#The Most Attractive Thing About A Man Is His Emotional Unavailability

[seeker-ophelia]

Its me, I'm girls.

girls when they remember that tevinter nights reveals that

1. solas can kill people in their sleep, large groups of people all at once, including dwarves, by giving them dreams so horrifying they bleed out of their ears and die

2. he has a massive network of spies and agents that do his bidding across all of thedas and speak about him with reverence like a true god. one blesses a fellow fallen elf by saying “the dread wolf guide your soul to peace, brother”

3. solas’s dread wolf form looks like a combination of a pride demon, a wolf, and a dragon, “lupine in appearance but the size of a high dragon, with shaggy spiked hide and six burning eyes like a pride demon” and he can fly around the fade on “wings of fire” that disperse into an army of demons/spirits

4. he shows up in this form to terrorize a group of mortalitasi who were binding spirits for a ritual, and says “YOU MEDDLE PAST YOUR UNDERSTANDING, FOOLISH MORTAL MAGES, AND IN DOING SO, YOU THREATEN ALL CREATION. YOU USE MY IDOL CARELESSLY TO VANDALIZE THE SEA OF DREAMS. NOW FEEL THE PAIN OF WHAT YOU HAVE CREATED. FROM THIS MOMENT, SHOULD YOU EVER BIND A SPIRIT, THEN YOUR LIFE IS MINE.”

[ghostboneswrites2]

Crush

This one is for the sensitive girlies with emotional regulation issues that find themselves hopelessly attracted to emotionally unavailable men. (Aka me) Idk how I feel about it tbh. We’ll see.

Summary: While on a Rick-ordered fishing trip with Daryl, things are tense and uncomfortable. Emotions run high, things are said. (Prison Era)

Warnings: fem!reader / age gap (reader is in her early-mid 20s) / swearing / dramatic and angsty / mean!Daryl

Masterlist // Taglist

Seductive Summer - D.D. Fic Challenge

Dividers by sister-lucifer

A bead of sweat trickled down your temple as you licked your lips, mouth dry from the hot sun. You blinked, eyes fixated on rough hands and bulging muscles as the thin fabric of a black button-up struggled to contain their mass. He moved with precision, callouses delicately threading the line through the pretentiously small hole of the fishing hook.

“Ya gonna help or sit there lickin’ your lips like a bitch in heat?” Daryl finally snapped, growing tired of the sensation of lustful eyes boring into him. In a feeble attempt to mask your shame, you rolled your eyes and huffed, annoyedly picking up a hook to thread your own line through.

This wasn’t a rare occurrence. If anything, it was the norm. Daryl, the handsome but brooding archer, simply trying to complete whatever tasks had been delegated to him on any given day, while the young twenty-something years old Y/N gawks at his physique. It got under his skin, to say the least. He was a man of responsibility, and he found his inner workings far too complex for some little girl with a childish crush to ever understand.

He’d allow it for some time — the stares, the gnawing of your lips, the way you tended to linger around wherever he went — and then the flattery would wear off quickly, and he’d be sure to make it known. It wasn’t like it was a secret that you adored him. He knew it, you knew it, everyone did. You could barely keep your eyes off him from the moment you met him.

Still, despite the judgmental onlookers and his not-so-subtle lack of fondness for you, you just couldn’t help your thirst. To put it simply, you were down bad.

When Daryl had finished his half of the lines he moved on to fashioning small fish traps to place in the stream. He noticed you seemed lost in thought, attention set on the task at hand for once, instead of his big arms and broad chest, or the way his sweat always perfectly follows the framework of his—

“Ya draggin’ your ass on purpose?” He asked, breaking you free from your thoughts.

“I’ll finish when I finish.” You fired back.

That was another thing that irked him to his core. You were so childish. Any hint of criticism or expression of his discomfort always resulted in you sulking or catching an attitude. He didn’t have time to coddle your feelings.

He shrugged you off and focused on nestling the first trap strategically between some stones. As he worked his way down to the last trap, he wondered to himself why Rick always sent you out to fish with him. As previously mentioned, everyone knew how you felt about Daryl, including Rick. Most people also knew that the feeling was not mutual, and in fact, there might have even been some resentment on Daryl’s end.

Truth be told, Daryl didn’t exactly know why it was such an issue. Aside from your youth, which he felt he did not share, you were fairly pleasant in the beginning. Your sweet grin and generous nature weren’t exactly unwelcome at first. It wasn’t until your efforts became too blatant that he felt himself physically recoil at the sound of your voice. As soon as he noticed that people were catching on, watching in awe every time you’d approach him with some fresh water or a snack, a flip switched in his mind. You were no longer a lovely addition to his daily proceedings, but a nuisance to his inner peace.

That was when you changed, too. You noticed the contrast in behavior immediately. It was a talent of yours — or maybe a curse — to be so perceptive. You’d been that way your whole life. Always walking on eggshells, analyzing every word spoken or facial expression made.

When Daryl’s friendliness transformed into indifference, you found yourself trying harder and harder, only to feel more and more disappointment with each failed attempt at gaining his affections. You frequently scolded yourself for the pathetic behavior, which was what you were doing while you slowly threaded fishing lines through the hooks. Any woman with respect for herself would have abandoned ship at the first signs of angry seas, but you were the kind of captain that preferred to drown with her vessel.

Soon enough you’d finished with your hooks and Daryl had placed the last trap. With haste, you both worked to tie worms to the hooks and cast the lines, hoping by this time tomorrow to be returning to camp with a fish dinner. The stream was half a days hike east of the prison, so usually teams of two would take a two or three day ‘vacation’, as Glenn and Maggie would call it, and bring back as much fish as they could.

Once all eight lines were cast, you planted your makeshift rods in the dirt and got to work building a campfire while Daryl hurried to try and get a few squirrels to eat. At least, that was his excuse. In reality, Carol had packed enough food for the both of you. He just wanted to get away.

By nightfall, he was back, cleaning a raccoon and preparing it for the fire. You already had the tent pitched and water boiling to drink, so you were just relaxing with you feet in the cold creek.

Daryl was nice enough to let you know when the raccoon was ready, so you ate at the fire with him in silence.

“I’ll take watch tonight.” Daryl announced as he shoveled the last piece of meat into his mouth.

“You take watch every time.” You pointed out. It was true, he always kept watch on fishing trips.

“What, ya wanna stay up all night? Be my guest.” He retorted.

“I’m not saying that, I’m just saying you don’t have to stay up every time.” You droned.

“Well it ain’t like ya ever volunteer.” He scoffed.

“Because you always do it first.”

“Yeah, ‘cause ya never speak up the whole day we’re workin’.” He argued.

“Okay well I’m volunteering now.”

“Well, forget it, ‘cause I already said I’d do it.”

“Fine.” You shrugged.

With a huff, you pushed yourself off the ground, swiping dry leaves from your jeans as you marched over to the tent to retrieve a sleeping bag for Daryl. You dropped it on the ground beside him. It landed with a soft thud.

“The hell’s that for?” He asked.

“Use it or don’t. I don’t care. Carol packed it for you.” You said bitterly.

You retired to the tent after that, working on taking your gun apart and putting it back together for practice. When you grew tired of that, you dug in your bag for a cigarette and stealthily unzipped your tent, scanning the coast for any signs of Daryl and his deep scowl that he seemingly reserved for you only. The fire had died down to smoky ember, but you could just barely make out the stillness in the dark. Nothing was moving, which meant Daryl had probably stalked off somewhere, and you could be alone.

You never really liked being alone, but at least you were free to be yourself, unperceived by others.

You found yourself a nice stump to sit on before you lit the cigarette, savoring the first drag before slowly exhaling.

“That best not be one of mine.” A husky voice startled you from the dark. Your attention snapped toward the trees as his looming figure emerged from the shadows. You rolled your eyes and turned away again.

“You mean the stale ones you lifted off a rotting body? No thanks.” You snarked.

“Whatever.” He tutted, twitching his neck to flip some hair out of his eyes. You could hear his footsteps fading away behind you as you tried to enjoy your smoke without his miserable aura around to cloud up the fresh air. To your surprise, he returned moments later with a cigarette of his own. He leaned back against a tree across from you, sliding down until his ass hit the ground. His face illuminated behind the flame as he flicked his zippo open. Subtly, you watched while the shadows danced across his chiseled features as he guided the tip of his cigarette into the flame with his lips.

With a metallic click, the lighter flipped shut and he was shrouded in darkness once more. Your eyes thoughtlessly followed the small red orb of his cherry as he pulled on his cigarette and dropped his hands back into his lap. He didn’t say anything, and it was a tad too dark to really be able to tell, but you knew he was watching you, just as you were watching him. The minutes ticked by as your cigarette faded to ash. Just as you leaned down to snuff the butt in the dirt, he cleared his throat.

“‘M gon’ tell Rick not to send ya out here with me no more.” He informed you.

“Why?” You asked defensively.

“‘Cause you’re too slow. I’ll get more done with someone else.” He explained.

“Like who?” You insisted.

“Like someone who ain’t so distracted.” He sighed with exasperation. He didn’t really even know why he told you that. He was considering telling Rick not to send you with him anymore, but he hadn’t really decided one way or another yet. He guessed he just had to cause tension to keep himself from staring at you too long.

“Yeah.” You scoffed. “That’s why.”

“Well, why the hell else would it be?” He snapped.

“You just don’t wanna be around me.” You mumbled.

“Maybe I wouldn’t mind it if you’d act like a fuckin’ adult!” He raised his voice now, and you regretted saying anything. He could sense you shrinking back from his harsh tone, which only angered him more. “All ya do is stare at me all fuckin’ day and pout like a schoolgirl when ya don’t get your way!”

Tears welled at the rim of your eyes, sniffling as you swallowed a lump in your throat. You hated being yelled at, being cornered, being made to feel like a vulnerable child. You hated that he could affect you that way.

Quickly, the pain and anxiety melted away. You began to feel angry. Enraged, even, at the fact that he could treat you so harshly. What had you done to deserve that? Why did he think it was okay to be so cruel?

A rush of adrenaline washed over you as you abruptly stood to your feet, trembling as your emotions overcame you.

“Excuse me for trying! For being kind! For putting up with your piss-poor attitude and still thinking the fucking world of you! All I do is try to treat you the way I wish someone would treat me! No matter how fucking awful you are to me!” You shouted, bitter and full of resentment.

“So why the hell do ya still try?!” He shouted back, pushing himself off the ground and towering over you. In the dark, your most visible feature was your big wet eyes glistening in the natural light of the moon. His eyes flickered between them, somewhat intimidating by how expressive they were. A man like him spent his whole life perfecting his mask, hiding his true feelings from the world, protecting them beneath the surface of his hardened shell.

“Because I love, Daryl!” You shrieked, voice coarse from strain. “I love. I have so much love to give and nowhere to fucking put it! And — and I see you and I see a man who’s never felt love and I—“ You paused to let out a sob and catch your breath. “Because for whatever reason, I saw you and decided you were the one that I needed to love and that doing so would make everything else make sense.”

Daryl seemed taken aback by your confession. He didn’t know how to process any of it, so he instead decided to push you away even more.

“I don’t need your fuckin’ love, alright?” He spat, emphasizing the word love as if the word disgusted him. “I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.”

His words stung as they approached you from gritted teeth. The blow was harsh enough o knock you down from your rage-high.

“Well…” You croaked, sniffling as you wiped remnants of fresh tears from your cheeks. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, you found yourself at a loss of words. Maybe there was nothing else to say. “Glad we cleared things up, then.”

You spent the night silent in the tent, tears spinning down your flushed cheeks as you stared blankly at the worn fabric above you. Eventually you fell asleep, but you got little rest. Daryl gathered all the fish the next morning while you tore down the campsite. The hike back home was spent feet apart, both of you ensuring to keep your distance. Your stoic expressions didn’t go unnoticed upon returning to the prison, but luckily nobody pried. Carol, Maggie, and Beth cooked up the fish and some fresh garden veggies while you snuck off to shower and Daryl disappeared to wherever.

You skipped dinner, hiding away in your cell with a sheet hung up for privacy. You actually fell asleep fairly quick, exhausted from the vast range of emotions you experienced in such a short amount of time the night before.

Daryl, on the other hand, laid awake on his cot for a majority of the night. His mind’s eye repeated the events of the night prior, peppered with correlated instances from times passed. Carol had told him once that he was too hard on you, that you were just searching for anything that would make you feel good in such a rotten world. She was right, he knew that, and yet he could not bring himself to allow it.

He didn’t see how nobody else saw it the way he did. Would it not have been easier keep things simple? It made more sense to him for things to remain above the surface level, where emotions and deep connections could not harm either of you. To grow attached in this world was surely a fools game. So why did everyone seem so hell-bent on making friends and falling in love? Why were they willing to take the risk?

He was exhausted the next morning. By the time he fell asleep the sun was creeping over the horizon. You were a bit better off after a full night of sleep. Your eyes were less puffy than the day before, and your stomach was aching for a bite to eat. Daryl had no appetite or energy. He stayed in bed well past noon.

You didn’t see him until dinner that night, not that you were looking. For the first time in a while, you decided to allow yourself some peace.

Since you’d slept so well the night before, you offered to take over watch for Carol, which she accepted gratefully. You brought yourself a cigarette and one of the books from the library to entertain yourself. Just as you settled in and got comfortable in the tower, the hatch opened and Daryl emerged with his own items for amusement.

You didn’t say anything as he lifted himself up. You just watched him quizzically. He paused when he noticed you sitting there.

“I got watch tonight. Told Rick.” He informed you.

“I took over for Carol.” You countered blandly.

“Well you’re relived.” He pushed.

“No thanks.” You brushed him off.

“Ain’t askin’.” He said.

“I was here first.” You shrugged, lighting your cigarette and flipping to the first chapter of your book.

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere so ya might as well get on.” He urged.

“I’m sure the fence could use some relief from the walkers.” You suggested.

“So why don’t ya go and take care of ‘em?” He retorted.

“Because I’m on watch.” You countered.

Daryl sighed in defeat.

“Got an extra one o’ those?” He asked, gesturing toward the cigarette.

“Only brought the one.” You replied.

“Look,” he began, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “‘M sorry I was an asshole, but it can’t be the way ya want it to be.”

“And what way did I want it?” You quirked a brow.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Make shit hard. Ya always do that.”

“So then the simple solution would be to leave me alone. I get it. You don’t want me.”

“It ain’t about wantin’ you, girl!” He groaned in exasperation. “It’s about protectin’ you! Protectin’ me! Protectin’ everyone!”

His chest rose and fell as his fists clenched at his sides. You stared up at him and fawned under his blazing eyes.

“We can’t… I can’t.” He insisted.

