#THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY ACCURATE TO WHAT ITS LIKE FOR THEM
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I have both eyes and they're both technically functional but I still relate to a lot of this because I also have monocular vision. In my case, the problem is with my brain, actually. It can only process images from one eye at a time because of a defect when I was born that required surgical intervention. Even after the fix, my brain just never learned that I still had two eyes, so it has no capacity to combine the image data like normal people do. As a result, I have no depth perception and I have a dominant eye that I use 90% of the time.
I also have visual snow that's especially noticeable when I close my eyes and at night in the dark, but as there isn't a lot of research on visual snow, I'm not sure if that's related or coincidental. In case people want to know a bit more about life as a person with monocular vision in a two-eyeballs kind of situation: I have a weird trick that I can do that seems to astound folks with binocular vision: I can consciously switch eyes. It's like flexing a muscle and I can decide to use the left one or the right in the same way that I can choose to wave my left or right hand. Trying to use both at the same time just doesn't work, though. If I really try, there's just this pressure feeling in my head, like I'm trying to imagine a colour that doesn't exist, but I can't make the two work together at all. This is likely just a me thing but my non-dominant eye is much worse than my dominant eye, and its been getting worse over the course of my life. It's still useful, but extremely near-sighted, so much so that it alone is legally blind and makes my optometrist and all their staff wince. But I can read very, very tiny close-up writing with it, so it comes in handy when I'm doing things like reading. My dominant eye is a little near sighted but not much. It's pretty stable. Also probably just a me thing: I have one lazy eye, but it relates to the monocular vision. It's my dominant one. If I use the non-dominant eye, you can actually tell when I've switched to it because my dominant eye "switches off" and rolls a little bit up and out. It was worse when I was a kid (my mom saying "Meghan, are you looking at me?" was a common thing) but it still happens nowadays. My non-dominant eye isn't lazy, so when I'm looking around normally with my dominant eye you can't tell that there's anything different about me than your average Joe. It's a mostly invisible disability for me (and I still feel strange calling it a disability because it's just how I've always seen, and yet here I am making a list of complexities regarding my vision, so....) A final possibly-just-me thing is that I hold my pencil like a space alien and always have. The reasoning I've given since I was a kid was because of which eye I use, I wouldn't be able to see what the end of my pencil was doing if I were holding it "correctly", so I draw and write like this:
(Video here, if you want to see the rest of that: https://www.tumblr.com/magpies-gold/699322866172346368?source=share) Can confirm from the above that head-tilt is a thing when one has monocular vision, even with two eyes. Because of the head tilt, I also get people startling me on my non-dominant side a lot, possibly because with my "blind" side tilted back and away from what I'm looking at, they think I'll see them sooner since that eye is closer to looking behind me. Therefore they don't think they're sneaking up on me. That is, right up until they appear, as if by magic, in my field of vision and I go AAAA!
Depth perception problems that I personally encounter: I don't drive so I don't have a lot to add there except that trying to learn scared me too much to proceed. I was not comfortable with how much slower my reaction time was on my left side or how I couldn't accurately judge where exactly objects in front of me were, so I gave it up in my teenage years in favour of a good pair of sneakers and a transit pass. But I will loudly say that going down stairs sucks. I am very opinionated on how much I love and appreciate when stairs have the bright yellow stripe at the edge, or some other marker to aim for. If stairs are all one uniform colour I am hesitant as hell putting my feet down because I can't tell how far a drop it is. I'm slow on descents on unfamiliar stairs and I desperately need the railing to hold on to. Going up stairs isn't bad because I have other visual cues to help me, and I'm much faster there. I also don't do well on really uneven terrain, like the rocky shores we have on beaches here. Watching my fiancé go hopping and skipping over rocks like a mountain goat gives me light wistful despair because I know if I tried that I would miscalculate almost immediately and break all my bones. My tactic is to get low and go slow if I have to cross anything where distances get tricky to guesstimate. I become a crab. I also have friends who know to slow down and will also let me hold their hand (bless). I do have peripheral vision ghosts on the non-dominant side even with two eyes. The most common thing I see is ghost cats. I'll see my cat jump up on a counter in my peripheral vision only to turn and find nothing there. Sometimes my brain will also suggest there might be a person walking in my peripheral vision. It's just overcompensating for what it has to fill in the blanks on. I can't catch things that are thrown at me except by sheer luck. Sports like baseball and badminton were brutal in high school and I got into many a verbal confrontation with my teacher while trying to explain that I had a very good reason to be afraid of the projectile coming for my face. I told him more than once to go close one eye and try it for himself and see what it's like. No peeking! I can't peek. Similarly, I can't fly a drone. I learned that very quickly when I accidentally flew Tim's full tilt into a wall. Oops. >> Drone was okay. I, on the other hand, was absolutely boggled by how I just could not tell where it was in space until boom, I'd crashed it. And that's because another thing is that I was personally born the way that I am, so I'm fully acclimated to it. I know nothing else, and I don't notice all the micro calculations that I do to translate my 2D view into 3D space so that I can move around in it. At least, I don't until I have a situation where the object I'm working with suddenly has no context, like a drone in mid-air, and then I suddenly notice my limitations. 3D movies largely don't work for me. They're basically just regular 2D movies involving stupid glasses. -shrug- Finally, video games with a lot of icons around the edges of the screen are a nightmare for me because I can't see all of my monitor at once. Again: slow as balls reaction time because I have to re-calibrate and turn my head a lot. The concept of a wide-screen monitors makes me go "Jesus, why?"
writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.
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out of your league - paul x reader
AN: thank you so much for all of the love and support for fourteen entire parts of this story ! hugs and kisses, xoxo
Nervously biting your lip, you waited for the phone to answer your call. The wrinkled napkin was even more wrinkled and you hoped that the slightly smudged numbers were accurate to the ones that you have digitally imputed.
A man picks up the phone, asking who this person is calling him for.
"Hi. Can I speak to John?" you say, trying to rid your voice of any type of nervousness.
"This is he. Wait.. I know this voice... Let me think, don't say it. I will get it right....Y/N? Right?" he says.
You chuckle and confirm. He asks you how you've been. Fall is starting soon and your schedule was clear enough to give him a phone call.
"So, I'm really glad that you called. I really think I should introduce you to somebody that you will go crazy for." he explains.
"Mhm." you say as he then continues after he hears your acknowledgment.
"I think you both will go crazy for each other actually. Both of your minds seem to be a lot alike. I showed him your work and he found the other work that you have posted, he like went crazy." he says and chuckles as you join in.
"So. Have you been to New York before?" he asks.
"Never." you say almost in shock. That was the very place you would love to go. Art seemed endless there.
"All I need is for you to tell me you would like to visit and a ticket will be in your email inbox before the leaves touch the ground." he says and you take a moment to think.
Paul wasn't there at the moment, making his rounds with Sam.
"Yes, I would love to but-"
"Good! I'll uh.. keep in touch and I'll see you soon." he says, his voice being much lighter since you somewhat accepted such an offer. He saw so much potential and wanted to introduce you into a deeper world.
The line goes dead as you rack your brain of how this conversation could go.
As the fork clinked against the plate, Paul chuckled to himself as he swallowed his food. He finally takes his eyes that were on his plate and directs them to your pupils.
