#That's way too much freaking food to have daily and I don't know how anyone manages it

[ndragoon]

Me: *wakes up from a dead sleep because my insides are extremely angry, only to flip from one end purging to the other*

My mother: "well, you clearly have Covid again so you won't be leaving the house for another four weeks"

Except it is because of these stupid pills and this stupid diet, which I have been complaining about for WEEKS NOW, because it been keeping my insides messed up

[katboykirby]

As someone with autism, Satan with an autistic MC would be so wholesome and perfect...

Satan who makes sure a MC always has a jacket and a spare pair of plastic gloves handy to help them with their sensory issues.

Satan who takes over some of autistic MC’s chores, cleaning the dirty dishes and dealing with leftovers so that MC doesn’t freak out when they have to touch it.

Satan who never leaves MC’s side at large gatherings lest they get overstimulated and run off again. The last time that happened it took everyone so long to find them. Luckily, MC was alright. They were tucked away in a small room in the castle to hide.

Satan who is perfectly alright with sitting silently in your room while the two of you work on your own things. Maayyybeee he wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to scoot closer to him.

DOESN’T LET DIFFERENT FOODS TOUCH ON YOUR PLATE!! WILL START A RIOT IF HE FINDS THAT ANYONE HAS LET FOODS TOUCH ON YOUR PLATE!!

…ahem

Satan who doesn’t find MC’s tendency to disappear without a trace frustrating. He knows they like to go ‘exploring’ alone, wandering off for a short while before returning to his side per usual. Maybe when you grow close enough you’ll take him on a little journey.

Satan who admires you and your love for certain things. No matter how trivial they may seem, he knows that those are the things that make up the world for you. He’ll gladly listen to you talk about your interests for hours.

Satan who takes your relationship as slow as you may need. Sexual intimacy doesn’t equal love to him. He’s okay with you touching him and not the other way around if that’s what you feel comfortable with.

Satan who seems to be the only one who understands MC’s reluctance to physical touch. He avoids touching MC whenever possible. He shows his affection for MC in other ways.

Taking them to a quiet cat café.

Taking them to a new pop up event for their favorite anime.

Hell, he even downloaded Mononoke Land so that when they went on walks together he could catch spirits alongside them. (He’s their only added friend on the game so he makes sure to send them gifts daily.)

When MC shyly hugs him for the first time he thinks he might combust on the spot— it’s such a special occasion for him!

You think you’re a burden and nuisance because you’re so different, yet to Satan, that’s what makes you so perfect. It’s what makes him love you so much.

(p.s,,, if it wouldn’t bother you I could be 💚anon or bitchass autistic anon! I don’t know if you label your anons or not. :) )

((also don’t feel pressured to respond or look at this ask! I just thought you might like it.))

This is so, so lovely and I really enjoyed reading all of your thoughts. And nobody has asked to be a tagged Anon before! Of course you can be 💚 Anon!

I feel like I don't have very much to say in response, because you've already put everything into words so wonderfully. I'm not autistic myself, but I know that there's some overlap with ADHD (my own diagnosis) when it comes to certain habits or behaviours, and I do some of the things that you've described so I feel like I can relate to a certain extent.

I do think that all of the OM boys would be supportive of an autistic partner (or any of the personal struggles that their partner might have, be they mental or physical) but I do also believe that Satan would be one of the best at intuitively knowing exactly what his partner wants and needs without having to ask for anything to be explained or spelled out for him.

Whether you HC Satan as autistic or not, he does have a lot of his own habits and behaviours that are somewhat similar, and he's good at figuring things out on his own even from very small or subtle hints.

If he sees you carefully separating the different foods on your plate (something many of his brothers would be too loud or rowdy during mealtimes to notice right away) he would make sure to keep your food clearly separated the next time it was his turn to make dinner, and would make sure to separate your food every time in the future as well.

If he notices the way you gently (or not-so-gently) pull away from physical contact, he will always be sure to refrain from touching you without your explicit permission; something that his other brothers (like Mammon, Asmo, or Beel, for example) might take longer to figure out, since they're just so used to hugging you or putting an arm around you without even thinking about it. Satan isn't the biggest fan of all the touchy-feely stuff either (we often see him yelling at his brothers not to touch him in the games) so he knows how you feel, and he doesn't want to intrude on your personal space.

He loves that you always listen to him whenever he has something to say, especially when he starts gushing at length about the current book he's reading or about the cat he saw on his way from from RAD that day. Nobody else really bothers to pay him any attention when he starts rambling like that - Levi is really the only one who can relate, but Levi also has trouble keeping himself from interrupting and going into his own long spiels. And Satan loves listening to you when you tell him all about your own hyperfixations in turn. It doesn't matter what you're rambling about, Satan is hanging on to every word.

Satan is a very meticulous person who would take his time to deeply and carefully consider all of the best ways he could support you and make you feel comfortable, without making you feel patronised or condescend to. He'd never want to make you feel like a child he was taking care of, because you are both perfectly equal in his eyes. He knows what it feels like to be seen as less than, thanks to many years of hinself only ever being seen as his rage. He never wants you to feel like just a diagnosis or just a disability. Like his Wrath, your autism is a part of you, but it is not all of you. It is not your entire identity or all that you are.

He loves you so, so much ♡

[mtnkat3]

2.43pm

Grinning..

Yeah when I got into the shower earlier I started thinking about this post. But I have been going none stop since! I've put ~50 miles just for bloodwork & lunch. 🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I started singing the air force song.. flying high into the sun... & then giggling. As I used to know all of them, ranks for all, & a lot of ribbons too. Only can remember green E right now. Sigh. But I realized how much a nerd I am!

One of the new regional eatery places that's opened up is in the main flight path for a municipal airport so while everybody else there is oblivious.. I'm staring at jets all the way down to single prop Cessna's coming in! Close enough watching them deploying landing gear! I love it! Course it also reminds me of C.A.P. & then high school. Sigh. Memories.. & goals!

And then remembered while at the pizzeria today. [Half the bread, 4 fries & all the meat! Good kat!😁]

that as much as I detest the mark of the beast the cgm is to me.. when I'm asked about it I stop whatever I'm doing & talk to the person. People wanna know, they're scared & if I can help with my own experiences belay their fears then I will.

It's very simple, 1 poke, 10 days of wear, & 288 tests [every 5 minutes] in 24hrs vs the 4 test strips insurance allows with regular meter usage. It gives the wearer more knowledge & control over their eating habits.

Heck, it's showing me just how much stress affects blood sugar! When I saw endo after my sunburn/poisoning in August, they could see my shoulders, arms & toe. They reminded me of this. Stress effects ABSOLUTELY freaking everything! Blood sugar, pressure, heart rate, breathing, etc. Like D'oh t! I knew, I grew up around people that lost vision, toes, even life. Because remember.. too much sugar in the blood stream. Heck, it's affect is on psoriasis too! And since mine is mainly on my face, neck, & ears I see the evidence in the mirror & can't do a dang thing about it but to watch my food & stress. And yes, not eating also causes blood sugar to rise. The body thinks it's in starvation mode & that's where gut eright comes in. Until that has gotten as far ad the body is ok with then goes to other areas. Me, its trunk. A bit of cellulite arms & legs. But I have the "fat that kills."

Why do I talk about all this stuff?

So anyone that has questions or needs to know these things doesn't feel alone.

It sucks to have the alphabet soup.. pcos, ibs, complex headaches, dm2, cdk, psoriasis... "hyperactive immune system" allergies thru the roof!, asthma induced by allergies & more but. These are my trials.

And I bow to God's Wisdom & Grace.

He alone can Guide me to His healing. & Miracles!

And I can overcome all the mirade issues I have. It takes hard work, dedication & discipline.

I realized last night that I got depressed & lazy because of my circumstances.

Let's just say.. that put my hackles up. And really f*ckin pissed off Tijgeress. At me! I don't like that. At all. This is a huge part of my daily struggle, to fight what I am around.

To be the woman that I am. The one that doesn't go out without brushing hair, teeth, washing face, at least sponges bath, & putting on "public clothes" & showing that I care about myself.

I have gotten to the point that I rarely wear makeup though. It bothers my skin. And I even tried Its cosmetics 'Bye Bye' moisturizer! It felt heavy to me. People gonna just see my rosy complexion & lip balm. Unless I feel fancy like..🎶 grinning. Right now though.. Levi's & tees.

Long haired country girl with a lead foot. Shoulda seen me driving though! Windows down, radio jacked up, hair flying everywhere & flying the currents.. grin. That's me.

I am me.

I'm a nice woman to everybody I encounter. And I had to tell myself when I saw what looked like a traffic accident & grass fire while driving 80mph in a clump of cars that I saw the drivers, & they were mobile. And that emergency personnel had been called. But I feel like shit. I should've turned to get there & helped. Sigh.

Yes. That's me too.

Did I ever say I'm not complex?🤨🤔🤓🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Anyways.. that's been my day.

I know most think I'm crazy, treating this like my diary. But I'm not. Well no more than the next empathetic, infj, overthinking, marshmallow hearted woman! Lmao! Yeah.. ok. I'm unique! 😁

Anyways! I do this so wherever & whomever the heck my soul's mates are.. he knows what's happening in my life! Well I mean I think knows more than these writings.. that's my gut, intuition & soul's feelings anyways. So I write to my loves & I write to help others. Otherwise... crickets. There are days when I talk to my cat & have to clear my throat because I haven't spoken in so long! Lol!

Now that the chauffeuring is done.. back to work! I gots plenty of both daily chores & tasks to my goals to get done!

Discipline & sacrifice t. Not to mention life goals. And making God happy to have Created me! And that He will Bless my life by the work I do in His Name!

If that won't move my butt to swishin nothing could! Grinning.

Yes. I'm in a good mood today!

I was able to take a hot shower & not trip!😎 I feel better about myself for every righteous thing I accomplish!

Motivation.

Yes, as I look out at my huge pine & other trees, seeing the sunlight, listening.. I feel better. I much rather go out into the forest & not hear people but be rejuvenated by nature!

Yes. I love planes & flying too!

Yep. Right now.. put me in as hot tub to soak my bones then stand in the cold air & watch the goose pimples! I think that would energize my butt! Lmao!

Ok. Deep breath. Gotta get back to it.

Wherever & whomever the heck You are!

I freakin love & adore you!

And I miss you so badly I'm ready to scream, roar, hiss, growl, & shout down the mountains.. that I could fly my Phoenix wings to you!

So. God Knows. And I believe you do too.

I pray to get my life right so I am made aware, more than my senses.. so that I am face to face with you. Sharing breath.. heartbeats.. drowning in your eyes. You are everything to me. And I'm sick to death of being separated from you!

Daughter... patience.

Bowing my head. Yes Father.

Deep breath. Focus. Calm. Breathe. Relax. Get my butt moving. Repeat.

I will not ever give up.

I believe. In God. In Love. In us.

I work as I move my butt & await.. God. & you.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Your faithful complex warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓⚓🙏🙇‍♀️💡☔🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🥧🍁🧣🥾🍎🥤🍋🥮🍯🍼☕🍫🍑🍒 🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🎯🧭🕯🎶💋

Fr.10.21.2022 4.01pm est.

Yeah.. "love is in the air", usaf anthem, No Body by Blake Shelton.. bunches of goodies today! Makes for happy kat! 😎🥰😁🎶

[yukieyy]

°*{Insecure}*°

{Obey me x Fem Mc}

{Replaced Mc Au}

TW: Anxiety, body insecurity,mention of self-harm,

{A/n: Remember, you're beautiful just the way you are}.

Part 2

Part 1 → ♡

Song : (✿ ♡‿♡)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oi Ayla! Hurry up will you? We're gonna miss the match!!" Mammon shouted.

You were seated at the living room, with a book in your hand. Listening to them.

"eh?! Ayla didn't you say we were going shopping today?!" Asmo shouted from his room upstairs.

"Ayla, can you buy me the book I told you about before while you're out?" Satan said passing by the said girl.

It's been a month. A month. And this is your daily life now. Ayla this, Ayla that. You don't hate her. No, she's an angel, absolute sweetheart. It's just getting tiring now.

When she arrived, she came in a better state than you did. Didn't freak out, smiling, excited, and very motivated, even the brothers that were concerned eased up.

When you were showing them around... At least that's what you thought you were doing, she knew. a lot. Almost everything. Every history. Kinda made you feel like an idiot.

You never really were good at studying or taking care of yourself. But when Ayla arrived for some reason, you found yourself trying..harder. A good thing. Right?

Maybe.

Ayla hit it off with the others so well, she's amazing at magic which sparks Lucifer's pride, she's mischievous, making her a great companion for Mammon, She got immaculate style, which Asmo absolutely adores, She probably reads as much as Satan, making her a great friend to talk to for Satan. She's amazing in cooking and she cooked food from the three realms. How amazing was that for Beel? No one could believe it but she actually was also an otaku, those long, mouthful titles to an anime Levi was talking about? That had 7 seasons and 3 movies in total? Yeah. She knew every single one. Not to mention she could sew. She made a pillow. For Belphie. That's another win.

You were happy. Yes, you were!! She's not having any trouble which is a good thing, those lower-level demons didn't try to eat her anymore. Everyone loves her. A little too much you think.

Back to the current time, you sighed. Getting up from the couch, you walked to the door.

"Mc? Where are you going?"

You turned to the voice.

"oh, Lucifer. I'm just gonna take a walk and meet up with Solomon to help him make these shady potions he found in a book. Why?"

Lucifer walked up to you and place his hand on your head. Then something glows around you, he ruffled your hair and stepped back

"Stay safe and don't go too far in the forest alright? Come home before midnight okay?"

Your chest warmed up. "Of course! See you!"

"Don't forget to eat too!" He shouted again as you walked away, you turned back and waved at him.

"Wow."

Lucifer turned back to the voice.

"what."

"Didn't know you were THAT protective. That barrier is the one you always put on Lilith wasn't it? The one where even Diavolo would lose breath to crack?" Satan questioned.

Lucifer sighed, "yes, I'm just keeping her safe. She might not notice but since she arrived here till now for some reason those lower-level demons keep following her. I wonder how strong Ayla is to shoo them in just two weeks," He chuckled

"well, Ayla is amazing that's what I'll tell you, She managed to memorize this long spell in a day. I can do it because I'm a demon. but she's a human! She's amazing, I don't know why you and Diavolo decide to summon Mc first before Ayla," Satan rambles with a shrug.

