#The mortifying ordeal of being known but it's by a person who only loves and cares for what they see

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Nothing more gut wrenching than when one character either literally or metaphorically can't see themselves and another character says "I see you" that shit is breathtaking bro

[writing-for-life]

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

Or: Does Morpheus really have commitment issues?

[Bear with me, I’ll get to this panel 🤣]

I’ve read many times that Morpheus supposedly has commitment issues, and it always has me scratching my head a bit…

I personally rather think he is desperate to commit. He so badly craves a serious relationship that he is prone to rush into it and build it on wonky foundations, but he has certainly no commitment issues as we would commonly understand them.

Is it in his nature though to be truly seen and understood when he is [a] Dream? And can dreams ever last? These are the much more interesting questions in my view. Let’s have a look at the romantic relationships we know of…

Killalla: Walked out on him. That wasn’t his lack of commitment. If anything, he came on a bit strong while she was still assessing her feelings for him.

Alianora: He fully committed to her despite basically being bullied into it by Desire. And they were happy for “a goodly while”. For those in doubt: “Goodly” doesn’t mean “a bit”. It means “great, large, long.” And the fact that Alianora couldn’t go back to her own plane because she had stayed in the Dreaming too long corroborates that they were together for a long time. Probably longer than any human relationship ever lasts, because I doubt “a long time” means “a couple of years” for someone who is 12 billion years old.

And now I’ll sandwich the relationship we hardly know anything about between some random (?) panels to also make a point why I think it might sit here in the timeline…

Titania: Who knows. Sounded like an affair, and as if they both had no intention of committing. He was clearly very fond of her though, and I can never shake the feeling that we should look a bit deeper into AMND and find the parallels between Auberon, Titania (not hard, and they are pretty much pictured as estranged) and Bottom. There are many ways to get confused with a jackass, you know? 🤣 Plus, Bottom is the one who gets to play Pyramus in “Pyramus and Thisbe”. That’s the ultimate blueprint for “Romeo and Juliet”: Ill-fated love of catastrophic proportions, people are dead by the end of it. That’s why I often wondered if the affair with Titania was actually pre-Nada, and the inspiration for Shakespeare wasn’t random (it wasn’t random for The Tempest either). I mean, it wasn’t random anyway because it was a parting gift, but I also don’t think it was entirely random with regard to their relationship. Wild head-canon of course, but maybe not that wild (he also says that Wendel’s Mound was already a theatre before humans walked the earth, so there’s that)? And even if he wasn’t committed (we quite frankly don’t know if he intended to but she didn’t or couldn’t), she and the Fae meant enough to him to give them a play as a parting gift.

Nada: Killed herself after one night, but that wasn’t down to lack of commitment on his part. Again: If anything, he came on far too strong, wanted to be with her and was far too pushy about it.

Calliope: We don’t know how long they were together before they had Orpheus. Could have been a while, could have been only a shortish time. But even if we assumed they had him fairly quickly—they were still together when Orpheus, who was mortal, got married to Eurydice, so even if he got married young, we’re still talking something in the realm of +/- 20 years, and that’s the absolute low-ball-estimate. And while they had started to drift apart (considering what we know from Calliope), they were still on good terms and had no intention of splitting up until the whole Orpheus drama caused a rift they couldn’t mend. Again: That’s not someone who has commitment issues. It’s a relationship breaking down over hurt, stubbornness and grief.

Thessaly: Again, she was the one who left him and caused his dramatic interlude in the rain. Were they ill suited? Yes. Did she feel neglected and went into a strop over it? Yes. Did he not get that she felt neglected? Also yes, but that’s not lack of commitment. That’s his not getting that people aren’t mind readers (must be hard if you’re probably one yourself 🤣) and, by and large, need assurances of love. He doesn’t get that these women don’t understand they have his love; he can’t grasp that line of thinking because it is all so clear to him when he loves someone: They have him, what’s the issue? Is that a not so great way of (not) communicating when you’re having a relationship to someone? Absolutely. Is it a commitment issue though? Absolutely not.

I think Morpheus doesn’t really have commitment issues in romantic relationships—wouldn’t that almost be antithetical to his nature? Rules and responsibilities. Yeah, about that one…

What I do think is that he struggles with the mortifying ordeal of being (not) known by his lovers. Because how could he? He is Dream. That is his problem. Dreams cannot be fully known or understood. He is very eloquent but at the same time a very… confusing communicator. I don’t want to say “bad”, because I feel that’s not getting to the bottom of it. Again, it is the nature of dreams to be confusing and strange, open to (mis)interpretation, hard to grasp and understand. And they also stop being dreams once they become real. All of that is true and hence makes relationships both hard for him and those involved. Is he truly not willing to commit though?

I still find that hard to believe…

[auriidae]

PART 2 ‼️ me & my friends when we are stuck at life (pt 1) (pt 3)

character notes under the cut!!!!!

both in true hs canon and in this au, rage represents chaos. and lifeseries grian is so undoubtedly linked to chaos above all else — he thrives off it, subsists on it even. if it’s not something he can seek out it’s something he’ll initiate. but — make no mistake, the anarchy he initiates is very much limited to within the game. he doesn’t break the game system, he works within it and disrupts whatever system the players are trying to put in place… for the benefit of the game itself. and again, with heirs being played by their aspect, it only makes sense for him to be one. rather than jimi, though, he’s okay with this — being an agent of chaos ties him to it intrinsically, and that makes him feel so, so alive. he’s okay with being controlled, for the most part, because it also means he’s in control. at least at the beginning.

i wanted to make eethos a mind player so bad you don’t understand 😔 but i think he is closer to void in reality. either way he’s a thief — dealing in redistribution of his aspect only to himself, whether consciously or unconsciously. i think void makes sense for eethos because he’s such an unknown to many of the other players (and also to some extent probably himself). a thief of void — taking the mystery from others, knowing them and their secrets and cloaking yourself in them, making yourself an unknown. if void is an aspect more focused inward, also (i like the idea that the central struggle of void players’ character arcs are more personal than some of the other aspects), we could have eethos vs the mortifying ordeal of being known + choosing to stay. which comes back to his class, with thieves having to let others have their aspect as well in order to fully complete their character arc. with that being said eethos “wghats the deal wiht abtrhoom pesnis” mind player will always be real in my heart ok

beedub oh beedub my beloved rogue beedub. rogues typically have the problem, right, where they are capable of redistributing their aspect for the benefit of others but never for themselves. so they try to find others who can help them with it but really just have to learn to stand on their own (and end up finding a source of their aspect that way). this specifically throws beedub n eethos’s friendship into the saddest light because beedub is okay with giving everything to his friends + allies (esp eethos) while quietly hoping they will help him in return, but the thing beedub wants eethos (as a thief) is incapable of giving to him. he can only take, and that’s where their sort of falling out where eethos starts avoiding him and spending more time with others comes from. eethos needs to learn to give to others (not beedub) and beedub needs to learn to stand on his own. ethubs makes me sad. BUT ANYWAYS hope as the aspect of imagination, of being caught up in seeing what could be, of love and trust unconditionally without paying mind to the possible repercussions. that is pretty bdubs-coded i think. he’s a hope player and he’s going to be ok guys he’s going to be fine :)

again feel free to ask me questions abt them !!! lifestuck is in my brain

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

ok, you know what, fuck it, fic recs post. historically i try not to rec works in progress or things i haven't commented on and i'm throwing that fully out the window for this because honestly, fucking whatever.

