#The more prehistoric history videos I watch

[cecebookworm]

The implication that creatures like the vasuki indicus and gorgonopsids are just chilling in the Lost Cities Sanctuary… Shannon Messenger, you have unintentionally made a horror story.

(I get that they’re supposed to have converted to be vegetarians but… 💀)

[spacerangersam]

I have very correct and cool thoughts on a YouTuber au that won’t leave my head so here they are:

Kitty is the first to start a channel. She’s grown up watching youtube and thinks it’s just wonderful, so she wants in. She starts just doing vlog stuff but eventually moves on to reviewing books which really gets popular. She’s this very happy chirpy girl who favours romance and erotica, who occasionally turns up out of the blue with a fucking like, Thomas Hardy novel, and will come out with random and poignant takes on what she’s reading. The people love her, as they should,

In my au, they’re (nearly) all friends to begin with, so once Kitty starts doing well, she tries to encourage Pat to get involved (she just really thinks he has the personality for it, and it'd be something to distract him from the divorce). He has four separate channels (he likes to keep things organised of course), one that’s more for Daley than anything, just short simple videos going through things he’ll need to learn growing up like how to fix a lightbulb, a flat tire, how to cook a few simple meals etc. He has a 'vlog' channel (it's a bird-watching diary, it is just videos of all the cool birds he's seen). His most popular, the club room (or something in that vein), is just him and his weird group of friends meeting up to fuck around for half an hour and talk about shows, movies, music and clothes they like and dislike for 20mins or so. Finally, he has a channel just for him to talk about those things in more detail.

Robin's channel is all about space, space facts, sci-fi etc. He will also sometimes do drunken videos where he debunks people's dumb conspiracies, and as he has an interest in prehistoric history, will film himself going to prehistoric sites and giving some commentary.

The Captain is a university professor who's infamous on his campus for going off on long rants during his lectures. He keeps getting complaints and Kitty casually suggests he starts a channel and rants there instead. He reluctantly gives in. He gets popular of course, and goes on from ranting about just about history/historians to everything. 

People can't work out if he's gay or just a very determined ally until like, five years down the line when his fiance Pat walks in during a charity livestream to give him a cuppa.

Mary wouldn't have a channel but would be the cameraman/editor for some of the gang, Fanny wouldn't have a channel either, nor Humphrey (who's always running late and rarely makes it to the club sessions in time, but in return shows up on Kitty’s channel a fair bit to talk books). 

Disgraced former MP Julian Fawcett would absolutely not be allowed to have a channel or appear on anyone's channel. He has to sit behind the camera at every club meeting and talk quietly, much to his chagrin. 

Now, Alison and Mike. Either Mike would have a series of abandoned channels, or it'd be the ghost thing. I made a post a year or two back about them having a ghost hunter channel where they go around supposedly haunted places to see if they’re actually haunted with Alison being the annoyed ghost seer and Mike the enthusiastic believer, and yeah. I think it'd be kinda funny if this was just, casually something they both did, that in this otherwise normal world ghosts are canonically real, and that the Coopers bumped into the others while on a tour of an ‘abandoned haunted house’ that is actually just the manor that Pat and the others film their ghost meetings in.

[thelightfluxtastic]

So I was curious about (BBC) Ghosts from seeing gifs on tumblr (and being familiar with some of the actors from Horrible Histories videos). Getting to see more of the actors via taskmaster, and it being Spooky season, I watched the first season last night. I had intended to just watch a few episodes but hey, who could have guessed, it turned out the show was very engaging! I'll be staying out of the tag to avoid spoilers, but my thoughts on season 1 so far:

-I went in expecting Thomas to be my favorite (hello reawakened celebrity crush on Mathew Baynton), I do love a dramatic poet dandy. But it's so hard to say whether he's my favorite because I ended up really getting attached to a lot of characters, especially:

-Robin! I did not expect the prehistoric ghost to be one of my faves. Having the caveman be, in some ways, the intellectual character (loves chess) is a great level-one subversion. But what I like even more is that they lean into the fact that he's been the oldest to give him some of the best emotional intelligence and experience processing time and grief.

-The captain! Oh goodness I hope in future seasons he gets to have his gay awakening and figure all that out, it's so sweet and earnest.

-Earnest in general is a good word for all of the characters. Mary's genuine helpfulness and Kitty's eager sweetness and Pat's Soft Dad Energy.

-I swear this show was written for the bisexual eye. There are several gay/bi characters, the jokes are played in parallel (Thomas finding Allison attractive and the Captain finding Mike attractive), and some of the more "fan-service-y" scenes are things like Mike confidently running around the house naked.

-Some of the miscommunication between Mike and Allison is frustrating. I get that it's somewhat necessary/a staple of the sitcom genre but "I accidentally broke a thing you liked and was too embarrassed to say so/tried to fix it" is a sitcom miscommunication. "I took out massive loans while you were in a coma" is a bit much.

-I laughed out loud at several of the jokes, whether the bigger ones (like Thomas excitedly kicking Humphrey's head) or small quips and bits of banter.

[theboarsbride]

I am living for the gorgonops-styled werebeast.

Heehee thank you!! I'm so glad you like! It started off as something very experimental but the more I doodle it the more I love it.

The mental image I've had for the beast when I first started writing TBWH was much more 'American Werewolf in London' inspired and it stayed that way for a while despite the fact I wasn't wholly satisfied with it, but after watching prehistoric natural history and paleontology videos, I became obsessed with the imagery of Gorgonopsids! I remember being drawn to them as a kid, too, with wolf-like heads and big muzzles with even bigger teeth despite not being mammals, and not being reptiles either! So to make a werewolf more dinosaur/prehistory-inspired felt really fitting for a book with paleontology themes, motifs, etc. :)

[comeback-from-the-dead]

Icon and Header: Moon knight Comic (2016) art by Greg Smallwood

Links: Spotify-account - Art account - DeviantArt Account - My art (all of the post in the tags are my acc) - Time-lapse - IG - Letterboxd - Scarlet witch comics reading guide (in the works) | Sideblog | Pinterest | w.maximoff - blog | [I don't "stan", real people]

-- about me | Notes ↓

To many freaking links I know idk I feel like my brain is itchy if I didn't make a link for my things

an annoying Bisexual /18/ any pronounce (call me whatever you want it's fine idc really) /rant and complain alot, I am a self-taught artist I use my phone and fingers to draw digital so it's a bit wonky...papansin minsan

I am a girl or boy sometimes an alien

I have special interests in history (ancient civilizations, Prehistoric stuff, Philippines history: (Spanish colonial period) etc.)

I really like David Lynch and Guillermo del Toro and their films/shows and I watch all of the things they have directed and read and watch a lot of stuff about them/ related to them you can ask me about that if you want

I watched a lot of shows, films, Documentaries or Whatever Videos I find interesting...also I love listening to music

brain rotting | Multifandom | comics/films/shows/games/manga/anime

I am obsessed with the Scarlet Witch....(films, comics, cartoon... anything about her...),

If I follow you it's because I like the stuff you post and I like the same stuff as you,..not really want to list all the stuff that I like.. it's a lot

You can talk to me about true crime in my side blog idk..I like reading, listening, watching and knowing stuff and documentaries about the cases ( I don't "Stan")

Also have weird obsession with Squids and Octopus or anything that have tentacles...I like other Deep sea animals too

Too lazy and anxious to answer ask/DMS sometimes and will probably answer it 2 weeks or months later or probably will forget about it...sorry

I like a lot of characters but NEVER romantically more like... finding a stray cat and petting it type of thing??Hyperfixation goes brr

I am not normal about jujutsu kaisen

I am kinda corny maybe a bit cringe...

my English is not very good

I don't like arguing with people so please if I post something you don't like just block me

I don't "stan" celebrities or any real people if my fav fictional characters is played by someone "problematic" i don't care because idgaf about who they are or what they do,I only care bout my silly guys who happens to share the same face as them...and I pirate most of the stuff I watch and read...because I am poor as fuck, I Occasionally reblog gif set and pics of Actors, movies and character that I like...so please stop sending 'ask' ..

