#That's why I made 12 gifs :D

[atlantis-area]

HARD TAEMIN ✨for @atlantis-area

[wh0reforcoriolanussnow]

Stay with me || D. Targaryen x Hightower!reader

GIF by @beaconofthehightower DIVIDERS by @straywords

summary: In which you have been forced into marriage with the Rogue Prince by the King. However, it has been well over a year and the two of you yet to see eye to eye, mostly because of Daemon's dislike towards your father. When you find out that you're expecting, things seem to take a drastic turn.

a/n: no way this was sitting in my drafts since i first opened this acc end of last year🥹

“The bath is ready for you, my Lady.” The handmaiden bowed at your direction as you finish taking off your jewellery. “Thank you, you may go,” You bid her off, “But my Lady-“ She protested, “I am quite capable of bathing myself, thank you.” Meeting the maidens eyes through the mirror, you didn’t mean to sound rude and snap at the poor women—your pent up emotions needed releasing, hence why you called for a bath.

Without uttering another word, you watch as she closes the door with a loud thud. Throwing your necklace across the room to release the built up tension, you inhale deeply whilst leaning your hand against the bed post. Tears threatening to escape, you look up towards the ceiling so that they would not fall.

Finding out that you were with child was a rollercoaster of emotions. You were saddened at the thought of bringing a child into this cruel word. How could you try to make your child’s life happy when both of his/her parents were not with each other?

You thought that you could some how find times in your marriage that you would be happy, but you didn’t, the past 12 months were a nightmare. You barely got to see Daemon, and when you did, he’d be drunk and fall asleep without saying a word to you.

And the whispers and talks of people seeing him visit brothels in silk street were unbearable. You tried ignoring the best you could, but how could you when people didn’t even put any effort into quietening down when walking past you?

Brushing your lingering thoughts away, you walk to the bath that was bearably hot. Removing your thin night gown and letting it pile in a corner, you couldn’t help but stare at your still-flat stomach in the mirror. The thought of a babe growing inside was both amazing and terrifying.

Slipping your body in, a sigh leaves your mouth at the sensation of the hot water against your skin. After nearly 30 minutes, the door to your chambers opened.

There was only ever one person to open that door without bothering to knock, and that was your Husband. Eyes closed, you heard his footsteps until it came to a halt, slowly opening your eyes and sitting up, you turn your head to find Daemon watching you from outside the door that led to the bathroom.

“Husband.” You greeted turning your head back and closing them once again. “Wife.” He replied, taking off his clothes and changing. You were surprised he did not sound drunk like he usually did most nights. The two of you not uttering a single word until you got out of the bath.

You flinch once you realised Daemon was sat on a one of the sofas that faced your bath tub, not that the two of you were foreign to seeing each other naked. After drying up, you slip your night gown on once again before making your way to your dresser.

“Ao nektogon aōha ōghar, nyke ūndegon” His voice made you pause your actions, looking at his sat figure through the mirror. “2 two months ago Daemon.” You reply annoyed as you brush through your hair. “But you would know if you saw me more often.” Muttering under your breath, Daemon replied, “ȳdragon plainly.”(You cut your hair, I see) (Speak plainly)

Closing you eyes and taking a sharp inhale, you turn your body towards him, a cup with what you presume was alcohol in his hand. “What I mean, husband, is if you were here more often instead of spending your nights at the brothel, that you would notice the little things!” Your voice escalates in volume. Daemon throws his head back with a loud sigh. “Are we really doing this?”

“Where do your loyalties reside, husband? It is most certainly not with me! Whom you swore under the seven Gods that you would be there for me!” You were now standing up as you watch Daemon with an unreadable face.

“Ivestragon mirros!”You yell, “Skoro syt issi ao sir mentioning bisa?” He calmly asked. With furrowed eyebrows, you study his face, his gaze set to candles on the table. “Skoros?”(Say something) (Why are you now mentioning this) (What)

“Don’t act stupid y/n,” He scoffed, finally meeting your eyes, “Emi issare married syt mirri jēda, sir ao decide naejot elēni aōha concerns?” (We have been married for some time, now you decide to voice your concerns)

“Ivestragon nyke, skoro syt?” His deep voice questioned. Searching his eyes, and opening your mouth, no words seemed to come out. (Tell me, why)

“Cat got your tongue, my love?” Daemon smirked as you gulped, tears slowly but surely welling up. You found yourself pathetic, truth being the fact that you couldn’t even tell your own husband you were carrying his child.

Without saying another word, you turned around, blowed out all the candles except for the ones beside Daemon’s side of the bed, and slipped under the covers of your bed.

A loud sigh leaves the Prince’s mouth. Deep down, you wanted him to come to bed and engulf you in a hug. Instead, you hear the sound of the doors opening and closing, he left. You cried yourself to sleep that night.

~

Waking up to a cold and empty bed, you felt it slowly but surely making its way up your throat as you place the back of your hand to your mouth. Luckily, Eva, your closest handmaiden, had walked in just in time as you puked into the bucket.

“Perhaps having breakfast will be good for you, my Lady” She kindly smiles at you as you look up at her with a disgusted face at the thought of food at that moment. “I think not” You grumbled before getting up and getting ready.

“Has my husband returned yet?” Your eyes meet with the handmaidens’ through the mirror as you put earrings on. “No, my Lady” She looks down. “Should I even tell him?” You contemplate, fidgeting with your rings.

Before you could get a response, a loud knock comes from your door as you give a confused look to Eva as she quickly opens the door. “My lady, it’s your father.” She calls out before curtsying and leaving the room.

“Father,” You kiss his cheek to greet him. “I think it is best you go to the throne room now” He gives you a blank look. An awkward chuckle leaves your lips, “But why? What’s happening?” Concern spread through your body as Otto doesn’t say anything.

You quickly brush past him and make a beeline to the throne room. Upon entering, you were stopped by a kingsguard. “Who is in there” You question. “I cannot tell you that Lady-“ “I’m only going to ask you once, brother, who is in there?” You send daggers to your younger brother’s way.

“His Grace, Daemon, and-“ Before he could finish his sentence, you push past him and open the door. There sat Viserys on the iron throne with Daemon standing e of him, his back to you. What perplexed you even more was the women on her knees beside Daemon. A handmaiden to be precise. Viserys gives you a pitiful look, It was only when both Daemon and the handmaiden look back to you when you realise.

“I-“ You couldn’t even properly speak as you choked back tears. You felt like screaming at that moment. “Y/n-“ You didn’t even let Daemon utter another word before you closed the door—Gwayne giving you a concerned look—and sped off back to your room.

“Pack my things. I am leaving” You order your handmaidens as tears continuously roll down your cheeks. You were shaking, you felt like you were suffocating. “Are you all right my lady?” Eva places ger hand on your shoulder as you breathe heavily. “I-I need to get out of this dress- a-and breathe for gods sake!” You shout angrily as hands were already untying your dress.

You had about enough of Daemon’s behaviour. You needed to leave. After being dressed in something more comfortable, the doors open as your father walks in. “I assume you’re going back to Old town?” Your father places his hands behind his back as he watches you gather your jewelry.

“I am. If you expect me to stay here any longer with that-that horrid man then-“ “I don’t expect you to, daughter. He was caught in bed with her this morning. I assure you, that handmaiden will get what she deserves. Sleeping with her Lady’s husband, what was she thinking” Otto scoffs as tears blur your eyes.

“Have you even told him yet?” His question catches you off-guard. “No. After what I just found out I don’t think I will. He can find out later on after I’ve left” You say through greeted teeth as the last of your things were packed up.

“The carriage is already out there waiting for you, my Lady” Eva mentions as you nod at her. “Goodbye father, I hope you do come visit” You sadly smile before embracing him in a hug, his hands caressing your hair before you pull back and walk off.

It was pouring outside. You held your skirt up so it wouldn’t get dirty. “Y/n!” His voice booms over the rain as you pause. You quicken your pace but before you could even fully step into the carriage, a rough hand pulls you back.

Before you know it, your hand makes contact with his cheek with a loud slap. The few handmaidens gasp before they look down. He rolls his tongue against his cheek before chuckling, “I deserve that, don’t I?” “Oh you deserve so much worse Daemon.” You darkly chuckle at the man.

“I can’t believed you stooped that low- and with one of my handmaidens? How pathetic can you get, Husband. I have done nothing but been patient with you every day but this? That was the final straw. I’m leaving and you cannot stop me” You say the last bit through greeted teeth. “Were you going to tell me?”

You stop dead in your tracks. You breathe out from your nose, “Tell you what exactly?” Your head turns to him. “That you’re carrying my child. Was I ever going to find out? Or was I going to when I’m on my deathbed.” He shouts angrily as you keep your composure.

“And bring him up with a father who can’t even keep his loyalties to his wife? You’re delusional, truly.” A loud scoff emits your mouth. Not a second later, Daemon drops to his knees infront of you. People around whispering to each other at the sight of the Rogue Prince on his knees to his wife. You gulp as he looked so vulnerable. He looks up to you as he takes ahold of your hands. “Stay with me. Please. That is all I ask of you y/n” He pleads.

“Stay with you? I have stayed with you every day Daemon while you fucked your way through the brothels. I’ve had enough of hoping that you would finally see me as your wife!” Tears were once again pouring down your cheeks as you sniffle. “I can’t stay with you.” Your voice cracks before you pull away from Daemon’s touch and enter the carriage without looking back.

The carriage starts to move as you start sobbing harder. Daemon was still there kneeling as he watched his wife leave. He watched his entire future leave.

[once-upon-an-imagine]

What Was I Made For? - James Potter

A/N: well, it looks like this keeps on working so... I hope you guys like it!

Anonymous asked: Request for hufflepuff black!reader x James with the prompt "Forget it. Just like you forget everything else." Where reader has never had a fun birthday celebration and usually ignores her birthday but James promises to do something fun for her and gets her hopes up but then stands her up accidentally (with happy ending please). Thanks so much <;33

Warnings: this is super angsty! (and super long) but it has a happy ending; mentions of abuse and overall a not happy family life, reader feels weird for not really knowing how to express her feelings; let me know if I missed anything

Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter :) gif isn’t mine :D  

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

What Was I Made For?

Think I forgot how to be happy Something I'm not, but something I can be Something I wait for, something I'm made for

12:08 a.m. Your birthday was over. And he didn’t come. Of course, he wouldn’t come. You kept looking at your watch feeling a tiny bit of hope that he would come running any second, apologizing for being late. But, deep down, you knew it wasn’t going to happen. You sighed, running a hand through your hair, and decided to finally leave. You were angry. But not at him. At yourself. You should have known better. You never should have trusted a word he said. Because he treated you as if you were the center of his universe. And you were stupid enough to believe him. Because that’s what James Potter did. He made you feel as if you were the only thing that mattered to him. Damn him and his stupid beautiful smile. The one that got you into this mess…

“You actually want me to believe that you need my help in Potions?” you insisted as he raised his hands in surrender while you pointed your wand at him. “Why are you asking me?”

“B-because you’re top of our class-”

“That’s not true. Severus Snape is” you insisted.

“First of all, I would never ask Snivelly for help” he rolled his eyes. “And secondly, I doubt that’s true since you are a year younger than us and are already taking Advance Potions-”

“So ask Lilly Evans then-?”

“Evans hates me-”

“So do I!”

“Wait, y-you do?” he asked, confused, stepping away from your wand. He sounded genuinely hurt.

“I…��� you weren’t able to continue. You never really hated James Potter. You hated him because you were supposed to, weren’t you? “D-don’t you?”

“I don’t hate you” he informed you. “Why would I?”

“Because Sirius does! And you’re his best friend” you told him. James noticed the hurt in your voice and in your look. He knew you missed Sirius.

“Your brother doesn’t hate you” he insisted and you scoffed, looking away and lowering your wand. “He doesn’t!”

“Look, Potter, you don’t have to lie, okay?” you glared at him a little. “Isn’t your father a famous potioneer? Shouldn’t you be good at Potions?”

“Yeah, he is… you gotta love the irony, love” he smirked.

“Don’t call me that!” you glared at him. “What if Sirius finds out?”

“He won’t” he assured you. “And I honestly don’t think he would mind if he does” he tried.

“What’s in it for me?”

“Isn’t the loveliness of my company enough, love?” he asked but he saw you raising your wand at him and he put up his hands in surrender. “Fine… what do you want?”

You thought about it for a moment. Nobody had ever asked you what you wanted. Not really. You were always just told what to do. And then, you thought of the one thing you had always wanted but could never do.

“Um… if I tell you… do you promise not to tell anyone? Or um… laugh at me?” you said, feeling your cheeks burn as you looked down. James had to admit, he had never seen you like this. You always looked so confident, like everyone else in the Black family.

“I promise” he said, making you sigh.

“W-would you teach me um… how to uh- f-fly?” you asked in a small voice, James wasn’t sure if he heard you correctly.

“Um… didn’t you learn how to fly in your first year?” he asked, confused.

“Look, it’s a long story. Are you in or not?” you asked, going back to your usual self and James let out a small chuckle.

“Fine. It’s a deal. You teach me Potions, I teach you to fly” he said, putting his hand so you would shake it. Which you did, pulling him closer.

“And Sirius is not to find about this, is that clear?”

“Perfect.”

And that’s what it was. Perfect. For the following months, you and James spent a lot of time together. In the beginning, you found him incredibly obnoxious since he kept trying to become your friend. Which he quickly managed. You let your guard down and found yourself actually liking his company. And then, it grew into more. You never thought it could happen, but it did. He had somehow become your favorite person. Granted, not many people talked to you so, it wasn’t hard. But if there was a word you would use to describe James Potter was, enchanting. And you quickly fell for him. And you hated it. Because now, here you were. Tired, hungry, alone, and upset. You made your way to the Kitchens, hoping that you could at least get some leftovers from the Elves.

“Miss Black” one of them greeted you happily. “We thought you weren’t going to make it” he said, making you frown in confusion.

“M-make it? What do you mean, Blim?” you asked, confused as two other elves carried a basket your way.

“Mr. Potter asked us to save this for him but he never came” he explained, confused. “Said it was really important for Miss Black’s birthday” he instructed as they handed you the basket. You felt yourself smiling a little but quickly wiped it away. He never came.

“Thank you so much, Blim” you told him.

“You’re welcome. Happy birthday, Miss Black” he said, as they waved you goodbye. You thanked them happily, after all, they were the only ones that had wished you a happy birthday, and then you made your way to your dorm.

“Hi, Ophelia” you greeted your beautiful black cat.

At least she showed up for your birthday. You changed into your pajamas, played some of your favorite music on your record player, and sat on the small seat you had created against your window to go through the picnic basket only to find your favorite food. He’d remember. Everything was perfect, even the cake. Except, he hadn’t been there. He promised he would and you believed him. You knew Gryffindor played today. You knew they won. But he promised. And you believed him.

But again, it was your fault, really. You should have never let him in. You should have never told him what your favorite food was. Or why you didn’t know how to fly. Or that nobody in your house wanted to share a dorm with you anymore. You shouldn’t even have told him that today was your birthday. Well, yesterday. Because you now understood what he felt for you. It was pity. It wasn’t love.

“Alright, are you ready?” he asked, holding up the broom.

“Actually… I’m having second thoughts about this. I don’t want to do it” you said, nervously.

“Come on, love. I promise you’re gonna love it” he insisted.

You had grown accustomed to him calling you love by now. No matter how much you begged him, he wouldn’t stop. And no matter how much you tried to deny it, you were starting to like it.

“B-but what if I fall?” you asked, making him smile at you adorably and grabbing your hand.

“I promise I would never let that happen” he said sincerely. “But… we don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to” he assured you.

“No, it’s okay” you said, unconvincingly. “I just… need a minute” you told him, sitting down on the grass of the Quidditch pitch.

“Look, I know you’ve told me not to ask why you didn’t learn to fly sooner so…” he said, sitting down next to you. “May I ask why you want to learn now? Why is it so important to you?”

“I don’t know” you said, quietly as you started playing with the grass next to you. “My mother has told me not to my whole life” you informed him. “She always said it wasn’t for ladies” you said, bitterly. “On my first year, she sent an owl saying that she may not be able to control which house her disappointing daughter was sorted into but I was not to ride a broom, and well… you know nobody wants to go against Walburga Black” you said with a sad chuckle. “I always wanted to learn because Siri and Reggie- um… Sirius and Regulus both know how to and they love it” you continued. “I guess I wanted to have something in common with them” you smiled sadly. “Are you… are you crying?”

“I’m sorry” he said, wiping away the few tears on his cheeks. “That was just… um, w-well, every story Padfoot tells me from your home it’s just…”

“Sad, I know” you said as James composed himself. “You can say it” you told him.

“Is it… as bad for you as it is for Sirius?” he asked, worriedly.

“A little” you admitted. “At least Sirius has you, Remus, and Peter” you smiled a little.

“You have me too” he said, placing your hand on top of yours and making you look up at him. “You know that, right?” he asked, feeling his heart beating faster when your smile got bigger.

“You’re sweet, James” you said, surprising him a little. “What?”

“I think that’s the first time you call me by my first name” he smiled.

“Oh, s-sorry, um-”

“No, no” he chuckled. “I liked it” he assured you. “I um… I like you” he said, feeling his cheeks blushing.

“Y-you do?” you asked, breaking James' heart at how genuine your question sounded. As if you were actually confused as to why someone would like you.

“Of course, I do” he said, cupping your cheek gently.

“A-are you about to kiss me?” you whispered.

“Is that okay?” he asked sweetly and you nodded smiling before James gently pressed his lips against yours.

You had no idea what you were feeling. Your entire body felt as if fireworks were exploding everywhere. Never, in a million years would you have thought that kissing James Potter would feel so perfect, but now that you knew, you never wanted to stop.

“Alright. I think I’m ready” you said once you pulled apart. James smile at you and got up, offering you his hand to help you. “Y-you promise I won’t fall, right?”

“Promise, love” he said, pulling you closer and kissing your hand.

Lies. From that moment. You never should have fallen for him. How could you have been so stupid? James may have been right, every story from your childhood was extremely unhappy, but you had never felt so empty inside. Having a best friend who then turned into something more and you were sure that you felt was something that you had never felt before, and now it was gone.

You hoped listening to sad songs would help you cry but your eyes seemed dry. You felt the pain in your heart, which was weird. You never felt that before. But you thought you might as well cry. James said it might help whenever you felt upset. But it ended up being him who cried. And not you. So, you were about to just go to bed, when you heard someone knocking loudly on your door. At 1:47 in the morning. You sighed, rolling your eyes, and quickly ran over to open the door, revealing nobody on the other side.

“James, what the bloody hell are you doing? You’re going to wake up my entire house!” you said, pulling him inside and closing the door as he removed the cloak around him.

“I’m sorry, love! I am so sorry I’m late! I swear I lost track of time!” he slurred out.

He was drunk. Really drunk. He was still in his Quidditch robes, drunk out of his mind.

“Potter, you’re-”

“No, no, no! Please don’t call me Potter” he said, walking closer to you and grabbing your hands. “You only call me that when you’re mad” he pouted. “I know I screwed up but I promise I will make it up to you, love!”

“James, you’re drunk-”

“I know! There was a party because we won and I swear I was just going to be there for a few minutes b-because I’m the captain a-and I just lost track of time and-”

“You should leave” you said, quietly, avoiding his eyes. You knew you would cave if you looked into his beautiful doe-eyed face. And you had made up your mind.

“No, no, sweetheart, please I want to make it up to you. Please give me a chance!”

“You are drunk right now-”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry” he insisted. “I can- I just need to-”

“James, please. I’m tired and you’re drunk. Just go to bed” you said, firmly. “We can talk tomorrow if you want to” you told him.

“I don’t want you to be alone” he said, his eyes tearing up. “It’s your birthday!”

“It’s no longer my birthday so… you can go” you said, getting upset.

“I don’t want to leave you” he said, getting closer to you and cupping your cheek softly, making you look at him. “Please, love. I am so sorry” he said. “Please talk to me, just tell me how I can make this right. You can yell at me! You can throw things, I deserve it-”

“James, I don’t want to yell at you” you said, sighing tiredly. “I just want to go to sleep” you told him.

“I don’t want to leave you, love” he said, with a few tears escaping his eyes and bringing you closer. He was about to kiss you and you smelled the Firewhisky in his breath so you pulled away and he kissed your forehead instead.

“Fine” you sighed. “Y-you can stay but I’m tired, I just want to go to sleep” you gave in.

“Okay” James said, feeling his eyes welling up. He couldn’t believe he had failed you. Just like everyone else in your life. He fucked up. He slowly walked over to your bed and sat down. “Is… this okay?” he asked nervously.

“Sure” you said, sounding exhausted.

You threw yourself on your bed, turning your back to him and James quickly climbed next to you. You instantly felt his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you to him. You sighed deeply, preparing yourself for what was to come. You were going to miss him. You knew that much. You hated how used you had become to him. How regular it just seemed for him to show up and spend the night with you. So, you took it in. His scent, his touch, everything about him because you knew it would be gone by tomorrow.

“I’m really sorry, love” you heard him say before he kissed the back of your head.

“Just… go to sleep, James” you whispered back and it wasn’t long before you heard his snores.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The next morning, James woke up to an empty bed, and the realization of the night before quickly came flooding back into his mind. He quickly sat up and saw you on your desk, writing on some parchment.

“Um- w-what time is it?” were the first words that came out of his mouth and he cursed himself. He was beyond stupid.

“It’s still early” you replied as you continued doing whatever it was you were doing. “If you hurry, you can still go to breakfast before your friends wonder where you are” you said, quietly.

“N-no. I don’t want to go to breakfast” he said, walking over to you. “I want to apologize and talk to you” he said, looking down at the parchment you were working on. “W-what’s that?”

You finished writing and stood up, handing the piece of parchment to him with a serious expression on your face.

“A list of people who are not Severus Snape that can tutor you in potions” you simply said, trying to make your way to your window seat.

“W-what?” he panicked.

“I have your things here” you said, handing him a box with his things. “Oh” you said, realizing you were wearing his sweater so you quickly took it off and placed it on top of his things. “Sorry” you said, and you felt like you were freezing.

“Wait, you’re- you’re breaking up with me?” James asked, placing everything aside and walking closer to you. “Please, just… hold on a second. I promise I can explain-”

“James” you said, taking a step back. It unnerved James how calmly you were talking to him. Like you did in the beginning. Like your walls were up again and he meant nothing more than a stranger to you. “I just don’t think that this is working” you said, silently.

“Please, don’t do this, love! I swear I want to make it up to you” he said as a few tears started falling down his cheeks.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because I love you!” he shouted a bit louder than he intended to. “I know I fucked up and I am so sorry! But please, love, just give me another chance, I swear I didn’t mean to miss it-”

“That doesn’t matter, James-”

“Yes, it does! I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, I understand that! But this is a fight, I- I can make it up to you and w-we can go back to the way it was-”

“Why would we do that?” you asked, confused.

“Because that’s what couples do!” he insisted.

“We’re not a couple, James” you said, sounding broken.

“Yes, we are!”

“No, we’re not. You never asked me to be your girlfriend. We’ve never gone out on a date. You barely talk to me outside these walls-”

“You said you didn’t want Sirius to know about us! I told you I didn’t care!”

“That doesn’t make a difference, James!”

“Yes, it does! Because I love you!”

“No, you don't!”

“Yes, I do! I love you so much and I know you love me too!”

“Okay, now you’re just being ridiculous, Potter” you said, with a sarcastic chuckle as you tried to walk into your bathroom but James blocked your way.

“No, I’m not!” he said, softly as you tried to look away. He gently cupped your cheek with his big, strong hand and slowly lifted your face so you could see him. Not even a sign of tears while his eyes were flooded. “Tell me you don’t” he said, quietly.

“E-excuse me?” you asked, confused.

“Tell me you don’t love me” he said. “I know you’ve never said that you love me but whenever I tell you that I do, you smile and you kiss me! You’ve never said that you don’t! So, tell me you don’t love me” he insisted.

“James!”

“No! If you want to break up with me, at least talk to me first! You at least have to tell me how you feel about me!” he argued.

“You wanna know how I feel about you?” you snapped pushing yourself away from him.

“Yes!”

“You really want to know how you make me feel?” you said, getting upset.

“Yes!”

“I have no idea how you make me feel, James!” you snapped, breaking James’ heart. “Y-you make me feel happy and angry, and scared, and sad, and crazy, and warm, and vulnerable, and like I can break at any moment, but I somehow know that I won’t because you won’t let that happen but then I feel so lost if you’re not there! And I feel weak and confused, and-” enchanted. “And, alive and like I can float, and sure but unsure at the same time, and like I can be myself and I want to try to be a better person but it wouldn’t matter because you still look at me with that stupid grin! And- and-” you said, trying to take deep breaths. “I don’t know! It’s just a lot all at once and I don’t know how to handle it and I don’t like it!” you said, trying to catch your breath. “I don’t like it, James!”

“Okay, okay!” James said, quickly walking over to you and placing his hands on each side of your face. “Breathe, love, please” he said quietly, as you slowly tried to catch your breath and stop shaking. James was now fully weeping but a small smile formed on his face. “Sweetheart” he said, quietly. “That’s love” he told you.

“W-what?”

“What you’re feeling” he explained. “That’s love” he insisted.

“How do you know that?” you asked, confused.

“Because that’s exactly how I feel about you” he said as you managed to even your breathing again.

“I don’t like feeling scared” you whispered.

“I know, love” he smiled. “I know, and I’m scared too-”

“Then why would you still want to be with me?”

“Because I love you” he repeated. “And… you’ve made me the happiest I’ve been and I know that I fucked up yesterday, I do, but I promise I will make it up to you and, if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me, love” he said in a serious tone.

You took a deep breath. You wanted to. You really did. You wanted to know what was on the other side and if you could live a ‘happily ever after’ that you read in so many stories when you were a kid. But this was real life. And you couldn’t break James Potter like you broke everything else you touched.

“No, James” you said, pushing away from him.

“B-but-” he tried but you walked away, going to your bathroom.

“Please, James. Just… forget it. Like you forget everything else" you said sadly before you walked inside, locking the door and your heart broke when you still heard him cry.

James turned to look at the box you left with all of his things. He couldn’t bring himself to take it. He needed to make things right. He walked out of your dorm and your house and made his way over to the Gryffindor Tower, not even caring about breakfast. He plopped himself on the furthest sofa, and after a while, he heard giggling and a group of girls walking over to him.

“Hey, Potter” Marlene asked. It wasn’t usual to see him without his three friends and his energy was entirely different today. “You okay?”

“Um… can I ask you, girls, something?” he said as Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, and Alice sat around him. “I would ask my friends but… in this particular subject they all are just… useless” he chuckled sadly.

“Is it about a girl?” Alice asked.

“Well… yeah” he admitted.

“Oh, Merlin it is! Who is it?” Dorcas asked, excitedly.

“I can’t… say it out loud, Sirius can’t know!”

“He’s your best friend, why can’t he know?”

“Because it’s his sister” Lily smirked.

“What?” the other three reacted shocked.

“How did you know?” James asked, confused.

“I’ve seen you in Potions” she shrugged. “You two are cute together” she smiled. “So, what happened?”

“Well, we had been seeing each other for a while now and yesterday was her birthday and I promised her that we would do something and I had this whole picnic planned in the Astronomy tower but… I lost track of time and-”

“No!” Alice said, her smile dropping.

“You didn’t!” Dorcas frowned.

“You forgot?” Marlene asked, slapping his arm.

“I didn’t mean to! We were playing with our secondary team because we had so many hurt players, I didn’t think we would win! And then we did and I started drinking and I just lost track of time!”

“You are unbelievable potter!” Marlene glared at him.

“I want to make things right! I love her and I’m pretty sure she loves me to-”

“Pretty sure?” Alice asked with an arched eyebrow.

“W-well, she hasn’t said it, exactly, but I know she feels it” he insisted. “Look, this is the first time I’ve felt like this in my life and I know that I fucked up but… I also know she’s scared and it just… I want to make things right” he insisted.

The four girls shared looks amongst themselves before they went back to James and Lily nodded.

“Alright, we’ll help you” she agreed.

“Really?”

“Yes, but only because she has looked happier lately, and you seem to actually be sorry. But if you fuck this up again, Potter-” Dorcas threatened.

“I know, I swear, I won’t!” he told them.

“Alright, then” Alice smirked.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“What are you doing here?”

“For fuck’s sake!” you jumped, falling down the stairs you were on and landing on the floor. “Sirius!” you said, getting up. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?” you glared at your older brother.

“I asked first” he shrugged.

“None of your business” you said, rolling your eyes. “You?”

“Same” he said.

“Fine. This has been lovely, then” you said, trying to walk out of the class but Sirius stopped you.

“Okay, no! Wait!” he said, grabbing your arm and turning you around. “I was… looking for you” he admitted.

“If you’re planning on stealing my Potions essay, I haven’t finished it yet-”

“No, that’s not it” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I… wanted to… um… talk to you” he said, awkwardly.

“Why?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“Well, there are… a few things I wanted to tell you” he admitted. “If um… you’d like to come with me to the… Lake or something” he said.

“Well, since you asked so normally” you said, still confused. But this was the first time that Sirius talked to you in so long, you really didn’t want to take it for granted, so you followed him. Once you reached to the Great Lake he sat down near a tree and pointed his side so you would join him. “So… did you bring me here to kill me or-”

“Shut up” he said with a faint chuckle. He then looked inside his bag and got out a small present. “Here” he said, handing it to you. “Um… happy birthday” he said quietly. You raised your eyebrow at him before grabbing the gift.

“Is this thing going to catch fire or something?”

“No!” he argued. But he couldn’t really blame you for thinking that. “No, I promise, I just… I know I’m a day late-”

“You’re about six years late but, alright” you said a bit harshly.

“I guess I deserve that” he muttered as you opened your present and you saw all of your favorite candy from Honeydukes. “I… wanted to say that… I’m sorry” he said.

“Um… why?”

“What do you mean why? For shutting you and Regulus out when I got sorted into Gryffindor and then… still not reaching out to you when you were sorted in Hufflepuff-”

“No, I know but… I mean… why now? Do you need something? Are you dying? Am I dying?”

“Stop it, bug!” he said, rolling his eyes and then looking at you when he realized what he had just called you. You felt your heart stopping for a moment.

“You… you haven’t called me that in a very long time” you said, feeling warmth in your heart. Once you thought was absolutely gone.

“I know… I’m sorry, if you’re not okay with it-”

“It’s okay” you quickly said. “I… kind of missed it” you admitted, looking away.

“You used to hate it” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I know but… once it was gone…” you sighed.

“We’re both really bad at this, aren’t we?” he laughed a little and, to his surprise, you did too.

“We definitely are the worst at feelings” you admitted. “Why are you apologizing to me now?” you asked curiously.

“A couple of reasons” he said. “I miss you” he admitted and you glared at him a little. “I really do!” he insisted. “Look, I get that we are awful at feelings and all that but… I’ve kind of been working on it and… I just… I want a relationship with my little sister” he said genuinely.

“Those are big words, Sirius” you chuckled. “What do you even know about relationships?”

“Well… I’m… currently in one” he said, looking away.

“You are?” you asked, a bit shocked and he nodded. “Wow, who’s the unlucky girl?”

Sirius let out a scoff, glaring at you. “Actually… it’s not a girl” he corrected.

“Is it Lupin?” you asked as Sirius widened his eyes in surprise.

“How did you know?”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious, you sink a deeper level of idiot whenever you’re around him” you informed him.

“That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is. Last week you knocked down your cauldron and three others when he laughed” you pointed out.

“That was… an accident” he tried to defend himself.

“Sure, it was” you said sarcastically.

“So… what do you think?” he asked, nervously.

“Why would you care what I think?”

“Well, you’re my sister, and… you’re also… the first person I’ve told” he admitted.

“Really?”

“Y-yeah” he said with a nervous smile.

“Well, if I’m being completely honest… I think Remus can do a lot better than you” you said with a smirk, making Sirius push you a little and glare at you.

“That’s not funny” he argued.

“I wasn’t joking” you said. “Is he… the one that’s making you get in touch with your feelings?”

“Kinda” he admitted. “You know, he and James grew up in a functional home, and… they know how to feel like a normal person” he informed you. “So… a few months ago, I was where you are right now” he added.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, nervously.

“I’m talking about you and Prongs and how you are afraid of being in a relationship with him” he said, casually.

“W-what? D-did James say-?”

“He didn’t say anything, but he’s a terrible liar” he shrugged. “I’ve known for a while and… to be honest, I have never seen him as happy as he is with you” he told you. “And… I have never seen him as miserable as today” he added. “So, I knew you were probably feeling worse, but… had no idea how to express it” he told you.

“How would you even know that?”

“Because you’re just like me” he told you. “A few months ago, Remus and I had our first fight. He told me that he loved me and… I kind of ran away” he said. “We didn’t speak for about three days. I was in such a bad mood, even I didn’t want to deal with myself” he explained. “Look, I know that we are wired differently than everyone else because mum and dad didn’t exactly teach us how to… feel or… love” he continued. “So, when someone does, it feels-”

“Fucking weird” you added.

“Yeah” he agreed. “But… that doesn’t mean that we can’t, you know that, right? And it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve it, bug” he told you. “I know I screwed up on my part and I am really sorry for pushing you away-”

“Why did you do it?” you asked all of the sudden. “I get that you were angry when you came back home from your first year but… Regulus and I never thought any different from you and you… shut us down” you said, sadly. “And then… the next year, when I was sorted into Hufflepuff, I thought maybe-”

“I know! I should have talked to you, I know, I was an idiot!” he said, genuinely. “Remus has made me talk about it a lot lately and… I want to make things right” he sighed. “You don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to and I don’t expect you to do it right away if you do, I just… had to start somewhere” he smiled, hopeful.

“By giving me candy and saying happy birthday a day later?” you smirked a little. “It’s a good start, I guess” you nodded, grabbing a Sugar Quill and giving him one.

“Well, I also… wanted to help you fix things with Prongs” he suggested.

“Because you love James so much now that you are an expert on feelings and don’t want to see him sad?”

