#THIS IS A IMPULSE POST BUT. I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING
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Quote from a post: "the things created within fandom arenât real - an individual fic canât cause actual, material harm to a reader, even if it contains tropes that would be harmful or distressing if they happened in that readerâs real life; an authorâs use of certain tropes or interest in certain characters is not indicative of their actual morals and values in real life; thought crimes are not real crimes - but fanfiction is produced by human beings who are themselves products of the societies and communities in which we all live, and these societies and communities all have flaws and failings.
which is to say, those of us who prefer to read male friendships as romantic do need to be aware that, no matter how enlightened on gender and its foibles we think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless influenced as modern humans by a modern tendency to discourage platonic physical and emotional closeness between men - especially straight men - on the grounds that two men having this sort of relationship is inherently queer and, in being queer, implicitly sexual [an understanding of queerness which is another powerful societal influence on our thought, even if we know we donât agree with it.]"
Okay this is from a big post from a big fandom account here please don't speculate who it is this is not about them specifically and has nothing to do with them i genuinely respect this poster and they are nothing but a supportive space and don't have any anti-nonsense. But I wanna talk about this point that they are making "the society is queering straight friendships" which is something also the anti-fujoshi crowd is saying and honestly I can't agree with that point.
I don't think its us the people who make fandom are queering the relationships between two straight men but the patriarchal system we live under and straight men themselves are doing it to themselves. They can't show love and affection to each other lest other dudes will call them gay not because there are secret fujoshis around that sexualize them. They can be vulnerable period lest everyone calls them whiney like women. I feel like (and most of the things I say here are vibes, not facts) men having close friendships with other men are green flags, and most women are excited to see men who have exact the strong relationship that are portrayed in media.
I'm confused by this talking point to be honest. I also understand that by saying everything I said above I sort of said the same thing as the original poster. In a sense that society is the problem here and we live in a society as we know, but... idk I feel like what they say is "we live in a society where everyone by default is sexualizing male friendships" which sounds like the standard anti-fujoshi talking point to me.
And regarding the point of romantic relationships being prioritized over platonicâ I feel like is a complete bullshit to be honest.
Romantic relationships are prioritized over platonic ones across the board. Straight couples leave their straight friends behind when they get further into relationship too! I don't understand this impulse to constantly talk about romantic vs platonic thing when its about queer ships, and maybe there is somewhere straight ship discourse about romantic vs plantonic but its not as big as with mlm or wlw ships.
And honestly even with this take I feel like romantic relationships are also not prioritized but rather are more encouraged. And there is difference between encouraging and actually prioritizing I think.
(I want to add here that I'm not aroace so maybe its a blindspot and from that identitys point of view the dynamics might be different)
In reality I think both are equally hard to obtain and maintain. I always felt like the fandom being so shipping focused was not about people being hellbent on romance but just the fact that good love stories are few and far between both in fiction and IRL and we can't help but try to make something at least remotely good, or interesting or satisfying.
Again, my main problems is: 1) I don't agree that romantic relationships are prioritized to that high degree over the friendships like everyone claims. 2) I don't think that every single person is actually a secret fujoshi waiting to make any straight male friendship gay. 3) Fandoms are romantic ship centric because people just want more narratively satisfying romantic stories that are underrepresented in media (or they don't get to experience it IRL) rather than they are vehemently against platonic ships.
I don't know this hopefully came out coherent.
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The person who wrote that sounds like a pretentious twatwaffle, and I am so sick of seeing otherwise reasonable people spout that crap. That's been true since the 90s and probably before.
The reality is that Western culture enshrines male friendship as the highest form of affection possible. This goes back to the Classical world. And, yes, they were probably fucking too back then, but the thing that all of the media is about is friendship.
The entire backbone of Western culture is built on the idea that men are spiritually, biologically, inherently more capable than women of this highest form of relationship. Romance is the big thing for women because we're not eligible for The Pure And Holy Friendship Between Two Men.
The epidemic of male loneliness is real, but we haven't gotten any less "Bros before hos". Fandom and m/m shipping behavior are irrelevant to this.
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Furthermore, fandom has plenty of people who don't focus on shipping.
AO3 was built by slashers, so ship type is a top-level category, and the site obviously signals that it's about shipping and particularly non heterosexual shipping since you can filter out het.
Past sites often had more metadata that wasn't around ships (e.g. FFN's genres that work like bookstore genres) and almost never let you get rid of het. You might have been able to filter in The Gay, but straight stuff was literally unmarked.
~We do need to be aware of~
Bite me.
This naggy phrase is everywhere, and nothing good comes of it.
The only thing we need to be aware of is that Blorbo is great and s/he should be mashed together with Other Blorbo. If that's in gen adventures, you do you.
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Should I post on twitter ive been thinking about it for a couple of months now but I had such a vivid dream about it and now Iâm really considering it for realsies
#the last time I posted anything on twitter was in 2020#ok no I lied I actually made a post just now but its really stupid#wtf do you even put as a proper first post#do I just repost a drawing from here to there and say hi???#that sounds so awkward#Iâm definitely overthinking this into something more complicated than it should be#why has no one made a guide book to this I see so many of that with tumblr#I shouldâve taken Elon as a enough of a reason to stay away but THE IMPULSES#why am I even considering this when I canât even properly talk to people#Iâm probably deleting this later kshshfshf#I just needed to get my thoughts out
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Il y a les nuits oĂč il se rĂ©veille d'un cauchemar, le regard frĂ©nĂ©tique, les poings serrant les draps, soufflant Ă perdre haleine. Ces nuits-lĂ elle l'Ă©treint ; elle fait de petites bises sur son crĂąne ; avec son pouce elle caresse sa nuque couverte de sueur, tendue et tremblante. Quand il revient Ă lui-mĂȘme, elle le chevauche, appuyant fort sur son corps avec tout son poids ; elle prend son visage entre ses deux mains ; elle pousse son front contre le sien, en rĂ©pĂ©tant : "T'es Ă moi, Ă moi, Ă moi, Ă moi," jusqu'Ă ce qu'elle voie la chaleur dans son regard, jusqu'Ă ce qu'elle sente la rĂ©ponse de son corps sous elle.
Elle le nique vigoureusement, ces nuits-lĂ . Elle mord son Ă©paule sans qu'il doive lui en demander. Elle le fait crier son nom Ă elle, pour l'empĂȘcher de crier ceux de ses proches perdus. En lui coupant le souffler par amour, elle Ă©crase le souvenir de ce qui lâa fait par terreur. Leur sueur s'entremĂȘle, le stabilisant, le liant au prĂ©sent, Ă ce lieu, Ă elle. Quand il se rendort, Ă©puisĂ©, des fourmis dans les membres, son cĆur bat fort Ă cause de leur amour, leur amour et rien d'autre.
Dans la paix qui suit, elle passe les doigts le long des balafres sur le dos de son bien-aimé, écoute son haleine qui s'équilibre, se concentre sur sa propre sueur pendant qu'elle s'évapore dans l'air frais de la nuit.
#the completely nonsensical thought process that led to me writing this in french:#there aren't any english-language fics in the ao3 tag for the double yet (they're all in chinese). so i better not write in english either#can i write in chinese? no. so some other non-english non-chinese language will have to do#french it is!#the double#fic#my posts#french#umm apologies for any errors please point them out if you feel so inclined. i am sleep-deprived (<-as per uzh)#also if you don't speak french and run this through a translation site and it sounds terrible let's just say that's not my fault#let's say i did a great job and your translation service just could not to justice to the beauty of my prose#french continues to stymie me with its lack of a construction equivalent to 'see spot run'#you have to say 'see that spot is running' or 'see spot as he runs' or 'see the running of spot' or whatever#i never think about how much i rely on that construction until i need to say something in french and i can't#i also use the present participle way more than is usual in french so i have to restrain that impulse as well#f
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Question do yâall see evil potential in this guy, yes or no
(Quick Kagaya scribble)
#very impulsive post#asking for a friend (itâs me)#I need to know#thereâs SOMETHING abt him that just hdjdjdk#wanna put him in a test tube or science flask#study him all day#find the evil genes#I mean (SPOLIER INCOMINGânext tag)#HFJFJSL#AAA#screaming to myself#he IS relate to Muzan (distantly) and Muzan used his evil gene#whoâs to say Kagaya wonât/doesnât either#I want him to mansplain manipulate manslaughter#better yet gets his slayers to manslaughter#demonslaughter?#kny#demon slayer#octoâs art#coconut octo (mod talking)#kagaya ubuyashiki
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Actually the funniest example of Megatron apologism (neutral) I've seen is when people call it biased and rigged for Optimus to be the judge for Megatron's trial, but have nothing to say about the fact that Optimus let Megatron on the Lost Light AS CO-CAPTAIN which is ALSO incredibly rigged and biased and no one wanted it and Optimus barely had the authority to even do that.
It just seems like a case where people will always take the angle/interpretation that favors Megatron as a victim of Autobot eeeevillll, so they harp on how unfair it was for Megatron to be put on trial, but completely skirt over exactly how and why Megatron even got to serve parole/not rot in prison in the first place. I guess because it would disrupt the ever-present fan wank about how actually Megatron is being victimized for being put on trial and those Autobots are "just as bad" (lmao).
