#Ted talk with a heathen
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Now that we know a little more, clearly Gio is pretty ticked off with the situation - considering the feelings that he has about his and Jo’s relationship already, combined with the guilt and likely irritation of her finding out about his lying, now also combined with her demanding part ownership of the ranch - he doesn’t have a lot of leg to stand on. He has to just, deal with it, because it IS all their lives’ on the line, and nothing he’s tried to do has worked. I voted for Zelda to be most pissed, but I think she and Antoine are really just sad for now, so Gio might run away with the title after all 😭
Oh HELLO my friend! I love that we’re still playing the game of “Who Will Snap First!” (Game show pending). You’re hella right about one thing, as things shift and move, everybody’s numbers start to kind of adjust don’t they? Cause ahem, yeah, Gio is ~not pleased~ at the moment, and like you said, he doesn’t even feel like he has the “right” to be angry (which is its own sort of compounding factor, isn’t it?).
Is it time for a Gio deep dive? Welp. Gather one gather round my darlings because you know I can never resist….
Ted Talk with a Heathen! (Obviously under the cut because I’m a madlad)
First and foremost let me say that for whatever else Jo may do or how she demanded it, she is damn right not to pay off a loan without some legal backing in return. Now does she know this? For sure. But does she also know that she did it to get under Gio’s skin in a way that nothing else could? Absolutely. I’ve talked about it a little here, but Gio’s entire mindset is wrapped up in this farmhouse. It is his American dream. We also need to remember that he did what he said he never would in order to get the money to buy it, which is involve himself in his family bootlegging back in the 1920s. He even admitted to Antoine that after their one deal he tried to get out, but “once they get their teeth into you, once they know where you are, they don’t let you stop.” So Gio saved up this money by going against his own moral code and then ran from it to a place he thought he could establish himself as a “legitimate” American.
And I know yall like to rag on him about “making bad choices,” and while that’s partially true, Gio is just horribly, horribly unlucky. Buying land in the American West was incredibly fortuitous at one point in history, and it’s these stories that prompted Gio to do this at all. He’s an example of how not only can we buy into propaganda with our money and our dreams, but how they intersect with historical circumstances in ways far beyond our control or predictions.
Now to add to this, Gio knows what Jo has just done. She’s essentially taken part of what’s incredibly personal and precious to him as “payment” for what he did to her: which was trying to control her into fitting neatly into his dream when she had told him no multiple times before. In doing so he took away what was most precious to her: control and autonomy over her own life. It’s why he’s not really fighting her, and that deep seated Catholic guilt is simply telling him that this is retribution. But you can only write off someone else’s actions as righteous for so long, can’t you? And to make matters worse, let’s not forget….
Gio is not stupid. He knows something is going on between Jo and Val. How much of him thinks it’s just flirtation? How much of it is genuine or is just Jo once again trying to “get back at him”? But he’s staying quiet about it for a reason, most likely the same reason he’s willing to roll over and let Jo take 1/4th ownership of his dream. He’s motivated by guilt and ideas of righteous payback, yes, but he’s also taking a gamble that Jo is working through his betrayal in a way that he has to let her get through, and he’s attempting to let go of control to show her that he won’t do it again.
Essentially, he’s overcompensating for his actions and using his own compliance as a sort of “play” in their game to keep the other person where they want them. Is this potentially more motivated by love and less problematic than him directly lying to her to get her to stay? Y’all can make the call on that, but now at the very least, he’s the one suffering for it rather than her.
Now with all that going on, how far is this man willing to bend? How intuitive is Jo to when she’s pushed him too far and how much of her even gives a damn? Welp. There’s your questions on today’s episode of 1930s: Arc Two! Who Will Snap First? with more info coming at you tomorrow! 🫡
#thank you for attending#Ted talk with a heathen#I love the morally grey I love it#almost as much as I love mess#Giorgio Mistretta extra#gif warning#man on the edge warning#also I didn’t even touch on Antoine and Zelda being just sad#cause uh#yes currently#but Antoine honey your sister just stabbed you in the back and put you in a corner real good there huh#😬😬😬
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Very few things will be quite as chilling to me as when Will hides in Martha’s closet — only to emerge with “The name is Lila.” I cannot describe the amount of confusion and fear I felt hearing that voice during my first playthrough.
