#Technically that has to be one of the smallest minorities of the lot so good going guys

[maxwell-grant]

So now that the series is over and your (really great btw) analysis of the final episode is out, I have to ask: is this where you thought it would be going? Did you expect them to adapt the "Penguin runs for mayor" arc? Personally, I have to admit, I didn't. I expected him to end this as kingpin, ruler of the underworld, at the proverbial tip of the iceberg - but I didn't expect the mayor arc to come in, and so soon.

(This imo also really shows why this series was necessary - because how else could they have justified having Penguin as the comedic relief minor mobster lieutenant in the first movie and as the political puppetteer gunning for the position of bird-king of Gotham in the second, going from an affable minor career criminal that (albeit with a lot of effort) maybe still could have been saved and led to a less harmful route, to a pure unlimited void and personification of the human capabitlity for selfish greed, lust for power and corruption that killed his own heart and soul, if not by thrusting us into a whole tv show about it? In Gotham the festering wound of coldhearted capitalism gets to be its own guy in an appropriately designed outfit.)

(Spoilers for The Penguin)

Yes yes yes, extremely second that second paragraph, "In Gotham the festering wound of coldhearted capitalism gets to be its own guy in an appropriately designed outfit",

Honestly, that this would end with the beginning of his political career was just about the only thing I expected and accurately called from early on, purely because it was always the show's mandate that he rises to power and that was one of the big Penguin Trademark Plots that the movie hadn't covered or gestured to - and with the total absence of Harvey Dent, the other major Batman villain who tends to go into politics/mayoral campaigns, it was easy to deduce that they were saving it for Oz. I think there were some things that I called as it was trucking along but before all of that, up until Episode 1, I think I was pretty wildly wrong about how this would actually be like, what form it would take.

I was pretty wrong about Victor and his fate, I was very wrong about Francis, I was COLOSSALLY OFF THE MARK about Sofia, holy shit, I thought early on that she was just gonna be like, someone trying to preserve the legacy (which is what she's usually done in previous versions) that Oz wants to burn down, or that she was just going to be the generic Prestige TV Crime Show protagonist this needed to sell Oz as a freakish weirdo by contrast, I was so fucking wrong about her and I'm so glad I was. l I think there was even a time I was very hesitant as to whether this would even be good, can you imagine.

They very much telegraphed from the start that this was gonna be about his rise to power, that he was gonna become Da Nu Kingpeen of Gotham and rise above where he stands in the movie. And he technically does do all of that, but also, it was very much not how I expected it to go. Like I said, he got the smallest possible measure of what he wanted, and at the highest conceivable cost.

The whole trajectory in our show showcases that Oz, by the end, really becomes a version of the kingpin. Not Carmine level – he has a penthouse but he’s around Crown Point in the east side of Gotham. He’s not in the wealthiest part. And then within that just making sure that we’re aligning all of Gotham City, the world, the stress of the city properly to launch into the film. - Lauren LeFranc

It's less that he rose to the top of the underworld, and more so that he dragged and broke the entire Gotham underworld down to his level. His war with Sofia destroyed all successors to the Falcone throne, the entire Maroni family, and all the gang leaders who fought over their scraps, along with Crown Point, just as he hitched a ride to Step 1 of an entirely new game of power that automatically puts him above everyone who's left in his old battleground warring with each other. He is still a far cry from having anywhere near the kind of money and power and influence and prestige that Carmine Falcone had, but he's already begun to ruin everything with only a fraction of all of that, and he won't stop clawing for more.

As LeFranc said, his penthouse and rooms are under construction because he himself is under construction, and we see now that it's less that he's rising and moving up in the world, and more so that he's dragging all of Gotham beneath him so he can drown it and be automatically on top of it. I had no idea things were gonna so catastrophically terrible and scary and ominous, and that The Penguin's foretold rise to potential mayor would be depicted as such a horrible prospect. All of this is just the shit he's done as a "bargain basememt hustler".

Unlike what I expected from the description of the show, this was not a competition, this was not a race to the top, or even just a race to see who gets the best seats on the Titanic sinking ship of mob crime in Gotham - this was never something that could be won, it could only ever mutate into something worse. This was a horrorshow with a clear as day statement of how we're all gonna fucking die because of this guy who is incapable of changing or growing, but will only push the city down further and further if nobody stops him. And as much as I expected Oz to change and develop and even grow more vicious and powerful over the course of the show, I don't think anyone was prepared for where this was going, for the extent that this wildly recontextualized everything he was in the movie, and where this would leave us for the next one.

[random-autie-fangirl]

Hey, Do you have any Chara headcanons?

So technically I already have a reblogged post of Chara headcanons. Right here, within the tags. (99+) Chara neutralist squad on Tumblr

However, I most certainly have not run out of things to talk about and so...

I now present Chara Dreemurr headcanons 2: Electric Boogaloo

1. Yes, so as I said before, they have been spotted reading the dictionary cover to cover multiple times and reads english grammar books for fun. It is like they have to use one word literally nobody understands at least once a day or they will figuratively die. And of course, they would be the one to say figuratively every single time they use a metaphor or hyperbole or turn of phrase and they would get genuinely annoyed with anyone who says literally when they don't literally mean literally. Chara is the kind of kid who if someone says "can I", they will say "I don't know, can you?" like an english teacher because it's supposed to be "may I" for allowances. And, Azzy, it's supposed to be "Chara and I" not "me and Chara" ...no-one cares.

2. Something vocabulary related is that Chara absolutely, categorically refuses to swear! Apparently, contradictory to popular belief given that they're an "edgy" character, they think they are far too intelligent, high-class and mature for such gauche and vulgar words (did I mention they're a loser yet?), you see, and they would definitely consider using words that mean almost nothing to be a grave insult to their extensive vocabulary.

This doesn't mean they don't have certain stock phrases they use as exclamations or insults, though, of course. "asshole" or "bitch" becomes "you complete and utter ingrate", "what the fuck/hell?" becomes "What on this good earth/What in the Angel's name?" and "fuck you" becomes "may the angel smite you dead" or "may you burn in hell forevermore" (except that since Chara Dreemurr has proved themselves able to dish out much, much worse insults than "may the angel..." (stuff like "you look horrible, why are you even alive" for example) this might just be more annoyance than genuine hatred.)

So basically, while a normal person might say "Ow! Fuck!" when they stub their toe on something, Chara "Sesquipedalian loquaciousness" Dreemurr starts up an anime villain speech at nothing in particular while Asriel giggles and possibly records in the background. (Because of Asriel's apparent love for anime, he'd probably find his sibling's way of speaking to be the coolest thing ever as well as thinking it makes Chara some sort of uber-genius (note: it does not))

3. Okay so, since they tend to fixate on being impeccable in every way, even for the smallest of things, they can get embarrassed very easily and...very dramatically. Not finding the best word for every situation (particularly if they end up saying something wrong), not getting a perfect score on the test, anyone (who isn't the Dreemurrs) seeing them when their appearance is anything less than completely spotless.

They shall freeze and go completely blood red, they shall squeal and run off to their room. They will lie face down, not making a sound, and stay there for...hours. They will not respond, they will not be consoled. They have recently learnt they're not literally the best at everything ever and no, nothing will ever be okay again.

...They'll be back to normal within a day, though, boastful and eager to impress as ever. I think at some point they do learn that maybe not being perfect isn't the end of the world...eventually. Anyway, heard someone saying that hell exists for Flowey and it is minor inconveniences and that is true but hell also exists for Chara and it is minor embarrassments.

(Yes, I am aware this is very exaggerated, it's just more fun that way)

They have an equally dramatic, though positive, reaction to praise and compliments. Giddily skipping around and smiling ear to ear for hours, they tend to preen and straighten up, and it turns out they were lying and can cry, (a lot) just not out of sadness or fear. Though, they do get somewhat good at downplaying how much they care in front of acquaintances or strangers (even if they are nice and polite about it). Technically, only the Dreemurrs are allowed to know that Chara feels emotions.

(Also they have the same reaction to realising they are in fact the prophesied angel in the murder run, despite not being a praiseworthy accomplishment in any way, they're just happy to be, well...special. They always knew the prophecy was about them! Of course they were the angel, they're the best person in the world after all, finally they have the title they always deserved! Oh dear...)

[nefola-real]

the name change discord thing

big ole post i made for their support forum, might was well also post it here. tldr expression on the internet is dying, and i am complaining in hopes to slow it down in one specific area Today the discord blog and in app update notifications discord announced a change to how user names work. This change will cause a number of negative effects. Most for users, but a handful for discord itself. I am going to go over each subtidal thing in the blog post in order. This is kinda an open letter to discord, thus the use of YOU.

"The biggest problem: our current usernames can often be too complicated or obscure for people to remember and share easily."

This statement and its supporting details are wrong in a number of ways. hear is an address of the post's subpoints about this

Remembering the discriminator isn't the biggest deal. Its a bit of a paint at times, but remembering less than half a phone number is not hard.

Case sensitivity is an issue, however most users with weird name casing will tell you their weird casing.

Common name usage will be a problem under your new system as well, and will likely be worse. this is an inherent flaw of usernames. your current system almost fixes this issue even. this point does not make sense.

People who change their name a lot live with this. Your new system prevents any changes at all. You are making the supposed problem worse here.

Ok special characters are an issue. This is the only thing that you would be improving. However the extent that you propose limiting special character usage is a bit much.

Most people call it your tag or end numbers. Not knowing the technical name isn't a problem here.

Half of all requests failing is an issue, just not one warranting a redesign of a core feature.

"But we realized that then we would have an even more complex system with both a Display Name and a username that still included the four-digit discriminator."

This is the core issue with your approach. The problem is characters users can't type (easily) in user names. You are trying to address this and the obtuse process of verbally communicating letter case. Discord has elected to solve a problem that was minor and a problem many users don't have. This means that the solution will cause issues. We now get to the main bad argument you make here, the section title. Discord profiles are already very complicated. Simplifying them means removing entrenched features. Four digits and an ampersand at the end of a user name is the smallest thing you could have done to simplify discord profiles. Bios and custom statuses are relatively redundant and both take up more profile space. Notes are about as entrenched as the current username system and removing them would also simplify your profiles. Discord is already a complex and over featured software; and that is a good thing. You were able to spring into an established software market because of this. Doing everything other messengers do, but better and also a something nobody else does is why I and other users switch to discord. Removing complexity goes against why discord initially succeeded. In the past you have streamlined advanced features rather than removed them, which prevents new users from being overwhelmed and lets old users keep their toys. Rate limits and complexity are not worth the damage your solution will cause.

"How We’re Improving Usernames on Discord"

Ok so your actual solution isn't the worst. Separate display and user names is fine. Its clunky but it is fine. The changes to user names is where the issue lies. Usernames are now alphanumeric plus period and underscore. This is the core issue. While you did remove font special characters and emoji overuse you went overkill. Spaces are inoffensive, same with other standard keyboard special characters. Verbalizing usernames is not an issue most people care about. People who care make their usernames easy to verbalize. The fact that you are implementing unique usernames this late into your software's lifespan is the biggest problem for you.

"we will be assigning priority to choose your new username based on when you registered for Discord."

The user name gold rush this late into a platform is a problem. My account is old; I will probably be able to snipe my username during the rollout. My current username will turn into my new one. I suspect most users with accounts from 2018 and on will run into issues getting the exact user name they want. Outside of people who's users have had special characters for years, newer users are likely to encounter someone else who wanted their special username. This will cause feel bads. Where the solution is to get someone else you hardly know to give up a user name.

Next up is that all the names of prominent figures are going to get snipped. Malicious actors are going to take ever @discord, @twitter, @ninja, and @mod they can.

You are going to upset most ordinary users who made accounts in the second half of your program's life, many streamers, and maybe a brand or two. A random roll out wont solve it either, you will still have streamers and brands getting snipped.

Just stick with the old system and ban special fonts. This wasn't a problem and your solution will make it worse.

[the-busy-ghost]

“Of course the Conservative party stands up for minorities!” 

*Flashback to that time a few weeks ago when a Tory commented, in the Lords, that he thought “having a duke in number 10 is probably long overdue"

[owlswritingcafe]

Mango Yogurt Bingsu (Summertime Saddness Collab)

Warnings: MINORS AND AGELESS DNI. TIMESKIP KENMA IS USED IN THE FIC, HE IS 25 AND NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Reader: Gender Neutral + AFAB Switch Reader

Word count: 2.8k

Genre: Smut, Oneshot

Content Warning + Trigger Warnings: Slight neglect (at the start), Daddy kink, exactly one (1) spank, unprotected sex, Oral sex (male receiving) while playing video games, public sex (but empty beach), cowgirl position, reader is called baby, Character might be too ooc

Summary: His face was practically a centimeter away from the screen, you were more surprised the man didn’t need any glasses because of the way he plays. Or maybe he does and has been in denial for a couple years. Either way, his eyes should be on you right now, not that damn game. Currently, you two were under the beach umbrella. The familiar voice of a certain Italian plumber accompanied by the Delfino Plaza music snuck into your ears.

Are you serious right now?

This is my Kenma contribute to the “Summertime Saddness” Collab hosted by @mitsuyaa​ ! The Souya/Angry fic will be posted soon after! I am honored to be a part of this collab!

After copious amounts of begging, you managed to convince your lazy boyfriend to come with you to the beach. The only condition being you driving there instead of him and honestly you would have done anything to go to the beach at the time.

You got the idea when you dropped off his usual snacks during his stream and saw his character on the beach. Even though it was all polygons and code on screen, it really did make you wish you were there too. After your boyfriend’s stream, you asked him if he wanted to go to the beach and not just virtually. 

He said ‘no’. 

But, that didn’t stop you from begging and bothering him for the next couple days until he finally caved in. He can only resist your big doe eyes for so long. Soon after, you bought yourself the cutest swimsuit you could find. You couldn’t wait to show Kenma and surprise him once you’re there, and while you were at it, you could collect some seashells and rocks. You could barely sleep a wink last night, you were too excited! 

After all, it’s been quite a while since the two of you have been on a date. Alone at least. Yeah, you two going to conventions together would technically count as a date. But you’ve been wanting to go somewhere where it’s really just the two of you. Plus, you hated when the larger groups of people asked for a picture with your boyfriend. Yeah, it’s expected but it doesn’t make you any less annoyed when it happens.

Driving by the (surprisingly empty) beach side, the sight of it all only made you more ecstatic. You two could gather shells together, get something sweet to share, or maybe you two can go for a little swim (it is a beach after all).

But the biggest thing that’s stopping you right now… 

Is your boyfriend with his nose deep in his switch. 

His face was practically a centimeter away from the screen, you were more surprised the man didn’t need any glasses because of the way he plays. Or maybe he does and has been in denial for a couple years. Either way, his eyes should be on you right now, not that damn game. Currently, you two were under the beach umbrella. 