#squiggposting#i hate it too like#bc i DO see and agree with their takes to a point. about how the autobots arent all good#but their evidence is often cherrypicked and taken out of context. angled in the most biased way possible#it's like. bro i could've maybe agreed with you but your argument/evidence kind of sucks#you could make that argument much more compelling if you turned down the impulse to go cons good bots bad#also ppl seem to not understand that a character claiming something doesnt mean it's true#whether theyre deliberately lying or having a knee jerk reaction or not privy to key information#it's just. characters like megatron and prowl are literally known for being skilled with words/propaganda#or for being manipulative as fuck#you can't take things at face value that are spoken by notorious liars/manipulators/propagandists#especially ones like M and P who sre incredibly self righteous with no self awarenezs#but like back to the text of the post...what i mean is like#ppl will use OP putting M on trial as the judge as an example of his bias and M being victimized#but when an example of OP being biased in FAVOR of M comes up they barely give it credence#they only present the evidence that presents OP as some conniving evil bastard and M as a poor victim#in this context ppl need the evil autobots narrative so they only bring up the stuff that makes OP look bad and unsympathetic#do i need to pull out the mtmte receipts of M saying that being compared to OP is a compliment#or him saying that when OP hurts others he hurts himself
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not reblogging because i donât want to drag one specific person, but re: my last post, no, the blacks donât have the same conquerors parallels. more specifically, daemon isnât a visenya.
now, donât get me wrong, he has his own fucked-up psychosexual relationship with his brother (which i think is the most compelling part of him), but if anything heâs an anti-visenya. just because he wields dark sister and is a skilled warrior doesnât mean heâs like her. visenya wasnât a tantrum-thrower. visenya didnât run away across the sea. i donât think aegon i couldâve sent visenya away if he tried, and he never had cause to in the first place.
the difference between daemon and aemond is much more stark in my mind than a lot of people think, and it can be summed up by what alicent says to rhaenyra in ep 7: âwhere is duty? where is sacrifice?â. aemond is governed by duty and loyalty, daemon is governed by his own wants.
#hotd#greens <3#aemond targaryen#judith.txt#anti daemon targaryen#< just for people who donât want to see this kind of post#because again just because daemon isnât like visenya doesnât mean he isnât a fun character#i personally find him more interesting in the early episodes#when heâs being absolutely deranged re: viserys#but heâs much more capricious than both visenya and aemond#this is also why saying âaemond looks up to daemonâ gets on my nerves#sure he admires physical strength#but theyâre so different!#also âaemond is impulsiveâ gets on my nerves because we need to remember we see so little of him this season#and both times when he does something kind of stupid#ie the strong toast and chasing luke#it happens in extreme circumstances and under a lot of pressure#particularly the dinner - he took several more jokes and clear indications that jace & luke arenât really sorry#the pig was just the last straw
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yesterday at work, the kids had to like, make their own puzzles by drawing stuff on paper n then cutting them into pieces n stuff, n this one kid came up to me saying that the kid sitting next to him was saying mean things, n the second kid was like, "it wasn't me, it was him!" n pointed at the creature he'd drawn for his puzzle.
i didn't really know how to handle the situation (though thinking about it, i probably should have just said that just bc the creature was saying mean things abt his friend didn't mean he was in the right for passing on those thoughts), so i just told him i didn't want to solve his puzzle if the creature it featured was gong to be so mean to other people, and for some reason it worked??
i guess it's just easy to forget how deeply children care about what adults think bc of how we as adults have learned to not care so much abt what other people think and operate on the assumption that others don't automatically care abt our thoughts.
#the worm speaks#it felt difficult to handle in the moment bc i don't want to stifle children's compulsion to explore ideas n concepts through fiction#specifically bc fiction and fantasy are very harmless spaces; but obviously what was being made was being used as a vehicle to bully others#and that was absolutely in need of correcting#and i wasn't sure how to reprimand that w/o possibly teaching kids to conflate something bad happening in fantasy#with doing bad things to others in reality#anyway thinking abt it today when making this post helped me pinpoint how to handle it next time#i.e. that kids are agents in their own right and they have the choice to pass things on to others#whether that be something kind and true like compliments; or mean and vicious like bullying; or even literal germs and disease!!#anyway the second kid actually seemed really nice once i insisted that i didn't want to do his puzzle bc it featured something mean#n like obviously i didn't want to tell kids that the things they make up are automatically reflections of the kind of person THEY are#bc that's super not true!!! but i poked abt asking him a couple questions abt it n that's how he ended up telling me 'he told me to say it'#'he lives inside of my head' n i was like 'hmm.' bc he's pretty young... first grade i think? so maybe a reflection of meaner impulses#but i'm not him! i can't say that for certain! n i don't believe in making those kinds of assumptions about people#so i guess the way i handled it was basically saying i didn't want to interact w/people who are influenced by others to be mean#i guess i'm always expecting to be working w/teenagers who'd be like 'you don't get it! i'm gonna make my own choices!'#n i'd be like 'yep sure buddy i'm not gonna stop you! but i'm setting my boundaries right here'#i have a bit of beef with how some of my coworkers treat kids-- like none of them are outright cruel i think#but i don't think some of them are being genuinely responsible with how they interact. i think it's good that they all try to be nice#n some take that to mean 'treat them like your friends!' (proceeds to gaslight kids abt whether a certain snack was available)#(n when the kids called them out they were like 'we're teaching kids to think for themselves! n to be confident in their own experiences')#like. i don't think that picking out the snacks you like before feeding the kids is right. we are not kings; we are caretakers#n like i can see how that can be kind of a joke one might make in certain flavors of friend groups but like. certainly not to a child.#one plays obvious favorites; others place restrictions w/o explaining why they're there (bc they're obvious to adults)#n tbh i'm probably a headache myself bc i'm ~probably~ enabling kids in some way so i'm not gonna condemn the ones who#tell kids 'no you can't do that' w/o much explanation. n i think for the most part they're all trying#but i STILL disagree w/my now-gone supervisor who insisted that i treat kids the way i do 'bc it's in my nature/personality'#it most CERTAINLY is not!!!!! i was SUCH a hater of ANYONE younger than me for a LONG TIME growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i had to be TAUGHT these things. i had to LEARN to LISTEN to kids and take them seriously!!!!!!!!!#a kid on friday told me he had mixed feelings abt some of his older friends possibly becoming youth workers at the camp in the summer
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May I add: living with chronic anything.
Sometimes people with chronic conditions do everything they can to avoid making symptoms worse, or to manage their existing pain. Creams, meds, long medical treatments, etc. Sometimes it's long and monotonous, and people are still in pain afterwards. Sometimes it's more manageable.
Sometimes, people with chronic conditions might not want to do that. Sometimes they just want to carry on as they are. Maybe it's health risks, or monetary reasons, or it's just not worth it. Sometimes people just don't want to do it, full stop.
Chronic conditions are chronic for one reason: even if they come and go in bouts, even if they're "not that bad"... they don't go away. Sometimes they remain forever, sometimes they may go away. But either way, you will have them for a significant portion of time.
Some people have cures and medicine that helps them to live as uninterrupted as possible, some don't- whether it's access to funds to get it, or because there literally just isn't something like that out there in the world, or maybe it's too risky. Sometimes you can be cured of one thing and it causes another, or it can come back, or, even if your main symptoms are gone, you may be left permanently affected by what the condition did to your body.
Some people have low pain or needs- this doesn't mean they're "overreacting" or "being too dramatic". Pain, even on a low scale, can be absolutely debilitating over a prolonged period of time. Sometimes, medical specialists can get very temperamental over this- personally, my conditions always get missed on 95% tests even if the markers to indicate I have them are there, so the specialists are very reluctant to give me help at first because they don't understand how much my pain affects my life until I prove to them that that help supports me to try to carry on as best as possible. This meme pretty much sums it up (for those who are confused, Ï, or, pi, is a number that never ends- the calculation for it has been going on for hundreds upon hundreds of years and we're still nowhere near the end seemingly):
On the other hand, some people experience extremely high pain levels and/or are severely affected by their chronic conditions, so much so that it limits them from doing a majority, if not all, of their daily life activities. Some can manage with a carer or assistant, some cannot. That doesn't make them "useless" or "unworthy" or "lazy". They are valuable as all humans are to each other, no matter whether or not they can work "like everyone else" to fulfill that cruel, uncaring, devaluing shitshow of modern expectations of an adult or not. Human decency and care for each other shouldn't ever be associated in the slightest with output or ability.
Sometimes, people's conditions are "intrusive" and/or affect other people's lives (e.g. family becoming carers or assistants, needing more support, being unable to control impulses or body functions) and whilst, yes, sometimes they can take effort to deal with by people on the outside, the person themselves is not incontrol of their condition and complaining 24/7 about it to them will just make them feel like crap. Contrary to popular belief, many people with chronic conditions are actually extremely aware of the effect of their condition on themselves and especially others, and are constantly overcompensating for it and putting so much effort into dampening it down just to make it more "palatable" for others. You don't need to tell them what they already know- if something's really affecting you, maybe come up with a realistic way to help before you ream off about how much something they're having to deal with is annoying you.
