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detginski · 6 years ago

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A tattoo for a lengthen hand hold

Human!RK900 x reader

tattoo artist au with flower shop au hehehe

writing for self indulgence also bcs muirail gave me this idea and its lit as shit

as usual, word vomit + shitty writing + lining words together to make some sense. mckfing enjoy muah muah

It’s been a slow day at the parlor. You were supposed to have an appointment now but the customer canceled last minute due to some things they can’t avoid. So here you are, hanging on the bench infront of the parlor, smoking and watching the world go by. It was a chilly kind of lazy day, you enjoy the sound of people chattering excitedly at the cafe right down the streets, the soft sound of machine whirring inside the parlor and you look up at the bright and colorful shop right across the street from the parlor. You smiled against your cigarette when you notice the older Anderson talks to his plants as he waters them. Over the time you worked there, you develop a little bit of crush towards that man. It was not your fault that you fell for the charming smile he gives to the customer or when he just looks so serene and handsome when he checks out the flowers at the shop like its the most amazing thing he has seen. Oh how you wished he looked at you like that. Your crushing was made apparent when Gavin pointed it out one day. And everyone in the tattoo parlor sees it and agrees on the fact that you are very much very inlove with the man who only spares you a few words of greeting. Gavin always teases you whenever Nines opens up his shop or whenever he walks by the parlor and if you were tattooing someone at the moment, you would put your tattoo gun down and watch him walk by.

You threw your cigarette butt in the almost filled ash tray beside you and walked across the street towards the shop. You knocked on the window, smiling and waving when the man on the other side of the glass turned to look at you. You could see him restraining himself on giving you an eyeroll. Lets just say your charisma check is always a critical fail the d20 dice whenever you talk to him. Because of your shitty social skill, you weren't exactly on his ‘favourite person’ list because of that one incident where you accidentally embarrassed him in front of his customers. Well, it wasn’t your fault that when you learnt his name is Richard, you thought his nickname was Dick. And that got you downgraded from ‘eh im okay with them’ person to ‘what the fuck is this weirdo still here’ person. But you are still on his ‘tolerable person’ list and you get to call him by his actual nickname, Nines. You see him putting down his watering can and walked out of the shop to lean on the window you just knocked.

“So what secrets did the plants tell you today?” You mentally punched yourself in the face for that shit conversation starter. But you could hear him chuckle at your comment and your heart soared, score one of the geek!, you thought as you light up a cigarette. "If it weren’t for the fact that your shop is right across of mine, I would think you’re either obsess with me or you have a crush on me.” He says as he plucks the cigarette you just lit out of your mouth and smoked it himself. You looked up at him dumbfounded and blushed when you see him smoking your cigarette. Which had touched your lips. You turn head down to watch your feet when he turns to look at you with an eyebrow raised “So, which is it?” he asks as he keeps on smoke the cigarette that’s been on your lip. On your lip, like an indirect kiss or some sort. You are very much freaking out, mentally and physically, over that fact and you just blurt out a, “hey! looks like I forgot I have an appointment right now. Catch ya later, flower boyyo!” You awkwardly gave him a wink and finger guns him before jogging back to your parlor and entered hastily.

Everyone in the shop had seen the exchange, Jason was giggling while he works on a tattoo on a customer, Tina who's working the counter gave you a thumbs up and Gavin openly laughed at your face. “You should’ve seen your face! God that was so priceless. I’m pretty sure he’s thinking how much of a weirdo you are right now, (y/n).” Gavin had laughed so hard he had to sit down to catch his breath. You rolled your eye at your best friend and purposely lean on him with your full weight, "Shut the fuck up, noob. It’s not like you’re any different. Oh Connor, Oh beautiful baby faced Connor” You said in a mocking sweet voice. That earned you a pinch on your thigh. “Okay, now YOU. Shut up.” You mocked a laugh at the man and he just gave you a middle finger. “Get off me you mooch. Unlike you I have a job to do.” You made a face at him and moved to sit at the seat Gavin was sitting, “It’s not like it’s my fault my customer bailed on me.” “maybe its because you have so much geek tattoo on you they’re afraid your nerd would rub off on them.” “Oh shut up, tattoos are art and you shouldn’t insult art.” Gavin shuts his mouth at that and nods with a smile, “Point taken, flower boyyo.” He escaped with a laughter towards the studio for fear you might flung the nearest item towards him.

You were cleaning up after a walk in customer when the bell on the front door rang, signalling someone had entered the parlor. You heard Gavin greeted them and him, chuckling? You inwardly shrug and finish clearing up your area before Gavin called you from the front desk. You answered and grabbed your cup of coffee, sipping on it as you walked from the studio to the front desk only to nearly choke on your coffee when you realize who it was. You coughed wildly into your palm and Gavin’s hand automatically went to your back to give it a pat. You could’ve swore you see Nines’ face changed from irritated look to indifference in mere seconds. You thought he really does dislike you to a certain level that made him do that face when he sees you. You deflate alittle but turned to Gavin to avoid looking like a kicked puppy if you made eye contact with Nines.

