#The Narrative: I AM GOING TO RUN YOU OVER WITH A FUCKING TANK

[starbuck]

I’m so torn because, in a sense, I understand the appeal of “nothing about this story was inevitable”… of character accountability… But, on the other hand, stories literally ARE inevitable and characters literally CANNOT do anything to change them. Their fates are set in stone by forces far beyond them and I’m ALWAYS gonna be a sucker for a character trying their damndest to get out and The Narrative fucking them over and forcing them back into their Assigned Role.

[itsbrucey]

Hihiii! I have appeared with an invisible microphone up to you (you seem very talk to me idk why- could be your banner on your profile hmm) Jonah and Lorraine? What’s their deal? (/nf ask ofc :]])

People like commenting on my banners and I just realized both my main and side have fucked up Markipliers. Hm.

Also. Cracks knuckles. Ok this will probably be NONSENSE I am very tired but here's a fucking run down ( maybe I'll add tomorrow/later idk)

Jonah and Lorraine are two of my OCS that are in this circle of my Darling Wonderful OCS aka the ones I actively think about and make content for. They're in the same realm as Dulcie and Eli and Marley and Vio. Which is to say My Main Ocs.

They're also the select few that have a story/narrative of some kind! Of which I'd like to one day actually write or make comics for.

The basics of Jonah is that she's essentially a super soldier experiment, not being "finished" but the newest model that's being worked on. All lab grown, not a "real person" and therefore is not treated as such. She's made as an organic war machine and is extremely strong and durable; tear tanks and armies apart with her bare hands strong and durable. But she's also INSANELY dehumanized and abused within her facility to the point where she's just kind of. Completely apathetic and numb and permanently in a Fight state of being as a defensive mechanism.

She ends up turning on the facility during a regular trial run of her progress and she SLAUGHTERS most of the lab and facility workers. She escapes the facility and doesn't really have anywhere to go so she just Picks Somewhere. She ends up escaping to a city and climbing through a random window post-carnage and meeting Zach. A random fucking English major who can't really do anything about this massive murder woman who is now in his place.

Her entire thing is that she's learning what it means to be human while dealing with A: trauma and PTSD from Everything and B: a government desperate trying to get her back. Big Woman enjoyers who want someone severely emotionally stunted and permanently stressed out but trying her best may like her. Also she's bisexual and her blood is BRIGHT pink.

Lorraine is a chieftess of a sky island that floats over The Abyss, governing it with her two brothers. She basically oversees the safety of the villages and makes sure people are fed and tended to. Things have been getting hard though, as the island keeps crumbling little by little, and the island seems to have been falling apart faster after Lorraine's father died and she took over. She ends up getting betrayed by one of her brother's and challenges to a duel because he blames her for things sucking really bad + he's jealouuuuussss.

Lorraine loses the duel and gets stabbed through the gut with the family spear ( which has lightning magic fun fact ) and physically KICKED over the side of the island by her brother. She falls and falls and falls, spear STILL INSIDE HER, and she falls into The Abyss, which is like. An infinitely stretching void way below the island. If you fall over the edge, you aren't coming back.

But Lorraine falls into The Abyss. And wakes up. In a fucked up new world that is mangled and twisted and decaying. She gets attacked by some [creatures I haven't named yet ValleyStalkers idk] and manages to fight them off with her spear, but just barely. She faints bc of blood loss + exhaustion + lightning magic. But THEN. PLOT TWIST BITCH SHE JUST DRAGGED INTO A LITTLE ROCK SHELTER BY A LITTLE GIRL. PEOPLE CAN LIVE DOWN HERE.

Lorraine gets nursed back to health by this young girl and Lorraine is hellbent on clawing her way back up to the island and slaughtering her brother for his betrayal. And she adopts the girl and sets off on a journey to leave The Abyss. Also she's like in her 40's-50's and is a cool trans woman with a wife. For my woman enjoyers who like a stern and commanding lady who is also very sweet and sacrificial. Also who has a kickass lightning spear passed through her family's lineage.

Lorraine's lore document is collecting dust as we speak but I'd like to finalize some lore of the worldbuilding + Abyss, as well as OTHER CHARACTERS WHO AREN'T MENTIONED BC THE STORY NEEDS DEVELOPED. Jonah doesn't have a lore document yet bc I'm. Lazy.

Thumbs up!! This is like. The general overview of them. My beautiful amazing battle women.

[sushi0989]

do you love me?

Summary: Y/n and Bucky Barnes are best friends, but after a breakup between Bucky and his cheating girlfriend, Wanda Maximoff, y/n is concerned for his well-being. Y/n has always despised Wanda ever since she and Bucky got together, but she kept those feelings to herself so that Bucky remained happy. However, Wanda breaking Bucky's heart enrages y/n, but certain events unfold that change the narrative of their relationship

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader (enemies to lovers)

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Suicide and Sexual Assault (please don’t read if this may trigger you), there’s fluff towards the end though 

Word count: 10,168

A/N: I’m going to slowly upload some of my stories from AO3 onto here as I write Lie to Me and as well as some other stuff I’m working on. This was originally a two chapter work on AO3, but I put it into one post here. Hope you enjoy this one :)

(not my GIF)

You were awoken in the middle of the night to your phone vibrating incessantly on your bedside table. You hesitated to get up from your comfortable position in bed, which was you cuddling a pillow and your body tucked nicely under the covers, but you could hear Carol groaning and stirring awake in her bed. You sighed and rolled over to reach for your phone to see who in their right mind was texting you this late at night. The time read 2:18 am and you had 23 text messages from your best friend, Bucky Barnes.

"Wanda broke up with me"

"She cheated on me and then she broke up with ME"

"We were driving and then we got into an argument and now she left me on the side of the road"

"Can you pick me up?"

"Please answer"

"Please text back, I need help"

Your eyes widened, the sleepiness that was once consuming your body was now nowhere to be found. You darted out of bed, put on a jacket that covered your tank top, and grabbed your car keys, and stumbled out of your dorm. As you were running to your car, you called Bucky to check on him.

"Hello? Are you coming?" Bucky sniffled. "Bucky, I'm so sorry, I'm on my way. Where are you?" you asked as you were now unlocking your car door. Your pajama pants got caught on the door as you were trying to slam it shut, but you didn't notice leaving a dark stain on the white and red polka-dotted fabric.

"I uh- I walked to an Exxon gas station. It's the one on Maple Lane," he answered, his voice was quiet and shaky. "All the way in the city? God, what the actual fuck is wrong with Wanda? I always knew she was trouble. I'm coming right now, Buck," you responded. You stayed on the line, but Bucky ended the call.

After 20 minutes, you reached the gas station and Bucky was sitting on the curb in front of the convenience store. He didn't see you arrive, so you rolled down the window and shouted his name which got him out of his daze. He got up and sat in the passenger seat of your car. He looked up at you and then burst into tears.

Your heart broke for him, you leaned over and gave him a hug telling him everything will be okay.

"She never loved me. She said that. I was so in love with her, and she just- I don't understand," he wept. The two of them were together for just over a year and Bucky was madly in love with her. You never really liked Wanda because she seemed distant and cold, but you were happy that Bucky was happy. Except for right now, you wanted to go punch that bitch in the face.

"Don't say that, I knew she wasn't right for you. I had a gut feeling she was going to wrong you in some way and I should've told you. Let me take you back to your place and I'll stay the night with you," you cooed trying to calm him down. He nodded his head, so you kept a hand on his shoulder as you drove 15 minutes to Bucky's apartment just outside of campus.

The two of you got out and you held his hand as you stepped into the building and took out your key to his apartment. "Are Sam and Steve home?" you asked worried to make too much noise. "No, there was a party at Tony's tonight, they probably won't be back until the morning knowing them," Bucky mumbled. He stopped crying, but he still looked broken.

"Let's get you into bed. I'll sleep on the couch and tomorrow morning I'll take us to IHOP," you smiled trying to cheer him up, but he sighed and went into his room. As soon as there was no sign of him, you opened up your phone to look for Wanda's number. You sent her an angry text message telling her off.

"I knew you were a cold-hearted bitch from the start, but you actually had the nerve to break Bucky's heart like that? You know what he's gone through with Natasha! And you still had the fucking nerve! God. And you left him on the side of the road, too. In the middle of the night. You know about his mental health! If anything worse happened to him tonight then that would've been on you! You know what, you're not a cold-hearted bitch. You have no heart. You deserve nothing."

You pressed send and slumped onto the couch. After Natasha broke up with Bucky to be with Bruce almost two years ago, he went down a dark road. You were his tape and glue helping him stay happy, but you were so worried he might go do something to hurt himself after all of the things he'd say, and he almost did once. Ever since then, you've been extremely protective of him. When he and Wanda got together, he stopped saying those things. But you knew that there was something about Wanda that wasn't right, but you wanted Bucky to be happy again, so you let it go.

It was now three am and you couldn't fall asleep. Thankfully it was the weekend and you had no classes tomorrow, but you still had a ton of homework to get done. You lied down on the couch and closed your eyes seeing if exhaustion was going to kick in, but it didn't. You groaned in irritation so you decided to go on a walk. The campus was relatively safe to walk in at night for girls, so you weren't afraid.

When you got outside, you saw Darcy Lewis, who was one of Wanda's friends, texting on her phone. You contemplated whether or not if you should go up to her, but then she turned around and saw you standing there. "Y/n! Hi," she said awkwardly. "Hey," you responded in the same tone. You then furrowed your eyebrows because all of the anger you had began to erupt.

"Did you know about Wanda cheating on Bucky?" Darcy gulped and nodded her head. "And you let her? Wow. Okay," you let out a wry laugh. "Tell Wanda to stay the fuck away from me or else I might just strangle her," you threatened before walking past her.

"Y/n!" Darcy called for you, but you just kept walking. You walked and walked, your legs leading to no specific place. You eventually ended up in the quad, which was a good five miles from Bucky's apartment. You sat on a bench and you aired out your thoughts to yourself.

"God, why are women so problematic? Sometimes I wish I wasn't gay," you grumbled. "Hey there, stranger, and I'm pretty sure you don't wish that because you literally hate all men except for Bucky," you looked up and saw Carol wearing shorts and a tank top sweating profusely. "What are you doing up so early? You never wake up before nine am," she teased.

You looked at the time on your phone and it was almost six am, which was when Carol would go on her morning jog. "Bucky had an emergency. Wanda broke up with him and left him on the side of the road, so I went to go pick him up," you responded and hand on your forehead. Carol, who was also friends with Wanda, was shocked by the news; she sat down on the bench next to you. "Is it because he found out about her and Val?" she asked and your stomach churned.

"What did you just say?" you exclaimed, your voice shaking with rage. "Hey calm down," she said in a relaxed voice. "You knew she cheated on him and you didn't say anything?!" you fumed. Her face didn't show any emotion, she wasn't sure what to say to you. "It's not my place to say, y/n. I think you should go talk to Wanda," she advised. You chuckled and got up, "everyone's been hiding secrets lately, huh. If I see Wanda Maximoff right now I'm going to clock her right in the face," you retorted. This time, your feet were leading you to Wanda's residence hall which was right by the quad.

You stormed right up to the door and knocked lightly not to wake the others in the hall, but loud enough so that your anger could be detected. The door opened with Monica Rambeau, Wanda's roommate standing in front of you. "Where is she?" you said angrily. "Not here, she came back a few hours ago but she left not too long after," she responded. "Well, do you know where?" you raised an eyebrow. "Go try the lake," she answered before shutting the door.

You grumbled and made your way to the lake, which was on the other side of the residence hall. There she was, standing facing the sunrise. She was wearing a jean jacket and black mom jeans, her brown hair was messy, but in a nice way falling past her shoulders, and her hands were tucked into her pockets. As soon as you caught sight of her, you stormed up to her and aggressively grabbed her shoulder, and turned her to face you. Her breath hitched, startled by the sudden contact. She looked up at you, but then looked away. Her eyes were red, swollen from crying. There were wet tears on her cheeks, a little bit of snot peeking through her nose. She shuddered from every breath she took to stifle her sobs.

"Why the hell are you crying when you broke his heart?" you seethed. She didn't answer, so you firmly grabbed her face to make her look up at you. She was afraid, her chest rose and fell with each breath. "I...didn't...mean to," she choked out as sobs escaped from her. She covered her face with her hands and dropped to the ground.

Well shit, you thought. You didn't think she'd actually feel bad. You sat down on the ground with her and stared at her. "Why did you do it?" you asked with less anger in your tone. She kept sobbing with her hands covering her face, so you sighed and gently grasped her wrist to pull it down from her face. You then placed your hand on her cheek and wiped her tears with your thumb. She brought down her other hand from her face and you repeated the action on the other side as well. Her face leaned on your hand, the touch helped her to settle down.

"I'm bi," she breathed out finally. You were surprised, but you tried not to show any expression.

"I came out to Bucky a month ago because he needed to know, and he didn't seem all that accepting about it. He sees things so black and white. Either I'm into just guys or just girls, but he kept most of those opinions to himself until he aired them out last night. I told him I was with Val for some time before we met and he didn't show any negative feelings about it. Ever since that day, he's been distant, and my feelings for him started to go away because I was hurt that he didn't truly accept this part of me. And then we went to Tony's party and Val was there. I've been hanging out with her more lately because we ended things on good terms and because Bucky has been hanging out with Sam and Steve more often. She kissed me a few weeks ago. I told her that I was with Bucky and that I didn't feel that way about her anymore, so she stopped. I told Darcy about it and she said that she didn't think it was cheating, but I felt like I cheated. Anyways, Val and I talked a lot at Tony's party, and then she got tipsy and started to get really close to me with her dancing, and I didn't mind because I was having a great time, but Bucky saw us. He said he wanted to leave, so we did," she explained.

"In the car, he was weirdly quiet, so I asked him what was wrong. And then he started questioning my sexuality, that he didn't understand it, so I got pissed. I started going off on him and then I told him that she kissed me and he started yelling at me. That's when I stopped the car and let him off saying I didn't love him, because I was afraid of him. The way he got so mad scared me, I just couldn't be in the car with him. I didn't mean what I said about not loving him though. I drove back home and Monica helped me settle down," she went on.

"And then I got your text," she paused and your heart sank.

"I didn't know. If I had known I wouldn't have said those things," you responded, the guilt washed over you.

"I know," she whispered, she finally looked up at you. Her green eyes searched yours to see if you were truly genuine, and when she saw it, she put her hand on your cheek to show that she understood you were telling the truth.

"I'll talk to him, I'll explain-" you began, but Wanda cut you off. "No. I don't want to force him to accept me for who I am. If he's biphobic then that's on him, I don't want to go through more pain for him to understand me," she protested. She closed her eyes and sighed. "You should go, you said he was hurt, too. I know his mental health isn't the best, so he needs you," she dropped her hand from your face, but you kept yours on hers, but she pushed your hand away. You gave her a longing look before nodding your head and got up. You offered your hand to help her up, but she didn't accept it.

"I'm going to sit here for a while, it's a part of my daily routine because it helps me to calm down," she said bringing her knees up to her chest and faced her body towards the lake. "Well, if you need anything, please don't be afraid to contact me. And again, I'm sorry Wanda," you apologized before walking away.

You got back to Bucky's after almost an hour and a half of walking and he still wasn't awake. Steve and Sam were back by the looks of the trashed kitchen, but they seemed to have settled into their respective rooms. Finally, the exhaustion kicked in once you lied back on the couch and you fell asleep.

Bucky shook you awake at eleven am. "You look like shit," he said as you stirred awake. "Says you," you shot back in a teasing way. "We don't have to go to IHOP, I'm feeling better. You should go back home and get some more sleep," he said. "Are you sure?" you inquired as you sat up on the couch, your neck strained from the uncomfortable position you slept in. "I'll be okay, I'm gonna go see my therapist later," he assured and he seemed genuine about it. You got up and gave him a hug before leaving for your car.

When you got back to your dorm, Carol was sitting at her desk intently studying. "Damn, you look like shit," she joked as you walked in. "That's not the first time I heard that today," you muttered as you crashed onto your bed and squirmed for a comfortable sleeping position. You fell asleep with little effort and Carol continued to study.

There was a knock on the door at around two pm. Carol looked over and saw you still deep in sleep, so she tried to remain as quiet as possible to not wake you up. Wanda was at the door who was playing with the rings on her finger and biting the inside of her cheeks, but she was relieved to see her friend Carol answer the door first.

"Hey, how are you?" Carol asked pulling Wanda into a hug. The two pulled away and Wanda gave her a wry smile. "Not terrible, I came to talk to y/n. Is she here?" Carol nodded her head but told her you were dead asleep making Wanda smile. "You know you have to tell her, you can't keep it a secret forever," Carol advised. "Well, I told her the first half," Wanda reasoned, but Carol crossed her arms and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Well, the second half is the most important part. Me and Maria never would've happened if I didn't tell her how I felt about her," Carol explained. "Well, Maria wasn't best friends with you biphobic ex-boyfriend and didn't hate you for a solid year," Wanda retorted. She was annoyed by Carol insinuating this situation was easy because it was not in the slightest. Wanda knew this would most likely not work out in her favor, but she grumbled since she knew Carol was right. Better to try and fail than to give up and wondering if the two of you actually had a chance.

"Tell her I stopped by when she wakes up. I'll text her as well," Wanda said as she left.

You woke up at eight pm and Carol was now scrolling through her phone while lying on her bed. "Nice to see you awake, sleepyhead," You stretched your arms as you slowly pushed yourself up from bed. "Wanda stopped by at one point to come to see you, but I told her you were sleeping. She told me to tell you to text her when you're awake," Carol said.

You felt around your bed for your phone and it found it under your pillow. There was a long text from Wanda.

"Hey, I just wanted to thank you for talking to me earlier. I know you're Bucky's best friend, so I don't want you to worry about me. There was something about you this morning that made me feel seen. I know you've hated me ever since I've been with Bucky, I could sense that whenever I walked into a room with you in it. But this morning, I didn't get that feeling. I've never hated you, y/n. I tried avoiding you because I knew you didn't like me, but I always wished to grow closer with you. I love the way you are always there for Bucky, the way you're so protective over him. I stopped by to see if you wanted to go out and talk, but Carol said you were asleep, so when you wake up I hope you read and respond. If you don't want to, then that's okay, I understand. I just wanted to see. Thank you, y/n."

You sighed, you appreciated her words and happy that you were able to comfort her, but you knew Bucky would not be okay with you hanging out with Wanda. They're both in the wrong, but you felt like Bucky was more in the wrong. Him not accepting Wanda was why this all unfolded in the first place.

"Did she tell you?" Carol noticed the look on your face. "Yeah, I sat and talked to her this morning. I don't know what to do, Carol. Bucky's gonna hate me if I speak a word to Wanda, but I'm so pissed off at what he did," you said frustrated by the entire situation.

Carol put down her phone and got up from her bed to sit next to you. Her arm wrapped around your shoulders and enveloped you into a side hug. "I know this is a difficult position for you, but I think you need to think about yourself and what you want for once. You're such an amazing friend to Bucky and me and everyone else, but you never stop to think about what you want. Nebula broke up with you three years ago, and I know it was hard, but I want to see you happy. This situation is complicated, but listen to your heart," Carol consoled you.

"Wait, are you saying Wanda likes me? Oh god, that's gonna ruin Bucky. I can't do that to him!" you exclaimed covering your face with your hands. "God, do you ever listen to me? I literally just said to think about what you want. Do you like Wanda?" Carol groaned.

"I care about Bucky because of his mental health! He almost threw himself off a bridge when Nat broke up with him! And I've hated Wanda since the two of them got together and you think one meaningful conversation is gonna make me fall for her?" you fumed. "If she liked me then why did she get with Bucky? Why drag out her relationship with him for so long?" you pulled yourself away from Carol's hold on you.

