#Thank you for putting in the fire God
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wecanbeperfect · 3 months ago
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THE REFINING OF GOD'S REMNANT
Zechariah 13:9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.
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zenixromeave · 7 months ago
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i am literally so glad terrible things keep happening to that white man do it again.
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ballcrusher74 · 9 months ago
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this was suppose to be a doodle but my love for the sweaty yellow man overtook me
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nitewrighter · 1 year ago
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Billy Batson: I simply wish... to not be pitted against or resentfully put in the shadow of a hero who I originally didn't even share a continuity with.
DC Comics: Christ, you are extremely fucking selfish. Die.
Billy Batson: I am 14 years old.
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leemarkies · 2 years ago
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#having a Bad Day#one of my bosses was talking to me about classes i should take next year#and gave some helpful ideas about taking trial advocacy and pretrial lit#which. i do plan on taking the latter sometime next year#but both of those classes would severely mess up my entire course schedule and probably wouldn’t allow me to work twice a week at the firm#but i ofc don’t say that i just nod and agree and say thank you. they don’t need to know what classes i’m taking#and then my head boss talks to me after and says they are suggesting these courses bc my analysis writing has gotten worse since i started#and that he noticed i don’t have a ‘passion’ for this work#so . great. now i feel god awful. not about what they think about me but more about whether or not i’ll be able to keep a job here#and like normally i would not care but. i NEED this job i NEED the money#i pay for my mom’s mortgage and i have loans to pay off + just! normal general things to buy! and GAS!#without this job i’d have $240 a month roughly from my other job which is next to nothing#idk what i’m doing wrong. this job is such a ‘trial by fire’ and i’m sooo intimidated by my bosses#and i’m cheery and i don’t complain and i listen and i smile and i work quickly#and sure i make mistakes but i try! i swear!#if i don’t have this job past the summer idk what i’m going to do i’ll be so fucked#putting all of my eggs in this one basket. already committed to this summer but if they don’t want to hire me after graduation#i will be jobless. i have no network. i spend all of my time working or at home bc i live with two disabled people an hour+ away from campus#and i don’t have the time or energy to do anything else#i’ve dealt with soooo much worse in my life idk why i’m freaking out so much rn#i would give anything to call my grandpa rn for some advice but .#…. haha anyways . great weather we’re having
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chronicparagon · 3 months ago
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Chiasa offers Harmony a woodpecker, carved from bright wood. "They're symbols of the sun, right?"
@risingshine
"Chiasa!" Harmony gasps at the sight of the wooden woodpecker in Chiasa's hands. Her eyes shine bright from tears brimming her gaze. Her time in Japan has its challenges and though there is so much good during her experience, her heart pine for home when time stands still and her mind wanders.
Nostalgia crashes against her during those times. Even when she shared stories of her tribe and home country with Chiasa, or the long nights in her beloved's arms. Sometimes, she misses home.
The unexpected gift brought back the values instilled by her ancestors. "You didn't have to! Did you carve this? It's beautiful!" Slim hands gingerly take the woodpecker. She stares at it, noting the beautiful details etched into the wood's smooth surface.
"Yes. They can represent the sun." That's the short version of her answer. "The woodpecker represents the fiery spirit our warriors had. We still carry the courage and strength woodpeckers represent. Remember that ribbon jacket I got you? The one with the four woodpeckers with the logs on the jacket's back? It's the four directions, which also represent the sun circle and the sacred fire, Abi Binnili's gift. You remembered it." One hand cups the woodpecker by its base resting in her palm. The other hand pulls Chiasa closer to an embrace.
"Thank you, dear. This really means a lot."
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sunnami · 5 months ago
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the 5 times you did (not) love each other and the 1 time you did.
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summary. as the title suggests. this one was a request! i hope you enjoyed my version of this anon.
pairing/s. poly!marauders + lily / reader.
wc. 4.1k
tags. hurt/comfort, angst, peter pettigrew mention, not proofread, like seriously, fluff, happy ending.
cws: brief mention of violence and blood.
note: i am alive?? crazy. i began this fic, whilst sick, around august, nursing the worst headache ever. i wrote the middle of this fic, sick. and i think it's only fitting that i finished this fic. sick... honestly, i did not proofread any of this, i just know i lowkey love it. after the first one-thousand words, i just spiral and become delirious, so i don't even know what happened here. my first request finished! yippee! and thank you all for 2k :< i love you all so much.
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i. 
SIRIUS BLACK did not love you—not even close, not even a little bit. Not even at all.
After Peter Pettigrew’s slight against his family, Sirius would never hold warmth or pity for the skittish mouse ever again. He was played for a fool. And, he did not know which betrayal had hurt more. Peter’s—or yours. (Had you known all along of your adoptive brother’s plans? Did you not think for one second that Sirius would, without a sliver of hesitation, put himself in the way of a killing curse to keep you safe? He’d have died before ever letting the fire in your eyes wither to ashes. Clearly, you did not share the same sentiment.) 
He wanted nothing to do with you. Ever. And if the rat-bastard dared to show his face, not even Death would know where to put Peter’s body to rest. Sirius would keep him alive until he begged for death—until the idea of living frightened him more than dying. And for you—beholder of his heart, captor of his soul, and co-possessor of his mind—he could only hope that you stayed far away. You had wrecked him—all of them. 
He wanted—
He did not know what he wanted. 
For when it came to you, Sirius Black was reduced to a man wandering the deserts—mistaking clouds for water, and the sands for grass blades. You had ravaged every fiber of his being; consumed his every thought and word. The most ironic part of all was that if you had been the one standing there—Sirius would have let you Avada him. Dumbledore could scold him in the afterlife—Sirius could care less. He’d have snapped his wand in half and asked someone else to fight you because Sirius had vowed from the moment he met you that he would never harm a hair on your head. He would never be the reason that tears stained your pretty cheeks. 
Well, apparently, trust and promises were not worth a damn thing nowadays. 
No, he did not love you—even as you stood on the steps of Grimmauld, your hair ruined by the downpour of rain. Your lips bruised and bitten from a nervous habit Sirius had yet to break out of you. 
“I didn’t know, Sirius,” you whispered—your voice the only sound falling on his ears amidst all the thunder and lightning. He only saw you. “Y-You have to believe me. If I knew—Gods, I would have told Dumbledore in a heartbeat. Fuck. I thought you knew me better than that.” 
He thought so, too. 
“Did you know?” Sirius began, taking a step forward and into the storm, a demeaning sneer on his lips. “That when Voldemort stood in our home, your portrait was right behind him? That was all I could look at. If I had died—you would have been the last thing I saw.” 
You had not replied. 
Sirius grit his teeth. “Go,” he said, voice hoarse. 
“Go!” he yelled, grateful for the rain as it masked his own tears as you flinched from the sound of his voice. Not the thunderclap, the lightning strike—but it was him who scared you. 
(But you had done so first.) 
When you apparated away, Sirius crumbled to the ground and pounded his fists against the asphalts where you were moments ago, screaming and cursing until he saw blood flowing with the rainwater.
It was laughable, really. The way he did not love you. 
It was not love that drove him to madness, pummeling Gideon Prewett into a bloody pulp for mentioning your name during a meeting with the Order. He had presumed you to be a Death Eater alongside your brother—Sirius instantly saw nothing but red. (He condemned Bellatrix, his own cousin, for becoming a madwoman. Yet, here he was, unraveled by the very thought of you. The very whisper of your name.) 
But whatever it was that had turned him into a fool and a hypocrite all at once, it was not love. 
ii. 
JAMES POTTER had no love for you—make no mistake about that. He loved love, and he did so fiercely and truthfully. But you and Peter had broken his trust—defiled his loyalty from the moment your brother had brought Voldemort to his doorstep. (Did you know that as he begged and screamed for Lily to hide with their son, Harry—he thought of you? For a fleeting moment, he saw your face, marked by fear and tear-rimmed eyes. And James knew straight away that he would spit on Tom Riddle’s bare feet if only to keep his family safe. If only to see you once more. Alive and well. But, you must not have thought the same—if you had conspired with Peter to sell him and Lily out to the Devil reborn.) 
The thought of you breathing was enough to keep James alive. 
But, that was not love. It was a mockery of it. 
No, he did not feel so much as a twinge of emotion for you. Not even as Mad-Eye Moody brought your limp body back to Grimmauld. It was not love that threatened the magic in his being—that simmered in his blood until the painted walls saw an indent of his fist. (“Poor thing,” McGonagall cooed as she pressed her palm over your forehead. Despite some of the members’ growing distrust for you, you still took an Unforgivable in their stead. “We can only wait. . . Four Cruciatus curses. . .”) 
What more did James need to want to rip Peter apart limb by limb? 
It was not love that rooted his feet by your side. Sitting hunched on a chair too small for his height, bags beneath his eyes, and the pale of his lips becoming noticeable to everyone who spoke to him. 
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to you lovelessly—hands desperately clutching your own. Sirius stood across the room, arms crossed over his chest, dagger-like eyes waiting for so much as a twitch of your finger. “I’m sorry.”
It was a plea this time.
He only hoped you did not ask him to love you. For James could give you the world, hand-pick the stars, and burrow his body deep beneath the ground if you had asked for it—but he could not love you. 
Everyone had told him not to hope that you would wake up. That your pretty eyes would not flutter open, and you would no longer look at him as you had before. But James was stubborn. He was selfish as he was stubborn. He did not love you—but he needed to hear the sound of your voice. And James would take it any way that he could. The soft cadence of a whisper, or a rough utterance of a single word. Molly Weasley told him to accept reality for what it was. (“You need sleep, dear,” the matriarch fussed. “There’s nothing we can do. Look at the Longbottoms. . . We can do no more for this one as we had done for them.”) 
In the still of the night, he left his reveries on the cold of your skin. “Wake up,” he demanded. 
“Wake up or else you’re the traitor everyone thinks you are,” James hissed. 
But his words held no heat—and his heart held no love for you. 
Make no mistake about that.
Then, when you finally woke up, disoriented and throat parched—a hazy recollection of the weeks before—James made sure that no more than four people could enter the room. He did not care if a hurricane, or if Voldemort himself—James had faced him once already, after all—threatened to break the door down. You were theirs to protect.
 (But not to love.) 
“We need to begin the questioning, James, you know that,” said Kingsley Shacklebolt, almost exasperatedly; weary lines written across his face. James would not allow even a toe beyond the doorway. An interrogation meant you had something to do with the attempted murder of James and his family. Whether or not you were innocent, James did not care—he just wanted you safe. 
(And a small part of him already knew that you were not your brother’s keeper. Just as they had absolved Sirius of his family’s sins. It would be unfair to not show you the same grace. But before his mind knew that, James’s heart and soul had known the truth all along.) 
He found Sirius gently tending to your every need, and already James knew that was Padfoot’s way of begging for forgiveness. The ebony-haired man hung onto your every word. He winced when you flinched, and pressed his apologies to your forehead, rasping for a kindness he did not deserve. Not after what he did. How he turned you away and cursed your name. How they betrayed you. 
James did not love you. 
But what else could he call the manacles that bound his hands and forced him to his knees when it came to you? 
Not. Love. 
iii. 
REMUS LUPIN could not bring himself to love you. But, he could not love Sirius, Lily, and James either. He was undeserving of such a privilege. But he was not allowed to love you; Remus could only hope that you saw even a shred of worth in him—to wrest each word from his lips and every breath from his lungs. But, he did not love you. No. 
Because loving you meant he was to tell you of your brother’s crimes. And Remus could not hurt you like that. 
“P-Peter?” you had asked, wearing the eyes of a fretful sibling. Remus lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair gone astray behind your ear. Bellatrix had done a number on you—just as she had done to Alice and Frank. Remus was fairly certain that Sirius was off on a hunt for his cousin, his mind toyed with by the barbarity of war. What they could not do for the Longbottoms, they’d wring themselves dry to do for you. After the Lestranges’ attack, you suffered damage to your throat and memories. Remus could not bear to see you in such pain. 
He could not give you love, but Remus would offer up to you his every limb, and the weary skin upon his bones. 
“They. . .” Remus grimaced. How could he act as the bearer of bad news? He’d rather dive headfirst into shark-infested waters. Be anywhere else but here. In fact, Remus would rather snatch you away from the funereal walls, and hold you in his arms in the quietude of dawn, than be the one to bring anguish to your eyes. “They’re looking for him at the moment, love.” 
One question lingered in your eyes: Why? 
Luckily, Sirius was always the better one at sharpening a blunt knife. “He was a traitor,” he spat like acid. “A traitor to the Order. A traitor to us. He’s no friend of ours. Not anymore.” 
But Sirius knew—better than anyone else—how difficult it can be to truly hate little brothers, especially once they’ve gone. 
“No. . .” You trembled, almost retching as you sobbed into your palms. 
Remus held you then, the front of his shirt soaked in your tears, eyes firmly shut as you trembled and heaved in his arms. The sound of your guttural screams bounced off the four walls, and Remus had to bury his nose in your hair. You were alive. Safe. Breathing. But you felt cold as ice; an empty husk stripped bare for grief to take over. And Remus could do nothing but hold you. (He just hoped that wherever Peter Pettigrew was, Remus would not be the first one to find him. Otherwise, they would not be able to recover even a fingernail from his remains.)
“Hush, love,” Remus whispered into your ear as you cried yourself sick. Mourning the loss of your brother, reeling from the betrayal of a bond that was supposed to be stronger than blood. Remus would make him pay, he vowed as much to you. No, Remus and the wolf in him did not know how to love. But he knew how to hurt. And, that, he’d gladly do for you. His body was for you to use as a shield, his soul for you to strip bare, and his heart for you to thieve and never return. 
