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exuber · 2 years ago

Text

me when bucky walked off in the rain all hurt

not even a little

summary: The problem of living with Bucky is that he makes it impossible not to fall in love with him. Even though you could list several hundred reasons why it’s a bad idea. And you have.

pairing: roommate!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 5.7k

warnings: pining idiots in love, slightly questionable roomie behaviour, simultaneously the softest and cockiest bucky i've written so far, blink and you miss it throwing shade at iron fist

a/n: this is my very late submission for kathie's (@pellucid-constellations) love letters writing challenge <3 thank you for this lovely idea, writing this was a challenge indeed but that is, as they say, a me problem. also huge shoutout to @barnesafterglow and @sweetascanbee, this really and truly would still not be done without you. love you both 💛

masterlist | read on ao3

You’re screwed. You know that you’re screwed.

Surely, there’s a rule book for these kinds of situations, and rule number one tells you in big, blinking neon letters that you should absolutely, under no circumstances, not ever fall in love with your roommate. Especially not if he also happens to be your best friend.

And yet.

Trouble is that Bucky Barnes is the type of guy that makes it very, very difficult not to fall for him.

Honestly, you should have known better when Nat had suggested the two of you move in together, that night at the bar right after college, “since you’re both new in town and all”. You’d almost spat your drink in her face when she waved him over to where you were sitting, because there was no way in hell a man called James looked like that.

“Friends call me Bucky, actually,” he’d said, a smirk on his lips that went straight to your core.

Natasha glanced between the two of you with that smug look of hers, and you shot her a warning glare because she knew. She knew from the moment you awkwardly shook Bucky’s hand that he was gonna mean trouble for you, with his leather jacket and his blue eyes and his fucking horrible tendency to be both suave and sheepish within the same sentence.

So how are you supposed to say no after that?

It’s so easy to grow close to him, too. Way too easy. You fall into a routine with such effortlessness it has you wonder how you've ever managed without him at all. Grocery runs after work and movie nights on tired Friday evenings, conversations that would be nonsensical to anyone eavesdropping, dreary-eyed breakfast at 2 p.m. Quickly, it becomes difficult to remember a time in your life that didn’t include Bucky.

Needless to say, it’s a struggle.

Thankfully, you come up with a brilliant plan about a month into your new living arrangement. Or rather, your friends do.

“You should kill him.”

“Darcy!”

“What?” Darcy tucks into her mozzarella sticks. “We’d claim temporary insanity in court, if he’s that hot, there’s no way the jury wouldn’t understand.”

“You’d make an awful lawyer,” Colleen says drily, continuing to pat your head awkwardly.

Darcy raises one impeccable eyebrow. “Got some better idea to save Y/N from Barnes’ death grip, buzzkill?”

“Remember before I broke up with Danny?”

You snort at the visceral shudder that goes through Darcy. “Those were the dark days.”

“Hah.” Colleen rolls her eyes. “Anyway. I wrote down every single time he did something that pissed me off, and whenever I felt myself falling into old habits, I went over the list. Worked like a charm. I was over him like that.” She snaps her fingers.

“And thus, another national holiday was born,” Darcy says, clinking her bottle against Colleen’s. “May we always commemorate Independrandce Day to remind ourselves that bad times don’t last.”

“All the things that piss me off?” you ask doubtfully. “I want my crush to go away, not make my apartment unbearable to live in.”

“Just try it for a while, then,” Colleen shrugs. “If it doesn’t work, you can still resort to physical violence. There’s an open spot in my Thursday class.”

You’re busy Thursdays.

It’s almost surprising how little time passes until you need to take your friend’s advice. You’re just headed into the kitchen to grab a snack before you leave for work when you screech to a halt.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Bucky turns around slowly, having the audacity to look confused even as he’s still holding the bottle. “Having a drink?”

“Of milk?” you say, trying not to actually gag. He’s lucky you’re not a milk-sharing household or you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from going off.

“Gotta keep my bones strong.” There’s a glint in his eye as he says it, too, because at this point he already knows exactly how to rile you up. He loves seeing you explode.

This time, though, you won’t give him the satisfaction.

Slowly, an empty smile on your face, you pull out your phone. Bucky, you are an actual horrible disgusting psychopath, you type with a forced sense of serenity. who tf drinks milk straight from the bottle.

You feel strangely better after that and another deep breath.

“I’m gonna go now,” you tell him a bit too sharply and turn on your heels. You’ll get food on your way.

It quickly turns into a habit. Every time he does something small that would normally set you off, you open your notes app and write it out, instead. It helps at least somewhat to stop romanticizing your situation. Level things out a little.

Because the truth is, Bucky Barnes absolutely aggravates you sometimes, and it’s good to remind yourself of those times when he’s once again wandering around the apartment in nothing but his sweatpants.

“Jesus, Buck,” you say, slumping down on the couch a few feet away from him. “Would it kill you to wear a shirt every once in a while?”

“It’s like a hundred degrees in here,” Bucky whines, not moving from where he’s reading.

“So? You don’t see me strip naked.”

His smile is lazy, but his eyes sparkle with amusement as he turns his page. “I know, and it’s a shame.”

“Fuck off, Barnes.” Your cheeks are on fire and you can only hope he can’t tell. “Nat’s gonna be here in five minutes.”

“Okay,” he says, not moving an inch.

You stare at him incredulously. “Can you please put some clothes on?”

“I am wearing clothes,” Bucky states dryly. “Besides, Nat won’t mind.”

“Dot might,” you mumble, but he ignores you. Not that you expected him to; his on-again, off-again relationship has been a topic of contention for a while now, and not because of you.

Truly, you’ve been doing a lot better lately, keeping a lid on your feelings. Which is why you’re able to look at him and his naked torso and his arms and be completely fine. Really. You pull your gaze to the book he’s holding and frown.

“Is that mine?”

Bucky finally glances at you, looking almost bashful. “You said it was good.”

You blink in surprise. You did say that, but not to him. You remember telling Colleen how much you loved it the last time you were facetiming in the living room while Bucky was perched at the kitchen counter with a bored, absent expression on his face as he silently scrolled through something on his phone.

The fact that he listened makes you choose to ignore that he’s definitely going to ruin the spine if he keeps holding the book like that.

“How do you like it?” you ask, voice slightly higher than usual.

“It’s great.” His smile returns, and you will never be sick of him looking like that, looking at you like that. So content.

The doorbell wakes you from your trance with a start.

Bucky sighs quietly as he carefully places a bookmark between the pages and gets up from the couch, rolling his shoulders. You watch him as he shuffles away to his room without another word, sweat making the hair stick to his neck. It takes you another moment to stand up yourself.

You pull out your phone as you wait for Nat to get upstairs, hesitating for a moment before you open your notes app. The feeling in your stomach uncoils.

***

There are days, despite your best efforts, that you still let yourself hope. Like when Bucky makes enough pancakes for dinner to feed an entire football team and you talk about the book he’s borrowed over maple syrup and jam until it’s eleven at night. Or when you’re out with your mutual group of friends and his gaze always finds yours after he’s made a joke, as if to gage your reaction, as if to make sure to catch a spark of amusement in your eyes.

Other times, like right now, you simply don’t have the time to question your relationship too much.

While the prospect of your upcoming promotion is great, it leaves you with an almost insurmountable pile of work that’s to be done as soon as possible, and the long hours make you putter around the apartment like a zombie. Thankfully, Bucky’s been avoiding you while you’re in this state, spending his days at Dot’s, or at Steve’s. You’re sure he’s told you at some point, but you don’t really remember.

You’ve set up your little work space in the living room, because it’s the only room with proper light in it. Most of your time is spent on the couch, noise-canceling headphones on and trying to focus on what feels like seven different projects at once. You miss feeling the sun on your skin.

As you’re trying to get your eyes to focus on the numbers and nonsensical reports flickering over your laptop screen, you notice movement in your peripheral vision. You flinch, pulling off your headphones, and then blink.

Bucky freezes mid turn, clearly not having expected you to notice him. “Sorry,” he says. “I just got home.”