Sorry for yapping too much but I don't get why people cares so much about Celebrities or famous people...most of them don't really gaf about you and it's weird when people got angry when their 'fav' celeb didn't do what they want or agree with what they believe.. I hate people that treat celebs like fictional characters that they can make Headcanons...most of them are going to just disappoint you Anyway so why do you care so much about them? Why do you keep defending them? Liking them it's fine but defending and talking about them like they gave birth to you it's weird and creepy especially if the celeb is clearly a horrible person ...ehhh I know you don't care what I think...but god I hate 'celebrity' "stans" so much...they make me wanna throw myself of a moving fast vehicle.. like losing your mind over fictional characters is normal and understandable... at least...but god I hate celebrity dick riders so much...I hate celebrity haters too that make it their entire personality too...like idc if you hate that person don't bother me because I like a character they play... sometimes I wish really really famous celebs that have many fans because they are 'good' people 🙄 do sometimes really bad or got exposed for something horrible just to see celeb fandom meltdowns...why? Because it's hilarious...I mean famous celebs that the weirdos from internet always praise and makes meme about... it's so fucking annoying rahhh yeah I get I am pathetic....the amount of famous actors and actresses that are in my acc muted list is insane..I mean yeah I like a few celebs but mostly because I like their performance from a film or show other r than that i don't care or think about them and will never care if they did something bad or whatever celeb stuff people cares so much I don't care about award shows and idc who won or lost and idc if this show or movie that I like have a problematic celeb I am gonna watch it anyway I am not doing it for them so shut up....and please if you're gonna one of those weirdos that are gonna bombard my DMS and 'ask' about your stupid fav celeb please just don't...I am just gonna ignore and block you because I hate arguing with morons...I am getting too much already

[y'all are probably are not even reading this ...idc really]

-i talk too much I know Anyway my username is a reference to Havik -Cleric of Chaos- (mortal Kombat deception)

[topflights]

Pass the happy! 💌 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 more people! Get sending 🧸💗💭

oh my gosh thank you so much!!! :,,,) this is so cute, i love when these go around. it’s so fun to see what everybody says

1. pro wrestling. i feel like this is obvious but it rlly makes me so so happy!! i complain sometimes but at the end of the day it means a lot to me and i’m really grateful to have it and for it to have brought me on here to meet a bunch of super cool ppl!!

2. paleontology and prehistoric fauna!! i love love love anything dinosaur or other prehistoric creature related. also just archaeology in general is really special to me. i went to a little local experience with dino animatronics recently, and it was meant for kids but i went with my parents and they listened to me tell facts about each of the dinos for like an hour and point out what they would’ve more likely looked like. it was really fun!!

3. MUSIC!! music has been a huge part of my life since i could remember!! i remember watching iron maiden documentaries w my dad as a little kid. we went to a maiden concert together a few years back and it was so much fun. i’ve got a wall in my room where i put all my setlists and picks and stuff from concerts i go to!! i also play guitar somewhat, though it’s been a while now.

4. video games for sure 👀 i’m not good at video games by any stretch, but they’re really fun. i got a bunch of new games i’ve been working through in the new year. i also started playing skyrim a lot more regularly, which has been great! with the mods available in anniversary edition ps4 i was finally able to play without being afraid of frostbite spiders 😭

5. museums!! art museums, history museums, science museums, you name it. if it teaches you stuff in a visual way, i probably love it. was originally just gonna say art, but museums feels more fitting bc. all encompassing.

[sciencestyled]

How Ragnar Lodbrok Learned We Almost Got Yeeted by Nature and Decided to Educate You All

It all began one fine morning as I stood atop my longship, pondering the most pressing issue of our time: why the mead always runs out before the storytelling gets good. Life, I thought, was a peculiar little game of survival, and we Vikings played it with gusto—pillaging, raiding, and occasionally arguing over who got to name the livestock.

But then something strange happened. A peculiar visitor arrived at my encampment, claiming to be a "scientist." He looked harmless enough, with his parchment and quills and strange inability to wield an axe. He told me of a "genetic bottleneck" and how humanity had once been reduced to a mere smattering of individuals, teetering on the edge of oblivion like a warrior with too much ale on a narrow plank.

"Ragnar," he said, "you must understand—900,000 years ago, humans almost went extinct. It’s a miracle we’re here today."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying my ancestors were almost bested by a mere act of nature? Was it a frost giant? A colossal sea serpent? Speak plainly, man!"

"No," he replied, adjusting his spectacles. "It was likely climate change, environmental shifts, and a whole lot of bad luck."

Bad luck. The words echoed in my mind like the hollow clang of a missed sword swing. The notion that my lineage had nearly been wiped out by something as intangible as bad fortune offended me deeply. If anyone was going to obliterate my bloodline, it would be me—and only after some spectacularly bad decisions involving rival kings and possibly fire-breathing dragons.

Curious—and, let’s face it, slightly insulted—I pressed him further. He unfurled a map of ancient migration routes and genetic studies, explaining how humans had been reduced to a population of a few thousand individuals, huddling together like frightened sheep in some prehistoric apocalypse. It was as if my ancestors had been on the brink of leaving the saga unfinished, and I, Ragnar Lodbrok, had inherited the tail end of a nearly doomed story.

It was then that I realized this was no ordinary tale of survival. It was a saga of cosmic proportions, a reminder that even the mightiest of species could be laid low by forces beyond their control. And yet, here we are, strutting about like we own the world, arguing over whose TikTok video has the most likes. It’s both humbling and, frankly, hilarious.

But what really struck me—and I mean struck, like a well-aimed mace—was the eerie resemblance between ancient humanity's plight and our own foolishness today. Here we are, merrily burning through resources, ignoring the omens of environmental collapse, and squabbling over shiny trinkets. It’s as if history is a massive wheel, spinning us toward the same mistakes, over and over again.

Fueled by a newfound sense of responsibility (and possibly a little too much mead), I decided that this story needed to be told—not with swords and shields, but with the magic of "videos" the scientist spoke of. These enchanted scrolls of moving pictures could reach more people than all my raids combined, and without anyone having to clean up after.

So, I sat down, dictated my thoughts (in between wolfing down roast boar), and called upon the scientist to create the video you are about to see. Consider it a saga for the modern age, a reminder of how close we came to the abyss and a warning not to waltz blindly into it again.

Watch, learn, and for Odin’s sake, recycle something. The ancestors didn’t claw their way out of extinction just so we could doom ourselves with plastic straws and Twitter arguments.

[purplesurveys]

1883

What were you doing one hour ago? I was probably going on Instagram in the middle of taking a survey.

Where were your parents born? Somewhere in the city metro for my mom; somewhere in the outskirts of the metro for my dad.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? The most I've done is booking a Grab to the office during my coding days; but no, I've never commuted to work.

What do you miss the most from before Covid times? My friendships were more 'alive' and accessible at the time. We all graduated mid-Covid and are all sort of living our own lives now. It's understandable now, of course, being older myself; but it's something I find myself missing from time to time.

What has been the best thing to happen to you in the past year? I've managed to travel to three countries in a single year. That leaves me feeling so happy and grateful.

Who do you have listed as emergency contacts in your phone? I don't have any on my phone, but on documents and IDs and stuff I place my mom.

Are you prone to jealousy? Honestly, like not even close these days. I no longer pay attention to people's lives as much as I used to. I focus on and am grateful for whatever it is I have and go through.

How did you get through the lowest point in your life? BTS sort of barged in and literally made me start smiling and laughing again. That's why the way I explain it to others is that my admiration for them goes beyond fangirling and squealing over looks – they've been like lifelong friends who made me want to do and be better, not for them, but for myself. I respect them a lot for what they've done for me.

Have you ever been someone's first love? I don't know. I think?

Have you ever played frisbee golf? Nah. I've played ultimate but not that variation.

What is your favorite silly, feel-good movie? 13 Going on 30 and White Chicks.

How old were you when you got your first gaming console, and what kind was it? I never had my own because I was never serious about video games, but my first console memories were with the PS1. I started regularly watching my family play it when I was 3 or 4.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Tbh I think I do LOL, but apart from me I have an uncle who is well-connected with history NGOs as his main advocacy is to get Filipino prehistoric culture more known. He also runs his own Facebook page that has thousands of followers, where he posts photos from past centuries and archaeological finds.

Is cereal technically a soup? It's not. The 'soup' part is just milk. Soup in itself is a dish that's made with different ingredients.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? They started showing up when I was around 11 or 12, but it's always just been one or two at a time.

What is something that drains your energy really quickly? Clients that either have unrealistic needs and are delusional-ly enthusiastic about said needs; or act super conceitedly. Or worse, conceited clients who have unrealistic needs.

Did you parents teach you how to make a budget before you moved out on your own? They never taught me stuff about money, which in my personal opinion is partly why I performed so badly with my salaries for my first two years of working haha. I had literal zero savings until last year, when I finally realized I had to straighten up. Fortunately it's all good now, but I was definitely a nightmare spender for a while.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Fried chicken!!!

Do you know anyone from Canada? Yeah so many Filipinos migrate to Canada. Most recently in my circle, it was Trina, Jat, and Ysa last year; and my mom's closest work friend's family is now also in the process of migrating one by one since they finally got approved to do so. I think the dad had his flight yesterday, with the mom and kids expected to follow suit eventually.

What's your opinion on astrology? Not real. You do you, but it's a topic I never want to cover in a conversation.

Do you use TikTok? Just for work. I almost never use it in my personal life.

What do you have going on the rest of the day? Surveys and RhyHi.

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

Madagasqueer, Or My Weird History With a DreamWorks Franchise (Part 1)

LOOOOONG POST... Incoming... Brace yourselves...

CW, just in case: Queerphobia, sexuality, mental illness

For whatever reason, I'm going to talk about MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA, DreamWorks' 2008 sequel to their 2005 CG animated comedy starring a bunch of zoo animals and many wild faces they meet on their adventures.