“Don’t cry,” said James, a shadow cast over his frames. “Not for Peter. Never. Fucking bastard will get what’s coming to him.” He laid on the vacant space of the bed, gently untangling your hands that were pressed over your heart. “I’ll make sure of it.”
They all would.
But not because they loved you. 
It was not out of love, Remus had to remind himself in the coming days, when he stayed diligently by your side as you recovered. Daily sessions with the best healer St. Mungo’s could offer—as if James would allow anything else. There were days your eyes would glaze over, your words rough and sluggish, and Remus would try his damndest to make you smile. 
It was the least he could do. 
For failing to protect you. 
But that was not love. 
(It was hope. Wretched, disastrous hope as he fell to his knees, and your name in between his teeth.)
iv. 
LILY EVANS was a fighter in all the ways that mattered. 
And from the very first moment she held Harry in her arms, eyes raking over his wrinkly, bloodied skin; all ten fingers and toes, her soft cries over his loud screaming—Lily knew she would trade her life for his in a heartbeat. Little, lovely eyes that would soon see the world in his own time. Lily adored him. Cherished every tear, snore, and giggle. She knew then, that a mother’s love was entirely different from any emotion she’d ever felt before. 
This was proven the first time Harry had gotten seriously ill. A few weeks after the attempted murder on the Potters, Harry was ceaselessly crying—screaming, even, every night—red-faced as he fussed every breakfast and dinner. Lily found herself at wit’s end. Her protectiveness had gone up a hundred measures; wouldn’t let anyone besides family or Madam Pomfrey see Harry. Yet, even with all the draughts and silly-flavoured syrups, Harry wasn’t getting better. 
“Lily dear, you cannot actually be thinking about this,” worried Molly Weasley as Lily stood in front of your door, holed away in the room where you had been recovering for the last few days. It would be the first time she saw you since the incident. More than anything she was afraid. Frightened that you would look at her differently. Whether or not that fear stemmed from love, Lily was not concerned. “We can call for another Healer from Mungo’s to have a look at Harry. . . Who knows what might. . .” 
Lily held Harry closer to her, lips firmly pressed, attempting to ignore the way his temperature was unnaturally high. “Might what, Mrs. Weasley?” She knew Molly was only talking out of concern, from a mother’s perspective at least. But she knew you better than anyone else. You would never hurt her, or Harry, that much she was certain of. And if you were the traitor everyone else was afraid of accusing you of, a sentence delivered by association to Peter—then let the guillotine fall, Lily would carry your crimes for you. 
She remembered ever-so clearly in her sixth-year, you with dreams glistening in your eyes. (“I’m going to be a Healer, Lils! Minnie said I’d be a great one. . . I want to protect those I love. . . I know I can do it. . . Oh, I can’t wait to tell Peter that I’ve gotten recommendations already to work at Mungo’s after graduation.”) 
And Lily recalled at that moment, she had felt a different kind of emotion that she had never experienced before. It was not love, of course. Tuney said she was too young and too stupid to know what real love was. But, at sixteen, what else could describe the way her heart fluttered and the way her lips threatened to break out into a smile whenever you lit up talking about your future? (It was just a crush, young Lily told herself.)
Only to be crushed and cast aside in the face of the war, where fighters took their place at the forefront of the lines, mothers and children hid; healers stretching themselves thin to be here, there, everywhere; where traitors walked in plain sight. 
“There is no one else I trust more with my life,” replied Lily. 
And that was that. 
Lily skirted around Molly and opened the door to your room, where Sirius, James, and Remus all stood at attention at the sight of her and Harry. She ignored them, and headed straight to your side. 
“Hello, love,” she greeted with all the gentleness she was made of, a smile creeping up to her eyes as Lily watched you turn your head at the sound of her voice. Truth be told, she did not know what her end-goal was in coming here. But being by your side had always made life a little more bearable, like all the illnesses in the world could not bring her down. And so, her magic had instinctively summoned her person to you. She, at least, was relieved to see colour returning to your cheeks, though the red in your eyes had dulled the hues she adored so much. 
“Is that. . .?” you croaked. 
Lily nodded. “Harry, meet—” 
One of the loves of my life, the most loyal and pure witch anyone ever has the privilege of meeting, someone I want to stay in my life forever. 
Lily’s smile wilted. “A friend.” 
Later, she would place Harry in your arms—her little hope embraced by her dream—and Lily would wonder if it was by pure magic that Harry calmed in your presence. 
For if love could hurt and destroy, could it mend and heal the broken as well?
But what a shame, for not one in that room carried an ounce of love for you.
(She would die for Harry, yes—but she would live for you.)
v. 
YOU did not love them, either. 
The very idea, thought—insinuation—was absurd. (Why, they deserved much better than you, after all.) With hands that failed to protect them, were you even allowed to hold them anymore? Did your heart have the right to breathe for them? You had failed as a sister and a friend—how much more would you have failed as their lover? Well, you’d never know. 
Because you did not love them. 
Merely wished them happiness and for the world to extend them kindness. For the sun to look brightly down on them, and for time to heal their scars and wounds. For if they were in pain, the earth would stop spinning. But such a request was not borne from love. 
Surely not. 
Because, then, that would have meant that it was love that teared you apart when Sirius cursed your name, when James turned you away, when Remus could not look you in the eyes, or when Lily—for all your history together—called you a friend. 
The whole of you was made by the parts of them. Each memory welded into the crevices of your soul. From the moment you had all found each other in the same train compartment, same common room—there was a shift in the fates that bound all five of you together. (The ties were red, but the thread was not of love.) You did not believe in Professor Trelawney’s talks of providence and destiny. 
Because if you did, then why was the universe so cruel? 
Falling—not in love—for four people who could very much do without you in their lives. Lacking severely as a sister to the point you had not noticed your brother fading and fading away into the shadows. 
Was love that unkind? That merciless? 
Then, you did not want to love at all. 
Oh, but magic or not, every creature on this earth selfish. 
You were no different. 
You wanted. 
Oh, how you yearned. 
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“I LOVE YOU.” 
You barely had enough time to react before Sirius pressed his lips to the side of your head, arm covertly sneaking around your waist. The sound of the train whistling as parents yelled their goodbyes filled the station. You stood in the midst of the crowd, eyes never leaving one window in particular as you waved at Harry, now eleven-years-old and now off to Hogwarts. 
“Quite a random thing to say, husband,” you murmured, leaning into his warmth. “What for?” 
“Just because,” he replied in turn with a fiendish grin. “Well, perhaps for choosing us, for choosing me despite all my fuck-ups. For existing. For being the beautiful, wonderful, kind, precious you. I could keep on going, my darling. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” 
You wrinkled your nose, eyes rolling from fondness. “I love you too, quite unfortunately.” 
He only laughed and pulled you closer to him. “Let’s go home.” 
“I love you.” 
In the house built by new memories, warded by stronger protection charms, and filled with warmth and love—James said this to you each morning before he left for the Ministry, promoted after the war as Head of Magical Law Enforcement. Not one foot out of the door until he had showered you in kisses and the symphonies of his heart. James had always been loud, even in his time at Hogwarts. The war had not taken this part of him, and you figured James was too loud to let it be taken from him. He was unapologetically and unabashedly him. 
And you had loved him fiercely for that. 
“I’ll be home early tonight,” he said, a quiet intimacy washing over the both of you. The early birds of the cottage. “Wait for me?”
“Of course,” you answered without an ounce of hesitation, delicately chasing after his lips. “I love you. Be safe.” 
-
“I love you.” 
“Are you saying that to me or are you reading from the book?” you teased from where you laid on Remus’s chest, hours after James left for work, the afternoon bringing you two together in the living room. Lily was in the gardens, and Sirius was in the shed working on his motorbike. It was perfect. You felt the rise and fall of Remus’s chest beneath you, his heartbeat close to your ear. He was perfect. It was a miracle you had not fallen asleep to the tender lull of his voice. 
“Both,” he responded, hand coming up to trace the bare of your skin—a miracle you did not crumble or burn instantly from his touch. 
You hummed. “Then, I love you, too.” Then, you grinned, lifting your head to stare up at him. “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.” 
And, oh, how photographs could not capture the beauty in Remus’s smile as his eyes regarded you with such fire.
“My heart, my light, my desire,” Remus began, one finger ever-so softly tracing the curve of your cheek. “In vain I have struggled, it will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” 
“I love you.” 
Said Lily as she lied in your shared bed, red-nosed and her cheeks pale, sluggish. The Christmas holiday was generous enough to gift her with an unfortunate cold that had been going around the wizarding world. “But, please, go,” she commanded weakly, gesturing for you to join Harry who was stood by the door. “It’s a lovely day outside for making snowmen with carrots as noses and snow angels. Not for taking care of poor old me.” 
You rolled your eyes as you sat by her side, swiftly pressing a kiss to her forehead. “And I love you, which is why I would rather much be here, taking care of the prettiest snow angel to ever exist,” you countered, bringing a spoonful of broth to her lips. “Besides, Harry here has something to tell you. He’s made friends at school. One of them is Molly’s little one.” 
“Oh, you did?” Lily cooed, before sniffling weakly. “That’s lovely, darling. Tell me all about them.” 
“That’s not all, Lily mine,” you began mischievously as Harry’s eyes narrowed at you through his glasses. “This friendship apparently formed after fighting a troll.” 
“You what?” Lily croaked, emerald eyes shimmering with concern and near-dread. 
“Did you really, Harry?” James popped his head in the doorway, clapping his son on the shoulder before ushering him inside the room. A spitting image side-by-side as they took the empty space by the foot of the bed. “Good boy. Father approves.” 
“Of course you would,” Lily shot at him weakly, melting when Sirius then entered the room and greeted her with a kiss to her cheek. “And where are you all coming from?”
“Outside,” announced Remus, tugging his tie from his neck. “Sirius and I took a quick trip to Diagon Alley to get some things that’ll make you feel better, Lily love.” 
And as the snow fell outside, lazy winds against the window, your little family gathered in one room, there was one thing you knew for certain.
You loved them. 
And they loved you. 
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a/n: i wrote all 4k words while sick. crazy. but anyway, i wanted to believe in love again so here i am. thank you all so much for being patient with me. i promise to do even better in the next fics!
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hachiane · 2 months ago
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things that are not talked about enough in Love and Deepspace pt. 2
thanks to comments on part one and perusing LADS Reddit and Youtube, here are more ttantaeilads part 2 Wanderer Bugaloo: a reminder that these are canon in the LADS universe:
Despite being big eaters, Sylus and Xavier don’t like wasabi
Zayne is a kaomoji enjoyer
According to Sylus, Mephisto is not 100% waterproof
Sea God Rafayel kicks MC off a cliff
Glowing singing toy handcuffs exist in Linkon
Xavier once waited for rice to grow
In addition to sleeping sitting up, Sylus is also a stomach sleeper, or he became one after meeting MC
MC has also said she sleeps on her stomach when she's tired after missions
Rafayel stepped out of the bathtub, slipped on a paintbrush, sprained his ankle and checked himself into the highest ward in the hospital
According to Zayne, if you wear a black tie and white shirt, you will resemble 85% of him
Sylus got a money tree stolen from him
Zayne accidentally buys a water tank instead of a cup
Sylus, the type of person to hold anything you give him while he’s on a call
Hotpot flavoured desserts exist in Linkon
Xavier owns a star-shaped wand seasoning shaker
Rabbits were once set loose in a hospital
MC gets stalked on two occasions
"okay but like we can just stand there and look smoking hot" is a line Rafayel commented once
MC turns a warped vinyl record into a fruit plate
Xavier will fight your boss
Zayne is good at snowboarding
MC once caught a lobster while surfing
Sylus almost dies in the desert
Xavier leaves a plant unattended that it grew roots to cover his floor
MC is good at origami and sometimes teaches it to the kids at Akso Hospital
Artsy Birb is a second grader
Zayne's nickname at a restaurant "Two Seasonal Specials Dine-in"
A version of Monopoly exists in Linkon
Xavier’s status “After slaying the Wanderers, the bread in the microwave is straight fire”
Rafayel and the way he names his fish friends: 001, 002 and 886
Lil S Pet Store almost came to be
A steakhouse in Linkon serves steak that has one-third of it cooked and calls it medium-rare
Sylus uses an ammo box as a grill – it failed
The two squirrels that frequently visit Akso Hospital are named after medication
Sylus prefers sour salad dressings
Or he likes sour things in general; he made a salad with green apples
Xavier accidentally gets hired for handing out flyers and selling flowers on the street
MC cannot handle horror movies or horror-themed escape rooms
Immersive experiences as part of marketing efforts are so immersive that it puts users into day-long walking expeditions, causes breathing problems and real body injuries, but are okayed in Linkon
Xavier and MC snoop on people near their apartment block and text each other about it
Despite being a doctor, Zayne will dodge medicine for hot cocoa when he has a flu
Rafayel replying to MC's comment: "okie dokie artichokie"
Dragon Sylus's torn pants stay up despite not having a waistband or belt
Bunbun has legs
Xavier and his too many diplomas
Sylus uses the word "fugly"
Zayne uses the word "angsty"
Rafayel has a bathtub next to a couch in his living room
Zayne is some level of bilingual
Sylus recommends a series of hard spirits as a dinner option
Despite being a doctor, Zayne (attempts to) dodge a dentist's medical advice
Wasabi Octopus's legs smell like mustard
edited on 25.12.24 for accuracy
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aajjks · 1 month ago
Text
Wifey and Groceries (m)
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synopsis. Another day, another shenanigan. Going grocery shopping with your nightmare of a roommate who really wants to fuck you, can’t be that much of a struggle, can it?
pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: crack, 18+
warnings: grôcêry stôre shênânîgâns, flïrty jungkôôk, ôbsêssêd jungkôôk, tsûndêrê yôû, împlîcît sêxûâl jôkês, ânnôyîng jungkôôk whô wôn’t stôp bâbyîng yôû, lïkè îf yôû thïnk lâûghîng îs flïrtîng.
note. I never imagined receiving so much love on stuff like this but thank you- thank you so much for sending so much love on stuck with you and loving our horny roommate jaykay so much. 😵‍💫🥺 so on high demand here is another part. If this flops like I’m expecting well- umm but anyways I hope you guys enjoy this but please share your thoughts and feedback and if this also becomes a hit, I will write another part and I will really make this a series!! ENJOY!