Your stare remains fixed on the table. Your favorite mug is filled to the brim with tea, placed delicately on the previously empty coaster next to your pile of books.

“You looked like you needed it,” he continues, and your heart swells.

“Thank you,” you mumble and he shrugs.

“Dinner should be here in twenty, if you want some.”

You nod, watching the steam curl when he leaves you to your reports again. Strange, how easy it is to suddenly overthink a cup of tea.

You wait a couple of minutes for it to cool, then take a tentative sip. Your nose scrunches up.

He’s oversteeped it to the point of no return.

Still, you find yourself drinking most of it, because for some reason you can’t bring yourself to just pour it down the drain. It’s like you can’t quite let go of the gesture.

When the week is finally over, you both sit on the fire escape with a drink in your hands and breathe in the cool early night air. There’s undone dishes and at least three machines’ worth of laundry and a thousand other things demanding your attention, but for now, for this one evening, you’re finally content to do absolutely nothing and do it guilt-free.

It’s nice to just sit next to each other in utter silence as you watch the people below hurry along home through the traffic. The streets smell like spilled gasoline and the very last fringes of summer. The sun is setting at a deliciously lazy pace.

Bucky nudges you and points to the other side of the street. You coo as you watch the corgi waddle around the corner, almost itching for your phone to take a picture. Instead, you look up.

The sky looks beautiful, as if someone had softly smudged the deepest blue ink while it was still drying and dabbed the most glorious shades of pink and orange at the edges. A plane goes by overhead, blinking and leaving a trail of gray across the vast firmament.

“You know,” you say, leaning your head against the wall. “When I was little, I used to think these clouds were made of cotton candy.”

Bucky doesn’t laugh, but you feel the smile radiating from him without even turning. It’s like that, between you. Random thoughts are never weird. Only there to be outweirded.

“I used to think the moon was made of cheese,” he offers tonight.

You do laugh, then, short and loud. When you meet his eyes again, they’re the color of the darkest parts of the sky, and the look on his face is indescribable. Almost like surprise. It sends a chill through you.

“What?” you say, and he shakes his head.

A car alarm goes off in the distance, and you avert your gaze again, pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders. Bucky’s phone vibrates with a message, but he doesn’t duck inside like you expect him to. Instead, you both sit there until the sun has fully disappeared, and something seems to settle.

It’s a setback that follows you well into the next year.

“I vote arsen or arsenic,” Darcy says. “You have insurance, right?”

She reaches over to grab your phone, swiftly entering the pincode with that set frown of hers as if she’s trying to hack into the pentagon again.

“I doubt they cover homicide,” you deadpan.

“Manslaughter, actually” she reads from your phone. “In the first degree. Ow!” She rubs her shin.

“Who are we getting rid of?” Natasha asks, sliding back into the booth next to you.

“No one,” you say at the same time as Darcy says, “Barnes, duh.” You give her a sharp look. She sticks her tongue out at you.

Nat bumps her shoulder against yours. “How long has it been, coming up two years in June?”

“Shut up,” you murmur, taking another sip of your milkshake. “Darce, what are you doing with my phone?”

“Well, I’m done googling, I wanna see if you actually made that list.”

“What list?” Natasha asks.

“Okay, give me that.” You try to grab your phone back, but Darcy snatches it out of your reach quickly.

“Come on, you never tell me these things anymore,” Darcy complains and continues scrolling. “We used to have so much fun! Does he snore? Does he leave his socks all over the floor? I have a need to know!”

“And it’s making you rhyme, too.”

She’s still dodging your efforts to get your phone back while she’s talking. Natasha watches both of you in amusement, eating her cheesy fries.

“Hah!” Darcy exclaims and your heart drops. “I knew it, he seems like the type to break a spine. I can always tell.”

“Darcy,” you say warningly.

She gasps theatrically. “He killed Fernadette? You said it was an accident!”

“Plants die, Darce, it’s not a big deal.”

In the moment of her outraged distraction, Nat plucks your phone from her hands. She scrolls down once, smirks, and finally hands it back to you. “Change your passcode, WikiLeaks.”

You throw the phone back in your bag resolutely, cheeks burning.

Darcy pouts. “I didn’t even get to the good stuff.”

“You know,” Natasha says, dipping her fry into the melting whipped cream on your shake. “Some of this stuff you should probably tell him.”

“It’s fine,” you say through gritted teeth. “I’m fine. We’re both still alive, aren’t we?”

“Only because you’re boring,” Darcy rolls her eyes.

Natasha lifts her glass. “To two years’ survival in June,” she grins innocently at you.

As you clink your glasses together, there’s something in her eyes that makes you feel like you’re toasting an ultimatum.

***

It’s irrevocably over with Dot when Bucky officially breaks up with her the day before Valentine’s, which is a bit extreme even by your standards, and you’ve never liked Dot.

Matter of fact, it would have made the list anyway, but all the more so when he decides to wreck your following evening as well in the process.

Being eternally single, you’d planned a nice, relaxing night home alone with a movie and some takeout to keep you from obsessively refreshing Instagram as a way to torture yourself. Cozy, quiet, totally not alone forever.

Instead, you now have a sullen-faced Bucky to contend with.

“If you’re gonna be moping all night, you can do it in your room,” you finally snap after he’s complained about your choice of food, the candle you wanted to burn in the living room, and how you decided to eat the giant box of chocolates you’d treated yourself to.

“I’m not,” Bucky says mopingly.

You roll your eyes. “Seriously, you couldn’t have chosen literally any other day of the year to break things off with her? There are a lot of them, you know.”

Bucky throws a pile of chocolate wrappers at you. You retaliate with a pillow to his face.

There’s a second for you to laugh at his expression, when he’s still too stunned to react, before the pillow comes flying back to hit you in the temple and you almost fall off the couch with a shriek.

“Aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?” Bucky asks, grabbing a pillow in each hand to use as defense.

“Pretty sure that’s a dumpee privilege,” you say, mimicking what he’s doing.

You stare at each other for a second, then Bucky throws one of the pillows he’s holding at your head. It lands on the floor as you block it with your own, taking the unlit candle down with it. You smack another of your pillows at his face.

Finally, there’s a little glint in his eye again. “I thought you didn’t like her.”

“Doesn’t mean she deserves to be dumped on February thirteenth,” you say. The second pillow misses and Bucky’s grin turns feline. Shit.

Slowly, you put one foot on the floor, Bucky watching your every move. You can see the pillow on the floor out of the corner of your eye.

You dart towards it and Bucky throws his second pillow. You duck. Your chocolates go flying to the ground, scattering everywhere. Both of you grab the floor pillow at the same time, struggling for it.

“Dickhead,” you gasp, thinking of your nice ruined chocolates. You twist to wrangle the pillow out of his grasp, but in doing so stumble. Bucky, to his credit, tries to stop your fall, but you only take him down with you, landing uncomfortably on top of each other on the couch.

Your breath hitches when you feel his weight on you, closer to him than you’ve ever dared before. There’s something in the depths of his eyes that makes it very hard to have a single coherent thought.

“Maybe,” Bucky says, and there’s a tiny crack in his voice as if he knows it, too, “I was sick of pretending.”

Time seems to freeze. He doesn’t move, and his face doesn’t change as he looks at you, not really. It’s just Bucky. Just … everything.

You can feel heat rising.

The doorbell saves you from embarrassing yourself further. You can hear Bucky cursing under his breath as you gently shove him off you and hurry to the door, your heart still thundering.

It’s a moment you keep replaying in your mind obsessively even weeks later, as if remembering it as often as possible would change the outcome at all. Would stop your food from arriving at that exact moment, and instead …

Going down that line of thought is a dangerous game, especially now that you’ve seen the freckle next to his mouth up close, delicately placed there like a dimple, like it was painted with the softest brush. It begs to be kissed.

Sam’s voice calling your name snaps you back to the present and you lock your phone, sharply turning on your heel and almost spilling the buckets of popcorn you’re precariously holding in one arm while attempting to balance the nachos with the other.