"If you don't want to be with Wanda then just tell her! Talk to her! Talk to Bucky! I don't know what you want! Don't take this out on me when you can't get your own shit together," Carol snapped. "I need a fucking drink," you growled.

You angrily got up and changed your clothes into something more presentable for the outside. You threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and stormed out of your room with your phone, wallet, and car keys.

It was already dark outside, your sleeping schedule was going to be so messed up. You drove yourself to the Raft, a bar most of the college students on campus went to. You usually went to the Gauntlet since it was a lesbian bar, but it was usually more tame and quiet. You wanted to get blackout drunk and end up in someone's bed to escape your reality, and there was always a girl wanting a girl at any bar. Sleeping with people was something you didn't do often, but when you did, it meant you were falling hard on your face ad this was the only way to pick you up. Coping is something you've always struggled with, you were the therapist friend to everyone else, no one was one for you. Carol tried, but she sucked at it, or maybe you just sucked at listening to her and accepting your problems for what they were.

The bar was already crowded, it was Saturday after all. The bartender, a guy named Rocket, noticed you sit at the counter and didn't even ask what you wanted, he already knew. This was your go-to find-a-girl-and-get-railed bar, and you've been coming here more often recently whenever you saw Bucky and Wanda together. He laid out three shot glasses and filled them with tequila. You smirked at him for knowing you so well and you downed each drink, you didn't mind the burning feeling in your throat.

"Want another round," he asked you loudly due to the blaring music and people dancing. "Of course, Rock!" you hollered, putting both arms into the air and screaming "Woo!" It didn't take long for you to get pretty drunk. You were dancing with some random people, some people were feeling you up, but you didn't care. It was probably midnight by now, you were exhausted but you kept going. You didn't notice the calls and texts you were getting from Carol and Bucky, but you probably wouldn't have answered them anyway. You could barely stand or walk properly at this point, but you liked the feeling of not thinking about anything.

You soon felt a breath on your neck and your own breath hitched, but you didn't realize it was a man. When you felt the scruff of a beard, you tried pushing him away, but he pulled you in by the waist. You whimpered as he gripped you tightly and was biting on your neck. "Let me go," you managed to say, but the man didn't listen. Tears streamed down your face, the unwanted touch persisted and no one seemed to notice.

"Quill! You got a girl? Bring her here and share her with me!" you heard someone yell which seemed directed towards the man on you since he stopped. "No, she's feisty, she might get away!" he shot back. You stomped his foot causing him to let go and you stumbled your way through the crowd to the bartender to help you, but someone else grabbed onto you.

"You're right, Quill, she is feisty," the guy who shouted earlier grimaced as you squirmed in his arms. "Hey, I think I know her! She's the dyke!" he continued laughing at what he said. "It's okay, darling, we can fix that for you," he breathed into your ear.

Wanda and Darcy walked into the bar to help cheer Wanda up since you never responded to her text from earlier. "It's okay, Wanda, maybe she's catching up on schoolwork," Darcy reassured her. "Yeah maybe," Wanda mumbled. Soon, Wanda got a call from Carol. "Wanda! Darcy told me you guys went to the Raft, can you check if y/n is there? She left over four hours ago and she hasn't responded to me or Bucky. I went to the Gauntlet, but I don't see her here and it'll take me 30 minutes to get to there since I have to walk," Carol rambled, her voice trembling with worry.

"Yeah, of course," Wanda replied. "I'll let you know if I find her." Wanda proceeded to explain to Darcy the situation and the girls began to scour the place for you. They didn't notice, however, that you were being pulled to the exit of the bar by two guys, fighting to break their hold on you. You sobbed, you caved in and stopped fighting against their grip because there was no use. You shamed yourself for getting into this mess, you should've gone to Wanda and told her you wanted to try. Oh, Wanda. She's probably upset that you never responded to her.

The cool air outside wafted your face, making it harder to breathe. "Fuck there's a cop," Quill murmured. "Vis, let's stop, this is too risky. Let's just leave her here." The grasp on your left side was dropped, but the right was still holding on. "You're such a bore, Quill. We can just say she's a friend," Vis protested.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing with her!" Darcy yelled. She ran towards you, Wanda closely trailing behind. Quill made a run for it while Vis held you up to prevent you from slipping down to the ground since you could barely stand on your own. "Well, this is my girlfriend you see. She drank too much tonight so I was taking her home," Vis lied not knowing these girls knew you.

"You fucking creep, let her go, or else I'm gonna go get that cop over here and things will go down south very quickly," Darcy seethed. Vis scoffed before letting you go and you fell to the ground, your head taking some impact. Vis darted in the direction of Quill went and left you.

Wanda and Darcy rushed towards you to help you up, but you groaned unaware of what was going on. Wanda called Carol to tell her that they found you. Carol came quickly, sprinting multiple blocks to help you. They decided they needed to take you to the ER to make sure your head was okay. They found your car keys in your pocket and brought you to your car. They laid on the back seat, your head resting on Wanda's lap while Darcy drove your car and Carol was in the passenger seat. Wanda was crying, she was petrified of what would've happened if she and Darcy didn't find you in time. Her hand caressed your face as you were blacked out from the booze.

The doctors at the hospital said you were in the clear and that you had no major head injury. They all soon took you back to your dorm, Wanda and Darcy decided to stay to help Carol. As soon as they brought you onto the floor where your room was, you could feel the puke coming up. They rushed you into the bathroom. Carol held you up while Wanda held your hair back as you puked your insides out, much of it getting on your own clothes. When you stopped vomiting, you were completely knocked out from exhaustion and the alcohol.

They helped you get out of your clothes into pajamas and into your bed. There was already light bruising around your waist from where the men gripped you tightly, which angered the three of them. Wanda stood by your bed, watching as you were out cold, sleeping soundly. The red bite mark on your neck taunted her. Darcy and Carol encouraged her to lie with you, but she didn't want to without your consent. They assured her that it'd be okay, so she gently pushed you to the side so that your back was pressed up to the wall and she lied down facing you. Darcy said she was going to go back to her dorm because she needed to finish up some work, but told Carol to call her if she needed help or when you woke up. Darcy also filed a report to the campus police, she got lucky that there was a street camera that caught the whole ordeal and they were already on it to identify the guys.

Carol turned out the light and crawled into her own bed. She texted Bucky that you were okay before turning over to sleep. Wanda stared at you as you slept, your chest rising and falling as you were lightly snoring. She put her arm around your waist before drifting off to sleep as well.

In the morning, the first thing felt was the pounding headache you had. Then you felt an arm around your waist and a head nuzzled into your neck. You felt yourself to see if you had any clothes on, which you did. And then you recognized who it was that was holding you and you squirmed, but you were already pressed up against the wall since it was a twin bed after all.

You sighed, you didn't want to wake her up because she looked so at peace, but right now you needed some water and Advil. You slowly removed her arm around your waist and slowly got up so that her head didn't feel the absence of the warmth of your body. You gently stepped over her and your foot met the ground steadily. Carol was still sleeping as well, which you found to be very alarming since she never missed her morning run. You chugged an entire bottle of water and then left the room with your toothbrush to go to the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror and saw a hickey on your neck and your face turned red. You assumed it was Wanda's doing, so you were pretty appalled, but you continued on brushing your teeth and headed back.

When you arrived, both Wanda and Carol were awake talking to each other from across the room. They turned their heads once you walked in, making them end their conversation. "How are you feeling?" Wanda asked with a worrisome tone. "Uh, just hungover. Can someone explain to me what happened last night?"

"Do you remember anything at all?" Carol questioned. "Do you think I would've asked if I remembered something?" you said with irritation. You still remembered your argument with Carol, but you remembered nothing once you arrived at the bar.

Carol proceeded to explain to you what happened while you remained standing in front of the door. Wanda watched as your expression changed from annoyed to anxious. Tears welled in your eyes as your brought your hand up to wear the hickey was and you shuddered. You were breathing heavily and soon began to hyperventilate at the thought. The memories came in broken pieces. You vaguely remembered them touching you, his breath on your skin making your stomach churn, and you screaming to no avail. Wanda rushed to your side and asked if she could hold you, but you could barely hear her. It sounded like you were underwater. She held you anyways and told you to breathe, her soothing voice eventually caught your attention and you listened.

You soon calmed down, and the two girls sat you on your bed as you collected yourself. Bucky knocked on the door and entered. He was startled to see Wanda hugging you, but he knew now wasn't the time to make a scene about that. Wanda let go when she saw him coming over to console you. He embraced you tightly as you sobbed in his arms. He was like an older brother to you, the two of you cared for each other deeply and he had been beating himself up for the last twelve hours for not protecting you. Carol told him to come in the morning because he had spent the entire day with his therapist yesterday only leaving his office at midnight.

You stopped crying after a little bit and everyone sat down on the ground in silence. Bucky was the first to speak up. "I talked to my therapist yesterday and she helped me to compose my feelings and she told me that I needed to air them out to you guys. First, I want to apologize to you, Wanda," Bucky's eyes met Wanda's, and gave her a sincere look. "I reacted terribly when you came out to me. It's because... because I think I'm bisexual as well," he confessed which earned him surprised looks from everyone. "I had always thought a person was gay or straight, no in-between. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with homosexuality, but I for some reason believed you could only be one or the other. When Wanda told me she was bi, I didn't understand. I just assumed that she never loved me, that this meant that she liked women more than me. Anyways, I blew it with you. I don't think I can forgive myself for how I treated you and I understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore," Bucky looked away from Wanda and pulled at his sleeves.

"If we're all apologizing, then I think I should as well," Wanda began. "Bucky, I love you, but I think after a few months since we got together that it was more of platonic love. I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. After what happened with you and Nat, I was terrified. I want you to understand that I do love you. I trusted you enough to come out to you, and well I forgive you for that. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Wanda reached her hand over to Bucky's and he sighed. "It's okay, I think I knew," he admitted. Wanda furrowed her eyebrows.

"The way you would always look at y/n from across a room would always confuse me. She obviously didn't really like you and she made it no secret, but you would still always turned your attention towards her whenever you were in the same vicinity, and I took notice of that. I never really understood why y/n hated you because, to be honest, I think you guys are extremely compatible. I finally fit the puzzle pieces together when you came out to me. I realized your love for me wasn't the same as the love I felt for you. And I realized you wanted her," Bucky confessed. You began to cough after hearing his words, there was an awkwardness in the air that lingered. Wanda was shocked, to say the least. She was baffled that Bucky said all of that without yelling, instead he was calm and collected.

"Could I get the number of your therapist?" Carol joked finally breaking the silence. Everyone laughed and he nodded yes. "Speaking of therapists, I actually have another appointment with her soon, so I'm going to get going," he stood up as did everyone else. You hugged him tightly once again, "I'm proud of you, Buck," you praised him while holding the embrace. Wanda was next to embrace him, "I'll always love you, Bucky," she told him, her voice breaking. "I will, too," he said back. He then whispered into her ear, "Treat her well because she's a keeper." Wanda's face turned red as he patted her on the back and gave a quick hug to Carol before leaving.

Carol decided she was going to go on a run since she missed the one from this morning, leaving you and Wanda alone in the dorm.

"So..." you said. You both were sitting on your bed next to each other. Wanda turned her body to face you and you both locked eyes. She brought her hands up to cup your cheeks and you could feel butterflies in your stomach. The headache you woke up with was practically gone just by her touch.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked. You answered by leaning in and gently locking your lips with hers. Her lips were soft. It started slow, you put your hands around her waist as she moved hers off of your face to around your neck. The lips danced together, a slow waltz with your leading and she followed. Your breaths were synchronized almost as if it was out of habit. You were soon out of breath, so you pulled away and rested your foreheads together.

"How long have you been thinking about doing that?" you asked her in-between breaths and smiling. "Ever since I first met you," she admitted and leaned back in to kiss you again. You pulled away which left Wanda with a frown. "Is there something wrong?" she questioned before realizing the events of last night and you were probably not ready. She let go of you and stood up and scratched the back of her neck.

"I'm so sorry, I got carried away and I forgot everything about last night. I should go," she began to walk away before you grabbed her hand. "No, don't leave. It's not that, I just want to take this slow. I want to get to know you, Wands. I want to be madly in love with you," you professed. Wanda smiled and sat back down. She kissed your cheek and gave you a hug. "Of course. I'm starving, let's go get some breakfast," she suggested. You laughed and got up to get ready excited for what your future with Wanda will hold.

(Beginning of Chapter 2)

Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't been on a date with a girl in over a year or it was the fact that this girl was someone you hated for a solid year, but you were nervous, to say the least. Maybe there was a correlation between the two that you never realized. Yes, Wanda called breakfast a "date," but who goes to breakfast on a date? She does, you supposed. Well, what does one wear on a breakfast date? Wanda did not provide any kind of specifications, all she told you was that she would meet you at the Kree diner at 10:30 am.

You took this time to shower as well because the stench of booze and puke reeked from your body, you were surprised Wanda could bear it herself when she kissed you. You began to smile thinking of her soft lips on yours, but you were thrown out of your daydream when Carol entered back into the room from her jog.

"What's with the giddy grin?" she teased but genuinely curious. She then had a sudden epiphany, "Oh my god! Did you to fuck?!" she exclaimed with excitement. Your stupid grin was replaced with a gawked expression completely dumbfounded by her question.

"NO!" you immediately denied. "We kissed, but that's it," your face blushed red when Carol smirked. "I just assumed because I felt a lot of sexual tension after Bucky's little spiel, why do you think I went on a run?" she said giving a suggestive look, but you rolled your eyes. "You're so horny, my god. You really need to blow some steam with Maria instead of running," you mocked and grabbed your things to take a shower as quickly as possible before Carol could grab you for saying that. You snickered running down the hall to the bathroom and you could hear Carol laughing from the entrance to your room.

The warm water was soothing, the dirtiness you felt from the previous night washed away with the soap suds down the drain. You pondered on what to wear during your shower, but then the shower thoughts went from putting on clothes for Wanda to taking off clothes on Wanda. You shook your head. "Take it slow and fall in love with her first," you murmured to yourself as you dried yourself off and slipped into a robe.

In the shower, you decided on wearing your light green corduroy pants, a white sweater, and your Dad's jean jacket you kept after he passed away from cancer a few years ago. It was a tough time for you because you wanted to stay strong for Bucky since that's when he hit his rough spot, so you kept your pain hidden from everyone. Everyone thought you seemed okay after his passing because you hid it so well, but you locked it up in your bottle of emotions you'd deal with one day in the future. It took you a while to actually be okay with holding the jacket in your hands without crying let alone putting it on, but now when you wear it, you imagine your dad embracing you. As you slipped into the jacket, you remembered the time when you first came out to him when you were in eighth grade. You were afraid of how he would react, but he pulled you into a hug and said he couldn't wait to walk you down in the aisle to his future daughter-in-law. You began to tear up at the thought, but you calmed yourself down.

Carol re-entered the dorm room after showering in a green t-shirt and shorts, her hair was up in a towel while you were all ready to go. "Wow look at you looking all spiffy. Wanda is for sure gonna tap that ass," she winked while your grumbled marching up to the door. "Hey, hold on," Carol called out. You stopped in your tracks and saw Carol smiling at you. "I'm so happy for you and I hope the two of you have an amazing time," she said genuinely. You gave her a hug and thanked her and you went out to your car.

Wanda wanted you to make you fall madly in love with her just as you said, but she wanted to do it slowly. She wore her favorite white dress that was more casual than formal and a cartwheel hat that had a black ribbon around it. ( A visual as to what she's wearing :) )

She left early so that she had enough time to walk there without breaking a sweat. You pulled into the diner's parking lot just as she crossed the street and she waited for you to get out of the car to head inside.

"You look so beautiful, I love your hat," you complimented earning a toothy smile from Wanda. She told you that she loved your pants and that you looked very adorable. The two of you sat across from each other in a booth. You both silently looked through the menu, but you already knew that you were in the mood for Belgian waffles with fried chicken. You scanned your eyes through the menu to pass time by so that you didn't have to awkwardly wait until Wanda was done.

"What are you thinking of getting?" she asked you not looking away from the menu. "I was thinking chicken with Belgian waffles and home fries. Oh, and a nice glass of fresh orange juice," you answered. "Pulp or no pulp?" she looked up at you to read your expression, which caught you off guard because you didn't want to answer incorrectly. "No pulp?" you guessed. "Is that an answer or a guess?" she raised her eyebrow. "No pulp," you said with more confidence. "Correct answer," she smiled.

"So, what did you want to get?" you asked her this time. "Maybe chocolate pancakes with strawberry and whipped cream with a side of bacon and scrambled eggs, I'll steal some of your home fries," she smirked. "Hey! No sharing, order your own," you retorted jokingly. "Fine, but maybe I'll get hashbrowns actually," she decided. "No drink?" you asked. "Oh right! Hmm, maybe a cappuccino," she concluded.

A waiter came by to take your menus. "I overheard you guys taking each other's orders so I figured I should just write them down myself," he chuckled. "Did you guys want to add anything else to that?" he followed up. You and Wanda smiled at the guy, he looked to be in high school still, probably no older than 17. "I just wanted to make sure we'd get ketchup and maple syrup on the side," you answered he nodded. "We're all good then," Wanda smiled.

The kid strolled off, his face had a proud expression as he felt like he had done a great service. You and Wanda looked back at each other, staring intently into your eyes.

"Tell me about your family," you said to break the silence. Wanda tilted her head to think of where to begin. "I'm from Sokovia, my twin brother, Pietro, and I grew up there until we were four years old. My dad landed a job in D.C. at the Sokovian embassy, so the four of us moved to America. I grew up watching a lot of sitcoms so that I could pick up English, and they helped quite a bit. My family and I loved watching Full House and Family Ties together in the morning. I grew up in Maryland, graduated high school around the top of the class, pretty sure I was in the top 20 out of like 500. I was in the Model UN, did track and volleyball. I have a pet dog named Scarlet because he's an Irish Setter and they're pretty red. What else do you wanna know?" she asked, her head still tilted.

"Whatever you want me to know," you responded with a smile. Wanda continued talking about how it was like living in Maryland, her friends, her school life, how annoying her brother was, but you mainly focused on how she would scrunch her nose when she was passionate when talking about something and would bite her lip and look up at the ceiling when trying to remember something. The time passed by quickly and your food was ready in no time.

A comfortable silence washed over the two of you as you ate your food. You saw Wanda side-eyeing your home fries, so you pushed the plate towards her offering some to her. She smiled and scooped a forkful of the crispy potatoes while you snagged one of her hashbrowns that she had yet to touch. When you put it into your mouth, you didn't realize it was still scorching hot inside. You spit it out and quickly took a swig of your orange juice to cool off your now burnt tongue. Wanda had a look of concern before she giggled at the turn of events.

"Now I see why you were holding off on your hashbrowns," you grumbled as you pulled back your plate. "I've eaten here enough to know to wait," she retorted with a smirk. "Are you okay though?" she asked with slight worry. "I'm alright, my tongue will be just fine," you answered with a wink which made Wanda blush.

"How are we doing here, ladies?" the waiter came back and asked. "I'd say we're doing alright, isn't that right, Wanda?" you turned towards Wanda who's face was still red and she nodded. "That's great to hear! If you need anything just give me a holler!" he replied and walked off.

"So, you said this was a date," you began, and Wanda nodded, "yes, I did say that." "Did you have any other plans for when we're done eating?" you asked as you finished your last bite of waffle and wiped your face. "I was thinking we could walk around the waterfront, talk, maybe go to a museum," she responded and finished her hashbrowns. "That sounds nice, let me call over the waiter so we can pay," you said getting up to go find him.

You stood up and could see him over by the counter and you waved at him to come over. He rushed over to you and Wanda, "Could we get the check?" you told him. "Did you and your girlfriend want to pay together or separate?" he asked and you and Wanda both looked at each other. "We uh- we aren't," you stuttered, but Wanda answered for you "We can pay together." He gave a thumbs up and went to go bring your check while you slowly sat back down.