if you're on this list and i haven't been fully unhinged at you in the comments, please know that it's because (1) i'm the worst and (2) i'm trying desperately to calibrate so i hit 'enthusiastic' and not 'kind of frightening, actually'. i swear that i have written at least several sentences of a comment for every fic on this list, it's just that i'm genuinely impossibly slow, sometimes. it's me, not you.

my previous rec post is here, in case you missed that. as a bonus, special for this rec list and as a concession to the horrors, i am attempting to guess how much any given fic will fuck up the average person. obviously this is a ymmv kind of situation, but i'm trying, at least?

everything else under a cut because i am longwinded.

and found by @dangerouscommiesubversive, explicit, every possible combination of di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua | li xiangyi; bless, but i am not typing all that out. starting off with a wip where i haven't left a comment in like four fuckin' chapters, breaking those rules real good. this fic is a fucking ride. i will admit that i wasn't entirely convinced by the premise when i saw the blurb, but i am nothing if not willing to admit when i was wrong, and i was—once again—totally wrong. this is the fic where i was like 'ok but…is anyone really, like, desperate for gen z li xiangyi?' and then i read it and i was like 'ohhhhhh fuck yeah, ok, i get it, i was actually fully desperate for gen z li xiangyi.' he is. such a little prick. i love him. there has been something unexpected and delightful in every single chapter of this so far, plus a number of impressively memorable one-liners. this fic is fun and distracting and at least as of chapter seven, i'm gonna say it's not even gonna fuck you up. (please note that this is only through chapter seven!)

and the days are bright red by @junemermaid, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. rip to my beloved tumblr mutual @junemermaid, because they're getting called out twice in this list, but: tough. this fic is so delightful. featuring: memories of slut era li lianhua, the mortifying ordeal of being known, an entire box of historically accurate sex toys, fang duobing and di feisheng communicating (sometimes silently) in a way that unsettles li lianhua (back from his months-long sojourn), some very hot sex that is both very much about sex and also about trust and being perceived, casual intimacy, and fledgling tenderness. there are Emotions in this, and they get moderately intense, but it's a very kind and surprisingly gentle feel-good fic.

a drink under a clear window by @momosandlemonsoda, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing and fang duobing/qiao wanmian. a fic that tackles the dreaded v-shaped polycule and makes it work. it seems like perhaps it shouldn't: fang duobing as the hinge, with di feisheng and qiao wanmian on either side, but actually it works perfectly, and is a lovely little glimpse at who they could become and the relationships they could have. i love the thought of qiao wanmian having come into her own as a leader in her own right, as more than just the representative of the ghost of li xiangyi, and this does a wonderful job of letting her be her own person. also, yes, ok, passing fang duobing back and forth like a party favour. this is a post-canon fic in which li lianhua is dead, but the fic itself a straightforward delight that is not at all fucky uppy.

the floating clouds, no resting place, again by @junemermaid (not sorry), technically gen and no ship, but functionally pre-di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the hair-washing fic. ohhhhhh. i started jotting notes for this post the day that i finished this fic, and i really thought that they were in any way comprehensive, but instead, what i typed and left as a note to myself was this:

and honestly. you're right, hypothetical reader, that doesn't totally make sense, but i stand by it regardless, because i apparently had that thought in [checks date i last saved the file] fucking august, and i'm still nodding along with myself. that is that this is like. this fic is very beautiful and will make you ache and will leave you slightly better at the end of it than you were at the beginning. it may also make you cry; this seems to me a fair enough trade.

the floating lotus by @anndramarama, not rated, di feisheng/li xiangyi. pre-canon stuff doesn't always work super well for me, but i really enjoyed this one, featuring di feisheng and li xiangyi when they're both so young and arrogant and full of themselves—and stupid and naïve and young and almost hopeful in a way that they're often not, in fic, for all that they were barely but children at the point of the donghai fight. they just seem…vulnerable, i guess, in this, in a way that i find touching. seasonal bonus: a ghost story, of a sort. given that this is set pre-canon, i think it's hard to come in any softer than bittersweet, which this very much is.

from here one's hand could pluck the stars by @howlingmoonrise, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing. sex pollen fic! also featuring, a little surprisingly, given the premise, incredibly explicit and enthusiastic consent. look, this does what it says on the tin. di feisheng gets sex pollened. fang duobing is left to stay with him. the obvious ensues. unfortunately, it is also devastatingly charming? fang duobing is earnest and sweet; di feisheng is suffering beautifully terribly and trying so hard not to impose on fang duobing. they're both trying so hard to be respectful of what the other person needs, but they're also still bratty and argumentative and exasperated/exasperating, and it's very entertaining. this will fuck you up none percent, and may even make you laugh.

my war is done by @orchisailsa, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. another wip, with the first of three chapters posted, but please understand that this chapter is nearly 15k and so fucking good and compelling. li lianhua lives! and returns to find that things have changed in his absence, and perhaps that he has also changed in his absence, and now wants things that he had told himself he didn't mind not even having to lose. bonus: road trip and—delight!—only one room at the inn. also some other stuff that i'm not spoiling, but that made me absolutely gleeful. this is definitely a work in progress, and while i don't think there's anything particularly upsetting in the chapter, it does end on something of a cliffhanger. i personally do not feel that this is an upsetting cliffhanger, given the information about the fic that's presented in the tags, but it is technically a cliffhanger.

awkward paragraph break, but it's also important, i think, to mention the absolutely stunning (and not at all safe for work) companion piece to my war is done, you'd be there calling my name, by saki the cup bearer, who i don't think is on tumblr. it's fucking incredible; i am very decidedly not an artist but i cannot begin to imagine how much effort went into this. just. holy shit.

not unlike him in shape and form by @philologicalbat, explicit, fang duobing/li lianhua. ok look. i fucking love when things are deeply emotionally messy, and this is so emotionally messy. li lianhua who's been attracted to fang duobing and not doing anything about it, then discovering that fang duobing is shan gudao's son and is very much going to do something about it. he wants in this, and he's cunty and manipulative and mean about it, and sometimes also almost sweet, almost tender, and i love that, because i feel like li lianhua is very often an object of desire and very rarely gets to desire. i love how human he gets to be in this fic. this is not a sweet or gentle fic, but it does end in a moderately tender place that is tentatively hopeful, i think.

unbecoming heir by @bettercostume, explicit, di feisheng/princess zhaoling. i am taking your hand in mine and begging you to trust me. i know what this fic looks like. it's noncon and a weird pairing and you might look at it and expect it to go in the obvious direction and: it does not. this fic is so good that it makes me angry. it makes me miserable and everyone in this fic is trying so miserably, miserably hard, and it's fucking devastating. i spent literally thirty minutes earlier today yelling at my wife about it. i cannot rec this fic strongly enough. this is not a happy fic, but it is a good fic. it will absolutely fuck you up. this is very complimentary but also you will be fucked up.

until you are its primary evidence by @ilgaksu, mature, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the single most effective use of what is effectively a prologue that i've ever seen in fic, are you kidding me. this fic is nothing at all like what i expected it to be, and is something far better than what i could have imagined. it's fang duobing's point of view, which is a rarity already, and it's so well done, and it allows him so much humanity and so much anger and grace alike. there are so many tricky things about this fic—the prologue, the fact that it's set in the amnesia arc, fang duobing's pov, the fact that it actually addresses canonical disabilities and illnesses without being fucking weird about it, the tension between the three of them—and it's all balanced so well. this has some emotionally heavier moments but ends tentatively happily; tentative only because it's set during the amnesia arc, and, well. we know what comes next.

as a final note: if you wrote one of these fics and feel that i've wildly misinterpreted the emotional tenor of the ending, please message me in whatever way you prefer and i will correct it. i would not normally presume to guess how things are likely hit people, as i am in many ways not anyone's ideal reader, but today it seemed like it was kinder to at least try.

