#The Dallas Connection

[cimmerian-war-shrine]

[cinemajunkie70]

A very happy birthday in the afterlife to Julie Strain! Truly one of the greats who left us too soon!

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Dallas Connection (1994)

The Dallas Connection is hilariously inept. In many ways, it’s got everything you want out of a "so bad it's good" action film. The performances are awful, with the title of “least convincing” constantly moving from one actor to the next. The plot is simplistic, bordering on idiotic, making it easy to follow even if you’re spending more time shouting insults at the screen than paying attention to what’s going on. The script contains gems like “I’d like to suck the polish off your toes” to keep you laughing. There aren’t a lot of action scenes but when bullets are exchanged, they usually result in some unconvincing dummies blowing up. Most important of all, it takes itself completely seriously, with several final act twists proving that some of the “mistakes” we saw previously were actually intentional. Only one thing prevents me from wholeheartedly recommending it to everyone. What is it? Read on.

A trio of beautiful assassins - Black Widow (Julie Strain), Cobra (Julie K. Smith) and Scorpion (Wendy Hamilton) - eliminate three of the four scientists involved in the creation of an advanced satellite system. To ensure Antonio Morales (Rodrigo Obregón) doesn’t fall prey to the same fate, special agents Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall), Mark Austin (Mark Barriere), Samantha Maxx (Samantha Phillips) and Nicholas Lang (Roland Marcus) are sent to protect him.

Though the plot is easily summarized, it’s made to seem needlessly complicated. This is because of some equation that was split up among the scientists and then converted into microchips that need to be brought together so the satellite can be activated by a meteor shower. This will allow whoever uses it to detect any weapon on earth, anywhere - even underground. Huh? What? It makes no sense but doesn’t matter. The point is, we have a bunch of male scientists with something the evil people want. How do you get a man to hand over something useful? By seducing them, or blowing them up. Enter the trio of female assassins, all of whom are played by Playboy playmates. Like I always say, if you can’t be good, be sleazy and this movie takes that mantra to heart. Unnecessary shower scenes, prolonged sex scenes, a trip to a strip club and loads of inappropriate outfits make this the kind of movie that would be watched over and over by teenage boys late at night. It’s not quite as bad as Skyscraper, but it’s close. The most hilarious R-rated moment has to be a sequence set in a fancy restaurant. Mr. Morales begins fantasizing about what his bodyguard would look like in lingerie so of course we see Samantha Philips out of her clothes. They had to find some way to get it done… beyond the sex scene she had earlier.

While this obsession with the female body is hilarious and pleasing to anyone who might enjoy the female form… it might also be the one thing that won’t make The Dallas Connection fun for every crowd - especially if your group contains couples. Reportedly, Bruce Penhall’s wife was pretty upset by his enthusiasm in the hot tub scene. It’s easy to see why.

The ladies were cast primarily for their ability to dazzle audiences with their shirts off but the male characters aren't exactly Shakespearean all-stars either. One-liners that should have you cheering will instead make you groan, important dialogue is thoroughly unconvincing (and contains grammatical errors at least once) and everyone comes off as an idiot. It certainly doesn’t help that the story is full of inconsistent behavior - even if you take the twists at the end into consideration. You can spot a boom mike in the upper left corner of an early scene and the story will have you scratching your head. You’d think with the villains’ team being primarily composed of three “strong” women that Samantha would be the big hero at the end. She’s the only one that can’t be seduced, she’s the one that gets closest to Morales, and as the only woman on the team, she stands out. Except she’s a terrible agent. One punch and she’s down for the count - hardly a badass. You might say I was expecting too much but some of the reveals at the end are proper "Oh!" moments that force you to pause and think. Not much, but for a movie of this level, that counts for a lot.

Ultimately, The Dallas Connection is light on the action but makes up for it with the gratuitous nudity. At first, you'll say “Alright, I see what you did there” but it’s expected out of a film like this one. It’s what the poster is promising, after all. The third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. time the film finds a way to get the women out of their clothes are so absurd you'll be howling. Once in a while, it also switches things up with some bad performances, unconvincing dummies, lousy dialogue, and nonsensical writing. From my research, it sounds like this is par for the course for director Christian Drew Sidaris. If that's the case, I’m looking forward to seeing more. (March 26, 2022)

[davidwatchedthat]

4/9/24

THE DALLAS CONNECTION, direction by Christian Drew Sidaris, 1994.