#who’s Lila#spoilers#ok I’m gonna get very pretentious#and it’s like 1:00am here so it might not make sense#but! I don’t know what it is for me. it’s so hard to capture this type of uncanny horror but man garage heathen accomplished this lol#the cadence of the voice?#the pause?#im probably reading way too much into it but there is something that feels very sadistic#specifically the way in which it’s said#it makes me feel like a prey animal#I might write an essay about this in the morning but also maybe not#thank you for coming to my Ted talk
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Showering with someone kinda sucks bc I wanna bathe in a stream of lava and anything less is bitch behaviour ngl id rather die than be one degree short of melting
#and also im ace as fuck and being naked with someone else is so uncomfortable but thats a different issue#but like when i did have to bro the other person wanted room temp water and i was like ???#room temp water is for heathens sorry i dont make the rules#fuck you room temp people i hope you suffer#but yeah thats one of the reasons id never share a shower#also no one is allowed to my shower concerts i wanna dance by myself without being judged#this is my ted talk#my posts#lol#lmao#shower#showering
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berry if i can remember correctly, i swear i saw you write something about dad bod kai😩i was trying to find it bc i was crAVING those thoughts but i couldnt find it so maybe it wasnt you idk so if not can we talk about that plz😵💫
IT WAS ME IT DEFINITELY WAS ME I HAV E BEEN SAYIN THIS FOR CENTURIES OH MY GOD DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS FOR U MY SWEET KIRBY
fuck frick frack aaaaaaa wait hold on lemme get my composure back ahem~
okay lets go !
dad bod kai my beloved. i believe it was @bibibinnie who started the thoughts on hairy chest kai and then that just got me thinking abt like.. big kai.. hairy chest squishy belly strong arms oh my god
absolute best pillow. laying on his soft warm stomach or chest would be absolute heaven, strong strong arms cuddling you so tight and holding you right where he wants you <3
okay the big ass arms got me thinking about manhandling again i'm sorry i'm a heathen but like... man i just want him to throw me around !!
but like we all talk about how he Likes squish but .. what if he IS SQUISH !!!!
it has me thinkin abt like... an older version of kai like maybe his idol days are over and he's just kinda chilling with his pretty wife and not doing millions of dances a day and having more home-cooked food and staying comfy and cozy with you so he just embraces the little pudge he's put on because he's happy yk?
but he embraces it even more when he sees you absolutely drooling over his dad bod at any given opportunity. like he's just so big and warm and HOT OH MY GODDDD his chest hair grows out a lil and he's just so ✨man✨ like he still takes care of himself but he's just.. less strict. comfy and pudgy and feels so good about himself since you still wanna jump his bones every 5 seconds >_<
i think we as a society should talk about dad bod kai more thanku for coming to my ted talk
#man i want him so bad#i say this every day#BUT I WANT HIM !!!#DAD BOD KAI !!#PLEASE kamal just once chance#berry's inbox ‧₊˚✩彡#kirby! 🍓
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On Eddie x Jason.
This post is literally me just admitting that in my Harringrove Family Legacy save, Eddie and Jason have their own household and about a million babies. Feel free to keep scrolling.
This is a “deep dark” secret admission because the character of Jason Carver makes me Ted Talk Mad and everything to do with his role in S4 steps on my black girl trauma. It is what it is and like I said, I could give a Ted Talk on it, but that’s another post. This post is about me creating virtual dolls and making them play happy families because that’s something my soul needs. I’m here to verify that humans are complex and contrary individuals, because the ex-evangelical in me hungers for the very public, very messy, very gay awakening of this character. Church mouse to proud heathen stories are my jam. So I made toast in the sims and put jam on it just to see how i’d feel. Picture me crying into my toast because it’s delicious with jam, just like every other time. 😂 The betrayal!