“Well… sort of, but… I love you too, bug” he said, making you almost choke on your sweet. You were pretty sure he had never said that before. “I know, we don’t really say that to each other or anyone else. Remus was the first person I ever said it to. It feels good, you should try it” he continued. “I know you love James-”

“How could you possibly know that? Even I don’t know that!”

“I think that you do and that’s why you’re so scared” he told you. “And I know I’m probably the last person that should be telling you this but… there’s nothing wrong with that” he assured you.

“It’s just…” you sighed. “W-what if he realizes how broken I am and he doesn’t want to be anymore?” you asked, sadly, breaking Sirius’ heart a little. “Or if I end up breaking him?”

“Bug, you’re not that broken-”

“Really? Do you want to know what I was doing in Potions class? I was looking for something that would make me cry” you explained.

“Really?”

“Yes, James cries all the time, did you know that?”

“Yeah, he cried when Moony and I told him we were dating” Sirius laughed.

“I feel empty without him, Sirius, and yet… not a single tear!”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you’re broken” Sirius insisted. “We never cry” he continued. “Blacks don’t cry” you both said at the same time, letting out a small laugh. “We’ll get there, bug” he said, pulling you to him and kissing the side of your head.

“We?” you asked, a little confused.

“Oh yeah, now that you have accepted me back into your life I’m not leaving-”

“Can I reconsider this-?”

“Nope, it’s too late! We’re going to be best friends, bug!”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

You had surprisingly spent the rest of the day with Sirius, and Remus had joined at some point. They took you to Hogsmeade as Remus insisted on at least taking you out for your birthday. You liked Remus, and you could see that he definitely brought out the best in your brother. They seemed very in love. And at some point, it dawned on you. You were in love with James. He had been right. What you felt for him, was love. You were still terrified but you had made up your mind to talk to him the next day. Remus and Sirius even said the four of you could go to Hogsmeade together. This was definitely the craziest thing you had ever gone through in your life. But you were done feeling sorry for your self and you were done being afraid. You definitely did not want to spend the rest of your life like your parents. Feeling nothing and being unhappy. So, you would talk to James and try to be happy for once. However, when you opened your dorm’s door, you saw that he had already gone ahead of you.

Your mouth dropped when you saw the scene in front of you. Your dorm was decorated with beautiful fairy lights above, like floating stars, and candles and flowers everywhere. James was in the corner, finishing putting some flowers next to your bed.

“James?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, love- I uh-” he stuttered, walking closer to you. “Um, I know you told me to f-forget about it but…” he sighed, offering you the last flower in his hand. “I don’t want to” he chuckled. “I don’t want to forget about it and… I don’t want to forget about you” he explained. “Love, I know that I majorly fucked up” he continued. “And you have every right to hate me and never forgive me if you want to but… I wanted to give you the birthday that I had planned for you first. The birthday that you deserved before I royally fucked it up” he said, grabbing the picnic basket on your window seat.

“Did you ask the elves to do the whole meal again?”

“N-no” he assured you. “Um… I did it myself” he said, making your heart flutter a little. “Granted, I… uh, I don’t think it’s going to be as good” he chuckled. “So, we don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to” he assured you before he placed the basket back down. “I um… I also didn’t get to give you your present” he said, grabbing a bag on your nightstand.

“You-” you felt something weird happening. “You got me a present?”

“Of course, I got you a present, love” James smiled sweetly. “Would you like to open it? Or we can eat first if you’d like. Or you can eat. And I can leave if you prefer-”

Before he could go on, you quickly grabbed the bag from him. James smiled to himself at how excited you looked, opening your gift. And then, you pulled it out. A book. And a stuffed rabbit. An exact rabbit like the one in the book. Wearing a small knitted cardigan with Gryffindor colors. Just like the one James had given you.

“What-?” you tried to catch your breath. “H-how did you-?”

“The sweater comes off” he smiled. “I asked my mum to make it, I thought it would look cute because you like mine so much” he explained.

“N-no, how um- how did you know-?”

“You told me, remember?” he frowned, confused. “How when you were a kid, and your mum took you and your brothers to Diagon Alley and you ran off and got lost and ended up in a muggle library” he continued. “And you read that book and you always wanted a rabbit like that one-”

“Y-you remember that?” you asked, in complete disbelief.

You told him that story so long ago. You remember it perfectly. It was the first night he stayed in your dorm and you ended up talking all night. You had no idea he would remember it. It felt like forever ago.

“Of course, love” he said as if it was obvious.

Before either one of you could say anything else, you threw your arms around James’ shoulders and you planted a big kiss on his lips. James widened his eyes in surprise a little before he closed them and wrapped one of his arms around your waist and he placed his other hand on your cheek.

“This is…” you sighed when you pulled apart and you looked down at your rabbit. “This is the nicest thing anybody’s ever done for me” you chuckled.

"Um... I also wanted to ask if... you would like to be my girlfriend?" he said, nervously.

"I would really like that" you nodded.

“Wait, are you… are you crying?” James asked, brushing a few tears with his thumb.

“A-am I?” you asked as a smile appeared on your face. You brought your hand up to your face and you saw that it was, in fact, covered in tears. “I’m crying!” you chuckled as you noticed James’ eyes welling up as they usually did. “James, I’m crying!”

“I can see that, love” he smiled brightly at you. “I’m really sorry I forgot your birthday” he said, pulling you closer.

“It’s okay” you assured him. “You cooked for me” you said with a small laugh.

“I also apologize for that. I have no idea what I was doing” he warned you.

“It can’t be that bad” you assured him. “Would you like to join me?”

“R-really?”

You nodded, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards your window. You sat down as James pulled out the food, smiling when he saw you playing with your rabbit’s ear and going through the pages of your book. He had never seen you smile like this. And he promised to himself that he would do anything he can to keep that smile placed there.

“James?”

“Yes, love?”

“Um… please don’t cry when I say this but… uh, you were right… earlier today” you said, nervously before you cleared your throat and you looked at him. “I love you” you admitted, feeling an enormous weight off your shoulders. And of course, James’ tears quickly ran down his cheeks.

“Y-you do?” he asked with a sweet smile and you nodded.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it” you said, nervously. “I just… well, y-you know Sirius and I don’t really- um… I was just… scared because we were sort of instructed to… not really feel anything and I just… didn’t want to screw things up with you because you are very in touch with your emotions and I’m a bit broken that way-”

“You’re not broken, love” he insisted, holding your hand in his. “I wish you could see yourself as I see you. Because you’re perfect” he said, making you smile a little. “And I love you so much” he said, pulling you for another kiss and he felt your smile against his lips. “Say it again” he asked when you pulled away.

“James-”

“Please” he pouted, making you laugh and roll your eyes a little.

“I love you” you said, making him throw his arms around you and pulled you to him, peppering your face with kisses as he heard you laugh, which was his favorite music.

“I love you too!”

The End

[Bonus Scene The Next Day at The Three Broomsticks...]

"Sirius... are you crying?" Remus asked his boyfriend.

"It's just so beautiful" he said, wiping his tears as you rested your head against James' shoulder. "How Prongs set everything up for her birthday after he forgot and he got her that cute rabbit" he said, while Remus chuckled and hugged him and he looked at James.

"You kind of opened the gate for Blacks to cry, you know that right?"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: I really love how this turned out so I hope you liked it too! xD let me know what you think! Remus is coming next and then Sirius!

[dreamwritesimagines]

Sunshine [9] - Tranquility

AN: My loves, thank you so so much for your patience! ❤️ You’re amazing! ❤️

I hope you like this as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! 🥰

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Female!Reader

Summary: Simple days can be calming.

Word Count: 2853

CW: Explicit language, mentions of sex, drinking, adult themes MDNI

Series Masterlist

Well.

This was very fun.

“I mean to repeat, I do have a hammer at home,” you said, leaning your elbows on the cart as you pushed it slowly and Logan raised his brows.

“Just a hammer?”

“Yeah, I wanted to put up that framed picture of me and Theo so Jamie brought it and then forgot it.”

“Exactly why we’re here.”

Home Depot wasn’t really your favorite place to shop in, you couldn’t even remember when the last time you had been there was. Needless to say, you felt a bit overwhelmed as you looked at the aisles with many tools and construction products, but Logan seemed right at home there, and the simple act of going shopping together -whether it was at a store you were familiar with or not- made you feel all warm inside.

Who knew the aftermath of breaking your bed would be fun as well?

Logan grabbed a pack of what seemed like tiny pieces of metal to put it in the cart, and you looked around, then gasped.

“Let’s get these, they look prettier!”

“Screw anchors?”

You tilted your head.

“Well if you feel that strongly about them…”

“No I mean— that’s what they’re called.”

“They’re yellow, I like yellow!” you said, grabbing the pack off the hook to hold it up and Logan chuckled.

“Sweetheart, if we’re going to use them on your bed, they need to be metal. Your bed frame is metal.”

You looked down at the pack. “Oh, these look plastic.”

“Mm hm, they are plastic.”

“Well, where do people use these?”

“On drywall, mostly,” he said. “When you’re hanging—hold on, did Jamie just put a screw into the wall for those frames you mentioned?”

“Yeah.”

He blinked a couple of times, then cleared his throat and took the pack from you to put it into the cart as well.

“Yay!”

“Anything else you want from here?”

You looked over at the shelf, then shook your head and Logan threw an arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to himself as you both went into another aisle.

“So wait, you need to put stuff into the wall to put stuff into the wall?”

“Mm hm.”

“Why?”

“Well, otherwise the screw can slip out of the wall when you hang something,” he said. “Anchors make sure whatever is on the wall doesn’t fall on anyone. It’s the same logic with anchoring furniture.”

“None of my furniture is anchored.”

“Babe, you have a mirror in your living room.”

“I just leaned it to the wall,” you pointed out and Logan heaved a sigh, then gently guided you into another aisle.

“I’m guessing you don’t have a drill?”

“Good guess—Logan, we’re not buying a drill!”

He went closer to one of the shelves to grab one to check it. “Why not?”

“I’m not gonna use it.”

“I’m gonna use it, I don’t want that mirror to fall on you.”

“It’s on the other side of the room.”

“Accidents happen,” he said. “That thing needs to be anchored along with God knows what. Every home needs a drill.”

You scrunched up your face, leaning back to the shelf.

“Debatable,” you said. “Every home needs a medicine cabinet. A drill is just something people in home makeover shows use.”

“What are makeover shows?”

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my God, you’ve never watched those? We’re so watching those, I need your commentary.”

Logan turned the drill in his hand and you bit inside your cheek, trying to fight the urge to jump on him in the aisle of Home Depot. Clearing your throat, you tried to focus and crossed your arms.

“Not that one,” you said and Logan turned his gaze to you.

“Why not?”

“We should get that one,” you pointed at the other drill on the shelf and Logan bit back a smile.

“Babe, that one is 12 volts. This one is 18.”

“Volt isn’t everything,” you said as if you knew what you were talking about and Logan pulled his brows together.

“It is kind of important in a drill—”

“Yeah but Logan, that’s orange,” you said and grabbed the pack of yellow plastic anchors out of the cart to hold it up. “See? They’ll match if we get this one!”

Logan stared at you as if he was trying to find the right words to disagree with you but you pulled your brows together before putting the pack next to the drill so that he could see it better.

“Same shade!” you insisted as you pressed your finger on the drill, looking up at him and the corners of his lips twitched, that fond light shining in his eyes before he nodded slowly, then put the drill in his hand into the shelf to grab the one you were pointing at.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s get the matching drill then.”

                                                 *

At first you had been worried about being too much of a bother when Logan said he’d be fixing your bedframe but now, sitting on the couch eating the snacks you got on your way back home, you couldn’t help but notice Logan looked very comfortable and happy to be helping you out. Right after you got back home, he fixed your bedframe but apparently having a drill and a toolbox within his vicinity had awakened something in him that he was now working on what could be “fixed” in your living room.

You could’ve sworn his face had lit up like a Christmas tree when you mentioned you had shelves somewhere that you had been procrastinating on putting up.

“Are you sure you don’t want my help?” you asked as you popped a piece of chocolate in your mouth and he shook his head, holding the shelf against the wall to draw on where he’d put it up.

“No need princess.”

“I could help, I have some experience in it,” you pointed out. “Not very pleasant experience but experience nonetheless.”

“How’s that?”

“Um, when I was a child, whenever something broke in our house my dad would want to fix it himself,” you said. “And he’d ask me to hold the flashlight and but then scold me for pointing it at the wrong place.”

“Seriously?”

“Oh yeah.”

He looked at you over his shoulder before grabbing the drill and turned it on, making you grimace at the loud noise. He drilled two holes in the wall, then grabbed the plastic anchors and the hammer to nail them in.

You’d had a wet dream like this.

“How did you learn how to do all this?” you asked him and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve been around for some time. You pick up hobbies.”

“And that’s your hobby?”

“I like fixing things,” he said. “And building stuff.”

You sat up straighter, your whole attention on him.

“Okay, so I can add it to the list of things I know about you,” you said with a bright smile. “I’m quite proud of myself you know, growing that list isn’t the easiest thing in the world.”

Logan shot you a small grin. “Subtle.”

“Hey I’m just warning you beforehand,” you said, holding your hands up. “You won’t even see me coming and before you know, you’re opening up to me.”

“Oh is that what’s gonna happen?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I’m too stubborn to quit.”

Logan’s smile was calm before he took a deep breath, then started working on the shelf again.

“It’s just…” he murmured. “A long story, you know? Too much to tell.”

“That’s okay,” you said softly. “I’ve got time. And until then, you can listen to me talk about absolute nonsense.”

“I like doing that, in case it escaped your notice.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest and you took a deep breath, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“So yeah, I apparently held the flashlight wrong. And there was also that one time—I’m just not the best at fixing things, there was that one time Julie tried to teach me how to change a tire but I ended up convincing her to go get mimosas instead. She’s really good at all that, I swear she and IKEA manuals have something going on that the rest of us human kind cannot understand, she built my wardrobe and I honestly just provided her with cookies—oh my God, Logan!” you said with a gasp. “Do you want cookies?”

A fond smile curled his lips as he looked at you over his shoulder.

“No seriously, I know you liked the chocolate chip ones but I’ve been dying to try this new recipe, it has mint chocolate—do you like mint chocolate? I hope you’re not one of those people who say mint chocolate tastes like toothpaste because I am a ride or die mint chocolate lover, but I think I can also make—”

You were cut off when he strode to you to lean down and kiss you, cutting you off before you let out a giggle.

“Yeah,” he said, pulling back to look at you better. “I’d love some.”

You beamed up at him and stole another kiss from him.

“So yes to the mint chocolate cookies then?”

He stroked his thumb over your cheekbone, that loving look in his eye making your heart skip a happy beat.

“Sure thing sweetheart,” he said. “Yes to the mint chocolate cookies.”

                                                        *

The more time you spent with Logan, the giddier you felt. You knew that you were supposed to keep yourself in check and play it cool considering everything between you two was very new, but it felt as if since you two had got together, you hadn’t been able to stop smiling.

Or it could’ve been just mind-blowing sex.

Either or.

“I’m not really much of a TV person.”

“And I respect that, but not having seen Titanic is simply just not acceptable,” you said as you poured the popcorn into the bowl and made your way to the couch. He wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you to his lap, making you let out a squeal as you straddled him with a giggle.

“You’re not distracting me this time,” you told him, pecking him on the lips before getting off his lap to sit beside him, still holding the popcorn bowl tight. You grabbed the remote to start the movie while Logan frowned at the screen as if it had personally offended him.

“I mean I heard about it,” he said. “It’s romance, right?”

“The best romance in the history of humankind.”

Logan pulled his brows together.

“So low expectations, got it,” he said. “The title suggests it’s not gonna end well?”

“Listen, they may have only known each other for four days—”

“Four days?!”

“Yeah but it was true love,” you said in a solemn manner, nodding your head and Logan’s frown deepened.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, babe.”

“That’s totally how it works,” you said. “It’s like opposites attract wrapped in star-crossed lovers wrapped in a tragic love story. I watched it for like 50 times, it’s my comfort movie. I always cry at the end.”

“Your comfort movie is a movie that makes you cry?”

“Yeah,” you said and grabbed at his arm when turned to look at the screen. “Look, that’s Jack! That’s who Rose falls in love with—wait, Logan, I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“So you were around when Titanic happened?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember it?”

“I remember the news of it, yeah,” he said. “Everyone was shocked by it.”

You took a deep breath to ask him another question but your doorbell rang. You turned your head and stood up but Logan was faster than you, so he walked to the door to open it and as soon as he did, Julie’s voice reached you.

“Holy shit you’re tall.”

“Julie?” you asked as you approached the door and Logan stepped aside. “Hi!”

“Hey, sorry I didn’t…” she motioned at Logan. “It’s just that I texted you and you didn’t answer, and I was on my way here anyway because who just got out of a terrible argument with her ex dickhead of a boyfriend and needed some distraction?”

“Jesus, that asshole again?” you asked and she nodded.

“Yep.”

“Come in!” you said and Julie shook her head.

“No no, I really don’t wanna interrupt your sexy time.”

Logan tilted his head while you shot her a lighthearted glare.

“Come in,” you insisted, pulling her by the arm before closing the door. “We’re watching Titanic. Logan, this is Julie, my best friend. Jules, this is Logan—” you paused for a moment, trying to find the right words.

Boyfriend was a big title and you hadn’t really talked about it before, and you actually didn’t know where Logan stood on this whole thing so you decided to play it safe.

“I told you about him,” you ended up saying and Logan extended his hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Julie said, shaking his hand. “You really are a good looking dude, and I was so right about the lumberjack vibes.”

Logan blinked a couple of times as if he didn’t know how to answer. “…Thanks?”

“No problem.”

“I’m pouring you wine,” you said, making your way to the kitchen with Julie following you, and Logan lingered in the hallway for a moment before going back to the living room.

“Are you sure it’s cool I’m crashing your date?”

You took out a wine glass before pouring some wine in it.

“I’ll be offended if you ask me that again,” you told her and she hugged you, making you smile and press a kiss on her cheek.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to like, buy a baseball bat and threaten him?”

“Nah I’m fine,” she said as she pulled back to take the glass from you. “It’s just fucking frustrating.”

“Screw him, he’s an idiot,” you told her as you held her other hand and you both went into the living room.

“Hey man, sorry about the interruption,” Julie told him, flinging herself on the armchair and Logan shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. No interruption other than me trying to figure out how these two people will have the ‘greatest love story’ in four days.”

“It is true love!” you said, smacking the back of your hand into your palm to emphasize each word and Logan chuckled.

“Yeah alright, sorry. True love.”

“Weren’t you around when this happened?” Julie asked, motioning at the screen and you grinned.

“We share one braincell,” you told her and Julie crossed her arms, looking at Logan.

“Did you meet Thomas Edison?”

Logan looked almost confused. “Uh, no?”

“Good, he was an asshole. Did you meet Victor Hugo?”

Logan paused for a moment, then turned to look at you. “Are you guys all secretly French?”

“No, we just watched Les Miserables one hundred times,” you answered while Julie sighed.

“A masterpiece, if you will.”

“Better than this whole true love in four days thing?” Logan asked, motioning at the screen and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Careful there buddy, you’re on thin ice.”

Logan shot you a grin, making you smile back before you turned to Julie.

“Seriously, what happened with that jerk?”

“Oh you know, the usual drill. He called me drunk, started with begging and then that whole thing turned into him listing every single bad thing about me.”

“He was the one who cheated on you.”

“Yeah and you’d think he’d remember that.”

Logan threw an arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to him.

“I can beat him up if you want,” he said in such a matter-of-fact tone that it made you look up at him in confusion. Julie let out a small laugh.

“You, I like you,” she said, pointing at him before she looked at you. “I approve.”

“Aw thank you.”

“That being said,” she said. “Logan, you seem like a really nice guy but make no mistake, if you upset her in any way, I’ll get the biggest magnet I can find and point it at you so that I can pull that metal skeleton of yours out of your body.”

“Julie!” you exclaimed, your eyes widening and Logan’s smile widened as if he was merely amused. “Don’t listen to her. She’s nice to me and terrible to everyone else.”

Julie blew you a kiss and Logan nodded his head.

“Noted,” he told Julie and Julie grinned at him.

“See? You and I are gonna get along just fine.”

You heaved a sigh, then grabbed the bowl to hold it out for Julie to take some popcorn. She grabbed a handful, then leaned back to watch the movie while you leaned your head on Logan’s chest, trying to pay attention to the movie. Logan nuzzled into your hair and pressed a kiss on top of your head, making your stomach do a happy flip and you felt a smile warm your face before you bit on your lip, then turned your gaze to the screen again.

[stevierogersbabygirl]

Teacher's Pet

Professor!Steve Rogers x problematic reader

Run-through: You were never a diligent student, but ever since professor Rogers noticed, his teaching methods changed your grades forever.

Warnings : mentions of divorce, daddy issues, drugs and alcohol

Themes : Slight angst, smut (cock warming, clothed + vaginal sex)

Your parents divorced when you were 12, giving your mom sole custody of you.

Your father was abusive, he'd emotionally abuse you and never be there for your emotional needs, and your mother tried her best to raise you alone.

But life was hard growing up without a father figure.

You were now 22, and things did not get any better.

You were friends with the wrong people, who were only interested in drugs, alcohol, and lots of sex.

You'd join in, skipping college just to do those activities, and your group was so notorious that the whole campus knew about it.

They were unable to do anything about it, as some of the guys from your gang had parents who had donated to the college for years.

It was almost the first day of the second semester in college, and you and your group planned to go as you guys always went on the first day.

You got bored during most of the lessons, until one class.

A professor resigned and was replaced by a guy named Dr. Steve Rogers.

Holy fuck, he was so hot. From his properly styled blonde hair to his beautiful blue eyes accompanied by long eyelashes, to his pretty lips, to his height, to his abs and biceps.

Suddenly you wanted to attend college again.

Once you were out of his class, you went to your gang and gossiped all about him.

They'd tease you that "Y/N will one hundred percent fuck him for grades", or "Go suck his dick after class". You laughed along with them.

Your crush on that man started to develop more and more, as you attended his classes, and only his classes.

Before and after he taught, you'd always be with your gang, somewhere else, doing something terrible.

But you just had to be in Steve's class for the eye candy.

Unfortunately, though, Steve was teaching one of the harder subjects, and your grades remained the same.

One day, Steve called you after class ended, into his office.

You excitedly went there, fighting back a smile while walking.

You went back into character before knocking on the door, and he went to open it, and you instantly noticed a slight frown on his face, while inviting you to sit down.

After you sat down in front of his desk, he went behind the desk to sit on his chair.

"Y/N, we have to talk about your grades." He said softly, with a concerned look on his face.

You were so mesmerized at first by his beautiful self, that you didn't say anything leaving an awkward silence between the both of you.

"Y/N?" He asked.

You knew this would end up like other meetings about grades. You knew you'd just fail again and didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of a man like him.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I will work on them soon, I have to go now, bye!" You said rather sheepishly, getting up and slowly walking towards the door.

"I didn't tell you to leave." He said in an authoritative voice, causing you to embarrassingly hurry back into your chair.

"Y/N. This is a serious matter, and I've heard of how other professors seem to fail to help your grades." He said in his deep, slightly intimidating voice.

The thought of Steve talking about you to other teachers instantly made your heart flutter, but you had to focus on his serious words.

"So Y/N, I've come up with a strategy. Meet me at my house this evening." He said, handing you a piece of paper with his address on it.

You looked at it in surprise.

After the meeting, you skipped the next class to be with your friends, and they'd have their chitchats but it felt like background noise.

All you could think about was the paper.

Throughout those hours, you wondered what Steve wanted to do about your studies, at his house.

Why would he even invite you to his house?

That's when you had sexually intrusive thoughts, imagining Steve doing the most sinful, sexual things to you, and it made your underwear dampen on those occasions.

In the evening, you walked through his neighborhood to find his house and you finally did, knocking on the door.

Steve opened and invited you into the living room.

You sat on the opposite side of him in the dining room.

After some small talk and as he served you some cookies, he said something rather interesting.

"I heard about your gang, all the sex and stuff, so can you tell me some things regarding it?" He said while mixing his coffee with a small teaspoon.

Your heart jumped hearing those words come out of his mouth, and you had to remove the brain fog to find an answer to it.

"Oh yeah, sure. Well, I've been hooking up with guys since I was 19, they'd pay me for it, and I'd get pregnant on multiple occasions but unfortunately aborted." You said.

You don't know why you said all of that, especially to your professor.

Steve looked at you with a face that had an emotion hard to detect and took a sip of his coffee, he placed it on the table.

"What was the biggest one you took?" He said casually, looking at you, a smirk forming on his face.

Shock filled your face, and your mouth gaped slightly open.

Did your professor ask that?

But you knew that, if you guys were about to have sex, you'd like it too.

This man knew he was extremely hot.

"Well, 5 inches." You said sheepishly, looking down at your plate full of cookie crumbs.

Steve chuckled, and you presumed it was because of the shyness.

He stopped chuckling and said quieter, "Well I'm 6.5, you okay with that?" He asked.

You looked at him, with your mouth gaped and your brain still processing what he just said.

You eventually nodded, and he patted his lap for you to sit on it.

You eventually sat on his lap, inches away from his face.

"B-but, what does this have to do with the studies?" You'd ask shyly, playing with your hair, making Steve smile.

"Well, since you like sex so much, how about you have your pretty tits out while you sit on my cock, doing all your missing assignments on that laptop you have." He said, smirking and staring into your shy eyes.

No way. No way he just said that.

But this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, lots of girls would do anything to fuck their hot professor.

You nodded slowly, looking hypnotized by his beautiful eyes.

In no time, your shirt would be pulled up, revealing your tits, while your underwear was off, and your skirt was covering your pussy as you sat on his large, fat cock, unzipped from his trousers.

You were shaking, a fog clouded in your mind, while you wrote one of your essays, while Steve had both hands on your waist, watching your every move from behind, occasionally playing with your tits

If you were almost finished, Steve would start thrusting up into you and rubbing your clit, and you knew it was worth it.

Once you've submitted, Steve would bring you to his bed to fuck you fast and, hard, and would plant kisses all over your body, showing you that your work was worth it.

You spent less time with your gang, so you'd always give your friends excuses like your mom gave you extra chores, but you were truly at Steve's house, getting your pussy filled while increasing your grades.

For the rest of the college year, you'd sit on his cock half naked, with him fully clothed only with his cock out.

Sometimes you'd request to have casual sex with him, but he'd always reject it, saying that you needed to do an assignment too, which you unfortunately accepted.

But aside from grades, before you'd start doing your assignments, he'd sometimes ask you to give him a blowjob, usually if he's had a stressful day, and you'd agree, which was so unfair.

You never got sex if you weren't doing your work, and he'd always get sex if he'd simply ask.

But he was the hottest fucking guy after all, how could you say no?

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Would you combo 10, 12, and 21 for astarion and tav? Pretty please :D TYSM!!!!

Prompt(s): spooning at night, pushing a strand of hair behind their ear, kissing the other’s brow

Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist

You were never one to believe in the Gods. All evidence suggested they were a bunch of all powerful pricks who couldn't care less about mortal lives, so why should you care for them. The picture before you, however, made a strong argument against such blasphemy. How could you hold such a man in your arms and not believe some higher being was looking after you.

Astarion lay with his head on your chest, his arms wrapped around you body as if you were a dream about to slip at first light. You had no such plans. This was your dream too.

A single candle lit the small scene casting your lover in a soft orange glow. You'd discovered quickly that Astarion couldn't stand total darkness. If the light of the moon wasn't available, a candle at least must always be lit. You couldn't complain. The view was too admirable to ignore.

You ran your hand absentmindedly through his silver curls, relishing in their silk. How he managed to maintain such perfect locks without a mirror was beyond your comprehension. One of these days you'd have to ask him to teach you his mysterious ways.

You felt him shift slightly, a low rumble starting in his chest sending a pleasant vibration through your whole body.

Biting back a laugh, you tucked a stray hair behind his ear.

"Is this alright," you whispered, not wanting to break the contented quiet between you.

He hummed in approval, pulling himself just a little closer.

"I think I could get used to this," he mumbled.

Smiling, you pressed a kiss to his brow. So could you.

[gremlingottoosilly]

Your ride is here (dark!Ghoap x fem!Reader)

CW and tags: Non-con, poly, group sex, size kink, daddy kink, power imbalance, kidnapping, dead dove do not eat, forced orgasms, praise, humiliation I really really adore @ohbo-ohno and @ceilidho for their amazing takes on writing dark fics with Ghoap and fem!Readers Word count: 3794 AO3

You were already way too drunk when you got out of the bar. It was an annoyingly loud party, too many people you never even knew – you thought that it would be nice since it’s a nice bar and not some weird tech music club, but it didn’t really matter in the end. You were still wasted, head spinning around and headache already forming with bile in your throat every time you opened your eyes. Your phone is dead, your brain is barely working, and the only thing you wish to do right now is to curl down in a small ball and cry. 

You barely managed to call for an Uber before your phone blinked one last time and turned off – and judging by the fact that the somewhat kinda, big-ish car was the only one in the dim alleyway, you assumed it was your ride. Hopefully, you’ll get home as soon as possible, get a shower, clear your stomach from alcohol slowly brewing into nausea, and fall asleep. 

You’re far too drunk to notice that the driver didn’t even ask for your name when you got inside. 

— H…hey there. You’re my driver, yea? 

You force the words out of your mouth as you slowly duck your head into the car and settle on the backseat before the guy even says anything. He is pretty, somewhat – a weird fucking haircut for sure, but has a roguish charm of a boy you might meet at the nearest gas station shop. You’re way too buzzed to think of him in any romantic way, but he is nice to look at, and you’re staring to the point of being inappropriate. 

He smiles, and you feel your cheeks heating up – probably just alcohol working its way up your system. But he looks nice and probably would feel nice in bed, too – he clearly forgot about shaving for a few days, and you almost think about the way it would feel on your face. Or between your legs. Or just right on your…

— Aye, it’s me. 

You can see his cheeks getting flushed as he stares back at you. The situation becomes slightly more weird with each passing moment, but he taps on his phone, probably searching for a map. You turn your head to look at the blurry image – not like you have any knowledge of the area, transferring here for your big girl job and trying to make your way in the city that couldn’t care less about you or your feelings. 

You press your cheek against the car seat, leaning over to help him. 

— It’s on…yeah, um, Maple 37-12. I think I might have typed the address incorrectly on the app. 

— Thank ye, lassie. 

He quickly turns on the map to head over to your house, and you smile, happy about your management skills even as you’re still drunk as hell. You allow your head to fall on the backseat headrest again, closing your eyes just for a second. It’s a long ride home, and you already regret every decision that made you go to this fucking party. 

The driver is chatty. 

Really fucking chatty. 

— So, where do you work? Ye shouldn’t be up in that hour. 

You grumble something in the answer, not wanting to speak too much. Your brain isn’t built for this kind of pressure right now. 

— Yer boyfriend goin’ to pick ye up? 

You slightly wince at the words, another reminder of how utterly alone you were. Of course, if you had a boyfriend or even some close, responsible friends, you would ask them to help you with a ride home – you never trusted public transport at this hour, and uber is often varies between a last resort and a stranger danger on wheels. 

— Don’t have any. 

Your brain is far too drunk to even comprehend why you didn’t just lie that a mysterious boyfriend will meet you. Somehow, the expression of the driver – he called himself Johnny with such a beautiful boyish smile that it made your toes curl – made you feel dizzy and light in the head. God, you don’t want to act like a high school sweetheart, but all of those drinks made you feel lonely. 

— No way. A wee bonnie like ye shouldnae be alone. 

You lick your lips, trying not to sound too miserable. You’re failing. 

— I’m focusing on my career. 

He actually laughs at that, and you feel even more embarrassed. 

— Career? How does that work out for ye? 

You just grumble at the answer, not wanting to bury yourself even deeper. Truth be told, it’s not what you expected when moving to a new city – you don’t know anyone, don’t have any friends here, your life has started from a blank point, and there is really nothing for you to do besides trying to connect with some uptight work buddies in a grimy bar. 

Driver says something else – just general questions, something about the weather. Silly jokes that make you snort and reconsider your sense of humor – he is really nice for a cab driver, and you kinda want to just listen to him talk over and over again. You kinda just want to close your eyes and sleep, but you suddenly realize that you need to charge your phone in order to check the payment – you don’t think you have enough cash in your purse, and you don’t want to make the driver’s life even more miserable. He must be low on money to work at this hour, and you kinda feel bad enough to leave him a big tip after all of this, especially if you would end up throwing up all over his nice, big car. It's suited for some brutal man from war movies, not an Uber driver. 

— Hey, sorry. Can I charge my phone for a bit? 

He smiles even more, getting you the required cable – you plug your phone finally, for the first time in the past few minutes, seeing your home screen again. God, this is late hours – you never got home at this time before. 

The car takes an unexpected turn, and you swing your head to look at the window – you don’t recognize the area. Of course, the road was dark, and you lived far away, but even with your blurry mind and hazy memories of the street you moved to,  you knew this wasn’t right. The driver is nice and all, but you feel like he made a mistake by relying only on Google Maps. You hope he made a genuine mistake, at least. 

— Um, sir? 

— Aye, lassie? 

He looks so innocent it immediately drops you off guard. You lean closer to him, a phone still in your hand – you were trying to refresh the Uber app quite a few times already, but it somehow never showed you the price you were supposed to pay for the trip – and try to sound as chill as possible. No use in making a scene, you both are tired, and he probably wants to get done with you as soon as possible. 

— I think you took a wrong turn. My street should be on the right side. 

— Didnae think I did. 

— What do you mean? My home isn’t…

The app blinks, and you look at it, trying to concentrate on the obscenely bright screen, punishing your eyes for simply having those. You lick your lips, blood running cold. 

You stare at the “Your driver will be here in 5 minutes”. With a description of a car that couldn’t be more different than the car you were in. 

With the driver, whose name wasn’t even remotely “Johnny”. 