"Did you... wanna..." you blubbered making Wanda laugh by your awkwardness. "If you say we're girlfriends then that's fine by me," she said nonchalantly making the butterflies in your stomach flutter. "I mean, I don't mind..." you said as a smile widened across your face. The waiter came back and you insisted on paying and Wanda begrudgingly let you after multiple attempts at trying to snag the checkbook from your hands, but you stuck your credit card in first. You both then got up and began to walk outside with no particular place in mind to go to.

"You tell me about your life," Wanda insisted as the two of you walked towards the waterfront. You collected your thoughts before you began speaking. "I grew up in Edison, New Jersey with my family. I have an older sister and older brother who are both married. My sister and her husband live in Massachusetts while my brother and his family live in Virginia. My mom lives by herself in New Jersey, but I try to go down whenever I can or when she needs me," you explained.

Wanda took notice that you didn't speak about your father, but she didn't want to pry. "My dad, he um, he passed a few years ago. Prostate cancer. We didn't find out until it was in a late stage, so there was nothing we could do. He was my best friend. I came out to him first and he accepted me," you sniffled, tears welled up in your eyes. Wanda grabbed your hand and held it tightly. She brought it up to her face and kissed it gently.

"I miss him. God, I miss him so much," you choked back a sob and Wanda pulled you into her arms in the middle of the empty sidewalk. She rubbed your back as your tears drenched her dress, but she couldn't care less. "I'm sorry," you whispered into her neck. "There's nothing to be sorry about, it's never wrong to grieve. I'll always be here for you, love," she cooed into your ear.

You slowly pulled back and Wanda held your face in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe away your tears. She then leaned in and planted a soft kiss on your forehead. "Let's go sit on a bench at the waterfront," she suggested. The two of you began walking again and didn't speak, but you had the urge to hold her hand. You lightly brushed your left hand against her right hand and she got the memo, so she interlaced her fingers in yours.

"Tell me more about him, if you're comfortable," she requested as you neared a bench that allowed for a beautiful view of the water. "He was such a diva, my god. His sarcasm was through the roof, which would always irritate my mom, but it would make the rest of us laugh. For Mother's Day, instead of making breakfast in bed, he would spend the entire morning baking a cake because he didn't want to buy a store bought one. There was one year he accidentally mixed up the salt and sugar, it was so awful. Even though he was a real goof, he was still an amazing dad. He came to all of my games and band competitions. He would always cheer the loudest in the crowd. When I came out to him, I was afraid of how he would react. I thought he was going to disown me, that I was going to lose my favorite person, but he didn't. He took me in with open arms. He would've loved you," you turned your head away from the water and back at Wanda who was watching you the entire time.

"I wish I could have met him," she sighed and leaned in to give you a hug. A cold gust of wind blew at the two of you, making Wanda chatter her teeth. You proceeded to take off your jacket and give it to Wanda to wear. "Here wear this, I'm wearing a sweater so I'll be okay," you insisted and she accepted. In your head, you said, "Dad meet Wanda, Wanda, meet my dad," and you smiled as Wanda was bundled up in your dad's jean jacket.

6 months later:

It has been six months since you and Wanda went on your first date. It was now July and you thought about getting your own apartment as Bucky did with Steve and Sam, but you wanted to ask Wanda to move in with you. You've been bringing Wanda with you in your apartment touring and getting her opinions; you secretly put a deposit in for one you both loved. It was a one-bedroom with a beautiful kitchen and bathroom, but the best part was the balcony that overlooked the waterfront you two first sat at.

You decided to surprise her after your weekly breakfast at the diner and take the same walk to the waterfront you two would take, but after that, you would bring her to the apartment. Carol and Darcy thought it was a great plan and the two of them hyped you up. You were nervous about Wanda saying no, but you tried to keep your hopes up and brush the negativity aside.

You picked Wanda up in your car and drove to the diner. You placed your hand on her thigh as you drove and she put her hand over yours. She was wearing a black tank top and jean shorts while you wore a white t-shirt and light blue beach shorts. The stereo was playing Save Yourself by your guys' favorite band, Milo Greene.

When you arrived, your favorite waiter, Peter, was there with your table all set. "The usual I'm assuming," he laughed. "Actually, I think I'll get eggs benedict, trying to spice things up. With home fries of course and orange juice," you replied. "I'd like my usual," Wanda confirmed while Peter mentally noted in his head. Wanda raised her eyebrows, "spice things up, hmm?" she mocked. "Well, I'm almost at a new stage of life, about to get my new apartment, might as well try something new here, too," you said as if you were enlightened with much wisdom which Wanda found adorable.

"Okay, when'd you become so self-aware all of a sudden?" she questioned taking a sip of her cappuccino Peter brought during your conversation. "What are you talking about? I've always been like this, love," you said with much sarcasm. "You inherited so much of your dad's sarcasm," she rolled her eyes and chuckled. "You bet I did," you flicked your hair back gracefully and sighed like a diva while Wanda kicked you under the table.

After the two of you ate, you said goodbye to Peter and made your way to the waterfront. You and Wanda were arm in arm and she was pointing out all of the beautiful flowers that were planted along the sidewalk. You saw a beautiful pink tulip and picked it to give to Wanda. She smiled and gave you a kiss on the cheek as gratitude and continued on your stroll.

When you got to the waterfront, the two of you noticed Bucky and Steve staring intently into each other's eyes before leaning in for a kiss. You and Wanda exchanged a look and stopped in your tracks to stay out of sight to not ruin their moment. Once they pulled away, they shared an embrace, so then you and Wanda walked up to them to greet them.

"Hey, guys! How are you doing?" you asked with a big grin, catching Steve and Bucky off guard and they pulled away from their hug. "Oh, uh- we're good!" Bucky stuttered as he scratched the back of his neck, the two of them blushed. "Yeah we saw you guys, but you two are so adorable! I'm very happy for you two," Wanda exclaimed as he pulled Bucky into a hug and you hugged Steve. "Thanks, we're not ready to tell everyone else yet, so if you could keep this to yourselves for now," Steve said nervously. You and Wanda nodded.

"We have to go meet up with Sam, so we're gonna go head out now, but maybe we can have a double date in the future?" Bucky suggested. "Yes, that sounds great, Buck," you smiled and hugged him. "We'll see you around," Steve said as he held Bucky's hand and walked off the way you and Wanda came.

You and Wanda faced each other and laughed. "Was not expecting that at all," you giggled as you brought your foreheads together. "Neither was I, but I'm really happy for them," Wanda said and scrunched her nose. "Me too," you agreed and leaned in further to kiss her. You then pulled away, "I have a surprise for you," you whispered. "Oh really? What is it?" she asked curiously. "Well it's a surprise, love," you then pulled out a blindfold and put it over her eyes. "Kinky," she smirked. "Oh shut up, we haven't even had sex yet and you're already jumping to kinks," you joked.

You slowly walked Wanda to the apartment building and helped her up the three flights of stairs. "God, how many more stairs are there?" she complained getting out of breath. "Well there's an elevator, but I wanted the journey to be as memorable as possible," you snickered earning a light punch on the arm from Wanda. You finally reached the door of the apartment and unlocked the door. You pulled Wanda in and took off her blindfold.

"Oh my god! You got this one?!" she squealed and ran to the balcony to look at the view of the waterfront. "I did. For us. If you want to move in with me," you trailed off and bit your lip. You remained standing at the center of the apartment, and Wanda whipped back around and ran to you. She jumped up and hugged you while you held on to her legs and spun her around. "Of course, I would love to," she gushed. She got down and leaned in to give you a passionate kiss.

Her hands were around your neck, but began to travel down your body and rubbed your sides while your hands were on her waist. The kiss deepened, your tongues clashed together, dancing again like they always did. She pulled away for a second, your breaths were heavy as were hers. "Do you happen to have some kind of furniture in here yet?" she asked, lust in her eyes. "The previous guy left his bed and I put on sheets just in case we-," just as you said those words, Wanda began dragging you to the bedroom.

“Guess we can go test out those kinks then,” you laughed as she pushed you onto the bed already moving to take off your shirt. Wanda then leaned forward making it seem like she was going to kiss you on your lips, but instead she bit your ear. 

“Just you wait, I’ll have succeeded in making you madly fall in love with me by the time I’m through with you,” she whispered seductively into your ear. 

You didn't need to wait. You had already fallen in love with her the day she said she would have loved to meet your dad, but what fun would that have been?

[hacash]

the two season 3 speculation theories related to journalism that I’ve seen and am intrigued by are ‘player being outed by Rupert, team bands together to block the story and support him’ and ‘Nate redeems himself by working with Trent Crimm to run an expose on what a shit individual Rupert is, even if it’ll endanger his own career at West Ham’

and so I would love to propose a combination of the two: ‘Rupert tries to out a Richmond player, Nate gets wind of this and gets the press to bury the story by providing even juicier story: aforementioned expose of Rupert’s shit management of West Ham’

because I love any variation on the theme of ‘good leadership isn’t about power over people but about the responsibility of looking after them’ (and honestly, that’s something Nate needs to learn: because I think he’d make a very good & protective leader once he learns it)

plus because I love them narrative parallels: I like the idea of this linking back to Nate’s hero Roy during his own ‘reluctant leadership’ moment in stopping the bullying of Nate. Roy was reluctant to get involved because he’d become unmotivated and disenchanted with the idea of being part of a team as a whole. I want Nate to do that thing you sometimes see redeemed villains do when they have the choice not to do the right thing, to turn away and have an easy life and keep all their ill-gotten gains and not care, and they’re so fucking fucked off because they already know that they’re instead going to do the right thing and are so pissed off about it...

(Nate would be fuming about the fact that he still cares enough about this stupid band of stupid footballers that he’s willing to tank his own career to look after them, because they might be a band of annoying pricks but none of them deserve that. 

bonus points if it’s Colin he sticks his neck out for. the sheer amount of annoyance would be unparalleled.)

[starlightrows]

Welcome back to Krax (re)Watches. Tonight I’m watching the first episode of The Bad Batch and giving my unfiltered thoughts. I don’t remember shit from watching this the first time

Episode 1 — Aftermath

I forgot about the red clone wars logo!!!

Grey temples Obi Wan appearance, 😌

Baby Kanan!!!! Caleb!!!!

That was a fun entrance

Wrecker being able to push a 1000 pound tank is wildly impressive

The droid saying “I guess I’m in charge now” and then immediately getting shot is such a mood

Sledding

Green armor is a great look

Tech not even looking up from his computer… rude ass iPad kid

Master Bilabba… my beloved

Having to relive Order 66 again… ouchie

This snowy forest is honestly really pretty

Crosshair shooting first has cop vibes, nasty

Can you imagine? Caleb just fuckin ices Crosshair? Show would have such a different vibe

Hunter instantly lying about Caleb jumping to his death has major dad vibes

Crosshair you nosy ass bitch

Master Shaak Ti 😭

Messy ass men’s dorm room

Crosshair is like an annoying coworker. Passive aggressive. Low key a narc.

LULA!

“And MY exceptional mind” pretentious

“You are more machine than man, percentagewise” ableist

How has no one ever seen Omega before?

The clones cheering for the emporer’s speech has such an uncomfortable thing to watch

Oh-Me-Gah.

She sounds Australian

Hunter dad squats down to talk to her

Tarkin has nazi pants

Can you imagine being a fuckin 10 year old and going to hang out with a bunch of 20 something year old soldiers

SOUP clone

Crosshair thinks he’s too good for a food fight… loser

Echo’s PTSD makes me sad

“Turned into that” referring to Echo’s prosthetics… why do people like this guy?

Fucking hell I just realized the first episode is over and hour long…

“For which you will be fairly compensated” — viewing the clones as merchandise is disgusting

Tube Babies!!!

5 is all that remain… Echo is a regular clone… she’s talking about Omega

Crosshair filed a report stating Kanan lived. Snitch.

I fully forgot about Saw being in this

Tech believe propaganda

If you love the emperor so much, why don’t ya marry him Crosshair

Tech just casually stating Omega’s an enhanced clone

Crosshair litters

I really love the idea that troopers have little family pictures

The Corrie guard got sent back to Kamino and immediately started acting like top dog

Body glove scene

Omega creating sympathy for Crosshair makes sense in a narrative way, I guess… but I just do not like him.

Tarkin is crusty as fuck

Why did they let Tech keep his nerd goggles?

Still undecided on if Wrecker has a false eye or a white eye?

Lol they’re running around in their undies

My desire for a Lula plushie has been renewed

Take a shot every time Crosshair says the word “orders” take two every time someone else says it

Finish your drink every time Crosshair litters by spitting his toothpicks

I forgot how little resolution we get about the Kaminoans intentions

I remember watching this the first time and being a big Wrecker girl, and I still am sort of, but honestly none of them really do it for me anymore 😅 I’ve spent too long thirsting after Boba and Wolffe

Final Notes:

Unwhitewash The Bad Batch, others have more and better things to say on this topic but it must be stated if I’m going to make a post about this show at all.

I forgot literally everything about this show, and part of the reason why is because I didn’t like it that much 😅

Still gonna watch the rest and season 2 though

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made.  I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years.  We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends.  It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media.  I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs!  When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’  We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her.  I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones.  Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it?  You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable.  Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was.  What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her.  Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible).  Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative.  I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).  

Really, RivkaT?  A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy.  I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either.  It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued.  I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does.   Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic.  Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.”  And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)

[your-localfriendandboy]

Hey y’all get ready I’m about to write a whole thing about why I love barbarians and y’all are gonna deal with it.

So like mechanically I love barbarians because I love playing tanks in rpgs to begin with. The high armor, massive hp pool and simple game mechanics means that I can just charge in an do my job even if I can’t big brain strategize on the spot and even if I don’t have the aim and reflexes of a sharpshooter. I pick the biggest threat and hit it till it stops moving. Simple and fun. Narratively Barbarians are usually given the role of “stupid beef man who only know fight and can’t read beyond a third grade level”. Like I love Grog but he’s treated as the standard of what every Barbarian should be. I, on the other hand, see Barbarians as having a large well of untapped story potential.

At their core Barbarians are characters who are driven by strong emotion. The ability itself is called rage but the emotion at the core of your Barbarian doesn’t have to be anger. Grogs Rage was more like a battle frenzy, a feral exaltation of the joy that Grog takes in violence. Yasha’s rage is more an expression of grief and pain and a desire to protect her family. But rage can be any number of things. You could have a barbarian driven completely by passionate love who has hearts in their eyes and a great axe in their hand. You could have a barbarian who’s rage mode is triggered by fear and they’re essentially having a huge panic attack. You can play with how your barbarian feels about their rage. One of my Barbarians is a robot who’s lost his memory and is essentially a giant toddler. His rage is flavored as his old programming taking over and turning him into a singleminded killing machine. He hates his rage and is terrified of the thing he becomes under it’s influence. Another barbarian might find joy in embracing their rage such as a concept I had of a zealot barbarian serving Dionysus and seeing the rage as a ritualistic madness and a way of communing with their god. You could have a character who rages like real world berserkers by ingesting herbs that drive them into a battle madness. The Hulk is the literally personification of Bruce Banners rage and negative emotions which he repressed after his dad killed his mom and now that imaginary friend can take over his body and wreck house. The possibilities are endless and fun and not just “me angry and hit thing hard”

Playing a barbarian hero is interesting for several reasons. It asks you questions about your opinions on violence and anger as well as what makes a person “civilized” as well as whether being “civilized” is even something to aspire to in the first place. It helps you come to terms with you’re own strong emotions. Barbarians are the enemies of repression. They usually are either completely not repressed to start, or learn to make peace with their emotions rather than fighting them over time. I also am always a fan of the gentle giant character who has the power to slaughter armies but instead chooses to make flower crowns and be the designated giver of hugs.

Personally though, I love barbarians because they are simple enough to cut through all the bullshit that “smart” and “civilized” people have put up to help themselves justify not doing the right thing. Barbarians don’t deal in “the big picture”, “acceptable losses”, or “Necessary evils”. Barbarians don’t agonize over the philosophical minutia of “what does good mean?” And never actually get around to doing anything. When the world tries to tell them that evil is unstoppable or worse necessary they say “ACTUALLY NO IT’S NOT! FUCK YOU! IM GOING TO SAVE EVERYONE AND THEN SHOVE A GREATSWORD DOWN THAT LYING THROAT OF YOURS”. They are a wild card that breaks through the systems that hold evil in place. They never accept that the fight is lost. They run towards danger with a smile on their face and a fire in their heart.

“Rage. Rage against the dying of the light!”

They are exactly the kind of courageous, confident, kind people that I wish I could be. I don’t have the confidence to be. I am often too scared to take a stand for what I believe in. I’m terrified of making the wrong choice and accidentally hurting people. This makes me passive more than I care to admit. There are angry men in my life and I don’t want to be like them. But I know that anger is a part of who I am and is not a wholly bad thing.

I love barbarians because often I ask myself the same thing Travis McElroy once asked: “what if you could cut out all the bullshit and just do good recklessly?”

[platypus-mcslothman]

‘Well, at least we’re not America’ is a common phrase said by most people when political/racism issues or crises occur in UK. A phrase I am coming to discover is telling of how well the propaganda machines in our country work. The UK is wayyy more dysfunctional than America and allow me to detail but the surface level of known issues in our political sphere.

1. U.K. media ecosystem is… corrupt. Seriously, the older I get the more realise how not too dissimilar our media is to North Korea’s, except our media doesn’t work for the state primarily and will turn on it if it benefits them. You can look at how our media recently attacked Boris Johnson and then started pushing out puff pieces when he won a landslide in our local election for perfect proof

We’ve had phone hacking scandals, invasions of privacy, been accused of Nazi like language by the UN, have a state owned media outlet with political leaders heading it, anti-vaccine and now anti-lockdown narratives being pushed forward, think tanks owned by prominent right wing politicians and advisors being treated as unbiased think tanks, and more.

Our media landscape is predominately owned by 5 people. Rupert Murdoch (owner of Fox News) being one of the most prominent and also the closest to government.

The media in the UK is basically an attack dog for politics. It’s often been said no government will ever get into power without Rupert Murdoch on side.

It gets significantly worse when you begin to discover many prominent journalists are friends, god parents, spouses, and family members to our political elite. Heck, Boris Johnson (our Prime Minister) was originally a journalist for the spectator and telegraph (and an appalling one at that).

2. our police are well… corrupt. They’ve been involved in murdering civilians, brutally killing protestors and lying about killing them, feeding lies to the press about officers being hurt by protestors, assaulting journalists, and are involved in numerous conspiracies, and coincidentally were the only public service that didn’t receive defunding during and after thatcher’s era.

The most recent conspiracy involves the media too. A private detective called Daniel Morgan was suspect to have been murdered by two police officers with axes, who were originally investigating the crime, after he started investigating corruption in the police force. This case happened in the 90s and is now resurging after renewed interest. Strangely enough, the case Morgan was investigating later became known as the Phone Hacking scandal in the early 2000s.

Essentially the phone hacking scandal was the reveal that newspapers were hacking phones, wiretapping houses, and paying or blackmailing police officers to give them information about criminal cases. During this scandal it was also revealed newspapers were hiring PIs. More specifically the firm that Morgan worked for and even more specifically the suspected murderers who were fired from the police forces and were hired by Morgan’s old PI firm. You couldn’t make this up.