Please, don't expect someone to move mountains if you're not going to give them the rope.
And the final point I'm going to make is... please, for the love of your own compassion, sometimes there are people who are tired of having to constantly have to avoid triggers or irritants (e.g. with skin conditions), and want to allow themselves some semblance of being able to live like fully non-chronically affected (i.e. not living with a chronic condition) people for a while.
Concern is a lovely thing to have, but sometimes, people just want to have a bit of a break, y'know? I understand if there's concern about someone continually, severely harming themselves with their actions (i.e. eating an allergen they're highly allergic to, or something that could seriously harm them long-term)- of course, speak to them or try to empathise with them and then bring up your concerns, or come up with something alternative for them.
But if it's a short-term thing? Just let me have this one thing, please- my mental health needs it too. Don't judge me for wanting to have one long night out even if I'm chronically exhausted or easily get overwhelmed. Don't judge me if I have chronic skin conditions but want to have one nice perfume or pretty bath even though I'll be barely able to tolerate clothes in the morning. Don't tell someone they're dumb because they want to take a walk even if they may not be able to keep moving for long. I, and they, can regulate ourselves- we know the risk vs. the reward and sometimes you just want to do "normal" things for once.
Just... please. We're not defined by our conditions, but it doesn't mean we're not constantly affected by them too. They're a part of us, they're not always a welcome part of us, but they're there and we have to deal with them. Just please don't forget: just because we seem happy or fine, doesn't mean we can't be in pain.
when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people
the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to
#stuff im nervous to write: a list.#1. autism/ocd tics. whenever it's mentioned irl ppl say âyou don't have tourette's(!!)â...no i dont! I'm talking about AUTISM/OCD tics đ« #2. âHigh-functioningâ (for lack of better term) characters that can't/don't want to mask. irl I'm scolded for âacting more autisticâ#2. and it hurts. first bc im not âactingâ it's just trying to let my body carry out all the random little impulses i get and also bc âmore#2. autisticâ (which isn't a great term anyway) is fucking cruel to use an insult. the people you think of as âmore autisticâ are people.#2. they gave thoughts and feeling too BC they're HUMAN. regardless of whether people know you're insulting them doesn't change what the#2. underlying message you're trying to say with that âmore autisticâ line.#3. autistics who react to stimuli in different ways. some ppl flap theur hands some dont. some vocalise but can control it some dont. some#3. have meltdowns and shutdowns and some dont. pls dont come to me and say âwait why couldn't [character] just say beforehand thatâ#3. they needed space or time out?â is an example. it's okay to be curious- good even. but framing your questions in a way as to#3. blame someone for their actions especially when sometimes things happen sudden or without warning.#4. long-term chronic things. e.g. depression- ppl say you must wanna not be here to be depressed.#4. well no actually depression can also be when you feel empty or like everything is shallow or you can't comtrol anything.#4. wanting to hurt yourself isn't a deciding factor of depression. sometimes you just feel... tired. like a cloud over your heart. for years#4. skin issues- irl ppl acting up when i use something that i know is going to irritate my skin. not bc they care it will hurt. but bc it's#4. their moral mighty high ground. i know it's obvious to avoid irritants. but sometimes idc bc I've gone over a decade without and i would#like to indulge myself in something as simple as a bubble bath or a nice fabric for ny clothes thank you very much.#4. chronic migraines- ppl when i tell them i have a headache: âagain!?!? ffs just take some medsâ me- âthanks đđŒâ#4. chronic anything tbh. sometimes when you've lived with something for long enough you want to have something nice once in a while#chronic illness#chronic pain#long post#chronic condition
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#pickle pontificates#i REALLY want to turn off asks for the first time since I started tumblr#I don't post donation posts or anything with a call to action really#i can think of one or two times where I've done it in the past and it was from people i knew#a) this blog is for archiving stuff I want to see later (whether that's memes or fandom stuff or references or art or my own thoughts)#and b) I have always been very strict about not reblogging guilt trippy stuff bc although I don't have a lot of followers#I refuse to put that kind of thing on them#I'm very good at refusing things when I need to and recognizing when I don't have the money or resources to help#but I still have to deal with the impulse to help or do something every time anyway#so I imagine it's much harder and feels much worse for people who are already in a worse place mentally#I do not have the ability or time to vet every one of these things that winds up in my inbox#and them saying they've been vetted by some other random tumblr i know nothing about means nothing to me#and even if I did so many of them have very intense wording#which would be reasonable for someone in a very intense and horrible situation#but is absolutely not something I will platform to my followers who are in situations I know nothing about#even more so because again. I can't vet anything#if someone has the time and money to help out with that then it is not difficult to find legitimate charities and campaigns#and I trust that they will do it#so anyway. I can keep deleting the asks just fine but it would be easier to close the ask box#I'm still living with the delusion that I'll get unhinged anons someday though and I don't want to cut them off#they would enrich my life#addendum: if I follow you and you reblog donation posts btw this is not an indictment of that#I'm curating my own experience but I think it's cool for people to vet and signal boost and help and all that
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Im super normal guys I know how to deal with emotions Im so calm I'm at peace
#I've gone from posting impulsive and exhausting things to Appearing Calm And Normal#plus Im not making false narratives of people and able to believe myself when I say its not purposeful#so thats evident of growth which is nice#but also AAAUUGGHGGGOUGHHH#I need this traumaversary to pass already I cannot be this pissed over something so tiny#The Horrors
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incoherent post, as always <3
will always be funny that i made a post about literally unaliving myself, and it flopped đ
#using âunaliveâ to trick my brain#itâs ironic#technically#when almost every thought is about that you gotta get creative#and âunaliveâ can never be taken seriously#whereas the other is too triggering#i also deleted said post bc it felt too âvulnerableâ#like yeah gwen iâd say a post about one of your worst nights in recent history is probably gonna be vulnerable#will probably delete this one too bc it feels dumb#like idk i donât really have a lot of places to talk about stuff#and iâm scared of telling my family the really tough shit#and it all comes down to being fiercely independent and not wanting anyone to help me#but also desperately needing someone to help me#and it takes a long time to unlearn that shit#so maybe iâm subconsciously asking via this blog or something#also half the time i donât remember posting certain stuff and i delete bc like yeah#or itâs impulsive or self sabotage etc#like the amount of stuff i hold back on bc it would definitely ruin my life is likeâŠa lot#i could impulsively ruin all my friendships forever but i wonât#iâll just wait for them to bored of me/leave me behind bc thereâs no room in their life for me anymore <3#could get back with my abusive ex bc i have probably worse self esteem than i did while dating her so itâs not gonna make much difference#could do with a thrill#and i think her being controlling and horrible to me would be fun for a hot minute#also the sex that makes me hate myself âđ»#maybe my hot girl summer can be me self sabotaging and destroying my life? âșïž
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How to Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3
Crazy how one impulsive post has quickly outshined every other post I have made on this blog. Anyway hereâs more to consider. Once again, I am recirculating tried-and-true writing advice that shouldnât have to compromise your author voice and isnât always applicable when the narrative demands otherwise.
Part 1
Part 2
1. Eliminating to-be verbs (passive voice)
Am/is/are/was/were are another type of filler that doesnât add anything to your sentences.
There were fireworks in the sky tonight. /// Fireworks glittered in the sky tonight.
My cat was chirping at the lights on the ceiling. /// My cat chirped at the lights on the ceiling.
She was standing /// She stood
He was running /// He ran
Also applicable in present tense, of which Iâve been stuck writing lately.
There are two fish-net goals on either end of the improvised field. /// Two fish-net goals mark either end of the improvised field.
For once, itâs a cloudless night. /// For once, the stars shine clear.
Sometimes the sentence needs a little finagling to remove the bad verb and sometimes you can let a couple remain if it sounds better with the cadence or syntax. Generally, theyâre not necessary and you wonât realize how strange it looks until you go back and delete them (it also helps shave off your word count).
Sometimes the to-be verb is necessary. You're writing in past-tense and must convey that.
He was running out of time does not have the same meaning as He ran out of time, and are not interchangeable. You'd have to change the entire sentence to something probably a lot wordier to escape the 'was'. To-be verbs are not the end of the world.
2. Putting character descriptors in the wrong place
I made a post already about motivated exposition, specifically about character descriptions and the mirror trope, saying character details in the wrong place can look odd and screw with the flow of the paragraph, especially if you throw in too many.
She ties her long, curly, brown tresses up in a messy bun. /// She ties her curls up in a messy brown bun. (bonus alliteration too)
Generally, I see this most often with hair, a terrible rule of threes. Eyes less so, but eyes have their own issue. Eye color gets repeated at an exhausting frequency. Whatever you have in your manuscript, you could probably delete 30-40% of the reminders that the love interest has baby blues and readers would be happy, especially if you use the same metaphor over and over again, like gemstones.
He rolled his bright, emerald eyes. /// He rolled his eyes, a vibrant green in the lamplight.
To me, one reads like you want to get the character description out as fast as possible, so the hand of the author comes in to wave and stop the story to give you the details. Fixing it, my way or another way, stands out less as exposition, which is what character descriptions boil down toïżœïżœïżœsomething the audience needs to know to appreciate and/or understand the story.