[teex]

"What a fucking pass!" | 12.16.24

[kitnita]

they should make a joint letterboxd account if only so they can look at other people's lists of top rom-coms & expand their horizons

[sokkas-therapist]

The Zvtara fans have Dante Basco as their “leader” of the zutara fandom, now Zukka nation has Dallas Liu and Ian Ousley standing for our cause‼️‼️

I haven’t seen this much zukka and atla fan content being put out since the og show came out on Netflix! We’ve got the good the bad and the very ugly, but the fandom is back baby

[starscelly]

held tenderly by a ref

nsh@dal 01.06.24

[cookinguptales]

lmao I told my dad about how I mistook the WWDITS parody of Newhart as a parody of that parody that came later

and he was like

oh well the Newhart ending was a parody, too?? it was parodying Dallas!

so then I google the ending of Dallas and that was a parody of It's A Wonderful Life

where does it end

where does it all end

[t4tails]

theyre always adding more streets and frontage roads and connections to highways when can we stop when is it over please god our texas spaghetti highways are already fucked up stop adding to them and consider planting some TREES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. its so grey here

[se-hinton-confessions]

Bad habit by the offspring is Dallas core

.

[sncwonthebeach]

GUYS IM NOT READY TO SEE MICHAELA IN ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION OVER ZEKE-

JARED YOUR STUPID ASS BETTER LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE I STG

[gxbtx]

LAHAI - Love Will Catch You

Sampha Lahai Sisay:  a producer, a vocalist, a songwriter, a father, a husband, a human. A man from South London with many talents, it can be hard to categorize this musician's energy. Sitting at age 34, Sampha releases to us a new concept album, Lahai, to bring us into his trials of struggle in a bright and airy matter. In this 2023 release, Sampha confronts his recurring thoughts of time, love, and spirituality, and his difficulties in chasing the answers that feels like an obligation to understand. Launching this album with experimental space and ethereal sounds combined with his grounded skills of chords in the piano, this album brings the listener on a journey to challenge the dreadful concept of time. Attempting to characterize time, Sampha faces the demonized facet head-on to which many of us can connect our own experiences to. 

Historically, Sampha has brought to the table a form of introspection that is continuously rewarding as you dig deeper into it. His debut album, Process, was the glistening chimes and piano heavy exhibit of his magical skill set, as seen on the first track in “Plastic 100C.” Tracks like “No One Knows Me (Like the Piano)” and “Kora Sings” characterized the sorrowful loss of his mother, giving us a vulnerable, tear-jerking look into Sampha’s process of grief. “Under” and “Reverse Faults” were two gems produced by the project, bringings sounds of riverbed jitters that can be difficult to assign a genre to. Since then, Sampha has been featured with notable artists to showcase his distinct vocals such as in Drake’s “4422” and Kendrick Lamar’s “Father Time.” The next installation in his discography coming seven years after the debut was a transit into a new era of sounds for the seasoned musician.

He introduces the album with “Stereo Cloud Color,” a colorful trill, being abrupt by another voice repeating phrases of “time misuse/life issues.” Sampha lays out the “Subjects mysterious like time and love,” to ground us in the two ingredients this album will put into question.  An additional factor is brought into the mix, however, with his woman bringing spirituality to the table. Sampha finds what spirit means to him through his family, seen in the digital sensory experience of his short lived song “Satellite Business.” The clever ending of the song “Thinking, Maybe there's no ends/Maybe just infinity/Maybe no beginnings/Maybe just bridges" embodies the ever-lasting flow of change and transitioning through adversity in relationships, where he accredits the spirit keeping him in it. 

Sampha’s turmoil faced throughout the album seems to embody the aspects of anxiety creating tension in his relationships. “What if you hypnotise me?” addresses the disturbances he experiences with his inability to interpret and label his anxieties. The recurring franticness in the faster paced drums with ascension and descension on the piano leads Sampha to beg to be hypnotised of his constant “What Ifs” to an unknown source, embodied by Léa Sen. “Dancing Circles,” my favorite track of the project, reflects upon the early stages in his love that left him yearnful after a potential break endured after a brutal quarrel within his relationship. Sampha calls upon his ideal solution in “Inclination Compass”, thinking their conflicts could be alleviated using tenderness. His attempts to heal from the failure are thought to be held back as a byproduct of himself. Littered throughout the tracks, Sampha’s anxieties seem to creep in even at the high points of his relationship with his woman, showing the less desirable aspects of love in the long term.

