#The first one is a real memory with my ex bf and the second one is about to become a memory with a friend im meeting in DC this weekend

[iloveschiaparelli]

If you go with me to a museum be forewarned I only have 2 states of being:

[plmp0]

The Sex Love House PT 3

Summary: Welcome to the love house where a lot of stories will infold, 7 participants will have a chance to live together in the same house for a mounth while still doing their normal activities, will they find real love in this short period? Or at least this is what ur friend want u to believe. Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: a very manipulative!jay, manipulative!sunghoon, manipulative!heeseung, ex!bf!Jake, everyone is a perv in this house, reader is clueless, shameless reader, kinda stalker reader, Siyeon (from dreamcatcher) is also part of this, this is a pure filth, explicit content.

Smut warning: hand!job, oral (f), cum eating, desperate Jake, kind of subby!jake, p in v, unprotected sex (cause it's fiction), overstimulation, a lot of teasing, i think that's it

A/N: This part was supposed to go out a long time ago but i forgot to save it and i had to re-write it again so it's not as good cause i got annoyed sorry. Also this is not proof read so there might be some mistakes and typos so yeah

It's the week-end Jake woke up today going straight to ur room knocking on ur door before entering, u were still in ur shower robe hands blow drying ur hair as he looked at u through the mirror "oh hi i was going to talk to u after i finish, we didn't get a chance to yesterday" u said upon brushing ur hair.

He noded his head eyes scanning u, u got more beautiful since the last time he saw u, he's ngl he forgot about u at some point but he just woke up one day having u running through his head, what could u be doing now? Did u get taller? Did u let ur hair grow? How many relationships have u been through? He had these small thoughts about u, but everytime his heart tries to soften to u, the memory of ur ghosting and its side effects come back to him, it was like a trauma for him, getting in the way of every relationship he tried to be in, always having doubts about the other part, not able to trust her fully, he really has abandonement issues now.

"There is no need to bring back what happened in the past" u said getting him out of his thoughts, u turned off the blowdryer approaching him eyes softening now that he is close to u, ur guilt kicking in immediatly "m so sorry for what i did, i know nothing can excuse what i did but i wasn't mature enough" u said holding his hand in urs, he cleared his throat avoiding looking at u, pulling out his hand gentely and that was enough for u to know that he didn't forget u.

U sighed feeling bad but deciding to brush off the topic "so tell me, what r u doing now?" U asked hoping to get rid of the awkwardness noting how he didn't let a word out.

He smiled shrugging "i took over my dad's work"

U smiled back remembering how sweet his dad used to be and how good he treated u "i hope he is doing fine"

"He is" was all he replied with, taking a seat on ur bed "ahh right! Do u want something?" U asked after runing out of ideas to lighten the mood, he sighed hands massaging his forhead "i just wanted to ask if u have some pain relievers"

"Ohhh? Ur head hurts?" U asked hands busy searching in ur drawer for the said pills, taking it out and handing it to him "here" he took it from u thanking u and putting it in his pocket .

U sat on ur chair facing him now forgetting that u r still in ur robe that is about to open in any second now, ur hair isn't fully dry u look so... so tempting Jake's eyes can't help but stare at u head empty only u running through it.

"U don't want the guys to know that we were together?" U asked after talking for sometime now without getting a reply from him.

He cleared his throat again " ah idk i didn't know if u'd like them to find out so i chose to not say anything" he shrugged, u smiled at him he is still considerate as always "i don't really mind but since we didn't talk about it the first time let's just keep it between us"

He smiled back wanting to stay with u longer, seeing u now in front of him again brought back his old feelings towards u.

U heard ur phone ring on the table behind u "excuse me" u let out softly turning back and stretching to get it without standing from ur seat, exposing ur bare thighs and a faint sight of ur blue panties to Jake whose eyes were boring into u tongue darting on his lower lip , he gulped hands sweating and itching to feel ur soft skin, u smiled at ur succeed attempt to get ur phone seating properly now and answering ur call, Jake's eyes didn't leave u even for a second scanning the way u pout whenever something is not pleasing u, the way u roll the end of ur hair listening to what's been said on the other line, lips smiling from time to time flashing ur white teeth, everything about u was beautiful and he miss having u for himself.

U made eye contact with him in the middle of the call mouthing a sorry, Jake only smiling at u as he waited for ur call to end (but wishing it to take longer so he can drink in ur beautiful features more).

U ended the call that was from one of ur co-workers asking u about some file u wondering why tf they want that in the week end, u sighed looking at Jake noting the way he is looking at u.

"That took longer than i expected sorry"

He didn't budge even when u waved ur hand in front of him, only waking up when he heard ur soft voice calling his name and he almost let a sound out from that "are u okay? U r spacing out a lot" u asked concerned, eyes looking at the way his adam apple boped down before hearing him gulp loudly.

He shakes his head like he was in some sort of trance head dizzy as he inhaled u r fresh smell now that u approached him " m fine dw" u sat next to him, resting ur back on the wall and he followed ur movement head titling to face u " u r still as beautiful as u were" he let out making u blush a little bit as u give him a thank u chewing on ur lips fingers playing with the hem of ur robe.

He massaged his shoulders letting out a small groan and u turned to look at him he really look so tired "do u want me to give u a massage it's gonna help u relax a little bit" u said.

And he stayed still for a minute thinking about ur offer before noding in agreement, u stood up going to take an oil u use whenever u wanna relax "come on lay down" u rushed him and he did "i think it'd be better if u remove ur shirt" u said as he removed it and tossed it somewhere on the bed, u straddled his back he pressed his face on the matress upon feeling ur weight on top of him, his body shivering when the cold oil met his skin ur hands following after, massaging his nerves skilfully, he shut his eyes his body relaxing while releasing soft groans every now and then.

U were so good with ur hands he almost fell asleep if it wasn't for the unintentional scrach he felt on his back, u just continued working ur magic ignoring the way his body squirmed, u smirked a little bit knowing exactly how he liked that, u kept digging ur nails on his skin saying a sorry with a fake pout whenever u do so.

He could feel his muscles tensing up again, his forehead now resting on his hands teeth biting his lower lip not wanting to let a sound out, but it was impossible at this point especially when u brushed ur fingers faintly over his soft spot, u knew his body so well doing the most to get a reaction out of him, ur competitive side kicking out until a moan skipped his lips making u stop ur movements immediately "ohhh?" U said mockingly leaning forward until ur lips met his ears "u r still the same Jakey" he whimpered his hips humping the mattress shamelessly making u chuckle "what are u doing?" U asked faking a confused tone as u moved from his body standing in front of him. Jake titled his head looking at u confusion written all over his face, u cocked an eyebrow at him as he didn't stop his movements his eyes boring into ur body that was all exposed for him at this point, the robe not doing any job at hiding ur skin, the small curls at the end of ur hair still wet arms crossed waiting for him to speak but he didn't, u sighed clenching ur jaw slightly leaning forward lifting his chin with ur index finger "where r u looking? My face is here" u exclaimed wanting to get something out of him but his eyes are fixed on ur lips, u dart ur tongue on them watching how his own mouth is open almost drooling at the sight of you. Jake has always been like that, everything u did used to turn him on, and it looks like nothing changed.

U chuckled softely kneeling on the floor so u can face him blinking slowely as u caressed his cheeks titling ur head and getting closer to him until ur noses touched u were planing to tease him a little bit more but he rushed kissing u like he was starving for years, his lips moving so fast tongue rolling around urs u let go of his cheeks one hand now around his neck while the other one is searching for his hair tugging slightly as he moans in the kiss.

U left his mouth panting for some air, u looked his way and u can't help the heat that went to ur cheeks when u saw him, he looked so fucked out just from a kiss coming closer to kiss u again "so eager" u thought

U kissed him again his hands holding onto ur thighs, Jake now sitting properly without breaking the kiss making u also stand and straddle his lap, u started rolling ur hips slowly his hands following your pace, his thumbs tracing circles on ur inner thighs, ur hand going from his hair to his neck applying a small pressure and he groaned in the kiss.

"Shhh" u warned him and he whined in return making u smile in the kiss as ur hands traveled to his pants, unbuttoning them and sliding them down his knees along with his boxers, he let a deep breath out his body tensing up as he waited for u to touch him, the anticipation killing him.

"Please" he managed to mutter out his dick twitching in the cold air as his head tilted backwards and a sigh left his lips when u wrapped ur hand around his cock.

Ur thumb pressed on his slit collecting the precum that is oozing from it and spreading it along his length, his grip on ur thighs tighten as his body shakes under ur touch, he moaned in the kiss the need of breathing making him part his lips slightly, his moans were so loud despite him trying to stay silent his eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

His hips started moving up to meet ur strokes as his moans increased in volume, u felt him getting close, ur thumb now pressing on his slit again teasing him by stroking the base and going to the top before repeating the same process.

"Baby" he moaned against ur lips as his hips buckled upwards his stomach and chest rising, his hands are gripping ur thighs tightly, his nails digging in ur flesh, his toes curling as his mouth parted in a silent scream the only thing coming out of his mouth was a gasp as his eyes rolled back.

His dick twitched a few times his cum landing on ur robe and his chest, ur eyes were scanning the view, his head was still resting on the bed his eyes closed, his whole body shaking still feeling the waves of his orgasm, he was so sexy like this, and u can't deny that the thought of him getting off just from u stroking him made u so turned on, u were sure that your panties were soaked wet.

He was catching his breath when he felt u getting off his lap, he opened his eyes, his chest moving up and down, his dick still twitching as he saw the mess he made.

"Fuck y/n im sorry" he said trying to grab a tissue but his body was numb and his mind hazy.

U didn't pay him any attention going straight to ur closet pretending to get another robe and discarding the dirty one on the ground.

Jake was looking at u his dick already hardening again his eyes were roaming over ur body his gaze fixated on the curve of ur ass and the way the blue panties hugged ur thighs.

He wanted to eat u alive, he wanted to make u cry out his name, he wanted to fuck u, and u wanted the same, his dick was pulsating against his stomach, and all his senses were focused on u.

U felt his stare, turning back to face him a smirk forming on ur lips as u took a step forward and his hands were instantly on ur waist pulling u down on his lap, he attacked ur neck kissing, biting and sucking on it, he didn't want to leave a mark so he didn't suck for a long time, he went lower until his teeth bit ur collar bone his hands pulling down the new robe as his lips met the top of ur breast leaving kisses and licks.

"Oh" a sigh escaped ur mouth as u tilted ur head backwards, his right hand went down cupping ur clothed pussy while his left hand held onto ur waist for support.

He started moving his fingers, drawing circles on ur clothed clit, he didn't stop the movement of his mouth on ur breast as u started grinding against his hand. Jake was like a starving man, his touches so earger, his actions desperate.

U held onto his shoulders for support as he pushed u back laying on the matress, his body covering ur smaller frame as he started sucking on ur right breast his hand moving away the panties and entering two fingers inside ur pussy making you arch ur back as a gasp left ur lips.

His fingers were hitting the right spot and he went to kiss you again, his mouth making it hard to breathe, the pleasure was too much, ur eyes were watering, and his dick was rubbing against ur thigh, Jake broke the kiss panting like a dog delivering kisses on you stomach as his thumb was circling your clit, u were so sensitive his every move was sending shivers down ur spine, he was so focused on pleasing you, and it wasn't hard for him to get the job done, it's like he has been dreaming about this for a long time, he was now on a face level with your pussy he groaned biting his lips before replacing his thumb with his tongue, a scream slipped your lips and your back arched high in the air, his grip on ur waist was bruising, he didn't want to let go.

He hummed upon tasting you his eyes closed tongue going wild making it hard for you to contain ur moans and u were sure by now that if Heeseung was in his room he 100% have heard you, his room next to urs and that just added to ur heat making u go crazy, you were close by now already worked out just from earlier, Jake's finger went deeper making you let out a cry hands tugging at his hair and he moaned upon that "Cum for me" he mumbled against your pussy, the vibrations of his voice enough to make u reach your peak.

You cried out his name legs shaking uncontrollably, head dizzy, and chest heaving, and Jake didn't stop licking on ur clit not even giving u time to calm down and recover from ur first orgasm, "No-omg" your hands went to pull him away but instead you found them back on his hair pushing his face closer, his tongue was so skilled and u can feel yourself getting close again letting out small cries , the feeling of his tongue was so amazing and u can feel your whole body burning up, it didn't take long before u came again squirting on his face this time.

Jake pulled away his lips wet, face glistening with your juices, his eyes dark, "That's so fucking hot" he muttered licking his lips and wiping his face with his hands, he was looking at you hungrily, his cock red and dripping with precum, you wanted him inside you.

"C'mon here" u said pulling him closer for a sloppy kiss tasting yourself on his tongue as you started moving your hips, both of you were a moaning mess, the need to be close was so strong.

"Jake" u moaned against his lips and he hummed eyes still closed "fuck me" you said and his eyes shot open his mouth hanging open his breath got caught in his throat, and u smiled at him softly you were always a fan of his reactions always acting like he hasn't heard these words before as if it's his first time and you were sure that he was now going crazy, ur words made him feel like his heart is about to explode.

He didn't hesitate to get between your legs, his dick rubbing against ur wet folds as his mouth went to suck on your neck, your hands went to his back leaving red scratch marks as his tip was pressing on your hole, the need to enter was strong his eyes scanning your expressions as he entered you, a satisfied sigh escaped both of you lips, you were so warm and wet around him he didn't have any energy to start slow, his thrusts were hard and rough his hands holding onto the sheets as his hips met yours with a slap, the air was filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping, the bed creaked underneath you and you could hear it hitting the wall, it's not a surprise if u end up with a hole in the wall, and he was going so fast he didn't give you a chance to adjust his cock hitting the right spots, "fuckk you feel so good Damn" he groaned his hips moving by themselves his head dropped enjoying the way you feel around him, your hands went to his back pulling him closer wanting to feel him deeper, his chest was now touching yours, his skin was so hot and he was sweating a lot, you can see his veins popping his mouth hanging open as his forehead was touching yours, his thrusts becoming more aggressive and it was hard to catch your breath, you can feel yourself getting close for the third time tonight your stomach twisting and your eyes rolling to the back of your head, Jake's hand moved away from the sheets gripping the headboard as he was slamming into you loving how you moan his name, he was close, so close, his dick twitched inside of you.

He was so lost in pleasure he had other plans for you but he forgot about everything focusing only on the delicious feeling of you he swear he hasn't felt this good since being with you, he doesn't know why but u just enjoys it more when it's you, his thrusts were now unrhythmic moaning as his hands went to the pillow and you let out a surprised yelp when his other hand grabbed a fistful of your hair pushing your head back loving how you look for this angle ,his cock was throbbing and pulsating inside you the knot in your stomach was so tight and you could feel yourself reaching your peak, Jake was grunting his eyes shut curses leaving his lips "fuckk fuck fuck" and you could feel the tears building up so sensitive from the previous releases and it was a matter of time before both of you came at the same time, he pulled out after spilling his seeds all over your stomach.

He let go of your hair and collapsed on the bed next to you, both of you were panting your minds were blank and the air was still thick, the room smelled of sex, Jake's hair was sticking to his forehead, his chest was moving up and down, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing. You were laying there trying to come back from the high, you looked at Jake his eyes closed, his face still sweaty and red, your eyes moved lower, his chest and stomach are covered with his own cum and he didn't seem to mind.

You chuckled "what?" He asked eyes opening to look at you.

"Look at the mess" you said pointing at his stomach, he sat up a little bit checking it out wanting to say something but he stopped after seeing you crawling, ur hands dropping his body back as u leaned down collecting all the cum that was on his body licking it up making sure to leave no trace behind Jake had to slap himself to see if he was dreaming, his eyes were bulging and his mouth was dry 'fuck you are so sexy y/n" it was too much, too many feelings all at once, it was hard to control the heat pooling in his groin and he can feel himself getting hard again, he let a deep breath out when you stopped to show him the cum u collected before swallowing it.

"Fuck so dirty" he said pulling you for a heated kiss, your tongue battling his for dominance, he was already hard again his body was aching for u and u couldn't help but rub your pussy against his shaft.

"Please" he begged, and as much as u wanted him you were sure that your body can't take anymore, already sore from yesterday and the events that took place minutes ago.

"Next time Jakey" u said pecking his lips and he whined, his hands went down to rub your pussy and u let him, u were sure that you can't do it but a few moments later u were bouncing on his cock again.

-

You sighed after what happened Jake stayed with your for a bit helping you move to the shower wanting to help but u stopped him wanting to relax for few minutes and have an alone time and he nodded pecking ur forehead and leaving. You took longer than intended cleaning your body lazily, you went out expecting to find a mess in ur room, ur robe thrown on the ground along with ur panties and the sheets wrinkled but instead everything was neat your clothes on the basket another sheets on the bed and that alone made your day.