"Satan. Enough. Don't say that to anyone. Especially Mc. " Lucifer frowned.

"what? It's the truth," Satan said.

You hold your breath. You turned back a minute ago because you forgot your D.D.D. but ended up eavesdropping. Your heart clenched. Tight.

You took a deep breath and shook your head and walked out of your hiding spot.

"oh hey, Satan!"

Lucifer was shocked," Mc? When did you get back?"

"just now, I forgot my D.D.D. there," You said pointing at it on the couch. Satan walked over and picked it up and threw it to you.

You caught it and thanked him. He just smiled and walked away.

"Mc, did you hear what me and Satan talked about earlier?"

You act innocent, "Huh? No, I told you I just got here, why? Is it another secret?" You wiggle your eyebrows and him with a grin.

He scoffed, "nonsense, now move along, Solomon will be waiting,".

"aight, see ya Lucibaby!!"

"I told you not to call me that!"

You laughed from afar and gave him a flying kiss.

Another week pass by, an exam was coming up. And you were freaking out. Even though you've studied like hell, you tend to forget a bunch of stuff. Which led to you being anxious most of the time.

Exam week passes. Oh, would look at that! You passed!. That's all. You just passed. Thank god you did. Well, it's better than Mammon at least.

Not until Lucifer called you to his room that night.

You entered his room with a sorry face.

Lucifer looked at you, saying nothing.

You sighed. "I'm sorry.."

Lucifer sighed, "come here. Sit down first and we'll talk."

You sat down, hanging your head low and fidgeting with your exam paper between your fingers.

"here, let me see your paper"

You took them out and place them on the table. Not looking at him.

"Mc" he called while patting your head. "I'm not gonna scold you, let's see where you're weak in and work on it together. Okay?"

You looked up slowly and nodded. The two if you then started discussing stuff that is hard for you to score in and after a few hours you were allowed to leave.

"Mc?" You heard a feminine voice called out.

"yes Ayla?"

She walked towards you, "Why were you in Lucifer's room?"

"oh we were discussing my exam marks,"

Ayla arched an eyebrow, " can I see it? Maybe I can help you?"

"oh no no it's okay, Lucifer said he'll help me study from now on, so it's okay, I don't wanna disturb you." You said with a smile.

She frowned, "Mc, just study with me. Lucifer is busy as it is. Helping you will add more burden to him. Decline it and I'll help you study okay?"

You got quiet. It's true, Lucifer is always swarmed with paperwork. How could you just accept his offer like that?

"yeah, you're right. I was too sad to remember who Lucifer actually was,sorry " you chuckled.

Ayal didn't smile, she just looked at you and sighed. "Okay, we'll study Tomorrow with Solomon and the angels, now go to bed"

You nodded and watched her walk away.

What the fuck was that?

The next day, you were huddled up in a study group along with Ayla, Solomon, Simeon, And Luke.

You were doing okay listening to Ayla but you were getting distracted now.

"Mc!" Ayla snapped. Shocking everyone on the table.

"y-yes?!" You answered

"pay attention, will you? We need to get this chapter out before going to a harder chapter!"

"Sorry Ayla, can we take a break? I can't focus anymore." You said. Solomon rubbed your back, comforting you because he knew you can't focus for a long time.

"break? We just took one like an hour ago. That wasn't enough?! Come on Mc, you've been here way longer than me, you should be better than me don't you think?" Ayla snapped

"hey hey now, that's out of the line, Calm down Ayla," Solomon frowned.

"But Solomon just look at her and us. How was she chosen?" Ayla snickered

You were speechless. You couldn't even bring yourself to say anything because you knew she's right. You knew. You just never admitted it. Afraid of falling to the dark side of your mind.

"Ayla, we should continue this another day, Luke's getting tired too, I'm sure you have other things too, let's continue this later okay?"Simeon said.

Ayla huffed and gather her stuff before stomping off.

"what just happened?" Luke asked.

"I'm pretty sure she's just moody, she's always busy these days." You explained to Luke.

"busy? But she's an exchange student too. We aren't as busy as she are we?" Luke replied.

"well..no. she's just.. busy with the brothers.. they're always looking and asking for her..."

Solomon noticed the change in tone of your voice. He hugged you, "don't mind her, she was always like that, wasn't she? Now let's go get some food. I'm starving,"

Simeon pat your head, "You're doing great, don't let what she says get to you okay?"

You nodded, sorry Simeon, it's way too late to ignore it.

You went home after dinner with them and upon entering you were greeted by Beel who were excitedly dragging you to the kitchen.

"uhh beel? What's wrong?" You asked while watching him took out bowls, eggs,flour and a lot of other stuff.

"can you teach me how to make those cream puffs you made last time?" He asked with twinkling eyes.

You can't resist but to cup his cheeks,

"aaaa you're so cute!! Of course, I can!" And then you found yourself, stopping beel from eating a raw egg, and uncooked batter including hot oil.

An hour and a half later, you were both covered in flour, but you managed to finish.

Beel asked you to pack it prettily for him, so you took out a box and some ribbons.

"Are you giving this to someone?"

Beel smiled, "yeah, Ayla, she said if I give her cream puffs she'll bake that amazing chocolate cake again for me!"

You froze. Oh. Oh... "I- I see, Well good for you now you get to eat that chocolate cake again. Here. All done, go wash up first, I'll put this in the fridge okay?".

Beel nodded and ran off to shower. You were cleaning the kitchen when Ayla stepped in with Asmodeus talking about a perfume that you don't know about.

"Mc?" She called out.

"Yes, Ayla?"

"Didn't you just get back from dinner with Solomon?"

"yeah? Why?"

Asmo laughs, "oh sweetheart you just got back from eating and you're still cooking?"

Ayla chuckled " don't eat too much, you gain weight easily don't you? And avoid sugary food too,"

"oh no I wasn't-" you hurriedly try to explain.

"no need to explain Mc, I didn't know you were a glutton like Beel too," Asmo said after grabbing an apple and walking out with Ayla.

You stood there. Frozen. Dark thoughts continue clouding. And this time. There was no stopping them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued

← →

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[elles-writing]

Little Secret

Request: Wonderful! Could please write an escenario in which y/n (half elf and half human) was part of the company cause Gandalf hired her. She and Kili fell for each other and secretly started courting. Once Erebor was reclaimed everything was going back to normal. Thorin asked her to stay for as long as she liked. When Fili & Kili's mom got there, she had lots of meetings with Thorin so y/n was not able to properly meet her. The day that they are actually introduced, Thorin announces Kili's and Fili's arranged marriages which took everyone by surprise. Y/n and Kili try to figure and fix things out in order to convince Thorin to put off the arrange marriage but it does not work. Therefore, y/n decides to leave Erebor and ends up leaving to Dale; befriending/ helping Bard and his kids.  During her time there she finds out that she was pregnant with Kili's child. However, she never notifies Kili nor goes to Erebor to announce it thinking that he had his duty as a prince and it would be harmful for him/ his arranged marriage. So, she makes the decision to raise the baby on her own. Time goes by and on a normal day (when she was 9 months pregnant) that she's walking around Dale  while feeling contractions she bumps into Kili. Thank you so much!❤️ Sorry for the long message 😅 - @just-a-dreamer23

A/N: I know, I know, this is soo long. But, I enjoyed writing this story!! I've been trying to overcome my lack of motivation to write, so maybe it isn't as good in some parts, as my other stories, but I wanted to keep it that way, so I hope you enjoy anyways.

Tags: @guardianofrivendell @just-a-dreamer23 @anjhope1 @lathalea

The afternoon was hot. The best thing to do, was to take a nap. At least, in your opinion.

Nothing would attack in this heat, you thought, as you rested under a tree. A while after, you noticed pointy hat and grey cloak of the same colour. You lazily waved.

"Gandalf, long time no see!" Gandalf smiled at you.

"Good afternoon, Y/N." You stood up and looked at him, waiting. Gandalf never came just...for no reason.

"How are you doing?" Gandalf asked, and you shrugged.

"I'm just wandering around, as usual. You know me. I never stay in one place for too long." You said. Gandalf knew that, obviously. Being a child of an elf and a human, you felt like you never belong anywhere.

Elves felt really tense and quiet, and humans were quite loud for you, because of your hearing. And you aged lot slower than them, so making friends was also quite...not it.

"I've been looking for you, to join an adventure," You curiously gave him a look.

"An adventure? What kind of adventure?"

"Well," he looked at you.

"You know about Erebor and the line of Durin, right?" You frowned at him, and quickly shook your head.

"Gandalf, I can't-I can't join the dwarves! They will hate me! Everyone knows they hate the elves, and I'm half elf!" You said.

"Well, who said they will know? You owe me help," he reminded you. You thought back to when he healed you after orcs attacked you, and you sighed. He was right. This was the least you could do.

"And, who knows. Maybe they will like you," he gave you a look, and you folded your hands on your chest, and let out a sigh.

"Alright then. Where and when am I supposed to be?" He gave you all the information you needed. And you started your way to the Shire, looking at the first evening stars, as the starlight is what the Elves of Mirkwood love so much.

You got to the Shire around late afternoon after three days of traveling, and smiled. The hobbits and their houses were tiny, so you couldn't help, but smile. Maybe it won't be that bad, having perhaps a hobbit friend, after all...

-

You remembered the moment when you first met Kili. You thought Gandalf was there at Bilbo's house, but when you opened the door...

"Are you Master Boggins?" You frowned at the brunette dwarf.

"Do I look like a hobbit to you?" He looked at the other dwarf, then back at you, but there was Bilbo already.

Later on the journey, he found you without your cape on. It was your turn for bathing, but him and Fili forgot some their things at the river.

You just put off your cloak, and put your hair down from your headband. You heard steps, so you quickly turned around.

"You are..." Fili started.

"...an elf?" Kili finished. You huffed.

"Half elf. My mother was...human." you whispered. Painful memories of your early life came up, and you blinked to stop the tears.

"Don't tell anyone, please..." you looked at them. Both Fili and Kili must've seen something in your expression, that made them realize the importance. They nodded. Kili was, however, curious. Lot more than before, and asking you about elves. You talked about it when Thorin was far enought to not hear what was your conversations about, but it wouldn't matter much. Gandalf told them you spent part of your life living with the elves, which was true.

In fact, Kili became fascinated by you. He liked you before, and had a feeling, which he wasn't sure about. Interest, curiousity, the need to protect you, adoration...

In the moment he saw you, he realized you were his One, his love for life. And when you got closer, he asked you to court him. You said yes. From then on, you shared many quiet and stolen kisses and moments together, in the shadows of forests or your bedrooms in pubs.

The moment everyone else (except for Bilbo and the Durin brothers) found out, was when you came into Mirkwood. Thranduil ordered his guards to take your cloak and headband off, and now, everyone could see your pointy ears.

There was a moment of silence.

"What made an elf, to travel with group of dwarves?" You gulped and looked down.

"I'm a-a half elf," you whispered.

"My father was from here." You explained, and the king shot you a glare. He was not stupid. He knew you tried to pull his attention away.

"Take them to the dungeons, except for Oakenshield," he said.

When you made yourself as comfortable as you could on the cold floor, you overheard the dwarves trying to find out who you actually were and what you wanted.

To your surprise, they didn't talk about you in a bad way. Just curiousity. Thankfully.

-

"Do you think she will like me?" You said to Kili. He was writing a letter to his and Fili's mother, Dis, the happy news - Erebor was reclaimed, and they all survived. It's been a week since, and Thorin decided it was the right thing to let his sister know as soon as possible. She was surely worried.

Kili turned to you.

"Like you? Like you? She is going to love you," Kili grinned at you, and you had to smile a little too.

"Yeah, but...you know, I'm not a dwarf," you said your worry aloud. It was true. Being a half-elf, you and Kili started courting in secret. Thorin was not really kind to you, at least the first half of the journey. However, the rest of the Company liked you lot more. Especially Kili. After a while of knowing of what did you feel, you decided to tell him. To your surprise, but happiness, Kili shared those feelings. And since then, you had a tiny braid, hidden in your hair, and Kili as well.

And stole many, many secret kisses.

"I don't think mum is going to have issue with this," Kili stood up, and gently placed your hair behind your ear.

"You're my One, and you make me incredibly happy. I'm sure she won't have problem with you being half elf," You cupped his cheek, and softly smiled, as you looked deep in his kind brown eyes.

"I love you too, my short Prince," He stood on his toes and kissed you, getting a giggle from you. He pouted, when he heard you called him short, but you knew he didn't mind it.

You kissed him, and felt his smile on your lips. You were leaning down, when suddenly you lost balance, and both you and Kili ended up lying on the floor. Kili and you let out a yelp, but then broke into giggles.

"I love you," Kili said, when you finally stopped laughing. You cuddled into his chest and breathed in his scent. Kili smelled like smoke, food and fresh air.

"I love you too," Kili gently stroke your hair, and you got up.

"Where are you going?"

"You have to finish the letter, and I promised Tilda I will take a walk with her before the dinner." You helped Kili to get up.

"Alright my beloved, have a good time," he gently kissed you, and sat back to his desk. You smiled, and ruffled his hair.

"You too, my dearest." You smiled, and left the room.

-

It's been a few months, and you were finally, finally going to meet Kili and Fili's mother, Dis. She has been there for around two weeks by now, but, you haven't got the chance to meet her and be introduced to her yet.

You were officially going to meet her during upcoming celebration. Needless to say, you were freaking out.

Your stomach was tight from anxiety for a few days already, and that afternoon, it felt absolutely horrible. You haven't eaten whole day, just because all you thought about was the evening.

You spent around an hour of putting on and off different dresses from your wardrobe, trying to figure out which one to wear.

"Y/N?" Kili knocked on the door of your chambers.

"C'me in," you said. He came in, and his eyes widened, when he seen you sitting in front of the mirror, your eyes red and the mess everywhere.

"What am I supposed to wear? I have nothing to wear!" You started crying. All the stress and anxiety in past three months got the best of you. Random moments of crying, because of tiny things, were happening on daily basis.

"Dear, what is happening?" He pulled your hair back behind your ears.

