#TOO MANY IDEAS NIT ENOUGH TIME

[zhuhongs]

oh noninonononóooo

[alfascorpiionux]

Astro notes ~ part 2

Venus in Aries women tend to be called not feminine enough and could be criticised for the way they move or speak. “Not feminine enough” is something they likely heard at least a few times.

Earth Ascendants tend to put too much pressure on themselves and value responsibility. They may come off as cold and unapproachable without meaning too. They dislike or look down on chaotic and unreliable people.

Sun in Pisces are some of the most trustworthy and kind people I’ve ever met. They are sensible, thoughtful and make great friends.

Sun in Aquarius could be both clingy and distant. It really depends on the person in question and their current emotional well-being. They are known to struggle with recognising or processing their own feelings. The higher manifestation of this placement might actually spend more time by themselves as they realise this is what they truly need or they might just become more independent in general. It’s a funny thing with Aquarius. It’s when they are most chill and just doing their own thing that they attract the most attention. If they try too hard to keep a relationship, they almost always lose it. It mostly could be related to a shaky self of self-identity.

Saturn in 3rd house could bring difficulties in communication. Either you stumble over your words, speak too much or too little or just feel like you cannot find common conversation topics with other people. You are responsible, sometimes to your detriment, as it could lead to a false sense of expectation of what other people should do or be like. You love deeply and have a few select people you pour all your love into and would do anything for. Could mean you are a little rigid and definitely don’t like sharing personal stuff.

Moon in Capricorn: when will you stop denying and over-rationalising your own feelings? Being vulnerable and expressing your feelings is not a weakness as society seems to want to teach us. It takes an enormous amount of courage and strength. It’s about being your authentic self with all of its gifts and imperfections. It will not make you exploitable or create unnecessary drama/conflict. But rather it will open your eyes to truths that may currently be hidden from you. In any relationship, especially personal, emotional compatibility is essential. If you keep being polite and inauthentic you’ll never feel truly fulfilled or find the people who are right for you.

Also, stop being so hard on yourself for every little detail. Allowing yourself to relax and take a break once in a while is important for your mental, emotional and physical well-being. It may also enable you to see different situations more clearly.

Mercury in Virgo: you are amazingly patient and definitely notice the “smaller print”. You might be good at making diagrams, charts, tables. You probably don’t make mistakes when doing calculations and might have a real affinity for the exact sciences. You know how to explain things in simple, concrete and very understandable terms. You know lots of things and are very willing to share them with others. Careful not to come off as a know-it-all and watch out for your nit-picking tendencies.

Neptune in 1st house: is actually a quite interesting placement. People probably tend to project on you a lot. They might have completely false ideas about you and believe them with conviction even when you consistently convince them otherwise. Be very attentive of those you surround yourself with! Sometimes the kindest acts hide the darkest pits of hell.

This placement gives a charming, sometimes ethereal appearance to the individual. There is a charming quality to the way you carry yourself, the manner in which you express your ideas. People could have hidden fantasies about you or idolise you.

Sagittarius Ascendant: talkative, sort of daring personality. If you don’t have many friends, the then you at least have a large circle of acquaintances. You like expressing your ideas, sometimes just to stir the waters. You’re up for fun and spontaneous activities. You like creative people. In social settings you tend to “fly” from one group of people to another as you enjoy exchanging news, ideas, impressions with other people. You may not understand why some earth ascendants like keeping silent. It’s not that they don’t want to talk to you or are angry with you, social situations probably stress them out and they don’t like having their routine interrupted. That’s something to take into consideration.

Also, try not arguing with people just for the sake of proving your point every time. Choose your battles wisely.

Gemini Ascendants: are the real masters of social situations. It’s not mentioned nearly enough just how good they can be at picking up on social cues. They might wisely not show it or even mention it later on, but you can be damn sure they didn’t miss a thing. Also, they are very flexible/adaptable communication wise. If you have a more subdued way of communication they’ll talk more softly and encouragingly. If you are loud and enthusiastic they will try appearing that way as well.

They pick up on the vibes of a room: main relationships between people, primary personality traits, attitudes, if someone has social anxiety etc. They probably also know about secret enemies and crushes but will pretend not to.

Look out for mind games and subtle shows of cunning from them. For example: if you are a heterosexual woman having a secret crush on a heterosexual man and he picks up on it, they might subtly do something to make you feel jealous. Or more blatantly. They could talk to almost every other woman in the classroom but ignore you. Or start talking very pleasantly with you girl friend while you are around etc.

I like associating this placement with the Scandinavian God, Loki, the trickster. They are definitely the type of people that test both the spirit and composure of others. Not always, but there is this tendency, without a doubt.

They might also subtly look down on those who are shy/find it hard to express themselves.

Moon in 8th house never truly gets over a crush. They don’t fall in love easily but once they do you’ll forever remain in their heart. If you leave never to meet them again then you’ll be one of the spirits in the “graveyard” of their souls, ever present and never to be completely forgotten. They are people who are authentic and love with incredible depth and intensity. Once you become their person, they would do anything to make you feel understood and loved. Could have difficulties letting go or accepting rejection.

[rafsmusicalnotes]

Insecurities with Rafayel

Tags: Comfort, Fluff, Smut 

Premise: Rafayel wants to go swimming at the beach with you, but you’re insecure about the stretch marks and cellulite on your body, afraid it’ll turn him off completely. He comforts you and reassures you that he’s completely enamored by you. It’s kind of implied that it’s the earlier stages of dating Rafayel (you’ve walked along the beach with him, but haven’t gone swimming with him). 

MC is gender neutral, but does have a vagina.

MC's physical body isn't described, besides saying there's stretch marks and cellulite (implied mostly on the legs). I try to make my works as inclusive as possible. I hate to leave anyone out.

~4.5k words

MDNI 🔞

It’s the summer, the perfect season for going swimming at the beach. The weather is hot, the seagulls are out, it’s an easy sweat just standing two minutes outside, so of course he’d ask to go swimming at the beach with you. It’s right by his studio, and if not that beach, the private island that he owns. And of course, he'd tell you to prepare a week ahead, and of course, you haven’t gone swimming at the beach in years. And of course, to go swimming, you need a bathing suit. And of course, your old bathing suit doesn’t fit anymore. You’re not a teenager anymore; you're an adult. An adult with a grown body. A body with skin stretched around it. You thought you didn’t care, but now that there’s plans to go swimming at the beach with him… Suddenly, it hurts to see yourself sometimes, and staring too long at the creeping marks around your lower abdomen, thighs, hips, arms, chest, etc. just makes it worse. 

Those “marks” which you believe look more like lingering claw marks holding and curving around your body weigh heavily on your mind as you go shopping for a bathing suit. You see other adults and take notice of their smoother skin with less marks, and you try not to let it get to you. You know better than to compare yourself to other people, but it’s a horrible habit that’s been hard to break. Usually those comparisons are nothing more than a passing thought, but they’re lingering lately much longer than they should.

You try on various shapes and designs of swimwear. Whatever you can get your hands on, but something in the back of your mind keeps nit picking at yourself, so now you’re sitting in the changing room, kinda sweaty from changing so many times in a small space that isn’t well ventilated. You stand one more time, and you look behind you, and oh… Cellulite. As if you needed another reason to not go, and another reason to pick at yourself. 

You know it’s just the horrible lighting in the room, but you can't help but start grabbing at your legs and messing with the fat distribution. You’re not going to cry. No, you’re not. You’re an adult with an adult body. This is normal. You know it’s normal, but you wish you weren’t right now. You quickly put on your clothes, and hang all the swimwear on the return rack. As you walk out the store, you’re already planning various ideas on letting Rafayel down gently. 

After much thought, you decide to do it about 2 days before the date. You’re cutting it close, but a part of you wants him to be upset at you. As some sort of odd self punishment you think you deserve. Also, you do it over call, so you don’t have to see his face, hearing his disappointment is more than enough to guilt you.

“Ahh I’m so sorry Rafayel, but I accidentally picked up a shift for that day.” 

“Accidentally? And you’re sure you can’t take it back?” 

“Maybe I could? But it would feel kind of rude… look I’m really sorry.”

“I get it. We can go another day, right? The beach isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Also, don’t overwork yourself, cutie.”

Rafayel’s soft chuckles reverberate into your head and down your spine in a similar warmth, but your frigid guilt washes it away. You hate that you’re telling a half truth; you did pick up a shift, but it was never an accident. 

Now, a few weeks pass before Rafayel tries again to set up another beach date. This time, he brings it up while you’re in his studio. Whilst he’s busy opening boxes of packages he ordered a week or so ago, you’re sitting on his couch, watching him pull out random articles of clothing, gadgets, and even some strange ceramic pieces. After some time of opening boxes, he shifts the conversation to arranging another beach date.

“I’m telling you way ahead of time, so this time don’t forget and accidentally pick up a shift please. I’ll tell you about it everyday if I have to.”

He moves to sit next to you, and you tell him okay. Unfortunately, as the conversation keeps going along, a familiar heaviness of insecurity and guilt takes the forefront of your consciousness. More specifically, you’re distracted by how you don’t even have a bathing suit, the stretch marks, the cellulite, and most importantly, will he catch on if you make another excuse again? 

“Hey cutie, what’s on your mind?”

The question cuts through your trance, and you refocus your attention on him. His body is leaning towards you, and his brows are a bit furrowed as he scans your face. 

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

You barely manage to roll that response out as you lean your body away from him. Can he tell something is up? Can he tell you really don’t wanna go? Well, it’s not that you don’t, but would he even still be attracted to you? Could he see you and still want to be with you? You shift your gaze down to his blouse, and peak at the defined collarbone and sculpted chest. Another comparison that adds another weight. You’ve been adding on a lot lately.

Then you look at his face again. Perfectly smooth, free of blemishes. Another weight. 

“Yeah, thinking about what? ‘Cause you’re staring off a terrible lot.”

He leans even closer and a cheeky smile paints his face, but his eyes still show deep concern. And they’re trying to meet your eyes, but you won’t let it happen. 

“Just... thinking.”

“Thinking… Would you let me in, please?” He’s reaching over to hold your hand, kissing your knuckles. “I promise I won’t stop pestering until you tell me.” He winks at you, and your heart beats a lil faster. You’re flattered by his gesture, but scared of his response if you told him the truth. 

“I can’t go.”

“Go where?”

“The beach Rafayel.” 

“Can’t? Why?” He leans back to give you space to think, but he still holds your hand, so you can’t run away from this. There’s a long pause in the air as you reach for words to catch in your mind. What’s a good reason? You want to go. You really do, but you’re not ready to go with him. The flattering, fashionable, funny guy of your dreams. What if it all falls apart at the beach? What if he tells you some crap that ‘oh it’s all in the beauty of your soul’ or some crap. You know he likes your personality already. That’s probably what has kept him with you this long. That’s not what you want to hear, but what if he’s not even attracted to you anymore after that date. And suddenly, he’s asking less and less to go on dates, and then… he breaks up with you?

“What’s going on?” He whispers, his fingers trace the side of your face. “You’re starting to seriously worry me.” 

“I’m sorry. I wanna go, but… Oh it’s so stupid and embarrassing.” 

“Can’t be that stupid if it’s holding you back from going somewhere you wanna go.”

You make an odd noise from the back of your throat. You should tell him. You really should, but you feel so stupid. It’s such a ridiculous reason. At least that’s what you’re telling yourself now that he’s putting you in the spotlight. 

“I’m worried about something.” It took so much out of you to even say that, so you’re starting to sweat and slowly shifting away to the furthest end of the couch. 

“Yes?” He lets you shift away, but never lets go of your hand. He’s starting to get nervous too, and you can feel it in the way his hands are starting to sweat, and he holds on tighter.

“I’m worried that… That you won’t like me anymore afterwards.” You stare at the connected hands–  you’ve loosened your grip.  Because if he wants to let you go after this, then he has every right. A good, handsome guy like him deserves an equally good, beautiful person that has more self confidence than you could ever muster. 

“That.. I won’t like you anymore?” Rafayel tilts his head to the side, eyes widening for a moment, but quickly returning to normal. “Why wouldn’t I like you anymore? I’ve loved you thus far haven’t I? Why would one good date ruin that? One good date at the beach, may I add, because you’ve been fine with other dates and meetups. Even today’s meetup. What’s so different at the beach? Haven’t we walked alongside it before as well?”

