#The ill Advisory

[kinaesthetiqueer]

rereading the Gallagher Girls series and i'm just saying if you like RWBY, you'd love GG

[altruistic-meme]

i need to be an adult tomorrow. but today? babey we're wasting away.

[thepersonperson]

Since Twitter sucks I guess I have to put my check in on me posts here too. Anyways. I’m going out into the wilderness for a hike this Thursday, July 4th, 2024! If I’m not posting here by Friday, July 5th, 2024 (USA timezone) please alert @ryoassuka .

[valithiri]

Does anyone have any book recommendations

[wmhd]

Mental Health Workforce In The Pacific Region: Horizons And Hurdles.

Oceania Mental Health Advisory Committee is organising a webinar on 4th October focused on ‘Mental Health Workforce in the Pacific Region: Horizons and Hurdles’ in collaboration with the World Federation for Mental Health to recognise World Mental Health Day 2023.

The event will include several speakers, including Sir Colin Tukuitonga (New Zealand), Sir Colin Tukuitonga (New Zealand), Dr. Kuinileti Changwai (Samoa) etc and will be moderated by Professor Michele Rumsey AM.

Register here

[riilsports]

Health & Safety info available to fall teams battling heat wave

September 6, 2023

As fall teams contend with this week's hot, humid weather, RIIL schools are reminded that health & safety info and recommendations can be found on the RIIL website under “School Resources” at: https://riil.org/page/6405 & on the RIIL Sports Medicine page at: https://riil.org/page/3259.

From the NFHS Sports Medicine Advisory Committee, recommendations for maintaining hydration to optimize performance and minimize the risk for exertional heat illness.

READ IT HERE: https://www.nfhs.org/media/5919613/nfhs-heat-acclimatization-april-2022-final.pdf

[evilminji]

You know what I think would be neat?

Loki, the Sky Walker himself, when he fell beyond the trees branches but before that Purple fucker could get him... felt A path, much like the hidden ones he'd wandered for YEARS, and franticly tries to catch himself.

After all, he let go in a moment of incredible emotional distress. But that moment passes. The fear kicks in. The natural, strategist's, "survival at all costs" primal drive starts SCREAMING. You grab for the ledge. Try to STOP your fall.

But~!

What if? What he was FEELING?

Was a Natural Fuckin Portal.

And Loki is no slouch! He manages to change his trajectory. His mind is still in shambles, he's an emotional wreck, mascara probably running, just? Having THE WORST month or so of his life. He's too pretty for this bullshit, he would insist, if he wasn't FALLING THROUGH THE VOID.

He's made some choices.

They may have been ill advised.

Possibly even terrible ideas, actually.

But he's come too far to die NOW. And if his brother's insane adventures and hare brained schemes haven't killed him, then THIS sure as shit won't be putting him in an graves. He refuses to allow it.

He expects to slam face first into alien dirt. At speed. It? Is going to HURT, he knows.

But that is not what happens.

He passes through a yawning portal, into Veridian skys, and slams face first into the back of passing youth. Knock BOTH of them from the sky and through several nearby floating islands.

He nearly gets punched for it.

The boy only stopping, fist merely moments from his faces, when he seems to finally register the state Loki is in. The next thing Loki knows? He's being rushed off Yeti healers. A FUSS is being made.

The youth is strong arming him into being a guest in his... frankly ALARMING home.

Loki likes the Gothic one. She seems like she bites. But the boy's parents BAFFLE him. The boy, "Danny" just? Showed up with him? And declared he was a "visiting Fenton Cousin"? SURELY that can not WORK! Boy, they are your PARENTS, they know better then YOU who is and is not rela-.....

How did that work.

No, HOW DID THAT WORK? Child answer me. And explain the violent cold meats.

Just? Loki, intellectually stimulated, like a cat in a fresh new environment. Removed from stressors. Not the strongest being around by far, but enjoying the challenge none the less. Fulfilling his life long trained role of "king's advisory" in an almost relaxed Highly Sarcastic Uncle On Vacation Who Is Also A Semi-Feral Cat sorta way to this new Child King he found.

Loved and respected for Being Loki. Just Loki. No preconceived notions to fulfill, no roles he must play, just... Be Loki.

Best part? Asgard and Thor and such? Irrelevant! Their own closed system far, far away. He's finally FREE of the shadow Asgard casts. He's taken "starting over in a new country to escape a toxic home life" to a whole new weight class unique just to him. The dude is THRIVING.

And? I bet he REALLY enjoys tormenting Vlad.

@ailithnight @hdgnj @hypewinter @lolottes @nerdpoe

[moondirti]

due to popular demand, a follow up to this featuring: 18+ content, gaz, ballerina!reader, internet stalking, men being gross, another a thinly veiled character study

Kyle is a good man.

Granted, his metric is not attuned to common standards for morality anymore, nor has it been that way since basic. He's sure that if he were to pick any sheltered samaritan off the street to read out his laundry list of transgressions, they'd balk at the fact that their taxes go to keeping him fed. They'd rather their image of the army stay unsullied and ideal. They'd rather keep him at arms length with a thank you for your service and not confront the blood caked beneath his fingernails.

But he can no longer be held to their degree. No longer exists within these spaces. No. Kyle – or Gaz, if one were to go off of what he's called most often nowadays – is a doorstop. A pestle. Something inconspicuous, obscure, that serves the sole function of making life easier for everyone but itself. And he assumes this role with a handful of others who have nothing else to live for, exiled to crowd the back of Foxhounds and kill at a moment's notice. Foul men. Friends.

If someone were to line up every operative on a special forces unit, or better yet collect the likes of the 141 and asses each for their moral standing, Gaz can rest knowing he'd come out on top. He's not yet as far gone as they are; can enjoy a night out or a pretty bird writhing underneath him without wanting to choke her out. Only devoted to his captain, or the others, to the extent that their professional relationship calls for (no matter how much it itches at him to watch Ghost take care of Soap, or to reject Price when he offers him a drink).

Sure, he laughs at their jokes. Might pitch in when they're swapping stories of their filthiest catch, Soap rattling on about the lass who'd stuffed her tongue up his arse, or encourage them to shoot on sight if they spot a potential threat, civilian or otherwise. Yet the difference is this: when he goes home, he can stuff that all away.

Knows not to let it infest the boundaries of the real world. Off deployment, his comrades play pretend at the noncombatant lifestyle, but the guise is ill-fitting. They're too big for their skin. They stretch and tear at the conventions holding them in place, like feral dogs made to heel. Kyle doesn't have to be tamed. He's still functional, familiar with the expectations held of him. Can submit to integrity more easily than most.

Kyle is a good man.

And that's what he tells himself as he returns home, train car completely void of anyone but himself. He's good for having given you up. He's good for not have followed you home. There'd been a brief lapse of judgement, but he's good for doing something about it before things passed the point of no return.

You've lived this far without his protection, he reasons. Yet it doesn't change the unreachable itch, closed away in a supposedly locked box. Gaz. Or, his captain's voice, cigar-smoked and advisory.

But why should you continue like that.

It's hard to fall asleep that night.

He's sick with worry wondering if you ever got home, bile broiling and distending up his throat at the thought of having abandoned you. It's pure concern that compels him to find your socials, really. Kyle is only searching for an update, or recent post, indicating that you're alive.

With nothing to go off of but a face, he searches for dance studios in both Acton Town, your area, and the Kensington, the area where you'd boarded the tube from. He makes a shortlist of the most reputable ones (your attire seemed to imply that you were a seasoned ballerina) and cross-checks them as hosts of upcoming recitals. Two renditions of Swan Lake and a production of Giselle turn up, each with their very own cast lists. Thus begins a tireless search of every name credited.

His heart almost leaps out of his nose when you eventually load into view, then plummets at how easy you'd been to find.

Your vulnerability only sets Kyle's conviction in stone. Bloody good thing he's got your best interests in mind.

Locked twitter, a LinkedIn, and a public Instagram page which sends his blood pressure skyrocketing after checking your follower count. Popular. And of course he can see why. Over a hundred posts chronicling bright smiles and flattering outfits. You mainly use the account to promote your practice, though; feed full of skimpy little outfits, leotards and exposed sternums and impossible poses.

Stop it. He's here for something specific.

Kyle sips in a deep breath, scrolls back to the top of your page, clicks on your most recent post. A casual video of your leg raised on a barre while your friend counts how high above your previous record you're able to stretch. Your skin is sweat-slicked. Your mouth is thrown open in a half-laugh, half-pant. He almost forgets why he clicked on it in the first place, before the timestamp catches his eye.

30 minutes ago.

So, you'd gotten home.

He can go to bed now.

Exit your account. Swipe up on Instagram to clear it from his running apps. If he's extra disciplined, he'd block you. Rob himself of the temptation to tug himself over the photo of you in the splits.

Kyle is a good man because he knows his limits.

(But Kyle now also knows the address of your studio. That, even if he blocks you, it'll take up space in his chest. A ticking-time bomb. A knowledge that'll haunt him whenever he's on the District, Circle, or Piccadilly lines, and the train announces Gloucester Road. A force, a stone in his throat, that'll grow so large it'll force him to stand up and disembark, to walk until he's standing right outside and wait on you to wrap up rehearsal.)

It occurs to him that the point of no return has long since passed.

inclusivity note: i felt the need to say that, while reader is a dancer, her profession is not meant to imply anything about her body type. flexibility and agility are not limited to thin builds, and while the ballet industry can be very toxic, i've seen my fair share of spaces where all figures are embraced and success is determined only by ability!

[feminist-space]

"Seminario cited the recent report, “Employer-Reported Workplace Injuries and Illnesses,” that shows that the number of respiratory illnesses in the private health care and social assistance sector increased from 145,300 in 2021 to 199,700 cases in 2022, an increase of 37.5 percent.

...

As an industrial hygienist, Seminario was extremely critical that there were no experts in respiratory protection on the committee nor did it include engineers who developed ventilation guidelines. She believes that the HICPAC committee members are likely so opposed to respirators “because once you are into recommending respiratory protection, with that comes a full respiratory protection program from OSHA,” with penalties for violations.

An epidemiologist and consultant, Michael Olesen, echoed this, believing the changes reflect “pressure to remove liability from hospitals.” He added, “I take a very clear position that we should be having respiratory protection mandates in all healthcare settings right now.”

...

Many patients who spoke at the HICPAC meetings said they had gotten Covid-19 when they went to the hospital and that the new policies were keeping them from getting care.

Given that, Dr. Art Caplan, professor of medical ethics at New York University’s Grossman School of Medicine, previously told me that dropping masking requirements in hospitals is “utterly, completely, irresponsible.” Similarly, staff refusing to mask, even when a patient requests it, is a moral failure. “The first principle is, you must do what is in the best interest of your patient,” he said.

...

Several people were asked why they believe HICPAC is determined to water down protections. Consistently, respondents say, “to reduce liability.” Earlier in the pandemic, hospitals regularly tested patients and staff for Covid-19, and you could often tell where and how you became infected. Since staff are no longer masking and continue working when ill, and patients are not being tested on admission, you can no longer prove who infected you. Hospitals are the only ones who win in this scenario, absolving themselves of responsibility and liability."

[cherryheairt]

Hi :)

I’ve had this headcanon for a while where thranduil, upon falling in love again, makes it quite obvious he feels strongly about reader but won’t push physical limits of affection quite yet. Due to him having been married before he wants to be sure the Gods approve of him falling in love/marrying again as to not cause ill intend to fall upon reader because of him not being in control of his carnal desires. Reader is oblivious to this and pushes/teases him relentlessly.

Might end in smut upon him knowing reader is safe and he may pursue them fully or just him saying fuck it I see no god but me down here lol

Or just might end in him teasing back big time n leaving reader high and dry (but maybe with an explanation lol we love some open communication ✨)

Thank you! And feel free to mix it up and or change ending I’d just love to see a take on this 🙂‍↕️

hello! I'm so sorry that its been forever since you submitted this. thranduil is a character that we only ever got to see in super serious king mode, and had little screentime at that so I wanted to think through his personality a lot. might be ooc

I personally don't know how to write smut, so I didn't include it. I hope that's okay.

The character will be named Myria (meer-rhea), but have no skin color, body shape, hair color, etc description. She is eleven though, if that matters.

👑

The Gods had long since forsaken Thranduil. After he lost his wife, Legolas' mother, the world seemed to darken along with his own attitude. He changed, and everyone in Middle Earth knew it. Legolas never grew up to know the kind and magnanimous person his father was before his late wife's death.

To him, and the world, Thranduil was a stoic and unforgiving King.

To all, perhaps, except Myria. Myria had been born not too long after Thranduil—in Rivendell. Though the two never met until well into adulthood, Myria liked to say that they hit it off well. Thranduil would never admit the same out loud.

Myria moved from Rivendell to Mirkwood for her studies, thanks to her friend Elrond's advisory, and had since lived there for thousands of years. Youthful as ever, Myria made it her unofficial duty to occupy the King of Murkwood's free time.

She had even befriended his only son, Legolas, despite their age gap. The young elf was approaching 3000 years old soon, and he swore that he was more mature than the she-elf that graced their halls.

Myria didn't mind the head shakes or comments from royal advisors, telling her to mind herself around their King. Thranduil had long grown used to it, anyway.

Myria made her way to his royal chambers, uncaring about her unpropriety with visiting without being called upon. This was their daily routine. Thranduil had his meetings before breakfast, then went back to his chambers to dine alone. Or, he would, if Myria wasn't always waiting right there at his table for him.

"What is for breakfast today, My King?" Myria asked jovially, perched upon one of his carved wooden chairs. Originally, there had only been one for himself, but he ordered a matching one to me made after the woman's incessant visits. Before there was a seat, she simply stood at the table. The thought bothered him, a tinging in the back of his mind telling him that she must be on the same level as him, at all times.

