#TOTALLY AM NOT HYPERVENTILATING WHEN I SAW THIS----

[seraphinitegames]

Sera! I can’t believe Dragon Age spoiled that Rook didn’t die and instead got sent to Thedas! So rude of them not to wait for you to reveal that yourself!

On a serious note I think it’s so funny that the next Dragon Age protag is named Rook too 😂 I low-key want to make a DA Rook based on one of my Detective’s Dads (and probably have him romance Neve since she seems like Rebecca 👀)

It took me a while to realise the Rook name as I was screaming most of the way through the reveals for DA: Veilguard, lol! :D

When I saw it was Rook, I then went about screaming again, hehe!

I am TOTALLY making a DA protag Rook based on MC's father Rook—I mean, how can I not? Lol! I feel sorry for the companions who have to deal with that much charm mixed with snark…

I am absolutely hyperventilating in anticipation! I can't believe we finally have some information on the game!!!

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 38 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

Hey guys big tigger warning on this chapter! Please be very aware, I do not want anyone to feel triggered or uncomfortable by my writing. I write a lot of things from my own experience, and it does sound weird to say but writing this chapter helped me express a lot of feelings I didn't know I had. If you do not want to read this chapter I totally understand, I have tried to make the graphic scene less so. I hope anyone who has ever experienced SA or worse has been able to heal. Love you all truly, if you want to talk about anything my messages are always open, I am so happy to chat!!

TW- R*pe, SA, Violence, talks of assault, (please let me know if I missed any).

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut , @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92 @lucyfromtheoldhouse @blueberry-ovaries anyone else please let me know.

The man had dragged me into the jeep, the cold barrel of the gun pressed into my side. The replacements didn’t get to me in time, I watched them stand over Grant’s body as the soldier pulled away from the scene. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to muffle my sobs, the man kept the gun pressed into my side. 

I glanced over to him, the purple smudges under his eyes from when Don had struck him in the face. He drove erratically swerving from side to side on the road. I gripped the side of the car, nervous that I was going to fly out the side. I thought about hurling myself from the vehicle, but the thought of being crushed under the wheels and then losing the ability to get away made bile rise in my throat. 

“What do you want?” I yelled over the whip of the wind. 

The man looked towards me, the glare in his eyes made my chest clench, he looked as if he wanted to kill me. He raised his gun, I bit my lip regretting my words, squeezing my eyelids shut, I didn’t want him to be the last face I saw. The butt of the gun smashed down into my cheek, I yelped out in pain reaching up to cradle my now throbbing face. I flinched away from the man trying to crawl into the farthest reaches of the car. But it was no use, I was trapped. 

With every passing second we were getting further away from the base, if we kept going any longer I wouldn’t be able to find my way back. 

“I killed him.” The man uttered, I cautiously set my eyes back on the driver. “Your fucking boyfriend, I killed him. He got what he deserved y’know, no one fucking hits me and gets away with it.” 

My eyes widened, he thought Grant was Don. I didn’t point out the fact that he had actually gotten the wrong man. I didn’t need to give him incentive to go back to base and hurt anymore people. 

I sat as still as humanly possible, hoping that my silence would make me invisible. My hyperventilating made me feel faint. I dragged in deep breaths trying to stop the shake in my hands, but it was no use. The adrenaline that surged through my veins had me set on edge like a live wire.         

The jeep slowed, my eyes frantically searched the surrounding area. I didn’t know where I was anymore. My brain had blacked out the drive we had taken, time had lost all meaning. I didn’t know how long I had been in the car, or if we had turned along the way. 

But there didn’t seem to be anything of note for him to be stopping. So why were we? 

Unfortunately my question had been answered all too quickly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the man surging towards me, my arms came up to protect my face, but his hungry hands latched onto me. 

“No, please.” I uttered terrified. But it was no use the man tugged me down, until I was laying flat against the car seat.  

He hovered above me a sickening slimy grin shone in the dark. He eyed me like a wolf eyed its prey, I was a piece of meat and he hadn’t eaten in weeks. 

“You’re so pretty.” He muttered into my ear. By this point I was gasping for air, nothing was making its way into my lungs. My eyes burned, the places his filthy hands touched felt like acid on my skin.  

I swallowed, his gun was on the dash. I could reach out and grab it. But what if I wasn’t quick enough, or he won it off me before I could even shoot. I didn’t know where I was, if he shot me and left me out here I was surely going to die. But I didn’t want to be unconscious, not around him, I wanted to know my fate, even if it was dreadful. I couldn’t have the unknown, I didn’t want to wonder what he had done to my dead body. 

His hand clamped around my chin forcing me to look him in the eye. I felt vomit rising in my mouth. His greasy hair hung down limp and lifeless as his bloodshot eyes roamed my body. I squirmed under him as he straddled my waist. 

There was no way of getting out of this. If I wanted to live I would have to endure what was going to come. 

His fingers dug into the open wound on my cheek, a cry of pain crawled from my throat. 

“I said, you look so pretty.” The drunk man’s lips brushed my skin with every word. 

Tears streamed down the sides of my face and into my ears muffling my surroundings. I choked back sobs. My body was pinned under his, my arms by my sides. I was stuck, his body weight didn’t even give me wiggle room. 

He flashed me a wicked smile as he pulled back, his eyes were pitch black, the sound of his lips curling up around his teeth had me shaking. 

“Thank you.” I uttered, my voice breaking. 

I love you Don, please forgive me.

“Relax Emily. We’re just going to have some fun.” The man’s voice was hoarse and croaky, his breath smelt of stale liquor.

My name in his mouth made me want to scream, but we were so far away from anyone no one would hear my pleas for help.  

His hands found the tops of my thighs dragging me down further so I lay more flat in the passenger seat. My heart hammered into my chest, so hard that it physically hurt. 

The sound of his zip sliding down the track filled the silence of the night. It wasn’t long till his hands found mine, I felt his fingers brush down my crotch. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to wake up from this nightmare. I had fallen asleep on Don’s chest, I would wake up back in the room, the sound of the men’s voices would fill my senses along with the warm fire. 

But reality hit me like a tonne of bricks as the man yanked my pants down exposing me to the cold night. 

I know what I must do.

The man’s hot breath fanned across my face, making my eyes water more than they already were. 

He pulled down my pants, to just above my knees. I forced myself to relax, I knew it would be more painful if I resisted. 

I heard him grunt, the sound of my clothes ripping deafened my surroundings. I looked up to the night sky, just past his head. Thousands of tiny flickering lights filled the black void. This wasn’t my body anymore, the stars were my home. I felt myself floating up towards the sky, high above the scatter of thin clouds and into the atmosphere. 

He forced himself into me, dragging me back down to earth. I plummeted back into my body, jolting in pain and gasping for air that never gave me the satisfaction of filling my lungs. 

I focussed back on the sky, trying to not hear his moans and grunts. 

The dark void of the night pulled me up again. So high I could see all of Austria. The lake shone in the pale moonlight, the thick forest was like a black hole pulling all of the light into its vacuum. The mountains stood like tall giants against the night, looking like they were watching over the small town, its yellow flickering lights glowed warm.    

My body was a tiny spec down below, in a vacant street hidden in the trees. That body wasn’t mine, that wasn’t me down there being violated, I was up here in the heavens so far away from earth it was nothing but a crumb. 

But I could still hear her, even from so far away. I could hear her stifling sobs and her ragged breath that misted in the cold night air. I could see the shimmer of tears sliding down her cheeks and into her hair that haloed around her head. I could see her blood stained hands curled into fists as she lay perfectly still.  

The man hovered above her, the muscles of his back tensing, then shaking with release. I could see him pull back, leaving the young girl bare and lifeless as she stared up at me. Her cold eyes held no life, they glazed over not present with reality. 

Suddenly I crashed back down to earth, back into the body that wasn’t mine. I gasped for air, the sensation of my skin prickled and tingeld, I wanted it off, I wanted out again. To not be here staring up at the bright moon that tauntingly hung in the night sky. 

But my suffering wasn’t over, the man’s hands latched around my neck. I wasn’t even present enough to jump at his touch, my eyes bulged as he squeezed, cutting off my oxygen supply. I could feel the blood vessels bursting in my sclera, my temples throbbed from the pressure. I clawed at his hands as my vision started to blur. No, no, no! I needed to be conscious. I bucked against him trying to throw his weight, but the crushing sensation of my windpipe never ceased. His grip was strong. 

So I gave up, my body grew slack and heavy. I let my eyes flutter shut and my head loll back. 

I fought the urge to gulp in air as his hands released from my throat. I didn’t dare breathe until I knew I was safe.        

The man’s weight fell from my body, my eyes clamped shut. I used my other senses to try and figure out what he was doing. I dragged in short shallow breaths as I heard his side door open and the jostle of the jeep as he got out of the car. Gravel crunched under his feet, I could hear him walk away and then closer again. 

I stalled my breathing when the door behind me opened. I let my body tumble out of the car as he cursed wildly under his breath. His hands grasped under my armpits as he dragged me off the road. I could feel the texture of the ground change from small sharp rocks to soft grass. 

He grunted as he tossed me, my body rolling down into the ditch on the side of the road. I kept my body as floppy as possible so that he wouldn't suspect I was still alive.  

I lay face up, my arms thrown to the sides of my body as my legs had tangled with each other. I heard him walk back to the car but not get in. I begged silently for him to leave, but his footsteps arrived back to the edge of the bank again. 

Time stood still as I heard the mechanical cock of the gun. 

Five shots rang out in the silence. 

I was surprised I was able to choke back the scream of pain, I clamped my lips shut and prayed. Prayed that he hadn’t seen the jerk of my body as one of the bullets drove into my shoulder. 

I played dead, lying as still as possible, not knowing if he had left or not due to the ringing in my ears. I counted to 100 ten times before I cracked open my eyes. The jeep wasn’t on the side of the road anymore. 

Whimpering in pain I dragged myself up the bank, staying low to the floor. Tire marks imprinted on the gravel road he had left. I finally let myself break down, sobbing hysterically until my voice grew hoarse and the pounding behind my eyes became unbearable. 

Clutching my shoulder I rose to my feet, I fixed my pants and shirt. I gave a humourless laugh, unsure at why I was trying to make myself look presentable after all I had been through.

Hobbling down the road where we had come, I hoped I wouldn’t bleed out before I found someone.     

Malarkey POV:

       

After losing miserably at poker, I had made my way back to the barracks. I didn’t check on Em, knowing she would be tucked up in bed fast asleep by now. 

I had just drifted off to sleep when a pounding on my door caused me to sit bolt right up in bed. I lazily wandered to the door cursing under my breath at whoever it was making such a racket in the middle of the night. 

Swinging open the door I found Bull, and the rest of Easy company half awake and half dressed flowing through the corridor with urgency. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, peering out from my door.  

“When need to go, grab your things.” Bull ushered me out of the room before I could ask anymore questions. “Replacement shot Grant in the head, Speirs has given orders to track him down.” 

I looked at Bull horror on my face, he gave a grim nod confirming my question. This was real and not a sick joke.  

Tab led the men down the hall giving orders to the men. 

“Hey Lieb, he wants a noncom guarding each roadblock and at least two men watching every road out of town.” Tab strode down the hall.

Bull and I fell into stride behind him. 

“Bull, Malark, you each take a squad and one of these witnesses on a house-to-house search.” Tab explained as we followed. 

“Can we shoot this bastard on sight?” I asked. I was ready to beat the shit out of this no good son of a bitch. How dare he shoot Grant in the head. I was ready for a fight. 

“Try and take him alive.” Tab said. 

“Where’s Grant now?” Bull asked from behind me. 

“They took him to a Kraut hospital to see if they could drum up any good doctors.” Tab replied to Bull. 

We each took off to do our respective tasks. I wanted to be the one who found that fucker. 

Maybe say my hand slipped and accidentally shot him in the leg.

But with all the men we had out searching my group didn’t find him first, just my luck. 

They dragged him back to base, gathering in the main lounge. The same lounge we were all in hours before playing poker and laughing. Now the room made my head spin. By the time my men and I arrived the replacement was barely recognisable. 

