#The closest we got was the J series but they changed it for some reason..

[w0rldsbiggest-winner]

If they do decide to animate World youth, I hope they make the wakashimazu departure scene 10x more dramatic.

[todayisafridaynight]

About Judgment: In short, I think RGGS was intending to continue the series. There were indeed rumors at one point that the series would end at Lost Judgment due to a disagreement with Kimura's agency, Johnny & Associates, about porting the games to PC--I'm unclear on why, there was speculation but I don't think it was ever stated. Obviously the PC ports are out now, so either that wasn't the issue or they moved past it. There's also just general disbelief around there being a third entry simply because there's this idea (joke?) that Kimura never does three of anything, which isn't true at this point. It is true RGGS historically hasn't done three of anything in terms of spinoff series (Kurohyou, Mobile+Kizuna, and arguably Kenzan+Ishin), but it's also true that none of their past spinoffs have been as successful as Judgment, and we're seeing a lot of "firsts" from the studio lately. The fact is that Yokoyama himself said something along the lines of "and of course, we won't forget about Judgment" (not literally, just the closest English expression I can think of that can be misinterpreted in the way I'm about to explain) while talking about future works. But for some reason, people took it as if he meant it "in mourning" rather than an obvious confirmation of more to come, I guess? A TV show was also announced, so I really don't get why they'd invest so much into a series they were going to end. I know Kurohyou got a show too, but this seems different. Anyway, that's the most recent information, but it's from some years ago. There is a major new development, however: J&A talents' contracts are being cancelled left and right as of the last couple of months due to the agency's dogshit handling of and response to an investigation into Johnny Kitagawa's serial abuse of allegedly hundreds of his talents. That's been going on since the man died in 2019, basically, but a lot's happened this year.

This has left the talents with the incredibly tough decision of either remaining at an agency that refuses to even change its name and is rapidly breaking down or leaving. It has historically been very difficult to do the latter. On top of what you'd expect, J&A controls their talents to an insane degree and has leveraged their control of the media to suppress the careers of those who leave.

Broadly, in terms of how media companies have responded so far, I understand not wanting to associate with J&A and that J&A would likely benefit from the contracts more than the talents, but it still feels like the talents are the ones being punished... I have to imagine at least some of them were victims, so to be victims of the blacklist on top of that... That, and some of these companies kept the truth from coming out for decades.

With J&A losing its foothold in the media, though, there may be no better time than now to leave the agency. I don't know if Kimura will--rumors have been circulating ever since his idol group were forced to break up years and years ago, but while they all went independent, he never has--especially because a lot of seniors like him feel a responsibility to stay and change the agency for the better. As of right now, I'm not aware of Kimura's contracts getting cancelled, so I can't say one way or another if that'd have an effect.

I don't know what happens from here. I'm not sure if RGGS will look at it as collaborating with J&A or with Kimura or both, and how they'll factor in what's going on right now into working with him. Hypothetically, it would be possible to continue the series even without Kimura (any of the other mains do or would make great protagonists), but at the same time, Judgment is hugely reliant on Kimura's charisma. That's why people who play the dub (or people who don't like Kimura) often come away with the impression Yagami's kind of a dick or doesn't stand out much.

So... that's the state of Judgment right now. We won't know until we know, I guess.

OHHHHH OK saucy... sucks about J&A- it'd be cool if yk. they could face the consequences of their actions LMAO but that Could involve displacing hella workers now wouldnt it

[luvmmarner]

That One Trip To Disney - Bo Horvat

Summary: When the New York Islanders lost in the playoffs. As promised you decided to take the kids to Disney World.

TAGLIST: @bolts-nation @j-drysdale @mysticaldonkey @ryeriy

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

TW: Slight Smut, mostly fluff.

Part of Bo’s family series. If you liked this post consider joining my TAGLIST?

–

You and Bo have been talking about taking the kids to Disney World for quite some time, but for some reason, you've never gotten around to actually making the plans. The interviews and all of the turmoil caused by the fans consumed half of his time.

As time went on and the number of interviews decreased, you were finally able to purchase tickets and organize everything else. Even though everything was guaranteed to cost ten times more when you got there, you still wanted to make this experience as memorable as possible for the children.

"Are you sure about this? It's like $1000 for the closest hotel. Why don't you just go with the kids by yourself? I can stay home. It will save you money." You sighed. You hated it when things were so expensive, especially if you weren't the one paying.

“You're my wife and no matter how expensive it’ll be. You’re coming with us. I want to create even more memories with the kids and you.” He whispered while giving you a hug and head kisses.

It was impossible not to break into a smile. His words were sufficient to persuade you that he did not care about money and that all he wanted to do was spend time with you.

"Are you guys excited!" You inquired while softly massaging the top of Jack's head, who is your youngest child. They all spoke at once saying "YEAH!" making you giggle. They were so adorable.

After settling into your seat on the plane, you laid your head against Bo as the plane prepared to take off. You couldn't have asked for anything more to make you happy; you had wonderful, well-behaved children and the most loving husband in the world.

As the plane landed, you wasted no time ordering a taxi to your hotel so that you could get settled in. The kids were tired and it was way past their bedtime. Because they were so exhausted, Jack and Charles were unable to walk properly without closing their eyes, so Bo carried them in his arms the entire way. However, Hailey was able to walk and you let out a giggle as she found herself awestruck by everything that was decorated in the hotel lobby. 

You put the kids in their shared beds. Before you too also got ready for bed. You brushed your teeth and was about to get changed into comfortable clothes, but as you were about to put on your shirt and shorts. Bo's hands immediately wrapped around your waist, your back immediately hitting the cold marble counter of the sink as he pushed you lightly against it. “We can’t the kids…” He hummed not caring or listening. He started to kiss your neck, and you tried to stop the groan from escaping your mouth as he traveled further down. His fingers found the way to your core. As he wasted no time in burying his finger in the dampness. Immediately he found your most sensitive spot you whimpered as the pleasure grew. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked biting on your bottom lip. “No” You gasped out as his finger's pace quickened inside of you. His other hand found your hair as he raked through it before tugging on it lightly. You were so close so so so so close and he knew it by the way you were clenching around his fingers. You were right there and now it was impossible to control your moans. Your lips parted letting out a series of moans. He hissed loudly a warning that you were being too loud. You couldn’t stop yourself though and he seemed to notice that because his lips found yours again. No matter how many times you kissed Bo. You would never get used to the warmth of his mouth and the way it made your body feel like it was on fire. You moaned in his mouth before breaking the kiss to nuzzle your face into his neck. “Cum for me angel.”

You were just about to cum before a cry followed by a voice grabbed your attention. “Mommy?” Jack cried from the bedroom. You were a mess – sweat was dripping on you and your hair was messy from it being tugged on. You picked the clothes you had arranged to wear for bed and swiftly put them on. You didn’t care to clean yourself up as you made your way to your kid.

“Yes, baby! I’m here what’s wrong.” You comforted him rubbing his back in circles.

“I had a- a nightmare..” he cried as you held him gently scratching his back and arms. “Shh baby it’s ok. It wasn’t real. I’m right here baby. Don’t worry mommy will protect you.” You explained to him. It didn’t even take a few minutes before he was fast asleep again snoring quietly into your shoulder. You placed him back into bed making sure to tuck him in.

You headed to your bed. You were exhausted you weren’t even able to cum and instead were denied because your son had a silly nightmare. After rearranging the covers on the bed, you crawled in and wrapped yourself in their coziness as you sank further into the warm embrace of the bedding. Bo soon joined you in the bed after spending a while in the bathroom. Only you knew what he was doing that lucky bastard. He wrapped his arms around you which you gladly accepted. You closed your eyes as sleep consumed you.

–

As soon as morning dawned the kids were all hyper managing to wake up before you. You were roused from your sleep by the sound of them calling your name You mumbled a few words before opening your eyes. As you did so, the sunlight immediately hit your eyes, causing you to groan and want to go back to sleep. You grabbed your clothes and threw them on as fast as you could. The kids were able to choose clothing from a selection of clothes that Bo picked out for them. As a result of waking up early, he was already dressed for the day. For the love of God, he probably got the kids to wake you up. 

You managed to get out of the house not long after, it was hard to convince the kids to eat breakfast. As their excitement made them all hyper, but with the promise of hot dogs and some candy they agreed to eat breakfast. 

You took the kids to see Mickey Mouse first as Hailey insisted. The faces of pure happiness on your kid's face made every dime worth it. Bo took Charles on some rides and then to see Olaf and Elsa. You got the kids some candy as you promised and matching hats which were adorable. Jack even got the courage to ask Cinderella to be his princess. Which made you giggle and melt again.

“Mom! Did you see that? I asked Cinderella to be my princess.” You giggled, he was so cute. 

“Yes, I did what did she say, baby.” You played along.

“She said yes mommy!” He shrieked jumping up and down in excitement. 

You smiled at ‘Cinderella’ mouthing a small ‘thank you’ Before taking Jack to where he wanted next. Which was some superhero one being his favorite spiderman. Hailey wasn't thrilled about going to see the superheroes, as she only liked spiderman and that was understandable at her age. You then met up again with Bo who took Charles on some quick rides since he was the only one that wanted to do that.

You suggested taking a photo in front of the castle which they were more than happy to do so. You asked a stranger to take the photo as Bo made sure everything was right before the stranger took the photo. You joined them as the stranger said to you “I got a few. Your family is so cute and very adorable.” You said thank you Bo gave you a kiss on the side of your head as you scrolled through the photos. All the photos were adorable, especially the one with Charles on his shoulders. 

You really did grow up to have the adorable family you had always fantasized about. You appreciated everything. You accomplished everything you ever wanted to accomplish, which was to have a husband and children who loved you very much.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Love Is A Curse | T.M Spider-Man Series P.2 (read content warnings & notes⚠️)

Series Masterlist | Marvel Masterlist

Characters & Pairings: Tobey!Peter Parker x female!reader/ Black Cat (eventual romantic), tobey!peter x Mary Jane Watson (only for S1), Harry Osborn, Gwen Stacy, Eddie Brock, Norman Osborn, Otto Octavius, J. Jonah Jameson (pretty much every character from the Raimi trilogy)

Content Warnings: major angst, serious implications of SA (not explicit or detailed), aftermath of SA, descriptions of panic attack, blood, mentions of violence, profanity | female reader (she/her) | roughly 1k words, read with caution

Premise: What started as a great day, ended with lives changed forever. For one, she vowed revenge. And she couldn’t wait for how sweet it would taste.

Note: please read with caution, especially if you are someone you know is a survivor of SA. As someone who just graduated from college not even a year ago and was part of an organization to end SA on college campuses, I want anyone who has experienced a traumatic event such as SA to remember help is out there. Don’t be afraid to speak up, because the only way we are going to lower the percentage of dating, domestic, and sexual violence on college campuses is by using our voice to report and raise awareness. You are not alone, and will never be alone. ♥️

I am not going into detail at all by writing a scene because I’m not comfortable with that—I’m only writing the aftermath which implies it took place. In the comics, Felicia Hardy/Black Cat goes through this and it leads to her adopting the Black Cat persona in her storyline, so I wanted to do the same for Y/n. However I wanted to make it to where the reason Y/n ends up taking the murder/revenge route is because she didn’t get the justice through the system. Which unfortunately is a common reality of these cases. This chapter is pretty short, again read with caution.

I will tag those who are part of the masterlist tags for chapter updates, but again please read the content warnings & notes before you do read.

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Y/n had been standing in front of the bathroom mirror of her dorm for hours. Her reflection painted a thousand words. If a doctor or cop were to walk through the door, it wouldn’t take them much to piece it together. Torn clothes, bloodied face, and bruises in an array of colors. Y/n couldn’t even recognize herself—the girl staring back at her was not the same girl from that morning.

Ticking away was the clock—the only sound to fill the silent void. It read 3am, the Devils hour some liked to call.

Nothing good ever happens at night.

That’s why they tell you to always watch yourself—look for red flags. Get home, be safe, stay alert for anything.

But sometimes those who hurt you the most are the ones closest to you.

Y/n never saw it coming. How could she? They hadn’t been dating that long, barely would consider themselves a couple and both were so busy with other things they hardly got time to see each other. Maybe on average twice a week would they have free time to have dinner or catch a movie.

This night was different.

Y/n felt the shift in the atmosphere not long after he had entered her dorm. His movements sparked alarm along with the way he was looking at her. Any excuse to get him to leave came to her mind like ‘I have class early tomorrow, maybe we should meet up at a later date,’ or, ‘I’m getting pretty tired, I think you should go now.’ But they were to no avail.

Y/n pretty much disassociated after that. Felt like she had an out of body experience where she wasn’t truly there. It was the only way to get through it. Her roommate was gone for the night, and anyone who passed by more than likely had the bystander effect.

Which meant they did nothing. Even if they heard something wrong.

Now here she was staring at the broken girl in the mirror. No words had left her even after he left. The second he did all Y/n did was limp to the bathroom and lean on the sink to keep her up.

She had a choice now. One that would determine the trajectory of how the aftermath would play out. All Y/n had in terms of first aid supplies were a few bandages and hydrogen peroxide. That wouldn’t do much to what ever internal injuries she might have.

Y/n finally felt the cracks beginning to break as she tried to keep it together. But a human could only take so much.

Her knees finally gave out as the first wave of cries made their way through her mouth. A hand came up to muffle them as she lowered down until her back met the edge of the tub. Blood mixed with tears and saliva. Y/n felt like the porcelain doll being shattered against a wall.

‘Why? Why? Why? Why me?’ Her mind repeated over and over. The cries were a waterfall, never ending as the pain and anguish took over Y/n.

Her mind, body, and soul felt broken. And it would never be the same again.

The free hand that had been to her side came up to tangle in her hair. Gripping it hard, Y/n felt strands pull out until several wrapped around her fingers. That’s when her fingers started to tremble and her breathing became fast.

That’s when she started becoming scared—feeling her airway constrict against the waves of her cries. Her brain was telling her to calm down, but her body was filled with a sensation she couldn’t describe. The trembling in her hands which felt like stinging turned numb.

‘Stop—stop,’ she kept thinking as her heart pounded against her chest. ‘No-no-no please, no’

Everything hurt. Everything was a blur. Y/n didn’t know what to do as she laid on the floor of her bathroom willing her mind and body to calm down so she could breath. A dizziness sensation had her leaning her head against the edge of the rub, blinking repeatedly until she let her eyes fluttered shut.

‘Think, Y/n—think of dad—of mom,’ she ordered herself. ‘Think of ice skating during Christmas’

The memory started to replay the moment the words entered her mind. It was one of the only Christmases where her dad was there—after he had went to prison the first time. Y/n was eight going on nine and had always wanted to go ice skating where the big Christmas tree was at. Her mom had always told her ‘we’ll go next year’ when she started asking at the age of five. Her dad surprised her that year, taking her without her mother knowing and the two spent hours at the rink. ‘Careful, Y/n’ he laughed when she almost slipped, holding onto her hand tightly. Her face was red from laughing so much, on top of a sore bottom from falling several times. But it was the best moment of her life.

And it was one of the happiest memories she had of her dad.

Just thinking about that night had Y/ns breathing slow until eventually she found a constant pace. The numbing eased away, the tears coming to a end. The dizziness was gone and she could feel the air flow though her—no longer constricted.

She knew what she had to do. If she was going to make sure he couldn’t hurt her or anyone else again, then she had to do something about it. The feeling of shame and guilt was replaced by anger.

Love. That’s what he tried saying when it was over. That he loved her. His pathetic excuse for violating her—for breaking her mind, body, and soul.

Monsters can’t love. And neither do they deserve it. It’s greed and power they desire, and use love as their scapegoat to gain it.

‘Love is a curse,’ Y/n thought as her bruised jaw clenched, ignoring the pain from the movement. Darkness filled her eyes, muting out the normal Y/E/C they bore. ‘Love is a curse, and I’m going to make sure he knows that.’