Several tracks turn to spirituality as the potential answer for his struggles. “Suspended” puts into words the feelings he gets from his wife, suspending his voice and his arms in live concert to gesture the direction of his feelings even when facing the overthinking that creeps into the relationship. Sampha states what spirit means to him directly in “Spirit 2.0,” containing a powerful chorus to tell us the elements of life that have swept him off his feet. In concert, he repeats the line “Love will catch you” to emphasize the power his family holds over him. “Evidence” proves to us his elegant, prayerful woman has guided him to a perspective of spirituality and trust. Additionally, his daughter, “little one,” is further enough evidence to put trust into the reality of his spirituality. These song sums up the typical human condition of concepts we all face at some points of our lives, using calm drumming, light strumming, and smooth bass lines to illustrate the clarity of peace derived from spirit .

Sampha’s progress in growth is shown in an allegory to the popular fable “Jonathon L. Seagull.” The original story conveys the importance of perseverance despite all odds, in which a seagull that embraces his passion of flight overcomes obstacles of failing to believe in oneself. The fable parallels the lesson that he's come to learn in insight of miscommunications and hardships, both of which are being experienced in the same light just in different ways. “Seasons come, seasons cry, seasons grow and seasons die,” sums up the changes of transitions in periods of love similar to the cyclical fashion of the four seasons. His reflection on his shortcomings on his side represent what’s needed for growth, as to be resilient is to be patient with oneself, and admit to the mistakes one has made. This song is a powerful representation of reflection and closure, coming to give grace to each other in a peaceful and strengthened tone.

In the heat of it all, there is a hopeful outlook that brings the album to a close. The transition into Lea San’s verse in “What if you Hypnotise me?” shifts the instrumentals from quick and frantic to calm and collective, alleviating the pain and tension rising throughout the album. Léa Sen proposes that he’s focusing on all the aspects of himself that are unnecessary, leading him to realize the answers are within him if he looks past all these anxious thoughts. The final track ends on a high note, using freshly pleasant instrumentals composed of piano and bells to signal the conclusion his healing process can bring him towards: the ones who keep him grounded in his spirituality. Sampha seems to be more present and in the moment with the loved ones around him in “Rose Tint,” making his problems seem a lot less demanding and grandiose as they were before. 

A year after release, Sampha goes on tour to perform Lahai to the world. He puts out the deluxe as well, containing jazzy retakes of the songs Dancing Circles and Satellite Business – adding noteworthy twists like the bass line to allow the bridges to shine through and a similar themed verse from Little Simz. An added song, “Re-Entry” serves to be a titillating sensory experience of pure pleasure, in which he asks God to re-enter his life to remove some burden in his struggles. These enchanting sounds were leveled up in live performance with an entire band adding small pieces to an audible puzzle, allowing Sampha’s vocals to radiate a connection directly to the audience. His aura of tranquility and kindness left a lingering sense of buoyancy amongst the crowd, broadcasting an exceptional performance of artistry.

The album was a beautiful reflection to be written, produced, and performed by Sampha. His vocals alone are a musical element that catches the attention of anyone listening, and his accumulation of musical experience with beautiful piano and vocal performances shows that this album is an audible masterpiece. In the year since I originally reviewed the album, I have come to realize how wrong I was in analyzing the content; the project is not a coping of a lost relationship, rather the downsides and hardships that accompany long-term love. In my own relationship, I have come to experience difficulties and miscommunications that lead to tension – through these clashes, however, we seem to resolve to a closer, united understanding of each other and how to attend to each other's needs. The project ends on a positive note, sharing a solutive perspective that resonates acceptance and content within the human experience.

[theninjamouse]

I treat myself to a steak after the hard weekend, and it's too spicy for me to eat

[kieraplume]

Manifest. Finale table read.😥🤧✈️♥️

[channelrat]

If Danny has Dallas, and joint custody of Vin with the Queens, is he also semi adopting Lucas because despite her initial feelings on him coming to this earth, we all know Vin and Lucas are tethered

wait i never thought about this you're right Danny should get Lucas too why not

he's gonna need to move out of the 1 bedroom apartment me thinks