was left with her torturous imagination. His possible death making desperate tears fall despite promising herself she wouldn't cry again.

She makes her way to the bathroom as soon as she enters the eerily quiet space, noticing the way Vincenzo peeks around the corner always on guard and she's thankful for his presence. With him, she's safe.

Pulling open her medicine cabinet she collects packets of gauze, a small bottle of antiseptic alcohol and a bandage, holding the small bundle in her arms before walking back to the living room. She finds him staring at the embarrassing photos of herself that her father had hung on the walls, she couldn't bring herself to take them down. There was so little of her father left.

"Don't let the hair fool you, I was still a heartbreaker back then. I had boys chasing after me." She lies with a smile and when he turns to look at her with those huge eyes she pauses mid step, his eyes survey her face in a distracting sweep before he smirks and walks away.

Maybe summer has come early, that would explain the sudden overwhelming heat that curls around her.

Shaking herself from her daze she calls out to him, "Hey! Come here before you bleed to death. I don't want the mafia coming after me."

The look on his face is his patent I'm going to refuse because I'm a pouty baby look and she intercepts it as she has become custom to doing, grabbing his hand and yanking him over to the kitchen table. For someone so intelligent he still hasn't learned that his refusals are futile around her.

"I'm fine. It's a shallow wound, it'll stop on its own." He argues and she wonders how many other times he has simply left a wound to fester and painfully heal on its own, was that his penance?

She shakes her head, "Why suffer when I can help you? Stop being so stubborn you're reminding me of a certain patient who you love scolding." He grows chillingly still at her words, and again a thought tingles in her mind that there's something she's missing but she presses it aside and pushes him down into the seat.

He doesn't put up a fight, going a little too easily.

"Open your shirt."

He stares at a point on the wall across the room, not responding to her command at all at first and then he looks up at her with dark eyes. She swallows deeply, raising a single brow.

When he continues to look at her without obeying her instructions she grows impatient, repeating herself, "Come on open your shirt I need to clean the wound."

Still he doesn't react and she carelessly tosses the supplies on the table, reaching out with steady fingers to unbutton his starched white shirt. He discarded the jacket earlier, so there are less layers obstructing her way. His face is unreadable as she grabs the smooth button and slips it through the hole, she gets two buttons undone before reaching the center of his chest and as if jolting back to life he suddenly grabs her hand halting her movement.

She stares at him in question, hands still on the button before he sighs at her, "I can do it myself." There's a tightness in his jaw that she can't explain and she has to stomp out the desire to run a finger across that sharp jawline.

"Okay. You do it."

Looking away she tries to give him some space but the sounds of him undressing capture her full attention and she feels her eyes shifting back captivated by the fluid motion of those dangerous hands. Knowing what they are capable of does nothing to douse the fire under her skin. Frustratedly he has a thin white shirt under the dress shirt and she can only faintly see his toned body through the material. She stares harder willing herself to develop x-ray vision, unfortunately those powers do no manifest.

"Surely I don't need to get shirtless right?" He inquires with a smug air and she glares at him, they've been playing this game for a while now. Longer than two adults should be as far as she's concerned.

In lieu of responding she picks up a fluffy cotton ball and saturates it in alcohol before dabbing at the blood on the nape of his neck, as she swipes higher he hisses at the sting and she remembers what her father would do for her when she was young and had scraped her knee. Leaning over his shoulder she puckers her lips and blows, cooling the burn.

She continues this until the cotton is soaked from the dried blood and alcohol and blowing one final time she draws back, this time she feels smugness simmering in her belly. His eyes are blown and pointedly looking away from her, she notices his tight knuckle grip on the seat of the chair as well.

"I'm all done." She announces moving away walking to the small garbage in the corner of the room. His breaths are loud in the quiet of the room, her heart echoes in tandem. Taking a deep breath she speaks without turning around, "You remember where the clothes are right? Get changed so we can drink."

She moves to the fridge to take out the platters of food they had purchased at the market earlier and the bottles of makgeolli, it was that kind of night.

He looks soft and harmless when he comes back out in a large knit sweater, without gel his hair flops across his smooth forehead and she's still not used to this sight, there's a level of domesticity that she's never had with another person. A man.

"I'll go change too." She whispers sidestepping around him, her hands brushing against his.

It's easy to get lost in their escape, slamming back gulp after gulp of the strong cloudy rice wine until her thoughts start to blur and she doesn't know what she's saying out loud and what's only privy to her brain.

When she hears herself monologuing her thoughts as she had ran into his arms in the underpass all she can do is scream internally, she can blame the alcohol but only for lowering her inhibitions really, it hadn't manifested the thoughts.

He looks stricken and oddly amused by her musings until she tells him to get up. That smile is wiped clean off his handsome face.

"I need to test it. Come on stand up." His reluctance is noted but unable to deny her once more he stands, a long suffering look on his face.

She tells him her plan, it sounds crazy even to her but for some reason he doesn't refuse or question her at all. Agreeing to all her stipulations and she's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially not an Italian stallion.

Ten seconds.

That should be enough to hold her over tonight after he leaves her alone. If she can't lay beside him she needs a tiny piece of him.

Taking a running start she dashes across the small distance, slamming into his hard chest enjoying the juxtaposition of his solid body through the soft sweater. He smells amazing, even without his clothes that expensive cologne still lingers on his skin and she nuzzles into his shoulder. Curling her arm around his body she drags him tighter against her chest, her nipples pebbling with the close contact.

It's been longer than ten seconds and she knows she should stop.

But she really really doesn't want to.

Twisting onto his other side she prepares to let go, already regretting it but her sober thoughts are now pushing to the surface and she realizes what this looks like. Peering up at his face she expects to see that unreadable face again, he's annoyingly good at hiding his true emotions it makes her second this all the time.

Her insides churn when she sees the very face she expected. So she detaches and takes a step back prepared to dismiss this whole ordeal, the words denying her feelings for him already on her tongue when the biting sound of wood scraping against the floor fills the room. Jumping a little at the noise she glances over to the direction of the sound and sees his hands holding the chair in a punishing grip. He immediately releases the object at her glance but it's too late, she's already connected the pieces.

"You're holding back." She confidently states stepping back into the space she'd only just abandoned.

She doesn't ask why, that much is all too obvious.

I didn't want you to get hurt.

Being with him will put her in danger she's seen enough mafia movies to know that friends and love ones are always the first to be taken as leverage. So he'd decided all on his own that this, couldn't be and she was better off without him.

"Stupid idiot." She tries her best to repeat those explosive words with the same emphasis he's used when he had spat her in face not too long ago, watching with satisfaction as surprise shrouds his face as the Italian glides off her tongue. She'd been practicing for a while now, mostly curses words.

Fanculo, was still a favorite. What a fun way to say fuck.

She doesn't give him a chance to question her sudden switch in languages, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer, even more so than the hug they'd just shared.

"We're supposed to share everything, even passion." She boldly declares watching with fascination as he still tries to hold on to his semblance of control, the chair squeaks loudly under his hold and she lunges forward putting them both out of their misery.

It feels like coming home.

If your home was a sauna built on an active volcano.

Unlike their hug earlier this time there's no hesitation as soon as her lips touch his liquor moist ones he's already opening up and devouring her tongue. His immediate response makes her hungry for more, peeling his lips open with her teeth she sucks the remnants of the wine from his mouth, eagerly lapping and searching for more. He grunts at the rough treatment but doesn't back off, rather he sinks those capable hands into the depths of her hair caressing her scalp as he tugs at her head, tilting her to the right and moving instantly to the left slotting them even closer together.

The sound of their kissing is messy and loud, echoing in the still of the night.

She breaks apart with sloppy pop, gasping for air and his flushed red face greets her looking every bit as wrecked as she feels.

"Already regretting it?" He teases with an edge that's a bit too real and she yanks him forward, pressing him down into the chair and crawling onto his lap, legs straddling his thighs and their cores meeting through torturous layers. She's burning hot and moist where he's aching hard and rigid.

"Regretting waiting this long." She replies in a clear challenge waiting to see what he'll do.

"We shouldn't do this, partners is enough. You're already in enough danger as is, if they find out that we're..."

He trails off unable to finish the sentence but his clenched jaw speaks volumes. She chuckles coyly from her spot in his lap.

"What? What are we doing? What do you wish we were doing Mr. Vincenzo Cassano? Fucking? " She grinds down into his groin simultaneously and instantly he grips her hips, halting her movement with a bruising hold.

"You're playing with fire." He warns her, she can hear the metallic click of his ever present lighter at his words.

She should be scared of him, he was a world apart from what she was used to even when she'd been working with Babel, manipulation and bribery those things she could do without batting an eye but murder and torture? She'd had never done anything like this before, never. Not until this Italian Korean enigma had walked into her life and shaken it up like a margarita in a mixer. Was she making the right decision? She had no idea, right and wrong had become blurred a long time ago for her. All she knew was that the idea of not kissing him for another second made her want to pull her own hair out.

"I trust you not to burn me up. Too badly."

His eyes flash dangerously at her words and this time he's the one to initiate this kiss, cupping her head gently and dragging her into a sweeter embrace, a simmering heat now licking at her skin. She moans softly as he slips a wet tongue into her mouth, stroking at her back before pushing his hands up the back of her shirt, his hands are sweltering hot on her naked skin and she arches at the rough touch. They kiss languidly breaking apart only to come back together, each kiss wetter and more mind numbing than the last. With soft suckles to her bottom lip he pulls away, she stares at his soft smile as she chases after his retreating lips. Not ready to stop yet. She won't be ready for a long time.

He glowers at her and she waits impatiently for his next move, with strong arms he lowers her onto the table dishes clanging as he shoves them to the side laying her down like she's his last meal. She expels a loud breath allowing herself to be placed on the table, gasping as he stands looming over her.

"I'm the one in the mafia so why am I terrified of you?" He whispers too honestly, looking devastated as he stares at her helplessly all too ready to bolt.

"You don't want to get hurt."

He stares at her with liquid eyes emotions all but spilled across his face, with a whimper he closes the distance between them once more with her guiding hand on his back, this time they meet in the middle surrendering to the flames.

#vincenzo #vincenzo cassano #hong cha young #the tension is killing me #I wrote something without angst for them #it's a miracle

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rosiedoestumblr · 1 year ago

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Well, it subverts expectations. We see him as the more masculine half of the relationship, who would traditionally make the proposal in a hetero relationship.

He is also older, and therefore theoretically more likely to have a level of maturity and to have his ducks in a row that would be conducive to wanting to settle down.

Also, while Matt Maher is cute as a button, it wouldn't be unreasonable to argue that Nathan Foad is more conventionally attractive. He was there in the first season in a Desirable Twink role. The Ship's (Cabin) Boy. There are allusions to him being a subject of interest to all the queer-leaning crew (except Jim). So, conventionally, it may be said that Pete is punching above his weight and Lucius "could do better" and knows it. That Pete would be his placeholder until someone more in his "league" came up. And because of that, that Pete might want to tie him down, in that way people often unkindly talk about averagely attractive men - that they are desperate, insecure and work harder because they know they have to "try" as they are expected to be grateful for the attentions of their partner. Think Harry in Sex and the City. There's a whole arc about it.

So, when pretty, younger, more educated Lucius proposes to world-worn, older and perhaps lower-status Pete, it validates him. It adds an authenticity to the proposal that goes beyond, "Well, he asked, I guess, and in the heat of the moment I said yes, and he'll do for now."

Instead, we see a couple who adore and rely on each other. Who have a shared history and experience. Who have angsted over being apart.

When Pete tells Lucius, "Dude! Blackbeard did this to both of us!" and Lucius responds that he has clearly underestimated some things, he means he didn't believe he meant that much to Pete. Maybe that he believed he cared more for Pete than Pete did for him, and that Pete hadn't been that concerned when he went missing, presumed dead. Realising that Badass Pirate Black Pete had been devastated and grieved for him, admitted to crying every night after losing him, gave Lucius the proof he needed that he really was loved in a way that being told he gives good head and called "babe" didn't.

That was his, "Oh my God, he really does love me, too," moment, probably after a lifetime of not feeling loved for who he is, as he is, and building his snippy, sarcastic armour to shield himself from the world's judgement.

And in proposing to Pete, he's giving him back that moment of confirmation and validation - to a man who clearly doesn't believe he's enough, as he is, because he keeps making up self-aggrandising stories to convince everyone (maybe including himself) that he's worthy of his place there.

I think that's why the proposal feels as significant as it does.