“Isn’t that a lot of snacks for four people?” Bucky asks, taking some of the stuff off you.

You don’t meet his eye and frown instead. “Why four people?”

“Nat just sent a text,” Sam says, his arm still around Misty’s waist. “Apparently Steve’s got a cold and they’re staying home.”

And with Joaquín still in Mexico and Darcy running so late at work she’d meet you at the bar later, your group of eight had just been reduced to a date with a plus two. Wonderful.

��Did you only get salty?” Bucky asks, already eating as you make your way to your seats.

“Of course not,” you say, keeping the second bucket out of his reach. “But we’re sharing these. Every time I trust you with the popcorn they’re mysteriously gone ten minutes into the movie.”

“Ain’t no mystery about it,” Bucky says. “Gimme some.”

“No!” You sit down between him and Sam. “You can wait until the trailer show at least.”

“That might be hours! I could starve by then!” He looks at you with his saddest puppy dog eyes, and it might have worked on you, too, had you not had this exact discussion several times before. “Please?”

You cross your arms over the bucket so that he won’t just reach over. “Nope.”

Sam grins. “You got a ruthless one there, Buck.”

The lights go down before anyone can notice the slight twitch in your expression.

Bucky does make it all the way through the trailer show before he starts shifting in his seat, softly tugging at your sleeve. You keep staring at the screen.

“Come on, sweets,” he whispers and you swear you feel all the hairs in your neck stand up. You don’t turn your head or move your arms. He leans over until his head is basically on your shoulder, his knee nudging yours, his hand sneaking for the bucket in your lap.

“The popcorn. Stays. With me,” you hiss. You’re tempted to slap his fingers away, but you find yourself completely immobilized.

“You said you’d share,” Bucky says into your ear. His entire arm is pressed against yours now, and it takes everything in you not to tremble. “Just let me have what’s mine.”

You can only hope no one will ask you about any particulars of the movie later on.

***

You don’t expect it all to fall apart so soon after that.

“Well,” Darcy says as the five of you huddle underneath the tiny awning in front of the bar. “I sure am glad I still came out tonight.”

It’s pouring down in buckets, the wind tearing at your jackets, the sky pitch black. The nearest subway station is a seven minute walk away, and you share a total of two umbrellas between you, one of them snatched from the lost and found box at Luke’s.

“Any of us going in the same direction?” Misty asks, opening her own umbrella. Sam takes it out of her hand to cover them both.

“Not really,” you answer, looking at Bucky. “Uber?”

He nods. “My phone’s empty, though.”

“Jesus, why isn’t this working?”

You snort, unlocking your phone without looking and pressing it into Bucky’s hand before hurrying to assist Darcy in her fight with the lent umbrella. “You need to hold it against the wind. Seriously, for someone with two PhDs—”

It finally snaps open, cutting off Darcy’s cussing. Her glasses are already blurred with raindrops.

“Well,” Sam says. “We’d offer to wait with you, but I don’t think this is gonna get better any time soon, so …”

“Just go,” you reassure him. “I’m sure we won’t be long, either. Right, Buck?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and the unexpected iciness in his tone makes you turn around slowly.

You have never seen this kind of look on his face, that coldness skewing his beautiful features into an ugly mask. In his eyes, there’s nothing, not even a trace of the fondness that swirled in them less than a minute ago. Your heart drops.

“Are you alright?” you ask softly.

“Great,” he says brusquely, shoving your phone back in your hand. “In fact, I think I might go on a walk.”

And without a word of goodbye, without a second glance, Bucky walks out into the opened floodgates.

For a moment, none of you can do anything but gape after him in disbelief. He doesn’t turn when you call his name, doesn’t seem to hear it at all. His hair is wet through immediately, sticking heavily to his neck, but it’s like he doesn’t notice the rain, his hands shoved into his pockets as he turns a corner and disappears out of your sight.

“What’s wrong with him?” Sam asks, and even though you understand why the question is directed at you, it feels like an accusation.

“I don’t know, I—”

It’s then that you glance at your phone, still opened to your notes app, and your stomach plummets again as you read your own angry, frustrated words. I actually hate you, you know that? Hells even wrong with you.

Your vision blurs.

You want to vomit, vomit or cry or both, but there’s no time.

“Take this,” you say to Darcy, pushing your phone and bag into her startled hands before you run. The wind and rain whip in your face, but you don’t care.

You have to find Bucky. You have to tell him that this is all a misunderstanding, a terrible, terrible error.

Youre such a fucking idiot.

Your boots splash water in all directions as they hit the pavement. Slow. You’re too slow. “Bucky!”

This was a mistake. I shouldve never moved in with you.

When you reach the corner of the street, Bucky is long gone.

***

You’re not sure how long you stand there in the rain before they catch up with you, huddling you between them and their two umbrellas until you stop crying long enough to get into the car they’ve called for you.

Darcy climbs into the seat beside you, and by the look on her face you can tell that this time, she’s read the entire thing.

She doesn’t say anything about it, for once keeping her mouth shut as she fishes for your keys and lets you both into the empty apartment. She’s offered to take you to her place for the night, but you shook your head so vehemently at the thought you got dizzy with it.

Maybe he’d come home. Maybe there’s still a chance to clear this thing up.

But his shoes aren’t there when you stumble through the door, and it’s cold in here. As cold as the look in Bucky’s eyes had been.

Darcy forces you into the shower, and when you get back out, there’s a steaming cup of tea waiting in your favorite mug. Of course, she still doesn’t quite understand why that only makes you cry again.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” you whisper as she wraps her arms around you.

There’s a long pause before Darcy says, “He’s got no clue what he’s walking away from.”

You don’t plan on moving from the couch, so you get Darcy to agree to use your bed for the night. She seems hesitant to leave you, even if it’s just down the hall. You stay where you are, half-seated and huddled in the patchwork blanket Bucky’s mom had sent from Shelbyville. It smells like dust and homemade cookies.

The hours seem to tick by ever so slowly, and the only noises you hear are those of the city. You doze off every now and then, for no more than a couple of minutes at a time, your head turned towards the hall.

It’s very, very early in the morning when the soft click of the front door wakes you. The rain has reduced to a drizzle, the first hesitant rays of sunshine glimmering through.

“Bucky?” you call out quietly. His steps halt for a moment, as if he’s not expected you to be here, but he comes in anyway.

He looks terrible. The rain has molten off the terrible cold mask, but his expression underneath is even worse. He doesn’t meet your eye, doesn’t even acknowledge you sitting there as he walks past you, his dark circles not quite hiding the shattered, matted blue of his eyes.

He doesn’t react to your saying his name again, and the bathroom door closes behind him before you can get up.

You stand there, unsure what to do next, how to make him look at you, talk to you again. You’re still standing there, twisting your phone between your hands, when he comes out of the bathroom again only to vanish into his bedroom without so much as a glance at you.

Two minutes, you decide. You’d give him two minutes to get dressed and sit down.

The eternity of that time span seemingly flies by, and you make yourself move.

“Bucky?” you say quietly, putting your palm against his door.

Of course, he doesn’t answer. He’s not pacing, either, like he usually does when he’s upset, but in this case, you’re not sure if that’s better or worse. Swallowing hard, you open the door.

Bucky’s sitting on the edge of the bed, as if he’s been waiting for you, his head leaning heavy against his arms. He looks terribly small like this.

“Hi,” you whisper, awkwardly. Your face feels like it’s about to melt off. “Can we talk?”

He lifts his head slowly, as if each degree it takes costs too much energy. When he finally looks at you, it almost makes you flinch.

There’s a sadness inside them, mixed with tiredness, that you’ve only caught in your own reflection.

For a long moment, you just stare at each other, before Bucky finally says, “Do you want me to move out?”

Of all the things you expected, this is not one of them. Particularly not with this hoarseness in his voice.

“I want to explain,” you say, taking a tentative step closer.

Bucky huffs a dry breath, pressing the palm of his hand to his eye. “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory that you think I’m the ‘biggest pain in the ass the world has ever seen’.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest to keep them from shaking. “I know I wrote that, but I—Colleen said I should—that it would help.”