You sigh and shrug your shoulders. “It’s because at those other dates, other non-beach dates, I’m dressed up. Y’know? Even when we walk alongside it, I’m still dressed up. Nice blouse, sandals, whatever. I’m not naked. Not even close. But like an actual beach date, you wear a swimsuit. I remember you told me to prepare for that, and I went shopping for it, but I just... I hate it.” 

Rafayel nods along and lets you keep going, his gaze never drifting away from you despite how yours darts from place to place. In those small milliseconds that he can catch your eyes, he takes notice of the worry and fear that plagues your mind; he’s catching onto what you’re trying to push out, but he needs to hear it from you. 

“Hate what?”, he whispers and reaches out to hold your other hand. 

You feel a pull in the back of your throat. Like it’s holding your voice back, but you push through it because you decide, if this is really something that he can't help you through, then he was never really that flattering, fashionable, funny guy of your dreams.

“My body,” you say through an exhale that barely pushes against the pull that was holding you back.

“But your body is gorgeous.” Rafayel moves to your side of the couch and lets go of one hand to cup your face, carefully maneuvering to see your face properly. “I’ve always thought so.”

“But you haven't seen me in swimwear at a beach, Rafayel. I went shopping the other day and do you know how ugly I was.” You hate to get choked up, but it can’t be helped. These things have been weighing on you the entire time, and you’re just placing it all bare at once, to the guy you want to hide it from the most. “And I don’t want to go to the beach, and you realize ‘oh that’s ugly’ and then stop liking me. And I can’t force you to like me, so I would just have to wait until you break up with me because I know I won’t do it.” You keep rambling and forcefully pull your hands away to hide behind them. “This is so stupid and embarrassing.” 

Rafayel takes the time to think about what you’ve said. As he formulates his response, he puts his arms around you to pull you as close as he can to himself, and then tucks your head under his chin as he lets you cry. Hearing you speak so poorly about the person he loves the most hurt him so deeply, yet he could only imagine the suffering you’ve been enduring with yourself. He knows this is a deeper issue than he could ever hope to solve in one day, but he hopes that at the very least, his words breach the surface and make light of what has been weighing you. “You’re not ugly at all. The opposite really. I promise. I’ve liked you for a long long time. Longer than you will ever know.” He speaks clearly into the open as he pats your head. “And I’ve been attracted to you since the beginning. I promise.”

“Only because you haven’t seen all my weird stretch marks.” You close your eyes, squeeze your legs together, and cross your arms in a poor attempt to soothe yourself and to hide, making yourself small. “And cellulite,” you mumble off, and all the weights on your soul seem to tug you down to drown you deeper towards despair as you recall the changing room mirrors. 

“So-? They’re attractive as well.” You open your eyes and move your head to look at him. “You’re just saying that.” He pinches your cheek. “Nah uh. I’m not. I promise. Where are they? I'll tell you how attracted I am to every bit of you”. He shifts you to sit on his lap, your back to his chest, and his chin now rests on your shoulder. He won't let you hide any longer. You're his precious pearl, after all. You're meant to be admired. To be loved and appreciated, especially by him. His hands glide up and down the sides of your thighs for a few strokes before settling on your hips. “Go on, ” He kisses the side of your neck, “I’ll love you no matter what, and if I don’t, you can always dump me. You deserve someone who loves you for every fiber of your being, and I am that person. I promise.” He chuckles at his last remark, giving you a gentle squeeze.  

You’re hesitant, but nod your head firmly. It’s true. You do deserve someone like that, and if he isn’t really that person, then he’s not yours. It would hurt to let him go, but you have every bit the ability to leave him as he does to you. Then, you lift up your shirt just enough, and pull down the waistband just enough to show the stretch marks on your abdomen. 

Your head is turned away, but Rafayel looks down as his hands move to rub at your lower stomach. “Attractive. Just as I said.” He whispers and slows his fingers to trace along the marks. “Like gentle streams across your body...” He mumbles “Leading me right to the most lovely parts of you.” His hands move towards the center and his fingers peak just underneath the waistband before drawing back to your hips. You twitch in response and shift in his lap, eliciting a groan from him. “Can I see more? I wanna see all of them,” his whispers gently blow into your ear.

“Okay…” You tug the waistband an inch or two lower to expose the skin of your hips. “And there’s more around my chest and arms…” Rafayel seems to perk up at the mention, kissing your shoulder. 

“You know, I invited you over because I was kinda in an art block, hence the boxes and boxes of random stuff. But I see how unnecessary that all was now.” He kisses follow the curve of your neck as one hand caresses your hips and the other creeps along your side and over your chest, lifting your shirt higher in the process. 

“In Lemuria, stretch marks are seen as a sign of growth, maturity and even vitality. They’re markings of someone strong and dedicated… These lighter ones represent new beginnings and divinity…Then, these darker ones mean finding love in creativity or creativity in love. Whichever you prefer.” He speaks quietly into your ear, these are meant for you alone. “And that represents you perfectly, doesn’t it? My beautiful muse.” 

“Now, what was it about cellulite?” The last weight that laid the heaviest on you, suddenly felt much lighter right now. “It’s just like. When my fat dimples and whatnot when I’m standing a lil bit. But especially when I’m sitting. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to show you really…” Rafayel’s heavy gaze never leaves as you stand up and fix down your shirt. He picks up on how you keep the waistband low. He wants to have his hands there again. He spreads his legs just enough so that when he pulls you towards him, you slot right between them. He lets you ponder, and he leans forward to kiss the marks on your skin, his fingers flirting with the waistband. You flinch when you feel his tongue flick out and drag along your marks. “Wait Raf..” He hums in response and stops, nuzzling into your stomach. “Yes, your majesty?” 

“Uhm..” You never thought you’d be saying this, “I have yet to show you my cellulite.” Rafayel lifts his head up to see you and nods. “Yeah that’s right. I think I know how you can show me.” Abruptly, he stands up, lifting you off the floor, and he carries you to his bedroom. “What’s your amazing idea?” You query, and in response, he puts you down on the bed, front facing down. “Just stay still.” You can feel the bed dip as he climbs on after you. “Is it okay if I take these off?” His fingers hook around your waistband. You nod, “Yes.” He pulls them off, eyes immediately going to the stretch marks he couldn’t see before. 

He swallows the saliva building in this mouth and puts his hands at the back of your knees. “Is it okay if I move my hands up cutie?” He questions, and as soon as you give the okay, he moves his hands upwards, giving a firm massage up the backs of your thighs while he works on kissing every mark on your lower back, occasionally giving small licks. He notices the dimples in your skin as he pushes his hands up towards your ass. “This is what you were worried about?” He chuckles lightly. “Oh my petite artist and your worries. These are lovely like the soft ripples of a calm ocean. Kinda reminds me of home, and the way the light barely manages to trickle through during sunset and sunrise.” The weights on your mind and soul are dissipating, and a new warm, heated feeling creeps to replace it. 

You feel a fluttering kiss right at the crease of your ass and thigh, “Rafayel–!”.

“Can’t you let me savor this a little more?” You suddenly feel his entire weight press down against you. “Please?” The sensation of his breath against the shell of your ear dances with every nerve along your body. “Every mark just keeps leading me right to…,” he rolls his hips once against you, “...your most lovely parts.” Then, just before you can look back, he turns you around himself and spreads your legs, settling them around his hips. He makes sure your hips are just high enough so his boner is nudging just right against your sex. His thumbs are gently rubbing circles at your hips, and for once since this whole ordeal, you properly meet his eyes. He’s blushing, but he’s not embarrassed or shy like he usually is. His eyes carry a stronger emotional depthness. There’s a romantic sparkle, but also this heavy lust in them. His soft lips are slightly parted to take deeper breaths, chest noticeably rising and falling. You look down, and you’re transfixed at how strained his dick is in his slacks. “Cutie, I wanna feel your beautiful body, and paint it with mine.” He leans down, holding himself up with his forearms, grinding his hips down and carefully kissing along your jaw. “Would you let me?”  He gives one final kiss to your lips and waits for your answer.  “Yes. Please.” You don't know where to place your hands, but gripping the bed feels cold, so you hold onto his shirt, one hand over his heart where it’s warmest.

“Thanks cutie.” He smirks and presses his lips against yours again. Slowly and sensually at first, but gradually deepening as he grinds his hips against you; his hands fondle at your chest, fingers grazing over your nipples. He pulls away, feeling a deep sense of pride when he picks up on how you tried to keep following. “Want more, yeah?” He takes off his shirt and works off his slacks. Then, his calloused fingers pressed against the damp spot on your underwear. “Excited aren't we, my muse?”

He leans forward to whisper in your ear, “And I am too.” He kisses down your chest and puts one nipple in his mouth as his hands tugs down your underwear. “So good for me,” He mumbles against your chest, “Just relax for me.” Carefully he pulls your hips to the edge of the bed, mouth still leaving open kisses on your chest and sucking light bruises. 

Once he was proud of the work he made of your chest, he works his kisses down against your stomach and gives a few short licks along the way before slotting his face against your pussy, letting his nose bump against your clitoral hood and tongue give long flat licks against your pussy. His thumbs help to keep you spread apart to taste every surface of you. He tries to take his time savoring you, kneeled by the bedside, but despite his best efforts, he drools and laps against you. His tongue curls up inside and then towards your clit. So engrossed in the taste and smell, he almost forgets that this was meant to please you more than himself. 

And without you realizing, the entire time, he was dancing his fingers along the stretch marks of your inner thighs. He was worshiping your body, gently massaging and soothing away the weeks worth of pain you had held up. 

He slowly changes his motion, taking shorter flat flicks against your clit, fingers sliding inside and feeling around the ribbing of your walls. He works you open to three fingers and rolls his tongue in circles around your clit. You can’t stop bucking your hips up and rubbing against his face. Your hands grapple at his head, grabbing onto whatever you can– you need him. 

As your orgasm builds up, Rafayel resists less and allows you to guide him, giving you more control of his movement. He’s losing his sensibility, so he almost needs you to move him. His cock’s achy and throbbing, tip tapping at his stomach. He reaches down to try and stop the dribbling precum from reaching the floor but it’s a useless attempt. Precum is getting all over the floor and his hand. He can barely manage a short stroke down his shaft without whimpering. He quickly realizes that he can’t do anything for himself if he doesn’t wanna cum before you, but it’s getting painful. 

He wants you to cum so bad. He’s twitching at every flutter and throb against his face. He gives up on being gentle and puts his focus on suckling on your clit. You can barely make out his meek attempts at pleading with you “please…please. Please…” With just a few more sharp tongue rolls and strokes and final harsh suckle of your clit, you cum. Quickly, he’s slurping up your orgasm, tongue taking up all you can give and gulping down as much as he can. This is his sanctuary. Where his purpose is, where he belongs, and without having realized, he came too. And it’s likely the Lemurian biology, but it doesn’t shoot out particularly far, but the semen is thick and heavy. It’s getting all over his fingers and spilling across on the floor. 

But he wants to feel just a bit more. He needs to feel more, but you pull him away. His whimpers almost sound like choked up sobs, like he’s disappointed it’s over. When you loosen your grip on him, he creeps forward to kiss you. The tip of his cock is kissing at your entrance, and you’re uncontrollably clenching. “Can I?” He looks so dazed, and lost, not completely in his right mind, and you’re not any better.

“Please.” You whine, and that’s all it takes before he’s inside you in one languid stroke. He trembles the entire time, feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated inside your pussy. 

“Thank you cutie,” you take notice of the shakiness in his voice. “But I think I’m gonna cum again soon.” His chuckle echoes through the fogginess of your mind; he sounds so distant and quiet with the ringing in your ears still there from your orgasm. “That’s okay.” You whisper back, reaching out to wrap your arms around his neck– it’s a weak attempt at grounding yourself, so he doesn’t sound so far away. “So please keep going, I love you.” Suddenly, he tenses up and shivers at your whispers, and you realize.

He came again. Right inside. Your eyes go wide. It feels like you’re slowly being filled with cum. Meanwhile, Rafayel’s still and whining into your neck. “I wasn’t ready for that… and I love you, too.” He refuses to show his face as he does shallow pumps, grinding his hips a little when he’s balls deep, like he’s trying to push it all against your cervix. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d have lasted longer.” After a few moments, when he’s finally done cumming, he leans back and watches as he slowly slides out, biting his lip at the view. His cock is completely coated in your slick, and mostly his cum. He takes a moment before pulling the tip out, wanting to really draw the last moment. But after he does, he lays down beside you, floating down from his orgasm.