Silence consumed you both in the night. The tension was so palpable that it drowned out the nightly buzz of crickets and frogs in the trees. Daryl felt he had said too much already. He should have just let you hate him and left it be. He couldn’t, though. As much as he wanted to be cold, hard, and arrogant, he was very much a soft soul with a longing for genuine connection.

With a deep sigh and an expression of defeat, he retreated back to his cell without another word to you.

To be continued… Maybe??

tags: @kissmeunicornbaobei @thesadcatt0 @clairealeehelsing @duckybird101 @tmntfixationxreader @ryoujoking @blackvelveteen1339 @yondus-girl @ladylincoln @sunshinebug9 @saylum559 @yoowhatthefuck @duffmckagansbandana @celtic-crossbow @virginsexgod69 @dazzling-roaring-20s @l0kilaufeys0n7 @uhnanix @superbowlisgay @liizzygrant @eddiemunsonsupremecy

[galene-gothic]

“you need to belong to you”

romanticise yourself, not celebrities:

i’ll start by saying that fans sexualising the one direction members at liam payne’s funeral, as if it was not a funeral but a normal appearance is truly disheartening and disgusting. it shows how far we have strayed away from ourselves, how far we have strayed away from basic human decency, empathy and understanding. fans singing ‘strip that down’ after he passed away in his memory or supposedly to honour him needs to be studied too (like literally, there’s no way people are that stupid, it’s like our ability to understand what’s appropriate and what’s not has been completely erased from within us). another thing is how after he passed away everyone started harassing his ex girlfriend who talked about his allegedly abusive behaviour as if it was her fault. “he was so much receiving hate” or maybe he was being held accountable for something that he may have done? it’s always ‘girl’s girl’, ‘women support women’ and ‘always believe the victim’ until your favourite is involved.

also, something that has been really acceptable recently (especially in the entertainment industry) has been home-wrecking. i genuinely think that the man is more at fault in such situations but that doesn’t mean that we don’t hold the woman accountable because it is very dishonourable to be attracted to unavailable people even if they are the ones coming onto you. even if you’re attracted, you’re supposed to have enough self respect and discernment to not just go with the flow of emotions and instincts. the most unfortunate of it all is how we abandon basic human decency and morals in order to defend these celebrities. yes, i’m talking about people who make excuses “but she just dated someone’s ex”. yes, two weeks after the guy had a break up with his previous girlfriend and they were already talking. also, being with a man who has a son who’s around two years old and an ex girlfriend (a single mother at that), and singing “too bad your ex don’t do it for you” is just not it. it is their life and they’re celebrities, and this is not intended to be a post of hatred. i just hope that us humans as a collective have the understanding of right from wrong. let’s stop over-idealising celebrities and defending everything they do. taeil, a former nct member who turned out to be a sex offender despite his sweet and innocent public persona, and the burning sun scandal are all proof of how illusionary it all truly is. the diddy situation is proof that maybe just maybe, your life is better than theirs. yes, you may not possess enormous wealth or fame, you may not be regarded as a sex icon, or whatever it may be.

let’s learn how to see our blessings in the present moment even if it is hard and especially learn how to center our lives around ourselves. we are allowed to look up to celebrities, watch them and like them but let’s not separate from our life, truth, morality and integrity in favour of celebrities - ranging from pop stars to k-pop idols to actors and actresses. we should not think that we are better than them either but we should know ourselves enough to know that we are as great as we can be, that will come with time and practice. lastly, we should become less digital and more present, go out for a walk, try and touch grass even if it’s by yourself, without the company of anyone else. learn how to make a star of yourself. you do not need to be a celebrity or even just good looking to try and be your best self. now read the previous line again, the goal is to be ‘your best self’ and the first step to being that is going to require being yourself first. also, being your own because the body is just a vessel, do you really belong to you or are you easily consumed by others and circumstances? it is impossible to not be affected by your circumstances and surroundings at all but two people who go through the exact same situation or similar ones will come out of it differently - one will be at a loss, unable to even have a personal moral code or values, or even if they want to be a certain way, feel a certain way or maintain a certain mindset and life, they aren’t able to do so while the other person will grow to become more whole, they develop stronger morals and values, and are not only able to live accordingly but also instill the same onto others, not by words but through actions because nothing is more effective than leading by example. so, you need to belong to you, always. even if you admire others, you need to belong to you. even if you are curious about others, you need to belong to you. even if you desire connections, you need to belong to you.

[depravitycentral]

Yandere! Illumi Zoldyck General Profile

Yandere! Illumi Zoldyck x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, non-con, breaking and entering, slight somnophilia, misogynistic undertones, traditional gender roles, mentions of forced breeding/forced motherhood, murder, violence, lots of descriptions of killing methodologies, slight mentions of self induced wounds, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 11K

DARLING PROFILE:

Gentle

It takes Illumi a long time to develop feelings for his darling for a multitude of reasons.

Emotional unavailability, high expectations, and disinterest, just to name a few, and while he isn’t actively searching for a partner, there are a few base requirements he knows his future partner must meet.

Strong, intelligent, hard working, everything desirable that he knows both he and his family would approve of.

But once he meets his darling, his interest slightly peaked in them, that list begins changing slightly.

Because while the feelings are slow to solidify, Illumi notices quickly that his darling is so, so painfully averse to being harsh.

They’re not confrontational, treat others with a level of attentiveness and care that initially makes him scoff, and he doesn’t think he’s once seem them ever lose control of themselves and explode.

It’s uncanny, unnatural, as far as Illumi is concerned, and yet it’s fascinating. He slowly grows to admire this trait in his darling, how they can be so unconditionally soft with everything and everyone around them, eventually finding himself more and more attracted to them with every kind deed they do. It makes them weak, easy to manipulate, easy to kill, but Illumi finds it oddly endearing.

He’s always firmly believed that mothers should be nurturing to their children, to help them grow and shape them into the best versions of themselves possible, and while they’re opposite to his mother in many ways, maybe that gentility they possess is a the perfect thing needed.

Once he’s decided that his darling is his future wife, he’s immediately moving to experience this kindness for himself.

He comes back from missions with a little more blood and bruising than was necessary, but the way his darling gasps and quickly grabs the medical kit makes Illumi blink in wide fascination, unsure what drives them to eagerly spring into action but more than ready to feel their soft touch.

(They don’t need to know that Illumi allowed the target to get a few more hits in than necessary, just to keep them fawning over him as long as possible, or that he had to refuse ten different medical personnel in the mansion before making it to their shared ‘bedroom’.)

He likes the juxtaposition between his darling and him, and while it occasionally irritates him that they’re so soft and weak, it’s more endearing than anything else – just don’t be soft with anyone else but him, yes?

Smart

Illumi may be morally misguided, but the man is intelligent. He knows more about the human body than many doctors, and is skilled beyond belief in the art of combat and stealth.

He understands the best ways to go about gathering intel on a target without being traced or caught, and is able to apply that knowledge to set up traps correlating to his employers’ requests.

And this is a trait he’s simply unwilling to compromise when it comes to a partner – they must be able to keep up with him mentally.

They don’t need to have the same kind of intelligence as him, but the ability to critically think and quickly understand is a necessity. Illumi has very little patience for stupidity, and the thought of spending time with someone who doesn’t understand most of what he says is irritating.

And so, once his feelings for his darling begin appearing, Illumi is putting them through a small series of tests to make sure they live up to his expectations. It’s nothing too intense, nothing he wouldn’t be able to do himself.

He’s leaving extra clues that he’s been in his darling’s apartment – clumsy signs that he’d never normally leave, in the hopes that they’ll realize they’ve had an unwanted guest.

Cabinets are left ajar, their bed slightly unmade, though the thing that really clues them in is the presence of long, dark locks of hair around their apartment that they know aren’t theirs.

They’d never leave hair on the kitchen table; they’d see it and remove it, mildly disgusted. And yet, here three locks lay, making them a bit paranoid as they call the police.

Illumi intercepts the call, making sure it never rings through, but he’s still proud of his darling, satisfaction pooling in his chest because he just knew they’d pick up on it.

He likes knowing his darling is competent, and that their future children will be so too – the next Zoldyck heirs can’t be clueless, after all.

Generous

In general, Illumi isn’t particularly selfish with those he holds dear.

With the exception of Killua, Illumi has always willingly done as he’s been told.

He’s never demanded much from his parents, never insisting on material goods. He’s never felt cheated out of anything, either – his parents have molded him into the perfect assassin, and he couldn’t be more grateful for the rigor and training he received as a child.

And yet, once his darling enters his life, Illumi finds himself feeling strangely overwhelmed. They always seem to be giving things away – their time, bits of food they’ve cooked, their love, other things material and not alike.

It confuses Illumi; it makes him wonder why they’re wasting their resources on people they don’t know well, on those who likely wouldn’t reciprocate.

It’s a mystery, and frankly he finds his darling to be foolish for it – until one day it’s focused at him.

Illumi can’t comprehend why his darling is willingly giving away a bit of their time when they encounters him – in another body – disguised as a homeless man begging for change.

There’s a pitied look in their eye as they hand him the bills – two dollars, just what they had in change and could afford to give away – and tells him there’s a gas station nearby with cheap snacks he can eat.

Illumi just stares at them, not understanding why they’re helping, and soon he’s asking just that.

They startle and awkwardly laugh, telling him it’s because they don’t like seeing others in need, and they were only planning on spending that money to buy junk foods for themselves, anyways.

Illumi blinks, but his darling is soon speed walking away, the interaction feeling strange and uncomfortable.

Illumi still doesn’t understand, but it becomes another one of the facets of his darling that he simply learns to enjoy.

He yearns to understand what compels them to put others before themselves (something that yet again irritates him a bit), but he finds that the more he interacts with them, the more he enjoys being the recipient of it.

He’s finally receiving a bit of love and support that isn’t forced from his parents, and he quickly grows addicted.

Enjoys children 

The reality of the situation is that as Illumi’s darling, they will be forced to interact with children whether they want to or not.

Namely, their own.

Having a family with him is not optional, and Illumi will never present it as such – once he decides his darling is to be his partner, they automatically become his future wife, the future mother of his children.

He cannot be swayed, regardless of what his darling wants.

However, while it’s still possible for him to grow obsessed with a darling who isn’t especially fond of kids, it’s much more likely that he grows attracted to the ease with which they’re able to communicate with them.

He likes the way they get so happy when a child walks up to them, how they’re immediately squatting down and smiling, playing hide and seek with their own face as the child giggles and beams.

He never knew that sort of innocent and sweet interaction when he himself was a child, but he doesn’t view it as a bad thing if his darling is able to make a child happy.

It’ll only benefit them as parents – it’ll help strengthen the bond, and make their children more malleable and receptive to their guidance.

Besides, there’s something about seeing his darling next to a baby that makes his skin feel hot, eyes blowing wide and his trousers tightening.

The image just looks so right, so natural and perfect that Illumi has to hold himself back from bending them over and fucking them right then and there.

Talent with children is an incredibly attractive trait for Illumi, and likely it's the final nail in the coffin that seals his obsession with his darling – one giggling toddler is all that’s needed to seal their fate.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Stalker

More than anything, stalking you is the only method of ‘interaction’ with you that Illumi feels truly comfortable with.

He knows how to stay invisible; tracking others is easy, as is staying in the shadows and keeping that wide, unnaturally glassy stare on them. He’s used to watching but not being seen, and it’s only natural to extend this towards you. It feels right to be watching you, like he’s where he’s meant to be, and for the beginning of his obsession he spends every free moment stalking you, hiding in corners or shadows and just staring.

 (And really, this behavior lasts all throughout his infatuation, even when he’s got you trapped in the Zoldyck manor, even when you’re nursing his baby, even when you’ve both grown old and death approaches – it’s just that in the beginning, you’re not aware of the black eyes that follow your every move. And that’s a luxury that gets taken all too soon, as you find yourself longing for ignorance of Illumi in every possible way.)

Not to mention, there is no part of him that feels any guilt for it – he’s a cold-blooded assassin, of course, but at no point does it occur to him that it may be strange to be following you, or that you wouldn’t appreciate him watching over you (and watching you, generally).

He doesn’t understand that he shouldn’t approach you like he approaches a target – of course, you won’t be on the receiving end of his needles (at least, not with death his ultimate goal – perhaps something less lethal, like love or submission or lust), but otherwise his intentions are the same.

(Well, mostly – not really, actually, because Illumi doesn’t feel this strange, pleasant warmth in his chest when he’s watching his targets, nor does he feel particularly intrigued when he’s staring at them as they sleep, watching their chest rise and fall and the relaxed, utterly content expression on their face.)

The process of stalking you is remarkably similar to his jobs – first, he’ll choose a place within your home that gives him a good, solid vantage point with minimal risk that he’ll be noticed.

(Though, it’s not exactly hard to hide when you’re so damn oblivious – Illumi swears you have little to no awareness of your surroundings, if the way you sometimes knock into tables or trip over shoes in your doorway is anything to go by.)

His stand-by places are usually in a rarely used storage closet with the door cracked open, just wide enough for his dark eyes to peer through, or perhaps behind a chair you rarely use, crouched and peeking behind the cloth, and when you sit down in said chair, it gives Illumi the opportunity to stand up slightly, towering over you and getting a perfect view of your pretty body and smelling your hair.

But if it’s nighttime and you’re already snuggled up in your bed, eyes glued to your phone screen as you scroll and scroll and neglect your sleep, he'll stand silently and deathly still in the corner.

He’s able to stay perfectly still and maintain the same position for hours at a time, hardly blinking, hardly moving, hardly even breathing, it seems.

And he’s utilizing this skill set to its full potential when it comes to you – Illumi is greedy, and while this doesn’t initially get channeled into being overly possessive of you (though that certainly comes later), it instead translates into this insatiable need to constantly have his eyes on you and to be in your presence every moment he isn’t needed on a job.

There are no boundaries with him, because Illumi genuinely doesn’t see the need to have them. You’re already destined to spend your lives together, so why shouldn’t he start the process of learning more about you?

Autonomy doesn’t really exist with him – he could be considered clingy if his view of your lives being so irreversibly intertwined wasn’t as clinical and matter of fact.

And so Illumi doesn’t operate barred by any sort of moral guidelines – so when he’s using his needles to morph into another face so that he can practice the lines and compliments he’s been told by his mother that will make you swoon, it doesn’t register to him that it might be creepy that he’s practicing wooing you in another body.

(The man is disturbing, and you’re uncomfortable with the way this stranger doesn’t seem to be getting the hint that you want him to leave you alone; why is he standing so close to you? Why is he staring at you like that? Why is he following you?)

It doesn’t register to him that it’s a breach of trust to be pretending to be someone you love and trust, just to extract more information about you.