Getting to her feet, Y/n grunted at the pain in her ribs as she limped back into her bedroom. With shaky hands, feeling conflicted for a moment, Y/n picked up the receiver of the landline—her thumb moving to dial a certain three-digit number. With one last push of courage, Y/n hit the call button and placed the receiver to her ear.

Her breath hit the end of it. It was wavered and matched the pounding of her heart as the nerves in her raised again. But she was focused, determined, and anger fueled her. There was no way she would not get justice. That fucker would not have the last laugh.

“Nine-one-one, what is the nature of your emergency.”

Y/n caught her reflection in the mirror hanging behind her bedroom wall. It was now or never. She’ll go the justice system route, praying to God they will do something.

But if they fail her, his fate will lie in her hands.

“I need to report a rape.”

…………………………..

Tag list: @todaywasafairytale07, @r0bynsblogins, @edgycatx, @andrewgarfieldsloml, @fuck-goes-on

[thatonerandomfan4]

Madness Combat: Just Bros Being Dudes

AO3 Link:

(Hhh This Took A Long Ass While Lmao)

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Fandom: Madness Combat

Characters: Deimos, Sanford, Hank (Briefly), Jebus (Briefly), Tricky (Briefly)

Platonic Or Romantic?: Romantic Sanmos

Summary: Just A Normal Saturday In Nevada For The Boyfriends, Sanford And Deimos. They Also Share Their First Kiss With The Help Of Hank And Tricky Thanks To A Text Message. Also Deimos Makes A Lot Of Jokes, If You Know Them Then Congrats. :) If Not, That's Ok.

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The Sound Of The Alarm Clock Went Off At 8:00 AM, Causing Deimos To Wake Up From His Slumber. He Sat Up From The Sleeping Position He Was In And Yawned While Stretching Before Hitting The Snooze Button And Rubbing His Eyes. Looking Over To His Side, He Noticed Sanford Was Absent From His Side Of The Bed. It Was Cold, So He Had Been Probably Gone For A While Now. It Was Done Nicely Compared To The Smaller Man's Side Of The Bed, Which Was Very Messy.

Deimos Knew San Liked To Wake Up An Hour Or Two Earlier Than Him All The Time. He Did That Even If They Weren’t Being Bothered By The L33t / A.A.H.W (Agency Against Hank Wimbleton) Groups Anymore. Deimos Slipped On The Closest Pair Of Slippers He Had By The Bed And Headed Toward The Kitchen. There He Heard Pans Being Set Down On The Stove Or In The Sink To Be Washed Later And Bacon Sizzling In A Pan.

Sanford Was At The Stove Making Breakfast While Whistling One Of Their Favorite Songs. That Favorite Song Happened To Be Poker Face By Lady Gaga, Deimos Would Always Sing And Dance Happily To It While Sanford Watched And Laughed During Their Breaks In Between Missions. Deimos Instantly Smiled At The Sight Of His Boyfriend Being In A Good Mood On A Morning. Everyone Knew Sanford Wasn't Much Of A Morning Person, He Was Only Cheerful When He Knew He Was Going To Have A Good Day.

It Always Was Fun Going On Missions Together And Then Getting To Relax With Each Other Afterwards. They Loved To Chat And Goof Off With Each Other All The Time. The Smaller Man Quietly Shuffled Into The Kitchen Being Careful Not To Distract The Man Cooking And Sat Down In A Chair. Ford Smiled And Flipped The Pancakes In The Pan. San Turned Around To See His Beloved Boyfriend Sitting At The Table.

Sanford, Smug: “Enjoying The View, Dee?’

Deimos, Jumping In Surprise And Hiding His Face In Embarrassment: “U-Uh What? Yeah, I Like Roses. I Mean What-”

Sanford, Giggling A Bit: “What? Anyway, How Many Pancakes Do You Want?”

Deimos: “Ooo, Can I Have 4?”

Sanford Nods And Turns Around, Walking Back To The Stove To Continue Their Breakfast. Deimos Watched His Boyfriend With Love In His Eyes. Dee Loved Watching His Boyfriend Do Anything; He Even Has A Whole Photo Album Full Of...Just Sanford In Battle Poses, Laying Down, Sitting, Ect..

Sanford Knew About Deimos’s Pictures. He Didn’t Really Mind, It Was Just When They Got Posted Online And Girls Were Coming To The Posts and Simping For The Man In The Bandana. Cut Back To Deimos Looking At Sanford With Love In His Eyes, Dee’s Tablet Vibrated On The Table.

Deimos Quickly Picked It Up, And Saw It Was From Hank. His Panic Died Down A Bit, And He Just Stared At The Notification. Like Sanford, Hank Liked Getting Up Early So He Can Get Things Done. One Of Those Things Would Be Making Sure Tricky Wasn’t Eating All The Food In The Fridge. Tricky Normally Has To Be Fed At Least 8 Times A Day To Ease His Chaotic Nature For A Few Minutes At Most. Then Jebus Has To Look After Him For Safety Reasons.

--------------------------------------------------

Hank: Deimos. Are You Up?

Hank: Deimos? It's 7:04 AM.

Hank: ?

Hank: Deimos??

Hank: Oh Yeah. I Forgot You Like To Sleep In

Hank: You're Probably Going To Wake Up At 8:30 AM, As Always.

Hank: Anyway, I Just Wanted To Say Tricky Misses You Guys. He Keeps Talking About You And He’s Wondering If You 2 Can Come Play With Him Later Today Or Tomorrow.

Hank: He's Happy You Two Are A Couple Now. He Bought A Gift For You Too.

Hank: Well….He Stole It, Then I Had To Pay For The Damage….AND The Gift

Hank: Also, Quick Question….Have You 2 Even Kissed Yet?

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There Was Silence For A Good 3 Seconds Until Deimos Screamed, Startling Sanford. The Tablet Fell On The Table Before Ford Could Even Reach His Boyfriend. The Man In The Bandana Hugged His Boyfriend To Calm Him. Ford Thought It Was Some Fangirl Who Messaged Him And Sent Something Gross As That Happened Very Often. He Took The Tablet To See For Himself, And Snorted When He Saw The Message. He Looked At Deimos Desperately Trying Not To Laugh At What He Saw.

Sanford: “You-” *He Quietly Giggles, Trying Not To Embarrass Deimos On Purpose* “You’re Screaming Because We Haven’t Kissed Yet?”

Deimos: “Well- I- Yo- We- He-”

He Was Immediately Silenced By His Boyfriend’s Lips Making Contact With His. They Stayed Like That For A Few Minutes Before Sanford Pulled Back And Got Back To The Stove. Deimos Just Sat There In Shock, His Face All Hot And Red. That Was Their First Ever Kiss, And Deimos Wanted To Be Involved Too. Just Thinking About It Made Him More Flustered. He Must've Been Spaced Out For A While Because When He Looked Up, Sanford Wasn't There. He Checked His Tablet Again And Saw A Notification: A Text From Hank.

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Hank: Lol. Sanford Told Me You Screamed When I Asked.

Hank: That Probably Was Really Funny In Person

Hank: If Only He Recorded It.

Hank: *[One Attachment Sent]*

{Hank: He Didn’t Answer My Question. Did You Guys Kiss Yet Orrr?

Sanford: Well Yes And No. You Embarrassed Him Lol. It Was So Funny Haha

Sanford: He Screamed When He Saw Your Message, Then I Kissed Him.

Hank: Pfft- Are You Serious?! Wow Lol

Sanford: Yeah Lmao. Made Me Throw A Pancake At The Ceiling. It Was Mine Too :(

Sanford: Good Wasted Pancake :(

Sanford: *[One Attachment Sent]* {Image Description: A Gray Tiled Ceiling With A Medium-Sized Pancake Smacked In Between 4 Tiles.}

Hank: XD}

Deimos: I-

Deimos: YOU!! >:( THAT WAS YOUR FAULT HANK J. WIMBLETON!!

Deimos: YOU MADE HIM WASTE HIS PANCAKE. THAT WAS YOU!!

Deimos: YOU FUDGING BULLY >:(

Deimos: I'LL HECKING FIGHT YOU!!

Hank: XD

Hank: Yeah Right Lol. I'll See You Later

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A Couple Minutes Pass And Sanford Taps Deimos On The Shoulder. Dee Turns Around To See His Boyfriend Fully Dressed. A Pile Of Clothes Was Placed In The Seat Next To The Shorter Man. Deimos Could Only Assume It Was His Clothing, As Hank Did Invite Them Over To See Tricky. The Smoker Popped A Cigarette In His Mouth And Left To Get Dressed. Once He Got Back, He Put His Cigarette In The Ashtray And Got Sanford Greeted With A Kiss. Well 2, One On The Forehead And One On The Mouth.

Deimos: “You Know, You Could’ve Waited Till I Was Ready For The Kiss.”

Sanford: “Why? It Would’ve Been A Year Or Two If You Said You Were Ready. That’s Basically How Our Relationship Started. Everyone Knows That, Ev-EVEN TRICKY KNOWS!”

Deimos’s Face Just Heated Up, He Knew That Was True And Couldn't Argue. After That Chat, Sanford And Deimos Got In Their Car And Headed To The Base. Deimos Was Messaging Hank During The Entire Ride. Hank Was Teasing Deimos A Lot About The Kiss, And How Deimos Reacted When It Was First Brought Up. Deimos Yelled-Texted At Hank Again, Causing The Man In The Red Goggles To Laugh Again. Dee Put His Tablet Away Once They Got To The Base. Of Course, None Other Than Hank Himself Was There To Greet Them And Welcome Them Back In.

They Passed The Savior, Jebus, Who Was Reading A Book, Supposedly A Bible Or Something He Could Find Lying Around. He Was Sitting At A Table With Red Wine In A Fancy Glass And Biscuits On A Plate. Deimos Wondered If Hank Told Him About It, Since He Received A Teasing Look. Sanford Just Thought Nothing Of It, And Wanted To See If Tricky Had Actually Changed Since Their Last Encounter With Him.

Once They Approached Tricky's Room, Or Area (Whatever You Would Call It), They Saw Signs Like 'Caution: Beware The Clown', And 'Do Not Enter Unless You Are Hank'. They Were Also Greeted By The Sound Of Someone Eating Something Viciously.

Looking From The Glass Window On The Wall, They Saw The Clown Filling His Face With All Different Kinds Of Food. He Stopped To Grab A Drink, But Got Distracted By Seeing Hank With Sanford And Deimos. Tricky Immediately Ran To The Glass And Smacked His Face Against It, Causing Ford And Dee To Jump Back.

Tricky Smiled In Delight After Seeing Deimos And Sanford For The First Time In A Long While. He Waved Through The Glass, Then Rushed To The Speaker. The Faint Sound Of Someone Yelling 'HAAANNK!' And 'VALID. FRIENDS' Could Be Heard Through The Speaker. The Door Suddenly Opened Slowly, The Smell Of All Kinds Of Foods Plus Blood Pouring Out Of The Opening And The Cracks. The Clown Immediately Jumped Out Of The Room, Startling The Trio.

Tricky: "SANFORD! HANK! DEIMOS! FRIENDS! VALID. YES."

Hank Actually Smiled Upon Tricky's Entrance, He Patted The Clown's Head Twice And Let The Other 2 Do The Same Thing After. They Talked About Everything That Happened, And Caught Up With Each Other. Jebus Entered The Room Half Way Through The Conversation And Joined In. They Chatted For Hours, Tricky Was The One To Point Out The Time To Everyone. Sanford Said That He And Deimos Had To Leave, As It Was Late (11:12 PM).

They Said Their Goodbyes Before Ford And Dee Headed Out. They Stayed Silent In The Car, Just Thinking About How Much The Others Have Changed. Tricky, Who Has Become More Friendly And Takes Baths. Hank, Who Is More Calm And 'Married To A Blender'. And Jebus, Who Has More Control And Is Starting To Learn Dad Jokes.

Deimos: "I Had Fun Chatting With Them After A While. I Just Wish Candice Was There With Us, I Miss Her."

Sanford: "...We Didn't Know A Candice."

Deimos, Grinning: "I Know Candice. I've Known Her For A While Now."

Sanford, Not Falling For It: "Good For You. Is She Nice?"

Deimos: "....Y-Yeah…...Although Her House Really Smells Like Updog. It's A Problem."

Sanford: "......Really?"

Deimos, Pushing The Joke: "Yes, Especially The Kitchen. It Really Reeks Of Updog. It's Disgusting, Bleck"

Sanford, Sighing And Smiling: "What Is Updog?"

Deimos, Giggling Like A Child: "Nahat Much Wh-"

Deimos Couldn't Finish His Sentence Because He Was Laughing. Sanford Just Snorted And Smiled, He Always Knew How He Could Get His Boyfriend Lost In Laughter. Even If A Joke Wasn't Really That Funny, Deimos Could Be Laughing For An Hour. He Absolutely Loves Jokes Of All Kinds And It Doesn't Matter Who Tells Them. By The Time They Arrived Home, Deimos Was Still Slightly Giggling And Wiping A Tear From His Eye.

Sanford Carried Deimos Into The House, As The Man In The Visor Finished His Giggling Fit. Ford Set His Boyfriend Onto The Couch And Started Getting Ready For Bed. He Left Dee Some Comfy Clothes To Slip Into For Bed. About A Couple Minutes Later They Both Were On The Couch In Pajamas (Or Just Clothes They Never Wear To Work).

Deimos: "Why Weren’t You Laughing At The Joke, Sanford?"

Sanford: "The Joke Wasn't That Funny, Deimos. You've Heard It Over One Hundred Times Already."

Deimos, Giggling Again: "But..It's Funny."

Sanford, Trying Not To Smile: "It-It's Really Not."

Deimos, Now Full On Laughing: "I- It Was Funny When Hank Fell For The Candice Joke." *He Smacked His Side While He Laughed* "It Hurt Like Hell, But It Was Worth It!"

Sanford, Smiling But Trying Hard Not To Laugh: "Oh Right I Forgot About That."

Sanford Then Let Deimos Cuddle Against Him As He Laughed Again. He Only Laughed Harder When Sanford Yelled, 'It's Not That Funny!'. Eventually, Ford Was Laughing As Well With His Boyfriend. They Laughed Until They Eventually Fell Asleep. Today Was A Good Day For Both Of Them, And They Were Happy They Could Spend It Together, Like Old Times.

[heyhey-heyward]

NO I DON’T | part two

series masterlist

summary: In which you realize that maybe you have feelings.

word count: 2.7k

let me know what you think!

The next morning found Kiara at your house as you got ready, waiting for John B to pick you both up in his van for the day's adventures. She was laying on your bed, scrolling through her phone as you bounced around to get dressed.

“Oh my god, did I tell you what John B asked me last night?” You stepped out of your closet once you finished getting changed out of your pajamas and looked at Kiara, who shook her head. “He asked me if I had a thing for JJ.”

“Well?” She looked at you expectantly, and you furrowed your brows.

“Well, what?” You repeated, confusion evident in your tone. She scoffed, the grin she was wearing a bit too smug for your liking.

“Do you have a thing for him?” From her tone, it was clear that she thought her question was obvious. Suddenly, the looks she had been sending you over the past couple of days made sense.

“Not you too.” You groaned, dropping your head back in annoyance as you picked up your backpack that held everything you needed for the day. Kiara chuckled at your reaction, climbing off your bed to follow you as you moved to go wait for the boys downstairs. “I promise, there is nothing going on between JJ and I.”

“If you say so.” She shrugged, echoing John B’s statement from the night before. You could tell by her tone and grin that she clearly wasn’t convinced, though you chose not to respond, dropping the subject completely when you entered the kitchen and spotted your mom drinking coffee at the island table.

“Hello, girls.” Your mom greeted you both with a smile. “Have you gotten your Midsummers dresses yet?” Since your parents had grown up on The Cut, they were eager to take part in any events that solidified their Kook status. You, on the other hand, couldn’t care less.

