#The last two lines in this random soliloquy really are all I can think about alongside that

[blackberry-mochi]

A soliloquy while curled up in bed, restless

I should write I don't have work tomorrow, so I should write I should write even a tiny bit Just a tiny bit Or I could sleep I could just go to sleep I want to write, but it's easier to go to sleep Do I even want to write? I think I do It's felt better in the past to write my daydreams down, instead of just dreaming endlessly Share them Express myself But that was back when I had hope and ambition I don't have any of that left in me Nothing left Just a gnawing A gnawing that's always been there, that I quieted for a time, for no good reason I should sleep I can't sleep, though Can't shut up my mind Aching all over, just from lying around Nothing to relax to Only hate and emptiness Nothing to feel okay about Only loneliness and rejection I wish I could sleep I wish I could write I wish I weren't a corpse But whatever I can complain all I want, but nobody should listen Not to an ugly leech like me I wish I were dead Too bad I'm a hypocrite

[edettethegreat]

BONUS ROUND (aka part 1.5)- Some additional things for staging King Lear so that Edmund is 100% more sympathetic

Part 1 

Due to the fact that the audience needs to be told things via physical action makes this job of mine (ie making Edmund more sympathetic) (that I definitely did not have to do) a whole lot more difficult.

I gotta add in some more stage directions to really push the points I’m going for. So that even the dumbest audience member will get my point.

Casting/ Costumes

-Curan, who I have previously decided is the Captain Edmund talks to later, has red hair. Like, a bright shade of red. Since it’s not a common hair color, the audience will be able to recognize that the same servant is now the captain. 

- regarding Cornwall’s costume- This is a very valid example of what I was trying to describe (but like- plus a black jacket)

-Edgar and Gloucester have a very strong family resemblance to each other. Edmund does not. In fact, Edmund looks almost nothing like them. (For example, if Edgar and Gloucester have dark brown hair, Edmund would have light blond hair.) (I know, I know- that’s not necessarily how genetics work. BUT. That’s also not not how genetics work.) 

-EXCEPT. Now hear me out because I’m right. Hear me out. This is good. Edmund and Gloucester share the same, very distinctive, eye color. So that when Gloucester’s eyes get stabbed out, it’s also severing the one strand of a connection he had with Edmund. ✨Symbolism!✨

ACT 1 SCENE 1

-At the start of the scene, the stage already has people on it. It’s like. A party kinda but not really? It’s a royal event- a bunch of noblepeople would be there. The Door (TM) (and by now (assuming you read part 1) you should know that The Door (TM) is one of my favorite set pieces here) is on the stage towards the middle in the back. 

-you can see Gloucester, Kent, and Edmund walking towards it, ie to enter and join the other guests in the room. There is no wall between “behind” the door and in front of it. Only an implied wall created by how the set is set up. So you can still see them. 

Here’s a not-so-helpful illustration:

I do recognize how unhelpful that illustration is. I’m sorry. 

-As they approach the door, Gloucester pauses, waiting. Kent stands behind him- waiting to see what he’s waiting for. As you’ve guessed by now, this Earl of Gloucester is waiting for his bastard son to open the door for him. (Headcanon that Gloucester treats Edmund like a servant 99% of the time. Headcanon that Edmund would rather be a servant, because at least servants can quit their jobs.)

-Edmund opens it. Kent’s just like “what- what just happened?”. But Gloucester enters, and Edmund seems to be waiting for him to enter as well, and so he does. (It was this, combined with everything I wrote in Part 1, that makes Kent ask “Is not this your son, my lord?”, ie ??he’s not a servant tho?? Why, Gloucester?? Why are you like this??)

-As I mentioned earlier (I think- Unless I was just planning on mentioning it, and I didn’t actually get around to doing so) (I don’t exactly write these things in order), Extras are already on stage. The whole stage has a “ah yes this is an upper class event. The people here are all fancy rich people” vibe. 

-As Gloucester has his epic conversation with Kent, other less high ranking noblemen stand around them as well.  They don’t say anything or join in- probably because they’re less higher ranking.I know nothing about the hierarchy of English nobility, but let’s just say that Gloucester and Kent are pretty high ranking people.

-anyway the only purpose of doing that is for the “make Gloucester 100% more of a jerk” aspect of this. 

-ie, he’s not just insulting Edmund in private, or in front of a close friend of his. He’s insulting him in public, in front of all the random noblemen. 

-everything else I wrote in Part 1 about this scene stays the same.

ACT 1 SCENE 2

-Edmund stands by the desk as he talks to Edgar. (As you’d remember from part 1, he was sitting at the desk as he started his 2nd soliloquy).

-at “Some villain hath done me wrong!” Edgar slams his hands down on the desk. Edmund backs away as he says his lines “That’s my fear....”. He sees that Edgar is really angry (yeah, no kidding.), and is like “oh.... oh he would not hesitate to kill me with his bare hands at the moment.”

ACT 2 SCENE 1

-at “and of my land?..... loyal and natural boy, I’ll work the means to make thee capable”, Gloucester is still facing away from Edmund/ not looking at him. He motions vaguely to him at the words “loyal and natural..”. The line is said in a way making it clear that by it he’s actually saying “well Edgar’s not a valid heir to my stuff anymore, what’ll I do with my land??.... ah, I guess Edmund will have to get them. Oh well.”

ACT 2 SCENE 2

-Not exactly a stage direction, but a second reason for why “his” in the sentence “no more, perchance, does mine, nor his, nor hers” is referring to Gloucester and not Edmund:  Kent’s response to this is “I have seen better faces in my time”, so “his” can’t be Edmund, since practically the first thing Kent says about Edmund in Act 1 Scene 1 is “hmmm yes that is a Nice Looking person”

-I’m revising what I said in part 1 (mainly just about where Edmund is standing on stage/ where everyone is standing on stage)- I’m changing this scene to be more in favor of @suits-of-woe​’s Cornwall Theory. (HEY PEOPLE, GO READ THE CORNWALL THEORY. I don’t just link it here for fun- I link it so you all can go read it)

-SO

-just to reiterate what I said last time about this scene- Edmund enters to break up Kent and Oswald’s fight with a sword (more specifically- Edgar’s two handed sword that he just used to fight Edgar and stab himself with). His arm is wounded from that one time about two seconds ago when he stabbed it. It’s been bandaged. He’s holding the sword well enough, but it’s clear that he wouldn’t be able to actually fight anyone with it.

-NOW MOVING ON TO NEW STUFF

-at “..come, I’ll flesh ye..”, Kent draws his sword and challenges Edmund. (Wait. His sword’s already drawn, right? Ok then nevermind, he just challenges Edmund.)

-Gloucester, Cornwall, and Regan Enter, and walk a bit onto the stage.

-At “Weapons! Arms! What’s the matter here??”, Gloucester notices the fight and takes like 5 steps away from it. It’s clear that he’s like “nope nope nope not dealing with this today-”

-Regan stays where she is. She’s not particularly scared of the fight, and knows that neither Kent nor Oswald would dare injure her, considering she’s literally the king’s daughter.

-Cornwall, however, at his lines of “Keep peace, upon your lives! He dies that strikes again!” moves to stand in between Edmund and Cornwall- ie facing Cornwall, in a way that would be protecting Edmund. He also is confident neither Kent nor Oswald would hurt him- he’s higher ranking than both of them.

(Illustrated for your convenience) (Scribbled out Edmund bc I didn’t know how tall to make him)

-Cornwall can see clearly that Edmund is in no condition to fight (at least not with a two handed sword). As the next few lines are said, Cornwall takes the sword from Edmund, in a “don’t worry about this- I got this” sort of way. He gently pushes Edmund towards where Gloucester and Regan are standing- in the same sort of way; showing “hey. I’ll deal with this. It’s not your job to defend us. Go chill with the rest of The Group.”

 ACT 3 SCENE 3

-remember when I said Gloucester is angry in this scene?

-yeah well I gotta really push that point using some ✨stage directions✨ rather than just “Gloucester yells a lot”

-ANYWAY

-The Door (TM) is turned sideways for this scene, and Gloucester and Edmund enter from the side of the stage

Here’s a totally helpful illustration 

-Gloucester is clearly angry, Edmund is Hiding His Emotions (TM). 

-Gloucester starts his lines while he grabs the doorknob and forcefully opening the door. As Gloucester storms on to the main part of the stage, he slams the door behind him, right before Edmund could walk through it after him. Because of course, Gloucester has to forget that Edmund exists at lest once a scene. Edmund stands outside the door for a sec, as if saying “......wow.”. Then he enters and joins Gloucester inside. 

ACT 5 SCENE 3

-As Albany says “Half blooded fellow, yes!”, last time I wrote that Edmund is momentarily surprised, then glares at him. This time I’m here to change this a bit-

At first I was picturing it like This:

But then I was like, “no,, that won’t make Edmund 100% more sympathetic- that would only make him like 65% more sympathetic.” 

-anyway, we gotta raise Albany’s aggression level. Because if they’re equally aggressive to each other The Audience might just. Not get it. They won’t get that we’re out here trying our hardest to make ya sympathize with Edmund.

-So. And Hear me out. Because this DOES have a point. I’m gonna get to it. So to raise Albany’s aggression levels here, Albany grabs Edmund’s tie or jabot (whatever neck piece the costume has. I don’t care how historically accurate the costumes are) and pulls him towards him (in like. An aggressive Way.) He lets go as soon as he finishes saying that one line- he only did it to prove he was serious about challenging Edmund. Either way, he did It in a more pulling forward motion than a grabbing on motion, and so now Edmund is standing on the other side of Albany. (Was this basically just a way for me to change where Edmund is standing? Maybe.)

-now that Edmund is standing on the other side of Albany, the scene continues as I wrote it out in part 1- ie Edmund glares at Albany. Except Albany is no longer standing in front of him (ie facing him). 

Here’s an illustration to help out-

So far, Edmund never glared at anyone (or showed his anger in general) straight to a person’s face. He always only lets his mask fall when he’s alone or when the subject of his anger can’t see him. So now it’s more consistent- their positions on the stage changed so that Edmund can still glare at Albany, and also doesn’t have to drop his act.

-AND THAT’S IT-

 (-FOR NOW-)

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #211: ... By Force of MIND!

September, 1981

THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH!

Oh hey, Dazzler, Hercules, Black Widow, Moon Knight, Angel from X-Men, Yellowjacket, Black Panther, Tigra, and Hawkeye?

Are you joining Captain America, Wasp, Beast, Thor, and Iron Man as the new Avengers?

Is this going to be the next biggest roster since the Korvac Saga?

Possibly! Jim Shooter is back and he was the guy behind that story.

Jim Shooter is very back, something the creative credits make sure you don’t miss.

“Joyfully welcome back long-time star Avengers scribe, me, Jim Shooter -- ‘cause I’m writing these credits, and, also I’m the boss!”

Charming. Non-facetiously.

It has similar energy to the ol’ Stan Lee introductions. And is probably just as much a pretense. Eh.

So the story “... By Force of MIND!” starts in the Avengers conference room.

And penciler Gene Colan sure has interesting ideas what that should look like.

We’ve seen the Avengers’ conference room a couple times in various books. They tend to have a grand conference table with assigned chairs?

Look at this one from Avengers Annual #10.

Or the one just as recently as last issue #210.

Pretty big overall. Suitably grand.

But the conference room has apparently been redecorated because it looks different. The personalized chairs are still there.

But the table is puny. It looks like the Young Avengers table at Thanksgiving. Set up off to the side for all the kids. Its dinky. It doesn’t look like all the Avengers can fit around it.

Which possibly supports Captain America’s point when he decides that the Avengers roster needs to be trimmed down to only six.

All those people on the cover are going to be really disappointed to hear this.

Captain America: “The Avengers have a habit of playing for high stakes! I believe that a lean, close-knit group is better... stronger!”

Beast goofs that they’ll need explosives to dislodge him from the team.

Also, there’s a trapeze on the roof of the conference room. Why. I mean, I know why. Your acrobatic characters need to be casually acrobatic at random times or they’ll be bummed out. But also why.

Wonder Man isn’t as bothered. Even after all this time on the team, he doesn’t feel like he’s ever really belonged here doing this hero stuff.

Vision and Scarlet Witch are selling themselves as a package deal. You get both or you get neither.

Captain America gives the Avengers some time to rest and think but they’ll reconvene at 1600 for the new roster announcement.

So there’s 9 people in or adjacent to the Avengers. Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Beast, Jocasta, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Wonder Man, and Wasp. Three are gonna have to go.

All of this possibly getting fired, gives a pretty dour attitude (except for Wasp who doesn’t seem very concerned and probably doesn’t have a reason to be. Would you want to tell Wasp that she’s fired? I wouldn’t). Beast decides to lighten things up.

By causing problems on purpose.

So Beast bounces through the crowd of Avengers, jostling them all, and stealing Wonder Man’s glasses. Who hates having his glowing eyes show.

Scarlet Witch: “What on-- !? Beast! You crazy -- !”

Beast: “Moi? Crazee? Begging your pardon, mademoiselle witch. I am merely, how you say... playful! So, like gimme some space to be a jerk in, you know? Okay?”

At least he knows he’s being a jerk??

And then he runs off with Wonder Man’s glasses, goofing all the way.

Wonder Man: “Come on, you lame-brained blue-furred buffoon!”

Beast: “Hmmf! I’ll have you know, sir, that I am a highly intelligent blue-furred buffoon. I hole a dozen PhDs! I speak fifty-three languages... but I tell you, I don’t get no respect! Wanna hear me say ‘eat my dust, jocko,’ in Latverian?”

In the face of all this buffoonery, Wasp still doesn’t really care.

She decides the done thing is to go get her hair done for the big meeting. And sure this is short notice but she’s Janet Van Dyne. She’s going to have a movie starlet’s appointment bumped for her.

Scarlet Witch reflects that maybe the reason Jan isn’t worried about the possibility of being cut is that the Avengers aren’t her whole life. She has other stuff going on. A husband. A fashion line. The fabulous existence of being Janet Van Dyne.

Jocasta comes and tries to ask Vision for advice. Even after her big focus story, she still feels like an outsider. And she doesn’t have a life outside the Avengers. So unlike her brain donor Wasp, she is very worried about getting kicked out.

Jocasta: “You’ve learned to fit in, even though you’re a robot, as I am. Please... help me to...”

Vision: “I beg your pardon, Jocasta. I am a synthezoid, not a robot! As such, I am a perfect meld of computer microcircuitry and living, synthetic flesh! In all ways I am a fully functional man! I have a wife -- who needs me now! I cannot help you with your dilemma.”

And then Vision peaces out of this conversation by flying through the ceiling. Even though he’s going to join Wanda who is in an adjacent room. Ya weird, Vision.

You’re also massively unhelpful whenever anyone asks you for advice.

This is fully the second time Jocasta has asked him for advice. At least he didn’t trash the room in an angst ‘I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS AHHHH I MISS WANDA’ tantrum this time.

Jocasta is left alone. Which basically sums up her time in this book. Poor, poor robot. She’s so lonely she goes off on an existential soliloquy right outside Vision and Wanda’s room. Which is a bit passive aggressive. But hey. Superheroes.

Jocasta: “Are you truly so much different, Vision? So much better than I? I know that my voice rings metallic... but yours is cold hollow and emotionless!”

“I have built-in sensors! I can see! I can hear! I can feel! I function well enough? Don’t I? Don’t I? What does it take to be alive?”

“Does it take warm flesh? Am I merely animated because I am made of metal? I did not choose to be what I am!”

“I am what Ultron made me! Ultron -- the evil robot nemesis of the Avengers! He made you too, Vision -- reconstructed you from a long-dead android body! Both of us rebelled against his evil! Both of us sided with the Avengers!”

“Why, then, am I less than you? Is it because you are loved... and I am alone? Ultron... loved me...”

;__;

Poor robot lady.

I do wonder why the Avengers have been so indifferent to her presence. She did come to them during a chaotic moment in the team history. Vision was based on Wonder Man who wasn’t on the team while Jocasta had to coexist with Wasp from day 1.

There’s also that while both she and Vision are angsty robots that turned against Ultron, Vision (despite his famous “even an android can cry” moment) tends to be more performative with his angsts. He sulks. He broods. He smashes furniture.

Jocasta sits quietly and sadly in the background. Makes tentative stabs at companionship but backs off without ever causing a fuss. Different socialization rules for the robot genders possibly?

The good news is that modern Jocasta has learned to assert herself a lot more. She’s been a delight in the Dan Slott Iron Man book.

Anyway. Hopefully that line about Ultron doesn’t foreshadow anything. Its going to be really dumb if Jocasta brings back Ultron because the Avengers treat her with all the attentiveness of the fridge (although she may still legally qualify as one depending on how much of the Henry Peter Gyrich’s nonsense has stuck around).

Time for a sudden, drastic tone shift!

Beast exits stage Avengers Mansion, pursued by Wonder Man.

He hides up a tree like a rocket belt isn’t something Simon has or the ability to jump hella high.

But Wonder Man takes neither of those options. Instead he karate chops the tree down in one stroke. Which is impressive but I imagine Tony Stark is going to be annoyed. That tree was part of the landscaping!

Not expecting this, Beast falls out of the tree complaining that cutting down trees is illegal in New York. Wonder Man catches him and takes his sunglasses back.

Beast: “You grabbed me! But nobody’s fast enough to do that!”

Wonder Man: “People think I’m just strong! Everybody forgets that I have instantaneous reflexes and blinding speed! To me, the world looks like its moving in slow motion!”

I feel like if Wonder Man was Actually Fast all along, he’s not been getting much use out of it, considering how often he takes dumb hits in fights.

And then Wonder Man hurls Beast into the sky.

Like. Really high into the sky.