Jake was sweet and caring as always and ur heart ached with guilt, ur mind was still in shock from everything but you didn't have the energy to spend a long time thinking, you dressed up wearing a long blue dress with a small slit on your left leg, drying your hair only with a towel putting on some perfume and walking out. U heard some noises on the living room and u followed finding everyone except from Jake and Siyeon sitting on the table having breakfast

Jay's eyes followed your every move his jaw almost dropping, the sight of your thighs driving him insane and it was so unfair, "wow y/n u look so beautiful" Heeseung said devouring you with his eyes and Joy nodded her head while Sunghoon didn't say a thing his eyes scanning u head to toe while stuffing his mouth with food, Joy pulled the chair next to her patting it for you "come on". She is such a sweetheart and u can't help the smile forming on your lips, you took the seat sitting now between her and Sunghoon and across from Heeseung and Jay, a small groan slipping Jay's lips when he saw u sitting so close to Hoon, his eyes were dark remembering yesterday's night but he wanted to take care of you today not liking how he let u go without helping. He grabbed ur plate putting a big amount of various food and handing it to u making u chuckle "i don't think m gonna be able to finish this but thank u" u said softly making him smile as well "enjoy, u need to regain ur energy".

Joy and Heeseung were talking about something but u can't pay attention u didn't realize how much hungry u re until u had ur first bite of food. "I thought u were going out this morning" Heeseung asked eyes not leaving ur face wondering what kind of excuse u'll make after he woke up to ur moans and you could feel ur cheeks heating up remembering the events that took place just few hours ago, u cleared ur throat shaking ur head "i changed my mind" u replied trying to avoid eye contact and laughing awkwardly afterwards, Heeseung grinned nodding his head pretending to believe u "Ahhh i see" he said. Joy's eyes roamed on the table "Where is Siyeon?" she asked particularly no one and Jay answered "She still have things to do at her house but she'll be back this afternoon"

"Where is Jake?" Sunghoon asked after a while and Jay was the one to answer him again "He left few minutes they called him from work"

U nodded, it was obvious that he didn't want anyone to find out, "How did u sleep last night?" Heeseung asked u and Jay chocked on his drink while you almost spit your food, Sunghoon who was taking a sip of his tea was now coughing loudly, Joy turned to look at him her eyebrows raised "are u ok?" She asked and he gave her a thumbs up eyes watering, Heeseung was laughing at the reaction of everyone his eyes meeting with yours and you could feel the heat on ur cheeks. "Oh my god u look like a tomato" he commented still laughing and u kicked his leg with ur feet under the table so embarrassed wishing that a black hole could swallow u and take u away from this place.

Sunghoon was now smirking loving to see u in that state remembering meeting with you yesterday when u were about to head to ur room after getting out of Jay's room sweating, face flushed and lips swollen ur robe closed messily and ur hair was in a very terrible state, u stopped at ur steps upon noticing his shadow turning to see him in front of you and u really tried to act normal but there was no point of that at that rate, so u just decided to do what u do everytime = running to ur room and die from shame! u hated that it's Sunghoon who caught u all the time and u weren't sure that u'd be able to look at him the next day but u managed to do that somehow. The table went silent again until Heeseung spoke again "i was just asking cuz it was too cold yesterday and the heating system wasn't working for me so i went to ask u if it works for u but u wasn't in ur room"

"Ahh yes" u lied "i was probably in the kitchen i got so thirsty and i didn't bring water to my room before sleeping" u mumbled, ur words beating u making Sunghoon laugh again impressed by ur ability to lie that fast. Heeseung and Jay were grinning knowingly, Joy didn't seem to understand the whole situation but she shrugged continuing what she was doing on her phone. U finished eating not daring to lift ur head again rushing to clean the table and do the dishes and u almost tripped, ur legs still sore from earlier if it wasn't for Sunghoon who catched u his hands around your waist holding you close, he chuckled his lips next to your ear his hot breath tickling you "are u still thirsty?" he whispered making u push him away chewing on ur lips, he chuckled again "just kidding watch out ur steps" he said tickling ur chin and leaving, making u freeze on ur spot questioning wtf was that about before walking out to the kitchen.

Jay followed u the thought of u doing the dishes while obviously looking tired not clicking with him, he insisted to do them instead asking u to have a rest in ur room, u sighed defeated and went back to the living room not wanting to spend ur time alone knowing that u'll just gonna be having unnecessary thoughts so u hopped on the couch laying there next to Joy who was watching some random insta reels and she smiled creating more space for you "what are u watching?" u asked her softly, Joy positioned her phone to match it with ur sight "just some reels" and u nodded watching videos with her while talking about some random stuff, u sighed the mic on ur back making u uncomfortable, "u should sit in the middle" Joy suggested but u shook your head "it's fine" you replied and Joy frowned not satisfied but she didn't say anything.

After some minutes Sunghoon walked to the living room sitting accross from you, his eyes not leaving ur body and u tried not to meet his gaze, his stare was so intense and intimidating and u wished he ignored u like earlier, "y/n" he called your name and ur heart skipped a beat it was probably the first time u heard ur name skip his lips, Joy looked at him raising her eyebrow but watching ur interaction quietly "yes?" u answered voice almost unheard and Sunghoon smiled, he loves when ur all shy and awkward with him, he cleared his throat before speaking "u wanna go on a date with me?" he asked u making ur eyes widen u certainly was not expecting this from him especially and u were wondering for a second if u've heard him correctly "uh?" u managed to let out and Joy couldn't stop herself from giggling next to you, Sunghoon didn't lose his charming smile making ur insides melt not even bothering to repeat his question, u looked at Joy for help, this situation almost awkward, she was smiling at you encouraging you to give him an answer, "umm... sure" u said after some moments, Sunghoon was waiting patiently and he seemed happy with your reply and Joy clapped her hands excitedly "great then it's settled" she said and u could feel yourself drowning, not knowing what to do and what to expect ur face as red as Joy's phone case ur eyes still looking at Sunghoon who didn't drop his smile now smirking at u, his eyes so intense making u question ur respond "i hope i don't regret that" u mumbled only for u to hear.

This part has been sitting in my drafts for a long time sorry :( but yeah this was not how i wrote this part originally nd it really sucks that i didn't save it but yeah hope u enjoy ^^ the next part is gonna be super intense, spoiler: it'll be both Sunghoon and Heeseung focused and oh god this duo is a lot!

[dragon-fuccer]

Hi!!! If u're reading this u're probably the author of this absolutely amazing fic ✨

And if u're not, go read it;!! It's so good u won't regret it<33

First some fanart jumpscare !!! (I hope u're ok w it bc I haven't asked for permission 😭)

It's just how I imagine Jack to look with a few smaller headcannons based on the fic, and there will be more fic related doodles soon, so prepare for that >;D (ofc as long as u're ok with it!!)

Second, the thing I lured ya here with, aka mine n my bfs ocs, art and description for ya to use in the fic if u want to ^^

TYSM for this offer, both me and my bf feel hella honored and it actually gave us a ton of motivation to actually expand on these two!

Tws : body horror, brief description of violence n death, mentioned suicide and brief description of murder

Smokey belongs to my bf and Something is mine !

Normal text is all written by me and green text was written by him ^^

Art and design by my dearly beloved:

Smokey

Real name : Victor Wilson

Age : around 26 yo

possible victor lore

used to be victor by marble hornets standards known as smokey

a dropout uni student with raging nicotine addiction (smokey did not retain any uni info but vic used to be psych student (projecting much lol))

prolly watched marble hornets with friends for fun and against better judgement decided to give a visit to rosswood park thinking its a film project in the beginning

turns out its not and they spotted the lanky guy

smokey the horror movie enthusiast wants out at that point before shize goes down but its late and they r deep in the forest so comes to conclusion they r all p much dead at this point

peeps want to go hunt for the lanky man cus cool and internet views

my guy is like f that yall r following basic horror lore of everyone dies im not playin like that and straight up says hes not going and hed rather go and sleep in the burned down psych ward

he gets called a wimp but decides if hes gonna die hes not dying an idiot and decides to vidtape everything on his mid tier phone camera

not sure what happens to the rest but they do their meet cute w slendy and prolly with time like half of em ends up in the arko e way or another

smokey manages most of the night fine but like luck would have it still end up meeting the guy

does not go well

wakes up in the burned down hospital not remembering the last unknown time and broken phone beyond repair

decides oho this is bad lets go back to uni and never talk abt it

meets with most friends back at uni but like 2 of em r missing and they just pretend nothing happened, friend group dissolves

after that he starts slowly having memory gaps, waking up in other places

all comes to head when it turns out he missed 5 months of uni after he wakes up back in rosswood really far from home and skinnier than ever and suddenly no more uni student

after that victor surfaces less and less till hes just kinda gone at that point

Smokey first shows up the night victor goes with friends to rosewood

in the beginning surfaces confused unsure who they are and what is their purpose

with time smokey goes through both phone and computer of vics

binges whole marble hornets in one sitting and decides he has a personal vendetta against the operator

since then they work on somehow stoping it (and terribly fails given the lack of information) leading to continuous trips back to rosewood and sleepovers in the rubble of the ex psych ward

figuring out the nicotine addiction takes a bit of time and leads to pretty nasty withdrawal symptoms as well as a very wrecked dorm room (he does find the cigarettes tho and is smart enough to connect the dots (smart cookie, here have a star sticker))

smokey learns asl and isolates themself a lot in the months of operator research

he still maintains two personas to some extends which is one the masked smokey who uses mostly asl and rarely speaks (to some extent also a tactic against being caught by police) and times when he goes without mask on library searches and grocery shoppings

smokey starts a yt channel dedicated to catching the operator and ending it which attracts at best some people commenting on obvious marble hornets ripoff and few cents into his wallet

with passing time they do start finding victims in order to keep themselves alive n appease the the big slinky leading to series of alleged suicides then turned to series of murders

he starts off with two of his ex friends who go back to rosewood and start showing symptoms he learned from mh

When they commit murder they hide in the trunk of the car and basically hotbox the whole thing due to smoking making the victim whoozy and confused, moving on they connect a pipe (like garden hose or whatevs) to the exhaustion pipe and suffocate their victims with the car smoke

the thing that tips off the police is the nicotine in the system of every victim and an account of almost to be one that got stalked by smokey who upon being discovered (also while smoking and which earned him the name) decided to bolt

since then he continues on just about the same, aka researching the operator, finding new victims and surviving untill they meet Something

His hoodie is dark green, the mask is greyish from the grime n dirt, the big cross on it is black so are his pants and hair

Something

Real name : Rae Dyer

Age : 23 before transformation, currently unknown

Something used to be a cryptid fan. They worked at a radio station and had a small night show where they played old rock and often rambled about the latest creature they heard about. While out, looking for a new creature to maybe see, they stumbled upon the Slenderman and became obsessed to document it somehow, quickly spiraling out of control and slowly, bit by bit became a creature themselves.

Something doesn't remember much from it's past life. It used to just wander, guided by the static in it's head towards it's victims, always terrified itself but not knowing why. After Smokey found it, they started wandering together. At first they had serious communication issues - Something only able to speak in tap code and Smokey mainly using ASL - but with time they learned to speak with each other, and now they can understand the other almost without words.

Something doesn't really eat, it survives on fear and between itself and Smokey, it always has more than enough of it. It does steal food for Smokey tho, cigarettes as well, usually leaving them in whatever ruined building he decided to stay in for the night. Something got also addicted to nicotine by just being around Smokey so much, leading to separation anxiety fueled by withdrawal when they're apart.

Something cannot speak, and can only communicate using tap code. When it's particularly worried or scared it does emit a small noise, that sounds like a particularly breathy whine, and more commonly when it tries to speak, quiet spider like ticking can be heard coming from it's mouths.

It usually walks hunched over, used to having to duck under branches, entryways, etc bc of it's height.

Something has pale skin reminiscent of porcelain, and is usually wearing a v neck sweater with a white undershirt and jeans or other pants. It's hair is very thin and scarce, floating around it's head down to it's lower back

Also a tiny doodle bonus of how I imagine these two showing up on Jacks doorstep xjbxbcbcb

We think the most probable case of them showing up would be Smokey getting bonked on a mission (probably by a car or a would be victim) and Something bringing them over to Jacks cabin to get pached up, tho feel free to do something else ya might think fits =w=

Again, thank you so much for the offer, we're both so honored to have the opportunity to show these two off and maybe if you're so inclined getting them a chapter in ur amazing fic<3

If u have any questions you need answered Abt the two don't hesitate to ask them as well! ^^

-Kai n Bean

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

[butgilinsky]

someone will ache for your soul // np

warning; a lot of language i’m sry, argument btw best friends, talks abt a shitty ex bf but there’s nothing explicit

summary; in a world where you acquire tattoos across various parts of your body once you fall in love with someone, you have to hide yours from your best friend. 

word count; 6.7k+

a/n: kind of a soulmate au but not really i guess? i saw this prompt somewhere online and idk where it’s from so the general idea of gaining tattoos from those you fall in love with is not mine but the rest of the fic is. okay thx bye(:

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

When you were younger, you loved it. You loved looking down at your ankle and seeing the small butterfly just beside your ankle. You’d had it your whole life, though you still weren’t entirely sure how a tattoo grew up with you, but you accepted it. After all, it’s all that you knew. 

Everybody’s born with a tattoo on their ankle, a small tattoo that has theirselves embedded into it. However, the older you get the more you realize that it’s not the tattoo you’re born with that makes the biggest impact on you, it’s others’. Every time you fall in love with somebody, your skin makes room for their tattoo on it. Your mom’s tattoo, a small star on her left ankle, shined bright from its place on your father’s wrist, somehow separate from the couple tattoos he collected over the years. 

You remember the day you found out about the tattoos, perched in your mom’s lap and listening to her talk to your aunt about it. You remember tracing their tattoos with your small fingers while they told you various stories about their loves and how they grew up collecting tattoos on their skin. You were scared, asked your mom what happened if you never got any more than your single tattoo on your ankle. She told you that you would, that anybody would be lucky to collect your small butterfly somewhere on their body. 

You remember the day you got your second tattoo, the paper plane that sat on the back of your left shoulder that now held the role as a painful reminder of your first love. You loved Cory, but the time for the two of you had come and gone. The paper airplane, though never in your line of sight, was still a painful reminder of the times you shared with the boy and how he broke your heart at the end of it all just before moving to college. 

You had to go through senior year alone, newly broken up with and with your best friend hours away from home. You couldn’t blame Nolan, not when he was out doing the thing he loved so much. Being in Brandon was good for him, it was all that he wanted, and it wasn’t all that far away from Winnipeg anyways. You still drove out to see Nolan’s games, even if it ran up the miles on your car and had you spending late nights driving back home by yourself. You would’ve done anything for Nolan, and it truly showed during your senior year. 

Nolan’s draft day was a rude awakening for you. You jumped up when his name was called, hugging him as tight as you possibly could before hiding your giddy expression behind your hands. You were excited for him, even if he was going all the way out to Philadelphia. You wanted him to be happy, and you could tell within seconds of his name being called that he was going to do just fine in Philly. 

You didn’t notice until you got home and your heart sank into your stomach. Your adrenaline high had worn off, and the reality of everything around you began to sink in. You knew what it was the second you laid your eyes on it, black lines etched into the skin of your sternum. You thought it was an odd placement, though it was hard to miss it when you stepped out of the shower and it stood tall and proud and ready to be found. 

You knew what it was, you’d seen the shape etched into Nolan’s ankle far more times than you could count. It mocked you, the snake coiled up the same way your memory sketched it out in your brain, and now it was imprinted perfectly into your skin. You touched it, rubbed it, tried to wash it off. You had just taken a shower, just washed the day off of you and down the drain and now you were standing in the middle of a hotel bathroom, rubbing at the spot between your breasts mercilessly. This couldn’t be happening, not to you, not when Nolan was about to move thousands of miles away from you. 

But it was happening, because the black line that followed no real pattern never faded, despite the skin around it turning raw from your insistent attempts at washing it off. It was here to stay, no matter what happened in your life down the road. It didn’t matter that you had no heads up, no warning that you were falling head over heels in love with your best friend. 

You knew it wouldn’t wash off, but that didn’t stop you from trying. These tattoos were forever, you knew that. You learned from a ripe, young age about obtaining your love’s tattoo. You learned about it growing up, you talked about it with friends and family, hell this wasn’t even your first tattoo that wasn’t your own. You knew the drill, you knew the routine, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. 

You were 18, watching him sign contracts and make agreements of his big move in a few short weeks. You couldn’t believe it, that you were losing him in a time like this. It made dropping him off at the airport all that much harder, cheeks wet and eyes bloodshot as you clung to him for dear life. You knew his parents wanted to say bye, that his sisters were waiting patiently while you cried into his shoulder, but you couldn’t let go.

He didn’t know about the snake on your sternum, nor did you plan on telling him. You couldn’t drop a bomb like that on him just before he moved to a different country, finally living out the dream he’d had ever since you could remember. Nolan wasn’t Nolan without hockey, and you were aware of that. You were painfully aware of that. 

So you didn’t tell him. 

You spent too many nights curled up in your bed, clinging to your pillow to muffle the whimpers and whines that pushed through your lips and out into the air. You tried to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest at any given moment, and you did everything in your power to keep everything under wraps. You couldn’t tell anyone, no matter how bad it hurt to be in love with your best friend that now lived so far away from you. 

It was hard, hiding it. You had to hide it from your family and friends, and sometimes that was easy. During the cold months you were seemingly off the hook, but when summer rolled around and your friends dragged you out to the lake every chance they got, you were in a bit of trouble. You had to carefully choose what bathing suits you wore and had to make sure nothing slipped or faltered throughout the day. 

You’d made it three years without a slip up. Even on nights when Nolan came home and you were mere inches away from him, you couldn’t find it in you to tell him. Even when he was curled up into your side and holding you against his chest in the most comfortable way, you couldn’t say anything. You couldn’t make a move on him. 