"I-I just want-want your mum to like me," you muttered.

"And...it stresses me out." Kili nodded, and shortly hugged you.

"She is going to love you no matter which dress you wear, I promise." He whispered to your ear.

"Now, I think..." Kili looked around.

"I think the...the dark green dress will be perfect."

When you changed into the dress Kili picked you, Kili brushed and styled your hair. He pulled the top section into a clip, and you pulled a few strands, to frame your face. You smiled at yourself in the mirror.

"You ready?" Kili asked. You just silently nodded.

As you walked down the hall, Kili was trying to figure out where his uncle, brother and mother went to. He couldn't see them anywhere, and he was sure he was once in a while not late.

When you entered the huge throne room, you could see Fili, and let out a breath of relief.

"Fili, have you seen-"

"Kili, there you are," A woman came from behind Fili, and looked over her younger son.

"Have you brushed your hair?" Kili huffed.

"Of course I did." He said quietly, so nobody could hear him. He was visibly embarrassed, and you let out laugh. She suddenly turned to you. Her deep blue eyes reminded you Thorin, but they had the same twinkle as Kili and, occasionally, Fili.

"I don't remember I seen you here before," she said.

"Well, I usually spend my time outside of Erebor, so I think that might be it," You nervously smiled. She hummed.

"I-I'm not a part of the royal family," you said, and almost groaned. Now that was embarrassing for sure.

"Y/N, this is my and Kili's mum, Dis. Mum, this is Y/N," Fili said, and you felt your cheeks heat up.

"I-um-" You tried to say something, but she pulled you in short hug.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N," she gave you a smile, and then went back between the guests with Fili.

You let out a breath.

"That was embarrassing," you groaned. Kili chuckled.

"No, not at all. She likes you." It suddenly felt like it was much easier to breathe.

"She-she does?" Your eyes widened, and Kili nodded.

"Of course! And you can bet she will steal you to me during the evening,"

"How do you know that?" You turned to him with surprise written all over your face.

"She is my mother. I know her for a long time." He just said.

"She seems to be...different from Thorin," you said, hoping it wouldn't come out as offensive. Kili chuckled.

"Mum and Uncle really aren't that different. Uncle just focuses more on the kingdom and mum, on family," Kili said in low voice, so that only you could hear it.

When you sat down to the table, where the royal family and the Company was, you looked around. You and Kili did secretly hold hands under the table, and you talked to Dis, who was sitting across the table.

"Good evening, everyone," Thorin said, and the people got more quiet.

"It's my pleasure to meet all of you here today. I have some things to say, before the celebration starts." Thorin paused, and Kili leaned near you with a grin.

"It's just a few formalities, don't worry, love." You smiled at him back with tight smile. You felt something was not right. Thorin talked about the kingdom a little at first. The next news was, however, what you were afraid of.

"I'm very happy to say, my nephew Fili is going to marry-" you let out a breath. Kili turned to you with worry.

"Do you feel okay?" He asked, when suddenly...

"And my nephew Kili, who also has already arranged marriage, with-"

Kili stared at Thorin, and you as well.

"Kili-Kili, please-" you tried to stop Kili from going to Thorin. Kili was visibly angry, his jaw was tight, and body tense.

"Kili? What is happening?" Thorin came and let through his teeth. You suddenly felt everyone's eyes on you.

"I need some fresh air," you whispered and walked away, as quickly as you could. When you left, you came in your chambers, kneeled to your bed, and started crying.

You knew it. You should've known before.

Thorin would do this. Even when Fili and Kili were children, he would make sure they had wives already. They were princes. They needed to have a wife.

And Thorin...Thorin would never allow Kili to court you or marry you.

The next day, Kili came into your room. He had dark circles under his eyes, and gave you weak smile.

"I promise we will work this out," he muttered, and pulled you close to his chest.

Kili was asleep - and you let him - but, you thought about your situation, and tried to come up with possible solutions.

However, it was as if there weren't any.

It's been a few days, and you cuddled into your blanket. You fell asleep, and when you woke up, you looked around the room.

This place isn't for me anymore, you thought, and started packing your clothes into your bag. You changed into tunic and trousers, and wrote a letter to Kili, that you were sorry, but it was probably better to have a wife his Uncle would like, that you were leaving and never coming back, so he shouldn't be looking for you.

You quietly left the palace, and walked out in the morning. The air was fresh and nice, and for a moment, you forgot your sadness.

You walked to Dale, and decided to meet Bard. You had nowhere to go, and maybe staying there would be good, before you'd go...somewhere else.

The guards let you in, and as you thought of going to Rivendell, you noticed Bard.

"Bard?" He turned to you, and nodded at you.

"Hi Y/N. What brings you here?" You sighed.

"I'm leaving Erebor, Bard...but the problem is, I need to think about of where-" you suddenly felt dizzy, and Bard catched you. He called for a healer, that's what your hazy mind could catch.

You basically woke up, in a room. On a bed. Comfortable bed.

"Lie still, lady Y/N," the healer said. You frowned a little, when she placed her ear to your stomach.

"I can hear the heartbeat clearly. The baby is most likely around three months old," she said.

"What baby?" You asked, confused. You looked from the healer to Bard and Bard to healer. She took your hands in hers.

"You don't know, my lady? You are pregnant. I can clearly hear the heartbeat of your child," she softly smiled at you. You shook your head, and felt a few tears escaping your eyes.

"I'm...I'm with child," you whispered. You could not believe it. So perhaps, it wasn't just stress...

"Who is the father?" The healer asked, when she helped you to sit up. You nervously looked in your lap.

"Kili. Prince...Kili. Kili Durin." You said, and Bard and the healer shared a look.

"He...he doesn't know. Can we keep it a secret? Please?" You looked at them.

They said yes. Bard was like a father to you, and let you stay. He showed you chambers, that would be your home for next few months at least.

You never went back to Erebor. You thought Kili had to marry the princess, so you just tried to think of the baby you were carrying.

It wasn't that hard, honestly. The baby was often restless, though.

As if it missed Kili as much as you did...

Even if the baby would have to grow up without it's biological dad, you were sure you'd be able to take care of them well.

Some days, you were happy, and didn't think of Kili too much. It pained you, yes, and you knew you had to be strong for the baby, so you often asked someone to teach you something, such as how to prepare different meals, how to knit or how to play piano, to name a few.

Other days, you felt sad. It could be because of the weather, or hormones, some days you just woke up sad, and sometimes it was when something reminded you of Kili. Those days, the baby was the most restless, and the maids told you it was because the baby missed it's father.

You sat down to the armchair next to the window in your bedroom, and looked out on the street. Nobody could see you from here, so it made you feel safe. You looked up and seen Erebor.

"There's your daddy, over there," you whispered to the baby.

The answer you got, was soft kick.

-

"Does it hurt?" Sigrid asked you, looking at your belly. You smiled at her.

"No, it doesn't." You stroke your stomach. You've been pregnant for past almost nine months. Bard was so kind and let you stay, and even offered you bigger chambers, which you gladly agreeded to. The chambers were perfect size, and the baby could have their own small room, overtime.

You let out shaky breath. You wanted Kili to know about all of this. To be there with you, talk to you and to the baby.

But, it was not possible. It would hurt his reputation, and perhaps even his marriage.

You dried your tears, and carefully stood up. Even as pregnant, you were able to stand up yourself, luckily quite easily. You felt very thankful for some of your genes being from the elves, because, as Bard explained to you, humans had it harder.

When you slowly got yourself out of the castle, you breathed in. The air smelled nicely - you smelled fresh bread, old leaves, fresh air from the lake. Mix of summer and autumn. You felt it was one of the last few warm days, before the typical autumn comes.

You looked around, and your cravings were begging you for some freshly baked, soft warm bread with fresh butter, melting on top of it. You thought of the crispiness of the bread's crust, and your mouth started watering. You groaned, when you felt how your stomach let you know some snack would come handy.

You slid your hand to your pocket, and made sure you have enough money.

You started walking, to find some bakery, and as you looked around, you noticed one on the other end of the street.

You let out a breath, and started walking towards the small store.

You were almost there, when you overheard a gasps, escaping a few young girls. You slowed down and listened to their conversation.

"Did you see him?"

"Yes, I did. Do you think it really is the Prince?"

"Of course he is! I mean, look at him. I'd recognize the hair clip everywhere." You frowned a little, when you suddenly realized it. You stopped walking, and felt hot wave running down your back, and liquid running down your leg.

You carefully looked down. It was clear.

You turned around, and - damn it! - your eyes locked with Kili's in the exact moment.

He started walking towards you. You clearly recognized happiness in his eyes, and relief.

"Y/N, where have you been those past months? I was worried about you," He said, and when he was near you, you recognized even the wet shine in his chocolate eyes. You felt sudden rush of guilt.

He must have notice the guilt on your face. Kili frowned a little, when he took a notice of your belly, under the dress.

"I-you..." You noticed it. He was holding back tears. You shook your head, as you tried to hold your own.

"Kili, it isn't like this...please trust me!" You felt another wave of heat running down your back, and stepped forward, but sudden dizzines made you take wrong step. Kili quickly catched you.

"Kili, I-this is, uh..."

"You moved on," he said. You shook your head.

"No, it's...you are the father," you said, but didn't notice what was his reaction, because suddenly, you realized what was going on, as you were holding your belly.

"I need to get back, and find a healer and midwife," you let out through your gritted teeth.

"We will get there quickly," Kili let out, and you had a feeling.

"Don't you dare to faint!" You let out.

Kili helped you to get back. You noticed Sigrid, and told her to quickly find healer. She didn't ask anything, and quickly runned away. You let out a groan and gripped Kili's arm.

"Lady Y/N, we need to get you to the room prepared for labour," the healer said, and checked on your belly.

When you got there, and changed into simple gown, you laid down as the healer told you.

Kili stayed there, and you were gripping his arm and hand.

"I'm not fucking letting you to sleep with me ever again," you said through gritted teeth. Kili took a shaky breath, and you shot him a glare.

"Don't you dare to faint, Kili Durin! You did put this baby inside me nine months ago, so now-"

"This is just the pain speaking from Lady Y/N, Prince Kili. Don't take it personally," Kili gulped and nodded.

"You're doing great, love," he said carefully. You let out a huff.

"I didn't finish! Now you will deal with me breaking your arm, because it hurts!" You almost yelled at him.

"I can see the head, my Lady!" The healer smiled.

"With this next contraction, you will push as much as you can!" The healer said.

"Okay, one, two, three-push!"

"You're doing great, dear. The baby is almost there," Kili tried to cheer you up.

"You have no idea how painful it is!" You screamed.

"My lady, this is going to be your last push, are you ready?" The healer looked up at you, and you nodded.

"One, two, three, push!" The healer let out. You gripped Kili's hand, and suddenly...

You heard a baby scream.

"It's a girl!" The healer said happily. You smiled, and let out some happy tears.

"You-you did it!" Kili said, and you wiped off your eyes.

"No, we did it," you muttered, and he kissed your cheek.

"How do you feel, Y/N?"

"I'm okay," you smiled. The midwife checked on you, and handed you your baby.

"Everything seems to be in order," she said and smiled. You smiled at her back. She was there for you for all those months, and you got close.

"Thank you so much," She nodded.

"I'll leave you alone," she said, and left.

You stroke the baby's cheek.

"How are we going to name her?" Kili whispered, and stroke the baby's chubby cheek. You shrugged.

"Well...I'm not sure. I was thinking of Arina," you said.

"It's...it's beautiful name," Kili said, and you realized he was crying.

"Kili...I'm so sorry for...for hiding it from you," you whispered. Kili shook his head.

"Love...it isn't your fault. Can I...can I hug you?" You nodded, and he slid his arm around your shoulders.

"If anything, it's my fault." He muttered.

"I should've known where did you go, and-"

"Shh," you said.

"We can talk about that later. Arina's asleep now."

You were quietly watching the baby. The midwife came back soon, to check on you and the baby, and when she left, Kili spoken up.

"We talked Uncle the marriges out." You nodded.

"You left Erebor by then already. I was looking everywhere for you, only if I knew-" you subtly interrupted him.

"I didn't know either. I wanted to go to Rivendell, but...then, I found out. It would be risky, so Bard let me stay here," You shrugged.

"Do you still want to leave, though?" Kili looked at you with sad eyes, when he looked away from your daughter. You shook your head.

"No." Kili grinned, and gently brushed his hand over your cheek.

"Just for your information...mum was going nuts when she found out about the arranged marriges. She likes you a lot." You smiled, and took Kili's hand in yours.

"Well...let's hope she likes her too," You looked at Arina's sleeping face.

You came back the next day. Kili had to go to Erebor that evening, but in the morning, he came back.

When you entered, you overheard a strong female voice. You quickly realized who was the woman.

"I don't care my brother has a meeting. Go tell him he has to come here. It's a family emergency," she said, and turned to you and Kili.

"Y/N, where have you-oh, who is this?" Dis turned to you, and noticed the baby. You shared a look with Kili.

"This is your granddaughter," You said carefully. Dis looked between you and Kili, and it seemed like most things clicked to her. She smiled.

"Well..."

"Dis, what does that means?" Thorin's voice came from different hall, and you noticed Fili giving you a knowing smile.

"Thorin..." you said, and he turned to you. He seemed to be confused, but then he looked at Arina.

"What does this-"

"Uncle, let's get some privacy first," Fili said.

When you came to library, Thorin turned to you. Dis stood up, as if she would want to protect you.

"Uncle...Y/N and I started courting on the quest in secret. We planned to get married, but when you announced the arranged marriges for me and Fili, we-"

"I left Erebor, because I thought you would never accept me as partner for your nephew, Thorin. I found out I was pregnant, however, I didn't want to hurt Kili's reputation or his marrige, so I never came back to announce it. He met me in Dale yesterday, and I, um...I went to labour." Thorin has been looking at you and Kili. Your body was tense, and Fili, Kili and Dis were ready to protect you any moment.

Thorin slowly closed this eyes, and placed his face into his palms. When he looked up again, he let out a sigh.

"Fili, Kili, sister, leave us alone."

"But Uncle-" Fili said, but Thorin shook his head.

"I said, leave us alone. It won't be long." They three left, and you were a bit afraid.

"Kili is a prince, yes. But, he is also a dwarf, who needs to have someone who he is happy with." Thorin said, looking away from you.