3. this is gonna be a running theme, but our politicians… corrupt. In a slew of scandals over decades, our politicians have been revealed to spend their work expenses on personal expenses (one politician bought a draw bridge for their manor, and many used them to buy second homes in London before selling them off at a profit during a housing crises), they accept other ‘jobs’ for private businesses (essentially a politician is payed thousands for a couple hours in an ‘advisory’ position), they’ve used tax havens (David Cameron, one of our prior PMs, is the most prominent example), they’ve lobbied after leaving their post (essentially they’re paid a lot of money to push for legislation changes that will profit a company which is quite easy to do when you have political connections, yet again David Cameron is a prominent example), and in the most recent disgusting display I present to you: the ‘my little crony’ model. A model that visually shows you the corruption in our pandemic expenditure.

https://www.sophie-e-hill.com/post/my-little-crony/

During the pandemic, our government bypassed competition laws to directly award contracts for PPE (Personal Protective Equipment), and test and trace. 25% of these contracts at minimum have since been deemed as questionable. They were awarded to businesses owned by politicians, politician’s family members, neighbours, friends, and political donors. Dyson was even revealed to have directly messaged Boris Johnson to change how taxes work so he could provide profitable ventilators when we were desperately short (which is worse when you consider Dyson didn’t deliver a single ventilator despite these changes). That’s not even an isolated story. There is a backlog of stories of strange and not suited businesses not providing PPE, not providing useable PPE, and being payed to make PPE at inflated costs. We’ve had sweet wrapper makers, jewellers, pubs, and a finance company that was only set up weeks before the contract being given these essential jobs in making and delivering PPE. The amount of money spent on these contracts is not yet fully known because documentation hasn’t been published fully, which is unlawful according to our Supreme Court’s findings.

In the pandemic we spent 37 billion on our test and trace app. The app was a failure and still is. It doesn’t contact people, a lot of data was lost because they were using an outdated Excel program to store data (which it didn’t store because Excel is not designed for that amount of data and severely outdated), and a lot people haven’t downloaded it because of trust issues caused by poor communication and initially designing the app to store data in a centralised location instead of in a means where the data can’t be accessed at a later date (as almost every other country did for trust reasons).

Now, 37 billion pounds is a very abstract number. Many don’t fully understand how much money that really is. Well, it could nationalise our entire electric grid in the UK. It’s 10% of the amount needed to end world hunger. It could end our housing crisis in the UK. and it was spent on an app that doesn’t work! Not to mention, the leader of test and trace is now being rumoured to be appointed the head of our national health service…

Heck, our PM was paid by one of his political donors to refurbish his temporary flat in Number 10 (our version of the White House). He spent £200,000 whilst he claimed our entire country didn’t have enough money to feed poor children during the pandemic. And even after he lost two fights with a footballer over the issue (yes, you heard that right), our government contracted a private company that provided inadequate amounts of weekly food. Below isn’t even the worst example.

(Note this a contrast between the amount you could actually buy with money allocated by the government and the amount given by the private companies hired by the government. They took may as well have literally have took candy from a baby.)

Summary: the U.K. is worse than the US exactly because the people of our nation and kingdom don’t see the ridiculousness and corruption that takes place daily and historically.

We’ve had governments spying on trade unions and activists, we’ve had kids being brutalised by police officers because they attended or were thought to have attended a protest, we have a bill that now is trying to ban protest, we have a media ecosystem so disgustingly inadequate they don’t hold government to account, and we have politicians who claim they could live off minuscule amounts provided by the state to the poor and disabled whilst gourging on state paid meals at fancy restaurants where they spend more than that minuscule amount in a couple hours.

There’s so much wrong with my nation and kingdom, I honestly don’t have enough words nor the ability to accurately articulate how disgustingly corrupt it is. We are not the United Kingdom, we are the Corrupt Kingdom. I could go on and fucking on about how unjust, untruthful, and immoral my nation is. I don’t like that, but I also am not going to be patriotic about a nation that kills the poor and disabled by not providing support, allowing a virus to ravage our society by not putting the needs many before the needs of the few, and who claims we can’t spend money on society whilst spending lucrative amounts on idiotic selfish things.

Further reading/references:

(this is my blog, I haven’t posted here in a while)

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Can I just say that Habs “fans” who act like Carey Price’s contract is somehow patient zero of all this team’s problems drive me absolutely fucking insane? Seriously. Buckle up. This is about to be a rant.

Now. First things first. Is it ideal that the $10 million goalie is currently uh, not doing very good? Fucking NO! I am disappointed as shit with that and I don’t like seeing him struggle. I know he can be better. He has to be better. Obviously.

However. That being said.

Do I think it’s an incredibly stupid look to spend several tweets complaining about all the issues Habs defence have been having, and then also griping that they haven’t started Jake Allen enough for how he’s performing, only to then for some inexplicable reason state that the FIRST THING, the first thing that needs to be dealt with after the new coaching staff have had ONE GAME (and zero practices) to work on things, is somehow “well, the ten million dollar man in net is weighing them down, that contract has gotta go!”?

Yes! That’s stupid!!

I think that’s a very ice cold small-brain take, and not just because Price is my favourite of favourites for as long as I’ve been a hockey fan! I have reasons, dammit!! I put THOUGHT into this!!

Here, dear ppl of Habs twitter who will never read this, are some reasons why this narrative you’re concocting is dumb, and why management/coaching are unlikely to think of trying to ditch Price mid-season to fix the current problems:

1: Time. It has been one (1) game under Ducharme. He has been able to run zero (0) full practices on off days with the team. We just changed up a major piece on the Habs chess board — why don’t you give it a minute to see what fresh eyes and minds can do with this roster before you decide we are fucked? This season is fast-moving, sure, but there is time for us to ride out some little bumps here and still make a playoff spot in this Canadian division. Have patience. Do you remember what patience is? Dom is a new head coach, not a wish-granting fairy godmother. Chill. Do you remember chill?

(rest of this under a cut because I actually LIKE Habs Tumblr, and I want to be nice to you all by not making you scroll past all of it if you don’t want to)

2: Jake Allen exists. There are a couple of things I like for what this means for the Habs. Firstly, for basically the first time in his NHL career, we are not in a situation where if Carey Price is in a slump, we have to go “Ah, shit, so now our options are let his stats tank while he tries to get the groove back in net, OR throw whoever the poor backup is out there to get murdered while we plummet through the standings.... 😬” We don’t have that problem right now, because the backup is... actually good? Oh my god, the backup is actually good! Thank fuck! We’re not doomed. If I’m Ducharme, I put Allen in net for a few consecutive starts to put a solid backstop behind all my fun experiments I’m probably planning with the skating roster (to catch their slip-ups, while also giving Carey lots of time and rest with which to work hard on sorting out whatever his issue is along with the goalie coaches).

2b: Jake Allen exists and is competition. Hell, if I’m Ducharme, maybe I even play a little hardball and say “Look, Carey, I don’t want you to be an expensive benchwarmer, but if things don’t pick up soon I am going to start whoever is doing best and you will have to compete for that net.” Related to my last point, when was the last time Carey Price had to push himself to compete for net time against anything other than his own injuries, and wasn’t simply always the default starter? Has that EVER been a thing? Honestly as much as I love the idea of him being The Goalie for the Habs, I also kinda like this idea a lot because I think it could really push him to a higher standard of performance. Maybe that kind of high-pressure situation (given how much he thrives in the pressure-cooker of the playoffs) could be what he NEEDS in order to Be Carey Price again. Worst comes to worst, he doesn’t respond to that challenge, and I am very sad but the Habs have a good goalie in net anyway, because Hallelujah, Jake Allen exists! God, isn’t it nice to have Jake Allen? Bless him.

3: Money. Guys, this league is so broke right now. Seriously. Seriously. Nobody has any fucking money. The Habs probably have more money than most teams, and that does not help when it comes to offloading large contracts. Trades are a NIGHTMARE both because of the flat cap but also because travel is complicated (especially cross-border) but also nobody wants to trade within their division if possible because all your games are against them. Who in the name of fuck do you think is jumping at the idea of taking the $10 million per through 20-lots-and-lots-of-years-from-now contract of a goalie who is currently struggling, impressive past record aside? What kind of astral plane of fantasy hockey are you on to think there’s a trade out there for that within this season. Shut up. And no, don’t bring up the expansion draft, this post is a rebuttal SPECIFICALLY to the people who think that Price and his contract are the biggest problem that needs to be dealt with RIGHT NOW and first on the list of ways to immediately remedy the team’s struggles.

4: Spite. Specifically to piss you off, bud. You personally.

5: Knowing how to troubleshoot properly. Fellas, if my computer is running slowly and freezing up a lot, do I immediately decide the first step to fixing it is to crack open the chassis, remove the hard drive, and try to sell that hard drive to someone to see if I can enough money back to somehow get a better hard drive for less? No, dipshit. That’s not how troubleshooting a complex system works works. It’s the same with hockey teams. Ah, my star goalie is not performing great. This situation is deeply less than ideal. If you’re actually good at troubleshooting, the first thing you do is not “WELL. I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO THROW THE WHOLE GOALIE OUT. HE’S TOAST.” The first thing you do, if you’re a smart coach, is you say “Okay, what are my defence doing in front of him? What are they doing to reduce the amount and quality of our opponents’ scoring chances? Oh. Oh, they’re taking a lot of penalties, and... oh, uh, some of this is very not great. Yikes.” And then you start your work by trying to make the defence actually work instead of running the same Pairs That Everyone Is Very Much Over And Tired Of, because your goalie is actually supposed to be your Last Line of Defence. And maybe during that time you give more starts to Goalie Who Is Absolutely Slaying It, so that when you start trying new D-pairs and they inevitably have some mistakes, it doesn’t immediately turn into an Oh God Holy Fuck moment every time, because that last line of defence backstopping them is solid. The reason you need to deal with defense first is because a) You know you have a reliable goalie (Allen) in your pocket right now if you need him. What you don’t have is a whole-ass proven and tested and practiced Backup D-Core you can swap into the roster in front of your goalies to make their lives easier. Fix your defense and it WILL improve your goalies, even marginally. Defrag the hard drive before you ask why it’s not working. and b) If you need to go looking for any new D-men to solve the issues, those are WAY easier and cheaper to find than top-tier goalies, and you always want to start any troubleshooting process with trying the simplest solutions first to hopefully save time and money. The better that D-core is, the less it fucks your team over if the goalie isn’t feeling themselves, because the D is going to stop more of those pucks before they ever even become the goalie’s problem. FIX. DEFENCE. FIRST. Then try to train your goalie back into top form. THEN explore your other options.

6: The vicious cycle. Guys. We literally do this once every year or second year. EVERY time Carey Price has a slump, this fanbase gets into a tizzy like the Bell Centre is burning down and he was the one with the matches. And what ALWAYS happens literally within the year, every single time? He gets his mojo back like he did last summer in the bubble and goes on a heater and everybody goes “JESUS PRICE!!!! 🙌” and is ready to name their firstborn kid after him. Until eventually that performance becomes unsustainable, and he becomes mortal again, and suddenly he’s The Real Problem With This Franchise once again. I know he’s the guy they chose to build the team around instead of a superstar forward, but oh my god folks. You’d think he was the only player on the team. Guys, I feel like fucking Sisyphus pushing a blue blanc et rouge boulder up Mont Royal once a year with this shit. This man’s entire career has been a constant seesaw narrative between “Carey Price is our saviour!” and “Carey Price should be exiled to Nome!!!!” from parts of this fanbase, I swear. Look, slumps suck, but for once we are actually lucky enough to be in a position where this team, for the first time in YEARS, does not solelylive or die by the inscrutable magical cycles of Carey Price’s goalie powers — because when he has to step back and work to get back into his groove, there is FINALLY a SECOND GUY who is GREAT. Honestly, given that the state of this team for so long has been “they will go as far as Carey Price can take them” and he has put in a pretty fucking decent job of it despite all of the team’s other struggles, I feel like it is owed it to the guy to be like “Okay, well, we have somebody else solid to fill the net right now, and a chance to really figure out our defence and special teams with this new coach. Why don’t you take a step back and work your ass off at trying to get back into the form I know you can still perform at, and we’ll go from there?”

Anyway. Some parts of this fanbase have been waiting for a fresh excuse to claim Price is overrated, washed-up, and to blame for all of this team’s flaws and ills ever since he signed that contract, if not since the start of his NHL career. Just unreal how nasty some of this fanbase is willing to be about a player who is ON. YOUR. TEAM.

Am I saying he is beyond critique of his play and can do no wrong and his contract is perfect? No! I want this team to have the best goaltending it can get, and I want them to kick ass and take names. The difference is, I still believe Carey Price is a part of that winning formula, and I also think Twitter is overflowing with idiots who just repeat what everybody else says. He’s still a better goalie than your ass would be if I stuck you out there to stop shots from Mark Schieffle, for crap’s sake.

“The first thing that has to go is Carey Price’s contract 🤪”. Shut the fuck up. You are actively making other people stupider by talking. Go eat sand. Good day.

[cofferi]

Just some FFXIV thoughts....

To start, here's some boring info about me: I used to play Maple Story, Flyff, and Ragnarok Online, as well as a myriad of other obscure mmos and private servers back in the 2000s. Point is none of these were considered hardcore in the slightest.

So, starting ffxiv after so long kind of hit me like a train. I get to level 15 where I must queue up for my first low level dungeon Sastasha in order to move forward with the story. I don't have friends so I will be grouped up with 3 random strangers. The expected wait time to get in is like 7 mins. I wait about 5 mins and then withdraw from queue.

I have to do stuff with others??? Ummmmmmmmm. I honestly wandered around the map for like half an hour just questioning myself and if I should keep going.

Tank? Healer? DPS?

Coming from games of long ago where you just kinda wanted to have a healer on your team but you had no real obligation to, ffxiv actually recognizes the job roles and specifically requires a party of 1 tank, 1 healer, and 2 dps. You cannot deviate from this! (Well, you can but that's not typical, and later dungeons expand the number of players in a party but the general idea of requiring at least one of each role is still the same). It's interesting to me how this structure has become so sacred. Dungeons cannot be completed without you doing your specific job. It's to promote efficiency and comfort so everyone generally knows what to do as well as what others will do right off the bat.

Visibility AKA "Why are people looking at me"

Oh no. So, if everyone has a job to do that means there is the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known. If you don't do your job, your party members WILL notice lol! And it will be obvious because there will be just 4 of you in the party. It's not hard to see what 3 others are doing. Further, if you're tank/healer, you will be the only one of your job role in your party. If you don’t follow your role, no one else can cover for you. You are very visible. And that's very anxiety-inducing!! You don't want to let the party down. Here are some notable job anxiety narratives:

- Tankxiety. You have to essentially lead your party through a scary maze-like dungeon. Nobody will move unless the tank moves first because the tank needs to be the one to take initial damage and get enemy aggro. You are therefore kind of expected to know your way around and where to go. This is less about competency, though, and more about confidence in yourself. If you get lost, no one tangibly loses anything. You just find the way eventually. Playing tank forces you to learn maps and enemy patterns. As someone who would rather fade away into the background, this scared the shit out of me.

- Healing responsibility. If someone/everyone dies, it's your fault. It's common to feel like this even if your party consists of 3 dumbasses who can't play and kill themselves on purpose. You feel responsibility because the whole point of you is to take care of everyone. That's the reality, and that's a lot of pressure. Playing healer forces you to have 0.1 reaction time, learn enemy patterns, and know how to prioritize who gets to live and who stays dead. People’s lives are on the line. When I was a child, I told my parents straight up I could never be a doctor.

- No real dps bad narratives though except to git gud. You're not as visible at being bad dps unless you literally stand there doing nothing. You can be head empty no thoughts about most maps and enemies as long as you react normally enough.

This game sounds very unforgiving and mean

To combat this anxiety hurdle, there is a huge focus on guiding and taking care of new people who don't know much. You have a literal sprout icon next to your name until you catch up to the latest expansion. So, like 1000+ game hours?? You are overtly "new" for a very long time.

Because the game is so heavily story-driven and requires a new 4-person dungeon run literally every step of the way, these dungeon queues need to have a steady stream of players ready to run them at all times. Otherwise, it would be actually impossible for newbies to get through the story. Not everyone has friends to make a pre-party with, ok cool guy. Majority of dungeon crawling is done with random parties.

So, you get rewards out the ass for running "duty finder" daily which puts you in a random unlocked dungeon with an automatically-generated party of random people. It is the #1 best way to get exp and level up. You are essentially rewarded for helping out new people to do their required dungeons. You can give advice during the run, tell them how best to go about things, give tips on their job, etc.

I find this so smart as a game philosophy in order to get people to constantly play/revisit all content while also being friendly to new people. New people are the lifeblood of a game. You literally cannot just play in a bubble with only top tier savage raider people and shield yourself from new people or incompetency. Not that I'm calling only new people incompetent.

Competency AKA "What am I doing and why am I bad”

The side effect of running these dungeons randomized is that you will often be dropped into one that you completely forgot about. The average person cannot memorize every single one and everything that happens in it. The game came out in 2010 so there is 10+ years of content.

If this game teaches you anything it's that You Will Fuck Up and it will be a lot and until the end of time. You are honestly forced to come face to face with your own incompetency nearly every time you log on lol. In a sense, you try to put on your best performance every time you enter a 20 min dungeon instance and just hope you don't cause a party meltdown.

It won't matter how many times you practice your rotation or how many times you run through the same dungeon over and over. You will inevitably forget something, you will misclick, you will get tunnel vision and forget to move from an aoe and get slammed in the face and die.

But it's fine. I see people dying to dumb shit all the time. It's fine because you get up and try again. Dungeons are not so difficult that you can't get through it on a second try, usually. There are no consequences to dying or performing sub-optimally except your own personal shame, time, and sadness. In fact, there's an exhilaration you get when things get particularly hairy but everyone pulls through by the skin of their teeth and manages to make it out alive.

CONCLUSION: You are important and contribute to the fight in your own way.

Only once you get over the Mortifying Ordeal can you then achieve the Rewards of Being Loved. There is something so satisfying about each successful dungeon run and knowing it is the result of each party member's cumulative contribution. When a role is missing or dies, there is a noticeable difference. (Even dps. Sometimes fights are ones of attrition and will take 5-10x longer without dps).

So, yes, you are extremely visible to other random strangers who may judge you. But that also means that when you do a good job, your good job is visible. 80% of my dungeon runs end in the party thanking each other. The pressure the game puts on you to do your best but not to stress too hard about it is just enough, in my opinion.

You are encouraged to get over yourself, your ego, your own anxiety.

Personally, it is a point of pride for myself if I am able to hit all my buttons right when I'm supposed to. I want to be good for myself and for my random party members who I will ride or die for after just 20 mins. The game wants you to do your best, to be social and communicate when things go awry, and also to be humble in the face of weird shit happening -- all at the right levels. And then you are treated to the coolest damn visuals and game mechanics I've ever experienced!

[something-tofightfor]

Ransom - one

Pairing: Logan Delos x Reader (Ink AU)

Word Count: 7462

Rating: NSFW (Talk of kidnapping, actual kidnapping, language, sex, scheming)

Trigger Warnings: Kidnapping

Author’s Note: This is a direct result of a conversation that I had two weeks ago with @the-blind-assassin-12​. This one got away from me a little but I think you’ll still enjoy it. It’s gonna get kind of dark, but when we get there, you’ll understand why.

Summary: You and Logan head to Westworld to test out a new narrative before it launches to the public - one where Logan gets to play the hero... but will everything go as planned?

“So it’s a… a kidnapping narrative?” He was bent over the tablet on the tabletop, his  eyes moving over the images as fast as he could scroll through them with one long finger. “The Hosts actually abduct the Guests?” 