The familiar voice of a certain italian plumber accompanied by the Delfino Plaza music snuck into your ears. 

…

Is he being serious right now?

He is literally playing a summer beachy game while at the beach. Not only that, but he hasn’t spared you even a single glance since you two got out of the car. You had to hold his arm and guide him so he didn’t get hit by a car or something on the way from the parking lot.

“So, uh, did you wanna take a dip in the water or somethin’, kit kat?” Kenma only gave you a dismissive noise, way too focused on his game to properly answer you. 

God, this was irritating you too much.

Since you’re here, you can at least get one thing off this trip’s to-do list and collect some seashells. 

Coming back, you’ve managed to find quite the haul of pretty things (while also making sure none of them was something’s home). Plus, it’s been an hour, Kenma might be done playing his switch and is ready to join you!

Maybe.

… 

Okay, very unlikely. But, you’d never know! There could even be the smallest chance your boyfriend finally isn’t looking at his game and-

He is still playing the game.

The same game at that. Is he mocking you at this point? 

Judging by the music coming from the handheld game, he’s on one of the jet pack-less stages and the increasingly irritated expression on his face means he’s been on that stage for a while. You put the pile of shells and rocks to the side, next to the large beach towel so it won’t be in the way

“Hey, kit-kat, do you wanna go in the water now? Or maybe we can grab something sweet?” Like before, you only got a dismissive grunt in response. Albeit, a bit more grumpy sounding. You pouted, this trip was supposed to be just the two of you and now you’re a third wheel to that damn game. You can’t fully blame him when it’s at a party or something (you’ve done that before after all) but it’s just the two of you, he could at least take a break for a few hours just to spend with you!

Suddenly, the most perfect idea popped into your head. Luckily for the two of you, the beach was almost empty and you two were basically secluded from everyone. The last thing you want is for the police to arrest you two on your date for indecency… 

Kenma let out a little squeak as he felt you pull down his swim trunks. For the first time since the car ride, he looked away from the game to look at what you were doing.

“Hey, wait a sec-” You cut your boyfriend off by placing a finger in his lips to shut him up and give him the most irritating smile he’s ever seen on you.

“Ken-ken, let’s play a game. If you win this stage and hold back then you can keep playing that game, but if you cum or get a game over, you need to put that away for the rest of the day ‘till we’re back home, kay?” Kenma gave you a puffed up pout in response to your sweet tone.

“Dummy, I can’t concentrate on anything, let alone the game!” 

It wasn’t a question. 

It was a command.

Your fake smile quickly disappeared. Only a blank expression was left on your face that practically tore into his soul. Honestly, that expression was worse than if you were just yelling at him. It’s been quite a while since you’ve gotten this irritated with him that he’s forgotten who was actually in charge in the relationship.

Kenma gulped as he restarted the stage. This was his last life. He managed to get enough just before it, but this damn stage ate through them all like it was a snack! The man shivered as he felt the air touch his dick. When was the last time he actually jacked off? He’s been with you so long that he doesn’t really do that anymore. Plus, he isn’t some hormonal teen anymore, so getting horny wasn’t something he felt often. 

Well, not as often as before.

You didn’t really prepare much for this aspect of the trip, but it should be fine. You spat a hefty amount of spit onto your hand and started to gently but firmly grasp Kenma’s cock. Right now, you’re gunna focus on getting your boyfriend hard.

Unfortunately for him, that’s not going to be difficult for you. The stage just started and he’s already at full attention with just a few pumps. He doesn’t have the longest dick compared to the other boys but the girth sure as hell makes up for it. Kenma was doing his best to not just close his eyes and relish the feeling of your hand on his dick. God, has it been that long since the last time you two have done it? Looks like he’s as sensitive as his younger self, it’s like the first time you two have done the deed again. 

A gasp fell from his lips as he felt the warmth of your mouth surrounding his cock. It was so wet and warm around him, he almost fell off a platform in the game. That was a close one… A second later and he would have gotten a game over. The lewd sounds you made along with the wet noises that accompanied you almost made him cum on the spot though… 

Kenma can just barely make out the way you were slowly bobbing your head up and down his cock, the switch was covering most of the view for him. He would love to put it down, but knowing you, you would add another rule that he can’t watch you and force him to look at only the game. 

Kenma continued through the game slowly, trying to be as cautious as possible through the stage. Honestly, he looked even more focused than any of his streams, you were worried he was going to pop a blood vessel. Or even bite his lips too hard since he’s been biting it after trying to hide that first gasp. You bobbed your head a bit faster, you could already tell he was getting closer. Kenma started to breathe faster as your pace quickened. At this rate he was going to cum soon!

In the midst of the chaos, a familiar white and green mushroom caught his eye.

Yeah! You never said how many chances he had, only if he got a game over or cums then he loses. Unfortunately for him, it requires a bit of maneuvering. If he jumps just right, he might be able to get through this.

Sike.

Kenma forgot how good you were on your end of the deal. The moment you made a little hum in your throat while sucking him off, he almost fell off the damn stage trying to get the 1-up. He’s better off not taking any detours if he wanted to actually win this game. He can practically feel the sadistic smirk you gave, you could tell by watching him that he couldn’t get something he needed.

But, he just needs to push through a bit longer. Just a few more platforms then he’ll finally beat this damn stage! 

He was so close to beating it. 

He was almost to the final platform to get that sunsprite, just then you started to suck his sensitive tip as your wet hand moved up and down the rest of his shaft. Your boyfriend’s last straw finally broke. His thick cum practically overflowed from your mouth and the accompanied game over music didn’t help him feel any better.

Ugh, he lost to both conditions.

Taking your mouth off with a ‘pop!’ you giggled at your boyfriend’s defeated look. Kenma only looked up at you with a glare (Catching you swallow his cum, it was hot but he was too irritated to admit that right now).

“Aw, soo scawy.” The baby talking you’d do whenever he lost to your game was major fucking salt to his wounds. You sat up, finally giving him a proper view of the swimwear you chose for him, making him flush more.

He should have looked up at you the first time you asked. You looked drop dead gorgeous. Granted, you do all the time but the swimwear only accentuates your features more. 

He gulped.

“So, that means you lost, kit-kat.” Oh right, the game.

“We’re not done yet.” You tilted your head in confusion at his statement.

“You don’t have anymore lives left in the game, and it would take you a little while to get it back u-” You yelped as Kenma quickly shut you up by pulling you on his lap, his switch now forgotten and thrown to the side (a non sandy side, those things are way too expensive to get sand in). You felt Kenma’s calloused fingers play with your clit through your swimsuit, making you let out a little gasp. You place your hands on your boyfriend’s shoulders for stability, he placed his free hand on your ass. Also for stability. 

…

Maybe.

Kenma’s fingers continued its ministrations on your clit through the thin fabric. You were getting more and more wet as he expertly played with your sensitive bud, the hand that started to shamelessly grope and knead at your ass certainly wasn’t helping either.

“Was my baby lonely?” His question caught you off guard. You could barely answer him from the stimulation he was giving you, you only nodded your head as you bit your lip. 

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“Daddy’s sorry he hasn’t been able to give you the attention you need.” You flushed at his words. It’s been a hot minute since he’s called himself that. You shivered as your boyfriend moved the bottoms of the swimwear to the side and moved his middle and ring finger up and down the lips of your pussy.

“Look, you're even crying down here…” He raised his hand to show you how drenched his fingers already were. You felt embarrassment and shame getting wet so easily. That’s probably how Ken-ken felt earlier when you got him hard. You felt his wet fingers touch your lips, you looked at him in confusion.

“Open your mouth baby. Has it been so long that you’ve already forgotten?” Before you could open your mouth yourself, he gave your ass a harsh slap, causing you to gasp letting him shove his pussy drenched fingers in that warm mouth of yours. Your plush, soft lips closed around them and started to suck. He hasn’t even done much yet you already feel so light headed. 

“Good, at least you remember that part.” Kenma continued to knead your ass reassuringly as you sucked off all the juices off his fingers. He started to pump his fingers in and out of your mouth, relishing the wet warmth and the feeling of your soft lips.

Kenma took out his fingers from your mouth with only a string of spit connecting you two. 

“That’s a good baby.” Kenma held his dick with his wet hand, moving so the tip teases your clit. You shivered each time the tip of his cock flicked your little clit before he finally pushed the tip inside you. Your boyfriend moved his hands so that both hands properly gripped your waist and pushed you down the rest of his shaft.

You almost screamed that time. Only sobs left your throat from the pleasure you felt of finally being full after so long. You placed your head in the crook of his neck as he held you.

“There there baby, daddy’s finally giving you the attention you wanted.” You felt the man’s hands snake back down your ass. Slowly rocking you on his thick cock. Your sobs continued as your nails started to scrape against his back, the harsh feeling of your nails in his back contrasting with your tight, wet pussy was driving him insane. 

A sudden harsh thrust from his hip caused you to let out a yelp. His pace only got faster, fueled by the cute little noises you made and the expressions you made, looking like a dick drunk mess as he started to hit the sweet bundle of nerves you couldn’t quite hit the same by yourself.

“K-Kenma! I’m so closeee, pleasee! Harder!” You were bouncing on his cock like you were his fuck toy. Honestly, with how he uses you, you might as well be.

“I know baby, I’m almost there too.” Your boyfriend’s fingers snaked their way back to your little clit, teasing the little bud as he bounced you up and down his cock.

As you finally creamed around his cock, the way your pussy tightened around him was his last straw, he painted your insides white with his cum. But he continued to thrust even while cumming, fucking his cum inside you until he was milked dry.

You two laid in silence, basking in the afterglow of it all.

With how rough you two went, you were more surprised there wasn’t more sand on the beach towel you two were on.

Your boyfriend slowly moved you off his cock, moving your bottom swimwear back to normal so not a drop of his cum escaped before he ticked himself back in his swim trunks.

The two of you decided to get some mango shaved ice to cool off.

But the silence between you two was a bit agonizing. The sound of the jumping plumber no longer occupying the empty space.

Kenma was the first to break the silence between you two.

“Since the trip isn’t over yet… We can take a quick dip in the water,” he lazily ate the shaved ice before looking back at you with a familiar look in his eyes, continuing the sentence. “We can continue where we left off in the car, before we leave.” You flushed at the thought. 

Kenma finally has a taste of you after so long and he was addicted once more. Your body was far more fun than any game he can get his hands on, and he was ready to re-explore all of your body like it was his first time again.

[livthedragon]

Dream SMP Animal Rescue Center AU

The L’Manburg Animal Rescue Center (LARC) is a well-known institution dedicated to the well-being of all animals known to man. The facility receives animals from all over the world, and has staff fit for any creature that gallops, swims, flies, climbs, or runs into their care. With hundreds of acres of land at its disposal, the Rescue Center is equipped to care for animals that cannot be released back into the wild for as long as they may live. Come and visit with our season pass, or drop by anytime with admission tickets half off for the kids! Anyone 15 or older is welcome to come and volunteer their help towards these wonderful beings!

~

Alright, now that the official canon stuff is done, I’d like to make a few quick notes on pthis AU! First off, this was inspired by Dazenightmare’s Grocery store AU, so go check them out as well! If you have any idea or comments about this piece, the ask box is always open! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and without further ado, I present my DreamSMP Animal Rescue Center AU!

-Liv💫

(P.s, I’ll be setting things up by showing the character’s official staff introductions first, and then my personal notes on them! This is how most things will be presented!)

~

Our Wonderful Staff!

Listed below is all of our fantastic employees, each with important and essential jobs to keep LARC running smoothly! If you ever need anything, they’ll be happy to help!

~

Even though they all have differing roles and places in the hierarchy, the staff have always been tight-knit friends, almost a family. But, like any family, they definitely have their spats! As I come to think of more stuff I might edit this, but so far the employees are Nihachu, Puffy, Eret, Philza, Fundy, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Techno, Ranboo, Purpled, Ponk, Awesamdude, George, Dream, Sapnap, Bad, Skeppy, Karl, Hbomb, Jack, Jschlatt, Foolish, and Ant. (Official names for introductions are Niki, Cara, Eret, Phil, Floris, Wilbur, Tommy, Toby, Alex, Dave, Ranboo, Grayson, Ponk, Sam, George, Clay, Nick, Darryl, Zak, Karl, Liam, Jack, Johnathan, Noah, and Antfrost,  in the same order as above. These are the real names of most of the characters, I couldn’t do the ones that haven’t done a name reveal. (I didn’t change Wilbur because it just did not feel right) If there’s a character you wanted to see that’s not here I’m sorry, it means I just don’t know enough about them. (I’m so sorry Punz fans, I’ll add him eventually but I’ve never watched him before and don’t want to improperly represent him!) The minors (Ranboo, Tommy, Tubbo, and Purpled) are technically volunteers and not employees, so they’ll be presented separately. I mention the Regulars (regular patrons) a couple times, these include other MCYTs! So keep an eye out for special appearances! Sadly, SBI is not canon in my AU. It just didn’t make much sense to me as I tried to write it, but if you want to interpret them as family you can! (They’re still very close, so they act just like a family even though they’re not related by blood!)

Clay - Clay is the manager of our facility, and has run it for 3 years now! He’s proven to be a capable and fun leader, and you can often find him wandering about with some other staff members! If you ever see him around, don’t be afraid to ask him for anything!

~

Dream - Since Dream is the founder and main leader of the SMP, making him the manager made the most sense! He kinda has two ‘settings’, his official business mode for when he needs to handle serious work, and his more chill mode he presents when he’s just hanging out with everyone. He’s never really pulled the ‘I’m your boss so listen to me blah blah’ thing before, he actually prefers to emphasize that he’s on the same level as anyone else, just with a fancy title. He’s only brought out his manager mode when it comes to his employees a few times before, like when one of Tommy’s pranks went too far, and when George was slacking off just a bit too much. Other than that, he’s a nice guy who considers all of his employees his friends, but he’s often busy with ‘manager things’ as he says.

George - Our trusty head of security, George is responsible for keeping our guests safe! He’s in charge of things like security cameras, patrols, and safety regulations regarding people. He’s often found manning the cameras or patrolling about! If you ever get lost or feel unsafe, he and the other security members are always ready to help!

~

George - He sleeps. A lot. When it says ‘often’ manning the cameras, that means always. Always manning the cameras, and 9 times out of 10 he’s sleeping. He patrols like, once a day for the bare minimum time purely because he has too. The only reason he isn’t fired at this point is because he has uncanny luck. Every time anything comes up that he’s needed in he’s always awake, without fail. Every time a crime (not really crimes more like petty stuff, vandalism and shoplifting from the souvenir stands) happens he always sees it. No one knows how, because he’s always sleeping anytime else. Despite that, he’s a pretty nice guy that everyone gets along with, and does his job good enough to keep people safe.