Tied to a chair in the middle of the room surrounded by angry men, the soldier took a beating. I watched the man’s head snap back as blood poured from his mouth. Easy men were pissed to say the least, they took charge of the beatings. Their fists collided with the man’s face, each with gruesome crunches, as they beat the ever loving shit out of the fucker.  

I stood and watched, there was no need for me to step in, so I watched from the back of the ground with a sick satisfaction as each punch landed. 

The man’s head hung low, too weak to hold it up on his own accord. He spat on the ground, clearing his mouth of the blood. The man only groaned in pain, he didn’t utter a word otherwise. 

The men cheered with each hit. 

The doors swung open, a stoic Captain Speirs stood in the doorway. Taking in the scene before him. I could see under his calm facade the man was raging like the rest of us. The room fell silent as his footfalls hit the soft rug.  

“This him?” He asked, strolling in.

“That’s him.” Bull confirmed. The soldiers surrounding the man stepped back, letting Speirs have room to stand in front of him. 

The man coughed and gagged on his own blood. The room collectively held their breath, unsure of what Speirs was going to do. 

“Replacement. ‘I’ company.” Bull informed the Captain. 

“Where’s the weapon?” Speirs asked calmly. 

“What weapon?” The man replied in a snide tone. I scoffed, how could this person have so little respect. 

Speirs didn’t hesitate, bringing down the butt of his gun and smashing it into the jaw of the man. The replacement's head whipped to the side as blood sprayed from his mouth. 

“When you talk to an officer you say ‘sir’.” Speirs growled in a menacing tone. 

The man chuckled, hanging his head. “Maybe I left it with that whore, Sir.” 

Silence filled the room for a beat, I could feel the tension becoming thicker. I glanced at Martin who shrugged, sharing the same questioning look as me.  

“What whore?” Speirs spat, picking up the man’s head by his hair, getting into his face. The man only flashed a bloodied grin at him. 

“You know, that girl. The pretty medic. What was her name, ah, that’s right Lane. Emily Lane.” The replacement grinned sadistically. 

The room swirled as the air left my lungs. I felt as if I had been slapped in the face.  

That couldn’t be right. Emily was in bed, she was sleeping. Grant had walked her back to- hadn’t he? Or was she with him when it happened. Disbelief clouded my vision, I felt like I could barf. He was wrong, she was safe in bed. 

My heart was pounding in my ears, surely he had to be mistaken. But he said her name, he knew who she was. 

Martin’s hand clamped on my shoulder as he leaned into my vision. I shook with rage and fear. There was no way this was true. Martin’s gaze fixed with mine, he was mouthing something, or he was saying it, I couldn’t understand it either way. My white knuckles clamped at my sides. I waited for someone to speak. 

“What did you do to Emily?” Speirs snarled, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

“She just lay there and took it, like a good little slut.” 

Another blow came from Speirs as he struck him again across the face this time with his fist. I hadn’t realised but I had surged forward, both Bull and Martin held me still. 

“Wait boy, we don’t know it’s true yet.” Bull whispered beside me. 

“What did you do to her?” Ron snapped in the man’s face. As he laughed. 

“I had my way with her and then disposed of the evidence.” 

What did he mean by disposing of the evidence? My skin felt like it was on fire, the only thing I could really hear was my erratic heart rate pounding in my ears. I only saw red. Rage shook my body. 

“I’ll fucking kill you!” I roared, surging forward to get to the man. I was held back though, Johnny had a firm grip around me. I looked around the room, the men all looked horrified and disgusted. Their stares could kill. It was silent, as the man coughed up blood. I hoped he would choke on it. I was still trying to fight Martin’s grip. Why was no one doing anything! 

“Get the replacements in here now!” Speirs demanded. Someone left the room and arrived back with two skinny looking men. 

“Who was with you in the car?” Speirs boomed. The two boys shied away from the furious Captain. 

“Answer me!”

“It was us, Sergeant Grant and-” The replacement stalled looking around the room. 

“Who else, private?” Ron seethed with rage, “Who else?” Speirs' voice echoed around the room. 

“The female medic, she said her name was Em.” 

So it was true.

*****************************

Chapter 39

[allyricas]

Moving On pt. 2

part one

3,180k words

The day of the trip to Indy finally arrives and the weather does not reflect the excitement Steve feels as he loads his last bag into the trunk of his car. He knows he overpacked but wants to be ready for anything. He also has a cooler full of drinks and sandwiches along with enough junk food to make anyone sick.

He and Robin had decided to make sure they had plenty of food so they could settle in to their hotel and chill the first night. Robin had an early campus tour and Steve had a meeting with an advisor at the community college he’d be taking his cosmetology courses. They had a packed schedule considering they needed to find an apartment and jobs (together if possible) and the urge to scope out the gay scene. Or find it, at the very least.  

Steve pulled into Robin’s driveway and saw that she’d also slightly overpacked. Two halves of the same soul, the two of them. He got out and helped her load up her bags. She was holding a thermos of something and wearing a pair of Steve’s sweatpants. That’s where those went. He’d been looking for them for a week. Robin had a tendency to steal his clothes which mostly just made Steve feel all loved and shit, so he only complained for appearance’s sake.  

“Rob, my fucking sweatpants. Come on, I’ve been looking for them.” He whined. He truly didn’t mean it all.  

“Shut up, they are my pants now. They look hotter on me.” She laughed, doing a pathetic little shimmy. She was not a morning person. The messy bed head and the large amount of coffee she was inhaling made this apparent. “I am so tired, but really fucking excited. I brought the music. You are banned for the entire drive up and back. I will fucking jump out of this car if you play any sad, pining music. This is fun time not sad boy time.”   

“That tape has Whitney and George Michael on it. It’s not a total sad fest.”  

“Liar. You cry the most whenever careless whisper comes on.” Robin replied viciously.  

“Let’s uh, not talk about that please.” Steve knew he was still whining a bit, but Robbie was mean in the morning.  

The drive up went smoothly despite the terrible weather. Fifteen minutes into the drive, it started to torrentially rain. Thunder shook the car and lightning lit up the sky. Robin did in fact have all upbeat music and refused to let Steve play anything remotely sad. This was good as he was feeling rather happy in the moment. At one point it rained so hard, Steve had to pull over and wait for it to slow down as Robin started hyperventilating. What should have been an hour and fifteen-minute drive took three hours, but time spent with his best friend was always good.  

Navigating the city was invigorating (for Steve) and anxiety inducing (for Robin), but they both could barely contain their excitement when they finally pulled up to the motel they're staying at. It’s a little mom and pop place that Joyce and Hop had recommended. Why those two have a favorite motel in the city, Steve doesn't want to think to much about.

It’s a cute place, white shutters and soft yellow paint with a rustic looking sign that says The Mosey Inn. The rooms were entered from the outside, with parking all around the place. There were plants everywhere and everything had a well-loved appeal. It’s a rather nice little place. He goes in to check them in and there is an older woman at the desk. She's one of those people who radiates kindness and Steve likes her right away.  

“Hello there, dear. Welcome to the Mosey Inn. I’m one-half of Mosey, but you can call me Elise.” She’s smiling softly at him as he walks up to the desk. 

“Hi, I have a reservation for Harrington. For a suite with two queens.” He finds he’s nervous which feels silly. He grew up checking into hotels and dealing with reservations. Usually, it was at swanky hotels that his parents would leave him in before he was old enough to be all alone at home.  

“Of course, sweetie. Joyce and that sweet Jimmy told me all about you the last time they visited for the weekend. I just adore them. Jimmy did some handy work for me and the missus last time they were here. We’re getting up there in age and my Maggie cannot be climbing ladders anymore. I always give them a discount and I like the look of you, dear. I’ll give you one too.”

She’s beaming at Steve like she is thrilled to meet him which is not something he’s exactly used to. He’s thinking over what she said. The missus, her Maggie. He looks around the room and spots a tiny pink triangle on a bookshelf. Oh. This was a safe place. He owed Hop and Joyce dinner because this was the nicest surprise he’d gotten in a long time. He'd definitely be calling Hopper by the nickname Jimmy though.

“Thank you so much, ma’am. I know my friend Robin and I are going to enjoy this trip even more now knowing this is a safe place for people like us.” That felt as close to telling a stranger he was gay he could manage, but it felt huge to say it. It meant something to find this little piece of community with two women who were old enough to be his grandmothers. He felt like he might cry and for once, there were happy tears brimming in his eyes.  

“Please, call me Elise. There’s no ma’am, none of that uppity nonsense. This place is for friends, you understand.” She told him in a voice so genuine that Steve choked back a sob. He handed over his credit card and she handed him two room keys. “We offer breakfast and lunch, usually buffet style unless we say otherwise. There’s a coffee station around the corner and there’s always some sort of snacks next to it. If you need anything just give us a ring. Feel free to come chat anytime. Enjoy your stay.” 

“I think I will, Elise. I’ll bring Robin around to meet you once we’re settled, probably for breakfast tomorrow!” 

_________________________________________

As soon as Steve got back into the car, he excitedly told Robin all about Elise and her partner and how the Inn was a safe place for them. The fact that Joyce and Hopper stayed here whenever they wanted a night or two away from the chaos of their little blended family filled Steve with joy. He knew that they weren’t hateful people, but this was outright acceptance by the adults he respected most in his life. Robin was rambling on about the décor of the inn as he lugged their many suitcases into their room. She just smiled at him as he struggled.

It was cozy with two queen beds and a little kitchenette and a sitting area off to the side. There was a good size bathroom and closet. It was decorated in soft hues of yellow and green with floral bedding. It was lovely and Steve felt immensely at home in this place.  

“This place is so cute!” Steve exclaimed happily, finally collapsing onto his bed. It was comfortable too. “Damn, this is going to be a nice trip. Elise said they offer 2 meals, that there’s a coffee station with snacks and this bed is fucking soft as hell.” 

“So basically, we can save a ton of money and try to eat here most of the time is what I'm hearing you say Steven?” This seemed to genuinely thrill Robin.  

“Absolutely, we can go visit with them tomorrow during breakfast. It’s from 6:30 to 8:30.” Steve knew this was going to cause some mild stress for Robin. This delighted him. 

“Ugh, ugh. For free breakfast and fellow lesbians, I will get up. You might have to drag me though.” 

Steve laughed, delighted at the prospect of waking Robin up in the morning. It was early evening, but they decided to munch on the leftover food from the drive in and relax. There was a small tv, so they found something to put on and got comfortable. The day so far had been nearly free of sad thoughts over Eddie, but it seemed inevitable that Steve would start to think about him. For one thing, Eddie would look ridiculous in the Mosey Inn, although he would thoroughly appreciate the pun. Yet, there was a part of Steve wishing that Eddie was a part of all of this.

Before he’d ruined everything, Eddie would have been invited on this trip without a second thought. If only he could go back and not fall in love with stupid Eddie Munson. Steve worries that falling for him would have been inevitable though. Everything about him made Steve crazy.

The moment he knew he was monumentally fucked was a few months after everything with Vecna went down. Eddie had still been in the hospital, thankfully cleared off all charges with Hopper back in charge. He’d been high off his ass on morphine and smiling at Steve. Eddie had looked at Steve and said, “Stevie, sweetheart—you beautiful man. How come you’re always sitting around here taking care of me huh?” and Steve had known several things.  

He wanted Eddie to smile at him like that for the rest of his life. He really enjoyed being called sweetheart. And the reason he was always hanging around was because he wanted to be with Eddie. Eddie who always lit up with joy when he saw Steve sitting by his hospital bed. All the time they spent walking that line between friends and more, or at least that’s what Steve thought.

He swore there was so much flirting back and forth. Like the time Steve snuck in cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes from the one diner left open in town and Eddie had told Steve, “All this for little old me?” while literally twirling his hair like a schoolgirl. Or when Steve brought in books for him and Eddie had just clasped Steve’s hand tight and said nothing, just staring intently at him like Steve really meant something to him.  

All misread apparently. It wasn’t flirting at all, just Eddie being Eddie. And Steve had ruined it. He tried not to spiral into his bad thoughts too much but he felt like he always ruined everything. Robin might be his best friend, his platonic soulmate and other half, but it’d been so nice to have a close guy friend.

