#That sounds like it's on it's own whole level actually
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do u have hcs for sams post canon family life
Ok so gonna preface this with the fact that I hold opinions that I think are relatively uncommon in this corner of Samblr which is that as a general overarching thing Sam was relatively happy, he and blurry partner stayed together and were mostly happy, and Sam was on the whole a pretty good dad. Not that everything was perfect, far from it, but that generally it all worked out ok. I feel this way mostly tbh because if I didn't I would genuinely struggle to get any enjoyment out of the finale. I'm a FAKE Sam suffering enjoyer lmao. It's already deeply fucking depressing to me to imagine Sam spending eternity in heaven with Dean being squished back into The Roles, I need SOMETHING so cling too lol.
ANYWAYS that being said:
Said this before but although I am fairly flexible on identity of blurry partner my personal favourite thing to come back to is that she is Amelia. So I'm gonna run with her for the rest of these.
Related to this is that I think when we see Sam leave the bunker in the finale to go on the hunt in Texas that ended up being the last time he ever returned. He didn't mean it to be, it just happened. Maybe subconsciously he knew because he'd packed the little memory box with pictures etc in the trunk of the Impala without thinking about it. Anyway keeping this on track, he ends up staying in Texas and eventually, he and Amelia run into each other again - her having left Don again after things didn't work out a few years ago (gonna be real with you I think Don was abusive) and end up reconnecting.
Riot and Miricle are kinda grumpy but tolerant about each other.
They also eventually adopt an old lady tabby cat from the local shelter who absolutely terrorises both dogs, but dotes on Sam.
Sam ends up telling Amelia the truth about his life about 3 months into their relationship restarting, not all of it, but enough to keep her aware. She says that honestly even though it sounds crazy it makes a LOT of sense of how Sam was when they first met. This is the point at which they decide they do want their relationship to last and be serious. Amelia suggests they do couple's counselling together, given both their past issues if they really want to make this work.
He and Amelia never marry for a variety of reasons, but it works for them.
Sam ends up getting a degree - I think in something like anthropology (me an archaeologist totally not biased here lol), he does it through a distance learning program so mostly online but with some in-person classes and workshops.
DJ wasn't a planned pregnancy and it took a lot of discussion between them to decide to go ahead. Sam in particular was very anxious about the idea of being an actual dad to an actual baby, as much as he was kinda one to Jack he knows this is a whole different level. Amelia never wanted kids with Don. Amelia is also in her 40s by the time it happens so there are extra potential complications to consider. In the end they both agree that they want go ahead, and they both acknowledge that this will probably be their only kid.
Already mentioned Sam and DJ being autistic elsewhere but that's very precious to me.
Sam does struggle to find a balance between making sure he's there for DJ in a way his dad wasn't for him and being too much of a helicopter parent. He's SO conscious of DJ being an only child and the potential for loneliness stemming from that (absolutely projecting his own childhood loneliness SO hard and of course, his ideas on sibling companionship are NOT normal lol). As DJ get's older Sam does manage to relax a little, although it is still an issue from time to time.
That being said as I mentioned previously re the autism headcannon this level of worry also means that Sam puts in SO much work and research into being a supportive dad to an autistic kid.
Amelia is the 'breadwinner' in the relationship, continuing to work as a vet, Sam works a series of different part-time jobs over the years, mostly involving fixing stuff. After he gets his degree he works a couple of days a week at the local library as an assistant.
Related, finally stopping hunting gave him time to really catch up with and assess his body, and a lot of the weight and wear and tear of what he'd been through hit him quite suddenly. He has chronic fatigue issues in particular for the rest of his life which is why part-time work ends up being the best solution for him. Although Amelia, and DJ when he's a teenager, do still frequently have to sit him down and force him to stop trying to do too much at once.
Amelia passes away before Sam. She had been dead for about 5 years by the time Sam died.
Sam keeps very little contact with the hunting world, but Jody does still come to visit. DJ is very fond of her, much to Sam's delight.
The first time Sam had to look after DJ on his own after Amelia went back to work full time and was working a nightshift he was stuck to him like glue, Amelia came home to find him curled up on the floor asleep right next to DJs cot.
Sam loves helping DJ with his homework, and DJ loves it too - its their special time together, and its when Sam is able to be most emotionally open and present.
Sam's issues with food never go away, and its one thing he and Amelia do get into fights over is Sam (unintentionally) putting some of his issues on DJ (think Sam telling Jack he shouldn't eat sugary cereal).
Sam and Amelia both discover a love of gardening and they spend a lot of their free time together working on their garden. Amelia particularly loves roses and has a little rose garden that becomes their little sanctuary (Amelia's ashes are buried there). Sam creates a little healing herbs garden, he doesn't actively practice witchcraft but he likes to make little tinctures and teas and stuff.
I'll stop there lol
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neallo · 1 day ago
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snippet saturday: camcorder (working title)
ship: Mello x Near x Matt category: F/F/F words: 915 rating: explicit (minors, do not interact!)
calling this one a snippet is a huge fucking stretch, because it's about 900 words, but it's also not complete enough to post on AO3 and won't be for a hot minute (<- really trying to work on something else rn) so. in honor of matt's birthday... :-)
mildest of warnings for degrading language, and disclaimer that this has not been edited almost at all. xoxo, enjoy!
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“No, no, Matt, you have to really watch. Listen.”
Matt was really watching and really listening the first time, and she caught it on tape besides, but she doesn’t bother protesting. It’d be a dumb hill to die on, especially since she’s got 70% charge, a backup battery, and fuck-all else to do this afternoon— plus, it’s not like she’d mind a repeat performance. Silently nodding, she sits back on her heels and zooms out, angling the camcorder so the frame captures both Mello and Near in full again.
Her eyes flicker between the screen and the scene in front of her, taking it all in and patting herself on the back for— well, everything. This is only happening thanks to her hard work and utter genius, after all. If they’d waited for Mello to come around to the idea on her own, Near would’ve been a virgin for another ten years, and they all might’ve almost died of sexual frustration in the meantime. Neither of them would’ve thought to record it all, either. Sure, Mello’s sentimental enough (though she’d definitely deny that), but not nearly enough of a pervert. That’s what she has Matt for, though.
“Ready when you are,” she tells Mello once Matt realizes she’s waiting.
Mello grins. She’s propped up against the headboard with Near sitting between her legs, leaning back against Mello’s chest. The younger girl is glassy-eyed, panting, and— most importantly— in nothing but panties. They’ve been fooling around with Near for a few weeks, now, but it’s always been through clothes— neither of them have actually seen her whole body until today. She’s even cuter than Matt bargained for, which is impressive, because she did think Near was pretty cute already.
Of course, some of the present appeal is in more than just Near’s perky tits and pretty, spindly limbs; it’s in watching Mello toy with her. Each one of them is hot on their own, but together? Jesus. For today, Matt’s not getting involved directly, because Mello wants Near’s first time all to herself, which Matt really doesn’t mind; being the cameraman and director is fun enough on its own, and a higher calling besides. Sure, she’s already pretty horny, but her vibrator will take care of that when she’s finished becoming the patron saint of homemade lesbian porn.
Mello looks right into the camera, eyes smoldering as she puts her hands back on Near’s breasts and slowly, deliberately gropes her, smiling wider when Near’s head tips back and her mouth falls open again. It’s literally exactly the same thing that happened the last time Mello told her to watch.
“O-oh,” Near gasps, “Mello, I— mm—”
And, okay, it is still really hot the second time around.
“Cute,” Matt says. It’s an understatement, kind of, but she can’t figure out a way to express her actual feelings without sounding like a total creep, and she thinks Mello will get what she means, anyway.
“I swear, she gets more sensitive every time.” Mello’s fingers find the little pink peaks of Near’s nipples, and she thumbs at them. Near jerks in her grasp, crying out in some mixture of ecstasy and agony.
“God damn,” Matt murmurs. “She really likes that. Keep going, I— wanna make sure I got a good shot of that part.”
Shifting to pull Near upright again— she slipped a little while squirming— Mello tucks her chin into the crook of Near’s shoulder, putting their faces at the same level. She lowers her eyes to Near’s chest and pushes her little tits together, showing Near off for the camera before turning her attention to her nipples again. At the very first brush of Mello’s fingers, Near whimpers.
“It’s like she was made for it,” Matt mutters, absent-minded, half to herself.
Mello, of course, hears perfectly. “You hear that, Near? Matty thinks you’re good at this.”
“O-oh,” Near says. “Thank you?”
A mean little smile blooms on Mello’s pretty face. “You know how much porn Matt watches? A ton.” She flicks one of Near’s nipples. “She’s not easy to impress, angel.”
“Angel,” Matt echoes, a bit sardonically.
Mello gives her a sharp look. “Something funny?”
“It’s an ironic choice right now,” she says. “That’s all.”
“Why? ‘Cause she looks like a desperate little slut?”
Near whines. Writhes. Gets pinched for her trouble, and whimpers helplessly over it.
“Yeah,” Matt says faintly. “Something like that.”
“We don’t even know how wet she is,” Mello points out. “Near. Open your legs. Show Matty how much you like me.”
It’s a testament to how far gone Near is that she just obeys. An hour ago, when they first took out the camera, she was a little shy, but all the hesitation has evidently been teased out of her by Mello’s touch.
“Holy fuck,” Matt says, staring at Near’s newly-exposed cunt. The white, wiry hairs between her thighs are plastered to her pink skin by slick arousal. As Matt’s looking, she visibly drips.
Mello’s hands migrate from Near’s chest to the backs of her knees. She lifts Near’s legs from the bed and places them on either side of her own, holding Near’s thighs wide-open. Putting her on display.
“Good girl,” Mello coos. “So fucking wet for me, aren’t you?”
Near’s legs twitch toward each other, but the strategic positioning keeps them spread. Mello’s right hand slowly creeps up the inside of Near’s thigh as her left palms one of Near’s tits again.
“Should I be rougher with her, you think?”
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haemey · 37 minutes ago
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I'm glad it was helpful! I certainly had my own moments of doubt and frustration. It's part of the growth process.
I'm sure you'll see progress soon - just keep at it and try not to worry too much. A little frustration can be a great motivator! Too much and it pivots in the opposite direction.
Chances are you won't even notice your own progress too much, since it's mostly gradual. You see it more in others, because you only get to see snapshots from then, not the whole process, the failures or the stress they carry as well. You see jumps in their progress, because you jump from one point in their progress to the next. You see a crawl in your own because you're there for the entire, arduous, thing.
It's like climbing up a mountain while the people around you are posting photos from the peak. You only get to see the end result, but the truth is, they had to climb just as far.
Which is to say: don't forget to look at your own snapshots. Don't just stare at what you're working on right now, but also look at your previous work. Compare. See how far you've come. I'm sure there is progress there.
Do you have any idea how long it took me before I could bear to listen to my own recordings? And how much longer it was before I didn't cringe everytime I did? Or until I actually managed to listen and go "this one is actually really good, I like how I sound"? Half an eternity. And now, I listen back at them and realise that they actually weren't that bad for the level I was at.
End note: fuck impostor syndrome. The best way to do that is to understand that you would not have made it this far if you didn't have any skill. The people who matter know what you've got. If you have any amount of success, it's because you're good at something. Yes, there's connections and bribery, but if you don't use those and still end up somewhere, it's because you got there on your own. And you deserve to be there. Don't let anyone, especially not yourself, tell you otherwise.
The issue I’m having right now with my art and school in general is that I’m just so woefully mediocre. Like..I’m good enough that when I ask my teachers for help they don’t know what to say, or just say keep doing what I’m doing, or like they don’t want to critique me even though I keep asking for it, but I’m also not good enough that people take note of me. Like no one is pulling me aside and telling me they can help with my portfolio, or that they have extra resources. Always “pretty good” but never eve “excellent” or “exceptional.” I’m not blind, I can see the mistakes on my art, and I know they can see it too.
And I get I need to be the one to seek it out, but it’s disheartening when people around you just have the potential that you currently don’t and get noticed for it. I guess I just need to keep drawing but I feel like I’m running out of time. I’m trying really hard. There’s not enough time in the day for me to be doing more. I just want to be successful, but it’s coming so slowly to me and I’m afraid by the time I’m done with school I won’t have much of anything to show for it
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months ago
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hope you feel better soon!