"I noticed, of course. You make him happy, Y/N. I thought it was just childish love, that you would leave, and it would break Kili's heart. I owe you honest apology, Y/N. For thinking you wouldn't take his love seriously." He looked at you, and you let out a small smile. You nodded.

"Apology accepted, Thorin. Courting Kili makes me incredibly happy, and I am honored to say he is my lover," you said, and Thorin looked at you.

"Well, and when it comes to, um...you staying, you can stay here. If you would like to."

"I'd be very thankful."

A few years later

"Fi, look!" Kili said, as Arina walked towards Kili, again. She was giggling, as her father was dancing with her. You laughed.

"Kili, be careful!"

"Daddy, look!" The little girl pointed to a butterfly, who sat on her dress.

"Yeah, it's beautiful," Kili said, and she pouted.

"Don't move, or it will fly away!" Arina let out, and let the butterfly gently walk on her palm.

"Uncle, look, I got a butterfly!" Arina showed it to Fili, who nodded with nervous face.

"Oh, it's beautiful, Ari. Would you put it, um, a bit away from me, please?" She put the butterfly on a flower, and Fili let out a breath.

"I'm sleepy, mommy." She came to you, and lean her head on your shoulder.

"Ari?" A little boy came, and the girl jumped up with grin.

"Vili!" She squealed, and started tickling her cousin.

"Granny!" Arina gasped, when she noticed Dis.

"You are growing up so fast, Ari!" She said proudly, and you two shared a look.

"Aye, that's what she does," Kili let out a chuckle, and gently kissed your cheek.

[jasonsthots]

Almost hiding the darkness within

I have no clue how to post this properly but here we go-

Big thanks to @jaybirdsdarling like without her I definitely couldn't have made this or even posted it so thanks babes 😘

Warnings- smut- lots of it, yandere peoples, slight noncon to dubcon? Violence, slight gun play, voyeurism, cuckolding--- basically bring your holy water (there might be more but not sure 😚)

It all started with the landing. Ya' know the one. That superhero landing. The one that looks like it really hurts the knees. When that, a brown leather jacket, red helmet wearing man landed like that in front of her like a human shield. Those that had been trying to mug her, knew it was over before it had started. Before they had a chance to run, he was on them. Limps, noses, all broken when he was done.

When he was done, he just simply stood up and turned to her. She was smiling dumbly, she knew that. Her cheeks hurt, dried tears stained her cheeks, nose stuffed from running and she was sure her hair was a mess from the tugging the men had done. But she didn't care, her savor was right there-

"Miss, always put your money away inside when it's given, not when you're outside. Honestly. I thought this was common knowledge." His mechanical voice rang through the alley as he passed by, his back now to her as he looked over one last time. "And especially not in an alleyway with 100 different kinds of graffiti." And with that, he grappled away.

Y/n's pout was deep as she looked on. Giving a swift kick to one of the robbers that laid on the pavement. "Maybe next time..."

_______

It was like she had planned it. He had to start watching her. He had to. She was like a magnet for trouble. It was almost a nightly thing. Like she would purposely find the most dangerous part in Gotham to go and act like a ditz. She wasn't though. She knew better. He'd seen it. The simple smacks she gave to guys at the diner who got too handsy. She wasn't defenseless. Yeah those were small slaps to the hands, but they were a sign that she definitely could handle herself enough to know not to go into that damn alley. And there she went. In the damn alley. So like he had for the past few weeks, he swung down.

He should know better. He has bigger problems. Like that big fuckin' mafia guy who's selling drugs, weapons and people for gods sake. But there he was. Once again, kicking ass for the same girl, night after night. The simple finger point doing nothing as this time, she walked up- and grabbed it. Bringing his hand close to her face and resting it on her cheek. An unfamiliar touch that had his heart swelling and any bit of anger he held to her disappear in an instant.

She looked up to where his white covered eyes were and smiled, the grime on her face and wrecked hair not taking from the beauty she possessed. Her eyes twinkled under the dim Gotham lights, her smile twisted, breathtaking. "You always seem to be here just in time huh?"

A groan was heard from the men at their feet, earning a kick from her.

Jason's eyebrow tweaked at her action, a small smile creeping to his lips.

"Seems like it, you should be more careful, doll."

A nickname that came so easily. Her heart accepted it with open arms as she pushed her body closer to his, craning her neck back to look at him properly. "But then, how else would I see you Red?"

The man smirked under his helmet, a low chuckle coming out almost like static from the voice changer. Him too taking a step forward. "So, you admit you do this on purpose?"

A low groan erupted from the men again, this time Red kicking them to silence. Y/n hummed and rested her other hand on his waist, their chest pressed gently to each other. "Is that bad? I didn't really know how to work a signal in the sky, so I settled."

"On getting mugged?" The black haired man asked amused, the girl shrugging in response with a small giggle. Jason couldn't hold the smile that spread across his cheeks as he finally snapped the helmet off, the domino mask coming as a disappointment to the shorter girl. Still, she appreciated having something more than an off putting helmet to get off to from now on.

"It worked didn't it?" She spoke softly as she caressed his now exposed cheek.

"There were safer ways." He spoke back, barely above a whisper as their faces neared. Jason felt like his heart would pound out of his chest. Did she really do that for just a chance to see him? She... put her life on the line- for the possibility to see him? That-

That was the nicest thing anyone had done for him.

"Worth it."

Just like that, those last few inches were gone, their lips finally meeting in a soft, heart warming kiss.

Cough. Cough. "Fuckin'-- psychopaths- uggh-" Kick.

_________

Weekly visits became nightly, nightly became daily, and before they knew it, they lived together. Suddenly it became as easy as breathing, being together. Y/n's dumb plans didn't need to happen to get his attention, he was already there. She had his number. She had him in her bed. She had him. Jason knew this. And he was thrilled. He was worried at first. Was he moving too fast? Slow? No. She reassured him. It was just the right pace. She felt the same. They felt like all the pieces to each other's puzzles were finally falling into place.

Until the day happened.

Y/n, was, to put it lightly, odd. The girl had intentionally gotten robbed multiple times just to talk to the guy for god's sake. This, of course, led to her developing a certain set of.....skills.

See, to the common eye it would have looked like she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But she always knew when to go. She knew when he was watching her and when there was something....more important than her that needed help. So when she felt a new set of eyes on her. She knew something was up. It wasn't the other Batfamily members. They honestly....had a hard time wrapping their heads around her and deemed her tolerable at best. No. These were prying eyes.

These eyes didn't leave her. No, no. They stayed. For weeks. She felt them. They were learning. Listening to everything she said, everything she did, seeing everywhere she went. They picked it all up. They were picking up any information from when she got off work to how long she took showers.

And she liked it.

She felt guilty. She felt dirty. She didn't know why she didn't tell Jason. He was her everything after all, and boy would he be furious if he were to learn such things were taking place.....yes....furious.

Boy would she not want that.

So there she was, her wrist tied to a cold metal chair. Her struggles are no longer a problem, her shit talking too due to the gag they placed after the hundredth "when my boyfriend finds out" shtick. Her blindfold long removed as the man responsible sat in front of her, his elbows resting on his knees as he looked at every detail of her exposed skin. Her dress shredded into pieces from the whole ordeal. Y/n held back the smile that tried to spread as she saw him shuffling uncomfortably as his eyes raked over her lower half, her thighs that were spread wider from being tied to opposite legs. Her lower region on display.

The man cleared his throat as he scooted closer, his legs wedging in between her spread ones. The light shone perfectly to every curve of his dark covered face. The only seen color being his eyes and the tips of his cheeks. "So. Shackin' up with Red huh? It must be fun. I imagine you play his therapist a lot? Heard he has alotta daddy issues."

The tied girl let out a huff as she turned her head. How dare he speak like that. He has no idea what Jason has been through. To put it so lightly.

The man tilted to the side to meet her gaze that had turned cold. He laughed. "Oh what? Did I hurt your feelings? Suddenly you feelin' tough or somethin'?" He leaned forward. And that's when she finally gasped. The gag of course muffled it, adding to the already hard to breathe problem she was having. "Yeah. Don't be. Ain't in any position to be acting all high and mighty."

When his hand raised on to her shoulder, his thumb brushing against her pluses before wrapping his hand around her neck to face him, her mind couldn't care less about the man getting physical. The only thing she could think of was what she was looking at. How....she knew how. There was a man who looked like a human but was actually an alien flying around, anything was possible.

So this was the man. She had of course heard of him. Not only from her significant other, but she did use to live in a not so friendly neighborhood. Even then, if you didn't know who this was, well, welcome to Gotham, where there's a Bat running around and a man whose face is literally a black skull. Yes. Black mask.

She mumbled.

The man sighed heavily and took the gag out. "If you say one more thing about the fuckin' Redhood- I will say fuck this whole plan and just send your head instead."

"Just wanted to say I didn't know death took vacations."

The nicely suited man barked a laugh as he stood and straightened his jacket. Y/n's smirk fell as he lowered his face to level with her, his hand resting next to her head dangerously close. "It's going to be fun breaking you."

____________

Jason was losing it. He had pretty much torn the house brick by brick searching for her. His love. His doll. His darling. She wasn't here. She hadn't been for days. Weeks? God what was he kidding. He knew exactly how long. He felt it. When she was taken. Like a sixth sense. He knew something was up. And sure enough, when he got home- she was gone.

He should have put the tracker in. He had talked to her about it, and she agreed to do it. It was safer. But he just...never got around to actually doing it. He had thought about performing some light surgery on her arm, nothing major, just putting it in her arm. That was a bit much. He had thought about putting it into a needle and doing it that way. Decided he didn't want to hurt her. Wanted to put it in her food. Didn't want her to choke. Thought about in a small box! Didn't want her to freak out and think he was proposing. So- here he was. Panicking because he had no idea where she was, if she was alive, and why she was even gone in the first place.

Jason tried to keep his mind from going to a dark place. The place that wondered if it was on purpose. She'd done it before. Stressed him out by putting her life on the line. He thought it was cute almost. "It's not cute anymore." He spoke to no one. The house was in ruins. His fists were bloodied and bruised from all the ass he'd been beating. There were no leads for weeks. Every stone was turned but nothing made sense. Friends couldn't get a word in, Jason created this whole new world where it was just him. "It's not fuckin'- cute- any- more-!" Each scream coming with a new hit, objects and people blending together. He was getting to that place.

What if she actually left? Not a game she played. Not some weird attention seeking act. She.....left.

It wasn't looking good, and it just kept getting worse.

__________

Her h/c sweat covered hair was swooped to the side, her fight dying down. There was no use, it was going to happen either way. "C'mon, don't pretend you don't like it, doll."

She winched. "What? Isn't that what he called you? Doll? Nothing special about it, you are a fucktoy after all." A laugh ripped from Roman's bare chest at his own twisted joke.

Yeah. There he was. Proud of the almost broken woman in front of him, naked and in charge of the situation. The blinking light at the end of the bed was a reminder of how fucked she really was. Both figuratively and literally. His fingers were gilding through her folds with an ease she was ashamed of. The sounds made making her stomach turn. She didn't like this. She wasn't turned on. She didn't want him......

These were the things she used to tell herself.

She was ashamed at how quickly she had felt herself give in. Was that what she always wanted? To be used as some fucktoy for some scumbag that hurt and used her and others however he wanted?

God no. She couldn't have.

She wanted Jason.

Then why....

Why did she spread her legs wider?

They spread as far as she could get them, her soaked core on full display for the camera to see, the man behind it zooming in as they themselves got closer. Getting a quiet growl like warning from Roman not to get too close.

The moans that followed were nothing short of pornographic. Her back was arched off the bed as her legs shook, those wrist restraints keeping her from getting a hold on the man who was putting her through euphoric torture. "Roman..." Her whimper sent a shock straight to the man's cock.

On full attention it stood, bobbing up and down as he moved to unhook her, repositioning her to face the camera on all fours. Her face was.....sinful. Her cheeks were flushed, her mouth gaping opening, her hair tousled. Her body was even still shaking from her previous orgasms leading to her almost falling as Roman began his painfully fast and hard thrust. Her moans rippled straight from her chest out of her throat. His hand wrapped around her hair and yanked it back, her chest heaving and back painfully arched. Sweat dripped off their bodies from what seemed like hours long of pure fucking. His other hand came to her front to rub at her clit in fast motions that had her hips bucky in an unruly way as they couldn't find out to get away or push back. Opting for the latter.

She met his thrust hungrily every time as best she could, the room filled with moans and the sound of skin slapping together at harsh speeds. Roman's pace was unforgiving, it didn't let up after the next orgasms hit her.

"Where should I do it now, huh? You want me to cum in your tight hole again? You can't waste it like you did last time though. If you do, you won't be getting my cock for a long time. And a whore needs their masters cock now don't they?"

Y/n's mouth formed wide Os as she tried to form some words to satisfy him. "Fuck- yes Roman- fuck I promise-" Her moans ripped through. "T-to no-not waste any-of- ohh~"

This seemed to be enough because the next thing she knew, she felt it. His cock twitched violently as his hips lost rhythm, his cum spilling inside of her, filling her once more. His grip on her scalp burned, but she didn't stop from that twisted and sinister smile to spread on her face as she grinded her hips back. A sharp slap being delivered to her ass cheeks as Roman barked out at her, "Stop being such a cock whore." This threatening tone dropped almost immediately as he soon laughed, grappling her chin and tilting her back to kissing her, a sloppy wet heat filled kiss. "Now that video's a keeper."

_____________

Jason finally lost it. Be felt dumb. He felt hurt. He felt utterly betrayed. His sweet, poor darling- the actual fucking cumslut. For Roman. Sionis. He had been hunting her down for months. And there she was. Accepting- no asking- no- begging for Black masks cock. For his cum. The things she did for Jason, she was now doing for that scum. He was pissed. How fucking dare she? After all he's done for her? No- he couldn't think that way. There was no way. It was his darling. His doll. She loved him too much for that. No. It was all an act. It had to be. She would never do that to him.

This is what he wanted to believe as he watched the hour long videos that kept making their way to him. Her lips wrapped hungerly around another man's cock. Being pulled away just for her to stick her tongue out to get another taste, receiving a slap to her cheek. "Don't be such a greedy slut." Was Romans words.