***

Soap wasn’t intending to bring a girl home. What he intends is to find a nice chip place near the bar he and Simon used to go to together and then bring something home to eat because, of course, Lt came home before him, and his cooking skills are almost as bad as his jokes. Simon is a mad dog that will probably eat anything provided and isn’t against chewing on his shoes in case of an emergency, but he doesn’t want him to do this off-deployment. 

Johnny literally just wanted to buy some grub, get it home warm, and take off drinking beer and watching some mindless shit on the TV. Preferably with Simon by his side because their relationship cannot be defined by any labels, and he as a nice fucking ass. 

Well, turns out random drunk girls who slammed into his car just when he got the takeout bag securely on the front seat have nice asses too. And Soap can’t think of the last time he had his dick smothered by a woman’s lips and not his fist or, somehow, Simon’s hand. 

You’re pretty, drunk, and kinda dumb – just like he loves them. Silly girl, really, what did you expect when your phone is dead and you have no other means of contacting safety. He saw you approaching the car, not even looking at his plate – you probably wouldn’t remember when he would dump you in the morning. Not that he would, of course, pretty dumb girls like you should be protected, and his job is, well, protection itself –  he can drag you to his and Ghost’s apartment like a trophy in his teeth. 

He licks his lips, enjoying the expression of fear slowly creeping on your face. You’re so drowsy, so adorable, he can’t help but smile widely when you’re panicking. You try to open the door, but, of course, it’s child-locked. Fitting for someone who behaves like one. 

The last time he tried to convince a girl to have a threesome with him and Simon, she preferred to just watch them awkwardly jerk each other off. The last time he tried to convince a guy for a threesome with him and Simon, Johnny spent the whole night in the corner, blue-balled and lonely, as the twink preferred to suck Lt until he’d cum like two times in a row. 

Johnny knows that if he wants a chance for something other than a sloppy seconds, he will have to accept a quick car fuck, possible kidnapping, and forging marriage documents for a pretty girl he just locked in his car because why the hell not, why can’t a handsome Scotsman just kidnap a drunk girl who mistook him for an Uber driver. 

He stops the car in a more or less secluded area – poor bird, you’re still trying to bump your way out of the door with your shoulder, only risking dislocating it. The car was a fucking tank in disguise, the only thing that could survive Ghost’s driving skills – there is no way you would be able to get it to open without the owner wanting you to. Soap licks his lips, turning to you. Hell bells, you look divine. 

Tears in your eyes, panicked expression, hands curling into fists as you’re trying to get out of your personal nightmare, no matter how drunk you are. Poor baby, he really feels bad for you – you’re so sweet, so trusting, there is no way he was the first guy to ever try to harm you like this. Sergeant might like to think of himself as being more or less in touch with normal people, but when he sees a pretty girl in trouble, he wants nothing more but to become her trouble. 

He opens the car just for a second from the driver’s seat – he needs to get to you, after all, just looking at you, trapped in the backseat, won’t be enough for the throbbing erection he has in his pants. You try to fight him as he heavily lingers on you, almost crushing you under his weight. Car isn’t nearly big enough for someone like him to comfortably sit in normal position on top of you, so Johnny uses one hand to drag you back, deeper into the seat, and the other hand – to unbuckle his belt, proving to be fucking beautiful with his fingers. 

You look so pretty, he can’t help but snap a few pictures for the group chat – dumb idea at first, as he thought, but now he can’t wait for the Captain to see what a pretty catch he has on his arms. The last mission was pretty rough, and they all deserve a pretty thing to cover themselves in fear and tremble under them after they fuck her, one after one. Might even bring you to Captain’s house, show you what a good girl you can be for your daddy if given a chance. 

Soap smirks as he drags his hard cock out of his pants. Your eyes are wide in shock – he might not be the biggest of the group, Lt has the crown rightfully and deservingly, but it doesn’t mean that the Scot is small. Thicker than average, leaking pre-cum already – has been since you first got into the car, all cute and disoriented. He had to waste quite a few minutes driving you as far from civilization as possible without alarming your pretty, dazed head about anything – now he can reap his prize. A part of it, anyway. 

You cry and squirm, trying to fight him off when he pushes his hand into your hair and tugs angrily – you’re simply too fucking weak to be a reasonable challenge, so Johnny only laughs when he can put your fight with a single press on your windpipe. You cough, struggling again – soon enough, you learn to just stop and allow him to lead. Good girl, can be trained so well – you’d make a good soldier if you weren’t so pretty and so vulnerable. 

— Don’t make me break yer nose, lassie. Open up, aye? 

He smiles, too warm for the situation – you don’t understand what you did to deserve this, his hand presses your throat in a tight embrace, and you can’t do anything but squirm and try somehow to use your legs to fight – but oh, you’re far too drunk to do this. You whimper, and your head spins and aches with each hiccup, leaving your lips. Such a pathetic sight to see, you could almost feel bile in your throat as he pressed his cock closer to your lips, smearing bitter liquid all over your closed mouth. 

— Pl…please, don’t do this, don’t… what do you want? Money? I will give you money, or my phone, or…

He groans, the waiting time for this pretty girl is far too long already. He doesn’t want to hurt you, you’re too soft for this – a thought of slapping your face lingers in his mind, but ruining your pretty cheeks won’t be efficient in this case. Johnny tugs on your hair, hoping it will be enough to set you straight – he doesn’t want you to pass out from pain, after all. Already too merciful with just using your throat and now that tight ass hiding underneath your dress. 

Your words are slurred, hazed, your tongue can’t move quite right enough – still too drunk, and lack of fresh air only makes you go dumber by each second. Soap only lets go of you when he is sure you’re far too gone to try and bite him – still, he pushes his two hands in your mouth, opening you wide as you gag and cough. 

— Don’t worry yer pretty head ‘bout it. Just take me, and then we’ll go home. 

He will ride you home, make you ride him, and make you some really nice breakfast later. He will carefully wipe away the damp makeup from your face – poor girl, you’re crying too much and ruined all of your hard work on this skin – and send some pretty pictures to the group. But, hey, he can snap a couple right now. 

With one hand still in your mouth, he awkwardly moves his hips so his cock can point right against your lips – and presses down, making you gag more and more as he slowly but surely pushes his cock inside of your tight, warm mouth. God, this is the heavens – he can’t remember the last time he had such an amazing blowjob from such a cutie. Gaz would fucking love you. 

You’re so pretty from this angle, coughing on his cock, tears streaming down your cheeks – Johnny tells you to smile for the camera and snaps a couple of pictures. Group chat was an amazing idea, after all – he can’t wait to share some more cute videos once you’ve settled it. The feeling of your warm mouth on his cock is absolutely divine – you’re tight, probably inexperienced, and he relishes in the fact he might be the biggest cock you ever took in your pretty lips. 

You try your hardest to pull away, but he keeps you close, a hand tugs on your hair again, making you cry harder. Soap is so sorry, bonnie, he will make it up to you later – will eat your pretty cunt sloppily, maybe mess with your ass a bit, making sure you’re all wet and open for the members of his team and their members. He snorts at the thought. smiling as you’re still fighting the urge to puke. 

— Like this, aye? Don’t fuckin’ try to bite me, I don’t want to prick yer teeth off. 

Threat lingers in your panicked mind as he drags his hips back before slamming in your mouth again, his balls slapping your chin with an obscene sound. The drool is leaking down your lips, creating a mess on the car seat – it’s not a problem, really, he will clean it later. Maybe would have to change the fabric of the seating for something less damp if he plans to fuck you in the car more. And oh, aren’t they all planning to do this? 

His phone rings when he was least expecting it – skull emoji on the display. No name, no photo – of course. He must have predicted that Lt would like some of the fun beforehand. Well, Soap isn’t the one to hoard every trophy to himself – even if he really wants to be the first with a pretty girl. 

He loves his team – and they will love you as much. 

He picks up with a smug grin on his face, staring at the screen. His moans become louder, grunts that make your cheeks burn as you just know he is faking it for more theatrics – pressing his phone between his cheek and a shoulder, leaving his friend to listen to his pleasure. Licking his lips as Ghost groans, a familiar sound of an unbuckled belt clanging somewhere in the background. You sob, trying to trash out of his hold again – he only presses you deeper, your nose flattening against his pubic bone. 

— Couldn’t fuckin’ wait, Jonny? Simon sounds tired, angry, jealous even – his sergeant smiles wider, slowly removing the phone from under his cheek and going into video call instead – showing your pretty face, all smothered with pre-cum, ruined makeup, and tears. You look so pretty, so perfect, he moves his hips more to remind you to suck on his cock and not just stare at him like a pretty kitten. He loves you like this, of course, but his dick twitches without proper movement, and Johnny was never the one for patience. Only for bombs, maybe. 

Well, you’re a freaking bombshell, aren’t ye. 

— Sorry, Lt. Dumb thing thought I was her ride. 

The other man snorts. They both laugh – a cruel sound, taunting your ears. You whine and cry, feeling the cock in your mouth pulsating. You try to turn away from the camera, but it’s impossible with a hand still pressing down on your head – you can only close your eyes, poor attempt at saving your dignity. God, you feel absolutely trashed. Soap adores that defeated look in your eyes. 

— And you aren’t? 

— Still a better driver than you, sir. But no, not this time. Can give her a ride, though. 

You hate their laughing, hate the way he is gently caressing your head like you’re a threatened animal and not a living, breathing being. He is being soft with you, like he isn’t forcing his way into your mouth – like he isn’t showing your fucked face to his friend. You hate the way your pussy burns, wet from humiliation, and the soft retirement you’re receiving. Bastard isn’t even thinking of your pleasure, and maybe that’s good. You don’t want to like it. 

— Goin’ bring her home? 

— Aye. Would look bloody adorable on our bed. 

They both snort while your blood runs cold. You hoped, you prayed he would let you go after this – traumatized, but mostly alive and well. You have a job, you have a life, and you can’t be fucking “taken home” to some bastard’s bed while he is using you like a sex toy. You try to squeeze your teeth on his dick, maybe do at least something to make him let you go – but Soap strikes your cheek with unknown anger, making you squirm in his grasp. You sob. 

— Don’t break her yet, Johnny. 

— Sorry. Dumb thing tried to bite me. 

— Doesn’t know any better. Gaz had a special muzzle for dumb girls. 

— Too tight for my dick. 

— Bloody hell, Mactavish. Don’t get too cocky. 

— Never intended to, sir. 

He pushes his dick deeper into your mouth. Your cheek burns from the slap, you can almost feel the bruise forming – and the bastard just tugs on your hair, filling your throat with sticky, disgusting cum. You drink it all, no use in trying to choke yourself on his seed when you’re already set in his hold. 

— How is her mouth? 

— Fuckin’ heaven, Lt. 

— I noticed. You finished fast, even for you, Johnny. 

— I’ll try better next time. Maybe get our dollie off after. 

— Selfish, Mactavish. 

— We all deserve to be selfish. 

Soap has the fucking audacity to wipe your mouth after you finish drinking it all, pushing the remaining cum and drool back on your tongue. He gently patted on your head, then made a small apology for being too rough. Was never his intention. 

— Sorry, bonnie. Don’t try to fight again, aye? You’re too tired to answer, and he just cradles your head against his chest. You whimper and cry, pleading senselessly for him to leave you – he only snaps even more photos of your tear-stained face. God, he can’t wait to bring you home. You’ll look heavenly as a fucktoy for the whole team. 

— L..let me…

— Naw, lassie. Shut up and let me take you where you belong. You’ll love it, promise. 

He kisses your forehead before moving to the front seat again. 

You clutch to the seat in silence, bitter taste of his cum still lingering on your tongue. 

[mrs-gauche]

Let's talk about the Red Lyrium Idol

(…Because it's not like this thing has been discussed to death over the past ten years, right? 😂 *drops my two cents in the Scrooge McDuck money bin*)

Ah yes… The red lyrium idol. The one thing that's given me a headache since 2018, as I'm still trying to figure out how this damn thing could possibly fit into my bazillion tinfoil theories.

Whether it's the first official DA4 teaser in 2018, the Blue Wraith comic series or the entirety of the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, a lot of the supplementary media and promotional stuff setting up the course for DA4 seems to be centered around the idol. Quite literally, in some cases, like this mural from the first 2018 teaser:

It certainly led us to think that the idol won't just be another McGuffin (or so I hope lol), but other than that, it's still heavely shrouded in mystery…

Which is why I will now make an attempt to unravel this and gather every single bit of information we have on it (so far) and maybe that'll get us closer to some sort of answer in the end (actually, it won't, because this got SO long that I had to split this post in two parts lol No one's going to read all of this anyway 💀)!

Look, I just needed to get this behemoth of a post out before we might get an actual substantial trailer tomorrow and none of this will probably matter anymore. 😂💀

(Note: This whole thing was initially intended to be solely for myself to keep track of any information we've gotten about the idol since DA2. But since it's gotten SO long over the years, I figured why not just rewrite it into a somewhat coherent text and post it on here? :D ......Seriously, it's really, REALLY effing long.)

The Idol's Journey so far

To me, the idol always seemed to be something like "The One Ring" in LOTR. A forged ancient artifact with creepy unknown powers that is said to feel "alive", almost as if it possesses a will of its own, seeing as it has somehow found its way from countless random people, back to (presumably) its former owner. It also appears to be somewhat cursed, given that almost everyone who held it at one point seems to have died or gone mad by now (Yeah, I'm very worried about Varric and Hawke 👀).

Let us start with a quick summary of the journey the idol has made in the span of about 12-13 years (not counting the unknown timespan in which the last chapter of Tevinter Nights takes place):

First discovered by Hawke and Varric in an ancient Thaig in the Deep Roads.

Stolen by Bartrand, who then made a quick trip to Rivain.

Sold to Meredith, who turned it into a sword.

Taken out of Meredith's petrified corpse by Carta dwarves.

Sold again to a Tevinter mage, who brought it to House Qintara in Ventus.

Handed to a secret agent of Fen'Harel named Gaius (who was impersonating Magister Qintara).

Traded away to Tractus Danarius.

Handed to Magister Nenealeus at Castellum Tenebris to be used as part of a ritual.

Picked up by Cedric Marquette after the fortress fell, while trying to escape.

Handed back to Tractus Danarius, who then probably (not confirmed) went to Nevarra to perform another blood magic ritual.

Picked up by a Mortalitasi who (maybe) took it to Tevinter.

(Supposedly!) ended up in a vault under an auction house in Llomerryn in Rivain, where it was (supposedly!) retrieved by Solas.

That's quite the journey… that you wouldn't even know half about if you didn't read the comics or Tevinter Nights. But whereas the book and comics were all published after the first teaser trailer in 2018, after which the idol became the center of the fandom's attention and speculation, it should be noted that a connection to the idol was in fact already made way back in 2014, when people noticed that the image of Solas holding Flemeth's lifeless body at the end of Inquisition was very reminiscent of something else.

...Which brings us to the point of what the idol is even depicting to begin with.

Description

Before I'll start to give my own description based on the models in-game, the teaser and concept art, I'd like to quote the people who've actually seen it in person.

In the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, we are being told three tales by three different people, who all describe the same idol differently.

The Carta Assassin: "A couple hugging, too thin to be dwarves - but it's sitting there, glowing softly like a ruby lit by the grace of the Maker himself. […] It's heavier than you'd think - lyrium's heavier than you'd think, too, but this was heavy even for that. When I hefted it in my hand, it was like it wanted to keep moving, like it was liquid inside."

The Mortalitasi: "An idol crafted from red lyrium, which seemed to show two lovers, or a god mourning her sacrifice. It whispered in our minds when we saw it […]."

The Orlesian Bard/Solas: "He whispered something as he picked it up, tracing his gloved fingers gently along the crowned figure who comforted the other."

The one thing that all of these seem to have in common though is two figures who embrace each other in some way.

Which is interesting, because in all the depictions of the idol we've seen so far, it clearly shows three people instead of two. Granted, the third figure is a bit cramped up in the back of the crowned figure, but what's strange is that not even Solas himself mentions this third figure.

Most notable though is the crowned female looking figure in the center, which is holding onto the two other figures on each side of the ring shaped object (or it's the two figures holding onto the female?). The figures themselves look rather goulish, deadly or skeletal, with their bone structure clearly visible and all their expressions captured in a mix of horror or torment. The small carved-in lines coming from the middle figure's eye sockets also resemble black tears, much like we've seen on "The Mother" in Awakening.

There's also no sign of clothing, which is all the more apparent on the concept art of the idol, in which the breast of the middle figure is.. much more prominent. lol (We don't make fun of saggy boobs in this house, it's just nature and gravity after all, but for the sake of observation, I will note that they do remind me of Broodmother boobs, too 😂), aside from a hint of what could be a veil on the middle figure's head.

At the bottom of the idol, the lower bodies of the figures seem to fully submerge within its name-giving red lyrium and this "claw" type thing, which is coming off in the shape of crystalline red lyrium spikes at the tail end, though in the concept art and the DA2 model, these spikes were clearly more like red lyrium roots. But either way, the bottom makes it kinda look like it's been broken/ripped off?

We can also see tentacle like features, that remind me of the figures we've seen in the mural in the 2020 teaser and the depiction in the 25th anniversary book that revealed to us what the Archdemons were initially supposed to look like. 👀

I'd also like to point out that in the original concept art of the idol, the ears of the crowned figure look much more pointy to me than in later versions. 👀

There's also this "ring", that I've seen many people connect to how the Veil is often portrayed in Solas' murals.

But if this ring is supposed to depict the Veil, then what could it mean for the crowned figure reaching across to hold that ominous third figure on the "other side"?

And yes, I recognize that this ominous third figure also seems to be missing a left arm, just like another certain main character. 👀

The one thing that stands out the most though, is probably the crown itself. Most people might first associate it with Andraste, when the same shape can be traced as far back as ancient statues of Mythal.

Yeah, there's definitely a pattern here. 😂

That being said…

Connection to Mythal & Solas

Okay, we all know about the theory that Andraste might have been Mythal's previous host, right? We all know about the parallels between Mythal's story, Andraste, Flemeth, etc. And after comparing the idol to Flemeth and Meredith in their moment of death, considering all of the above/following and how old this thing potentially is, I will now make a wild guess here and argue that the idol is in fact depicting Mythal's death.

"He whispered something as he picked it up, tracing his gloved fingers gently along the crowned figure who comforted the other. But I could not make out the words, for I fear they were elven."

Not only does Solas seem to hold sentimental value for whoever the crowned figure is supposed to be, while also talking to it in elven, but the way he describes to "caress" the idol in Tevinter Nights does also seem to mirror how Flemythal was comforting him at the end of DAI.

However, I always thought it was a bit odd how Solas describes the idol as "a figure comforting another", when… tbh, "comforting" would probably be last thing that comes to my mind when I look at this...

"Agony" would be more fitting here, maybe? lol Kinda begs the question of how Mythal was murdered, too, with this being her expression in her moment of death? 👀

Without getting too much into it here, if there's one thing we can take from everything we've learned so far about their past, Solas' relationship with Mythal must've been a rather complicated one, to say the least.

"He did not want a body, but she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face."

Solas calls Mythal "the best of the elven gods", calling her "the mother, protective and fierce", and Solas is even described in the designer's notes as "Mythal's oldest friend" who is all about free will, yet if the spirit origin theory is true and Cole's cryptic comments in Trespasser are in fact about them, it was Mythal who gave Solas a body against his will, potentially bound/enslaved him with her vallaslin, and maybe even forced him to act against his original purpose?

"You should have seen me when I was younger. Hot-blooded and cocky, always ready to fight."

Cole: "You didn't do it to be right. You did it to save them." Inquisitor: "Solas, what is Cole talking about?" Solas: "A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything."

How much of what happened was Solas acting out Mythal's will, or rather, acting out of vengeance and pain in reaction to Mythal's death? How much of it was him acting downright impulsive?

Solas: “Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself, he must forgive.” Varric: “You don’t just forgive someone killing you.” Solas: “You don’t. A spirit can.”

Or was it Mythal's death itself that "wounded him and perverted him from his purpose", just like he described what happened to Cole?

And what does that say about Mythal then, when she clearly hasn't forgiven her murderers and still strives for vengeance after all this time? What if Solas' own perception of Mythal and all the circumstances surrounding her murder is warped because he was once bound to her? 👀

Anyway. To get back to topic.

So if we assume that the idol is in fact depicting Mythal's death, then that brings us to the next question of why the idol is even made of red lyrium? Or rather, what is Mythal's connection to red lyrium?

We know that red lyrium is tainted blood of a Titan. Mythal was the first to kill a Titan and mine their blood for things we won't get into in this post. So, how did the idol end up in the Deep Roads, anyway? How long had it been there? One thing that's kinda strange to me, is how the DA wiki page about the idol says that it was forged by the dwarves, solely based on the fact that it was initially found in the Deep Roads, when we have no actual evidence for that. We've seen statues of both Mythal and the Dread Wolf in the Deep Road section in Trespasser where the mining of lyrium was undergone, but we don't know if the dwarves even had any part in building them as well.

Would the dwarves forge an idol of the elven deity who conquered them and killed their Titan, if they were somehow forced to do so? We also have to remember that dwarves were and still are the only ones able to actually mine raw lyrium safely, but even the Carta dwarves in Tevinter Nights had to take several precautions in order to recover the red lyrium idol from Meredith's corpse. And even then, many of them still fell shaking or went mad in its presence like Bartrand.

So if it only takes that little exposure to have that much of an effect on someone's sanity, how were the ancient dwarves or anyone even able to create it in the first place? What if the idol was initially made of blue lyrium but was then somehow corrupted?

And if we take one moment to really think about what an idol actually is.

"An object representing extreme devotion and religious worship to a god."

While Solas doesn't think of any of the Evanuris as actual gods, he still seems to hold Mythal at such a high regard that he wouldn't even speak of her at a sacred place like the Temple of Mythal (whether or not that was because he just wanted to withhold any secret ancient knowledge). He's able to fully recite the invocation to Mythal if you bring him with you to her altar. He also looks exactly like the sentinels in Mythal's temple.

I could go on, but generally speaking, there are so many little hints pointing to Solas being a former slave/servant of Mythal that, again, we won't get into here, but it's important to mention when trying to figure out why the idol (presumably) even belongs to Solas.

"The idol's journey is now complete, and it has found its master."

In Tevinter Nights, the Dread Wolf claims that the red lyrium idol belongs to him. He also made sure to punish those who tried to misuse it, going so far as to march in with an entire army of spirits and snapping a guy's neck with his jaw. (Yup, you're better off not to touch the Dread Wolf's stuff for dirty blood rituals, kids.)

"You use my idol carelessly, and in doing so, you threaten all creation."

Additionally, in the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, Charter and other spies conclude that Solas must need the idol for whatever ritual he's planning, while Solas in Bard disguise claims that he's already in possession of the idol now and therefore, I quote, "cannot be stopped". (Though I personally still don't actually buy a single thing about his vivid tale at that auction house, but we'll get back to this later. lol)

And if the idol belongs to Solas, was he the one who created it, or did he order the dwarves or someone else to make it for him? But why would he intentionally make an idol out of red lyrium, anyway? He is fully aware of the dangers and corruption that comes with being exposed to red lyrium and its use. Especially considering that red lyrium is blighted and how he repeatedly expresses great concern over the Blights and gets furious over the Grey Wardens' attempts to preempt them by killing the Archdemons (because he obviously knows more than us).

So, does he know a way to use it without getting corrupted like everyone else? The Seekers of Truth are so far the only ones we've seen to be immune to red lyrium thanks to having their minds touched by a spirit of Faith during their vigil. Could Solas' connection to spirits/his hypothetical spirit origin allow him to use the idol without it effecting him?

But if any of this is true, then l'm again asking myself what even was the purpose of the idol to begin with? Why or when was it created? How does it differ from any other red lyrium, and what could Solas have used it for in the ancient past?

Powers & Effects

So, let's talk about what this thing can actually do (as far as we know).

(Btw, this is the part where I will shamelessly copy a lot straight from the DA wiki, because truth be told, I'm just a German struggling with limited vocabulary and I figured there's simply no way to summarize this any better than the wiki already has. 💀)

Just like any other red lyrium, we know that being exposed to the idol for too long will make you mad/paranoid/possessive/violent, while also grant you special powers, until overuse causes your body to be completely overtaken by red lyrium. It seems to thin the Veil wherever it is currently kept, allowing spirits or demons to interact with the physical world.

It also emanates a song that is slowly turning people who hear it insane.

The Song

"It sings… sick music." "It eats you inside until you're nothing." "It creeps into your thoughts, humming." "They hear a different song. The song behind the door old whispers want opened. They are dead and dark and done." "Songs screaming far away. It wants to wake up but can't remember how."

(- Cole's comments about red lyrium/red templars)

After Bartrand took the idol and left Varric and Hawke to die in the primeval Thaig, he started hearing voices, claiming the idol was "singing" to him. Even after selling it, Bartrand could still hear the idol and was eventually driven mad by its red lyrium.

Three years later, it is discovered that Bartrand had chipped a piece of the idol off and left it in his estate, which causes the house to behave like it was haunted and the Veil was torn.

Then during the "Haunted" quest, Varric himself remarks several times to hear music while walking through the estate, much like the Carta assassin in Tevinter Nights recalled to have heard "music in the wind, like some old song I heard as a kid but can't quite remember" when obtaining the idol from Meredith's corpse.

Important to mention here is that Varric seems to also be the only one in the party able to hear this song.

Varric: "Hey… is that music? Where is that coming from?" Hawke: "In don't hear anything." Varric: "Where is that singing coming from? You hear it, right, Hawke?" Varric: "Where is that voice coming from?" Hawke: "What voice?" Varric: "I can barely hear it… I wish I could make out the words."

Varric also told us that, after Bartrand went mad, he tortured his non-dwarven servants by cutting pieces off them to help them "hear the song".

(And remember, the idol was found in an ancient primeval Thaig in the Deep Roads, sitting on something like an altar, indicating that it was being worshiped by the ancient dwarves as well. Presumably because they too were being influenced by the idol's/red lyrium's song?)

Haunted

During the "Haunted" quest, we learn that the mere presence of a shard of the idol in the estate causes:

"Voices whispering in the walls"

Random objects moving on their own

Apparitions/screaming spirits appear running across the floors

When Varric picks up the piece of the idol, he starts to exhibit the same symptoms of madness Bartrand showed, at which point Hawke can either let Varric keep the piece, or can take it from him with the intent of having Sandal destroy it.

If Hawke asks Anders to diagnose Bartrand in Act 2, he suspects a demon at work, however Bartrand is a dwarf. Instead, he determines that "his mind has been poisoned by something powerful".

In Tevinter Nights, the Carta assassin recalls that, in the attempt to retrieve the idol from Meredith's corpse, most of his colleagues fell shaking and whispering the closer they got to it.

Meredith

After Bartrand sold the idol to Meredith, she reshapes it into her sword Certainty, which does eventually drive her insane as well. It also gives her unnatural powers, such as the ability to animate the statues in the Gallows, and even limited flight capabilities.

(My question is though, were the things happening in that final fight directly caused by the idol or was this just the result of the Veil being already weakened that much by the many terrible things that happened at that place/Kirkwall in general?)

Anyhow, during the final battle at the Gallows, Meredith overuses the lyrium sword, causing it to burst into dust and petrify her into a statue.

Though as we all know now, some part of Meredith seems to have survived somehow, as her… mind(?) or something was shown to now still "live" within the red lyrium somewhere in Kirkwall at the end of Absolution. She (or "it") also seems to have somewhat control over the red templars now, too.

So, how is this possible? What exactly is she now, if it even is herself and not just a manifestation/echo of her memories or something? Could it have something to do with the idol? No one really knows (and we might never find out, if Netflix won't give us a second season, anyway lol), but I do think it's curious how the idol is likely depicting Mythal's death, who didn't actually die either and lived on through the ages as a type of lingering "wisp" clinging to various hosts. 👀

I also want to point out how Solas did suspiciously include Meredith's petrified corpse in his mural in the 2020 teaser as well, placing her right under that ominous upside down figure with the tentacles.

Furthermore, just like Meredith, the idol also seems to be somewhat indestructable. lol After Meredith's sword burst into dust, it regrew inside her petrified corpse (which Solas was apparently also aware of). What's interesting is that it regenerated in Meredith's chest of all places. You know, like, where the heart is supposed to be? 👀

Then there's also this curious line from Anders, when talking about Varric acting strange after obtaining a shard of the idol:

"This thing's magic seems only more potent when broken."

I've mentioned it before, but with the spikes (or roots in DA2) at the bottom part of the idol making it look like it was ripped or broken off of something, you have to wonder if its current state is somewhat broken, even after regenerating.

"Hot-Blooded"

During the Haunted quest, Fenris will remark this:

"Whatever is here is angry."

In DAI, Cole repeatedly comments on how red lyrium feels "very angry" and how it is "less angry when it's cold". We know for a fact that red lyrium emanates a noticeable heat. A corrupted Bartrand is especially weak to cold/ice magic.

While anger is generally associated with heat, I find this aspect particularly interesting, given that red lyrium is tainted blood of a Titan.

And building on that, while still searching for further connections between red lyrium, the idol and Mythal… Remember how the ancient sarcophagus in the Blue Wraith and Dark Fortress comic was used in a ritual, in which lyrium combined with fire of a Great dragon carved lyrium infused markings into Fenris' and Shirallas' skin, granting them special powers.

Not only was this ancient sarcophagus specifically built only for elves, and its design resembling that of Mythal's statues…

…but here we have a case in which lyrium is purposefully "set on fire" by a Great dragon to create "elven super soldiers". Mythal is always depicted as a dragon. And she mined lyrium in humongous amounts.

Again, red lyrium emanates heat. If this was common practice in ancient times, then I feel like it's not surprising that a Titan would eventually be pretty damn angry in reaction to its blood being continuously burned for centuries [insert boiling blood joke here].

So, aside from the red lyrium being blighted, could there be a connection in Mythal burning the Titans' blood? As far as we know, it did take a couple of aeons in which Mythal (presumably) continued to mine (and burn?) the Titans' blood, before the ancient elves sealed the Deep Roads for good, because they discovered something… bad. As Solas himself declares in the vision described at the mural depicting a Titan's death:

"Let this place be forgotten. Let no one wake its anger." "The vision grows dark. An aeon seems to pass. Then the runes crackle, as if filled with an angry energy. A new vision appears: elves collapsing caverns, sealing the Deep Roads with stone and magic." "Terror, heart-pounding, ice-cold, as the last of the spells is cast."

And there it is again. That anger we're talking about. What's so interesting to me, is how this does sort of come full circle with Mythal and the idol after all, since the motivation behind Mythal's actions, even after thousands of years, remains her unwavering desire for vengeance upon the people who betrayed and murdered her, which, in a way, does mirror the same anger/heat that the Titan is emanating from its tainted blood.

And speaking of blood……

A Ritual Blade

In Tevinter Nights, we learned that the idol is able to produce a blade, which is then used as part of a blood magic ritual.

"The Tevinter mage was killing his slaves. […] He had cut the throat of one of them, and then another, catching the blood of his victims on the idol as he made his way around the circle. […] The Tevinter mage raised the idol before him, and I saw a spike of lyrium spring from the base of the idol, so that all at once, it was not merely an idol, but a ritual blade. He slashed his own hand, and a wave of power pulsed through the cavern. It was as though we were the blood, and the cavern was the body through which it flowed, and we fell, all of us, to the ground, our minds pulled into the raw chaos of the Fade by the power of his ritual."

In the end of the Dark Fortress comic, the idol produced another red lyrium sword, that could be fully detached and was then placed onto the before-mentioned sarcophagus, turning Shirallas into a raving beserker that was pretty much invincible as long as he was in possession of that same sword.

While the blue lyrium infused sword that was used in Fenris' ritual simply dissolved in the process, the sword produced by the idol could "regenerate" and was especially resistant to Great dragon fire.

"Unlike the lyrium-infused swords of the so-called Arcane warriors, this sword should survive the ritual."

In the final fight against him, Marquette comments on how Shirallas "feeds energy to the sword from the red lyrium in his veins" and how in turn "the sword heals his wounds".

So in both the comic and Tevinter Nights, the idol/the weapon produced from the idol seems to draw power specifically from the blood of its wielder. It makes me wonder if it was initially intended to be used this way, since we have to remember that it still presumably belongs to Solas, who claims to not practice blood magic, because it seems to make it more difficult to enter the Fade.

Which is ironic, given what the mage in Tevinter Nights did to disrupt the Fade, but also how the Magisters Sidereal used a massive blood ritual to enter the Fade physically.

And oddly enough, in your first conversation with Solas about blood magic, he makes this curious analogy with daggers as an example…

Inquisitor: Every time I've seen blood magic used, it has been for some evil purpose. Solas: I once saw a woman being stabbed in the stomach with a dagger. She died slowly, in angony. It was repulsive. If the Chantry outlawed daggers, would that stop the people from using it? Of course not. […]" Inquisitor: "You don't need to sacrifice a slave's life to make a dagger." Solas: "I suppose it depends upon the dagger."

So… Could Solas be referencing Mythal's death here? Or what if the dagger here is referring to the idol in its blade form? What the heck does he mean by "I suppose it depends upon the dagger"? Was a slave's life sacrificed to create the idol maybe?

But if blood magic wasn't the sole purpose for why it was made, then what else could the idol as a ritual blade be used for?

Which brings us to…

Dalish mythology

According to Dalish legends, Fen'Harel told the Creators and the Forgotten Ones that the Avvar had forged a "terrible weapon", a blade that would end the war between both clans of gods. He told the Creators that it was forged in the heavens, while the Forgotten Ones were told that it was hidden in the Abyss. And when the gods went seeking it, Fen'Harel sealed them both in their realms forever.

Okay. So, let's just assume for a second that the blade in this legend was actually the idol in its blade form. Because hell, what are the odds of having two "super powerful ancient blades that belong to Solas"? lol

If they are in fact the same weapon and the part about Solas tricking the gods is true, why were the Evanuris and the Forgotten Ones so eager to get this thing, to the point that they would fell into a trap?

