#Taylor albums are never late nor are they early they come out exactly when they need to no matter how long that wait is

[this-love-is-delicate]

Like Rep is my fave album and I'm excited for eventually having RepTV but like it'll happen when it happens. Also we literally just got an album a month ago. I just wish people would chill and just let Taylor do her thing until she decides it's ready. Until then, it's chill.

kinda want rep tv so the fandom can shut up and stop relating everything she does and says and wears and eats and walks and talks an easter egg for it

[harryskalechips]

Illicit affairs

A/N Hellooooo! I haven’t written in a while but enjoy this little sad piece inspired by Taylor Swift! Thank you for all the love! I hope you guys are doing well! Feel free to leave a kind message in my inbox ❤️

Y/N was a new intern at Colombia records when she met Harry Styles. Their relationship takes a turn however, when they start an affair.

Tw: Cheating

Thank you @harrysleftchelseaboot for letting me participate in your writing challenge! For any writers out there who want to give it a go make sure to check it out! I would love to read some new work. 

Prompts:

“Be a good girl and spread your legs for me.”

“I’d punch you, but that would ruin that pretty little face of yours.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Leave.”

Note: I do not condone cheating whatsoever! Please mind that this story is fictional! As much as it makes me sad to paint Harry as a cheater, it’s part of this storyline I thought of as I listened to Taylor’s album, Folklore.

Word count: 5k / Masterlist

Y/N never knew she was going to be in this type of predicament. Falling asleep every night in a man’s arms, only to wake up alone in her cold sheets at dawn. For some odd reason, his vanilla scent smothered her atmosphere every time, leaving her in a subspace-like condition. She found her thoughts easily shifting to him or feeling the need to touch him. She’s whipped but sadly also clingy. 

Does she have an excuse to feel this way? She was only 21 when she began working as an intern at this man’s record label. He was her first serious relationship and although he was married -there always seemed to be a weird tension between them.

It all started when she was assigned to follow Rob Stringer through his meetings in 2017...nonetheless she met Mr. Harry Styles. One of the members of the biggest boy band, One Direction. She knew exactly who he was, especially since he was sexualized by the media too often at an early stage of his career. She knew his first solo album was a hit and that in her job description, she had to be present at every interview he had. She also knew that the ring on his finger was a symbol of love for his wife that he married a year ago. 

Months on end, she barely spoke to him. She was shy -feeling as if her personality would bore Mr.Styles. One night however as the team went out to celebrate his last show for live on tour, he himself invited her. 

They were at a club in New York -A very private one to be exact when Harry found himself too interested in the quiet intern. To be honest, his life at home (when he was there) wasn’t what he planned for. His wife was too busy, only fighting him whenever he stepped foot inside. She barely had any more interests in his music or his life -and suddenly, it felt like two strangers living in that mansion. It wasn’t an excuse for him to keep glancing at the girl as she danced with her co-workers nor was it an excuse for him to buy her a drink. Funny enough, he always thought of himself as a hopeless romantic since he was waiting for that particular someone to love him back once again and save his marriage. But before he could stop himself, he was already walking towards the girls dancing on the floor and getting to know them.

After that night at the club, Y/N felt different towards Mr. Styles. Of course, she was still intimidated but she now knew him on a more personal level, leading her to call him Harry instead. That night as they sat in one the booth upstairs, she listened to his jokes and stories and it made her start to have a little crush on him. But hey, he was married and she would never want to ruin a relationship. 

As her days became busier at Columbia -sorting papers and running for Coffee, She always glanced at the elevator hoping Harry Styles would come out and was in need of a conversation with Rob in person. She knew he probably called her boss though the phone but her brain was rummaging for ideas why he would start appearing in her life once again. That was until one day she heard Gina and Louise in the staff room during break talking about Harry coming in tomorrow. Boy, did her heart began to beat fast. Maybe, it was manifestation but she was a bit too excited to see him again as it’s been a couple of months since she last saw him. 

~

“Y/N,” Rob calls out for her as he plays with a pen in his hand. “Meet me in the main conference room in five minutes. I need you to note down my meeting today.” He gives her a small smile and quickly walks off. She knew full well that this meeting was about Harry Styles. 

As she sat beside Rob at the long table, she realized that the whole table was filled with people from publicity and other departments. Right in front of her was the man she’s been thinking of, beside him was his manager. It’s not like she was deeply infatuated with him but she did love thinking about his pretty eyes. 

Matter of fact, as she first glanced at him, her eyes already met his. He was smiling and staying quiet as the meeting immediately began but his fingers played with his pen as he watched her. She was too focused on the shittier details of what they were discussing. He wanted to tell her so badly that she didn’t need to write some things down but he was having fun watching her bite her lip in stress. He wasn’t smooth though. Since she was already feeling his gaze burning through her. 

As the meeting went on, Harry became a bit more serious about why he came into the office. They were in the talks of his new second album and now, they had to plan publicity and tour. Some of the staff even asked how his trip to Japan was and although he was so excited to share his fantastic experiences, it was sad to mention how his wife didn’t even bother coming along. 

“Are you not going to say hi to me?” Harry teases Y/N as they’re the last ones to leave the conference room after their long meeting. She had to clean up the table while he chose to sit in his chair, pretending to do important things on his phone. When he waved bye to everyone as they left the room, he pointed at his phone, explaining he needed a few minutes to send “important emails” -he just wanted to catch up with his new friend, Y/N.

“Hi.” She tries her best to act normal and unaffected by his presence. “Sorry, I couldn’t say hi earlier. When Rob said five minutes, I didn’t know the meeting was already taking place.” Harry laughs at her apology since he wasn’t petty at all for her lack of greeting today. 

“I was just teasing. How are you?”

“I’ve been good.” She smiles back at him as she tosses the last remainder of paper cups in the bin. “I think the last time I saw you was last year. Where have you been?”

“Why did you miss me?” He raises his brow as he spins his chair a bit. He gives her a smirk as he watches her lean herself on the table. 

“Just a bit. I loved watching your interviews.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms against her chest. “At first I wanted to sleep through them but now I rather go through those back and forth instead of, filling random sheets out for Rob.”

“Heyy, I think I’m pretty interesting during interviews.”

“Oh no! Don’t get me wrong you are! It’s just you have such a raspy voice and you talk so slow! You can literally put me to bed anytime.”

“Am I talking slowly right now?”

“Just a bit. I haven’t seen you in a while. I kind of forgot!” She laughs. “ What else did you do other than Japan? Spent some time with your wife?” Y/N wasn’t going to lie… bringing up his wife kind of made her uncomfortable but she knew this was a good way to get to know him in a friendly way. 

Harry couldn’t help but give out a humourless scoff as he rests his head back on the chair. His eyes, however, meet her’s again. She couldn’t help but watch his adam’s apple bob up and down. 

“Marriage is hard you know. If I’m being honest with you, I haven’t spoken to her in a week. She’s been on vacation, travelling in Europe I think with her best friends.”

“She’s a model, right? She must have a lot of free time. I’m sure she can make space for you.” Harry slaps his knee in sarcastic humour as he shakes his head at Y/N’s innocent idea of who his wife truly is now. “I’m sorry. I guess it’s more complex than I thought. I haven’t really been in a relationship at least a long term one.”

“Are you free tonight?” Harry asks her out of the blue.

“Yes.” 

“Can I come over? We don’t need to do anything but I would love to hang out with you and I don’t know... forget I have all these responsibilities.”

“Sure.” What Y/N didn’t know that this night would forever change her relationship with Harry.

~

It was late in the night as Harry sat on Y/N’s couch talking to her about everything. His life, his career, his marriage. Usually, it wasn’t easy for him to open up so quickly to a stranger but for some odd feeling, his gut was telling him that he could trust this pretty girl beside him. It’s like he knew she was trustworthy and non-judgemental. 

Ever since he first noticed her during his meetings, he found himself involuntarily glancing at her. That was until he grew some balls and invited her to his after-party. Maybe, He did find her pretty and a bit too hot but even if his marriage is going through the rocks, he did not want to cheat. He didn’t want to be that type of guy. Yet during his time in Japan, he found himself thinking of what would happen if he was single right now? Would he actually make a move on her?

“What are you thinking of?” The same woman calls him out as she takes a swing of the wine bottle into her mouth. 

Yes, the found themselves enjoying Harry’s expensive red wine so now they’re passing the bottle. 

“You.” He was a bit tipsy and so was she but they were still sober enough to choose their words properly. 

“Me? Why me? Why not that hot model you call your wife.”

“She left my mind before I even met you.”

“Yet you’re still with her. Why?”

“I don’t know.” He looks at her as he takes a sip of wine. 

“Okay, so why are you thinking of me? Are you happy you have a new friend?” Her cheeks were very red at his confession but she was trying to make herself believe it was because of the alcohol. 

“I’m happy that I finally got to know the girl who sat quietly in the corner during my interviews.” He smirks at her as he watches her try to hide a smile. 

“I was intimidated by you!” 

“Why was that, love?” Y/N was not expecting him to call her that. She places the almost empty wine bottle on her coffee table and sits back in her same position as she’s wrapped in the same blanket Harry is.  

“You’re Harry Styles. Every woman is head over heels for you and Every man wants to be you.”

“Are you head over heels for me?” Harry squints his eyes as he says the first thing that comes out of his mouth. It wasn’t his intention to flirt with her but they both knew they had overpowering chemistry. The only thing holding them back is well… Harry’s marriage. 

“No.” She bluffs. He continues to look at her. “Fine, a bit but you’re married so I know how to control myself.” 

“What happens If I can’t?” his tone drops as he mumbles to himself. “I’m sorry what?” Y/N chokes as she looks at him. 

“I know I’m married fuck.” He sits up and rubs his face in frustration. “It’s just I never wanted a girl so bad after my marriage. I shouldn’t! I should be happily married but for some shit reason, I can’t get my mind off of you.”

“Harry, there’s consequences about what we’re talking about right now.” Y/N sits up as well as she watches him. Does it still count as cheating if his wife is barely in his life anymore? 

“I know. I’m sorry. I know you aren’t that type of girl. I would never disrespect you like this. I should leave.” He begins to stand up immediately. Y/N says nothing as she follows him to the front door of her apartment. 

“Thank you for coming, Harry.” She opens the door to let him out. He simply nods as he walks past her through the door. As she watches him walk down her hallway, she closes the door. How was she feeling? Well, she was trying her best to not feel regret but instead relief. She leans her body on the wooden surface, trying to make herself feel happy that nothing happened between them -Yet her heart was beating too fast for a guy she had just met.

The loud pounding on her door, however, makes her head shut up. She immediately opens it to find no one other than the curly-haired man who had just left her apartment a minute ago.

He immediately grasps her face into his hands as he kisses her eagerly, making her shut the door behind him. His body quickly pushing her’s against the wall, as his lips attack her jaw down to her neck. Her hands resting on his shoulders as she leans her head back to give him more area to leave his soft licks and kisses. 

“Shit Y/N. You’re making me go crazy.” 