“You know, I kinda knew something was up since the first time you ‘accidentally’ picked up a shift. You sounded really guilty. But I didn't think over the phone was the best time to confront you. You sounded so sad already.” He turns to hold you. “I was worried, you know? Maybe I had made you uncomfortable? I don't know, but next time don't be afraid to tell me these things. It's okay to depend on me, to ask me about these things.” You nod along, “I know, I was just worried and didn’t want to bother you.”

 “I’ve told you before, but I guess you forgot. I want every one of your bad moods.” He reaches to hold one of your hands.

“But what if I'm too moody, and it becomes a pain?” You squeeze his hand, and he does the same in kind.

“I said every. one. I truly mean it. Besides, just seeing you smile is enough to brighten my day.” 

Afterwards, there's a long pause. He breaks silence first. 

“So like… when do you wanna go shopping for swimwear? I got so many ideas of what we could wear. I bookmarked soooo many tabs.” 

You laugh at the sudden change of tone, “We?” 

“Yeah we could go matching,” he pinches your cheek before continuing, “And I'm happy that you're laughing again, but I'm serious. Don't laugh.” 

There's a light airy playfulness as the conversation continues. Giggles back and forth and light teasing. Whatever insecurities you had weighed on yourself so heavily before, feel so far away. Like it had never happened. Or like it was evaporated out of your skin, and all that’s left is a newfound appreciation for yourself.

A/N: Another week, another work done. Editing takes a lot of work btw. Rereading my own work over and over again until I'm satisfied with it. This was supposed to just be another hurt/comfort fic but it ended up having smut in the end. But it also ends on a kinda funny note, so a win in my opinion. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did. Also, sometimes I like to include lines directly from the game into my writing if I can. That's what the bolded words at the end are for. I got them from that five star memory with fireworks with Rafayel. Sparkling Traces is what it's called, I just searched it up lol.

I think the smut is pretty soft though. I didn't mean to write Rafayel as being so sensitive... but I couldn't help it. It's been 800 years, I can only imagine how pent up that guy is.

OH! Before I forget, yeah I try not to describe the MC's body as much as possible ever. Unless it's specifically for the cause like yk stretch marks and cellulite in this one. I want my writing to be inclusive to all. 🥹🫶I know it's hard to read something while being fully aware it's completely not for someone like you. I remember I was originally gonna write it with a chubby/fat reader in mind, but yk skinny/thin people have stretch marks and cellulite as well. So I decided to cut that out.

But overall, thank y'all so much for reading, and if you have any ideas or suggestions, don't be afraid to ask (if you like my writing ofc). I don't bite. Follow for short updates or if you ever wanna drop me a chat, I'm open to speaking! Please shower this with as much love or more that you gave my first post 🥹🫶I appreciate every note I get on this. It really motivates me to keep publishing my works.

[lemoncrushh]

You Said You'd Never Leave

Summary: You worry that you can no longer handle being Harry's girlfriend.

Warnings: angst, insecurities, mentions of body image issues and anxiety

Word Count: 1735

A/N: Another angsty blurb from my 2016 collection, most likely based on a prompt. Famous Harry x reader.

Juggling the bags of groceries in your hands, you turned the key and shoved the door open with your knee. Not bothering to close it behind you, you made it to the kitchen without dropping the bags until you reached the counter. That was when the tears began to fall. You rested your hands on the countertop while your vision blurred as you let it all out. Your entire body shook with sobs. You couldn't do this anymore.

You suddenly heard a sound, causing you to stand up straight and wipe your eyes. But you quickly realized it was just something outside, a neighbor mowing his lawn, or perhaps the postal carrier. Remembering that you'd left the front door open, you walked over to shut it, turning the lock. You leaned against the closed door, your shoulders still shaking and your heart pounding in your chest.

"Stop crying," you told yourself, wiping your soaked cheek with the back of your hand.

You returned to the kitchen to unload the groceries. As you put the vegetables in the refrigerator, you secretly wondered if they would go bad after you left.

After you left...

You shook your head, hurrying to put the rest of the food away before another flood of tears came. Then you headed for the bedroom where your dress hung on the closet door. You stopped in the doorway when you saw it. You'd almost forgotten you'd hung it there the night before. It was long and black with a deep neckline. Although you'd been hesitant to wear it, Harry had told you you'd look beautiful in it.

Trying your best not to cry again, you walked into the adjacent bathroom and turned on the water for a shower. Then you deliberately undressed, catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.

You didn't like what you saw. Worse, you didn't like what other people saw.

Your body and overall physical appearance had never been an issue until you'd started dating Harry. Sure, he thought you were beautiful and told you so constantly. But it never seemed to be enough to chase away the inner demons, the voices in your head that told you he was too good for you, and completely out of your league.

Of course it didn't help that everywhere you turned someone was talking about you, posting pictures of you either alone or together. They would criticize what you were wearing, commenting on your curves or some minuscule detail that you'd never even thought twice about before. The magazines printed trash about you, sometimes twisting a story or even making one up completely just to shut you down.

You'd been dealing with this for a while now. You'd moved in with Harry nearly three months ago, and you'd dated for another five months before that. One would think you knew how to shake things off and let them be. But you couldn't. It got to you. It scarred you.

You even had Harry fooled. Not that he didn't know what you were going through. He saw it firsthand. He knew it bothered you. But he had no idea to what degree. You acted cool as a cucumber when you were out, and assured him many times over that seeing the tabloids and pap pictures didn't mean a thing to you.

It was all a lie.

As you stepped into the shower, you recalled the look on the woman's face in the supermarket. She'd looked at you like she knew you and for a moment you even glared at her, trying to place her from somewhere. But when she glanced at the magazine on display and back at you, you knew she was scrutinizing you, mentally nit-picking every little detail about you. You'd turned around to pay for your groceries when the young cashier's jaw dropped.

"Oh my God," she'd said, halfway between a squeal and a cough.

You'd quickly paid for your items and made your way out to the parking lot, not giving the girl a chance to say anything beyond have a nice day. You could feel the eyes on you. You couldn't see them, but you knew they were there. You'd driven home in silence until your phone rang, scaring you and causing you to nearly run off the road. You'd known it was Harry, but you didn't answer.

After the shower, you dried off with a towel and returned to the bedroom. You eyed the dress hanging up, but instead opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. You knew you wouldn't be wearing that dress tonight.

You weren't sure how long you'd been sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into space when you heard the front door open. You didn't bother to answer when Harry called your name down the hall. You didn't even look up when he stopped in the doorway.

"Hey," he greeted. "Did you get my message?"

You lifted your head slowly then. You'd forgotten to play back his message.

"Sorry," you muttered. "I was in the car when you called."

"Oh," he said, stepping into the room. "No worries. I was just saying I'd be a little late."

"Okay," you nodded solemnly.

"Something wrong?" Harry inquired. "I thought you'd be dressed."

You looked down at your t-shirt that you'd already forgotten you'd put on. You took a deep breath and lifted your eyes.

"I'm not going," you replied.

Harry furrowed his brows. "What? Why not?"

You ran a hand down your face and bit your lip. Then you picked at a thread in your shorts.

"Because I'm tired. I can't do this anymore, Harry."

The tears threatened to well in your eyes again, but you forced them at bay.

"What? Can't do what?"

"This," you threw your hands up. "This relationship. Being Harry Styles's girlfriend."

Harry was silent but you felt the bed shift as he sat down beside you. Then he took your hand and threaded his fingers through yours.

"Baby..." he breathed. "Talk to me. Tell me what happened."

Your chest ached with the sobs that were threatening to emerge.

"It's not one thing that happened, Harry," you explained. "It's everything. I feel them looking at me. Everywhere I go, they're either glaring at me or talking about me behind my back."

Harry squeezed your hand, remaining silent, knowing you still had more to say.

"They say horrible things. Not just about our relationship, but about me personally. My body, how I'm not good enough for you. And they're right."

"[Y/N]," Harry finally spoke, "Baby, I-"

You freed your hand from his grasp and rose from the bed.

"I know it comes with the territory," you interrupted. "I know you've told me this time and time again. And I get that. But I can't shake the way it makes me feel. It hurts, Harry."

You crossed the room to stand in front of the dresser, your back to him.

"I think it's best if we end this now," you confessed.

You didn't turn around, but you heard Harry curse under his breath. You hated to hurt him. You loved him, and loved being with him more than anything. But you couldn't live like this any longer.

"Do you remember the night you moved in?"

Your breath caught at Harry's question. You nodded slowly.

"A lot of things were getting to you then. But we talked it through. And I swore I loved you and I would always be here for you. That it wasn't about them. This is you and me. Do you remember that?"

"Yes," you whispered, turning to face him.

"You said you trusted me. You said you weren't going to leave, no matter how hard things got."

You sighed, your shoulders dropping.

"I know I did," you choked. "But I was fooling myself, Harry. It's just..."

As your words trailed off, Harry stood up and stepped closer to you.

"It's just what?" he asked, reaching for your hand.

"It's just too hard." You felt a tear trickle down your cheek as you took a shaky breath.

Harry lifted his other hand to your cheek to wipe it away. As your eyes met his, you realized that he was crying too.

"Please don't go," he begged. "I need you."

"Harry..." you shook your head. "How could you possibly need me? You have the world in the palm of your hand."

"I need you to remind me what's real, what's important. I need you to be here when I get home so I can see your beautiful face and kiss your lips and hold you tight. I need you, [Y/N]! I love you. Please. Stay."

The tears were falling like mad now as Harry wrapped his arms around you and you fell into his chest.

"I love you so much, Harry," you cried. "But I don't know if it's enough anymore."

"Why not?"

"I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack every time I go out," you swallowed. "Everyone knows who I am and they hate me and..."

"Hey...shhh..." Harry rubbed your back, soothing you until your body stilled.

"Listen to me," he demanded, lifting your chin with his hand. "We'll get through this, okay? It might take a little more time."

"I can't stay inside forever," you argued.

"I know. But we'll think of something. I'll get you a bodyguard if I have to, just to put you at ease. It'll be okay, [Y/N]. I promise."

You stared into his green eyes that pleaded you to agree and understand. Every time you looked at them, they seemed to melt away all your anguish.

"We don't have to go tonight," Harry added, surprising you.

"Really?" your eyes widened.

"Yeah," he nodded, running his hands up your arms. "It's just a stupid party. We can stay here if you want."

You felt all the heaviness lift from your shoulders in that moment. All of the worry washed away with his words.

"That sounds wonderful," you said just before his lips met yours.

"I love you," Harry murmured against your mouth.

"I love you, too," you replied.

"And I promise I'm here for you. I promised it months ago, and I still do. I believe in us. I believe we can make it. Do you still trust me?"

"Yes," you nodded, never more sure in your life. "I trust you."

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

[mousepatta]

Sharks and Minnows

What could be worse than waking up in a dangerous, magical world with no idea of how to get back home? Waking up in said world to find out that your perfectly average height apparently translates to about four inches tall in this world.

Yuu is nothing if not industrious. However, their decision to live in Octavinelle dormitory's walls may have backfired.

· · ���────── ·.· ─────── · ·

Chapter 1: Unfortunate Circumstances

->

· ─────── ·· ─────── ·

Azul had a problem.

It had started off small. So small that he almost hadn't noticed.

Little things would go missing here and there. Nothing valuable, just a stray button or ink cartridge. Maybe a small amount of food would go unaccounted for from the kitchen. At most, it had been annoying. Azul had assumed it was simply Floyd misplacing things. But then things had taken a turn.

Suddenly, students were coming into his consultations a tad more… informed than they should have been. They would nit-pick clauses he had discussed only in private. Of course, he could “roll with the punches” as one might say, but it sure made his job harder. He had to stay on his toes when making deals with what should have been naive little first years. It was as if someone was feeding them knowledge they should not have been privy to.

Azul had already embarrassed himself by prowling around his own office, searching for some sort of hidden recording device. For how else could these people have such exact knowledge of the lounge's inner workings. Exhausted from ranting to Jade, Azul steeled himself to attempt to get help from Idia. Though they weren't exactly the best of friends, Azul would garner that he was likely one of the few people on campus who interacted with the reclusive housewarden, so gaining his favor shouldn't be too difficult.

