#Talk abt an overachiever

[hiddenfolk]

Sometimes i wonder how the members of the Worst Generation would feel if they found out Jewellery Bonney was a literal 10 year old and on their level like i think that would be actually psychologically devastating. Imagine being a 40 year old man travelling across the world and steadily building up your power and notoriety only to find out you're the same level as a 10 year old. Id die!!

[pespillo]

the problem of wittebane fans is that much like philip did they focus on every action of philip´s childhood and young adulthood and forget the elephant in the room of a gap of 400 years of things he personally pushed upon almost, everyone, around him ,grimwalker demon and collector alike , like sometimes grief is utterly unsatisfying and leaves you without closure and everyone gets literally sick of you and then they stomp you to death because youre still wondering if theres a human out there whos gonna pity your ass , and then theres nobody. the world isnt gonna stop for you.

[panb1mbo]

what do you mean i can't immediately be great at everything all the time?

[darkhopping]

[bursts awake in the middle of the night] i need 2 make my daughters more insane

[alanalmeara]

Me? Saying my affirmations? No. Me? Screaming my affirmations? YES

[birdhand-art]

Bonus reblog with concept work on HST! Digital work is from a few months ago, traditional is from 2 days ago :]

Making a lore doc for them + the local group so i can start writing things >:3

Iterators in general have had me in a vice grip for a couple months now, love these unhinged giant robots <3 needed to draw their insane chat log energy

Local group of iterator ocs/sonas! All the love and credit goes to my wonderful friends in order of apperance

Three Bells Chime (TBC) belongs to @wizardsandtomfoolery Wandering Cut (WC) belongs to @tufferq Red Shells Upon Grass (RSUG) belongs to @kazzzled Humming Stones under Thunder (HST) is mine!

[bitchytwinkcore]

something i cant get over (and could talk about for yonks) is how immensely relatable the pines twinsx2 are to me,, like ALL of them

dipper - awkward, trying to impress people (especially a cool girl), wanting people to not treat him like a baby, insecure of himself

mabel - literally acts how i did when i was 8-12 (people found me repulsive), acts silly and people take that seriously even tho shes literally just trying to make people laugh, her boy craze was just like me as a pre-teen

stan - living in the shadow of an overachieving sibling (feeling like the "stupid sibling" is sooo real), "nothing i do will be good enough for [insert person here]" (this is projection), struggled in school, not wanting to let people in despite desperately wanting connection

ford - born with genetic abnormality which results in ostracisation from peers, severe inability to socialise with other people, attraction to "strange things", pressure to preform well because of previous success (this is projection), struggles with trusting people due to being hurt in the past, seeks approval and praise, "i'm supposed to be smart why am i being so stupid" (this is projection)

i love them they're all just like me fr i want to talk abt them forever (i do a lot more projection on stan and ford solely bc they're adults and have gone thru more struggle than dipper and mabel)

[musicalmoritz]

if TBHK couples have kids, what will their parenting look like?

Awww, this is such a cute question!! I’m gonna do my main ones to keep this short but if you want to hear my takes on any others feel free to lmk!!

Aoinene

• Gotta do the gay moms first

• Unsure of whether they’d have a son or a daughter…either way these too are gonna adore their kid

• Aoi would be the strict mom, her own mother seems to be pretty controlling and she gives me “turning into your parent” vibes. She’d try to acknowledge when that behavior goes too far tho and eventually try to loosen up a little. She’s not the first they go to when they’re in trouble but she gives the best advice; and she doesn’t really get mad or yell, more-so she gets stern

• Nene would be the exact opposite. She’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom/ref. Definitely the type to take her kid on spontaneous shopping trips and not tell Aoi until they’ve already splurged. It’s okay tho because Aoi can’t stay mad at her wife. She buys her kid extra treats every time she stops by the store, and takes them for ice cream every Friday

• As they’ve both had their own mental health struggles, they would check in a lot with their child to make sure they’re doing okay

• Their family might struggle with communication because, well, it’s Aoinene, but they’re certainly going to make an effort. They’d be really into family holiday traditions, I’m talking movie binges, festivals, decorating, big meals, etc.

Terukane

• Teru practically already has two kids so whoever he’s dating is going to get the co-parenting experience (at least with Tiara, Kou becomes more of an awkward brother-in-law)

• These two would so be girl dads you cannot change my mind. If it’s not Tiara then it’s another little girl they adopted

• Teru would be a total helicopter parent, not necessarily strict like Aoi but very overprotective. And he’d do that typical parent manipulation tactic of “oh I guess I’m just the worst dad ever” during arguments. But don’t let those traits fool you, he would be the most loving dad ever. His kids are his entire life, he probably carries pictures around of them in his wallet

• Akane would also be a good dad, just less overbearing. He’d be the type to take his kid to the baseball field or yell at them over math homework at the kitchen table. It would be that type of parent/child dynamic where they immediately look at each other whenever another family member says smth out of pocket. He’s really good at taking care of ppl so he’s be very doting at times like Teru

• Since neither of their parents seem to be very active in their lives they’d try to devote as much time and attention to their daughter as possible

• One of those family dynamics where they constantly make fun of each other but it’s obvious they love each other more than anything

Mitsukou

• In an au where they could grow up together…

• They have a son or a son and a daughter

• Kou would be one of those overly loving fun dads. The type of guy you think of when you hear “dad energy.” He tries to make conversation with all his kids’ friends and it’s awkward. And he’d start a bunch of projects for his kids like building a pool or planning family vacations. If one of his kids has a rough day he sits them down for an emotional talk. Overachiever Dad, if you will

• Mitsuba would be the type of dad to lovingly bully his kids 24/7. Yes he critiques their outfit choices every day. Yes he gives his input on school drama. He’d be very annoying but at the end of the day still care a lot, I like to think he’d have a subtle overprotective streak. Kou does like 80% of the parenting for him but he’s there for emotional support

• They care a lot abt making sure their kid has hobbies and friends so they’re both on the PTA

• They’re one of those really annoying families that wear matching pajamas at Christmas. Yes you are going to see their aesthetic family pictures every time you open Instagram. The kids think they’re too cool for it but they’re not

I hope you enjoyed these, thank you for the ask!

[sun-stricken]

Headcannoms about friendship between Bickslow and Gray? I like to think after the fighting festival he really tries to make it up to Gray.

Gray: ‘we’re chill. It’s fine.’

Bickslow: ‘my babies will now perform a dance of apology’

Also a scenario I’d like to share!

Lucy: hey, Gray I picked up your mail. Why do you have a letter from a modelling agency?

Gray: oh that. I don’t know they just keep sending me them even though I’ve told them no.

Lucy: you’ve turned them down repeatedly?! *while crying inside*

Gray: yeah? It’s weird ‘cause I didn’t even apply.