“Harry.” She moans as he rubs himself against her centre. He whispers a command to her, making her jump and wrap her legs around his waist and he carries her to the first surface in his line of sight, which is her dining table. It was a dark wood wooden table that was meant only for eating purposes.

He helps her take off the sweater she was wearing as she throws it behind it her without a care. With her hand, she guides his mouth back to hers, making them both moan as this sexual tension is finally being relieved. Her nipples became hard in an instant as they felt the cold temperature. 

“Where’s your bedroom?” He pulls away as he’s unbuttoning his shirt. His mouth was open a little bit from their heated makeout and his lips were juicy pink after kissing her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

“You want to fuck me right here?” Y/N blurts. She wasn’t the type to have sex with a new partner for the first time on her dining table but her room was a mess and she was a bit shy letting him in there. 

“Are you that eager baby?” A smirk plays on his lips as he tosses his shirt. “Well If you’re that needy, why won’t you take off my pants?” Y/N’s cheeks turn red as she reaches forward to unbuckle his jeans. “You know, how fucking long I’ve been jerking off with my right hand?” Harry asks as his hand runs through her soft hair, letting his thumb rub against her pink plump lips. 

“For a long time, Daddy?” She murmurs against the pad of his thumb as she lets his thumb enter her wet mouth. 

“Look at you, you’re a little devil.” Harry pushes his pants off until they reach mid-thigh. He quickly helps her out of her tights, pulling them off her almost instantly that she had to hold onto him. “Should I get a condom?” He pants as his hands involuntarily run themselves against her soft thighs.

“I’m on the pill and I’m clean.”

“I’m clean too.” He looks down at her closed legs as he pumps himself a bit. “I promise.” Y/N nods as her hands guide his body back closer towards her.

 “Be a good girl and spread your legs for me.” He whispers as he watches her show him her wet needy sex. “Fuck, you look so good right now.” He leans in to kiss her more. His mouth going south as they reach her breast. His mouth sucks on her nipple as the other grabs and rolls her the other one.

“Fuck stop teasing me. I need you.”

“Beg for me, Y/N. I know you want to.”

“Harry please!” She feels his hand directing his wet cock to her centre. Teasing her and playfully slapping her entrance. “Daddy!” His eyes immediately stop looking down as he grabs her hair, making her look at him. 

“You okay with this love? Do you like it rough?” Y/N nods her head as she stares into his eyes. 

“I need you to use your words, baby.”

“Yes, I want it rough.” 

“What did you call me earlier?” A cheeky smile forms on his face as he watches this little girl about to crumble in his hand. 

“Daddy.”

“You’re going to keep calling me that or what?”

“Only if you want me-” Harry inserts himself in her, making her choke on her sentence. 

“What do you call me?” He leans a bit further downs so their bodies rub against each other as his arm supports her back while the other hand chokes her neck. 

“Daddy! Fuck, I call you daddy!” 

“I know I’ve been deprived of some good sex but you feel so fucking tight! Do guys not know how to fuck you?”

“Only you can.” Harry pulls his hand away from her neck and instead grasps her face so she can watch their centres connecting. 

“You like that view? Is it turning you on? You’re fucking clenching me, baby!”

“Harder, daddy.” Her arm wraps around his shoulder as he pulls away and turns around, making her bend on the table.

“You want it harder baby? I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’ll never be able to sit at this table without remembering how I fucked you so good.”

~ The day after their first time sleeping with each other scared Y/N. As much as she tried to avoid letting Harry see her messy room, they ended up in there anyway. They participated in a couple more rounds and a deep conversation too until they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. 

What Y/N was scared of was how Harry would react when he woke up in her sheets. Of course, they weren’t too drunk last night but the alcohol did give them a confidence boost. Now it’s the day time and they have to deal with this new boundary they had just crossed. 

“Good morning.” A raspy voice speaks up as she sets her head on her hand. Her elbow putting all its pressure on her pillow while she watches the man who’s laying on his stomach smile at her.

“Hi.” She gives a soft smile back. Harry immediately notices the hickeys on her neck, making him not guilty but a bit more proud.

“I marked you.” Y/N’s eyes widen as she sits up and wraps her hands around her neck. “Why you don’t like them?” Harry fixes his position too so he can rest his back against the headrest. He rubs his eyes for a few seconds before helping her straddle his waist. “What’s wrong, Baby?”

“You’re married.” Her finger mindlessly traces one of the sparrows on his chest. 

“I know.”

“You think she’ll get mad?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think she cares.”

~ Y/N and Harry’s affair went on for months that they even reached his tour and new album reveal. Although they never said the three most important words, Y/N already knew it was there.

What she loved the most these past months with Harry was their privacy.  The secret hookups in changing rooms, the knowing glances in a room full of strangers, and their affectionate touches when they had to pass things to one another in front of her boss. 

She knows he’s married and there was no doubt, they fought about his relationship status. But Harry explained that divorces in Hollywood were more complex than for a regular couple. And while Y/N pretended to understand, she truly didn’t. She didn’t understand why he had to keep up this act of being in a happy relationship when he can simply leave his wife -not for her benefit but for his own happiness. Still, every time this fight occurred, they chose to sweep it under the rug. Maybe it was because she wasn’t ready to lose him. He had always been so persistent on his reasoning why he���s been delaying that action. She was scared that he would leave her during another fight only to run back to his wife. What she didn’t know was that she may be a bit too right, after all, he wasn’t ready to admit that his marriage was over. 

“Hi, Baby!” Y/N opens her door to find her “boyfriend” with a bouquet of flowers. 

“Hi!” She wraps her arms around him in a hug as she lets him enter her apartment that they know too well. If she had to be truly honest... despite having so much alone time with Harry, she’s never been on a date with him but you know -that’s something she had to let go when she decided to get involved with a famous married man. Yet it still didn’t stop her heart from feeling envious when she would be in the restaurant with her friends watching a random couple have dinner together.

Harry takes his hood off and hands her the flowers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t text you this past couple of days. You know that woman who lives with me.” He sighs and gives her a kiss on the lips before continuing on, “We were having lunch together and she noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring anymore so we fought.”

“So you’re wearing it.” Y/N places the flowers on the table and crosses her arms.

“I have too.”

“No, you don’t Harry. She’s only wearing her’s for show. You’ve been cheating on her for seven months!” Y/N snaps at him. She hated it when he wore his ring. It was just a real sign that maybe he was lying to her during the times, he said he was over their marriage and he was going to leave her when things become less complicated.

“Baby, hey stop yelling.” He walks towards her so he can wrap his arms around her. “I’m sorry. You know I care so much about you. Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t stand that you’re married to another woman. Please leave her Harry.” Y/N pulls away as she holds onto his shoulders, begging him. “Please.”

“I’ll try.” He breathes out.

“You’ll try?” She pulls away immediately looking at him. “What do you mean? Have you not been trying to do that these past few months!” He rubs his face in frustration. 

“It’s hard Y/N. I told you countless times.” “I know it’s hard but what’s stopping you from doing it! You told me that you don’t want to lose me but for some odd reason, it seems like you don’t want to lose her!”

“She was my first love Goddammit!” He finally yells back at her. 

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and stolen stares

They show their truth one single time

But they lie and they lie and they lie

A million little times

 They both found themselves caught off guard as the silence screamed in their ears. How could this safe space where they spent their nights rolling in the sheets feel so… indifferent? “Harry please be 100 percent honest with me.” Y/N backs away slowly as she reaches a few feet apart from Harry. “Do you want to leave her?” 

Silence.

“You told me you did? Did you change your mind?” Her eyes widen as she watches the man in front of her absolutely speechless. “I’d punch you, but that would ruin that pretty little face of yours.” She lets out a sarcastic laugh. 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”  He stares at the ground with his hands in his jeans. “Of course, I want to leave her! It’s just-”

“Leave.”

“What Baby no!” He quickly looks up and tries to make his way towards her. 

“Harry, stop. What we have is over! I’m not going to let you use me until your stupid sick marriage fixes itself!”

“Y/N that wasn’t my intention I swear! You know what marriage means to me! I can’t simply-”

“Fuck what you think of marriage! You don’t want to leave her but you rather continuously hide me while you go to awards with her -While you go on fucking dates with her!”

“It’s for publicity-”

“I don’t care!” She screams. “I realized that this isn’t working out and we should stop!” The pressure in her chest was making her hyperventilate. “We should have stopped months ago!”

“Fuck I don’t want to lose you, please. You’re the only thing that’s been making me so happy.” He reaches out to take her hands but she simply pulls away.

“Harry! Listen to yourself! You’re married! I’m starting to think you have a fear of having a failed marriage like your mom and dad! But please for the love of God, don’t drag me around because I won’t let you!” Harry’s faces change into anger as he gives her a cold look.

 “Well don’t drag my parents’ marriage into this! I told you that because I trusted you not so you can use it against me!”

“That’s not what I was trying to do!” Y/N pleads. “You won’t lever her Harry! You won’t!” 

“How do you think people will react!” He gestures with his hands. “ After three years of marriage, Harry Styles is getting divorced!” He mimics a random news reporter.

“So-” “I’m not going to let myself be categorized under Hollywood’s failed marriages!” “It was already failing before you met me! Can’t you see I just want you to be happy!”

“I am happy when you’re with me!”

“Well, I’m not!”

“You don’t mean that.” Harry scoffs as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration. 

“How can I not? I’m hearing stories every day about your fights at home. This isn’t even a relationship Harry! It’s an affair! An illicit one! And I-I’m a secret!”

“I don’t want to share you with the public! They will judge us and they’re going to ruin you as they ruined me!” He rambles on. “I’ve been stalked and judged for things I didn’t know matter!” 

“I would rather go through that with you -than to watch you from far away and only have you with me when we’re here inside this apartment.” She points at the floor. 

“I can’t Y/N. I can’t let that happen and I won’t.”

“Then this is over then.” She quickly wipes her tears as she notices Harry doing the same. The yelling seemed to die down as they finally realized that this problem they tried to ignore wasn’t going anywhere.

“You know… for some reason, you taught me a lot of things.” Harry clears his throat as he wipes his wet palms on his pants. “Despite only letting you have one half of me. You somehow took over my whole mind. God, I would love to fight for you Y/N.” He looks at her as he feels tears forming in his again. “I do - I truly would.” A pause happens before he continues, “ For you, I ‘d ruin myself a million times but I would never let you do the same.” He emphasizes to her. “ I don’t want to let you go but I know I should because even if I go get that divorce, I’d still want to keep you as my secret -and that’s not what you want.” 

“I-” Y/N stops herself. She wanted to tell him that she loves him but she knew it wouldn’t help them at all. “I’ll still see you for a while. After my internship though, I’ll be gone.”

“Do you think we’ll stay in touch.”

“I don’t think we should.” She blurts it out as her eyes glance at the fresh bouquet sitting on her table. 

“Alright. I guess that’s it.” Harry sniffles a bit before walking to the door. “I’ll see you.”

“Goodbye.”

And Y/N thought she wouldn’t have to see him again after her internship. Although her heart was broken, she found herself counting the days until she can find a new job. After their unexpected ending, she no longer found herself lonely in the mornings but during the nights too. 