“So, like, what d’ya want me to do about it?”, Idia stared blankly.

Azul had confided in him during a meeting at the board game club.

“It is a matter of technology, is it not? I've been unable to find any sort of recording device, but you may be able to find one with your more advanced methods, no?”

“Yikes, getting dragged out of my room again in one day sounds like a major L.”, Idia muttered to himself.

“I would not seek your assistance if this was not a serious matter. I'm sure I can offer something in exchange.”

Azul reached into his bag, pulling out a boxed figurine.

“Omg! That's totally a collector's edition doki club figurine from the fast food tie-in! How did you get your hands on that?”

“Worry less about how I acquired it and more about how you can. Just one little favor and it's all yours.”

“Geez, this guy can't say anything without sounding sus. But I guess I'm in!”

“It'll be a pleasure doing business with you.”

After these stressful few weeks, Azul's spirit finally began to lift.

…

Yuu rushed forward. They didn't have much time. Waking up in an unfamiliar, magical, world without any clear way to get home was stressful enough. Adding onto that, the fact that their perfectly normal height apparently translated to about four inches in this world, Yuu had been having an unpleasant experience.

In the aftermath of a stressful orientation, the headmaster had allowed Yuu to stay in Ramshackle dormitory along with their “familiar”. Though, most students would not know Yuu was even there, which they were perfectly fine with. What was not fine was the state of the dorm they had been given asylum within. It was decrepit. If they had been the appropriate size, they were sure they could pretty it up a bit, or at least clean it enough that the dust didn't irritate their eyes and nose too much. Alas, with that not being the case, Yuu had no choice but to search for alternative solutions.

The other dorms were all well-maintained. Yuu was sure that no one would even notice if they were to slip in and stay in secret. That just left them the decision of which dorm to choose. They couldn't find much information about Diasomnia, just that many strong mages were there. Maybe they would be able to sense an unwelcome presence? In the same vein, Savanaclaw housed most beastmen who might be able to sniff them out. Ignihyde was supposedly full of hermits who would stay in the dorm too often. Heartslabyul and Pomefiore had rigorous rules and standards that would make any evidence of Yuu's existence harder to ignore.

That left them with Scarabia or Octavinelle. The scale was tilted the moment the prefect discovered that Octavinelle housed a restaurant, the Mostro Lounge. Getting food would be a breeze. After thoroughly convincing Grim to give them a ride over, using the promise of free food stolen from the Mostro Lounge, Yuu got to work. They made the risky, but rewarding, move of carving out their home base in the walls of the VIP room of the lounge. It kept them far enough away from the rush of customers, but close enough to food and other supplies.

Which led them to where they were now. Yuu rushed through the walls toward a dorm room. They had taken too much food from the lounge itself lately and the Octavinelle housewarden, Azul Ashengrotto, had taken notice. An added bonus of their chosen place within the walls was that they could hear any grievances and quickly course correct. For now, they would switch to finding food within the dorm rooms for a while. Just until any suspicion died down.

If Grim hadn't gotten greedy, there wouldn't be any suspicion in the first place, Yuu thought bitterly.

Their steps were hurried, keeping in mind that students would be filing into the dorm soon. If Yuu didn't have the added responsibility of attending classes in secret despite their size, the time to forage would be plentiful. They internally cursed Dire Crowley for his borderline hazardous requirements.

Their mood lifted as they reached their favorite dorm room. A smile traced their features as they popped their head out of the secret entrance they had made through the wall. Just as expected, three different bags of chips were left open. The prefect wasn't sure what sort of person would leave so many snacks open without finishing any, but they wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

The dorm room was split down the middle, with one side staying tidy and the other side being a mess. Yuu would mostly ignore the cleaner side of the room as it never bore any fruits. At most, they could pick off some of a mushroom from one of the terrariums placed on the shelves, but they didn't know enough about fungi to know which were safe to eat. Accidently poisoning themself would be a pretty embarrassing way to go. They would stick to their pre-packaged goods, thank you very much.

Just as they had finished packing up a variety of chips and a bit of candy they had found on the way, they heard two sets of footsteps approaching the door. Yuu slipped down and under the bed of the messier side of the room, heading toward the safety of the wall. Before they could get there, the door opened and someone flopped onto the bed above them. Yuu jolted. The stress on the springs almost made them think the bed would collapse. The second set of footsteps calmly pulled out a desk chair.

A bag crinkled.

“Wha- Jade, ya haven't been eating my stuff have ya?”, a voice lilted.

“Wouldn't dream of it.”, a deeper voice replied.

“Well something has been. Should tell Azul to quit holin’ up in his office while we get mice out here.”

“I sincerely doubt a mouse stole two chips from you and left without a trace.”

“Well, what else could it be? Don't think anyone here would sneak in and steal from me. That's just askin’ for a squeezin’.”

“What indeed?”

Yuu had heard enough. They quickly and quietly slipped back into the walls, drowning out the rest of the conversation. Something about the tone that “Jade” had used unnerved them.

They had little time to dwell on that matter as Yuu made their way through the walls and back to their home base. As much as they appreciated the dorm they were in, the housewarden was a bit… much. He often tricked students into signing contracts, luring them in with false promises before ultimately striking. Yuu rolled their eyes at the thought. It wasn't as if he couldn't fulfill the promises he would make, he simply refused to. Taking advantage of students in exchange for “favors” that took little to no effort on his part. Yuu could understand not wanting to be constantly helping others, but if he really did have the power to help his desperate peers, why not just do it?

With these thoughts in mind, Yuu had taken to giving out their own scraps of advice. Their position gave them insider knowledge on certain terms and after hearing so many consultations, they had acquired quite the knack for finding cracks in different clauses. Knowledge in tow, Yuu would anonymously message students before and occasionally during their meetings with Azul. Though some simply dismissed their warnings, those who would heed them were ultimately able to gain more bargaining power at the very least. It may not have been foolproof, but it was the least they felt they could do.

Yuu peered out through a small hole in the bookcase. Azul seemed to be in high spirits. Likely because of some scam going well, Yuu thought bitterly. He was humming to himself, happily scrawling away on whatever paperwork needed attention. Yuu eagerly flopped into their jewelry-box-turned-bed, ready to enjoy some well-earned rest.

· · ─────── ·.· ─────── · ·

[lenalenouilleisblogging]

2024 feminist movie retrospective ~ day 10

It's RAPID FIRE REVIEWS TIME !! ROUND 3

I don't have enough to say about these next films to write full reviews, but i still want to mention them, these are some of the ones i watched in theaters in May/June of 2024.

Sooooo fucking fun. Also the romance is actually, like, good?? Romantic subplots are always a chore in action movies but this was so sweet and cute?? It's barely a subplot actually, it's pretty important to the narrative. Which is probably why it works. I've loved every David Leitch feature that I've seen (so, everything but the Fast & Furious spinoff) and this one is no exception. Great dynamic camera work, fun editing, just a really entertaining good time. Will put you in a good mood. You can tell all the cast is having a lot of fun. Also this movie pays homage to stunt work and stunt workers and that's needed! These people rock. Loved that this had BTS footage in the end credits, I missed that. My little brother has a crush on Winston Duke AND Ryan Gosling AND Aaron Taylor Johnson so needless to say he had the time of his LIFE at the cinema 😹😹

trailer

The most successful film of the year in french theaters. I can see why, this is exactly the kind of simple thing the french public just eats up. The movie fulfills its mission pretty much perfectly. It's about being heartwarming, funny, and to give visibility to people with certain disabilities. Apparently non-profit organizations for disabled adults (like the one we see in the film) saw a massive increase in support, donations and volunteers after the release of this film. That's great, I hope it keeps going! There was a bit of a scandal at Cannes film festival because not a single brand wanted to sponsor the cast on the red carpet, but the director got pissed off. Not only did they end up getting their haute couture sponsor, they ended up being the biggest sensation on the red carpet! Look at them! 🩵🥹

Watching this in theaters was sooo fun. Fullest showing i've seen all year. I've also never seen so many people in wheelchairs at my theater at the same time?? The crowd was laughing at every joke, such a fun community moment. I cannot believe some people are calling the movie insensitive because there are mean jokes towards the characters. THIS IS A FRENCH COMEDY. Of course it's gonna be mean as fuck. AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CAST IS DISABLED. Saying that mockery is fine except for some groups because they "can't take it" is fucking insane especially when no one from said group agrees with you. Performative "activists" are so annoying.

trailer

Japanese humor usually works well on me so I expected a good laugh. What I didn't expect were the feels? Right in the kokoro omg. Loved the editing, loved the rhythm. Very dynamic and full of fun, entertaining ideas. On top of that there's a layer of commentary about (japanese) work culture that's very interesting and works SUPER well with the concept. The characters are very archetypal but they're also very interesting and watchable. The two female characters in particular stayed with me. The third act was so touching and original. Completely unexpected but so sweet and profound. A great time. I LOVE TIME LOOP STORIESSSS

trailer

A bit like Das Lehrerzimmer, this feels like a 2 hour long panic attack. So claustrophobic, so effective. The whole cast is acting its ass off. The dialogues and the interactions feel so real. That ending too! One of the best endings of the year lol. Such a competent, tightly-nit project! What a ride. I ate my fingers to the bone watching this x)

trailer

I low-key expected to hate this 😭 I only knew that this is supposed to be like, THE "polyamorous" movie. But it's not that at all, it's much more interesting??? Everyone who watches this film has an opinion on which ship is endgame, I'm in the gay team 💪 I love the female character but I don't like the vibe between her and either of the guys. The two guys tho??? Immaculate chemistry I NEED them to fuck on-screen. That being said, the story wasn't fascinating to me. The writing is great, but it's just not my style at all. If that story had been in any other film I would have forgotten everything about it a week after seeing it. BUT it's not the case.

This was one of my FAVOURITES film of the year in terms of film-making. Like, top 5 maybe. This is EXTRAORDINARY. The soundtrack is fucking balls to the walls insane and it's unlike anything I've heard before in a movie. It's great to listen to by itself but in the film it's just... It's perfect. I never would have thought i'd ever see homoerotic tennis matches set to trance music in theaters but there's a first for everything lol. The editing, the shot composition, the pacing ARG I WANNA EAT THIS MOVIE IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN SO PERFECTLY. Watching this in theaters with my mom (a huge tennis fan) was one of my best experiences last year. I KNOW that 10 years from now i will still remember that final match point scene. Hoooooolyyyyy shit go watch this.

trailer

You can definitely tell it's a novel adaptation. I don't say that as a compliment unfortunately. Way too much explanation and talking from beginning to end. It feels like the exposition never stops. That being said, the movie has some great design ideas, some beautiful shots and beautiful photography. Also it's cool that one of the main characters is an older woman. I also REALLY admire the film for its commitment to its own narrative. It's very trendy right now to make horror/somber movies as cryptic and nonsensical as possible just for the sake of it. This film has a very detailed lore and wants you to understand it. Not the film of the year, but will appeal to those of you who like interesting fantasy concepts and spooky vibes. A pretty fun watch.

trailer

I was told this was THE lesbian film of the year. Is it? Well, maybe… 😳 Be warned tho ! This is first and foremost a violent revenge film. Drugs are also a big theme, which made this a bit of a hard watch for me. (I have my personal issues with this subject and I generally avoid it. I didn't know it was in the film. But oh well.)

In yesterday's review, i said that i LOVE when SSA characters are in stories that aren't specific to "gay cinema". And this film is exactly what i like! This story COULD have been about a straight couple, but it isn't. Very cool 😎

It's horny, it's violent, it's weird, it's original, it's super satisfying. I loved the use of color in this. The actresses are GREAT. And also, I happen to have a thing for super buff women. So.... Mamma mia.... 😳🏳️‍🌈 It's a destructive and toxic love story told in a super interesting way, all wrapped up in a great 80s aesthetic. Not for the faint of heart.

trailer

My mom really wanted to go see this because she had heard good reviews and she loves the main actress. This is THE WORST thing I've seen this year, bar none 😭😭😭 My brother and I just couldn't take the film seriously and we kept laughing. That put my mom in a SUPER bad mood and she pouted the rest of the evening...

More thoughts here.