Thranduil's long flowing sleeves and cloaks followed behind him as he entered the room. "You ask this every day, Myr. And what is my answer every day?" He asks, though there is no bite to his words.

"That you 'do not know'. Quite amusing, the all-knowing King not knowing something so simple." She mused, scrunching her nose up at his tall frame.

He fought an amused eye roll, sitting in front of her. He poured himself a chalice of sweet red wine, sipping on it as he replied. "Simple, or trivial? I do not concern myself with such affairs, the food is brought to me and I eat it."

"Careful, Thranduil. That may one day get you poisoned." She mirrored his movements, having waited for him to start drinking.

"By whom? Yourself?" He chuckled darkly, amused at the prospect of such a thing. Mirkwood elves' loyalties ran deep, the chances of him dying suddenly from a cold where higher than dying of poison. "You are the only outsider residing here."

Myria 'hmphed' vehemently, lifting her nose at the accusation. "I hardly can be called an outsider these days. How long have I lived here? Four...five thousand years?"

"Five thousand, two hundred and thirty." He answered for her.

Shocked, she stared at him, mouth agape. "You know the exact year?"

"How could I not? That is the year when my life started to get ten times harder."

She snorted, shaking her head. "I disagree. I think it only got better."

Two servants entered the chambers, one plate in hand each. Platters were lifted to reveal the neatly presented food, a light breakfast of fruit and toasted bread.

Myria and Thranduil dug into it, a pleasent chatter filling the room. "What are your plans for today?" She asked him.

"Same as usual, final preparations for the Feast of Starlight. Though, there is a task I wanted to assign you–" Thranduil was interrupted by a guard rushing into the room. He lifted an unimpressed brow, staring the guard down for his brash action.

"Your majesty, a party of rogue Dwarves have been apprehended in the Mirkwood forest!" To this, Thranduil immediately stood and strided past the guard out of the chambers. Myria, struck by the news, eagerly followed in suite.

"You are not supposed to sit in on prisoners being interrogated, Myria." Thranduil told her sternly, knowing the sound of her light steps trailed behind his own heavy ones.

"When has that stopped me before?" She laughed. It had been a nearly a hundred years since she'd seen a dwarf, and much longer than that since one had been in the depths of the Elvenking's Halls. She was excited to see what brave adventurers had come, and survived the dark forest's curse.

Thranduil seated himself at the head of his lifted throne, elegant giant antlers rooting themselves out from behind the throne like a crown. The one perched on his head mirrored that, thick branches striking in contrast to his pure white hair. Myria took a moment to admire him from her spot at the base of the stairs. The guard next to her didn't even blink at her intrusion, knowing the relationship between the ward and the King was a complex one that even the elders didn't bother to deduce.

Myria stayed silent during the precedings, not moving an inch except to lean her head forward and inspect the Dwarves. The party was quite large, a whole gaggle of Dwarves were bravely setting off to reclaim Erebor's keep and defeat the dragon nested under it. The leader, Thorin, was quite handsome for a Dwarf, not that Myria would say so aloud. For all her teasings, that would surely be the tip of the iceburg for Thranduil's patience.

As the majority of the Dwarves were escorted to the dungeons, only Thorin was left in Thranduil's audience. She listened as Thranduil made his offer, then got rejected harshly by the Dwarven King. Screamed at, being told off by a life form deemed lesser than an Elf, Thranduil had enough. He sent the man away with a flick of his wrist.

As he slowly desended the steps after the dwarf 'king' was escorted away, Thranduil placed a hand on Myrias shoulder.

The cold rings on his hand raised goosebumps on the back of her neck and arms, shivering at the feeling. She cursed herself for wearing an off-shoulder dress, dressing herself for the nice weather that morning. If he noticed, Thranduil didn't say anything. But the tiny lift to the corners of his mouth said plenty. "Do not fraternize with the filth that dirties our halls."

Our halls. The brief words pleasently rung in the back of Myria's mind. She nodded. He knew her well, guessing that she would try to sneak into the dungeons during the feast to try to speak with the curious Dwarves.

He moved his hand down, resting it gently on the small of her back. "Let us go, the feast will not oversee itself."

👑

Myria and Thranduil lounged in his chambers, simply biding time until the Feast of Starlight had begun. Admist muted chuckles and jests, mostly from Myria, Tauriel entered the room. "You called for me, My King?" She bowed shortly. "I have come to report to you." Tauriel glanced briefly towards Myria, nodding when she lifted a goblet towards her silvan friend.

"I thought I ordered that nest to be destroyed." Thranduil said, voice taut with frustration. The spiders had been plaguing their forest for years now, unrelenting.

"We cleared the forest as ordered, my Lord." The woman insisted. "But more spiders keep coming from nests in the South. If we could kill them at their source–"

"That fortress lies beyond our borders. Your orders are to keep our lands clear of those foul creatures. That is your task."

"And when we drive them off, what then? Will they not spread to other lands?" Ever the bleeding heart, Tauriel worried for other people.

"Other lands are not my concern." Thranduil said coldly. "The fortunes of this land will rise and fall. But here in this kingdom, we will endure." As had been the way for thousands of years. Thranduil insisted that Mirkwood keep to themselves, not needing or offering help from any others.

Tauriel nodded stiffly, excusing herself from the King's presence. Before she left, however, he spoke again. "Legolas said you fought well today. He has grown...fond of you."

She paused, thinking his words over carefully. "I assure you my Lord, Legolas thinks of me as no more than captain of the guard.

"Perhaps he did once. Now, I'm not so sure." Thranduil pushed.

"I did not think that you would allow your son to pledge himself toward a lowly silvan elf." She responded, voice slightly hopeful.

Myria leaned forward, too, curious of his answer. Would he allow his heir to love an elf with no royale blood?

"You are right, I would not." Thranduil chuckled humorlessly at the thought of it. Myria bit her tongue, hurt by the comment indirectly. She was no common-born Elf, sure, but had no royal blood to speak of either. She deflated in her seat, drinking down the rest of her wine. "Do not give him hope where there is none."

Is that what Thranduil had been doing for Myria, merely giving her hope? Slivers of special attention, with no intentions of truly loving her. She stood from her seat, leaving the chambers without a word.

Tauriel, too, left quickly after that.

Thranduil stood alone in his chambers, looking at the spot where Myria had once been.

👑

The feast came and passed quickly, Myria in no mood to sing or dance like she usual did at such events. She attended for the sake of politeness, leaving when she had greeted enough people for the night.

She spend the rest of it wallowing in her chambers.

Word got out that the entire party of Dwarves escaped, and Myria silently applauded them for their boldness. She hoped, for their sake, that they were successful in freeing their home.

Days passed, and news of Smaug's death had spread to every corner of Middle Earth. Thranduil was quick to organize his army to march toward Erebor, wasting no time to retrieve his precious gems. Myria had come along on her own white elk mount, following behind Thranduil silently, if only to satiate her curiosity. Last time they had come, Thranduil had rejected the Dwarves' desperate plea for help. This time, he came to declare war if they refused to return his gems.

The damned gems. Always on his mind. True, they were a physical reminder of his late wife and Queen. But it seemed as though he dwelled on them more than he cherished her memory. He did not speak of her, ever. Even to his own son, his wife was but a ghost haunting the halls.

Myria couldn't begin to understand the loss of a spouse, but she did understand that he was too caught up in himself.

Even though she had little intention of fighting the Dwarves, Myria still brought a dagger and bow on the march. Could never be too careful, Thranduil always reminded her. She guided her elk to stand behind his, watching him greet the human leader stiffly. It was almost laughable how mad his manners were, his kingly presence deemed to good for polite small talk.

Myria had been given a temporary quarter near Thranduil's, their tents close as they usually were. He had been too busy to notice her absence lately, both to her joy and displeasure. She missed his daily warmth around her, but knew it was best to distance himself from him. Just this last journey, then she sould go back to Rivendell to live out the rest of her long and lonesome life.

Thranduil plotted with the human leader, Bard, and a wizard by the name of Gandalf. Myria wandered the decrepit town while they did, having no place in war council, nor did she wish to.

By the time she had returned, night had fallen and all the humans of the town were asleep. Myria ducked into her tent, desperate for some solid rest before a potential battle on the morrow. She was surprised to see Thranduil sitting awkwardyl on her cot.

"Thranduil? What are you doing here, you should be resting." Myria insisted, brow furrowed.He stood at her entrance, possibly being left waiting for quite a while.

"I wished to see you before we go to Erebor's gates in the morning. I suspect that the Dwarf will have something up his tiny sleeve. I know you are a capable fighter, but I want you to stay in town tomorrow just in case."

She protested sharply, "I am just as much a fighter as any elf in your army. I will not sit around and wait for you to return–"

"Please, Myria." He rested both of his hands on her shoulders, looking down at her with his deep blue eyes "I could not focus if I knew you were behind me somewhere. If I know you are safe, I can retrieve the jewels easier." Always about the jewels. He should have married them, she thought bitterly.

"Is that an order?"

"It is a request. From a friend." Thranduil said softly.

Myria bit her cheek, crossing her arms. "Fine. I will stay here on the morrow. But, if any fighting breaks out, I will join."

He seemed content with her answer, knowing its as far as he'll get with her stubbornness. "Very well, I'll see you when this is over." He planted a tender kiss to the top of her head before he left to his own tent.

👑

Myria could only watch from afar as negotiations with the Dwarves had clearly gone to shit. More dwarves had shown up, an entire army to match the Elves' golden one. Myria rushed back to grab her bow, bursting out of her tent to the sound of screams in the town. Surely the Dwarves wouldn't target the women and children who had stayed behind?

She was right. It was orcs who had invaded the town, cutting off exits as they slashed through defenseless crowds of people. Myria rushed to help whoever she could, shooting down orcs' fat heads whenever they got too close to a fleeing human. With her dagger, she slashed through whoever she could reach to retrieve each of her arrows.

This arduous process repeated for some time, Myria panting with effort as she continued. The sounds of screams toned done as golden-armored soldiers flooded into the cobble streets and started to push back at the beastly creatins. Myria breathed a sigh of relief, engaging another orc. It was larger than most, with armor protecting its head and chest. She slashed at his with a sword she had taken from dead enemy, yelping when he stabbed into her abdomen with his own weapon. She gasped, trying to keep her composure as he approached above her menacingly. As he lifted his sword above his head again, ready to strike down the Elf, his head was detached from his body in a spray of hot blood.

Myria flinched at the feeling on her skin, feeling disgusted more than she already was with the sweat and dirt covering her. Thranduil came from behind the orc, who was now dead on the floor. He crouched down in front of her, a frantic look in his eye that betrayed his regal appearance. "Myria, look at me!" He shouted, her blurry vision shakily focusing on him. He held her face in his hands, watching her try to keep them open. "It's okay, I'll get you help." Thranduil promised her, gingerly lifting her up princess style. He flinched when she protested in pain, clutching at her stomach to stop the blood from gushing out.

"It's okay, you'll be alright, sweet." He told her, repeating himself multiple times as if to convince himself, too.

He brought her outside of the town, where Elven medics had set up a discreet few tents disguised to the orc's vision by Elven magic. The King layed her gently on a stiff cot, petting her hair comfortingly as she screamed in pain at the medic disinfecting and stitching her wound up. He glared at the Elf assigned to help her, making the poor young fellow sweat in fear of messing uo in front of his King.

Eventually, the sounds outside died out. Thranduil regretted taking his forces to this pit of death. He had lost more Elves today than had ever been lost at one time since the Great War. Elves did not die easily. This was a massacre of great damage to their ranks, to their people. Thranduil mourned the deaths of his kin dearly.

Myria had calmed, pain dulling when given some numbing herbs. She focused her attention on Thranduil, "you came for me." She said, voice barely a whisper.

"Of course, I did. Why wouldn't I?" He asked, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

"Your gems...they're still locked away in the keep, aren't they?" She asked.

"The gems are not my priority. They are merely objects, remembrances. You are alive, I need you."

Myria felt tears blurr her vision, clamping her throat shut. "But–I am not from any important bloodline. I am not a Princess, nor—"

"I do not care. You are Myria. The woman who has been by my side for five thousand years. The only lady worthy of being Queen by my side is you."

Thranduil took her into his arms as she cried. He shushed her gently, hands locked into her hair as she clung to him.

"I love you, Thranduil. I have for a long, long time."

"And I, you, my dearest Myr."

[absideon-ephemeral]

Dog Tags | Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x (fem) reader

Summary: there is something about Bucky’s dog tags that drove both of you crazy.

A/N: SET AFTER THE SHOW THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER. I have a head cannon that Bucky ended up moving to Louisiana and buying a house close to Sarah.

Warnings: (hopefully) tooth rotting fluff, mild language, Reader described as having boobs, suggestive themes, illness, idk what I missed so read at your own advisory I guess.

There was something about them.

Those fucking dog tags.

He wore them every moment of every day: didn’t even take them off to shower or sleep.

They were just pieces of metal (although they had special value to him) so you couldn’t figure out why it drove you crazy whenever you caught a glimpse of them.

I was a good kind of crazy though. One that would make you go feral for him. You never voiced this to your beautiful lover, but he knew. Oh, he knew.

After finding out about your obsession from Sam a little birdie, he would make any excuse to show them off. In the shower, working out, cuddling? Bucky did it all. (His favorite was seeing them dangle and slap your face while he has you folded in half).

But his ultimate favorite ended up happening on a quiet Sunday morning. . .

———————————————————————

It was early. Early enough to just begin to hear the birds chirp and see the sun start to rise. Bucky unlocked your shared front door and crept inside as quietly as possible.

For the past week, he had been away on some diplomatic mission to tie up loose ends left from the Flagsmashers. His week was crammed full of press conferences, meetings, and the occasional man hunt for a left-over Smasher. And for the past week, his stress has been through the roof.