Eddie had barely been out of the hospital when Steve had driven him up to Indy to replace some of his things lost to the earthquakes. There were better record stores and better thrift stores, and Eddie had very little left to his name. The trailer was gone. He’d even lost his beloved guitar. Steve had never planned on telling Eddie how he felt during that trip, but Eddie has a way of needling things out of people. Something Steve usually finds quite adorable, but not so much when it’s his own unrequited feelings.  

Sighing to himself, Steve sits down by the phone to call Dustin and tell him they made it to the city safely. This means actually calling Mike’s house since the boys are having their weekly nerd fest. The whole group of them are all a little codependent, but after everything they’ve been through it seems reasonable. Unfortunately, Mike nor Nancy answers the phone. It’s Karen Wheeler and she lets Steve know that the boys are all over at Eddie’s apartment playing their little game. That’s exactly what she calls it which does make him chuckle.

He dreads calling Eddie’s place, but he did promise Dustin he’d call. Dustin is already asking questions about him and Eddie. If he’s weird on the phone it will only fan the flames of Dustin’s incessant need to meddle. He dials the number and tries to psyche himself up for the interaction. Maybe one of the kids will answer.  

“Munson Residence, Eddie the Banished speaking?” Eddie’s voice fills Steve’s ear. It’s like a punch to the gut, but Steve takes a deep breath.  

“Is that how you really answer the phone all time or am I just lucky?” Steve asks lightly. Do not make this weird. Be cool. “Or is it just because you’re playing dungeons and whatever?”  

“Ha, Ha. I knew it was you telepathically, so I of course had to answer the phone accordingly. My liege, what can I do for you on this fine summer evening?” 

“You’re lucky it’s cute to be such a fucking nerd.” Shit, shit, shit. Abort flirting. “Kidding, kidding. I called to see if Dustin is still there. I told him I’d call when we got settled.” 

“Rude, I am absolutely the cutest nerd. I’d dare say, adorable even. The fairest in the land, perhaps.” Eddie’s voice had gone low and Steve would bet a hundred bucks he was twirling his hair. What the fuck? “You know, you obviously like nerdy shit considering you-” 

“Hey stop flirting with Steve and let me talk to him, I've been waiting to hear from him all day. We’re in the middle of a campaign Steve. We need our DM not whatever the fuck he was just doing.” Dustin says this all like he knows for a fact that everything he says is true. It’s not.

“Tone, dusty bun. I’m not gay and I wasn’t flirting with Harrington, just messing with him. He’s just so easy to tease. We’re just buddies like that, right man?” Eddie replied, his voice no longer soft, low and sweet. In fact, Eddie sounded hostile. Steve felt his stomach turn. He couldn't even reply.  

“Nothing wrong with being gay, you moron.” Dustin replied firmly. This made Steve smile considering Dustin didn’t even know about Steve yet. He was definitely his favorite kid. Dustin continued on “I mean, we’ve fought literal monsters. Of all things to get worked up over, being gay is not even on the damn list!”   

“I didn’t mean it in a rude way, just saying we were not flirting.” 

“Whatever you say Eddie.” 

“Um, hello guys I am still on the phone.” Steve yelled as the two of them continued to bicker. “I have to go, but I’ll call in a few days Dustin. Bye Eddie.” Steve replied, trying his best not to cry. 

“Wait-Harrington. Steve, I didn’t mean anything by that okay.” 

“Yeah of course, no worries, man. Talk to you later.” Steve knew his voice was emotionless.  

_______________________________

He had to get over Eddie. This confusing back and forth was so painful. Steve didn’t consider himself the brightest, but that felt like flirting. What straight guy calls himself the fairest of the land or adorable to another man? Eddie’s tone of voice was the exact same tone Steve had used so many times to flirt with girls. He knew what flirting looked like. He shouldn’t have started it with the cute comment, but Eddie had most certainly flirted back. He looked over at Robin who was sitting up and waiting patiently for Steve to hang up the phone.  

She looked worried. If his face was at all reflecting how he felt right now, he understood why. The way Eddie has sounded when he said he wasn’t flirting. He told Robin the entire conversation verbatim and he watched her face go through a myriad of emotions. Despite the fact that Robin wasn’t the most tactile person, she threw her arms around him and let him cry all over her t-shirt.  

“Well, I could just kill him. I swear to fucking God. If he’s not gay, fine. But why flirt back?” 

“Maybe he really isn’t flirting. He said he was just messing with me. Maybe we’ve been reading it wrong this whole time!” Steve cried.  

“Fuck that, even Dustin called him on it. He flirts with you all the time. If he’s just messing with you at this point, it’s cruel. Especially now that he knows you’re gay and have feelings for him. I won’t be friends with a bigot.” 

“No, Robbie. I don’t think he’s a bigot. He’s just trying to deal with all this. It’s not his fault I had to go and fall for him. I always fall for the first person who shows me any attention. I ruined this. He’s just...I think he’s a flirty person and I’m just the idiot who thought it meant something.” 

“Shut your whore mouth Steven Elizabeth. That’s absolute nonsense. Eddie is a socially awkward, metalhead D&D playing virgin. You and I both know it. I’ve never seen him so much as look at a girl in a romantic way. He barely talks to anyone he doesn’t know unless it’s to cause a scene. That boy is not a natural flirty person. He flirts with you. He’s either an idiot, a repressed idiot or an asshole. Pick one.” 

“He’s not a virgin, no way. Look at him. Some people go for the whole alternative thing. He’s in a band for fuck’s sake. I bet he’s fucked lots of girls. I mean, he is objectively hot.” Steve argued.  

“Steve!! You always defend him like some sort of rabid groupie, but if that man has so much as seen a real-life titty, I will eat my shoe. He isn’t ugly, I will grant you that one. But please, Eddie Munson is not banging hot chicks on the regular.” 

“I pick that he’s an idiot. I do not think Eddie would purposefully hurt me by flirting just to be all ‘ha-ha, gay boy you fell for it’ when he didn’t even know I was gay until I told him how I felt. I think he just likes to tease me, like he said and he doesn’t know how flirty it comes off maybe?” 

“Dingus. You are in love with him. You are no objective source on the situation.” 

“Can we just... pretend Eddie Munson doesn’t exist for a few days. I won’t play my mixtape. I will try not to mope... let’s just find an apartment and visit your campus and apply for jobs everywhere we can find. It hurts too much to talk about right now.” 

Steve knows he’s lying to Robin. It’s impossible for him to pretend Eddie doesn’t exist. It’d be nice to try though. Instead of trying, he wonders what Eddie’s thinking about back in Hawkins. Is he feeling bad for how he spoke to Steve tonight? Is he also worrying over every little thing he said? Does Eddie even care that what he said felt like a slap to the face? The way he’d said Harrington, instead of Steve. The disgust in his voice when he’d said he wasn’t flirting. At least it was crystal clear that Eddie would never reciprocate his feelings. It feels nearly impossible, but Steve knows he has to let go of Eddie and move on. Two weeks in Indy with Robin should be the perfect way to start trying.   

@koyislosinghismind

@lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring

@dilutedpondwater

@r0binscript

@wheatnoodle

@randomnessbecausewhynot

[quitealotofsodapop]

Ok but Wukong claims MK as Yubei's honorary/sworn older brother. Macaque who was in the room suddenly feels a cold swear as he Realized Wukong Sees MK As His Kid. His Clcub, who Macaque had chased fown and hunted like an animal in an effort to keep LBD's attention off of Wukong himself.

Macaque has that revelation loooong before Yuebei is born.

You see...

When Macaque was still processing that Wukong (his former mate) had been pregnant with the Egg for many many years - he had a brief brain-fart during "Shadow Play" and at during his panic he asks;

Macaque: "Is it my kid!? Wait..." *glares at MK really hard* "Are you my kid???" MK: "Wut." Macaque: "No, no, wait, thats dumb, it's the same baby now as back then. Sorry bud, but I am totally freaking out right now." MK: "Because you spent the last couple hundred years being a deadbeat dad?" Macaque, grabs MK by the shoulders: "YES!!"

The rest of the MKrew escape the Shadow Lantern simply because Mac was panicking so hard he dropped it. Even being super mad at him, they stay until he stops hyperventillating. In Mac's defense, he's not sure how long normal Stone Monkey pregnancies should be.

Even once the realisation kicks in that the "Egg" is a Stone Egg formed from Wukong being encased in the mountain without resources - Macaque has a second "crap Im dad" realisation when he realises that him abandoning/cutting-off Wukong back then is what triggered the process. He still wants to take responsibility for the Egg as it's indirect creator.

And ofc during S3, Macaque notices how protective/paternal Wukong is with MK and starts to realise;

MK might not be Macaque's kid, but Wukong certainly considers MK to be *his* kid.

Macaque has tricked, fought, and psychologically tormented said kid in his goal to either hurt Wukong or extract information.

Macaque is now being forced to capture said kid and/or Wukong for LBD less he suffers a fate worse than death. And while Macaque would hate to do either, he can't stand the thought of handing Wukong over. So MK is his primary target throughout S3, even if Mac tries his best to "soften the blow" if it were when he tries capturing him.

MK is super excited to meet the Egg when it's finally born, and is acting in a manner typical of an older monkey cub wanting to care for their younger sibling. It's too fricking cute and-

Well crap, now Mac doesn't want to turn the kid over. Mostly cus doing so will def hurt Wukong and make his King somehow hate Mac even more than he does now.

Maybe if they do get the Samadhi Fire, him and Wukong might- Macaque, begings violently batting away his talkative shadow clones: "NOPE! Get the heck out of here with that!! I'm just getting the Fire to be free of LBD's influence!"

And once Yuebei is finally born...

Wukong, talking to the baby: "Bao bei [treasure], this is your big brother, MK. Well, honorary big brother, but you get what I mean." MK, holding Yuebei: *is so happy he can't form words + is happy-crying* Macaque: *trying his best not to ask MK "hey, wanna be our son?", cus Mk has his adoptive dads + Mac thinks the kid hates him anyway* "Hah. Crybaby." MK, still crying: "Shut up. You cried when you saw her for the first time." Macaque, trying his best not happy-cry again: "She looks like me! Of course I'd cry - such a curse to place upon a innocent soul!" Wukong: *sighs fondly at the back-and-forth*

Mac's gut reaction is to insult others/himself when he feels emotionally vulnerable, and MK knows how to flip it around.

It very much becomes a "Dad treating his eldest son vs younger daughter" situation, especially if Bai He is thrown into the mix. Mac will 100% spoil his little princesses, but MK...

MK can handle it. He's Wukong's heir. He's ok with Mac only really being soft on him when no one else is around. Secretly Mac's kinda jealous of the dad-attention Pigsy, Wukong, and even Tang get from the kidm even though in his heart he knows it's unlikely MK will ever see Mac as a father figure.

[taylorsmanuscripts]

Letter on; The Tortured Poets Dept.

Dear Chairman,

On the morning of its release, I woke up at 4.44am (I am a UK Swiftie so it came out at 5am).  I opened up my notes app pressed play and became transfixed, utterly speechless for 13 minutes it wasn’t until 'Down Bad' that I fully regained consciousness in the universe. It was an otherworldly experience that I cannot summarise in words I am not a literary expert tbh*.

The album ended, I had cried and screamed, cheered and awoken my entire household. My friends woke, listened and I relistened to the chairman’s confessional masterpiece once again. On second listen I actually was able to process the first three songs, and I was listening to a favourite ‘The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived’ when at 7.17am, sat on the sofa in my uniform, I saw the release of the anthology. I looked to my brother, on call with the ‘loml’ and cried. I pressed play on The Black Dog as tears fell involuntarily down my face. I continued to literally hyperventilate to the point of an anxiety attack until ‘How Did It End?’. I immediately felt drawn to it. Pulled into the cyclical melody and incomparable lyrics. This song, to me, proved the total power of this album.  It is so real, so individual but entirely universal. As a teenaged lesbian, I honestly could not be further from the audience for this song, I have never been in love or fallen from it but the simple imagery of a miscommunication, misunderstanding and loss.

She makes me feel it, makes me feel present. That. She is the power I want to support and defend forever. I was barely alive; I didn’t live and I didn’t want to. Now I want the love in ‘So High School’, I want the suffering in ‘The Prophecy’ and I don’t want to just ‘Look In People’s Windows’.