Beast: “omigosh! omigosh! omigosh! He’s nuts! He’s crazy! He’s -- who cares about him?! I’m dead! He killed me over a crummy prank! For stealing his glasses I get to end up as a blue blotch on the street. My girlfriends won’t recognize me! I can���t look! Wait a minute! This is serious! This is for real! I’m falling at hundreds of miles per hour! Nothing can save me! I’m really going to die! Like this?! I’m going to die like this?! NO!”

Wonder Man: “Relax, Beast. You’re in good hands with Wonder Man!”

Beast: *Whuff*! You -- you caught me! But that’s like catching a bullet.”

Wonder Man: “Told you I moved quick!”

Beast: “thanks. You’re a decent guy for a common ruffian, Wondy!”

I mean, he also threw you straight up, Beast. Is it so impressive that he caught you?

But with the disproportionate response to a prank by making Beast think he’s going to horribly die, Wonder Man sort of apologizes and says he’s going to miss hanging out with Beast.

See, Wonder Man isn’t going to hang around hoping he gets to stay on the team. He’s actually decided to quit. As has been Wonder Man’s thing for a while, he just doesn’t enjoy the superhero life.

He’s always struggling with insecurity and dislike of throwing himself into deadly danger a dozen times a week.

In fact, he wasn’t too broken up when Henry Peter Gyrich kicked him off the team. Back when he got super into the idea of becoming an actor. He even said at time “If I can get used to playing roles on a stage - maybe I’ll feel more comfortable in my role as superhero!”

Except, as we saw in the Shadow Lord/Berserker two-parter, Wonder Man hasn’t gotten used to playing roles on a stage.

And we’ve seen that his Avengers responsibilities are getting in the way of his acting opportunities. So. Not a surprise he’s going to leave the team as long as the roster is being rearranged anyway.

Wonder Man asks if Beast likes that superhero life of facing death all the time.

Beast: “Frankly, I never really actually considered the possibility of dying... until a minute ago. But think of the fun, glamour and girls, Simon! This is the life!”

Wonder Man: “Is that stuff really enough for a guy as smart as you, Hank? The way I see it being a hero doesn’t make you a person any more than having power makes you a hero.”

Beast: “Yeah. But pigs make good pork chops so I’m staying!”

I’m not really sure what Simon is getting at here. I think its something about finding yourself?

As the time for the meeting draws minutes away, Completely Normal Doctor Donald Blake arrives at the mansion by cab. The cabdriver wondering what a guy like Blake is doing at Avengers Mansion. This Completely Normal Cab Driver is tempted to snoop but goes naw!

If he had snooped, he may have seen Completely Normal Doctor Donald Blake turn into the Mighty Thor and head into the mansion.

Here’s a funny thing, Thor claims that the reason why he talks to himself so much is out of protest that there’s just not enough heralds in Midgard to tell people how cool he is.

Thor: “Thus, the mortal facade is stripped away -- and thus, once again Thor treads the Earth! Thor, god of Thunder, Prince of Asgard! Thor, son of Odin! Bah! That the son of Odin must so proclaim himself -- ! Are there no heralds about? Nay... never when thou needest one! Unannounced, I enter this Earthly ‘mansion,’ poorer than the least dwelling in Asgard!”

Thor also wonders to himself that if he is chosen to take part in the new Avengers roster, will he choose to remain with them? One presumes he has a lot of Thor business going on. That’s why he left the team back when Moondragon was temping with them. She convinced him he was slumming by hanging with the Avengers.

OH. MEANWHILE. That Completely Normal Cab Driver?

He is seized by a strange compulsion. He parks his cab in an alley, takes off his clothes and -- MOON KNIGHT?

Inside, the Avengers are assembling for their meeting to find who is fired or not. Except they’ve decided to give the rinky conference room table a pass and are instead sitting around in a room with even fewer chairs and a table less conducive to holding a meeting.

Lateral move.

I’m wondering whether there was some miscommunication between writer and artist or what.

Cap tells the Avengers to find a place to sit (when there is only one visible chair) when Jarvis interrupts.

Moon Knight has shown up and demands to see the Avengers. And the automatic defenses that should have stopped him seem to have been switched off.

Moon Knight insists that the Avengers summoned him. That he was forced to come to the mansion. Which comes as news to the Avengers.

And then a whole bunch of other superheroes show up claiming that they were also forced to come here.

Hi Hercules, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Angel, Yellowjacket, Dazzler, Tigra, Black Panther, and Iceman!

So that explains the cover.

Wow, a cover that didn’t even lie!

There’s a hustle and bustle of the various superheroes complaining about being here because they had better things to be doing. Black Panther is late for a meeting to speak with the UN Security Council!

And Dazzler complains because its too cold to sit next to Iceman. And Iceman is just like ‘it be like that.’

Oh and Tigra seems to decide to get in some impromptu yoga. Don’t know what the deal with that is. But cats be like that sometimes.

Moon Knight sees all these heroes here and comes to the conclusion that this is some weird Avengers membership drive. But he is very not interested in this!

Yeah, I don’t know that a mysterious vigilante who mostly operates in the shadows would be a good match for a public superhero team.

Cough.

Iceman too is like sorry but I’m not into the hero stuff. I was on the Champions. I did my time!

So he and Moon Knight turn to leave. Iceman saying he’s going to need to find a cab and Moon Knight clearing knowing that he’s going to be picking up that fare.

But when they get near the door, the two freeze.

I realize that Iceman is involved so I mean that they suddenly stopped moving.

And they get super belligerent at each other and start fighting. With Iceman expositing about his skills. Which is normal for a comic. But seems a bit weird in the context of whats going on.

Iceman: “I feel compelled to explain how my X-Men training helped me to get the most out of my mutant ability to freeze the moisture in the air!”

And he freezes the ground under Moon Knight’s feet so he slips like a doofus.

But when he goes to finish the fight, Iceman’s head suddenly starts to hurt. Which he says is like someone else is in his head with him. He can’t think clearly enough.

While Iceman is distracted, Moon Knight throws some of his moonerangs at Iceman who blocks them. But neither can continue as the pain in their heads incapacitates them both.

Yellowjacket: “Wait a minute! I know who must be behind this! That arrogant self-styled g-- *uhh*”

And Yellowjacket freezes in place, as if in a trance.

The Avengers are concerned but Angel suddenly starts flying around the room, saying he can’t resist, he just has to flyyyyyy

Which apparently offends Tigra for some reason. Some mysterious reason. How mysterious.

Angel: “The Angel’s in the air! Watch me do my stuff!”

Tigra: “So, you think you’re pretty special, huh, Wings? Well, you’re just another bird to Tigra, the She-Cat -- and cats eat birds!”

Angel: “Sounds wild -- ! But you’ve got to catch me first!”

Tigra: “I will Bird-Man! I will -- with my nice, sharp claws! And, once I do, I’m plenty strong enough -- to tear your precious little wings right off!”

Eeeeeeeeesh. Well that’s retroactively a sore subject. Angel has his wings badly injured during the Mutant Massacre storyline and they end up amputated, sending him into a depression. And then stuff happens stuff happens, its his college roommate Cameron Hodges’ fault, Apocalypse gives Angel metal murder wings.

But in the here and now before that series of events, we must assume something similar to the sudden antagonism between Moon Knight and Iceman.

Something weird is going on and stating out loud that you’ve figured out what just gets you put in a trance.

Of course, I know what’s going on because I peeked ahead so I’ll just go ahead and tell you its M- *uhh*

Hahah, just kidding! Can you imagine, though? Anyway, its Moondragon.

She’s lurking behind the Avengers watching them watch this nonsense. They don’t notice her because she’s decided she doesn’t want them to. Until she does.

But before that, hey, time to call out Beast.

Beast: “Hey-- ! That’s not a costume! Tigra’s for real! She’s like a cat ... covered with fur -- like me! I should be thrilled, I guess... But instead, I find it vaguely unsettling!” 

Look, furries can’t judge furries for being furry. Its the law.

Anyway, Moondragon lets the Avengers notice her and they turn around and go ‘oh ffs its Moondragon’ more or less.

Moondragon: “I sensed your need for order... for organization! So I returned!”

Iron Man: “What?! What right do you have to interfere?”

Moondragon: “Why, divine right, naturally!”

You may not like her but you have to admire her confidence.

She recaps her backstory a bit, including her belief that she’s Actually A Goddess of Mind. Because she was raised by the demigods of Titan and she’s super psychic.

I’m not sure how super psychic. I don’t think she and Jean Grey, for example, have ever locked horns. And Jean Grey is kind of the byword for super psychic.

She’s at least psychic enough that she gave Daredevil his vision back. I think that’s psychic?

I do wonder how Moondragon stacks up on the Grey scale. But not enough that I want that kind of dick waving contest between the Avengers and X-Men. There’s enough of that already.

So after explaining how great she is the Avengers basically react with ‘oh ffs, we did not miss this’ and ask what this has to do with this circus.

Moondragon: “Come now, Iron Man! Who better than I to bring order to the tangled affairs of this company? When last I left this august assemblage, my status was still Avenger-on-call -- meaning that I would aid you in times of dire need! I am needed now! -- And so I am here!”

Iron Man: “Swell.”

I think I’ve actually missed her advanced state of arrogance. Or maybe I’m just charitably inclined to her because she and Phyla-Vell got back together and alive in the current Guardians of the Galaxy run.

Anyway, Hawkeye has not missed her advanced state of arrogance and decides to peace out. He’s got an actual paying job to do and he’s late for work because Moondragon dragged him out here.

Moondragon tells him he can go. FOR HIS FATE LEADS HIM AWAY FROM THE AVENGERS FOR NOW!

Hawkeye: “Baldy, if you’re so hot why couldn’t you figure that out without dragging me across town?”

Good point, Hawkeye.

Honestly? I think she did it to troll you.

Black Widow and Black Panther also take off. Black Panther to his UN thing and Black Widow back to her job with SHIELD.

Moondragon doesn’t stop them. So I’m guessing their fates also lead them away from the Avengers for now. But. Why bring them? They didn’t do anything?

Moondragon, were you just padding out the numbers for a more exciting cover? Dammit, Moondragon!

Hawkeye is Hawkeye and thus extra extra so he shoots a suction cup arrow at a helicopter to hitch a ride instead of taking a taxi. And as he dangles from it, he muses melancholic about what Black Widow and he once had. And ironically, Black Widow is also thinking about him and sure that he doesn’t care for her anymore.

Womp womp.

Inside the mansion, Moondragon decides to continue, to the protests of Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America.

So she yells SILENCE! and paralyzes them, just like with Yellowjacket.

The assorted crowd of everyoen else fusses and wonders what to do but Moondragon takes charge and demands that Dazzler show her stuff.

Or rather:

Moondragon: “You use your gift frivolously... as part of a musical act! Please demonstrate!”

That’s... a way to request that, yes.

Dazzler doesn’t like her tone but decides to demonstrate anyway. Cranking her pocket radio and converting the sound waves into a dazzling light show.

Dazzler: “I.... uh. Also skate! Not much of a power, huh?”

Moondragon: “Hmm! Greater than you suspect... but i sense that your desire to be a minstrel is deep and sincere!”

Minstrel? Really? Psychics have no excuse for not knowing the right word.

I’m getting a real mixed vibe from Moondragon talking to Dazzler. Its like she’s being condescending and complimentary at the same time.

But since she senses that Dazzler just wants to do disco stuff, she tells her that she can go.

Dazzler isn’t sure whether to leave the Avengers to deal with this or as she thinks “Baldy’s rap sounds real cool but this scene is definitely tense!” but Scarlet Witch tells her it will be alright.

So Dazzler goes. “When the Scarlet Witch says go -- I go!”

Dazzler knows the score.

With Dazzler gone, Moondragon is like ‘welp lets get back on with it’ but Scarlet Witch has had it.

Scarlet Witch: “Enough! We demand that you cease this outrage! We can make our own decisions.”

Moondragon: “Can you? Some of you would choose to stay out of force of habit... or loneliness... or fear of failure in the world beyond these walls! You are children! It is far better that I choose!”

And now Iron Man has had enough. And has also had an idea.

While his body may have been paralyzed by Moondragon, a lot of his armor functions are thought activated because, hey, I don’t see a lot of buttons on him, do you?

So all he has to do is think WHOOOSHy thoughts and WHOOOSH he goes, flying through the ceiling of Avengers Mansion. For once, it is Tony Stark who destroys Tony Stark’s home.

And once he’s outside Avengers Mansion, he is apparently far enough outside her range that he can now move. And since “brainwaves are electromagnetic in nature” he turns on his built-in transceiver to emit a microwave psionic jamming signal.

Which is something that he just can do!

The effect of which is that it’ll make Moondragon “feel like she’s got static on every channel!”

Sure!

Kind of reminds me of the First Foundation’s anti-psychic defenses they made against the Second Foundation. Ah, classic sci-fi. Sometimes it teaches us things like how to fight specifically Moondragon.

Moondragon is sure that she can overcome the jamming if she can just regain her concentration but...

With psychic frequencies jammed, the paralyzed Avengers start to spring into action.

So she just puts up a force field. Projected from her spaceship in Earth orbit and activated with a remote control in her glove.

Aside from the other things I’ve given Moondragon, I’ll also give her this: she came prepared.

Moondragon: “Why must you resist me so? Why can you not simply acknowledge that you need my godly guidance? We are wasting valuable time! I have yet another group of candidates to summon... but I cannot dally here much longer!”

I really want to know who her B Squad would have been.

But with the Avengers trying to break down her force field and Iron Man swooping back in to help, Moondragon decides ‘hey fuck this actually’ and teleports away.

Moondragon: “By the braided ring! How naive... how foolish you are! Perhaps I am wasting my time on your petty affairs! All right then -- enough! Have it your way! I am needed elsewhere in the galaxy! Farewell!”

And she doesn’t die on the way back to her home planet.

I do like that she recontextualizes the scenario as being actually this is a waste of her time and she’s just throwing pearls before swine. She’s going to go somewhere that appreciates the work she’s doing out of the goodness of her heart.

She is horrible. And like with Emma Frost, I just kinda appreciate that in a character.

With Moondragon not here to force people to stay, Thor tells all the non-Avengers to fuck off. Not very gracious, Thor. They were forced to come.

Iceman leaves and reminds everyone and me that his life goal is actually to be an accountant. Something I’m surprised by every time I hear it.

He even offers to help the Avengers with their budgets or tax forms. Heck of a guy.

Angel also leaves but muses that he kind of hates to.

Angel: “I... sort of hate to leave! I haven’t really done much with my life since the Champions broke up! -- Besides hang around with the X-Men a little! I never thought about becoming an Avenger --! Maybe I ought to!”

This is the thought process that will probably lead him to form X-Factor and that road leads to Cameron Hodge and Angel becoming Archangel. Dammit, Moondragon!

Although, the X-Man I really want on an Avengers team is Cyclops. He’s so defined by being an X-Man and by being a leader of X-Men, I want to see what he does on a team that already has plenty of leaders. I want to see if he goes through a weird character transformation like Beast and becomes relentlessly chill.

Alas.

Anyway, Tigra speaks up and says “I gather that you guys weren’t really looking for new members, but now that I’m here... uh, any chance?”

Cap is dubious because he doesn’t know a thing about Tigra (except that he gave her clothes to Patsy Walker) but Hercules is like hey we all saw how she tried to beat up Moondragon, that shows she has mettle.

Plus, there are Avengers that Hercules knows nothing about, which is totally the same thing.

Hercules: “You, for instance! You are called Wonder Man, though in sooth, I know not why!”

Wonder Man: “Really? Well, I... I’m as strong as Thor... almost...”

Hercules: “Eh? What?! HAVE AT THEE, THEN!”

And then he punches Wonder Man through a wall.

God, I love Hercules.

And then he tries to wrassle him, just pleased as all get out that Wonder Man is still conscious after Hercules gave him a big punch. “What fun!”

Wonder Man is less pleased.

Wonder Man: “Why are you doing this? Why are you attacking me for no reason?”

Hercules: “Men must brawl to know one another! How better to learn the measure of a man -- ? And what greater gift can a man give another than the thrill, the glory, the joy of battle? I am a friendly fellow who would often give this gift -- but, alas, most mortals are too frail to receive it. You are not, though! You and I may batter freely!”

Hercules just wants to punch people to be friendly but poor guy is just too swole for most men. He needs a real sturdy friend to beat the shit out of.

Wonder Man squirms out of the wrassle and clocks Hercules through a different wall. As the Avengers just watch like ‘yup this is the kind of day this has been.’

Hercules is in good spirit about being clocked through a wall and decides that now he and Wonder Man are friends and that Wonder Man is truly worthy to be an Avenger.

Wonder Man sheepishly mentions that actually he was quitting to pursue a career in acting and WHY HERCULES LIKES THAT JUST AS WELL!

Hercules: “Acting? Why of late, Hercules has kept company with those mortals known as the ‘jet set.’ I know many producers and directors! Come, I’ll introduce you to them! And the women, friend Wonder Man!”

Captain America, bemused: “you meet some strange folks in this business.”

There’s an non-existent Wonder Man and Hercules Take Hollywood Buddy Comedy Book and its a crime that its non-existent.

Geez, Marvel. GEEZ.

Anyway, that’s Wonder Man gone. Out of one buddy comedy into another.

Tigra reminds the Avengers that she’s still here and still wants to be in the Avengers.

Tigra: “Yeah... uh, back to my little problem... I’ve been at loose ends for a while... and I really want to belong somewhere! I know I could cut it as an Avenger! Please?”

This time, the objection is that the Avengers just don’t have room for a new person. They were trying to pare back! Not recruit!

But Beast interjects and reveals he is also leaving.

Beast: “Wondy and I had a talk this morning that started me thinking -- and I hate to admit it, but a couple of things Moondragon said hit home! You know, I used to be a scientist! I used to have a future besides my next gag and tomorrow night’s date! I want to see if there’s anything left of Hank McCoy besides a ‘blue-furred buffoon!’“

Hank’s early character beats on the Avengers were him struggling to find what his place on the team would be. He couldn’t be the strongest with Iron Man or Thor on the team. He couldn’t be the smartest with Iron Man again, Black Panther, or Yellowjacket. Wonder Man joining the team. Wonder Man joining the team gave Beast someone to be there for and with. But mostly Beast’s tenure has been kind of... party time for him. He’s been the fun member of the team. Going out to parties and juggling multiple dates and telling jokes.