“Yep.” You were perched next to him on the edge of the table, your bare legs crossed at the knee. “It’s different from the other types of narratives we offer, because with this one, there are actual stakes, Logan.” He glanced up and you smiled at him, shrugging your shoulders. “Still can’t get hurt, not really aside from being scared, or with some bumps and bruises and scrapes, but according to the people here, the ones that designed it? It’s a lot more intense, so not all Guests can participate, you have to be cleared to do it during the intake interview and then they flag you somehow.” He reached over with the hand that wasn’t on the tablet, fingers moving up your leg slowly as he stroked the skin there, his attention torn between what he was looking at and you, and you couldn’t help but grin. “Lucky for me, Logan, I get to…”

 “They’re gonna grab you, tie you up and throw you onto the back of a horse?” He looked up again, his eyes darkening as you nodded. “Gun to your head, or knife to your…” 

 “Mmmmhmm.” You bit down on your lip and put one of your hands on top of his, staring at him. “It’s meant to be a big thing, when they take someone. The narrative builders worked really hard to make it so that even though we’re aware of what the stakes really are and that we can’t lose, we stay immersed in it, no matter how long it takes to be rescued or for us to get away.” And they’re usually pretty good with that, so… “So that’s the narrative I’m going to test, gotta make sure that -”

 “Who’s gonna rescue you?” He was smirking, tongue moving over his lower lip to wet it. “Another new Host? Some random -”

 “Well I’d hoped it would be you, Logan.” You reached out to run your fingers through his hair, shaking your head. “I know you’ve been working hard lately, and you’re looking forward to this trip. What could be better than saving the damsel in distress from the -”

 “You’re the furthest thing there is from a damsel,” Logan replied as he pushed up from the chair he was sitting in, his hand pulling away from your leg and moving to your side, the other one flattening on the table on the other side of your body. “But I can’t wait to shoot those things and see how grateful you are to me for it.” You laughed, leaning and and kissing him slowly, your legs uncrossing so that he could step closer. “How am I supposed to find you?” His breath hot on your cheek, Logan kissed his way toward your ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and pulling back. “And how long am I supposed to wait?” 

 You raised both hands, your fingers skating over the bare skin of his arms and settling over the thin, inked lines on the inside of one of them. “I donno, Logan, it depends on…” He bit down and you hissed, head tilting to the side and Logan’s mouth dropped again, moving over your jaw and then to your neck. He doesn’t wanna talk about this now, he… “You know how this goes, Logan.” You sighed, humming quietly and stroking his arm again, the fingers of your other hand curling around the roots of his hair and tugging. “Delos.” He pulled away slightly at your use of his last name, looking up at you through long lashes. “We’re gonna be sleeping on God only knows what for the next couple days, and as much as I’d like to let you have your way with me on this table... “ He grinned, straightening up and before you knew it, Logan had scooped you into his arms and was carrying you toward the large bed against the far wall of the room you were sharing. A lot had changed between the two of you since he’d opened up to you for the first time in the Mesa suite, but as he tossed you onto the bed, lowering his body onto yours, pressing you down against the mattress, you realized that one thing was still the same. He still makes the most of these beds every time we’re here. 

 --- 

 You woke up the next morning, eager to head down and catch the train with him, but when you opened your eyes, Logan was already out of bed, the light in the bathroom on. Why would he need to… Logan never worried about his appearance on the mornings he caught the train into the park with you, since he’d just be changing into his well loved park attire, but you could hear him in the small room, opening drawers and unzipping his travel case. “Logan?” Climbing out of bed, you stepped carefully into the bathroom, blinking at the brightness. “Why are you -”

 “I can’t ride in with you this morning.” He was dressed in a white shirt, the sleeves undone and rolled up to his elbows, the tails tucked into dress pants. “They just… I have a meeting before…” He curled his lip and you felt your shoulders slump. “I got the email overnight, and just checked it when I woke up, some fucking client is here and wants to meet with me, refuses to talk to anyone else.” Oh. “So I have to do that, and then report back to Juliet, and it’s a thirteen hour difference, so I have to wait.” He huffed, shaking his head. “I won’t be able to take a train in until at least the one at noon, which means that you’ll be a full day ahead of me, and…”

 “Logan.” You reached out to him with both hands, stepping between him and the countertop. “It’s fine. Once I get there, I just have to ride up north toward Python Pass, past the mines. There’s a town there now, and that’s where this all is.” You smiled at him, even though you were disappointed. “There’s more for me to look at and assess before I start with the actual narrative, so I can wait for you, Logan, I -” You shook your head, pushing strands of his damp hair into place as his hands settled on your shoulders, his eyes drawn to the patterns on your skin beneath them. “I’ll need someone to rescue me, anway, so I can’t…”

 “William’s going in with you.” You caught the change in his tone of voice and sucked in a breath. 

 “William? Why? If he’s here, why can’t he -” Logan laughed, looking up and shrugging his shoulders. 

 “No idea. But Juliet said this client was very specific, and they didn’t want to see William, they wanted a Delos, and since I’m here…” You understood; Logan was a hot commodity, and since he was much more stable than he had been in the past, had made a ton of progress and implemented new processes within Delos, people were taking notice. And they should. You were proud of him, but you would have been lying if you said you hadn’t felt a wave of disappointment at learning he wouldn’t be riding in with you. “He’s just going with you, since there has to be someone from the board on the first trip…” Logan shook his head. “It should be me, but I’ll…” He pushed the strap of your tank top down, lowering his head to kiss the curve of you shoulder, right over the lines he’d permanently put on your body. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I know you will, Logan. 

 --- 

 He was seething with anger, staring out the window as the plateaus and desert flew by. That could have been a fucking email, or a phone call or… Logan understood that people wanted to see the face to go along with the name, that they wanted to feel like their investement and involvement with the company weren’t for nothing, but it was frustrating when the people he met with simply wanted to talk - and not about anything new. We could have had the whole day together. Logan shook his head, wondering what you were doing, if you’d reached the new town yet, if you had started your review of the narrative. Wonder what she’s wearing this trip.

 Even though the train ride was short, meaning that he’d get into Sweetwater just as the sun set, and could get on a horse and set out almost immediately, Logan wasn’t happy. The way he felt about you wasn’t new, but it was still unexpected, and each time the two of you went to Westworld or any of the other parks together, the connection between you had strengthened, even more than it did at home in Los Angeles. You’d been a surprise to him from the beginning, and after the night you’d taken him to get his first tattoo - had let him tattoo you - Logan had stopped questioning the way he felt about you, deciding to let things happen as they would. 

 That had been six months ago, and you’d provided Logan with something else to focus on, a distraction from work and from the thing that had nearly consumed his life: finding a way to oust William from Delos, and remove him from Juliet’s life. He was close - he’d found a way to prove that William was manipulating the system, collecting financial data on Guests without the knowledge of anyone at Delos, and even though that wasn’t what Logan truly wanted to remove him for, he knew that taking that angle with the Board was more likely to produce results than trying to find a way to prove that William had simply left him for dead in the middle of the desert. Either way, as long as I can get him out, I’ll… Personal vendetta aside, Logan’s free time was spent gathering and figuring out the best way to present the information while doing everything possible to keep things civil with William so that when he made his move, there was no opportunity for the other man to prepare. 

 But sending you off into the park with William had made Logan uneasy, and without telling you too much - you knew only the basics of what had happened and it had to stay that way until he could be sure he’d be able to use the information he’d gathered - Logan knew he wouldn’t feel better until he had eyes on you again. And then she’s going to get kidnapped, and...but that’s part of the game. He felt himself smiling, watching as the sun set behind the mountains, the chatter of the few other late day arrival passengers barely registering to him. As he stepped off the train and onto the wooden platform, Logan grinned, eyes passing over the scenery and the people milling around. Good to be back. 

 He wasted no time in going to the stables and picking a horse before asking for a map to Lost Spring. Within an hour of his arrival in Sweetwater, Logan had left the town behind him, riding north beneath the rising stars. The stablemaster had told him that he’d reach the town in the middle of the night, and even though Logan enjoyed the open air and the silence, he found himself urging the horse onward, dipping one hand into his pocket to pull out his watch more frequently as the miles passed. Just before midnight, Logan saw flickering lights on the horizon, and knowing that it meant his destination was close, he dug his heels into the horse’s sides, closing the distance more quickly. 

 It’s impressive. He sucked in a breath as the town took shape around him, larger than Sweetwater but smaller and less striking than Pariah, even though there was a lively feeling to it, too. After leaving the horse in the stable, he wandered back toward the saloon, where he’d seen a sign advertising rooms for rent. Logan looked over everything, watching as the Hosts moved through the street and between buildings, a few of them trying to talk to him, asking if he needed anything, but he was focused on the saloon, on the sounds of laughter and music that he heard from within. I’ll look for her, grab a drink and ask around, find out… But Logan didn’t have far to look, because as soon as he pushed through the swinging doors and into the bar, he saw you sitting on one of the stools, hair loose around your bare shoulders. Sleeveless. She’s gonna kill me. 

 Steps quickening, Logan cut through the tables where people were sitting and playing cards, striding to the bar and not even hesitating as he slipped his arms around your waist, letting his lips fall on the skin behind your ear. “Hey, darlin’.” You yelped but immediately relaxed backwards, turning your head and meeting his lips with yours. I don’t know why but I’m relieved. You shifted on the stool, turning your body toward him, and Logan groaned as you teased his lips with your tongue, the faint taste of whiskey and something citrus registering in his mind. It’s only been 14 hours, and I... When you pulled back from the kiss and looked up at Logan, he spoke again, letting out a heavy breath. “What was that for?” 

 “Happy to see you, Delos.” You shrugged, gesturing toward the empty stool next to you, Logan taking it and sitting. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight, thought I’d have to look for you -”

 “Yeah, I made sure that I got on the train this afternoon, I didn’t wanna spend the night alone in our room.” He held up a finger to the bartender, pointing at the whiskey bottle and nodding, and the man quickly poured him a shot. Once Logan had swallowed it down and requested an actual drink, he turned to you again, leaning an elbow on the bar. “This place is really different.”

 “It is.” You picked your glass up, taking a long drink and shaking your head. “I learned a lot today, got to talk to a lot of the Hosts, and…” You closed your eyes. “The people that live here.” Logan rolled his eyes, knowing that you were correcting yourself out of habit, much like Disney employees did. Gotta keep the magic alive. Logan never thought of them as people, but understood why you did, especially when you were around other Guests. “So I guess the story is,” you said, leaning in closer to him. “There’s a gang in the hills to the north, run by a guy that goes by the name of McCray, but everyone calls him ‘Ghost’, because no one knows if they’ve ever seen him.” He saw the excitement on your face, heard it in your voice. “People keep getting grabbed by his men, dragged out of town, and the Sheriff has had to rescue like six people in the last month, because they just keep getting taken.” That’s a terrifying backstory … “But the thing is that when the Sheriff and whoever he’s taken with him find these people?” You shook your head, closing your eyes. “They don’t wanna come back, they wanna stay on with the gang.” Shit. Logan’s eyes widened, his head tilted to the side. “Yeah, the Sheriff told me that  since I’m alone here in town, I need to watch out for three men on gray horses, because…”

 “Alone?” You nodded, mouth hanging open slightly as he cut you off. “Where’s William, he was -”

 “Oh, he left almost as soon as we got here.” You waved your hand, taking another long drink and finishing what was in your glass. “We rode up from Sweetwater together, but we barely checked into the rooms before he was making some bullshit excuse and telling me he’d be back in the morning.” The fuck? “I didn’t question it, because I really don’t give a shit where he went, but…” You shrugged. “I haven’t seen him in hours.” You straightened up, smiling brightly at him, and Logan grinned back, reaching out to take your hand in his, linking your fingers together. “Plus, it doesn’t matter, you’re here now, so I don’t need him.” He tilted his head to the side, staring at you, and even though he was dead tired and sore from being on the horse for so long, Logan knew that neither of you would be sleepng for a long time. 

 “You think there’s any rooms left?” He watched you pause, eyes going wide. “I need somewhere to sleep.” You stayed quiet for a second before reaching out and undoing one of the buttons on his shirt, fingertips brushing against the skin beneath it. 

 “I’ve got a bed you can climb into tonight, cowboy.” You leaned in, glancing around as if you were making sure no one was listening. “I don’t think you’ll be sleeping much, though.” He saw the flicker in your eyes and grinned, nodding as he lifted his glass to his mouth, swallowing the last of his drink and licking his lips clean. 

 “Lead the way.” Logan followed you up the stairs, his hands at your hips, and when you stopped in front of a door, your hand on the knob, he reached past you, fingers closing around yours and his body pressing against you fron behind. “Wait.” He was almost growling in your ear, and Logan felt your hips shift back against his, your lips forming his name but barely getting the word out audibly. That’s what I was lookin’ for. “I just wanted to tell you,” he said as his hand moved back from yours and up your arm before it moved to your stomach, his nose in the hair that curled freely behind your ear. “I rode here fast, because I wanted to spend the night with you.” You nodded, and Logan pressed you against the door, the fingers of his hand undoing the top buttons on your vest and then sliding beneath the soft material and against your skin. 

 “I’ll make it worth your while, Logan.” You turned your head toward his and Logan pulled back slightly, giving you space. “We just gotta get int-”

 “Do we?” He kissed you, almost tasting the surprise you felt, and grinned against your lips, the tips of his fingers curling around the swell of your breast, bare beneath the leather you wore. “I think we can -”

 “She’s sure pretty, partner.” He froze at the sound of the voice, both annoyed with the interruption and angry that someone had dared to make a comment about you in his presence. That’s not how this works. “Maybe when you’re done with ‘er you can send -” He swore under his breath and pulled his hand away from your chest, leaving the one at your hip where it was. 

 “She’s not a fucking Host.” His words came out in a hiss as he turned the top half of his body, eyes blazing in the dim light of the hallway. “And she’s not -” The man was dressed in a pair of dark pants and a dirty button down shirt, a black hat perched on his head. He’s good looking. Logan was surprised, but he knew better than to relax, the hand that had been on you going to his hip, where a pistol was holstered. 

 “No need to get upset.” The man held both hands up, his eyes looking past Logan and to you, the smile back on his face. “Even prettier from the front.” Logan was quiet, waiting, and then he heard you whispering in his ear, one of your hands resting against his back. 

 “He’s a Host, Logan. It’s fine.” You pressed your lips to the back of his neck, sighing. “Part of the game, hmm?” You spoke quietly, but then cleared your throat, stepping to the side. “I’m all set.” You took Logan’s hand, twining your fingers together. “Already got the rest of my night planned, but thanks for the compliment.” The second man stayed quiet, regarding you with ice blue eyes for long moments and then he nodded once, reaching up to tip his hat. 

 “You two enjoy yourselves.” After he turned away, heading for the stairs, Logan took a deep breath and returned his attention to you, nodding at the door. 

 “Inside.” No more interruptons. You wasted no time opening the door and walking into the room, and Logan looked around, taking it in. It was simple - very understated, but it looked cozy, and though Logan had seen his fair share of rooms in Westworld, it was always nice to see what the Delos money was paying for. “How were you so -”

 “I think it’s part of the narrative, Logan.” You were sitting on the edge of the bed, removing your boots. “They have to identify someone in town, right? Make sure they’re here? Gotta have someone scouting, even if the other guys ride in.” I didn’t even think about that. He stared at you as you twisted your hair over one shoulder, lips pressed together. “I’m in their sights now.” Are you? God she’s so fucking excited about this. He raised an eyebrow, bending over to pull his own boots off and curling his toes. Finally. “You picked a different outfit this trip.” 

 “I did.” Logan stepped over to the bed, grinning. “I just grabbed shit off the hangers and put it on.” He stood in front of you, reaching out to put his hands on your shoulders. “If I’m gonna be ridin’ out into the middle of the goddamn desert lookin’ for you, I didn’t want to wear layers.” You laughed, reaching out and pulling his shirt untucked, starting to undo the buttons from the bottom up. “Less for you to take off, too.” You looked up at him, not saying anything but still smiling, and he dropped his hands so that he could shrug his arms from the sleeves, the material falling to the floor as your hands worked his belt undone. “All business tonight?” 

 “Just focused, Logan.” You pulled his belt from the loops, letting it clatter to the floor and then lowered your hands, flattening them on the bed and scooting backwards onto the mattress. “And grateful  to you for defending me from that Host in the hallway.” Your lips quirked up as you spoke, but before you could get another word out, Logan climbed into bed with you, letting his body press down against yours, like he’d been wanting all day. “Jesus, Logan, you’re…” He was unbuttoning your vest as he kissed your neck, hands working quickly between your bodies. Once he’d undone the last one, Logan pulled the material apart and sat up, kneeling over your body on the bed. 

 He could see you clearly in the moonlight streaming in through the window, and the night was perfectly cool - Logan’s favorite type of night in the park, and the exact opposite of the sweltering day it had been. “Every time I see you,” Logan said the words quietly as he ran a hand up your stomach, spreading his fingers apart and pushing down gently. “I… just wanna touch you.” He swallowed, leaning down and kissing you hard on the mouth, your heart pounding beneath his fingertips. “I can’t help it.” He nipped at your lip, and though you’d been laying still beneath him, you reached up, one hand gripping his bare shoulder and the other wrapping around the back of his neck to hold him in place. “Yeah? That’s what you…” You arched your back, pressing your chest against his, and Logan’s fingers curled, thumb swiping against the raised peak of your nipple before he swallowed your breath in another kiss. 

 You pushed him away from you only a few minutes later, and though he was surprised, it didn’t last long as he watched you unbutton your pants, pushing them down over your hips along with some ruffled cotton and lace. He continued watching you for a few monents, reveling in the reveal of each inch of your skin, and then Logan moved too, keeping his eyes on you but raising his hips to take his own pants off, followed by the thin cotton shorts that he wore in place of typical underwear. I’m so glad we don’t wear this shit now. Both of you totally naked, Logan grinned at you, raising an eyebrow. “Thought you said you wanted to touch me, Delos.” He laughed, shaking his head back and forth as he moved back toward you, reaching out with both arms to pull you away from the bedding and onto his lap, your protests quiet and totally for show. He ran both of his hands over your back, waiting until you’d settled with your knees on either side of his body, your hands on his chest. “Got the shot this time, Logan.” Your eyes were wide as you stared down at him. “It’s good for a month, so -” Shit. 

 Delos had introduced new medical products onto the market over the previous year, one of them being a new form of birth control that was offered to both male and female guests of the parks just in case they happened to interact with a human instead of a Host during their trip. You had yet to try it out, instead preferring to stick to the methods you’d been using previously both inside of the park and at home. Why now? “What made you…” He cleared his throat, mind racing. That means… His hands moved from your back to your front, pushing both breasts together without looking away from your face. “You -”

 “Wanted to try it, see if I like it better.” You shrugged, leaning down. “Who knows, maybe I’ll stick with it when we go back home.” He squeezed your flesh gently as your hands moved up and into his hair, lips dropping to his ear. “You’ll have to tell me what you like better.” With a roll of your hips, you traced your tongue along the edge of his ear and Logan’s lips found one nipple, teeth following soon after as he bit down. You groaned - louder as his tongue swirled, and then Logan switched his attention to the other side of your chest, opening his eyes briefly and then closing them again as you started whispering in his ear - his name, pleas for him to keep going, and then as one of his hands made its way between your legs, you swore, pulling hard on his hair. Exactly. It was rare that Logan felt comfortable enough with a partner to go without protection, even when they were on a secondary form of birth control, but at the thought of burying himself in you with nothing between you for the first time? I can’t wait. 

 But he did wait, wanting to be sure that you were ready for him; one finger and then two slipping in and out of you with a practiced ease, Logan curling his fingers slightly without moving his wrist, mouth still on the skin of your chest. “You ready for me?” You nodded, patient as Logan’s lips made their way back up your neck and he removed his fingers from you, sliding the hand around to your hip and pulling your body down tight against his. “I hope so.” He kisssed you again, his hips jerking upward and causing you to cry out as he connected with the sensitive skin he’d been touching. No more. Been waiting all goddamn day for this. “Lay down.” 