“So what’s the sitch?” "First of all, you nerd. Second of all, our neighbour here wanted to get a tattoo.”

“Oh cool-”

“From you.”

You thanked god you had put down your coffee cup because if you were still holding it you're afraid it might've get crushed in your hand. You turn to Nines and your eyes widen in surprise, “Cool cool cool cool cool. So what is it that you want me to tattoo on you?” Gavin gave you a really wide smile and lean in to whisper in your ear, "Pray real hard he gets to take off his shirt.” And slink away as you blushed at that. Now that you’re facing Nines, you could see that he wasn’t irritated at you, he was irritated at.. Gavin? But what did Gavin do that made him the receiving end of Nines' face? you thought but ignored it for the sake of good customer service. Nines cleared his throat and took out his phone to show you a sleeve tattoo that runs from the chest to the back of his hands, “I want to design done, if that’s alright.” you took his phone from his hand and ‘ooh-ed aahh-ed and woaw-ed’ at it all while looking super amazed. "Oh damn, flower boyyo! This is a sick ass design!" you excitedly told him, that gained you a soft smile coming from the man. The design was a biometric design starting from the chest with dashes of flowers in between. "Give me two days tops to make a stencil out of it. Oh my god can't wait to get this done!" You're so excited you forgot who are you tattooing and the fact that, he indeed will take off his shirt for you, when you're tattooing him.

"Can you send me the design via bluetooth?" Nines shook his head and gave you a suave smile, "I'll text it to you. What's your number?" You stopped your movement half way and look up at him, did he just.. did he just casually asked for your number?, your dork brain is screaming at you and your heart is already out of your chest, writhing on the floor because, your crush had just asked for your number. "U-uhh.." You had to clear your throat and shook your head to get your mouth connected with your brain again. "I-I'll type it down on your phone." You quickly typed in your phone and pass it back to him without saving it. You were still trying to comprehend what had happen when you jumped at the sound of your ringtone. "Now you have my number. I'll text it to you later, okay?" He says, still flashing his suave smile and then he winks. He mcfucking winked at you with that smile plastered on his face and for the love of god it has your heart spluttered to a stop. And you only managed stare at him dumbfounded as you watch him walk out of the store.

You turn to Gavin who's watching the entire exchange and you immediately let your freak out, "What the fuck?! What the flying fuck?! Did you see that?! Gav!! Did you FUCKING see that?!" Gavin was also freaking out with you but he's laughing while you're genuinely freaking out. "Ho..ly.. SHIT!!!!! That actually fucking happen!! Oh my fuck!!" Gavin laughed his ass off again for the second time that day and you can’t help but join him laughing. It took the both of you 20 minutes to cool down. “Oh my god. oh my good fucking god. That man is going to kill me one day” “Not if he smash your pelvis first!” with that you smack your bestfriend in the head.

The first text you received from Nines was the picture of the tattoo and a ‘Can’t wait to see you in action’ and that got you squealing and nearly punching Gavin in the face when the other decided its a great idea to chill in your room when you’re excited. Since then, both of you have been casually texting each other, usually Nines is the one initiating the texts. He always sends you a good morning with a picture of his flowers or plants or even a blurry picture of Connor he took which you gave it to Gavin. Finally you’re done with the stencil and it was time you see his naked torso get on with the epic tattoo. Gavin has been teasing you about it since morning and you felt like you haven’t had enough coffee for the day even tho you drank almost 6 mugs of coffee.

You sent a quick text to Nines saying he could drop by anything and you’re just prepping area for Nines when suddenly you felt a presence behind you. Thinking it was Gavin trying to tease you for the millionth time that day, “I know what you want to say, Gav. Can’t I just enjoy my job for once? I mean yeah we both know he has a really hot bod and I’m definitely gonna enjoy my time tattooing him but really? I’m getting real tired of the relentless teasing since last night.” you sighed and turn to the presence behind you only to have your eyes nearly popped out of your socket and your face turning bright red. Nines is just smiling widely and looking very amused. “So when shall we start, (y/n).” the way his voice lowers an octave on your name does things to your heart and to your body. “U-uhh I-in a few minutes! Just give me a moment to prep the area! Wait at the lounge would you?” you nervously blurt out as you escape from him and running straight to Gavin. You put your face on Gavin’s shoulder and screamed into it. Gavin is used to you using him as a ‘venting pillow’ just pats you on the head, “That’s what you get for being such a loser, loser.” you just punched him at the side weakly and Gavin chuckled at that. He noticed that Nines is actively trying to murder him with his eyes from the lounge and he nudges you, “Uhh, apparently flower boyyo is trying to kill me with his eyes. I’m actually scared now. Get off me before he walks over here and stabs me with one of my own needles.” You reluctantly lets go of Gavin and turns to Nines only to see that the man is just flashing you one of his suave smile. “Ugh, if he keeps on giving me that smile I swear I’m going to have a cardiac arrest and high blood pressure.” Gavin only chuckled at that and went back to working on his customer’s tattoo.