Nick, Sam, and Cara - Our loyal security guards, who faithfully patrol and protect! It”s their sworn duty to keep animals and people alike safe, and can always be turned to if needed! They can be found rotating between the different wings of the center, and are glad to help with any issue! You can easily identify their signature blue uniforms!

~

Sapnap - Since George is nearly always ‘occupied,’ Sap is usually the one who handles planning patrol routes and shift changes. Although he can definitely be mischievous or a jokester at times, he does take his job seriously. He’s kind to the little kids that visit, and likes to give them tours whenever Ponk and Eret are busy. He’s loved among the regulars, and knows them all by heart. He’s pulled his fair share of pranks (most often with Tommy, Skeppy, and even occasionally Dream to help him) but he takes care to not cause any serious damage. Overall, he’s a prankster, but he loves his job and fellow employees.

Sam -  Although he’s officially a security guard, he’s more like the resident handyman. Whenever there’s a problem with any electrical or plumbing systems (usually the fault of Tubbo, the poor kid breaks everything he touches) Sam usually handles it. He’s reliable, he doesn’t pull jokes like Sapnap does, but he can respect a good one. Despite being rather intimidating at first, Sam is gentle and can often be found helping Ant with the birds or Wilbur with the gazelles. He cares deeply for everyone, especially Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Purpled, and helps protect people whenever a Karen comes into the picture. He’s the one who helps elderly people cross the busy paths and gives directions to lost tourists.

Puffy - When she was first hired, people wondered why she chose to be a security guard. She was gentle and kind, and tried to avoid any and all conflict. But when a group of teens were spray painting the reptile house, it became obvious. Those kids not only volunteered to clean it themselves, but asked if they could help clean up garbage around the paths while Puffy stood over their shoulders. She’s been famous for her lectures ever since, and can even get Techno and Tommy under her thumb. Her gentle side definitely helps, and because she’s far less intimidating than the other guards, she’s the one who helps lost kids find their parents. She’s confident in herself, and shows it. No one questions her while she’s on patrol, despite being the smallest of the guards, she’s one of the strongest.

Eret and Ponk - Our lovely tour guides, they’re in charge of all the tours around the facility, from the reptile room to the butterfly greenhouse! Whenever you book a tour, one of these two will be in charge! They’re kind and energetic, and can be found with the scheduled tours all over our institute!

~

Eret - Eret is the more comedic of the two, often slipping in sarcastic jokes here and there on the tour. He’s not afraid to hide who he is, and he’s well known among the regulars for wearing extravagant outfits every now and then. Of course you always have the occasional Karen, but the moment one starts to approach him one of the security guards ‘conveniently’ needs his help. Whenever there’s some sort of event like a holiday or birthday, Eret is usually the one who volunteers to plan it. His parties are legendary, everything is always planned to perfection, and always runs smoothly. No one knows how he does it, it’s like he can predict catastrophe before it even happens. Tommy is mildly scared of him because not one of his pranks has worked on him, he always manages to get out of it (While looking fabulous, of course!) Despite his sarcasm and nonchalant behavior, he loves his job and ‘family’ he’s found!

Ponk - Definitely the more energetic of the two, he never seems to run out of stamina when he gives tours. He’s popular with the little kids because he gives out little stickers at the end of the tour, most often custom ones of all the famous animals. Whenever he’s off duty, he has a game he plays where he mixes all of the vending machine drinks together and sees who’s brave enough to try it. Sam is usually the victim, he has a hard time saying no to him! He’s been known to join in the occasional prank here and there, but never anything crazy (Like the famous Tiger incident, Tommy got suspended for a month after that…) He really cares about all his friends, and always comes into work with a smile!

Zak and Darryl - Responsible for running the various shops around our rescue center, these two are dedicated workers who can always be relied on! They’re always willing to lend a hand, and can be found at their respective stores! Don’t be afraid to say hi or ask for help!

~

Skeppy - Most definitely cannot be always relied on. I mean, he’s Skeppy, what do you expect? Whenever he’s on duty he’s responsible enough, but when off duty he’s even more of a trouble maker than Tommy! His stand isn’t usually as busy as BBH’s, so he has a lot of free time to goof off. He uses most of that time to plan pranks or tease BBH, much to his annoyance. Despite Skeppy always teasing him, he considers BBH his closest friend and would do anything for him. He’s faced his fair share of consequences and punishment, but he’s always managed to weasel his way out. He’s crafty and a troublemaker, but he’s also a good friend and a loyal worker when it counts.

BBH -  One of the most loved members of staff, he gets along with everyone he meets. He’s kind beyond measure, and never hesitates to help. Pretty much the opposite of Skeppy, who often annoys everyone. But opposites attract, maybe that’s why they get along so well! Whenever Sapnap and George are busy, Dream usually turns to BBH for help and advice. Since the stands aren’t busy all that often, BBH usually helps out wherever he’s needed, he especially loves helping Wilbur with the butterflies. Like Sapnap, he also gets along great with the little kids, who love to hang out with him! Because of Dream’s soft spot for him, he managed to get permission to bring his dog, Rat, into work to ‘help’ him at his stand.

Alex - Alex is our responsible janitor and handyman, always ready for anything that could happen! He’s hardworking and kind, with a good sense of humor! You’ll find him wherever he’s needed, always willing to help!

~

Quackity - Like I said, Sam is more of the resident handyman, so Quackity usually handles the cleaning. He tried to fix wiring on the meat freezer one time because Sam was busy, but it did not… end well… he somehow flooded the whole room. The introduction isn’t entirely wrong, he is responsible and hardworking, but he’s not exactly ready for anything that could happen. It’s not his fault, it just seems that no matter how much he prepares some new problem he’s never dealt with before comes up. Like when the peacocks escaped, or the infamous Tiger incident. (When he saw the destruction that caused he just dropped his mop and said “I’m taking my vacation time now, fuck this”) He still has his sense of humor though, he enjoys yelling at Karens in Spanish to scare them off. He’s yelling about the weather, but they can’t tell the difference.

Karl - Our fantastic admission worker, he’s the first face you see when you walk in! He’s in charge of admitting all of our guests, and to answer any questions you have before entering! He can be found at his booth helping anyone and everyone!

~

Karl - Still had his signature good attitude and positive outlook, he’s probably the most willing to help people. Since he’s the only admission booth worker (Schlatt occasionally takes over, but he’s usually busy with his own stuff) he doesn’t get much break time in the busy season, but when he does he usually spends it with his friends. He’s goofy and kind, with a giggle that quickly got him loved by the regulars and everyone else he meets. On the slower days, usually in winter when the tourists aren’t around, he likes to sit everyone down in the break room and tell grand stories about different points in history. These tales quickly became enjoyed by even the most reluctant members, much to his suprise. He’s a very skilled storyteller, but he’s also very humble and insists he’s mediocre. He’s a great guy and loved by everyone around him, the perfect first face to see when you enter LARC. Recently, however, people often catch him stealing glances at two certain individuals throughout the day…

Johnathan - Our loyal help desk worker, he’s here for any issues you may have during your time at LARC. He’s here for anything you need, from booking tours to answering questions. Johnathan is in charge of making sure your stay runs smoothly and is as enjoyable as possible! You can find him at his desk all throughout the day!

~

Jschlatt - I have no actual reason for why he has this job I just thought it would be funny. Out of all the members of the rescue center, he’s the one who’s mastered the customer service smile and voice the most. He’s kind of had to, considering what his job is. Surprisingly, it isn’t as hellish as it would seem. Most of the time it’s just people booking tours or asking simple questions, which doesn’t require that much interaction. Dealing with Karens is a rare occurrence, but not unheard of. He just hits them with the “Lady, I am not paid enough to deal with this. Either go talk to the manager or ask Karl for a refund, now at least move aside so I can do my damn job.” He has a lot of free time because of this, but he’s not allowed to leave his post so he just plays Solitare on his computer and chats with whoever’s nearby. Even though he’s sarcastic and reluctant, he is a good worker and gets the job done. He rarely shows it, if at all, but he does care for all of his fellow workers and enjoys his job because he gets to be around them.

Phil and Liam - Our specialized veterinarians are equipped for any animal that needs their care, from elephants to bats, scorpions to dolphins. They’re both capable and experienced, and can be found wherever they’re needed to do their jobs!

~

Philza - Definitely a capable vet, he’s probably people’s first choice when they need help. He’s worked at a few other places before LARC, but he insists that this is his permanent job until he retires. Although he tends to focus purely on work when on the clock, when he’s off duty he opens up a lot more. He enjoys out with everyone in the break room, most of all Wilbur, Tommy, Techno, and Ranboo. Sometimes his wife comes in to volunteer for a day, much to everyone’s enjoyment. Since Phil is the resident dad, she was named the official mom of LARC and was given a very fancy cardboard crown. Despite his reluctant behavior on the surface, he can be passionate at times… rarely. Very rarely. He once chugged one of Ponk’s concoctions from hell and walked away unscathed, mumbling “I drink more caffeine on my good days, try again with an extra 10 energy drinks mate.” Ponk has practically worshipped him since, no one had ever been able to take any of his drinks before Phil. Overall he’s a good natured guy who loves both animals and people, but tends to avoid the public paths because it’s so crowded.

Hbomb - More of Phil’s understudy than an official vet, he’s still learning quite a bit. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable, he’s great when he’s working on animals he’s familiar with or illnesses he’s dealt with dozens of times before. This is his first job as a veterinarian, and he found it quite overwhelming at first. Despite this, he quickly won over his fellow staff with his charm and humor. When asked who his best friend is, he jokingly answers “Fundy!” While Fundy violently shakes his head no in the background. He’s relatively carefree, but he can absolutely get serious when his skills are needed. He’s fine with not being the go-to guy to help with the animals, he’s content with helping Phil whenever he’s needed and sticking to the sidelines.

Niki - Our lovely Marine Biologist, she keeps the aquarium and other aquatic exhibits running smoothly. She’s an expert in her field, and we can go about our days knowing she has everything under control! She can be found most often in the aquarium, but keep an eye out for her around other exhibits!

~

Nihachu - Because the aquatic exhibits are the smallest and have the least amount of animals, Niki can usually run it smoothly. She’s passionate about her job, and has loved animals since she was very little. She originally joined LARC purely for experience, but as time went on she just… never left. She has no plans to either, she loves the strange family she’s found, and the constant flow of new animals keeps her on her toes when it comes to her passion. She never really wanted fame or riches from Marine Biology, she chose to do it because of her love for zoology. On her off time she usually hangs out with Puffy or Wilbur, since their jobs place them near her area. She’s a lovable and soft spoken, but can be serious when needed. She more than pulls her weight in LARC, and has proved herself many times over.

Dave - A spectacular zoologist who specializes in predators and their behavior, Dave handles even the most deadly of animals with calm mannership. He has experience with every apex predator, and treats every animal he cares for kindly. He may seem unapproachable, but he’s willing to help anyone who needs it. He can be found all around LARC, but most often by the big predators.

~

Technoblade - He has proved the statement “Technoblade never dies” many times over. Many. Times. Over. He’s faced bears head-on with no safety equipment (which is not good, please use safety equipment when around wild animals) and come out unscathed. All of the permanent predators at LARC that can’t be released have acknowledged him as an equal, and accepted him into their hierarchy. Even the most aggressive of the big cats hold respect for him, but not through fear. Techno refuses to ever, ever use fear as a tactic to win over animals. He claims it’s not right to rule over other beings through fear, especially such regal ones. He takes his job very seriously, and hates his interactions with animals interrupted. (Tommy did it once and he swears to never do it again.) He’s very skilled, but he often gets put aside when the inspector comes around every 6 months because of his refusal to use required equipment. He may still be as serious and no-nonsense as ever, but he holds his friends close. He doesn’t like to be in the public eye, so he stays as behind the scenes as possible. Like Jschaltt, he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for everyone in LARC.

Wilbur - The counterpart to Dave, Wilbur is our herbivore specialist at LARC! He’s responsible for the majority of the herbivores in our institute, from gazelles to horses! You can find him all around our facility, and if you’re lucky you might catch him feeding the animals!

~

Wilbur - He’s the opposite of Techno in a lot of ways besides just his job. Will actually likes to be in front of a crowd when doing his job, and even got Dream to add an official feeding time for the popular animals so people could come see. His intentions aren’t vanity though, he just likes seeing how happy it makes everyone. Because he cares for the majority of the animals at LARC, he can often be found with Phil and the other animal caretakers. He’s especially close to Phil and Tommy though, and Tommy often finds ways to change his schedule to be closer to him. (Tubbo usually follows Tommy, and then Ranboo follows Tubbo, it’s a whole chain reaction.) On his off time he occasionally causes mischief with other staff, but he’s chill most of the time. He cares a lot about all of the animals he cares for, and makes sure to form a bond with each and every one. Every now and then he brings his guitar to work, and can be found quietly strumming it and humming along in secluded places. Sometimes he even plays it in front of the animals, much to their confused enjoyment. He might be carefree most of the time, but he takes his work seriously and has a close bond with everyone at LARC.

Floris - Floris is our resident field specialist, here to use his experience to help wherever he can! He’s often one of the first to see new animals or release old ones, and always does it with a smile on his face! You don’t see him as often as the other animal caretakers, but he can be found throughout LARC!

~

Fundy - He’s been all over the globe since he graduated, since he got to study under a rather eccentric zoologist. No one knows why he decided to work at LARC and not somewhere more recognized, but they’re not complaining. Whenever he’s on break, he likes to retail all of his adventures in a dramatic manner, but no one knows if they’re true stories or not. Sometimes he shows proof of his escapades, but most of the time he leaves it up to everyone to decide for themselves. But whether his stories are true or not, he definitely has the experience of someone who’s travelled the world. No matter the animal, he seems to know how to predict their behavior perfectly. He’s as excitable and loud as ever, but he loves his job and all the creatures he’s gotten to work with. Oftentimes he’s in charge of keeping tabs on animal behavior, so he’s the first to note when something changes or goes wrong. He has journals full of notes on different animals, both from LARC and his time traveling. He’s definitely passionate and dramatic, but he’s also a good guy that just wants to help animals.

Antfrost - A fantastic mammalogist, he’s been at LARC for a few years now and has proven himself as a great scientist. He knows how to deal with a variety of mammals, from the tiniest bumblebee bats to the biggest elephants! If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask him!