“Help what?”

“Make it easier,” you say, so, so quietly, but he still hears you.

“And did it?”

You shake your head slowly, uncrossing your arms. “It pretty much backfired.” You unlock your phone again. “You see, I was supposed to write down all the things you did that made me crazy, but at some point … at some point I started adding the things that made me crazy about you.”

Nothing but confusion in Bucky’s eyes as he stares at you, then at your phone. “What are you saying?” he asks softly.

You close your eyes. “You should continue reading.”

Your hands are trembling so hard now he has to take the phone from your hands to make out any of the words. The silence that follows is unbearable, but you don’t dare look at him. So you talk.

“Like, remember when you went to IKEA with Steve and I couldn’t come with you, so you got me one of those shark plushies and a whole almond cake?” You can’t help but chuckle, even though you don’t feel like it. “I tried reading into that for so long, if it was his idea or if I just got stuck in your mind.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, so you continue, still not opening your eyes.

“Or when Dot used to stay over and you’d make me an extra batch of waffles to make sure I wouldn’t feel left out. Or when we stayed up until 4 to make those Christmas cookies, even though it was September?”

He huffs again. “I broke up with her that day.”

You do look at him, then. “No, you didn’t.”

Bucky’s still staring at the list on your phone. “I brought her the last of her stuff before Valentine’s Day. I don’t think it’d hit her before then, that she could be nasty about it all now.”

His eyes are very blue again when he turns them towards you, clear and focused entirely on you. It’s hard to keep your knees from buckling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And there it is. The question that’s been haunting you for almost two years now, that’s been unspoken in Natasha’s gaze and in Darcy’s hug, even though they knew the answer.

Because you’re a coward.

“You’re my best friend, Buck,” you say quietly, your eyes burning. “I just didn’t … I don’t want to lose that.”

“Hey.” He stands in front of you before you even notice him moving, his hands cupping your face and turning it towards his. A shuddering breath falls from your lips. “You,” Bucky continues, “could never, ever do anything to lose me.”

“I almost did today,” you whisper and his face falls.

“I’m sorry I ran away.”

You shake your head and he pulls you into an embrace. His hair is still damp, but soft from his shower. He doesn’t smell like city rain, only the way he always does. As if it all had never happened.

And when he finally draws back to look at you with that glint in his eye, hands still loosely gripping your waist, it almost feels like a bad dream.

“So,” he says, and the cadence in his voice makes your heart stutter. You inadvertently move backwards, out of his grasp, and a wicked grin appears on Bucky’s lips. It’s impossible to look away. “She ‘didn’t deserve me’, huh?”

“She didn’t,” you say warily, watching him. He takes a step closer and you retreat.

“At least she never ‘wanted to burn all my shirts’.”

“And how would you know?” He’s still coming closer. “Just because no one’s done it …” You trail off.

Bucky hums. “No one’s ever told me my eyes ‘look criminal in this light’, either. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Bad,” you say, wincing as you bump into his dresser. “So bad.”

He’s very close to you now, his arms trapping you on both sides, towering over you. Your eyes flit between his own and his lips. That freckle.

The look on his face reminds you of late evenings on a fire escape.

Bucky’s nose bumps against yours, once, twice, as if testing the waters. You don’t think you can breathe. His eyes are so dark when he looks at you, the longing suddenly bursting through the surface, and you realize you’ve both been pretending for far too long.

His brows are knitted slightly, contemplative, as if he’s trying to commit you to memory. If he weren’t standing so close, you’d be shaking.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, and the words explode into a million butterflies in your stomach. “You did get stuck in my head.”

And then he kisses you.

The rain stops.

thank you so much for reading!! please don't forget to leave a comment or a reblog if you enjoyed this 💛 if you want to see more of my writing, check out my masterlist or follow @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications!!

#marvel #bucky barnes x reader #hurt/comfort #this was so ka-yooooot T____T <3 #q

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cinnamonghost · 1 year ago

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Learning the hard way that I can't play the new Wario Ware game.

#playing it and then it started talking about the strap . I was like oh okay I can mange maybe #then comes another pose where you need to have one of the joysticks dangling down #I only found one and it was in my closest I honestly do not know where the other one is #</3 #I love this game it's literally so fun T____T

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corneille-moisie · 1 year ago

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i should have known this place was hungry for 20 years old megapixelated crunchy schwarz stein videos 🤔

#hungry for the same crumbs for 20 years #im not the only fan they made insane i see 👀#(said lovingly)#a visual kei post #tbh i only put it on here because i got excited the same way i got excited when i saw that back then but like....#i keep forgetting that we're not in 2005-2011 and we dont have to dig and hope for the best anymore #i had only 3 songs from them for years T____T #rise to heaven queen of decadence and fester love lol and these will always have a very special place in my heart for that reason #i fucking love schwarz stein ok T_T

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moonferry · 5 months ago

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yk when u want a specific type of content but it like doesn't exist so u have to make it urself..

anyway have some bachelors x masc farmer ideas/headcanons/rambles. idk i just say words. long post so strap in, folks! honestly these could be considered gn if u squint bc i don't really use masc pronouns in the writing, however there are mentions of masc labels (boyfriend, husband)

mentions of internalized homophobia + depression

i may do bachelorettes x fem farmer next so stay tuned :3

harvey:

- wears his boyfriend's/husband's shirts. literally no exceptions. if you wore it, he is going to wear it too. you left a shirt at his place? oh. it's his now. and he's going to be smiling the entire time he wears it. this being said, i think he'd totally be like T____T it doesn't smell like you anymore and ask for a different one.

- loves to compliment your appearance or just you in general (in my play through he literally says "you look so handsome. did you shave?" like 3 times a week)

- personally, i see harvey as being bisexual + super open about it. like everyone in town supports him & they're so ecstatic for him when they see he has a boyfriend.

- if you have yet to ask him out, though, and he's realizing his feelings i think it would be very hard for him to hide them. someone could be asking him something and you walk into the clinic? his entire train of thought is GONE. i'm talking they have to wave their hand in front of his face to get his attention back.

- don't even get me STARTED on if you propose. he'd literally walk into the clinic, slam his coffee on the reception desk and be like, "MARU, LOOK." pretty sure he fainted and maru had to fan him back to consciousness.

elliott:

- despite elliott's openness with his own sexuality, i think he was terrified of your rejection. not too terrified obviously because something something inspiration from painful experiences yada yada. if you ended up not being interested in him, he probably would've gotten over it - but don't be surprised if you notice some strange subtext in his writing. he's a romantic writer - if he has feelings, they're going to get written down. sorry folks.

- but * yay * you didn't reject him, so elliott is still inspired. maybe you even become the next love interest in his newest novel? who knows.

- in his 14 heart event, he writes a series of letters to you because he has to leave pelican town for a week. i absolutely loved this idea and i think elliott would do this even if he was in the town. they could be something as mundane as what he did that day/week and he just. put it in the mailbox. you still enjoy reading them, though.

- i think he absolutely loves using "my" like "my man", "my husband" "my beloved" just anything, really. he loves you so much - and he knows he doesn't own you, obviously, he's just so glad he is lucky enough to call you his.

alex:

- i think alex was TERRIFIED of falling in love with you. in his 10 heart event, he mentions telling himself that he shouldn't experience these feelings for another man. every act of kindness you showed him ate away at his heart and it drove him crazy.

- i think he experienced a little internal homophobia before finally realizing that it was okay. it doesn't help that george is so adamant about him finding a girlfriend (and that george has a little homophobic arc 🥲). alex probably internalized these ideas and pushed himself into his gridball/weightlifting obsession to quiet his mind.

- after he finally worked up the courage to tell you how he felt - and was entirely relieved when you felt the same way - it was as if a weight removed itself from his chest. he could finally breathe again. the world seemed different - in a good way. colors were more vivid, sounds were more pleasing to hear, the earth felt solid underneath his feel for once. he wasn't afraid of anything, especially not with you beside him.