It's also why it bums me out that a significant portion of the fan base seems eager for the relationship to end, in favour of a toxic relationship with a very damaged man. We have a beautiful, mutually supportive and respectful relationship, that doesn't bow to tropes and is rarely represented in media. I wouldn't like to see that taken away.

Can someone please explain why it was so important to me that Lucius was the one who proposed??

Something something Black Pete being better at outward displays of affection (the finger, calling Lucius babe all the time), something something Lucius always being a bit more of a wild card…

#ofmd meta #blackspriggs #lupete #lucius spriggs/black pete #our flag means death #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd spoilers

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chubbybuckydumpling · 4 years ago

Note

Hello, having seen your requests are open, I would like to request your thoughts on

Andy Barber and Reader going on vacation together for the first time (rating up to you)

A Much Needed Vacation

words: 2.5k

pairing: Andy Barber x female Reader

warnings: mentions of smut, implied smut, fluff

A/n: I don’t know why I struggled so much with this, I hope it’s okay. I’m so nervous (because I really want to impress @slothspaghettiwrites ) pray for me please! :)

My Masterlist

Andy had always had trouble making and keeping friends. He had a couple of colleagues and acquaintances, but a true friend he could confide in? Not really no, his past trauma and toxic habit of keeping all his emotions bottled up made him seem arrogant and standoffish.

But then you came along. You, with your perfect smile and golden heart and the patience of an angel. No matter what Andy tried, how distant he acted, you wouldn’t budge. The opposite actually. His behaviour intrigued you and the way he made your thighs clench by only looking at you added to his appeal.

So when you regrettably went to go for a swim in the morning because you felt too exhausted yesterday evening and saw this delicious piece of man in just a pair of trunks? You knew it was time to get that man to become yours.

You situated yourself at the end of the lane Andy was using, thighs spread and calves dunked in the cool water, your swimsuit tight around your body. A smirk plays on your lips as you watch the man of your desire move closer to you until his hand hits the edge of the pool and his head pops up.

You can see from his expression that he did not expect to come face to face with your crotch, eyes wide under his goggles and mouth agasp. He panted heavily and took off his glasses, beard and hair wet, a few droplets running from his forehead. ”Hey, Andy. What are you doing here so early?”, you asked with a smile.

He struggled staying in one spot, because you were blocking the edge with your thighs, hindering him from holding himself up. Grinning, you reached for his hand and placed it on your leg. Andy’s had snapped up to stare at you in shock, yet his fingers tightened around your flesh to keep him steady.

“I like when it’s empty in the mornings. Fewer disturbances”, he answered and lowered his gaze. Now he was right back to watching your crotch and a delicious blush covered the apples of his cheeks. Quickly he glanced to the side to try and be respectful.

You pouted and splashed some water with your foot, “Am I disturbing you?”. Andy squeezes your thigh erratically, “No, absolutely not. It’s a real pleasure that you’re here”, he responded a little too eager, which he must have realised because he started to backpaddle, “I mean that in a really respectful way not that I get off on this or something. That’d be weird”

You raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on your lips, “Not that you’re weird, you’re obviously very attractive and beautiful, not that I’ve been watching you, bu-“, your giggles interrupted him. With a loving gaze you cupped his face, “Wanna race?” Confused, Andy agreed, but before he could part from you, you pulled his face close to yours.

His breath was fanning over your lips and you could perfectly make out all the flecks and shades of blue in his beautiful eyes, “Will you take me on a date if I win?”

You’re very glad you got Andy to open up to you, especially now that you’ve been dating for ten months. Never before have you felt this happy so consistently and even though Andy still struggles with fully discussing his feelings and thoughts, you think that he has been sharing your excitement. You’ve become his rock, the one constant in his life, the shoulder he leans one. In return he treats you with the utmost respect and love. There wasn’t a moment where you didn’t feel like a queen in his care.

Sadly, you couldn't spend as much time with him as you wanted, his work as an assistant district attorney taking up most of his time.Of course that didn’t hinder your growing love for the man, but it left you feeling lonely a lot, particularly because your occupation as an architect allows you to work from home quite a bit.

Once you moved together, you felt slightly more connected to your boyfriend. Falling asleep in his arms every night and waking up with kisses being peppered all over your face was like a dream come true. For the first few weeks, you were in a constant state of bliss, cooking and providing for Andy while he kept you happy and satisfied. Soon enough however, Andy received a new case to work on and your fairytale vision was destroyed. The reality of life settled in and your rose coloured glasses were ripped away.

You still enjoyed living with your boyfriend, every time you saw him, butterflies erupted in your belly, still do, you just wished you could spend more time with him. Never before have you been so in love with somebody. All of Andy’s little quirks and ticks had you weak in your knees. The way he acted so delicate and gentle, especially around you, while his muscles were bulging. To see this huge, sculpted man be so caring and soft made you feel all kinds of things.

But it must have been your lucky day when Andy came home early with a big smile on his face. “Sugar, the case is closed. You’ve got me all to yourself for the next three weeks”, his arms open for you to fall into with loud giggles. “For real?”, you asked, excitement bubbling in your chest, “Yes, for real, honey!”, he grinned and pulled you closer, his beard scratching against the delicate skin of your cheeks as he pressed his lips to your temple.

You’re currently sitting next to Andy on a flight to “You’ll like it, I promise”. Your head rests on his shoulder, eyes closed peacefully. His breathing calms you down and even managed to lull you into a deep slumber. He’s been reading some kind of book and occasionally glanced over to you, checking if you’re doing alright. The flight has been quite calm, smoothly flying over the clouds.

The first class seats are a blessing, the constant stream of food that’s been given to you and the extra leg room added to the whole level of comfort. Andy’s warmth makes you feel very small and cuddly, his muscular frame a stark contrast to your softer, smaller form; a thing that you’ve come to appreciate quite a lot.

“Did you have a nice nap, honey?”, his deep voice rumbles as one of his hands moves to cradle your face. You nod and cuddle yourself further into your boyfriend’s chest, his distinctive smell consumes you as you continue to practically melt into his side. “We’ll land shortly, shortcake. Are you ready to find out where we're going?”, he asks into your hair and nuzzles his nose into your scalp. A loud yawn escapes your mouth, “I guess. I’m just happy to be with you again”, you whisper and turn to face him.

Of all the places Andy could have picked, he chose this particular place, because he knew you would love all the new experiences and adventures it would bring. He’s aware that you love to experience new things with all of your senses, how you become so excited whenever you discover a new smell or feel a foreign fabric under your fingers, the way your eyes glaze over when you spot a novel view or an object of interest. The way you grin when a new taste warms your body, there’s nothing that Andy loves more than seeing you beam with such childlike joy.

“You’re taking me to Marrakesh? No way”, you gasp, suddenly awake. The grin on your boyfriend’s face mirrors your own as excitement courses through your veins. “I’ve never been to Morocco before! Or Africa!”, you stare at him for a split second before your head whips to the other side. The window doesn’t suffice with your sudden hunger to explore the city, you can barely make out any landmarks. Yet you can’t stop squirming in your seat. The wanderlust has fully taken over and you latch onto Andy’s arm, giggling uncontrollably.

Your laughter is infectious and soon your boyfriend is cackling next to you, desperately trying to silence himself when he sees the man next to him staring at the both of you with a death glare. If looks could kill.

The next two hours pass in a blur. Andy maneuvered you through the airport safely and carried most of the luggage as your eyes were trained on the different people that moved past you. The drive to the hotel was no different, your nose practically glued to the window, “Look, Andy, look!”. He entertained you, of course, and looked out of the window every time, a smile on his soft, pink lips, “Good job, shortcake. Did you take a picture?”. The check-in went smoothly, all of your bags stored safely in your room.

You’re sitting on the softest king size bed ever, anxiously waiting for your boyfriend to finish up in the bedroom. “Hurry up, please. I can’t wait to get out to see more of this place”, you shout, phone in your hand to take a picture for your family. “Relax, honey! The sights won’t run away”, he responds with a chuckle. His deep timbre makes goosebumps arise all over your arms. All your excitement must have caused an increase in your blood flow to your lady parts.

With a shake of your head you try to rid yourself of these thoughts. The attempt fails horrendously once Andy comes out of the en suite. His loose, unbuttoned shirt and the form fitting shorts make you weak in the knees. Your boyfriend is just that handsome. The thought of ripping his trousers from his body dissipates quickly when he asks if you’re ready to go see the souks. Hell yes, you are.

The sun is setting while you and Andy overlook the Jemaa el-Fnaa from your table on the restaurant’s balcony. An almost empty plate of cake between you and your boyfriend. He’s holding your hand on the table, gently tracing your knuckles with his thumb. “How’d you like your first day, honey?”, he asks gently, affection clearly shimmering in his eyes.

“I loved it! I don’t know what I liked most? Everything is so interesting and beautiful”, you jump in your chair, giggling happily. “I loved all the different little shops in the bazaar! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many different foods and clothes in one place and everything smelled so good. I really loved all the spices, we should make something like this at home!”

“What, a whole wall filled with spices?”, he snorts, shaking his head, the smile never leaving his face, “I think we should leave the colossal spice walls in the souks”. A pout forms on your lips, but the squeeze of Andy’s hand makes you melt back into your blessed state. “I really loved all the different things they sold. I’m sure you could find about everything there”, Andy pieces the last piece of cake and holds it up to your mouth. You open up to reach for it, but he pulls the fork away just efore you get to it, “Andy!”, you whsiper yell at the grin on his lips.

“What’s the matter honey?”, he asks sweetly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. You playfully glare at him, smirking, “Are you sure you want to play this kind of game, Mr. Barber?”. He nods at you like you’re being his bratty teen, in need for some serious attitude control, “Don’t be all venomous, I don’t like snakes”. As soon as he spoke those words regret washed over his features, “Oh dear, here we go…”

“I can’t believe you’re scared of snakes! You’re the biggest man I know and you’re terrified of snakes!”, you burst out with laughter, tears forming in your eyes. “I just didn’t want it to touch me”, he mumbles, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Please, Andy you should have seen your face. It was a tiny little snake”, you giggle and reach over the table to take his hand into yours again, but he doesn’t budge. “It was laying on your shoulders, it could have killed you!”, you keep trying to loosen up his arms, a few giggles still slipping out. You get out of your seat and move to your boyfriend, “The kind owner was standing right next to me, everything was fine”,

With a sigh, Andy opens his arms and pulls you on his lap. His beard tickles you as he places his head on your shoulder, gently kissing and lapping at your neck, “I just want you to be safe”.

You cuddle further into his warmth, smiling at his overprotective manners, “I’ve got you with me, I don’t think I could be safer”.

A smile on your lips, you turn around to kiss him, his scent envelopes you with a sense of comfort. His soft mouth against your own, the setting sun warming you from the outside, the love and adoration coursing through you from the inside. It’s gentle, full of emotion as if he’s trying to put all his wasted feelings from when he was working so much into it. After a while you pull back, breathing heavily. Your hand cups his face and you run the other through his soft hair, a couple of knots tangling between your fingers.

“I love you, baby”, you whisper like you’re telling him a secret, “I love you too, honey”. A warm breeze blows over you and you turn to watch over the place below you, the last rays of sun painting it in a delicious golden glow. “Let’s ask someone to take a picture of us. Our first day on our first ever vacation together”, you smile and press another kiss to his lips. “I’ll find someone, stay put”, Andy grins and squeezes your hips as a sign for you to move back into your seat.

You watch your boyfriend’s retreating figure, a happy flutter in your chest. You can’t believe that you’re on a beautiful vacation with your beautiful boyfriend and about to take a beautiful picture to glue into your memory book. Excited, you let the atmosphere envelope you, completely floating in all the different sounds and scents. It’s really peaceful, the loud and busy streets quiet for a change.

Andy’s voice coaxes you out of your trance, “You ready, sugar?”. The two of you stand in front of the balcony, his hands rest on your waist when he suddenly bows forwards, making you fall backwards in turn. With a gasp, you reach for his shoulders, holding onto his strong frame. His warm breath grazes your cheek as his blue eyes stare into your soul. You hear the camera clicking, but it’s faded into the background. The only thing you can focus on is your boyfriend and his enticing body, the exposed skin that’s glistening deliciously.

He leans even closer to you until his lips brush your ear, “I can’t wait to have you all alone tonight. Just you and me, finally”. You gulp at the list and arousal in his voice, thighs clenching at his tone, “I’ve been waiting for you all day”.

Safe to say your vacation with Andy was very satisfying.

