#That's how I usually explain it to Allos myself honestly

[s0akie]

Honestly? I really love how TMA handled Jon's asexuality.

Asexuality is complex and multi-layered. To understand it fully is to understand the many different types of attraction there is out there, and how to differentiate them from one another. Which is already a complicated enough task when you're ace/aro spec- But even more so when you're Allo, as most of those attractions seem to just morph together.

So, of course Melanie (and potentially Georgie) would phrase it as "He just doesn't."

While I would not have minded for asexuality to be name dropped, this is just as good- if not better. It feels in character, it feels realistic. It tells us something about the characters themselves and how they view and understand Jon's sexuality. That they see it in its most bare bone sense : not having sex.

Whether or not Jon is aware of his own sexuality is entirely up to interpretation as well. While I do have my own personal headcanons, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that he could have phrased it this way himself- Either because that is how he understands it, or just because it is the easiest way to explain it to someone who isn't ace.

All in all! In my opinion, this was really well handled, especially considering it is like, five lines of dialogue in a 200 episodes long Horror/Tragedy podcast.

[lacrimosathedark]

Asexuality Basics (because some of yall don't know and I wanna help!)

Hi! Happy Pride Month!

I'm demirose (I think? Shit's confusing) and I've found myself explaining asexuality a LOT recently. So, I had the thought of making a post about common misconceptions.

And if you have any questions, feel free to ask! I know not everyone likes to be interrogated about their sexuality, but this is me opening that door. I like educating people and hope to build more understanding in the community!

That said, do know that if you ask a question I don't want to answer, I won't.

Misconception 1: You can't be asexual if you have sex

Asexuality, like every other sexuality, isn't connected to actions or bodily functions. It's all about how you feel.

Plenty of gay people have ended up in straight relationships and having families. That doesn't make them not gay.

Bisexual people having a same sex partner doesn't mean they are no longer attracted to other sexes/genders.

Asexuality is the same. All it means is there is an absence of attraction.

Misconception 2: Asexual people are all sex-repulsed

Demonstrably untrue if you talk to an asexual person for a few minutes. I've known some asexual people to be some of the raunchiest people ever.

I, personally, as someone with mild sex-repulsion, was interested in sex from a scientific standpoint and wanted to learn all about it and why people are so fixated on it. I just wasn't personally interested in another person.

Everyone has different limits, and that's not dictated by our sexuality.

Sex repulsion isn't exclusive to aces either--allos(the spectrum of "normal"/not-asexual attraction) can also experience sex repulsion.

Easy examples of sex-repulsed allos includes people who are "prudish" usually because of how they were raised, people who might be squeamish to the idea of body fluids, people who are generally touch-averse, people who choose to be celibate, and some people with sexual trauma. All of this and more can cause anyone to choose not to seek out sex, but still be attracted to people.

Misconception 3: Asexual people have no/low libidos

Like every other sexuality, your interest in others is not connected to your sex drive. Your body can still want something while you aren't attracted to another person.

And there are plenty of allo people with very low sex drives. That doesn't make them asexual either.

Libido is a normal bodily function that everyone experiences differently and often fluctuates with your hormones. And unlike sexuality, it can be effected by medications that effect your hormones.

Misconception 4: Asexual people don't like relationships

This usually comes from conflating asexuality with aromanticism.

While usually romantic and sexual attraction are one and the same, (like you would assume someone homosexual is also homoromantic) when it comes to aces and aros, they're very separate.

Asexual people just, usually, don't look for sex in a relationship. But can still experience romantic feelings and desire romantic companionship.

Aromantic people on the other hand can experience sexual attraction, but don't experience romantic attraction.

And even then, they can still want that companionship akin to a committed romantic relationship. This is often a queerplatonic relationship, which is a committed relationship based on platonic feelings. Kind of like literalizing the concept of marrying your best friend.

A lot of the community are aroace, but plenty of aces identify as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, etc.. Much the same way, aros can be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc..

Misconception 5: Asexual people don't have sex

This is a big one. Which I find odd because attraction isn't the only reason allos have sex either!

So, as stated above, aces can still have a sex drive without attraction and can seek out sex to scratch that itch so to speak.

There's also the very obvious, to procreate. You can be asexual and want a family. And honestly, in-vitro sounds expensive and like a huge hassle, so why not avoid that if you can?

There's also wanting to experience physical and emotional intimacy with a partner! This is the big one for me; my own sex-repulsion will greatly lessen if I think about it as intimacy rather than like...gross body fluid stuff. It's a way to be as physically close to someone as you can, and vulnerability and communication are important for sex, which spurs emotional intimacy.

You could do it to please a partner. Which can easily be unhealthy ie. allowing someone to "use" you against your unspoken will. But it can also be a genuine expression of affection. If you are neutral or positive towards sex and have maybe a romantic partner who is sexually attracted to you, it can be just another way to show you care, just like cuddles and kisses and stuff.

And I might be not thinking of other reasons, but anyone can have a million reasons why they do anything! It's the same here.

Misconception 6: Asexual and Allosexual are clearly divided black and white

Nope! Like pretty much everything nowadays, specially sexuality, it's a spectrum! Or should I say a gradient in this case?

Look, there's even grey on our flag!

Asexual is an umbrella term, and there are plenty of sub-categories, but there are two big ones!

Greysexual is basically experiencing sexual attraction is like seeing a unicorn. It's not impossible, but it is shockingly rare. And there's lots of levels to that too! Someone could consider themselves greyace just because they experience attraction less frequently than their person. And that's okay!

The other big one is demisexual (that's me!), which means an emotional connection needs to be established before sexual attraction can occur. I've found this leads to lots of fictional crushes and few real people crushes, and those real people crushes being on people I admire or are friends with. It might come off as being picky or cautious, but there is genuinely no attraction before that emotional connection.

Those are the big things off the top of my head! Think of any more or have any questions, feel free to says so!

Happy Pride!!!

[aroaceconfessions]

ok I guess I'm gray-ace. It fits me more than no sexual attraction ever. But I still want to keep calling myself asexual and honestly, who cares!!! No one has to know that I'm capable of being attracted to people, I could call myself queer and no one should care either. And honestly I like being seen as fully ace, or like... at this point it's such a part of my identity. I experienced so much aphobia growing up to the point that it made me disgusted with the concept of ever feeling attraction in general, and that was definitely why I was in denial about being more gray-ace-ish too, and I still feel attraction SO rarely that honestly it could be never.

