#The three end up bonding over scheming and bitching about people

[puppetmaster13u]

I have never thought of this ship but honestly it'd be hilarious.

I propose both happens. Darkseid gets seduced by getting a beatdown for daring to threaten the family night they have had planned for months, and has no clue how to talk to a crush??

Is this a crush?? Complains idly about Santa and Danny's head practically twists around. He has a bone to pick with that being and is very much ready to give them a piece of his mind.

And of course this also means he is forced to interact with Bruce as well. They surprisingly end up bonding over complaining about idiots. One runs a planet and the other runs a company and runs the Justice League, they both have to deal with so much 'well it seemed like a good idea at the time!'

Okay so I saw this post and you know the types of fics where adult Danny moves to Gotham and winds up emotionally adopting one or more of bat kids or accidentally coparenting with Bruce (with or without a relationship between them)? I had the thought, what if Danny parented the bat kids but he started doing it out of spite?

Like, Danny moves to Gotham and runs into Batman and Robin one night while out for a late night flight and drops down to the rooftop to say hi.

Bruce sees this 5'6" twink that looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over and is so obviously new in town and thinks Gotham is going to eat him alive, he needs to leave before he gets killed.

Batman: Looming menacingly and in his deepest scariest Batman voice, "Leave. Metas aren't allowed in Gotham."

Danny: Offend! Excuse?! Who does this guy think he is?! 😡 Danny was trying to be polite here! "First of all, I'm not a meta. Second of all, rude much?!"

Batman: Does scariest bat glare. "Leave." Swoops off into the night.

Robin (Damian): "My father is correct. You should leave the city for your own safety."

Danny sees this tiny vigilante child with fierce expression and a sword and is just like awww, so cute! 😍 Then he noticed Robin had a small cut on his arm and his inner gremlin activates. If the rude flying furry can't take care of his own kid properly, Danny will do it better!

He bandages up Damian's arm, gives him a cookie and teaches him a neat sword trick before sending him on his way with a hug telling him he needs his sleep.

Danny goes out of his way to run into the bat kids and be the absolute best dad.

He takes Nightwing flying and throws him in the air so Nightwing can do all the fanciest acrobatic tricks.

He tracks down Red Hood and starts a book club with him (Danny may or may not have used his connection with Ghost Writer to get ahold of some rare books).

He eats waffles with Spoiler and trys out weird topping combinations that make them both make faces and laugh.

He makes new gadgets for Red Robin but carefully breaks them just a little bit and takes them to the teen so they can fix them together (it's enrichment!). He always insists RR keep them as a reward.

He follows Signal around during the day invisibly, making faces and doing tricks only Signal can see (he made him laugh in front of the police at a crime scene twice!).

All of the kids get his attention and love and Danny smugly thinks how Batman must be absolutely seething about his kids bonding with Danny and Batman missing out on all of it.

Danny started it out of spite but he does wind up genuinely loving the bat kids.

Batman definetly hates it when the kids are bonding with Danny and is extremely jealous (sulky Batman brooding in his cave about it).

Bruce's repeated attempts to intimidate Danny into leaving Gotham don't work and him telling his kids to stay away from Danny had zero effect (the terrible children don't listen to him at all).

So Bruce starts spending more time with the kids to compete against Danny. The bat kids love it and (little gremlins that they are) use the two of them against each other constantly.

Bruce:"Sorry Tim, I can't make it to your photography exhibit this weekend, there's a meeting with the Justice League."

Tim:"Oh that's fine... I'll just ask Danny to come." 😏

Bruce: Narrows his eyes and grits his teeth, "Actually, the Justice League needs to have contingencies in place to manage without my input. This would be a good time to test their capabilities. I'll skip the meeting and come to your exhibit."

With both of them competing to spend more time with the kids it leads to the two of them spending time with each other to be around the kids more.

After Damian catches a terrible flu bug, Danny spends an entire weekend at the manor babying him. This is when Bruce finds out Danny has known their secret identities for months and tries to get mad about it but Alfred puts his foot down, raises a judgmental eyebrow in Bruce's direction that puts a stop to that nonsense and sets up Danny with his own room in the family wing.

Eventually, Danny gets to the point where he spends most of his nights at the manor and he and Bruce consult each other on all major household decisions.

The whole family is at the manor one morning including Danny. Bruce has a meeting at WE and he and Danny are absently discussing their plans for the day at the breakfast table.

Bruce: " The meeting should take most of the morning and then I have paperwork this afternoon and a scheduled walk through on one of the new engineering projects. I probably won't be done by the time school let's out. Can you pick up Damian today?"

Danny: "That shouldn't be a problem. Would you mind swinging by the bookstore on the way home and getting my preorder? Jay and I just finished rereading the first book and we were wanting to start the second tonight before you all go on patrol. I'd rather not try to make it to the bookstore in school rush hour traffic"

Bruce: "Sure."

Stephanie watches Danny reach out and absently straighten Bruce's tie as they both get up to leave. Bruce grabs Danny's coffee thermos and hands it to him while they walk out the door.

Stephanie: "Sooo, bets on how long until they realize they're basically married?"

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

A Failed Betrothal /Betrothal AU: Take Two

So here is the second part of the betrothal AU that I decided to name "A Failed Betrothal. This takes place before Part 1 which in hindsight should have been done first. Part 2 got too long so I cut it and started Part 3. I have no idea and nothing planned on how long this will go. Hope you enjoy ❤.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)

PART 2

Marinette also wasn't having a good day or a good week.

Lila Rossi had been up to her usual tricks. You know, spewing lies from her mouth. How she met these awesome celebrities during this trip and they worship the ground she walks on for her amazing and humbling help. There were stories of these charities, trips and galas that she had been to or was invited to. She has problems with her wrists and can't do simple stuff like carry her own bag or do her homework. She has tinnitus in her ears so she needs to sit in the front where the only seat available would be next to Adrien.

And for the finale.

The desert after feeding the class a banquet of lies.

"Mari...nette..has been bullying me, she...told..me not to tell anyone..*sobs*..that she would kill me if I did.."

Lila dramatically gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth. Turning on the waterworks for a more dramatic effect. They all ate it up, jumping on the ‘let’s hate Marinette, a bad person’ train.

"She is going to kill me now and I am so scared." That snake managed to snuck an evil smirk past her glaring, oblivious classmates.

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Marinette, at this point of her life, had frankly given up caring for them due to the class's lack of brain cells and Agreste's spineless 'High Road' Approach.

For Kwami's sake, she went through a brutal torture that was training in some jungle temple in Asia before Sabine Cheng, former mercenary/assassin, kidnapped her (Little Marinette took a risk. She ran away and followed her around until Sabine begrudgingly accepted that she was now the 6- year-old girl's mother because screw it, Tom said he wanted children.) to raise/train as her own while she settled down with a baker whose mother may or may not have ties with the Mafia and other illegal activities.

(Mother-daughter bonding days became much more fun once she had Guardianship of the Miraculous. Sabine was ,at first, furious at Master Fu for dumping everything on the girl and losing his memories before swearing to help protect the jewels. Adopted or not, Marinette is her daughter and no one should let a child, even one with training, fight a war. A good thing to come out of her reveal was that her mother was a great tiger to have as back-up. But now, her training regime had become harder and challenging.)

The point was that Lila Rossi would be dead and body missing since that first time she threatened Marinette in the bathroom. The Italian was in perfect health despite what she claims otherwise, because Marinette didn’t want to be the person she was raised to be and also she didn’t want to disappoint Tikki, she was fond of the little red kwami. But sometimes, she just wanted to give into the urge to kill.

She had met and dealt with unsavory characters of all types and she can safely say that Lila Rossi was a manipulator that thrives on attention and like a parasite, latches herself onto the fame of others. None of the unsavory people she had met get under her skin like Rossi had.

Marinette had enough self-preservation to drop the nice girl act and sometimes let the dragon underneath to surface. She stopped doing last-minute favors and giving away free stuff which Lila uses to her full advantage to further destroy her relationships with her ‘friends’. It was better than sticking her neck out for classmates that were no longer worth her time. Attempts to expose Lila had backfired due to the denial they are in, believing the liar to be a sweet, nice girl living the high life.

Adrien with his rose-tinted glasses firmly stuck to his eyes was not happy at all with her decision. That may also have to do where she suggested he shove his advice after he tried to reason her to take the high road for defending herself for the umpteenth time. She felt like the biggest idiot to ever have a crush on him. Every time, Rossi blames Marinette for a problem, he would shoot disappointed looks in her direction.

Alya being Lila's biggest guard dog tore into Marinette for her newfound 'bad' behaviour. The rest of Lila's supporters backed her up with "How could you do that to Lila","I can't believe you changed." Nearly all her so-call friends had turned their backs and lost all common sense to the Italian's manipulations.

(Alya was supposed to be her best friend, aren’t you supposed to listen to your ‘bestie’ over a complete stranger)

The designer took it all with a bored expression on her face, used to the lecturing which was a waste of time because her behavior isn't going to change, no matter what, Lie-la will keep up the act of being the bully's (*cough*Marinette*cough*) victim.

Her heart that cracks the tiniest bit at the accusations. A small part of her, she admits, is hurt that they think so low of her.Was she really that worthless to them? All those times and efforts helping them out on last-minute favors and giving them free treats. Were they not enough to earn their friendship? Their trust or at the very least, a benefit of doubt?

The only ones who didn’t join the berating to 'correct' the raven-haired girl’s attitude were Chloe (who had proven herself to have changed after the miracle queen incident and Lila stole the spotlight and Sabrina. There were a lot of apologizes, gifts and ‘making up to do’) Alix (she came to her senses when the supposed bullying started) and Nathaniel (Lila blatantly claimed to be the artist for the Ladybug comic to his face).

“Girl, Marinette, are you even listening to me?”Alya demanded.

“Maybe. Did you say anything that doesn’t have to do with Lila or how I did her wrong or how I am no longer the person you knew?”

Marinette knew that being sarcastic would backfire but nothing she does or says will change what they think of her. One word from Lila and they will turn back on her. As much as she hates to admit it, Lila’s threat has fallen through and she was alone. Mostly.

She still had Chloe, Nathaniel, Alix, Luka and Kagami as friends. The trust-worthy and loyal kind.

“Girl,” Alya says in a disappointed tone, shaking her head,“when I look at you, I don’t see that girl who stood up to Chloe the bully-”, Chloe snorted, she had changed but they were too blind and prejudiced against her to notice her efforts, “-Picking on Lila, threatening and harassing her. This isn’t you and you know it. Just get over your jealousy on Lila being close to Adrien and apologize to her.”

If Alya had talked to her in the past 12 months other than demanding things that took away her time or anything relating to Lila, she would know that her infatuation had turned into annoyance.

Marinette sighed, too tired of this routine, tired of trying to knock heads so the brain cells can work again. Apologizing would mean that Lila had won. She was petty and stubborn enough to allow that to happen. Lila said she will take the class and Adrien. Fine, she can have them but Marinette Dupain-Cheng will not admit defeat. Bigger men had fallen to the ravenette for lesser offences. A year has passed since the expulsion and the class still hasn't regained common senses, so they can deal with the consequences after the inevitable downfall of Lila and Marinette will be there to see them lay in the grave they dug.

Steeling herself for the pain that will come with the execution of her plan,

“What if I don’t. I won’t apologize to her because I have not done anything to her or even interacted with her. If I apologize, it would be insincere and a lie. And I hate liars.” The former assassin said evenly.

“Lila is not a liar. I don’t know why you are like this.” Alya said, frustrated.

Marinette knew there would be a small chance of an akuma with Gabriel Agreste having an important meeting to attend on this day that would last for the next hour. This was the small window of opportunity to start the plan and also further confirm the identity of Hawkmoth. Killing two birds with one stone.

“Alya, this has always been me, you just never took the time to get to really know the real me.”, she replied, the last part with an icy tone.

“Well-... I- ..You-, fine, then if you can’t say those simple three words, we can’t be friends. I clearly don’t know what a selfish bitch you are. God, I can’t believe I wanted to be best friends with you. You are now replaced by Lila because unlike you, she is genuinely nice and selfless.” Alya declared. The rest of Lila’s supporters murmured in agreement.

Phase 1, complete. Lure the Lie-la into a false sense of security by making her think she won.

Marinette tried not to show how hurt she was, to be replaced by the scheming bitch. But at the same time she felt relieved, she no longer had to walk on eggshells in fear of losing the friendships of people she used to care about. It felt final as she maintained her stoic expression, hoping they didn't notice the glassy sheen her eyes had.

“Then, it is official. We are no longer friends.”

They haven’t been friends for a long time.

Mme. Bustier finally walked into the classroom to start the afternoon classes, signalling the end of the conversation. After class, Marinette resolves to inform them that she was resigning as class president which she was sure the class will be glad for. She was right.

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Ladybug was, as the Americans say, pissed at Hawkmoth which was nothing new. He had sent out another akuma just as Marinette was back home and trying to relax after the stressful day. The akuma was not any of her ex-friends which she wasn’t sure to be thankful for or not.

Louise Martin was a boy about Luka’s age and mad at his friends who had blamed their fifth loss-in-a-row on him despite the fact that it was his skills that were getting them any progress. They were playing one of those recently released 5V5 skills and strategy battle games. (League of Legends or Mobile Legends. Take your pick, I am going with the latter)

He was akumatized into Hayakuma as proof of Hawkmoth’s lack of creativity. Hayakuma was a bleached out version of Louise’s chosen hero avatar, Hayabusa whose outfit was basically what the media portrays ninjas to look like with some samurai aspects.

Unfortunately, he also had the hero’s ultimate special powers which were making four shadow copies of himself and being able to switch positions with them. Thanks to Rattlesnake’s Second Chance, they know that he can only make a switch once every two minute. Hayakuma also wields a sword, showing off his skills.

Just lovely.

Hydra and Ladybug were the only ones able to counter his attacks with Hydra’s sword and Ladybug’s summoned one. (Let’s go with that headcanon(?)/trope that she can summon weapons for plot convenience and the others can too but just don’t have enough practise yet.)

The others managed to dodge and shield themselves from Hayakuma’s really sharp sword.

The shadows themselves were annoying as they would distract or hinder the miraculous users by grabbing them by their shadows and making them unable to move. Until Bunnix had the brilliant idea of shadow boxing which gave the heroes gain more even ground.

With how strong and handful the akuma was, it was code ‘all hands on deck’. Ladybug, Stinger, Rattlesnake, Hydra, Bunnix, Trickster. Well, nearly every hand. Lady Mǔ lǎohǔ was busy with the bakery. Chat Noir was nowhere to be seen or very late which had been the norm for the last year ever since Ladybug wanted to form a new miraculous team consisting of permanent heroes.

(He didn’t show up for the first few months because the first permanent member was Ladybug’s mother who did not like his attitude towards her daughter. He ran away with his tail between his legs once he found out how she was related to Ladybug. His face when he realized it, was something Marinette will cherish forever)

At least when Lady Mǔ lǎohǔ was around, he would not dare act out of line. When she is gone however, he is back to his old ways.

After saving one of Louise’s teammates from Hayakuma’s sword, they gathered the rest of the team and hid them someplace safe. Using Trickster’s illusions to trick all the shadows and the original to one place, the heroes were going to surround and ambush them and get the akumatized item. The plan would have been a success if it weren’t for Chat Noir hugging Ladybug from behind, making her miss her cue.

“Hey~ Bugaboo~ Did you miss me~? Your Chaton~?”

Thwack! Smack!

Chat Noir was on the rooftop, groaning pitifully in pain. Especially his crotch area. Ladybug glared at him and looked to the ambush point to see the illusions had disappeared and everyone else gone from their hiding place.

She sighed and turned on the comms, (Thank you, kwamis)

“Sting, did you venomed the akuma?”

“No, he escaped before I could. What happened, LB?”

“A certain cat got me delayed. What’s the status update?”

“Hydra is holding him off and Bunnix found that an umbrella is a good substitute for a sword. The rest of us are keeping track of the shadows. They split up but none of them are getting near where we hid the targets.”

“Where are you? I will meet you later with back-up.”

“Near Notre Dame and tell Mama Tigress I said hi.”

“Tell her yourself.”

She looked down at Chat No-, no he is not worthy of being a hero anymore with the amount of times he had derailed and hijacked the plans to defeat the akumas just so he can ‘earn’ Ladybug’s heart.

She looked down at Adrien Agreste, who was sitting and sulking like a child that was unfairly punished. (Once she got over her crush and started looking at the right things that she managed to piece together her ‘partner’s’ identity by accident. Tikki’s confirmation sealed the deal.)

“Chat Noir, this partnership of ours,” she said, gesturing to the two of them, “ is going to change tonight. Meet me at the ‘spot’ at 11 sharp. Now, go home.”

He left with a small glimmer of hope in his eyes at her words. She felt a little bad about the subtle manipulation but with the way things were now, it can’t go on. He was hindering more than helping and the people of Paris that weren’t shipping ‘Ladynoir’ saw that.

As she jumped towards Notre Dame, she called the bakery with her yoyo.