[hanbindans]

NOT MY GOVERNMENT NAME??? 🎤🎤

zb1 as petnames a/n: hi my name is hanbindans and I have come to ruin you all 🤠 you saw the microphone emojis- you know what time it is. I've given this a lot of thought btw I love this concept

jiwoong

"darling" with added rizz. honestly all he wants is just to make you go insane and he will make sure to succeed. if he's in a silly goofy mood it's going to be more like "dalliwng <3" (YOU KNOW WHEN HE DOES THE VOICE???)

hao

you're his little babie cutie patootie munchkin pumpkin pie and he will only refer to you as such!! it's definitely a super cute one like "sunshine" because you will never not be the cutest person ever to hao.

hanbin

"sweetheart", but there's nuances depending on the situation. it's "🥰sweetheart" when you bring him lunch at work. "😀😀 sweetheart" is when you try to microwave leftovers in a metal container.

matthew

babygirl/boy and angel but ironically. if it infuriates you or makes you physically cringe that's just fuel on his fire. his goal is not to make you melt for him it's to embarrass you by letting EVERYONE in this coffee shop know that you are "angel".

taerae

definitely "darling", "honey", or "my love" vibes. it's going to be one of those super sweet ones that only old married couples call each other. he does it with so much ease too like he isn't making your heart skip several consecutive beats by calling you honey.

ricky

when texting? babygirl/boy and angel but unironically (in his mind calling you this makes him the hottest boyfriend on the planet). irl? he's [insert the new jeans song] and will only call you by your name- except for when he's sitting really close to you and no one else can hear him- and he'll let out a "baby" in the quietest voice possible (🥹)

gyubin

I just know he would call you something insane. it's definitely a pet name that he can NOT under ANY circumstance call you in public or people will look at you weird. I'm thinking "hey smelly toes" or something unhinged like that like he knows no limits. you're best friends who kiss there is no such thing as too far in his mind.

gunwook

no thanks!! he would rather crawl into a hole in the ground and decompose <33 actually he has like 24 pet names picked out but he's not about to reveal how much of a simp he is in case he accidentally quotes a full hozier lyric instead of calling you "babe". it's the mortifying ordeal of being known gunwook edition.

[brigdh]

Ed and the mortifying ordeal of being known

Ed does not like revealing his feelings. He is incredibly consistent about lying,

hiding

displacing,

distracting, or just outright denying what he's feeling instead of actually talking about it. This is a consistent pattern of behavior with him. There are a few exceptions – most significantly, I think, the bathtub scene where he confesses to Stede about killing his father – but they are a) rare, and b) occur under unusual circumstances, such as a PTSD flashback. In general Ed goes to great lengths to prevent people from recognizing the truth about him.

I don't really blame Ed for this habit, to be clear. He went through an abusive childhood, and though we don't see a lot of the exact dynamics in baby Ed's house, it's very common for abused children to become hyper vigilant of both their own and others' emotions. It's an attempt to exert some, any control they can over the situation, as though they can prevent setting off the abuser if they just always say and do the right thing.

Ed escaped into piracy, but in terms of talking about his feelings, I don't think it was much of an escape. Piracy in OFMD seems to be a place where the idea of having friends (though not the reality – I'd argue Ed might not use the word 'friend', but has had close relationships) is to be scoffed at. "We're all just in various stages of fucking each other over!" says Calico Jack, and being open about your emotions, plans, hopes, etc would just make it all the easier to be betrayed. On the other hand, lying, obfuscating, or just telling everyone about Plan A and then instead pulling off Plan B makes you look like a double-crossing genius who outthought everyone around you. So I'm not surprised that's Ed's learned to be manipulative and uncommunicative. I don't think he's ever been in a situation where emotional openness wouldn't be a disadvantage.

Regardless of why he does this, it's very clear that it's a pattern of behavior for him. This is one reason why I don't think Sad Robe Ed back in Episode 10 was healing – healing requires addressing and dealing with your feelings, and Ed was very much not doing that. I've already written a whole post going through that episode and laying out how Ed never once mentions Stede, or love, or heartbreak, or anything related to what he's going through, so I'm not going to do it again here. In brief, Ed's putting on a performance of sadness for the crew, but it's a generic, vague sort of sadness, without any connection to his personal, specific pain.

Who finally brings up Stede in Ep 10? It's sure not Ed. Izzy:

Which brings us to Season Two. How is Ed doing now?

He's once again making a performance of his pain, and once again keeping it vague, not letting any of his true, personal hurts be revealed.

These:

Are performances of his pain and sadness, but just like before, they're generic, unspecific. This is "Mad Devil Pyrate Blackbeard", not heartbroken, human Ed. Who is it that brings up the private reality of what's causing this toxic atmosphere? Once again, not Ed. It's Izzy, just like before. And this time he gets shot immediately for saying Stede's name, and Ed doesn't even look at him.

In all three episodes, Ed mentions Stede directly only once, and very pointedly, it's when he's alone:

I'm glad Ed has decided that he wants to live, but that's the beginning of a journey, not the end. What I really want to see in the next couple of episodes is Ed finally, for once, opening up. He doesn't want to be vulnerable, but the lack of emotional intimacy that constantly lying and performing has gotten him is, quite literally, killing him.

Ed can't get over his own, very real pain until he's willing to admit that it exists. I want to see him acknowledge where he hurts. He needs friends. He needs love. He can't get those without being honest.

I hope he does. I hope the show will have him do this work instead of skipping him ahead immediately to the happy ending, no behavioral change required. I think they will. It's kind of their motto, after all: talk it through as a crew.

Now if the co-captains would just follow their own advice...

[rusquared]

quick procrastination break and also thank u @what-ye-egg for allowing me to unlock my personal pandora's box:

orv spoilers under the cut <3

the creation of 49!kdj is just. 51!kdj looking at himself, all of himself, and saying "okay, i will give them the parts that they love". he creates a version of himself that he thinks they would love most.

this dokja isn't haunted by the past that led him towards WoS. this dokja doesn't hide in an office cubicle scrolling on a smartphone during lunchtime. this dokja doesn't jump headfirst into danger. this dokja wants to live.

its like this poem i wrote a while back: "today i woke up as the one you would love/ i knew what i did wrong, and so i knew what to do right"

this dokja plays with gilyoung and yoosung and buys them all the pizza they ask for. this dokja doesn't get hurt and lets heewon and seolhwa fuss over him. this dokja stays with them, and is happy. which is what they should want, right?

but this dokja doesn't read. he doesn't look at joonghyuk the same way. this dokja eats tomatoes and doesn't remember the novel and characters that saved his life. this dokja doesn't make that stupid, unlucky smile, when he's about to sacrifice himself out of love. he doesn't habitually reach for his phone in his pocket, or bicker with sooyoung about cliches in webnovels. this dokja doesn't read.

tim kreider (the dude from "the mortifying ordeal of being known") also wrote this fucking banger of a line:

But the things people love about you aren’t necessarily the things you want to be loved for. They decide they like you for reasons completely outside your control, of which you’re often not even conscious: it’s certainly not because of the big act you put on, all the charm and anecdotes you’ve calculated for effect.