And now you were in Philly, standing in an arena that had you shivering but smiling brightly from the opposite side of the glass. You smiled every time Nolan skated by, even more when he assisted Travis in the first goal of the game and scored one of his own late in the second period. You were buzzing, adrenaline pumping and excitement shining deep in your chest. Watching Nolan do what he loved would never get old, not when the smile he wore was enough to wash away any fear or worry you’ve ever had. 

You remember nights when you couldn’t sleep and Nolan would hold you. You remembered nights when you were crying over the phone to him and he snuck out of his room and into your own. You remembered fights you had and the way he made you walk home one night after one of your bigger ones. 

You were walking out of TIm Horton’s, mere feet away from Nolan’s car before you tumbled into an argument you’d been trying to avoid for a few days now. You were dating Cory at the time, and Nolan couldn’t believe you were telling him that you couldn’t go to his game on Friday night, regardless of the fact that you’d promised him for weeks now that you’d be there. It was hard for you to catch games during the week, but this one was on a Friday night with plenty of time for you to finish the school day and drive over to Brandon. 

But now you were telling him that you couldn’t go, and no matter how sorry you were, Nolan couldn’t forgive you. He said you’d blown him off for Cory more times than he could accept anymore. You had to call your sister, figuring she was the only one that would pick you up and give you a ride home without threatening to leave you in the parking lot in favor of beating Nolan to a pulp. 

None of that mattered though. None of it mattered when you were faced with the boy you’d fallen in love with doing the thing he cherished most. When he left the locker room with a smile brighter than any of his teammates had seen in a long time that was directed straight at you, you knew none of it mattered. 

Your feet left the ground, hanging in the air while your best friend clung to your frame tightly. He thanked you for coming, told you that he scored the goal just for you, that he scored every goal for you. You figured it was the adrenaline talking, that he was just basking in the big win against their biggest rivals. That plus the fact that Nolan could barely come to terms with the fact that you were here all for him. 

You’d been in Philly before, had visited Nolan a few times over his years with the Flyers. You’d met practically everyone there was to meet and had gotten fairly close with his closest friends by default, seeing as they were always around when you were. Everything was going well this time around, everyone was having fun and getting along and it almost seemed like nothing could fall out of place. 

You were standing in the kitchen with Nolan and Travis when Nolan’s name was called, beckoning him out into the rest of the house while you and Travis rallied drinks for the group. He tried to ignore them, tried to help you pile up on wine and beers for the rest of the group but Travis practically kicked him out of the kitchen. Travis said he could help you, that the two of you didn’t need Nolan’s help and that someone else clearly did. 

It took all of five minutes for Travis to spill red wine all over your shirt. Thankfully for him, the few glasses you’d thrown back throughout the night washed over any sense of anger or annoyance you’d usually pick up and you simply laughed it off. He felt so bad, begged you to forgive him and let you buy him a new shirt, but all you did was insist that he find you a new one for now and that you could figure out the rest of it when the two of you weren’t tipsy and surrounded by your friends. 

Travis ducked out of the kitchen for a second before turning back up and leading you into a hallway on the other end of the house. He told you that Claude never really let them wander his house without a little supervision, claiming that they break everything that they touch, but this was a special case. Claude loved you, and he wasn’t going to let you walk around with a wine stained shirt for the rest of the night, especially when it’s Travis’s fault in the first place. 

You laid back on the bed in the room you were unfamiliar with, smiling up at the ceiling and humming to yourself while Travis dug through Claude’s closet. 

“I know Ryanne has a stack of those shirts somewhere.” he spoke gently to himself, refraining from throwing clothes all over the room and instead digging for one through multiple piles. You laughed to yourself, not even sure if he knew that you could hear him. 

“Just pick one, Teeks!” he huffed and chucked one at you, laughing loudly when it landed directly on your face. 

You whined and sat up, reaching for the hem of your shirt without much thought surrounding the subject before peeling it off. All you could think about was how sticky your stomach had gotten from the red spot. 

It was the small gasp that got you, the one that brought you back down to Earth and tore you out of your wine-induced haze. It was Travis’s eyes locked in on the spot in the middle of your chest that triggered every panic siren in between your ears. 

“Is that-”

“TK you can’t tell him.” you rushed out, pushing yourself to stand up as you pressed a bright orange Flyers shirt against your chest. Your hands were shaking, and Travis’s eyes were glued to the spot of the tattoo even without being able to see it anymore. He knew what that snake was, he knew it all too well. He’d known Nolan for a long time now, and he’d seen the snake enough times to commit it to memory. 

He was sure you had Nolan’s snake in the middle of your chest, and now Travis knew you were in love with Nolan. 

“Trav, I’m serious.” he shook his head, trying to clear himself of the intrusive thoughts and nodded gently. He couldn’t tell Nolan. He wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to keep that from him, especially when he had been looking for your tattoo on Nolan’s skin for years now. 

Travis wasn’t dense. He saw the way that Nolan looked at you, heard the tone he used when he talked about you. He saw how excited Nolan got when he knew you were about to fly into Philly, and he saw how upset Nolan got when you left. He might not have been the brightest bulb in the box, but he knew that there was something lying under the surface of you and Nolan’s friendship. 

He tried to have this conversation before, had tried more times than he could count at this point. The only difference now was that there was hard proof, there was evidence that he was right all along. But now he couldn’t use that evidence, not when you were looking at him with wide eyes and begging him to keep it between the two of you. 

“Fine, but we’re talking about this before you go back home.” you nodded, figuring that it was good enough for you if it meant he never told Nolan about it. 

Except, there was one small problem.

The door swung open, dark and narrowed eyes landing on you and Travis, less than a foot between the two of you with you topless, a single shirt held between your hands and in front of your chest. 

“My best friend?” the disappointment in his voice tugged at your heart and punched you in the gut simultaneously. The guilt hanging in your chest was barely justified, given this was one large misunderstanding, but the look on Nolan’s face was enough to have your shoulders falling. 

“Nolan, it’s not-”

“My best fucking friend? Of all people you had to choose him?” his eyes were wide and glued to yours, anger mixing with disgust in the back of his mind. He couldn’t believe you’d do this to him. 

“Pat, you don’t understand-” 

“Fuck you.” Nolan spoke slowly and clearly, shooting Travis the sharpest glare he could produce. His voice sent a chill down your spine, unsure if you had ever heard him speak with such malice. “Both of you.” 

Nolan spun on the balls of his feet and left the room, but you didn’t let him get far before you were following him. You tugged the shirt over your head, not even bothering to turn back to Travis to apologize before you were running after Nolan, calling his name down the hallway. 

“Nolan, please-”

“I don’t want to hear it, honestly.” he threw over his shoulder, but you weren’t accepting that. You weren’t going to let him walk away right now, not when you didn’t do anything wrong. 

“Just listen to me!” you stopped walking, stopped running. You stood in the middle of a hallway that had pictures lining the walls around you. Smiling faces and cheery laughs suffocated you in a time where you stood toe to toe with your best friend, the same one who was looking down at you like he’d never known you. “You don’t get to assume things and just walk away!”

“Yeah, well you don’t get to come out here after not seeing me for six months and sleep with my best friend! You don’t get to do that to me! You don’t get to use me to sleep with professional athletes.” any words you had swimming through your mind halted at his accusation. They fizzled out, unable to produce a coherent thought after you heard your best friend accuse you of using him. 

“After all this time, you think i’m using you? You think that I came here to sleep with Travis?” 

“You want to know what I think? I think you’ve always used me. You used me to escape your awful boyfriend in high school and you used me to leave home when things got bad. You used me to get over your shitty boyfriend when he left you in the fucking dust and here you are now, using me to sleep with my best fucking friend.” you were in shock, lips parted and throat constricting as you tried to let his words sit. 

“If you wanted to whore yourself out to NHL players, you should’ve just said so, puck bunny.” The nickname weighed heavily in your chest, bringing you back to a time where Nolan went on and on about how much puck bunnies got under his skin. It brought you back to a time when Nolan would never call you that, would never even put you and the name in the same conversation.

“Patty!” Nolan’s eyes left yours, casting over your shoulder and locking with another pair that he might have been more furious at. Sure, he was angry at you. He couldn’t believe you’d do something like this, not after growing up with him just a few houses down. He couldn’t believe you’d stoop this low, but Travis? Travis knew how Nolan felt about you. Even if he didn’t admit it, even if he’d never say that was all true, Travis knew. He knew better than anyone how Nolan felt, and that made it all the more worse. 

“Don’t talk to her like that.” you bit down on your bottom lip, hard enough to sting slightly but you couldn’t look away from where your eye level left you. You couldn’t look up at Nolan, not when he was this angry at you, and you surely couldn’t look at Travis. You knew that’d only make things worse. 

“Now you get to tell me how to talk to her? Does that mean the two of you are a thing now? That’s funny, seeing as you have a girlfriend, Teeks. Didn’t know you were into home wrecking, y/n.”

“Fuck you.” you spoke softly, not even sure if he had heard you before he looked down at you with a puzzled look stretched across his face. 

“So I can pick up TK’s sloppy seconds? No thanks, angel.” you shoved him then, shoved him hard. He didn’t move much due to the way his feet dug into the ground and he had muscle on you, but you got your point across by the force delivered to his chest. 

“You’re a dick, you know that? You walk into a room and think you know everything that’s going on, but you don’t, okay? You don’t know what happens when you’re gone. You don’t know what happened in there or what happens at home when you’re here. You don’t know anything, okay?” 

“That’s bold, given that I just walked in on you topless, seconds away from kissing my best friend, y/n-”

“Is there a reason you feel the need to keep reminding me that Travis is your best friend?”

“Because I need you to know that you’re not.” 

The world titled on its axis then, the rude awakening you’d walked into becoming all too much for you to handle. With the realization that Nolan wanted nothing to do with you, you nodded once and walked around him so you could leave. It was only then that you noticed the audience you’d gathered, the better half of the Flyers roster circled around the room with a few of their significant others. You flashed everyone a pained smile and thanked Claude and Ryanne for inviting you before leaving the house. 

You weren’t even down the driveway when your lungs gave way, gasping for air while tears streamed down your cheeks. Your heart hurt and your stomach turned, and you knew it was going to be a long night. 

“You really are a dick.” Travis was going to walk past him, was going to avoid the lot of people and follow you outside. He knew you didn’t know where you were, nor did you have a way to get to or from anywhere else. You could order an uber to Nolan’s, but then what? Kevin might let you into the apartment but where would you stay? On the couch in a living room you weren’t welcome in? Not likely. 

“I’m the dick? You know how I feel about her!”

“Nothing happened!”

“Bullshit, TK! I know that look on your face and I know that she sure as hell looked embarrassed-”

“I spilt wine on her shirt, you fucking idiot! I knocked into her when we were in the kitchen and I made her entire glass of wine spill down the front of her shirt, so I went to get her another one. I didn’t want her to sit in a soaking wet, stained shirt for the rest of the night so I went to get her another.” 

“And she changed in front of you because-?”

“Because she was drunk and knew I wouldn’t make a move on her. Because she knows that I respect you and care about you far more than I care about making a move on her. I don’t look at her that way, Pat. You know I would never do that to you.” Nolan sucked on his teeth then, casting his eyes away from Travis’s and looking down at his feet. 

“Do I?” Travis scoffed then, not bothering to give Nolan a response before walking past everybody else and out to his car. 

After a few minutes of driving around, he found you at the park just down the street, leaning against the chain that supported the swing you sat on. He couldn’t see your tears from his car, but he could see the way you flinched when he shut the car door behind him. 

“You okay?” you shook your head, eyes filled to the brim with tears that blurred your vision and broke Travis’s heart. 

“I’m in love with him, Teeks. I love him more than anything in this entire world and he thinks I’m using him. He t-thinks- he thinks I-” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Travis pulled you onto your feet and into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around you in order to attempt to calm you down. 

“He thinks-” your sobs rang through the air, piercing through Travis’s heart and resulting in him squeezing you tighter, letting you get all of it out while no one else was around. 

“He doesn’t think that. He knows you’re not using him, he just can’t bear to think about you with anybody other than him.” you shook your head, not allowing yourself to believe Travis, even though he knew Nolan pretty well. If there was anything to know about Nolan, you or Travis would know about it. 

“He loves you, okay? He loves you more than he knows how to handle and he can’t handle losing you before he’s even had you.” you flinched when a car backfired, jumping inches off of the ground and making Travis laugh gently from beside you when you let out a shaky breath of relief. 

Your eyes found the familiar car drive by, slowing down the slightest bit by the park only to take off towards the entrance of the neighborhood quite quickly. You knew it was Nolan, you knew that car by heart. 

You ended up on Travis’s couch the night, wrapped in a warm pair of sweatpants that Travis threw in the dryer for you before giving them to you. You tied the drawstring in a tight knot so they’d stay up and pulled on a hoodie that he offered to you shortly after. He listened to you reminisce on all of the memories you had with Nolan. He learned more about his best friend and who he was growing up, but also learned a fair amount about you as well. 

He felt for you. He couldn’t believe Nolan said all of those things to you, but he also knew that Nolan must not be doing well right now. He texted Kevin when he got back to his apartment, saying that you were safe with him, and that he’d text Nolan but didn’t for obvious reasons. Kevin assured Travis he’d let Nolan know you were safe, despite Nolan not asking about your well being. Not that he hadn’t thought about it, but he figured if he asked he’d be left with a less than likable answer. 

Nolan didn’t sleep well that night, replaying how bad he fucked up over and over again in his mind. He didn’t believe you at first, didn’t even believe Travis when he told him what truly happened. He did, however, believe his captain when he said that Travis asked him for a shirt for you just a few minutes before it all happened. Ryanne brought out your wine soaked shirt after the two of you had left, and despite Nolan coming to terms with the fact that he was wrong, he couldn’t forgive himself for the things he said to you. 

He couldn’t believe he accused you of it all before going on to accuse you of using him for your benefit. He knew it was stupid, since you’d been around far before the NHL. you were there when he got drafted, you were there when he was named captain of the Wheat Kings, and you were there when he almost quit hockey when he was younger. He remembered having you by his side through everything growing up and even now, even while living so far away from each other. If he called, you answered. If he needed help, you helped him. Hockey had nothing to do with that. 

He looked down at the butterfly on his thigh, the one that took residence right beside another one of his tattoos, one that he had to keep hidden from you for well over two years now. He traced his finger over the small image, let his mind wander over all the possibilities of where yours could be if you had a snake somewhere inked into your skin. It’s a thought he often had, wondering where you’d want it, if you’d want it. 

By the time Nolan came to his senses, it was too late. He’d already gotten through an entire practice and by the time he got back, by the time he got home, he realized you were gone. Your things that were piled into a corner of his room were gone. The jersey he’d given you for the game against the pens was folded up nicely on the pillow of his bed and a sticky note with your unmistakeable handwriting on it left a hole in his chest. 

I’m sorry I ever made you doubt me. 

He couldn’t reach for his phone fast enough, couldn’t call you enough times to break your voicemail box. He called Travis, pained to hear that you were already on a flight back to Winnipeg. He wanted to leave, wanted to drive to the airport right this second and catch a flight back home to tell you he’s incredibly sorry, but he couldn’t. He had a roadie in a few days and a game tomorrow night and he couldn’t just leave. 

He did his best to contact you, tried to call every person in your family and was disappointed every time. Even when both of his sisters sat down and called him to collectively tell him that he was the biggest idiot either of them had ever met. Nobody could believe Nolan blew you off like that, not even Nolan himself. 

He knew he fucked up, but he hadn’t realized how bad he fucked things up until one of your friends from back home posted a picture of you on social media a few months later. It had been at least four months since he’d spoken to you, since he saw you. It had been too long of him having nothing but the sliver of content he got from social media. He hated that his friends had chosen your side in the thick of it all, though he guessed it was easier to do that with him in Philadelphia and the rest of you in the same place. 

But it wasn’t until a picture of you with a wide smile and a new bathing suit popped up on his phone that he knew the true weight of the situation in front of him. There you were, in a baby blue bathing suit that showed the same shape between your breasts that he’d grown up with beside his ankle. His tattoo was committed to memory, ingrained into his brain with no room to forget about it, especially when he saw it on you, etched into your skin the same way it had been etched into his. 

He thought back to the paper airplane on your shoulder, the mark that had haunted him for years. He hated your boyfriend, hated the sight of his tattoo on your skin. He hated everything that had to do with the sheer thought of you with somebody else, even if he didn’t know how to deal with that. And now, with his thumb sitting on the butterfly on his thigh and his eyes on the snake on your sternum, he knew he had to fix this. He knew he had to fix things because these tattoos, though permanent themselves, didn’t guarantee him a life as your boyfriend, nor your husband. 

Nolan remembered a time when he thought these tattoos were stupid. He remembered when he thought it was a thing for soulmates and you told him that thought was wrong, that it just reminded you of a love you felt, even if it was eventually lost. He remembers you telling him that you were scared you’d never be loved forever, that you were scared to only be loved momentarily. 

But that wasn’t the case. Nolan would never stop loving you. He couldn’t forget about the way your laugh brightened his day without question, or the way your nose scrunched when you laughed. He couldn’t forget about the way you bugged him for ice cream on a bad day, or how good you looked with his name and number stretched across your back. 

He couldn’t remember a day he wasn’t in love with you. 