Taglist: @teetles-and-other-stuff @winteralpine @slothspaghettiwrites @marvels-gurl @gotnofucks

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If you enjoyed my work, please consider leaving a reblog with feedback! It means the world to me. Your support keeps me going

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#Andy Barber #andy barber x you #andy barber x y/n #Andy barber x reader #defending Jacob #Chris Evans #Andy Barber fluff #reader insert #Chris Evans character #Chris Evans fluff #request #a dumpling answers

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havenoffandoms · 4 years ago

Note

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!” geralt and reader, if your still taking requests!

Hey anon! I’m sorry this is a bit later than I would’ve hoped, but this prompt took some figuring out. In the end, I went for a witcher!reader (I kept it genderneutral, since you didn’t specify. I hope that’s okay). Not sure how it came out, but I hope you like it anyway!

Prompt: 47. “Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

Warnings (start after the cut): canon-typical violence, brief description of animal killing, graphic description of blood and injury, swearing, (feral) witcher!reader. Phew, this is on the angsty side. I needed to get that out of my system, clearly.

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You don’t really know how you ended up in this place, much less how you and your companion will find a way out of here. You hear Geralt curse next to you, which only has you rolling your eyes at him. Like cursing and sulking will be any help at all. You bite back the sardonic comment sitting at the tip of your tongue, because as much as you like to think otherwise, your sarcasm won’t improve your situation either.

You re-adjust the two swords strapped to your back and thumb your medallion the way you always do when you’re feeling jittery before a hunt. You feel the Cat-shaped pendant vibrate as you take several steps into the unknown territory you and Geralt portalled into. Your mutated green-yellowish eyes and your keen ears are alert as you take in your surroundings. The place seems deserted, but you know better than to lower your guard. In your line of work, danger is always just around the corner.

“I told you not to step through that stupid portal,” Geralt grouses next to you. You heave a long-suffering sigh and level him with an unimpressed glare.

“For the last time, I thought it was our only way out of there,” you tell him before returning your attention to the strange environment. Everything is quiet… too quiet. “Besides, the toxic fumes were filling the room and we would’ve died of asphyxiation. You’re welcome.”

“Fuck, Y/N. Can’t you see this is a trap?”

“Of course it’s a trap,” you snap, whirling around so you can face Geralt and glower at him, “but we’re alive, aren’t we, which we wouldn’t be if we stayed in that godsforsaken cave!”

“You don’t know that!”

“You didn’t have to follow me,” you challenge him as you step up to him until your faces are mere inches apart, “you could’ve stayed in that cave and died, for all I care! So don’t blame me for your predicament. You had a choice to make, and you made it! End of discussion.”

You feel your anger coursing hotly through your veins, but you will yourself to calm down by taking a few controlled breaths. Now is not the time to lose yourself - you need to be alert, and ready to fight whatever monster decides to attack you first. It turns out neither of you have to wait all that long for the first ambush. You hear the growling of wolves before you see them. You and Geralt both unsheathe your silver swords at the same time, eyes riveted on the pack currently surrounding you.

“Ready?” you ask, a feral grin spreading on your lips as you feel the anticipation rise in you with each passing second.

“Always,” Geralt replies before stepping forward and piercing the first wolf with his sword. Instinctively, you bounce onto the ball of your feet and run in the opposite direction towards your half of the pack. Your movements are light and graceful as you bring your sword far above your head, then down with enough brute force to decapitate the first beast. Before a second wolf can jump at you, you pirouette out of the way, then slash at the wolf’s belly. A third and fourth one flank you, but you manage to roll out of the way in the nick of time. You make quick work of the remaining wolves, and when you turn around to check on Geralt, you see the other witcher panting heavily among a heap of dead wolves. Your eyes meet, but he doesn’t match your giddy grin.

Geralt, always the soft-hearted son of a bitch.

“Let’s go,” you urge him as you wipe the blood off your sword with the hem of your shirt, “like our instructors at Stygga said, where there’s a way in, there has to be a way out.”

You hear Geralt grumble something unintelligible under his breath, but you decide to ignore him in favour of searching for said way out. As far as you’re concerned, he can either be part of the problem, or part of the solution. You know which side you picked. Eventually, Geralt falls into step with you, and the two of you scan your surroundings in a companionable silence. While Geralt seems unsettled and nervous, you find yourself smiling as you saunter through these strange lands. You always affectioned chaos more than order, anyway. Chaos is your element.

You know Geralt doesn’t feel that way, but that’s why you two are the perfect match. Opposites attract, or so they say.

After a while of walking around the place and not encountering other enemies, you’re beginning to think that whoever is in charge of this place wants to toy with you and Geralt. A mage is behind this, there’s no doubt about that, and a clever one at that. They, whoever they might be, must be observing you from afar. It’s like an elaborate game of cat and mouse. The thought makes you smile, and you thumb your medallion again.

You always enjoyed a good mouse chase.

Eventually, something begins to change. The world around you darkens as black clouds roll in over your heads, heavy with the promise of rain and thunder. When the first drop of water hits your skin, you feel an unfamiliar itch right where it hit you. Not thinking much about it, you poke your tongue out and catch the raindrop that hit your lips. The tangy, metallic taste of blood fills your mouth… and that’s when you see it. This is no regular rain. This is a shower of blood.

How very dramatic!

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough,” Geralt shouts over the low rumbling of thunder, “turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

“Geralt, look!” You point north, where your keen eyes caught the sight of something shimmering in the distance. “The portal! Run, we don’t have much time.”

You sprint in that direction, confident that Geralt will be close behind you - or at least, you hope he is. You don’t look back and make a beeline for the portal in the distance. The rain falls harder, lightning hitting the ground right next to your feet. It is only thanks to your feline-like reflexes that you manage to dodge the treacherous strikes. Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see that Geralt has caught up with you and is expertly sidestepping various monsters the mage conjured out of nowhere. The portal is just within reach. You’re almost there… almost… Then you hear it. The distinct sound of something tackling Geralt to the ground. You stop dead in your tracks, your eyes darting between your freedom and the witcher you have come to care very deeply about. Your heart is racing in your chest… the choice really shouldn’t be so difficult.

“Y/N!” you hear Geralt call out to you, “Y/N, save yourself!”

He’s giving you permission to leave him. You briefly consider doing just that, your eyes lingering on the portal. You think that if you’re fast enough, you’ll be able to make it. But a small voice inside your voice tells you that this is more than that. This is the mage toying with you both now. Why else would the portal remain open for so long? Whoever they are expect you to leave Geralt behind… and you won’t give them that satisfaction. You unsheathe your sword and fight off the beasts - nekkers, as it turns out - tackling Geralt to the ground.

“What are you doing?” he roars, and there’s a desperate edge to his tone that you’re unfamiliar with, “Y/N, save yourself! The portal…”

You ignore Geralt’s protests as you feel your blood rage consume you. Geralt’s voice dies in his throat at the sight of you butchering the group of nekkers which a few seconds ago had been pinning Geralt to the ground. You aren’t aware of your own movements anymore, your emotions having well and truly taken over your instincts and lowered your inhibitions. Only when you’ve killed every last nekker do you hoist Geralt to his feet and pull him towards the portal once more.

You don’t know how you made it in time - perhaps the mage took pity on you - but the next thing you know, you feel yourself fall through the portal. You feel like being dragged through space and time by a hook attached to your navel. It’s uncomfortable and painful, but over within several seconds. The air in your lungs is knocked out of you when you hit the ground with brute force. You hear the distinct snapping of bones as both you and Geralt collapse on the forest floor, followed by pained groans falling from both your mouths.

“Fuck!” he curses breathily, “That was close.”

“Too fucking close.” You hiss as you try to push yourself up onto your knees. “Shit! There go my ribs.”

“Tell me about it. I think I broke my arm.”

“We’ll live,” you state conversationally, as if you were discussing the weather. A near hysterical laugh pushes past your lips. “Shit, Geralt. I was right. I told you if there’s a way in, there’s always a way out.”

You watch Geralt roll onto his side and sit up, face pulled in a pained frown as he cradles his broken arm to his chest. Your eyes widen at the sight of him, caked in dry blood from the torrential rain, giving Geralt a near feral look. You guess you don’t look in much better shape if the look in his amber eyes is anything to go by. You manage to crawl up to him and catch his lips in a sloppy kiss.

“Thank you,” he whispers in a gravelly voice in between heated kisses, “for coming back for me.”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” you tell him, “you’d have done the same for me. You wolf witchers are all self-sacrificing bastards.”

“Only for the people who deserve it,” Geralt adds as he cups your face with the hand attached to his good arm, “make of that what you will.”

You offer a kinder smile, your eyes softening as you take in the sight of your lover. You’re both alive. You both made it. Not that you ever doubted that for a second. Well… maybe for a tiny second.

“I’ve told you before. I can be very likeable, when I’m amenable to it.”

#geralt of rivia #geralt z rivii #geralt #witcher geralt #geralt x reader #geralt x y/n #geralt x you #the witcher x reader #the witcher x y/n #the witcher x you #reader insert #cat witcher reader #witcher reader #havenwrites #prompt fill #request open

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prose-for-hire · 4 years ago

Text

Christmas break

[A (super late) part of my 12 Days of Christmas fics]

Part Two

Pairing: Spike x reader

Request: Could I please request an angst spike. Where the reader and spike are together but get into a huge argument because spike thinks they are sleeping with Angel. Spike says some really hurtful things and when the reader bites back he almost hits her (if you don't like the hitting part you can leave it out)

Requested by: Anon - hope this is what you wanted love 💜🖤

Warning: Spike hits a wall, near you. He’s jealous and threatening. Bit of a toxic relationship.

A/N: It’s the first Spike fic I’ve done without resolving an argument I think. It can be draining to write and I originally took it off my 12 days of Christmas because it was a little hard to write at first (I love Spike and I like to ignore his scarier side)

You and Spike were approaching your second anniversary. Two sometimes blissful, often jealousy-filled, years together.

Spike was aware that he got jealous. He called it ‘passion’, but at least he was somewhat self-aware at times. He tried to push it deep down. Stop flying off the handle at any insignificant interaction you had with strangers. But he found it hard.

You had planned to go to the Christmas markets that had popped up in the middle of the town that evening. You asked Spike to come but he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay in watching tv. He actually wanted you to stay in with him, he pulled you into him and all but pleaded.

You kissed him briefly but still left. You had been really looking forward to this after all. He shrugged, telling you he’d wait up. He said this a lot, he was always awake during the night so he would have never fallen asleep before you came home. He said it because it made you smile.

At the Christmas markets, you bumped into Angel. You smiled, he appeared to be alone too. So, you decided to walk around together.

You and Angel were friends. He was a comforting presence, and he didn’t feel the need to fill every silence with needless conversation. You had a nice time, you laughed and checked out all the little stalls together. He had been a bit embarrassed that he had been there and alone too, but you had immediately put him at ease.

What you didn’t realise was that Spike had followed you. He didn’t know why he had done it. He had driven himself to the point where he couldn’t focus on the television anymore. He had worked himself up into a frenzy. Wondering what you were doing, who you were with.

He had been watching you and Angel. He cursed and blinded but stayed hidden. Stayed to the shadows. Your interaction irritated him. Every lover he had ever taken, there he was. Angel just getting in between you. Conspiring against him. Against his love.

You had been different though, than the loves of his past. It had been so good. Your relationship had been incredible. The best either of you had ever had, the kind strangers on the street envied. He adored you, the honeymoon phase was beautiful. You revered each other. Put each other up on this pedestal. Loving the idea of love and not necessarily seeing the truth of the person before you. The love was fierce, burning bright. But now the flame was catching, threatening to burn the entire house down.

Spike didn’t say anything when you came back from the market. He let you gush about the cute stores and the trinkets you had bought. He was trying to figure out what to do, especially when you didn’t mention that you had been there with Angel the entire time.

He tried to calm down, tell himself you wouldn’t do that to him. But as the week went on, his anger moved from a simmer to it bubbling dangerously below the surface.

You had fun together in that week, though. You and Spike lounged in bed. Baking Christmas treats. Even going for evening walks in the crisp air. All had been good. Festive even.

That was until the Friday before Christmas. You went to Angel’s. You shouldn’t have lied to Spike about where you were going, you knew that. You needed to have a life outside the crypt though and you maintained that it really was innocent with Angel. But Spike wouldn’t get it.

He counted to ten before grabbing his jacket and following you. He didn’t like to do it, it guilted him to. But he needed to be sure or he would go mad.

