#Taco bell slander

[h-harleybaby]

If you could kill anything completely what would it be??? I would get rid of the centipede

-The Gayest Anon🏳‍🌈😁

no idea, I don't not like anything that much ya know??

edit: actually nvm, FUCKING TACO BELL

[specialgrades]

I imagine Wesker just making my holes fucking gape using uroboros and Luis and Carlos are standing off to the side like

Chris, Ethan, Leon, and Nicholai are just looking at eachother like "bro what are they saying?"

wesker, turning around after hearing spanish mumbling instead of your moans for five minutes:

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: You

TWEEK: Mister

TWEEK: Tinfoil

TWEEK: Hat

TWEEK: Guy

KENNY: Stan

TWEEK:  What

KENNY: His names Stan

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that

TWEEK: You said you had

TWEEK: Like

TWEEK: A bunker

TWEEK: Right?

STAN: Yeah

CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀

TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud

TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point

KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that

KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on

CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀

CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out

KYLE: Fuck you

KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?

CRAIG: Lmao what

CRAIG: Me when I lie

KYLE: Nonononono

KYLE: Look look look

KYLE: It says “Souprem”

KYLE: It's fake merch dude

KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys

CRAIG: ….

KYLE: …Dude?

CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie

KYLE: Are you fucking serious

KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are

CRAIG: Nuh uh

KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????

TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up

TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass

TOLKIEN: It's not worth it

CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?

TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde

CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS

TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN

CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME

TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO

CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS

TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T

CLYDE: FINE

TOLKIEN: FINE

CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO

CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

STAN: Hmmm

STAN: At my barn we could like

STAN: Use my dad and my sister

STAN: As like

STAN: Food

KYLE: Dude no

KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism

CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people

KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”

CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE

CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????

CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D

CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW

KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD

KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken

CRAIG: I thought it was pork

CRAIG: Like

CRAIG: Deadass

CRAIG: Like pigs

CRAIG: Like deadass pigs

KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 

STAN: Yeah

STAN: So we’re fucking set

CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay

STAN: We don't even have animals

CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then

STAN: What

KENNY: What

KYLE: What

CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 

CARTMAN: What???

CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip

CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly

STAN: What's your source

CARTMAN: Wikipedia

STAN: Ooooof course it is

STAN: The internets lying to you, you know

CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo

STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE

TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd

TWEEK: OKay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION

TWEEK: Awesome

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Dandy even!

TWEEK: Everyone

TWEEK: Lets hold hands

CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand

TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty

CRAIG: For real

CRAIG: Preach 🙏🙏🙏

TWEEK: I don't care

TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards

CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS

CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: Sure

TWEEK: Whatever

CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD

TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands

TWEEK: Who else is fine with

TWEEK: Touching Clyde

CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: I don't

TWEEK: I'm not

TWEEK: Just

TWEEK: Hold hands

TWEEK: You all have socks on

TWEEK: I think

TWEEK: So it's not gay

CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm

CARTMAN: Actually

CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement

TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????

TWEEK: WHAT???????

TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY

TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME

CLYDE: Wow

CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like

KYLE: Woah

KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony

KYLE: Where

KYLE: Twilight and her friends

KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever

KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone

KYLE: And they used them to like

KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon

KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna

KENNY: That was so fucking gay

KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you

CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic

CARTMAN: I will cancel you again

KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig

CARTMAN: BITCH-

TWEEK: SHUT UP

TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN

TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER

KENNY: ….

CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..

LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..

CRAIG: Slllaaa-

TOLKIEN: Dont

TOLKIEN: Just

TOLKIEN: Do not

TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges

CRAIG: 😡

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Is

TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands

CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr

TOLKIEN: Stop talking

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Alakazam

TWEEK: Alakazane

TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane

KYLE: Wait wha-

CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!

KENNY: Yoooo

CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!

TOLKIEN: Haaaaa

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: Was that

TWEEK: Magic Trick

TOLKIEN: What

TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster

CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!

TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again

KENNY: I dunno

KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool

CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Humans

TWEEK: Freaks

TWEEK: Whatever your names are

TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn

TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,

TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them

TWEEK: And for goodness sake,

TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!

STAN: One, what are we, five?

STAN: Second

STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn

TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN

TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????

STAN: No

TWEEK: …

STAN: …

TWEEK: ….

STAN: ….

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: O….

TWEEK: Kay…..

TWEEK: Just…..

TWEEK: Get in the barn

STAN: Fineeeee

STAN: Whatever

STAN: Fuck you

CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]

CLYDE: Hey

CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek

TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….

CLYDE: Do

CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think we could

CLYDE: Maybe

CLYDE: Like

CLYDE: Go to like

CLYDE: Dennys

CLYDE: After this???

TWEEK: Whats

TWEEK: What's Dennys?

CLYDE: Oh

CLYDE: Uh

CLYDE: Maybe we could like

CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: What's an olive?

TWEEK: And

TWEEK: And what's a Garden?

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Oh you poor

CLYDE: Sweet

CLYDE: Summer child

CLYDE: You know what

CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden

CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: O

TWEEK: OKAY?????