The days he came by the office were more difficult than she thought. She would still feel his gaze on her during their meetings but he no longer greeted her nor gave her any attention. He would walk right past her desk when he visited the office but he would act as if he never knew her in the first place - Not a glance or a wave. 

And that was fine with Y/N, at least she tried her best to think it was. Until her meeting with Rob a week before Harry’s album release. 

~

“Y/N, I would love to offer you a job here at the company. I  will give you a position in Marketing for Harry Styles.” Rob hands her a manila folder across the table. “ You know a few months ago, he spoke about your hard work and how much potential you have and he’s right. This would look great on your resume and the pay will be better here than if you were to start off at another company.” 

Days of thinking and non-stop anxiety flooded Y/N’s mind. She knew her plan was to cut all ties with the pop star but the career that had just been handed to her had so much potential. Potentiality can help her with her student loans and give her a more comfortable life. She would be stupid if she passed the offer because of him. So with no more hesitation, she took her phone and called Rob.

“I’ll take the job offer.”

Part two here!!

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[reincarnated70sbaby]

star crossed

-chapter four-

*disclaimer: this work is entirely fiction, all scenes with real life people presented in this work are entirely fictitious.*

word count : 2.4k

warnings : angst! (af!) swearing ?  charlie watts being unbothered as ever, did i mention angst?

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After a couple drinks in, the conversation of recording a track started up. Jimmy was actually quite excited, a Rolling Stones and Jimmy Page track was bound to happen sometime. Sure, Jimmy had played with them in his session days, but not anything to the extent of actually being featured and credited for the track. They decided to come back tomorrow to Bill’s home studio to record a track that might feature on the upcoming Goats Head Soup album. Two nights previous, he finished up the English leg of the 72/73 tour. In a couple weeks, Led Zeppelin would be embarking on their biggest tour yet - the 73 North American tour. There was plans to record a concert film and album, and Jimmy was really hopeful everything would work out.

“Lads I’m about to fucking pass out here, I’m out, see you all tomorrow yeah?”

“All right Jim, see y’a tomorrow, not to early mate right?”

After agreeing to come in the early afternoon with Bill , he bid goodnight to the rest of crew there, Charlie and the pianist for the album, Nicky. Sure, they weren’t as wild as the Toxic Twins, but they were still good company - better than getting drunk in his hotel room alone.

Walking back to his hotel room, the walk felt much longer than 10 minutes. Even though it was the beginning of February, and therefore the start of spring, he had to wrap his arms around himself to preserve body heat.

Reaching the hotel lobby, he was met with the warm air of the large room. Red carpets and gold accents adorned the room. It was quite late in the night - or early in the morning, so he decided to skip going to the bar in hopes of picking up a partner and instead, head straight to his room. On his way into the elevator, he passed two women, both wearing sunglasses. He thought that peculiar, and even more peculiar, he thought he recognised the woman with short brunette hair. After attempting to place the woman, he concluded he was in no state of mind to try.

Laying down on his bed, his thoughts wondered to Alice. He hadn’t heard anything about her since they were last together. He wasn’t even sure if she was still in the music business. He wondered would he ever see her again. He hoped he would, but a feeling in his gut told him it would happen eventually. Sooner, or later, he thought.

Waking up slightly hungover, he showered and prepared for the day of recording ahead. It wasn’t to be a serious session, more of a jam of sorts and hopefully produce a track in the process.

Strolling casually into Bill’s recording studio, he noticed that, as per usual, everybody was there expect Mick. On second look he noticed that Mick Taylor was not there either.

“Where are the Mick’s?”

“I think Jagger is just late, but oh, theres Taylor there now!”

Just as Keith finished speaking, Mick Taylor walked in, guitar case in hand. This would be the first time Jimmy and Mick played together, and he hoped they would get on well.

“Jimmy, great to see you again, ready to play?”

“Nice to see you too, lets get down to it shall we boys?”

Mick Jagger had finally arrived, so he and Keith were working on lyrics, while Charlie and Bill were working on rhythms and riffs, leaving Jimmy and Mick Taylor to work out the main guitar melody. They worked really well together, as they both had the same blues origins and both loved incorporating it into new material.

“So who's the sound tech here anyway” Jimmy asked, while in the process of tuning his guitar down.

“Allie, she's been with us for the album, she's great, have you met her before?”

“Hmm, the name doesn't sound familiar I don't think”

“Well she had an appointment, so she’ll probably be here within the next hour” Mick commented, a shy smile coming onto his face when mentioning her.

After around half an hour of messing around, the boys were finally ready to start the recording tapes. All that stopped then was the missing sound tech.

“Good afternoon boys, I, being your guardian angel have brought lunch for all of us” Alice said cheerily, bursting through the door with a bright smile.

Jimmy’s head shot up at the sound of her voice, suddenly connecting all the dots. The feeling in his gut about meeting her, the woman in the hotel, and the ‘Allie’ nickname.

“Oh thank you Alice, forgot to mention we invited a special guest to join our entourage, last night at Bill’s after you and Taylor left” spoke Mick Jagger with his usual eloquence.

“Alice!”

“Jimmy” Alice replied curtly, a hint of sourness in her blank expression. Jimmy was now in front of Alice, greeting her.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, its been what, nearly four years! I didn’t even know if you were still an audio tech” Jimmy said warmly, excited to see her again

“I would say it’s a pleasure to see you too, but its not, so I wont” Alice casually said, blanking him, and moving further into the room. She set the bags of fresh food on the table, in the back of the recording section of the large hall. Jimmy watched her walk away casually, totally taken off guard by her coldness. The rest of the Stones all caught this too, extremely confused, but a little entertained by their encounter.

“Wait, you guys know each other?” Keith asked, a small smirk on his lips, pointing between the two.

“I would say used to know, I was on of the engineers on Zeppelin II in 69”

“Hold on, I didn’t know you worked Zeppelin II? That means you must have been a teenager when you worked on it. Blimey” Mick, asked, all of this coming news to him, as well to the others. 

“I suppose you wouldn’t, after all I wasn’t even credited, nor my boss Tom” Alice said coolly, still not turning away from setting up the various soups and sandwiches. 

Obviously, the teenage Alice that Jimmy once knew was long gone. 

“God, Allie you look so old, what are you now? Twenty four, twenty five” Jimmy asked, sampling the new nickname, trying to break the stifling awkwardness that now infected the room.

“Still getting my age wrong I see, Jimmy. Im surprised you still know my name, after all the stunts you pulled over the last four years” Alice replied, walking directly towards Jimmy, accompanied with razor sharp glare. She now stood directly on front of him, slightly invading his personal space. She has grown taller and her face matured, loosing the slight roundness to her cheeks she once possessed. She apparently had cut off her long wavy crimson locks, in favour of a modern, dark brown bob.

“Uh, what’re you talking about?” Jimmy asked chuckling nervously as he scratched his head, hoping she wouldn’t notice his feigned innocence.

“Oh I’m sure you know, as does everyone else in this room. I don't really have the energy to continue this irrelevant conversation, or frankly, any conversation in general with you at this point. Also, it’s Alice to you” Alice stated sternly with a finger pointed to his chest. Jimmy could practically see the ice swirling in her cool blue eyes, the eyes he had come to miss over the years. He had never had encountered her true, red headed temperament. Now that he was on the receiving end, he desperately wanted to stay away from it.

“I’m not really hungry anyway, so I’ll be in the mod room if you guys need me” Alice said, directing her words to everyone but Jimmy, before leaving and entering the conjoining mod room. Mick Taylor quickly set his down his burnt orange Les Paul, then followed Alice out of the room.

“Woah, I haven’t seen drama like this since the last time Mick and Bowie had an arguement - which was last week, I think hmm” Keith remarked with a sarcastic finger on his chin, before moving to serve himself some soup.

“Actually Keef, I think this charade is a lot more entertaining than David’s and I’s little tiffs, as this is bit more of a lovers quarrel”

“Better not let Taylor hear that, or he’ll have to have a word with you Pagey” Bill commented, wide grin now on his face.

Jimmy was now the confused one. He turned to Charlie, silently asking him about Alice and Mick with the point of his finger. Charlie simply shrugged his shrugged his shoulders in response before going back to drumming a riff with the hi-hats and snare drums.

After everybody had ate or, cooled off, recording was finally underway. After a couple of takes, Alice interrupted to give some pointers.

“Look boys, I’m gonna be candid with you all. It sounds shit” Alice said into the mic. Ever since she had gotten more experience under belt, she became renowned for her no bullshit opinions. In turn, people valued her honestly and knew what she said was, more often than not, right.

“Yeah, boys let’s not sugarcoat it, we’re not exactly gelling as one” Keith commented, starting to become fed up with having to balance not only Mick Jaggers usual dramatics, but another egotistical lead guitarist in the mix.

“Okay, what do you think love?” Mick Taylor asked softly, trying to keep the peace before something erupted. He wasn’t wrong, the Stones, along with a quarter of Led Zeppelin, and a hot headed tech was a bit of a lethal cocktail. Fights often combusted quickly between the Stones and Alice, as all members were just as stubborn as each other.

“Well it sounds like there’s 5 Stones, and 25% Led Zeppelin playing. What I want, and what fans want to hear is The Stones featuring Jimmy Page. You five need to change your usual routine of recording for once and mix it up. And you” she looked to Jimmy “need to stop pretending you’re with the other boys. You both need to work with each others strengths and quit overcompensating. Stop pretending you’re something you’re not”

Everybody in the entire house probably could pick up that the last sentence was a direct jab to Jimmy. Another awkward silence passed, ultimately stemming from a staring contest between Alice and the famed guitarist.

“Oh my fucking god, kill me now” Mick muttered, pinching his nose, while Charlie just rolled his eyes and started drumming the start of the song. Eventually Keith started the riff with Mick Taylor,along with Bill and Charlie carrying the bass and percussion, and Mick Jagger singing the lyrics. Only when they reached the solo part, did Jimmy break eye contact with Alice and begin playing.

Finishing up recording, the boys all started to leave. Mick and Jimmy were the last to pack up their stuff, and an uncomfortable air fell over them. Obviously they both either had history, or were making history with Alice. Eventually Mick realised he should probably let the pair talk it out, so, as Jimmy toward the mod room door, Mick moved toward the hallway door.

“Alice, can we talk? Obviously things have become a bit strained between us, and I don’t want it to stay like this” Jimmy started softly. It was probably his choice of words that set Alice off, as immediately after his finished she whipped around from the sound board and kicked off.

“ 'Strained' Jimmy, are you serious?! Strained?! First of all, you didn’t even tell me you weren’t mixing the album with us, and then you just left after our night together. Then- don’t try to interrupt me James. Then, you barely even credit Tom for his songwriting tips on the album. You didn’t even mention me once, even whenever anyone brings up that Theremin part in ‘Whole Lotta Love’! You blush and go on to explain how it was your own fantastic brain that thought of it. The you had the audacity to diss Mystic studios in the papers! What was it you said again? Oh yeah, 'Mystic Studios was far from mystical and closer to meagre, and as a result, the workers were too.” Alice snarled, stream practically blowing out her ears.