It all started when he had managed to forget his dogs tags on the bathroom counter the morning he left. For the rest of the week, an unsettling weightlessness sat on his chest and the absence of the familiar, cool metal was strange. The tags brought him comfort: it kept him grounded and reminded him of who he is. On rough days, they acted as a form of emotional support - reminding him that he is James Buchanan Barnes and not him. Without them, a strange hollowness followed him everywhere.

And to make matters worse, you ended up falling sick with something close to pneumonia the day after he left. He was helpless and couldn’t do anything more than call and pester Sarah to check on you.

So he felt empty and stressed, but now he was home and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with you.

As quietly as possible, Bucky set down his bag and toed off his mud-crusted boots, making his way to the kitchen after. He tried (keyword, tried) to quietly recreate his mom’s famous chicken noodle soup for you, but it was a bit hard when his metal arm ‘clinked’ against the pot and bowl.

Once he was satisfied with the meal he prepared, he grabbed a glass of water and made his way to your shared bedroom.

Nudging the door open, he was greeted with the sight of your sleeping form sprawled out on the bed. Setting the soup and water on the bedside table, he sat on the edge of the bed to silently admire you.

There you lay, hair a messy halo on the pillow and small snores accompanying each breath. He took note that you were wearing his old red shirt with the words “can you give me a hand?” written across it (Sam had given it to him during a visit to Wakanda when he was an armless mess). But the thing he noticed most was the harsh rasp and rattle of your lungs with each breath. A frown fell upon his face as he decided wether or not to wake you up. On one hand, he wanted you to enjoy your, seemingly peaceful, sleep; but on the other, he knew that you needed to clear your lungs before you suffocated on mucus.

The thought of you not suffocating won over and he gently shook you awake. It took a couple shakes and the quiet repetition of your name to elicit a groan from you. From there, he began to gently coax you further into awareness.

“Come on doll, I’m finally home and want to see those pretty eyes. I need you to get up, hon.” He spoke softly.

Slowly but surely, your eyes opened and you had to blink a few times to clear them. Upon seeing the beautiful face of your lover you shot up, despite the protest of your sluggish body, and threw your arms around his neck.

“I missed you so much.” Your voice was hoarse from coughing and sounded so frail.

“I missed you too, darling. I know you’re probably still tired, but how about we take a nice, warm shower together, hm? That way we can both be clean and we can loosen up that gunk in your lungs.”

You simply nodded, too tired and on the brink of falling asleep against him. He wrapped you up in his arms and carried out of bed and to the bathroom. Once inside, he set you down on the toilet and turned on the shower all the way to hot. He stripped himself bare, save for his boxers, and then began to help you.

Kneeling in front of you, he placed his hands on your waistband, a silent ask of permission. You lifted your hips just enough for him to slide your shorts off. The shirt came next. But it’s what was under it that caught him off guard.

It wasn’t the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra, no, he was used to that.

But it was the fact that you were wearing his dog tags.

His dog tags.

The ones he left behind and had felt their absence all week.

Sitting so prettily between your breasts, shining and slick with condensation.

For a minute his brain short circuited - snapping into a daze as the bathroom began to fill with hot, thick steam. But it was your voice that brought him back.

“Bucky?” The small call was followed by a series of coughs that racked your whole body.

He immediately sprang into action, rubbing your back and pushing your damp hair away from your face. Reassuring words spilled out of his mouth like a poem; guiding you through it and reminding you to try and breathe. By the time the coughing subsided and you could breathe again, your chest hurt and your lungs were so tired. Bucky could see your exhaust and it pained him to see you so tired.

“Whats on your mind?” The question caught him off guard.

“Nothing hun. Just thinking about how pretty you look wearing my tags.”

A small grin broke out on your face, “you like when I wear ‘em?”

His eyes met yours. “Honey, I absolutely fucking love it.”

A raspy chuckle escaped you. “Good. Cause I want to wear them if that’s okay with you. Especially when you’re not here. It’s like I have you right beside me no matter what.”

Bucky smiled and stood up, stripping you and himself of the remaining clothes and guiding you off the toilet and to the shower. “Doll, you can wear them whenever you want. You can wear them forever if that’s what it takes to make you always feel safe and loved,” he stepped into the shower, allowing the warm water to hit him first, “but I will always be by your side. With or without those tags.”

A small smirk crept upon his face as you fully joined him in the shower.

“You don’t know the things you do to me wearing my tags. Actually, I want you to wear them every day. That way, everyone will know you’re mine.”

———————————————————————

And he kept true to his word. Everyday, he would place those tags around your neck, making sure they fell just right on your chest. More often than not it ended up with him bending you over the bathroom counter and watching in the mirror as his tags slapped against your tits. And he made sure you always had them when he was away as well. No longer had he felt anxious or empty without them for he knew that they were always beside your heart.

So, it’s safe to say, that his favorite way of seeing his dog tags, was on you.

[ozai-the-bonsai]

Cry for the Moon

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 |

Pairing: Zuko x firebender!reader

Warnings: a few sprinkles of strong language i guess

A/N: I am really happy that you have enjoyed the first chapter! The updates may be generally slow, depending on how much free time I have (mainly at night). I hope this doesn't upset anyone ^.^

Taglist: @annonymatic @yoongiesstar @lost-inthe-v0id @lokigodofmyheart @4l3x1s @potato87123 @asciendo @angelruinz @unamused-boss

Fixing the golden sash of your crimson robes, you leant the railings of the ship, your amber eyes focused on Azula. After verbally making the captain regret the day he was born, the Princess had moved onto her training. Not that she needed any more of it – you were sure that there was little to none she could improve further in her skills and techniques; however, Azula tended to get quite difficult when you shared this particular opinion with her. Hence, you kept your thoughts to yourself and watched the Princess train.

As Azula’s advisors, Lo and Li were there as well. Even the thought of having to interact with the sisters brought you on the verge of throwing out – you despised them both dearly for you could see how their so-called advisory was corrupting Azula day by day ever since Ursa left. Of course, your feelings were mutual. Lo and Li didn’t approve of you being tender to Azula, of you taking care of her as if she was your responsibility; however, they knew very well how good of an ally you were to the Princess, which didn’t allow them to speak ill of you.

Azula stood perfectly straight, holding her fingers in her hand. Then, she started to move her arms in a circular motion to generate lightning. Once the bolt was ready, she fired it into the sky.

“Almost perfect.” Lo said.

“One hair out of place.” Li finished her sister’s word.

You didn’t hide the way you rolled your eyes.

In an aggressive way, Azula pushed away that loose strand of hair away. “Almost isn’t good enough!” She wasn’t pleased with herself, leading her to generate lighting once more and fire it off into the distance.

Sending a warning look at the old women, you walked towards your best friend. “Have I told you before how much I admire the way you use lightning?” You told her with a warm smile on your lips. The strong wind of the open sea was messing with your hair which was already put in a neat top knot. “Perhaps these moments are the most that make me envy you.”

Azula shook her head. “As long as it is not perfect, it doesn’t matter how much you admire the way I use it.”

Over the years, you have learnt to be patient with Azula – it was very much like dealing with a broken child, one needed to hit the right notes at the right time. “Sweetheart, it is perfect.” You insisted, keeping your tone soft and tender. “You have never seen the way your posture stays still even though such powerful energy is using your whole body as a pathway. And you certainly don’t know how magnificent it seems when one gets to see the reflection of your own lightning in your own eyes.” You could see the edge of Azula’s lips curling upwards. “It is terrifying – yes, but it is quite hot, too.”

You had to be careful when you wanted to compliment Azula – she didn’t like it when someone complimented her just for the sake of flattery. You had to mean it and the chosen timing had to be precise – just like now. Her technique was excellent, she could generate lightning with little to no difficulties. At such a moment, further criticising her would only contribute to Azula’s already damaged inner self.

Sometimes, the little girl in her just needed to hear some genuine compliments coming from the heart.

Winking at the smiling princess, you started heading to the kitchen. “I am going to make tea – would you like some as well?”

Azula shook her head as a frown formed on her face. “You and your tea obsession sometimes remind me of Uncle Iroh,” she muttered with an annoyed tone. “And I don’t like it.”

You shrugged indifferently. “I love tea – you should learn to love me like that.”

In fact, it was indeed Iroh who was responsible for your appetite for tea.

[Time Skip]

You stood behind the Princess, as if you wanted to melt into the shadows. Upon reaching land and finding the Banished Prince’s place of stay, Azula insisted you accompanied her during her first encounter with Zuko after three long years. Of course, for you, it too was going to be first time seeing Zuko after all these years. On the way, you gave it your best to tune down your shivering. It wasn’t because you were cold – if that were the case, your breath of fire could get rid of the shivering – no, it was because you were too nervous to look into Zuko’s amber eyes one again.

When Iroh and Zuko came back to their place of stay, Iron placed several seashells onto the table, failing to notice you and Azula at first sight. “Look at these magnificent shells!” Iroh said enthusiastically as he held up a shell. “I’ll enjoy these keepsakes for years to come!”

Zuko was in simple, grey robes with red stripes on the edges. After losing the Agni Kai against his father, he had shaved most of his hair but hadn’t touched the top knot – just like every other person would do in the Fire Nation. “We don’t need any more useless things! You forget, we have to carry everything ourselves now!”

His temper has got only worse as it seems, you thought with an arched brow. Just like a hurt animal, he is barking at everyone around him.

Iroh and Zuko both turned their look to the table as Azula spoke calmly from the corner. “Hello, brother. Uncle.”

For a brief moment, time seemed to freeze as your amber eyes met that of Zuko’s. You tried to understand what he was feeling from the look in his eyes but instead, you found yourself being carried to a distant memory from long, long ago.

“I will be back before you know it,” Zuko said as he cupped your face – his face wasn’t healed so he had his left eye covered. “I don’t want to see you wasting your tears because of it.”

“Please, Zuko.” You muttered between your sobs. “Let me come with you!”

Hearing Zuko silently speaking your name made you come back to the present moment. Without speaking to him, you nodded at his direction and then placed your right hand on Azula’s shoulder. Upon seeing the emptiness in your eyes when they were set onto him, the longing expression on Zuko’s face disappeared, leaving its place to anger.

Using anger to drown everything else he might feel – he is going to regret this but it will then be too late.

“What are you doing here?” Zuko asked Azula with an angry tone.

Azula held up a shell in her hand. “In my country, we exchange a pleasant hello before asking questions.” She spoke with a sarcastic tone, causing the edge of your lips to curl upwards. Right now, you found yourself enjoying how Azula toyed with her prey.

Three years ago, you wouldn’t think twice as you interrupted during such a moment.

However, the only bit of affection you felt at the present moment was towards Azula and no one else in that room.

Azula stood up from the chair and walked towards Zuko and Iroh. “Have you become uncivilised so soon, Zuzu?”

“Don’t call me that!” Zuko glared at Azula.

Iroh was trying to establish a calmer environment. “To what do we owe this honour?” He asked with a clearly upset tone.

“Hmmm... must be a family trait. Both of you so quick to get to the point.” Azula said as if she wasn’t related to them both at all, which raised an urge to raise an eyebrow at her but you kept it to yourself. Azula broke the shell she was holding. “We have brought a message from home.”

You started walking towards the princess with small steps as you talked. “The Fire Lord has heard rumours of plans to overthrow him and thus, he has changed his mind.”

Azula nodded, taking the word from you. The two of you carried out this play as if it were a theatre piece. “Family is suddenly very important to him, being the only ones you can really trust.” Waiting for a reaction from the Banished Prince, Azula paused briefly. “Father regrets your banishment. He wants you home.” Upon not receiving any feedback, a frown appeared on her beautiful face. “Did you hear me? You should be happy. Excited. Grateful. I just gave you great news.”

Iroh responded instead of Zuko, which was apparently enough to irritate Azula. “I’m sure your brother simply needs a moment.”

“Don’t interrupt, Uncle!” Azula got loud furiously. You placed your hand on the small of her back gently, which caused Azula to turn her piercing glare to you.

“Azula, please, you are better than this.” You spoke with a soft tone, which seemed to baffle Iroh to a great extent. Little did you notice the shock inside Zuko’s eyes turn to longing and jealousy. “Controlling your temper should be a simple walk in the park for someone like you.”

Azula gave you a small nod as the fury in her amber eyes lessened slowly. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face her brother. “I still haven't heard my thank you.” She spoke with an annoyed tone. “I'm not a messenger. I didn't have to come all this way.”

Finally managing to look away from you, Zuko shook himself and then started stuttering. “Father regrets? He ... wants me back?”

“We see that you both need time to take this in, don’t we, Princess?” You asked as you looked at Azula from the corner of your eye. She nodded at you. “We will come to call on you tomorrow. Good evening.”

Zuko kept looking behind you even long after you and Azula left their place of stay.

[Zuko’s POV]

The turmoil he felt within was about to drive him mad.

He didn’t know what he needed to reflect on: the fact that his father finally wanted him back after three long years, how his great failure at the North had hurt his pride or the way her amber eyes didn’t shine with love anymore.

Of course, he had spent sleepless nights ever since he was banished, thinking about what she was doing without him, how she was going to welcome him the next time they met, whether she has already moved on…

Zuko knew it would be foolish to hope for her to have stayed at the same place he had left her; however, he couldn’t have been ready for the coldness and emptiness in her eyes. For all his life, those amber eyes would shine the moment they saw him. Her memory had always brought Zuko nothing but warmth and peace. Until today.

It was obvious that the way he left her had scarred her in a way Zuko hadn’t anticipated. It felt like she had ripped that special place in her heart – where their memories, their affection for one another would rest – and burnt it into ashes.