CLYDE: Alright

CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: UHHH

TWEEK: WHAT

TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???

TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit

TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands

TOLKIEN: Or his ass

TWEEK: Why's that relevant?

TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????

TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD

TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????

TWEEK: …Whatevs

TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????

(edits made by @pissblanket)

[ranposgirlboss]

~HCS FROM MY BOOK!!-PART ONE~

THIS IS MULTIFANDOM!! also most of these are either slander or made for being a silly joke <333 so please don't take this seriously

fandoms: genshin impact, bungou stray dogs, and honkai impact

genre: fluff, slander, and sillies (it progressively gets less and less serious)

enjoy my shitty hcs from like a year ago <333 (they are actually older lol) ALSO ARE EXTREMELY SHORT SINCE IM LITERALLY JUST TAKING WHAT I WROTE WITHOUT CHANGING IT AND PUTTING IT OVER ON HERE LMAOASBHJAS (there's only so much space on paper </3)

chara list!!: albedo, kazuha, xiao, diluc, heizou, fu hua (sentience), scaramouche, aponia, dazai, ranpo, poe, ANDDD nikolai!!

FIRST TIME HOLDING HANDS!!

ALBEDO

-"its all for an experiment" he says

-lil bitch ok sure

-probably gonna study what this feeling is when he holds your hand and "why he feels so warm on the inside"

-acts like he doesnt care that much but bros probably gonna draw yall holding hands like a 13 year old drawing in her diary 💀

KAZUHA

-i love him but

-probably would make a poem about how your hand feels 😭

-he would be so cute tho ngl

-i mean just as always but also like

-please hold his hand he just loves you so much and along with words of affirmation physical contact seems to be his thing

-UGH MARRY ME

XIAO

-"wow y/n when you hold my hand the voices cease their calls for me to go to taco bell, thank you y/n."

-TAKE ME HIGHH AND ILL SINGGGG YOU MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY OHKAY OHKAY OHKAY (if you know that song here's your free kiss <33)

-and then you get married the end

-W H Y D I D I W R I T E T H I S B Y E -

DILUC

-could give less of a shit

-but for the sake of being a gentleman he says thank you and then continues bat manning sillily.

HEIZOU

-"y/n holding hands is cool but i think we should start an investigation of how fast we could make it to my place ;)"

-KILL YOURSELF. (please dont lead the way my silly detective <33)

-this gif makes me want to impulsively eat vanilla cake.

FU HUA

-YAAAATTAAAAA

-*holds hand* look at the beautiful sight ahead of us Y/N! no i did not make that fire-"

-fu hua arsonist era

APONIA

-MOMMY bjnEBHEKHBWJSK

-"y/n holding hands is great but why don't we open our arms and eyes to god"

DAZAI

-I APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY BSD READERS WHO HAVE TO SCROLL THIS FAR JUST TO GET THIS SILLy

-"i can always hold more then your hand~"

-a flirty bitch, but yall got chuuya knocking on your door asking you to "control your dog"

-ironic how chuuya is the one who says that

RANPO

-UGH I LOVE MY SKRUNKLE DOODLE PUSH POP SILLY SKRUNKLY CRUNKLY MUMPLY SILLY (yes i wrote that WORD. FOR. WORD.)

-will hold your hand for payments

-affection?? candy??? candys nuts fit in your mouth because they sure are about to <33 (i want to erase what i write sometimes)

-gets so happy omg

-not only does he have candy, you, but NOW he gets to hold your hand too>!1/!?!?

-wow he might as well steal from a candy store at this point

-might as well

-he swears it was an accident

POE

-poe held your hand with such sweetness, care, tenderness, love, and affection

-karl pulls up in his Mazarati, ready to throw hands once and for all, how DARE someone get more attention then karl

-poe has some explaining to do

-(i wonder how high i was when i wrote these)

-(i think i was 5'5)

NIKOLAI ( I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE)

-so you go to hold his hand in y/n fashion

-suddenly you almost get hit by a bus

-"shit my bad wrong item"

-you stare in utter confusion at the bus as it suddenly vanishes like a fucking mob from minecraft or some shit

-nikolai god arc confirmed real

-so anyways you suddenly feel warmth on your hand on you see another fucking hand gripping yours but its literally just the hand detached from the body

-you are extremely scared and concerned why there's another hand gripping yours out of nowhere but with nikolai anything is possible so you just accept it and hold his hand back

-he giggles and nikolais away with the hand still holding yours

-(I ASKED HOW HIGH I WAS WHEN I WROTE THE LAST ONE BUT WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE.)

----------------------------------

the voices

ALOS THNAK YOU FOR READING THIS PIECE OF SHIT IM SORRY. SHE WAS ME FROM A YEAR AGO I DONT KNOW HER 😭

alos my reqs are always open

I ALSO APOLOGIZE FOR THE TAGS

[lalalenii]

RAT BOY TIME

Live blog under the cut

Phantomsee x2

Okay ich zähle jetzt vorab die Referenzen

Der riskante Ritt

Die bedrohte Ranch

Der namenlose Gegner

Der lachende Schatten

Das Aztekenschwert

Im Zeichen der Schlangen

Der super-papagei

Das Gold der Wikinger

Oooh der Prolog ist schon sooo mega spannend!!! Wie sind sie da hineingeraten. Geht es Maxiwo gut???