“No, but I was thinking of going tomorrow.” Kiara explained with a smile. What she didn’t say was that she waited so long to get a dress because, just like you, she thought the whole event was ridiculous.

“I’ll go with her.” You told your mom, knowing that was going to be her next question. Shopping with Kiara would mean one less headache and you would be able to enjoy yourself.

“And have you thought about having someone escort you?” She wasn’t being controlling, you could tell from the smile she was wearing that she was simply genuinely curious. Just as you were grabbing a couple granola bars out of the pantry, a familiar honk sounded from the driveway and you knew it was your chance to escape.

“Bye mom!” You called, grabbing Kiara’s arm and racing out of the house. John B’s van was parked exactly where you knew it would be, with Pope in the passenger’s seat and JJ’s head sticking out the sliding door. You climbed in with Kiara in tow, the dark haired girl was grinning mischievously at you.

“Yeah, are you going to have someone escort you?” She teased, reaching out to pinch your cheeks as you slumped into the spot next to JJ. His arm found its way around your shoulders like it usually did, and he was looking between you and Kiara with a confused look.

“Shut up, Kie. I’d rather choke than go with some stuck up Kook.” You rolled your eyes, leaning further into JJ to get away from her. She grinned, settling into her spot across from you as John B pulled out of the driveway.

“Are you talking about Midsummers?” Pope asked over his shoulder. You nodded, rubbing your cheeks that stung a bit from where Kiara pinched them. “I’m supposed to work it with my dad.”

“When is it again?” John B asked. The boys looked to you and Kiara for answers, wondering when their group of five would be knocked down to two.

“It’s in three days, and we have to go dress shopping tomorrow.” Kiara explained as you picked at your nails, clearly bored with the conversation. You felt JJ shift from beside you, drawing your attention and when you met his gaze he was frowning.

“We were supposed to watch C.H.U.D. that night though.” He pouted, and even though he was the best liar of the group, you could see the mischief in his eyes. He wasn’t actually upset, but he would never be one to pass up the chance to tease. You shoved his shoulder playfully while still grinning at his antics.

“Sorry I’ve got to bail on you, we can hang out another time.” You assured him, turning to John B to ask him where he was taking everyone, but you didn’t get the chance to say anything before Kiara spoke up.

“Why don’t you just go to Midsummers with her?” Her question was innocent enough, but coupled with the conversation you had with her minutes earlier, you shot her an exasperated look. Though, the idea of having JJ with you at the event had you significantly more excited for the night. He would be able to make the stuffiest Kook party actually enjoyable.

“Yeah, J, I’ll even rent you a suit and everything. And Kie could bring JB. It’ll be a Pogue takeover.” You nudge him with your elbow, earning a grin from the blonde. The look he gave you, for some unknown reason, sent a shock through your system. You had always known he was attractive, but the sight of his dimple and the lightness in his eyes caught you off guard.

“Maybe I will.” JJ announced, pulling you tighter into his side as he switched his attention to the other three people in the car. John B echoed his sentiment, and as JJ leaned towards the front to make some joke about how Pope was going to have to serve him, Kiara shot you a self-satisfied look that made you roll your eyes.

“John B, where are we even going?” You called, your voice loud enough to carry over JJ and Pope’s back and forth bickering. You met the brunette’s gaze through the rearview mirror, noting the mischievous gaze that told you that he was up to something.

“We’re having a kegger tonight.”

A few hours and one free lunch from Kiara’s family restaurant The Wreck later, John B dropped you and JJ off at the store to pick up some last minute items for the party.

“I can’t believe I got put on cup duty.” JJ complained, grabbing the large package of red solo cups off of the shelf. You rolled your eyes, grabbing an extra pack to make sure there was enough.

“I’m on babysitting duty, so it could be worse.” You teased, ruffling his hair as you flashed him a grin and walked ahead of him.

“Oh, so we’re being mean now, are we?” He called, trailing after you. You could hear the smile in his voice, and when you glanced at him over your shoulder your suspicions were proven true. You nodded at his statement, only realizing your mistake seconds later when his arms came around your middle and he spun you around, fingers digging into your sides to tickle you.

You didn’t hear the cups hit the ground as you both dropped what you were carrying over the sound of your laughter. JJ’s arms were around you, keeping your back pressed to his chest as you tried to squirm out of his hold. Eventually he dropped you, and you immediately spun to face him, swatting his shoulder as he laughed loudly and you tried to catch your breath.

And then it hit you.

A stampede of butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you watched JJ giggle uncontrollably at his own actions. Your whole body felt warm, and everywhere JJ had just been touching you was tingling. It was as if everything you had ever known was coming into question and you weren’t sure you would be able to tell up from down. But worst of all—John B was right.

You had a thing for JJ.

You were dragged out of your thoughts by JJ waving his hand in front of your face, calling your name. You forced a smile, embarrassed that you had been caught zoning out as you thought about how you could have gone so long without realizing your feelings for one of your closest friends.

“You good?” JJ asked, picking up the cups from the ground. You nodded, clearing your throat as you made a bee-line for the cashier. The old man working the register shot you an annoyed look, clearly not the happiest with the fact that you had been so noisy just moments before.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” You said, way too quickly for you to be actually fine. You could tell JJ wasn’t convinced, but he kept his mouth shut as you paid and he followed you out of the store with the cups in hand. Originally, the plan had been for JJ to come to your house and hang out for a while, but at the moment all you needed was to put some distance between yourself and the blonde haired boy who’s gaze was making it hard for you to breathe properly. “Actually, I just remembered that I promised my parents I’d help them with something today, so I’ve got to head back.”

“Do you want me to help too?” He asked, and you silently cursed him for being such a kind person. You probably wouldn’t be in this mess if he wasn’t such a secret softie towards his friends. Plastering on the biggest smile you could muster you chuckled, internally cringing at the sheer awkwardness of it all.

“Is JJ Maybank offering to work?” You teased, ignoring the confused look he gave you or the way your voice was a few octaves too high to be normal. You started to walk backwards in the direction of your house, shooting him one last wave. “I’ll see you at the party.”

If this was how you were going to act around him from now on—you were in trouble.

You arrived at The Boneyard that night after the party had already started and Pogues, Kooks, and Tourons alike were already drinking. After your little freakout at your house, you had calmed down significantly and convinced yourself that you’d be able to act normally around JJ, because it was just JJ, one of your best friends since the third grade when John B introduced the two of you.

You spotted your group of friends sitting around one of the many small bonfires that littered the small stretch of beach dedicated to parties. You head towards them instead of the keg, not wanting to deal with the group of Kooks that currently surrounded it. You swung an arm around Pope’s shoulders as you dropped into the spot on the log beside him, interrupting his story about something his dad had told him as a cheer of your name sounded from the group. You smiled at them, ignoring the way your heart skipped a beat as your gaze momentarily landed on JJ.

“Where have you been? I thought you weren’t going to show.” John B teased with a grin. You went to give him some comeback about how you weren’t sure you would have been able to stomach one more party with him, but JJ’s voice added onto the brunette’s comment.

“Yeah, after you freaked out and bailed on me this afternoon.” He remarked, punctuating his sentence with a drag of the blunt he had rolled for the party. You felt your smile morph into a grimace, and to avoid meeting anyone’s questioning looks, you stared into the fire.

“My mom has been freaking out about Midsummers, she wanted me to help her pick out a dress today.” You lied. It was clear that something was up, but nobody questioned you as John B rose from his seat, extending a hand to pull you to your feet.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” He explained, leading you through the crowd and towards the now-empty keg. “So are you going to tell me what’s really going on? Because I’ve already seen the dress your mom picked out for Midsummers, like, two weeks ago.”

You cringed, embarrassed to be caught in a lie. Your silence must have told John B all that he needed to know, because it was seconds later that his grin widened and he was laughing at you.

“Oh my god, you do have a thing for him!” John B called out, much too loudly for your liking. You shot forward, slapping a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. He leaned back out of your touch, shooting you a grin as he finally moved to fill a cup for you. “I knew it. So, what happened? JJ didn’t say anything—”

“Nothing happened, John B! I just kinda, freaked out and left.” You sighed exasperatedly, tilting your head back in annoyance. You knew nothing would stop him from teasing you, you certainly wouldn’t hold back if you were in his position, but he also wouldn’t cross any lines.

Still, he wasn’t the best secret keeper once he had a few drinks in him.

Your solution to your John B problem had been to stick by his side the entire night. It wasn’t far from what you usually did at parties, but you also had been avoiding JJ as best you could—which, you couldn’t remember the last time you put so much distance between yourself and the blonde.

A few refills later and you were feeling loose, your mind able to wander other places instead of being stuck on the fear that JJ might find out how you felt. You had been messing around with John B, and somehow had ended up climbing onto his back.

“JB, I swear, if you drop me…” Your threat was empty as you trailed off, earning a loud laugh from John B.

“You’re the one that asked for a piggy back ride.” He teased, and you shut him up by holding your cup up to his lips to give him a sip. He went back to his conversation with Pope and Kiara after, and you zoned out as you felt a pair of eyes on you. Glancing up, you found JJ staring at you and John B with an annoyed expression, not giving the time of day to the Touron that was clearly trying to flirt with him.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, wondering what could have upset him. You entertained the idea that it was because you were ignoring him, and that made a heavy weight settle in your stomach.

“I’ll be right back.” You told John B, interrupting whatever story he was telling. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before he set you on your feet, and you made your way through the crowd to where JJ was standing. His expression only seemed to get more sour, and you briefly contemplated turning back. You steeled your nerves and ignored the fluttering in your chest as you stood before him. “Hey, are you all right?”

“‘M fine.” He grunted, even less convincing than you had been earlier. And while you had lied because you were overwhelmed with a slew of new feelings towards one of your closest friends, he was lying because something was making him mad.

“J, what’s wrong?” You continued. Usually, you were pretty good at reading what upset JJ, from Kooks to his father, you knew him well. This time, it was as if there was a wall between you and him and you weren’t sure why he had built it up.

“Why don’t you go back to John B?” JJ wasn’t even looking at you as he spoke, his gaze trained on the cup he was squeezing too tight to be normal. You were shocked at the accusation he was making, that there was something going on between you and your oldest friend. You huffed, annoyed that he was being so difficult. You would have corrected him, but you had a stubborn streak as well, and just wanted to enjoy the party. So instead, you dished out the attitude that he gave you, before turning back to where John B, Kiara, and Pope were waiting for you.

“Get over yourself, JJ.”

—

taglist:

@pixelated-pogues​ @obx-direction-sos​ @emptycanvasposts​ @rudethchalamet​ @drizzlethatfalls​ @obxlife​ @fangirlvoice​ @jayjaymaebank​ @k-k0129​ @starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies @perfektionsmakel​ @teamnick​ @sspidermanss​ @jjs-housekeeping​

(names with a strikethrough did not work)

[thechildofstark]

Fuck John Walker (and also some other stuff): A Response To Episode Four

WARNING: some bad language, death mentions, violence mentions, blood mentions, racism, spoilers for for ep 4 of tfatws 

DISCLAMER: I have some Opinions about various characters. These do not extend to the actors, who I’m sure are lovely and should be treated with the dignity, privacy and respect that they deserve. 

“Fuck John Walker” was originally meant to be the subtitle. I decided on it when he screwed up the op for Sam. It got ungraded during the final scene, because nothing else could possibly compare as a necessary title to this post. 

Essentially, some (out of order) thoughts on episode 4:

~*Sam and Bucky, working together*~ (pretend this is a musical jingle)

The contrasting ways that they interacted with the displaced

While the incredibly valid argument can be made that Sam is the least privileged of the group (I’ve made it) it is obvious that he has had the most structured civilian life: approaching the people he comes across openly. Yes, he is polite and calm, but the closest thing to this he has personally come across in the past (that we know of) would be the war vets he worked with and the critical difference is that they wanted to be there. From what I remember of Sam’s groups they didn’t seem to be a sort of mandatory requirement: you came because you chose to. Or at least, you came prepared for the situation. Here, Sam is an outsider and an unwelcome threat. These people are not going to open up to him. 

Bucky is quieter, but still quite straight forward in the way he presents himself. I think he may show a little more care for the environment he is in than Sam but that isn’t saying much. Yes, he has experienced much worse things than Sam but we still see his unfamiliarity with this sort of situation paired with some less than stellar social skills really not working in his favor. 

Look, I love both these 2 to death. But this is not what they know. 

Zemo on the other hand quite likely lived in a place similar to this after his family was murdered. He shows an understanding of how this sort of situation would work, going to children who:

a) wont necessarily peg him as an outsider

b) are bribable

also I think he was genuinely super glad to give those kids that candy and money. He would have been such a good dad. now I have Zemo feels. somebody help me.

The inclusion of the Dora Milaje was incredibly awesome, and not just because I simp for powerful women. Narratively, this was the perfect place for them to join the party and assert their right to apprehend Zemo. 

Bucky speaking Xhosa (i think it was?) is very cool

 I would like to take this moment to formally state that Caption John Walker is a motherfucking asshole. 

It was also really nice to see Sam’s therapist skills, that worked against him earlier really help him here. 

I liked seeing that more human side of Karli, and having her interact with the “enemy” and have serious conversation about what everyone is doing.

Until Captain Insecurity has to destroy the op because he doesn’t trust the people he chose to work with, no one has comms or anything I guess?

Also Walker deferring to Bucky for team decisions over Sam, talking over Sam and acting like he knows better than Sam?

I smell racism in this Chili’s tonight

It was also really interesting to get a more in-depth look at how Zemo views supersoldiers. Nearly all the ones that he has either heard of or interacted with (destroyed) had either volunteered for the serum or were so brainwashed that it didn’t make a difference. These people are a dangerous enemy to be eliminated, alongside people like Dr. Nagel. His entire worldview is focused on their destruction that the idea that one of them could be a normal person is impossible to him. The only exceptions acknowledged are Steve (paragon of saintly virtue) and Bucky. 

And the fact that after his family died and his country devastated he would most likely have fixated on both the Avengers and the “concept” of a superhuman being as something to blame for his loss. His refusal to concede his position to Sam isn’t just arrogance, although that seems to be a part of it, but the fact that he has spent so much time and energy in destroying both the Winter Soldier program and most likely other similar operations, along with the Avengers that this hatred and belief in the danger has most likely become one of his core beliefs. To change this would be to question his vendetta against the Avengers, to question his actions against the Winter Soldier program which he knows was a horrible thing, and to question why he has spent the past seven years in maximum security prison. This isn’t something he is ready to do yet.  

The fact that Bucky is a noted exception is something that stands out to me. Zemo knows that Bucky is a good person, regardless of the serum. 

Bucky is also the only main character (that I can think of) that was injected with the serum against his will. The fact that he didn’t seek it out could quite likely be part of the reason that Zemo doesn’t look down on him for it - it is framed that the sort of person that seeks out that sort of strength/power would be a “supremacist”, someone who would use their abilities to harm and subjugate others.

And while we are at the apartment may I say how funny it is to see Zemo just. Literally being Sam and Bucky’s sugar daddy. He transports them and houses them and makes them fancy tea. It’s possible he’s providing them with clothes. Either way, love it. Cannot wait for the boys to work it out.

Sam and Lemar’s responses to being offered the serum are an interesting juxtaposition to how they view the concept of supersoldiers. They have both experienced hardship and survived war but Sam is the one that has gone up against Gods and monsters and he wants none of that, thank you. 

And Lemar is so comfortable with saying yes because it isn’t actually being offered to him. Walker expresses some hesitation in their discussion because for him, it isn’t hypothetical. This is something real that can and will effect him for the rest of his life and he wants to make the “right decision”.

