#THIS FEEL SURFACE LEVEL BUT ALSO INSIDE JOKES HELP ME

[mabaki]

Yeah, that meme Cairadin @floral-necromaniac

and then i released it to the wild discord servers and got back...

I fucking love you guys oh my god you know who- you know what im tagging y'all LMAO

Tit, Mbk himself, Onlyhands 'who tf r u': @vitaeplaysgw2

cabbage: Hel (no tubml awh)

Ham: @zlidestuff but they also put the pilow but pillow by @the-skrool the art on pillow by Fenrilia ofc cuz its his waifu :ramblerambleramble:

Maweenie placed by @creativebrainrot (Theryn), maweenie art by @shroomlet

Cigarette: Theryn

White to black turtleneck: @fern-hounds

Black to black turtleneck Theryn

Peitha Smash: VITAEEEEE HAHAHAHHASLKFJlkjsdflkj

[inkdrinkerworld]

may i request reverse comfort with dick grayson??

or something where he takes care of reader and protects them.

Oh oh I have a thought!!! Dick x shy Team doctor!reader after an attack at the compound.

“It’s never this way round,” Dick says as he ushers you to the medical room with a hand firmly pressed to your thigh.

“No,” your teeth are gritted and you can feel your pulse hammering and the blood rushing through your head.

“On a scale of one to amputation, how bad is it?” He asks and you scoff, a sound that quickly turns into a gasp as Dick sets you on the work table.

“Like a six, Dick. It’s mostly surface level.” You say, teeth still gritted as you move his hand and take a peek at the wound. “Okay, maybe a little deeper than surface.”

Dick looks piqued. There’s a wrinkle between his eyebrows and his usual quick witted quips fall short. “Deep enough for needles or butterfly stitches?” There’s a hint of panic in his words if you listen closely. Which you aren’t doing.

“Needles just to be safe,” Dick hands you a pack of them and a pair of scissors, a grimace set on his face. “You don’t have to stay for this. I can stitch myself up.”

He shakes his head. “You got laser-beamed in your thigh because you were trying to get between me and Darkseid- that was stupid by the way.”

You shrug, “What was he even doing here? Thought he was more of Clark’s problem?”

He bats your hand away from your thigh and grabs gauze and some rubbing alcohol. “He is, but you know, one member of the Justice League’s problem is a problem for all of them.”

You hiss when he presses the cold gauze into your thigh and he murmurs a soft apology.

“Will he be back?” Dick thinks your adrenaline is just coming down and you’re starting to think a little clearer. It also lends to the fear bleeding into your words.

“Probably, but you won’t be here when he does, gorgeous.”

You frown, “I won’t?” Maybe it’s the way you ask, that soft insecurity in your tone that makes Dick pause.

“Hey, not like that. The Bat has a million safe houses, so do I. You can choose where you want to go, yeah?”

Your frown doesn’t move an inch. “How safe would I be in a place with no one else? What if it’s compromised and I’m there alone.”

Dick sets the gauze down and takes the tools from your hands. His fingers push your hair away from your face and stroke your cheeks. “Hey, hey. You’re snowballing, baby.”

You take a deep breath and sag against him. “I just,” you pause. “I don’t want to be somewhere new all alone.” He rubs your back and squeezes your shoulders before sitting on your rolling chair.

Dick threads the needle as he sits and makes full eye contact with you as he starts the stitch. “You won’t be alone,”

You shake your head, leaning back on your palms. “A house full of people I don’t know? I’ll be alone, Dick.”

He shakes his head, “I’ll come with you, if you want.” He knows this could all just be fear, that the fear of something worse happening is running circles in your mind right now, but he does mean it. “It’ll help us get closer.” The joke does its job in making you smile- especially when his eyebrows dance.

You watch him close the hole on your thigh in silence for a little while before saying, “Will you bring your movies?”

Dick’s smile is gargantuan as he closes off the stitch. “And whatever else you want me to, but I should tell you I feel offended that you don’t think my sparkling personality would be enough entertainment.”

“I never said that,” you slap his arm as he stands, watching as he reaches for a gauze pad to wrap over the wound.

Dick’s hands settle at your waist, “I’m serious about you getting in front of me being dumb. You can’t do that again,” his eyes are all serious as he looks at you and you realise then that he’d actually been terrified. “I can take a hit, yeah?”

You nod, chewing the inside of your cheek to stop from saying something silly. Like confessing your love for him when it could be dismissed as your adrenaline. Or knowing Dick, he wouldn’t stop teasing you ever about how you confessed after he played doctor and it was a violation of patient doctor relationship rules.

“Not that there’s ever going to be a time where you get the chance to do it again.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll make some time to teach you some hand to hand combat if you insist on being part time vigilante though.”

“With who?” If he says himself you’re going to go ablaze. You really are.

He saves you the real embarrassment by flashing you a smug grin but all it does it twist your belly up in knots and make your chest squeeze at how much you like him.

“Wanna tell me what to pack or are we not there yet?” You laugh then, a soft sound that makes Dick feel like he’d just found out the best cyber related information.

“We aren’t there, Dick. But help me down and I’ll show you to my stash of cookies- if they’re not blown to bits.”

[polkadotpenguin16]

The Five Stages of Grief: Prologue

Broken promises and unspoken words bring your relationship with Sonny Carisi to the edge. You both mourn what was lost and wonder if you can find each other again.