49!kdj is what 51!kdj thinks kimcom should love. after all, who would want the loner who only knew how to read and doom 1864 worldlines over and over again?

he doesn't know that they love the things he doesn't even notice. his hatred of tomatoes. his eyes when he finds a new book to read. the way he always kept a portable power bank on hand.

so imagine his surprise when they overturn a whole new worldline, show him scenarios he couldn't have imagined, and then.

knock

[vaguely-concerned]

Happy Grace/Pan Vibes For The Soul

"How can I, with you in the way?"/"(Laughs) The floor is yours!"

First of all I'm honestly just so charmed by how genuinely delighted Pan seems to be at watching Grace finding her voice and learning to enjoy using her power, I think that's where I started to take a shine to him. (also seems quite central to his character/romance in general because it's a thing that recurs through their relationship -- he tells her "I'm enjoying it if you're enjoying it" straight out at one point and that's definitely always there in the subtext). He buys a music studio for her just in case she ever wants to return to making music again even when she's not the muse anymore just because he loves her singing and has seen it make her happy before, how is that not the sweetest goddamn thing in the world??? Pan and Oracle in shared first place as stans for Grace musically

For real though, 'I Can Teach You' is sooo... even when you don't join forces with him Pan teaches Grace so many things in that song, it's a thematic tutorial as well as a gameplay one in many ways. For me I think the most impactful subtexts are 'This is a tricky situation, change is here and it's difficult, but you have more control and agency here than you think' ("You're in control!" "It's your song!"), and this sense that, y'know... there can be joy and playfulness and discovery in setting out into the unknown, not just fear and uncertainty.

dude... I wanna be in cahoots with & sing playful duets with you for the rest of my life bro (amorous intent)

Pros: Hell yeah look at her go! 🥰

Cons: Uh-oh look at her go! 😬

I love that Grace can bring Pan's motif into 'Challenging A Queen' and be called the fuck out by Persephone btw. why u keepin' your guard up girl uwu

'you gave up the only thing worth having -- for your little mortal friend' he says, giving up everything for his little once-again-mortal friend literally the next day fhsdkjfhsad who are you fooling buddy? not even yourself at this point surely??? (dialogue for if you save Freddie by giving up the eidolon)

my observations on the grace/pan dynamic across the different personality traits (yes I've done a run of each romancing him I am normal about it):

Clever!Grace: Pan seems to set out to be a trickster mentor of sorts, and Clever!Grace flips the uno reverse card on him and goes ‘Not if I trickster mentor you first bitch be honest about your feelings or perish challenge engage’. Probably the most birds of a feather combination (and indeed it’s the Blue version of the soundtrack that shows off his romance — also his tie and glasses are on the cover for that one :) ). 

Charming!Grace: Performative puppy dog eyes-off whenever either of them wants to get their way. 🥺4🥺. Pan is provably a soft touch from the Charming option to find Persephone before Challenging A Queen so I feel he probably tends to buckle faster but it’s a close thing. Local trickster god completely disarmed by someone being nice to him.

Kickass!Grace: “Be real with me or Imma kick your ass”/”Promise? ;)”/"...>:)"

I am always thinking about the way he steps up in The Trial when romanced (and the way it's the only one where Athena is genuinely shocked and appalled fhskadj). there is something about him that's like... he keeps protesting against 'innocent' and he's probably right haha, but there is certainly an almost fundamental lack of any active malice there that he doesn't fully admit to himself or to grace until this moment. he is doing this for grace, but it is also a confession about something really deep in himself that seems to be very vulnerable for him in its sincerity -- that he really doesn't mean to or more importantly want to cause harm (I don't wanna dance/with blood on my hands). admitting to his own basically good heart finally seems to be the bigger, scarier thing for him, more than facing the prospect of dying. he's experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being known and I for one am so proud of him

"I'm just here for the dance"

the way he sings that just to her and completely changes the meaning of it from what he said with it before, from using it to keep her out to inviting her in...

also can you imagine how badly the kill bill sirens must be going off in Grace's head in all variations of this scene no matter who steps up, considering what happened to Freddie just days before....... oof!

*incensed whisper* are you fucking kidding me with this what am I supposed to do with myself here

love these too

I really like the visual repeats of crossing the pond to the tree and back as a metaphor for them getting closer (or rather, him letting her closer, it is very much His Space). he retreats back there towards the end of 'Share This Dance', and that's the point where Grace puts her foot down and essentially says 'no. you come meet me honestly in the middle this time or this isn't happening'. and in 'The Trial' he does and then some!

I meant what I sang. I'm not a good man. If Athena had taken me up on my offer, the Idols would have been better off But I can try to be better. You make me want to try.

fun fact: if you break up with him after The Trial (YEAH you can still break off the romances at that point! it's wild honestly fsjadk), Grace tells him he should try to be better ‘for himself’ not for her... and he calls that (i.e. himself) ‘not much of an incentive’. My guy don’t make me break out the ‘Have you tried therapy’ prompt again. He takes it very calmly and gracefully under the circumstances but he's also like. quietly resigned and subdued. I tried it once for Science and never will again but there you go I bring my knowledge to this altar of sadness lol

you see the thing is I would forgive him for just about anything too I understand why so many of the characters in-game can't stay mad at him for any length of time

he starts the game by asking her to take his hand and he ends it on asking her to take his hand (and she does)...

:') let's share this dance

[ikarakie]

(unfinished) scollace wip

wallace is the well known son of a rich family. scott is scott, and seems to be the only one in the whole world who doesn’t know him at first glance.

Everywhere he went, people knew his name. No matter what room he was in, what corner he hid in, what backdoor he tried to sneak out of, he was never a stranger. People greeted Wallace Wells with a shining light in their eye and a clear expectation when they shook his hand.

He could never figure himself out. Wallace wasn’t allowed to fumble awkwardly through first conversations, finding a place and tone for him to comfortably slot into. The mortifying ordeal of being known, or whatever. He was never just some guy from class, he was always Wallace Wells, heir to a multi billion dollar estate and fortune. The guy whose family name was plastered on the front of the buildings, who walked past framed portraits of his dead relatives on the way to lectures; always called up on stage to present, or christen, or award in his family’s name. Who probably never had a real friend, because ever since he was little, kids would approach him and say: “My mommy says I should be your friend, because your mommy and daddy have lots of money.”

Hey, at least they were upfront back then.

There had been a brief period of his life where he considered using his money to his advantage, so desperately lonely that the idea of flashing some bills didn’t seem so bad if it meant someone would smile at him and pretend to be interested in who he was as a person. That the perpetually empty seat next to him would be filled by someone.

In the end, though, he never needed to. Looking back, Wallace wondered what the hell he’d been doing day to day before this happened. He was so dazed and miserable basically every second of every day that he didn’t even remember what lecture he met the guy in.

All he remembered was sitting there, two seats empty either side of him as always. People were intimidated by him, he guessed– not that he really cared to analyse their behaviour anymore these days. Not how he had when he was younger and a little more optimistic.

Anyways– he was sitting there, zoning out at the wall, when he felt someone slump down next to him.

He turned, wide eyed. A couple murmurs travelled around the room as people noticed the random guy who’d broken the weird unspoken rule not to sit next to Wallace Wells. They were quieted by the appearance of the lecturer, but Wallace couldn’t tear his eyes away from the mystery Guy.

A single spiral notebook and pen sat in front of him, can of Coke Zero waiting to be cracked. To outside eyes, he was your typical Canadian college student. To Wallace, he was… hope? That sounded stupid, but whatever.

He was wearing a faded t-shirt and jeans, scuffed up converse that were clearly well loved, and his hair– a weird mix of ginger and mousey brown– hung a little past his ears. Maybe on someone else it could’ve looked stylish, but on this guy it was obvious he just couldn’t be bothered to go to a barber.