So Nolan flew to Winnipeg the second the Flyers’ season was over. He didn’t bask in getting knocked out of the playoffs like some of the other guys, didn’t dwell on the loss in the sixth game of the series because he couldn’t. He couldn’t dwell on a loss when he was so focused on trying to prevent a second one. 

He had called everybody he could think of once he got off the plane. Some didn’t answer, some didn’t know the answer to his question, and some just flat out refused to humor him. You weren’t home, he knew that much by the absence of your car in the driveway and your sister telling him that you weren’t there, and that she wouldn’t let him inside even if you were. It wasn’t until he rounded a familiar corner after a phone call he’d been thankful for. 

Jordan told him where you were, unable to lie to his childhood friend when you were hanging out with everyone. You were wearing a bathing suit again, though it didn’t matter for a while. The sun was high in the air and you weren’t the only that had shed yourself of your coverup earlier in the afternoon. You were playing basketball with Jordan, oblivious to the fact that he’d given you up just ten minutes prior to the gate door swinging open and Nolan letting himself into the backyard. 

Your eyes found him easily, as if he was a magnet you could never repel. Your shoulders fell for a moment, your instinct of wanting to comfort him seeping in before you could tell it not to. Of course you kept up with his team, watching every game you possibly could until the very last one. You knew he’d been knocked out of the playoff less than 48 hours ago, and you had no idea he was coming home. 

You hadn’t realized the weight of the situation until you noticed his eyes locked in on your chest. You folded your arms over your chest in an attempt to cover the snake, but it didn’t make Nolan look anywhere else. 

“Who told you I was here?” your voice was soft. You knew he didn’t drive around the entire town looking for your car, though you weren’t sure it was something too far out of his reach. Nolan would do just about anything to get something if he wanted it bad enough.

“Bo did.” you glared at the boy not far from you, the one that you shouldn’t have trusted with something like this in the first place. You should’ve known Jordan would do something like this. 

“Patty, what the fuck?”

“Just shut up, Bo.” Jordan rolled his eyes and tossed the basketball to Nolan who smacked it away and into the grass. 

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you.” you tried to stand your ground, even with Jordan giggling to himself before walking over to your friends not too far from where you currently stood. 

“Just give me five minutes.”

Nolan’s eyes bore into yours, the same pair of bright blue eyes that you had been avoiding for months. You wanted to answer every call and every text, but how could you? How could you pick up the phone and listen to his voice through the speaker after all he’d said to you in front of his entire team. And then on top of it all, he left you stranded in Philly, in the middle of a city, country even, where you had nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. 

“I know you don’t want to talk to me-”

“Then leave, Nols.” he shook his head, taking a step towards you. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know I hurt you-”

“You’re right! You hurt me! You hurt me so bad Nolan and I can’t go through that again so if you’re here to let history repeat itself, then can you just go?” he shook his head, firmly planting his feet into the ground and refusing to move. 

“I know you don’t want to see me or listen to me or give me the benefit of the doubt but I need you to hear me out.” you sighed, letting your arms fall to your side. You weren’t sure how he seemingly broke down all of your walls without even lifting a finger. You watched his eyes flick down to the image on your chest, you even let him raise a finger once he stood in front of you and trace the shape of the snake. “It suits you, y’know?”

“Did you really come all this way to tell me that this suits me?” there was a hint of amusement in your voice, enough of it to bring a smile to Nolan’s lips. 

“I know I fucked up-”

“Big time.” you cut him off, shooting him a gentle smile and nod that told you you’d stop interrupting him. “Sorry, continue.”

“I know I fucked up and I said a lot of shit I didn’t mean and that’s not an excuse but- look, I know i shouldn’t have said all of that shit. I should’ve believed the two of you. I should’ve believed you when you told me nothing happened and I shouldn’t have said you were using me. I know you’re not using me. There was no way you could’ve known that I was going to be in the NHL, and you wouldn’t have stuck around all this time just to be a puck bunny.” 

It wasn’t like you to forgive all that easily. You drew lines in the sand and refused to let someone fuck you over twice. You weren’t big on second chances, especially when you thought people didn’t deserve them. You were a straight shooter, no bullshit. But those walls cracked for Nolan, they fell for Nolan. None of your boundaries were drawn in place with Nolan in mind. He had broken down every wall, overstepped every boundary since the day he met you. You couldn’t block him out, couldn’t lead him out of your life. 

As much as you hated to admit it, you needed Nolan Patrick. You were in love with Nolan Patrick. 

And the little butterfly on his thigh told you that he loved you all the same. 

Your lips turned up at the sight, your eyes locked in on the place where his shorts had ridden up and the small image danced happily on his skin. 

“How long have you had that?” you pointed down at it, barely noticing the way his eyes stayed trained on you through the entirety of the situation. You were looking at his tattoo, but he was looking at you. He was always looking at you, which only made it that much more surprising that he hadn’t picked up on the snake on your chest. 

“Since before I got drafted.” he spoke softly, hitting you with a force you didn’t know existed. You were floored by the realization, somewhat thinking that he’d only had it for a small bit of time. You’d seen his thighs, seen his tattoos and you’d never seen the small butterfly etched into his skin. 

“How long have you had that?” his finger traced over the snake one more time, sending a chill down your spine that you had felt more times than you could count when you were around Nolan. It was a feeling that was never expected but always welcome. 

“Draft day.” you breathed out, feeling the weight of the world lift off of your shoulders. You were finally admitting it, finally letting the love of your life know just how long you’ve been a mess for him. Little did you know how much of a mess he was for you. 

“I’m so sorry, y/n.” 

“It’s okay.” you spoke softly, a smile gracing your lips at the realization that things were falling back into place, even after all this time of not talking to him. 

“It’s okay?” you nodded, taking another step toward him so you were chest to chest. 

“As long as you don’t fuck it up again.” he let out a small laugh, his hands finding the sides of your face just before pressing his lips to yours. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

-

italics mean it wouldn’t let me tag you!!

nolpat tag list; @extratragic​ @babytkachuks​ @teenagekook​ @stfukie​ @kiedhara​ @sadcupofcoffee​ @sidscrosbyy​ @rebel-without-care @baby-cat-nol-pat​ @creator-appreciator​ 

tagging the himbos as well; @bricksatlandyswindow​ @damndunner​ @anxietyandtacos​ @sortagaysortahigh​ @dmonchld​

[cno-inbminor]

domus

a/n: here we have another short drabble dump! i wrote this up very quickly -- i’m still working on that long fic i’ve been talking about! i apologize for taking so long to put it together. pls take this short fic as an apology for now. stay hydrated, wear your masks, and be safe! love you all so dearly <3 

plot: when kuroo tetsuro drops the hard-hitting truth that he’s fallen out of love with you, your first thought is to escape. but you find comfort in the least likely person: akaashi keiji, a boy you had grown up with out of forced family interactions, who always seemed so distant from you. yet you probably knew more about him than anyone else. 

characters: fem!reader, ex-bf!kuroo, & family friend!akaashi 

wc: ~3.7k, will probably have other parts in the future.

genre/warnings: angst with dashes of fluff; mentions of alcohol

pt. 2 | pt. 3

edit: now crossposted to AO3!

When you’re in love, you spend weeks and months wondering why time won’t stop. You sit and ponder over why you’ll have to die someday and leave behind the person you’ve dedicated your entire soul to, or what might happen if your death came early and you didn’t get to say goodbye. You wonder why the seasons seem to pass you by so quickly, that in the blink of an eye, you go from enjoying a cup of iced tea on the porch to holding a mug of hot chocolate inside watching snowflakes swirl in their journeys to the ground.

But when love ceases to exist, time seems to stop. The days drag for longer, the seasons crawl at a turtle’s pace, and the inevitable end feels less terrifying. You no longer fear the eventual sagging of your skin or the spider legs that grow at the corners of your eyes. You no longer cling onto a hope that there will be a lover’s hand holding yours at your bed of eternal sleep. You simply become, just you. Solitary, single, independent you.

It’s no longer you and someone else. The realization stings so badly that it physically hurts you, a whimper leaving your throat. You shakily reach over for the next blouse and fight back the tears, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. The skin is chapped and broken to the point that you would need layers and layers of chapstick to save any semblance of it, a terrible habit that you wish you hadn’t possessed. It’s muscle memory, the way you fold the blouse in half, fold the sleeves in, bending it over your arm before it lands in a neat stack of other tops in your suitcase. Your eyes take a glance at the clock, and you gather you have about another hour before you needed to leave for the airport and make it on time for your flight.

You ignore the male figure hunched over on the edge of your bed, tuning out his pleas and broken promises. He begs you to give him time, to implore that it’s all his fault and he’ll make it work for the two of you. Tetsuro promises that he didn’t mean to and that it wasn’t anything you did, but you feel so empty inside that you can’t even find the energy to argue, to turn on him and say that he was pretending to take all the blame so it’d be a better explanation to all your friends. A relationship involves both parties, and while there were special exceptions, this wasn’t one of them. Something was clearly wrong with you, and you were okay with that. You were just tired of Testuro attempting to take everything onto himself.

“I thought it’d be best to come clean with you,” he says, throat hoarse from lack of hydration. “I know you would question it and I haven’t done anything, I swear, I know you’re amazing and don’t deserve to live a lie and—”

“Do you want me to say ‘thank you’?” You interjected quietly, morosely. Your hands slide open the underwear drawer and take out a week’s worth of underwear, bras, and bralettes. “Do you want me to express my gratitude in your honesty for telling me that you don’t love me anymore? You can easily buy a trophy online and make the inscription yourself. ‘Most honest man alive’? Is that what you want?” You ask, tone flat and not possessing the least bit of amusement and humor.

“Can’t you give me some time? I’ll try, I’ll try to figure out what went wrong, and I can love you again. We can still get married and everything, but please don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving forever, Tetsu. I’m just gone for a week, maybe more.”

“Where are you even going?”

“That’s none of your business,” you quickly reply, defenses back up as you make a beeline for the bathroom. You pick up all the toiletries you can, the ones that would be allowed in your carry-on. Strangers won’t care about your missing skincare routine and your complexion not looking its best.

“What if you get lost? Or kidnapped? What if people ask—”

“Easy. Just tell them I had a last minute business trip, family emergency, whatever floats your boat.”

“Can’t you see that I’m trying? I—”

“This isn’t just about you!” You snap, whirling around to look at him for the first time in the last hour or so. Testuro notices with a pang in his heart that your cheeks have sunken in slightly since he broke his revelation to you just last week, the eye circles darker than ever. But your eyes are soulless, dead, no shine or spark that he’d wake up to every morning even muddled with sleep.

“You can’t just expect me to be okay and continue to bend over backwards for you without question. The least you could do is give me my time, give me some space to think about all of it. That’s the bare minimum.”

And with that, you zip your suitcase shut, grab your passport (even though you probably don’t need it), keys, wallet, and phone, and walk as quickly as you can to the front door. The scheduled Uber will arrive in just a few minutes, and as you slip into a pair of flats, you can hear the creak of the bed and Testuro’s padded steps nearing you.

“Just be careful, okay? Call me if you need anything, anything. You’re still one of the most important people to me, so just – text me at some point. Let me know you’re alive at least.”

“You need to rest. You’re on call tomorrow,” you digress while opening the door.

“(Y/n)—”

“I’ll text you. Promise.”

And the door shuts behind you.

-

Your relationship with Akaashi Keiji is…hard to explain. In fact, you’re not even sure what to refer him as in your life. Anytime you spoke of him or attempted to explain, you’d fumble over words and draw blanks. While it was irritating and aggravating at times, you learned to just accept it.

Akaashi Keiji was the neighbor down the street, two years older, and someone who had known you since you were 8. Your moms were attached at the hip not longer after you moved to Tokyo, and that meant holidays were spent together, impromptu get-togethers and dinners were a common occurrence, and you saw him frequently at school. He was a quiet soul, gentle, but reserved. In fact, most of the things you knew about him were secondhand conversations from your mother talking about the family, because honestly his mom was basically your second mom now, and your mother trusted you with everything. His past, his troubles, his personality all relayed through your mom from his own, and when you saw him in the hallways, he wasn’t much of an enigma to you. Many other girls had found the mysterious air around him to be attractive, that the pretty setter who only ever smiled around his volleyball team and kept a tight circle of friends had something significant beneath the layers.

Keiji grew up with you, playing Smash on the Wii to pass time as your parents gossiped away. Sometimes, you’d play an intense game of Monopoly with him, a game that typically tipped in his favor. He never said much about himself, always relayed more about others that overlapped in your lives. The most he ever spoke to you about was when it came to teachers at school, even giving you some of his old notes and pointers. But even you could tell that he kept his guards up, and you wondered if he even classified you as a friend.

Your go-to explanation of Keiji’s standing in your life was a family friend. But that insinuated you were close with him, which you weren’t at all. No matter how many times he walked home with you (mainly at the pushing from his mother), no matter how many times he was forced to entertain you at dinners and holidays, no matter how many times he gave you a small smile in school, there was such a large gap between the two of you. He always seemed so different around his team, like they had the privilege of knowing the real him, and at times, you felt…jealous.

And the weird thing is that you can rely on him somehow – whether it be because he’d get an earful from his parents if he didn’t help you when you asked it or out of the goodness of his heart, he was simply always there. Sometimes, you were bold enough to text him about a show he talked about in the past, and he would reply quickly as if your unexpected, rare text about something benign didn’t faze him at all.  

Yet despite the distance, despite the lack of any semblance of an actual friendship with him, he was the first one you thought of when all this happened. He was the one you wanted to see – maybe it’s because he was the closest thing to home, and you didn’t want to go back to your parents explaining everything. It’s been a while since you’ve been back in Tokyo, ever since you moved to Sapporo for your job and Testuro got matched for a residency at a hospital there.

At 7PM on a Friday afternoon, past the baggage claim with the sunset beaming in through the sliding glass doors, you stare at Keiji’s contact on your phone, thumb hovering hesitantly over the call button. You could count the number of times you’ve called him on one hand, but this was an emergency, right? Is this why your heart is pounding against your chest, so anxious that you feel like you’ll break into a cold sweat any time soon?

You jump into the deep end.

Your hand nervously brings the phone to your ear, waiting with bated breath as the dial tone echoes in the chamber of your brain. Part of you wants him to miss the call so you can avoid this awkward conversation, but another part of you desperately wants him to pick up as if he’ll be able to save you.

Oh god oh god oh god, you panic as the tone stops, there’s a pause, a rustle, and then a hesitant, “—Hello?”

You didn’t plan this out. You’re not ready for this. Shit, what are you supposed to say?

“—hello? (Y/n)?”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

Wow, you’re a terrible conversationalist.

“…um, I haven’t actually. I was about to warm up some leftovers?”

Your eyes focus on the taxis driving by, picking up passengers as they get waved down. Maybe you should just find a cheap hotel nearby, continue this conversation tomorrow.

“Well…I’m in town, actually. I just landed about 30 minutes ago and realized I didn’t have anywhere to go and I don’t really want to call anyone else and I don’t exactly know who else to call so I just, um, thought about calling you and asking if you’ve had dinner? Which if you’re busy and stuff, that’s totally fine, I should’ve texted you beforehand instead of springing this on you and—”

“(Y/n), it’s okay, alright? It’s okay. I’m not busy, so you can stop by. Did my mom ever give you my address?”

Keiji’s brief attempt to calm you down works, surprisingly. You allow yourself to take a deep breath despite the stale airport air, but it was some much-needed oxygen. This is going to be okay, Keiji doesn’t hate you quite yet.

“N-no, she never did.”

“That’s fine, I’ll text it to you. My place is about 30 minutes from the airport, I’d recommend getting a taxi instead of an Uber. I’ll order some delivery—”

“Oh, you don’t have to—”

“You still like the miso ramen from that shop not far from your house, right? They opened up a second store not far from where I live.”

How did he remember that? You’re pretty sure your own mother had forgotten that fact by now.

“Y-yeah, I do,” you smile to yourself. “I still think about it sometimes.”

“Sounds good then. Get here safely then.”

“Okay. Thank you loads again. I’m sorry for all this—”

“Don’t worry about it. Keep me updated, see you later.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Not 30 seconds later, a text arrives to your phone with an address, a keycode for getting past the main door, and other relevant instructions.

-

Keiji’s apartment is exactly as you expect it to be – prim, proper, neat almost to a fault, with minimalist decorations. The apartment complex he lives in is rather high-end, if the security guards standing outside the main entrance indicated anything. You almost feel completely out of place or like a bug on the wall as you step in after him, a rather comfortable silence between the two of you. His kitchen is spotless and almost sparkles back at you, and the only thing that seems out of place are the containers of your ramen he so kindly ordered for you.

“Your place is really nice, it’s really��you,” you comment, setting your stuff down at the door. Keiji indulges you with a quiet laugh, making sure that there wasn’t anything that would be in your way. His glasses are perched on his head, an old monochrome t-shirt on his shoulders and sweatpants hung low on his hips, yet in this apartment that almost seems like it should be in an interior design magazine, he looks at home. His ethereal beauty, the softness in his eyes, the gentle up-turned strands of his hair – he belonged here.

“The ramen came not too long ago, so it’s still hot. I’ll go ahead and put it together, you can put your jacket on the couch.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Instead, you fold your jacket over your suitcase and quietly make your way into the apartment. Straight across from you are doors to a balcony – darkness had long taken over the city, so you see nothing but your reflection at first. But as you near the plexiglass, the reflection disappears into the view and you almost gasp from the beauty of it.

