#The Pretty Lads™

[third--planet]

Just found a Yeosang stan who's also an aventurine stan. we won guys

[cosmonautski]

thinking bout... small guys... pocket sized lil fellas.. fun sized snack guys..

[aurynsia]

Unrequited, Terrifying Chapter 5

James Potter x Reader

Summary: The search for your mystery suitor draws to a close as you finally make an advance on your lovesick admirer…

Warnings: Extremely fluffy, nervous!james x shy!reader, some subtle wolfstar action in the background, idiots in love, oc!friends, lovesick!james, no use of Y/N, reader is referred to with she/her pronouns, secret admirer trope, strangers to friends to lovers, James gets his confidence back, aggressive flirting, NOT EDITED!

Word count: 2.6K

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

“Hi boys, hi Jamie!” James almost fell off his chair, gripping the table and steadying himself. Sirius snorted at the flustered boy, stumbling and flailing at the nickname.

You had approached the Marauders that morning with books piled in hand, fulfilling Remus’ offer to study with them once again that weekend. With Charlie and Hope using their free time to visit Hogsmeade, you were left to flirt with the young Potter all you desired.

You had told your friends about the growing suspicion surrounding the boy that morning, and James was about to find out just how dedicated you were to the investigation.

James watched you eagerly, eyes wide at the sight of you sitting next to him once again. “Hi, love,” he sighed, still staring in awe at your freshly washed hair and bright smile. While he tried to match your style with the affectionate nickname, his voice was laced with shaking nerves as he sought that courage that came so naturally around other girls.

The other boys were openly snickering at his lovestruck face, assuming you had caught onto James’ enamoured gestures by now. Remus pushed the History of Magic textbook between the two of you, though he didn’t say a word about actually using it. He was far too fascinated with the promising tension developing between you and his friend.

“I’ve been having the most eventful week, lads,” you began, motioning for the boys to lean in closer, with James inching his chair across to touch yours. “Someone in this school has been sending me love letters.”

After a beat of shock, all four boys started rambling exclamations of surprise and curiosity, as if they didn’t already know about your secret admirer. James gulped at your confession, mentally cursing himself for waiting just too long to react naturally. “Oh, really! That’s news! Do you, um…have any idea who it is?”

You met the boy’s gaze and whispered, “I have my theories…I mean, so far we’ve deduced it’s a boy with high intelligence, a good heart, and a crippling obsession over me.” James’ breath hitched, eyes flickering from yours to Remus’, before landing back at you.

“Well, I can’t blame him love! Who wouldn’t be obsessed with a pretty thing like you,” Sirius smirked, “In fact, I have some theories of my own about who this boy could be…”

“Well, my suspects have been narrowed down to about five Gryffindor boys, and I’m really hoping it’s the cutest one,” you held back a giggle at James’ parted lips. He prayed to Merlin that you could possibly consider him an option, let alone think that he’s the one you found the most attractive.

“But to be honest, with the way he writes about me I think I’d jump him the second he reveals himself to me, handsome or not,” you said noncommittally.

In that moment, James threw all his reservations out the window. He no longer cared if you noticed his obsession with you, the lingering stares, the flustered reactions. He wanted all of you, and he just had to do something about it. There was no point in letting his nerves dictate his behaviour around you, not after you had just given him the James Potter Flirting Experience™ opportunity of a lifetime.

“Well, say you did care about what the boy looks like…what’s your type?” James leaned closer to you, a softened grin lingering on his lips as he spoke teasingly.

You gasped, clearly shocked by his sudden change of behaviour, but responded nonetheless. “Oh I don’t know, probably…” you looked James up and down, slowly taking in his form.

“Someone tall and athletic. I definitely prefer kind boys, but he can have a little mischief to him. Probably someone with darker hair- make that curly dark hair. Light brown eyes have always caught my fancy, oh! And I love a good pair of glasses, especially when they come with a big brain and a handsome face behind them.”

James was only inches away from your face now, his small smile had grown into a stretching, flirtatious grin, smirking at you with red cheeks. His hair was curling around his smitten face as he bent to meet your eyes, forearms crossed and resting on the table.

Three mouths hung open at the explicit display of attraction in front of them, eyes sliding back and forth between you and James, as if following a thread of affection forming between you two.

“Well, are there any boys on your list that might…match that description?” Peter squeaked to break the tense silence. You held James’ gaze in your own, smiling innocently at the boy like you hadn’t just made his entire week.

“There is one, he’s my primary suspect. Though, I’m not sure there’s much evidence to prove it’s him sending me the letters…” You broke his gaze, finally looking around at the other curious faces surrounding you. “It could just be wishful thinking.”

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

After finally making some productive efforts to study, you and the boys began claiming your belongings that were scattered across the table and making your way to dinner.

Walking down the hallway, James matched your pace and gazed at you through his thick lenses. “So, I know you and your friends normally sit at the end of the table during meals, but we were wondering if you lot wanted to sit with us tonight,” he quickly explained as the Great Hall came into view. “I…we really enjoy your company, and honestly we regret not befriending you sooner.”

Remus and Sirius had their backs turned to you and James, though you had a feeling they were quietly giggling together at his attempted invite. “Only if your friends agree, of course! No pressure…” he trailed off, looking anywhere but your eyes as his constant fear of rejection returned and sparked nervousness in his unsure voice.

“I’d love to sit with you! I mean, all of you. I’ll grab my friends,” you replied as the doors to the hall opened and you made your way inside.

“Brilliant.”

Scurrying over to your friends, you cleared your throat and made your announcement. “My dearest, loyal companions. For one night, and one night only…can we PLEASE sit with the Marauders? I think James and I are really making some progress here and they’re honestly not that bad!” Ok, maybe more of a blurted confession than an announcement, but the intention was there.

“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it, if it means so much to one of my best friends. But what happened to the Gryffindor ego that seems to follow those boys around everywhere they go?” Charlie asked, a tinge of confusion lacing her giggling voice.

“I haven’t quite figured that bit out yet, but I think there’s more to them than meets the eye. They’re actually quite lovely,” you explained, watching your friends slowly stand from their places at the table and fall into step with you, plates in hand, agreeing in their trust of your judgement.

“You know,” Hope whispered as you approached the group, “I’m really proud of you. You’re opening up, it’s refreshing to see. And you’re starting to convince me that this house might actually be not so bad, after all. You’re really brave.”

You grinned at the girl, arm taking her shoulders in your grasp and squeezing in appreciation. “That means a lot, Hope, thank you.”

“Hey! We didn’t think you’d come!” Remus exclaimed as the three of you piled into the space saved next to James. “Although, James did get you a plate of food in anticipation.”

You glanced at the boy’s bashful smile, then down at the plate he placed in front of you. Charlie, Hope, and the remaining Marauders shared knowing looks.

“Oh! This is my favourite! How did you-“

“I see you take a serving every night-“

“Thank you, Jamie, you’re so kind…”

The nickname came to you naturally as your rambling distracted you from considering what you were saying. His cheeks glowed with that familiar red tint, grinning at you with squinted eyes and a puffed chest.

The conversation carried naturally between James’ friends and your own, all giggling and smiling at each other’s witty remarks. As the night continued, you found yourself slowly leaning more into James, a service to his heart which he gratefully accepted with open arms.

His arm moved to rest across your back, hand pressed into the seat beside you and inching you slightly forward on your chair, a position that almost mimicked an embrace without being too daring.

You felt warm near his toned chest, glancing at him affectionately every now and then. You missed every time he glanced back with that same lovesick expression.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask! Seeing as we have a curfew for the next few days, and the History of Magic assignment is due next week, I thought you might want to pop by our dorm to study sometime.” Remus had been such a supportive new friend towards you over the past few days, intentional or not, so you nodded eagerly at his proposition.

Walking back to your dorm after a long dinner filled with laughs and smiles, you and your friends wished the others goodnight as you parted ways. Your eyes lingered on James, as his did you, before turning to your group with a smile. The silence only lasted a matter of seconds.

“OH MY GOD HE’S OBSESSED WITH YOU!”

“Charlie! Keep your voice down!”

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

James started jogging to keep up with Peter and Sirius as they left the grounds of Hogwarts. Escaping the school was a three man job, much to James’ disappointment. Remus was left in the dorm to study with you, meaning he was obligated to join the trip. What could be more important than spending time with you?

“C’mon, Prongs, head up! You can get some sweets to woo her with on our way back,” Sirius reassured him. The days spent studying with you meant the group had missed the school allowed trip to Hogsmeade, something James insisted would be worth sacrificing every butterbeer for.

“We’ll be quick, I promise! You know I can’t survive without sugar in my system!” Sirius continued rambling as the three entered Honeydukes just before closing.

James quickly gathered a bag of chocolate frogs, buying way too many for just one person so he’d have an excuse for offering them to you. They quickly payed and dashed out of the store as the workers began to turn off the lights and lock the doors.

The walk back to Hogwarts was cold and windy, but James didn’t care. He’d get to spend time with you in the comfort of his own room, all the people he cared the most about in one place. He was planning how he would confess to you on the way back, playing out every scenario in his mind.

The best case in his imagination was simply holding up a blue envelope, wiggling his eyebrows, and grinning at you like a fool while you jumped into his arms and kissed him to death.

James had a stupid look of burning adoration on his face as the three finally entered the common room and headed to their dorm.

“Honey, I’m home!” Sirius called to Remus as he opened the door. “We brought necessary supplies and-“ He was cut short by the sight in front of him. Slowly, he inched further into the room, rounding the corner and letting Peter in with a gasp. Peter then made room for James in the doorway, glancing at him with sympathy.

The chocolate frogs dropped to the floor.

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

The night was quiet in the Marauders’ dorm room. Remus had taken his seat on his bed as you were sat at his desk. The soft scribbling sounds of pen against paper filled the otherwise silent space as the two of you enjoyed the warmth of your newfound friendship.

After a few hours of comparing notes, quizzing each other, and chatting about your friends, Remus stood from his bed. “I might go get changed and wash up, you need anything?”

You glanced at your almost empty pot of ink, then to the fading pigment leaking from your quill. “Do you have any spare ink?”

“I don’t have any, but James definitely would. He wouldn’t mind you using it, Merlin, he’d probably thank you for touching his possessions. Try his desk over there,” he nodded across the room, leaving you to search for supplies with a chuckle.

Moving to James’ desk, you carefully shifted through his neatly organised stationary. Textbooks lined the point where the desk met the wall, and you spotted an unopened bottle of ink right next to the stack.

As you reached for the bottle, you noticed something sticking out of the closest textbook, one for your shared Potions class. The paper was dusted in a light blue shade.

You shouldn’t look through other people’s belongings, you thought, and bit back the curiosity nipping at your integrity.

You turned back to Remus’ desk, ink in hand, knocking the textbooks over in the process.

“Godric! So clumsy…” you mumbled, picking up two textbooks, a few pages of notes and…a baby blue envelope.

You stared at the material in your hand, brain refusing to believe what your heart knew to be true. Your eyes slowly drifted from the envelope in one hand to the notes in the other. The stationary, the handwriting, the nervous interactions…it all made sense.

“Honey, I’m home! We brought necessary supplies and-“ Your eyes met the source of the sound, Sirius standing in the doorway with his mouth agape. He slowly entered the room, followed by Peter, then by James.

Your face glowed with a guilty expression as James dropped his most recent purchase. You stared at him in confusion, which he returned with a look of embarrassment. You then remembered to address the elephant in the room: the envelope in your hand.

“Oh, Merlin, James- I’m so sorry! I ran out of ink and Remus said you wouldn’t mind if I used yours while he went to wash up, so I took it and knocked over all your books in the process, it slid out and I didn’t know what to do, it’s all my fault! I’m so sorry, I didn’t want it to happen like this…”

James’ expression shifted sympathetically at your rambling, composing himself and moving closer to your worried form. The other boys quietly walked back out of the room, giving you some privacy as they shut the door behind them.

“No, darling, don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault,” he said with faltering confidence, “I meant to tell you, I really did. I was going to talk to you after my next Quidditch match - assuming we would win - because I needed the confidence to tell you. I’m so sorry, love, I really am. I hope you aren’t…disappointed…” he looked at his shoes, voice nothing more than a whisper.

“Did you mean it?”

“W-what?”

“Everything you wrote to me, did you mean it?” You clarified, a hopeful feeling washing over you. James gulped, shifting his weight between his feet as he blushed harder than ever before. “I meant every word.” It came out as a hoarse whisper as he choked on his nerves.

“Good, because I really like you, James. I honestly always have and I hadn’t even said a word to you until this year- But I desperately wanted to believe you were behind all of this, because I think you’re so charming and smart and, surprisingly, very kind.” You caught your breath after your confession, heart racing as a proud, self-assured smile emerged on your otherwise shy face.

Silence fell upon the room. You searched each other’s gaze for any evidence of ingenuity or doubt. You found none. James eventually made a sound from his parted lips.

“Willyougooutwithme!?”

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

AN: Oh my god this is a long one! But you KNOW I had to make some serious progress on this relationship >:3 I hope this reveal hit the spot! I’m going to be a bit busy over the next few days but I’ll definitely try to post the next part ASAP (as soon as I’ve written it ;-;) Again I’d just like to say thank you so much for all the love on this series! This is my first real writing project in a while so it’s been a blessing to have so much support so early on in my blog’s lifetime <3 Be sure to comment to be added to the tag list and like/reblog if you enjoyed!!

——————— ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ———————

Tag List:

@1-queenofpotatoes-1

@caspiankingofnarnia

@thesuitelifeofafangirl

@moonydoodlez

@fionnalopez

@kawaiiarbitervoid

@kc2sstuff

@rafeyswrd

@mads12043

@spicybearnaise

@ch3rry-vine

@probabydeadbynow

@ilovejamespottersomuch

@mqg125

@sofiacblair

[illusivedelights]

Call of Neighbors (T141 Neighbors!AU)

Hello,yes, I'm insane ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧. This is my personal take on what T141 would be like as neighbors ! This has been prattling around in my head a lot and I just need to get it out.

Shoutout to @ghouldtime who inspired some details for the lads! (please check them out they're so detailed with everything they write ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ)

Price

He isn't seen around too often. People wonder if he's home at all at times given how much he spends so much time out of his home. 

When he is home, he stills keeps busy! Never seems to sit still. (If a movie is playing, he'll still be doing something else).

Very skilled man though, if you need help around the house he's probably the first person you could call. 

He's the first one to respond to trouble, he'll usually be the first at the scene. But depending on what it is.......it comes at a .......price (especially if it involves any of the T141 lads. That'll cost extra.)

Tragically, he's seen as neighbor dad. He grumbles a lot about not even being old or a dad really but he doesn't help himself.

He's polite but he usually will rush off to do whatever next if he doesn't really wanna talk. But if you do get him talking, congrats you definitely got his attention. 👀. Offers to help you despite his busy schedule.

Hobbies

Reading

Carpentry/woodwork

DIY/maintenance

Homebrewing

Contracting

Playing COD (Gaz: "Cap, you need one hobby someone your age does.")

General Perception:  

The Nice Handyman Next Door who is always busy but he manages to make time if you really need help.

He's nice, but......there feels like something behind those crinkled eyes, something most people know not to push. Lordhelpyouifyoudothemanhasatemper.

Some local kids joke he's secretly a hitman (and well......they're kind of close).

Mr. Fisherman (it's the beanie. He doesn't even fish LOL)

Gaz

He is definitely the most approachable out of the whole team. He's actually pretty popular around the area and people come to him often!

He has such a handsome, young gentleman aura; the older ladies just eat it up when they see him. (He honestly uses this to his advantage if he wants to know anything that's going around the neighborhood.)

When he doesn't feel like being bothered, you'll notice he switches his wardrobe moderately and he has a different air around him.

He's actually really good at things he puts his mind to, without realizing it. It only adds to his charm.

He probably knows a lot of places around the neighborhood and could give you a recommendation if you need one.

He tends to be very polite and interacts pretty politely with everyone. Just a decent balanced interaction.

It's very subtle with Gaz. It's in his smile. He has a polite smile but if you notice it's a little different,his eyes are crinkled a little more, maybe the laugh is a little more hearty too, yeah :'). May volunteer to take you out to a place he knows.

Hobbies

Movie Watching (probably has seen some obscure ones he would share with folks)

Trying New Eateries

Video Games (he's insanely good on accident; can back up the massive shittalking. Introduced COD to Price LOL)

Walks/Exploring Surroundings (all the people interacting would give him more knowledge and he scopes it out)

General Perception

The Handsome Nice Young Man Who is Very Polite.

Neighborhood Model™/Heart Throb.

People wonder if he's a little too nice and if there's something else underneath (there is but he's not going to show it obviously).

Mr. Photogenic Smile.