The return of Erskine’s belief that the serum not only effect the physical but the mental, emotional and (possibly?) spiritual. This isn’t something that’s really been touched on outside of The First Avenger and I liked that it turned up here. But the fact that it was the reason Walker felt comfortable taking the serum? Eww

The Dora Milaje kicking names and taking ass is super awesome. They are so incredibly skilled and have such amazing teamwork and are also super beautiful I love them 

Sam and Bucky just. Watching. Enjoying the show. Absolute kings. 

Zemo being the sneaky little sneak that he is :)

One one hand, Bucky losing his arm in the fight was very awesome. One the other hand, he has a long history of complicated bodily autonomy in relation to that arm so........  Neutral opinion it is then 

Karli, honey, I really want to like you but can you please keep the mans family out of it. Okay?

And another thing that this show made me think about: kids left to fend for themselves after the Blip (uuuurrrggh it hate calling it that. stupid canonical name). I think it’s good that at least some people took it on themselves to take these children in, to give them good lives and families.

The way that Sam has incorporated his wings into his combat style is very cool

Okie dokie can’t avoid it forever lets get this over with. 

LEMAR MY BEAUTIFUL SON NOOOO

those fuckers (the writers i mean)

Side note: did they really have to make the first main character death of the series a Black “sidekick” character? No. No they did not. 

Side side note: I understand that this is a perfectly valid way (ew) to “advance the plot” but I can and will be annoyed about it

And now we really get into the shit. But...........................

As much as I absolutely unequivocally hate John Walker I actually like the thematic parallels of how they did this. All throughout The First Avenger Steve is adamant on how he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wants to stand up to the bullies. It’s only after Bucky dies that he says he wants to kill all the Nazis and really get into the horror of it all. The fact that John, who has absolutely been on the edge for the entire episode if not longer, only loses it after Lemar dies?

Because Lemar is arguably meant to be that stand-in for Bucky in the eyes of the public, and they are obviously close friends..........

Just - 

I feel I may have accidentally been slightly nicer than I planned to Walker in this post. I’m not sure how I feel about that. 

But C****** J*** W****** is NOT Captain America. Up until now I’ve been calling him “Fake Cap” in my head and to my family, but he doesn’t even deserve that honor. 

And the blood on the Shield. Dear god that was horrible. 

And the fact that, as it was pointed out in this very episode, this man fully represents everything that is Captain America, to the world. He isn’t only tarnishing his own legacy, he is also destroying Steve’s. And to some extent, Bucky’s. The whole reason that Bucky Barnes is considered a “Superhero” is because, at least in America he is known as “Cap’s Best Friend”. He was marketed that way for over half a century, and after the whole “Winter Solder” thing, goodwill or no, brainwashing or no, this could end very ugly for him. Not to mention that Steve Rogers is most likely to be forgotten to history in favor of this freak. 

And on that note, where the fuck is Steve? This is set only 6 months after Endgame, if he had died we would know. So what the hell is he doing? Because I know he got perpetual brainrot going back in time to be str8 and boring but dear god if the show tries to tell me that he’s just chilling in some senior’s center in Alaska I will actually call bullshit. Steve Rogers would never. Okay this is a whole separate post on my thought on Steve. Watch this space I guess. 

And while we’re all here, Bucky Barnes needs a goddamn boyfriend. I’ve done some thinking, and here is a compiled shortlist: 

Sam

Zemo

De-aged Steve (he would be higher but I’m still mad at him for the whole “vanishing without a word to relive Jim Crow and the Lavender Scare. :/ )

IN THAT ORDER. 

That’s all folks. 

Feel free to send me asks if you want clarification or extra details on anything. 

And finally - 

the thing we all came to see:

FUCK

JOHN 

WALKER

fin

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[littlejeanniebean]

The Marauders | Moony

A/N: Takes place after Padfoot & Wormtail, before Prongs. Fluff, angst, and gratuitous self-discovery if you can call it that. ~1800 words because apparently I’m a liar when I say I don’t have favourites.

Also, I got my first tag request from the talented @hp-art-by-nanse <3

Agh, I can’t believe my first fanfic series is complete! I’m gonna go be happy and sad at the same time now. Happy Marauders Readathon Day!

- J xx

“I don’t think this is such a good idea, lads,” Wormtail quivered from under the invisibility cloak, “Moony always respects our privacy!”

“Shh!” James and Padfoot hissed, huddled close beside him.

If Albus Dumbledore saw an odd shoe or edge of a cloak ambling across the moonlit grounds towards the Whomping Willow after him, he didn’t let on. The sagely wizard simply cast an engorgio charm on a twig and touched it to the knot at the base of the willow.

“Merlin’s beard!” exclaimed James.

“Calm down, Sleekeazy,” Padfoot snorted.

“No. Just no,” said the boy as he cast lumos once Dumbledore and Moony had disappeared into the passageway, “Padfoot, would you care to do the honours?”

“Don’t mind if I do, Evans-eyes,” the long-haired boy touched the tree knot.

“Up yours, follow me, and for Godric’s sake, don’t get the cloak caught in anything.”

Halfway through the tunnel, the boys heard a chilling howl.

“Do… do you think this leads to the Forbidden Forest?” Wormtail’s wand arm was terribly unsteady with fear.

“There are no werewolves in the Forbidden Forest,” James assured him.

“Can’t say the same for normal wolves, though,” Padfoot couldn’t resist, earning a smack upside the head from James.

“Dumbledore’s on the other side with Moony. It can’t be dangerous.”

“Right,” Wormtail nodded vigorously, mostly to himself, “Right.”

“A dead-end,” James huffed.

“A trap door,” Padfoot pointed up.

“Ah, I knew that. Alohamora,” he jiggled the enchanted padlock, but it was still locked fast.

“Ow!” 

“Alright, Wormtail?” James checked on their friend.

“Fine. Just stubbed my toe on a rock - hey! There’s a key under here,” he handed it over to the taller boys to use.

Padfoot stood on James’ shoulders and threw the door open, “Et viol-”

A low growl in the dark had them backing up against the tunnel wall.

“What… what is that?” Wormtail hid behind James, who bravely held his wand aloft and said,

“C’mon, Moony needs us! Ascendio!” he landed neatly only to see Dumbledore sitting primly on the sofa at the centre of a torn-apart living room, a werewolf - yes, a werewolf, at his feet. 

Padfoot followed, quiet as ever, and Wormtail, well, Wormtail tried his best.

“Oof! Sorry, sorry!” he dusted himself off as he stood.

The old man held his fingers to his lips and beckoned the boys closer. 

“Where’s Moony, Headmaster?” James whispered, sitting beside him.

He gazed upon them over his half-moon glasses, “Do you not see him? You’re his closest friends, are you not? Do you not recognize him?” 

“Oh, Moony,” Padfoot knelt down beside the sleeping creature, weary from his transformation, “No wonder you’re always exhausted…”

Wormtail wandered closer and Padfoot made room.

“How can we help him?” James asked, brown eyes sharp and alert.

“You have been, all of you. Your friendship reminds him that he is still a wizard and still in the most essential way, human. But we must go now. When he wakes… he will not be so tame.”

“But this is when he needs us most!” Padfoot protested in a hushed tone.

Wormtail swallowed his fear and nodded in agreement. 

“In that case, there is a book in the restricted section,” Dumbledore handed them a permission slip, “I suggest you give it a read.”

“Advanced Transfiguration Volume VII,” James read it, “Sir, with all due respect -”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” said the boys.

“Then you will read it. And perhaps you will be able to return here sooner than you think.”

The werewolf whimpered and stirred.

“May we say goodbye?” asked Padfoot.

The headmaster nodded.

“It’s us, Moony,” said the bespectacled boy, “James, Pads, and Wormtail… We’re here for you. Hang in there.”

“I’ll have a trunk full of chocolate frogs waiting for you when you get back,” Padfoot said loud enough for the others to hear and then leaned in so he was barely a centimeter from the wolf’s ear, “We love you, Moons, you can always count on that.”

“When you told me you knew how I felt, about feeling like an outsider,” said Wormtail, “I had no idea… I’m the one who can’t possibly know… but... we're the Marauders. We'll figure this out. You’ll see.”

The boys retraced their steps through the tunnel, Dumbledore bringing up the rear. As they reemerged from under the Whomping Willow, they heard a low, mournful howl. 

Once the boys got their hands on the book, there was much to do. Upon Moony’s return from “the private hospital wing,” he did not fail to notice all the “secret” running about by the other three marauders.

“Wormtail,” he stopped the boy on his way to Divination, “James and Padfoot aren’t doing anything stupid, are they?”

“No more than usual,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Anything I can help with?”

“Prongs said you just rest up until it’s time to do your bit -”

“Prongs?”

“Uh… I think I hear... my... stomach growling… because I’m starving. I’m just… gonnapopondowntothekitchensnowbye!”

“Prongs,” the pale-faced boy said to a full and suddenly very silent dormitory that evening. James was the first to raise his head before he realized who was speaking, as Moony expected. 

“I’m just going to leave now,” Kingsley Shacklebolt shut the door behind him.

“Right,” Moony slid off the bed and looked at each boy in turn, “Who wants to go first?”

“Well, we’ve been trying to come up with a nickname for James for a while,” Wormtail.

“And we learned to cast patronuses for kicks,” Padfoot.

“Mine turned out to be a stag,” Prongs.

“Is there… a reason none of you wanted to share this with me?” Moony asked with a subdued quietness.

“No!” Padfoot.

“No, not at all!” Prongs.

“We just wanted to wait until you were feeling better,” explained Wormtail, “but we know how you are around the opportunity to learn something new. I fainted seven times before I could hold the spell.”

“That’s all, truly,” Prongs.

“If you are feeling better, Moons, we can show you right now,” Padfoot grabbed his wand, “The incantation is Expecto Patronum but the most important part is to think happy thoughts.”

Moony barely heard him and his eyes were far away as he spoke, “You know what, lads… You’re right, I… I am feeling rather tired. I suppose I should wait a bit… and perhaps pay Pomfrey another visit -” 

Wormtail scampered off his bed quickly, “Wait, Moony -”

“It’s alright. I’m alright. Night.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Padfoot cast a frustrated reducto on his mattress, which proceeded to explode in fluffy white feathers. 

“That… could have gone better,” Prongs wiped his glasses on the hem of his pajama shirt. 

“He’ll understand when he sees us in the shack next month… right?” Wormtail chewed on his nails.

“Of course,” Padfoot said both for his friend and himself, “Of course, he will. But he wouldn’t let us do it if he knows beforehand, so we must keep the secret for now. As difficult as it may be.”

That entire month, Moony moped and trudged, and ate far too much chocolate. The Marauders' secrecy persisted and he finally wrote home, asking to be removed from Hogwarts because he was feeling so poorly and strongly suspected that Dumbledore intercepted his letter somehow because he was summoned to the headmaster’s office within the next twenty-four hours. Or perhaps it was simply the morning before a full moon night. 

“Chocolate frog, Mr. Lupin?”

“No, thank you, sir.”

“I see…” he gestured for the boy to have a seat, “Your professors have expressed some concern with your performance this month.”

“Sorry, Headmaster.”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to. Nor to your professors.”

“I’m not good with riddles, sir. That’s the only reason I told the hat ‘hard pass’ on Ravenclaw.”

Dumbledore chuckled, “May I ask how you are feeling, Mr. Lupin?”

The boy sensed what subject the old man was trying to be tactful in broaching, “The new wolfsbane brew helps greatly, sir. Thank you.”

“But how are you feeling?”

“Sir?”

“You, Remus John Lupin, how do you feel?”

The boy's shoulders sagged in defeat underneath his oversized jumper, “I’m grateful for the opportunity to study here, Professor Dumbledore, but I… I don’t think I can continue to… to put other students’ lives at risk. I’ve written home and… we’ll make other arrangements for my education.”

“You mention, ‘risk.’”

“Yes, because of... what I am.”

“Since you mention your dislike for riddles, I will be direct. To place your life in another’s hands is a great risk, but so too is it to lay your heart bare. And that is where trust comes in. Trust in your friends and their goodness, and in yourself and yours. I'll see you tonight, Remus.”

"Yeah."

At dusk they followed the familiar trail down to the Whomping Willow, then to the Shrieking Shack. Dumbledore lifted the trap door and smiled behind his long white beard, "After you, Mr. Lupin."

"Thank y-Padfoot? Prongs? Wormtail?" he looked at each quietly excited boy in turn, "What are you lot doing here?"

"Watch, watch!" Wormtail squealed excitedly, his ears already beginning to enlarge while his head shrunk, and then a little garden rat emerged from his crumpled robes.

Padfoot was next, and he turned into a shaggy black dog. Prongs, a handsome stag. 

"I… I don't understand…" Remus marvelled at the animals - his friends.

The boys changed back.

"If you happen to bite us accidentally in wolf form, we won't turn if we're in our animagus form!" Prongs explained happily.

"Ani-animag- that's - how - you - might've - so much could've gone wrong trying it before physical maturity!"

"Which is exactly why we had to keep it secret until we'd done it!" Padfoot leapt in a circle around him, "So you wouldn't stress trying to talk us out of it!"

Moony felt his bones begin to creak, his eyesight began to shift, and his teeth sharpen ever so slightly. Yet, he was so full of elation and love for the boys - his boys. He hugged each of them quickly while he could and they transformed together. 

Bonus scene:

"Expecto Patronum!" Moony closed his eyes and thought hard about the night before. Seeing his friends, feeling their presence and care even in his transformed state. When they played hide and seek and Wormtail always won and James always lost. And when he awoke to the sun peaking through the tattered curtains, his form was human, but he could still feel a patch of coarse fur tickling at his side. It was Padfoot as a black dog, snoring louder and drooling more than the boy usually did. Moony had never smiled so wide so soon after a full moon.

"Expecto Patronum!" a silver wolf burst forth from the tip of his wand and darted in and out of the trees at the edge of the forest.

[crystu-cii]

OF COURSE!!!! I'd say you're hella close to it!!! Definitely closer than I am XDD 💖💞💝💕💝❤️💕💕❤️ A G R EED /hj XDD

Yeah ;w; oohh that sounds super interesting!! I can understand not pursuing a story tho, stories are d i f f icult-- XD fun, but difficult, and you need an attention span for them! (Why do you think I only write one page stories??)