~

Ant - Like Niki, this is his first real job in zoology. He was out in the field for about a year and a half, but he was basically an errand boy for the bigger names he was working with. That’s not to say he’s not skilled though, he’s fantastic at what he does. He often asks Fundy for his notes on the various animals to get to know them better himself, and has read the majority of his journals. He was timid around everyone at first, but he gradually got close to his fellow staff. It was the same when it came to big animals, Wilbur had to help him during his first time with the elephants, giraffes, and other large mammals. But soon he got used to them, and now he spends most of his time with animals. He has no plans to leave LARC, he’s found that this job is more than enough to keep him busy and happy. He’s a bit shy, but when he opens up he enjoys being around everyone.

Jack and Noah - These two, although not often seen, and essential for keeping everything running like a well-oiled machine! From lending a hand wherever it’s needed to helping prepare food, Jack and Noah work tirelessly behind the scenes to make sure everything is a-ok! If you ever do spot them, they’re ready to help with whatever you need!

~

Jack - The more experienced of the two, he’s been working at LARC for a long time now. He can be mischievous at times, but he’s responsible and knows his job is important. He struggles a bit to be close to everyone, despite the fact he’s been at LARC for a long time. He’s acquainted with most of the staff, but he’s not sure if he can really call anyone a close friend. He does have a good relationship with Tommy and Niki, but they always have so much going on and often overlook Jack. He grins and bears it though, keeping his loud and comedic attitude. He’s often all business and work, but there are times he wishes he could just be friends with everyone, and envies the very social members of staff like Quackity and Tommy. He may be a bit distant from everyone, but he still gets along with them… at least that’s what he always tells himself. He’s a bit stubborn, but overall a good guy who’s willing to help

Foolish - Foolish has only been working at LARC for a few months now, but he’s already made quite a few friends, both animal and human. When he’s working he tends to stick to himself, but when on break he enjoys hanging out with others and having casual conversation. He actually has a little corner of the break room for his hobby, making mini-models! He’s very good at it too, he has an intricate Egyptian setup that everyone likes to ogle at every now and then! Every so often he stays after for a bit to work on them, and no one has the heart to disturb him when he gets into it. He spends a lot of time with the animals, especially the aquatic ones. He seems to be drawn to the aquarium, and he’s often caught staring at the ocean tank. He’s positive and high energy most of the time, but he’s not to be underestimated.

Our Volunteers!

Volunteering is open for anyone interested in working at LARC non-officially, as long as you follow our rules and are 15 or older! Our current volunteers are

Toby

Tommy

Grayson

Ranboo

This is subject to change at any time! If you’re interested in signing up to be a volunteer, contact us either through our official website or our in-person help desk!

Volunteers aren’t allowed to be up close to any of the large or dangerous animals for their own safety!

We hope to see new volunteers soon!

Tubbo - He breaks. Everything he touches. Much to Quackity’s dismay, who’s often stuck cleaning it up. He doesn’t mean to break things, he just… does. Despite being quiet and even shy at times, Tubbo is without a doubt the most chaotic person in the entirety of LARC. He doesn’t pull off jokes or pranks like Tommy and Skeppy, he just subtly radiates chaos wherever he goes. He and Tommy are in charge of helping the westward wing (The area with the Africa, North America, and Insect House exhibits, as far away from the Aquarium as possible because Tubbo will break everything) and occasionally the Reptile House. A volunteer’s work isn’t exactly exciting, they mainly cut up and prepare food and do whatever Jack and Foolish are too busy to. Tubbo doesn’t really mind though, he finds the work rewarding and even fun at times. Even when the food he has to prepare is especially gross, some time helping Wilbur with the beehives always makes him happy.

Tommy - Oh man, Tommy… what problems hasn’t he caused? It seems that everywhere he goes he can manage to cause trouble, often roping Tubbo and Wilbur into it. It’s a miracle he hasn’t been fired yet (can you fire a volunteer? I don’t know) despite everything he’s done. He did get suspended for a long time after the Tiger Incident, but that’s the worst punishment he’s faced. He’s also not allowed to be near any of the people that come to LARC because last time he went “Vlogging” and scared away multiple guests. That was Jschaltt’s busiest day and he still has not forgiven him for it. He’s often stuck behind the scenes with Tubbo preparing food, but every now and then Wilbur, or even Techno if he’s lucky, lets him help feed the animals. When he’s off duty he can be found pestering Wilbur, Phil, and Techno or getting yelled at by Dream for causing problems. Despite being nothing but a troublemaker, everyone around him can’t help but have a soft spot for him. And on rare occasions, you can catch him leaving gifts for people to show his thanks for dealing with him.

Purpled - Probably the most laid back of the Volunteers, he’s actually allowed within 40 feet of the Tiger enclosure. (Although he has been known to solve problems by chasing people with a foam sword and yelling “Bedwars!!”) Since Tommy and Tubbo are usually on food duty, Purpled’s the one who delivers stuff to various places around LARC. This results in two things, no one ever being able to find him when they need him and him randomly appearing behind people when they least expect it. Seriously, he’ll just appear out of thin air to scare the shit out of you 5 minutes after you need him. He doesn’t even try to do it, he just… does, somehow. He’s a good worker though, and doesn’t complain much. He somehow managed to convince Dream to get an Xbox for the break room, and every break he gets he challenges random members of staff to a game of bedwars. He beat almost everyone without a hitch, except Technoblade. Currently they’re tied at 38 wins each, and Ranboo brought in a whiteboard to keep track. He may be a bit reluctant, but he likes LARC and can’t see himself leaving anytime soon.

Ranboo - Probably the most shy of the Volunteers, he tends to keep to the background and avoids the big, public areas. Because he’s the gentlest (and the most trustworthy) of the helping staff, he’s usually the one who gets the jobs involving animals. This usually includes helping Niki give the ducklings baths and feeding the deer with Wilbur, but like it says he’s not allowed near any potentially dangerous animals. He’s the tallest person at LARC (but by far the kindest) which results in him often scaring the animals at first, much to his dismay. Because he’s also on the taller side, Wilbur taught him a few tricks to seem less intimidating, which helped greatly. When he does open up a bit (usually around Tommy and Tubbo) he can be a bit mischievous and chaotic, but he knows when to stop. He hopes to become an official member of LARC one day, but for now he’s content with being just a volunteer.

Remember, LARC always welcomes guests, new or returning! We hope to see you soon!

Thank you guys so much for reading, this AU took me waaayyyyyy too long to write, and I’m psyched to finally have it done! I’d be super happy to answer any asks you guys leave, or any questions you have in the comments! Again, thank you so much, and I hope you enjoyed!

-Liv 💫

[obeymeluv]

Ohhh how about the boys reacting to a lower demon hitting on reader? Like aggressively hitting on them that it’s already quite uncomfortable? Or it could be the shy, almost sweet type?

Hey there! Holy wow, how long has this been here? I usually check Tumblr from my phone and I guess message notifications don’t come through? So sorry T_T

Either way, Nonnie, this isn’t good :o

Divider from Glitter Geeks

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“It cannot be helped, for I am born of sin and they inspire it in me.”

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Lucifer

This is the BIGGEST, ULTIMATE NO

Like, all of Mammon’s past transgressions don’t POSSIBLY add up to this insult

At first Lucifer pays no mind because you seem to be integrating into the Devildom and furthering Diavolo’s grand plan. Good!

Then it starts to gnaw at him and he really pays attention. Call it the keen eye of an ex-angel, to watch over humans

Half of him is earnestly trying to plan things to say on the way over, not hearing how his own footsteps echo thunderously with impending doom, but half of him can’t even concentrate due to the overwhelming sense of wrong.

You seem very uncomfortable, this lesser demon is more incompetent than he thought possible, and there’s something hot and nauseating burning in him. It almost hurts to clear his throat, honestly

It feels like the part he’d forgotten about...almost all that Satan was. He honestly thought he didn’t have any wrath left in him, for pride seemed far nastier a thing to be stuck with

He lets those big black wings, once the pride of the Celestial Realm, unfurl in a great and terrifying display. He used to shine in the Celestial Realm when he revealed his true form, but in the Devildom it translates as pure heat

He fans his wings to cool the air around you but the lesser demon now knows his looming shadow and his terrifying presence

If the demon is bold enough to stick around, Lucifer introduces you as the resident human transfer, discourages them from making you late, and suggests any further interaction happen in the presence of one of your seven guardians (“Of which I am one.”)

Although he mentioned seven guardians, it’s clear that he’s the key guardian. The one who will oversee all, and that’s enough to send the demon skittering away.

It takes a few minutes for the air to cool and his wings to fold back in and Lucifer uses that time to glare a burning hole into the lesser creature.

Finally he looks at you and asks you how you’re feeling. Nothing bad happened? Do you need to file paperwork?

Would probably consort with Diavolo to cast a minor enchantment so you could protect yourself if one of the brothers weren’t around

Mammon

You think another demon’s going to get close enough to talk to you? While in the presence of your NUMBER ONE MAN?! Ha!

Mammon may complain about having to go to classes and tries to convince you to ditch more often than not, but he really does look out for you

And boy is Greed’s Avatar so he’s not going to skimp on the company

That also means he’s not going to share your company when he doesn’t feel like it

Mammon may not be openly flirtatious like Asmo, but he knows all about swindling people for their heart (for it is just as valuable as money) and he knows when this demon comes slithering up that he’s BAD NEWS

He’s clever with money-making schemes, has successfully stolen from almost all of his brothers to pawn things, and has brokered deals with witches in such a way that he’s barely affected. Boy’s going to know how to dodge a creep

And for a while, it works. He teaches you back passages and all sorts of little things

But, inevitably, you have to face it alone. He’s not going to always be there.

And he kicks himself when he’s not. Seems he’s only minutes late but ANYBODY who knows you--like your number one man!--knows you’re uncomfortable and THE GREAT MAMMON has to do something!

What does he do? The biggest, loudest, flashiest thing possible. THE BIGGEST SIGN YOU COULD GIVE ANYBODY

If the demon isn’t discouraged from Mammon yell-talking at you halfway down the corridor, Mammon gets to see the delicious way he deflates after he throws an arm around your neck and starts apologizing to ‘his human’ about being late

If he’s in a bad mood that day, he’ll probably toss the demon a single Grimm and tell him to get lost or go buy himself something nice.

The height difference is probably pretty significant so it’s easier for him to just scoop you under his arm and carry you down the hall. Or let his tail wrap around you and walk you down the hall.

Leviathan

I’d be interested to see Levi in this position, honestly. Part of me thinks he’d be too shy to do anything, instead sulking in his room, but part of me thinks once he sees you as a friend (or something more) he’s going to go to bat for you

If it’s that second one, he’d be slyly demeaning. Being the third-born, he’s probably got an intelligent sarcastic streak like Lucifer and a subtle underhandedness like Mammon.

As the Avatar of Envy, his main game is to make the lesser demon feel insignificant by pointing out how little they know you. They’re not your real friend like him so obviously they’re nothing.

He’s much better, anyways. They’re an NPC, he’s Player 1.

I’m also very, very curious about his position in the Devildom Navy. Is that some kind of a switch-flip moment where he can command a room no questions asked, or is it some kind of wickedly good strategy innateness?

Being a background person (and having Asmo as a brother), he probably overhears a lot of gossip. He’d probably drop some real gossip, something embarrassing. Probably say you were needed by Lucifer, as that’s more to-the-point and believable

The aim of the game is to send the demon away, to create distance. Mission accomplished.

Satan

He won’t intervene until he gets the idea that you’re uncomfortable. It’s a whole process with this one.

On the one hand, he wants you to be able to handle yourself. If you are not enough to send the creature away, then he’ll intervene. Partly because he’s technically responsible for you, partly because he cannot stand idly by and entertain this idiocy.

Satan has many tricks but his favorite one is to freeze the demon out by ignoring him.

Totally dominates/inserts himself into the conversation. Makes the demon feel like he isn’t there.

If that doesn’t work and your scrambling to corroborate him or just back out of the conversation, Satan speaks for you. (”We’re studying later.”, etc.). If the demon tries for another day, Satan just coolly adds ‘and tomorrow’ or ‘for the rest of the week’ until the point is made.

The longer this issue continues--despite his help--the more the Avatar of Wrath begins to reveal himself. That aura alone is usually enough to send anything running.

Kinda feels like he made an ass of himself no matter what, and apologizes after you two are alone. Is very cute and embarrassed.

Gives you a biting book. It’s an enchanted tome you can train not to bite certain people. You two are the only ones that can hold it. He looks forward to seeing how many people it bites before the week is over (a little too happy). 

Asmodeus

Oh the many ways this could be handled! Asmo has so many ideas!

At first his little heart skips a beat because how cute is this?! A cliche romance unfolding in the halls of RAD between a human and a demon? Then his little ‘radar’ begins to ping and he realizes not all is well or cute

He was kind of glad, honestly. You could do MUCH better (like him!)

It could be as easy as Asmo sliding in and charming the lesser demon to leave you alone, walking away in a stupor, or more complicated and sinister

Asmo’s never done anything truly, intentionally sinister but rumor mills can be pretty devastating. The lesser demon may find himself at the center of some unsavory rumors that cause him to slink around the general populous

The narcissistic fifth-born probably has something of a following. He may appoint some of his followers as body guards or just extra eyes to keep you safe

Or he could do a total 180 and make this lesser demon seem totally dreamy to others so they get chased and leave you alone. Yes, he quite likes that one!

Then there’s the traditional route, the most obvious (which Asmo prefers because, honestly, you two would be the CUTEST couple) where he’s your boyfriend and you guys didn’t want to tell anyone but OOPS! SECRET’S OUT! Great, now go away! Wait, take a picture for his Devilgram first! Okay, now go. 

Beelzebub

Probably takes Beel a bit to notice your discomfort. If he’s not distracted with food, it’s because he didn’t want to act in bad faith. What if you actually liked talking to that demon? What if you were just awkward like Levi? It’s a delicate matter.

Beel is no fool, though. He’s very friendly. If he introduces himself and the lesser demon doesn’t quit his behavior, Beel will then turn serious.

Tries to emphasize to the demon that you’ve said no

May show muscle or offer up a challenge. Sometimes people are hard-headed like that and need action.

“You want to date them? Beat me in an arm-wrestling competition.” (they won’t)

Beelzebub can be down-right crafty. “You want to date them? Beat me in an eating competition.” (he’s the undisputed champion).

I think he’d use his size in a good way. If this demon keeps cornering you/pestering you, Beel’s going to make a habit of walking between you or just picking you up until the demon gets the hint that if Beel’s around, he’s not talking to you

Belphegor

The smallest part of him is too tired to deal with this but he’s powered by the sheer amount of HELL NO and decides he has to fix it.

Fix it once and it stops

Belphie, like Satan and Lucifer, has  a low tolerance for stupid things. This demon is one of them.

Very cut-throat and point blank. “They’re not interested. Go away.”