Soap

Honestly he's actually very intense. Can be very unapproachable since he actually wears a serious expression all the time and he has to remind himself to actually not wear that expression outside of work or if he doesn't know you.

But once that guard is slightly down/the persona comes through, wew lad. Hope you're ready for a troublemaking, mischief seeking man. Man's a menace.

He puts his heart into everything he does. He is a commit or quit to the bit type of man.

Dudebros honestly probably flock to him a lot because of his outside hobbies and personality.

He may playfully make comments with the ladies but he doesn't want it to go too far. They definitely admire him though.

Don't be fooled though. He can change it at the flip of a switch, when it comes down to business, it's down to business.

Honestly even if it was a persona or supposed to be done playfully, you can tell the more it feels like he's your new roommate (more playful flirty banter, more inviting himself over, more teasing. It's over if he steals your food, he lives there now.) And if it's really serious, you'll see a much more serious, intellectual side of him.

Hobbies

Hitting the gym

Football (I think he could do both tbh and it's fun to get the competitive energy out)

Traditional art (drawing, painting, you name it. It's a surprising side of him but he enjoys it)

Barhopping (he would want a good pint and prolly likes the environment when there's a good game to catch)

Learning (Honestly really smart at things he specialized in, but he's trying to expand common knowledge things.)

General Perception

A Very Fit Loud Scotsman Who is The Bro To Bro.

People kinda think he's a meathead, womanizing jock at first glance, but he wins them over slowly and shows otherwise. (Unfortunately it happens a lot)

Mr. Tenacious

Mr. Punk.

Is he angry underneath all that ? (He is, don't ask about it)

Ghost

Of course he is the most mysterious and most reserved of the whole lot.

He's very quiet because when you put him in a normal environment, he legitimately doesn't have much to say unless the opportunity comes up for him to be smarmy or crack a joke. Unless he's talking to one of T141.

King of one liners tbh.

People make a lot of rumors about him given what they don't know of him, he doesn't let it bother him really.

Not a lot of people really approach him but when they do, he does give them the time of day. It's usually someone trying to vent about something. Someone probably did it and let others know he's surprisingly a good listener? He gives a comment or two if he feels it's warranted and usually they appreciate it.

If he doesn't pander it, he doesn't stop, he just keeps going what he's doing. Honestly has a decent read on bullshit and won't pander.

You'll know because he will hang around a lot. He won't say anything because he would rather strangle a man out before that but he'll also remember an obscure small detail you mentioned and he's gonna try and make you laugh in a subtle way.

It's also in his eyes. He is gonna have a very soft look. Ignore the rest of the body language, it's his eyes. RIP IF YOU HATE EYE CONTACT LMAO.

Hobbies

Movie Watching (Him and Gaz probably swap ideas, he surprisingly gets interested in narratives)

Reading (He probably has guilty pleasure short stories, you won't convince me otherwise LMAO)

Community art (Soap probably dragged him into one event and the old ladies begged him to come back. He doesn't go often but only if he feels it and it's just the older hens. Theydontgivehimshite)

Skulking about

Cooking (cooking in the sense he's trying to figure out how to make things that's palatable in the field in extremely dumb conditions)

General Perception

Spooky Scary Skeleton Man Who Should Not Be Approached

Mr. Big, Tall, and Scary

That Broody MF who doesn't talk enough.

Edgy man who thinks he's better than everyone.

Mr. Sexy (ALLEGEDLY...)

They have other hobbies and stuff beyond what I typed of course, but I wanted to try and give them something more.... normal given the AU?

Part 2

[pickles4nickles]

Last year, I wanted to do some kind of jank, made in Powerpoint VGAs-type stream, but… that requires me to put a Powerpoint together and a speech for each thing… and I’d wanna make a cute little suit for my PNGtuber and I’d need to find the TIME…

And that was too much pressure for me to get everything together.

So instead, I did a blog post rundown of the games that were released in 2024 that I either played or experienced through a stream that I liked or have something to say about it. The fact that any video game is released is kind of a miracle in and of itself and I think that deserves an award, even if it’s not “The Most” or “The Best” of something!

So without further ado, here’s my version of the 2024 Video Game Awards:

The Worst Use of the Name “Mililani” Award | Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth

LaD: Infinite Wealth was the latest release in the Yakuza series, where ex-yakuza man Ichiban Kasuga goes to Hawai’i to find his mom and shenanigans ensue. The man who is supposed to be Legally Dead and Not Alive known as The Dragon of Dojima, Kiryu Kazuma is also there. He’s having a mortality crisis. It’s fine. If you’ve never played or experienced a Yakuza game, the vibe is essentially big crime J-drama with interludes of silly side stories in-between. Some of these side stories include games that involve taming and getting into cockfights with middle-aged weirdo men and running a vacation resort with cameos from characters of the Japanese equivalent of Sesame Street.

I actually wrote a really, really long review about this game back in the Spring, so I’ll keep this section as short as I can. LaD: IW is a game that attacked my soul as I am a Hawai’i born and raised Gamer™. For the most part, I did enjoy the 100+ hours I put into the game and I did like the battle system and side games, but I have some gripes about the story and I do kinda cross my arms at the way the game portrayed my hometown. That being said I think Infinite Wealth is… ffffine and I’d recommend it if you like the Yakuza series or big JRPGs, just… be wary of the intercultural perceptions.

The Productivity Killer Award | Balatro

Balatro is a roguelike deck building game that revolves around making the highest scoring Poker hands, while using various Joker and other cartomancy-kinda cards to manipulate your score, but also editing your deck by modifying or adding to the traditional 52 that you’d use in regular Poker.

Balatro’s just… good! It’s really easy to pick up even if you don’t know how to play real Poker (like me), but there’s also an insane level of mastery to be had with it. There’s just something kinda fun about breaking the rules of a long-established card game that feels great.

The Tiniest Terry Award | Tiny Terry’s Turbo Trip

Tiny Terry’s Turbo Trip is a game by the Wuppo devs where you’re a little blue guy who drives his car around the town of Spranklewater, collecting Turbo Junk to upgrade his car to launch it into space. You also have a pipe. To assert dominance :)

TTTT has this really specific dry and absurdist flavor of humor that I really, really like. And on top of that it’s just a really fun game to run around in and play. Massive overworld maps that you find in bigger budget games can get overwhelming, but this game has just the right amount of places to go and poke around in.

The Stupidest Game I’ve Played This Year /pos Award | Thank Goodness You’re Here!

Thank Goodness You’re Here is a game where you’re a little man in a delightful 2D, hand-drawn British town and you just kinda slap things and help people with their problems. Sometimes there is a dick joke. Sometimes there is just straight up A Dick. Because British humor.

I don’t have too much, like, deep and meaningful insight about this one… because it’s really not that type of game. I really like the art style of this game, the whole thing is pretty much just one, big interactive sketch comedy. It’s a game that’s very unapologetic about its culture by just forcing you to sit with how grimy it can be at times, and it’s great!

The Devotion Burger Award | Great God Grove

Great God Grove is a game from the Smile for Me devs about a world in which every thirty or so years, a giant rift in the sky opens up that acts as a portal between the mortal plane and the realm of the gods. An elected human can enter the rift and ascend to godhood, but if left open too long, the rift will suck up and destroy the world. The gods have always joined together to close the rift, but this time around, The Grove is in chaos. Due to some nasty letters sent out by the next-god-to-be, King, it doesn’t seem like the gods will come together in time to stop the apocalypse, so it looks like it’s your job to straighten things out. With your trusty tool, the Megapon, you can suck up the words people say and shoot them at other people to help people communicate and solve puzzles.

So you’ve all been seeing me draw fanart of this game. This game got into my HEAD. LimboLane’s character designs and writing are always so unique and quirky and they’re not afraid to put their feelings and emotions into their art (I have been learning recently that that is very hard to do). I was initially interested in this game because of its style, went in as blind as possible, and I did not expect this game to fall into my lap when I really needed it most because it touched upon some subjects that I’ve been kinda struggling with recently. This and Tiny Terry’s Turbo Trip would probably be my Game of the Year picks if I was making that a concrete award for this.

The Gay Fish Award | WEBFISHING

WEBFISHING is a multiplayer lobby (but you can play it solo!) game where you make a little animal guy (cat or dog) and you fish and hang out with your friends. As you fish, you earn money that can be exchanged for cosmetics.

WEBFISHING is a really, really simple game and that’s, like, not a bad thing or to undermine the devs or anything at all. Most multiplayer games have a very concrete goal in mind where players usually have to focus on the main goal to participate, and a lot of us just don’t have the time or the energy to be actively and continuously present for something like that anymore. The nature of WEBFISHING is just hanging out with your pals, popping in and out as it suits you. And we need more games like that.

The Why Have You Done This Award | UFO 50 - Mooncat

UFO 50 is a pack of fifty retro-style games from the Spelunky devs and friends that emulates a fictional video game company’s legacy through the years. Mooncat is one of those games where you play as… what- what the hell is that- An orange (red?) pickle-shaped creature with Grinch feet and unknown motivations.

The directional buttons move the character left and face buttons will move the character right. Pressing a directional button and a face button at the same time will make the character jump and doing so again while in mid-air will make them do a ground pound.

Hey, so, I dunno what mad lad in specific came up with this game, but this is simultaneously one of the worst and best things I have ever played and I think this game should get spotlighted for that emotion alone.

The “Close Enough, Welcome Back Pokemon XD” Award | Beastieball

Beastieball is basically what if Pokemon was also Haikyuu- this is a game that’s Pokemon double battles but also a volleyball game at the same time. As you recruit new critters to your team, they’ll learn new plays, maybe metamorphose into new forms, and make bonds with their teammates.

At the time I initially started writing this, I hadn't finished the whole game- I’m near the end, though, at this game’s version of The Elite Four. The game is also still in early access with a lot of Beasties having unfinished visual assets. Despite all that, BEASTIEBALL IS SOLID. I might write up a longer review of it once I’m done with the game, but as someone whose favorite Pokemon game is Pokemon XD and we haven’t had a solid PvE experience in that franchise in YEARS, Beastieball definitely scratches that itch.

The Cardboard Crack Award | Pokemon TCG Pocket

Pokemon TCG Pocket is Pokemon’s new trading card game app where you collect cards and play a simplified version of the long-running card game. 

I’m putting this here because for being a free-to-play live service kinda game, it’s been… pretty good all things considered? At least for now? Yeah, there’s some decks that aren’t FTP friendly and the RNG will have your head in your hands sometimes. I dunno, as someone who fell hard from playing Pokemon VGC where I got overwhelmed with the amount of plays I had to retain, this was a nice change of pace. I’ve been having fun talking about the different kinda decks that have been going around with friends, sharing the cards we find, and I get to experience the serotonin of opening a card pack without having to spend real world money so... good! While there’s a nonzero chance that the game will fall to ruin a la Pokemon Go, I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve had with the game at the moment.

The “Games I Watched but Didn’t Play” Honorable Mentions

Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom

“Shmovement”- type platformer where you’re a little car with an acceleration button. Has a really great soundtrack! Not-so-subtly dunks on the muskrat man. I don’t have a lot to say about this game because, again, I watched it and didn’t play it and a lot of what makes this game neat is the platforming of it all. It’s on my to-play list, though! So maybe one day.

Crow Country

Survival horror game where you uncover the secrets of the eponymous amusement park, Crow Country. Has an unsettling vibe, goopy monsters, but doesn’t really have any jumpscares, if that helps anyone. I also don’t have a lot to say about this, not just because a lot of the experience comes from having the controller in my hands, but… horror’s not really a genre I go to very often. But I guess if a scaredy baby like me wasn’t put off by the early Playstation-style graphics and could sit through it, that’s a good sign?

Uncle Chop’s Rocket Shop

An auto shop repair roguelike where you consult in-game manuals on how to repair different modules under time pressure. Has a lot of swearing for Vibe Reasons. From what I’ve seen, this game can be FRANTIC, so if you’re looking for a chill game, this might not exactly be for you, but there are two modes- one with smaller jobs, but more time pressure, and another with less time pressure, but bigger jobs that you need to do almost perfectly. I’ve been burnt out on roguelikes, but I might actually consider picking this one up, as the test of skill isn’t necessarily reaction time or muscle memory like your traditional roguelike, but gaining knowledge to fix modules quickly without consulting the manual. And I think that’s neat! I don’t think we’ve had a game like that just yet. That being said, the game has been buggy at times, but the devs have been patching it up regularly, so if you’re interested in picking it up, be aware of that! And waiting a little bit before grabbing it might be a solid move.

Egg Squeeze

If Thank Goodness You're Here! was the stupidest game I've played this year, this is the stupidest game I've watched this year.

I refuse to tell you anything about this game.

Persona 3 Reload

It’s the same Persona 3 we all know from the early 2000s with a LOT of quality of life changes and fully voiced social links! That being said, it is still Persona 3, so your mileage may vary and please note the literal trigger warnings.

I… was not able to finish watching a playthrough of it because the end of the game does get kinda heavy and I haven’t been in the right headspace for it (I do not handle death and mortality very well), but in my opinion, of the more modern, easily accessible Persona games (Pour one out for 1 and 2), I think P3 sticks to its thesis and theming the best.

Metaphor: ReFantazio

A game from the Persona team where it’s the same kinda day-to-day hang out with people to strengthen your bonds, fight RPG dungeon monsters kind of deal, except instead of a Japanese high school, a high fantasy setting. 

I liked watching this game- there’s a lot of twists that made me metaphorically (heh) get up from my chair and go “NO FUCKING WAY” and I do like a lot of the characters and their social links. However, this still is the Persona team and, no, they still do not know how to write young adult women. In terms of overall story, Metaphor asks the question, “In times of fear and anxiety, can the general public be trusted to choose a trustworthy leader?” While the game’s plot and themes swing hard in the beginning, the game’s ending kinda pulls its punches.

Despite all that, from what I’ve seen, there’s a lot of quality of life improvements in this game compared to past Persona games - social links ALWAYS level up for each event, the game will very clearly tell you whether an action will progress time or not, the battle system is very polished, and a lot of people seem to like the Archetype system which allows your party members, not just the protagonist, to change battle classes.

Also, shout-out to some of this game’s enemy designs, as some of them are inspired by Hieronymus Bosch paintings. I don’t think a boss battle has ever filled me with the rawest emotion of “okay what the hell am I looking at” as much as this game.

Astro Bot

In the past few years, Team Asobi, a first-party developer for Sony, has been making what are basically tech demos for the Playstation, featuring their little cutie robot player character, Astro Bot. This year, they released a full-on collectathon platformer! A green Minion-ass lookin’ alien breaks apart your spaceship and scatters your robot buddies to the winds, and it’s your job to save them.

I’m just gonna sound like a broken record at this point because, yeah, this game won the VGAs and so many people have sung its praises, but I’m genuinely glad this won GOTY. Even though it’s a very “Sony wants you to remember how good they are/used to be” kind of game that pricks you with a needle and pumps 50ccs of nostalgia into you, it’s still a very solid game without it. To me, the visuals are the best part, with bright, colorful worlds that have so, so much polish into them and you can tell the team had fun making it. I’m glad this game won the GOTY because I want this industry to realize that games don’t need to be gritty and realistic to have value, they just need to be made with heart.

And Two Games I Played This Year that were 2023 Releases

In Stars and Time

Dude, you’re still on Tumblr, you probably heard of this one.

In Stars and Time is a black and white RPG Maker kinda RPG where you play as Siffrin, who is So Very Okay And Not Having A Rough Time At All and stuck in a time loop. The battles operate under a literal rock-paper-scissors weaknesses system with a ATB (Active Time Battle) meter and a Persona-like All-Out Attack style system, which builds as you use the same types of attacks in succession.

It has The Character (Siffrin) with The Character Design. It has the object head character. It has maybe the most casual conversations about being trans and being ace that I've ever seen in any video game so far. It has the narrative that will rip your heart out and possibly inspire you to consider therapy (not as a bad thing). It has so much!!

I have a lot of feelings on In Stars and Time as this was maybe the most cathartic game I’ve played in a while that put into words a lot of feelings I haven’t quite been able to name. That being said, I don’t have too much to say other than, like, it’s good? While a lot of games have the ludonarrative dissonance problem, this game achieves ludonarrative harmony. Although the cast has been traveling with the protagonist prior to the start of the game, Siffrin being emotionally distant from them means there’s some stuff they don’t know about their friends, so you get to learn what’s going on with them along with Siffrin. As you go through loop after loop after loop, you’ll maybe get a little frustrated and the game realizes that and reflects that narratively! A lot of RPGs also have trouble nailing the ending or, like, either the gameplay is good and the story falls short or the other way around, but… ISAT’s pretty much nails everything!

If I had played this in 2023 (and Hi-fi RUSH didn’t exist), it might’ve been my GOTY.

Chants of Sennaar

A point-and-click-ish deductive reasoning game where you use cultural and societal context clues to translate language!