3. Lacking flow between sentences
Much like sentences that are all about the same length with little variety in syntax, sentences that follow each other like a grocery list or instruction manual instead of a proper narrative are difficult to find gripping.
Jack gets out a stock pot from the cupboard. He fills it with the tap and sets it on the stove. Then, he grabs russet potatoes and butter from the fridge. He leaves the butter out to soften, and sets the pot to boil. He then adds salt to the water.
From the cupboard, Jack drags a hefty stockpot. He fills it with the tap, adds salt to taste, and sets it on the stove.
Russet potatoes or yukon gold? Jack drums his fingers on the fridge door in thought. Russetâthatâs what the recipe calls for. He tosses the bag on the counter and the butter beside it to soften.
This is just one version of a possible edit to the first paragraph, not the end-all, be-all perfect reconstruction. Itâs not just about having transitions, like âthenâ, itâs about how one sentence flows into the next, and you can accomplish better flow in many different ways.
4. Getting too specific with movement.
I donât see this super often, but when it happens, it tends to be pretty bad. I think it happens because writers feel the need to overcompensate and over-clarify on whatâs happening. Remember: The more specific you get, the more your readers are going to wonder whatâs so important about these details. This is fiction, so every detail matters.
A ridiculous example:
Jack walks over to his closet. He kneels down at the shoe rack and tugs his running shoes free. He walks back to his desk chair, sits down, and ties the laces.
Unless tying his shoes is a monumental achievement for this character, all readers would need is:
Jack shoves on his running shoes.
*quick note: Do not add "down" after the following: Kneels, stoops, crouches, squats. The "down" is already implied in the verb.
This also happens with multiple movements in succession.
Beth enters the room and steps on her shoelace, nearly causing her to trip. She kneels and ties her shoes. She stands upright and keeps moving.
Or
Beth walks in and nearly trips over her shoelace. She sighs, reties it, and keeps moving.
Even then, unless Beth is a chronically clumsy character or this near-trip is a side effect of her being late or tired (i.e. meaningful), tripping over a shoelace is kind of boring if it does nothing for her character. Miles Moralesâ untied shoelaces are thematically part of his story.
Sometimes, over-describing a characterâs movement is meant to show how nervous they areâoverthinking everything theyâre doing, second-guessing themselves ad nauseam. Or theyâre autistic coded and this is how this character normally thinks as deeply methodical. Or, youâre trying to emphasize some mundanity about their life and doing it on purpose.
If youâre not writing something where the extra details service the character or the story at large, consider trimming it.
â
These are *suggestions* and writing is highly subjective. Hope this helps!
#writing#writing resources#writing advice#writing tips#writing a book#writing tools#writeblr#for beginners#story structure#book formatting
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In a long essay about the televised incident, Wheaton makes a lot of salient, emotionally vulnerable points about his reaction to Davidâs stunt, tying it in to memories of parental abuse he suffered as a kidâpointing out, among other things, that, within the agreed-upon fiction that we all adhere to pretty fervently around all things Muppet or Muppet-related, Elmo is a child. Writing, Wheaton notes that âElmo is an avatar for children all over the world. Children who are too small to understand Elmo is a puppet will know that a man attacked someone they love for no reason, and that will frighten and confuse them.â
Wil Wheaton condemns Larry David for his Elmo-based violence
This story is a week old, and has blown up today. The right wing smoothbrains are out in force, doing their usual thing, until they get distracted by the existence of a successful woman somewhere in the world and have to go rage against that.
I donât know why this is happening today. I donât know why right wing clout chasing incels have decided to make this their Thing today. Itâs all very confusing, especially a week after the fact.
But I want to put something here that I added to my post on Facebook, that those dudes (itâs always dudes whose entire personality is âMONSTER ENERGY DRINKS!â) need to hear but wonât understand:
A lot of us who had the same visceral reaction to a grown man putting his hands on a child (Elmo is 4 years old) in anger, without consent, and then laughing about it all share an experience that you should be grateful you don't share with us. And when you say your shitty little toxic and cruel thing, when you reduce the whole thing to a puppet and a joke, you're doing to us what the adults around us did when we were kids. And it hurts all over again. Are you really someone who wants to hurt another person simply because you can? Maybe take the impulse to be a jerk and redirect it into being grateful you have no idea why this is so upsetting to so many of us.
Larry David put his hands on another performer, without consent, in a segment he was not part of. That, alone, is not okay. It is not EVER okay. The fact that so many people donât get that, or are deliberately choosing NOT to get that, is telling.
But as I said, Elmo is a child, and he is a friend to children, so all the kids whose parents were watching the Today Show with them, because Elmo was on to talk about sharing big feelings and caring for your mental health, got to watch this man storm into a set, and angrily attack Elmo.
Thatâs indefensible behavior, and calling me names doesnât change that.
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I hate that you can't see a tweet thread anymore if you're not logged into Twitter (as a gesture of disrespect I refuse to call it by its rebranded name). Here is a copypasta of a thread from Dan Olson, a Canadian documentary filmmaker, expanding upon camera quality, the guilt trips Somerton used to goose his Patreon subscriptions, and how the best tools will never make up for lack of dedication or patience. I have added clarifications in [[double brackets]] where I feel it is necessary.
START OF THREAD
Okay, so, back in April I snapped at James in reply to a tweet that was linking to this video (which James has since delisted but not deleted) and I want to talk about the full context of that but I don't want to make a video, put your beatdown memes away. [[The video has since been deleted. I can see the title of the video is "Maybe the end (not an April Fool's Day thing".]]
The first bit of context is that I initially got keyed into James to fact-check his claims about indie filmmaking in Canada. As a filmmaker the entire Telos venture was immediately obvious as a juvenile fantasy dreamed up by someone with no idea how to make a movie.
Just wild claims about their plans that weren't worth debunking because they bordered Not Even Wrong. But in watching one of these pitch videos I noticed that he had a $4000 current-gen camera in the background as a prop, and that seemed both pretentious and weird.
You don't use your best camera as a prop, you use your second best camera as a prop. So being an obsessive weirdo I needed to know, and I watched his BTS stuff until I spotted his main rig, a $6000 camera with about $1000 in accessories.
Now, these in isolation are unremarkable because his Patreon at the time was bringing in ~$8000 per month, his channel was a full on Business business, and so investing in some professional equipment of that level is maybe a bit indulgent but justifiable.
What was weird is that he doesn't shoot multi-cam, doesn't shoot outdoors, doesn't shoot on location, and in a studio the two cameras kinda really step on each others' toes. Basically if you already have one and don't need a B cam there's no reason to get the other.
Again, on its own, this says nothing, it's just indicative of poor financial decisions, maybe impulsive purchasing, Gear Acquisition Syndrome. Biblical sins, but not crimes.
Paired with the constantly inflating fantasy scope of the Telos films it was clearly an expression of a very, very common bad filmmaker habit of "if I just get the right gear then my movie will basically make itself" Buying stuff because it feels like progress.
At the end of February he tweets "I want to start shooting anamorphic" and then three weeks later in March he posts the worst, out of focus, under-exposed "I just got a new lens!" video I've ever seen, showing off his trash-covered bedroom.
Based on what's available for his cameras and the lead time, that's enough time to get a Laowa Nanomorph or Sirui Saturn from B&H but not enough time to get a Great Joy from the UK or a Vazen from China. And with the flaring blah blah blah, $1300 lens.
Again, [gear acquisition syndrome] is not a crime and these lenses are budget options. Bit of a pointless impulse purchase since he only used it for the Showgirls video. But this is what he was doing just a few weeks before that above video came out: effortlessly impulse purchasing lenses.
James has (had?) a habit of regularly, aggressively driving viewers to Patreon by claiming that videos were getting demonetized. While tacky, it is something a lot of queer YouTubers have dealt with, so there's precedent there. But people were noticing he did it a lot.
Mid-March he humble brags about needing to work so hard to make 6 videos in April because he has over-booked sponsorships.
Then March 29th James posts this whole incel screed on Twitter about how sex work should be "subsidized as a mental health service."
[two image descriptions.
1. "For the majority of people sex (and human contact) can be imperative to a healthy state of mind. A kind and talented sex worker can make someone feel wanted for the first time in their life. I know sex workers who have pulled people back from suicide just by being there for them." 2. "Not only should (sex work) be legal, but it should be subsidized as a mental health service."]
He spends several days getting absolutely *roasted* for this, just dragged across the pavement and read for filth, and doubles down in the replies the whole way.
So this is the context immediately surrounding James waking up on Friday, and posts the above video and the below tweet.
[image description: "We just got the lowest Patreon payout we've gotten in well over a year. Like, a "maybe we need to rethink things" kind of amount... NOT an April Fools Day thing btw. But I don't know if we'll be making videos much longer."]
Now, this unfolds in kinda two directions. The first is that I'm convinced he was just lying about this income shock in the first place.
There's a million theoretical edge cases about what maybe happened and if maybe he just misunderstood the data or saw a glitch and panicked, maybe one of those happened, I don't believe it, I think he just lied because he was salty about getting dragged and felt owed a win.
A big tell to me is that he doesn't blame Patreon. He says he doesn't know what happened, but let's be real, Patreon screws up all the time, they're the first people anyone blames if anything confusing happens, just as a reflex action, even if it's completely not their fault.