Lucy: Lucy kick!

i for some reason hadn’t considered the idea of them having a close friendship, but i am now so here! a gift !

i had so much fun with this

* my personal hc is that Bickslows dolls feel a lot of what he himself feels, and also theyre kinda like birds

* so they too try to make it up to Gray, they bring him little things they find, such as shiny rocks, pins, and other tiny objects they find

* Bickslow just nods in approval from the sidelines when they bring them to Gray

* They were both fairly awkward with each other post festival but after Bickslow gave Gray an honest apology they began to turn over a new leaf

* people find the friendship strange tbh, Gray is known as this vaguely calm and like, super normal guy, and Bickslow is just— not

* theyre surprisingly comfortable with each other

* they dont hang out a lot outside the guild, but thats not to say they dont ever,

* While they dont work the best together and it took a while be able to fight along side on another,

* If the Thunder Legion and Team Natsu have to pair up usually they do bc they’re comfortable with each other and trust can go a long way

* theyre both texting fiends, like its a problem how much they message their friends, so when they found out the other was the same oh my god was it a train wreck

* their conversations can go for hours and if you read through them youd probably have an aneurysm because the topics make no sense and Bix doesn’t even try to spell correctly

* They have gotten close and friendly but that doesnt mean theu ever know what to expect from the other, their opinions and thoughts are so different from each other, if rhey ever have the same idea its like all the stars and planet’s have aligned and world is about to end

* Bickslows hair is naturally black and Gray helped him dye it once and they deadass looked they walk out the smurf set for weeks, Bix’s bathroom looked like they murdered a hundred of them

* Gray has an affinity for collecting hand weapons (swords, spears, bows, etc) while Bickslow likes taking apart and building old bombs (actual explosive grenades, land mines, smoke/flash grenades)

* they bonded over it and talked about it in public and terrified about 20 people rhat were in earshot

* theyre both a big hit with kids

* Bickslow gets added to the long list of people who barge into Gray house unannounced

* a lot of the time they will talk (coughcomplaincough) about two different things in the same convo

* Bickslow: the cops were at my door again last night because of the inactive grenade i threw in the fountain, woke me up and everything

* Gray: ugh, i hate that, Natsu blew up a building again and Erza yelled at the both of us

* Bickslow: thats so rude, do you think i should make another one and send it to them?

* Gray: totally, she knew it wasnt me but i still got scolded

so happy ppl have realized how pretty Gray is, now we’re gonna talk abt it bc im an overachiever

* Hes been scouted by plenty of different modeling agencies over the years, which really boosted his ego but very quickly became annoying as hell bc he never even applied

* He gets a couple a month, and he accepted once just to get them off his back and found it really embarrassing bc he was everywhere

* his friends in and outside the guild bought the magazines he was featured in and teased him mercilessly and he never stepped foot in another agency ever again

* Hes really photogenic but hates gets his photo taken, most of the pictures hes in ‘willingly’ hes glaring at the camera

* he now just blocks the numbers they call him on and throws out the letter they send him, if they stop him on the street he will walk away before the conversation even starts

* when Lucy found out something inside her died a little

* she pestered him about it and said she’ll go with him! he wont even have to take the money for it! she’ll take it! 😁

* she gets shot down every time but that doesnt mean she quit trying

[creepling]

🎓 for an education-themed headcanon for any of the family members, I’m super curious abt ur headcanons for whether any of them went to school / college or anything like that!! oooh and what type of clique they’d have been in if u wanna!’ <3

idk if this will be controversial to say, but my headcanon is that most of the family is illiterate. this mostly applies to the cook, bubba and nubbins. my thought process is that they have basic literary skills, but they were pulled out of school early to work in the slaughterhouse and bring more money into the home. they never went past high school and grandpa sure as hell wasn't encouraging learning in the house, just kill kill kill!! bubba had a hard time at school so he was pulled out earlier, since they gave up on him before giving him a chance due to their attitudes of disabilities at the time. hence why he is still non vocal.

johnny and sissy had a slightly better chance at education. nancy forbidded johnny attending dances/homecomings bc it "involved girls". sissy really hated school and did everything to avoid it, pretending she was heading off but spending the whole day wandering around a field. sissy, however, was the best performing out of all the members despite her horrible attendence. she got good grades in english from her neat handwriting and storytelling, but her grammar and spelling brought her down to an average grade. johnny never played in team sports, but his best subject was gym, and the coach tried to get him to join the track team. johnny never signed up because he thought stuff like that was for "try hards". i also headcanon johnny and sissy were dropouts and never graduated; to the rest of the town, they just fell from the face of the earth.

discregarding all that for a moment i wanna do cliques bc it's fun!!!

young!cook: teacher's pet. not a genius but he loves maths and desperately tried to emulate the popular kids and their 'polished' looks. spoke highly of teachers and students alike, but people thought he was a suck-up and a bit annoying.

nubbins: artsy kid. spends lunch time in the art classroom and makes sculptures. he's also a little bit of a drifter, he's had a hand at every group but gave up when he became a laughing stock to most of them. desperately wants to be a class clown but he just weirds people out.

young!nancy: overachiever/popular. done a lot of masking and covert narcissism so people could like her. wanted to be the smartest, prettiest, funniest, kindest person in the room. and it worked, but resulted in her only 'peaking' in high school.

bubba: the 'invisible' kid. eats lunch with the teachers, no one knows his name or talks to him. also the bully target until they discovered he had the strength of a bull, so they don't mess with him now. spends most of his time by himself, people watching.

sissy: mix of stoner/loner. not open to making friends and avoids socialising as much as possible because no one 'gets her'. considered an 'ugly duckling' in high school. hippie is obvious but i think this is something she grew into when she dropped-out and started hitchiking.

johnny: greaser/bully. a total slacker and hard-head. picks on the little man and speaks ill of the popular kids, everyone is his worst enemy. got attention from girls if they were into the 'bad boy', and he took advantage of it. always getting detention, failing his classes, counting the days when he can leave.

[necros-writing-stuff]

weird question maybe but I'm just kinda stewing sumn here... if darius brother ends up having a child, what are the chances he (dare) ends up... intimately involved with his niece/nephew? you talked a lot abt him and his own child but I wonder if he'd even pursue it if he finds himself attracted to them... maybe if the child doesn't get along with their father so they won't spill the beans regardless?

When I first started writing Dare, I was writing him abusing his niece, and I grabbed those and put them on ao3 here for convenient viewing. Chapters 2, 3, and 4.

Darius feels 0 guilt when it's his nibling he takes. None at all. He isn't close with his brother Marcus, he hates Nicole (his brother's wife). He has seen you, what? Every Christmas and that's it? Maybe some birthdays? He doesn't know you. You're not family to him.

That being said, he knows he has to be smart about it. Nicole is an overbearing, puritanical, overachieving dingbat who pushes all of her insecurities onto you. Making it easy to get you through compliments - just little ones, just telling you that you're doing so well and not to worry about feeling like you're falling behind others your age.

Marcus does as Nicole says, but Dare can see the hate in his eyes. Can see how they stay together because Richard taught them that divorce was shameful the night Molly left Dare. He hates Dare too, for not being role model he always thought he was. But he's scared of Dare, scared and yet a part of him still looks up to him as though he's a child again. He wouldn't say anything if he caught Darius's hand too high on your thigh. He wouldn't say a word if he stood to close to you, his hardening cock pressed to your ass as he whispers in your ear.