Something like aceflux or just aspec would work for me too but that's not the point, point is that no matter what, if trans guys are allowed to call themselves lesbians because of their personal connection to the label, I should be allowed to call myself ace even though I'm only on the spectrum. I prefer to be seen as just ace, some allos know what it means, I feel like I'd have to explain what gray-ace is and by extension describe my experiences and I don't want to do that!!! I don't want to describe the specific combination of things that need to align in order for me to feel sexual attraction. I mean, I'll share it here, because I feel safe here and it's all anonymous, but.

Basically it's kind of a mix of demi- and recipro- maybe, usually, I think irl I'm only capable of being attracted to someone I'm in a romantic relationship with, and that someone has to find me attractive first. But sometimes I see a person and I'm like "they're hot, if we were compatible, I wouldn't mind to date them", I guess that's how allos do it, but it's literally so rare that it's only happened once so far (and during a really weird time in general, I just got out of a really REALLY bad situation and I wasn't ready to unpack that so I got kinda self destructive and did and felt things that weren't normal for me, and to this day I'm not sure if what I felt was actually attraction or if it was just my brain's weird response to trauma, because then when I tried talking to the person more and like... analyzed their photos I guess, I didn't feel anything at all). Idk. it's all so confusing!!!

so basically. I just want to make things easier for myself. I'm ace. I've been ace my entire life. It just means a different thing to me now. But I don't want to let go of the label just because I indentify more with something under it

Submitted March 3, 2023

[luminecho]

🌹, 🌼, ☀️, 🏳️‍🌈 for the ask game!! ☀️ <-(but this time in the kevin way)

HI KEVIN!!!

🌹 - What is your Sexuality?

[starts counting on my fingers] lesbian, greyromantic, asexual...? is that,, I think that's it. I usually just say arospec instead of greyro but I say greyro when I wanna be more specific lol.

🌼 - If you used any other labels before your current one, what were they?

OH BOY!! SO MANY! so when I started experimenting around with labels in middle school I identified as bi because I felt like I just didn't particularly care what somebody's gender was as long as we hit it off, and then I realized that "I don't care" feeling was actually because I literally did not care about romance. So I started identifying as aro-ace. Then when I was like 14-ish I realized girls are pretty. So I switched to lesbian & ace. But then I was like "idk I still feel kinda aromantic I still don't feel like I have the same experience as allo people" so I kind of just stuck with calling myself arospec for a while until I found greyro and felt that it fit.

THEN I realized I had something weird going on with my GENDER and I felt like I really wasn't cis and I thought it felt like it changed day by day so I started identifying as genderfluid but I was kinda iffy about it because my experience didn't totally align. Until one day I was like "wow I wish I was nonbinary. Nonbinary people are so cool. What do you mean I can just be nonbinary if I want to" so I started going by she/they pronouns officially and using NB as a label instead of genderfluid because it felt broader. Less specific. Better. But for quite a while I felt like nonbinary didn't totally describe me either-- I definitely felt like trans never did. And nonbinary is so broad but almost not broad enough. And then very recently I saw a post talking about how cool and sexy the Genderqueer label is. So I'm trying that one out right now! :3 I still use the nonbinary label to talk to non-queer people though lol because I want nothing less than to have to explain shit to people

☀️ - Is there anyone who helped you accept that you were queer? If so, who?

Honestly? Tumblr. I would NOT have realized how unabashedly queer I am and can be if it weren't for this damned site. The MASSIVE queer community here has really given me the space I think a lot of people my age have needed to discover ourselves.

🏳️‍🌈 - Do you enjoy the colors of your preferred flag? Do you incorporate it into your outfits, decor, etc.?

Oh my god. outfits. do people do that?? do people dress in the colors of their pride flags?? that's so fucking cool I never thought of that... I want to do that now deadass

but YES!!!! THE SUNSET LESBIAN FLAG IS MY FAVORITE PRIDE FLAG I ADOOOORE IT IT'S SO SO PRETTY. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. I have a lesbian flag hanging on my bedroom wall that my cat Sage started clawing at the other night so I called him a homophobe. Aside from that I really like the ace flag, it's got good colors. The most commonly accepted greyro flag I'm not a huuuuuge fan of, I much prefer the version that's a bit softer and easier on the eyes and has lighter greens. I actually used to hate the nonbinary flag but I gotta say it's really grown on me over the years. Still not my favorite but I like it! Aaaaaand the genderqueer flagggg,,, it's okay. I think I need some time for it to grow on me

(one of the reasons why I was so hesitant with the genderfluid label for so long is because I don't like the flag lmao)

(queer ask game)

[odinspattern]

I have this small project on the side, and though it is mostly just short, interconnected vignettes that no one is ever going to see, things I have written while being bored at work or having a moment on commutes...

I am still struggling to depict the relationship between two of the characters, because I of course made it hard on myself, by making one aromantic and trying to depict, even to myself, how a queerplatonic relationship can look like.

When like. I honestly have seen so few of these depicted that one. I have next to nothing to lean on. And two... they would never be together, such as they are, in normal circumstances.

Kim Roger, the half-vampire possesses what they in universe call the healing gift. He can manipulate blood and make skin cells regenerate, speed up the recovery process. This skill has made him useful, but ultimately made him a target, he is now unwillingly serving a mercenary company that kidnapped him. He struggles with retaining identity in a situation where he is used as a tool.

Jon Arne is the child of one of the members of said mercenary members, and is by proxy forced in. He and his two other friends who are in a similar situation are thick as thieves. He was pretty into the whole deal, but is getting disillusioned fast.

It is actually a culmination of a lot of things with him. It is a shock seeing Kim Roger, a guy he knew from middle school as the guy he was, during a semester, competing with, on the grounds that they sat next to each other, and Kim Roger was always a little faster in gym. And now he is there as well. Living openly as half-vampire. Maintaining a personality. It makes Jon Arne question and opens up a can of worms. Not only because he is growing up and seeing how he has been groomed into the role, and that the bonds he has with his friends are based on the abuse they face, abuse he was in denial about. But because by seeing Kim Roger rebel, being punished for it and yet maintain himself, it opens up ideas Jon Arne never has had about himself.