“Okay, I agree that comment about Mystics’s capabilities was definitely wrong, I was extremely out of it in that interview- hell I even jibed Atlantic Records!” Jimmy was now getting frustrated too. Normally, no one put him in his place, or gave out to him.

“And then how cold you were about Tom!”

“Wait what happened with Tom?” Jimmy inquired, now serious.

“Oh my fucking god Jimmy” Alice shouted at him “you don’t even remember to you?” She said with a laugh. She searched his face, but all she saw was confusion in his light grey eyes.

“Tom had a fucking stroke last year. Peter told you, and don’t you dare deny it, as he told me he informed you all when I spoke to him on the phone. For Christ’s sake even Bonzo rang to see how he was doing! He didn’t even have my number, but he found it anyway! Robert and John joined the call after he finished speaking. When I asked for you, they said you were in a closet fucking a groupie!”

“Look Alice, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to sa-”

“I’m not surprised Jimmy, it’s a marvel you can play guitar at all, with having no fucking sense in your thick head”

“Stop being so fucking rude to me, you’re not perfect either! Don’t act so high and mighty! I know what went on in Geffen records! I’m mates with David Geffen” Jimmy was no shouting too. At the mention of David Geffen, Alice’s face immediately switched from red to a pale white.

“You do not know what happened between myself and David, if you did, you wouldn’t speak to him ever again” Alice spoke low and slowly, her face now white as a sheet.

Unbeknownst to the pair, all of the Stones were listening outside. When they heard Jimmy shouting about Geffen, Mick Taylor had enough and burst in. The rest of the boys tried to stop him, but he broke free.

“Jimmy, stop it. You don’t know anything about the Geffen incident. You don’t know Alice anymore. I suggest you leave her alone before I step in more. Al, let’s go, our driver is outside.” Mick stretched his hand out to Alice, her eyes now watery, trying to bite down her quivering lip.

Alice immediately joined Mick, and left without a second look to Jimmy.

Jimmy, now alone in the mod room, felt his gut twist with guilt. Had something bad happened with David Geffen and Alice? His mind wondered to Mick’s choice of words -‘incident’. He had heard rumours that were more damaging on David’s behalf, but being friendly with him, he thought he knew him better than all the tabloids and industry gossip.

Jimmy realised that both he and Alice had changed drastically in the last four years, how could he have expected everything to go back to how it was in the summer of ‘69? Now, they were even more distant than ever before.

Maybe they had missed their chance at eternity. Maybe the stars had uncrossed.

His heart nearly broke at the revelation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok so chapter four !!!

I wanna write angst more often it’s my guilty pleasure

anyway, I think this is my favourite piece I’ve written 😌

navigation

star crossed masterlist

tag list : @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @princesspagey @dreamersdrowse

[scarlet-it-was]

folklore for evermore: the ruby x christina edition

combining two of my favorite things: taylor swift and fandom. here are the lyrics and headcanons that are giving me life from the summer/autumn sister albums; reylo & msr editions to follow

cardigan

you drew scars around my stars

but now i’m bleeding

but i knew you

stepping on the last train

marked me like a bloodstain

i knew you

tried to change the ending

peter losing wendy

...you put me on and said I was your favorite

I’d be remiss not to include this as the first in the list considering I’m writing a fic and using specific lyrics as the fic name and chapter titles. If you’re interested, you can find it here: You Drew Stars Around My Scars

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

When I think of the...distinctly disappointing end of the series, these last lines come to mind. Even though I don’t really believe that Christina killed Ruby—but if she had, she definitely turned into her worst fears, which was ultimately being as much of a failure as her father.

this is me trying

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

Headcanon: Christina has been resurrected in some fashion, perhaps by the Mark of Cain, or a secondary magic trap she set just in case things went to hell. This finds her regretting her choices, contemplating her next steps, if she even wants to take them, but ultimately, ends up finding Ruby.

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey

Headcanon (cont): Ruby proved time and time again in the show that she knows exactly how to cut right to the center of a person with her words, and I’m sure over the years, she’s said some regrettable things to her sister (not that they were undeserved). Ruby also put in the effort to take the classes and make herself as an attractive candidate as possible for her ‘dream job’ and when she finally is ready—she finds a thin, light-skinned Tamara has been hired. And the rest of the story in the little bar scene—she and William didn’t stay strangers for long.

mad woman

And there's nothing like a mad woman

What a shame she went mad

No one likes a mad woman

You made her like that

And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out

And you find something to wrap your ***** around

And there's nothing like a mad woman

Really applicable to both parties who were both oppressed by patriarchy (both) and whiteness (Ruby). I censored one of the words because I’m not comfortable using that word in reference to a POC, but the Swifties know what it is. Anyway, you end up with two women who are willing to ‘go the distance’ so to speak to get what they want and not be interrupted because of the bodies and skin they were born in.

peace

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm

If your cascade, ocean wave blues come

All these people think love's for show

But I would die for you in secret

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Headcanon: In spite of her money and magic, there’s a certain amount of peace that she’ll never be able to give Ruby in part because she can’t (and doesn’t want, nor does Ruby want) for her to take away her blackness. The flip side is that Christina’s ambition will likely always put them in harm’s way to an extent. But at the end of the day, in spite of Leti’s accusations that Ruby is being used, Christina is the only one who is up front with her 100% of the time regardless of how it comes out. She always comes through for Ruby.

Hoax

My best laid plan

Your sleight of hand

My barren land

I am ash from your fire

Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason"

Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in

Headcanon: a sadder and more cynical take on if Ruby had betrayed Christina in the finale (which I still don’t think she would have, but it wasn’t my show and I didn’t write that ending) which did in fact wreck her best laid plans with Ruby’s bait and switch of seducing Christina in her natural body instead of William’s—leaving Christina dead at the end of the series.

willow

Life was a willow, and it bent right to your wind

They count me out time and time again

Life was a willow, and it bent right to your wind

But I come back stronger than a '90s trend

Including this lyrics specifically because it reminds me of one of my favorite AU fics, Leave It To The Davenports – if you haven’t checked out this WIP, it is a ride you don’t want to miss.

gold rush

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

I see me padding across your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit

Headcanon: The last line specifically reminds me of Ruby snarking at Christina about being late and in return being called demanding. But also, overall, it captures the feeling of Ruby initially being distrustful of William’s affections towards her specifically when there are any number of women he could be with.

no body no crime

Headcanon: The whole damn song is my murder wives anthem.

happiness

Past the blood and bruise Past the curses and cries Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind And there is happiness

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

I guess it's the price I paid And I pulled your body into mine Every goddamn night

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

Headcanon: Misleading song title in a way. This is what I’m dealing with in chapter 3 of my fic in the wake of Christina’s death and the process of Ruby moving on and finding happiness on her own. The writers Lovecraft Country tried really hard to make Christina a hateable villain, and I suppose through the lens of straight up hating white people, they may have done that for some viewers. They failed to give her any real Big Bad qualities though outside of manipulation and apathy—which while those aren’t shining character traits for her, it doesn’t make her the best (worst?) option for being the overarching antagonist. We had villains literally chopping people up and sewing them together, but Christina was the bad guy? Nah, I think not

long story short

Fatefully

I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

Misery

Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep

And you passed right by

I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

The knife cuts both ways

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break And I fell from the pedestal

Right down the rabbit hole

Long story short, it was a bad time

Pushed from the precipice

No more keepin' score

Now I just keep you warm 

No more tug of war

Now I just know there's more 

And my waves meet your shore

Ever and evermore When I dropped my sword

I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door

And we live in peace

But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready Long story short, I survived

Headcanon: based on the idea that Christina survives, but does in fact have her magic stripped from her and is reflecting on the time period and going forward how she will protect her and Ruby’s relationship going forward by critics (like Leti) who would make Ruby choose between them.

Evermore

Hey December

Guess I'm feeling unmoored

Can't remember

What I used to fight for

I rewind thе tape but all it does is pause

On thе very moment, all was lost

Sending signals

To be double-crossed

And I was catching my breath

Barefoot in the wildest winter

Catching my death

And I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar

That this pain would be for

Evermore

And when I was shipwrecked (Can't think of all the cost)

I thought of you (All the things that will be lost now)

In the cracks of light (Can we just get a pause?)

I dreamed of you (To be certain we'll be tall again, if you think of all the costs)

It was real enough (Whether weather be the frost)

To get me through (Or the violence of the dog days) (Or the violence of the dog days)

(Out on waves, being tossed)

(I'm on waves, out being tossed)

I swear (Is there a line that we can just go cross?)

You were there

And I was catching my breath

Floors of a cabin creaking under my step

And I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar

This pain wouldn't be for

Evermore

Headcanon: Specific to You Drew Stars Around My Scars and Ruby’s grief in the early chapters and how she feels that the grief is impossible to move past when she thinks back about the months that the two of them spent getting to know each other as friends and lovers. She uses magic to connect with Christina even when she’s not there.

[delightful-mystery]

The Taylor Swift problem

In which I get to speak about both Taylor Swift AND Twilight in the same post.

2020 was the year Twilight came back. Sure, for those of us who never deleted Tumblr (guilty), it never really left – and we got to see the Renaissance creep up and take over the discourse first hand. But for the majority of the population, Twilight was a late 00s phenomenon which returned in full force in 2020 with the publication of Midnight Sun, bringing with it a reappraisal in critical thinking about the original texts which were originally panned universally by everyone but their target audience – teenage girls. 

With the release of lockdown albums folklore and evermore, as well as the re-recording and re-release of her first few studio albums (Fearless is out today you guys!!), Taylor Swift, in a way, conducted her own renaissance – not necessarily in terms of popularity but in critical appeal. 

For the purpose of this essay, I am going to divide her career into three separate and significant eras. First, the teenage girl era. This is everything pre-1989, i.e. before she went mainstream-pop. Then, there’s the pop era, which is 1989 to Lover. And then, the renaissance era, the reappraisal of her music which came with folklore, evermore, and everything else to the present day. I think these three eras follow the way I interacted with her music (she lost me somewhat during the pop era) but also follows a few significant moments of her career – most notably, critical success in the “muso” world, and the rise of streaming.

I’m going to look at the differences between these eras, specifically the ways in which her music was received and judged by music critics and the world around her, and what the reasons for those judgements may have been.

THE POWER OF FANDOM

Similar to Twilight, Taylor Swift’s music was very much aimed at teenage girls. Hell, Swift was a teenage girl when she wrote those songs, having been hired as a songwriter since the age of 15. It doesn’t take much to see how hated teenage girls are, from all walks of life – the pressure to be attractive and adhere to the male gaze is something you can be aware of since the early ages of 9,10,11, and it’s as a teenager you begin to be expected to perform femininity. This leads to insecurity, which makes the age group an easy target, which perpetuates the cycle more. 