Lord Diavolo and Lucifer expressly mentioned they couldn’t use their powers on YOU, not other demons. Belphie can probably make people really sleepy. He’d make this demon so deliriously tired that he couldn’t flirt with you

Definitely the type to make the demon pass out in the hall and leave him there. Head injury? No clue, he had to go to class. It’s okay, the other RAD students probably won’t step on them.

So mad about the demon. “Honestly!” as he fluffs his pillow angrily after you two have settled in your next class. It’s the angriest nap he’s ever taken.

I don’t think he takes his pillow to school but you can bet he’d but a brick or something in it and whack them. Maybe try to suffocate them. Probably wouldn’t risk his precious pillow like that.

I bet he’d fake nap if the demon tries to flirt with you in class. LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, GRATING fake snoring.  

Hope you liked it :)

[bard-of-light]

Details: Mehna Nuwu

STATUS —

💰 financial: // filthy rich / wealthy / comfortable / modest / poor / destitute

👑 class: // aristocracy / upper / middle / working(She started out poor but after becoming an adventurer, she's basically working classs) / poor / enslaved

🏥 medical: // fit / moderate / sickly / disadvantaged / disabled

🎓 education: // advanced / post-secondary / vocational /secondary / primary / none / self-taught (Ewe'ya taught her to read and write as a kid) / other

💣 criminal record: // yes for major crimes / yes for minor crimes / yes but wrongfully accused / none / has committed crimes but hasn’t been caught (She used to be in a gang from the ages of 13 to 17 so a lot of petty theft and assault)

FAMILY —

🏠 circumstances: // orphaned / fostered / adopted (She was adopted after the death of her parents, when she was around seven)/ raised by birth parent(s) / raised by other relative(She was raised by her older brother after her father abandoned them) / other

�� kinship: // close with family (Even though Ewe'ya left her on her own for two years, they do patch things up by 6.0) / not close with family / antagonistic with family / disowned / has no family / doesn’t know family / family is deceased / other

💗 relationship status: // married / divorced / widowed / in a relationship(With either Alisaie or Hilda or maybe both.) / it’s complicated / wants a relationship / doesn’t want a relationship / indifferent

🚼 children: // has at least one child (as of Post 6.0) / wants to have children / doesn’t want to have children / can’t have children / indifferent

TRAITS & TENDENCIES —

♦ extrovert // introvert // balanced // contextual

♦ disorganized // organized // balanced // contextual

♦ close-minded // open-minded // balanced // contextual

♦ calm // anxious // balanced // contextual

♦ cautious // reckless(Much to her friends' dismay) // balanced // contextual

♦ disagreeable // agreeable // balanced // contextual

♦ leader // follower // balanced // contextual

♦ empathetic // indifferent // balanced // contextual

♦ traditional // modern // balanced // contextual

♦ optimistic // pessimistic // balanced // contextual

♦ hardworking // lazy // balanced // contextual

♦ cultured // uncultured // balanced // contextual

♦ loyal // disloyal // balanced // contextual

BELIEFS —

🌟 faith: // monotheist(She isn't too faithful but she does worship Menphina. She is a skeptic though.)/ polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated / other

🔮 belief in ghosts or spirits: // yes/ no / not sure (If she has never seen any, they're not real.)/ doesn’t care

🌈 belief in an afterlife: // yes (She wants to believe she will she her parents and sister again)/ no / not sure(She wants to be able to see all the people she's lost over her journeys but she doesn't really believe) / doesn’t care

🌿 belief in reincarnation: // yes / no / not sure / doesn’t care

👽 belief in aliens: // yes / no / not sure / doesn’t care❔

philosophical: // yes / no / sometimes

GENDER & ATTRACTION —

👤 gender: // male / female / nonbinary / genderqueer / agender / other

👀 attraction: // straight / gay / lesbian / bisexual / pansexual / asexual / aromantic / demisexual / not sure / other

💕 romantically: // adventurous / experienced / jaded / curious / neutral / inexperienced / naive / reserved / indifferent / repulsed

🏩 sexually: // adventurous / experienced / jaded / curious / neutral / inexperienced / naive / reserved / indifferent / repulsed

ABILITIES —

💬 communication skills: // excellent / good / moderate / poor (She's getting a bit better but she usually is very loud and opinionated)/ none

☠ combat skills: // excellent (she's mostly good at being a tank or a dps)/ good / moderate / poor / none

📚 literacy skills: // excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

🎼 artistic skills: // excellent / good / moderate (She loves to write ballads and sing) / poor / none

🔨 technical skills: // excellent / good / moderate(She has done some crafting but anything that Cid and Nero do is over her head) / poor / none

HABITS —

🍸 drinking alcohol: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

🚬 smoking: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

🍰 indulgent in food: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

💊 recreational drugs: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

💲 splurge spending: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

🎲 gambling: // never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Tagged by @earthlystar and @traveler-of-light

Tagging @smoking-serpent @meepsthemiqo @lizzy-dotharl @jessilynse @faeluria @smallest-turtle . Sorry if you've already done this!

[mjmnorwood]

[I.D. A header image of two pencils on a yellow background, with title reading ‘Authorial Voice’. End I.D.]

Authorial voice is incredibly hard to define. It’s different to character voice and it’s different to style (both of which can change between an author’s works). I think of it is a fingerprint; the particular feel of the text that clues you in as to who the writer is. In this post I’ll give three examples of authors who I think have distinctive voices, then look at some of the elements that make up authorial voice. Fingers crossed it will be helpful for developing your own!

Example 1: Terry Pratchett

      It is said that the gods play games with the lives of men. But what games, and why, and the identities of the actual pawns, and what the game is, and what the rules are—who knows?       Best not to speculate.       Thunder rolled...       It rolled a six.

- Guards! Guards!

Pratchett is one of my favourite authors and it’s no surprise he made this list because he has an incredibly distinctive voice. No matter what book of his you pick up, you instantly know you’re reading Pratchett. His voice is gloriously witty, making use of wordplay and puns. It can also be dramatic and evocative (and these dramatic and evocative passages often lead to yet more wordplay). He always writes with an undercurrent of anger at injustices. I think Pratchett is a great author to read if you’re looking to see how an author’s voice develops. His early works like The Carpet People, even the first couple of Discworld books, have inklings of his distinctive voice, but it shines through so much more strongly in later books, as he writes with more and more confidence.

Example 2: Lois McMaster Bujold

      “Well, let me...” His hand stroked her hair gently, then desperately wrapped itself in a shimmering coil; they kissed again.       “Uh, sir?” Lieutenant Illyan, coming up the path, cleared his throat noisily. “Had you forgotten the staff conference?”       Vorkosigan put her from him with a sigh. “No, Lieutenant. I haven’t forgotten.”       “May I congratulate you, sir?” He smiled.       “No, Lieutenant.”       He unsmiled. “I—don’t understand, sir.”       “That’s quite all right, Lieutenant.”

- Shards of Honour

Some context for the exchange above: Cordelia, the MC, and Vorkosigan are in love, but after a long discussion they have decided they can’t be together due to irreconcilable differences between their home planets. Illyan mistakes their parting kiss for Cordelia accepting a marriage proposal.

Bujold is another favourite of mine, and her voice is completely different to Pratchett. Whereas Pratchett will often digress to add details or make jokes, Bujold is very to-the-point. Her writing is incredibly easy to read. It tells you exactly what you need to know and no more (if she waxes lyrical about something, you can be sure there’s a very good reason). I think the use of ‘unsmiled’ in the example above shows off her voice very well. Technically, it’s not a real word, but it perfectly conveys the abrupt change of expression that comes with Illyan’s confusion. She could have written something like ‘his smile fell away’, but it just wouldn’t pack the same punch.

Example 3: Susanna Clarke

Some years ago there was in the city of York a society of magicians. They met upon the third Wednesday of every month and read each other long, dull papers upon the history of English magic.       They were gentleman-magicians, which is to say they had never harmed any one by magic—nor ever done any one the slightest good. In fact, to own the truth, not one of these magicians had ever cast the smallest spell, nor by magic caused one leaf to tremble upon a tree, made one mote of dust to alter its course or changed a single hair upon any one’s head. But, with this one minor reservation, they enjoyed a reputation as some of the wisest and most magical gentlemen in Yorkshire.

- Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

Every time I pick up JS&MN (or its companion short story collection, The Ladies of Grace Adieu) I know I’m in for a treat, voice-wise. The long, rambling sentences, the archaic word choice, even sometimes deliberate misspellings of words, all combine to create a very unique voice. There’s a quiet, reserved sort of wit about it, never out-and-out jokes, but small things that make you smile. Clarke’s writing is also a good example of how the line between voice and style can blur. Since she hasn’t published anything that isn’t set in the JS&MN universe, it can be hard to tell what is her voice and what are stylistic choices to capture the milieu of the setting. The stories in The Ladies of Grace Adieu show a lot of variation in style, though (for example one is written as a diary, one like a fairytale), and her voice stays consistent through all of them—the word choice, tendency to long sentences, and that quiet wit are all the same.

Some elements of authorial voice

Vocabulary and word choice. Do you favour simple or complex language?

Sentence length and structure. Do your sentences tend toward the extended, or are they more short and snappy? (Note: varying sentences is important for flow and pacing, it’s just the overall trend towards long or short that I mean here).

The balance of dialogue and description. What occurs more in your writing, beautiful word-pictures or interesting conversations?

Use of literary devices. Do metaphors, similes and the like crop up a lot in your work, or is the narrative more sparse?

Paragraph use. Long and rambly or lots of breaks?

Story focus. Character? Plot? Worldbuilding? A mixture?

+ a whole host of other factors it’s difficult to summarise neatly (tone, stylistic choices etc...)

When it comes to developing your own voice, I honestly can’t say much more than write. Write a lot. You can’t really force voice; it doesn’t have shortcuts, you just have to see where your writing takes you. My one tip is that after you’ve written a lot, look over your work with a critical eye for some of the things mentioned above, and you’ll start to spot parts of your voice. Even though my voice is still very much in development, I’ve started to spot some patterns. I tend to use more dialogue than description, and have short paragraphs. I compared some of my work to a friend’s and noticed how different they looked on the page. Mine was broken up, whereas theirs had long paragraphs of description. I also tend not to use very advanced vocab, so when I do use a fancy word, you notice. Spotting elements of voice in your writing can help you decide what you like, and what you want to put more work into developing.

One final thing: if you don’t have a very distinctive voice, don’t stress about it! It will develop over time, and anyway, there are plenty of writers out there who don’t have very unique voices, but still write amazing, successful stories.

Like this post? Follow for more writerly content! It’ll be lovely to have you along :D

[big-girl-toaster]

Emily Sonnett - player analysis

A compilation of Sonnett‘s strengths, weaknesses (cause everyone has them) and general observations from Portland and USWNT games (mostly from 2018 and 2019) ft. my irrelevant opinion.

Enjoy!

Before I’ll start a few notes:

I’m obviously not a professional soccer analyst person or whatever, so please don’t come for my ass. These are just patterns or reoccurring things in Sonnett’s game I observed while rewatching tons of PTFC and USWNT games. 

I will focus on a few key points, that doesn’t mean that she has deficiencies in other aspects, sometimes it’s just hard to show them and I tried to avoid stating arguments without giving visual evidence. (All the links and credits are below the gifs)

I would love it if you gave additions, feedback or criticism to this post but all in all I just hope that you enjoy reading a bit about Sonnett’s more professional side and soccer tactics in general.

Please let me know if the format is weird, I’m still figuring out how to make big posts.

I sincerely apologize for the low quality of gifs, as I said, I’m figuring things out and I wasn’t able to upload proper clips.

And lastly, Sonnett is a precious little bean and I enjoyed making this more than I should have. Also, did I use this as an excuse to spend days on end rewatching old games? Yes I did.

I will start with three main strengths I think she brings to the pitch:

Communication / Leading the back line                                               (this is in regards to her position with the Thorns, I will talk about the differences between PTFC/USWNT later on)

As a center back you naturally have a more responsible role in terms of shifting players that are in front of you and communicating things to them they can’t necessarily see. Sonnett embraces that role completely and at 25 years old she is at the level of world class CBs in that regard. A lot of players take on that role much later in their career. Her college coach Steve Swanson for the University of Virginia said about her:

"There is a standard of focus and intensity that Emily demands of the players that play around her. She’s not afraid to hold her teammates accountable in that regard. That was one of the unique aspects of our team dynamic this year, is that Emily's style of leadership is different than the team was used to. I think the team has recognized that the qualities Emily has, we need.“

http://www.espn.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/14100802/virginia-emily-sonnett

This clip I wanted to show you is from a situation that is very common for a defensive line but overlooked bc we as viewers naturally tend to look at the movement of the ball. It’s the intentional shifting of the back line in the exact right moment to let an opposing attacker run into offside. In the original video you can hear Sonnett shout “DROP THE LINE“ and Menges and Kling follow her movement which results in Alex being successfully caught offside at the side line. 

((Tumblr won’t let me upload video clips, so here’s a crappy gif (look at Sonny and Menges), click the link to get to youtube, it’s at 21:30))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JGM6Nju0b4

A simple moment but a very crucial part of back line coordination.

      2.    Box positioning

A.k.a. one of the most important parts of good defending. Sonnett covers runs from attackers almost always with textbook precision. She anticipates passes and is able intercept balls which makes her a proactive rather than a reactive player. When she does have to go for a tackle she brings a feistiness that she probably learnt from a certain Kelley O’Hara I can imagine. She usually opts for slide tackles and that decision could be debatable if you’re the coach but it’s just so good to look at tbh

(credit to @geekmythologys for the last gif)

But anyway, her box positioning. Having watched a lot of games with my eyes glued to number 16, I can of course safely say that Sonnett knows what she’s doing. But I’ve been thinking more and more that she often has a sort of intuitive approach when it comes to box positioning in particular. For this next clip I’m gonna need your opinion. Normally I wouldn’t tell Sonnett to abandon her player in that moment, especially bc it creates a 3v2 situation on the attackers left side and also considering the angle in which Dunn is facing the goal. However, she steps in and is able to block the ball.

to see it properly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ev3SFCmbqQ  at 15:40

What do you think?

Oh and this is just excellent clearance work. AD was certainly hyped about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvcOuadyFu4

    3.   Offensive effort

Sonnett is one of the highest scoring CBs of the league but her offensive efforts aren’t measurable in just goals. For corner kicks she likes to do the near-post run Julie Ertz style and has been successful in the past, most notably the 2-0 in the semifinal 2017 against Orlando (which resulted in this gem of a gif):

She likes to stay up top for a bit when her position is covered by someone else and tbh I’m living for these moments.