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“Jungkook, I swear to God, put that back.”
What did you do so wrong in your past life to deserve this kind of torture in the human form of your roommate, Jeon Jungkook?
You cannot believe this.
You glare at the ridiculous amount of instant ramen he’s just dumped into the cart, your fingers gripping the handle so tightly your knuckles are white.
It’s the third time he’s done this, and you’re this close to losing it in the middle of the aisle.
“What? We’re gonna need it,” he says, all faux innocence, holding up one of the packs like it’s a sacred artifact. “You never know when there’s gonna be a ramen emergency.”
“There’s never going to be a ramen emergency, you idiot,” you snap, shoving the packs back onto the shelf. “Stop acting like a child.”
Jungkook gasps, clutching his chest like you’ve just mortally wounded him. “Wow. You’re so mean to me. Is this what married life is gonna be like?”
“Married life?” You look at him like he’s grown a second head. “We’re not even—why are you like this?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb,”
he smirks, leaning casually on the cart. “We’re grocery shopping together, picking out ingredients for our future home-cooked meals. Pretty much married already.”
“Jungkook, I’m going to kill you.”
“Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Jeon, let’s not resort to violence,” he teases, pushing the cart forward as you glare at him. “Not when we’re still in our honeymoon phase.”
MRS JEON???? What the fuck is he barking about?
You shove the cart to a halt, ignoring the way he laughs at your frustration. “Stop calling me that. And stop putting random crap in the cart!”
“I’m not putting random crap in the cart.” He points to the giant stuffed bear sticking out of the basket. “This guy’s coming home with us. He’ll be perfect for our couch.”
“Jungkook, we don’t even have a couch.”
“Yet,” he says, grinning. “But when we do, he’s gonna look great. You’ll see.”
You groan, turning your back on him to grab the toothpaste you actually came for. But before you can even decide between mint or charcoal,
Jungkook sidles up behind you, way too close for comfort.
“Why are we even looking at toothpaste,” he murmurs, voice low, “when your smile’s already perfect?”
Your jaw drops. “Are you serious right now?”
“Always, babe.” He smirks, leaning casually against the shelf like he’s in a photoshoot. “You should get used to it. You’re stuck with me.”
“Stuck with you?” You scoff, shoving the toothpaste into the cart. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Oh, I don’t need to. You do it for me,” he fires back, trailing after you like a lost puppy as you head toward the produce section.
You ignore him, but it’s impossible when he suddenly grabs a cucumber and holds it up like a microphone.
“So, tell me,” he says, pretending to interview you, “what’s it like to be out grocery shopping with the man of your dreams?”
“Man of my nightmares, you mean,” you mutter, snatching the cucumber from his hand and tossing it into the cart.
“You wound me,” he says dramatically, clutching his chest like you’ve just shot him.
Then he grabs a pack of strawberries and holds it up.
“What about these? Strawberries for my sweetheart?”
“Your sweetheart isn’t here, Jungkook,” you deadpan.
He’s really testing your patience right now.
“Sure she is.” He winks, tossing the strawberries in the cart before you can protest.
By the time you reach the checkout line, your cart is a chaotic mix of actual groceries and Jungkook’s ridiculous additions, including the giant stuffed bear he refused to leave behind.
He’s a big man child.
As the cashier starts scanning your items, Jungkook casually drapes an arm around your shoulder.
“By the way,” he says, flashing his signature grin, “this is my girlfriend. Isn’t she pretty?”
Your brain short-circuits. “What—no, I’m not—;”
“She’s just shy,” Jungkook interrupts, squeezing your shoulder.
“But yeah, she’s the love of my life. Isn’t that right, babe?”
Why is your heart fluttering?
You slap his arm off you, your face burning as the cashier tries to hold back a laugh. “Jungkook, shut up.”
Just shut up before I shove my fist up your mouth.
He just laughs, that loud, obnoxious laugh that makes you want to scream and smile at the same time.
As you drag him out of the store, he’s still grinning like he’s just won the lottery. “Admit it,” he says, nudging your shoulder.
“You had fun.”
You roll your eyes, but the corner of your mouth betrays you, twitching up into a reluctant smile. “You’re insufferable.”
He really is insufferable and you’re constantly suffering.
“And yet, here we are,” he teases, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Wanna grab ice cream on the way home, wifey?”
You groan, but you don’t shove him off this time.
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jamminvroomvroom · 1 year ago
Note
4k celebration
i want to see feral lando. dom lando. choking and degrading and rough lando. maybe a bad race, maybe flirting with another driver. weeknd vibes lando. rough rough rough lando.
heat.
ln x fem!reader - 4k celebration
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in which lando fucks you until the sun comes up :)
i am. feral. there are no words to describe how unhinged i am over this, this is super self indulgent and i cannot thank you enough anon hehe - lemme know what y’all think ily! <3
songs to set the mood: earned it by the weeknd, novacane by frank ocean, heaven angel by the driver era
warnings: 18+!! minors dni!! smut, pwp with a bit of plot, choking, crying, swearing, overstimulation, neck? riding? (hehe), degradation, a slap or two, soft dom!lando, also not so soft dom!lando (he switches up a bit), just feral unhinged vibes
2k words
foreglow:
the glow of light appearing in the sky preceding sunrise
-
the sunrise casts a tangerine foreglow over your bodies, the bed, everything the light can touch.
lando’s slumped against the headboard and you’re sprawled over his lap, legs hooked over his, with his hand working between your thighs.
it’s been hours. he’s had you spread out for him, countless positions and locations utilised. you were paying for your behaviour over the race weekend, but really, it was all his fault.
he’d been too cocky, looked too good, the australian air getting to his head. you’d been glowering at him since you’d arrived in the land down under, watching in erotically charged horror as he paraded around looking, to put it simply, slutty. tight shorts, arms out, neck on display for all to see. his fucking neck. god, it looked so thick, flexing every time he turned to smirk at you. the heat rendered you delirious, and so did he.
and you couldn’t even think about that fucking daddy bracelet he’d been sporting.
you decided you needed payback, in the form of some carefully constructed, harmless flirting with everyone from the mechanics to the guys on the pit wall old enough to be your father. but lo and behold, it worked, and that’s how you found yourself in this position.
the position in question?
being fucked every which way lando deemed fit until the sun came up.
“you learnt your lesson yet, baby?” lando grunts into your ear, pinching your clit between his fingers.
your thighs are soaked, shaking uncontrollably, and your head has lulled back against his shoulder. you’re breathing heavily, your back flush against his front and he’s restless. you’ve lost count of the number of orgasms you’ve been pushed to.
“lan.” you breathe, eyes fixated on the bracelet adorning his wrist. the kitschy trinket sends liquid fire down your spine and you spasm as he continues to swirl his calloused thumb over your clit.
“that’s not an answer.” he tuts, slipping his fingers through your slit until he’s circling your weeping entrance. you’re coated with slick, some of it his from where he’d fucked you up against the wall a good few hours ago. “have you,” he kisses your shoulder, trailing his fingers that were digging into your hip up your belly. “learnt your lesson?” his teeth sink into your flesh at the same time he pinches your nipple.
you gasp out a cry of his name, slurring incomprehensibly, “yes, yes, ‘m sorry, i’m so sorry.” you sob. his chest rumbles cruelly with laughter and you’re hurtling towards another release, the overstimulation making it easy for him to get you off.
“that’s all you needed to say, honey.” lando coos condescendingly.
as if he’s rewarding you for owning up, two of his fingers sink into your entrance, sliding deep. the sound of your wetness sends your eyes rolling back as he scissors his digits in and out of you, speeding them up into a delicious grind. you’re a mess in seconds, slumped into him as close as can be. kisses over your neck soothe you and you feel the wet rush of your release approaching quicker than you can comprehend it. you gush all over his fingers, dripping down his wrist, coating that annoying fucking bracelet.
“there you go, baby. so good for me.” he whispers, slowing his thrusts. “can you turn over for me? want you to look at me.”
you pant as you wriggle around in his arms until you’re straddling his lap. you can feel yourself dripping on him, his thick length sliding between your folds. the exhaustion renders you languid, ready to let him do just about whatever he wants to you next.
lando cups your breast, stroking gently over your nipple while he runs his tongue all over his long fingers. he loves to make you watch, torturing you until you’re needy for another release.
“you think you can do a few more for me?” lando smirks, bringing the fingers that he’d just licked clean to your other breast, fiddling with your other nipple. he has you rolling your hips against him, inadvertently chasing another high already. he loves it, revels in how he can reduce you to this, so desperate that you’re grinding down on his cock, a wet mess in his lap, all for him.
“yeah, lan.” you nod profusely, your tired eyes locked with his. the early morning sun hits them enticingly, making them sparkle green in the warm light. he looks disgustingly gorgeous like this, soft and yours, resting against the headboard, curls spilling over his forehead and into his eyes. if you didn’t know that he was mulling over a million twisted ideas in his brain that involved resorting you to tears of pleasure, you’d think he looked adorable.
“good.” he grins. “not even nearly done with you.” he looks evil; your thighs clench around his hips.
without moving you off of his lap, he uses his strength to slide down the bed until he lays flat. he beckons you to crawl up his body, and you find the strength to wriggle over him, thighs resting on either side of his neck when he stops you.
“you gonna slide your pretty little cunt over my neck?” lando asks, wrapping his huge hands around your thighs. you gulp, staring down at him dumbfounded. “don’t look at me like i’m crazy, baby. you think i don’t see you staring at it with that special little look in your eyes?” he teases. “get to fucking work, i’m not gonna ask again.”
hesitantly, you lower yourself against his his skin, flaming red with embarrassment and lust. you can’t lie and pretend that you aren’t utterly enticed by this, that you aren’t leaking down your thighs at the prospect of sliding your pussy along his tanned, flexed flesh. the adventurousness of the escapade makes your legs tremble, nerves eating you alive, but it’s all worth it when you feel that first glide.
you curse out, loud and breathy, the new sensation creating lewd sounds between you. he’s obsessed, staring up at you in mischievous awe as you rock your hips backwards and forwards. you tangle one hand in his hair, tugging hard in sheer desperation, while the other hand balances you against the headboard so you don’t crush him. he guides your hips like he wants to die like this, suffocated by you and everything you have to offer him.
“oh my fucking god.” you choke out a moan, jaw hanging agape as you continue to slide against him. every time you move forwards, you feel the delectable prickle of his trimmed facial hair scratching against your inner thighs and your eyes squeeze shut each time, pure pleasure bubbling in the pit of your belly.
“you have no idea how fucking good you look.” lando rasps, digging his fingertips into the meat of your thighs. you’re so tense, teetering on the very edge. the strength he possesses, his composure while you’re sitting on his fucking neck makes you throb.
you gaze down at him, feral, and it does something to him, because he’s yanking you up onto his parted lips, burying his face as far as it will go. you yelp, collapsing into the headboard as he holds you down on his tongue, lapping up your mess.
“can taste us.” he mumbles into the flesh of your cunt, barely audible, but you hear it and it makes you shiver. you black out as your orgasm hits, your ears ringing as bliss courses through your limp body like a delicious electric shock. your nerves are shot when he rolls you onto your back.
“fucking heaven.” lando groans, crawling over you as he licks his lips.
he’s invigorated by the taste of you, how spent you are, and how it’s all his fault. you can’t string a sentence together, but you’re grabbing at his toned body like you’re begging silently for more, anything. he needs to drive into you, fill up up, make you remember that your little games will always lead back to this, the reminder that you’re his.
“you sensitive, honey?” he growls, hand sliding between your legs while his necklace rests in the valley between your breasts. you whimper at the sensation, overloaded, nodding. you both know you need more; he needs more. “tough.”
lando practically folds you in half when he fucks into you, giving you no solace in adjusting to him. he ruts into you hard, fast, unrelenting as he sinks deeper and deeper with every thrust.
“you’re gonna behave from now on. you don’t need to make me jealous for me to fuck you.” he grunts. his slaps your hip, the harsh snap leaving a sting that has you convulsing. “this is what you deserve isn’t it? whoring yourself out because you were a wet mess for me all weekend.”
you whine his name, sobs wracking your body. he feels utterly divine hammering into you like life itself depends on it. you’ve lost track of where he stops and you begin, stars behind your eyes that turn into butterflies festering in your belly. you’re so full, flushed beneath him, gushing every time he opens his dirty fucking mouth.
“crying for me, love?” he mocks, lowering himself to get even closer to you, his tongue finding your tears tracks and licking the salty residue away until you’re shuddering.
“please, lando, please, told you i’m sorry.” you plead, begging for something undisclosed, but it’s okay, because he knows exactly what to do with you.
“be fucking quiet.” lando coos once more, sickeningly unsympathetic.
but you can’t help it, whimpering out his name, begging for some form of relief, or mercy, or for him to just fuck you impossibly harder. how can you be quiet when he’s tearing you so perfectly apart?
lando doesn’t like being disobeyed, so when you continue to sob, loud and lewdly, his hand finds it’s way to the base of your throat. your jaw goes slack, wheezing at the intense rush you get when he squeezes slowly, and you can’t help but let go.