When they eventually start a relationship, it is at first, just about having sex and expressing individuality. Jon Arne is experiencing it through getting to have a personality outside of his own group, which is exciting and terrifying. Kim Roger explains that he is not capable of loving anyone, especially not now. For him it is about having a choice and fulfilling needs. Plus, it is fun to be fucking the son of one of the guys that are keeping you against your will.

Later, after a especially brutal session where Kim Roger is punished severely for losing control in a sparring match, they do talk. Not only about their relationship, but about what they are getting out of it. It never becomes a traditional relationship. It is about freedom to be themselves, whatever that means. Sometimes it does look like having a safe harbor to crack under the huge pressure they are both under. Sometimes it looks like sex. They are never romantically involved, at least it is never meant to be romantic.

Like I know it does not matter how it looks like on the outside, because these things are never to be published, it is a project I have on the side, for fun. Told in episodic tales that are often a response to each other. It is just that I am in uncharted waters, trying to figure out how to write this relationship, where they are more than friends, but not together in the usual sense. It isn't just about sex, they are not soul mates, and they do care for each other. Complicated by one being aromantic while the other is allo, one is human, one is part vampire. It is about maintaining your humanity... explored through a kind of relationship that is often outright dismissed, and an identity that is often swept under the rug.

[aro-but-not-ace]

hii please can u help me? I’ve been calling myself aro yet I’m in a relationship and like doing romantic things with the person (to an extent) but I identify with aro bc of other reasons but I’m unsure if I should identify wirh aro and I’m wondering if u could help explain what it feels like to be aro spectrum (Demi grayaro aro in general) compared to being allo bc I feel scared to say I’m aro and tell others that and idk I need someone to help put experiences into words if that’s okay

Hello there!

First of all, your experience is valid. A lot of people have gone through experiences like yours that made them question if they were really aro or not (myself included).

I’m greyromantic, so I generally have felt romantic attraction before, but I rarely feel it otherwise. When I felt it, it was how everyone described it, surprisingly—butterflies in your chest, wanting to spend all your time with them, everything reminds you of them, etc.

But I had never felt any of these things before. In fact, I had to ask a lot of my alloro or greyro friends before I determined that what I was feeling was, in fact, romantic attraction.

Everyone will experience being greyro or demiro in a different way. But the main thing is that they connect with the label, and feel like they relate to being aromantic in some way.

In terms of what being aromantic feels like, it’s a bit harder to explain (surprisingly)—I usually tell alloro people to think of someone they know they would never feel attracted to romantically, and then to imagine that’s how they feel about everyone. But the thing is, this is extremely simplified and doesn’t explain it very well for someone who’s romance favorable.

A few questions I would say to ask yourself are:

Is this the only person I feel this way with?

Have I felt this before, and if so, was it intense or quite often? (usually greyromantic can be interpreted as feeling romantic attraction not as intensely, not as frequently, or both)

Do I just like doing romance-coded things, or is it because I feel different with this person?

I hope this has been helpful! I’ve only really applied my experience to your situation, so it may not encapsulate what you’re feeling, but that’s all I really feel I can do. Honestly, if you feel comforted with the aro label (or demiro label, or greyro label… you get it), use it! If anyone gives you shit for that, that’s their problem. If it feels like it fits, or you feel a connection with it, that’s fine!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! I’ve been questioning a lot these past few months, and I was wondering if you could answer some questions I have. If not, totally fine, feel free to delete this ask. If yes, well here I go.

So, I have always viewed “romance” as just a really close and intimate friendship. I’ve always seen marriage and anything romantic as something you should do with someone you consider a best friend. I can’t imagine romance as anything else, honestly.

So when I learned about queer platonic partners, I felt so confused. Qpps are really intimate platonic relationships with people who tend to do “romantic” actions with each other (kissing, cuddling, living together, etc.) But I always thought that was the definition of romance? If they can be intimate but platonic, then what are romantic attraction/feelings?

Basically, my question is: What exactly is romantic attraction? What is romantic love? How is it different from platonic love?

Also important notes! I am bi/pan, and could see myself dating anyone as long as they’re my best friend. I am also questioning if I am ace, because my sexual attraction is very low. I think I experience sexual attraction, but it’s not a lot, and I would be perfectly happy in a relationship without sex. So please, can you define romance without sexual aspects? A lot of the times it’s how people differentiate between romantic and platonic, and it isn’t helpful to me since sex isn’t a factor for who I would personally date.

Thank you so much for your time!!

Yeah, honestly defining romance is tricky. I think there’s two reasons for that: the first is that what people consider romantic and how they experience romance can be extremely variable. The second is that at least to an extent romance is a social construct, similar to gender and money. That is to say a lot of what we consider to be romantic and what makes a relationship romantic is informed by our culture.

So very generally I like to define romance as: having a personal idea in your head of what is romantic; wanting to do that/general romantic coded things you consider romantic with a specific person; wanting to be in a relationship defined as romantic with that person.

So this is different than just enjoying doing romantic coded things, or enjoy being in a romantic relationship, generally you’d feel a draw towards that person that feels romantic. And the attraction symptoms/feelings you get will also feel romantic to you.

This is so vague right? But there seems to be something about romance that’s very situational and variable. Personally I’ve found too a lot of the time when I ask someone who experiences romantic attraction what that is, they’ll often start describing scenarios to me, saying things like ‘it’s growing old together’ or ‘it’s them being the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning.’ And it took me a long time to kind to realise that for a lot of people, this is what it is. It’s being in these situations they consider romantic and doing these things they consider romantic.

Another factor for what makes something romantic vs platonic is simply that it’s defined as romantic and there’s romantic intent behind it. Why is holding hands with person A romantic, but not person B? Because with person A you’ve decided it is. Whereas you and person B just consider each other to be good friends. In fact there’s very few if any gestures or actions that is considered romantic 100% of the time. What usually makes it romantic is you’ve decided it is. You’re not wrong when you say as a culture people tend to define romantic vs platonic as whether sex is involved. And this is obviously wrong because you can have sex without romance and romance without sex. But my personal pet theory is that allo culture wants an external way to determine if something is romantic or not but there really isn’t one.