Videos on videos of Roman fucking Jason's girl. Cum filling up every hole the scum could want, all eagerly accepted from the girl he swore would be crying to be saved, instead relishing in the fuck fest she was dealt.

His fist clenched around his cock, furiously stroking away. God he missed her.

Her face was covered in the white ropes, her mouth taking in as much as it could as Roman pumped himself in her face. Jason fucking hated it. But god did she look fucking hot. He hated it. He hated him. He hated her. But that didn't stop him from unloading on his computer screen. His brow furrowed as pure rage coursed through his blood. He was getting her back. And she would see who she fuckin' really belonged too.

______________

Y/n knew it wouldn't be long. She played with herself, her fingers dancing across her wet slit showing just how wet she was. Her moans gentle as she spread her legs wider for the camera. "C'mon closer, get nice and in there." Her voice coaxed, of course Roman shouting orders for the camera man not to move. Her pout aimed towards the angered man. "Well if you won't let him touch me will you at least? You know I can't do it myself, you ruined me Roman~" She cooed.

The man in question groaned out and walked over, his cock next to her face as he claimed to a kneeling position on the bed. "Well, warm me up first, doll."

"Yes sir~" Her free hand came up to stroke the semi next to her. Her smile was anything but sweet and innocent like she feigned. Her tongue poking out to taste the precum that had been building up from the show. "But it looks like you're already good to go." The wink that came after did something different to Roman. God. When had he become so fuckin' turned on by watching her? When did he get so hard by her just existing? When did he want to see her asking- begging for him and it not being about fuckin' with the hood?

He wasn't sure. But he didn't hate the feeling. Especially when he buried his cock deep inside her. Her legs were spread and the angle was perfect, her back to him and front to the camera. Was this guy a director or what? Surely this would make the hood pissed off. Even if not- damn was she a good fucktoy.

_________

It wasn't the middle of the night. No. It was broad daylight when he broke in. It had taken him way too long for his liking. He had gotten a dozen more videos before he had finally found Black masks place. It's not like he could have asked for backup, they wouldn't understand. Not like they cared for her anyway. No, he had to do it on his own. And damn was that a good idea.

'Cause there he was. Bullets flying everywhere. It didn't matter who, how many. Each one had a special bullet for them in his head. Each one of these fuckers responsible for her kidnapping. Her torture. Torture. That's what it was. She didn't like it. She hated- she hated it. Yeah. She hated it. Was ridiculous how many times he had to remind himself of that. Yeah the videos were convincing. But he knew her better than those videos. He knew she wouldn't actually be begging for scum like that.

"You ruined me, Roman~"

Kept replaying in his head. That same line.

"I'll fucking show you ruined."

_______________

There they were. Two guns. One trained on a man in a designer italian suit. The other trained to an all to calm on the inside girl. "Now now. You wouldn't want to waste your time just by having me kill her would you?" Roman threatened, the gun he held pushing further into the girls head, the same gun Jason had seen her sucking on in multiple videos.

The Y/n's head was throbbing. Not just from the gun in her head but because she was- so excited.

She really played the long game, huh?

Jason clenched the gun tighter. His mask was doing a great job of keeping it together, because he certainly wasn't. "How 'bout you just make this easier for both of us and. Let. Her. Go. Like you said- I don't want to waste my time." Whether you were on the receiving end or not- it sent chills down their spines and a certain tingle down below for the h/c haired girl.

Roman clenched his jaw tight. His arm that's as wrapped around her tighter as he backed up. And backed up. And backed up. "Now now Sionis. I've never taken you for someone who'd rather kill themselves then hand someone over. Must have really gotten desperate." His last words a growl as his eyes flicked to the girl in his arms.

Roman looked down, his arms more....slack as they fell more into a hug from behind. His eyes softened. "You have no idea..." The girl met his eyes with the same fondness.

Red. No not Jason's helmet. The color he saw. Pure rage rippled through him as he pulled the trigger. Not once. Not twice. Over and over and over again, unloading a clip that not only undoubtedly killed Roman ten times over, but regrettably, knocking both out of the large window that laid behind them. As fast as the rage was there it disappeared, leaving only panic as Jason launched out of the window without a thought other than, "God- no!"

Was it?

Worth it? That's what she was thinking. Y/n. As the smirk crept to her face, placing one last kiss on her now corpse kidnapper and lover, she pushed him further, a subtle pay back for his words and treatment to her for the last months she had spent with him. Her arms wide open as he hit the ground first. Her eyes slowly closing, the wind whipping by.

"Worth it."

___________

She was an odd one. The Batfamily deemed her actually crazy. Jason never listened. Why would he? She had such a good heart. She supported him in his vigilante ways. She had even said she might join him. She understood what it took to get what you want. Maybe that's why he wasn't so pissed at her. Because he finally understood as he watched her naked sleeping form on their bed. Right where it belonged. She wanted all of this. He should have seen it. The very first smile that almost hid the darkness within. Twisted, yet so sweet. Like cyanide in candy. He knew from the beginning she wasn't a normal girl.

But then again, he wasn't a normal guy.

But there was still punishment to be dealt.

Y/n awoke with a harsh yank to her ankle, her ass suddenly on the edge of the bed. Forcibly sat up, her eyes level with the stomach of the man she had been missing. Her eyes met the storm that raged through Jason's eyes and he grabbed her chin to look at him. Even out of her peripheral vision she could see he was fully nude, her bottom lip finding a place in between her teeth as a smile took over. "Hey Jay." She cooed.

He was ashamed at how eager his cock was the moment his name left her mouth. His eyes glared daggers at her as his grip tightened. "Don't act like that." She opened her mouth, spewing bullshit like always. But he wouldn't let her. Not this time. "Like you're this innocent sweet heart. No. You're not that are you? You haven't been for a long time, if ever."

She let out a mock offended gasp. "Jay....he did bad things, that has to count for something. He made me do so many bad things to him." She pouted, her puppy dog eyes that would normally get him having no effect- at least not the kind she was hoping for.

His palm slipped from her chin to her neck, lifting her slightly with the force as he bent at the waist. "Baby, I got all the videos. The only forcing I saw was him trying to fit his cock into your tight pussy. But you still begged him for it. Because you wanted it."

He was shocked to see her eyes hood at the memory, her lust filled look deepening. His stomach turning from it. "It did feel pretty good to be stretched out again. It had been so long." Fire burned through him as he practically threw her on the ground to her knees. He didn't let her settle before he had her by the hair, forcing her mouth to open as he shoved his fully ready to go dick down her throat. The action making her gag and fling her hands to his thighs. He caught her hands and held them with one hand while the other dragged her head back and further on his length.

"How fucking dare you?" He spat with venom. "Do you know how fucking worried I was? Huh? Just to find out you're just being a whore----- to that fucking low life!?" Y/n couldn't answer, her throat being abused by his unpleasantly harsh thrust that was gonna make it hard to talk later. Her breathing was already none existent.

"So many fucking weeks." He groaned out, his eyes finally looking down. Her eyes already meeting his stormy blue ones, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her mouth stretched painfully full. But she never made a move to leave. No. She was taking this punishment like a champ. "So many months of me searching for you. Then I see uggh--" Her tongue ran along the under part of his shaft, clearly he wasn't deep enough. So he pushed further. Her breathing became hard with each thrust. "Then he sends those fucking videos. You begged for his cum princess. You fuckin' cried for it. You wanted it all. Inside you. On you. You wanted to taste it mixed with yours. Well don't worry doll." Her lips moved, unable to smile properly around him, her heart swelling. She missed him.

His grip tightened as he leaned down slightly, his cock going impossibly further down, her lips touching the base, breathing no longer an option as he smirked down. "You'll finally get daddy's cum, the cum you really needed. And maybe if you're good, I'll let you cum too, so you can suck it off me again." And with that, he stood up straight, let her catch some of her breath, then fucked her mouth until he felt that much needed relief spill down her throat. Coating the back in white liquid with a loud throaty groan.

He released her head which she immediately swung back, hand to her chest as she greedily gulped down air. But not for a moment longer than needed. She was back in front of him stroking him, her eyes leaking tears as her legs became soaked with the flood that was her arousal. "Thank you sir." She smiled.

Why was he so pissed off at her smile? Because. It was the same smile- the same mouth Roman had used. He needed to make her his all over again. She was his. He picked her up by her arm and tossed her to the bed. "You're not done yet." He gruffed out as he pushed her chest to the bed and pulled her ass up. "How many times?" He asked running his two fingers along her slit collecting all the juices that poured out.

She poked her head around. "I'm....not sure?"

He scoffed. "You let him cum so much in you, you don't even remember?" Her head nodded slowly. He whistled lowly. "Well. I cause that just means we have a long night don't we?"

The excitement- genuine excitement that she radiated was almost enough to make him no longer pissed off. Almost. "But remember." He leaned forward, his hands going to her hips as he massaged them. Placing gentle kisses down her spine and along her shoulder. The more than welcomed touch considering the past few months spent with pure hate fucking and all around rough sex. "You still get punishment for being such a cock whore." Too soon.

His soft touches left almost immediately followed by harsh smacks to the ass. Before she knew it her ass was almost the same red as his helmet, only occasionally palming it to slightly sooth the pain. But this wasn't a pleasant punishment ment to make you more turned on. No. It was harsh and real. She knew she did wrong. She knew she needed to be punished. But boy did it fucking hurt. By the time he was done, she was a sobbing mess. Her ass would be sore for sure. But it was all worth it as the tip of his cock pushed past her puffy folds into her tight heat. A long vulgar moan was realized from both parties as he sat for a moment, relishing in the feeling he missed so much.

His hands gripped her tightly as he pumped every last inch of himself he could. The movement so painfully slow but so necessary. They needed each other. She didn't realize how hard it was being without him. But she was so fuckin' happy when he came to her. She held out and here they were. One again. She loved him, and he loved her. It was fucked up. But- they did.

His veins dragged deliciously inside her tight walls, the tip of his dick hitting that one spot just right. "I- ohhh- missed you Jay-" She moaned out softly.

Jason's pace was slow and gentle, just enjoying the feeling of being inside her. Fuck did he miss her too. "You better have." But it wasn't anymore. The speed picked up along with the force and before she knew it, she was a sobbing blubbering mess. Her only thought- Jason's cock ruining her. "Now. I'm going to ask a question." He reached down and wrapped a hand around her throat, bringing her back up to his chest. The angle made her cry out. "And you better answer the right way." His speed picked up as he guided her back into his thrusts. Each word emphasized with a harsh thrust. "Who do you belong to?"

It was a simple question. One they both knew. One she should have never made him question. One that from day one, they both knew the answer. There was never an option. There would never be an option.

"You." She breathed out, her stomach making a familiar feeling. Her walls clenching and unclenching with every harsh thrust of Jason's ruthless hips.

His grip tightened before flipping her over to her back, her legs immediately being upped to his shoulders, the new position making her scream out in pure pleasure. "Not good enough, doll." He growled, his lips latching onto her neck and shoulder. Marking the answer down...

She gripped the bedsheets as her back arched into him. "I'm yours Jason! Only yours I fuckin' swear it!" And with that, Jason smiled. His hand reached between to rub her clit and a matching pace.

"Good girl. You're mine." He leans down to her ear, pecking behind it. "and I'm yours." One final kiss to her lips and she melted. Her walls squeezed and her eyes rolled back. Her orgasm washed over her like no other as her legs threatened to capture and never let go of Jason. His high soon followed and he let himself go freely in her. Every last drop would stay there. Because she was his. And he was hers.

________

"We're not done yet princess."

[beels-burger-babe]

I'm curious if you have your own MC headcanon. Like, how would B!MC go about in the Devildom, and interact with the demon brothers and side characters? What would they have done differently in the game?

Awwww, I love this question!

So basically, do I have any headcanons for if I myself were MC? Let's get into this! Do with this info what you will!

She most certainly would not stay like that though. I lovingly refer to myself as an Extrovert with Introverted tendencies. Once I start feeling comfy around certain brothers, (Definitely Mammon first and foremost. The others would happen very slowly afterwards), I'd be the slightest bit more open, would probably tease them a little, and would just generally try to get to know them and show them kindness.

1: Starts off shy, closed off, and anxious

B would be so freaked out and shy at first. I'm the kind of person that's pretty awkward around people when I first meet them, and if they give off strong, intimidating auras, (for some reason especially around men), I'm incredibly shy at first.

Therefore, B probably wouldn't talk all that much and would either nod and give quick answers as needed or awkwardly ramble. She'd fidget a lot and be too anxious and just shocked by the situation to actually argue or fight against Lucifer or anyone.

Eventually, she'll reach her natural "puppy dog" energy that I apparently possess. She'll speak her mind, dish out compliments on the daily, and will be a little more confident and relaxed around everyone.

2: Takes RAD and role on the student council very seriously

3: Would never ever use pacts without giving the brothers a heads up or receiving permission

B is definitely a good student, a bit of a teacher's pet and a nerd. I don't mean this in a way to brag, but I've always been one of those "top of the class" students and have been in various leadership positions in my life. So I think B would thrive at RAD and would be so curious and interested in the new things that they can learn from being the Devildom. She would also do her best to genuinely contribute to the student council and offer ideas on how to better student life and different events and activities they could do to higher school spirit.

(Once they get comfy enough, B would most certainly spend some time sneaking off with Solomon to adventure around the Devildom and see all the new sights and try new foods.)

Consent is important, and B just wouldn't be comfy forcing someone to do something they don't want to do, even if they're a demon and accepted the pact. If she did slip once or twice in burst of heightened emotion, she'd feel SO GUILTY afterwards and probably bake them cookies or make them something as an apology.

5: INSOMNIAC

I do not sleep well on a normal basis, and have a hard time sleeping in new environments. SO, B would sneak off to a room that she knows is far away from the brothers' rooms and just draw, write, read or even have a random 3 am dance party in there until she's exhausted enough and eventually drag herself back to bed.

Relationships with characters:

Lucifer:

- Respects his authority, hates how he abuses his power sometimes and treats his siblings.

-Once she's been there long enough, B will actively defend Mammon and the others against him and will respectfully call him out on occasion for his bullshit. (aka she's pretty much a not-so-secret member of the Anti-Lucifer League)

- At the same time, she is 100% low key afraid of him, but just doesn't fully show it.