Der magische kreis

Der grüne Geist

Doppelte Täuschung

Ich LIEBE dass Skinny uns auf der ersten Seite wissen lässt dass die ??? seine Erzfeinde sind. He is so obsessed 😭

Wie Skinny anzweifelt das Lys und Justus zusammen waren 🫠

"Er war aus einer ganzen Reihe von Gründen immun gegen ihren Charme" 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Skinny calling Lys babe 💀💀💀

Nachdem Skinnys Dad groß im Immobiliengeschäft ist habe ich beschlossen, dass Mrs Andrews beef mit Mr Norris hat

"Skinny schaute in eine Bodenvase, die mit chinesischen Drachen-Motiven bedruckt war. 'Hier ist er auch nicht'". Fuck Skinny is such a little shit

"Theoretisch konnte man überall auf wertvolle Gegenstände aus der Vergangenheit stoßen. Praktisch jedoch nicht, da die drei ??? ihren Mitmenschen meistens zuvorkamen. Wenn es um Schätze ging, waren sie wie Heuschrecken. Sie fanden alles und ließen nichts zurück." 😆😆😆 Ich liebe den Fragezeichen Slander

NICHT DIE STAN SILVER REFERENCE

Ich liebe wie Skinny versucht, Justus zu imitieren 😭 er ist fr mehr obsessed mit den Fragezeichen als ich selber

Und omg Kari dropping Taco Bell 🔔 . Aus irgned einem Grund hat das manche Leute total aufgeregt dass sie in einem Fall Taco Bell erwähnt hat aber Kari so "I do what I want 😌"

Die Urkel Queen 🥲😅

Der Begriff "indigene" ??????? In einem drei Fragezeichen Buch??????????

Captain Kerk 💀

SKINNY DER BOB IN DER BIBLIOTHEK BEOBACHTET. ICH KANN NICHT MEHR. ICJ KANN DAS ALLES NJCHT

"Skinny konnte natürlich ebenfalls lesen. Sogar längere Texte"

"Das S in Skinny steht ebenfalls für Schlüsseldienst. Was Shaw kann, kann ich schon lange"

Ich liebe die implikation dass Skinny schlauer ist als die Fragezeichen

Können wir darüber reden dass Skinny Lys sagt, dass sie in ihrem on-the-low-outfit gut aussieht, dass extra betont wird dass er es ernst meint und dass der Hilfsscherrif dann sagt er hätte sie in dem Outfit glatt für einen Jungen gehalten? Ja? Können wir?

Taavi <3

"Sie ist nicht oft unter Menschen", erklärte Skinny

KELLY????? MIT DIEGO ALVARO??????? WAS PASSIERT

...........warum weiß Skinny was Bob für Deo benutzt. KARI. WE NEED ANSWERS

"Du bist zu fixiert auf die drei Detektive. Wahrscheinlich wärst du gerne das vierte Fragezeichen." MEINE REDE

IM SORRY??? WIE SICH SKINNY UM DEN NACHBARSJUNGEN KÜMMERT??? IM GONNA THROW UP.

DYLAN MENTION DYLAN MENTION DYLAN MENTION

"Die Frau hätte selbst an Bob Andrews noch was aussusetzen" Ich brauch eine Zigarettenpause.

"Cotta sah Skinny nachdenklich an. Er wirkte nicht vorwurfsvoll, sondern eher auf eine väterliche Weise besorgt. 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Die Sache mit Cottas Kaktus 🙂🙃😃🙂🫠😉

Und side Note: ich mir gerade vor, wie Cotta versucht den Fragezeichen den Fall mit Mrs Kretschmers Gartenzwergen unterzujubeln 😂

Skinny spielt Klavier? Weiß Bob das. Kann da jemand Bob sagen.

Aw die Hotel Bigfoot reference.

Nur das mit den Archie Comics verstehe ich nicht 🧐🧐

Omg skinnys Mom ist auch im Frauenclub???

"Die meisten Menschen hätten mit diesem Riesenpflaster dämlich ausgesehen, aber Yan konnte so schnell nichts entstellen" 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[profanecenser]

my wife @alphadecays bullying me for liking taco bell.............. this is SLANDER

[sockth]

MUTUALS. I DO NOT ASK YOU FOR MUCH, SO PLEASE. PLEASE VOTE FOR CLYDE OH MY GOD HE IS SO SILLY.

if my pleading is not enough to convince you, welcome to my list of reasons

HE GETS REALLY INTO EVERY ROLE HE LIKES.

First of all, his lord of darkness lord. 100% thinks he is working with Taco Bell green sauce instead of goo that turns people into nazi zombies <3. Awesome. What a silly guy. He sets out a whole plan to get revenge on being kicked out of time and space. He's SO dedicated. He makes a stupid fort in his backyard. He recruits so many people. He steals the stick, and makes a VIDEO to reveal his evil plan.