Blinking lights, flashing billboards, and the brightly lit Tokyo Skytree peer back at you. It only hits you now how much you’ve missed home, and that even though Sapporo was one of the largest cities in Japan, it still wasn’t Tokyo.

“I never get tired of it,” Keiji chimes in while carrying your bowl of ramen to the dining table.

“It’s an amazing view, I can see why you’d live here,” you reply while moving away from it. The table also has two empty wine glasses, and just as you’re about to ask him why they were there, he returns with a newly opened bottle of chardonnay.

“I haven’t had a lot of time to restock the wine fridge, but I knew I was going to kick myself for not having a bottle of that dessert wine we had before you went off to college,” he said with mirth and amusement. “You remember that one?”

“Yeah,” you nearly splutter, almost flushing that once again, Keiji was remembering details about you that you didn’t even know. “Your mom wanted to throw me a graduation dinner and you made it back in time after finals. And she had a bottle of it and between the two of us, we probably drank most of it. Our parents said it was too sweet.”

He nods and sits across from you, elbows on the table as you mutter, “Itadakimasu,” and start eating. You finish your meal silently for the most part, making small talk here and there. Keiji refills both of your glasses and the two of you sip the wine demurely, and while he seems okay with the lack of an explanation, you’re struggling to find the right words.

“So what’s with the impromptu trip to Tokyo? Are you going to see your parents?”

“Should I try to lie to you?”

“It’s up to you.”

Oh, okay then.

But he looks expectant, as if he knows you wouldn’t lie to him – in fact, you’ve never lied to him before. There was never any need to, but did that just mean neither of you ever cared enough?

“Something happened with me and Testuro. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but at the end of the day…I just needed to get away, as cliché as it sounds,” you laugh brokenly. Keiji continues to carefully observe you with a stare that you can’t escape. “I don’t want to tell my parents – you know them, they’ll ask a million questions. Without thinking, I booked a ticket to Tokyo and…now I’m here.”

That was a lie. How are you supposed to tell Keiji that he was the first person you thought of in an effort to run away? You and Keiji have never gotten personal before, he made sure of that. The last thing you want to do is weird him and scare him off.

“…did he cheat on you?” Keiji asked. His voice is darker in his inquiry, deeper than you’ve ever heard before. He has his hands folded in front of his lips and his eyes harden. Testuro may be an old friend to him, but you were in his life longer.

“Nonononono,” you quickly wave off. This isn’t the time to slander your…boyfriend? Could Tetsuro still even be your boyfriend if he no longer has any feelings for you? “Nothing like that.”

“That’s good to hear. If you want, you can tell me another time then. You’re welcome to stay here until you go back to Sapporo.”

You look up at him, eyes incredulous. Could Keiji really be this comfortable with you?

“I wouldn’t mind staying tonight, but I can stay in a hotel for the rest of the week that I’m here.”

“Nonsense,” Keiji refutes, standing from the table and taking your wine glasses to the sink. You follow with your bowl and he starts washing them before you can even offer. “Mom would kill me if she knew I let you pay for a hotel when I have a perfectly functioning bed you can stay in.”

“I mean, if it’s not a bother…”

“It’s not. The futon’s pretty comfortable, I’ve definitely fallen asleep on it plenty of times.”

“We can switch, I would never let you sleep on the futon for a whole week.”

“If you say so then. But for tonight, you can take my bed. Let me grab you an extra towel so you can shower. I’m sure you’ve had a long day,” he says while drying everything off, folding the kitchen towel neatly before heading off to his room. He returns with a large, soft grey towel and you shyly take it from him with a word of thanks, but he stays there in front of you, waiting for something.

“I’m really glad you picked up the phone,” you whisper softly, feeling the effects of the alcohol. You’re entering uncharted territory for the two of you, and this could either kill or strengthen this odd distant friendship. “I meant it when I said I didn’t know who else to call. You were the first person that came to mind and just…I don’t want to make this weird, like you can kick me out,” you begin to ramble. “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to take me in because your mom would be disappointed if you wouldn’t, you’ve already put up with me for over 15 years and it’s fine, I can be on my own and—”

Smooth, calloused hands delicately hold your face, large palms and nimble fingers cupping your cheeks. Your words die on your tongue as Keiji stares straight into your eyes, holding your gaze until your breathing calms down to a steady, languid pace. “You’re my friend, (y/n). So it’s good that you called me.”

“I’m your…friend?” You ask unsteadily, feeling a sense of disbelief.

“Yeah,” he confirms with the corners of his lips turning up slightly. “We’re friends.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now go shower.”

“Okay.”

-

You’re fast asleep before Keiji finishes his own shower, his bedroom door left ajar as the hallway light beams through. He pauses in the midst of drying his hair with a towel, letting it bunch and hang off his neck as he cautiously pushes the door open. Keiji notices your even breathing and how much more relaxed you look in sleep. You’re curled up on your side with the blanket pulled up to your face and he can’t lie: it’s adorable and cute, and he shouldn’t really be thinking these things.

He sits on the edge of the bed in the little space that’s provided, lithe fingers reaching out to brush back a few stray wisps of your hair. Watching you sleep pulls him back into a fond memory he’s kept of the two of you, one that might’ve held very little significance to you but meant something so much more to him. He knows you know him well, he knows how much his mother babbles on about him, and adults were more prone to gossip than the rowdiest of teenagers – he’d be painfully oblivious if he didn’t think you knew that much about him, or more than the average friend.

But it’s comforting to him, sometimes. Knowing you, how kindly you think of others, he might not have to explain what he’s feeling in the moment. You would be able to know, and that soothes him to some degree.

Maybe he had a little bit too much wine as well, but ever so subtly, motions steady and unhurried, he deftly leans closer and closer until his lips brush the apple of your cheek. He lingers for no more than a few seconds and sits back up, gazing at you before standing. His hands adjust the blankets and make sure you’re properly tucked in. He pads away, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible as to not wake you.

And when he’s found a comfortable position on the futon with his most comfortable throw blanket, he realizes, begrudgingly, that this week will fly by too fast for his liking.  

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

I was wondering if you could do a John B one where he is jealous of the reader and her boyfriend and wishes he would leave the friend zone. Then one night or day something happens that causes John B to comfort the reader and she sees that John B was there all along.

only one for me - John B x redaer

triggers: cheating bf (not our John B of course)

--

(y\n) and John B were always friends. They knew each other for such a long time, (y\n) saw him as a brother. John B, however, saw her in a different light. They were 14 when he realized that.

"I can't wait to see (y\n) today, I miss her" said the young boy with the brown hair. "do you like.. like-like her?" his blond best friend asked. "I don't think so, I just wanna hug her already, haven't seen her in a while" John B replied, and the third boy laughed. "dude, to me it sounds like you like-like her" JJ said, and Pope nodded. "I can't believe I'm saying that, but JJ is right" he said. "no guys, it's normal. I want to hug my friend, cause I miss her" John B insisted.

She finally arrived at John B's to hang out. John hugged her, like kids do, but then he realized he doesn’t want to ever let go.

She wasn't really a part of the group, but she hung out with them a lot, especially during Kie's Kook year, then it was her turn to branch out. He couldn't use the "no pogue on pogue macking" as an excuse really, but he did. He used every single one until it was too late, and she met Gabriel.

Gabriel was a Kook, but she met him at a beach party and they didn't know about the social status difference until later, when they exchanged numbers and his phone was the newest iPhone and her's a Xiaomi. Neither of them cared, at least not enough to ignore the connection, and they started dating soon after. Their friends did care, but love is stronger than anything, right? Wrong.

She was hanging out with Gabriel's friends – drinking, talking smoking and whatever. "so, Gabriel, how's Rosemary liking (y\n)? like, is she not worried (y\n\n) is a just a gold digger? Because I know (y\n\n)'s great, however…" Alice said, sipping on her cocktail. She was laying on the hammock in Gabriel's back yard next to the pool. "she hasn't met her yet" Gabriel replied, flipping the burgers for the BBQ. "oh" Alice said, smiling her devilish smile. "I'm going to, right? Tonight" (y\n) said, "we said I'm staying for dinner". "sure babe" Gabriel said, kissing his girlfriend of 3 months.

"you two are so cute, like Romeo and Juliet or Tony and Maria" Alice said, hiding her hatred towards the couple in her sweet tone. She liked Gabriel, obviously, but that was exactly the problem. "you know that it's basically the same, right? Arthur Laurents based 'west side story' off of Shakespeare's original story" (y\n) corrected Alice. "how do you know it wasn't Shakespeare who copied from Arthur?" Alice said, trying to prove her smarts but failing miserably. "because west side story's first production was after Shakespeare died" Gabriel replied, laughing, "Alice, you truly shock me with your brain". "whatever, nerds" Alice sighed, sipping on her drink once again.

"let's play 7 minutes in heaven" offered one of the guys. If (y\n)'s memory was correct, he was Don. Or was it Daniel? Or was Don the other Blond guy, and this was Ernie?

"Don, we're not 14, we don't need a game to kiss someone" said the other Blond guy, Ernie. (y\n) smiled at her small victory of remembering the names of her new circle. "I'm down" Alice smiled, "I'll make the notes" she added as she got up, and Ernie changed his mind. "yeah, ii guess it can be really fun" he said, scratching the back f his head. Alice rolled her eyes at the love-struck boy and took a notebook and a pen out of her bag to make the notes.

-2 hours later-

John B stood in his kitchen, staring at the nearly expired rice and tying to remember how to make it. With his dad away, he should probably learn how to make food, right?

A knock on the door made him smile. Hopefully it will be one of his friend who can make food, or even better – one if his friends with food. He opened the door almost too fast, the smile on his face turning to a look of worry at the sight of crying (y\n).

Before he got to ask what's going on, the red-eyed girl wrapped her hands around him and pushed her head against his shirts. He felt her tears being soaked in his shirt, and rested his hand on her back, shushing her softly. "hey" he said, hand reaching for her cheeks to both wipe away the tears and make her look at him. "hey" he repeated to remind her to turn her eyes to him. she finally looks at him.

"what happened, (y\n\n)?" he asked, "tell me what happened" he added. They stood at the door, quietly, still sort-of-hugging. She broke the hug to walk into the house and sat down on the couch. "Gabriel" she said, "he— we were at a house party, and then— we—well, one of the guys offered to play 7 minutes in heaven and I got Don and he tried to kiss me but I was like… no, cause you know, I'm dating his friend, but when he got Alice… when Gabriel and Alice went into the closet, they—" (y\n) said. John B sat down by her side, pulling her into him. she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I can't believe he kissed another girl when he has you" John B said, even though he could defiantly believe it. He never liked Gabriel, and now he had a good reason. Stealing the girl that was never really his is not a good enough reason.

"if you were my girl, I'd never do that" he said quietly, tempted to tell her she should be. "yeah, you're a great guy" she said, "I don't deserve to be your friend". "of course you do, you deserve everything" John said, "you're a great person, and you shouldn't let stupid Gilbert make you think differently". "his name is Gabriel" (y\n) corrected, "like the angel. His parents gave him the wrong name, he's no angel" she sighed. "but you are, so don't let him make you cry" John insisted, stroking her side to comfort her. She slowly calmed down, but he had to ask something. "so you two are done?" he asked. she nodded, "yeah, I dumped his ass right in front of his friends. Most of them laughed, but Alice seemed satisfied" (y\n) said. Her phone ringed.

Don (?): hey, now that you are single, wanna reclaim you're 7 minitues in heaven? 😉

John laughed at the text; both did. "this is ridicules" he said, "I mean, wow". "yeah" (y\n) said, "wanna help me reply?" she asked, biting her lip. The perfect payback. "uh, yeah?" John said, half-asking. She opened the camera and made him turn to her. Face to face. They were close, and John B found it hard to resist temptation, but turns put he doesn't need you. (y\n)'s lips locked with his for a split second, and she sent the picture to Don.

"what the fuck?" John said, a little pissed. His dream came true, but this is not how he imagined their first kiss to be. He had this whole thing planned out where he'll tell her to close her eyes because he has a surprise and then he'll kiss her. "I'm not a toy for Kooks to pass around, I'm done with those fart boys-" "you mean frat boys?" "-no, fart boys, because they stink" she said, making John B to laugh even though he wanted to be mad at her.

"just.. look, (y\n), you can't go around kissing people as pay back on your ex, I have feelings. Give me a heads up next time" he sighed. "don't be a baby, it's not like I was leading you on for a moment there, right?" she said, wiping away her tears. John looked at her, and she realized something. well, two things to be exact.

One – his eyes had a pain she recognized from the mirror she looked at on the way here to see how ugly crying made her. The pain of understanding the person you love doesn’t love you as much. Second thing was is beautiful, kind and he's always there for her. It was always him.

"I was, wasn't i? shit man" she laughed sadly, "good job, me". "it's okay, I guess. My bad for never telling you" he said. "no, I fooled myself, not you" she says. He looked at her confused. "let me make it up to you" (y\n) smiled, ignoring John's confusion. Her hand reached for his cheek to pull him as close as possible, and her lips crashed against his. He kissed back without questioning it, until he started to overthink.

"wait, are you just looking for something because of Gabriel, or is this for real?" he asked, pulling away. "for real, John B, as real as it gets. I'm kind of stupid for never seeing that you were the only one for me" (y\n) said, slightly offended. Her serious tone convinced John B, and led to understand she likes him back. Finally. He smiled and pulled her back into the kiss.  

[sugarlove12]

Hellooooo it’s meeeeee, to no one’s surprise I still haven’t recovered from given and I don’t think I ever will u can ask @queenoftheknight that literally my heart hasn’t moved on.

So like I said in previous posts I wanted to talk about it so muchhh but the words never came since I consider myself to be someone that expresses better in person than text, but I’ll try so prepare cause this shit is gonna be long.

1. THE FUCKING OPENING OMG

I’m a very critical person when it comes to openings and for some kind of reason I was like ok let’s listen to it and haha when I was reading the lyrics my heart went 💔 cause everything is so accurate to the storyline, everything fits perfectly. If u haven’t heard the complete song pls do so, it holds so much feelings. I’m gonna share with u guys some of my favorites quotes

All the things u left behind, became my everything-> WITH THIS ONE I DIED OK I WAS LIKE OH OK BAI.

Rainy, sunny, cloudy, spring, summer, fall and winter, 365 days, u remain in all of them-> THIS ONE ASDGFHJ IS THE PART WHERE YŪKI’S GHOST HUGS MAFUYU AND THEN HE HUGS TIGHTER THE GUITAR, look I can’t emphasized how much that scene hurts me.

Even if I meet u in my dreams, it’s meaningless cause u are not here-> bruh I imagine Mafuyu saying this and X_X (this is from the extended ver).

I still hear it, it's still so real, ur heartbeat, it becomes a part of me, u become me, I become u-> I think I don’t need to say any words.

2. UGETSU’S AND AKIHIKO’S RELATIONSHIP

THIS PART MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS TO THOSE WHO HAVENT READ THE MANGA

I’m a die hard fan of Haruki and Akihiko, but when I saw that scene where Ugetsu turns back to scream at Akihiko to not go and stay with him, while crying, THAT HURT SO MUCH OMG. Idk why but I could feel his pain like, he was so used to them fighting, breaking up and then getting back together, but this time was for real, that was a definite goodbye. Don’t get me wrong they were toxic as hell and even physical violence was involved cause he punched Akihiko more than once (I think, if my memory is working), but yeah I feel bad for Uge :(

3. Yūki omg this guy

I don’t know where to begin with this guy, I don’t want Natsuki sensei to draw much about him cause he’s my ship wrecker ok. Like I’m a sucker for the bad boy style and everything and he was so caring towards Mafuyu BUT YEAH THE POINT IS I DONT WANNA SEE HIM CAUSE I DONT WANNA LOVE HIM MORE AND FEEL KIND OF GUILTY FOR SHIPPING RITSUKA AND MAFUYU.

But there’s something that tickles me, like imagine a 15 year old killing himself just cause he had a huge fight with his bf, and this is a very sensitive topic but I remember when Hiiragi was talking about him, he said Yūki was a moody person so I thought what if he suffered from depression or he wasn’t emotionally stable like that would destroy the whole fandom. So yeah Yūki bby reast in peace we love u❤️

I don’t wanna offend anyone, this comes from someone who struggles with depression, so yeah kisses💕

4. Ep 9

Do I really need to explain how much damage it made to my heart, for starters I’m not emotionally stable and this episode broke the shit out of me.

All I wanna say is that I lost it when Mafuyu starts to talk to Yuki (u know what I mean) and starts reminiscing the past and ASDFGHJKL , the part when he screams AHHHH woahhhh My emotions left my body, if this platform were more safe I would show u guys pics of me that day AND THE VN I SENT MY FRIENDS OH GOD IT WAS ME SOBBING.

5. Mafuyu’s and Ritsuka’s relationship

I loveeeeee them soooo muchhhh, but there are maaaany things I wanna say and I want to see if I’m the only one who thinks like this.

There are a lot of people who say that Ritsuka is a replacement for Yūki but I don’t see that, on the contrary I think Ritsuka is the one who’s helping Mafuyu to heal, to be able to express himself, to allow himself feel whatever he wants to feel.