Here she encourages quick playing and would have gotten through with it if the nwsl had good refs. She didn’t even touch her. (get it? haha) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOIDLJ4ZL1A

Here she drives the ball after winning it, even if her teammates are pushing up late and then she stays up front to participate in the counter attack. Unfortunately nothing evolves out of this situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ev3SFCmbqQ

Right. Those were the strengths, in terms of weaknesses, I don’t wanna pick apart the smallest things but this is what I found:

Misjudged midfield positioning

We’ve talked about her excellent positioning in the box, however, a huge part of modern soccer is having the Center Backs pushed up to the half-line (as well as inverted outside backs but that’s another point). And what I’ve noticed is that sometimes during turnovers Sonnett goes in to put pressure on the player and with that an even wider space opens up behind her that the opposing team could exploit. Like in this picture.

Blue is the ball movement, red (Sonnett) goes in when in my opinion green (Lindsey) should have been the one putting pressure on the ball bc now Daly can run into that open space. 

Luckily Sonnett’s speed prevents Houston from getting anything out of it but Daly tried it several times during the game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOIDLJ4ZL1A

My second example is that iconic tactical foul against ARod that we all remember.

Her positioning isn’t optimal, Klings pass isn’t the best, ARod gets her off of the wrong foot, she can’t turn around fast enough and has to stop her with a professional foul which is (I’ll say it again) demanded by coaches in situations like that. But anyway, tumblr has talked enough about this game rip

      2. Determining the biggest threat

This is a minor one, because Sonnett is usually really good at reading the game and making the right decisions. However in this game against Australia, she tries to cover the space behind Dahl which is technically reasonable but considering how wide open the Australian is, she should have closed her in earlier. That little hop inside the center of the field made the difference and the opposing player was able to score. 

I think it’s safe to say that stuff like this comes with age and experience. And again, Sonnett is only 25!

(The whole game against Australia is awesome for spotting strengths and weaknesses, plus we get tons of Sonny close-ups thus I can recommend rewatching it) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBNvE3owllY

Two more things I wanted to include are two risks that could be relevant in the future.

From time to time she doesn’t control her arm movement in the box.

This is obviously the natural thing you do when you make a move like that but with the new rules by Fifa, defenders are more and more limited and this would have been a penalty if it had hit her arm. Idk it could bite her in the ass at some point.

      2. Intuitive positioning 

We’ve talked about this and people might have different opinions on it. I personally think though that this might make the difference between a great and a world class defender. So I say go for it Sonny.

Phew, I’m almost done guys, congrats for getting this far, I hope it’s interesting at all.

The last thing I wanna mention is this: The difference between Portland Sonnett and National Team Sonnett, a.k.a. CB Sonnett and RB Sonnett.

Even though as a right back your role is more offensive, I feel like Sonnett has to be pushed to go for it. She rarely does those runs in behind the winger and towards the end line. When she does it it’s great but compared to Kelley she simply isn’t there yet. It also seems to me like for Portland she takes more liberties in pushing forward which maybe is a confidence thing as well. She is a given for the Thorns but had to fight to regain that roster spot for the NT in 2017 after not being called up for several months. Maybe the fear of making mistakes bc of being out of position hinders her a bit? (I’m saying this while being aware that I of course don’t know what the coaches want her to do and what the different game plans require of her.) Anyway, I love her 1v1 defending as RB. I think she is underrated and absolutely deserves a spot on the Olympic roster next year. 

One last low quality gif because we gotta stay on brand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBNvE3owllY

Well that’s it, I hope you enjoyed it. Again, I’d be grateful for additions, opinions, feedback, whatever. 

Thanks for reading :)

[douchebagbrainwaves]

LIES WE LOOK FOR STARTUPS

Wealth is what people want. Another powerful motivator is the desire to be better than other people at something. Though the way that happens won't necessarily be that the Europeans rode on the crest of a powerful macro, and say there! They won't be replaced wholesale. I and Apple II in the evenings. Mihalko, made that year something his students still talk about, thirty years later. Don't say, for example. If someone offers you money, take it. But it seemed worth spoiling the atmosphere if I could save some of the most knowledgeable investors in the Valley. The adults who may realize it first are the ones who had preserved a child's confidence, like Klee and Calder. It's not till you start the conversation by launching the wrong thing that they can consume a whole day, but that you're able to grow 6% a week instead of 5%.

Their answers were remarkably similar. You don't have to content themselves anymore with a proxy audience of a few smart friends. Google. Will a startup inevitably stop being a startup as an optimization problem in which performance is therefore unbounded. Don't be intimidated. The advantage of a medium of exchange, however, trust your instincts. In retrospect, I wonder how we could have wasted our time on anything so stupid. While the nerds were being trained to please. At any given time we have ten or even hundreds of microcancers going at once, then a smart hacker working very hard without any corporate bullshit to slow him down should be able to solve part of the terms of the visa that they couldn't work for existing companies, only new ones they'd founded. The solution societies find, as they were called then.

Thanks to Ken Anderson, Trevor Blackwell, Paul Buchheit, Jeff Clavier, David Hornik, Jessica Livingston, Matz, Jackie McDonough, Robert Morris, Eric Raymond, Guido van Rossum, David Weinberger, and Steven Wolfram for reading drafts of this essay, and Maria Daniels for scanning photos. They also need to be hackers to do what they'd do in the same email hell we do now. So far that is a 100% accurate predictor of death because in addition to the technical obstacles all startups face, they'll be going against thousands of years of medical tradition. Most fields become more specialized—more articulated—as they develop, and easy for even the smallest minorities can achieve a critical mass if they clump together. And the Internet makes copies easy to distribute. To hackers the recent contraction in civil liberties seems especially ominous. Web has been around for a millennium is finished just because of some magic Shakespeareness or Einsteinness, then it's not our fault if we can't do something as good. Clients shouldn't store data; they should be on it? Y Combinator started in Boston, and for the same reason: it will be for bad guys too.

The problem here is, average performance means that you'll go out of business. This is the thing that has surprised me most about YC founders' experiences. There have to be really good at acting formidable often solve this problem by giving investors the impression that while no investors have committed yet, several are about to. Only later did he start to ask questions instead of merely answering them correctly. Lots of small companies flourished, and did it by making cool things. I'm in the unusual position of being able to siphon off what had till recently been the prerogative of the elite. You can write and launch a product with even fewer people and even less money. They're measured, in that you think about it day and night, but never arrive at convincing.

[mythiica]

Myth congrats on all of your new followers!! ❤️❤️❤️ May I get a Modern!AU slow burn fic ending in fluff for either Ieyasu, Mitsuhide, or Shingen? Tbh, I'm having a hard time choosing who, please choose whichever one inspires you! I trust your decision hehe 😊

Title: Modern AU! Slow Burn

Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku

Character: Ieyasu Tokugawa, Mitsuhide Akechi, Shingen Takeda

Genre: mini fics

Warnings: none

Intended Gender Audience: Female Audience

Word Count: each is about 700 words x 3 = 2100 words

POV: second person w/ (Y/n)

Other comments: im insane so im doing them all as mini scenarios; i decided to use the official art of what jobs they would have in an AU setting, hope you like!- 

Ieyasu - Animal Kisses

“Hold her, will you?”

          You do as you are told, allowing Ieyasu to wrap the fawn’s leg with a bandage. It squirms in your grip, but you keep the animal in place the best you can. Once he smooths down the edge of the wrap, Ieyasu gives you a short nod, letting you know he has finished. The fawn stands up and takes a few steps with her newly bandaged leg before licking Ieyasu’s cheeks.

         He stands there, rather unamused, but accepts the creature’s kisses without saying anything. The deer also nuzzles its head against Ieyasu, but then he promptly picks her up to return her to the enclosure.

         “Aww! She likes you~” you tease as you follow behind him. “Thank you for helping her. I was really worried when I saw the blood this morning. I thought that something had broken into the conservatory, but she just fell over a broken branch.”

         “Don’t thank me. It’s my job.”

         “Still though… all the animals here like you. You have a special connection with them.”

         Ieyasu presses the button for the intercom. “Can someone come get Twyla? She’s ready to go back. Make sure she gets antibiotics in her food for the next six meals. If she comes back looking worse, I’m blaming you lot.”

         Your pager pings, so you pull it from your pocket. “Oh…” you mumble dejectedly.

         “Something wrong?”

         “No…” you reply, “I have to go to the other side of the facility to help one of the bush babies. It seems like one of them got stuck in a tree hole and is a bit too pudgy to get out.”

         Ieyasu chuckles slightly at this. “They have been putting on more weight than usual. Perhaps they are trying to bulk up for mating season?”

         Of course he has a reasonable answer for this. Ieyasu always knows everything about every animal in the rescue center. He also is always so kind to any creature that comes into his room.

         “I’ll see you around, then,” you say with a wave. “Bush babies to save...” You bite your lip and fumble with your fingers. An awkward silence passes between the two of you before you escape from the lab.

         Ieyasu lingers in his spot, leaning against the metal table, and thinks for a moment. He brushes off the notion and turns around to tend to some files for incoming animals.

         An hour later, a knock at the door coaxes him from his work. “You again?”

         You laugh. “This time, I am the patient.”

         He raises an eyebrow, to which you raise your finger and show him the smallest trickle of blood going down your finger. “Mating season indeed. The male attacked me when he heard the female squeal as I tried to remove her.”

         “That stupid saucer-eyed cotton ball,” he curses. “Come here.”

         Your heels click against the tiled floor as you walk over, and Ieyasu grabs your hand to inspect the puncture wound. “I washed it before coming here, but I didn’t know where we keep the medical supplies that are… well… for humans. I guess I’m too new here!”

         Ieyasu rips open a small alcoholic wipe and cleans your finger before applying a bit of cream to it and wrapping a band aid around it.

         “What’s my prognosis?”

         “You’ll live,” he replies. “Just make sure you wash it when you get home and keep it covered while you work.”

         “Thank you, Dr. Tokugawa.”

         “Don’t call me that. It makes me sound old.”

         You cover your mouth and laugh. Placing your hands back in your lap, you look around at his lab to avoid sparking up further conversation. But the, Ieyasu clears his throat, and you immediately worry that you intruded on something.

         “Oh! Sorry. I should… be getting to lunch. Thank you again.”

         This time, when you turn to leave, Ieyasu is not so quick to let you leave.  “Would you like to stay here and eat?”

         “I thought we were not allowed to bring food into the labs.”

         Ieyasu points at the tables. “I sanitize these at least forty times an hour. My floors are cleaner than the cafeteria tables.”

         You can’t hold your smile back and nod your head enthusiastically.

Mitsuhide Akechi - Late Nights at the Precinct

You turn the lights out and close your office door behind you. The lock clicks shut, and you begin to walk to the front doors to leave the precinct. With your hands on the door bars, you catch a glimspe of Mitsuhide in his own office. He is hunched over his desk, reviewing papers for a recent case he took on.

          Up to now, you have only heard whispers of the famous Mitsuhide Akechi –  he was a legend in Japan for solving the most difficult of cases. People said that it took him three days to find an illusive serial killer that had evaded the police for nearly a year. You wonder if he is really as ruthless as they say. Not only was he extremely good at his job, but people claimed that he had more connections to mafias and gangs than anyone in the country. This earned him the nickname ‘kitsune’, as he could shape shift to fit his needs for the case.

         You knock on his open door and lean against the doorframe. “Burning the midnight oil?” you inquire, trying to sound cool.

         He looks up, his golden eyes seemingly piercing through you. Mitsuhide takes his glasses off and leans back in his chair. His hand shifts, moving the case file over the papers so that you cannot see them. Of course he is guarded. He transferred to the Tokyo division only recently.

         “Is it really that late? I hadn’t noticed.” Mitsuhide proceeds to stand up and stretch before sauntering over to you. “And what is a little mouse as yourself doing here at a time like this?”

         “I had to finish a report for a case I just closed.”

         “Oh?”

         “Kidnapping,” you explain.

         Mitsuhide’s eyes shine. “I don’t think we’ve properly met, Detective…?”

         “(Y/n) (L/n).”

         “Ah, of course. You helped with the Yandere Killings last year, didn’t you?” Mitushide refers to a string of murders that happened over the course of a week early last spring. They were strangely consistent with murders that happen in the game Yandere Simulator, hence the name ‘Yandere Killings’ was coined for the case.

         “Yes, but I didn’t do as much as you did, Detective Akechi. After all, you caught the person who was doing it.”

         Mitsuhide smiles, accepting your praise happily.

         “Sorry to bother you, I just saw your light and…” you trail off, not really knowing how to explain why you stopped by.

         “It’s no problem.”

         Indeed, Mitsuhide was keeping his answers short as to avoid complicating the conversation further. You wonder if he ever let anyone in. Shaking the thought from your mind, you bow your head. “Best of luck on the case you are working on now. I will take my leave now. Goodnight, Detective Akechi.”

         “Goodnight, little mouse.” He stays in his spot as you leave, only moving from the doorframe until after you have exited the building.

         The next morning, when you enter the precinct, you can see Mitsuhide sitting in your chair from the main hall. “Hello Detective Akechi. What brings you here?”

         He brings his feet down from your desk and looks at you. “I came to ask you a question.”

         “Okay. Shoot.”

         Mitsuhide clicks his tongue. “Do you suppose it is possible that the murders from the Back alley case were moved there?”

         You tap your finger against your chin, pondering this idea. “I haven’t reviewed the case file in detail, but there wasn’t any evidence that they had been killed on the spot, right?”

         He nods. “Smart mouse.” Mitsuhide seems to really like this nickname. “Does that not make it kidnapping, technically?”

         “Well…” you think back to your years of training, “Not always. Kidnappers are not always motivated by a murderous intent. Unless the victims were held captive and then killed, I don’t know that… wait…” Something seems off. Why is he asking you this? Mitsuhide is smart enough to know the answer himself. He could just as easily look it up. Why bother to com ask you directly?

         Mitsuhide tips his head and looks at you as if he is analyzing you.

         “Are you asking me to work this case with you?”

         The corners of his mouth curl upwards into a sly smile. “How perceptive.”

         You laugh. “You could have asked me or put in a request with–”

         He stands up and pats your head, ruffling up your hair. “Yes. I could have. But I wanted to test you. And you passed, little mouse. Congratulations and welcome to the homicide division.”

Shingen - Etude in G# minor, Op.25; No.6

He plays with the grace of a swan gliding through crystal clear water. His fingers glide across the keys, creating beautiful harmonies that echo throughout the concert hall. The rest of the symphony has stopped playing, allowing him to continue with a piano solo.

          You find it strange – you have heard this particular piece, Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto No.2, but the way Shingen Takeda plays it… he transforms the piece and brings the audience along for a mystical ride along with him. You would not be surprised if there were people moved to tears. In fact, when you inhale, your chest rattles with a surpassed cry.