Thank you for reading my soliloquy. I hate it here a little less and I love you, religiously.

Sincerely, em x

@taylorswift @taylornation

[hauntedfoxhut]

Muzan and werewolf! reader? reader is scared of what he thinks of them when muzan first sees the form, especially since when reader is in said form, they go hunting humans like it's their last day alive-

...cuddles & comfort after the fiasco happens pls.

Muzan x werewolf!F!reader

Warnings: Blood, dead bodies 💀

It will have a bit of angst and cry but the rest will be pure fluff just as you wished

You meet Muzan a couple weeks ago, your relationship started slow, probably because of your second identity, you’re a werewolf and he’s an Oni, But the truth always show up.

But you never imagined that I would be so bad

You were walking, on a cloudy night, near the woods, because you just love the nature, until the clouds flew away showing your worst enemy, the moonlight of the full moon. You felt your blood getting hotter, your fangs started to appear, your back arched and you knew that you were hungry, very very hungry, but now there’s no turning back, your eyes got darker and you can smell the people from far, but you can’t fight against your instincts.

And then blackout, you can’t control your body, the feral instinct dominated all your brain…

Where??

Where am I?

This is??… BLOOD?🩸

Indeed it was blood, all over your body, the moon above you was the only witness, well that what you thought…

Those red eyes, black hair and charming white suite, between the trees, he witnessed the whole chainsaw, in total there were 5 bodies laying on the floor covered by their own blood.

You heard footsteps near you, and you froze, getting closer second by second, you couldn’t move, and then you felt something touching you… a hand?? Those nails, you saw them before, they’re just like Muzan’s. And even smell like Muzan, that mean he knows the truth.

“So you’re a werewolf? That’s pretty impressive, I didn’t even noticed” he said, but he sounded proud? Of what? Of me??

You fell down on your knees, when you saw him in front of you, you opened your mouth but you didn’t said a word… but instead you cried… your eyes got full of water and you started to hyperventilate, you closed your eyes to stop staring at him, but he hold your cheeks, cleaning your tears away, and we you calmed down he hugged you.

“ Don’t worry sweetheart, I am here… and I’ll always be so you don’t have to worry, I’m just like you, I understand what you’re passing through, and I can help”

When your opened your eyes he was so near to your face, making eye contact, just like he was reading your soul…

“Is that a promise?” And he answered right after,“ Yes it is ”

And he smiled showing his fangs? How could I never noticed it, but he doesn’t have a tail or fur, and tonight was a full moon, so if he’s not exactly like me… then what is he?

“ I am a demon, I also eat humans to live ” Wait he just read my mind? “ you seemed curious to know what I am and I didn’t read your mind, I swear” that phrase was followed by a smile which looks honest and calm.

“Can we leave here? I don’t want to stay in these bloody clothes anymore, I want to go home, can you go with me and spend the night?” “Surely we can my dear, and I’m pleasured that you invited me”

When you both arrived at your house, he closed to curtains to protect you from the moonlight, he prepared Hōjicha, and sat on the “couch” waiting for you.

You wore a simple yukata, the tails was gone, just like the fur and the fangs, you sat near him and he hold your hands, “no more secrets, ok?” “Ok”

After a couple hours of talk and hugs, you started to feel sleepy and yawned, and when you least realized your head was on his shoulder, and then your eyes closed.

Muzan watched you sleep for a couple of hours until he took you in his arms and took you to the futon, covering you and kissing your forehead, when he opened the door to leave your bedroom you murmured his name, as if you were calling him, and he stopped and decided to lay down with you, and when he least expected you hugged him, keeping your head near to his chest, he fell asleep with you, hearing your heartbeat 💗

I hope you liked it, i tried my best, hope you appreciate it ❤️❤️

My inbox is open for more requests❤️

[taliesin-19]

Random Fact (scene) of the Week: September 1st edition

"Just breathe, you've got nothing to be afraid of. We'll all be here for you, and we'll be proud of you no matter what happens."

"Oi! Who's the one going off to Hogwarts, here?" James said, pushing past them all and making his way casually through the barrier to platform 9 and 3/4.

Abby let out a little squeak. "He doesn't have to be so blase about it," she said, looking at Harry with a frown.

"Ignore him," Harry said, directing her towards the brick wall. "Why don't you take Al's hand, yeah? He'll guide you through."

Harry squeezed the boy's shoulder, then watched as Al led Abby gently towards the brick wall before abruptly tugging on her arm and sprinting towards it.

"She's totally going to kill me for that later, isn't she?" Harry told Lily as Abby's scream evaporated into thin air.

"Eh, once she's seen the train, she'll get over it," Lily said with a wave of her hand. "That's how it goes every year with Teddy."

The first time Abby had tagged along to see Teddy off to Hogwarts, the entrance to the platform had unlocked a fear in her that she hadn't known she possessed.

"I guess I just don't like running straight at brick walls!" she'd exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air after coming down from a mini panic attack.

"You three, go with Grandmum and Teddy, we'll meet you there--and stop laughing James, this isn't funny," Harry said as Abby took several deep breaths.

It took a lot of coaxing, a lot of breathing, and a lot of encouragement, but Harry had learned to always leave the house an extra twenty minutes early every 1st of September.

Abby had offered plenty of times to stay behind, but he knew it was only because she hated being a bother. The look on her face whenever she saw the Hogwarts Express was enough to make Harry forcibly bring her along each year. And she'd never forgive herself if she didn't see Teddy, and now James, off for the year.

And besides, she was getting better about it. She hasn't even hyperventilated this year.

"Come on, flower, you're up," Harry said.

"Can we leave James at Hogwarts for the winter and summer holidays, too?" she said, over her shoulder.

"I'll consider it."

Lily grinned.

They both knew they'd be counting down the days till December, but if Harry spent too much time thinking about it, he might just break down into a panic attack himself.

When he was a kid, he'd never given a second thought to what everyone else might feel like, standing on platform 9 and 3/4, watching the train leave.

Hogwarts was his escape, the train was a beacon of hope and freedom.

But as an adult, he dreaded the sight of it.

Through the barrier and onto the platform, he watched as one by one, everyone bid James and Teddy farewell. It was Teddy's final year at Hogwarts. And the fact that he'd be there during James' first year was just about the only thing that prevented Harry from calling this all off together.

He pulled Teddy aside and gave him a long hug. "Have fun, Mr Head Boy," he said, causing Teddy to grin. "They'd be so proud of you, you know. Especially Remus. Tonks, well...she'd probably call you a nerd."

Teddy laughed and looked down.

"But she'd also be really proud," Harry said with a wink. "As am I. Ridiculously so."

"I know," Teddy said. "And before you say anything. Don't worry. I'll watch out for the little bugger. I promise, Harry."

Harry swallowed hard and nodded, squeezing Teddy's shoulder. "I know he'll forget to write to me tonight. Can you just let me know what House he's in?"

Teddy nodded. "I'll let you know as soon as he gets into Gryffindor."

"Oi, don't jinx it," Harry said before giving Teddy one last hug.

With a long exhale, Harry then went to find James, his heart heavy in his chest.

The rest of the family subtly moved away as he approached, for which he was grateful.

"How are you feeling, mate?" Harry said, crouching down so they were at eye level.

"Good," James said with a shrug. "Freddie's saved me a seat. Oh, that reminds me, can I have some extra money for sweets? Freddie said that Uncle George said that there's a trolley lady that turns into a carnivorous bird who attacks you if you try to leave the train, but she also sells a bunch of different sweets and if you buy some, you'll be on her good side."

Harry sighed. "There's money in the pocket of your trunk, don't waste it all on sweets."

James grinned and went in for a hug. "Okay, bye, Dad!"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Harry said, pulling him back before he could leave. "That's it? Just 'bye, Dad'? I'm not gonna see you for several months, you know."

With a small groan, James relented. "I'll write to you, okay? And besides Teddy will be there. And Fred. And Vic. And Dom. And Alice--"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Harry said. "I'm gonna miss you, is all. But...I want you to have fun. And stay out of trouble, make friends, and just...just make good choices."

James stared at him as if he'd grown another head. "Sure, Dad, I'll do that," he said before going in for another hug. "I'll miss you, too."

Harry closed his eyes and squeezed the boy tight, willing the moment to last forever.

"Love you, Jamie," he said.

"Love you, too, Dad."

After finally letting go, Harry took hold of the boy's trunk and helped him load it on the train.

A few upper year Ravenclaws were passing by, but when they spotted Harry, they stopped abruptly in the corridor and stared openly.

James snorted. "Bye, Dad!" he said in a loud voice. "I'm so glad you could take time out of your busy schedule saving the world to see me off today."

The Ravenclaws erupted into furious whispers as they continued their paths to their compartments.

"That'll get old real quick," Harry said.

James shrugged. "Might as well give them what they want. It's fun to see their reactions."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You've been spending too much time with Abby."

"Should've thought about that before you married her," James said, patting him on the shoulder. "Anyway...guess I should be going."

With a nod, Harry stood up with a long sigh. "You better write me tonight. Even if it's just to say what House you're in."

"I will, Dad."

"Otherwise I'll come to Hogwarts myself--"

"Dad."

Harry winked. "Have fun," he said. "I'll see you at Christmas."

James paused for a moment, his face pinching into a small frown. He then hurried over to Harry and gave him once last, bone-crushing hug, before running down the corridor.

With a smile, Harry met the rest of the family on the platform and waved goodbye till the last carriage of the train disappeared from sight.

[italiansteebie]

Love On Screen

Episode Two, Episode One, Also on ao3 (preferred format)

Steve started his next live with a giddy smile. 

“Guys. I’ve got a new muse, and he’s given me some positively grand idea’s. I’m literally so excited.” His eyes scanned over the chat, looking for the responses. “Ooo, okay ‘dustybun04’ asks ‘who’s the muse.’” Steve tried to hide his blush but he was unsuccessful according to the chat. “Okay, okay. He’s a twitch streamer, I watched his compilations like, all day yesterday and oh my god,” he gushed, feeling like a downright middle school girl at a sleepover. “His name is Eddie. Corrodededdie to be specific, I’m pretty sure his twitch name is the same thing. Guys. I’ve got a whole ass crush on this guy. I think it’s the chaotic energy. That’s why I keep Robin around, y'know?” And Steve knows that clip is going to be sent to Robin but he can’t even begin to care. 

He said bye to the stream, ending the live right as Robin texted him. 

‘stevo - u, me, collab.’

‘yes, when?’

‘now’

Steve sighed and packed his stuff. He knew how insufferable Robin could be when she got a new idea, and he knew that if he didn’t show up to hers in 15 minutes she’d be royally pissed. So he grabbed his stuff and headed out. Once he got there he knocked on the door with a fond sigh, this Eddie guy really got under his skin. “Get in Dingus, we’ve got much to discuss,” Robin said, shoving the camera in his face. “Are you already filming?” Robin nodded excitedly. She ran over to the couch, flopping down, ever so gracefully, and patted the seat next to her as she set up her camera on the coffee table. 

“We're going to play a game! What’s the last text you sent?”

“Oh so we’re jumping right in?”

“No time for games, Stephano, let's go,” she said, snapping her fingers impatiently. Steve eyed the camera and pulled out his phone, tapping the ‘messages’ app and sighing. “Okay… The last text I sent was… To you. Oh god, Rob. Do I have to read this out loud?” Robin cackled maniacally, “Yes, absolutely, yes.” Steve squinted at her before his mouth dropped open in realization, “Did you plan this?” Robin mimed ‘who me?’ while looking around. Steve sighed, she wasn’t going to let this go. “Okay. So, it was a few days ago and I said, ‘Rob, I think I am going to pass away if I don't find this guy's instagram. Please help.” Steve placed a hand over his face, hopefully hiding his blush. 

“Now show them who it is!”

Steve blanched, “No way!” 

Robin immediately went to grab his phone, eventually wrestling it out of his hand, showing the screen to the camera the screenshot of none other than corrodededdie in all its glory. “Stevie has a crush!” She sang, before smiling at him. “Okay, bye, Steve.” Steve’s jaw dropped once more, “Is that why you invited me over? Rob? I hate you so bad,” He groaned, and Robin just laughed, pushing him to the door. “Okay, I’m gonna go have sex with my girlfriend now, bye Stevvvee!” She sang as she pushed him out, slamming the door behind her. 