"You must have to either tell me something or you want something."
You playfully roll your eyes, "If I want something, you know what I would do." you tell him. He gives you a look that makes you blush but you quickly recoup yourself before things go too far off track.
"Don't freak out please." you tell him carefully as your held your own fork.
He glanced at the dish that you served him, it was one of his favorites. You barely cooked it because you expressed how tedious it was. He thought you found the lost time.
"I wont freak out if its bad." he decides.
Knowing you're not going to get the promise you wanted, you nod as you just let the words roll off of your tongue.
"I'm going to New York soon."
"When?" he says immediately back.
"Soon, before the fall."
Smiling a bit but no intent of humor, he is a bit taken aback.
"That's... very close." he says.
"I just found out today while you were gone." you say defensively.
He doesn't say much as he furrows his eyebrows and looks back down at his plate. He's thinking.
"What are you thinking about?" you softly ask as you place a touch on his hand.
"Nothing."
"Liar." you say in a hushed tone.
"How long are you going to be gone?" he asks.
You slowly shrug, feeling a bit shameful for not knowing the definite answer. You felt it was a bit childish.
"And you accepted- wait. Who is in New York again?" he then asks.
"The guy who bought my painting." you explain.
"Oh." he drags out as he scrapes the last remainder of food that was on his plate, bringing it to his mouth, saying it as if he pieced the final piece to a puzzle.
"Do you think Sam will let you go?" you ask as you fold a napkin, over creasing it.
"Sure he would. If hell froze over." he answers.
"Plus, you don't know how long you're going to be gone." he says with his hands out.
Looking down, "I don't know, I thought you would think this is a good opportunity for me." you voice out.
"Y/N, it is. There's just no way in hell he's going to let me go miles and miles away from La Push for god knows how long." he says, if you didn't pay attention, you would’ve missed that there was a hint of somberness in his voice.
Getting up from your seat, his head is now in your arms as you hold it against your stomach. "I really wish you could come."
He doesn't say anything for some time but his arm fits snug around your waist. Once you are about to let him go, he surprises you with, "You're going far. I know I can't go. Can you at least ask someone to go with you?"
You intake a breath for a response but he adds in, "I would feel better knowing someone is going with you at least."
"I can see but..." you say giving him a knowing look. Sam admitted to checking up on Emily while doing errands. It was comical to think they would be able to handle being without each other for long.
He laughs a little, "I know."
"The idea of someone being with me doesn't sound bad, you know. You have to promise me to come with me the next time I go back." you tell him.
He leans up as you lean down, "Deal." he agrees. Instead of shaking on it, you both touch lips on it.
Another day came around as you woke up in bed alone. Covers were tucked tight with you, Paul didn't want you to be cold due to your lack of clothing. The weather was starting to show signs of change. The summer wave is blending into an end. You really had to wear a jacket for temperature purposes and not by fashionable choice.
Sliding it on, you closed the front door as you made you way to return the rest of your checked out books to the local library. You brought the almost finished Wuthering Heights, texting Bella since it was a public place.
"I'm at the library. I wanted to give you something."
You weren't a heartless person. It kind of made you feel bad as you read previous missed texts from Bella, asking you if you can talk on the phone or if you were free.
You tried your best to give Paul the stress free mentality of not dealing with her. Knowing the danger that she was constantly around, you were a bit scared of it rubbing off on you.
She immediately texts back. Not hearing from you in a long time, made her not want to miss an interaction with you.
"Okay. I'm omw"
You waited as you looked around. She didn't take long before she pushes open the clear entry door and have her chocolate eyes searching for yours.
What surprised you was the hug that she gave you. She pulls back with a nervous chuckle, "I'm sorry. I haven't heard from you in a while, that's all."
"Yeah." you say bringing a nervous chuckle of your own. You extend the book in her direction as she softly smiles.
Her smile fades as she notices that you haven't finished it. She echoes her observation.
"You haven't finished it."
"I know. I'm going out of town and I don't want to lose it or anything." you explain.
She vocalizes two tisks as she looks back at the returned book, "Y/N, give it back to me when you’ve actually read the entire thing."
"I don't even know when I'm coming back." you say, bringing your shoulders up a bit.
Her eyebrows furrow a bit, "Did you change your mind? Are you leaving for college?"
You shake your head, "The power of art."
She smiles again, "That's good. I'm happy for you."
"At least keep it until I get back." you tell her, trying your best to convince her.
"No way. You might need it for the trip going there. Wait, where are you going?"
You hesitated as you thought of her immortal boyfriend finding out.
"Y/N?" she asks again when she doesn't get an answer, but cautiously.
She didn't have to know the exact city or place. Just the state.
Her eyes grow big, "Wow. That's awesome. I've never been."
"Really?" you ask her as you both walk out of the library.
As much as her mother moved around, you were surprised.
"Yeah." she says as a lock of hair moved with her fingers to rest behind her ear.
As you walk her to her truck, she then says, "I'm sure Paul is going to miss you like crazy."
"Yeah. I shouldn’t be gone for too long.”
You hear her sigh as you watch her open a cab door.
"What's wrong?' you ask.
She takes a moment, before continuing, "Do you think.. Never mind." she says.
"What? What is it?" you press on.
"I mean.. It would be nice if I got to get away like you. I really don't want to spend my birthday here. Then, you’re leaving." she says with gloom as she looks around.
"But, you get to spend it with Edward. Besides, I'm sure it's going to be all work with no fun anyhow." you say, trying to shrug it off.
She doesn't say anything but you could easily tell she wanted to.
She instead decides to sit in her driver seat.
"I can drop you back off if you want me to." she says, noticing you don't have car keys.
"The air feels good today."
"Y/N, get in." she says.
Your heart thuds almost out of your chest at the thought of her finding out where you and Paul lived. Afraid of the information she would tell Edward, you decide to play with flipping the script.
"What were you up to? I don't really feel like going home. Paul is out right now." you say as you close the passenger door.
"Doing chores. Fun, huh." she says with dry humor but her eyes still light up.
"Very." you say and both share a series of chuckles.
"Do you want to come over?" she offers. There was hope in her voice. Bella hasn't really made a genuine friend, let alone a human friend, enough to ever ask this question. It felt good to willingly ask this question to someone.
You nod. It was way better than explaining to Paul on why Bella Swan knows where you both live.
Driving on the highway, you both soak in the comfortable silence. For some reason, you felt like you had to get inside of this chick's head.
Sitting crisscrossed on her soft bed, your eyes wander around her bedroom.
You caught sight of the pictures that hung up, kids that definitely went to her school. A picture of her and her father. "Cool mustache" , you thought to yourself. Bella being hugged tightly by Renee as you could feel her carefree nature just by one glance at the picture. A long haired boy next to her was muddy as blush was painted on Bella's cheeks with the boy's arm slung around her shoulder. Taking an extra glance, you notice that she was muddy in the picture as well. A picture that stuck out like a sore thumb out of all of them, was the one with the Cullen boy. If you hadn't seen him in person with her, you would've thought she cut him out of a magazine and glued him next to her.
"So, that's why you were in Seattle." she says as realization hit as you tell her the full story of how this opportunity came about.