Now again not everyone experiences romance the same way, and that line between platonic and romantic is not clear for everyone. Some people can’t or don’t distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction (platoniromantic), or may not feel any internal differences when it comes to romantic or platonic feelings but still categorize relationships that way externally (idemromantic).

Some people also find quoiromantic to be a useful label, and there’s a really great page on quoiromanticism at the Aromantic Wiki. But it’s basically an umbrella term for anyone who’d rather just dis-identify with the concept of romantic attraction. Or who finds it inaccessible, nonsensical, non-applicable, etc.

There’s also alterous attraction, which may have both romantic and platonic elements to it, but it defined and not being fully either. And someone experiencing this form of attraction may be OK with either being friends or in a romantic relationship, or may want a relationship that defies labels all together. But the big thing they will want is a strong emotional bond with the person they’re attracted to.

And since you asked specifically about QPRs and how they’re different from romance--I’d say the biggest difference between them is that a QPR doesn’t feel right to define as a romantic relationship. They’re vaguely defined on purpose, but the biggest factor is that they feel like they fit neither the mold expected for either a romantic relationship or a friendship, which both tend to be defined very rigidly in our culture.

There are other labels/identities that exist in that gray area between romantic and platonic, but those are a lot of the larger/more well known ones.

It can definitely be hard sometimes to tell where you fall (romantic, gray-area between, platonic but romance favorable, etc.), and personally I think the cultural aspect of romance is a big part of that. When figuring out labels I definitely encourage people to think more about what labels would work for you and feel right for you, rather than trying to seek an objective truth which may or may not even exist.

So that is to say, consider what makes sense to you and resonates with you.

So hopefully that’s helpful, I know romance is a confusing concept even at the best of times. And even alloromantic people have trouble explaining it. But this is the best way I’ve been able to distill it so far.

All the best, Anon! And if you still have questions or want something clarified, please feel free to send in another ask.

[ober-affen-geil]

Hey im a lesbian and can i just say that i want to bring ‘asexy’ back sooo much. Im attracted to women, but not men, and i feel like theres a solidarity between lesbians/aces/aros in the sense of lack of heteronormative attraction. And i just think that using words like squish/asexy normalizes aesthetic/platonic attraction/love/etc. Idk if im explaining myself well, but i think asexual culture/words are so niche but also super useful!!

Hey anon! Happy Pride! Thanks for reaching out. You probably didn’t mean to, but you have inspired a small rant lol.

I honestly think that’s the most frustrating part about aces/aros/aroaces being infantilized and dismissed and outright made fun of for using words to describe our experiences; because if allos would get their brain out of the gutter for more than two seconds* it would be very obvious that those words apply to allos too.

“Squish” is not a word that does not apply to allos. It basically just means a friendship crush. But “crush” usually has both romantic and sexual connotations, so we came up with something that was a variation on the theme. Straight people can have squishes on other straight people. Queer folks can have squishes on straight people, and allos of all shapes and sizes can have squishes on people, even if they technically fall into the category of “people they could be sexually/romantically attracted to”. It just means you like that person and think they’re neat!

I’ve gone on a rant before about how the Split Attraction Model actually applies to everyone in my opinion too; it’s just that allos, especially cishet ones who never really have a cause to examine themselves at all, don’t seem to have to put as much thought into their identities as aces and aros do.

And like, honestly it’s interesting you send this to me today because I’ve been thinking about this recently, but “asexy”. It may have something to do with me being afab and being raised in an environment/culture where “looking good” equals a lot of positive things, but personally I like the days when I’m dressed up. My presentation varies widely on the “masculine-feminine spectrum” (which is a lie anyway but I DIGRESS) but when I really take the time to put myself together I feel good. It makes me confident and powerful, and I’m a big fan.

But when I’m suddenly confronted with the fact that there are people who are looking at me and sexualizing me? And I don’t even mean in an “objectification” way I just mean “looking at me and finding me sexy”? I want to claw out of my skin. 

The reminder, and the disgust in response, that I am being measured and considered for something that I want no part of, is something I think everyone can relate to, actually. Anon you point out the lesbian/ace/aro solidarity and I think that’s certainly true; as a result of lesbians being in a culture that sexualizes and commodifies women’s bodies and puts them in a world that is not only heteronormative but patriarchal as well, lesbians probably know the feeling I’m describing intimately. And straight women, I’m sure, know that feeling as well.

But it’s something I’m also sure straight men would understand if they were put in a situation with gay men; if they had their power and control and privilege pushed aside for a short while they might have a taste of it too. And not to silence voices, since most straight men are not as obtuse as we make them out to be, a lot of them, if they really thought about it, could probably come up with a situation like the one I’m describing. It just likely wasn’t as uncomfortable for them because they had the confidence and security to say “no” and trust it would be respected.

My point is that feeling, that awful, prickling discomfort of the realization and reminder that “that person Wants me in a way that I don’t want them”, even if it’s not acted on by the other person, is not something that is unique to the asexual or aromantic experience. 

So to silence our voices, to bully and shame us into obscurity and to brand us with the dunce cap of “cringe culture”, in my opinion does a great disservice to everyone involved.

*I am aware that most allos are not, in fact, raging sex beasts who are slavering 24/7 over the idea of doing the nasty, and I am also aware that I am speaking from a position of an unfortunately deeply puritanical culture that sexualizes even minor physical contact and shames us for mere thoughts that for the most part are not actually sexual in nature. Yes, allos are suffering for that even if they don’t know it. Please also be aware that I as an aroace suffered having to unlearn it in myself and am still suffering from how it affects the allos around me on a daily basis so I feel I am entitled to a little snark.

[ghostgetsablog]

This argument exactly.

I started being uncomfortable with LGBT (including LGBT+, LGBTQIA+, LGBT*, and all the other assorted related acronyms) when I realised I was not so entirely the L I thought I was.

When I realised I was genderqueer, and stared getting into the community politics, I started to get uncomfortable. LGBT started feeling like saying "just like you, except [this] easily digestible difference".

And... I wasn't?

Like... I tried shoving myself nearty into the trans category, and ran headfirst into all the baggage that comes from that. Transmedicalists and passing rehtoric and binarism.