OMS yessss that's so accurate tho-- like I haven't changed much if I'm being honest (I spend a LOT of time inside.. XD) awww-- I can understand that- in japan we didn't have a backyard, so I stopped going outside much at all-- occasionally I biked to convenience stores or walked to vending machines, that was cool, but no backyard :/ having no backyard sUCks, like where am I supposed to scream into the void?? INSIDE?? /j

OMS-- CRYS XDD what a Mood™ tho- "oh I'm gonna continue this thing!!" *does something else entirely*

XDD It was done Against My Will™ (get Against My Will on the album I Haven't Awoken Well Rested Since I Was A Child by the band The Bags Under My Eyes Aren't Makeup! XD) MOOD-- I spent the quarantine summer doing nothing but staying up until the sun rose and sleeping until it was at its peak- where did the time goooo

I AGREE HOW DARE HE- LIKE EXCUSE?? YOU TINY HEATHEN??? anyways now I'm trying to go back to squirting him with a squirt bottle to startle him(even tho he's a fan of water, the harsh spray startles him) but anyways thank you crysss I'm never getting a cat in my life now bc of this rude child (dogs are superior anyways /hj)

(and now time to reply to the OTHER ask cause I'm efficient and not going to send two separate asks to respond to things that can be responded to at the same time.. ....why did I even ramble about that wtf henry(huh I never refer to myself by name that felt weird))

Okay!! No worries dude, you can always take your time with replies, I just don't trust tumblr XD 💞❤️💕💝💝💖💕❤️💖 of course!!! Thank you!!! 💖💕💕💖💞💕

Oooh!!! That sounds super fun!!! Man I miss hanging out with my friends-- but my closest friend(lives in my neighborhood) has a parent who works in other people's houses, so high risk, and the rest live several hours away :)) but anyways yeah that sounds hella!!!! I love that y'all were just like "okay well. we're gonna hang out anyways." XDD

Aww-- I'm glad you are!! My brother and his bf were supposed to come but I think we have to postpone that cause someone in his workplace tested positive for covid :( YESS FOODDDD-- oooh cheesecake?? I've never heard of having it on Thanksgiving!! Usually we have pumpkin, cherry, apple, and pecan pies!! (We're having pumpkin and cherry ones this yeah!! Two pumpkin pies, a cherry pie, and a cherry cobbler--) I... Have never heard of pineapple pie in my life! Sounds like it would make pineapple-on-pizza haters burst into tears tho--

YOURE WHAT-- CRYS YOU HEATHEN IT IS NOVEMBER!!!!! /j I can't stand Christmas music, being a choir student made me not be a huge fan of it-- too much Christmas music.. ugh. (Straight no chaser is tolerable at least. And Pentatonix. And covers by artists I like. But if I have to hear Jingle Bells ONE MORE TIME--) YESSS BESTOW UPON ME THOU'S PRESENCE AND PRESENTS... Ooh nice!! Pfft XDD Yess- I have multiple on my wishlist-- mostly for the switch-- OMS I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T ASK FOR THSC-- MAYBE IM THE HEATHEN--

Okay, it's January 5th! Literally not even two weeks after Christmas-- Feel free to scream happy birthday at me :3 XDD now I'm curious, what's yours?

awhhh thank you ;w;; 💕💞💕💞💞💕💞

and legiT- and omg- also what i do a lot is thinking i have a story all in control but then i realise that i only focused on the main parts and nOT the transitions and all that shit and then i end up last minute thinking them- XDD and ngl one page stories sound SOO much better- imo- not just for writing- but for reading as well- whenever i go to see a fanfic I always read the ones that has one chapter- dunno how to fully explain it- possibly cause its satisfying to see a story actually have its end other than a long lasting series that will never end- XDD oneshots are my FUEL

buT WoW omg this topic has now made me realise how i barely go outside- XDD i wish there would be other thingd around my neighborhood other than a "park" that has DEAD GRASS and the sprinklers go off like every hour for some reason- duNNo what the builders were thinking but i guess i dont mind- i stay in my house a whOLELE lot xD

and YESS IT GETS ME EVERYTIME- "hey lets draw-" *-WRITES-* XDD AND ABHAHAHAHA (NOW ON YOUR LOCAL MUSIC STORES- XDDDD) and omG MEEE- the times i would usually sleep would be around 3 am to 6 am- ironically my mom has a more screwed up schedule than i do- and SHE STILL HAS- last night she told me that she hasnt slept in 48 HOURSSS- MaMAAA PLEASE SLEEP

GO AWAY CAT HEATHEN- XD and omG a squirt bottle of water yes XDD and awh i definitely understand now how youll not get a cat- sounds like a hecka pain ;0;; i never even had a pet before (or not that i would recall- oh wait i think i had fish but i have an embarrassing story that made my mom ban fish from the household- OH MAN the shame)

and yeahh oh man- i hope you are okay with all these topics XDD and thank you!! 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞

awwhh i see- i wish you can hang out with your friends without it being too risky! that reminds me of that one time where my friend said "hey so uh you guys can hang out at my house since at my parent's workplace someone was positive for covid" and then immeadiately after they were like "SO WE NEED TO GO TO ONE OF YOUR GUYS' HOUSE" and Im LIKE- UH- NOO??? nOt AfTEr you just say THAT- nuh uh- thankfully we didnt hang out that day- better safe than sorry xD

and omggg those pies sound AWWESOMEEEE- i always wanted to try pumpkin pie before but when i asked my mom that she was like "nO iTS diSGusTing" and im like "*visible confusion*" and lOwKEY SAME- pineapple pie just sounds a bit off but my mom was really hyped to make it xD i'd actually say its not that bad! but im still not a fan of pineapple so uhhh xD (aNd YEAH IT DOES feel like it would make those haters cry-- XDD)

and PFHAOHFA IM A LIVING HEATHEN- XDD omg at this time of year- it gets CRAZYY for me- first off- Tree is a true filipino- right when it was the first day october- youd hear them say "FUCK HALLOWEEN"(and id just whine to them like "BUT HALLOWENENENEN") and then their family set up a whole christmas tree and over-the-top decorations- and omg- if you hate christmas music- you would despise the philippines sO MUCH- when the FIRST day of SEPTEMBER hits- CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON ALLLLL THE STORES- it will drive you WILDDD ( yeah its actually a normal filipino thing- not that i ever went to the philippines myself at tHAT time of year- but my friends and family tell me all about it- filipinos are the true christmas maniacs XDDD)

and awhhh choir must be a pain ;0;;; that would remind me how on one concert- the beginners class of choir screamed on purpose even though they werent supposed to- the teacher got so pissed XDDD and YESSS PRESENTSSSS- and awh man- i actually dont own ANY consoles at all- so the only things i can ask for is steam games- last year for christmas i got just shapes and beats- which was WORTHHH

and oo YAY- now i shall mark that on my calander- XD and mine is february 7!

[kaffeinic]

21 Questions Tag

Answer twenty-one questions and tag twenty-one people.

Tagged By: @mintymiknow

~

Name: Julianne (Technically, it’s Juliana, but most people don’t say it correctly, so I opt for Julianne.)

Nickname: So many, smh.

Jules

Julie

J.

Grace (It’s a common nickname for me in my household, but I might strangle anyone else who calls me by it.)

Julia (Some strangers have called me Julia, but I don’t really like it.)

JuJu (I have two very young siblings, and this is what they could pronounce - somewhat - while they were babies.)

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Taurus (I don’t know why I dislike this so much, but I do. Maybe it has to do with the bull association.)

Current Time: When I started, it’s was about four in the morning, but now it’s 7:41pm.

Favourite Artist(s): Another long list lol.

Hilary Hahn

Sasha Sloan

Marianas Trench

Dean

Shaun

Stray Kids

Mamamoo

Rousseau

Many more, but I’ll cut myself off there.

Favourite Song: An impossible question for me, but I’ve been listening to a lot of recordings of Halvorsen pieces recently.

Song Stuck in Your Head: Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan // Hip by Mamamoo // Dommage by Bigflo & Oli (Specifically the cover by Lorelen.)

Last Movie You Saw: I vaguely remember rewatching The Hunchback of Notre Dame with my sister this week, but I could be wrong. It’s been a really long week. 😂

Last Thing You Googled: story of the hour kate chopin (It’s a great story. Very thought-provoking.)

Other Blogs:

Main: @assainfj

Writing/Books/Music... A lot of random stuff. I’m still building it.: @logastellic

Where I test designs for my blogs and my friends’ blogs: @blog-designs (I haven’t posted anything, so Tumblr won’t let me tag it properly.)

Do you get asks?: Yeah, pretty often. Some of them are requests, and some are just general questions or chatty comments. I tend to get much more when I’ve been really active.

Reason for your URL:

Main: (@/assainfj) Assai is a musical term, and I’ve always been really into music, whether it be singing, playing instruments, producing, or just listening to it day to day. INFJ is my MBTI personality type, which has been pretty accurate about who I am and what I’m like/what I believe in, so I strongly identify with it. In essence, I squished together assai and INFJ to get assainfj.

K-Pop Side Blog: (@/kaffeinic) K-Pop, like many other forms of music, often gives me bursts of energy throughout the day, so I thought of calling the blog caffeinic, but that was already taken. I then chose to change the ‘c’ to a ‘k’ for ‘k-pop,’ which wasn’t taken, and ran with it.

Random Interests Side Blog: (@/logastellic) I just found a pretty word that seemed to fit what I wanted to do at the time. Logastellus means, ‘A person whose love of words is greater than their knowledge of words.’ That was taken, so I did my best to turn it into an adjective, which isn’t a word, but I liked it and kept it.

Following: Lol not a whole lot of people, if I’m honest. I don’t typically follow people unless I know them well and/or they follow this blog or my main; It’s just the way I keep my dashboard clean. I tried to write a lil blurb for each person, but I’m not super close to everyone on this list.

@ace-marvel-chick - Good friend of mine who helped a lot with kaffeinic at the start.

@ace-on-the-case - One of the very first people to follow me on Tumblr. We haven’t spoken much, but I love what they reblog.

@akiime

@aquietkerfuffle - She has really supported me in my writing, especially when I was writing the Caffeinic series.

@ayeteaz - Side blog of one of my best friends. Things are closed at the moment, but I recommend her ships!

@bangchansmiles - We haven’t spoken a lot, but they’re so sweet and kind~

@bforbangchan

@chansdimple - Also haven’t spoken to them much, but I have a lot of respect.

@doubleknot42 - I do believe the first time I spoke to her(?) I was asking how to add links to my Tumblr bio lol. Great author, and kind friend.

@hoshithehamster - Ayeteaz main account.

@invisibleslytherin - I’ve chatted with her quite a bit about Shakespeare. For a brief period of time, she sent me daily shakespeare memes.

@kpopchangedme - Amazing author, especially if you’re a hard stan. I’m not much of a hard stan myself, but the writing and plots are awesome! She’s definitely a great chatting partner as well. Very kind. 😊

@kpurereactions - A blog run by many lovely ladies. I vaguely remember trying to become an admin a long time ago, but by the time they had gotten back to me, I had started my own writing blog. Go check out their blog!

@lisori - Another kind person whom I met in the beginning of kaffeinic. 💕

@loser-tozierr

@noona-has-a-boyfriend - A friend I grew closer to while proofreading and enjoying her work. I recommend her stories. 😃

@princelyhwang

@sideeffectsoflovingchan - I got one of my favourite writing prompts from her(?)! Very kind, and runs a cool blog.

@sparkling-studio-ghibli-water

@sshiromon

@strayyeets

@thats-a-big-yikes - We became friends when I used their user for my ‘Stray Kids as Tumblr Usernames’ post.

@vanvayne-blog - Awesome artist, but I don’t think they’ve been active much recently.

@woo-for-woojin - Another one of my closest Tumblr buddies. She’s a queen and she knows it. 💕

@wxnterlee - One of the first people to follow kaffeinic. Very kind, and always has been super supportive of my blog.

Average Amount of Sleep: 0-4 hours of sleep. It’s bad, I know.

Lucky Number: 0

Currently Wearing: Ripped jeans, black tank, black hoodie, tan coat, and i recently took off my tan work boots(?). I feel like I haven’t used the correct fashion terms for each item lol.

Dream Job: Anything in surgery or emergency medicine, or something in criminology, possibly forensics, though being an agent would be one of the coolest things I could fathom doing.

Dream Trips:

S. Korea

Australia

France

Belgium

New Zealand

Canada

Brazil

Favourite Food(s):

Dragonfruit

Chicken tacos

Pizza

Orange chicken

White rice (I’m not sure why I enjoy plain white rice so much.)

Pretty much anything spicy

Play any instruments?: Yeah, piano, and I’m trying to learn a bit more guitar. I’ve always wanted to play violin, but I don’t think it’ll ever happen.

~

Tagging: @hoshithehamster • @woo-for-woojin • @bforbangchan • @bangchansmiles • @chansdimple • @doubleknot42 • @kpopchangedme • @kpurereactions (Hopefully each of you will do it.) • @lisori • @princelyhwang • @sideeffectsoflovingchan • @strayyeets • @sshiromon • @thats-a-big-yikes • @wxnterlee

[thatfanficstuff]

Battle Scars - 11

Pairing: Tony Stark x Soulmate!Reader

Warnings: language, some injury, um...that’s it.

A/N: And thus begins the drama. [insert evil laugh here]

***

You were the first one up the next morning, which didn’t surprise you in the least. Dressed in pajama pants and a loose t-shirt, you made your way into the kitchen and pushed the button to start the coffee. You tapped your fingers on the counter as you waited for it to brew. As soon as you had it prepared the way you liked it, you padded into the living room.

“Mr. Stark on the line for you.”

That brought a grin to your face as you settled on the sofa. “Put him on, J.”

Tony’s face immediately filled the screen. His eyes ran over you and the corners of his mouth kicked up. “God, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You haven’t been gone that long, Tony,” you said, smirking over the top of your coffee cup.

He shrugged. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

You shook your head. “I doubt you called to chat, so what can I do for you?”

“I got a phone call this morning.” That was all he said before looking at you expectantly.

“Okay?” There was something you were obviously missing.

He shifted his weight. “Let me rephrase that. I got a phone call from Fury this morning.”

“Oh?” You tried to sound surprised but were certain you failed miserably. You’d kind of hoped Tony would never find out about that conversation. For one thing you loved your job. For another you loved your boss. Despite numerous indications to the contrary you really weren’t trying to piss him off.

“Oh, she says.” He looked to someone off screen and gestured toward you. When he turned back he licked his lips and his smile widened a bit. “Did you really threaten court action against SHIELD if he didn’t return your call?”

“No,” you corrected. “I told Coulson that he could call me back when he chose but that I would be at the courthouse to file papers this morning. I just happened to decide not to after we came to a mutual understanding.”

He looked at you for a moment before laughing, the action making him look years younger. “I’ve got to hand it to you, sweetheart. You never cease to surprise me.”

“You have no idea,” you muttered.

He tilted his head. “What was that?”

“Nothing. Why did Fury call you anyway? Our discussion had nothing to do with you.” You were curious but you also just wanted to change the subject.

“He let me know in no uncertain terms that he would be displeased if you lost your job with the team. He’s rather fond of you. And I don’t think he’s fond of anyone.” Tony sounded slightly shocked as he made the admission.

And if you were honest, you were pretty pleased with yourself. “He likes Maria.”

“Hill? Yeah, I guess he does.” He glanced off the screen again. “Yeah, I’m getting to it.”

Your lips twitched. “Is there a reason everyone is off screen but you?”

“Well, I was trying to have a conversation with my girl but they all want to know what happened and apparently don’t trust me to tell them later.”

A little thrill went through you when he called you his girl. You couldn’t help it.

He leaned forward and turned whatever device he was using so you could see everyone else on the other side of the room. They all said hi and waved to you while you waved back. After a moment he turned the camera to the original position. “So, what exactly happened? Fury didn’t go into specifics.”

You sat your now empty coffee cup on the table in front of you and pursed your lips. “I found Dr. Bradford harassing Wanda. She didn’t defend herself because she didn’t want to violate the terms of her probation.”

“What?” The voice came from off screen but you were pretty sure it was Clint. He’d kind of taken the twins under his wing, his affection for Wanda obvious. He liked Pietro too though it was shown in more of a ‘this guy really pisses me off’ way.

“She’s fine,” you were quick to add. “But that couldn’t stand. They have to be able to defend themselves without repercussions. Fury and I went back and forth for a bit but we rewrote the probation agreement. I can send it to you or you can review it when you get back.”

Tony watched you for a moment, his dark eyes studying you. “Part of the reason this works is because we trust you, Y/N.” His voice had turned soft. “We’ll look at it when we get back. Which should be soon by the way.”

You nodded though he didn’t see it because he’d looked away again.

His gaze was quick to come back to you. “Got to go, Babe. Talk to you later.” He cut the connection before you even had a chance to respond.

***

You were halfway through your second cup of coffee when you heard a thud followed by a quiet shout. “Jarvis?” you said immediately, hoping he’d picked up the cause in his monitoring.

“It appears Sergeant Barnes is having a nightmare, Miss. Shall I wake him?”

“I don’t think an AI waking him up is going to help anything,” you said as you got to your feet. You hurried to the room you’d set up for Bucky and knocked on the door. “Buck?”

When the only response was another low shout, you opened the door. You sincerely hoped Bucky didn’t sleep in the nude. Your gaze fell on the bed and your chest ached a little at the sight before you. The sweat soaked soldier was tangled in the sheets. Hair covered his face as he twisted and turned. The only word you could understand from his muffled shouts was ‘no’.