(Your cousin is acting strangely when they speak to you – their words are clipped and sound just slightly off, and you’re sure they already know what your dreams for the future are. You’ve talked about this with them before, so why are they questioning you on what your ideal house looks like, your ideal partner, your favorite baby names?)

He spends a lot of time observing you, collecting information on you in every way he can, and this doesn’t stop once you’re trapped by his side and with the rest of his crazy, horrible family – it’s a habit, more than anything, but it’s so much worse when you’re aware, when you can see and feel his dark eyes boring into you, making you squirm under the intensity of his gaze.

Of course, talking to him about it won’t do a single thing – only earning you a slight head tilt and a question of does it bother you when I watch you? I apologize, I only meant to keep an eye on you, my dear.

He genuinely doesn’t understand that stalking you and keeping a tab on you at all times is something that you very much don’t appreciate, but you’ll quickly come to learn that with Illumi, there’s only so much you can change – so much being quite literally nothing.

Controlling

This particular manifestation of his obsession with you is a culmination of many different things.

Firstly, it’s simply his personality – when he loves, he possesses, this ugly, carnal feeling stirring in his gut that pushes him to be in control, to guide and oversee every little thing the target of his love does. He’s always felt this way with Killua – he loves his brother immensely, but that love translates as being controlling and always keeping a finger on what Killua does, says, and feels.

Secondly, it’s the intense pressure coming from his family. Kikyo expects your total obedience both to her and her son, and while Illumi can sometimes stand up to his mother on matters where your safety and wellbeing are concerned, he can’t deny her expectations of you being absolutely subservient to him, bending to his every whim and allowing him to dictate every aspect of your life.

And finally, it’s his own paranoia that pushes him to micromanage you in every way possible. He’s never had someone to call his before – he’s unselfish in nature, dedicating himself to his family in every possible way, and now that he’s been given a woman to call his own, to spoil and love and keep by his side, he’s not entirely sure how to react.

Your presence soothes him in a way he’s never experienced before; you’re so soft and caring and warm, all things he’s never had. His life has been hardships and tough love, training and never being good enough, and now that you’re in the picture, Illumi isn’t entirely sure how to handle himself.

He doesn’t doubt himself, per se, but he’s unsure how to successfully navigate a marriage. Would you like it if he was more physical with you? Perhaps you’d like more hugs or for him to hold your hand or kiss you more often – that’s what all the popular media resources he’s looked into have told him.

Or maybe you’d prefer a more quiet, subtle kind of love, where you both support one another with meaningful looks and the occasional touch, whispered words that carry more weight than they seem.

He’s not sure, despite all the stalking and information retrieving he’s preformed in your name, and that makes him nervous. He doesn’t like that he can’t anticipate what you’ll want or how to make you happy – it makes him feel less-than, as if he’s not quite the perfect match that his mother and father have always said his wife will be.

He doesn’t like not being sure of himself, and so this worry manifests itself as becoming firmer in his treatment of you, locking down on the few things he’s absolutely sure of.

It comes off as controlling, sure, but Illumi doesn’t mean to be when he’s telling you what to wear, rifling through the closet he procured for you and pulling out a dress he thinks suits your complexion – you may hate it, but he likes it, so you’ll wear it.

He’s not trying to be controlling when he’s clicking his tongue lightly and telling you to keep your posture straight, dear every time you sit down, even if your shoulders are only barely, slightly slumped.

He’s not trying to be controlling when he’s standing over the bathtub and watching you wash yourself, telling you to use more soap, darling, don’t you want to be clean?

(Nevermind his dark eyes blinking slowly and getting stuck on the soapy outline of your breasts under the warm water – surely you’re just imagining that, along with the tent forming in his trousers.)

He’s not trying to be controlling when he’s roughly grabbing your hand and forcing you behind him when you’re walking through the hallways of the manor, his gaze narrowing at the butler standing at attention, paranoia eating away at him because he could have sworn the man was staring at you as you entered the room, and he can’t have that. Even as an employee of the family, no one but Illumi can look at you with any degree of desire – you are his, and if it means cleaning up a body and finding a new butler to replace him, Illumi will do what is needed to keep you his.

IIlumi is quite frankly totally unaware of his controlling behavior – he doesn’t realize anything is wrong because in his eyes nothing is wrong. This is love – it’s how his father always treated his mother when he was young, his eyes cold and his heart even colder, his words cutting her down and remolding her into a woman more fitting of being the matriarch of the Zoldycks.

And while he doesn’t want to break you down or remake you, he’s following his father’s example in making sure that you’re entirely accounted for. You’re his responsibility, and while he doesn’t view you as merely a pet, you’ll often feel like a glorified dog with the way he controls your life down to every second, always telling you that it’s time to go eat, or time to sleep, or time to shower, or time to kiss him and let him undress you.

He's pushy without even meaning to be, but if you bring this behavior up to him, he’ll be surprised. Genuinely – his brows will quirk up ever so slightly, his already wide eyes getting a hair wider because really? I had no idea, my dear. Thank you for bringing this to my attention; I will reduce the frequency on my instructions towards you.

But he doesn’t, even if he promises he will.

And it’s not entirely his fault – he thinks he is, even going so far as to be expectant of your praise when he holds himself back from telling you to use the other fork when he’s dining with you privately. Surely you must be proud of him – he’s doing as you asked, being a good husband and fulfilling your desires and wishes.

So why aren’t you praising him?

Why aren’t you mentioning anything about how generous he’s being, how considerate he is?

You’ve blatantly disregarded his attempts at trying to be less ‘controlling’, as you claim, and Illumi takes this as a sign to only double down and become more omnipresent, because obviously you haven’t quite learned how to be a kind, grateful, adoring wife.

You haven’t quite yet learned the lessons he’s been trying to teach you – so you need more guidance. You need more advice, a firmer hand to push you towards becoming the best, most noble version of yourself, and lucky, lucky you has a loving, oh so eager husband right there willing to step into that role.

He’s domineering and in control of every aspect of your life, but there’s almost a small sense of relief that you’ll eventually feel. Because really, while it makes you feel weak and pathetic and pitiful to have him controlling how long you brush your teeth every morning and night, isn’t there something kind of nice about relinquishing your responsibilities? Isn’t there something oddly nice about not having to make your own decisions, to let Illumi take care of everything, to not have to worry about anything ever again?

It's the Stockholm Syndrome talking, and you may even know it – but it doesn’t matter, because the longer you spend under Illumi’s thumb, the less you’ll find yourself caring about things like choice and autonomy and preference. All that matter is what he wants, what he thinks is best – because really, doesn’t he know best?

Isn’t he superior to you in every possible way?

Protective

Illumi has a very, very good understanding of the human body.

He has to – his job depends on it, after all, and Illumi is nothing if not dedicated to his work. He knows every muscle, vein, and bone, their purpose and exactly what it would mean if it was removed.

He knows what organs must stay in tact for survival, how much blood a person can lose and stay conscious, how cold temperature can drop before hypothermia begins, even how long a person can survive without sleeping.

And it’s this wide breadth of knowledge that leads Illumi to know just how pathetically weak you are.

There are so many possible ways to hurt you – everything from a gunshot to a paper cut could potentially end your tragically fragile life, and the longer Illumi watches you, the more uncomfortable this knowledge becomes.

It’s not that you’re objectively incapable of defending yourself – perhaps you know some basic self-defense, or perhaps your survival instincts are sharp enough to keep you away from dangerous situations. No – it’s more that Illumi knows what other people are capable of, what nen is capable of, and he knows that you’d simply be no match if someone were to attack you.

And so, this puts him into a rather uncomfortable spot; at the beginning of his obsession with you, when his feels were still freshly formed and underdeveloped, he felt no sense of protectiveness over you. You’re an adult, you can care for yourself – you’ve survived this long, haven’t you?

But then he starts noticing how wide your smile can get, or how soft your hand is when you’re sleeping, or how pretty your voice sounds when you’re singing in your kitchen and making yourself dinner.

He starts noticing that you’ve been biting your lip, the skin a little puffy and swollen and stinging a bit. Did you know that your lip could get infected, and if you don’t get to a doctor fast enough, that infection could cost you your life?

He starts noticing that the skin of your hands is a little dry, and you keep getting hangnails. Did you know that dry skin can be a sign of serious nutrition deficiencies, and if you don’t enough potassium you could end up in the hospital and slowly waste away until you eventually can no longer hold on?

He starts noticing that sometimes your voice gets a little hoarse after you try to sing a particularly high note, your voice cracking and a series of coughs racking your body. Did you know that if you cough too hard, you can actually strain your lungs and affect their ability to take in oxygen, potentially suffocating you?

Time passing brings him to the realization that the idea of you dying makes him frown, something unpleasant brewing in his chest that he guesses is sadness. He doesn’t like the idea of you passing away – he wants you alive, and if you were to die, he wouldn’t be able to watch you anymore, to feel that warm, addicting feeling in his heart you give him. If you were to suddenly keel over and die, he’d be left all alone – like normal, yes, but now that he knows what it's like to have someone, to want someone, Illumi doesn’t think he could return to his old existence.

And so, the solution is simple: keep you alive.

Except, it’s much harder to keep someone living and breathing than it is to simply kill them, and quickly Illumi is realizing just how tall an order this is. Because really, there’s just so much that could potentially injure you, that could potentially lead to your life being in danger.

You’re just so damn clumsy – he’s watched you trip over air, and if you’re that naturally unaware of your surroundings, who’s to say you wouldn’t be susceptible to even the most minor injuries? How can he be sure that you’ll manage to evade even the most innocent of accidents?

You won’t. He’s sure of it.

And so, he’s growing slightly paranoid because every new object you encounter is immediately a threat to him, five different ways that object could endanger you immediately flashing through his mind.

A pair of car keys? They’re dull and blunt, sure, but if they were thrust into your chest just right they could rupture something, cause you to bleed out, give you tetanus or metal poisoning.

A book you’re obsessing over? You could get a papercut, a slice across your pretty skin, and Kalluto has proven that paper can be incredibly deadly.

Your damn cell phone? Well, the screen is horrible for your eyes, your information could be sold and land in the hands of someone nefarious, and he knows you look at it while you’re walking on busy streets.

There’s just so many avenues for you to get hurt, and Illumi works himself to the bone to prevent any of them from successfully causing you harm. And he’s effective, too – you’ll find your knives have suddenly disappeared, your razors too, even any sort of pill you have that’s stronger than Ibuprofen.

All your outlets have suddenly stopped working, your ovens too, even your dishwasher.

Your shower doesn’t seem to be able to get as hot as it used to, and you don’t remember your pillows being as fluffy or numerous as they currently are.

You’ll know something is wrong, your anxiety shooting through the roof because someone must be robbing you, setting foot into your home and stealing all your things.

The reality is much more sinister, much more terrifying, and as soon as you wake up in Illumi’s hold, you’ll realize that your situation is much, much worse than you’d imagined.

He’s going to every length to keep you safe and sound from potential harm, even if it leaves you feeling pitiful and beyond ashamed, the babyproofed bathroom he lets you use making you ill when you see the way there’s locks on the cabinets to prevent you from rooting around for anything that could cause irreparable damage.

It’ll make you feel incompetent, embarrassed even when Illumi tries to comfort you by saying that he doesn’t think you’re incapable, just not entirely trustworthy, my dear. There’s a difference.

(His voice is always just slightly condescending when he talks to you, and this is surely no exception – it’ll make you feel worse, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care.)

Because really, all that matters to Illumi is making sure that you stay alive – he’s selfish, wanting to keep you solely to himself, and even if that means making sure you go nowhere unaccompanied, to nothing without his help, make no decisions by yourself, he doesn’t mind.

He’s doing it for you, for your shared love, for the good of your relationship.

And if you don’t seem to understand that for now, he’s sure someday you will. Someday you’ll realize the extent to which Illumi cares for you – why else would he do so very much for you, his devotion to you spanning long before he finally got to sink his claws (and cock) into you?

So really, shouldn’t you be grateful?

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Jealousy is very much not something Illumi has ever really had to deal with.

His whole life has been training, killing, devotion to his family and the Zoldyck name, and as an assassin he’s never really been envious of anyone, or really had strong enough feelings about anything to want something.

It’s a concept he understands in theory but begins questioning it when it comes to the way it makes people crazy, the way people act so strangely in circumstances where envy and jealousy are concerned. It seems entirely stupid, something that only serves to derail situations.

And yet, once a strange nagging feeling begins at the edges of his mind, Illumi finds himself wondering if this is the famous jealousy he’s always heard of.

It doesn’t feel good – it’s like there’s something pulling at his heart, a hand wrapped around it and squeezing every so often, the feeling almost painful and certainly irritating.

But the more he’s around you, the more it persists – almost seeming to grow by the day, even if you’re fully alone, in your apartment reading a book or scrolling through your phone. Illumi very suddenly understands why jealousy is known as something so horrible, something that eats you up inside and won’t leave you alone – that is, Illumi quickly begins noticing that he isn’t the only man vying for your attention and love.

Because he’s constantly watching you, following you and making sure that he knows everything there is to know about your life and relationships with others, he doesn’t miss the situations where you interact with another man, where you smile and laugh and even compliment other men, all right in front of him.

(Illumi tends to conveniently disregard the fact that you aren’t able to sense him, that you aren’t aware that you have a dangerous, murderous stalker trailing your every move.)

It’s irritating, frustrating, distracting enough to be seriously affecting his work – he’ll have a fleeting thought of the way you’d smiled at that other man a week ago as he goes for the final stab into the target’s chest, but the slight snarl he lets out has him missing just slightly, instead nicking the target in the shoulder and giving them an opportunity to scramble away.

Illumi’s irritation only increases at that, and soon there’s blood splattered along the floor as he breaths deeply, the red staining his clothing standing out bright.

He really tried to ignore it at first, but once it began affecting him even when he’s not in your presence, Illumi knew he had to solve the problem. And after a quick, rather detached conversation with his father about it, Illumi was quickly enlightened that he was in fact jealous, his father having laughed lightly and patting him on the arm, telling him that it’s natural to feel that way about your wife, Illumi. Your duty is as an assassin, but as a member of this family. If the woman you’ve chosen to bear your heir is giving you such feelings, I see no harm in acting upon them. It will serve you well to focus more on your work, as well.

And so Illumi embraces this newfound permission to foster this emotion - it’s odd, the way what he’s fairly confident is anger coils around his heart, making his fists clench slightly, his nails digging into his palms as he watches you talk and laugh with that man. That man, who probably doesn’t even know how to use nen, who probably doesn’t even understand how perfect of a wife you could be, how good of a mother and perfect addition to his family you’d be.