However, she was still capable of showing affection, showing compassion. It wasn’t entirely gone – no, there just wasn’t anything left for Zuko anymore. For Azula, on the other hand… Oh, the Banished Prince didn’t remember being surrounded by that green could of jealousy before. It tasted bitter and it left one longing – longing to be shown the love he was once oh so used to feel.

I want it back, Zuko thought as he sat on the hill, watching the sun go down, colouring the sky in its crimson shades. I want her to look at me the way she looks at my sister. I hate the coldness in her voice. We were meant for each other!

Deep down, he knew very well it was all his fault but he wasn’t ready to admit the truth just yet. It was there, a silent scream, reminding him of every terrible thing he had done that day, he had said that day. Deep down, he understood the reason behind her coldness, behind the distance, behind the lost feelings…

The truth, however, was more bitter than the jealousy. He couldn’t admit it, he couldn’t accept that he was alone responsible for losing her.

Zuko shook himself. No, I haven’t lost her. Not yet. Slowly, he stood up, ready to head back to the hut. Once I am given my rightful place – by my father’s side – I will make it up to her. It was promised that she will, one day, be the wife of the future Fire Lord. I intend to keep my part of the promise.

[Time Skip]

“I told you they would come,” Azula muttered under her breath, keeping her voice to a minimum as you both stood on top of the ramp leading up to the ship.

“I must admit, I am disappointed.” You spoke with an equally low voice. Your eyes followed the Banished Prince as he and Iroh approached the ship. “I would have expected Zuko to be smarter than that.”

You could tell that Azula gave it all not to roll her eyes at your remark. “Oh, please – as if you don’t know my brother at all.”

As Zuko and Iroh walked up the ramp, procession guards stood on either side of them, forming an aisle. You realised that Iroh seemed rather suspicious as he averted his eyes between guards – he probably knew very well that they both were walking into a trap.

The guards closed the aisle when Iroh and Zuko reached the ship. “Brother! Uncle! Welcome! I'm so glad you decided to come.” Azula spoke, keeping up her façade perfectly. You simply nodded at them. For a brief moment, your eyes met that of Zuko’s – he didn’t even try to hide the longing reflecting through his amber eyes. However, you couldn’t risk being distracted, hence you quickly turned your eyes away, keeping up the strict face.

“Are we ready to depart, Your Highness?” The captain asked Azula.

The Princess nodded with a sweet smile on her face – you didn’t remember Azula showing such a smile with an audience. “Set our course for home, captain.”

The urge to smirk was too strong, you had to try quite hard to keep it to yourself. She does know how to play, you thought as you fixed your eyes on Azula. I love it.

“You heard the princess!” The captain shouted to the crew. “Raise the anchors! We are taking the prisoners home!”

It didn’t even take a second for you to turn to the captain with a sharp look on your face, your beautiful features being darkened by the fury raising within you. You idiot! You had only one damn job to do – one single thing!

The captain widened his eyes in realisation at his mistake as he looked at Azula; Zuko and Iroh were taken by surprise. Azula, on the other hand, carried the same fury inhabiting your face. You knew that if it weren’t for the importance of keeping the prisoners on board without letting them escape, Azula would have already chopped off the captain’s tongue.

“Your Highness, I …” The captain stuttered nervously but he quickly lost his spotlight as Iroh started to send fire blasts at the guards. Zuko threw the captain off into the water, stomping furiously towards Azula and you.

“You lied to me!” Zuko shouted at Azula, angrily.

Azula smirked. “Like I have never done that before.” The Princess held you from your arm as you both walked away, leaving the Banished Prince behind. You were confused as to what Azula’s plan exactly was but it seemed like she trusted the guards to capture him.

“Azula,” you spoke with a low but strong voice. “The guards won’t be able to hold them back. Don’t underestimate your enemy.”

“Ah, please,” Azula’s voice was overmuch condescending. “It’s Zuzu we are talking about.”

Before you could start lecturing Azula, you both turned back upon hearing Zuko blasting off two guards off the ship. He charged at the two of you with fire draggers in his hands but you could easily tell that his main goal was to reach Azula.

Iroh shouted at Zuko, telling him to leave the ship, but Zuko being himself, completely ignored the only sane thing to do at that very moment. The edge of your lip curled upwards as Azula easily dodged all of Zuko’s attacks – you didn’t even have to intervene.

“You know, Father blames Uncle for the loss of the North Pole. And he considers you a miserable failure for not finding the Avatar!” Azula talked as Zuko panted for air and for the first time since the previous day, Zuko was seeing the true face of his sister. “Why would he want you back home, except to lock you up where you can no longer embarrass him?”

Zuko conjured up two fire daggers again and leapt into the air, sending a powerful fire blast at Azula. You extended your arms forwards, palms resting against each other as you jumped in front of the fire blast. The flames went by you, losing their strength as your body acted like a shield between the siblings, protecting Azula from the flames.

As the smoke drifted away, Zuko’s eyes widened with shock and disappointment when he saw you standing there. Taking a deep breath to disconnect your emotions from your actions, you punched forward a wave of flames. At first, it seemed like Zuko was frozen in his place, unable to move as your flames flew at his direction, getting closer by the second.

Then, at the last moment, the Banished Prince rolled to the side. He wasn’t even capable of dodging the attack. Not because he was too weak – he was anything but weak – no, it was because he had never known this you before. He didn’t know what to do.

You had never let your flames get this close to him before – even back then, when everything was different.

“You always go too easy on me!” Zuko protested as he helped you to your feet. “I have seen you regret others the day they were born while training – why do you always hold back when it is just the two of us?”

A small smile formed on your lips as you walked towards the table to grab a bottle of water. “Zuko, do you truly believe that you will have to fight me someday?” You asked and paused for a moment to drink the water. “I mean like out there, in the world.”

“Of course not!” Zuko answered without even thinking about it. “You… Why would I have to fight my future wife?”

“See, this is exactly why I use different methods.” You said as you took small steps towards Zuko, who had a confused expression on his face. “With others, I have to show them what awaits them if they dare cross me someday. But with you, I can simply focus on the training.”

Slowly, you cupped Zuko’s face, standing on your fingertips, and placed a small kiss on his lips. The Banished Prince carried the hints of pink on his cheeks. “Since you won’t ever get to stand on the other side of my flames, you have nothing to worry about.” Zuko wasn’t able to hide his smile. “I will always be by your side.”

You felt as if you shared the same flashback with Zuko – time seemed to freeze around the both of you. Memories from a distant past started to flow in front of your eyes. However, this shared state didn’t last as you were both drawn back to reality with Azula, shooting fire towards Zuko.

For a split second, you felt the urge to jump between Zuko and the blue flames but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

Zuko jumped to his feet and continued to duel Azula, the two eventually making their way up the stairway leading to the central control area of the ship. Before you could follow them up, Azula knocked Zuko to his feet with a blue fire blast, the Banished Prince landing roughly at the bottom of the stairwell.

Your eyes widened as you realised Azula was getting ready to generate lightning. However, you knew very well where you loyalties lied; hence, you took another deep breath to let the chains of the feelings go away. With enough attention, anyone could see the hints of humanity leaving your amber eyes.

Azula moved her arms in a circular motion, generating the lightning to fire the bolt at her brother.

Suddenly, Iroh stepped in – you didn’t even notice him going up there – and grabbed a hold of Azula’s right hand as if he could take away the lightning. Your eyes widened with shock when you saw Iroh literally redirecting the lightning, causing it to strike a far-off cliff side.

Holy shit, you thought to yourself, your mouth wide open. Iroh redirected the fucking lighting! I didn’t even know such a technique existed in the first place! Oh, I would give up everything to learn that!

Well, maybe not everything but a significant amount.

Admiration left your body when Iroh kicked Azula off the ship. “Azula!” You shouted and jumped after her into the water, without even thinking about staying on board to at least hinder Zuko from escaping. When it came to Azula, you tended to let go off everything just to be sure she was safe.

“The royal guards are nothing but weights,” Azula spoke angrily after arriving the shore. Quickly, she used her firebending to dry off herself. “Unnecessary weight needs to be gone.”

You raised an eyebrow at her while using the same technique, hot steam was radiating off your body. “What do you have in mind?”

Azula smirked, her clothes were already completely dry. “We will be paying some old friends a visit.”

As you followed her to the ship, you couldn’t help yourself but roll your eyes. “So I won’t get to see my boy for a while, eh?”

“Your dog,” Azula put an emphasis on the word dog while speaking, causing you to roll your eyes for the second time “could have made it to my list of useful people if he had used some of his time for training instead of fooling around.”

“No wonder he is intimidated by you.” You muttered under your breath. “Well, anyway – who are these old friends?”

[sozila]

convalescence. (sukuna x reader)

synopsis: convalescence noun. time spent recovering from an illness or medical treatment; recuperation. ryomen s. itadori was a disease that infected every part of your life, and you didn’t notice until it was too late.

pairing: best friend's older brother!ryomen s. itadori x pre-med uni student!fem reader.

warnings: explicit content eventually, mdni. mentions of sexual assault.

masterlist | previous | next

you are on: incubation. (part three)

a/n:

i'm so sorry this took literally forever to release! i was writing parts of the nanami fic and this chapter simultaneously, and then got really busy in between :( as an apology, wc for this chapter is 7.3k!! biggest shoutout to @beeh-ive, my one and only beta reader <3 ilysm and you are my iv, my lifeline. mwahs. anyways i hope you enjoy!!

ao3 link here.

incubation. (part three)

sukuna kept the hello kitty band-aids you gave him in his wallet. 

he had no intention of using them, though he kept telling himself they were there if he needed some in an emergency. if that was the case, they wouldn’t be sitting in the photo pocket where he could see anytime he opened his wallet. 

what he forgot was that anyone else could also see them in his wallet, in all their flashy pink glory. that brings him here; when he begrudgingly pulls it out to pay for gojo’s food and he hears the brat start ooh-ing at the sight of them.

“aww ‘kuna, when were you gonna tell me you got a girl?”

he prods around sukuna hoping to sneak a glance at any other evidence. albeit sukuna didn’t hold anything else of yours, he sure as hell didn’t need fucking gojo knowing anything. before he could continue with his trifling, the cafeteria attendant hands sukuna his card back and he shuts the wallet with a quick slap, thrusting the tray into the over-curious man.

“shut the fuck up and eat your damn food. moocher,” he grumbles under his breath as he walks far ahead of gojo, who was skipping behind him like a satisfied child. satoru knew that the band-aids could just be a fluke, but he knew better than to overlook such a detail if it gave headway to bothering his grumpy friend. you think satoru gojo would miss the detail of seeing you on his motorcycle that night? no one was allowed to ride with sukuna minus his family. all he knew now was that he kept an eye peeled for you, the girl that sukuna threw punches for a couple nights ago. 

geto’s eyes flick up from his phone when the two reach the table he and shoko were already sat at and nods in greeting. “got my fries, bossman?” sukuna slides a container of fries to shoko and she puts her palms together in thanks towards him, already digging in. 

geto turns to the older itadori, brows knitted. “i didn’t want to grill you at the house, but todo found out about the mahito shit.” sukuna rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, sinking more into the chair. “you saw what the fucker did. you think i was gonna let my little bro’s friend get felt up by a frat brother?” geto sighs and puts his phone on the table. “i let you get some in because he touched her. but it’s not a good look when other frats saw an upperclassman beat up his younger out of the blue. todo says he’ll let it slide because of the circumstances, but next time, he’s gonna call an advisory meeting.” 

sukuna was irritated beyond belief. so sukuna was on thin ice, and mahito was facing nothing because he got his shit rocked? he scoffed. this was the exact reason he couldn’t be on the executive board for the organization. “whatever, man. i would’ve done the same even if it wasn’t a brother.” geto nods solemnly. “as a person and your friend, i don’t see anything wrong, trust. but as the vice, i have to tell you this so you’re aware. rules are shitty, i know that the most,” 

geto seemed genuinely apologetic so sukuna lightened up a tad. as the year had progressed, he could tell geto was getting fed up with dealing with social events and conflict resolution at the fraternity house. sukuna was surprised that todo was also slipping in his spirits, considering how proudly he boasted and enacted his duties as fraternity president. there’s no way he was able to make the decision to warn sukuna without feeling bad. todo was big on making the “respect women” rhetoric heavily enforced amongst them– so sukuna boiled it down to the answer that the panhellenic caught drift of the fight and made a push on todo. it checked out. the main board always did drown out scandals and washed blood from the hands of their brothers, unfortunately. therefore, sukuna was grateful this was his last year in the wretched organization as an active. he was only here because his grandpa was an alum anyways. 

“yeah, i don’t give a fuck about that consequence bullshit, geto. mojito got his ass kicked for touching up a girl, the end.” shoko pipes up, not looking up from her food.

satoru bursts into a cackle, his drink spitting out a little. “shoko, his name’s mahito!” 

she gives him a grimace of disgust. “the fuck? mahito, mojito.. bitches need to get better names, i swear to god.”

“...and then megumi told him to eat a dick, can you believe it? i think the guy was too embarrassed to say anything after that–” 

yuuji was raving about something that happened in his design class that you thought was just so yuuji of him to find hilarious. you laugh at his recreation of the scene, only to stop with the sight you caught from across the pavilion.

it was a familiar 6 foot 5 inches of black leather and faded jeans. your cheeks heat at the memory of your last exchange from the past weekend. his hands brushing yours, your eyes watching the drop of his eyelashes, your lips inches from his enough so you could feel his warm breath– you had to shake the thought away. it was inappropriate to assume that anything was even going to happen. you notice sukuna wasn’t alone. he was walking with the same brown haired girl from the party. the pretty one in the little black dress, you remember. she was in deep conversation as they walked, and sukuna seemed awfully in tandem with her. 

what, why did you even care? it wasn’t like you harbored any interest in the older itadori anyways. he was bad news all around, too brash for your liking. did you forget how every person you knew thought he was an asshole, save for his brother? he’s only ever insulted you! you bet he took you home out of necessity, you would imagine he’d get a scolding from yuuji if he found out sukuna could have helped you and didn’t. he was nothing more than your best friend’s emotionally-constipated older brother. 

but.. you didn’t let your brain register that your heart sank at scenarios in your head between him and that cooler girl. she was definitely more fitting to sukuna’s type, you were sure. her style was more mature, and aesthetically matched his. she wore demonias and you had a collection of mary janes. she probably didn’t even own any pink glitter ribbons, like the ones you liked to wear. 