Your honor, if he just wanted to ruin the game, he could have just stolen the stick and kept the war going. No, by getting revenge, he is writing himself BACK into the story, so he can hang out with friends some more. Also fully tries to not have consequences for his actions by saying he isn't playing anymore. Thank you, Clyde. Very cool.

NEXT there's his MOSQUITO ROLE. Oh my god he takes this so seriously. These are both real lines from the game.

Super Craig: "You know you don't really need to drink that shit, right?" Mosquito: "Well, you really need to punch your enemies, Super Craig?" Super Craig: "Uh, yeah." Mosquito: "All right, then. Don't be a hypocrite."

Super Craig: "Next thing you know you'll be laying eggs." Mosquito: "I would if I could!"

What is wrong with him <33. I need him to explode he's so funny. He also tries to get out of paying his check at Raisins even though he 100% needs to by calling the girls his kryptonite. He is so lame. Please vote for him.

2. KINDEST LITTLE BEAST

you have to hear me out here. Ignore the post covid special for a second, or be a Clyde apologist and just believe future Clyde is why past Clyde became an antivaxxer (which btw, is a GREAT scene. Clyde not questioning why there is an older man in his house telling him vaccines will make him grow titties on his head is peak.) Well, either way. I don't really care what your excuse is. YOU CANNOT FORGET ABOUT THE LICE EPISODE. Not only is the entire thing a moral dilemma, but he's also implied to be the ONLY KID who struggled with it. Was he a coward? Yes. I support him for that, though.

Also, the episode has one of my favorite moments in the show which is just. the opening of this. Great recovery, buddy!

On top of that, he wants to make lemon bars to help the Gulf crisis :) the sweetest little guy. Even in the episode which has made Clyde like absolutely slandered by the fandom (The List), he tries to comfort Kyle. Albeit uh. Really badly <3.

Also, he takes the fall for the guy who pooped in the urinal. Once again, awesome job, Clyde, even if you didn't really think it out.

3. LOOK AT HIS LINES IN THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

"On Friday nights I get to stay up an extra hour."

"I'm going to build a pillow fort this weekend."

"My dad lets me play with the big rolling ladder in his store's stock room."

"Can I have a ride in the Tupper-Mech sometime?"

"After my crime-fighting career is over, I'm going to open a car dealership."

There is something so wrong with him in this too considering how much he talks about laying eggs and flirting with girls, but this is a Clyde propoganda so just. Pretend I didn't say that. Unless that helps you vote for him bc it's funny and he's a loser. Then don't.

Oh yeah, for people who are just reading this (thank u mutuals for putting up with this) his mom is dead (which is 100% his fault) and it's awesome. For some reason he made his dead mom part of his superhero lore and was like fuck it yeah i'll roleplay that. Incredible.

Reviving

If only this worked on my mom."

Revived

"I saw my mom, she told me to kick your asses."

4. HIS INTENSE BURSTS OF EMOTIONS.

oh my god. Most of the time he is like :I, but in episodes he'll sometimes just SWITCH IT UP. Some might call this poor writing, but I call it very silly. I am counting the list under this.

Also for some reason these all include Cartman. I don't actually have an explanation for that.

This isn't an emotional one, but while I'm putting clips here I just want to say this is like. my favorite scene ever, and they cut it which is devastating. I hope you know I quote this way more than I probably should.

Also love how his friends immediately jump to his defense. Craig and Jimmy IMMEDIATELY throw hands. That's awesome. The friends of all time.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk that I wrote instead of writing my English essay on Modernism. Please vote for him he is SO silly and sweet and kind of disgusting. He has some of my favorite moments in the series.

Reblog for a bigger sample size.

[wildwormies]

Have you done snips of Mom of a Croc? That episode was a classic,

It is the first ep afterall, and I despise hippos so!! Both me and Aviva slandering animals today

Obligatory opening snip

Creechurs in their natural habit

Girl?

AA GIRL WHY

Egg brothers

Me on the toilet after 3 am taco bell

Explain this to someone who’s never watched wild kratts

The bros being loveable comp

Monitor screenshots for Cleo purposes later

Why is it always Chris😭

Dead (Also can you imagine how toe-curlingly bad Martin must smell after spending weeks in an 85 degree cave without a shower or even a change of clothes)

oh my god aVIVA SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHE’S BEEN WATCHING THE EGGS FOR DAYS. THATS MORE DEDICATION THAN YOUR MOM OBVIOUSLY HAD YOU SOUR LEMON

Finally my allotted time to talk about how much I hate hippos for being the way they are. They can’t swim. That’s right. The animal that spends 90% of it’s time in the water can’t fucking swim. Having neutral buoyancy means they sink but also that there’s no resistance when they jump or run, so they just fucking do that to get around underwater. I hate it so much. What god allowed this

Also they’re biteforce can snap you in half and you’re more likely to die from a hippo attack than a croc or whatever

Aww🥺

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS, READ THE ROOM

Intro moment

Oh I can like you again thank fuck

Speaking of that, actual inventor Aviva

Intro moment (x2)

[perpetualoverthinker]

picking up a drunk jj and co.

gif by @deenasjohnson

A/N: this is just a cute lil blurb. may or may not be based on experience lmao

“y/n!” JJ’s words slurred as he opened the back door of your car, lying down on the seats.

you were about to fall asleep when he had called you at 2am, asking you to pick him and the boys up from god knows where. you could tell they were drunk from all the hooting and laughter coming through the phone.

of course, you didn’t mind picking up your boyfriend. at least you knew he was being safe and calling for a ride instead of driving himself (something you had yelled at him about before).