You finished prepping the area and called Nines over. “You can take off your shirt.. if you’re comfortable with it.” you added quickly. Nines chuckled and took it off without answering you and dear god good lord almighty all the high heavens sweet baby jesus he is EXTREMELY WELL BUILT FOR A FLORIST, you thought and unconsciously licked your lips. What you didn’t realize was, Nines was watching your expression and his eyes darken for a second at you licking your lips. You took in a shuddering breath and asked him to lean back on the chair, “You ready for some pain, flower boyyo?” “It’s definitely better than you calling me ‘dick’” he winked at you and you just awkwardly laugh at that embarrassing memory. “Aalrighty then.” and with that you start, focusing entirely on doing the tattoo and obviously not on the rigged body you feel underneath your glove clad hands.

The tattoo session you had with Nines was just completing the chest and bicep part, then the second session was the shading of the area and you continuing down to his forearm. And then finally the last session, where you get to hold his hand for the final part of the bionic arm tattoo. During the last few session, you learnt that he had served in the army and the marines. His dad wanted him to become a cop but he felt like the cop life just doesn’t suits him. So he went and sign up for the army then continue on to being in the marine. Hence the wellbuilt body and his knowledge on different types of martial arts and weapons. You, a dork, was intrigued by his stories and his adventures, you wished the sessions never ends. But alas, here you are, almost completing his tattoo.

Gavin could see you pouting the entire morning and watching the time like it had insulted your entire family lineage. He sighed at your slow brain and approached you that morning during a smoke break, “Ask him out for coffee.” “He could get coffee here.” “I mean ask him out on a date, dumbass.” You just turn to Gavin with the most scandalous expression, “I can’t just ask a very attractive man on a date! Have you seen me? I look like a raccoon shedding its fur. If not worse, like a balding raccoon drenched in garbage water. That’s what I look like on a daily basis.” “Not to him, you’re not.” you just rolled your eyes at your bestfriend’s attempt on making you feel better. “No I mean for real. Have you seen the way he looks at you when you’re talking about your geeky shit or that one story you thought was funny but it was not? Yo! It’s like some cliche rom com shit Tina likes to watch.” “As if.” “Believe it or not, I’m just saying. Oop, here comes your flower boyyo. Ask him out goddamnit.” He knocks your shoulder before leaving to attend to his customer. You scrunch your face at Gavin and turned to smile at Nines, “Ready for the final piece?” “I’m ready if you are.” and there he goes, flashing that damned handsome smile of his. Your heart still beats out of your chest at that sight but it dampens alittle at the thought that you won’t be able to talk with him much anymore because he’s not obligated to be stuck with you and you’re pretty sure he doesn’t want to hang out with a dork like you. You sat him down at the chair and he hold out his hand for you, you went from lovesick dork to professional tattoo artist in a second when the tattoo gun is in your gloved hand.

The entire time you held his hand, you didn’t notice Nines took several pictures of you working on his hand tattoo and the fact that he had squeezed your hand to see if you noticed, which you didn’t. Instead of talking, both of you kept silent and the only sound coming from that area was the whirring of the tattoo machine and your fall out boy playlist playing softly on the speaker by the chair. By the time you’re done with his tattoo, you put down the tattoo gun and gently wipe the tattoo. That’s when you realize you held his hand for a very very long time. You wanted to pull your hand away but he clutched your hand in his. You turn up to him, blushing and he leans extremely close to you, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” he caught you off guard and it took you awhile to get your mouth to function instead of hanging uselessly open, you let out an awkward laugh instead. “Y-yeah sure! I mean yeah we could hang out, I’m not exactly a good date material. I mean have you seen me? Haha If you put a wet raccoon next to me I’m pretty sure you’ll me thinking the raccoon looks better than me-” he shut you up by kissing the corner of your lips. Your eyes widen a fraction and thank god you were sitting if not you’d be tumbling down on the floor by how much your knee shakes. Instead of you leading him to the front desk to settle his last tattoo payment, he pulled you up and both of you held hands the entire way to the front desk. He passed you the cash and leans towards you to plant a kiss on your cheek. “I’ll text you the details.” and with that he gave you a final wink and walked out of the store.

It took you a full 10 full minutes to come back to life and freak the fuck out.

Gavin is just snickering and happily collects 10bucks from Jason and Tina. “Told you they won’t make the first move.”

#detroit become human #dbh imagine #dbh rk900 #dbh rk900 x reader #hehehehehheheh finally i post something #wow i wrote #alright guys #as per usual #enjoi my shit #i leb u guys for reading this #kudos to those who read lmao

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paleorecipecookbook · 8 years ago

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The Best Workouts for New Moms

One of the most intense, hardcore, and majestic athletic events that half of us humans can ever participate in is pregnancy and childbirth. My wife Alice has been the builder of our three kids, and regardless of the preparation that you’ve done in the nine months leading up to the big event, you can never plan exactly for how game day is going to go.

Once that little bundle has entered your home and has turned your life upside down, most end up looking for some kind of normalcy. I’m here to suggest a few things a new mom can do to get moving once again after the big day, and the best workouts for new moms that are gentle yet effective.

But I’m going to start with a couple caveats right off the bat.

Before You Exercise

The first thing you need to do is check in with your OB before starting in on any kind of workout program, especially if you’ve been building a kid for the better part of the last year.