Its been a fun time for Beast but he’s not really been living up to his potential And there were times he could have become the scientist on the team again. Or helped as one. Yellowjacket hasn’t been on the team as a core member for a bit. But he stuck in his role as the team clown.

Like with Thor, Moondragon has convinced Beast that he’s been sort of slumming it with the Avengers and now he’s gotta go rethink his character.

Where does this lead him? Why, he’s going to join the Defenders! And going to try to get that non-team team more organized like a team team. Is this a good thing? I don’t know, I haven’t read a lot of Defenders! Hopefully the Defenders podcast I listen to gets to that point soon!

But Beast isn’t the only one Moondragon has swayed.

Vision and Scarlet Witch likewise announce that they’re quitting the Avengers.

Vision: “Perhaps we will not succeed in finding a place among ordinary people -- but we must try!”

So perhaps influenced as well by the conversation Wanda had with Jan where Wasp wasn’t worried about losing her spot on the team. Which Wanda attributed to Jan having a life outside the Avengers. And apparently Wanda and Vision have been afraid to try for that. Until Moondragon dunked on her for it.

Geez. If there’s anything Moondragon is good at, its getting Avengers to quit the team. She got Thor and Hellcat last time. This time she got Beast, Vision, and Scarlet Witch.

So there’s room for Tigra now but also too much room. They were aiming for six and even with Tigra, they’d only have FIVE THERES ONLY FIVE CLEARLY.

Jocasta, in the background: -saddest robot in the world-

Yellowjacket shrugs and decides to rejoin as a full-time member to get the number up to six. His research hasn’t been going great lately anyway so he has time in his schedule.

Feeling overlooked, just like last issue, which was a filler which was supposed to address the Avengers overlooking her, Jocasta decides to slink away. Just leaps out the window and runs away from home.

Jocasta: “They didn’t even notice me... didn’t count me! Was it an oversight? Or had everyone already made up their minds that I would be one of those eliminated? What difference does it make? I am nothing to them! They do not want me here! Maybe I’ll find someplace where I am wanted! Maybe I’ll find someone... who loves me!”

=(

And where does Jocasta go from here?

She wanders the country looking for love, presumably in all the wrong places, and is seized by a per-programmed compulsion to rebuild Ultron. This leads to a big team up between the Thing, Machine Man, and her and Jocasta sacrifices herself to help stop Ultron. The Avengers hold a memorial and Machine Man attends, realizing that he had loved Jocasta.

So plus side: she does find someone to love her. Minus side: she dies and also its Machine Man.

Double plus side: she’s eventually rebuilt. Dies a couple more times. But she’s currently alive.

It’s going to turn out that this was a failure of communication.

(On the team less than a day after basically begging to join and she’s already made herself at home and is hogging the entire couch. How very cat of you, Tigra.)

Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor had decided privately to ask her to stay on as a Special Substitute Avenger, keep living in the mansion, and help out when its needed.

In the hubbub of Moondragon’s recruitment drive I guess they forgot to bring it up. I feel like its something you should have approached her with before the meeting, just to make sure she was okay with it.

Hindsight and all.

The snubbing from Vision definitely didn’t help.

Iron Man: “I hope she comes back! -- And I sure hope Moondragon doesn’t!”

Hah.

I do wonder what the initial plan going into the meeting would have been, before Moondragon took it over. What roster had Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America decided on before Moondragon talked three Avengers into quitting and introduced Tigra to the team?

I guess we’ll never knoooow.

Captain America muses that although it seems like they drove Moondragon away, she may have gotten what she actually wanted. “What if she used her mental powers subtly to influence the decisions that were made?”

And its possible because of how her speech influenced the three people who quit.

The thought just about makes Iron Man furious.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it because the news shows up to get coverage of the last panel new roster AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! moment.

I do love a good last panel new roster Avengers Assemble moment.

And that was Jim Shooter’s first issue back. And a pretty great first issue too.

Not that the previous issues have been bad necessarily but he definitely brought a sense of fun to this issue. Even though there’s some forced fighting for those ACTION SCENES most of it is just character interactions. Even some of the pointless fights.

And like writers like to do when they take over a book, Jim Shooter draws a line in the history with a shake-up to the team roster. Reintroduces Moondragon into the book because he has unfinished business with her.

I’ve actually been reading the original Star Brand book by Shooter and the writing is night and day. Its all text text text words words words but its much punchier here. Though there are some strange spelling and punctuation choices.

Still, I’m excited to have a consistent writer back on and I’m even excited about it being Jim Shooter. I hated his first run on the book on first read and then appreciated it more the second time through. And I’ve heard interesting stuff about this upcoming run.

Psst, follow @essential-avengers​. You are being mentally influenced by Moondragon to do so. Wait, this is a counterproductive self-promote. Er, like and reblog because you choose to?

[lady-plantagenet]

Unsolicited Book Reviews (n4): The Daisy and the Bear

Rating:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Even before I had an account, I tended to go to tumblr to see people’s opinions before buying a histfic. Certain books are either severely underrepresented, where I feel like there needs to be something on them, whereas others, though talked about enough, something more can still be said about them. So for my quarantine fun, I have decided to start a series where I review every medieval historical fiction novel I read. Hopefully, it will either start interesting discussions or at least be some help for those browsing its tag when considering purchasing it.

TL;DR: Just like ‘Death Be Pardoner To Me’, I really don’t know how to rate a book that isn’t a ‘novel’ in the traditional sense of the word. So I take each book and measure it against what it promises to deliver. This spoof of the Wars of the Roses did just that perfectly! I found myself laughing out loud at least every three pages (a feat for me). I decided to buy this book because I was a long-time reader of the author’s blog: A Nevill Feast, and despite it being a super informative and enlightening blog (she is also a published historian), I always found her humour extremely amusing. The ‘brow height’ of the jokes in this spoof, are of all levels, but almost always smart.

Plot: Alright, who doesn’t love a good crackship? Well be prepared for a crackship so heightening it’s almost cocaine: Margaret of Anjou and Richard Neville 16th Earl of Warwick. This is not even the only thing you will find in the chaotic but short (153 page) spread of this ‘novel’. You will get witchy ‘Elizabeth Woodville Grey Witch Plantagenet Queen’ ‘s love at first sight with Edward ‘The Rose of Ruin’ IV, who (naturally) cannot be mentioned without the words ‘blonde, tall and womanising’ being thrown in; You will also get a random stand-up comedy routine thrown by the Nevilles called ‘A Very Nevill Christmas’, Edgecote Moor, Edward’s capture, the Welles uprising and the Nevilles’ and Clarence’s escape to France summarised in text messages and a whole two-page chapter written in a northern accent! This is frankly what everyone needs in those gloomy times!

It essentially sticks to what actually happens except for the whole Margaret/Warwick thing, which ends up in Edward of Westminster being Warwick’s secret son. This doesn’t really change anything of course, but the part where he and Anne Neville find out and end up playing a prank on the parents is one of the hilights of this book! Is that too spoilery? Oh well. Before moving to characterisation, there is also this absolutely hilarious OC called Dakota FitzPercy which is the ultimate parody of all OCs in historical fiction: all men are overcome with lust just by looking at her even though she’s dressed in men’s garb half of the time (and for no reason!), as Warwick’s spy she knows martial arts as she was ooobviouslyy trained in Cathay and she has an unnecessarily tragic backstory! Of course like most OCs she adds NOTHING to the story and is therefore the perfect parody.

Characterisation: What really really elevates this book in my eyes and rating is that it is so obviously a parody of historical fiction and not the figures themselves. A goodreads reviewer (who I have a lot of respect for btw) has said that this book often crosses the line into ‘defaming the dead’. With all due respect, I have to disagree as it is some of the portrayals in ‘serious’ historical fiction novels about these characters, which are the true offenders. This is what is being lampooned here and, as such, the book defends their reputations by drawing attention to how silly and sometimes downright offensive some authors’ takes on people like Warwick, Margaret of Anjou and Elizabeth Woodville are.

I can’t tell you how much I laughed at ‘Frail and Angelic © Dickon or Richard’ being so frail and angelic and good, Isabel Neville constantly being reffered to as a ‘prawn’ on her father’s ‘cheeseboard’ (obviously at the hackneyed use of the phrase ‘pawns on a chessboard’, which is incessantly repeated with regards to female characters). Among others: Clarence constantly knocking over his wine when he’s not drinking it, Anne Beauchamp constantly being reffered to as ‘pale and insipid’ (no other reason just because she’s a woman ergo...), Edward IV constantly sleeping with everyone around him, Cecily ‘the Rose of Rabies’ being beautiful, proud and pious (her only three personality traits). Don’t even get me started on Margaret of Anjou’s obnoxious French accent (rofl- it turns into a German one by the end) and nonesensical sluttiness. Another fav part must be the one with Elizabeth Woodville offering to call up a fog at Barnet and Edward being something like ‘well you know, it’s true that they won’t see anything but neither will we. I don’t think you understand how important vision is in a battle’ (like damn straight why has no one even bothered to mention this). Overall, humorous characterisation is done best by someone so well-versed in the history as the author (K L Clark), because she really does a good job teasing out some jokes which only seasoned conoisseurs of this period would know e.g. the Countess of Salisbury’s attainder.

Prose: Probably the crowning virtue of this book. The author does not only aptly parody the portrayal of these figures in popular histfic, but she EVEN PARODIES THE PROSE. I couldn’t stop laughing whenever we got the ridiculously gratuitous smut extract - you know the ones where the author describes the act in such a ridiculous and metaphorical manner that you don’t even understand what’s happening. She also parodies the repetitive and long-winded tell-don’t-show prose with such mastery it gave me great satisfaction.

An example: “This all made Richard of Dickson sad because he loved his brothers, though he loved Edward more than he loved George. He also loved his cousin, Richard Lord Neville of Warwick. He loved him more than George but less than Edward. He also loved the Earl of Warwick’s daughter, Anne. A lot. He wished his brother had let him marry Anne against his wishes at the same time that George married Anne’s sister Isobel (also the Earl of Warwick’s daughter), though he handn’t let him marry her either, against his wishes or not. It was all making his heart ache so very much”

Not to mention the over-written prose: ‘A bag drips with the blood, hangs from the saddle of a horse whose animal innocence shields it from the horrors of its burden. Black hearted Clifford chortles as he rides, his prize, his gift, his paeon, his song to his mistress oozing, dripping calaminous blood’

I’ll stop now before I get accused of copyright (not sure how it works but oh well).

One last thing I will say is that each chapter varies in type of prose, sometimes it’s written as a play, a soliloquy, first person and sometimes even text messages and letters hahaha.

Overall, A massively chaotic but enjoyably written and quite intelligent hodgepodge. I may have revealed a lot in this review, but this does not even scratch the surface of the multitude of other gags you will find inside! Highly recommend for anyone already familiar with this period and with a sense of humour! Now excuse me while I go back and read something serious lmao

[dontgotothenetherworld]

Can I maybe request an reader whose bj's friend but has been for too long so they know BJ all too well saving the maitland from his advances and falls in love with them?

beetlejuice’s friend

i am incredibly tired rn so i’m not sure if i fully understand what you’re asking, but i’m vibing w/ what i think you’re asking so yea (the maitlands x beej’s friend reader). you say beej’s friend, so reader’s a demon ahaha

also, i (before writing) feel like there are some lines that’re in the script that i can work off of, so there is a good bit of fourth wall breaking. only beej and reader can talk to/ interact with audience.

1493 words

cw: gnreader.

”the people who live there? i’ve been watching them for a while, and yeah it’s very creepy.” beej monologued. or would it be soliloquyed? soliloqueyed doesn’t sound as good, so let’s go with monologued. “and now, finally, they’re about to die!” beej liked talking to the audience. it made him feel important. you rolled your eyes. “they’re gonna be my new best friends!” 

you stepped out of the wings. “and what would that make me?” while beej was more of a musical theatre kind of guy, you were much more of a sitcom kind of guy, so you imagined a camera zoom like in the office.

”i’m this asshole’s best friend, and trust me when i say this, that’s not a position you want.” you addressed the audience.

”oh? what position would you prefer?” beej lowered his voice.

you scoffed, “case and point. you’ll be getting a lot of that in this goddamn show. single men, take notes on what not to do!”

beej frowned.

”barbara, i’m home!” speaking of sitcoms, here comes the loving husband. damn, can’t relate.

beetlejuice turned from you to the audience, “adam and barbara maitland!”

”was there traffic on the bridge?” barbara asked like she actually cared. damn, can’t relate.

”bill hadley on his tractor. i was like, “pick a lane, bill.””

”isn’t this amazing? it’s the last day of their entire lives and this is what they’re talking about.” said beetlejuice.

”beej, take you on a random day and say that’s your last day ever. do you say any impressively insightful shit?” you ask.

”absolutely.” beej grins.

”not.” you finish his sentence. the scene returns to the maitlands before he can say anything else.

i’m sure you’ve seen the show, you know how it goes. maitlands are boring, maitlands sing fast because they have anxiety, maitlands conveniently die at the end of their song, beetlejuice rejoices. whatever, we don’t care about that part. i mean we do, just not right now.

”sometimes, puppet shows are sad.” you say, directed at the small child in the third row. who brings their eight year old to see beetlejuice?

”barbara are you alright?” the moment passed.

you and beetlejuice hide offstage as the maitlands figure out they’re dead. It’s rather annoying, when breathers die. they always have the same reaction. they could spice it up sometimes. 

you suppose that’s what beej is here to do. to spice up their reactions.

beetlejuice rings the doorbell. without waiting for either of them to answer, he walks right in. he introduces himself and starts singing. you walk in behind him, arms crossed.

one of the cheerleaders runs past you, knocking into your arm. 

”i’m the b to the double e j f q and jesus, i can’t spell.” beetlejuice eyed the maitlands up and down.

the maitlands seemed like nice people. they don’t deserve what was sure to come to them. you stood yourself up from the door frame, and made your way to the center of the room where the trio where.

”let’s all get naked!” beetlejuice screamed. 

”no!” the maitlands screamed back. you swung your backhanded fist into his stomach. 

”oh!” he let out a guttural noise. “worth a try.” he reasoned.

”what is happening?” barbara asked in a shaky voice, her eyes flashing between the two demons before her. one, who hadn’t spoken a single word, and the other who wouldn’t fucking shut up.

beetlejuice went back to trying to convince them that they should ‘hire’ him. while insulting them, of course, because why wait until a relationship turns unhealthy when you can just start it off that way?

”i’m like a ghost zombie jesus!” god, you needed new friends. maybe you can steal the maitlands away. if you think about it, and you do, it would really only be a win situation from that. you wouldn’t have to deal with beej, you’d get some new friends who would be kind to you. the maitlands wouldn’t even have to think about beetlejuice again, and they would get to hang out with you, and not to toot your horn but you’re pretty damn cool. at first, beetlejuice would lose, with the whole everyone abandoning him thing, but you’re pretty sure that it’s be this time that he changed himself to be a better person.

you hope.

”i think we’re a perfect fit! come on, let’s make out a bit!” you physically pushed beetlejuice away from the maitlands.

beej just gave you an annoyed look, and went back to right next to them, giving them is sales pitch.

you slunk off to the couch. you spread your body across it as if you owned it. adam spared you a curious glance. barbara, soon after.

the four of you made your way off stage, to the attic, as the deetzes and their furniture invaded the house.

”hey beej,” you needed to get beetlejuice away from the maitlands, so you could talk to them, but how? “you better spy on the new homeowners so we know what we’re working with.”

”good idea!” he said.

you grabbed his tie in your hand and pulled him close, “and don’t come back until you know what’ll scare them so hard they wished they’d never been born.” beetlejuice wasn’t very sure of himself, so you’d have a while.

”sir, yes sir!” he ran off like a cartoon character, legs going the full 360.

you turned to the maitlands, eyes flicking between them, trying to decide where to start.

”who are you?” asked adam.

”i’m y/n,” you said, “and i’m a demon, just like beetlejuice.” you grinned like the cheshire cat.

the maitlands shared a concerned glance. “are you going to help us too?” asked barbara.

”well, yes, but not the way you think i am.” you began pacing the floor. “first things first, don’t listen to a word that bastard says. the only things he wants is to be alive, and to get into your pants. the former being more important to him, no offense.”

”so he wants to use us?” asked barbara.

”yes, of course.”

”and how do we know you don’t want to use us either?” she asked.

”good question.” you paused to collect your thoughts, “i suppose you’ll just have to trust me.”

the maitlands exchanged another look. do married people do that often? it was starting to get annoying. well, annoying that they weren’t looking at you like that.

after a moment, adam said, “i don’t think we can fully trust you right now, but hopefully that’ll change.”

”quite the optimist, huh? i envy you.” you said.

how to best gain their trust? probably by being the antithesis of their experience with demons so far.

about an hour later, the trio was still brainstorming a plan. “so, why can’t we just lock him into the netherworld again?” adam asked.

”his mother.” you said. 

adam nodded, “right, right. we don’t want to put him through that.”

barbara jumped in, ”and if we leave this place, we’ll be eaten by sandworms, but if we go to the netherworld,”

”you’ll be in that waiting room for the rest of eternity, exactly.” you finished.

you sat in silence for a minute, mulling over your options. so far it was seeming that beetlejuice was going to have to go back to his parent’s house.

”what about sending him out to the sand worms?” asked barbara.

”barbara, you’re a genius!” exclaimed adam.

you imagined what would happen. “i think that’ll work.” you said. “oh! and we can put a protection spell on the house after he’s left! then , no demons will be able to get in.” you pulled out a copy of the handbook for the recently deceased, from seemingly nowhere. beej burned barbara’s copy of the book, but not adam’s.

you placed the book on the floor, and you began looking for the spell with the maitlands looking over your shoulders.