Steve faced the now closed door. “Okay then,” he muttered to himself. He knew if he talked about it, it was only a matter of time before Robin caught wind and spread it around like a disease. (It being his totally shameless crush on a chaotic gaming streamer). 

     He contemplated life during his journey back to his parked car, and just as he was about to call the whole thing off, his phone chimed with a notification. ‘Corrodededdie has uploaded a new video’ and it was almost embarrassing the way his breath got caught in his throat. He made the courageous decision to tap the notification while he was still in his car, parked in the parking garage of Robin’s apartment building. 

And he almost shit his pants when he saw the title of the video.

“Compilation of me freaking out over Steve goes to hell.”

That was him. He was Steve goes to hell. Oh my god, Eddie, the Eddie freaked out over him? Oh shit. He was really in for it now.     

—

Eddie was pretty much hyperventilating at this point. 

He knew the ramifications of mentioning someone by name in a title like that, but honestly. That was probably the most interesting part of his whole 12 hour stream. He should know, he lived through it, and then sat through it again to edit it. 

His job wasn’t the most glamorous, okay?

He only hoped Steve took it as a compliment and not that Eddie was a huge creep or something. If something were to happen, and this Steve guy really hated his video, then well. He was in deep shit. 

And that got him panicking. Should he take the video down? Change the title? No way, it’s already been up for like thirty minutes. And taking the video down won’t do anything, because he knows his viewers probably screen recorded at least part of his stream and those clips would be floating around before he knew it. Hell, they were probably already floating around. Oh shit, shit, shit.

And just as his finger hovered over the ‘edit’ option on the video, the almighty notification appeared on his screen. Someone had tagged him in something, this was not uncommon at all, but for some reason, he was inclined to see what this one was. Maybe it was a morbid curiosity? Either way, when he tapped the notification, it almost put him in the ground. 

It was a screen recording from one of ‘Steve goes to hell’s’ lives.

“His name is Eddie. Corrodededdie to be specific, I’m pretty sure his twitch name is the same thing. Guys. I’ve got a whole ass crush on this guy.”

He wasn’t proud to admit that that caused him to squeal like a teenage girl being asked to prom. He was outright giddy at this point and he only hoped his next move wasn’t too presumptuous. 

He found Steve’s instagram relatively quickly, and tapped on the messages option. ‘Hey, Stevie. I saw your live, and by now you’ve probably seen my comp… would u wanna like… meet up? Or something?” And before he could second guess himself and back out, he hit send. He was practically shaking in his boots awaiting the response, and luckily for him, he didn’t have to wait too long because the longest 30 seconds later, Steve had replied, rather enthusiastically. 

‘Omg yeah. Whtever you wanna do i am 100% down.’

‘sorry that was probably intense. I’d love to meet up. <3’

And oh god, he was even cuter over text. Eddie couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. He typed furiously, planning their… date? Oh god, it was a date wasn’t it? And that just made him more nervous. 

—

The date had gone well. Really well. 

They had met up at some hipster restaurant that Steve had suggested and it was actually pretty good in Eddie’s opinion. And they hit it off. It was like an instant connection. You know when you see a friend you haven’t in a while and it just picks up right where you left off? That’s what it was like. 

They instantly became best friends, much to the dismay of Robin and Nancy, who they found out over dinner were their mutual friends, Steve having gone to school with Robin and Eddie having met Nancy when he was first starting out at a streamer convention. It was kind of crazy how small the world is, and how some cosmic force seemed to bring these two together so well. And it was an extra benefit that the pair of them seemed to really piss off their best friends respectively. Both Eddie and Steve found their dislike of the pair together hilarious. 

And so with the date having gone as well as it did, they planned for a collab in the near future. And Eddie was sure it was bound to create an awful lot of chaos that honestly, he was looking forward to.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

“An Enemy of the People” + Meeting Matt Smith a THIRD time(?!?!)

I saw Matt Smith last night in his play, “An Enemy of the People” in London and I’m still super overwhelmed by it all, especially as I was up at 6:45am for work before I went to the show AND I ended up not getting home until 5am, but to sum up my experience last night with Matt:

I was sat in row A, which is the third row from the stage behind AA and BB, so I was SUPER close to the stage

THEY HAD A REAL DOG (German Shepherd/Alsatian I think?) ON STAGE IN SOME SCENES OMG OMG OMG I LOVED THIS SCENE STEALER

Matt was absolutely incredible, he had a full on like 5 minute monologue where he was shouting into a microphone about capitalism and the rot of government etc, and there was utter silence the entire time

It then turned into an audience trauma dump of sorts because they had some microphones given to audience members to air their grievances with the government/system/society, it was incredibly powerful

The rest of the cast were amazing too of course

I was in the “splash” zone because there was a moment where the cast were along the sides next to the audience while Matt was on stage and then they threw paint-filled balloons at him, and when they hit him they exploded so we had to have tarp pulled up over us just before it happened because the paint would have hit us

Matt has a DILF belly and I am 100% for it, at one point he lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe the paint from his eyes and I nearly died

After the show, I went to stage door to try and meet him - but because it was a Saturday night in London it was a nightmare and so he could only do quick signatures and no pictures with people

I DID get my program signed by Matt ☺️🫶🏻

Also one of the other cast members (Zachary Hart) was talking a lot to my friend just before Matt came outside and he turned, saw me, looked me over and then went “I like your shirt! 🙂” (I was wearing a TNBC check shirt)

After the show, I was with some friends I knew from Twitter who were also huge Matt fans, and we went to a pub that was down the road from the theatre after they had changed clothes… and Matt and the cast were there?!?

Matt brushed up against me twice when he was going to/coming back from the bar and I nearly passed out like one of my friends had to take me outside because I was hyperventilating

(This is also an autistic thing though that’s unrelated to Matt because it was super packed and loud and hot in the pub)

After the pub closed, my friend said the bar in her hotel would be open until 2 so we went there, left our stuff in her room, and then we went down to the bar… and Matt and the cast were there too?!?

I’m genuinely not joking, we were NOT stalking him, we had talked about going to pub days ago and - as I said - one of my friends was literally staying at that hotel and the bar there was the closest one still open. To be honest, I was feeling anxious at this point because I was terrified Matt would see us and recognise us but also I was freaking out because I wanted to talk to him so bad as I didn’t get the chance at the stage door during the chaos

It’s a bar where they have music playing, like at a club, but there’s no dancing and they sit you at tables and take your drinks orders, and we were two tables away from the cast

Zachary walked past and said hello to one of my friends again, because he recognised them from earlier, and he grinned/shouted hello back when we waved and said hello

Matt walked past us and the friend mentioned above and I shouted hello at him and waved, but I didn’t want to bother him by going up to him because 1) it was nearly 2am, 2) I didn’t want him to be weirded out or think we were stalking him, and 3) I ’m 99% sure he was drunk because he’d been hanging about in the pub and then the bar for a total of four hours 💀 anyway, Matt smiled and shouted hello back

My friends went outside the hotel to smoke after the bar closed (I was the only one out of a group of 5 who didn’t smoke 😭) and the cast came out to leave, and one of my friends asked him for a picture but his co-worker Jessica Brown-Findlay apparently got mad at her and said “no, we are not doing that”. Matt was super nice to her though and said she looked great, and “know we love you!” before he left

(Side note: one of the other friends thinks Jessica was pissed off because when we were outside the pub earlier, her husband asked my friends for a cigarette and were chatting to him while they smoked (I was there under an umbrella absolutely freezing my tits off lol) and they said it might be a possessive thing? To be genuinely honest, none of us had any clue it was her husband even when he said “oh yeah my wife Jessie is in a play down the road”, like it genuinely didn’t click for any of us that he was talking about Jessica, and he approached us for a cigarette, not the other way around)

Unrelated to Matt but still relevant to understanding the night/my feelings:

I was very exhausted because I started my new job yesterday morning, was up at 6:45am because my dad insisted on dropping me off at 8am despite me not starting until 9, I was on my feet the whole day, I didn’t have time to run home and change so I had to do my make up on the train (luckily my uniform was given to me in the morning so I was able to wear my evening clothes, change into work clothes and then change back at the end of the day), my feet were super sore and blistered because I was wearing brand new trainers from work that didn’t fit properly… yeah. Anyway.

(Side note: I LOVE my new job so much, I am not complaining about it at all, it was amazing, it’s just unfortunate scheduling that I started on the same day I had the ticket for the play)

I missed my last tube and my last train home (last train was at 1am) and ended up having to borrow money to get a taxi to Piccadilly station from the hotel, at which point it was 3am and I was feeling very exhausted AND also emotional

There were issues with the tube because of the weather and so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes while also needing to pee and suffering from exhaustion, didn’t get on a tube until about 3:30? 3:40?

I think I was crying at one point after leaving the hotel because when I got to the tube station to wait for a train, a woman also waiting came to check on me and asked why I had been crying

I kept on dozing off on the tube between stops, and I’m very lucky I didn’t get robbed to be honest (probably because I had my bag on my lap and an arm resting over it)

I ended up in South Ealing at 4:15am, and I knew if I got a bus I wouldn’t be getting to the nearest town to me until 5am (and I still wouldn’t have been home) so I decided “fuck it, I’m spending £27 on an Uber I guess”

I fell asleep in the Uber and the driver was pretty annoyed about it, I ended up getting home at 5am - somehow I was able to remove the rest of my make up, message my friends to tell them I was home safe, get in my PJs and climb into bed

Here’s some photos of the stage before the play started, Matt at the end of the play (covered in paint), and Matt at stage door

(I did NOT take photos or videos of him in the pub or bar, because I want to respect his privacy 🙂🫶🏻 I am also NOT going to share the name of the pub or hotel/bar, not because I want to gatekeep or anything, but because of privacy and out of respect)

[piggycyberwarrior]

Arcane!Ekko with a s/o that has panic attacks.

a/n: I wanted to say that i am aware that there are different panic attacks, but since i have some myself, i will describe them like mine are too (if not explicitly requested). but i don't think i specified a trigger in the headcanon, since everyone has different ones. enjoy!

please send me request! i love them and i appreciate comments!

Inludes: ekko 

genre: hurt/comfort?? 

Warnings: Panik attacks, hyperventilation, crying, use of curse words, no proof read.

Ekko: 

ekko would probably also panic if he saw you like this. but he would be right by your side. always! 

he would try to get you breathing properly again when you were hyperventilating. 

besides, he would try to distract you. Can you tell me what apple backwards means? what is 50 - 23? 

if you need rest after a panic attack, he won't talk unless its in a appropriate situation.If you want  to watch a movie with him or if you want him to tell you any stories, he’s happy to do i 

 he wont ask questions either!

He can imagine how distressing it can be when you're peppered with awkward questions, so he'd wait for you to tell him and if you didnt, that's perfectly fine with him. 

Either way, he would always be with you and help you

poor baby is totally shocked when you had your panic attack. He came back from a mission and the first thing he saw was a hyperventilating Y/n on the floor next to your shared bed. 

Tears streamed down your face in little streams and dripped onto the floor. You didn't bother to wipe them away. Breath in short staccato rythym. 

Too short.

Your vision went dim- fuck it, you couldn't even see. a tornado of fear and panic swirled inside you. you felt light headed and dizzy.

little hiccups jerked through your body as you tried to sway back and forth, wrapped in your own arms

"Fuck!" hissed ekko as he dropped his bag and rushed from the doorway straight to you. "Firefly? oh god." he took a deep breath. it took an extreme amount for him not to panic at the sight of you.

"Y/n, look at me, hey hey everything is fine. i'm here-fuck i'm sorry."

He knelt down next to you and pulled you to him. You could feel the exhaustion and the trace of wood and autumn leaves, a scent of oil that stuck to him while working on his inventions.

"Breathe with me ok. In and out." He showed you a few times. Took your hand and put it on his chest

"Ok do you see anything....green here?" he tried to distract you. "no." "oh come on baby." he said with a pout as he took your face in his hand and placed a kiss on your nose. "it's alright, you don't have to do this." you mumbled as you put your hand on his. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when it started." he grumbled. you leaned against his chest. "you did help me. i'm fine. thanks mister man." you couldn't help but giggle at the nickname. Ekko's mouth twisted into a small grin and a laugh escaped his throat.