The idea that he had a plan, that he knew who Wallace was just like everyone else, taunted him. So, Wallace leant into his space, craning his neck slightly to catch his attention.

“What do you think of this class?” He asked, waiting to see that flicker of recognition. The guy slowly looked at him, frowning. His mouth opened and closed a couple times, like a fish. He looked really stupid.

“It’s… It’s okay?” Guy replied, though he sounded somewhat unsure. “Who are you?”

Wallace blinked. Guy blinked back. His eyes were sparkly, but there wasn’t that telltale flicker– just blank innocence and confusion. Hell, it was pretty cute. “You–” Wallace swallowed his words instantly, because he’d never asked someone if they really didn’t know who he was before sincerely, and he wasn’t going to start now. “Who are you?”

“I’m Scott Pilgrim.” He said. Then he frowned, “Hey– no fair! You didn’t answer and then you stole my question.”

Fair enough. “I’m Wallace.” Wallace said, maybe for the first time in his life to someone who didn’t already know that. Scott mouthed his name once, and for a split second the idyllic life Wallace was crafting out for himself nearly shattered to pieces in front of him.

“That’s an old man name.” Was what Scott came out with. Wallace barely swallowed his laugh, slapping a hand over his mouth. The lecturer– and half the damn hall– side glanced at him. Only once they’d moved on a second later did Wallace gently hit Scott’s arm, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. Scott looked down at his arm, then back at Wallace.

“I would be offended if that wasn’t so funny, guy.” Wallace beamed. Scott continued to look at him intensely. His eyes flicked back and forth a couple times. Then, he leant in as well, making Wallace’s heart skip as they came nearly nose to nose.

With the tone and expression of someone in the middle of a very serious, very secretive, very illegal exchange, Scott Pilgrim asked him: “You know Pac-Man?”

And then that was that, and Scott was the best thing to ever happen to Wallace. Ever.

They spent so much time together it was a wonder neither of them were sick of each other yet. Six days out of seven, Wallace ended up in the Pilgrim family’s basement, eating processed chips and screaming at a little TV as Scott destroyed him at every co-op video game he owned. Then, at every co-op video game Wallace could buy. He’d bring them over, claiming he had a console too, but he liked Scott’s better and why doesn’t he just keep the games here, so they can play them whenever? Maybe a little dishonest, but it wasn’t like Wallace couldn’t afford to get the console also.

There was just something about Scott’s house. It felt like a home. His mother was warm, kind, and present– sometimes bringing them home cooked meals as they did whatever in the basement; or coming down to pull at Scott’s ear about missing homework or needing to shower or clean something. Scott would always whine and thrash like he was six years younger than he actually was, and Wallace would sit back and call insults at him and: “C’mon, guy! Don’t treat your wonderful mother like that!” Which always elicited a smile from here and some comment about how lovely Wallace was.

He also had a sister. A sister who knew him– the first time they’d crossed paths he’d been walking out of the basement to use the bathroom and they’d all but collided in the hallway.

Stacey had looked him up and down, and asked: “Wallace Wells? Why is someone like you hanging out with someone like him?” While gesturing to the basement stairs. You could hear Scott screaming about something.

Wallace, his heart hammering in his chest, replied with a shrug. “I like him.” She raised an eyebrow at him, so he’d elaborated. “He’s the only person I’ve ever met that didn’t already know me, so he treats me normal.”

“That’s because he’s an idiot and doesn’t pay attention to the world around him.” Stacey had rolled her eyes, weary and exasperated even at sixteen, and Wallace had instantly liked her.. As she’d passed him, she clapped him on the shoulder. He wondered if being weirdly unphased about the infamous filthy rich guy you just met was a Pilgrim thing. “Pretty sure he’s straight, by the way. Just FYI.”

“Low blow.” Even then, still unsure of it himself, he’d been unable to deny his crush out loud. Stacey had just laughed at him.

[starcurtain]

Haikaveh Fanfics I Really Want to Read (Part 1)

Part 2. ->

1. A run-in with a cursed artifact on a research trip leaves Alhaitham intangible and invisible. He can't be seen, heard, or even open his precious books (which is the real tragedy here). Things go from bad to worse when it's discovered that the only person who can break the curse is someone who "knows Alhaitham by heart."

Problem is, nobody does. The only one who might even come close is Kaveh, and will he really be willing to go out of his way to research Alhaitham's deepest secrets just to bring his scathing roommate back?

Turns out the answer is yes, and Alhaitham is left invisibly watching over Kaveh's increasingly desperate attempts to learn more about the most private person in all of Sumeru.

Yeah... Alhaitham's probably doomed.

(Or: The Akademiya's erstwhile scribe has nothing better to do than stalk follow his roommate around unseen, gets a front row seat to Kaveh's tough life, undergoes the mortifying ordeal of being known, and realizes just how much his own cold nature has left him isolated from the world.)

Rest under the read more:

2. Another research trip gone wrong: While Kaveh's out of town on a job and without a shield this time, Alhaitham takes a nasty knock to the head during a fight. Although he wakes up all right, he doesn't have the faintest idea who or where he is. Quick-thinking nature intact, Alhaitham decides to fake his way through on context clues for a while. It's an interesting experiment, after all, to learn about his own life from an outsider's perspective.

Too bad a very silly series of coincidences occur (i.e. Kaveh took most of his work things with him for his trip, so his room is pretty bare; they wash their laundry together to save water; and everyone keeps asking Alhaitham why some mysterious "Kaveh" guy isn't with him), all of which lead Alhaitham to the absolutely incorrect assumption that this missing "Kaveh" person is his significant other. Imagine Kaveh's shock when he returns home to a very out-of-character greeting...

(But I mean, really, does Alhaitham need his memories back? This is kind of nice, you know...)

3. Requirements for a Desirable Life (According to Alhaitham):

1. Match your actions to your talents (read as: go with the flow) 2. Low stress, high paying job (read as: the balancing act between making oneself seem indispensable while underachieving as much as possible is a talent) 3. Nice home with a short commute (read as: at-home lunch hours every day) 4. Books (read as: soon as possible) 5. Kaveh (read as: the light of my life who I moved into my house through admittedly somewhat underhanded tactics just to keep him close to me, but what was I supposed to do--tell him I have actual feelings? Impossible, in the most literal of senses)

Or: Alhaitham pursues his plan for an ideal lifestyle in an utterly single-minded and undeterrable fashion... except when comes to his roommate, who--for someone so good at drawing up his own designs--also seems terribly good at ruining Alhaitham's.

Just fall in love with me already.

(Basically, I just want to see Alhaitham be the pining one for once. He is one checkmark away from his dream life, but he'd rather sell his soul to Lord Sangemah Bay than confess without knowing how Kaveh feels first.)

4. Alhaitham is preeminently capable. He's beyond a genius. His research could rewrite the laws of reality if he tried hard enough. But he's also... terrible with people. Actually, terrible is an understatement. If Alhaitham is murdered one day, it'll be because he finally committed one too many social faux pas and honestly the masses will probably say he had it coming. Thank the lesser lord that the Akademiya's scribe has someone as gregarious as Kaveh around to help him mend his obtuse ways, right?

Or: Five times Kaveh tried to lecture Alhaitham on social skills, and the one time Alhaitham put all those lessons into practice... on Kaveh.