A/N: waaaay back in like March, I came to @misscharlielulu with a silly headcanon, and she helped evolve it into a full-fledged story. Massive shout-out to @escapingrealtiylovinginsanity who so kindly reviewed my drafts and gave me excellent notes. Extra huge thank you to both these lovelies <3

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x female reader

Tags: much angst; super brief mention of SVU-related violence; anti-Rollisi content; I am not a writer - this is literally the first story I’ve ever written, so read at your own risk

Word count: 3K+ (I know it’s long, I’m sorry!)

This was it – tonight was finally date night. It was long overdue. Two months and five days to be exact. Whenever you and Sonny tried making plans to spend some quality time together, things just never worked out. The first night, you two were supposed to see a movie and get some gelato. Sonny called around noon saying he wouldn’t be back in time. “No big deal,” you told him. You wanted to make him feel better since you knew he felt bad about canceling. The second night, you were going to try a new Chinese restaurant that opened near the Brooklyn apartment you shared. You had almost finished your makeup when he called to say a case just came in and it was all hands on deck.

“I’m sorry, doll. I know I’m letting you down again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sonny.” You tried to keep your voice light. You didn’t want him to hear how disappointed you were. “You’ve got people who need your help. I get it. Your job’s more important than some greasy Chinese food.”

“It’s not more important than you.” You believed him, although a small part of you was beginning to have doubts. “I’m gonna make this up to you, I swear to God.”

Tonight was attempt number three, and he wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to make it up to you. He made reservations at a very nice restaurant in Midtown. “Only the best for my girl,” he told you earlier this week. “And I wanna see you in that red dress I love.”

That’s exactly what you were wearing. A velvet, off-the-shoulder dress with a skirt that whimsically twirled as you moved. You spent more than an hour curling your hair and putting on your makeup. You felt like a million bucks and couldn’t wait for him to see you.

You sat in a cushy booth, nursing a glass of rosé while waiting for Sonny to arrive. You really needed this time with him, and you were sure he felt the same way. Your paths had barely crossed recently between his late nights and early mornings. During the few moments you were able to connect, you noticed how distant he was. His furrowed brow was becoming a permanent fixture on his face. You were worried about him, afraid he was spreading himself too thin. His job seemed to be taking a toll on him.

That’s actually how you met. You were a receptionist at a small bank, and he showed up one day to interview your colleague. When he came back a week later for a follow-up, he asked you out for coffee. You knew the broad strokes of the kinds of cases he investigated, but anything he shared with you was surface-level. He told you he felt fulfilled helping the victims. He had gone to law school and passed the bar to become a better cop. He liked his colleagues: his lieutenant, the ADA, but especially his partner, Amanda.

From the few times you’d met, it was easy to see why Sonny was so fond of her. He told you she was one of the best detectives he’d ever worked with. She spoke very intelligently about her work. Her southern accent made her voice incredibly engaging, even if you didn’t completely understand the intricacies of the conversation. She was impressively quick-witted. She and Sonny were always cracking inside jokes that flew over your head. She was also very beautiful. Stunningly tall and her blonde hair was always perfectly primped.

Sonny also told you she was a single mother who didn’t have any support system here in New York, which is why he tried to help her out as much as he could. He’d offer to watch her kids or help her with errands. They often went out for drinks after they’d closed a case, whether it be a good one or bad one.  Sonny and Amanda were exceptionally close…

And you would be lying if you said that didn’t make you feel insecure. You and Sonny would be having dinner together and he would be texting her on his phone, focused on a completely different conversation. She’d call evenings and weekends needing help and he’d drop everything to assist.

It made you feel inadequate.

You felt like you weren’t interesting enough to keep his attention. Weren’t smart enough to talk with him about his work. He didn’t trust you enough to confide in. Not like he did Amanda. All the things you felt like you lacked, you saw in her. Not that you would ever mention any of this to Sonny. How could you? She was his partner, his friend.

Best friend.

No one likes a jealous girlfriend. No, this was a “you” problem to sort out. You should just enjoy whatever time with him you have. Like tonight.

You took a break from picking apart your sourdough roll to check the time. 7:45. You tried not to worry – it wasn’t unlike Sonny to be a little late. You decided to wait a little longer before checking in. You didn’t want to nag.

8 o’clock rolled around and you couldn’t help it any longer, so you decided to shoot him a text.

Hi sunshine, let me know when you’re on your way :)

Another 30 minutes passed when your game of Candy Crush was interrupted by his reply.

Hey doll, I’m gonna be home late. I’m taking Rollins home and helping her get the kids in bed. You don’t have to wait up for me, I’ll see you in the morning.

You read the text again, and one more time to be certain. Because you must’ve been mistaken. He couldn’t have forgotten tonight, and he would never stand you up. Date nights were so important to Sonny. He used to text you all day about how excited he was, and he’d always show up early because he couldn’t wait to see you. Yet here you were. He ditched you for Amanda.

Again.

You asked the waiter to bring you the check for the drink you had. Utterly sick to your stomach, there was no way you would be ordering anything to eat, no matter how good the place smelled. You held back your tears and walked out of the restaurant to go home.

You kicked off your shoes when you arrived, then walked into the bathroom. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and paused. You saw your hair that you’d done up so nicely, your makeup that you spent so long trying to get just right, and your dress…that goddamn red dress.

You finally let yourself cry. The tears came hard and fast. You not-so-gracefully wiggled your dress off. It felt like you were in a straitjacket. Once you managed to get it unfastened, you chucked it into the hallway. You collapsed on the floor, overwhelmed by all the emotions you’d been holding back.