“Mama, are you free now? I need a little help with the akuma and can you bring the horse miraculous.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chat Noir waited excitedly at what they both dubbed at their ‘spot’, in the good old days when it was just the two of them. Maybe Ladybug was finally open to the idea of dating. Or maybe she must have seen what a great hero he is and was going to get rid of the team. Or realized that having her mother on her team was a bad idea. Parents are the worst and they both can be two rebellious teenagers in love. Like Romeo and Juliet. So romantic~.

He was so deep in his daydream that he didn’t hear his lady land.

“Chat Noir.” Startled, he nearly fell off the roof. No, don’t make a fool of yourself in front of Ladybug.

“Yes, Bugaboo.” Hoping she didn’t know that he was very distracted. His attention will always be hers 100%.

“Don’t call me Bugaboo. Tikki wants to talk to Plagg about Kwami stuff. So you go over and hide behind that chimney. Then, we can talk about why I told you to be here.” Adrien frowned and then smiled. His lady must be very embarrassed about her mistake that must be why she is taking her time. He tried listening to what they were saying but the kwamis were talking in their special Guardian Language. Was it him or did Tikki’s voice sound more like his lady’s voice?

Whizz!

Adrien was tied up with Ladybug’s yoyo. “M’Lady? Bugaboo!? LADYBUG! WHAT IS GOING ON?!! PLAGG-”

Ladybug cut in, “Adrien Agreste, you have been slack in your hero duty and choosing your own feelings over supporting your partner, me, the holder of the Ladybug Miraculous and current Grand Guardian, in the efforts to defeat the enemy of Paris, Hawkmoth. Due to those reasons, you are no longer worthy to be the Holder of the Black Cat Miraculous” in one swift motion, she took the ring off his finger, “As such you are hereby revoked of Plagg’s Ring.”

“NO, YOU CAN’T. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME BACK. WE ARE SOULMATES, WE ARE MEANT TO BE-”

Adrien went slack at Lady Tigress’s pinch on his pressure point.

“I don’t what you ever saw in the boy.”

“I don’t know either. I think I dodged a bullet here. Can you carry him back to his home? I think I have dealt with enough of him tonight.” Ladybug muttered, as she erased Adrien’s memories of being Chat Noir.

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Tag list: @alysrose-starchild, @buginetye, @lookatthestars1, @blackroserelina, @macncheesemonster, @mochinek0, @myazael, @tonicxworld, @thewitchwhowaited, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @kissa-chan, @iwantasecretidentity, @theymakeupfairies, @user00000003, @woe-is-me0, @kashlyn, @mochegato,@moonlightstar64 , @greatcatblaze, @moongoddesskiana, @tazanna-blythe.

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(Part 3)

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Diego Hargreeves’ child

Diego Hargreeves x child!reader

warnings: knifes, blood, guns, death mentions, mental hospital

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Hi! Could you please write a “The Umbrella Academy” Diego Hargreeves x daughter reader headcanon? I always think Diego is such a overprotective softie dad ♥️♥️”

deigo really said “?????”

how dad

but also he’d just the most loving dad anyone could ever ask for

✨it’s because he was never loved by his dad✨

“hi cutie, i love you, i love you, i love youuuuu”

he locked away all his weapons so that you couldn’t hurt yourself on them

but he always missed a few and he’d turn around and see you holding throwing knives and just FREAK OUT

“no, no, no, you may not have those! knives are for big boys like me, not babies”

“give back”

“‘give back?’ are you nuts?”

diego has conversations with lil you as if you know what the fuck he means dhshshhshs

as you got older, you became more interested in his “career”

“no, i dont care if you have powers or not! you have a bedtime, that means no vigilantism, you hear me?”

“if i say ‘no’ can i be a vigilante?”

“you know what? how about you clean up the gym for al so he doesn’t evict us?”

you did not sign up for this

you really wanted to meet your aunts and uncles, but you weren’t exactly sure they knew about you

i mean, you knew you had a cousin but everyone knew about her because aunt allison was a goshdarn celebrity

“dad, i want to meet the family!”

“no you don’t”

end of discussion

despite having a bedtime, you still watched movies late at night with your dad

he really liked marvel movies

“come on, that would never happen!”

“you come from a family of superpowered kids, a robot mom, and a monkey, and you’re upset about...a guy that shoots arrows?”

“maybe i am, what’re you gonna do about it?”

you ask about umbrella academy stories a lot, you your dad usually makes it about him

“and then i punched that guy in the face! and then i stabbed him in the leg because he was a dick! bet you’re friend’s dads arent as cool as me”

*yawning bc you’ve heard this story a million times*

you go to public school

you do have your dad’s last name

which occasionally gets recognized

“woah! wasn’t your dad a superhero?”

“i have no idea what youre talking about” :)

practicing your knife throwing while diego is away, him coming home to find his knifes stuck through various targets

so proud but he had to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself

you actually had to learn how to patch him up because he did come home a bit battered and bruised several times

“im okay, y/n. no need to freak”

“dad, there is literally blood dripping on the floor will you just sit down and stay still for five goddamn minutes?”

“woah, who the fuck taught you to cuss?”

watching the news at home when your grandfather was reportedly dead

you were actually very upset because you wanted to meet him so bad

even if he was a dick

your dad came home silent and you knew he knew

“you okay?”

“oh, yeah, im better than okay!”

finally getting the chance to meet your family

“who are you?” -allison

“im, uh, y/n. diego is my dad”

*jaw dropping*

and you know what? that happened four more times (plus ben but you didn’t get to see that)

“and you are?” -luther

“who’s the...the little one?” -klaus

“well, what do you know? diego’s a dad” -five

“don’t tell me that’s...no way” -ben

“you’re diego’s? wow, i can’t believe he didn’t tell anyone” -vanya

“i...i know who all of you are” -you

diego bragging about how perfect you are while everyone simultaneously rolls their eyes

“well, y/n, maybe one day we’ll schedule a playdate for you and claire” -allison

“‘playdate?’ how old do you think i am?...but yes i wanna meet her”

“god, you’re so much like diego, it’s unsettling”

you had been secretly training at al’s gym during your dad’s late night activities

so when trouble came your way, you were able to handle yourself pretty well

“where the hell did you learn that?”

“al showed me a few moves!”

“that old man? you’re kidding”

you met your grandmother, grace, who was tasked with keeping you safe at all times

you actually loved her sm

but there was something a bit off about her

besided the fact she was a robot

klaus snuck you out so that you two could have BoNdInG tImE

it wasn’t all bad

ben was a lil choked up that he got to meet one of his niblings

“they’re perfect”

“they just stabbed someone, buddy”

“who are you talking to?”

FIVE EVEN SCHEMED WITH YOU

“okay, y/n, i need you to curve something when i throw it, got that? right at that security guard”

“what are you throwing?”

“you’ll know when you see it, make your uncle five proud”

“IS THAT A GUN”

<3 family

running into patch!!

“hey, kid, i just saw your dad. i thought i told you to handcuff him to the radiator when you were away?”

“yeah, well, he wouldve chewed his hand off so here we are”

that was the last time you saw her :/

well, your dad was now a wanted man

“what happened to your arm?”

“no”

you actually didn’t expect this family reunion to go south like this

wait—yes you did

vanya has powers????

“i thought vanya was the one without powers?”

“yeah. so did we.”

diego straight up did not want you anywhere near that

but you, again, were his child and also fuck authority you do what you want

the vibe is almost getting shot several times

by hazel, cha cha, and “commission” guys?

going 2 ur auntie’s concert 😌✨

“y/n, hide in the bathroom and stay there until i come get you”

“dad, i love you, but no”

“y/n, i love you too, but yes”

“no”

“yes”

“NO”

“YES”

you won

but in the end (or not so much) you time traveled to...1961?

without any of your family

“this is...this is not good”

understatement of the year(s)

what was a kid like you gonna do in dallas, texas in 1961

no seriously, what

it was rough, but you managed to survive on your own

and open a paper in 1963 to find a mugshot of your dad

“son of a—”

visiting dad! (two years later)

“y/n? oh my god, y/n! shit, i missed you so much! why do you look different? you’re bigger, oh god. how long have you been here?”

“2 years, dad. you?”

his hair was so LONG

“2 months”

“christ, that’s it?!”

“i have to stop jfk from being assassinated”

“what makes you think that’s a good idea???”

“its the right thing to do, wanna help?”

“shit, i guess. as long as i dont end up here”

“no promises, people in the 60’s are crazy”

diego: 👁👄👁

you: 👀

running into five on the street soon after

“uncle five?”

“no time to talk”

“okay, asshole? i’ve been here for 2 years and you dont care?”

“two years, huh? i spent 45 years in a post apocalyptic world as a 13 year old and beyond”

“i didn’t say it was a competition, dude. you kinda dropped us all at different times. at least, me and dad. he—”

“is trying to kill lee harvey oswald, i know. come with me”

finally running into your other aunts and uncles, who were so excited to see you

you ran into their arms and they picked you off the ground and you felt closer than ever after only knowing them for 10 days

dad broke out

lila too

“im your new mom!”

“you’re what?”

diego dragged you along with him almost everywhere

he had missed you so much, but he keeps forgetting you kinda grew up without him for a while longer

meeting grandpa :)

“a grandchild, huh? how unfortunate”

“bitch”

“what did you just call me?”

“a bitch.”

your dad and basically the entire table trying to hold back laughter

reggie was stunned

cold hearted just like him <3 he didn’t know if he was offended or proud

this is so confusing

diego just disappeared off the face of the earth

and assassins were on your case

“the goddamn swedes are back oh shittt im gonna die”

“y/n, just curve their bullets”

“it’s not as easy as it sounds, klaus!”

you were doomed

theres too much to go over

apparently you died on a farm????

and then you didn’t??????

and your dad was almost apart of the commission

“hey, you okay, y/n?”

“i would like to take a nap please”

“yeah, me too”

“me three!” -klaus

yeah it was never that simple 😌💕 the end

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @cullens-stuff // @lotsoffandomrecs // @takethebladeawayfromme // @that-nerd-tessa // @teenwaywardasgardian // @spidergirla5 // @sheridans-dynamos // @freya-xo // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @jay-is-groovy // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @abbiesthings // @thereagles // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[goatsandgangsters]

Much as I LOVE the boat chapters of Siege and Storm because I’m a sucker for bottle episodes and “people who don’t like each other grudgingly having to work together on a task and try not to murder each other” (seriously, I wish that section had been the entire book because I had so much fun), I reeeeeeeally don’t think it will actually WORK for the show and needs some fixing:

Reasons why I don’t think it’s narratively strong (despite being tropey as fuck in ways I enjoy)

Way too much of an immediate Uno reverse. Shadow and Bone ends with “oh yay, we escaped the Darkling” and then the FIRST CHAPTER of Siege and Storm is “surprise bitches, bet you thought you’d seen the last of me” aaaaaand they’re captive again

The narrative tension of Alina thinking he’s dead gets shot reaaaal fast, minimizing the payoff

Alina……. doesn’t do anything. At all. In this entire part of the book. The Darkling sets their little whaling field trip in motion, Mal tracks the sea whip, Nikolai arranges the rescue entirely unbeknownst to Alina, who doesn’t get anything meaningful to do during this little excursion. Considering how much more agency the show has been trying to give Alina at every turn (thank god), an entire boating expedition where Her Three Boys are the only active agents while she’s just a spectator isn’t gonna fly

Objectively it’s a really dumb ~villainous plot. “well, killing an amplifier and putting it on you to take your power didn’t work well LAST TIME, but let’s immediately try again. I’m sure it will work out better this time.” I’m in it for the plot (the Darkling standing at the bow, gazing out at the water with his cloak billowing around him), but for viewers who are in it for the PLOT Plot, it’s just… the same plot as last time, but shorter. Disappointing. Will be super obvious when you binge. 

In the book, the Darkling needs to show up again in order to Be In The Story since everything is limited to Alina’s point of view, but that’s obviously not true in the show and that opens up a lot more options for what he could be doing and ways he can be present in the story without Currently Talking to Alina 

Personally, my idea for the show's sea whip in order to a) make more sense plot wise, b) give Alina more agency, c) not IMMEDIATELY rehash the exact same ending of the previous book vis-a-vis “oh no we’re captured” and “oh no another unwanted amplifier”

Alina and Mal are already on the same boat as the Crows at the end of season 1, so they’re at least heading in the same direction for now

We open with Alina and Mal lying low in Ketterdam

Alina gets her wish to visit the library in Ketterdam (good opportunity to start incorporating some Jesper backstory too), where she’s doing her own research on how to make her power stronger and trying to piece together information on Morozova’s amplifiers (unfortunately, the Little Palace library has the BEST books on the subject, but she’ll make do in Ketterdam)

Alina makes the decision to go after the sea whip herself, because Alina Actually Getting To Make Choices And Drive Her Own Story is my kink (as well as Alina Actually Getting To Want and Seek Out Power)

But o! We need a ship! How ever will we go chasing this legendary sea monster?

Fortunately, Kaz-who-knows-everything knows of a certain sea captain juuuust crazy enough to take on the job. He’s due to dock in Ketterdam for trade within a fortnight. Kaz offers to make contact

I wrote this in literally two minutes: “Can we trust him?” Mal asks. “You can’t trust anyone,” Kaz says sharply, “but he’s a legendary smuggler and a patriot.” “A patriot?” Alina asks. “What d’you mean, a patriot?”  Then, from behind them, “A patriot, lovely, means I care about the fate of Ravka, a fate which is currently quite precarious, wouldn’t you say? I’ve agreed to help your little expedition for the good of our country. And for a rather handsome sum of money.” Kaz rolls his eyes. “What is it, Mr. Brekker? No secret honorable intentions, no love of your homeland, lurking in that cold heart of yours?” “Kerch can sink for all I care.” “Well, in that case, best set sail before that happens. I’d hate to ruin these shoes.” 

I don’t know exactly what I want the Darkling to be doing during all of this, but fortunately this isn’t my job to figure out and hopefully they’ll come up with something clever that isn’t “hand him the idiot ball and make him try literally the same villainous scheme a second time.”

We can already establish the darklina mental link as forged through the stag—considering the change that they both had the same bone in them (lol)—or even have the bond start once she gets the sea whip. The stag makes sense because same bone, BUT the sea whip has the potential of “wait, why is this happening, why does this connect me to you, you had nothing to do with this” so that we can build on his own connections to Morozova

Pros: avoids literally rehashing the same thing that JUST happened at the end of Shadow and Bone; makes the sea whip Alina’s choice; lets Alina drive the story instead of Her Three Boys; incorporates the Crows into Alina’s story before they diverge again; lets Ivan live longer

Cons: we can’t dub “my heart will go on” over darklina boat argument scenes :(

[kitkatopinions]

Accidentally deleted my Tyrian and Watts asks while I was trying to fix a mistake so... Sorry about that, everyone! Here they are! Tyrian and Watts for the RWBY character asks!

Let’s do Tyrian first, because I have less to say about him, I feel like.

My top three ships for the character

Tyrian/Watts. Dysfunctional villainous romance of the century, no one knows how they’ve managed to make it to their tenth anniversary without killing each other, including them. Tyrian/Salem is my second top ship for him. Major Bellatrix/Voldy vibes with this one, but I could see it. Tyrian/Hazel is my third ship for lack of options. Does this one make sense? No. But I can at least see Tyrian being super flirty and Hazel being endlessly tired, but never really stopping it. (Also I hate Hazel so much lol.)

My three least favorite ships for the character

Tyrian/Qrow sucks for me. Like... I kinda feel like two people fighting each other just gets shippers, which is fine and totally understandable. But for me, Tyrian poisoning Qrow and almost killing him and calling his beloved niece a bitch and then killing Clover is a big no from me, dog. On that note! Tyrian/Clover is also one big no from me, since Clover murdered him. And Tyrian/Ozpin is another really big no from me. Tyrian and his crazy Salem worship can stay five hundred and fifty feet away from my son.

My biggest criticism for the character

They went a little too much on the crazy in the fourth and fifth season and it made him feel annoying. Like, I don’t mind the Bellatrix vibes, but I do mind the movie version Bellatrix vibes, sometimes. It just got kinda annoying. I wish his crazy was always more on the dangerous side and less on the kooky side, but that’s just personal opinions.

My favorite thing about the character

The way people are so uncomfortable around him. Whenever Tyrian talks to Emerald or Mercury, he’s honestly freaky. Like both me and the characters are waiting for him to snap. That’s a great quality in a villain that we’re meant to hate or love to hate. He has a real presence and it’s enjoyable.

A headcanon I have about them

Tyrian doesn’t often try to act normal, but he can, and he’s got a great ‘respectable, cool guy’ act that’s actually a little reminiscent of Qrow or Clover. He’s even passed himself as a Huntsman here and there.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

More involvement in volumes 4 and 5, and I’d treat him a bit more seriously and make him a bit more dangerous. Maybe I’d have him wound a member of Team RNJR in his attack as well as poison Qrow (maybe give Jaune a reason to unlock his semblance in season 4 and in response to the pain of a member of his team. Also, his ‘Tyrian purple’ color should be more than just the color of his eyes. Like, how come so many RWBY characters season 4 and onward have such boring colors? I’d give Tyrian some strong purple and pink.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Tyrian alludes to the animal fable ‘the Scorpion and the Frog,’ and that’s... really in name only, I think. A part of me wants to give them some kind of points for having Qrow work with him against Clover, only for Tyrian to kill Clover, which lines up with his ‘its just my nature’ scorpion stinging the frog so that they’ll both drown and die. But they didn’t mean for Qrow to really be wrong! They didn’t mean for the lesson to be ‘Qrow shouldn’t have trusted the poisonous villain’ it was ‘wowza does Qrow’s semblance hurt him. :( Too bad Clover got himself killed.’ Which makes the whole allusion kind of suck.