“fucking- lando!” you writhe.
“i know, baby, i know.” he shushes you, hooking your leg even higher so that he can bury himself as deep as possible.
you spasm hard, impossibly tight around him and he stutters, collapsing you both hard into the mattress. you hold him so, so tight as he cums, shooting into you. you can feel him leaking out of you already, white hot, and laying there in a heap of sweat and adoration. he breathes a laugh, nuzzling into the crook of your neck.
“are you okay, honey?” he whispers, kissing your collarbone.
“just peachy. a bit knackered.” you giggle, tangling your fingers into his damp curls.
“so, you liked the bracelet then?” he teases, nose bumping against your cheek as he raises his wrist to your eye line.
“i think it needs a clean.” you wrinkle your nose, thinking about what the beads had been exposed to over the last few hours.
“let’s shower, hm? then we can watch the sunrise.” lando suggests, sitting you up slowly.
“you’re gonna need to carry me.” your legs are still quivering.
“anything for you.” he says, hand over his heart.
-
45 minutes later, the sun is sitting pretty, high in the sky.
7:26am, the clock reads. the melbourne skyline glimmers hot with the rise of a new day.
you’re snuggled into his side, wet hair cooling the heat of damp skin. your eyes flutter, barely fighting the urgent need to sleep.
“you have no idea how much i love you.” lando caresses your stringy locks, pushing the hair from your eyes.
your bare bodies mould together, basking in the orange of the dawn.
“love you.” you mutter, brushing your lips against his chest in an open mouthed kiss. “promise i’ll start behaving.” you snicker.
“but baby, you know i love it when you’re bad.”
“okay, i’ll remember that… daddy.” you retort, a teasing lilt to your tone.
he ignores the way his blood rushes south, too conscious of your exhausted body - and his own - to climb on top of you and fuck you until the sun sets once more.
“get some sleep.” he whispers through gritted teeth.
you sink into sleep while he watches over you. the view from the hotel room is gorgeous, breathtaking, but why would he give it even a millisecond of his attention when he has you?
-
head? empty.
-
taglist
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keferon · 2 months ago
Text
Chapter 3 of Blurr’s storyline in Mecha AU!
Previous chapter
“Speaking of Mechs.” continues Blurr, ”That thing's evacuation system sucks. What if you were stunned by the fall? What if something short-circuits and starts a fire???”
Swindle just clenches the glass in his hands. Feels the cold moisture of condensation dripping down onto his fingers.
“Then I'd burn.” he doesn't say
Under the cut⤵️
——————————————————
It's Swindle's birthday.
He thinks it is.
He's pretty sure.
Since he was taken into the program, it's always hard to tell. It's like time flows differently here. He had a calendar, but Brawl put it somewhere a while ago and then forgot where it was. And they're not allowed to have phones yet. Though Swindle assumes Onslaught managed to steal one from someone anyway.
Shit. Where's the calendar?
Swindle remembers the date, but can't remember the month.
There's a strange static tingling sensation in the back of his head. If he turns his head too fast, it'll grow into an unpleasant pricking pain.
The last time in the lab was disgusting.
He can't remember what month it is. He's not even sure why it bothers him so much. Not that birthdays mean anything within the walls of the program.
He stops in the middle of the living room and looks around with a meticulous eye. He's already checked the beds, desk, and nightstands...hah.
“Hey have any of you seen my calendar?”
Vortex, sitting on top of the bunk bed shakes the ash off his cigarette right down into Blast Off's lap.
“Nope.”
“TEX YOU'RE LITTERING ON MY BED.”
“I could have ..torn it up” offers Brawl from across the room.
Swindle turns on his heels and angrily rests his arms at his sides.
“You tore it?”
“I might have,” Brawl scratches the back of his head.
Swindle pinches the bridge of his nose
That's fine. Not that he cares that much. Not that any celebration at all would save the crappy day.
He has some new “experimental” medical procedure scheduled for later, which generally means suffering. Or if he's lucky, some critter will attack the city and instead of squirming on the slab, he'll have to go cuddle with huge nasty beasts. Which is slightly better than the actual procedures. He'd like that to happen. If only his head would also stop buzzing....
“Happy birthday to me” Swindle thinks, sticking his Mech hand under the plates of a particularly ugly monster and pulling something disgustingly oozing green blood out of there. He can see the faces of the random gawkers who didn't have time to evacuate. Ooh, some of them got that nasty stuff on their faces. Swindle has no time to feel sorry for them.
The monster did attack, but it's entirely possible that this monster ended the last meager supply of luck Swindle had. Because somewhere. Something. In his head begins to hurt again and the world in front of his eyes begins to slowly blur and..
ahh FUCK….
The monster grabs him knocks him to the ground and Swindle can literally feel in his bones that something's wrong, but the data from his Mech doesn't give him any useful information. Which isn't that uncommon. These things are glitchy as hell and aren't designed to recognize anything but the most basic popular malfunctions.
The word “error” shines mockingly in his face. Blurring in his eyes and reflecting in red on his uniform.
Error, error, what the hell is this error. He needs to know what's wrong so he doesn't accidentally kill himself, but all this bucket offers him is oops. You're in trouble teeheee~
He can hear the sound of Blast Off's giant cannon in the distance. And the loud rumble where Vortex and Onslaught are trying to get out of the ring of monsters.
His Mech is unresponsive. His damn machine refuses to move and Swindle isn't quite sure if it's the Mech that's the problem, because his head feels like a piece of raw rotten meat and maybe the error meant that what's broken is him.
The monster leans over him, trying to rip off whatever it can rip off and thank god this thing apparently isn't smart enough to realize that the Mech is controlled from the head because it's aiming straight for his chest.
He needs to get out. If he can't get this thing to move, he needs to get the fuck out of it before the alien gets him.
He manages to open the emergency hatch and quietly slip out and ohhhh the world is spinning, this is not bloody good.
He manages to take a few steps before a loud B A N G comes from somewhere above and IS THAT A TRAIN???? Who in their right mind would think of using a fucking train as a throwing weapon???? Is that Brawl? It's got to be Brawl. Oh, Swindle is so gonna kill him.
Because (sadly) in addition to the monster, the train and Swindle, there's also physics involved in this circus.
So while the monster is effectively brought to rest and knocked sideways with a hole in it’s head, the train stops its forward motion and starts its downward motion.
Right onto Swindle's head.
He just has time to think that dying from a train falling out of the sky is a pretty creative death. His legs are shaking, his head is buzzing and he only manages to take half a sluggish step in an attempt to avoid the inevitable when a loud “MOVE” comes to his ears and something yanks him to the side.
The tug sends fire down his spine and head. The ensuing landing reverberates with pain in his shoulder and sides. He barely has time to process the first two sensations until a moment later he hears a rumble so deafening that he thinks his eardrums are about to burst.
Swindle props himself up on his elbows and hisses in pain as the movement causes the back of his head to sting.
“Ah I'll fuckin' kill him...”
A voice comes above him
“Ouw dude. You okay?”
There's.. Some teenager hovering over him. And behind him is lying...the wrecked train...right where Swindle himself was standing a second ago.
The strange teen frowns worriedly and pulls Swindle upright and drags him somewhere else
“Come on, it's best not to be in the open during monster attacks”
“Ah” thinks Swindle ”right. Without Mech you're a pathetic tiny piece of chop begging to be stomped on by Brawl.”
He tries to focus on balance so he doesn't hang too much on this kid.
They find the nearest unlocked door, which turns out to be the entrance to an underground bar.
“So” says the stranger, letting go of Swindle and shaking the dust off his hair ” You're a pilot! That's so cool, but you're kinda small for a pilot.”
Swindle sighs sullenly.
“I'll let you have that one comment about my height because you helped me, but next time you're dead.”
“Helped? I saved your ass.”
“Helped a lot” says Swindle grudgingly. “Thanks.”
The teen laughs and climbs into the bar. It's a mess everywhere, people clearly evacuated in a hurry and threw everything in haste.
“What's your name? Oh, or, wait. Do you guys use code names? I've heard pilots call each other by call signs, but half the time those call signs sound so dumb, I don't see how they can respond to that.”
He waits for the kid to cut off his flow of words to take a breath. Man, what a chatty boy.
“You can call me Swindle.”
“Kay” the kid pulls out a couple glasses ”I'm Blurr. Would you like something Swindle? I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty good at mixing cocktails.”
Swindle looks around the room suspiciously. The bar, even though it's underground, looks pretty good. Too good, in fact. The place is clearly not for the poor.
He walks over to the bar and climbs onto a bar stool. There's no one else in here but them, but the electricity is on so he doesn't doubt for a second that they're being filmed by a security camera right now. Maybe a few even.
Blurr throws him an expectant look.
Swindle pretends to go through his pockets. As if there could be money in them out of nowhere. Then he makes a comically confused face and spreads his hands.
“Oh, no, I think I left my millions at home. What's the cheapest thing you have?”
Blurr snorts.
“Ice is free.”
“I'll take the ice then” nods Swindle.
There is a loud rumbling sound above them. It must be Vortex having fun again bouncing on the aliens that have fallen to the ground, crushing their heads.
Swindle is just. He takes off his helmet, takes a glass of ice and presses it to his head enjoying the way the nasty buzzing recedes.
Blurr waits for the rumbling to recede before speaking again.
“But really. You're a pilot but...uh. Are you even old enough to drink?”
Swindle sends him his best grumpy look. It's not exactly a joke about his height, but it's damn close.
“Are you old enough to pour?”
“Sure,” says Blurr too fast for it to be true. If Swindle had to guess, he'd say the guy in front of him is no older than seventeen. The tattered jeans and the T-shirt with the F1 logo printed on it definitely don't help. And, hey, those headphones look very expensive. So do the sneakers. Kid's clearly from a wealthy family.
Blurr pulls out a bottle of syrup from somewhere and pours it straight into his mouth. Doesn't miss, which is amusing. Doesn't wince, which is frankly impressive. Swindle feels the unbearable sweetness just looking at him.
It suddenly hits him
“Hey, do you have a phone?”
“Sure,” Blurr pours himself more syrup. Swindle twitches.
“What's the day today?”
Blurr's mouth is full of an unimaginable amount of sugar, so he just pulls out his phone and turns its screen toward Swindle and oh...oh. He was wrong about the date. And the month, too. It's not his birthday. His birthday was a week ago...
Does that mean he must be nineteen now? Yeah, that makes him nineteen.
Blurr takes the phone back and slips it into his pocket.
“Your face looks funny.”
“I just realized it's my birthday today,” smiles Swindle.
“Oooooooohh~~~” rejoices Blurr ”Congratulations! It's kind of poetic that you almost died just today. Can you imagine how funny the numbers on your tombstone would have looked.”
Swindle chokes on air.
“That's certainly a very appropriate comment, thank you...”
“Sorry haha said without thinking.” Blurr reaches under the counter again and pulls out a bottle from there “Hey, they have more syrups!”
There's another loud rumble from upstairs.
Blurr presses his head into his shoulders and stares up at the ceiling as if hoping to see something through it.
Swindle puts his elbows and head on the tabletop
“Don't worry, it's just Brawl.”
Blurr doesn't take his eyes off the ceiling
“ You can tell that by the sound of falling concrete?”
Swindle lazily dangles his feet. The chair is high and even the toes of his shoes don't reach the floor.
“Brawl is the loudest. And the heaviest, too. He's always crashing into everything, throwing things and breaking things too. You can hear him a mile away.”
He pauses to listen
“And that kch-ooooooooomm is Blast Off's cannon. It's some super rare experimentally advanced one, so it sounds like something out of a space movie. He couldn't stop bragging about it for half a year when he got it.”
Blurr chuckles and leans his elbows on the counter, relaxing.
“ And this...uh...what's this?”
“That's Vortex, he's our local lunatic. Best not to listen too much to what he does, it's almost always disgusting in ways you would never even consider.”
Blurr makes a disgruntled face and is silent for a couple minutes.
“It's weird hearing you call them by their names. I mean, I kind of always knew Mechs were run by people but you guys are never seen, so most of the time it's just.. Huge robots and huge monsters. You know what I mean. I was actually surprised when I saw you get out of that Mech.”
Swindle just nods. Because, what else is there to add.
“Speaking of Mechs.” continues Blurr, ”That thing's evacuation system sucks. What if you were stunned by the fall? What if something short-circuits and starts a fire???”.
Swindle just clenches the glass in his hands. Feels the cold moisture of condensation dripping down onto his fingers
“Then I'd burn.” he doesn't say
Blurr doesn't seem to notice his glum mood
“Oh, hey. If it's no secret, why did you go into piloting in the first place?”
Because he had no choice? He can't answer that, that information isn't for civilians.
Because he didn't know what he was getting into until it was too late? That's not vague enough either.
Because he was up to his neck in debt and barely into college before a smiling man showed up on his doorstep and offered him good money if he agreed to a couple tests...?
“I had to do it for the people.” Swindle decides to repeat a line of propaganda.
“Ohhhh.... That's...a good reason. The monsters are disgusting, of course. But the reason is cool.”
Swindle just. Holds his glass of melting ice, listens to Blurr's mutterings, and enjoys the peace. This random teenager is not his superior or colleague and has nothing to do with the organization at all. Swindle doesn't have to remember to salute or follow orders or fear being reported to his superiors.
He can just. Be.
Just him and his free ice and his saved for free life.
That's. Sweet.
Blurr's drinking syrup again.
...and a little disgusting.
—————————-
Brawl jumps out of bed, hits his head on a shelf hanging on the wall and drops everything on it onto Blast Off's head
“Swindle!!!” yells Brawl.
“Why are these books sticky???” shrieks Blast Off.
“You don't wanna know~” giggles Vortex.
Swindle sighs.
“You're alive!!!” ignores Blast Off Brawl's complaints. And a second later runs up and pulls Swindle off the floor in a crushing bear hug.
Behind them, Blast Off, with his face wrinkled in disgust, gathers all the dropped books back onto the shelf.
Swindle wheezes pathetically and slaps Brawl's arm with his palm, either to reciprocate the gesture or to beg for mercy
“Br...khaaaaah...Brawl I can't breathh.”
“OH. I'm uh. Here. Wait.”
Brawl puts him back on the floor and runs back to the shelf.
Onslaught, who has peeked into the room, puts a hand on Swindle's shoulder
“You've been gone a long time. Boss said you tried to escape.”
His tone isn't judgmental. And not pressuring. Not even questioning, but Swindle knows Onslaught wants more information. Swindle clutches a piece of napkin with a phone number in his pocket and smiles weakly.
“I've found a...friend? I think?”
Onslaught nods. In a manner that only he knows how to do. Not giving an opinion, not encouraging or condemning. Just taking in the information. Swindle admires him for that.
Behind them, Brawl pulls some piece of paper out from under the books that have just been put away and drops them again
“FUCK!” yells Blast Off. Vortex just starts hooting like a hyena.
“Hey Swindle I found the calendar!” yells Brawl waving the paper.
Swindle frowns in surprise.
“It's a different calendar...”
“I found you a new one.” nods Brawl.
“...Why...is it...it's torn in half?”
“It had stupid flowers drawn on it, so I ripped them off. And I accidentally ripped off more than I needed.”
“Ah,” says Swindle, clutching the calendar, ”That's...Thanks. I forgive you for losing the previous one.”
Behind them, Blast Off is trying to strangle Vortex with a jacket.
------------
Blurr waves his arms happily like a hyperactive windmill.
“Swindle!!!”
Swindle smiles and adjusts his glasses
“Your party can be seen from across city.”
“I know~~” primps Blurr “Are you hungry? There was a snack table around here somewhere.”
“I didn't bring any money.” lies Swindle.
“Hey man, it's a party. Help yourself, it's free.”
“Оh.” Swindle's mood instantly brightens. “All right, then.”
“You look terrible” Blurr decides to share.
Swindle, busy shoveling food into his pockets, nods.
“I've had a rough week. Actually, it'd be cool if you didn't tell anyone you saw me here. I'm kind of not supposed to be here.”
He doesn't elaborate.
Blurr is a civilian. In his mind, a rough week is rude people or an exam or bad weather. Swindle's bad week is strap marks on his wrists and double vision. It's nausea from injections and sleepless nights because Vortex won't stop screaming in his sleep.
Blurr doesn't know that. With him, Swindle can pretend to be somewhat normal.
-----------
“Heeeeey“ says Blurr ‘I haven't seen you in a long time~"
“That” thinks Swindle ”is a pretty standard phrase for both of them.
Blurr looks older. Taller too. He was taller than Swindle before, but now that difference is starting to look almost comical. He's also flaunting a cast on his arm.
“Did you get hurt?”
“Didn't make a turn at training” waves Blurr off “It's no big deal. Wanna go find something to eat?”
Blurr is always trying to feed him, Swindle notices over time. Offers him drinks or snacks or whatever.
“ I like your uh..cap?”
“I got a promotion” Swindle smiles proudly “Me and the guys were made a special group...actually you're not allowed to know more than that, so you'll have to take my word for it when I say we are officially cool.”
He purposely adjusts his cap by the brim so Blurr can get a good look at it.
Blurr makes a delighted sound. Something between a “wow” and a giggle. He generally makes a lot of sounds all the time. Tapping his fingers on every hard surface, stomping in place like he's always late for something, laughing, whistling, clicking his tongue. A human orchestra.
__________
Onslaught sits down next to Swindle and clutches his hands in his lap in front of him. This makes the bed legs squeak pitifully. Onslaught has grown surprisingly large. He can almost rival Brawl in height already. Most people find that intimidating, but Swindle just thinks Onslaught is like a wall. A big, solid concrete wall that's so good to hide behind.
“Be careful with what you tell this guy.”
“Don't worry” says Swindle ”He's not the type of friend you tell secrets to. He's just a fun dude who's great to hang out with.”
Onslaught hums.
“And who feeds you for free.”
“If that's how you're trying to ask me to share, you're not doing a very good job.”
Vortex snaps his fingers as he walks past them
“Hey Swindler, the lab is closed for today. It's your day off.”
“Wha...”
Onslaught tilts his head.
“Vortex. What did you do?”
“I spat in their dna sample vault” proudly proclaims Vortex “and didn't tell them exactly where.”
-----———————-
Blurr frowns.
“Hey...are you okay?”
“No” thinks Swindle.
“My friend died” he says instead.
He's not okay. He feels like an animal caught in a beartrap, trying to chew off its own paw to get free.
Except the trap is closed around Swindle's head and it's not a body part he can afford to lose.
There's been a lot of talk. Even more rumors. Swindle listened but tried not to believe.
And then one of pilots, Shockwave… was taken to the lab and brought back a different damn man and it felt like Swindle had the rug pulled out from under his feet with hot coals underneath.
Because Swindle's boss, with his stupid, rehearsed smile, started writing reports about how “human personality flaws are something that can be fixed. That challenging behavior is something that can be repaired with tools.
Blurr freezes.
“Who?”
“Vortex.”
Because of course it's Vortex. Talented but difficult to handle. Powerful but uncontrollable.
They wanted a pilot who would be a beast on the battlefield and a loyal dog on base. And who else would be a more ideal test subject than him?
Vortex was being very rude that day, even by Vortex standards. Yelling and swearing and throwing things around. Kept saying that no shitty lab could make him “a fucking puppet.”
Scratching the stitches on his head until he started leaving a trail of blood behind him.
He went on a mission.
And never came back.
The reports said it was all the monsters' fault. That Vortex was unstable. That the accident had nothing to do with the new technology. But it was nevertheless suspended.
Swindle is both bitter and amused by this. Vortex would eat the same monsters for breakfast any other day. The bastard was unkillable.
“Oh my god” says Blurr “I'm so sorry to hear that.”
He says something else. Probably comforting. About how Vortex died protecting people, maybe. About Vortex being a hero.
“Vortex,” thinks Swindle, ”loved life. He loved adrenaline and danger and pain and thrill and fear, but he never wanted to die. They did something to him. Something that made him go over the edge.”
Vortex got his head in the trap and ripped it off to escape it.
Swindle knows him and the others are next. And knows that no one but themselves can help them.
---------------------------
Blast Off seems...very quiet. He could never stop complaining about Vortex before. Yelling about the garbage. Resenting the unmade bed and the cigarette ashes.
Vortex's bed remains unmade.
Blast Off regularly cleans everything up, but never wipes away the little circles of ash from the places where Vortex used to put out cigarettes on the furniture.
Onslaught puts his hand on Swindle's shoulder and squeezes. Not hard. Just enough for Swindle to register the gesture as important.
Standing nearby, Blast Off lights a cigarette and leans on Onslaught.
“Ons told me about your plan. I want to join in.”
“What kind of plan? Can I get involved?” inquires Brawl.
Onslaught sighs.
“Repeat after me - I don't know, they don't tell me anything.”
“I don't know, they don't tell me anything.”
“Good job” nods Onslaught “From now on, every time they ask you any - listen. Any! Question about us, you will answer them with this phrase.”
“Got it,” grins Brawl.
Swindle smiles.
“Gentlemen, it's time to violate all that is written, and rewrite all that is violated.”
__________________
Blurr lazily takes his eyes off the phone. He's wearing a racing suit and tons of hairspray. He's shiny and gleaming like a fine collectible figurine that should be on the shelf of an expensive exhibit. He's also bored.
“Sorry buddy, the interview is long over, if you have any questions you'll have to pay for the session.”
Swindle smiles.
“How about one tiny little question?”
Blurr makes funny big eyes.
“SWINDLE!!! I haven't seen you in a thousand years! You...oh I didn't recognize you haha sorry. Nice coat. You quit being a pilot?”
Swindle proudly adjusts his glasses. He's wearing a brand-new, ironed shirt that's exactly his size. Nice neat tie, expensive coat. Swindle isn't surprised Blurr didn't recognize him immediately. Sometimes he looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize himself. After all those years of wearing the pilot's uniform, he felt almost attached to it. And yet here he is.
“You could say I moved.” he winks snarkily, “Up. All the Mechs you see on the streets now are my Mechs~”
Blurr completely forgets about his phone.
“REALLY?? Oh man congrats to you!”
“Thanks” nods Swindle ”You want something to drink? I'm buying.”
———————-
Onslaught adjusts his tie. It's still, years later, a little strange to see him in a uniform instead of a pilot's suit.
“You do realize it's going to be hard to find a person like that, right? We need someone famous enough to be effective and dumb enough to want to save mankind instead of sunbathing on a yacht.”
Swindle adjusts his glasses and leans back in his chair.
Someone outgoing so they can quickly befriend all the right people. Handsome enough to have their face printed on a poster. Smart just enough not to say too much. And not associated with Mecha program so they can't be accused of trying to get promoted through their acquaintances.
Someone who already has everything but still willing to put themselves at risk for the cause.
“You know, I think I have a possible candidate.”
1K notes · View notes
astonmartinii · 4 months ago
Text
i still miss the smoke | ollie bearman social media au
pairing: ollie bearman x fem singer ex reader
where there’s smoke, there’s fire and maybe we miss the warmth
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
y/nfanpage
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liked by kimiantonelli, user1 and 102,309 others
tagged: yourusername
y/nfanpage: folklore is finally out and i say for everyone: thank you y/n!!!! another banger i believe, what did you guys think?
view all comments
user2: my ears have been BLESSED
user3: she really looked inside my brain and created the exact thing i needed
user4: and THIS is why i have a parasocial relationship sorry!
user5: you can tell she's been writing this a long time because she still sounds so in love
user6: i don't want to be that person that makes all her music about the men but like she's so obviously still in love with ollie
user7: she put the songs invisible string and the 1 on this record and didn't think we would see that she's so in love still
user8: maybe she's hoping that he'll listen and call her?
kimiantonelli: HE BETTER FUCKING CALL JESUS CHRIST
this comment has been deleted
user8: why did an account with over a million followers just reply to me and then delete his comment?
user9: babe that was soon-to-be mercedes f1 driver kimi antonelli (he's ollie's current teammate)
user8: WHAT?
user10: surely this is a sign?
user11: mum come pick me up they've made up yet another conspiracy about y/n and ollie getting back together
user12: 1. they're still in love argue with the wall 2. fuck ur mum
user11: excuse me?
user12: i said what i said, kimi commenting has proved the fact ollie clearly misses y/n as much as folklore proves she misses him
user13: as an f1 fan it still actually boggles my mind that ollie was actually with Y/N Y/LN
user14: no it's crazy because when he got called up in saudi arabia the first thing charles said to him was 'why didn't you bring y/n we wanted to meet her'
user15: also like the way the viewer count spiked for saudi with all the y/n fans watching
user16: well some of us didn't leave so now i have another expensive hobby and an unhealthy attachment to both of them
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olliebearman
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liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 409,300 others
tagged: kimiantonelli
olliebearman: back to the action this weekend
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user17: thank you for my daily dose of bearnelli
user18: i can't believe both will be on the f1 grid next year 😭
user19: i hate that they won't be teammates
user20: you can't separate them they're like bonded cats
charles_leclerc: so when are you growing some balls and calling y/n?
olliebearman: huh?
charles_leclerc: answer me quickly oliver or you're not getting my car in FP1
olliebearman: i don't think you can do that?
charles_leclerc: do you wanna find out the hard way?
olliebearman: i know we have this cool father son thing going and i love that but STAY THE FUCK OF MY LOVE LIFE
charles_leclerc: i don't appreciate your tone young man
charles_leclerc: and i loved folklore and want my vinyl signed :P
olliebearman: go to a meet and greet like a normal person?
charles_leclerc: JUST CALL HER FOR FUCK SAKE
user21: so everyone lost their minds over the summer break i see
user22: well i hate to say it but they have a point - y/n is in the likes
user23: they're feeding my delusions i fear
kimiantonelli: we look like a couple here.... which reminds me ... you could be in a relationship ... if you just PICKED UP THE DAMN PHONE
olliebearman: do you fucking mind?
kimiantonelli: don't speak to me like that :(
olliebearman: this is my instagram page?
kimiantonelli: you keep fucking moping and it's bringing the mood down so do something about it for the love of god
olliebearman: stop airing me out online? I SAW UR TWEET
kimiantonelli: and yet she's still in your likes THERE'S STILL TIME JACKASS
user24: we're trusting these fools to drive f1 cars?
yourusername: i can see all of these comments?
this post has been deleted
f1insider
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liked by user25, user26 and 21,843 others
tagged: olliebearman
f1insider: ollie meeting fans this weekend - one fan has stated that when she asked ollie to sign her y/n y/ln shirt he was more than happy to and said that his favourite song from the new album is invisible string and said "i'm still holding my end"
view all comments
user27: so he's freaking out about charles and kimi airing him out in public when he's spouting poetry to random f1 fans
user28: I WAS THE FAN and let me tell you bro was GOING THROUGH IT
user29: how so?
user28: well first of all he did a double take when he first saw my shirt and took time to properly look at it before signing - he knew in less than 5 seconds what his favourite song was and had this far off loved up look when he said about the invisible string
user29: oh he's so down bad
user30: the way i just know kimi was there groaning up a storm
user28: you would be correct
user31: someone needs to get that dude some compensation for real
user32: bro is coming into his f1 career known by the wider community as the guy who is the eternal third wheel to a couple who have been broken up for six months
user33: i'm sorry he can't say he's still holding onto the invisible string and just expect us all to be normal about it ?
user34: you can tell he's been with y/n though because before that the most eloquent thing he's said is when he sent carlos his condolences like he DIED
user35: we can't even say he's doing it for her attention because how did he know that the fan would run to social media
user36: based on how kimi is right now i'd put a lot of money on him going on like this at all times
user37: all this to say i hope they get back together because i think seeing y/n at an f1 race would send me into cardiac arrest
user38: she'd be up there for best ever wag i won't lie
user39: i do think she'd be the best but that's also because arguably ollie is more her wag
user40: they've mastered the lovestruck look of watching the person you love doing what they love
user41: we're all going to look so dumb if they never get back together
user42: SHUSH
yourusername
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liked by kimiantonelli, olliebearman and 3,209,577 others
yourusername: you thought i was done? my bonus track 'the lakes' is out now!
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user43: STUNT ON THEM HOES
user44: this is such a funny comment in the context of how the music actually sounds
user45: okay well she's stepping on the girls' neck and hearing the snap like autumn leaves on the ground
charles_leclerc: amazing song once again y/n!
yourusername: thanks charles :)
charles_leclerc: now, what are we doing about this heartbroken son of mine?
yourusername: excuse me?
charles_leclerc: don't play coy with me miss, i know you're just as pathetically sad as him so why don't you get ur head out of the sand and call him up !!!!
yourusername: you know i saw all of your comments shouting at him to do the same thing
charles_leclerc: i'm standing on business - he was the one who deleted the post
yourusername: does he know you're doing that on my post as well then?
charles_leclerc: don't be stupid i know that fool still has your notifications on i can hear his phone buzzing every time you reply - he's trying to play it cool in the engineering meeting
yourusername: and you don't have to?
charles_leclerc: i told them it was a family emergency
yourusername: charles ????
charles_leclerc: whether you like it or not you are my grid daughter in law and so it does personally pain me when you IDIOTS don't see what is right in front of you - it's not like you have to use messenger pigeons, you can make it work
user46: i know ollie is going to have a heart attack when he finally reads this comments
charles_leclerc: he just snuck to the toilet and i could hear him drop his phone from the meeting room
olliebearman: STOP ARE YOU INSANE
olliebearman: also this is not "family drama" i was genuinely worried something had happened :/
yourusername: come on ollie you should know not to trust that man by now
user47: i know ^^ this is crazy but like bro THE LAKES ??? i swear in an interview y/n spoke about it was her and ollie's dream to spend christmas by the lakes?
user48: WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
user49: plus the replies??? basically remarried
user50: genuine question for everyone in the comments talking about her getting back with this mystery man - why did they even break up?
user51: ollie was starting his f2 season that was going to secure him an f1 drive and y/n was starting an album cycle and finishing a tour so they broke up because of distance :(
user52: NOT FOR LONG :P
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olliebearman
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liked by charles_leclerc, kimiantonelli and 1,204,377 others
tagged: yourusername
olliebearman: i took her to the lakes where all the poets went to die (i didn't let her die)
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user54: WE HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE BACK
user55: shout out to kimi antonelli, you survived king
yourusername: you're such a cutie pie
olliebearman: just for you
yourusername: thanks for pushing me in the water and insisting on giving me mouth to mouth .... i think it might have been a front to kiss me tho
olliebearman: sue me, i've missed it :(
yourusername: you'll never be without it ever again
olliebearman: yay 🥳 🎉 😀 !!!!!!!!!
user56: why is he such a fucking nerd when his gf tells him she loves him
user57: he's so fucking real
charles_leclerc: FUCKING FINALLY
kimiantonelli: don't pretend you were on the front line old man
charles_leclerc: old man???? i'm 27
kimiantonelli: okay grandpa do you need directions to the nursing home
charles_leclerc: coming at me when fernando exists is a choice
kimiantonelli: i don't see fernando here complaining up a storm ?
fernandoalo_oficial: i am not taking sides here but the one time i have had a full conversation with ollie this season was during the pre-race parade and he spoke about y/n the whole time
yourusername: awwwww that's so cute bear :3
olliebearman: i told you i am obsessed with you
kimiantonelli: you don't say
olliebearman: just because you can't make references to bearnelli being real now
kimiantonelli: it's not real /??????????
yourusername: ???????
user58: just got her boyfriend back and is immediately has to battle his homoerotic situationship with his teammate
yourusername: i will never be free
olliebearman: he's just a funky lil guy babe, it would be rude to leave him out
kimiantonelli: yeah i'll take it!
kimiantonelli
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liked by lewishamilton, olliebearman and 731,044 others
tagged: olliebearman, yourusername
kimiantonelli: WAR IS OVER
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user59: the way this man will never let them forget anything about this
user60: i know he's getting his evidence for his best man speech
kimiantonelli: you make a great point
olliebearman: that's a bold assumption that you would be my best man?
kimiantonelli: do not piss me off this morning oliver
yourusername: you can be my man of honour kimi :)
kimiantonelli: score !!!
olliebearman: how did we get here?
yourusername: i am weaponising your homoerotic tension against you
olliebearman: sure, you got me there
user61: are these people ever normal?
user62: nope!
user63: i know the merc and haas PR teams are shaking in their boots
user64: tbf i think haas will be welcoming it - i mean all the y/n fans will probably get the ollie merch next year ?
haasf1team: WE LOVE YOU Y/N 🥰
haasf1team: new wheel guns here we come - thanks y/n fans!
yourusername: thanks for being our lil messenger pigeon for these rough six months, we love you kimi <3
olliebearman: we're so lucky to have someone like you in our lives, forever grateful
kimiantonelli: i know i complained the whole time, i love you guys and i'd go through this weird three way conversation all over again
charles_leclerc: okay now this is all done @yourusername when are you coming to the paddock i have a lot of vinyls for you to sign!
yourusername: you've been very loud throughout this whole situation, why should i?
charles_leclerc: BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR MUSIC
charles_leclerc: and plus i do really want the best for both of you so i let kimi play nice cop
kimiantonelli: you were NOT in on this?
charles_leclerc: YOU'RE WELCOME 😉
olliebearman: let's all smile and wave
yourusername: 😃
kimiantonelli: 😃
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yourusername
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liked by kimiantonelli, charles_leclerc and 4,298,400 others
tagged: olliebearman
yourusername: i knew you were still the 1 for me x
view all comments
user66: back to flexing their love on us again
user67: i am cripplingly lonely but i am so happy for them
user68: honestly i think i've been through this breakup with them i also deserve compensation
yourusername: i only got so many hampers i'm sorry gal
maxverstappen1: is now an okay time to ask for tickets to the tour?
yourusername: yes! i'll grab you at a race and we can discuss what shows you want (spoiler alert it mostly lines up with the f1 calendar)
yourusername: also @charles_leclerc take notes on how to ask for things
maxverstappen1: schooled again bozo @charles_leclerc
charles_leclerc: EXCUSE ME I AM NUMBER 1 Y/N FAN ON THE GRID I AM ALLOWED TO BE INSANE ABOUT HAVING YOU IN THE PADDOCK
olliebearman: .... you're the biggest y/n fan on the grid?
charles_leclerc: you of course don't count
yourusername: you know what? sure! i'm just confused at this point
user69: i think this six month breakup rotted all of our brains at this point
user70: charles being a y/n fan makes a lot of sense tbf
user71: at least he didn't do the corny thing of just pretending his gf is a fan
olliebearman: i did say i'm still holding onto the end of the invisible string
yourusername: and if i told you i never let go either
olliebearman: then i know we were always meant to be
yourusername: ugh i love you
olliebearman: i love you more
kimiantonelli: i love you guys too :D
yourusername: 😭 😭 😭 we love you too kimi
olliebearman: we love you kimi :3
fin.
note: my ass finally finished a draft GOOD LORD and a first one for OLLIE !!!!!!!
1K notes · View notes
archiverstappen · 11 months ago
Text
appendix touch ✧ max verstappen
max verstappen x ferrari! fem! reader
masterlist
the beloved ferrari heiress just had her appendix removed, and now the whole world is convinced that she's going to start an epidemic
[messages]
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[instagram]
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[twitter]
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[instagram]
yn_ferrari
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liked by maxverstappen1 and 1.735.028 others
yn_ferrari I understand that, without my agreement, my father has put out an instagram story this afternoon that makes it seem like I’m dying. This is true, I do feel like I’m dying. I’m having my appendix removed.
view all 1.832 comments
maxverstappen1 Will get that win for you 💙
↳ yn_ferrari no, thanks ❤️
↳ papaferrari Please let Carlos/Charles win for Y/N’s faster recovery 😊
username SHE’S SO UNSERIOUS 😭
oscarpiastri 🤨
↳ yn_ferrari poet of the century
alex_albon Been there, done that
↳ yn_ferrari teach me your ways, master
username THANK GOD IT’S JUST AN APPENDIX
username get well soon mother
carlossainz55 Get well soon, mi hermana 😂
↳ yn_ferrari soy lago
↳ landonorris stop copying me 😒
charles_leclerc Fake 🤭
↳ yn_ferrari i’ll pinch your appendix with my bare hands so you’d know how it feels
↳ alexandrasaintmleux 😨
↳ yn_ferrari look away, my love 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
scuderiaferrari Get well soon, Boss ❤️
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scuderiaferrari
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liked by papaferrari and 2.736.991 others
scuderiaferrari Patient 0, Patient 1, and Charles 😄 The gang is finally back in a land down under 🦘
tagged yn_ferrari, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc
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username Y/N YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM CHARLES 😭
papaferrari My children 🧒🧒🧒
username favorite trio ever
username the fact that we won't be seeing them together again next year 😞
yn_ferrari admin... what's with the caption? 🙂
↳ scuderiaferrari Hi boss, please don't fire me
charles_leclerc I'm a survivor ❤️‍🩹
↳ yn_ferrari you're next 👹
↳ papaferrari Don't say that kind of thing, I can't have all of my children go through the same surgery three weeks in a row
↳ charles_leclerc 🤪🤪🤪 yn_ferrari
↳ carlossainz55 We'll try again next time yn_ferrari
username she's got that appendix touch, because every appendix that she touches starts to burst 🤷‍♀️
↳ yn_ferrari HELP 💀
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yn_ferrari
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yn_ferrari beyond proud of what you guys achieved today, words can't describe how i feel! and no, contrary to popular belief i had nothing to do with max's dnf 😮‍💨
ps. someone said i've got the appendix touch, soo... if you're interested just hit me up
view all 3.122 comments
maxverstappen1 🙍‍♂️
maxverstappen1 Enjoy it while it lasts, Schat 😑
↳ yn_ferrari I will 😽
redbullracing You're temporarily banned from our garage🙏
↳ yn_ferrari I DIDNT DO ANYTHING?!
↳ redbullracing A source spotted you touching the rear wing of Max's car 💔
↳ yn_ferrari THAT'S A LIE.... scuderiaferrari STEP UP?
↳ scuderiaferrari Sorry, we're too focused on celebrating P1 and P2
↳ mercedesamgf1 Wow, can't relate scuderiaferrari
username why is there a video of you running down the pitlane after race, pls explain 😭
↳ yn_ferrari i was watching the race with max at red bull’s hospitality 🏃‍♀️💨
carlossainz55 Us 1 - Appendicitis 0 🍾
↳ yn_ferrari yes sir 🫡
charles_leclerc Can I have my appendix removed too? papaferrari
↳ papaferrari No
landonorris Do mine next, I need to win
alex_albon Can I have my appendix removed again?
↳ yn_ferrari control your man lilymhe 😭
↳ lilymhe bffr 🤬
username FORZA FERRARI SIEMPRE
↳ yn_ferrari rrrAAAGHHHH 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
scuderiaferrari We're so happy, our appendix literally burst 🥹
↳ username new merch idea?
↳ scuderiaferrari Noted 📝
papaferrari Dinner on me tonight 😎 carlossainz55 charles_leclerc
↳ charles_leclerc Finally
↳ carlossainz55 On my way!
↳ maxverstappen1 Can I come too?
↳ papaferrari I guess so, Y/N would be mad if I didn't invite you
↳ charles_leclerc Max got a pity invite 🤭
↳ yn_ferrari KEEP MY BOYFRIEND'S NAME OUT OF YOUR F-ING MOUTH
↳ lewishamilton Can i come? 🤔
↳ carlossainz55 My wound is still fresh...
↳ yn_ferrari LET HIM HAVE THIS ONE, SIR. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR 🤗
--
pictures (c) to pinterest and instagram
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darknight3904 · 4 months ago
Text
𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘰
𝘓𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘏𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵 𝘹 𝘍𝘦𝘮!𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳
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𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘖𝘷𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵, 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘓𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘥…
𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘭 & 𝘞𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘦 (2024).
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵.
𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦. 𝘌𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵 𝘚𝘮𝘶𝘵 18+
𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1.9𝘬
𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰����𝘨 𝘣𝘺 𝘚𝘢𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳.
𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 / 𝘚𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 / 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵
It was an understatement to say Logan Howlett was good-looking. Every day waking up next to him was like an episode of America's, or well, Canada's next top model.
If there was a god up there, you wanted to thank them for whatever was in Logan's genetics, Even now, with messy hair and half awake, he was giving you butterflies.
"Quit starin', bub." Logan huffs as he brushes by you to get to the coffee maker.
You swore he was some alien from another planet. Seriously, how was he this hot?
Even at work, you found yourself daydreaming about him.
"Y'know, you're not paid to slack off." Matt huffed as he rearranged a shelf that some kid had messed up.
Your coworker's words had you groaning in annoyance. How could he be so inconsiderate? Interrupting your thoughts like that?