You're moving in with Uncle Dare? Nicole's tantrum is all about you running. Running far, far away from the 'truth' that she shoves in your face. Running to useless, drunk, divorced Dare who you'll be just like if you don't listen to her and push harder (or so she says).

Marcus' reaction is... small. A tiny look of shock, then a tight-lipped smile and a nod. Dare's place is smaller than theirs, but with just you and him you'll feel a lot more private than here with the two boys on top of your parents. That's what he'll focus on. You wanting more privacy as you grow. He knows it isn't the truth. Even if your eyes are pleading ones, begging him not to let uncle Dare take you away, he simply says he thinks it'll be good for you.

[sirwow]

Hi wally!

Since you asked me about paian, let me ask you about loghail! What parts of them in canon did you like and how did you end up with your interpretation of them in rdcc :0?

Also as a bonus you can also use this as an opportunity to ramble about hinode and lucia because idr if you've rambled abt them on tumblr much :]

Ooh loghail… Iv got a lot of thoughts about them after reading way too much into how they act. Get ready for autism blast

First Logan. One of the main things that I kinda stuck to when it came to giving him more personality then just “boyfail” is the fact despite us seeing him fail at least 3 times in game and like another 2 in the Middlesea comics, he never gives up. He’s very determined to do something even if it takes him a lot longer then others to do it. It’s why I like to imagine in the baseball arc he was far far from the best player but still stuck to it because his star Lucky was giving him a chance and who was he to turn that down?

Logan also is very much the stereotypical boy character on purpose so I kinda ended up embracing that fact. He’s made special by the fact he’s just a normal dude stuck in a hospital with way weirder things and has to figure out how to navigate that. Makes friends with a random samurai, sneaks into the cafe to vent to the other most normal person, talks to birds. He’s trying his bestest and I love him for that.

Now as for Hailey due to how Iv written her in CC there’s a lot more to say and dig into. First thing that most people might disagree with but what makes CC Hailey well CC Hailey is she is. Really apathetic n aloof and she is probably subconsciously aware of that fact. She can’t wrap her head around why Logan is so wishy washy (it’s called 14yr crippling anxiety sweetie), ditches him with no other words in 3-1n, doesn’t really catch onto Cole having a crush himself, tells Logan to go outside more and get off his phone as a passing joke. There’s probably a few I’m forgetting but yeah. But it’s clear she does care even if she can’t show it in the subtle ways. She makes the baseball team outfits, stitches bears for everyone in the comics, is very patient for Logan despite the wishy washyness.

Though this aloof nature also plays into her being A hypocrite and unintentionally a jerk. Again with all the Logan stuff above n the fact she doesn’t wanna confess just because she feels entitled to Logan doing it as we can tell from the pre-4-4 dialogue. All of this together combined with the blatant “why is there a teenager alone on a train” moment kinda is why I gave her the rough home she has in CC. Her behavior is indicative of normalizing toxic behavior, fear of losing stuff again, and having extreme independence for a 13-15yr. Going alone across the desert in a train at that age is not normal behavior nor is just talking to random strangers. lovingly. So alas she’s got the bad home life that’s forced her to be dependent on herself- giving her sass and a bit of a high horse but low empathy and unfamiliarity with normal social ques. Also probably some autism in there lol

As for them as a couple there’s not too much else then me wanting to see them improve for the better. Logan growing a spine for himself at the mistreatment and Hailey stopping being so flippant with everything in their relationship. They’re still working off each other through the unknown and strange situations they’re thrown in and love each other more for sticking by.

Now then I’m probably just going to do Lucia alone because while I love you Hino there’s still a lot of writing that needs to happen in that area hehe. Consider this the kid trio explaining.

So Lucia, she’s only got one level to work with and there’s really not much we get from it other then she’s a talented artist for her age (same range as Logan n Hailey) and she’s into video games because of the end text. Therefore I made everything about her up based off vibes alone.

As a result Lucia in CC is an overachiever, straight A student with very well off hardworking parents. Her father a famous Middlesea architect and her mother a entomologist (bug scientist). Lucia however is also generally the victim of her own made stress and why she’s in the hospital sometimes for both anxiety and a racing heart. (And why she’s got both SVT type beats and overlapping classics). Was always a loner kid more interested in the recess bugs and books then ever playing but still kept a keen eye on all the drama going on. One day when Logan hid behind her from bullies during recess she scared them off with a handful of bugs. He didn’t seem too scared of them and he was quiet so Lucia let him stick around till Logan n Lucia became a bit attached to each other’s sides as the weird lonely kid best friends.

Opinion on Hailey is a nice friendly surface level but at the core their personalities clash hard. Lucia doesn’t get how she can be so apathetic and unaware sometimes when she herself notices every little social cue she can almost obsessively. Her not being the greatest to Logan also makes Lucia iffy but remains cordial and friendly to try and understand her better. Though being again, 14 there’s some things she just doesn’t know enough about to notice.

So yeah that’s the basic tldr on these three and Hinode will have to wait another day for if someone asks about all the characters families sob. Thank you so much for the ask the brain rot sure is rotting <33

[infraaa]

O h

✨F u c k✨

𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐘 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐈

affogato cookie x gn!reader

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖 • • •

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 • • •

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 • • • ❥❥❥

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 • • •

tw // character injury, graphic violence, implied ptsd episode, slight gore I suppose, and it's just a tad bit suggestive with red velvet in the beginning, but it's nothing too heavy.

【cw // affos goin through it now. It's hella angsty so just a little warning abt that.】

TAKE CAUTION UNDER THE CUT

BOLT!

Cold sweats, panting, clutching his chest… he looked around at his surroundings. It’s light outside and the birds quietly chirped. Looking at his hands did he realize that he only had a nightmare. A bad dream. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he laid back down and turned to hug you… except you weren’t in the bed. He hugged the blankets which made up whatever warmth you left over. “Y/n?” He sheepishly called out. He looked more closely… he made a fool of himself. After realizing you weren’t there, he sat back up and rubbed his eyes. 

Cutting over in the kitchen, you sit at an empty kitchen table with a cup of coffee, when Red Velvet approaches you. He puts his hand on the wood beside you, and the smell of buttercream fills your nose. “I can tell you’re upset.” He says sleepily, his voice still drunk with sleep. He takes a chair and sweeps it backwards and plops down onto it. “Babe.” Red Velvet said in the midst of the stillness. What did he just call you? You turned to him, taking a sip of coffee. Rubbing his lips together with a sharp inhale, he grazed his claws gently on the table. “I think you should talk to him at some point. I get that you’re nervous, you're unsure, you may even be afraid to confront him maybe, but I do recommend that you talk to him about how you feel.” You blinked, settling his words in the peaceful morning silence, and after a second you wrapped your hands around your mug and let your skin embrace its warmth. “What if I don’t want to right now?” “I’m not saying you have to talk to him now, I’m saying at some point.” He paused in the middle of his sentence to confront himself.

He doesn’t want a casual conversation.