The second is that I KNOW that I’m a guy giving workout advice to new moms. This could get a little tricky. This post, however, will be more about making a few suggestions about what I’ve found working with my own new mom clients. I’m not going to claim to be the end-all expert on pregnancy because my lack of a uterus puts me at a major disadvantage before I begin. I must say, however, that I am as fascinated and awed by this process that we all originated from, as all modern men should be.

Body Changes During and After Pregnancy

So, with those two caveats out of the way, let’s mention a few of the body changes that happen during pregnancy, and how you may need to adjust your approach to movement after giving birth.

Of the many, many changes a woman’s body goes through while building a baby, one of the most interesting and important from a movement point of view is a hormone called “relaxin.” Relaxin does pretty much exactly what it sounds like: it relaxes. Among other things, it quite literally relaxes all the space in the pelvis so that passing that baby’s head through is “easier” on the mom.

While this is sweet, sweet news for a woman’s birth canal, this shifting of the supporting structure of the pelvis will change the way a woman’s body moves. This is often shows up as the “duck walk” that is seen in the later stages of pregnancy. This loosy goosy feeling that pregnancy brings on should be taken into consideration. Special care and awareness, as well as adequate healing time, are the best ways to ensure that moving forward as a new mom is also includes health and strong return to “normal” life (a little more chaotic kind of normal, for sure).

Walking

There is one movement that should be relatively accessible to most moms a week or two after the birth of the baby, and that’s walking. Millenia ago, our ancestors no doubt were on the move, even with births happening, and getting back up and walking with the baby was not only expected, but often necessary, to keep the tribe intact.

Strapping a baby on the body in some kind of wrap or even simply carrying a new little one for a stroll outside can feel wonderful. That sweet new stroller is just the thing to bust out and give a go in these types of moments. Get it out and get moving!

If you are fortunate enough to live in a place with the great outdoors nearby, take advantage of this time, and get out there in a relaxed way! Your new little one will love feeling the air. There are even some cultures who pride themselves in having their baby nap outside, even in the winter! The fresh air does the little one good and a walk outside will have benefits for the mom both physically and mentally.

There’s even reason to believe that a daily walk can add quality years to your life! (1) It’s no surprise to see many new moms out and about after things have settled with the arrival of a new one. Gentle walking is a great way to get back moving again, and it should be one of the first stops on the journey back to fitness.

In addition to walking, I’m going to go through a couple of static movements that I think are workable for new moms to get the muscles and body active again. A new mom should always be listening to her body and being smart about restarting her journey to her fitness. It may be slow at times, but it’s worth it!

Static Holds

Much of what we have to recommend has to do with holding positions in an isometric way. Things like the plank and wall sit are great ways to start recruiting your body to get back online. Actual full range of movement using things like squats are a great thing to look forward to, realizing that our old friend relaxin has, no doubt, changed the way a new mom will move for the rest of her life.

Tip: Having a stopwatch (or a stopwatch app on your phone) will be helpful to track progress for both the plank and wall sit.

The Plank

An important note about the plank: if you’ve had diastasis recti (where the abs separate during pregnancy), the plank is NOT recommended. Planks will actually further separate abs or prevent them from healing. If you aren’t sure if you’ve had diastasis issues, you can ask your OB to refer you to a physical therapist for evaluation.

The plank is an easy movement to incorporate into your new days as a mom. More than likely, a new mom is going to spend quite a bit of time gazing down at that new little life while they sleep, coo, or poo. Any time that little bundle is lying on their back is an opportunity to bring your body back online! While that little kiddo is on the ground, a mom can be planking above them. Having a baby smile back up at you is a great way to maintain motivation.

Here’s how to make the plank the best it can be:

The plank is traditionally done on the elbows, but we’ll be focused on maintaining the movement on the hands, with arms extended. Of course, you may choose either one, as they will both challenge you!

Get on your hands and knees, with your belly facing the floor and your back the ceiling, and place your hands directly underneath your shoulders in a crawling position. In a perfect world, your hands would be on the ground, palm down, with fingers splayed to provide for more area to brace against the ground. From here, simply shift from that crawling position of your knees up so that just your toes are touching the ground. It’s exactly as if you are in the top position of the push-up.

If you are using elbows instead, they should also be directly underneath the shoulders, with forearms braced against the ground so not all the pressure of the body is placed directly on the elbows.

Once in this top position, you’ll want to make sure that your torso is organized in the right way. The best way to make this happen is to squeeze your butt. For most of us, this will also cue the back and abs to be tighter as well. It’s actually very hard to have an overly swayed back while the glutes are tightened. What we’re hoping to do is to have you in a position where your skeleton is providing the structure, while your muscles take the weight and the work. If your back is too swayed, then it’s your bones (specifically your lower back) that is taking the weight of your body, and actually trying to do the work that your muscles could and should be doing. You will know this right away, since you’ll feel pressure and possibly even pain in the lower back. If this occurs for you, try to be more conscious about your lower back, and getting that glute to come in line and squeeze the butt.