- Despite this, will still check in on him and make sure he's getting enough food during his work binges

Mammon:

- Knows that Mammon is in charge of watching her, and therefore will be spending the most time with her, so will do her best to befriend him and get along with him.

- At first, she's a little irked by his tsundere tendencies, but once she sees his brothers berate him, she'd instantly understand what this is all about and feel protective over him.

- Always gives him words of encouragement and compliments him. He'd easily become her best friend, though she'd definitely form a crush on him.

-He's the person she runs to at 1am to show the funny TikTok she just watched or to give a scene by scene retelling of the amazing story she just read

Leviathan:

- She'd be torn. On one hand, he's a nerd like her and she'd love to hang out and play games with him, BUT he'd need to drop the whole "But are you real fan?" thing real quick or she's just gonna leave.

- As far as his insecurities go, B would try to help him find some self-help tools to aid in his confidence and would sharply correct him if he started degrading himself.

- His room would be her favourite though, and honestly, she'd probably go there just to chill with Henry 2.0 and make faces at him. I have done this with my sister's fish and will happily do so with Henry.

-Much like with Lucifer, B would check in on his gaming or anime binges and make sure that he's okay and eating properly.

Satan:

-Wants to be his friend SO FREAKING BADLY

-I mean, he has books, lots of them, and knows all kind of stuff, and loves pets and knows how to sneak cats into the house.

-But she'd be so intimidated by him because "He's just so cool!"

-Satan would have to make the first move, similar to in the game, and then afterwards, she'd probably go to him to bounce ideas off of for writing and for reading recommendations.

-Once Belphie is out, the three of them often hang out in the library with hot drinks just mocking and teasing Lucifer (all in good fun. Nothing too serious).

-She'd probably study with him and help him tutor some of the others.

Asmodeus:

- Gets soooooooooo flustered by his little flirtations, but thinks that he's just teasing her and not serious.

- Seriously. She turns red like a tomato and either just walks away or hides her face and squeaks. Cracks Asmo up every time.

- Other than that, she'd LOVE getting to relax and do manicures, facials, etc with him.

- They'd definitely just have days out on the town where they try cute little innovative cafes and go shopping.

- That being said, when he gets nasty and goes too far when teasing his brothers, she will not stand for it and will demand that he apologize.

Beelzebub:

-Love at first sight.

-She sees him, tall, aloof, ginger hair and these dazzling purple eyes just, he has her heart in an instant.

- She isn't subtle either. She perks up whenever he enters the room, smiles a lot when he talks to her, blushes when he gets too close, starts keeping snacks for him on her, etc

- When she finds out he plays Fangol, she'll ask him to tell her about so that she can have a better understanding of the sport and will attend some of his games. She is definitely cheering loudly in the stands.

-Too nervous to make any actual moves, and will accept just being his friend if she doesn't notice any signs of him recepricating her feelings.

If this actually interests anyone and you want to know more about B as an MC or her/my relationships with the others or any other specific questions, let me know cause this was fun!

Belphegor *Lesson 16 spoilers*:

- Is sympathetic for the situation of him being locked in the attic, but is hesitant and suspicious of him.

-The main reason she goes along with his plan, is because she knows Beel misses him and helping Belphie will be helping Beel.

-Feels like a fucking idiot after she gets killed, and will not go anywhere near him for a long time. Even once she does start letting herself be in the same room as him, she'll be civil but untrusting of him.

-Once he proves himself through genuine actions and apologies, B will start warming up to him again and slowly becomes his friend.

[bleh-bleh-blehs]

Paps and Cafes [T.H x Reader]

A/N- so hey I am back with my shitty fics. This is low-key based on my friend’s life and thanks to her for letting me write it down (only she knows what is the truth and what’s not). Anyways feel free to ignore:)

Summary- Is there any difference between being stressed at home than being stress at a cafe? Yes there is. You can put a show for others but in your case a certain someone came in for your aid. 

Warning- None 

Word Count- 1.6k

Life was not easy. Not as easy as you thought it would be. No one prepared you for the taxes, rent and bills. And literally no one told you how hard doing a job can be. Your salary was nothing compared to the hard work you did; the stress you took. 

You had no fun at all. Either you were too tired to go out and have a night out with your friends or you did extra office work for a bonus. Just like now. You are sitting in an outdoor cafe doing your office’s work when you could have been enjoying this weekend by relaxing. 

Why were you here?

Because you thought that it would be a good idea. You thought that it would refresh your mind, better than stupid small aparment. But guess what it wasn’t. 

You were still stressed. The people around were either on a date or were with their friends or family. Practically radiating good vibes. You tried not to stare at them but the task in our hand almost made you cry. 

Reaching out for the file beside the plate of donut; accidentally knocking the plate over. But you were too overwhelmed to care. Tightly clutching the file, tears of frustration evident in your eyes. It was getting too much now. 

“Come on Tess. We don't eat food off the floor. I am really sorry for your donut. Do you want me to buy you a new one?” the person asked. 

Looking up you saw a man wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap with hoodie on. You simply nodded your head in a no, wiping some tears away. “It’s okay. I don’t mind at all.” you gave a weak smile. Honestly you have lost your appetite. You just eat because it is necessary. 

“Can I ask if it was a chocolate donut? The man asked. 

“No, it was a plain one.” the man took the seat in front of you, taking off his glasses. “I know that this is none of my business but are you okay?” 

“Would you believe me if i said that I am.” 

“No. I just know that you are stressed because look at your table. All this stuff is giving me a headache so…. I think you should just wrap it up to clear your mind. And I don't wanna hear any excuse. okay? ” he didn’t press the matter further. He definitely doesn’t know what is going on in your life. All he knows is that he isn’t gonna leave you like this. 

You wanted to argue but it is not like anyone is this friendly to you on a daily basis. And a little walk wouldn’t harm. 

*

“You know what you should quit that job. I mean you don’t deserve being treated like that” tom said as he took the last bite of his ice cream. You still couldn’t believe that Tom Holland,the famous and successful actor, the heartthrob of almost all of the girls was talking to you.

He listened to you rant about your almost pathetic life and even bought you your favourite ice cream. 

You were of course shocked when you realised who he was despite him telling that he is a normal person like everyone else. He also squeezed your hand to reassure you that this is not a dream; that he is actually here. 

Both of you talked about your lives, likes and dislikes, hobbies. Only the basic stuff. You told him about your low salary job, your evil boss and your not so friendly coworkers. Your love life which was near to extinction. And about your parents who desperately wanted you to get settled.

“It’s not that easy Tom. I am looking for another job but I don’t know when I will find one. At least this job pays enough for food and shelter.” you told him or more like convinced yourself. 

Silence fell between you both until Tessa whimpered. She was obviously tired from the long walk and it was getting cold and windy as the sun started to set. “I guess this is where we part.” you said softly. Praying that this moment never ends. But of course that was not gonna happen. 

“Yeah.” he gave you a soft smile. And you were sure that you were giving the heart eyes. Making a fool of yourself as usual. 

“Oww!” 

“What? What happened?” 

“I got something in my eye.” you were hopelessly trying to get whatever the hell was in your eye out. “Wait a moment. Let me see.” Tom’s large hands cup your face while you get a hold on his arms out of instinct. 

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” it felt weird as his finger touched your eyeball. “Stop moving. You are making this harder than it already is!” you stopped fidgeting instantly. 

“There you go.” Tom backed away from you as you tried to blink away the uneasy feeling. “Let’s walk you home shall we?” Tom said as he picked very tired Tessa from the ground and carried her as if she was a toddler. 

“You don’t have to.” he just smiled. “I want to.” never in million years you thought that a top notch actor will walk you to your apartment. 

“I am sorry if I am intruding but I can’t believe you are not dating somebody and you just gave up on your friends. Is your job really worth it?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

“I am single by my choice not because of my job. My last relationship didn’t end well. She cheated on me and my “friends” took her side except my coworker Andy. I have got trust issues since then.” you explained him. 

“I am so sorry” he felt guilty to make you remember your relationship again. 

“Don’t be. I did go on a date once; the guy gave me a judgy look as soon as I told him that I am a bisexual. I mean do nice people just stop existing or what?” you huffed in annoyance. 

Meanwhile Tom was trying to process everything in his brain. He was actually starting to like you and was worried that you won’t feel the same way for him since you were into girls. But he heard word ‘bisexual’ his worries vanished. There is nothing stopping him from taking you on a date. 

Tom was smiling to himself until he heard the shutter of the camera went off. That could be only one thing. 

Paparazzi

Tom spotted two people not so far from them. Tessa tried to wiggle out of Tom’s arms but he didn’t let her. “Y/N hold my arm and keep up with my pace. The paps are here.” you immediately started to look up for them.  

“No Y/N don’t look for them!” Tom whisper yelled. 

The two of you walked as fast as you could. Taking the subway to go to your house. You and Tom stood close to each other, completely aware that someone recognised Tom and snuck some pictures of you both. 

Tessa whimpered again and again; the poor baby was too uncomfortable. You scratched her head to soothe her as she laid her head on Tom’s shoulder. While Tom was giving you heart eyes. 

You sighed in relief as you reached your apartment. The whole day has been a roller coaster ride for you. Tom and Tessa followed you behind you. Tessa quickly jumped on your couch, closing her eyes, trying to get some rest. 

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” you asked Tom. “No I am fine.” Tom said as he took a seat beside Tessa. 

“I didn’t really get to enjoy that cafe though.” Tom wondered out loud. “Don’t worry, there many more cafes in the neighbourhood. You can visit them sometime.” You were walking around your apartment, trying to clean it as much as you could. It’s not like you are visited by a celebrity daily. 

“I don’t know, maybe you can show me around sometime?” you freezed at your spot. Was Tom Holland asking you on a date. You were freaking out. You are just imagining things right? 

“Do you agree with me, darling?” he smirked. How dare him to say that! “It’s alright if you don’t. I mean I totally understand if you don’t want to. I am so sorry because of the paps. I didn’t know that they would find us. I am so sorry Y/N.” he started to ramble. Becoming that adorable sweet bean instantly.

“Oh my god Tom it’s alright. Not the Paparazzi part but I am grateful that Tessa ate my donut and that relieved my stress. I really needed someone like you. I don’t know what we can do about paps, they will just give more stress. But I felt better when you were with me.” Tom gave you that million dollar smile that everybody dies on. 

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now.” he confessed. 

“What’s stopping you then.” 

“No, not before I take you on an actual date.” he grinded. “Which cafe do you want to show me first, Donut?” 

“Donut?” you asked him while trying to control your laugh. “Yes donut. What’s so wrong with donut. It’s my nickname for you.” your smile became more wide than before. 

“Then what do you want me to call you? Ice cream?” 

“Yes?” he gave you a puzzled look. Not sure if he wanted to be called ‘ice cream’. And a thought came to your mind. “You don’t have any problem with me being bisexual?” you asked him. “Why would I? I mean it's not my place to judge or have a problem with it, now is it?” you smiled at his answer, already falling hard for this man.

page divider by @fancyxparker​

Tagging:- @fancyxparker @musicalkeys @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @peterspideysstuff @hollanderfangirl @parkerpeter24 @parker-hollandx @captainchrisstan @whatthefuckimbisexual @liestookmyvibes @rnatasha @seutarose @adriannajackson @ethereal-beauty-p @calltothewild @parkers-gal @azaraspirit @fallinfortom @beverlyparkerr @tommysparker @veronica011sblog @canwekissforever-haz

(I have tagged some mutuals. I am sorry if you didn't wanted to be tagged.)

Send an ask to be on my taglist.

[kneamet]

Angel of cards (6/16)

Trigger Warning: yandere, obsession, obsessive thoughts, kidnapping.

Summary: Joker, Mr. J, anarchist psychopath, Tom Hiddleston. He had many nicknames. Joker was Gotham’s most dangerous and insightful man, with sharp makeup and horribly memorable scars on his face in the form of a smile. He was absolutely crazy and deadly. No one knows his real identity and everyone is afraid of his cruel jokes. But what happens when he becomes obsessed with an ordinary girl?

She belongs to him. No one can take her away from him. Even The Batman.

Chapter six: unpleasant actions

The Joker didn't particularly like the fact that his angel didn't even participate in his actions and their pleasures. Didn't she enjoy their first reunion? Wasn't she as happy about it as he was?

He was just giving her pleasure. And the Joker was pretty sure she was happy about it, too. As if she wasn't flattered by the idea of becoming one with him.

He knew that his angel was a virgin, and so was he. He was sure that she had deliberately kept her virginity for him, just as he had kept it for her. That would be a perfectly logical and understandable explanation.

The Joker had always wanted to enjoy those moments of their first touch. He had always felt that this was why they had such a strong bond.

The man, his fingers clenched on the sink until they were red, slowly, leaning on trembling hands, climbed to the square mirror against the wall. He pressed his lips into a thin line and looked closer at his image. He didn't particularly like the way he looked without makeup. It was as if his bad self was being removed by removing his makeup.

His hair, still green, no longer curled. He was not used to looking at himself in the mirror without makeup. He felt like a freak. Thin compressed lips, very stylishly bitten from teeth with stripped red skin. Those terrible scars marring his face. The only things Joker liked about his appearance were the purple suits he wore day after day and the blue ones with grayish and green hues.

But even though he didn't accept himself, he was sure that his angel loved him and would even be able to accept his appearance so much that she would like his bitten lips and scars, which sometimes still showed blood from their constant scratching. He kept touching them.

His angel. Oh, how he wanted them to make love again. The Joker didn't think it was rape. On the contrary, it seemed to him that this was how they expressed love. And what's the big deal about her resisting a little?

However, Tom didn't particularly like what the Joker was doing to Blake. Yes, the Joker was his personality, getting along with it, but what to consider a real rape-

The Joker shook his head quickly. What the fuck is this cute romantic waking up in his mind again. He chased him away, literally locked him in a dungeon.

Tom will not be able to break through and harm (release! shouted Tom in the back of his mind) to his angel. They can't get along. She is now only his and the Joker will not let anyone take his angel.

He sighed and stood up straight, reaching for the powder and paint with quick movements and shaking hands. White powder and white paint combined perfectly and it became very easy to wash them off.