I think this is a game that’s best to go in knowing as little as possible, like, if the premise sounds interesting at all to you, go and pick it up. If you’re on the fence about it because puzzle games can be difficult, the game has a note-taking journal system that’ll help you confirm translations and show any notes you’ve taken on-screen as you’re puzzling stuff out, so you don’t have to worry about getting overwhelmed. I think that’s all I can say about it without spoiling anything, so go grab it if it piques your interest at all.

[osarina]

Waking up next to Chuuya or Dazai must feel like heaven, because who wouldn't wanna have a handsome lad next to themselves ? So if the waking part is that good, then it means that the former moment, aka the ZZzzzz , must have some disadvantage to it.

First off, Dazai: this guy has NO bed etiquette whatsoever. The very first time you share the bed you can already say bye bye to your blanket because he is HOGGING that shit!!! If that was not enough for you to send him straight to the couch then maybe the fact that he will absolutely not stay still, always moving and changing positions, which sends you to the good ol' floor ™ , will make you do it. I could also go on that he is a sleeptalker and one of those weird af individuals that undress themselves to literal nakedness while asleep but I feel like he has been flamed enough already.

Chuuya whereas snors like a middle aged father of 4 (and shockingly, gets louder when he drank beforehand, how is this even possible????), runs hot 24/7 and sends you temperature wise straight to Florida Keys and Miami because he is not just the big spoon, he is the iron one (which is sooooo cute and romantic at first, to be held like that until it turns into an oh no! situation once you realize that you gotta go to the toilet though)

Feel free to add more stuff or disagree

(and just to be clear, this review is very /lh, love these two dummies)

AHHAHAHAHAHHAH PLEASEEEEEE STOP YOU'RE SO RIGHT

dazai TRULY has 0 bed etiquette, and yk what, the night starts out fine too. he lays on his side of the bed or he curls up at your side, and it's soooooo precious to see him sleeping for once because this man RARELY lets himself sleep, but once he's knocked out ... the first time you're woken up, it's because he's literally sprawled entirely on top of you and his elbow is digging into your side. you have to shove him off of you because you literally cannot BREATHE. the second time you wake up, it's cuz you're literally SHIVERING because this man has taken all of the blankets and demands for the AC to be cranked even though he's always cold. the third time you wake up, it's because he literally can't sleep if he's not touching you in some manner, so he becomes restless and starts moving in his sleep trying to seek you out. you get a foot to the shin and a hand to the face before he finally manages to get his arms around you to curl back up next to you ... and of course the cycle repeats after that. dazai is a HELLISH bed partner but </3 he's pretty so it makes up for it

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO CHUUYA SNORING HELP ME WHY IS THAT SO ACCURATE, and you know this man adamantly denies it too. "wdym i don't snore" and he gets SOOO passionate about it. even when you take a video to show him, he accuses you of editing it bc he refuses to admit he snores like a fucking truck. IM CRYING BC NOT ONLY DOES HE RUN HOT BUT YOU LITERALLY CANNOT ESCAPE HIM, so not only do you have to pee desperately but you're also sweating because he's literally a FURNACE

they're such LOSERS i love them pls this made me giggle i love YOU

[the-black-bulls]

Realization of the Day:

(⚠ huge manga spoilers for anime only below)

Yami is an actually pretty darn tragic character if you take five mins to think about it and take a good look at his history; I managed a quote based on this as a joke here, but he's indeed covered nearly every sad and tragic backstory trope in the book.

Let's see... he lost his mother who died from childbirth when he's 5-6 years old, and spent the better part of his childhood on pointless and intense training by his abusive, sexist, daughter-beater, war obsessed father; and then at the age of 13 said father forced a freaking drug on his baby sister and Yami had to witness the massacre of their clan by her hand before he took down his father for once and all to protect her before he stopped her and held the weight of all her crimes on his shoulders and left his hometown to never return again.

Then... he shipwrecked, barely surviving death, on an unwelcoming land and suffered from language barrier, culture shock, xenophobia and about every typical "Why Clover Kingdom is the Worst Kingdom in the World" key point, all lasted for two years until he turned 15 and recieved his grimoire, but prior and shortly after to it Yami was pretty much on his own with no one else to rely on or a home to return to.

The... things got better, no? He met the Faust Bros, he met Julius, he was offered a roof to sleep under and a chance to start fresh; 15 years lad who's already suffered a lot but ready to live and learn against all the odds with Nacht as his partner in crime and Morgen as his best friend... and then they both got screwed up years later when Yami, at the age of 18, wasn't around, so he only got to face the loss through a visit to the latter's grave while the former grieved his brother's death, and Yami never stopped smoking ever since.

It was right then and there when Yami decided, enough's enough, and promised to create a squad that became a home for the unlucky who shared some of Yami's experience in his past, be it the abusive family, lost of a beloved one, crippling loneliness, crime burdens, being unfit to the norms, and the list goes on. My favorite example is a threeway tie between Noelle, who is pretty much Ichika if Ichika didn't have an amazing brother, and Gauche, whose first meeting with Yami makes a hell lot of sense now that we know Yami also had a sister he threw his life for her sake, and finally Nero, who will never be able to return to her old life and is fairly content about it because she's too loyal to the person she loves to cry over homesickness.

Yami has been there, done that, experienced those, and is still going through some TraumaWorthyBullshit�� right now, and while he rarely shows negative signs of what he's been through, I like to think that he offers the Black Bulls what he always wanted to be offered.

That, by accepting them and letting them live however they want, but above all, by giving them a safe place to belong to.

In short, the Black Bulls is Yami's way to deal with the bullshit that's his lifetime worth of trauma. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[yuikomorii]

hey there. hope you're doing well 😊💗

i was just wondering which Love and Deepspace (an otome game) character would match with the DL characters?? I'm really looking forward to your opinion on it since your wordings are very well done to me ^~^

// I love the LADS graphics soooo much, but unfortunately I don’t have enough storage to play it. However, I did watch a lot of gameplay videos, yet I don’t know how accurate my interpretation will be:

Rafayel - He seems like the Ayato type. Bratty, pretty and playful but also got a sweet side.

Xavier - Most likely Azusa, since they’re both good boys™. I also feel like both of them got a 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 side despite the cinnamon roll vibe.

Zayne - I guess he’s the serious and smart one of the bunch, so I’ll go with either Reiji or Ruki.

Sylus - I wanted to say Carla because of the ‘villain’ role, but imo Sylus is too cool to be any Diaboy. I’m sorry, but I can’t find the loserism in him. >_<

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

i have a request! + a little bit of a ranting because i love talking about this game (if you don't want to see the long rant you can skip to the two last paragraphs with the actual request :3)

ok so, i played SDV multiple times (although i never did the 100% challenge, i played at least 9 to 10 different saves), and i noticed that, throughout the entire game, the farmer's parents only send 4 letters for them, and for you to even receive said letters, you need to obtain certain amount of gold. plus, another detail is that only one of the parents will send you a letter (depending of the gender option you chose in-game), while the other one is never mentioned even once.

additionally, i also found interesting how, whenever Harvey mentions having to do "an emergency surgery" on the player, the parents never even send a letter mentioning it or anything. i would assume that for something as serious as a surgery, a family member would be contacted in case anything went south, but that never seemed to be the case. you simply wake up from the surgery, go home, sleep, and your parents never even show sign of being alive.

i know Eric most likely did this to 1. keep the past of the farmer as vague as possible for people who enjoy creating OCs/sonas to not have to ignore canon details, and 2. in regards of the letters, to reward the player for reaching x milestone. however, my little brain could not help but assume that the reason the farmer barely receives any letters from their parents (and when they do it's only from one of them) it's because they bought some heavy mommy/daddy issues™ baggage with them to the valley.

and that's where my request comes from: how would the older villagers (preferably those with no children and/or spouses, like Gus, Marlon, Willy, Linus, etc) react to the farmer accidentally calling them mom/dad, because the farmer views them as the parental figure they wish they had in their life? would it be awkward? would they be flattered? would they comfort the farmer? i NEED to know.

additionally, i would prefer if you could make it a mixture of angst and fluff. plus, you can choose any villager you want, i just ask you to include Willy, since he's the one that i made a father/child relationship with my OC and who inspired this request in the first place.

thank you, hope it wasn't too much!!! and take care :3

I have to say, when I first played the very first save, I was also interested in the fact that only one parent sent letters, and even the letter itself didn't say "me and your mom/dad are proud of you", but just "I'm proud of you, with love dad/mom). Then the letters stopped coming altogether. My first guess and failed headcanon for my OC is that Farmer only had one parent (the other parent abandon family/dead), and when the letters stopped coming, the other parent passed away as well. And then I thought it was a pretty dark headcanon and scrapped the idea. Don't want too much angst, nope!

I really like this ask, because in my opinion, even if Farmer has living and loving parents, they will still see some people in Stardew Valley as a parental figure, because Farmer's family is far away.

I hope you enjoy the stories, I tried to make them both sad and fluffy at the same time. Thanks for ask and enjoy! ❤️

Willy, Marlon, Linus and Gil react to Farmer calling them dad.

Willy:

Amazement, laughter and pride is what Willy felt as Farmer very emotionally showed how they caught the Legendary fish in the mountain lake, not forgetting to gesticulate. They and Willy were sitting on the docks on a late summer night when, a little tired from fishing, they began to tell each other their fishing stories over a bottle of mead.

"That fish almost tore the fishing line, but I still managed to pull it out. I swore and puffed, but I pulled it out! It was huge!" The farmer summarized his story.

"What a fisherman! Well done, lad/lass!" The old fisherman's heart rejoiced that young people were still interested in fishing.

"Thanks, Dad!" The Farmer quickly said the last phrase on emotion, but their smile quickly slipped and they slapped themselves on the mouth. Willy also sat silent, a little surprised at the last word. Dad... The sea wolf had his heart broken more than once in his youth, and he had already resigned himself to the fact that he would never hear that word. He wasn't sad, for fishing did bring him happiness. And still...

"Sorry, that was... Ugh, I didn't mean to-" The Farmer was already trying to get out of the awkward situation, except that they felt the old sailor's hand on their shoulder, Willy's eyes looking at them with pride and warmth.

"You're welcome, son/daughter. I'm really proud of you". Never did Willy think he could say such words, the words of a proud parent for his growing child. Willy did not have a wife or children, so he could not feel the pain of loss from something he never had. And yet, after that word, he felt as if a stone had been lifted from his shoulders, and a warmth flooded into the old sailor's heart when the Farmer, crying, hugged him back after his words.

Marlon:

"Kid!"

"I'm fine!" The Farmer's voice came up from the bottom floor of the mine, letting Marlon know that they weren't under a rubble pile of rocks or in a nest of monsters. After a moment, Farmer was able to climb out of the hole in the floor on their own, unharmed, just a couple of scratches and with dirt.

Seeing that the Farmer was standing on their feet and unharmed, Marlon sighed in relief. But immediately, anger filled the old one-eyed adventurer's chest. Using a mega bomb on slimes - how did they even think of this!? The uppermost levels of the mines can collapse from a not too strong explosion, and then there's explosives of such power!

"Things went a little off plan, but we still destroyed those slimes. I call it success," the Farmer didn't have time to finish, as Marlon walked up to them quickly and gave them a not too strong, but quite painful smack upside the head. The Farmer immediately writhed in discomfort.

"Ouch! Why?"

"What were you thinking!?" It was the first time the Farmer saw Marlon so angry, the one-eyed monster hunter rarely lost his temper, "Have you lost your mind? Using a bomb, here! You could have died under that rubble!"

"But I-" Marlon interrupted Farmer again, raising his hand in a gesture.

"We have to think about every step we make in a fight, and what did you do?" Marlon was already speaking more calmly, but his tone remained the same steely. The Farmer had already feel ashamed and regretted their careless decision.

Yet, when Marlon calmed down and scolded the Farmer, taking their word that they would never act so recklessly again, the elder adventurer offered to return to their Guild, since it was getting dark. The Farmer breathed a sigh of relief, and on the exhale they said: "You're such a dad..."

Marlon stopped after that, turning to face the Farmer, who seemed to be surprised at their own words. And Marlon himself was surprised at how he snapped at the shout: he knows that the life of an adventurer is a constant risk, but Farmer had become a close person to him to let them risk their lives so recklessly. Just like... Just like his own child. And then they call him dad...

After Farmer's words, the one-eyed adventurer hummed playfully:

"In that cases, I, as a 'dad', officially declare to you: once again you use a mega bomb at the first levels, or do another stupid act, and I will flog you with a belt so that you won't be able to sit for a week, let alone swing a sword", Marlon is unlikely to ever carry out his threat, but he must make it clear to the Farmer that he is not joking.

"Ok, ok! I won't do it again! Sheesh...", Not wanting to argue with their mentor any further, the Farmer quickly followed Marlon to the exit of the mines. Before they left the cave, Marlon put a hand on their shoulder.

"Stay vigilant, adventurer. I've lost many people dear to me to let this happen again..."

Linus:

Linus hadn't noticed that the Farmer had managed to doze off by the camping fire. After all, a hearty supper of fried mushrooms had put the Farmers to sleep and made them fall into the realm of dreams. Early fall had already rewarded the Stardew Valley with cool nights, and so Linus decided to wake the Farmer so they could head to their warm home. The task was not an easy one: besides the delicious food, the Farmer had been very tired lately, and so he slept like a dead man.

"Get up, my friend, it's time for you to go home," alas, all of Linus' efforts were unsuccessful, and then stopped altogether when Farmer sleepily said: "Dad, please, five more minutes..."

"...Dad?"

Linus heard many words for himself: homeless, crazy, wild man, freak, stinker, weirdo. But Dad...?

While Linus was processing the information, Farmer had already managed to fall back into a deep sleep. The wild man decided to let Farmer finish his sleep in peace here near his tent. He took out a warm blanket from the tent, which he had made himself from fur, and covered Farmer, who was shivering a little from the cold night.

"Sweet dreams, my child", Linus had never thought that Fate would let him consider someone his child and pass on his wisdom, even if they were not related by blood. He made a promise to himself to always keep an eye on this kid and to help them in any way he could, whether by advice or deed.

Gil:

The knocking of stone against stone. Bang. And another ban

Another failure.

"Ah, damn it..." The Farmer cursed, throwing two geodes at their feet.

"Try it again, kid, you'll learn in time. See, you do it like this..." Gil again demonstrates how to open the geodes by himself, without Clint's hammer. With movements that had been honed over the years, he again held two halves of a split geode in his hands, from which amethyst and rock crystal druzes glistened.

"You didn't get into farming the first time either, yeah? You told me yourself, kiddo". Gil was absolutely right - to achieve a prosperous farm, the young Farmer had to work really hard, and success did not come immediately. So Farmer, sighing tiredly, took the geodes in their hands again in an attempt to open the mineral. Knock, knock, knock.

Crash.... Pop.

It worked!

"Told ya, kid", Gil smiled at the excited Farmer, who, twisting the two halves of the open geode, couldn't believe their own eyes.

"Yo, I finally did it! Thanks, Papa!"

It took the Farmer about ten seconds to realize what they had just said. Their cheeks flushed. Oh...

Gil, on the other hand, was quite ok to such a word in his address. In fact, he did not even miss the opportunity to tease the young adventurer a little.

"Papa, huh?" Though deep down Gil was touched by the fact that he had become this kind of father figure to Farmer, he wouldn't miss the opportunity to have a little fun. Especially since he knows that Farmer, though embarrassed by their confession, will also catch Gil's mood.

And the old adventurer is not mistaken.

"Well, should I call you mom then?" The Farmer was not in debt, deciding to play along with Gil as well.

"And that's how you talk to your papa, kid?" Gil rewarded the Farmer with a playful slap on their shoulder, "Come on, get outside. There's a whole bag of geodes lying by the supply boxes. Bring it over here and we'll practice some more," Farmer nodded and ran merrily toward the Guild exit, almost hitting Marlon, who was just entering the building.

The one-eyed adventurer, seeing his cheerful friend (it was rare to find Gil in such a good mood):

"Did something happen while I was gone?" Marlon hummed favorably and waited for Gil to stop snickering and calm down.

"You can congratulate me, brother," Gil said, "I just became a dad."

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

glance, stillness & favorite for Griffith?

For Griffith?! For the pretty boy?! Thank you for the opportunity to talk about the prettiest boy in all of House Tyrell 🙏🏻

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC's appearance? What's their distinguishing feature?