Once you’ve got your hands or elbows placed, your shoulders cranked up, and your whole body braced, you’re ready to just…stay there! The challenge of the plank is that you can hold it for as long as you want. For most of us, holding it for two full minutes should be attainable within a month or two. If you’ve been away from your fitness for some time, though, don’t be surprised if you can only hold it for a few seconds! It’s okay! There’s no super magic to holding the plank for longer and longer, you just have to do it! And you have an opportunity to play with your baby as you do it. With your baby under you, you’ll be sure not to fall!

Three to four attempts at this throughout the day will find you getting stronger in no time!

vimeo

Plank(with Variation) from CrossFit 1440 on Vimeo.

The Wall Sit

You may remember the wall sit from those torturous junior high gym classes. We’re going to revisit that wonderous movement now! The greatest thing about this movement is that the only equipment it requires is a wall.

Start by standing with your back leaning on a wall. Keeping your back flat against the wall, slide down until your lap is flat, or parallel to the ground. Keeping your back flat against the wall, remain static in this position for as long as possible. Note your time when you finally have to stand up, so next time you can try to go a little bit longer!

A few pointers to try to make this a little less boring and active:

First, try shifting your strength from one leg to the other as you sit against the wall. This will allow one leg to take a bit of a break while the other is working.

Second, really try to feel where the pressure is in each foot. Often we’ll find that we can play pressing more through the heel, or the whole foot, instead of trying to simply driving our toes into the floor. Many times, without realizing it, you’ll be way up into your toes for this movement, and neglecting all the traction you could be getting by trying to drive your entire foot into the ground.

Third, try to keep your entire back against the wall. It’s very easy to start to lean forward, so that just your lower back and tailbone are against the wall, but try not to do this!

There are two primary ways to try to make this movement easier. The first is to brace the hands against the legs. This is actually quite natural and may happen automatically when you start to feel the burn in your legs. The other is to simply not go as “deep” into the position. Instead of having your upper legs be parallel to the ground, just sink down to about forty-five degrees or so and hold yourself there. Of course, you should always be striving to go a bit deeper, but it’s better to start and work towards something than to not start or try at all!

Three to four sets of this movement will get your legs active again!

vimeo

Wall Sit from CrossFit 1440 on Vimeo.

Glute Bridges

Another movement that combines both a static hold plus a little range of motion is the glute bridge. This movement, as you can tell from it’s name, will activate the biggest muscle in your body, the glutes. In doing so, it will provide support to your pelvis, where much of the shifting of a mom’s new body has occurred, as well as the lower back. So it’s not just about being perky, it’s about helping you move, too!

While being a bit of a “Jane Fonda” style movement (it always reminds me of those great workout videos from back in the 80’s!), this glute bridge provides the best opportunity for glute activation.

You’ll start lying on your back. Raising your knees to the sky, draw your feet up until they are six to eight inches away from your butt. They should maintain a width about the same as your shoulders, not too narrow, but not too wide as well.

From this position, notice that there is a little gap in between the lower back and the floor, you may even be able to slide your hands under your lower back and the ground. For better activation of the glute, try to shift your hips a bit and flatten out the lower back. You can also think of this, on the front side, as bringing the front of your pelvis and the front of your ribcage closer together.

With your lower back now firmly planted, drive your feet into the ground, and your hips as high as they will go up towards the sky. As you approach the top position of this movement, you’ll be at a “downhill” angle; all that will be touching the ground is your feet and your upper back near your neck. Once you’ve reached this top position, squeeze your glutes hard before descending back down to where your butt once again makes contact with the ground.

Most of us naturally let our arms fall to the side for this movement. As you get stronger in this movement, you may find a welcome challenge by putting a little weight (like a back pack) on the front of your pelvis as you go through the movement. Yes, this movement can look odd if someone walks in on you in the middle of it. If you are lucky enough to have this happen, maintaining a determined stare at the other person will be sure to make it as awkward for them as possible.

Performing three to four sets of 10-20 reps should have you feeling results.

vimeo

Glute Bridge from CrossFit 1440 on Vimeo.

In Conclusion

These are only a few suggestions of ways to get you back moving after starting, or continuing, your journey as a mom. It is important to rest after giving birth. A woman’s body goes through major, major changes during those hours or days.

But when the timing is right, gently getting back into your body can feel wonderfully empowering. Listening to your body about when to start moving and doing light exercise after the birth of a child is paramount to making sure that you move forward in the healthiest way possible.

Here’s to entering the fit mom club!

The post The Best Workouts for New Moms appeared first on Paleo Plan.