You nod your head as she chuckles, "Edward was trying to take me to something fancy, I convinced him to let me eat there."
"Wow." you say.
You then change the subject, “What was your first impression of Edward?”
“Perfect.” she says with a blush.
“You both met a school?” you ask. She nods.
“What about you?” she ask as she jerks her head a bit.
You shrug as you shyly smile, “I thought he was out of my league to be honest.”
A small laugh comes out of her throat as she says, “No, same. I still wonder how Edward finds me interesting.”
“Come on, it’s easy. You’re a pretty girl with a…Pretty guy to match. I’m sure this isn’t your first rodeo.” You say to not let herself feel low standard.
She gives you a look, “He’s my first boyfriend. Plus, guys didn’t look my way. In places like Arizona and California, I’m just another girl.” she explains.
You raise your eyebrows a bit at this. Understanding the rush, “Paul’s mine as well. I guess we’re experiencing relationships for the first time…together.”
A small smile doesn’t leave her face, “Okay, I’m shocked at you. You’re so easy to get along with.”
You shrug.
"I still haven't forgot that you told me you were going to let me peak into your sketchbook."
"I didn't forget." you say you say sweetly and a muffled knock appears at the door.
"I'll be back." she says as she gets up. Not thinking anything of it, you stretch your legs out in her spot until she gets back. Except, she doesn't come back right away.
You move closer to the cracked bedroom door as you hear voices beneath you. Almost being a pro at eavesdropping, you don't let your footsteps touch the ground hard under you as you sit close.
"They're dangerous, Bella." you hear a male voice, almost sounding like bells chiming.
"Well, Y/N's not. She's human. Like me."
"Who's dating someone dangerous, Bella. Who loses their temper faster than we do." the voice says, in that same bell like voice.
It was entrapping, it made you want to hear him speak a long speech, knowing you would never get bored. It was unnatural.
"Edward, that’s not fair. Plus, you won’t even explain why."
"What wouldn't be fair is if something were to happen to you." he says and silence fills the air.
You brace yourself to move, thinking he must've figured out that you're listening in, but luckily, he continues, "I know you're a selfless person, but Alice has been dying to spend more time with you."
Hearing her frustrated and impatient sigh, "Edward, I like spending time with people who have the same interests as me. Being Barbie Bella is tiring." she says.
"I know. You can just talk to her." he says.
"I have. I seriously don't believe for a second that you think she listens."
Silence then trickles into the air again as you give up, not even letting your position be known. It seemed like as soon as you sat on the bed, Bella came back in.
"Who was that?" you ask her.
"Just Edward. Are you hungry? I went shopping this week." she says as if nothing happened.
Wanting to know if your curiosity serves you right, you nod. Following her down the wooden steps, the perfect male is sitting stiffly in the kitchen chair.
Glancing at Bella, she opens her mouth, "Y/N. Edward. Edward, this is Y/N."
It was as if he tried to figure something out, as you kept your eyes on him. You didn't say anything. It reminded you of the look of concentration that he displayed when you saw him and Bella in Seattle.
"Hello." he says politely, but something in his actions felt like he wanted to say more.
"Goodbye." you say and you turn to Bella, "I should get going."
"You just got here. Please." she says, her eyes screaming for you not to go. Her hand even takes the extra length to be placed on your arm as you try to turn on your heels.
Sighing, you hated being in uncomfortable situations. You definitely didn't sign up to be a third wheel.
"I'll just be in the living room." you tell her. She's pleased with this.
"Cool. I can um.. Start dinner for Charlie then." she says with a small smile.
Giving her a tight smile you drop it as your back is faced towards her. Flopping on the couch, you press the buttons on the remote. Not knowing what to put on, you just let Animal Planet run its course. You didn't have to think.
The narrator finishes up the showing of the son of a lion being kicked out of the pride. The melodramatic music begins as the son has no choice but to leave and wander along the edges of established territories.
"They do it. If there's potential competition." the melodic voice speaks out, you jump a bit as you didn't hear him come in the living room. Out of you peripheral vision, you catch a glimpse of him as he sits stiffly on the other end of the couch.
You could still hear Bella tinkering about in the kitchen.
"I would say cool but.." you say as you impatiently wait for the commercial break to end.
"All it is, is nature." he says back.
You take a quick look at him. You wished you didn't. The amber eyes stared back at you with so much focus, it was uncanny.
You look away. You weren't afraid. It was just unnerving. His gaze was both pierce and intense. You weren’t used to something like this since the first time that you met Paul.
“Your eyes.” you just say as you watch the screen advertise paper towels, in a volume that you know only he could hear. You said it with such obvious clarity. The last commercial smoothly transitioned into the next animal’s day in a life.
“What about them.” he says slowly but steadily.
“They’re a bit..” you say and then smirk but shake your head.
“They’re a bit, what?” he pressed on but still coated with detectable persuasion.
“Unusual.” you say square at him and watch as his lips purse a bit at this. His eyebrows wrinkle a bit.
You then take your eyes back to the television screen. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything with Bella right in the kitchen.
“Is that a bad thing?” he asks with great curiosity as the animal’s day on the screen is paced slow.
“It’s an unusual thing.” you say as your eyes follow the vibrant colors of the safari scenery but to your surprise he chuckles a bit as he coolly says, “Hypothetically, you have something about yourself that’s unusual.”
You go silent as you just shrug him off. He then rises as Bella meets him halfway as she entered the room, her face filled with happiness to see him as she forgets her surroundings.
“Never again.” you sigh internally in your head as you rest your knuckle on your cheek as your arm rests on arm of the sofa. It almost felt more intrusive than Sam and Emily.
“I will leave you both be. Your friend is getting bored.” he says with humor but it was also as if he couldn’t wait to have something pinned on you. The smug smile that he tried to hide wasn’t unnoticeable to you. Bella just looked up to him with longing, but Edward held her close with such delicacy. It looked like a hint of a renaissance painting.
You didn’t expect the look of Edward’s face as he caught your eyes, the smugness slowly died down. It was as if he was reading or watching something in your eyes but you feel very unsettled, casting your glance to just Bella.
Bella then catches your eye and has a sign of remembrance as she then takes a shy hold of your hand as she walks you in the direction of the kitchen.
You felt safe in Bella’s grip but Edward’s eyes burned your skin. He literally watched you the entire way.
“Thank you.” you tell Bella as you politely take a baked treat of hers. She wanted you to try her dinner, but your stomach just couldn’t handle the heaviness of the food due to the lasting effects of Edward. A small desert was passable. It would let you buy time to think of responses if needed be.
She passed your welcomes and you both sit confortably at her table.
“He’s gone and I miss him already.” She says as she chuckles and nervously run a hand through her hair, “Is it like that with you and Paul?”
The fact that she acknowledged Edward’s absence, your tense shoulders dropped as you nod. It was true, you did miss him even at that moment.
Thinking of him, shuddered a wave of confidence through you. You were tired of tiptoeing.
“Do you both have a supernatural connection?” you ask.
She blinks as she looks at you with a wave of shock.
“Bella. It’s okay. I know Edward is not really human.” you carefully say as she still try to peddle through the river of denial.