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I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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2-kamikou-1 · 1 month ago
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ok but no guys seriously how do you ask for reassurance in a way that doesn't make you look like a stupid yandere stereotype
#can't be too casual and be like “hey nothing you did all me but i need some reassurance that you still like me”#because thats like pathologizing or something???#i dont actually know what pathologizing is supposed to mean ive done a lot of research and i cant wrap my head around it still#but it sounds like something someone would say is pathologizing#I can't go in the middle and actually explain it like#“hey you've been kinda dry lately i wanna know if i did something or if you're not feeling well or if it's just me”#cause people HATE that#they'll call it guilt tripping they'll lie to get you to shut up and continue to let resentment build#eventually leading to an explosive falling out#OR you'll make them self conscious of their own actions which i would HATE to be the cause of because this SUCKS#but it also ALSO leads to nasty falling outs where they tell you they need to walk on eggshells around you#which may or may not have been due to levels of their own insecurity but either way itd still be my fault#for saying anything in thr first place#and you DEFINITELY can't be like#“hey i really like you and i want to keep you as a friend so thats why i wanted to ask if ive done anything#because you seem really off lately and i don't want this friendship to end because you mean a lot to me and i swear this isn't a guilt trip#or a one-off if you tell me what's wrong if anything i will work on it i will change it i will do anything to maintain this because your#companionship means so much to me“#because that is what ventures into stereotype territory#and it is also really weird and desperate#HOW DO I STRIKE A BALANCE LIKE THIS#the most central neutral option here seems to be the one with the most bad outcomes#also even though I really would do anything to change im still scared of what people might say if i ask that#and i can't just sit with it either because people pick up on my neuroticism and they don't really like it in friends#i don't need a whole rundown of why people like me as reassurance i really just need a few words like#“oh yeah we're cool you didn't do anything/i have personal stuff going on it's not you/etc”#but in the latter case i don't want my friends to think they have to put their business out there just so i can stop tweaking#and maybe it's bad for me to need the reassurance at all?????? even though i see other people ask about it all the time#but maybe it's different when it's me a lot of things seem to be different when its me#AND THATS NOT COMING FROM A PLACE OF SELF DEPRECIATION it's just a thing ive noticed a lot of things are different when its me compared to
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6mayhem · 3 months ago
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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ruvviks · 4 months ago
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having yancey and stevie from my original story the diner thoughts 💭💭💭
from all the characters of the diner i feel like these two are the most like two puzzle pieces instantly clicking together. just in general the story is very focused on starting over far away from the life you used to know and carrying knowledge with you that you'll never speak about for a variety of reasons (and will remain unspoken of throughout the whole story because you'll never know everything there is to know about a person even if you do end up growing very close to them; this is one of the main themes of the story) but especially yancey and stevie understand this like no one else and that's why they work together so well
from the moment they meet and through the first handful of interactions between them it becomes very clear that they're already very comfortable with each other; they skip the small talk, share cigarettes together in their break behind the diner, know that the other went through some heavy shit and they just kind of immediately offer the other their friendship; a judgment-free zone where they can both be their unfiltered and unmasked selves, no need to keep up appearances because they KNOW they both feel like fucking shit and they allow the other to feel like shit with them
but at the same time they know they can't help each other. which is why all their issues remain untalked about until the end of the story; they can't offer the other the comfort they need and deserve because if they'd try, they know they'd start making mistakes. i've thought briefly about letting them have a romantic relationship instead of yancey ending up with rafiq and teddy, but quickly realized it wouldn't add anything else to the story other than the same cycle of mistakes yancey went through with his ex girlfriend which is specifically the situation he's moving away from. so having a redo of all that with stevie wouldn't tell anything new. they'd make each other worse and end up having to get out of there AGAIN, when the whole point of the story is supposed to be that blightwood crossing ends up as their new home because they MADE it into a home
so instead their friendship is both profoundly strong because of the mutual understanding about each other's issues without even having explained anything about it to the other, as well as kind of stuck on becoming closer than they are on account of how they'll never be able to talk about any of it. they won't ever know about each other's past, they'll never learn what the other was like when they were younger, and when either of them needs to talk about something they know they can't go to the other for it because that's just not possible. but what they CAN do is sit with the other and for a while just be miserable in peace, and they know that no matter how bad it gets they WILL always have each other
something something their misery remains forever their own but no matter how ugly it gets the other will still be there at the end of the day
#personal#like obviously the story is very much also just focused on the fucking diner that ends up like. literally eating people#but the dynamics between all the characters are very important since that's why blightwood crossing ends up becoming their home#all the characters feel some level of alienation to the town and the mimic that is pretending to be the diner is. the main cause of this#but through their friendships and how they stick together and trust each other no matter how strange it all may sound at first#THAT is why no one moves away at the end of it all. when at the beginning of the story everyone is kinda looking for a way to leave#i could honestly also write a whole essay on yancey's ex girlfriend but that kinda defeats the purpose of the story#because i can't really talk about what exactly she did. because that's the unspoken part of yancey's past that's just#not discussed in the book at all. like yeah there's hints towards things but there's no full explanation#everything is left up for own interpretation because at the end of the day you can ask yourself how much of it actually matters#there was an accident there was a breakup there was a funeral. and then a handful of other small details#that are all presented in a non-chronological order to the reader and you're just gonna have to piece something together yourself#who was really at fault? who knows!! yancey believes what happened to him is what he deserves but he's an unreliable narrator#in the sense that circumstances have led him to believe he is fully to blame. in addition to the obviously lost will to live#and then the influence of the mimic in town making everything even worse#anyway hi. original story ramblings from bones it will happen again many times sorry
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oflgtfol · 1 year ago
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girl i fucking hate this subreddit so much
#i need to write my personal feminist manifesto. entirely fuelled by anger after continuously being recommended r/notlikeothergirls#brot posts#honestly im gonna go remove my downvote from the dark green person cuz it sounds like theyre just asking a question#and their Sin is nowhere near as bad as the light green person. by fucking god#also blue i disagree with free the nipple being stupid but otherwise whayever#also vital context. this post was asking why all notlikeothergirls dislike taylor#and thank god most of the comments are rational and saying actually we all hate taylor cuz she pollutes the environment etc etc#this specific comment thread was someone criticizing her for being a white feminist#also vital context light green has been ALL OVER THIS POST staunchly defending taylor even when everyone is rightfully critiquing her#fucking blue literally said white feminism is not when white women are feminists#its a specific brand of feminism that centers white women and is largely vapid and surface level#and then light green comes in and says its misogynist to criticize white women for being feminists#CAN YOU READ. blue said its a BRAND of feminism its not when white women are feminists#GOD. this whole fucking post is pissing me off. this whole fucking subreddit pisses me off#every single post is like a repost of some tiktok or twitter post of a girl being like#here are some weird things that i personally do#and then all the comments are making fun of her for being notlikeothergirls#when she never put ANY other women down and is just having fun and joking about hersef#worst is when shes saying that in a way making fun of her own self#its not a pick me if shes making fun of herself oh my god#and its insane to me that you criticize pick mes and nlogs in the name of feminism#when actually youre just making fun of other women for like. being unique individuals !!!!#oh my GOD
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oldtvandcomics · 1 year ago
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I really would like to say something about Loki Season 2, write some analysis, whatever, but... The whole thing is just making me feel TIRED.
Guys. You can do better than this. I promise, you can do better than this. In terms of general storytelling, but especially where queer representation is concerned. Why did you even think that there would be queer rep in the first place?! For fuck's sake.
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hazmatmaid · 8 months ago
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A simplification:
Level 1-upper 2/lower 3: "yeah i can see that happening."
Level 4: "where did that even come from? that doesn't make any goddamn sense/he would not say that."
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it came to my realization that 99% of my fandom related headaches would be cured if everyone understood this
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waywardsalt · 5 months ago
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finally got around to putting together elden ring builds for the post-ph crew, and tested them out briefly, so here are the builds i came up with and all that! (absolutely a very long post, i had fun explaining a lot of my reasoning)
i'm not going to give them exact stats, just some vague idea of what they'd likely lean towards, and i can't say much to what equip load they have. when i tested these builds out i had 72 endurance. this uses exclusively base-game equipment since i don’t have the dlc and wanted to test these out for myself.
i also don’t use many spells or any incantations so the spell and incantation choices are mostly based on wiki descriptions and whether or not i felt it would fit the character.
some context is that this is with the idea that somehow these four get zapped into the lands between as tarnished, and this is the equipment i think they’d use, disregarding what is needed to access most of this stuff.
i also didn't change my tarnished's appearance for these, not that i think i could accurately replicate these four in elden ring's character creator, anyways, so you get to see my tarnished's face with all of these :)
Link:
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His armor is: the highwayman hood, the blue cloth vest, exile gauntlets, and Carian knight greaves.
There's practically no green armor in this game, and what is there isn't really armor and isn’t exactly good protection. I wanted a bit of a balance between just cloth, but also some armor, as well as a headpiece somewhat like the usual hero's cap. The highwayman's hood works well enough, honestly, and I think it fits in well with the blue cloth vest; plus, I can see it being helpful in keeping dust and whatnot out of his eyes. Blue works well enough with Link nowadays, and I do think the blue cloth vest actually fits Link well enough- I doubt he'd want to wear something like a plate breastplate, so a vest like this is good.
The exile gauntlets I feel work well, they're simple and slim with some decent coverage, and the Carian knight graves not only look great with the blue cloth vest, but are also something that I believe fits Link, and the tall boots are likely decently practical in the same vein as the hood.
His weapons I chose are: The Carian knight's sword, with the pulley bow as a secondary weapon, and the Carian knight's shield in his offhand, with the academy glintstone staff as a secondary.
He obviously had to be the good standard sword-and-shield combo fighter, but I went ahead and gave him with Carian sword and shield partially because they look decently similar to what weapons he normally uses, but also because I enjoy the idea of him dabbling in magic along with typical damage types. The Carian sword does a good bit of magic damage along with standard, and the shield guards again both of those types, and the sword's unique ash of war (Carian Grandeur) is a good mix between swordfighting and magic, and actually really good to use in-game. I feel like they suit him well.
For his secondaries, I had to give him a bow, and I feel like the pulley bow is just right, especially with it's special feature of having increased range. I could see him being the one tasked with deactivating faraway traps and hunting the animals of the Lands Between for materials, and even just luring enemies with some normal arrows.
The academy glintstone staff is a solid staff (and the one I personally use), and him using magic is a good way to translate his usual versatility, though I only limited him to five spells, those being:
Loretta's greatbow, giving him what is technically now a second bow, and a pretty good spell for luring and doing some decent magic damage,
Magma shot, a good, simple fire damage spell,
Glintstone Icecrag, a good ice spell, especially for causing frostbite buildup,
Great glintstone shard, a very basic but reliable spell, and is good when cast a few times in succession,
and Thops' barrier, for deflecting magic attacks, and though I've heard it's a mediocre spell, I could see Link getting the timing down and getting some good usage out of it. I tried giving him a decent range of spells, which is a little bit easier said then done considering the actual spell variety and wanting to pick spell that I think suit Link, but I think this is a good lineup.
For talismans, assuming that all four of them have all four talisman slots open, Link gets the silver scarab, the graven-mass talisman, the erdtree's favor +2, and the companion jar.
The silver scarab, raising item discovery is... perfect for Link. It only feels right that he gets a talisman that makes him more likely to get items off enemies. It definitely works, too, while testing, I got way more items out of the gatefront ruins group than I'd ever seen before.
The graven-mass talisman boosts sorcery power, which is certainly perfect for boosting Link's versatility and magic power, simple and useful.
The erdtree’s favor +2 is just an all-around great talisman to use for the hp, mp, and stamina boost, and it feels perfect as something for Link to use, especially to increase his effectiveness and endurance in battle.
And then the companion jar, which goes hand-in-hand with him also being a pot user to further his versatility, and it’s very easy to see him doing the Jar-Bairn side quest. My choices here disregard how the items are obtained, but I could absolutely see Link going out of his way to interact with Jarburg.
Link’s standard fighter, with a balance between offense and defense and physical and magical damage with a slight leaning towards magical, and the main archer who aims to do more damage with archery, and uses pots when needed. He’s probably the one ‘leading the charge’ in that he’s suited for most situations, but isn’t necessarily the most effective in all-out combat- he is the most defensively oriented, however. He’s likely in the mid-to-light equip range, and likely mostly levels Strength and Intelligence to keep his damage up, and focuses a lot on keeping his Vigor up for a good chunk of health.
Linebeck:
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His armor is: the black knife armor, the gauntlets, and bandit boots.
The black knife armor is the most important part of the set, not just for it being a nice blue, but because it has the unique effect of completely silencing your movement sounds- perfect for steal and getting in a good number of sneak attacks. It’s light, too, and so are the generally standard gauntlets and bandit boots, all put together for a general… blue rogue kind of look? It’s practicality and some looks and all put around the idea that he’s going to be sneaking around and panic-rolling out of the enemy’s way- so his defenses are a bit lacking in favor of mobility. I do think it’s a good look overall.
His weapons are: A bloody antspur rapier with the poison mist ash of war, the redbranch shortbow as a secondary weapon, and the frozen needle in the offhand.
For Linebeck's build, it was either daggers or rapiers, and the extra damage, range, and great designs for the rapier won out- and I think rapiers suit him well. This specific pair of rapiers are oriented around inflicting ailments, with the frozen needle inflicting frostbite, and the antspur rapier- specifically with the poison mist ash of war and blood upgrade- can inflict scarlet rot, bloodloss, and poison with poison mist active. With the blood upgrade, the scarlet rot buildup suffers, but with the speed of rapiers and just how effective scarlet rot can be, it's a decent trade-off for the ability to do four ailments at once. His role in the Radahn fight is to inflict scarlet rot and then run off to snipe him with the redbranch shortbow, which is a simple ranged option, and helps with further ailment inflicting with ailment arrows.
His damage would probably be pretty decent, especially considering inflicting frostbite and his equipped talismans, but he's mostly going to be heading in with everyone and sticking around until proccing an ailment, and then backing off, especially if poison, rot, or frostbite are inflicted. Plus I think dual rapiers look great and it's very easy to see Linebeck using rapiers.
For talismans, he gets the gold scarab, the assassin's crimson dagger, the dagger talisman, and the blessed dew talisman.
The gold scarab boost rune acquisition by 20%. It's perfect. It's one of my favorite talismans. I can't make an Elden Ring build for Linebeck and NOT give him the money-boosting talisman.
The assassin's crimson dagger restores hp upon successful critical hits, and paired with the silencing effect of the black knife armor, is perfect for someone who's more used to sneaking around and taking down enemies from behind- and it's good for topping off your hp.
The dagger talisman boosts critical damage- so then making sneak attacks all the more effective, and even making any critical hits he manages in fights do much more damage.
And then the blessed dew talisman gives you a very minuscule constant hp regen, about 2 hp per second iirc. It’s incredibly slow, but it's hp regen all the same, good for saving flask uses and good for some health regeneration if you back out of the main fight.
Linebeck's got a big focus on stealth and ailments, with just a bit of health regen tossed in with the talismans to help with survivability. his weapons and offhand options are mainly based around ailments, and besides the bow, he tends to use darts and other throwable items, and is often the one to pick off enemies at the edge of a group while the others go in to the handle the main group. With bosses, he's in the front lines until an ailment is inflicted, and will jump back in either if he's really needed, or if ailments are needed again. For longer bosses, or bosses immune to a few ailments, he would probably find moments to jump in and get a bunch of quick hits in, then back out and wait for another opening. Rapiers are pretty good for quick hits considering that I believe you actually get three attacks from a dual-rapier sprint attack. He’d likely have a focus on Dexterity and Arcane, with some Endurance mixed in for that good running and rolling stamina.
Damien:
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His armor is; the sacred crown helm, exile armor, crucible gauntlets, and drake knight greaves.
Picking armor for Damien was a bit of a challenge since he’s still a bit of a work in progress and I usually picture him in generally casual clothes, but I knew I wanted to stick with some red clothing and put together a bit more of a practical sort of outfit. Plus this end result kind of helps me further figure out Damien’s actual design and outfit variations.
I knew I wanted to give him one of the simple footsoldier helmets, and the sacred crown helm won out with the additional detail of the little vine-looking wreath, plus the minor faith boost. It’s a nice little helmet and I think it suits him. The exile armor was considered due to the red cloth around the shoulders, and was properly decided on when I found that the helmet got rid of the cloth covering the bottom half of the face. So it’s a good solid chest piece.
The crucible gauntlets and drake knight greaves work both with color and giving him some more armored extremities, the crucible gauntlets are pretty good heavy armor gauntlets, if the crucible knights themselves are anything to go by, and the drake knight graves seem to have a good bit of practicality with the high boots and armor. It’s all meant to end up somewhere in the medium equip load area, for a balance between defense and speed, and the lighter helmet and chest piece were primarily to even out with the heavier weapons.
The weapons he gets are: the axe of Godrick, the highland axe as a secondary, and the clawmark seal.
The axe of Godrick is a pretty good greataxe with what selection there is, some good damage and a really good ash of war skill with a really good area of effect. It’s fantastic for crowd control when two-handed, and worked pretty well for me when I tested it out without having upgraded it. It’s all in all a great standard axe. The highland axe as a secondary is used partially as a faster one-hand option, and partially for the boost given by its war cry ash of war. The axe of Godrick is almost always what he’d use, but the highland axe is probably better for some specific situations. Damien was always going to end up using axes, and I think these two are pretty good and fitting.
In his other hand is the clawmark seal- scaling with faith and strength and so working well with him relying on strength, and boosting bestial incantations, of which he has one- and he mostly uses support incantations with some minor attack incantations- but he is primarily support, usually backing out of the fight to switch to casting due to usually two-handing the axe of Godrick. He gets six incantations, those being:
Heal, as a very standard heal, mostly just for himself,
Erdtree heal, a heal more intended for group healing,
Golden vow, a group offense and defense buff for a time,
Protection of the erdtree, for increased non-physical defense, which is likely useful for many bosses,
Bestial sling, which is a pretty basic but effective attack incantation, and boosted by the seal he uses, and is probably great in tandem with his axes to break an enemy's poise,
and then Dragonclaw as his final spell, a stronger and closer-up attack spell, likely for individual bosses that are lower on hp.
His offenses are standard and meant to be pretty decent for crowd control and poise-breaking, so his attack spells follow suite, while his support options are based around healing and some basic buffs. I personally do not use buffs or incantations when I play, so I do not know the nuances of a lot of this stuff, but Damien's got a good set of incantations to use.
Damien's set of talismans are the green turtle talisman, the mottled necklace +1, the axe talisman, and the bull-goat's talisman.
The green turtle talisman is a great talisman, simply increasing the speed of stamina regeneration, and it's a fantastic talisman. Very useful with the stamina drained by axe attacks and backing off to cast spells.
The mottled necklace boosts immunity, robustness, and focus, an across-the-board status boost, and I imagine it's useful for being up close with enemies and then staying alive to help with support- even if he doesn't have much in the way of ailment-based support.
The axe talisman is a damage booster, and considering his decent poise, charged attacks are pretty viable for him to be using.
The bull-goat's talisman is standard but very effective in practice (or maybe that's me being used to low poise), as it raises poise, therefore making it harder for you to flinch or be knocked out of an attack. Very helpful with a slower main weapon like the axe of Godrick.
Damien's standard all around, with pretty good damage and likely very helpful with crowd control, usually two-handing the axe for maximum damage and will back off when using incantations. He primarily uses incantations for support, and the offensive incantations are usually saved for bosses or rougher encounters- or sometimes just if he wants to switch things up for fun. He's likely going to focus on Strength and Faith, with some Mind thrown in for most casts.
Bellum:
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His armor is: the altered tree sentinel armor, and the malformed dragon gauntlets and greaves.
Chosen partially for the color and because they're all heavy plate armor; meant to emulate a lot of the phantom designs, and for that yellow color, and I wasn't even aware that the malformed dragon gauntlets had a darker color until I was initially putting this together. Heavy armor fits with a desire to survive in battle, plus I think decent mobility in heavy armor suits Bellum; when I tested this out, I was firmly in medium equip load territory, plus it made for a good bit of poise to go with slower weapons. It wasn't too hard to pick out armor for him.
The weapons I felt suit him are: the blasphemous blade, the Marais executioner's sword, with the gravel stone seal as a secondary.
The blasphemous blade was practically necessary, a greatsword with the bonus effect of hp restoration on enemy death, plus the Taker's Flames skill, which also heals hp when it hits an enemy. This is was made me decide on greatswords over colossal weapons, trying to stick a bit with some ideas from the phantoms, plus the hp-leeching effects, plus it’s a pretty good weapon and I think it originally belonging to Rykard also fits pretty well; it’s Bellum’s main weapon unless he switches to the Marais Executioner’s sword for it’s specific skill. That sword is mostly chosen for it’s skill, as well as it’s origins- those bell-bearing hunters are absolute nightmares to deal with- so the two swords are kind of also picked for a sort of intimidation effect. At least the wriggling flesh on the blasphemous blade does the job well enough if someone doesn’t know the origins (which don’t practically matter). He would likely switch to the executioner’s sword for some boss fights, and its skill can be highly damaging to lone enemies- the focus with these two is on heavy damage and hp regen.
The secondary left hand weapon he has is the gravel stone seal, which boost dragon incantations, and so he only uses offense incantations, with a lot of incantations that cover a wide area and some that inflict ailment buildup. Bellum gets five incantations, all attacks (and all maybe emulating the idea that he’s a monster forced to be human in the lands between lol);
Beast claw, a pretty standard but pretty effective ground-level attack,
Unendurable frenzy, a wide range, fiery madness-inflicting incantation that, while only inflicting madness on a select few enemies (and himself) is likely more than useful for crowds and large enemies,
Rotten breath, a dragon communion incantation that is about what it says on the tin, a dragon’s breath attack that inflicts scarlet rot,
Fortissax’s lightning spear, another dragon incantation that summons a pair of lightning spears, with the damage at it’s best up close,
and Aspects of the crucible: tail, a wide-range crucible incantation, and the most fitting of the crucible incantations, I feel.
He has no issue getting up close to bosses, since he can fall back on the honestly insane hp regen he’s afforded by both his main weapon and some of his talismans.
The talismans Bellum gets are; the taker’s cameo, the dragoncrest greatshield talisman, the pearldrake talisman +2, and the godskin swaddling cloth.
The taker’s token has the same passive effect as the blasphemous blade; hp restoration upon enemy death. The fun part is that the taker’s token and the blasphemous blade’s hp regen effects stack with each other.
The dragoncrest greatshield talisman reduces physical damage by 20%, and the pearldrake talisman +2 reduces non-physical damage by about 11%. Covering just about all defenses with these two talismans.
The godskin swaddling cloth allows for additional minor hp restoration upon landing a certain number of melee hits within a short timeframe. This could be harder with greatswords, but with dual greatswords and jumping right into the action, I don’t imagine it’s at all impossible for the talisman’s effect to never trigger. As always, it’s extra effective with a larger number of enemies.
Bellum’s the main damage-dealer with a focus on staying power and lots of hp regen, using the blasphemous blade for regular battles while switching to the executioner’s sword for bosses due to the more aggressive ash of war. His incantations are more often used for crowd control, but are absolutely effect for boss battles, especially when given time to charge them up. He’s all about staying power and straightforward damage-dealing, with some decent poise to back things up despite his checking piece being altered and his lack of a helmet, and all of his incantations are a bit more bestially-inclined. He'd probably focus on Vigor and Strength, with some Faith or Dexterity thrown in for damage-dealing.
Overall, the idea is that the four of them are in the lands between like this, working and running around together, probably fighting over what bosses to go after next and whether or not to head into the catacombs that one of them just spotted. I could see them taking the time to scour the lands between for every little trinket and discussing whether or not to bother with some character's quest. Not too different from actual post-ph stuff, but it's fun to put them in Elden Ring and think on what kinds of equipment to give them and what would suit them.
#salty talks#elden ring#post-ph#ppl checking out the elden ring tag for normal elden ring stuff disregard this dw abt it i have this tagged for my own organization#of these four linebeck's was the most fun to actually use but its mostly bc its the most similar to my usual build#bellum's was kinda cumbersome but god i hated link's i never want to use a shield i almost died testing out link's#which is fuckin saying something at gatefront ruins at level 218#i didnt test out any of the magic bc. number 1 i have 10 faith. and number two i picked these off fextralife wiki#long post#bellum HAD to use the blasphemous blade its perfect its a big sword that has an hp regen skill and regens hp when you kill something#and has nasty little moving bits of flesh on it. cant see it in the picture ofc but know that in game the red bits wriggle i like it#sorry if the pictures are big btw tbh they look better on mobile#the angle on damien's is awkward bc i wanted to get the whole axe on screen. thats the only reason why his is a little weird#prolly worth mentioning that i didnt alter my stats at all so the 'build' is like the equipment and stuff.#tbh thats probably why my damage with the bellum build suffered bc i have 10 faith and the blasphemous blade scales with faith#anyways listed all equipment and whatnot if anyone wanted the specifics of this stuff#im not great at like. putting together outfits in elden ring i figured out my tarnished's fit early on and stuck with it#theres a very good chance that my own playstyle and experience with the game influenced these like. i do not touch incantations for one#and ive been dual wielding since as soon as i figured it out and got two straight swords#iirc i briefly used rock sling bc you can get that really early but eh#thinking abt it now this also translates pretty well to traditional rpg party roles. standard link with all around decent stats but high#versatility and a lot of options. linebecks more speed and ailment-inflicting based. damien is high standard damage but a much more support#and healing based with a few basic standard damage spells. and bellum is more dedicated offense and defense with a focus on staying power#without any group support or other traits- just high offense high defense#if you wanna know what my tarnished looks like know this is inaccurate bc ive since tweaked her#the hp regen on bellums is wild when i cleared out gatefront like every few seconds id heard the hp steal sound effect it was nuts#no notes on damiens his was was surprisingly easy to get a handle of and is great with crowds#you can probably tell from the way this is written that it took me fucking forever to write up
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spatialwave · 2 months ago
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"my ambition" - part three | the prequel
➸ pairing: jayvik x fem!reader ➸ word count: 4.5k ➸ tags: mdni! minimal nsfw, fluffly, poly relationship, relationship beginnings, blossoming love, s1 act 1, no mention of y/n, alcohol use. ➸ notes: so excited to get this out! had a fun time giving this relationship history and i spent way too much time overthinking whether the ending was too rushed or if it was too self-indulgent... and then i realized its a fic so i get to do what i want LOL! pls let me know if you would like more parts, or if you want some drabbles about this specific trio. i would really appreciate it.🥹
<- part 2
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You had always been academically gifted. Rising to the top of your classes each semester, pushing aside anyone in your way. Especially for a young woman, who had been accepted into the Academy before you had even finished your secondary schooling – a gifted student with the proudest of parents and professors.
Born with an influx of ambition flowing through your veins, knowing from a young age your duties to the world. It took more than wordy false promises to make a difference to Runeterra, it took action. That’s why you vowed to help Zaun.
What better way to take action, than to help those who had been long forgotten about. You were smart enough to see the way the city had been tossed aside, forgotten about, while Piltover only continued to grow and thrive. There was sickness festering underneath, people dying because of the less-than living conditions and poverty that swallowed it whole.
There were many days when you wondered if it was too much, if you, as a topsider, could actually make a difference. Would anyone want your help? The bigger question being – how were you going to help?
Then, you met Viktor. 
That was when your ambition rose higher than ever. A smart, young man a handful of years older than you – a man from Zaun himself. The youngest assistant to the dean, a title that was hard to come by, and rather jealousy inducing.
You’d weaseled your way into his life quite easily, finding him in the halls and striking conversation whenever you could. He was polite, and good at slipping away when your attention became overbearing. You couldn’t help your over-excitement for a scholar from the undercity. Someone who matched your levels of ambition. Someone who was able to teach you about the place that had been nothing more than whispers and off-hand comments by your peers.
You fell in love. Quickly, and hard.
Viktor, too. It was your smile, your innate excitement, the genuine intrigue you had of him and how he was able to share the experiences of chronic illness with someone who wasn’t just a damned doctor – someone who understood the pain. How could he not fall in love?
Viktor found himself appreciating you more and more with each passing day, wondering when you’d sneak through the halls to find him to share your newest revelation.
Wondering when he could be expected to be pulled into a broom closet so you could ravage his lips with your own. He hadn’t been so experienced with romance until you appeared in his life, content with focusing on his studies at the academy. You changed the trajectory of his life—and so had Jayce.
-
”Hextech?” You raised an eyebrow, sitting on a stone bench within the academy courtyard and holding a half-eaten apple in your hand, “I don’t know. Sounds… unstable,” you murmured honestly, looking between Viktor’s eyes as he stood in front of you. You took another bite, the sweet flavour calming you.
You had to admit, as much as you were uncomfortable with this new scientific breakthrough, so to speak, you had never seen Viktor quite this excited about anything.
“Precisely,” Viktor said, eyes practically shimmering as he spoke to you, “that’s why you’re going to help.”
“No way,” you huffed, standing on your feet and waving him away, “you just told me that all the work got confiscated, how the hell would I even help?” You spoke in a hushed whisper, as if Heimerdinger himself was listening in to the conversation.
“Eh, confiscated is a loose term,” he said, taking a step toward you, a gentle hand on your shoulder. You tensed at the touch, turning your head from his gaze and shaking your head adamantly.
You had morals, and perhaps you listened to the dean a bit too much at times. Science was incredible, but ethics were important, and the explosion was proof that it was an unpredictable type of magic. If Heimerdinger made the call that hextech was unsafe, a yordle with decades over your own experiences, then you should listen, no?
“It has the capabilities of helping more than just the city,” he urged, fingers tightening on your shoulder, “Please. Let us show you.”
Those words tugged at your heartstrings, leaving you conflicted as your heart yearned to know more. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes momentarily as your mind reeled at all the possibilities.
The first image to pop in your mind was the proper union of Zaun and Piltover, an incredible feat that no one could ever pull off. No more distinction between the two – just one beautiful place to live. Your dream.
Could hextech really be the key?
“Fine,” you sighed, crinkling your nose and opening your eyes, “but I’m under no obligation to like this Jayce guy, he sounds like he doesn’t know how to properly take care of his research.” You looked up at Viktor through your lashes, watching the way the corners of his lips curved into a small smile, “Why are you smiling like that?”
“Crank it!” Jayce exclaimed from his chair, eyes full of childlike wonder, as Viktor stood at the chalkboard, crossing through equations and murmuring about the research he was still properly acquainting himself with.
You, however, stood next to Jayce, chewing hard on your bottom lip as your partner agreed with his words.
It all seemed fine, plausible, even. Yet, you remained apprehensive.
“And it if it doesn’t stabilize, what then? Part two of the great blue explosion that destroyed your apartment?” You asked, eyes focusing on the man sitting, his honey-coloured eyes shining as they watched you. Your stomach twisted tight, hating the way he made you fill with butterflies.
You knew him for less than twenty-four hours, and he already had you twisted around his fingers. Gods.
It was completely unfair to be caught between them both.
“It’s worth a test,” he was adamant, then a sigh left his lips, “but we don’t have access to my equipment.”
“Which is being destroyed tomorrow,” Viktor murmured, eyes back on the chalkboard and fingers touching his chin as he was lost deep in thought.
You jumped when Jayce stood quickly, the chair he sat on nearly toppling over.
“What?” he asked, panic rising in his throat.
“Oh, yeah,” Viktor cringed, looking over his shoulder at Jayce, “Sorry. I meant to tell you.”
You could sense the way Jayce was teetering on the edge of a breakdown, his breath hitching in his throat as he rambled on about how it was his life work, how they could show the council the equations to show them the proof. There had to be something!
But Viktor was right, proof wasn’t reliable on paper. They needed physical proof. A real test.
“We can’t do it without the crystals. The enforcers took them all, they’re gone,” Jayce ran his hands over his face as he collapsed onto the chair once more, deflated from the situation.
Your hand rested atop his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze, much like Viktor did with you when you were overworked. Jayce flickered his gaze to you, those puppy-like eyes offering a silent ‘thank-you’.
“Mhm,” Viktor hummed, “locked away in Heimerdinger’s lab,” he continued, eyes settling on you.
“No,” you were quick to know where he was going with this, “Count me out, we are not breaking in.”
“She’s right,” Jayce said, eyes widening, “you heard the council, if we’re wrong–”
“Better be right then,” Viktor interrupted, and Jayce’s eyes sparkled with possibility.
You felt a tightness in your chest, shaking your head as you took a step back. The two of them spoke back and forth, but you hadn’t been listening. Just as you reached the boiling point, you turned on your heels and took a step away, but Jayce was quick to turn his attention back to you. He stepped forward, hand grabbing your wrist, and you felt your heart jump up into your throat.
“Stay,” he pleaded, hand tightening.
You huffed a loud sigh through your nostrils, brows creasing together and lifting. Gods, why did he have to be so goddamned charming? You hardly noticed the curious look that Viktor gave you two before rolling his eyes and turning back to the chalkboard. The smirk on his lips well hidden.
“Fine!” You snapped, pulling your arm from his grip, “but if we get caught I’m telling everyone that you two made me do it. I am not taking the fall for this.”
Jayce grinned, a toothy smile that lit your cheeks aflame, “Deal.”
You stayed a few feet behind the two men, arms crossed over your chest, as you careened through the halls quietly. You were hardly a rule breaker, in fact, usually a stickler for keeping peace. It was in your nature, like many topsiders.
When the three of you reached the door, you felt panic rising as footsteps echoed down the hall from where you had just come from.
“Shit,” Jayce whispered, “hurry.”
Viktor was fiddling with the keys, fingers filtering through them until he found the one for Heimerdinger’s lab. With practiced ease, he slipped the key into the door lock, twisting back and forth until it clicked.
Both you and Jayce were standing side-by-side, watching a flashlight in the distance, pointing in your direction, but too far to pick up on the three figures breaking in.
Viktor opened the door, and they stepped inside, but you were frozen. Unable to tear your gaze away from the enforcer that had been doing patrols and walking right toward you.
“Ah!” You gasped when there was a harsh tug on your arm, stumbling into the laboratory and crashing against Jayce’s chest. Viktor closed the door behind you without even the slightest creaking – a perfectly silent entrance.
“You've never broken a rule in your life, have you?” Jayce smiled, eyes watching you with curiosity as you pulled away from him yet again. You opened your mouth to answer but Viktor cut you off.
“She is a law-abiding citizen,” he answered, supporting himself on his cane as he walked further into the lab, looking around for the confiscated equipment.
“Can you guys keep it down? They’ll hear us.” You whispered, pushing past Jayce. Annoyed, and thankful the redness on your cheeks wasn’t visible in the darkened room.
“Huh,” Jayce grinned in response to Viktor, walking behind you as he looked around the lab, “you’re not kidding.”
“Shut up.” You hissed.
Settling in the lab, you stood off to the side, peering at some of Heimerdinger’s books as Jayce scrambled to find the pieces of his work. You listened to the sounds of the electrical whirring as he welded the parts back together, lost in thought as your fingers traced over the spine of a book.
A hand lifted to the small of your back, startling you for a moment.
“Sorry,” Viktor murmured, eyes watching you.
“It’s okay,” you chuckled, smiling as you leaned against him. Silence grew between you two as you slowly dropped your hand from the bookcase. You glanced at Viktor, biting down on the inside of your lip in habit, “Do you think hextech really has the strength to help people? Like us?”
Those honey-eyes softened as they flickered over your nervous expression, and he nodded, “I do.”
With a deep inhale, you tried to let go of your apprehension to the situation. This was for the best. If you wanted to reach your dreams, you had to run over a few toes, right?
“It’s all here,” Jayce called from his spot at the table, pulling the goggles off of his face and turning to look over at you two.
Viktor held up a blue hextech crystal to you, one from the handful that was confiscated, and when you offered him a questionable look, he insisted with the forward movement of his hand. Slowly, you reached out and took it in your fingers, feeling the rigid orb press against your skin.
This was it.
You pressed a kiss to his cheek before making your way to Jayce, who had been looking at you two with a small smile.
“Here,” you said, offering the crystal with an open palm as you stood next to him, Viktor coming up beside you.
Jayce reached out, taking the crystal, but not without a lingering touch to your hand. Viktor took notice, a sparkle in his eyes that you hadn’t noticed as you watched in curiosity as the hextech crystal was placed into the machinery.
It glowed a bright blue hue, sparks from the crystal illuminating the room. You had never seen anything so beautiful.
“It’s time to crank it!” Viktor said excitedly as he snapped close one of Jayce’s notebooks he had spent time looking through the past few days, looking in front of you and toward Jayce.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” He asked, growing uncertain as Viktor sucked back a breath and shook his head.
“Do it,” you interjected, eyes wide as you stared at the beauty of the hextech. The inner scientist in you couldn’t be tamed any longer, you needed to see what this could do. It was almost addicting, and you couldn’t look away. It had sucked you in completely, “you have to try.”
They shared a look between each other, swallowing lumps down their throats. Viktor leaned forward, pressing the button of the machine, and it began to spin. It gained enough speed that it created a constant blow of wind that pushed your hair back wildly – electric currents flying wildly.
“I don’t think it’s going to hold!” Jayce said loudly, the electrical crackling of the machine deafening all other noses, “look at the buildup!”
“The resonance will stabilize it, trust me,” Viktor returned, sharing a thoughtful look with Jayce, an attempt to calm him.
You, however, were unable to look away. You stared at the wild glows of blue, a smile on your face, and blissfully unaware of the enforcers that were making their way up to the laboratory after seeing the blue light shining from the windows of the lab.
Moments later, the chaos settled, and you gasped with a big smile, hands slamming on the tabletop, “this is incredible!” You exclaimed in awe, watching as it stabilized.
Viktor smiled to himself, his hand finding your back yet again, “told you it would work,” he said encouragingly, eyes flickering to Jayce, “all yours.”
“It’s never done that before,” he murmured to himself, unable to tear his gaze from the slowly spinning crystal that sent waves of electricity to the surrounding runes, “...alright. Here we go.”
Hesitantly, he reached to the button Viktor had pressed, twisting the knob several times, so the surrounding runes began to spin and orbit the crystal.
You watched expectantly as Jayce twisted it over and over, creating different pathways for the crystal to spark energy. You couldn’t help but lean closer, even when the out flowing electricity stung your cheeks.
What the three of you hadn’t expected was a surge of energy to blast out, nearly toppling you all and breaking the lab’s windows. Within the impact, you fell right into Jayce with a yelp. Strong arms wrapped around you as he reached for the knob, and you clung to him, face buried into his chest.
The energy was strong, and for a moment you prepared for the untimely death of three scientists who just wanted to change lives. How fitting.
Then, the glass from the window flew back into place, as though time around you reversed, causing a brief moment of respite and enough time for Jayce to push forward and slam his hand on the button. The crystal fell back into place, and you were all able to breathe.
Slowly, you peeled yourself away from Jayce, feeling around your face and body to make sure your body was still completely intact.
“Incredible,” Viktor beamed, smiling, “we need to try again.”
You and Jayce shared a look, silently agreeing that it was now or never. And for you, there was no more backing out.
This time, you took a few steps back, not wanting to be caught up in the aftermath of a worse explosion, but still curious enough to peek over their shoulders. As you settled back, you swore you heard sounds coming from the hallway, but it was hard to tell over the crackling sounds of the hextech.
Pressing your ear against the door, you closed your eyes to focus, and you gasped.
“Someone’s coming,” you told them, hands holding the doorknob tight, “you better hurry.”
Viktor took a few steps to the door, sliding his cane through the handles of the door so it was snug, “better than nothing.”
The two of you shared a startled gasp, the rattling of the door loud when the enforcers reached the door and began to hit it with force, kicking and yelling for you to open up. Heimerdinger was with them.
“Stop this lunacy at once!” He called from beyond the door, and your gut twisted in guilt.
A few more heavy kicks and the door creaked.
“They’re almost through,” Viktor said, turning around back to Jayce’s side, “no pressure.”
“That sounds like pressure!” Jayce yelled, working hard to synchronize the runes with the knob. He looked over his shoulder at you, who was now pressing against the door with your weight. With each kick of the door, you huffed, doing your best to keep them from pushing it in.
A rather heavy kick caused you to stumble, but you got right back to it, watching over your shoulder as Jayce closed his eyes and focused on the hextech. 
Your attention was pulled back to the door when the cane cracked, and you tried to push against the door, but it was no use. One more kick and you’d be goners.
But the hextech won.
The sound of another surge pushed you against the door, and you panicked at the intensity that felt like it was going to crush you, and then suddenly… you were weightless. You turned to Jayce and Viktor, eyes wide, as you all had begun to float up into the air.
After one more kick, they broke inside, but the surge reached them, too. They stumbled back, while you had started laughing.
It was incredible, absolutely incredible.
“Excuse me, underfoot,” Heimerdinger spoke, pushing past the enforcer and stepping inside his lab, gasping when his eyes landed on you three.
You were nearly touching the ceiling, floating with your belly to the ground and caught slowly spinning between Jayce and Viktor. Your giggles erupted into a fit of laughter, unable to control it as you twisted around in the air. 
Jayce flicked a piece of metal, where it floated through a glowing blue orb that was just above you, and it shot out right at Viktor. You collectively gasped, taking everything in.
This was magic and science blurred together, a medley of perfection. Hextech worked. You did it!
“Will you please stop hovering?” Heimerdinger spoke, looking up as you spun your body around, touching and prodding at debris.
It was like swimming, you were able to push yourself, and you accidentally collided against Jayce, the two of you sharing a laugh. You couldn’t quite place it, but as your eyes caught his, you felt something – like a mutual intrigue of each other. Was attraction too strong of a word? Your cheeks reddened, matching his own, then he cleared his throat and turned his gaze away.
“I’m not sure how to do that, sir,” Viktor finally responded, pushing toward you both and smiling as the three of you moved around together smoothly, not touching. Floating. Feeling free.
Like all things in life, it didn’t last. The surged power of the hextech settled, and thankfully it was a smooth descend that kept you three from any broken bones.
Viktor had been wrangled by Heimerdinger, only after a good verbal lashing that included you and Jayce. Blabbering about the rules, ethics and how dangerous this was. At the end, your partner had been whisked away for damage control, trying to explain everything and to keep any of you three from penalties and punishments.
It left you and Jayce to clean up, gathering everything together into the back area of the lab, still in awe over everything that had happened.
Once finished, you stepped out into the brisk night air first, somehow still chipper enough to bounce down the steps while Jayce hustled behind you. You hadn’t been so inclined to do goodbyes, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist, much like earlier. It sent a shiver up your arm.
“Wait,” he said, and you faced him, battling the redness that crept up your neck as you tried to remain composed, “will you stay?” he asked, grip loosening on your wrist, “to help us, I mean.”
“With the hextech? Of course,” you answered, rolling your eyes playfully, “Who in their right mind would see that and not want to explore it? That was incredible, Jayce. You should be really proud of yourself.”
A smile lifted at the corners of his cheeks, the compliment doing wonders to the insecurities that lie deep within him.
“Wanted to make sure,” he eventually said, dropping your wrist as you both ventured away and into Piltover, toward your homes, “I like you. Well, I mean – you’re good to have around. Smart, you know.”
A giggle bubbled up, a hand lifting to your mouth to try to stifle it, “you’re a dork, just like Viktor.”
Jayce smiled at you, biting down on his bottom lip as the two of you ventured down the streets together, “how long have you two been together?”
The question was quick to fluster you as you met Jayce’s curious gaze. You wondered if the question accidentally slipped out, and you could ignore it, but you could tell he was waiting for an answer.
“Oh, uh, just a couple of months. Officially.” You answered shyly, hands clasped behind your back as you walked side-by-side.
“That’s nice,” he murmured, “...so, has he always been so absurdly intense about science? Don’t get me wrong, I like everything about his ambitions, he’s a great guy for even wanting to help me. He’s just—“
“Surprisingly eccentric?” You laughed, nodding, “when he gets excited about something, it’s like his brain goes haywire. I suppose that’s the way of being an ambitious innovator”
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Jayce smiled, quietly admiring you in the moonlight. Studying and memorizing everything he could.
The two of you ended up walking around aimlessly, indulging in small chatter as you shared your hopes and dreams. You shared nearly everything you could about your life, and he told his story about him and his mother, and how that sparked his discovery towards hextech. It was easy to talk to Jayce, to get lost in his voice – he was just so damned kind.
Nearly an hour passed when you finally approached your apartment, which was rather close to the Academy. The two of you had simply taken a few detours around the neighbouring streets.
“Trust me, if you want to get on the dean’s good side, then you need to…” your voice drifted off when your eyes settled on a certain individual sitting outside on a stone bench. Broken cane in his hand and looking up at the sky. “Viktor!” You called out, rushing ahead, “if I had known you were coming back to mine, I would’ve hurried back.”
He turned to look at you two, raising a curious eyebrow and smirking as Jayce slowed his pace behind you, “I have only been here a few minutes, it’s all right.”
You dug around for your keys in your pocket, walking up to him and outstretching an arm for support as he stood. He could walk relatively okay without his cane, but you still enjoyed the way he would lean on you. It became habitual between you two.
“I should leave you both to it,” Jayce cleared his throat, giving an awkward wave as you two ventured toward the apartment.
“Why don’t you come in?” Viktor asked, motioning for him to follow.
You looked up at him in interest, figuring the two of you would be falling asleep the moment you got inside. Nonetheless, you went along with it.
“No, no, it’s late. I don’t want to overstay–”
“Come inside, Jayce. We don’t bite.”
Viktor was convincing enough, or perhaps Jayce had too much of a soft spot for him because he was quick to accept the invitation.
It ended up being a great night, the three of you crowding around your kitchen table. Drinking some nicely aged wine you had hidden away for only the most important occasions. You celebrated your shared success and discussed everything hextech, the possibilities and what you hoped it would provide. You shared laughs, especially as the night went on, and you had all begun to feel a bit delirious at times as the sun began lighting the sky above the horizon and the wine settled in your stomachs.
“Well, I hate to be the one to end the night,” you smiled, sleep beginning to win its war over you, “I’m tired and sore, I should get some sleep.”
“Yeah, I should get back to mine, or, what’s left of it,” Jayce agreed with a dampened chuckle, eyes flickering out of the window to gauge the time with the colour of the skyline.
“Why don’t you stay the night?” The question fell from your lips much too quickly, unsure if it was your overt politeness or an underlying desire that lead it, “if you’re okay with that.” You shot your gaze to Viktor.
It felt like hours, but the few seconds you took to share a look said lots. A silent agreement about your shared feelings for Jayce.
“Sure,” he answered. A shy smile tugged at your lips, and your lover turned back to Jayce.
The man seemed a bit uncertain, and maybe a bit too tipsy to understand the looks thrown at him. His amber eyes jumped between you two, “I’ve intruded far too mu–”
“Stay.” Your voice mixed with Viktor’s almost too perfectly, in complete synchronization.
“Okay.”
The night became a blur. It was Viktor who had led you both to the bedroom, the wine clouding all judgment from the three parties and allowing you to just be. To indulge in each other without wondering what would come next. To allow yourselves to act on attraction and lust with nothing holding you back.
“I’m glad you stayed,” you murmured, lips lingering along the stubble on Jayce’s jawline. Viktor, who was behind you, peppered kisses along your bare shoulders.
“Me too,” Jayce breathed in response, hands careening your naked body and intertwining with Viktor’s fingers with they met over your hip.
“Let’s stop talking,” Viktor mumbled with a quick nip at your skin, the confidence in his voice sending a shiver down your spine.
Jayce wasn’t quite certain how he managed to be wrangled in by you both, but he wasn’t going to complain. Not when, for once, everything felt right.
1K notes · View notes
aliteralsemicolon · 8 months ago
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We can't be friends, but I'd like to just pretend
Part 1 of We can't be friends (wait for your love) | See part 2 | See part 3
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You and Spencer have convinced yourselves that you’re only meant to be friends despite the strong tension between you two. It only seems to intensify the longer you ignore it, eventually reaching its boiling point and forcing changes in the friendship.
Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader
(but no mentions of pronouns in this so it can be read as gn)
DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but it’s intended for mature audiences only. You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read.
WARNING Mentions of: Indirect peer pressure, alcohol/drinking/being drunk, very slight implicated SA (it doesn’t happen), serial killer, kidnapping, torture, murder, stalking, and threats. It’s all barely there and doesn’t really matter to the story tbh. Proceed at your own risk.
Word count: 9.3K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.
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Being in love is hard. Being in love with your best friend is harder. It’s a merciless form of torture really, devoting yourself entirely to the person you hold dearest to your heart, but they aren’t yours. It was almost masochistic, standing by to serve him in whatever way you thought he needed. Luckily, you weren’t a masochist. 
Not entirely, at least. 
You were there for him when he needed, offering whatever you had to give, but there were parts of you that you kept guarded. To protect yourself, but more importantly, to protect Spencer. It wasn’t uncommon for you to hear that you were ‘too much’ from passing lovers in your life. A certain level of detachment was necessary to ensure the safety of Spencer’s friendship. He was the most important person in your life. 
Maybe it was the multitude of degrees as a result of his intelligence. He never let you feel stupid or any less intelligent. 
Maybe it was the way his whole body lit up when he shared information he’d stored in that beautiful mind.
Maybe it was the charm in how goofily he carried himself. The way his hands would flail around when he spoke to keep up with the speed his brain moved at. 
Or maybe it was how he made you feel seen. 
How he always knew what to say, what to do. How he remembered little details about you, like how you preferred the window seat on the jet. And how he went out of his way to accommodate the details, like giving up the window seat just so you could sit in it. He was an unusually thoughtful man, with everybody he knew. 
That’s something you had to remind yourself of often. 
He’s like that with everybody. He has an eidetic memory, of course he remembers the little details. 
If only you knew how wrong you were. Spencer was a thoughtful man, there was no doubt about that. Sure he was gifted with an arguably incomparable memory, but unlike all the things he had no choice in remembering, he chose to remember the little details about you. To him you were the closest thing to a real life angel. 
It was the way you were the only person he’d ever met, willing to sit there and listen to him talk for hours. You’d go out of your way to show interest in the things he’d share, even if you didn’t actually have any interest in it.
The way he could swear he saw stars in your eyes whenever he stole an opportunity to stare into them. They would burn brighter if accompanied with the sweet sound of your laughter. 
He felt compelled to accommodate you. Especially when you light up the way you do from such minuscule actions on his part. Spencer loved being the person to bring out your smile, taking any excuse to try and coax one out of you. Even if he’d slightly inconvenience himself at times. His convenience mattered little to him because he knew how much you did for him too. 
Every morning before work you’d make the trip to his favourite coffee shop, getting him scones and coffee exactly to his liking because you knew he had a tendency to skip breakfast. His favourite coffee shop was a fifteen minute drive from your apartment and an extra twenty from Headquarters. You went out of your way to deliver it to him, even reheating the coffee yourself before handing it over. 
Spencer wasn’t alone in recognising your generosity. The entire sixth floor had noticed how both of you subconsciously performed acts of service for each other, even if nobody had brought it up to your faces. 
“I know that look.” Rossi remarks, turning his head towards his raven haired co-worker, eyes on you and Spencer.
“Yea..I just wonder if they know.” Emily mirrors his actions as she gives her own comment on the sight just a few feet in front of her. 
Neither of you realise you have spectators observing your conversation. You’re in your own little bubble at Spencer’s desk, the resident genius seated comfortably with his gaze on you as he speaks. Your focus is entirely on the man across from you, leaning in slightly, perched on the wooden surface. 
“Because stomach acid in the human body is typically 1-2 on the PH scale, it’s capable of dissolving metals such as certain types of stainless steels. Razors for example! The Gastrointestinal Endoscopy journal shared that scientists found that the thickened back of a single-edged blade dissolved just two hours of immersion in stomach acid!” His voice went up a pitch as he spoke and you couldn’t help but smile.
“So theoretically, an unsub could use a razor blade as a murder weapon and potentially eat it to dispose of it?” It was a relatively dumb question, but you just wanted to keep him talking. 
“Well, it’s possible, but realistically I don’t think a razor blade-” 
“Sorry to interrupt my younglings,” A colourful Garcia appears in your bubble and cuts Spencer off, “but I am here to let you know that the team will be going out for drinks, on Rossi, tonight! No exceptions!!”
When your head swivels to Garcia, you also notice the gawking pair not far behind her, shuffling off when they realise they’ve been caught staring. 
“I’ll come, but I won’t be drinking.” Spencer says with an awkward smile. They shift their sights on you for your response. 
“Sorry guys…I already have plans for tonight.” You purse your lips together apologetically. 
“What no! No, no, no! You know how rare these nights can be!” Garcia frowns and grabs your shoulders pleadingly.
“I knowwww…I’m sorry!!”
“Fine, fine, but at least share what’s keeping you busy tonight?” The blonde pokes.
You shift your eyes to Spencer, who’s just staring at you with a curious look and then back to Garcia. 
“Well I have a date-” You begin, but are interrupted by a whispered squeal.
Garcia begins a response, but stops herself when she spots a nonchalant Derek Morgan heading towards the elevators. “We will discuss this in detail during Saturday’s girls night. For now I will accept your excuse and remind you to dress your sexiest! Now excuse me while I go and intercept my sweet chocolate thunder.”
She grips you in a tight hug and scurries off after Morgan. The atmosphere shifts slightly, as you meet Spencer’s eyes awkwardly. 
“You have a date? Why didn’t you mention that” Spencer titters.
“I’m sorry, it just didn’t occur to me.” You try to lie, but Spencer’s expression gives away that he doesn’t believe you. “Okay, okay, I just didn’t wanna say anything because the last time I talked about one of my dates you got all weird and I didn’t want to upset you again.”
“Upset me? I was not upset.” He protests and folds his arms across his chest. 
“Okay what would you call it then?” 
“I wouldn’t call it anything.” 
“Oh really? So you’re not upset that I’m going on a date?”
“Nope. Not at all. I’m interested actually, tell me about him.”
You eye him carefully, trying to figure out where his head is at. Spencer has a tendency to get sassy when he feels defensive. 
“You’re interested? To hear about one of my dates?” You question with playful caution. 
“Yes. I’m always interested in things about you.” He spills. 
Your reaction to his words is immediate, a surprised jump in your features, but you manage to mask it almost just as fast. Spencer’s just as surprised as you. 
“I-I just mean- you know? Because yo-you’re my best friend.” He tries to play it off. 
There’s no way. 
You think to yourself. Spencer definitely didn’t mean it in that way. 
No he definitely didn’t. He just said so himself. You’re his best friend. Spencer Reid does not feel the same way about you.
It stings to admit to yourself, but it’s for the best. Spencer is a smart, handsome, wonderful man with so much to offer. You’re too much work, come with too much baggage, just too much.
“Yea, we’re best friends.” An affirmation more for yourself than him. 
A silence looms as you stare at each other stiffly. 
“Anyways, my date,” you decide not to linger on it for too long, “it’s with that guy I told you about, Nathan.”
“Nathan? Didn’t you go on a date with him last time?” A casual inquiry. 
“Yea!” You squeak enthusiastically, grateful that he had reverted back to his light-hearted self. 
This was something you deeply enjoyed about your friendship. The fact the two of you could flow back into casual conversation no matter what.
“So it’s a second date?”
“Yes! The first one went really well, so I thought why not agree to a second when he asked?”
“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” 
His approval should feel better than it does. For some reason, it makes you uneasy. Almost as if you don’t want him to approve. 
He has approved though, meaning he isn’t against you dating other people. He doesn’t want you the same way.
“Really?” You want to be sure, scared that you might put him off again.
“Yes! Really! If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.” A fib that you were unaware of. 
In truth, Spencer would rather crawl on the office bathroom floor than see you with some other guy. Fortunately for him, he isn’t actually going to be there to see you with this ‘Nathan’. So he doesn’t need to submit to such an awful torture. Maybe he’s being dramatic, you aren’t his girlfriend. He has no right to feel such a heavy drop in his gut. 
Part of him really is happy for you. He wanted you to feel loved, even if it wasn’t by him. God, how he wished it was by him. If friendship is what he has to settle for to be near you, then so be it. Though at times it feels like it might kill him, you being the closest person in his life, but not close enough to the point where he could call himself yours. 
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“REID!”
Spencer jumps at the sound of Morgan’s voice, finding it difficult to focus on his current surroundings. He missed half the team scattering around to different parts of the bar, Morgan now his only company. 
“What’s up?” His expression shifts to a tight-lipped smile.
“Where’s your head at man?” Derek probes.
“What do you mean?” 
“I mean I have never seen you this zoned out before. You haven’t checked back in since you sat down.” 
It wasn’t intentional, but since you walked out the doors of the BAU all Spencer’s been able to think about was your date. You probably went straight home to get ready, pulling out all the stops to feel as beautiful as you are. For somebody that can never truly appreciate it, not like he can. 
“I guess I’m just not feeling well.” A pathetic excuse. One Spencer finds himself making whenever he’s pulled out of his thoughts about you. 
Morgan doesn’t believe him. Hell, Spencer doesn’t even believe himself. 
“Kid. You know you can always talk to me right? About anything.” 
“I know. I’m really just tired. Actually- you know what, c-could- could you just tell the others that I’m just not feeling great, I’m- bye Derek.” Spencer stutters as he rushes out of his seat. 
He doesn’t even give the man a chance to respond as he makes his exit out of the bar. He’s lacking the capability to force himself to socialise. The knowledge of you on a date with another man was something he’s been able to handle, but a second date with a man was harder to stomach. You must like him if you’re willing to see him again. 
The ride home feels longer than it actually is. How far had the date gotten? Were you enjoying it? Did Nathan make you laugh the way he could? Spencer might lose his mind. He wondered if you had given Nathan the privilege of touching you. Your skin always looked so soft, his heart panged at the thought. He felt sick. 
You were his best friend. You trusted him. He shouldn’t think this way about you, feel this way about you. Unreciprocated feelings were something Spencer was entirely used to. He’d perfected being able to put the person at the receiving end of his affections in the back of his mind. To ignore until it went away entirely.
Why was it so much harder this time? There is no universe in which you would ever return his love for you. Which is why he needs to force himself to love you from afar. It was a fact Spencer reminded himself of repeatedly. And he would’ve kept at it, if he wasn’t interrupted by the sight of you standing in front of his door as he stepped up his apartment stairs. 
“Hi!” His voice alerts you softly.
“Hi!” You squeak back, turning on your heel to face him. 
He can’t help but note how heavenly you look. It almost knocked the air out of his lungs, except he noticed the poorly wiped tears glistening on your face. He didn’t ask about it, immediately. Instead he just pulled you in for a hug, something he rarely did with others, and unlocked his door as he motioned for you to enter first. Another thing to love about Spencer Reid. 
You step inside, more than familiar with the deep green walls surrounding you. If the stench of liquor wasn’t enough, then the way you stumbled on your way to his couch was all Spencer needed to deduce that you had been drinking. A lot. He walks past you towards his kitchen, returning with a glass of water and painkillers you would definitely need later. 
“Have you eaten?” He asks softly, handing you the glass of water. 
“Um..” you take a sip and pause as you sigh, “yeah.”
The two of you just sit there, silently, stealing small glances at each other and averting your gazes before the other can notice. You know he’s waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to speak first. Except you don’t know what to say. You feel so embarrassed. He probably had better plans for tonight, but here you are, pestering him again. 
“How long were you waiting?” He speaks up once he realises that you aren’t going to.
“Not long, I had actually just gotten there, your timing was really good.” You mumble, forcing an awkward chuckle. 
“Did Nathan drop you off?” Spencer hopes that bringing up your date might give you enough courage to vent. 
“No. No, I walked.” A resigned smile creeps on your face, not wanting to talk about your journey here. “How was your night?”
“Walked?? Alone?? Drunk??” The words seep out of him before he can hold his tongue. “Why didn’t you call me?!”
“I’m sorry! I just didn’t want to bother you!” You defend. 
But you are bothering him. You’re bothering him right now.
You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to hold back tears. Guilt creeps inside him. He knows that he’s not the source of your tears, but he didn’t want to make you cry regardless. 
“Hey, it’s okay,” he takes hold of your hand and squeezes ever so gently, “we don’t have to talk about it.”
“Why don’t we play chess? You’re getting better at it, you know?” He adds, thinking of a quick distraction. 
Chess was a favourite pastime of yours with Spencer. You pull your hand out of his grip and use it to rub the opposing arm, his touch overwhelming you. He was too soft with you. You suppose it’s why you seek him out so often. Out of all the men you’ve ever known, Spencer was the only one who knew you. It felt so nice to be known. 
“Y-yea..yes. Please. Let’s uh- let’s play chess.” You stumble on your words, eager to think about anything else. 
Spencer retrieves his mini chess board from his satchel and prepares the board between the two of you. Neither of you utter a word as you play your moves. You appreciate the silence, because you know that you can’t say or do the wrong thing. 
“You’re going easy on me.” You break the silence anyway, scared that the silence might bore him. 
“You’re holding back.” He argues and you finally meet his eyes for the first time since you started the game.
“No, I’m just drunk.” You counter.
“I was the one at a bar but you’re the one who’s drunk.” It’s a stupid comment, slightly cringy even, but he earns a genuine laugh out of you. 
His dorkiness was part of his charm. Your laughter makes him smile. A comfortable silence fills the atmosphere as your eyes meet again. Spencer’s eyes were so beautiful, you could drown in them. Spencer in general was so beautiful, in every way possible. 
“It’s your move.” He has to remind you, worried that if he’s allowed to look at you for two long he might do something really stupid.
“I-uhm- I had a shitty date.” You owe him an explanation for ruining his night.
He doesn’t respond, not wanting to say anything that might make you close up again. He wanted to be the person you talked to about your problems. He wanted to be your solace. 
“It started really well. I thought I could see something more, but it turns out he just wanted the same thing as all the others. Thought that maybe if he got me drunk enough..but it obviously didn’t work” You try to lighten the weight of your words by laughing with them. “It’s probably for the best, you know? I don’t think it would’ve worked out regardless, I couldn’t stop-”
Stop comparing him to you. 
Normally, Spencer is the one with the tendency to ramble, but the alcohol wasn’t making it easy for you to shut up. You just hope he doesn’t realise where you were headed with that statement. You kept comparing your date to Spencer. Everything Nathan did today was a direct reminder of things Spencer would never do. 
“Check.” You choose to stop making a fool of yourself there.
Spencer’s breath hitches. Not because he picked up on what you hoped he didn’t, rather because he was concerned by the possible implications of what you said.
“Did he..did he try to-” 
“No. Oh my God, no!” You cut him off before he can finish the thought. 
His shoulders relax and the silence resumes. For the first time since he met you, Spencer found himself speechless. He didn’t know whether to comfort you or give you advice. Part of him felt selfishly relieved, at least he didn’t have to worry about some other guy anymore. The other part, the part that felt disgusted with himself for even thinking about himself right now, felt a mixed range of hurt for you. 
It started with resentment for the negligence Nathan displayed with you and ended with sorrow for how easily you brushed off your hurt. While he ran all the possibilities of the best thing to say, you ran all the possibilities of leaving his apartment in the least inconvenient way for him, interpreting his silence as irritation. 
He should be irritated, you’re disrupting his night. 
You need to leave before he can tell you to. Just as you’re about to mutter some bull-shit excuse, Spencer gently cups your hand with both of his hands and locks eyes with you. His voice is so painstakingly gentle, your breath gets stuck in your throat.
“Nathan and anyone else who has ever allowed themselves to be blinded by their shallow urges is an absolute fool. Idiot. Moron. There aren’t enough words in the English dictionary to describe how stupid they are for missing out on knowing you as you are. I’ve experienced a lot of good things in my life, none have ever brought me as much joy as you do. I can’t even begin to explain how deserving you are of love and it’s heartbreaking to see that you’ve convinced yourself of the opposite.”
It’s your turn to be speechless. Of the list of things you didn’t expect, this wasn’t even on the list. You should have expected it. It was in Spencer’s nature to prove you wrong for underestimating his tenderness. He felt perhaps he went too far. Said too much.
“I-I just mean-” 
“Why are you so nice to me?” Your heart feels like it’s lacking space inside your chest, tears threaten to build. 
“Because you’re my f-friend.” He struggles to utter the last word.
“Friend..” You nervously laugh.
The meaning behind his words don’t register in your drunken state. All your focus is diverted to the feeling of his calloused skin on yours. The liquor in your veins awakens dazed boldness. One you’d be too wary of displaying otherwise. You allow your fingers to dance against his, an act of intimacy not reserved for friends. He doesn’t stop you either. 
“You know…” 
it’s almost not even a whisper, 
“...if I wasn’t who I am…” 
but Spencer was an expert in tuning out everything else to focus solely on your voice,
“...maybe you could love me the way I love you.”
And the world, as Spencer knows it, stops. Your words ring in his ears and he’s sure his heartbeat has become audible. 
“Y-you love me?” He repeats, unable to suppress his need to hear those words again.
The validity of your confession doesn’t bear any weight until you hear it from him, your motions against his hand coming to an immediate stop. You shift line of sight to his face faster than you can blink, waiting for his reaction so you can scramble to save your friendship. 
Parroting your words wasn’t enough, Spencer couldn’t believe it. He had never considered it feasible for you to love him. He had spent so many sleepless nights tormenting himself over the fact. He wanted so badly to cup your face and tell you about all the thoughts of you that consumed his mind. To say those three words back. 
“You can’t love me.” Instead he said four words that strained your hope for salvation. He’d shoot himself if he had any realisation of what he had just done. 
“No, of-of c-course, I meant like an- a- amazing fr-friend. You k-know, like the kind of bes-best friend you only mean once in your lif-life.” And you unknowingly shattered that hope in him. 
Silence has never been more deafening. Neither of you can look away from each other. There’s so much to say but how can it be said now? 
“Right. No, yeah. Of course.” He forces out. 
A fake understanding between you two. The expressions canvassing both of your faces display anything but understanding. Though you’re no longer physically touching, you’re still holding each other in your view. A few moments pass and Spencer is the first to look away. 
“You must be tired-” He starts.
You were still disrupting his space.
“Right, I’ll go-” You stand, ready to rush out the door.
“No-no.” He sighs. “Stay please. It’s late and you’re drunk-”
“No I’ve alrea-” You try to protest, not wanting him to go out of his way for you any longer.
“Please. I’ll feel a lot better knowing you’re safe.” He begs, not just with his words but his eyes. 
“Okay.” You murmur. “But I’m taking the couch.”
Under any other circumstances, Spencer would have resisted you taking the couch. Today? He was utterly drained.
“Alright. I’ll get you something comfortable to change into while I set up the couch. You know where the bathroom is.” He sports a weak smile, unable to meet your eyes again. 
He watches you disappear into the bathroom after handing you some spare clothes. He sets the couch with the pillows and blankets he’d reserved for you. He bought them after you’d slept over a few times at the start of your friendship, wanting you to sleep as comfortably as possible so you would keep coming back.
You’d just broken his heart into a million pieces, so fine that he’d never be able to put it back together whole, but he still couldn’t not exert the utmost care when it came to you. 
In the bathroom, you fight back tears again as you fumble into his clothes. You’d worn this particular sweatshirt before, because you didn’t anticipate staying the night. It was never planned, often you two just lost track of time because you spent too long engaged in conversations. After a while you started leaving things at his place so you had an excuse to keep coming back. 
You can handle just being his friend, but you don’t think you can handle not being anything to him. Was there something you could do so you didn’t have to stop coming back? 
When you came out and saw your makeshift bed for the night, you felt slightly fuzzy inside. Spencer had already gone to bed but he’d covered the cushions of the couch with a thick blanket and two fluffy pillows. A fresh glass of water was waiting for you on the coffee table with the pills from earlier. 
Maybe things were okay after all? Surely he wouldn’t have put as much care into your comfort if they weren’t. So why couldn’t you shake this feeling of dread inside you? Why did the air feel so thick?
You spend most of what’s left of the night awake, curled into yourself on his couch, muffling your sobs. You’ve ruined another good thing. Pushed away probably the most important person in your life. You knew he was too good for you, he could never feel the same way. You got greedy.
Just a few feet away from you, Spencer’s in the exact same position as you on his bed. No rejection has ever hurt as much as when it came from you. He knew you were drunk, he knew you could never actually feel the same way. But aren’t drunk words sober thoughts? Statistics definitely agree they are.
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The first thing you notice when you wake up is the pounding headache. Then the dry mouth. Spencer had left a glass of water, painkillers and a bagel on the coffee table. You reach for the pill first, hoping that the faster you take it, the faster it kicks in. As you practically pour the water down your throat, you see a little note next to the bagel. 
“Paper work day at the office. Make sure to eat and drink lots of water. Will tell Hotch that you’ll be late/taking the day off. - Spencer”
Thoughtful as ever. The bagel was still warm so he must’ve left recently. It was strange that he’d left without waking you up like he normally does. Your first bite of the bread jolts the memories of the night before and it hits you harder than the headache. Your appetite faded and the remorse set in. 
Shit. 
You and Spencer have always been able to bounce back, but the damage you caused last night might be irreparable. Say Spencer does forget about it, can you? You always knew he couldn’t love you back, but you never imagined that he would forbid you to love him in the first place. As much as you didn’t want to face Spencer right now, work was the best place for you to be if you didn’t want to go mad thinking about last night. 
You’d have to change into appropriate work attire first, so a trip back to your place was warranted. The whole uber ride back to your apartment you think of things to say when you see him. Things didn’t need to change. You had to apologise, obviously, but there had to be some way of apologising while maintaining normalcy. The best start was getting him his coffee and scones like you usually did. 
Meanwhile at the office, Spencer was stuck on the same page of his file. It had never taken him more than a few seconds to turn a page, but he wasn’t actually reading the words. You took up every thought in his mind again. He wondered if you were awake yet, if you remembered the events of the night before. 
“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”
When he initially heard you say it, all he heard was that you love him.
“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”
When he said it out loud to himself all he wanted to do was tell you how much he does love you, but the chance was ripped away from him just as fast as it was given to him. Did you even care? Or was it just an insignificant event to you? It was a lot easier to accept that you could never love him the same way before he had a taste of what it would be like if you did. 
There was this moment, when your fingers were fiddling with his and you said those words, just a second where he experienced what it could be like. He can’t go back to how it was, not now that he knows how it could’ve been. In order to protect himself from unravelling completely he has to let you go. An impossible task, considering you work together. 
“I brought coffee.” Your expression is tentative. 
Spencer looks up to see you standing above him, holding his daily coffee and scones in hand. There are no traces of the night before to be seen on you. Your makeup is fresh and you’d clearly changed clothes. You looked perfectly angelic, as always. If it were any other day, your gesture would’ve made him feel like the most special person in the world. Today, it felt like the cruellest thing in the world. 
“Do you wanna come with me while I heat it up? Or should I just bring it back to you?” You prompt. 
“No.” He rises from his seat and pries it out from your hand. “I can do it. Thank you.” 
Before you comprehend what’s happened, Spencer’s walked away. You try to follow him to the kitchen, but when you get there he’s nowhere to be seen. This seems to be a trend for the next few days. You find some excuse to try for conversation and he shuts it down after about one sentence. That’s if you’re able to get close enough to him for that sentence. It’s becoming more and more obvious that he’s avoiding you. 
You decide to give him space after about a week of it, wishing everyday that you could go back in time and change things. Around the two week mark, he starts giving you the cold shoulder, not even so much as looking at you. He couldn’t look at you. It was taking everything in him to force himself away from you, but it was easier than being near you. You weren’t the only one who could feel this change in your dynamic, the team was just as confused.
They’d all tried to investigate the root of this shift, individually directing casual questions to both of you in conversations. You’d both just brushed it off, not wanting to be the burden of the topic. Spencer had been doing so well in keeping his distance, but eventually, Hotch made the decision that enough is enough.
The BAU was in Chicago this week, hunting down another unsub who thought he was too smart to get caught. This was one of those cases that would stick with you for a while, so tensions were already high amongst everyone. Nobody was more on edge than Spencer and now he was forced in a car with you, driving around the city, chasing leads. 
Rarely did he ever get behind the wheel, but he knew he would need any distraction he could get. Driving was supposed to mean he wouldn’t be stuck in the passenger seat, fighting the urge to stare at you. Now he was fighting the urge to stare at you from the driver's seat. He hated being in love. You were trying your best to stay silent and looking out the window at the passing buildings. 
“Are you hungry?” 
That’s the first time in a month that Spencer’s been the first one to speak. He tried not to. Like he tried not to pay attention to your routine. It wasn’t possible. No matter how hard he tried, there were just some things Spencer couldn’t not do in regards to you. The most important thing was that he couldn’t not care. 
He knew you hadn't been eating properly. You had a tendency to forget about your well-being during hard cases. You were probably hungry. Somebody had to take care of you because you most definitely weren’t going to. He was right. The thought of food made your stomach growl. It was wicked timing. 
“No, thank you.” You lie anyway, not wanting to inconvenience him further. 
“Why won’t you stop lying to me?” He mutters in annoyance. 
“Excuse me?” You scoff, turning to look at him. 
He doesn’t look away from the road, pretending to not have heard you. 
“Seriously?” You sputter. “You’re ignoring me now?”
You huff as you throw yourself back against your seat. He didn’t mean to ignore you, he just didn’t know what to say. 
“I don’t understand why you’re being like this.” You mumble. 
It was already daunting when he was barely acknowledging you, but refusing to acknowledge all together? When you were the only person next to him? That was just vicious. You knew you’d fucked up, but was this necessary? You had already spent so much of yourself trying to keep it together, being confined in this car with him would waste your efforts. 
“Pull over.” You say in the kindest way possible, which was immensely harsh. “Spencer Reid pull this damn car over or I swear to fucking God I am going to jump out of it.”
That definitely caught his attention. In all your time together, you had never spoken to him in that way. You had definitely never addressed him by his full name. He brings the car to a halt on the side of the curb and finally turns to face you. You push the door open and hop out, slamming it behind you. 
“What are yo-” Spencer starts, but you’re already walking away. He quickly gets out and follows behind you. It doesn’t take him long to catch up to you and he stops you by the arm when he realises saying your name won’t make you turn back around. 
“Don’t touch me!” You yank your arm out of his grip and keep walking. 
“Where are you going?!” 
“Anywhere you’re not.” 
He tries you by your name again, but when it fails again, he grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around. You hadn’t noticed that you’d walked into an alleyway. 
“Get back in the car.” He demands.
“I am not getting in a car with you.” You have never been this upset with him before. 
“You’re being childish!” He snaps, rolling his eyes.
“Oh I’m being childish?! Spencer, believe me when I say I mean this is the nicest way I possibly can right now – FUCK OFF!” You push his hands off you and take a step back, but he just grabs your wrist.
“Listen to me,” he urges, “there is a serial killer that’s kidnapping women in broad daylight, torturing them and murdering them. And he’s threatened each of us individually during the course of this investigation. You cannot just be walking around alone, in a city you hardly know.”
“Don’t explain the details of this case to me, I’m well aware.” You snarl, your irritation increasing tenfold.
“Then why are you being so difficult?!” He screeches.
“Why are you–fucking hell, I cannot keep doing this. I’m not getting in the car when you won’t talk to me. Hell, you won’t even so much as look at me!” 
“Fine! You wanna talk? We’ll talk! Just–get back in the car. Please.” He sighs in defeat. You still don’t budge, so he pleads softer. “Please.”
You take a deep breath and roll your eyes, stealing your wrist out of his grasp. Spencer doesn’t move until you do, both of you silently making your way to the car. 
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You’re both silent initially, not knowing where exactly to go from here. There’s one thing you know for sure, you won’t be the first to speak. Spencer catches on to that fast. 
“What do you wanna talk about?” He snarls, shrugging his arms. 
“Cut the shit, I won’t get back in this car if I get out for a second time.” You’re not in the mood. The two of you had avoided this conversation for long enough, it was now or never. Some part of you wished for never. 
“Fine. Did you mean it?” He shoots, briskly. 
“What?” You didn’t know which part he meant. 
“That you love me specifically as an ‘amazing friend’, I believe was your wording.” His voice cracks and it causes a shift in his behaviour. He’s no longer hostile, just hurt. 
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” 
In your rush to get him talking, you hadn’t actually realised that you weren’t ready to talk about this. You were stalling. 
“Answering a question with a question.” 
This doesn’t feel like a conversation. More like an interrogation, except you’re the unsub. He scoffs bitterly at your silence. 
“Spencer, don’t–” 
“No, you’re the one who wanted to talk! You were so insistent, in fact, that you would have rather made yourself a serial killer’s target then get in a car with me if I didn’t talk to you. And all of a sudden you’re speechless?” He snaps at you. 
“Yes! I was the one who wanted to talk! I just– I can’t understand what I’ve done to make you hate me so much? Was it because I said I love you? Did it really upset you that much?” You were both shouting from frustration. 
“You think I’m upset because you love me?!” Spencer scoffs in disbelief. 
“Aren’t you?!” You bitterly laugh. 
Spencer rubs his temples and squeezes his eyes shut, mumbling some under his breath. He’s genuinely never been this frustrated in his life. 
“Are you being serious?” His voice strains in pitch, as he tries to keep himself a lot calmer than he feels. “Is this some sort of joke to you?”
“Some sort of joke–”
“Do not interrupt me again. You wanna run away from this? Fine. But you will listen because I will not have this conversation again.” His tone is sharp, like a blade being held against your throat. It definitely shuts you up.
“Talk. Okay, let’s talk about how I have spent the last four years watching you allow undeserving men to walk all over you, letting them treat you like you’re worth nothing. I damn near drove myself insane trying to figure out why. Why is it something you accept for yourself? And then I realised– that’s how you see yourself. You actually hate yourself so much that you’ve convinced yourself you deserve it! Do you realise how infuriating that is?!
Especially because it’s the furthest thing from the truth! Still, I watched you throw yourself into this vicious cycle over and over again. You gave yourself away to those idiots, knowing that they didn’t have good intentions, but you still hoped it would be different every time. I mean you’re a fucking profiler for God’s sake! How can you expect others to love you if you can’t even love yourself? 
That’s not even the worst part! You’re so desperate for their acceptance that you continuously neglect the acceptance you already have from the people who love you. People like Emily, Penelope, Derek– the team– people like– people like me. I mean I’ve always known that you didn’t love me as anything more than a friend, but your constant reminders feel like a punch to the gut! Is it that embarrassing for you to love me as anything more?
I’ve survived way worse things, but this is the cruellest thing I’ve ever been through. Because it’s coming from you! I just never expected it’d be from you.” He’s practically hyperventilating for air by the time his speech comes to a stop, the vein in his forehead more prominent than usual.
Your jaw is tense and restless, twitching from anger. Some part of you still wants to keep this friendship. The louder part knows that there’s no going back from this. You’re not entirely sure you want to go back. Your entire body is shaking from rage. The first rule of your friendship was no profiling. Not only did he break that rule, he used the profile against you as if you actually were an unsub he was interrogating. 
“That’s not fair”
His eye twitches at your response. 
“Not? Fair?” Spencer grumbles in pauses.
“No, that's not fair!” You cry out. “It’s your turn to listen.”
It doesn’t feel like there’s any oxygen left to breathe in the car.
“Self loathing? Spencer, that's your projection! You love too hard and nobody’s ever loved you back the same way. But just because you lack things you want in your life doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me! And all this talk about love, but none of it makes any sense. You think I’m embarrassed of loving you? Is that how shallow you think I am?! You’re the one who told me that I can’t love you. God, you are the most duplicitous person I’ve ever met! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder because I love you as an ‘amazing friend’? Because you love me and you think I’ve been neglecting you?!”
You had never spoken to anyone this way in your life. There was so much truth to Spencer’s words, but he had no right. He’d touched every nerve in your body without ever laying a hand on you. Up until roughly twenty minutes ago, being seen by Spencer was your favourite thing in the entire world. Now? You’d never hated the feeling more in your life. 
Spencer squeezes his hand into a fist, knuckles going white and releases his fingers like if he were aggressively squishing a stress ball. If asked about a month ago, he would never in a million years think that your friendship would manage to dissipate in just a few seconds. He didn’t think he could associate the word love with you anymore.
“Let’s get one thing straight. I do not love you. I do not love anything about you. Actually, I hate you. I hate how sweet you pretend to be. I hate the stupid morning coffee you bring me, nothing tastes more bitter. I hate to admit this but you’re right; everything about you is a brutal reminder of all the good things I can never have and I despise you for it.” He spits his words out with extreme tension in his blood vessels. 
“I can’t say I’ve known what it feels like to truly loathe someone before I met you.” You fire back, breathlessly, not having it in you to spare any more words for him. 
You’re not exactly sure how long the two of you have been sitting there just glaring at each other. Only when Spencer’s phone rings do you two look away. 
“Reid.” He answers the call. “Yea, she’s still here. We’re on our way back now.”
The ride back to the precinct was silent. Even as you regrouped with the rest of the team, you acknowledged everybody but each other. The team was instantly alert to the change, but no one mentioned it at the time because of the high stress of the case. You wrapped the case up a few days later and only then did the questions start making their way around. 
“Is everything okay between you two?”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“What happened between you and Reid?”
“What’s up with Boy Wonder over there?”
You didn’t entertain any of them, Spencer had taken up enough time in your life. You refused to talk about him, look at him or acknowledge him at all. He shared that same incentive. Another three weeks passed as the team watched what was once the closest duo in the BAU, pretend that their counterpart didn’t exist. 
If one of you was in a room and noticed the other enter, you’d walk out without drawing attention to the situation. When leaving the room was not an option, you either went as far in the opposite corner of the room as you could or you’d simply pretend the other wasn’t present just a few metres away. You wouldn’t discuss intel with each other about cases, sharing your findings with anybody else. 
Since Chicago, Hotch only assigned you with Spencer once more, but quickly realised that wasn’t going to help when both of you begged to be assigned with someone else privately. If you were in a discussion with someone and they started talking about Spencer, you’d tune out entirely. After a while the hating game got exhausting.
Spencer hated pretending that he hated you. He felt an immense amount of guilt for the things he’d said, but it was too late to take it back. He thought it would be easier to deal with his feelings if he wasn’t around you all the time, but it was just as difficult as before. You still lit up the dull grey rooms of the building. The only difference was that now he had to watch you shine from afar. 
In truth, you didn’t hate Spencer either. What you actually hated was that you didn’t hate Spencer. You still caught yourself staring at him for long periods of time. There were days when you’d go to his favourite coffee shop before work and buy his order, only to give it away to somebody on the street because you didn’t want to ruin Spencer’s day with the bitterness of your coffee. 
By the fifth week since you had gotten back from Chicago, you and Spencer were no longer ignoring each other as much. You’d gotten into a routine of professionalism for the sake of the team, only talking to each other about cases when necessary. That didn’t stop you from subconsciously showing subtle gestures of love. These were a lot quieter than the gestures you showed when you were friends. 
You’d make sure that there was always a fresh pot of coffee in the office kitchen, so Spencer would have it ready to drink whenever he needed. He’d make sure that the snack cupboard was always filled with your favourite snacks because he knew you liked having something to munch on when catching up on paperwork. You’d keep extra painkillers in Garcia’s lair knowing Spencer would retreat there when a migraine hit.
He’d ensure the aircon was always set to room temperature, you get uncomfortable if the room was too cold. Both of you were aware of the little gestures too, no one else knew your truly niche preferences. Neither of you was brave enough to actually go up to the other, though. It was all too much for you. No matter what was said, he was still your thoughtful Spencer deep down and it killed you.
You’d tried to talk to Spencer a few times, building up the courage for days in advance. As soon as he noticed you heading in his direction, he nearly bolted in the other direction. His avoidance didn’t end at the office. You recently became aware that Penelope had been scheduling rosters to invite you and Spencer to outings, trying to ensure you were present for equal amounts of time. 
You were chilling at her desk in wait for her, when you noticed a little note with your name next to a date and time. Under that was Spencer’s name with a separate date and time. 
“Hey! What are you doing here?” She greets you.
“I needed to talk to you…Penelope what is this?” You hold up the little pink sticky note.
Penelope sets her octopus mug down and takes the note from your hand. 
“This? This is nothing.” She fumbles a bit as she speaks.
“Garcia?” You purposefully speak with warning.
“Okay! Okay! But you didn’t hear it from me! We’ve kinda been taking turns hanging out with you and Spencer sometimes. But it’s because we love you and don’t want to make either of you-” She starts a panicked tangent.
“Garcia!” You interrupt her before she sends herself into a spiral. “There’s no need to do all of this. Yes Spencer and I aren’t close anymore, but you guys don’t need to go out of your way for us.”
“Well..” She grits her teeth and tilts her head.
“What?” 
“We didn’t really mean to. It’s just we noticed that Spencer would never come if you were going. And both of you just straight up refuse to talk about it, so this was the best we could come up with.” 
“Oh. Penny, I’m sorry that you guys have had to do that.” That was all you could say, your head hanging in guilt.
“Can you at least tell me why you won’t talk about it? I mean it makes sense for Boy Wonder, he’s always been stubbornly private, but you’ve never not told me anything!” 
You look towards Garcia again, thinking for a minute. You didn’t know exactly why you refused to talk about it. 
“I don’t know, honestly. I just don’t want to talk about it, if that makes sense?” You pull your friend in for a hug as an apology. 
You felt awful leaving her lair without giving her a proper answer or a resolution. It didn’t matter how professional you acted, this rift would always impact your friends and your work life. 
Spencer would always impact everything in your life. 
The guilt didn’t spare you that night, creeping its way to the forefront of your mind every few minutes. It had been four months since your last fight. It was the longest you’d gone without Spencer. This had to end for the sake of the team. That was how you found yourself standing at his door once again. After a few minutes you finally knock. You didn’t know what you were going to say, honestly you just wanted to run before he answered. You hear the locks being undone, but it’s not Spencer who answers when that door finally swings open.
“Yes?” 
It’s a woman, one you've never seen before. You’re taken aback and look around to make sure you got the right apartment. This was definitely Spencer’s apartment, you’d been here a hundred times before. And some woman was answering his door for him. Some very beautiful woman. 
“Can I help you?” She follows up, looking you up and down. 
“Hi, yeah, sorry, is–um– is Spencer here?”
“Who’s asking?” She’s definitely not very friendly. 
“We work together. Is he here or not?” You didn’t have the patience for this, annoyance seeping through your pores. 
“Who’s at the door?” His voice emerges from behind her and he finally shows up. “Oh.”
“Hey.” You glance away as soon as you see him. 
“Could you give me a minute?” He turns to the woman. She flashes a sickly sweet smile and kisses his cheek before disappearing inside. Spencer shuffles out to the corridor, closing the door behind him.
“That–uh–that was–” He stops himself, clearing his throat and switching to his professional voice. “What are you doing here?”
Cold.
“I was hoping we could talk.” You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to play off what you just saw. 
“What more is there to say?” 
“About the team. I came over to, um, apologise and maybe move past things for the sake of the team.” You were looking everywhere but at him. 
“Honestly?” His eyes are on you though. “I don’t care. And even if I did, I don’t want to hear it.” 
He starts to walk away, but turns back and mentions your name like it’s the most vile word in the dictionary. “Please don’t come back here. It’s hard enough at work, I don’t want to see your face in my personal time too.” 
With that he re-enters his apartment, leaving you standing in the hallway. It’s hard to imagine that this man was once your best friend. If you didn’t know about all the good times, you wouldn’t have believed it. Every tear that your body could ever produce streamed out of you for the rest of the night. Once you had made it back to your apartment, they broke out in sobs. In your line of work, you had survived being shot at, almost blown up and even a kidnapping once.
The man you loved with every fibre of your being looking at you like you were less than filth under a person's shoes was your breaking point. There was no way you were going to face him again. You needed to forget about Spencer Reid, which meant a fresh start. This city was a constant reminder of his essence, you couldn’t stay. You plopped down on your bed with your work bag, reaching into it for your work computer. Hands twitching as you type. 
You remember being so proud when David Rossi recommended you for the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. You were even more ecstatic when Hotch actually requested your transfer there. You had worked your ass off for it. It was there that you met the infamous Doctor Reid. He was much different than how you had imagined him. He was so charming, friendly and so down to earth, not liking him wasn’t an option. The two of you had so much in common, despite being so different, it was the foundation for your friendship. His caring nature pulled you in further, you soon found yourself deeply in love with him. 
Tears flooded your keyboard as all your memories with him flash through your brain. His friendship was a beautiful bonus of the job you once loved, you never thought that he would become the reason you’d leave it. Yet here you were, furiously drafting your resignation to Agent Hotchner. There were so many signals in your brain telling you to back off, to open a bottle of wine and drown your sorrows instead, but your heart didn’t feel like that would be enough. Your love for your job didn’t outweigh your desire to run.
Spencer Reid was your best friend and being in love with him is an excruciating torture. One that you can no longer endure. You had never been more sure of anything as you are at this moment and you weren’t going to give yourself time to change your mind. Your time with Spencer and, as a consequence, your time at the BAU had come to an end. Another memory flashes through your mind as you sign the letter off with your name. A case in Boston had gone wrong and you were really hung up on it. Spencer, in an attempt to help you move on, shared a quote with an author he had recently read. You bitterly chuckle to yourself at this recall and press send with no second thought.
 “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C.S. Lewis.
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Spoilers: BAU! Reader, friends to enemies, mutual pining, hurt, angst no comfort, whump (maybe idk), Reader & Spencer are both idiots, they should probably consider therapy actually, Spencer is a sassy little shit, but really just needs a hug and a class on communication. 
AN - You’ve heard of enemies to lovers/friends, now I present to you the exact same thing in reverse (been done time and time again, I’m not in any way original <3). You can blame Ariana Grande for this one. Sorry that I haven't posted, I've had insane writers block. I might be slightly incapable of shorter word counts, I’ll try to improve that.  I apologise for grammar/anything that does not make sense, I am both an idiot and also was dealing with a bad case of the flu when I wrote this. I’d like to thank @reidmotif for curing my writer's block and inspiring me on the second half of this fic. Thank you @starstruckbambi for proof reading this.
Drop thoughts & feelings so I can ponder on them. Always remember that I’m in your walls. 
Thank you for reading!
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the-flaneur · 2 months ago
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you've pavloved me...hmph
pairing: f1 grid x gn!reader [headcanon]
ft. the whole 2024 grid
summary: you've been with your boyfriend for so long, that when he goes, you can't seem to cum...aka who's most likely to accidentally pavlov their partner into only coming when they're there
warnings: shitpost/crack, very suggestive content and some 18+, MDNI, NSFW -> smut
[masterlist] [requests]
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not likely to pavlov them
lance
bro does not have the energy to fuck with you like that
in his mind
why bother
he just wants to have fun with you, and you can also have your own fun without him
then so be it
no need for any tricks
franco
has too much fun with you
thinks he's too good in bed, so why should he bother trying to manipulate what you think of him
and in his mind, it would also mean that you wouldn't genuinely think he would be good in bed
and so he can't have that
you must think he is the best
and of your own accord
pierre
thinks you should also be able to please yourself without him
besides, he likes the photos you send him when you're pleasuring yourself
so he would NEVER want to pavlov you
cause then he also has to deal with a grumpy you when you can't cum
and he doesn't get anything out of it
zhou
too much of a sweetheart to be that mean to you
like he hears you cry, moan or whine ONCE about not being able to cum without him
and then he's like "im sorry baby"
and then there's happy and fluffy makeup sex
esteban
also another sweetheart
but only cause he hears you complain in very very vulgar words what you would do to him (aka fuck him up) if he didn't let you cum without him
and he can't have that
so in order to please you
he promises to never pavlov you
and then you're both happy and satisfied
oscar
wouldn't pavlov you
for the sole reason that he finds this kinda shit stupid
he's like
"babe we're in a relationship, i can't really be demanding and/or withholding things from you,"
he's just a gentleman
also morbidly thinks about if he were to die, does that mean you just can't cum anymore?
(apparently lando said yes, so that means yes)
kevin
would think about it for like two seconds
then feel very VERY bad that he thought about manipulating you like that
thinks it's "unethical" (some of the other drivers would think otherwise, duh)
thinks about from time to time (it's his mini roman empire...maybe like the byzantine empire level of thoughts)
but cares and loves you too much for that to happen
maybe one day???
valtteri
would actually consider it
BUT would bring it up with you and consider your thoughts on it before he even tried to manipulate you
if you wanted to try it: he would make sure that it was a sound/action you wouldn't embarrass yourself too (he has too much self-respect and respect for you to out your relationship like that)
if you didn't want to try it: would back off respectfully, and maybe only ask a couple more times in the future to see if you've changed your mind
yuki
would try it once after hearing about it on the internet
gets very confused as to why it's about a dog? and not a relationship?
then once pierre explained to him properly
wanted to just try it once with you
similar to valtteri, would also ask you first if you wanted to do it, but would try to convince you to just "experiment"
like a bit more like "baby, can we try it just once please. you won't even realise it,"
could be successful (ig depending on you)
charles
finds this stuff stupid
well at least most of the time...
if you just so happen to be in the right place at the right time
for him to exact some revenge after you not so accidentally posted a thirst trap of him on your instagram account
then so be it :D
would pavlov you to the sound of him saying "fuck" in that very specific cadence when he's pissed at ferrari
liam
bro would only and ONLY pavlov you to the sound of mcqueen's kachow, just so you actually WANT watch the cars movies with him every weekend
instead of complaining that he can't actually be obsessed with the red car every SINGLE FUCKING WEEK
otherwise, he's a chill guy
lando
would only do it to tease you about it
and in a funny way, not a mean way
like a "guess you're just that needy for me sometimes babe, just kidding (teasing)" kinda way
BUT would be absolute menace about it if it happened multiple times in a row
AND ESPECIALLY if it happened in front of someone else
like max f accidentally found out the sound (aka the sound of lando's pc booting up - idk how that happened man)
and then immediately went bright red, as lando cackled his head off, and you just went to hide in the bathroom
max
would pavlov you
only cause he hates missing out on having sex with you
and he actually really misses you during the race weekends
(my boy is just a massive simp, cut him some slack)
so he wants to withhold your pleasure
just so he can be the one to give it to you
(would also pavlov you to super max or du du du du max verstappen)
alex
pavloved you cause you bullied him too hard that one time (aka multiple times)
you called him a pussy for not being able to handle spice in green curries
so he calls you a pussy in return, over the phone, as you huff about not being able to cum when he's not there
and he'll even turn off the call/facetime before you manage to convince him
so you're just horny and pissed off
(aka the best combo for angry sex when he returns)
checo
desperately trying to rewrite his place in 2024 red bull constructors shithousery
so why not rewrite how you experience pleasure with him too
it's a 2-for-1
and for the mexican cartel/sponsors, that's a done deal
sealed, stamped and sent
nico
shockingly higher than you may think
BUT
THIS MAN'S CHEEKY GRIN
tells me that he would plot everything, down to the last detail
and get away with it cause he's so damn handsome and smooth talker
but flops cause he's sometimes a bit too meticulous
and takes the focus away from your pleasure, and instead focuses on your combined pleasure
cause he just loves you (and himself) like that
carlos
would also pavlov you to the smell of chilli
or other very nice aromatics
or scented candles
makes him the kinda romantic partner to pull up to the hotel room or bedroom with that massive like set up
with a bajillion candles, rose petals and balloons
except with you
it's just like the very potent smell of chilli
and apparently (?) chilli's help with sex drive
or so he tells you
george
initially i was going to put him lower
BUT GODDAMN AFTER THIS THURSDAY HAHAHAHAH
this man.
if he has an agenda.
he will push that agenda so hard, even if you were blind, you could see it and hear it
also probably learnt the "tricks" from fernando
cause they're just buddies like that
(would also pavlov you to the sound of the british anthem)
lewis
this man is a smooth AFFFFF talker
would take like zero convincing for your body to suddenly become pliant/completely at his mercy
would also manage to convince you to pavlov yourself to the sound/recordings of senna's mp4/4 or his w11 or the v10 engine
(he's just a slut for good cars like that)
or him like singing
CAUSE HE WOULD RATHER DIE THAN SHARE THE MUSIC WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD (so there's no way anyone else would know)
but if he did release that music (lewis please, just even a snippet is gold), you're kinda screwed (in a fun way)
fernando
this man knows what he's doing
that's final. PERIOD.
he is THE certified mind games genius (or villain/psychopath, up to you)
dont think just cause you're his partner that doesn't mean he won't use your love for him to make sure that you both achieve maximum pleasure when you have sex
(he is still entirely devoted to you, and you only)
but he wants you to ONLY be satisfied when you're with him
he just wants your body to know that ONLY he, and him ALONE can make you feel good
pookie is in his feels for you
(bro would also be into edging, so yeah)
would also pavlov you to his victory celebrations, cause when you have sex, it's basically a party in the sheets ;)
they know what they're doing
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permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)
@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay @alex-wotton
@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy
@fadingcloudballoon @princessminjikwon @chick-from-nz @nina-or-anna-or-nora
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© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.
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princessbrunette · 7 months ago
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frat!gooner!rafe who just can’t help himself from groping you :(
it was casual drinks at a friends house, and of course your favourite mutual friend, rafe cameron had to be there. you sort of had a thing, a super sexual, probably toxic, unhealthy thing going on — but you’d told yourself, not tonight. tonight, you’d have class. it was about your friends, and that’s who you were here to see. you weren’t here to do… whatever, with him.
he doesn’t hide his lecherous gaze through the evening — but you expect nothing less. hell, at one point you’re even sure you see him adjust his bulge whilst staring. that man had no shame.
but you supposed neither did you.
because as soon as you wander off into the next room alone, a little tipsy and needing to walk off the tension — you’re gasping out a high pitched squeal as a hand slots itself over your mouth and you’re dragged to a dark corner. in any other instance, you might be afraid. but you knew exactly who it was.
rafe is suddenly infront of you, that slicked back greasy mop a little dishevelled from his own actions, hand still over your mouth as he shoves another up your top, groping your tits as much as he can.
you mewl against his hand, half in irritation that you’d been caught, half in arousal.
“yeah, like this little outfit you got on. knew what you were goddamn doin’.” he breathes out through his mouth. he takes his hand off your mouth, trusting you won’t make a fuss and you weakly go to push him off. irate, he brushes your hands away, yanking your skirt up. “‘make this quick a’ight? don’t need you makin’ it a whole thing.” he drawls as he unzips himself.
you think you’re gonna fuck, maybe you can get something out of this too— but no, once pulling out his fully hard cock, he’s yanking your panties down just enough for him to start jerking off into them, widening his stance to lower himself more to your level. it’s obscene.
you let out a pathetic little cry, and it is pathetic because you shouldn’t be whining over not getting fucked when he practically forced himself on you— and when you go to grab at him needily he shoves you against the wall more firmly with an arm across your shoulders to keep you pinned. “shuuut up… okay, just—just shut up.” he hisses, eyes squeezing shut as he pants. occasionally he indulges you by sliding his tip through your folds, collecting the increasing wetness — the fat mushroom tip catching on your clit making you buck.
“someones gonna see.” you whisper, barely audible, but your eyes screw shut as you try and catch his dick again. his tongue is slot between his lips in concentration as he brings the hand that’s holding you down up to your mouth again, lazily sliding two fingers passed your lips knuckle deep to shut you up.
“yeah doesnt — doesn’t seem like you actually care too much, so…” he sarks, before the pleasure consumes him and he’s shuddering, jaw dropping as he watches you choke on his fingers, shooting his hot seed into your pretty delicate panties. you whimper pathetically, and once catching his breath — he slides his fingers from your mouth and yanks your panties up with such a casual strength he almost takes your feet off the ground for a moment.
rafe rubs a big ringed hand over your panties, making sure the squelchy release is all contained within the fabric and you sniffle, knowing you’ll need to fix your makeup somehow after this. “there you go.” he mutters, like he did you a favour — before taking a step back, clearing his throat as he watches you fix your clothes like hes suddenly regaining consciousness. “gonna head back out there ‘fore they suspect something or some shit. don’t be too long, a’ight?” there’s a slight softness, dare you even say fondness to his tone and expression before he departs, hands in his cargo pockets, the sound of him zipping his flies back up as he leaves the room following.
with his cum still warm in your panties you shudder, wondering how someone could treat you like this and still leave you wanting more.
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dumblilb · 3 months ago
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I don’t wanna talk
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Pitfighter!Vi x Bartender!Reader
(Synopsis: Vi’s been having a hard time recently. You decide to give her a little relief.)
(Cw : !SMUT MDNI!, lesbian sex, Sub!Vi, oral (both!r), thigh riding (vi!r), strap (vi!r), begging, mentions of alcohol, profanity, crying from overstim, a little angst but not really, kinda fluff)
(Requested: Yes)
(Wc : 2,8k)
* ・゚☆ 。・ * ・゚★ 。・ * ・゚☆ * ・゚★。*
As her newly dark hair falls over her eyes all she could think about was how angry she was. It hadn’t even quite hit her yet why. Maybe it was her bruised knuckles, and the way they made her hands look so ruff against your skin. Or the fact that the lights were blinding her eyes. But as she looked up at you over the bar counter, she knew she had one thing to be surely mad at. You were gonna probably gonna send her home.
She held your forearm with a small bit of pressure. Putting the drink you were making for your final customer of the night on pause.
“Please. I need a drink. Just one.” Vi pleads. She looks tired. Her shoulders are slightly slouched and her eyes look sullen. You can’t help but sigh. This is the third night this week you’ve denied her service. Normally you can’t help but place down another beer for a drunkerd. A few extra dollars in your pocket from some rando isn’t the worst thing in the world. But when it’s your friend that’s when it gets complicated.
“Vi, I’m off in a minute. Just let me finish making this and you can come with me back to mine. Okay?” You smile softly. Her grip on your arm loosens and she looks at you for a second, debating her answer. Did she really want you to take her home and put her to bed. Her eyes flicker to the softness in your eyes. And the way your chest moved delicately up and down while you breathed. Actually that doesn’t sound like a bad idea right now. Maybe she wasn’t that upset after all.
“Fine. Just-“ She breathes out heavy, hanging her head. “Don’t make me wait too long.” She lets up on your arm and walks over to the exit waiting for you. You can’t help but stare at her as you clean up and clock out. Her jacket is slung over her shoulder. The fabric molding to the sweat covered muscles of her back. Like an unruly child she scrapes her large leather boots across the floor back n forth. Almost in protest of you testing her level of patience.
You walk over to her and she gives you a slight tinge of a smile as she wraps her arm around your shoulders.
“You’re getting sweat on me.” You grimace. She just places a peck on your cheek with a stuck up grin.
“You love it.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to give you that impression.” You roll your eyes. But the undeniable smile covering your face gives her the courage she needs for the night.
The walk home was quick since you live not too far. Which vi was pleased about. The second you unlocked the door she pulled you into your own home, leading you to your room.
“What the hell are you doing.” You can’t help but laugh.
“Nothing I just wanna talk.” She says sitting down on your bed. Discarding her boots and jacket to the floor.
“Talk?” You question. You’re used to her flirting. She’s done it her whole life. She’s never really not been a charmer. But ever since she started doing those pit fights and coming to find you at the bar afterwards, it’s been a little intense. She started coming as a way to see you. She’d buy a drink. Chat you up. Get turned down. And she’d buy another. You could tell she was just sad and lonely. So you didn’t really give the idea of it the time of day. But as the drinking became more intense you got worried. She only seemed to become more upset the more times you sent her on her way. Beer in hand. You’d started to think you definitely fucked up. And she wasn’t joking around.
“Can’t remember the last time we talked about anything other than how bad you want me.” You tease, trying to keep the energy light. Maybe just this once. You’d try and see how this goes.
“You know I’ve had a really shitty day. Lost my match. And the only thing that’s made me feel better is the sight of you. You seem to have that effect on me recently.” She states as you sit down next to her. She leans to rest her head down softly on your shoulder. You don’t quite know how to react to what she’s just said. Her breath is hitting your skin sending a shiver down your back. You go to rest your hand to her cheek bringing her to face you, but she pulls back almost like a flinch. You ease her in closer.
“I don’t think I wanna talk right now.” You whisper, leaning in slightly to close the gap. She almost gasps at the contact but finds composure and melts into the kiss. All she could think about for weeks was how you would feel against her. If your lips were soft or if your eyelashes would flutter against her cheeks. But nothing could have prepared her for how heavenly you would feel.
The softness of your lips had her entranced as she pulled you in for more. Leaning into you making you fall back on your arms, deeper into your bed. She parts for a second, taking in your face. The way your eyes dart from hers to her lips. The way they your lips stay open slightly. Like they’re inviting her back in. You take the chance and kiss her again. Guiding her body up into a sitting position. Practically straddling your hips. You place a hand to her chest, feeling up to her neck. You could feel her heart racing under your touch. Deep breaths wracked her body as you fiddled with the wraps around her torso.
“Can I?” You question and she continues to kiss you, moving down your neck.
“Please.” She exhales and you start removing them. Much too slow for her taste. She’s antsy, nipping at your skin as you work. You finally get it off and take a second to admire her. She beautiful. Her skin is pale but it glimmers with sweat as she pants. You run your fingers over her chest, caressing her softly making her look at you nervously. What if you didn’t like them. What if-
“God you’re fucking perfect.” You exclaim quietly, placing soft kisses upon them. Her head falls back as you enclose on of them in your mouth. Putting your tongue to work, rolling over her nipple gently with your other hand.
Her hand grips your thigh tightly as a way to cope with the new sensation. She runs her other over your head till you pull back. She looks at you slightly confused till you begin removing your top, making her eyes go wide. The black bra still covering your chest doesn’t keep her from gawking. She slides off your lap for a second, hastily removing her own black jeans leaving her in just a pair of boxers in front of you. Her happy trail on display. Scooting forward you grab her hand placing it on your own pants. Giving her permission to remove them.
She bends down in front of you, sliding them over your hips and down your legs. Running her fingers up your thighs she starts to spread them apart, but you urge her back onto your lap.
“You said you had a bad day? Let me make you feel good.” You breathe into her ear, teasing her boxers off with your fingertips. Which she is now eagerly ripping off. Placing her, now noticeably wet, core down on one of your thighs. You grip her hips with a bit of force. Guiding them in a back in forth motion. She lets out a soft grunt as she slowly picks up the pace. Resting her head in the crook of your neck, she sloppily places small pecks to your collar bone. Her hands gripping your waist to keep steady.
Each motion she made caused a moan to leave her lips. They started quiet but as her legs became shaky you’d remind her how good she was doing. You rock your leg up into her, making the whining become louder. Her voice barely sounding legible between gasps, as she pleads with you.
“Fuck! I- I can’t…” She lets out, whipping her head back. You just smile at her softly. You roll over onto the bed, bringing her under you. Her hair falling back out of her face, leaving you with her wide eyed expression. She’s confused as to why you stopped her from finishing, till you get down on your knees beside the bed. Pulling her legs towards you and resting them on your shoulders. Her toned thighs clenched around you in anticipation as you leave little kisses to the area.
She’s starts to get needy, grinding her hips upward towards your lips when you grip her tightly. Looking up at her flushed face. Any makeup she was wearing earlier was fully smudged off and beads of sweat dripped down her abs as her deep breaths made each one flex just a little. It makes your brain spin a little as she looks at you with softness. Eyes pleading with you. Practically begging for relief.
“Please-“ She starts to say when you run your tongue through her folds. Her whole body melts into the bed. Each dip into her making her squirm as you work your way to her clit. Tonguing it with swift motion. Loud grunts leave her lips as she grips your head trying to push you in closer. She wants more. Which is fine. You have much more to give.
Coming up for air you slightly knock her hand out of the way. You begin holding her hips up with nothing but your own strength. Her legs fully over your shoulders. She tries to help by holding herself up with her forearms. But as you begin sucking on the sensitive area she gives up. An echoing moan leaves her as her core starts to tense up. Gripping your sheets tightly, she holds her eyes closed. Almost embarrassed to face you like this. Weak and to your will.
Her hips start to twitch. And before you could even prepare she’s a mess under you. Her release covering your mouth. She lays there panting for a minute while you gently set her down. Leaving wet kisses up her body, till you’re lying against her. Bringing her lips you yours, letting her taste herself. She holds you tight as if scared you would leave. Bitting slightly at your lips. Just enough to claim her stake. Her hand falls to your underwear line and she starts to inch closer to your core. You couldn’t help but peek to see the way her tattoos flowed with her muscles at each movement.
Moving your hips forward you allow her to start softly running her fingers through your folds. A small murmur of pleasure creeps out making her smile into the kiss. Applying light pressure she moves in circular motions, moving her kisses down your neck. Nipping at it slightly. The louder you get the faster she goes. The restriction of your panties upsets her so she takes a pause to slide them off and gets right back to it.
You place your hand on hers and guide it down to your entrance. She understands quickly and moves to be more on top of you. Holding one of your thighs down slightly with her leg. Holding herself up with one of her arms, her other glides its first finger into your core gently. She hesitates for a moment before you impatiently buck your hips, letting her know it’s okay to start moving.
She starts gingerly. Nervous almost. But as you whisper words of encouragement under your breath she starts to pick up the pace. Each thrust making you squirm under her. As her speed increases you bring one of your own hands down to massage your clit. The feeling of another finger entering makes a warmth start building in your stomach. Vi grunts as she continues. Her eyes not leaving you. The way your chest moves at her motions could make her drool. She starts to curl her fingers upward inside you and your pace becomes faster. But it’s sloppy, and a lack of composure becomes apparent.
“Fuck! Vi don’t stop… don’t fucking stop.” You say stern, even in your current state. Your legs start to shake under her and with a last pump the feeling in your stomach releases making your whole body tense against her. She slowly starts to remove her fingers, placing them in her mouth to lick them clean. Under heavy lids you look at her with a smirk. She liked the way you tasted. You could see it on her face. She was pussy drunk.
Sitting up you move to reach under the bed. Grabbing what you need from the box you kept there. She looks at you curious till you bring it into her view. The hot pink strap, now sitting on your lap, makes her eyes go wide.
“Do you want me too..” She starts but as you get up and start to tighten it around your hips, she understands. “Oh!”
“Is this okay?” You check walking towards her position at the edge of the bed. She nods her head rapidly making you chuckle a bit. Pink dusting over her cheeks as you stand between her legs. Cupping her face you rub your thumb across her tattoo, taking in the way she looks. Even in the dark her powder blue eyes sparkle. Her hair can’t help fall slightly in the way of her view. Which in this moment is not something she’s fond of. She wants to see you.
Leaning down, you delicately leave a kiss to her forehead. Grabbing her hand in the process. You pull her up to stand in front of you.
“Turn around.” You muse and she looks at you a little confused, following instructions anyways. The sight of her tattoo covering her back makes you take a deep breath. God she’s so fucking hot. You rub your hands down her back, tracing each line of ink. She shivers slightly under your touch reminding you of what you were doing in the first place. Bending her over, she places her knees and hands down onto the bed and braces herself. Climbing up to bring your pelvis to her ass, you position yourself.
Caressing her hips softly you question “ready?” And you see her nod.
Pushing the tip of the strap in slowly you let her get accustomed to the feeling. A audible moan leaves her and you place a kiss to her back. Finding yourself a rhythm you begin thrusting into her. Slow at first, not to scare her. But then she started begging for it.
“Please! Faster.” She groaned, spreading her legs a bit wider. Which allowed for you to go deeper. Your thighs hitting her ass making as slapping noise echo in the room. But it was hard to hear over the loud whines that escapes her mouth. She can’t help but curse your name as you apply some pressure to her back, making her arch deeper. Holding her hips tightly to secure the motion. Her arms give out and her torso becomes flesh with the sheets. Arms up above her head. She turns slightly back to look at you. Reaching under you start to rub her off while continuing to slam into her.
“Holy shit!” She exclaims trying to hide her face behind her arm, but you stop her.
“Pretty girl, I need you to look at me.” You smile and she moves her arm. Small tears gather in her eyes from the overstimulation on her pussy. You get concerned for a second but when her legs start to twitch a little she practically begs for you to go harder. It only takes a few more pumps before her legs give out and you can feel warmth covering your hand. Easing out of her, you pull out and remove the strap from your hips.
She lays there, body sprawled out across your bed. Her eyes are closed but she has a grin adorning her face. A slight flush on her skin apparent. Quickly placing a kiss to her shoulder, you get up to grab a damp towel. Coming back to sit next to her.
“Come here.” You bring her closer to begin wiping her down. Cleaning her off. She looks up at you with a grin. She puts a hand to your cheek, pulling your lips down to hers. The kiss is gentle and needy. She just wants to feel you. Resting her forehead to yours she sighs.
“You okay?” You question, caressing her arm softly.
“My day just got a whole lot better.”
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