Holy shit Disney. Fucking yikes. This is genuinely embarrassing. The quality drop of the animation is fucking insane. This looks so much worse than the previous one, the textures are worse, the movements feel more clunky and the facial expressions aren't as dynamic. Why were some members of the cast replaced by less famous actors? Did the Walt Disney fucking company run out of budget to pay the original ones? Literally one of the only things i was excited about was hearing Bill Hader and you took that away from me!! Where the fuck is Michael Giacchino?? His soundtrack for the first film is beautiful and super iconic!!

Narratively it's a clone of the first film, but with less stakes. It feels like an AI generated sequel. It doesn't even make sense in the universe of this story, because those concepts SHOULD have been introduced in the first one!! Ayo Edebiri's character serves NO purpose in the film. If you remove her from the script NOTHING CHANGES. She just exists to look cute on the poster and so they can say they got Ayo Edebiri in the film. I love her as much as the next lesbian, but this is fucking awful. The only thing i liked was Adèle Exarchopoulos's character. She was cute. It's funny that one of the emotions is french for no reason. She made me laugh. But apart from that it was all just fucking cancer. Sure it has fun and heartwarming moments, but it's so cynical and disgusting.

And OF COURSE, this broke the record for most successful animated film ever. I hate hollywood. Thank glob the record was broken again 7 months later. This is the quality of a straight to DVD sequel. Like in the good old days 🤪🤪 Except it came out in theaters. AND IT MADE 1.6 BILLION DOLLARS. I'm gonna kms. If you wanna watch a good film, watch the first one. It's not perfect but almost. It was fresh and original, it was genuine and emotional. THIS one is just... What if capitalism was a movie?

That's it for May/June! I also saw The Dead don't Hurt, Le Deuxième Acte and the Bikeriders but I got nothing to say about those

[synergysilhouette]

"Batman: Caped Crusader" review

Binge-watched this show, and I wanted to be one of many people to share my thoughts on this--plus I was spurred on by getting a wish of mine granted from the show. Make sure to check out the show if you can!

The animation is beautiful--I know this is a weird comparison, but soemthing about the animation reminds me of 2010s Scooby Doo animated films, and I kind of adore that.

The voice acting was...fine--I can't tell if it was poor performances or poor direction; Hamish's Bruce Wayne sounds too raspy/rugged some of the time, like he's still playing Batman, and many of the other actors felt like they were just reading lines rather than performing lines, not enough emotion. IDK if they're more used to live-action work, but voice-acting is a different ballgame, since your voice is all you have to convey the character. A lot of performances fell flat for me, but it wasn't 100% unbearable, just underwhelming. I have some people I'd recommend instead (both familiar to the role and otherwise), but I don't wanna start anything.

LOVED Harley (but not her costume)--Jamie Chung had one of the better performances in the group, and I really LOVED the angle they did for Harley; I feel like the media often flanderizes her as the goofy crazy chick, so seeing her actually utilize her psychology skills (like I've been asking for!) is so satisfying. That said, the outfit has GOT TO GO. Gold and black is gorgeous, but it ples in comparison to her black and red look. And a weird nit-pick; when I first saw the stills, I was under the impression she was wearing a carnival-esque mask rather than face paint, and I find that idea a lot creepier. I wish we'd gotten more of Harley's antics--and even seeing her get close to Bruce in the way she did with Barbara and Renee--before revealing her as a big bad to the public. And I appreciate that she isn't 100% evil; she is doing what she believes is a noble cause, just doing it in an illegal and unethical way. I needed a backstory!

Not enough Batman--Maybe it's just me, but it definitely felt like there were some episodes where Bruce and Batman were supporting characters and more focus was on the GCPD. While I don't mind it too much, I enjoy superhero shows for the superheroes, not the heroes; this is why I had a love/hate relationship with "Gotham."

Batman (and Bruce) isn't quite likeable enough--In earlier incarnations, Batman was more kind and caring before becoming more emotionally closed off with time, but here he's that way from the get-go. Not to mention that Bruce Wayne puts on a facade around everyone, even people he trusts (he probably did that anyway; I can't remember), and his session with Harleen really frustrated me because I don't expect his walls to come down immediately, I don't expect them to be this high this early. I wanted him to be a bit warmer and transparent, rather than curt and cold like he's usually seen in the show. I feel like this is an issue often seen in comics, too; people prioritize Batman's "coolness" and thus push his feelings to the wayside.

Using underrated and familiar villains--I'm sure the real experts are gonna chew me out for this one, but as someone who got into comics in the 2010s and didn't catch up on the acclaimed 90s series, it was fun to see villains I loved and villains I didn't know; one of the best things a popular property can do is use underrated characters, since it helps the show feel original and fresh (thus why "Teen Titans" is so enjoyable; the whole franchise is underrated).

Too modern for the 1940s--I can't put my fingers on it exactly, but the vibes feel too modern; I assume the 1940s was for aesthetics, but since everything else feels updated (from the way people talk to Harley and Renee seemingly being open about their feelings for each other), I don't think it was a wise choice to have it both ways. I see no reason not to have it in modern-day, but I suppose you'd have to get more creative with technology.

Barbara and the Robins--First off, I should've gambled with someone that Jason would be a redhead; I'd have made SO MUCH money. Secondly, I'm not crazy about how all four kids are orphans; If I recall correctly, both Carrie and Stephanie's parents were alive when they joined the Batfamily. In any case, I'm confused on why Barbara is significantly older than them when they're all supposed to be within the same age bracket (I think; someone has told me otherwise since posting this, so I could be wrong). Not to mention, a part of me worries that because of the quartet's young ages and Barbara getting so much screentime as a lawyer, we won't get any of them as Robins or Batgirls unless something drastic happens, and/or we get a time jump.

Overall, I think my biggest gripes are the voice acting and how Batman/Bruce Wayne is written. That said, I enjoyed the show overall. IDK why HBO Max dropped it. Hopefully season 2 will introduce Poison Ivy, Catman, Tim Drake, Ghostmaker, and Gardener, since the finale already showed us a certain someone who IS coming to Gotham.

[eightmakesonebraincell]

hey so i saw @/honeyhotteok's fic got plagiarized by user @/yeosanitycheck and i was looking through their other fics bc i was reading and noticed some similarities with the smaus too ??? your 'when ateez discover you write smut' smau and @/sativateez 'when ateez are on tour' smau. their might be other fics that are lowk plagiarized but i thought i'd let u know bc ur one of my fav blogs on here and i know ur smaus by heart

hi, thanks for letting me know about this <3

i've had a look at the mentioned works and the related posts, and @yeosanitycheck's smau does seem strikingly similar to mine (and their other smau to sativateez's). it's not the same word for word and as chai put it so nicely, "it's hard to know when fics are coincidences, inspired by a work, or leaning hard enough to be plagiarism"

but three works flagged for notable similarities is three too many to not be plagiarism and that is exactly what makes this type of plagiarism so so sneaky. it's subtle enough that it slips through most people and it makes the original writer question whether they are just being nit-picky, but it's similar enough that it can't be pure coincidence

below are the main similarities i noticed right off the bat between mine (left) and theirs (right), and i don't know but it looks pretty clear that there's something going on

hongjoong's: entire structure of the convo reads pretty much exactly the same, starting with hj texting a random nickname, mc responding confused, hj quoting more from the exposed acc, mc asking how they found it, hj responding that he's all mc's, then mc responding with intent to murder and hj being unfazed

seonghwa's: overall idea is similar. sh texts asking about a social media platform and then making an account while mc tells him no

yeosang's: overall idea is obviously similar. mc asks ys about an account (both with the word doberman in them) that has been spamming their notifs while ys plays dumb

jongho's: entire structure of the convo is similar again and uses the same ideas. starts off with jh questioning mc's sanity (i.e. meds/therapy), mc responding with a flirty comment, jh questioning her about 'domjongho', mc saying they're going to off themselves and jh being unfazed

now less obvious similarities that i can give the benefit of doubt to

yunho's: the structure and idea of the first half is yh asking about a random trope/character, mc responding confused, yh responding with tumblr/tiktok and then giving theoretical scenarios

san's: general idea is similar. starts with cs complimenting content, mc telling him there's something wrong with his brain, san responding back with common booktok comments

wooyoung: the way wy tries to lead the convo to get some sexy time with mc is similar

three works have been flagged from @yeosanitycheck and as one of them is mine, i would like to see some form of accountability from the mentioned user regarding this concern. i do not normally post about these issues in such seriousness on my blog, but it appears as though no matter how many times writers warn others, things like this will still occur. please, it takes time and effort to come up with original ideas and for them to be taken in a way that was deliberately altered to cover up the similarities is a stab in the back.

[ghostly-bat]

If I can be honest with myself? I have a neutral view on Flatline/Nika as a character. Death has always been a human topic everybody thinks about and I think her embodying this concept is pretty neat. BUT. I have complained many times (and sometimes I feel rather poorly I fear 😭) how I think Nika's narrative was poorly done/or felt distasteful. I've seen people misunderstand what I say/calling it nit-picking/or that I can't read and it makes me feel bad. And it makes me feel worse knowing that I'm not good at words. You seem like an understanding person! Sooo, I thought... why not talk about her a little more? Sure I might be repeating past opinions but so what? Maybe it'll help get some things off my chest? You're also welcome to disagree tho! Anything you say I will take wholeheartedly.

Here's my LIKES and DISLIKES about Nika:

1) Like I said, Death is a fascinating concept we think about regardless whether it's good or bad. Nika embodies this really well. She pushes the boundaries of good vs evil or loyalty vs ambition with her connections to life and death. The idea that death has always been a part of Nika—whether through her past or her powers—is an interesting angle. There's a lot of potential here. And if given the opportunity, maybe Joshua Williamson or some other writer, could let this fascet of her character shine. 2) Her personality. Her theatrical tendencies make a smile form on my face. And I'm guilty as charged to admit that she had her small bits that made me wonder what will she do next. It's that air of mystery that leaves you wanting to know more; dangerous but alluring. 3) Nika has SUCH an eerie and really cool ability! The fact that she doesn't just need to kill people to gain skills is what makes her even more deadly! She just needs to be at a moment of death and her instincts are amplified. Done! And... Like... have you SEEN the way Nika took down all those Man-Bat cultists in B&R??? SHE MOVED LIKE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! 🤩 4) OF COURSE, you can't go wrong with Nika's classic design! I feel it fits with her symbolism on death—practical but stylish enough to stand out. Not to say her other designs were any less good. They're pretty too! Liked that she kept her jacket and gloves of all elements to her style. 5) I really like little moments where Nika shows depth or rather her vulnerability/where we get to see her soft side or sadness/seriousness that contrasts with her sassy/carefree persona. It's refreshing!

Those are what I like about Nika! Now... here's my reasons that take away my liking towards Nika:

1) Nika's humor isn't great, ngl. I kinda eye-roll whenever she cracks death-related jokes/especially the k-pop comment... nothing against k-pop! It's fine! I think that was unnecessary in the situation Nika was in. 💀 2) I feel Nika doesn't really show vulnerability—both emotionally and physically—which make me feel less engaged with her character. Nika can take on almost all obstacles with ease and she doesn't react much beyond sass/humor/confidence. Moments when she is emotionally vulnerable are rare and while that does spark my interest... it's still brief/only in one or two pages... if that makes any sense? 3) Nika's own content is very underdeveloped and keeps being shoved into Damian's to the point it feels unnecessary/overshadows her character. I'm picking on B&R (2023) because I feel like the Mila and Nika bit wasn't needed when they had no connection with the original (and boring) plot (Man-Bat/Mistress Harsh). 4) Overall just not a fan of Nika being introduced as a love interest FIRST before introducing her own character/meaning we don't really see much of how she acts prior to her meeting Damian—until the romance is established... if that makes sense?

This just doesn't help that while I understand why fans enjoy Daminika... I can't say the same. Damian and Nika entered into a relationship in a matter of eleven issues/which feels pretty fast and does a disservice to both characters: Damian's typical traits feel less like himself (he's easily accepting/less judging and awkward compared to past love interests) while Nika's character wasn't entirely developed beforehand. Other people may see development differently... and I'm sorry that I don't share their vision.