Turns out I am as much a straight trans man as I am a lesbian cis woman. That is to say, they are the impeccable wrapping paper covering a very strange package of truth.

When I found MOGAI, I was ecstatic. This was a compromise between the restrictive feeling of LGBT and the wonky freedom of reality.

It's probably worth mentioning that I didn't grow up with queer being the slur du jour. Gay was the popular slur, and I only ran into queer in reference to the history and studies. Queer was to LGBT as Homo Sapiens was to human. I loved the word queer in writing, to denote things that were... Not quite "right". Not dangerous or necessarily unpleasant, but different.

In fact the biggest slurs used against me were dyke (most notably being called a dyke is what caused me to Google that and realise that yes, yes I was a dyke), and--get this-- LGBT.

LGBT had been around long enough and accepted long enough by the time I was came out in highschool that the folk who bullied me asked if I was "one of those LGBT fuckers". It has ceased being an acronym and instead became an emblem of the community... Much like queer.

But yeah. I found MOGAI, and it felt good! And then the attacks on that came in. It was too inclusive-- cishet women are a marginalized gender!; it didn't highlight people's individual struggles; it was new and therefore folk wouldn't remember it-- as if LGBT had existed forever; pedophiles and zoophiles and all manner of degenerates have claim to that word!--the same argument used for anything we ever try and claim for ourselves.

The fact that it was easier to say and wouldn't have to be constantly adjusted to cover everyone was irrelevant. In fact, those were the problems, as far as detractors were concerned. They didn't want the focus to be diffused away from LGBT (honestly these same people would probably have been happy with just having lesbians and gay, cut out the weirdness of bi and trans folk too) neat categories. Easily explained. "I'm exactly like you, except this one tiny detail."

So when I re-realised my gender wasn't binary, quickly in succession realised my romanticism wasn't allo, and my sexuality wasn't as simple as "folk who present as women"... I was stuck.

I could either go down the rabbit hole of trying to find ever more precise terms to exactly paint in my boundaries-- which I did for a while! For a good period of time I ID'd as a genderflux transmasculine quoiromantic gynesexual* person.

*the best word I had at the time to say "female presenting regardless of actual gender identity". I never felt comfortable with that word, which is another reason I didn't like this rabbit hole.

But y'know what? That was fucking EXHAUSTING. Just telling folk "what I was" usually meant explaining every single one of those terms, usually meant opening myself up to argument. As though it was less an inherent identity and more a series of questionable life choices.

Queer. Queer is a reprieve.

Queer let's me say "here's a category that includes me, you don't need to know the details." Heck, queer let me get to the place I'm at now, where I don't need to know the details. That became especially helpful when I realised my DID and suddenly had a lot more identity confusion to deal with.

I can just flow through life, accepting how I feel about myself and others without throwing it under the microscope of "how is it different from cis-het-allo-- how is it different from 'normal'".

Queer lets me just simply say "it is".

Those other words are still useful to me. They help me find other folk with similar experiences to mine.

But day-to-day? No one needs to know if right now my inner essence is male, female, non existent, attracted to men, women, both, neither, all, romantically or not. Not even I need to really have a constant awareness of those finer details.

I am a person, who feels some ways, about myself and others.

Those ways are different from what is presented to me as "normal".

Therefore, I am queer.

Simple.

Easy.

A deep breath of fresh air, after years of struggling to tread water.

I don't see myself in LGBT.

I still feel a small sting from the folk who used it against me-- both in and out of the community. People outside used it as a weapon to attack me with, people inside used it as a shield I didn't fit behind... and wouldn't make room for me.

I'll never ask anyone to stop using it, it helps a lot of people!

But it isn't my home, that sterile box.

I found my way to the great foggy expanse of Queer, and I'm building my home somewhere out there in the moors.

Come visit, I think you'll like it.

Here’s the thing about LGBT+ vs. Queer.

I’m ace, nonbinary, and demiromantic. With LGBT+ I’m included in the plus. And I’m happy to be included! Indeed, folks pointedly using LGBT without the plus makes my hackles raise.

But. I am sick of being in the fucking plus sign like an afterthought.

And no, adding more to the alphabet soup doesn’t help that feeling. There’s a limit to what human brains can cram in. I don’t think it’s reasonable to make folks say an increasingly long acronym every time they mention the community. I appreciate the effort, but you’re always going to either leave someone out or cram them into the miscellaneous field the plus sign represents.

With Queer I’m just there, alongside my queer siblings. The details may be different, but I’m just as queer as a cis allo gay man or a trans allo straight woman or a genderfuck individual.

We already tried to meet folks who don’t like queer as a word halfway with MOGAI. Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignment, and Intersex. It’s inclusive without using the Dreaded Q-Word. Surely, if the objection was to “queer” as a Terribly Traumatizing Word (just like, oh, every other word used for us: “gay” was the slur of choice where I was growing up), MOGAI would be the perfect solution, yes?

And yet, that was thrown back into our faces and turned into an insult. So, at that point, I said fuck it and fuck you. I’m queer, and if its inclusivity makes you mad, good.

[rox-the-proxy]

Arranged Lives

Based off of @superfluous-vanitas Tribes AU mixed with ARK: survival evolved and some of The Isle ideas/creatures and concepts. And it helps that I love anything TerraVan so their art on their AU gave me the idea to write this! Its nothing long, but I do hope you enjoy!

“Are you sure you’re okay with all of this?” Lea asked as he sat in front of his Allosaurus as he ran a wet brush over its rough skin. He turned his head to look at the raven haired male next to him who was leaning back on a rather large, white and gray colored Tyrannosaurus, though unlike many of the others of his same kind, not only is it much larger with more pronounced brow ridges, he also had armor like skin starting from the base of its neck all the way down to the tip of his tail. paired with a narrower muzzle, it was clear this T-Rex was genetically different and probably one of the very rare occurrences that happened in these parts of the grassy plains of their tribe’s territory. How had Vanitas gotten this creature and tame it was beyond Lea, but it worked in favor of their tribe when it came to the many times their tribe has gotten into territory fights with other neighboring tribes. In fact, the topic of their current conversation was on one of those said Neighboring tribes. “I mean, did Xehanort even ask? Or did he just throw this on ya?”