Now for Watts, the single best villain in my opinion.

My top three ships for the character

Tyrian/Watts. See above. This ship would be a dysfunctional mess, but it’d be a wild ride. Watts/Villain!Ironwood. I kind of hate this ship when it’s ‘fallen hero turned villain’ Ironwood. But if he actually had been written as a secret villain or obviously headed that way from the start, I can see him and Watts also being a dysfunctional mess of a wild ride ship, only with way more ‘evil power couple’ vibes than Tyrian and Watts would have. Also my favorite version of this features Watts having been the one to build Penny (maybe by stealing the plans from Pietro) and him and Ironwood raising a still bright and cheerful, still innocent and trusting, villain Penny who will attack to kill with a smile on her face and a ‘it was nice meeting you!’ And this is very weird and niche but Watts/Evil Stepsister (specifically the one with the sharp bangs and highlights.) Someone sent me an ask saying the Evil Stepmother and stepsisters should’ve been connected to Salem and gotten Cinder involved and I totally agree with this. I then started envisioning a world where the step sisters competed with Cinder and all three of them were raised in Salem’s circle. In this version of things, I could totally picture one of the step sisters having a romantic tension driven connection with Watts and the two of them subtly flirting sometimes (and bonding over their mutual hatred of Cinder.) I picked the sister with bangs for no real reason except that I like her look more.

My three least favorite ships for the character

Watts/Cinder. Watts thinks of her like a bratty little girl, and Cinder kills him. Watts/Lionheart. Kinda really hate this one because of how clearly Lionheart was terrified of him. Just a bit uncomfortable for me to see that in a relationship. Watts/Hero!Ironwood or Watts/HeroTurnedVillain/Ironwood. Sorry, but Ironwood in canon got such a bad, bad portrayal in season 8 and the end of season 7, and I just can’t help but blame Watts for quite a bit of it. I only like them as a ship if Ironwood is an antagonist from the start.

My biggest criticism for the character

They shouldn’t have killed him! He was one of Salem’s best followers and one of the best villains and it was such a big mistake to kill literally one of the only actual loyal followers. It threw off any character development for Cinder and it was a big mistake. I really wanted the Cinder / Watts / Neo team up to keep going! I’m so disappointed it got thrown away.

My favorite thing about the character

Watts is an entitled, petty bastard, and I think that’s so good for a villain that isn’t meant to be social commentary (because tbh, RWBY never should’ve tried to be social commentary.) Watts isn’t sympathetic, he’s an Atlas born and raised guy in a three piece suit, he’s posh, he’s upset because he wasn’t given exactly what he wanted. Most of the villains in RWBY are either victims of abuse, systemic oppression, or poverty, and that’s... Not fun in a show that’s never handled social commentary well and is about magical girls destroying Voldemort/Satan with the power of friendship (Ruby literally never says anything about Faunus rights iirc.) Watts is refreshing because he’s exactly the type of villain that you can expect in a show like what RWBY should’ve been, and he flourishes as that. Why would we be sympathetic to Watts when he’s just doing this all because he wasn’t picked first for his tech? Why would we feel soured towards conflicts with Watts and Team RWBY? He’s just a petty bastard being evil because he was snubbed. Why would we be frustrated that incredibly significant problems are being shoved to the side with Watts? He’s a fun villain, he’s not meant to be more, he’s not meant to make you emotionally invested only to then be gutted for it. You can hate to love him without it feeling bad. Maybe that’s why he’s just my favorite non-kid villain (other than Roman.)

A headcanon I have about them

Watts has been trying to build his own AI robot like Penny, in his spare time. He wanted it to be done in time to become a Maiden, but it wasn’t, and Salem gave that slot to Cinder and got after Watts for not contributing enough. He of course thought this was deeply unfair (especially after being made to contribute a lot to Cinder’s Beacon success without getting any credit for it.) And this just fueled his hatred of Cinder, his hatred of Pietro and Ironwood, and by extension, his hatred of Penny.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

I would keep him freaking alive and keep up the pair up he had going on with Cinder and Neo! But also I’d increase his relationships with Emerald, Mercury, Tyrian, Hazel... Just some more Salem’s Inner Circle moments to flesh out their characters. Other than that, I wouldn’t change much. He’s a pretty good character.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Okay, I’ve talked about his character allusion in a very long post awhile ago, but I’m not scrolling down that far to tag it. To sum it up... I hate his allusion. XD I loved the Sherlock Holmes books and read most of them, and I didn’t realize he was supposed to allude to John Watson until I read someone else’s post saying so, and I started freaking out about how awful it was. Watts has so little in common with Watson, he’s essentially the anti-Watson. Which basically means he’s Sherlock Holmes, the opposite of Watson in almost every way, up to and including freaking faking his death which is one of the most iconic Sherlock Holmes thing ever. Watts is everything Sherlock Holmes is on his worst days, arrogant, callous, consumed with his projects, petty, smug, over the top - as well as being hyper intelligent and a genius who often just gets passed over. He has rivalries with his colleagues like Holmes did. And like I said, he faked his death, only to reveal himself to an old friend later on the cusp of carrying out a scheme. He’s evil Holmes! He has nothing to do with John Watson - caring, humble, down to earth, not brilliant like his friend but content to be ordinary and special because of his emotional depth and devoted heart, medical former doctor who spends quite a lot of time chronicling the successes of someone else because he’s content to live in the background. Don’t get me wrong, a ‘Watson’ character who is evil could work - Watson himself indulged in crime for the sake of Holmes sometimes in the original works and if he worshipped Salem or one of her followers and did everything for her while still being a more humble, more friendly, not brilliant person he could be good - but Watts is not that person. Even the gimmicks Watts is given are stupid and don’t make it obvious he’s Watson. Boy’s got a moustache and a revolver and they thought that’d be enough. Idk why they thought 'we’ll make him Watson’ when he’s clearly a Holmes! Also, he’s supposed to be ‘Watson if he’d met Moriarty instead of Holmes,’ and to that I say boo! Watson wouldn’t turn into a super genius just because he meets a different mastermind!

...That’s summing up my feelings, yeah. Because I have so many feelings about his warped, weird character allusion. If I was changing it, I’d just make him Holmes like I think he was clearly supposed to be.

[the8thsphynx]

p,,, p l e a s e ? I mean, please don't feel pressured to tell us about Herc either though!!! but if you want to ramble about her I'll very happily listen,,,,, as a greek mythology buff with fate brain rot your Herc makes me,,,, very happy,,,,, 🥺

HECC YEAH!

Alright, so as a disclaimer, she looks Like That(tm) because I’ve had Heracles as an OC since I was like an 11yo, so LONG before I even knew Fate existed and I’m not planning on changing the way she looks to look more like FSF/FSN Herc.

I also think that the armor I already have designed on her looks closer to Achilles/Jason/Asclepius/Odysseus’s more mecha-centered looks for Fate Greek Servants.

Next, I’ve established that the reason she is female is two separate reasons, and this has to do with compatibility for Roleplay:

When I did roleplay with others, I just had it set that she was from Musashi’s timeline and she isn’t actually the Heracles/Alcides of our timeline.

For my personal writing, it’s like an Artoria situation where history chose to remember her as a man because misogynistic Ancient Greece being like, ‘well there’s no way a woman could be a child of Zeus and this powerful and skilled at being in charge, so you must actually be a man’.

Second Disclaimer: no one has permission to take my designs and recreate them or use them for RP or fanfics.

SO listed below are the major points about her history in this verse and also how she currently operates as a Servant!!

In her history:

Same song and dance as the beginning where her powers surfaced at a young age, so Chiron found her and took her in to train her to be a hero. However, the change-up here is that Zeus gifted Heracles a portion of his power when she was born because he had the intention of this child being the hero that would guide Greece into a new age as his tickcet for his bet with Hera (this was in the 12 Trials original writing). Basically she never had a choice on whether or not she would be a hero.

When she traveled to Thebes in order to attempt to enter the Thebian Army, a whole situation happened with a coup and an attack with a hydra from Lernaea that got lured to Thebes from a nest by the people doing the coup... It was an entire thing. Heracles defeated the hydra and helped identify the traitor guards, so she was able to prove herself to Queen Eurydice and King Creon, who immediately had her married to their son Megara (below).

(he may have been in line for the Thebian throne and an incredibly skilled warrior, but he was THE Malewife.)

A bit before she moved to Thebes, when she was staying in Athens, Eurystheus met her and fell in love with her, but when she rejected his feelings that was when Hera came to him and ‘chose him as her champion’ so she could start her dirty ass scheme.

Heracles had a happy and loving marriage with Megara and they had one daughter and two sons. She would frequently go out with the Argonauts, but always came home to them as soon as she got back on shore.

When the Hera Snake Shit(tm) happened, Heracles was... broken. After the fact, the shock and grief made her go mad all over again until she dragged herself to Thebes and tried to convince Eurystheus to execute her, but because he was in cahoots with Hera he forced Heracles to the 12 Trials instead to ‘redeem’ herself... and this shit lasted 12 years, btw. So that’s 12 years of retraumatizing herself by being forced to do these impossible feats to be forgiven for the murders she was forced by Hera to commit... on top of Hera also sabotaging the Trials wherever she could.

When Heracles completed the initial 10, Eurystheus tricked her into two more, and after completing those two she snapped and nearly killed him, screaming at him to free her. It was then that Eurystheus bitched out and confessed everything to Heracles; Hera’s hatred, her whole plan... all of it. Heracles then stormed her ass out of Mycenae and Thebes and never returned.

She spent the rest of her life until her death by Nessus being cruel, cold, and tyrannical. Heracles had 1 (one) last biological child that she left with a king who would eventually raise that child to found Sparta (Leonidas’s ancestor), but the rest of her very numerous children were all actually orphaned or less fortunate children that she adopted so they could claim the title of ‘child of Heracles’ to help themselves get ahead in life (this is where the Heracleidae came to be). Even so, she usually left them on their own and didn’t open herself to them as a mother-figure.

Her life as a Servant:

She may have manifested as an Avenger class, but this is because of Megara becoming a part of her soul and manifesting with her as the manifestation of her hatred for the gods; he’s made the active choice to turn himself into the arrow meant to kill Hera.

If it weren’t for Megara bonding with her Spirit Core, Heracles would qualify for Grand Berserker class. Because of this, Heracles still has a Madness Enhancement factor that will kick in when she encounters a god. Very similar to when Penthisilea goes buckwild at the mention of Achilles, except it only activates and makes her black out when she is face-to-face with and aware that someone is a god.

Despite being an Avenger, she has an incredibly sweet disposition, especially towards kids. A habit from her life that stuck with her as a Servant is that if she sees a child (Heroic Spirit or not) who has no parents or awful parents, she WILL adopt them and start calling them her child, and no, not in the creepy weird m*mmy k*nk way, foh. In some cases, she’ll just adopt someone because they look like they could be her child. One fucking hilarious instance of this is that she has adopted Archer Emiya even though he gripes all the time that they look the same age physically. Does she care?? NO, that’s her son, babey!

Her Noble Phantasms are the almost the same as FSF Archer Alcides, especially Reincarnation Pandora and King’s Order... and Reincarnation Pandora is actually the reason why she would up contracting with Goetia. But she also has the manifestation of all 12 Trials, albeit in a different form than what Archer Alcides can bring them forth as, and this is because by some handiwork by Daedalus, Heracles can alter the King’s Order to adapt to whatever situation she needs them for.

ex: Cerberus can become a motorcycle aside from also being a three headed hellhound and the famous Lernian Hydra can turn into a Mercedes Benz aside from also being the fuck-off giant Kinghidorah.

Daedalus messing with Heracles’s Noble Phantasms is the most shown in her (Daedalus is a woman in this verse bc fuk u) alteration of Nine Lives to be a multi-adaptable weapon with nine different functionalities that Heracles can flip them to at a moment’s notice. These alternate forms include: bow, twin swords, double-ended spear, polearm, long barreled rifle, twin short arms, bludgeon, battering ram, and can even conform to the braces on her arms and become gauntlets (yes, her and Ruler Martha would vibe).

(I realize that this isn’t the best design, I’m still working on drawing weapons)

Oh, I almost forgot about her other non-combatant quirk: she fucking LOVES blond men. If a grown dude is a blond and NOT a Greek-- regardless of anything else about their physical appearance-- it cranks their attractiveness scale up by at least 2 points for her. Goetia, Fionn, Arthur/Artoria, Gawain, Kintoki, Gilgamesh (he’s on thin fuckin ice), Jekyll, Goredolf... none of them are safe.

She also very much loves modern era fashion and dressing up. Heracles quickly befriends a lot of the female Servants/staff and goes on periodic ladies nights out with them.

[thetorchwoodnineroleplayerwriter]

Popular!Luz AU concept post

This au concept is something me, @crispyclown , and @molotov-does-stuff worked out together on @pastatiger ‘s TOH discord.

The basic concept is “what if Luz never did become friends with Willow and actually did become popular” based on an offhanded comment from boscha in ‘Understanding Willow’ that went to the effect of “that human could have been popular if she wasn’t hanging out with Willow”.

Here’s all the headcanons we’ve all put together:

Timeline:

1) 'teenage abomination' never happens. Luz just has a boring day and becomes vaguely aware of Hexside.

2) during ’Covention’, Amity and Luz meet for the first time. They don’t hit it off but they don’t not hit it off either. After the Lilith speech, Amity still steps on King’s cupcake, but it’s completely by accident. Amity tries to ‘keep up appearances as a Blight’ and ends up accidentally insulting Luz and King while attempting to apologize. Luz ultimately still has the “Bog of Immediate Regret” line, but Amity doesn’t really care one way or the other, so she nearly says ‘you read Azura too?!’ Before instead accepting. Amity and Luz’s bet is pretty low stakes — Amity apologizes to king if she loses, Luz apologizes to Amity if she loses, maybe? But Eda and Lillith get waaaay into the bet and both sides cheat as canon. Amity still breaks down when the construction glyph is revealed, but Luz formally concedes anyways (with low stakes she doesn’t have any serious need to win, and she still would rather be this girl’s friend than her enemy), citing their own relative skill levels, before going and talking to Amity. Amity is still DISTRAUGHT about the whole ordeal, but she and Luz have a much more in-depth heart-to-heart, where Luz explains what she did, tells Amity how cool Luz thinks she is, and manages to tell her the “I’m not a witch, but… I’m training to be one“ line. Amity leaves Luz with the line, ‘they say humans can't learn any magic. But... I don't think that's going to stop you.' And… they’re, maybe friends? Unclear friends? Probably just acquaintances but the point is its nonnegative relationship development.

3) ‘Hooty's Moving Hassle' is removed.

4) in ‘Lost in Language’, Luz is still a little over-friendly with Amity (Amity respects her for serious but also She Has A Reputation, Luz) when they meet in the library. Luz still gets sucked in to the twins’ chaotic energy, and Luz still thinks hanging out with them will somehow translate to brownie points with Amity. When Amity walks in on them in the secret room, she’s much more visibly and viscerally betrayed by (what she thinks) Luz did. However after saving themselves from evil Otabin, Luz does convince her the twins tricked her, they book trade as canon, Amity actually clearly thinks of Luz as a friend at the end of it all.

5) the moonlight conjuration incident happens after the library incident. Amity spins a BS story about Luz being a skilled witch to her parents and invites her to the conjuring. While initially their conjuring goes as canon (ie nowhere), Luz turns it to a regular party with Boscha, Skara, Amity, and herself. (and Cat, i think? Whoever their canon fourth was, she’s still here.) Eventually they try again, and since (in this au) the conjuring's power == your conjuring group's friendship's strength, and everyone here is at least somewhat friends with luz now, they do manage to animate a few things.

6) at some point here, Luz, Boscha, and Skara team up for a pickup game of grudgeby, and Luz learns the fireball glyph.

7) During ‘Once Upon a Swap', both Skara and Boscha notice how out of character King!Luz is acting. They can admit King!Luz is being cool, if a lil dorky, but they have an out-of-character moment where Boscha tries to ask 'Luz' if she's okay. King doesn't get it, but the others walk in on it so Boscha resumes acting like a challenged alpha bitch. (Luz eventually explains to Skara what was goin on that day. Luz ‘conveniently’ never got the chance to clue Boscha in.)

8) at some point around here, Luz manages to get Eda to enroll her in Hexside.

9) 'adventures in the elements' is changed bc Luz does know two glyphs. However, She and Amity want to hang out some more and Amity thought Luz's fire glyph could help her learn the fireball spell, so they still go to the knee together (with Eda, Emira, and Edric as terrible excuses for chaperones.) Luz learns the ice spell under Eda’s somewhat hands-off tutelage, possibly after accidentally angering the Slitherbeast as in canon.