He turned the same corner as you had moments before, seeing the familiar house. Angel’s house.

He stopped dead. He went cold at the idea you had said you were going elsewhere. You had lied. People only lied when there was something to hide.

You had gone in and greeted Angel. He had made you laugh and he was in a good mood, telling you a story about something from the past. He didn’t like that you dated Spike, but he liked you so let it slide. Maybe he did harbour a little affection for you, but he had never acted on it. He liked your company though. You were understanding and you were comfortable to be around.

Spike had moved to the window of Angel’s bedroom. He watched for a while.

Eventually he turned from his spot at the window, his jaw tensing. He leaned against the wall, he was so annoyed. So pissed off that he had almost trusted you. Almost hadn’t come out and checked up on you.

He had seen something he didn’t like. He stormed off, to the crypt. Shaking in anger.

It was early morning when you returned and the chill in the air was almost a relieving sensation compared to the rising temperature inside your home. Spike was pacing, swearing and kicking various objects that had been torn down. He had pulled all of the Christmas decorations down in a rage, the tree was tipped over with baubles cracked and littering the floor.

“Spike?” You frowned around the room as you entered. There was tinsel everywhere and he stalked over to you.

“I saw you, y’know. At the markets, all loved up” he accused. You frowned, trying to figure out what he meant for a moment.

“Oh, this is about Angel?” You questioned, “It’s not like that, we’re just friends” You explained calmly. You were used to this line of questioning by now.

“Friends don’t stare longingly into each other’s bloody eyes until they’re practically shagging…” He swung around and kicked a pile of Christmas crap to the other end of the room, “Eye-shagging!” He confirmed, pointing at you now.

“We looked at each other, you really don’t need to read so much into it”

“Only a guilty party would be so calm” He pointed as if he had caught you out. He didn’t know why he did this, why he even wanted or expected to catch you out. It drove him mad, but he couldn’t avoid it. Couldn’t escape the feeling.

“You’d say the opposite if I was defensive! Spike, I’ve told you so many times you’re the only one for me” You pointed out, finally raising your voice, “Why can’t you just trust me?”

“Because you would rather be in his bed than mine” Spike shouted in your face, almost spitting in his anger. He had followed you again.

Your eyes went wide, you didn’t like shouting. You whispered a silent prayer that you wouldn’t cry before you replied.

“And how do you know that I was in his bed, hm?! Because you were following me again!”

“So, you admit it! You were in his bed!”

“I sat on it for about two seconds while he was looking for something he couldn’t find!”

He was so mad. You don’t think you had seen him this mad. Well, not since you had spent an afternoon at Xander’s without him.

He had backed you against the wall where the Christmas tree had once stood and he kicked it out of the way for good measure. Your back hit the wall and you had nowhere left to go.

“I shouldn’t have lied, Spike, I’m sorry for that but I knew that something like this-” you tried, one last time, to reason with him as he boxed you in.

The space between you gone, making you feel as confined as you already felt in the relationship at times like this.

“You thought you could bloody get away with it!” He snarled, “Why do you do this to me!?”

“I didn’t do anything!” You shouted back this time, with the same malice. Same disappointment in him. Yes, you had lied. Because you wanted a break from Spike’s shortening leash. You couldn’t spend every waking second with him. You needed friends, even time to yourself without being interrogated. Screamed at over nothing. Something he had made up in his head.

Shouting back just made it worse, angered him more. He was desperate. He was losing you. He was sure of it.

His hand curled into a fist. He swung backwards and you closed your eyes briefly. You heard a loud thud. He had punched the wall in his frustration. It cracked so deep around the crypt you thought you might be buried here. Under the rubble and baubles from the tree.

Trapped in there with only his jealousy for company.

He had done well to hide his violent side when he was angry for the most part with you. But the idea of you with someone else, no, with him, made it too hard to control himself. He was so angry, but he saw the way you had looked when he had punched that wall. It worried him that you were starting to turn away from him for good.

You ducked from where he was blocking you in and went down to the lower level of the crypt. You had decided that you had enough.

He followed you around the room as you picked up anything you could tell was yours. He ran after you, trying to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. But you flinched away from him, leaving his eyes widening. His gaze dropped and he looked ashamed. So ashamed it almost made you want to reach out and comfort him.

But you didn’t.

You packed a bag instead. You were leaving. You had no plan, you weren’t sure if it was permanent or not. You needed space. His accusing and his jealousy was getting too much. You wanted him, you adored him on a good day. But it was too much. His possessiveness that was turning to anger more frequently.

You went back upstairs, ready to leave. The tears making your eyes blur.

“Love… you know I would have never-” The panic rising in his voice as he saw how serious you were. You couldn’t go… you couldn’t just leave this way. He stepped in front of the crypt door, blocking your path.

“I don’t know that, Spike. That’s why I’m going”

“I love you, more than anyone will ever love another. Don’t do this, pet- you don’t want to leave, do you?” His voice wavered at the end. That was what this all came down to. He was afraid you would go, not realising he was doing exactly what would to make this happen.

It broke your heart the way he phrased this. You had promised him you wouldn’t walk out on him. That you wouldn’t hurt him like this. But he had broken the promise he had made to you, that he would always make you feel safe. Right now you didn’t. You weren’t scared of him, you were scared of his jealousy. The way his insecurity burned brighter than his love for you, his trust.

You just stared at him, your face unmoving. He eventually moved aside, allowing you to leave. His face downcast, his biggest fears coming true.

Losing you. At a time that he particularly struggled with. He hated Christmas, this time of year. Memories and things he would rather not think about. It had all felt better with you by his side. But now he had driven you away.

You didn’t look back. So many contradictory thought swirled around your mind. You adored that man but living with him this way. It was too hard. He made you feel dangerously safe with him to the point where you knew there was nobody else for you. But then he acted in this way.

You didn’t really know where you were walking until you found your destination. Your feet had just taken you there.

Buffy was out of town and Xander and Anya was too many people in that basement of his, you didn’t want to squash in there too. Willow didn’t really like that you were with Spike, so you didn’t want to go over and hear an I-told-you-so.

You guiltily went to Angel’s not knowing where else to go. Angel had become all you had.

#Spike #Spike btvs #Spike x reader #Spike x you #Spike imagine #btvs #12 days of xmas #12 days of christmas #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagines #btvs imagine #btvs x reader #btvs x you #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #angel #angel btvs

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beneaththemasks · 4 years ago

Text

Analyzing Atsushi and Akutagawa pt.1 (I have a lot to say so there's gonna be a part 2)

CW: Dazai hate

first of all I want to clarify that I don’t think any of this is going to happen but it’d be really nice if it did... however, since BSD is a fiction story and my analysis is based on what would be ideal in the real life I don’t think it’s too likely for this to happen.

I think Atsushi should leave the ADA and Akutagawa should leave the Port Mafia.

To begin with, I’d like to tell you how I came up with this idea;

The thing is that in the BSD fandom there’s this (sadly too popular) discussion about Atsushi being a good, strong and entertaining main character or not. Many times I’ve seen people discussing this as if it was simply and wholy a matter of yes or no and the more the discussion grows the more angry I get (but i get angry too easily so don’t mind me).

In my opinion Atsushi is not weak, I actually don’t think any character in BSD is tbh (I mean they’d beat the shit out of me even if they don’t know how to fight because all ever do with my life is sit on my tiny piano and play my silly little mozart). But leaving the physical strenght aside, I still don’t think he’s a weak/strong or boring/entretaining character. I think the charm of Atsushi as a MC lies elsewhere.

Yes he’s pretty, he’s kind, he has an e-boy haircut and I’d let him step on me with those worn-out dirty boots.

But he’s also a common person living among prodigies and demons.

(Really, I feel like standing up and appaluding Asagiri for choosing Atsushi as the mc and writing him the way he did because there’s nothing that could make my shitty life better than knowing that the protagonist of my favourite story in the world is someone I can relate so much to that I actually ended up learning more about myself through him.)

And yes, we’ve seen this happen many times in countless stories (yes yes haikyuu for example) where the plot worked as good as any other even though the MC took longer than the rest to get to where they were but managed to do so in the end (unlike the typical shonen mc that levels-up overnight) plus what people mostly criticize about Atsushi as a MC are his constant war flashbacks and how much he self-doubts himself.

So I came to the conclusion that it's not really Atsushi and his journey as a MC but his unresolved trauma what seems to annoy the audience instead.

And that’s how I came up with a fiction-breaking answer to your problems; If you want Atsushi to stop suffering over and over again for the same things, he has to leave the ADA and get some real therapy.

(Don’t misunderstand me, even if I accept him and love him as he’s now, I’d still love it if this were the real final for him bc it hurts me to see him suffer all the time.)

Think about it, Atsushi is just a poor boy, abandoned by hell itself and thrown into the street in the worst conditions a human being could be just to end up running into a maniac manipulator with a good heart that offers him a roof over his head on the condition he accepts a job that Atsushi himself says doesn’t want and is too afraid to be a part of and that he tried to leave once but failed to do so and then felt too guilty to try again because he eats guilt and remorse with milk for breakfast so now he has no choice but risk his life, face his archenemy physical pain to beat his enemies and constantly fear that he might not be doing what’s right or being good enough while having a huge responsibility on his bare shoulders.

As it stands, his situation can only be explained by that famous saying “it’s not that you don’t want to grow/heal, it’s that the environment is not apt for you to do it”. Yeah, no wonder he hasn’t made any progress overnight and feels so hopeless at times.

I love everyone in the ADA (not you Dazai) and their found family made out of scraps and angsty love is all I ever whish for, but just because he’s finally found people to rely on that care about him doesn’t mean it’s enough to heal so much damage (suprise suprise your family and love won’t always be enough to heal trauma). Atsushi won’t overcome his fears by facing them head-on nor will he become more independent by fighting on his own (actually we all know he hates fighting alone and that’s because he’s not in a place where he can trust in himself yet) instead, it’s very likely he’ll end up pushing himself to the limit to get “stronger” faster and end up loosing sight of himself.

And here's where Akutagawa enters.

The reason why I also mention him is because Akutagawa for me is the perfect example of why Atsushi has to stop now before it’s too late.

Akutagawa has been past the point of no return for a long time now, he’s fought so hard to get "better" faster for the sake of being recognised by Dazai that he stopped recognising what’s real and what’s not. Akutagawa is already strong enough and has everything he needs but can’t recognise it because he works in a place where the more and faster you kill the better you are, so even though he’s the most feared member of the PM he doesn’t believe it because he hasn’t heard Dazai saying it.

To me it makes perfect sense that Dazai insists so much on making them face each other, I mean, Atsushi has everything Akutagawa wants and Akutagawa has everything Atsushi wants and as long each they stay blinded by their own unrealistic expectations they’ll keep risking their lives for something they will never accomplish under those circumstances, it turns into a vicious cycle where Dazai seems to be the only one benefiting from this since he now has two UltraRare awakened subordinates to fight for the sake of his book or whatever he wants. (but don’t let me get too excited about this topic ‘cause I could talk about Dazai for 3 days)

Yes I know I know, it was a very good thing that Asagiri decided to break that toxic vicious cycle and made one of them think for both to finally make Atsushi challenge Akutagawa to stop killing for six months as a condition to fight with him (that's called GROWTH, breaking out of the cage, abandoning the nest, etc).

But unlike Atsushi, Akutagawa doesn’t have many people to rely on when the time all of his enemies show up -after mori has beaten the fuck out of him for not showing results and lowers his rank to the same Oda had- to make him pay (let’s be honest the mafia couldn’t care less about the errand boy).

Basically, Aku has to leave the Port Mafia in order to stay safe, gain perspective and find a reason to live of his own rather than sit and wait for dazai to approve of his every move (the same goes for Sushi, he has to stop throwing himself off of high buildings to save people and stopping bullets with his mouth to be validated by his peers).

But yeah, Akutagawa is probably not going to leave the PM and Atsushi is probably not going to leave the ADA but as someone who really wants to see them doing some real growth and barely stands this “just forget your trauma and fight” thing that’s going on I had to say it.

I mean, look at Dazai, it was no untill Oda told him he clearly wasn’t going to find a purpose to live that he decided that mayyyyybe the PM was not a good place to try spiritual healing.

What’s more, I’d say almost every single character in BSD is too fucked up to be able to heal in the kind of environmet they work at and that they must have let the pain sink or whatever bc they jsut don’t want to change their lives but idk man that’s fine if it makes them happy.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd manga #bsd akutagawa #bsd atsushi #sskk #analysis time

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border-spam · 4 years ago

Note

Does troy really have a split jaw or is that fanon?