Now I’m not gonna lie if deep down I thought so in very specific moments. For example on the infamous ep 9 when Mafuyu is talking to Yūki while he’s singing, he says: I see u everywhere and the scene is Ritsuka turning his back and then Mafuyu sees Yūki, and at that moment I was TRIGGERED also in a manga ch Mafuyu sleeps over at Ritsuka’s and feels like crying cause Ritsuka had the same clock as Yūki, LIKE WHAT ARE THE ODDS, but yeah I don’t think he’s a replacement ok, those were just moments of doubt :)

Well I would’ve loved if the author had put more time between Yūki’s death and the beginning of the story cause idk the exact time but it was less than a year, and within months I think is SO HARD to get over ur ex who just committed suicide because of something U SAID, which also happens to be ur first love, childhood friend, someone who stood by u in so many aspects of ur life (his dad getting arrested) AND OH LET’S NOT FORGET THAT U REALIZED THAT WHAT U SAID WAS WRONG SO U CAME TO APOLOGIZE BUT OHOH TOO LATE BRO, so yeah to be able fall in love in couple of months and get over all that trauma seems a little unrealistic but I won’t fight it cause I love them lots.

Ritsuka is literally the only person that can be with Mafuyu specially in this time and circumstances, cause like I said, simultaneously as Mafuyu is developing a relationship with him,he’s also trying to 1. Move forward and get over Yūki 2. Forgive himself and Yūki, which if u ask me doing those 2 things while being in a relationship, the other person has to be very patient and we can see that with Ritsuka so that’s why I think that he’s gonna be Mafuyu’s second and last love ❤️.

Special mention to the quote on the title: can’t say goodbye, I’m still drifting with your echoes.

I hope I can see our baby Mafuyu always like this cause my god this smol boi deserves pure and entire happiness after all the shit he’s been thru

I think I got a LOT out of my chest and if u’ve made it till here thank u so much, I love u and appreciate it to the bottom of my very very small fujoshi otaku heart

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #453

“you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

What health problems run in your family? Diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, depression, cancer, a LOT more that I'm forgetting. Where did you last have sex? I have zero memory of the last time that was, so I wouldn't know. But probably a bed? How long have you known your best friend? Since we were around 8 and 11. What’s something people criticize you the most for? That I rely on the computer too much. Are spiders scary? I mean some are, but they're also extremely fascinating animals that I really enjoy observing. Cheetos. Poofy or regular? Regular, for sure. The poofy ones get stuck in your teeth SO badly. What's your favorite music genre? Heavy metal. Be honest. What are you most afraid of? Doing nothing with my life. What's your favourite type of survey to take? The ones with really random questions that you don't see in every single one. However, I don't like "random" to where the questions are just inapplicable to almost everyone. I also enjoy questions that allow me to vent about stuff I have going on. If I'm in the right mood, deep questions are great, too. What was the last topic you read about? In detail? I don't know. What shirt do you wear the most? Besides tank tops, my Cloak "equal in our bones" Day of the Dead shirt. What's your go-to order from KFC? I don't eat at KFC. Did you have hand-me-down clothes when you were growing up? Yes. What was the last song you listened to? Well, NOW I'm obsessed with Violet Orlandi's cover of "Hotel California." I keep finding new songs that I just loop for days, man, lol. I'm still not over her "The Unforgiven" cover. Did you have long hair as a young kid? I did. How many songs do you know by the band you are listening to? I'm still listening to Violet's "Hotel California" cover, which is originally by The Eagles. I obviously know this song, as well as "Heartache Tonight." Probably more, just those are the two I know and like. What podcasts do you listen to, if any? I don't listen to any. What was your most recent binge watch? Gab Smolders' playthrough of Final Fantasy X. What’s the oldest thing currently in your house? Hell, possibly my bed frame. I don't know. If you use Snapchat, do you post to your story or send individual snaps more often? I don't have one. When was the last time you rolled your eyes? At what? Not too long ago. Mom said something that really annoyed me. Do you like mozzarella sticks? No. If you had to name one of your children after a friend, solely based on their name alone, who would you choose? Probably Alon. Everything about her is beautiful, ha ha. Have you ever watched anime porn? I can confidently say I have not... Are ladybugs cute? Yes! Would you wear something made from snake skin? Fuck no. I won't wear anything that comes from an animal. Will you leave the house without fragrance on? Yeah, idc. What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done for a significant other? In art class, I made an anatomically correct heart out of clay and put it in a shadow box along with a poem as the background. I honestly really hope Jason still has it, because I worked my ass off on it. What do you think of naming your son after the father (ex. Roy Jr.): It's not my business what other parents name their kids, but for me personally, I really don't like it. Like... give your child their own identity. It also feels kinda arrogant to me? Like are you so important that you have to force your name onto your kid? Do you like Death Cab For Cutie? I only know "I Will Follow You Into the Dark," which I adore. Do walking near or past cops make you feel uncomfortable? Yes. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong somehow. Do you think stretching (or gauging) your ears is disgusting? When they get to a certain size, to me it is. Small ones are no biggie. What piercing or body modification do you think is really gross? Oh my god, those corset piercings people get on their backs. Just... no. What would you do if your bf/gf told you they were going into the army? I'd be fucking devastated, in a hypothetical relationship where we're serious. What is the nearest gas station called? Uhhhh... I forgot lol. The second-closest though, which is almost like, RIGHT beside the other one, is Sheetz. Do you think bearded dragons are cute? omg YES!!!!!!!! What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? I have no idea. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? Too many, honestly. I'm just like... always tired. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Hm. My favorite I've ever had was "Bee," which Megan called me, but I don't like others calling me that. Ever meet someone whose house has burned down spontaneously? Yes, in middle school. Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? I kinda am. I reached out to him. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Guys: shoulder blades. Girls: hips. Any friends that you’d go on a date with? Yeah. I think I want to try that with Girt and see how it goes and decide what the fuck I want. Is it cute when someone calls you babe? It's funny, I used to hate that, but now I imagine I wouldn't mind? Do you like Muse? Yeah! "Unnatural Selection" and "Psycho" are especially BANGERS. What’s your favorite flavor of jello? Strawberry. What song is stuck in your head right now? I'm bingeing the absolute fuck outta the song I mentioned earlier, ha ha. Do you have a niece or nephew? I have a lot, but only three I see regularly. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? idk What did you receive for Valentine’s Day? I think Mom got me a chocolate bar? When was the last time you went to a cemetery, and why were you there? I want to say this was many years ago when I went with Colleen to her church. Her stillborn brother was buried there. Have you ever owned a plant? What was it? I grew habaneros once, along with some sort of succulents from Colleen. What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? I saw a mink jump into the river once when I was out fishing with Dad at our favorite spot. Were you born in the state you live in? Yep. Always lived here. What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? Dog shit. Do you like to sleep? Yes and no. I like falling asleep if it's quick, because I'm all comfy, but I also dread sleep because of my nightmares. Even with my mask, they're starting to become regular again. After last night's, I am legitimately beginning to fear something is psychologically wrong with me. Like, I cried to my mom. Do you like the smell of gasoline? Ugh, no. It gives me a headache. Have you lost contact with anyone you wish you haven’t? Many people. Did you give anyone his/her first kiss? No. Should you ever have gone to the hospital but didn’t? Vice versa? No. Who do you miss the most? Jason. What do you miss the most? Being happy. What is your birthstone? Do you have any jewelry with it? Amethyst. I have a really cute guardian angel pin with one given to me by my grandmother. What is the last dream you remember having? Last night was... awful. I remember Mom and I getting in a MASSIVE fight, and also literally yelling at my late beloved dog something about crushing his head in if he didn't stop barking. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm really scared something is really wrong with me. Have you had a church confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, or something similar? Growing up Roman Catholic, I had a Confirmation ceremony. What was the last baby animal you saw? I wanna say a puppy on Facebook. A friend just got one.

[ohmyprodigalson]

Can you do a continuation of the fic with the abusive bf? And give it a happy ending maybe? Thx!!

Real life picture of me opening the prompt back up for round 2. Time for some closure!

Here's the link to the first part:

https://ohmyprodigalson.tumblr.com/post/188906497378/how-about-a-fic-where-malcolm-finds-out-that

Trigger Warning: Descriptions of mental and emotional domestic abuse. Brief descriptions of depression and low self-esteem.

---------------------------------------------------

It had been a little over a month since Malcolm confronted (Y/N) about her abusive boyfriend. She was beyond angry when she left the office that day, but like most of the things Malcolm said to her, his words stuck with her for days.

She was haunted in particular by one comment: "Abuse comes in many forms. It doesn't always have to be physical." (Y/N) hadn't ever thought about verbal abuse before. What did that really entail? There's no way a few mean words were considered abuse, so what actually was it?

Malcolm's questioning about whether or not her boyfriend's actions made her frightened also stuck with her. It tugged at the back of her mind when he was yelling at her. When she would make notes to herself not to do this again, or not to do that, Malcolm's words resurfaced from her memories.

In the meantime, her boyfriend's words were cutting deep. She began apologizing for everything, including things she had no part in. Gil accidentally stepped in a puddle at a crime scene? "I'm sorry." Dani forgot about a dinner date with her mom? "I'm sorry." JT slammed his finger in a file cabinet? Not only did she apologize, but she flinched repeatedly as he yelled in pain.

(Y/N) didn't feel good enough for anything anymore. This was nothing new, just something that had been growing since long before her conversation with Malcolm. It wasn't something noticable by the others, except for Malcolm. When Gil would tell her to go do something on her own, she would say she was going to do it like she always did, but Malcolm would notice the look in her eyes. It was one of insecurity.

Despite all of this, she didn't actually know something was wrong until she started crying. Sometimes she would cry herself to sleep, and sometimes she would cry when she was alone. (Y/N) didnt understand why she cried, she just knew that she was very sad, more so than she had ever felt before.

She was sitting in the room by herself at the precinct, surrounded by the evidence whiteboards. (Y/N) was crying again, and for the first time ever at work. She was completely lost in her tears and didn't hear the click of the door opening and closing. Malcolm slowly walked towards her and stretched out his left hand to touch her right shoulder. When he made contact, (Y/N) whipped her head around to face him, startled. "I am so sorry! I..." She furiously wiped the tears from her face and stood up, backing away from Malcolm.

"(Y/N), why are you sorry?" He kept his voice gentle. He knew exactly why she was sorry, and why she was crying. But he needed to try and lead her to those answers.

"I... I don't know, I just... I'm sorry." She honestly didn't know why she was sorry. She couldn't put her finger on it.

Malcolm closed his eyes. He had kept his hand outstretched, in a calming manner. As if he were backing her off of a mental ledge. "You have nothing to be sorry for, (Y/N)." He opened his eyes to find that she was avoiding his gaze.

His voice grew quiet and gentle again. "Why were you crying, (Y/N)?" She stared at the floor and shrugged.

"I don't know..."

"It's ok, (Y/N). You can tell me anything." He emphasized the last word as he pulled his arm closer to himself, but kept his hand up in a calming way. He tried to tilt his head downward while still looking up at her, urging her to look at him.

She truly didn't know the answers to his questions and this frustrated her. "I don't know why, I'm sorry." She started to brush past Malcolm and leave the room when he threw his arm out and caught her. She could feel the strength of his arm under his suit as he tried to hold her back.

"(Y/N)..." The way he said her name broke her. She couldn't remember the last time her name was said with such sincere concern. The tears started to fall from her eyes; eyes that had been so sad for weeks. What last bit of strength she still possessed disappeared as she cried freely, falling into Malcolm. He wrapped his other arm around her to hold her, and he was silent as she cried. He understood that she needed this moment to let all of her pain out.

After her tears ran dry, Malcolm pushed her in front of him and kept his hands on her shoulders as he tried to look into her eyes again. She still kept her eyes glued to the ground, but she somehow felt a little better. He chose his words carefully, yet pointedly so that she couldn't skirt the issue. "It's getting worse, isn't it? The way he makes you feel about yourself. How he yells at you when you've done nothing wrong."

(Y/N) didn't feel it when she softly replied, "Yes." She couldn't stop the words escaping her lips. "I just feel so worthless. I can't do anything right and I mess everything up. I feel like everyone is always mad at me and I can't fix it."

Her words broke his heart. (Y/N)'s abuse ran deep to her core. It was making her depressed and destroying her self-esteem. Malcolm couldnt fix it, but he could at least try to stop it.

"You see that your boyfriend is doing this to you, right?"

"What? How could he..."

"He's been hurting you, (Y/N), with his words, and his screaming." Malcolm chose not to use the word, 'abuse,' because she might not understand, still, that it described what she was going through.

She thought about his words for a moment before she nodded. All she could say was, "I'm just so tired."

Malcolm shook her shoulders, begging her to look him in the eyes. "I can help you. Please, let me help you."

(Y/N) finally looked into his bright blue eyes and saw concern mixed with pleading. It froze her for a moment before she blurted out her response. "Ok."

Malcolm had a plan. The apartment they were living in belonged to her boyfriend, so (Y/N) was the one who had to move out. He offered to let her keep her things at his apartment and sleep on his couch while she searched for a place to live. After some convincing, they found themselves in her boyfriend's apartment. (Y/N) was quickly gathering her things into boxes while Malcolm kept watch in front of the door, arms crossed.

Her heart was bounding out of her chest. She didn't know why, but she was terrified of being there when her now ex-boyfriend came home. Just as this thought crossed her mind, the front door opened.

A particularly unremarkable man entered the apartment. His eyes swept across the room to find boxes piled up next to a stranger with his arms folded. "What...?" His confusion turned to anger. "(Y/N)!!!"

Despite being in another room, she cowered. But Malcolm had told her that no matter what she heard, she couldn't stop packing. She was on her last box anyway. If she hurried through this, she would be out of here forever.

Malcolm stared coldly at the man before him. How could he be so cruel as to purposefully send someone into a depression? The man shook his finger at Malcolm as he exuded rage. "What are you doing in my apartment?!"

"I'm helping a friend." Malcolm was stern. He could hear (Y/N) taping up the last box, and he pulled out his phone to ask the movers he hired to start collecting the boxes. They came in and worked around the stammering man. He was so angry, he didn't know what or who to yell at first.

(Y/N) walked into the room, holding the final box in her arms. Malcolm smiled at her for reassurance. "All finished?" She nodded her head quickly.

"These boxes... You're moving out? Oh, what, you're leaving me?! Good luck finding someone to take care of you! I did it because I felt bad! Your knight in shining armor won't stick around after he gets to know you!!"

Malcolm leaned over to speak into (Y/N)'s ear. "Go ahead, I'll be out in a minute."

She kept her head down as she carried her last box out of the apartment, leaving her ex-boyfriend forever. Malcolm waited until she was out of earshot to speak.

"You will never contact her again. We collected all of her things, so you have no reason to seek her out. If I hear that you have tried to contact her in any way, I will come for you." The look in Malcolm's eyes proved his seriousness, and the man before him was actually speechless.

After all of (Y/N)'s things had been moved into a pile in Malcolm's apartment, he put some blankets and a pillow on his couch. It was late, and (Y/N) would need some rest after this long, trying day. She was standing in front of Malcolm's TV, staring at her reflection with her arms crossed and one of her hands placed in front of her mouth. (Y/N) was lost in thought.

Malcolm sidled up to her with his hands in his pockets. He looked at her face, not her reflection. "Are you ok?"

She took a deep breath before she turned to look back at him. "I will be." She smiled for only a second as she spoke. After some thought she looked at the ground and spoke. "I want to thank you for helping me." Malcolm waited for her to continue, to let her talk. "If you hadn't have spoken to me and helped me, I would be back there right now, getting yelled at and belittled. It's hard to admit, but I can't deny the nice contrast this is, being away from him."

He waited for her to finish before he reached out to pat her shoulder. "Don't mention it." There was a sparkle in his eye as he saw the beginning of a long recovery for (Y/N). "Now," he motioned towards the couch. "You should get some sleep. You deserve it."

She nodded and thanked him before sitting on the couch. Malcolm left her to her own devices as he went and sat on his bed, out of sight. He wasn't going to sleep tonight for fear of waking her with his night terrors, but at least she was safe. That's all that mattered.

And that would be all that mattered to him for a very long time. That, and her happiness.

[hows-it-holed-up]

Perfunctory Photo Recap: The O.C. 2x14

Up until now I’ve only been doing these recaps for pilots, but getting stuck watching only pilots – which are usually the absolute worst episodes – of series I love sounds pretty grim. So as of now, any iconic episodes of any show are fair game. ERGO, despite the fact that The O.C. has what I’m fairly sure is a phenomenal pilot, I’m skipping ahead to the February sweeps episode of the show’s second season: “The Rainy Day Women.” If I remember correctly, it’s extremely emotionally satisfying and I will probably spend the last 15 minutes just pressing my hand to my own sternum and sighing. 

My Disclaimer: None of these posts will be in any way comprehensive, because I’m lazy. All of them are probably going to have spoilers of some sort for the entire series…or at least what I remember of it from when I last watched it an eon ago. Exactly what you want in a recap!

California, Here We Come: Kirsten and Sandy (aka Mom and Dad) have been fighting because the former love of his life needed some PRETTY INTENSE legal help, and he jumped at the chance. Kirsten understandably doesn’t love this! Meanwhile, Summer is about to jet off to Italy for her BF Zach’s sister’s wedding, because somehow we’re still pretending like this is a thing. Plus some other stuff is going on with some other characters blah blah who cares. Welcome to The O.C., bitch!