5. The very silly comedy one: If someone were to ask Kaveh what the very worst thing about living with Alhaitham is, he'd say--well, first he'd say "Who told you?!", but after that, he'd say something that might come as a surprise. The worst thing about living with Alhaitham isn't their constant snarking and diametrically-opposed mindsets. It isn't the tacky, asymmetrical furniture Alhaitham keeps bringing home because it was "practical and inexpensive." (Kaveh's skin is crawling.) It isn't even the fact that his so-called "landlord" reminds Kaveh all too often about his unpaid rent while never lifting a finger himself to do the dishes.

Nope. The worst thing about living with Alhaitham is the experiments.

"How many books can I leave on top of Kaveh's sketches before he yells at me?"

"How angry will Kaveh get if I drink the expensive wine he brought home last night?"

"How many days will it take Kaveh to notice I keep rearranging all the stuff on his shelves while he's out?"

"How many times can I suggest he add Aranara statues to his designs before he tries to strangle me?"

It's bullying, is what it is! There's no limits to Alhaitham's behavior when his curiosity is piqued--the only thing that matters to him is the answer to whatever outrageous new question he's thought up in that thick head of his. And of course, the louder Kaveh shouts, the more "experiments" Alhaitham seems to dream up...

Honestly, someone ought to give him a taste of his own medicine!

(Or: Alhaitham and Kaveh end up in an exponentially escalating social experiment competition, pushing as hard as they can to find the other's boundaries. One of them has to break and give up soon, right?! Too bad Alhaitham's the god of stubbornness, and Kaveh's eternal peace of mind is on the line--if he can just win this, Alhaitham will finally give it up and quit bothering him! He can't chicken out first!

Because they're both very Normal™, it turns out there's not a single boundary to be found.

Well, at least answering the question "How many times can I walk in on him in the shower before he kicks me out of the house?" might save them some money on the water bill?

By the way, Kaveh wins. It turns out the answer to "How many dog ears can I fold into the pages of Alhaitham's books before he tries to kill me?" is 0.)

[buckybarnesss]

Lurker now follower here, hi hi, I love your blog and all your insights and thoughts on Teen Wolf and Sterek!! I just finished a rewatch and then immediately started over from the beginning because I am Unwell 😂😂😂

I’m on episode one and I gotta say it’s pretty hilarious how Stiles immediately recognizes Derek. Like, I can only imagine how obsessed he was with the fire and the Hale family, and now Derek is back!!

I don’t really have more coherent thoughts on this, just my brain going BRRRRR so yea lol 😂😂

hi! welcome!

i know we all joke about how stiles immediately knows it's derek hale that he and scott run into because it is funny. like stiles baby. honey. the signs were there.

i've always gotten the impression the fire is something stiles remembers very, very well.

the hale fire changed beacon hills. the hales had been there since the town's foundation. they were a well off, prominent family. there was reason to suspect arson. multiple children died and the only known survivors were two barely adult children and a severely burned, comatose man.

laura and derek were high schoolers. cora was eleven years old and presumed dead.

we're told the only thing left recognizable of talia hale were her claws.

it's the definition of a tragedy.

not to think of the supernatural repercussions to the vacuum left behind.

stiles would've been about 10 when the fire occurred which is young but old enough to understand the severity of such an event. especially as the child of the sheriff.

he probably saw how it weighed on his father and had a healthy dose of morbid curiosity. he may have even have knew cora hale in that passive way you know other kids in your school even if you don't know them personally. one day there and the next dead. for someone like stiles who gets hyper-focused on things and has a lot of anxiety stemming from the death of his mother i can easily imagine how his mind didn't let it go.

meeting derek in person created a hyperfixation so intense and so unhinged it led to him recognizing teen derek hale at 50 paces or less in a mexican desert several years later.

as he got to know derek he unlocked the layered tragic backstory stiles really became derek's secret keeper.

and it is only stiles that gets these pieces of the puzzle that is derek hale. he's the one who goes through the hale fire files, he's the one who pieced together that kate argent preyed on a young derek and he knows about paige.

i find it interesting choice to have only stiles know these things about derek. scott never learns of these things that could possibly make him more empathetic towards derek. the writers don't use it that way.

especially because stiles learning these things never goes anywhere overt. it's all in the subtext of the relationship between derek and stiles.

like, stiles learns about paige and he does nothing with this information but we do see him with tears in his eyes over it. he doesn't ever learn that paige's death gave power to the nemeton either. jennifer only tells derek that.

he knows all of this about derek and never tells anyone. he only ever alludes to knowing about kate one time and it's in the overlooked when he gets in derek's face. i'm unsure derek's even aware stiles knows about paige. stiles carries all these secrets about derek and he never uses it against him. instead he continues to keep coming back again and again and again for derek.

more importantly he understands derek and what is love but the mortifying ordeal of being known.

that all said stiles is absolutely unhinged about derek and derek does nothing to curb this by the way. if it bothered him he'd stop it but they are freak4freak so derek probably finds it charming even if he puts up a few token protests just to bait stiles.

[greenerteacups]

Would LOVE to hear more re: Lily Evans as the bolter of you want to share more about that idea

Ogh god I have So Many thoughts about Lily and the Marauders in general because I had to basically do a full outline of the Backstory in order to have context for the living Marauders' backstories, but here is my official Harry's Mom Was A Player dissertation:

I like the idea that Lily grows up with relatively few people around (we only see her with Petunia and Snape, which you could read as a function of Snape's perspective, but I prefer to read it as Lily and Snape being "those weirdos in the corner of the playground making Potion in the dirt" buddies). From that, she becomes pretty closed-off emotionally, and despite having general charisma and kindness, she's pretty hard to connect with. Nice, but a little brusque. She's glad to help you with your homework, but when you invite her to Hogsmeade, she'll smile and make a vague excuse, and you'll never hang out again.

This would also explain why she and Snape remain friends for five years, despite being in different houses and having a lot of political differences: he's one of the few people she's vulnerable with. So we're picturing this Lily who's beautiful, charismatic, clever, but also very closed-off and hard to find. I.e. 100% the kind of person who attracts a lot of admirers, but doesn't actually get close to any of them.

My headcanon for her is a long series of two-month relationships running from around fifth year through sixth, none of them very intense, and petering out around the time that the other person starts asking for labels or commitment. Because (a) she's Busy, but (b) she's not really comfortable with any of them. And so she gets a bit of a (slightly mistaken) reputation as an ice queen.

We know Lily and James started dating in seventh year, after he "stopped being an asshole." ACCORDING TO SIRIUS. This is his account of his best friend's love story. A lot of the read here turns on (1) how much you think James told Sirius about him and Lily, and (2) how much of that Sirius wants Harry to know, as someone trying to protect James's memory.

"He was a cad" is obvious big James energy, especially since we know (1) he's an unserious arrogant jock for most of his Hogwarts career, and (2) she would have absolutely no reason to take him seriously if he expressed interest in her, because — he's a dumb kid! And a bully, from her point of view.

Because they're not close, verging on antagonistic, I tend to think that his interest in her actually was superficial to start with — based on her looks or her reputation (or both). Which, of course, plays right into her issues with intimacy and not being really Seen by anyone. And the ritualized game of his pursuit only contributes to her disbelief in its sincerity.

So basically, by seventh year, you have these two incredibly desirable, successful, popular people who are both in fact really locked-up and struggle with sincerity, but have the beginning of real feelings for each other, and are freaking out about that.

And then you get a great Player4Player love story about intimacy and the mortifying ordeal of being known.

[bildad-the-shuhite-official]

Hurt/Comfort fanfic recommendations

A late night by wilywitchwahoo G, 400 words, h/c, insecure aziraphale, crying Crowley comforts his sad angel.