The only reason to not blame Patreon is if you already know that it's not their fault and that any investigation on their part might reveal embarrassing details.
Instead he indirectly blames his viewers for not watching enough, not sharing enough, and not turning on auto-renew.
So regardless of the unknowable truth, this segues into the second, far more offensive direction of the messaging itself. "I don't know if we'll be making videos much longer." "Maybe the end" He explicitly framed this as an immediate existential threat to his channel.
In the video he is vague about everything, leaves a ton of hazy room for plausible deniability on how long the channel can keep going, but the messaging is "I need more patrons right this minute or my YouTube channel is over."
He repeatedly evokes all the "fun stuff" they had planned that would never see the light of day if this didn't turn around right away.
And his audience received this message loud and clear. Tons of people making far, far, far less than him left very heartfelt messages about digging a little deeper to subscribe or up their pledge or unsubscribe from other channels to move their pledge to his.
1200 new patrons in one day.
Since I simply don't believe the income shock was real in the first place that would put his post-"Maybe the end" Patreon income at around $10,000 per month. US. Add YouTube income, he's spent the last seven months making around $18,000 per month.
I have seen creators scale back their capabilities to the bone purely to keep making videos for the love of just, like, making stuff even as their funding evaporated and they needed to go back to a desk job to cover their bills.
You'd have to be so outstandingly reckless with your finances as a channel that a one month spook leads immediately to "channel over, sorry about all the fun stuff we won't get to do with you, our patrons, specifically because you, our patrons, aren't giving us enough money"
And not a spook where you then spend a couple weeks crunching numbers. Oh no. A shock so violent where less than two hours later you're weeping on camera about the channel being over.
Three weeks later he brought a brand new Sony FX6v for $8000 CAD to add to his pile of cinema cameras despite the fact that he was, but scant moments earlier, in such a precarious position that a single bad month would kill his channel.
He stole your money, and for that I'm profoundly sad and angry. That's why I snapped at him in April. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the full context then, and I'm sorry if that anger upset you.
END OF THREAD
#james somerton#dan olson#hbomberguy#jesus christ tumblr#it won't let me format things the way i want#because this website is sometimes a piece of shit
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In a world where capitalism hasn't ruined everything, this might not be bad.
Ai art gives people who have ideas, but not (yet) the skills to visualize or create the things they want a tool to do just that. A tool you can use to give form to complex ideas and at least approximate what you had in mind, to create a rough shape you can build upon. All the while, those making art can continue to do so, working on their craft and enjoying the process of creation.
However, capitalism exists. We need to pay a mandatory subscription fee on life. If you have a day job, you probably won't be able to create as much as you want to (I know I can't). So artists, who hone their skill through endless practice, who enjoy this practice and enjoy the process, need to be paid so they can be artists.
Ai art is a great tool. But it's currently being used in the most capitalistic way imaginable; to cut costs and replace human skill with cheap algorithms. It has been a tool for people to be creative with not too long ago, when it was still janky and weird. And it was great for it. Now that it has become "good enough" to pass the 0.5 seconds someone takes to look at a picture on their timeline, it's being used to make money. No matter that every ai piece I've seen so far falls completely apart under close scrutiny.
Ai art is a tool, just like the mechanical loom was just a tool. And just like the mechanical loom allowed factories to exploit unlearned workers instead of paying skilled weavers, ai generators will allow companies to cut costs by getting an intern to generate images and slap them together, instead of paying artists and designers.
Ai art generators will become another tool to just create Content. A product to sell. It makes it even more important, at least to me, to find enjoyment in the process more than in the end result of it. And to try and seek out art, from artists who enjoy the creation process and put a piece of themself into their art, to support them in what little ways one can.
I FUCKING TOLD YALL THIS SHIT WAS COMING AND YOU DIDNT BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#Ai art#support human artists#Go commission your local cryptid now#I need to get more Commissions#Is what I'd say#But I'm already spending way too much on art#I'm actually trying to cut my spending#But the moment I see an artist I like post their open for comms#Something in brain just short circuits and goes#Hnnggnggg gimme art#One day I'll learn better Impulse control#And to find a healthy balance#Until that day comes#I'll just have to take care I don't run I to the red
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A Good Girl's Reputation | Aemond Targaryen
Modern!Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader
Summary: It was the last place you wanted to be but nonetheless, you found yourself pulled along to a party you hosted by none other than the Targaryen's, only for spilled wine to force you into Aemond's shirt. A sight that had him dragging you to his bed, eager to corrupt the well-behaved girl who had set him ablaze with desire.
Word Count: 6.7k.
Warnings: MDNI 18+ only!! Oral (f receiving), unprotected P in V sex, dirty talk!!, a major cliche on the good girl trope, reader is shy!, slight degradation, mean friends at a party maybe?, Aegon being sneaky, bad language. Unedited. Please let me know if I missed anything!
Author's Note: Okay, I wasn't going to post this one because it was purely self-indulgent and I kinda wasn't happy with my pen game in this but I was feeling bad about the delay in Dark Cherry part 5 so wanted to share something!! I also love the idea of Aemond being totally feral about seeing reader in his clothes. Share your thoughts my loves, I'm more than happy to discuss things, thoughts and feedback with you all - xoxo, kisses!! <3
There was a nonsensical grandeur about everything that Jilly dragged you into. This time was no different and you silently waited for the sound of the elevator ding while listening to your best friend chatter about the âworldâs best fucking boyfriendâwait, do you think this makes him my boyfriend?â
âI donât know, Jilly,â you nibbled on your lip, craning your neck to look around the corner of the entrance hallway. For what reason, you werenât sure but there was a crawling nervousness on your skin and the urge to make sure there were no unexpected surprises was consuming. âItâs Aegon. Only he can answer that question for you.â
The elevator was taking an infuriatingly long time. You wondered if this was the buildingâs way of telling you to turn around and return to the dorm room that had become your safe haven over the last two years. Jilly had somehow gotten herself involved with none other than Aegon Targaryen, a man notorious for his partying and hedonism.
It was entertaining at first, and you were more than happy to remain a spectator of the ridiculous pairing. Jilly was entirely different to Aegon and tended to carry herself with a lot more modesty than Aegon was known for. She was calculating and calm where he was impulsive and excitable.Â
You thought back to the first time they had met. In a tutorial for a statistics class you needed to take to meet course requirements, the three of you paired together to facilitate a useless discussion on probabilities. The bickering between the two of them was amusing and the first greeting that Aegon had graced the two of you with was a grumbled âwhat kind of name is Jilly?â
And weeks later, Aegon had decided to hold another one of his campus-famous house parties. He had obviously invited Jillyâand by extension he had invited you because there was no chance Jilly would go to a party without you. In fact, before she had met Aegon, there was no chance Jilly would go to any party regardless.Â
A loud, excited hmph! fell from Jillyâs lips when the elevator doors finally opened. You had hoped it had broken down on its way to pick you up and that there was a rather convenient lack of staircase to climb instead.Â
âI donât thinkââ
âDonât say it,â Jilly held a hand in front of your face. She clicked on P with her other hand. For the penthouse, you guessed. âI know you donât want to be here. But we are going to have a good night.âÂ
You sighed, tugging the short, black skirt that Jilly had wrestled you into further down your thighs. It looked good paired with the white satin button down you had insisted on wearing for comfort but it was shorter than you were accustomed to. The thought of maintaining it enough so it didnât ride up past your bum was tiresome but there was no arguing which you could do to wiggle your way into some pants instead.Â
Jilly snickered. âQuit fiddling with your skirt, youâll poke a hole in your tightsâOh!â
The two of you shared a gasp when the doors opened. No wonder people had so much to say about the Targaryen siblings and their parties when their apartment looked like it was straight out of a Forbes magazine. For a moment, it seemed impossible that the apartment housed two students. It was incomparable to the wardrobe sized dorm you had been living in over the semester.Â
Distant chatter pulled you out of your thoughts and you followed Jilly further into the apartment, reminding yourself not to let your jaw drop as your eyes adjusted to the dimmed lighting. The party was an hour or so away from starting - Aegon had told everyone to head in after seven but had given Jilly an earlier time so that the two of you could join their pre-game.Â
Not that you would. The prospect of getting as drunk as Aegon planned at your (embarrassingly?) first student party was daunting.Â
Anxiously, you followed Jilly into the living area where a handful of familiar faces were lounging and drinking. There was a deep bumping of bass, and you could feel the floor vibrating with it, but you couldnât make out the song that was playing.Â
âJill!â Floris, Aegonâs friend who you had only ever seen on campus, pulled Jilly towards the nearest couch. Hesitantly, you followed, flashing Aegon and Cregan a purse-lipped smile as they made their way to greet you. ïżœïżœïżœWe were worried you wouldnât show up. Is this your friend?â