I think it's just how delicate his features are, like, that is his mom's face. And on Ella, those features are sharp & pretty distinctive, you slap that on a boy though & suddenly he is a delicate little bird who is so, so pretty. I think if you had to pick a standout feature, maybe his lips? They're fuller than Ella’s so the shape is more pronounced (& is adding to the prettiness of the Pretty Boy™)

If you want to get into "comparatively, this is standout," then is his height in comparison to the other men at Thorn Hall because he managed to be 5'11" (RIP House Tyrell of Thorn Hall, y'all are maxing out at 5'9"), & his eyes in comparison to most people he hangs out with. He's got double Grandpa Alaric Stark's eyes while his dad & sisters have brown eyes & his mom's side of the family all have purple eyes.

stillness: How does your OC act while still? Are they fidgety? Do they have any common gestures or tics? Does their clothing affect how they hold themselves while at rest?

Griffith is pretty stationary. He has good posture & is maybe even a little stiff, especially in comparison to his dad who stands around posed like a marble statue right after the Ancient Greeks figured out contrapposto. A lot of what he wears is very buttoned up, & so he holds himself pretty straight-up-and-down. Least jaunty lad in the game. He's also definitely one of those "I rest my hands on my sword because I'm not sure what else to do with my hands" types.

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

Garth Greenhand themed cloak clasp that is based off of this necklace

So there's one hand on one side, & the other hand on the other, & then the little green gem hangs in the middle/between the open cloak bits.

And he wears this all the time. He has one (1) Blorbo & being a Garth Greenhand Fanboy is half his personality. The other half is being a slut.

[pliablehead]

I guess if I want to write a travelogue/write up post about my 4-stop journey following the first chunk of Everything Everything's 2023 US tour then I have to just... do it!! If this is of interest to anyone other than me then GREAT and if not then it's still special to me to try to write down and remember everything I can uwu

FIRST STOP WASHINGTO-- wait, no, actually, first stop, on my way out of town, the local donut shop in my neighborhood, a place that I absolutely adore and patronize all the time with staff who mostly know me by now/some of whom are my instagram friends/etc. i'd checked with the Pittsburgh venue ahead of time to see if it was okay to send in outside food as a gift to the band even though they have a cafe/bar in their own right, and whoever I corresponded with said it would be totally fine, so I talked to the donut shop manager and set up a delivery of a dozen for the lads for Saturday before their show here. advance paid for that, as well as getting my own breakfast and coffee hehe, and then hit the road. OKAY FOR REAL FIRST STOP WASHINGTON DC!!! This was the second-longest leg of my Car Driving and it was definitely a wee bit exhausting but I had a podcast or two and a ton of E E on shuffle to bolster me through and I made it to my mom's friends' house, where I was staying, with relative ease. The venue was within a not-too-unreasonable walking distance too so after a change of clothes (I had very distinct and deliberate Show Outfits for each night that were fully separate from my travelin' clothes) and a bunch of fussing with the bracelets™ I headed over!! stopped for empanadas and a smoothie on the way and then queued up!!

aaaaahh this was such a nice fun queue. I was maybe about a dozen-ish people back from the front, down about half a block, and once I finished scarfing down my food this was my first real experience with doling out the bracelets. so fun! I'm glad it was basically an instant hit! AND I even got a few trades in this queue--one person gave me a Man Alive / Tin / E E bracelet with teeny tiny beads, super fun, and one person with a SHITTON of kandi stuff gave me one that had the name of a flower genus on it?? i think they said it was?? I love the colors on this one! And one person traded me a Blow Pop. lmao. I should eat that before it sits in my fanny pack for too long. I also really enjoyed chatting with the two guys right in front of me (Nick and Alex?), who were from south-central PA and had a couple other fandom touchstones in common with me (mcelroys/dnd/BDG! I love this Venn diagram!!) as well as a big love for E E. We didn't really see much of each other beyond the point of getting inside but I liked y'all a lot!! Hope you had as great a time as I did!!

Black Cat is where I saw E E the first time I EVER SAW THEM, which was almost exactly six years ago from this gig, which is insaaaane. The space is kind of narrow so there's not a huge amount of stage barrier space right at the front, so Becky and I ended up pretty much at the front but almost aa-all the way stage left/Jeremy-side. coulda been worse hehehe. We kind of loitered and chatted with nearby folks, I think maybe becky checked out merch ahead of the show ? but I kind of just held down the fort, enjoying setup stuff, pete running around etc hehe. getting BLASTED by the AC, which was nice.

the ummmm the opener! our first experience with Pierre! I gotta say his general style is not for me, despite the fact that I do think he's very talented and good at the thing he's doing. this first night especially he was SO sweaty and I felt bad for him lmao, you could like see it dripping off him. i am so curious as to why/how he got paired with the boys for this tour, like, what aligned in such a way that this match was made, because my general vibe on the crowd/his audience/etc was that we the fans of the nerdy white english mathy rocker guys were not exactly his demo LOL. BUT i will say in DC I do think he had one little pocket of strong-contingency fans because I kept hearing big whoops and cheers coming from one specific audience spot and I loved that for him lmao. for some reason i cannot explain I actually almost found his backing/support musician guy (the guy who was basically his version of peter) more compelling. I wanna know THAT dude's story lol.

so when he finished up we had a little interlude aaaannndd the setlist appeared... hehe. I could def have peered up to look at it from where I was, but I was telling myself I wanted to be surprised, and was deliberately looking away........ until suddenly everyone around me was gasping and going HOLY SHIT and I was like, ugghhh okay, I will check JUST enough to figure out what that's all about, and what that was all about was immediately apparent because smack in the middle of the set were a Man Alive track (which we never get in the states bar MY KZ) and something that just said "New Song." AND LIKE, OKAY, THAT'S A JUSTIFIED HOLY SHIT. new song????? so now we had THAT to contend with coming up, and aaaaaaah. ahh. yeah holy shit indeed.

it's also while we're standing there that AG pops into view, (or maybe I first spotted him during Pierre's set? Chronology is irrelevant), back off behind Becky from me in the other direction, and we waved over at him to say hi and he says to us, "All four of them are bleached blond." And my gut instinct was to be like, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, but also the truth in my heart was that there was absolutely no justification for not believing them, because of course they would, and sure enough these bozos roll out onto the stage and they are all four draco malfoy-ass bleach blond. God it looks a mess on Jeremy LOL and while the color/dye job wasn't bad on Alex, it was clear his finer hair wasn't holding up as well against the chemicals because it was just a fluffy riot mess. BUT GOD IT WAS REALLY SO INCREDIBLY STRIKING OF A VISUAL for them to be all be wearing all pure white/beige clothes and then to have this bleach-white hair and all of it catching and glowing under the stage lights... god... clearly the effect they were going for and it WORKED, IT REALLY DID. I think it looks so damn goofy (mostly on jez) out of context but it's ABSOLUTELY nailing the Everything Everything Gig Costumes energy/uniform thing that I felt like they'd drifted away from a little the past couple tour cycles, I'm so incredibly here for it

The set!!!! The gig!!!!!!! it wasn't a wildly different set from what we'd seen in CA last year, obviously RDF-heavy supplemented with a heaping helping of singles from the other albums too, but I remember thinking Leviathan and Pizza Boy were especially excellent aaaah. And Schoolin'! And the NEW SONG! The two pieces of it I IMMEDIATELY absorbed and retained were 'the image of a little yellow face to tell you that I'm sorry' and 'I love you like an atom bomb,' and I was spouting those two pieces back to anyone who wanted to talk to me about it for the rest of the night. I'm so lyrics-pilled/vocalist-biased. Which was.... Unfortunate, for this DC gig, because I do think the audio mix was pretty rough - at least from where we were standing so close to the front, I wonder if it was at least a tiny bit better further back into the crowd in the area the sound system was probably primarily calibrated for - and we were REALLY losing Jon in the mix, especially underneath how enthusiastically the crowd was singing along a lot of the time. We were on Jeremy's side of the stage and we were really just getting a LOT of Jeremy. (Which, the bass did sound absolutely fantastic, so hard to complain about that, at least, but still.) I was very thankful to be going to a few more gigs beyond this one so that this wasn't my only experience with it, especially New Song!!! Plus there were a bunch of other little tech difficulties too? Near the beginning of the new song, Jon's guitar strap came detached and wouldn't reconnect, and after struggling a bit with that he decided to just drift back and pass it off the stage to their tech guy--but he was still kind of singing/holding the mic, so as he moved on stage, the mic cable yanked the microphone stand straight over, too. Then the rest of the night that stand was pretty precarious and nearly fell two other times, only caught at the last minute by a true homie who was standing directly in front of it in the audience lmao. I think Becky yelled HIRE HIM! at one point. Annnnd also for like a whole verse of NOTLK jez's bass boards just kind of Gave Up. He tried switching to his other instrument but that wasn't working either, and then finally it all sort of came back online, so he played a little stretch with the wrong bass and then was able to switch back to the right bass when there was a lull in his part. SHAMBLES. lmfao. god it was a great gig though. SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK I LOVE BAND UWAAAAAHH I WAS SO SWEATY AND HAPPY

afterrrr da gig, we needed very badly to drink water and so we managed to do that I believe, and we kind of loitered in the Merch Line Situation trying to figure out what was going on. I had kind of resolved not to buy merch until at least NY, part because I really didn't want to be lugging anything around with me for too much of my trip (esp on this night where I walked) and part because I'd read a post that Irving Plaza was among the venues who'd committed to not taking a cut of band merch sales and letting them keep it all, and I was like, well obvi that's where I want to spend my money. Plus it was cash only in DC and since I'd kind of told myself NY I didn't even have cash out, so it was nothing. BUT!!! homie Adrian whomst I had met at the DC Foals show last December had been there, a few people ahead of me in the queue and also rocking out yaayyy, and he was trying to get merch but the ATM inside the venue literally did not have any more cash left inside it to dispense because everyone was taking out so much of it to buy merch AAAH. so he reached out to me like 'you're going to more shows than just this one right?' and asked if I'd pick him up the stuff he wanted later and then mail it to him so he didn't have to contend with international shipping and I was like aaaah absolutely! yay gig comradeship!

so I think becky finally committed to getting in the merch line and I was mostly just waiting With Becky and there weren't a ton of people left because the venue was trying to clear out, but the handful of us who were still there, a wild Alex Robertshaw appeared up near the stage/bar. we vibed out whether he was receptive to Fan Bothering at this time but it seemed legit, so a bunch of us went over and socialized with him and took some pics, got some signatures, etc, woooo. We tried to vibe out from him also if the other guys were gonna be coming out, and when and where, but y'all know Alex is the awkwardest member of this band by a country mile and we didn't really have too coherent of a discourse at this point in time lmao. Not sure who talked to him about what at this point as I was just trying to hold down the fort and be Normal. I was able to give Alex the bracelet I'd made for him at this point (he was so cute studying on it and reading it ahaha - "rave-- kevin-- kevins rave KEVIN'S RAVE" and he smiled and I felt cool), and also meanwhile Pete was still running around stage doing roadietech type stuff and I sort of politely flagged him down like "do what you need to do if you need to do it but also: Hi lol" and I got to give him his bracelet as well! yay ♥. He complimented my shirt--I'd been getting a lot of compliments on it honestly, it's their Yellow Bird Project shirt that Jon designed some time ago, only I replaced the plain white sleeves of the original unisex tee with some sort of vermilion "girly fit" sleeves that are more comfy to me and kind of give the shirt a different look haha--and I sort of joked on that, said as much, oh, I swapped the sleeves out, "It's to cover up how sweaty I get." and Pete gave me a deadpan look and went "You don't even want to go there with me" and I was like "YEP I FEEL MUCH THE SAME" and I think we both enjoyed a moment of feeling very Seen about the sweatiness hehehehehe. I love Pete he is my heckin Friend With no additional merch purchases (merchases) (hm, no) the venue was finally for realsies ejecting us so we drifted back out into the streets and just like... okay... now what........ this was the point at which I think our Band Groupie-ing Crew became me, Becky, Danielle in the fox ears/tail, and a lanky youth named S.P. whom I'd talked to in line earlier while doling out bracelets (he had the good E E baseball cap; he asked for an Arc bracelet and I commended him for being an Arc fan, since I feel like they are a dwindling/rarer breed, and then I offered up my hot take that Violent Sun is just the second coming and second pass at Duet, which he thought was spicy, and then he asked for my most controversial E E take and I told him that I don't really like Tin very much and he told me he doesn't really like Shark Week very much and we agreed to disagree and have a good night LOL) (anyway I digress !). It was a warm enough night and none of us really had places to be so we didn't mind just loitering and trying to suss out some more Guys other than just Alex and Pete, but slowly but surely we became basically the only fans left sticking it out. so we stuck together! We split up to try to find if there was a rear stage door at the back and SP and I went one way (the long way RIP) and Becky and Danielle went the other way and it turns out the way that SP and I went was an alleyway just FULL of rats. Too many rats in DC!! People like to talk about rats in NYC but I saw WAY more in Washington just vibing out on the sidewalks and eating trash. I'm not anti-rat, they live there and deserve to live, but oh man it was just. I did not especially want a rat encounter LOL. The rat alley DID actually lead us to where the bus was though!!, but there was also a venue security guy there who was immediately like "Nope, back up, leave, bye" and we were like. understood have a nice day, and doubled around a different way to meet back up with the other two. wwwwelp.

We loitered a bunch more and eventually saw Alex and his homies like, AT LEAST two more times, but we ultimately never saw anyone else. They p much confirmed for us that because this was the first night of the tour, they had a really intense load-out, and everyone was jetlagged to all fuck, that they probably wouldn't ever make it out, even though at least once Alex had said something ambiguous/optimistic enough to imply that they might yet, but really it just got SO late that we couldn't justify still being there for nothing instead of being like. asleep. lol. SP and Danielle got rideshares, Becky and I walked back as far as her hotel together, and then I hiked the rest of my way back too and went the fuck to SLEEP!!! FIRST GIG IN THE BOOKS!! WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT GOD IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO BE SEEING THEM AGAIN ngl I think the blond is really attractive on Mike with his darker brows/beard and I'm always a sl*t for jonathan so like. beautiful. finally some delicious fucking food

it was super nice of my mom's friend to let me stay with him!!! I was so delighted to see his cats again, I remembered them from the last time I was there like six or so years ago, they're sooooo floofy and beautiful aahh. he also provided me with a white noise fan without me even asking which was SO choice. zzzzz. My plan was to get up in the morning, get coffee someplace nearby at wherever he recommended, and then hit the road forrrr... Philadelphia!!! Night two!!!! I got some breakfast tacos at a hella legit place, messed up my coffee/milk/sugar ratio ever so slightly but not in an undrinkable way, and then frickin. autobot rolled out. This drive was not bad at ALL, I timed it pretty much exactly like I planned it to, which was to: get to my friend's place where I was crashing in philly with, ideally, enough time to take a small nap before I had to do anything else, because, god, despite being pretty exhausted and sleeping okay on the nice guest bed in DC, I had BARELY slept the night before I left just from Travel Antsiness and from both staying up way later and waking up way earlier than I meant to unintentionally, and a second little recharge zzz before I went and did it all over again really hit the spot.

It was soooo nice to see Mads again and to see Mr. Angus and also meet BENNY!! More host cats!! They are suuuch silly good little lads, Mads and I had a ton of Kitty Chat and just vibing out and talking about concerts and fandom and stuff, I was so thankful she let me stay with her and getting to hang out was icing on the cake of this trip! She pointed me toward the trolley I'd need to take to get to the venue, and after my baby snzzz and drinking a ton of water and suiting up in my Arc-inspired look (literally just a sweatshirt dress I bought specifically because it was color-blocked very very much like the jackets/outfits they toured Arc in, I saw it and bought it immediately lmfao) I journeyed into the city, hoping to just find a place to eat in the vicinity of the gig! I was way closer up in the queue this time, the people in front of me were really just like.... the usual suspects, Annika+squad and David+squad (incl. Becky, who'd apparently already been there when I got there but wasn't there when I arrived), and also a super-nice woman immediately in front of me named Robin who I MEGA hit it off with!!! Hanging out with her was such an awesome part of my experience at this gig!!! she's COMPLETELY Offline which is so powerful for her but I hope there's some capacity in which we can continue to be friends because she ruled.

There was a Dominican(? I think) place like one block down from the venue where a couple in front of me had gotten some stuff and so I ran down there to snag food too and holy shit this man gave me so much goddamn food. Just a HUGE pile of rice and beans and some pork ribs, and I got a pineapple fanta, and I just popped a squat on the sidewalk and ate as much of it as I could which was probably not even half of what he gave me but it wasn't even that expensive so god bless. Once I wasn't dealing with my food sitch any more I was freed up to pass out a bunch of bracelets again, and I even got a couple more trades, one that was just a bunch of black beads and a bunch of Xs and one that says 'BUSSY' which I am elated about, thank you so fucking much lmao. Also someone offered to trade me an ibuprofen LOL and I was like no that's fine the bracelet can be free... for now, but I will keep that in mind if I change my mind later LOL aaahhh i was just so excited to give the bracelets out it was such a good vector for socializing and making Friends and Gig Buddies. I did learn p quickly at Philly that I should have made way more Man Alive, GTH, and Raw Data feel bracelets because those were basically the first to go every night and then I got stuck with just sad unloved Re-Animators and AFDs :( I was trying to like! do equal amounts of everything to give everything the love because I love them all! but people got favorites out there damn lmao. I was happy to be able to give Robin the MY KZ one because she said that's the first song she ever heard by them and it's special to her because of that (and then also it's been in the touring set and she got to hear them perform it too yay!!! I don't remember if she said she'd seen them before but it had just been a very very long time, or what, idk, aaaah).