Disappointment, anger, betrayal. But more than anything, loneliness. And honestly, you’ve felt alone for a while. So many questions were floating in your head. Did he still love me? Did he ever? Or was Amanda always there between you? Did he…did he love her?

Your body began to shake. You were confronted by all the insecurities you’d been repressing. The walls of the bathroom felt like they were closing in. It was suffocating. The air was wrenched from your lungs as they squeezed tighter and tighter around you. You needed to get out of there.

You shakily stood up and started pacing frantically around your apartment. When you made it to the living room, you stopped in front of the fireplace. On the mantle were a dozen or so framed photos. Some of just you Sonny had taken, but most with both of you. At the park, at an Islander’s game, and your first anniversary. Seeing all these memories made you grieve the relationship you thought you had had.

Was it all a lie?

You weren’t sure anymore but knew you wouldn’t be able to figure anything out while in that apartment.

Through your tears, you scroll through your phone to find your best friend’s number. It was late, but she was a night owl, you knew she’d answer.

“What’s up, girlfriend?” You could hear her munching on chips and what sounded like a Star Wars movie playing in the background.

“Um, hey…” You tried to keep your voice even, but she saw right through it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She knew you too well.

“Nothing, I-I just…I hate to even ask…can I stay at your place?”

“Of course you can,” she soothed immediately. “You always have a place here. What’s going on?”

The story came out in a depressing, uninterrupted stream. You thought you’d feel lighter getting everything off your chest, but you didn’t.

“Oh, my God, that’s…wow.” You heard the shock at how Sonny had been acting turn into a sympathetic wince. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

“I don’t even know what to do anymore,” you muttered, fighting back your tears.

“You’re coming over here and we’ll sort things out. Want me to pick you up?”

“No, I can get a ride. Just…thank you.”

“None needed, you’d do the same for me.”

You pulled your duffel bag out of the closet and started chaotically packing. Grabbing things haphazardly off the bathroom counter. Pulling clothes out of drawers without paying attention to whether they matched. You didn’t care. You needed to put distance between you and that apartment so you could clear your mind and think about the future of your relationship.

Sonny was starting to get a little worried. He hadn’t heard from you since his last text, which you didn’t respond to. He always worried about you, but this was different. Stirring a pot of marinara with one hand, he pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other.

He just had to check one more time.

He was interrupted by two tiny, blonde tornadoes running laps around his legs. He had to admit that while Rollins’ girls were adorable, they could be a bit distracting. He sat his phone down and playfully chased them back into their room so he could get back to finishing dinner. He didn't even think about it again until after they finished eating. By then, it was too late to call since you were probably sleeping.

It had been such a long day. He was up before 5 and didn’t clock out until nearly 8. They’d been working on a difficult case that left the team feeling torn. A little boy disappeared in the night, kidnapped by his nanny. Once they found him, it sadly appeared that the boy would’ve been better off with his kidnapper than his irresponsible parents. As everyone left, he noticed something was up with Rollins. When probed, she said that the case had gotten to her. She was having doubts about whether she was a good enough mother and if she could take care of her kids alone. So, he offered to give her a ride and cook dinner for them. How could she say no to that?

He thought Rollins was a great partner and admired her. When he first joined, he even had a crush on her. However, she made it clear she was not interested. He had since moved on from those feelings. He still cared about her, but in a brotherly way. She didn’t come from a tight-knit family like him. His Italian genes wouldn’t let him sit back and not help when he saw her struggle. That was Sonny’s job: helping people and fixing things.

After herding the girls into bed and making sure Rollins ate, he made his way home. He could barely keep his eyes open as he drove. God, was he tired. Not just from today. They’d been understaffed for months, so he’d been picking up extra shifts. Between the mandatory overtime, dealing with his sisters, and trying to support Rollins, he felt like he didn’t have much left to give. The only thing keeping him going was you. He couldn’t wait to lay in bed and cuddle up beside you. Somehow you made all the bad things in the world right. You didn’t even have to do anything. Your presence was enough to chase away the demons that haunted him.

He quietly closed the front door to not wake you. He heard rustling coming from the bedroom. Looking down the hall, he saw light peering from the ajar door. You must’ve been awake. He was delighted he would have a few minutes to chat with you before falling asleep. Walking down the hallway, he noticed a small pile of red fabric on the floor. Confused but too tired to care, he walked past it to the bedroom. Opening the door, he saw you rummaging through the closet.

“Hey, doll, glad you’re still up,” he mumbled. He then noticed the half-filled duffel bag in the middle of the room. “What’s with the bag? Going on a trip?” He asked with a chuckle.

You hesitated for a second before turning to face him. His stomach immediately dropped when he saw your eyes were rimmed with red, and mascara was streaking down your cheeks. It was clear you’d been crying.

“Oh, my god, what happened?” He quickly approached you to check if you were alright.

You dodged his advance and returned to packing, leaving Sonny puzzled. He paused to take stock of the situation in front of him. He didn’t see any blood or bruises, so you probably weren’t hurt. You were obviously upset about something. Was it because he came home late? And why were you packing a bag at this hour…

It finally clicked what was happening and alarm bells went off in his head.

“Hey, slow down!” He started taking things out of your bag. “Look, I’m sorry I was home late. Rollins—she was having a hard time, and I was trying to help—”

Without acknowledging him, you picked the bag off the floor and moved it to the bed, out of his reach. You didn’t want to hear excuses, nor did you want to hear about that woman. The air in the room felt painfully thick, making it hard to breathe. You wanted to get out of there, to clear your mind.