With a smile, you introduced yourself. Floris only grinned at you before returning her attention to Jilly, who had started up an animated conversation with Helaena. Aegon whistled at Jilly, tipping the neck of his beer in her direction as if to say hello, and threw his other arm around your shoulder.Â
He laughed when you cringed, pulling back from him slightly. Aegon smelled like a mixture of beer, red wine and sandalwood cologne. âWe placed bets on whether youâd show up. Glad you did. Thereâs multiple motherfuckers in here who owe me a silver stag each. Not that I need it.â
You spluttered a bit. âWhat-âÂ
âRelax,â Cregan teased you from the other side of Aegon. He was clearly drunk. âYouâre clearly not much of a party girl but that changes two-â he held up two fingers and then aggressively pointed them down at the floor with a jerk. â-night.âÂ
Aegon laughed, handing you a glass of wine which suddenly appeared in his hand. You shook your head and he shrugged, downing it himself. He turned away from you, waving someone down. âAemond!â
Oh gods, no.Â
You tried to keep your smile on your face. Aemond fucking Targaryen was leaning against a counter, a beer loosely hanging between his fingers. He was in the middle of a conversation with Criston Cole, a friend of their family who you had heard of only through mindless campus gossip. Aemond glanced toward Aegon in response, an eyebrow raised lazily.Â
If there were ever a man you had crushed on, it really had to be him. It was a little bit maddening because you were exactly like your peers in thinking Aemond may be the most attractive man youâd ever see in your lifetime. He was tall, had an air of darkness and mystery to him and his silver hair framed his defined cheekbones and sharp jawline perfectly. But it was the severity in everything about him that had caught your eyeâright from the first lecture you had seen him in.Â
Aemond, as you understood, had no idea who you were. And while you knew exactly who he was, it wasnât odd. Everyone knew of him and his family. He had practically been birthed into the public eye.Â
âThis pretty thing here,â Aegon, much to your protest, had pulled you across the room to introduce you. âJillyâs best friend. Much like you, dear brother, she hates parties and is not here by her own will. Youâd get along.â
Aemond looked at you and you suddenly had no idea what to do with yourself. You met his eye, fiddling with the hem of your skirt and waiting for whatever this moment was to end quickly. Your skin was tingling under his gaze which dropped from your head to your feet and then back to your face.Â
When he didnât say anything, you offered him a tight lipped smile and a timid wave. âHi?â
He was going to respond. You could see it in the way he had moved but Aegon was quick to cut him off, ever the loud mouthed brat. As subtle as Aegon believed himself to be, he was an incredibly obnoxious drunk. Â
âSurely,â Aegon drawled, wrapping his arms around Jillyâs waist when she appeared by your side and pulling her into him tightly. Mockingly, he targeted his question at Jilly but switched his gaze between her and Aemond. âYour little-good-girl friend could use a bit of corrupting, Jills. Seems like Aemond would be entirely capable, from what Floris hasââ
âThatâs enough, Aegon,â Aemondâs voice was smooth and darker than youâd expected. He gave you a small, reassuring yet tight smile. âDonât be an ass. Let her be.â
You were a little breathless. Sure, you didnât quite let go of yourself as much as everyone else did but you were no prude. Right?Â
There was no offence intended in Aegonâs teasing but you couldnât help but feel the sting. He was rightâyou were relatively good. All of your time and effort went into studying and working. Where you werenât doing either of those, you preferred the solitude of a good book at a quiet cafe. There were very few bad habits in your life, the worst of which would only be the likes of a dependence on tea or coffee. Parties were a rarity but on the odd occasion you would tag along wherever Jilly would go. And, regardless of that, here you were.
It was embarrassing. You had hoped that if you were to ever introduce yourself to Aemond, things would go slightly better than this and your uptight prudish reputation (which you didnât realise you had until today) would remain undiscussed. He was different and he didnât tend to spend his time with people of your tendencies. Aemond was the object of everyoneâs desires; if they didnât want to have him then they certainly wanted to be him.Â
You were clearly different from his normal type. If only for the fact that he also had a reputation and that reputation consisted of a string of heartbroken girls who he had never pursued or never shared more than his bed with. Those girls were a lot more like his friends; confident, daring and well accomplished. Aemond was not Aegon; there was a lot more respect in the way people spoke of him and his academic and professional talents were impressive to most people.Â
Thankfully, Jilly had pulled you away from that dreadful conversation with a harsh glare pointed at Aegon. The kitchen, which was the closest place for you to hide, was filled with snacks and drinks almost falling off of the countertops. You recognised Helaena, and waved at her.
Helaena had been a friend whenever you had bumped into each other. She was sweet and kind and you actually enjoyed her company. âItâs nice to see you, Helaena. Didnât think weâd ever run into each other at a house party but hey, itâs been an hour full of surprises.â
She laughed with you. There was an easy flow of conversation between the two of you and when Floris and Jilly had taken to what they called âKitchen Karaokeâ, you had even danced together. Jilly, as drunk as she was, pushed the bottle of wine in her hand to you, waiting for you to drink. With some encouragement from Helaena and Floris, you smiled and took a few sips.Â
The peace you had found in the kitchen was short lived and when Jilly, joined by Aegon and caught up in her exaggerated Lady Gaga performance, flung her arm out, the bottle of wine in her hand spilling right onto your chest and soaking through the white fabric of your shirt.Â
âShit,â she winced. It was cold and you had a small sense of panic that raised goosebumps on your skin at the thought of wearing a wet, stained shirt all night but at the drunken apologetic look on her face all you could do was force a smile. Jilly giggled nervously. âAt least it makes your tits look good.â
âRight,â you mumbled, fingers pulling the wet fabric off of your skin. It was uncomfortably sticking to your skin and the smell of the red wine was beginning to catch. âNo problem.â
Aegon tapped your shoulder gently and gave you an animated salute. âDonât worry, Iâll find you something from the fresh laundry.â
You followed him into the laundry, which was only just around the corner, waiting as he grinned and shuffled through the clothes that were sitting in the dryer. When Aegon turned to you, he had a stupid toothy smile and passed you a grey shirt. âWear that. Itâll be big but itâll still look good with the rest of your outfit if you tuck it in or something.â
The t-shirt Aegon handed you was a little long but you werenât going to complain when you were much happier to be in dry clothing. It was a Slipknot shirt, the graphic on the front slightly worn down with time and washes. You figured it could have been worseâat least Slipknot were good. Aegon had long gone, giving you privacy to change and when you stepped out of the laundry room, you were surprised to see that people had started piling into the apartment.Â
Some hip-hop song you could barely recognise played loudly and you were a little thrown off by the crowds of unfamiliar faces. But everyone was having a good time, smiling and dancing among themselves.Â
Cigarettes, cologne and coffee filled your senses and you let out a small yelp as you met with a hardened surface, stumbling a little to catch yourself. Aemondâs hands reached out to grab hold of your arms, holding you steady against him so that you wouldnât fall to the ground.Â
âEasy, missy,â he stepped back slightly, as if he were trying to get a good look at you. As Aemond dragged his gaze over you from head to toe, he smirked and hummed deeply.
The heat that rushed to your cheeks was quick and you wondered if Aemond had always smelled so delicious. Your mind was clouded by him and the way he didnât remove his hands from you, his fingers still gently squeezing your flesh and keeping you far closer to him than you needed to be.Â
Whatever it was, if he continued to look at you with so much intensity and hold you as if he didnât want to let go of you, there was a high chance youâd do something that would only leave you disappointed and embarrassed.Â
âSorry,â you squeaked, pulling away from him in one movement and rushing into the kitchen. Jilly grinned at you, eyebrows wagging exaggeratedly in her drunken state.Â
The rest of the girls had found their way to the kitchen, which had actually quietened down even more in the short moments you were away. You found yourself once again at Helaenaâs side, watching as Jilly danced with her bottle of wine in hand, and failing to listen to the conversation that was somehow still in flow.Â
If you were being honest, the party was a certain type of boring. There was a lot going on yet nothing at the same time and you chalked it up to the fact that you werenât that friendly with anyone here. Helaena was only part of the crowd because she lived here and Jilly was becoming a part of Aegonâs group of mates, all of whom you knew of but had no real friendship with.Â
Floris, who had been staring at you on and off since you had returned, took a sip of her drink and flashed you an odd look. âIs that Aemondâs shirt?â
Helaena giggled beside you, watching you keenly as you frowned. When you answered, Floris looked at you with narrowed eyes. You cleared your throat, nervously nibbling on your bottom lip. âI assumed it was Aegonâs since he gave it to me.â
âWhat was wrong with what you came in?â
âFloris, you saw that blouse get ruined,â Jilly rolled her eyes, stepping closer to you when she noticed the gentle alarm on your face. âShe couldnât have stayed in a stained top. It won't dry out until tomorrow.â
Floris only huffed, regarding you with a harsh stare and a forced shrug. There was an odd silence that lingered and you considered offering her an apology. But you quickly realised that you didnât really have anything to apologise for, even though it is probably Aemondâs t-shirt and it was no secret that Floris was all about Aemond.Â
The night was passing slowly and you continued to make small talk with the same few people you knew. But the weight of Florisâ glare never disappeared. And Aemond, with his gentle smirk and quiet confidence, had been lingering the entire night. You were half-certain that it was Floris who was the purpose of his prolonged presence in the kitchen, which had become somewhat of a break room for everyone at this point.