It’s seven in the morning. You’re here, he’s here… everyone else as far as you both know are still asleep…

He scoots his chair over a bit to where he’s closer to you.  Putting his arms on the table and resting on them, he continues to pour his blue eyes into yours. You take a drink of your coffee and look back at him. He had a certain look in eyes, something you’ve never seen in him. His eyes looked softer. Was it because he was tired? It had to be. You dismissed this soft puppy dog look he was giving and went to get up when you felt his clawed hand creep onto your fingers, making you freeze in place. You looked back at him with a question in your eyes. “What?” “Talk to me.” Compelled to say no, you took a breath. “I–” You stopped yourself for a second. Was he trying to comfort you? Was he trying to get you to vent to him? Did he just want you here? You slowly sat back down in your seat at the table. Looking at him, you furrowed your eyes. Looking at your phone, you saw the time. 7:05. “About yesterday,” you started, then pausing again to drink your coffee, “did you agree with Licorice?” He took a second to think, his head slowly raising back up from its resting position on his arms.

“I think…” He said. “You think–” “Wait, give me a second.”

Oh so he wasn’t finished.

“I think so, yes. When I met him through my mother, which she just brought him in to fill the hole that Dark Choco made when he made the choice to disband, He seemed… off. I don’t know, he didn’t have the same visions as we did. He wasn’t interested in rebuilding the world like we do, he was interested in claiming it. But he had a very particular way of wanting to achieve that and at first tried to undermine me because of my status at the Tower.” Okay, so this was intriguing. Call Affogato an overachiever, sure. But call others out to get ahead? Seemed normal. Strangers? Huh… You got up for a second, “Here, let me get you some coffee. How do you take it?” He looked up at you. ‘Black. Black and strong as night.” You nodded. “Anyways, what do you mean by ‘undermine you?’” Red Velvet sighed, eyeing you as you stood at the counter getting a mug out of the cabinet. “So… he tried to make himself look like a better person by trying to build a sense of morale or respect… Truth be told, he started with me. I run the tower, I'm responsible for all the cake monsters. He tried to say that I wasn’t a fit leader because of my own visions. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that my mother was always a radical thinker in the light that she just wishes to see Earthbread crumble. I want to make it new, so that there is no segregation. No differences– equality, sameness, you know?” 

His ego is large, what the fuck… and Red didn’t even have to do anything.

“It just sounds like he needs to mind his own business. He can be pretty nosy at times.” “Pretty nosy alright, yeah.” He got up and started walking towards you. “And the whole Creme Republic Incident? He blamed me for not being there when he didn’t even know me at the time.” You started pouring his coffee into his mug when you felt his warm arms drape over the countertop in front of you. You saw his hands and exhaled, feeling the warmth of his body come close to you. “You did, you knew I was there.”

You remembered joining the Cookies of Darkness long before Affogato did. During your training you grew close with Red Velvet as a personal trainer. He saw your growth in his army, and how you treated his cakes. He admired you for your sense of justice and compassion, and if you were there, you managed to soften his sharp edges just a bit. But this also led to you developing a friendship with him outside of work. Your mind raced about the times you two would both sneak out, go hang out in the forests, play with the cakes… you two would always have a good time when you both would hang out, away from everyone else.

You saw his fingers snake around the granite of the countertop slowly, almost like actual snakes stalking down prey. Feeling the push of the air leaving his nose at the crown of your head, and upon looking down you see that his fingers intertwine with each other. His arms have wrapped themselves around your hips, and all the sudden, you could feel your breathing pick up. You turned towards him, his fingers unlocking for a second before moving back to their locked position. “What are you doing?” You asked, hushed…

Don’t wake anyone.

Don’t wake anyone.

Don’t. Wake. Anyone.

“What am I doing?” He asked with a coyish smile. Holy shit. That was the only thing that was racing through your mind. “I like you, that’s what I’m trying to do. With that, he quickly moved his hands to your sides, pulling your body to his, making you gasp. Putting his normal hand then to your cheek you stare at him— wide eyed. “Red… this is wrong, we shouldn’t-“ you said hesitantly, moving one of your hands to his chest. He smiled, closing his eyes for a brief second. “Are you listening to me?” “Of course I am. I know this is wrong…” With a swift move of his hand back down, he kissed your lips– as you lightly took hold of his forearm. You moaned with slight discomfort in the kiss, squeezing at his arm gently.

This is wrong.

This is very wrong.

Letting go of your lips he took your chin in his two normal fingers and lifted your reddened head to look him in the eye. “But you can’t need without a want.” You bore into his eyes with confusion. Sure, Affogato would have these moments with you, quite literally all the time. He was known to be passionate and clingy at times, but his love language was exactly that– acts of service and physical contact. Red Velvet however…

You felt as though in the past you could trust Affogato.

You feel as if now you can trust Red Velvet. 

At this point, your mind is racing. Do you want to continue with this? Do you want to potentially get caught by someone? It would mean utter chaos if Affogato caught you. But with these suffocating thoughts came ones of fire. Setting off firecrackers in your heart and butterflies flying amok in your stomach, it was almost like temptation by the serpent that lended Eve the apple and beckoned to take a bite; just a bite, just a nibble. Just what were your feelings towards Red Velvet?

As you were contemplating this decision, you felt the crimson general lean down to kiss your jawline, then your neck, going down to your shoulders and back up again, taking his hands and slowly going up and down your sides. You took a breath and leaned into him. Was the feeling of pressure and heated passion getting to your head? Like blood rushing up while you would hang upside down? Was it dizzying? Your hand autonomously moved up into his red and black bed hair, leaning into him with a quiet sigh. Recognizing your new twisted sense of consent, he picked you up and placed you on the countertop for easier access. Wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, you could feel his hands creep down underneath your top as he kissed you, feeling at your now warm skin, blushed with rouge. In the heat of the moment did he attempt to lift your top up. You pushed him away to put a finger to his nose. “No no..” You said teasingly. He smirked at you.

God damn. He just won’t behave.

He sure is cute though.

You both resumed and after a few moments you both heard the sound of a door open. Reality came back to greet you with a vengeance as you then reacted fast, a little too fast for Red Velvet’s liking. You quickly pushed him off of you and hopped off the countertop, ushering out of the kitchen as fast as a hare. He looked back at you as you scampered off, scurrying back somewhere. He smiled and put a finger to his bottom lip. He took a drink of his now lukewarm coffee sitting beside the coffee pot as his cerulean eyes took to a lustful sheen. “Red, what the fuck are you doing?” Licorice stood at the entryway to the kitchen with crossed arms. He turned his head to look at the necromancer, daring not to move his body around. “Coffee.” “Yeah whatever, just let me get my tea.” He quickly moved over to go get his morning cup of tea, walking over to a cabinet to get his box of tea sachets when he saw a silhouette in Red’s pants. He gave Red Velvet a disgusted look. “I swear to the fucking witches. Bruh it's too early for this.” He walked off after putting his tea away.