”do you know that a spell like that exists?” asked adam.

”of course i do, i just don’t remember how to do it.” you said.

”and do you know that it won’t expel you from the house too?” asked barbara.

”i guess we’ll find out.” you turned to face her.

”i hope it doesn-” barbara was cut off.

”here it is!” exclaimed adam. “and it doesn’t say anything about expelling demons, just keeping them out.” adam skimmed the instructions.

you turned back to the book, and the group sat in silence as you carefully read it all.

you sat back, “i- we can do this.” 

the maitlands high-fived. god, they were adorable.

”the real question is, do you still want the new homeowners out of this place? because if i’m being honest, beej would be better at that than me.” you said.

the maitlands shared a look.

”i-” barbara looked at adam, “i think we should talk about it.”

”oh, of course.” you replied. “do you want me to give y’all some privacy?”

”yes please.” said barbara.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi

[suits-of-woe]

Top 5 Edmund moments? Thank you!

Thank you! I can literally never talk about him enough and honestly it was hard to pick just 5 but honestly if I’d written any more even about these ones tumblr probably would have been broken by the sheer word count so here we go.

(edit: forgot to tag @princess-of-france if you’re interested)

1. “Call by the trumpet: he that dares approach / On him, on you, who not? I will maintain / My truth and honor firmly.” AND “In wisdom I should ask thy name / But…What safe and nicely I might well delay / By rule of knighthood, I distain and spurn.” aka The Duel

I don’t actually know if I’ve ever talked about this but I think this is one of the most likable in Edmund moments in the play. Reasons I love it:

a. He is SO ready to fight. This is what I was talking about when I said Edmund is such an impulsive disaster compared to other villains he often gets compared with, he doesn’t hesitate here, he’s ready to go. And you can’t convince me he couldn’t have found a way out of this – Albany’s all like “I dismissed all the soldiers so now there’s no one to fight for you” but like? This is the same Edmund who got a random captain to agree to kill the literal ex-king and his daughter (who’s also a queen!) basically just by telling him to man up; you can’t convince me Edmund couldn’t find a single champion willing to fight this super poor and sketchy-looking guy for him. But instead he’s all in, he gets into a fight or flight situation and his brain just goes FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT and he does it without a second thought. Amazing.

b. He really doesn’t care about status at all. Like sure it’s all well and good to dismiss social distinctions when you’re a bastard and have been disinherited for it but this scene shows it’s not just opportunism – Edmund SO believes in what he’s been advocating the entire play. He doesn’t care who he’s fighting, even now that he’s risen to the top, he knows the rules of knighthood don’t mean shit. He’s taken everything with the justification that if you can manage to take it then you deserve it and he doesn’t abandon that philosophy here, he sticks to it, even though it ends up costing him everything. How is that not so admirable? Am I actually supposed to not love him or?

c. I LOVE the fact that he clearly could not believe less in the idea of trial by combat. This is a me thing but it honestly makes me so happy. He’s lying through his teeth here with zero remorse, he’s 100% happy to let his innocence be decided in a fight all because he clearly thinks there is no divine intervention here. In his head there’s no reason why fighting for a just cause should have any impact on who wins, and even though the text goes against him on that idea…it’s still great. Because it’s not that he doesn’t have a conscience, he SO does as I’ll talk about later, but it’s not tied at all to to spirituality or the idea that he’s going to be cosmically punished for his actions. It’s all him, and I think that makes it so much more powerful.

2. “I should have been that I am, had the maidenliest star in the firmament twinkled on my bastardizing.” aka The Best Speech

*gasps of shock* Wow who would’ve guessed? But yeah. This is THE defining Edmund moment for me. (I put the other one first bc I’ve said all this stuff before so I don’t care if it gets hidden under a cut, but yeah, this is #1) Like I love it because it’s one of the few moments in Shakespeare that aligns with my irl beliefs without being cartoonishly evil, but also like, it’s more than that, this speech is just SO GOOD. It’s about the FREE WILL okay, it’s about the fact that he takes FULL responsibility for his actions, that’s my SHIT. But it’s also what makes him a villain because he has no delusions at all about what he’s doing, he knows it’s wrong and he still does it but like…I’m still so obsessed. And other things too, like the pointed, razor-sharp references to adultery are everything, I’d love to see this whole speech done as just a scathing and furious condemnation of Gloucester too…okay this is gonna turn into a whole essay if not careful but basically YEAH BEST SPEECH.

3. “Yet Edmund was belov’d.” AND “Some good I mean to do / Despite of mine own nature.” aka The Repentance

Anyone crying yet? I sure am. I had to include both of these quotes here bc “Yet Edmund was belov’d” is definitely another all-time fave but also it’s less of a moment and more just the one line and also I can’t justify not including the WHOLE CULMINATION OF HIS CHARACTER so yeah. Like okay though, sometimes I forget just how radical this moment is, but like!!! This is almost entirely unique in the canon. A villain who actually goes back and changes his mind and his heart and tries to make it right. But it’s not just that, it’s the way he does it, like I’ve been saying. It’s not because he thinks the gods are watching; it’s because he’s listening to Edgar talking about what he and Gloucester went through together and then he finds out that Goneril and Regan died for him and suddenly he remembers that there is love in the world and he was loved despite everything and just because it’s too late for him doesn’t mean it has to be too late for everyone and AHHHHHH. And he’s still pushing back against the limits set for himself while he’s doing it, he starts off the play rejecting the idea that the stars have any influence on his nature, but here he’s even rejecting that, defying the fact that he has to be one thing, he’s still fucking up his idea of the status quo even as he does this one last beautiful good thing. Just…holy shit.

4. “Yours in the ranks of death.” aka I Had To Pick At Least One Sexy One Cause I’m Too Sad

So this wouldn’t be an Edmund post if I didn’t talk about how hot he is. So yeah. This scene. Honestly this is maybe more of an iconic Goneril moment than an Edmund moment because she’s doing almost all the heavy-lifting dialogue-wise but still. I talked about this way more in that one post about how Edmund is lowkey a sub but the power dynamics in this scene okay, the tension. I’ve seen this scene done anywhere from a decently quick kiss to a full-on sex scene – the potential to get really intense is there. And I just love Edmund for it, he’s really out here, sleeping with a princess, making out with her on her husband’s doorstep – ICONIC. The BDE is just through the roof. Also for that line specifically I love how it comes back in 5.3 with “I was contracted to them both: all three / Now marry in an instant” akdlhglkhglaksdg. This is the peak Sexy Bastard moment.

5. “Now gods, stand up for bastards!” aka The Invention of Bastard Energy

Idk how Edmund’s most famous soliloquy is just making the bottom of this list, but I think I spend so much time defining my entire life around his second one and giggling at “Both????” in his third that I sometimes neglect this one a little. But it is That Good – it’s up there with the most iconic character intros in the canon. It’s everything. It’s so GREAT and VILLAINOUS like you get “Well then, legitimate Edgar, I must have your land” and all the set-up for him in all his smug evil glory and it’s HEARTBREAKING with the repetition of “Why brand they us / With base? With baseness? Bastardy? Base? Base?” like you can just hear how often those words have been thrown at him, how much they hurt and it’s SUBVERSIVE like we get Edmund’s whole philosophy here and we see he could give two shits about birth and status and he’s ready to turn the world on its head. My only complaint with this moment (or with any of these moments) is if Shakespeare really wanted me to dislike Edmund then he frankly did a terrible job.

[triscribe]

Legacy, Prologue

“You must be joking.”

Tarot blinked. “Uh, no. What makes you say that?”

Despite wearing a helmet without moving parts, the white lenses that protected Goshawk’s eyes seemed to sharpen their glare.  Or maybe it was the dry tone of the deep voice that came out through a hidden speaker that conveyed the air of growing annoyance. “Isn’t your little heroic country club meant for super-humans only?”

*Ouch,* Golem muttered in her earpiece. Tarot resisted the urge to wince.

“Well, it’s true that we’re a bit lacking in the Basic human department - but that’s part of why we want to invite you and your partner to join!” She shifted to better angle herself to address both crimefighters, Kestrel crouched on the edge of the rooftop whereas Goshawk stood with hands on hips in the very center. “The fact that you two have kept up your work for six years now, caused visible signs of improvement in your city, and haven’t suffered any major losses or defeats makes you more impressive than half the heroes I know. The Collab could really use expertise like yours, and you both being Basic is just the icing on top.”

Kestrel’s helmet tilted slightly to one side, and after a moment Goshawk’s did the same. Tarot glanced between them, but couldn’t get anything from metal plates or white lenses. Her fingers twitched, and a second later the woman flicked her hands, going through the motions of shuffling a deck, which summoned her cards from the astral pocket where they usually rested. After a further few moments of silence, Tarot plucked a random card, glanced at the design, and then tucked it back into the deck. Five of Swords, mind games, hostility.

Goshawk’s hands moved from his hips to fold in front of his chest.

Another card, and Tarot glanced towards Kestrel as he hopped off the roof’s guardrail to lean against it nonchalantly. Page of Wands, newly inspired, excited about life and work.

As the two crimefighters properly faced each other, clearly sharing a private conversation through some sort of connection between their helmets, Tarot checked one last card. The Hanged Man, surrender, new perspective, enlightenment.

Two helmets straightened upright. “We, might, be interested,” Goshawk stated, in a manner that sounded more defeated than anything else.

“Would it be possible to get a little better idea of what we’re signing on with, thought?” Kestrel asked, bouncing on his feet. “Take a tour, read the pamphlets, meet some faces?”

Tarot grinned, dropping her cards back into their astral pocket. “Sure thing. Would now suit?”

“No,” Goshawk said immediately. “We have work to do right now. Tomorrow.”

“Morning, afternoon or evening?”

“Mid-morning. We’ll meet here again by ten.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Folding one arm behind her back, opposite going over her heart with a flourish, Tarot dropped into a neat bow. “Goshawk, Kestrel, a pleasure to meet you both. Good night and good hunting!” With that, the hand behind her back twisted and pulled, activating a card she always kept up her sleeve: Four of Wands, celebration, safety, home.

Blazing light obscured the world, and when Tarot next blinked, she was standing in the workroom of her house. “Did you get that, Golem?”

*Loud and clear, we’ll have a Skip waiting for the three of you at oh ten hundred tomorrow.*

“Excellent. And, make sure none of the louder idiots are around HQ, will you? Rumor has it the Legend City Birds don’t much like brash arrogance. Or Goshawk doesn’t, at least.”

*Uhh, that might be a bit trickier - Duke is scheduled for AM monitor duty.*

Tarot groaned. “Just what we need. If he tries to pick a fight with either of them, I’m tossing that moron straight into the Trench.”

*Preeetty sure Musketeer would have a problem with that...*

“Too bad. The worst she can do is stick me on detainment duty for a year, and I’ll take that over losing these two potential recruits because of Duke’s stupidity anytime.”

As she went to change out of her uniform, Golem voiced a perplexed question. *Why are you so hung up on bringing these guys into the Collaboration anyway?*

“Have you seen their stats? A twenty year low for their city’s crime rate, eight major supervillains captured and turned over to Con-Tain, three bio-terrorist plots interrupted and four major corruption cases cracked wide open? And that’s just the headline items - Goshawk and Kestrel could be giving lessons on investigation and ambush tactics to half our ranks for crying out loud, they’re that good!”

*Yeah... but aren’t they also responsible for a bunch of cop injuries and medical retirements?*

Tarot snorted. “In a city with a ninety percent caucasian police force known for discrimination and racial profiling when they first started. I don’t know if it holds true across the board, but at least a dozen of those cases of police injury were from the Birds intervening in what would’ve been lethal force used on unarmed suspects.”

*Oh.*

“Mm-hm. I guarantee any cop they hurt was in self-defense or to prevent a death. And! One of their corruption cases a couple years ago involved the LPD Commissioner himself, which led to a lot of turnover in the precincts, bringing in a record high of minority and women officers. Reported injuries from Goshawk or Kestrel have gone into decline ever since.”

*Well, that’s good.* Golem paused. *So, can I join your tour tomorrow?*

“Sure thing.”

-Legacy-

“This is a bad idea.”

“This is a great idea! The Global Collaboration of Crimefighting and Anti-Terrorism, June! The biggest name in international superhero cooperation wants to recruit us!”

Setting down her Goshawk helmet, June leveled a glare at her sister. “They want to recruit our diversity points. There hasn’t been a Basic human member of the Collab in three decades, Janae. They’re full of Morphs, Magi, and Mythics with a few Cosmics thrown in - people who think having powers is an excuse to play dress up and pretend to be world saviors.”

Janae sighed dramatically, flopping dramatically onto their couch with one hand holding up her Kestrel helmet as if it were the skull in Hamlet’s soliloquy. “And as ev-rybody knows, you hate being invited to anything purely so people can gain ‘diversity points’.”

“Hmph.”

“But June, just think how much good we could do! The Collab hosts all kinds of seminars to make their members better, we could talk about all sorts of things! Investigating, documenting evidence, determining the best people to work with from inside the district attorney’s office-”

“Not every crimefighter has to deal with the same issues we did,” June cut in, removing her cape and folding it neatly.

“But a lot of them could benefit from our experience! Think of how many more crooks in uniform we could help put away just by sharing our tactics, now and in future!” Sitting upright, Janae leveled a finger at her big sister. “And just think of what we could get out of it, too.”

June arched an eyebrow, undoing the clasps of her padded chest armor. “A whole bunch more noses getting stuck into our business?”

“No, you paranoid loser. Resources, databases, heck, even back-up from time to time. Having even just one extra set of hands to go up against Razore would’ve been nice, y’know.” 

Both women frowned at that particular set of memories, June’s hand unconsciously skimming over her side, where a set of four scars sliced their way across her ribcage beneath layers of reinforced armor. “We do fine as it is.”

“We really do not,” Janae huffed, settling back again. “You and me in the field with only four people to support us? And only three adults, at that. The Collab has entire sub-divisions of engineers, scientists, medics, you name it. Reinforcements like that would do us a lot of good.”

Tugging off her gloves, June frowned - a more thoughtful expression than grumpy, which Janae took to be a good sign. “...I’ll think about that. But tomorrow’s ‘tour’ will be the deciding factor - I don’t want us to join an organization that needs to be cleaned up worse than the LPD did.”

Her sister grimaced. “Yeah, alright, I can go along with that. Although-”

“We would not be in a position to clean house from the inside, Janae, not as the newbies being watched from all corners. And I wouldn’t want to risk them finding out our identities to hold over our heads as blackmail, not with Tasha and Aunt Jasmine on the line.”

“Fine.” A pause. “Where are those two, anyway?”

“Auntie left today for her old squad’s reunion, remember? And Tasha needed to head to bed early tonight for her class field trip tomorrow morning.”

“Ahh, that’s right,” Janae snickered. “And she begged us to not be at Lunar R&D at the same time.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Kyron’s working tomorrow though, isn’t he?”

“He is. And he’s promised to hold off on any embarrassing acts until the class is just about ready to leave.” A slight smirk tugged at the corners of June’s mouth.

“Oh good. I’ll have to borrow the security tapes to see what he comes up with.”

“You do that.”

[everythingisawayoflife]

~Satisfying~ Musical Moments from Hamilton- Act 2

Not that anyone cares, but here’s Act 2. Songs are again in order. God, I miss being hyperfixated on Hamilton. Only time I felt 100% happy all of the time.

“Mr. Jefferson welcome hOOOOOOOOOME.” why is chris jackson perfect. like that line is just so, well see the title for description.

“You think I’m frightened of you, man? We almost died in a trench while you were off gettin’ high with the French!” hAHAHAHA

It’s a threeway tie between Eliza’s beatboxing ,“Take a break and get AWAAAAAAY” and “WHERE WE CAN STAYYYYYYY OHHHHH…” and the rest of Pippa’s parts. God I love her.

“If you pay, you can STAYYYYYYYY.” I mean come on, people! It is fucking Jasmine Cephas Jones. She is a legend in both roles.

Tie between the entire ending of the song right after when everyone asks “IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING BURR WHADDYA FALL FOR?” and when someone shouts Toronto as an idea to move that capital. Trust me, you’ll hear it.

“They don’t need to know me, they don’t like you—” “eXCUSE ME?—” that parts just so freaking funny to me idk why

“You must be out of your GODDAMN MIND.” The first time I heard, I lost it. Completely. I had to pause because I laughed so hard. Even now, it still gets me.

“SOUTHERN MUTHA-FUCKING DEMOCRATIC-REPUBLICANS.” magical.

Threeway tie (yes, again) between when Washington talks about sitting under the fig and the moment just gives me a sense of peace. Then, when Washington sings the Farewell address as Hamilton reads it. Then the whole ending with the ensemble and it takes me to church.

“They will tear each other into pieces, JESUS CHRIST THIS WILL BE FUN, DA DA DA DAT DA DA DA DA DI YA DA DA DA DAT DAT DI YA DA…” omg it’s even better on stage, trust me. his little servant who whispers that it’s John Adams is perfection. I’m pretty sure there are some bootlegs lyin’ around here somewhere…gimme a sec…

There are two versions: in the stage version it’s “Adams fires Hamilton privately calls him “Creole Bastard” in his taunts (say what-) Hamilton publishes his response!” In the cut rap, it’s basically the entire rap.

“In the pockets of people like me, down on their luck, you see that was my wife who you decided to—whAAAAA?!” Jefferson sounds scarred for life.

The wait for its and history has its eyes on you in the background as Hamilton makes the worst decision of his life.

I actually don’t have a favorite vocal moment here, maybe excpet for when Angelica burns him completely but that’s in Congratulations, it’s only for a short time in here. But, on stage, King George comes out and does some random dancing, even going so far to toss some papers in the air taunting Hamilton. It sure makes for a good laugh when there is so much DRAMA.