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taylorb94-blog1 · 8 years ago

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medical mystery

so one reason i wanted to start a blog was to vent and write out about the medical mystery thats going on with me right now. so here is the deal, pain we all experience it, physical or emotional. but, both at the same time is just unfair.

it all started two years ago, normal night sitting at home and then it started, the pain. lower abdomen, upper pelvis, whatever the medical professionals like to call it. basically us ladies know it as the area around the ovaries. i know what you are thinking and no these were not cramp x.x. thanks to the depo shot i haven’t had a period or cramps in what feels like forever. yes, i know “tmi” well you started reading and the natural human curiosity is making you keep reading.

so pain started, first kind of annoying but as the night went on, it got more and more intense. doubled over, screaming, crying, worst pain of my life. so my mom rushes me to the er, 5 hours, poked with needles and peeing in cups later, doctor says bladder infection. he convenced me that, thats all it was, shot me up with some toroidal and anti-biotics and sent me on my way.

few nights later, same thing. this story is funny just wait. so since i was just there and showing the same signs, more poking for blood and they wheel me off to do a ct. now we (my mom and i ) are waiting, and waiting, and waiting...... finally doctor peaks his head in the curtain and the first thing out his mouth,” have you been swallowing coins?”, as you could imagine i had the most angry and confused look on my face. only thing i could think to say was “ DO I LOOK LIKE A 3 YEAR OLD LEFT ALONE WITH CHANGE?!?!?” don’t get me wrong in todays day in age with munchhousins and crazy people i get now that it was a valid question, but at the time i was just upset.so the diagnosis that night was “foreign objects in the cologne” yea try to go to work and explain that to your boss. with out mentioning names, i had a mole in the hospital who may have looked at my file for me. the ct tec. said the objects were “ undissolved food or pills”.... so my “coins” was my dinner. cant roll my eyes hard enough.

fast forward grand total of 6 E.R. visits. yes i know a lot but hey i needed answers. there were nights i laid in my bed just thinking to myself that a butter knife to the abdomen would give me some relief. why a butter knife? just think of how pissed off you have to be to make damage with a butter knife..... scary right? now we move on to the ob/gyn two different doctors, 4 different ultrasounds later. nothing , and everything passed though our minds,( cancer, cysts, endometriosis, ect. even telling myself if its the worst, “ hey i can always adopt”) but everything came back normal.

then one doctor had the magical idea that he pulled out of his butt “hernia”. and if you are like me with all this medical mystery, google has become your best friend. a hernia occurs when you put strain on your body with heavy lifting and what not, producing a lump or bulge. i could be sitting down doing nothing and this pain starts, (hell its hurting now and i’m laying in bed typing this.) but i went with it, and talked to a surgeon. fast forward to another ct scan. this time with the contrast, both oral and though iv. if you have ever tasted that stuff, omg it was horrible and then to “make it taste better” they added raspberry flavoring. yea that tasted like a raspberry’s asshole. But i pinched my nose and gulped as much as i could at a time. thinking to myself “do this now and we get answers later.” 3/4 of a liter everything that went down tried to come back up. and as i sat in that waiting room i held back tears, because yes, there were more people in there with me. all waiting to do cts, lucky some not having to drink the horrible drink. but i couldn't help but think to myself, they all know what they are looking for. cuz of course i was eves dropping on conversations, but one cute guy was there for kidney stones, one was looking for something else i forgot, but when they asked me, all i could say was Idk and try not to cry. yes everyone was there for a bad reason but they all had something more then me. a piece of mind, a diagnosis, a plan. i had nothing but a gut full of nasty drink and theory.

ct results come back, i sit in the doctors office hopeful that we have an answer, that we can make a plan, that i can finally start to feel better.

my world came crashing down the second she walked in the door. i could see it all over her face, then she spoke,”honey i’m sorry but we don’t see anything on the ct,” i cried beyond control, ugly crying face and all.

side note, i am not a thin woman. yes i am plus size and “over weight” and due to this sickness i haven’t been able to work out and lose weight. but after crying my eyes out so frustrated to the point i was begging for exploratory surgery. the surgeon looked at me and said “maybe if you lose some weight.” .... ok now im pissed. “NAME ONE FAT PERSON WHO HAS THIS PROBLEM” yes i need to lose weight, but don’t make that the dumb answer to this situation.

needless to say here we are, still in pain, changed diet, gone gluten free and all that fun stuff and yes i have lost some weight. Has any pain subsided? hell no.

the pain had escalated to where i could not walk. so my mom took me to the emergency room again. (against my wishes) and i told the doctor on call” i was not leaving with out some kind of answer and stronger medication then what ive been given (cuz lets face it, no i don’t want hard core pills but the aspirin they have been giving me was not worth the kidney damage it was doing, it did not put a dent in the pain.) i laid on that bed crying, to the point i couldn't speak, and as me and my mother told her the adventures of the past two years. for the first time i left she was actually listening, that she didn't want to rush me out of there but actually give me an answer,especially when i said the magic words “please cut me open, ill do the exploratory surgery”, of course she didn't have one, but her theory goes right back to ovaries, something called interstitial cystitis.

so we are back to square one, thinking its my ovaries but at least now i have a stronger theory, yes the pain is horrendous, the doctor visits seem tedious, and you start to question your sanity when the doctor tells you that nothing is wrong or they cant find anything. but its your piece of mind that you must hold on to.

at the end of this, i hope people will say, “ she was a Warrior.”

i plan to keep you all updated as i continue my mystery medical journey. and i hope you are an entertained with my tails.

this is my story, i don’t regret posting it.

#pain #medical #mystery #laugh at my suffering #laugh with me #warrior

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joshuabradleyn · 8 years ago

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The Mystery of Squat Form: How Low Should You Go, Really?