"can we cuddle?" you asked after some time. "sure." ekko helped you up - your legs were still pretty wobbly and your whole body felt like ants were walking on it, but in the end you were lying in your big cuddly bed with ekko next to you, lying with your head on him. "I love you y/n" "I love me too." you said with a grin. He pinched your side. you squeaked "Hey! it was a joke ok? I love you too! Jerk!"  "you should have thought of that before."

[ramblingdisaster73]

hi! i'm curious - what are your thoughts on some ppl (maybe mostly in the minority?) have made comparisons of the carlos & iris rescue scene in 4x03 being parallel to that of tk/carlos in the iconic Push, and how they've said it kind of undermines the emotional weight in Push?

personally, i'm trying not to put too much weight on it, bc i think it's probably not as deep as they're making it out to be, and it makes logical sense for carlos to tell her to breathe as she was near hyperventilating at the time (if my memory serves me well, i'm not planning to rewatch it so pls do correct me if im wrong) – but the more cynical part of me can see where they're coming from as well (e.g. with the framing), and it's starting to get to me a little

my heart really does hurt for tk in that moment tho :( it certainly didn't help that carlos was being a jerk during that scene - this will def always be a skip for me. there's angst and then there's being a jerk for no reason bc he's what, mad? i can't imagine what/how tk must be feeling at the time

also, idk. there's not much to work with here, a part of me wondered (if it was intentional) if carlos was that spiteful enough to purposely do all of that to get a reaction out of tk (i doubt this. it's fucked up, but it's whatever, he's already walking a tightrope between being petty and also being an a*hole. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the writers are trying to play this up for dramatic purposes), or if they'd just wanted to be sprinkle in the additional ✨ angst ✨ to get a reaction out of the audience instead, if it was completely unintentional, or it really isn't as deep as that.

ig we'll never know atp, but i thought i could come to u and see what you think! i'm really liking the discussions we've all had in between the eps haha, i hope that's okay!

This got a bit longer than I intended.

The “Breathe, breathe” scene in Push was a huge moment for them (& us) after their breakup – but I don’t really think the writers intended to have Carlos tell Iris the same thing to cheapen the scene in Push.

I totally get the people who had that gut reaction of “what the fuck, why would they have him say that like that?” and feel like it took away from the Tarlos scene – I do. The first time I watched the ep (I have had it on repeat pretty much anytime I am home alone while I am writing.),

I had a similar thought process – when I watched it again the 2nd time though, it made more sense to me narratively & like you said she was hyperventilating & in a decent amount of distress – telling her to breathe was pretty much the only thing he could say here. Saying something like “calm down” doesn’t always help when you are not in a position to think clearly – simple direction is much easier to follow (I say this as someone who has frequent panic attacks & telling me to calm down is not at all helpful) so, if someone was telling me to breathe – I would be able to follow that direction – telling me to calm down would only make me panic more – because I have to think about HOW to calm down.

I really do think that they are making Carlos’ less than perfect sides more obvious this season, that is why what we saw last year as a little bit of pettiness (3x13) now feels almost cruel at times. I understand why there are fans that just can’t get into this storyline – why they are struggling so much.

I have said since at least last season, the writers did a real disservice to Carlos by making his appear so perfect on the surface for so long. By finding ways to put the blame for any issues between them on TK, or just glossing over his need to keep everything in boxes & his control issues – made it so some fans didn’t need to look deeper at the character – they saw this absolutely gorgeous man, saw the ways he supported TK – thought he was the perfect boyfriend/fiancé, the cop with a good heart.

Now, all of a sudden, they are being confronted with the fact that Carlos has a past, one that some just can’t fathom. They are being forced to acknowledge that Officer Reyes is not perfect and they really don’t know how to handle it.

If we had any in canon hints (other than deleted scenes we won’t ever see) of the actual closeness of Iris & Carlos – some of the people that are struggling with this arc – may have been able to believe that this person was so important to Carlos (NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN TK, BUT STILL IMPORTANT), but – we didn’t. So now, they have to build that now – and Rafa & Lyndsy are doing a fantastic job of showing a real emotional (platonic) relationship.  

The writers had to do something that would SHOW us their closeness – not just tell us, like some of the other parts of the storyline – and this was actually (imo) a beautiful way to do it. I don’t really think it was to be petty or dickish to TK, just to show us the emotional connection the characters share. The fact that Rafa & Lyndsy have pretty great chemistry helps this as well.

Carlos was definitely walking the very fine line between petty & dickish, but I think the writers need him to do that for this part – the 3rd act. In a lot of media – the 3rd act is the hard part – either emotionally or mentally – they needed to set up the angst and tension for when Carlos got shoveled to kick off the 4th act.

Would we lose our shit if Carlos went missing while things were perfect for Carlos & TK? absolutely – we love them. BUT – to have it happen when things aren’t as stable, when they are both too much in their feelings/heads to see clearly – that is where the real pay off comes from.

We know that Carlos & TK love each other deeply, we understand why TK went to talk to Iris, we know that it didn’t trigger anything for her. Carlos – doesn’t right now. He is a man that thinks rationally (because he tosses his problems in a box & throws away the key) – but right now rational thought isn’t something he is capable of.

The man had like 15 seconds of not being noticeably stressed the fuck out on screen before that “dream” venue called him – he has been riding on pure emotion and avoidance ever since.

It is easier to lash out (or treat not so great) the people that you KNOW love you. You know that they will be there when you realize what you did/said. We all do it in little ways all the time, (we have a bad day at work, then go home – and every little thing builds up until you blow up – typically not at the people/thing that originally caused your irritation). In this case – I think that Carlos blames himself for all of it – and he can’t shove it in a box – he has to face it, especially in this 4th act.

Carlos KNOWS that TK loves him. But this man is TERRIFIED of his actions hurting Iris, that he seems as though he is ignoring TK, or at least dismissing him. I go back and forth between thinking that Carlos was more defensive to TK in the bunkroom than trying to explain it – but that is an emotional response from me. When I take my emotions out – I can see the way his anxiety is tearing him apart, he is scared to hurting TK, of TK leaving – not because of something TK did – but because Carlos hurt him emotionally. He is scared of jeopardizing Iris’ health and wellbeing.

He also can’t see that these two people, the ones he loves most (in very different ways), are stronger than he can see – especially in this particular situation.

*We have NEVER seen Carlos be the one to fall apart. He is used to being the one putting the pieces back together, for the most part – keeping a clearer head, & connecting the dots. Right now – he isn’t able to do that – but he also won’t let TK or Iris really help him – which leads to the shoveling.

I know that Tim and Ronen keep hyping up Rafa’s acting in 4x04 – but I am also really looking forward to Ronen’s as well. Both of these men have been doing such an amazing job of making us feel all these annoying feelings.

I think another reason people are struggling to see Carlos being more standoffish to TK in 4x03 is that we have watched TK handle this situation so well. Carlos tells him that he has been legally married to someone during their whole relationship, TK listens to him, listens to his reasons on why. We have watched TK handle it with grace – but are now being shown Carlos not doing the same. And it does hurt. It hurts because we know how much they love each other, how much they truly need and want each other. So, to see real friction between them (probably the most we have seen – especially since they broke up off screen) hurts. Going into those scenes knowing that the shoveling was coming hurt more.

The hurt is intentional from the storytelling perspective– but I am hoping & optimistic about a pretty good pay off. I have a feeling that a lot of this elevated pettiness will be gone like the ‘lasting ramifications of hypothermia for TK’ last season, so I am not worried about that continuing either. Once he is rescued, we will get the super tactile, loving, beautiful Tarlos – one that has become stronger through their ordeals – both separate & together.

When in doubt: Just remember Tarlos is endgame & all roads lead to the wedding.

I love the discussions that this show brings up & my husband loves that I have people other than him to talk to about this show.

[solalunar-eclipse]

I am thinking incredibly hard about ancient secrets! Shadow and him pretending to be an organic person who breathes and is harmed by fire and can’t contort his body in ways that would absolutely be painful for anyone else. I haven’t read pt 3 of shrodinger’s hedgehog in a while before writing this so please forgive me if I mention stuff that’s noncanon lmao- I remember that he was raised like a normal person so maybe all the stuff I’m gonna mention is habit by now. I dunno.

He’s gotta run actlikeanormalperson.Exe like constantly. Except when he’s alone in the woods. Mental checklist.

- when’s the last time I blinked?

- am I breathing?

- how long have I just been standing here unmoving for?

- am I touching something commonly considered harmful?

- what are normal human joint limits like again

- have I been seen ‘eating’ recently or am i gonna have to worry about people thinking I have an eating disorder

First of all, I just wanted to briefly say how utterly delighted I am that even one person has Ancient Secrets on the brain at all. I’m so happy you’re enjoying it!!

As for Shadow, he absolutely does have to pretend about a lot of that stuff…which is an extremely helpful but unintentional (on his part) bonus of living alone in the woods in a cave! (Also, you haven’t mentioned anything non-canon at all—actually, I didn’t want to infodump too much about Shadow’s schematics in the fic because I was worried it would bore some people, but I’m totally going to take the chance to do it now :] )

By the way, I love the title “actlikeanormalperson.exe”, it’s just perfect both for Boom and Shadow XD I’ve actually only previously considered two out of these six, the others I hadn’t thought of (I was focusing more on “how can I make his body mimic an organic one as closely as possible” than what the differences were, so hopefully my answers will be good enough!)

-I didn’t even think about him blinking, but you’re so right! He does do it in the show, and it looks very natural, so I’m torn 50/50 between “he has an actual program for that” and “when he was little he saw Luna blinking and then practiced it in the mirror for days”, haha.

-as for breathing, that actually is something he does naturally, but not for the reasons organic creatures do! He circulates air to keep his electronics from overheating, because while the Ancients were very technologically advanced, they weren’t perfect (see Sonic’s mech for an excellent example). Luna wanted him to be able to live a life as close to organic as possible, so she tried to find reasons to give him various “living” behaviors. This does mean that she gave him coding for things like hyperventilating when having a panic attack too, though, even if she hoped he’d never have to use it.

-oh he would ABSOLUTELY forget to move sometimes. I feel like he probably learned to do this one while he was fighting Lyric in the defense forces, because people would give him weird looks when he just sat there not doing anything and going over battle plans in his head. Once again, I totally didn’t consider this, but honestly it’s such a good idea!!

-“touching something commonly considered harmful” is a tough one, because he’s had enough self-sacrificial moments that have impacted him to the point where he actively puts himself between harmful things like fire or poison and organic people. If asked about it he’d probably just brush it off and say something like “well, that seems like a you problem” prior to his friendship arc. The thing is, he acts like many people’s interpretations of game!Shadow where he does things that make his Ultimate status obvious but then treats them as things he’s obligated to do.

-luckily for him, he doesn’t have to think of joint limits very often, since most of his interactions with other people have involved fighting (which isn’t designed for people who can rotate their arms and legs 360 degrees, haha). It’s not really something he does much because he hasn’t seen organic people model that kind of behavior—although he did do it a couple of times when he was young and startled Luna, so he has a bit of a “hey maybe I shouldn’t reach over and backwards to pick something up from the counter behind me” reminder in the back of his head XD

-and as for food, eating it actually does give him energy! It isn’t needed to power his body, per se, since the crystal inside him can run indefinitely so long as it isn’t damaged, but he can absorb the Chaos energy from it and it’ll give him a little boost. He can work just fine without food, but he works even better with it. Of course, he doesn’t care what other people think (or he didn’t, rather), and he couldn’t be bothered with food, so he’s eaten very infrequently prior to spending time with his friends. Now, though, he usually gets an average of about one meal every 1-2 days, but his friends don’t know that he eats so little. If they did, they’d probably be trying to get him to eat more often.

[theendwhereibegin]

Universally meant. Earthly bound

I am sorry it took so long for this update to happen. I`ve been on a bit of a downer towards the end of October and then things got hectic at work.

Most importantly, I didn`t want to offer you a half thought chapter just for the love of writing something, anything.

So here we go...