Stepping closer to the bed, you called his name again. “Bucky, wake up, honey. It’s okay. Nothing here is going to hurt you.” When he didn’t respond, you repeated the words only louder.

Anxiety swamped you—far more than the situation warranted, in fact. As you were trying to figure out why, you placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Sometimes you were really fucking stupid.

In a flash, the super soldier’s hand on was on your chest and he used it to shove you backward across the room. Somehow, you’d managed to angle yourself so it was your shoulder that slammed into the doorframe instead of your spine. You grunted as the pain flared through you. “Ow.”

Bucky’s face immediately cleared and he held up both hands as he took a large step backward. You watched his expression as he processed what was going on. When his eyes went wide and guilt contorted his features, you immediately closed the distance between the two of you. You placed your hands on his upper arms to keep him from moving away from you. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

He shook his head and jerked away from you, moisture flooding his eyes. “No. I hurt you. I could have—”

You cut him off there. “You could have but you didn’t. This is my fault, Barnes, not yours. You were simply trying to get me out of your space. I knew better than to wake you up like that. I’m sorry.”

He huffed and raked a hand through his hair. “I hurt you and you’re the one apologizing?” He turned from you and paced back and forth on a tiny section of his floor with his hands on his hips. “Damn it!” His fist punching the wall emphasized his statement. You’d worry about him hurting himself, but he’d used the metal hand.

“Bucky, seriously, it’s fine. I don’t want you—” You cut off with a yell as you bent forward and pressed a hand against the side of your face. A jolt of pain rocked through your entire body, almost as if you had impacted with something and that overwhelming anxiety was back. What the hell?

“Y/N, are you okay?” Bucky sounded frantic and for some reason you got the impression it wasn’t the first time he’d asked.

“What’s going on?” you heard Pietro ask from the doorway.

You breathed out in a long, steady stream before straightening. The pain was gone as quick as it had come, only the ache in your shoulder remaining. Your hand dropped and Bucky’s eyes went almost comically wide. “What the hell, Y/N?”

“What is it?” Wanda piped up and you turned to face her. Her gaze narrowed and pure fury flashed across her face as she brought her hands up. She turned her glare on Bucky. “You hurt her.”

“No! Stop Wanda,” you yelled as red tendrils began to surround her hands. “It wasn’t him.”

She frowned and dropped her hands. You glanced between them to find them all looking at you with varying degrees of worry and confusion. With a sigh, you went to the closest mirror and gasped. The right side of your face was covered with a series of darkening bruises. What the hell had Tony done this time?

***

After explaining to the others that you had a soulmate without mentioning who it was, you excused yourself to your room. You looked horrible but at least the bruising on face had taken Bucky’s mind from what happened when you woke him. Your shoulder still ached as you slid your shirt off and turned to look at it in the mirror. Shit. That was going to bruise. And badly.

Putting your shirt back on, you sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Something had changed in your connection with Tony. You’d never been able to feel his emotions or his pain before. That overwhelming anxiety had to come from him, right? You’d really like to ask him if he knew what the hell was going on, but that might be a little awkward since you hadn’t told him you were his soulmate yet.

You growled in frustration. What was wrong with you? The one person that could probably help you with this, you couldn’t ask. You sighed and dropped your head into your hands. And if anything, that anxious feeling you’d had earlier had only gotten worse. You weren’t certain how long you sat like that before Jarvis interrupted you.

“You have a voice only call from Dr. Banner, Miss.”

You cleared your throat and laid back on your bed, wincing at the pressure on your shoulder. “Put him through.”

“Hey, Bruce. What’s up?”

“What’s up? What the fuck is wrong with you? What’s going on over there? Christ, Y/N. I’m going crazy over here and you’re all ‘what’s up’.” Bruce was obviously more than a little irritated.

You could hear the sounds of the jet in the background as you sat up. “Calm down, Bruce. You know what happens when you get excited.”

“Hulk’s not going to show up just because I’m pissed at you. Trust me.”

“What did I do?”

He grumbled but you couldn’t make out the words. When he spoke up, it was little more than a strained whisper and you were certain that wherever he was on the jet, he was trying not to be overheard. “Let me paint a picture for you, Y/N. The team was in the middle of a fight when all of a sudden, Tony feels this overwhelming wave of fear and a horrible pain in his shoulder. It’s so distracting that he loses his focus, takes a hit and crashes.”

You gasped.

“He’s fine. Just a little beat up. And going out of his fucking mind about what happened to his soulmate and why he can feel her all of a sudden.” The last words were as close to a yell as he could get while whispering. “He’s freaking out talking about his soulmate in one breath and you in the next and how he needed to find her but didn’t want to hurt you and you’re the same fucking person and his helmet is messed up and he can’t get Jarvis or he’d already be looking for her, you, whatever, and I swear by every scientific law in existence that if you don’t tell him I will because I’ve never seen him like this and I don’t like it, Y/N, this isn’t Tony, this is some weird version of Tony and you need to fix it because I don’t like him like this—”

“Okay, Bruce,” you interrupted when it was obvious he wasn’t going to take a breath any time soon. “I’ll tell him when you get back.”

There was a brief stretch of silence. “You will?”

“I’d already planned on it. Besides, look at him. I get his bruises, too, remember? It’s not like I can hide this.”

“I guess I didn’t consider that.” He sounded much calmer and you were no longer worried he was going to Hulk out on the jet.

“There’s just one thing I want to know,” you said. “The man wears a metal suit. How does he get so beat up all the time?”

***

Battle Scars:  @i-dontwikeit @thevanishedillusion @amandamartinez3568 @clumsy-hailles @little-nonny @tonystarkismyboy @redfoxwritesstuff @lowkeyofsassguard @sherlocked-whovian-1969 @tori24rose @a--1--1--3 @youclickedthislink @beckastark @confusedhada @bluehuskey2099 @kit-kat-katie99 @sexysamsungl @staringmoony @xleviiiix @inthemindofanother @buttercup337 @henrietteoaks @superwholock-fangir1 @ineedmorefanfics @bignastyfan-nz @kpoplover1306-depressedgirl315 @lilulo-12 @aqua0928 @proserpinepluto @tuliptx @fandom-princess-forevermore @xlosttdreamss @paetonnn @ingenue-q

All the Things: @swanky-batman @rissyrapp20 @startrekkingaroundasgard @spooookyscary @taylordrunkonwhiskey @laneygthememequeen @collette04 @shatteredabby @thewolf-and-thesheep 

[the-walking-memelords]

Allegiances: Chapter 15

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 16

Series is rated M

Word Count: 1879

Clementine visits an old friend to vent her fears.

Read it on Ao3!

Read it on Wattpad!

A/N: Hey sorry for the short and late update. Life threw me through many loops the last couple weeks and I'm still not really 100% I hope to get back on track soon now that the semester is over and things are calming down. Love y'all and thanks for putting up with me lol

Clementine stood in the shadows as she felt the rumble of the train below her feet. Soft golden sunrays flooded in through the boxcar door. The breeze caused her cream-coloured skirt to flutter around her legs as she stepped closer to the open door. The air was a sweet smell. Wildflowers and autumn leaves.

A blur of gold and blue flashed by as the train looped endlessly, travelling without a destination. This train wasn’t heading to Savannah, which was good since that was the last place she ever wanted to be again. Cities were terrible, that’s all that place had taught her. Thousands of the dead hunting for any unfortunate soul who remained; the rotting stench suffocating every bit of air.

Ben, Molly, Chuck… nearly Kenny as well…

Any lost name was one too many. The names of those who tried to keep her safe only piled higher.

Katjaa and Duck.

Those who didn’t make it to the city.

Not to mention those who were lost from the start.

Mom and Dad.

The soft, kind smiles they always wore upon seeing her were replaced with the hungry grimaces of the dead at their final meeting with their daughter. Their dull skin ripped and riddled with bites. The sight searing into the young girl’s eyes.

Clementine grabbed the brim of her hat holding the unstained cap in front of her as she sat on the edge of the cool metal, her legs swinging freely off the side.

She traced her fingers over the seam of the D, the insignia showing no signs of wear. The surrounding white showed brightly. Her fingertips moved to the blank location of the one stain that never came out. The blood of the man who was by her side since the beginning. The stain was a reminder of her stupid, childish mistake, and the man who died trying to correct it.

Clem hugged the hat close with one arm, the other feeling through her tied-back hair. She let her fingers catch in the knots as she raked her hand through.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that, Sweetpea.”

Clementine’s heart jumped at the familiar nickname. She looked over her shoulder at the smiling man, so real in front of her it was as if the past eight years had not occurred. Same blue button-up over a long-sleeved white shirt.

Lee.

“Helps me focus.” Was all she could mumble out as her hand fell to her lap, replacing the cap on her head.

She focused her eyes on the weeds flying past, unable to look up at him as he joined her on the edge.

“The train again…” He stated.

“You always pick the train.”

The train where everything changed.

“This is where it all started. Where I learned to be a survivor.” Clem pointed out.

“Where you taught me to shoot and cut my hair.”

Clementine knew she’d let him down. Lee taught her better than this, but she still became just another monster.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice caught in her throat.

“You say that every time.” Lee let out a small laugh.

“And I still don’t think you have anything to apologize to me for.”

She glanced over at him, his kind eyes looked at her with a pride she didn’t hold in herself.

“It’s happening again. My friends are dying because of me, because I’m a liar.” Despair in her words as they rolled off her tongue.

“This group… I’ve been with so many, but this one is different. I want to stay with them. I’m sick of starting over.”

She just wanted to stop, even for just a moment. A moment to rest. A moment without a war. A moment without thinking about the next fight. A moment of peace.

“I’m scared, Lee. The others are counting on me, and I don’t know if what I’m doing is right.” Clem picked at the hem of her skirt.

“I don’t know where AJ is, or if he’s even still alive. And Louis… he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost either of them.” Clementine bit her lip hard, taking a deep breath as she held back the tears.

“So Louis is your boyfriend, huh?” The man teased, trying to cheer her up.

“Shut up.” Clementine felt her face grow warm.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Sweetpea.” Lee chuckled as he patted her head.

“Finding love in a world like this, that's something worth fighting for.”

“He doesn’t even know AJ, but he still wants to help me save him.” She crossed her arms tight as a familiar fear crept up her spine

“If he got hurt or worse because of me, I couldn't live with myself. He doesn’t know what he’s up against. If he did, he would understand why I have to go alone.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment. Clementine’s frustration and fear hanging over her like a heavy fog, blocking her senses from all else.

“He understands that that boy means everything to you, and to him, that’s enough of a reason to fight.”

“Do you think AJ will like it at the school?” The physical conditions of the boarding school were rougher than at the Delta, limited food and no power or running water. But they’d be safe, and together. That would be enough, right?

“I don’t think that kid would care where he goes if he gets to stay with you.” Lee assured.

“How was he, the last time you saw him?”

God, it was so long ago.

“Okay enough, I guess.” But there was a worry that had been bothering her for some time, like an itch that couldn’t be scratched.

“I’m worried that Lilly’s been trying to get into his head.”

Lilly wasn’t exactly a positive influence on the boy. She was a master of manipulation, Clem feared it would be all to easy for her to shape AJ into whatever tool she wanted him to be.

All the more reason to kill her sooner.

“Lilly.” Lee’s voice was low, almost like a growl as the words passed his lips.

“I knew the day we kicked her out that she was turning into a monster. I just wish I’d noticed it a few seconds sooner.”

Carley.

“To think of all the trouble I might’ve saved you if I’d just gotten payback then and there.”

“You’re not the revenge type, Lee.” Clementine couldn’t imagine Lee gunning down Lilly on the side of the road for what she’d done.

“I didn’t think I was either until you got nabbed.” The man’s hands clenched into fists at the thought of that stranger.

“You were just protecting me. That’s why you kill, to protect people. That’s why I shot him, to protect you.” The second she’d pulled the trigger the gun felt as if it had grown a hundred times heavier, slipping through her shaking fingers as his body hit the floor.

“I’ve hurt so many people since then. People who didn’t deserve to die.”

She told herself it was what had to be done. But no amount of self-justification could take away the crushing knot in her stomach whenever she did it.

“I want Lilly to be the last. I don’t want to hurt any more people.” It was the closest Clementine felt to James’ pacifism. Yet killing walkers left no burden on her.

“Lilly dies, and I bring Violet and the others home.”

Hopefully, their rescue would make up for all of her lies. The sound of Violet’s screams as she was dragged away echoed in her head.

I hope you’re okay, Vi.

“I know it’s hard, Clem, but having people you care about? That's a good thing.” Lee’s soothing voice gave her a sense of calm.

“You’ve got a little boy who thinks the world of you, and he’s waiting for you to go get him. Another boy who loves you, and would fight for you without hesitation. A best friend who risked her life to save yours. And all the other friends you’ve made. You’ll all be home soon, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that.” She knew Lee had no sway in the events to come.

“You’re not even really here.”

The man who stood before her was nothing but a wishful dream.

“I wish I was, Clementine. I guess we’ll just have to make do with pretending.” His smile fell as he let out a sad sigh.

“The last thing I wanted to do was leave you alone in the middle of this mess.”

“The world turned to hell, and you got stuck taking care of a little kid.” How long would Lee have lived if their paths hadn’t crossed? Surely longer than a few mere months.

“And it seems you followed right in my footsteps.” He jested. Lee had a point, circumstances be damned their situations had played out eerily similar.

Clementine glanced over at the man as he rose from his spot, catching his balance as the train rumbled beneath him. Lee stepped away from the light, the shadows of the dark car nearly obscuring his facial features.

“I’m so proud of you, Clem.” His voice caught with emotion.

“Don’t you dare forget that.”

Clementine couldn’t hold back anymore. The little girl jumped to her feet and flung her arms around him. She hugged him tightly as if he might disappear into the wind. A sob escaped her tiny body as her tears stained the blue of his shirt.

The train’s whistle cutting through the silence signified that their time was coming to a close. It took a lot for Clementine to force herself to let go of him, but when she did, Lee’s eyes filled with amazement as he saw his little girl all grown up.

“Wow…” He gasped.

“Just look at you.”

Clem took a step back as she blinked tears from her eyes. Her worn denim jacket and mud-stained cargo pants replacing her innocent summer dress and tights. Dark curls fluttered around her face no longer held back by her hat or hair ties.

“I’m done running, Lee. I have a home now. A family.” She promised him she’d always keep moving, but now she’d found something better.

“I have one more battle, then I’m done fighting as well.”

“Then I guess you’re off the hook.” He laughed.

“A home and a family is more than I ever could have hoped for you.”

The train whistled again, a rude reminder that it was time to go. Lee shook his head disapprovingly, seeming just as annoyed by it as she was.

“There are people that need you, Clementine.” He reminded with a soft smile.

“Come see me again once you bring everyone home. Okay, Sweetpea?”

“Okay, Lee.” Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart as she watched him disappear into the shadows

“Goodbye.”

The shadows swarmed around her, blocking out the golden hues until they were replaced with the overhead bars of her cold bunk bed.

Clementine sat up, stretching her arms over her head as she looked around the empty moonlit room.

A knock at her door made her jump.

“Clementine?” She heard Mitch call from the other side.

“It’s time to go.”

One more fight.

[whatroseisreading]

Sometimes I struggle finding a book in the store. I can browse for hours, and still have no clue what to read. I become anxious looking at all the covers. I pick up a book, read the back, flip to the first chapter, but I don’t want to buy it. It’s not that my literature interests are narrow, it’s that most of my reading has been in Young Adult (YA) fiction. And the moment that I realized that I should try something more mature, was exciting, and intimidating.

Over the summer, I made a promise to myself when I signed up for the Adult Reading Program at my library, that I was to only read adult fiction. I would stay out of the homey shelves of YA titles, and pick up a “grown up” book.