Sonny’s confusion spiraled into irritation. He was practically dead on his feet. The last thing he wanted was to deal with you having some kind of tantrum. “Come on, doll, aren’t you being a bit dramatic here?”

You finally stopped and stared him straight in the eye. “Well,” your voice was deceptively calm, “getting stood up by your boyfriend can have that effect on you.”

“Stood up? What’re you talking—”

Date night. Shit. The reservations. Oh SHIT. The red dress in the hallway…

His eyes went big, and his heart hit the floor. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry—”

You felt tears starting to well up again. You bit your lower lip and went back to packing.

Sonny just stood there, rubbing the back of his neck. His first instinct was to go and touch you, but he knew better than to do that right now. He just wanted to hold you. To make all this go away. He hated seeing you cry, and knowing he was the reason? He wanted to puke. If he could just get you to listen, he could fix this.

“What’re doing? Doll, please stop,” he frantically asked.

“I’m going to my friend’s place.” You didn’t even look up. “I’m tired of being an afterthought, Sonny. I need some time to think.”

“Think about what? Sweetheart, please just talk to me.” He was grasping at straws trying to get you stop. “I-I’m sorry, just—I can fix this—will you please just stop for a second—"

But you weren’t stopping, and he was getting frustrated. Why wouldn’t you just talk to him?

“So that’s it then. You’re solving this by walking out on me?” He accused with venom in his voice. “If I hadn’t come home just now, you wouldn’t even be here!” His arms started flailing and his voice got louder and louder with each word. “Is that all this relationship meant to you? That you’d just pick up and leave after a mistake? No discussion, no talking, NOTHING?!”

His shouting startled you, making you stop dead in your tracks. You clench your eyes shut and your hands begin to tremble.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He immediately softened his tone and held his hands in front of him, trying to look less intimidating. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”

He regretted raising his voice as soon as the words left his lips. He didn’t mind getting loud and angry at a perp, but he always tried to leave “Detective Carisi” at the precinct. Home was sacred, where he could be soft and gentle. With you, he was just “Sonny” or your “sunshine.” He hoped he still could be.

“Listen to me, please,” he begged. “You’ve got every right to be mad at me. I screwed up, big time, and I couldn’t be more sorry about that.” You looked at him, still shaken, with tears rolling down your cheeks. He realized there was nothing he could do to fix this tonight. It was too much. “Look, it’s late. You’re tired, I’m tired—let’s sleep on this,” he proposed. “I understand you need some space, so I’ll sleep on the couch. The room is all yours. Just…please don’t go.”

You were on the brink of losing control, too overwhelmed by everything. You couldn’t stay. You shook your head. “I have spent too many nights alone in this bedroom, Sonny. I-I need to go.”

That shattered him.

“Okay, I hear you.” He was trying to figure out how to salvage this. “Just for tonight. You’ll come back tomorrow, and we’ll work this out.”

Your phone pinged from where it sat on the dresser. “My ride’s here, I’ve gotta go.”

“You’re coming back tomorrow, okay?” He pleaded. But you walked right past him. “Will you please text me when you get there so I know you’re safe?”

The closing of the front door echoed throughout the now silent apartment. Sonny stood there dumbfounded. He looked at the chaos of half-opened drawers and things thrown about. Something caught his eye in the corner of the room. His gray Fordham hoodie.

It was your favorite and you had claimed it as your own. It was left folded on the chair. You didn’t take it with you. He picked it up and stared at it. You wore it practically every day because it smelled like him and comforted you, and you didn’t take it with you. Somehow this hurt more than anything else that night. He wadded the ratty sweater up and hurled it across the room.

[truwaifu]

Hearts Entangled

Nanami Is tired of feeling foolish and finally does what he’s been wanting to do for a while, asking Chiyori out on a date!

Chapter five  in this series.

Read Chapter one, two, three and four here

Pairing: Nanami Kento x Chiyori (fxreader)

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: None

“Foolish.” Nanami grumbled. “Absolutely foolish.” Another dark and restless night consumed by thoughts of Chiyori. He had been so incredibly frustrated with everything she did. The way she joked with Satoru, the look in her eyes when she’s focused on her work. How she would put in extra time to help a fellow colleague when they were falling behind. It had been two months since Nanami and Chiyori declared they would be friends and yet, Nanami found himself teetering the line of what was appropriate for friends. Chiyori was composed of everything he wasn’t. He was methodical with everything he did. His time management was important and he absolutely detested having his time wasted. But above all things Nanami was frustrated by the look in Chiyori’s eyes every time she waved at him at the office. 

Before Satoru’s blatant disregard of the truth, she was timid and couldn’t look him in the eyes for too long, if at all. But after that “friendship” declaration? Chiyori had become more bold. She would come into his office at random times just because. She would tell him how nice it was to have someone from her outside life intermingle with her work life, insisting on inside jokes because it made her feel like a spy. “Childish.” Nanami would say but that would never deter Chiyori. His favorite moments were the ones when she would bring him coffee on random mornings or just bring her foot long sandwich to split with him when she noticed him working late. “Thoughtful.” He’d whisper to himself long after she’d left his office. 

Nanami didn’t know how much longer he could go with only knowing the surface level things about Chiyori. With Satoru away on a mission, he couldn’t use the sorcerer as a copout to hangout. Nanami was faced with a choice, would he continue to keep things as is or would he grow a pair and do something completely out of character for him like asking Chiyori out to dinner? “Am I not a man, dammit?” He spoke into the aether but felt foolish enough to resolve himself to his cause. He would seek out Chiyori the following morning to break down these walls he’d been tired of building. 