There was a pointed silence from him aside from the few words he had muttered in conversation with Helaena or Daeron yet his gaze was communicating more than his words could. Aemond kept looking towards you, his wanting eye holding yours assertively whenever youâd catch him watching you. You couldnât help the heat that crept up your neck at the way he looked you up and down at every chance he got.Â
It was suffocating when paired with the daggers you could feel from Florisâ stares and Aegonâs vexing grin.Â
âIâm going outside for a bit,â you told Helaena, placing your glass down on the counter and flashing a pursed-lip smile at whoever caught your eye on your way towards the terrace.Â
The journey to the terrace wasnât easy and you could feel your throat closing in as you tried to squeeze through crowds of people. It was sweaty and loud, shoulders knocking and elbows bumping as you finally pushed your way through to a secluded part of the terrace, sighing at the fresh air and solitude.Â
Once again, your peace didnât last long before you caught a flash of silver in your peripheral.Â
Aemond stood beside you, so close that your shoulder brushed the leather of his jacket. âYou alright?âÂ
His proximity had turned your brain silent and you simply nodded, forcing your eyelids not to flutter shut at his delicious smell. There was a comfortable silence that followed. He rested his elbows on the railing as you were, relaxing against it and watching the street below.Â
A tickle on your cheek from a loose strand of Aemondâs hair following the breeze woke you up from the haze you were entering. âNot enjoying the party?â
âI donât like parties,â he chuckled, reaching into his pocket.Â
You snickered, eyes trailing across his hands as he fiddled with a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Taking a moment to admire the way his rings complemented his nimble yet clearly strong fingers, you couldnât believe how attractive a manâs hands could be. âYouâre not like your brother, then. Thatâs goodâcouldnât handle having two Aegonâs about.â
Aemond shook his head, smiling as he held the box out to you. âThankfully my brother and I are not alike. Cig?â
âNot for me.â
He hummed, popping a cigarette between his lips and holding the lighter to it. âGood. Do you mind?â
You didnât have much else to say other than a shrug, letting him know it was alright for him to smoke. It would hardly be anything to complain about with the way Aemond seemed to look ten times sexier with a cigarette between his fingers and hanging from his lips.Â
âI guess your reputation isnât a lie,â Aemond let his eye fall to you, holding a world of darkness and sin as he smirked at you. A cheeky grin played on his lips as he turned to his side, resting on his arm and leaning back a bit to look at you better.Â
You swallowed thickly. A wave of heat to your core had you turning away from him, the intensity of how he looked at you like you were tempting all of his urges. âI just try to stay clear of bad habits. It doesnât really matter.â
âSo you are a good girl,â Aemond leaned closer, his fingers gently tipping your head upwards at your chin. He was closer than he was before you had blinked and all of your senses were overwhelmed by him. âI like that. I wonder if Aegon was right about us.â
Because of the way he was holding your chin, firmly and gently at the same time, you had no choice but to meet his gaze. Goosebumps arose on your skin and you shivered despite the burn of his fingers on your skin.Â
âLet me take you somewhere more comfortable,â Aemond drawled. The air grew charged when he grazed his lips against yours, so softly it was almost nonexistent. âThey all thought I would be the one to corrupt you but I can show you all the ways youâve corrupted my mind instead.â
The small gasp that fell from your lips made his jaw tick and he let go of your chin, dragging the knuckles of his fingers across your cheek affectionately.Â
You nodded and cleared your throat quietly, surprised at your own eagerness. âBut I donât understand.â
âI think you do,â Aemond gently lowered his hand to hold your hip, letting one last puff of smoke out before putting his cigarette out. He guided you inside, keeping you right in front of him and his free arm loosely extended in front of your body to stop people from pushing into you. His lips lingered at your ear all the while. âYou were already a pretty little thing, missy. But I never could have guessed that youâd be so fucking delicious in my clothes.âÂ
You were grateful that you werenât facing him. He couldnât see the flush that had crossed your expression and had you shying away gently but only to sink further against his chest as he led you through a quieter hallway. When Aemond pushed open the door to his bedroom, he finally noticed your dishevelled state and let out an affectionate huff.Â
Only letting go of you for a moment so that he could close the door behind him, Aemond had turned you to face him and pulled you back to your place against his body. His bedroom was pointedly his; neat and collected, the walls decorated with a few posters of the bands he likes and bookshelves that were almost filled entirely. It smelled like clean linen and his cologne.Â
âWait.â You remembered the girl who had been far more than unhappy to see you in his shirt and stiffened. âI thought you and Floris-â
âFloris and I are nothing,â Aemond was calm when he spoke, still watching you with that fierce desire that you had felt from him when you bumped into him earlier on. You swallowed down your apprehension visibly, avoiding eye contact. âI promise.â
Odd, considering you were well aware he didnât need to promise you anything.Â
Aemond watched your chest heave with your heavy breaths, covered entirely by his favourite t-shirt which draped perfectly from your breasts. A hand returned to your hip, squeezing lightly while the other rested at the crevice of your neck and shoulder, his fingers tickling your warm skin.Â
He pursed his lips, hyper aware of how tense you were in his hands. âTell me to stop and I will. We donât have to do anything you donât want. We can just chat and get to know each other.âÂ
âNo,â you shook your head.âI donât want you to stop.â
It was impossible to resist the way that Aemond was pulling you against him, as if you werenât close enough despite how you were pressed flush against him and the fabric of your clothing was all that could fit between the two of you. Gods, he smelled so good.Â
Confident with your reassurance, Aemond dipped his head so close to yours that you were sharing air, his smirk returned when he felt you shiver against him. âAre you nervous?âÂ
âI donât usually do this,â you muttered, eyelids fluttering shut when he brushed the tip of his nose against your cheek and pressed a featherlight kiss beside your lips, dragging them to your jaw when you instinctively moved to try catch his lips in the kiss you only now realised you were craving. But you failed and he cheekily worked away from your attempted kiss. His lips felt good on your skin and a soft gasp in his ear had him squeezing your hip harder. It reminded you what you were telling him. âWe technically just met.â
He never stopped placing the smallest of kisses along your jaw, moving them towards your neck. âTechnically?â
âWe have a couple lectures together.â
The thought that it was rather surprising that he had never noticed much of you crossed Aemondâs mind but when you let your hand fall to his chest, fisting the lapel of his jacket and tugging like you needed him more than oxygen, it disappeared into a haze of your perfume and warmth.Â
Aemond hummed as you noticed he did often. âDoes it count if I take you out the day after?â
âIâm sure it does,â you bit your lip to hide your smile, frowning when he pulled away from your neck. âBut only if you really wantââ
All your thoughts were lost when Aemond swallowed your words, his lips finding yours eagerly. You moaned against him, stiffening for a moment as your skin flushed under his touch but returning his vigour when he laced his fingers through your hair, holding it in a tight fist. It was a perfectly coordinated mess of tongue and teeth, and Aemond never once faltered in his fervour.Â
Blindly, you let him guide you to the bed, pulling him down without breaking the kiss when the edge of the bed hit the back of your legs.
In the soft glow of candlelight, the both of you were enveloped in a world of your own. The air was thick with anticipation as your bodies drew closer, the heat shared between you palpable. You tilted your head back, inviting his lips to trace a path along your neck, each kiss sending your blood rushing to your core.
âTell me what you want,â he murmured, his breath hot against your skin.
âEverything, Aemond.â
As his hands found their way under his shirt, fingers gliding over your soft skin, you let out a soft gasp, arching into him. His hands roamed freely, seeking out the warmth beneath the soft fabric, craving your skin against his own.
You felt the weight of him above you, powerful and intoxicating. With a careful urgency, Aemond sat back momentarily, pulling you with him so that he could reach to unclasp your bra. When you moved to take the shirt off with a soft smile, he stopped you.Â
âKeep it on,â Aemond placed a kiss to your clothed shoulder, running his hand across the side of your leg as he let you get rid of your bra underneath the shirt. He pulled your skirt and tights off with steady hands, humming appreciatively at the way your underwear peaked out from where the t-shirt had bunched at your hips. âI want you in my shirt only.â
You watched him, entranced, as he took in the sight of you and muttered under his breath about how perfect you were for him, his eye dark with longing. Aemond moved downwards, nestling himself comfortably between your legs, pressing soft kisses along your inner thighs, his mouth warm and inviting.Â
When you whined impatiently he smiled, a wicked glint in his eye, and returned to his explorations, kissing his way closer to your core. Aemond never took his eye off you and you could see him watching you from where he teasingly licked at the skin where your thigh met your covered womanhood. The tension in your core tightened and you jerked when he wrapped his lips around your clothed clit and sucked hard.Â
Strong hands held your hips down as he wrapped his arms around your thighs, fingers pressing into the flesh of your thighs. Again, you whined at him. âYouâre not very patient are you? Already so wet for me that I can taste your delicious pussy through the fabric. Tell me what you want.â
You propped yourself on your elbows, your arms quivering under your weight and breath hitching when you noticed his own clothes had been haphazardly taken off. Aemond was ridding you of your mind and he had barely done anything. âMore, Aemond. I want more.â
âMore what?â
âMore of you,â you whined again, mouth watering at the way he gazed at you from where he was nestled. âI want more of you.â
Aemond complied, pulling your panties off as soon as your hips had lifted on his command. He gave you a pointed look, scolding you gently when you gave him a shy whimper, moving to shut your legs so he couldnât see you spread for him.Â
âSpread your legs, pretty girl,â he let out a coarse breath when you wordlessly did as he said, baring yourself to him and gracing him with a sight more tempting than all the gold and jewels the world had to offer. Aemondâs hands guided your thighs apart encouragingly. âThatâs itâlittle bit more.â
His gentle commands were both exhilarating and daunting. The weight of his gaze was both thrilling and intimidating, sending heat rushing to your cheeks and your cunt and the chuckle coming from the man between your legs was enough to tell you that he had seen you clench around nothing.Â
Trailing his kisses from your knees and down your thighs once again, Aemond groaned, fisting the bottom of the shirt that rested against your raised thigh and licking a long stripe between your folds. It had you sucking in a breath, the sensation of his wet tongue suddenly exploring your cunt taking over every part of your mind and body, your fingers grasping at the sheets when he lapped at your clit and moaned into your wetness.