I turned to corner from the main desk and down a random aisle, my eye-line settled on a familiar title: A Discovery of Witches, by Debora Harkness. When I first attempted to read this book, it was back with this book first was published. I originally shelved it because I thought it was hard to read. I couldn’t get past the first few chapters. But when I came across this again (when I dropped off my very overdue books) at the beginning of the summer, I decided to give it a second read. I returned it in two weeks and got the second book. I had to get the audio book, so when I was at work I was still reading.

A Discovery of Witches, is a good book to start with if you have primarily read YA fiction, but want to have more adult content. It’s not a head read, the vocabulary in the book is as about eleventh-twelfth grade; so not a hard hitting read. Harkness also has a very easy writing style that it is easy to fall into. The author does use the passive voice in her novel, but it’s not distracting to the flow of the sentences. You can easily read this book in a day, it’s only 579 pages!

The basic premise is a young scholar finds out that she’s been in the middle of a war between her sub culture of powerful witches, immortal vampires and genius daemons. And she had a power that may be the key. It was a plot that I’ve seen dozens of time in YA fiction. But what was different about this title, that it had more adult themes throughout the book: survival, fear, coming into your own sexuality (to name a few).

Diana Bishop meets a mysterious stranger, Matthew Clarimont. He’s family is an intricate part of the conflict that’s going on between witches, vampires, and daemons. The story follows Diana at the first person point of view character and her journey to find who she really is. Along her quest, she falls for the protective vampire. Their love grows against the odds of their subculture world. The fall in love even though it’s against the rules of the Covenant of vampires, witches and daemons.

There are many different relationships explored in this novel. You first are introduced to Diana’s rough relationship with her Aunt Sarah. It’s loving, but Aunt Sarah has a neurotic voice that’s shown in the first chapter over a phone call with Diana, Aunt Sarah and her life partner (and Diana’s mom best friend) Emily. Diana’s conversation is different with Aunt Sarah than it is with Emily. Aunt Sara has a very protective and fierce approach to the opening issue, whilst Emily is nurturing, and makes you feel calm like a mother would. I noted this because while Emily is not her family, Diana has always counted Emily part of her life since it’s the closest person to her own mother that she’ll have, since Aunt Sarah and Diana’s mother had a strenuous relationship almost until her death.

Matthew has his own purpose in the plot. Matthew with the help of his vampire colleagues: Miriam and Marcus lead their fields in DNA mapping and evolutionary sciences. The novel first shows the vampire trio in their state-of-the-art laboratory where they are working on a survival project: the extinction of vampires across the globe. Miriam is a strong woman and shows the reader the long-standing friendship of these two powerful creatures. Marcus, Matthew’s son, is very eager and becomes a very lovable character throughout the series. Both of these relationships are very important to the plot of this book and keep you interested because of the dynamic outside of the main romance of the book,

This a good adult beginner book for older YA readers, is that it had some familiar plot points that we enjoy reading. A Discovery of Witches, had a female lead who’s personality doesn’t get lost after she meets her male counterpart. You as a reader never feels like your picture of the lead changes as the book progresses. I liked that Diana discovered this power within her and becomes stronger than Matthew, the vampire. Matthew’s agency at the begging changes from his own personal reason to helping Diana discover her own power and her family’s past.

Diana learns a lot about who she is through the book, and it’s told from Diana’s voice. The author does a fantastic good job when each character, even from first person Diana’s narrative, you can see and hear each character vividly. Each character has their own motives that can be seen and understood.

Harkness herself is also a professor in the material that Diana is researching, Elizabethan era and Alchemy. The material that is discussed in the book is well researched and you can understand Diana when she discusses it thought the plot.

A reader like me, that reads YA series like the Throne of Glass series, by Sarah J. Maas, should pick up this book. Not only do I feel that it’s better written, the book shares themes that we may be able to identify with. It had a main character that is closer to my age that the average character in the YA books. But it also shows the readers themes that I can identify with: love, prejudice and (later in the series) parenting. It was one of the reasons why I think that my twenty-year-self first reaction was to shelve it.

This book was one of the books that steered me away from reading strictly YA books. This summer after I read A Discovery of Witches, was the first time that I wandered upstairs to the fiction section at my library. The book over all was a captivating read. And I recommend this to any reader like me, that is looking for something more mature.

[winvnasa]

        it’s   a   me   ,   a   mario   !   not   really   though   !   my   name   is   dani   ,   i’m   twenty   one   ,   i   live   in   the   central   standard   timezone   ,   and   i   never   fuckin’   learned   how   to   read   .   welcome   to   my   ted   talk   about   one   of   my   favorite   muses   ever   .   the   indomitable   and   completely   vain   winona   rhee   ,   our   generation’s   hermione   j.   granger      (   literally   )   &   angst   queen   that   possesses   the   discography   of   marina   diamindis   .  also  ,  like  this   &  i’ll  come  to  you  for  plots  ! 

         ˗ˏˋ  jennie kim  ／  she & her  ／  twenty - one  .  welcome to  los  angeles ,  hae-won   ‘   winona   ‘   rhee  !  the  glitterati  has  been  watching  you  .  rumour has  it  you  made  your  first  mark  in  the  industry  sixteen  years  ago  &  that  your net  worth  currently  stands  at  8m  .  it  seems  as  though  you’re  enjoying  being  an  actress / singer  since  relocating  from  manhattan  ,  new  york  .  some  might  say you’d  be  a  good  fit  for  the  glitterati  due  to  your  hollywood  ranking  being  a  solid  #3   ,  &  it  helps  that  fans  speak  so  highly  of  your  cultured   &   beguiling  ways  .  unfortunately  ,  our  sources  cite  that  those  closest  to  you  aren’t  particularly  impressed with  your   hedonistic   &   impulsive  tendencies  .

* BASICS  .

so   i   have   an   incredibly   long   biography   and   stat   sheet   for   winona   that   you   can   find   here   .   she   has   a   playlist   here   ,   a   pinterest   here   ,   and   a   social   media   page   that   i   did   just   for   funsies   here   !

but   basically   ,   winona   was   a   childhood   starlet   who   got   her   start   from   ballet   shoes   .   when   she   was   nine   years   old   ,   she   was   cast   as   hermione   j   .   granger   in   harry   potter   and   the   rest   is   history   .   but   tbh   ,   it   was   a   groundbreaking   thing   and   it   highkey   changed   her   life   .   the   role   was   going   to   go   to   a   white   actress   but   there   was   something   riveting   and   adorable   about   hae-won   rhee   !   so   she   grew   up   in   the   spotlight   and   she   loved   it   .  

but   despite   the   fame   and   the   fortune   that   was   piling   up   for   her   ,   she   was   experiencing   other   issues   .   her   mother   was   intensely   controlling   ,   desperate   for   a   way   to   keep   a   grip   on   something   -   as   her   marriage   was   going   down   the   drain   .   her   brother   was   jealous   of   his   sister's   stardom   and   resentful   of   the   fact   that   even   though   he   had      been   acting   longer   ,   she   was   the   one   who   had   secured   the   star   ,   and   her   father   was   finding   solace   in   a   different   woman's   arms   every   night   .  

by   the   time   that   she   was   sixteen   ,   things   began   to   take   a   toll   on   winona   ,   who   was   used   to   touring   and   being   in   different   places   at   all   times   .   but   when   she   was   home   ,   she   noticed   this   tension   and   it   drove   her   absolutely   crazy   because   she   couldn't   figure   out   what   was   causing   it   .   her   mother   was   stressing   her   out   and   ...   well   ,   puberty   hit   winona   hard   .   and   not   in   a   flattering   way   .   the   baby   fat   that   people   had   thought   cute   was   suddenly   the   same   thing   that   they   were   attacking   her   for   .   and   it   absolutely   ruined   her   sense   of   confidence   .  

by   the   age   of   seventeen   ,   her   parents   had   gotten   a   divorce   and   they   had   decided   that   the   rhee   siblings   would   live   with   her   father   and   his   new   young   ,   young   wife   .   this   was   something   that   winona   wasn't   very   pleased   with   ,   as   it   meant   that   she   had   to   pretend   to   like   the   woman   who   had   made   her   mother   act   smaller   .   it   was   also   this   year   that   winona   lost   all   that   'unattractive'   weight   by   a   series   of   unhealthy   diets   and   ideologies   that   ended   up   within   the   tabloids   as   she   was   shooting   the   last   hp   movie   .   winona   was   suddenly   controlled   in   ways   that   she   hadn't   been   before   and   as   a   result,   her   father   demanded   that   she   go   to   college   and   receive   a   formal   education   with   peers   her   own   age   .   as   soon   as   the   press   tour   was   over   ,   her   father's   deep   pockets   were   being   used   to   pay   for   a   degree   in   drama   from   julliard   .   winona   raged   -   but   her   mother   told   her   to   go   .   because   if   she   didn't   ,   she   wouldn't   get   access   to   the   trust   fund   that   was   holding   all   her   money   .

and   honestly   ,   that's   where   she   spent   the   next   two  years   .      when  her  father  released  some  of  the  funds  to  her  trust   ,   winona   promptly   packed   up   her   belongings   and   decided   to   try   her   hand   in   los   angeles   .   she   wants   to   be   known   as   more   than   hermione   granger   .   and   as   a   result   ,   she's   working   on   releasing   new   music  and   ignoring   her   father's   calls  and  his  demands  that  she  finish  schooling.

* PERSONALITY / MUSE INSPO .

positive  traits  :  dogmatic  ,  beguiling  ,  observant  , &  cultured  .  

negative  traits  :    meddlesome  ,  manipulative  ,  hedonistic  ,  vicious  ,  impetuous  ,  &  impulsive  .

muse  inspo  :  cher horowitz  ,  petra  solano  ,  amy  dunn  ,  lydia  martin  ,  quinn  fabray  ,  michaela  pratt  &  carrie  bradshaw  .

i   hate  to  say  this  but  winona  is  the  worst  .  while  not  outwardly  cruel  to  those  who  haven’t  done  anything  to  her  ,  she’s  no  polly  pocket  either  . she  can  be  very  blunt  and vicious  .  but  she  is  also  super  manipulative  .  in  front  of  the  press ?  she  is  an  angel  .  a  relatable  hollywood  darling & an  adored  former  child  star  .  she’s  also  insanely  insecure  and  doubts  herself  heavily  .  so  if  you  comment  on  her  appearance  ,  it’s  like  going  straight  for  her  throat  since  she  tries  to  make  herself  seem  perfect   .

* WANTED CONNECTIONS . 

the  ex  girlfriend  .  despite  her  own  hangups  about  her  sexuality  ,  winona  has  been  in  a  few  relationships  with  other  girls  before  .  they’ve  all  been  highly  privatized  ,  conducted  in  secret  .  maybe  she  got  sick  of  it  ,  maybe  winona  ended  it  before  she  could  fall  in  love  -  the  reasons  are  up  to  you  .  

the  pr  relationship  . this  person  would  definitely  be  male  .  and  they  can  not  stand  each  other  .  every  time  they’re  in  the  room  together  ,  it’s  constant  sniping  .  we  could  combine  it  with  enemies  with  benefits  or  leave  it  as  a  platonic  show  relationship  but  it’s  up  to  you  as  well  .  

 the  ride  or  die  . this  person  knows  winona  deep  down  .  they  tolerate  her  cruelty  ,  even  though  it’s  never  directed  at  them  and  they  give  back  as  good  as  they  get  .  there’s  never  a  time  when  they  aren’t  seen  together  .  

i’m  always  down  to  plot  more  so  like  this  and  i’ll  come  to  you  !  :)

[hildorien]

Fate, Free Will, and what that means.

I wrote this as my high school senior thesis. I am still very proud of it and I’m I hope people take a look at it because my post about of the race of men deserve better got some notes and I defiantly go into topics I ranted about there in this with better wording and more citations.

This is a better rebloggable version.

The Silmarillion is J.R.R. Tolkien’s most ambitious but least known work. He was never satisfied with it, to the point that it was only published after his death by his son,  Christopher Tolkien, who acted as the editor. It tells the story of Middle-earth from it’s contraception until the Third Age, or rather when Lord of the Rings starts thus it acts as a complex prequel for those books. For most of the story, it tells the tales of Elves and their struggles in the harsh world of Middle-earth, though some stories focus on the Race of Men, the name for humans in Middle-earth. Throughout the book, it weaves grand tales of both loss and triumph, murder and heroism, and history and myth closely together.

The Silmarillion has all of these things, but out of all themes, the one most commonly touched upon is that of Fate. What does it mean to be tied to fate? Can you defy Fate? And with a Fate, what does it actually mean to have free will? Can the two exist in the same space? Characters interact with Fate in different ways. Some try to defy it either by running away from it or trying to change it,  while others allow fate to have their way with them, flowing with it instead of against it. This being said, unlike many book series, The Silmarillion is doesn’t have a clear definitive answer of which of these is wrong or right, and it is wholly reliant on who you are talking about, as well as who is writing the story.

Fate and Free will are two very different things in the legends of Tolkien. You either have one or the other. A fact is wholly reliant on who you are within Tolkien’s works, meaning what race (Elf, Dwarf, Men, etc) you are. Inspired by Germanic, Anglo-Saxon, and Norse myths and folktales, as well his own Christianity, Tolkien weaved a very clear picture of Fate and Freewill in The Silmarillion, as well his other works. These three things that very little in common, but Tolkien somehow worked it so that these very different concepts weave together to make a perfect, and frankly, sad picture. In many Norse and Germanic myths, every person is dictated by a great destiny (Fate) and no one no matter, how much they try can be free of that destiny (Fate). This differs from Christian mythos, where people have Free will and not a unavoidable destiny. Free will, for good or ill, is a gift from God, and being a devout Catholic, Tolkien felt that he needed to reconcile this in his works. He determined that some creatures in his world have the more Germanic-Nordic Fate while some have Christian-inspired Free will.

We see the later described most clearly in the chapter, Ainulindalë. In the Ainulindalë, which acts as a kind of creation myth for Middle-earth, it explains what forces willed the world into existence, as well as explains where Fate, as it relates to the creatures of this world, comes from. We see that there is a supreme God, Eru Ilúvatar, and his Ainur, who act as both minor Gods and Angels. Readers are told that in this myth Eru Ilúvatar instructed his Ainur to sing a great theme together and that theme will become the world, meaning that Middle-earth is basically sung into existence, or rather they try too. If Eru Ilúvatar and the Ainur are God and the angels, there has to be a Devil, and his name is Melkor, the greatest of all the Ainur. And it is he who starts messing up the theme from the perfection that Eru Ilúvatar first envisioned for his world with his own “loud, and vain” music (The Silmarillion, pg.18), but Eru Ilúvatar just starts over, only for it to be ruined again.

The last and final time, Ilúvatar rises sternly and raises his right hand to begin a third. Melkor tries to corrupt this theme with the volume of his music, but it is powerful enough to prevent him from succeeding. Eventually he shows the Ainur what they have created with their theme, which includes the lush world of Middle-earth, in which dwells Ilúvatar’s own personal creations the Elves and Men. He shows them thousands of years of history up until the domination of Men, and then instructs them if they want to be part of that they must leave his halls and join the world with the condition that they can not return to him until the end of the world, which many do (The Silmarillion, pg.15-22).

This story is significant because it blatantly shows us what Fate is to Tolkien, which is known in the text as the Music of the Ainur. A pre-oridanted plan that the powers of this world sung, according to Ilúvatar’s instruction, thus was his plan, all before any creature walked in Middle-earth. But it does not end here. In the chapter Beginning of Days, Tolkien throws a metaphorical curveball. As alluded to above, he explains that while some creatures are ruled completely and totally by Fate (or the Music of Ainur), in this cause, the Ainur, themselves, who came down into the world, now known as the Valar and Maiar, themselves and the Elves, who The Silmarillion describes as “them in the nature of Ainur” (The Silmarillion, pg. 41) some are completely free of it, like Men. This is also the reason why the later are immortal, while the latter is mortal. As long as the world exists, so will those creatures be bound to to the music that brought it to life; where if you die, you are not bound to the world, thus not bound to the music (Fate).