         Shingen ends the song, keeping his finger held down on the key for a bit longer than was supposed to, but no one notices because the hall erupts into applause. You have been attending concerts for many years, but this is the first time that people throw roses onto the stage.

         He picks one up, and when he smells it, his gaze locks with yours. You are not too far in the back, and nor are you very close to the front, so this catches you off guard. Your stomach does flips in your abdomen when he winks. If Shingen Takeda was anything in addition to one of the best pianists in the world, he was the biggest flirt in the world as well.

         The concert dismisses, and crowds run to the exits in an attempt to catch him before he leaves. When you enter the main hall, you hear screams from behind you. A mob of young women runs straight for you, but before they make impact, a strong hand wraps around your waist and pulls you out of the way.

         When you look up, you nearly lose your breath – Shingen smiles at you with that charming smile of his. It melts your bones and steals any words you could have said in the moment.

         “Careful there,” he purrs, dipping his head closer to you, “an angel like you should watch her step.”

         Your heart thunders in your chest, and you pull to get away. The crowd of girls has circled around you, trying to get a piece of the action. Shingen pays them little attention, and actually seems saddened that you have moved away from him. “You played beautifully tonight, Mr. Takeda.”

         “Hearing that, from you, is a gift in itself.” The women all swoon simultaneously, but Shingen tips his head slightly when you do not fall for the same sweet talk.

         “Thank you,” you say quickly before escaping the crowd.

         The next day, you return to reality and your job as a hostess at a high-end restaurant. You arrive a bit earlier than usual so you can help set up the tables for dinner. The restaurant sits on the top of a skyscraper-hotel. As soon as you come out of the elevator, you nearly drop your phone because you see Shingen Takeda sitting at the piano in the middle of the dining hall.

         He plays as beautifully as he did last night, putting you in a trance that nearly makes you miss getting out of the elevator. Skittering out from the elevator, you try to find one of your coworkers and ask them to explain why Shingen is there.

         “Oh, the boss asked him to make an appearance tonight and play for the guests. Did you not get my text?”

         You look down and realize that you have gotten a message from her, but you were busy ogling Shingen to notice. Inhaling, you shake the nerves off and collect some table cloths to go cover the tables. Deep down, you pray that he doesn’t notice you, but when you hear him whistle, you know you’ve been found.

         He waves at you, and you know that he won’t stop until you visit him. “Hello again,” he greets, “it must be fate that allows me to see you again today, my angel.”

         “I’m not your angel. I work here.”

         Shingen runs his hand through his hair. “Tonight, I will play whatever song you wish. Tell me, what do you desire?”

         Rolling your eyes, you smirk. “Chopin's “Etude in G# minor, Op.25; No.6.” It was one of the most difficult pieces you knew, so you threw it at Shingen in an attempt to deter him.

         Instead of being discouraged, he smirks and nods. “A fine choice. I will make you proud, my goddess.”

         You pause. “Uh.. angel… is better than goddess.” A blush spreads across your cheeks as you say this, but it only makes Shingen laugh.

         When guests begin to arrive, Shingen finally starts to play the song you asked for. As he plays the first few notes, you stop and turn to look at him. The spotlight is focused directly above him, catching everyone’s attention. Your heart shatters as the minor undertones take over because he is that good.

         Snapping back into reality, you take a group to their table. On the way back to the front, you stop by the piano and place a flower on the music stand. He smiles at you, but continues to play.

         The music wraps around you, enveloping you in the strong emotion he pours into the piece. Of course he does. He is Shingen Takeda after all – the world’s best flirter and pianist.

[rachel-bloom]

Can I ask why you dislike Nathaniel so much? Before him I was also a HUGE grebecca shipper but Nathaniel seemed like a better match for her in Greg’s absence. And I was surprised actually once Greg came back I didn’t love him the same way I did before for some reason.

prepare for a rant because im tired of this fandom’s obsession with him 

very negative so don’t even read this if you’re a n*thaniel stan and don’t even bother to argue with me because you know i’m right

but he wasn't a better match, i don't wanna say you in particular but most of the fandom is just blinded by his good looks. like he isn't a good person? he gets a pass for everything he does bc "bohoo he had a bad childhood and his dad doesn't give a fuck about him" like who the fuck cares? i know crazy ex gf is a comedy but r/n songs are like...... weird bc he either fatshames her for comedic value which is like... gross? or the line "it wasnt technically hitler's fault hitler's brother died and that made him super sad" and rebecca is..... jewish. like thats a big yikes from me bro. 

point of their whole relationship is that it's always been about being bad and feeding into her darkness that she wanted to experience at the beginning of s3 like "hey im a bad girl im gonna ruin josh chan's life" i think point of the show is also like that all 3 relationships were never at any point healthy but people excusing nathaniel's behavior after s4 is like.... whelp

he has like....... zero personality out of his relationship with rebecca it's always just about rebecca about being with her and getting in her pants like look.. i didn't really care about him in s2/s3 sure it hurt a lot when greg left and he was right there and it was easy to transfer my love for greg onto him just because he was there and rebecca's new love interest but even now when i look back he wasn't like a good person?  i don't wanna be nitpicky and mention the smallest things but like he was willing to commit murder to have sex with her and that's like.. messed up lmao. i did start hating him hardcore in s4 though. like he literally never respected any of her wishes she says "nathaniel leave me alone we're not good together" and then he manipulates her brother (a literal minor) into giving him rebecca's diary so he could manipulate her and be like "omg look i know this and this maybe we are soulmates after all" the moment he said "everytime we're happy you try to ruin it" it was literally over for me lmao idk how yall can ship this. like 80% of the excuses r/n shippers have is that he's hot and "greg hates waterparks so he's a bad person" when we all know rebecca's mind portrayal of songs and people is not always accurate to reality.

ALSO, he's been on the show for 2 seasons and he hasn't developed for one single fucking second and then he gets ONE day dream episode and suddenly hes a changed man??????? lmao. i admit the turning maya into rebecca at the end and the "let me go" was beautiful i cried not for shipping purposes but because of how rachel acted the scene out and how heartbroken he was BUT it was literally for nothingggg lmao. the second grebecca breaks up he's all up her ass again.

i don't know how much you know about bts stuff but aline (the co-show runner or whatever she is) is OBSESSED with nathaniel it's not even funny anymore, there's been this interview but i can't find it) anyways she was so hell bent on redeeming his worthless ass that it was rushed in the final episode (i admit the zoo thing was cute but i think they only did that because it was you know ~meta~ bc of his zoo song and they had zero idea what to actually do with him bc apparentely there was lots of i don't wanna say discourse but arguments between rachel and aline when it came to what to do with his character in general)

also the BeCauSe iM nIcE noW was so fucking annoying like it wasnt even comedic anymore it was just bad writing

sorry if you like him lmao i just get really worked up about this subject

[scripted-dalliances]

Rest In Peace: Chapter Six

Title: Rest In Peace

Chapter: 6

Summary: A part of Faithless Fairy Tale, a more in depth look at how they brought Laura back to life. Appearance of old faces, creation of new ones and if you’re looking for canon, it left a long, long time ago. If you squint you might be able to see some pieces from the book.

“No, love, in real life you can get all the way to death and never have finished one single story." -Catherynne M. Valente

+

“I can't believe I'm doing this.” Laura tells herself, looking at the open deep freezer before her. What had started as a seedling of a threat from Sweeney, had now become a reality of her own making because she could feel herself getting squishy.

She had moved what she could, shoving it into a different freezer across the way. Piling things that wouldn't matter next to it. If Ostara really cared about the damp bag of peas, she would buy her a new bag. Correction, she would make someone who was tall and ginger buy a new bag. This was technically his idea.

With help from an overturned bucket, Laura climbs in and lays down. The deep freezer is wide and long enough that it's an easy feat if she curls on her side. She can't really feel the cold any more, but she does relax a bit. No longer feeling like she's about to melt, or worse, start dropping limbs like a break dancing leaper.

-but the silence becomes an issue. And the darkness.

Laura forces herself to fake breathe in deep and out, twice before accepting defeat and pushing the freezer back open.

With renewed energy, she climbs out and rushes up the stairs, back into the massive kitchen where she finds Sweeney about to bite into a sandwich.

“I need your help.” She admits, and it pains her, it really does. The last time she asked for help...shit she doesn't even remember. Its like taking a knife to her own guts. But somehow, in the after math of his little story time, she finds the words slip out easy as a sin.

Sweeney looks angrily at her, then to the sandwich in his hands. Then back again, clearly struggling to make a choice.

“You can bring the damned sandwich. I don't care.” She tells him, only to promptly turn back down the stairs so she doesn't have to argue with him.  She waits on top of the bucket until he shows up. He takes one glance at the freezer then at her and frowns.

“I thought we were good.”

“We are.” As good as either of them could get. Her being dead, him her killer and the god that decided to fuck with them both gone. Obviously there was remaining issues but they were working on them. “I need you to talk to me while I chill in here. So I don't feel like I'm about to melt into a goo.”

“...You want me to talk?”

“Yup.” She chirps. Opening the freezer once more to climb in, back into the winter darkness that awaited. This time, when it shuts closed, she waits to hear his voice.

Finally after a beat, she hears him.

“What exactly do you want me to say?”

“I don't care.”

She can't see it, but she knows he's rolling his eyes.

“How about I tell you of the time some undeserving bastard stole my coin and how I met the smallest, bitterest dead bitch in the world?”

Laura grins widely, knowing he can't see.

“Yeah. Okay. Tell me that one.”

+

He tells her tales. Some from his past, now that she knows, he can tell her the bits and pieces that aren't important. That only he knows, that only matter to him. He tells her of the Gods and Goddesses he has met, working for the man she knows as Wednesday who would later be revealed as Odin. He tells her how some of them are doing just fine, how others live in the gutter. Which ones he likes. Which ones he hates with a passion.

Who chased him from their doorsteps and who tried to eat him.

He tells her about the time he went on a drunken rampage and burned down a Lucky Charms factory.

About the time he got into a fist fight with an Irish nun in New York because she wouldn't stop bad mouthing his kind. He had been young and bitter, and following some young lad who still believed.

“Who won?” Laura's voice echoes out from the deep freezer.

Sweeney grins, “I fuckin' did. Cops saw her throw the first punch, hauled her away.”

Laura laughs, and he decides to tell her about the time in Las Vegas, he saw three strippers of various stages of undress bitch slap Odin. How when he went to defend the old dirty bastard, they kneed him in the junk and stole his wallet.

All because they were all sisters of Lady Luck.

That one makes her laugh hard enough to pop her jaw out of its alignment.

+

“Your turn.” Sweeney proclaims hours later. The night is nearly over, and he's not slept but it's not a problem. He doesn't feel tired.

“My turn?”

“Tell me a tale.”

“Nah,” She drawls, “I mean, the dead tell no tales, remember?”

“Cop out.” He tells her, throwing a pea he found on the floor at her freezer.

A whole minute passes in silence before she speaks again.

“How about I tell you about the time some asshole leprechaun tried to bully me?”

“Aye, tell me that one then. He sounds like a handsome lad.”

+

Laura isn't the best story teller, but she manages to spin a web of interest. More than once getting distracted by a minor twist that she has to explain. Or to defend her choice, because Sweeney isn't a good listener and he wants to argue with her just to drive her up the wall. There are points in stories where she has to raise her voice just to keep it going over him.

She has to fight to tell her tales.

She tells him of the time her mother had an affair with her Sunday school teacher, and that's probably what jump started her apathy for religion. He mocks that maybe that's just how her mother choose to pray to her god.

She tells him about meeting Shadow, and he complains how lame of a meeting it is. She argues that it's a lot more interesting than most.

Finally she tells him about the world of sand, the God judging her and the feather instead.

“...Shit. That sounds like Mr.Jacquel. Or Anubis if you’re dead. Cheerful bugger was he? Haughty as the Pope and twice as judgmental? Wears a black smock like a granny at a funeral?”

“That doesn't make sense...but yeah. Why, he on Odin's side too?”

“No. He doesn't pick sides. Death gods don't have troubles like the rest of us do as much. They just get bored, go mad with it before they fade. Grimnir was friendly enough with ‘em, but only because they owed him a favor or two. What did you do?”

Laura thinks about lying, of telling him that she was drawn back before anything could be done.

Instead, she finds herself telling him the truth, “He tried to reach for my heart and I smacked his fucking hand. Then told me he had to weigh my heart against a fucking feather of all things.”

“That's how they do it, I hear there was one that ate your sins or something like it. Was he there?”

“Never got that far. I slammed my hand down on his stupid little scale. Good or bad, I lived my life and it sure as fuck wasn't light as a feather.” Laura recalls the god's stunned expression, that quickly turned into simmering anger at her attitude. “He told me I was to go to darkness. Not peaceful nothingness, darkness. To be crammed into a hot tub like the one I attempted to killed myself, complete with bug spray. So I told him to go fuck himself.” She still remembers how she felt. Pissed off and cheated.

Maybe she didn't believe in a fluffy cloud heaven, and more over knows she doesn't meet the requirements to get through those particular pearly gates but it had seem unfair regardless. If she hadn't believed, if she had simply vanished from the world that would have been better. Easier to accept.

Instead she felt insulted and punished for not believing at all, in anything. For not making a choice. And that wasn't even mentioning she wasn't even suppose to die, that gods had interfered with the course of her life for their own personal gain.

“Oh, I bet he was pissed. No one likes disorder like Mr. Jacquel.”

“He was fine with it last time I saw him.”

The lid of the freezer is lifted, Sweeney peers down at her, “You saw him again?”

Laura leans up onto her elbows, “Yeah. After I punched the shit out of those guys for hurting Shadow. I tore my arm off, and was trying to piece it back together with Aubrey’s crafting supplies. Next thing I know I’m bumping into him and his brother. They offered to stitch me up and give me a make over.”

His face contorts into clear confusion.

“The gods of death gave you a bloody make over.”

“You got a hearing problem? Yes. Why?” Laura stood up, only mildly annoyed with the fact that even in the box she was hardly reaching his neck. “I got the impression they didn't care what I did. So what does it matter? You said yourself they don't really pick sides.”

“Aye, when it comes to Grimnir and his war, no. They keep to themselves, on occasion they help out for a favor but that doesn't mean they ain’t got their own agendas. That's every god, dead girl. Not a single damn one of them does something for nothing. Not even Jesus Christ himself.”

He has a point.

“All he said was that I had a heavy heart, and oh man, didn't that suck. Oh, and some bullshit about vowing to return me to darkness.”

“Well it is the man's job.”

Something clicks, “Why is that?”

Sweeney sucks in a deep breath and rolls his eyes, “If I have to fuckin’ explain the ins and outs of what it means to be a god of death, I will cut my own throat with a fuckin' butter knife. His real name is Anubis, surely you took an ancient history class once or twice. Or has the American educational system become that bad?”