It's total fanon!

The design of the split lines across his cheekbones and chin coupled with the cheek clips and v shaped hinge outline next to his ears lead to a lot of people coming to that same outcome, that there is something up with his mouth from a prosthetic/mod standpoint.

So much of his design is never mentioned once or referenced in any way (hightech spinal rig with tattoos under it, neuro connector, mech arm that's much older and doesn't seem related to the spine and neuroport, implants on bicep, face mod etc) that like Tyreen's scars and possible lower body Siren markings, fandom took over when it came to coming up with logical explanations for 'em.

This actually touches ground with some Ao3 comments I wanted to share as they are all Leech Lord compliant, so I'll list them here alongside links to the fics they were related to (note warnings!)

You leave no avenue for characterization unexplored. Troy's facial prostheses finally receiving backstory is amazing

- Maw (Gore/Bodyhorror)

I LOVE the idea of it being not just decorative shit on his face, but my MO for any content I make is always based around asking why, over and over, and trying to make sense of what material I'm using in the first place. The modded mouth is a popular piece of fanon but you know... why? Why would he do that shit to himself. WHY would he want to be grotesque, why would he be chasing the reaction people would have to it when canonically he seems to really not be interested in fan attention the same way Tyreen is, what's the difference to him between being adored as his persona or being lusted after as a monster, etc. I just love deep-diving into the logic behind character and world building? It's what adds meat to the bone for me.

Big 'ol character and worldbuilding / lore responses list under the cut -

He could afford better robots but these ones UNDERSTAND Ty, don't you get it?

- Good night in (tooth rotting fluff)

Hey just because it's mangled and broken, and can't perform its intended function to a degree expected of it by everyone around it... and it's got rusty sharp bits it accidentally hurts you with sometimes... and it's cranky but it doesn't mean it... and sometimes it errors out in a way that's mildly disturbing in a way you can't place.. uh.. doesn't mean you should just GIVE UP ON IT you know? He can fix them :) They will be fine :) No one should just throw away something that's trying so hard just because it's damaged... haha... :')

It's so hard seeing how much they tear each other down when they're the only thing they have left. And what a poor self-image Tyreen has beyond all that glitter and bluster...

- Wolf in sheep's clothing

The twins function well enough as a unit till tensions rise, and I was trying to seed in The Leech's influence on them in earlier work like this too - towards anyone else Ty would become MORE aggressively confident, more assured in her complete and utter dominance of the situation, her flawlessness, but against Troy who see's her for what she is, it turns inwards and eats at her instead of lashing outwards. He switches from relatively submissive around her to almost surgical levels of dissection, he knows exactly how to go for the jugular with words, and doesn't hold back. She's The Leech's mouth but he's its eyes and it's only when they lose control emotionally enough for it to claw to the surface of their psyches that you get an idea of how much it really affects them individually. GB had an absolute goldmine on their hands here of cosmic/body horror and the concept of toxic family when all you have is each other, there's so much to work with, and I figure it's a factor in why some people still really enjoy messing around with Calypso content.

I like how you allow Troy to be a disabled character, how his congenital defects and prosthetics colour his outlook and appear in ways big and small in all these vignettes. It's easy, I think, to see him as largely untroubled by his health apart from when he needs a charge from Tyreen in the game, but you allow him to struggle with his weakness.

- Chronic (Drug use)

I'm really glad to hear that's coming through in the writing because it's something I noticed a lot too. Very often when Troy, or other characters canonically disabled / chronically unwell are written it's "told" and not "shown". Chronic pain, illness, it's not something that is just a little tickbox in a life or some descriptive terms added to a character synopsis, it's something you live and deal with. There are bad days. There are times it is a negative that has to be worked around or faced in ways that aren't pleasant. It doesn't make you lesser or weak to have times where illness does leave you unable to function to a level you want to, it's not a failure for you to be unable to perform tasks when a disability or flair up means it's not viable. I feel personally that by showing scenes like this where his health and body issues do have a very visceral and impossible to ignore the effect on his ability to function, and going through his mental processes of dealing with and managing them, it brings the character across as stronger than if he never seemed to be shown dealing with symptoms or weaknesses. People are more than their disabilities and conditions, those aren't just kinda taglines to add onto a character's description and then never address. I feel like doing that in a way undermines what people deal with who manage chronic illness, pain, and who have disabilities that affect their daily lives negatively. Appreciating the effort it takes to manage them is important.

What I really like about these is that you can really understand as a reader how their dynamic must have evolved. How even before Leda's death Tyreen would have felt demonized while Troy got the attention because of his condition, because he was less willful.

- Starlight, Moonbright

Ah man, absolutely - and that shit stayed with them. It wasn't his fault and he never wanted it, but of course their parents would have had their extremely ill child at the forefront of their thoughts, especially during weeks when he was.. bad. Tyreen by nature even without The Leech's influence is a little attention seeker, she'd be the life of any party and she BLOSSOMS if she's got the spotlight, but as a little kid who's got literally no one but her parents and her brother, and who all three of which can't give her nearly as much time as she deserved? That's rough. That's really unfair. That coupled with The Leech's warping effect on their egos as they grew up and the bitterness and resentment they harbored in different ways created a reverse dynamic. She'd never be out of the Galaxy's attention again, and he'd have no choice but to take his rightful place in her shadow.

I love how you illustrate both how much more, and yet how much less Troy is now. How the blameless child, full of potential, is inextricably linked to the brutal, larger-than-life avatar he fashions.

- DeLeon ( Graphic Violence / Gore / Hallucinations)

He's molded the monster he is now out of the bones of the man he should have been - there's no going back really. There's nothing left to go back to. He broke Troy DeLeon apart to build the persona that acts like an iron lung now, suffocating him breath by breath while forcing him to still take them. That life is over, he killed it before it had a chance, but the idea of it is still there in his subconscious. Somewhere in the absolute trainwreck of Troy's brain is the tiny, flickering belief that maaaaaybe one day this will all be over and he can shuck off the bracer and spines, peel off all the shit he's covered his skin with, and just go back to not being Calypso. DeLeon here isn't some aspect of his mental state or his sins haunting him - it's The Leech, spitting venom at a host it loathes in something that's not sound or comprehensible language. His subconscious has just translated it into something it can understand - his greatest regret.

On if Borderlands Humans originated on Earth -

There's a really tenuous link between BL verse and rEarth, but it's there and can't be ignored. The cultures, accents, terminologies, so many are Earth specific despite these people being spread across galaxies, so hell yes - Earth as an emergence point makes total sense. The next question then, is why is it never mentioned - and you can cover for that with a lot of things like say, tt was so long ago that it's not relevant to anything that would ever be discussed, or it could be a mass evacuation from a catastrophe there is little record of now. I like to go with something along those lines, that the first human Siren host emergence on earth just absolutely decimated the planet. Like, we were doing fine till this random woman somewhere in the ass-end of nowhere develops weird markings overnight, then goes apocalyptic. The first Leech maybe, not understanding her powers and having them rip across continents in a spread of crackling electric death that only left husked shells of plants and animals in its wake, or the first Firehawk who went nuclear and burned the sky, or the first Voidgrasp who lost control and began to collapse the planet's core - some extreme shit that had humans fleeing en masse with barely any preparation and HUGE swathes of history and knowledge left behind. That would cover so many social things surviving into the BL verse, cultures, accents, cooking, that shit comes with us regardless of what we were able to throw into escape ships. Like so much data would be stored on any tech and data arrays within the vessels people would use to leave a dying planet even in an insane rush, but that shit waters down over time - if you're farming barely edible plants on some planet that smells like farts, are you really gonna be that stressed about teaching your kids history from a lost planet when your current concerns are not being eaten by something with 19 legs and 4 buttholes? Don't think so.

On if the other Siren entities are as influential to their hosts as The Leech -

I touch on it a wee bit throughout LL, but the others are FAR more passive and meld more to their host's whims. The Firehawk Siren wouldn't.. like.. care? If the host was burning down a planet or fighting off an evil corporation? They are removed from any nonsense happening on this side, they might not even really be able to tell, it's like asking an amoeba or a collection of sentient atomic particles what its opinion is on Brexit. That's not really its priority. The Leech is so aggressive in its control of the twins and desperation to drive them towards an outcome it desires only cause it's split, broken, removed from the song, and completely lost. We're talking a caged, half-mad animal removed from its natural environment and left totally isolated from its own kind for millennia. It's in pain, it's confused, it wants to find its way back to the song and the others and where it belongs, but it's stopped by a barrier it can't comprehend ( the twins and being ripped between them), so in its impotent rage it feeds back that hatred onto them. It's not really sentient in the way we would describe functional intelligence, but it wants, and craves, and FEELS. And it feels very, very angry.

Big thanks to @undergoingcalibrations for talking through so much of this with me!

Asks are Open!

#borderlands #borderlands 2 #borderlands 3 #bl3 #troy calypso #tyreen calypso #calypso twins #sirens #leech lord #my hcs #my writing

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kkusuka · 4 years ago

Text

Third year songs <3

this is most of the thrid years- not all

from my spotify liked playlist <3

comes with a side of slight character analysis

These are my interpretations of HQ characters and these songs!!

Time-skip spoilers!! (very slight)

---

Karasuno

Daichi Sawamura

Waiting for Superman- Daughtry

She's waiting for Superman

To lift her up

And take her anywhere

Show her love

And climbing through the air

Save her now

Before it's too late tonight

She's waiting for Superman

Daichi seems like he makes a lot of promises, that he just can’t physically keep. He just has so many things going on that he just can’t pay attention to all of them at once. This leads to far too many forgotten dates and even more broken promises. You know its not his fault and he does too, he just can’t leave anyone hanging.

Koushi Sugawara

Island- Florida Georgia Line

We might as well be on an island

Like we're the last two on this Earth

Like we're frozen here in time

Like it's empty here tonight

I feel like suga likes to put himself back into happier times. And that he tries to hold into happy moments as they are happening. He says he is a man of the moment, but when he feels down, he tries to put himself back into the more joyous times.

Asahi Azumane

You say- Lauren Daigle

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Asahi is clearly very attached to how people perceive him. So when people shower him with compliments, he attaches onto them. He likes what makes him comfortable and he wants to stay comfortable for as long as he can. Words are important to him, so when he hears something bad it can ruin him for a while. He really does believe what the people he loves say to him.

Kiyoko Shimizu

Mothers daughter- Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power

Oh, look at her, she got the power

So, so, so

…

Must be something in the water

Or that I'm my mother's daughter

The power this woman carries. She’s built her confidence and she’s not letting anyone ruin it for her. I truly believe that her friends all become more confident because she wants everyone around her to feel confident too. Since she doesn't speak all that much she lets her body language do most of the expression.

Nekoma

Tetsurō Kuroo

High school sweethearts- Melanie Martinez

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Kuroo definitely takes trust very seriously. I feel he’s also really scared of someone breaking this trust, so he does form it with a lot of people. That saying if he does, he wants it to last forever.

(...Step twoThis is a waste if you can't walk me down the finish line…)

He truly believes in the people he surrounds himself with.

Nobuyuki Kai

Kill the Lights- Set it Off

Now I am cutting ties clean off

And I can breathe at last

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call

And the truth we pursue as we all, we all beg you to

Kai seems like he wasn't really that invested in volleyball, so having all these passionate people around him was a shock. But he really got into third year, and he wants people to feel that passion too. In the back of his mind he feels bad for not feeling it like the rest of the team, but since looking in the past means nothing now, he tries to move on.

Morisuke Yaku

Mama- Mcr

And when we go don't blame us, yeah

We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah

You made us oh so famous;

We'll never let you go

And when you go don't return to me my love

I mean, he is part of the mom squad. But it's ever so slightly more deep. I’m gonna say it's momma-bird syndrome. He doesn't want people to move on without him, seeing people achieve their dreams is great but he doesn't want you to do it if that means loving him.

Seijoh

Tōru Oikawa

Prom Queen- Beach Bunny

Maybe I should try harder

You should lower your expectations

I'm no quick-curl barbie

I was never cut out for prom queen

I feel like oikawa is constantly feeling like he has to catch up to everyone around him. At some point in Argentina he came to the conclusion that he was good enough and didn't need to rise to anyone's standards of him, but when he got picked for the national team everything came back. He still has all of those feelings from high-school. Never making it to nationals, feeling like he failed his team.