We can see this happen with the release of Taylor Swift’s first four albums – albums which broke records, sold millions, and won over the vast majority of the population, except the more serious muso blogs, who largely dismissed her as commercial pop nonsense not worth reviewing. In massive interviews with Ellen Degeneres, she was dismissed as a boy-crazy girl, known in memes the internet over as a serial dater, and slut shamed just as often as she was belittled and patronised. She wasn’t taken seriously as a person, nor as a songwriter.

While her empire seemed to grow throughout the pop era, it was only mainstream success that she found – something superficial which was connected to the sheer numbers she managed to turn, Grammy awards for Album of the Year, but with next to no support from the smaller and more serious critics in the industry.

I kind of hate this dress ngl.

RENAISSANCE, REAPPRAISAL

But that all changed with the release of folklore and evermore. The star who had (at least) a year off of trying to fill stadiums was able to retreat inwards and create indie folk albums which were universally loved by critics and fans alike. However, it was Pitchfork who surprised me the most (and inspired this blog post). On the release day of folklore, the critical juggernauts decided to have a ‘Taylor Swift Day’, wherein all of the singer’s previous releases were given the Pitchfork treatment, treated like a serious release for the first time in their history. It may be that this is the mark of how far we’ve come as a culture in accepting what used to be classed as embarrassing and juvenile, but to me the gesture smacked as something utterly insincere, a hasty rush to right a wrong which should never have happened in the first place.

It’s not just the songwriting, the times changing, but it’s also the context in which this album was released – lockdown brought a plethora of weird emotions, but one of the biggest stars in the world retreating into her own little fantasy world instead of the lavish romances she was usually acting out was exactly what the world was craving at that time. We’re also, as a culture, less afraid to admit to what we like. This article discusses the death of the guilty pleasure in music, and it’s something which has, in part, led to more and more pop music gaining critical appraisal in recent years, something which was not always around at the beginning of Swift’s career. The slow-but-steady dismantling of internalised misogyny, alongside the rise of feminism in the mainstream has led to more solidarity between women. 

SO WHAT NOW?

But to praise her now, at the point of her career when her songwriting is more “mature” sends a message that Swift’s teenage songwriting still wasn’t worth our time at the point of release. There’s still a long way to go. But Taylor Swift suffered at the hands of the press cycle for so many years so that artists like Carly Rae Jepsen and her brilliant bubblegum pop can be taken seriously and become an indie darling of the industry. And she sings about boys all the time! The re-release of Taylor Swift’s back catalogue is, I believe, a crucial moment for the work of and for teenage girls to begin being taken more seriously in the music industry and in the world as a whole. And it’s a chance for Taylor to get the love and respect she’s always deserved.

Thank you so much for reading! Now let’s all go dance in the rain in our best dresses.

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @thebechdelbitch for more shenanigans.

from The Taylor Swift problem

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Summer horror; Roger Taylor x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey all for my fellow American followers I hope you all are having a happy and safe 4th of July. Having lots of food and watching the fireworks and spending time with your families. Now in honor of what Starz has done by giving us a full 24hr marathon of all the JAWS movies, I have been working on this little fic thinking that since Queen were working on ‘A Night at the Opera’ at the same time this movie premiered so I figured why the hell not? So warnings consist of swearing, mentions of the movie and in case any of you haven’t seen the movie then there are spoilers of JAWS in this story. Hope you all enjoy it :)

Queen/Permanent taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@coolcxt

__________________________________________________________

I don’t know how my cousin managed to convince me to watch this movie.  He had said that this was probably the most horrifying movie he had ever seen and since he and I always love to compare and talk about all things horror, he told me I needed to see this movie.

Steven Spielberg’s biggest summer hit that’s hit the box office in America, a film known as JAWS.

Since Roger and the boys were away recording their album “A Night at the Opera” I needed something to watch so I had managed to buy me a ticket to the next evening showing of the movie.  Little did I know just what I was getting myself into.

The ominous theme song of the shark potentially coming out, the gruesome detail of the killings, and of course that shocking jump scare with that head in the boat. Literally I had never heard an entire audience scream all at once than at that moment of the picture.  Of course when Brody shot the shark, the audience was in a roar of applause and I’ve never seen a theater audience act like that before.

Let’s just say that…..after seeing that movie I will never think of the beach no scratch that any large body of water that isn’t a bathtub the same way again. Because unlike movies like “The Exorcist” or “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, this is something that is based on fact.

With a degree in marine biology I knew that sharks have been known to attack people and there have been such famed attacks in America, Australia and in the bottom coast of Africa, and of course there the true story of the USS Indianapolis during WW2.  So to see a movie be made to this degree, it was just—horrifying to see.

As I went home I didn’t think I could go to sleep.  The phone rang which made me jump in my seat.

“Bloody hell.” I picked up the phone and said, “Hello?”

‘So how’d you like it?’ My cousin’s voice spoke up.

“Elliot I swear to god next time I see you, I’m going to fucking kill you!” I hissed. He laughed and I said, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself right now.”

‘Geez (n/n) and I thought a Marine biologist like yourself would love a movie like that?’

“Well…..not anymore. In fact I think I may just change my major now because of you arsehole.”

‘Hey don’t blame me. I didn’t make the movie, nor did I write the book.’ I groaned and he continued, ‘and besides aunt (m/n) would throw a fit if you were to change your major now. Don’t you only have one more semester to go before your graduate. Changing now would be pointless.’

“You’re an idiot.” I muttered and of course he just laughed.

‘You know you love me, and when I come back into town we’re both going to see it together this time.’

“Fuck no! I am never watching that film again!!”

‘Says the girl who watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre three times when it came out.’

“Whatever you saw it five times you psychopath.”

‘Sociopath actually. Alright you nerd we’ll talk later, I need to head to bed. Got an early conference tomorrow. Talk to you later kiddo.’

“Sleep tight El.”

‘Will do, you sleep tight and don’t let the sharks bite.’

“Fuck you.” He laughed once more before I hung up the phone and just cuddled on the couch clinging onto the blankets.  God I really wish Roger was here right now, his hugs always made me feel better and boy did I need them right now.  Since it was so late and I began to grow tired no matter how much I tried to fight it, soon I found myself asleep.

There was nothing but murky blue right before my eyes.  I was trapped in what looked like a shark cage, the metal bars being my only source of protection.  Then suddenly out of nowhere, I saw it coming.

A giant great white shark probably the same size as the one from the movie.  It swam right past me, allowing me to see it’s large size, the lifeless black eye just staring straight ahead as it swam by, then as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared into the ocean.

I didn’t know what to do.  I had nothing on me to protect me, no knife, gun, or even spear.  All I had was this cage that seemed to have no way out.  I kept my eyes forward and was frantically looking around hoping to find it.  Suddenly I was jerked forward as I felt something bump the cage from behind.

I began to panic as I saw right behind me swimming away was the tail of the great white. It circled below the cage before coming right back for me.  It’s large mouth gaped open exposing the rows upon rows of teeth.  It banged against the cage creating an even bigger dent than it first left.

Oh my god this shark was actually trying to eat me.  I tried to find a way out of the cage but there was no way out, the top was bolted shut and I couldn’t curl up because the cage wasn’t big enough for me to try and escape without risking getting caught by the shark’s mouth.  My heart felt like it was going to explode as it relentlessly rammed the cage until it was just big enough for it to finally swallow me whole.

I shot up panting, sweat dripping down my face.  It was then I began to hear the sound of my phone ringing once again.  I looked at my overhead clock to see that it was 2:30am.  I picked it up and tried to say with a steady tone.

“Hello?”

‘Hey love.’ Oh thank god! It was Roger.

“Roger!”

‘Hello my love, are you okay you sound a bit frantic?’ I placed my hand over my heart and wiped away my tears and choked out.

“I’m fine Roggie.”

‘You sure? You sound like you’ve been crying. Don’t tell me you’re missing me already?’ to get my mind off of my nightmare I went ahead and lied.

“Yes, that’s exactly it.”

‘Aww love we already talked about this. The only person who should be missing the other more is me. You broke your promise, now you’ll have to pay the toll.’

“Okay. I’ll take some time off of work to come with you guys on your next tour.”

‘Yes!’ he cheered and I swore I could hear him fist pump the air. ‘So sorry to be calling you so late, hope I didn’t wake you.’

“You’re fine I was—talking with Elliot anyways.”

‘Ahh so what’s that old bastard been up to lately huh?’ I shook my head.  See Roger and my cousin had been friends for years ever since grade school, in fact that’s how we met and eventually Elliot played matchmaker/tormentor toward us by the time we were all in high school.

“He’s currently away on business for his company in Athens. But hopefully he’ll be back in a week or so.”

‘Ohh fancy, lucky bitch gets to go everywhere.’

“Well he is the CEO of his company. But what about you? How’s the album coming along? You and the guys playing nice?”

‘Yes we are.’ But the way his tone was, it sounded like it wasn’t.

“What happened?”

‘Damn your keen senses.’ He teased and I chuckled softly. ‘I’ll tell you later, I only called to tell you that since the album is coming along so well, we’re relocating to another place just for some downtime and I want to invite you there.’

“And just where is this place at?”

‘Ridge farm studios. A nice family owns the place, it’s supposed to be a lot more open and more things to do than here at Rockfield. Think you can make it?’

“I think I might just be able to do that.” I heard Roger cheer and he told me of the address of the farm and we ended our conversation.  As I hung up the phone my mind went back to my nightmare so I kept the lamp on just so that I knew I was on dry land and not surrounded by water with a man eating shark about to eat me.

The next morning I began packing my things for the trip.  I was hoping on staying maybe a couple weeks but knowing Roger he’d try to convince me to stay the whole time they were there so I packed about five weeks’ worth of clothes.  Once I had everything packed, I took out my map and began to trace the route I would need to take to get to the farm.

Once that was done, I loaded my car and got on the road.  It took pretty much all day to get out of London and out into the country field of Capel.  It was probably 4 maybe 5 o’clock by the time I reached the farm and there waiting outside on the porch was none other than Roger.

As soon as he saw my car pull up, he stood up from the front steps and waved at me. I parked my car along the driveway and turned the engine off.  I got out of my car and sighed exasperatedly.

“If I didn’t love you so much, I never would drive out this far, or for this long.”

“Ahh but you do love me.” He said as he came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.  He leaned his forehead against mine as he swayed me from side to side.

“That I do.”

“And I’m grateful for that,” he cupped the side of my face and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb as he continued, “I’m so happy you came. I’ve missed holding you in my arms, I’ve missed seeing you first thing in the morning, missed these eyes, those lips.” I chuckled softly and said.

“Who would’ve thought Roger Taylor was such a softy.” I teased.

“You made me this way. You’re such a bad influence on me love.” He moaned as he soon captured my lips with his.

“Look who’s talking? Mr. ‘I want to have sex almost everywhere in the house’.” I spoke out between kisses.

“Shhh, don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it.” He whispered seductively as he began kissing down my neck. I breathed out a soft moan as I treaded my fingers through my boyfriend’s silk smooth blonde hair.

“If you’re going to be doing any of that Roger, I would suggest getting a room first.” We looked up and there were the rest of the Queen boys.

“Screw the lot of yah. I hadn’t seen my girl in months. SO if you don’t want to watch, then look away.” I hit Roger on the chest which made him both laugh and cry out in mock pain. “Ow love that hurt!”