The next morning Nanami was on a mission. He knew what needed to be done and was ready for his own incessant nagging to end. He stepped into his work building and went towards the elevator. When the doors were closing Chiyori stopped the elevator doors before they could close. 

“Yes! I never fucking catch you in time!” Chiyori looked up from her victory dance and noticed Nanami. “Oh! Sorry about that. Good morning, Nanami-san.” The elevator doors shut leaving the two colleagues alone, together. 

“Good morning.” All the anticipation build up Nanami had prepped had fizzled out the moment he saw her. She wasn’t supposed to be in the elevator. She was supposed to be in her office where he could address her in the privacy of those four walls.

“Can I ask you something?” Chiyori’s question snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked at her, expecting, waiting. 

“Right. Um, the glasses, how blind are you?” 

“I’m not blind at all, Shelts-san.” He stated flatly.

“So you’re telling me those things are for fashion? It’s certainly a choice.”

“Do you not like them?” 

“No! That’s not it at all. They’re very stylish. Also when are we going to stop with the whole “Shelts-san, Nanami-san” thing.” Chiyori tried her best to drop her voice into its lowest registry. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to intimidate him or seduce him. Maybe both. “Shelts will suffice.” 

“It was meant to show my respect, I apologize.”

“And I love that, truly but when it’s just us, can we just please drop the honorifics? Please? I’ll go first. How are you, Nanami?” Foolish he thought. She simply dropped a three letter word and the notion sent a shiver straight down his spine. He just stared at her. Chiyori noticed and felt something come over her.

“Come on now, Nanami. You can do it, go ahead and say my name.” She was teasing him and his eyes flared. The elevator felt small with the two of them, gravity pulling them closer together. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you were teasing me.” He took a step closer to her on instinct. The pull between them getting harder to ignore. 

“Depends, is it working? Nan. A. Mi.” Chiyori put an emphasis on his name, driving him absolutely wild. 

Before they could continue this cat and mouse game the elevator doors opened. Chiyori straightened and when she looked ahead, she was already being summoned by Mr. Nakayamaha. 

“Always a good sign when the boss is calling you into his office before you’ve even taken off your jacket. I’ll see you later, Nanami-san.” Chiyori was smirking at him. She knew exactly what she was doing with the way she said his name again, adding that honorific back. Foolish. He set out to do something and couldn’t even execute it in the way he wanted. He was determined to try again before the day was out.

—--------

Nanami took a break from his work to get a coffee. He thought bringing Chiyori one was a good excuse for him to see her and finally ask her the burning question that had been gnawing at him all morning. When he entered the break room he saw Chiyori there. He was a little bummed to notice she already had a coffee in her hand. He tried to ignore the pang in his chest when he noticed her laughing with another male colleague. The more he looked, the more he noticed that her smile wasn’t meeting her eyes. That’s when he noticed Chiyori’s awkward posture, she was trying to put space between herself and Adam, the weird office colleague. Nanami couldn’t hear what she was saying but felt the urge to get her away from him. 

“Shelts-san, are you ready for our meeting?” Chiyori felt a solid wall behind her and she didn’t have to look back to know who it was but she must love being tortured because she turned to look up at him anyway. Beautiful. She thought. She had to fight the urge to melt into his chest. She never fully registered the height difference. 

“Yes, Nanami-san. I am so sorry, Adam-san, I really have to go. I’m so swamped, I’m flattered, truly but I have to decline your invitation.” Nanami dragged Chiyori away, his grip on her shoulders were firm but gentle. He felt himself grow angry. Of course other men would want her. What did he think? That he was the only one? Foolish. Fucking foolish. Once they arrived at Nanami’s office Chiyori jumped at how hard Nanami’s door slammed shut. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, pacing in his office. 

“Are you okay, Nanami?” Chiyori began to grow concerned by his silence. Not being able to handle much more of it she went up to him and placed a hand on his back. The touch alone was enough to snap him out of his inner monologue. Namami looked into Chiyori’s eyes and heaved. “Foolish.” He whispered. It was almost inaudible but Chiyori heard it. The last time she was this close to him was when she was cleaning coffee off his chest. And maybe it was due to his whisper she felt the need to whisper as well. 

“Who is?”

“I am.” She felt a giggle erupt from the back of her throat.

“And why is that?” 

Before Nanami could answer there was a knock at the door and Chiyori had registered how close she was. 

“Excuse me sir, oh, sorry, am I interrupting?” Reggie. Of course it was Reggie at the door. Reggie was Ellie’s husband so Chiyori knew she would ask her about this. 

“No, not at all. I was just heading out. Thank you again, sir, for your insight. I appreciate it.” With a nod towards Nanami and Reggie, Chiyori excused herself. 

When she returned to her desk, no work had gotten done. Chiyori spent most of the afternoon thinking about the proximity between herself and Nanami, the intimacy. She was desperately trying to chase that high in her mind. There was no denying the effect he had on her but now Chiyori was starting to believe that maybe it wasn’t completely one sided. She stayed working later than she would’ve liked but considering how much time she spent avoiding work that afternoon, she knew the morning would be rough if she didn’t catch up.

By the time Chiyori was satisfied with her work most of the office was empty. When she passed by Nanami’s office she noticed he was still there as well. She noticed through his office window that he had his head back in his chair with a towel thrown over his eyes. Looks like he had a long day too. Not wanting to disturb him, Chiyori continued on. Ahead of her, she noticed Adam waiting by the water fountain and cursed to herself. He hadn’t noticed her yet so she made the quick decision to rush into Nanami’s office. Nanami sat right up when he heard her enter the office but she was too focused on Adam to notice him approaching. 