As I look back for more details on previous stuff, I'm in a gradual process of warming up to Nika. She has potential—I don't doubt it. I see the effect she has on fans and... I'm slowly giving her a chance too even as a Damian Wayne fan myself. I wanna see what she can do on her own first before I can continue letting past writings of Nika's appearances affect my view. Who knows? Maybe I'll be humbled. There's been a rumor that Joshua Williamson has plans for Nika this year... so I'll see if things will change.

After all, with death comes new life! 💀🌿

No this is all so well said!

Your points are very clear and if I'm being honest I agree with you completely! The characteristics you seem to not like her are the exact reasons why I want her to have a solo run. I wanna see her out of being Damian's love interest cus she really does have so much potential. If she where to have her own issue maybe we'd be able to understand why some of her humors a bit odd or why she's relatively calm whenever fighting an opponent. Maybe she's just so desensitized to it that it doesn't seem like a big issue anymore to her but we may never know because we don't have a lot to work with in general when it comes to her.

I find her so interesting simply because of her concept and her design and the potential she could have. Is she one of my favorite characters not necessarily but I do really like her. She sparks interest for me and I feel like if she was introduced as her own character before being introduced through Damian she could have been really popular on her own and maybe even the pairing between her and Damian would make a little more sense for some fans

[imagine-silk]

My birthday is tomorrow (not asking for it to be on time, it simply inspired my request /gen ) but what would the companions like to do with sole for their birthday? How would they celebrate it with them?

》No. I'm going to get this on time if it kills me. This was written with the idea they are the closest person to you but not necessarily romanced so it can go either way.

Cait says she wants to do what you want to do. She's never celebrated her birthday so you should take the wheel. It's not rocket science. But that gave you the idea to make it her birthday too. You spend the day setting up the party, balloons, cake, a banner, and at the end you enjoy it alone together. It's all just for the two of you.

Codsworth knows exactly what you like and how to do it. He does it all by himself other than asking the others to talk to you. He doesn't tell them what he's doing, he doesn't want to celebrate with them. When you go home for the day, or rather the night, everything is set up. "Happy birthday, sir/mum." It's just like 200 years ago.

Curie knows what to do in theory. You walk up to her and she grabs your hand and runs with you in tow. Puts you in front of people to have them say happy birthday to you and that they should give you a present at the end of the day. When she's done she gives you a present. It's a little figurine of the comic you like.

Pre-BB Danse would tell you happy birthday and move on. He does care but you don't have the time or luxury to stop so best not to bring much attention to it. Post-BB Danse feels selfish. He goes to the party but he didn't make it in his mind he just put things up and can't help thinking he wants to just have a few moments alone with you. With enough liquid courage he does go over to you and say he loves you and your the best thing that's happened to him.

Deacon snatches you from the party with no one noticing by literally plucking you away onto the roof. After laughing at you he puts his hand up to his mouth and shushes you. "I've kidnapped you so you need to be quiet." You talk while drinking beer and looking out on the Commonwealth about everything and nothing. When people realize you're gone he lays on you to hide and lowers you down when the coast it clear, can't have you expose his hiding places.

Dogmeat doesn't get out of your sight ever, he's always next to you. How he knows it's your birthday is beyond knowing.

Goodneighbor is celebrating. It's very tight-nit town, it's not uncommon to throw a town party for a birthday. It's actually weird if they don't and that's because that person has to go around saying they want to have a small party for that to happen. Hancock is going to parade you on his shoulders and run around celebrating. He doesn't really do many chems wanting to be here and remember. And it is a night to remember.

MacCready fully admits to being selfish and stays home with you. He wants to keep your actual birthday to himself, the others can have you tomorrow. It's not particularly eventful, it's a normal day with more affection. Come up behind you and lift up to revel in your scream. Lays on you on the couch while one of you rants. At the end of the day he gives you a new jacket and tells you to be grateful. There's a note inside about much he cares about you.

You asked to spend the day alone with Nick he just said yes. He himself didn't think that was best but it wasn't his birthday and you deserved whatever you wanted. A lot of the day is playing cards and telling epic tales. Ellie thanks you for getting him to take a break. He laughs when you ask for his coat and says you can rent it for a day.

Piper and Nat tackle you as soon as your through the door. You are not going to leave. They do a bunch of 'birthday things' like hit the donkey and pop the balloons. To their credit they also give you a fuck ton of sugar and food. All the things they give you are old trinkets but it's a ploy for you to tell them what it is.

Preston gets everyone to throw a surprise party. It is a surprise, so surprising it almost shot them. The exact quote after you put it down was, "I didn't want to die the same day I was born." It doesn't feel like you're the center of attention but it feels nice to have everyone happy. Preston seemed to know that was going to happen because he took you inside to your room and had a little party there with just the two of you, giving you a few practical items, stims, a gun, a blanket, a backpack, and a sweet smile.

X6 promises to get you whatever you want. It doesn't matter what you want, a ragstag head, a new gun, some trash you seem so keen on getting for your projects, a hug. You give him a list of things you want as a ploy to run around the Commonwealth with him for a few days.

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

I am so late to the game for this one and don't expect you to bang this out if there's already too many! Even though they're not a ship (YET???), what do you think a kid between Rach and Butch would come out like? My bet is the wildest little raccoon child to ever exist.

@splinter-sister

If they had a kid… // @splinter-sister

• Name: Robert “Bo” Donahue-Miller

• Gender: male

• General appearance: Has naturally tired and down turned blue eyes and long lashes, brown fluffy hair that never seems to be able to sit right even when combed, and sharp teeth that will only grow back sharper when he loses them. Bo prefers comfort over fashion so more often than not, he’s wearing an oversized shirt or one of his moms comfy jackets. He wears rain boots even when it’s sunny outside and has a croc collection ongoing with charms and all; his favorite pair is a pair of cowboy boot crocs, though he only wears them on special occasions! He inherited the demon tail but oddly enough—no horns!

• Personality: Bo is very outspoken, sometimes without even meaning to be; this tends to hurt feelings which makes keeping friends for him a bit tricky when they’re under the impression that he’s just being a meanie. Hes introverted enough as it is! He’s also very rebellious, borderlining Thing 1 and Thing 2. Tell this boy to do something and he will do the opposite just to spite you or to make himself laugh. Bo is the drifter sort, lax enough to get along with just about anyone while also having a hard time ‘finding his place’. If he’s comfortable around someone, they’ll find that he’s actually pretty goofy.

• Special talents: definitely has Rachael’s Splinter’s gene. Maintains some of Butch’s demon-like abilities as well but only when he’s emotionally charged (which can be scary for Butch and Rach at times). He’s also quite artistically inclined!

• Who they like better: while they’re both pretty relaxed in the way they’ve brought him up, I feel like Bo may take advantage of his fathers more chaotic tendencies to get out of trouble/stay up late/get extra snacks after dinner or what have you. They would both definitely fuss at him if he got in trouble but I have a feeling Butch might not take it all that seriously considering his own track record, and for that Bo is thankful. ADDITIONALLY CONSIDER… both of them because imagine Rachael and Butch doing the same thing behind each others backs only to find out he’s been getting EXTRA extra because they both love him too much lsjsksjs

• Who they take after more: Rachael in the way that he’s definitely more introverted and laid back than he is energetic and sociable. He’d rather be at home, watching TV or drawing than out and about with a bunch of people. He loves a good adventure of course (who doesn’t?) but only with a tight nit few he’s comfortable around. He’s a big napper and will 100% sleep in if no one wakes him up—he’s not a morning person!

• Personal headcanon(s): Bo has a pet turantula named Spike who will sit on his shoulder and go places with him. He loves music and already knows how to play a few songs on guitar! He also has a keyboard he messes with because it makes funny sounds. Loves video games, begs Rachael and Butch to play Roblox with him all the time (Butch tries his best to appease him but absolutely has no idea what he’s doing). He’s big into retro games as well. Bo is a fan of harmless pranks and has definitely done this to Butch atleast ONCE after seeing this video.

[secretlywritingstories]

Go out with a bang as it were | phan one shot

Summary: The cursor was mocking Dan as he was trying to work on his Terrible Influence Tour script and he kept getting distracted thinking about his life with Phil and the relationship to their audience. Until Phil shows up with water, steals his laptop, makes him faint and promises to love him for 100 years.

Tags: Established relationship, 2024!phan, domestic fluff, introspection, Terrible Influence Tour prep

Warnings: Brief fainting (he is okay!)

Word count: 3k

A/N: My 100th phanfic posted. First one I posted back in September 2016 (this one) and now we're here. Can you believe it? I certainly cannot. I could never have imagined I'd get here and have recieved so much love for my phanfics. It's a gift and I treasure it. Dan also decided to personally award me (as I see it) with my first ever Twitter notice when I was editing this.

Read below or on AO3

Dan was aware that his and Phil’s life felt a bit too much like a fanfic at times. He never felt it more keenly than when he had to sit down and write something that reflected their life.

Still, he liked to lean into the absurdity, fate and grandness of it all because there was nothing more lovely than romanticising stupid, silly parts of their life. And they did also have a frighteningly number of actual fanfictions written about them. It had been overwhelming at first but now they were veterans. They understood how fandoms worked. They’d always encouraged creation in their viewers and creative writing borrowing their likeness was no different.

He was quite sure that the number of the fics written had dropped during the hiatus. It was the natural cycle after all. In general, when less new content was coming out, there was less engagement in the belonging fandom. There were exceptions obviously, but it was still the rule.

It had happened with his and Phil’s audience too. They had anticipated it but it was still strange to see. 2018 had been the era of giving the audience what they wanted, absolutely committing to doing the most ever, so that Dan could take a step back and work on something else.

Something new. Solo projects.

Stepping back had never been about his love for Phil. Their relationship had never been for the audience. It was for them and they chose to share glimpses. The community they had created had been a crazy by-product through their shared passion and goofing off on camera. Just for the heck of it. Because they liked each other so much and it was easier doing something when they could look over and find each other’s eyes.

It was what Dan had missed the most during his solo tour. He’d kept Phil updated through messages and video calls, just to see each other’s faces but it hadn’t been the same. He had missed sharing the stage. And now he was going to have it again.

Their third joint tour was happening. It had felt surreal ever since they had come up with the idea. Even now, a month out from the announcement and so many venues sold out, it didn’t quite feel real. It wouldn’t feel real until they stood in front of their audience again.

The cursor was blinking at Dan, almost mocking him for how he could get all lost in his head but he couldn’t get it down on paper. He was trying to edit a monologue piece for the Terrible Influence tour and he’d decided that opening a new document would be a good idea. Let only the best bits carry over instead of overly nit-picking his existing script.

Phil came into the lounge, glasses at the very tip of his nose and pyjamas pants slouching as he walked. He was carrying two glasses of water, only it was the tall glasses that they’d used for the mukbang video.

“Dishwasher overloaded again?” Dan asked, as he sat up a little, adjusting his laptop in his lap before reaching out for one of the glasses. They were trying to maintain healthy habits to be in good enough shape to endure so many months of tour.

Phil just hummed before he plonked himself down at the other side of the sofa. He didn’t reach for his phone or his laptop. Just held his glass with two hands and slowly sipped.

Waiting for something.

No, waiting for Dan.

“I’m fine,” Dan insisted.

“You’re rewriting again,” Phil pointed out. “The first show is in less than a month.”

“Diamonds are made under pressure,” Dan said, staring at the cursor again. Blinking judgingly at him.

When he was in the zone, the cursor was his friend, it stayed a little black line just appearing after the words. The words that spilled from his fingertips as easy as breathing. He knew this shit. It was a show about them. It should be easy to write.

“It’s meant to be fun, you know,” Phil said and cocked his head just a little to the side. His blonde hair had a slight silver tint at the moment and it was growing out just enough to flop adorably. Phil would get a haircut before tour but he’d wait until they were closer to the first date.

“It is fun,” Dan said.

And it had been. Gaming videos, even though that was a very loose definition of the kind of videos that they were putting on the joint channel at the moment, were fun and easy. Outsourcing the most of the editing had been a weight off their shoulders and made it sustainable in the long term to have active channels. But big projects were something different.

It was Dan’s greatest joy and his greatest enemy. Because he felt like it had to be perfect, even though he knew no such a thing existed. He still wanted to strive for it, maybe because he was trying to capture that fanfic-worthy essence of how his and Phil’s life had fallen together like long-lost puzzle pieces.