10) In ‘First Day', Boscha is looking forward to finally getting a read on this girl who wormed her way straight into Amity's heart. (she's not jealous. nuhuh. not even a little. YOU’RE jealous!) Luz still immediately gets Detention'd, tho, but this time Amity and Boscha show up to bust her out unprompted, leading to a VERY awkward moment where Viney (and Jerbo and Barcus) refuse to trust Luz on the basis that Boscha and Amity are her friends, and both of them are notorious jerks who would ABSOLUTELY bully the DT kids. Amity has to duck out for her performance tho. the episode concludes as canon.

11) we get an extended time where we see how Luz easily makes friends with almost everyone at Hexside. She's friend-shaped and she gets a HUGE popularity boost for being honest friends with Skara and Amity. (she gets rancid vibes from Boscha when they’re at school together, but she can't put her finger on *why*. and besides, Boscha calls Luz her friend too, so that probably counts.) during this time Luz meets Gus, who is one of E&E's classmates. Gus can have an episode, as a treat.

12) Luz finally meets Willow, and gets slapped in the face HARD with confirmation that Amity and Boscha are kind of massive assholes. Luz tries to befriend Willow, but Willow refuses to trust her due to how often Boscha, Amity, and the rest of the popular girls who make up most of Luz’s closer friend group have bullied her.

13) Luz tries to get Boscha to take it down a notch. Boscha takes it up a notch. Luz tries to get Amity to help, Amity asks why it matters — it’s just ‘half a witch willow’, no one cares. Luz realizes, awkwardly (and probably with the assistance of Jerbo and/or Barcus), that while she currently has a lot a friends and is popular, if she defends Willow from Boscha’s bullying she’ll lose a lot of her popularity. Luz kind of has a small breakdown over this, because she doesn’t want to risk friends here when in the human world she has so few, but at the same time, she has Principles! She can’t just ignore this! As one of her schemes to help Willow without going against Boscha directly, Luz manages to get Willow transferred out of Abominations, although Willow is kinda annoyed by this since even though she’s in plant track she feels a stranger. (This alienation eventually goes away, but not before…)


14) Luz snaps and punches Boscha in the face one day for bullying Willow once too many times. Boscha gets PISSED and Luz is NOT BACKING DOWN, even though she’s scared. Boscha basically exiles Luz from the friend group, which has the added effect of making almost all of Luz’s friends stop talking to her, most painfully Skara and Amity. Willow starts to tolerate her, but only barely. (Gus is still Luz’s friend tho. In fact, Gus, the DT kids, and E&E Are the only Hexside students at this point who’ll be caught dead with Luz.)


15) ‘Understanding Willow’ Is changed; Luz catches Amity burning up Willow’s memories. However, since Amity, Luz, and Willow are distinctly *not* talking to each other, the quest to save Willow’s mind is *much* more tense. Luz keeps taking potshots at Amity for abandoning the both of them, Inner Willow hates both of them, and Amity is trying desperately not to have fun with people who hate her and also trying desperately to defend her actions. Amity still reveals the same secret of the day she stopped being Willow’s friend; Luz, meanwhile, reveals some bad memories of her own human school that make it very obvious how much the chance to be popular meant to her and how she genuinely empathizes with Willow’s whole situation. Ultimately ends with a bit of a tense moment between the three where they admit they’re not friends yet… but at the very least they’re all willing to be friends, now.

16) We get some time watching Luz slowly re-making her friends throughout the school, as people decide they really do like Willow and Luz as people and they’re kinda tired of Boscha been an alpha bitch. Maybe spliced with Willow & Luz & Amity hangin out, being friendly, or with Boscha been salty and Skara et al. being here by obligation even though they *clearly* wanna hang out with Luz some more.

17) ‘Wing It Like Witches’ happens largely beat for beat here. Boscha attempts to re-assert social dominance, Luz invokes the sacred rites of a game of grubby with a bet, Luz tries to get Willow and Gus in for it but Gus can’t and Willow won’t; Amity talks Willow into forming a 3 person team with her. Extra angst from the fact that Boscha and Luz did actually have some bonding over being on the same team on an earlier grubby game.

18) Grom happens now, largely as canon. When preparing Luz for the main fight, Amity theorizes (incorrectly) that Luz’s greatest fear is losing her friends on the boiling isles; Luz goes along with it, because ‘I already faced that fear once this year, it’ll be a cinch’. Grom tries it but it doesn’t work, but then from turns into her mom. (We see Amity nearly cry from Grom turning into her, but realizes what’s going on, and then has a massive blush from being called ‘her’ Amity. Skara rolls her eyes, bc she’s been clued in. Boscha is deliberately not caring.)

.

20) Boscha eventually gets to the point where she decides to apologize to Willow. She starts with a BS ‘lol sry’ approach, ends with a record-scratch-sudden rant where Boscha really does break it — and herself — down in honest apology. Some of the bad attempts are played for comedy, this one played completely straight.

Miscellanious other elements:

Unrequited Boschamity / exes Boschamity, boscha has cool banter with her friends (mildly platonic boschluz banter, snarky boschamity banter, member boschkara banter, etc), Boscha being really jealous of Luz, Everyone — EVERYONE — pines at Skara, Luz also pines at willow eventually, BOSCHA ACTUALLY GETS A REDEMPTION ARC AND ITS WELL WRITTEN AND NO ITS NOT IN SERVICE OF A SHIP, Boscha::Azula Amity::Zuko wrt redemption arcs, Boscha joins the inevitable rebellion as one of those ‘everyone in public thinks I’m an enemy of the rebellion so I can help them out real nice in the DL’ people, and yes we ARE overthrowing the government at some point in this au just not right now, right now we’re having ANGST and LUMITY, boscha is actually very nice to her friends when she wants to be she just usually doesn’t feel like she Should Be Vulnerable, any episode that’s just ‘Luz With Willow And/or Gus doing Hijinks’ (ex ‘Really Small Problems’, ‘Something Ventured, Someone Framed’) that hasn’t already been mapped to an event in this timeline is skipped completely, yes that means Mathholomule successfully becomes president of the human club, none of this aus cast is actually friends with him tho don’t worry, Edric has been quietly dating Jerbo for a while now but his sisters don’t know, Emira is a disaster lesbian for Viney and the teasing is relentless, Emira is a terminal prankster with a maladapted sense of boundaries as a result of her parents, this is a point of contention for her courtship of Viney who can and will go OFF on her for crossing the line and not feeling guilty, Edric is very aware of boundaries but he also finds looking to her for direction gets him in trouble the least at home so he just feels terrible afterwards and tries to get Emira to tone it down and/or apologize, basically the library incident was her idea in this au and he went along with it because of blight child optics stuff, Luz’s memory may out Luz to Willow and Amity, Willow and Amity absolutely say ‘gay rights’, in fact the entire isle says ‘gay rights’, this au tricks you into thinking ‘oh easy lumity’ but then Willow comes in like a wrecking ball, during that murky period when Luz’s friends all hate her bc she punched boscha all the people still willing to talk to her get friendly REAL fast, yes that includes willow and amity once they all stop hating each other, nobody lets Amity live down “Oh, wow,,, sports” except Luz who didn’t get it, Everyone has a song assigned to them at the sleepover, Luz’s is Bad Reputation, Skara’s is Caramelldansen, Boscha’s is Money Machine, Amity’s is Eminence Front because I say so

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 3 (Crygi, Jankie, Jaida x Nicky) - Metaluna

Summary: What better way to celebrate a successful opening day than a party? tw: underage drinking//drinking in general

On the way back home, Gigi turned onto the dirt road that would take her back the quickest. A road that was the exact opposite direction of Crystal’s house.

Crystal gasped. “You’re a liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“You said your house was on the way to mine. Clearly it’s not. Why’d you say it was?”

“Because I knew that you would say no if I told you it wasn’t on the way, and I like driving you. I like our conversations. And coffee. And of course, singing terribly together.”

“You’re absolutely right. I wouldn’t have let you. But I love talking to you, Gigi.” She smiled. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about. I am a great singer and you know it.”

Once they made it back to Gigi’s, she led Crystal up the stairs into her room. Gigi’s room was exactly what Crystal had imagined. It was decorated with an orange and aqua color scheme. It was a lot cleaner than Crystal’s room. There were posters of musicians that Crystal didn’t know. Above the bed, there were fairy lights with Polaroids. One corner of the room had a vanity with a large backlit mirror, and the other had a desk with plants perched on top.

“I guess you can do makeup at the desk? I think I have an extra mirror…” Gigi rifled through her vanity drawer. “Here we go.”

“Thanks!” Crystal took out a plethora of hair pins that kept perfectly messy space buns intact. She was left with a frizzy mess. “As much as I love looking like a lion, do you have a straightener I can borrow?”

“Are you sure?Lion King is one of the best movies.”

“I’m more partial to Hercules. ”

“If you say so. Let me go get it from the bathroom.”

Crystal examined the Polaroids. There were six in total. The first photo was taken with a girl who looked to be a few years older than Gigi that had striking similarities. Both girls had the same upturned nose and blonde hair. Immediately, Crystal recognized that they were on The Boardwalk at the park, the large Ferris wheel visible in the background. The second photo was Gigi with a woman that Crystal could only assume to be her mother, and was taken at the beach. Gigi and the woman were both relaxing on colorful towels under a large umbrella. The last Polaroid Crystal looked at was of the three women skating at Rockefeller Center during Christmastime.

“Having fun?”

Crystal jumped. “Is this your mom and sister?”

Gigi nodded. “I love them so much. Honestly they’re my best friends”

“It’s nice that you guys are so close.” Crystal felt a pang of jealousy. As an only child, she would never know the bond of a sibling, and while she and her parents were on good terms, she would hardly consider her parents friends, let alone best friends.

“Honestly me and Nora, my sister, weren’t close until our dad left our mom a few years back. I think it’s because we really only had each other to lean on.”

“Oh, Gigi, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. He’s an asshole, and honestly, we’re better off without him.” Gigi forgot she was holding the straightener. “Oops, sorry. Here go you.”

After Gigi sat at her vanity and began brushing her perfect blonde hair, Crystal called, “I’m changing. Don’t look!”

Gigi could only imagine what Crystal looked like in her underwear. As soon as she found her mind wandering, she forced herself to stop and focused harder on getting ready.

After finishing a perfectly blended smokey eye, Gigi puckered her lips after putting on a layer of red gloss, and realized Crystal was standing behind her. It was hard for Gigi not to audibly gasp. She hadn’t seen Crystal’s hair straightened before, and while her curls were beautiful, she looked incredible with straight hair too. She was wearing a black and white striped crop top that hugged just the right places paired with a black skater skirt that had suspenders. Gigi was impressed at how clean Crystal’s makeup was. She opted for a blue cut crease and a matte red lip, a combination Gigi would never even think about trying. To finish the look, she had on necklaces, earrings, and bracelets that didn’t match each other, but somehow Crystal pulled off perfectly.  

“You look beautiful,” Gigi finally said.

“Thanks,” Crystal curtseyed. “You too. Oh shit!”

“What?”

“We match.” Gigi looked at her reflection, and realized she was right. Her black and white jumpsuit perfectly complemented Crystal’s top.

Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand. “Come here!” She pulled her to the full length mirror.

“What are we doing?”

“We have zero pictures together, which needs to change.” Crystal pulled out her phone and started taking mirror selfies. After posing for a few, Crystal went through her camera roll, taking time to look at each of them.

“Wow, you are so gorgeous. You could literally be a model. You’re so good at posing.”

Gigi smiled. “I used to practice when I was little.”

“Well, it paid off.”

Crystal sent the best one in the groupchat. It was already abuzz talking about the night’s festivities. The photo was met with high praises from everyone.

After she checked the time on her phone, Gigi said, “If we’re gonna get some alcohol, we should probably leave now.”

  Crystal bit her lip. “How are we going to get any?”

Wordlessly, Gigi pulled an ID out of her wallet and handed it to Crystal, which stated that she was born in 1996. “I’ve had this since I was 16.”

“Oh wow, you rebel.”

Once inside the liquor store, Crystal was surprised at how many types of alcohol there were. She had no idea where to begin. There were shelves and shelves of bottles of all different shapes, sizes, and colors. She wondered how anyone picked which one to buy. If it was up to her, she would have bought the purple sparkly alcohol. She wasn’t even sure what it was, but it was pretty.

Gigi looked at her. “Any requests?”

“Gigi I have no idea what any of this is. Just something fruity and delicious.”

“Got it.”

Gigi settled on a fifth of coconut rum and some pineapple juice to mix. While walking past the cooler, she grabbed a six pack of hard black cherry lemonade for good measure.

Once they made it to Heidi’s apartment, the party was already in full swing. Music was playing so loud that its loud bass line echoed through the parking lot. Earlier that night, Heidi had told everyone to let themselves in. Heidi’s apartment was filled with people. It was much larger than Gigi anticipated. It was nicely decorated with a large living room, with plenty of space. At first, Gigi didn’t recognize any of her fellow partygoers. She heard Brita, but didn’t see her. As they made it further into the house, they found Heidi, right in front of the sound system the music was coming from. Gigi felt her chest vibrating.

 “Hey, bitches!” Heidi hugged them the best she could while double fisting Whiteclaws.

“Do you have any cups?” Gigi tried to shout over the music.

“What?”

“Cups?”

“ What?”

Gigi pantomimed drinking.  

“Oh! Kitchen.”

Once they made it into the kitchen, a voice screamed, “Oh my god!”

Brita pulled Gigi and Crystal into a hug. Gigi could only think about how nice Crystal smelled. Crystal looked slightly taken aback, since she didn’t know Brita well. But, let it go since Brita was probably on at least drink number three of the night.

“You’re both so hot!” Brita looked both of them up and down. “Maybe I do like girls! Wow, wow, I’m drunk.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Gigi said as Brita left the kitchen, going on about finding a girl to makeout with .

 Gigi grabbed a red Solo cup and began pouring a drink. Because Crystal hadn’t drank before she barely poured a shot’s worth of alcohol in her cup. This was a contrast to her own cup, which was half rum and half pineapple juice. Gigi spotted a marker next to the cups. On hers, she wrote her name with some stars after it. After some thought, she decided to draw hearts on Crystal’s cup.

Gigi handed Crystal the cup, making sure that she would see the hearts. “Here, drink this.”

Crystal dramatically gasped. “You’re such a talented artist.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

As she took a drink, Crystal’s face contorted to a slight look of disgust. “It’s um. Strong.”

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t like it.” Gigi held her hand out to take the cup.

Crystal took another drink. “The more I drink it, the more I like it.”

“That’s usually how alcohol works, babe.”

After walking around Heidi’s apartment, Crystal and Gigi eventually found their friends. They were all sitting on a large sectional in a corner of the living apartment where the music wasn’t blaring. Gigi was glad to be able to hear herself think. Jaida and Nicky were looking quite comfortable next to each other. Nicky whispered something in Jaida’s ear before grabbing her hand and leading her out of the room.

“Shit,” Jackie groaned. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“What is it?” Jan’s eyes were full of concern.

“Every single summer, Jaida meets one of the new girls, they hook up, and she gets way too invested. Every single summer she breaks her own heart, and I end up picking up the pieces. Every. Single. Time,“ Jackie lamented, taking a swig of vodka. 

“Maybe it won’t be like that. Nicky seems like a nice girl,” Crystal said while taking a seat.

“That may be so, but I don’t think that Nicky has the same intentions that Jaida does. I love the girl but she’s an idiot.”

“Well,” Jan began. “Jaida’s a big girl, I think she can handle it herself. Let’s go check out the beer pong table.”

The kitchen table was pushed into the hallway where an intense game of beer pong was taking place. It was Widow and Heidi vs. Gigi’s coworkers, Dahlia and Rock.

There was one cup left, and it was Widow’s turn. Carefully, she aimed and threw the ball and landed it perfectly in the cup.

“Drink up, bitches!” Dahlia chugged the beer in the cup.

“Who’s next?” Heidi asked. “We’ve won the last three rounds.”

Crystal looked at Gigi, who at some point finished her drink and moved onto a lemonade. “Wanna?”

Gigi raised her and Crystal’s hands.

“Step on up, ladies!” Heidi said as she refilled the cups.

Widow went first. “Y’all are going down!”

“You wish.” Gigi’s expression was determined. She was awful at beer pong, but wasn’t about to let Crystal know that.

Widow’s ball landed in one of the cups with a plop right in front of Crystal. It was clear Crystal wasn’t well versed in the rules of beer pong, so Widow instructed, “Crystal, drink.”

Crystal nervously fished the ball out of the cup. She raised it to her nose and made a face.

“It’s not going to be good,” Gigi said. “Just warning you. Thankfully there’s not much in there. Don’t let it sit on your tongue. Drink it down.”

Crystal did as she was instructed. “My turn?” Gigi nodded.

Even though she tried to aim, Crystal was feeling the effects of the alcohol. The ball veered to the left, nearly hitting Jan. “Oops.”

“Good one,” Heidi teased as she sank a ball right in front of Gigi. “Drink up.”

