#THUS SHIT TOO GOOD
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Jewl$ - Navegando Por LA (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO) Produced by NayrBeats
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wife
#yeah i'm not dead woo let's celebrate#my art#kuroshitsuji#kuroshitsuji fanart#black butler#black butler fanart#grelle sutcliff#grell sutcliff#anyway i didn't draw SHIT for a good while and when i got back to it i suddenly hated using the flat marker brush???#it's part of what makes my signature distinctive so i used it for that but yeah i switched brushes#oddly enough i'm not hating the more textured look? it gets very pixelated at times but it's not awful#back to the signature- it felt weirdly nice to sign things again#i haven't in a while#if you're one of the very few people who also follow me on instagram you'll know i don't use it on there#and the only art i've been doing these days has been original work so yeah nothing on tumblr#and thus the words 'brain exhaustion god stan' have not been written by this comically large hand in a hot minute#enough rambling this is just grelle art because i love her and i know y'all love her too so i thought it would be a nice comeback piece
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To elaborate more on the Pesterquest stuff -
Alternia is a hell world. It's shitty to live in, even if you're a highblood, unless you fit a very specific mold of person AND are lucky enough to be born of a high caste. Every troll character we care about is, in some way, fucked over by their relationship to their society; Eridan and Vriska get it the worst, having been forced to participate in the murdering side of things since they were young, but every lowblood is screwed and every highblood is made worse even just by their passive participation. Kanaya becomes less sympathetic because she seems completely at peace with the society she grew up in, and Feferi wants to enforce casteism, even if it's of a different flavor. Gamzee and Equius both hold genuinely casteist beliefs and attitudes, which slip out and alienate them from the people they care about.
Putting a friendship simulator into the middle of all this is... a choice, I guess. I'm not going to begrudge anyone for wanting that or liking that, but it's going to be inherently at odds with what Alternia is and is meant to represent, and thus, fundamentally at odds with many of the characters' arcs and even basic personality traits, so heavily are they influenced by the shit society they grew up in.
For a non-Eridan example, Karkat loathes himself in massive part because his society loathes him. He's kill-on-sight and lives in daily terror of death. He wears a symbol at all because not having one marks him as even more of a freak, even though he knows that that symbol is connected to the empire's biggest rebel, whose footsteps he is expected to follow. The reason he's so obsessed with being leader-y and earning his teammates' reapect, or the respect of anybody, is because he's so deeply insecure about whether or not he even deserves to exist.
If you soften Alternia to the point you can write a lighthearted friendship simulator in it, then that characterization... goes away. Karkat is no longer motivated by deep, overwhelming insecurities, which drive him to idolize the society that deems him unworthy, mistakenly believing that if he can find validation in that society, he'll feel less bad about himself. Instead, Karkat is just kind of an asshole!
It's the same way with Eridan. He and Karkat are equal and opposite in this way - while Karkat is marked for death by his society, Eridan belongs to the extremely privileged caste of sea dweller royalty - even moreso than Feferi, as Feferi is slated to be murdered by the Condesce as soon as she comes of age (and her ridiculous optimism is likely something she cultivated in outright defiance of this fate). But it turns out that being a sea dweller sucks shit, too, if you aren't the extremely niche type of person that society deems "correct."
Eridan is not actually casteist and genuinely likes his land dweller friends - and this is unacceptible. Not only that, but smaller "unacceptible" offenses are wrapped up in big ones - despite not liking murder and feeling guilty about it, murder is objectively the correct thing for Eridan to be doing, constantly, to the point of it being "all [he's] ever done practically," because if he doesn't fulfil the duty of his bloodline to be murdering lusii (and by extension, their charges, who are culled when their lusii die), EVERYBODY dies. The constant push-pull of trauma, societal expectations and obligations, the fate of the species, and the fact that he is inherently not the "right" kind of person for his society, are pretty much his entire character. He's basically a walking ball of anxiety and emotional turmoil.