“aww, you always do this! are you even paying attention to me?” you snap out of the gloomy bubble you were ruminating in. you were too focused on a man that didn’t even appear in the same social circles as you, how pathetic! you had bigger things to worry about, too. your shiny new internship was waiting for you. yuuji gave you a whiny tug and leaned his head on your shoulder, enlisting a chuckle and shove from you. he truly had the face of a puppy. “okay, okay! you have my full presence now, you big baby.” yuuji beams at you with a goofy grin. he continues on, animatedly, distracting you from the revelations you’d made. what you didn’t catch was that he followed your line of vision when your mood dropped, and was well aware it had something to do with his brother..? he had every intention of finding out why. 

the both of you enter the lecture auditorium and you tap into your rhythm again, forgetting your gloom. physics was easy for you to lose your brain into as the subject was satisfying once you got the hang of it. on the other hand, yuuji found it unnecessarily confusing and ended up needing your help from time to time. after the three hour lecture, your professor informed the class that you were to work on a project that weighed a quarter of your grade for the course. it was allowed to have a partner, but you could work individually if you wished. while you preferred doing such high-risk assignments by yourself, you couldn’t say no to the same puppy face that mouthed pleads to you. when you pack your things and go down to write your choice on the professor’s clipboard, you add “yuuji itadori” next to your name. “did i ever tell you i love you more than nobara and megs? you should know that,” he loops an arm around your neck and ruffles your hair, tousling the hairdo you had it in. you chortle. “you owe me like, thirty coffees.” “heard loud and clear, cap’n!” you decide that it would be best to start working right away and yuuji tells you they should work at his place so he could shower you with snacks and things (look at him, already living up to his deal). obviously there was no way in hell you’re passing that up, and you get to hang out with your lovely best friend for another couple hours. a total win-win.

10:00 P.M.

whoever said this was a good idea was a big fat liar. you were on the fifth reiteration of the same problem you were trying to explain to yuuji and he looked like his brain was going to spontaneously combust from the words you were throwing at him. “wait, what do you mean hooke’s law applies here?! i’m so loooost!” he threw his hands up in defeat and slumps on the coffee table, face mushed into the glass.

“we need to take a break or i might die…”

you sigh and shut your laptop. “me too. i think i forgot what i said as soon as i told you.”

you pick up an unopened bag of doritos and toss it to yuuji’s head. “nothing like red 40 to clear your sadness, though,” he moans in agreement and reaches for the bag, his head still stationary to the table. you dig in the tray of snacks for a packet for yourself when you hear the front door unlock.

in comes the same leather jacket and faded jeans, along with a bunch of grocery bags in each hand. they looked extremely heavy altogether, but he seemed to carry them with no real effort. he sets them on the kitchen island and peers at the two of you in the living room. sukuna’s face shifts slightly when his eyes land on you. you turn your head away with a jolt.

“got your shit, yuu,” he calls.

the younger itadori lifts his head finally to look for his brother, throwing him a thumbs-up.

you pretend to be immensely busy with your search for chips when you felt him walk by, and out of the corner of your eye you could see him glance at you as he goes up the stairs.

of course he would stop by when you were trying to forget about his existence. but again, why did you care?

yuuji peeks at both of your reactions and frowns. he didn’t like this one bit. at best, sukuna was just being his usual rude self to you. at worst, something was happening between his best friend and his older brother… eughhh. the thought made him writhe a little. he knew that nothing good would come out of it for either of you. growing up with a brother like sukuna.. he knew how he could get. 

“i hate you so much! you’re pushing dad away!” sukuna throws the first thing he sees at the woman in front of him. her eyes are dim with guilt. “ryomen, you know it’s not like that..” her words fall in nothingness, and she falters. what could she say? her red fingernails fumble with the button on her suitcase. “you’re throwing us away! you’re leaving me and yuuji for that ugly stupid man!” he screams in anger, but tears are flowing heavily over his bruised face. yuuji watched as his brother berated their mother, helpless. he wanted to tell him to stop, that this was too much.. he shut his eyes tightly and imagined the day before, when they were going out for ice cream instead. the giggles they had, his mother wiping his chubby chin with her sleeve, the game of hide and seek he and his brother shared at the neighborhood park. “yuuji, my messy boy,” his mother cooed, eyes crinkling with a smile. her blouse billowed with the summer wind. heavy footsteps broke the evocation, and from the crack of the door he saw another figure. no! he clamped his tiny hands over his ears until they went white, knees to his nose. the smell of his mother’s perfume in the dark closet helped him go back– to tune out the muffled sounds of fighting. the voices of his mother, his grandpa, and that man ebbed away. slowly, he drifted, his mind crystal blue.. the only thought left was the taste of chocolate and his mother’s soft caress; a silent requiem.

yeah, fuck that. and fuck him for trying to mess around with your head.

yuuji throws a dorito at you. you make a sound of annoyance and throw one of your own in retaliation. he giggles. “wanna go get banana milk?” you stretch your arms above your head with a yawn, cracking your fingers. “yeah, we could use some fresh air.” he hops up immediately and goes to put on his shoes. “hey, ryo, we’re going to the convenience store for milk, be back soon!” he yells from below the stairs. you hear him give a grunt of acknowledgement from above and you both make your way to take your minds off things. it wasn’t just physics that lay heavy on your hearts.

as soon as sukuna’s saw yuuji’s text that he would be studying with “a friend”, he was already speeding through his last repair at the shop. choso, his cousin-slash-coworker, nearly yells at him with the speed he was screwing the bolts back in on the vehicle. no matter. he’d done this same shit a million times over, it was like clockwork. he changed out of the oily uniform and got on his bike before he could get a proper scolding. he shoots a reply.

“bringing groceries. be there in 20.”

he tucks his phone away before yuuji could deny him. and just like that, he was lumbering to the elevator of yuuji’s complex with a giant load of bags in each hand. it was insanely efficient, if he said so himself( sukuna was conveniently leaving out the part where he switched out his bike and borrowed satoru’s camaro to make the aforementioned grocery trip, but he digresses). 

he entered the apartment with a little difficulty, but it was worth it when he saw the mary janes sitting neatly on the shoe rack.

when he sets the bags on the counter, he looks to the living room to see you looking at him with that gorgeous face of yours. something about your complexion was so naturally saccharine, like you radiated sunlight.

he raises his hand to give a small wave but falters midway seeing your expression flip, snapping away from his gaze with your face flushed with an emotion he couldn’t decipher.

sukuna was mildly confused. weren’t you on new terms since that night? not even a bit?

“got your shit, yuu,” the kid throws a thumbs up.

as he takes off his jacket, he finds himself glancing repeatedly at your now-nervous form. he couldn’t help feel a little irritated. sukuna was seemingly the only one exempt from your natural state, for whatever reason(sukuna’s aloofness to the fact 1. you both met officially only two weeks ago and 2. the amount of times he’s argued with you, was borderline insane). 

you were wearing a different set of ribbons today, a pale lavender in hue. he wondered how many more were in your collection. the outfit you wore was simple but flattering, albeit he couldn’t see it properly.

a chuckle rumbles his throat when his focus shifts to see your face was almost entirely inside the tray of chips, doing anything to avoid small-talk he assumed.

his brother was slumped on the other side of the table as well, and he just shakes his head. it always was hard to tutor yuuji, the little brat was just so hyper. he says a silent prayer for you and walks up the stairs without another word.

he’d talk to you tonight eventually, he would make sure of that.

the street was mostly empty and dark, save for the streetlights marking your path back. the trip was fairly short but you and yuuji were walking at a leisurely pace, sipping on the tiny drinks. yuuji hesitates to ask you about sukuna, so he settles for talking about the party. 

“so how’d you like the party? i was totally shitfaced, so i never got to ask you,” he joyfully perked up. you sigh and look at him with a small accusatory smile. “yeah, you totally left me in the dust, whore. the party was okay, i guess. i did meet this cool guy,” you began. 

yuuji ooh’s and bumps your shoulder with his. “well, don’t just say that and stop! tell me more,” he eggs you on in a lilty tone. “actually, he said he knew you. his name was suguru,” yuuji snaps and shakes a finger in the air. “yeah i do! he’s super chill, one of sukuna’s frat brothers. he’s the vp for the fraternity!” your eyebrows lift in surprise a little. “oh wow. i didn’t know he was the vp,” you murmured, taking the information in thoughtfully. so suguru was more than just affiliated, he was practically running the show. and he was close with sukuna, which was kind of unfortunate. so much for having an interest in someone decent. “yup! he doesn’t seem the type, but he does a good job. or so i’ve been told by gojo and ryo,” he laughs, taking another sip. 

“sooo… anything i missed at the party?” you were hoping he wouldn’t ask, but you assumed it would’ve come up eventually. you nod and sigh, looking up at the dark sky. yuuji slows down to a stop, brows cinched together. “something bad happened?” his voice drops to a lower, more serious tone. 

“when you guys left, i ended up bumping into this really sleazy guy.. i guess he was trying to flirt with me?” you began. 

yuuji looked visibly enraged, his eyes twitching. “go on.” 

“he didn’t end up doing anything crazy because megumi came, but he did.. grope me.” you mumbled. 

this was so stupid, you genuinely wanted to forget it even happened. you hadn’t put a ton of thought on the event until you recounted it, and it left a pit in your stomach. 

yuuji crushed the milk carton in his hand and started walking faster. “i’m calling suguru and figuring out who the fuck that was, there is NO WAY–” 

your eyes widen as his usually innocent and sunshine personality switches to an aggressive demeanor. you catch up to him and stop him from starting a second round of fighting. man, maybe yuuji was related to sukuna– the way both of them reacted instantly was too alike. 

“wait! oh my god, hold on!” your hands push into his chest and he looks at you incredulously. “he got beat up at the party! he got what he deserved,” yuuji looked properly confused. 

“megumi never told me he beat up someone, what?” 

“it wasn’t megumi, yuu! it was sukuna.” 

his face dropped the confusion and something unreadable replaced it. “...oh, i see. he saw that shit happen to you then?” 

your face blanched. you didn’t think about that. did sukuna just watch you get assaulted? you wracked your brain to figure out the chronological order of events, but the adrenaline in the memory made everything a blur. “i.. i don’t know, maybe!”

yuuji’s face hardened.  “and he did nothing to stop it?” 

you had to defend sukuna, he literally beat up the slimeball for you. there was definitely something you were missing, but you didn’t know what. your voice was wavering. “megumi stopped it, so it’s fine, yuu! can we drop it now? please?” 

yuuji notices that this was getting hard for you to talk about, and his anger for his brother was getting displaced onto you. he softens, shoulders untensing. “I’m sorry, [name]. that was shitty of me to grill you.” he looks away, a guilty look falling on him. you wrap your arms around his torso and squeeze lightly. “it’s okay, yuu. i know you’re just worried for me. i really appreciate it.” he squeezes you back tighter. “i feel horrible that i was trashed and did nothing to help you. that’s so not what a best friend should do,” he says into your hair. you sigh, cheek pressed on his chest. “seriously, i don’t blame you. i just.. don’t know how to feel about it yet, so be patient with me.” he squeezes you tighter. “i’m gonna be here for you always, babe. nobara, megs, all of us okay? if you ever need to talk about it don’t hesitate. i love you so much,” your heart swells with warmth. you knew how much your friends cared for you, you never had a doubt about it. “you’re gonna make a bitch cry, yuuji, seriously,” you fake punch him in the stomach and he doubles over groaning, playing along. “now, i’m going to teach you that physics problem and you’re going to understand it,” you pull away from his chest to shake a strict finger at him, lips quirking in a smile. he gives you a firm salute and starts bounding to the apartments. “sir yes sir!” 

when you entered the flat again, you make a beeline towards the bathroom upstairs. you hadn’t noticed your eyes got teary enough to smudge your makeup during your heart to heart with yuuji. he was bent over with laughter when he showed your raccoon face to you in his phone’s front camera, earning him a smack. 

you’re looking down at your own phone as you walk up the stairs to take a better look, when you’re met with a wall you didn’t notice before. or wait.. a firm surface? sukuna has an arm propped on the wall before the bathroom, and he was looking straight down at you. 

your face goes red immediately, and you can’t back up because you’d end up tumbling down the stairs. a weird checkmate. “so what’s with you avoiding– why are your eyes like that?” his eyebrows go from serious to confused. you frown up at him and start wiping at them. “is it really that bad? god…” a rough hand holds your chin and pushes your head up, the other rubbing under your eye gently with his thumb. 

“you cryin’, sweetheart?”

his voice rumbled in a whisper, breath on fanning on your lips. your heart was pounding so hard in your ears you barely heard him. you were so close you could see his stubble, the scar on his upper lip, even the intricacy of his neck tattoo. 

“no, i wasn’t, well– actually i was, but not for the reason you think-”

 your eyes drift to the bathroom door as you ramble until the hand that was holding your chin is now wrapped around the small of your back, just shy of your ass. 

you shut up. 

he smirks.

“alright, you just look like a panda then. now, are you gonna tell me why you're avoiding me?”

 your face pulls into a mild glower. “i’m not avoiding you, what?” 