Jokes aside, I don’t know if I will ever be able to comfortably engage with the rest of fandom enough to go all in with shipping this pair, cause to be frank that’s just asking for more black girl trauma and we’re not about that in this house. But their sims are hella cute and it makes me feel good, creating a story where Jason gets to grow up and change for the better instead of being sliced in half by a monster. I guess I am just a solid believer that teenagers deserve the chance to change no matter how bad you think they are.🤷🏾♀️
#fizzi plays the sims#Eddie X Jason#le sigh#the character tag was a fucking mine field for racist takes and white saviorism on top of anti-Billy nonsense#I haven’t really swam in those waters since right after s4 dropped though so maybe it has changed#But I was not about to subject myself to that on the daily lol you can keep all that#jason carver#eddie munson
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Criminal Minded
[Verse]
I replace teeth for fangs Commit lyrical arson spittin' flames Straight basketcase, you can't pace with my DNA It don't matter, we did it many times, many ways There's no going back! You want to kill? Kill today An dark world you will never return Got me lookin' for Heaven on Earth but What's the word? Gotta stomp on his neck to the curb Gang vet turf, there's no cure for the illest on Earth For real! Turn him a star, I'm ready to kill Dissolve it in acid just like Dennis Nil Known to execute pigs, no remorse what I feel Thugs and pigs love the mud, you're just a imbecile Suffer much embedded illusion I'm a Ted Bundy–Ed Gein demented fusion Known to put a tag on the toe of Bigfoot's missing link Mister Sinister of imagery and wizardry, I hate the drums Perforate your eardrums, but motherfucker, keep listening Yo, I find knowledge in the silence, you just pray I don't prey Flame pace change the pace to exchange the space As I fall abyss I crawl insist to go back to at least appreciate My smallest things, the tall swings in the ring like Nikolai Valuev I won't care for size, jab lips, they make big caskets When they cremate you, you're a grain like everyone else Too much pain in my dome make the headache burn like Hell I can't represent my folks, chinese culture is full of so much holes I shapeshift to a smoke, I invoke Zozo with the board and provoke Split figures disfigured, whenever I go I am followed By a huge swarm of crows (Oh) Interrogate wack rappers Like MIB with dark glasses past what the masses Pre-suppose the subjects of what we're rapping In my dream I am a lion or wolf, in reality my eyes Keep drippin' tears of foul mold, often never softened Like viral TikTok's, I am the virus and cough The castle of Holmes, Sherlock Holmes fucking uranium bombs Won't rest until we have at least one million songs Yeah.. Kickin' down Heaven's gates Eating lobsters over eleven plates Never safe as I love hard with the clever hate Then I infestate, trust me Consume the sun and the moon The gun and the tomb I wanna permanently change my human shape Close my eyes in Hell and wake in unpleasant place Legislate for me to never wake tired and feeling so laze I may be addicted when I masturbate and ejaculate To feel an temporary trance of satisfaction over constant hate (We talk about hate too much, man) Supreme beam, Grim Reaper, nice to meet ya Odds and heathens, gods and demons, icebox on heaters I'm a five-head-red-demon, keep it beneath your feet heated I'm the kind of nigga to slap Snoop Dogg's weed reefer Ghost phantom, roast Charles Manson, we're some fiery rhymers And if you snuck up under my bed, there's a bunch of hairy spiders Check my footsteps in the ground, you bastard It's like 9/11 crashin', gave brain damage Leave your frame smashed in due to lame fashion You must live in Atlantis, pop your average cabbage And kick your ass like Jackie Chan the drunken master I hate you babblin' while you cappin', nigga stay maddened Chop they mothafuckin' head off, cut his beard off Pour the Smirnoff, I rock a mask here like the Phantom of the Opera Circumstances gave me no options, I arson niggas proper When these cops go home, wanna kill some Black man nigga? I ain't the one! Drop 'em off a fuckin' rollercoaster Or smack 'em with my own PS4 controller (Oh shit) The scene gets bloody like Kangals fighting hyenas You niggas gangrenas (Gangrene) Gang green Grove vs. Ballas, I had plenty but not much Too much Henny in your guts, I promise I can Get you touched by one of these zombies on the corner Who squeeze you like the anacondas, run up on us And get crushed to utmost dust, the explosive about to erupt You see I barely started, but goddamn nigga, I think I had enough The villain of the slums (What the fuck?) I'm tryin' to keep my sanity's edge Whatever's left of jazz effects and Das EFX But that's what they said, the wicked never rest
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|| ...following up on my post from yesterday we woke up to rain and cool weather and I've been literally begging for rain and cool weather earlier this week in my little prayers because I really can't tolerate 30°C anymore hahaha yeah heathenism works okay thanks for coming to my ted talk bye
#asgard to earth 💚 (ooc)#|| I don't want big things. Just a bit of rain will fix me. I swear. (At least I'll have one LESS thing that bothers me.)#|| Boy this week was a fucking nightmare so far.#|| Everything that could go wrong WENT WRONG. Stress at work. Personal issues. Ugh.#|| And the HEAT on top of that?? My body feeling overheated ALL THE DAMN TIME? It was just too much.#|| I'm glad that at least we have some rain.#|| I want to move North where it's cold even if my joints ache because of it. Lemme. 🥺
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My work here is complete
Thank you for attending my TEDtalk :)
#beetlejuice#beetlejuice the musical#im sorrg if you ship the bottom you no longer have acces to air#hes got a wife you heathens#anyway i love the maitlands#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i mean you can ship whatever#but please :) it makes me UN COM FO R T ABL E
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I'm just going to add a thing onto this, though I know few will likely read it: I rarely get religious online, I've made it a point to keep my religion (my actual lack thereof) off the internet due to the very nature of religion and the reactions to.