She stutters out, “How? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You are so not leaving me here by myself in this world.” you say to her and it shuts her up.
Her face goes even as she then looks down and then around. She shakes her head a bit as she lets out a small breath, “So, is Paul..?”
You didn’t want to deep dive into his abilities with someone who was dating his opposition.
“Something of that sort. But promise me something please.” you say.
She nods.
“Don’t tell Edward that…I know.” you say.
She nods again but speaks, “He can’t read my mind anyway.”
You make a gesture of not knowing what she’s talking about. She makes it crystal clear. You then wondered, what did he see in your mind? It shouldn’t have been too much since you spoke out to him directly, but you just didn’t know for sure yet.
“Lucky you.” you say as she lightens her mood, feeling relaxed and at ease again.
“I feel like it’s good that we’ve met. I mean it’s nice to know someone who’s like me, a human, who just knows what it’s like to keep secrets. Especially, about stuff like this.” she says with great relief.
You give her a smile as she has her feel of gratefulness.
Her hand stayed on the steering wheel as she looked over to you. Not only did common interests overlap with one another, she liked having you around a lot. You felt bad about the idea of completely cutting her off.
“Text me.” she says as you push open her truck door.
“Okay.” you say back as your feet touched the pavement of the beach parking lot.
Sitting on the rocks, your mind wandered free as dusk began to settle in. You call Paul but there’s no answer. He’s still not home by the time you walk back.
You felt a sense of lonesome, the shower that you took didn’t soothe you. Stealing Paul’s pillow, you clutch it close to you as his faint smell of him dance in your nostrils.
It was very dark but there a luminary light that pushed your footsteps forward. Walking towards it, you felt a strong hand try to pull you back but one hand started to multiply. Soon, hands were trying their best to keep you from going into the light that you were walking in.
You woke up with such urgency, you almost didn’t notice Paul smushed into you. Sighing in relief and tracing your hand on his cheek, he stirs in his sleep. As you let your mind play a supercut of your dream, Paul’s eyes slowly but tiredly blinks open as he catches a glimpse of your unsettled demeanor.
Reaching to kiss your jawline, he makes sure that you’re okay.
You nit pick at the breakfast in front of you. Paul watched your movements without saying anything.
“I think I’m going to stay back.” you say to the silent air.
“What?” he says, as if you were crazy. You don’t say anything as you watch your breakfast instead of eating it.
“Look, you don’t have to take someone with you I was just-“ he starts, but you didn't like the way that his eyes showed how he blamed himself, you cut him off.
“It’s not about that. I don’t know. I just feel like….” you say but sigh out as your shoulders hunch a bit.
“What is it?”
“I really want you to be the one to come with me.” you just quietly say.
He takes your hand. “Believe me, I feel the same.” he says.
Your mind goes to thinking again. You really want to tell Paul that Edward has an ability. It scratches at your brain. You wondered if this was something that he knew. But, the millions of questions would come and he’s been trusting you more. If he found out that you were around Edward to know, things would go back to square one.
“I'm so fucking tired.” he comments. You look up and see that he’s telling the truth. The bags under his eyes show proof of his claim.
The hand that he still had in his, rose to up and your lips place a kiss on the back of his.
"Can we trade places?" you say to make him feel a bit better.
"No way. Let your passion be the only thing that stresses you out." he says seriously. He rises as he announces his departure. Crushing you close to him, you gladly drink him in to the point where he had to be the one to unwillingly pull away.
Sitting at the kitchen table, you doodled in your pad to blow off the thoughts in your head. Barely paying attention to the direction of your strokes. It wasn't until you reached for your eraser, is when you look at the small picture that you drew.
The eyes were very familiar and striking. You tear out the page as you crumble it tight and toss it in the trash. All it did was bring out the memories of what those eyes held. A certain face floated in your head so you tried your best to distract yourself.
Calling Emily, you find out that she’s home. You smile at this. Your smile fades when she then drops, "Kim is here."
Retracting your interest, "Okay, well, I guess I will talk to you later."
Hanging up with her, you figure fresh, cool air should help you take your mind off of things.
You walk outside, the wind blowing as you take your time with your steps. Headphones were snug on your ears as you listened closely to the lyrics. The song, you and Paul’s song, came on and soothed you. You both came a long way since then. Your mind travels as you sit on the cliffs.
As you let the piece of charcoal glide in your small booklet, a quote stuck out to you.
“Hypothetically, you have something about yourself that’s unusual.”
Whatever that means. But what did it mean? Was it just a get back for your comment? The color was unusual. But most of all, you felt frustrated that all you wanted to do was clear your head but your mind kept going back to your interaction with Edward Cullen.
You scribbled frustratedly on the page, cursing for him taking up the space in your mind. It started to slowly turn into bitterness. Even his smug demeanor that he displayed the previous day was even on loop. As badly as you wanted to shake him off, you just couldn’t.
Sliding your headphones off while they were leaking with music, you let out a deep sigh. You definitely weren’t going to stay here and miss out on leaving town.
“Can you please at least come for dinner? I haven’t seen you in so long :( “
You read Emily’s text as you made your way down the cliffs. You were there for a while. Not responding, you just walk to her home.
Opening the door, the aroma of the supper that she cooked, smacked right into you.
Her body soon followed as she hugged you tight. “It’s been so long!” she gushes, happy to see you. Hugging her back, you squeeze her to let her know that you missed her as well.
Sam says hello to you as you touch his shoulder in passing. Moving into the living room, you find Paul sitting on the same sofa as Jared.
Wrapping yourself up with Paul, Jared jokes how a hello to him would be nice.
“Sorry.” you replied with nervous laughter. You didn’t get a chance to talk much after, Paul’s finger guides your face to his as he gets a taste of you.
“The bedroom is that way.” you hear an unpleasant voice suddenly say.
Ignoring it, you didn't even notice Jared telling her silently to stop.
You rise as you take Paul’s hand with you to sit at the eating table next to you.
Thank goodness the conversation was light but you were still silent, besides laughing at Paul’s humorous remarks that he would throw out.
You stood at the sink as laughter was floating out of the living room. Taking the dish out of the soapy water, you began to scrub with a sponge as the headphones softly sang songs in your ears.
With the dishes done, you go into the living room to join everyone.
Your phone drops out of your pocket as you move to sit next to Paul.
Kim moves to pick it up, she steals a discreet look at the notification that came across your screen. This action goes unnoticed as she stretched her phone out to you.
As much as didn’t want to, you mutter out a thanks. Paul moves your body to plop you onto his lap.
“Congratulations, by the way. Paul told us about your upcoming trip.” Jared tells you with a supportive smile. You gladly tell him thanks.
“What trip?” Kim asks. You say nothing as Sam just says, “She’s been a graced a wonderful opportunity.”
“How come no one’s told me?” she questions but the looks that went her way let her know that she couldn’t have been serious.
“Because we didn’t.” Paul impatiently says to get to her to be quiet so he can focus back on the television.
She scoffs a bit as she says, “I’m sure she told Bella Swan all about it.”
“Are you serious right now?” Jared asks her. You felt a bit bad that he was feeling irritated. Noticing the slight change in his normal vibrant self, he seemed defeated and had no ounce of optimism left.