“What are you doing?” He spoke softly. 

“Hiding.” She whispered as though Adam might hear her. 

“Shelts-san”

“No.” She didn’t even look back at him to acknowledge that she had cut him off. Nanami sighed. 

“Well you should at least look at me if you want me to address you in the way you would like.” Chiyori didn’t have to look at him to know he was close. Again. She was convinced she had Nanami senses hardwired into her veins. She slowly turned to him and her suspicions were correct. Here they were again in such close proximity. It was maddening to her more than anything.

“Better?” She kept her voice hushed.

“Much. Care to tell me why you’re hiding in my office?”

“Well I was heading out the door when I saw Adam was still here. I didn’t want to get caught riding down the elevator with him and I didn’t want him to see me avoiding him either. I hid, I’m awful, I know.”

“You’re not awful, we all know he’s eccentric.”

“Nanami, ever the gentleman.”

“Am I now? I guess that’s better than being known as the office creep.”

“Nanami! What about the bro-code?” Chiyori feigned shock.

“Please, Chiyori, do I look the type?”

“You said it! You called me Chiyori and you didn’t burst into flames! And for the record, no, you don’t seem like that type at all.” Chiyori didn’t mean to put such emphasis on the words but Nanami picked up on it. The look on his face let her know he wasn’t going to let it go.

“By all means, Chiyori, do tell me what exactly is my type.” Now he was the one teasing her. Something that caught her by surprise because he just didn't seem the type. Having him so close already left her breathless, if she didn’t do something about this proximity soon, Chiyori wasn’t sure they would ever actually make it out of this office. She playfully pushed Nanami away and made her way to his side of his desk to sit in his chair. 

“Well sir, that kind of information doesn’t come for free.” “I figured as much. Name your price.” Nanami followed her, now he was standing over his desk.

“I take payments in food and coffee.” Nanami finally felt like what he had been wanting to achieve all day was now possible. 

“Fine, have dinner with me this Friday night.”

“What?” It was Nanami’s turn to laugh at the expression on Chiyori’s face.

“Food, dinner, you and me. You can tell me all about the type of man you think I am.”

Chiyori simply nodded her head, yes, too nervous to trust her own voice to speak. Nanami was reeling at her expressions. He wanted nothing more than to grab her face and kiss her but that would have to wait for another time. 

“Shall we head out for the evening? It’s getting late.” Another nod from Chiyori. She slowly rose from his office chair and went towards the door. Unsure if he had made the wrong decision, if he had been too forward, Nanami needed some reassurance.

“Look Chiyori, if I crossed a line and you’re uncomfortable, please just-”

“No take backsies!” Almost as quick as Chiyori said the words, she covered her mouth out of sheer embarrassment. Nanami chuckled as he opened his office door to let her through. 

“As you wish, no take backsies.” 

Chiyori somehow made it home, had dinner and showered before bed that night. She was still unsure how it happened but she had a date with Nanami Kento. The Nanami Kento and it felt like a dream. She was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. There were so many variables to think of. Friday was two days away and she had no idea the time, the place, the wardrobe? A lot could happen in two days. I should’ve asked for his number. Chiyori was kicking herself for turning into mush the second he asked her out. What if he changes his mind? What if this was some kind of sick joke? No. He isn’t the type. Chiyori’s thoughts and emotions were running away with her when she realized she had never felt this way about anyone before. Nanami was the first of his breed to cause such internal chaos. 

She looked over at the clock, it read 10pm, it felt much later in the night. She stared at her phone when an unfamiliar number called. By the area code she knew it was a Japanese number. At first she thought it was Satoru but she touched base with him almost two hours ago. Nanami? Letting her body move before her brain got in the way she answered the call. 

“Hello?” Chiyori squeaked. 

“Chiyori? Good evening.” Yup. There was no denying that deep tone. It was Nanami Kento. 

“Hey, what’s up, how’s it hanging?” She was rambling. 

“How’s it hanging? I am not sure I understand.”

“Right, nevermind that. What can I do for you, Nanami?”

“I realized we didn’t exchange contact information so I asked Satoru for your information. I hope that was okay. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“And what idea is it that you don’t want me getting wrong?”

“That I wasn’t serious about Friday.”

“Oh.” He left her breathless again. It was so easy for him to do that.

“Oh?”

“Nothing, I’m really glad you called although a text message would’ve worked too ya know.” Chiyori was trying to sound laid back now.

“Oh, I know. I just wanted to hear your voice, that’s all.” Her throat dried up at his confession. “Well anyway, it’s late Chiyori. I’ll see you tomorrow at work, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Nanami.” Another whisper. Once the line went dead, Chiyori was left buzzing. She suddenly couldn’t wait until morning.

[isa-ghost]

some qphil and pomme hcs 🥹? i was thinking abt the rescue we were robbed of

Okay bear with me, I didn't get to see her a lot because I didn't watch most POVs she was on so these might not be spicy and deep or smth, they'll mostly be silly or surface level stuff. 😭

Phil headcanons masterlist

He thinks she's one of, if not THE most brilliant egg. Pomme's mind is something else /pos. He'd love to sit down and pick her brain sometime as one big brain to another (though he'd never admit he's big brain).

He makes dad jokes about Chayanne making anything apple flavored/centric like "How could you cook Pomme like that D:" and it always gets him smacked by both Chay and Lullah.