Gigi also made a face when she drank the beer. “You’re out here getting the cheap shit, huh?”

“You try buying boujee shit when we barely make about minimum wage.”

Gigi couldn’t argue with that logic. She surprised herself by making a shot.

“I’m impressed,” Widow said while finishing her cup.

After a close game, each team had one cup left. Crystal failed to score anything. Thankfully, Gigi was having a good game for once and carried them to the end. Gigi’s shot was just wide.

“Get ready to lose, hookers,” Widow said confidently. She was so confident, she barely aimed and missed.

“It’s all you, Crys,” Gigi said. “You can do it.”

“I can do it.”

Crystal stood aiming her ball for at least thirty seconds.

“Today, Crystal,” Heidi said dramatically looking at her nails.

“Hold on!”

She took a few more seconds before tossing the ball. It landed in the cup with a plop. Jan, Jackie, and a few other spectators cheered.

“I did it!” Crystal slurred hugging Gigi.

“You did!”

“I wanna dance. Let’s go dance!” By this point, Crystal was extremely drunk. Gigi found it absolutely adorable, the way she slurred her words and thought very hard before speaking.

The group made their way into the living room. Another song that Gigi didn’t recognize was playing over the speakers. Jan began to grind against Jackie. Jackie was taken aback, but pulled her closer. Crystal looked at Gigi and raised an eyebrow. Gigi shrugged in return. A song that Gigi had heard a few times on the radio started.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Crystal squealed, standing in front of Gigi starting to grind on her.

Gigi was shocked as Crystal’s hips rocked back and forth in front of her. Gigi grabbed onto Crystal’s waist, pulling her closer. As Crystal rubbed against her, Gigi could feel herself being turned on. When Crystal bent at the waist and started shaking her ass, the blonde thought she would drop dead on the dancefloor. Crystal turned her head at Gigi and smiled.

Do I kiss her? Is she just looking at me? What’s going on?!

Before she could think any further, Crystal turned back around as the song ended and pulled Gigi into a hug.

“I’m having so much fun!” Crystal exclaimed.

“How many drinks have you had tonight, Crys?”

“Umm,” She counted on her fingers. “One, two, three… Four. I think I’m done!”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Crystal gasped and pointed at Jan and Jackie. They were in the middle of the makeshift dance floor with their lips intertwined. Jackie had a fistful of Jan’s ass while Jan’s hands were running up and down Jackie’s back.

“Holy shit!” Gigi was thinking about earlier when Jaida said that Jackie was straight.

Just then, Jaida and Nicky found Crystal and Gigi. They both looked disheveled, as if they had gotten dressed in a hurry. Jaida was pulling up her tube top, and Nicky was fixing her hair.

“Where have you two been?” Gigi raised an eyebrow.

“Mind your business,” Jaida warned.

The four girls watched Jan and Jackie, who had stopped kissing and were just looking into each other’s eyes. After noticing her friends, Jackie ran into the bathroom. 

“Shit,” Jaida said, running after Jackie.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jan asked, tears welling her eyes.

“No, you didn’t do anything,” Gigi took her hand. “Let’s go outside.”

–

“Jackie, what the hell?” Jaida slammed the bathroom door behind her.

“I don’t know! Jaida, I’m drunk, she’s drunk… She just looked really pretty, and I don’t know what happened! Next thing I knew, my hands were on her ass and her tongue was down my throat!” Jackie slurred. “I’m straight! I don’t like girls!”

“Listen. I’ve seen you. You’ve been checking out Miss Jan every single day you’ve seen her. I don’t think that’s just gals being pals.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Jackie. We don’t have to talk about that right now but I really think you should–”

“Jaida, stop. I can’t do this right now.”

With that, Jackie stormed off in a hurry.

–

Gigi, Nicky, and Crystal managed to calm down Jan, who was near hysterics.

“Does she hate me?” Jan slurred. “She kissed me first!“

“No, Jan. I think that maybe Jackie doesn’t know how to process whatever it is that she is feeling,” Nicky reassured.

Gigi’s phone buzzed. It was Jaida.

Jackie’s freaking out. I’m taking her home. She doesn’t live too far away. I’ll be back.

They all sat with a crying Jan until Jaida showed up.

“Oh, chile,” Jaida began wrapped Jan in a hug. “It’s not you. I promise it isn’t. Jackie doesn’t know how to act when it comes to her emotions. I promise it’s not you.”

“Really?” Jan wiped her eyes. “How fucked is my makeup right now?”

“Pretty fucked. But let me fix it.” Nicky said, pulling a wipe from her purse.

“I’m not letting her ruin my night. Ladies, let’s go do shots!” Jan pulled a bottle of tequila out of her bag.

There were already slices of lime and a salt shaker set up in the kitchen. Because she was the only one sober enough to do so, Gigi poured the shots.

“Crystal,” Jan slurred. “Whatcha gotta do is you lick your hand and shake the salt on it. Then, ya lick the salt, then ya take the shot. It tastes bad, don’t let it sit in your mouth. Then ya suck the lime.”

“Act like it’s cough syrup,” Jaida recommended.

The four girls toasted their glasses, set them on the table, shot the tequila back, and sucked on the lime. Gigi didn’t think she was good at very many things, but she was good at shots. Everyone else made the universal face when doing shots, except for her.

“Crystal, you look like you went through all the stages of grief at once,” Nicky teased.

“That was gross.”

“You don’t drink it because it’s good,” Jaida said.

The rest of the night was filled with selfies, dancing, and for everyone but Gigi, more drinking. She didn’t remember the last time she had this much fun at a party, even if she did spend a good chunk of the night holding Jan’s hair back in the bathroom.

At about two AM, the party started to unwind.

“Ready to go babe?” Gigi asked an extremely drunk Crystal.

“Yeah I’m ready to go home.”

“It’s late, do you want to just spend the night at my house?”

“We’re gonna have a sleepover?”

“Yes, Crystal, we’re going to have a sleepover.”

After thanking Heidi for a great party, she managed to single handedly get Crystal into her Jeep. Gigi looked over at Crystal who at some point had fallen asleep. Once they made it back to her house, Gigi gently tapped Crystal’s shoulder.

“Okay, babe, we’re back.”

“Sleepover?”

After much protesting, Gigi managed to get Crystal to drink some water. She brought a bottle up to her room for good measure. Because she was a good friend, she removed Crystal’s makeup.

After rifling through her dresser, she gave Crystal an old cheerleading shirt and some shorts. “The bathrooms right over down–”

Crystal began stripping in Gigi’s bedroom. As much as she tried to look away, she couldn’t. Crystal’s body was much curvier than her own, but Gigi couldn’t help but stare at how beautiful she was… How beautiful her breasts were… After changing, Crystal plopped onto Gigi’s bed and fell asleep. Because she had a queen sized bed, Gigi decided she could share and it wouldn’t be weird.

The next day, Crystal woke up cuddling Gigi. She didn’t remember parts of the night. She remembered beer pong, dancing, Jan crying, Jackie running away, and shots. Her head was pounding, and everything felt too bright. She got up and found the bottle of water. She pulled out her phone to text her ride. She couldn’t let Gigi give her another ride home.

Gigi must have heard her, as she woke up. “Morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?”

“Not good. My head’s pounding.”

“Awe, baby’s first hangover,” Gigi teased. “Are you hungry?”

“No, eating is pretty much the last thing I want to do right now. I have someone coming to get me soon. Also, did you check the group chat?”

“No, why?”

Gigi sat on her bed with Crystal as they went through all the photos that were sent that night. The blurry photos said it all. Gigi’s favorite was a group photo right before shots.

Crystal’s phone buzzed. “My ride’s here!”

“I’ll walk you down.”

A truck was in Gigi’s driveway. A blonde boy with a shaggy beard came out.

“Ryan!” Crystal exclaimed, running to hug the boy. “Gigi, this is my boyfriend Ryan. Ryan, this is my coworker, Gigi.”

Boyfriend.

Gigi’s stomach dropped.

“I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Nice to meet you,” she mumbled.

“Thanks for taking care of her.” Ryan kissed Crystal on the cheek.

“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow, Crystal.”

Gigi closed the door without waiting for a response.

[edgarallanhoetry]

Arati watches “The Princess Switch: Switched Again”

Okay this is high anticipation because we are obsessed with Netflix Christmas movies and we watched princess switch last year while I was flu ridden and I genuinely can’t wait for this next set of shenanigans

Omg this mans Kevin has only gotten hotter shoutout to his smiley eyes

........I don’t trust Antonio. I don’t trust his weird mouth and I don’t trust his intentions!!!!

I was RIGHT fuck Antonio get outta here buddy. Kevin is the only one 4 Margaret thx.

I genuinely cannot stand when “cute lil kids” are trying to get two adults together. Like hello infant you do not understand the complexities of adult relationships and breakups so perhaps your cute ideas about how we should be left alone to make hot chocolate together is not as clever and useful as you think it is.

Okay quite frankly I am so proud of Vanessa Hudgens, she has truly found her nice and it is cheesy Netflix Christmas romcoms and LOOK at her playing THREE roles in this!! Casual and kind Stacy, stately and fun Margaret, fabulous and trashy Fiona!!

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm this is embarrassing because........I’m really attracted to this weird trashy fabulous Fiona Pembroke character?? Like Vanessa-Hudgens-as-Stacy still reminds me of HSM, Vanessa-Hudgens-as-Margaret is hot, but Vanessa-Hudgens-as-Fiona is doing it ™ for me!! I’m feeling masc tonight and this bratty high femme is my type??

Yes bitch we love a montage, we love the gals doing each other’s make up and practicing each other’s walk!

Okay please explain why they decided to include a literal 10 year old child in their big switcharoo plans but not Prince Edward, the literal prince and also the literal husband of one of the people doing the switching??? This poor man already feels insecure in his marriage and now this literal child is callling him a helipcopter husband?? His upper lip can’t handle this!

Yesssss this bitch Fiona went straight for the chloroform and then straight for the gold! My girl was meant to be a queen!!

Awww I do really love Margaret and Kevin and their sweet lil love story.

But I truly suspect someone is about to expose them.

Oh fuck two vanessas in one room switched and the other is knocked out in a closet?? This is STRESSFUL! The anticipation!! YO FIONA IS VISCIOUS. She’s refusing to switch!!!!!!!!!!

I do love the trope of some useless henchppl and Reggie and Mindy are fulfilling it perfectly.

Oh thank GOD Margaret has come clean to Edward. Finally some transparency in this convolution! I’m actually secretly thrilled here becuase honest communication seems to be literally something a Netflix movie exec has never fucking heard of. I’m genuinely impressed that most people in the movie’s cast know what’s going on already at this point in the film.

“Off with their heads!!!!” Vanessa Hudgens is having the time of her life playing this insane triple role and I say good for her! Eat ur heart out Zac Efron.

I’m a little annoyed that Antonio is the one to figure her out; he’s like the human version of a swimming pool noodle. Oh of COURSE he wants to be part of the scheme. I never trusted this man! This why is we should never go after white boys ladies gaydies and theydies!

Okay this is the coolest Stacy has eeeeverrrr been and also somehow this movie turned into a James Bond thriller? Good 4 them. Minus this cheesy terrible fake punch that Edward just landed on Reggie? Please friends, this was scene was going so well.

Yesssss gooodddd please reassure Edward he has been having the worst night of his life.

“It’s a world tour of orphans”

Folks! This movie is about feminism! Margaret is confident and believes in herself and is ready to rule ˘◡˘ I’m honestly so proud. Even Fiona is proud! Oh it’s a movie about Christmas and family too.

Oh Frank, falling for this. “Poor poor girl” he says about Fiona. I get it, Frank! I too am swayed by hot ladies!

It’s feminism when the girl chases the guy to the airport and then is the one to propose.

Every couple is having good normal healthy convos! Wow. Someone on the writing staff went to relationship counseling between this and the last movie!

Oh! A lil cameo from The Royal Wedding!

Wow this movie really thought about Representation. I saw a lil gay couple dancing and a Black woman with literally four lines total and one (1) indian woman in a sari at the coronation. Honestly social justice is over folks, this movie ended oppression.

Omg fuck yah there’s gonna be a Princess Switch 3 coming out next year! Death to the monarchy and all that, see y’all next time xoxo.

[ivyandink]

How The Ivy’s End - Season 1

it’s long af, so below the cut. at the end is a brief tldr; too for u instant gratification fans

Levi & Penelope

Levi and Penelope, after raising 4 kids together (Luna, Dorian [Penny + Zach’s baby, passed off as Levi’s], Morgan and Charlotte [Penny+Levi’s twins]), have a struggling relationship.

Levi is constantly trying to make things work, to make Penny happy, and to find the ‘spark’ they once had, in an attempt to revive their dead bedroom (yup!!! rip). Penny gets put on a project at work that has her teaming up with a legal consultant... none other than ex-boyfriend Justin Brees!

While Levi is struggling to work on his relationship with Penelope, raise his children, and manage his relationship with Luna’s mom Megan, Penelope is starting to feel things she hasn’t felt in a while-- but for Justin. 

When Levi and Penny’s neighbor hits on Levi one afternoon, after he rejects her she tells him she knows his relationship is falling apart-- she sees it, because so is hers. Turns out... she maybe have been right!! Penelope starts toying with the idea of breaking things off with Levi, to pursue Justin; the way she feels around him is just incomparable.

She’s ready to pull the trigger, and put an end to their ~4 years together when... Zach shows up. The father of her first child (who everyone thinks is Levi’s!), the man who spun a wild tale about a mysterious man he worked for, and some sort of danger which meant he had to disappear for a while. It took time, but eventually Penelope realized she’d been played. Zach, an avid reader nonetheless, made up a wild story all to avoid responsibility. 

Or did he.....?

Feeling the pressure and a surge of emotions from Zach’s return, Penelope finds comfort in the familiar, and reels herself back in from breaking things off with Levi. Together, they try to determine what to do about Zach being back in the picture, and wanting to meet his son. Penelope is adamant that she doesn’t want to give him a chance, but Levi, despite how much he wants to agree with her, can’t, after having experienced what it was like to not be able to see your own child. He urges her to hear Zach out, at the very least.

And when she does, it turns out... Zach’s story wasn’t as farfetched of a lie as she thought. He was on the hook for partaking in a money laundering scheme, through his business, Scratch Publishing. He’d fallen into the scheme thanks to a man he met and befriend in his NA group-- Michael Windsor. By the time he’d realized what was happening, he was in too deep to safely get out. That was why he’d pushed Penelope away in the first place, broken up with her over something trivial, and run when she’d told him about the baby. He couldn’t risk bringing her down with him. Thankfully, the statute of limitations on money laundering was five years, and with a solid four under his belt and no red flags or contact from Mr. Windsor, he figured it’d be safe to come back.

In awe of his words, Penelope’s harsh demeanor starts to slowly dismantle. The thing she’d always held against Zach was his abandonment, his betrayal, and how much he’d broken her heart when she was certain they were truly, deeply in love. How did she feel about him now that it turned out all of that was to protect her?

Slowly, but surely, Penelope allows Zach back into her, and Dorian’s life. Zach and his son bond almost instantly, which is both heartwarming and troubling. Dorian had been raised thinking Levi was his dad... what were they to say now? For Levi especially, it was hard seeing a child he’s come to see as his own, be taken away... rightfully so, by his biological father... but nonetheless, it wasn’t easy. Especially not for a second time. Within himself, now Levi has to grapple with the dilemma of how to tell his entire family he’d lied to them for four years...

Eventually, he tells them all, and once the chaos and confusion of it all blows over, things start to settle into a nice (albeit, strange) routine with Levi, Penelope, Zach and Dorian. As Zach grows closer with his son, he grows closer with Penelope too-- the old inside jokes, the literary references, the intimate teasing they’d once had together, all slowly starts to come back. Meanwhile, Justin is still spending late nights working with Penelope, and talking to her far too much to be considered strictly professional. Oh, and she’s still with Levi, and raising four children with him....

Levi, focusing on his family and his career, is presented with the opportunity of a lifetime. An international trip, to photograph at some of the top fashion events in Paris. He knows it’d be a game changer for his career, but declines the offer, in favor of staying home, where he can keep an eye on his kids, and more importantly, his relationship, which seems to be falling apart at the seems, and slipping through his fingers like water. (Somewhere in there, Luna gets into child modeling lol.)

After months of battling her emotions, dealing with the revisiting of old feelings of abandonment with Zach (both romantic and parental... him leaving Dorian mirrors her own father leaving her much to much for comfort) and trying to make the best decision not only for herself, but for her family(s?), Penelope decides to end things with Levi. She realizes that if she is feeling so conflicted (and over three men, at that!), that Levi deserves better. She jumped head first into motherhood at such a young age, and lost herself in the tumult of it all. She needed time to be alone-- no Levi, no Justin, no Zach-- to be herself for once, and find out who that woman was. 

....to be continued...

Violet & Jordan

Vi and Jordan couldn’t have a more perfect life. A beautiful daughter, a brand new home, a fancy lifestyle, and a brand new baby boy on the way to complete it all. There had never been a couple more in love in the history of time than Violet and Jordan-- that’s what they like to think anyways.