I read somewhere that Josh Schwartz always hated this title sequence – that he could never find something he was super satisfied with and just kind of acquiesced to this. Meanwhile the rest of us are screaming the words to “California” while we head bang and strum our air guitars, every episode.

In the first big scene, we catch up with Mom and Dad, who have been struggling for a few episodes because an old flame came back into his life asking for help, and he dove in head first. 

Kirsten is not pleased. This Rebecca situation was so heartbreaking. Sandy Cohen’s whole thing is that he always does what’s right. This was one of the only times in the series it felt like he had other viable options and he was obviously misstepping. I’m with Kiki here. 

Oh hello Olivia Wilde! I forgot you were in this show! She’s insanely beautiful, obviously, but those mid-aughts pencil-thin eyebrows didn’t do anyone any favors. Not that I would know anything about this personally, of course.   

And not doing the show itself any favors 15 years out: this “Marissa is a lesbian but it’s definitely just a phase” storyline. I remember thinking it was a little gratuitous and questionable even back in ‘05. 

Speaking of questionable plots: We’ve been strung along for half a season watching Seth trying to win Summer back and her rebuffing him. And Summer’s right – it WAS pretty annoying! Seth’s still at it, heading over to her place as she’s packing for Zach’s sister’s wedding in Italy, but...not really having anything to say! (i.e. still not there to advance the plot.) 

We get a brief interlude to watch Julie Cooper think about how she could snip the tip off her husband’s penis. 

And then we’re back to the real story. Although I’d honestly rather stick with Julie because:

SANDY. NO. THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE! You cannot spend the night in a hotel room with your ex. You also cannot drink wine on the floor of said hotel room with said ex! Stop it! 

Seriously. You know what could happen. 

Anyway, Seth thinks he’s figured out how he might actually be able to move the needle with Summer. He’s bought his boat back and is going to take her...sailing in the pool? Sure! Foolproof!

I had a literature professor in college who would bring this show up in class every week, linking it to whatever we were reading at the time. He didn’t do this because he thought he was bridging some kind of gap between us and the material – only about 1/4 of the class even watched this show. He just did it because it made him happy. This “objective correlative” reference really made me think about him and chuckle.  

At the airport on her way to Italy, Summer sees a little boy playing with a horse on top of some comic books. I guess she’s like, “Even though I’m only supposed to be 17 my biological clock is already ticking,” and she ditches Zach and heads to Seth’s. 

Checking in with our other couple, Sandy has finally (sort of) come to his senses and headed home – after Rebecca straight up ran away from him because she was about to get caught by the cops. Helps when the universe just makes decisions for you, I guess!

Ehhhhh I mean it started a little! 

Anyway, they kiss, and it’s very sweet. And we’re all breathing a sigh of relief.  And we won’t sic Julie on him just yet.

Meanwhile, their son is on the roof attempting to adjust the satellite. He’s put on a Spiderman mask because it’s all he’s got to protect his head from the rain, somehow, and he’s decided the only safety precaution he needs is A ROPE TIED AROUND HIS MIDSECTION. Things, predictably, go awry. 

HOW did Seth not get literally sliced in half by this? He must have slid like 30-40 feet from the top of the roof to where he’s dangling. I have no interest in doing the calculations to verify this statement, but I’m pretty sure we’re at least looking at some internal bleeding here.  

Anyway, Summer arrives, finds Seth dangling in the back, and:

The emotional payoff for this arc, now that it’s FINALLY concluded, is excellent. And what a delightful way to anchor it for this character. 

It’s hard not to love this scene – it’s heartwarming. But with the benefit of 15 years and a rewatch, it also seems like this must have been VERY uncomfortable to film. Like apart from having to hang upside down for who knows how long, how was there not water dripping down Adam Brody’s (or more likely, this stunt person’s) nose the entire time?? Somebody call OSHA!

Musings from the Poolhouse:

- This show is disguised as a teen soap, but it’s so much more than that. Between its overarching commentary on privilege and the status quo and its own self-awareness (exemplified by winks at the audience like show-within-a-show-cum-commentary-on-itself-AND-reality-television, The Valley), The O.C. is one of the cleverest series ever to grace network television. Despite a few things not aging particularly well, it’s still a really fun experience to watch it. Except for season 3. Skip season 3. 

- Julie. Cooper. JUST. YES. YES YES YES.  

- Marissa’s face when Alex is talking to her about having to do things like take out garbage and pay rent made me LOL. 

- I may have been projecting a little bit about the kid with the horse at the airport. He was very cute. And I think my own ovaries have kicked into high gear.   

- There was an entire (C? D? E?) plot in this episode about Lindsay’s paternity and moving to Chicago and some other stuff I can’t bring myself to care about. Ben McKenzie and Shannon Lucio had like negative chemistry, so despite the show’s best efforts to make us invested in that relationship, it just wasn’t landing. I remember caring way more about her storyline with her mom, Caleb, Kirsten, even Seth. So, shrug, she’s moving to Chicago I guess! 

- Josh Schwartz is so good at music! Apart from Phantom Planet (obviously), I clocked Blind Melon, Louis XIV, Boyz II Men, Bell X1 and Matt Pond PA (covering Oasis) in this episode. A real auditory journey down memory lane. Did I miss any?

[marixpedition]

5 Risks That Gave 2019 a 180-Degree Turn

It is almost the end of the year, and here we are trying to look back at what basically happened in the year that is yet to end. I am guessing that it will either be a trip down to memory lane or a flashback of regrets. It is undeniable that we are all rooting for the former though.

2019 embodies a different personality for every person. I have scrolled through Instagram looking at people’s 2019 stories - travel, success, milestones, relationships, reconciliation, breakups, enlightenment, coffee, and more coffee. Some would say it is a year to be thankful for; some would say it is something they have to let go of. I am thinking each year boils down into two options: make or break. 

I have known people who got married this year, had their first child, graduated from college or graduate school, got back with their ex, traveled a lot this year, just got promoted at work. Others I have known of lost a family member, ended a long time relationship, got cheated on, lost an opportunity they have been waiting for so long, was rejected by a person they liked so much or friendzoned, had a friendship gap because of little things that got out of hand.

Disclaimer lang puu: ‘di ako nagbablind item or nangchichismis.

Each year that passes for us is a mathematical problem that just got solved or just left us even more puzzled than we were in this life. If I were to assess my 2019, I choose the latter. There are so many things this year that got me asking myself, “ What the heck was that?” or “What on Earth just happened?”

I am about to share to you 5 personal things that happened in my year and what I learned from them. These are not just 5 personal issues or drama or whatever you would call that, but they are “risks” I took this year that made me tell myself, “Damn, girl! Ano? Rebel ghorl?”

1. Pixie Cut

Christmas of 2018 was when I finally had a short haircut after 3 years of having a long hair, but 2018 was yet to be shaken. It was because I finally decided, middle of this year, to get a pixie after a year of push and pull conflict with myself. I was too excited to get my hair chopped real short that time and also nervous. Why was I nervous? SIZT! I was about to get the shortest length of haircut in my entire life (so far). Who knows I might sport myself a baldy some day? 

Do I consider it a risk? ENTIRELY. It was a huge risk because I was not fully confident that I will be able to pull it off after the magic of the salon blower expires. It turns out to be true. Reactions of the people I know were mixed. “Omg! You cut your hair? I love it!” “It suits you! How I wish I can do the same!” “What happened to your hair?!” “Why did you cut it?” “What are you doing with your life?” (Oo besh may ganun nagtanong, “Ano ginagawa mo sa buhay mo?”)

How did my family react to it? My brother - no comment. My mother - at first she was confused as to why I would cut my hair very short but she eventually accepted my decision. After months of having my pixie, she also got the same hairdo. Idol talaga ako ng nanay ko. ‘Di bale idol ko din naman siya. My father - he did not like it. He thought I looked like a “tomboy” in Filipino context. Jake Zyrus ganorn daw. Even my relatives from the province was not a fan of it especially the titas. I still love them, but I was on the verge of blaming the culture for what it has imposed on women with short hair and glorifying those with long ones. But I said to myself, WHATEVER. 

That is when it hit me. 

That is how it feels when you defy the norms without actually violating any rules. Cliché man pero EMPOWERED tayo mga mamshies. It was following my heart’s desire without compromising my faith and principles nor any relationship. It was a great leap for me - doing something new and beyond my comfort zone.

It reminded me of the day I put my life in the hands of the Lord. Many people would say it is very risky and scientifically unstable based on human calculations, but never in my entire life did I feel like I have done the right-est thing until I have surrendered everything to Him.

But why did I grow my hair again? P350 monthly haircut maintenance at Bench Fix Salon. Mahal, besh. Pulubi na ako.

2. 2nd Pair of Lobe and Helix Piercing

The second thing I will talk about is indeed RISKY. I admit that I have compromised few of my principles and relationships here. Example would be the promise to keep the body pure for it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means that having tattoos or cuts/wounds do not make the Lord pleased. Also, because I am an educator who is to be a role model in the academic institution, I must not have gotten a piercing that could push my students to do the same which obviously is not allowed in school.

Second best question is do I regret getting those piercings? Kind of. I am not the type of person who breaks the rules because I detest any form of hassle if it can be avoided. Now, having these piercings is so hassle when I am at work because they have to be removed then put on again at night to make sure the holes do not close.

Hassle talaga, mga besh. Wala eh. Priorities. I love my work more than my nice earrings and piercings.

Kathryn Bernardo made me get the piercings. Haaayy. I still love her though.

Do I recommend piercing? Yes, one pair only for girls. For boys, nah.

But to those who are wondering where I got them (hehe), I’ve had my first pair of lobe since I was a child. I don’t exactly remember where I got them. My second lobe piercings are from Unisilver which used an ear gun. It was more painful compared to needle piercing. My helix piercing was done by Iggy Boy Palma, a professional tattoo and piercing artist, at Whiplash Tattoo in BF Aguirre. Popular question: Which is safer and less painful? Definitely, needle piercing. I give it a 2/10 level of pain.

3. Bleaching my Hair

It was only this December that I finally decided to give my grown pixie a new look. I had the back part trimmed and gave in to the highlights club. At first, I was troubled by how it looked like after having it bleached. IT WAS SUPER LIGHT AND BRIGHT #ManokNaDilaw (yellowish orange). I got nervous because it looked bad on me, and I do not want to be called out again for another violation. So, I had the stylist layer the color with another coating which is gray.

Many people have asked how it was done. Let me share with you how simple it was. First, the stylist tied my hair in half pony tail. The loose part (untied) was the one that got bleached and colored gray. Finally, if you put the pony down, the light dye will be covered but is partially seen which is actually the idea of the style.

Was I happy about it? SUPER. I think this hairstyle is actually cool-subtle kind of rebel. It is not loud obvious, but it shows and stands out. Thank you, Pinterest.

Do I recommend it being done in a salon? Yes! Less hassle, and the stylists know better. However, if you have been coloring your own hair for years now, I guess you could do a DIY not to mention that it will be cheaper.

4. Getting Darker

What is wrong with being dark? NOTHING. But is there something wrong? Yes, many in this country believe that those who are fairer look better. Am I angry? No, but I am sad. Ganda ko kaya, char.

This year, I was blessed to have visited Boracay with my church friend. Despite it being crowded, it was a real paradise (Kala ko nga nasa abroad ako eh puro foreigners legit). The white sand was so fine just like flour. During the trip, I did bring with me sunscreen but not to make myself not get dark but to avoid sunburn. Yes. I was super ready to dive into the sea and just get all that rays on sunshine on my skin. When going on a beach trip, getting a tan is a must. I think tan looks pretty. To cut the long story short, I got darker intentionally lol.

Why is this a risk? I believe I have never been as dark as that in the past four years. After some time, our family went to our province in Quezon. Many of our relatives were like, “Ang itim mo!” “You got dark!” (Ano pa po? Keep it coming!) Well, it’s true, but what is saddening is the facial expressions that accompanied their remarks. Am I mad? Of course, not! It is a risk I do not regret at all. I do not mind getting dark as long as I get dark while on a beach trip and not here in Manila heat.

5. A New Work Responsibility

Now is some serious talk. (Kabado me sa part na ituu) What has changed this academic year for me? First, I got new additional tasks that are more challenging. Second, I am advising both students and teachers already. Third, I’m doing OTs again.

What exactly is this that I am talking about? It’s hard to explain, but let me put it this way. I used to be just an extra in a scene. Now, I am a some sort of a minor character who is tasked to help the protagonist achieve the goal and slay the enemies.

Am I happy about the opportunity? BIG YES. Is it mostly fun doing the job? No (nako nako talaga). There are more emotional heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, and sleepless nights. I have learned things in a not so easy way like how words could mean differently to the company and to the customer and how honest and transparent I must be to our clients. There were moments when I think I knew better, and it was so difficult to submit to authority. In those times, I was able to prove again that only God will remain consistent by my side. He is my constant help and supporter who encouraged me to choose what is right rather than what is convenient.

Did this opportunity put me in a better situation? Triple yes. I admit that the journey is an uphil climb. There is absolutely zero shortcuts (hirap kung hirap mga kapatid). However, God surrounded me with people who helped me mature, be graceful under pressure, control my emotions, laugh despite the hurt, and clearly see the beauty of being a teacher.

To end this post, I would like to just praise the God Almighty for His faithfulness in our lives. Getting through the 365 days is no joke. There were nights I thought of not going to work the next day because I had so many doubts and insecurities. Fortunately, I have only had one absence because I was sick. It was an ironman race to finish 2019. There were several curves and confusing directions which stressed me so much. Even though it was exhausting and tempting to give up, God pushed me to not stop moving until the end of the race (which of course I have not reached yet).

My 2019 is not as extravagant or controversially interesting as others’, but what I can say is that in those motivating experiences that happened in my year, I have earned a bigger faith in Him.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

v. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

v.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1. I am an INTP 5w6 female and I want to know how to meet new people, it didn't bother me before but I had a boyfriend.of 1.5years and I now miss having someone in my life, don't remember exactly what I wrote but I thought I had made a good choice and was really hopeful about that relationship and I tried hard to make it work but I couldn't deal with his bs anymore, I did for a while cause I thought he was worth it, I've been trying to build deeper relationships but didn't care before so imbehnd

2. My ex wasn't extremely manipulative but he lied and hid things from me and got angry when I complained when his stories made no sense, I left We knew each other for so long and I couldn't deal with him not apologizing for his bs and blaming me for what he was doing, I just couldn't justify the relationship even if I still loved him This lead me to believe my strategy was wrong since I thought I knew him and that he was more mature than that, no matter how high the filter this could happen..

3. It's just so disappointing, you know? That people can be such assholes after managing to present themselves as the opposite of that for so long I've never really had close friendships except for my ex, and a few friends (I guess?) I didn't care much for this before since I'm alright on my own, but I found that I really liked having someone, so I'm trying to meet new people now that I'm more or less healing, but idk how to do it, acquaintances used to fall in my lap before but not anymore

4. I'm 23 yo, about to get my degree. I do have a crush on a classmate but when I try to picture us going out it feels awkward and weird since I don't know him very well, I need to know people well before considering dating... I'm just very lost and I feel kind of behind from everyone else since I'm super inexperienced (only that one bf, and it was long distance...) and idk how to correct that at this point. I've been dressing better so people treat me better (haven't noticed, makes sense tho)

5. People do seem to like me well enough but I guess everyone already has their group of friends and is too busy to invite me places often enough that I become part of the core group, but I'm getting there, a bit (I think) I've been going everywhere I've been invited with my classmates lately but they don't really bring anyone new, I've managed to be a step up from acquaintance with a girl friend, which is nice, with older friends the same thing happens, even if we come across their friends...

6. I've always had a hard time fitting in very well, romantically I'd love to have someone at a similar experience level because I feel like I missed out on being a crucial relationship for the other person, but my ex had several gfs before and I didn't care too much then but now I do because afterwards certain things made me feel bad, but I guess I could manage anyway.I also get paranoid when I read what other bs some people manage to do like marrying someone but loving their bestfriend instead

7. I apologize for making it so long but I thought it'd be necessary to give a bit of info on myself and my thoughts, my age, what I've been trying etc I just wanna meet good people at this point in my life and want some tips on how to do that without taking extremely long only for them to be assholes anyways... I think I've managed to make some more acquaintances but I've only clicked with two girls I talk to outside of the classroom when we're not hanging out, gonna focus on them rn-----------------------

(very long response ahead)

I know this is not what you asked nor is it necessarily going to be helpful or relevant but: I would strongly rethink your type. Ti-doms and 5s are both vanishingly unlikely to drop seven asks worth of highly personal and emotionally open information in the inboxes of total strangers.

With regards to the actual question, this is really not an MBTI question (more on this at the end) and not entirely something I’d consider myself an expert on. I very much hope I am not the only person you can go to on this because I personally wouldn’t want me to be my only source of advice on this. With those caveats, see below.

I think Tumblr (and to be fair some forms of media) portray friendships and relationships as an attraction at first sight/immediate connection.

This is fucking stupid.

Because I tie everything back to my personal soapbox causes: this is why I have such disdain for the anti-small talk crowd, or people who think they’re special because they crave a deep, below-the-surface human connection. Nearly everyone wants deep connection. It’s normal and healthy. It’s also an ongoing process that nearly always involves some period of time during which you and the other potential friend are awkward acquaintances who don’t entirely understand each other and have to talk about surface-level things. You can’t speedrun intimacy.