“I am. She drops me for some vampire lover. I’m offended.” she explains.
“Kim, if you’re not going to control yourself, you have to go. We’re choosing peace tonight.” Sam tells her.
Kim sits back with her arms folded like an immature child as the only thing that was left to be heard in the room was the action on the television.
You volunteer to fill the popcorn bowl to escape the tension. You missed being over here a lot and you tried your best to not let a certain someone ruin it for you.
You check your notifications and it was a proposition from Bella.
“My birthday is in a few days and was wondering if it could be just us if you’re still here. I don’t want to do anything over the top.”
You type back, seeing indeed that the month of September had arrived.
“I honestly would have to let you know.”
The microwave beeped as you pulled the hot bag out and carefully rip it open. You shuffle out the contents into the bowl and hold it as you make your way back into the living room.
You hand Emily the bowl as you let yourself fall gracefully onto Paul’s lap.
Paul’s hand had a mind of their own as the darkness hid him circling your belly. Leaning back further on him, you thought nothing of it.
His hips did one smooth shift as your body rolled with him, an electrifying feeling, shot through you.
It was a bold move as his hand never leave the spot he had it placed but you sit up a bit, still feeling him beneath you.
You catch a peak at his face when he stares back at you with audaciously.
“I think we’re going to head out. Paul could barely keep his eyes open.” you say as you watch his face slowly turns into a smirk.
“Aw? Already?” Emily asks crestfallen.
You “help” him up with your hand as he rises from his spot.
“You know the time for tomorrow, right?” Sam asks Paul.
Paul stretches his limbs out as he nods.
It was your turn to stretch the limbs of your arms. Your hands were filled with the wrinkled sheets that were tight under your grip.
Paul’s hands caressed the skin of your back as your body rocked back and forth on his sleek stiffness. It scraped deliciously in your insides as your breathe out as name. His grunts were heavy as he then whispered out, “Shittt.”
He pulls back and emptied himself on the sheets as his hand couldn’t catch all of himself.
As you fit a clean sheet on the bed, you speak out with mellowness, “We shouldn’t do it raw anymore.”
He takes a glance at you as he speaks back, “Why? You don’t like how it feels?”
A heated feeling in your cheeks scorched as you smooth out the side that you tucked, “N-no. I mean, I do.”
“Then what’s wrong?” he chuckles a bit as he tosses a pillow onto the bed.
“You almost came in me.” you tell him in a small voice, you both have been intimate many times but talking about sex with him still brought shy, fluttery feelings.
“I always pull out in time.” he says with confidence.
“It only takes one time. And you didn’t …One time.” you say as you remembered the time when you woke up to both of you still intertwined. You’ve never felt so amalgamated with him. As vice as it seemed, it felt so good.
“I can smell when you’re ovulating.” he says casually and lays back on his side of the bed, looking to you to join him.
“I just don’t.. Want any mistakes.” you tell him cautiously as you cover yourself with the large cover.
“Do you want any mistakes, someday?” He asks as he pulls you to snuggle against his warmth.
“I don’t know. At least, not now.” you tell him with gentle shrug. You then look to him to watch his face, which was full of contentment. “What about you?” you ask him.
“To be honest, yeah.” he says and you feel trapped in his gaze as the honest truth shone through. He then reached over to turn the lamp off.
Early the next morning, you decided to take it easy by staying in. It was raining hard and the wet leaves stuck to the sidewalk and the streets.
It’s been a while since you’ve used your good paint and just went to work on a wooden canvas that you forgot you had. Halfway through making the inchoate, rainy, autumn scenery, you’ve decided to give this as a gift to Bella.
After you spread clear varnish onto your work, you decided to check your email.
A subject message stops you dead in your tracks.
The name alone stopped you in your tracks.
ALICE CULLEN
SURPRISE PARTY INVITE !
Not even clicking on it, you scroll. There was just no way you were going that deep.
Clicking on another inbox message, John had sent your ticket. You check the dates and see that you’re going to be gone for an entire week. You’ve also seen that you were leaving two days after Bella’s birthday. Sitting back with your arms crossed, you look at her gift.
#paul lahote fanfic#paul lahote imagine#paul lahote x reader#paul lahote x you#paul lahote x y/n#y/n#y/n imagines#x y/n#quileute#la push#twilight wolves#twilight wolfpack#fanfic#twilight#twilight saga#paul lahote#paul lahote imagines#fanfiction#imprint#imagine#x reader#y/n fanfic
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theres a good reason waters doesn't see npm as a very close friend
#THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY ACCURATE TO WHAT ITS LIKE FOR THEM#npm and waters are best buddies until waters starts talking about complex or emotional topics. then they get the fuck outta there asap#ribble the scribble#rw#lotg#light on tainted glass#tari oc#rain world oc#nine purple mountains#open waters#rain world
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what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans
there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv
i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before
IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings
a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:
b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT
c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro
#if it had been pre-fight i think shuro must have seen him as someone who wasnt serious enough or was too directionless#it would definitely have been easier to pick him out i think....#i realise that very little actual shipping made it into the scenario. but i hope you see the vision#anon#ask#laishuro tag#if shuro actually ended up having to judge them i cant tell you how accurate he would have been#i DO know that compared to laios he would have been watching their social interactions more carefully#maybe he notices certain habits. i dont know if he would get all of them right though. he definitely gets laios right#long post#huge fucking post even. im so sorry. i hope this answered your question#this is actually shorter than it originally was i took off a paragraph#and.. shorter again because i just revised the final route LMAO#its kinda important that laios is the one that judges so i fixed it. originally i was like well what if shuro judged#which u can kind of tell from the tags above lmao#ok i give up i cant edit this anymore here u go <3
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I think this is true, but what makes it particularly frustrating is that politics -- not just electoral politics, but literally any form of political action ever -- will always be either harm reduction or harm increase. No politician will ever "save us," nor should you want them to. If you support a politician you think will do anything other than, at best, mitigate harm, you will be, at best, disappointed, or at worst, fall under the sway of a charismatic dictator.
One of the most frustrating things about this presidential election was the way so many people -- and, I cannot emphasize this enough, these are not people who would typically be considered "low-information voters," these are informed people who follow news and politics to an above-average degree -- blamed Biden and/or Harris for "not doing" things that were in no way within their scope of authority. I wanted to absolutely scream every time some smug anti-voter thought they had a real gotcha with "If Biden/Harris are for abortion rights, why did we lose Roe under Biden?" or "If Harris says that if elected she'll restore Roe, why doesn't Biden restore it now?" That's not how this works! That's not how any of this works! The president doesn't control or "overrule" supreme court rulings, but the president does appoint supreme court justices and other federal judges in the hope of more favorable rulings in the future!
Like. Especially in presidential elections, the degree to which even informed, engaged Americans view the president as Big Daddy In Charge who will Fix Things and Punish My Enemies and is Personally Responsible for Everything That Happens just... makes any realistic political movements so difficult.
"But Trump said he would -- " he was lying! "But Biden said and then he didn't -- " he was also lying! Congratulations, you've discovered Level Zero of Political Awareness, "Politicians Lie." You use your Critical Thinking Skills to deduce what's a lie and what isn't by, among other things, your awareness of what is actually in the politician's scope of authority.