You know that you should squat. Everyone—and every fitness magazine and website, ever—tells you that. And with good reason. Sitting down and standing up is one of the most basic movements in life. And from a training perspective, just about everything from your fingertips down to your toes works has to work hard to make a squat happen. That’s a recipe for building full-body strength with just one move. But it’s usefulness is not the problem. Where the debate begins (and never seems to end) is proper squat form.

No one is going to give you an extra million dollars for squatting deeper.

In fact, trying to follow those how-tos might be why your squat form doesn’t feel quite right—or perhaps why squats feel painful. Which, of course, is the reason why you are so often tempted to skip this move in your workout, even though you know you should do it.

Making matters worse, the more that you read up on squat form, the more likely you are to find conflicting information. Talking about squats is a lot like talking about politics: Everyone has an opinion on what works and what doesn’t—and chances are, they’re passionate about it. Especially when it comes to squat depth.

On one side you have the purists. These are the guys who’ll tell you that you must squat “ass-to-grass.” At the opposite end of the spectrum, are the overly cautious types who worry that squatting too low will damage your knees (it won’t, by the way). And there are plenty of others who will advocate for stopping at seemingly every other point in between—thighs parallel to the ground, or just below it, or well above it (known as quarter squats), and on and on.

So, who’s right?

[dramatic pause]

The Squat Rules: Before you Begin…

Remember all of those opinions? Technically, none of them are incorrect.

“There’s no one right way to squat—and there’s no one wrong way, either,” says Dean Somerset, C.S.C.S., an exercise physiologist in Edmonton, Alberta Canada. “It’s all about finding what works for your body.”

Before you consider that a non-answer, understanding the meaning of “what works for your body” can completely change your entire approach to training, your squat form, and lead to fewer injuries.

Just as everyone’s body is different, everyone’s squat is different. What’s right for you depends on your goals, strength, and level of mobility, which are things you can influence. But not everything that determines how well you squat is within your control.

Your body’s bone structure will affect how you move too. Because of all that, many of the standard squat cues you hear about where your feet should be or what direction they should point may not actually work for you. (But don’t worry, we’ll show you what will.)

The bottom line: Forget the politics. Forget all the “one-size-fits all” opinions. There are a lot of ways you can go about fixing squats when they hurt. In this article we’re going to set aside the dogma and focus on what matters most: Helping you find the right range of motion for your body, so you can get this most out of the squat—a powerful muscle-building exercise and essential human movement.

Keep those two roles in mind as you read. It’s important to remember that how low you can squat, and how low you should squat with a barbell on your back are two different things.

The Deep Squat: Great for Movement (But Not Necessarily Lifting)

The ATG fans are right about one thing: Being able to execute a full deep squat is a good thing. Doing the move requires a full range of motion at all four of the body’s major load-bearing joints (the ankles, knees, hips and shoulders) and proper mobility throughout the spine. Those joints, your muscles, and your brain all have to work together to achieve this position:

That demonstration comes from Georges Dagher, C.S.C.S, a chiropractor and strength coach based in Toronto. He likens the deep squat to brushing your teeth. “From my perspective, the deep squat movement is a toothbrush for our joints, ensuring they are all moving without any sticky or restricted areas,” Dagher writes in the Journal of Evolution and Health. Just as you brush your teeth every day, Dagher suggests performing at least one bodyweight squat per day, as deep as you can.

If you look at the photo above and think “no way,” don’t stress. Lots of people have strength or mobility issues that can make achieving a deep squat challenging—at least at first. The good news? By simply working on your deep bodyweight squat form, going as deep as you can with control and holding as long as you feel reasonably comfortable, you’ll help address and improve those issues.

“The positions we place our bodies in will have an effect on various elements such as muscles, which can improve our comfort in the squat,” Dagher says.

You can also get more comfortable by adjusting your stance. Somerset explains that the standard squatting position— “stand with your feet shoulder-width apart…” —doesn’t apply to everyone. It’s more of a general recommendation or an average, he says, not a hard-and-fast rule.

To help his clients reach a deeper, pain-free squat, Somerset has them experiment with different stances until they find one that feels right.

“Think of it like going to the optometrist, when they put the lens in front of your eyes and ask which one is better,” Somerset says. “There’s no one standard prescription. It’s about finding the right one for you.”

Here are the two main elements Somerset asks clients to adjust when they dial in their stances for ideal squat form:

Direction of your toes: Try them pointing straight ahead first. Let’s call that 12 o’clock. Squat as deep as you can. Now turn your feet outward slightly – think left foot pointing at 11 o’clock, right foot pointing at 1. Try the deep squat again. Now angle them even farther outward, to 10 and 2. Squat again. Notice which position feels the most natural and allows you to sink the deepest.

Width of your feet: Start with them set shoulder-width apart. Then, gradually try wider distances, giving each the bodyweight squat test and noticing which feels the most natural. One thing to note: The wider your stance is, the more the exercise will emphasize your glutes (the muscles in your butt), and the less work it’ll put on the quads (muscles of your upper leg around the knee).