Vanitas sighed and that was all the red head needed to know that this agreement was suddenly thrown onto him verses being part of the conversations that lead to this agreement. “It’s not all that bad,” Vanitas stated as he ran his hand down his creature’s jaw as it let out what could be considered a low and deep grumbling purr of content, which was an odd sound to hear from a predator like that one. but their tribe were masters at taming predator type creatures. Small or big, it was just a matter of time and patience for each type of creature they managed to capture. Either way, back to the topic at hand, Lea was sure he felt more annoyed then Vanitas did but then again hes known the Tribe Leader’s adopted kid for as long as he can remember now. and he knew that Xehanort was putting forth the marriage of his kid to Tribe Leader Eraqus’ kid; Terra in order to put an end to the constant fights between their tribes and in order to expand territory as well. both tribes were fairly large, and combined together they would make one of only two large tribes that had once been two separate tribes as well. However, that didn’t mean that Lea agreed with it. while Vanitas had this…infatuation with Terra, Terra had no interest in Vanitas, however. While this arranged marriage was something Vanitas was more on bored with, Lea had heard that Terra had been very much against it, still was even.

Despite having finally agreed to the marriage, everyone knew that Terra was anything but pleased with this. But it was necessary to end the constant conflicts and to bring the dawn of a better age for both of their tribes. Terra saw it was mere business and necessity, Vanitas saw it like that and maybe an opportunity to maybe win the bigger male over. though, Lea had his serious doubts that this was all going to work out, considering the bad history between the two tribes. It was never personal for Vanitas, territory fights broke out more often then not and Van and his T-Rex only ever went out during those fights when Xehanort deemed it necessary. Which wasn’t often, but during the last battle, Vanitas had been called to the fight and when he brought along his T-Rex, a lot of the other tribe's men had gotten hurt or killed. It had been one of their more….aggressive battles. Terra had been present for that battle and he and Vanitas had a run in, while Terra and his own T-Rex had been ready to take the other two on, Vanitas had no intentions of fighting him, so instead of making the bloodshed worse, Vanitas took his leave. Xehanort had been furious beyond belief. Lea had been worried that his friend was going to be punished for his actions, but with a mutated T-Rex who was very over protective of him, he didn’t have to worry too much. “Its for the good of both Tribes. We are stronger and more efficient together then we are apart.” at the words of his friend, the read head rolled his eyes as he turned his gaze back to his own Dino, gently cleaning out bite wounds and lacerations on his neck from the pack of Raptors they had encountered earlier. “Is she gonna be okay?” Vanitas asked from his spot against his partner, the red head chuckled.

“Are you?” Lea asked, giving the raven a small smile. he watched as Vanitas looked down at the charm that had been gifted to him by his soon to be husband. It was out of tradition, the man had explained to Vanitas. Not because he actually liked him. to anyone, Vanitas just rushed the comment off and happily accepted the charm. But to Lea, Isa and anyone else who knew the raven as well as they did, knew that the comment stung. “Seriously, you gonna be okay? we could always still go with Isa’s and my plan.”

Vanitas laughed, shaking his head at that. Isa and Lea had come up with some overly complicated plan that involved them steal supplies and mounts from the Tribe stables and running away. Isa and Lea had their lives figured out, they technically didn’t need to stay with this tribe to survive. With Isa’s smarts and Lea’s uncanny way with the Allo species, they could easily have a pack of them in a week or two’s time before getting other Tribe members and eventually starting their own little familial group. Vanitas didn’t necessarily have that. he wasn’t…all that great with connecting with people, never had been for as long as he could remember. And that wasn’t much, a lot of his childhood was hazy, he had been told that he was taken in by this Tribe when they found him with this small, odd looking juvenile T-Rex. He was close to starving, covered in wounds that at the time and in the moment couldn’t be explained. When eh came to, he was in a more or less daze, so a lot of his time as a child before being taken in by Xehanort was unknown to him. but Lea and Isa had taken to the raven quickly as Xehanort often left Vanitas with them during his recovery period. Since his arrival, many of the other Tribe members found him strange ,a bad omen as it was when Vanitas was taken was when their Tribe leader became far less inclined to show mercury to their rival tribes. Many blamed Vanitas’ coming as a bad sign, the end of their Tribe. And it truly did seem like that up until this deal with Eraqus’ Tribe was met. “I’ll be fine. just gotta stay on his good side is all.” Lea rolled his eyes at the response, Vanitas couldn’t really blame his red-headed friend for it either. Lea had always tried to look out for him as best he and Isa could. Both more then willing to stand up for him against the many accusations of other Tribe members that Vanitas was a curse along with his Rex.

Lea had opened his mouth to respond to that half-assed reasoning but paused when his Allo lifted her head up suddenly along with Vanitas’ Rex. The two got to their feet quickly but calmed down at the sight of Isa, Tribe leader Xehanort, Tribe Leader Eraqus and Terra walking their way. Lea was quick to bow to the two Tribe leaders as was Vanitas. “Afternoon Tribe Leaders,” Lea greeted with a forced but polite smile, the red-head was never good with authority and Vanitas swore he was going to get himself killed one of these days. Both males then stood straight again as Lea snapped his fingers at his Allo who stood on her feet, shaking her body as if to loosen her muscles. “I’m going to safely assume you all wish to speak to Vanitas and Terra privately, so Isa, Ally and myself will take our leave. We’ll catch you at the Dinner hunt, Vani.” The red head said waving to his friend who nodded slowly. He waved a silent goodbye to his two long time and only friends as they started to walk away with Ally following her rider. With his friend gone, Vanitas felt a hundred times more nervous then he had the moment his golden colored eyes had landed the group. He cleared his throat and turned his attention to the other three.