So, again, if you soften Alternia to the point where you can write a story about Eridan wanting to see Shrek in a public theater (something he would not actually be able to peacefully do in canon Alternia - at least not without taking off his cape, hiding his fins, and going anonblood - as sea dwellers are considered ridiculously hostile to the point even Gamzee's nervous about being on the beach for too long), Eridan ends up being just kind of an asshole!
Pesterquest!Eridan is, and I cannot stress this enough, fundamentally not the same guy as canon Eridan. They have practically nothing in common, from the fact that PQ!Eridan is willing to do something for leisure, to the fact that he isn't widely feared and the movie theater doesn't empty out in a panic when he turns up, even down to the fact that he likes femme fashion (canon Eridan goes to Lengths to lean into masc fashion) and Shrek (canon Eridan is a hipster). Hell, even the fact that PQ!Eridan SMILES is a massive deviation from canon!Eridan, who has never once been depicted smiling, and probably hasn't for many sweeps.
Also that he has that much beef with Sollux when, canonically, the two had a lukewarm mutual dislike and didn't even bother interacting until Feferi was added to the mix and Eridan became mad that Sollux was dating her. He wasn't even casteist about him until then, and after, even Sollux and Feferi don't think he's casteist, they just think he's ashenflirting so he can get into a quad with Feferi. Like come on, if you're going to feature another troll in Eridan's route, 1) make it be Karkat, and 2) have Eridan cheat on you the whole time with Karkat like he does to Feferi.
Eridan is just overall a wild choice in a friendship sim - I can't even blame them for just writing an OC and putting an Eridan skin on top - because societally, Eridan isn't even supposed to have non-sea dweller friends. The sea dweller/land dweller race war is something the Condesce deliberately put into place in order to keep land dwelling nobility in line, and Equius cites it as one of the reasons he never got along with Eridan. Like, the very fact that Eridan talks to two land dwellers on friendly terms (Kanaya and Karkat) is a MASSIVE deviation from what he's "supposed" to be like, and a huge hint that he's not as casteist as he'd like to appear. You are genuinely hundreds, if not thousands, of times likelier to end an encounter with Eridan either orphaned or dead than as his friend. He's an unstable maniac, and there's a reason so many members of his team don't like him even though he's legitimately not casteist and they mostly seem aware of it (nobody really complains about or even notices Eridan's casteism by the time they're on the meteor - his contradictions are really obvious, and it's likely that they've more or less realized that he's full of shit).
Again, I don't begrudge anybody for wanting or liking PQ. Who cares, really. I'm just saying that as a canon discussion blog, there's not really any place for PQ because it's so far removed from canon that, like, there's not really anything meaningful to discuss about it. The setting and characters in PQ are fundamentally divested from canon, and not even in an AU way. And it's totally fine if that's what you like, but, yeah, like.
Was Eridan written well (where "well" = accurate to canon): no. Maybe he's fine as an OC with an Eridan Minecraft skin slapped on, but that's not my beautiful son, that's not my baby boy.
What did they get wrong about Eridan (where "wrong" = inaccurate to canon): all.