- now, he proudly walks around the town with your hand in his, smiling to himself.

- sometimes those thoughts start to seep back in, though. like when he's about to sleep at night and his brain just can't shut up. he starts to hate himself again, and then he feels you press against him or hears you mutter in your sleep and his heart softens.

- also he got george and evelyn shirts that say "i love my gay grandson" they wear them proudly.

shane:

- surprised that anyone took a romantic interest in him, not surprised by the fact that you're a guy.

- i don't think shane has a "preference" for dating someone, he goes based off of vibes + personality rather than gender or appearance. he also doesn't label himself or his sexuality/romantic attraction.

- he's definitely a shirt lender. like you see a nice jacket in his closet and you're like "hey, hun, can i borrow this?" "sure."

- thinks you look amazing in his clothes. probably puts the best ones on hangers (or at the top of the clothing pile) in hopes that you'd choose them.

- even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's super afraid of losing you. because of his mental illness, he can't help but think that every good thing he has will be taken away from him or that he "doesn't deserve" them. (he does, and you often remind him of this if he gets too into his head).

- i picture him reaching over and placing a hand on your arm in the middle of the night JUST to make sure you were still there and not the universe playing a cruel joke on him.

- can cook, but he's so used to making frozen dinners that he often forgets to.

- if you're taller than him, forehead kisses are a MUST. he will not let you leave the farmhouse until he receives his daily forehead kiss.

- i think he loves being the little spoon. it just makes him feel safer, more grounded in a way. he's been at the point where it feels like nothing is permanent and it can all end in the blink of an eye, so being spooned helps him realize that it isn't all that bad and that it will be okay, given the right time and effort.

- shane definitely falls asleep on his husband's chest like.. once a week.

- because mental illness is a constant battle, i imagine shane still gets "bad days". but don't worry! his loving husband is here to help. shane's depressive episodes usually consist of lying in bed (often for days at a time) and it's extremely hard for him to do anything. but the farmer is used to this - he's definitely read up on mental health books and how to support someone with depression. the farmer never tries to force shane out of bed or tells him that he needs to "get over it". the farmer often checks on him in between their farm duties. i imagine when the farmer is completely finished, they sits down on the edge of the bed and play with shane's hair or rubs their hand up and down his back:

"hey shane, are you okay?"

"i will be."

"i love you, chickadee."

"i know."

"do you want some ice cream?"

"yes, please."

sam:

- by far, the most "affectionate"? in a way.

- sammy loves pda im sorry. if you two are walking along, he has to be touching you in some way - whether it's holding your hand. your arm looped through his own, your hand in his hoodie pocket, etc. he just needs physical contact. i also think he'd look at you with big, wet eyes and wait until you kiss him.

- he takes you to band practice !!! seb and abby don't really mind, and you even offer some input on how they should approach their next song.

- absolute golden retriever boyfriend. can and will curl up on your lap and cuddle against you (even if he's ridiculously tall and lanky).

- if and when you attend all his shows/concerts, he definitely pulls you on stage once the set it over and kisses you publicly - sebastian and abigail just roll their eyes (this happens every single time. they're used to it).

- probably has your name written on his guitar.

- i think kent and jodi would be some of the most supportive people ever - they're just happy their son found someone to be with, regardless of gender.

- i think kent would probably sit you down and give you "the talk" about *grumble grumble* if you break my son's heart *grumble grumble*. not that you would, obviously, you adore sam. but kent's words do put the fear of god in you - this is the man who sends you bombs in the mail as a "friendly gesture"

- don't let that fool you, though, kent will be an absolute waterfall if you and sam get married. i also think he'd be more of a "ask for his blessing" before proposing kind of guy, but he'd give it willingly.

- sam loves it when you run a hand through his hair (if he had a tail, it would be wagging).

- sam puppyboy au? thinking thoughts...

sebastian:

- i think the only one surprised that seb has a boyfriend is seb himself. he always pictured himself a "loner for life" and DEFINITELY didn't expect to fall in love with this weird farm boy.

- he probably spends more time at the farm house/wherever you two hang out than his own home. but who could blame him?

- he was so confused about his feelings that he ended up talking to maru for help (crazy, right?) the two of them built a pillow fort near maru's telescope and spent hours talking. it was quiet nice. this helped him realize two things: 1) maybe his sister wasn't all that bad and 2) he was DEFINITELY in love with another man. he didn't know which was more confusing.

- i think sebastian likely confessed first in a sort of "nonchalant" way. i think the conversation went like this:

farmer,teasing: "oooh, you wanna kiss me sooo bad it makes you look stupid."

seb: "yeah, i do."

neither of you were prepared for that. i think he would ease the tension by just. ignoring what he just said.

- i think he smiles like a frog . a sort of :} if you will. like bulbasaur.

- speaking of bulbasaur, that is definitely his favorite pokémon. oh and froakie. he just like the little frog dudes. would love you forever if you won him a plushie from the claw machine.

- it's no secret that seb often thinks no one would notice if he left, but getting closer to you made him realize that.. someone would. and maybe that's enough.

- if he stays up late working on a project, just walk over to his desk and wrap him into a back hug. bonus points if you voice is gravelly from sleep. "let's go to bed, sebby." he'd melt. like full on puddle on the ground.

- because sebastian is like 5'6 you'd think he enjoys being the small spoon. WRONG!!! he is a big spoon exclusively. you don't mind, though.

- he would die if you played with his hands while cuddling. please give this boy some physical affection. he deserves it.

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cinnalock · 9 months ago

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OMG this is so amazing!! All the details and everything was so sweet and wonderful to read thank you so much for some much time you put into these, I'm so happy!!!

Romantic, Platonic, and Smut Yu Yu Hakusho Match-Ups for Heartlish

In my opinion, your ideal Yu Yu Hakusho romantic match is SHUICHI MINAMINO!

Okay, I know this might sound a little bit repetitive with the rest of my matches, but I do think your romantic relationship with human Kurama really did start out as a friendship. Even if you were attracted to him right off and developed a crush on him, and even if he was attracted to you right from the start as well, I just really do see him being most comfortable with the two of you really getting to know each other, who you are as people, what you like and dislike as people, and developing an actual bond as friends before he is ready to move to dating you. It's just his comfort zone and thankfully, you are really okay with giving other people their space, respecting their comfort zones, and being patient.

Now, I think the fact that you are more introverted when people first meet you was actually something that Kurama didn't mind at all. In fact, he liked that you were quiet, honestly. He's not really into the life of the party, center of attention kind of people, loud and boisterous types. He has enough of those around him in some of his friends and though he definitely can like those kinds of people as friends, I don't see them as being the type he gravitates towards romantically. Plus, how quiet and slow you are to open up made you a mystery to him in some ways and that really intrigued him. It felt rewarding, every new bit that you opened up to him in regards of who you really as you grow more comfortable with him really feels like little rewards and prizes to him, keeps him putting in the effort and interested. Even after the two of you have known each other for years, I still feel he's learning new things about you, discovering new sides of you and that's something he really does love about you. Besides, the fact that you try really hard to still be friendly and kind, even when your shyness acts up and you're experiencing anxiety around people was admirable to him from the start, since with as perceptive as he is, Kurama definitely had noticed your anxiety and how hard you were trying.

While Kurama doesn't mind that you tend to be more of a follower than someone who really likes to take the lead and make plans (which actually works out well for him, honestly, as he loves to plan and take the lead on things, especially when the two of you get together romantically), he does notice if you're not really okay with something. He definitely does encourage and does everything he can to make you feel as comfortable as you can speaking up, voicing your opinions, and making your wants and needs known. And, since he does realize that's a hard thing for you to do, he does subtly praise you whenever you do do that, something he started even when the two of you were just friends but that he makes more noticeable when you do become romantically involved and he gets more comfortable being verbally intimate with you. In fact, that being verbally intimate and being more flirtatious with you was how you really did realize that he liked you back and had become interested in having a relationship with you, before he even made a move to start dating you. In case you're wondering, that move was subtle, and the change from friendship to romantic relationship was just a smooth transition, though he would verbally confirm with you that the two of you were a couple, because he knows you really know the reassurance and confirmation.