This is particularly true in adulthood. Children do make friends more quickly, but also children are weird and fickle and a friendship can be based on little more than sharing crayons (not to knock that, plenty of great friendships started that way) while adults have a much better sense of who they are and also typically a much more narrow definition of who they want as a friend and all kinds of emotional baggage to boot.

Essentially, if you want a friendship that matches the depth of a relationship of 1.5 years it’s probably going to take close to 1.5 years to get there, and from what you said you’d known each other even longer before the romantic relationship, so add that time too. Which might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to manage the expectation. Basically all relationships (and by this I mean romantic or platonic) start out with little connection, and you become friends through building that connection, and you can’t really rush it.

I believe in “clicking” in the sense of there being an immediate mutual interest in getting to know each other better, but speaking practically, regardless of the initial chemistry you are still basically intrigued strangers at that point. All clicking does is provide additional motivation for that process of getting to know each other. And speaking from experience, deep friendships in the long term don’t always have an initial “click”. I’ve had relationships that were initially quite intense fade away, and others slowly grow from acquaintanceship into lasting intimate friendship even if we didn’t expect it on first meeting. The myth of clicking is confirmation bias - unless there was a serious fallout, you’ll probably forget the people who you thought you clicked with if it didn’t just work out, and conversely it’s not hard to look back through the lenses of memory and nostalgia and find a single moment when a friendship or love crystalized, even though the reality is that it was merely the tipping point after considerable energy had already been invested on both sides.

In terms of practical advice, finishing up a degree is a uniquely awkward time, especially if all your classmates are in the same boat, because there’s often a mentality of “we’re all going to leave soon, let’s stick with the friendships we have.” Others in your class may not have that motivation to make a close connection, and it sucks but it’s temporary. The good news is that the larger world doesn’t feel that way. It is a bit more difficult to make friends as an adult, just because you’re not spending time with people naturally the same way as you do in school, but meetups and clubs and social organizations all exist for this reason and are explicitly there for people who want to make friends. And again, it’s going to be a slow process. I respect that it’s frustrating having to start from what feels like square one, but it’s unavoidable.

As for dating, you don’t need to do apps if you don’t want to! But you’re right. It’s going to be comparatively inefficient. Particularly if you prefer to date people you already know socially, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort going to social things and building those acquaintanceships over time and you might need to ask someone out face to face. Inexperience is fine. Everyone has to start somewhere. The tradeoff is more that you can’t screen people as well if you’re on apps, and they can be kind of impersonal but you do get to interact with many people quickly on your own terms without having to go outside and with the luxury of being able to think up witty comebacks instead of having to chat in real time.

(I do want to counter the idea that people who use apps are any less deep or anything like that. Some people are comfortable with casual hookups and some aren’t, but many people use apps to set up a date first and see if they have enough of an interest to keep things going. As with all of the above, everything has to start somewhere and if you think of the app as a way to facilitate meeting people, rather than “I must make a romantic connection with this person tonight”, and steer towards dating vs. hookup apps/make it clear you’re looking for long-term relationships, you might have more luck. The point of the first date for most people isn’t to find a partner, though sometimes that happens; it’s to find someone you enjoy enough to go on a second date with and slowly get to know).

One final thought: all this advice applies universally but I actually think considering it in the context of MBTI is more harmful than helpful, or at best misleading. For example, you say that being a 5 you take too long to check if people are safe, which whether or not you actually are a 5 also has absolutely nothing to do with being a 5, and even if you are a 5 and this is a 5 thing, you’re aware of this behavior! You can stop doing that then! MBTI is not destiny!

Regardless of type, no one automatically knows what to say in every situation, no one can read minds, and no one has discovered the secret to always being liked and never being rejected. Type can convey talent or inclination but skill requires time. Extroverts are often better with people because they have to be - they aren’t as okay with just being alone, especially when younger, so they go out and deal with people and through that process learn to make friends. But they weren’t born with it. Sites that favor introverts and/or intuitives are terrible for a lot of reasons but I find they perpetuate the ideas I disagreed with above, that friendships for introverts and intuitives must always be with people who Click and Already Get It. This is wrong and it’s limiting. Obviously don’t pursue a friendship or relationship if you don’t like the person, but don’t write someone off just because you didn’t feel a magical spark right away. That’s not being deep and sensitive - that’s being closed off to new experiences. Anything worth doing involves real-world effort and some amount of risk, and usually it involves patience and time and awkwardness and uncertainty as well.

[6ad6ro]

um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

[hcyjudc]

Alguien denme alguno de estos plot’s, plsss :( (ACTUALIZADA)

UPDATE:

i REALLY want a plot where muse a and muse b are childhood best friends and completely LOVE adventure. and while they’ve traveled around for awhile now, everything has felt so planned. one of them said sarcastically “maybe we should just put up a map, throw a dart at it, and go to wherever it lands tonight.” and so that’s what they start doing. they start basing their travels completely by chance, going to little small towns and meeting locals and learning all about the little hidden treasures that the country has to offer. along the way on their adventures, they start thinking… i think i’d be happy adventuring with them for the rest of my life !!! give me a love confession in a random small town coffee shop, kissing on some cold beach, spending christmas at a little bed and breakfast, just !!! cute adventuring couple !!! 

“ so… how do you feel about another baby… ? “ au’s

single parents falling for the nanny/teacher/children’s doctor…

pregnancy plots are always a good idea – trying for the baby, telling the news to each other and/or relatives/friends, first doctor’s appointment, “i don’t fit into my favorite jeans anymore, i look like a whale “ vs. “ what are you talking about, you’re beautiful “, “ what if we aren’t good parents ??? “ - scares and insecurities, babyshowers, shopping for baby clothes, going into labor, returning home with the newborn…

first/second/third… birthday party of our child but damn you look so good in that dress, ‘ what do you mean not now, my family’s in the other room ‘, ‘ maybe it’s time to try for another baby…….. ‘ 

“we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU

you know what i want???? a young married couple (20-22 years old) that pretty much used to be fuck buddies for a while and then she got pregnant and they got married bc it felt like it was the ‘right thing to do’ but none of them were really ready for the commitment. and now he’s realizing how much stuff he’s been missing out on and he just wants to live his life and go out with his friends and be with a bunch of girls but instead he has to stay home with his wife and his kid and it’s just all too much so they get into this big fight and she’s like ‘BUT I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!’ and that only scares him even more so he leaves and they basically live their separate lives for a few months until he’s at a club and he sees her with some other guy and it’s like fUck nO!! and everything comes back to him, all their memories && everything and holy shit he might be in love with her too?? and so he makes it his goal to get her back but he broke her heart so it won’t be eaSY??? pls gimme

muse a is moving into their new apartment. muse b is going to be their neighbor. they used to fuck buddies back in college, and are still the best sex the other has ever had, and have no idea they are about to live right next to each other.

my friend set me up on a blind date and i can’t really refuse because they think i’ve been single for ages so they think they’re doing me a favour and we have a massive fight about it that ends with us saying “i love you” for the first time.

we made the mutual decision to go to this party separately and when i arrived there was this asshole flirting with you and i’m trying not to make it obvious i’m seething with jealousy but it’s really difficult.

give me a “we’re best friends with benefits but my pals always give me shit for not dating anyone, will you pretend to be my bf/gf for a while?? and then we can have a v intense break up // argument in front of everyone one day to make it seem somewhat real, ok cool thanks you’re a true pal, let’s bang it out && now it’s been a couple of months but we still haven’t ended things but here we are, dancing in my kitchen and you look really fucking perfect, holy shit — i don’t love you, i don’t love you, i don’t love you && you end up taking me out to a v fancy restaurant and basically, we do all the things couples do and is it bad that i actually consider you home instead of my own fucking apartment?? && oh, you’re cuddling me in your sleep, that’s new and i think i heard you tell me you love me in your sleep?? no, i’m just dreaming, aren’t i?? && holy shit, we still haven’t broken up but you’re watching a movie and i’m watching you and all i can think about is how pretty your face looks and how much of a wonderful person you are, it’s not even about the sex anymore — fuck, i’m in love with you, aren’t i??” plot yes ok

I want exes finding out they’re having children together.

END OF THE UPDATE:

are roommates and are falling for each other.

muse a always had a crush on muse b, now muse b has feelings for them too.

the classic fake boyfriend/girlfriend plot! muse a has a strict, traditional family in the countryside that is dying to see muse a with a significant other. so, in order to make their family happy, they ask muse b to pretend to be their boyfriend/girlfriend for the weekend. bonus: they are actually attracted to each other and don’t really have to pretend. 

you snorted coke off my tits and fucked me in the bathroom at a party last weekend and here I am … sitting in the front row of your classroom on the first day of your course …

muse a was pregnant and never told muse b. they’ve run into each other.

we can barely pay for electricity, how are we gonna support a BABY ?

Muse A is a single parent of a very young child, just getting back out there and dating because it’s terribly lonely sometimes. They’re out at a bar and meet Muse B, who’s got a reputation for being a heartbreaker. One thing leads to another and Muse A invites Muse B home for a one-night stand.That morning, Muse B awakens to Muse A’s very small child sitting on their chest, asking if they are their new parent.

¨i still have your phone number memorized even though i haven’t called you since we split and somehow i remembered it even though i’ve had like six shots of bourbon and hey, i know you’re pissed that you’re here at this dingy club at 3 in the morning to pick my drunk ass up, but you have to admit that’s pretty impressive¨ AU 

“yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU 

“look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU 

“i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” 

“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

[sufjournal]

Draft: The one that got away

Journal - yet to be characterised and storied for anonymity I have rewritten this a few times - there’s so many thoughts/feelings i’d like to get on paper but this is the pragmatic summary that i’ve settled for. After an accidental but memorable hook up several weeks ago, I kept in touch with this person I barely knew. I’d found myself in a daily dialogue with someone with whom I had no interest in befriending beyond a certain level (another story for this blog). I am still managing my depression and have carefully chosen the small circle of friends who I give my very limited time, energy and love. After the hook up I was being my usual nice person but this girl was very eager to actually get to know me and the more I casually revealed about myself, the more I could sense she was growing a liking. It was at this point I was reminded that I have a real value proposition - i’m a conscious, kind and smart guy who’s wired to seek growth in life. I have aspirations, am cultured and look after my family. All my friends tell me i’m an absolute charm and i’ve had no difficulty in initially impressing someone - my struggle was always in finding a person that could nurture me in return. I have since radically distanced from this person and I realised that empty sex is far the last thing I want to be doing.. I need to find my heart and soul a home which I can settle into and leverage for my recovery. I needed to get back out there and I finally did it - I signed up to a few dating apps. I had a friend help me pick out the best pics of me (I had a different set in mind) and the app remembered my profile description from ~14 months back, just needed a few tweaks and I was good to go. First day I got talking to a few girls but I instantly realised that I am not the person that i’m trying to sell, my mound is wound with anxieties and my exhaustion for everything in life, onset by the depression, has dwindled my value proposition to barely anything that it was. I am no longer that gym rat who tutored on weekends and worked on cars, cooked meals for home, went on long hikes - i’d even dropped the yoga. I matched a a variety of girls all of whom had a unique appeal to, the prospect of getting to know them and filtering them through my lenses of compatibility (personal/family/culture) There was this one girl though - who brought a different energy with her and really caught my attention that night. I recognised this energy, it was pure and authentic. Instantly I thought that this is a very sweet girl that I have no business entertaining - she was clearly on her own journey, falling in love with herself and the life she’s been blessed with. We spoke for a few hours; we recognised one anothers energy, humour and vibes. She was the awesome badass woman for me, we were building a promising proposition of love, laughter and cuddles. It was the kiss of life, to the depleted heart I carried with me. By the second day I told myself to slow it down, despite not having felt like this in such a magnitude before, I realised that I needed to present the real me, my family and the point of life i’m at. What I didn’t ever think in a million years was how openly she’d accept it all and was ready to stand by my side as we built something special together with nuclear synergy. The love was contagious.. she’d tell me about her aspirations of opening her own pre-school, how she reads her ‘laila’ when she’s sad (she said it the way my mum does, this was so powerful), she paid for her mum’s umrah (instantly made me think of how I failed to pay for my parents’ Hajj the prior year - I realised this was my second opportunity - to one day take her and her mum to Hajj) and I couldn’t stop playing back the vision of her ideal dream with me - brunch/afternoon tea with a nice walk and a cosied up intimate conversation. She had such a love for family, something I do too deep down but she manifested it in a way that i’ve never seen before. Her motivation to love her family was intoxicating and it really got me thinking about all the ways i’d like to retry connecting with my family. She was the girl i’d want to pray with one my wedding night - I’ve loved and hurt many times before and I knew this was different/special/worth holding onto. Whilst this all sounds like a fairy tale, what I cannot articulate is that despite not being a Dr or not being into gym didn’t cross my mind. it was the purity and genuineness of this girl that made me realise that love, chemistry and vibe is what the soul needs, not some crazy competence or intelligence. We joked, loved and connected. Her smile radiated in her snaps, her happiness was infectious and her eyes showed the strength of her soul. It was clear it was an aged soul, one that came out victorious against the battle of life and she had chosen love. She is going to be the mother of some loved and cherished hearts and I could have been the one to educate those kids about the world. It would have been perfect ! I realised that whilst we would be perfect and happy together. I know I have the capacity to love someone purely, i’ve done it before on countless occasions - i’ve touched souls and changed whole life trajectories but i’ve rarely ever had any positive experience for myself. I have one bruised egg left and it can only go in one basket - I told myself to be careful putting it in this one as it was still extremely early on but I had this puppy love excitement that you don’t want to shake off. Day 3 we realised a huge conflict of interest - a childhood best-friend that i’d dated before (will be journaled here in due time). A young and innocent relationship - between 17 - 19, it lasted about a year an a few months before I broke it off. We got back together once 6m later but didn’t last long at all. It was a sufficient relationship to call it young love, we traveled London together, I told her about my aspirations for life and the journey I’m on, we went to reading festival, enjoyed long road trips and just overall good vibes. She however wasn’t the one for me and I knew that, we came from different backgrounds and I knew that once she’d moved away to uni, it would bring our relationship to an organic end. What’s tragic is that she is the worst personality to be on the receiving end of news that her sister in law’s younger sister has fallen in love with her high school bf. Notorious for connivery and capacity to be cruel, it was obvious that if this beautiful relationship were to naturally blossom and thrive, it wouldn’t be long before the ex we do not ever speak of - caught wind and would probably make it her life mission to jinx and bewitch the most evilest of eyes over us and the family. This really broke my heart - that relationship was an isolated instance of teenage memories since which i’ve evolved 3 times over. I would like to genuinely hope that it was the same the other way around but I really don’t know and I don’t think I want to put my love through a lifetime of potential torture. I really don’t know if a royal pardon would even suffice. We realised this on the evening of day 3 and it cut me to shreds. We agreed we wouldn’t let it dampen the vibes, I then made one of the biggest mistake i’d ever made, there was so much momentum to my falling that by the next morning I was thinking of ways i’d tell my mum and all the ways I could support this girl on a lifelong journey of companionship and happiness.  I was sending cute texts at 5am when I woke up and knew that there was someone out there who was making me whole again, giving me another fresh go at life. I should have kept my mind shut but the excitement and distraction from the depression was intoxicating. This was day 4 - it was the fell for and lost one of the most beautiful women i’ve ever come across. Day 4 ended with a horrible heartbreak when we both realised that it was genuinely too problematic to pursue this, twin tracked with the depression that was looming over me during this holiday break, it brought me to my knees. I cried, I hurt and I mourned the loss of something special. This felt like the biggest break/hope in 2 years of my gradual decline but its turned out to be the thousandth cut. it hit me hard and I hurt a lot - what’s worse was that the next day was a tough day for her and her family and I really wanted to be there for her. I was excited to show my first gesture of love by supporting her through this day. Day 5 instead consisted of me waking in the morning, missing her dearly, wishing she were with me. I was fighting off the sharpest pain in my heart and naval. It was the pain of heartbreak. Realised that I desperately needed picking up before I started work (day 7) - I sought to busy myself with a productive day and grief this loss in whatever way came naturally. I cleaned, cooked, did some DIY repairs, yoga, worked out and re-organised my room. I then sat down with a book, prayed and now i’m here writing this journal. Throughout the day, I couldn’t help replaying the same things in my mind - why did I fall for her so hard, why am I in such heartbreak, why have I gone to the lengths to write this and is there any light at the end of this tunnel. I know for a fact that if she wanted to still try pursue something, I would vow that this is the basket I put my last egg in and should it break, I will be there to take responsibility, protect and support her and make sure that the glass always remains half full. Realistically we may never get back together - i’m not worth the detriment of her sister and I accept that. I would be willing to do anything I could do liaise with concerned stakeholder sand resolve an amicable agreement/blessing for us to be happy together without something coming back to haunt us. Reflecting on my history with the person in question hugely throws this into doubt especially if she can’t handle the fact that i’ve found love elsewhere. This heartbreak is so real that this journal simply does not do it justice. Instead I hope that this journal will allow me to make peace with the one that got away - despite not having memories - we had vibes and feelings and so this emotional rollercoaster had a high that I never want to forget.