Issei Matsukawa

Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the diamonds

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for

I feel like to earn Mattsun’s trust, he would put you through some ridiculous trial of sorts. I also feel that he is very comfortable with who he is, and he takes no shit about it. But that comes with the fact that he rarely takes fault in things, and that sparks arguments. He’ll use your love for him against you, he’ll be as cold as he can muster, until YOU take fault.

Takahiro Hanamaki

OUT THE ROOF- Chase Atlantic

Yeah, we stay lit

We fuck bitches, pop on pillies, that is it, yeah

Holy moly, holy shit, yeah

Me and all my people are heaven sent, yeah, yup

9this is a strait vibe for Makki)

I feel like Makki drowns his problems out with meaningless activities. Like smoking or one-night stands. He’d rather drown out his problems then have them in his face. Or when he’s forced to face them, he’ll deflect until he has nothing else to deflect. Because when you’re high there nothing to worry about! Why stress about meaningless problems when he can be having fun!

Hajime Iwaizumi

Endlessly- The Cab

Yeah, your friends may think I'm crazy

Cause they can only see

I'm not perfect, but I swear, I'm perfect for you.

And there's no guarantee

That this will be easy.

It's not a miracle you need, believe me.

Yeah, I'm no angel, I'm just me

But I will love you endlessly.

Iwa knows that he can't be there for you all the time. Physically he tries his best, mentally he can help when he can. But you both know that you're perfect for one another. He just can't help but listen to the people around him sometimes. You deserve the world, but he doesn't know if he can give that to you.

Fukurodani

Kōtarō Bokuto

Prima Donna- Andrew Lloyd Webber

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you

We’ve all seen how Bokuto gets what he’s praised for literally anything remotely impressive. So that makes him a cannon prima donna! but that also means the lows and really bad mood swings. This song just fits him so well it’s scary.

Shiratorizawa

Wakatoshi Ushijim

More- Usher

If you really want more, scream it out louder,

If you on the floor, bring out the fire,

And light it up, take it up higher,

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

This seems kinda obvious, but Ushijima never gives up. Ever since he was a kid, he set a goal for himself and he went beyond what he even set out for. And that comes with a lot of work and training for every new level of volleyball. He’s just going to get better and better until he retires, or is forced to retire.

Eita Semi

strawberries and cigarettes- troye sivan

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to 60, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

I feel like semi always thinks about how Shirabu replaced him on the starting line-up. But he’s mostly gotten over it, but certain things bring him back into that stage of his life. Then the cycle starts all over again. He constantly looks back on the game against Karasuno and thinks about wat would have happened if he was the setter instead.

Reon Ōhira

Remember when- Chris Wallace

So can we push push push rewind,

Go go back in time,

When we were kids sneaking bottles of wine,

Take take take me back, I wanna go back,

Back to what we had! Do you remember when we started this mess,

My heart was beating out of my chest!,

Remember when we stole your dad's car,

Reon gives me the vibe that his days at Shiratorizawa were some of the best of his life. How can they not be? He made the greatest friends of his life there. And I also feel like he looks back on them a bit more than he wants to admit.

Satori Tendō

This Side of Paradise- Coyote theory

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely come be lonely with me.

I get the vibe that Tendou attaches himself to whatever makes him feel wanted/safe. (ex. volleyball) he knows it isn't healthy, but he can't help it. This does lead to him completely distancing himself from you over and over because he thinks you’ll leave him.

Hayato Yamagata- House of gold- Twenty one Pilots

I will make you

Queen of everything you see

I'll put you on the map

I'll cure you of disease (Ooh)

And since we know that dreams are dead

And life turns plans up on their head

I will plan to be a bum

So I just might become someone

Even though we don't see a lot of him, I get the feeling he treats people really well. Like he cherishes people a lot more than some of them deserve. As you can see this leads to some unfair relationships and toxic people. He just wants to hold on until a good person comes along.

Nohebi

Suguru Daishō

Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I feel like this was way too obvious, but it really is his song. It’s literally cannon, every lyric in this song is what happened with Mika. but in the end he got her back and made his promise to be a better loverman <3.

Kazuma Numai

Nonstop- Drake

Future took the business and ran it for me

I let Ollie take the owl, told him brand it for me

I get two million a pop and that's standard for me

Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me

He looks and acts like a guy who listens to drake. He just seems like a guy who won't stop or give up even when things take a turn. He’ll just keep fighting until nothing’s left.

Kōji Hiroo

At the Wheel- Colorblind

I need something to wake me up

It's never strong enough

I'm just getting colder and starting over

Going numb is just the way I run from

All my problems when I can't solve them

Need to break away

Escape the way I'm feeling

Hate to be fake, but I'm just dealing

This one doesn't really have a true reason, i really just felt like this was his song. Sorry just the vibe.

;)

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

Oh Ms Believer- twenty one pilots

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you

But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow

Together we go

I feel like kita is unintentionally cold towards the world, like he wants to open up but can't figure out how. But in turn if you can get him to feel “warmer” (get closer to him) he’ll share everything with you, almost oversharing. Just because he can't help it, he’s kept it all in for so long. Sometimes he just needs someone to hold him and make HIM feel better, because he does it for everyone. If you can manage all of this i feel like he’ll keep you with him forever.

Ren Ōmimi

Armor- Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy

After the war is won

There's always the next one

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I feel like not a lot of people approach ren because of how intimidating he looks. This has made him weary when people are really enthused to first meet him, because he thinks it’s a joke. After getting over that hurdle i feel like he just isn't an open person so it’ll take a long time to even get to a point where he trusts you. Hence the other wars after the first.

Aran Ojiro-

Never really over- Katy perry

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over

And if I think it over, maybe you'll be coming over again

And I'll have to get over you all over again

After all of these years, I really don't think Aran has truly gotten over losing at nationals in third year. And now on the national team he sees Hinata and Kageyama all the time and it takes him back. It makes him re-feel all the emotions he felt after the game. It hurt him to know that he gave his everything and still lost. Like when he’s in bed he puts himself back into that self loathing phase of his life.

Michinari Akagi

Try Hard - 5sos

It's obvious she’s so out of reach

And I'm finding it hard 'cause

She makes me feel, makes me feel

Like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard

'Cause I'm not being me

And it’s getting me down that

She makes me think, makes me think

That I try, that I try, that I'm trying too hard again

Akagi gives off boy best friend vibes. But like to EVERYONE, so the person he liked just thought he was making fun of them and he didn't like them back. And i feel like that kinda traumatized him a bit, so when he got a new s/o he tried really really hard to make them special, but the same thing happened.

i may do some with the second and first years, idk this took so long :)

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fruityutas · 4 years ago

Text

strike to the heart

taglist ~ @puppywritings , @xiaojours , @svchengss , @prettyjaems

part of @du0tine ‘s 21 ways to kill your lover collab

unstable!yangyang x psychologist!reader

not proofread

wc ~ 5k

genre ~ angst, ttiiinnnyyy fluff, thriller

warnings ~ the following writing is FICTION and has very heavy and unsettling themes like murder, suicide, and toxic relationships. if these themes are triggering or otherwise uncomfortable to you, do NOT read this story. there are also themes of religion.

synopsis ~ you were the best of the best, no one could bring an end to your golden career until he came along

note ~ i based yangyang’s personality in this off of his turn back time persona, making him very obviously mentally unstable. the plotline is based loosely off of harley quinn’s origin story, except of course, the reader dies. i also used the concept of purgatory in this story.

i realize that purgatory is apart of various religions, and i hope i made use of it in this story in the way it is intended to be portrayed as. i am not familiar with the subject, as i am non religious and have been for many years, so if i wrote anything that was disrespectful, please let me know and i will educate myself more on the topic. please note that if i do write something disrespectful, i will not be changing the writing in any way, unless necessary, because i feel that changing/erasing the mistake prevents anyone from seeing my growth as a person.

here is the link to the website i used to read up on purgatory -> https://historylists.org/art/9-levels-of-purgatory-dantes-purgatorio.html

your parents always told you to aim for first. probably why you’re here now. you sit in the chair, watching your life play on what seems to be a screen. you can’t tell either way, everything is stark white and blends into one. the scenes are the only thing providing color to your eyes. are you dreaming? no, no that can’t be. the last thing you remember is…pain. and betrayal. how could he do this?

he was a fucking criminal. he had no true love for you, you were his final act. how could you have been so naive? every thought came too fast, it made your head hurt. a noise brought you out of your thoughts. a tall man stood off to the side of the screen. his features were sharp, and he looked angelic. “you must be y/n. you must also be wondering where you are.” you struggle to find your voice, so you nod at the man. he gives a sympathetic smile and strolls over to you.

“you’re in purgatory. well, this is the judgment room. here your memories are played and the most influential ones are used to go to their corresponding terraces.”

“do i pick them out?” he shakes his head.

“no, the council does that. you just sit and watch.” you shift in your chair, the hard material uncomfortable against your skin. “don’t worry, i’ll be here while it happens. you can call me sicheng.” his voice was hypnotizing, calming your mind. you turned back to the screen, and what you assumed to be the first memory started to play.

a burst of yelling snaps you from your thoughts. looks like we have a new patient. it was like this everytime a new patient arrived. yelling, taunting, sometimes as far as physical assault. it was like the right of passage for ‘newbies’ as the currents like to call them. you leave your office to peek downstairs. this one is surrounded by four guards. that’s unusual. two guards was standard, why does this patient need four? a danger to himself and others i assume. i should ask joy if i can take him. you hadn’t had a new patient in months, and all your others were making such progress they moved to a new unit. one of your patients, named chittaphon, had been released back into society. you were one of the best, even at such a young age.

“joy! have you assigned the new patient to anyone yet? i’d like to have him.” you plopped yourself onto the couch in her office. her soft laugh brought you comfort.

“of course you can have him, i was probably going to ask you anyway. you haven’t been busy with any others lately. yukhei is moving to a new unit next week you know. you did good with him, he asked me to tell you thank you.” your heart aches at the thought of yukhei missing you, the boy had become important to you. you would sit and let him talk about his family, his friends, and even his - what he called - soulmate. he would always gush about them and their relationship. you never suspected he could have killed them in such the way he did, or that his ill brain would rewire itself into thinking they were waiting for him to get better and be released from the hospital. the day he found that out was burned in your memory, chairs being thrown and yelling from the entire floor. it broke your heart to see him in such a state, even more when they had to lock him in isolation for a week.

but things change and he got better, and now he’s moving up a unit. more yelling snaps you out of your little thinking session. you and joy peek out her office door to see the new inmate arguing with the guards. you sigh and head down the stairs, as much as joy protests it. one of the guards notices you and tells you to stay back, and that this inmate is dangerous. you shake your head at him and push through to get closer. the inmate didn’t look much older than you, albeit a bit taller than you. he was still yelling at the guards when you came up to him and cleared your throat. he rolls his eyes and turns to you to start yelling, but you shut him down with a stern look at a shake of your head.

“now, now, you don’t want to come in and be the hardass on the first day do you?” he says nothing, but the lack of arguing from him tells you he is agreeing. you tell one of the guards to follow you to his cell. it comes to no one’s surprise that his cell is in the lower level, it’s where all the worst patients stay. the guard that accompanied you stood directly outside the door of the cell, ready for any assistance. the inmate sat down on the cot provided but faced away from you. “are you going to speak to me?” he spares you a small glance, unwavering in intimidation, but it didn’t phase you. his face was young, yet it somehow seemed to be worn and exhausted. you wanted to open him up and see what his troubles came from, to fix him into a model member of society.

“wouldn’t you want me too huh?” his tone was annoyed and sarcastic. you stay collected and just nod at him. “why don’t we start with your name?” he stays silent. “if you don’t want to cooperate that’s perfectly fine but just know i’m the only one you can talk to if you want out of here.” you stand up and leave the cell, knowing that even though it didn’t look like it, progress was made. your last statement would sit with him until the next time you visit him, and he would talk eventually.

the screen fades away and into a new image. the only thing on the screen is the word ‘stubborn.’ you are confused as to what it means. sicheng makes his way over to you, his long legs making the distance short. “it corresponds to the first level of purgatory, stubbornness. although it wasn’t you who was being the most stubborn, it seems.” he snaps his fingers and a seat appears for him to sit. the screen lights up again and another memory begins to play.