The orchestra just does beautifully on this. No words even needed and I’ll still be brought to tears.

Another tie (yes I know) with Philip suggesting a threesome and the girls getting extra flirty and when he suddenly bursts in at home and says “POPS IF YOU HAD ONLY HEARD THE SHIT HE SAID ABOUT YOU.” Look I had a major crush on anthony. so much, it hurt for me to look at him. he was just so, well he still is, goddamn attractive. ooh i can’t wait for in the heights.

“NOOOOOOOOO. IS HE BREATHING, IS HE GOING TO SURVIVE THIS?! WHO DID THIS, ALEXANDER DID YOU KNOWWWWW?!” and then the very sad counting of french numbers.

Again, this whole song is done beautifully. I will say, the first time I heard it was like at 2 in the morning and I was laying down in my bed, earbuds in, sobbing while lying still, letting the tears run down my face.

“Can we get back to politics?” “pLEASE?” I felt Madison on a spiritual level.

“Weehawken, dawn. Guns, drawn.” That just hits you whether you know the story or not. You just know it is not gonna end well.

While short, the whole song is poetic. Hamilton knows this will probably be the last time he sees Eliza. He knows he’s gonna throw away his shot. He doesn’t want to, but he’s going to.

Hamilton’s soliloquy. It gets really powerful and emotional when he sees his friends and family on the other side, knowing it’s over for him. Then he sees Eliza. He regrets hurting her. Then he quotes Laurens as his last words before getting shot. I always find myself screaming “NOOOO” as I know what happens but really doesn’t want it too. I also like it when the beat in the background keeps going and then you know it’s Hamilton’s heartbeat and it stops when Burr says “were both at his side when he died.” GOD I HATE AND LOVE THIS MUSICAL. also that was a long one.

“And when my time is up, have I done enough? Will they tell your story? Oh, I can’t wait to see you again. It’s only a matter of time.” That entire ending is poetic cinema. I always find myself sobbing at the end. After a while I wasn’t so much a crier, but then once I saw it live, I cried harder at it than I ever have. If you ever get the chance to see it live, take it. It may be the only time.

Well that’s it. I might do another musical next. Maybe Heathers. Please tell me, what are your favorite moments?

[salmonthestoryteller]

That Darn Love Triangle

So I’m going to throw my two cents in on the love triangle of Alex/Michael/Maria. But first a few quick links to relevant previous posts:

My previous A/M/M thoughts (Mid season):

My post about Maria’s POV: 

My post about Michael’s Headspace in 1x13

My post about Maria’s plotline with her mother:

And I did highjack this post about small town dating:

All of which are relevant to my final view.  I also have two views - that as a storyteller viewing the narrative and as an audience member trying to understand the characters headspaces and interactions. This got really, really long.  Here’s the short version.

Storytelling - I don’t like the choice of a love triangle involving these three characters. I don’t really see it as moving the plot or character development forward right now - which is the whole point of a plot device.  Not just random drama, but plot and character development.  I’m a ship and let ship gal - I can see the appeal in both ships - I’ve written fics for both ships.  I just wish things had been handled slightly differently.

Character Headspace:  All three characters are to blame for the mess they’re in.

Then there’s the long version.

When it comes to the set up for the love triangle, it all comes down to one main factor.

Alex and Michael’s complete silence over their relationship

While Max and Isobel seemed to have figured out Michael’s feelings for Alex over the years (possibly due to the pod squad’s psychic connection), the relationship doesn’t truly come to light to anyone else until the present day.  The silence when they were younger is pretty understandable - especially given Jesse Mane’s actions.  However, there’s definitely a hint that they’ve met up since that fateful day as teenagers, and that comes from their words at the drive in:

Michael:  Guess you’re still the guy looking for any excuse to walk away

Alex:  Maybe, but you’re still so good at giving them to me.

Seeing as I don’t see these lines referring to Jesse attacking them in the shed, this hints that there’s definitely been at least one more meetup.  Either before Alex joined the Air Force, or some time during the ten years that followed.  Their continued silence into the present day is part of how the triangle is set up.  With nobody knowing how Alex and Michael are connected, it changes viewpoints and dynamics that otherwise would have existed between them and their respective friends and siblings.

Which brings me to the second part of the set up, and I am firm on this.

Alex ends their relationship at the drive in.

Sorry, but the words:

Alex:  This isn’t going to work out.

Is pretty much classic break-up speech.  I count the drive-in as a date for them, despite the three feet retained between them on the truck flatbed.  (Feel like making a Quiet Man reference here.  The proprieties shall be observed at all times. No patty fingers.)  (And the lack of shared funnel cake.  No, I’m not letting that go.  Seriously, who doesn’t share funnel cake with their date?)  So I feel they were viewing their latest interactions as the start of a relationship.  Alex actually refers to them as us in the trailer that same morning.

Alex: Wait, does she know about us?

If they didn’t consider themselves in a relationship, he could have asked that question in a variety of ways.  Does she know about this?/Does she know that I’m here?/Does she know we’re having sex?  All phrases that could have easily been used to indicate he didn’t consider them to be anything serious.  Instead he terms it like a relationship -  Does she know about us.  So when Alex then says it’s not going to work out, that’s a break up.  He follows it with a line I actually find a lot of fault with:

Alex:  I’m an Airman, I can’t be with a Criminal.

His line about Michael’s side hustle is fine with me.  If he doesn’t approve of how Michael is living his life - than, sure - it’s a legitimate excuse to end a relationship.  These words, though?  They cross a line for me.  They aren’t - I don’t like what you’re doing.  They’re - I’m better than the likes of you. Which, whoa, objection.  Alex basically just called the guy he’s in love with trash, which is not okay.  I definitely feel this is Jesse getting to his head, but like with so much of what follows for all the characters, the reason why may give the audience an explanation, but it’s not an excuse.  It’s still a shitty thing to say to someone.

Despite this, Michael attempts to approach Alex again over two months after the drive in, and Alex won’t even engage him in a conversation.  When he goes to leave, Michael asks where they stand and if it’s really over.  And Alex confirms that, yes, it is.  Which leaves Michael in a position to pursue a relationship, regardless of who either still have feelings for.  Feelings are not a relationship.  Relationships require mutual consent, not just mutual feelings.

Small Towns Views Dating in Social Circles Differently

Because of my viewpoint of small towns - which given Liz’s soliloquy in the pilot as well as the general atmosphere of the town during the show I feel Roswell is presented as - I don’t really have an issue with Michael choosing to pursue Maria.  If Michael had ended the relationship, I may have thought it was a questionable choice.  But he didn’t - Alex did.  That changes the dynamic.  Especially since Maria occupies a space in both their social circles.

Frankly if I had friends/acquaintances  A, B & C, and A broke up with B, then B got into a relationship with C months later, and A came to me to complain?  I’d tell A they were being a little bitch, and to grow up. Considering workplace relationship drama, I probably am guessing I may even have said that sometime in the last ten years.  If A was upset about it, I’d tell them to reconsider their feelings for B, but that they really still had no claim on B.  That’s kinda part and parcel to the whole dumping thing.

That brings us to Michael and Maria, for which I have two things to stress.

Maria does not know about Michael and Alex’s history at first

Michael and Maria’s relationship is not based on a one night stand

I think the second part is what is throwing some people off.  All they want to equate is that Maria and Michael slept together.  To me Maria crying on Michael’s shoulder was in no way romantic, and more about Maria shattering under the realization she can’t save her mother and Michael shoving his own pain about Isobel aside to comfort her - making the scene doubly tragic.  However, it’s a scene that changed both characters views of each other.  Michael had never seen Maria vulnerable til then - and let’s not forget that MIchael has a positively huge hero complex - and Maria had never seen Michael as someone capable of kindness and selflessness til that moment.  That starts the change to their dynamic, which then continues into friendlier banter when he fixes her sign, followed by them flirting in Texas.  All this leads up to the one night stand, which isn’t truly romantic, either.  Both are upset about the outcome of the trip in regards to helping their mother/sister.  In that moment both of them are looking to grab onto something to take away the pain.  Let me stress that, even.  Both are looking to grab onto something to take away the pain.  Remember that, because I feel it’s very important for what happens in 1x13.  However,  the moment their viewpoints of each other change, that’s what starts them towards a relationship - not the one night stand.

Honestly, from a storytelling standpoint, I think this is actually not the best choice for setting up a love triangle.  I see plenty of relationship set up, if this relationship was set between two characters whose relationship stands alone.  However,  I think having the relationship between Michael and Maria be new wasn’t a smart storytelling choice in this case.  They could easily have had them have a previous relationship during the ten years Alex was away, and fall back into the relationship after Alex dumps Michael and Michael comforts Maria.  I just feel in terms of a love triangle, the two relationships are unbalanced because more history and episode time are given to Michael and Alex.  You don’t generally build that big a back story, and have huge moments involving romantic confessions in the middle of a building that’s about to explode with a couple you don’t intend to end up together. (Short of killing one)   That makes how the love triangle will play out transparent, and makes me doubt how useful it will be as a plot device. Moving on.

Alex claims his feelings are past tense to Michael

After Jenna brings the Alien Serial Killer to their attention, and Kyle knocks some sense into Alex both about teetering on the edge of drinking his father’s kool-aid about the pod squad and his feelings for Michael  (Thank-you, Kyle.  Everyone is seriously hopeless on this show.  At least someone has perspective.), Alex does go talk with MIchael.  Despite Kyle calling him on the fact that his feelings are current, twice, Alex places their love in the past tense when talking to Michael.  I’d say he’s both right and wrong about how well they know each other, because while his only known random fact about Michael is his dislike for Mars Attacks, the conversations they did have when younger were far deeper than fav movies or foods.  Alex shared that his own home life was bad and offered his bolt hole. Michael told him about his chaos and music, and his lack of belief in humans just being kind to each other.  Those are heavy conversations, tbh, and worth more than fav colors.  Still, starting to get to know each other from scratch isn’t a bad idea.  However, I still feel a miscommunication is going on over what Alex wants from Michael in this moment, and I feel Michael misunderstood why he chose to leave when he did.

Maria lies to Alex about her feelings

This is one of Maria’s biggest errors.  While I feel it comes from two places.  (Guilt and denial over her own feelings) - she still left Alex with the impression that she doesn’t care about Michael.  At all, really.  Do I think Alex suspects she’s lying?  Yes, I do think so.  I also can see why Alex wouldn’t have pressed that matter.  He doesn’t want Maria to admit she likes the guy he’s in love with.  I think overall this is Maria’s biggest contribution to the mess of the love triangle.  At some point, when she began to realize pushing Michael away was hurting her feelings, she should have come clean to Alex. This is her moment of an explanation is not an excuse.

Storytelling wise they don’t give them a single scene past that confrontation, which makes the confession impossible.  They could have made time for it, though, and I feel a second conversation on the subject would have gone a long way to making this love triangle less about random drama and open the door to it actually being used for character development.

Michael tells Maria he and Alex are over

Because their relationship is over.  Refer back to previous facts.

Alex dumped Michael

Alex confirmed they were over when Michael flat out asked him

This is why breakups can be messy.  One party can still have feelings - even both parties can still have feelings.  Relationships require more than feelings.  They require consent, the ability to build a life together, effort; communication. (That last one is a huge issue with these two)  Michael and Alex are not on the same page at any time post breakup.  So, Michael was telling the truth to Maria.  Alex feeling hopeful is great for Alex.  If Michael doesn’t feel that way, even if he still loves him - that’s Alex’s tough luck.  Love isn’t an obligation.  Until Michael is ready to be in a relationship with Alex again, Alex doesn’t have any say in Michael’s life.

Alex confesses at Caulfield, and seeks him out a few hours later

While Alex’s confession is huge, especially for his character, it comes at a desperate time.  They are both minutes away from dying when Alex manages to finally tell Michael how he currently feels, but Michael fails to return Alex’s confession, instead focusing on trying to shut him down and send him away to safety.  MIchael is desperate to save his people or die trying - until his Mother talks sense into him.  (Thank-you, Mara.  Damn, for such a short scene you really steal everyone’s hearts.)

This leaves their relationship on an edge, with Alex being the one whose put his heart on the line, and not sure where Michael stands.  It’s not surprising he seeks him out again, both to ensure he’s alright and to try to get clarification on that.  The problem is, they are again not on the same page.  Alex is messed up about Caulfield because his family was running a house of horrors, and he nearly lost Michael.  MIchael is traumatized by what happened to the rest of the people on their ship and the loss of his mother after finally finding her.  Alex’s desire to finally talk about his past choices and the problems he’s currently wrestling with would be a great step in their relationship, if it didn’t occur at a time when Michael is not in a good mindset to receive it.

Michael tells Alex they will talk the next day, but doesn’t speak to him before going to Maria

While I admit, Michael is traumatized, and storytelling wise I don’t like him being in a relationship with anyone right now, this is another of those an explanation is not an excuse moments.  Alex was definitely going to kiss him, and Michael did not look like he was planning on pushing him away.  While I do have objections to Alex approaching him in that moment when Michael is pretty messed up in the head, Michael should have spoken to Alex first the following day.  Even if it’s just to tell him he can’t be with him - it still should have been his first stop.  Trauma or not, it’s a jerk move.

Maria accepts Michael’s overtures to a relationship in 1x13

I see a lot of people saying they don’t understand her choosing Michael over Alex.  That’s how they see this choice. Friendship vs Crush.   That’s not what I see.  To me, she isn’t choosing Michael over Alex.  She’s choosing herself over Alex.  That’s a very different thing, and occurring for a very different reason.

This choice is likely to damage her friendship with Alex, and hurt his feelings.  So in terms of her friendship with Alex, it’s wrong.  However, all of them are single.  This isn’t adultery.   She is not “stealing” Michael.  He is not an object to be stolen to begin with. Her accepting a relationship with him is not inherently wrong.  Nor does it make her a bad person. It means, just like Alex and Michael through this whole love triangle mess, she’s making a call that’s going to hurt somebody else.   It means she’s human.

So, the real question is - why is she making this choice?  Let’s refer back to my earlier statement of why they slept together in 1x09:

Both are looking to grab onto something to take away the pain.

Every complaint I read about Maria’s choice seem to look upon this action as if Maria is in a happy, chipper place.  Like her life is hunky dory, and she has no reason to be in anything but the best headspace.  I’m really baffled by this interpretation.  So, let me enlighten you.  She’s not in a good headspace.

Will you step away from alien drama and take a good hard look at Maria’s life?  Let me give you the shorthand.  She has been solely responsible for her mother as her health failed for years.  She’s emotionally and mentally exhausted from that - we witness that in 1x07 and 1x09.  She is financially unstable despite owning the bar she also works at due to her mother’s medical bills. (Mentioned in 1x07)  Her own mother no longer recognizes her. (Stated in 1x09). And three days ago, considering the only questions Deputy Evans asked her that evening, she believes she was targeted and drugged by a serial killer.(Noah taking control of her and using her to steal the serum in 1x11)

Seriously?  How good a headspace do you think she’s in?  Chipper and well adjusted right now? Hell to the no.  Just like Michael, she is falling to pieces right now.  They are both in pain, both experts at fake it til you make it,  and choosing to grab onto something new that seems to promise happiness with no pain attached.  Do they honestly care about each other?  Yes.  Is it love?  No, I don’t think it is anywhere near that level yet.  If it weren’t for life really sucking right now, would they make this choice?  We don’t know - because that’s not the story we’re given.

From a storytelling standpoint, I actually wonder why they chose to reveal Alex and Michael’s relationship to her in 1x10, rather than hold out for second season.  It would have been easy not to do that scene, and have them get involved in an actual relationship before she found out.  I really don’t see how that would have hurt their relationship more than them putting them into a relationship and then her finding out, say,  Michael is an alien. (Still do not approve here.)  Liz found out before she got into a relationship with Max present day.  Alex found out during their break up, and before he chooses to pursue Michael again.  Even Cam found out after she split with Max.  Other than Noah, who doesn't really count anymore due to being an evil manipulative murderer who already knew anyway, nobody found out during a relationship.  How is that not going to be way worse a secret to reveal in the middle of a relationship?  Not to mention that her two best friends are also keeping this secret from her.   Right now I don’t see this plot ending happily for Maria, on any fronts.   So from a storytelling standpoint, especially as a fan of Maria, I hate this love triangle.

From a character headspace - All three are having potentially the most miserable year of their lives since they were seventeen, and are really effing things up.

[peachychibi]

ante merediem | Johnny

ante merediem 

Genre: friends-to-lovers!au, college!au | fluff 

Member: Johnny / Reader

Word Count: 1,600+

Warnings: n/a

The more you looked at the three-year old photograph of yourself on your laptop, the more she looked like a stranger to you. It went behind your comprehension, the smiling girl on the screen was you. There was no doubt about that. The memory of the day when the memento got taken was still vivid in the back of your mind. 

There was a gathering for the freshmen on your year, all majors were invited. High on being a newcomer, you got this unexplainable urge to attend any social activities that the campus offered. The excitement was so palpable back then, you actually thought it would last forever. (Funny, because in reality your socalled excitement did not even last for any more than three months). You got to the event with the friends whom you met just one day before. They were practically strangers with mutual condition as yours. It wasn't like you were provided with any other options anyway, you were basically a mere local immigrant who knew nobody in the new city. 

One of the things you remembered the most from the function happened to be the disappointment of how disastrous it turned out to be. You should have known better though, of course your expectation would be so farfetched from actuality. Who even thought it would be a great idea to plan an outdoor event in the wet monsoon? The air was damp, there were mud all over the field yet the sun was unforgivingly bright. The event was delayed for almost an hour leaving the students drenched in cold sweat. To top it all off the MCs who were supposed to lighten up the show were just as awkward as everyone. Truly an absolute failure.