“uh, gotta go pee…” JJ shot back up and proceeded to stand in front of the car, back to you, facing a row of bushes. “baby! turn the lights off!”

“what?”

“the headlights! so no one sees me!”

you chuckled to yourself as you turned the headlights off so JJ could relieve himself.

“y/n!” JJ’s two other cohorts entered the car, eyelids half closed and grinning stupidly.

“hello boys,” you laughed.

JJ finished and made his way back, sliding into the passenger seat.

“wait,” you said, grabbing the hand sanitizer you stored in the front. “use this.”

JJ looked at you, confused. “you just peed, JJ. use this!”

“oooh. y’know i already washed my hands.”

you couldn’t help but laugh at the blatant lie, still shoving the hand sanitizer into his hands. “humor me.” you gave him your sweetest smile.

he begrudgingly took the bottle and squeezed some into his hands. “i’m horny,” he huffed.

you burst out laughing as the two boys behind you nodded, agreeing with his statement. “i’m sure it’ll pass,” you said as you reached your hand out to cup his cheek.

JJ pulled back. “woooah, i’m in a serious and committed relationship!”

“yeah, with me, dumbass.” you rolled your eyes.

“oh yeah.” JJ grinned. “does that mean i get a kiss?” he looked at you, eyes closed and lips puckered.

“mm not yet.”

“y/n, you’re killing the vibe,” John B slurred from the back.

“hey! don’t talk to my girlfriend like that!” JJ glared towards the back. “no y/n slander here.”

“yeah, and this ‘vibe killer’ is the only one here sober enough to take you three dipshits home,” you laughed, starting the ignition.

“kiss now?” JJ looked at you and puckered his lips.

“kiss now,” you smiled, giving him a quick peck. he hummed in satisfaction and slumped back in his seat.

Suddenly, you heard a gasp from the back seat. “we should get taco bell!” Pope’s mouth was agape, eyes wide.

“Pope, you’re a genius!” John B took Pope’s face and kissed him on the forehead.

“y/n, if you take us, i’ll love you forever,” JJ exclaimed, taking hold of your arm.

“i thought you already did,” you teased him, eying him from the side.

“right.” JJ looked deep in thought. “then i’ll love you even more!”

“alright, i’ll take you guys.” the boys drunkenly cheered. “but then i’m taking you guys home!”

pulling into the taco bell drive thru, you had the boys yell their orders into the mic, too tired to try and memorize everything they wanted. JJ almost fell on top of you from trying to lean over into it.

the boys grasped for the bag after you finished paying, pulling out their food and unwrapping it quickly.

“oh my fucking god! this is so good,” John B said through a full mouth.

“i’ve waited my whole life to eat this,” Pope whispered, staring longingly at the burrito in his hands.

the boys were stuffing their faces as you made your way to the chateau. you laughed at their glazed eyes as they took bite after bite, occasionally wiping JJ’s mouth at red lights.

when you got to the chateau, you looked over at JJ. “you staying the night here or are you coming over to mine?”

“yours,” he smiled, sleep already beginning to overtake him.

“alright, let me get these two dummies inside and then we’ll head back.” you slid out the driver’s seat and pulled the back doors open. you had to practically drag John B out, Pope stumbling close behind you. you let them both collapse onto the couch, immediately closing their eyes.

the drive back to your house was quieter. you had put the radio on, quietly humming along as JJ played with your hand. his eyes would shut slowly then quickly open again, trying not to fall asleep.

when you got home, you helped JJ out, his body leaning into you as you pulled his arm around your shoulders. “come on, J. you gotta help me out a little bit,” you said softly, almost buckling under his weight.

he hummed, standing up slightly. the two of you slowly entered the house and went up to your bedroom. JJ plopped onto your bed, stomach down and cheek squished into your pillow.

chuckling, you slipped his shoes and socks off and pulled the sheets over him. sliding into bed beside him, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into him, his face nuzzling into the back of your neck. you squealed a bit by the sudden movement, but soon relaxed into his embrace.

“thank you,” JJ murmured from behind. “for picking us up.”

you smiled. “of course, baby.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too,” you said as you both drifted off to sleep.

[tg-headcanons]

I love your tokyo ghoul slander series so much it really made my day 😭 your sense of humor is out of this world fr. I don't know if you still accept request maybe I'm too late for this but can you do one for Houji or Tatara? Whoever you feel more comfortable. Thanks a lot!!!