And then he'll see Pomme and be like YOU'RE ALIVE :O!! and watches her scramble like ?!?!?! before dying laughing and explaining himself. Etoiles has started to get in on this, much to Pomme's dismay.

He makes so many apple-related dad jokes in general, he enjoys watching all the kids die inside too much when he makes them. He doesn't even LIKE dad jokes that much, he's just a shithead.

He actively encourages Pomme to "compete" with Richas in collecting dads

There have been multiple occasions where they've had a Moment of some sort with or without other people around and he's told Pomme how much of her parents he can see in her. He's talked about seeing Baghera, Etoiles, and Pierre.

Phil loves the way Pomme just kinda blends in with her parents. She's not a Mommy's Girl or a Daddy's Girl. If she's with Baghera she's a lot like her and that her is different than when she's with Etoiles and those are both different from when she's with Pierre. And so on. Phil finds it endearing that Pomme takes after each and every parent and how it really shows when she's with them individually.

The couple times she (usually also with Dapper or Richas) would come to Phil in the wake of big stressful things going on, it was because she knew of all the islanders, Phil is one of the ones who's no doubt seen the most in his lifetime. He Gets It. He'll be real and raw about it, he won't sugarcoat just because she's a little girl. He'll level with her, and that kind of insight and comfort is what she needs in those trying times.

I think if Phil was Pomme's parent then she would've pulled a Chayanne and personally beat Ender King's ass right out of his body. And she'd spend day and night beforehand painstakingly plotting a plan to ensure it goes right too.

My memory is fuzzy on Pomme's first day, but I remember Phil being on high alert while the French were getting on their feet and offering everything he could in order to help keep Pomme safe while they settled in. Pomme's never forgotten that. If there were ever a crisis that left all of the French AND Bad + their bases inaccessible or unsafe, she'd go straight to Phil next. She knows how much effort he puts into keeping his bases safe and secure, and she knows he has always dropped everything at any moment no matter what in order to prioritize the eggs.

God these two shake hands on the insomnia fr. The only reason Phil eventually passes out is bc of his weird universe transcending fuckery. He may willingly Go to sleep but his ass doesn't willingly Fall asleep if that makes sense. Brain too busy going 90 miles a minute.

Phil's never thought abt this but I am: Of all the eggs, I think Pomme is one of the ones who would survive the best in his Hardcore World. She'd lock the FUCK in.

And Phil would've seen that if we weren't robbed of the rescue. 😔 The rescue would've changed how Phil views Pomme in a positive way I think.

Because as of right now, he just feels awful that Pomme has to grow up and be mature so much faster. There are too many horrors, she just doesn't let herself be a kid. Chayanne does similar things but he at least still let's himself be a kid. It saddens Phil that Pomme seems to think she can't be, even if she wants to be. :(

If he wasn't afraid of an awful accident happening, he'd probably spar with her. She's the daughter of Etoiles, he has no doubt she's a lil fireball. But he only trusts himself to spar with Chayanne and Lullah. (I think I've said this somewhere already,, hm. Well at least I'm consistent LMAO)

[definitelynotshouting]

okay 3am anon again (although you likely have more than one of those, the most recent 3am anon) after some sleep, still thinking about the overlap between the player Grian’s last memories of his code being devoured and the pre grian larval watcher’s memory of doing the devouring. in this au there’s no concept of the soul, it’s just code all the way down? so like… player grian’s code didn’t get shucked off to the greater universe and recycled. it’s still *there*, making up watcher grian. like he’s a fusion of the two, chimera like— or worse, a stranger wearing player grians corpse.

side note: while ik the listeners aren’t that well known (if known at all) to the players, i think the process of becoming a listener and becoming a watcher artificially are eerily similar. the difference to me being that one has a clear delineation in the before and the after, the player and the watcher, while the other leaves outsiders wondering exactly how much of their friend is left. you’re giving ME brain worms.

side side note: re: Doc’s Mystery Solution: think it would incredibly funny for it to be a radio tower broadcasting the Watcher Food Frequency. Many jokes to be had. Fortunately i’m making all of them:

1) grian simply thinking real hard at the air to eat call that Same-Second Delivery

(like that one telekinesis pizza image)

2) *Incomprehensible static noises* “YOU’RE LISTENING TO—“ *Rapid screeching and clicking* “— THE WATCHER RADIO—“ *hissing, skittering, shrieking* “—THE BEST (only) ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET ON AIR!” *three seconds of the time honored watcher classic Maneater by Nelly Furtado blares before being subsumed by crushing static*

3) No one gets to change the station on road trips it’s crushing static or grian gets the munchies and throws them into another death game.

side side side note (side x3 note?), grians specific set of issues around feeding is so interesting to me— knowing that what helps you will directly hurt others, imo, really validates the fear a lot of ill— mentally and physically— people have about being a burden on those they love, and getting themselves hurt in the process of attempting to protect their loved ones. it also follows that up by saying “you might be a burden! But it’s the choice of others to help you. What a world it would be if all we meant to each other was the burdens we give and take.” idk i could be grossly misinterpreting it. but it is an interesting thought to me.

additionally, i like the rounded focus you have on everyone— seeing how everyone is 1) handling this extreme situation, 2) what they do with the little information they have/have figured out is so wonderfully twisty. it grounds the fic in an emotional reality, whilst using scifi/fantasy concepts to form the set on which that emotional reality is played out. immaculate.