What route would I have written for Eridan: he shoots you with a gun and you die. And then maybe cheats on you with Karkat
#not tagging bc its technically a hate post but i CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH#its ok to like pq its ok to enjoy pq#it is like not a big deal? who cares#end of the day it's all fake stories that arent real like who gives a shit#im just never going to have anything interesting to say because pq is just like#not really my thing? haha#i dont particularly like fluffy feel good stories#or visual novel/dating sim style gameplay#so i don't engage with it beyond skimming recaps of each route#thus i cant judge the actual quality of the writing#for all i know it's troll goddamn shakespeare all up in there#i looked at eridan's route and assumed that if that was how fast and loose they wanted to play with canon#then there wasn't really anything in there for me that i'd enjoy#totally just guessing that they deboned karkat's character too#maybe because he's a 'main character' and people like him more he didnt get as mangled as poor eridan#but also i dont really care#lmao
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I think we need to blow up the mouthwashing tag on every social media site
Solid fucking agree 🚬🐴
#asks#anon#can people treat I dunno. really heavy topics with the weight they deserve instead of fandomizing them like everything else. I know the#answer but still. and the way people have done it too is insaneeee like come the fuck on you people are literally ignoring shit for your own#comfort and thus creating some evilass metatextual instances ie using anya as a vessel for your own shit (denying her agency) and ignoring#jimmy on all levels because he makes you so uncomfortable but still wanting to have just one person to blame so villainizing the shit out of#curly when he did very much so fuck up big time but was still a person who did try even if it wasn't enough and also an abuse victim but#nobody likes to acknowledge that because nobody likes the idea that an abuse victim can fuck up big time and still be an abuse victim and#there's also the matter of how people idolize swansea and go oh he would've never let this happen when bro did know what happen halfway into#the months after the crash and didn't formally do anything until daisuke died. and people just act like daisuke can't and never would do#anything wrong when he literally stood there while jimmy rufied swansea. also the whole infantalization by the fandom really takes on a#whole nother tinge when you remember he's the only asian person on the Tulpar. like. guysssss. tears my fucking hair out and kills myself.#there's a reason that the only tag for a media I've found deeply personal I've refused to follow is mouthwashing because from the shit#that's slipped through the cracks alone good fucking god‼️‼️‼️ this is the uncomfortable game about accountability capitalism and sa do NOT#fucking remove the nuance from it. jesus fucking christ😀#anyway. yea.
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Cal made a new friend! He’s also small! Boba can’t play too far from the water, but there are lots of interesting things in the tide pools.
#cal kestis#boba fett#kesett#bobacal#mermay#mermay 2024#my art#star wars#star wars fan art#jedi survivor#star wars fallen order#calboba#they have a good time playing until buir jango realizes he doesn’t know where his kid is and scares shit outta cal#Which alerts jaro#who was meditating up the beach and keeping about a half eye making sure cal was nearby but trusting him not to cause too much trouble#And thus didn’t realize cal had found a whole ass baby mer#In the end no one is hurt (at least not that badly) but everyone is spooked#Merman boba#padawan cal#may the fourth be with you
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dan howell said you've got gold on your chin i said oh im sure
#dan and phil#dnp#atp it's not even that i genuinely think they kissed while dan was Dressed As The Golden Pig that would be SO impractical#but the 2016 demon phannie references are too good not to make when they do shit like thus
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#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#good heavens.... .#lobotomy corporation spoilers#SOMEHOW#lobotomy corp spoilers#carmen lobcorp#listen. i have an explanation okay. it doesnt make sense but it was funny in my head#adam has an earing. thought it would be funny if it was just from ayin . is it? not quite sure#text explanation carmen wanted to do diy piercings in the outskirts and ayin went 'nuh uh safety issues' before caving and#making her practice and do it first on him to make sure it goes well and taken care of correctly before she does it on herself#thus the one ear piecing is born. the alternative joke was that it was just clip on. am i going to question the clothing? nah#mind fuckery the facility is made outa thay too. could that also be for the earing and tatoo? yeah. is it more funny to me thos way? yeah#no idea how the hell adam speaks by the way we ball w that . tatoo is just a sharpie as well dont know why there would be any way to put ink#to skin in an efficient manner. besides mind fuckery which is also totally acceptable but null for