And with this, I'd also like to point out the level design in the scene in which Flemeth takes Kieran's Old God soul in the Fade. I can't help but feel like the statue of Dirthamen being stabbed in the back with a sword, crying a stream of blood, resulting in a huge pool of blood, as well as a bloody ouroboros symbol on the ground, is a very deliberate design choice. Especially considering the context of this scene with the revelation about Flemeth and Mythal, I'd argue this is all in reference to how Mythal was betrayed and murdered.

Again, the idol could depict Mythal in her moment of death. In the final fresco in the rotunda, the one Solas never finished before leaving the Inquisition, we see a wolf looming over a dragon slain by a blade.

In the last visual of the 2022 cinematic that, going by Varric's narration, could potentially depict the destruction of the Veil, Solas appears to hold something that resembles a blade with a very destinct handle. Additionally, we've since discovered an icon hidden on the Steam page of DA4, that shows a dagger with an identical shape and the same glowy purple as the Dreadwolf title.

So we have the idol in its blade form, the blade Mythal was potentially slain with, the blade Solas is holding in the 2022 cinematic, Solas mentioning a dagger in relation to blood magic and Fen'Harel's blade in Dalish legends.

That's a lot of blades... and a lot of blood. lol

The Hunt of the Fell Wolf

"The Hunt of the Fell Wolf" is the title of a poem that can be found in the Jaws of Hakkon DLC. It tells a story of former Inquisitor Ameridan, his friend Haron and their fight against a demon wolf.

Along with numerous odd things in this tale that could be interpreted as some kind of metaphor (or just the devs messing with us, if you want to know more, please check out this post), it also mentions an "idol of fade-touched stone" in connection to the demon wolf.

The wounded knight in darkness Found within the cavern’s gloom An idol of fade-touched stone, Which could prove the monster’s doom.

In the poem, after a grim fight, the wolf takes Ameridan's friend Haron to its lair, a "labyrinth of winding cave" (which many believe is referring to the Deep Roads, just like the ancient Thaig in DA2 where Hawke and Varric found the red lyrium idol originally) where Haron, oddly enough, also happens to find an idol. What's intruiging though, is that this idol seems to be connected to the wolf in such a way that he can only be defeated if both him and the idol are destroyed and struck down at the same time.

With burning blade, Ameridan And monster met again Whilst elsewhere did Haron valiantly With demon-wards contend.

As demon-stone was shattered, Ameridan struck true: Beast and spirit—both felled at once, Though neither hunter knew.

"Beast and spirit—both felled at once"

Two entities that are connected across two different places… as in the physical body and the spirit maybe?

As in the waking world and the Fade?

So, let's reiterate.

The red lyrium idol belongs to the Dread Wolf. Cole remarks how he can feel that Solas is "in both places". The word "Dread Wolf" itself is an anagram for "World" and "Fade". We've talked about the popular spirit origin theory before, Solas taking a physical form against his will because of Mythal. The whole matter of Solas' "true name" before he called himself Pride. Solas' entire personal quest, which may or may not mirror his own past, a spirit of Wisdom being denied its original purpose, turning into a pride demon ("He wants to give wisdom not orders"). His strange remarks at the end of Cole's personal quest ("We cannot change our nature by wishing"). The fact that Solas makes Cole forget about his true identity, just like spirit!Cole does. The visual portrayal of Solas "consuming" Flemeth's powers at the end of DAI. The way in which Solas doesn't recognize anyone in the waking world as "people", but will vehemently debate you on why spirits should be considered people.

"But the People… They need me." (- Solas to Flemeth at the end of DAI) "Never again." (- Solas after burning the mages who were responsible for Wisdom's corruption) "From this moment, should you ever bind a spirit, your life is mine." (- the Dread Wolf's final warning to the mages in Tevinter Nights)

All of this considered, what could the poem in JOH imply for the connection between Solas and the Dread Wolf/the Dread Wolf and the idol?

"They made bodies from the Earth, and the Earth was afraid. It fought back, but they made it forget."

One theory assumes that the creation of the Veil lead to the separation of the ancient elves' bodies and their souls/spirits, assuming that before the creation of the Veil, the Evanuris somehow made bodies from the Titans/lyrium for spirits to manifest and then enslaved/bound them to their will by marking those bodies with their vallaslin.

But if that's true, then what happened to Solas when he created the Veil?

"He broke the dreams to stop the old dreams from waking. The wolf chews its leg off to escape the trap."

In all the murals, tarot cards and illustrations, the Dread Wolf and Solas are always depicted separately.

What really IS the Dread Wolf? And what is he to Solas?

"It was a beast unlike any I had ever seen. Lupine in appearance, but the size of a high dragon, with shaggy spiked hide and six burning eyes like a pride demon, and it came to us on wings of fire that resolved themselves into a horde of lesser demons."

From what little we know of the Dread Wolf himself, he only seems to exist within the Fade (that is to say, before the Veil, Solas was already depicted as a wolf, presumably even before his rebellion and before the Evanuris "bestowed" him with the title "Fen'Harel"). In the Mortalitasi's tale in Tevinter Nights, his army of spirits follows the mages back to the waking world, yet the Dread Wolf himself remains in the Fade. In one of the frescoes in the rotunda, Solas portrays the Black City surrounded by the six burning red eyes that resemble those of the Dread Wolf, almost like he's keeping watch over the eternal prison of those he banished. In the Tower tarot card, the Dread Wolf is ominously looming over Solas, almost like it's about to consume him, while in one of the Trespasser murals, it looks more like the Dread Wolf follows his lead. And then there's the DA4 2018 teaser mural, in which they're opposing each other, only seperated by the red lyrium idol in the center of the Veil.

If the red lyrium idol is connected to Solas like the idol in the poem is connected to the wolf, could this be part of the reason Solas is so desperate to find it? Does it possess some kind of spirit? Can the Dread Wolf only be defeated if the idol is destroyed at the same time, just like in the poem?

Where is it now?

So where's the damn thing now?

Well, in my opinion, there are two options.

Option 1) The bard's tale in Tevinter Nights was complete bullshit. lol

Despite Solas trying to convince us that he already obtained the idol in a vault some time ago under an auction house in Llomerryn, it's possible that, much like his whole charade in that chapter, this tale was also entirely fabricated. lol

To make it short, here is a list of arguments for why the "bard's tale" could've been a complete lie:

Solas attended this spy meeting specifically for information on the idol's whereabouts (because he doesn't actually know where it is currently?).

Everything until the last two pages was an act.

Both the Mortalitasi and the Carta Assassin point out several contradictions within his tale.

Upon hearing the other spies assuming that he needs the idol, it would just make sense that he would want them/Charter to believe that he’s now in possession of the idol and “cannot be stopped”, so that they would drop all effort to find it before him.

On the very last page of the book, there's a lists of bullet points of information when Charter is about to write down her report, and it does not explicitly say “He has the idol” but rather just what it looks like, which suggests that Charter didn’t buy his story either.

So if this was all lies, the last known location of the idol would therefore be the unknown person who took it when escaping from the Dread Wolf's spirit army in the Grand Necropolis in the tale of the Mortalitasi.

Meaning that Solas would therefore still be searching for it now. (Which would actually be kind of hilarious, considering how there's likely gonna be a ten year timeskip since DAI, so he would've been searching for the flippin thing for the better part of a decade now. 😂 We know from the end of the Blue Wraith comics that he had followed the idol's path via eluvian, but maybe he just lost track of it at some point? In fact, the last we heard from him, Solas was apparently busy pursuing some Venatori people to get another ancient artifact called the Crucious Stone in the The Missing comic, much like he prevented the Tevinter mage in Nevarra from using his idol. Solas after ten years of searching for the idol was probably like "Oh fuck it, I give up, on to McGuffin Nr 2 then". lmao)

In an interview with the comic writers Nunzio DeFilippis and Christina Weir, they talked about how in their initial draft of Dark Fortress, Solas actually *got* the idol(!!) from two of his agents by using the eluvian located at Nenealeus' place before BioWare stepped in and requested a change. 👀 That version would've explained how Solas was able to track the idol through the eluvian we see at the end. Their own interpretation was that Solas can only overlook a certain radius within the area of where another eluvian is located. Which would actually support the assumption that Solas might've lost track of the idol at some point after Nenealeus left the place… but that's just their interpretation and not official BioWare canon (yet), sooo…. Hm.

Option 2) Solas has the idol now.

So let's assume that the part about him obtaining the idol in Tevinter Nights was actually true and it's now in his possession.

Aside from this, the only thing that could speak for Solas already having the idol in the beginning of DA4, is once again the final visual in the 2022 cinematic.

If this cinematic is in fact playing at the beginning of the game as a general re-introduction to the lore and the last visual is depicting Solas in the middle of destroying the Veil using the idol, then.. well yeah, there it is, in his hand…. at least, for now. Making Solas succeed in the first 10 minutes, I guess? lol

……Unless!

See, a few years ago, I speculated about how the idol might actually be the perfect plot device/motivation for our new protagonist to get involved in the whole Solas deal without even knowing who he is.

Let's say the last visual in the 2022 cinematic is actually showing us a hypothetical scenario, and not something that has already happened/is currently happening. Like, Varric gives this expository narration explaining who Solas is and what might happen if we don't succeed in getting the idol. (Notice how Varric says "And we're the only ones who can stop him" at the end… Like there's still a chance to stop him before this actually happens.) We know from Tevinter Nights that Charter knows that Solas needs the idol for whatever ritual he's planning. And Charter obviously informed the Inquisition/Varric about this as well. So the next logical step for the Inquisition now would be to obtain the idol (whether or not the bard's tale in TN was true) to prevent this ritual at any cost, right?

The comic The Missing re-emphasized that Varric is now in charge of getting people that Solas doesn't know. And this might be where the new protagonist gets recruited by Varric (who is still a spymaster after all) and gets assigned the alias "Rook" for a heist mission to obtain the idol. (And after a very thorough observation of the DA4 reddit leaks from 2023… it looks like Rook might've actually succeeded in this potential quest?)

While we don't know when the stuff in the leaks actually takes place within DA4's storyline, I think it's safe to say that Rook will obtain the idol at some point in the story and that it will play a pivotal role, if the blurb on the Steam page for DA4 is to be believed. lol

As well as what could likely end up being the game's icon, found on the Steam page.

And again, remember how in the Hunt of the Fell Wolf poem, it seemed like Ameridan struck the wolf’s body in the waking world, while his friend Haron killed the spirit (inside the idol?) in the Fade. What could this imply for DA4 then, if we are applying the role of Ameridan, Haron and the wolf in this tale to the Inquisitor, Rook and Solas?? 👀 Is this how we can stop him? The Inquisitor confronts Solas in the waking world, while Rook has to destroy the idol/fight the Dread Wolf in the Fade?

Or could it just be a metaphor for the Inquisitor in DA4 keeping Solas occupied to distract him from Rook, while they can figure out another secret way to deal with him/how to get/destroy the idol?