 You were moving before he was finished speaking, trading places on the bed so that he could kneel above you, the fingers of the hand that had been touching you wrapped around himself, slowly stroking. “Logan, let me, I want…” But he shook his head, watching as your chest rose and fell, one hand resting on your stomach as the other gripped the blankets beneath you. “C’mon, Logan, I -” 

 “Not tonight.” He ran his tonge over his lower lip, reaching up with his free hand to push his hair back and out of his eyes, head shaking slowly back and forth. “Tonight I wanna enjoy this, what you’re… what we’re gonna…” Your eyes widened, and he could almost feel the excitement radiating from your body. She wants this, too. “You sure? There’s condoms in the drawer, they’re in every room, I -”

 “If you don’t trust the shot, Logan, that’s fine, but …” Your head moved slowly back and forth, hair spread out over the pillow. “I trust it, because I trust Delos.” He felt a flash of apprehension, thinking of William’s scheming and the collection of data, but pushed the thoughts away, again focusing on you. Not tonight. Not now. 

 “Oh, I trust it.” He watched your eyes leave his face, your gaze focused on his hand, on the way that his wrist twisted, his thumb moving slowly over his tip. “Just wanted to ask you again.” Logan took a deep breath and then let go of himself, using both hands to widen the spread of your legs before he settled between them. Won’t matter, her legs’ll be around me in… With a smile, Logan reached down again, guiding himself to your entrance, and with a long, low groan he pushed into you, fighting not to close his eyes. Look at her face. You lost the battle, your eyes sqeezing shut and your mouth dropping open as he filled you, one hand reaching out toward him and the other gripping the bunched sheets below you tightly. Holy shit. You felt incredible, muscles tight around him, and he’d been right, one leg wrapping around his thigh and the other around his waist as Logan settled in. Fucking perfect. 

 The two of you found a rhythm, Logan’s body covering yours, your nails digging into his back as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, lifting you off the bed slightly, the other hand pressed into the mattress to brace himself. Logan’s past partners had wanted more from him; more than the places where their bodies had connected with his, more than the muffled moans and groans, more than the minutes of pleasure, but he’d never been willing to give it to them, at least not the way they wanted. He’d kissed his partners, sure. He’d touched them, of course, knowing that his skilled fingers and tongue were almost as high in demand as the rest of him, but with you, the bare minimum wasn’t enough, and he knew it never would be. Not again. In the span of time that he’d known you, Logan had done the impossible: he’d fallen for you, even though he didn’t know how to tell you. 

 He hadn’t been lying when he’d said that it had started out as simply sex, seeing you in the halls at Delos and being physically interested, but the peeks he’d gotten into your life - starting with your tattoos at the Christmas party and then your wit in the interactions you’d had at work and then on the night you’d allowed him to take you to dinner had made him more interested, and well before the night of his admission in the suite, he’d decided that he wanted more with you. So Logan kissed you at every opportunity, even as his hips were rocking against yours and you were leaving long, red marks on his back. He touched you, the grip on your shoulder anchoring the two of you together, his other arm still supporting some of his weight but the fingers of it stroking the side of your face at the same time. I want to tell her, but it’s not… I need to deal with William first. He didn’t want to complicate things, and though he knew you knew he was being faithful and you didn’t expect more, Logan wanted to give it to you nonetheless. “Fuck, Logan.” You groaned quietly, the ends of your nails moving against the back of his neck. “You feel…” I know. 

 Logan slowed the movement of his hips, lengthening his strokes, and you responded accordingly, meeting his thrusts with tiny ones of your own. She always… It was never a race to the finish with you, never an attempt to draw things out to impress each other; when he was with you, Logan let things happen as they were meant to, and enjoyed every second of it. He felt some lingering soreness from the horseback ride in, and knew that you’d come before he did that night; he could feel how close you were with the changes in the way your leg was wrapped around him, the grip you had on his bicep. “C’mon.” He mumbled the word against your throat, teeth grazing against the skin. “I feel it, but I wanna feel you…” His tongue dipped into the hollow at the base of your throat as you swallowed and he tasted sweat, even though it was still chilly in the room. You’re right there, I know it, I… He was taken by surprise as you moved the leg that was around his thigh and planted your foot on the mattress, moaning out his name, and Logan felt his tightly wound body snap, emptying himself inside of you with a few more faltering thrusts of his hips as he bit down on your shoulder, teeth sure to leave a bruise that no one would see beneath the embedded ink. Fuck. 

 It only took a few more seconds - he thought it might have had something to do with the jolt of pain from his bite - and then you came too, muscles seizing around him, the leg that was still holding him in place going limp. “Jesus, Logan, I…” You were beathless, lying beneath him, and though spent, Logan refrained from pulling out of you, focusing on the slickness he felt, the heat between your bodies. “Get offa me, Delos, I wanna…” He groaned, taking a deep breath and then, even as he slid out of you for the final time, Logan sighed out your name, rolling onto his back and reaching for the drawer on the table, where he knew that a stack of folded handkerchiefs would be waiting. Standard issue Westworld. He handed you the first one and  then pulled out another for himself, and the two of you spent a few minutes cleaning up before he rolled onto his side, waiting for you to do the same. 

 Neither of you made any move to get beneath the blankets, and as Logan stared at you in the still-bright moonlight, he smiled, reaching out to run his fingers over your shoulder, the faint indentations of his teeth still present. “I’m sorry, I got…” You laughed, moving closer to him and returning your hand to his side, stroking over the skin atop his ribs. “You’re a surprise.” You smiled, half of your face hidden by the pillow. “You know that, right? I never -”

 “Gonna get sappy on me now, Logan?” He watched a you widened your eyes in mock surprise, pinching his skin. “Was it really that good for you?” He laughed too, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling your face back to his, muttering the words “shut up” before he kissed you soundly, tongue gently prodding your lips for a brief second before it entered your mouth again. Maybe I am. “Damn, Delos.” You sighed as the two of you separated, both of your heads falling back onto the pillows, eyes still on each other. “If this is how it’s gonna be, I’ll keep getting that shot, Logan.” You yawned and the movement of your hand slowed, but Logan didn’t speak again, instead just watching you as you drifted off. “Blanket, Logan.” You sighed but made no move to reach for it, and Logan instead sat up, pulling the blanket over the two of you without bothering to get dressed. Won’t matter, we’ll just be taking everything off again in the morning. “G’night.” You yawned again, and beneath the blanket, you moved even closer to him, tucking your forehead in against his neck, cheek pressed to his chest. Goodnight. 

 In the time before he fell asleep, Logan was only dimly aware of his own body’s movement, the arm not trapped beneath his body winding around you to hold you close. 

 --- 

 He’d been right about waking up. After what seemed like only a few short hours of sleep (but had actually been the whole night), you’d woken Logan, your hands exploring his body, and before getting dressed and heading downstairs, you’d tired each other out again, this time by the warm rays of the early morning sun. Leaving the saloon, you walked across the street and to the small restaurant, settling in at a table together and letting a cheerful female Host take your breakfast order. You asked for coffee, but Logan reached out, his fingers wrapping around the woman’s arm as she left the table. “Can we get a pitcher of water, please?” She nodded once at him, her eyes moving over his face before she turned and stepped away. Logan returned his attention to you, rolling his shoulders and tilting his head from side to side to loosen his neck. She needs it. “You need to drink water, and a lot of it. If they’re gonna take you out, who knows…” He swallowed. “You get thirsty real quick out there.” 

 His mind wandered back to the days he’d spent in the desert with William, the days he’d spent there after William had left him, wishing for water and hoping for death. It’s just a game, for her, but still… “Of course, Logan.” You reached out and squeezed his hand. “That’s smart.” You talked over breakfast, but Logan was distracted, both by you and lingering thoughts of William, as well as by the aching of his muscles from his time in bed with you. What is wrong with me? “Want to go for a walk, I can introduce you to the Sheriff, and…” He was grinning, up and out of his seat at your words, a hand extended. You took it, smiling back at him, and within a few minutes, you were walking down the street again, the sun blazing down even though it was barely midmorning. “Sheriff's right down here, we -” You gasped as you pointed, your eyes on the hills at the end of the street. “They’re coming, Logan, it’s…” He turned to look at you, hearing the excitement in your voice. “I can see the dust rising, the horses…” 

 His heart pounding, Logan did the only thing he could think of - he pulled you in and kissed you, a hand on the back of your head, the other settled low on your back as your hands pressed against his chest. It’s just a game, but… When he pulled back, you were smiling at him, but he saw the surprise in your eyes at his behavior, and he was almost sure it was mirrored in his own. Who am I and what have I done with Logan Delos? He released you as the sound of hooves became louder, and the two of you turned to look in the direction of the noise, along with others that were on the street. He watched the two horses, their feet kicking up dust as they stormed in, and before he could even react, the animals had stopped in front of the two of you, one of the men dismounting and pointing his gun at you. Shit. 

 Logan’s hand went to his waist, fingers twitching over the butt of his gun, but he watched you shake your head, eyes wide. “No, Logan.” You swallowed, playing along, one hand held upto halt his movement. “It’s alright, they warned me…” 

 “She’s comin’ with us.” Logan noticed for the first time that the man still on horseback was pointing his gun at him, and as his eyes moved back and forth, he felt a slight tightness in his chest. Just a game. She’s not in danger. “My partner’s gonna toss you a rope, and you’re gonna tie her hands together.” The gun didn’t waver from where it was pressed to your neck, but Logan watched as you fought not to whimper, knowing that it would cause him to take action. “An’ then she’s gonna get on this horse with me, and we’re gonna ride up into the hills and see the Boss.” A coil of rope fell at his feet, and Logan glanced around, watching as the people and the other Hosts looked on, none of them even thinking about interfering. “I said tie her.” Logan finally heard you gasp at the sound of the gun cocking, and he bent down, picking up the rope. This isn’t gonna go over well, this is too intense, no one’s going to… “Both wrists, make it good, cowboy.” 

 “I’ll find you.” Logan spoke quietly as he reached you, taking one wrist into his hands and then the other, knotting the rope around them tightly before he curled his fingers around your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I promise, I’ll...”

 “I know.” He looked in your eyes and while you looked scared, you were still excited. “I know you will, Logan.” I don’t like this. The man on the horse instructed Logan to step back and so he did, reluctantly letting go of you. “I’ll see you soon, Logan.” He nodded, taking two more steps away from you and watching as the man holstered his gun, using one arm to lift you and waiting until you’d gripped the saddlehorn with both hands to kneel down, giving you something to brace yourself against. You put one foot in the stirrup, swinging your leg over the broad back of the black horse and he followed you, swinging easily up behind you. Logan felt disgust watching as he reached past you, taking the reins and settling his arms on either side of your body, chest pressed against your back. I don’t like this at all. 

 “You thinking about comin’ after her?” Logan’s attention was pulled away from you by the second man, but he only turned his head partially, keeping you visible. “Playin’ the hero?” With a laugh, he continued. “Good luck findin’ us up in those hills.” He heard you call out to him as your horse turned and began galloping out of town, and Logan caught the fear in your voice as you bounced in the saddle. I’m coming. “You come before sundown, and she dies.” Logan didn’t have a chance to speak before the second man took off after the first, the sound of hooves fading after long seconds as the three of you rode out of view. Shit, I should have… but no. She wanted to be taken, this is the narrative, she has to… 

 “Hey, you there.” Logan turned at the sound of the voice, noticing a man in a badge striding down the street toward him. “Who wa-” But he was cut off by the sound of more hooves, this time coming from the opposite direction. This place is fucking busy. Logan turned his head to look in the direction of the new noise - three grey horses, a single man atop each. Wait a minute… Brow furrowed, Logan watched as the three men tore through town, pausing only long enough for one of them to reach out and grab the arm of a lone blonde woman, pulling her off of the ground and onto the horse with him before they continued down the street, following the tracks of the first horses, the woman screaming loudly for help. What… Staring after the men, Logan felt himself freeze. Three men, not two. 

 “Who were those men?” He turned his attention back to the man with the badge, raising one hand to point. “The men on the grey horses, that grabbed …” The horses...

 “Those are McCray’s men.” Adjusting the brim of his wide white hat, the sheriff shook his head. “Was tellin’ your friend about ‘em yesterday, and…” Wait, if those were… who… 

 “Then who…” Logan pulled his own hat off, tapping it against his hip as he felt the panic rise in his chest. “If those were… where did… who…” He shook his head, pointing. “Who the fuck were the two that…”

 “I have no idea, son.” The sheriff stared at Logan, shaking his head. “Never seen ‘em in town before in my life.”

---

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[patchdotexe]

I think what immediately grabbed me about MaX from you talking about xem is. Xe's alive, and full of life, specifically, and has people that love xem. And like. Otherwise seems like a sweet kid. And one who deserves to exist and continue existing and is afraid of what could happen to xem. And xyr is controlled by some sort of internet bot I think (?) so like. Xe deserves to be protected. I want to protect xem, give xem- garuntee xem, a good end to xyr story and like. Literally Nobody Can. And that's compelling as fuck.

All of that is absorbed secondhand and off very brief wiki skimming so I could be way off and all of that could be a garbage fire of wrongness. Compels me tho

HI HELLO YEAH

yeah okay i get to delve into my headcanons abt how max Came To Be in-universe now bc. ive been thinking abt it a lot lately and this gives me an opportunity to ramble

so something that i run with when i’m specifically writing MaX, like this isn’t something i’ve run by the other garages yet, is that max... didn’t localize properly? all the other wyatts showed up fine, but magi had to fish xem out of the psychoacoustics herself. so for the first day of xer existence, max was just. super glitchy and barely there. a total blank slate.

and everyone’s worried about xem because like, who is this kid, even? xer name is Wyatt Mason but there’s thirteen wyatts now and why is xe even here? xe barely responds to anything around xem, and the team gets told “yeah, xe’s in your lineup now, xe has to play” and they’re dubious but like, they’re not gonna fight the umps over it and they’re tanking the season anyway

and Wyatt Mason X steps up to the plate, and it’s xer first game and it’s feedback, and xe echoes and it’s like xe comes alive. like the moment xe echoes for the first time xe snaps into being Aware, into actually being somebody, and after the game xe’s struggling with “who am i, why am i here, what just happened” because xe barely remembers anything and the garages nudge xem along the path of “you can be whatever”

and then the other wyatts start going static, and MaX is terrified, and the other garages are worried about xem because they already knew xe probably wasnt gonna be around for long but xe’s already become part of the family. and just... the whole thing with MaX having somewhere xe belongs, someone xe wants to be, trying to figure xemself out and xer place in the world, and the garages supporting xem all the way

and like. there’s something kinda beautiful about the narrative of the game where even though it’s just a bunch of stats in a weird baseball simulator, MaX just. straight up won’t die. xe keeps ending up in situations where xe completely dodges static. xe got SUPER close one game, but the two other garages ahead of xem in the lineup struck out so xe didn’t get to go up and so xe survived. and everything keeps lining up for like, a month now, where someone who was probably intended to get annihilated after a week is gonna be around for who knows how long

words hard but i am full of love for this weird audio anomaly that’s also a nervous teenager that wants to exist

[danwhobrowses]

WWE Royal Rumble 2021 - Initial Thoughts

I know I’m late, but employment is still a thing, and I had to prioritize that over an all-nighter, but it’s time for the Royal Rumble, one of the more exciting shows of WWE’s schedule, so let’s get on with it!

Spoilers for Royal Rumble, you have been Warned

I might not invest too much in kickoff matches but the Women’s Tag Match was not a good time

It was fine before the end, but who the hell decided that Charlotte should control 90% of the champions’ offense and have the hot tag!? Asuka is the RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION, not Charlotte. After the tag Asuka literally had one spot and she was dead, completely taken out of the match for *checks notes* being thrown over the Announcer’s Table...you know that thing several wrestlers come back from easily.

The finish was just too much too, Ric distraction didn’t work, Lacey distraction didn’t work, Kirufuda Clutch didn’t work but then the brass knuckles did. Too much.

And why TF are we putting titles back on Nia!? We should’ve just given the titles to the Riotts, or the winner of the Women’s Dusty Classic. It also cuts me deep that Asuka and Shayna are treated this way, even as champion Asuka is a side character to Charlotte T_T

Main show though and I don’t like the package and interviews between entrances

Drew vs Goldberg was just...meaningless.

It was cringy enough that Cole had to spout drivel to make 60 year old Goldberg seem strong but to have Drew be ‘injured’ by a barricade spear - something much more tired wrestlers have and will get back up from in less time and continue a longer match - was daft. Also saying that Goldberg’s spear or jackhammer is the best move of all WWE is stupid, it was a WCW thing

Thank God Drew Won, but the post-match does remind you of the meaningless circumstances this feud came about. Suddenly Goldberg is okay with Drew’s same manners of respect

I mean, Carmella’s entrance and gear is cool, but do you think it eats at Corey a little that Carmella’s ‘behind the curtain’ bit is a tad...red light district?

Sasha’s promo didn’t hit for me unfortunately

Reginald didn’t deserve to be ejected for that! He caught Sasha and get beaten up for it

Jesus Carmella! Sasha got barely any of that dive

Screeching and faffing aside, Carmella got a good showing...I do hate quick tap outs in title matches though

Sami cuts a good promo, but his content wasn’t exactly the best. New Day are hardly the management’s faves, it’s taken this long for E to get a singles run, Fans literally had to Yes Movement their way into giving Kofi the world title.

New Day’s Brodie gear was good though

Bad Bunny as the ‘Biggest Latin Artist’? Is Cole for real? I didn’t even know who he was before today

If the song is about Booker T then why is he dancing around GI Bro?

Come on Book, you hang on the Sucka! That’d be like if the Rock just went ‘If ya smell what the Rock is cooking’ without the drags or pauses

Ric’s ‘with a tear in my eye’ promo was after the Rumble though...

It’s actually a sad stat that just over half of the Rumble winners win titles

No Morrison segment for the escape spot!? He did it as much as Kofi dammit!

Sorry Greatest Royal Rumble is not canon for me

This Stat Attack has taken far too long

I’m okay with Mike Rome but couldn’t a woman have announced the Women’s Rumble? Where’s Lillian at!?

NAOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?

That hair is amazing as well

I know you can’t say it, but we all remember that Benoit won the rumble in the first two as well

Was...Bianca wearing earrings on her entrance, she looked like she was taking them off

Billie actually had the right idea, can’t be in the match until you enter the ring, it’s clever stuff

That tank did not look like it was meant to turn that direction XD

It actually surprises me every time how tall Shotzi is, I always imagine her short

Billie no...not with Shayna

The piped boos are highly unrealistic to boo even a heel Toni Storm

Shotzi eliminated and then horrible singer Jillian comes in? Urrrrgh, Bad Singer Jillian was terrible

Wrestling wise she hasn’t missed a beat though

Billie’s surprisingly being a highlight here with actual narra-OHMYSHITITSVICTORIA

Gear was a bit meh but Victoria definitely can still go

Oh Peyton the purple looks good on you, and her Widow’s Peak was not bad at all

Ah, good for Santana, for a moment I thought it said Santina and got a very bad chill

Damn Liv, Speed Machine!

Ooof, the betrayal is real Billie

THIS IS MY BRUTALITY!

Somehow I’m genuinely upset by every elimination so far, good job!

Aaaaaand then they got rid of Victoria and brought on Charlotte to immediately take out Rhea -_-

That was a clever move from Bayley but damn Ruby landed hard

Are we seeing a Bayley/Peyton team? Or is she just eliminating the Riotts for revenge for Billie, but also Liv Nooooo!

Torrie now, eh okay

Ouch for Dana

Lacey...no, this ain’t working

Poor Peyton, her elimination was a side chapter

And we missed Bayley’s elimination!? For Shame

Mickie! Good to see ya! Aaaaand being beaten by Charlotte...

Nikki Cross is back too! Hopefully they find a good story for her

Alicia Fox? I guess she sobered back into the good gra...R-Truth? No

Oh yeah, Humberto is a thing

Jerry shut the fuck up!