The picture which you took with your new friends remained as the only keepsake from that day. You stood up from the comfort of your bed to walk to the mirror. The reflection was someone you knew, a short-haired young woman with perpetual dark circles under her eyes. This, this person is familiar. It was baffling how the girl on the picture seemed like a total stranger to you. Was it the hair? The girl had longer hair, wavy black hair cascaded pass the juncture of her shoulder. Her eyes, they looked so hopeful. The gleam in her orbs were visible, captured in the moment. But it was her smile that surprised you the most. It looked so genuine, she--you looked like you were basked in unadulterated happiness. So absurd. It did not make any sense to you now, just how could you manage to find any bit in your heart to pull up a perfect fake smile like that. At least you thought it was fake, it should have been right? 

As you sauntered back to your bed, you saw a flicker of light going on and off on through your peripheral vision. It seemed to come from your phone, the vibrating sound indicating a not-yet answered call. You shuffled to the desk in a hurry, impatient to know who was the person on the other side of the line. It's 2 A.M. for God's sake, who on their right minds would contact you? 

Oh, your heart skipped a little when you read the caller ID. It has been five days since the "realization", as your friends gladly put it, and you found it hard to act normal in front of him. In your defense, slipping out of your own obliviousness was an overwhelming experience. Realizing that you had been in totally-not platonic-love with your best friend for God knew how long gave off a sense of foreign anxiety. 

For a second, you were hesitant to press the green button. A wave of nervousness was opening up the subdued floodgates of emotions within you. Curiosity won over though. As per usual, you could never control yourself when it came to him. He was your best friend after all, random 'morning call' was a normalcy between you two. Why should it be different now? 

'Hello?', you answered in a steady voice. Your inner self cheering quietly at this small win. You would never let him notice just how affected you were by his unexpected call. 

'Hi', a shuffling sound could be heard from his side, it sounded like he just dropped something. Knowing him and his clumsiness, the assumption was likely to be true. He continued when it sounded calmer 'Sorry, I accidentally dropped my glasses, did I wake you up?' 

Ha, I was right after all. Deciding to walk the sassy route, you replied, 'No, you didn't. I'm still awake which is exactly why I can pick up the phone, you see' 

His chortle reverberated through the line, 'Nope, I can't see it. This is a voice call not a video one, you hear?' 

'Wow. Real funny, Johnny. Really. I can barely hold my laughter', you could not hold back your smile this time. 

'When was I ever not funny? I am the funniest man in your life!'

'Oh shut up, John', you groaned. Not long after the exchange of silly banters, you both were smoothly falling into mindless ramble. Conversing with Johnny was easy. You both had quick wit and an ability to jump from one topic to another in the speed of light, there was almost no moment of silence to fill the gap. 

'By the way, did you remember the gathering on our freshmen year?'

'Hmm? The one on the basketball field? It was on our first week of college, wasn't it?', he answered correctly. 

'Yeah, that exact one! I'm impressed, you've got good memory.' 

He snorted, 'Duh, of course I do. What about it, anyway?' 

You were going to describe that certain day but he beat you to it, 

'I even remembered that it was the day where we first met. I bet you forgot that fact already, right?' 

Thrown off guard, you were. Now that you think about it, Johnny was the one who took your photograph from that day. 

Shit. 

How could you be so dense? That day turned out to be not shitty at the end. You remembered a tall guy in denim shirt, confidently (and randomly) throwing a witty remark in your conversation—or more like a soliloquy consisting of whines and nags about the event—'I agree this is a shitshow. Why are we even here anyway.' Not gonna lie, you were judging him hard at that time. 

'Oh God. How could I forget you? You were the weird stranger who jumped on another stranger convos.', you opened the forgotten laptop on your bed to see the picture again. 

He squawked indignantly 'Hey! You were the shameless girl with no sense of public decency. Your hateful commentary was not very graceful either.' 

You did not really pay any heed to his words because once again you were curious about the picture. 'I only had literally one remembrance from that horrible gathering and it was a picture which was taken by you.' 

'Which one? Send it to me, I wanna see it' he demanded.

'I'll send you okay, chill.' You logged in to your messenger to send it to him. 'The weird thing from the photo is that I looked unrealistically happy ' 

He laughed 'That's morbid, what the fuck. What's wrong with being happy—Wait I just got the picture.' 

There was a five second silence before he continued 'Well, you did look genuinely happy in it.' 

'I know right? This is so weird because we all know just how shitty that gathering was.' 

He hummed in response 'Perhaps..' 

His words lingered and honestly your lack of sleep did not have time for this unnecessary pause. 'Perhaps what, John?' 

'Well, perhaps you smiled like that because of me' 

It would have been funny, you could have laughed at his words. Hell, you could entertain him by saying how he had been right. Of course, Johnny-honey. You brightened up my day! 

However you just could not bring yourself to joke along. Somehow you sensed that something.. something was off. He was uncharacteristically serious. It even seemed that he was hesitant to say it, as if he was scared of your reaction yet at the same time, he sincerely anticipated it. 

The time gap has been way too long now, none of you dared to say anything. It felt like tip-toeing around a ticking bomb, you both were one second away before the eventual awkwardness. 

You took a glimpse at the clock on the wall, it was currently way past 3 A.M. Maybe your sleep deprivation pushed you to making a rash decision or there was a glitch in your system. 

‘I think so, too.’ you finally breathed out the long overdue answer. 

It was eerily silent, your reply sounded like a hush of wind. You were not even sure he listened to it at all. You hoped he did, though.

‘…You do?’, there was a hint of shock in his voice.. but it did not have an unpleasant tone in it. In contrary, he sounded thoroughly pleased by your answer ‘You really, truly do?’

You were pretty sure by now that he was clearly overjoyed, he sounded like a hyper puppy. Weird comparison, you brain that was wired for linguistic fluency has apparently went fried. 

‘Yeah’ you tried so hard to stop your smile. Biting your lips, hiding your excitement—and failing. 

He suddenly cracked up, it was the infamous boisterous laugh of his, contagious. You ended up laughing with him as well. It was all silly, the situation was all kinds of ridiculous. What were you both even laughing about, your own stupidity? 

The laughter died out not long after, you wept off a tear from your eye. A consequence you had to face due to uncontrollable guffaws. 

‘I’m glad, then.’ He said, ‘Going to that damned gathering was one of the best decisions I made, honestly.’ 

‘Why? ‘Cos you got to meet me?’ you teased him. 

He chuckled, ‘Yeah’ 

‘Okay, then.’ 

‘Just okay?’ 

‘More than okay.’ 

[carafinn]

Crash Landers

pairing: kageyama tobio/ tsukishima kei  prompt: tsukkikage + pacific rim AU (SASO ‘17) summary:  In which Tsukishima Kei, J-tech mechanic extraordinaire, tries to stop an infuriatingly stubborn Kageyama Tobio from piloting his Jaeger solo. Pacific Rim AU.

also on ao3.

“I’m not doing this,” Kageyama snaps, making a beeline for the exit, only to be manually dragged back onto the bed.

“Pilot induction program,” Tsukishima announces, and Kageyama splutters. (It is not one of his prouder moments.) “Now sit down and listen.”

“I’ve been piloting for four years,” Kageyama retorts, feeling personally attacked in spite of himself.

“Which is why this is long overdue,” Tsukishima says, coolly. “Now, pay attention to point number one on the screen. Did you know that, even after controlling for confounding variables, the odds ratio of mortality associated with piloting solo is-"

It’s 5 AM on a Thursday morning when Kageyama is awakened by a series of furious tapping on his door, followed by the sound of something crashing, and - "Listen up, you crazy lunatic," announces the tall, blonde-haired stranger looming at his doorway, impervious as to 1. Kageyama's withering glare, 2. the fact that it is 5 AM in the morning, 3. the fact that Kageyama is wearing nothing but boxers, and 4. any concept of basic human decency and personal space. "I heard the higher ups cleared your request to pilot my jaeger alone." Kageyama barely has the time to interject with the half-choked sound of an enraged animal before the stranger continues on, in his infuriatingly obnoxious tone, "While I don't particularly care about whether your brain turns into soup, I'll have you know that Delta Lux was built to withstand five point three billion volts of electrical energy, three hundred and twenty-two tonnes of Kaiju waste, but not sheer human idiocy." It takes a while for Kageyama's brain to process the crazy asshole's soliloquy and the accompanying insult, in no small part because the speech, while impassioned in content, was delivered via a quiet, deadpan monotone. "Who are - why is - fucking 5 AM," is all that Kageyama manages. He winces. "Tsukishima kei, because I built Delta Lux, and a good morning to you too," the stranger says, each syllable slow and deliberate and positively oozing vitriol, before breaking into a particularly sadistic grin. When he leaves the room the door slams behind him. Kageyama spends the rest of the morning in a particularly livid mood, but promptly writes off the incident from his mind by noon. The Tsukishima guy’s probably another crazy weirdo, which is no anomaly because Shatterdome's teeming with them; living in a confined environment, and the incredible pressure of being on constant alert, will do that to anyone, even those in possession of any reasonable degree of coping skills. Not that Kageyama’s being a hypocrite about it; if someone calls him bonkers - well, he's never pretended to be anything else. (He really should've known better than to just write the incident off, though; crazy lunatics are nothing if not perversely obstinate. That’s how he’d gotten the clearance from the higher ups to do solo piloting to begin with, by refusing to step foot into a jaeger so long as it meant working with anyone else.) (That, and the fact that Kageyama Tobio is the most promising pilot Shatterdome’s seen in five years, and also because the one person he used to be drift compatible with is now gloriously and irrevocably dead. Not that Kageyama blames himself for it, or anything. No, these things happen to the best of them. Every night Kageyama sits in his room, smokes cigarettes after cigarettes, and his hands shake but his eyes do not water.) The next day, this time at 3 AM in the morning, Kageyama is awakened yet again by the door being flung open unceremoniously. This time without even knocking. Just how low can this Tsukishima guy sink? Kageyama starts to splutter indignantly (”but I installed a lock last night!”), to which Tsukishima just looks at him pityingly with a glance that clearly states “a contraption of that calibre wouldn’t be able to stop a cognitively challenged three-year-old toddler, to say nothing of the accomplished technician that I am.” Before Kageyama has the time to grab the nearest alarm clock and smash it into Tsukishima’s damn face, however, his finds his senses assaulted by a powerpoint slide being projected onto the wall, titled, Why You Should Not Pilot Solo. Upon closer inspection, Tsukishima seems to be holding a projector in his hands. It takes Kageyama a few moments to suspend his disbelief because, firstly, do these things still exist? “I’m not doing this,” Kageyama snaps, making a beeline for the exit, only to be manually dragged back onto the bed.

“Pilot induction program,” Tsukishima announces, and Kageyama splutters. (It is not one of his prouder moments.) “Now sit down and listen.��� “I’ve been piloting for four years,” Kageyama retorts, feeling personally attacked in spite of himself. “Which is why this is long overdue,” Tsukishima says, coolly. “Now, pay attention to point number one on the screen. Did you know that, even after controlling for confounding variables, the odds ratio of mortality associated with piloting solo is - ” “What is wrong with you!” “I’d leave all questions until the Q&A section after the presentation,” Tsukishima informs him loftily. “Unless you’re interrupting because you can’t understand the technical terms, in which case I still do not care. Moving on -” This cannot be happening. Fifty five minutes and seventy convoluted slides later, Tsukishima turns off the projector, switches the lights back on, and throws Kageyama a long, withering glance that somehow manages to convey the very specific message of “if Delta Lux gets destroyed because you died while piloting it, it will be entirely your fault, and I will spit on your grave”. (By now, Kageyama is starting to suspect that Tsukishima’s entire repertoire of expressions can be divided cleanly to either ‘intensely dispassionate’ or ‘oddly specific derisiveness’, with nothing in between.) Tsukishima then stalks out of the room without a single word. So much for the Q&A section. Because Kageyama is one more sleep deprived night from being driven well past the point of irreversible insanity, he feels approximately zero remorse in storming into the J-tech headquarters the following day and demanding for directions to Tsukishima’s desk from the first person he sees. “Tsukishima’s office is on the right, two aisles down,” says the stricken looking boy at the front desk. So the asshole’s bigshot enough to get an office to himself. Whatever, Kageyama doesn’t care. Anyway, the lesser the audience when he beats the guy into a pulp, the better. He storms down the aisle purposefully and flings the door open. “Stop breaking into my room every morning, you sick lunatic,” Kageyama begins, brimming with indignant rage, only to realise that he is speaking to an empty room. Or rather, an uninhabited room. To call the place empty would be a far stretch of the imagination; for someone whose entire persona exudes stick-up-his-ass, Tsukishima’s office is surprisingly messy. There are random jaeger models littered on the floor, volumes and volumes of papers weighted down by an equally alarming number of books, and post-it notes covering almost every inch of wall space possible. The only desk in the room has been delegated to a sad corner, although Kageyama cannot reliably tell if it is indeed a desk or a block of wood that has been scribbled on and covered by a stack of blueprints that probably weighed more than it. Kageyama is about to leave the room when he catches sight of a photo pinned onto the wall, and his heart stops cold. It’s Kindaichi. Or rather, it’s a piece of paper with Kindaichi’s mugshot stuck onto it, along with a photo of the jaeger he’d been piloting when he died. Underneath it are paragraphs after paragraphs of furious scribbles: ejection pod JAMMED: backup energy for future models???? alt energ sources? discuss w Y ^date engine model -> DO NOT SACRIFICE STABILITY FOR PROPULSION/SPEED recalculate/redesign - KIV discuss next meeting ??funding?? KIV - change contractors?? SM wing material carbon fiber - durability?? SM contact - LM That’s when Kageyama realises that the entire wall has been covered with these papers: photos of jaeger pilots who’d died in the line of duty, complete with painstakingly tedious analyses of every possible flaw pertaining to the jaegers they’d flown, and methods for improvement. Jaegers that Tsukishima had helped to build. Pages after pages of them, tacked on with a dizzying amount of post-its and increasingly desperate scribbles. Whatever goes through Tsukishima’s mind when he looks up from his work and sees these reminders on his walls, day after day? When Tsukishima stormed into his room the other day, said things like, “Delta Lux was built to withstand five point three billion volts of electrical energy”, it wasn’t because he was trying to show off. It’s a startling realisation, Kageyama thinks, not least because this is a very different side to the impervious man who’d rattled off statistics and numbers in that oddly detached tone, just hours ago, as if he were reciting a sales pitch to a blank wall. It’s a startling realisation, to realise that anyone cares for you at all.

Driven by two-parts curiosity and one-part something he can’t quite name, Kageyama Tobio slips into the HR office later that day, and discovers a few things about Tsukishima Kei: 1. Tsukishima Kei is the youngest jaeger engineer to ever join Shatterdome, but he has spearheaded more than six major projects in an equal number of years. 2. Tsukishima Kei specialises in making jaegers that feature heavily in defense, especially against Kaiju Blue. Delta Lux, his newest creation, has an additional novel function of detoxifying Kaiju waste. 3. Before he became a technician, Tsukishima Kei had trained to become a pilot for a year. 4. Tsukishima Kei’s brother, Akiteru, used to be a jaeger pilot. He died in battle six years ago. When Kageyama drops by Tsukishima’s office in the evening, he finds Tsukishima glaring pointedly at a life sized blueprint of what looks like a design of the jaeger’s driver seat, with a sort of single minded ferocity that would likely induce a secondhand headache in Kageyama if he stared for ten more seconds. “I - I went back to Ops,” Kageyama blurts out, and is promptly awarded with the rare (and oddly satisfying) sight of Tsukishima startling before he whips his head around and stares. “Told them I changed my mind. They’re gonna start finding drift compatible partners for me starting tomorrow.” Tsukishima looks at him for a long, unnerving moment, his face impassive. “Good for you,” he finally says, as if this isn’t the intended outcome he’d spent two days tormenting Kageyama for. He turns back and continues to glare determinedly at the blueprint without another word. Kageyama almost goes up to shake him and maybe yell really loudly, or something, but decides to exercise extreme self-restraint and keep his mouth shut instead. There’s a few more seconds of radio silence, and then - “You know, if you could adjust the - the design of the seat to allow it to withstand the pressure during acceleration and deceleration, it would help a lot. Not so much for the impact when we launch but more like - when we exchange blows with the Kaiju and the impact sends us crashing into things, especially in cities or mountainous terrains - ” Tsukishima turns to stare at Kageyama again, but this time his gaze has sharpened with renewed interest. “Anyway, I’m just gonna - get going now,” Kageyama continues, hastily, as he inches towards the door. “Just don’t come barging into my room again tonight -” “No,” Tsukishima says just as Kageyama is almost out the door, causing him to almost reel back in surprise. “Tell me more.” Kageyama blinks. "You mean tell you more about the design?"

"No, I meant tell me more about your horoscope," Tsukishima snaps. Jerk.