"The shop is literally empty!" You huff looking around at the little bookstore.
"Well, if I don't have a hot boyfriend to dream about, I don't see why you should get the privilege to." Matt grinned
"Whatever." You roll your eyes, "Not my fault he's the whole package."
Nearly a week had passed since you had gotten to have real alone time with Logan. Between work, running Laura around, and Wade's impromptu visits to your shared apartment, you and Logan hadn't seen much of each other.
Normally, you'd be able to accept this, after all life was busy. But, today it was like someone had lit a fire under you and the only way to put it out was with Logan in between your thighs.
Perhaps it was just because it was ovulation week, but all you could think about was getting home and pulling Logan into bed with you. God, you missed him so much...you were a ball of hormones and want as your mind wandered, imagining little versions of you and Logan running around the apartment, terrorizing Laura and Wade when he visited.
Friday night was often filled with stress, usually, you were sitting on uncomfortable metal bleachers, watching Laura's soccer games. But, this week was different, the game had been rained out and Laura had convinced you and Logan that she could sleep over at a friend's house.
The soft clink of keys had you turning towards the front door. Finally, Logan was home.
"I'm back." He announced as your cat, Jingle jumped from your lap to greet the man.
"Missed you." You smile as he plops down on the couch next to you, pressing his lips to your forehead briefly
"Wade kept me out longer than I thought he would." Logan says, "His fucking mouth is going to get him killed one day."
"If he could die." You snort
Logan lets out an amused scoff as he pulls you into his lap, eagerly pressing a kiss to your neck. His hands are a welcome weight as they settle on your hips, squeezing at the soft flesh there.
"Laura at her friends?" He asks with a coy smile
"Mmhm. Dropped her off myself." You say, wiggling your hips a bit in anticipation.
" Gonna take a shower," He says, "Meet me in the bedroom?"
You giggle and smile at the mischievous look on his face.
"Make it quick." You press a kiss on his cheek.
The scent of Logan's shampoo wafts down the hallway as you shimmy into something you've been keeping a secret for a few weeks. A lacy blue babydoll lingerie dress sits on your body as you quickly step into the matching thong it came with. You stand in front of the full-length mirror Logan hung on the back of the door to your shared bedroom.
You mess around with your hair, trying to find the perfect look, and then swipe on a strawberry-flavored gloss, one of Logan's favorites. You can't help but feel a bit giddy as you take in your appearance. Messy hair, shiny lips, and the perfect little number on your frame, you're sure to drive Logan even crazier than he already was for you.
The squeaking of the bathroom door's hinge's have you whirling around, unsure if you should lay on the bed, or perhaps sit on the edge.
You don't get a chance to make up your mind as Logan pushes the bedroom door open. A deep green towel is wrapped around his waist as your eyes greedily roam his perfect torso.
Logan sucks in a breath as he crosses the room to be closer to you. A big hand runs up your side, ghosting over your chest and then back down to land on your waist.
"Where'd you get this?" He smiles, eyes anywhere but your face.
"bought it a couple of weeks ago." You softly say, suddenly shy under his gaze, "Do you like it?"
"Love it." Logan smiles, meeting your eyes and letting the towel drop from his waist.
You let him push you down into the soft sheets of your shared bed, moaning a bit when his hands begin to wander.
Warm lips press against your neck, and then your collarbone, and then they begin to trail down to your chest. Logan's hands push the thin straps of your dress off your shoulders and his mouth begins to softly tease one of your nipples while one hand delivers feather-light touches over your panties to the mess between your legs.
Logan's mouth leaves your chest as he pulls you to the edge of the bed, letting his knees hit the ground as he gently pushes your legs apart. His hands pull your panties down and you hear a deep groan when the wet fabric finally hits the floor.
"Missed her," Logan says, pressing a miss to your upper thigh
You roll your eyes at his comment, he had recently taken up talking to your cunt, referring to it as her.
A loud moan escapes your lips as he buries his head between your thighs, licking up your slit and gently sucking at your clit.
"Ugh, Logan..." You groan, you're extra sensitive after a week apart.
Your hips jump off the bed when he slips two fingers into you, pressing at the spongy part that only he can reach.
"Fuck-" You gasp as he sucks at your clit again, this time rougher than the last.
Finally, this is what you needed, you groaned again as you pictured what was coming next. Your stomach tightened with need for release as your cunt wept and ruined the sheets below you. You were desperate for his cock, craving the way you knew it'd stretch you out, putting an end to the past week of torture.
Logan pushes your hips back down as your body goes taut and your orgasm takes over. Your hands tug at his soft brown hair as your chest heaves.
Logan presses a kiss to your clit one more time before sitting back, his eyes looking up at you.
"Not bad." You sigh, a dopey smile on your face
Logan lets out a scoff as he stands up and pulls you further up the bed with him. You greedily run your hands down his chest, admiring the way his muscles tense as your fingertips tease them.
"Greedy," Logan comments as you pull him on top of you
"Can't help it." You sigh, "I've missed you."
"I can tell. She's like a fucking waterpark down there." Logan laughs as he presses a kiss to your forehead.
"You're gross." You comment as you feel your face heat up
"Only for you," Logan says
You suppose you might've had a clever retort but the push of the cock that you had craved all week long has you shutting your mouth.
Logan's hips gently meet yours as he sets a slow pace. A quiet moan leaves his lips as you wiggle below him. The stretch of him is as good as you remember but you need more.
"Harder." You groan as he looks down at you
"Don't wanna hurt you, sweetheart," Logan says worriedly
You a frustrated breath tumbles from your lips as you wiggle your hips unhappily. Logan was always so considerate and gentle with you. Always taking his time and making sure you were okay. He was truly ethereal in the bedroom. But, right now he was driving you nuts.
Logan lets out a loud oof as you push him off you and down onto the bed. You can tell he's confused as you settle yourself into his lap and reach into the bedside drawer.
A smirk plays on his lips as a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs come into his line of sight.
"Those for you?" He asks, "Want me to tie you up, bub?"
You roll your eyes as he plays with the thin strap of the lingerie that had fallen off your shoulders.
"They're for you." You smile as you grab his wrists, pulling them behind his head so he's stuck to your bed frame.
Logan's smile falters a bit but he lets you maneuver his arms anyway, "I can break these, easily."
"But you won't." You whisper into his ear and bite at the flesh there
"But I won't." Logan softly says, his eyes following your figure
Warm butterflies swim in his stomach as you line him up with your cunt again. He's never tried this position with you before, fearing it might be too much, after all, he wasn't the smallest guy around.
A soft groan leaves your lips as you sink down on him again. He feels your nails dig into his shoulders a bit as his head falls back a bit.
"New position?" He asks, regaining his confidence when he sees you're not in pain
"Mmhm." You say, focused on moving your hips
Logan's eyes widen as he lets you take what you want. The soft fuzz on the handcuffs tickles his skin as he itches to run his hands up and down your pretty body.
"Careful," He cautions you as you roughly move your hips above him
"Logan..." You groan, your eyes squeezed shut
He groans, as your pace quickens. The lust that clouds his brain is a tough fog that he can barely think through. He's worried that you're going to hurt yourself like this.
"M-Missed you so much." You confess, "Been thinking about you all damn week."
"Yeah?" Logan smiles and presses a kiss to your collarbone
"Yeah..." You sigh, "I've been so fucking horny lately."
Perhaps it's your admission or the lacy little thing that has yet to come off your body, or the new position, Logan's not entirely sure, but something in him snaps. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so worried about treating you like some delicate little flower.
The handcuffs don't stand a chance as he frees himself, from them. His hands come up and he quickly pulls out of you. A loud frustrated whine leaves your lips as you let him manhandle you.
"Logan I want to-"
He cuts you off as he spins you around and presses your chest down into the bed. You can feel the way he towers over you as he palms your ass, clearly liking the way it's on display for him.
"Have you ever tried this one?" His deep voice crowds your mind as he pushes into you again. A long moan leaves your lips as he chuckles at your submission.
A wonton cry leaves your lips below him as he finally moves his hips, cock hitting all the right places inside you.
Finally, you were getting what you wanted.
Not me disappearing into the void and then coming back and deciding it's the perfect time to write a bunch of smut...
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xqueen-of-disasterx · 5 months ago
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𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 (𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝟕) - 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞
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𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, alpha!Nat, omega!reader, breeding kink, omega vers, hormone controlled sex, soft sex?
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐲: While on the run of a failed mission you failed to take your heat suppressions luckily Natasha is there to help
𝐀/𝐍: If you'd ask me to spoil what I'll write for half time I'd have to say it gets nerdy if you know 🙃
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Natasha pulled you swifty with her as your cover had blown up in your faces, you ran through the tight alleys, feeling like prey in the eyes of your hunters. “We need to get a car” Natasha called, running in the direction of the highway. She pulled the driver out of his car not caring about stealing from a random man, this was a life or death situation. The first time in a long time you could breathe through. “Are you okay?” She asked, as she maneuvered the car through the streets. 
“Yes I’m fine… just some scratches” You reassured her but she was still skeptical. “If you say so…” She mumbled under her breath, her grip on the steering wheel relaxing “We need to keep it calm for the next few days, I know a safe house around here” A few days? You couldn’t handle being without your heat suppressions  for so long. You’d go into heat, while trapped in a safe house with an unmated alpha. 
Being one of the few omegas in all of S.H.I.E.L.D, wasn’t easy but you learned to not show what you truly were. Always on your heat suppressions and acting like any other Beta would make your life so much easier. You couldn’t imagine working with a bunch of hormonal alphas who thought just because you weren’t mated yet, that they had the right to be creeps towards you. If you had the chance you tried to convince Hill that you’d be put on missions with betas or other omegas but it wasn’t always possible. 
Sure Natasha was one of the most respectful alpha’s you knew, even though she was an infamous bachelorette. Even her self control would have a breaking point. 
The safe house was a few hours away from any civilization, a few hours away from a drug store selling heat suppressions. But then again how would you explain the whole situation to Natasha, which would blow your cover. 
The safe house was only a small cabin covered in the white snow falling from above. Natasha opens the door for you to reveal the small inside of the cabin, the  only sounds being the quiet drops of water hitting the skin so that the pipes wouldn’t freeze. “Quite cozy” She joked, closing the door behind you. 
“That’s one way of putting it” You smiled “I’ll try to make some fire maye you can look for some cans of food” She nodded opening the draws of the small kitchen counters “But I’ll have to warn you everything I cook ends up burnt” You had to laugh, a woman being a perfectionist at everything she did couldn’t cook? “Damn I wouldn’t have expected that” You piled up some of the wood in the fireplace before lighting it. 
As soon as the warmth filled the room your body relaxed in an instant. Natasha heated up some soup in the cans and handed it to you, its sight was cozy as you both sat in front of the fireplace, and your hormones filled brain suddenly thought that being mates with Natasha wouldn’t be that bad, right?
You woke up bathed in sweat in the middle of the night as you felt your heat creeping up. You felt the strong urge to nest, but with what? You piled up as many pillows and blankets as you could find. Thanked god that on a rare occasion Natasha wasn’t dressed in her suit instead her clothes were neatly folded on a chair. You even found your holy grail there, her hoody and it smelled so good.
You mind was blank as you cuddled in your pile fighting the urge to hump on of the pillows, you whimpered feeling the slick run down your legs as Natasha could smell you in her sleep. She grew restless, her urges fighting through as she woke up with a confused look on her face. 
“Y/N” She asked into the dark, only earning a whimper from your throat. Her curiosity got the better of her as she stood up from her bed feeling her dick harden in her boxers as she smelled your heat. “Need you alpha” you whined, your radical thinking being turned off by your need for the other woman. 
“Damn, can I help you?” She whispered and you nodded eagerly, you needed nothing more in this world than her knot. “Yes” You mewled, spreading your legs for her. In her haze she didn’t think twice before kissing you. You pulled her into your pile of blankets as she wasted no time on foreplay. 
She hastily pulled her boxers down to reveal her hard cock to you, she knew you were ready for her judging by the slick running down your flush thighs. “Please” You cried pulling her closer, she aligned herself with your tight hole groaning as she filled you up. Sure she had slept with other omegas but never while they were in heat. The tightness of your cunt was an addicting feeling as she let you adjust to her grid. “You feel so good” She sighed “You’re addicting” She mumbled her hips picking up as she started to fuck you. 
“Natasha!” You cried, scratching over her back which only made her thrusts harder. “More!” You demanded and to your surprise she complied. “You want to be breed?! You want my pups!?” She mocked already knowing your answer. “Yes!” 
Her dick thrusts against your g- spot, making you see stars as you came around her dick before she did. “Fuck I’m close; I’m gonna knot you” Her hips stilled as she filed you up with her knot, making you whimper like a bitch in heat. Her teeth sunk into your neck and she was sure that she felt a mating mark. She collapsed on top of  you, after having knotted you for the first time. 
The next morning she woke up with an arching head arch. She was confused after all they hadn’t had any drinks yesterday nor was she used to having hangovers. Her eyes widened as she looked down on you and the memories flooded back, she had mated you… . 
@jolyssereed
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falling-endlessly · 1 year ago
Text
The Finer Things in Death
Alastor x Soulmate!Female!Reader
Summary: An AU where your soulmate's first words to you are tattooed on your body in their handwriting.
Oh dear, where's your smile?
You knew those words by heart. Could recite them backwards, in your sleep even. Those damning words have been inscribed on the inside of your ankle for as long as you could remember, the elegant cursive strokes poking out of your shoe line.
In theory, somewhere, someone else was supposed to be sporting your own neat, boxy handwriting. You'd say you lucked out with yours. Some soul marks were less than pleasant, and others were downright embarrassing (imagine having the words move, asshole written on your stomach for the rest of your life. No thank you).