MADAGASCAR and I go way back. I saw the first movie when it came out, on Memorial Day weekend of 2005. I dug it! I wasn't as in love with it as I thought I was going to be. I was a young animation enthusiast, I was 12 going on 13 at the time, and I was really excited for MADAGASCAR. I was into what DreamWorks was doing at the time, was interested in where CG animated movies were going before a truckton of them all just debuted at once circa 2006-07, and I was also really excited to see a CG picture about animals. I've always had a fascination with wildlife, I write stories and have written stories about anthropomorphic animals... so I welcomed a new animal animated adventure. Surprisingly, at the time, not too many mainstream CG pictures were about land mammals. Heck, we got a movie about prehistoric land mammals before we got this. Everything else was toys, insects, dinosaurs, monsters, humans, fish, fantasy creatures. I mean, you had Donkey from SHREK and a few other characters here and there, but that was about it.

In fall 2004, DreamWorks released a CG animated sitcom called FATHER OF THE PRIDE. This show was quite something, to say the least. It's a show that I still can't wrap my head around, like this thing actually existed and attempted to be a CGI adult sitcom that aired on NBC. Network television. There was a lot of promo for it, for sure. I watched it and liked it back then, for I was 12 and my tastes were not really refined back then. And also Donkey himself made a cameo in one of the episodes, even went as far as plugging SHREK THE THIRD in one scene: "Tell the kids SHREK 3 is coming out in 2006!" (Of course, in reality, SHREK THE THIRD was pushed back to 2007.) The production of the show unfortunately coincided with an incident concerning real-life subject matter it was based: Siegfried & Roy. The show was about a lion that was part of their long-running Las Vegas circus act, and his family life behind the scenes. During production of the show, Roy was attacked by one of the tigers, nearly derailing the entire series... But it was seen through to completion, for the most part, and ran only one season with a few episodes either unfinished or unaired... It was... A thing... To say the least.

Weeks later, SHARK TALE had opened. The film had a teaser trailer for MADAGASCAR attached to it. When it started up, I was like "Wait a minute... What is this? Some FATHER OF THE PRIDE thing?" There was a lion, and there were other wild animals there. It looked interesting to me, and I had seen that trailer in theaters a couple more times, notably before THE INCREDIBLES. I sought it out online, and because this was before YouTube and because my family didn't have high-speed internet, it'd take like an eternity to load a 2 1/2-minute video... And naturally, once it loaded, I'd watch the trailer or whatever it was I was interested in at the time... Over and over, on that choppy little media player embedded into the site. So, I was really looking forward to MADAGASCAR. I liked what DreamWorks was doing at the time, and I was of course in love with the Pixar movies at the time as well. THE INCREDIBLES, circa November-December 2004 and into early 2005, was like my #1 interest and just one of my all-time favorite films.

Then we get to MADAGASCAR, which came out in May 2005, finally, and... I remember I *liked* it, but I didn't love it. I liked it better than SHARK TALE, but not as much as the SHREKs, nor the Pixars. I still liked it, though, and I just felt... I was not expecting the movie's second half to go the way it went. It also didn't help that my stomach hurt all night. When I saw it again on DVD, I watched it non-stop. I could probably quote most of the movie. I think the first MADAGASCAR is a solid movie, not exceptional by any means, but for a 2005 CGI animated movie, this introduced a more cartoony look and feel. Funky character designs, asymmetry, wild takes and movements. I remember back then criticizing the asymmetry of the New York buildings in particular, thinking it was all by mistake, but NO. That was the point, it was supposed to be this 2D cartoon but in 3D. I feel like MADAGASCAR, along with a few other movies of this era, kind of laid the seeds that would eventually step us towards... CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS, HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA... Coinciding with the techniques explored in shorts like PAPERMAN, FEAST, and ONE SMALL STEP. The experiments that would eventually step us through THE BOOK OF LIFE, THE PEANUTS MOVIE, CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS... And, the big one... SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE...

So yes, definitely, MADAGASCAR's cartooniness opened up new doors for what could be done in a mainstream CG picture. Visually neat to this day, groundbreaking in that regard, plus with all the amount of fuzzy animals and crowds of characters... Technically still impressive! I still think the movie is at odds with itself. There's an interesting thing where some people like the first MADAGASCAR the best and not so much the sequels because they like how the first one is about how Alex the lion realistically devolves into being a carnivore and a threat to his herbivore friends... Whereas in the sequels, that's just not a thing. Just like the humans in ICE AGE. I like the sequels more, personally, because I feel like this very dramatic "Alex is going to eat his friends" storyline is kind of at odd with the Looney Tunes/Tex Avery anything-goes cartoon energy of the movie. Plus this conflict is all resolved easily, they give him some sushi and that's it. That's the end. I still think it's a very entertaining movie, I really like the characters and the vibe of the whole thing. Good characters and a neat vibe is what makes a movie for me, even if the storytelling makes choices that kinda baffle me.

I can kinda see why it got mixed to negative reviews back in 2005. It clearly isn't trying to be SHREK or FINDING NEMO or THE INCREDIBLES. I think it's more in the league of ICE AGE, a sort of "cartoon animals on an adventure and they're all arguing and bickering with one another", there's pop culture jokes and such. Come to think of it, how come ICE AGE was given a relatively warm reception but this wasn't? Maybe because by 2005, it felt derivative? Maybe? I dunno!

That being said... Years passed...

Life changed in many ways. I was aware that a sequel was in the works, I believe I saw the announcement back in late 2005 saying that it was coming in 2008. I remember when it carried the title MADAGASCAR 2: THE CRATE ESCAPE. Most of MADAGASCAR 2's marketing missed me, because... When MADAGASCAR 2 was coming out, I was going through a tough period in my life...

I was mostly miserable at the time.

I was going through a prolonged depression period that was spurred by a lot of things that went wrong in my life when I was 13-15. Growing pains, all around too. The trials of being a weird autistic neurodivergent teen in a school system that wasn't for me, and many other things. What I went through affected me negatively, and there was also a falling out that hurt me bad, and then I also made the dire mistake of going on internet message boards as I was. In that state of mind. Imitating a lot of what was going on in my circles, my background, etc. etc. etc.

Short version... I probably shouldn't have been where I was on the internet at the time. Mainly IMDb message boards. I was eaten alive, and a lot of it was also my own fault. I acted like an asshole in retaliation. It was not pretty. There were things I said and did, if I went back in time to 2006, I would almost slap my younger self. All of this change and trauma and hurt turned me off to so many of the things that I was so enthused about prior. I found new things to latch onto at the time, many of which did become new special interests, so that is a plus.

I would say my biggest special in early-to-mid 2008 was '60s and '70s music, The Beatles and much of my parents' music tastes my gateway to that. I was SUNK in all of that stuff. I was exploring so much of the rock music world, and collecting records. Wasn't really deep-diving into movies at the time, I wasn't really following animated movie news, barely watched my Disneys like I always did annually... Even in a year like 2007 where everything was falling apart, I still was in the know about movies like SHREK THE THIRD, SURF'S UP, RATATOUILLE, and THE SIMPSONS MOVIE. Even BEE MOVIE to an extent. But in 2008? The likes of HORTON HEARS A WHO! and KUNG FU PANDA just passed me by. KUNG FU PANDA is now a favorite of mine and a movie that means so much to me, but back in mid-2008... I just knew it existed, had no real interest. I was also going through that weird phase where I found Pixar and Disney to be the real deal, and DreamWorks to be that "SHREK fart stuff". The only animated movie that didn't pass me by back then was WALL-E, which I made a special exception for.

In a time where I was unwilling to even go out in public, unless I was going to school (ya know, because I *had* to), I still made an exception for WALL-E... I remember seeing that movie gave me a bright spot of hope in such a dark time. Like, I felt I'd never get a significant other, but I just remember feeling hopeful when it ended. Just about things in general, not about having an S-O particularly. (I'm more of a "I'd rather have some really good friends than be married" person, anyways.) I just also really loved the movie itself, and still do. Blew me away, I remember stumbling out of that auditorium. An animated sci-fi epic of that caliber, it was just so cool seeing that come out of Pixar at the time, an American animation studio.

MADAGASCAR 2 was around the corner, and the trailer might've been before WALL-E... A couple months after WALL-E's release, I remember snapping out of this awful, dour mood that was in. This utter self-hatred and depression, and not wanting to be anywhere in public, thinking I had no friends. So, by November 2008, when MADAGASCAR 2 opened... I was a whole new person! And I was *game* to see that movie. HAD to see it, no other way.

I rounded up a friend of mine. He didn't even see the first one, but he went with me. This friend of mine, I hung out with a lot. Back in those days, we were such goofuses together, I feel a lot of our time together just gave me a needed place to be my weird-ass self when I couldn't in other areas of middle/high school. No surprise, during that period where I was miserable... My sophomore year of high school, he wasn't in ANY of my classes or lunch periods. Completely separated... Kinda shows how weak I was back then, that I fell apart because I didn't have that friend of mine with me. And I wasn't driving yet, neither was he, and we didn't see each other often - we were bogged down in schoolwork and other life stuff anyways.