Their biggest crises is Jordan’s desire to start his own business. After near a decade of working in restaurants, and five years managing one, and a lifetime interest as a hobbyist chef, Jordan realizes that his biggest dream is to open his own catering company. There’s only one problem-- it’s expensive. And truth be told, with an obstetrician for a wife, Jordan isn’t exactly the primary breadwinner in his family.

With a mountain of medical school debt still to be paid, two brand new cars, a brand new house, and two children that need college funds, Violet is gun shy over Jordan’s new proposal. Jordan takes this to mean that his wife doesn’t believe in him, which ensues a few nights of arguments, cold shoulders, and sleeping on the couch (J, not Vi, of course).

But suddenly, that all becomes trivial when Jordan gets a phone call..... his father has died. This news rocks his world. His father had never been much of a father to him, and in fact, had been his abuser growing up. As soon as he was old enough, he’d cut ties with both his parents and got the hell out of dodge. He is filled with a strange feeling-- not quite sadness, but not relief, but a weird mixture of the two. His grieving mother begs him to come home for the funeral. For the moment, Vi and J set their disagreements aside, and say goodbye as Jordan leaves his very pregnant wife to catch a flight to Willow Creek.

To put it simply, this is an intense experience for Jordan. Being back in a place he associates with his terrible childhood, in a place he hated and couldn’t wait to run from...He hardly knows how to process it all. He is happy to see his mother, and grateful now she can be free from her husband’s abuse, too. Except... she’s not happy he’s gone. She doesn’t see herself as freed-- she would’ve defended her husband until the grave, no matter how many bruises he left, and she did exactly that. Jordan decides to stay for the week, and help his mother get everything in order, despite it all.

As he spends time in Willow Creek, he is reminded of the crew he used to run with as a teen and young adult-- people he hardly recognizes now. Except maybe... Cami. Cami had been his ex girlfriend, on again off again sort of situation. They’d dated throughout high school, and after he’d broken up with Violet to give her a better shot at life (thinking, wrongfully, he’d hold her back), Cami was the woman he turned to in his time of heartbreak. Feeling stranded and alone in Willow Creek, with his mom blaming him for his father’s death, and generally feeling like he’s at a crossroads in his life, Jordan ends up humoring Cami’s insistence on hanging around.

Cami knew what it was like. She got it. In ways Violet never could. She'd been hurt by her parents too. She’d grown up in a rough part of town, got involved with the wrong people and the wrong things, just like he did. In a way, they were kindred spirits-- it why they always found their way back to each other, despite how toxic it always ended up being. And if there is one word to describe Cami, it is determined. She is determined to get her way.

She calls him JJ-- his old nickname, that he now despises and associates with his tumultuous youth. She tries to remind him of who he was, and still is, deep down. Who they were together. She tries to tell him that this new life he’s got? It’s not him. It’s that boujee bitch wife of yours, JJ. I bet she don’t even understand you-- bet she doesn’t even get how you can miss someone even when they’ve hurt so bad... bet she said ‘good riddance’ when you told her the news. She doesn’t get you JJ, not like how I do... how I always did.

She comes on to him, pushing herself against him. Jordan gets angry, tries to push her off of him. She goads him on. What’re you gonna do, baby? Hit me again? Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess, JJ. That was one time Camille. One time. I am nothing like him. No baby, you’re not... mmm.. not at all. Shhh, it’s okay, don’t cry. I’m here. I’m here. I’m never leavin’ you JJ, not ever again. 

In a moment of incredible vulnerability and weakness, Jordan relents to her seductions. But... only momentarily. It doesn’t take long for him to realize what is happening-- he pushes her off of him and storms away, as she cries out his name. Disgusted with himself, he immediately goes to call his wife. He breaks down, sobs shaking his body, as he tells Violet everything. Except the other end of the line stays silent... Don’t bother coming home, Jordan. There’s nothing for you here anymore. Stay the fuck away from me.

Cheating was the one thing Violet would never, ever stomach. She hangs up the phone, stoic and stiff as a rock, and then collapses into tears, crying on her beautiful, marble kitchen floors. She she looks around her home, she sees Jordan everywhere. She sees the life they’ve built together over the years. And she knows she can’t stay there for the night. Violet packs a bag for herself and her daughter, drops Willow off with her mom, and heads to Wes and Nate’s place to get away for the night.

...to be continued...

Wes & Nate

Wes and Nate, after four years of marriage, are ready to grow their family. With both of them working good jobs, and a townhouse in a nice enough part of the city (that Nate’s parents may or may not have helped out with...), they figured it was time. Of course, the pleading mothers on both sides of the family didn’t help matters!

Turns out, however, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to adopt a child, especially as a gay couple. Agency after agency has turned them down-- either because they don’t work with gay parents, or because they say they’re just ‘not the right fit’ (code for: you’re gay but we’re scared to say that’s our reasoning). The few agencies that have been willing to work with them are still struggling to pair them with a birth mother. Possibly because despite both of them having good jobs, neither has a college education. Or possibly because on more than one occasion, Wes had dropped an f-bomb during the interview process. Or possibly.... Weston’s questionable family history, and his father being a convict-- which came up on several occasions. 

Feeling depressed and defeated, Weston’s connects with Nate’s sister, Thalia, who is also struggling to conceive with her husband Gianni. Neither of them thought they’d ever really want kids one day, and here they are, both in their feelings about not having them. They have their heart to heart, as it feels like the only person who truly gets it is each other. The feeling of letting their partner down, over one of the biggest things.

Despite Wes and Nate’s growing frustrations, they try and stay patient. And finally, it seems to be paying off! A birth mother has agreed to match with them! Finally, it seems they have conquered the beast.

Until..... she changes her mind, and rescinds the offer, after finding out about Weston’s absent dad. Failure, again. They both know there is nothing they can do to change the sort of childhood Wes had, and that it has no bearing on the types of dads they will be-- it’s just a matter of time until they match with someone who won’t hold that against them. But it inspires Nate to bed the question to his husband... should he try and reconnect with his dad again?

It had been years of avoidance since the last time Steven showed up in Weston’s life. He’d avoided him then, and ever sense. But now, with the topic coming up over and over again, he does feel compelled to reach out. It doesn’t take long to get his number from his mom; he finds out he lives just a few hours away, and they schedule to meet somewhere in the middle.

And for the first time ever, Wes willingly confronts his father. His whole life, he’d built him up to be some kind of monster, and he can’t tell if he’s disappointed or just plain sad to see the man his father has actually become-- a tired, old, cracked out looking man with shaky hands. 

As they talk, Steven apologizes for never being a dad to him, but also admits that he never wanted to be a dad-- not then and not now. The times he reached out years ago, he was just hoping to get to know his kid, as a fellow adult, not like some mentor or fatherly figure. That was a role Steven never did well in. Steven tells Wes how despite his actions, he really did care for him, and his mom, Daria, and he’d cleaned up his act ever since he got out of prison. He confesses that he might not be the best grandfather in the world, but says he is willing to try, if Wes is willing to bring his child around him, one day (despite the fact that Steven gets visibly uncomfortable referencing the fact that Wes is, indeed gay and married to a man). With mutual understanding and no more hard feelings, the men shake hands and part their separate ways.

And as if by some kind of strange magic... Wes and Nate get paired with a birth mom just a few weeks later. Although this time, they know better than to hold their breath, there is something different about this woman and this situation that feels... right.

...to be continued...

Wrap It All Up

Jordan has returned home, Violet is still refusing to forgive him, and only seeing him when they exchange their daughter. Inside, both of them are absolutely crushed, but neither of them knows how to begin to fix the wreckage. Jordan has been coping with all the old dirt his father’s death and trip back home stirred up in himself, and throws himself into developing his business idea. He’s added onto it-- not only will it be a catering company, but he will specifically try and work with at-risk youth. Kids from bad homes, and bad situations. Even with no financial backing, he decides to take the risk and go for it.

Penelope, discovering herself as a single woman and trying to cope with the tremendous emotions she’s been having, is finally starting to find her footing. She’s finally figured out a good childcare schedule with Levi, she’s thriving at work, and she’s starting to see herself-- and what she wants-- clearer. She ends things with Justin (or what little had ever been there) once and for all, and finds herself spending more and more time with Zach, out of desire and not just necessity. With all of her reasons to hate him melted away, the feelings of love she thought were gone start to come back. And-- surprise, surprise-- they’re returned.

Violet has been staying with Wes and Nate, and celebrating with them over the news of matching with another birth mom. She’s been helping them coordinate with her, send her the right sort of items, and prepare their future nursery. One night, her and Wes are up late, talking, as they usually do. And finally Wes tries to approach to touchy subject of her marriage. 

Wes looks at Vi, and point blank, asks her if she wants to divorce Jordan. Instantly, she says no. That tells Wes everything. He urges her to forgive Jordan-- he made a terrible, awful mistake, but he immediately tried to do the right thing. He stopped it before it went further, and his first thought was to lay it all on the line to Violet, not hide it. Wes gently reminds her of the time when she cheated on jordan... with himself. It had just been a kiss, but that was besides the point. When the little secret had finally come out, Jordan had laughed, and been more so annoyed that she was never honest, and less about the actual kiss. Violet insists that was soo different, which Weston concedes to. But still, he urges her to find it in her heart to forgive Jordan. He’s a good man, a great father, and they are truly in love-- they shouldn’t throw it away over one lapse in perfection.

Violet considers Wes’ advice... and heeds it. She goes home one day, when she knows Jordan will be off work, and finds him in the once-pristine kitchen, surrounded with food and bowls and tupperware and tomato sauce strewn just about everywhere. It catches her off guard. She laughs. And then she cries. Then she goes to her husband, wraps her arms around him, and tearfully whispers, What the hell are you doing to my kitchen, Jordan?

Jordan tells Violet about how even if he doesn’t know the financial details yet, he’s going to make his catering business happen; he tells her about the change in plans, spurred by his own troubled teenhood. As she listens to him talk about his life, his dreams, and his passion, she cries harder; she realizes that maybe she never did know this part of her husband. Maybe he never shared it, but maybe she never asked. Again, he apologizes for what happened in Willow Creek. She apologizes for her reaction, and for never taking the time to get to know the rough corners of her husband. As they kiss and makeup, Violet decides that they will tackle this catering business-- together.

Levi, more than anything, feels tired. He feels beaten down. The stress of raising four children. His relationship with Penelope falling apart despite how hard he tried to make it work. Watching Violet and Jordan’s strong marriage falter and almost crack, and Wes and Nate struggle to grow their family... It’s all too much for him-- a man notoriously always looking for love (in all the wrong places..). But, it’s even harder watching all those people around him re-find their love, and peace and happiness... while his still lies dormant. As summer draws near in the wake of the hardest year of his life to date, he decides to finally do something just for him... he calls up his boss, and last minute, takes up the offer to travel to Paris for the international project.

Violet goes into labor, and gives birth to her and Jordan’s second child, and first son. They also officially file for the name of his new catering business.

Nate and Wes fly across the country to be present for the birth of their son, grateful that things didn’t fall through this time.

Penelope and Zach finally make things official.

And in Paris, Levi scouts the streets, following the directions scrawled out on a sheet of torn paper, until he finds it. 

He knocks on the door. And Marie opens it.

////////////////////////////

tldr;

Penny has a lil love triangle with Levi/Justin/Zach. She breaks up with Levi to be single, but ends up with Zach.

Jordan cheats on Vi in a moment of weakness with his toxic ex after the death of his abusive father, but they eventually make up, and he starts a catering business and vows to hire at-risk youth.

Wes and Nate struggle to find a birth mom to adopt from, but finally, it all works out and they have a son.

Levi gets fkin WRECKED emotionally (karma fro, everything perhaps??? lool) , and ends up in Paris, knockin’ on Marie’s door. ;)

There was supposed to be a season 2, as well, which details what happens the next year, after all of this.. :) Primarily focusing on Levi + Marie, and what happens with them, and also Luna’s story! May or may not make a post for that one. Season 2 wasn’t as fleshed out. 

Most important detail I guess is that Levi and Marie end up together lol. 

~*~spoiler~*~

[drifting-mindspace]

Things we deserved to get from the Naruto manga and anime that we never got -

• JONIN NARUTO -

We followed him around as the lovable Genin knucklehead. Now it goes without saying that him being a Jonin is just a rank and honestly doesnt mean much. Rescuing Gaara, going after Kakuzo, Mount Miyaboku were all A & S-rank missions.

But I would liked to have seen him doing missions post war in a slightly more mature yet typically knuckleheaded manner instead of the passing phrase he made tonShikamaru about being too busy doing missions for the next 6 months.

We grew up with Naruto and now that he's older and stronger we dont get to see him in action.

• A Happily Married Kakashi & Shizune- 

Hatake Kakashi has led a deeply traumatic life. His mother died when he was very young, his father committed suicide when he was 6 causing him to distance himself from everyone around him. The first person he opened up to and formed a bond with died moments later protecting him, the girl he deeply cared for and probably harbored feelings for which he was too afraid to confront died at his hands as he desperately tried to protect her, a year later his sensei died protecting the village. When he became a sensei to Team 7 he felt he was on a path to finding inner peace by ensuring these children avoid his traumas but his prized pupil went rogue shattering that hope. After all this I’d hoped he would’ve finally found a happy ending.

Why Shizune? Well I considered him and Kurenai getting together and him helping raise Mirai but Shizune has always felt like the only Kunoichi in Konoha who has her shit together. She is perfectly at peace with where she is in life. She is incredibly mature and level headed as she helps run the village with Tsunade. Someone who is at peace with herself and her aspirations is the perfect anchor for a man with a whirpool of trauma brewing in him.

Alas it seems like the showrunners have no intention of a romantic arc for Kakashi and the Hatake name will die with Kakashi.

• The Uzumaki Clan

Within a span of 3 months Naruto meets 3 Uzumaki clan members. Nagato, Karin and his own mother. While speaking with Kushina he finds out about the dark fate of the Uzumaki clan. How they were blessed with unimaginably high chakra reserves and were gifted in Sealing Jutsus, longevity and how it led to them being targeted by those who feared them leading to their village being wiped out and scattered across the shinobi world.

Instead of turning the Naruto saga into the Uchiha Chronicles Id have preferred a deep dive into the Uzumaki clan. Maybe even have a Sasuke-like venegeful figure who wants Konoha to suffer because they failed to provide aid to the village they called their strong allies in their greatest hour of need.

Like Sasuke this villain would’ve witnessed his fellow clansmen cut down, unlike Sasuke however he wouldn’t have had the likes of Naruto, Itachi or Kakashi to anchor him in the light leaving room for redemption.

This could have been the one villain that was so far gone in his pain and hatred that no amount of 'talk no jutsu' could have changed his mind and would've pushed Naruto to the very brink until he finally had to choose between killing his clansman or protecting his village.

Naruto would make the ultimate sacrifice for Konoha and this would all the more set his resolve to pulling Sasuke back from the darkness or dying with him.

An Uzumaki villain gifted in Fuijutsu and the use of the Uzumaki Kekkei Genkai, the Adamantine Chains along with massive chakra reserves would be the perfect power scaled villain for Post Pain Arc Naruto.

Instead we got Uchiha chronicles where everyone did whatever the fuck they thought of doing and chakra limits were all but history. This one really disappointed me. Which brings me to my next disappointment.

• Naruto Killing a Villain

Now I know it seems like an odd hang up. Naruto? Kill? But he is so fixated on redemption. That is exactly why I wanted this to happen. The series has gone out of its way to make sure Naruto hasn’t killed a character. The worst of it was against Kakuzu. The kind of attack unleashed upon Kakuzu SHOULD by all means have killed him. Yet somehow he was left in a ‘dying state’ and Kakashi was the one who did the deed. 

Naruto being forced to kill a villain as a last resort and making a choice between saving someone dear to him or tainting his hands with blood was the ultimate moral conundrum for a shinobi whose biggest goal was rescuing his best friend from the dark. It would take him back to Itachi’s words where he asked Naruto what he would if Sasuke decided to destroy the village.

Instead we saw Rasen Shuriken and Rasengan getting scaled down to a point where they always injure and opponent but not kill him. For an S-rank jutsu, Rasen Shuriken happens to be quite lenient.

• Neji beoming the head of the Hyuuga Clan

This pisses me off the most. Neji was supposed to be to the Hyuuga was Naruto was to Konoha. I always expected Neji to overcome all the obstacles and get recognized by Hiashin who would then redeem himself and disband the branch system once and for all. Hiashin as a character was never redeemed. Here was a man who let his brother get executed to avoid punishment (albeit he was against it but it did happen), constantly abused his kind daughter and belittled her for being too soft and put her down to a point her personality was underdeveloped and she had deep seethed confidence issues.

Disbanding the branch system and making Neji the leader would redeem him in the eyes of the readers/ viewers and would clean up the Hyuuga clan.

Instead Neji was scrapped aside to give Naruto and Hinata a bonding moment. They had a bonding moment, it was when she almost died saving his life. Neji didn’t have to die for them to get together ffs. What a wasted potential.