“yeah, you are. didn’t say hi to me.” your hands press on his chest to ease from the proximity. you notice he’s wearing a wife pleaser like the first day you met him. what was your mind going to? your eyes flick back up quickly and narrow at him. 

“we’re not even friends, why would i say hi to you?” 

his head leans closer to yours, noses almost touching. "didn't yuuji tell you to get along with me?"

 you glare. "he never said that, asshole." 

sukuna gave you a vexed look. did you expect him to remember the words verbatim? "okay, he said some bullshit about warming up to each other! god, you're so difficult." 

"me? difficult?” a scoff leaves your lips. all you could think was that the audacity of this man was unbelievable. “you are literally cornering me to talk to me!" you gesture to the position you were both in, but he didn’t seem to budge.

sukuna huffs, almost petulantly. you try to push him away, but the grip of his hand on your back wasn’t letting you go. he didn’t get the answer he needed from you, and he wasn’t going to let you leave without it. between the party and now, something had happened for you to act so differently. you were so soft and open with him that night, but now? it was back to square one. 

“...you’re still in the way! seriously sukuna, what do you want from me?” you were exasperated at this point. his insistence would be endearing, if he wasn’t such a major fuckwad. honestly, out of every girl he could have bothered, he had to choose you? where was that other girl he was so stuck to anyway? why couldn’t he have just called her instead of holding you hostage and bombarding you with questions about your attitude? your irritation was growing, and his lack of response only proved to increase your frustration. why was he just looking at you?

sukuna was wracking his brain to form a coherent thought after you dropped that bomb on him. what did he want from you? this was unlike him to chase after a girl, and to almost harass her over a simple ‘hi’? he was obsessed over what? fucking hello kitty band-aids. he’s barely keeping his hands off of you with the way you were staring at him, assessing his every feature. your cheeks were puffed and rosy, your eyes still blotchy with mascara but god, you looked so perfect standing before him. he wanted to kiss you. he wanted to kiss you so bad. he wanted to kiss you that night when you told him his eyes were sanguine red. what the fuck did that even mean? he had to look that shit up and lo and behold, it was the perfect shade match. you were so fucking smart it pissed him off. he enjoyed riling you up by telling you otherwise. he wanted to yank those lavender ribbons out of your hair and never give them back. it was so perverse; the way he was holding you wasn’t enough for him. you smelled like honey and sandalwood, he couldn’t get that out of his head ever since you rode behind him on his motorcycle. he wanted his bed to smell like you. he longed to wake up there and it would be the first thing to hit his senses. this was testing his restraint in ways he didn’t know existed. he knew he couldn’t cross that line, this was mental to even consider doing! what was doing him in so badly?? even he didn’t know what had gotten into him. all he knew was that he felt a little more than just irked you were taking precautions to avoid interaction, especially when he was dying internally to merely hold your gaze.

 “y’know, i really need to go to the bathroom, so if you have nothing to say to me, i’m leaving. stick to teasing other girls.” a pregnant pause. his face fell at your last sentence, it definitely held some edge on your tone. sukuna shifted, a hand going up to your cheek. you scrunch your brows in flushed inquisition. he looks to the side before bringing his eyes back to you. they appeared poignant, almost wistful. you weren’t able to discern why, though. his voice was more delicate this time.

“..did you feel–”

“you okay babe?” yuuji’s voice from below snaps both of you out of your heated exchange. sukuna’s hands drop from you like they never belonged there to begin with. you take the opportunity to finally go to the bathroom, accidentally shouldering sukuna as you push past him. yuuji’s worried expression immediately becomes one of annoyance as he watches his brother come down instead, sourness cast on his rough face. “are you kidding me? what was that about?” yuuji had his arms crossed, jaw ticking. sukuna halts and turns to face him. “mind your fuckin’ business, brat.” yuuji bites back an insult, opting to check up on you instead. he knew he couldn’t start something with sukuna when you were home as well. 

yuuji knocks on the door of the bathroom. “did sukuna say anything to you?” you were in the middle of splashing water to cool your flaming cheeks. “no, it’s fine! don’t even worry,” you call back loudly, drying your face in a manner that was definitely too rough on the skin. 

your mind was racing with images of sukuna, his lips, the feel of him holding you, his cologne stuck in your nose– coming to do physics at the apartment was supposed to be a distraction from what was going on between you two. how come when you threw yourself more into your work, this idiot would weasel his way back to you! 

you look at yourself in the mirror and you cringe at the sight. yikes. the combination of no makeup and your blotchiness was not the best. as you go to pick up your phone from the counter, you see the time flash. 2:35AM. you were an hour past the time you wanted to leave, you had an 8am that next day. technically, it was already the next day.. you wince. sighing and opening the door, and there was yuuji. “i know i said we need to finish the problems, but i’m really tired yuu,” you admit with a nervous laugh. “i have anatomy and physiology at 8 tomorrow, and i can totally explain it to you at lunch! right?” this had got to be the lamest excuse. coming from you, the person who never avoided doing work, it was suspicious to say the least. the morning class was buyable, but procrastination was not in your vocabulary. yuuji suffered firsthand from you about it. he raises a brow. “aaalright, no worries. don’t have to tell me twice.” he laughs back weakly. this was becoming extremely awkward. both of you were acting off and the silence that followed did not help either of your cases. “okay! so i’m just gonna head home, get my things, yup!” your voice was weirdly pitchy and before yuuji could question it, you were already down the stairs in a blast. “wha– girl, it's way too dark out!” he calls after you. 

you start collecting your computer and belongings into your tote bag, quickly moving. you almost trip over while putting on your shoes, slipping them on carelessly. sukuna had rounded the corner from the kitchen upon hearing your commotion, yuuji on his tail. “whoa, you’re goin’ now? it’s too late at night, let me–” you throw a hand in sukuna’s face. “you’re not giving me a ride, i brought my car.” having another experience of prolonged close proximity with him in the same night was too much for you to handle. besides, this time you thankfully had a saving grace. barely. “at least let me walk you down, it’s dark as hell outside.” sukuna looked sincere in his concern, but yuuji was eyeing him indignantly. “you okay with that, babe?” yuuji gives you a face that says it was okay to say no, but you nod your head in reassurance. “yeah, it’s fine. i’ll see you tomorrow, yuu.” you blow him a small kiss with your two fingers like you usually did, and he mirrors it back. sukuna puts on the first pair of shoes he sees, already halfway out the door when you turn back around. he gestures to you to get a move on with his head, earning an eye roll from you. 

you walk out and he closes the door behind you, giving yuuji one last wave. the walk down to your car was wordless, and sukuna didn't look at you once. better than him looking at you fervently, you suppose. when you step into the driver’s seat and reach to close the door, he stops you. his tall figure crouches down to meet your level, now meeting your gawking stare. again? 

“you didn’t let me finish earlier.” 

your eyes dart to the console, fingers fidgeting. “okay, out with it then,” you mumbled. 

“i wanted to ask you if you felt the same shit i felt that night when you told me that stuff about my eyes.” 

his body language was firmly attentive to you, but his voice had a weird waver to it. he remembered what you said about his eyes? what did he mean, feel the same shit? the silver chain around his neck dangled between the both of you, glinting in the streetlight as it moved. you noticed he was breathing deeply. nervously? what the fuck. “what are you talking about?” he silently cursed and readjusted his footing, clearly uncomfortable with the fact he needed to spell it out. he wasn’t exactly in touch with his emotions. “you really are the most difficult fuckin’ girl i’ve ever met, fuckin’ hell. just tell me what you meant by it.” you peer at him from the side of your eyes, trying to search his face. you were pretty confused at what he was trying to get at overall, but you just answered his question. “nothing. your eyes are just sanguine red. i like that color.” his lips quirk up and he angles his head at you. “you like my eyes?” your face flames. “i said i liked the color! what is it with you and mishearing people?” you throw back. with a huff you turn the key to turn on the engine, which prompted him to move out of the way so you could shut the door, him laughing at your irritation. he knocks on the window and motions you to lower it. you oblige angrily. 

“you literally have 10 seconds or i swear to god i’m running over your toes.” you seethe. 

his stupidly handsome face was just egging you on. his hair was tousled, the wind breezing through it gently and he looked unfairly good. you shivered with the chill going up your neck. he licks his lips and you watch it shamelessly. he notes this. 

“just tellin’ you that you got lucky with your car today. whenever you think about getting an uber, don’t. you’re not getting in a car with any other man besides me.” 

your heart skips a beat. nope, that was just a palpitation. your heart does not skip for sukuna, you did not consent to it. before you can register it, he flicks your nose with a grin. you rapidly blink, enlisting more cackles out of him. you punch him in the arm before he’s running back to the apartments. “not fucking happening!” you yell after him, head sticking out of your window. you fume all the way home, your music turned up to drown out the pounding in your chest. 

when sukuna opens the door, he’s met with a really pissed off yuuji. “you need to leave [name] alone, ryomen.” sukuna knew this was coming given that he witnessed your altercation to a certain degree, but he was definitely overreacting. he’s kicking his shoes off and trudges to the couch, unbothered. 

“i’m not doing shit to her, yuu. it’s just teasing.” 

sukuna leans to grab the remote off the table when yuuji grabs it instead. “i’m fucking serious. stop fucking around with my friends.” 

sukuna looks up at him with a raised brow, jaw flexed. “i said, i’m not doing shit to her.” 

yuuji laughs bitterly and shakes his head. “i’m not four anymore, ryo. i can see what you’re doing and you need to quit now.” he jabs a finger on his brother’s chest, which garners him to stand up and face him, his height paralleling yuuji’s. sukuna was just as irritated now. looking down at yuuji, he takes a moment before he speaks so it doesn’t end up in curses. 

“you forget you’re speaking to your aniki, brat.” he grits through his teeth, fists balled up on either side of him, shoulders tense. 

yuuji’s eyes narrow. “she doesn’t need someone like you fucking her life up, ryomen. i don’t care if we’re brothers, if you toy with her and she ends up hurt, i’m killing you.” 

sukuna suddenly gives him a shove to the chest. “and you need to mind your fuckin’ business like i told you to!” 

yuuji’s face flashes with mild shock at sukuna getting physical, backing up with a stutter. “so what, you’re gonna fucking hit me now? what is wrong with you lately!” yuuji throws his hands up in the air and paces the room intensely. 

sukuna’s stony face falters, his arms relaxing. what was he doing?

 “you always do this shit! you talk about respecting women and you can’t seem to fucking treat one right! is it because of mom? how much longer are you going to hold on to that?!” 

sukuna begins to bound towards him to give him a real piece of his mind but yuuji throws the remote on the couch towards sukuna, cutting him off and gesturing aggressively. “but you know what? that’s not my shit to figure out. if you want to distract yourself from your baggage, that’s fine by me, but like i said, [name] deserves SO much more than someone like you.” he spat, chest heaving from his tirade. “i’m going to bed. you can see yourself out.” the younger itadori brother’s stomps fade into the apartment as the other is left speechless, thoughts muddy with guilt and a reopened wound.

the next day you had plans to meet with nobara at the university coffee shop, which made you mildly uneasy. with your permission, yuuji had told nobara about the party situation and her reaction was similar to his, and she had approached you at lunch to talk about it. it went rather smoothly so you didn’t feel so horrible about retelling your thoughts– nobara just understood.

what you hadn’t told her was the events of yesterday with sukuna, and those were definitely going to be coaxed out of you over coffee. she had a knack for making you empty your guts with her. it was her evil superpower, you say.  your shoes clack on the tile floor of the small joint that resided by your university as you made your way inside, head flitting to search for your redhead. it was a cozy spot, mostly run by employees that were also students at the university. the owners were an old couple that were alumni and had the place built on the courtyard spot they had first met at. the story was widely known by students and carried the spirit of the place, pictures of them and other former students littering the walls. you found it absolutely adorable as a hopeless romantic. you finally spot nobara waving at you by a window table and make your way towards her. “you look cute today, any special occasion?” you shrug, a small smile on your lips. “it’s 10 degrees warmer today, so i decided to celebrate.” “well i’m loving the skirt, don’t be surprised when i borrow it.” you giggle, sticking your tongue at her. “you mean steal, not borrow.” nobara pretends to weigh the two words with her hands. “steal, borrow, it’s all very subjective babe.” you set your bag down on the chair next to yours, a stray piece of hair falling in front of your face in the process. “hey, you.” your head spins to where you heard the deep voice and finds a tall black-haired man. “oh hi, suguru!”

nobara looks at you with a question mark on her face, eyes flicking to him and then you. you give her a little “stop it!” look with your eyes, hoping he didn’t see it. geto was awfully observant and a smooth talker to boot, so you were generally screwed much to your oblivion.

he leans a hand on the back of your chair and tucks the stray hair piece behind your ear. “you look pretty as per usual,” his grin was mind melting. your clothes suddenly felt too warm even though they were the most ventilating pieces you owned. you throw a hand in flattery at him, gushing. “oh stop, you’re too sweet!”

if nobara didn’t have questions before, she certainly did now. from the corner of your eye you could see her gaping at the scene unfolding before her.

you feel embarrassed with the display you had created and changed the subject quickly. “oh, this is nobara, by the way. you probably didn’t see her at the party but she was the one with the green haired girl.” suguru snaps and points at her. “you were the one fucking up the dance floor! i remember,” he sticks a hand out and nobara shakes it firmly, a too-sugary smile plastered on her lips. you could tell she was assessing the guy to his very bones.

“that’s me! and the girl with me was my girlfriend maki.” suguru nods in recollection. “well it’s nice to officially meet you, outside of the frat stuff! it can be a lot sometimes," he glances back at you and frowns apologetically. “which is technically why i came over to talk. i really wanted to say sorry for what went down. the pres, todo, is handling mahito’s consequences so i hope that reassures you,” he looks at you with a face of worry and concern.