the sake of shitty comedy#adam lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#thats it. yup. the only spoilers i have is ayins appearance and name actually. only thing i knew going in. so i suppose this will do#(im procrastinating day 49 i know i can do it but im in agony thinking abt it)#also thought it funny at the idea of an piercing made by carmen's hands ending up being used by the facet of A that is carrying out her will#even still even if it is in the most absurd and irrational way possible. wanting to give freedom and realization and the ability to not#have to just survive but be free to live inside the world with their desires and wants in the most 'purest' and 'strongest' form for all#even if it is a SHIT PLAN!!! established broken man whayever ill bully adam regardless
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Me crying on twitter again whenever I remember most ppl seem to think "narrative heavy" or "good storytelling" in video games inherently means hours of cutscenes or a bunch of dialogue
(^ thinks experiencing the story through gameplay mechanics can get a much more genuine and intense reaction from a player as they see the direct consequences of their actions on the world and characters surrounding them)
#shaking and crying over minor things bcs I love games that elicit an emotional reaction and shows its world and characters through gameplay#instead of divorcing it from the narrative and thus creating a game that can be separated into 'shooting part' and 'cutscene part' neatly#and no characters talking while youre shooting does not count as story through gameplay#I mean shit like pathologic or dark souls#There has to be more examples out there Im unaware of please enlighten me so I can acquire more games#apparently a lot of very old games are good at this too
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I can't tell if my sweet audrina is actually super well written or if I'm just obsessively compelled by it because of how deeply the story resonates
#my sweet audrina#i sometimes have to stop reading bc the book starts hitting WAY too close to home and that has never happened to me before 😭😭#i swear im not usually so sensitive when it comes to books. i mean hello american psycho is my fave book <3#but this shit is making me legit anxious to read 😩😩#but i cant tell if vc andrews writing is better than it was in fita or if im just projecting and thus finding a deeper meaning in the story#aka is the book actually good or does it just tickle some very specific horrifying part of my psyche ?#books
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I hate love triangles so, so much 😫
#I'm sorry but I'm a sucker for soulmates#thus I totally hate love triangles#unfortunately they seem to be way too popular in YA fantasy books#I've read so many books in the last couple of weeks and encountered that shit so often - I can't anymore#I've reached the point where I need to look up the ending of a book series before I actually dare to read it#listen if there's a romance in a book I want to indulge in it#I want to see them interact - see them grow - form an attachment#I don't want to wonder with whom she (it's usually a she) is going to end up with#so yeah good riddance love triangles
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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At least I'm a bit better today
#i wrote i downloaded a few games to play in the evening and I'm reading tgcf again *finally*#getting some snacks too#i think it was a good decision to not go tbh#mindfully taking time to myself is very healing idk#johnny's silly rambles#i know most disagree and they pity me for being so isolated and yeah it's shit bc it makes me entirely unpopular#well anyways... I'm maybe just gaslighting myself into believing thus#but also i need this#this is the only time i can feel myself and be content#i may be sad still but i can at least sit with it#and maybe turn it into something yk#well anyways idc anymore really...
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i love really jarring media consumption combos. reading pride and prejudice with a baja blast in hand like austen intended. reading ulysses and skip beat switching between them every chapter. interrupting my political misery porn with exactly 4 minutes of a challenge speedrun video because i need to do the dishes and one of those feels more right for that. yea
#it could manifest in a lot of ways and only one of those is a real example but you get the idea right#it's amusing to me ig#anyway pride and prejudice is good so far. ive never read it#i got my copy from an estate sale and that shit was NOT read lmao like ive had to physically pry it apart this whole time#thickest glue ive ever seen on a book and the text goes too far into the gutter so it's a little hard to read#if you're not close to yankin that thing in twain#the cover is also excruciatingly dated for when it came out. it's giving 1971 but she's a 2002 baby. very strange#anyway i cracked her spine and it's finally starting to get okay#as for my thoughts on the actual text of it im not giving any. lol#thus far i don't feel like i have anything interesting to say much less anything like. important. on something so well tread#my observations are going straight to my mom and then leaving my mind bc they're very very mundane#even by my standards