• NaruSaku

Now I’m not a fanatic shipper. In fact when I read and watched the original series I absolutely HATED Sakura. My hatred for her reached it’s peak during the Zabuza arc when Naruto ran at the S-rank villain, got kicked away and got up to show he went in for his forehead protector. “What do you think you’re doing Naruto? Even Sasuke-kun wasn’t a match for him.” I just wanted Naruto to turn around and tell her to stfu in that moment. As the series approached the time skip I was well and truly content with NaruHina.

But Shippuden changed things. The hints towards Sakura’s changed feelings were sprinkled all over the series. One moment that stands out for me was the Clone Training arc where Sai tests her by abusing Naruto and she goes on a rage rant about how great he is. Let’s not forget that in her darkest hour, as she saw a ruined and destroyed village the only person she thought of and cried out to was Naruto. Not because she felt he could save the village (she was as shocked as Shikamaru as she found out he was facing pain alone) but because when things when bad for her the only person who she felt comfort around was indeed Naruto and that is indisputable.

She goes as far as ruining her friendship with Naruto, a bond she truly cherished as it was all she had left after Sasuke abandoned the village, and confessed her feelings to manipulate him. Yes manipulative, scheming and downright a bitch of a thing to do. But it was all she could think of to make Naruto stop chasing after Sasuke. She, more than anyone wanted to see Naruto become a Hokage and realize his dreams and dying while rescuing Sasuke was a risk she couldn’t take and she decided she’d have him hate her than die. Wrong yes. But oddly noble.

This combined with all the blatant attempts to establish her being like Kushina and Kushina saying she wants Naruto to find someone like her changed my mind from NaruHina. I still adore Hinata. She is a wonderful character. But organic plot progression is far more important to me than my ships being canon.

A Naruto-Sakura family would’ve been incredibly entertaining and the dynamics would be perfect. We’d see a Minato-Kushina couple on screen for the next series. Which brings me to my next disappointment.

•HinaShino

I don’t know if that’s the official name for the pairing but I always felt these 2 would make a great couple.They are both people of a few words and are both incredibly intuitive and understanding individuals. Shino would accept Hinata for who she was and vice versa. Being with someone who was happy with the person they were would go miles in helping them come out of their shells.

Altho this isn’t a massive disappointment for me. I’m happy that Hinata ended up with Naruto. But like I said organic plot progression matters to me and if Naruto ended up with Sakura I’d prefer Hinata to end up with Shino.

•Hiraishin No Jutsu

Sadly as the series progressed Naruto had become so OP that not letting him master his father’s improved version of Tobirama’s jutsu was a great decision. It would’ve just made him senselessly OP. 

However instead of giving him all those God Tier power ups which he just gains in single training sessions I’d have preferred him working hard to master the Hirashin. Instead of sending him off to an island and treating him like a fucking idiot and asking him to survey animals I’d have preferred if Tsunade gave him an impossible task.

“You can’t fight in the battle. But I will only allow it if you can master your father’s jutsu.”

It was a period of 6 months between Danzo’s death and the start of the shinobi war. Ample time to show him training hard to learn a jutsu that for once required him to study. Hiraishin deals not just in physical acts of speed but also mastering seals.  Seeing his friends go off to fight in the war as he was left behind would have only added to his frustration and motivated him more.

Showing Naruto training hard like they showed him training for Rasen Shuriken would’ve only made us cheer all the more harder when he’d make a badass entry on the battle field as Tobi came close to killing Kakashi and a three pronged Kunai swished between the two, an orange flash appeared and Naruto kicked Tobi away.

Sadly this was swapped for Pokemon evolutions where arc after arc Naruto levels up just like that. The show’s entire premise was based on hard work and guts.

Sasuke was the genius who gained his power through natural ability. Sure he trained hard but his strength came to him with ease. Naruto had to slog. He manged to make the Rasengan after nearly 15 episodes of training and even then he had to get stabbed to be able to use it. It wasn’t until another 10 episodes that he properly used it. His training for the Rasenshuriken took an entire season to yield results and even then he didn’t learn to throw it until he trained for another 3 seasons till the Pain arc.

Post pain all this is tossed aside. He sits at the waterfall twice and beats the darkness. He sits in the room once and tames Kurama. Later Kakashi and Guy are in trouble, he has an inner dialogue with Kurama and suddenly he mastered the two man team with no prior training. Rikkodu Sennin touches him once and suddenly he’s learnt how to grow eyes, stop death and fly just like that.

The series stopped being the Naruto series we grew up with post Danzo and it saddens me.

• Naruto Sensei - 

And finally my last and greatest disappointment of all. Not seeing Naruto as a sensei. We’ve seen glimpses of his nurturing side in his interactions with Konohamaru but I’d have loved to have seen 40-50 episodes of him leading his own squad of genins. A perfect combination of Kakashi and Guy as he’d wow them with his brilliance and equally embarrass them in day to day interactions with his goofy tomfoolery. His genins would be in awe of him. Naruto Sensei - the hero of the war. 

His students could have an arrogant son/daughter of a feudal lord who insisted he be trained by the war hero, Naruto and Kakashi had to cave in for diplomatic reasons. Naruto refuses to take anyone who doesn’t work hard to get where they are but after the bell test sees potential in the child. A child with no ninja background. His parents were farmers outside of Konoha who were very poor. His sole aim is to be a ninja so strong that he’s always assigned big missions that will help him ease his family’s financial burdens. A genin from the Inuzuka clan (or any other clan, maybe even Hanabi if the show wanted to push more Naruto-Hinata interactions) who thinks he’s better than the other 2 because of his family background but is taught humility by Naruto.

Sadly another development in Naruto’s life we were denied.

Well that’s my rant essay. I know a lot of people won’t agree with what I had to say but I wanted to get it off my best anyway. Why? 

Because I wanted to dattebayo!

[alrighty-vigilante]

Felix Faust and his one braincelled offspring – an epitome of DC's lost potential; a himbo,a dumbass and a fucking rat

It's not like any of you asked but it's the thing that wakes me up at night. DC created a lot of great characters: good, evil and morally grey.

And just like that... They abandoned them. Not like "stopped using them in their stories" – stopped caring.

Let me show you what made me so obsessed with DC's Faustfamily: the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good

Sebastian, the firstborn of Felix, Abraham to his Isaac, is constantly haunted by the sins of his father and bashed for them. Around him heroes are not heroes anymore, too distrustful to treat him with decency, always suspecting scheming.

The Bad

Since every magic user pays some price for their skills I feel like his price is not being able to experience love or not for long. In Outsiders (1993) it was stated, or so I believe, that he has a hard time experiencing feelings because of his lack of soul. Even if not: since Halo was reborn many times, she doesn't even remember Sebastian. June Moon was completely apathetic after Enchantress persona was ripped out of her. Zatanna is Zatanna, I think their relationship was only mentioned in Mystik U so it's thankfully not anywhere near canon. In totally awful Suicide Squad: Black Files it's told Sebastian's wife is dying (and pregnant) so he enchanted her until he finds a cure. Even motherly love he cannot experience – no matter the author's approach, his mother is not around him for long and he feels responsible for her death which may have be the reason why she tried to look after his sister for as long as it was possible. Sorry I need a moment...

I'd have to be naïve to even hope for anyone in DC being so competent to show Sebastian as aromantic/demiromantic without showing people on this spectrum as soulless.

Fauna lived to be "lesser than Sebastian". Suffered the same fate as her brother but was neglected by her father from the start, unlike Sebastian who was taught by him some time. I don't think she and her father nor she and her brother ever bonded in any way. For me Fauna is the embodiment of the anger only an abused abandoned teenager can feel. Raw blinding rage not directed at anything in particular but everything and everyone including herself because she is not sure what and who should she hate the most. And in the end, it is she who suffers the most. It drives her a path of evil. All her attempts at being better than everyone and most of all – better than her father, are in real just attempts to get his approval.

The only time she felt free was when she got with Syonide (yeah folks she's lesbian) but, well, it didn't last long.

One thing about her that especially wakes me up at night is how in Raven she mentions her ancestors but stops, saying she's better than them anyway. Well, there are no such characters in whole DC. No Majica the Magnificent or whoever. Let's pretend it's not just a hole in the universe because probably it is just that: it leads to conclusion that Fauna made it up herself to back up her narcissistic attitude and the right to do what she want and take what she want OR her father made that up, and that leads us to Felix Faust himself.

The Ugly

WHERE DO I EVEN START, if I start to lost what's wrong with him you'll be reading this to the end of your life.

The most prominent personality trait of his is that Dumb bitch hours are 24 hours. Second: he is full of opposites. Is he intelligent? As hell. Is he still a gullible idiot? Oh yeah. Is he doing bad things? Yes. Is he a villain? No, he had his time of being neutral/good. He is driven by the need for power. What would he do if he gets it? The most probable scenario: nothing. What would he need it for, then? I can bet all my money, which are around 5$ and a bagel, that what he really want is respect (and that ties neatly with making up his genealogy tree). Now, his background varies depending on the author, of course they couldn't develop consistency, but many things are common nonetheless. So, if we just generally look at him, we see a man who, before being possessed by 5000 years young ghost, was nothing more but street magician – guess how much respect he got. This old sorceress that eventually took over his body also was humiliated in a great defeat. In the 70s he was called the greatest foe of the Justice League. Nowadays, even some drunk warlock junkie rat (yeah, I mean Constantine lol) makes fun of him. What could he crave more than some basic "this is Felix Faust, the greatest sorcerer alive who hoards all the knowledge"?

I would say it doesn't matter whether he sacrificed his son to help his dying wife or to get more power (he later sacrificed his daughter just for the latter reason. He just never learns). Generally sacrificing your children is shitty thing to do so there's no justification for his actions. He doesn't know when to stop and even if he feels regret for things he has done, he just keeps going in an everlasting chase.

Damn, in a way he is quite relatable: despite the efforts, he fails every time. Despite the education in three majors, he is so gullible. Making him not talented enough to match his knowledge truly is tragic.

What DC never explored, and never will, is he was a single parent, who didn't know how to carry on without his wife, how to bring their children up. Too focused on his "career" he neglected his children. Having Sebastian to grow up to be a better person and better sorcerer than he ever will be visibly drives him up the wall. At the same time he struggles, trying to get close with his son a bit – these clumsy attempts to scold him are actually meant to be compliments. (No such scenes with him and Fauna because apparently writers forgot about her completely smh).

I don't enjoy New52 events but I think a lot about how Faust was trapped in the Tower of Fate with Neron, the ruler of hell and also his abuser. He kinda had it coming but it's traumatic nonetheless

Another thing that could be explored by DC more is that in a way, heroes are pretty much the guardians of the status quo. Not only Sebastian takes the blame for everything and is not trusted by them, but they also haven't done much to keep Felix on the good side, never thanked him for his service nor did they tried not to push him into villainy. But such behaviour also affect other characters so I won't be focusing on this.

To sum it up nicely: just because this is about fictional magicians doesn't mean their story is unrelatable. People out there are emotionally absent in their family's life sometimes because of tragedy they went through or because they were not ready, or because something else. People may hate their abusers, love their abusers, be children of abusers. Parents put their children through harmful situations. Family are not always bonded and happy. Family members may long for contact but don't know how to get it. Etc etc, you probably got it.

Not only these characters suffers from lost potential but many, many more. Instead of seeing same characters like Batman or Wonder Woman over and over again, I'd prefer creators to go back and develop what they already have.

[museswithinx]

“Well let me tell you something, people don’t change overnight.” { Kara for Kinsey bc bonding? }

Cruel Intentions (1999) | Sentence Prompts

Since the last bender she’d gone on, her dad had been keeping a more careful eye on the situation. The partying was at a minimum now. Kinsey hated it, she didn’t want to deal with any of it, but everyone kept telling her that she’d have to at some point. She just didn’t know how she was supposed to do that.

Coming home early tonight, Kinsey found Kara was staying over once again. She’d been spending most of her nights here, she thought Dad ought to start charging her rent. She was content to ignore her and slip upstairs but the other woman must have caught something in her face that had her inviting her to come sit down. She didn’t really want to, but she did. It was strange not being the only girl in dad’s life anymore but she promised him she’d give her a chance. So, she would try to humor him and bond with her.

It wasn’t too painful. The two women ended up watching about three hours of movies before the last one, hitting way too close to home right now, had her nearly in tears. “It’s nothing. Just a stupid ass movie,” she insists when Kara asks. Unfortunately though, this one paid attention and didn’t seem to buy it. She was also pretty sure her dad had shared with her that she’d been struggling lately. 

“It is nothing,” she tries to insist again, “I’m just. There’s a guy I was seeing, and it ended pretty much the same as the movie we just watched, okay? It’s not a big deal.” Except it clearly was. The look she gave said it was as well as the offer to talk that followed. Normally this was where Kinsey got snappy. She didn’t like to talk, especially not about Monty, but there was something she just... trusted. She couldn’t put her finger on it, she didn’t know Kara well, but maybe that’s what made it easier. Or maybe it was something else.

“This guy I was seeing...” she starts, “it wasn’t really an exclusive thing, but it was very long term for me and it wasn’t just sex. We talked a lot too. I liked talking to him, I never got tired of it. He even met my dad and had dinner with us, which has never happened with anyone else. I’m pretty sure I was and still am in love with him.”

It was the first time she’d really said it aloud, which surprised even her, but she kept going.  “Then I found out he was seeing my mom. Like, the whole entire time we were together. It was just some scheme the heartless bitch cooked up to get back at me and dad. I wanted to die when I found out. I’m still devastated and I can’t seem to find peace, even though my mom’s gone now. Because I still love him and I miss him so much it hurts. He’s apologized more times than I can count and he acts like he still cares about me but I don’t know. I’m struggling so much to forgive. My mother never changed, what if he can’t change either? What if he just does the same shit again?”

“Well let me tell you something, people don’t change overnight.”

Kinsey took a moment to think that over. Her mother had been the boogeyman in her closet for as long as she could remember and she never changed for the better. She died the same as she had lived her entire life. But her mother also didn’t want to change. She’d been set in her ways like that. What if Monty did though? Maybe Kara had a point. 

“Are you saying I should try to give him a chance to do that? Do you think he can?” She asks as she mulls it over in her head some more. It was so hard to forgive him when he’d betrayed her like that but maybe if she tried... Maybe. “Thanks.” She mutters after an extended silence had fallen between them. “For the talk. And the advice. That was cool of you.”

[stusbunker]

Weddings and Other Holy Deals

For Better or Worst: Chapter One

Featuring: Sam Winchester x Emery Simmons-Winchester (OFC)

Setting: Mid Season 14 AU

Word Count: 1675

Summary: Sam finds an unlikely solution to the Michael problem in Dean’s head. His soon-to-be wife has her own side of the deal with the powers that be.

^*^*^

Jan. 20, 2019

Somewhere beyond the neatly trimmed lawns and the perfectly timed sprinkler systems, over a wide porch with a loveseat swing and past a storm door with etched glass, slept a Winchester. It was not a normal place for this Winchester, Sam for clarity’s sake, to be upon waking. But this wasn’t a usual day, for the hunter or anyone honestly. Though he had lived another day like this one, the excitement and anticipation he felt as he rolled over and saw his clock face shining back at him was unmatched. Today, Sam Winchester was getting married, and if he knew anything it was the best decision he had ever made. That things would only get better after today. Rare is certainty in life, which was why Sam held fast to his and began the life-changing day.

Across town, Bandit woke his bride. Bandit is her dog, soon to be their dog, a Setter mix that loved to herd. Emery Simmons had always been an animal person, but Bandit was a surprise blessing from her former life.  She hadn’t asked to bring him along, though as there wasn’t much she had left, she supposed it was a perk to balance her expectations. She roamed through the short-term rental, contemplating the dress that had been left for her as she made herself a cup of tea. Bandit demanded a walk and a bout of catch in the park, which Emery accommodated, unhurried by the little preparations for the small ceremony. They weren’t going to start without her, after all.

Sam had exercised, showered and shaved by ten o’clock. He had another three hours before the service was scheduled, idle hands met a replaced contact list in his phone. He didn’t know any of these people yet, well he knew one. With little else to bide his time, Sam hit the old rotary phone icon below the smirking face.

“Whoa, when did they futz with our phones?” Emery asked, spinning around with Bandit’s leash before tucking her phone beneath her ear.

“Dunno, it’s weird right?” Sam stared at the tux bag hanging in the bedroom. Their bedroom.

“Creeptastic, actually. What’s up?” She sounded worried, maybe she was distracted. Sam was overthinking her tone and almost forgot to answer her.

“I didn’t have anyone else to call?” Sam offered, sitting at the end of the bed, huffing at himself with a sad smile. “Forget it, I’ll let you get back to your, stuff.”

“Hey, I’m just out for a walk, you’re not bothering me. Sam?” His name came out heavy, like she was reminding herself who she was marrying. He didn’t blame her. There was a scuffle on her end of the line before she groaned. “No, Bandit, no!”

Sam’s forehead shot to its full height. “Is that— are you walking a dog?”

“Uh, yesssssss? Is that going to be a problem?” Her sudden defensiveness made him grin, the image of her struggling with a leash warmed Sam from head to toe.