Later on after you quickly showered, getting the scent of Red Velvet off of your body and washing him out of your mouth, you could smell your boyfriend walking into the room, the sweet smell of vanilla and coffee filling your nose. You suddenly felt an immense feeling of heavy guilt and shame. He truly did nothing to you, he didn’t deserve to be cheated on. “Good morning, amour.” He said to you as he hugged you from behind as you put on your body spray. “Good morning dear, watch your nose.” He backed up for you and then as you finished, you could feel him cling back on you. “So, what are the plans for today?” Latte said she wants to go out again, I said I digress, I would rather not waste gas.” You nodded, agreeing with him. Gas sure did cost a pretty penny. “So… staying in?” You asked. He nodded. He looked at you as you finished in the mirror. You wanted nothing more than to get away from him as quickly as you could– the guilt was starting to become overbearing, eating you alive like a parasite. Even the glow of your ring light was making your eyes hurt. Affogato on the other hand looked at you through the mirror.

Say something.

Say. Something, Affogato Cookie.

His knee twitched, and with that he cleared his throat. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.” You looked at him, getting your attention was always easy for him to do. “Sure, what is it–” “Y/N! Breakfast!” You could hear Latte call out. “Oh!” You suddenly looked out the door, and started to head out. “We can talk later, come on.” He put his hand up and smiled politely. “I’m alright… thanks.”

At the dinner table, everyone except Affogato gathered for breakfast. As everyone was eating, Licorice and Red Velvet had finished early and were on their phones. Red got a look from Espresso that read discontent. “Why… why are you on your phone at the table? Put it down, that’s bad table etiquette.” “Blow it out your ass four eyes, Pomegranate Cookie is texting me about Chiffon, my dog. He got an ear infection shortly after I left and I asked Pomegranate to look after him and tell me about any developments.”

A sudden, extremely believable lie.

Espresso shrugged and continued eating. “Oh, the poor puppy!” Latte exclaimed, “I hope your dog gets better!” He only nodded, the reply swooshy sound coming from his phone.

bitch ass motherfucker w a small dick – Today 9:26

『wth was goin on this morning in the kitchen?』

He smirked and started typing again. Licorice’s phone then vibrated on the surface of the table. He checked it.

E-thot man whore w gay highlights – Today 9:26

『you always somehow wanna be in my business where you clearly dont belong smdh anyways since you asked I now have torturer’s rights.』

bitch ass motherfucker w a small dick – Today 9:27

『naur. sTOP.』

E-thot man whore w gay highlights – Today 9:27

『bih naur??? ugly cries anyway i was abt to get some fuck unlike you w your greasy ass hair bfffthahah』

He looked up at Red Velvet with a plain face and he returned the look. “You get on my fucking nerves.”

“Naur? Really Licorice?”

“FUCKING NAUR.”

“NAUR.”

“NAAAAAAURRRR.”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO FUCKING TALKING ABOUT?” Affogato yelled out from the living room. Red snorted under his breath and put his phone in his pocket, dismissing himself from the table before walking behind you and giving you a quick head pat. Affogato walked into the kitchen and saw you and everyone else finishing breakfast. He took Red Velvet’s empty seat at the table, eyeing everyone as they ate. “What was all that?” “Don’t worry about it, they were annoying each other.” Latte said as she finished up. “And me.” Espresso groaned.

The rest of the day went on without incident… however you never spoke to Affogato, leading him into a state of paranoia. He refused to eat after a few days, the pain was killing him. You presumed that he may have wanted space, but that only made it worse in his head. All he wanted was to talk to you. That’s all he wanted really, and the coldness in his bed made him feel weak and useless. He wanted you. You.

You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. 

You were driving him c  r  a  z  y.

At one in the morning, you heard someone crying. Waking up, you opened your bedroom door to see little black, dots on the floor. You lowered down to see what this was, and upon closer inspection it looked like ink from a black pen that busted. Following the little splotches on the floor you were led to the bathroom. The inky like substance gathered at the crack at the door, puddling there. Opening the door, the smell of ink was so… overpowering you covered your nose. It was in the toilet, on the toilet seat, the handles of the sink, the countertop, the shower curtain, the walls…

It was everywhere.

You gently took hold of the bathroom curtain with a concerned look on your face. “Affogato?” You called out, which made him immediately stop crying. Holding his breath, not making a sound, he felt his breath gather up in his chest and throat, making him cough and gargle. You open the shower curtain to see Affogato, his clothes soiled with the black substance from the collar of his shirt down. He was panting– you could see the ink in his teeth. His fingers, straight down to his nails– loosely coated in liquid black as he shook gently, sitting in a now completely stained bathtub with splatters of whiter leaking through the black shiny mass that was this sticky thick liquid. “Oh witches…” you muttered under his breath. “My… my magic… I can’t– I can’t use my abilities anymore.” He whined as he curled up in the bathtub. “Affogato,” you whispered, crouching down carefully, making sure not to slip on the tile floor. “I think you should talk to me–” “I’ve been trying to do that for the past THREE. FUCKING. DAYS.”

He spat the viscous black liquid at you, clearly now in a state of anger. Do you really want to get served now? Oh god, what would he do..?

It had to come out.

“Listen, just listen to me honey…” You tried to reach out to him but he grimaced backwards against the shower wall. “Listen… about… about the day we went to the shopping center, I went with Licorice and Red Velvet, and we went into a winter boutique… he pulled me into the bathroom and he started talking about you.”

Spilling the beans, you could slowly see his eyes widen. He heard all the things about how he was an untrustworthy liar, how he was irresponsible, how he was narcissistic like his mother… god that one hurt like a bitch. He didn’t mind it personally, he’s heard gossip and rumors about him countless times before. But, for Licorice to tell you these things about him, making you avoid him… what if they were lying? What if they didn’t like him anymore?

What if… he wasn’t good enough..?

Do you dare tell him about yesterday morning?

You had to.

“And… yesterday in the kitchen… Red Velvet… um…” You could already see it in his poor off white eyes– his whole childhood was flashing through his eyes. “Oh god, this is gonna piss you off…” You swallowed the large lump in your throat, wondering how you should reword this. His eyebrows began to furl. “Why? Why? Why why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywh…” he started to murmur to himself as he gripped his hair. “What, y/n what?! WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!”

“I’m trying to think this through, give me a second!” “Think what through?!” 

It came out wrong. He overwhelmed your mind and your senses were clouded with nothing but the stench of xylene and alcohol, and the ink only seemed to seep deeper into your surroundings… manifesting something from the drain of the tub. Small little dark purple and black rivlets of ink started to gather and clot at the base of the drain, thickening into worm like shapes. “He…”

His hands shook as he started to let out this blood curdling scream, sending you back against the now closed bathroom door, slamming shut and knocking the back of your head.

“You will never amount to anything. You are a worthless child, and I will always blame you for why your father left for that goddamn waste of space whore…”

And after a few seconds of silence, the door busted back open, this time with a very concerned Latte, Espresso, Licorice, and Red Velvet waiting behind it. As soon as he saw Red Velvet and Licorice, his eyes suddenly filled with rage… and the room, the room started to fill with this dark mauve lavender smoke as he began to cough violently, spitting up ink from his cried out throat, dying of heat and burning from the chemicals. Hissing could be heard, and a large worm-like entity rose out of the smog, purple glowing eyes staring back at you and the others hungrily, fueled by the same rage that its host held. It picked him up slightly, allowing him to slightly levitate off the surface of the bathtub. Smaller snakes similar to the large one slithered out of the bathtub, hissing as they did so. A few snakes stayed behind and latched themselves to Affogato’s shoulders.

And after the smog cleared and his coughing subsided, the lot of you backed away… terrified of the figure that was floating before them. Focused on Red Velvet’s form solely, slithering out of the bathtub with the mercy of the large serpent behind him, hissing like a bomb about to go off… and that’s what Affogato has become– a ticking time bomb about to explode…

“REEEED VELVEEEEET!”

Launching out of the bathroom, the lot of you separated like ants. Red Velvet took you by the arm and quickly charged upstairs. “GET A FUCKING GUN, GET A GUN RED, HE’S LOST HIS MI-” “Ohhhh��. Oh Licorice! Don’t think you aren’t gonna get it either!” The large serpent summons Affogato’s staff out of its mouth, purple slime emitting from its tongue, covering it in the gooey substance that was similar to the inkblot that was created in the bathroom. With maniacal laughter, he slammed down on the ground with his newly found staff, spears stabbing down at the wooden floor, cracking as the ink pours in the hole, summoning a torrent of snakes. The shockwave of the small blast that his staff made upon impact of the floor sent Licorice backwards, falling onto the sofa, and as soon as he was trying to get up, he saw the tip of the longest spear at the end of the staff at his chest, prodding at the fabric and the very miniscule fibers of his clothes. But before he could plunge his staff into Licorice’s chest, he felt a hard bonk to his shoulder, briefly sending the large serpent back on its side for a brief moment before it stood back up with a slight grunt. He turned, only to see his youngest sister wielding a baseball bat in her hands, teary eyed as she tried to hit the large serpent again, but missed in the process, only hitting Affogato’s staff instead.

“NICE SHOT!”

 The purple swirls at the top of his staff were stained black, no longer emitting the purple sheen that it once did. “Latte Cookie, watch out!” Espresso exclaimed as he toppled his older sister before she could be hit by his staff. “You alright?” She nodded, shaking slightly. They both look up at the now corrupted cookie, while then for a second, Espresso looks back towards Red Velvet Cookie, who came back down the stairs with you in one arm and a gun in the other. “WHAT DID YOU DO?” Espresso yelled out. “I have no idea!” 

“FEEL MY WRAAAATH! AAAAA HAHAHAHAHA!”

Slamming his staff down onto the ground, he conjures up even more snakes, and they slither to find their way towards Licorice Cookie’s legs, slithering around them and leaving a nasty train of black inky slime behind, tying Licorice down and rendering him unable to move. He tried to do the same with Red Velvet Cookie, but was rendered unsuccessful when he swatted away the pesky little snakes with the barrel of the gun. 

“Wait, I think I know what’s wrong with him!” Latte said as she hurriedly moved over towards Licorice Cookie. Espresso Cookie followed her close behind, urging you and Red Velvet Cookie to follow suit. Suddenly, Latte Cookie used a shield to protect the lot of you as you bunched up in your little group. A brown and cream colored book then came to her as it opened, flipping through pages. “I think this is something called an overblot.” Espresso looked over his older sister’s shoulder with curiosity. “Overblot? The… the heck is a-an overblot?” “Licorice choked out through the grasp of the snake, coughing. You quickly tried to untangle the snakes from Licorice’s body, only for them to multiply and hiss at you. “An overblot… according to this passage,” Latte started as she flipped through pages, regaining her place in the book and sliding her finger down the off white page, “is a type of monster that births from a magic user that overuses their magic to the point of it becoming unstable,” she read, “magic users normally overblot due to many factors, however a few signature causes include trauma, extreme stress, or an excess in negative energy blotting something called a “magic wand.” Each overblot monster has an attached entity in which it takes representation of the overblot monster, often in the form of a person or an animal.” Affogato screamed as he hit away at the shield that formed above you with his staff in an attempt to break it, hitting away at it again and again… not stopping for anything. Red Velvet held you with the gun in his hands belting you to him by your stomach. “How the hell do we stop him?!” Latte than frantically flipped through the paragraphs on the page, looking up to see small cracks in the shield she formed, spreading outward with each hit like gentle glass breaking.

“We… we have to wait for his magic to deplete completely… but we can help this go by quicker by… fighting him. The more magic he uses, the quicker it will deplete. And no, Red Velvet, you’re not shooting my brother.” Well, someone told me to go get a gun–” 

“I have no need for siblings like you, who have failed to protect me and stand by me, and your flaws give me ADEQUATE cause… to send you lot to the ENDS OF EARTH TO ROT!” With one final hit, the shield broke, shattering into itty bitty pieces around and on you, leaving micro cuts on your skin. You saw sickened eyes, eyes of white surrounded in a deep sclera sea of black, ink dripping from his lower lashline like mascara running. A smile from ear to ear as he laid eyes on his targets, Red Velvet and Licorice Cookie… and then his siblings… and last… maybe even you. “Red Velvet, I need you to use the gun to untangle Licorice so he can help; us with his magic! For now, Latte and I will hold Affogato off.” Red Velvet nodded, and while keeping you close, he turned the safety of the gun off and cocked it, shooting each snake, watching them wither into puddles of black ink, staining Licorice’s cloak. “Don’t shoot me!” Licorice yelled.

Espresso and Latte had a pair of catalysts that floated next to them, using their respective magic against Affogato to repel him away to aid Red Velvet in getting Licorice free. When Coffee and Latte magic collide, the effects of the collision are almost monstrous in heat and intensity. Beams of coffee and milk surrounded Affogato, trying to strain him of movement, entrapping him in a circle of Solomon. “Now! Go! He can’t move!” Red Velvet urged, pulling Licorice up on his feet. Summoning his scythe, his dead, pale colored eyes bleated as they bore into Affogato’s distraught form. “Now! Come forth, my servants!” Standing behind the two coffee siblings, he slammed his scythe down on the floor, summoning a legion of shadowy, goopy creatures with glowing gold eyes that seemed to be at Licorice’s command. “Go forth, my beasts!” He yelled, gesturing to them to attack Affogato, and at the simple command did they charge forward in small groups in different directions, from the left, right and center… all to surround Affogato in the coff like key that held him in place..

But that only lasted for a brief moment when a torrent of ink spilled through the circle, trying to slow the licorice creatures in their mini stampede of sorts. The little minions however broke some parts of the circle in an effort to intercept Affogato, climbing onto his ankles to hold him down. “Everyone! Go!” Licorice yelled, Latte and Espresso stepped back, catalysts still in hand as they tried to repel Affogato using their own respective magic spells, however, that only did so much to him. With the two siblings and the licorice minions, the small snakes started fighting off the minions one by one, biting down on them and paralyzing them. The snakes would absorb the magic from the minions, which would replenish Affogato of his dark magic. He suddenly began to cackle, a deep cackle as he shot his staff outward, a large lavender beam coming from it. It split in two and managed to hit both Espresso and Latte with incredible force, sending them out of the cabin into the snowy yard outside with rough crashes onto the frozen ground.

He turned over to the necromancer at his very right, who beckoned you to go out to help the coffee siblings outside. Red Velvet stepped forward, gun in hand as he directed the barrel and chamber to the floor. “Affogato, please snap out of it!” Red Velvet yelled out, “we know you’re in pain right now, you’re in severe psychological distress and we get it, but at least–” “Why should I hold back anymore?! You tried to take the ONLY THING, the ONLY COOKIE in my life that seemed to matter to me, and YOU… tried to tear me and them APART!

“I WILL NO LONGER BE STOLEN FROM!”

The snakes charged at Red Velvet first, causing him to shoot at the snakes, which did some harm to Affogato. Licorice summoned more of his minions, then looked at how the snakes acted. His eyes widened all the sudden, as things started to clear up. The snakes acted as mini conduits of energy and magic that replenish Affogato! And they all seemed to be born from…

“The glass snake behind him… that’s it!” Licorice shouted, alerting Red Velvet next to him. “We have to destroy the snake behind Affogato!” Red Velvet smiled, aiming his gun at it to take a shot. However, upon shooting the snake, the bullet only seemed to ricochet off the glass into a window. “The glass that makes up the snake looks like it’s bulletproof!” Red Velvet shouted.  “A simple bullet will not be able to break the glass!” Suddenly, Affogato took his staff and swung it at Licorice’s head, swiftly sending him into the entertainment center. Screaming he put his hand to his hand only to see blood riveting out onto his pale fingers. Fresh blood dripped from the newly found spikes adorning the sides of the staff. Red Velvet attempts to shoot the glass snake again, making the dark cookie cry out in pain. The second bullet would ricochet into the television on the wall. But… the second bullet left a tiny, very fine crack. His eyes widened as he went over to protect Licorice who sat on the floor, bleeding heavily. “Affogato, stop!” He smiled manically and raised his staff high in the air, preparing to swing at Red Velvet, cornering him against the other injured cookie. Perfect timing… you, Espresso, and Latte entered the cabin, slightly reddened and bruised from the snow, and saw the state of the two cookies against the entertainment center. “THE SNAKE!” Red Velvet yelled, “YOU HAVE TO BREAK–” Affogato swung roughly at Red Velvet, cutting him off and sending him into a violent scream. Stopping for a second, he started to giggle once more, he descended into insane laughter and started to bludgeon the two cookies under him, the snakes taking over their bodies to absorb their blood and strength. “STOP HIM!” Espresso yelled. The three of you attempted to intercept Affogato from three sides, with Espresso taking the snake in a chokehold and performing a boiling spell on it. Then, he noticed the fine crack.

“Latte, get the baseball bat you had!” She looked up to her younger brother who was in the process of heating the glass of the snake in an attempt to enlarge the crack. “The glass…” you muttered. “Red Velvet was trying to shoot the glass. We have to break the glass of the snake! Latte, you can use your magic to aid Espresso in heating the layers of the glass!” Espresso shook his head. “No, we have to use a lot more force to break the glass. Our magic can only do so much!” You ran off with Latte to get some bats, while Espresso stayed behind, jumping off to hit the snake with a beam of coffee magic, making Affogato wince. Summoning more snakes out of inky puddles, they slithered quickly towards Espresso Cookie, who levitated off the floor with his catalyst. The snakes gripped at the tail of his cape with their fangs, Flipping through the pages, he smiled at Affogato, who was prepping his staff once more. “Oh, so you wish to go down with them, little brother?” He asked, his voice laden with poisonous intent. “That voice… so familiar. So bitter…!” Espresso expressed as he shot a torrent of coffee beans in Affogato’s direction, pinning him up against the wall, like small needles. His eyes focused in on the crown  of the snake’s head, preparing to shoot a beam of magic at it when all the sudden, Affogato charged forward and suspended his younger brother to a window, holding him by the neck with his staff. The snakes start to slither up the wall, closing in on Espresso’s head.

“You've always tried to outsmart me, always tried to get me into trouble, frame me for things you obviously did, made my life hell and you always got away with it like you’re so much better than me… you have no right to disrespect me any further… matter of fact…” Using the staff to forcefully lift Espresso’s chin upward painfully, the snakes blinded him, sliding over his eyes. “You won’t be able to harm me any further… you’ll be dead.”

“Nice thought!”

SLAM!

[scarletlilyy]

Main Text

Most people that claim they desire Academic Validation are really just suckers for human validation and I'm one of them.

I'm currently experiencing major burnout and I've realized it's because my motivation to succeed has never really been valid. Don't get me wrong I love the pursuit of knowledge for the most part but I think I've always loved academic validation more cus it's the only sort of validation I receive from other people

I'm known as this holy grail genius at my school and in reality I feel like a fraud. Especially right now as my grades are getting worse by the second, I can't even begin to go into detail but I'm getting marks I never thought I'd get and my only thought is "What would people think".

I'm scared and afraid of disappointing everyone around me cus ppl expect sm and no one say it's in my head. Cus once I told a friend of mine I got a 91 on the math exam and they were very clearly disappointed and surprised.

It was so disheartening and I feel like my entire worth has been based on my grades because that's the only thing that has ever made me worthy of attention from others.

Nonetheless I want to break free from this constant search of validation, I want to enjoy the bliss of success without it being connected to someone else.

End of Main Text

**********************

Beginning of yap - Feel free to skip

I don't know how to get it but it's part of getting out of this horrible rot I'm in right now.

I think the main part is building discipline and self love.

Heavy on the self love because I'm so self conscious lately, I've always been hyper aware of my looks and now I feel worse about it knowing my intellect isn't making up for it in any way.

I think I've been concerned with seeming smart rather than actually being smart and honestly you can blame me because perception is a bitch.

I'm not going to lie to myself here but I feel like even with every bit of self love perception is still important. I'm very much a leader and someone who likes to get involved wherever I am. Especially at school I'm always participating despite my depreciating grades.

I faced the repercussions of negative perception in my middle school grad year. I had really wanted Valedictorian and didn't get it cus most people including my teacher didn't like me very much. I don't blame them but it made me very hyper aware of people's views of me.

No I am not a people pleaser and I probably will never be, I do not wish to be viewed as the perfect kind person and I still very much set my boundaries without being mean. But all In all I try my best to make sure I'm respected and seen as smart. So far in high school that has worked, most people see me as smart.

The imposter syndrome kicks in even more when I'm surrounded by clearly smarter students, which is a part of the reason I didn't go to a competitive school.

I don't actively avoid smarter people though, I still respect and hold them to high honor. Even at my current school there are people I think are smarter than me and I admire them greatly (only the nice ones).

But in a room full of overachievers I feel overshadowed and there's no denying that.

Now that was a lot of yapping abt self esteem and perception but the real main cause of my current situation is my phone obsession.

It's sad to admit that my attention span has decreased, my sleep schedule is extremely fucked and there might be no saving me.

I don't remember the last time I've gone through a whole week sleeping early and not going on my phone at night. It's quite sad and I'm afraid to admit that I am addicted.

Right now it's 1:40am and that says a lot.

Now that we've addressed that, we'll talk about my plans to change.

Truth be told, I've planned to "change" a bunch of times but I never really execute the plan or held it for long and that is the case for a lot of things in my life. I love to plan but I never go through with any plans of mine

I think it's because I've never truly "wanted" something, which leads me back to the original point of his yap session. My motivations and want.

To succeed you really have to want it at all cost.

And I want it but do i want it badly? I don't know.

Right now the issue is, I'm too comfortable with myself and where I am. Always on my bed with my phone, afraid of any sort of discomfort and avoiding work.

My mind isn't willing to leave this state of false comfort and yet I keep facing the consequences of my actions.

I'm beyond disappointed in myself and I'm using this as a reflection period to really understand what I can do to change.

am I still scared I'm gonna remain stagnant and useless? yes. But will I try? yes.

This weekend I'm gonna ponder on all these thoughts more and really reevaluate my motivations in life.

I have life goals already, I know what I'm gonna do and I know what to do.

The problem is doing it.

[areamodell]

dropping my lore bc i’m bored and want a recap

i will like always wonder why me and my parents never had a healthy relationship w eachother. idk if it was bc my parents js decided to split up when i was only 4 or what but i kinda never had a good relationship w either of them…🤔

when i was younger (like i said, 4), my parents split up and i wanted to be w my mom more bc i love my mom and when i was around 7 she got a bf and had my brother, wtv. but a year or 2 after having my brother they started having issues and argued literally almost every chance they got and it was bc of smth dumb i swear. and then my mom js disappeared to oklahoma from 2017-2021 and i quite literally didn’t know what was happening. at the time i was living with my dad so yeahhh

and i didn’t like living with my dad bc i was always scared of him and i was always intimidated by what would happen if i got a bad grade and to this day im lowk still scared to ask for help w anything. whether its grades or anything bc when i was in 1st grade my dad wanted me to be an overachiever. so everyday after school i obvi had hw and i sat in the living room w him and he’d help me. i think u can assume what would happen everytime he got mad but if its not obvious, he’d yell, sometimes smack me, and lowk be messing up my hw paper. so like id obviously be scared of him

when my mom came back from oklahoma or wtv i went back w her but the apartment i was living w my step dad, brother, and mom, was literally empty, like they ditched it when my mom came back. and my mom literally went crazy for awhile. and to sum up her crazy was basically going to court often, filing kidnapping papers(cs my step dad took my brother too when they ditched the apartment), and not being able to provide a good childhood since she had no money. so i was an basically an akward 10 year old at the time both scared of my parents. when i was 10 or 11 i was in the car w my mom and she was kinda js talking on the phone and i don’t remember what it was abt but i told her like “i got sa’d by grandpa” and when i told her she was obviously surprised and im time skipping a little but she asked her dad which is the grandpa and overall, nothing was charged bc i had no proof and bc it happend a long time ago when i was 4.

my dad was an overall good guy w a bad temper so yeah when he’d get mad he would be really really mad. but i’m glad he’s a changed guy and i could talk to him sometimes.

my mom is doing okay now too. in 2022 she got a truck driving job so good for her. but i hate that i can’t even have the mother daughter relationship like other girls my age. like yeah i wanna tell her all the drama at school, yes i wannna trust her with my relationship status and who i like, but i can’t without her telling my dad. so BOOM trust a little broken. but it’s so uncomfortable at her house when i go over on weekends because i just feel like a roommate bc she makes me pay for my own stuff. like when we go out i pay for my own food and clothes and wtv, and restaurants too. so i kinda js get sad when i think abt it bc i kinda js wanna be treated like her kid instead of a grown up. and it honestly doesnt make it better that my brother gets her undivided attention and all i get was a good job. not trying to sound ungrateful but yeah. at first when i was able to see her, she tried to bribe me with gifts as if to be won over by it but i js wish i had a childhood.

me and my dads relationship is okay. we arnt close but we talk, but he doesn’t get me like that. like i wish my mom could js listen and give me advice as if we been bsf for years.

[nectardaddy]

sunflower and marigold but specifically from ur hcs!!

also im sorry it took me so long to ask you ur response got buried :( but I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION I WAS HOPING U WERE IN A SUGA MOOD

if you guys teach at the same school, do ur students know abt ur relationship? or is a secret thing? how do they react when they find out? do you guys come and bother each others classes or keep it just for yourselves? any and all details are welcome pls talk as long as u want

also also i have another one not related to teaching

if you guys were to spend a night out, what would it look like? do u get fancy or is it casual? what are you doing? how long are you out? is it a one activity thing or a bunch of stuff together? how often do you go out? once again any and all details okay thank you

self ship asks !

get ready for a novel molly ily

I just did sunflower here

marigold - what is your favorite picture, video, and/or moment of your f/o?

ok this may be cheating but I have multiple ok- one picture I adore is us graduating college together <33 (he had more chords than me and no I'm still not over that- fucking overachiever uGH) but a picture that is us in our adult lives now that I love is one that probably hinata or his friends took of us. at a bar and completely unwarranted but the way he's looking at me molly <333 moment is hands down when he told me he was going to marry me one day in college hehe

ok now onto the teacher stuff!!

yes we do work at the same school!! and I know wild youth is both of us being 5th grade teachers, but I genuinely see him teaching younger grades like 2nd or maybe even kinder instead (god speed to him could never be me) the little kids don't give af about us but my 5th graders are NOSY and ask wayyyy too many questions about it. it's not that it's a secret per say but we definitely don't talk about it much. usually he leaves it to me to tell my students if I want to because 2nd graders don't care at all like "ok cool when's lunch??" so he just stopped telling them lmao. usually depends on the class if I tell them or not, some kids I know will ask WILD questions so I may not say one year but it depends! I also think it's cute that most would've had him in 2nd as well!! some kids that really enjoyed having him will stop by his room on the way to mine and ask <33 like "how was your weekend??? what did you guys do??"

ok non-teaching related stuff!!

a lot of our outings are super casual! keeping to wild youth, I think we would do something similar and go out on friday for a drink and just RANT about the school week to get it out of system. but straying away from teaching stuff, we LOVE a good winery or museum!! art museums when we're not exhausted are always so fun!! and sometimes we may go thrifting as well!! (we barely do this. we can't be trusted to not spend a lot of money.) we'll do maybe one fancy date a year?? it's also expensive so we'll probably save up for it so we can actually enjoy ourselves (teacher salary woes I'm crying) so we mainly stick to casual!! we also love hanging out with his hs friends! whenever hinata or noya are in town you can bet we are 10000% going out with them! asahi may come over sometimes too (not the biggest fan of him character wise but he is wholesome and I do love that) he's like us and likes to keep things really casual and we'll usually all end up getting hammered a side note for getting hammered: hinata and I have most definitely have drinking competitions where he ALWAYS thinks he can out drink me (he can't) and suga gets so peeved at it lmaooooo like "why tf do you encourage him????? he's a light weight and YOU'RE NOT YOU KNOW HE'LL GET BLACKOUT??"