The Joker began to act sloppily with paint, not even worrying about well-being. He didn't have to worry about anything that day, since he needed to visit his angel right now, and he was sure that she would stay with him for the whole day and no one would be able to stop them.

After finishing his makeup, the Joker put everything in the pockets of his coat. In the building in which he, with some of his assistants, began to live, it was quite cold. Although for his angel, he definitely gave the warmest place.

The Joker quickly left the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen with quick, basic movements. The kitchen was small. The man hadn't been here yet, but he immediately noticed the interior of the room, which had a colorful tile floor. On the walls are pasted wallpaper, painted even in some places.

The kitchen was not very well furnished. By the window is a small dining table, where one of his very close subordinates was sitting. Not that he was attached to him, but he was definitely smart. The Joker had a bad memory for names, but he knew the man's name very well. Robert Hill. He was not a particularly handsome man: dark-haired, with black eyes and a very thin build. However, the Joker only encouraged intelligence, strength, and courage. He noticed that Bob was smoking a Stutton. The man grimaced slightly. He just hated those cigarettes.

The Joker wasn't particularly interested in Robert right now. He was more concerned about his angel, who was probably hungry and begging for food.

To the left of the countertop is a kitchen stove with four gas burners and an oven hidden behind a glass door made of dark striped glass. On the right is a large bright white two-chamber refrigerator, on the doors of which a whole collection of magnets with landscapes is pasted.

Joker wanted to make them sandwiches. It was the lightest meal, and given that it was early, it was possible to take a light breakfast. Quickly slicing the bread and sending it to the toaster, which he did not know how to use, he continued to cut the food.

After a few seconds, the bread jumped out of the toaster and the Joker carefully put all the ingredients in it. I had to do two such operations.

Joker ate and slept very rarely, but for the sake of his angel, it was fashionable to sacrifice the usual daily routine and eat.

Quickly, like a hyena, he picked up the tray with a trembling hand, on which he had already placed plates and mugs of water, and ran lightly, like a tribute, to the door of his angel. It's their first dinner. It will be so wonderful! Their first meal together!

Joker quickly opened the door, holding the tray with one hand and closing it with the other. His angel had to be protected. And letting it out would be a rash decision.

The man put the tray on a small table that stood near her closet, opposite the door, quickly distracted from it. He turned back, looking for his angel.

He licked his lips when he saw her curled up in a ball. He saw her flanks move quickly and he heard a soft whimper. His eyes opened quickly and he ran to her with quick movements, hugging her.

"W-what?" his angel whispered softly, and he saw her look up at him with her lovely brown eyes. He could feel the bewilderment in them at first, but then it turned into fright and she tried to pull away again, which the Joker didn't allow, only tightening his arms and leading her to the table where the tray was. "What is it?"

The man saw the bewilderment in his angel's eyes, but he just put everything in its place, and he sat down at the table on an uncomfortable chair that was smaller than him.

Joker could see that the girl looked confused and afraid. He reached out to her with his hand and stroked her hand that didn't even resist his. With his gloved hands, he slowly rubbed the delicate hand of his angel. Ah, the Joker stifled a groan, she's amazing.

"Is he poisoned?" pulling his hand out of the Joker's grip, his angel asked, lowering his hand to his knees, continuing to hold the Joker's heavy and intense gaze.

He didn't particularly like the way she was dismissive of him. He didn't like it, but he wanted to calm her down. To say that everything is fine and he would not poison the food.

"Don't worry, my angel, death by poison is very boring, and I have no desire to kill you. I swear I love you with all my heart, " the Joker said, letting out a small chuckle.

He watched as his angel nodded, picked up the sandwich, and took a small bite. He licked his lips as he watched her eat. He eats slowly, gracefully, biting off small pieces, lowering his eyes down and striking with his submissiveness.

The Joker himself didn't eat anything. He wasn't interested in food, especially now that he had such a rare and lovely diamond in front of him. So beautiful.

He could see her wiping food crumbs from her mouth with the sleeve of her sweater and then shaking out her sleeves. His angel looked up at him with her beautiful brown eyes and said softly:

"What time is it now?" she looked down, apparently unable to look at the Joker, which he didn't particularly like. She must look at him! And give your precious attention only to him! His angel should be interested in nothing but him.

"11:11," Joker muttered automatically, watching intently as his angel got up from his chair and shook out his pants. Without even tasting his breakfast, he stood behind her, towering over his helpless angel in a way that wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Thank you for breakfast, Mr. Joker," his angel muttered, not really bothered by the Joker. After all, her beautiful and melodious voice was simply amazing, however, like herself. Her lovely lips continued to say something else, but he did not betray it.

Tom leaned into Blake and pulled her into a gentle and attentive kiss. He didn't bite her lips. Tom's kiss was soft and simple.

[c0co-cos]

Blue's Highest Rank

I felt horrible because I wrote someone else a story, but I didn't write @nozapuns-nsfw a story. So i'd like to award this Fan Fic to them. I absolutely love their artwork, and I hope they continue to work of their 'Fractured comic'

I love how listening to a song can completely change my idea for this story. It was first gonna be a full story and all, but throughout downloading music on my phone for a trip im taking, I found a gem.

The gem was "Oh Cruel Darkness, Embrace Me" by IAMX

So basically that's the song you should listen to while reading this.

Summary: Blue Berry was the best of the best. He was quickly going up the ranks to become part of the Royal Guard. That changed when Blue was introduced to Alphys and Undyne.

Tags:

Chapter 1: Oh Cruel Darkness, Embrace Me

Blue Berry was quickly working up the ranks. He started on the lowest of the low. Then he met Alphys, and thank lord he did. He was training with her, Every. Single. Day. He didn't really have any prior interactions with Alphys, but out of luck, they bonded quickly and things got straight to the point.

He had liked his time spent with Alphys, there was never a dull moment, Also he never knew what he was going to do during training. It always changed. It went to dodging attacks one day, to making Tacos in her kitchen the next. There was always something new to learn.

Blue wasn't sure when he met Undyne, but he knew Papyrus was friends with her. Papyrus didn't really get out the house much to hang out with anyone. Only time he went out was when he planned to get black out drunk at Muffets, but other than that, he found Papyrus going to Undyne's lab at random times during the night. He must have had a good reason to get up and go though. It wouldn't have been for nothing.

To Blues surprise, Papyrus actually knew Alphys. They had been friends before Undyne met Alphys. It always amazed Blue how almost everyone knew everyone in the underground.

Id it wasn't for Papyrus, he wouldn't know half the people he knows now. Papyrus was amazing. If it wasnt for him, Blue wouldn't have a room to sleep in nor have supplies to make food, even though Papyrus was mostly a lazy bum, he was Blue's lazy bum brother.

"Hey Alphys! Im here for today's training!" Blue couldn't wait for today's training, Alphys had something new in store, and laster on, Papy was going to come over and view their hard work.

Alphys jumped at the sudden loud voice coming outside her house. She had invited Blue earlier than usual, it wasn't something new shes done, but today she had a reason, and pulling it off wasn't going to be easy.

"Woah Blue, you scared me! Come on in, I gotta prepare the rest of the supplies."

Blue had already let himself in with the Key she leaves under the door mat.

"Wow Alphys, this place looks better and better each time we cook! With that being said, what are we making today? More tacos?"

"No, something better. Lets look at the menu."

Blue grabbed the piece of paper with the big letters on it spelling out 'MENU'. It had also been something Alphys did to tease Blue right before they started cooking. It was always Tacos, but he kept up the running gag, just for the giggles of it.

He unfolded it, revealing what they were going to make today. He eyes shrunk with fear.

"Today were making you.... Alphys this isnt funny you know!"

He saw Alphys out of the corner of his eye, he could see bright yellow magic coming off from her magically formed weapon. She loved using an axe. He quickly moved out the way, also using his bone attack to dodge it. He moved just in time, any second later, he would have been dust.

"Ha, nice Blue! You're getting better and quicker with each attack I throw your way. Sorry about my lil joke there, had to do something to get you distracted."

Blue's heart was pounding out of his chest. He knew at one point furing todays training, this would happen. Alphys said she does this to make him become aware of his surrounding at all times, but it still scared him shitless. Alphys could tell that Blue was very shook.

"Oh gosh, im sorry Blue. I should have done it while we were actually cooking. I won't do it again, I swear, just sit down at the table and ill make you some tea."

Blue dis just that. It was great to know Alphys didn't mean any harm, she never does. It was just a small scare, nothing else right?

"Here your tea Blue, again im sorry I did that. I wrote it for the fuck of it, then the idea came to mind where i can do the daily 'scare blue' skit, but it back fired. I truly am sorry Blue."

"No worries Alph. I know its a joke, I just need to stop being a big cry baby about it. Also thanks for the tea. But it's um.. Kinda sweeter than usual. What happened to 'my soul is black so my coffee and tea have to be the same'?"

"Oh actually its a different type of tea. Undyne gave it to me to try, and right now i can try it. But Blue, lets actually talk about the Guard. You kno--"

Blue couldn't think straight. He felt as if his whole world was spinning. He didn't like it, not one bit. Was it because of how scared he got earlier? Was he having a panic attack? He wouldn't know. He never had one before.

"Hey Alph. Im sorry but i think I got to cut th-this short. Sorry, it was uhh fun?" Blue was breaking a sweat by now. Maybe he was actually having a panic attack? Also what would he do about ? Papyrus wasn't home yet, and the way he was feeling, he wasn't getting home like this.

Blue looked up at Alphys. Her straight face had been completely gone, covered with a huge grin, starting from one side of her face to the other side. Blue was expecting her to look more freaked out like she had been when she had accidentally hurt him during training, but she stood absolutely still, giving Blue a horrid feeling.

"Oh please blue, what's wrong? Here, if you insist on leaving, let me carry you out the door." she said while walking towards his area. Blue was too freaked out by her fake response. It had seemed practiced, meaning she knew something he didn't.

Blue hesitated, backing away slowly from her, before bolting to the door. Even with how he was feeling, he could sense the danger. He didn't even make it anywhere close to the door, falling down after taking a couple of steps towards the direction. He couldn't move, and felt horribly tired.

For good measures, Alphys pinned him to the floor, magical axes surrounding him and the exit, if he planned to leave.

"Alphys? Why? What and why are you d-doing this? I'm sc-scared. Please, if I did anything to hurt you, l-l-let me know. I'll fix it just plea--" Blue had been cut off after he felt Alphys step on his ribcage. It hurt like hell, but he could take it.

"Honestly Sans, I'm sick and tired of you. Im doing this for myself, im just the message man at the point. But other than that, I can't stand you. Did you really think you, out of ALL monsters in the underground, you would be the same rank as me? There are kids, younger than you who have an actual chance of being in the Royal Guard. Sorry blue, you wont get the rank you want. But hopefully, this rank suits you and your lazy ass brother."

By this time, Blue had been trying to pull her leg off his ribcage. She was close to breaking it, and he would rather have a ribcage than none at all.

"OKAY OKAY OKAY G-GET YOUR LEG OFF!" Blue was struggling at this point. She was going to break it. He didn't want to die by getting stepped on, he was going to die in battle protecting everyone in the underground.

Alphys showed mercy, slowly lifting her leg off of his ribcage.

"This is how it's going to work okay Blue? I'm going to knock you out, don't worry, the most that would happen is you get a bruise, and I'll call Papy. You'll find everything out later. Goodnight Blue! Don't let the bed bugs bit."

Alphys couldn't really be doing this... It was a dream. He had to be. She would never harm him. At this point, hopefully Alphys knocking him out will cause him to wake up from this Nightmare.

Alphys came up to Blue, fist closed, ready to come in contact with his skull. It wasn't long before Blue actually knocked out.

Lucky for Alphys, the tea did most of the work, all she had to do was get him asleep. All she had to do now was call Papyrus and get him to teleport over to Undyne's lab.

Talking to people over the phone wasn't the easiest thing to do for her, but hey. She lied to Blue for most of tome they've known each other, so it shouldn't be harder over the phone.

"Pa-Papyrus? Oh thank god! Please come over quick! Its ! H-He fell and hit his head on the table! Come quick!"

Lucky for her, She didn't really have to give much detail regarding where she lived. Sometimes Papyrus would walk Blue home after practice, so he knew the way here. In seconds, a 'pop' noise came from inside her restroom.

"where is blue? oh my gosh... what happened?"

"I- I don't know! We were about to make Tacos, and he fell! Please take us to Undyne's lab, Im certain she knows what to do! S-she'll help!"

Papyrus didn't even have to think twice, he picked blue from off the floor, and teleported right into the lab.

Undyne was no where to been seen, and as the looks of it, so was Alphys. That's strange. Alphys was right next to him as he teleported.

"UNDYNE. NOW." Papyrus heard Alphys scream.He couldn't even turn his head before he passed out from whatever they did to him.

Him and blue were up for it when they woke up.

The story is also on my AO3, at @/sintaley if you would like to read it there :)

[the-firebird69]

I certainly a very large things happening it's disturbing to hear him say is it like something big but I understand this point of view he doesn't really see the thing and the numbers sound weird to him and I've been doing that to him for months this is happening now this is happening and nothing he knows something's happening but

I'm getting something we're not acting rational either or night season even just demanding stuff think of something I'm starting to bother him he says it's most of these people's fault but we're not being thoughtful of me himself is saying it's true too you sitting there alone sweating nobody in his future he's trying to help his wife out I told him no we're doing this I didn't tell you some pictures know about this big news you don't need to get these freaking numbers it sounds so weird I certainly get something it's kind of weird here too people are very mean and gross too him and what's the difference between a bajillion and bajillion but still I'm trying to sympathize and don't get it he's alone in prison and I'm asking to do some news announcements with numbers and things that don't sound kosher you left they lost a billion to Jillian what the hell is that mean it's also stupid. He has no money he's depending on them for money this is pitiful it's a month of life or two then he loses his place I mean this is stupid we're not helping him at all we're not doing a f****** thing. Just tell him oh I'm sorry you have to take over all of GM first oh now it's for now space industries before you get a dime

I've had it this is so stupid as soon as it doesn't work the old man makes it seem like he owes him something and he doesn't he knows what he's up to and he won't spend enough money to get the f****** thing that work it's awful I've been through so much and I have absolutely nothing these people are such f****** morons it's so dumb I should like this take a dollar in the wind the f*** are you saying now or who the f*** cares s*** who really cares why don't you say this of any kind you know nobody cares who wants to live with you people nobody cares about anyone about anything what a dog s*** f****** life this also nobody who cares about anyone here this is not a life okay it's asking for simple stuff and we won't get it to him cuz we don't know the results they get something to him and you know the results...