See, the thing is, we have to remember that this is after all, a video game. lol Meaning that, if our protagonist gets to carry around a powerful ancient artifact/weapon, I would assume that this has to be somehow implemented in the gameplay as well. What we can take from the short footage of the 2023 reddit leak, is that Rook might carry the idol (if it really IS the same thing) while still fighting with their own main weapon in combat. So, what if the idol serves as more of a special power tool outside of combat, for example, like the anchor did in DAI, where it can only be used for special occasions? Let's say, the idol in its blade form can't be used in battle but is able to "split" the Veil or reality, like the anchor was able to open and close rifts? Or, if we assume that the idol is something like an ancient phylactery (which btw is my favorite theory and I will talk about in my second post), maybe it can be used as some kind of "tracking device"? Actually, I'm super curious to learn how Rook is even able to carry it like this in the first place, since we know what kind of effect it usually has on people. lol

~~~~~

Anyway, I'll make a hard cut here now and save the rest of this behemoth of a post for a second separate post (because I also just realized that tumblr doesn't let me add any more images 😂💀), so if any of you actually made it this far... thank you for being just as crazy as me about this and I will post the second part shortly after. lol ❤

[jusmango-shake]

(platonic) hug with donnie? like the two of you are good friends IDK thank you :)

🥭: I uh didn't know which Donnie you meant, so I js chose 2012 if that's alright? I hope you enjoy it though! Sorry for it being so short btw.

12!Donnie x Reader/p

Fictype: Normal

Mood: fluff (comfort?)

Warnings: nnone that I can think of. 👍

Donnie walked out of the living room with a huff, the sound of his brother's laughter only fueling his frustration.

He angrily wiped at his eyes, feeling the familiar building up of tears. He didn't know why he didn't just go back to the lab or his room, it was like he was on autopilot at this point.

He beelined straight to your home, jumping from building to building and roof to roof. He climbed one of the pipes, grumbling about his brothers until he made it to your window.

Once he recognised the curtains in your favourite colour, he held the pipe right with one hand and knocked with his free one.

He relaxed as he heard the familiar shuffling of steps on the other side, watching as the curtains slid revealing you behind the window.

Donnie watched as you scrambled to open the locked window, it wasn't usual for him to come to your house unless it was an emergency. Especially in broad daylight.

Once the window slid open, he carefully got inside.

You scanned his body for any possible injuries or reason he might be here. He would've looked completely normal if it wasn't for the somber look on his face.

“D? What brings you here?” you asked him worriedly, it unnerved you to see Donnie so.. dejected.

He chuckled nervously, Donnie didn't even know himself.

"Why? You don't want me here?"

“Very funny, Don. You don't usually come here unless you need help.” you looked at the seemingly guilty turtle mutant.

"m sorry if I bothered you, I just— wanted to get away from the lair for a bit." he fiddled with his fingers, embarrassed to tell you the real reason. "Is it so wrong to wanna hang out with my bestest buddy in the entire world..?"

“just tell me the real reason, D.”

You sighed, Donnie was good at a lot of things. Lying? Not one of em.

“If you wanted to hang out with me, you coulda just messaged me instead of coming all the way up here” You eyed him.

Donnie let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, the ends of his lips slightly down turned into a frown.

“is this about your brothers?”

He perked up at that question, his head slightly tilted as he looked at you.

"..how do you know?"

“i've been to the lair enough times to know they don't take you very seriously sometimes.” you shrugged. “especially when you're rambling.”

He let his gaze drift over to the floor, his shoulders sagging slightly.

“c'mere DonTron, I prescribe you with a hug. we don't have to talk if you don't want to talk.” you walked over to the turtle, embracing him.

Donnie tensed up, though not for long as he reciprocated and hugged back. Sighing through his nose as he eased into the hug.

"Thanks [Name], you always know what to say."

You snorted “i actually guessed the reason why, but sure, I'll take the free compliment.”

[entitled-fangirl]

Two idiots in love. (P11)

Joel Miller x anemic!reader

Summary: Joel finds his way to the town. Y/N is determined to do anything to keep Ellie safe.

Warnings: blood, death, acts of murder, attempted rape

BIG TRIGGER WARNING

Masterlist

Part 1 and 12

........................................................

The sound of the cage door opening woke up the girls.

Y/N was still exhausted, so she rubbed at her eyes in a hurry to try to wake herself up.

David and James stepped past her and picked up Ellie.

Ellie began to scream, which made Y/N's blood run cold.

"W…Hey, What are you doing?" She asked as she stood up on her feet.

When James began to pull Ellie out of the cell, Y/N immediately moved towards them to help the girl.

But David stopped her by wrapping his arms around her from behind, "Hey." He cooed in her ear, "It will all be okay."

"No," she shook her head, "NO! STOP! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HER!"

James pulled Ellie onto the butcher table outside of the cell, and David locked Y/N back in, keeping her from interfering.

Ellie's screams were driving Y/N crazy.

She pushed herself against the bars, "STOP! PLEASE… ELLIE!"

David brought the cleaver up in his hand.

"Don't!" Ellie cried, "I'M INFECTED!"

He slammed the cleaver down by her head, making Y/N flinch.

"And now," Ellie remarked, "So are you."

Only then did David notice the bite mark in his hand.

While he was distracted, Ellie took the cleaver and sunk it into James' neck.

"RUN ELLIE!"

She didn't need to be told twice.

Ellie bolted out of the door and didn't look back.

David turned back to Y/N. "You… you little whore."

She backed away from the bars. "I didn't… you said… 'everything happens for a reason'… didn't you?"

He growled and unlocked the cage.

A panicking feeling settled into Y/N's stomach.

"You're gonna fucking listen to me now, aren't you?" David taunted as he stood in the doorway of the cage.

Y/N couldn't breathe.

He flinched towards her to scare her.

She jumped back and tripped, now sitting on the floor in a panicking mess. "Don't… you don't have to do this…."

He smiled as he kneeled down to her level. His hand grabbed one of her ankles gently and he pulled her towards him, "Oh, you sweet girl. Are you gonna be good for me?"

Sweet girl.

She let out a shuddered breath at the name. 

She missed Joel.

She felt David run his hand up her leg.

"D...Don't…"

"Why not?"

She looked into his eyes. Though she was terrified, she knew she could at least try to get him to leave her alone. Her voice was a quiet tone, "If he's out there… then he's hunting you down… and he won't stop until he gets what he wants."

David scoffed, "And what does he want, Y/N?"

"Well… it…depends on where you keep moving your hand… stop now, and… he might let you keep all of your fingers…" 

…

Ellie sprinted through the snow.

She had to find Joel.

But she couldn't leave Y/N behind.

She wasn't sure what to do.

Luckily, Joel had already started his rescue mission, and was in the tree line.

He saw Ellie run out of the building, and walked out to get her. "Ellie…" his soft voice carried in the cold air.

She cried when she saw him.

She ran to him and hugged his torso with all of her strength, "I tried… but… they… they were… gonna kill me…"

"I know, Ellie. I know. I saw the shed," Joel cooed as he rubbed her back softly. "Where is Y/N? Is she alright?"

Ellie shook her head, "She's still there… and D…David… he's trying… he…"

"Slow down. What did he say?"

"He said… he was gonna train… Y/N like… like a dog to its master…"

All of Joel's comforting tone and movements were gone. "He said… what?"

Ellie shook her head, not wanting to repeat her words.

But Joel didn't really need to hear them again. He had heard enough.

His deadly demeanor returned, and he turned into the merciless killer again.

"Where is she?" He asked coldly.

…

Y/N had managed to kick David in the face, but she wasn't quick enough to move.

When she had tried to get up, he pushed her down again, this time, straddling her on the cold tile.

"You…you're a monster!" Y/N cried out.

David smirked, "You don't know how good I am. What I can give you…"

She tried to push his chest to get away, but it was in vain, "No… you have nothing…"

"I've decided to take the place of your  husband, Y/N. And I'm gonna teach you. I'm gonna show you what love is like."

His hand moved to the button on her jeans.

"No.. stop…" she cried. Her voice was desperate and soft, unlike the usual confidence and sarcasm she always had.

She told herself that she'd never let something like this happen. She'd fight. She'd kill them.

But now? She couldn't bring herself to do anything.

Where was Joel? 

He wouldn't let this happen. He would snap David's neck. 

She can't go down without a fight.

So, she began to struggle against his grip. 

"Oh good," David grinned, "The fighting is the part I like the most."

She cried out in grunts, trying to do anything to overpower the man. Or at least to try to escape.

But her jeans were now around her ankles, and she was losing strength.

Her lungs were killing her.

Black dots clouded her vision.

She can't pass out now.

"Don't be afraid," David cooed into her ear. "'There is no fear in love.'"

With what little strength she had left, she reached at his waist and pulled out his keyring. 

She let out a final grunt.

And shoved one of the keys into one of  the man's eye sockets.

He screamed and backed away as he covered his eye.

She won't forget the sight.

She began to crawl away, gaining a little strength in knowing she could escape.

If only she were so lucky.

David grabbed her leg once again.

On instinct, Y/N kicked at him again.

And kicked the key further into the man's head, hitting his brain.

David fell back in a slump as his blood began to leak on the floor.

Y/N sat up and viewed what she had done.

And let out a strained cry.

She was so tired and scared. She didn't know what to do.

And the black dots had returned to her vision.

She tried to crawl away but she didn't make it far before the darkness clouded her vision completely.

…

"H..Here. In here." Ellie pointed.

Joel shrugged off his backpack, handing it to her. "You're gonna stay out here. And if I don't come back, you're gonna leave."

"No, I-"

"Do. It." Joel commanded.

Ellie nodded.

Joel opened the door with a loud creak.

He stepped in with his handgun ready.

But he was nowhere near ready for the sight in front of him.

Y/N was passed out in the cage, half-dressed.

David's dead body laid next to her.

The preacher's blood stained the flannel Joel had given the woman only days before.

"F…Fuck." Joel muttered in a panic.

He grabbed her jeans and kneeled next to her. "Y/N?"

She was breathing, and that alone was enough to make Joel relax.

But she wasn't gonna wake up anytime soon.

He sighed and began to dress the woman again, noting how even in her sleep, she was shivering.

Once dressed, Joel shrugged off his own coat and wrapped it around her to keep her warm before picking her up with a grunt.

How could he let this happen?

He pulled her as close to his body as possible and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You're safe, sweet girl... I gotcha. I gotcha..."

He wasn't going to fail her again.

He stepped out of the building, relieved that he had recovered his most priced possession.

.............................................................

Tags: @lover-of-books-and-tea, @pedropascalfan221, @lottieellz101, @bambisweethearts, @hiroikegawa, @elliaze, @littleshadow17, @n7cje, @ashleyfilm, @darling-imobsessed

[rr311]

❝ 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 ! ❞ －𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐬. 𝐠𝐢𝐲𝐮 𝐭. 𝐮𝐳𝐮𝐢 𝐭. 𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐤𝐮 𝐬.

⇨⚠︎︎ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 !¡⚠︎︎⇦ fluff, angst, crying, softie sanemiiii, black!reader, hashira!reader

𝐀𝐍. this is i think the third post that’s long? This one is over 5K words..i’m really spoiling the fuck outta y’all 😒 but all jokes aside i hope y’all enjoyyy, and the update for the two requests i receive im writing them right now, i’m sorry for making you guys wait 😞 but trust they’re almost done !

- 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈

At first he thought he was hallucinating, he thought he was going crazy. but..he could only know one person with those familiar orbs. it was you, it’s been 12 years since he last seen you and out of the blue you were here being introduced as a new Hashira. It was unbelievable, he was still in denial thinking it was someone else. Anyone else but when he heard your soft tone..the same tone he would always hear when bickering as kids echoed through his ears he felt his heart race. That same smile..same glint in your eyes..it was you, after so long he gets to see you again.

But.

Why we’re you here? What are you even doing here? You weren’t supposed to be here you weren’t supposed to be a Demon Slayer. He told you specifically to not put yourself into danger. you guys even made a promise. but..here you are. In the flesh after 12 years, when he saw you introduce yourself to everyone and when it finally came to him he saw how you froze in place with wide eyes. You both stood there staring at each other, you in disbelief looking for what to say, he was there he was right in front of you. after so long. he looked so different…his hair grew a tad bit longer, gotten more scars, grew into his face…you were nervous. What do you say? Do you say hi? Do uoi act like i don’t know him? You were shocked. He looked so imitating you couldn’t get a word out. instead you simply cleared your throat moving your gaze to someone else with a fake smile “i’m so screwed.”

.

.

It’s been a couple of days since you gotten introduced as the new Hashira and unexpectedly you made friends very quickly with everyone. They were so kind and gentle with you, despite the friendships that were starting to evolve there was just one thing bothering you. it was him. Sanemi. You knew he was mad at you for practically breaking the promise you guys made with each other but you couldn’t help it, you wanted to be useful to something, seeing your village get raided by demons damn near every month you couldn’t take it anymore. the deaths, the constant ptsd your people got..you became a Demon Slayer to help your people. unexpectedly you climbed the ranks very fast which resulted to this. you didn’t expect to see him after so long, you were happy, excited! but seeing how he reacted a few days ago made you overthink.

Anytime you would walk passed him, or make eye contact he would always turn his gaze away from you going towards his estate with a scowl and furrowed eyebrows leaving you there with overthinking thoughts.

That night you groaned as you were laid in your futon staring at the ceiling deep in thought, thinking about him..he was just clouding your mind. It was all about him..you missed him so bad it’s been too fucking long without him and seeing him glare at you instead of being happy broke your heart a little. You even wondered if he missed you as much as you missed him?, the more you thought about those moments the more tears pricked in the corner of your eyes, you hadn’t realize you were crying till you felt them run down your cheek to your neck. You blinked as you brought your hand to your face wiping them away sniffling.

You scoffed to yourself feeling more spill onto your cheeks, soon enough you started crying to yourself as you thought about all the memories with him. A few minutes passed by and you were still crying only for it to get interrupted hearing a knock, “(Y/N)?” It was Genya, you looked up with a blurry vision staring at your door quickly wiping away your tears or trying to at least shouting, “Come in!” Genya softly opened your door peaking his head in to spot you sitting on your futon, he smiled seeing you were up but was quick to turn into a frown looking at you, you raised a brow at the reaction “What?” You questioned and he scoffed, “What do you mean what, you know what. You’ve been crying haven’t you?” Ahh..you bit your lip looking away sadly sighing, “Was i obvious?” You questioned and he nodded his head, “what happened (Y/N)? did someone hurt you? Do i have to kick their ass?” He asked with a protective tone walking towards you as you chuckled shaking your head, “I don’t think you can kick your brothers ass now can you?” Genya froze a little but sighed, “So this is about my brother huh?” You nodded your head, “Indeed it is.”

Genya furrowed his eyebrows seeing how sad you got after answering his question, what the hell did he do? “What happened?” As soon as he said that you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes but quickly wiped them away clearing your throat, “It’s just..I-..do you think he hates me? I mean when i was introduced as the new pillar he glared at me at the meeting and after that he completely ignored me..like i don’t even exist to him. i know i messed up by breaking our promise but fuck Genya it hurts! It’s been 12 years since i’ve last seen him, everyday i thought about him and when i would see him again..i missed him so fucking bad and it seems he hasn’t missed me but it’s whatever i’ll get over it.” You tried brushing off but Genya shook his head scoffing at the conclusion, “Idiot don’t be stupid, of course he missed you. He couldn’t go a day without praying to see you again, trust me (Y/N) he missed you as much as you missed him. He’s just being a dumbass right now, he’s in shock because you followed in his footsteps when you promised you wouldn’t. Listen (Y/N),” He paused taking a sigh, “You should talk to him, it’s the least you could do.”

You clenched your pj bottoms nodding your head slow, he was right..he was completely right. Talking to him was the best option right now, you walked through the night of headquarters making your way towards the pillars estate nervous as your foot steps got louder and louder same with your heart beat getting closer to the door. You fidgeted with your fingers walking up to his door stopping, you breathed in and out raising your fist into the air pausing for a moment before finally connecting your fist with the wooden door, from a distance you heard some stuff being moved around and heavy stomps coming towards the door soon watching it slide open revealing a pissed off Sanemi, “What the hell do you wa-“ He paused looking down to see who it was, you stood there uncomfortably staring into his eyes as he stared into yours with surprise, you moved your gaze away from him clearing your throat.

“Uhm..can we talk?”

…

…

It was so awkward you could hear a pen drop. You were stood up while he was sat in one of the chairs keeping his stare on you. Fuck this is so scary when the hell did he get so tall and fucking hot?! You opened your mouth to say something but got cut off, “Why’re you here, (Y/N).” He said with a stern voice, you looked up to finally make contact with him, trying to get something out but nothing was said. He scoffed standing up from his chair making it screech against the floor, “I’ll ask again. What the hell are you doing here.” Hearing a small snarl in his tone made everything switch inside you, you clenched your fists together crossing your arms together, “Listen i’m not here to argue okay? I came to talk.. to apologize to you..Sanemi i broke our promise and i’m really fucking sorry but you have to trust when i say this i did this for a good reason.” You tried to explain but Sanemi rolled his eyes clicking his tounge in annoyance. “Good reason?, what’s this good reason you have? Because i’m pretty sure we made that promise for a good reason too but i guess that wasn’t a good reason for you now was it?” He growled, this was slowly starting to tick you off the more you heard attitude and venom coming from his tone. You furrowed your eyebrows, “I said i was sorry okay?! What more else do you want me to say Sanemi? It’s been 12 years since the promise why can’t you just let it go?!”

Let it go?

“You want me to let that go? How can i possibly let that shit go when you promised me you wouldn’t join the corp and put yourself into danger?!” He shouted now feeling his face start to go hot, walking towards your frame as you continued to glare at him slightly backing up, “Cant you see why i can never let that go? Because i can’t see another person who means too fucking much to me die again!.?Do you really think i want that to happen? That day when you were on the edge of death scared me, i was afraid of losing my best friend..the love of my life.” He clenched his fist, backing you up into the wall staring into your eyes as you stared back at him with a shocked face, “That’s the reason why i made that promise. For you to promise to never put yourself in harms way, that’s why i can never let that go, not now not ever.” He whispered hovering his lips over yours feeling butterflies flutter through your stomach, you looked into his eyes to see various of emotions float through them,

Sadness.

Anger.

Regret.

You opened your mouth to speak, “Sanemi I-“ You got interrupted by him, “Please, please don’t die, please don’t leave me.” He whispered, your eyes soften as you placed your hand on his cheek, he just like the same little boy from years ago. He still had that soft side and it was only for you, “I love you so fucking much, i’m sorry for ignoring you, i’m sorry for not speaking to you, i’m s-“ You placed your lips ontop of his instantly shutting him up feeling him soften against you. You smiled in between the kiss moving in sync with him, for a few more seconds you pulled away softly smiling, “Don’t apologize idiot, it’s okay and i understand. I promise you this..i will never leave you.”

“Not ever, not again.”

- 𝐆𝐈𝐘𝐔

He was shocked.

There was no way you were alive..there was no way you survived the final selection. His eyes were widened as he stared at you greeting everyone, what had happened for the past years? and how did u become a Hashira? Every thing was floating through his mind with questions and concerns, he had thought you died that night with Sabito but apparently you survived..you were introduced as the moon Hashira, the tenth for the Demon Slayer corp. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know if he should interrupt or should just wait but his body wouldn’t let him move. He was frozen in place as his stare was placed on you, you grew so much from when you and him were kids, you’ve grown into a women. An attractive women at that, he wasn’t even gonna lie that you’ve grown cuter, he clenched his Kamodo thinking of what to do.

He watched as you greeted Uzui who had a sly grin on his face as he talked to you, the way the taller male was just gazing at you was making him jealous. He didn’t realize he was glaring at the sound Hashira till Uzui felt a stare in him shooting his head up to see who it was from to catch Tomioka glaring at him, taking you by surprise you followed along with his gaze turning around to see Tomioka glaring at you both. You felt your breath hitched as you finally noticed him, he was right there and i didn’t even realize!? Shit should i say hi? What the hell do i do?! Think (Y/N) think.. Tomioka saw how your eyes widened spotting him standing afar from everyone, he grunted to himself quick to tare his eyes away from the both of you looking ahead not paying anymore mind to you and Uzui.

You couldn’t help but slightly giggle at the flustered reaction seeing how his cheeks were slightly red from embarrassment. You sighed turning your gaze back to Uzui who had a raised brow, “Do you perhaps know him?” He questioned, and you nodded your head, “Yep..me and him actually grew up together. You could say we’re childhood friends.” You answered watching Uzui nod his head in response. You and the other continued the Hashira meeting as planned listening to masters orders, once the meeting came to an conclusion you saw how quick Tomioka got up to walk away, but instead you were also quick to walk towards him taking his hand into yours walking towards a quiet place in the garden.

Tomioka looked at your guys hands with a small blush but let it happen following wherever you were taking them. After two minutes or so you led him to the nice part of the garden where there were blossom trees and a nice field of flowers, you dragged him to a patch of grass sitting on top of it as you patted next to you, “Sit.” You said softly watching as he looked confused but obeyed sitting next to you, you smiled in response, “Hi Tomi.” Tomi the childish nickname you made for him when you two were just little kids running around a garden, he felt his heart flutter hearing his nickname after so long avoiding your gaze looking towards the floor, he didn’t know how to start off the convo but he knew one thing was..

How the hell are you still here right now?

He cleared his throat, “Ho..how are you still-“

“Alive?” You finished turning your head back to him seeing his nod slowly, you softly sighed to yourself starting to anxious now. You knew he was gonna ask you this the moment you saw him staring at you with wide eyes but you never prepared how you were gonna explain it to him, Tomioka saw how you were getting anxious by how you were zoning out. He clenched his uniform pants before placing on his hands on your lap with his hand open, you looked down at his hand then back up him who just stared at you with a soft gaze, your heart fluttered a little remembering the soft gesture he would do whenever you were nervous. You took his hand into yours interlocking your guys hands together as you used your other hand to play with his finger tips, you breathed in and out before starting, “After Sabito died..i was targeted next by him, i’m pretty sure you remember that night yeah?” You asked, he nodded his head. “When you had thought i died i was only badly injured but i was still breathing. i survived the seven days which qualified me for passing the final election, everything was a blur when i woke up at the butterfly mansion. When they said i had passed i couldn’t believe it, i thought i was a goner..” You finished, Tomioka looked at you with widen eyes, he couldn’t believe it also.

That night he thought he had lost you, he was so miserable when making his way to the top. He doesn’t deserve to be the water Hashira..that title should’ve went to you not him, you saw how his gaze saddened making your breath hitch. You knew exactly what he was thinking, you let go of his hand to place them on his face, “Tomioka i know that look very well stop it. It’s not your fault for what happened that night, okay?” He couldn’t help but let his eyes water, every emotion was coming at him fast he couldn’t help but let the tears spill, you softly smiled using your thumb to wipe away the tear, “Don’t cry my love, i’m here aren’t i? I’m alive and i’m doing well, i’m finally with you like we promised and i know Sabito is watching over the both of us.” Tears were also welling up in your eyes as you tried to keep it together, Tomioka tried opening his mouth to speak but gasped feeling warm lips in his. His eyes widened for a second but soon fluttered closed leaning more into the kiss you two shared, it was so soft and gentle he felt like he was in heaven.

You hummed lowly in the kiss before pulling back leaning your foreheads together staring into his glossy blue eyes. “I’m never leaving you till death due us part.” He stared at you for a moment to take in your words soon smiling leaning more into your touch. “I love you so much..” You whispered watching as a blush formed on his cheeks,

“I love you too..”

- 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐎𝐊𝐔

He was lost of words.

When he seen you in front of everyone with rope ties behind your hands with bruises and marks on your body he didn’t know how to react. That possibly couldn’t be you right? But it was you..he only knew one person with those beautiful (E/C) orbs and that was you. What were you doing here? And why are you tied up like that?

You felt the Kakushi from behind you push your head to the rubble ground, hissing in pain snarling as you groaned at the harsh impact, “Show some respect!” You breathed heavy as you clenched your fists together feeling your blood start to go hot, who the hell did this guy think he is? Right alongside you, Kyojuro felt his mood start to change when seeing that, he no longer had a smile on his face but a scowl planted, he clenched his uniform pants to keep his composure. Seeing you get slammed down like that snapped something inside him, he was always like this whenever you got hurt and nothing changed that till this day. Shinobu softly sighed to herself stepping forward, “(L/N) (Y/N) i hope you know why you’re here.” She started and you rolled your eyes huffing, “Obviously i do.” You started grunting as you got pulled back up to face them again only for your glare to turn into shock. What the fuck. Am i hallucinating? That couldn’t be Kyojur..o?

You couldn’t take your eyes away from him as his fiery ones were placed on you. You both held that eye contact with one another both shocked to see each other after 12 years. But that was instantly interrupted when Sanemi came walking in with a devilish grin, “Well well well what do we have here?” He chuckled staring at you as you glared at him bawling your fists together tugging at the rope, “Long time no see (Y/N)..or should i say halfbreed.” Gasps came from everyone but Kyojuro as he looked down, “Halfbreed?! What is a halfbreed doing in the Demon slayer corp?” Tengen started as he looked at you with a look of disgust making you avoid everyone’s stare, “How did she even qualify in the final selection without getting caught?” Obanai scowled pointing towards you, everyone started to question of how a halfbreed like yourself even qualified to be a slayer, there was confusion, hate, disgust lingering from most of them expect for one person..one person in particular who knew of this secret..one person who bluntly told you to never join but here you are now.

A Demon slayer as a half demon yourself.

You were taken out of your thoughts as you felt a harsh kick towards your chest knocking you to your backside with a sword pointing towards your head, you growled at the impact glaring up towards Sanemi who had a grin on his face, “Well won’t you look at that? Who knew a halfbreed like yourself managed to sneak in as a slayer.” Almost in a flash you saw his sword speed past your arm cutting it good making it bleed, but for you..you didn’t mind the pain i mean you are a demon you got used to it but still couldn’t help but whimper lowly feeling the blood sun down your arm, “You know us slayers kill demons like you..so i don’t even know why the hell were keeping you alive right now. I should just cut off your head here and now!.” He shouted, in instinct you closed your eyes waiting for the impact to come but..it never did?

You opened your eyes slowly to spot Kyojuro standing in front of you with his sword blocking Sanemi’s. Sanemi eyes widened looking at the flame Hashira who looked pissed, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Kyojuro didn’t answer yet shoved him away still guarding you with his sword in front of you staring at Sanemi, he went to open his mouth but got cut off by the master arriving.

That same night you were assigned to stay at the flame mansion under Kyojuros request, it was terribly awkward between the both of you. You rubbing your bandaged arm as he was stood far away from you, this painful silence was making you cringe inside you started to become fidgety. What the hell do i say to him? Do i say hi? Is he mad? I mean he looks mad..those fiery eyes glaring into yours with a scowl on his face. He has to be mad..he isn’t in his goody mood right now..you opened your mouth to say something but got interrupted by him, “Why’re you here?” He questioned, you sighed avoiding his stare, “Isn’t it obvious?” You mumbled, it had to be obvious to why you were here..you already told him years ago you were gonn join the corp even knowing you were a half breed. Kyojuro pinched the bridge of his nose groaning “(Y/N) i don’t have time for your attitude right now. Explain to me why you didn’t listen to a thing i said to you?” You started to get pissy, you knew he was gonna start bringing this up clenching your fists together you glared, “I think i remembered telling you i don’t follow rules from anyone Kyojuro. You should’ve known i wouldn’t have listened,” Kyojuro clicked his tongue as he stared at you, “Yeah? Well this time you should’ve listened! Do you not realize you could’ve died if i didn’t step in? You don’t know what Sanemi is capable of, he would’ve had your head cut off the moment you bared your fangs at him.” He raised his voice a little taking a step forward.

It was true. The moment you showed your fangs to him he would’ve had your head cut off, but of course you were too stubborn to admit it. So instead you got upset glaring at him as he started backing you up, you’ve never seen Kyojuro this upset before. You saw a faint blush of red on his cheeks and around his ears, you started to feel bad as you looked down knowing you caused him this anger. Kyojuro wasn’t meant to get this upset when talking to you but his feelings got the best of him seeing you get hurt almost ended up being dead scared him which made him act out. You softly gasped feeling your back hit the wall, you looked up at Kyojuro to see him throwing that same glare, you both breathed heavily as you both stared into each others eyes, your (E/C) gazing into his. It was a moment of silence till he broke out a sigh, “You’re still so.. stubborn.” He sighed in disappointment placing a hand on your cheek before speaking, “Whyre are you still stubborn?” He questioned seeing you lean into his warmth.

God you missed his touched.

You shrugged with a small grin, “Because you love it?” You teased watching him roll his eyes making you laugh lightly, “Keep telling yourself that,” He chuckled shaking his head, after that it was just quiet. It gave you the time to think about what happened..you were starting to feel bad now, you were so childish and stubborn..you sighed sadly, “i’m sorry Kyo..for being childish and stubborn i didn’t” You got cut off by lips being ontop of yours as you looked at him shock feeling him soon pull back with a grin, “Have you forgotten we grew up together? Don’t worry about it (Y/N), i can handle your stubbornness.” You looked at him still shocked starting to miss that sensation of his lips on yours. You didn’t listen to a thing he said you were just zoned out, he kissed me..omg.

…

…

HE KISSED ME?!?

Kyojuro saw how you looked at him shocked with a chuckle, “Don’t tell me you’re getting flustered now little flame?” He teased leaning his head close to yours hovering his lips with yours. You sucked in a breath soon enough scoffing pushing his face away, “Shut up!”

He was gonna be the death of you.

- 𝐔𝐙𝐔𝐈

You cocked an eyebrow as you heard a lot of commotion, coming from inside as you got closer and closer standing in front of the white banners. When you heard the commotion settle down you walked in to see a yellows haired boy on the ground knocked out cold as a boar kinda thing got punched by the one and only Uzui Tengen ..you hummed lowly moving your gaze back to the angry Hashira, “I don’t think punching your recruits is very flashy now is it Uzui?” At that moment Tengen felt his whole demeanor change when hearing your voice, that once anger in his face turned into a soft one as he brought his eyes to look at you, his eyes widened as his breath got stuck in his throat. He only sat there looking at you not saying anything, Tanjiro also looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. He's never seen you before..

The tension in the room was getting tensed by the minute as you and Uzui held that eye contact. The more he looked at you the more he couldn’t stop thinking about that day..he still remembered your tears as you looked at him with a heart broken gaze. He didn’t believe it was you..he thought he was hallucinating thinking it was you but some random person who looked like you but it wasn’t. It was really you. It was you, how could he ever forget those memorizable eyes of yours? The same ones that looked at him with hatred and sadness. He went to open his mouth to speak but you beat him there, “So..Uzui. What’s the plan for this mission, hm?” You questioned staring at him with a cold and stern look, Tengen just stared at you for a good awhile before snapping out of his mind clearing his throat, “I..uhm.” He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t get his mind straight. He felt his air way get trapped, he didn’t know what to do.

Tanjiro noticed how the whole room was getting tensed. He smelt a lot of anger and sadness radiating off you as you looked at Uzui, he then turned his head to look at Tengen smelling a sense of regret and happiness. You don’t know what happened between you two but it was starting to get more and more tense the longer it was quiet in the room, he opened his mouth to ask the question. “Do..do you know Mr. Uzui?” His voice spoke, which seems like hours on end you finally took your gaze of Tengen looking towards the boy. Before you could answer him a door was slid open, “Sorry to intrude but i got the stuff you requested sir.” A man said said with a soft smile on his face with a basket of stuff next to him.

.

.

.

The tension was still awkward..all five of you walked towards one of the houses where Suma was staying at still deep in your thoughts. You didn’t know what to say to him— matter a fact you wanted to punch him but for the sake of not causing a scene you held back, you walked along side with Insouke having a small smile on your face as he spoke to you about how he was raised in the mountains, this kid was really interesting. You guys continued to walk towards the house finally making it.

The mission was beginning.

After assigning each and one of them to a house you and Tengen were changed back into your guys uniforms sitting ontop of one the house roofs looking out for any signs of demons. It was quiet..real quiet as you stood there fiddling with your Haori..the same Haori they gave you. You felt as if you should’ve been had it gone the moment the accident happened but you couldn’t bring yourself to, it held too many precious memories just to throw it away. After all you did missed them even after the incident, from the glances Tengen was giving you you could tell he wanted to say something to you but couldn’t get the words out. How could he when he’s now seeing you after twelve years? You also wanted to say something to him but you were hurt and upset to do so, you didn’t even wanna be on this mission but from masters orders you had to.

You bit back a heavy groan finally deciding to be the first to speak up but instead Tengen beat you to it, “I thought you threw that thing away..” His voice spoke as you gripped tighter around the fabric having your breath hitch, turning your head to look at him making eye contact with his soft orbs. You had forgotten how handsome he was, every memory came back just from looking at his face. You clicked your tongue looking away from him once more sighing, “No, i kept it.” You spoke very soft and small avoiding his gaze, Tengen sighed walking up towards you. Hearing his heavy footsteps make their way towards you, your heart increased as well as your breath getting shallowed, “Look at me.” He asked with that tone..that fucking tone he would use whenever he spoke to his wives, you continued to look away from him but that changed when you felt two fingers on your chin bringing you to turn your head. You kept a straight face as you looked up at him holding down that emotion you felt that was gonna blow any minute, “(Y/N)..that day. I..I lost someone who was an important person to my family. I lost someone who was the most sweetest and kind hearted angel anyone could ask for..and that someone was you. And I screwed that up because i let my emotions get the best of me, ever since that day Suma, Makio and Hina all begged to have you back. But it was too late..” He trailed sighing, “I’m so sorry, (N/N).” As soon as you heard that voice crack you couldn’t help but have your own emotions finally let go.

Soon enough you found yourself crying in front of him. You wanted to yell at him, wanted to punch him wanted to curse him out but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You brought your hand up to wipe your tears away but the didn’t stop running, Tengen softly smiled using his thumb to wipe away the single tear that slid down your cheek as he pulled you close to him with your head on his chest, you didn’t even fight back at it instead you clenched onto his uniform like you didn’t want him to leave you. He felt your hands grip tighter kissing the top of your head before whispering, “I’m not going anywhere..i’m not leaving you. Not again not ever.” He whispered closing his eyes holding you into his bigger arms letting you cry it out.

Since that night, the tension that was once there had vanished. I mean you were still awkward around him but the more times you’re with him alone the more you’re letting yourself get comfortable with him again. Tengen was happy to see you get more and more comfortable going back to your old self as you hanged with him, there was this ping in his heart the more he saw that smile he fell in love with alongside with your laughs..he wanted to ask for you back. He was gonna ask for you back. You were the missing puzzle piece for the family..you missed your family..you missed him.

Hearing your laugh echo through his ears made him firm a smile on his face, his heart was increasing by the second as he looked at you. Seeing you laugh again was like medicine for his heart..you being here with him was enough to bandage his heart back into pieces, mid way in your laugh you slowly started to die down when feeling his hand grab yours, you looked at your held hands before looking at him with a confused look, he sighed. “(Y/N), i don’t know how to put this in the right words but..” He trailed off taking a deep breath in, “Will you be mine again? Ours in fact?” You looked at him speechless with widen eyes..many emotions were running through you right now as you stared at him sadly. “I..I..don’t know Tengen.” You trailed looking down but soon your head got picked back up staring into his eyes as he gave you a reassuring smile, “What happened years ago won’t happen again..you can trust me. Back then i was..i was young and idiotic but trust when i say this, i’ll treat you like the wife you deserve to be. I love you so fucking much.” He whispered, you stared into his eyes to read him..he was being honest, they were filled with hope and regret you but your bottom lip looking down.

Even after 12 years you still loved him. It hurts to say but it’s true, even after what happened you still loved him. He was your first everything, first husband, first time even your first kiss. You wanted him back again..you wanted to be his wife again, fuck you missed him dammit. You softly sighed before looking up into his eyes, “Promise me..promise me you won’t let what happened repeat again.” Your voice spoke small as you held that gaze, Tengen felt his heart ping instantly nodding his head, “I promise, i promise what happened years ago won’t repeat.” You looked at him one last time before nodding your head but couldn’t help but pull him closer to you locking lips with each other. Tengens eyes widened in surprise by instantly closed them kissing back placing a hand on your cheek. Oh his you missed his lips onto yours. You softly smiled as he chuckled before muttering,

“Welcome home angel.”

[charlotteking23]

Hi I’ve recently gotten back into divergent so my Eric obsession has surfaced yet again😂

I’m also new to tumblr so I’m not sure if I’m doing this request thing right, so my apologies if it’s too much

I really enjoyed your head canon on Eric and was wondering if you could do another one maybe more geared towards him as a husband and father maybe some years down the road. I could see him having learned some self control when it comes to his anger issues. Maybe becoming a girl dad becoming a big softy which would be adorable, but still maintaining his asshole reputation somehow.

If you get a chance to write this I’d really appreciate it!! Thank you

Eric proposed to you after a year of dating. You told Eric beforehand you wanted to be proposed too, Why? There's no point in me proposing to you, you are already mine, Eric said rubbing his face annoyed. YOU WILL PROPOSE TO ME!! You screamed while hitting him.

You worked as a nurse so when the symptoms of throwing up, weird cravings, mood swings, and your period being late you knew you were pregnant. For precaution, you took a test confirming your suspicion, and you ran to tell Eric being overjoyed. What is it, honey? Eric said wrapping his arms around you. I'M PREGNANT! You Shouted waiting to see his reaction only to be met with silence, Babe are you okay? Eric looked at you and immediately spun you around in his arms with your legs wrapped around his torso.

Eric was extremely protective of you. He carried you down the flight of stairs because of the no railings, or you used the elevator. He made sure you ate a lot no matter how unhealthy it was, so a lot of chocolate cake. If anyone bumped into you or harmed you in any way whether emotionally or physically he kick their ass.

He was obsessed with the baby, and after the couple found out it was a baby girl, he was ecstatic wanting to spoil the little girl. She is so gonna be a daddy's girl, Eric said rubbing your stomach. How do you know? you said. Because She's my daughter, Eric said in an obvious tone.

Truth be told she was a daddy's girl, after she was born she only wanted her daddy. He was the only one that could make her go to sleep, so... Why do I have to go, it's your turn, Eric said still in bed rubbing his eyes tiredly with the baby crying in the background. Because She's a daddy girl, you said while putting the covers over your face feeling Eric get up.

At the age of 5, your daughter was handling knives and guns but was spoiled so much by her father that she favored him over you. You told Eric it wasn't a good idea to train her yet because she was so young but he did anyway, only the basics though. For her 6 birthday, she was given a pink knife and gun engraved was princess, ironic.

your daughter screamed and panicked whenever Eric was not there. She threw tantrums over the smallest things it was getting out of control, so you stepped your foot down. You told her that you were the mother and she had to obey your rules, She was not happy and yelled at you. Eric finally saw how his little princess was getting too spoiled... Princess Stop! Eric said with a firm voice, he realized how bad our daughter treated you and was not having it. [d/n] You can't disrespect your mother like that, Eric took away her guns and knives and had her apologize to you. You knew she was a daddy's girl but she was still your daughter and you weren't going to allow her to treat you like that. You forgave her but she was still grounded for 2 weeks.