So we went and saw MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA. Because I broken out of that awful, dismal mood, I was like indulging on everything I had left behind prior to it. I really got back into mainstream animated movies. Like, ooo, what's the next DreamWorks movie? What's this OOBERMIND thing? HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON? What's all this?? Possibly BOO U, even? I had a good time. I'll distinctly remember my friend leaning towards me and saying nonchalantly, "Kyle, this is one funny-ass movie." He'd never seen the first one, he was just like "yeah I'll see it", and we had a great time! Such a fun movie. One of the oldest ticket stubs I saved, too.

So... MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA... I'm not the first person to point this out, but I definitely somewhat sensed it back then... It's queer... Queer AF...

This post is getting to be very long, sooo... Part two!

We'll continue in the next post, to save digital ink space!

[theterribletenno]

Aight so I started watching paleo videos on youtube and got a link to these adorable pictures of radiodonts that straight up look like fossil pokemon and I wanted y'all to see them (illustrations by Jun075)

NATHIRSTY; Water type. Obtained by reconstituting a pokemon fossil. The first in a line of aquatic predators in the most ancient of prehistoric oceans, Nathirsty is believed to be one of if not the very first free-swimming carnivorous pokemon. Like the modern day Eevee Nathirsty was gifted with superior adaptation, surviving for hundreds of millions of years by changing to suit environmental conditions and learning to hunt new prey species.

NAHORDIA Water/Bug type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding no item or any item not associated with another evolution. The direct successor of Nathirsty, Nahordia shares most of its ancestor's characteristics, but the exceptionally fertile oceans Nahordia lived in allowed the voracious predator to feed constantly, leading to accelerated growth and rapid breeding. In terms of population, Nahordia may have been the most successful aquatic predator species in all of pokemon history.

ANOMACELSIUS Water/Fire type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding Charcoal, a Power Bracer, or an Occa Berry. Anomacelsius was theorized to be one of the most aggressive predators before the rise of vertebrate species, and was so adept at hunting other aquatic pokemon that it adapted fire-based abilities; catching smaller pokemon such as Kabuto and Omanyte in their long, jointed mouthparts and boiling them in their own shells. Some professors have argued that this may be considered the very first form of cooking, while others insist it was only used as a quick way to kill prey.

AMPLECTO Water/Electric type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding a Magnet, Power Anklet, or a Wacan Berry. As the time of invertebrates began to dwindle and vertebrates began to rise Nathirsty's descendants spent more of their lives on the menu for other predators. Amplecto adapted to survive this increased competition by maximizing the size and strength of its swimming appendages, and even stored electricity to supercharge its muscles when its life was in danger. In environments with fewer threats, Amplecto could use its electric charges to stun prey instead.

AEGISCASS Water/Steel type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding a Metal Coat, Power Band, or a Babiri Berry. To protect themselves from predation by vertebrates, the descendants of Nathirsty that would become Aegiscass bolstered their exoskeletal defense and adopted a new lifestyle as bottomfeeders. Using special comb-like mouthparts Aegiscass sifts through sediment, eating up any organic matter and any metallic minerals it detects. The metals it ingests help it to grow its amazingly hard shell. Unfortunately, few fossils of Aegiscass have been found due to the fact that their shells rust away after death.

FLATCATUS Water/Ground type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding Soft Sand, a Power Weight, or a Shuca Berry. Overwhelmed by competition from superior predators, some of Nathirsty's descendants changed their lifestyle to become bottomfeeders. Flatcatus was one of the species that faced the most danger from larger, hungrier macro-predator species, so it adapted to burrow into the ocean floor and feed on carrion and detritus. Sedimentary stones from several eras are positively riddled with the tracks of Flatcatus, indicating how successful their transition from free-swimming predator to burrowing scavenger was for survival.

LEERAPAX Water/Ghost type. Evolves from Nathirsty upon reaching level 35+ while holding a Spell Tag, Power Lens, or a Kasib Berry. Perhaps the most delicate of the species that evolved from Nathirsty, Leerapax was nonetheless a terrifying prehistoric predator that used stealth and ambush to feed on prey which no other Nathirsty descendant could. Although Leerapax never reached the population sizes of its cousins they were thought to be incredibly successful nocturnal hunters, retreating to deeper darker waters during the day and coming to the shallows to hunt under the cover of night.

Once again, the artist that made the art is Jun075, I just added the Fakemon descriptions.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Project Almanac (2015)

Project Almanac falls prey to the Achille’s Heel of bad time travel films: its characters are stupid, rules inconsistent, and science dubious. Even if you eliminated the plotholes, you'd be left with weak character motivations and an irritating use of the found-footage gimmick.

17-year-old high schooler David (Jonny Weston), his sister Chris (Virginia Gardner), and his best friends, Adam (Allen Evangelista) and Quinn (Sam Lerner) discover the blueprints to a time machine. Once they complete the device, they have the time of their lives until David’s longtime crush, Jessie (Sofia Black-D’Elia) becomes involved.

The time machine our protagonists build has some limitations, which sets us off on the right path. This avoids the potential ramifications of assassinating a young Mike Schneider before he directs Night of the Living Dead Re-Animated or other history-altering moves. Instead, the teens use the device to “skip” school, ace tests, etc. Disappointingly, the more trips they take, the more the picture becomes prey to standard time-travel tropes. In this film, if two versions of the same person come face-to-face, it creates a sort of feedback loop, which threatens to erase you from existence. Why? Does it have anything to do with altering the past? No, because whether messing with the timeline is perfectly fine or threatens all of existence depends on the scene. I understand the choice to pay homage to classic sci-fi stories like A Sound of Thunder, but here, the central conflict doesn’t really make any sense. I can believe that killing a prehistoric butterfly would change the future because millions of years have passed. Who knows how much happened between then and now? One little experiment causing the death of hundreds through a bizarre Final Destination-like chain? That's a stretch.

You might be able to forgive the numerous inconsistencies (I don’t) but you'll have a tough time accepting where this story goes. David is one of the most handsome nerds you'll ever see, he’s got the skills to put together a working time machine… but his actions are so stupid they’ll drive you nuts. In fact, none of these characters are particularly smart. Why bother distracting your past self so that you can take the test instead of them… when it would be much easier (and less risky when you consider that feedback loop thing) to send yourself a text message or a note? It’s not like the time machine is a secret!

We didn’t even cover the found-footage aspect, which is contrived. These kids are documenting themselves performing a bunch of crimes. Why? Wouldn’t you leave that out of your home video? There was no reason for this film to be shot the way it was, except to jump on the money-saving bandwagon. The shoddy writing and camera techniques wind up drowning everything the movie does well, a big letdown because it shows promise at first. I can see those who aren’t critical of science fiction films giving Project Almanac a pass, but under any scrutiny, you'll realize you're settling if this is what you choose to watch. (March 10, 2017)

[mst3kproject]

The Monster of Piedras Blancas

At some point I realized that I'd done an awful lot of fishman movies on this blog, so I decided I needed a tag for them.  I chose #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen, after a rather amusing musical version of The Shadow over Innsmouth that you can find on YouTube.  Most of them are less fun than said video, and this one very much so.  It qualifies itself for MST3King by featuring Forrest Lewis from The Thing that Couldn't Die, Don Sullivan from The Giant Gila Monster, and Jeanne Carmen from Untamed Youth.

Some lonely people feed the birds or stray cats in their neighbourhood. The lighthouse keeper of Piedras Blancas doesn't have any of those, so he feeds the fish monster that lives below the rocks.  As long as he does this, it only occasionally kills people when they wander into its territory, but trouble begins when the grocer fails to save enough meat scraps to satisfy it.  Soon the hungry beast is lopping heads off right and left and draining the bodies of blood!  The local constable thinks he may have a homicidal maniac on his hands, but marine biologist Fred identifies a shed scale at the scene as belonging to a Diplovertebron, a beast thought to be long-extinct.

Diplovertebron is an actual creature with its own Wikipedia article and everything. According to said article, it was a lizardy sort of a thing that lived in what is now the Czech Republic three hundred million years ago, and was around half a meter long.  It's a very obscure and not terribly threatening animal, and I have a hard time imagining why the writers chose it, of all extinct creepy-crawlies, to be their monster's ancestor.  It doesn't even have a very interesting name. 'Diplovertebron' is quite technical-sounding and has too many syllables to roll nicely off the tongue.  Why not pick something that at least sounds scary?

The Monster of Piedras Blancas is a bloated, sedate movie.  It knows that movies need breaks between the actiony bits... but its actiony bits have no real action, and the talky scenes it inserts to space them out are deathly dull and contribute almost nothing.  There's a bit where two characters discuss a victim's time of death in great detail, taking into account things like a spilled bottle of ink, that would have reduced Joel to tears.  It almost becomes a joke when Fred and the Doctor discuss the minutiae of Diplovertebron scales, while the constable sits there growling impatiently at them.  When even your characters think the movie is too slow, you have a problem.