They were embracing the moment and trying not to think too far ahead, mostly for Dan’s sake, but this time, it could actually be the last chance for a tour to see their audience. An audience that was really their audience now. No longer people who thought they were cool because they were British, tall, shippable and “popular” YouTubers. No, the ones still around now loved them for them and they were all a bunch of little weirdos, just like him and Phil.

Phil reached over and closed Dan’s laptop screen. He barely managed to pull his fingers back before they would have been snapped off.

“You want to cut my fingers off right before tour? You want to do tour with fingerless Dan?” Dan joked and shot Phil an accusing glare that carried no heat.

“No, your fingers are too essential. We can’t have them be gone,” Phil said and there was a glint in his eye that told Dan exactly down which kind of gutter Phil’s mind had disappeared into. It had been a while since they’d last done that.

But Dan didn’t rise to the bait. He tried to open his screen again, but Phil pushed it down once more.

“I can do this all day,” Dan said, attempting to open the screen again, just for Phil to shut it.

Again.

“Watch something with me,” Phil proposed. “Or we’ll be stuck here forever like that Syphilis guy.”

“Syh- PHIL, it’s Sisyphus! Syphilis is an STI!” Dan spoke with increasing volume and completely forgot about the computer in his lap. He was too busy staring at Phil in disbelief.

“Oh, my mistake.”

He was grinning. He was being a little shit on purpose.

“You said it wrong deliberately, didn’t you?”

“No? You know, I mess up my Greek mythology. That’s your nerdy area,” he said and he was a picture of innocence but Dan knew him too well. Just a tiny twitch of his left eye and it was enough to give away the lie.

“Don’t distract me with mythology, unless you want me to write a two-hour speech that ends up becoming the whole tour,” he threatened and wagged a finger in Phil’s face.

Phil, of course, simply tried to catch the finger with his teeth. His teeth actually graced Dan’s finger before he was able to pull it back without getting mauled.

“It doesn’t have to be that serious,” Phil said. “Just vibes.”

“It’s our lives,” Dan countered.

“Our lives are mostly vibes, if you think about it.”

Dan blinked at Phil several times. Worst part was that he was kind of right about it. He’d just put it so concisely that it was kind of annoying that he could be so poignant with so few words. Dan needed space to open up a discussion, arranging many words into sentences to make sure that he conveyed the right nuance.

Phil’s brain worked quite a bit differently.

“Fifteen years of vibes?” Dan asked, eyebrow raised, even as he tried to keep the smile off his face.

“It’ll be sixteen years when we’re on tour,” Phil corrected, and then he reached out to actually bop Dan on the nose. Clearly, it was just one of those impulse thoughts because he smiled so self-satisfied when Dan almost went cross-eyed trying to track the movement of his finger.

“Shut up,” he muttered.

“Yeah? Says the guy who got me a 100-day gift, and who made a point to figure out when we’d been together for 100 months too, now that I think about it. You could write about that? Your cute little thing about wanting numbers to be special. When will the next one be, when we’ve been together 100 years?”

Dan snorted. “You think we’ll get that old? Phil, our bodies will have fallen apart by then. We’re not getting to be 120 something.”

Phil shrugged, unbothered. “You never know. They could develop some kind of technology. We could just be floating brains in jars. Or like stretched-out like that lady from Doctor Who. Do you think we could reserve pods next to each other?”

Okay, Dan was taking back that part about Phil being poignant. His man was insane. Actually insane.

Even if his heart actually skipped a beat at the idea that even in some distant science fiction future, where they’d been turned into just skin or brains, Phil still wanted to make sure that they’d be next to each other. Obviously even in that scenario, they could not be separated.

“And be stuck with you for eternity while technology keeps us in some twisted kind of immortality? No thanks,” he said deadpan but his voice was too strained to be casual.

As he said it, he felt how his heart refused to fucking calm down. It was stupid. He knew Phil loved him. He knew Phil had chosen him again and again. It was their thing. They had gone through so much shit together that they wouldn’t let anything pull them apart. It was the long haul, and evidently also beyond mortal life, if Phil were to be believed.

But the reminder of that commitment never ceased to floor Dan. He’d not had a best friend for the first eighteen years of his life and now for the last fifteen, he’d had Phil. Phil who was his very best friend like he could never have dreamed, his favourite person in the whole wide world and the one person he always wanted to be around.

That was the kind of sentiment that he needed to capture for the monologue. Perhaps not that personal but to parrot Phil’s words, he should get the vibes of it at least.

He tried to open his laptop to grab the thought and get it down before it scurried away but he didn’t manage before Phil had evolved his tactic and snatched the whole laptop out of Dan’s hands.

“We’re watching anime, you still need a break,” Phil said, narrowing his eyes in a way that was perhaps meant to come off as threatening, but he just looked slightly constipated.

“I just need to get this down,” Dan insisted, jumping up from his sofa crease and trying to swipe the laptop out of Phil’s hands.

Only, he had probably been a little too overzealous and he’d once again forgotten that his stupid blood pressure and his stupid tall body liked to combine into a fainting nightmare.

“Oh, no,” was all he managed to say before he could feel himself falling forward.

His vision turned spotty and he was just in free-fall. He just had time enough to hope that he wasn’t going to hit their coffee table before he felt arms actually reach out to catch him.

Only to promptly continue falling while Phil was now yelping very loudly in his ear. It was enough to pull him back to the presence, even if his eyes took some more time to adjust.

They were on the floor.

“What happened?” Dan managed, trying to push himself up but feeling a little like his arms were jelly.

“You fainted again, idiot.”

“Thanks. I got that,” Dan said, dripping with sarcasm. “You caught me? Tried?”

“Tried being the opportune word here,” Phil said and he tried to sit up but he quickly gave up and just lied down on the floor sprawled out again when he realised it wasn’t easy to push Dan off him.

“You okay?” Dan asked, scrunching up his face and trying to make his eyes properly focus. He wanted to rub at his eyes but he knew that would only make the fussy sensation worse.

“You’re heavy,” Phil just said as a complaint, which Dan took to mean that he was actually fine.

“This is what happens when you try to steal my laptop,” Dan chastised and finally managed to push himself off of Phil. Only the prospect of actually standing up right now was a little daunting, so he ended up just rolling over to lie next to him. Now they were just both sprawled out on their backs net to each other.

“You need someone to steal your laptop every now and again,” Phil said and flopped his hand over so it hit Dan in the chest softly.

Phil was undoubtedly very right, but Dan wasn’t going to concede that right now. He wanted to tell Phil to shut up, get all whiny and annoying but really, he was a little too fucking emotional to commit to the bit right now.

“I hope we do make it to a hundred years of being together just so I can know I’ve gotten to annoy you for a whole ass century,” Dan said and tried to ignore how Phil had let his hand just rest on Dan’s chest after he’d playfully hit him.

It was a light weight, barely there, but it was resting right over his heart.

“An ass century?” Phil giggled.

He retaliated by trying to hit at Phil’s chest, mimicking what Phil had done to him. He’d planned to pull his hand back to himself but he found that his arm didn’t quite obey. His hand lingered, palm up, right on Phil’s chest.

Neither of them made a move to get up. Floor time was good after all. At least when it was this kind of spontaneous floor time and not the face-down existential dread kind. Phil was the one who pulled away that metaphorical laptop too, when he thought Dan had been down there for too long.

They probably made quite the picture right now. He wondered how it would have been described or pictured. It made Dan chuckle.

“What?” Phil asked softly.

Phil moved his hand a little, grabbing onto Dan’s old and soft T-shirt. The same shirt he’d grabbed hours ago when he’d pulled Dan into a lazy kiss good morning, which was really noon, because none of them could keep a normal sleep schedule unless forced.

“Just imagined if phan artists or phanfic writers could see us right now. Lying on the floor like this,” Dan said honestly.

Phil let out a thoughtful hum. “What’s sexy about fainting though?” he asked and pushed himself up into a sitting position, breaking the contact between them. “It’s just like super inconvenient.”

“It’s not about the sexiness and you very well know that,” Dan countered and found the strength to push himself up to sitting now that Phil had done it. It was always easier to do something when he had Phil doing the same right next to him.

Phil shot Dan a look.

“Sure, some of it’s about the sexiness, obviously, but it’s about the little moments too. The smallest moment can make a beautiful picture. What binds a good story together is the characters and how they care for each other or their surroundings. A story is nothing without that.”

“Must be why we’re so popular then,” Phil said with a completely serious face as he heaved himself off the floor. “But for now, let’s try to remember your fainting issue, so you don’t go out with a bang, yeah? Cracking your head open on the round marble coffee table would make a terrible end to our story.”

 Dan made an affronted noise at Phil’s even tone. “You wouldn’t even be sad?”

Phil rolled his eyes at him. “I’m the one that always dies, am I not?”

There had been a great deal of fic where Phil died. Dan had written one himself as well.

“No, that’s not allowed. You just told me you’re going to live until you’re 122. I’m going to hold you to that,” Dan said accepting the hand that Phil was extending, so he could get his ass off the floor. “A hundred years together, yeah?”

“Sure,” Phil said easily, as if it was something he could really promise.

Like the world would bend to his whims just because he’d said so. Like he believed so much in them that he trusted they would be together for as long as humanly possible and then even beyond that.

If anyone could manage it, then it would be Phil. It would hardly even be the strangest thing in their life. It would just be another curveball in the life of Dan and Phil.

“Seriously, let me just write a couple of notes and I’ll put away the laptop, yeah?” Dan said. “We’ll watch something together.”

Phil smiled like he had won and perhaps he had. But Dan had Phil, so he never really felt like he could lose in any way that mattered.

[matt-lifesage]

Got around to finally finishing my reread of Tsukihime: A Piece of Blue Glass Moon just in time for the end of the year, so here's my mini-review of each route:

Moon Princess

It's kinda perfect.

Through the critical lens of analyzing a twenty-years-later, non-eroge remake of the original's first route… I adore every decision being made here. Shiki and Arcueid are better than they've ever been. Vlov is fantastic, not only as a character but for showcasing how vampires have been changed from bogeymen to natural disasters. I love how Ciel's role in the story has been taken up by Noel and Mario and how they add extra tension and stakes to the story. I love how Ciel's new proper introduction gives her so much weight and intrigue. I love the bit from the manga they threw in. I love the Clair de Lune insert that is so on the nose it shouldn't work, and yet it DOES. I love how seamlessly it incorporates the more developed scale the franchise became in the decades between releases without distracting from that core bittersweet love story.

My hat goes off to the team. Actual peak.

Midnight Rainbow

A risky reimagining of the last three hours of the original Ciel route that transforms it into a sprawling tragedy that goes on for… 30+ hours. It's a long one. I'd even say it drags. Especially in the middle.

It's a larger and more complicated route, and with all those extra moving parts there's more room for me to pick nits. Ciel's design is the only redesign that, despite my efforts, doesn't fully work (I've got an idea for another post talking about that). I don't connect with or find this version of Shiki interesting enough to be in his head for that many hours. It feels like it dials back the sexual side of the horror too much--in a way that Moon Princess thankfully didn't--sometimes feeling like a Realta Nua-style censored version of itself, which I do consider a minor detriment.

Etc, etc. You get the idea.

The last five hours are fantastic and make the ride more than worth it. Noel steals the show all the way to the end. What a character! If you told me four years ago that one of the newbies who threatened to bloat the narrative and take away precious screen time from the core iconic cast would be gunning for Kahoku's top spot, I'd call you a liar lol. Another thing that sticks with me is how the story fleshes out Roa's characterization. In the original, WHAT Roa was was always more interesting than WHO Roas was. But here they manage to even those two out quite nicely--a haunting remnant of the man who started this entire tragic cycle, not to be spitefully cut down, but instead laid to rest. It tied together everything for the new gut punch of a resolution where love humanizes and destroys the cast very well.

Extra Route

Nasu at his most indulgent, for better and worse.

I’m never going to say no to an Ultimate One battle. The all-out brawl between a fully powered Ciel and Arcueid is overdue, and the Shiki+Roa team-up is instantly iconic. I think the scenario overall is about half as narratively vapid as it is a spectacle. We have escalated to such an absurd degree that rule of cool is the only thing keeping this mess afloat. As for the epilogue, Cloudless Blue was a solid remake of the original route's ending. I’m glad it's in here and wasn’t cut, but it never shakes how incongruous it feels after the new version of the story goes so far thematically in the opposite direction. 