The 24/7 stuff was super unnecessary, we did not need to take focus off this match

Lacey eliminating Mickie, rude.

Dakota should’ve gotten more time, she barely lasted a minute

Reginald again deserves better

See Tamina vs Rhea would be exciting...if Tamina was booked better

Naomi’s chemistry with Bianca is really insane right now

Lana *reminded of her feud with Shayna and Nia* Also Lana *goes for Rhea*

That was a hard tackle on Alexa by Rhea...aaaaand she’s eliminated mid ‘transformation’ a bit worthless for me

Road Warrior Ember Moon! And right into the Eclipse that’s the good shit

Baszler probably shouldn’t have eliminated Lacey story-wise

The Betrayal is real for Tamina as well

What’s with the crazy camera cuts!?

Nia eliminating Baszler? Nah...

Hold on Cole, baiting Nia over the ropes isn’t a ‘tremendous elimination’

The betrayal is real for Lana too, Nattie sure shrugged off that double assault

I get that the narrative is that Charlotte has beaten both Bianca and Rhea before, but to hang against both of them after already being in a match and hanging on from two apron attacks was daft. Stop making her super strong, she’s mega talented yes but giving her the Brock Lesnar energy does her no favours

That close call though with Rhea and Bianca was great, need more spots of two wrestlers about to be eliminated at the same time

The final bit of chain wrestling too was great, that’s what you need at the final part of a rumble, the mini-match

I had Rhea as my win prediction but am more than happy for Bianca, who was my second choice. Winning at No. 3 is great and her emotional promo just gets her more over. Bianca vs Sasha’s gonna be wild too

Overall the Women’s Rumble was good, most of the women got shine and there were a few mini stories too, do wish that more time was given to some women and that Sonya was in the rumble but the returns were good and most of the eliminations got me good

Miz talking about guaranteeing a championship run like he didn’t lose the last cash-in and didn’t have a chance to cash in previously this night when Drew was ‘reeling’ from the barricade spear.

I reiterate that I wish Sonya was in the rumble, but do like her endorsement of Bianca

Again, this 24/7 stuff is wrong place and time right now

Last Man StANDing Match for the UniVERSal Championship

Cole, there is Champion’s Advantage. Triple H vs Michaels Last Man Standing, neither men made the 10 so Trips kept the title, 17 years ago. Royal Rumble 2004.

See, this is where a Finisher Spotfest works, because it’s not about pinfalls it’s about keeping people down

The camera switches are not doing good on this portion of the side of the thunderdome

Yes, attacking the knees, this is the Cerebral ‘rope breaks with his pinkie finger’ Owens I like to see

Ooof the Golf Cart, a la Kane and Stadium Stampede

Why is this training area just like a second arena

Lil’ running ref in the background

Right into that conveniently placed mini-ladder

Not the forklift! Think of Judy Bagwell!

Oh that curtain is the thing Becky took a photo of! I mean she was always gonna be backstage

Corey before the match ‘there must be a winner’, Corey after Owens went through the stage LED ‘The ref should consider stopping the match’

Did the Ciampa move there to stand up

I don’t think you’re allowed to use a Ref Bump that way

Then the Second Ref restarts the count and stops at 5!? If this doesn’t come back next SD it’ll be a misstep

It was a physical match, not the best I think the finish brought it down. The problem is that KO has lost 3 times now and the last time is a botch finish, and we can’t have him lose again - the poor guy needs a win

ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY!

I will say this immediately, revealing Edge and Orton as 1 and 2 beforehand was a terrible idea, just because you don’t have a live crowd doesn’t mean the people watching from home can’t be surprised

‘Number 3 is the worst number to draw on average’ - Belair just won at No. 3

Ali at 4? Then went after Edge and not Orton?

Sami, just don’t get in Orton’s face

Refs what are you doing? No rules in Rumble, where were you with Nia and Shayna with that logic

‘What does Shin need to do to be more successful?’ - for one not face AJ Styles, he is still a tag, US and IC champ as well as a RR winner, that’s quite successful

Carlito finally shows after the Legends Night tease and yes those are some abs

So...Randy’s just sleeping with this knee injury

Big E enters with some snappy camera angles again

I was hoping for more Ali - especially since Ricochet came immediately after - buy angry E was nice to see

Wait is that Elias’ entrance? Where’s the guitar strum?

Priesty, wonder if this is his main roster call

What DJ leaves his equipment on stage anyway?

‘The biggest star in the world in the music business’ - for real?

‘I’ve heard of flying squirrels but flying bunnies!?’ - Corey you need to watch Tokyo Joshi Pro, they got a flying sugar rabbit

To quote Ross Tweddell, MMMmmm Riddle...does not do it for me

Stop with the camera cuts I beg of you!

Mayor of Knox County!?

Ricochet eliminated by Kane, le sigh

The betrayal is real for DBry

Big Elim for Priesty though

‘Now it’s a Royal Rumble’ - reminder that Edge is a KOTR winner too, and that Nakamura is the King of Strong Sty-oh and Corbin eliminated him :/ what was the gauntlet about if you’re gonna Corbin him?

Otis’ new gear is slick

aaaaand Corbin’d again

Big Dom Fuck im Uhhhhhh Spinebuster’d

Damn he got him though

Dang that bounce sound from DBry

Bobby no why you gotta do Dom like that!?

Hurricane back from his Gangrel crossing and disposing Sammy Guevara’s broken body in Elite Deletion to do another rumble

One of these days, he’ll hit that Chokeslam and shit will go wild

Christian! This time getting the more emphatic reaction

Oh that smile, that hits you in the chest cavity...then Riddle ruins it

Rey comes in and WWE made him an advertisement ¬_¬

Edward James Omos what are you doing? well...I know what he’s doing, IC feud between AJ and E

Edward James Omos fuck you for eliminating Rey

The betrayal is real for Shamu

Cole how did you know it was Seth before his entrance hit?

I don’t think we were supposed to pick up Shamu welcoming Christian back but that was sweet

Then finally BWOAR

And Bwoar eliminates Cesaro, what was the point of his push? (it’s because his contract’s nearly up isn’t it?)

Again with the camera switching

Seth No! And where’s the boos pipe music!? DBry was a heavy favourite, that would’ve caused heat

Can’t believe Mmm Riddle lasted ahead of DBry

I didn’t forget about Orton, but the finish was good, that Orton tease got us good

It was a decent rumble, in hindsight you could tell Edge was winning given how they put express focus on Michaels winning at number on in the stat attack, Edge being face in peril for the first 10 entrants and Cole reminding us how long Edge has been in there

I don’t at all hate the end result, though I do question whether it was the best choice in the long run. Edge had his rumble win returning from injury already and throwing more legends at Drew does imply a heavy lack of depth in the current roster. Edge didn’t really need the win, but I’m not disappointed in him winning

The Men’s Rumble itself wasn’t as good as the women’s I don’t think, a lot of favourites of mine were unceremoniously dumped out quickly, any layered storytelling didn’t get enough time and it did feel a little by the numbers, almost a microcosm of modern WWE booking

Overall it was still a decent PPV, happy with the winners of the rumbles and that’s mostly all we need from a Royal Rumble. The Road to Wrestlemania starts here

[sparrowsabre7]

Thoughts on the Snyder Cut Chapter 6 of 6

The awful “you smell good” line is changed back to the original “you spoke” which clearly couldn’t be used in the Josstice cut since dark Superman was a lot more chatty there, whereas he is entirely silent in the Snyder Cut to this moment. 

We take a bit more time to breathe on Clark’s return before going into the Batcave for what I think is the first time as a group in this version. I actually quite enjoyed Barry whizzing round the cave in Josstice as a bit of humour that actually made sense to me. Here he just says “wow!” which is now coloured a little by the death mere minutes before or his new friend’s dad... 

There is a nice “This is Alfred, I work for him” from Bruce and Alfred despairing of where he’s going to find enough tea cups, a wry commentary on the fact he’s never really needed more than 2. 

More breathing with Clark, though this movie seems to do nothing but breathe sometimes... he mentions Lois’s ring which I don’t think was brought up in Josstice, but despite spending more time with Lois, the moment still doesn’t really feel earned. Martha is then reunited with her boy too, again feeling unearned since this is actually the first we see of her this film. 

Bruce acknowledges the dream sequences from Batman V Superman in a scene that adds nothing but act as an ominous teaser before they embark on the Flying Fox (fixed by Cyborg in another addition with little actual purpose not least because the exchange between Cyborg and Bruce makes no sense “It wanted to fly, it’s in her nature” “Yours too” - we’ve already seen Cyborg fly like 20 times already). We get a brief planning scene and then it’s off to the final boss!

But not before we have another fatherly advice montage - this time for Clark from the disembodied voices of his two dads as he sadly wanders around the ship before emerging in the infamous silver and black suit. 

This scene is nice though, mirroring the emergence from “Man of Steel” and showcasing his improved mastery of flight, paying homage to the films that came before. Ah spoke too soon, ruined with a jesus shot that smacks you over the head so hard you’ll get concussion. 

The team disembarks and zooms into battle, the batmobile sequence is still a highlight and I don’t think much has changed from it, nothing that jumped out at me at least. 

There’s a scene added back in with Clark visiting Alfred, which was on the original disc as a deleted scene. I understood why it was deleted then and it adds little here too, save for logistically explaining how Superman knows where the team is.

Wonder Woman, Cyborg and Aquaman confront Steppenwolf. REALLY fucking sick of that wail now.  This doesn’t seem dramatically altered, meanwhile Barry is off doing a big run to charge up Cyborg. 

While this may have more narrative purpose than the saving the Russian family scene from Josstice (which I loathed, that family sideplot was SO dumb) it still relegates Barry to basically not doing much. Also, he gets tripped up by a blast from a gun, he’s faster than fucking sound, there should be no reason he got hit by that. Also, oh my goodness is Ezra Miller (who is otherwise pretty solid) gurning it up over his injury... 

Superman appears and it is a lot more badass than in the 2017 cut, but it does IMMEDIATELY raise the question (again) of what is the point of the other League members. He tears Steppenwolf apart with greater ease than he fought Zod or Doomsday and yet, this guy is meant to be this incredible force to be reckoned with.

Meanwhile the mother box pulling apart doesn’t go so well, so all the other Leaguers literally stand and watch as Cyborg fails to pull them apart waiting on Barry as a portal to Darkseid opens. The boxes explode and Barry goes back in time to undo it, forcing me to ask again, my god, why DOES he move his arms like that when he runs? 

Jesus we’re still 30 minutes from the end and we’re still doing vision sequences fuck me. I am so tired now. I just want it to end.

Ok the mother boxes are freaky demons in the vision showing Victor a life he could have. He ultimately rejects it and pushes them apart with Superman’s help (this seems to take basically no effort on Superman’s part compared with Josstice where it knocked both of them to the ground.) They then decapitate the basically beaten Steppenwolf (and use what I hope to christ is the last Amazon wail) for the body to fly through the portal and the team to have a good stareoff with Darkseid before he teases a now defunct sequel with generic bad guy statements. 

A very slow mo team pose closes out the battle and still doesn’t accomplish the same level of “fuck yeah” in 1 minute and 34 seconds (I counted) that “Avengers” did in 10 seconds with the 360 degree shot.

The epilogue begins and Cyborg magics his dad’s tape recorder back together to listen to his message. I don’t know how, I guess because he’s part motherbox? Arthur heads off to find his own solo movie, hopping in the back of a truck amusingly paralleling the scene in “Endgame” where Hulk visits New Asgard (though unintentional of course). Ryan Choi is there to remind us Ryan Choi was in this movie. Bruce and Alfred set up the Hall of Justice which seems unchanged, and then Barry showing his father he’s got a job in a crime lab, which now has added “foot in the door” content. Bruce helps Clark’s mum move back in, “I did a mistake” and “bought the bank” quotes still intact. Wonder Woman looks mournfully at the amazon arrow (sans wail) and then Barry manages to look even sillier when running. Batman stands atop the bat-tank from “The Dark Knight Returns” in another neat piece of fanservice that makes little sense, before Clark removes his specs and rips open his shirt to the S; something which definitely has less of an impact in the black and silver than in the red, blue, and yellow. 

We now come to the post-credity end of the movie (even though it’s pre-credits) with Luthor having escaped jail. Deathstroke also heads up to Luthor’s yacht as in Josstice’s post-credits but the context is changed dramatically, with it being about a personal hit on Batman (who took Slade’s eye apparently) rather than building the legion of doom. 

Ok, boy, still not done, more endings than Return of the King this one. We’ve jumped into the Knightmare world again, apropos of nothing. IN fairness, trenchcoat Batman is absolutely a look. Mera and Cyborg are there because reasons. As is Jared Leto Joker who sounds and overacts like an anime villain. A reacharound joke. hilarious. I actually tried defending Leto’s Joker back in the Suicide Squad era, but there’s no salvaging him. I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt but he’s just so cringeworthy. Oh apparently Harley Quinn is dead in this timeline. Batman also says “make no mistake I will fucking kill you” with all the conviction of a man establishing his consumer rights to a no questions asked refund. Ok Deathstroke is there too. With a mohawk. Barry has his time travel armour from BVS and then Superman shows up. 

Bruce now wakes up (jesus fuck, let it END) and Martian Manhunter is at his window which doesn’t seem to phase Bruce in the slightest, dispensing “an army is coming, we need to fight” platitudes. Ben Affleck seems to be playing this scene like he’s Ryan Reynolds (and tbh that’s actually working for me).

And it’s over. I’ve ranted long enough here so I will summarise in a final post

[atamascolily]

Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker”, part one

I only made it through the first hour tonight because I had to keep pausing to yell at the screen.

"The dead speak!" Okay, but I don't get it: how do they know the Emperor isn't a recording or a hologram? Or, I don't know, someone pretending to be him like the "Hand of Thrawn" duology?

"Supreme Leader Kylo Ren" will never not be a stupid title, gag.

So the Sith wayfinder is just... there. In a forest. In a box with a conveniently removable lid. Okay, I'm going to need some context here. (Ironically, this scene was added back into the film to provide context, lol.)

I actually really like the whole "Force compass" idea, although I wouldn't have made it a plot point in my fix-it if it hadn't already been a thing.

Why the hell would you fly a TIE when you’re supreme leader, those things are shitty af.

So he's the Supreme Leader and he just... runs off to Exegol alone? No backup whatsoever?? I guess Hux or the moffs or whatever does all the actual work, lol.

What can I say? Ian McDiarmid's still got it.

10/10 for aesthetics in the evil Sith pyramid ruins. Kylo looks so out of his league.

So Kylo did actually hear Darth Vader's voice in his head.... or thought he did. Wow.Does Kylo recognize the Emperor's voice? Who knows! But the look on his face when Palpatine says he played him is priceless.

It will surprise absolutely no one that I love the secret underground evil lab with Snoke clones floating in tanks and a "Black Hooded Robes" dress code.

The throne reveal with the flickering light and the medical stuff... excellent.

Kylo's really more a follower than a leader and it shows at how quickly he's willing to serve Palpatine.

Uh, Palps, the last time someone ordered Kylo to kill Rey it didn't go well.... I can't imagine you don't know that.

Poe and Finn teaming up to play against Chewie and still losing is delightful. Also: DATING.

Who the hell is Klaud? Should I know their name? What are they doing there on the Falcon randomly?

I gotta say, I love Poe and Finn and Chewie's dynamic in the drop-off scene. Also blasting through the wall. And the aesthetic of the ice planet in general.

Lightspeed skipping's still dumb, though. Like, everybody is totally right to ream them for it.

Rey's flip to the ground when she's done meditating is perfect.

The Leia footage looks like it ought to fit, but it doesn't look right to my eyes, even if though I can't figure out what's off about it in context.

The training course run is awesome, but I can't help wondering how that hood doesn't choke her in the process or at least get in the way. Nice improvised quarterstaff there.

What the hell is this moment with touching Vader's mask and making a connection with Rey, I don't get it. It's clearly meant to be a moment. Both Kylo and Rey have flashbacks to traumatic past memories, but why right at that moment???

Ahhh, I love Connix's new look here.

why is Rey giving the saber back to Leia?? She's totally earned it several times over in the last two movies. And who else is going to use it??(And when did it get fixed, last time we saw it was split in two as a ~metaphor~ or something.)

Aww, Rey's doing her Jedi independent study with the sacred texts that ghost!Yoda told Luke were so boring he was glad that they were burning just to fuck with Luke. (Ghost!Yoda was an asshole. I am offended on Yoda’s behalf.) 

Yay for Poe and Rey interacting, but this is such a stupid conflict--or at least a stupid way to have written this kind of conflict. And yet somehow they still have more chemistry when Rey calls him "difficult" than Rey and Kylo have had in two entire films.

Why didn't Rey go on this mission again? I don't get it.

Poe's eyeroll on "Somehow, Palpatine returned" is the best.

Rose says what I'm thinking: "Do we believe this?" GOOD FOR HER.

"Dark science. Cloning." Dark Empire, here we come!

I would have bought Palpatine hiding in the Unknown Regions better if we already hadn't had Snoke hiding out there with an entirely different fleet/organization. Even assuming Snoke is Palpatine's puppet, how could Kylo not... notice?? Maybe he's just that self-absorbed. 

And they only have 16 hours before the attack. What a stupid arbitrary deadline to create suspense that ALSO makes no world-building sense. Got it.

(There are times when adding a deadline is a smart narrative choice and there are times when it is stupid. Guess which one this is.)

How does Rey connect Exegol to the books? I feel like the movie skips a step or two in explaining that.

What is Maz doing here?? I thought she was a free agent. Wouldn't it have been easier for her to bring the news from the FO mole, since she's usually the Agent of Exposition in these films?

Looks like the start of a Fetch Quest! Wow. Like I said, I really like the idea of the wayfinders, but not the execution. Also, way to shit on Luke for not finishing the job earlier.

What sort of relationship do Rey and Poe have that Poe is just casually gonna go along with her? I'm not complaining, I just would have liked to see some build-up... literally anywhere.

Finn invites Rose to come along... and she conveniently declines. WTF. I mean, there could be some UST here if you squint and I don't like this pairing, but... I don't get why she declines, except plot, I guess. 

Poe is rocking that scarf action.

Leia gives the saber back... all of Leia's scenes with Rey are literally the same. I think that's what bothers me. They just.. happen and they're all the same, because they're re-using old footage, and it doesn't quite fit the context of the narrative. And we just saw Rey give Leia the saber, so it doesn't quite pack the emotional punch it ought to when Leia gives it back so quickly before Rey has "earned" it. WASTE.

Kylo with the Knights of Ren, re-forging the mask he discarded in the last movie with the help of someone from... Planet of the Apes, I guess. Oh, hey, and there's no context or characterization for the Knights, they're just faceless background minions.

Also, WHY DO THE STORMTROOPERS CALL THEM "GHOULS"? That would actually be interesting to know why!!!

This movie is a bunch of ideas held together with duct tape and the barest streams of logic.

The moff council: most awkward meeting ever. Hux is legit trying not to laugh the entire time. Also, you can easily pick out the New Asshole Villain we're supposed to hate instead.

Kylo snaps at the one moff who actually asks a sensible question, lol, about Palpatine's ulterior motives. Kylo announces he's going to just fuck off with his biker gang to hunt for Rey, because it's not like he's Supreme Leader and actually in charge of anything...

Oh, hey, Space Burning Man. How about that. Poe actually facepalms, lol. ... How did they not notice that when they were landing??

There are just random First Order patrols on Pasaana? Really? Wouldn't they... I don't know, stand out? I need more context, this worldbuilding is so confusing.

Oh, fuck, Poe suggests they split the party, that's a terrible idea. I get that you're supposed to be a spymaster as well as a hotshot pilot, and your colleagues aren't exactly subtle, but...