It’s strange, and while Illumi doesn’t particularly enjoy it, he can’t deny the odd sense of finality that comes with killing without being paid to, the strange sensation of enjoying ending a life. He finds himself smiling after plunging his nails into a man’s jugular, but Illumi isn’t too horribly bothered.

It’s new and strange, but so is everything else you make Illumi experience, after all. Why should this be any different?

As he trails behind you in the shadows, his dark eyes train in on your figure as you bite your lip and look over the selection of fruit displayed out on the cart of the farmer’s market.

Illumi stays perfectly still, completely focused on watching you. You’re wearing a pair of jeans today, pants that hug your figure a little too tightly for his tastes, along with a sweatshirt that does quite the opposite – hiding your upper body, which Illumi only finds slightly more agreeable.

(In the back of his mind, he makes a mental note to have a talk with you about proper dress for a woman such as yourself – a woman who’s to become part of a powerful, wealthy family, and as such must represent them - and her husband - with her head held high and confidence oozing from her. He’s sure a nice skirt and blouse will do the trick – silky or satin, shimmery and soft like you. Or, perhaps, a dress – maybe a floral pattern or a deep magenta. Of course, you’ll eventually be wearing purple, the Zoldyck family color, but he knows women enjoy fashion, and he's interested to see what you’d pick.)

As he thinks through what he’ll say to you, already planning out how the conversation will go, he notices a man with shaggy brown hair and honey brown eyes take a deep breath and walk beside you, standing next to you and looking over the selection of apples, pears, oranges and various other fruits.

Illumi’s expression makes no change as the brunette says something about how there’s always too many options at markets like these, types of fruit that he’s never heard of making it difficult to choose, to which you laugh and full heartedly agree.

The assassin makes no move, but as he watches and listens with distaste lodged in the back of his throat, you continue on the conversation, asking the man’s advice on which type of apple you should get.

It’s a short interaction, in all honesty - maybe a minute maximum, but Illumi is still watching with a heavy, piercing gaze, feeling the same odd, sickly feeling rise up from his chest.

He’s already decided that if the man moves to lay even a finger on you he’ll emerge from the shadows, swiftly and triumphantly piercing his chest with his entire hand.

Maybe that’ll get him to stop talking.

But the man doesn’t, and so Illumi begrudgingly lets the conversation run its course. You eventually say goodbye to the man and ask him if he’d like to meet up at the same booth in a week to compare the types of fruit.

Immediately Illumi’s fist clenches, his nails sharpening and digging into his palms, drops of blood littering the pavement below him as his eyes never stray, keeping trained on you as you walk in the opposite direction of the man, who is now blushing and smiling like a fool.

Disgusting, Illumi thinks as he follows the man.

The world won’t miss him, is all he’s thinking as he pulls a pin and flicks his wrist, the needle sinking into his neck. He watches with a dull gaze as the fast acting poison renders the man immobile, falling to his knees as his chest slows its breaths, eventually no longer moving.

You most certainly won’t, he thinks as he picks up the body, unsheathing the needle after life has left the body, finding a nearby trash bin to stuff the man into.

It isn’t the most efficient method of dealing with a body, but Illumi can’t be bothered – after all, in the some thirty seconds it’s taken him to deal with the man who thought he had a chance with what Illumi has already claimed as his, you’ve managed to make it a bit further from him, wandering through the maze of stalls with the bag full of produce in your hands.

He’s immediately falling into step behind you, the flexing of his fingers doing nothing to distract him as he brings back his stare, internally sighing as he sees another man – this time blond – look over at you and not so subtly rake his eyes up and down your body.

Illumi’s brow twitches – he only brought twenty needles this morning, and you’ve only been at the market for some fifteen minutes. Already he only has three left, and with a small sigh he reminds himself to bring more tomorrow, as he’ll surely use them.

And really, while Illumi doesn’t enjoy that other men are looking at you, being deluded enough to believe that they have a chance with you, he needs to make sure that there are no complications with your union, that there will be no problems to take care of when he eventually whirls you away to his home, where you’ll be his lovely wife that provides him with children and a warmth he can’t explain.

There’s a certain thrill that comes with letting himself feel, with not pushing down the emotion as his father said – a certain thrill that he can only feel where you’re concerned.

After all, you’re just that special.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

From the moment Illumi decides that you’re a good match for him, it becomes a known fact (at least, among his family) that you would eventually be living alongside him in the Zoldyck manor.

You don’t have a choice, really – all of his family lives together on the mountain, and you will be no exception, despite your temporary status as an honorary member.

(This status is temporary if only because now you aren’t an official Zoldyck, but the moment you become pregnant with his child, this status changes – you’re a real Zoldyck then, because inside you grows the family’s next assassin, a product of Illumi’s devotion to you and proof of your resolve to commit yourself to the Zoldycks. It’s all terribly romantic to Illumi, even if it makes you want to hurl, and he’ll have no qualms telling you this information – he’ll even frame it as if it’s some sort of incentive to get you eagerly spreading your legs for him. He treats it like you want to be accepted into the family – like it’s your deepest desire, and no amount of arguing or pleading with him will convince him otherwise.)

You will be sharing a bed with him, living under the same roof and spending all your time beside him when he’s not away for a job, whether you like it or not, and Illumi has known this from the very beginning. You’ll be curled up in his arms, his skin cold and slightly clammy as he holds you, his grip much too tight and stiff even as he sleeps – you can hardly move, every breath you take feeling constricted and controlled, as if Illumi is doing you a favor by allowing you just a bit of space to breathe.

It takes him a while to fully develop and understand what his feelings mean, but once he does he isn’t holding back in any form - his family was, for lack of a better word, floored the night that their eldest son casually mentioned having selected his future wife. Kikyo was immediately pressing him for details, wanting to know every fact and scrap of information about her future daughter in law, which Illumi was happy to provide.

He immediately spouted off your name, age, basic personality, physical features, hobbies, interests, important life events, past and current jobs, relationships with your parents, friends, partners, anything and everything he can think of, Kikyo listening all the while with a scowl on her face. She’s confused on why her precious son has chosen you, considering you weren’t a skilled nen user, a fighter or even someone of great importance.

She’s not completely convinced of her son’s choice, but there’s a strange determination to Illumi’s normally lifeless eyes that she can see that makes her back off a bit, leaving her with an odd sense of finality in his words, confidence in his decision that makes it hard to argue.

(Besides, everyone knows Killua is the true heir of the family – as long as Illumi produces members to join the Zoldyck ranks, it’s not so important who chooses to wed. As long as they’re suitable for conception, she’ll begrudgingly accept – perhaps not with enthusiasm, but she’ll relent nonetheless.)

Silva is listening as well, though not as intensely as his wife, and after Illumi finishes his some twenty minute recall of your information, he merely takes a sip of his drink and nods, telling his son to treat her with care, she sounds weak in comparison to you.

Milluki is rolling his eyes, wondering why his brother decided on someone so normal, though he doesn’t dare say anything. Internally, though, he’s already imagining what you look like, his mental picture of you built upon Illumi’s descriptions, but with just a bit more detail – things his brother hadn’t mentioned, like the size of your chest or if you’re clumsy or if your voice is high and feminine and whiny.

Kalluto only nods, wondering what you’ll be like in person if you’ve managed to catch his older brother’s eye.

His mother is still disappointed in his choice, but wastes no time helping Illumi prepare for your eventual arrival, helping him create a regiment for how to integrate you into the family, how to work with your needs, considering your status as a mere commoner.

And while Illumi lets his mother plan and schedule and bustle about, he’s merely thinking of how he should take you away, tuning out his mother’s shrill words as she yells and commands butlers, telling them to prepare and clean and do everything so that Illumi’s new wife will be received well.

In all reality, Illumi – while very much concerned with his family’s acceptance of you, considering the tightness and loyalty instilled into him – isn’t especially concerned about the plans his mother is running wild preparing. He knows that with enough time and training, you’ll eventually fit right into the mold his mother wants you to, or at least as far into it as Illumi is allowing.

Because really, while he agrees that you need to be toughened up at least a little bit in order to survive in the mansion and be strong enough to bear his children, he doesn’t want your core personality to change – he fell in love with you for a reason, and while you must be trained a bit to survive as a Zoldyck, he doesn’t want you to become a stranger.

And so instead of listening to his mother’s plans, he’s slipping out under the cover of nightfall and climbing through the familiar window of your bedroom, your sleeping form laying so still and peaceful, like you’re just waiting for him to come steal you away.

A pin (as much as he hates piercing your skin with the needle, it must be done) is applied to your shoulder and your sleep is suddenly much heavier, your body visibly going limp, your breaths getting longer and deeper, and for a moment he worries that he’s infused too much nen into the needle, that your breathing will just keep slowing until it eventually stops.

His grip against his spare needles tightens at the thought, the force so strong that it snaps the metal in half, the sound knocking him from his thoughts as he blinks down at you, a small sense of relief filling him because your chest is still steadily rising and falling.

Illumi carries you in his arms back to the manor, not minding the weight of your body holding him down.

And just as he passes through the gates, he feels what he thinks might be excitement brewing in his chest.

Life with Illumi will be, in all honesty, hell.

It’s not so much that he enjoys making you miserable or seeing you uncomfortable, but rather that he’s grown up with such intense expectations, such strict regimes and schedules that he upholds you to similar standards.

Of course, you won’t be going through training to become an assassin while you’re with him – no practice with combat or anything so violent, if only because Illumi’s worry over your safety prohibits him from allowing you anywhere near a knife or a fist cocked and ready to be swung.

(Not to mention the fact that he plans on you going absolutely nowhere without him, and as such there’s no reason for you to learn how to defend yourself. You don’t need to build up immunity to poison, how to most effectively snap a neck, or to learn any number of the cruel things that he thinks are much too unwomanly for someone like you.)

No, the schedule and timetables he puts you on are much more general, humiliating, dehumanizing – being told when you can and can’t use the restroom is something you’ll quickly come to realize takes away even the barest scrap of dignity and independence you have left under Illumi’s control.

He dictates what time you wake up, what you eat for each meal of the day, and your activities between meals - comprised mostly of more feminine things, as his mother advised you learn, like sewing and mending, floral arrangement, proper dining etiquette, and of course, lessons on how to properly raise children, taught by Kikyo herself.

(From the get go, it will be extremely apparent to you that the entirety of the Zoldyck family – Illumi included – expect offspring, assuming with little thought that you’ll be bearing the eldest son’s children in what Silva has expressed as sooner than you think with a small nod and poignant stare. Shivers had run down your spine at the way Illumi’s gaze on you seemed to only grow in intensity at his father’s comment, his cold fingers pressing against the small of your back in a way that made your skin crawl. Besides, the built in conception time, as Illumi so lovingly puts it, makes it more than obvious that he’s fucking you with the intent of getting you pregnant.)

It’s demeaning, the way you’re treated like some toddler, some incompetent idiot with the way Kikyo flutters around you, her shrill voice echoing through the corridors as you cower and obey.

It isn’t that you want to be obedient to a family you’ve come to realize is beyond fucked up, but you’ve also seen Illumi at work. He’s come home to you covered in blood, giving you a small smile as he awkwardly leans down to press a chaste kiss against your lips, his dark eyes staying open the whole time.

You don’t particularly want to be the submissive, obedient future mother of Illumi’s children like everyone in the manor is expecting you to be (with the exception of Killua, whom Illumi desperately wants you to get along with, and he may honestly be the only ray of light within this dark, musty home – at least he somewhat understands how fucked up the situation is, though he’s told you many times that there’s nothing he can do to help you).

But the constant threat of the fact that anyone in the house could kill you with a simple flick of the wrist is not lost on you, and while Illumi genuinely terrifies you for much of the first few months of your captivity, you quickly learn to obey his every word, to live to please him.

He’s really the only ally you have – he’s more forgiving, easier to try and wiggle your way out of a less severe punishment with, especially as you learn to predict his wishes.

He wants you to wear a certain kimono that he thinks looks beautiful on you? You hate the pattern on it and the way the style makes your figure look, but you scramble to slide into the fabric, trying to ignore his ever present stare boring into your naked body.

He wants you to come play with his hair, because he’s been told by his father that it feels nice and he’s seen couples do it? immediately you’re clambering to sit on the chair behind his seated position on the floor, running your fingers through his dark locks while he sits stick straight, silence enveloping the two of you.

He wants you to lay beside him while he rests, recovering his energy from a recent mission? You’re already slipping underneath the sheets, clearing a space for him and letting him wrap his arms around your waist and pull you against him.

(He’s so stiff even when he ‘cuddles’ you – his skin is so cold, his back straight, his grip on you tight enough to make you squirm, and the hot breath against your neck when he tells you that he’s missed you, my dear, my day is less bright without your presence will make you wince.)

Some of his wishes are, admittedly, much more difficult to obey than others, however – when he tells you to lay back and spread your legs while he’s shimmying off his pants, it’s difficult to not fight, to not cry and scream as he pushes into you, his eyebrows twitching together and his pale fists clenching by your head as he slowly begins humping into you.

He isn’t necessarily bad to you per se, though quickly his family picks up on his cluelessness on how to truly treat a spouse, and so after a few comments from Silva about how to properly woo you (maybe she will be less unruly, and you may have more luck producing children this way as well) he actually does take his advice and try to make at least some attempt at romancing you.

He’s telling you robotically delivered compliments, buying you bouquets of roses, even rewarding your good behavior with small knick knacks from your old apartment and life – but it’s not enough; the fear of him is still far greater than the almost charming awkwardness he exudes in moments of intimacy and tenderness will ever be.

You’ll essentially become a submissive, sweet little housewife under Illumi’s care, and even if you hate it, even if you try with everything you have to not be subjected to the future of bearing his children, holding the famous last name of Zoldyck, and being completely subservient to the man who kidnapped you and forcefully began a ‘relationship’ with you, Illumi and the rest of his family have ways of making sure you stay in line.

And before long, you’ll grow to accept your place, to realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do.

PUNISHMENTS:

In all honesty, Illumi rarely gets actually mad at you – he’s much more frequently disappointed when you don’t behave correctly, when you fight him or make some weak attempt at escaping.

He doesn’t get mad, but there is this small sense of pity that he feels when he watches you cry and beg him to not come any closer, to please let me go, I promise I won’t tell anyone what happened! Please, I don’t want to be with you or your sick family!

It hurts, if he’s being honest, but he knows that in order to train you, to mold you into the perfect spouse and future mother of his children, he needs to be patient.

Dogs can’t be expected to follow commands from the very beginning, right?

And so, when he kneels down to where you’re curled up in the corner of your shared room, his dark hair hanging around you like a curtain while his wide eyes never blink and stay situated on you, he’s merely tilting his head and asking in a voice much too serious to be natural, oh but darling, can’t you see you’re already part of this family? Now, dinner is to be ready in thirty minutes. I need to properly prepare you.