I'm telling you he wants to have some income other than social security we're not going to take over the government and leaving him such a state of limbo everything is limbo down here everything I don't even know if my food will work if I'm eating it he says

I didn't tell you something else I don't think any of these people responsible adults in any way they don't mean as hell the one around like animals the daily schedule doesn't make any sense at all this place is gross it's full of methane and stinks like s***

Thor Freya

It's kind of blows too I'm not giving him news that works his stuff kicks ass and we're telling him 16 cuz your billion fluffy Jillian and we did it for months and people can't stand it we look like idiots I want out of this we keep on doing things that are wrong he must he does it right. Now I'm saying something this is ridiculous I'm tired of this he's stuck in a s******* in the middle of nowhere with someone who is in trouble with Max who's a Mac and that's it with a dead man and a freaking completely dead man. Ironically we got him here and that's how but this is dog s*** okay and these people drive around all day in circles there's something wrong with them they're mentally completely nuts he told me there's something wrong I don't understand what they're doing driving around circles and some sort of strange mantra I get it too they're all hateful of him he deserves to get them out of here to figure out what they're doing and stop telling him what to do when it's like well you know it's a cajillion more we have this many and this many of here and this very and this you sound horrible

Frank Castle Hardcastle

Starting to hear something I sound horrible because I'm saying to false and no kidding who wouldn't there's a lot of warlock dying and there's no way to really put it without telling them what's going on he says you have to tell them what's going on a little because they told him no? And I admit they will know and do know somehow what's going on they talked to each other and it's relatively close to what it is so I don't know why I'm doing this jibber jabber since the majority of them don't know what time of day I guess or I figured out something maybe it has some effect s probably it's a higher up snow but lots of them don't that's true too the truthfully this is a horrible situation.

Thor Freya

[hugee0715]

"I'll look back on this and smile because it was life and I decided to live it."

I read that quote on the wall of a trampoline park while standing next to the restroom, totally covered in sweat. I was waiting for my girlfriend to finish after our 1 hour of jumping around ended.

I was standing there, waiting for her. My girlfriend. The girl I mentioned so many times. I was there with her. In Manila.

On the 10th of April I went to the airport for the first time in my life. I had a ticket and a passport in one hand, a suitcase handle in the other. My brother wasn't believing that I was doing this. The sister he used to have would never do this. For fucks sake, she wouldn't even travel 2 hours to spend a weekend at his place for years.

But now, I was going on a 22 hour trip. 12k kilometers, spending 3 weeks in a place I knew almost nothing about.

10 hours later I was in Beijing. I went through all the checkings and I still had about 7 hours of waiting for my next flight. So I went to an information desk to get access to the wifi. I got a code, I logged in, it was all going very smoothly up until I opened Messenger and nothing happened. I guess all my excitement made me forget that I will be in China for 7 hours, where all kinds of social media that I am using in my everyday life is blocked. So I wasn't prepared and I couldn't do anything. No Facebook, no Instagram, not even Chrome and of course the app store wasn't working either. I managed to send out a few quick emails saying that I am safe and sound, but after a few minutes my gmail wasn't working either. I found myself completely cut off.

I tried not to worry, hoping that everyone would just go with everything as planned even though they haven't really heard from me ever since I boarded in Hungary.

So at 8pm local time I got on my flight to Manila, starting to hear more and more people talk in tagalog around me.

1 am came around and we landed. Stepping out, I felt hot and humid air suddenly hitting me, which compared to the cold and dry air of the plane was a bit shocking, especially because I was still wearing two jumpers and jeans.

I walked down the long, carpeted isles, pulling my little carry on case after me, holding the immigration paper I got on the plane tightly. I already filled it out and soon I was standing in a line, waiting for my passport to be stamped. I was prepared to be asked the usual "What's the purpose of your trip?" question, but the guy really did not stop there. He had tons of follow up questions, about who am I visiting, why, where did I meet them, where am I staying, where I'll be going. But in the end, I got my first stamp in my passport and I was one baggage collecting away from leaving the airport.

I made my way out, with my love on the phone, trying to figure out where I needed to go. My heart was beating fast, I was sweaty, struggling with the two suitcases and the phone. She was full of nervs as well, I could hear it in her voice. It was her mum who I spotted first, she was frantically waving at me from the upper level. I stopped, I was scanning around trying to spot her, she was saying she can see me, but even though I was looking, I didn't really see anything around me. It was all just noise and movement, nothing recognizable. When she was only a few meters away, that's why I laid my eyes on her for the first time. Phone against her ear, a big smile. The black turtle neck I love with jeans. It felt so surreal, I didn't even have the opportunity to freak out. I ended the call and waited till she came closer, her mum arriving shortly as well. There wasn't any of the dramatic things you see on the internet. No running and collapsing in each other's arms. To be honest that seems too cliché. As much as I knew this person better than anyone else, it was still the first time we were physically in the same place.

We went to the car where I met the rest of the family, her dad, brother and sister. I was stunned, speechless at first. I saw them so many times, I heard so many stories and now it was reality.

I sat next to the window on the left side, she was in the middle. Our shoulders were touching. I intentionally moved even closer, I wanted to feel as much of her as possible. The warmth, her smell. Driving through dark streets I never thought I'd see. I looked down and her hand was extended, her palm facing up, waiting for mine to grab it. I took it and soon her fingers wrapped tightly around it. A scene at the airport with running and crying and screaming? No, thank you. This was the best welcome I could ever imagine. So much better than any of that could have been.

Days went by fast after that. Soon her graduation came, on the 16th of April. On the day that marked us being together for a year and a half. We went to the Philippine Arena, the biggest indoor one in the world apparently, but you need that when close to 3000 students are graduating. It was long so so long, but seeing her in her toga, with the make up I put on her earlier made me too proud to notice that I was tired untill it ended at around 11 at night. We stopped to eat at a Jollibee again and then I fell asleep on her shoulder on the way home.

Our days together were full of comfort. No feeling of anxiety, no feeling of having to be a certain way. It was natural, we clicked like nothing else. We had our unspoken roles, working together, managing daily tasks. We cooked, cleaned, did our grocery. We were responsible for ourselves. And we loved every second of it.

I also learned many new things about her. She's taller than she claims for example. And also a lot more thoughtful than she ever made herself seem. The little acts of giving me a glass of water whenever she drinks or leaving me mouthwash in the cup after she used it. Getting me just the right amount of food on my plate and always knowing what to get me at places so I would like them. Waiting for me to get ready and helping me choose clothes. Being concerned about me getting burnt. Maybe half of those things are involuntary, but I don't mind that. It might even make it a little better.

She's the reason I never got scared for a single moment while I was there, no matter what places we went to, how late or crowded it was. I got to experience life like a local, all the filipinos might have been looking at me and seeing a tourist, a foreigner, but I wasn't feeling like one. It was home and now I feel homesick for a city I spent 3 weeks in. Coming back to Budapest was devastating, I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way about it. I used to think it's the best city, my happy place and now? It feels foreign. Like it was never really my home.

On the day I left my brother said that he's going to get a completely different sister back after the trip. I shrugged him off, but he was right. There's nothing I feel the same way about. Especially Ileana, my love for her changed tremendously. I used to be in love with the idea of what we would be like. I remember that almost a year ago, on April 16, 2018, I made her a video as a gift for us being together for half a year. I remember talking about how lucky I am in it. Lucky, because I'll get to fall in love with her twice. And I was right, I did fall in love with her once again. The core parts of her were there, her voice, her mind, her ideas and the amazing conversations. But they all got upgraded. They all showed how there's so much more to her than what a video call can show. The angles I've never seen before, all the habits that she has. And it swept my feet right out of under me.

Malls, lemonade, Inasal, basketball, rice, nuggets, AC, sunburn, late night car rides, flamingos, donuts, happiness. Those words will forever be connected to our days in Tandang Sora. Or at least till we can be together again. Because our relationship is not about being on the phone anymore, that's not us. Us is when we are together. And we'll be together again soon, I promise.

"I'll look back on this and smile because it was life and I decided to live it."

That quote from that bathroom still crosses my head multiple times a day. I decided to live when I met Ileana. I decided to live when I realized that I'll have to do things in order to keep her. I decided to live when I left on this trip.

This is life. And I'll keep deciding to live it.

[askemilydeanyo]

I don't get turned on anymore. I haven't in a few months. I am 21 female, I do smoke alot of pot which I heard doesn't help. I can't figure out why Im like this? Is it possible my past relations made me this way? My last significant other was like this they were not really into sex and they didn't make me feel very wanted in that aspect.

Hi! Thanks for your question. There are certainly a handful of things that could be causing this.

To start, yes, smoking pot doesn’t always help. Like any one (or combination of) drug(s) affects people differently, marijuana is no exception. For the bulk majority of my pot-smoking career I would experience intense euphoria after smoking and my sex drive would spike drastically. I loved having sex with myself and with partners and was so fully engaged and intertwined in the experience that I considered this to be some of the most sensual sex I ever had in my life. After going some time without smoking and then picking it back up again, I found that smoking caused my sex drive to dramatically decrease. I was no longer sexually interested in my partner while high, less interested in my partner while sober, and found that when I was high I became incredibly self conscious. It was an extreme contrast from the experiences I had in the past, which left me feeling pretty jolted for a while. Crazy how things change, huh.

On the topic of pot, I am curious if there are any other drugs that you are taking. SSRI’s have been proven to drastically effect sex drive, as well as medicine for epilepsy, ADHD, blood pressure, anti-psychotics, pain management, AND birth control. 

So the first thing I want you to consider is if you are taking any of those drugs, and how often. If you are, I would suggest contacting your doctor, setting up an appointment, and addressing your concerns. Most health professionals acknowledge that libido is a vital part of our lives, and will make accommodations accordingly. If they don’t, you might need a new doctor. *

Another thing to consider is what birth control you are or are not on. If you are taking hormonal birth control, like oral contraceptives or a hormonal IUD, they can and often do effect your sex drive by lowering your testosterone levels. If you are on a hormonal birth control, go to your doctor or gynecologist and have a discussion about potential other options. I know that the copper IUD and condoms are two solid options! It’s all about finding what works for you.

* If you are in Louisville, Kentucky, message me again and I can connect you with my lady doctors. They are seriously a dream team and are some of the most helpful and understanding women I have ever encountered in my life.

Something I also seriously consider would be doing a full blood scan. These can typically be done through your primary doctor or gynecologist office. For perspective: I was on one birth control for 7 years that I felt worked just fine with my body. Suddenly, my prescription changed to a generic brand and my body reacted terribly. I became depressed, my skin, body changed, and sex drive changed (negatively) amongst many other things. It was so bad that I actually thought I had developed bi-polar disorder. When I mentioned this to my doctor she suggested that we look at my blood levels. These tests revealed a huge spike in my estrogen that was caused by my ‘new’ birth control. Needless to say, after switching methods I successfully confirmed that I am indeed not bi-polar, and realized the huge role that synthetic hormones have on my body.

Doing a blood-screen will also give you good insight into your overall health, which plays a massive role in your sex drive - which leads me to my next point, being your diet and activity level. Do you have a balanced diet? How often are you exercising? What are your hobbies? I could go on and on, but what I’m getting at is how generally healthy are you? If you find that you spend a lot of time sedentary, or eating high-fat, high-sugar, high-carb food, this could play a huge role in the decline in your libido. 

To address your last concern, totally, it is definitely possible that your past relationships have affected the way you view sexuality. When humans spend large amounts of time with people it’s easy to become accustomed to their ways. We start to use the same lingo, share the same beliefs, shop at the same places - the list goes on. If you are in a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t openly or frequently express their sexual desires to you, it makes sense that this is what you became accustomed to. However, that being said, it should not have a substantial overall effect on your sex drive as a whole. What about solo sex?

Are you masturbating? If so how frequently or infrequently? Do you ever look at other people and become sexually aroused? Do you have sexual fantasies? Did you used to have a more vibrant sexual past and it just recently became dull within the past few months, or did you feel a gradual decline for a while? There are a lot of things to consider, and it is important to assess whether you are not feeling turned on towards others or turned on in general. How much sexual attention are you giving to your own body?

Additionally, there are plenty of life factors that come into play. You mentioned that you smoke weed. You mentioned that your last relationship wasn’t exceptionally sexual. Have you recently started a new job? Are you overwhelmed with school? Did you recently move? Are you having a tough time in a friendship? Are you happy with the way you look? Are you living in a new environment? Sometimes these things take the forefront of our attention and sex becomes less important. This is just part of the ebb and flow of life. Sure, in a dream world we are all balancing school and work and a social life and our sexuality equally and proficiently, but that just can’t always be the case, so the less important things take the back seat. Consider what other external factors might be occurring here and you will probably gain a bit of insight.

So here is your homework in a nutshell: Figure out if any potential medicine you are taking is effecting you. Consider testing your blood levels. Incorporate more activity into your daily life as well as nutrient-dense meals. Make sure you are sleeping enough. Make sure you are practicing self love so that you feel sexually attractive to yourself, as well as potential partners. Explore fantasies that you have perhaps left in the background of your brain and see if these elicit exciting sexual feelings. Watch some porn if you watch porn. Read some books on sex if you like to read. Talk to friends, see if they have been in a similar funk. Google some stuff. Read some forums. Consider seeing a sex therapist if these feelings don’t subside. Try to set aside time to masturbate, even if you aren’t necessarily in the mood. Try to reconnect with your body in a way that you might have in the past. But most importantly, delve into all the facets in your life and see if there is any one thing you can pinpoint, and if you find it, tweak it. You know what’s going on inside of you better than anyone else.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to have a high sex drive for the time being. Some people just don’t - and if you don’t now, that’s not to say you won’t for long. Like I said, it ebbs and flows. I am a self-identified sex freak and there are times where I go weeks, even months without having sex. It always comes back. Tap into yourself and find what works for your body, your mentality, and your emotional-mental-sexual self. You’ll find the answer there.

Xx