I was bought up Christian (look how that turned out), but, the way I was bought up was that if "God is speaking to you," it's going to be in a quiet, calm way. It'll bring you comfort and peace.
It's not going to be chaotic, it's not going to sow seeds of malcontent and it certainly isn't going to be seeds on how to fuck millions of people over. That's not how God does things, maybe the Old Testament God but not the one that I hope is lurking about in some sense.
(Go ahead, ask me why I'm not religious and/or why I say I'm a heathen. Ask me. While looking at the news. Ask. And know that I lost most of my religion wandering the halls of an ICU ward when I was ALONE in the halls of the ICU ward. No church "family" or family really at all and the family that DID come to me about things later are no longer my family. Go ahead. Ask.)
So when I say that this, I mean...
This is evil incarnate. No one in their right mind is going to be saying that God spoke to them and told them to be evil to someone else. If there was ever taking "the Lord's name in vain," here you go. This is it.
I won't say "Anti-Christ" or what have you because the way I figure that bit, it's not going to be US-centric. It's not going to be some doddering old fool and his cronies blathering on about a stolen election when the said old fool is likely to drop over dead from a coronary because he lied about everything concerning his health. It's not going to be some old guy with a stutter and a penchant for aiding a gen-cide. It's not going to be limited to just the US. It might be but I really doubt it. It's like trying to fit the square peg in the round hole to me. Not to mention, again, that it doesn't line up with the whole verse of "No one knows the day nor the hour" and a thing about if someone says a specific day or whatever, supposedly, it gets moved back or something. Idk, it's been a hot minute.
Yes, I know, it's rich coming from someone who seems to be a raging juvenile idiot for all things online. Especially with my avatar and the sidebar picture on my Tumblr theme, I don't care, it's mine. But. I hate getting drowned out by an onslaught of comments that essentially sum up to "Here's why you're wrong." So, I just simply don't post half of what I want to and even then, it's normally less.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
The House GOP is a circus. The chaos has one source.
Republicans spent two years sabotaging the U.S. House. Another two years would be ruinous.
Dana Milbank does a masterful job of describing just how dysfunctional the House GOP members have been in the past two years.
This is a gift🎁link for the entire article. Below are some highlights:
The Lord works in mysterious ways. Six weeks after his improbable rise from obscurity to speaker of the House in late 2023, Louisiana’s Mike Johnson decided to break bread with a group of Christian nationalists. [...] “I’ll tell you a secret, since media is not here,” Johnson teased the group, unaware that his hosts were streaming video of the event. Johnson informed his audience that God “had been speaking to me” about becoming speaker, communicating “very specifically,” in fact, waking him at night and giving him “plans and procedures.” [...] Today, Johnson’s run looks anything but heaven-sent. In the first 18 months of this Congress, only 70 laws were enacted. Calculations by political scientist Tobin Grant, who tracks congressional output over time, put this Congress on course to be the do-nothingest since 1859-1861 — when the Union was dissolving. But Johnson’s House isn’t merely unproductive; it is positively lunatic. Republicans have filled their committee hearings and their bills with white nationalist attacks on racial diversity and immigrants, attempts to ban abortion and to expand access to the sort of guns used in mass shootings, incessant harassment of LGBTQ Americans, and even routine potshots at the U.S. military. They insulted each other’s private parts, accused each other of sexual and financial crimes, and scuffled with each other in the Capitol basement. They screamed “Bullshit!” at President Joe Biden during the State of the Union address. They stood up for the Confederacy and used their official powers to spread conspiracy theories about the “Deep State.” Some even lent credence to the idea that there has been a century-old Deep State coverup of space aliens, with possible involvement by Mussolini and the Vatican.