Overall, I’m glad this bizarre little Arcueid's optional superboss ending exists, but until Red Garden comes out, this is the ending note that Remake goes out on, and I’m not a fan of THIS being the reboot’s aftertaste.

[aw-fmp-final-marked-project]

The Planning Process:

31/03/2025 I've explained many times how I achieve UI elements on a *technical* level. So, I want to explore how I achieve the *graphical* elements of it.

Stock-Trading UI: I need to make a system that allows players to trade stocks with the system to gain cash. For this, I need to create a semi-realistic UI to accommodate this concept. What I need to do first, is list everything that the screen needs to incorporate.

Now, I need to make a screen which has all of these additions available. To do this, I will look at other stock-trading apps online to see what they look like:

Now, to nit-pick what is common about these sites. 1. They all use a navy-blue colour pallete. This is already a good sign because, as I mentioned on the title post, the colour pallete of the game follows the typical synthwave colour pallete. That being the Blue-Purple-Red (The top half of the colour wheel). This is fantastic since this already fits in with the colours. 2. They all have grid like selections. They use some kind of faint grid overlay to separate different selections in the UI. I already have this in the actual game with the background grid, but this is quite different. 3. All options are listed vertically. I would assume that this is because a dropping list is much easier to recognize in our nature, because we read things horizontally, and then vertically. Text can fit inside of a long horizontal box, but not a long vertical box. It also fits into more of a list than a selection. Since when we write out lists, (like the one I made at the start of this post), we write different entries on different lines for easy viewing and separation. 4. The screen is usually split so you can see the data and the options on different sides of the screen. This is so users don't have to go to different screens to select different things. This makes it easier for users to navigate the space, and see everything they need at once. Overwhelming the user might be the key. 5. Good is green, bad is Red. This is some very basic colour knowledge that we humans all get when introduced to the world. A very obvious example of this, is a traffic light. Red being to stop and Green being to go. This ideology is everywhere around us, and makes sense that it would be present here as well in this form. With these in mind, I can design a UI concept that will be taken into heavy consideration when making the actual UI.

This here will be the base idea for the stock trading UI layout. It has everything I mentioned on the list. This works well in my opinion since it gives the most space to the most important sections, whilst considering what they need. The stock graph needs to be a large rectangle to contain a big line graph. It needs to be big enough to read at a glance. This means it can't be too small, or else players won't notice the changes very well. Buy options needs some space for horizontal options of whether to buy or sell, and what that will actually do for the stocks. Stock Options needs a small width because it is only names and basic data. It needs a tall height however to be able to list the options vertically, as mentioned before. Player information is at the top left because it is the first thing the player will notice when reading instincts kick in. (We read from the top left of a page). It is relatively small because it will only house a few variables, but is instant data that we need to have. It all falls in a grid pattern, following how the examples I got were presented as. Now, I will show some updates of me making the UI itself using images.

This was not a quick result. I spent about 2 days making this screen by itself. Despite this, I am chuffed to bits with this entire element. I love this stock trading screen more than almost anything else I have made in this game. It is completely functional, I might explain some technical details about it later, but the actual system is extremely robust, and works exactly how I want it to. As for the design, I tried to keep the colour pallete minimal. The actual colour choices were dark blues. I once had the stocks list be white, but changed it to fit with the rest of the page. I only used other colours for important information. Pink - Outside information that is unrelated to the stock trading itself. Blue - Unimportant UI elements. Green - When the statistics are good. Red - When the statistics are bad. Yellow - General statistics relating to the stock market. This colour system is well spread out, and used to draw the players attention to what they need using contrast and significance. The stock options light up green when viewing them. This is so that the player can easily see which option they have selected. All buttons light up when hovered over. When pressed, the text sinks into the fade to emulated an actual pressing motion, without the button actually moving anywhere. If you haven't noticed, throughout the game, all text has a dark fade at the bottom. Similar to an outline, but on one side. This gives it depth, but pretending that it is a simple 3D object. I do this by just drawing another text underneath it, make it almost black, and then move it down by 1px * text size. This gives a really good 3D illusion. So, when the player presses the button and the top text gets moved down onto the bottom text, it simulates a pressing action. Text is done like this by me for a few reasons. The first, being that it adds a stylistic choice outside of colour and font, while also being minimalist. Second, it adds contrast to the rest of the image and makes the text slightly bigger for noticeability, whilst not making the actual text any bigger. Third, it just looks cooler when it feels like it belongs in the world, and not just debug text on the screen. The buy and sell buttons will disappear when not needed. This is so the player won't be given information that they can't even use until they do something. The trade button will disappear until a valid trade is offered, and the buy buttons disappear when they haven't selected to buy or sell something yet. This is also good because they will suddenly appear when relevant. This will draw attention towards them on the player when they progress through the menus. This makes them less confusing as a whole and stops information bleeding in places it doesn't need to be. The graph is the coolest part of this system for me, but I'll go over that another time.

[lightningarmour]

I finally saw Alien: Romulus

This is nothing. This movie does nothing.

I was hesitant about seeing this movie for months because my instinct was to assume it was going to be a soulless corporate product trying to cash in on people's nostalgia of good movies, but then everyone and their mums kept going on and on about how good it was and how gross and fucked up the ending especially was so I figured well it must have something going for it right?

I was not excited during a single minute of this movie. I went to see it on the largest IMAX screen in western Canada so I could experience the fullest effect of the visuals and at first I was really trying to appreciate it but it just did so little that was interesting or engaging that I simply could not give a shit.

I almost want to give the movie more credit for having good set design and whatnot but even that is just mimicking the aesthetic of the original movies, and it mimics them quite well but like yeah okay you got all the sound effects and visual filters right, but it's like, should I be celebrating the fact that they managed to make the movie look as good as something from 1979? Like yeah of course it should, is that impressive?

The movie is way too fucking concerned with references to old material and trying to tie all the disparate threads of the alien "canon" together into a neat little package because Disney of course has designs of milking this franchise to death a la marvel and Star wars. 

CGI Ian Holme looks like shit. Like it's easily the worst looking effect in the entire movie and it's not even close and yet they spend so much time showing it to you, he's like a central character throughout the entire movie and he looks awful. They are too committed to references and continuity to even make good choices. It didn't have to be Ash! Literally just get any random actor to play the station's android! You didn't need to do it!

Andy was easily, and effortlessly the best character and best performance in the entire movie. The rest of the actors are passable, and none of them are enough of a character to really care about any of them, on top of the fact that they are all just young beautiful people which is kind of incongruous with the idea that they've been living as like child laborers on a hell planet their entire lives?

I'll admit that many of my complaints about the movie are kind of nit-picks but I had zero investment in what was actually happening in the movie so all I could do is question all these little details that break down the whole experience.

The plot is so paint by numbers it was absurd. Each and every scene in the film is set up and paid off in the most mechanical fashion possible, nothing at all feels organic or natural.

The biggest let down may have been the goriness of the movie. Every positive review I've seen of the movie gasses up the ending of the film so hard as though it's the most fucked up and insane thing anyone has ever seen and it's just pretty boring, honestly. Like yeah the lanky engineer/xeno hybrid thing looks kind of freaky but again it's kind of weighed down by trying too hard to be a dual reference to Prometheus and Alien Resurrection for me to really find it that interesting of a design, and the entire sequence with it is drawn out with zero stakes. And frankly this might be the single least violent alien movie ever made? Considering the director is kind of famed for being a glory movie guy, Alien Romulus feels so sanitized, like this is a single degree in quality better than you'd get from an average marvel movie but it still feels like it's edges are sanded off and they're playing it too safe to show anything really gross or disgusting.

So in conclusion I remain vindicated for assuming this movie wouldn't be any good and you're all too easily impressed, don't @ me.

[roguegrove]

okay, i need to talk about this straight up right now. it's gonna be long, it's gonna be honest, and probably pointless, but i wanna talk about it.

this? it sucks. it sucks so bad and many of us were fooled. including me.

the thing is, it should have been obvious. but social media moves fast, fandom culture is thirsty for more always, and people have their own art styles and journeys. hell, i'm on an art journey spurred by this community, myself.

and yknow what? art is HARD. bottom line, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. it comes naturally to some, but i promise you that the only reason someone might be "better" than someone else is practice. well-meaning people often talk about "talent" in art, but i don't believe in it. ANYONE could have my skill level or better if they had devoted the same kind of time i did to learning, and i think most artists would agree.

you see inconsistencies in art a lot, especially when someone is learning something new. heads and body parts weird sizes, a particular area that doesn't get as much attention as others, sometimes even whole bits are missing. and all of that is replicated in AI generations and easily overlooked as well as easily masked.

but the thing you will not find with a fan artist who LOVES a character enough to post so many pieces of them? big character details being wrong or changing every time they post something. and i'm not talking style things. i'm not talking about deliberate choices.

my alarm bells went off for fridaypls's work pretty early on, but i ignored it. i really loved a lot of the choices they made in posing, in ideas, and even though there were a bunch of details that just felt wrong, i ignored it. i thought maybe there was a reason, that maybe i was being critical or mean by being a little off-put about some of it.

but if you love sam winchester enough to pump out a shit-ton of drawings of him, you're gonna know what side of his nose that little mole goes. if you love halsin as much as it seemed like friday loved halsin, you're gonna know where his scars and tattoos are. and you might not draw them the same way every time, you may drop one or more for a particular piece if it's not meant to be canon. but you don't put out multiple pieces where the details move so much that they're on the wrong side and swap back and forth between pieces. you just can't care enough to spend that much time on something and not notice that consistently.

if you scroll back through friday's blog (if it stays up and you still can), you can SEE that they cared about these characters. before the art is a lot of meta, a lot of commentary. it's clear there was a love there.

so explain to me how this happens:

the bottom is an official rendering of halsin, just for reference.

art is about observing and then translating, right? so what do we see? the tattoo missing details we can let slide because the thing is damn complicated and getting the general idea is enough. but the placement? get the fuck out of here. it flip flops back and forth between each image. the scars? some are missing entirely, some are, again, on the wrong damn side.

i thought this must surely be a choice, and it is. but not the choice i was thinking. this isn't about style, this isn't about playing with a character: this is about pumping out art quickly that will catch people's eye.

if you really want me to nit-pick, i can. if you want me to talk about the broader inconsistencies or the way things are hidden, i can do that too. but the op and the people who have been looking into this did a great job on that already. i could talk about it all, but i'm trying to make a much simpler point.

my point is that people who love characters will not be so flippant about their defining characteristics. we're the ones who OBSESS over them, scour the internet for every detail. we eat that shit up.

you know what doesn't give a shit? AI generation. AI isn't even generative, it's basically just editing. it's editing a bunch of information together to try and make something "new". and when you edit, what happens? pruning details. you take out what you don't think is important. but you know what else AI can't do? fucking THINK. it doesn't KNOW anything. it doesn't KNOW about halsin's she-bear scars and why that's important to him, so it doesn't CARE where they go.

god, now i'm actually pissed. i'm pissed someone who seemed to love these characters as much as we do would let that happen just for clout and money. it sickens me. like damn, bro. you could have at least taken the time to fix that stuff while you were slapping on filters. if you traced over AI, at least fix the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS bits. couldn't even be bothered, huh?

man, i just want AI to do my laundry, not try and replicate passion. why are we even here with this crap in general?

eta: do not even get me started on astarion renders. do not.

Normally I wouldn't bother making a post like this but it came to my attention yesterday via a twitter thread that tumblr user fridaypls is using AI elements in their fanart. Now, if they were doing this because they didn't feel entirely confident in their artistic ability, and they were just doing this for fanart they posted online, then I'd shrug my shoulders and go "eh, whatever"

However, I then found out that fridaypls is selling this fanart and even making posts like "buy my Gale print and get Tim Downie to sign it" and I just can't sit idly by whilst someone makes profit off AI 'art' and there are so many other artists (myself included) trying to make a living off our own art.

The tweet thread about the use of AI by fridaypls can be viewed here and here but I'll also copy and paste some of the examples under a cut line in this post.

So far on twitter, fridaypls got wind of the thread going around about them and they deactivated their account rather than take accountability. I'm probably going to be blocked by them for making this post, but I encourage you to reblog this and spread the word and please, PLEASE don't buy artwork from someone using AI generated images. There are so many other hardworking artists out there making amazing fanart and merch that you can give your money to instead.

Examples from twitter: