#The Smokin’ Nephew

[tha-wrecka-stow]

[laromp3]

Suga Suga (feat. Frankie J) - Baby Bash

[satorena]

#BUILD-A-BLOB !?

bad ☆ summary. good news? your nephew’s birthday gift to you definitely works. bad news? turns out to be a cranky four armed creature that nags at everything you do. good / bad news? he’s smokin’ hot and you wanna fuck him nasty. seriously, what the fuck.

cw. explicit content. foul language. monsterfūcking. blobkuna to true form!kuna. double penetration. anāl. deepthroăting. cunningūlus. pūssy slapping. bāckshots. belly bulge. creāmpie. degradation (he calls you mean things) overstimulation. dumbification. mentions of drug usage. sukuna speaks like he has a stick up his ass. pōrn without plot. 4.4k words.

rena’s ☆ note. guys i’m giggling so hard at the gif HELP

“the fuck are ya starin’ at?”

technically speaking, you think you’re looking at a seven foot monster with more arms than you can count, more mouths than necessary and much more tattoos than you can see. just a minute ago, this entity had been an ugly formless blob with a singular eye and bucked teeth that sat against your window, forming incoherent sentences as “me want water”, “me need light” or your personal favorite, “me want you to fuck off”.

you’d left to check on your plants momentarily, coming back to your living space to find that the blob had transformed into a . . . human? something along the word that you use very loosely.

he stands tall and proud and very naked— though unimpressed, toned arms crossed and ass cheeks facing the world outside. you can see the reflection of his clenched buns through the glass and— is that a fucking tramp stamp?

“i’m thinking. . . what used to be my birthday gift,” you answer slowly, brows pinched in confusion as your head tilts. it’s below you, sure, but you can’t help staring at what’s below him. surely it’s the weed catching up to you because there’s no way that, “is that— holy shit, is that two dicks?”

“perverted woman,” the man (question mark) clicks his tongue, as if he isn’t the one dressed in his birthday suit, asshole bearing for pedestrians outside to file public indecency on you. “your reaction suggests you’ve never witnessed the presence of two at once.”

“well. . . no,” he stares at you as if you’re the one with four arms and abnormally long legs. you crouch down, index finger scratching at the corner of your mouth to analyze it some more. you were curious, nothing more! you feel the multitude of his eyes trailing your movements, daring you to proceed forward. he truly doesn’t know you.

they stack atop one another, though both sizes are nothing to scoff at. packing in both girth and length, they stand tall and semi hardened, with curves to the right. he’s got prominent veins running all over his skin, mushroom tips an angry shade of reddish brown. frowning, you peek your head lower to confirm following suspicions,

his tone is rough along the edges, “i do not possess four testicles.” damn it.

“boo, you suck,” you sigh, indeed disappointed by the confirmation. you’d think a monster with monstrous limbs and monstrous cocks would own monstrous balls. “whatever.” you stand back up on your feet, though you’re met with hard ripples of glistening abs.

“so like,” you pause, now shamelessly staring at his torso with shimmering eyes. he’s ripped with an eight pack, waist snatched like a motherfucker and skin inked like a colouring book. “what do i call you?”

you think you hear him chuckle, “how foolish,” a mouth then appears on his stomach, to which you jerk back from how sudden it was. your brows jump to your hairline, eyes widening as teeth bare at you menacingly. “it is common decency to introduce yourself firsthand. have you no manners in the presence of a king?”

“a who?” you squawk, overwhelmed by the intensity of the situation. this four-armed freak was a king? from where exactly? you shake your head, as if to turn off your inner monologues and quiet the voices down, “right, right. erm, you can call me y/n.”

he repeats your name slowly, followed by a deep chuckle. the rumble of your name against his voice sends a weird tingle down your gut, as you crane your neck upwards to finally look him in the face.

you gulp. damn it, he was attractive all around. though morally questionable, you found his features dashing. sure, there was the weird thing stuck in the side of his face that resembled a mixture of flesh and wood. and yeah, he had an additional set of slender eyes. however, his facial harmony somehow blended perfectly. his facial structure was sharp all around, from his nose bridge to his jawline, and his ears with pierced.

what more could anybody want?

blame it on the sativa or the fact you hadn’t been fucked in a while, but it was your birthday and you want your birthday gift, damn it. there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that— the pulsing at your core had your thighs rubbing together subtly (you hoped) (he smirked when he noticed your legs shifting) (fuck, he already knows).

“you will address me as sukuna, mortal.” he says instead, one of his arms mounting to grasp at a piece of your hair. he’s beefy, big biceps surrounding your peripherals as they flex hard. he twirls your hair between his fingers, and shit, you’re gonna need his nail technician’s reference.

“you talk like you have a stick up your ass,” your voice sounds distant, as distracted as you are, perverted eyes trailing to follow the bulging of his muscles. even his forearm is sexy, a large vein running course beneath his skin amongst others. “you ask for my name and choose to call me mortal? corny.”

“i am not a product of this time,” he riddles, tugging at the strand in his hold. the searing pain of his tug at your hair has you moaning— in agony or pleasure, who truly knows— and before you know it, he spreads the rest of his large fingers at your scalp, “you say i speak as if i have a stick up my ass,” shivers run down your spine when his fingernails scratch at your head, “but really it is you who wants my stick up yours, huh?”

you blink. how the fuck did he know? “th-that’s not even remotely true—”

“do not lie,” another arm lifts to cup at your face. his index rests beneath your jaw as his thumb sits at your chin. you feel the sharp edges of his nails grazing at your skin, “your scent is rather . . . pungent.”

you feel heat quickly spread to your cheeks and your panties effortlessly dampening. he smirks, dipping his thumb into your parted mouth, before scrunching his nose into a whiff, “ah, there it is again.”

the pad of his thumb swipes against your bottom lip, skin collecting your saliva before rubbing the fluid all over your mouth. you feel the tip of his nail poking into the flesh, and your brows furrow, “and you called me the perverted one.”

“that remains true.” another— jeez, how many more— arm snakes at your waist. it creeps below your shirt and sits at your bare skin, a touch so warm it sends jolts of electricity across your limbs. his hand rests at your lower belly, and when a wet tongue drags itself across your sensitive skin, you clamp your lips down around his thumb in a whimper, “you’re an obedient one. i think i’ll have fun with you.”

your brows furrow as your cunt clenches. his smirk deepens and, fuck you really need to stop doing that, “have fun with me?”

“it has been a while since i’ve fooled around with a mortal,” he hums, slipping his thumb out of your mouth. there’s a thin string of saliva connecting from your lips to his fingertip, and you hate how you already crave the salty flesh back in your mouth. “let us see just how weak the human body truly is.”

somewhere along the lines, you find yourself on your knees in your living room, carpet digging into your kneecaps as your fingers interlock at your back. your jaw aches, to the point of snapping as two fat cocks shove themselves down your throat. you breathe through your nostrils as your mouth is clearly occupied, fat tears dotting at your lash line and dribbles of saliva slipping past your lips and down his cocks.

two of his hands grasp at your head as leverage, hips thrusting up and down your throat. the gags that escape you are pornographic, throat muscles clenching around the intrusion. fuck, the strong musk of his pubic hairs cloud your senses and overwhelm your mind— driving you dizzy in arousal.

“loosen up yer throat,” sukuna commands, though you find it contradictory as another one of his abnormally large hands wrap themselves around your throat. he presses just lightly, as if to trace over the bulge of his dicks inside of you, but the lack of oxygen has your body liquifying in heat. you think you see stars, and your pupils start to dilate. “c’mon mortal, don’t pass out on me now— we’ve only just begun.”

easy for you to say, you roll your eyes, though complying to his orders. shit, it’s really hard to breathe but you can’t deny you love how objectifying all of this feels. bounding your own hands back, kneeled in front of this king, hair grouped up in one hand to tug onto. he was using you as if you were merely a toy for his own pleasure, mushroom tips repeatedly abusing the walls of your throat.

your cunt clenches around air, gushing more of your essence against the flimsy material of your panties. his stomach clenches tightly, as do his thigh muscles, the embodiment of man in front of you, destroying your throat.

fuck, your clit throbs.

the king coos at you degradingly, ruby eyes narrowing down at your figure, “awnn, ‘s it too much for ya?” you feel a wad of spit land on your cheek, and despite the nastiness of the actions, the filthiness has you clenching your thighs together. of course he finds pleasure in your desperation, leaning back further into the couch to cock his head at you, “humpin’ on yerself like a desperate slut beggin’ for a proper dicking. how pathetic,”

you nod your head eagerly, as your mouth fails to express just how badly you do want him. he’s so deep down your throat, you swear you feel him near your heart. the sting at your scalp plus the lack of oxygen and your need to have him stuff you full drives you wild with want— so desperate that tears leak through your eyes, stream down your cheeks and land right at his dicks.

“mhm, i’ll take care of ya,” sukuna cuts himself off with a deep groan, sliding further down into his seat. he shifts his hips deeper down your throat, and you gag terribly loud, “you hungry, mortal? open wide and, fuck, take what i give ya—” another grunt leaves him, and as does thick ropes of cum do.

your eyes widen as you’re greeted with hot cum shooting down your throat. it’s creamy, thick and so, so much of it that you’re certain swallowing it all would be impossible. your cheeks hollow as you attempt in your best efforts to gulp him down, the flavour of salty semen bursting at your taste buds.

“greedy bitch,” he chuckles through a moan, grinding his hips in rotations as he rides down the high. sweat dribbles down the crevices of his abs, stomach clenching hard as he empties his balls in you. “thaaat’s it—shit, not fuckin’ bad.”

when he finally pulls out, you gasp loudly for the sweet air you had been deprived of. your body trembles as you release your own hold, hands flying up to grasp at his thick thighs. your fingernails scrape at his skin as your chest heaves.

“y’re so,” you pant, and you can barely register how broken your voice sounds. did his cocks destroy your vocal chords already? “y’re so fuckin’. . . mean.”

“too much?” sukuna cackles, though he’s nowhere near sounding apologetic. his fingers cupping your face swipe at fallen tears on your cheeks. at the feel of a wet tongue licking at your damp skin, you pout in retaliation, brows furrowed and swollen lips puckered, “better get it together, ‘m gonna stretch that pussy out.”

damn it— he had such a way with words. you subconsciously lean your cheek further into his touch, and the grin he gives you is barbaric, “face down, ass up.”

so yeah, you find yourself with your cheek pressed into the softness of your couch, hips pulled up and thighs spread as sukuna feasts. the panties you once wore stuffed in your mouth, they muffle the wanton sounds that rip out your abused throat.

you feel his tongue lap at your folds hungrily, fingers spreading your pussy lips apart for better access. he tongue fucks into your hole, lips sucking and nibbling at your clit with precision. wet heat intrudes your insides and have your stomach tightening.

fingernails scratching at the couch, your back arches as you grasp at anything for support. having multiple mouths should be illegal— you feel tongues trailing all over your thighs and the dip in your back, you feel them rimming at your backside. you even think you feel one diving into your ass.

“mmph, m‘kunaaa!” you wail, toes curling as you push your hips further into his face. you’d never been eaten out as good as he is, nose deep in your cunt as your insides get devoured. you’re so overwhelmed— your puffy clit secreting essence as a slick tongue flicks at the bean.

a hand slaps once, twice at your ass as another pair of hands grip at your plush flesh. “shut th’fuck up,” he speaks into you, the vibrations of his voice sending shivers up your spine. you roll your eyes to the back of your skull, foot shaking uncontrollably. when the hands cupping at your breast begin tugging at your nipples, tongues flicking the stiff bud, you feel your dam erupt.

“mmfuuuuckkk!” you whine, as your cunt gushes in his face. he never lets up, tongue repeatedly scissoring your hole as he swallows your juices. you’re squirting so much it drips all over his face and down the suede couch, down your thighs. you think your soul had been taken by this damn near succubus with how long it takes for you to come back to your senses.

he pulls back with a nasty smack from his lips to your lower ones, using the back of his hand to wipe at any excess fluids, “sweet cunt,” he praises you, and you weakly whine, body drained of energy as you fall limp into the soaked couch. you’re out of it, bottom lip quivering as your limbs tingle in bliss— you feel your lids growing heavier by the second but sukuna is having none of that, “aht aht— where the fuck d’you think yer goin’?”

you feel pair of hands pull your hips back up and another grab a handful of your hair in a steady hold. you’re immediately pulled up on all fours, and you whimper at the firm blows he lands yet again on your ass.

he lifts himself on his knees, and you feel his hardnesses rub against the curve of your booty, “told you i was gon’ stretch this pussy out— ‘m a man of my fuckin’ word.” and shit, you think you push your ass back against his leaking cocks, dragging the beady fluids all over the softness of your skin.

your back arches sinfully as you spit out the soaked panties from your mouth and onto the floor. the slide of his dicks in between your thighs has your stomach heating in lust, the drags of his tips at your clit reenergizing you faster than you’d like to admit.

“mmhm, that’s it,” he grumbles into the supple skin at your neck, grazing his fangs teasingly at the flesh and his warm breath further dampening your skin. the large hands that cupped at your waist now lean you forwards against the arm of the couch, and you suddenly feel a lot of blood rushing to your brain. your arms feel weak as they support your body weight, your back arches like a cat and legs stretched out—

holy shit, are you hanging off the fucking couch?

“give up and you fall face first onto the damn floor,” the king cackles, as if the funniest joke in the world, as if your cunt wasn’t gushing your essence— begging to be filled and tore apart. your eyes widen comically as your knees buckle just slightly at the feel of his cock rubbing at your clenching hole, “try and keep up, mortal.”

sukuna grips at the base of his first dick, aligning it to your entrance. you hear him hiss as he collects your cum around the circumference of his tip, fingernails digging deep into your waist. fuck, that hurts so good. any further deeper and you’re certain he’d draw blood.

now, you were definitely no athlete the way he took his sweet time teasing you both. you had barely finished coming down from your previous orgasm, and with the excessive blood seeping into your brain, you felt yourself dizzying quicker than you’d anticipated, “kunaaa— hurry, i can’t hold out any longer— ngh fuuuck!”

your nails claw at the wooden floor when you felt him finally bottom out. holy fuck— how many inches was he packing? you could physically feel your pussy stretching out to his size, to accommodate to the intrusion of his ruthless cock into your tight hole. the sudden penetration hurt in a way that had your clit tingling, walls clamping down as if to seize him from moving any further.

“mortal,” he groans deeply, and there goes another spank at your ass. naturally, you clamp down harder. “quit— fuck, squeezin’ so tight. how the fuck am i s’posed to dick you down when you’re grippin’ me like a damn vice?”

“‘s too much!” you argue, though your hips roll around as if to adjust to his unreasonable size. you feel more tears flooding your eyes, and your core aches for a mean pounding. “just. . . gimme a minute,”

“a minute?” he repeats, though his tone is far from understanding. there’s a hint of mischievous dripping from words, and shit, he’s already pulling out. your cunt negates your words, desperately latching onto his length as if to reprimand him from exiting any more. he notices your contradiction, “doesn’t seem like yer pussy needs a minute. gotta tell you baby, i don’t like liars.”

your toes curl as he fucks himself back into you. the moan that rips from your throat is far beneath your ability to stop, and you squeeze your eyes shut. he repeatedly pounds into your cunt, the more the strokes, the deeper it goes. he may as well create an indent in your guts with how intense his thrusts are.

“hnng, ohmyfuckkk,” your back only arches further, the delicious burn of his dick stretching your velvet walls driving your mind delirious. his pace is insane— with every meet of his hips at your ass, you jerk forward, tits jiggling in the process. you feel hands spreading your cheeks for better access, alongside a wad of spit land at your cunt, sealed by a nice slap on your reddened ass.

he’s crushing your cervix. it hurts but you don’t want him to stop. it’s all too overwhelming— the repetitive slaps of his heavy balls at your sensitive clit, the way he digs himself deep into you, rolling his hips to reach all sensitive spots inside your spongy self. god, you can hear how sinful the point of contact between both your bodies as it echoes in the living room.

“creamy fuckin’ pussy,” sukuna grunts, tone so low you assumed he was more so speaking to himself. your wetness had submerged into a thick essence of cream around the base of his shaft, further easing the ruthless slides of his dick into your cunt. you don’t ignore how his second cock twitches against your asshole. “you tryna snatch my damn soul? tsk, greedy slut.”

your arms are giving out. your thighs burn and furthermore— your cunt aches, badly. he’s giving and giving, pounding so mercilessly into your pussy it was as if he were mad at you. you’d never been fucked so profoundly, his tip bullying into you so meanly with the additional mix of blood rushing into your head— fuck, you need a break.

still, sukuna seems two steps ahead of you, slithering an extra arm to your nape and gripping at your hair. two other hands drag your hips backwards in place, simultaneously pushing himself back where he’d once been— snug in the comfort of your warm pussy. “nah, nah, don’t you fuckin’ run away. fuckin’ take what i give you—” he holds you by the hips and lifts you up and down on his cock. you feel your feet leave the couch as a majority of the weight you held onto your palms were lifted. “this is what you wanted. mhm, be a good bitch and own up to your consequences.”

you’re babbling, the idea of you being a toy again for his use, the new angle of his cock protruding inside has drool dribbling down your chin and your eyes rolling to the back of your skull. “too d-deep, feel you in my— nghhh, h-heart.”

“‘s that so?” he chuckles heartily, and your mind is too numb to register the weird sting that grows at your forbidden zone. you’re too fucked out to notice what he has in store for you, “let’s double that shit. pierce right through yer mortal heart and mark it my territory.”

a sharp wail erupts, as you’re now filled to the brim with two girthy cocks. it’s an uncomfortable stretch in an area you were far from accustomed to, but in your current position, you’re nowhere near able to stop him. you’re not too sure you want him too— his cocks rubbing against the thin linen that separates your cunt to your ass.

holy fuck, your brain is turning into mush. he’s fucking into you like a madman— both your holes abused by the same pair of hips diving deep into your insides. your limbs feel numb, despite now being lifted into the air. he’s fucking manhandling you, hands holding all regions of your body still as he grinds his cocks in. what an out of body experience— head and tits jerking to the rhythm his hips set.

your guts are on fire, and you recognize this feeling all too well. the same one that has your eyes crossing to the centre of your face and your wet tongue lolling out of your mouth. your breaths are cut short, your tummy bulging into the shape of the king that’s taken control of your entire being.

holy shit.

“atta girl,” sukuna whistles when you spray him unexpectedly. your muscles clench as does your cunt and ass around his dicks, body trembling from an outwardly orgasm racking over you. sukuna never lets up, your crying only spurring him on more, “oh yeahhh, now that’s an ugly face. hah! turns me on.”

you’re snivelling, and you think you feel snot dripping down your nose. through the window where this creature was once an ugly form on nothingness, you watch your reflection. my goodness— how is he not stopping? you feel like you’re gonna die, your soul getting snatched from various regions, the repetitive strokes of his dicks at your most sensitive areas. holy shit, you’re gonna die.

“c’mon, entertain me some more,” he accentuates each word with powerful thrusts, and in return, receives splutters of more juices. you’re leaking like a damn faucet, dripping down your thighs and soaking your soiled couch. your fluids leak down to meet his pair of balls, now lubricated as they slap more intensely at your abused clit.

you’re left wordless. seriously, arms as limp as noodles as they hang to your side, head lolled forward. your mind feels so empty yet so full, the familiar pain of overstimulation now taking over your body. your muscles spasm violently around him, uncontrollably as sukuna takes and takes more of you.

“thankyouthankyouthankyou,” although not entirely sure what you’re thanking him for, the words slip past your kiss-bitten lips and into the thick air. you feel him press his own mouth at the column of your sweaty back, and your chants continue, “thankyouthankyou—”

“what an obedient lil thing,” sukuna coos, and you feel an extra tongue flick greedily at your tight bundle of nerve. your body begins to seize, stomach caving deeply in as you succumb to the pressure, “who’s my good bitch, hmm?”

“m-me.” you answer so weakly that it unsatisfies him. the tongue torturing your clit now bites down onto the bud and you cry out loudly. shit, you’re squirting again.

“i said,” he repeats himself with more finality. the wet squelching sounds of his cocks bullying at your holes overpower his own voice, and you can’t stop the shaking of your body. and with every pause, his cocks slam further and further in, “who’s. my. good. bitch.”

“meeee!” you hic, drool be damned as it seeps past parted mouth and down your throat. god, this was so above you and yet, here you were, getting fucked like your life depended on it. it hurts, hurts so good that you simultaneously want to push and pull from his embrace.

he holds you up higher, and your legs wrap around his waist with your back tucked into his chest. his hands slide from your waist to your inner thighs, now holding you tight against him. your head falls back onto his shoulder and in the midst of your daze, you feel a fingernail trailing down the slope of your neck.

“yeahhh,” he chuckles darkly, eyes narrowing onto your fucked out figure. his eyes then flick to the imprint of his cock penetrating at your belly, followed by the inconsistent tremors of your body. “‘s what i fuckin’ thought.”

somewhere along the line, you’re left boneless in his strong hold as he fucks and fucks and fucks. he’s everywhere at once, a presence so dominating that you’re left as if you have no other choice but to surrender. but that’s exactly all there is to it, no? a king using his pussy to his satisfaction.

“‘m gonna breed this slutty body full of my cum, make you mine. cause that’s all yer good for— ain’t that right baby?” you nod, because of course you do. he’s pounding some more and more, and the warmth that fills your belly to the brim is anything but surprising. he’s grunting in your ear, a string of profanities flowing into the air. he’s cumming so much from both cocks that it leaks past your bruised holes.

his hips roll some more, and both your cunt and ass clench around him greedily, milking him out for every drop he’s worth. he hums against your damp face, dragging the tip of nose through a multitude of fluids. you have a weak smile gracing your lips, and his arms tighten possessively around your tinier frame, “happy birthday indeed, mortal.”

oh my god, you’re gonna die.

. . .what the fuck did i just write.

[askthestans]

Hey Stan, can you tell us stories about your brother Sherman being a total square?

Stan and Ford: At the same time. You mean Square-mie?

Both of them laugh, not in a harsh way, but the kind of lighthearted chuckles that usually come from one sibling teasing another. It's obvious they love their older brother, but... like most siblings, they'll always jump on a chance to make fun of one another.

Stan: Oh, he always hated that nickname! Look, Anon, lemme first introduce ya to the official scale of Pines fun-ness. At the top, there's me, for obvious reasons. Second best is Mabel, also for obvious reasons. And... He pauses, putting his hand to his chin. Damn, I gotta say, I think Ford's next-

Ford: I am as much of an adventurer as I am a scientist.

Stan: Yeah, definitely Ford, despite his dorkiness and obsession with... He gestures at Ford's honors and trophies for grades and intelligence related successes from childhood. That garbage. Good grades and other crap. And then-

Ford: Definitely our nephew, Dipper and Mabel's father. Works in IT, very smart, has a little bit more of Mabel's fun-loving nature. But far less adventurous than you or I. You and I could never live a boring suburban life like he does.

Stan: Grinning. Then, near the very bottom, you've got Dipper. No offense to the kid, but he's Ford's smarts but minus Ford's rebel streak. Walkin' wet blanket at times, always askin' how many laws we're breakin' while we're out havin' fun... although me and Ford are teachin' 'im to grow past it, as much as his parents will let us corrupt 'im. But he at least likes to have fun, I'll give 'im that. So that leaves us at-

Ford: Way at the very bottom of the Pines fun-ness scale, you have... Square-mie. He coughs. Shermie, sorry.

Both men howl with snorts and laughter again, barely able to explain why.

Stan: Wiping a tear from his eye, wheezing a bit. Okay, okay, Anon, picture this: take Dipper and his dad's wet blanket crap and crank it up to 1000. This guy? Our brother? Good ol' Saint Sherm? Guy's never even had a parking ticket his entire life! He won't even jaywalk! He never goes even one mile per hour above the speed limit! He's like the human equivalent of white bread. Of unflavored oatmeal. Got average grades, got a boring old suburban house with a literal white picket fence, had an average job-

Ford: Shudders. I have no idea how he worked as an IRS accountant for decades.

Stan: Ugh, don't remind me. He's always barkin' at me. "Stan, you pay your taxes yet this year?" this. "Stan, you need to contribute to your civic duty.", that. Cripes, ol' Sherm is like the anti-Pines. A Pines is supposed to laugh in the face of rules and authority. This guy huffs whatever authority's smokin' like he's part of a cult. Even when we were kids, he'd always do chores even when he wasn't asked. Kept his room clean as a whistle. Barked at me to do my homework and foiled our pranks when he could. Pure goody two shoes, so much he'd make an angel blush. I think all of our Ma's rebellion genes went to us, and Pa's strictness went to Sherm.

Ford: Yes, so after I returned and we explained to him what had happened, he...

Both men fall into a snicker fest again, unsure who will stop laughing first long enough to tell the story.

Stan: Holy mackerel, he... he... Snort. Picture Dipper at, like, seventy years old, but with an even bigger stick up his ass and even less muscles somehow. Gets told this long, convoluted as hell tale about me fakin' my death and pretendin' to be Ford for three decades, Ford gettin' lost in sci-fi sideburn land for just as long, the world almost ending with Sherm's grandkids along for the ride... just mind bendin' stuff... and the first words outta his mouth... and for reference, this guy never swears, and he never has thrown a punch at anyone... he's so square he's a cube! But he just says...

He wheezes, so Ford has to finish the story.

Ford: Snort. He raises his voice a bit, likely to mimic Shermie's. "I just knew I shoulda kicked your asses more when we were kids."

The two howl and cackle with laughter, leaning on each other for support.

Stan: And then he just... walked away, out his door, down the street to the gas station, bought beer for the - and I'm not kidding - the first time in his life, and sat back down in his old man chair and faced us as we just stood there, gobsmacked, while he cracked one open and drank it with an expression like a man betrayed. And he said-

Ford: "You two knuckleheads are lucky I'm even older than you, 'cause if I wasn't, I'd plant my loafer up your ass! You're gonna sit down, shut up, and let me drink this crap while I process whatever the f*ck I just heard and how many goddamn taxes you owe. And then maybe I'll think about huggin' your sorry asses."

More laughing.

Stan: I'm not sure if he was more mad about the taxes, or the fact that I'd faked my death all those years ago, or... the world ending part where Dipper and Mabes coulda been hurt... or maybe because we drove him to drink and swear and threaten someone for the first time in his whole goddamn life, all in the same day, he... Chuckles. He never really said. All I know is, is I don't think I've ever had my jaw that close to the floor in my life.

Ford: Honestly, I think we just kind of... broke him. Even still, I think he blew our minds more than we blew his.

Stan: He laughs a bit more, then shakes his head. Pfft, can you imagine Sherm kickin' our asses, anyway? He'd probably gently nudge one of our shins and give up. He's too nice for anything worse. That's the thing with our brother: he may be boring as sin, but... he's a good guy.

Ford: He always protected us from bullies when we were kids. Carried us home whenever we sprained an ankle or broke a bone.

Stan: And bought us ice cream whenever we asked, and fixed our bikes, and patched us up, scared the "monsters" outta our closet, and taught us most of what we know. Kind of like a second Dad, honestly, and one a lot less grumpy. A bit more somber. And he helped our parents out in their old age when we weren't around, until the... well, you know. 'Til the end.

Ford: His smile fades, then he sighs, expression a bit bittersweet. And he did actually hug us.

Stan: He scratches the back of his head, a bit embarrassed, but smiling fondly. For three hours straight.

[littlemissmarianna]

“Do I have your attention now?”

The voice is familiar at this point. This nameless, faceless person who’s been calling Carlos for weeks.

Taunting him, haunting him.

Carlos rarely sleeps anymore, but when he does, it’s this voice he hears in his dreams. It’s this voice that echoes in his head throughout the day.

“You didn’t think I would leave him out of this, did you?”

No.

Carlos knew better than that, and yet, part of him hoped he could protect TK from this psycho. This person with a digitally disguised voice and a blocked number who confessed to killing Gabriel on day one. This person who claimed to know everything about Carlos and listed the details to prove it.

Where he worked. Where he lived.

Carlos expected this person to know his mother’s name and maybe even his sisters, but he didn’t expect to hear the names of his niece and nephew. He didn’t expect to hear the names of his entire extended family listed one by one.

But the name that seemed to bring this sicko the most pleasure was Tyler Kennedy Strand.

“Or should I call him TK?”

Carlos clenches his jaw at the memory. In that moment, his blood ran ice-cold with dread as red-hot rage burned through him.

The person had laughed at Carlos’s silence; they knew they had struck a nerve.

“You know…” The lunatic’s tone is conversational now, like they’re friends with Carlos. Like they’re just calling for their weekly chat. “I knew your husband was smokin’. I mean, I’ve got the surveillance photos. I may have even gotten off once or twice with him in mind. But seeing TK in person…”

Carlos tightens his grip on the phone as this sociopath lets out an appreciative whistle followed by a suggestive moan.

“I’m gonna have fun with him.”

“If you touch him, I will fucking kill you.”

Carlos means it. It should probably scare him how much he means it.

“You’ll have to find me first,” the person replies. “And we both know that’s not going well.”

It’s not.

Carlos has spent hours trying to unscramble the number and trace the call. When that didn’t work, he tried to unmask the voice. And when that came up empty, Carlos tried to narrow down potential suspects based on what this maniac has said.

The information they possess is too in-depth, too far reaching. Whoever this is hasn’t just done their research; they know Carlos. They’re likely hiding in plain sight – crossing paths with Carlos every day – and that’s what bothers him the most.

That’s what keeps him on edge.

That’s what fuels the paranoia.

“How is TK?” the person asks, having the gall to act concerned after what they did to Carlos’s husband. “I hope I didn’t frighten him earlier.”

Carlos glances at TK sitting behind him on the couch. He’s at the stage where he shuts down and withdraws, but TK was frantic when he arrived home. It’s a wonder their front door is still intact from how quickly it was snatched open and slammed shut.

Carlos was on his feet in an instant, both confused and alarmed as TK just stood there, staring at him with wide, panicked eyes.

“What happened?”

TK didn’t answer. Not at first.

But as Carlos approached, TK launched himself into his husband’s arms, clinging to Carlos as the words spilled out.

There was a person in the street. Probably a man, but maybe not. They were covered from head to toe in black clothing with a hood over their head, a mask over their face, and sunglasses covering their eyes. They even wore gloves.

“Who does that?”

“Someone who doesn’t want to leave fingerprints or DNA.”

TK looked horrified by the comment. He knew he had just survived an attempted kidnapping, but the confirmation was overwhelming.

“Can we sit?”

“Of course. But first…” Carlos held his trembling husband at arm’s length, his gaze scanning every inch of TK. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” TK assured. “Just really freaked out.”

“I know. It’s okay,” Carlos soothed, pressing a kiss to TK’s temple as he wrapped him in another hug. “I’m here. And you’re safe.”

TK nodded against Carlos’s shoulder, relaxing beneath his touch.

By the time TK stopped shaking, Carlos had him seated on the couch with a bottle of water and comforting hand on his thigh, rubbing back and forth as TK continued the story.

Whoever the person was knew TK by name. When TK turned, they attempted to grab him. When TK managed to escape and started running down the sidewalk, they gave chase. They followed him to the loft but didn’t enter the building.

Even so, TK took the stairs two at a time; that explains why he was so breathless when he burst through the door.

“But you promise you’re not hurt?”

“I promise,” TK replied, leaning against Carlos’s chest. “Should we call the cops?”

“I am the cops.”

TK huffed a quiet laugh. “I know, but – ”

That’s when Carlos’s phone rang. That’s when this psycho called to rub it in.

They almost took the one thing Carlos can’t live without, and they’re proud of themselves even if their plan failed.

“Next time, I’ll be more prepared.”

The threat is punctuated with a chilling laugh before the line goes dead.

As Carlos lowers his phone, he feels the transformation begin. That version of himself that knows how to kill and not get caught. The version that knows how to dispose of a body and clean up a crime scene.

The world views Carlos as calm and composed, but there’s another side to him.

And it’s about to be unleashed.

[lushrue]

under the stars

got bit by the ghoap bug this evening, so have a teensy bit of johnny bringing simon home to scotland and thinking about his feelings

cw: angst, brief mentions of religion/homophobia, unresolved feelings

“stars sure are pretty tonight.”

johnny sat on the roof of his childhood home. distantly, he could hear the sounds of his mother cleaning up from dinner, dishes clattering together and sudsy water pooling in the sink. his nieces and nephews were playing in the backyard, some version of tag mixed with hide-and-seek mixed with cops and robbers. if he listened close enough, he could even hear the sounds of his siblings chatting on the porch. he knew he’d caused quite a stir when he told his ma he was bringing someone home with him on leave. it pulled the atmosphere more taut when he showed up with Simon at his side.

he wasn’t sure how Simon had managed to get up to the roof, how the shingles didn’t buckle under his weight. johnny had choked back a laugh when the giant brute of a man had to stoop to get through the front door. his ma practically needed a stepladder to give one of her famous welcome-to-my-home hugs that she afforded to every guest that crossed her threshold. it was something that had drawn Johnny to him initially: his size. he’d always had a thing for taller men. the thought made him chuckle a little, nearly choking on the smoke from his smoldering cigarette.

“don’t tell ma I’m up ‘ere,” Johnny quipped, his hands resting on his knees. “she’d throw a righ’ fit if she knew I was smokin’.” Simon gave a little half-smile, settling down onto the roof beside Johnny. he pulled his own pack of cigarettes out and lit one, sliding his fingers across his lips to symbolically seal them. Johnny half-smiled back, staring up at the twilight sky. it was dim, not quite dark. the sun hadn’t quite given up its hold on the day, but the moon was quickly winning the war. it was the kind of sky he looked up at when he was out on deployment, the kind that made him wonder what his family had for dinner that night and whether his ma was praying for his safety like she always did.

the wisps of smoke from their cigarettes danced together, spinning together gracefully as they swept up toward the night sky. Johnny watched, the sight setting his mind down the path he’d been trying to avoid since they’d arrived. the road less traveled, he thought idly. wasn’t there a poem about that? he wasn’t sure what the real reason was for asking Simon to come home with him when he’d made the initial request. he told himself that it was because he didn’t want to be alone with his family on leave, that having another military presence would buffer how unnatural it all felt. the dinners around a real table, the lazy mornings, the outings to the local shops simply because they felt like going. he’d been serving so long that it felt like a facsimile of real life, something you only saw in movies.

but the longer they were there, the more he started to realize that that wasn’t the real reason. seeing Simon interacting with his family, the town where he grew up, brought up images of something far more domestic that warmed his heart. images of retirement flashed in his mind, a little flat for the both of them where they could have the dinners around a table and mornings where they could stay tangled around each other in the sheets as long as they wanted. he hated how inevitable it all seemed, how stuck his mind was on this ideal. there was part of him that wasn’t sure it could even happen, not without sacrifice. his ma was a devout Catholic that would balk at the idea of two men living together, and his siblings would likely follow. was that image worth losing everything? he wasn’t sure yet.

Johnny took a long drag of his cigarette, his leg pressing against Simon’s as they sat there. he had to admit that the touches were intentional, attempts to gauge how willing Simon was to entertain affection from his sergeant. they were small, these gestures and seemingly accidental brushes of skin, but Simon never pulled away. not once had he ever pulled away. “i wish,” Simon said, unprompted. his voice stopped abruptly, as if there were words waiting to follow, but they never came. so many possibilities. i wish life could always be this slow, i wish i could tell you how i felt, i wish the world and all who inhabit it could disappear and just leave the two of us behind. Johnny sat silent for a moment, mulling those two words over in his head.

in truth, he wished too. he wished so many things. he wished he was less of a coward. he wished his family was just a slight bit different. he wished that whoever wrote the Bible had spared a thought for the two of them, sitting here under the stars, and put down the pen. Johnny turned his head toward Simon, taking in his features in the dim light. the shadows that cast over his face, still half-obscured by a black surgical mask (to make sure he didn’t spread foreign germs, Simon had explained to his family), made him truly look like a ghost. he swallowed, the ashes of his cigarette burning red against the teal of the sky. “i wish too,” he said simply.

in that moment, there was an understanding between them, something deeper than they’d ever shared. it was practically palpable, like a tangible thing connecting them. that common yearning, that need for something different than what they had. the dissatisfaction, the knots that tied up their stomachs everytime they thought about what could be. they shared a look, blue meeting brown like the ocean meeting the shore.

and then Johnny’s ma called them in for pie. and in they went, carrying this secret, shared thing with them.

[beah388love]

Nieces and Nephews

18+ Minors DNI!!!

Full Masterlist Legend Masterlist

Pairing: Reggie Kray x Fem!Reader

Summary: You introduce Reggie to your nieces and nephews

Warnings: swearing,shouting,smoking,cigarettes!!!(Please tell me if missed any!!!)

"Oi! Reg? You comin?" Albie asked gesturing to the car,

"Nah I'm gonna walk it's a lovely day for it" reg said as  he walked up the road, a bouquet of flowers in hand, he walked up to your door and sighed as he knocked on the red door.

"Put that down! God who is it now!" Dolly groaned as she told off tony,

She opened the door and sighed when she saw Reggie.

"What is it reg?" She somewhat spat

"I'm here to see Y/n?" He responded and she scoffed.

"Y/N! Krays here for ya!" She shouted up the stairs.

"Alright! Alright I'm comin" you spoke as you came down the stairs with, a baby girl in one arm and another in the other.

Reggie gave her a smile, your face lightening up when you saw him.

You walked over with your nieces on your hips.

“These are for you…” he smiled handing you flowers and you gasped “thank you Reggie they’re beautiful!” You smiled as you put them in a glass.

“Ooooh” harlie giggled as she peeked out from the door.

"Who are these?" Reggie smiled at the little girls and they giggled.

"This is Janie,lou Lou and Flo!" You giggled at her.

"What are ya doin here reg?" You asked smiling up at him.

"I was uh- wondering if you wanted to go down to the field with me?" He asked and you thought about it for a minute.

"Well, uh- I'm actually looking after all of my nieces and nephews today..and there are a lot.." you sighed but you nodded.

"Y'know what sure..D’ya mind helping me get em ready?" You asked hesitantly and he nodded.

“How many?” Reggie asked as he walked into your house for the first time.

“Uh- nine boys and seven girls so uh…sixteen in total” you said as you walked into the livingroom, Reggie following you.

“Sixteen kids.” Reggie grabbed your wrist looking you in the eyes waiting for you to admit you was joking.

“Yup” you smiled popping the p.

“And you look after them every day?” He asked you shocked.

“Uh yeah- I basically babysit all day every day unless I’m out with you or working at the club” you smiled and he nodded still shocked.

“Who looks after them while you’re gone?”

“Oh um, well the older boys will look after them for a couple hours or Dolly will” you said and Tommy butted in “yeah and she is a bitc-“

You cut him off with a pointed finger “don’t finish that sentence” Tommy grinned

“Tom,Joey grab the buggy please” you asked and they nodded as they lazily got up and got them ready.

“Where are we going today auntieeeee y/n/n” Harlie exclaimed excitedly as she played with her cards.

“Down to the field” you smiled as you picked up lou Lou and put her in the pram along with Flo.

“Right….everyone line up!” You shouted and they all lined up in the livingroom, one little girl bumping into reg.

“Sorry Mister” she said and reg smiled “don’t worry about it little miss” he replied making her smile as she walked off.

You began counting and once everyone was there you left the house.

“Right it’s gonna be a little busy today so stay by me and Reggie Kay?” You asked and they all nodded.

“Oi! Put that out!” You huffed to Tommy waving the smoke from his cigarette out.

“You let me smoke before” he groaned and you nodded, “yes I don’t mind you smokin! Just not around the little ones” you said and he nodded as he put the fag out.

“Are you a gangster?” Charlie asked and tony ran away and held your hand looking at reg sheepishly.

“No im a club owner” Reggie said with a little grin.

“Are you our new uncle?” Marty asked making you gasp.

“Marty! Don’t ask that” you said and she shrugged

“what?”

“Well…” Reggie was cut off by another kid “are you rich?” He asked and he shook his head stifling a laugh.

You were walking up the quiet road and you couldn’t help but giggle, especial when you saw maggie holding his hand as you crossed the road.

Once you got to the field all of you played games together,

Reggie played football with the older boys whilst you played eye spy with the younger kids.

Reggie was even giving them all piggyback rides, leaving him an out of breath mess afterwards making you laugh.

To cut it short it was an amazing day and Reggie was the kids “new uncle…”

[steddieficrecs]

Steddie WIPs/Unfinished Fics

⚠️read at your own risk⚠️

Smokin' in the Boys Room by SgntToastybuns

Steve Harrington is nearing the end of his senior year of high school and he has no idea where he's heading in life. His parents are absent, he recently broke up with his girlfriend, and now he's talking to crying band geeks in the boy's bathroom. Maybe getting high with Eddie 'The Freak' Munson will make him feel better.

AU without the Upside Down and Steve becomes friends with Robin and Eddie much sooner.

who are you? (the right one) by percylicious39

"Now, Wayne obviously knows about his nephew's preferences in partners, that one time a glaringly indisputable proof, but he couldn't quite frankly give a single damn about it, love is love and all that crap. Not that he'd understand anything about that crap. Anyway, he has seen Eddie shove enough boys out of his tiny bedroom window to know that they never get to spend the night, and they never get to prepare Eddie's favorite tea at four in the morning on a Wednesday without Eddie even being present in the room. So what the actual hell is this one doing here? And where is Eddie?"

Or five times Wayne meets Eddie's boyfriend and that time he finally learns his name.

Operation Get Steve a Boyfriend by MothToTheFlame

“Steve,” Dustin declares, a hand placed on his chest. “It would be my honor to be your wingman.”

 

or:

5 times Dustin tries to set Steve up with Eddie, and the 1 time it actually works.

Eddie Motherlovin' Munson by VacumCleanr (CharTheQ)

In which Karen Wheeler has a thing for long haired metalheads in tight jeans, and Steve is jealous as all hell.

Punk Princess by YouMakeMyHeartHowl

Steve Harrington spends the summer of 84' learning about Punk culture and Queer culture and comes back his senior year as a whole new man

 

Eddie is gay panicking all over the place

So is Steve

Harrington Charm(s Hellfire) by sailors_ink

Sometimes Eddie thinks the real Upside-Down is his life after they close the gates and save the world because this? This thing where his band, his club, his friends are all intruding on his own personal Steve time?

Not fun. No, not fun in the slightest.

off the beaten path by pukner

"I'm saying this," says Steve, loudly, cutting him off, "because someone I love is, uh, gay. And I love them, but like, platonically. And also me calling you a queer might've been a little hypocritical, in restrospect."

There is a long, baffled pause.

"What," says Jonathan, "Steve, are you--are you coming out to me?"

Steve frowns, "Oh, yeah, I guess I am. Cool."

Or, post season 3, Steve manages to figure out that he's bisexual, despite his best efforts to repress it, comes out to Robin and Jonathan Byers of all people, and figures himself out. Also, there's a cute guy who might be actually insane running the kids' dnd club and he's got his eye on him. And his bandana.

Too bad Eddie Munson hasn't had a similar revelation. He's still under the impression that he's a straight man obsessing over Steve Harrington for normal, extremely heterosexual reasons.

 

OR: Steve figures out he's bi before Eddie figures out that he's gay. Eddie still manages to fall first.

Tell Me "Don't", So I Can Crawl Back In by KiaraMGrey

When Steve finds himself alone and without friends, following his breakup with Nancy, he decides what he needs is a distraction. Maybe some new friends who don't remind him of the bullshit life he gave up. When he literally runs into Eddie Munson, school drug dealer and self proclaimed freak, an idea begins to form. Who better to show him what life outside popularity can be like, than someone who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks?

And Eddie? Well, Eddie is just bracing for impact.

you can let it all go by lyrical_litany

After the portals close, life goes on. Eddie and Steve sort through it together.

or

the future of the Party through the eyes of Eddie and Steve.

Caught in the Middle by Yamiswift

In the aftermath of Vecna Eddie can't seem to stop himself flirting with Steve. In the space of a single conversation he's told the guy to keep the jacket, compared himself to a fair maiden, and fucking winked apparently! Surely there's still some monsters left so he can fling himself into the upside-down and not have to face how embarassing he's being.

Steve is certain that all the feelings he's been having about Eddie are platonic with a captial P. True, he can't stop looking at the guy, and touching him, and thinking about how pretty he is and how soft his hair looks- But that's all totally normal friend stuff. Totally, completely, normal.

A fic exploring how the aftermath of vol. 2 could have gone had Vecna been defeated a few minutes earlier. Featuring Eddie's disaster flirting, The Jacket, Steve and Robin playing detective about Steve's sexuality, a Bi-awakening, Steve and Eddie co-parenting six children, and everyone else's reactions to the whole mess.

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Camie and Iida MHA

So I just tried out writing a new ship in my humor story for the lols and I kind of love it. They are adults in this and Iida is taking his 'nephew' Kaminari's kid out to eat.

Let me just drop part of Camie's point of view here from it and see what you guys think.

Camie like was not at all about her job right now. The hours sucked, her boss sucked, and there was way more dirt, blood, and guts to deal with on a day to day bases then she was expecting. No cap.

Not that she couldn't handle it. She was a Badass capital B, but her fights just weren't sexy enough on TV to get those sweet top 100 perks and that was not lit fam.

So she was lowkey husband shopping.

Boyfriends she could get. They lined up for her inspection, but again and again she found them lacking.

They were all such boys! Broke, rude, and immature, but she was not about old men fam.

Where oh where was her young muscled hunk, that wanted to get married and be both a Dad and a Daddy? One that would support her regardless of if she wanted to stick this Hero business out or retire to be the hottest housewife on the block?

Uh! And here she was looking so fire, and where was her man? The first time she lowered her standards and where was he? New thang was less hot then she deserved and older then her ideal, but he had said he wanted to 'treat' her. She just wanted a gentlemen and the pictures on his phone of him playing with his nieces were totes adorbs!

It had been 20 mins....maybe she should just go home?

With a final glance at the restaurant she had been waiting to go to with a special someone she spun on her attractive name brand heel and laid eyes on wide shoulders in a fitted suit. Yum.

He was tall with shoulders straight back. He gestured with his arms letting her enjoy the size. He had a narrow waist and firm thighs. Oh baby, Momma wants to smack that ass.

Hey she knows those legs!

There was something about a man in a full suit, but with pant legs short enough to show off his calves that was doing it for her. Like yes it was because of his quirk, but those muscles around his engines were firm fam. Did he rev up in bed?

Bet she could them to start smokin'.

The kid next to him was the deal maker. Camie was like gone on him. She loved a man that was good with kids and the little lecture he was giving about manners was like the cutest thing for real.

"Oh. My. God!!!! Tenya! It's been ages! No cap!" She used the opening to get her hands on that arm. So firm. She had to look up to talk to him even in her highest heels. A lady didn't chase after a man, but for this hunk a bitch might powerwalk.

"Ah Utsushimi- er Camie-san! What an unexpected surprise!" Awe he remember she preferred her first name! They hadn't had a chance to talk very often and when they did it was as Heroes. His bulky Hero costume did not do this man justice.

"It's like highkey totes great to run into you fam! You over here flexing that dad vibe." She was over doing it on the slang again, but it just burst out sometimes. Especially if she was just a little flustered.

"I'm not sure what that means, but thank you! You um....you look very nice. Are you here with someone?" Oh putting his arm up like that did great things to his outfit and was that a hint of a blush?!? She was melting.

"Thanks babes! I know this dress just slaps. I like was shook when I saw it! Would you like believe that I was supposed to have a date here, but got stood up? I'm like totes salty about it."

She took the opportunity to draw attention to her....dress and tried to make her tone more flirty and fun then upset about her circumstances.

Tenya gasped in genuine offense on her behalf.

"That scoundrel! It's unforgivable for your time to be wasted like that! It can be so difficult for a Pro Hero to get time off as it is." For a moment he looked almost panicked before he settled into rather red faced determination.

"I insist that you join us for dinner! No gentleman should allow a beautiful lady's night to be ruined!"

Fuck it, she had found her husband.

She agreed quickly because she was not in the mood to play hard to get. No she was in the mood too- where was the kid?

She liked kids and already knew she would like this kid. Mina had tons of stories about him to tell at work. Of course she had recognized little Hisoka on sight from all the pics going round at work.

They had been ignoring him for just a bit and she wanted to introduce herself. Prove how good she was with children and maybe she could have a little fantasy at dinner that she was here with her family and this was just her everyday life.

Hard to do that without the child though.

"Tenya, I totes don't see Hisoka anywhere fam." Had he gone to the restroom? On his own? He was a little young for that wasn't he?

"Hisoka? Hisoka!" Tenya Iida called in a commanding voice that did things to her and with his impressive height he must have spotted the child.

"There!" He pointed into the restaurant and took off.

She slipped her heels off and followed, but not without keeping her eyes on that impressive backside. What was that bitchin song she heard on the radio this morning?

Something like 'She walk past, I press rewind. To see that ass, one more time.'

Yeah babes it was something like that.

This was totes turning out to be a lit first date after all!

Anyway I just find this ship so fun and cute! A commenter called it PrimPop which I love. Anyone have a fic they know of with this rarepair?

I can also see a bit of drama with people assuming she's a golddigger, but really Iida is just a clueless rich boy and if he's going to invite her to a gala it's only right to give her a small present. Something common and useful like Oh diamond earrings! He's mother says they are for all occasions after all.

The full chapter won't make much sense to you if your only interested in this ship, but I'll drop the link anyway.

[ssuminshan-official]

Entering, Xuan Huangdi, emperor of peacock spirits!

Greetings Huangdi.

Greetings Huangdi.

Zixuan: *entering with his attendants, who had platters of various gifts*

Su she: greetings Xuan Huangdi.

Xue yang: ayo peacock. How's it been. *shakes hand*

Zixuan: *laughing daintily* I'm fine.

Mo xuanyu: xuan gege!

Yao: Zish!

Zixuan: heyy! I missed you two! *hugs*

Yao: same.

Zixuan: now where's my nephew.

I brought gifts for him.

Rusong: Da shushu!

(Zixuan is Rusong's Da shushu and mo xuanyu is fav xiao shushu ♡)

Zixuan: *hugs him tightly* Song'er! Darling, you have grown so much!

Xue yang: this diva, Rusong is so lucky.

Su she: yea. To have two Huangdis as his relatives.

I'm happy that our Song'er is set for life

Mo xuanyu: he grew up so fast. *sniffles*

Xue yang: our gorgeous supermodel Jiggy grew up fast too.

Su she: I know right. Lol.

Mo xuanyu: him and A-ling are the gems of their generation. And we love them a lot. Whatever they ask, we'll give them.

Take it from me, as I'm their shushu.

Su she: aww.

Xue yang: so you're the one turning then into divas.

Mo xuanyu: it's a genetic trait.

Zixuan: I bought some expensive gifts for you A-Song.

Tell me which ones you like and which ones you dislike.

Rusong: thank you very much.

Yao: Zish, our adorable A-Song has this thing called Dianxia approval.

Zixuan: *laughing* awww that's so cute. Would Dianxia approve of these gifts.

Rusong: of course. I could never refuse my Da shushu.

Su she: we're all so happy here.

Xue yang: because the hooligan of Nie is tamed.

Su she: lol!

Mo xuanyu: I hope we stay happy like this.

Xue yang: yea. Even though our happiness comes with the price of encountering three divas.

Su she: never too much divas.

Xue yang: is Qin su a diva?

Su she: *blush*

No. Well maybe she is, just like Huangdi.

Xue yang: awwwww look at his blushing face.

Now that's enough. Let's see what a diva and a diva is going to tell a fellow diva.

Su she: *rolls eyes*

Mo xuanyu: stop teasing them.

Meanwhile....

Rusong: mmm, I don't like this colour.

Zixuan: don't worry, shushu has got this.

My nephew doesn't like that colour! Move it out! And maybe burn it.

Yes Huangdi.

Yao: *caressing Rusong's face* isn't our little Dianxia adorable.

Zixuan: Song'er, do you love your gifts?

Rusong: of course! I love everything, Da shushu. Thanks again.

Zixuan: sweet.

Xue yang: can I take a break from divas.

Su she: we can run but can't hide.

Hauisang: *running in* San ge! San ge!

*abruptly stopped when he saw Zixuan*

Zixuan: *glaring at him, as if he had interrupted something*

Huaisang: *gulps* Xuan Huangdi.

Yao: huaisang, why are you running?

Huaisang: I was coming to ask if you wanted any refreshments. Whew! I'm out of shape. Dage was right.

Zixuan: aww, I'm so pleased.

Yao: lovely huaisang, we do have a guest.

You can get it after you catch your breath.

Huaisang: yea yea.

Zixuan: I'm so glad you are behaving. Is he, team dimple.

Xue yang: yup.

Su she: for now.

Mo xuanyu: rest assured, Xuan gege.

Huaisang: how did you get them to answer you so nicely. They argue with  anyone who's not San ge.

Huaisang: they even argue with peaceful zewu Jun.

Zixuan: I used some gege magic, I guess.

Yao: yeaa!!

Su she: maybe because Xuan Huangdi isn't a scheming little power hungry, NSFW and paperfan collecting twink.

*breathes*

Yao: Shanshan, do your breathing exercises.

Su she: yea Huangdi. Didn't do it for a while.

Xue yang: we like what Jiggy likes. That's one of the team dimple mottos.

Huaisang: what's the first?

Xue yang: just, Jiggy is smokin hot. Protect him at all costs.

Zixuan: haha.

Zixuan: anyways I heard that he kidnapped our Song'er. Is that true?

Su she: yes.

Zixuan: he's mad! He should stay 12 meters away from Song'er.

Yao: definitely Zish, but he's rectifying his mistake.

Huaisang: yes, Zish. I am. *cries* let go of your grudge!!!

Zixuan: I'll have my eyes on you.

Oh Song'er.

Yao: poor baby.

Rusong: I'm fine, don't worry.

Xue yang to Huaisang: you just have to live with them, lol.

Hauisang: I thought that I was dramatic.

Huaisang: Huangdi and Huangdi, he wanted to destroy my dungeon.

Yao: it's called renovation.

Zixuan: maybe Song'er thought that it was ugly.

Rusong: *laughing mischievously*

Uncle Sang, at least your tea wasn't stale.

Huaisang: good.

Zixuan: oh good then. He can make tea. I thought that I was going to die today.

Huaisang: why?

Yao: Zish is allergic to things that doesn't taste good.

Mo xuanyu: that's a whole mood.

Yao: speaking of which. Are you going to get us refreshments?

Hauisang: right. I'll be right back!

~~~

~~~ an hour after taking refreshments.~

Yao and Zixuan: *sitting and fanning themselves*

Yao: guangshan sent a letter to us.

Zixuan: why?

Yao: I don't really know. He's so annoying. Lol.

Zixuan: let me see.

Yi: here you go, Xuan Huangdi. 

Yao: I haven't read it yet, as I was waiting for you to arrive.

And he agrivates my migraine.

Zixuan: lol, Yaoyao. *opens letter*

Yao: *sarcasm* oh look. His penmanship haven't improved. How lovely.

Zixuan: is that how someone would format a letter? Was he drunk.

Yao: is he ever sober?

Look at his spelling.

Zixuan: lol.

~~ letter~~

          ZiShuan and Guannao. I don't hav ani mony 4 u. So don't even tink of colecting rent.

U guys can do w/out mony for 4 monts right? You're 'emprors' right. Empror it out yourselves.

Well Zixun hasn't fully re covered and staff is bak so I don't have to clean.

                     ~ Jgs.

(*jgs actually has the money, but he wants to keep it to himself and not pay his dear landlords)

Yao: he always has some kind of problem, doesn't he!

Zixuan: Yaoyao, we'll deal with him.

Yao: I think we need a lawyer to intimidate him. What do you think?

Zixuan: brilliant idea.

But who.

Huaisang: *wiping a vase*

Yao: Huaisang.

Zixuan: yes.

Huaisang: me, your lawyer? Haha

Zixuan: I'm also surprised.

Yao: you only take up space in the palace. You should get a job.

Huaisang: I ran errands for you, San ge. That's a job.

An unpaid one, but.

Yao: you do get paid. But the money goes towards Qinghe, the unclean realm and Dage.

Huaisang: *sobs* what about meee.

Yao: you complain too much.

Huaisang: you!

Yao: are you gonna help us or not

Hauisang: I don't know anything, guys.

Zixuan: I know.

Huaisang: now how can I possibly be an imperial lawyer

Yao: well you're cunning. Scheming.

Zixuan: can take bribe.

Huaisang: I don't take bribe, Huangdi!

Yao: I'll buy you a new fan.

Huaisang: really?!

......oh. now I see it.

But that's not the point!

Why don't you let your team dimple do it!

Yao: I want to protect A-Yu from that guy. Xue yang will resort to violence, and Minshan is busy fixing an array for me.

Huaisang: what about Lan lips??

Yao: it's against the Lan rules.

Zixuan: don't oppose Huangdi, Huaisang.

Yao: I'll get you two expensive fans.

Huaisang: then I'll be your lawyer, San ge and Xuan Huangdi.

~

Lanling 📍

Yao: we're back!

Zixuan: did you miss us?!!

Huaisang: Jin guangshan.

Jgs: oh no. Is this another child of mine too?! Look child, I don't have any money to give you!

Zixuan: he's Huaisang, relax.

He's not your son.

Jgs: whew!

Huaisang: it would have been so cool if I was in the Jin sect. I would be able to buy millions of fans.

Jgs: now why are you three here!?

Yao: well. As we're kind landlords.

Zixuan: we want to help you pay the rent!

Yao: *twirling with Zixuan* aren't we amazing!

Jgs: you two are headaches.

Now how are you going to help me pay the rent.

Zixuan: oh poor poor you.

Yao: we're emperors. We can do anything.

Now all you have to do is be our personal attendant for a while.

Zixuan: and we'll pay you! 500 000 taels!

That will go towards rent.

Jgs: what about food!

Huaisang: I'm pretty sure that the emperors had provided food for you! Old, ungrateful man!

Jgs: who the heck are you to talk to me like that!

Huaisang: the lawyer and escort of the emperors.

Yao: yea! Huaisang is our lawyer.

Jgs: I want a lawyer.

Zixun!!!!!

Zixun: *in the distance* I'm still recovering.

Jgs: dangit!

Huaisang: what do you guys give him to eat?

Yao: rice and beans, and bitter tea.

Zixuan: and a piece of rock sugar for dessert.

Jgs: *scoffs* you call that dessert.

Yao: can you be grateful?

Huaisang: guangshit, I advise you to take their help.

Xuan Huangdi can put you prison, and Yao Huangdi can attack you with guqin strings and hensheng.

Jgs: I'm not afraid of them!!!

Zixuan: fine then. Someone lock him up.

Yes Huangdi!!

Jgs: no no no no no. Zixuan darling, let's talk about this.

Yao: *reaching for hensheng, which was wrapped around his arm and hidden in his sleeves.*

Jgs: *sweating* Yao. Put away hensheng. 

Yao: you're no fun.

Jgs: fine, I'll be the attendant of you both.

Zixuan: marvelous.

Yao: excellent.

Jgs: ughh.

Yao: good doing business with you.

I'll shake your hand. Huaisang, shake his hand for me.

Huaisang: mn.

Huaisang: now sign the contract.

Jgs: what contract.

Huaisang: it states that you should do everything the emperors command without question.

Jgs: that's cr*p

Yao: well you will know how it felt when I had to obey yout stupid demands.

Huaisang: I'm not done reading the contract!

If you fail and upset them, then you won't get paid.

And calling them Huangdi or boss is included.

Jgs: why?

Huaisang: to learn some respect.

Huaisang: and.

Jgs: andd??!!!

Huaisang: you must not harm team dimple.

:readmore:

Because it's like harming the emperor. And you'll be penalized.

Jgs: I'm not signing anything!

Yao: don't let me forge your signature.

I have done it before.

Jgs: what? When?!!

Yao: To develop health care in Lanling, to approve of Chengmei being a Jin apprentice and many other things that benefit Lanling Jin today.

Jgs: your photographic memory is a curse to me!

Yao: thank you so much.

So should I sign, or ?

Jgs: give me the brush.

Yao: good old man.

Jgs: *signs* now get out.

Zixuan: certainly!

Yao:  tata. Work starts tomorrow.

Zixuan: we'll send the uniform for you later ok.

Jgs: what uniform?!!!

Yao: you'll see. Don't ruin the surprise.

Zixuan: it's protocol. You'll understand when you get it! Bye bye bye. We're late.

Huaisang: the emperors are late, guangshit.

Jgs: for what?

Huaisang: their manicure and then state affairs. Whatever emperors do, I don't know.

You won't understand.

@verycatbluebird

:readmore:

[ramblingdisaster73]

4x05 Thoughts

So we were right saying O’Brien’s nephew was the bomber – yay

Oh, murder – nice little head shot for the nice hiker dude.

There goes Owen with his celebrity references – he always talks about movies or celebrities – especially when trying to talk someone into something or when he is in a position he is actually inexperienced in – (ex: 3x12 Stakeout & whatever one he used this season already)

I love Mateo

Paul’s face at Owen’s “You would look smokin hot on my bobber” was priceless.

I love that they ALL think that the complaint is one – against Owen & two – from Pearce.

She has a beautiful voice

The interview montage was great

“Bam Bam” Nancy Gillian

I think Nancy and Mateo now share a brain cell – they were so similar to each other in the interviews

“Do we know each other” – pinged all the ‘this is Paul’s love interest’ bells – INSTANTLY

I like TK saying “He would never do something stupid like that again” – it was the again part – immediately followed by Paul’s “Did he do something stupid again?” in the most resigned voice.

I understand the whole it not being right to call the lady crazy – and an apology is a pretty reasonable request – the rest – NOT AT ALL

I love Captain Owen Strand – the man that backs his crew – supports their decisions – this is the Owen I can get behind – this is where he excels.

I didn’t think the mother appeared inebriated, but I wasn’t totally sure on what was going on – I have had similar things happen to me with my migraines – so I thought it would be something neurological.

The temporary relief that Cap wasn’t in trouble – followed by Marjan telling them she was – they all did that so damn well.

Marjan and Owen always kill their scenes together – they do truly have so many similarities (I think she is more like him than TK is, and I think that Owen sees that too)

So, the only one that knew that the dude came to the firehouse was Marj, who is now conveniently gone – hmmm

Fucking stalker Honor Dogs Bomber dude

This dude is already a better stalker than Sadie was

I do feel like he has some real hesitation on what he is doing – like he is being forced.

Or he is a pretty good actor and is selling the hesitation to me really well.

I love that they handled Grace getting personally involved in a case VERY differently than the OG one did with Maddie.

I like that a central theme in this show overall (intentional or not) is that we should follow or at least listen to our instincts & to look further into something that we question.

Was one of the tests for casting the main characters a wide range in facial expressions – no matter the situation? Because this cast kills them all.

Owen showed a lot of growth – he didn’t punch the bearded fuckwad in the HR office

Seriously though – how is he not in jail? Such an accurate representation of the United States judicial system.

I hate him – like more than I did Billy at the end of Season 2.

He is abusive right? Like the red flags could fill a football field.

His ‘wife’ looks so uncomfortable

I love Marjan

I hate fuckhead beard face & his wife

Fuuck their gofundme – you lost your shit because you quite literally lost your shit

I LOVE that Marj talks to Paul, Mateo, & Nancy about this

I love Nancy immediately supporting her

I also think it’s hilarious that they are at Owen & Mateo’s house

Grace being so distracted, but replying was so great

She almost got herself out of it

I love them so much

Charlie is adorable

Ever the supportive husband

“A big scary man”

“I thought you’d be old.”

The twins are great – nice to see them teaming up on Mom

Tommy saying what we all were “Why aren’t you calling 911?”

I love seeing Grace lose her shit – not be in control

Interesting – in 4x04 we saw Carlos “Control Freak” Reyes lose all control, now in 4x05 we see Grace “calm & cool” Ryder lose all control in the field instead of at her desk – and both played it so well

I am with Judd & the kid on coconut in candy bars

I love the Tommy & Grace relationship

It feels real, organic and relatable

I like that Tommy tells Grace how much she does help – how important her role is in the whole first responders world.

So as soon as I saw bomber stalker in the apartment, I knew it would burn or blow – just didn’t expect it to be in the very next scene.

It’s so fucking horrible that two greedy grifting douchebags made her doubt her instincts to much

So, did Owen see the bomber stalker or not? It looked like he did, but??

So punching is better than talking?

I love that Paul went to file a report against the department

I love that she knew Paul pre-transition

I enjoy how observant he is.

I hate it when you know someone from somewhere, but can’t figure out where the hell you know them from

I love the support that Paul and Marjan have for each other

The FD chief is a dick – also I am pretty sure any suit filed by those idiots would be thrown out due to their own actions.

“Please wish her luck with whatever she decides” Asha to Paul – Paul – ‘yeah, I already know what she will be doing”

I am so happy Marjan stuck to her personal morals.

Owen’s reactions while watching the video were great

I agree with Marjan

I can’t wait to see what her journey brings

Just wonder if it will be until 4x09 til we see her again?

He wanted to sell it so bad to Clarke, but tries to talk Marj out of it.

The goodbye for now scene is beautiful

TK looks amazing in that sweater

Mateo will be such a helicopter dad

I am happy that I was wrong with Marjan getting hurt due to Owen’s involvement with the Honor Dogs/FBI – they really had me wondering all the way til the end credits.

You do NOT need to buy another bike – unless it is a bicycle or maybe even a unicycle if you want to be challenged. Not too many criminal organizations in the unicycle community

[bestofmidi]

You know it's leather when we ride Woodgrain and rawhide Doing what we do, watchin' screens gettin' high Girl, you keep it so fly, with your sweet honey buns You was there when the money was gone You'll be there when the money comes

original midi at https://freemidi.org/getter-27131

[purplelito1996]

Baby Bash - Tha Smokin' Nephew Slowed & Chopped By Dj Crystal Clear

[sick-tunes]

“You got me lifted, shifted higher than a ceiling and, ooh wee, it's the ultimate feeling. You got me lifted, feeling so gifted. Sugar how you get so fly? Suga’, suga’, how you get so fly? Suga’, suga’, how you get so fly?”