“Not at all, the opposite really. I love dogs.” He understood why she was anxious; they barely knew each other, it was a bit soon for a potential first fight.

“Well, good, shit, had me panicking there for a minute.” The conversation lulled as she reached the porch, each stumbling over small talk before she looked at the clock on the microwave. Sam was starting to pace, but the relief that there would be someone else in the house with them made it seem less scary somehow. They said their goodbyes and Sam decided he better eat before the nerves resurfaced. He quickly fried some bacon, out of habit, and tossed together a smoothie. Everything he could possibly want stocked in the fridge and cupboards; they had done their due diligence, apparently.

Two and a half hours later, Emery was hiking up the church steps, dress bent over her elbow and simple veil trailing behind her loose curls on a winter breeze. She had never had a lot of friends, but today was a day when a female entourage would have come in handy. She thought about her mother and how she would have worried over her hair until it needed to be reset. She sent up a silent prayer to her, telling her that she was finally making an honest woman of herself. Adding a few choice words that would have had them both pursing and posturing before breaking down into fits of giggles. God, did she miss her. She smiled quietly, opening her eyes and the heavy glass door.

The church was cavernous and quiet and after countless trips inside hallowed walls, Sam was able to appreciate the architecture and the scale of the ancient organ pipes. The minister seemed confused, but accommodating, given the last-minute organization. Sam stood at the end of the aisle, hands in his pockets, the ring box lightly brushing against his thigh. A blast of sound curled throughout the space, nimble fingers flying over aged keys as the timeless march stopped Sam’s heart. This was it, a pact fulfilled. He inhaled, swallowed, and turned to face his future.

Emery hated heels, but given the size of her husband, she may have to learn to live with them. The dress was forgiving at least, the gentle satin flowing as she glided down. Tried to glide. There was no one to give her away, no one at her elbow to keep time with, no onlookers to slow down for, no photographer to capture their faces as they saw each other for the first time. This moment was theirs alone, shy and appreciatively sacred. He smiled at her without teeth, dimples mesmerizing as she lost her rhythm, strolling to him out of the step-halt-step that was expected of her. None of that mattered anyway.

She shook her head and smiled back, licking her lips as she remembered the minister was waiting for her. Carefully she stood in front of Sam, toes of her white slippers lining up with his reflective black shoes. A small bouquet of orchids clutched in her right hand, her left petting her skirts as she tried to rub off the sweat.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here-,” the ceremony began. They echoed the scripted vows, eyes locked on each other in hopeful promise. Cautiously optimistic was too naïve for these two, humble veneration too romantic. They stood as strangers, forging a partnership to save those dearest to them. It was a contract that required both of their souls, willfully shared and bonded before Heaven and Earth. Samuel Winchester took this woman, Emery Simmons as his lawfully wedded wife. And she him. For better or worse.

Two days prior

Two days and a series of choices prior, stood the other Winchester in an underground fortress, three hundred fifty miles due East. Dean was in his bedroom, staring at Death, or Billie, if we’re being technical. Which we should, being the time jumps and all. Billie handed him the last remaining outcome of his life on Earth. The book, once one of countless possibilities, remained his sole option from world ending calamity. That was until Sam burst in, with a very stern angel on his heels.

               “Dean! Listen, so—Naomi thinks she can help us. Help you, with Michael.” Dean looked from Death to his brother to the psychotic bureaucrat, the exhaustion heavy in his eyes and on his heart. Puppy dog’s hopeful eyes barraging him with an innocence he hadn’t had to let down gently in ages. Dean felt, unabashedly, like the oldest soul in the room. The women regarded each other, silent conversation earning only an audible hum from the former Reaper.

               “Interesting. Dean? I think you need to hear them out. I’ll be in touch.” Billie nodded to Naomi and vanished before Sam could get a word in. No one mentioned how these beings, especially the angel, entered the Bunker. A place lauded as being the securest on the planet, had conveniently become a haven for all sorts of unmentionables.

               “Okay, let’s hear it,” Dean sighed, perching on his bed as he listened to the latest hair-brained scheme. That night, after hours of arguing, endless curt responses from Naomi and rebuttals from Castiel, Dean agreed to leave with her. Before Naomi whisked him away, she shared a pregnant glance with Sam.

               “We’ll be in touch,” the platinum blonde angel replied curtly. The air was suffocating with tension, Dean tried to get Sam’s attention and Cas glared at his former puppet master.

“Wait, what am I supposed to leave like there isn’t something else going on here?!” Dean bellowed at Naomi, who looked like the cat that got the cream, rolled her eyes.

               “Boys, one thing at a time, please?” She gestured to a corner of the library, where a glowing pattern had appeared on the old tiles.

               “How’d you—” Cas stared in awe as a portal to Heaven opened before their eyes.

               “This is a one-way, temporary portal, Castiel. Don’t try to stowaway or the deal, all of the deals are off. Do I make myself clear?” Naomi glared at each man like a field trip chaperone. The men nodded, but Dean’s jaw worked over all of his unanswered questions. The pounding in his head intensified the moment Naomi arrived, which almost, was a relief. It meant Mikey knew something was happening and his suspicion was enough to swing Dean’s vote.

               “Alright boys,” Dean sniffed. “See you on the other side?” He shook Cas’s hand before pulling him into a brief hug. Sam stood waiting, an arm up and one underneath, they embraced as equals. Another risk, another potential goodbye.

               “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, bitch.” Dean chided, giving Sam a knowing smirk.

               “Too short a list, jerk,” Sam tossed back, as Dean took Naomi’s hand like the kid forced to partner with the teacher in dance class. The portal swayed and flickered, the angel and the hunter pulled skyward, though Heaven was much farther away than the instant transport suggested.

               “Sam?”

               “Not now, Cas.” Sam stormed off, thumbing through his phone, needing to make some calls.

^*^*^

Read On: A New Normal

[everymovie2020]

Single White Female (1992)

Date watched:  12 October 2019

Continuing on with my Saturday afternoon 90s thriller-fest, another movie I haven't seen in a really, really long time.  Single White Female is really something.

First of all, can we talk about the apartment she lives in?  This massive apartment with hardly any furniture, in downtown Manhattan, in a heritage building, with no air-conditioning or fans or… much of anything, and it's falling apart, and she just lives there alone?  HOW?

I mean, it's 1992 so like, obviously the rent is cheaper, but fucking hell.  She is right in the middle of downtown Manhattan and it's a massive apartment. How the hell does she afford it?

And I mean, even when Jennifer Jason Leigh moves in – she's only working in retail, so… HOW DO THEY AFFORD IT?

Oh wait – it's rent controlled.  I just remembered.  I'm not sure what that means but I know from Friends and Sex and the City that it's a good thing to have in New York.  Okay, so fine, the apartment is explained.  I'll allow it.

Plot:

Bridget Fonda lives in a sprawling Manhattan apartment – SPRAWLING.  She's dating Steven Weber, and they're going to get married, but then she finds out that he fucked his ex-girlfriend.  So she drops him, but she's sad about it because she really loved him.

She puts in an ad for a roommate, interviews a bunch of options and finally settles on Jennifer Jason Leigh (who I'm now going to refer to as JJL because three names is a killer).  JJL moves in, they bond, they become friends, they get a puppy – even though Bridget did not want the puppy and JJL manipulated her into keeping it – and then Steven Weber comes back into the picture in a big, big way.

The problem is that JJL is either in love with Bridget or simply obsessed with her.  At first I thought it was straight up lesbian love, but it's more than that. You see, JJL had a twin sister who died when they were young, and she's trying to replace her with Bridget.  But then there's kissing.  So I don't know.

Look, I love my friends, but I don't kiss them, is all I'm saying.

So when Steven Weber comes back, and the relationship starts up again, suddenly JJL needs to move out.  So she kills the dog (oh, I'm sorry, it "accidentally dies"), she tries to sow the seeds of doubt into Bridget's mind about her relationship, she is just basically very unsettling and manipulative, and then one day she cuts and dyes her hair the exact same style as Bridget.

It is bananas.

And she thinks Bridget will be cool with it.

It is bananas.  The logic is bananas.

So Bridget is finally starting to cotton onto what we, the viewer, have known this entire time – bitch be crazy.  But Bridget is too fucking nice, right? Which I think is a fatal flaw a lot of women have, because… here you have this person, who you are friends with, who you've been living with, who you are bonded with, and now all of a sudden the red flags are showing but you're trying to extract yourself as gracefully as possible without resorting to acting like a total bitch, and it keeps blowing up in her face.

In order to make Steven Weber out to be a cheater and to prove to Bridget that… men can't be trusted, I guess, JJL dresses up as Bridget, goes over to Steven's hotel room and gives him a surprise blow job, and when he wakes up mid-blowie and realises it's not Bridget, he tries to get her to stop but she's on a mission and he comes anyway.  Then he's wracked with guilt, and she's like, "You liked it," and I'm like, "You just raped him," and she's like, "You're a cheater, once a cheater always a cheater," and he's like, "Fuck you," and I'm like, "You just raped him."

Then Steven Weber is like, no fuck you, I'll tell Bridget what a psycho you are, and then she stabs him in the head with a stiletto heel.

It bums me out that he died.  He really didn't deserve to die.  Yeah, he cheated on Bridget, but she'd forgiven him and they were moving on.  It was supremely shitty of JJL to stab him in the head with a high heel.  It's just rude.

So JJL goes home, tells Bridget she's moving out (spoiler alert – she has other plans) and sets about cleaning the apartment. Then while JJL is out, a very specific news bulletin tells Bridget that a man was killed in the same hotel as Steven Weber, and even reveals the room number, so when she rings the hotel she pretty much confirms that he was the one killed.

That is when JJL's evil scheme is revealed – she's planning to frame Bridget for murder and then kill her and disappear into the wind, making it look like a murder suicide.  And the reason she was frantically cleaning the apartment was to get rid of her fingerprints, though I find it laughable that she thinks that just by cleaning her room she would get rid of all of her fingerprints throughout the entire apartment after living there for a few months.  Nice try, JJL.

Anyway, they fight, and then they go up to the gay friend's apartment (JJL knocked him unconscious what seems like a few days ago and he has just been chilling in a bathtub since then?  You're led to believe he's dead but like, he's been unconscious in a bathtub for days.  No food or water.  He would not be a well man.  Also, when they show him in the bathtub, they show his very loyal ginger cat sitting on top of him and purring loudly, so it is my belief that the ginger cat was taking good care of him), where JJL ties Bridget up to a chair.  So now the plan is that Bridget has convinced her not to kill her, and they are going to run away together with new identities and brown hair, but of course Bridget's actual plan is to escape, and they fight, and then JJL is getting the upper hand when the guy everyone thought was dead (except the kitty, the very loyal ginger kitty) bursts out of the bathroom and saves the day.

But then he gets knocked out again, and JJL ties up Bridget and then goes down to the basement to get a human woman-sized suitcase to put her body in (at this point I'm like why the fuck don't you just take her back down to her apartment and kill her there like you were going to, but wtf do I know), when Stephen Tobolowsky turns up to "save the day".

Now I haven't talked about him before because I honestly forgot about him until this very moment, but here's the deal – he owns a fashion business and Bridget has provided him with fashion software. He then tried to come onto her and demand that she sleep with him (very #metoo), and she told him to fuck off. So he has been withholding her last payment, but she's a smarty who put data erasing software into her computer program if they failed to pay her.

The whole reason he goes around to "save the day" is because he was going to scream at her to stop her data erasing program even though he didn't pay her for the work done and he also sexually harassed her, and he acts like saving her is a real chore for him, and then he gets killed.  So like… sucks to be Stephen Tobolowsky?

I may have gotten this somewhat out of order, but two people intervene trying to help Bridget and both of them get taken out. She finally almost gets the upper hand and almost escapes in the elevator, but JJL forces her way in and they fight all the way down to the basement.  It's there that JJL strangles Bridget and thinks she's killed her, but in a perfect 90s horror movie twist ending, when JJL goes back to Bridget's lifeless body to drag it to the incinerator – seriously, PEOPLE WOULD'VE NOTICED IF SHE WAS MISSING, THIS PLAN IS SUPER FLAWED, AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT YOU LIVED IN A BUILDING FOR MONTHS AND DIDN'T SEE ANY OF THE OTHER TENANTS, JFC – Bridget is gone.

Anyway, they fight again and Bridget finally kills the bitch, and all's well that ends well – except for Steven Weber, the dog, Stephen Toblowsky and I'm guessing the gay friend would probably have some lingering health issues as well, and of course not to mention the trauma Bridget has gone through that will undoubtedly affect her entire life.

So that's Single White Female in all its early 90s glory – I mean, if you're looking for a snapshot of the fashion of the very early 90s in New York, this is your movie, because holy shitballs there's some interesting looks.  And I don't even know what to categorise Bridget's hair as.  It's a sassy little cut and it's super out of fashion now, but I remember that look being all the rage.

[demonologist-in-denim]

Ode to the Dreamers

The road stretches out ahead. It stretches farther and brighter than Dean ever imagined it would. And though there was a time he imagined he’d be traveling it alone, he knows now that was and will never be the case. Dean stares down that open road, rushing towards him before disappearing under the guttural, triumphant roar of the Impala, and thinks back on all the people, lost friends and found family, who drove down it with him. All the different roads, different journeys, they might have traveled down together, the different endings.

If there are infinite alternative universes out there – an anthologized cosmos of unbridled creation, a multitude of divergent worlds and disparate lives – then anything is possible. Dean takes comfort in that. All those cursory imaginings and half-formed, heavyhearted what-ifs might be actual dimensions. Might be real. For him and Sam. For Cas. For Bobby and Charlie and Kevin and everyone else they’ve shared this long, tumultuous road with. Maybe, Dean likes to imagine from time to time, for Crowley.

That endless road opens up before Dean, every poignant exchange and sacrificed second chance, each of them makeshift, unrehearsed, heart-felt.

Dean imagines Crowley could have outlived them all. Survived the apocalypse and the Winchesters’ well-intentioned self-destruction and all the rest of it. Likely with style, and a glass of good scotch. The undisputed sovereign of Hell. The subjugator of Heaven, seizing both thrones through sophisticated schemes and subterfuge. Characteristically cavalier about conventional incorrigibility and divinely ordained limitations, confident in his capacity to rule over all creation. At least for a little while, Crowley would have had it all. And he’d have been happy. Because if any of them could ever actually get to know what that felt like, Dean always imagined it would be that repugnant, smug son of a bitch.

He imagines the pair of flannelled hunters did kill the King of Hell, after the Leviathans, after the tablets or the trials. Crowley and the Winchesters never getting the chance to discover what each were capable of becoming.

Dean imagines meeting Crowley before Castiel. The hardscrabble hunter and snarky demon forming their own peculiar, profound bond. How that would have changed everything, or maybe nothing at all.

That after everything with the Mark, rather than pushing Crowley away, Dean might have pulled him into the fold. The two of them, leaning on each other as they stumbled towards humanity, together.

That they completed the cure. Completed it during the third trial, as the bodies of falling angels seared the night sky. Completed it later, three broken men attempting to heal a fourth. Dean imagines the Winchesters forced the cure on Crowley, free will be damned, because of the threat he posed: to them, to the world. Completed the cure against Crowley’s will because Dean knew, with soul-rendering certainty, there was a man inside the monster. They completed the cure with Crowley’s full consent, because he asked it of them. Because he wanted to belong; because he already belonged, with them.

Crowley made human, vulnerable at first, thin-skinned, depression and frustration raging each in their turn. Only to discover he didn’t have to be any of those things – that wounds and past mistakes, emotions and humanity don’t have to be weaknesses.

Maybe Crowley remained a demon. Maybe it didn’t matter what he was, only who. And who Crowley was, was family.

Dean imagines they found some other way to close the rift. The four of them now five: two hunters, a fallen angel and a risen demon trying to raise a Nephilim. The names Crowley would have conjured for Jack, the avuncular role the demon might have played. The notable and unjustified certainty that there wouldn’t be a repeat of the Amara situation. That the four of them were in this together.

Crowley there with them, in the bunker, on the road. Saving people. Saving himself along the way.

Crowley staying behind as Dean and Sam and Cas charged into that other dimension to save that wayward boy and Mary. Crowley working with Rowena, estranged husband and wife at least temporarily reconciled as they combine powers to keep the rift open, waiting for their strange little family to come barreling back through, triumphant.

Crowley there to face off against Michael with them. Sweeping into Dean’s head just as he had Sam’s all those years ago. Sympathetic and irate in his role as savior, railing at Dean’s constructed utopia of one of their old summer-time haunts. This, the demon would have demanded, caustic in his sentimentality, this is living the dream?

Crowley, forever safe in the bunker Dean has erected in his mind, with Bobby and Charlie and Kevin, and all the others the Winchesters have lost along the way.

All those other potential realities and this one colliding like universes slingshoting across the vast delirium of creation, countless fingers clattering away on keyboards, fashioning love in all its possible forms out of the rendered mess of their lives. And each of them – Dean and Sam and Castiel, and Crowley, tucked gently into soft oblivion – contributing to it soul-shaped pieces of themselves. Creating other roads to travel down together.

Maybe not in this life, this world, this reality. But somewhere.

Dean is certain of it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468559