Now, I do think one of the things that allow you and Kurama to form such a strong bond first and then such a solid relationship with each other is that the both of you have a huge amount of respect for each other. This is most shown in how much space and time the two of you are willing to give each other and the trust you show each other in knowing that taking that time away from each other doesn't mean that you don't love each other and definitely doesn't mean either of you are trying to step out or 'get away' from the other. It's just that both you and Kurama are people who do really need their alone time. Kurama is a busy person, who dedicates a lot of his time already to his family and friends, and does give you as much of his time as he possibly can, but even he just needs time to himself to be at peace and pursue the things he loves by himself. And because he is that way himself, he recognizes your need for alone time and gives it just as much respect as you allow him. He never makes you feel smothered or pressured to text him back right away and all day, to call him all the time, to spend all your time with him. In fact, he encourages you to take the time you need to recharge, knowing you have a low social battery, and encourages you to have strong friendships and family bonds away from him as well. He wants to be a wonderful and loved addition to your life, but not your entire life, as that is the way he considers you in his own mind.

However, that's not to say that it's not abundantly clear, to the both of you and even to those who are close enough to observe the two of you together, that the two of you don't truly care about, value, and love the other. Those close to Kurama will know how important you are to him, and he also makes sure that you know that too. He's not going to be quoting poetry, giving grand declarations of love and showering you with compliments and grand romantic gestures, but he will never leave you wondering about how he truly feels about you. He shows you in all the small ways, subtly, how much he loves spending time with you and looks forward to doing so. He'll give you his full attention whenever the two of you are alone together, and if you're out together with others, he makes sure you're comfortable and always involved in conversations and in what's going on and gives you more attention than anyone else around, unless the situation does not allow him to do so.

Kurama realizes, early on in knowing you, that you struggle with your own self-image and self-esteem and he does make sure that you know he's truly happy to be with you. He'll give sincere compliments to you whenever he can, makes subtle comments to let you know how highly he thinks of you and how much he is enjoying either your dates, hanging out with you, or just simply being in your company. He is affectionate with you, most overtly in private, but will be subtly affectionate with you in public too, to reassure your mind that he isn't the least bit ashamed to be with you and that he wants everyone to know that you are his.

Kurama also realizes, though you try to hide it, that you do have a slight issue with jealousy and he will do his best to never give you a reason to doubt him. He knows how much you despise anyone who would cheat on their partner, and he gives you every reason in the world to know, truly and deeply, that he would never disappoint you like that, that you are the person he not only wants to be with, but chooses to be with every day. The fact is that Kurama is a very handsome man and he is used to love confessions and being hit on, but he always turns the people down gently but firmly and leaves the situation as quickly as possible. If it's absolutely needed and at all possible for him to do so, he will stop interacting or being around the people who were interested in him to make you feel more secure and happy.

Once he realizes and learns that you do kind of fear that the people you love will leave you, grow sick of you, forget about and abandon you, Kurama will step up his game, though it's still subtle because again, he's not a grand gesture kind of man, at least not publicly or even in front of his loved one. Like, he would die for you, but not in front of you. He makes sure that you become convinced of his feelings and that you know that he chooses and will keep choosing you every day, that he plans to be with you not just for today but for months, years, a lifetime. I could even see him giving you a commitment ring - it is not a marriage ring, but just something to symbolize your commitment to each other, maybe in the form of a claddagh ring or even a locket instead of a ring. If it helps you feel secure and safe with him, he will do anything happily.

Now, Kurama is quick to notice how self-sacrificing you are. It's something he finds admirable, how you work so hard for other's happiness. You're always willing to step in, lend a hand, help others and he does love you about that. You're supportive not just to him but to everyone in your life. And he thinks that is an amazing thing, something that he really isn't (unless it's towards you, his friends, and his family) and he does praise you for it. However, he is also quick to notice how much it can burn you out. And he's not going to let you do that for too long. He'll gently nudge you into taking breaks, into stepping back and taking time for you, and he'll do it so smoothly and subtly that you won't even realize he's doing it. At the end of the day, while he does find those traits admirable, his main priority and worry is for your health and happiness and he won't allow others to take so much of you that you have nothing for yourself. And he will never expect you to give him that level of support either, being careful about how much of his own issues he lets you in on, never overloading you but instead using you as a source of comfort and support whilst keeping your happiness and health a priority. He lets you know he needs you in his life and needs your optimism and support, but won't let you overdo it. And the second he realizes that you are feeling overwhelmed or are in need of support yourself, Kurama is always willing to listen to you, to be there for you.

He also is quick to notice these traits of yours, how helpful you are and how good you are to people, do attract some people who really don't have your best interests at heart. People who would use you…you might not even notice these people are until it's too late and you're worn down and used. Or at least, you might have gotten that way before you really became someone Kurama cared about. Once you are his friend, and especially when you become his lover, those kinds of people don't actually get to be in your life. They might try, they might spend brief periods of time there, but the second Kurama realizes their intentions, they just seem to disappear from your life. Kurama would rather soothe your hurt feelings that these people seemingly abandoned you than let you be used and left worn out and burnt out.

Something both you and Kurama have in common is that you both have very sensitive noses and keen senses of smell. And smells really do mean a lot to the both of you, as you're more easily offended by smells that aren't agreeable to the either of you. Kurama will definitely take your favourite smells into consideration, bringing you flowers (your favourites, such as lilacs or cherry blossoms) and even taking your opinions into consideration when it comes to the cologne he wears, the toiletries he uses, but he expects you to take his keen nose into consideration as well and his preferences or dislikes of certain smells.

While Kurama doesn't share all of your hobbies, he does try his best to take interest in them and encourage your enjoyment of them. He's not really big into YouTube, to be honest, but he'll be more than willing to listen to you talk about your favourite YouTubers and will, if the videos aren't too long, be willing to sit and watch certain videos that you feel are too great to not share with him. He does learn to like a lot of comedians because of your love of stand-up comedy, and I could even see him getting the two of you tickets to one of your favourites if they were to come to the area, as a fun date idea. He would tell you, ahead of time, that he had planned a special night out, knowing how much you hate not being informed of plans ahead of time, and would tell you how to dress and such, but he would want to leave the actual activity a surprise for you.

I also see you getting him into one or two anime series, and it becomes a really quiet, lazy night date for the two of you. You find a show the both of you enjoy and it becomes 'your series' together, that the two of you only watch with each other on those lazy date nights. I can also see you getting him into a couple of video games, since he does enjoy playing those by himself every now and again. I can really see you getting him mostly into the more tactical and strategic games like Final Fantasy XIV, where the two of you will adventure together and, at a time he's feeling really romantic, will even have your characters get married in game, or Elder Scrolls IV. While he doesn't really get into some of your other favourite games though, as always, he's willing to listen to you talk about them to him and share your excitement and enjoyment of them with him.

Another of your hobbies that Kurama will really encourage you in is your passion for baking. While he is happy that you find so much joy at your current job (and has more of a taste himself for noodles than for baked goods), he's going to always encourage your passions and urge you to follow your dreams. Honestly, even if the two of you do decide to spend your lives together and even with you hope of having found that person to settle into life with, Kurama still wants you to always follow your own passions and dreams alongside his dreams and the dreams and goals the two of you will build together. Since he knows you really don't want the ownership of a bakery, he'll keep an eye and ear out for any openings at bakeries and will help you research the businesses and encourage you to apply to the ones that he approves of, that he feels will treat you as the amazing additon to their team that he knows you will be.

And he definitely encourages not just your dreams but your short term goals. When he learns that you really do want to start working out, he happily becomes not just your gym buddy and spotter, but also your partner in some of those fitness classes you're interested in. I also do really see him planning out fitness and training regiments for you as a way of helping you out.

Kurama is not naturally a huge animal person himself. He does enjoy animals and he would certainly never mistreat one, but he's not quite prepared for how many you have. Thankfully, he is surprisingly good with and gets along with cats well, though it might take a while for them to warm up to him (being partially fox demon, after all). He does his best to embrace your many animal children, while you give him lots of room and embrace his many plant babies, since I do think he's really big on gardening and keeping house plants.

I also really love this cute idea that popped into my head regarding the two of you, where if there is a period where the both of you have been working super hard and haven't gotten the opportunity to really be with each other much, and don't have the energy to really do much, you guys just have nap dates, where you two just cuddle and there's pillow talks and quiet hour or two long naps to refresh the two of you and give you that couple time before your busy schedules have to resume again.

Kurama is willing to try out lots of different types of food with you and dinner dates are a regular thing, with the two of you exploring the many restaurants available to you. In fact, it's rare for the two of you to go to any one restaurant too routinely, other than the one you work at, because you both challenge each other to try new foods and are always trying to figure out if you can agree on the best restaurant in town. What he's not too willing to try, though, is alcohol. I personally really don't see Kurama as being much of a drinker at all, though he doesn't mind if you imbibe. He just asks you to be respectful of his choice to not really drink or to only rarely do so and to pick bars that will serve him mocktails or at least delicious non-alcoholic beverages.

While Kurama really does prefer to stay close to his family, or to go to places he's comfortable with, when he realizes that travelling is a big thing for you, he does his best to satisfy that. And honestly, as long as the trips aren't too long and he does get a sizeable chunk of time back with his family and friends at home before the next trip, he really does enjoy getting to see the world with you. He makes a great travel partner, happily chipping in financially towards your trips together, if not paying outright, and he's a terrific planner, researching the places you're travelling to and finding fun or lesser known attractions and sights for the two of you to check out. Your itineraries on trips with him will always leave you the perfect mix of sight-seeing, date nights abroad, and just time to relax and enjoy each other and the new location.

Runners Up: Kuwabara, Suzuki, Yomi, Kaname, Younger Toguro

In my opinion, your ideal Yu Yu Hakusho platonic match is MITSUNARI YANAGISAWA!

I'm going to be honest. A lot of people don't really get your friendship with Yana, not right off the bat. Nobody expected the two of you to get along as well as you do and you seem to be complete opposites in a lot of regards. He's more laid-back and somewhat spacey and 'weird' in comparison to your more focused, helpful and supportive nature. He's lazy in comparison to your diligent; not as up to date on pop culture or what's 'cool' in comparison to your love of pop culture. However, the fact of the matter is that the two of you really clicked right from the get-go, get along like a match to gasoline, and your friendship with each other is a really solid one. The two of you support each other, balance each other out, and motivate the other to improve and grow as people, which are features all the best of friendships should have.

Both you and Yana can be on the quiet side, and that did happen when the two of you first met. The friendship wasn't instantly deep and good, and it took a little while for the two of you to really get to know each other. However, Yana didn't mind your more introverted nature. He understands it somewhat, honestly, and doesn't pressure you to talk more than your comfortable with. However, what really got you was that, when you did talk, he always made sure to pay attention to what you were saying and always seemed interested. You never doubted that he genuinely wanted to get to know you and liked you, which is probably why, even when the two of you were just kind of sitting in silence, you felt more comfortable with him right from the start then you do with most people.

Yana and you both do kind of go with the flow of things, are both more followers than leaders. It can make it a little difficult at times for the two of you to make plans, but at the same time, neither of you put pressure on the other to constantly decide and he never makes you feel like you're wrong in anyway for not being very forward and confident in expressing what you want to do or confident in taking command. He likes that you don't expect that from him either. That's not to say he's not going to celebrate the steps you've been taking in becoming more confident, being more vocal about what you want and in taking command at work. He definitely will and you'll know he's proud of you, but just please don't expect that from him. He's glad to see you change and grow in those ways, but being that laid back and okay with what other people want is just a part of him and it's a part of him that he rather likes, honestly.

Both you and Yana always know that the other really does enjoy hanging out together, spending time with each other, and you two do have fun doing even the simplest of things together. Neither of you leaves the other doubting how much you both enjoy each other, which is why Yana really is okay and understanding about you needing alone time and sometimes a really fair amount of alone time. He gets that your social battery just isn't as large as his and he's willing to give you time and space whenever you need it. If you do get snippy and irritable towards him because your battery is running low socially…well, it kind of doesn't even phase Yana. He's really very able to shrug that kind of stuff off easily, lets it roll off his shoulders and he forgets what was said without you even needing to apologize or ask him to forget it. He gets that, even if your words can be harsh at times, you really don't mean him any harm or ill intent, so you're not likely trying to be mean to him and that it's just something bothering you.

Yana really does see all the great things about you, much like you see the positives about him. He sees how hard you always work to support and help people around you and especially the people you care about. He's not really huge on compliments, so it's not often he gives them to you, but if he notices you're feeling blue, you're getting down on yourself, or that you're starting to really feel taken for granted, he does give those compliments out to you, reminding you that you're this amazing person, a good person, that he sees how hard you work and that he really appreciates both your friendship and you as a person.

He does honestly love that you are so supportive towards him and while, like I said, he's not huge on compliments unless he notices you really need them, Yana will put in efforts to make sure that you do realize he does appreciate your support, patience for his quirks, and listening ear. If you listen to his problems or help him out with something, he really does try to remember to thank you for doing so. He's not perfect, and there will be times he does kind of space out and forget to do so but he does his best and it does help you not feel so taken for granted, at least with him.

And he's not just expecting you to give. While he might not notice right away that you're having a tough time, especially since you do kind of try to handle your own issues without really involving others, and can fake being okay, when he does realize it, he's always going to be willing to listen to you and he'll ask what he can do to help. He's not going to know how to help unless you tell him, but he does genuinely want to help. Just let him know anything he can do, small or big, and he'll do his best for you.

While he might not be able to read your moods all the best and can be absent-minded or not spectacularly observant, he is surprisingly observant in one way. Your eagerness to help really does sometimes open you up to people taking advantage of you, which you don't always recognize right away. Yana though? You're his best friend, he really does truly care about you, and because he's not often directly in the situation, he sees those people's intentions to use you way before you do and he's always going to bluntly tell you that they're using you. It can sometimes lead to you two arguing but it's really just him trying to look out for you, because he hates seeing people take advantage of your kind nature.

He also kind of finds it admirable that no matter how many times life knocks you down, you never lose your optimism and keep on going forward and you really do help inspire him to live the same way, while he will inspire you to start standing up for yourself more and to see your own self-worth.

Like I mentioned, while he is aware of television and video games and such, Yana really isn't up to date on pop culture and doesn't really know a lot of it or what is popular. You really help introduce him to a lot of different anime, YouTubers, comedians, and different video games. He loves learning about your favourites and you help him kind of take more of an interest in pop culture in general. If he ends up loving one of the shows or comedians you show him, he'll show up on a night he knows you're free with lots of snacks and take-out for supper and the two of you will have fun binging the show or the stand-up specials. As far as video games, I can see Yana getting really into Animal Crossing because of you and he's always excited to share the new villagers he got with you or the changes he's made to his village and he likes seeing yours. I can also see you getting him really into Final Fantasy XIV. Even when the two of you can't be together in person, either because your social battery is depleted or the two of you are just busy, I think you guys adventure together online a lot in game and he tends to gift you the subscription to the game on your birthday every year.

I do think Yana really supports your baking hobby. He has a sweet tooth and loves your treats when you bake for him. He always finds things to compliment you on about them and given how many of them he can eat in a sitting, you definitely know the compliments are genuine. While he's glad you're happy in your current workplace, he definitely supports your dream of someday working at a bakery, assuring you that you would be a great fit and a benefit to any bakery that you end up in. When you do end up in a bakery, he becomes one of its best customers, both to support you and to satisfy his sweet tooth. At current though, he still tries to support you in your current job, frequenting the dumpling and noodle shop you work at and recommending it to his other friends.