By age 12 your daughter was maturing growing so beautiful with her long hair and beautiful blue eyes like Eric's. Eric was still an asshole to people but never to his family, he often compared his daughter to the initiates. Watch how my daughter throws the knives better than you pieces of shit, glancing at his daughter. She threw it perfectly right in the middle, the initiates looked at the little girl in surprise with a proud look from both her and her father. I want everyone to run and you won't stop till I say so...GO, Eric said firmly wanting to gouge his eyes out if he saw another initiate.

By the time your daughter was 16, Eric had moved up the ranks to head leader of Dauntless. Your daughter ended up staying in Dauntless excelling in training and becoming first overall in all her rankings only having 7 fears.

Eric was not happy, his princess had a boyfriend, and he had a reputation for scaring any boys who came close to his little girl. Oh, so you think you're good enough for my princess huh, Eric walked around the boy, giving him a fright. All-l do r-respect s-ir, the boy said shitting himself, Why are you stuttering, can't you speak right boy, Eric said leaning on his side while crossing his arms showing off his muscular arms. Daddy stop you are scaring him, His princess told him but he ignored her. Princess, why don't you give the boys some time to talk, his princess obliged leaving the men to talk. Can I get... before she could finish she saw her boyfriend leaving with tears streaming down his face. Look, we are breaking up bye, he left in such a hurry. She knew her father did this and ordered 3 shots of vodka, she was going to need it.

In the end, Your daughter was able to find someone who understood her and treated her like a princess. Eric approved of the boy for his daughter, 2 years after they dated he proposed to your daughter. you and your daughter went wedding dress shopping, planning the big invite list, etc. The wedding was extravagant and beautiful and you couldn't stop crying seeing Eric walk your daughter down the aisle and [d/n] saying I Do. You recall the memories that led up to this moment, you meeting Eric, the wedding, your daughter, the choosing ceremony, her wedding it was amazing with your family right by your side.

BTW yes Eric cried at the wedding. I am telling you, sweetie I am not gonna cry... 5 minutes later, Eric wiping his tears with a napkin. Not gonna cry right, you said with your arms crossed on your chest. SHHHH, the wedding starting, and my eyes are just leaking water.

[sour-ggrapess]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BIG BRO? ⋆ ˚｡🐇💗 ⋆୨୧˚ Big step bro shows you how much you're his favorite little princess.

Step!brother!tae x fem!virgin!reader

✧˖° Warnings; Virgin reader, force fuck, unprotected sex, 7 year age gap, daddy kink, semi public sex, boob play, fingering, crying, impregnation, forbidden sex, slight ddlg, oral (f), service top tae, impregnation kink , just nasty asf😩

GO READ MY WATTPAD STORY @kook-net

⊹˚. ♡taglist - @chimmy-licious @shescharlie

THANKS FOR 207 FOLLOWERS!!

Taehyung met you on your seventh birthday when he was 12. He took liking into you very fast, the way you were so bubbly and cheerful made him love you. Tae never treated you like you were his little sister, he never called you anything mean, play fought with you or ignored you. He always wanted to be around you no matter what.

He did everything for you and with you making him like the dad you didn't know. He moved into your moms house with his father that didn't really care about you 'because you were too old to think of him as a father'. When you started hitting puberty he felt as if you were his and he needed to protect you, he bought all of your pads and told you about what was happening to you. He showed you how to shave and how to use a pad, he was one educated man and it was just for you.

Once you hit 18 the sexual tension started to build as you would catch him eyeballing your tits and ass as you walked around and how mad he had gotten when you told him about your first boyfriend.

Summer is near, its 90 degrees outside and you had things to do. Your pink sundress that was skin tight and your boobs spilled out of, your peach perfume lingered off your skin and your black shades fell on the bridge of your nose.

You still weren't sure why Tae had still lived with you and mom but he did at his grown age, you wanted to go to a fancy university but tae just gaslit you into going online and giving up on the collage experience but as long as he was happy right?

Small foot steps you didn't hear came up behind you as you dropped your sun glasses, bending down to pick them back up but before you could even grasp them a pair of cold hands run down your semi exposed ass. Chills run up your spine and wetness grows in your pink lacy panties.

"You look so pretty today princess" It was tae, his voice was raspy and you could hear the horniness in his voice as he spoke.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Let me make you feel good doll face, I know how bad you want it" arousal decorated his words. Taes plan wasn't to fuck you without consent but in the most respectful way he knew you were easy and knew you would say yes no matter how much you denied him.

"Cmon princess, I hear you at night and what you do with your little pink bunny."

His fingers moved down as they teased over the wet spot, shivers rolled over you. "Please d-don't" you whimpered as his fingers rubbed over your clit, "Let me be your better bunny. I can give you affection and I can make you feel even better than your other bunny. Please trust me" He pleaded with you and the offer sounded like a million bucks to you.

Soft whimpers left your mouth as he started to rub on your soft bud making the lace underneath you drenched. "I can feel how much you want me, your dripping through these cute little panties"

"Ive n-never done this before" you exhaled with a shaky breath. That's when he knew he won, he knew you gave in to him and now he could have you all to himself. His large hands grasped you and took you over to the couch.

"Im gonna make my little princess feel so good" He promised as he moved his face in between your thighs. He slid the ruined panties down your legs to see the strings of wetness that stuck to your clit and the underwear, "This pretty chubby cunt, so pure and wet for me." Tae groaned before he dug on your swollen clit, his hands held your chubby lips apart as his lips made contact with your clit. Your hands took grasp in the couch fabric as your back arched off the couch making your clit rub on his mouth even more.

"Dose my little princess like the way my tongue licks her cute virgin pussy? Tae groaned in between licks on your clit. "Mhmm, I love it" A high pitched moan escaped from your lips, Sudden shock washes over you as his middle finger slid into your tight pink hole. It sucked his finger in as if you were clenching your walls.

He never felt any pussy like it even the virgin ones hes been in. A burning feeling deep in your pussy every time he entered his finger in, "Take it out please i-it hurtsss!" You exclaimed as you tried to push him away.

"Its gonna feel better soon baby, I just gotta stretch you out if you want my cock, baby doll" His pace fastening as your moans got louder. "Shh, you don't want mommy to hear us do you?" His tongue dived into your hole and lapped up your juices like a man stranded on a desert for months, nails digging at light blond strands as your body contorted all ways anyone could think of. His tongue back to kitty licking on your clit as 2 fingers entered your hole, feeling of your high getting closer made strings of his name and moans escape your mouth. "I-Im gonna p-pee, stoughhh" you almost yelled as your cum flowed out on his fingers and slightly in his mouth. Mr. Bunny got you close and made you feel good but never good enough to make you cum.

Your cum on his fingers made him go wild, he tried his best to not lick it off. He brought his fingers to your mouth. "Lick it princess" he demanded, your tongue swirled around his digits tasting every little drop he gathered. He pulled his fingers out with a groan.

he inched forward with him now hovering over your boobs right before ripping your dress and popping one in his mouth with whimper. Shaky deep breaths leaving as you tried to control your moans, his tongue licked around the bud as his fingers played with the other.

"You taste so funking sweet, my little princess" He praised while taking his jeans off along with his boxers, his big cock sprung up with his pink tip leaking pre-cum all down his base down to his balls. You felt as of you were gonna throw up, you felt like a dirty whore and his cock was massive when you couldn't even take 2 fingers.

His hand takes grip of his cock and strokes it as more beads of pre-cum fall out his now sticky tip, "You gonna be a good girl and take this dick, hmm?" He cooed in a tone that was mocking the way you whined. "Y-yes, please go s-slow", he sat on the couch and placed you on his lap. "Ride this cock like you did mr. Bunny"

He was making you feel dirty and embarrassed and not to mention how nasty you felt about him but your pussy said otherwise as it dripped all over his thighs and the couch. Tae lifted his hips up as he took his cock in his hand, he slapped his length all over your clit making you jerk your body and try to move but his grip on your shoulders forced you down. "J-just put it i-in daddy" Was all you could say as tears rolled down your eyes at how frustrated he was getting you.

The nickname put him in a trance as forced you down onto his dick and started at a brutal pace not caring about the waterfalls of tears and the scream and squeals that bursted from your mouth. "T-take this cock like a g-good girl and stay still. " He groaned out, anyone with that had sex before would know your pussy was good the way he was moaning.

His balls slapping against your ass as he slammed you down on his cock with each thrust. The burn faded away as you started to feel the best feeling ever coming back, "G-gonna fill this little chubby cunt with my f'kin cum". You felt him hitting all the spots you needed to be hit and even the spots you didn't know you had.

"F-feels so g-good daddy...." was flying out your mouth left and right as you felt his cock punching your womb. You feel hot liquid spraying out making you snap out of your high when you realized you squirted all over him, Legs shaking and your walls clenching."Fucking shit" His last words before he slammed you down and shot his load right in your womb.

It had to be the hardest hes came in all his life. You felt full and bloated like a water balloon.

"My nasty little princess has the best pussy ever"

© KOOK-NET 2023 — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Ok, Chilcuck isn't particularly my type, but I hate seeing someone who's never seen the show spread misinformation so here's to clear some things up! (Off Anon because pictures) Chilchuck Tims is NOT an elf and he is NOT immortal. He is a Half-Foot, a fantasy race that takes inspiration from Tolken's Hobbits and D&D's Halflings. Half-foots only have a lifespan of 50 years, but the reach sexual maturity at age 13. They also have heightened senses, particularly their hearing! Chillchuck is 29 years old, which is about the equivalence to a human man in his 50's. He was a teenage dad having his first daughter when he was 12. He also started a guild on the island because Half-Foots are often discriminated against by pretty much all the other races for their short life spans, child-like appearance, and heightened senses (Tumblr loves a union-man!) He was originally drawn with gray streaks, but that was too much detailing so his design was simplified. Upon being turned into a human by some magic mushrooms, however, you can more clearly see his age! All of this info can easily be found on the wiki! (although googling does apparently produce some stupid results with AI...) As for why he's considered hot? IDK man, he does kinda look like David Tennant (I'm not sure who made the original edit, but *Chefs kiss*), he's a union man, he would rather die than talk about himself to his coworkers, he's a divorced husband and father of three girls, and is secretly caring and sweet.

For context, they are responding to this post about Chilchuck

And now since you pointed out he looks like David Tennant I cannot unsee it

[kwallanghae]

twenty two days before we go our separate ways (twenty two days of not falling for you) | yoon jeonghan

content: fluff; angst (because ofc); fake dating; friends to lovers; some joshua x reader; adults who are in their 30s and have jobs;

word count: 20.3k

summary: there’s a special bond between you and jeonghan, and no one was surprised when you announced you were together. to you, it’s a surprise no one realised it wasn’t real.

warnings: language; allusions to sex and suggestive language; (brief) descriptions of vomiting; jealousy and possessiveness;

after a five month hiatus i have returned with a HOLY WHY IS THIS SO LONG fic hope you enjoy :)

also i’ve decided i want to label my fics the same way fob write song titles

D-1

“You have got to be kidding me.”

His eyes widened, then slowly closed in embarrassment. “Look, you’re the only person I could ask…”

“There is no way I’m going to fake date you, Jeonghan!”

In all the years that you had spent knowing Jeonghan, you had never gotten fully used to the shenanigans and plots, half of which you were a pawn in, half were levied against you. Right now, it was easy to say you preferred the latter. Especially given that unlike your mutual friend Soonyoung, he never went too far. Jeonghan had a perfect skill for being outlandish but never unacceptable. Although, this time felt too far. This time felt ridiculous.

“It’s only for three weeks!”

“Twenty two days! Three weeks! Thats three separate, wait no FOUR separate Saturdays I’ll have to spend cozied up to you, pretending to- ugh.”

“Don’t gag.”

“Huoh.”

Gagging was excessive, in all fairness. Jeonghan was a gorgeous man, and the string of broken hearts he carried on his shoulder was evidence enough, which made you so much more suspicious of his words. Why were you the only person available?

“I just need to get this girl off my back at Wonwoo’s wedding, and it has to be believable, because you know that Jun and Seungcheol cannot keep a secret, so if they know then Jiwon will know, and if Jiwon knows then I’m trapped. Cmon, please.”

“Three weeks is so long.” You whined, throwing yourself down on the couch. You had always been one for the dramatics. Perhaps thats what drew you to Jeonghan, why you were good friends.

FRIENDS. Specifically.

“Look it’s not like you wouldn’t get anything out of it!” Jeonghan begged, kneeling in front of you in a desperate attempt to have you look his way. “It would make Joshua so jealous.”

“He would only be jealous if he actually had feelings for me, Han, and we both know he doesn’t.”

“That’s not true, I am so completely sure he has feelings for you, he just doesn’t know it yet.” Jeonghan’s hand was on your shoulder, rubbing it soothingly, as you were reminded of how helpless and pathetic you felt when it came to Joshua. The gorgeous American who never seemed to spare a glance in your direction. Sure, you were all friends, and he obviously cared about you, but only as a friend. It was clear the way he looked at other people, it was a way he had never looked at you. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out, and for the most part you would like to say you were pretty good at spotting when people had feelings for you. 

When you were eleven and there was pesky Seokmin who kept throwing pencils at you when he thought you weren’t looking, it was obvious he had feelings for you, which you quickly shut down because who would want to go out with someone who had to resort to petty violence to get your attention? And Mingyu, who would avoid you like the plague all of year 12 until he could muster up the courage to tell you about his feelings for you, which you had obviously seen coming. You were always one step ahead - you didn’t like being caught off guard. Jeonghan was the only person you felt like you could trust to trick you, if that made sense at all. Even when he was being a menace, you still felt somewhat safe. And that was really working against you at the moment.

“You know,” He spoke with a glint in his eye that you couldn’t have missed, even if you wanted to. Oh, how desperately you wanted to. After being friends for so long, you could read Jeonghan too well. “He’s just broken up with Heejin. I bet we could try to make him jealous? Make him realise his feelings for you?”

You sniffled slightly, burying a laugh at Jeonghan’s cunning expression. “You’re just saying that so I’ll agree to go out with you.”

“Maybe. Is it working?”

You pondered for a moment. When Jihoon got married just a few months prior, you didn’t have anyone to go with, and you felt devastated watching the gorgeous boy hanging off Joshua’s shoulder. Jeonghan was quick to offer to ditch his date for you, but it didn’t make the ache in your chest dull any faster. You didn’t want to relive that, and you definitely didn’t want to seem lonely and desperate - you didn’t miss the concerned glance from Joshua last time. It would be nice to seem more desired, even if it was fake. It’s all about image, right?

“You know if we do this you won’t be able to flirt with anyone at the party.” You reminded him. “We’ll have to keep up the ruse that you’re actually interested in me.”

“Is it too late to take it back?”

“Yah, Jeonghan!”

“Kidding! Who wouldn’t be into you? Well…” He trailed off teasingly, and it’s moments like this where your glare settles in across from him that he feels so lucky to be secure in your friendship. “I wouldn’t dream of ditching you.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” You whispered to your ceiling, and you didn’t miss the grin that spread across Jeonghan’s face. Lucky bastard. “Fine, starting from tomorrow we will be fake dating.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you Y/N!” He grabbed your hands, pulling you up from the sofa to celebrate with him. “I will drive you everywhere, don’t worry, and whenever you don’t feel like cooking I’ll cook for you, and-“

“Woah, slow down, I’ll pass on the food. I’ve seen you in a kitchen.” You hushed your friend, letting him settle. “Besides, if we’re going to do this, we need rules. Everything needs to be out in the open.”

You never liked being caught off guard, and you were going to make sure you weren’t.

You settled back down onto the couch, and Jeonghan disappeared to grab something from out of your fridge before settling against you, cuddling to your side. “So what’s the backstory? People are definitely going to ask how we got together, we should probably get a story established.” 

“Hmm, what about, you watched me kill it at karaoke, and you were so overcome with adoration and horniness that you confessed your undying love for me, and-“

“Absolutely not. I refuse to say any of that.”

“That’s okay, I’ll tell them.”

“No way!” You shoved him playfully, groaning as he elbowed you in retaliation. “Low blow, Han. Let’s try to think of something more realistic. What about you went on a date and it made me jealous, so I confessed?”

“Yeah, except we’ve both dated other people and it’s never caused jealousy before, I don’t think anyone would fall for it.” He told you, and you cursed under your breath because he was right. “What about we got tipsy and made out? And then realised we liked each other?”

“That works, I guess. It’s a little crass but it’ll do.” You nodded at Jeonghan, and grabbed a piece of paper from your coffee table. “Now rules: obviously we can’t tell anyone.”

“No shit.”

“Don’t be rude, we have to write the obvious too.” You rolled your eyes at Jeonghan, jotting down the words escaping your mind onto paper. No one can know this is fake.

“What about once it’s all over? You know, when you’re off being married to Joshua, and I’ve got myself a new sexy partner?” Jeonghan questioned, wiggling his eyebrows and nudging you.

“Ew? Why did I agree to this?”

“Because deep down you love me and my shenanigans.” Jeonghan popped a cherry in his mouth, chewing on it slightly, staining his lips red. You looked in disgust as a sliver of crimson drool slipped down the corner of his mouth. 

“Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down.”

“Didn’t deny it.” He winked. “So can we tell people eventually? Or are we taking this to the grave?”

“Okay, how about this? No one can know this is fake until we’re married to other people. There, that gives us plenty of time.” Jeonghan nodded thoughtfully, and you quickly jotted down the addition. 

“Oh, pass me the pen, I have a good one.”

You let the pen drop out of your hands, pushing it to Jeonghan, who started scribbling something down. You looked over his shoulder, reading out the words…

“…We can’t be cliche and fall in love with each other- are you taking this seriously at all Han?”

He laughed, and you swear he would have spit cherries all over you. You cursed slightly, feeling suddenly very tempted to push him off the bed. “Dickhead.”

“A future junior partner at Kim-Byun Legal Services shouldn’t be using that kind of language, Y/N.” Jeonghan teased, smirking at your frustrated expression.

“Shut it Yoon. And take this seriously! If we fuck up everyone will find out, including Jiwon.”

He shuddered at the mention of her name. “God and she won’t leave me alone. Fine, what other rules do we need?”

“Hmm, we need to post each other on social media. Instagram is a must.” You told him, and to your surprise he hummed in agreement - you really were expecting more of a pushback. Jeonghan never liked tainting his single and available persona, and he was yet to ever post a S/O photo anywhere. “You don’t sound upset?”

“You’re right. It won’t be believable if there’s nothing online, at least on your social media. Besides, the more we commit, the more jealous Joshua will get, and the more Jiwon will realise she needs to back off.”

You nodded, writing it down. “That means we’ll probably have to pose for photos, go on dates and such.”

“Eh, we already hang out loads, we’ll just have to add cheesy captions. Doesn’t sound difficult at all.”

Jeonghan was right. You had spent way too many years being friends with him to ever feel uncomfortable around him, and with that boundaries were out of the window. Half of your outings looked like dates, and this wasn’t even the first time the two of you had used that ambiguity to convince others you or he wasn’t available. It was the first time you were actively deceiving people though. Perhaps that was why you felt on edge. All the other times, you had just let people come to their own conclusions, this time you would be lying. Was that why your heart was beating more? Was that what was causing the sudden discomfort as you laid in Jeonghan’s arms?

“Okay, that’s three rules, do we need anything else? Is there anything we’re forgetting?”

He thought about it for a moment, then brushed it off, letting the thought roll away from his shoulders, while yours stayed tensed and rigid. “We can probably add as we go along. Leave it on your fridge, oh but hide it when you get guests.”

“Well duh.” You rolled your eyes at him, grabbing a cherry out of his bowl. You chewed it softly, and groaned in surprise at the way it burst open. “God these are way too ripe, why are you eating them?”

“They still taste good, and they make me look like a vampire.” He grinned at you, showing off his stained canines (and chin, but you decided not to focus on that). “Just spray me with body glitter and I’ll have hoards of fangirls.”

“You already have hoards of fangirls, and fanboys.” You reminded him, rubbing at the corner of your mouth where cherry juice exploded down.

Jeonghan watched as you missed the trail of juice that had begun to dry on your skin. He smiled, and before you knew it he had licked his thumb, wiping away the red line from your mouth. Your breath hitched as you watched his eyes, trained on you, the part of your cheek right next to your lips, so much so that it felt like that’s all he was looking at. He smiled, drawing his finger back, with a satisfied look on his face. 

“There,” He whispered, barely audible had you not been pressed up against him. “You can get a taste of the Yoon Jeonghan Boyfriend Treatment early.”

“Gross, you got your saliva all over me.” You whined, pushing him away. “I gotta wash my face now.” You ignored his chuckles as you made a beeline for the bathroom, eager to get him off of you, in every sense.

“You better get used to my saliva babe!” He laughed as you walked away from him. Cute.

It’s a strange feeling to ponder on your time with someone, but that’s what you watched yourself do in the hour before you were, technically, officially going out with him. The hour until midnight struck, you were in bed, teeth brushed, pajamas on, and only Jeonghan on your mind.

You’ve spent more of your life with him in it than without him. He was in the year above you at school, but you and him always gravitated to the same napping spot under the bleachers, and from there a comfort was born. Even before that, he was always around, his friends were the older brothers of your friends, and you had known each other by association, which made it easier to grow into an easy friendship come middle school. Half of the times you had suspected someone’s growing crush on you, it was Jeonghan whispering rumours into your ear. He had always looked out for you, and as the two of you aged and grew closer, you looked out for him too, until you two felt most comfortable together, and not with anyone else.

It had never stopped the two of you from dating, of course. He was hot, you were hot, and other people realised it. In your case though, it had been a force driving boyfriends away. They could never quite get used to how close you and Jeonghan were, and you had been accused of cheating or leading them on more times than you could count. Meanwhile, Jeonghan’s flings always came rushing to you on advice and inside intel, seemingly loving your presence - until they realised that he would never put them above you, and suddenly you were the bitter best friend who could never let him date in peace.

And you had friends, mutual friends who in turn formed a large group that you welcomed and blossomed with. But no one could ever come in between you and Jeonghan. The two of you existed in a little bubble, never to be popped or disturbed. You could imagine the delight some of your friends would express once you told them you two were an item, they were always the teasing that you two were secretly dating and hiding it from the world.

But you were an adult now, the two of you had been out of high school and university for several years now, and still you weren’t dating, despite being so close, it drove your friends mad. You knew that you didn’t need to explain it, as long as you and Jeonghan were on the same page. Boyfriends would come and go, but Jeonghan was always your priority. It had always been platonic, but you knew that if nothing else lasted, your friendship with Jeonghan would. He knew it too. 

You turned, groaning into your pillow. How were you going to go to this wedding? Part of the beauty of your relationship with Jeonghan was that it was simple. It had never once felt complicated to you, just because other people didn’t understand it doesn’t mean you didn’t. But not dating for over a decade and suddenly starting to go out? Only to break it off three weeks later? That felt too complicated to explain, or even comprehend. Would people even believe it?

You were so tempted to text Jeonghan to call it off, to find another stunning specimen to hang off his arm and scare away Jiwon. She was all bark, no bite - no matter what hurtful words she had spat at Jeonghan when he tried calling their thing off, she wouldn’t go up and make light of those threats. Ultimately, she was harmless, but terrible at taking hints. Hence why he’s created this dumb plan. It wasn’t too late to back out was it? You grabbed your phone, and it dinged in your hand.

12:01. Shit.

And there it was, a text from your loving boyfriend.

Hannie: Happy first day of dating, baby ;)

No backing out now.

Day 1 - Saturday 3rd November

After the reminder Jeonghan had sent of your month long promise, you had rolled around your bed until you finally nodded off, and then subsequently overslept, which was only made clear as a banging on your door began to wake you.

Jeonghan was here.

The knock (which was always made with the full force of his fists - you swore that one day he was going to break your door down) was nothing other than courtesy. Jeonghan had his own set of keys to your apartment, and he wasn’t shy about using them. You could already hear him fumbling with the keys, and the muttered curses under his breath. You couldn’t wait to make partner and get out of this place and to somewhere with more soundproofing, you were certainly sick of hearing the muffled grunts and moans of your neighbours who had nothing better to do than spend the nights in each other(’s arms). But it did allow you those few seconds of awareness before Jeonghan barged into your home.

The door finally swung open, and there he was in his full glory - your new boyfriend. Even thinking the word in association with Jeonghan gave you a shudder. There was something about thinking of Jeonghan that way that just felt so… alien. It wasn’t like you had never had those wandering thoughts, but that was all they were: visitors who didn’t stay long. Now, the label was here for three weeks, and you were way too tired to comprehend just how long that really was.

“Why aren’t you up? Don’t you remember we’re helping Minghao set up the venue today? We’ve also got to make an all so important announcement, in case you forgot.”

You groaned, smoothing down your bedhead as best you could to be semi presentable. “I know, I just overslept. Struggled to fall asleep last night.”

He looked over at you as you stumbled out of bed, grabbing the coat hanger that had your outfit off your dresser as you walked slowly to the bathroom. “Just give me 20 minutes to get ready.”

“Are you feeling okay Y/N?” He asked carefully, walking closer to you. “It’s not too late to call it off, I don’t want to stress you out, especially with everything going on with work.”

It was certainly a tempting offer, and one you had been considering just the previous night. But looking back at Jeonghan’s concerned expression, you were reminded of why you even agreed in the first place. Yes, you wanted to make Joshua jealous, and that was your main goal, but Jeonghan had never let you down, and you weren’t going to let him down either.

“Don’t worry. Wonwoo’s wedding is on the 24th. Four Saturdays, I can definitely last that long.” You told him, blinking away the puffiness in your eyes. He didn’t seem too convinced, but you knew Jeonghan was too far in it to say anything else. “Twenty minutes, then we’ll go.”

Day 1 (cont.)

You weren’t too sure when it happened, but somewhere along the car ride, Jeonghan’s spare hand had nestled into yours. It felt somewhat romantic. You were no stranger to holding his hand, but it meant something different this time. Of course, something deceptive, but still different.

As the car pulled to the stop, you squeezed his hand comfortingly. 

“Ready?”

You and Jeonghan smiled at each other, and to anyone who could see past the tinted windows, you were putting on your best show even before you walked out of the car. Of course, knowing Seungcheol, he was probably waiting outside the venue, and this sort of attention to detail that Jeonghan had mastered was crucial considering your friends.

“Ready.”

Your hands detached as the two of you got out of the car, only to join once more as Jeonghan rushed to your side, draping his arm across your shoulder and kissing your hand. You were almost shocked by his actions, the ones that felt so loving, until you heard the all too familiar screech of his would be best friend (had that title not been taken by you, long ago).

“Yoon Jeonghan! Did you and Y/N finally confess your love to each other?!” Seungcheol yelled across the parking lot, jogging up to you.

“Showtime.” Jeonghan whispered in your ear, nuzzling his nose against your skin. It was so sickeningly puppy love, you had to hold yourself back and be reminded that this is your life for the next month. “Seungcheol!”

He walked up and hugged his friend, and you followed suit, before settling back at Jeonghan’s side. Seungcheol couldn’t hide his grin, going on and on. “I knew it! For years, you guys said there was nothing there, but I knew it would happen eventually! I told you so, didn’t I Jeonghan? And all you ever said, Y/N and I are just friends, they would never see me that way, but HAH! I was right!”

Seungcheol kept rambling, barely even speaking to you, truthfully it felt more like he was yelling at characters on a screen rather than friends he had known for all his life (at least in Jeonghan’s case - you only got to know Seungcheol as you got closer to Jeonghan).

“Everyone’s going to be so shocked, even more so than when Wonwoo finally proposed.”

You scoffed. “No one was surprised when Wonwoo proposed, we were all surprised he hadn’t proposed sooner.”

“Same sentiment they’ll have with us, I guess.” Jeonghan shrugged, tightening his grip around you. You held your bated breath as you thought about just how close you were to Jeonghan, that if you reached out just a little you could tuck that stray hair that was in front of his face away, you always thought he looked so much nicer when his face wasn’t covered-

“…dating?” Seungcheol’s sentence finally trailed off, and you realised he was waiting for your answer. Shit, you hadn’t paid any attention, and it was clearly evident by your lost expression. “God you two are still in the honeymoon phase, pay attention to me as well, not just your boyfriend.”

Your nose almost curled so instinctively at that word. Boyfriend. It still felt so wrong to use for Jeonghan, and by the way he tensed only ever so slightly beside you, you knew he felt the same. As if you were claiming him, but you knew Jeonghan wouldn’t want that, that’s why he froze. Wasn’t it?

“Come on, let’s go inside, you can tell everyone you’re finally dating!”

You and Jeonghan followed Seungcheol, who chattered away to Jeonghan as you walked in silence. You were always the more quiet of the pair. Not exactly introverted or shy, but picky with your words. You hated the idea of saying something you didn’t mean. Jeonghan was careful too, but it was like he had everything ready before anything else was ever said. Jeonghan was always careful, always clever. 

He had never been the boyfriend type. Everyone knew it. He had flings, some that even lasted months, but never relationships. He went on dates, but only those that ended up in a hookup. The word boyfriend had never been used to describe him, only used as a wish others had hoped he would fulfill. Your friends would always tease, of course, that he could never be a boyfriend to anyone else because he was too busy being a boyfriend for you, but the two of you knew it wasn’t that. No, Jeonghan could never be a boyfriend to anyone because he didn’t want the expectations that came with it. Jeonghan did as he wanted, on his own terms. But a boyfriend has a role to play, and Jeonghan would die before he gave into that. It was always frustrating for him that his friends never seemed to understand that, but now it played right into his plan. And you understood, so did anyone else need to?

As Seungcheol ushered you in, you were surprised to see just how many of your friends were already gathered, moving chairs and dusting the floors, with Minghao set in the centre, directing everyone. Wonwoo and his fiancee were doing their best to cut costs, with Minghao acting as wedding planner, and all their friends chipping in to help out where they could, which of course is how you all ended up setting up a wedding venue inside a dusty old warehouse. Minghao assured them it would look beautiful, if and only if everyone listened carefully to every instruction he gave, without deviation. To say you and Jeonghan were scared of pissing him off was definitely an understatement. 

Eyes snapped to you and Jeonghan at the sound of the door closing, and even more gathered in your direction as Seungcheol started yelling about an announcement.

“Y/N and Jeonghan have something to say!” He yelled across the crowds (well, 30 or so friends), apologising silently to Minghao as he glared at the older boy.

You froze, hiding your head in Jeonghan’s arm as the pressure of being watched suddenly settled into you. He smiled at you, and wagged your hand held in his at everyone. “Y/N and I are dating!”

Everyone erupted into gasps and shouts, but were all effectively shut up by Minghao’s yell. “Get this place clean first, then gossip!”

Jun walked up to you, handing you a mop and reading off instructions Minghao had given him on everything that needed to be done today. “But seriously, I am so happy for you guys. Good luck fielding everyone off though, everyone’s gonna have so many questions.”

You walked over with Jun to where Chan, Yeeun, Sakura, and Seungkwan were all mopping the floors. The youngest pushed you gently, grinning at you. 

“I can’t believe you and Jeonghan are finally dating!” Chan grinned. “Took you guys long enough.”

“I guess it’s been a long time coming.” You hummed, as you started cleaning the floors with them. You looked back to where Jeonghan was, now surrounded by friends who were congratulating him. It filled you with a strange pride to know you were a prize to be congratulated for winning. Of course, they don’t know it’s not real. But the illusion still felt victorious.

“Is everyone here? It’s been ages since we all met up.” 

“Yeah! Oh, everyone but Joshua, he had to cancel last minute.” You felt your shoulders threaten to drop at the news Soonyoung shared. “Of course, the day we’re cleaning away the dust and mould, he can’t make it.”

Sakura hit his shoulder softly. “He would come if he could. There was an emergency at his firm.”

There was no skylight, but you were sure that if there was one, the clouds would have covered the sunlight.

You were only a year younger than Joshua, only a year younger than Jeonghan, but he had already been a junior partner at his firm for three years now, while you were spending every spare hour at your office in a desperate attempt to prove to the asses behind the desks in the floor above yours how much you deserved to be partner. 

You weren’t surprised when Joshua was made partner. He was incredible, a talented lawyer who saw shortcuts and loopholes no one else realised were there. He was so dedicated, and smart, and dreamy, although you were sure that last part wasn’t one of the qualifying traits for partnership. 

Your whole life, you were a step behind him. Most of that was just the fact that he was a year ahead of you: he graduated first, he took his bar exam first, he joined a firm first. Meanwhile you were the sad kid following him from place to place.

It was no secret Joshua cared for you like a younger sibling. Of course, he wasn’t always around, he couldn’t be. He had too much to do, too many places to be. But he cared about you, and always made sure you knew. What was a secret were the feelings you had for him, locked in a cage next to your heart, with a bluebird that sang love songs to fuel your adoration for him. Only Jeonghan knew, and he had been sworn to secrecy. (It didn’t matter that he had been - he could keep a secret easily, and he would have never given away one of yours.)

When you were seventeen, and Joshua left you to go to university, that was the first moment you realised just how much you cared for him. You ended up in the same university, and then later the same law school, and now the same city. The years you shared in law school, cuddled up in sofas trying to decipher notes from lectures, and questioning the sanity of professors formed a budding love, and one that you only realised when he left you once more. You followed him and Jeonghan place to place, in a desperate attempt to have him realise just how you felt, and he never did. You were his Y/N, always around, always there for him, but never an option. And while he dated, you did too, but no one seemed to replace him. All your exes blamed Jeonghan for your failed relationships, when they should have blamed Joshua. 

And now here you were once again, back home from cleaning up Wonwoo’s rented warehouse, once again wishing he had noticed you, wishing that he would finally see you in a different light.

Day 2 - Sunday 4th November

“You have to pose more like you’re my boyfriend.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know! But you’re not very good at this.”

Jeonghan groaned, shoving your phone away from his face like a disgraced celebrity. The two of you had met out for coffee and, in your case, highlighting case notes and writing out forms, while Jeonghan edited scripts. You always thought Jeonghan should have gone into law like you and Joshua, he certainly had the intelligence for it, but he didn’t particularly have a drive to become a lawyer, and in his eyes it was too much work if he wasn’t motivated. Times like this convince you that perhaps he was correct. 

Except now that the two of you were dating, there was also the task of creating the evidence necessary to post your relationship, and it was tedious and confusing having to show the difference between you as friends and you dating when nothing has changed. 

“We might as well just post a photo of you or I in lingerie if you want to make it look more like a real relationship.” Jeonghan said teasingly, although you didn’t miss the hint of frustration in the growl of his voice. 

“Gross.”

“Let me see the photos you’ve taken at least.” You handed your phone to Jeonghan, moving your attention back to the case in front of you. Malcom Optics vs. Kim and Hogan. You wanted to tear your eyes out. “These are boyfriend-y enough!”

“They look like all the other photos I have of you!”

“Everyone else was convinced we were dating beforehand, that’s definitely relationship kindling.”

You reached our for your phone from his hands, grabbing a highlighter. “It’s not enough. Apparently, something has changed.”

“Fine then. Kiss me.”

You dropped your highlighter, and it clacked to the floor.

“Excuse me?”

“You wanted to show that something has changed, what do people in relationships do? They kiss.” Jeonghan explained nonchalantly, leaning down to grab your highlighter. “We can post a kissing photo, you’re right, it’s more believable this way.”

“B-But…”

“It’s not like we’ve never kissed before, anyway.”

He was right, and you cringed at the memory of being drunk with Jeonghan. The two of you had spent a couple of nights in university drinking your problems away on the floor of your dorm when your roommate was away (and considering the sheer number of parties she spent her time at, you and Jeonghan had a semi frequent tradition), and one such night after an emotional day of being accused of cheating, you ended up making out with an equally wasted Jeonghan, only for the two of you to wake up with an insurmountable feeling of dread and regret. The two of you had always known whatever relationship between the two of you was platonic, but that night destroyed any sort of wondering. There was no way you had feelings for him if it resulted in that awful dread. And it made you so nervous to experience it once more.

“Y/N?”

“Fine.”

You got up from the desk to sit on Jeonghan’s lap. The seats at this coffee shop were comfortable, but not enough for two people to sit together. Jeonghan felt himself tense up as you settled into his lap. It had been way too long since the two of you kissed, and a strange feeling settled in his stomach.

“Ready?” You asked him, moving your phone into position.

“Guess I have to be.”

Jeonghan placed his hand so his thumb nestled just in front of your ear, holding the back of your neck securely, and closed his eyes as he kissed you, waiting for the click of your phone camera, which came quickly. You quickly pulled away to look at the results, ignoring the way your stomach dropped. It meant nothing. But why was it lingering?

“This actually looks good. We look like we could actually be dating here.”

You hummed in satisfaction, moving back to your desk to focus once more on this case, and you hoped Jeonghan missed the coy smile on your lips. 

He was too busy thinking about how his own felt.

Day 7 - Friday 9th November

“Sofia is hosting a party, we’re going once you’re free from work.” Jeonghan’s voice was gravelly over the phone, and the reception in your office was so bad, you were barely getting every other word.

“Who’s Sofia again?” You asked, hardly paying attention to the question. Instead, your attention was trained on the office door on the other side of your office, where your coworker, Eunwoo, resided. You just watched as two senior partners had stepped in, and it had been now 26 minutes since the door closed. Were they going to promote him over you? Or perhaps he was getting fired? You had seen him grab one too many pens from the office storage room, he could have been selling them to make a bit of side money. Probably not. But could he?

“Vernon’s sister, try to keep up.”

“Right yeah, sister.”

“Who’s sister?”

“Umm…”

Jeonghan sighed on the phone, and you winced at his tone. “You’re working too hard. Or overthinking. One of the two. Either way, you need this party.”

“I’ve got so much work to do, Hannie.” You told him, taking note of the time. There were two shadows by the base of Eunwoo’s door. Someone’s feet? Was the meeting over yet?

“But it’s a Friday! You can work on the weekend. I’ll drive you, and I’ll stay sober so I can take you home. Besides, Joshua is going to be there.”

You perked up at the sound of his name. “Really? He’s actually coming?”

“Yeah, he called me earlier to make sure you and I were coming, and I told him you were. You don’t wanna flake on him, do you?”

You sighed. Your resolve was always diminished when Joshua was involved. 

“Fine.” You smiled, imagining Jeonghan celebrating on the other side of the line. “I have to stay back late though, can you bring me a change of clothes? Something comfy though.”

“Got it, I’ll bring dinner and your sexiest ensemble. Bye!”

“Wait-“

Day 7 (cont.)

Just like he promised, at 7:43, Jeonghan showed up at your office door, with your clothes (which were a lot tighter than you would have liked) in a bag and a pizza box in the other. He settled on the other side of your desk as you finished up, and listened as you bitched about the meeting Eunwoo had which lasted a whole 34 minutes, which is insane for what looked like an unscheduled meeting, and were they really going to pick Eunwoo over you? I mean he’s a good lawyer but the pens!