Your warmth is all I have by katterv T, 900 words, physical injury, mild blood, (gorgeous) fanart included Aziraphale is hurt, unconscious and so, so cold. Crowley hates it.

Morning Glory by HopeCoppice T, 1k, hurt/comfort, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, genderfluid crowley, fem-presenting Crowley, insecurity, body image Crowley wakes early; Aziraphale watches him worry.

Your Effervescent Tears Cleanse My Core by TotallySnowy G, 1.1k, panic attacks, cuddling, aziraphale needs a hug It all started on a rather normal day in southeastern Londen, at specifically 4:05 AM in the morning, Aziraphale awoke with a start. Very, very peculiar for an angel, lest a nobel one at that. What was even more peculiar is that Aziraphale could feel his face become flushed. Quite peculiar indeed.

Evening Star by HopeCoppice T, 1.6k, insecurity, body dysmorphia, hurt/comfort, cuddling, non sexual intimacy, non sexual nudity Aziraphale seems reluctant to join Crowley in bed, and Crowley is determined to get to the bottom of it.

All Good Hearts are Heavy by Sarah_hadeschild G, 1.8k, depression, depressed crowley, fluff, hurt/comfort, protective aziraphale Crowley has always dealt with bouts of depression-- periods in which he cannot bring himself to do much more than exist. Over the centuries, he grew accustomed to enduring these episodes on his own. But now, Aziraphale is with him. And although the angel cannot miracle away his lover's distress, he can try the only remedy he knows with any certainty. He can love him.

Counting on your love by that_angels_demon T, 2.2k, insecure Aziraphale, body dysmorphia, kissing, making out, asexual relationship, non-sexual intimacy Having finally confessed their feelings for each other after the (almost) Apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale explore the physicality they've always craved. But when long-internalized insecurities come to light, Aziraphale isn't so sure his demon will want this after all…

crack me open, feel me shatter by rattatatosk T, 2.7k, nightmares, Crowley’s fall, body horror, hurt/comfort Crowley dreams of the Fall. Aziraphale is there to catch him when he wakes.

To Exist and Love by IneffableDoll T, 3.1k, hurt/comfort, acephobia, asexuality, south downs cottage, hurt crowley, ace affirming, fluff Crowley runs into someone who says some bigoted nonsense about the asexual nature of his and Aziraphale’s relationship. It leaves him fuming, so when he returns home to his angel, they talk through it and navigate the complex feelings and hurts the interaction brings up. Basically: A very ace-affirming spite fic.

Flight and Fight by Phantom531 T, 3.3k, panic attack, post season 2, hurt aziraphale, angry crowley, hurt/comfort, angst Aziraphale has a panic attack and reaches for the only person he ever needed. Unfortunately, Crowley is still REALLY angry.

Crossfire by NuriaSchnee M, 4.7k, locked, post Armageddon’t, love confessions, hurt/comfort, showering together, non-sexual intimacy, first kiss In which a shower can solve 6000 years of secrets and misunderstandings. Or: Aziraphale finally breaks down at Crowley's flat and Crowley takes care of him.

I Forgive You by Sparkling12 M, 6.3k, post season 2, hurt Aziraphale, aftermath of torture, hurt/comfort, love confessions, bathing, cuddling Crowley taking care of his traumatised angel, while plotting revenge on Metatron. Part of a series: -  I Forgive You

Come as you are by fruitygoblin M, 10k, body dysmorphia, insecurity, wall sex Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order.

Everything I've Had by AppleSeeds M, 12k, human AU, chronic illness, chronic pain, hurt/comfort, bathing/washing, domestic fluff, childhood friends to lovers After developing a chronic illness that leaves him unable to live alone, Crowley moves back home to London where he reunites with his childhood best friend Aziraphale. Aziraphale helps to take care of Crowley and keeps him company while he's in bed, bringing them closer together and reigniting old feelings.

Touch my Tears with Your Lips by IneffableDoll T, 27k, post season 2, season 2 fix it, hurt/comfort, understimulation, making up, trauma, touch starvation, south down cottage In Heaven, there was nothing to touch. Aziraphale re-tied the knot of his bowtie again and again and again. He was alone, and nothing was real, and he was alone, and nothing was real.

[sincerely-sofie]

Twig is my response to replaying PMD2 for the nth time and getting upset with how dry the Hero feels in comparison to the other characters! I’m really enjoying how she’s turning out, so I thought I’d share a little bit about my blorbo OC in case anyone reading my silly little comics is interested.

She’s a charmander— the reason for this is less because that’s what an internet quiz told me the personality I wanted for her would be, and more because the thought of “haha what if the leaf lizard’s bestie turned into fire lizard” grabbed me by the throat and would not release me until I declared it to be official.

The flame at the end of her tail is supposed to resemble a maple leaf in autumn as an additional nod to her grass-type buddies.

She nicknamed her partner, a mudkip, Kip. Kip the mudkip. She panicked and now she’s stuck calling him this because he absolutely loves it.

(Kip had a huge crush on her throughout their entire apprenticeship at the guild. She has no inkling that this was ever a thing. Grovyle's unable to believe someone would ever like him in a romantic way and Twig is no different.)

The gal's just a horrible little shambling mess of neuroses exclusively kept intact by the fear of submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

She’s 12-ish by the first chapter of the game and is just barely entering her 20s by the end of the post-game.

While she doesn't realize this thanks to her amnesia, Grovyle grew up way too fast in order to keep her alive, and she felt awful about this in the Dark Future. She tried to be as helpful as possible to take the burden off of his shoulders— or at least as helpful as an eight-year-old could be to a teenage magical gecko. Seven years later, by the start of the game, neither of them had an actual childhood despite both of their efforts to provide that for the other.

As a result of the previous bullet point, despite not being cognizant of the reasoning behind it, Twig has a thing about being a burden. She is convinced she is an awful burden on everyone at all times, and she is constantly scrambling to be sufficiently valuable in order to cancel out this burdensomeness— and she does this without ever even considering the idea that she could be a positive presence. She can only be neutral at best and negative at worst— in her eyes, at least.

(Are there therapists in Treasure Town? Asking for a friend)

Grovyle named her Twig! She had a human name at one point, but she never told it to Grovyle after running away from the hidden bunker of humans she once called home. With all her memories of her past erased, including those of her original name, it’s lost to time.

She's almost completely unable to read at the start of the game, and is only able to recognize a handful of footprint runes: Time, Avoid, Future, Past, Travel, Passage, Gear, Twig, Grovyle, and Celebi. She's weirded out by being able to read the name on Grovyle's wanted poster and ferret out that he’s wanted for stealing time gears without help.

(She learned these by trying to read the plans that Grovyle and Celebi would write in the dirt as they navigated the Dark Future and plotted out their rebellion.)

She jokingly stanned Grovyle before Dusknoir's true colors were revealed as a way to teasingly bug Kip, who didn't think it was funny to stan a criminal, even ironically. After chapter 16 and beyond it is no longer remotely ironic.

After the events of the post-game, Kip gets a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue his childhood dream of being a cartographer. Twig encouraged him to jump on the opportunity, even if it meant them being apart for a time, and he reluctantly set off on a years-long expedition without her. They miss each other dearly, but they have become the ultimate pen pals and they’re keeping their local post offices in business with their individual correspondence alone.