“what do you mean he wants to see me? i just spoke to him this morning and he refused to say anything?” joy shrugs her shoulders exasperatedly. you sigh and make your way towards the lower level. the guard at the security door greets you with a nod of the head before letting you in. the inmate’s cell was at the end of the hall, dimly lit and dingey, with a slight smell of mildew. the underground location made for cold air and small windows, so there was never enough light in the place. as you made your way to your patient’s cell, a few of the other inmates down there whistled at you. they whooped and hollered to your dismay, bringing unwanted attention. you recognized one of them, guanheng was his name. he had been a patient of joy’s before she was promoted to her managerial position. no one else wanted to take him on, so they sent him down here to rot. you had expressed the idea of taking him, but joy wouldn’t have it. she simply said he was too unstable for anyone, and deserved to be down there. you disagree with her to this day, but she is still your superior and you can’t just go breaking rules just for your liking.

you knocked on the door to the cell, and a gruff “come in” came from the other side. entering the cell, you saw everything in disarray. “now, why is the cell in this condition?” he huffs and crosses his arms, almost in a cute way. you shake your head and continue in, shutting the door behind you. “are you going to tell me your name? i think it would help me connect better with you.” he looks at you with a blank stare. you don’t change your facial expression, remaining stoney faced. he sighs and starts muttering to himself, as if he was arguing with someone, before looking back up at you and finally speaking. “yangyang. at least thats what i’ve been told.” you hum lightly before asking him a few more questions.

“is it alright if i call you yangyang?” “yes” “alrightly then, do you remember anything from yesterday?” he ponders for a moment, his face going through a group of different expressions before he looks back to you. “i only know that i woke up and felt like hurting someone. but i can’t remember who or why. do you have any pens?” the last question catches you off guard. you hand him an extra pen from your coat pocket. he takes it eagerly and looks to your clipboard with expectant eyes. you tear a blank piece of paper from the back and hand it over. he immediately draws nonsense doodles, the paper quickly being filled. when he fills it, he flips it over to do the other side. “you can keep asking me things, you know. i like to draw, though i don’t know what. the other voice tells me to just make lines and things.” you’re jotting down notes when all of a sudden he throws the pen at you. it hits you square in the head, and you look up at him in surprise. he starts giggling and throws the crumpled paper at you. you remain calm as this can be a common occurrence among patients. his giggles become… unsettling very quickly, the tone and manner of them turning to a deeper octave. you slowly reach into your pocket to grab the help button, but you don’t press it just yet. yangyang stops his giggling and it becomes muttering. his words are difficult to make out, but you pick out a few, ‘kill’, ‘why’, and ‘forget’. you jot them down along with a note stating he was mumbling them in sentences that were not understood. “yangyang, are you hearing anything? do you know the other voice’s name if they have one?” he peeks out of his arms at you nodding. “they tell me that i shouldn’t have forgotten why i killed her.” you had notes on him that his previous institution gave to you, but you wanted to earn his trust by asking various questions. “who did you kill?” you knew he killed his mother, left her body hanging from the porch for everyone to see. the question cause him to tear up a bit. “i, i killed my mother. she just wouldn’t shut up, always nagging me about the house and bills, as if i could help it. she was a bitch.” “mmm, yes. but you loved her still, no?” he nods shakily as if he was unsure. “and did you forget why you killed her that morning?” another nod is sent to you. you keep taking notes on his behaviors.

you end the session on a positive note, telling yangyang that he did good today and that you’d be back tomorrow, but if he needed you to ask.

the screen once again went dark before the word ‘repentance’ appears. sicheng whips a pen-like object from nothing, grabbing your arm harshly to turn you towards him. “now, you might not like this next part but it has to be done. i have to carve five p’s into you somewhere. they aren’t permanent but it still hurts.” you panic slightly, trying to get away from his grasp.

“why?!” his face is stoic and cold, the seriousness setting in. you continue to struggle until he grips your face with vigor, causing you to stop moving. “stop. moving. it has to be done. now, where do you want me to do it?” you just point to your arm and look away as he does it. the pain is searing but bearable. “what is this for?” he makes the pen disappear before clearing his throat to speak. “for each of the sins that lead to your death, there is a ‘p’. the council shows a memory that corresponds to a sin, and you must figure out which one. if you get it right, you move one to the next one until the end, where you are allowed into heaven. if you get them wrong, you have another chance with a different memory. you only get two chances for each sin, though, and if you lose both of them a ‘p’ stays and it’s harder to get the next one correct. if you get more than two sins wrong, you spend 100 years here and then you are banished to hell. so please, be careful and choose wisely.” and with that he turns his attention back to the screen, as do you.

your appointments with yangyang were productive and you got to know him a lot better within the past few days. he hated dogs, they were too noisy and energetic for him. he really wanted to paint and draw all the time, so you gave him a few paint markers to decorate his cell with. when you had your next appointment, the walls were pretty full. he liked the texture of orange peels, he hated the taste. a lot of the things you learned intrigued you, why was his brain wired this way? you needed to dig deeper, and you knew you could. you had many awards and praises from seniors, your ego was swollen from it all. you took pride in your work, and you weren’t exactly humble about it. you would always brag to others about your accomplishments, and sometimes you made it a competition between you and your coworkers. joy was the only one that didn’t pay attention to it, she always let you go on rants about how you accomplished so many things this young.

the door to yangyang’s cell was the same grey color as usual, though on the inside, the room was filled with markings and random drawings the boy did. “yangie? what’s up?” he excitedly jumps from his spot on the bed over to the corner that the sessions took place in. two small chairs and a table were tucked in it, but it was cozy to you. a warm smile took place on your face as you sat in front of him. “well, today i really tried my best to not get angry with anyone like you said, and it worked! all i did was think about what you said to me and it helped so much. no one messed with me either.” there it is, the rush of pride in yourself. your ego is boosted, refilled for the day. you knew he could do it, with your help of course. you were the best in the field. “that is really good to hear, yangyang. i’m glad you remembered what i told you so you could control your emotions.” his hair bounced with each energized nod he gave you. you opened your clipboard and handed him a small stack of blank paper. “this is for you. now you have something clean to draw on again.” he took the papers excitedly.

the rest of the session was yangyang rambling on about how you were the only one helping him and how he really liked seeing you. you observed him and from time to time you’d write notes down on his info sheet. every time he caught you staring, he’d blush and look back at his drawings. a smirk carved into your face, and a wink was all it took for him to turn into a stuttering mess. you left the session that day glowing in confidence and pride.

the screen fades away, and you feel a tingling on your arm where one of the Ps is. sicheng’s voice whispers into your ear, “figure out what sin you just witnessed.” it makes you jump a little, but you quickly regain your composure. all you could think about was yangyang. but deep inside your inner conscious, you knew the sin here wasn’t about him. it was about you. “i have my answer.” sicheng gives you a small nod and when you turn back around, a dark and windy figure stands in front of you. a voice not belonging to you enters your mind. “which sin is it, y/n?” with a shaky voice, and sweating palms, you manage to garble out your answer. “it’s pride. i was prideful in my ways, never backing down from challenges that weren’t meant for me.” the dark figure nods before wisping away. the tingling returns to your arm, and as you look down at it a P swiftly disappears. sicheng’s footsteps bring you back up to the screen, which begins to play a new memory.

the continuous sessions with yangyang proved to be well. his condition was getting better, and he seemed to be taking well to the exercises you gave him. you were on your way to an appointment when joy came up beside you. “have you met with the new doctor yet?” you shake your head. “no, what’s their name? where are they located?” she tries to hide a mischievous smirk, grabbing your arm to stop your walking. “he is absolutely gorgeous! his name is kunhang and he’s actually gonna be on your unit, which means you’re training him since you are the best.” you chuckle at her enthusiasm, she’d always been trying to hook you up with people. she winks at you and runs off, probably to her next appointment. she’d conveniently stopped you in front of yangyang’s cell. you walk inside and see him on his bed pouting.

“what is wrong with you?” his eyes look up at you and shine with the beginnings of tears, worrying you. had the guards or an inmate said something to him? while you’re lost in thought he jumps up and pulls you on the bed with him, his arms wrapped tightly around you. you snap out of it and sit frozen in his arms. the feeling of butterflies in your stomach erupt and you know it’s because of the man in your arms. he lets you go and you stand up to fix your uniform. “what had gotten into you, yangs?” his pouting doesn’t go away and he speaks softly. “who is kunhang?” so that’s what he’s being clingy for. he’s jealous. “he’s a new psychiatrist here. i have to train him.” yangyang didn’t get rid of the pout on his face, and he didn’t let your hand go for the entire session. the jealousy he had even after you told him that nothing was going to happen between you and kunhang was noteworthy, though you didn’t specify why he was jealous on his chart.

the surrounding air had become cold, and you shiver harshly. sicheng sits beside you, tapping impatiently on the table. the shadow figure returns, and before it can speak you do. “the sin was envy. but why did you show me a memory of someone else being envious? i thought this was about my sins.” the figure doesn’t move from its spot. sicheng sighs and throws a stick at the figure, causing it to grunt. “that was unnecessary, sicheng. you are the reason for this sin. you let yangyang get attached to you, causing him to become jealous and protective of you. you may not have committed this sin, but you had the first hand in causing it.” you nod in agreeance, you had let him get close with you. too close, in your opinion, because if you hadn’t you wouldn’t be in this whole situation. it’s a bit ironic, you always told your coworkers to be wary of patients, yet here you are, stuck in purgatory because of one.

in the days leading up to your death, yangyang requested to see you nonstop, and he would ask so many questions about the outside world. what was surrounding the building, how many people were in the city. in hindsight, you should have suspected him to be trying to escape, but your mind was apparently on other things.

the last day you were alive, yangyang requested you only once. it was around eight in the evening, and this was going to be your last trip to his cell, quite literally. “are you ok, yangyang?” he nods and makes his way over to you. he might be younger, but his height is not small. “i’m just fine. but i wanna ask you something.” you nod to let him continue. “i’m planning to leave, and i want you to come with me.” the words come out of him in a hurry, but you catch them. a pit forms in your chest after hearing them. what in the world was he thinking? your job was important, and he still needed the therapy sessions you were giving him. “no, absolutely not. yangyang you can’t leave without proper check out from me and my superior. you know this.” he sighs in annoyance, grabbing your hand and dragging you to sit. “that’s not the type of leaving i meant. i mean we sneak out and never look back. we leave here and head north to my good friend ten’s house. he has this bigass mansion in the middle of nowhere, and we can lie low there for a while before going somewhere else and starting new!” you can’t bring yourself to say anything, the shock of how much he’d thought out this plan sitting heavy on your shoulders. the courage to say something before he thinks you’re agreeing with him bubbles up. “yangyang, under all circumstances, you and i cannot do that. do you know how many force tasks they’d send out for us? how much trouble we’d be in when they caught us? plus, you still need these sessions that i’m doing. the real world is harsh, and doesn’t take kindly to you. i wouldn’t want you or anyone else getting hurt.” his face contorts into sadness at your statement. he pulls you in for a bone-crushing hug, not letting go. “but i thought you loved me, don’t you want us to be happy together?” your blood runs cold at his confession. love was never on the table, the flirting you’d been doing was just to open him up to make it easier to talk. you knew you were taking a risk doing that, but never had you anticipated him to fall in love with you and think it was mutual. you separate yourself from him and walk to the door. “yangyang, are you being serious? you- you don’t actually think i’m in love with you, right?” his face falls, going completely straight. no movement comes from either of you for a good minute, the situation at hand causing hesitance. “you’re not? i just thought… you were.” you scoff at the boy sitting in front of you. “y/n, i don’t think you realize that i’ve already planned for this. we’re gonna have to leave.” you start to argue with him but a flurry of gunshots and screams ring out from all around you. you turn and pull the door open to see patients and guards frantically running about, a breach in the facility causing this. “jesus fucking- yangyang why in the hell would you do this!?” you turn to see him getting up from the bed and gathering a few items. “yangyang!” he doesn’t respond, only grabbing your arm and pulling you along with him. you’re too much in shock to resist the boy, and on top of that he’s definitely stronger than you. the run towards whatever exit he’s taking you to seems surreal. the amount of trouble you’re going to be in for this is astronomical. you can hear the words “you’re fired” repeating in your mind. outside the door is an alleyway that connects the facility to a power plant. it seemed like they’d had a breach too. yangyang really wasn’t lying when he said you’d have to leave to someplace far away. he drags you into the plant and heads for the large vats of chemicals. “yangyang where the hell are you taking us? what are you doing?” he glances over his shoulder at you, a deathly look on his face. “this wouldn’t have been in the plan if you had just done what i needed you to do. now you have to pay the price.” what in the fuck did he mean.