He actually has a surprising amount of patience with you – you make him soft (or at least as soft as he can be, though anyone that knows him well can spot the differences in his treatment and air around you), and he doesn’t really want to harm you or scare you.

It’s a necessary evil in his eyes, though if he had his way, he’d train you to the point where you’re willingly looking at him with love.

He’d train you until you’re welcoming him home with a sweet kiss to his cheek after a long job with a toddler clutching at your legs, a baby suckling at your breast and a swollen belly telling him and the rest of the world exactly who you belong to, your lovesick cry of his name when you see him making the smile plastered onto his lips that much more genuine.

You make him feel, something so foreign and strange, and to Illumi this new, small amount of emotion feels downright overwhelming, something so strong and powerful and wonderful. It’s addicting, truly, something that he finds himself actively wanting, a concept he’s never felt before towards anything except bringing back Killua.

And so while he doesn’t particularly enjoy punishing you, it’s worth it to keep those feelings alive, to build up to the point where his fantasies of your domestic future with one another come to fruition.

So really, while he doesn’t get mad at you very often, he won’t hesitate to dole out punishments where he sees fit – it’s all for a greater purpose, he tells you, though you have your doubts.

Besides, there’s something even more disturbing about him punishing you when he isn’t even angry – it’s worse because it all just seems so pointless; maybe if he was yelling you would understand why he’s doing what he’s doing. He’d seem human, maybe, capable of emotion – instead, you get those familiar, dead eyes staring at you, his expression carefully neutral as he tells you that this is for your own sake, my dear, and one day you’ll see that.

When it comes to actually punishing you, Illumi’s aversion to causing you any sort of physical harm prevents him from inflicting a whole varietyof punishments onto you – he doesn’t want to taint your delicate skin, to break a bone, to do any number of things that he’s been told over and over by his family would help.

(Milluki insists that breaking both of your legs would be a good way to prevent any kind of behavior targeted around trying to escape, and while Illumi understands the logic and even agrees with it, the look of your teary eyes staring up at him and your desperate pleads to not hurt you are simply too much.)

(Milluki also suggests, with a crude grin and a gulp, that perhaps letting him try a hand at getting you to cooperate would be helpful – besides, he’ll add with a smarmy smile and his tongue flicking out over his lips, a Zoldyck heir is a Zoldyck heir, doesn’t matter who knocked her up, right? That night, Milluki ended up with the broken bone rather than you.)

He isn’t sure why he’s so incapable of hurting you considering his profession, but he just can’t – and so, he finds other methods.

Namely, your mental state is completely fair game; he’s training you after all, and when the basement of the Zoldyck mansion is just so expansive, so cold and wet and so very dark, how can he not use that to his advantage?

Your eyes are casted downwards, your voice soft and unsure as you ask if you can see my family again? Kikyo mentioned that it’s December, and there’s an important birthday in the family this month that I’d like to celebrate with them…

Illumi had been cuddling you (or, at least holding you in his arms while he lay on his side, completely frozen and inhaling the scent of your hair again and again while you uncomfortably squirmed around), but the moment those words tumble from your lips, he’s blinking pensively, pondering your statement.

I don’t know of any birthdays in the family this month.

When you try again, telling him that it’s your family you’re talking about, the one you were raised in and that you love, immediately he’s cutting you off.

My dear, you must be mistaken. The nearest birthday is Grandfather’s, and that isn’t for another month.

His voice is firmer this time, as if he’s trying to tell you something, but some part of you refuses to silently accept his blatant dismissal of your request.

Illumi you don’t understand, it’s –

his grip is tightening even more, practically suffocating you as his nails dig into your exposed arms, his voice somewhere between a hiss and a scold.

No, my love, you don’t understand. Don’t speak of them. They are no longer your family – you are a Zoldyck now, and you’ll forget all of those past imposters. You will not, under any circumstances, be allowed to see them again. Now, come with me.

And it’s not like you have much of a choice – as he picks you up and brings you down the stairs, endless winding hallways that steadily grow colder and colder the deeper you head, you’re flailing, apologizing profusely, anything to not have to spend another few nights in the basement.

And while Illumi doesn’t enjoy the tears that stream down your cheeks, he stays strong and ties you to the chains connected to the walls – loose enough that you can be seated on the ground, but tight enough to restrict any movement.

Once you’re stationary, he stands before you and stares, the light from the door behind him illuminating his figure.

I expect you to tell me who your real family is when I return.

And with that, he’s walking out the room and slamming the door shut behind him, leaving you shrouded in darkness, with nothing but the sound of your own breathing and heartbeat to entertain you.

He generally leaves you down there for three days, give or take – enough to have you dehydrated, your stomach growling and rumbling painfully at the lack of food, cold seeping into your bones and leaving you shivering and shaking, all the while fear envelopes you because there’s something here with you, you just know it.

The sounds coming from the corner of the room are too difficult to ignore, though you have no idea what it could be. You presume it’s some sort of creature, designed to kill you if Illumi so desires, the scuttling noise making fear creep up your spine every time you hear it. The sounds are ryhtmic, predictable, always going off in roughly thirty minute intervals, leading you to believe the creature is smart, or at least trained to be so.

It’s terrifying and your mind will conjure up images of terrifying, grotesque beasts in its bored and fearful state, but in reality the monster in question is Illumi himself – he grows so dependent on you that he can’t be away from you for more than about a day, so he treats himself to hiding in the shadows and simply watching you.

You’re very pretty, even when you’re crying and covered in dirt and covered in your own piss, and it’s in those moments that Illumi truly realizes how deeply his feelings for you run, how badly he wants you to be his everything. He just can’t stop looking at you, those dark eyes raking over your figure over and over and over, moving his position roughly every thirty minutes to get a new angle of you.

(Though, it’s not like he needs to see you to remember what you look like from this angle, he’s stalked you so thoroughly and so heavily that he could draw your face in his sleep with pinpoint accuracy, your features metaphorically carved behind his eyelids so that he’ll always see you you you when he blinks.)

And when he eventually opens the door once more, light cracking into the room and making you violently blink, he’s asking if you’ve learned your lesson yet, if you’re finally understanding who your real family is, and immediately you’re practically yelling that yes, I understand! I’m a Zoldyck, the Zoldycks are my real family! I love them and I love you, Illumi, because I’m your wife and that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be!

(If you were in a better state of mind you’d have the energy to be ashamed of yourself, but you’re so desperate to get out of this cellar and into the warmth, to drink something and eat something and be away from the thing trapped in there with you that you just don’t care.)

He nods, satisfied, and opens the locks, only to blink in surprise when you wobbly embrace him, sobbing into his chest and clutching onto his clothes because even though he’s unnaturally cold, he’s still warmer than the hell you’ve been in for the last three days.

And while he’s not the best at physical affection, he’ll wrap his arms around you and pull you tighter, crushing you against his hard chest whispering in your ear that he’s so glad you’ve finally accepted your place.

OVERALL DANGER:

9/10

The danger that lies with being Illumi’s darling is honestly just the fact that once he chooses you, there is absolutely no chance of escaping him.

He’s a trained assassin with connections everywhere; outside of death itself, there’s no way for you to get away from him, no matter how hard you try or who you manage to recruit into aiding you.

(And even if you were to somehow manage to kill yourself, Illumi will keep your dead body by his side – holding it at night while he sleeps, propping you in a chair across from him while he eats and carries on a one sided conversation about work that day, even going so far as to fuck your cold, lifeless body just to feel you.)

He’s lived his whole life feeling nothing at all, and the second that you inspire any bit of emotion within him, his whole perspective seems to alter just slightly, something warm and strange and good blooming in his chest. It’s something completely foreign, but the longer it goes on the more he decides the likes it, growing used to the feeling and craving more of it, finding himself yearning – yes, yearning – to feel it once more when he’s been away from you for long periods of time.

Once he realizes that the common cause of this feeling is you, Illumi is deciding that you’re the one he’ll be adding to the Zoldyck family as his partner, his spouse, his lover.

You’ll be the one to bear his children and continue on the name, all while he gets to enjoy the strange warmth in his chest, the odd protectiveness that forces him to keep you locked up, safe from the outside world, the strange urge he feels to reach out and touch you, to see you smile, to feel your lips against his own.

And so while he won’t ever directly physically harm you, your mental state will be destroyed, and you’ll be in constant fear that someday he’ll decide you aren’t worth the trouble, that once he impregnates you and you give him a few heirs, he’ll kill you off effortlessly.

These fears will never, ever see fruition of course, but the trouble with Illumi is that you just never know.

He’s skilled in the art of killing, but his skills in lying are quite formidable as well – you can never truly tell when he’s being honest with you, and while he’s never fully lied to you (only misrepresented facts and led you to believe something that may not be entirely true), you’ll live in a constant state of unease because you’re so, so very aware that he could kill you with a mere flick of his wrist if he so desired, and what’s stopping him? He claims to be in love, but in what world is this love?

And you, lucky lucky you, get the lovely package deal of not only him, but his fucked up family as well – so good luck, and really, just let him mold you into the perfect, obedient little wife he wants you to be.

You’ll be much, much happier in the end.

[timetraveltodystopia]

ENHYPEN Tea October 2024

Disclaimer: I’m a beginner with tarot, and my readings could be correct and could be not. I am still learning, so please take everything with a grain of salt. These readings are for fun and for entertainment purposes only <3

This is all alleged. I don’t want to hurt any idol or send them hate.

♡ Reading done on 17/10/24 - 18/10/24

Okay, so today the group is pretty talkative. All the cards flew.

Cards: Six of swords (rx), three of cups, king of wands, the lovers, death, four of swords and six of cups. Overall energy, ace of wands.

Here I'm giving an Enhypen tea in general, but later, I will go in depth with each idol. It feels like a sense of victory. As a group, we can do everything together, and there's no obstacles we can't overcome. They feel very confident amongst themselves that they can do everything. They have this feeling after hard work, after every come back because death in the end is transformation,that they will have peace and they can rest in the end. I have two cards that are pretty romantic, the lovers, and the six of cups. For me, as the spread has shown, it looks like the group was fated, the meant to be friends and to be a group, they support each other and help each other no matter what.

Heesung

Cards: king of cups (rx), queen of swords (rx), king of pentacles, the devil (rx), six of wands. Overall energy, five of cups (rx).

Oracle cards: I am becoming a better person, it's time for me to heal, I left when I saw you with someone, I wish I had treated you better, I regret lying to you.

Okay, so Heeseung is getting out of a victim mentality energy, also a nostalgic energy, he is seeing the brighter side of life, of situations of everything. He is detaching himself from situations that didn't make him good. It feels like there were toxic people around him, but also he became one, he realized it and he transformed. He is focusing on his career, and he's putting boundaries around him.

The oracle card is about his romantic situation. This is definitely a third-party situation. It doesn't have to be cheating, but mostly it is. He didn't put effort into his partner, being and idol is hard, but he had to make sacrifices, and he chose his career over his love life.

Jay

Cards: four of wands, queen of pentacles, the sun (rx), the lovers (rx), the hanged man. Overall energy, the moon.

Oracle cards: I am not available, I want you, the timing just wasn't right for us, I lost myself for a little while.

So Jay is stucked literally, like with the oracle cards and the tarot cards he doesn't know what to do. Because with the four of wands that person makes him happy, but it wasn't the right time. It's the right person wrong time thing, aww. I'm sooo sorry for him. He feels so close off. Like this man doesn't want to tell how he feels, he's in love, and he likes the person but the timing isn't right, I think a part of his heart feels like isn't ready, like how do you see me as your partner? As attractive? Like Why did you choose me? He probably is asking all those questions. He's a little bit depressed lately, and sad like this situation is sad, honestly.

Jake

Cards: death (rx), the emperor, temperance, page of cups, queen of cups, three of cups (rx). Overall energy, seven of wands

Oracle cards: I wonder if you are happy without me, I know I messed up everything, You don't know how hard it was to let you go, I wish I could share my good news with you, I left you before you could leave me.

So Jake is looking, definitely. He is so emotional. Almost my spread is most of cups he is definitely an emotional bean under that flirting skin. He is such and amotional state that he put a barrier, he's emotional unavailable, and it seems he it's taking the time to move on, for me he represents the emperor stoic, strong, and solitude but at the end of the day he wants a queen of cups, nurturing, beautiful, emotional, compassionate. Oh my God, this boy needs nurture. With temperance, he's finding balance between the 3d world and his spiritual beliefs and emotional state. He definitely broke up with someone, and this Boi is finding the path to healing.

Sunghoon

Cards: ace of swords (rx), seven of pentacles, knight of wands, two of cups (rx), king of wands (rx), eight of pentacles. Overall energy, the magician (rx).

Oracle cards: you speak to me through music, finding the truth crush me, I feel you even though we are apart, I want you.

Like... definitely there was something hidden and now Sunghoon it's heartbroken. He is manifesting as he wants to, but he is having patience related to love and work because this Boi is working real hard, and he is going strong. I don't know why he could have dated someone non idol and the mayor lie is that he never listened to enhypen or didn't even know them but they did, the vibes this gives me is betrayal and he is putting the energy of this into his work. He feels powerless. I have another energy of this of an idol talking bad things, like humbling sunghoon, it's heartbreaking.

Jungwon

Cards: page of pentacles (rx), king of cups (rx), temperance, king of swords (rx), eight of swords, queen of pentacles. Overall energy, the hangedman.

Oracle cards: I know I messed up everything, it's time for me to heal now, I will wait for a sign from you, you were the best thing in my life, the timing just wasn't right

He is taking life slow, and he is finding balance. Like Jay, he is stuck but romantically feels like he is in a break with his person. They are taking distance to revaluate what they want. He sees everything blurry, his state emotionally is exhausted, he is focusing on his financial wealth, but he is revaluating part of himself that he never questioned before. This is a period of transition of himself as a person.

Sunoo

Cards: five of wands, three of wands (rx), knight of swords, death (rx), ten of swords. Overall energy, king of cups (rx).

Oracle cards: I hid who I really am from you, I wish I had treated you better, I wish I could share my good news with you, you and I were too young.

Sunoo is fighting with people who don't want the best for him. He had many opportunities, like opportunity after opportunity, but feels he has to shine more to accept those sponsorships, like an inner competition because if don't they will be given to another. This vibe is definitely HYBE, like if you don't work hard, I will give it to another Enhypen member, and Sunoo feels irritated. He's closed off, and he feels his hard work is ending up to a close street? Like this smells fishy.

And even tho the oracle cards are from the romance truth oracle, the vibe is the same, like you are too young, we can take advantage of you (aka HYBE).