A common theme in The Silmarillion and other materials, is the fight between immortality and mortality, which in itself is a branch of the Fate debate in Tolkien works. As it is an Elf’s fate to stay tied to the world forever and never die (but instead to be reincarnated over and over again if they are slain). While Men are Fated, in a way, to die and leave the bounds of the world forever, this actually allows the Race of Men to have the truest Free will; not being bound to the music. In the The Silmarillion, it states Men “seek beyond the world and Fate no rest therein; but they should have virtue to shape their life…beyond the music of Ainur (pg.42), meaning their actions are free from the theme of the Ainur, but not meaningless. Contrast this to the Elves have purpose within the world but they had no freedom within this purpose; they are players in a grand play and can’t deviate from their script. However yet, there are many that still try and improvise to mix results.

Two great examples of fudging with Fate would be the love story of Beren and Lúthien, which is a tale of fighting against fate, versus the tragedy of Andreth and Aegnor, which is a tale of surrendering oneself to their fate.

Both are stories of romances between a immortal Elf and a mortal Human, both of whom share a great and deep love, but can never truly be together because of their clashing Fates, one being deathless and the other being fated to die, will tear them apart in the end, for that is the fate of Men and Elves.

The only thing is Beren and Lúthien overcome this fate and are united in death, while Aegnor and Andreth are forever sundered until the breaking of the world. Lúthien defies Fate by fighting it when her lover dies. She leaves to plead with the closest thing Tolkien has devised to a god of the dead, not unlike Orpheus from Greek mythology, to plead with him (Mandos) to plead with Ilúvatar himself to give her back her mortal Eurydice, her now dead Beren. And she gets her wish, her and Beren’s happy end, her only condition being that she too must becomes mortal, letting go of her Elvish life (her father, mother, and Elvish friends) for a mortal one to be with her true love in death, wherever Men go when they die (The Tale of Beren and Lúthien, J. R. R. Tolkien).

In contrast, Aegnor, a Elvish prince falls in love with a mortal wise women, Andreth, but instead of defying the stars and moving mountains to be with his one true love, as Elves are mentioned to love only once in their immortals life for the most part (Laws and Customs of the Eldar, pg.17), he leaves, he runs rather than fight for them. This is something that leaves both of them bitter, especially Andreth. Who saw this action as himself saying that she was not good enough for him, as sees himself as a supernaturally beautiful Elf and her a average mortal women (Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth, Ring of Morgoth, J.R.R. Tolkien).

The narrative shows Lúthien’s choice to defy Fate and fight as positive and rewards for it, while being more split on Aegnor. The narrative seems to show him pity, in a way portraying him (and Andreth) as sad victims, who had to make rough choices (but in their situation, the right ones) but at the same time putting his actions in a glaringly negative light. The two sides are shown by being represented in the take by Finrod, Aegnor’s brother, who is trying to get Andreth, who represents the negative, to understand why he did what he did, though even he never tries to forgive him (thus pitying him but not absolving him). Here the two are sundered by fate, separated by powers beyond their control. And to make matters worse, Aegnor, the immortal, dies before Andreth, the mortal, in battle as if life was burying one last knife into the back of these two tragic lovers. It is easy for one to read this as a narrative punishment for him as well, in the same vein of how Lúthien was rewarded.

This may make it seem that the narrative, thus Tolkien himself, is advocating for a person to defy their Fate though, it is not that simple. Don’t think that all one needs to do is have faith to give it a good try; just because Beren and Lúthien were lucky, their happy story is a rare one in The Silmarillion. More often things end badly for those who defy Fate, and are struck down without mercy by the act itself.

Those often struck down by fate are often described to be Doomed in Tolkien, as one reads deeper into The Silmarillion, Fate and Doom become one and the same for many of Tolkien’s characters, particularly the Elvish ones. The Noldor Elves, for example, are described as Doomed (Fated) to have both great glory and great tragedy when they travel to Middle-earth for their crimes during a time called the darkening which includes the genocide of the Teleri Elves (Of the Flight of the Noldor, The Silmarillion, pg.73-91). Particularly, the sons of Fëanor, who end up being characters who are both evil, though sympathetic to many readers. It is here we see Tolkien’s most Germanic-Nordic influences, because in typical Germanic-Nordic tradition Fate and Doom are the same. Life is a harsh mistress, and we, or at least the characters in these tales, as beings of this Earth, are merely playthings, and trying to deny one’s Fate is to only bring more Doom on yourself. To try and fight the powers that be is utterly fruitless because you will not win.

It is telling that the Elves of the First Age, where most of The Silmarillion take place, are shown throughout to be fiery, stubborn, and un-perfect characters who defy Fate and the powers of the world, and bring Doom onto them, this is far different from the wise, calm, borderline perfect creatures we see when we read The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. One of the major themes, or lessons the Elves, as a group in universe, learn throughout all of the legendarium of Tolkien’s work is to accept their Fate, that all they love, fought, and bleed for in Middle-earth will fade and the Men will replace them. The Elves in later works no longer fight this Fate anymore, opting to just go where the music of Ainur take them. This is why we see them departing at the end of Lord of the Rings, happily in many cases like that of the Elf lady, Galadriel. But even then, it’s not entirely sweet. This might be their Fate to leave for a land as forever youthful as the Elves themselves, as the Undying lands (Valinor, in The Silmarillion) are, they still love Middle-earth and those within it and do not desire to leave it forever like they must. And it is this that many consider their Doom, no matter how much they love Middle-earth, they can never have it. Even those like the Green Elves, the Sindar, who have lived in Middle-earth for generations, it is their home, and have never known the Undying lands, but they must still leave it for fear of becoming like wraiths in constant pain, faded in a way.

In a lot of ways this echoes the story of Aegnor and Andreth, with Aegnor representing the Elves and Andreth representing Middle-earth, but also mortals, who many Elves see as brothers and sisters in-arms, as well as in some cases sons and daughters, like in the case of the Elf lord Elrond, and have centuries of great kinship with, both of which the Elves after the Third Age will be forever be parted from it.

But this is focusing on Elves, what about Men? Men have a very interesting place in both the context of Fate. As mentioned above, with the only creatures with Free will, Men don’t have a a unified destiny like the Elves do, with the exception of dying or vague general statements of facts like the Race of Men taking over control of Middle-earth as the dominant race after the Elves leave, but what they do in that time they control it is not Fated and up to the whims of future Men. Something much different than Elves. This leads into a big theme when it comes to Men and Fate, what constitutes as one man’s Fate and what is their own Free will?

And more importantly, how do those things come into conflict? Luckily, two of the most composed and polished stories focus on these Fate-linked themes, the first being the tales of Túrin Turambar and the fall of the great Mannish kingdom of Númenor.

The story of Túrin Turambar, one of the tragic characters that Tolkien has ever written, a was a mannish hero, who if Beren and Lúthien were a Eurydice and Orpheus with happy ending, they would be a walking Greek tragedy. He is cursed at a young age by Morgoth (the later name of Melkor, the living embodiment of evil), because of the deeds of his father who fought against Morgoth in the War of Wrath, and this leads Túrin to have a twisted life, which includes killing his best friend, and lover, the Elf, Beleg, then marrying his own sister, Niënor, and finally his own death after what should have been his biggest moment of triumph, slaying the dragon, Glaurung.

But as mentioned above, the Race of Men doesn’t usually have destinies like this, so how is Morgoth able to control Túrin’s Fate in this way to the point where eventually Túrin is so broken mentally and spent emotionally he commits suicide? Well, to put it simply it was both a mix of Morgoth’s curse, which in itself was just Morgoth putting the cards in the right way as it were so that Túrin always had the worst choices put in front of him, and Túrin’s own often prideful and blundering acts, that usually lead him into picking the worst choices over the better ones. This is a common theme with Fate and Men, where some outside force, here Morgoth, does something to affect the happens of a Man, or group of Men, does lead them on the path of ruin but it is by their own hand that leads to the end of that distatorius path. This can be seen in Túrin’s story where there were many times where he could have turned his life around. As the Music of the Ainur, Fate, gave Túrin some good opportunities, which he squandered. He could have asked for and received Thingol’s forgiveness rather than running off into the wilderness out of pride and adolescent angst; he could have listened to Beleg and returned to serve both men and elves, instead of running with the outlaws; he could have listened to Finduilas and Gwindor and reined in his pride, and not make Nargothrond such an obvious target. But he doesn’t, instead he takes the opinions that Morgoth has thrown at him and doesn’t realize it until it is too late (Of Túrin Turambar, The Silmarillion, pg 198-227).

It is said in The Silmarillion many times, as well as other works in the legendarium, that the Race of Men is weak, foolish, and quick to forsake reason, goodness, and light for illogical passions, cruelty, and evil, but I don’t think Tolkien ever saw it that way. Especially in the way he wrote about Men and Fate. In The Silmarillion, Ilúvatar himself, mentions that “Men will stray often from [himself],” (pg. 42) thus away from light and ‘goodness,’ and make some pretty dumb and bad choices but it is easy to wait and decide you’re options when you have forever to do so. Unlike his many Elven companions, who have ages to figure things out, to wait and plan, Túrin does not have that time, he is dying, as all Men are from the moment they are born. He only has one lifetime to make his mark on the world now. He wants to see his broken people restored, his kingdom returned to his people and out of the hands of the Easterling invaders. He is prideful and arrogant but he is hardly a bad person and almost all of his choices come from a want to do good. This is a common theme in a lot of Men driven stories.

By nature of their mortality, Men lack the foresight of their Elvish contemporaries, focusing on the here and now, because by nature, Men are present creatures while Elves live seemingly in the past but also the future. This kind of thinking gets Túrin, as well as other Men, to make a lot of bad choices, but how was he (Men), supposed to know the ending to his (their) own story before it’s even been written down? Túrin didn’t know he was cursed until he was thirty and killed himself only five years later. This is true for a lot of Men when they interact with fate, they bluster and many times their endings are their own fault, but it is often grown from a place of either a great want or great need, and the narrative often doesn’t condemn them for this, it pities them, in the same way that the narration in the tragedy of Aegnor and Andreth pitied them.

There is a reason in the final pages of Túrin’s story, his wife and sister laments before leaping to their own death, that he gave himself the name Turambar meaning ‘master of Fate’ only to be conquered by the very Doom (Fate) he hoped to master. This showing the ultimate pity of the narration.  

But not all Men get this pity for the narrative, Númenor sure doesn’t.

Númenor is a lot of things in the context of The Silmarillion.

In The Silmarillion, it is the first great city of Men, meaning made by Men for Men, it had the best navy in all Middle-earth that surpassed even the Elves, the beauty of the island kingdom was so great that no Elf could recreate it in Middle-earth. It was a shining a example of everything mankind had to offer the world and was a beacon of hope after centuries of hardship, that was until it fell into ruin and evil.  The story pulls from multiple inspirations including Atlantis and the Garden of Eden, but at its core, it is about a people fighting against their Fate, or in this case Men fighting their own mortality. While it is continuously mentioned that Men don’t have a destiny like in the way Elves do, they do however have a end point to their personal stories that no one, not even the gods, can take away: their death, which in many ways is the only thing that is Fated to men.

Many times throughout both The Silmarillion and other material, it is mentioned that Men have little faith in any gods, the Valar, having never had a chance to form a positive connection with them, and for many Men there is only one true god in their world and his name is Death. In the same way that it is natural for the Elves to go along with the music of Ainur, it is natural for Men to die, and as hinted at above, death is a gift from Ilúvatar. Going peacefully into death, whither through battle or old age, is narratively looked at as a positive by many stories, some even going as far as to have Men willing just stop living because they want too, or feel like they have passed their prime. In Tolkien it is only when Men try to avoid their gift, thinking as their death as a Doom, that the narrative openingly damns them. And this is the case for Númenor, whose people grew jealous of the long lives of the Elves, and wished to be immortal like them. The people started refusing to die, kicked all Elves out of their lands, then started to purge their influence from them as well, and then openingly wage war on the Undying lands (Valinor) to try and gain the land thinking it will make them immortal, even though many Elves and even messengers from the Valar told them otherwise (Akallabêth, The Silmarillion, pg. 257-283).

Though it is to be noted that much like Morgoth role in Túrin’s story, Sauron, who had been captured by the Númenoreans, had been corrupting the minds of the Númenoreans for sometime, capitalizing on their envy and resentment to urge them to more awful and awful deeds. Once again showing that that it is both a combination of beings of evil and also bad choices that lead Men to their ruin. Ruin, that in this case happens when they finally push too far trying to attack the Undying lands (Valinor) and the Elves within it and the Valar destroy the fleet that was coming as well as sink the island of Númenor back into the sea, effectively killing all but a few people who managed to escape and these refugees go on to create the kingdom of Gondor. It is to be noted here that unlike Túrin who fights Fate but is ultimately destroyed by it, and the narrative has pity on him, the narrative does not share the same pity for the people of Númenor. Instead it shows them apathy for their fighting of Fate, that their unwillingness to affect the most blessed gift their supreme god gave them as well as their greed was their downfall and it was necessary for it to happen. In a lot of ways is true, like Icarus, flying too close to the sun, a bunch of mortals challenge the gods and the gods strike them down, the Númenoreans affectively bite off more than they can chew. But in defense of them, death is a scary concept.

They are effectively the only race in Middle-earth that does not know what happens to them after death, no one does not even the Valar. Only Ilúvatar, and he keeps his lips sealed on the subject. And while, yes, many Elves, Valar, and Men alike think that there is something better on the other side for Men, they don’t know if its true and that can lead to a lot of anxiety, as well as envy for other races who seemingly do not suffer the pain of death and as the fear of the uncertainty of what happens to them afterward. But yet the narrative still deems it as damnation for the Númenoreans as well as unnatural.

This is extremely interesting, because unlike the Elves who universally received mostly pity from the narration over their lack of control in their own lives and being playthings to destiny, Men are a move messy case. Depending on what text you are reading, some Men get more sympathy from others. This is because Tolkien’s use of in universe writers for his stories.

While the stories of Elves are mostly written by an Elf, obviously, who would have a lot of melancholic sympathy for the Elves, themselves basically, who are Doomed, because Elves in Tolkien tend to be very self centered and think of only their pain, while ironically getting angry when others do not. They might easily have less sympathy for men, ironically this may because the Elves, in the same way Men envy immortality, they envy Men’s ability to die.

The Men writing the story of Túrin was most likely someone who lived years after him, and was writing about him as one would write about a famous mythological hero. While the fall of Númenor, was written by a bitter traditionalist who hated the Men in charge for leading his people of the kingdom to ruin because they wanted immortality.This was touched on briefly above where one was contrasting Beren and Lúthien’s story to Aegnor and Andreth and how the narration seemed to differ on how they portrayed their fights, or lack thereof, of Fate. Those who are looked at with pity or scorn by the narrative are wholly reliant on whither the person writing the piece liked them or not, and thus the why and how they’re fighting of Fate is justified, demonized, or something to be pitied is flexible from text to text.

Fate inside the world of Tolkien is a complex beast. To understand it, one needs more than just a passing understanding of just the concept. You need to understand that Fate is applied differently considering which race you are talking about, and even then the feelings that the text shows towards that Fate, Doom, and the person’s actions is wholly relied upon the person who is ‘writing the text’ inside the context of Tolkien’s universe and the different inspirations that Tolkien pulls from to form his universe concepts of Fate. In the works of Tolkien, Fate, Doom, and Free will all work together to form the actions of his characters, which in part form the story of the world he created. Tolkien’s works are messy and makes one think about what their own preconceptions. After reading one text and picking up another, this is what makes Tolkien so brilliant. Every story he creates has something different for everyone else writing fantasy, and inside his work there are no easy answers and to imply that his fiction is too ‘black and white’ is missing the forest for the trees.