We were R I G H T on the stage at this venue, slightly more to Alex's side this time, and the lip/rise of the stage was not very high at ALL and it felt almost like... intimidating, or like it shouldn't have been ALLOWED, for us to be that close to the stage. :flushed emoji: jeez lmao. I didn't fuck w merch here either but some people around me did I think and I held their spots, and a nice kid from right behind me in the queue brought me a Liquid Death which was so incredibly sweet. Pierre's set passed much as it had in DC, lmao; his other musician guy had a sweet fit on, though, this like two-piece set that was a really really dark/muted camo, a blazer over a black top and then matching like athleisure-fit pants and black boots, it was a fuckin look. They had a song at the very end of Pierre's Philly set that I don't think they'd done in DC (and that I didn't get in PGH either, it turned out), and ironically that was actually probably far and away the song of his I enjoyed the most, so I got kind of into it there at the end! but MAN was I ready to see the boys instead. hnnnn.

LADS SO CLOSE TO ME. JUST RIGHT THERE AND SINGING AND ROCKING. the set was aaaalmost exactly the same as DC, but in Philly they shifted Bad Friday up out of the encore and back into the set proper, and then replaced it in the encore with Violent Sun, which I admit I'd been bummed to not see in DC because I think the Violent Sun/No Reptiles encore double whammy is so incredibly crucial to the vibe. Warmed me to have it back in. Obviously Pittsburgh had so many other contributing factors that put it over the edge, but if it weren't for all of those, I think Philly would've been my favorite/best experience of these four gigs. Jon was spicy (he sang so many of the Original Rejected naughty lyrics, this is where we got 'he's a vegetable now' for the first and only time and also the only gig of the four where he leaned into the 'Arch Jeremy' gag in Arch Enemy, hehehehe, plus also motherfuckin' distant past which is not uncommon), and we got way more of the New Song-- through the whisper network of Becky, AG, David, etc., etc., we'd pieced together enough info to know by now that apparently the title of the song was in the lyrics of the chorus, and so I think it was in Philly that we all pretty much determined/decided that this was Cold Reactor. I love you like an atom bomb and I've become a cold reactor. I wasn't diving as DEEP into SONG DECIPHERING as some other folks were, but I did like kind of working on it at my own pace and absorbing it into my heart and my understanding of the band and what they're about to start doing, and so this was really great, for me, here, beautiful, beautiful. I took almost NO pics and vids at this one because my phone was kind of dying but also mostly just because I was honestly having such an enormously great time and I didn't feel the need to try to do anything other than be present in my body at the gig and experience it live. you KNOW?? LIKE!! MUSIC. man. EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to mention a small tech flub that was actually so charming, where near the very end of Arch Enemy jon seemed to be having trouble with his guitar board in the front, and he spent so long in the outro squinting down at it and trying to resolve the issue that he didn't fully come in on the It's time to show your face! bit at the proper time, and he ended up just saying "It's time to show your face." right into the mic very unaffected and straight-up in his regular speaking voice at the very, very end when the song was basically over. lol. he is cute. everyone is cute.

(I WILL ALSO SAY I got the giggles SO BAD at david and amanda's gudetama they slipped onto the stage, oh my god--I was going to take a joke video just dramatically zooming in on it, as one does, except right when I went to do that it got caught up in jon's mic cable and just TUMBLED AND JOSTLED ALL OVER THE PLACE and that fucking GOT me and I was DYING and it was right at like. the serious, heartstring-tugging, fuck-yeah parts of No Reptiles where I'm supposed to be at CHURCH and instead I'm losing my shit into hysterics over this poor gudetama just rolling everywhere alksdhjglaksd, I had to bury my face in Becky's shoulder for a measure or more and try to recover, oh my godddd. EGGS!) -- (OH ALSO I LMAO I HAVE SEVERAL AUDIENCE MEMBER ~BITS THAT I AM DOING just like, clapping here or there, participating actively in certain parts of things, and one that I kept doing for some asshole clown reason was singing along with/lampshading Alex's quick backing vox on the second verse of Spring Sun Winter Dread-- Philly was probably the place where I was the most prominent/obvious/easy to see doing it, and it made both him and Jeremy REALLY snicker, ahahaha I'm sorryyyyyyy for being obnoxioussssss)

The merch/loitering sitch was sli-iiightly more locked down, in here; there was only so long Marty and I could pretend to be thinking about merch/hanging out with people who were actually in line but not actually being in line before they really truly wanted us to leave, and they were pretty pissed that I even left the venue with an empty/ice-only water cup, never mind any dreams of re-entry. The militant energy of the security at this venue compared to how relatively chill and normal DC had been (for two venues I would say of comparable size/seriousness) was def my least favorite part of the Philly experience. I was outside, finishing my water and chitchatting with some artsy youths who were also unimpressed with security, and Becky's messaging me like "they're in here!" and I'm like "well I'm not and I can't come back so you gotta tell them to come out here!" lmao. But they did!!! All the guys came out before too long and I very delightfully got to talk to everyone. I gave Mike and Jeremy the bracelets I'd made for them - THEY both apologized to ME outright for not coming out to chat the night before?? like hello you’re the band we’re the fans you don’t owe us anything - they kind of came toward my side of the door first, and talked and chatted some, vs Jon sort of peeling the other way to the other half of the loiterers - I honestly have lost track of the sequence of events here and what happened when, but it was largely unimportant hehe. (Gosh, but then I keep randomly remembering other unrelated details. Like, for example, Black Cat gave me their big ol' signature black cat hand stamp, and I'd been thinking, oh this will be fun to watch my four hand stamps stack from these four gigs, the way I got two together from The Altogether/Matt Duncan double feature back in July, and then Underground Arts put theirs on the INSIDE OF MY WRIST and not the back of my hand, and both Irving and T-Bird just did wristbands. BUMMER.) But mostly just Seeing Band, Talking To Band. This was when I overheard Alex definitely confirm to someone that the new song is called Cold Reactor, and he sort of half-seriously half-not said they just didn't call it that on the setlist in case there was another "New Song" they might want to decide to start playing there instead at the last minute, even though the longer this goes on the more confident we are that they're not going to do that and that Cold Reactor is gonna be a new single that probably drops once this tour is over <___< eyes emoji. Also, between Wednesday and Thursday we also knew that the bleach-blond hair is for Lore Reasons, which we assume are to do with Cold Reactor and the album it will be on, because of course it is. stupid. jonathan higgs I want to crawl inside your deranged pisces mind and meld with it vulcan style.

anyway, as far as my short term memory can be relied upon/will tell me is the truth, I think Jon was actually the last person I ended up in contact with on this night; I was drifting over toward him but someone else was still engaged in an active conversation with him, so I was like, well obviously I will wait my turn and let other people have jonathan time even though I'm the biggest jonathan girlie, I can just hang and go in when he frees up, and so I was turned slightly away from him listening in on other convos and talking to Becky and maybe Annika or a couple other people, and then suddenly there's a delicate hand on the back of my shoulder and Jon's right in my fucking ear ominously going "hello." askdjhgka. He was soooo cute and nice, I gave him the bracelet I made him as well (which was "I wanna be there" from Violent Sun and shades of re-animator orange) and he was immediately like Oh, of course you, are the bracelet distributor, and I was like hehehe yes, and he asked if I also had to do with the gudetama and I was like absolutely not I have no idea what is going on there lmfao. and I think amanda and david did take credit for it at that time of course so yes hehe. Ended up in a fun casual chitchat with Jon and Becky for most of the rest of the time here, with her trying to squeeze him for info about the new song and album and lore hehehe and him being his typical cryptic trolly cagey Jon, and it was all in incredibly good fun; he noticed her bracelet too, and she pointed it out like Yes I got the one that says This Is The Prophecy from big climb because it hearkens back to that bit they were doing on twitter from way before that song even came out so I gave her that one on purpose duh lol, and Jon says "Oooh yep I forgot about that. .. Album..." and mimed swiping his hair back like whoopsie lmao and it was such a silly little half-self-neg on Re-Animator lol, and so I said "WELP too bad! because the one I made from you is one of those too haha!" and he took another look at it as if to remind himself about it and then went "Well yeah that one's good" with a wryer wickeder laugh and I was like lmao tell us how you really feel. But like he's right violent sun is perfect and I actually labored so long over what I was going to have jon's say because he was the only person I didn't have a really solid concrete idea of what to make for and ALSO he was the only one I REALLY wanted to get PERFECT because it's important to me and yeah. so it was. reassuring for him to like the violent sun one. idk anyway.

The woman we'd seen running around doing a lot for them, including merch, who recognized us from DC the night before and was fun and glib about it, and who turns out to be: Tour Manager Sam, finally had enough of our fucking about and started very efficiently organizing us all into "everyone who wants a pic with themself + all four guys come get in Now and I'm gonna play photographer and then we all gotta go the fuck home" and I respected it SO much lmao, so we had sort of a rotating queue of group picture taking and then the guys all went back inside the venue (I kind of fingerguns'd Jon like "New York :D?" and he looked at me just SO Put Out and just deadpanned "Of course you're going to be there." of course!! lmfao) and we started talking amongst ourselves just out of reluctance to let the night end/social energy we still wanted to wallow in and that was cute and nice. I said goodbye to some folks who weren't going any further on the tour. I had such a wonderful night. Then, lo and behold, we turn around and Jeremy's up on the stoop of the venue, and he's like, I think I've locked myself out. I am locked out and I also don't have my phone on me. lmfao jez. he goes "I am going to blame jonathan" and we allowed him that. I was like, do you want me to TWEET AT SOMEONE LOL and he was like good god no they'll come back for me eventually, and then yes they did, and THEN we all left hahahaha. becky insisted on sticking with me part of the way to the trolley but I was like, it is coming in 14 minutes and it says it's gonna take me 12 minutes to get there I gotta GO!, and I freaking missed it anyway!!! and then I had to wait like OVER HALF AN HOUR MORE for the next one and i didn't even get ON the trolley till like 12:50 and it was soooo late before I was back at mads's place aiyaa. But, all in all, TRULY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT I JUST LOVE BEING IN AN ACTIVE BUZZY FANDOM SPACE AND MEETING FANS AND PARASOCIALING AND DANCING AND SINGING AND DOING ARTS N CRAFTS. you KNOW?? you know. you're on tumblr you get it.

The Philly to Jersey (pre-NYC) leg of my road tripping was set to be Thee shortest drive I had to make the whole time, so I let myself have time in the morning to keep snoozing and fucking about, even though I once again woke up way earlier than I'd hoped to and didn't ever make it back to sleep after that. But the tradeoff was still super nice and relaxing vibing with Madeline--I offered to buy her breakfast in exchange for the couch-crashin' and we got hella bagel sandwiches and cold brew from a place real close by her apartment, and scarfed 'em down while watching the most recent ep of Make Some Noise and just shooting the shit (again, largely about either fandom or kitty cats. We are simple folk). My sandwich contained salmon, a fried egg, and the most incredible sloppy caramelized onions, what a banger. The last truly good food I truly enjoyed before my mega super Travel Tummy set in and wrecked my whole shop metabolically speaking, rip. I took a little rinsy-rinse shower at her place too, and then finally made myself get up and Go to do the runaround silly business of driving to and parking in NJ, taking the ferry in to Manhattan, and then taking the subway to Allegra's place for NIGHT THREE IN NEW YORK CITY WOOOOO. I LOVE going to E E with Allegra!!!!! Once again I used her place primarily as a spot to change out of my car clothes and into my gig clothes (it's RDF night; I wore an oversized pale beige button-up shirt, actually left over from my Foals Antidotes costume from last halloween hahaha, gussied up with E E pins and jewelry) and to fuck about with bracelets. I made Allegra a special In Birdsong bracelet, the only one I did from that song :) because allegra is my special E E friend!! and she needs one of her special song!!! Fandom... is good. Allegra also had a kickass outfit. We stopped in at a tex-mex place she really wanted to try that was nearby the venue, and i got pretty nervous that it was gonna be a little late before doors for us to be hitting a sit-down dinner spot, but we rushed it along pretty well on the food and got our slice of dessert cake to go in a box and everything was A-OK. And I had time to hit a bodega for merch cash from the ATM and a pineapple soda for fortitude! let's GOOO irving plaza.

God, Irving was kind of a shitshow when it came to queuing and security though. There were a fair few people in line ahead of us, maybe just as many or slightly more than what I'd had in DC (definitely further back than Philly, although in line near us were the same also-eating-Dominican-food couple from the Philly gig, and I recognized them and was glad to see them again-- I FULLY DO NOT REMEMBER/DID NOT CATCH Y'ALL'S NAMES, AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE WE HUNG OUT AND WORKED TOGETHER SO MUCH, i am so sorryyyyy), but then because it's not a sweet local friendly indie venue but is in fact Livenation As Hell, there's some person affiliated with the venue wandering up front offering some sort of VIP/fast pass line experience where you can just cough up some extra cash and get in your own special line and get to go in first regardless of how long other people have been queuing--you know the deal. Wack as hell. I think David and Amanda opted for this in some capacity, so I was happy for them about it, but a lot of the other people who ended up doing it had kind of rancid vibes of just like "concert-going" and not the very lovely communal sardine megafan energy everyone else had had thusfar. Also it put us where we were at in the queue standing in a place that just had a really terrible smell of sewage, which persisted almost the entire time we were there only to suddenly be replaced by a very powerful smell of bleach, as if whatever it was was suddenly being cleaned/sanitized. ICKY!! Annika was enough further ahead of us in line that I thought it might have only been over where we were but she said no she was definitely getting it too. new york city babey

Bracelet distribution got a little silly here, too, since the queue was wrapping SO far back and was being policed a little more stringently, but I had kind of figured I may need some kind of additional plan, especially since I'd decided not to wear my fanny pack (bum bag--fanny pack, says Jonathan Higgs in a derisive American accent, even as he's telling me he likes mine a lot, skdjshgalkj smh) since my shorts under my shirt had really capacious pockets and that just made for one less thing to worry about--I snagged a sheet of paper at Allegra's place, along with a gallon-size ziploc bag, and I put all the bracelets in there with a note that said to just take one if you wanted one and pass it back through the queue while we waited. It was kind of a crapshoot how effective I thought this was going to be, especially since I had to kind of wait to deploy it once there was a substantial queue BUT by the time there was a big queue it meant that I couldn't see exactly HOW big from where I was near-ish enough to the front, so I didn't know how far the bag was going to make it, if someone was going to end up stuck with my whole big bag at the back of the line (esp since I had a fair number of extra Philly bracelets left over that I lumped in with the NYC ones just because I still Had them).... whew...! BUT by the time Marty was there, he was further enough back from me that I asked him to kind of check up on it when it made it to him and keep passing it; and, by the time we were going inside, I could see zero sign of the bag itself but I DID catch a lot of people milling around me wearing bracelets, and one or two of them did stop me to thank me (since I'd indicated on my note in the bag that I was the person with green hair hahaha), and then I never saw 'em again, so I guess it was a relative success!! Yayyyyy!! WAY less conducive to making New Line Friends than the DC/Philly setup had been, but incredibly effective at making sure that all my bracelets found new homes rather than me having to take a huge handful home with me again and them just sitting in my house forever LOL. success! :)

tl;dr about the bracelets. not important compared to concert and band. WE GO INSIDE!! They have such dumb security/bag check. a gender-split process where the men get patted down by a dude guard and the women get patted down by a lady guard? In TYOOL 2023? you hate to see it. She felt the Sharpie in my back pocket and made me take it out and surrender it???? MY METALLIC BRONZE SHARPIE ? ? no sharpies in the venue I guess. Talked to at least one other person who got sharpie-confiscated too, but also at least two people who fully didn't and still had markers just fine. Absolute shenanigans. Allegra and I didn't quite get barrier due in part to fastpass line nonsense but we did end up right exactly behind Annika &co. with perfect sightlines, once again stage-left/Jeremy-ward-of-center. we don't hate it! my Philly pals to my left with David, Becky et al in front of them. Me fully surrounded by redheads. LOL.

this was the laaaatest show of my whole run, a whole lot of standing around just waiting for Band, and also definitely the energy of "trying to politely vibe to pierre kwenders's set because he can clearly see me and look straight at me even though I would much rather just skip to the bit I actually came for and don't necessarily need to see his set" just slowly increasing every night RIP lol. BUT WE MADE IT! ohhhh new york. EXACT same set as Philly but I couldn't even be mad about it because I was still so grateful to get a Man Alive song that wasn't just MY KZ (not that I don't love my kz obviously, but it HAS been in the set literally all eight times that I have seen E E live as of this Irving Plaza gig, and something else from that album is fun fresh delicious) (OH, SWEET THREEP OF FRIDAY EVENING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) and to be getting COLD REACTOR again, especially becaussseee by this point I knew just enough of the lyrics that I felt confident singing/mouthing along conspicuously with the parts that I Did know, aka I See You Sir I'm Doing The Thing Just Watch Me, god I wish I knew how to be not so fucking extra but then again no I don't. we did get saddled with some Rather Annoying audience members in our near vicinity--a couple I'd spotted in the fastpass line earlier wedged themselves hard between me and my tall redhead/mask-wearing homie from Philly, all like "ummm we're short :)" because they. were, but that didn't give them a right to be pushy and rude, and their vibes were kind of shit because the sense I got was they were mostly there because the girl really loved the band and the dude didn't know much about them at all, and also they were already drunk so early on in the set, and they were talking loudly with some other fans they'd just met and getting Lore™ explained to them and it was just a lot of. loud talking and shoving. in my vicinity. when I would have preferred for there to. not be. BUT Also materializing behind me was someone who said "I saw your bracelets on twitter do you still have any!!" and I had to be like UHHHH FUCK, NO, I turned them loose into the queue, did they not make it as far as you..?? and she sadly said no, and I was like, well the only one I have left is this one I just left on for tradesies/advertising purposes, and it says "akon in the butterfly house" so that's kind of a deep cut, if you're familiar-- and she went WAIT REALLY and seemed SUPER jazzed to get a Dave Sardine-ass bracelet and I was like OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, GOOD, ACTUALLY, because I'd made four of these and I knew they were going to be the deepest cut/hardest sell and I was really really hoping that whoever ended up with them would actually get and appreciate them. so thank you, andrea, for being that person, and for appearing exactly when the bracelet needed it most. so glad to have hung with you this night. sorry that you too found yourself among the ranks of the sharpie-confiscatees.