Eventually he managed to get you to stop talking and follow him to his car before driving you over to Sofia’s new place. She had just moved, to a much more relaxed neighbourhood, hence the big party. While you and your friends were close to or had just reached their 30s, with you being on the cusp at 29 (Jeonghan is old and is already in the decade ahead of you, a fact you have mentioned to him several times), Sofia was still in her early 20s, and that was definitely reflected in the party she had set up (with the help of Vernon, who was perpetually stuck at 16). Music was blaring from the house, and you silently cursed Jeonghan for dragging you out. You knew exactly how this party was going to end - with you drunk, having embarrassed yourself in at least three different ways, and passed out somewhere to nurse a major hangover in the morning. At least this time Jeonghan would stay sober, true to his word, and could take care of you. Hopefully that comes with making sure you don’t embarrass yourself, but you wouldn’t bet on it.

You instinctively reached for his hand as Jeonghan led you to the house, and you were reminded of your job. This was a big party, your friends would be there, you had to play the role you were given. Beside you, Jeonghan was reminded of the same fact.

You almost forgot everything as you approached the front door, and saw him waiting for you. Joshua waved you over, and you felt the air knocked out of you as you and Jeonghan walked up and he engulfed you two in his arms.

“I heard you guys finally started going out! Took you long enough to ask them out, Jeonghan.” Joshua’s voice was honey mellow and so soothing, you were sure just like honey it was antibacterial. You hadn’t even entered the house, and you already felt drunk on his touch. Yet your heart seemed to drop at the fact that Josh didn’t seem at all jealous or upset at this development. That’s probably a good thing? But it definitely wasn’t the outcome you wanted.

“We should get Y/N to the kitchen, I’m sure they want something to get their mind off of work.” Jeonghan told Joshua, who let you slip out of his arms as he led the two of you inside the house.

“Tough week Y/N?” Joshua asked delicately, placing his hand on your shoulder, and every worry you had seemed to drain away, only for the reminder of Eunwoo’s closed door to come right back.

“Just feel like I’m putting in effort that will never be recognised.” You grumbled, and leaned closer into Jeonghan’s side. Joshua’s sweet gaze reminded you of your goal: you wanted so desperately for him to be jealous, so you nuzzled your forehead against Jeonghan’s bicep. “Luckily I’ve had my boyfriend here to make everything better.”

You don’t think you could ever get used to that word, and evidently neither could Jeonghan, who felt as though he was choking on air. You felt the vibrations of his discomfort, but Joshua didn’t seem to notice. 

“Ahh, young love. Or, I suppose newfound love. I really am surprised you two didn’t start dating earlier.” Seungcheol’s voice suddenly permeated the air, and you watched as he settled next to Joshua, facing you and Jeonghan with a friendly gaze. “You drinking tonight, Jeonghan?”

“Designated driver.” He told him, running his thumb up and down your arm. Jeonghan didn’t miss the way Joshua looked at that small action, and he felt a glimmer of pride under his skin. “I think Y/N will want a drink though?”

“Oh god yes, Seungcheol, will you mix me something? Put those bartender days to use.” You hooked your arm around Seungcheol’s and let him guide you to the drink station (Sofia’s kitchen island which had a cupboard fully stocked with alcohol and mixers).

“Wow, you and Y/N.” Joshua smiled, and Jeonghan grinned coyly at his friend. “Why’d you finally ask them out?”

He stole a glance to you and Seungcheol. You didn’t notice his gaze, and why would you? You were too far away. But you seemed so in your world, like you always had been, something Jeonghan found endearing.

“Just realised I wanted more. Didn’t want to lose them to someone else.”

“As if you would ever lose Y/N, you two are stuck together. Honestly, I was a little jealous of it growing up, they would always pick you over me, guess this is another case of that.” Jeonghan hadn’t realised until now how Joshua’s skin was tinted pink, the blush of alcohol settling over his cheekbones. Was that why he was rambling like this? “But then I realised I had to find my own Y/N, make my own soulmate. Anyway, I’m glad you finally asked them out!”

Joshua stumbled back towards the drink station where you and Seungcheol were waiting for him. Yeah, Jeonghan wasn’t too sure he would be able to make Joshua jealous. But he owed it to you to try anyway. You weren’t always as aware as you wanted to think you were, but Jeonghan was, and he was acutely aware of the way you froze and smiled as Joshua approached you.

Over a decade had passed since you were seventeen, and you were still completely whipped for Joshua Hong. 

Jeonghan knew this, he went into this knowing it, but why did it feel different now?

Day 7 (cont.)

Two hours in and you were officially drunk. It didn’t take much - you were out of practise from your days of drinking through the night as an undergrad, and too often your nights our were at charity functions and galas where you had to stay on the safe side of tipsy, and not let loose like you were currently doing. 

You had lost Jeonghan a while ago, instead having spent most of the night with Joshua, catching up and taking shots together. He’d been having a stressful time at his own firm, and was happy to accompany you as you drank your worries about Eunwoo and making partner away.

“It’s just so stupid, cause Eunwoo is my age! He’s not more qualified than me, and he’s definitely not a better lawyer than me, cause he steals pens!”

“You mentioned the pens!”

“It’s important!”

You felt a tear roll down your cheek as you drunkenly recalled the events of the day, and before it several more followed. Joshua didn’t notice, you made no sound, but the stress of being at the office for 53 hours this past week only to get no recognition became so overwhelming so quickly, too quickly for your drunken self to register.

“Josh, did you make Y/N cry?”

You barely registered that Jeonghan had walked up to you until you heard his voice, the voice you had been missing for the whole party. 

“H-Hannie…” You choked out in sobs, reaching your arms out for him. He obliged, pulling you close to him, letting you cry into his torso.

“Y/N, you’re crying?” Joshua questioned, but you could barely hear him, your face pressed against the fabric of Jeonghan’s shirt. It wasn’t a comfortable position, to cry sitting down into someone’s chest, but right now you weren’t thinking about that. 

“Hannie w-where did you g-go, I miss- I missed you.” You sobbed, barely sounding out the words. “St-stupid Eunwoo and h-his stupid pens.”

Jeonghan cooed, running his hand through your hair soothingly. “Maybe we should go home? You need to get to bed. Josh, I’ll see you tomorrow? Say goodnight to Seungcheol for me.”

Jeonghan grasped your hand, pulling you up, and guided you out of the house to the car. 

“Why are we l-leaving?”

“You’re way too drunk. Besides, we’re helping set up Wonwoo’s venue tomorrow, better get some sleep.” Jeonghan reminded you, tucking you into the passenger’s seat and clipping the seat belt around you. You hummed, shuffling until you felt comfy, and curled up as close as you could. Your eyes fluttered closed as the car started, and soon you felt yourself dozing off, the salty tears slipping past your lips.

“You’re such a good boyfriend, Hannie.”

Had you not been so drunk, maybe you wouldn’t have said it so easily. Maybe he would have felt more uneasy about the term. He hadn’t even noticed it until you were well and truly passed out, gone to the world.

Day 8 - Saturday 10th November

The streaming sunlight that peeked through your blinds was enough to awaken the deep nausea within you, yet the banging in your head begged you to stay in bed. This was such a gross hangover, and one you hadn’t had to deal with in years. 

Who let you drink this much?

With as much strength as you could muster, you stumbled to the bathroom, luckily you had an ensuite, and felt the contents of your stomach escape up and out through your throat into the toilet bowl. The base of your throat burned, and so did your eyes, as more tears threatened to escape over the fiery sensation. You stayed there, waiting for another wave of nausea, when you felt Jeonghan’s hands push back the hair from your face, and rub your back soothingly. 

“Why did I drink so much…” You whispered, your voice hoarse and sore.

“You’re just too out of practise, Y/N.” Jeonghan told you, pulling you up slowly. “You need to spend more nights drinking with me and not at the office.”

He handed you a glass of water, which you greedily took from his hands, gulping it down as fast as you could without suffocating, until you went to fast and started coughing it all up. 

“God you’re a mess when you’re hungover.”

“Thanks, Jeonghan.”

He grabbed the box of panadol in your bottom cupboard drawer, handing it to you. God, he was far too familiar with your apartment, although you were fairly familiar with his. Well, actually not quite as familiar, because he still has a roommate (and according to Jeonghan, they are necessary for the nicer apartment he lives in on his salary, even though you’ve told him is useless since he spends most of his time here) that you never wanted to bother.

“We have to be at Wonwoo’s venue in three hours, you think that’s enough time to get ready?” You nodded, swallowing the pills quickly. 

“That should be enough time for the panadol to kick in.”

“Good, because I’m only being this nice to you until then.”

You frowned mockingly. “Don’t you have to be the sweet and caring boyfriend?” You cringed at the way that word sounded as it came out of your mouth, and watched as Jeonghan did too. “God, I don’t think twenty days is enough time to get used to that.”

“I don’t think a lifetime is enough time.” Jeonghan let himself out of the bathroom, leaving you alone on the tiled floor. “Take a shower, then come and get some food!” He yelled, and you closed the door behind you, terrified of whatever horror he had cooked up (and you used the term cooked very loosely here).

Day 8 (cont.)

It had become a tradition for you to start holding hands with Jeonghan when he would drive you. Somewhere along the car ride, his hand met yours, and they joined, not a word to be said. You didn’t think about it. You wondered if he did.

The venue wasn’t too dissimilar to last week, but it was way cleaner. Once again, you and Jeonghan were separated, sent to do different jobs under the watchful eye of Minghao (and his faithful minions Jun and Jihoon). 

“Do you think he gets stressed out or is he just like that?” Sakura whispered to you. She was friends with Wonwoo’s fiance, and wasn’t all too familiar with Wonwoo’s friends. You felt for her, most of the people here were on his side, and you were one of the only people Sakura knew here, having met previously in university. 

“Both? He is a little bit like that, but Wonwoo is a close friend, I think he just wants everything to go well.” You told her in hushed breath. “We all want it to go well. Wonwoo is such a good guy, so is Eliza.”

“I know!” Sakura gushed, a little loud but not enough to catch the attention of Minghao. “They’re so cute together, I was so excited when she told me she finally got engaged.”

You smiled, making marks with electrical tape at each measure for Seungcheol to place chairs at later on. 

“What about you though? Are you going to get engaged any time soon?”

You gulped, feeling awkward under the heat of her questioning gaze. “Jeonghan and I have only started dating, marriage is so out of the picture right now.”

“Don’t be modest! Chan told me you and Jeonghan have basically been together since high school.”

“That’s an exaggeration.” You told her, not meeting her eyes. It felt so strange, so deceitful, to keep up this lie. Were you a bad person for this? It was harmless, just a little lie to keep Jeonghan from Jiwon, but it followed you everywhere.

“We were just friends back then.” We’re just friends now. “We’ve just always been close.”

“Uh huh, and did you have feelings for him all this time?”

Wrong guy.

“I’ve always loved him.” You told Sakura, and she began to giggle once more.

That one wasn’t a lie. You have loved Jeonghan for a very long time. It’s just always been a platonic, simple love. You wondered if it still was, and then you wondered why it wouldn’t be.

But it was clear that no matter what it is, it was no longer simple.

Day 11 - Tuesday 13th November

“Hello?”

“Y/N! It’s Wonwoo.”

“Oh, hey Wonwoo! What’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing! Look, I know I haven’t been hanging out much-“

“Stop, don’t apologise! You’ve been planning a wedding, and we’re all so excited for it!”

“You’re too sweet, Y/N. Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you and Jeonghan!”

“Oh, you heard?”

“Can’t stop hearing about it. Mingyu was being a little pissy when he found out, kept saying this must have been why you didn’t like him back in year 12, instead of the fact that he face planted into a pool in front of the entire year group two days before he confessed to you.”

“I forgot about that!”

“Don’t worry, I put him in his place.”

“Ahh, thank you Wonwoo.”

“Of course. How did it go, by the way? Who asked who out?”

“Oh, I don’t wanna waste your time…”

“No no! Eliza wants to know too, go on.”

“Ahh, well, we were just hanging out one night and… one thing led to another…”

“My god did you fuck him on your leather couch because that poor piece of furniture has seen more than enough-“

“No! No, we made out, jesus Wonwoo.”

“Sorry, sorry, go on.”

“Wait what do you mean seen more than enough?”

“Okay you didn’t hear this from me but you should ask Soonyoung what he got up to that week two years ago when he was house sitting for you.”

“Oh god oh god...”

“Anyway the story?”

“I’m burning that couch.”

“Moving on.”

“Right, well we realised we both had feelings for each other, so we just decided to go for it.”

“That’s so cute! That reminds me of when we were all in uni, I got this call from Jeonghan in the middle of the night-“

“Sorry Wonwoo, the doorbell’s just rung, that’ll be Jeonghan. Do you wanna say hi?”

“Nah, I should get back to wedding planning. Have a good night Y/N!”

“Night Wonwoo.”

You hung up the phone as your door opened, Jeonghan’s figure standing in the doorway.

“I got kebabs!”

You ran up to rip the food out of his hands. “God I love you.”

He grinned smugly. “I know. Let’s eat!”

“Don’t sit there!”

Day 12 - Wednesday 14th November

cheolie_cherries: you guys are sickeningly cute 🤮 🤮 sunshineseok: about time you started dating! julijuli33: oh my god he’s actually taken 😭 good for y/n but we lost today wonworld: congrats guys!!

You couldn’t help but smile at the comments on Jeonghan’s instagram post of the two of you. There was a sneaky one he had taken of you working (which you had called and immediately asked him to take down, and of course he refused), as well as the kiss photo, to really prove the two of you were dating. Looking at it now sent flutters to your stomach. You had never seen yourself like this. Sure, you had dated, but it never really got all that serious, and you weren’t one for PDA, so photos like this were rare. That was probably what was causing this feeling. Right?

“Earth to Y/N.”

You snapped your head up to see Eunchae, your newest paralegal, at the doorway between your office and the hallway, grinning at you with a stack of files in her hand. She walked in, placing them on your desk.

“These need to be checked for errors.” She told you, and you waved her off.

“Got it. Anything else I can help you with?”

“Hmm, you could tell me what it is that’s on your phone making you look so giddy?”

“Nothing!” You quickly yelled, cringing at the volume your voice was raised to. “It was nothing, just having a good morning.”

“Mmm, sure…” She smiled knowingly at you, before walking away, closing the door softly behind her. When you heard the click of the door, you groaned, letting your body fall against the desk. That was too close.

Why were you even ogling? You had work to do, and you would be damned if you spent too long staring at your phone and it cost you the promotion. 

They were announcing the newest junior partner next Friday, making the decision at the end of this week. You had to win. So you turned your phone onto silent and placed it face down on the furthest corner of your desk, burying your head into the paralegal’s work. No matter how much it beckoned you back, you would not lose.

Day 15 - Saturday 17th November

When you and Jeonghan stepped into Wonwoo’s venue the Saturday before the wedding, you were practically expecting a fairytale, and that’s almost what you saw. Minghao had dedicated so much time, you knew Eliza and Wonwoo would be so shocked when they finally saw the finished product.

Still, there was much to be done, and with less and less time, everyone was rushing even more to get as much as they could done. This time, you and Sakura were stringing up fairy lights across the pews for the optimal mood lighting, as Minghao called it, and a fire hazard as Jihoon called it (so they compromised to have it on the ceiling above the pews, meaning you had to stand on a 3 decade old ladder while Sakura tried her best to guarantee it didn’t collapse).

You slowly got down from the stairs, guided down by Sakura, when you saw Joshua waiting for you, and you felt your heart beat out of your chest.

“Hey Y/N, can I borrow you for a sec?” He asked, his deep brown eyes looked through you, as if they knew all your secrets.

“Yeah, I mean, Sakura do you…?”

“No, go ahead, I need a break anyway.”

Joshua offered you his arm, to which you took, and he led you to the corridor, secluded, hidden from prying eyes.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” You asked, waiting for Joshua as he glanced away from your view.

“Look, I really am happy for you, I promise,” He began, and you recoiled slightly, holding your elbows. What was he going to say? “But I’m questioning Jeonghan.”

“Like, as a person?”

“No, as a boyfriend.” The word dripped with malice from Joshua’s lips. “Look, I know you’ve only just started going out, but he went out with a lot of people before you,”

“So did I.”

“Yeah but that’s not the point, Y/N. I’m just saying, he’s putting on this whole show of being a good boyfriend, and being faithful and kind, but he never has been before.” You stood there silently, rocking slightly, but it didn’t seem to stop Joshua. “He’s known you practically all his life, he could have had you at any point, why now? And why is he suddenly acting so different compared to his past relationships?”

Joshua put a hand on your arm gently. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but if I were you, I’d be more suspicious of his motives.” He began rubbing circles into your forearm. “I love you, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“What about Jeonghan? Don’t you care if he gets hurt?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper.

“He’s not the one I’m most worried about.”

You stepped back, and Joshua’s hand quickly dropped from your arm. “I need to go.”

You turned away, and walked back to the venue before he could say anything.

“Just think about what I said, Y/N!” Joshua yelled behind you, but that was the last thing you wanted to do. 

Day 15 (cont.)

You were quiet the rest of the day, feeling more drained from that interaction than the intense physical labour Minghao was making you do (maybe it was the combination of both that killed you). You don’t think anyone noticed, aside from Sakura, who realised you weren’t talking but didn’t say much, but you were terrified of someone else realising, so when Jeonghan approached you with his car keys in his hand you didn’t hesitate to drag him out to the car park before anyone else could follow.

The two of you had been on the road for ten minutes in silence before Jeonghan finally broke it. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Who said anything’s wrong?” You did your best to speak nonchalantly, but Jeonghan didn’t miss the quiver in your voice.

“I’m not an idiot, I can tell when you’re upset.” You were still five minutes from your apartment, you couldn’t dance around it for that long. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Joshua pulled me to the side, asked me if we could talk, and then he told me I should be suspicious of you and your motives.” You admitted, looking out the passenger window. You felt choked up. How could he think like this?

“That’s what you’re worried about, Y/N?” Jeonghan questioned, a slight smile on his lips.

“You’re not?”

“Josh has been super stressed at his firm right? It’s cause one of the senior partners was caught embezzling. That, and he’s the only one of us going to Wonwoo’s wedding without a date.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course he’s going to act weirdly.” He brushed off your concerns with such an ease you forgot why they upset you in the first place. “Don’t take it to heart, I’m sure he’ll get back to normal soon.”

You breathed out a shaky sigh, feeling your doubts subside and settle. 

“It’s cute you were so upset though.” He teased, and you groaned, cupping your face with your hands. “You were so worried about what people thought about me, about your boyfriend.”

“Shut up, Yoon.”

“How can I? My partner cares about me too much.”

“I regret everything.”

He chuckled, stopping his remarks as he watched you calm out the corner of his eye. A secondary realisation as to why Joshua was acting like this was on the front of his mind, but it was nowhere near as comforting. No, this thought was one that was now threatening, and could result in losing you forever. 

Jeonghan didn’t want to think about the implications of Joshua being jealous. Instead, he focused on you, and the way you stared out the passenger window.

Day 15 (cont.)

“Have you still got that 12-pack at the back of your fridge?”

“Go nuts.” You told him, kicking your shoes off and lying down on the carpet on the floor. You and Jeonghan had made a mutual decision to pretend the couch wasn’t there until after Wonwoo’s wedding, then you could go shopping for a new one, and until then there was always the floor. “I haven’t been drinking much, trying to just get through this wedding and the promotion.”

“How’s that going?” Jeonghan asked, and you heard the faint pop of a bottle opener from your kitchen.

“They said they would make their decision on who would be the next junior partner by the end of the week, and make the announcement the next week. It’s Saturday now, and I haven’t heard anything, so I know what that means.”

Jeonghan settled next to you, handing you an opened beer bottle and clinking it against his own before taking a swig. “Don’t be too worried, maybe they’ll tell you you’re getting the promotion on Monday.”

“Maybe.”

“You give your everything to that firm. They’d be stupid to not want you as partner.”

“They would be stupid! How’s your boss?”

The two of you spent your evening reminiscing and complaining (two of your favourite pastimes) as you drank more and more, getting gradually more drunk, unlike on the night of Sofia’s party where you got embarrassingly shitfaced way too quickly. At some point in the night, you had cozied up to Jeonghan, and now you were nuzzled up in his arms, too comfortable to even consider moving. 

“God, this whole thing is so stupid!” You yelled, throwing your pillow across the room with as much force as you could gather, sending it a few feet ahead of you. “We gotta fake date to get people off your back and onto mine, meanwhile Joshua’s not gotten jealous once and we haven’t even seen Jiwon!”

“Don’t say her name three times, or she’s gonna appear.” Jeonghan told you, wide eyed, taking a quick look around the room just to confirm she wasn’t there. 

“Pussy.”

“She’s coming to the rehearsal dinner though!” Jeonghan told you, wagging his pointer finger in the air, making you giggle. “And that’s Friday, so it’s coming up soon.”

“Ahh the rehearsal dinner. What are we rehearsing again?”

“We’re rehearsing how to fake date, Y/N, we’ve been over this.”

“And we have a whole dinner for it?”

“Yes! How kind of Wonwoo.”

You burst into fits of laughter, lolling your head into the crook of Jeonghan’s shoulder as you laughed, and he followed suit. Moments like this were ones where you felt so comfortable with him, like the bubble was intact once more. 

“We should start rehearsals now!” Jeonghan exclaimed, grabbing your elbows excitedly. “What do people in relationships do?”

You shrugged, and his arms moved with your shoulders. “I don’t know, you’re basically my first boyfriend.”

“Well you’re the first time I’m being a boyfriend.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted, giggling. The two of you were so far gone, and neither of you had the capacity to realise it. “But I know people in relationships kiss! Kiss me Y/N!”

“Ew gross, you have cooties.” You pushed away his pouted lips.

“No I don’t! I’m vaccinated against cooties!” He whined, pulling you closer to him.

“What if I have cooties?”

“Just kiss me!”

Jeonghan grabbed your face, guiding it to his own, where his lips met yours in a kiss. It was delicate, a kiss for the sake of kissing, and you relished in the feeling. There was a comfort to kissing Jeonghan, a comfort you hadn’t felt for several years. He was comfort, and his kisses were a perfect specimen of that comfort. Kissing him was returning home after a winter’s day.

But decisions were sobering, and the feeling of your lips against his suddenly drained all the alcohol from Jeonghan’s body. He pulled away slowly to see you still half lidded, barely aware of your surroundings. He stole a glance at the clock on the wall, 2AM. Maybe the two of you should end the night here, before you did something you couldn’t go back from.

“Time to sleep, Y/N.”

“Don’t wanna.” You shrugged him off. “Wanna kiss you more!”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Me too. But we can’t.”

As he tucked you into bed, you were already on the verge of passing out, but he was wide awake. Jeonghan found himself hoping the hangover would be a bad one, a distraction from the memories he knew would flood back. He didn’t need to be reminded of how stupid he could be.

Day 16 - Sunday 18th November

Your hangover wasn’t as bad as last Saturday, but you still didn’t feel like dealing with the pounding headache. This time, as you went to wash your face and drink water in the bathroom, there was no Jeonghan to hold your hair back and give you panadol. He wasn’t in the kitchen causing a mess (cooking) either. No, your apartment was strangely quiet without his presence. As the pain in your head began to subside, you checked your phone to see a message sent three hours prior.

Hannie: work emergency - had to leave early. drink lots of water <3

Something felt so off about the message. Jeonghan’s boss was fairly laidback, and he had never had work emergencies that made him go to the studio on weekends. But you were also way too hungover to question it.

You hoped Jeonghan’s hangover had already passed. 

Day 18 - Monday 20th November

You called Jeonghan twice. It went to voicemail both times.

Day 19 - Wednesday 21st November

There was a flurry among the paralegals that day. You tried to ignore it, to keep your head down, but the amount of papers flapping in the air made you feel like there was a hoard of pigeons down the corridor. You hated the ‘open door unless in a meeting’ policy at work: half of the lawyers your level didn’t even follow the rule anyway. You wouldn’t have followed it had you not wanted so desperately to show what a good team member you were, and yet here you were, on a Wednesday afternoon, with nothing to show you it.

There was an annoying rap against your open door, and you briefly lifted your head to see Cha Eunwoo leaning against your doorframe. Eugh. Cha Eunwoo. The two of you were in the same cohort: graduated from high school in the same year, graduated from uni at the same time, went to the same law school, and both went straight to Kim-Byun Legal Services, where you’ve spent the entirety of your careers. And throughout law school and now work, you have wanted to beat Cha Eunwoo no matter the cost, and you never managed it.

“Can I help you? I’ve got quite a bit of work to complete.”

Eunwoo waltzed right in, taking the seat in front of your desk. “I have news, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“Do I even get a chance to say no? Not interested?”

Eunwoo was smart. You were smart too, but you liked to think (and Jeonghan liked to tell you) that you were smarter than most of those law students you competed against. Sure, they studied hard, they were good lawyers. But you were quick witted, and they couldn’t keep up. Eunwoo could. If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t be opposed to playing dirty, to pulling little tricks where you could to show him up, but Eunwoo would catch on. The only thing he didn’t seem to notice was how desperate you were to beat him. He never realised the battle you constantly fought, and it killed you. So you had to work twice as hard, three times as much, and play by the rules, just to win a challenge where you were the only one competing.

“I made partner!”

(At this point you stopped writing. This was the first time Eunwoo had ever managed to completely distract you.)

“I’m not supposed to tell anyone before Friday, that’s when they’re announcing it. But I get the new contract this evening, and you and I came in together, I know you would tell me if it was you!”

No shit you would. You would love to act all classy and poised, only to rub it in his face that you won! You did better! But no, Eunwoo won. Throughout everything, this was the first concrete time he’s won, and it’s shattered your reserve. You’re a good actor though, something that helped you get through this job, so you keep your head down.

“That’s great Eunwoo, congratulations. We’ll celebrate properly next week, I’ve got a rehearsal dinner on Friday though.” You met his gaze with a smile, even though there was rage behind it. Eunwoo didn’t seem to notice. “Now, I’ve got to get back to work.”

He nodded, barely containing his grin, shuffling out of your office. “See you later Y/N.”

God you wanted to cry. You wanted to yell and scream, cursing the world, the senior partners, and most of all Cha Eunwoo, who had showed you up once more.Your composure was slipping, a veil that threatened to fall off your head and reveal your facade to the world, but you refused to lose it at work. Instead, you closed the door as gently as you could, and hoped to god that the third time you called him, Jeonghan would pick up.

“Please, please, please pick up…” You whispered, as if you were summoning him.

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

Fuck. Voicemail. Once again.

You heard a beep and considered hanging up, but instead decided to send a message.

“Hey, um, I don’t know if you’re just busy, or you’re mad at me, I really hope it’s not the second. I haven’t heard from you in a while. That’s why I’m calling, I guess. Oh, and I’m not gonna be partner. I got passed over for it. Cha fucking Eunwoo made partner. Fuck. Sorry, I’m rambling now. I hope you’re doing okay? You know you can always come to me, but if you don’t want to that’s okay I guess, I’ll leave you be.”

Day 19 (cont.)

When you went home that day to punch your pillows and scream about Cha Eunwoo, the last thing you expected was to see Yoon Jeonghan walk in with chicken and beer as if nothing had happened, which was especially strange, as it was so expected on a normal day. But something was off. Something had changed. You just couldn’t quite put your thumb on what it was. 

“Are you mad at me?” You asked, your eyes more glassy than you realised. You could barely see Jeonghan, but you knew he had that stupid damn smile. Right now it was infuriating. “Is that why you disappeared?”

“No, never.” He told you, setting the chicken down on your dinner table. “Things really have just been so busy at work, I’ve barely had time for anyone.”

“But you have time to drop by with chicken?”

“Cha Eunwoo is an idiot compared to you.” Jeonghan told you, opening the can of beer with a hiss. “They missed out on not promoting you.”

You didn’t say anything in response, just stuffing your mouth with chicken. Jeonghan passed you a beer can. “Maybe I shouldn’t. I’ve got work in the morning, and last time we drank I didn’t remember anything after we started bitching about that one actor, Park Sunwoo.”

Jeonghan smiled at you, but you barely noticed, your expression trained on the can in front of you.

“Yeah, I don’t remember either,” He told you. “But one can’t hurt. We drank way too much last time, I’ll keep you in check.”

You shrugged, opening the can, and clinking it against Jeonghan’s. “Thanks boyfriend.” The metal made a satisfying clank noise, and you missed the way Jeonghan looked over at you. Maybe it’s changed, or maybe you’ve been missing it for a long time.

Jeonghan is your blind spot. You didn’t like surprises, you didn’t like feeling caught out, and you would always make sure you weren’t, until it came to Jeonghan. No matter how fast you ran, he always seemed to beat you by a few seconds. No matter how strong you were, he could always lift more. You and Jeonghan both had that same competitive drive, but you could never quite match him. As a teenager it pushed you to be better and better, but you’ve come to accept it. You’ll never beat Jeonghan. That’s why it’s always better to be on his side. 

You were observant, but you let your guard down around him. That was how Jeonghan won. He never let his guard down around anyone. He didn’t need to have it up around you, he didn’t keep secrets from you (and you didn’t keep them from him). But he kept everything close to his chest, and he wouldn’t let himself get caught out at any moment.

You wondered if it was hard for him to never reveal himself fully. You knew he still kept to himself around you. It was the only way he could still play tricks, pull pranks, and he loved it. He wouldn’t stay reserved if he didn’t want to. Still, it’s tough to feel like you can never fully reveal your facade. 

But there were moments he did. Like tonight, as he tucked you into bed once you fell asleep, and kissed your forehead with a sweetness he didn’t know was there. Maybe he would reveal it to you one day, but all in good time. 

You didn’t like feeling caught out. Jeonghan hated it with everything he’s got.

Day 21 - Friday 23rd November

“How are you feeling about seeing Jiwon?” Jeonghan didn’t answer, but the grip he had on your hand tightened as he stared down at the road. 

He and Jiwon were a bad match. He knew that, he knew that from the moment they met and she started talking about having a husband around at home to help with the kids one day. Jeonghan knew he could never be that. Sure, he had daydreamed about settling down, raising a family. Jeonghan could never be the husband Jiwon wanted him to be. Could never be the husband he wanted to become. But she was just so pretty, and she would stare down at him with a feverish grin that just made him weak in the knees, how could he say no to her?

So for three weeks, they went out, which for Jeonghan just meant promises of another day he never intended to keep so he could get back to her apartment. But she fully intended on keeping those promises, and soon she was the one setting up dates, and changing her name in his phone (which really freaked Jeonghan out, because, when did she have access to his phone?) to seem more like a girlfriend. Maybe Jeonghan wanted a girlfriend, but he definitely didn’t want to be a boyfriend, and now he was stuck acting one.

Jiwon didn’t believe him when he told her weeks later that they were incompatible. Why would she? She believed every lie that dripped from his lips, and couldn’t wrap her head around why it suddenly changed overnight. She thought he was lying, just trying to keep her away, but a good girlfriend doesn’t give up so easily.

And so began the midnight calls, the uninvited show ups to his workplace or his apartment (Seungcheol definitely had a fun time telling her off, not that it kept her away), and the letters slid under your door begging for your help getting Jeonghan back. This is what led to the whole thing. She seemed to calm down once Jeonghan posted you on his instagram, but neither of you could predict what she would do when she saw you together. 

She was Eliza’s sister in law (Eliza’s brother’s wife’s sister, who just had to attend), so her attendance was expected, and you knew it made Jeonghan all the more nervous, especially in the way he would speed round corners. It didn’t frighten you, but worry for your friend escaped you anyway, and you squeezed his hand whenever the car revved. 

Jeonghan pulled into the street along Wonwoo’s house, seeing cars littered along the side, and Jeonghan pulled the car into park. You took his hand off the gear shift and brought it to your lips, kissing it comfortingly. “Everything’s gonna be alright. I promise.”

“You promise?” He took a glance at you, and smiled cheekily. “Well what happens if you break the promise? What do I get?”

“I’ll cook you an actually decent brekkie to apologise, not those rubber pancakes you’ve been serving me these past few weeks.”

“Hey! You love those pancakes!”

“The texture is so chewy and terrible Jeonghan, I’m begging you to just use a recipe.”

“I don’t need one.” He huffed, but he never let go of your hand.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. Honestly, he was right. You did love the pancakes. Of course, they were way too chewy and tasted of nothing without lashings of sugar and lemon, but you loved that Jeonghan had been making them for you all the past mornings you had spent together. 

“Cmon, it’s time to head inside.”

The two of you walked hand in hand towards the door, and you could feel the deep breaths Jeonghan took to calm his pulsing heart. He really didn’t want to cause a scene or do anything to ruin Wonwoo’s rehearsal dinner (or god forbid the actual wedding), but he felt so much more secure with your hand in his.

You weren’t surprised to see Wonwoo’s place completely packed. He and Eliza were having a fairly small wedding, but with the sheer number of family members on Eliza’s side, their starter apartment was bursting at the seams. You held onto Jeonghan as tightly as you could, and still you felt like he was slipping from your grasp.

“Y/N! Jeonghan!” A familiar voice greeted you, and you turned to see Jun greet you. You hugged him gently as he started going on about seating plans (there wasn’t much of a plan, with half of the guests eating off of paper plates on the floor, but Wonwoo had made sure to save his nice carpet for you and a few of his friends). “Don’t worry, the two of you are together, of course. Minghao stayed up all night setting up this seating chart.” You scanned your eyes to see who was attending, and saw most of your friends, minus one. 

“Is Joshua here?” You cut Jun off with a worried look. “He was acting really weird last Saturday.”

“Yeah, he’s helping out in the kitchen.” Jun told you, pointing down past the archway to where there was (hopefully steam) pouring out. “He seemed fine to me though, he’s probably over whatever it was. Oh! Mingyu’s just arrived. He’s so late, that goddamn best man should have been here an hour ago! Got to run.”

Jun rushed past you, leaving Jeonghan and you hand in hand in the entryway. Jeonghan turned to look at you. “Is this a I want to see Joshua and flaunt our thriving and perfect relationship at him so he gets jealous?”

You pushed his shoulder. “No. It’s an I think I should be avoiding him thing. I’m still a little shocked by what he told me.”

Jeonghan smiled down at you. “Good luck avoiding him when we’re sitting with him at dinner.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you really have to pay more attention to Jun’s rambles. They often contain useful information.”

You groaned, leaning your head against his arm. He smiled, leading you towards the carpet, where Seokmin and Seungkwan were already seated. You waved a hello towards them, not wanting to remove yourself from Jeonghan’s side.

“God these two are way too cute together.” Seokmin spoke, nudging Jeonghan’s side. 

You blushed, hiding your face as much as you could. Jeonghan was almost shocked at your display, you were far too good at playing the doting S/O, but it was working. He watched the way Joshua stared at you from the kitchen doorway. He knew without a doubt from the way Joshua looked over at you how jealous he was. That was what he wanted, right?

After a few minutes of small talk, Joshua eventually sat down next to you (even though there was a free space between to Jeonghan and Seokmin, which Jihoon ended up filling, with his husband settling in next to him) and the rehearsal dinner began. Luckily, with Minghao as wedding planner, there was never a free moment for Joshua to steal your attention. Jeonghan wasn’t sure if you or him was more glad about the fact, but he kept an arm around you at all times, separating your shoulder from Joshua’s. 

As the dinner went on, with less formality and more people moving around the space to congratulate the future couple and catch up with old friends, your ‘table’ settled into a comfortable talk. Jun was right, Joshua seemed fine, which only made Jeonghan feel more uneasy. It helped settle your nerves though, and Jeonghan realised your grip on his side had loosened, and you were leaning towards Joshua ever so slightly. No one else at the table would realise, but Jeonghan knew, and he was sure Joshua did too.

“Honestly I’m still surprised Jeonghan actually had the guts to ask Y/N out.” Seokmin said offhandedly, and you looked up at Jeonghan with a cute grin. You were so good at playing the role, but why didn’t it feel like a role anymore? Jeonghan must be losing his touch if he was falling for your act. 

Joshua took a sip of his wine, smiling as he spoke. “We all thought you two would never get a date before you realised you liked each other. Good thing you finally manned up to it, Jeonghan.”

Your gaze suddenly snapped towards the crowd. “Why does everyone always assume Jeonghan asked me out?” Jeonghan tensed, and everyone surrounding you looked away from your inquisitive gaze. Joshua opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by Jiwon’s commanding presence. 

She was so short and petite, keeping to herself, but she walked with such a force that commanded attention. Her eyes were trained not on Jeonghan, but instead focused closely on you. 

“And who did ask who out?” She asked sweetly, but you felt your tongue go numb under her gaze. 

Jeonghan held you closer to his side, and you settled into him with comfort. “We kissed, and both decided to go for it. It was mutual.”

She hummed, still staring at you. “Well. I’m happy for you two.” And with that, she turned on the ball of her foot, walking away like nothing happened. You let out a shaky breath, and felt Jeonghan do the same. As Seungkwan and Seokmin started hissing gossip about Jiwon, you reached out for Jeonghan’s hand, relishing in the comfort of his touch. 

“God she’s terrifying.” You told him in a whisper. “At least it’s over.”

He grinned at you. “Damn, I was looking forward to your breakfast in bed special.”

“You think I’m serving you in my bed? You would spill it everywhere, no way am I cleaning up that mess.”

“You wound me, babe.”

Jeonghan knew Joshua was staring, maybe that’s why when the urge to kiss you overcame him, he took it, placing a kiss on your cheek, as close to your lips as he could get. You let him, only to wonder why well and truly after.

Day 22 - Saturday 24th November

You were awoken by the now familiar smell of Jeonghan’s rubber chicken pancakes, and you followed the smell out to the kitchen.

“How do you always manage to wake up before me?”

“You always sleep in way too late.” He told you, flipping a pancake onto your plate and pushing it towards you. “Last day!”

“Huh?”

“It’s the wedding today. After today, we will no longer be officially dating.”

“Oh, right.”

You didn’t realise how quickly three weeks could pass. There was a strange sense of dread that passed through your system, although you blamed the pancakes. It felt weird that after everything, tomorrow all would be as it was before, as if this whole ordeal never happened. 

“We’re gonna have to stage a breakup, of course.” Jeonghan told you, still flipping pancakes. “But we can plan that out tomorrow. In the meantime eat up! We’ll have to leave in an hour.”

You nodded along, feeling too tired to speak so early in the morning (10:30). Jeonghan sat down next to you, shovelling down pancakes as quickly as he could (how he managed to chew through those was a mystery to you) before excusing himself to your bathroom while you continued eating. God, why were these so salty today? Jeonghan’s latest prank, you suspected, but you didn’t have the strength to confront him, especially once you heard the splash of the shower turning on. You began cleaning dishes, not waiting for Jeonghan to finish showering before you stole the hot water, and giggled as you heard his shrieks. Hopefully the wedding would give you a little bit more energy.

Day 22 (cont.)

You and Jeonghan arrived at the warehouse at 11:40. You still had a few minutes before the ceremony would begin, and knowing how these things tended to go, you knew you had plenty of time. You walked hand in hand with Jeonghan, and tried not to think about how this was the last time you would be able to as you settled into a pew. Soon after, Joshua sat down next to you, clearly dateless. He didn’t say anything, and aside from a nod of recognition, you didn’t say anything to him either, instead choosing to rest your head on Jeonghan’s shoulder. 

Silence is comforting, whenever it’s done right. With you and Jeonghan, silence never felt awkward, it was just a frame of being with him. It was relaxed, you felt no need to fill the air with meaningless speak. Your silence was interrupted as Seungcheol ran up to Jeonghan.

“Han, we need your help. Wonwoo can’t find his cufflinks, he’s dropped them somewhere, and it is freaking Mingyu out, please come look.”

Jeonghan looked at you, but you smiled. “Go help them. I’ll be right here.” He hurriedly followed Seungcheol to Wonwoo’s dressing room, cursing him under his breath.

You were left alone with Joshua, and the silence suddenly felt suffocating. It didn’t seem to bother him, as he spoke quietly about the venue. “Isn’t it all so gorgeous? Minghao really did a great job pulling this off.”

You hummed, leaning over to point out the fairy lights strung along the ceiling. “See those? That was all me.”

“Ahh, I was wondering. They’re my favourite.”

You smiled, and Joshua turned to face you properly. “I’m sorry about what I said, Y/N. I didn’t mean to scare you. I think I was just jealous.”

Your eyes widened. You felt strangely off guard. “Jealous?”

“Yeah. I just broke things off with Heejin, and then having not dated anyone seriously in, I think ever, Jeonghan suddenly lands a great person like you.” He admitted shyly, squeezing your shoulder with his hand. 

“I landed him, too.” You reminded him, but you could barely process what you were saying as you realised he hadn’t moved his hand. 

“Of course. You two are good together.” He told you, and you smiled.

“We are.”

Day 22 (cont.)

The pop of a champagne bottle was one you couldn’t miss. As you entered the reception hall, your eyes gravitated towards the bar, and you pulled Jeonghan along with you. 

“I can’t believe how many of our friends are married now.” You told Jeonghan as you waited for the bartender to return with your drinks (or water, in Jeonghan’s case. He was determined to stick to his word until the very end). “First Seungcheol, then Soonyoung - who even saw that one coming - then Jihoon and now Wonwoo.”