Niki

Cards: nine of wands (rx), queen of cups, justice, four of cups (rx), ten of pentacles. Overall energy, seven of swords.

Oracle cards: my life is not as together as it seems, I know I was a distraction from your pain, I can't stop thinking about you, I wish I could take back my words.

And finally Niki, oof okay, there's lies, there's hidden truths, it's just he isn't happy. There's so much crap hidden. He wants his 10 of pentacles a happy relationship, but his has a fours of cups reversed, so he's taking action. He wants to make it up, but with seven of swords, there's something wrong. He's in his feels, like he would give everything to his partner, but he's very intuitive, so if someone is trying to screw him over, he will know, his intuition will save him. I think the energy of this is that he wants a relationship, but he had so many disappointments that he would give up, but no anymore. He is letting his guard down. I think seven of swords could also be white lies to new people who will meet, but for future partner, they need to have patience with him.

This changes over time. Everyone has free will and vibrations change. Hope you like this reading <3

© rights reserved to timetraveldystopia

[hangeslefteye]

What does your favorite Aot boy tells me about you/your romantic preference????

 100% shitpost,I'm no therapist feel free to disagree.Before scrolling down try to pick 1-2 of your fave(I know it's hard D:) +I ranked them from my fave to least.

REİNER:You just want to be held,comforted and appreciated.You seriously don't want any drama and rather share some sincere,deep emotions.You really appreciate when a man shows their vulnerable side and open with you.Just as you would appreciate a man's tears you'd also appreciate their strong masculine presence.Which you definitely seek some HEALTHY masculinity in a s/o as this makes you feel safe and loved.Also you want big boy hugs that will comfort you.

PORCO:You are most likely to have a mean flirting style but you are still chill and don't want any real fights in a relationship as you get heartbroken easily .You love it when someone keeps you on your toes without being a real asshole.This gives you healthy sexual tension.Overall you want fun, love and passion at the same time.You are KİNDLY playful yet emotionally intense.You hide your feelings with sarcasm A LOT.

JEAN:You are also a very emotionally intelligent person but you might be a little bit of a hopeless romantic.You love the thrill of being in love and anything that comes with it.You still appreciate cliche/cheesy romantic gestures.At love you might be slightly masochistical and platonic yet very adoring.You have big simp tendacies and you are dreamy.When you love,you love beautifully.Literally aesthetically.You live your love like an old romance movie which might come off fake or shallow to others but actually you internalize it A LOT.

ZEKE:You are mentally fcked up.You should seriously go see a real therapist rather than trying to cope up with dark humour.You might get attracted to slightly older and dominant men.You are pursuing a toxic love life that's dangerous.You have an apetite for toxic masculinity and controlling behaviour.You do this 100% on purpose because enjoy it and not by mistake but this can be risky.You LOVE mind games and get bored from anything soft hearted.After all what is love to you without a pinch of manipulation?

CONNİE:You are the most relaxed and down to earth person ever.It's important for you to be friends with your romantical interest because relationships just feels easier and more fun like that.You really want to be able to talk about EVERYTHİNG going on in your life unfiltered.Obvious flirting might make you feel uncomfortable as you prefer to keep it playful and soft hearted.Also you want your love interest 7/24 around you but not in a clingy way.That's why a somewhat childish friendly love charms you.

EREN:You like sterotypical toxic romance.The type where couples punches walls,screams and throws things.You think this is passionate and you love your men a little problematic.You are slightly masochistical and want some drama.You also feel things deeply and somewhat hot headed.You might have an interesting urge to cling onto emotionally unavailable men.Angry sex is possibly your way of emotional bounding.

ARMİN:If you like Armin because he's so calm and kind and sympatic etc. Sorry to say,you are a little bad at reading people.Because in reality he is quite capable of heavy manipulation and hide it behind his angel face.On this matter maybe he's even more dangerous than Zeke.If you realised this but he's still your favorite then you too love mindgames and passive agressive drama in a relationship.You think intelligence and sophistication is the sexiest thing about a love interest.You love subtle manipulation fights in a relationship.

For girls edition

[hwnglx]

does jungkook have any romantic feelings towards chaewon?

jungkook + chaewon

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

how does jungkook feel about chaewon? queofsw&3ofsw, 7ofp, 5ofsw, star&empr

he likes her a lot, for sure. jungkook always gives me this impression of being in love with love, he falls in love with the idea of people and being with them.. i'm getting a similar vibe with chaewon here. he thinks she's a beautiful girl, very desirable. there's something about her presence he feels very drawn to, and i can tell he views her as someone who embodies a lot of the things he wishes for in his partner. this balance between assertive and soft energy in her is something he feels very attracted to.

however, it seems that there is a clear distance between the two, which does stress him out to an extent and causes this lack of hope in him. the star is a card of wishful thinking, having high hopes and longing.. you know how stars are bright, dazzling and so beautiful to look at, yet so far away? you can look at them, but not access them in any way. that's what he feels towards chaewon, especially considering the cold and emotionally detached queen of swords representing her in this spread.

at the same time, i can feel that this sense of unavailability she gives him, is what intrigues him. he's a very admired and desired man, gets a lot of people taking interest in him, is probably used to being flirted with all the time. so, someone giving him the cold shoulder for a change, seems to compel him a lot. he's aware it'll require a lot of consistent efforts and patience to access her.

how does chaewon feel about jungkook? 9ofc, char&4ofsw, strength, wheel

wow, this girl has very powerful energy.. i looked up her chart and she's a heavy leo stellium, which made everything kinda click for me.

being so leo dominant, chaewon feels and experiences everything in a very strong way. there is so much drive and energy in her, she has a lot of pride in herself and carries herself in a very confident manner. leo's looove having their ego stroked, and having her venus in leo as well, i can tell that she just truly enjoys being chased after. she wants to feel desired, and jungkook being such a people-pleaser in every way (double virgo, libra venus..) automatically gives her what she wants. to a certain extent, she likes keeping people in suspense. it's like she's telling him "do you want me? okay, you better show me, and work for it." she likes the boost of confidence she gets from that.

even so, the strength card does carry this sense of surpressed emotion in it as well. chaewon seems to be excellent at managing and understanding her emotions, in a way where she can almost chose what to let consume her. there do seem to be strong feelings in regards to jungkook, but she is good at keeping them under control. the four of swords is validating this, in a way where she just seems to be laying her emotions low, not giving in to the intensity of them. with the wheel of fortune in the end, chaewon is letting things play out for now, and isn't too crazy about controlling the situation. however, i got the nine of wands at the bottom of the deck.. which leads me to believe, there is a lot of wariness and caution when it comes to jungkook.

behind this strong and confident facade, there is this feeling of being scared to let down her guard, out of fear of being hurt in the end. i think most people who are offered the choice of engaging with someone as popular as jungkook romantically, will be pretty careful and slightly hesitant at first, since they could be facing a lot of undeserved backlash and consequences they wanna avoid at all costs, especially in regards to their career as well.

kinda sad, since i get this message for basically every person who is linked to jk in a more intimate manner. they're all more or less scared of the hate they could receive.. also sad for jungkook, since he obviously deserves a happy relationship without burdening his s/o with this baggage of unwanted attention they will receive almost automatically.

[thewayuarent]

Sorry to bother you but I’m so confused about the idea that SandRay should separate because “Sand deserves better”. I don’t know what to think about it, cause I kind of felt the same way a lot and I know that Ray is complicated and struggling and I want Sand be there for him but I’m not so sure what Sand gets from this relationship. I don’t want to sound like people who say that Ray doesn’t deserve love, because he does. But at the same time, Sand deserves it too and I don’t know, it just bothers me a lot

Or, never be sorry to bother me! I’m not bothered at all, I love to talk about this show, and thank you for bringing this topic, cause god I do have some things to say.

First of all, it’s totally fine and valid to have a complex mix of feelings towards Sand and Ray situation - or any situation in this show. They are complicated people with complicated relationships that started as deeply toxic and sometimes you can feel contradictory emotions at the same time - this happens. It’s also fine that SandRay dynamic is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. Every perspective is valid.

But. The whole “Sand deserves better” narrative drives me nuts. I made a post about it already but I have things to add.

The idea that person deserves better than their current relationship is valid in a lot of different situations: when it’s about abuse, or when it’s about people who stay in toxic relationships because they believe it’s the only thing that serves them right. It’s about people who need support and help to find their own validation. It’s about people who were tricked into believing their person is good for them only to find out they are in a toxic relationship when it’s too late for them to easily move on, etc.

Nothing from that is about Sand. Since the very beginning - the bar fight, bringing drunk unconscious Ray to his home, being accused on assault and robbery, being paid for his company and engaging in sex without obligations mess - Sand always knew who Ray is. And Sand is self aware (I would argue the most self aware of all of them speaking about feelings part) and self confident person, who, despite of what a lot of people believe, has enough level of self respect. Again, he’s very much aware

Sand is not a victim of Ray. He just loves him, easy as that. And he doesn’t need to be saved. Sand is a grown man who understands clearly what he got himself into. This is his choice. It’s not for everyone, I get it, but it’s not about Sand being stupid or delusional. It’s about him choosing this complicated deeply damaged man to love. He’s fine.

What Sand gets from this relationship? A lot of things, I think. He gets an attractive partner and - I would assume - great sex, he gets interesting conversations, he gets someone who needs him - and I believe Sand has a deep need to be needed. He gets someone who pays attention to him, who wants him, who is totally a bit crazy about him. Sand gets someone who he can care about - and for caretakers like Sand this means a lot. He gets someone who takes his care and thankful for that.

Important topic that frequently is overlooked: he gets the person who is not driven away by his sarcasm and emotional unavailability. Sand has a lot of great qualities, but he has a clear problem with showing or telling his true feelings and emotions. And for a lot of people that may be an obstacle. Not for Ray.

Sand gets a lot of toxic shit from this relationship, but he gets a lot of positive things that for him personally are worth it - because no one said that Sand is perfectly normal, you know?

But what’s also important to remember, that love is not transactional. You don’t love someone just because they do everything for you to love them. Love is a complicated thing and for every person it’s very unique experience and very unique reasoning. Sand doesn’t need a numbered list of reasons to love Ray. And this works for both of them, by the way. Yo is very right saying “Good can’t buy love”. If it was that easy the world would be a different place. If it was that easy, Ray wouldn’t be able to move on from Mew just because Sand is good for him (tho it definitely helped).

And another thing I want to add. You know who will be the first person to tell that Sand deserves better? This guy

Ray is simultaneously very selfish and very self hatred person. He wants Sand and he makes everything to keep Sand, but at the same time he has no fucking idea of why Sand is still here. There is the reason (beside the fact that he was raised in money buys all mentality he’s totally adapted) why he believed so easily that it was all about money - because for him it is the only logical explanation. He believes he’s not worth love just because, and he genuinely doesn’t understand what he can give to Sand. His body? His questionable personality? His small awkward attempts to show care he started to make in episode 10? And now - his attempt to get better? Which is huge, huge thing, by the way. For some people that’s not enough. But for Sand it is.

Like it or not, but Sand doesn’t “deserve better”. He deserves exactly what he wants. And what he wants is Ray. Simple as that.

[starpotionz]

Rottmnt donnie headcanon, how does he deal with a s/o who finds normal life confusing or has anxiety, naturally jumpy at everything, but in crisis they’re really calm, it’s canon Donnie freaks out in a crisis, Donnie’s panicking calms s/o and s/o helps him have a cool head and directs them both of how to solve the issues. Secret bossy side. A crisis doesn’t happen often so it’d be a new side to s/o he’s not seen. How does he deal?

Hell yea! We love opposites attract man! Sorry it took so long to do this! I’m working on doing all my requests!

~Donnie~

•You and Donnie have been together for awhile, but even so your anxious nature still confuses him to no end.

•Like you’ll scream at the slightest thump and run to him with tears in your eyes whenever you see a shady figure in the darkened layer.

•it could get… annoying, but he loved you so he would comfort you to the best of his ability. His comforting skills were definitely subpar, but hey he was trying

•besides he knew he was doing something right when you would softly giggle at his quiet whispers of his new ideas for inventions.

•said giggles were always followed with you giving him delicate kisses in his beak and whispering back which ideas you liked.

•it was hard sometimes but you both got through it together. After all, you were the only person or thing he’s ever even thought about romantically or been attracted to

• however, what really confused his genius mind was the fact whenever him, his brothers, and April got in mortal danger you would be the most level-headed out of the 6.

•you would calmly assess the situation and take the reigns while the rest of them were anything but calm.

•hell, in every highly stressful situation you would help ease the teams (and especially his) fears

•you would calmly grab his hand with a soft grip and bring his hand to your lips. Whispering calm words into his fingers, which always eased his own anxiety.

•it was scary how quickly you could comfort his frantic mind. Like water to a fire, your coolness eased his flame.

•it’s not often your the one comforting him. The first time he saw this side of you he almost started panicking more.

•he’s used to you being the fidgety anxious one and him being the cool unavailable bad boy. Your reactions still freak him out, but he’s glad at least one of you guys can keep a level head in those situations.

•it’s only for dire or emotional situations too. When it’s his family’s normal shenanigans you’re almost in tears trying to help but ultimately failing.

•at the end of the day, he loves you and even with your weird anxiety-danger radar he wouldn’t have anyone else as his partner.

[sleepymarmot]

Seventeen Moments of Spring (1973): a review

Here is the non-spoilery review/introduction/recommendation I promised.

For many of us living in the post-Soviet states, this title needs no introduction. It’s impossible to remember how old I was when I encountered a Stierlitz joke for the first time — elementary school age, maybe earlier? What I didn’t realize was that the show had become such a hit not just because of its effective mythmaking or because the hero is absurdly badass, though both of these things are true. It is also genuinely brilliant TV that stood the test of time with ease.

Seventeen Moments of Spring turns 50 in a few months. That means that as good as the show is, it is of course also dated in several ways. The most noticeable is the pacing. This show was made for an entirely different attention span in mind. It’s not a problem of a slow start — the stakes are established within the first episode. But every individual scene takes more time than it would have taken in a modern show, and the addition of real newsreel footage slows down the action even further.

Another thing that is noticeable to the modern viewer is how gendered the story is. The nigh-untouchable (to a certain extent — no spoilers!) protagonist embodies pretty much every masculine virtue you can think of, and selflessly sacrifices his feelings for patriotic duty. There’s only one prominent female character, and she is given the opposite role: more vulnerability, more raw emotion, less opportunity for dashing heroism. The show’s director is a woman, and this might rightfully be a factor in you deciding to watch this show — but don’t let that give you false hopes for a feminist narrative.