The above article was adapted from Dana Milbank's (2024) book: Fools on the HILL: The Hooligans, Saboteurs, Conspiracy Theorists, and Dunces Who Burned Down the House.
[See more below the cut.]
And this is on top of the well-known pratfalls: The 15-ballot marathon to elect a speaker, the 22-day shutdown of the House to find another speaker, the routine threats of government shutdowns and a near-default on the federal debt that hurt the nation’s credit rating. They devoted 18 months to a failed attempt to impeach Biden, which produced nothing but Marjorie Taylor Greene publicly displaying posters of Hunter Biden engaging in sex acts. One “whistleblower” defected to Russia, another worked with Russian intelligence and is under indictment for fabricating his claims, and still another is on the lam, evading charges of being a Chinese agent. As soon as Biden withdrew his candidacy, they promptly forgot their probe of Biden’s “corruption” and rushed to launch a new series of investigations into Kamala Harris (over her record on border security) and Tim Walz (over his military service and “cozy relationship” with China). After a number of failed attempts, they did impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas (the first such action against a Cabinet officer since 1876) without identifying any high crimes or misdemeanors he had committed; the Senate dismissed the articles without a trial. House Republicans created a “weaponization committee” under the excitable Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), but it was panned even by right-wing commentators when it produced little more than a list of conspiracy theories from the likes of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Tulsi Gabbard. They lapsed repeatedly into fits of censure resolutions, contempt citations and other pointless acts of vengeance. In all of its history, the House had voted to censure one of its own members only seven times; in the two weeks after Johnson became speaker, members of the House tried to censure each other eight times. [...] In lieu of consequential legislating, they passed bills such as the Refrigerator Freedom Act, the Gas Stove Protection and Freedom Act and the Stop Unaffordable Dishwasher Standards (SUDS) Act. On the House floor, the Republican majority suffered one failure after another, even on routine procedural votes. Seven times (and counting), House Republicans voted down their own leaders’ routine attempts to begin floor debates — something that hadn’t happened once in the previous 20 years.
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new family tree: “whitestorm is ashfur’s and ferncloud’s father!”
Me:
youtube
#warrior cats#whitestorm#ashfur#ferncloud#like okay i'd love if his and bluestar's legacy went so wide with ferncloud's kits#like thinking about dovewing and ivypool being related to bluestar gives me joy#but he could not have spawned the heathen that is ashfur#okay so like you know how cats can have two fathers? whitestorm is ferncloud's father and darkstripe is ashfur's father thank you for coming#to my ted talk
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I voted for Antoine pretty quickly, and then considered, well dang, Zelda could also very easily snap. I just read your response to lgl, and I finally stopped second-guessing my vote. Your question wasn’t ’who will snap’ it’s who FIRST? I think the pressure and the guilt will get to Antoine pretty fast, but Zelda I think will cling to the notion that things always work out, they always have and she loves Jo and Jo will come around, and everything will be okay, right?? Just as long and as hard as she can until she’s too frantic to function.
Ohhhh Antoine pretty quickly? 👀 I mean you’re not wrong in that he succumbs to pressure and guilt rather quickly, or that Zelda can absolutely get too frantic to function. But honestly, I think we can untangle some treads with two questions: what is everyone’s real pressure point, and what helps mitigate that? For Antoine and Zelda at least, you can see the latter at the end of that post. The answer is one another. Zelda cools his anger and guilt while he keeps her from spiraling. But Gio and Jo? Welp. It’s a little harder to find what mitigates them, isn’t it?
Now the other question is real interesting to me, especially when you consider that they’re all under the same financial pressure and guilt now (except swap out guilt for anger for Jo). So if we look at their past behavior, you can kind of draw some understanding of what really makes them snap - of doing something so rash or foolish it endangers or upends their whole lives.