“We’re getting into that phase of our lives.” He shrugged. “Makes sense to me.”

“Yeah but what about you and me? We’ve never even properly dated.” You pouted. “What happens when they all leave us?”

“Then we’ll have each other.” He told you. “Have you already started drinking? The reception’s only just begun.”

You grinned sheepishly. “We got here late! Anyway, it’s been such a hellish few weeks! Let me have this.” The bartender approached you with a shot glass that you quickly downed, and you pulled Jeonghan to your assigned seats (next to each other, of course). You were greeted by the same table as the night before, and you waved to Seokmin and Jihoon who sat opposite you. 

“Where’s Joshua?” You asked, and giggled when Seungkwan pointed towards the flailing figure on the dance floor. 

“He’s already drunk and living his best life.”

“Good for him!”

At the mention of his name, Joshua stumbled over, grabbing your hands in an attempt to pull you to the dance floor with him. You looked over at Jeonghan, your boyfriend for only a few more hours, but he waved you off. “Go enjoy yourself.”

You grinned, letting Joshua lead you. Jeonghan smiled as he watched you, his chest tugging with a strange feeling. 

“Why’d you let him take Y/N?” Jihoon asked. “You know he likes them.”

The tugging in his chest felt stronger, but Jeonghan ignored it. “As long as they’re having fun.”

It doesn’t matter anyway. They like him too.

Seokmin and Seungkwan eventually joined them, and Jihoon and his husband went dancing as well. Jeonghan instead placed his attention on his phone, flipping through all the stories of Wonwoo’s wedding venue he had been tagged in. There was one, posted by Soonyoung, that he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes from. You were in the corner, next to Jeonghan, and there was something so sweet about the way you stared at him. It was dangerous, convincing him of something that wasn’t real. 

“Hey Jeongie.”

Jeonghan looked up to see Jiwon, sat in the seat that once belonged to you. She had that same cat like gaze that made him fall for her initially, but now he felt nothing. He really was bad at committing, he couldn’t even commit to finding Jiwon attractive.

“Hi Jiwon. What are you doing here?”

She cooed, running her hand up and down his arm, much to Jeonghan’s discomfort. He looked away, breaking the eye contact she was trying to keep. 

“Did you leave me for Y/N?” She asked, tutting under her breath. “I remember everything you told me, how they’ve never really dated. They’re not partner material, Jeongie, I am.”

“I didn’t leave you for Y/N,” He began, a shiver trailing up his spine. “We ended it because I didn’t want to date you any more. Y/N came after that.”

Jiwon leaned close, her lips barely separate from Jeonghan’s ear, and he couldn’t lean any further back in his chair. “Maybe not for long. They don’t seem to like the way we’re talking.”

Jeonghan tore Jiwon’s hand from his arm, looking to the dance floor to see tears close to spilling out of your eyes. When you met his gaze, you ran away, not willing to let him see you like this. Why did it feel this way? Joshua glared at Jeonghan, and quickly followed you as you ran down the corridor. 

“Jiwon just stop!” Jeonghan raised his voice, cringing at the volume (and the heads that turned towards the commotion). “It’s over, just leave me alone, please.”

He ignored her whimpered sobs as he got out of his seat and scrambled to find you, but the sounds of Jiwon crying made him feel awful. He didn’t exactly handle their relationship well, and he wasn’t handling what was left of yours well either. 

As he ran to find you, his heard lurched when he heard your own voice muffled by cries.

“It’s s-so dumb…”

“Clearly he was just trying to make her jealous, Y/N.” What was Joshua telling you? 

“He wasn’t doing that.”

“You don’t deserve someone who will use you.”

Jeonghan couldn’t deny the guilt those words caused on his poor heart. Sure, you knew what was happening, but he was still using you, wasn’t he? It was his idea to start this whole fake dating thing.

“I wouldn’t use you like that.”

“Josh…”

Just as he had caught up to the sound of your voice, Jeonghan caught a glimpse of you in Joshua’s embrace, with his lips on yours. And his aching heart shattered.

You pulled away from Joshua to see Jeonghan’s forlorn expression, a sight you don’t think you had ever seen before. 

“Hannie, I promise, it’s not what it-“

“Looks like? What a cliche Y/N.” He scoffed, moving away from you.

“Hey man, I kissed them.” Joshua spoke, dropping a protective arm over you, one that weighed you down and you wriggled out of quickly. “Besides, serves you right for using Y/N to make Jiwon jealous.”

“You’re so fucking stupid Joshua.” Jeonghan spat. “They were using me to make you jealous, looks like it worked, huh?”

“No, Jeonghan, wait-“

“Deal’s off, Y/N. We’re no longer dating.”

And he ran. And no matter how fast you ran too, you knew you wouldn’t be able to catch up to him.

Day 23 - Sunday 25th November

You woke up on Wonwoo’s couch with a massive headache and chest pain, although you knew only one of those was due to your hangover. He and Eliza ended up taking you home, luckily they weren’t going on their honeymoon for another week. Wonwoo was rubbing your back as you vomited, and the worst pain was knowing that it would never be Jeonghan doing this role anymore.

“I still don’t get it.” He admitted. “Although most of these weeks have been a blur for me.”

“I’m not really supposed to tell you.” You told him, sipping the glass of water in your hands. “We made these rules.”

“Tell me anyway, because no matter what it is it’s not worth losing him forever.”

You sighed, and settled against the tiled floor. “It’s a long story.”

“It’s a Sunday. Quit stalling and tell me what happened.”

“Fine fine!” You gasped, shoving Wonwoo slightly. “So pushy.”

“You know how Jiwon wouldn’t leave Jeonghan alone?” Wonwoo nodded along with your story. “Well, we knew she would be at the wedding, and Jeonghan really wanted her to take the hint that he wasn’t interested, so we decided to date. Well, fake date. Just to get her off his back.”

“And you agreed to this?”

“I didn’t really want to? But…”

“You were in love with Joshua.” You stared at Wonwoo in shock. He smiled back at you. “You’re not as difficult to read as you like to think you are. Maybe the other idiots we call friends can’t see it, but it was fairly obvious to me.”

“But you didn’t realise Jeonghan and I weren’t actually together?”

“Just continue the story already.”

“Well yeah. Jeonghan convinced me we could make Joshua jealous, so I agreed. We said we wouldn’t tell anyone, and we would post about it online so everyone believed it was real, and then once Jiwon backed off at the wedding, we would call it off.” You recalled the story, rubbing your head as the pain settled and you felt like your skull was cracking open. “God do you have any painkillers?”

“I don’t really get hangovers.”

“You lucky bitch.”

“What happened at the reception, Y/N?”

You cringed at the flood of memories. Most of the time when you got drunk and made bad decisions, your brain saved you the embarrassment of remembering everything. This time, you couldn’t escape the images. Of Jiwon and Jeonghan, of the way Jeonghan looked at you, the way he ran away from you. 

“Joshua and I were dancing, and when I looked back I saw Jiwon flirting with Jeonghan.” You gulped, feeling an all too familiar lump in your throat. “And I ran off.”

“Why’d you run?”

“I don’t know. And then Joshua kissed me, and I thought it would be perfect, but it felt wrong.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know! And then Jeonghan saw, and I don’t know why but he was so upset, and then he left. He left me, Wonwoo.”

“You really don’t know why he was upset?” Wonwoo questioned, and you met his gaze with a confused expression. “Even after all this time, Jeonghan can still surprise you, wow.”

“What do you know?”

“I know that just like you, Jeonghan is not as difficult to read as he thinks he is.” Wonwoo told you, stroking your hair. “Nine years ago, at 2:30 in the morning, I got a call from Jeonghan, who was so excited because he finally got the nerve to kiss you, and he went for it. And then the next day, nothing. And you two continued this dance around never going out, even when everyone could see how much you liked each other.”

“That’s not true, I don’t like Jeonghan.”

“Then why is Jiwon bothering you? Why did you even agree to this whole thing? There are easier ways to get close to Joshua that don’t involve pretending to date your best friend.”

“I…” For once, you didn’t have anything to say.

“You do know, Y/N. You have to stop acting so blind when it comes to Jeonghan. All the signs are there, you just don’t want to address them.”

He offered you his hand, pulling you up off of the bathroom floor. “Want to know why we all thought Jeonghan asked you out? It’s because we all knew he likes you. It’s actually pretty obvious.”

Day 24 - Monday 26th November

There was a knocking at your door. This wasn’t like Jeonghan’s courtesy knocks before he let himself into your house, this was a gentle knock that barely reverberated through the room. 

You walked up to let Joshua into your house. He was shocked to see you like this - tear stricken cheeks, eyes and nose red and running. 

“You look…”

“Shit, I know.” You finished for him. “What do you want, Joshua?”

“I wanted to apologise.” He looked over your shoulder expectantly.

“Fine, come in, but you can’t come any further than the entryway. I just don’t want everyone to be spectators of this.”

Joshua followed you in, shuffling awkwardly. He acted as if he had never been in your apartment before. You weren’t entirely sure he had been. You let him shut the door gently behind him, and you leaned against the wall, blocking him from moving any closer in. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you while you were dating Jeonghan. I’m sorry.”

You clicked your tongue, not moving position. “Yeah, that was messed up. You’re Jeonghan’s friend. You’re my friend. I felt like you were just fighting over me to compete with him.”

“Y/N, that’s not true.” He reached his hand out to caress your arm, but you pulled it back. 

“What’s even been going on with you?” You asked. “I’ve barely seen you since your breakup, none of us have, and you were a total dick the whole time Jeonghan and I were dating.”

Joshua scoffed, and you gasped at his attitude. “Yeah well you guys weren’t actually together though, right?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!” He raised his voice as he began to yell. “Why are you upset? It’s not like you were cheating or anything, it wasn’t real.”

“Are you kidding? You didn’t know we weren’t actually together! What’s your excuse?”

“My excuse is that according to Jeonghan, the only reason you were even pretending to date was to make me jealous, and now you’re upset that it worked? I’m jealous. I’m jealous that Jeonghan got to go out with you and play the part of boyfriend, even if it was fake.”

“That’s not the reason.”

“Oh, so you didn’t want to make me jealous?”

He was staring at you with an intensity you hadn’t seen since law school, and it reminded you of the Joshua you once knew. The Joshua you fell for. And as you met his gaze, you realised all your feelings for him were gone. Every desire for him to fall for you like you had fallen for him had dissipated, because you weren’t sure you had ever fallen for him. You loved his drive, maybe that was all you loved. 

“I did.”

“So what changed?”

“What do you think, Josh?”

He scoffed, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Of course. Of course I can’t beat him.”

“Joshua…”

“No, just,” He sighed, shuffling away from you. “Why do you always choose him?”

“I don’t, but I’m choosing him now.” You told him, And you were. After twenty two days with Jeonghan, Joshua didn’t feel as important to you anymore. 

Joshua turned to leave your apartment. “Josh.” He looked at you, and you met his gaze for the last time. “You should have kissed me all the years I was pining after you, not once I wasn’t an option anymore. Maybe it would have been different.”

He left without another word, and your door shut so gently as he left. 

Day 25 - Tuesday 27th November

You hadn’t been blocked. You could still see the messages, you knew he was reading them, he just wouldn’t respond. He wasn’t picking up either.

“Cmon Jeonghan…” You whispered under your breath. “Please just pick up.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

You groaned at the now too familiar sound of his voicemail. Was he ever going to talk to you again?

Okay, it was kind of your fault. Had it been anyone else, this would have felt so obvious, but you were so oblivious when it came to Jeonghan, and now here you were, pining for your best friend, hoping he would finally return. 

“Hey Han,” You started talking, but you had no idea what to say. The only thoughts running through your mind were please just come back to me, but you weren’t sure how to say that without bursting into tears. “I, uh, I really want to talk to you, please. I miss you.”

You hung up, only to find your fingers reaching for the contact once more.

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“Hi again. I want you to know that, umm, I spoke to Wonwoo. He called me an idiot, basically.” You chuckled as you recounted that morning, although you knew Jeonghan probably wouldn’t be laughing as he listened. If he listened. If you two weren’t… wherever this had led you, you know he would probably laugh at that, but he wasn’t here anymore. “I didn’t know. I should have known, but I didn’t, and I just really want to talk to you. Please.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“Hey, um, I didn’t like the kiss. The one with Joshua. I think I did kiss him back? But I didn’t like it. I would choose our posed cafe kiss so much sooner than the one he gave me. I don’t even want it. Please talk to me.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“It was so stupid of me to be jealous of Jiwon. I know you don’t like her, I just, I was so drunk and stressed out, I freaked out. It was so so stupid, and I’m sorry, but I hope you know that it was jealousy because I wanted to be in her place. God, this is so embarrassing.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“I don’t think I like Joshua? I know, drastic turn. I think I just looked up to him, growing up. He’s always been so out of reach and ahead of everyone else, I think I mistook it for love when it wasn’t. I don’t love him.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“I know I fucked up. Well, Joshua fucked up most of all, but I shouldn’t have run off like that. But you ran too. You didn’t let me explain. And last week, you disappeared. I know you said you were busy but it felt like you were running from me? And I fucked up because I ran, so you’re no better than me.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“Please ignore what I just said. I’m not upset with you. Well, actually, I am. I think I’m mostly upset with myself? Or mostly upset with Joshua? But I’m still a little upset with you. Please can we just talk?”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“I’ll leave you alone after this one, I promise. I just… I miss you. And I think I need an explanation, because I’ve been clueless about this for way too long.”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“I love you. In every sense of the word.”

Day 26 - Wednesday 28th November

You felt so strange in front of Jeonghan’s door. Although he spent so much time with you in your house, very rarely would you visit him in his. You and him would always blame his roommate, but truthfully you knew it wasn’t that. Even though Vernon wasn’t the tidiest or most respectful of privacy, you were happy when he was around. No, Jeonghan’s house was a barrier between the two of you, a final wall he had placed to protect himself. And now you were destroying the that sanctity. 

You almost felt bad, but you were so desperate for him to talk to you again. Sure, the two of you had arguments, but nothing like this, and you weren’t sure that without drastic measures, you would ever even see Jeonghan again. So here you were, your knuckles rapt against Jeonghan’s door, waiting to see him.

The door swung open, but Jeonghan wasn’t there. Instead stood Vernon, who looked like he had only rolled out of bed at the sound of your knocking. Honestly, had it been true, it wouldn’t have surprised you, despite it being 8:30 in the evening. You had no idea what this boy’s schedule was, if he even followed a set one.

“Oh, hey Vernon.”

“Hey Y/N.’

You shuffled on your feet. You and Vernon were friends - you practically grew up together, why did this feel so awkward?

“Cool party, by the way.” He cocked his head in confusion. “Sofia’s party! Two weeks ago, I know you helped her set it up. It was fun, from what I remember, Jeonghan dragged me along to it and I got very drunk very quickly.” Okay, you were rambling now. That helped. “Speaking of, is he here?”

“He?”

“Jeonghan? Is he home?”

“Nah, he’s um..” Vernon trailed off, and you cringed. Clearly he had told Vernon to ward you away. “He’s staying back late at work. Do you, do you want me to tell him you were here?”

You sighed, feeling your shoulders slump. “Don’t bother. Have a good evening, Hansol.”

“See you around Y/N.”

Vernon let the door shut in front of him, He hated lying, and unlike his roommate, he was absolutely terrible at it. 

“If Y/N comes, just tell her I’m out.”

Jeonghan wouldn’t talk to Vernon. He barely spoke to Seungcheol, who was dropping by every night to check up on his friend. He hadn’t seen him for more than a few minutes every day as he left for work and stumbled back home afterwards. All Vernon could hope for was that you solved your issues with him soon. A grumpy Jeonghan was a nightmare, a heartbroken Jeonghan was a ghost. 

Day 27 - Thursday 29th November

Eunwoo’s office had been mostly empty for a few days now, but today he picked up the last two boxes to take to his new office, a floor above. Instead of seeing his smug face across from your office door, all you saw was a clean desk, no files or loose papers across the surface like there had been before. It felt like a cruel reminder of what you were so close to gaining. Partnership. Jeonghan. You couldn’t tell which was making you more depressed currently. 

You barely noticed when Eunchae walked up to your office, knocking gently against your open door. “You alright, Y/N?”

“Hmm? Yeah I’m fine Eunchae. Can I help you with anything?” You spoke, not lifting your head to meet her gaze. You didn’t want her to see the bags that had formed under your puffy eyes. It’s hard to fall asleep these days.

“I just wanted to say you should have been the next junior partner, not Eunwoo.” She barely whispered, and you understood why. The office behind her was practically haunted by Eunwoo’s cheery spirit. “He’s a good lawyer, but he barely pays attention to us and the newer lawyers. You take good care of us.”

You smiled at her words. “Thanks Eunchae.”

She walked in, letting the door close behind her. You had given up all pretence of following the dumb rules like commandments, and Eunchae caught on quick. “That’s why you’ve been so sad this week, right?”

“That’s.. half of it. How have you noticed?”

She shrugged. “I’m smarter than they are. What’s the other half?”

“Boy troubles, I guess.”

She leaned in. “Is this about your boyfriend? The one you posted on insta?” You nodded, and she smiled, pleased with her detective skills. “What happened?”

“He didn’t tell me he liked me until too late, and now I’m realising that I like him too, but he won’t talk to me.”

“I’m sorry, why doesn’t your boyfriend already know you like him?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Okay..” She trailed off. “Have you told him how you really feel?”

“Yeah, but he won’t talk to me anyway.” 

“Tell him again.” She advised. “People are stupid, they don’t believe what’s right in front of him. What have you got to lose, anyway?”

Day 27 (cont.)

“Hey, this is Jeonghan. I can’t come to the phone right now…”

“I don’t want to fill your inbox, so I swear, if you don’t respond to this, I’ll leave you alone forever. But god I’m going to miss you if you leave. You’re such a heartbreaker, Hannie, you’re about to break mine. I’m in love with you. I’m sorry it took me so long to see it. Please just, let me know if you feel the same, or if everyone was wrong. I guess if I don’t hear from you again I’ve gotten my answer. I.. Goodnight, Jeonghan.”

Day 28 - Friday 30th November

You hadn’t heard anything from Jeonghan. All night, you stayed up, staring at your phone, hoping it would light up with a call, a text, anything. God, you would even settle for a subtweet, but nothing. When 5AM hit and the light of dawn peered in through your blinds you had given up. Jeonghan wanted nothing to do with you. 

You called in sick to work. It wasn’t difficult, crying will make you sound all stuffy and blocked. You hoped the sniffles that slipped from your lips weren’t understood as what they truly were: forming scars. Whatever, it gave you an excuse to stay in bed all day.

You kept your promise, not to bother Jeonghan again, but couldn’t find it in yourself to delete conversations or photos. Your heart was shattered, and the pieces were lost deep in the text messages he sent, you couldn’t delete them so easily. 

You made one phone call, to Wonwoo, when you woke again at 5PM.

“He hates me, Woo. I think I lost him forever.”

“If that’s really the case then he’s an idiot. Just like you.”

You felt no desire to reach out to anyone else, or let anyone know you were alive. You didn’t feel alive. All you wanted was to sink into your mattress and hide from the world. The blankets covering your face would have to do in the meantime. It was a weak shield, but you were hidden all the same, and that’s all you needed.

Someone came to check on you earlier, or perhaps it was just your neighbour. You heard the knocks, but pretended no one was home. They left quickly. You felt so forgettable, so discarded. What a pathetic existence.

9:21 PM flashed across your phone screen, but you didn’t seem to notice it. It was silenced on your kitchen counter, far away from you, because you knew if you kept it nearby you would do something stupid. And you were careful. You needed to be even more careful than before, now that you were nursing a broken heart. 

When the knocks on your door sounded you hid even further away. They would go away, they all did. And the knocks did subside, replaced instead by the clink of keys. Fuck, was it your landlord? What was he doing here? The door opened, and you pulled the sheets tight over your head. Hopefully he would just leave.

You heard footsteps slowly lead to your room. Fuck, was this a home invasion? Maybe you should be more scared, but you couldn’t find it in you to do anything but stay in a frozen position. Your bedroom door creaked open, and you felt your heartbeat in your eyes.

This was it. You were going to die, and you couldn’t even see Jeonghan one last time before some stranger took you out in your own home. Well, the apartment you had rented  for years. God, you were almost thirty, and you were about to die alone in a starter apartment you never bothered to leave. Why was this world so cruel?

“Y/N.”

Fuck. It wasn’t your landlord. It was Jeonghan. Somehow, when being confronted with the person you’ve been trying to reach for days, your confidence disappears.

“I know you’re not sleeping, Y/N.”

Maybe if you didn’t respond he would go away? Did you even want him to? Why weren’t you doing anything?

“I saw you left your phone in the kitchen. You’ve got a voicemail, by the way. It’s from an hour ago. I’m gonna play it for you, okay?”

“Hey Y/N. It’s me, obviously. I um, you’re right. I shouldn’t have run away. I was being a coward. I’ve been a coward the entire time we’ve been friends, because I don’t know when, but at some point I feel so hopelessly in love with you and I’ve been hiding it this entire time. Fuck, I really need to see you. Can I come over?”

Your protective sheets were pulled from your head, and you were met with the sight of Jeonghan, who’s eyes were as puffy as your own. He smiled down at you.

“You look like shit.”

“So do you.”

“Yeah, well, I was heartbroken.” Jeonghan grinned as he spoke. God, he was so beautiful. “I thought my best friend who I’ve loved for years didn’t love me back.”

You sat up, reaching for Jeonghan’s hand, which he gladly gave you. “Why didn’t you ever tell me before now?”

“Had to protect my fragile heart.” He told you, locking into your eyes. You were frozen in place once more. You had never once thought of Jeonghan as fragile, yet here he was, baring his soul to you, like a glass canary had been placed in your hands. “I was so content to just hide it all my life, watch as you fall deeper in love with Joshua, and then I discovered I really loved being your fake boyfriend. I never thought I would enjoy being a boyfriend, but something about being with you makes it so easy.”

All the walls you swore you would put up had been torn down by Jeonghan before you could even begin construction.

“Besides, what exactly was I supposed to think when you hated our first kiss?”

You gasped. “I didn’t hate it! We both agreed it felt weird the next morning.”

“Sure, I definitely thought that, and wasn’t just agreeing with you to save myself the embarrassment of rejection.”

You cringed as you thought of that fateful day. “I don’t know Hannie, when I woke up that morning things felt as if they had changed, and it scared me.” You blushed, feeling regretful of your naivety. “I was so scared of things changing for the worse I never considered that they could get better.”

Jeonghan’s hand met your jaw, pulling you towards him with such a sense of nostalgia. “What about now? Are you still scared?”

“A little.” You whispered. You didn’t need to say it any louder, you knew he could hear you. “But I don’t want my fears to hold me back any more.”

“Oh yeah? Show me.”

You rolled your eyes at Jeonghan, before doing exactly that, and capturing his lips with your own. No fireworks, no eruptions. Kissing him was the comfort you had craved for years. Jeonghan was your home.

You pulled away from him, letting your eyes flutter open. “That count as proof?”

He hummed. “I don’t know, why don’t you show me again?”

“You’re such a loser, Yoon.” You teased, but did exactly as he wanted.

Day 1 (of forever to come) - Saturday 1st December

This past month had no shortage of you waking with Jeonghan in your apartment, but this was the first time you had woken up beside him, arms tangled together. Your phone was buzzing incessantly under your pillow, and who thought it was a good idea to interrupt your sleep so early in the morning?

Oh, Wonwoo. You should probably give him peace of mind, after everything he’s done for you.

“Hello?” You spoke groggily, trying as best as you could to whisper so as to not wake Jeonghan, still asleep next to you.

“Y/N? Have you seen Jeonghan recently? I know you guys are fighting, but Vernon told me he left last night without saying anything and he’s still not back yet, it’s already 10.”

“Wow, Vernon’s up early on a Saturday. I’m not even out of bed yet.”

Wonwoo hissed through your speakers. “Take this seriously! Your best friend is missing!”

Jeonghan stirred, and before you could say anything, he spoke instead. “Y/N, tell your friend to hush, I’m trying to sleep.”

You stayed silent, and Wonwoo was silenced too. 

“Is that…”

“Yeah, he’s here with me. He’s not missing, you can tell Vernon he’s alright.”

“Holy shit! He’s in bed with you?”

“He stayed the night…”

“Get it.”

“Shut up Wonwoo.”

Jeonghan reached his hand over to you. “Lemme talk to him.” You obliged, handing the phone to him.

“Hey Wonwoo, no nothing happened. Well, Y/N confessed their undying feelings for me and told me how incredibly attractive and sexy I am and how I’ve ruined anyone else’s love-“

“JEONGHAN!”

“Yep gotta go, bye Wonwoo!”

You snatched the phone from Jeonghan, only to see the call had already ended. “You snake! Stop badmouthing me to our friends!”

He gasped in mock offense. “Bad mouthing? Never! That’s basically what happened last night, anyway.”

“You’re missing the part where you confessed first.” You reminded him, pushing against his arm, but he resisted your force, instead wrapping his arms around you and holding you as you squirmed. “Let go of me you weasel.”

“Weasel? Are you gonna pay for the damages you’re causing my heart?” He pouted, and you wanted to badly to shove (kiss…) that pout off his face. 

“More like ego.”

“Wonwoo has always known how incredibly whipped I am for you, he doesn’t need a reminder.” Jeonghan whispered above you. “Do you?”

You nodded slyly. “You’ve got a decade of reminders to make up for hiding this from me for so long. You better get cracking.”

Jeonghan leaned over to kiss your forehead. “Why rush it? We’ve got the rest of our lives, and I’m going to make sure you never forget just how much I love you.”

AN: i think this is the first time i’ve ever written a happy ending but goddamn i love this fic

+ read the university kiss scene here!!

[buckychristwrites]

About You | Day 12 | j.t.

Summary: Your job? Pop culture journalist for The Independent. Your assignment? To write a profile on the cocky footballer that you're publicly feuding with.

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Cussing. Enemies to lovers

A/N: Please let me know what you think! :D side note, this gif is my fave thing that Jamie does in the whole show, im obsessed.

Masterlist | About You Masterlist | Main Blog

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

With every newspaper that loudly hit, it was met with another jump from you, despite the fact that you knew they were coming. It had been a long morning, waking up early to catch the tube into the office, so you weren’t prepared for the loud noises this soon into the day, although you now knew more were to come. You stared at the headlines, reading each of them over and over again, as if you were trying to memorise them.

Tartt Seizes Mystery Girl’s Heart

Tartt Kiss: What We Know About The Footballer’s New Woman

Victory Celebration, Sealed With A Kiss

It was clear that the only reason the room was still silent was because a response from you was expected. You really didn’t know what there was to say. Scanning the words, you smacked your lips together before speaking.

“They’re not particularly clever.”

Your boss was whatever the exact opposite of enthused was, evident by his severe stare and the fact that he hadn’t sat down for a single second since you had entered his office.

“This funny to you?” He demanded, rotating his laptop to display an article that had your name and picture featured. An article you had already seen and gone through the 5 stages of grief over. “It’s funny that they know exactly who you are and why you were there?” You shrugged, a fire burning in your chest.

“They wouldn’t have known why I was there if you hadn’t posted the announcement of the profile without checking with me first.” 

His round face was turning a bright purple, but you remained nonchalant. These meetings were so much easier for you to swallow when he made it so easy to argue. At the very least, it gave you the entertainment of seeing him so mad. This time, however, it felt different. You could feel it, and you know he did too. Leaning into his palms, which were pressed against the top of his desk, he towered over the newspapers. Despite the fact that there was still a decent amount of space between you and him, you still instinctively leaned away from him.

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

You didn’t look at him.

“I’m thinking that it was a football match, and excitement was high, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jamie Tartt, and maybe he wasn’t thinking very clearly.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. Although it definitely wasn’t entirely the truth, either. He began to nod as he grabbed his phone and began to type. A few seconds passed before he was sliding it across the desk to you.

“And what about that?”

Looking down, you saw the picture from Jamie’s instagram of you walking in his jersey, something you had totally forgotten about. A hot flash shot through you.

“I just borrowed some clothes. I walked to the stadium and it started raini-“ You stopped when your boss viciously waved you off.

“Don’t fucking disrespect me right now,” He said angrily, snatching his phone back. “Spotted wearing his clothes. Pictured exiting his car with him at the Charity Gala. What the fuck is the matter with you?” Your fingers were in your lap, pulling at each other. Even though you were telling the truth, there was no sense in continuing to defend yourself. His mind had been made up.

Within the hour of the match ending, you had received an email from your boss, telling you to come in for a meeting first thing in the morning. You took the tube in, which gave you plenty of time to settle your nerves. As much as you could, anyway.

Your boss began to yell about professionalism, and how you lacked it, while you thought of Jamie. No real conversation had occurred after The Kiss, as he got swept away by the team, and you found yourself being crowded by paparazzi and journalists as you tried to follow. It took two hours to go home, needing to take several detours to fend off the extra persistent ones. After that, you avoided your phone like the plague. It was blowing up with texts and calls from friends and relatives, asking if the pictures they were seeing were of you. Maybe there had been a text or two from Jamie as well, somewhere lost in the mix, but the fear of looking at your phone kept you from them. Instead, you had spent the night at home in solace, and worked on the article.

Your boss went silent for a while, pulling you from your thoughts. His fingers were white against the back of his chair, making you wonder when he moved there from the desk. Finally, he shook his head.

“I’m pulling you from the profile.”

Your spine straightened with the speed of a whip.

“You can’t do that,” You said in shock. He began to shake his head again, but you continued. “I did nothing wrong.” 

“You did everything wrong,” He spat. “You couldn’t be fucking professional. Sleeping with the fucking person you’re writing on. Disgusting. I’ll email you when I decide who will take over, and you’ll send them your notes.” The urge to cry was creeping up your throat, but you swallowed it down.

“I won’t be sending anyone shit,” You told him in a firm voice. “I’ve been working on this for almost two weeks. Do you know how hard I worked to get Jamie to trust me? After everything I’ve said in the past?” At this, he laughed. 

“Worked him real good, you did,” He said.

The comment felt like a strike to the face, and you leaned even further away from him. All you could see was red. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, his pleased smile only growing with each attempt to come up with something snarky or angry to say. A sort of acceptance washed over you as you knew what needed to be done.

“I fucking quit then.”

Now, the shock was on his face. 

“You’re quitting over Jamie fucking Tartt?” He shouted as you rose from your seat. You contemplated this answer before looking at him again, your face blank. 

“You’ve made me wish to quit over a lot less, if it makes you feel any better.” 

The yelling immediately began to commence once more, but you were already closing the door behind you. It didn’t take long for you to empty out your desk, as you really didn’t bring a lot of personal items to work, and before you knew it, you were at the train station with a box of assorted belongings and a spot in the unemployment line. 

The tube was mostly empty, just a few scattered people throughout the car. You took a spot in the back, setting the box in the space next to you while you sat against the window. As the train took off, you lost yourself in thought.

Where to go now? Over the years, you had yearned to move on from The Independent, much like Trent did, but had never bothered to try. Complacency and fear can really hold a person down. It was hard enough landing the job there, how hard would it be now to find a new one? Especially with the tainted reputation you now held? You absolutely couldn’t get any sort of reference from your old boss. Hell, he’d probably have you blacklisted from all major outlets before the day was out.

Looking at the empty seat that held your belongings, you were hit with deja vu. 

You can lay on down if ya want. Grab a few winks.

His voice echoed through your mind, bouncing off the walls of the train car. Your head fell back against the seat. Your body ached at his absence. You missed him horribly, and were angry about the things you missed out on. That you didn’t spend the day laughing with him. That there were so many things left unsaid still. That you could still feel the ghost of his lips on your own. 

You imagined him sitting next to you, and what he would say if he were there. 

Fuck ‘em. You don’t need them. You’ll be alright, love.

Your heart lurched at the thought as you came back to reality, greeted by the sad, grey box that held your belongings. You closed your eyes. It wasn’t the same. It felt like nothing would be again. 

But it had to be. Right?

Pulling out your phone, you went to call him to appease the yearning for his voice, but then froze. You didn’t want to call him. You wanted to see him.

You switched to another contact, typing and sending a message faster than your brain could process it. The response came quicker than expected, although you wouldn’t have been surprised if you hadn’t gotten one at all. A sigh fell from your lips as you stared out the window. Anxiety built in your belly, but you knew soon, it would all feel better. At least, you were hoping it would.

When you got off at your respective stop, you were determined as you rushed out. Your foot was on the first step to go up to the street when you paused. Turning, you ran to the first rubbish bin and threw the box on top. It didn’t quite fit, but you still left it. A few people gave you looks as you ran up the steps, some due to your strange behaviour, others because they recognized you from the pictures of you and Jamie in the press. You kept going.

You didn’t mean to run the whole way. But you did. Mostly due to the urgency you felt, but also partially because it was raining so hard that you felt like the streets would flood and carry you away. There was something cathartic about it. Maybe not to your heart, but to your mind. You slipped on the sidewalk a few blocks from the Underground station, almost falling straight into the cement had it not been for the lamppost next to you. It took a second to straighten up again, but once you were, you continued to run.

Within twenty minutes, you were walking down the residential street, rain continuing to pour. Your chest hurt from the running, as it wasn’t something you did with any sort of regularity. With every house you passed, you looked at the numbers on each one, searching for the one from the text. It was hard to see, with the rain and all, but you felt desperate enough, even going so far as to approach porches to properly read them.

It wasn’t the house number that alerted you to his house, however. It was his car, parked in the driveway. Your feet froze at the sight of it, remembering in vivid technicolor the rides you and him shared inside of it. The first one being under similar circumstances as you were in right now. The nerves were really building, as you stared the car and realised you were really at his house, and you wondered if you made a mistake. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to just return his calls? Instead of showing up, unannounced, in the pouring rain? 

Am I stupid? You asked yourself. Am I actually insane?

But you still found yourself approaching the door, your feet moving as if they were being magnetically pulled forward. It was nice to finally be out of the rain. You thought of the box in the bin back at the tube station. Did someone else take the belongings for themselves? Or would it end up in the landfill? Not that it mattered now. It was filled with things you’d never need again. 

You closed your eyes, thinking of the last two weeks. So much had happened. More than you ever would’ve predicted when you were given this assignment. And it all led to this moment, here, on Jamie’s porch, with you covered in rain water, heart full, and ready to share those feelings with him. After another brief moment to allow yourself to calm down, you lifted your hand and knocked one, two, three times on the door. 

As the seconds passed, you felt your heart begin to race. Is he not home? Maybe he went out with the team? Or out to the shops? You knocked again, a little faster, more urgent this time. More time ticked by, and nothing happened. Tears sprang into your eyes. Was this a sign? You checked your phone, ignoring your growing inbox as you went to Jamie’s text thread. Nothing new. Stuffing the phone back in your pocket, you gave the door another sorrow filed look. Would another knock be enough? 

No. Either he’s not home, or he doesn’t want to see you, you told yourself. It was that simple. 

You all but ran back into the rain, your head down and your spirit crushed. The walk home wasn’t a far one, although you assumed that by how many times Jamie had walked over to your place. Over the sound of the drops hitting the sidewalk, you thought you heard the sound of footsteps, but that was confirmed when you heard someone yell your name from behind.

Jamie Tartt stood before you, already soaked from the storm. He looked a mixture of pleased and confused to see you. His hair was back in the usual headband, sporting a black hoodie and joggers. 

“I was on the toilet,” He explained his delay, looking sheepish. You nodded, not caring for a single second what he had been doing. Just happy he was there now. Just you, him, the pouring rain and the bristling trees. 

“They pulled me from the profile.”

His face fell immediately, and he took a step forward. 

“Because of…?” He asked, trailing off. You nodded, causing him to pinch his chin between his fingers. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have… I’m so sorry.” You shook your head at him, waving your hands in the same rhythm.

“Did you mean it?” You asked him. “The kiss. Did you mean to do it?”

He looked conflicted, like this was a test. Maybe he feared that you were asking in hopes that you could answer to get the article back. Or maybe he was worried that you regretted it terribly and wished that he did. 

“Yes.” It was so firm, so definitive. “I don’t regret it at all. I’d do it again. And again. And again.” You smiled widely, convinced that you’d never stop smiling again.

“I quit.” 

The curtain of rain didn’t hide the absolute shock that filled his face. You nodded.

“My boss implied that I slept with you to get you to trust me,” You explained. A beat passed and you tilted your head. “Actually, he just flat out said I slept with you to get you to trust me. So I quit. And I took all of my notes with me. So they’ll have to do everything over.” He ran a hand through his wet hair, shaking his head.

“I’m-” He stopped, his eyes squeezed shut as everything processed. “You…”

“I quit my fucking job for you,” You said, speaking loudly but slowly, so that nothing could be uncertain. You took a step forward. “I was miserable. I didn’t want to accept that, but I was.” You laughed, remembering how it felt to hate going into work. It felt like a lifetime ago, considering how happy you had been these last two weeks. “Then I got to interview you, and I remembered why I love writing and journalism in the first place. I quit my job so I can fucking kiss you whenever I fucking want to and not worry about what my boss has to say, or what people who have read my past articles about you have to say. Because I was wrong about you. I know that now.” You shrugged. “And maybe I’ll never get to write another article again, but I’ll get to kiss you, which I think is a good trade off.” 

A long time passed where he just stared at you, wide eyes and chest breathing heavy. Finally, after letting you sit in agony for a second too long, he took three quick strides towards you, pressing his hands to your cheeks and his lips were against yours once again. Your eyes closed instantly as you faded into the kiss. It was different this time, with more passion behind it, but the adrenaline that filled you was the same. You put one hand on the back of his head, curling your fingers in his hair, your other hand balling the front of his shirt in your fist. 

When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours. The rain was freezing against your skin, yet you were warm.

“It’s funny,” He mumbled to you. “I learned how to behave meself in public, and now you’re out of a job. You were right.” You immediately pulled your head away from his, staring at him with a look of disbelief.

“Are you choosing this moment to make fun of my unemployment?” You demanded, as he laughed. “This exact moment? Right now, you felt it would be the time? After I just said all that nice, romantic stuff to you?”

He kissed you again, and you could feel him smiling against your lips, his body shaking in silent laughter. You wished this moment would last forever. Just kissing in the rain while smiling and laughing in between. No other problems but getting too cold. 

You broke the kiss this time, him leaning after you as if he wasn’t ready for it to end. A slight pout was on his lips, but he recovered quickly.

“How’d you get me address?”

“Got it from the highest bidder,” You said jokingly. He furrowed his eyebrows together, and you laughed. “I asked Roy.” His laugh seemed to fill the entire neighbourhood. 

“He’d give me address to all the homeless men in London if he could, so I ain’t surprised,” He admitted. You scrunched up your face.

“I don’t like being compared to the homeless men in London.” 

“No,” He said in agreement. “You’re much better.” Reaching forward, he brushed a chunk of wet hair back into place, his fingertips brushing against your forehead. His expression was tender. You were still in shock that this was happening at all.

You gave his lips another peck.

“If money were no object, what would be one thing you’d do?” He shook his head at you continuing your game.

“I’d spend the rest of me life with you.” 

You bit the inside of your cheek. 

“You don’t need any money for that.”

His eyes were staring into yours, twinkling despite the lack of light. 

“We’re gonna need money for a hospital visit if we don’t get inside,” He said, grabbing you by your damp sleeve and dragging you towards the door. It made sense. There wasn’t a single part of you that wasn’t wet, and Jamie looked about the same.

“Well, I don’t know if you knew, but I’m not gonna have money for anything coming up soon,” You told him. “So if I would have to just die at that point.” 

“Don’t worry, love,” He said as he opened the door, gesturing for you to go inside. “I won’t let anything happen to ya. Not ever.”

He shut the door behind you, and for the first time, in what felt like a long time, you didn’t need that reassurance.

You had already known he would.