Everything that might possibly be exciting takes place off-screen.  This is fine and even expected during the 'building suspense' parts – of course we don't see the deaths of the fishermen or the grocer. The bit where we first see the entire monster, when characters open a walk-in fridge and it lumbers out holding a severed head, is honestly pretty well-done.  After that, however, we should finally get to see some monster-eating-people scenes... but since this is yet another stupid rubber fishman suit a la the She-Creature, all it's actually capable of is slapping a few guys and then fleeing.  It supposedly kills a couple of gun-toting rednecks, but the fight happens elsewhere while the audience watches Fred and the doctor fart around in a cave.  We don't see the monster again until it inevitably kidnaps the lighthouse-keeper's cute daughter at the climax.

The severed head is pretty plasticky and looks nothing like the guy it supposedly came from, but an effort was made and I respect that. There are veins sticking out the bottom of it and a really creepy bit where we find it in the monster's lair with crabs crawling over it.

As the movie draws closer to its climax, the men in the town sit down and have a good think about how they're going to defeat it. They know they can't overpower it, and it seems to be reasonably intelligent, so they've decided they're going to have to outwit it. Their big plan for doing so is... throw a net over it.

I expected this to fail spectacularly, but what actually happened was even dumber.  I will not spoil the last thirty seconds of this movie for you, because it's funny as hell, but let's just say that fishmen are like pumas – if you ever meet one in real life, you can just push it the hell over.

As you might have guessed, Lucy is only in this movie so that she can be saved from the monster and can kiss Fred as the words the end appear on the screen.  The only interesting thing about her is a brief moment of stunning misogyny.  She comes running to the doctor to tell him her father has had an accident and needs help – and before going to do so, the doctor makes Lucy take a sedative. Her behaviour was not in any way hysterical or unreasonable.  A little reassurance would have done the job just fine!

This scene suggests that the townspeople don't think very highly of Lucy, and there are other bits that tell us she's probably supposed to be at least ten years younger than twenty-nine-year-old actress Jeanne Carmen.  On the other hand, they seem to think she's capable enough to look after her injured father alone and with only a locked door to protect her from the marauding monster.  Then again, if they didn't, it couldn't carry her off to be menaced.  Yet again, a movie's leading lady is a plot device rather than a character.  This seems particularly true of fishman movies.  Think of the Creature from the Black Lagoon series.

As I mentioned upfront, I have seen a lot of fishman movies.  This is the fifteenth since this blog's inception!  I thought there were a lot of bigfoot movies around, but if you check the tags you'll see that fishmen outnumber him two to one!  This brings up an interesting question – namely, why?

Why fishmen? Sea Monsters have a long and fascinating history that includes not just the classic serpent and kraken but such things as savage merpeople, scaly pig-fish covered with eyes, and according to one sixteenth-century map, very large Yorkshire terriers.  Then along came the 1930s and the popularization of the Loch Ness Monster as plesiosaur, opening up the range to prehistoric sea beasties.  Why not one of those?

I'm guessing the answer is 'because they're expensive'.  Those would require puppets and stop motion and other special effects.  A guy in a costume is much cheaper to build and operate.

Okay, but even if you have to restrict yourself to human-shaped monsters, there are plenty of those, too!  There's the aforementioned merpeople, but also vampires, werewolves, zombies, mummies, and their ilk!  Dracula and Frankenstein are both in the public domain!  And make no mistake, people have made lots of movies about those... but they have also made a whole lot of movies about fishmen!  Why fishmen?

The answer, most likely, is that Creature from the Black Lagoon came out in 1954 and it was huge, being one of those movies that requires an entire separate Wikipedia article for its cultural impact!  The tidal wave of other fishman movies that followed it are like the glut of monster-on-a-spaceship movies that followed Alien, or the fad for teenage slasher movies in the 1980s, or those cheaply animated direct-to-DVD movies that cluster around every Disney and Dreamworks release.  A fishman movie had made money, and now everybody was lining up to milk the scaly, mucus-coated cash cow!

That was a terrible mix of metaphors right there.  Yuck.

There's also something uniquely horrifying about one of the genre's major tropes – the fishman's interest in human women.  This, too, began with Creature from the Black Lagoon but as we've seen it carried over into other films – Bog and Creatures from the Abyss are notable examples (and then there's The Shape of Water). In The Monster from Piedras Blancas this idea is present in that the monster kidnaps Lucy instead of just killing her like it did every other human it met, but it's not emphasized the way the monster's interest in Kay was in Black Lagoon. Fish are proverbially cold and slimy, and the idea of sexual contact with one is almost reminiscent of necrophilia unless you have some very specific interests (see previous parentheses).  The fishman's lack of genitals make it that much more disturbing.

So now that we've sorted that out, my final question about fishman movies is this: could a fishman beat bigfoot in a fight? They're both big, broad-chested creatures that movies like to outfit with claws, teeth, superhuman strength, and bad tempers.  I think it would depend on where the battle happened.  If they're in the water, then the fishman has a clear advantage – bigfoot can drown.  If they're on land, things are a little more even.  The fishman's slime would make him difficult to hang onto, but if his gills dry out he'll have a hard time breathing.  Bigfoot's fur gives the fishman something to yank, but his large feet make him hard to knock down.  It might depend on whether or not the fishman is venomous.

Why hasn't anybody made that movie?  Picture it – dozens of fishmen swimming upstream to spawn, and bigfoot dragging them out of the water to eat like bears with salmon!  I'd absolutely pay for exorbitantly expensive theatre popcorn if it meant I got to see that on screen!

[mk-wizard]

Optimus Primal: Analysis of a bot who achieved “Nirvana”

Hello. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Transformers article, so to make up for lost time, I am going to do one on a character who was not only famous for their various bodily transformations, but also their spiritual transformation. I am talking about Optimus Primal.

So to get started, what exactly is Optimus Primal besides a Maximal who shares a name and helmet style with Optimus Prime? If you’re thinking that he is the Maximal equivalent of Optimus Prime, you would be dead wrong. Despite his name and looks, Primal is a great hero by his own merit who achieved greatness through grit, hard work, self sacrifice and inner growth on his own and without standing even for a moment on the shoulders of any giant. If anything, he is the reason Optimus Prime lived to make his own legacy. To understand and appreciate all of this, one must delve deep into the life story of Optimus Primal.

In the beginning, Primal was an average ranking leader of an exploration ship called the Axalon and his mission was to observe and collect data on other planets and their life forms. He was intelligent, honourable and not above having a sense of humour. However, he can turn and be very stern. The fact that he was young and inexperienced also showed in how he would have slip ups like making bad decisions, making one too many speeches and even losing his temper. All the same, he was the type who would learn quickly from his mistakes and constantly grow. He is also a skilled fighter with guns, swords and he is shown to be a martial arts master of some kind. He also seems to be part of the air force hence having the ability to fly in robot mode.

One fateful day, he was tasked with following and apprehending Predacon Megatron who stole the golden disks. The pursuit led them to getting stranded on prehistoric Earth though at the time, neither faction was aware that this was Earth yet because it was so different from the Earth they were informed of in the history books. At first, Primal chose a gorilla as his alt mode which proved to be one of the most useful beast alt modes in the series. As the Beast Wars (though here in Canada, the series was called “Beasties” for some reason) progressed and after several encounters with some mysterious aliens who intended to destroy prehistoric Earth, Optimus Primal unintentionally sacrificed himself to save the planet, Maximals and most of the Predacons. In the aftermath, the planet was changed and everyone could now see that they were on prehistoric Earth and with time, Primal was restored to life by having his spark transferred to an transmetal body. He could still transform into a gorilla though now he could fly even in his beast mode as he now had a hoverboard similar to the Silver Surfer’s.

During the second half of the war, the series became progressively darker and Megatron’s deeds became more sinister if not homicidal as he was now not above killing his own and even going as far as attempting to kill a comatose Optimus Prime in the Ark after he discovered it. Primal also clearly lost a lot of his innocence as he became less optimistic, more tense and while his honour remained intact, his hesitance to fight with full force with gone. In order to save Optimus Prime, he temporarily held his spark into his own body though holding the spark of a Prime had side effects on his own spark and body. Primal underwent a powerful change of which he became a giant quadruple changer, his firepower was at its peak and it can be theorized that a part of Optimus Prime’s divine connection to Vector Sigma was transferred to him.

In this new powerful form and now gaining clarity on the severity of the situation, Primal was more motivated than ever to defeat Megatron and return to Cybertron so history could no longer be tampered with. And while he did succeed at defeating Megatron who also underwent his own upgrade after exposing his own spark to the spark of the Decepticon Megatron, this victory was not without a price. When the Maximals returned to Cybertron, Predacon Megatron managed to take over the planet forming a new faction of mindless drones known as Vehicons which he controlled through a cybernetic psychic link, and in the process, wiped out the memories of the Maximal team and reduced them back to their beast forms’ lowest level.