Here’s more good news: Even if your range of motion is limited, you probably squat more throughout the day than you think. “Most of us can squat to at least a 90-degree angle,” says Dagher. “We do that every day, every time we climb into our car or get up from a chair.”

Each of those moments is an opportunity to practice lowering yourself into a 90-degree squat with control. Think of them as box squats you do throughout the day; don’t just plop onto the cushion, says Dagher. Doing this throughout the day can shore up your stability and make you a better squatter in the future.

Why Your Body Doesn’t Feel Built for Deep Heavy Squats — And What You Should Do About It

Bodyweight squats are one thing, says Dagher, who says that, with the right adjustments, pretty much everyone can go into a deep squat. But Somerset points out that weighted squats are a different story: “For some people, their squats fall apart under a certain amount of loading,” he says.

You see, even if you’ve maxed out your mobility in your joints, when it comes to doing weighted squats, you may not be as comfortable—or as powerful—at the deeper end of the squat as you’d like, says Dagher. Why? It comes down to simple genetics. Some people are built with better squatting hips than others.

Quick anatomy lesson: The place where the femur (the big bone in your thigh) meets your hip, called the hip socket, looks something like a spoon going into a bowl. The top of the femur (called the femoral head) neatly fits into the pelvic socket (acetabulum), and is held in place by ligaments.

Everyone’s hip sockets are different. Some of them are deeper than others. The deeper your socket, the harder it will be for you to squat, since the femur bone will hit the pelvic bone. To go back to our “spoon in bowl” analogy, the stem of the spoon (your femur) runs into the rim of the bowl (your pelvis).

People of Scottish and French heritage typically have deeper hips, according to world-renowned spine expert Stuart McGill. Meanwhile, people from the Ukraine, Poland, and Bulgaria tend to have shallower sockets that allow them to painlessly sink into the deep part of the squat. McGill says it’s no coincidence that Eastern Europe is home to some of the best Olympic lifters in the world.

A deep hip socket has different advantages. It’s helpful for walking and standing and great at producing rotational power (the type of force you need to hit a baseball or swing a golf club). And having deeper hip sockets doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t squat deep. But it does mean you’ll have to work harder on the move—and may feel pain when you perform it.

Meet “The Squat Form Test” [No Assembly — or Equipment — Required]

There’s a simple way to gauge the depth of your hip sockets. Simply get onto your hands and knees in an all-fours position, engage your core, and slowly rock your hips back toward your heels. You can see Dr. McGill explain how to do the move at the 2:50 mark of this video (although the entire clip is worth a watch if you have the time).

While it’d be great if you too could do the move under the guidance of the world’s leading researcher on spinal health and performance, you can do this assessment on your own. Simply set up your smartphone to your side, hit record, and do the move.

As your hips lower, you may reach a point where your lower back starts to round. The technical term for that is “spinal flexion.” When it happens while you’re squatting with a barbell on your back, the position is known by the delightful name “buttwink.”

Fun as that word may be to say out loud, buttwink while squatting under load can be bad news. “That’s when your hips stop moving and your start compensating with your back instead,” says Dagher. Disc injuries or even fractures of the spine can result.

So How Deep Should You Squat?

The buttwink is why you should not view the weighted ass-to-grass squat as something you need to aspire to.

As McGill says, a lot of great ATG squatters “chose their parents wisely.”

“The extreme amount that I see people deep squatting is just unprecedented,” McGill says. “The risk is greater than is justified by the reward. No one is going to give you an extra million dollars for squatting deeper. If you need to do that for competition, then that’s one thing. But if your objective is health, then it’s pretty hard to justify.”

The same isn’t true for deep bodyweight squats, however. “Buttwink here is not an issue,” Dagher says. Go ahead and wink away when you’re working the deep squat without weight with the goal of improving your mobility and comfort in the squat.

But where your back begins to go into flexion when you’re doing the all-fours test, that’s where you’d want your descent to stop if you were performing weighted back squat. If that means you can only squat as low as a box, no problem.

If the box isn’t high enough, you can take a cue from Jim Smith, C.P.P.S, and stack mats on top of the box until you reach the right height. As your mobility and ability to squat lower improve over time, you can pull mats off the pile. No matter what height you reach, Somerset says your main objective should be one thing: control.

A deep range of motion isn’t meant for everyone, so don’t overthink your squat form. In fact, for many people, trying to reach more depth can be counterproductive–or even dangerous. And for no reason. Less depth doesn’t mean less strength or muscle. But, it also doesn’t mean creating such a short range of motion (like moving 2 inches, so it looks like you’re bouncing up and down) that you’re not creating tension in the muscles, challenging your body, or doing the exercise in a controlled manner. That’s just called cheating.

“Keeping the squat controlled is more important than the depth or the amount of weight being used,” says Somerset.

Hit the height that’s right for you, with the stance that’s right for you, using a weight that you can manage. And then work the deep bodyweight squat. You’ll soon find that you’ll improve your squat form, will move better, and you will become a lot stronger, too.

The post The Mystery of Squat Form: How Low Should You Go, Really? appeared first on Born Fitness.

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albertcaldwellne · 8 years ago