ANYWAY, OTHER THAN THAT, THIS AUDIENCE WAS FIRE AND THIS GIG SLAPPED. We were finally in a space and an environment that REALLY lent itself to the crowd actually full on bouncing/dancing instead of just kind of wobbling and vibing and everyone in my immediate zone was really going hard. I LOVE this fucking BAND. I love every song by this band. I love when Jon just points the mic at the crowd and the entire crowd sings the whole song word for word and note for note. I love that Jon was still desperately trying to cram the name of the host city into the start of My Kz, despite the fact that "Washington" subs for "Lucifer" perfectly (he has done this both times I've seen them in DC lol) but "Philadelphia" is WAY too stupid long and "New York City," while a syllable shorter, scans metrically in an extremely busted way and you could have just said EN WHY CEE or. y'know. lucifer. but okay man you do you. Jon was just as rowdy as the rest of us lmfao. he was like, climbing up and down off Mike's riser, he was finding people who were taking photos/videos and staring directly into their cameras (me fucking included--I'm sorry, Jon, you can't make eye contact with me while singing the "When I saw you, I fell in love" part of Leviathan, I am pretty sure that is illegal and a crime against my humanity), and basically all the tracks from Get To Heaven (plus like, Cough Cough and NOTLK) blew the fucking roof off the place. I think he donked some My Kz lyrics hehehe he just skipped to the alt lyrics of the chorus too early without completing the standard chorus first at the end, and a little flubbo in NOTLK and a tiny stutter in No Reptiles too, everyone was just TOO ROWDY and he's THROWN LOOPY and man did we not care. I said multiple times to people on this tour that pretty much the closest things I've ever experienced to true Religion are a) being in an E E audience for No Reptiles and b) being in a Hedwig audience for Midnight Radio. they're the same spiritually in my heart and also like do people who love Jesus feel this way and is this why. insane. the cult leader imagery was Not Wrong!!!!!

I wanna MERCH! I got in the line not too long after the show wrapped, but true to reports I'd heard about the pre-show merch line, it was moving verrryy slowly, with just one guy manning it who was not exactly quick and a card reader that seemed pretty chuggy too (but hey, at least NY was taking card). I'd known I wanted the poster--it's got my favorite neon orange on it, it really really slaps, and I wanted something to get signed--but I let myself talk myself into a t-shirt too, mostly because I was REALLY excited to buy E E merch apparel that wasn't black or white. Yellow!! a really freaking good yellow!! I wish the yellow ones had actually had the tour dates on them like the black and white ones did but the yellow branding has been pretty exclusive to this leg of tour (i.e. vs the red branding of the west coast one last year) and it looks soooo good with my hair that I don't especially mind. I also knew that Adrian wanted a copy of Caps Lock On, but that he also wanted a shirt, but I hadn't heard back from him about which shirt or what size so I just got the book and my stuff and then bounced. Communique from outside was that Alex had surfaced but no one else, but that Alex had promised appearances by the rest of them, but that also Alex was already gone and unlikely to return by the time I made it outside. I posted up with all my friends from inside, god this was SUCH a good sardine squad this night, and it took some waiting but eventually the promises came true! All the other boys surfaced and we had some REALLY great fan chats and mingling this tiimmmmee. oh my gosh. A guy came with a Modern Bison CD that Jon and Jeremy were really truly overjoyed to see and to sign and take pictures with; I talked to Jeremy about the bracelets some more because he'd been wearing the one I gave him the WHOLE GIG IN NEW YORK SO LIKE THAT'S GONNA BE IN ANY PHOTOS THAT WERE TAKEN PROFESSIONALLY SPEAKING, oh my gosshhh, he was so nice about it and enjoyed that his Arch Jeremy matched my Arch Emily, the vibes were impeccable; and then I got everyone to sign my poster, but of course Alex was gone already, so Jon offers to forge Alex's signature and goes "look it's like this" and draws some loopy scribble on there and I'm like, lmao, sure.

thing was... I had absolutely heard Jeremy signing something for someone else the night before talking about how he was getting really good at forging Alex's signature for him, since I guess it's normal for him to be the one that disappears the sneakiest (god he really is just the Justin Craig of this band, it's 1:1, huh), and so when I told Jeremy this, he was like "I'll do it" and I was like "no Jon did already do it" and he was going to just leave it then, like, oh, well, okay, but then he saw the mess Jon had made and he was like "--that's quite dreadful actually-- the trick is to not overthink it--" and so now my poster has two forged Alex Robertshaw signatures and zero authentic ones. l m f a o. (To be fair, I do have other things they've all four signed, and Jeremy's fake Alex is at least passable, and Jon's fake Alex is Absolute Dogshit Nothing. I am obsessed.) I even got Peter to sign! He was talking with another fan about a gift she'd given them in the past that had sadly been part of what they lost in their studio fire, it was really heartbreaking to hear. He also thanked me again for his bracelet and told me he planned to give it to his daughter and that she would love it. We took a pic together! Pete the GOAT.

While I was making the rounds with the other boys and other fans, Allegra mostly in tow, swapping sharpies among those of us who still had them, Becky was back with Jon, taking a couple videos for people who weren't there in NY to talk about stuff that they were curious about--I think in the context of Maria, Becky said something like, she thinks the hair is crazy, and Jon said into the camera something like, "If you think it's crazy Now, give it like two or three more weeks, and you're really gonna think it's crazy." SIR WHAT. If the blond is a precursor to something else happening I'm gonna be so the opposite of normal about it, and if the bleach is a stepping stone toward the boys dyeing their hair Other colors I am going to be PROFOUNDLY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT, AND IF ANY MEMBER OF THE MANCUNIAN ROCK BAND EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HAS THEIR HAIR DYED GREEN ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE. tyler the creator unfollow me right now etc. etc. etc. The more I've thought about it I don't THINK this is what's up--my sense is that any Cold Reactor music video is probably already filmed and ready to drop alongside the single pretty quick after the tour ends, rather than being something they're going to film/put together entirely post-tour, so they probably needed the bleachblond for some energy similar to how I felt about them when they first walked on stage in DC, but Oh man...... OH MAN............ I digress. anyway.

following up from that, Allegra (I think? Or maybe still Becky and allegra was just Present) addressed the notion of the hair being related to the Lore, and like, did that mean lore for the single/the upcoming album ? ? which was what we were assuming, and Jon said some demented and ominous and extremely exciting phrase like, "The lore for this one is.... b o t t o m l e s s" in his always-startling real deep Jon voice, and that was the fucking sound bite of the evening, folks. FOLKS. ALLEGRA AND I WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO HER APARTMENT JUST CONTINUALLY SAYING "THE LORE IS BOTTOMLESS!" my body is so god damn ready.

We bid farewells to all our friends for whom NYC was their final stop on this tour!! SAD!!!!!! Going to miss all the homies T___T it's not fair that we're not just all going to every single stop on this tour I don't think? it should actually be illegal for us not to be present when the band is performing?? the hugest RIP. Hugs exchanged all around. Me trying to say bye to Jon but he's engaged with someone else so I think I just awkwardly said "See you tomorrow" twice and then we left. becky maaaybe trying to last minute scramble to also come to pgh now despite not really having accounted for it in her plans originally ? ? I was not certain what she intended here but I supported her. yes. me, annika and AG for sure being there at least. we ride. Back to allegra's where I did, unfortunately, sleep ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY/BASICALLY NOT AT ALL due to being so hot and stuffy in my little nest on the floor that it was making me nauseated, I think I got maybe 2.5 hours tops, but I didn't really have a choice because if I wanted to be back home in time to do ANYTHING other than just rock straight over to the queue for Thunderbird then I knew I was going to have to leave so GOD DAMN early in the morning to haul ass back to where my car was and then drive the seven hours to pgh. But I did exactly that!!!! bitch!!!!! Other than some issues like, managing to make a timely pit stop for gas/potty/coffee, I endured the miserable long roadtrip despite myself, raging my way through the poconos, downing the largest cold brew Wawa would sell me, having a truly tragic car vs quesadilla incident, etc. My BFF Francis even got on the phone with me for the last hour or so and we chatted and I got to give them the whole update on the tour thus far, so fun! They MIGHT try to go to the Chicago stop next week!!! if they feel like they can swing it, and I was like ok no pressure but also it's been an extraordinary experience for me thusfar and I highly recommend. So if you see Francis at E E Chicago please holler at them kindly from me!!! :) But at the very least they said they did want a T-shirt and venmo'd me money to buy them one, since I was already still gonna have to get one for Adrian. woooooo

I got home with, yeah, basically exactly enough time to shower, get my outfit together, and regroup before heading to the venue !!! I JUST BARELY missed the bus that would've gotten me there the most promptly, largely due to not being able to find another fucking Sharpie since irving plaza took my first one lmfao, and it ended up being quicker to walk there than to wait the 36 minutes it would've been for another bus or whatever. I still had MEGA travel tummy so I just snagged an apple and scarfed it down on the walk over. Annika was already there queuing! so we hung out in line together and waited and drank the waters we had definitely brought in from outside the bar and just vibed lol. and she was like, I heard them checking two new songs that haven't been in the setlist yet, and I was like ha ha lol like what, and she said, kevin's car and leave the engine room.

and listen, I was optimistic. that my social media obnoxiousness and well-known, easily observable public desires might yet sway them, because come on it's my hometown and it's the last show i'm gonna see on this tour and I sent them donuts, and those were MEANT as a KINDNESS and an ENTHUSIASM FOR DONUTS and not as a bribe, but if anyone wanted to interpret them as a bribe anyway whomst was I to say no, but like. just because I want the band i like to do a thing absolutely does not mean that they have to fucking do it. I want to be crystal clear that i have never at any point EXPECTED them to do this. i just. hoped. yearned in my heart of hearts. and also had very sound rationale for how possible/likely it was. Here's How Engie Room Can Still Win. yfm. but the soundcheck all but confirmed it in my soul for me. and I was like... glad, that she'd been there and caught it and could tell me about it, because it gave me time to like, come to terms with the reality of it, emotionally. AAH. AAAAAHHH, OKAY. BITCH, PLIABLE HEAD, IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

we lingered and watched the queue form behind us-- I spotted a kid I'd seen at the Philly show, god bless. Everywhere we turn, repeat customers. I was telling my work friend today, I feel like the US fanbase for E E is significantly smaller than the UK audience, but we make up for it in that we go fucking hard. Every US fan is a superfan. there are no half-assed american sardines. and that has been so BEAUTIFUL and means the WORLD to me to be sharing it with the other ones of you. Bracelet sharing rocked at this gig!! I had exactly as many as I'd set aside for Pittsburgh and no more, since all my spares had evaporated up at Irving, A new person ALSO HAD BRACELETS!!! LIKE, for realsies Made For Trading At This Show Specifically bracelets, it was suuuuch a delight, so in addition to my eclectic collection from the previous gigs I now also have one that says RAW DATA FEEL with some truly choice glow in the dark bric-a-brac on there as well, and my heart was so warm aaaaaah. fwiendship :) Also spotted in the pre-doors queue were the Pizza Boy costumed guy and a woman I met at Foals in 2019?? who I guess automatically recognizes me because of the green hair, but just. omg. the community!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!

There was a slight will-call kerfuffle that nevertheless did not stop me from being dead center dead at the front right in front of where jonathan's mic was destined to be, and I was like. god. here we go. the home stretch. This was ABSOLUTELY the WORST place to be to be pretending to be interested in pierre's set, because he kept looking straight at me and dog I gotta admit four shows in I was feeling pretty tired. like, the energy of E E Itself was going to fully reinvigorate me, but nearly everything else on the planet was like totally disinteresting and I wasn't really up for it, especially when it's my semi-sex-repulsed ace-spectrum ass being just really put off by the suggestive gyrations of a performer that is not to my tastes. UM SORRY BYE HAHA. they didn't even play the one song I kind of liked. I managed to miss like two and a half songs of his set being still locked in the merch line at least lmao. literally WHILE I WAS STANDING IN THE MERCH LINE they sold out of the yellow shirt and I couldn't get me and francis matchies so I had to get them the black instead :( but thankfully they still had the one Adrian wanted because idk what I would have done if I had to scramble for a plan B with him on short notice haha. and I had EXACTLY enough cash for the two shirts left from the day before and I was paying Tour Manager Sam with it like oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is like my sweaty pocket cash from last night this is kinda gross and she was just like, No actually that's honestly exactly how I've been rolling as well and it is kind of gross so like agreed hahaha. She's the best. Idk how long she'll be tenured to them but I'd love to see her continue to exist in like their coterie moving forward. impeccable vibes.

also used merch waiting as a way to distribute more bracelets and get a drink of water! WOOHOO NOW I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY COMMUNION THANK YOU. they put the setlists down and there was a very small fraction of me that wanted to avert my eyes but like I. I had to know. and annika said yes there are new songs in the list. and I peered into the list and my song was there.

hey guys. hey guys? look, this was for me. I have to be honest with you. i manifested this. by being annoying on twitter. by being god's specialest costume-making donut-gifting bracelet-slinging weirdo. I'm owning it and it's mine. I was exactly EXACTLY right with "well, if they put Engine Room in they'll probably take Leviathan out, because they'd kind of fill the same role of slow moody song in the set, and then they'll probably swap in a different non-Man Alive song to compensate for Engine Room being there instead," and this is exactly what happened, and so then not only did I get Engine Room but I also got REGRET, WHICH IS ALSO AN EMILY THREEPWILLOW PLIABLE HEAD SONG, BECAUSE HERE THESE NERDLORD KINGSHIT BANDBOYS ARE IN MY GODDAMN BACK YARD, they're in my house and god it took me the whole fucking set up to then to just prepare, like I had to try not to think about it so I could enjoy what was right in front of me. God it was so fucking, fucking good. our position along the stage had Alex's stuff REALLY forward in the mix which was kind of new for me, but jon was just right there and every time I lifted my hands to dance and to yearn it was like, the only thing stopping me from touching you is my own sense of propriety and not any kind of physical barrier or distance, and the person immediately behind me was seeing the band for the first time and felt similarly about NOTLK as I did to Engine Room and those two songs were literally back to back in the set so we kind of screamed and cried and died together, I gave her a huge hug, and LOL SORRY NOT SORRY THAT I GOT MY KZ AND LEVIATHAN TAKEN OUT OF THE SETLIST FOR Y'ALL, PITTSBURGH, I DO FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT THIS WAS UMMM IMPORTANT TO ME, THANK YOU, goodbye. goodbye I left the planet. I thought I was going to cry and I nearly did but I didn't, but I did actually maybe start hyperventilating. like I'm glad I knew it was coming ahead of time because if it had been a full surprise I think whatever was happening to my lungs would have been exponentially worse and I may have even fainted.