“It has, but not my question. I meant why him. I didn't believe in anything, that's what he told me himself. So why the hell was Anubis the Egyptian god of death in charge of my, clearly not Egyptian ass?”

It's a good enough question to stump the leprechaun for a moment or two, eventually offering a hesitant, “Coulda been the ol one eyed bastard again.”

“Question is still why, numb nuts. I was dead, super buried and all that jazz. No way in hell he accounts for Shadow getting your coin and him dropping it on my grave. What would have been the point of him going the extra mile of hiring Anubis to deal with me. I mean, if we are going by that logic, wouldn't it be easier to send one of the Jesus Christ super stars, someone I would have easily recognize and maybe not question if he just kick me down to hell?”

“I've only met the brothers twice, all I know is that they have a crazy cat sister and a crazier missing brother. Rest of the family is either rumors or gone. They've been running that funeral home for ages, neither of them have a taste for trouble or war. All they really seem to care about is hearing a good story and getting a good nibble on the dead.”

Which, holy shit why did no one mention that had to be something she worried about now.

“You mean they could have eaten me?”

“Not you, dead girl. To them you are a questionable chicken salad sandwich from the gas station gone bad. They like their meat a bit fresher.”

“Thanks.” She glowers, debating whether or not to punch him but when she goes to peer over the edge of the freezer, finds that something is missing. “Where's my bucket?”

“Oh, you mean my bucket? The one I had to sit on so my arse didn't go numb as fuck, sitting on the ground down here, talkin to you? Aye, that bucket is over there.” His joy evident as he points to said bucket,  which is a clear distance away from where she needs it to be. If she doesn't want to attempt to climb out of this damn thing like a toddler out of a crib.

“Go get my bucket.”

“My bucket, you mean.”

Laura feels the anger in her bubble up, “Either you get that bucket for me or I will stand up on this ledge, fling myself up at your stupid head and rip out every single strand of ugly hair you have. Including your fucking nose hair!”

“You can’t reach, cunt!”

“Wanna fucking bet?”

Laura makes a false pinching attempt towards him, and he steps back so quick he almost trips over his own feet. She smiles, satisfied at his growl until he stomps over and picks her up. Massive, strong hands wrap around her waist and for a second she is weightless.

She has always been a tiny woman, shorter than most, and that meant she was used to people; mostly men hauling her up. She didn't hate it, and even enjoyed the action with Shadow but normally it was just the sensation of being carried up. Of her toes leaving the ground and her weight being rested against someone's chest or arms.

Like she's something to carried, luggage turned burden because that's what happens. They pick her up, twirl her around and only then, realize slowly she is heavy in different ways.

She isn't what they expect hidden under her appearance, of a slim girl with no scars to see. She is dense bones and tense muscle, lacking sweetness and kindness, with a heavier heart than most. That’s when they put her down. Or let her down. Which ever comes first.

It's different with Sweeney, in his grasp she feels lighter. Like she's made up of something soft and airy, like spun cotton candy from a carnival. All because his strength completely envelops her, forcing her to realize this is him weak. This is him without his luck that currently rest in her belly, and yet it's still enough to make her feel as though she was floating.

Shit, if this is half of what people felt in the arms of their patron of worship, she could understand.

Unconsciously, she reaches out before he can let her go. Touching his wrists where they rest on her waist, making him go still. Obviously he had meant to just help her out, but she isn't ready to let this feeling go, not  just yet.

It's nothing like kissing Shadow, where she felt her heart beat, like she was drinking down a new born star and would happily implode if she could have just consumed her fill of him and his warmth; his love, she had wrongly assumed.

This, makes her lungs expand and draw in air. She exhales slowly, sharper than before. Like for once she needs to breath.

“What is this? What's happening?” She feels rather than sees his shrug, the bunching of his arms the way his pulse jumps under her thumbs.

“Your guess is good as mine, dead girl.”

Laura’s mind races. Nothing makes sense. Sure they swapped some stories, and she did her best to keep an open mind but surely it's not that easy? Getting an oil change is harder.

“It feels…” She can't explain.

Sweeney shifts subtly, enough for her to look up at him and gauges his guilty expression.

“Don't make this weird.”

“I ain't!”

“You so are.”

-and just like that, he is dropping her completely. Pulling his hands away and stalking back up the stairs. Muttering darkly under his breath.

Before he can shut the door, Laura shouts.

“That was a weird reaction, by the way.”

He slams the door so hard it cracks.

>

[thegempage]

i’m tired so i’m gonna ramble about Grimm and some random background npcs

(if u don’t know what Grimm is then hi, welcome to my blog, i have a taz amnesty fic i write called The Other Monster Hunters and i love it a lot)

but anyway, Grimm has a handful of departments besides the Reapers, so i wanted to explore possible coworkers for unit 147!! consider everyone except Dr. Church semi-canon (Dr. Church has been mentioned in a later chp, so she gets to be canon lol)

i’ll do a quick explanation of each department and then the employee i made for it!

so. confession. the department information is copy-pasted from my info doc asdfhjk

i have art for a few of these characters but i’ll post that later

why does only one person have a last name? bcus their last name is a joke about clerics and everyone else i didn’t feel like looking up puns for

Reaper: monster hunters, used to be an independent company similar to the Pine Guard but Grimm offered them secrecy and a purpose; divided into units of four members each, usually one diplomat/damage control/people person and three monster hunters

Unit 147 (Janice is technically their “diplomat” but she’s taken up monster hunting after the Incident).

Sphinx: research department, they take the samples and run the initial tests; divided into teams of six workers with various specializations in order to maximize the data each team can get from samples

Iris (she/her) is a 32 y/o biologist who was brought in and continues to get treatment for an autoimmune disorder. She’s worked at Grimm for about five years and has little family left outside of Grimm.

Hippogriff: the medical development department, take the data from Sphinx and use it to develop possible medicines; teams shuffle based on availability and specialization but are made of ten members

Griffin (he/they) (shut up it was a good pun) is 38 and specializes in making more efficient and less addictive pain medications. He was originally hospitalized with a work-related injury that paralyzed him from the neck down; Grimm managed to give back feeling in his upper body, so he uses a wheelchair. He’s worked at Grimm for eight years.

Phoenix: emergency medical care department, they handle things like battle wounds, surgeries, and taking care of innocents hurt in monster attacks; units are made up of five people who all share a specialization in medical care

Erin (they/them) is 29 and a general surgeon who has worked for Grimm for about three years. They were infected with a reaccuring flesh-eating bacteria, to which they eventually lost their right leg (they have a prosthetic) but beat with the help of monster-based medicine. Higher-ups suspect they got the infection in a monster attack, but they won’t confirm nor deny.

Hydra: department in charge of monitoring the other departments, they send agents into the other departments alone or in pairs if there’s a suspicion of abuse of power or leaking secrets; as the smallest department, agents mostly work alone and only join together in pairs if they need to split up and cover different issues (i.e. one information leak and one abuse of power) or pose as both a department member and an innocent (for the reapers)

Emily (she/her) is 21 and one of the youngest members of the Hydra department (or most of the departments, really). Her hiring and admission are a tighly-wrapped secret, and she doesn’t like to talk about her life before Grimm. She’s a relatively new memeber of the team, having only worked there for two years. Her family was lost in a monster attack, and (while nobody knows) she’s been under their supervision since she was ten; her aunt is Dr. Sarah Church, who also raised her. Emily has a few unexplained but minor health issues, mostly regarding chronic pain and migraines.

Minotaur: security department, they guard Grimm buildings and are heavily concentrated around areas of high confidentially; teams vary based on the location they’re assigned to, ranging from single-person-at-a-time rotations of door guards to patrolling teams of four or five each

Isaiah (he/him) is 23 and works as lab security in Grimm’s lower levels. He actually works closely with Iris and Griffin, since they’re around the lab a lot. He was originally hospitalized for vision problems, which were found to be the result of a malicious tumor. He wears an eyepatch over his right eye (since it was removed) and has been working with Grimm for two years.

Brownie: HR department, they function the most like a normal business; they don’t form teams, but all work together within their fluctuating population based on need

Dan (he/him) is 34 and works in HR. His son Jason was admitted to Grimm at 4 and is now 12 years old for a handful of health problems. He took the job in order to be close to and help teach Jason, as he and his fiance split when Jason’s problems got steadily worse in the care of a regular hospital. He’s worked with Grimm for all eight years of Jason’s care.

(Grimm actually has a program for children in their care or the children of employees in their care, but it’s small and less rigid than a normal school.)

Anthousai: regular/non-emergency medical staff, often more of an affectionate nickname than an actual department, since it includes staff not involved in the monster side of Grimm

Dr. Sarah Church (she/her) is 49 and one of Grimm’s top doctors. She specializes in experimental human augmentation (like what gave Janice her powers). One of the few employees who wasn’t hired out of recovery (though she has had procedures done at Grimm since then), she was invited to work with them after she graduated high school early and showed great potential even in medical school. She’s worked for Grimm for almost 20 years.

Gaea: the highest department, basically the chairmen/CEOs of Grimm; there are twenty people who all collaborate to make decisions about the company both in and out of the public eye

I actually didn’t make anyone for this, bcus i. didn’t feel like deciding their identities yet

[firebirdsdaughter]

Zi-O 20 subs are out~...

... And I can finally sit down!~

That’s right, after a long day of work, I can finally come home, eat a weird concoction of linguini, chicken, tomato, and parmesan, and watch my children do things while I plot their untimely deaths!

... That... Sounded really creepy. Please, no one take that out of context.

In no order:

Well, we start w/ a lot of the same thoughts.

Kuro Woz is lying to me again...

I hate Shiro Woz.

So does Geiz, pretty sure.

The watch is symbolic, I suppose. Doesn’t it restart at the end?

Okay, so I think I kinda understand why Quiz is still Quiz, even though there’s Another Quiz--bc w/ all the others, they were previous Riders. The Another Riders were created in the same year that those Riders existed, which was in the past. But Quiz is (allegedly) from the year 2040. So he doesn’t exist yet, in 2019, when Another Quiz was created. And going by how he knows about his father being said Another Rider, it’s probable that Another Quiz was defeated before he became Quiz. So they never actually existed, technically, at the same time--or, I guess, it might be clearer to say that they didn’t originate at the same time. And for Kinji, we A) only saw Shinobi in a dream and B) it was him who was made into the Another Rider. They were the same person. Did... Any of that make sense?

That is totally the moment he had the idea.

I still don’t know what Oct-Sox is.

Geiz’s ‘please someone shoot me’ face every time Shiro Woz is Shiro Woz.

Geiz is slowly wandering into considering Sougo an actual ally and I don’t know he’s quite realised it yet. He’s trying to predict what Sougo is going to do in a situation and work w/ it. I love my sons.

Also Sou Okuno remains absolutely adorable.

Shiro Woz just wanders in to ruin everything by whining.

No, I’m sorry. Geiz’s mission is to defeat the ostrich.

HE’S SO EMBARRASSED! I LOVE IT!

Geiz is a straightforward, honest, good boo and I LOVE HIM.

He’s super embarrassed. I love tsunderes so much. I just love simple, kinda gruff characters who end up being soft in their own ways, despite trying not to.

Hiromu is like ‘I detect friendship?’ and Geiz is like ‘oh, god, NO’

But I can see why Geiz would be afraid of actually getting close to Sougo. Bc then what if something does happen, even if it’s out of their control, and he does have to kill him? Either he won’t be able to go through w/ it at all, or it’ll destroy him bc he’s such a loyal and honest and true person. Especially since he’s so uncomfortable showing feelings et al. Like, he’s just so genuinely afraid of going through more pain and loss than he already has. God, I wish we had more backstory on these kids.

I still hate Shiro Woz’s laugh.

Wow. They’re henshining quite close to each other...

I’m still pretending that the using of the W Armour was significant and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

Geiz just stands around and watches Hiromu punch his dad for a bit.

Okay, the giant W is funny.

I told you, he’s Red Buster.

Okay, so he does have a kid at this point.

Geiz is just like ‘this is the moment awkward moment of my life, and I am an extremely awkward person.’

The hilarious thing is that it didn’t even look like Shiro Woz hit Geiz that hard. But he still went flying.

I’m minority offended by the BeyonDriver voice doing the Quiz Driver voice transformation announcement.

DON’T TAKE THINGS SHIRO WOZ HANDS YOU!

Yeah! I knew I remembered right! They watch works now!

Is that Revive from the back or the front? I can’t tell. It’s still definitely only one form. Didn’t that magazine indicate it had two?

I’m wondering if it was Geiz’s sheer stubbornness that he didn’t fall over.

Shut up, Shiro Woz. Sentimentality is gonna save the bloody world.

Also, stop trying to destroy Geiz’s feelings, he worked hard for those.

And... Then he just walks away w/ his hand in the air like he’s got a french cigarette. ... It’s gotta be the beret.

Hiromu is concerned, but can’t do much.

Well, yes, I think Geiz Revive is going to help change history but not in the way Shiro Woz intends it to.

Tsukuyomi’s outfit was again adorable and I wish I’d seen more of it.

Some still tell me Sougo at least looked for Geiz a little. I get having to take Mondo Sr. to a hospital or something, and having to get home, but... Like, dude, Geiz did not look well.

I mean, he goes ‘well’ like he’s about to say something like that. He does look extra down, even though things technically went well-ish. I mean, Hiromu was able to learn what he wanted.

I’m now vaguely concerned Kuro Woz did something upstairs. I get that it’s dramatic, I just... How did he get up there? Did he teleport? Climb through a window w/ his scarf?

... *smallest violin*

He’s offering to feed Kuro Woz. Does Kuro Woz eat? I don’t believe we’ve seen Kuro Woz eat? Someone get this boy some takoyaki.

Wait. So... Does this mean that the power up is broken? Is that why he’s asking Junichiro to fix it? So... Is Junichiro going to fix it, or is... I don’t know, Sougo’s... I don’t know, desire to stop his mirror self and help his friends?

... *is a sucker for characters gaining power through their desire to protect the ones they care about*

I mean, the Zi-Ot3 appear to be back together next ep, so... And if Sougo gets stuck in a mirror world, then Geiz and Tsukuyomi will be on their own again Another Ryuuga... Well, and Shiro Woz, I guess, but no one likes him.

Hrrrrrrrgh. I just want my kids to be safe and happy and love each other, okay. Also I can’t wait until the sixth.

Anyway, that’s all. Digital croissants for anyone who read all that.

Point is, I love the Zi-Ot3, I’m kind of fond of Kuro Woz in a ‘if you got a redemption arc and joined the squad I would be glad’ way. Shiro Woz still needs to gtfo and keep his maybe-hazy foreshadowing implications away from my precious tsundere.

That’s it for now.