Kageyama scowls. “I mean, it’s like when you’re turning and the jaeger goes ZNNNG and then you’re like BAAAM and - ” “Are those even human words?” Tsukishima interjects, looking two parts aghast and one small, tiny part almost amused. Kageyama is beginning to realise that Tsukishima is, in fact, capable of conveying expressions other than complete apathy and/ or derision. “I’m trying to be realistic,” Kageyama retorts, sounding a lot more annoyed than he actually is. “What, do you need me to do it in a powerpoint?” It earns him an unexpected smirk from Tsukishima. He's wildcard, this Tsukishima guy. “You know, that would be great.” It’s going to be another long night, but this time Kageyama thinks that he doesn’t actually mind. (Sometimes Kageyama catches Tsukishima staring at the rows of photos on the wall, an unreadable expression crossing his face; and then Tsukishima will notice Kageyama staring, and hastily look away. Kageyama doesn't say anything, doesn't have anything to say, but the knowledge settles, quietly, like a deep layer of dust on his heart.) It takes them five months to find Kageyama a drift compatible partner. Hinata Shouyou’s a wild, inconsistent thing, runs on too much pure instinct and too little restraint; drifting with him is like wielding a razor thin blade without a hilt. Kageyama, on the other hand, has precision down to a fine art. It is a recipe for an unthinkably disastrous outcome, and they really shouldn’t work out but they do. Above and beyond all else, however, Hinata is malleable. Kageyama has witnessed pilots bending and breaking under the sheer pressure of the battlefield, even during simulations and before stepping into an actual jaeger; Hinata might bend, but no matter how despairing the circumstance he will always remain forgeable. In their field there are few qualities more important than resilience. “We’re gonna be kept off duty for a while,” Kageyama tells Tsukishima the night after his first successful drift with Hinata. They’re lounging in Tsukishima’s office (when did this become routine?), although it’s not so much lounging as it is perched precariously amongst haphazard islands of blueprints and engine models. “Hinata’s gonna need six months’ worth of intensive training, and then we’re gonna pilot Delta Lux.” Tsukishima snorts, and doesn’t look up from the stack of notebooks he’s scribbling furiously into. “He can wait that long?” “He’s busy being ecstatic over the fact that he’s found someone drift compatible,” Kageyama acknowledges begrudgingly, and Tsukishima lets out something between an amused snort and a dismissive tch before diverting his complete attention to his notebook. Kageyama’s not jealous of a few pieces of paper, don’t be ridiculous. “What about you? Are you glad?” Kageyama asks, not sure as to why he’s asking, but does so anyway out of sheer curiosity. “That I found someone drift compatible, I mean.” This time Tsukishima doesn’t turn to face him, but the hand holding onto the pencil hovers, momentarily, in mid-air. “Don’t ask ridiculous questions,” is the reply. “You were gonna have to find a co-pilot eventually.” A pause, then: “We’ve finalised the pilot seat design based on what you told me the last time. If I harass the team frequently enough, they’ll be able to make the changes by the time you pilot the jaeger.” And even though it is not quite the answer he is looking for, Kageyama smiles anyway.

Kageyama doesn't know how, much less why, he ends up spending most of his free time lounging in Tsukishima's office, but it happens anyway. Sometimes they discuss jaeger designs; other times they engage in something that almost approximates small talk. Mostly, though, they go about their own work in a comfortable silence. If Tsukishima was initially resistant against the idea - "stop hovering around, you're distracting me" - his resistance against Kageyama's presence dwindles considerably as the days go by. Kageyama even makes friends with Tsukishima's colleague, Yamaguchi, whom Tsukishima is surprisingly tolerant (and perhaps, shockingly, even fond) of; sometimes even Hinata joins in the fray, and Tsukishima will throw a half-hearted hissy fit about how disruptive everyone is being, he's going to kick everyone out of the damn office, but for the most part no one takes his threats seriously. (One day, too tired caught up in training for his daily round of hovering around Tsukishima's office, Kageyama returns to his dorm room way past midnight and crashes into his bed. When he wakes up there's a large carton of milk on his dressing table, and a familiar neon green post-it note, the blue ink smudged from coming into contact with condensation: collected this from breakfast drink BEFORE 11AM or it WILL SPOIL. Kageyama laughs in spite of himself, takes a long swig, goes back to bed, closes his eyes, sleeps.) Kageyama will, much later, learn to look back at these days as one would an Indian summer: fondly, and wistfully. Always with nostalgia. As it turns out, they end up piloting Delta Lux two full months ahead of schedule, before Hinata can complete his training program. The Kaiju’s been attacking more frequently and with greater intensity, smashing through entire cities like they were made of paper mache; the general consensus was that nobody could wait that long. Right before he sets off, Kageyama stops by Tsukishima's office. Partly out of habit. "I'm leaving now," he tells Tsukishima, who's perched atop a mountainous pile of blueprints, fiddling with an engine model and a particularly nasty looking screwdriver. On the surface Tsukishima looks like he's going about doing his work as per normal; yet every so often the mask will slip, and his gaze will fall, inevitably, on those photos pinned onto his wall. "Just thought I should tell you." "See you," Tsukishima says, simply, and it is testament to how far they've come that Kageyama picks up a bestseller between those two words. Kageyama turns to leave the room, but stops abruptly in his steps. "You'll take them off when I come back, won't you?" Kageyama asks. "Those notes and photos of the ex-pilots on your wall." And Tsukishima Kei, being the fucking wildcard that he is, breaks into a smile (a smile smile, not a smirk or a sneer), says, "it's a deal." Addendum: As promised, the photos and notes and post-its are removed five days later; the wall is empty for approximately two days, until hinata decides to decorate it liberally with photos of the four of them.

[flappyfluellen]

So I read the Merry Wives of Windsor

...and I have a lot of thoughts!!

To tell the truth, I got into this play because of Hugh Evans. And my theater friends.

Basically what happened was—I was surfing the Shakespeare internet when suddenly I came across a page on how Shakespeare writes accents. There was one on Welsh accents, which intrigued me. After all, Fluellen is quite possibly my favorite character in Shakespeare, and I’m pretty interested in Welsh culture, thanks to him. However, I was under the impression that Fluellen and Glendower (and that one random Welsh soldier dude from Richard II) were the only Welsh people in Shakespeare. Turns out I was wrong—Sir Hugh Evans is a Welsh parson from Merry Wives. And, then to my utter astonishment, it turns out he has more lines than Fluellen or Glendower!

So of course I was very interested in finding out just who this Evans guy was. Originally I didn’t plan on reading the entire play—just looking through a couple summaries, maybe. However, the factor that fully convinced me was that some of my theater friends (who were in Henry V with me) were currently in a production of Merry Wives. I had a good conversation with them about it, as well as talking with some of my other Shakespeare-obsessed friends (shoutout to @tragicdanishlesbians !), and decided—this play sounds interesting; I’m gonna read it, why the hell not.

…Anyway, all that goes to show that I read the play (in three days actually), and quite thoroughly enjoyed it.

I feel like I should primarily address Evans, since he got me into this whole thing. He’s great. Arguably extraneous, but eh, I love him. He gets mocked for his accent and Welsh-ness a couple times, though, which is… unfortunate. Lots of references to stereotypically Welsh things, like cheese or flannels. Especially cheese. (also, perhaps he and Fluellen could be brothers?) My favorite scene of his is certainly the one where he’s quizzing William on Latin verb conjugations and Nell Quickly entirely misinterprets it… that was pretty hilarious. And he sings to himself when he’s scared?! Aww.

Also the best line in the entire play: “Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!”

I feel like I’ve spent way too much time discussing Evans. He is in no way the most important character in the play. Here, let me speak to some of the others.

Mistess Ford & Page? The badass women Windsor deserves. 10/10 love these women. They take no shit from Falstaff nor their husbands, and are pretty much the driving forces of the play. Honestly, what more can I say? And Ford’s line about them is pretty great: "I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.”

Even the play is named after them—they are the Merry Wives: "We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, / Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: / We do not act that often jest and laugh; / 'Tis old, but true, still swine eat all the draff."

However, in all honesty, I think that Ford is the most interesting character in the play. At the beginning, he’s just kind of your standard jealous husband. It’s all fun and games. But then Falstaff calls him a cuckold about five times in one speech, and suddenly this happens…

"Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at … Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! Wittol! —Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. … I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese … than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises…"

This soliloquy of Ford’s really struck me because it’s so intense. He’s essentially saying that being called a cuckold is worse than being called a devil: I would certainly liken it to some of Othello’s or Leontes’ speeches. Though of course, Ford is different from Othello or Leontes (or Claudio from Much Ado) because he actually has pretty good reason to suggest his wife is unfaithful. And yet… he’s actually a lot more humane about it? Yes, he has this intense speech (which really speaks to his anxieties)—but he doesn’t slander or kill *cough* Othello *cough* his wife. And he apologizes to her afterwards. Which is great!

Of course, since Merry Wives is a comedy, it doesn’t explore these darker themes as much as a play like Othello or Winter’s Tale would. However, I would still argue that there are elements of darkness in the play. One is the theme of cuckoldry. Another is the treatment of Falstaff.

For the most part, Falstaff’s humiliation is hilarious. He deserves a lot of it. The whole laundry-basket thing is fantastic. But… it seems to me that they almost go too far? “We cannot misuse him enough,” says Mistress Page. The last scene is pretty great, in my opinion, but still—they burn him with candles! I’m not sure how I feel about that! It seems to parallel the treatment of Malvolio in Twelfth Night, almost...

Some more thoughts!

Poor Quickly, working for all those different people. Also, she’s not as badass in this play as she was in Henry IV—but, well.

I wonder when this play is set, in regards to Henry IV? The only mention of characters in H4 looks to be this offhand line of Page’s regarding Fenton: "The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much."

I find it kind of hilarious that Slender and Caius ended up accidentally marrying boys.

Re. Caius… wtf dude?? He is a little Too Obsessed with Anne Page. And then when he hears that Evans encouraged Slender to woo Anne, all of a sudden he’s like I WILL KILL YOU EVANS and it’s actually really intense and disturbing. Dude. Chill. Please. Evans deserves 0% of this and tbh neither does Anne nor Simple.

I don’t really understand how Caius and Evans got revenge on the Host…? Did that ever happen? Was it connected to that random horse-stealing incident? idk.

Re. the whole subplot with Anne Page and her suitors—I’m glad she got to marry who she wanted in the end! That was really great.

There was so much horn imagery… obviously relating to cuckoldry, but still interesting.

Most of the play is in prose! It was interesting to note the rare places where they switch to verse (most notably, when talking about magic, Herne the hunter, etc)

Bottom line? Merry Wives is a fun play. It is in no way as deep as some of Shakespeare’s other comedies—but hey, it’s a comedy. It’s fun. It’s got a good story. Lots of laughs. And even some little hints at a darker nature. Not for people unfamiliar with Shakespeare—but for those who are, I would recommend it!

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars      Revenge

Fun fact; I acc-         idental-ly started the wrong episode

       [So a little Spoiled]

   Didn’t make it far past the intro of          “Re-Vival,”

     [Past           “Outer Rim,”]

      Onto the actual             episode;

       [Logo Red]                   Still weakest-

      [also yeah whatever happened to      Grievous?

     Like, he complained about it being           beneath him,

      And then      we never saw him        again,

    That entire-    episode;

    As well as        Ana kin;

   That entire        dinner          scene;

      [Seriously was that only for cheap trick to     establish tension?.]      [Obi         -Wan           ]  

      Oh yeah      he straight up       murdered         a person

      [Fun.     -          little de          tail-]

       (Like yeah he murders a lot of people        but I’m pretty sure      that was a big one)

    -

  Any how,    

     ?           Aight             -      oh yeah 

return    -ing       to the abuser-

    -       

   ?    Can      Relate-          -    B-r

   He’s - basically screaming

     Also couldn’t you just set it to auto pilot -

     - and go take care of him?

      Like - I know it’s a junker

       Also-

  Oh,

   You left the person-

    Who are you found curled            -up,           Under several things-            Of garbage-             In a quite literal            labyrinth,

         In an enclosed space            ~with no way to get to you-             ~ if something goes wrong           and/or              they feel afraid

            ~Like~          Trauma is it’s own animal and venting is fucking weird

          But if you’re going to be involved-

            I don’t think throwing them in the back is the best idea-

            Like yeah

           The idea in this case is sending them to accoun-                 tability-

           With just           them-selves-

            But the difference-

           Is it just a sterile environment         with the basics they need to survive,

            And an environment that is stable and pretty            much completely in their control,

          [as much that can be allowed]

           Here there are  plenty of boxes                   (Things out of               control-)         and the vehicle is constantly moving

            No wonder        dude’s               freaking                 Out,

           [You’re                  Damn-

   [Point        being;

      Savage’s           bedside             manner;          Accoun-tability?                Pretty               bad,

                 [Like even I am most known for my                       vengeance,                         And you know it’s bad                        when I’m telling you to cut him a                      fecking break]

                     Like                          dude’s                    pathetic,

                    [Can’t help pity-                         ]                        [Enabler]

 That also makes a lot of sense

Like, yeah he’s far above the ground

         When stability-

   [Dude ate the full       tox]

 [Like dude completely bought his own        lies]

 I-  don’t know how to feel about that situation other than please take him to accountability  before he hurts him self        Please,

 ,

Yeah gaslighting will clearly help    toaster strudel,       here,

      ?            ?

    How are you supposed to do that when           you trapped him in an         en-closed           Space-

         ?

        Dude some ship contain-ers shifted and now you’re blaming him for not moving,

        (Like I get the implication that he scared and he moved it in front but we really didn’t see much to indicate that)

       Like they just moved on their     own,

    And dude did literally nothing to help his cornered brother out of the thing

    [like I’m not for enabling tox]

   But self-defense and         anticipatory           [as well as innocent until            done guilt,                   “

   Is pretty high     on my list of reserv         -ations,

         [Gen             Stick as close to              Account.                as possible,               -]

            ?

          Yeah probably a good idea           considering War zone,

            ?

           Yeah they’ve         been dead for a while and did it largely of their              own regard-                  ,

              ?

            Yeah             sucks for him,

           Coming back,

              To this

             [also you think the Flashy amulet would be telling him not to because you know the attack ,

             Green smoke

             [Time to get        gasolighten]        -          ?

    Mother-       -         He-re

   Clearly dead

   [and your      Gen clearly didn’t have medical on staff              .               Like yeah they have magic that can bring back the dead but they don’t know first aid,

         Great

 [For witches they really don’t know a lot about      herbs and      stuff

  (The Cauldron       yeah,)

    Which is weird because   mred is generally associated with physical    knowledge

   (The science       s)

   And he did a real good job,

    Like we-akest dude on the board whose job amounts to         widespread warfare           (But a pretty disastrous record in          guerilla warfare)

        And you still lost him with the late present playing in              (What was even their focuses              ?)

      Su-rvive

     Lady, there is one of you,

     Two if you count Ventress,

  Unless,

   Oh no

   Nope keep your weird       creepy re-venge        cult,

      In the past,

      ?

       -

    “Would,”

          [which is why            I didn’t get him                 myself         ]

                    [Better]

                    [For                        Every

                     One,]

        “Damage                  ed,”

     Which is why I brought            him to you              Gas-lighter                         -                   “Life,”

    Oh instead of taking into accountability

         Let’s subject him to more                 abuse;

            Some                   Thing             The past        is tox,

  Would definitely be better for him to wake up in a nice        warm place with food,

    Kenobi

   Didn’t he     just rem-ember that         now?

      Like;

     Why is there the        rattling of chains?

     (Oh yeah let’s re-introduced to          enabler to its toxic abuser;

        Like yeah           I know it’s still there            because he didn’t deal with it,

          But he’s clearly not in the head space

            [Seriously just send the bastard to accountability]

                  [empathetically]                          Gas light

                     [i’m trying not to make as many jokes about the gaslighting but that is a literal gaslight]

                     Hey isn’t that the    illusion of help,

                     [Also how is that supposed to help with the        crates?]

     Also yeah wouldn’t that piss him off more because of light, light saber the last time that occurred?

     [Like I’m not saying don’t use herbs on the guy who got injured, I’m just saying try to make it less pain...ful?

              Ok, seriously those boxes were a lot hotter to move a few seconds ago what the heck

        [it’s not major.     but it is a minor          thing?]

          .                  F-ollow

        And make the injured, toxic dous-ed-              Person run,

           (This family’s bedside manner is               fuckin awful,

             His horns?

              Seriously is no one          going to help him,

               ?

   And a graveyard

    Perfect nothing better to put your patients at ease then being surrounded by the dead women’s of the last patients

                 Great

    Guessing the surgery isn’t going to be approved by any            surgeons lately-

         ?

        Un-attainable

         ?

       Geez,

        Like some herbs could’ve done that you didn’t need to     poke him,

        Like how is that supposed to help him go to    sleep?

      ?

      That’s clearly not sleeping,

       Which is good because that’s not a           Gaslighter talent         (TALENT is used          very loosely here,)

     “Symptom”       is more           like it,

        [Like, that was         fear as he fell back and she        poked him in the face,]

Aw,

  [This was way too screwed up to be             Complete acceptance of guilt                    And healing,

               So,

              Symbolism wise,

    I’m going to have to go with more gaslighting

  Aka, pretending to fix the       issue,

      Because that’s not how it works in either a       psychological sense or            (Obvious               ly           Medical)

                                                        The witches                                                              practice                                                           pho-science

                          Not a line                              I’d thought                            I’d be uttering,

                                   But up to this point they’ve been keeping it mostly on point for gaslighting        (Sy-mbolism)

                       Here it   kinda breaks down,

                        Like, how

Unless    it’s higher point.

     But No.

    Scene         doesn’t really make       sense,

 (Like the     ani-      mation have no idea what    theo-      retically          is going on,

         Emotions,                Nada,

 Damn, herbs       Lady, herbs,

  Like,        I don’t-      Think        The      Medicals        Would          Be         Too       Happy,          With the lack           of            anesthetic              There,

       (Like             Geez-  Think dude would        ra-

      ?

  (Like that’s some       tox feckin      medical lady,)

    Also great now he’s gone unconscious from stress; hopefully you didn’t emotionally scar the bastard,

       Geez,

     Yeah I would’ve that kinda      frozen terror reaction to if that shit happen  

    “Ow!”

     Like, dude, no wonder,

    ?

    Feels wrong,

    Oh, those were his feet

    Also yeah leave your patient in a terrifying          ce-met-        ery

   I don’t think anyone could       blame       me for feeling bad for this guy at this point,

    Like lady is a bunch of malpractices wrapped in a bunch of         ‘fucking don’t’

     Terrible bedside

        Tor-ment-

         Legs

     [Honestly, surprised         dude isn’t screaming in terror, pain and agony

      [That take some serious breathing exercises]

      [excuse me if I sound a bit pho-science]           ]

      Geez

    Re-stored

   Not the      word,

   Some humor      might’ve been appreciated there

    Also yeah what about his organs and      shit?

     How.

   [i’m getting too much in the    medical.