Part 6

This is crazy. Absolutely bonkers. Pedro Pascal in my house, in my kitchen, kissing me, dancing with me and having one of those soppy romantic movies moments. WITH ME! By now I was hyperventilating in my bathroom while he insisted to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen after telling him "No" for half hour. He won, obviously.

I knew I was bound to run into him one way or another as me and Oscar were very good friends. Hell, he even tried to set me up with one of his friends at some point and that`s when the penny dropped, it was Pedro he was trying to set me up with.

*Flashback Christmas Eve 2022*

It was another cold December day and I was trying to make my way to work. Families were passing me by at every step and I couldn`t help but watch them. I was 31 and all I had to show for myself was my career. I longed to have someone to love and to hold at night. I longed to have someone to connect with on a deeper level, but what I craved most, was to become a mother.

I refused to celebrate Christmas. Not because I didn`t like Christmas, because some of my fondest memories growing up happened during the holidays, but I didn`t want to sit awkwardly at a table filled with my friends and their families being alone once again.

Don`t get me wrong, I loved my friends and their partners. I loved their kids like they were my own, but I couldn`t bare sitting through one more Christmas dinner being asked when will I take the risk and start dating again, after all as my best friend Ophelia says " You aren`t getting any younger Olivia and you certainly can`t meet the man of your dreams sitting on your sofa while watching Netflix series now, can you?"

Oscar and his wife Elvira were the ones that made it their mission for me to meet someone. They called me once in a while trying to get me to come to dinner parties, or simply go out with them, but I refused every time. They were so lovely and their kids absolutely adored me, and I adored them, but it felt like every time we would get together the only topic they wanted to talk about was my love life.

Today wasn`t any different.

My phone rang loudly in my bag and looking at the screen I saw Oscars name in large letters. I let our a sigh and answered as I didnt want him to think I was totally avoiding him.

"Olivia, we are having a Christmas dinner party. Nothing crazy. Me, Elvira, our kids and one of my friends. He couldn`t go with his family to celebrate cause he had a project going on so, what do you say?" Oscar was like the big brother I never had, but always wanted, but sometimes I felt like blocking his number.

"Hello to you too Oscar. I am fine, thank you for asking. Oscar, you know how I am with dinner parties. I don`t like them, especially when you try to set me up with someone I don`t know! " I said in an exasperated tone.

"I swear to God I am not trying to put you in an uncomfortable position. I just hate the thought of you alone, plus my friend is single as well and he is a really nice guy. You might actually like him, you know? "

"Not gonna happen Isaac. Whilst I am sure your friend is a nice guy, I don`t want to be set up, you know that!"

"Fine! Stay alone for Christmas. At least stop by before the dinner so we can give you some of it at home. I know your fridge is always empty! You deeply annoy the life out of me Olivia!"

"Okay! But promise me your friend wont be there when I show up to pick up the food!" I knew Oscar and he thought of inviting the guy earlier so that I would bump into him, but I couldn`t say no to food. Elvira cooks some of the best meals I have had since moving to New York.

"I won`t. I promise!"

After work I made my way to the Isaac`s house, and like a true ninja, I managed to hide behind every mail box and bush I could find, in order to snoop and see if his friend was indeed not there. Knowing how Oscars mind works, its better to be safe than sorry.

I knocked softly on their door and two small giggles. Elvira opened the door just to reveal my two favourite trouble makers, their two sons.

"Auntie O!!!" said the eldest while hugging me for dear life.

Oscar was now using his kids as lethal weapons and I knew that because both of the boys were now looking at me with those puppy dog eyes I can`t resist. It took a lot in me to keep my ground and not give into their cuteness.

"Hey Olivia" Elvira greeted me with a hug. "I have your food ready to go. I am sorry you will not be joining us. Oscar has been moping around since he ended the phone call with you, but I understand. Don`t worry. We`ll catch up some other time"

"If it`s not my loner of a best friend." said Oscar while directing me with his eyes towards the kitchen.

"I am sorry that I won`t stay, but you know how I get in social situations. Your guy may be nice and all, but I am a wreck and I will make a very bad first impression" I said while sitting down at their kitchen island.

"You just think the worst about yourself, aren`t you? You wouldn`t be here and you wouldn`t be one of my best friends if you were the way you describe yourself O. I hope you know that"

"I appreciate that you didn`t get him here earlier than he is supposed to."

"I thought about it, not going to lie, but I didn`t want to give you a panic attack." said Oscar reassuringly.

Sure he was stubborn, but the thing about him is that he cared deeply about the people that he held close to his heart and he would never hurt them on purpose.

"If you wait for what that old lady from Chile told you, you`ll wait until you are old and grey Olivia. True love doesn`t happen while you are closed in your house. True love is out there, in pubs, parks, Christmas dinners. Not in front of your TV. " and he was right, but my previous relationship made sure to make me believe that the old lady from Chile was either high or drunk when she told me that I will find love in the strangest of places and that the forces of good will work for me to find it.

"I know Oscar. I am just not ready for any type of love at this point."

"He really did a number on you didnt he? I am so sorry O. Your time will come, maybe sooner than you think. If there is someone in this world that deserves happiness and love, its you." he hugged me and I made my way to the door.

Saying my goodbye`s I felt like I should have stayed maybe. They were my best friends and I felt bad for turning them down, but at the same time I wanted to be alone.

*Present Day*

I went out of the bathroom to find Pedro at the sink still washing dishes.

I hugged him from behind and rested my head on his back while letting out a deep content sigh.

"Hey there stranger. I thought you made a run for it" said Pedro while taking one of the hands that was wrapped around his waist to plant a sweet kiss on.

"That would be a weird move seeing as I live here and all that" his laugh vibrated through his whole body.

"True" and with that he turned around and planted a kiss on my lips.

"I don`t think I will ever get tired of seeing you blush baby. It seems to be happening quite a lot." he said while I tried my best to hide my face from him.

"I don`t blush. Its just very warm in here."

"Sure it is." and just as he finished his sentence his phone started ringing on the coffee table in the living room.

"Hey Oscar!" I heard Pedro greeting the person on the other end.

And that`s when my breath caught in my throat. I was meant to call Oscar back 2 days ago and with everything going on I completely forgot.

I could only hear Pedros side of the conversation and it was filled with "Yes" , "No" .

At the same time my phone started ringing as well in the kitchen and I raced to get it. Once I reached it I went into the bedroom to continue the conversation.

"Hey Elvira! How are you?"

"I am good. You are in a cheery mood. Did my girl finally go out and about?"

"No I didn`t and no I don`t sound cheery"

"So, Oscar made me call you because you always say no to him, but you kind of give in and say yes to me." I swear I rolled my eyes into another dimension.

"We are having a game night with the boys and they demanded that their auntie Olivia needs to join us. Before you say anything, think about the fact that you will say no to your sweet, loving, cute nephews."

"You have a way with words E. Why would you do this to me? You know I cant say no to them!" Pedros conversation must have been over because he was now leaning on the door frame of my bedroom with a smile on his face.

"Now, because its Monopoly as per their request, and our boys don`t really qualify to play alone just yet, I will have one on my team and Oscar the other, and we need at least 4 players to make it fun..."

"...Elvira, where are you going with this?" I said rather suspicious.

"One of Oscar`s friends is going to join us."

"I swear to God, your mission in life is to get me , at least laid" hearing this Pedro could barely contain his laughter and my face went bright red. To make it more fun, I put the phone call on speaker so that he can her Elvira as well.

"Its not our mission, well not the only mission. You are an amazing girl and you deserve an amazing guy, and this guy Olivia, this guy is like he was designed to be with you. You are both awkward at times, and funny, and loving and also, you both love our boys so much. Come on. One time. If you dont like the guy we won`t ever try to set you up."

"Promise?" I asked while looking at Pedro. He was now the one hugging me from behind planting kisses on the top of my head. He made it hard to concentrate.

"I promise O! I promise! So?"

"Fine, Ill be there but only cause I love my nephews and I can`t say no to them! "

"See you at 5!" and with that she hung up on me.

"I`m sorry P. I need to go or they will literally haunt me with this until my dying breath."I was now turned around face to face with him. He said nothing. He just looked at me smiling from ear to ear.

"Well we better get ready then, because if we are late Oscar is gonna have us killed. "

"Wait, that`s why he called you?"

"It seems like their mission isnt to get you laid." I tried avoiding eye contact with him but his fingers directed my chin up, and gave me no choice but to look at him. "Their mission is to make the two of us meet and we are going to have a bit of fun with that now, won`t we?"

He had a playful look in his eyes now. And while discussing our plan I got all excited about how everything will unfold.

"We won`t let them know we are dating" he said.

"We won`t, wait, we are dating?"

"Only if you`ll have me" he said while his lips were inches away from mine.

"I wouldn`t give you up for anything in the world" and the distance between us was now long forgotten. There was no drop of neediness in his kisses, it was just the constant need to be close to me, to feel me, to touch me.

As we looked at the clock it was already lunch time. While I would have loved to spend the day with him until we went to Oscars, we both knew that in order for our plan to work we needed to arrive separately and pretend we didn`t know each other.

Easier said than done. All I wanted was to be with him, near him. All I wanted was to hold his hand and steal kisses. All I wanted was to be his, but I needed to put my game face on.

[onceuponaroast]

One upon a time so very long ago (before the pandemic) I was in my first car accident

I was just old enough to drive, and I was heading to a dog sitting gig when the map glitched on the car radio screen. I looked down for a second, and next thing I remember the car was screaming and there was smoke.

I'd hit a parked car. I was (and am) so so lucky I was the only living thing involved, and I wasn't hurt aside from a small seat belt bruise. I remember trying to call my dad, but my phone (which had been connected by the car via bluetooth) was unresponsive while trying to alert first responders. I'd totalled my mom's car.

I remember getting out of the car and sobbing in the middle of the street. It was a back road, not super busy. A few cars drove past me, and I could see the drivers staring. One of them laughed.

Apparently the crash was loud because a bunch of people from the nearby apartment building came out. One man saw me hyperventilating in the middle of the street and sat me down on the curb, handing me a bottle of water. He let me use his phone to call my dad.

Some woman had been hovering, and he let her know he'd sit with me. The woman said "I'm making sure she doesn't run off." He gestured at me, sobbing and blubbering on the curb, coffee spilled down my leg making it look like I'd peed myself, and said "Bro does she /look/ like she's going anywhere? I got it."

She walked away, muttering something about "you're lucky you got the scary black guy to look out for you." I laughed for the first time since I'd crashed. He talked about how cars are just things, and all that mattered is that I wasn't hurt, or worse.

When my dad got there I ran to hug him as he made sure I was okay. I heard the man say "Oh good, he's a good dad. I was worried I'd have to protect you." My dad thanked him over my shoulder.

At some point while we talked to the police and the paramedics and the owner of the car he left. I never saw him again, and I still think about him all the time. His kindness kept me from completely spiraling, I'd probably have gotten hit by a car by the time I'd managed to regain my composure if I'd been left alone.

I mean, other than letting me use his phone all he really did was talk to me, so I don't know if he even remembers it at all. But I think of him every time I pass that street, every time I see an accident, every time I worry when I drive (which is a lot).

I wish I could thank him. I hope he's doing well, that he's healthy and still joking with strangers who need it. I hope he knows how much he helped me. I hope that karma is real and he's had a wonderful few years since I saw him. I hope the world shows him the same kindness he showed me.

I'll always remember how that little bit of kindness felt. Thank you.

[huffledor-able541]

Um...okay, I'm fine. I'm totally fine😂 Definitely 😅 Not dying on the inside at all😭

I'm using this one again...👇

Okay, but tell me why I started hyperventilating after Eddie stuck that thing into Vecna's chest. My first thought was "WHY THE CHEST!? GO FOR THE HEAD!!!" And then I realized I've been way too deep in The Walking Dead and zombies things for waaaaayyyy too long only to realize...MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS RIGHT!!!😭😭😭 As Thanos once said, "You should've gone for the head"😭

Anywayyy, despite all my emotions killing me slowly, this is still so freaking amazing because of it.❤️

I just want to say I LOVE the "flashback" scene of when they both first met😭 The fact that the Reader said "Eighty-three" and then "It's going to be our year. I can feel it." Like you wanna make us cry? Probably. But the fact that Eddie says it for '86? My emotions! I died, dead...like Eddie😭 Omg, I'm sorry.😭

And OF COURSE! We knew Eddie went to her when she ran out from the gym that September night, like YES! He saw her and went to help 🥹❤️

And OMG Eddie fighting for the Reader's happiness and freedom? The fact he will fight for it even in his death? Thank you for this wholesomeness😭😭😭

And don't get me started on Eddie trying to give El and Max more time😭🖤

Despite the emotional roller-coaster this series has had me on, I am eternally grateful and am currently like this...