Yana really isn't a fan of working out, not really into exercising and such. He admires your goal of starting a regular workout routine and if you really needed a gym buddy, he'd put aside his own dislike of gyms and would go with you until you could find your own motivation to get there all by yourself. When you start to take classes at the circus arts school, taking your lessons in things like aerial silks and poledancing, he's definitely going to show up and bring other friends along to any showcases you're a part of, both as support and to show off how cool his best friend is.

I do think travelling is something Yana is surprisingly very into and something he'd really like to do. The two of you keep each other motivated and on track in saving up the money to take at least yearly vacations to travel, sometimes even taking those trips together as friends to help each other out on costs and to give each other a good travelling buddy for safety.

A small little thing, but I see Yana doing small things like always carrying around extra gum that he'll encourage you to take and chew to help you not bite your nails as much. Given how much smells matter to you and your superior sense of smell, while I do headcanon that he smells like bubble gum and soap a lot of the time, Yana also lets you choose a cologne for him and good smelling bath products since the two of you spend a fair amount of time together and he wants you to be around smells that are nice for you. He also knows, what with that great sense of smell, anything you choose for him will likely also help him out with other people enjoying the smell and possibly even help him out with the ladies.

Yana will definitely kind of adopt your animals as surrogate pets of his own. He really does love most animals, finds them easier to deal with than most people, and he'll constantly be showing up with treats and toys for your animals (though your hedgehog is kind of his favourite, even if he won't admit it). He might even possibly get you into working with him at an animal shelter or rescue, since it's something he's always kind of been interested in doing himself and sharing the experience with a friend will motivate him to get around to actually doing so.

It's funny. Yana will definitely be up for drinking nights with you and he ends up loving any really fruity and colourful cocktails, though it might be on you to watch his intake and make sure he gets home safely, opposite to what most people would assume (that since you're a girl, he's going to have to watch your drinks and make sure you don't get too tipsy). Truth is, he's a cheap drunk though a very, very happy and absent-minded one. Drunk Yana might genuinely forget where he lives, so please make sure the man gets home safe.

While he's not exactly the most adventurous of eaters, you will slowly be able to start getting him to try new dishes and cuisines with him. Once you learn his tastes and can ensure that he'll like the things you suggest and he learns that you're right more times than not, he does slowly open up, though he's still kind of a fussy eater.

Yana actually isn't bad as an artist and he does have an interest in it and other creative things, so I see him not only supporting your drawing and writing hobbies. He'll be overall positive about anything you do, finding things to like about it, and you're normally one of the first people he shows his own artwork too. He'll also want to take you to art installations and galleries and will really like it if you encourage his love of art, share it with him, and find things to compliment about his artwork.

The thing I do see you and Yana really having in common. You both really love monsters and eldritch abominations. He's actually a really big Lovecraft fan and he kind of always thought monsters were cool, from the time he was a little kid. While he doesn't share quite your level of interest in them, he is all for sharing that interest with you, whether it be talking about different cryptids and possible monster sightings, watching monster movies with you (though since he knows how much you hate jumpscares, he does his best not to suggest any movies with jumpscares in them), or suggesting books about monsters.

I do think how strongly you disapprove of certain things will help Yana become a better person overall too. Knowing how much you look down on people cheating or taking the easy way out does help him start to really correct and crack down on his urges to do that and he becomes a better person because he doesn't want to let you down.

The only real thing I see the two of you fighting about with any regularity is that Yana can be absent minded at times and he often just gets thoughts that pop up and that he acts upon randomly, so he can sometimes forget how much you hate last minute plans and surprises. He does try his best to remember, but he slips up most frequently on that and it can cause fights between the two of you.

Overall though, you accept his faults and he accepts yours. He understands that you need attention and reassurance and also understands that you can sometimes be jealous and in exchange for putting up with his flaws and faults and doing your best to accommodate them, he understands yours and puts in the work to help you not feel that way. He doesn't push you for your time and attention, doesn't mind that sometimes it can take you days to answer a text or return a phone call. He never leaves you wondering if you matter in his life and makes you a visible priority. He expects the same from you though and you happily give him that. All in all, I do think it's a really happy, solid friendship between the two of you.

Runners Up: Yukina, Keiko, Genkai, Kaname, Mukuro, Kido, Jorge

In my opinion, your ideal Yu Yu Hakusho smutty match is YOKO KURAMA!

Okay, so just to make it really clear, I'm matching you specifically with Yoko Kurama and not human Kurama. The two of them really do have different and distinct personalities and, in my opinion, they really have very different sexual preferences and tastes as well. Yoko Kurama's tastes really run along the same lines as yours though. He loves the fact that you enjoy giving blowjobs, because he really enjoys getting them. Yeah, they're an important part of foreplay for him but he'll also have times where he really wants the blowjob to be the whole entire event, for him to just be spoiled and pampered that way and he's happy that you enjoy giving them enough to be satisfied with that (and a toy inside you while doing so, because you should get off to). He can get a little rough during blowjobs, especially when he's really getting close to cumming, when he'll definitely be gripping your hair and controlling your movements, or full out just face fucking you, so be prepared for that.

Dirty talk is also definitely a thing with him, both during foreplay, the blowjobs, and just sex in general. The type of dirty talk he's engaging in will change slightly, depending on his moods and the type of sexual activity being engaged in, but it always tends to veer more towards the teasing side, telling you how cute you look all red and flushed and whimpering, how naughty you're being and how he'll have to punish you, and things along that line. Dirty talk with him also really does begin early on in the seduction phase of sexual activity, and he'll think nothing of pulling you close in public and whispering in your ear all the things he's going to do to that beautiful body of yours the second he gets the opportunity to. In fact, starting that teasing and sexual anticipation early is almost necessary for his sexual pleasure and eventual sexual release.

Okay, I do strongly headcanon that you and Yoko Kurama have the exact same favourite position, doggy-style. While that won't be the only way he wants you, because he'll want you in every position imaginable, will want to see your body stretch and contort and move and see all your reactions to the different positions, but doggy will be a very frequent position used and it's how he finds he cums the easiest, so it's normally the last position used.

Whatever the position, I'm going to go into a possibly controversial opinion here. Yoko Kurama is a fox demon and, as such, I don't really think he has an entirely human-like penis in his demon form. Knotting is something foxes do and I do honestly think that, if you're okay being filled with his seed (and if you are, he might have a hidden breeding kink, especially a consensual 'forced breeding' kink that you'll have to make peace with), he'll definitely knot you and fill you full as often as he can. Besides, he kind of loves the afterglow and the time spent in you after your shared orgasms as the knot goes down, so there's that positive to it as well, as he'll be very physically affectionate and oddly romantic in those afterglow moments.

I will mention another slightly odd headcanon I have but I think both human Kurama and Yoko Kurama both smell really good. Like, no matter what, both these men just smell really damn good all the time, and that's something about him that had really appealed to you. Once he does notice how affected by smells you are, Yoko Kurama will really make sure to incorporate pleasant smells into your sex life with him, by scented candles, scented intimate oils, making sure there's fresh flowers nearby, and things of the like.

I do think Yoko Kurama is open to some more extreme kinks. Roleplay likely started off light and more along the lines of the everyday roleplaying but he can very creative, once comfortable in your sex life, with some riskier or more elaborate roleplay scenarios…making you run, prey to his predator, can be one of his favourites, if it's something you're open to. And exhibitionism is definitely just as much fun for him as it is for you. He'll be open to gangbangs, though I can't see him participating in them actively but rather enjoying watching you be fucked and used by the multiple partners, teasing you and saying filthy, naughty things to you while he watches. As long as you know that you're his, something he will make very clear, he's more than willing to let you indulge that kink of yours and will find enjoyment in it as well. He also loves ordering you to not wear undergarments whenever the two of you are out in public, and believe me, he will sneakily check to make sure you've followed his orders and he'll find a suitable punishment should you not.

Runners Up: Hiei, Shishiwakamaru, Sakyo, Sensui

#this is so incredible #i can't believe how much work went into this T____T #thank you so so so much!!!! <3<3<3<3

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