Luckily, Primal managed to gather his team and find Vector Sigma and the entity/program known as the Oracle which purified them and gave them new upgraded techorganic forms which they all retained for the entire run of the Beast Machines series. At this point, Primal was no longer a naive mech of science and had become very hardened as well as fanatical without how he believed the Oracle was guiding him towards wiping out all technological life on Cybertron which also put him at odds with Cheetour who used to look up to him. After the devastating loss of Rhinox who was reprogrammed into the evil Tankor, Primal fell into a depression which affected him on both a physical and spiritual level, but he was brought to his senses after speaking to the spirit of a now purified Rhinox and with the support of his team. He now also realised the Oracle wasn’t guiding him towards eliminating technology. It was guiding him towards finding a balance between technological and organic life. With this new mindset, Primal stayed on this spiritual path though he now handled it with a cool head and a more enlightened tone until the final face off with Megatron. In the final face off, Primal sacrificed himself by plunging himself and Megatron into Cybertron’s core allowing the entire planet itself to transform for the better into a technorganic state and also reawaken the entire population. While the heroic deed did cost Primal his life, his spark was at peace as it joined the Allspark and it is hinted that he became something even more in this state.

Since his time in the Beast Wars and Beast Machines CGI cartoons, Primal has made some appearances in the comics, several Japanese mangas and animes, and may make a debut in the final season of War for Cybertron.

Out of all of the character in the Transformers lore, I find Primal is the one who had the most growing up to do and he not only did grow up, he stepped out of a large shadow he didn’t even know he was in and became something amazing. He is also one of the few heroes who I initially didn’t like. And even now, I didn’t like the naive, long winded immature person Primal was initially as he did feel like someone who was copying Optimus Prime, but as he grew up and dropped the naivety, my feelings towards him changed (pardon the pun). By the time Beast Machines rolled around, I outright loved him and I loved his newfound spiritual Buddha like approach. He found his own identity and it was inspiring. It was also this version of Primal that convinced me to look at the Transformers as being more than just machines. Showing that they had a religion, a culture and more made me see the Transformers in a new light that stayed with me for life.

I admit he is not like Optimus Prime, but in his defense, you simply cannot compare the two to each other because they are so different and their journeys were different. Prime’s war was more political and social, and he was much older and wiser. Primal was really just a young scientist who was asked to do a job though circumstances dragged him into a battle. With time, that battle became a rebellion. And also, Prime and Primal’s personalities are just vastly different. The very point of each of them is that they are not like each other and that is something to be celebrated not scorned. Optimus Prime was the leader for the team, era and war of his time and Optimus Primal was the leader for the time, era and war of his.

My overall analysis is that I can see why people are not initially endeared by Primal as I myself was one of these fans who wasn’t, but as his life experiences mature him, you fall deeply in love with the person he becomes and I think that was the point of him. I think that the writers purposely made him to rub you the wrong way because he was so immature and I think that makes him a cleverly written character. And also relatable. I’m sure by many people’s standards, we weren’t as likeable when we were immature and had a tendency to talk too much and not listen enough. Perhaps Primal could be seen as a Transformers character who embodies a metaphor for how growing up and gaining wisdom can change a person.

With all that said, Beast Wars and Beast Machine is worth watching thanks to Primal if not for the story, to at least see the journey of Optimus Primal, but that is all my opinion. What is yours?

If you have a Transformers theory or character analysis you want explored, please let me know in my ask box. And please, support me through Patreon or Ko-fi if you want me to make Transformers merch and videos. Or if you want a commission of your favourite bot, let me know in my shop. All links are on my profile page.

Thanks for reading and as always, stay safe.

[popwasabi]

Why I don’t give a fuck about canon

Recently, after randomly coming across some dope pictures of Transformer toys on Instagram that gave me a strong case of nostalgia, I was inspired to revisit an old childhood favorite in “Beast Wars.”

“Beast Wars,” in case you never watched or heard of it as a kid, is the continuation of the Transformer’s story set in the future as descendants of the Auotobots and Decepticons, the Maximals and Predacons, respectively, accidentally travel to prehistoric Earth to continue a centuries long battle between the two opposing factions.

There’s a lot of to digest there, so I’m not going to go into extreme detail over the plot, but the cast features colorful characters such as Optimus Primal, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot and Megatron to name a few. They all have interesting and distinct personalities and generally play well off each other. It was a big part of my childhood and I collected an ungodly amount of their toys back in the day.

(This was my first ever Beast Wars toy and I think it’s beautiful.)

My rewatch though was…a mixed bag to say the least. The graphics have not aged well. The adventure of the week setup of the plot was repetitive and lacked real character development at times. There were characters that were added in last minute to the show clearly to promote a new action figure over the story on numerous occasions. Though I found the humor to still be pretty good, the action was stale and just lacked high stakes most of the time, save for a few episodes.

I was not shocked it didn’t land terribly well on my rewatch but you know what did? “Beast Machines!”

“Beast Machines” was the follow-up to Beast Wars that had the Maximals fighting on Cybertron where Megatron has taken control of the whole planet using a virus that changes Transformers into mindless drones to do his bidding. The remaining Maximals manage to survive however after Optimus discovers The Oracle which reformats them into animal robot hybrids that are both mechanical and biological. This sets them on a quest to stop Megatron and bring biological and mechanical balance to Cybertron once and for all.

The series is much more narrative based than the previous as it follows a steady trajectory to its epic conclusion. The animation is much sharper, and the soundtrack is fun as hell to listen to still. The pacing is much faster as the stakes couldn’t be higher for the Maximals and all the old characters from the previous grow in interesting ways and develop into more organic people (literally in some ways). Optimus is a more hardcore and emotionally damaged leader and Megatron goes from being something of a punchline in the previous series to a far more menacing and calculating nemesis. The story touches on themes of balance, authoritarianism, PTSD, love and reunion to name a few and for a kids’ show it is, dare I say…more than meets the eye.

I absolutely loved it as a kid and I might actually love it even more as an adult, so it was shocking for me, to say the least, when I read further into the history of the show, that a lot of fans straight up rejected it back in the day.

Common complaints I came across were they didn’t like how characters, such as Ratrap especially, “changed.” They didn’t like the new bio/mechanical Maximals and couldn’t believe that Cybertron was once an organic world.

Their big reason (in just about every forum and video I saw about it)? It didn’t adhere to “canon.”

Now, I’ll start this by saying there is no objective way to critique or even not critique a story. People can like or hate something for a variety of reasons that don’t follow a strict logical pattern. Gods know I have a few questionable/divisive favorites in my catalogue that I have written about here that are based on abstract ideas and personal experiences.

(The Matrix Reloaded is still great btw)

But I will say, if you judge a mega franchise’s latest entry on how well it is supported by established canon it is, in my opinion, a flawed way to critique a work of fiction.

Canon, sometimes referred to as “lore” by fans, is most often applied and used to describe the long running back stories of franchises that stretch beyond just the main books, movies or series, or even the original narrative of the plot. Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and to a certain extent Harry Potter, all fall into this camp of series with so many interconnected parts, with more than one main character featured in each, that fans follow along this canon like ancient monks studying scripture and history books.

And they can be just as fanatical and over zealous about it.

(I wish they were more fanatical about proper hygiene or at least deodorant...)

My problem with the ways fans often view canon is that their conceptions of what a new story should be is based entirely on the past rather than what is happening right now with the story and what themes the writer is trying express with it this time. 

They base their impressions of the story on external continuity more than the internal continuity.

Yea, the changes in a series like “Beast Machines” are jarring to say the least. Cybertron was formally an organic world like Earth? Rattrap doesn’t have confidence in himself and actually at one point sells out his comrades? Transformers can be biological now? It’s a lot to take in but when watching the story play out it’s not like these elements aren’t explained through the text of the new story.

Cybertron lost balance between its robot inhabitants and its biological life forms and its why it’s out of balance now, and Megatron is the logical progression of that inbalance. Rattrap is struggling to understand his new form, half his friends on the Maximals have been turned into drones, and the remaining team out loud say they don’t have confidence in him. He has PTSD from both the events of this story and the Beast Wars and feels insecure because of how others view him and that’s perfectly logical to not just the story but also the canon. If a fan is willing to give a story a chance they will see that the canon hasn’t actually been destroyed in much of any way and the logical progression is actually there if they simply listen to what’s going on.

(Seriously, it’s not that deep.)

Fans need to stop confusing a character achieving a franchise long arc with being “suddenly different.” In this way, criticisms of canon in new entries in long running series reveal that fans really just lack imagination to connect the dots. It would be like complaining that Luke Skywalker can’t become paranoid and make a grave mistake in judgment because people never change, nevermind the character already has changed a lot from his origins in “A New Hope” to where he was in “Return of the Jedi.”

(Oh wait, people did do that…)

But that’s not to say you have to like the new direction either. You can understand these changes and still be like “well, it’s not for me. I don’t care for a PSTD angle or a new origin for Cybertron,” but that’s whole lot different than saying the new series “rapes your childhood” or “Bastardizes the canon.” All the old canon you hold nostalgia for still exists. My love for “Beast Machines” is not harmed by the existence of newer Transformers properties that don’t meet what I look for in the series.