I don't want this to end😭

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟓

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏   ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐     ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑  

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒    ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓    ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔  

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕    ▹ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟖   ▹ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟗

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟎  ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏  ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟑 ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟒

This Chapter is NOT the final chapter - I needed to split it in two because else would’ve gotten too long, so Chapter 16 will be the final chapter of this series. I hope you enjoy it! - Love, Kiki 🖤  

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 |  Eddie Munson x female reader

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 |  THEN. You’re the only survivor among the Mind Flayer’s victims, thanks to your friends - but after the Battle of Starcourt, you find yourself adrift in a sea of nightmares. Until an encounter in the woods with Eddie The Freak Munson offers an unexpected life line and turns your world upside down. NOW. Four months have passed since the winter night you walked out of Eddie’s trailer and his life for good. But when the mysterious headaches and nightmares return full-force and something wicked stirs in sleepy Hawkins, starting a witch hunt against Eddie, you realize that there are two things in this world  that might be more persistent  than you’d thought: Evil…and love. The story is told in two timelines: the past (after the Battle of Starcourt) and the present (during the events of season 4).

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 | angst with a happy ending (I PROMISE!!!), fluff, smut, it turned into a fix it fic for ST4

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | SMUT (you need to be 18+ to read this story!), angst with a happy ending, attempted assault, bullying, canon-typical violence  

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 | ~40 minutes

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | spiders, canon-typical gore & violence, blood

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.  

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 & 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 ♡

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏   ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐     ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑  

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒    ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓    ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔  

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕    ▹ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟖   ▹ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟗

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟎  ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏  ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐

▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟑 ▹𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟒

[Thursday, March 28th, 1986.

ONE MINUTE AFTER MIDNIGHT.]

Silence.

There was only silence in the world around you, frozen in time.

Where the tune of Eddie’s heartbeat should have been thrumming against your ear.

Silence, broken only by the soft rustling sound of a thousand wings in the air as the swarm of bats continued their circular flight around you and Eddie.

With your eyes closed, it almost sounded like the wind rustling the leaves in the crowns of the trees around the clearing, the day Eddie had danced with you to the tunes of I Remember You. The day he’d almost kissed you. Sunshine painting streaks of caramel in his chocolate-colored curls, making his umber eyes glitter, the warmth of a thousand suns shining within them as he’d gazed at you.

Take me, too, you wanted to scream at the bats. Why don’t you take me, too?

Keep reading

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

“Is her ♐️ the one who fcked her up?”

I mean, my ♐️ definitely made me no longer want to live with a romantic partner. Like I legit don’t really want to ever live with someone I’m romantically interested in again because I see parts of them that are super unattractive, and I never wanna see a man too comfortable with me again. And my ♐️ mixed with my medication helped me see that I don’t really believe in monogamy anymore. I really don’t believe humans can continue to be satisfied by the same person for long amounts of time. People get bored and people want something different . He watched porn, I started to have a wandering eye when I stopped being physically attracted to him. But he doesn’t get the #1 Trophy of “who fcked up Rhaz”, that goes to my Druggy ♓️.

When I was 13 I met my older cousins new Metal skinny hot best friend. I was still the “younger cousin” and they were 6 years older than me so I was just a child to him. I had SUCH A CRUSH bro. I would hope I’d run into him in the hallway, or that I’d get to go swimming with him so I could show off my body “I’m not a child!” (Yes you were 🤦🏻‍♀️). One time my older cousins invited me to sit in a car with them while they hot-boxed it, and I got to sit next to him, he made a “hot and sticky” joke and I was so nervous that I got super nauseous and ended up hella sick in the bathroom. “Way to go Rhaz, super cool, you can totally hang with the big boys huh?”

When I was on the tail-end of 17, he was going through a breakup with his girlfriend of 4 or 5 years and he finally saw me as an option. He was 23 and I was 17 😑. Looking back on it, really not great. And everyone allowed it. My cousins, my aunt, my father.

We went to the movies, and I had never been SO NERVOUS around a man, and I have never been this nervous since. I was legit almost hyperventilating the whole time and he kept asking me if I was ok and I had to be like “yeah I just am super nervous and can’t breathe 😳😅” which I guess he thought was cute because it didn’t ruin the vibe. He tried to be a good boy and not fck me until I was 18 but I’m not a good girl.

Like a month or two into us dating I asked him if he wanted to take a shower with me, he’d never showered with a girl before. How? You are older than me and had a live in girlfriend? That’s weird? I made him actually shower though. “Don’t touch me, this is a shower, just because I’m in here too doesn’t mean don’t shower” it was sooooo hot. We made it the whole shower with 0 touching , when we got out of the shower I sat up on the counter and started kissing on him until he was too close not to put it in. That moment will stick with me forever. Huge! 🥴😳 painful. Aggressive.

He cuddled me always, running his fingers down my back and then dragging his nails up my back digging in deep. He played guitar and bass, and was good. Him and my cousin used to play music together and it sounded amazing. I used to have a video of them playing Call Of Kathulu but I don’t anymore. He watched anime with me for HOURS straight. He was into art. He was into cars. His music was Rap and Rock and angsty angry boy sht.

But he knew I liked opiates from overhearing me talk to my aunt about missing taking norcos with my drug dealer ass ♊️ ex. He also liked norcos. He liked that he had someone to enjoy drugs with in me.

He didn’t have a car and I didn’t have a car, he was going to get a job in Roseville while living at my aunts and I told him that if he did that, we would have to stop dating, because I don’t want to have to take the bus hella far every week or weekend or when ever to see him and I don’t wanna do long distance. He saw this as an ultimatum that made him angry with me. It’s not an ultimatum I’m just stating that if you live up here and get a job up here and it’s hard for us to see each other, I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I think that was reasonable even to this day. He chose to move in with me and get a job in my area. He lived with me at my dad’s and Grandmother’s house . Because he through such a fit about the “ultimatum” I asked my dad if it’s ok if he doesn’t pay rent and we buy our own food. HE DIDNT PAY RENT or contribute to the household at all.

The next 4 years were filled with norcos, morphine, roxies, Oxy, mushrooms, acid, Molly, Klonopin, cyclobenzaprine, Xanax, weed, alcohol. We would use one drug till the tolerance got too high and then cycle to the next one to help us come down off the first one. The first time I started taking OxyContin and we were out, he left me to come down ALONE , to go hang out and care for his male friend who was also a druggy. I had never had such bad come-downs I was afraid! I was annoyed and sick! He made up for it later. I guess.

Then one day I brought home adderall. He told me he had an issue with it in highschool but he didn’t emphasize to me any time of addiction? We took it and it had a blast. We stayed up all night cuddling, fcking, and watching “Australia’s Deadliest Creatures” on Netflix . When we were out I thought “ cool that was fun, next!” But what I didn’t know if that his coworkers at the truss yard heard he liked adderall and started offering him meth.

He started doing meth behind my back. He started coming home and sleeping for hours and picking at his face but, we did that on opiates, I thought it was normal? Then he started accusing me of messing with the computer, which I didn’t do and didn’t understand what he was seeing or thinking I did to it. He started accusing me of cheating on him, when all I ever did was go to work at Starbucks or Sams Club and go home. I spent all my time with him, he lived with me! If I hung out with coworkers at all after my shift he would blow up my phone. He would say he’s pick me up after work and then fall asleep and I’d have to walk or bus home and then he’d be mad I didn’t “call him enough” .

I finally told him I’m over how he is acting and “what the fck is your deal?!” And he told me he was doing meth and it was fcking up his life. He BLAMED ME! For bringing the adderall home. He told me he was trying to stop and that he just needed help and care for a while, SO I DID. He was already almost always tended to and pampered anyways but I tried to choke down my anger and disgust for him doing meth to help him out of it.

Instead of telling me when he was having cravings or was sick and not ok, he just started doing meth again behind my back. For another few months! Then he started getting violent. He would accuse me of cheating or lying and when I would argue back he would belittle me and call me names and back me into corners. He was driving me crazy! I had undiagnosed ADHD and was on painkilllers, my anger and rage was also pretty uncontrollable. I would throw things and yell. Our relationship became to toxic and scary. I watched as the man I loved since I was a child and a man I wanted a life with become this monster who dragged me down with him constantly to his level.

I couldn’t fcking do it anymore! After he shoved me into a desk, I started sleeping in the garage at night. I would have to lock the door because he wanted in there so badly. He would bang on the door and yell through it, and my dad would yell at him and tell him to fuck off. He would say things like “I know you have another man in there I can see it! I can see you sucking his dck you fucking whre! “ when I was legit just laying in makeshift bedding on the floor of the garage with my laptop playing YouTube or on Facebook. It was scary!

I told him that I couldn’t help him anymore and that I needed him to move out, but where was he going to go?! Am I really about to kick a man I love out on the street?! To be homeless?! While he is dealing with addiction?! Do I even love him? Do I have a heart? Am I abandoning him?! This STILL HURTS ME! I will never stop feeling guilty for this!

My ♌️ SAVED ME! She didn’t even know me. I was just some girl at work she decided to let stay on her couch for a few nights. She came and picked me up the last night I saw him for years. He broke everything in my room. He broke EVERYTHING!

He finally left when he figured I wasn’t coming back until he left. My aunt took him in, he left in my aunt and uncles garage for another year. He took advantage of their kindness. He continued to do drugs , not keep a job, he got a new druggy girlfriend to be toxic and abuse and fight with. They finally couldn’t take it anymore either and the kicked him out.

This last year I got a new job where I get to drive around for work, I would have to SEE HIM! Homeless! Begging! At an freeway exit. Weeks in a row I had to see his face out there!

This isn’t my fault! He is his own person! He made his own decisions! I don’t understand addiction, I’m sorry I don’t. I got off pills. I take kratom daily, which isn’t too much better but it doesn’t destroy my life and eat all my money and take away life opportunities for me. I didn’t make him homesless! He did that to himself ! He chose that ! I didn’t chose that for myself!

My ♐️ was someone who I could do drugs with for fun like this, and he didn’t get addicted, and he didn’t choose drugs over a job or having disposable income. My ♐️ was into music, and art, and cars, and good food, and video games. My ♐️ had a good sense of style (before he would gain weight and I wasn’t attracted to him physically anymore each time it happened ) . My ♐️ was always calm, never quick to anger or anxiety. It balanced out with my constant high-strung personality. We would go to events like concerts and raves, and take molly . Or take mushrooms or acid and just hang out and go for walks and look at graffiti. We would go to museums and art shows, and car shows. He used to be adventurous and fun, used to be. He will blame it on me never wanting to go outside anymore but I didn’t want to go outside anymore because I didn’t think he looked cute anymore and I didn’t want to be “that couple” where I thought one was hot and the other wasn’t. The “how did he get her” couple, which is gross and shallow of me but that’s just who I am ok. I’m vain. I take pride in my appearance. My ♐️ started out cuddly , then it was “it’s too hot for that” “you are hurting my arm/chest” “hold on I have to smoke” . My ♐️ was aggressive in bed, which I liked, but we stopped having sex often because I wasn’t initiating because I wasn’t attracted to him, and he would watch porn and blow his load and not be craving any actual physical intimacy anymore. He starved me of my love language completely for the last 3 or 4 years of our 6 years relationship.

So yeah, I don’t trust people, I don’t love people, I don’t want to be responsible for anyone, I don’t want my life decisions to affect anyone else’s life, I won’t stay with someone when they are struggling, I won’t stay with someone if they don’t stay physically attractive to me, sex and touch is a drug to me so if one person doesn’t give it to me I find someone else who will . People are temporary. Except my ♌️. I hope I never lose her. I hope I can be there for her if she ever needs me, but I know I could never be there for her like she is there for me.

I love the moments we share, but that’s what they are, “moments”, and one day you’ll change into something I don’t like, and I’ll walk away like I always do. “Next!”