It's just... I know there's a very accurate and valid pushback from the youthlib movement against using the word "childish" as an insult, and I do agree with that, but in this particular case, I will defend its accuracy -- this worldview is literally childish. It is developmentally appropriate for a young child to have an un-nuanced view of authority figures and assume that there's A Person In Charge who is responsible for fixing/solving all things, which is why toddlers will sometimes do things like ask their parents to turn the rain off. There is no reason for this worldview to persist into voting-age adults. Yet for some reason it does.
I don’t know if I’m yet fully here, but something to think about.
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Thank you f1 for being canon compliant and putting Fernando in his habitual Santa suit
#its so funny seeing this bcs its like yeah of all drivers ofc he'd be santa#old man duties and all that 🥱#but then think abt how theres pics from his ferrari yrs of him genuinely in that exact costume#i think actually they should dress up Fernando more#if you look at old pics theyre always making him wear silly things#yeah yeah the boss photos#but there is a severe lack of weird fernando costume pics as of late#you cant see it but theres actually a speech bubble of him saying:#alright who wants to sit on santa's lap first#and boom there is an immediate line#guys what do you think is in his bag 🤭🤭#just. only kimoa merch#i loved seeing people on reddit say his secret santa gift was very thoughtful#and like yeah sure he knows that charles is getting into padel. but like. its literally his brand.#in that bag is just padel rackets. and if you dont play padel then you instead get a personalized padel lesson from papa nando-#aaaah i rly like the way they drew him in this very cute very accurate#(also man makimg me wish i drew somw weird vett//onso christmas art of them as santa and elf 🙄🙄🙄)#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso
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this was an idea i had last year that i found in my files and decided to revive. woe, angst be upon ye
#it was originally going to be that every panel was drawn#but i think trying to do all of that was why i gave up in the first place#cause man im not used to like... any of those angles#i need to be but im just not so#the white vignette is meant to indicate its what hes imagining/remembering#i know he wasnt there for the ineffable bureaucracy thing but like#hes just imagining it very accurately#hes thinking of them because they got their happy ending but he didnt lol#i remember last year when i first decided to draw this i tried to get a google earth angle of the bench :[ but there wasnt a good angle#so i just had to reference off the actual shot of them sitting on that bench lol#he also might be really tiny compared to it but shhh dont mind that#ineffable husbands#good omens#good omens fan art#anthony j crowley#aziraphale#beezlebub good omens#gabriel good omens#oh by the way the song is 'tomorrow never came' i think its by lana del ray but i only know the thomas sanders and miss benny cover#my post#my art#good omens angst#ineffable husbands angst#edit from hours and hours later but man i remembered the lyric 'every day felt like someday and i just wish we had stayed home'#and man i cant even think of an image or drawing that that would be attached to but i wish i could cause i like it too
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also i realize i'm saying all these noble and beautiful things about the channel from the purest depths of my heart. but actually i'm also just doing this because i fucking love the witcher books and it pisses me off that people don't know about them that much in english and i can only go for so long (seven years) with people not knowing that there are books. or that the witcher is from the 90s. or polish.
#'whatt i didnt know the witcher was polish. wait where is poland' funky music stops.#like statements that just crush your soul?? my god netflix did a number on the witcher's perception#'so is it based on the video game? the book? there is a book?'#'waaait the second season wasn't accurate to the books? wdym...?'#>knowing the witcher >knowing henry cavill >not knowing who andrzej sapkowski is#when the literal writing is like inseparable from polish and that's why the translation is so hard#when the literal story is like chock full of allegories and references to real life polish history#and it only exists because of a very interesting time in contemporary polish history#like i'm not mad at the PEOPLE who don't know about the witcher i'm mad about how it's been TREATED#with witcher 3's fame at least people who knew the game generally knew a little more maybe#with netflix it's like no one knew anything about the actual witcher and it was really really sad#i do blame the artistic direction but i also blame the marketing and the writing and everything to do with everything#because how are they supposed to know if no one told them. if witcher here has been so separated from what it actually is and is about#like why not just leave witcher alone and get into any other fantasy. there is so much other fantasy out there. witcher is just one of them#yes and that is the plan in 10 years time but#it's not just about reading for personal enjoyment but for what witcher deserves in the english language space now#the witcher series is about suffering but idk if its characters or IT ITSELF has suffered more#zoltan chivay voice 'there IS something like reciprocity after all'#witcher helped me so now i want to help it. i will not abandon you in your time of need !#maybe people know more about the witcher than i think and i've just been incredibly unlucky in my experiences but#people thinking there is only netflix and the third game maybe would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad#IV
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Please quote me accurately, thanks. "And leaving what in its place? That video does not address the concern at all; it dismisses it." "this comment is why I said "for someone who doesn’t understand what’s#being suggested and isn’t interested in developing that understanding"
"because this question does betray an profound unfamilarity with the topic at hand (and it's hostile).recognizing the problem in its infancy and tackling it there" The topic at hand is 'what would prison abolitionists propose we do with violent criminals.' (yes, those exist. Pareto's and all). And obviusly, I'm profoundly unfamiliar with it. Everyone is because prison abolitionists refuse to answer the goddamn question. I can't help being deeply unfamilar with the answer to the question everyone refuses to answer. (Though I'm curious - can you model someone who understands prison abolition and still disagrees with it? Actual prison abolition, not 'well, surely the [very horrible thing] type are an exception') I don't claim to be that person and as far as I can tell, we wouldn't be able to detect if they exist or not yet because in order for someone to understand the answer to the question, one actually has to be provided. You're answering 'how do we prevent' but the question is 'what do we do with'. Why? The hostility is frustration that everyone keeps doing the cup-of-peas game with the answer. It's in there, no, it's over there, etc. This is not my first time hearing about prison abolition. "violent crime is an exception, not the rule. the vast majority of crimes are desperation crimes. things like people stealing food an baby formula, selling drugs to pay for food and housing and school and baby formula, facing the consequences of criminalization. the basics of abolition are all about removing the causes of crime and decriminalizing desperation." Yes, of course violent crime is an exception! But non-violent crimes and crimes of desperation are boring, we can let them out right now and install food banks and UBI and such. You're deflecting onto non-violent crimes when the question is about violent crimes - why? Also, note that the crimes we see in our society are specifically the ones not deterred by police and prisons and the richer you are, the more you have to lose. And this doesn't explain, say, Madoff. To the extent that's true at all, it's true because we have police and prisons. "you need food so you steal some. now you have a record and can't get a job so you sell drugs. selling drugs criminalizes your life and puts you into proximity of other criminal acts, increasing the likelihood of facing violence like gun violence.
we give away free food and that entire chain disappears, all of the violence included. we live in a system of negative cascade effects. we are fully capable of creating positive cascade effects instead. we are fully capable of recognizing where small problems turn into bigger and bigger problems and heading that off before we get anywhere near large scale systemic violence. that's what abolition is about. heading antisociality off at the pass before it can escalate." Yeah, okay, what about the crimes that aren't desperation though?