“i’m glad not all frats are shitty,” nobara tells him vaguely, code for “thanks for doing your fucking job for once”. he chuckles nervously and nods in thanks. “well, i’ll leave you guys to your coffee now. sorry again,” he pats your head and beams, vanishing out the door with a jingle of the bell overhead. instantly, nobara slammed questions down back to back in hushed screams. “what the fuck was that?! and he tucked your hair? what is this, bridgerton? you didn’t freaking tell me about meeting a GUY at the party, you bitch!” you begged her to quiet down as people started paying attention to the wild hand movements she was doing. nobara, oh my god please! it’s been literally two days!” “yeah, two days of girl code betrayal! i needed to know this shit like yesterday!” she squealed at you and shook your shoulders. you wince at the bombardment and wave an imaginary flag of surrender.

“okay, okay fine! at least let me order my coffee?” she abruptly stops for a moment and notices that you in fact had nothing in front of you. “oh em gee i didn’t even peep that, my bad.” she holds her hands together in a “please forgive me” position. you both immediately burst into giggles. “buy me a cookie?” “you got it.”

you walk up the register and ask for your favorite drink and nobara’s cookie. the girl that took your order was really nice to you for some reason, but you weren’t complaining. she was giggling a lot when she rang you up, which was odd but.. okay.

“your boyfriend is so sweet, by the way. i wish mine tried half as much,”

ohhhh. she must’ve seen you and suguru talking. you let out a small laugh and brush it off. “oh, he’s not my boyfriend,” you say. her brows furrow in confusion. “the pink haired guy with tattoos? he literally told me to give this to his girl in green ribbons!”

you notice there’s a pain au chocolat on the bill that you didn’t put down. pink hair.. there’s really just two choices in that description. you flip around to see if yuuji or sukuna were around, and from the outside of the cafe in the courtyard, you see sukuna leaned on the bricks, smoking. he gives you a small wave, cigarette in hand. you roll your eyes in disgust and ignore him. insistent asshole and a nicotine addict, great.

you turn back to the girl and give her a nervous smile, awkwardly accepting the free pastry. you didn’t tell nobara about the occurrence because you could handle only so much whiplash from shaking in one day. she just took it as another freebie from you and ate it happily.

you rub your temples and sigh. something tells you you’re going to have to be a lot firmer with sukuna going forward.

ahh! this was lowk a pain to format but i hope you loved it :) also, some people wanted to be in a taglist!! here they are:

@kawliflo @deepcloudspyhairdo just so i don't lose track, my taglist will tag you for any of my works! if you choose to opt out, please message/inbox :) also, i will cap it eventually! don't worry about this because i cross-post on ao3, and they also have a subscribe feature that can notify you when i post :)

peace luv bathtub!!!

© sozila 2024, all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other mediums or sites. cross-posted on ao3 and tumblr under same alias.

[bbanghiitomi]

| upside down

synopsis: kim minji who has lived in the same dorm for almost 3 years suddenly receives a surprising new roommate, this one — she knows will forever change her life.

— non!idol!kminji × non!idol!ill!femreader

(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿

"teacher? why are you here?" minji asks as she watches the familiar old woman in front of her doorsteps, carrying a large bag with a small smile. it hasn't been long since she saw this old woman inside her dorm she always manages to pay her visits and ask her about her well-being every now and then. ms. hwang is a teacher for the handicapped, she lives in the same building and takes care of students who are disabled — she herself is also disabled, yet she finds it in her to help other students surpass what they think is impossible.

minji isn't one of them, but she knows a few — ms. hwang have basically lived her life helping students in need, minji has witnessed it a couple of times and is proud of the old woman, often trying to offer her dinner sometimes when she comes home late at night and sometimes helping her pack up things or carry heavy stuff to another building or room.

as for minji, she's been living in the same building for almost three years, she's had different roommates who have left not for too long — she experienced the worst and the best, this place is basically her second home. her last roommate was a girl named pham hanni, she has left after choosing a different university but they are still contacting each other and will often visit each other's place. hanni was technically her best friend, this is coming from minji who has never really had that much friends growing up, she's good at socializing but the problem always lies with her lack of connection with people; often ending up with her completely losing contact with another person.

"minji! i have some good news." ms. hwang enters inside as she mumbles a small excuse, minji gives the older woman some space and closes the door as the old woman walks her way to the now empty room.

"is this about the roommate i was asking about?" minji has been living alone for 2 months, that meant she had to pay the whole dorm without sharing it with anyone and it's been hard for her wallet. minji walks around and watches as the teacher starts cleaning the room and fixing the bed.

"yes, she's gonna move in here tomorrow. you told me to assist the papers, right? and so i did, everything's already fixed and by tomorrow we'll wait for her. okay?" minji widens her eyes and then nods, standing on the door frame of the room, she leans and crosses her arms as she takes a deep breath. "that was really fast, i appreciate it ms. hwang, this is like my first time inquiring you about a roommate." minji chuckles to herself, it's true — all the time she spend living in this building, whenever she'll look for roommates, she's always the one discussing it with the person, she's also the one accomplishing the paperworks.

just this time... it's been a busy term for minji, she's always out at the university campus working on her labworks, she's also busy with helping students with their academic papers, it has become her part time job and it pays quite well — enough to suffice her needs and as well her wants.

"it's alright minji, you're always working hard and diligently, i'm pretty sure your advisory appreciates your presence and your advice. let me take care of this for you even just for once." ms. hwang says as she finishes fixing the bed, she walks around to start cleaning up the table and minji walks outside to the corridor, then walking straight to the living room slash kitchen.

she stands in the middle, minji even as she's standing in the middle of a cramped room — it still feels as if it was empty, there's a light above her, she's getting taller and taller; next thing she knows her head will eventually reach the ceiling. minji has always felt so lonely, even before she was in this dorm — there's always an empty space lingering in her mind, she could be in a sea of crowd but eventually she'll feel lonely, stranded.

the lack of communication with her family fuels this feeling inside of her too, she doesn't even remember the last time she's had a conversation with her father — and although she wants to, it's hard for her.

tomorrow, she'll welcome the new addition to her collection of roommates — guessing by the fact that ms. hwang is the one working on the requirements, minji can already tell that her new roommate isn't the same as the last ones, a person with disability — it's not a bad thing but it's new...

"minji... tomorrow, make sure to welcome her very warmly. i promise that she won't be a problem to you, i just hope you also take good care of her and give her your full support." minji watches as ms. hwang walks past her, her round eyes follow the elderly woman who walks to the door of her dorm, carrying the her things. minji opens her mouth but then closes it again, before nodding with a small smile.

"alright, i got this ms. hwang. don't worry about it."

the next day, minji comes home to see that the living room is occupied with ms. hwang and a man in his mid-40's, they were conversing as they sit on the couch. minji silently enters inside, carrying her backpack and a few papers in her hands. as she was walking past the living room, ms. hwang may have been able to feel her presence and that's when the old man looked at her too.

"oh my minji, you're finally home!" ms. hwang greets her, minji nods and smiles sheepishly.

"hi ms. hwang, good evening mister." minji bows at the pair.

the man acknowledges her presence and gives her a small nod with a smile. "good evening too ms. kim, it's nice to meet you." he says, minji looks at ms. hwang who signals her to sit down to which minji did.

"yes, nice to meet you too sir. i hope you feel comfortable here." minji says as she takes a seat and places her belongings on the small coffee table in the middle.

"it's mr. jang, i'm happy my daughter is staying at this place. it's not the biggest but it's clean and safe, the closest to the university she's studying at and the hospital. my daughter also likes it here." minji can't help but smile at the words from the man, she nods in agreement and clasps her hands together before speaking once again.

"i'm glad you feel that way, i'll make sure to keep this place the same and i'll be very responsible." minji tells the man, receiving a satisfied look from ms. hwang. "you know sir, minji is a very responsible student, she takes her job and studying seriously and keeps a good look on the dorm. i'm pretty sure she'll be very helpful with your daughter's stay here." ms. hwang says, minji looks at the woman and then to her feet, staring to grow curious about the new roommate she'll be sharing the place with.

"i'm happy to know that." mr. jang glances at his wristwatch and stands up. "y/n's sister is looking for me now, we have to go and take care of y/n's medications and for now, i'll be trusting the two of you. take care of my daughter." he says as he lives and walks out of the dorm, minji stares at thin air as she starts to think about what this man truly feels.

it's the fact he seemed nonchalant about this whole exchange, how there's no sign of sadness lingering in his voice, but it's very obvious he is in deep fatigue — the bags under his eyes, the wrinkles and the whites of his hair — he's strong, it's clear to minji how much this man cares for his daughter and how he's willing to do anything to help her.

"minji, i'll be taking my leave now. y/n already ate dinner and is staying in her room. for now, you can go ahead and take a rest. i'll come back tomorrow." ms. hwang leaves and all minji could do pull her lips into a thin line, sitting alone on the couch as emptiness starts to crawl around her.

as soon as the clock strikes 9am, "teacher!" minji opens her door to see ms. hwang coming inside the dorm, carrying her bag as she walks inside the now occupied room, it seems like y/n was calling out for her through this small telephone connected to ms. hwang's room.

"hi ms. hwang." minji greets the older woman, the older woman smiles back at her. "hi minji, i need to go inside y/n's room, it's time for her weekly exercise." she whispers before entering inside the room and closing it immediately. minji stands in the middle of the corridor, pursing her lips as she slowly nods, turning around to look at the room next to hers.

minji blinks a few times before walking to the kitchen to grab the box of cereal and notices the newly bought foods on the shelves, it's now cramped — back when she was living alone, the shelves barely had any food inside.

minji held the box of cereal in her hand and grabbed the carton of milk inside the refrigerator which is now also filled with newly bought food, dumbfounded but not unbeknownst to her, she grabbed the carton of milk and prepped her meal.

as minji's eating, the door opens and minji turns around to see ms. hwang.

"minji! can you grab the telephone and dial the number on the sticky note hanging on the corkboard?" minji stands up, her mouth filled with cereal and grabs the telephone to dial the number.

"dr. shim — y/n's weekly morning exercise: ×××-××××-×××."

minji swallows her food and looks at ms. hwang. "what do i say?" she mouths, and as her sight focuses behind ms. hwang inside your room, she spots you, sitting up on your bed as you hold your phone up.

minji feels her heart stop at the new discovery.

"tell her y/n's ready for her therapy."

minji shakes her head and nods.

the door is closed again, minji is wearing her complete outfit on her way to the university, she's still thinking about you though.

your hair, your eyes, the only things she was able to see clearly from your side view and past your door that's been restricting her from reaching out to you.

minji realizes she's got no business to peep on your situation so she takes her leave for the day and hopes her curiosity slowly dies so you can have your peace.

minji is at an empty university computer lab, her laptop sitting on the table as she taps her pen on the wooden table, looking for any corrections at the research paper her advisory have just submitted her.

"hey, you should stop trying to avoid repeating the words 'soil moisture' you need to be consistent with your terms, it's very confusing if you use different words pertaining to the same idea. it's alright to repeat those words, unless you're explaining." minji talks as she's currently in a call with her advisory, scrolling at her laptop looking for more mistakes.

"the variables are okay, i suggest you should inquire at the building of forestry and technology to add another test on your variables; how about test the accuracy of your sensor? or the level of moisture?" she adds, clicking through the pages of the paper. minji sighs before closing the file.

"i think that's all, you can ask me more questions once you revise those parts. for now, i think you should really focus on your robot — don't worry too much about the paper, you'll get it right." minji shrugs, looking out the window.

"thanks ms. kim." the student says, the call ends and minji thinks about you once again, wondering what you are probably doing right now.

minji groans and starts to feel frustrated because of her lingering curiosity about you, it doesn't help that she was able to get a peek of your face earlier, fueling her desire to be able to get close to you once again.

when minji arrives home, she sees your sister — wonyoung, exiting your room and having a small conversation with ms. hwang before leaving without saying a word to minji, minji stands near the door with a dumbfounded look on her face.

"y/n's older sister paid her a visit, isn't she so nice? she seems worried about her sister and wants to take care of her but y/n refused saying she had other things to take care of besides her." minji nods as ms. hwang gives her the details of today's anecdotes, after ms. hwang left minji continues to think about what you're doing inside your room.

are you sad?

lonely?

tired?

are you happy?

maybe you're frustrated...

what if you suddenly need help?

minji took note that she can actually hear you whenever you call for ms. hwang, she hears your voice but only when you call for teacher.

she's never heard you say anything other than that before and is becoming more curious as time goes by, week after week, until your first month of stay inside the dorm has passed minji have been used to always seeing ms. hwang more than once a week, it became a daily thing. minji will leave earlier before you even eat breakfast, she'll also come home late after you ate dinner.

"minji, i'm not here tonight and can't help y/n eat her dinner. i haven't told her about it but i'm leaving this job for you just for tonight don't worry." ms. hwang says as she gives minji a piece of paper, minji stands with the paper in her hand — looking at it then back to ms. hwang. "uhm, it's alright. your timing is perfect i'll come home early in the afternoon." minji states, taking small deep breaths, trying to compose herself.

there's some kind of rush inside of her, she doesn't understand what that might be.

"oh my god thank you so much minji, that's the instructions of how to bring y/n here at the dining table. there's the equipment for her chair, just make sure she doesn't get hurt or fall over." ms. hwang reminds minji who nods and gives her a reassuring smile. "don't worry ms. hwang, i'll take care of her. i promise i'll be gentle."

that night minji takes her earbuds off trying to scope any sound from your room, then she hears your voice again.