Too often, fans take changes to established “lore” very personally because it doesn’t fit their expectations or have the same nostalgic feelings they had before. When new entries in mega franchises occur fans often try to judge it by how much it is like what they watched before, rather what makes it different and what it is saying now. Again, you don’t have to like new directions in tone or character but consistency to established work DOES NOT equal good storytelling.

I have not been immune to this myself in the past, of course. Back in the day I wrote a 2500-plus word diatribe on “The Amazing Spider-man 2” that mostly went after how it changed the character I grew up with in a bad way and butchered the established back story I knew him by.

You know what other story doesn’t follow canon very well though? “Spider-man: Homecoming.”

(Now, hear me out...)

Spider-man in the MCU is generally agreed upon to be a good thing by fans. Both movies were big hits both critically and financially and fans often go as far as to say Tom Holland is the “definitive” Peter Parker. 

But Holland’s Spider-man differs quite a bit from the comic-book webslinger. This Spider-man does not have a spidey sense. His best friend is not Harry Osbourne but in fact a retcon of a Mile Morales character. His father figure is Tony Stark, something that never happened in the comics, instead of Uncle Ben, which no matter what way you spin it is arguably his most important relationship in the series.

His character is a reverse of traditional Peter Parker too. Where comics Peter is a reluctant hero, who if anything hates being Spider-man and the burden of his responsibility, “Homecoming” Spider-man actively seeks out responsibility and in many ways enjoys his role as the famous webslinger. In fact, his whole arc is about him earning a spot as an Avenger. He wants to be THE hero and be worthy of it. It’s completely different from what we know of Spider-man.

(He just wants Tony sempai to notice him uWu)

Now I know some fans actually do complain about this Spidey from a “canon” standpoint, but most don’t. So why did this Spider-man get a pass for many but not “The Amazing” one? Quite simply it’s because stories, as cheesy as it sounds, are about feelings and stories like “Homecoming” tell a good story that effectively make those feelings connect with the audience.

We root for this Peter Parker and his journey to becoming an Avenger and successor to Iron Man because the story is told well, the emotions feel earned, and frankly both films are fun and enjoyable.

It’s easy to complain about canon for many nerds because it’s something tangible that they can point to and make a big stink about when they don’t understand why a movie isn’t reaching them. I don’t doubt that many neckbeards genuinely hate a film like “The Last Jedi” (Hell, I’m not a big fan myself) but when those same nerds enjoy something like “The Mandalorian,” a series that has its own loose relationship with canon and establishing new rules in the series, it tells me it’s not about the “lore” to them.

(Easy, fanboys...)

I have come to understand, in my growth as a nerd, that my problems with a lot of movies and TV shows in my favorite series rarely, if ever, have anything to do with the story not meeting some arbitrary guidelines regarding canon. It has more to with the story simply not connecting with me emotionally. The story isn’t drawing me in and keeping me on its narrative path. I’m not feeling the same magic that someone else might feel enjoying it because either a) it doesn’t feel earned to me or b) it just stylistically isn’t for me.

To paraphrase a line from another mega franchise, also owned by Disney, the canon is more like guidelines than actual rules.

(Didn’t expect to see ol’ Barbosa in this write up, did ye?)

It can show you where a story comes from but it isn’t law that you strictly adhere to it. Of course, when writing a new work in a popular series you should consider what came before it but I would like writer’s the freedom to try something new and most importantly fans to be open to it. You don’t have to like it but the idea that new entries in a story MUST remain strict to the canon is bull shit. Not even the original Star Wars trilogy adhered to its own canon perfectly, as clearly the writers were in fact making it up to a certain extent as they were going along.

(hmmmm...)

And that’s ok, because some of those changes were great! Made the story better and made the conclusion stronger.

Again, you don’t have to like every new entry that tries something bold or confrontational in your favorite franchise but if writers strictly followed canon to the T we wouldn’t have things like “Homecoming,” we wouldn’t have “The Mandalorian,” and we certainly wouldn’t have my favorite Transformers series “Beast Machines.”

Canon shouldn’t be a trap for writers and it shouldn’t be a litmus test for fans digesting it. There are so many better ways to judge a story than whether or not it fits neatly into established lore. A good story is a good story, regardless of whether or not it’s supported by something as static as canon.

“Beast Machines” has its flaws here and there, but canon isn’t one of them, at least not for me. Again, if you feel that the lore is important, that’s fine, you don’t have to ignore it but I would ask you to look beyond what came before when critiquing a new story.

Otherwise, you might miss something special that comes next…

Now then... 

[fnlrndcllctv]

THE YEAR IN FIGHTING GAMES: 1994

As the original release of Street Fighter II turns 30 this year, we are taking a look at the landscape of fighting games between 1991 and 2021 on a year by year basis!

This week, Shaun Eddleston takes a look at 1994…

1994 was an eventful year for video games.

Nintendo was starting to wind down on its production of NES games, while celebrating the success of games such as Super Metroid and Donkey Kong Country on the Super Nintendo. SEGA’s Sonic The Hedgehog series was going strong with Sonic The Hedgehog 3, and games such as DOOM II and Warcraft were making their way onto computers all across the world.

It was also a year where Germany placed Mortal Kombat II on its index of media works deemed harmful to young people by Germany's Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Persons effectively banning the game from sale in the country (and remained that way all the way up to 2005!).

Let’s take a look at 1994 in fighting games...

One of the more obscure Neo Geo titles, Aggressors Of Dark Kombat (known as Tsuukai GANGAN Koushinkyoku in Japan) was an interesting title that felt like a bit of an experiment in the genre. The game’s movement feels more like it would fit into your standard beat ‘em up game such as Final Fight and Streets Of Rage, and even drops weapons into the stage for fighters to use. 

The game also includes a fun comeback mechanic, the “GAN GAN attack”, which kicks in once a player’s health bar drops below a certain point, and their power bar is full. Once one of these mega attacks connects with an opponent, the player automatically wins the round.

Art of Fighting 2 continues the story that kicked off in the previous year’s entry, as we immediately learn that the identity of Yuri’s kidnapper, the tengu masked Mr Karate, is none other than Takuma Sakazaki, Yuri and Ryo’s father. This is all part of a much bigger criminal plot that ends up being spearheaded by a certain young crime lord from another popular SNK fighting title…

As for the game itself, almost every aspect of the Art Of Fighting experience was rebuilt and polished. The character sprites and stage art looked better, and a new “Rage” gauge mechanic was introduced into the mix. All of the game’s characters are immediately playable in arcade mode, and each have their own specific dialogue when interacting with other fighters.

The first 3D weapons-based fighting game was also one of the earlier releases on the Sony PlayStation, and was poised to be the game that would “outshine” the impressiveness of Virtua Fighter’s groundbreaking graphics.

While it didn’t quite beat out SEGA’s franchise, Battle Arena Toshinden still had a couple of interesting aspects to it that are still worth mentioning today. 

First of all, it is arguably the first “true” 3D fighting game, as it included the ability to side-step or dodge roll during a fight. This meant that the act of avoiding projectiles now had more options outside of blocking the hit or jumping over it, giving the game a little more depth (both mechanically and visually).

Thanks to the newly opened up 3D movement, ring outs are also possible in the game, where players can lose a round by simply falling off the side of the stage. This is an element that many gamers see as a bit of a cop out during a fight, but I personally see it as a fun way to humiliate opponents and even bring overly confident fighters back down to earth.

Capcom’s massive success with Street Fighter II was one of the most important moments in video game history, and the game was still going incredibly strong since its release 3 years prior (including this year, which we’ll touch on later in the article). There was a big question that lingered though; what non-Street Fighter fighting game would Capcom bring to the table next?

That game was Darkstalkers: The Night Warriors.

Darkstalkers wasn’t a million miles away from Street Fighter II in terms of gameplay. It utilised the same six-button L/M/H attack layout, and even used a Super Gauge that would be shared with the series.

The main strength of Darkstalkers that set it apart from its more famous older cousin, and that was its characters and theme. Instead of a tournament of worldwide fighters that many 2D fighting games utilised, Darkstalkers took inspiration from classic horror movies from the Universal era and offered a cast of 10 fighters that range from werewolves, sasquatches and vampires to Egyptian mummies, zombies and a Frankenstein’s monster for good measure. 

A spooky cult favourite!

1993’s Fighters History was a controversial entry in the fighting game genre. Not necessarily because of any violent content or especially iffy storyline, but for just how similar the game was to Street Fighter II. It was so similar, in fact, that Capcom attempted to sue Data East for just how much of a shameless ripoff the game was.

Capcom wasn’t successful with the lawsuit, and Data East went forward with a sequel, Fighters History Dynamite.

The game, perhaps more commonly known in some places as “Karnov’s Revenge”, added more characters (including the game’s boss fighters, Karnov and Clown) to the playable roster and spruced up the game's stage backgrounds.