I’m gonna go with TATARA THAT PALE MOTHERFUCKER! PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BITCH WHOSE BEEN SUNBURNT FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT HE HAS SO MUCH RAGE AND SO LITTLE TO DO IN HIS LIFE. HIS ONLY HOBBY IS MAKING RUDE COMMENTS TO HIS SUBORDINATES AND HE HAS CONSISTENTLY MADE ALL OF THEM CRY. HE SURE HAS A LOT OF OPINIONS ABOUT HOW EVERYONE LOOKS, ACTS, BREATHES AND THINKS FOR A GUY WIRH HAIR LIKE A STONED TACO BELL EMPLOYEE AND THE GENERAL SHAPE AND OUTFIT OF A PEZ DISPENSER. YOU JUST KNOW THAT ETO BULLIES HIM SO MUCH FOR SMELLING LIKE CABBAGE AND GRAVEL THAT SOME DAYS HE GOES ABOUT KILLING LIKE A BORED CUSTOMER SERVICE WORKER WITH A SELF PROCLAIMED “FUN BOSS.” HE PICKS ON THE TEENAGERS UNDER HIS COMMAND LIKE ITS HIS JOB ALL WHILE HOPING NO ONE NOTICES THAT HES FUCKING A CCG AGENT ON THE SIDE EVERY OTHER WEEK AND COMES BACK TO HIS ABANDONED WAREHOUSE HOME PURRING LIKE A BITCH. THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER SAW HIM LIKE THAT WAS NAKI AND THE ONLY REASON HE LET HIM LIVE WAS THAT NO ONE BELIEVES NAKI. I JUST KNOW HIS LITTLE CHIN MASK IS SO ANNOYING AND FALLS DOWN ALL THE TIME AND HE STANDS SO STIFFLY WITH IT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHEN HE MOVES IT’S GOING TO SLIP AND HE’LL HAVE TO BITE IT TO STOP IT AND GET SALIVA ON IT THAT’LL BE ON HIS FACE ALL DAY BUT HE CANT CHANGE IT BECAUSE ETO MADE FUN OF HIM FOR IT AND HE DOUBLED DOWN SO HES JUST SO COMMITTED TO THE BIT THAT HIS FACE IS A LITTLE BIT WET ALWAYS. SPITEFUL DICKHEAD WHO’S SLIPPING AWAY FROM MISSIONS TO GET ABSOLUTELY RAILED BY THE ENEMY ONLY TO COME BACK AND TELL AYATO THAT HE LOOKS LIKE HE HAS A WOLF FURSONA MY DESPISED, I AM PUTTING A LITTLE HAT ON HIM AND SHOVING HIM IN A POOL

[jeanbeaux]

ANYONE CAN BE A CHEF

jean kirstein x f!reader

w/c: 1.6k

warnings: tooth rooting fluff, vomit mention, taco bell slander.

a/n: this is apart of @mindninjax’s domestic day dream collab! thank you so much for letting me participate, i am sorry this is so horrendously late. check out the rest of the amazing fics here! bonus points if you catch the cage the elephant reference. yes the title is a psuedo ratatouille reference. thank you to @mitsuyasmistress for beta-ing love <3.

The harsh morning rays of sunlight diffuse through the gossamer curtains of the master bedroom, but the warmth hitting his face still manages to pull Jean out of his slumber. He rubs his bleary eyes with a yawn to see that you’re still passed out next to him, chuckling as he sees your face scrunch in displeasure when you too feel the effects of the sun. He presses a soft kiss to your temple before rising out of the sage green sheets, heading over to the bathroom to start his day. You’re still snoring softly by the time he’s done, so he pads across the hardwood floors on a mission to make breakfast for you both.

The kitchen has been Jean’s haven for as long as he can remember. He’d often toddle around the island with toy airplanes in hand as he followed the aroma of the spices in the stew his mother had simmering, earning a shriek from her when she would catch him reaching up to play around with the dials on the stove. In an attempt to quell the danger of her son’s newfound interest, she placed a wooden stool at the edge of the countertop, so that his little four-year-old body could rise above the top of the marble to see her roll out puff pastry. 

She began to rue that decision every time he would lean over and make grabby hands for the chocolate sticks she had reserved for the pain au chocolat, but as she watched how he would point at the oven and babble in delight as the flaky pastry began to rise, she figured being a little short of the filling was worth it. And as soon as he was tall enough to see the top of the island without assistance, she bought him a chef's hat, making him her official sous chef on Sunday mornings as they baked the treats from her home country.

The weekend bonding activity with his mother turned into something more when they started to bring their confectionaries to the PTA bake sale. No one could believe that sweetie little Jean on Trost Street was the creator of such delectable madeleines, ones that simply melted on the tongue the minute you took a bite. 

He swears he’s never felt his heart swell as it did at that moment, watching as more people kept milling towards their stall, his eyes shining as they would gasp in delight after taking a bite of the buttery shell-shaped cookies, praising how good of a job he did with them. Even snot-nosed Eren was bugging his mom to buy more. It was here that Jean realized that his cooking was something that could be enjoyed beyond the walls of his own home, and sensing the way his mother was looking down at him with pride at how far he’s come, cooking went from a weekend hobby to his passion on that fateful fall day.

Thus, the hours he spent in the kitchen grew, making everything from croissants to coq au vin, and by the time he was 18, he had mastered the art of French cooking. His talents had earned him a seat at the Marley Institute of Culinary Arts, where he sharpened his skills and expanded palette beyond his heritage.