(which, btw: jonathan. jon. when he came out on stage, he almost immediately got his mic cable caught on the edge of where his setlist was taped down, and in jerking it around, he whipped the setlist up off the floor and way upstage toward where Pete was; when he finally put it to rights and taped it back down, he just left it where it was at, far enough away from me that I definitely could not read it anymore; and like DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE? TO MOVE IT OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, TO MAYBE KEEP ME FROM READING IT? SURELY YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I'D ALREADY SEEN IT LIKE 15 MINUTES AGO. NICE TRY BUT IT'S TOO LATE I SAW EVERYTHING. i love him. i'm in physical pain.)

knowing this was my final one, I went so, so, incredibly hard, I let myself dance and mosh and scream and take way more pics and videos than I had before, I leaned on the lip of the stage, I had an absolute fucking blast. When the set was over a few other people who were more strategically positioned (i.e. people who had not had their most easily accessible setlists unceremoniously yoinked several feet away) snatched up the closest ones way quick; there was a general tension in the crowd at being able to see jon's, but it being further away out of reach, and one ballsy-ass kid (the "Kevin" person who'd accompanied the pizza boy person) actually clambored up onto the stage and ninja'd over and took it for himself, which inspired two copycats to do the same for some discarded guitar picks (and all of which definitely provoked a very loud, unimpressed, authoritative barking of "HEY!!!" from some security somewhere, like, they definitely shouldn't have done that!! yikes!!!!). I, instead, very patiently waited for an opportune moment to get the attention of their short king guitar tech as he was running around doing teardown, and someone else flagged him first and got pete's setlist, and in my final moments I got him to get me mike's. Gang, I'm gonna be real with you, I was not leaving my Pittsburgh hometown show in which they played Leave The fucking Engine Room without a setlist. there would've been blood or at the very least tears. so like. thank god lmao. Satisfied, we got some water and then headed out!!!

It was a long, chilly wait for the boys outside--god, the chilliness was REFRESHING, though, it's October for crying out loud, and DC and Philly and NY had all been muggy sweaty hot with no need for even long pants, much less a jacket, but I was glad I'd had the forethought to wear my flannel around my waist to cover up the YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT printed around the ass of my shorts on my walk over to deter questions, lmfao. We easily identified the spot on the side of the venue where we assumed the guys were coming out, it was all just a matter of time. (AG and I getting some confusing-to-parse messages from Becky? Idk my phone was SUPER dying so I was trying to leave it on airplane as much as possible, I didn't even make it to the end of the night, RIP needing to use my map all day in the car and even with it plugged in spending more than I was juicing of the battery. Listen i needed PICS and VIDEOS!!) I saw Jon first, and he almost looked past me before spotting me there because I was pretty close to the corner of the block, and I just stared at him, and said, May I hug you. and he said, of course! and I hugged him so long and so hard just like, thank you, I was extremely emotional then and I'm also getting extremely emotional now just typing about it, and he was like omg haha what for? Coming to your town? and I was like coming to my town and playing my SONG!!! And then he said something with the tone of a snarky teasy joke but that was like flusteringly truthful underneath about them legitimately rearranging the set quite a lot for me, and I have not stopped screaming internally since then, and Jeremy joked that I'd just seen the exact same set three times and they felt they ought to give me at least something new ha ha ha but like it wasn't entirely a joke, and I just don't even know how to process this. i am perishèd in the soil. anyhow.

I wanted both my setlist and my Supernormal EP vinyl signed by all the boys, and I managed this with relatively little doing ("A deep cut!" jeremy remarks of the supernormal, haha), but I didn't want to be crowding them and getting in the way of other people getting lad time, so I kind of took a backseat and just talked when the time was right, but Jon did kind of keep wanting to talk to me. We talked about the new song, and we talked about the donuts I sent over--oh my GOD, because I was like, they're from that place over there, you can see the big neon donut sign from here! haha, and he was like dyou know what, I knew that's where they were from, because I went over there earlier in the day and got one for myself, I got a huckleberry one and I came back with it and everyone was like, what's that, they were very jealous, and then not too long after that this box of loads of them just shows up-- And like I am a donut fairy psychic wizard. Also everyone who is ever in Pittsburgh should go to Oliver's donuts and eat their fabulously good products. I will shill for them literally any day of the week. This is the second band I have given Oliver's to this year. I cannot be stopped. ANYWAY. i honestly almost could have written that prediction on an envelope and sealed it, that they'd end up wandering in there on their own only for me to send them some too. i was so tickled that jon got the huckleberry one because it's their signature flavor and it's SO PINK and allegra and I had just decided the night before that jon higgs is hot pink coded. like, in the universe where they are dyeing their hair multicolors for the lore. anyhow. it's good shit.

i had SO much fun after this show, even though it was so chilly and dark and we were scrungling around on a literal street corner outside a wine and spirits store, I was like holding people's things so they could get pics and signatures, I was showing off my supernormal booty shorts, I was talking to Jon about lore----- ohhh, my god, I had exactly two bracelets left when the night was over, literally the end of my stash, and it was one Final Form FIRST BODY LAST BODY that I said, y'know, I'm going to save this for my bestie francis when I send them the shirt, because that's the lyric I wanna get a tattoo of, and it'll match with my PLIABLE HEAD bracelet, and it'll be another sort of besties matching thing; and my one lone AKON IN THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE bracelet that remained, where I'd kind of said, well, if this one doesn't find the right home tonight, then at the end of the night I'm going to give it to Jon too. So I dug in my bag and passed it off, and he was like "what does this one say.... kon... Akon... Akon in the house--what is--OH AND THERE'S A LITTLE BUTTERFLY ON THERE, God--" and he was GRINNING and he was SO TICKLED BY IT and Jez chimed in with just like "The attention to detail--" and Jon was like "this is my favorite one actually," he LOVED IT AND I WAS SO CHARMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, and then he offered me up something like "you kno-ow, this, the song, of this, there's actually a reference to it in something, something you've never heard-- and--that you never will," doing his cryptic Jon troll grin, "the one thing that didn't make it," with the implied end of that sentence being "onto the album," and 'album' in this case being implied to be Raw Data Feel, which they have very publicly said that for once was an album where they just put everything on and didn't cull any songs or reserve any bonus tracks to release later or whatever. So I said, "Oh, from the one that we've been told had no cuts...?" also not explicitly saying RDF, and his answer to that was vague/nondescript enough but was probably an affirmative, but then he did follow that up with "that's lore that's SO far down the line, WAY WAY out there," and god, just, how deep does this man's brain and nonsense even fucking go. how far into the future is there LORE. BOTTOMLESS!!! I am obsessed with him. i cannot stress enough how blorbo he is to me.

The shorts came back up in conversation too ("Sorry, let me just look quite closely at your ass for a moment--" "It's okay, the shorts are designed that way--") and him saying, yeah, we do talk about some of the costumes still, and then segueing into asking if I had plans for this year and what I was doing, and I said, maybe, I'm not sure if I want to tell you, and he said, Is it to do with us, and I said, Neither confirm nor deny, and he said, Well if it's not, then, I want to know, with kind of a 'duh' tone ahahaha because like true there would be no reason to be coy if it was nothing to do with E E at all, and I explained that like I kind of have to have two costumes ("of course you do."), WELL because y'know the E E ones don't really play to or land with the general populace (a very cheeky "No!") so I have, just, one that's for going to parties, and one that's for fucking around on the internet. He seemed to find that acceptable hahaha.

Anyway what I REALLY wanted with wearing the Supernormal shorts was a group pic of all five of us normal frontways, and then a group pic of all five of us facing backward/ass to the camera a la the picture of them outside the White House, where you could see the goof of my shorts but also all of their butts, but this was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER TO DO when it was so dark that phone cameras were taking everything long-exposure, and also they'd all had just enough beer to not really be following on what the bit was. Absolute shit results on the backwards pic because I couldn't, y'know, see to coordinate it, because I had my back turned. (Me yelling, "Not just MY butt, EVERYONE'S butts, come on!!" into the streets of Lawrenceville.) Utter failure. Didn't care. I love these fucking guys. The vibe was finally kind of winding down, closing-time energy, the guys still had to get on the bus to Boston right away even with tomorrow being their day off, it was a Boston day off and not a Pittsburgh day off where I could offer them free ice cream sadly, so they all sort of bowed sweetly out. Jon gave me his like, I Am Part Of The Band clearance ID badge from the venue, kind of out of nowhere, he was like "sorry this is all I have to give you, it's the least I could do," and I was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME SO M-- YOU COULD DO WAY LESS ??? but I guess now I have that, too. I tried to give him the King Of Oil sign from my fatberg costume, which I'd initially brought because I thought it would be a fun photo taking prop but the photo situation was the aforementioned disaster so that never really came to any fruition at all, so I was just going to gift it to them, and he said "My suitcase is already so full of so much random shit-- that you've given us--" and then right as he was leaving he just said "Thank you for being such a weirdo" with a voice full of all the kindness and affection in the world and I just yelled "ANY TIME!!" and then oh so tragically the night had to be over.

it's been nice, though, because I'm so used to driving the long drive home at the end of an adventure and having that signify the end, of getting to the end of the car ride and having nothing beyond that but the rest of my regular life; and this time, I drove all the way home, but when I got there, the adventure was still happening, right in my neighborhood, right down the street, and all I had to do was walk back home alone in the dark and climb into my own bed at the end of a long and beautiful night. i can already tell that this is going to be one of my most special memories basically forever, and now every time I drive or ride the bus to and from work each day I will be passing by the place where Everything Everything performed Leave The Engine Room for me, and that's so profoundly special that I don't even have words to describe it. I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the people its gravity pulls in to orbit around it, I'm just so goddamn happy. I don't even know what to say or how to end this.

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e6 live episode reaction

okay, holy shit

this episode's gonna have to do a LOT bc last episode was everything good in the world

man, Geoff is so sweet I love him

MR FAROOOUUUKKKKKK MR FAROUK AND HIS LIL FIST BUMPS

not the rugby lads 😭

"I still relapsed two weeks after" oh no

oh no please don't show it

OH THEYRE SJPWING IT DONT FIGHT PLEASE

did he just tell nick to fuck off? oh my god

NOOOOOO

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TORI AND NICK

9h my god

ohmtmgkd

bro this isn't good

oh my god

"he's seen me at my absolute rock bottom and hasn't run away screaming" AND HE'S NOT GONNA! #FutureHusbands #FutureDads

TEN YEARS IN AND HAVING MARITAL PROVLEMS OH MY GO D

BRO I WAS *KIDDING* WITH THE HASHTAG

geoff is so funny though I love him

OH. OKAY.

"more energy" yeah that's what we're calling it now huh

geoff's knowing look lmfao

bro I love geoff

ELLE IS IG FAMOUS OMG

not a radio interview? oh god

seeing charlie play the drums again has me emo (prob also nick's thought process)

THEYRE SEEING SEXY JACK MADDOX

oh they're kissing

oh they're Kissing™

they're like fr kissing oh my god they're GOING AT IT STOP IT SLUTS

WHAT

"and it's obvious we both want to" okay I am LIVING for this change from the book

WHAT WHAT

WHAT

NO YOU HAVEN'T?

YOU'VE DONE NOTHING

WDYM OVER THE CLOTHES CHARLIE YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT THIS POINT

WH A T

it is Incredibly Extremely Hilariously accurate that the one aroace in the group actually wants to hear all the details nskfjsofjdofk most ace people I know are *so* nasty so this tracks so much

TAO I SWEAR

FIERY PASSION STOP ITJFKGJDLGKLDKG

"we've all heard the story" god I know this man called them up the next morning like I'M NO LONGER A VIRGIN

WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN CHARLIE'S SEX LIFE AND NOT MINE SKFISIFUSOFUDIGUDOGUFOGIFOGIFIGIDKG

WE KNOW YOU LOVE SEXY TIME

oh my god they're so annoying

but I gotta pause because I need like

a moment

wdym nick and charlie have "not done nothing" like this is a huge deviation from the books. not an unwelcome one but I've been psyching myself up for this because I love them but they're my babies

so hearing this is so..........

like over the clothes is still sex isn't it

like "IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE DONE NOTHING" CHARLES?

oh..... I wasn't prepared to see the scars

haha ha haha hah ha

PLEASE DON'T BREAK ANYTHING OR BE SICK ANYWHERE KSJFKDFJDKFJDLFJ

"that sounds like a note for imogen" "HOW DID I GET THIS REPUTATION" oh I don't know baby how did you

okay

nick and imogen vs charlie and sahar......... loving this actually

bro nick and imogen being groupies together tho :(

oh mh god babies

O

OH

MICHAEL

MICHAEL HOLDEN

MICHAEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

oh my god

how is that literally michael im in tears

MEOW - MEOW - MEOW

okay elleargentupdates we get it you love your girlfriend

LETS GO ZAHEANEY

"what I do know is I don't wanna keep hurting you" oh baby girl

"you made me realize something pretty big about myself" "I guess I could say the same about you" oh my darlings :(

also is that immy admitting that she's also into girls bc, love that

"we'd be awful together" NO YOU WOULDN'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

"I like us better as friends" oh babies

NOT BABY IMOGEN AND SAHAR I'M GONNA CRY BABIES

"is it sustainable? I'm trying to do my bit" JSKFJSKFJSKGJDKGK IMOGEN I LOVE YOU

god I love them I still want them to get together

CHARLIE ISAAC AND TAO ALL DRUNK TOGETHER SKFJDKFUDKFJF

NOT CHARLIE ON NICK'S LAP AAAAAAAA

GOOD 4 U I'M DUIGJFKDJGLDKGLD

joe personally texted olivia for the rights to this song I know it

TORI AND MICHAEL AND THEIR DRINKS IM GONNA LITERALLY RIP MY ARMS OFF

[rips clothes off and runs down the street] SPROOOOOLLLLDDDEEEENNNNNN

oh

'business or politics' yea sounds like imogen

oh Tara baby no

TARA NOOOO Bby

oh my god???

CHARLIE?????????

oh my god charlie is so good

bro nick looking at them with that face..... bro's thinking "yeah that's my future baby daddy"

"that was amazing" "I'm so drunk right now" kskfldjfkdjfkdjgld

"don't ever leave me" "wasn't planning on it" oh man they're gonna wreck me next season

charlie seems so cuddly like this :(

"I've been thinking about something" "what" "you and me" OH DONT SAY IT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK

WE COULD DO THINGS???

NO HES NOT SAYING IT WHILE DRUNK

"WE COULD HAVE SEX" NOT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK CHARLES

"I think about it all the time" "yeah, so do I" oh you horny little miscreants

"that was a long time ago" fr it's been almost a year like let's be so serious

NOT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK CHARLES

yeah nick exactly

oh he's trying to use liquid courage :( charlie no

"OH SHIT" lmao honestly

"and then we were in the kitchen and..." CHARLIE'S PANIC FACE LMAO

TORI AND MICHAEL WAKING NICK AND CHARLIE UP

bro all I want from life is nick/charlie/tori/michael like please give them a sitcom I want all 4 of them and nobody else

"I can make egg on toast. you look like you need egg on toast" responsible parent michael holden

NICK AND CHARLIE LOOKING AT TORI LIKE THAT SKFKDKFJFKF

nick gets to tease her too they've bonded for life! favorite in laws ever!

the way nick looks at them kills me, that man has his eye on them the way he had his eye on tao and elle. he's manifesting

"ready to meet the love of your life?" "you're so jealous right now" kskfksofkdof oh nick baby

oh elle baby

oh

oh wait no

BRO WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH

"well, your speaker last week was transphobic, then" GO OFF ELLE

what the fuck that was so fuckin nasty

oh elle baby

oh my god elle's parents are the best im gonna cry

oh elle baby

NOT THE COPPER JOKE SKFJDLFKDLFKDLGKD

oh my god that was the single most embarrassing scene I've ever watched

what the fuck that was AWFUL IM DHINGKDKFKDKFLDKFDL

Jskdjslfjsldk NICK

yeah I love you Jonny boy but I'm not gonna be watching that scene again

oh

OH OKAY

OKAYYYY LETS KEEP THIS ENERGY GOING

oh charlie no

oh

HANDS ABOVE WAISTS MISTERS

ohhhh

OH FUCK

oh right. charlie's house. open door policy. horrifying.

but thank god bc charlie was making me so nervous

"you know I really fancy you. infinitely more than jack maddox" broooo

I really love the way they included jack maddox in this episode tho like. as a way to bring up unrealistic body standards and all that shit

"I want you" if that man looked at me like that and said that to me i would literally faint

but yeah, please god not at charlie's house lmao

oh the therapy session :( I love geoff so much he's so sweet

"there's free condoms at reception" lmao oh my god

aw the birbs

god what a fun episode. AND I HAVE MICHAEL NOOOOOWWWWWWWW. I love this show *so* deeply*

[goldenzx]

Specialized Super Spectacular Squadron Spider-Man / SSSS Spider-Man

Decided to make a group of Sentai Spidersona Goofballs, It was pretty hard to adapt the eyes into a visor design. Also was pretty hard to find out who would make up the team and what colors they would be (So many of Spidey's villains wear green, probably because of contrasting colors schemes?). As for why I decided to genderbend Rhino?.... dunno, really just seemed natural at the time.