“Then don’t say stuff like that around me.” Freddie chuckled and was the first to come up and greet me with a hug and peck on both cheeks.

“Welcome darling, oh it’s been too long. Why don’t you visit us anymore?”

“Sorry Fred, been trying to finish up my degree before I finally graduate.”

“Oh wow you’re nearly done. Congratulations (y/n).” Brian spoke up next.

“Thanks Bri, and it was about damn time too. Six years of school is too damn long.”

“I’ll bet.” Deacy soon spoke up.  I walked over to him and we both hugged each other.  Since Deacy and I were the same age with me being a few months older than him, we grew close to each other.  He was my confidant, my partner in crime, my sidekick especially when it came to messing with the others.

We were like the troublemakers of the group behind the scenes, both quiet and reserved until we decide to strike.  And when you get both of us putting our devious brains together, watch out.

“Well now that you’re here, Roger will actually begin to behave for once.” Freddie proclaimed.

“What did he do? He mentioned something briefly over the phone last night and now I’d like to know what it was?”

“Back at Rockfield he decided it was best to lock himself up in a cupboard in protest.” Deacy explained.  I turned to Roger and he only replied.

“They wouldn’t do my song.”

“And what song would that be?” I asked.

“‘I’m in love with my car’.” Brian answered.  I then looked at Roger offended and I said.

“So, which car do I have to smash?”

“The song’s about you!” he exclaimed.

“Oh so that’s all I am to you? A machine? That’s it from now on I’m Brian’s girl. Brian c’mere please.” He gladly came over and swept me off me feet as Roger just gawked at us.

Later that day after getting settled into our rooms, of course I shared a room with Roger (who else would I do share one with?) we were all gathered around the kitchen eating our late lunch/supper with Deacy cooking.

“Mm Deacy I swear Veronica is one lucky lady.” I praised.

“Thank you love.”

“You on the other hand need to learn how to cook.” I said to Roger.

“I tried to. But you shouldn’t be so cute then I wouldn’t be distracted.”

“Roger who burns a boiled egg?” he playfully shoved my shoulder and said.

“Alright then you don’t get any snuggles and kisses tonight.” I gaped at him but just before I could retort back, Freddie’s spoke up.

“My darlings they’ve got a pool here, let’s all eat by the poolside and then go swimming.”

“Fred you know you’re supposed to wait an hour before swimming right?”

“Oh poppycock my darlings, let’s go!” As we were now by the poolside, I stared down at the water and couldn’t help but freeze.  My nightmare soon came flashing before my eyes, as well as the opening scene of JAWS.

“(Y/n). (Y/n)!” I snapped out of my daze and turned to see Roger standing beside me. “You okay love?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“You sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“No Rog, I promise I’m fine.” I said as I cupped the side of his face.  He held my hand in his and kissed my palm.

“If you’re sure. But you know you can tell me anything yeah?” I nodded and kissed his cheek before sitting myself at the table to finish eating my potato salad. After we ate, the boys all began swimming.

Roger and Fred were mostly roughhousing around in the pool, while Deacy and Brian were on inner tubes.  I on the other hand was lying along one of the pool chairs and chose to get some sun rather than going in the water.  The guys seemed okay with it for awhile but soon Roger got too impatient.

“C’mon (n/n) just come in already!”

“No I already told you Rog I don’t want to go in!”

“Why not?”

“Cause I just put some suntan lotion on, you know I’ve got to wait at least 30 minutes before I go in.”

“Now that I know is a lie.” He proclaimed.  I flipped him off and put my sunglasses back over my eyes and just lay back down against the chair.  A few minutes later something was blocking my sun.  I looked up and the next thing I knew I was being picked up.

“Roger! What the hell Rog!? Let go of me!”

“Nope not till you get your pretty little butt into the water.” Oh shit no.

“Roger I swear to god if you throw me in I’ll—” I began kicking and punching him trying to get out of his arms but he kept a strong grip on me and soon I was submerged into the deep end of the pool.

I opened my eyes and I swore I saw a shark-shape like figure in the water and I began panicking.  Frantically splashing around trying to get back up to the surface but I was only drowning myself further.  I soon felt something grab onto me and I let out a scream allowing water into my lungs before I was pulled back up to the surface.  I let out a cough and horrifying scream as I lashed out at whatever was grabbing onto me.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)! It’s okay, it’s okay it’s me love, it’s me.” But I couldn’t hear the voice as I was now being pulled out of the water and back onto solid ground. I felt a towel being wrapped around me as Roger’s voice spoke up.

“Love are you okay I am so sorry I—I didn’t mean to…..”

“JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!! ALL OF YOU!! Please I—I…..” I soon began weeping hysterically on the ground.

Later that night I didn’t even come out of my room.  I kept it locked and refused to come out and confront the boys, hell I didn’t allow Roger to even come in and change, he could just sit there dripping wet for all I care and think about what he’s done.

I soon heard a soft knock at the door and Roger’s voice soon said.

“(Y/n)? Love?” I didn’t answer him, “Look I—I’m so sorry for what happened back at the pool. I know you’re probably still angry, you have every right to be.” He paused midsentence I guess waiting for me to answer but he continued, “You don’t have to answer. What I did was a—dick move and I shouldn’t have done it. Brian, Deacy and Fred threatened me with murder if I didn’t come up and fix this.” Thanks guys. “I uhh—I bought you your favorite chocolates. There was a candy store nearby, quaint little place and I feared they wouldn’t have it but they did.”

Oh Roger. He willingly went out and bought my favorite chocolates.  But it wasn’t his fault.  I’ve been thinking about it and I shouldn’t be putting the blame on him. After all he didn’t know about the movie, he didn’t know that I was still scared about the movie so how could he have known that water suddenly became my number 1 fear now.

“I know it probably isn’t much right now but I hope it at least shows you how much I love you. I just—wanted to spend time with my mermaid. But I went about it the wrong way.” Mermaid. Huh? Hadn’t heard him call me that in a long time, not since our first date when we snuck into the community pool.  “Can you—please just open the door? I want to see you, I want to hold you and comfort you.” I silently walked towards the door but I didn’t open it as I heard Roger’s solemn voice say, “Nothing?” he sighed, “Okay love. I won’t bug you anymore. I’ll just—leave these here for you. Bye.”

I opened the door.

I saw that he was just a few feet away from the door and he turned around to see me.

“Hi.” He said nervously.

“Hi.” I whimpered.

“Oh lovely come here.” We walked up toward each other and he embraced me.  Rubbing my back in soothing circles with my head resting against his chest listening to his heartbeat.  “You’re really starting to scare me (y/n), what happened back there?”

“Shark.” I muttered.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Shark.” I said a little bit louder.

“A shark?” I nodded confirming what I had said. “Did you—see a shark?”

“I thought I did I—this is stupid forget I said anything.”

“No, no, no, no. It’s not stupid. Anything that scares my girl is serious. Why did you think you saw a shark in the pool?”

“Because—because of a movie I watched while you were away.”

“And what movie was that?”

“It was a new movie. American director Steven Spielberg, he made a movie called…..JAWS.”

“Wait I think I remember that title? Yeah the theater near here was promoting it while we were filling up the car with gas.” I looked down shamefully. “But I thought you and Elliot always liked talking about those horror films?”

“But this one was different. It—it showed me just how dangerous the ocean can be.”

“But that’s just it. The ocean. Sharks can’t get into a pool, I doubt they’d find chlorine pleasant.”

“Roger this is serious!” He grinned and said.

“I know, I’m sorry. Here hug me tighter love.” I squeezed him as tight as I could and he did the same thing.  “You know that I would never let anything harm you, right?” I nodded in his chest.

“I know, but the nightmare I has last night was—”

“Hold up, you had a nightmare last night? That’s why you sounded out of sorts?” I shamefully nodded. “Oh love why didn’t you just tell me over the phone?”

“Because I didn’t want to worry or bother you—”

“You are never a bother to me. There’s nothing in this whole world that matters to me more than you. Even the band.”

“Wow I feel special.”

“And you should.” He pecked the top of my head as he rubbed my back once more.  We stayed in each other’s arms for a bit longer and he proceeded, “You know that I would never let anything harm my baby girl right? I’m much scarier than anything that could do you harm.” I giggled and said.

“No you’re not.”

“What? Baby I totally am. Haven’t you seen me when I go into my rage modes? Remember the Rainbow back in November?” I did actually remember that but of course I wasn’t gonna let him win.

“Don’t recall that.”

“Okay then, maybe this will refresh your mind.” Much like he did back at the pool, he tossed me over his shoulder and walked us into our bedroom shutting the door. He flopped me down on the bed, I tried to get away but he captured me by imprisoning my legs with his, tangling our limbs together and wrapped his arms around my waist trapping my arms.

I couldn’t stop giggling as I soon felt Roger nuzzle into my neck, moaning softly occasionally kissing along my neck but not in the pleasurable kind of way, more of the tickly way.

“Roger….stop it.”

“Oh does it tickle?” smug little shit he knew it did.  “How about if I do this?” I then felt him tickle my ribs which elicited shrieks out of me.  “Oh don’t you squirm away from me little missy. Come back here you.” He pulled me back as I had tried to squirm out of his embrace and he proceeded to now tickle my stomach as well as raspberry my neck.

“Ahh Rog! Okay! Okay! I yield I yield!”

“You gonna say it now?” he mocked as he now hovered over me.

“Roger Taylor is the scariest and toughest being in the whole world.”

“And don’t you forget it lovie.” He gingerly pecked my nose and said, “In all seriousness love. I won’t let anything real or supernatural hurt you. No ghosts, vampires, werewolves, aliens, serial killers, kidnappers, nothing.”

“And sharks?” I asked worriedly.

“Especially not sharks. I’ll beat them all to a bloody pulp if they even think about eating my girl. I’m the only one who can do that.” He winked at me and grinned cheekily at me.  I slapped his chest as he laughed and held me close.  “Try to get some sleep love, I’ll protect you. And if you have another nightmare, just wake me up, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you Roger, for everything.”

“Anytime my love.” He kissed my lips gingerly and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” We cuddled close together and soon we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[zodiacal-dust-and-curls]

It’s Late (Ch 3)

A/N: Last chapter, my loves. You made it. This is all still fictional. Should line up with the Jazz and Crazy tours. Enjoy!

Warnings: swearing?, children, it’s cute (you’ve reached the fluff), good luck

Word Count: 2k

Ch 1 - Ch 2

Roger seemed to cling to you and Roxie in the coming months.

The band was recording their next album and the rhythm section seemed to spend a lot of time together to get the timing down. You spent even more time with Veronica than usual to help keep Robert occupied while she settled in with the newest addition to the family. This meant lots of dinners at the Deacon residence with you, Roger, Roxie, Robert, Veronica, John, and little Michael.

One day, after the recording was finished, Roger finally revealed why he’s been around so often.

“Y/N, I know that you probably don’t trust rockstars anymore,” a huge understatement really, “but I was hoping that just the two of us could grab dinner one day? Before the tour starts?” Roger Taylor had really just asked you on a date. Like a proper date. In front of your best friend’s house, no less.