“Afternoon Tribe Leaders, Terra,” he greeted, with a slight inline of his head. “To what do I owe this unexpected visit?” Xehanort huffed, walking up to the boy as he placed a hand on his shoulder. For a moment, Vanitas had to stare at this Rex who opened a red colored eye after he had laid his head back down and closed them. but the moment the man who took him in had placed a hand on him, this earned a low, deep, but threatening growl from the Rex. Vanitas gave the group a sheepish smile as he turned to face the mutated predator. “Shhh, easy boy. What’s got you riled?” he asked softly, as he ran his hands down the creature’s jaws and over his muzzle. “Apologies-“

“There is no need to fret, young Vanitas. We are simply here to suggest that perhaps you and Terra here go out for a while on your own. Talk to each other. With your mounts of course. Xehanort and I believed it would be good for you to spend some more time together before the ceremonial day. As once that day comes you both will be far to busy getting ready to even have time to say good morning to one another.” Eraqus cut in with his usual calm and soothing tone. Honestly, talking to him was less stressful then talking to Xehanort who had been the man to save his life so many years ago. To tell the truth, he enjoyed talking to Eraqus more then he did talking to Xehanort. Though he would never admit that to Xehanort’s face. “That, and it will give you both time to talk about certain topics, and what you two will be doing once your both married. You can both live here, or back where our tribe is located. You cant take all the time you need until your hunting group goes out.” He explained looking to Vanitas who nodded wordlessly. He gave him and Terra a reassuring smile.

Vanitas watched as Eraqus leaned in close to Terra and whispered something in his ear which got the blue eyed man to blush darkly and look away, the tribe leader only laughed. Vanitas jumped when eh felt his own tribe leader lean down and whisper in his own ear. “Do try to be civil and not ruin this for the tribe.” Was the only warning he got before he started to follow his old time friend. Once gone, Vanitas sighed, relaxing now that the two tribe leaders were gone. An awkward silence fell over him and Terra. It wasn’t like they had much in common and it wasn’t like his own Rex was anything like Terra’s. for a moment, Vanitas refused to look at the bigger man, he focused on petting his mount who was letting out low rumbling purrs of content.

“So…what is up with your Rex anyway?” Terra asked, being the one to finally break the silence. Vanitas looked at him a bit confused by the question, but he looked up at Terra’s Rex, a female with black and red coloring on her body. she was larger then the average T-Rex, but she was nowhere near the size of his own. But then again it wasn’t like his Rex was exactly normal, no one quite knew why his mount was so large, temperamental or looked so weird, but most assumed it was due to a genetic mutation. How had the mutation happened and could have caused it, no one had a clue. But his had been with him all his life, or for as long as he could remember. Vanitas shook his head quickly as he focused back on the man’s question.

“With the growling? He isn't a fan of Tribe Leader Xehanort. Not that blame him but-“

“I meant why is he so…” Terra made a vague motion with his hands, gesturing to the entire creature who was at this point merely watching the two as they spoke. “Why dose he look so strange. What’s his story?” at that, Vanitas laughed and shrugged.

“I only remember waking up with him at my side. I don’t remember how I got him or how I even got here. but he’s no older then I believe it or not.” Vanitas looked up at the male and was met with the sight of Terra looking more then a little confused by his words. that’s when he remembered that only his Tribe knew that he wasn’t originally from this Tribe. He had forgotten that Terra and Eraqus didn’t know, and now that he said that, he wondered if he had just screwed this entire ceremony over. Terra must have noticed his worry of him taking a seat next to him and placing a hand on his lower back in a comforting manner was anything to go by. “I- uh…” he trailed off, finding himself overwhelmed with nerves. He cleared his throat and kept his eyes locked onto his Mount’s face. “I was found by Tribe Leader Xehanort years ago. I was starving and hurt pretty bad. that first year or two with him during my recovery period are hazy at best. So I don’t remember much. But Hypo here has always been there with me. Hes not even fully grown yet, or so we think anyway.” The raven shrugged as he smiled at his mount who let out a long yawn, lifting his head and shaking it for a moment. “We aren’t sure why he looks the way he does either. but we assume it’s because of a genetic mutation. But its all assumptions.”

Terra nodded falling silent again. despite everything, and Vanitas wasn’t someone who clearly was a bad person, but many of his tribe members had been killed or wounded due to that Rex that Vanitas had. Of course, it wasn’t all of his own fault either. Vanitas’ tribe were excerpts when it came to combat and fighting with predator Creatures. So any tribe that went head on against his were often cashed away covered in blood and carrying the bodies of their fallen warriors. The last battle his and Vanitas’ Tribe had it ended in far more death then many of their other battles had ever ended in. and when Terra and his Rex; Ash had confronted Vanitas and Hypo he was shocked when the raven had gone several shades paler then usual, turned tail and ran instead of standing his ground. Neither Tribe won that day after Vanitas ran. Both Tribes were shocked by this and ended the fight almost as soon as it started, each going back home to lick their wounds and treat their wounded, as well as put their dead to rest. That’s when Terra had started to think about Vanitas a lot more, there had always been something strange but interesting about him. part of him had even wanted to take a chance to just sneak off to speak to him. however, that was dashed and pushed aside when Xehanort came to their village, offering an agreement that could lead to both of their tribe benefiting. At first he had been excited to hear what the man had to say, but that excitement turned to shock when he said he was willing to offer up his son; Vanitas for marriage to him so that their Tribes would unit and the fighting would not only end but it would mean both territories would be shared and thus making life for each tribe so much easier. Terra was not happy that he was basically being offered Vanitas as a bargaining chip. What was even worse was that his own father had agreed to it.

He wouldn’t have been so angry if he had a say in it. its not like he would have said no, after all, it would make life easier for their people. And then his friends; Aqua and Ventus wouldn’t have to risk their lives so much when they went out to hunt or help gather food. He would have been willing to accept it if he had just been included in these talks. He was all for doing what was necessary to help his tribe, especially if it made their lives easier and meant they wouldn’t be getting slaughtered anymore. But that hadn’t been the case here, he had just been thrown into this agreement and without so much as a word said to him until only a few weeks ago. since then, he and Vantias had met more often then ever before, these meetings weren’t pleasant during that time, he was mad, angry. and it showed in the way he came off as professional as possible and just cold when he spoke to Vanitas. Hell, even when he craved the wooden charm that would traditionally be given to the women in his Tribe, but it could easily be worn by men as well, but either way when he carved the charm and gave it to Vantias he had said it was only due to tradition, nothing more and nothing less. Outwardly, Vanitas accepted it with grace. But when he looked at the raven in the eyes, he saw hurt, sadness. It shot a pang of guilt into his chest. So, on that day he had told himself that he would try to be a little nicer to him. it didn’t work over night, but he was warming up to the raven slowly.  Today had been one of the few times he and Vanitas were left alone to talk and like always it was always weird, but Terra knew it was due to him coming off so cold and harsh with the other male who also had no say in this entire thing. When he looked at the golden eyed male he saw him looking down at the charm, holding it between his fingers as they sat in silence.