"what we are leaving in place are far more complex and complete systems of social safety than guys with guns who throw people into locked rooms. it is food and healthcare and shelters and strong communities and children's rights and intergenerational bonds and places to go with resources to offer. it is a huge, all encompassing project to completely alter the ways in which we deal with problems. and the first piece of it is recognizing the problem in its infancy and tackling it there" You're still not answering my question though - which is: After prison abolition, what do we do with murderers and rapists? Yes, I totally agree on non-violent crimes. And nothing says police have to be routinely armed. You're answering how do we prevent but the question is what do we do with. Why are you dodging the question? Though note that it isn't 1 violent crime per 1 violent criminal. And jfc, you know why I'm hostile about this? Other than HAB, of course. Because if you can't articulate a simple solution, historically someone will do something about it if someone's going around being the utility monster.
Their ideas are likely to be a lot more hastier and a lot more permanent than ... well, I'm willing to bet that none of us (not you, not me, not @fierceawakening) would accept. This is how you get people killed at a rate far far far higher than the current solution as shit as it is. Look, even American prisons and police were the reform but you've got to come up with something better than this handwavy complex thing. Stand back and stand down is important. If you're going to abolish it, you damn well better have something that you can actually articulate for the first question everyone asks ready to go. It doesn't need to be detailed and airtight. But it does need to be somewhere between a child's drawing of a house and a blueprint.
Said this in a longer convo and thought it got at a point I’ve been struggling to make about “punishment should not be a part of morality” type claims I see on here:
Basically, I look at statements like, “if we were truly good we’d evolve past the desire to punish those who harm us and our loved ones” and think “every once in a while the left reinvents original sin and gives it a new name.”
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POST MORE SWORD OF FATE PLS IM BEGGING
i have very little in terms of actual art LMAO but i CAN explain the sword thing because i checked and i did in fact never make this plot point public. i struggled for a while with creating a villain for this story until i realized that. i put "sword" in the title of the game. of course it has to be about the fucking sword. DUH.
so i want SOF to deal very heavily with religion, specifically the way in which hyrule's religion forms post-sksw but pre-reincarnation. i've placed it on the timeline directly after sksw, making it the first actual reincarnation in hyrule. what this means is that there's no actual proof yet that the reincarnation thing is real and not just an insane bluff on demise's part, and so several key characters including link and zelda barely believe in hylia or demise at all when the story starts. my thought with this setting's version of ganon is that he's the polar opposite of the nonbelievers. The gerudo don't really exist as of now, but he DOES come from the desert region of hyrule--specifically, he was raised in a cultlike offshoot of the sheikah religion which interpreted the hylia/demise myth completely literally and believes that a doomsday is coming, heralded by the foretold return of demise. Because of this, he knows more about the cycle and how to set it in motion than basically any other character. Crucially, he and his people are some of the only ones at this point aware of the existence of the master sword.
ganon finds. a sword. a sword which he THINKS is the master sword. and this theory is only reinforced when the sword begins to speak to him about his destiny and the salvation of hyrule. unfortunately it is not the master sword and he ends up basically a pawn in the greater plans of what's left of demise & ghirahim within that sword, manipulated into attempting to revive demise and destroy the reincarnated hero and princess. he remains in denial until basically the very end of the final battle, completely convinced that he is the true savior of hyrule and LINK is the one being misled. ghirahim is a very good manipulator lol
#i know that the sword like dies with demise in sksw or whatever but this is my game and i can do whatever i want so ive decided it survives#because i need a plot device. ok. work with me here#asks#loz: sword of fate#anyway the religion thing is something that i really wanted to explore bc it fascinates me. bc obv in later cycles everyone believes#because they KNOW its true and have like. historical evidence of it. but what about the first few times it happened? post-sksw they had no#way of knowing if demise would make good on his promise or not. i can see belief vs nonbelief being a very strong dividing factor among#early hylians. its fascinating to me. lol#anyways zelda specifically fully believes that the hylia shit was made up by her great great grandparents or whatever as a power grab lmao#link is kinda like whatever. sure the goddess exists i guess ill pray to her sometimes but like did she actually found hyrule? probably not#and ganon and his people are HARDCORE believers. like to-the-letter. because of this they have one of the most historically accurate#accounts of hyrule's founding (which no one BELIEVES is accurate at this point. but it is) and have managed to hold onto records of both#the master sword and demise when society at large has basically either forgotten or decided to ignore them#wow. i forgot how fun sof is to write about. holy shit
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he is like a disney prince 2 me
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#obsessed w him#in my little au in my head he and ilya dated bc who am i if i do not ship my own tavs together...#canonically valentine d*es on the nautiloid (they were abducted together) and only ilya actually continues to do the ~*~story~*~#hes v fucked up abt it#they were gonna get married lmfao#they gave each other their heart chokers its all very gross and doomed lovey dovey#anyway i gave him some age lines but i think i need to bump the slider up a little more they are barely noticeable bc i was being a coward#mature catboy nation stand up!! where my kittens over 30???? (or whatever the half elf equivalent is)#they got canon cat-people in dnd? whats the aging like for them...someone make a race mod so i can be lore accurate
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man i wanna ramble about my fic to someone so much
into the tags i go
#minhmy rambles#I SAY THIS BC..... there are so many things im planning and writing and im always constantly second guessing myself and i am too much of#a coward to actually say something in the discord like asking for feedback or anything and god forbid i ask for it in the a/n of the fic#and like i have my best friend who loves the fic and i have them proofread it but they hadn't rly known the game much outside of Me#and they're currently going thru the game and its a fun fun fun time but also#bc theyre my best friend and supports me no matter what im like. but what if. the way i write is so ooc and you don't know it#even if ur going thru the game rn and still saying its in character and not ooc at all what if ur just biased to me and my fic and#see im a huge overthinker i am so anxious and insecure about everything and thats why loop and sif are like that in my fic which is why#its OOC...... ITS NOT!!!!! ITS NOT ACCURATE THERES NO WAY........#anyways . i love my friend very much but i would also love to have more ppl to talk about my fic with but also. i never shut up#and if i do its bc im overthinking interactions#so like if anyone. wants to talk to me about my fic 👉👈 pls hmu im probably never gonna make another post like this ever again#the horrifying ordeal of being known#it strikes again#if you also want to talk about isat too thats fine i like talking about isat a whole lot#i might even give spoilers for my fic or i might not#might just ask a bunch of questions like “does this make sense does this make sense does this make sense”#ANYWAYS. .. y'kno. yeha#aoyany fic talk
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hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3
oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3
i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.
because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/
...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.
however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?
( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )
or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?
i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.
but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.
and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.
ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.
i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.
( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )
got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.
idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.
in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.
thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.
tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.
miss you and love you. happy kyle week.