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#no one’s gonna pick date but god that’d be a funny option#he’d be supportive but also would be so caught off guard and so uneducated on the topic he’d say just. the stupidest shit#and you KNOW kiryu would just say it out of the fucking blue. date would probably drop a glass or something behind the counter. whiplash#anyway honestly it’s always been hard for me to pick between haruka and daigo- haruka obviously is the number one most important person to#him and if he’s gonna be that vulnerable with anyone it’s most likely gonna be her#HOWEVER. if he (miraculously) picked up on daigo never having an interest in women and having at least one close male companion that was a#liiiiitttttle too close to be Just a companion#then daigo has an advantage because. i mean. it’d guarantee the person he’d admitting this too wouldn’t judge him for it#and would have- amusingly enough- more experience in the area than kiryu himself thus the possibility for advice/reassurance#which is such an interesting conceptual conversation that I started writing it. maybe one day I’ll finish it……….#I think the only way he’d come out ti majima first would be completely on accident / incidentally#like. getting drunk with him and laughing about whatever havin a good time and after a waitress or whoever hits on kiryu majima says like#‘you know- I’ve known you for like 30 years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you return the favor when a gal flirts with ya- so what kinda#gals ARE you into–‘ ‘I don’t think I’ve ever really been into any women. ………. ah.’#anyway that’s just one thought#anyway have fun with this#kiryu#kazuma kiryu#yakuza#rambling#polls
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This is the era of the death of critical thinking because you'll have someone bringing up a valid point about a character/narrative in fiction and a bunch of people will outright mock it like a bunch of toddlers.
I'm sorry, Oda was never that perfect faultless perfect bestie ya'll think he was to Dazai. He had his flaws and major faults that are extremely important to him as a character that add to his character and led Dazai down this fucked up version of doing good where he has essentially turned himself into a martyr but ya'll have given him this fuckass mary sue perfection status where anyone so much as bringing up a character analysis that isnt them blatantly sucking his fictional dick leads to people mocking your intelligence or suggesting mental health issues.
"Tell me you've never read Dark era without telling me you've never read dark era", just cause you were too busy dick riding a character to the point you idolized him as some mary sue doesnt mean I did the same.
#maybe I'd like the guy more if people didnt constantly act like he is some saint#he's not#he's got string morals but he is not a good guy#he's in the fucking mafia for christ's sake#he's apathetic and unbothered about half the shit going on and so painfully passive when he is concerned#like my dudes#he would be an interesting character if anyone was actually allowed to look into him flaws and all#but everyone wants thus sanitized taintless version of the guy#like fuck that#oh you're just an skk shippers or oh you are jealous of oda cause dazai cares for him more#no??#i hate that i cannot have one decent discussion about the dude without some brat throwing a hissy fit#and no this aint about Chuuya fuck that noise#i have my thoughts on him too but they'll never see the air cause antis and haters do enough dragging there
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real nice that my dissertation supervisor aired me for 3 weeks just to tell me in our meeting today that she showed my plan to my other supervisor and neither of them understood it
#thunder rambles#YOURE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!!!!!!! COULDNT THIS HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL????????? THREE WEEKS AGO?????????#anyway she pivoted once it became clear i was going to cry if she didnt stop scrutinising my ideas.#all of a sudden it's 'youve done great work with your research' and 'youre a really good student' which like.#how does she even know that if she's never read my work. how am i supposed to believe her when she says that#if she's thus far never been interested in any idea ive suggested and never done anything but tell me they wont work#oh also two things. weve been discussing francoist propaganda film since our first meeting#and today is when she tells me she doesnt know how to access francoist films. which like#okay. wouldve been helpful to know when You first brought it up. but sure.#and secondly. my initial idea was to look at del toro. first thing she tells me is i cant focus on a single director because it's too much#of a 'film essay'.#now when she started realising that i was sortof in a crisis abt this. all of a sudden it's 'you can look at del toro'.#imgna smack the shit out of. idk. something.#ive had enough. im at a fuckin loss bro#and on my birfday too.....#history tag
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