At least your soulmate was trying to cheer you up, right?
Yeah, but there was just one teeny, tiny problem.
Your soulmate was dead. Long dead actually.
Were they stillborn? Did their toddler self die in a house fire or something? Night after night you laid awake in your bed, pondering what the hell could have possibly happened to have altered the entire course of fate.
All you really knew was that your soul mark was a light gray (indicating a severed bond) instead of the usual inky black, and it had been since the day you were born. Everyone was in shock to see the faint words on your little ankle. After all, how could a soul mark exist if the other person wasn't even alive to speak those words into existence?
Simply put, you were a conundrum, and it had been some time since you had dedicated effort into figuring out why? You'd accepted it. Your soulmate was dead. Life went on.
Besides, you'd spent enough time grieving over someone you'd never met before.
Your lifestyle was not extravagant by any means, but it was comfortable. You had a steady income, lived on your own in an apartment in the city, and survived off of more than ramen bowls. Every day you would come home and read in your little fluffy alcove that you'd built yourself by your window, or pop open a bag of chips (and the occasional bottle of wine, if you were feeling fancy) while you watched the latest crime show releases from your couch.
Yes, so comfortable was your little routine, that you didn't notice the robbery happening in the convenience store you were browsing in, or the stray bullet coming for your head until it was too late. Your skull exploded in a world of pain, eyes rolling back as your body crumpled to the ground.
Dying was an interesting experience, to say the least. Your soul floated from your body, the final notes of music that blasted from your earphones fading into nothingness like the sound of a car driving away.
There was a brief moment where you were struck numb, hovering in the air as you stared down at your glassy eyed corpse, blood pooling alarmingly from the circular shaped hole in your head. You heard screams of the other customers behind you, but they were kind of muffled, like you were underwater.
It didn't last long though, because before you knew what was happening, you felt an almighty tug downwards,  like an anchor had just chained itself to your stomach.
And that was how you ended up in hell. Fun. What were you here for? You had no idea. Maybe God got mad that your teenage self stole a few packs of gummy bears in high school. But a life of eternal damnation and suffering seemed a little harsh, didn't it?
Before you could contemplate the semantics of it though, something...strange happened. Your ankle, right where you'd tried countless times to forget your soul mark existed, was burning like a fucking brand.
You hissed sharply in pain, frantically pulling down your sock to assess the damage. Was the eternal punishment starting already or something? Shit, you had terrible pain tolerance.
But what you saw made you gasp. In fact, you could hardly believe your eyes.
Because in the place of your faded grey soul mark, the letters had been reinvigorated, darkened with a swift hand and—glowing they were glowing holy shit.
"Hah," you huffed in disbelief, shaking your head slowly. "So that was it, huh? I was destined to meet my shitty soulmate in hell this whole fucking time?" You punctuated the last words with a few angry kicks to an unassuming patch of weeds. What a cosmic joke at your existence.
But, like you always did in shitty situations, you gathered all of your raging emotions, stuffed them tightly in a box at the back of your mind, and cooled your head. Freaking out in this place would do you no good.
Turned out hell was pretty much like the world you'd left, except for the fact that you could kill someone on the street and nobody would bat an eye. Like all of the depraved aspects of humanity were on full display now in a somehow still functioning society.
You managed to snag a job at an old record store, the owner giving you one look before grunting and gesturing to the register—but not before lifting his jacket to show you the long assault riffle strapped across his chest. Yeesh, you got the message.
It wasn't a bad job by any means, especially considering where you were. Sure a little boring and monotonous, but you'd restock thousands of old albums if it meant staying away from the overlords.
Oh, yeah, another thing. Overlords were like the big shots around hell. Messing with them usually meant a death sentence, or worse, a contract.
And if there was anything at all that you picked up from all those nights of watching television, it was that you do not make deals with the devil. Really, elementary level shit. And you'd never actually seen Lucifer, mind you, but these demons were probably a close second, right?
Yeah, so really, you were just living a shittier variant of your life on earth it seemed. Repetitive, safe and comforting. You were even starting to like the scent of musty cardboard, as weird as that was.
And once again, all thoughts of your soulmate slipped your mind.
Until one day, when everything went to shit.
****
It started like this: with the sad sight of your empty fridge.
You groaned, dragging a tired hand down your face. Seriously? You thought you'd restocked already, damn it. 
Your stomach growled achingly, and you sighed, wondering if you'd actually die again if you starved yourself. Begrudgingly, you decided that you didn't really want to chance it, throwing on the first set of clothes that you saw and slipping out of your dingy apartment to make a quick grocery run.
You generally hated leaving your apartment, and didn't do so except to retrieve bare necessities or walk across the block to go to work.
Why? Well, see exhibit A to your left: some poor, random demon screeching and running around on fire. See exhibit B to your right: a turf war between two rival gangs. And finally how could you forget, cannibal colony, slurping up intestines like bloody, chunky spaghetti. Disgusting.
The worst thing about hell wasn't the fact that you were in hell, it was the fact that the worst of the worst people were all cramped together like some fucked up refugee camp, and some people were significantly worse than others. Which sucked, for the poor unfortunate souls just trying to get by. Like you.
You sighed, ducking under a stray stream of bullets (you weren't falling for that shit twice) and side stepping pools of blood and guts. Just a regular Monday morning in hell. God damn it.
It seemed luck wasn't on your side though, because an ugly, dog-headed demon blocked your path, sneering down at you smugly. "Hey bitch, it's your lucky day. The big boss is hiring, and you fit the profile."
You clenched your grocery bags in a white-knuckled grip. Nobody would give a flying fuck if you were dragged off of the street in broad daylight. "Not interested."
"Oh it wasn't a suggestion," he chuckled darkly. You tensed as you were surrounded by at least four other demons. Shit, you knew you should have slept in.
"You like apples?" You nodded sharply at the demon in charge.
His face twisted in annoyance. "Why the fuck do y—"
You reached into your bag, before hurling a granny smith straight at his forehead. He yelped as it made contact, stumbling back as he shook his head in confusion. While everyone was still in shock from your weapon of choice, you shoved your way out of the circle, gunning it straight down the street because your second life did depend on it.
"Get her!" You heard a yell of absolute rage, making you shiver. Fuck, that did not sound promising. That apple must have really pissed him off.
Putting your limited aerobics to use, you ducked, dodged and lunged through the crowd like a pro. Your heart pounded wildly in your chest, air burning your lungs as you pumped your legs faster. But of course, your grocery bag ripped open, sending all of your food tumbling and you by extension, tripping and face planting in the dirt rather pathetically.
A meaty hand gripped a handful of your hair, yanking it up harshly. You cried out as he pulled, hands uselessly trying to smack his away, but his hold only tightened. A liquor-filled breath and cheap cologne invaded your senses, making you cough.
"Uppity bitch," he growled, giving your scalp a painful yank for good measure. "You actually thought you could get away? Maybe I should teach you a lesson, huh? Sample the goods."
You froze, every nerve in your body going cold. So far in your stay in hell, you'd managed to avoid the more depraved souls here. You kept your head down, didn't draw attention to yourself, and were mostly left alone. Looked like today, your luck had finally run out.
"Get the hell off of me!" You spat, twisting around vehemently, only for your head to snap to the side as you were harshly backhanded.
"Stop your fucking whining and stay still!" He snapped, narrowing his eyes.
You bared your teeth, snapping at him aggressively.
A round of mocking chuckles went around the group of your kidnappers, the one holding your hair giving you a wicked grin. "Shit, that was cute. Really—"
He didn't get to finish his sentence, because his head exploded. Literally exploded, blood and brain matter dripping from your face. His hand went slack, dropping you on your wobbling knees.
Everyone was silent for a second, staring at the bloody mess where the demon was standing two seconds prior.
And that was when you heard it. Static. Loud, crackling and ominous.
Your mouth went dry. Shit. Shitty shit shit. You knew what that meant. How could you not? The asshole broadcasted his killings all over hell like a fucking psychopath. And now, it was your turn to become hell's gory entertainment. Fan-fucking-tastic.
You stood frozen, breath stuck in your throat as dark, menacing tendrils slowly curled along the walls. A large, grinning shadow rounded the corner, before the culprit himself stalked into view, razor sharp teeth on display as he tilted his head. "Oh," his grin widened. "Am I interrupting?"
"N-No man," one of the braver demons stuttered, taking a step back. "You can have her—"
Splat.
You turned slowly to face the bloody wall, eyes wide in disbelief.
"How distasteful," the radio demon shook his head. "As if I'd participate in your brainless thuggery. No, no. Unlike you gentlemen, I have class. Truly," his eyes lit up like glowing radio dials, a dark shadowy mass rising behind him as his antlers branched out like a gnarled, rotten tree. "Did your mother never teach you any manners?"
Faster than you could blink, the demons around you were reduced to blood, cartilage and splintered bone. The overwhelming irony scent made you want to gag, but you didn't dare move a muscle, eyes fixated on the terrifying sight before you.
When the radio demon noticed your staring, his smile sharpened, antlers shrinking as he leisurely approached you. Oh no. Nononono.
You struggled to keep from hyperventilating, your body going into shock as he leaned into your personal space. Two bloody fingers pushed into your cheeks, forcing your mouth into a morbid, artificial smile. "Oh dear," he tutted in amusement. "Where's your smile?"
You jerked back violently, eyes wide as icy cold realization washed over you. Dread squeezed your lungs as you stared at the grinning, bloody figure of your soulmate in horror.
The radio demon. Psychopath and mass murderer.
Your soulmate.
What the FUCK.
"T-This," your voice shook. "This is not happening."
There was a sudden screech of radio static, before his own eyes widened. Shit. "What," he said sharply. "Did you just say?"
"A-Ah," you trembled, leaning back. Every single nerve in your body was alight, screaming at you to get the ever-loving fuck away from him.  In what was probably the stupidest and most desperate plan of your life, you pointed over his shoulder fearfully. "Look! Another one!"
As soon as he turned his head, you bolted down the street.
****
You slammed your front door closed behind you, double—triple checking your lock before sliding down to the floor in a panting mess.
Immediately you grew paranoid. What the fuck were you thinking? A lock wouldn't keep the radio demon out. You needed fifty more locks and ten more doors. You needed to barricade yourself inside for the next month. You needed—
"Hello there!" An exuberant voice chirped.
You screamed, throwing the first thing you could grab in his direction. He caught the house slipper, inspecting it in amusement, before tossing it over his shoulder.
"My, did I scare you sweetheart? Apologies," he grinned smugly, relaxing in your recliner with a mug of coffee. Your favorite mug.  
You blinked. What the fuck?
"What are you doing in my house?" You squeaked, fingers digging into your welcome mat.
"Oh dear, allow me to introduce myself," he set the mug down on your coffee table, leisurely rising from the couch and offering a hand. "I'm Alastor! A pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure."
You didn't take his hand, instead choosing to gape at him like a dead fish.
He retracted his hand, tilting his head with a shit-eating grin. Twirling his cane, he continued like there wasn't just an awkward and terrifying pause. "I hope you don't mind that I followed you! You see, I believe our conversation was cut a bit...short." His eyes glowed as unidentifiable symbols floated in the air around him.
As quickly as they appeared however, they disappeared like they were never there. Jesus Christ, this man was giving you emotional whiplash. "Anywho!" He perked up again, ever the charming grin on his face. "Enough about me! I've yet to catch your name, darling."
Fuck. You really didn't want to give him your name.
But before you could open your mouth, he leaned closer to you, grin widening ominously. "I hope you're not thinking of lying, my dear. I must say, I'm not very fond of that quality."
"Y-Y/n!" You said quickly, raising your hands to shield your face.
There was a slight pause, before a gentle touch swiped at your cheek, retracting after a moment. You peeked your eye open, only to become vaguely ill at the sight.
"You had a little something on your face," he chuckled in amusement, holding out a clump of brain matter. With a swift flick, it was magicked away.
"What do you want?" You whimpered, overwhelmed with the entire situation.
"Oh dear, is it really that strange for me to want to get to know my soulmate?" He tilted his head, leaning towards you uncomfortably close.
"Y-Yes, actually," you stuttered, trying to look anywhere but his prominent red eyes. "I thought you'd do something more along the lines of...killing and eating me." You shrunk back as his grin widened. "Please don't eat me."
"How morbid, I would never!" He waved it away, like the idea was preposterous. "My word! What awful rumors you've been hearing about me!"
"You frequent cannibal colony and I just saw you tear apart six demons like they were freshly baked bread," you stared at him incredulously. "What hasn't been spot on?"
He paused, before giving you a humoring chuckle. "Well it seems your impression of me needs correcting!" Before you knew what was happening, nimble fingers encircled your wrist, pulling it forward gently. He pressed warm lips to the back of your hand, before giving you a charming grin. "Enchanté, ma chère."
You blinked, breath stuck in your throat. "What—What does that mean?"
"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about it!" He gently set your hand down, before pinching your cheek condescendingly. "Well my dear, I'm afraid I have other responsibilities I must attend to!"
He stood up with a flourish, leaning on his microphone cane as he smirked at you. "Not to worry!" He snapped his fingers, and a slim, feminine shadow emerged from the ground. "Missy here will watch over you in my stead."
"What? No, I—"
"I'll be back before you know it!" He offered a chilling smile, before melting into a puddle of shadows.
You gaped at the spot where he once stood, trying to process what the actual fuck just happened. Your gaze slid over to the feminine looking shadow, still standing in the corner of your living room. She grinned at your attention, teeth sharpened.
You closed your eyes, head thumping back against your door in exhaustion. 
"I'm so fucked."
****
Enchanté, ma chère : Charmed, my dear
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