-uncle nina
#sorry this is such a mess#tldr i am busy and a little unstable and my writing has been blah but i'm very into intense world building rn#and i want to do more research and figure stuff out before i try to randomly dish out answers#but i'm thinking now that maybe i should just tell yall what i'm thinking and see how you feel? idk#i do work hard on my character stuff so i hope u enjoy it#but yeah high fantasy is specifically hard for me so i'm watchin movies and reading books and stuff which is dorky#accuracy means a lot to me and its the only way i get relaxed when i feel comfortable in my characters and worlds#political stuff and sciencey stuff is also hard#i also dont even know how accurate that is to the tfbw plotline in actual sp so im trying to watch the show and play#the games idk im worried none of this is canon enough#bc i dont want it to all be fart jokes and asisnine but i do want them to be accurate to the show at least a little#nina stop bastardizing the sp canon#otherwise i am excited to answer my kyle questions i promise i have just been frazzled ill try to do stuff tonight#thanks for sticking with me and i really hope this makes sense i feel like i sound crazy i just...want to do good work#thats all i dont like to do work that feels shitty or lazy and in order to not do that i take a while to think
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This will probably get looks from performative and ultimately harmful non-transfems despite my being transfem but-
Some y'alls only interaction with feminist history and theories, radical feminism regardless of its intersectionality and really any feminism deeper and louder and meaner than blatant choice feminism like the barbie movie and whatever TF taylor swift thinks shes got going on is through your occasional and short interactions with terfs and it shows. You call vagina art terfy and it fucking isnt. Its feminist art. Your brainrot is making you a fucking mra. The fact y'all think talking about the man vs bear situation is about/started/ran by terfs (and encouraged some really questionable other transfems shitting on it despite it clearly just being about women's safety and yes all men, not transphobia.), everything from questioning wether certain groups belong in our community to thinking a word is a slur or having a lesbian icon (I have sources don't test me) or not to not liking a certain band has been called "terf rhetoric". I'm all for us Transmascs talking about how terfs affect us cause they absolutely do and their harm to the transmasc community can not be understated but like.... Y'all are not allowed to call Jack shit terf rhetoric anymore. Like nothing. You don't know what it means, you litterally call transmedicalism and sysmedicalism terf rhetoric. Do you mean exclusionist? Say exclusionist. Terfs are not the end all be all hate group. They have a very specific complex mindset that affects so many people in specific ways. Someone hating Neopronouns is not fucking terf rhetoric. It's nbphobia. Holy fuck. Learn what words mean.
(intersectional trans radfems exist, radical feminism isn't terfs and swerfs and historical radfems would laugh in their faces for their idiocy)
#clover speaks#clover vents#hating bi lesbians is not terf rhetoric vagina art is not terf rhetoric medical sexism is not a terf topic#everytime you call some form or bigotry or some form of deep cut feminism you dont know shit about terf rhetoric#another trans person loses their wings#terfs harm people via certain avenues in specific ways#you've turned it into a fucking meaningless buzzword to decribe everything from opinions you dont like to actual bigotry#its basically gotten the exclusionist radical regressive gatekeep gaslight terreatmemt#words that mean very specific real things but gets so overused it means fuck all now#if your explanation for why something is supposed terf rhetoric is just something something splitting the community#something something exclusionary something something heard one say it once then you dont have the authority to fucking talk about it#I've been in the trenches fighting terfs and learning about their veiws and mindsets to accurately fight and rehabilite them#the hell they've actively put me and many other trans people through can not be understated#one called you a name one sent you a hate anon and sudeenly your the master of knowledge? gtfo#the specifics and deep rooted hate and history of that group is serious and every time you call some fucking#meaningless community discourse about if some inane insult is a slur like stupid or freak and call it terf rhetoric#you give terfs more fog to hide in you obscure the enemy that much more#you make it harder to find real actual terfs and their nazi friends when you call a fucking antikin a terf for being antikin#stop comparing other groups to terfs and heres a quick ajd easy way to identify if something is actually fucking terf rhetoric#dose the topic specifically talk about terfs or terfism or transmysogny/transandrophobia in the context of exclusionary radical feminism?#if the answer is yes then their might KEY WORD MIGHT be terf rhetoric involved.#if the answer is no then its not fucking terf rhetoric plain and fucking simple#find another buzzword milo because transmedicalism by definition cant BE FUCKING TRANS EXCLUSIONARY RADICAL FEMINIST RHETORIC#God this fucking community sometimes is so fucking exhausting#reminding me yet again that its mostly young and mostly people who lose their minds when i bring up terfs and racism#and yes you perisex afab trans person who thinks this isnt about you and the random shit youve false flagged as terfy#this is about you and your misusage of a serious allegation and association to falsely claim some terminally online take is terfy#You just make me hold my head in my hands and sigh really loud and try not to send you to the shadow realm#Not everything an alleged terf believes makes something terfism or terfy#please actually learn what words mean before you use them and make an ass of yourself called some tranfem exclusionist a fucking terf psyop
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#reading kim kitsuragi fics about his seolite heritage and. crying. (/positive)#wahhhh. wahhhhh. hes just like me for real.#anyway have been reading a bunch of#disco elly#fics recently and having a good time!! i need to write one immediately hffhh also i ADORE THE SKILLS!! SO MUCH!!#you may think my favorite character is kim. its true. BUT ALSO ITS ACTUALLY THE SKILLS. theyre funny silly :3#i loveee the skills so much and i need to play more of the game and memorize what each of them do so i can write them accurately#also people who rp as the skills on tumblr YOU ARE SO FUNNY AND I LOVE YOU. they are so interesting <33#i love them talking to each other!! i wish i could be a part of that but i think everyone is taken though. alas!#update: nevermind i solved it. i figured it out.#anyway topic at hand. kim brings me such joy. and as a seasian its;;; very poignant sometimes. important to me#born in america. but the asian heritage and all that comes with it stays. people will still assume. make comments.#asian american; a reconciliation with the self :'> stories where kim can have or navigate that are cathartic.#periodical life updates#I GUESS LMAO?#my favorite color is queue
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#there is a wide margin of interpretation you can take with Armand and I'd like ppl to understand that.#We just quite actually do not have all accurate or full information on him but what we have is enough to prove#he is capable and culpable of all the things he is shown and proven to have done#I think a lot of the writing this season also was intentionally meant to confuse and make you doubt what is happening there. like actually#where do the lies start?#Now are all of them equally valid? Absolutely not. But I'm not like going to judge heavily people who have a different one.#A lot of bad ones (poorly backed) I get where that conclusion gets drawn from and for me it's just kind of fun to theorize those things#People claiming it as the right interpretation are a little like... okay chill out. But I think there can be room for that.#That is unless your ideas somehow vindicate or paint him as somehow also a victim of Louis like wtf are you doing at that point don't defen#him the dude is a massive piece of shit let him be a piece of shit.#It also doesn't make much sense to make him some great mastermind or somehow winning over something he's clearly shown not wanting?#its easier for me to see him as someone who doesn't have very fixed intentions or judgements on anything#his moral compass is self serving even when those morals are aligned to good things or a desire to be good#like he can see something as bad even undesirable and still do it if it serves some larger or more stable benefit to him#with little regard for who gets hurt in the process and with low empathy to see they could be hurt by it#And thats the most consistent thing about him is he falls to whatever is most beneficial w/o regard to others even when regarding them#& those good things r performative even if he's not intending it to be when it aids in exploiting other peoples view of him to an advantage#Or like when he goes about hiding under that persona to meet bad ends intentionally. (These go back and forth)#and something something the purpose of a system is what is does#there's little point in getting into the intentions of Armand when he consistently fails to do what he's claiming be#Idk tho honestly might not post iwtv stuff for a while I'm tired#There's a an amount of interpretation you can take about any other character too just there is so much more speculation there than elsewher
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