“I know you must be disappointed in the match up,” Vanitas started saying, looking at him as he started speaking, his fingers tightening on the wooden charm. “But if it’s any consolation….i’m not disappointed.”

Terra blushed darkly, and it didn’t help that the raven had his own blush on his face as well. Terra couldn’t help but smile and chuckle slightly. maybe this marriage wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[anti-mistajules]

For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view

Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

What arospec label(s) do you identify with?

I’m just plain ol Aromantic

Sexual orientation?

Bisexual

Are you romance-repulsed?

To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.

Do you relate to voidpunk?

Do I relate to what now?

What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?

Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.

How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?

I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!

Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?

I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.

If you want one, what is your dream partner?

no! 

Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?

Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:

Your opinion on soulmates?

allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!

Your opinion on shipping?

Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.

Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?

Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.

Are you out to anyone in real life?

My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother

How did you come out?

Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.

Do you know any aromantic people in real life?

Nope! I would love to meet some!!

How do you feel about your aromanticism?

Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.

What is the worst part of being aromantic?

The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)

Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol

ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///

What is the best part of being aromantic?

Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’

How did you find out about aromanticism?

I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor

When did you know you were aromantic?

I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.

Do you have any aromantic headcanons?

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS

What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?

An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight

Who is your aromantic icon/idol?

NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA

What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?

Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)

What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?

BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!

What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?

POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.

What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?

SONAMY

Do you experience squishes?

I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.

Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?

I do not but id love to own a flag or two

Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.

[kabbalicgay]

hey ayhan can u answer all the questrions on here im trying to sus you out boi princelymlm tumblr com post /167651440077/gay-ask-game-for-gays-only

This ask is cursed but I so rarely get ask game responses so I’ll do this . All 30 questions are down below :

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

T r i p   i n t o   a   m o r g u e . Okay but honestly ? Fucken uhh stargazing , or a trip to the art gallery , or museum , or whatever . I’m not all that fussed because honestly ? I’m just happy to spend time with a crush / date / significant other and as long as we’re not on our phones the entire time , I’m content .

2. whats your “type”

Men who won’t hurt me lmfao

Okay idk ? I don’t really have a “type” , but arts / literature / theatre gays are greatly appreciated .

3. do you want kids?

Yeah , one day I think .

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

Adopt or foster – even if I didn’t have dysphoria , I’ve got a pretty strong belief that there are plenty of kids in government care looking for love and safety and a home , so there’s no real reason for me to have a biological child .

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

I’ve never been out on a date because I’m fundamentally unlovable and a country homosexual :/

6. TW for sexual assault below in this question : describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

My first time was sexual assault with an adult , so To Be Fair , it could have gone better .

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time gay . Mornings are for cuddling and sleepy sex.

8. opinion on nap dates?

Never heard of them but sounds like good shit

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Brown eyes are beautiful and I will be damned if any of y’all forget how wonderful brown eyes are

10. dog gay or cat gay?

D O G   G AY

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Fuck yeah I would

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

Aggressiveness and anger ? And Bad Politics .

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

MOGAI tumblr fucked me up pretty bad lmao

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

You’re not fucking asexual or aromantic and you sure as shit ain’t “homosexual biromantic” – please just fucking love yourself .

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I’m still working this out but currently I’m 99% sure I’m a gay homosexual man-person-thing who is suffering from internalised homophobia irt my attraction to women . So no , I have no types 

16. who is an ex you regret?

All of them , I have not had a single healthy or loving relationship

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Cafe – I love dancing and hook-ups but I’m also an autistic with a low tolerance for loud noises

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Any woman in fiction because Eowyn and Uhura and Janway aND FUCKIONG TASHA YAR and listen , I want a Klingon woman to raw me :/

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Book gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Uhhhhhhhhhhh Kirk/Spock , Kirk/McCoy , Kirk/McCoy/Spock – listen I don’t care but just give me my Star Trek gays

21. favourite gay youtuber

I don’t think there’s a single one that doesn’t annoy the living shit out of me lmfao

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Nah , I might crush on straight boys but I’m not That Stupid

23. have you ever been in love?

There is A Boy at my LGBT group who I’m currently in Adoration with , but otherwise ? I’ve had a long history of falling head-over-heels in love with guys

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yeah

25. how do you determine if you want to be themor be with someone

My mind will usually tell me lmfao

26. favourite lgb musician/band

The Kinks .

vsachgsdds I’m KIDDING but Pansy Division , Bikini Kill , idk even The Smiths ~~technically~~ . MIKA is the shit and I would die for him , Queen , and that’s it ?? There’s probably plenty more LGB(T) bands I’m forgetting right now

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

If you’re a child or a young teenager and you’re not interested in sex , that doesn’t make you asexual because libido / sexual attraction takes a while to kick in so you’ll probably find out who gets you going at like 16 / 17 because you won’t be a literal child then .

Dysphoria and trans / gender shit can make sexuality super hard to figure out , esp if you’re nonbinary in any way , so like ?? Just experiment with labels because the easiest way of figuring out your sexuality is to just call yourself the thing and work out if it fits . And shit , it may take some tries , and that’s okay . You’re young and this stuff is confusing for adults 

You’re not dirty or disgusting or an evil allo or whatever for wanting to fuck boys or wanting to fuck girls . Like , holding hands and feeding each other strawberries is nice and cute and all , but you’re allowed to want to be rawed by someone as well and it isn’t gross or shameful

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

Yeah , and I came out by just telling everyone and being as obnoxiously homosexual as possible

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

Trying to explain to my mother that no , me liking boys doesn’t mean I’m straight because I’m not a girl

That or vaguely calling myself “gay” to the pastor at our Anglican church because again , I didn’t want a repeat of above 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

One day you’re gonna find a family and people who will love and accept you no matter what , and one day , eventually , you will find a home and a safe space where you won’t ever have to fear being yourself wholly and apologetically .

And even if it takes a while for you to find that , know that I love you and I care about you , and I’m proud of you , and you will find people who’re much closer to you who’ll share those same sentiments .