âGods, Aemond-â you made the prettiest noises but Aemondâs cock jumped at the way you said his name, giving him a newfound fervour as he ferociously sucked at your clit, flicking it with his tongue.Â
Nothing you had experienced with anyone had you trembling from sensitivity and pleasure so easily. His tongue and lips moved against you expertly and he let his arms wrap around your thighs as they rested against his shoulders, using his thumbs to spread you even more for him.Â
Spit mixed with your wetness, creating a slick that dripped from your cunt and tainted his chin and his cheeks but Aemond seemed only to revel in it. His cock grew painfully hard at the beautiful sounds you made and the sweet, slightly tart and metallic taste of you on his tongue.Â
At a particularly harsh suck on your clit, you jerked, legs clamping shut around Aemondâs head as you felt your orgasm building faster than you had expected. âAemond. Oh fuck, itâs good-â
âAre you going to come for me, missy?â Aemond asked and the vibrations of his voice while he continued to feast on you had you moaning out an incoherent answer. He was watching you as you nodded, head thrown back so all that he could see over your body and his t-shirt was your chin and glimpses of your blissful expression.Â
Shuddering and struggling to even your breathing, a heated pleasure took you with surprising intensity. Aemond continued to suck on you, delving into you with his tongue and teasing you with his fingers as he helped you through your orgasm, groaning at the way your body tensed and your pussy clenched.Â
Placing a final kiss on your clit with a cheeky grin, making his way up your body, enjoying the way you continued to tremble and whimper under his touch. He took a nipple into his mouth through the shirt, teasingly only giving it a moment of attention before his lips were back on yours.Â
Sharing the taste of you, Aemond kissed you hungrily despite having done the same within your folds only seconds ago. It was unbelievably hot in the room and you became dizzy with how your body gave into his, moulding against him perfectly as his hips found their place between your legs.Â
Aemondâs voice was dark and confident, dripping with lust.Â
But you salivated at the thought of taking him in your mouth and tried to push him back. âI want you in my mouth too.â
âNot tonight.â His hand found one of your breasts, touching you over the shirt. When you pouted at him, legs still jerking around his hips, Aemond softly moaned. âArenât you full of surprises? Good girl like you, so eager to suck me.â
Hot and heavy, Aemond grinded his cock against you, pressing it deliciously to your clit and then taking its place with his fingers. He wondered whether the pout on your lips would disappear when he pushed a digit into you, satisfied to see it fall away and be replaced with a furrow of your eyebrows and a silent gasp.Â
Keening at both his words and the way that Aemond slid another finger in and curled them inside you, searching for that spot that had your toes curling, you were increasingly desperate to taste him now that you had felt how hard and ready he was for you. âPlease, let me taste you.â
âYouâll have plenty of opportunities for that.â He sighed deeply when you moaned loudly, grasping at his shoulders and pressing your face into his neck. âI would kill to feel your pretty lips on my cock. Do you want to know what I think, missy?â
Aemond was intoxicating, sending your body into overdrive and your mind hazy with need. All you could do was nod, lost in the way he was perfectly bringing you to so much bliss.Â
âI think,â he purred. âThat Iâm going to make you mine. And that Iâll fuck the well-behaved girl right out of you in each and every shirt that I own.â
Gasping for air as he pushed himself into you, replacing his fingers with his cock, you clung to him as he stretched you out. There was a sharp sting from his size but it subsided quickly and you could feel the effects of Aemondâs cock in you all the way down your legs and to your toes.Â
Aemondâs breath hitched, his eye holding yours as he gave you time to adjust, jaw clenched and holding you tightly as if heâd fall to the pits of the hells if he were to let go of you.Â
For someone he had just met properly only hours ago, Aemond thought he had found his own heaven in you and your body.Â
You mewled, pushing your hips forward greedily. âIt feels so good-so good, Aemond.â
He slowly moved his hips, hissing and letting his forehead fall to your shoulder where he bit down gently. The way Aemond pushed deeper into you at every thrust forward stole your breath from your lungs each time. He felt like he was a virgin once again, feeling the comfort of a wet, hot cunt for the first time, losing the control he had over the urge to claim you properly and spill into you already.
Aemond was no stranger to the pleasures of the body but never had he fallen victim to weakness by a woman and Aemond was of half a mind to understand that he would do anything you asked of him simply because your bodies were a carnally perfect fit. Right now, he would burn down cities if you asked him to.Â
Keeping the steady pace, Aemondâs thrusts became more forceful, driving into you harder and drawing out nonsensical murmurs and whimpers from you. It was white-hot, each thrust sending a barrage of pleasure and sensitivity through your body.Â
âIf only they could see you now,â Aemondâs tone was deep, laced with lust and somewhat desperate as his hips snapped into you, the sound of skin against skin and his cock pushing lewd sounds from your wetness that couldnât be drowned out by the distant thump of the partyâs music. âThe perfect, innocent girl that they all believe you to be, squeezing my cock like a good little slut. Just for me.â
Blissful, incoherent sounds that he pulled from only spurred him on further and you could feel how his cock twitched and moved within you. The way that Aemondâs body fit with yours was perfect and it had that tension return to your stomach, your skin tingling and toes curling as he sped up his movements. It was blinding and deafening at the same time, stealing your breath from you each time he dragged his cock out only to push it back in.Â
Shaking and trembling, your legs squeezed around his hips and Aemond grunted, his head falling to your shoulder as he grabbed the flesh of your thigh and pushing it up and holding it beside you. Angling your hips perfectly, Aemondâs rough thrusts found a sensitive spot and you gasped, back arching off the bed as you gripped him tightly in your arms. You were barely of the right mind to notice him hiss when your nails scraped across his skin.Â
Aemond was convinced he had found a version of peace in your body, the feeling of your warmth and wetness squeezing him, quieting the loud, painful thoughts that never ceased in his mind. He swore, his voice constrained and his fingers digging further into your flesh. There wouldnât be a day that could go by in which he wouldnât be haunted by your perfect cunt and pretty sounds. It was a thought that would have had him scoffing in any other circumstances but he was so lost in you that he couldnât find it in himself to give a damn.Â
âYou are so fucking-â he groaned. âTight. Made to fit my cock perfectly.â
âAemond-â
He chuckled, enjoying the way his name was the only word you could force out between your moans. Aemondâs hips stuttered as you clamped down around him, your eyes rolling back and falling shut as you turned away from him reflexively, pressing your head into the pillow and whining pathetically.Â
âYes, missy?â Aemondâs voice was constricted but still smooth.Â
âGonna comeâIâm gonna come,â you gasped out between whimpers and moans, calling out his name as if he was your salvation.
Aemond let go of your thigh, his fingers clasping around your throat and squeezing the sides enough so that he could force your head out of the pillow. âLook at me when you come, pretty girl.â
When your eyes met his, you were surprised to see that his eyepatch hadnât been discarded but couldnât linger on the thought. Not with the way that overwhelming tension had become too much, coiling in your stomach and making you quiver underneath Aemondâs strong body, coming to its peak and snapping with an earth shattering, burning intensity that forced your entire world to go quiet.Â
With strained gasps, Aemondâs peak quickly followed yours and he pulled out, surprised to see how swiftly your hand replaced his. You felt the ropes of his hot seed fall onto your stomach, the warmth of his breath against your skin as he buried his face into your neck, heaving as he rode through the strength of his orgasm.Â
Strings of curses came from him as he let his body fall to the space beside you. Aemond barely wasted two seconds before pulling you into him so that your head rested against his chest as he held you against him. âYou okay?â
âYeah,â you smiled, letting yourself melt into him, too spent to spare a thought for the mess on your stomach. âBut I doubt Iâll be feeling so great tomorrow.â
A deep chuckle vibrated against your ear. âIâd apologise but Iâm afraid I wouldnât mean it.â
âCheeky.â
Aemond took a hold of your wrist when you slapped his chest gently, bringing your hand up to place a kiss on your knuckles before letting his hand fall to that spot on your hip. âI wasnât lying you know.â
âAbout?â You raised an eyebrow, craning your neck so that you could see his face without moving away from him.Â
âI will take you out.â Aemond grinned, squeezing your flesh playfully. âAnd I will fuck you in every single one of my t-shirts.â
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