Twig gets a bee in her bonnet one day about evolving and storms off to Luminous Spring to get it done. For some reason— perhaps a lingering distortion of time or space clinging to her— her evolution into a charmeleon is incomplete. She grew a little taller, lost some baby fat, and has a bit of a nubby lil horn, but she hasn’t got the height or coloring of a typical charmeleon. In addition to this, all your scars are meant to vanish along with your old form when you evolve, but one in particular on her right arm remained unchanged. The scar doesn’t bother her, but it does weird her out that it didn’t go away. She doesn’t even remember where she got it, so it’s not like it's special or anything… right? It kind of looks like a handprint. Weird.

She ends up getting a house in a place called Verdant Village just north of Treasure Town and doing odd jobs to keep the money coming in— she doesn’t take many exploration gigs because it’s not the same without Kip— and makes herself a nice life there.

(She has a family consisting of a gallade, gardevoir, and little ralts kid as next-door neighbors. The gardevoir could smell Twig’s rancid shambling-mess-of-neuroses vibes from a mile away and has made it a point to regularly try to get her to open up. Twig will absolutely not open up because she doesn’t know how to go about explaining her problems when they're centered around how she’s a former human originating from an alternate future that no longer exists, and that she spent a while being antagonized by the god of nightmares before he was blasted into the ether by the ruler of space and promptly disappeared, never to be seen again. There’s a lot to unpack there and she honestly would rather throw out the whole suitcase than deal with it.)

She was feeling nostalgic one day and decided to go crawl the mystery dungeon at Mount Travail, where she encounters an amnesiac Darkrai hiding in the bushes to avoid the fighting types prevalent in the area. After very awkwardly attempting to threaten him despite the increasing urge to just turn tail and run, it became clear to Twig that he remembered nothing but his name, and he didn't seem all that intent on world domination anymore. She couldn’t help but be suspicious of him regardless, but disguises her wariness as concern and gives him a place to stay at her house so that she can ensure he doesn't remember who he was and what his goals were before his memory was erased.

Thus begins the "And They Were Roommates" arc of Twig's life, where the plot swings rapidly back and forth between her comically desperate efforts to keep the origin of 82.9% of her mental illnesses from learning anything about his past, feign normalcy to bystanders when she goes to the market with a being of myths and legends trailing after her, and keep The Bad Thoughts from taking over while also trying to figure out how to explain to her friends what she's been up to for the past few months.

Shenanigans ensue. Friendships are tested and strengthened. Long-avoided conversations are had. Twig is, mortifyingly, understood. Healing is found and time keeps marching on.

(Also Darkrai ends up nicknamed Ark for similar reasons to Kip being nicknamed Kip. Thought I'd just sneak that in here.)

[chasingfictions]

lottie telling everyone why their life is fucked up directly in the second person but when it comes to nat’s suicide attempt she can only use third person … it’s giving lottienat two halves of a whole it’s giving well if she uses you for nat that also on some level means i . If she uses you she has to think about the fact that what she’s proposing is her own suicide attempt. and then the logic would unravel and she can’t do that . lottienat “you never talk shit unless someone really deserves it” + the affection of “you talking shit? you little bitch” and the first moment setting up their paradigm of ethics and honesty and the second calling back to their intimacy with each other. but in this moment it’s “not gonna solve shit with talking, nat” — it’s about lottie being untruthful to herself which is the same as being untruthful to nat. nat’s given full honesty and vulnerability since she arrived but lottie hasn’t been able to do the same — she didn’t tell the full story about travis’ death whereas the trust they built allowed nat to tell the full story about her near death experience with travis that led to his death. lottie is clinging to be the healer so she won’t have to be vulnerable. lottie and nat expressing what the other cant or wont in a given moment, expressing the opposition that makes the other into a fully realized being, by making them exist in relation. “not gonna solve shit with talking” means please don’t make me talk please just let me spiral please just let me help you instead of helping myself please let me forget I have a self. but nat always sees lottie as a girl and not a god a woman and not a prophet a friend lover enemy teammate family member and not a leader. lottie knows that by even being in a room with nat she is opening herself up to being Seen. to being judged and perceived and called out. nat who yells at lottie in the wilderness for her perceived harm. nat who in the present notices lottie’s wounded hand. nat who has threatened lottie’s life and expressed a wish for the end of lottie’s life and who is here now trying to find a way to keep living by lottie’s side. what is she so afraid of, what is Lottie so terrified of if she says you here. Is it the vulnerability . is it that nat will see her wanting to die and will say sure go ahead. is it that she’s afraid nat will see her as a god and not a girl. Lottie wants to be seen as a priestess and she takes comfort in it, and also she craves to be seen, and if she lets nat in she risks the possibility that nat will see her as a person, whcih she can’t allow from anyone, or as a god, which she can’t allow from nat. so she has to stay the healer. she has to stay distant. she can’t let nat in because that would let nat know how much lottie needs her. and lottie has bought into the godlike persona that she shouldn’t have needs .

she can’t say you because then what if nat doesn’t say you back. and what if nat Does. GIRLS WHEN THEIR SELFHOOD CAN BE AFFIRMED OR DENIED BY THE OTHER!! GIRLS WHEN TO EXIST IS TO BE SEEN!! GIRLS WHEN THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN. Lottie wants to stay shroedinger’s god but nat said open the box and let me love you already

[yellowocaballero]

i dont know if this something you put a lot of thought into but it seems like you might and im curious so, what are some of your favorite themes to write about/the themes that interest you in writing or media?

Oh wow, good question. I put both a lot of thought and very little into the themes of my work. I always sit down and decide what I'm saying, and the meaning of the story, but some things always emerge in the writing. I usually discover what a story is actually about as I'm writing it. It's usually only after I finish the work that I realize what themes I had put in there, which seems like it should be bad. I think this means that a lot of my themes come through subconsciously. They're typically just...things I think about a lot.

I think the one thing I keep on coming back to is *tumblr voice* the mortifying ordeal of being known. That entire article, including the image of walking down a hundred stories of hell before reaching heaven, reconfigured my brain. It's just so damn hard to exist in a world with other people in it. There's an inevitability to hurting each other, but the love's worth it. Playing The World Ends With You at a vulnerable age primed me for obsession with this. That one quote from The Little Prince, ya know.

Generational trauma, cycles of trauma and abuse, and the long-term impact of trauma comes up a lot for me too. How being fucked up makes you fuck up others, the long-term consequences of being fucked up, the coping mechanisms we develop as a result. The ugly side of trauma and mental illness, the way we lash out and hurt people. I talk about escapism a lot, and the impact that has on you and the people around you long-term. This is usually exemplified through amnesia plotlines. This is a deep cut, but the Warchild series by Karin Lowachee had the best take on this I've read in a book.

Non-traditional love. I end up writing a lot of sibling dynamics, but I like creating unnamable and undefinable relationships. A lot of things I write just become very aro and asexual narratives. Love that saves. Love that isn't enough, but it still matters. The other side of love, which is grief.

I could go on. Forgiving yourself. Struggling to determine how to be a good person. How your identity & the intersections of your identity affect who you are. Power and power dynamics. A LOT of man vs self stories, like a lot a lot (I'm not overly interested by villains). The experience of being mentally ill and navigating the world as a mentally ill and/or disabled person. The differences between navigating the world as a man or a woman. I write a lot, so a lot of stuff tends to come up, lol. Roleswaps - fucking, somehow, for some reason, WHY, WHY DO I WRITE SO MUCH OF THEM -

Thanks for the ask, I had to do some self-reflection to answer it! I never really realize I'm writing about these things until I am, again. They're just all part of my framework of how I understand the world. Everybody has those, but when you're a writer it's easier to pull them out and microscope them.