For Antoine, its about protection. Specifically, protection of his wife or his sister (which gets real tricky when they’re at odds, doesn’t it?). For Zelda, it centers around loss, and the detachment of self through grief. For Gio, it’s about need - more specifically the need to feel loved or needed and to have something that feels is his own. And finally for Jo, it centers around control. Now we can start spinning off theories on how these pressure points cook under the current situation, but since Jo is so much in the lead lemme ask yall…
Does the reveal of the loan and everyone’s lie make her more or less in control? Yes, she’s angry. But anger isn’t all it takes to snap, especially if you have another way to channel it, is it?
#simful my dear please forgive me for using your question as a pedestal for this episode of#Ted talk with a heathen#ya know I just start and I cannot stop#it is a sickness#anyway#gotta give this one#Antoine Duplanchier extra#Zelda Darlington extra#Giorgio Mistretta extra#and of course#Josephine Duplanchier extra
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VIXX are going to be the most senior idol at sbs super concert and if they are not given senior screen time I will personally fly to sbs and burn their building down
#i am so tired of the mistreatment when they're so!!!!!! talented!!!! and!!! never!!! disappoint!!!!#they haven't put out a bad title song since on an on#now dont get me wrong i absolutely love siper hero and rock ur body#but when you're talking about kpublic it gets gray#but also....kpublic angers me#it's like why can't they open their ears and listen to good music???#they're jusy blinded by names#in the way that i am when i see leo dicaprio is gonna act in anything#but at least he's not the ONLY ACTOR I WILL WATCH#yknow how many good movies i would miss out on?#and thats why the kor public missed out on shangri la for so long#i dont get how they continue to be 'surprised' when vixx come out with good music#as if it isnt staple by this point#every single song thwy've released since 2016#every single one#has been top tier#miss me with that sleeping shit#like wake the fuck up#listen to vixx you heathens#end of ted talk#mel's thoughts
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Now that I’ve sold out to the supernatural fandom for internet points, I think my new move is to become an absolute heathen for no reason other than my own personal gratification. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
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if y’all really loved keith you would NOT be out here talkin about the fact that this Literal Human Man was birthed by fucking egg on his birthday of all days
#honestLY FUCK OFF#WHAT IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE#ENOUGH!!!!!!!#i'm not actually mad so addin in this tag that i truly was kidding around and meant these ^ in like a 'THATS ENOUGH U HEATHENS' kind of way#thanks for coming to my ted talk#shut up madison
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Would you mind ranking your characters on how much you would or wouldn’t trust them to put a holiday dinner together?
Thank you for this @meri47 <3
I suppose, if I was ranking them all, I would start at the top with the most reliable dinner organizer and finish with the absolute dead last person I would ever want setting a plate in front of me, and that list looks something like this:
1. Chem!Tom. This one’s a no-brainer, the boy is a natural born nurturer and he runs a freaking pub. He feeds the homeless. He made sandwiches for Anja every day at lunchtime for what, two years after Sam died? Homeboy knows the way to just about anyone’s heart is through their gastrointestinal tract and he’s got the skills to be beloved by everyone who’s ever set foot in his establishment. He can cook, he can mix a drink, and he’s all about presentation with that cute ass and seductive wink. Definitely #1.
2. Rachel and Lani, aka the Puma Club girls. These ladies are in their early 50′s, have raised kids and kept husbands alive for decades, they’ve got something like 40 holidays under their belts. Old gals will pop a bottle and hit the kitchen and come out shitfaced drunk with a four course meal on the table two hours later, just go watch your damn football, they’ll yell when it’s ready.
3. Molly McClary. Sis has got the skilz with a pie and can bake circles around Martha Stewart without going to jail for tax evasion even once. We’re talking about the woman who put 20 lbs on the King of Claighe in their first ten years of marriage and fights tooth and nail for first prize at the Womens Institute Village Faire every Spring, you don’t go up against the Queen when dessert bragging rights are on the line. Plus she’s mastered the tenuous art of feeding King’s heathen cousins. She’s got this.