The show is an adaptation of a single novel in a series, and that has certain effects on the plot. One of them is a huge benefit compared to what saturates the modern pop culture: the show wastes no time on establishing an origin story, opening in the final months of the war with all pieces already on the board. The main plot was perhaps better suited for a book format: I found it convoluted and difficult to follow, especially when the voiceover narration didn’t offer extra explanations. By the way, the show’s method of information delivery also needed getting used to: for me, plot developments were often confusing upon first introduction, and became clear as they were explained later.

But you don’t need to know anything about the plot beforehand. I didn’t. I was only aware of the premise — a Soviet spy in deep cover in Nazi Germany — and that was probably the perfect amount of knowledge. My viewing experience was a strange version of a completely fresh unspoiled first viewing where I had to guess where the plot was heading and concentrate hard on following it, except I’d known the protagonist’s name since childhood and so had to simultaneously observe another process: how it slowly ceased to be the name of just the joke character and became the name of a dreamy angsty hypercompetent hero I was forming an emotional attachment to.

One of the main factors of the show’s success are the attraction and sympathy the main character inspires despite — or, rather, because of — his emotional unavailability. The creators understood the appeal of a handsome man who is not only very good at his job but also represses his true self and creatively adapts it to the environment just as clearly as any modern day fangirl does. He is in tight control of not only his actions but also every emotion he allows to reach his face. The actor’s expression barely changes even in the most open, unguarded moments. And yet the hero’s exhaustion, loneliness, and homesickness are effectively conveyed with the help of the iconic music in the long, slow scenes, achieving the lyricism that became one of the most memorable aspects of the show.

Don’t look for historical accuracy here. According to several researches referenced by the Wikipedia article, the setting was more of a reflection of the USSR than a faithful depiction of the Third Reich. I assume that watching this will give you more insight on Soviet culture than on WWII.

You might want to check out this show if you are interested in:

hypercompetent protagonists

also very competent antagonists who act like three-dimensional humans and not evil cardboard cutouts

men who are emotionally repressed almost to the breaking point

Stoic Masculine Angst™

political intrigue and spy mind games

the unrelenting tension of working against some of the most dangerous people on the planet right under their nose

all sorts of people living in a totalitarian state, the roles they have chosen to play in it, and how they act when they know its days are numbered

excellent acting

black and white cinematography, intentionally chosen over color for stylistic reasons

beautiful theme music

On the other hand, here are some things that you might want to be aware of. The pacing is slow, the plot demands attention, and the material is often heavy — so it’s more of a “slow journey over 2-4 weeks” show than a “binge in two days” one. For me, the episodes usually took more time to watch than their actual runtime, and left me exhausted — and I suspect I’m not the only one. Important content warning: one of the episodes shows real concentration camp footage; you can notice when the narration starts going in that direction and prepare yourself. There are also scenes of physical and psychological torture inflicted on people of various ages starting from a very small child; they’re not gory but still disturbing. Some other scenes I found hard to watch because of how suspenseful they were. On the flip side, you might find the black uniforms and cars a tad too sleek and fashionable, and there are characters based on real Nazis who are written and played charismatically enough that you might be surprised by how happy you are to see them on screen. Don’t even try to apply any modern Western standards of representation, obviously — not only because the show is half a century old but even more so because of the setting. Ignore the colorized version if you encounter that, watch the black and white original.

Finally, I can’t not mention why I suddenly decided to watch this classic after having zero interest in it throughout my entire life. The last few months of 2022 were brightened for me by two works of fiction:

A star-filled, stylish cult 1973 drama about a Russian man in a violent Western European environment, featuring a time/clock motif and a major female character named Katya

A 12-episode TV show about the fight against fascism, notable for portraying the antagonists as humans as opposed to one-dimensional evil caricatures, and likely to irritate some viewers with its slow pacing

I started watching Seventeen Moments of Spring because it was a classic antifascist espionage TV show from 1973, and was amazed to discover that it also shared all other features listed above. It’s not often you watch something at just the right time mostly by coincidence! Shout out to the film that is definitely real and the show that might be a fandom’s collective fever dream (or is that the other way around?) for bringing me here.

[firsttarotreader]

but he thinks he’s the shit and he can always fix everything, but never does. //

Damn Pedgie I can relate 😭😭😭 I wanna ask the cards again if you can, but... first, I'm going to ask your own take, Tarot Mami🥰 or other anons too

Would he be possibly get out from these situations? Maybe by meeting someone who can understand his "lack of definition", or maybe from other ... methods as well - I saw people saying that he's a red flag who needs therapy. Telling by experience it's so hard to break the cycle and the pattern repeats, and because we're like, "oh i need to fix them and i can!" then enduring our pain though the person would continuously burn us out.

Btw this probably means nothing - but astrology anons might help🤣 I'm a Libra sun & Sag moon and somehow I think the anon who says Pedro not fitting into Capri moon but Sag moon instead is true. I dont mean to project but I see his (damaging) traits in my own self lmaooo

Hello! Well, I asked the cards about it, but you also asked my take on it. I think it’s really hard to break the cycle (being attracted to unavailable people and people he knows are going to hurt him or situations that won’t last) if you don’t know why you are repeating it, and you cannot figure that out easily since most of the reasons are in the unconscious mind.

Anyway, I first asked directly if he could possibly get out of the cycle and the Major Arcana were The Hanged Man, Strength and The Sun.

Well, at the moment our man seems to be in suspension with The Hanged Man. He’s hesitant, he doesn’t want to deep dive because he’s insecure, so he’s just… there, not really making any moves in any direction. Strength has been a common card in his readings lately, that need to master his raw emotions and stay in control of the situation, while The Sun shows him being aware of it all, pretty much conscious of the way he tends to be attracted to unavailable people and kind of making the decision to stay this way because he is “satisfied” with it. He’s been holding back on doing anything different because he just doesn’t want to and this is clear to him.

The Minor Arcana were the Ace of Cups, 7 of Cups and Page of Wands. Ace of Cups with The Hanged Man is interesting because the Ace represents letting the feelings flow, then seeing things from a new perspective, making a move and allowing love to happen in a different way. 7 of Cups paired with Strength makes me think he’s trying to control and limit his possibilities, and it could also point to idealizing and fantasizing too much about what relationships should be like, as if he uses all this idealizing to stay in control. Page of Wands with The Sun in this context might mean he’s this boy who wants to explore new things and try new things and who’s full of fire energy to experiment. However, I think he would also have to use this energy for beginnings as the driving force to experiment new ways of connecting with people romantically and sexually, different types of people and in different situations. You can try new things or you can try the same thing many times, just with new people.

So I would say he’s not really ready at the moment to try and get out of these situations, he would have to be open to a new and different attraction, but he’s suspended, he’s not there yet.

Then I asked my Alice in Wonderland deck for more info and the cards were really similar. The first ones were The Chariot, Ace of Teacups and The Emperor.

The Chariot is that movement he would need to get out of The Hanged Man position, he would have to be open to a new path and actively follow it, to the Ace of Teacups, letting the feelings flow in a new way. BUT there he is again, The Emperor, he’ll do what he wants when he wants because he is in control, he will make his own decisions and he will know when to.

The last pull was The Star, 7 of Teacups and 10 of Spears. The Star is the card of hope and optimism, being able to actually think it’s worth it doing something different and be open to the 7 of Teacups, the many possibilities. But for that, it would be necessary to leave his old ways behind with the 10 of Spears.

So as you can see, it’s still up to him and still a matter of being open to the new and different. As we always say, though, he doesn’t need to be, only if he wants to.

[redfountainpostin]

They are both idiots but I'll do Musa first.

I always said Musa is a girl on which it is painfully obvious she didn't have a mom. When you're a tween growing into teen girl and you start looking at boys, sometimes, either through the media influence (romcoms, silly books, TV shows) or your own immaturity, you may start appreciating wrong things in guys or expecting a romance like in the media you watch. Your mom's job is to tell you "no, guys can't read your mind" "no, bad boys aren't always cute" and "don't you dare go forth trying to fix that damn man". Musa did not have that guidance (her dad never stepped up and we never hear of any relatives filling her mom's shoes) and when it comes to the relationships she's very, very immature- that is no attack on Musa, Musa is a 16 year old girl, she can be as unprepared for a relationship as she wants. She fell for Riven super hard and when she finally did get him, she at more than one occasion (no do not ask me to give you exact scenes bc I cannot) wanted him to basically read her mind. She also is holding some of his flaws against him way too harshly considering that she TOOK HIM LIKE THAT. When she first wanted him he was way worse, even. This is not me saying girls should power through their boyfriend's shit just because it was there when they got em. HOWEVER, Musa had no business being surprised. She knew what he was like, and took his issues PERSONALLY when honestly, they had nothing to do with her. He's a lil fucked up, but he loves her. If she wanted a smoother relationship, she should have been ready for some of his issues and handled them with thicker skin. There's also the fact that it most of his issues: anger issues, emotional unavailability, short temper, lone wolf tendencies, are things she was/is attracted to. That's the problem when you're 16 and immature relationship-wise. Now, I am not even sure rn how THAT would be fixed, but here I'll also give Musa more grace and say that lassie is too busy saving the planet all the time to perfectly build her relationship and learn about herself and figure out what she wants quickly. As for Riven- well, I don't really need to write a lot here, we all know what his flaws are. What he could do there... uh. DON'T be a massive prick, I guess? Lol. Anyways. I will however add my theory here that his and Darcy's relationship, before it went tits up, was actually amazing- in no small thanks to the fact that the girl was reading his mind and she KNEW what was up at all time. She KNEW how he felt about her and there were no insecurities on either side. Add to that that Riven's love language is acts of service- they were perfect. Musa, however, is miss independent and doesn't need him to do shit for her, she wants emotional availability, which Riven, by nature closed off and freshly traumatized (thanks obama darcy) just cannot give, and he also cannot explain to her WHY he can't. Although, if he had the emotional intelligence to explain why he can't give it, he'd also be able to just give it, so... hm. Wrote myself in a corner here lol. Anyways can we also just appreciate the fact that the dude literally taking a killing blow for her was never that much considered, after? Like Musa and Layla are chatting about Musa breaking up with him and no one, not even Musa, brings up that fact? I blame writing honestly, my girls are innocent. I'm not saying she'd have to stay with him JUST because of that, but man, it deserves a place in the "pros" list lololololol.

I’ll never understand why do so many people hate on Darcy and Riven’s relationship during season 1, saying Riven cheated on Musa while back then they had nothing going on between them except Musa having a crush on him (and Riven never even really answered to her feelings so it’s not like he was giving Musa empty hopes/promises). These are the same people who have nothing against Musa dating Jared in season 2, which was basically the same case- Musa and Riven had nothing to do with each other and they were free to date whoever they want, so why is Riven having a girlfriend (Darcy) cheating, but Musa dating Jared not? None of these really is cheating since they were a couple, therefore how was Riven toxic for dating Darcy? Wasn’t Musa the toxic one by basically stalking Riven and being obsessed with him and his girlfriend?

[inspiteallthedanger]

Hello! A few days ago, I saw a comment on here that said John was attracted to Paul, in part, because of Paul's emotional unavailability. I've been mulling that over. I know that being attracted to emotional unavailability is a thing, but I don't really see that from John. Both Cynthia and Yoko seem very doting IMO. I wondered what your opinion on it was!

p.s. I always really love your hashtags, just wanted to say that!

This is such a good question.

I think it's complicated in that you're totally correct. But, there's some nuance there.

Firstly, yes, absolutely he wants all the attention and wants to feel secure and loved. He really does need that. But that was never going to be enough - the call was coming from inside the house in that instance, so there was no external stimuli that was going to make John Lennon feel safe in his relationships.

But, I really don't think Paul's emotional unavailability was what John liked about him. One of things that I found so surprising, when I started really looking into it, was how much he liked Paul. He genuinely seemed to enjoy Paul in almost every single way. Not only because he 'looked like Elvis' the 'most beautiful man he'd ever seen'. But they shared a sense of humor, they inspired each other creatively, they really supported one another and built one another up. They really complimented each other and filled in one another’s gaps. John could give things to Paul and get things in return. That was the point. Paul was also very good at managing John in a lot of ways, which meant that he must have been at least somewhat emotionally open with him, because that’s who John is.

But, I've said before that Paul was John’s type - he is the titular 'Girl' (not that it was written specifically about Paul, it just happens to describe him). John likes to be treated a little rough because he doesn't really feel worthy of love and anyone really worth having would know that on some level. They'd be better than John and they'd know it. It's not just Girl that has that vibe, but it's the most obviously expressed there.

I also think John liked being challenged; this is something they both liked (Paul says that about most of his romantic partners too). Hence all the competition everyone loves to talk about. But John did seem to also enjoy the chase and being kept on his toes stopped him from thinking about anything else. I think he was suspicious of people that were too committed to him. This is what Yoko seemed to know, and she and he were engaged in all manner of mind games that revolved around pulling each other close and then pushing each other away. Seems exhausting, but it sort of seemed to work for them.

Also, I think it's confusing because Paul not being totally committed was probably what made them work for as long as they did. The idea that there could be more, and John's chasing that, probably did add some spark. It also meant he could always think that if he got it, it would be the thing that fixed him. He never had to test it and find out it didn't, and it gave him something to work for. Paul would seem to get close to giving it too and then pull back.

BUT he was getting enough to be mostly happy. I can't stress that enough. Paul was a big part of his life - he wasn't pining away from afar. I don't think John had the patience for that. He got nearly enough. So close to heaven he could almost taste it and for a long time that was fine. That was better because I very much doubt John consciously wanted anything else. Paul clearly let John get closer than he did almost anyone before or since - he simply wouldn’t have been as destroyed by the breakup otherwise. So, the bond was mutually created and maintained. They were both happy. Not that they never argued, but that was the spice that kept it interesting.

Why that changed is such a difficult one to know. Perhaps the frustration just got too much and John realised that maybe he could have it all with someone else. I mean, that's what he said it was, and I guess there's no need to not believe him.

So, I guess I’m saying that he wasn't attracted to Paul because he was emotionally unavailable, but that might have been what kept them going for so long.

Hope that makes sense but shout if not.

[eviebyme]

hi! i saw your ideal type post for jaehyun from nct and i was wondering if you could also do yuta? and if your up for it could you also do what he would be like as a bf? i understand if you don’t want to. thx!

Hi anon! I’ll start with Yuta’s Ideal Type!

☀️Ideal Type Series☀️

Yuta Ideal Type

Mysterious

Seductive

Edgy

Independent

Bold

Intuitive

Patient

Loyal

Adventurous

Yuta is definitely the Scorpio King with most of his major placements in Scorpio. As a man with his Venus in Scorpio, he is attracted to mystery and seduction. People who initially give up too much information about themselves bore him. An individual who is complex and deep will instantly attract him and lure him in. Although he may have a quiet intensity, he will seek a lover who is dynamic and bold. Someone who is not afraid to speak up for themselves is extremely attractive to him.