the vats were in sight, glowing and hot from the chemicals in them. your surroundings loud from combat, you’d assumed from runaway patients attacking. yangyang stopped in front of the largest one, looking down in it and smirking. he turns to a very shaken you, giggling like a madman. “i think you know what’s in store for you my love. you betrayed me! you gave me all the signs, and carelessly flirted, acting like you liked me.” tears were pouring down both of your faces, but for different reasons. the end of your life was staring at you, loud and proud, and you knew this. you had many goals in your life, and to see none of them get achieved hurt you. you take one last look at yangyang, who is inching closer. “i’m sorry for making you feel like that. i just hope that in the next life, you’ll be a normal person and get to experience life in a positive perspective.” he doesn’t seem to care, because as soon as he gets close enough to you, he grips your face and leans in. “and now, my love, you leave me with a kiss.” his lips lock with yours for a brief second before he shoves you hard, taking the breath out of you. you fall backwards into the vat, the acidic chemicals eating you. yangyang stares at you as you perish, the smile slowly dropping from his face.

one would think this whole tragedy could be easily resolved, but this was not a villain origin story, it was real life, and you were dead. yangyang knew what he had done was fatal, but make no mistake, you knew it was what he wanted. he did love you, but his brain was not the same as a normal person’s. the wiring was simply not supportive of any form of morals, no right or wrong could be detected. all he knew was that you were in the way of him getting out, and he needed you removed. so he did.

and as reality set in for him, yangyang realized that you were the only one who understood him. you were the one to listen to his problems and not look at him like he was crazy, to help him through the intrusive thoughts, and you did that all while loving him.

he breaks down, dropping to his knees at the harsh reality that you were gone forever, and no longer able to make him happy. the salty tears running down his face provided a blunt sting to the cuts and scrapes adorning his face. his shoulders shook with sorrow and his sobs were melancholic. yangyang can’t even think straight, all his mind is screaming is you. your name, face, your soft hair, warm skin, and the way you laughed at all his stupid jokes. he wants an escape from the voices in his head. the grate walkways that line the perimeter of the vats are loud with yangyang’s manic running. all he wants is freedom from his personal hell, he’s had to deal with people looking down on him all his life, saying that he was never going to be able to be normal, berating him for all the fucked up things he’s done, but never helping him to be a better person, always leaving him to rot in different psych ward cells.

gun. there’s one somewhere.

the one voice in his head that wasn’t screaming made him worry no less than before, but he knew to heed his own advice. it was the only coherent thought at the moment so what’s the harm. yangyang finds himself lost, and begins to get angry until he sees a guard coming his way. attacking him, he easily finds a gun and wrings it from the man’s grip before shooting him dead. the body slumps over and yangyang decides that he’d rather not die next to it. he is far too lost to try and get back to where he pushed you to your timely death, so he just runs until he finds a room. unlocked and unoccupied, he slips in and locks the door behind him.

the leather chair that he sits in is worn and comfortable. the desk has various papers scattered around, and the computer is off. yangyang takes one good look at himself in the reflection of the screen before pulling the trigger.

the judgement room is even colder than before. you sit in the uncomfortable chair, tears streaming down your face and sobs ripping through your chest. sicheng sits, unaffected by your pain. the shadowy figure appears in front of you, so close you can hear whispers of a large multitude floating out of it. “y/n, you must finish the trial. what was the last sin?” you try your damndest to compose yourself, wiping the tears and hiccuping. “i- he was…” “no, y/n. no excuses. what is the sin displayed here?” you didn’t need this figure up your ass about it, the answer was obvious. sighing, you look up at it, seeing it slightly resembles a man. “wrath.” the figure hums in response, moving over to show the screen again. in large font and bold letters, the word “repentance” is shown. “you have passed judgement, and you shall be going to heaven. are there any questions?”

#neowritingsnet #nshitty-frathouse #unfortunatus: inferno #nct #nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #wayv yangyang #yangyang #yangyang x reader #yangyang scenarios

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meimae · 4 years ago

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Look at me, not being on time for my April Immersion Overview as is the usual. (・w・;

First, little blog updates to get out of the way:

I reached 100 followers! Got an influx of people checking out my 1 year update post, and got plenty of nice compliments on my data collection.

For those of you wondering just why I keep up with so much data, it's mostly because it can get really hard to notice how much you're improving in a language especially with something like immersion learning that for people who don't get it feels like a waste of time or a time sink.

Graphs showing consistency, improvement in reading speed, increasing vocabulary counts, and generally just seeing numbers grow turns language learning more fun and motivating for me, and if as a bonus, it encourages someone to try immersion learning then that would be cool!

With that said, whether you're here as a fellow language learner, graphs enthusiast (笑), or just want some Japanese media recommendations, ようこそ!

Also, made a tiny DP change - it’s チト from 少女週末旅行. Pretty sure it’s the first manga series I ever finished in Japanese (not the first one I started since ちはやふる is still ongoing), and I always felt a bit of a ☆connection☆ with her - between her book-loving personality and being a no-nonsense kind of person, there was no way for me not to enjoy her character. Great beginner anime/manga if you’re not into most beginner recommendations.

-☆-

April has been a pretty good immersion month, as I was able to dip my toes in a variety of media. A bit competitive, too! The club I joined has been pulling all the stops to get to the Top 20 Immersion Leaderboard in it’s first month. I was able to snag the 9th spot among a bunch of people of different comprehension levels (the majority being N1+ since they’re able to comprehend much more and in turn stand longer immersion hours). Lots of tiny complaints though of potential “whitenoising” content (”listening” and “reading” but not comprehending very well just to get a large number to post), but really what can you do? People lie all the time on the internet. Besides, it’s internet points that doesn’t do anything beyond being a little shiny I guess.

Enough about that, let’s get into the nitty-gritty details you came here for!

ANIME

フルーツバスケット

Might need to rewatch this one. Felt like I didn’t connect with the characters the way the rest of its fandom has. I’m kinda sad about it, since I normally love Slice of Life and Fantasy, and I know this is one of my friend’s diehard shows.

ラブライブ! School Idol Project S2

A filler anime to watch tbh. Nice and easy enough to follow for beginners. Pretty good songs. With regards to it being a show about music and moe, I still 100% prefer K-On! if I’m going to be honest, but for a show about non-toxic idols, it’s good!

魔法少女まどか☆マギカ

First read this as English translated manga when I was 13 or something. Mistakes were made. Let’s all just agree to throw キュウベえ into a pit of fire and never talk about it again. Great ending and a show that really reworked the magical girl genre. But seriously, I was traumatized by マミ’s death then and now, help.

四月は君の嘘

Already knew what was going to happen even before watching this so I didn’t ugly cry like I was expecting. Still got that awful sinking feeling though. 10/10 would recommend for a good cry. Also, I’m planning to read the manga, might enjoy that more, because I’ve always liked it more than anime actually. *shocked pikachu face*

ホリミヤ

Watched before I even finished the manga which felt like a mistake at first until I realized that it perfectly stops where I stopped reading. Nice and comfy anime, the kind I would have loved as a teen. Fun animation too, making parts very dramatic even though it wasn’t really that deep of an issue even in the manga. Just teens feeling feelings. Still salty that we lose bad boy styled 宮村, but I get why it had to happen.

AUDIOBOOKS

氷菓

Second re-listen. I understand it fine, but it’s very easy to drift off when you can’t catch all the words so I had to replay often. Will have to mine more from the anime/book.

君の名は

I mined from the anime, and was really pleased to be able to follow all 6 hours of this audiobook perfectly fine. Will need to read the book, because I realized just how seamless reading it would be after listening to it with hardly any issue.

BOOKS

キッチェン

Completed! Read my thoughts about it and see my stats on this post.

君の膵臓を食べたい

Still trudging on with this one. It’s not a bad story, it’s pretty well written actually, I just made the mistake of watching both the anime and live adaptation first, so I know exactly what’s going to happen and it’s killing my motivation to keep reading. I guess reading the book first before watching the movie still applies in any language with me. Really need to 頑張れ and finish so I can move on.

三日間の幸福

Started reading towards the end of the month, mostly because I realized that every chapter is only 5000-15000 characters long, and I was able to read up to 40k in a day with Island most days. Only two chapters read so far though because I got distracted by manga, but it’s shaping up to be a really good plot and potentially a really sad one, too, so I’m interested.

DRAMA

花ざかりの君たちへイケメンパラダイス

Heard this was a classic so I gave it a try. Loved 生田斗真’s character in this one the most especially all his internal dialogue acted out. Also, 小栗旬 in anything is bound to be a good watch. Simple and fun watch. They dragged the ending so much though lmao

ごくせん

Look, I see 松本潤, I click. Definitely the kind of show you should watch for some great life advice. Planning to watch the 2nd and 3rd seasons even if there is a terrible lack of 松本潤, because I love my strong female protagonists, and man, ヤンクミ is such a great character. Need to read the manga, too, if I can find it.

極主夫道

Oof, this was kind of hard. The yakuza talk was throwing me off, but the rest of it was enjoyable. Not really plot heavy as I thought it was going to be. The comedy side of it was fun and predictable after the first few episodes. Overall, pretty good slice of life, family story with a twist.

MANGA

Read a bunch of manga this month, mostly because I am struggling to find the next vn to read.

おやすみプンプン

Read a couple of volumes (6-7). This manga is so good, but it’s so depressing I need to stop to take a breather every once in a while. Please don’t leave any spoilers. The club has been reacting to me reading this, and it has mostly been a lot of crying emotes. It’s both been enjoyable to see and really worrying. 笑

チェンソーマン

Club recommendation. Only read the 1st volume so far. I really need to get into more 少年 anime/manga. That’s currently my 苦手 genre which is awful because literally all the top anime/manga is 少年 help. I just can’t enjoy it much still even though it’s comprehensible to me.

ちはやふる中学生編

Read Vol. 1, chill read to me at this point after reading 45 volumes of the regular manga. Look, it’s my favorite 幼馴染 manga in baby format, of course I’m going to read this! 太一 has been a flake way before season 3 confirmed. Don’t come at me たいちはや stans bc I also like his character.

約束のネバーランド

Volume 7. I’m taking my sweet time with this one, because I heard the anime for season 2 sucked, so I’m avoiding it like the plague. This is 少年 how am I enjoying this and not everything else what.

ヲタクに恋は難しい

Enjoyed the anime hated the movie why did they make it a musical that sucked (ps i normally love musicals hated this one)

The オタク jargon is kinda hard to read suprisingly but I do enjoy this ship very much. It’s a lighthearted take to otaku culture which is great because seriously it’s scary out there.

ツバサ -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE-

It’s my childhood ship, obviously I will read this again (read in English several years ago). Still as plot twisty as I remember it being (now at a bonus hard level reading it in Japanese 笑). Really enjoyed reading this one (I finished it this May).

-☆-

I’m starting to really dislike furigana in manga. It was a great help as a beginner, but now it’s like training wheels that you can’t take off. I feel like the gains I’m getting from manga is much lower than it was when I first started which makes me both proud of how far I’ve come, but also sad because I love manga. Sad that I might have to start choose VNs over it, because it’s not going to challenge me as much going forward. I mean it didn’t stop me from reading a lot of it this month, but you get the picture.

VISUAL NOVELS

ISLAND

Completed! See my stats and read my long spoiler filled post here.

ファタモルガーナの館

Picked up this VN and finished two doors (15 hours) before stopping. On the fence about it, because it has been kind of predictable so far, and I don’t particularly enjoy the horror genre. That said, this is more psychological than anything, so it’s probably not that that’s putting me off. The language is not exactly difficult, too - maybe some oddly specific words because it is after all historical fiction (which is one of my favorite genres, btw), and 敬語 is definitely interesting to read for once after encountering so many お嬢様 characters in anime/drama so far.

I think maybe it’s the conversations that are kind of dull - dots (silence) every few clicks that keeps breaking the flow of reading. Probably judging it really harshly too early, because it’s rated so high everywhere, and I just have high expectations. Definitely not dropping it yet though, just taking a break and testing a couple of other VNs before I settle with whatever I end up choosing. It is, after all, going to be another 50+ hour read, and I just don’t want to not enjoy the process, because having fun with the process is a huge part of immersion learning.

Let me know if you’ve read Fata and if I should continue!

-☆-

That’s it for this month!

If you have any suggestions on what to watch and read next, please send me a reply, especially for VNs because I’m struggling over here.

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