"teacher!" you shout.

minji stands up and walks toward the door of your room, reaching out a shaky hand to the metal doorknob and feeling its cold surface tingle her palm, she twists it and pushes the door open.

you lay on your bed, taking deep breaths. minji's eyes scans the posters on the wall, pictures of you and your sisters, your family and friends. you weren't knowledgeable about minji's presence and the girl was practically shaking.

"h— hey..." minji calls out, you turn your head meekly and see her face, your eyes squint before you blink and look away. "where's ms. hwang?" you ask minji, minji sighs and scratches her nape.

"there was an emergency and she was needed, she ordered me to help you eat dinner." minji says standing beside your bed, you sigh with a smile. "okay." you mutter.

you grew up almost like every other child — "almost" as you were unbeknownst to the growing illness inside of your body, as you grow old your muscles began to weaken, almost to the point that even walking began to be hard until your legs have completely given up.

it didn't help that your case was almost rare, every medication is double the price of a normal surgery, your therapy costs hundreds of thousands per session and even if your family could afford it you still can't help but feel bad because ever since you start to lose your ability to walk, all they can think about was your situation.

it's frustrating but you continue to keep moving forward, still holding up a positive outlook and view of the world, managing to smile because no matter how hard it gets, how painful it becomes you still have your family behind your back, always thankful you get to still see them.

it's so hard... even just raising your hands already feels like you're carrying 10 pounds of iron, your muscles have grown so weak that you're stuck having to lay on your bed all day, sit with a harness around you.

it feels like you're slowly rotting, that time where your parents wanted to have you stop studying and focus on your well-being, you feel like you've given up that's why you refused and persuaded them to take you to the dorm because you wanted to keep learning, sometimes even tutoring high school students from time to time.

"am i heavy?" you ask minji, she wanted to say yes because you're lower body and almost most of your upper body lack any movement to support your weight but minji shakes her head.

"it's alright, just enough." you usually don't get carried by ms. hwang, instead she pushes the wheelchair close to your bed and helps you move to sit on it.

but minji with her strength carries you to the wheelchair with ease, immediately putting your harness around you. as she crouches down, locking your wheelchair, you stare at her face — realizing this was your first time seeing her face up close, she's indeed beautiful.

you've heard lots of good things about her from ms. hwang, even from your father when they first met — you wouldn't deny the fact that you didn't care about minji when you first came here but seeing how nice and caring she actually is, you feel drawn to her.

"thanks." you mutter, minji feels her face flushing red and she nods. "no problem." she pushes you outside to the dining table where the dinner is already served.

minji didn't hesitate to offer you other foods, like ms. hwang does, you appreciate her sheer kindness and thoughtfulness and can see her genuineness from her eyes.

"i hope you come here inside my room again tomorrow." you tell minji as she sets you on your bed, not even caring about how heavy you were on her arms. her hands were big and rough but gentle, her black hair soft against your skin, and her eyes shines in front of yours.

you smile at her causing her to look away. "i'll try." minji whispers before leaving your room.

"teacher! my medications please!" as the door to your room opens, ms. hwang enters inside and you spot minji standing outside before the door closes and she turns away. you smile at the sight before having a conversation with ms. hwang as you take your shots.

"was everything okay yesterday?" ms. hwang asks, you look at her with a smile and an answer. "perfectly fine, minji was very gentle with me." ms. hwang sighs in relief to your answer.

minji is free once again, but she takes this time to sit on the sofa and watch tv. you're still inside your room, minji promised to try and visit you but she's not even coming inside, so you take it upon yourself to see her.

"ms. hwang, can i watch tv in the living room?" you ask her, ms. hwang nods and immediately helps you get to your wheelchair. minji turns her head to see you and ms. hwang coming out of your room, you smile at her. minji stands up as she notices ms. hwang getting your body to the couch and help to carry you, you had a hard time but you still try to wrap your arms around her neck.

"thanks minji." you whisper at her.

"minji, she wants to watch a show on the tv. kindly accompany her as i leave." ms. hwang tells minji before leaving, there's an awkward silence between the two of you, nothing but the sound of the tv keeping the surroundings alive.

and maybe minji's heartbeat too.

"u-uhm, what did you want to watch again?" minji turns to you as she speaks, holding the remote in her hand. you laugh and shake your head. "nothing in particular, whatever you like." you shrug, minji looks at the remote and goes back to the tv.

a baseball match is playing and minji's starting to lose her focus.

"you like baseball?" you ask, minji's ear tips are bright red and burning hot.

"a bit." she answers.

you smile fondly. "i only said that because i wanted to see you again." you admit.

minji looks at you with wide eyes. "what..?" she mutters.

"you promised me you'll try to visit my room but you didn't." you pout. minji laughs sheepishly. "i just didn't want to bother you while you were studying." she sits properly on the couch and looks away, clearing her throat.

your eyes soften at the sight of her face. "you won't."

minji looks at you again, feeling her heart stop every second that passes by your eyes looking at hers.

months have passed, minji starts to realize her feelings she harbors for you, each time that passes by her yearning grows deeper and her feelings start to overflow that it starts to scare her. minji doesn't understand what to do, every breath she breathes inside your room feels suffocating, her heart clenching whenever she remembers how hurt you are — she feels bad.

so bad that every night she spends alone in her room is filled with endless thoughts about your well-being, she wants to get you out of the pain you're suffering, she wants to save you but she doesn't know how. whenever she sees your pained expression is another knife on her chest, a stinging feeling close to a thorn stuck on her heart lingers — these feelings of both love and pain are too much.

from wanting to see you, minji grows her feelings until it gets hard to see your state.

she realized the severity of your illness, how there's a possibility that there might not be any cure for it.

that empty feeling inside her became occupied by your presence but it's cramped now, and her heart feels like it's about to burst.

she thinks about the words you said. "i can't fall in love when i'm like this." she wants to pull you in a tight hug, but she knows how tight it would be — it's probably harder for you than it is for her.

she's selfish, minji knows that.

she wants to think of you but it hurts.

minji remembers that night, she spent it with you, you kept asking her questions and she didn't hesitate to answer — you found out it's been long since minji was in a relationship and you've never been in one, because of your situation, relationships have been the last of your worries. although minji starts to change your mind, you couldn't help but feel like it's not right.

it's painful.

"it hurts! my legs..." you cry out as tears start to roll down your face, you can't move anything — your muscles are hurting so much, a hand pats your head and you look up to see your sister. "it's okay..." she lulls you but it's not working.

minji stands outside of your room, your door shut again but she can hear your cries, you pleading for anything to stop the pain from getting worse.

minji sobs, feeling her heart clenching tight, she breathes heavily, hand on her chest as she tries to stop it from hurting.

"oh no." minji mutters before teardrops start to fall on the floor, her head hanging low and the world felt too big for her to hold.

it's almost like she's also carrying the weight of your pain on her shoulders.

she's about to fall.

and it's going to hurt.

"i can't do this." minji mutters, splashing water on her face, the water drips down her chin, the sound of the faucet echoes on the walls of the restroom and hanni can't help but feel bad for her friend.

"you're making things hard for yourself, why are you running away like this?" hanni asks her friend, looking at the distressed girl leaning on the sink. minji peeks at her friend through the mirror and then looks away.

"i'm not running away. i'm just — avoiding my feelings, hanni we can't be together." minji's tone is harsh.

"why is that? it's literally exactly the same? you're making her whole point correct!" hanni argues, minji grits her teeth and closes her eyes before pushing herself up. "i don't think she wants me the way i do with her." minji mutters.

"if you're going to turn away from her just because of her situation then you might as well leave — that's literally what she's trying to say, no one stays for her because of what she's going through." hanni rolls her eyes, throwing her hands up.

minji walks in circles, a hand on her forehead. "i don't want her to push me away, i also don't want her to leave me. but what am i supposed to do, she thinks so low of herself and i — i love her."

hanni looks at her friend and sighs.

"minji you have to be honest with her."

lately, you've been more quiet — isolated.

minji opens the door to your room and you bring the book in your hands down.

"minji..." you mutter.

minji smiles softly before closing the door gently, she stands there trying to compose herself properly before speaking.

"does your body still hurt?" she asks, walking towards your bed. "do you have energy to talk or should i just watch over you?" she asks again.

you appreciate her kindness.

"i want to hear you talk." you tell her with a smile. minji nods and sits at a chair next to you. "i've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, mainly about my worries for your health and college, then my advisory. i've been wanting to tackle something important and i need to hear your thoughts." minji starts, she clasps her hands together and bring it close to her lips, thinking of what to say next.

"what is it?" you ask, growing nervous.

minji sighs. "uhm, i understand and i'm completely knowledgeable about your situation. i know it's painful and it's hard, you can always tell me about it, i'll take care of you anytime you need me." minji pauses, bringing her hands to your bed. "lately, i've been really worried about you. you're so brave and strong, but when you cried i... i didn't know what to do. i've also been under a lot of stress, so it's all mixed up inside of my head but i always think about what you've told me and of course you... it helps me a lot." she continues.

you nod at her, you take a deep breath and try to bring your hand to her even if it's taking you all your energy to lift your hand, minji reaches for it and brings it down, but still holding your hand.

"y/n... i know this sounds extremely stupid but i've been meaning to say this for a long time." minji scoots closer and brings your hand to her face. "i love you, so much." she hides her face with your hand and hers. "ah, i know. i know. there's no right time for this except now, i think. i'm scared you'll leave and i won't be able to be honest about what i feel but... i hope you don't — please don't push me away." minji's hands are trembling, she's not looking up but you can see the way her lips were quivering.

you give her an apologetic look.

"i understand, you know minji you've always been so kind to me and i'm thankful i was with you the whole time. you make me feel alive, you make me feel like someone i haven't been able to be for a long time." you look down at her, eyes watching minji's hands caressed yours.

"i love you too but we can't be together. you need to find someone else who's a better fit for you. i can't love you like this." you finish before sighing.

minji grips your hand tighter.

"no, it's not like that." minji shakes her head.

"you don't get it. i love you more than that, and i'm willing to stay here no matter how long and i promise to take care of you." minji turns her head to you and you see the tears on her eyes.

you look at her but with no expression.

"i feel bad for you minji." you trail.

"why'd you have to fall for someone pathetic?"

minji stares at you and just for a bit, your eyes look empty, like that space inside of her.

"...what?" minji mutters.

"you know what i mean..." you turn your head from her, eyes darting somewhere that's not minji's presence. minji is still holding your hand and she stands up from the bed and leans closer to you. "y/n, i know but i'm being honest and you shouldn't say that about yourself—" you cut her off with a sigh, minji looks away and lets your hand go.

she takes a few steps back, fixing her clothes. "can you call ms. hwang for my medication? maybe we shouldn't talk about this for now, i don't feel good..." you tell minji and she immediately nods and leaves your room, but that was your only excuse to escape from the pressure inside your chest about to have your heart imploding.

"hope the sun isn't too hot." you hear minji speak as she pushes your wheelchair, you agreed for minji to take you to the nearest park to get you to bathe under the sunlight — it's been a while since you last felt the feeling of the sun on your skin. you hate how kind minji is, she's still really ready to do whatever for you and it doesn't matter how much you push her away.

maybe you don't understand her at all, the things she'll do for you even if you don't ask her.

you hum. "it's perfect."

your eyes scan around the area, there are not many people around but still you can feel the energy around the place, kids and their parents and stalls and pets. you relax under the sun, you tell yourself you're going to be alright.

"i wish we were always like this — " you speak, minji looks down at you and smiles, though she's still bothered by the feelings lingering inside of her, mind and heart — she's trying to stay quiet, for your sake and as well as hers, maybe it truly was for the better.

"and just like this." minji knows exactly what you mean, nodding her head and letting out a deep breath. "yeah, it's — you're right." minji answers.

but it eventually gets hard, you wish you could do something about this stupid illness, you laugh to yourself, even having a hard time turning your head. minji looks ahead and notices the sun getting too hot, she reaches for your shoulder and caresses it gently.

"let's go back." minji whispers.

you feel bad, for yourself and minji — you weren't lying at all when you told her about what you felt.

you love minji but it's hard, you don't want her to feel like she's stuck at the same place and at the same time doing the same thing, breathing and living for someone else and not for herself. you hate the idea of her leaving but you also don't want her to be hurting for you, it's so hard — so complicated.

because you know how tiring it would be, you saw it with your family you know it won't be different with minji — she has a life ahead of her, so much to do and so much to live for, why would she settle here with you?

you're just going to hold her back.

"i'm so sorry minji." you mutter, as minji was taking your harness off — minji looks up and smiles at you, it breaks her heart to see her trying her best and you know it hurts her too to see you this way.

"it's okay, you're going to be okay." minji says as she carries you and lays you down your bed.

you're still living with her, in the same cramped space, breathing the same air and feeling the same way.

but this time untold secrets stack themselves on top of each other and it grows each time you decide to close your lips again instead of saying anything.

everything has changed, upside down.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

oh no i absolutely agree. when it reaches 120 out at least then the dry heat feels like it cancels out and its just like "hm. technically im roasting alive but this isn't That bad!" humidity in 80 degree weather makes me wish i was never born. which thankfully is something i rarely if ever experience <3 honestly the worst part of dry heat is how damn Bright it gets the hotter it is. i gotta wear sunglasses to bring the trash in smh

and also, bc it occurred to me:

people from other regions: the only thing people who live in the desert do is complain about the heat

people from the desert: hey! we also say "we needed this" when it rains once a year

yeah sex is great but have you ever found a shady parking spot in 100+ degree weather

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

The pharmacist who gave me my flu shot let me know a new COVID booster is coming out late August-early September. I don't remember seeing any posts about it here on Tumblr so here is the information about it for those of you keeping up on COVID boosters.

Get your flu shot, get your COVID booster, protect you and your community from viral illnesses! Even if you personally would probably be fine, there are vulnerable people in every community who deserve to be able to live and be in public safely.