Additionally, someone with power captivates him as well. He is a social creature and will constantly be dragging you along to places with his friends. Someone who is confident and can fearlessly present themselves will be very sexy to him. Also, an individual who is confident enough to express themselves in funky fashion or piercings and tattoos will be incredibly appealing to him. He likes edginess and those who do not follow the norm. Also, his Juno in Capricorn indicates he would want a partner who has a high social status, whether they are popular in their friend group or a celebrity, someone who others look up to will be alluring to him.

To that point, his Eros in Pisces will make him tend to chase after unavailable love interests. His ideal type will be someone who he has to work hard to get. People are naturally attracted to his charm and sensuality, but he will want to pursue someone who seems intangible. Often he admires from afar and will only pursue you if you express interest in him or he is truly enamored.

Yuta is an all or nothing type of man. He does not do casual dating or flings and will be incredibly passionate and devoted to whoever he commits to. For some, his emotions may be overwhelming but his ideal partner would be someone who loves just as passionately as him. But, he is incredibly cautious with his feelings since they run so deep. He may put you through a series of tests to see if you are trustworthy. Someone intuitive and patient would work best with his hesitancy. If you are able to tolerate his constant testing, the reward will be definitely worth it. As a Scorpio, he has issues with trust and is prone to jealousy. Although a trustworthy, loyal partner would be greatly appreciated, his feelings of jealousy may always be apparent. It will take him a long time to trust you, even deep into your relationship, so you would have to continuously work to prove your loyalty.

Yuta can switch between being submissive and dominant in the bedroom. He is kinky and likes to talk dirty, but is open to trying new things. Someone open to communication and adventurous would be ideal to keep the relationship exciting and fresh.

Requests Open!

✨Works in Progress✨

✨Masterlist✨

[feralaot]

GIVE ME. FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC HCS

for example AruAni gives off “I hate everybody but I hate you less” energy

literally any duo/trio/group you want just plz. I love them and I have my own ideas but wanna see yours ✌️💋

ohoho here we go.... this is gonna be a long one

AOT pairings + their dynamics

no warnings

eren / mikasa (romantic): the crime fighting duo

they can and they will mess up anyone and everyone who fucks with them. the kind of duo that seems to bond the most when they’re being violent and they want to make you scream “JUST CONFESS YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER, FOOLS” and the slowburn is far too painful on the soul

eren / armin (platonic): the bad guy and the virtuous ray of sunshine

armin is the sweetest creature to grace this world and eren is literally the opposite but somehow they’re compatible. eren acts emotionally unavailable but good god armin brings out even the most buried emotion in him through his blinding rays of obnoxious joy and caring. obviously this didn’t last forever

eren / levi (platonic): the obnoxious child and the tired parent

somebody please give levi a break. it’s difficult being a single mother of six especially when you’re a middle aged man and one of your children is a war criminal.

sasha / connie (open to interpretation): the dumb & dumber mutual enablers

where one goes, the other goes. what trouble one gets into, the other gets into. they enable each other’s chaos and general misdeeds and will sit next to each other in a jail cell awaiting levi to bail them out while giggling and saying “wasn’t that fun?”

sasha / reiner (platonic): the eccentric girl and her emotional support himbo

one is a ball of chaos with a soft spot and the other is (relatively) normal but is also a chaos enabler. they feed off of each other's energy and are just about the closest thing you can get to the human equivalents of a bull and a matador but they also rely on each other for emotional support

armin / annie (romantic): pure looking (but hella shady) and scary looking (but actually a softie)

they are definitely not what either of them appear to be. the gentle little ball of sunshine is actually a scheming bastard and the one that looks like she’ll beat you up just for looking at her the wrong way is actually very soft at heart. and they are in love of course

jean / armin (platonic): the delinquent and the keener

jean used to skip, get bad grades, and get in trouble a lot but eventually worked on becoming a lot better because of armin’s enthusiasm and borderline annoying encouragement. on the other hand armin loosened up a lot and became less strict thanks to jean’s easy going attitude and they help each other improve themselves :’)

jean / connie (platonic): the dumbass and “oh god I guess they’re MY dumbass”

connie is like a dog without a leash and jean is the wrangler that desperately tries to keep him at least relatively tame. although sometimes it’s hard to keep somebody in check while also not wanting to give into their shenanigans and enable them

connie / reiner (platonic): the idiot and the idiot in progress

one has been an idiot since birth and it shows. meanwhile the other is losing more brain cells the more time they spend together. they feed off of each other’s energy and channel it into chaos and misdeeds

historia / ymir (romantic): the loner and the popular chick

historia is one of the few people who actually notices ymir, who doesn’t get the hype about her at first but warms up to her over time. they seem like polar opposites to anyone on the outside so it might be hard to tell that they’re very compatible with each other and lowkey enable each other

hange / levi (open to interpretation): the hooligan and the voice of reason

hange is the big bad conniving bastard and levi is the poor sod that has been dragged into their mess and was hit with a sudden and painful realization that he’s in deep trouble in every possible sense of the word. they are of equal strength except one has rabies

erwin / levi (open to interpretation): the kind giant and the bundle of repressed rage

one will make impulsive decisions on a dime and the other is the only one that can keep him grounded, at least most of the time. one is easy going the other is seething with buried anger and they balance each other out. however both would throw hands if anyone got between them

levi / zeke (open to interpretation): enemies to acquaintances to friends to ???

nobody knows what they truly think about each other and they probably don’t either. they’ll be fighting tooth and nail one moment then probably go out to get lunch an hour later. it’s a bit rocky, but they’ll figure it out eventually

reiner / bertholdt (romantic): two bros chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart because they won’t confess their undying love for each other

literally everyone can sense the mutual pining from a mile away but they’re both so dense and oblivious for the longest time until they get things sorted and confess. one has too much pride to risk losing and the other is scared to ruin their relationship. this pairing will test both your patience and your sanity

reiner / eren (platonic): rivals to dumbass bros

most of the time they can’t stand each other and will argue with no end in sight but other times they’ll be slumped against each other or one will be sprawled out across the other and they’re having deep conversations and watching tv. it’s really a hit or miss situation

reiner / ymir (platonic): the gay solidarity

the mlm and wlw solidarity is real and it shows. they’re both jerks who only really have each other in terms of close friendships but by all means it’s an unbreakable bond

reiner / armin (platonic): honorarily deemed “one of the boys”

they have some kind of solidarity but neither of them really knows what it is, they just get along really well for some reason. thus reiner has deemed armin officially one of the boys and is included in activities w the boys e.g. movie night. they have a lot of inside jokes

reiner / zeke / bertholdt (platonic): the pining couple and the third wheel

reiner and bertholdt won’t admit it to his face because it would boost his ego tenfold but they’re lowkey kinda scared of zeke. but zeke is just a himbo that kind of hangs around and judges them and can tell they’re in love and is just waiting for the day they admit it

bertholdt / armin (platonic): the pessimist and the optimist

they’re both very pure sweet besties except one is a cynic and the other focuses on all the joy in the world. fill in the blanks.

pieck / porco (open to interpretation): the cinnabun and the hothead

one is too sweet and wholesome to be alive and the other is perpetually angry but is still cute. the contrast shows but they’re still sweethearts that are obviously meant to balance each other out

porco / reiner (platonic): the bastard and the accidental bastard magnet

they started as enemies and slowly evolved into something vaguely reminiscent of... friends? yeah, friends. reiner doesn’t know how he keeps attracting assholes like this but for some godforsaken reason he puts up with it.

[josiecarioca]

About Shafiq’s "crush” on Severus

(Post War headcanon/meta/rambling/whatever this is, because @hayalee8 wanted to know. Also tagging @dragon-cove-719 @snapescapades @hbprincealice and @blxck-cxffee13 )

If you´ve been reading “Post War”, you must have noticed by now that Virgil Shafiq has a very particular type of relationship with Severus. I’ve been calling it an “unresolved crush” for the sake of simplicity, but it’s far more complicated than that.

Virgil Amir Shafiq is the youngest of three sons born to the Pureblood Shafiq family, one of the “Sacred 28″.  His father is the head of the family and inherited the Shafiq’s business of magical gems and stones, his mother improved the family business with her jewelry designs which used the materials’ magical properties to create stunning visual effects. 

In “Post War”,  Shafiq is introduced in chapter 53 like this:

“Virgil had never tasted the bitterness of struggle as a child. He was the youngest of three boys, born to a well-off family of purebloods. His parents were liberal Muslims who were fairly  easygoing in their upbringing. Coming to Hogwarts in the wake of his two older brothers graduating with near perfect scores, Virgil had a metaphorical red carpet laid out in front of him. Every teacher assumed he´d excel in everything just like his brothers had, and only ever showed surprise when he didn´t perform any less than stelarly.

Every teacher except Snape.

The only thing Snape assumed about any student was that they´d be a failure. And it was up to them to prove him wrong. It was the first time Virgil was challenged. Snape had been a very young man then, only 21 years old and in his first year as a teacher. He hadn´t taught any of Virgil´s brothers, so he didn´t compare Virgil to anybody except Virgil himself, and with that he was never pleased, never satisfied. 'Fix your tie, Mr. Shafiq', 'watch the cauldron´s temperature, Mr. Shafiq', 'do it over, Mr. Shafiq'. Praise from other teachers was such a common occurrence it meant close to nothing to him, but Virgil could distinctively remember the first time he got a nod of approval on a potion brewed to perfection from Professor Snape and how much that had meant to him. "Well, done, Mr. Shafiq." “

As a child, Shafiq lived in the shadow of his two older brothers, not exactly  because the was unfavored by his parents and teachers, but because there was a set bar, a level of expectation already set for him, and regardless of how accomplished he was, it was, to some level, taken for granted, because his brothers “did it before”. Shafiq basically didn´t have “room for error”. This led to crippling anxiety about his own performance (be it socially or academically), as he didn´t think he was allowed to make mistakes. That made him very frustrated as his best efforts would always be considered the “baseline” on which he had operate, to the point that his accomplishments went entirely unoticed.

Shafiq’s first year in Hogwarts was also Severus’ first year as a teacher. Severus was only ten years older than Shafiq (a small age difference compared to how much older most other professors were) and he had no expectations when meeting the young boy. In seeking Snape’s approval, Shafiq found a sense of purpose, because that young, snappy, mean teacher was not like everybody else: he didn’t take for granted that Shafiq would be flawless. So Shafiq started to live to impress him. And Severus was impressed. Over the years, Severus made sure to encourage his slytherin students, knowing Slytherin was the house most malignated, the least liked. So he did, in his own way, nurture Shafiq’s talents.

As he grew older, Shafiq started to grapple with his own sexuality. He dated girls, but at the same time felt attracted to boys. His relationship with his best friend, Ravenclaw Leo Levinson, was tinted with shades of romantic attachment, and there were other boys he felt drawn to. At some point he struggled with the question of whether he was gay or not, because while he knew he liked boys, his attraction to girls also felt genuine and correct. He had been attracted to every girl he dated, and didn’t feel like any of those relationships was forced on him in any way, on the contrary, he sought them. Only as an adult did he understand he wasn’t gay, but bisexual. 

In that period of initial confusion about his own identity, he also struggled to make sense of his feelings towards Severus. As a child he admired his teacher. Severus was the only one looking out for Slytherins like Shafiq, he was their head of house, after all. In Shafiq’s eyes Severus also had the confidence, the aplomb the young boy aspired to. Professor Snape was intimidating, respected, and not-to-be-messed-with. Shafiq looked up to him near to the point of hero-worship. But as Shafiq grew older and into his own sexuality, he found there was an element of physical attraction. Shafiq pushed it to the back of his mind, because he felt it was disrespectful, and perhaps he was simply mixing things up. 

However, as an adult Shafiq found himself gravitating towards men who, in some way, were like Severus, whether in temperament or looks. His relationships with men have been mostly disastrous, particularly in comparison with his relationships with women, which tend to be simpler (if somehwat Oedipian). Leo (who’s still very much in love with Shafiq, but has accepted Shafiq only wants him as a friend) is probably the one who best sees how Shafiq’s attractions work: 

He liked his women hyperfeminine, charming, smart. It wasn´t the only thing he liked, but he really did like it. When it came to men, the very few Leo had known of, things got a bit fuzzier. Over the years he had started to notice Virgil gravitate toward the same type...older, unavailable, emotionally distant...and at least a couple of them faintly resembled their former potions master.

Severus, however, is entirely unaware of Shafiq’s feelings for him. Even though Shafiq is nearing 30, whenever Severus looks at him all he sees is a kid. Not just any kid, of course, one of his best students, and one who has and continues to make Severus very proud...but a kid nevertheless. When Shacklebolt offers to provide a “bodyguard” for Evelyn, picked out of the ranks of his best aurors, Severus immediately demands Shafiq for the position. 

Shafiq receives the assignment of protecting Evelyn with mixed feelings. On the one hand he would do anything Severus asked of him, on the other hand the mere idea of Severus having a lover (of any gender) makes him feel weird. In some ways, he idolized Snape to the point of de-sexualizing him, so he felt his own attraction to him was disrespectful. But Evelyn is living evidence of Snape as a sexual being, and that rattles Shafiq to his core.

It all gets complicated in a whole other level when Shafiq meets Evelyn in person. As per Leo’s remarks, Evelyn is exactly Shafiq’s “type” when it comes to women (” He liked his women hyperfeminine, charming, smart. “). And lo and behold, he goes from “who even is this person” to “she’s actually kind of interesting”

Initially, he brushes it off as just finding her good-looking, and that’s that. Shafiq does flirt with women with more ease than he does with men, after all. However, as he starts to become way too attached to Evelyn, who trusts him and cares for him a great deal, he realizes it’s not just that. 

For one, now he can’t push his feelings for Severus aside because Evelyn’s presence established Severus as a sexual being, who can desire and be desired. He’s no longer the professor on a pedestal, safely distant. But being attracted to Evelyn puts in question his feelings for Severus as well: is he really in love with Severus and sees Evelyn is just a sort of “more acceptable/less complicated” proxy? Or are his feelings for Severus merely platonic admiration? In this case his being in love with Evelyn would be a complete betrayal of the man he sees as a mentor. And if he’s not really into her, maybe this supposed attraction for Evelyn is an unconscious attempt to emulate the man he so admires? It could be that there’s something he idealizes about their relationship, this love affair between a wizard and a muggle that has the markings of the type of all-consuming, romantic love story Shafiq has been chasing all his life...

Or maybe, just maybe, you can be in love with two people at once.

Shafiq honestly doesn´t know, which wrecks his emotional stability.