All the aliens on Pasaana look like Ganesha, lol. I actually like the scene with the kid, because you can see how it pains Rey not to have a family--it's a good scene, it's just in the wrong place.

Geh. Time for more Force(d) Skype sessions with Kylo Ren, sigh.

"Serving another master?" Rey has Kylo's number 100% right there.

Oh, okay, so apparently they saw each other's worst moments in that vision sequence, got it. Still no good reason as to why, though or what Darth Vader’s mask had to do with it. 

Kylo sounds like such a stalker here. Scratch that--he IS a fucking stalker here. I don't find that attractive at all. "When I offer you my hand again, you'll take it" is a THREAT, and I want to deck him, especially since it’s very clear it will come true (but the context will have changed, which is supposed to make it okay, but is still gross to me). 

What the fuck it got worse, he actually touched her and pulled the necklace off GROSS. (Also, HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE???? Didn’t Luke die from pushing himself through space like that???)

Like how does the stormtrooper just start pointing a gun at them and nobody in the crowd notices? And nobody bats an eye when Lando shoots the stormtrooper, either. What?? And that stormtrooper was just patrolling by... himself? WHAT?

This fetch quest is SO STUPID whhhhhhyyyyyyyyy

Makes sense that Luke would hunt down a "Jedi Killer" except... what Jedi did this Ochi fucking kill? All of Luke's students died when Kylo destroyed the temple, so who was left to kill???? I DON'T GET IT. Also, is Ochi a Sith himself, or just in the employ of the Sith? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

How does Poe know where Lurch Canyon is? Do they have local planetary maps in the Falcon??

Poe would 100% know how to hotwire a speeder. But why do they have to take two of them??

How come this is the first time FINN has seen a FO stormtrooper with jetpacks? Is he mad that they never gave him one???

Personal jetpacks are one of those things that sound cool, but are actually really difficult to work with in practice, lol. I can't imagine strapping something that explosive against my back.

Wait, Rey is able to shoot out an entire craft with a small hand blaster??

Ochi's ship is just... there. On the rocks. the entire time. I guess there aren't any scavengers on Pasaana.

Conveniently, they only start sinking in the sand once the trooper is no longer firing.

"Rey, I never told you..." what?

what is the point of the exchange with General Leia to build tension wtf. But Rose is just there, I guess!  

Poe's eyeroll when Rey turns on the lightsaber and he flicks on his lamp and realizes... hers is bigger. LOL.

Poe is so jealous of Finn and Rey, it would be cute if he weren't an asshole about it. Finn's like "tell us about all the shifty stuff you do" which would make more sense if the films actually showed us spymaster stuff in action instead of just talking about it most of the time. (Yes, I know, there was that mission to get the map at the beginning of TFA, but that was... it? And also two movies ago, so hasn't played a role in character development since. FINN got the spy mission in the last film.)

that dagger is... just conveniently there, huh.

Rey gets a vision when she picks up the dagger, she is TOTALLY A PSYCHOMETRIST, fight me.

Why would you put the location of the wayfinder on a dagger, this makes no fucking sense, this fetch quest is so dumbbbbbbbbbb. Also Threepio's programming is such a STUPID OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME on so many levels gaaaaaahhhh.

We're a half-hour in, and most of the movie so far could have been cut without missing ANY of it, fuck.

Threepio yelling "Serpent!" is actually kinda funny to me, but not in this particular context.

I really love the serpent-creature-sandworm-thing and I'm just sad this side quest has so little relationship to anything in the actual main plot because THIS COULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING. Also, convenient healing magic time! (Introduced here so it seems like less of an asspull later.)

Rey is just so casual about how she transferred a bit of her life energy to the worm. Does it come back? Is it renewable? Is this permanent? I NEED MORE CONTEXT THAT THIS. I feel like I would be hella shaken to realize I’d just done something like this.

If the Knights of Ren had any distinguishing features or personalities, I'd be more nervous about them, but no, they're just mooks with better armor.

So they just assume the FO is watching the Falcon instead of impounding it? Seems like a bold choice, but okay. And what are the Pits of Grig?

Between the lightsaber when Rey was healing the worm and her bag and staff just now, Finn is really just there to carry Rey's things, isn't he? What a WASTE. I HATE THIS SO MUCH.

And the Sith ship... just works. Hasn't been scavenged or damaged at all in years. Okay then.

Gotta admit, I love Rey wandering off into the desert, lightsaber on her belt and blaster on her side holster like a badass.

Finn says, "It's Ren," and I'm like YEAH FINN, but also.. how does he know? Lucky guess? Process of elimination. LET HIM HAVE THE FORCE YOU COWARDS.

Oh, the FO captured Chewie and now they conveniently have the dagger. Sigh. THIS STUPID FETCH QUEST.

Rey's leap over Kylo's TIE is fucking EPIC and I love it. Sadly, Kylo is not dead for some reason despite his ship fucking exploding.

Also FUCK YEAH Rey just grabbed the ship out of the SKY with the FORCE, she is not fucking around. Of course Kylo starts playing tug of war and it explodes, and everyone's devastated except there were TWO TRANSPORTS in the last shot, so I'm just like... I see what you did there.

Also, the same thing happened the LAST time Kylo and Rey tried to play tug of war with an object (the Skywalker lightsaber, which Rey re-built off-screen, so you'd be forgiven for forgetting that happened--which again, would have actually been interesting instead of all the handoffs to/from Leia) so LITERALLY NOTHING HAS CHANGED, so I don’t even understand what the writers are trying to accomplish here.

Also, why does Kylo go for the ship instead of trying to Force choke her directly?? I don't get it.

i'm sad she doesn't bring the transport down on his fucking head, lol.

Wait. Force lightning. She pulls FORCE LIGHTNING??? wtfffffffffffffff?

Where the FUCK did Kylo go while Rey's angsting over Chewie? Was he even there to begin with? What is reality in this movie? What the FUCK??? (Normally, questioning reality would be my jam, but that's not supposed to be a theme of this movie.)

Nope, he's just standing there, not attacking her, because... why?? He's scared and horny because she blasted Force Lightning, and he thinks she's about to turn it on him? (I WISH.)

And he just... lets her go... WHY????????????

Meanwhile, in an asteroid field, Finn and Rey are having a moment, and it's really sweet, and maybe it's just my shipping goggles talking, but would this pairing have been so bad? It would have been so great instead of what we're getting with Kylo. Sigh.

Rey also has a vision of the throne room of the Sith with her and Ren as emperor and empress, gag, gag, gag. John Boyega looks so sad, here, and dude, #same.

Threepio uses the word "sinful" to describe the procedure they're going to use on him, which... actually says a lot about droids in this universe and I am drowning in feels.

SO NOW THEY'RE GOING TO KIJIMI FOR THIS STUPID FETCH QUEST AAARRRRGGGHHHHH dagger macguffin blew up and this quest is still not ovvvveerrrrrr

(I actually don't hate this movie as much as I hated TLJ - this is still dumb, but it's dumb in a way that is just dumb, as opposed to TLJ, which was still dumb but trying to be clever and smart and special and sophisticated about by winking knowingly as it "subverted expectations" by shafting all of my faves. This movie doesn't have the self-awareness to wink.)

They all clasp hands and I'm supposd to feel something but I don't because the group bond doesn't feel real to me or developed or EARNED, and also Threepio rushes in to join them and they're about to shaft him (and he already had that conversation with Artoo about how Artoo was his only real friend, sob). sigggghhhhhhhh.

They only have 8 hours to save the world and it takes HOW long to fly to Kijimi in that derelict ship? Just asking.

But somebody EVVILLLL was following them the whole time, lolololol.

D-O looks like a lamp, but he and BB-8 bond over being Round Things, I guess.

Rey tries to reassure D-O that he's safe, but considering what they're going to Kijimi to do to Threepio, I'm not buying it.

(Apparently, since Han and Luke are dead, and Leia's off-limits for the moment, it's Threepio who gets shafted in this film? Sigh.)

I actually like the landscape of Kijimi, even though it feels more like Disney World with fascism and snow than an actual place. Maybe it's just because Poe looks so good in that hooded jacket.

Zorri can't resist Poe when he looks at her like that. Oscar Isaac's just that good. I literally don't know why this character is here except to provide an unncessary love interest, though.

Poe as a spice runner (aka drug smuggler) is SO STUPID and also MAKES NO SENSE WITH THE REST OF HIS ESTABLISHED BACKSTORY. Also, like... way to make the Latinx character the classic stereotype even in a futuristic space film. Like, you have to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to do that. gag

Funny that Rey doesn't ask the translator droid WHO'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER what Babu Frik says.

So Sith is a language now? Why do the Sith have their own secret language and the Jedi don't? What are the Sith in nu!canon? A culture? A cult? Is the Rule of Two still canon? WTF is even going on here??

Threepio deciding to sacrifice himself to save the world breaks my heart, especially since he's trying to console himself by calling the party his "friends". YOU DESERVED BETTER, THREEPIO, I'M SO SORRY.

Poe and Zorri are up on the rooftop... she's still wearing her helmet. I'm not sure why you cast a famous actor if you're never going to show their face, but whatever, fine. Zorii says the FO took all the kids, and she's going to the "Colonies", whatever that means. I'm not sure how that's possible, this world-building really sucks. Would they take ALL the kids? Somehow, I doubt it. Even the rich kids? What about the non-human ones? What is the FO's relationship to Kijimi, anyway??? I DON'T GET IT.

Oh, hai, another macguffin. This one's a FO captain's medallion, which lets you land anywhere. And she's just going to give it to Poe because...  he's just that hot.

Why did the Emperor put a wayfinder on ENDOR of all places. (Okay, it's not the "forest moon" of ROTJ, it's Kef Bir or something like that, but still. WTF.)

We're an hour in and this fetch quest is still GOING. WHHHHHHHHYYYYY.

I'm surprised Rey hasn't realized that Palpatine has made contact with Kylo and doesn't just fed-ex herself to him and pretend to join him so they can go visit and she can destroy Palps. I mean, that TOTALLY worked in the last film, right??? Why wouldn't she do that again???

(Alternately, there's stealing Kylo's wayfinder, which again nobody seems to consider as an option. Do they not know about that one? I'm sooooo confused.)

"Only this blade tells" is super-creepy in that robotic monotone, y'all.

There is literally NO REASON for Zorii to give up her dreams  by proxy through the medallion macguffin except that Poe is so hot. No reason at all. Sigh. SHE COULD COME WITH THEM BUT SHE DOESN'T, BECAUSE PLOT. She’s literally a living plot device instead of a character and I hate it.

[fates-theysband]

Chronophobia

Rating: T

Ship: Aeren Chapman/Tim Stoker (vaguely alluded to; this is more of a narrative oc profile)

Warnings: mentions of decapitation and vivisection, vaguely described gore, blood, head trauma, canon-typical thanatophobia triggers, more than canon-typical swearing (not in that order)

i literally am not capable of just writing a fic, it all has to be vaguely epistolary bs like “craigslist missed connection” and “basically a script for an episode of tma”. Jon’s dialogue is in bold, to make up for the fact that there’s not a single dialogue tag in this whole mess

--

"Statement of Avery Chapman, regarding the bizarre events preceding the death of their twin sibling Aeren Chapman. Statement taken direct from subject, twenty-third June two thousand and sixteen. Statement begins."

"Look, this isn't going to cast me in a great light to start off with, but I lied to get in the door. I mean, can you blame me? If I had let me in, and I’d heard the truth, I would've been like, 'We don't have time for pranksters, come back when you have an actual statement to give.' Because, I mean, come on. What I'm about to tell you sounds like bullshit. The truth is, I'm not Avery Chapman, and my statement has nothing to do with any events from before Aeren died. So, let me give you a more accurate version of what you just said."

"Statement of Aeren Chapman, regarding the bizarre events following their own untimely death. There, now it's on the record. Let's get into it.”

"My entire life, I could hear a ticking clock. Not literally. But I was always thinking about the time. How long would it take to do this? How much time until that? Will I be able to do everything I want or need before time runs out? Nobody really understood, of course. From the day I was old enough to even communicate that kind of feeling, all I ever heard was, 'Don't worry, you're young! You have all the time in the world!' And it was the same, right up until the end. I mean, guess that's not really fair to my folks. They tried to get me help, usually in the form of allergy meds that kind of had anti-anxiety properties in low lighting if you were really trying to see 'em. I've never been a cheap drunk and since my grandpappy on my mom’s side was, every psych I went to see was too scared of the Ghost of Addictions Past to give me anything that worked. So instead, I lived with the clock. And I got really good at pretending it wasn't there. Sometimes I could even enjoy the moment."

"That changed when I got older, of course. I'm from the US, if you couldn't tell from the...everything about me, and you probably can at least guess how it is over there. Go, go, go, until you drop dead if necessary, to appease the almighty money line. And unlike with school, with work you don't exactly get summers off. So that ticking clock came back full force. I remember, one time, my roommates and I were going to get carry-out and watch a movie, and I had work in the morning. One of my roommates, Jace, went out to pick up the food, and I guess he got stuck in traffic or something, because he didn't get back for an hour and all I could think was 'that's one less hour I have to actually relax before I have to get up and go back to work tomorrow', and I was on edge the entire rest of the night. Couldn't enjoy the movie, was short with Jace and Holly every time they tried to make conversation...just being a real irritable asshole."

"That was pretty close to when it happened, actually. Maybe a few weeks or so. I guess that would explain a lot. It doesn't matter what happened to me the night I died. All you really need to know is that it was violent, gruesome, and traumatic. For some reason, it didn't even register to me that I was dying until I realized I could hear the ticking, for real this time. With every single step it got louder and louder, matching pace with my feet staggering down the pavement as my body was basically falling apart below me, until I finally rounded a corner and collapsed. And then the ticking stopped, and I looked up."

"I could see a skeleton sitting in front of me, but...not the way a corpse would be sitting. Not the way I was sitting. They were sitting criss-cross applesauce, and for how old and dusty the bones looked I was shocked to see that they were dressed pretty young for, you know, a skeleton. Big skirt, peace sign shirt, hippie headband, that kind of thing. Could've died in the seventies, could have died last year. I didn't get to really figure that out before they motioned to the things laid out in front of them. Game tokens. Not an exhaustive amount of them, but I could see a chess piece, a die, and a deck of cards. All bone, because apparently every single psychopomp’s a corny bastard. I tried to decline. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I was sick of the clock and I couldn't see an upside to going back to it. They laughed at me. Not out loud, but they made the motions. Then they urged me to pick a token again. Asshole."

"By the way, turns out Death knows Yahtzee. I wouldn't say I expected to win. I wasn't even sure I hoped to win. All I wanted was an end to the not knowing. I figured something out that night, Archivist. It’s not death humans are afraid of, it’s uncertainty. If we knew for sure exactly what happened after we died, I don’t think anyone would be afraid to die.”

“Guess this goes without saying, but I won. Didn’t even cheat, just got a few really good rolls. I didn’t really know what to expect; I figured my insides would knit themselves back together and I’d rejoin the world of the living instead of playing Yahtzee with a hippie skeleton in a dark alley on a street that was normally a hell of a lot busier. That I’d go back to the miserable job and the crappy apartment and the ticking clock. But that isn’t what happened. If it was I would’ve taken this whole experience to my permanent grave. I mean, someone’s insides got knitted back together that night. But they weren’t mine. I watched the flesh fall off my bones as the skeleton in the long skirt became more and more alive, until a flesh-and-blood girl who couldn’t have been older than me stood up and left the alley. I think she said something to me as she was leaving. I want to say it was ‘forgive me’, but I’m thinking it was ‘better you than me’. For some reason I wasn’t scared or sad or anything but relieved. It sounds fucked up, I know, but have you ever lived a life where you had nothing to look forward to? At least with this I could see a way out.”

“I won’t bore you describing the interim. You look like a smart guy, you’re probably familiar with what the Grim Reaper does. What matters is how I got all the meat back. And why I’m wearing this massive coat and knit cap in June.” “You see, most people in the few years I did this were partial to the chance games, or low-skill board games. Roulette was a big one. So was blackjack. Someone got smart and tried Candyland once. But only one person ever picked chess.”

“He was maybe mid-thirties. Wasn’t really sure what had happened to him but he was covered in blood and terrified. I’d say ‘scared to death’ but that seems gauche. I don’t understand chess beyond the basic object of the game and what the different pieces can do, but even I could tell this guy was either terrible at chess or not in the right mental place to be making strategic decisions in a game for his life. Or both. Both is always an option."

“I could have wiped the floor with him, even with my lack of skill. He pretty much put his king in check by himself, all I did was avoid his clumsy attempts to capture my pieces. Here’s where you probably think I’m about to say ‘this is where I got sloppy’ or some shit like that. No. I knew exactly what I was doing and I meant to do it.” 

“I’d say it was agonizingly long, but really, any amount of time is agonizingly long when the action is ‘playing chess in complete silence under a bridge somewhere in London’. But after the most frustrating game of my life, my clueless savior checkmated me. I told him I was sorry as I left. I don't know if he heard me over the screaming."

"Just like that, it was over. Quick trip to a library told me it had been about three years since I won the most important game of Yahtzee ever, and that same quick trip found me an extended family member in the area who didn't ask too many questions. Weird, really. Always thought my dad was an only child. But that's beside the point. Since becoming flesh again a few months ago, I haven't heard the ticking clock, metaphorically or literally. I suffered the agony of death and the indignity of reaping, and came out the same as I've ever been.”

“Or so I thought. Here’s the thing: whatever chose me that night didn’t like that ending for me. The dying are supposed to try to cheat Death. It’s in their nature. If they win by successfully cheating, more power to them. But Death is impartial. Death isn’t supposed to cheat. And Death certainly isn’t supposed to get clever and throw the game. Which brings me to the main reason I'm here, I guess. Give me a moment."

[There is a sound of a heavy coat hitting the floor]

"I normally don't wear tank tops, but in this case it's kind of important that I show as much as I can. Check this out."

[There is a sound of something unzipping]

"They unzip into shorts. Best sixteen pounds I ever spent. Would've just worn shorts, but with how big this coat is I would've looked like a flasher. And now, off with the hat. Don't freak out."

"Good god, what happened to you!?"

"I literally JUST said not to freak out, dude. Impressive you managed to keep it together up until the bleeding head wound though. A lesser man might have said that when he saw the sutures."

"None of this stuff actually happened to me, of course. Not in the sense that I was ever actually physically vivisected or beheaded or whacked in the head hard enough to crack my skull. These just happen to me. I wake up with them, for the most part. And...well, I'll spare you the gruesome stuff, but they're not stitched up neatly when I get them. Thank god Cousin Jesse's a passable seamstress, because hospitals tend to lose their shit when you bring in a patient who's still up walking around with several fatal wounds and no detectable pulse. Not something I want to deal with twice."

"So that's the whole story, I guess. I broke the rules, and now I'm suffering the consequences. The wounds go away, after a while. At first I thought it was mercy, but now I know it's because if some of them didn't disappear there eventually wouldn't be enough left of me to keep punishing. And, I'm not exactly an expert, but I think I'm supposed to suffer the damage from every single gruesome, unimaginably painful death that's ever happened to a human being before I'll be free. That's a lot of deaths. Good thing I have all the time in the world, I guess."

"Statement ends."

“Awesome. Is that all you need from me?”

“I believe so.”

“Great. Let me just get all my coverups back on...”

“Don’t forget your...trouser legs.”

“Of course not.”

[There is a sound of something zipping.]

“Uh, if I don’t see him on my way out, can you tell that hot guy with the undercut who showed me the way to your office that I’m sorry I ran into him? I turned the corner too fast and damn near hip-checked the poor guy into a wall. Not a great first impression.”

“I suppose so.”

“Thanks a bunch. I’d ask you to give him my number, too, buuuut right now I only have a home phone. Oh well. Later, skater.”

[Click.]