“Roger . . .” You had to admire the guts it took to even ask. He knew your history, the whole band did. John refused to let Brian hide a damned thing from any of them. “Roger, I just . . . I know that you know what happened. But I can’t let you get close to us like that if you don’t intend to stay.” The tour would be starting in a few weeks. Just enough time for him to get close and then leave you alone. You could see it all playing out in your head already.

“Just dinner, Y/N. I promise to be on my best behavior for all of the tour. I’ll stay by John the whole time if you want a report back from a trusted source.”

“You can take me to dinner, Taylor. Have your fun on the tour. We’ll see what happens when you get back.” The smile that he gave you could melt even the iciest heart.

The dinner was sweet and rather uneventful. It felt more like two friends catching up than anything even slightly romantic. You had a good time and Roger seemed to enjoy himself as well. He left you that night with just a kiss on the cheek and the promise to see you again soon.

That had been about a month ago. He had seen you during that time, but never without someone present. Sometimes John, sometimes Freddie, but usually Roxie. It was okay. You’d told him to have his fun and promised him a proper chance after the tour. If he was going to woo you, he’d have to do it properly.

One thing you hadn’t expected from him while on tour was nightly phone calls. The situation felt so familiar, but seemed to sit differently in your soul. You were always pleasantly surprised when the phone rang and you picked up to find Roger on the other end of the line.

Roxie didn’t know about your little date, nor were you going to get her hopes up about anything. But she seemed to work Roger into her routine very easily. She fought sleep every night to hear his voice for just a few moments. You worried that if it didn’t work out, her heart would be broken beyond repair and she’d learn the same lesson you did at a much earlier age.

Towards the end of the tour, you were surprised to pick up your ringing phone to a very drunk Roger. He seemed to have an awful lot on his mind, but you had a fussy three and eleven twelfths year-old that was not going to go to bed without saying her usual good night to Uncle Rog.

“Rox, my lovely, my favorite girl.” You heard him through the handset. He was trying very hard to sound sober for your little one. “I hope you’re being good for your mumma and I hope you sleep well tonight.”

“I am Uncle Rog. I miss you though. Mumma isn’t fun like you.” Way to turn on your own mom, Roxanna Celeste. “When will you be back?”

You caught a giggle come from Roger. “I promise I’ll be home very soon, Rox. Just two more weeks.” You’d never seen Roxie look so disappointed in her Uncle Rog. “Can you be good for your mumma and go to bed, lovely?”

“No.” A drunken Roger and a pouty toddler. This was a match made in hell. You were sure.

“The faster you go to bed, the faster the morning will come, the faster the days will go, and the sooner I’ll be back to see you.” Okay, maybe drunk Roger had more toddler sense than you were ready for.

Roxie seemed to consider this for a moment. Her little eyebrows furrowing and her lips pursing out, as if to blow a very angry kiss. “Fine. Good night, Uncle Rog.” She handed the phone to you and waited for you to escort her to bed.

You put her down quickly and came back to the phone. “Rog?”

“Y/N! My favorite adult. How are you doing, love?”  It sounded like Roger had taken another shot before you came back.

“I’m fine. What are you up to? You sound a little . . . sloshed.” You wanted to say something else, but nothing really seemed to fit.

“I am. I’ve been thinking about you for the whole damn tour.” Well, that wasn’t exactly news. Why would he call if you weren’t on his mind? “You and Rox, actually. I know . . . I know what happened before. Brian is a dick. He should have told you the truth, that he wasn’t ready.” He paused for a breath.

“But, I am. I’ve had all my fun. I think I want to give domesticity a real try, especially with you.” Wait, what. “I waited so long. John threatened to kill me if I did anything before I was sure and you were so busy with Rox and I could never do anything to hurt her. I’d die before I hurt her.” You were beginning to get an idea of how many drinks he had.

“Y/N, you and Rox are the most important people to me. I’ve tried to take things achingly slow and I can’t anymore. I want to do things properly the minute I get home. What do you say?”

“Roger, are you telling me that my mothering skills attracted you to me?” The disbelief was evident in your voice.

“Partly.”

“Are you joking?”

“No.”

“Taylor, if you’re having a laugh, I will kill you before John does.”

“Y/N. I’ve never met a woman that makes me feel the way you do. You’re brilliant, you’re gorgeous, and you make me feel things I never thought I would want. I just think we should try this. What do you say?” You were in shock. Roger Taylor, the drummer from Queen, seemed to be attracted to you and had confessed it was amplified because of your motherhood.

“I think you better start planning how you’re going to court me. I’ll see you in two weeks, Rog. Good night.”

“Good night, my love. I’ll see you soon.”

Roger called you every night for the rest of the tour, Roxie kept her usual routine without much complaint, and you seemed to end your days with a countdown. The day Roger said, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” caught you by surprise.

Roxie was ready to bolt down to the airport to pick up the boys at 5 am. What you did to deserve this punishment, you weren’t quite sure.

“Roxie, lovely, come lay down with mumma. She’s tired.” This child. Roger might be wrapped around all her fingers, but you weren’t. At least not at 5 am.

“But mumma, Uncle Roger comes home today. I want to see him.” You were going to kill whoever taught her about calendars. Oh wait, that was you. Nevermind.

“He still has to land, lovely. Come here. We’ll wait together.” What Roxie didn’t know is that Roger was coming straight over, it was an early birthday surprise for her.

Roxie begrudgingly climbed into your bed. Thankfully, you knew how to get her to sleep. You pushed all the curls away from her face and started tracing light lines down her nose and eyebrows. This trick had worked from birth for her. It seemed to put her into a light trance until she finally fell asleep.

A few hours later, Roger knocked on your front door. He came alone, but not empty handed. A rather large, wrapped box sat behind him on your little porch.

“Um, Rog?” There could be no good explanation for this. You were sure.

“Yeah?” You didn’t like the smile he gave you. It was too innocent.

“What are you trying to bring into my house?” You pointed at the box. You couldn’t let him get out of this.

“It’s a present for my favorite girl. Where is she, by the way?” He had started to bring the box in just as you heard little feet run down the hallway.

“Uncle Rog! Uncle Rog! You’re back!!!” Roxie launched herself into his arms.

“I am back, Rox!” He pressed her tightly to him. “I brought you a present, too. I know tomorrow’s your birthday.”

“It is!!! I’m going to be four.” She wiggled to get down. “Mumma said she’s throwing me a party this weekend.”

Roger looked at you and mouthed “Party?” You nodded. Some of her friends from daycare, John and Veronica, and your family were going to attend. You were going to give Roger time to acclimate before you dragged him into anything.

“Will you be there?” Roxie did not seem so keen on giving him time to readjust to being home.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, lovely.” He gave her a winning smile.

“Can I open my present now, though?” So she hadn’t forgotten about the giant box in the room.

“I’m fine with it, but you have to ask your mum.” He turned his gaze on you. They both did. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear that Roxie was Roger’s.

“I suppose.” You smiled back, still wary of the box but happy to see such joy in your little one’s eyes.

“Roger, I hope you’re joking.” The box happened to contain the one thing you had managed to keep out of the house for four full years, a miniature drum kit. It was designed to grow with her to a certain point, but you were sure it’d never grow on you. Just like her excited shrieking wasn’t growing on you at the moment.

“I wish I was, love.” He at least had the decency to look slightly worried before he pulled you to him and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “But this is nothing compared to the one for her at my place.”

You just groaned as you dropped your head to his shoulder. When had you started raising mini-Roger?

Roxie’s birthday passed without a hitch. John was surprised to see Roger, given the threats you’d learned of, but was pleasant nonetheless.

Over the next few months, Roger seriously courted you. He took his time in planning things out and made sure to include Roxie, when appropriate. He never rushed you and truly seemed to enjoy all your time together.

The next tour they went on was very short. Queen had booked a short trip through The British Isles to promote their new single and give everyone a rest.

“What do you say, love? Do you trust me on this one?” Roger looked so hopeful.

He’d been the best partner you could ask for while the boys were home recording. He’d been wonderful during the last tour despite having no promises to keep to you. John had even mentioned in passing that there was only one night he was worried about his bandmate, and that seemed to coincide with the night of his confession.

“Of course, I do.” You couldn’t help but smile at him. He was so considerate to ask. “Go do your tour, love. Your favorite girls will be here when you get back.”

The tour was the perfect length to test this new relationship. Roger called every night like he had the tour before. He always helped you put Roxie to bed before wishing you a good night was well. No tabloids came out with scandalous reports. He returned to you in one piece, absolutely ecstatic to see you. All was finally well in your world.

Tag List: @rogers-wristbands @bitemerog 

A/n: You made it! Let me know what you thought. Stay lovely 🖤

[hanibalistic]

hi 😀 let me just apologize for disappearing off the face of the earth all of a sudden. i wasn’t in a mood to read anything at all these past few days. so, no bedtime stories for me ☹️ instead, i started (finally) watching the remaining episodes of this kdrama i neglected for months and writing. was also thinking of switching up my schedule for reading because i’ve been reading late at night and i don’t think it’s healthy for my sleeping pattern so today i tried reading first thing in the morning 🌞

how have you been? 🥺 it felt like it’s been so long since i read anything you’ve written. but it hasn’t been that long. time’s just weird this quarantine. today, i read two fics. the minho fic for angry, neglected souls and the felix fic where he asks for a hug.

the minho fic. it felt weird having someone capture my personality so well in a fic because i barely read anything where the reader isn’t a softy. i am literally like that irl. and their conversation with minho felt like a conversation between me and my guy bestfriend 👫 there was this line in particular that hit me hardest where the reader felt like minho should’ve given up on them years ago? something like that. and i felt that. and the reader taking their anger out on someone else? felt that too (been trying to fix that this quarantine tho 🙆🏻‍♀️) though it might’ve been an angsty fic, idk why i found some comfort in it. i wish i could elaborate but i can’t explain why either.

and the felix fic. i am a cuddle bug and i need hugs 24/7 but thanks to quarantine i can’t have that anymore. so when you opened the fic with a “can i have a hug please?” i was immediately drawn to it. and it dawned on me that i have never read a felix fic before 🤔 i’m not sure exactly why. but this was a good first fic 🥺 and now i need a hug too ☹️

oh! and i also saw that your recent fic was inspired by evermore? duuuude saaaame 😩 that album just *chefs kiss* i wrote smthng inspired by champagne problems because that song hurt like a bitch and this plot wouldn’t get out of my head ㅠㅠ now i’m hurting myself with my own writing deadass.

hello toffee ヾ(･∀･`o) it’s nice to see you drop by! no worries about disappearing, we all have a life outside of tumblr, after all. and i’m glad you went to do something you wanted to do because you weren’t in the mood to read anything! i hope the drama was fun to watch and that the writing was fulfilling to do (｀･ω´･ ) ah, my sleeping schedule is completely trashed by the pandemic, and it’s likely going to stay messed up and unhealthy for a while until i get used to sleeping early again (´･_･`) but i have taken up the habit of reading in the morning, though! during brunch, because i don’t wake up at godly hours now. i hope you had fun doing that ♡

i have been well! school is close to ending and i only have two more timed finals before i am done ( ಠ‿ಠ) it should be a breeze for me. the only thing i’m worried about is the parcel i got from japan getting lose at sea (  ;´꒳`;) it has been almost 2 months, please come home to me. anyway, i hope you are doing well too and are taking care of yourself! 