Other than the slightly expanded range of fighters, and a hilarious hidden character to discover, not a lot else has changed from the first title, and still feels like it can’t shake off the original comparison that it got into trouble for.

Many 2D games up to this point were trying to mimic Street Fighter and Fatal Fury’s cartoonish graphics, there wasn’t really anything outside of Mortal Kombat’s digitised graphics that truly felt “next-gen” going into the middle of the decade.

Enter Killer Instinct.

While Rare as a developer was having a fantastic year already, with the success of Battletoads and Donkey Kong Country leaving long lasting impressions on the industry, their fighting game was a revelation in arcades, bringing a mix of 2D gameplay on 3D stages, strong bloody violence and a ridiculous new combo system to the table.

The characters were memorable, the animated FMV sequences were jawdropping to watch, and witnessing the game announce blare out “ULTRA COMBO!” whenever someone nailed a particularly savage sequence of hits just felt right.

Why not check out our thoughts on the game’s “killer” soundtrack?

Inspired by the popularity of Ryo Sakazaki (Art Of Fighting’s main protagonist) and his appearance as a guest character in Fatal Fury Special in 1993, SNK decided to go all out and start a crossover fighting series that brought together characters from their library of past games.

The game, named after the fighting tournament in Art Of Fighting and Fatal Fury, allows players to choose from a selection of 3-member teams that have been designated to different countries of the world, and matches revolve around an elimination system. In addition to a selection of original new characters, KOF ‘94 mixed together the Ikari Warriors, Psycho Soldier, Art Of Fighting and Fatal Fury franchises to fill out one of the largest fighting game rosters around at this point.

The game’s music is the subject of our very first entry in the Soundtrack Sunday series, so check it out!

Of the slew of games that took direct inspiration from Mortal Kombat, very few actually left a lasting impression.

One of the exceptions to this was Primal Rage, which saw stop motion dinosaurs and prehistoric apes duke it out for supremacy in the new “Urth”.

The game, which also took inspiration from Taito’s Dino Rex from 1992, caused its own controversy with one of its fatalities. In 1996, a woman from Arizona said that her 11 year old son had bought the game, and used a strategy guide to execute the “Golden Shower” fatality (in which, as the title suggests, the character Chaos urinates all over the corpse of an opponent). She flipped out and started a grass-roots campaign against Primal Rage, which resulted in some US stores withdrawing copies of the game, including the already-censored SNES version, which didn’t even contain the offending move.

The game was also successful with its merchandise, and saw a line of toys and a board game to accompany it.

The first Samurai Shodown game was, and still is, one of the finest fighting games of the early 90’s, so SNK had a huge task on their hands when it came to creating a sequel.

With Samurai Shodown 2, they absolutely knocked it out of the park in pretty much every aspect. All of the sprites of the characters who reappeared from the first game had been completely remade, a bunch of new characters had been added in, everyone got amazing new moves and a number of new game mechanics were also introduced to make the game feel much more balanced and fun to play.

One of these new mechanics was the “Weapon break” system, which meant that if a player got hit with a particularly powerful attack, there was now a chance that it would knock their weapon clean out of their hands, leaving them unarmed until it was recovered. The sheer panic of scrambling to pick up your sword while the opponent is slashing away at you is a thrill that still feels as effective today as it did back then.

Street Fighter II’s reign as king of the arcade fighting games was starting to wind down by 1994, so the game saw a final upgrade in the form of Super Street Fighter II Turbo, which added more game speeds, new animations and moves for all of the characters, a new “SUPER” gauge system and the introduction of  a hidden character that would quickly become one of the franchise’s most recognisable fighters; Akuma!

While many more casual players may not have felt the real impact of these changes (this was the third update in as many years since the original release), it remains as the “definitive” version of Street Fighter II, and is still used in tournaments to this day.

Developed by Namco (and ported to PlayStation in 1995), Tekken took the 3D fighting style that was pioneered by 1993’s Virtua Fighter, and added its own spin on things in regards to the control system.

Instead of using the traditional fighting game inputs that corresponded to the strength of the attacks, Tekken utilised a system that dedicates a button to each individual limb of the fighter. In doing this, the game became more of a learning process for players that wanted to do special moves and combos. This departure was so innovative, that experienced players could now figure out special moves by studying the fighters limb movements during their animations.

Known briefly as “RAVE WAR” during its beta test stage, Tekken quickly found itself as one of the most popular PlayStation games in history, and became the first game to sell over a million copies for the console.

Take a look at our thoughts about the game’s soundtrack!

Virtua Fighter was an incredibly important moment in gaming, so following up with a sequel that lived up to its predecessor was absolutely vital for SEGA.

Luckily, with Virtua Fighter 2, they managed to not only surpass the first game in the way it looked, but how it played too. Improved movesets ramped up how authentic each individual martial arts/fighting style felt, and with things running at 60FPS in the arcade version, the game felt like it was miles ahead of its competition.

The third entry in the World Heroes series was yet another improvement on the games that preceded it, but considering the sheer amount of solid competition it was facing in 1994, it still fell to the wayside.

The game added two new fighters and added a brand new boss to face off against, but things were starting to feel somewhat dated with the series now, and it suffered as a result.

While there were many action-adventure and side-scrolling beat-’em-ups based on characters from the Marvel universe, it wasn’t until the early 90’s until we got a fully fledged fighting game. It only made sense that Capcom, one of the heaviest hitters in the genre at the time stepped forward to fix this.

Released in arcades in late 1994, X-Men: Children of the Atom established what would become a beloved and fruitful relationship between Capcom and Marvel, and laid the foundations for the successful “Vs.” series that fighting game fans have played for nearly 25 years now.

The game is loosely based on 1993’s “Fatal Attractions” storyline, in which Magneto and his Acolytes return to confront the X-Men, tempting Professor Xavier to cross a moral line to stop them. It’s a pretty insane storyline with some fairly gnarly imagery (one such example sees Wolverine getting the adamantium ripped out of his skeleton!), and the good vs. evil dynamic lends itself perfectly to the setting of an arcade fighting game.

1994’s entries in the genre saw developers starting to take full advantage of the new 3D graphics that SEGA introduced with Virtua Fighter in the wake of a new console generation, while 2D fighting games kept on coming hard and fast to try and best Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat’s popularity.

Join us next week as we take a look at the games of 1995!

Did we miss anything from 1994 that’s worth mentioning?

Let us know in the comments below!

[luna3141]

My Favorite Educational Youtube Channels--

Biographics: exactly what it says on the tin, biographies of infamous people throughout history including the odd fictional or mythological character

NativLang: linguistics channel that tries (and succeeds) to not focus solely on romance languages

Joe Scott: almost has the feel of an upgraded list channel; focuses on everything under the sun (i.e. history, astronomy, philosophy, biology, etc); videos are 10-20min long and packed with information, but it feels more like having a conversation with a friend than sitting in class

SciShow: I MEAN... IT’S SCISHOW! Founded by Hank Green of the Vlogbrothers, it’s a channel dedicated to answering pressing scientific questions, correcting misinformation, and educating the public on problems like climate change that we should all know more about

SciShow Psych: it’s SciShow but with a particular focus on psychology

SciShow Space: take a wild guess

CrashCourse: COVERS LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER WANT TO LEARN ABOUT from classic literature to A.I. to Engineering to Mythology, etc, etc; produced by an ever-growing team of awesome, highly educated people who just want to make education free and easy

PBS Eons: an awesome (albeit, more traditional feeling) channel dedicated to “the history of life on earth;” great place to learn about prehistoric life

Mental Floss: yeah, a lot of this is going to be from the Vlogbrothers, but it’s their fault for making such great educational content; a list show which takes prompts/questions from the audience and turns it into 10min of info you never knew you never knew (still waiting for that Pork Chop Party, btw)

History With Hilbert: take a wild guess; but seriously, if there’s any part of history you aren’t 100% sure on you can probably find a video about it on here that will answer any and all questions and make you think “why didn’t I know that?”

Rare Earth: I’m not even sure how to describe this one other than at first glance it may seem like the videos cover random topics, but when you come up for air three hours later you’ll be not only educated on something you would’ve never picked for yourself, but also deeply moved

CGP Grey: initially introduced to me as a physics channel which has since expanded out to cover a multitude of topics without sugarcoating anything (if that makes sense)

TED-Ed: brought to you by the same people who made TEDTalks comes it’s eager little brother; TED-Ed is quite like CrashCourse in that it covers literally everything, but the videos are on average only a few minutes long, beautifully animated, and narrated by the same three or four lovely voices (warning: this channel can be very relaxing. watch at your own discretion.)

TREY the Explainer: (let’s end this list on a high note!) TREY the Explainer is a channel run by (seemingly) one very educated person, focusing predominantly on anthropology, paleontology, and prehistory as a whole, while also occasionally diverting off their usual path to answer questions like “What IS Bill Cipher?” “What Type of Dinosaur is Godzilla?” and “What are SU Gems?” CANNOT RECOMMEND ENOUGH.

[Please, please feel free to add your own! Let’s make education as accessible as possible. <3]