But after he graduated, he found himself dedicating the small cream building he had purchased to be a house of French cuisine, all as an ode to the woman who had made his dream possible. 

Like everything Jean set his mind to, Chez Paradis soon became a success. Every day came with a new challenge — more refined palettes to feed, a drive for new innovative dishes. The added pressure was adding a few knots in his back, but those would finally come loose the day you would sit at one of his white-clothed tables.

You were one of Sasha’s work friends, brought in as a guest on a night of a soft re-opening. The one upside of the woman being capable of eating anything was that she would eat everything, making her the ideal candidate for a new menu tester. You had given him a soft scarlet smile when he introduced himself during the dinner course of the night, and Jean couldn’t help but think about how pretty you looked in that crushed velvet dress under the soft lights. 

His palms were sweating as he placed the ceramic plates in front of you, blushing like a schoolgirl as you thanked him for the meal. Jean watched through the kitchen windows as you cut open the goat cheese zucchini quiche, letting go of a breath he didn’t even know he was holding as he watched you process that first bite with a pleasant surprise.  He has faced career-ending critics with more calm, and yet the sense of relief he got seeing your eyes widen as the tang of the cheese dances across your tongue is incomparable.

Sasha drags you to the back once the affair is done, bounding over to the blonde curled sous chef she knew was a little sweet on her to see if they had any seconds, giving you the time to give your regards to the head chef. 

“Was this the best French food you’ve ever had?” Jean joked. 

“It was! It holds a pretty special place in my heart considering it was the first French food I’ve ever had.” 

Jean threw a hand over his heart in mock horror, earning a giggle from you before questioning you further. Turns out the only exposure you had to French food was through the screen — confessing you had only seen the cuisine through Ratatouille which threw another dagger in Jean’s heart, and then he’s insisting you come again, this time a private dinner where he can show you some of his favorite meals.

And then it turns into another and another till Jean finally asks you out — and then the venue of these dinners changes to your apartments. Jean eventually stops cooking by himself, now bringing over brown paper bags full of groceries and a recipe for you two to try. 

It becomes a routine date for you two, laughing in the kitchen as old 2000’s music cranks from the speaker you have set up, Jean wrapping you in a hug despite your protests about his flour-covered hands, forcing you to dance with him as the pie you’ve put in the oven rises.

There’s a magic to those moments that never changes as your relationship grows, even after Jean came by with nothing in that paper bag except a velvet box. 

Because cooking with you is easy, Jean knows you’ll still hold love for him in your eyes even if he serves you Kraft Mac and Cheese. You make him want to venture out and try new things, new spice combinations or preparation techniques — and even if they flop, Jean finds comfort in the cute little scrunch of your nose, motivated to keep pushing further instead of beating himself upon failure.

But lately, you’ve been hard to impress, and Jean finds himself hitting a wall.

Those nose scrunches are accompanied with retching, sometimes even the smell is enough to turn you away from what’s in the kitchen. And what’s worse — you've been sneaking outside for fast food of all things — mouth dropping in shock as he catches you red-handed with Taco Bell after you turned down the enchiladas he had made for you. 

Now, he stands before the stovetop once more in an attempt to impress your changing palate, cracking the egg over the mixing bowl with one hand. 

He hears you walk into the kitchen over the sizzle of the butter, wrapping your arms around his middle as you snuggle against his broad back. The “good morning” you give him is murmured against his skin, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before you walk over to hop on the counter and watch him cook.

Jean is pretty when he concentrates, strong hazel brow knit as he pours the egg, picking up a fork to swirl the mixture rapidly in the skillet. His biceps flex as he tilts the pan towards him, elegantly rolling the egg on top of itself into a cigar shape before setting it down on the plate next to him. 

Jean kisses your forehead, finally returning your greeting before handing the plate off to you. His hands come up to his face as he watches you push the dish around with a fork, steam lightly rising from the egg when you finally cut in.

It’s a simple French omelet, just salt, butter, and eggs. The process makes the meal more than the ingredients do, and Jean figures it’s best to go simple with how you haven’t been able to handle anything as of late. 

The anticipation peaks as he watches you take a bite, and he’s praying that you enjoy one of his childhood favorites as much as he does. Jean’s waiting for the wrinkle of your nose, but it never comes.

Instead, for the first time in forever, he’s met with a smile, you lifting your fork up with glee before taking another bite.

“That good, huh?” Jean grins, leaning in closer to you. 

“Mmmhmm.” You swallow before lacing your free hand with his, placing his palm over your stomach.

“The baby is a big fan of this one too.”

thank you for reading! <3 please do not recommend this on tiktok or repost this work.

© all rights reserved JEANBEAUX 2021. please do not copy, modify or repost my work.