4. Kevin and Ted. Weemeetwa’s Merry Thankschristmas festival is a success every year thanks solely to these two - Kevin can shove a beer can up a turkey’s ass like nobody’s business and Ted’s Blueberry Fairies are Minnesota’s answer to psychadelic tiramisu (don’t ask, he’ll never tell...and no that wasn’t Wilson you saw sneaking down the alley behind the bakery. But it probably was). This is the day the Chief turns a blind eye to literally everything because goddamn the fixins are good so who cares what’s on the ingredients list?
5. Pete. Hear me out now - the big guy may swing a mean hammer and run his construction biz loose and questionably legal, but those aren’t his only talents. Turns out he’s a grillmaster extraordinaire and starts smoking turkeys in the backyard coal pit days ahead, so by the time the 24th rolls around he’s got a massive spread for his entire found family and all of Jake’s sisters. A feast fit for Valhalla indeed.
6. Bragneire of Tarses, also known as Bragneire The Previously Undefeated But Now Solidly Stripped Of That Title Due To Having His Ass Beat (Metaphorically Speaking) By Loki And That Goddamn Ugly Redheaded Wife Of His. Dude’s a king, he’s got some damn fine cooks and bakers at his disposal. He’ll tell you some good stories (all lies and exaggerations) while the castle staff lays out the feast.
7. Loki. Not Jack Montague’s Loki - this slot belongs to Lyra’s husband, TheKingsHeart!Loki, and it’s basically for the same reason as Bragneire above. He’s a king, he employs only the best, and he’s got all those daughters who like doing potions and herbs and questionable magic. Who says that stuff’s not handy in the kitchen?
8. Jack Montague. Why? Because she’s got two moms, one of whom isn’t very far removed from human - they’re gonna be calling every takeout restaurant in Michigan to Uber their best across town and it’s also likely Eve has contacted her favorite cafe owners in Tangiers to FedEx something special. It’ll be a spread like nothing you’ve ever seen. And you and Loki will be the only ones eating, so chow down baby, it’s all for you.
9. Cara and Aleks. They’ve been settled into domestic bliss for a few years now, and Aleks still has a little bit of his summoning magic - should be easy enough to snatch a couple bottles of wine from France without having to leave the house. Bonus: Cara is Chem!Tom’s daughter so it’ll be a combined feast. Can’t lose.
10. Anna from Body Double. Something just tells me this girl can cook, and every year she and Tom raise a toast to Ian, who is still exiled to Ireland, and another to DelToro, who sends ‘round a giant cake every year in the shape of a gothic four-poster bed.
11. Carly Lane. Not a bad cook, but you gotta listen to Duncan’s stoned stream of consciousness monologue through the entirety of dinner.
12. Tommy and Chloe. They try, bless them. Amy is still on tentative terms with them during the holidays, but she brings the stuffing and a pecan pie anyway. It was a tough sell getting her to relinquish turkey duties to Tommy, but *redacted for spoilers* so now she bites her tongue and behaves herself.
13. The Strada. But not Baltho. Keene can be trusted to somehow acquire the necessary components of a good meal, but don’t send Baltho to get anything. I mean it. Leave him out of it. This is your only warning.
14. Candy. She may be the seasonal cook at the Rancho de La Luna, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t lie her ass off to get the job. It also doesn’t mean she won’t cut open a sleeve of hot dogs and slap a loaf of Mrs Bairds on the table and call it dinner.
15. Greta. Her place is behind the wheel, not at the stove.
16. The Concierge. I mean, really? The Rockstar’s ditty about the biscuits wasn’t just an accurate dinnertime dirge, it was probably God’s Literal Truth leaking in through the cracks in the universe. And FYI, the Traveler nearly died of starvation before the world ended.
17. Sevensix. Loki’s buddy can barely even fit in a standard kitchen, don’t ask him to operate kitchen appliances - though I’m sure he could program one of his ButlerBots to do the work.
18. Clarissa Carmichael. Do you want Thanksgiving dinner or the apocalypse?
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I have only read the first two volumes of MHA, but I do have personal headcanons...
Shigaraki has ADHD
Dabi is Nonbinary
Kirishima is Trans or has a close trans friend and 100% supports that shit
Shinsou is a damn heathen/gremlin if you get him alone
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, I might have more in the future.
#tomoura shigaraki#shigaraki#dabi#touya todoroki#eijiro kirishima#kirishima#hitoshi shinsou#shinsou#mha#mha headcanons#bnha#bnha headcanons
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