   Just,

   This,     shouldn’t have wor      -k       -ed           -            Seriously 

   That is your reaction?

   [I was honestly expecting          his vocal cords             to be shot,]

      Like I was not expecting Lord Butter              of the Fucking Edgy

        Was expecting like a       stutter or some thing,

      [You know a gradual recovery       Period]

      Dude talking like it’s been a few months, a few years since this whole thing went down

     “ oh yes it was a very dark place.”

        Like I feel like that’s kind of cheating,

         Like,

         That shouldn’t            have fixed it,

         You just ran past a very             interesting conflict           with space magic-

         [Like I guess I don’t have to worry about his grudges              with anyone]

       -and Tal-Zin surprisingly didn’t use this make the        trauma go away button with           Ventress

            [That feels like              cheating,]

             Oh, so he has probl-e-ms                 sta-nding?

               [Like, what?

                Is the            problem?

                 ]

                 Also yeah don’t help him at all dude

           Like going on about how           im-portant he is-

                                  I mean his bed-side-

            No on second thought you stay over there, you’ll probably attempt to gaslight him otherwise,

             Anyway after that Adventure in  Malpractice and Gaslighting                    ,              Dark music,

            Just stumbles          ar-ound,

       Sur-vive

       ?

      Was that an an-swer?

       I-

     Well that went from Captain Butter I-am-       Over-it,

     To Murder,

    Pretty damn         fast,

       ,

     Also what about the male tribe,       you know where these guys came from?

    Like Ventress only screwed with a small portion of    them,

    (Like a significant portion of their offspring        , but not the whole village)

       Then that other          village?

       (The one-   on the other planet?)

     Any-way,

    Stop

 Well this just went    from one to     basket Case-       -  

[Ok where did this come from?]

  [what’s-       with the soliloquy)         ]

    -        Found

   Seriously,

    Whoa,

    Like that   anger takes time to build up,

   Don’t get me     wrong   I’m no expert on space magic;

  However this is why I have issue with magic;

                  [Specifically                         non-elemental;                         (Earth, water                         fire, air,                            And                          Lightning)

                          Because you have to be really specific about what it represents and get the side effects right

         Otherwise it’s just a reality breaking                    cheap trick,

                     Skipping past a lot of interesting    conflict and emotions,

                     [Had they done that and just started it off at   some     random           Emotional)         Plot point)

       I think I could follow              -ed it easier,              (Or at all)

        Because right now he’s just acting very inconsistently and        irrationally

  (And not the           emotional     “drank the whole bottle of          tox,”           ,The puppet shouting lines with no connection with each other, making absolutely no sense            Kind

 Like “Congrats, you’ve got the emotion        now you need the consistency,”

      (You can’t have your time skip      and        your emotional conflict too,

    They are connected    and you have to earn them,

         E-motion

   (Yeah,        people who swallowed the whole tox pill don’t tend          To be        very good at that,)

      That’s why they’re sent accountability

       So there’s no additional pressure

       (And they can go through the long relatively painful process in as much peace as possible,  should they decide            to,

      In-stead of stewing in their own      mi-sery-            -                |.  

         ?

    Heck did you find     that?

     Like he and his light saber presumably fell to the ground and will deliver to the same dump,

      (Is that Savage’s?)

        ?

          Or an        instigating abuser who has less power than literally anyone else                 (Their victims)

            Aside from the                Gen break,

              -                   Great recap

             It’s completely unnatural 

     and forced,

              [Like you could’ve had him slowly regain his memory and repeat this back,

         This being like a prime recovery arc moment

           The arc words     of recovery,

      But you rushed it

       Now, it’s non-       sense,

       [This is why    you have to take time doing things,]

         Heck it didn’t even have to be an               arc long-

           Maul runs the top of a hill,                 With Savage- cha                  s-ing,

              [Stops suddenly,]

               [Silence]

               [you get a nice cinematic shot of the sun or some of the     celestial bodies,

     [with the emotions im-plied of      someone who just came back to        life-]

       [and is seeing the world         sentient for the first time,             ]

        “I-

          [Fumbled                   for              Words]

             I- was                   -The                      Appren-

               [Really adding               that depth of                 loss,]

                 [Savage possibly                        taking his shoulder,                     possibly emphasizing                            a new edge                          to his character,      An empathetic one,

                   “you can start anew,”

                    “C’mon let’s head back to the                      ship,”  

                       [Guide Maul back to the ship

                        [Dying sunlight]             

 For some      humor;         *Turns           Back,            Keys           hanging           off          finger,”

     “you can ride          in the front           this time             around,”

     [MIGHT BE TOO             FLUFFY]

    [Can adjust       using color scheme;         And more aggressive              tone,]

           So, yeah, that was episode              [not the side pieces]

    The first half         was         relatively good...

      Before promptly descending into        bat shit insanity        (Not in the good               way....)

      [Around the resurrection of Maul              from the           gas magic)

  From there,         The tone gets pretty thin        and intel..

     With the brief whiff           of emotion,

        That barely passes decent            on the fun scale,

          Not passing fun

         Just luke warm humor,

             Over images                  happening,

             With little (or-no                   connection)-

                ?                       [They still haven’t fixed Obi-wan’s                           eyes,                           Or his tone,                             Or his                               face,

                           Man is like an expression- less       Emotion-less doll,]

                               Competing with Anakin                                  for the youngest looking Jedi

                              [not sure if that was the point with the re-assignment      surgery/     Facial   reconstruction).      Arc

   But they really need to talk with the med Droid         that approved that       and get a       fix,

    The inability to express emotion        isn’t cute,

     (He looks        like a toy!)

     -Not Good-

     -

[avanneman]

Ed Rogers, Hustler Without a Hustle, Politique Without a Party

If you had asked me, six months ago, to come up with a name for right-wing K Street cowboy/honcho Ed Rogers, I might have chosen “Smarmy McSmarmface”, or something, well, equally smarmy. But today I think I’d have to go with “Sad Little Man”, which isn’t really a name but does capture the fact that I no longer resent Ed so much as pity him.

Ed writes a "column" for the Washington Post, which for the first months of the Trump Administration was an extended gloat-in as Ed walked, almost unbelieving, in the Promised Land--kick-ass Republican majorities in both houses and Donald "Kick Ass" Trump in the White House! We're going to be so tired of winning!

Well, six months later, and Ed is tired, tired of living, almost, it seems. Here's some text from a recent Ed "column", which sounds more like a cry for help than the usual meretricious right-wing boiler-plate that used to be Ed's stock in trade:

"Are we supposed to believe that all the noise and flames coming from Trump World are just a facade? And behind the facade, is there an effective process of policy development that can produce a meaningful — and passable — tax reform bill? Republicans everywhere are nervous.

"We all hope that despite the colossal cacophony of self-inflicted Twitter distractions and almost daily gaffes, the president can be part of successful negotiations on tax reform. Republicans in Washington are trying to convince each other that just because we don’t see the administration’s policy machinery in place, it doesn’t mean there is no one making it all come together. Maybe National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn is Dick Darman reincarnated and all the ducks are getting lined up. Maybe."

"Colossal cacophony", eh? That does not sound like the alliteration of a happy man. What is saddest about Ed's hope against hope soliloquy is that he clings to this most slenderest of reeds: "No matter what is going on with this White House, I’m reassured by the fact that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is one of the few people in Washington who always has a plan."

That Ed can write that after Mitch's triple crash and burn regarding the repeal and replace of the Affordable Care Act, during which he never had a plan other than an eyes shut mouth open "plan" to shove something--some random sheet of paper with the words "Senate Bill" written on it--through the Senate hopper, well, it shows that Ed has not only stopped gloating, he's stopped thinking.

House Speaker Paul Ryan sort of had some sort of only semi-fake tax reform plan, that relied on a "controversial" border tax adjustment proposal that won the support of Nobel Prize winner/hippie Paul Krugman to balance the books, but naturally that part of it got trashed, leaving Paulie with his same-old, same-old package of guaranteed cuts for the rich and window dressing for the middle-class, that, if it were passed, would blow up the budget beyond even Paulie's remarkably "flexible" limits. Now, of course, the Republican proposals that are floating about are being stripped of any and all of the supposed loophole closings that were supposed to make cuts in the overall rates both "equitable" and fiscally feasible. The pressure on the Republicans to do "something" may seem overwhelming, but once that "something" actually emerges into the light of day, the pressure collapses.

Yeah, I have a good time chuckling at old Ed's expense. If only I weren't even more afraid of Trump than he is.

Afterwords Over at the NYT, Peter Suderman has a nice column discussing the decline and fall of the Republican Party as a politically meaningful institution, fingering Donald Trump not as the cause of the party's woes, but rather "an avatar of the party’s pathologies, the culmination of its cynical and shambolic trajectory over the last two decades."

I agree with almost everything Pete says, but I would extend the time period back another eight years, to the stunned and hysterical outburst of rage with which both the party elders and the rank and file greeted the election of Bill Clinton, whom they were never willing to recognize as president and whom they sought to destroy at any and all costs, regardless of the damage both to themselves and the country.

[chipthekeeper]

1-60 bc I'm a fucker

Damn, bro you really swing for the fences. Aight let’s go.

1. selfie – I’ll post one after this2. what would you name your future kids? – can’t possibly know that now but don’t be shocked if they’re named after footballers3. do you miss anyone? – some old friends from high school4.what are you looking forward to? – going on vacation in about a month5. is there someone who can always make you smile? – my sister6. is it hard for you to get over someone? – hard to tell, I’ve only really done it once7. what was your life like last year? – about the same as it is this year, just with more soccer8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? – haha no. I just get pissed9. who did you last see in person? – the guy at the drive thru window at McDonalds10. are you good at hiding your feelings? – for the most part11. are you listening to music right now? – no but I should be12. what is something you want right now? – a back massage. and for my shoulder to work again13. how do you feel right now? – pretty chill14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? – my dad hugged me when I left home the other day15. personality description – I don’t understand this one16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? – duh17. opinion on insecurities – don’t understand this one either18. do you miss how things were a year ago? – well like I said, it’s mostly the same so I guess not19. have you ever been to New York? – yaaassssss and I can’t wait to go back20. what is your favourite song at the moment? – the one I’ve been playing the most is It Won’t Kill Ya by the Chainsmokers so I guess that one21. age and birthday? – 24, September 2222. description of crush. – Ali Krieger23. fear(s) – that I’ll be stuck here forever24. height – 5′5″25. role model – my mom probably26. idol(s) – Becky Sauerbrunn27. things i hate – ignorant people, mean people, the Red Sox28. i’ll love you if… – you yell at soccer matches and recite lines from Disney movies with me29. favourite film(s) – so many. if you really want a list, I can make a list30. favourite tv show(s) – law & order (THE ORIGINAL) and probably Dexter31. 3 random facts – i was gonna be a smart ass and google some facts but I assume this is facts about me sooo…1. I can solve a rubik’s cube in about a minute 2. I’m the oldest of my siblings but the shortest 3. I can quote the entirety of the Love My Lips song from VeggieTales (in character)32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? – girls, but it’s not like there are very many33. something you want to learn – I want to finish learning German but like, I want to just absorb it…34. most embarrassing moment – my first high school play when my prop skull broke in half in the middle of my Hamlet soliloquy35. favourite subject – English36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? – bish I don’t even have three dreams37. favourite actor/actress – James Dean38. favourite comedian(s) – Kate McKinnon39. favourite sport(s) – soccer/football, softball/baseball40. favourite memory – sitting at the softball field with my teammates after our last high school game41. relationship status – lol42. favourite book(s) – The Great Gatsby43. favourite song ever – can’t choose between two. Cool Change by the Little River Band and Roll Me Away by Bob Seger44. age you get mistaken for – I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone guess45. how you found out about your idol – I said Broon, right? Watching the USWNT46. what my last text message says – to my sister: “I’ve been meaning to wash my jeans for a while and I just got ketchup all over these so I guess that’s a sign” i need help47. turn ons – can’t remember48. turn offs – see above49. where i want to be right now – not in Missouri50. favourite picture of your idol – any one where she’s wearing a captain’s armband51. starsign – Virgo52. something i’m talented at – writing newspaper articles at the last possible minute53. 5 things that make me happy – my cat, my family, my soccer teams (sometimes), listening to music with the windows down, pride month54. something thats worrying me at the moment – that I’ll accidentally spend my last $15 before I make it to the pub tomorrow night lmao55. tumblr friends – mostly @dzsenifermarozsan56. favourite food(s) – whatever’s in my freezer when I’m broke57. favourite animal(s) – my cat, Charlie58. description of my best friend – tall, buff, kind of an asshole, good at impressions, gets my humor, likes to crank Mayday Parade in the car, sisterly59. why i joined tumblr – ¯\_(ツ)_/¯60. ask me anything you want – no, don’t. this was a lot

[suits-of-woe]

So, as I said last night, I went to see my first ever live production of Hamlet yesterday. It was a totally spur-of-the-moment thing, but I’m so glad I went, because it was a great experience and I’d just been dying to see it in person for months. This is the production if anyone’s curious.

Personally, I love reading about as many productions as possible just to get ideas, so if you’re like me, lots of ranting below the cut.

- okay, so it was a super small production, maybe 40 seats total. the set was quite minimal, with an elevated area toward the front with two thrones and a photo of claudius, and then a long stretch where the actors spent most of their time. (is that traverse? it was so tiny i’m not even sure if it counts but)

- hamlet. hamlet was great, and i was definitely nervous on that front, cause obviously a bad lead can absolutely ruin the play. he had really good range - imo that’s probably the most important thing to me in a hamlet actor. he totally got across a very child-like grief, he was hilarious in a lot of parts, and went pretty dark in others. the only thing i’d really say was missing was some of his manic passion (he seemed more manic upset) but overall a good hamlet.

- i was disappointed by horatio, ngl. i think people were discussing the other day why female horatio is a bad idea and...yeah...they did that. and aside from that issue she just tended to show more emotion than i think horatio should (she was probably just as upset by “we defy augury” as by hamlet’s death) and the relationship between them was just kinda...bro-ish idk. the passion’s slave speech definitely had that vibe. overall not awful, but horatio’s my favorite character so i was hoping for better. (on the plus side - our philosophy)

- this was my favorite polonius i’d ever seen, i think? he was super sweet with ophelia and laertes but also appropriately strict when needed and SO funny, holy shit, but without being obnoxious about it. i don’t even tend to go for loving polonius interps but he won me over.

- gertrude was just...always drinking wine?? literally any time she was sitting in her throne she was sipping from a glass, more if she was stressed or exasperated. i mean i know she’s a wine mom but jeez. no wonder she wanted to drink hamlet’s wine during the duel lmao.

- rosencrantz and guildenstern, oh god, i was losing my mind. they were basically just two complete idiots who were comically obsessed with being in elsinore and who had no actual friendship with hamlet. guildenstern especially was SO obnoxious, they spoke all their lines so loudly and so stiltedly and the joke was basically that they were a moron but it was barely funny the first time let alone the 30th. “why what a king is this” really had no emotional impact, because why would hamlet feel bad for killing these dumbasses?

- not gonna talk about every character, i promise, but the ghost was one more i really liked. he was double cast with claudius and there was just something about his manner that was really cool? like really stiff in a way that suggested death and hamlet always looked SO upset when he was onstage I was a big fan.

- in terms of order, the first scene was cut, as was anything involving fortinbras including that soliloquy. it was already a pretty long production, so i didn’t miss any of it, especially since i wasn’t a fan of horatio. then strangely it went from polonius telling the king and queen about hamlet’s madness to “to be” and then nunnery, then straight from there into hamlet taunting polonius. that was some pretty serious emotional whiplash tbh. and then after that was r+g and the players and they had the intermission right after “give me some light” but still kept the pipe scene in the second act which was weird

- i quite liked the player scene, the player was a funny combo of sleazy and very moving, and completely done with polonius and basically everyone else. however, r+g ruined the play scene. it was a small enough cast that they had to play the player queen and lucianus, but just...god...why. it did make hamlet’s acting advice make sense, but guildenstern was practically screaming their queen lines and rosencrantz was barely better, not sure how claudius was so moved by that

- the special effects were actually pretty damn great for such a tiny production. ophelia looked like she was scratched and bruised all over, and the deaths were super intense. gertrude like coughed up blood all over the floor, i was definitely not expecting that, and laertes and claudius both had blood for their stab wounds as well.

- laertes coming back was a highlight. he tried to strangle claudius while wearing these leather gloves and claudius tried to stay calm but had to unbutton the top button of his shirt and regain his breath for a second, and was obviously shaken. i just liked how they played that.

- gertrude’s account of ophelia’s death was SUPER sketchy, like, i’m not sure if they were trying to imply suicide or even something crazy like gertrude killed her, because she was really obviously lying. not sure why laertes bought it, but his reactions to ophelia through the whole thing were absolutely heartbreaking and so quiet and scared compared to his other lines.

- guess who played the gravediggers? fucking. the r+g actors AGAIN. i just. i was fed up by that point. but i will say, the guildenstern actor played osric and that was the only part i actually liked them in, cause they seemed very in character and the obnoxious manner was appropriate, not just random.

- the death scene was a little rushed, but still worked i thought. i was really looking forward to seeing “you that look pale” live, cause i imagine that as such a powerful fourth wall break. it wasn’t that intense in this production, especially cause there were tons of fourth wall breaks, but still good. and there was a moment right before hamlet died when he was just hyperventilating and horatio was holding onto his hand really tightly and i was very sad. but horatio didn’t break my heart nearly enough.

- yeah, on the whole basically i’d say i really enjoyed it as a first live production? r+g were an abomination but whenever they weren’t like actively driving me insane i was really enjoying myself. i’m a nitpicky asshole about hamlet, but there definitely is something so different about seeing it in person, because you just kind of lose yourself and forget about most of the flaws while you’re actually there. i’m planning to see another production in late april, so i’ll be really eager to compare the two.