Here's a bit of backstory and characters, but I don't have alot. I'd appreciate suggestions from people more familiar with Spider-man.

Spider Protector V and Spi-D Machines - 5 alien warriors from Planet Spider use the sentient transformation devices called the "Spider Protector V" to tranform into the Spectacular Squadron "Spider-Man". Fighting evil using their special combat suits and weaponize giant vehicles called the "Spi-D Machines".

But while patrolling a far away Solar System in-search of the dangerous Iron Cross Army, they are ambushed and ended up landing near a prestigious stem school called "Osborn High". With four of the warriors out of commission with both their Spider Protectors and Spi-D Machines heavily damaged, And their leaders losing faith in his skills, they decide to accept help from the shady headmaster and billionaire, Norman Osborn.

The four machines and changers are repaired, and all five suits and machines are given a few Osborn™ improvements, and the Spider Protector V are sent out to find a new group of heroes to fight the Iron Cross Army and their leader, the evil Doctor Monster. Although while Osborn seems be helping them to prevent the Iron Cross Army from conquering the earth, he seems to be plotting something behind the scenes.

The Hero's backstory (This is what I've thought of for now);

Peter Parker - Chosen to be the "Spectacular Red/The Spectacular Spider" or simply Spider-Man. A promising young lad who got accepted into Osborn High after disabling a sabotaged machine that was being shown off by scouts. He lives with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben.  He's always been a huge nerd, but started going to the gym when he entered his first highschool in hopes of deterring bullies, although that hasn't seemed to be working thus far. (and because of encouragement by Uncle Ben). Surprisingly snarky and more confident than the average dweeb.

Otto Octavius - One of Parker's classmates and first friend in this new school. A genius inventor Peter met at Osborn High, they both get their suits on the same day, he transforms into "Spectacular Green/The Spectacular Ock" or just Doc Ock. Quite intelligent, But often victim to his own hubris.

Herman Schultz - Becomes "Spectacular Yellow/The Spectacular Shocker" or Shocker. A self-taught engineer, after having to drop out of his first high school because of his parents' financial situation, he tried using engineering and inventing prowess to rob crack safes. While in Juvie he was chosen by the Spider Bracelet, and because of this and Osborn being impressed by his inventing talents, he is out of Juvie in exchange for attending Osborn High (And fighting Dr Monster). Although he can be quite greedy, he's actually quite a kind and caring and pretty peppy dude. Just don't ask him to borrow a couple bucks.

Alex Sytsevich - She's "Spectacular Grey/The Spectacular Rhino" or Rhino, and Peter's second friend at Osborn High. A Russian American from a poor. She can seem dimwitted at practically everything else. Short-sighted and easily deceived, combined with her near inhuman stature and strength caused her to fall into the wrong crowd. She is enrolled into Osborn High after being chosen by the Spider Bracelet, where she learns she's surprisingly great at physics. Wants to make an honest living for her and her parents, but is afraid the crime life may be all she's truly good at. Appreciates Peter Parker's friendship and honesty, and has a slight crush on him.

Max Dillon - He's the final member, "Spectacular Blue/The Spectacular Electro". He's solely motivated by money, studied hard to make money, entered Osborn high to get a better job to make money, and when he gained his suit he used it as leverage to be paid when he fights against the Iron Cross Army. Some may think it's because he wants a good life for his sister, and maybe that's partially true, but spend any amount of time with him, and you'll find that he's generally just a money-hungry guy. He is easy to anger and pretty rude. It's unknown why the Spider Protector V chose him.  Although he gets the job done well, probably the best fighter among them and the most adept at using his suits abilities, always getting vexed at when his teammates play around during battles. He wishes him and Schultz hero names weren't so similar and has been asking Herman to rename himself "Shockwaver" or something.

[majimasleftasscheek]

So, I know you like Kazumaji and Tigerfish (which, ngl, you kinda got me into lol), but out of curiosity, do you have any other pairings in the series?

a few actually!

Minami x Nishida - oogie boogie dynamic of a goblin and just a guy™, they can bond over how much they love Majima and how he's a hard ass

Ryuji x Akiyama x Hana - mostly because of ishin/dead souls tbh because I get a crumb of interaction there and throwing Hana in too cuz I like the idea that Ryuji and her can bully captain capitalism

Daigo x Mine - the goober ass obsession Mine's got going for Daigo of all people is very funny to me in a charming cringefail sort of way. I personally prefer interpretations of them where they're both wildly pathetic

Shinada x Milky-chan lol - I just think they're really cute and I hope they both got on their feet so they could live out their dreams 🥺

Yuki x Koyuki- I hope they're happy running a sushi place or whatever it was that they're doing in LAD 😌

and that's pretty much it I think 🤔 most other pairings I'm very indifferent to or they just don't do anything for me personally

[radiomonkeys2]

Bolloi Masculinity

~Seacar14

One of the big discussions in recent years has been about the concept of "Strong Female Characters" and "girlbosses." People argue about whether or not they're realistic, if they are actually empowering to female audiences, if they are are feminist, if they're pseudo-feminist pandering, if they're shallow and simply toxic masculinity with a female face, if it even matters as long as they're fun, and so on

Bollois decidedly do nothing to further that debate.

From the outset, on a purely physical level, bollois are the spawn of bioengineering, much like all Yabans, and while their roots may be in the Getabaru-Saiyans, bollois are not quite equivalent to Saiyan women since, on a pure secular level, male and female Yabans are already much denser and heavier than an equivalently sized human or Getabaru-Saiyan, on top of their very biology and psychology being engineered towards combat. An average secular bolloi— that is completely unsparked with chi— is still much stronger than the average man.

But even if you discount their pure biology and energy, bollois are still different from the "Strong Female Character™" archetype in other ways. For all the chuds and reactionaries talk about girlboss action-oriented women as being "men with boobs," when you compare them to bollois, it becomes very clearly obvious that they are still written with feminine or at least female-oriented conventions in mind. Simply being strong, or strong-willed, being "Lad-ettes" or "tomboys", does not quite bring you to the level of bollois and vroda kvltvr.

Bringing this up again:

Originally way back in 2018, I decided bollois were "hypermasculine" just because they liked fighting and proving themselves in battle, and in retrospect those early bollois were pretty much exactly like the Strong Female Character™ archetype and not the "Literally Men with Boobs" they are now. I pretty much had 100 different rules for bollois for why they Aren't Like Other Girls and are boyish and badass fighting femmes; nowadays, I just have five vague rules that work a hundred times better: "Aromantic as a rule," "No culture of vanity," "No culture of protection," "Lack feral maternalism," and "Have little intrinsic worth"

I was writing up an explanation earlier, but got distracted. However, a comment on DeviantArt got me back on track, so here we go:

Aromantic as a rule: Probably the single biggest culture shock humans have with bollois is just how little they regard romance. For us humans, this is basically a "no-no" when it comes to female characters, because we almost always view female characters and femalehood in general through the lens of romance. I mean think about it: besides the Venus symbol (♀), what symbol do we most often use in association with girls and women? The Valentine's heart.❤️ We tend to view women as sex objects. We tend to view women's issues as issues of love and relationships first and foremost. We expect girls and women to grow up idealizing marriage. When female characters are introduced into a story, the question of romance and shipping almost immediately follows. There are genuinely a lot of people who cannot dissociate "female" from "love interest." So for a female character to not be involved with anyone romantically or even have any romantic interests definitely goes against the grain.

What's especially funny about this is that Dragon Ball allegedly claims Saiyans don't care for romance, but has literally never followed through on that with the only exception being Son Goku himself. It's a pure background detail that's widely accepted, but at least after the original Bardock special (where Selypa didn't get enough screentime to be romance-baited in the first place), whenever a female Saiyan is introduced, the question of romance is immediately raised. Gine? Just so happened to be a "rare" example of a loving, romantic Saiyan. Caulifla and Kale? Almost as soon as they're introduced, the question of romance with Cabba is brought up (though admittedly shot down). Heck, most recently in the Bardock DLC of Kakarot, guess what Selypa's missions focus on? You guessed it: romance. I think Toriyama had it in his head that Saiyans don't care for romance because Goku doesn't, but he and Toei are too traditionalist in mindset to actually carry through with that in the series proper. They're actually incapable of telling stories involving female characters that don't involve romance. Except the Kaios, I think. I don't think the female kaioshins have ever been romance-baited.

[In retrospect, this was a bit asinine to describe, as we barely ever see female Saiyans at all. Honestly not too sure what exactly I was talking about here with the Saiyans besides nitpicking like a monkey]

So to that end, bollois actually not caring about romance can come off as weird and even disappointing to people. There might be a propensity to think that a female character who isn't into romance was simply hurt or is hiding her true self, or even that they just haven't found Mr. or Ms. Right just yet, so genuinely lacking any interest is definitely not common. Them being estrous certainly pushes that to its limit.

No Culture of Vanity: It may be "problematic" to say this among certain people, but there's no lie in saying that women are generally more interested in their appearance and matters of beauty. And this is culturally reinforced, we almost always tend to compliment women on their appearance and reinforce their sense of vanity as often as possible, something rarely done for men. Heck, "Beauties" is a somewhat common alternative for "women." The very names we give girls reflect "beauty" or "delicacy" or "gentleness." (If you're a girl, look up the meaning of your name; more often than not, it's a name reflecting appearance or femininity). Especially in the West and Far East, we actively expect women to wear make-up, get plastic surgery, and just generally look as cute and presentable as possible. And even if they don't do this, we still reward them with compliments.

Bollois don't have that, nor do they get that. The most a bolloi will get in terms of comments on her appearance on any random day, even surrounded by nagois, might be "You look like shit." They have zero expectation of being complimented, and very little in the way of beautification.

No culture of protection: In modern times, we like saying that women are capable and independent and strong, but let's be perfectly honest, that culture of chivalry didn't simply die out in a few decades any more than racism did. We still very widely view girls and women as vulnerable and in constant danger. There's still an overwhelming, unstated expectation that men should never hit women under any circumstance, that girls are inherently more delicate, and that women should stay out of dangerous situations. This also goes that girls are less culpable for their decisions and shouldn't face the same consequences as boys for the same offenses, which goes as far as believing that only men can be truly evil; women are only made to do evil by evil men. But it's even as simple and innocent as punishing a boy more harshly when he and a bunch of girls do something wrong.

Again, bollois don't get off that easy. In other words, there's no cultural belief that bollois need to be protected more than nagois or are less capable of handling themselves and thus should be insulated from danger, peril, and hardship. There is no belief in the idea that bollois are more delicate and fragile. And this goes the other way as well. A human girl holding her own at a challenge, getting through a tough situation, and matching or even overcoming the boys will be celebrated as an example of girl power. A bolloi displaying such competency proves nothing and earns no similar praise. At least among Yabans.

Lack feral maternalism: Among humans, we view motherhood as the highest and most powerful expression of femininity to the point many women are shamed for not getting married or bearing children, certainly far more than men are for not being fathers. In fact, we tend to view motherhood as so central to a woman's life that a lot of the more conservative and traditionalist mindsets say that a childless woman is the unhappiest woman. Also notice that a lot of the "good" strong female characters that are defended by people who otherwise chastise Strong Female Characters™ are described as being "motherly."

Bollois can certainly be mothers, but they lack a lot of the nurturing, motherly instincts we find intrinsic to mature femalehood. A bolloi is basically a mother for the first year, and then a female father for the rest of her child's life. And of course you have yenois further complicating matters, which is no better represented than with....

Have little intrinsic worth: It's a cold fact every man must face in his life: that he is an expendable human compared to a woman. This is very widely reinforced in society, no better summed up than in the saying "women and children first." This is very closely related to the "culture of protection" I mentioned above. A hundred thousand men can die and be overlooked, but the death of a single woman is a horrific tragedy worth special notice and attention. There's an old sexist saying that goes that "Women are, men must become." Which is to say that a woman can simply be pretty to win at life, but a man is worthless unless he accomplishes something.

Bollois don't really get this. Since they still have wombs, they're surely seen as being worth more than a man, but then you run into the issue of yenois, the primary "breeder" sex among Yabans, and thus the sex with the most "intrinsic" worth. Bollois are raised basically with the expectation that they're disposable extraneous grunts. A bolloi who wants to be worth anything has to actually achieve something.

So when you combine all this together, you wind up with a sex that doesn't really care for romance, cares virtually nothing for beautification, is treated harshly and without comfort in life, has little in the way of a nurturing motherly spirit, and can only be considered worth anything if they make something of themselves. This all sounds very similar to how we traditionally treat and view men in the world, so no wonder bollois go beyond simply being "Strong Female Characters™".

These are fundamental cultural expectations that you can't simply erase just by making a female character strong, aggressive, muscular, tough, headstrong, and independent. They inform just about all of our more subtle creative decisions, even our unconscious ones. In fact, this is a big reason why I went with nonhuman creatures in the first place: even if you disregard biological nature affecting behavior and psychology, it is almost completely impossible to create a female human character with the same socio-cultural traits of a bolloi (unless she's from an alien world or some bizarro alternate history). This is because there is no culture on Earth (as far as I know) that comprehensively raises women the exact same as men on such a profound and all-encompassing level that these traits will not appear. Indeed, because there is no dedicated third "dominant breeder" sex among humans, it is actually impossible on some level for Earthling women to be like bollois because we place such high value on the ability to bear children.

Simply being a tomboy or a Butch lesbian or a turbo-Ladette is not the same. This isn't about your personal decisions and lifestyle choices. It's about the entire society in which you live that molds you every second of every day of your life, whether you realize it or not.

Thus, it can be a massive culture shock for bollois to come to Earth and suddenly be treated like the girls they are. Yulaan, for example, has quite literally never been complimented on her appearance in her life. She goes to Earth-Prime, and all of a sudden, you've got all these people calling her "cute" and "sexy" and wondering if she's going to find a boyfriend (or girlfriend?) and calling her hair a "perpetual bad hair-day" and so on. You have some celebrating how much she's a badass and a strong independent girl who can handle herself, which to Yulaan seems like needless aggrandizing flattery.

It's like, imagine if some really macho gangster/mafioso, Yakuza member, whatever, imagine they go to another planet where men are treated like princesses and are widely viewed as a beautiful, elegant, and romantic sex. Probably wouldn't know how to react, would he? That's Yulaan.

And do recall the kagoras.

Planet Vegeta likely would not see anything like the vroda kagora, as the Vegetan women seem to be more in line with "strong-willed and often physically super-strong women" as opposed to bollois.

[cornley-amateur-drama-society]

Horatio the Stray Cat That Lives Behind the Cornley Theatre

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This is probably one of the more accurate depictions I found. All it's missing, really, is the white tip at the end of the tail. I also added the crown and halo (hello!) to emphasize Chris' view of Horatio. In general, Horatio only really goes near Chris and maybe Trevor and Max, but Horatio senses The Vibes™ at the time of The Coup, so he was very aggressive towards Robert, but not aggressive enough for him to get carted away by animal control. Even after Robert and Chris got back to better terms, Robert was always a little afraid of Horatio. (Rightfully <3)

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Alack, there was no option here for the outlining to be in a slightly lighter color, so it's hard to see the nose and mouth bits. I adored the sparkles because in my mind, this is Horatio's love at first sight moment at Chris. He saw this thin, unpleasant man because he was just betrayed by the people he had worked with for gods know how long, and he was like, "I can fix him. Or I can make him worse. But either way, I will be there."

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All I hear in my mind when I see this is, "Bleh <3 >^_^<" It's such a cheeky depiction of Horatio, and I liked the ability to have the lil fang poking out.

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I think that this is pretty cool, and I like that I was able to put this many scars on him. I fully believe that our lad has been around the block and back several times. Blep :3c

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This maker was a little difficult for me to figure out at first, but it was really neat, and I was able to place the scars myself. I really love the ear part, because this is truly the closest that any of these had done the same as my mind.

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AAAAAHHHHHH THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE HE'S SO PRECIOUS AND CUTE I LOVE HIMMMM *clears throat awkwardly* I mean, the art style here is very cute and I enjoy the crayon/colored pencil kind of style of outlining here. The hearts are literally me looking at Horatio. Also, peep the rainstorm in the background <3

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This is the least accurate to the vision, but it is my absolute second favorite version here. Splat. And there's a frog. It's so cute, I adore this.