i actually don’t know how long it has been since you last read my works but i’m always happy to see you in my notifications or asks or messages ヾ(⁍̴̆◡⁍̴̆。)ノand i see you have written something profound about my work once again! i am always in awe to see your comments, they are so nice and pleasing to read. thank you for taking the time out to comment on them, really (.◜◡◝ ) here a jeno smile (side note but i have not been able to stop thinking about jeno (._.) his blue hair... lord).

the minho fic: this fic really resonated with me. it doesn’t have perfect writing, nor does it have any surprising plotline, but it is very important to me. i wrote it under feeling extreme epiphany after talking to my best friend and listening to ribs by lorde (this song just brings something out of me?). our conversation was very opening and i talked about something that has been bothering me for a long time. i have been angry, i realized, and i took it out on people who wouldn’t be able to tolerate it–who i thought would. there is nothing wrong with those people not being able to, of course! but it helped me understand that there will be people who can handle you and people who can’t. i found out those who can’t through making a mistake, and i will promptly make my leave soon and return to those who can. it made me happy that i finally made the decision to leave after trying so hard to work with someone who just... isn’t my kind of people. so that piece is very important to me. it’s probably not very good to be able to relate to the piece but well, i am glad that it brought you some kind of comfort ( ´ ▽ `  ) like the note says, i hope joy finds you with haste ♡

the felix fic: i am not a cuddle bug at all, but felix sure seemed like he is one, and i adore him for that! i also thought hugging him would feel rather fluffy and nice, an exception to me no touching rule, maybe? but oh, you should read more felix fic! that boy is simply pleasant to think about ♡ i hope you get to find a lot of good ones!

yes it was! i couldn’t care less about taylor swift, honestly, but folklore has caught my silent heart so much that when i heard evermore is going to be like a sister album, i just knew i had to immediately give it a listen (˘̩̩̩-˘̩ƪ) and oh lord, i am now an evermore bitch. the album is really good, it fuels my seungmin writer heart with the softness of it (งᐛ)ว the museum one was inspired by gold rush, which is definitely my favorite track on the album! but ah, champagne problems is very good as well (  ;´꒳`;) and ah, i’m glad you get to write something about it! always love it when songs push us to write more, especially when you find that one song that just clicks with the story! i won’t say this album saved my 2020 but it kind of did. i wished it was out earlier so i could have jammed to it more!

[jeremyhechtsblog-blog]

I Decided

It’s been an insane last couple of weeks.

I met one of my idols Big Sean and helped work on his interview. I went live on LA’s biggest morning radio show and started trending on Twitter and I learned a great lesson as always.

First of all, I want to apologize for missing my first week of blogs. We made it to 20 weeks straight. But I promise this one will make up for the week off.

Saturday

It’s 3:40 pm and we’re sitting in the America’s Got Talent audition room. I say we because John has been waiting in line with me since 11:00 am. Find you a roommate and friend like John and hold on to him. Especially if they love Chicken and Waffles.

Two Thursday’s Ago

I’m at Power 106 editing the audio from The Cruz Show that will go up on Soundcloud later today. I overhear a producer walk into the studio room and say

“Big Sean is coming into the studio on Monday. His new album will be out so you guys can talk about that.”

Before I head home for the day I go up to Jeff (producer of the morning show) and Cruz and say

“I’ll get you notes for Big Sean by tomorrow. Also if you guys need any help with on-air stuff, I’m always willing to help.”

My professor Jeff told me that when he first got on-air it was because he was eager and told the producer that he wanted to help out. I asked him what I should do about my situation because I want to be on air also, and he told me to just tell them. So I took his advice.

All night I stay up making interview questions for Big Sean. I have been listening to him since I was in grade 11, freshly in love and heavily chasing the rap dream. He has been one of my biggest inspirations ever since.

I print out two copies, put them in my bag and try to get to bed before 12:00 am. It’s pretty wild knowing that I will get 4 hours of sleep tonight.

Two Friday’s Ago

I get into an Uber as usual at 5:15 am and my driver tells me how cool it is that I work at the radio station. I told him I’ll be on that radio soon so he should keep listening.

I hand the paper with all of my Big Sean questions to Cruz and Jeff.

“These are great Jeremy. You killed it. You gonna be here for the interview on Monday?”

“If I can come in for it?”

“Of course.”

“See you Monday. Thanks for the opportunity guys. Love”

Last Sunday

I wake up early before the Super Bowl, which is at 3:30 pm here. It still feels weird to have a Super Bowl party during the day, but everyone here thinks it would be weird to watch it at night so I guess that is just a difference in environment. I finish writing a full page of Big Sean questions after listening to his new album “I Decided” on repeat (which I really like by the way). I send it over to Cruz and Jeff and then enjoy an incredible Super Bowl at my friend Taylor’s in Glendale. I’m still not over that comeback, but I’m also still not surprised.

Email from Cruz: “Thanks Jeremy. These are great!”

Last Monday

It’s 10:30 am. As I walk in, the other interns are gluing questions onto cue cards. The questions are the ones that I wrote!!  My questions are going to be asked to Big Sean!!!!! So I feel like I’m basically second-hand interviewing Big Sean… Right?? Or no?

Our boss asks us to fill out a sheet of paper that has the title “Intern Weekend Recap” on it. I fill it out with big paragraphs and a lot of detail. Everyone else fills it out with one or two word answers. They are all laughing at me.

“Jeremy you’re such an overachiever”

“There is no such thing as an overachiever, it just means you underestimate my ability!”

I learned that from one of Jeff’s classes where he does a weekly lesson from the late, great basketball coach and man, John Wooden.

“You’ve been waiting to use that line haven’t you? * Laughs *

I smile.

Big Sean is in the building at Power 106 for a live interview and VIP party in front of a crowd of some of his biggest fans. I see Big Sean from across the room.

“Hey What’s up Sean!?”

“Whattup bro?”

We shake hands and then keep it moving.

After the interview I tell him how much he has inspired me and thank him for everything.

“Aw man thanks for the support dawg!!! I appreciate you.”

We take a picture and I am about to leave. Jeff says,

“Jeremy, can you stay for a few minutes? I’d love your opinion on something.”

“Of course.”

I am almost late for my class at this point so I kind of have to hurry. I need to buy magazines for a project we are working on, so I walk over to CVS in Burbank, which is a lot farther of a walk than I thought it would be. I post an insta and I’m listening to “So Much More” off of Big Sean’s Finally Famous album. He raps “I used to ride to school listening to Kanye, Pharrell, Wayne.” I make my caption, “I used to ride to school listening to Kanye, Mac Miller, Big Sean.” My phone dies (I know dad, but I forgot my charger at home again…) so I set up my laptop and charge it in CVS while I wait for my Uber. I get a call from Jeff,

“Hey Jeremy, can I ask you a couple of questions about your weekend recap story? Do you mind if we talk about this on-air on Thursday?”

“That would be great. I’ll prepare it for then!”

Last Thursday

My Uber driver, like every other Uber driver who picks me up in the morning switches the radio station to Power 106 once he sees where we’re going. He asks me about my job and I tell him to keep listening because I will be live on air today!

I get to work and say hi to everyone. Jeff preps me for the on-air segment with Cruz and then they hand me headphones and I sit down in front of the mic. I am a mixture of excited and nervous but with a lot more excitement.

“We’re here live with our intern Jeremy. Jeremy you’ve got a story for us right?”

“Thanks for having me all the way from Canada! Yes I do.”

“Tell us about what happened”

I relay a story that was a mixture of multiple occasions when I have spoken with girls for sometimes hours and then they will slip into the convo that they have a boyfriend… which I’m sure a lot of you fellas have experienced. It sucks. And callers call in to give their advice to me.

Krystal Bee (the other morning show host) says,

“Jeremy, you’re trending right now!”

We go back on air. Cruz starts by saying,

“Jeremy, do you think your name is trending because of you?”

“I cannot confirm nor deny, but ladies feel free to DM me your advice”

“Shouldn’t you be getting me coffee or something as our intern! * laughs *”

“I’ve made it too far for that now, I’m Hollywood! There’s no coming back down to earth.”

I end the segment with a good one liner about how another guy took a bigger L than me and everyone in the room laughs.

Wow. I was just live on air on the biggest LA radio morning show. I was trending on Twitter (whether or not all of the tweets were about me) and I just executed in my biggest opportunity yet. Is this real life??? I used to watch this show on YouTube in my bedroom in Winnipeg.

I got to really contribute to an interview with one of my favorite artists of all-time and I got to meet him too. I really do feel like I’m living the dream. But as much as it seems surreal, it does seem like exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’ve envisioned this too many times for me to say that I don’t feel like I belong. And at this moment I Decided that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Lessons:

Recognize that YOU are good enough. That you belong right where you are.

Being humble is always important. I always try to be grateful and appreciative of where I am. I texted Cruz right after that moment when I got home and thanked him for the opportunity.

“That was always a dream of mine. I appreciate the opportunity a lot.”

“Dude, you did a great job. Thank you!”

But at the same time, you have to make the conscious decision that you are right where you are for a reason. You are good enough to be the best at what you do, you have earned and worked hard for all of the opportunities that you’ve received, and that when your moment came, YOU did your thing and executed. No one else can do that for you. People can give you hand-outs, but if you don’t perform, then it means nothing. So I learned over these past couple weeks, that I not only belong in the position that I’m in, but that I deserve it. That I can stand with my peers and feel like I am right where I’m meant to be.

Never Stop Asking Questions or Learning

Knowing you belong and deserve success does not mean that you should stop growing or wanting to learn. I still don’t know sh*t. I am so young and have so much to learn. And I always need to sit down and remember that. Just because you have done something cool, doesn’t mean it’s over and that you’re an all-knowing powerful being. You will never be. The day you think that is the day you lose. We can all continue to learn. And I hope to be 70 and still learning something new every day. I continue to ask for advice from my mentors and questions about becoming successful and great. Keep pushing forward, always.

There is No Such Thing as an Overachiever

This is a lesson I learned from Jeff who learned it from John Wooden. People can doubt you all they want and tell you that you’re doing too much, but they are really the ones who are just underestimating your ability to achieve. If you achieved it, then you were cabable of achieving it. I thanked Jeff (Power) for the opportunity to be on-air and he said, “man, some of these interns wrote one or two word answers. You were the only one who gave me some good answers. Of course I want to talk about them.

“They were laughing at me before!”

“Let them laugh bro. You’re the one who made it on-air.”

I hope you have a great week and thank you for sticking with me and for being patient for this blog. I really hope I can continue to provide you with value and inspire you to accomplish your dreams.

Blessings and love to you.

-       Jeremy