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[miekasa]

cowboy/southern jean😫

i’m not the type for yeeyee type guys but jean will definitely make me do a double take. the manners, the hospitality, the sly pet names when he’s got a crush on you (which i think you touched on before)😫

see jean doing:

sorting and stacking hay in the barn

speaking of hay on tiktok last fall white farmer boys were beefing about their hay and it was the best😭 i could see him getting into a spat abt that

HORSE MAN but we already knew this!!!

cowboy/heavy duty boots and a hat has to be added to the ensemble sometimes i fear, it’s a small price to pay, really

see him feeding the farm cats in the morning

just really great with animals overall😫

ugh stawpppp this makes me think of small town things, he’d def take you to the town festival as a date

great cook but we knew this!!!

he probably accidentally tracks hay inside the house sometimes

chopping wood for the fire place omg

i feel like most-if not every food product in his house is homemade by his farm or another, really takes pride in agriculture

see: frozen/fast food slander (shut up, what does he know about a taco bell steak chalupa with no tomatoes🙄). with the exception of a few places, i also think he loves a good cafe and little joints like that

always brings you something back🥲

FLANNEL/ THERMAL TYPE GUYDJFNCNXNXNSJDNDNNDJDNFNF

he’s got a thing for candles, maybe after a couple purchases he learns to make them on his own

i definitely see him having a creative outlet with arts and crafts but he’s taking it to the grave

coffee drinker, drags eren for surviving off monsters (bye they taste like battery acid to me, where the sugar, huh?! original red bull supremacy!)

ugh and he’s just so responsible, doing his chores around the house, upkeeping the house and the farm, GIVE HIM TO ME

bye i just realized that out science teacher gave us an extension till 11:59 PM again yesterday (it is now 12:30 AM, for I am eternally damned), and i missed the deadline- AGAIN, so guess what? I’m gonna watch saiki AGAIN🤪

- 🥖 anon

STOPP THE WAY I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS OTHER DAY he’s the only country bumpkin I’d let hit 😚😚

No because just imagine how jacked he is from doing all that farm work… working out was basically built into his day: lifting things off and onto his truck, pushing shit around, building new pens for the animals and just generally fixing up things around the house for his mom. His arms… his thighs… his chest because you know damn well in the summer he forgoes a shirt.

The frozen food slander stop thats so accurate, why would he let you eat that when he could make you something from scratch. He also probably physically can’t even digest it that well since it’s not what he’s used to it’s kinda funny he’d get folded by Taco Bell so quickly please.

So good with animals, he’s basically been raising this one horse since he was 12 and it’s absolutely his baby; he’s good at nursing injured animals back to health and has a soft spot for them. You notice then when you first meet him at uni, and you don’t piece together why he’s that good with animals until he talks about having raised a few back home… then things start falling into place. You don’t know why he was embarrassed to tell you he essentially grew up on a small ranch at first, but you’re glad you finally know.

When he takes you back to his mom’s place for the first time, you can tell just how much love and care Jean’s put into the place. His mom points out all the work he’s done, tells you stories of Jean getting chased by the farm dogs when he was younger, shows you some of his earlier arts and crafts ventures. The place is a little too small for Jean—he has to duck into the door frames, he can easily step over some of the fences in the front yard, his knees hit the table when he sits, but it’s home and he’s happy here and he’s happy you seem to love it too.

[imobsessedwiththeatre]

SAME-

Sonic? Do I want to starve in 10 days or die of grease in 3 days??

[xocasper]

i. want to know stephen. pls tell

WOOOOOO STEPHEN SLANDER

it’s thursday, march 17, 2022, at approximately 11:08pm. i’m craving taco bell. i download doordash. i’m sitting on the toilet, taking a piss, and ordering a crunchy taco supreme combo with a large baja blast. i finish ordering and taking my piss. i wash my hands feeling exhilarated, and then scroll through my phone for a bit.

i don’t check my order the entire time. instead, i listen to all too well (10 minute version) by taylor swift to pass the time. a few minutes go by and i check my phone. i had never used doordash, so i was pleasantly surprised to see a notification, as well as the name of my driver—stephen! what a fun little feature! i was having a conversation with my friend at the time, and i excitedly told them that stephen was approaching with my order!

i ran outside to get my order, and what do you fucking know. stephen had forgotten my baja blast. i will never forget you stephen. i have done voodoo magic on you. you have been hexed. i will make sure that your memory lives on via my chemical romance reader-insert smut where you play bottom-of-the-barrel characters. fuck you.

[vicbutfunnier]

we were really all lured in thinking cheater, cheater by mangobaII was going to be a cringe chatfic-esque thread made by a dream stan, when really we got;

a man reuniting with his father after 20 years over twitter who takes him and his friends; a man madly in love with the guy who his ex-boyfriend cheated on him with, a man who’s just trying to find his friends rebound so that they can go home, the roommate of the protagonists rebound, and a mentally unstable man running away from the cops, on a road trip to find their other friend, dream, who has run away to california to become an official goofy mascot at disneyland after drinking too much peptobismol.

also a child has gained 60k viewers after hosting a twitter space everyday to slander the man who has run off to disney, he is now sponsored by taco bell.

[simonalkenmayer]

Im not any taco bell anon but i hate taco bell so much, the food is actually pretty good but the last time i remember going there was an actual cockroach inside of a taco and i ate it. And its the worst thing ive tasted so far. For clarification i tasted something weird and i looked inside to find the bottom half of a roach. The entire inside was white and the taste was both sour and bitter. Im gunna gag now

I’d eat it.

That’s a location, not a food. Just because one taco beep is poorly managed doesn’t mean the food should be slandered or the brand slandered.