side x4 note:

imagine some therapist phones grian and is like “ay so i got a patient that’s emotionally repressed out the wazoo can you come take a bite so they can figure out how to label the emotions they’re feeling thanks”

grian: how did you get this number.

side x5 note:

all i’m saying is that TECHNICALLY player grians code is still inside watcher grian :) in pieces :) like a gruesome patchwork making up his memory code and surface code :) that must look soooooooooo silly from xisumas perspective. incredibly silly. lethally silly even. 14 dead 62 injured silly event.

side x6 note:

the approach your world building has for the ethical implications of genetic modification and self driven evolution is simply. chefs kiss.

like watchers changed the cores of themselves to escape over hunting by the seekers. players recreationally change their skins. listeners meld and learn from their hosts code just as much as they impart themselves on their hosts. It’s normal at different levels but also held in a higher regard than just the irl concept of “what if rich people could design their babies :) surely nothing can go wrong with that” i mean it’s more nuanced but i gotta write abt that for a lot of my classes so i will spare you the ramble (IN THAT REGARD SPECIFICALLY. YOU ARE NOT SPARED IN ANY OTHER. MY APOLOGIES)

intelligent design but the maker and the molded are one and the same. in the words of half-alive’s hit song “creature”, every living thing here is “creation both haunted and holy”, the universe experiencing itself, through infinitely recycled code.

side x7 note:

you mentioned the dev crystals blowing up if there was too much stress on the system w too many abandoned worlds. call that chernobyl the way that— *loud incorrect buzzer sounds*

anyways that’s not all the thoughts i have but i need to fuel my body with something that’s not brain rot and ideally has some protein in it lmfao.

hope you enjoy this ramble, and have a wonderful day!

ANON I LOVE AND ADORE THESE RAMBLES THIS IS SO ENRICHING FOR ME TO READ ALSO YOUR JOKES ARE SO ON POINT IM LOSING MY MIND RN SKDNAJFNSKDNSJDJDJ

Genuinely its so so lovely to read people's thoughts and analysis' for hunger au-- i am utterly obsessed with what everyone's different takeaways are, and the common thread between them. And like!!! What you're reading into it is stuff i have done my best to carefully insert and im SO HAPPY its coming across!!!! Watcher!Grian does have an exact copy of Player!Grian's memory code-- he's pretty much the exact same person in my eyes, just... different. Idk its hard to explain. But my thought on the whole ship of theseus situation has ALWAYS been "its still you if thats what you choose." and thats ultimately what i want to portray for Grian as well.

Smth smth "show me a permanent state of the self" and "trauma changes you irrevocably but so does healing" and "sometimes you replace your host (hi fellow systems im waving)" and also a little of that good old trans "i killed and ate the person i was and became something different but im also still me" flavour all at the same time. There are a ton of different things im referencing in the entire idea of Grian killing and replacing himself and containing those trace amounts of that original code and they are all SO integral to the story for me. I think at the end of the day its very much a "i was changed and theres nothing i can do about that but i can keep moving forward as i grieve" type situation. Taps mic is this thing on. This room is so dark

Im so glad youve made all the Grian munchies jokes bc these are STELLAR

For the mental health thing!!! Yes!!!! Yes oh my gods it is SO important to me to have that as part of this portrayal, that yes sometimes we hurt each other and sometimes we hurt each other badly-- but we are still a COMMUNITY and that means there is a deliberate choice in choosing to provide support anyways. I'll fully admit that i didnt necessarily go into this fic with like, a moral in mind?? In its most honest form, this fic is just a depiction, as is most of my work-- i really enjoy exploring the messy realities of terrible situations, often without any good answers, and navigating the maze of their ugly results when everybody is just trying their best. But i'll never say im not glad that this is something being taken out of reading this fic-- its about the community of it all. Its about how sometimes you hurt people and they can love you and support you anyway. Its about how sometimes people hurt you and you can also continue to support them. Like youve put so elegantly here: where would we be if we only measured our relationships in how much of a burden they are to us???? If we only gave a shit about the transaction of it all???? idk its all so deeply human to me and thats ultimately what i like about this fic, is the humanity in it, and the nuance, and the complexity of a terrible situation where everything is understandable and just plain sucks.

Im genuinely so glad that you're enjoying how rounded everything is-- ive been working really hard to make sure everyone gets a little bit of a spotlight, and that spotlight is going to expand SIGNIFICANTLY once we get to hermitcraft again. My work is cut out for me LOL especially because i have an obsession with doing right by every character, but i do genuinely enjoy taking that deeper dive into hermits im far less familiar with-- im having lots of fun lowkey studying Welsknight in particular rn via Iskall's hermitcraft vault hunters series. Im hoping it pays off when i eventually get to his little spotlight :]

Also okay MAN i will candidly admit i didnt even THINK about genetic modification ethics when coming up with this worldbuilding. I think my thought process on it was more or less that i wanted to do something more unique than hybrids but without sacrificing the aesthetic options and so i came up with "everybody is functionally a shapeshifter, there we go, cool" and my trans ass slammed the IMMEDIATE ACCEPT button bc gods. Ideal fucking world i would like to be a lion. U kno how it is. But im very glad you find this so interesting and!!!! Thats SO COOL that ive managed to connect to smth youre so passionate about irl!!!! Also i find just what youve mentioned here to be a very very interesting subject so if you ever want to ramble more about it i would love to hear!!!! :D

Gods okay this got long but i adore this ask and also the "YOU'RE MOLDY??????" TRULY GOT TO ME AKDNWKDNSKDN IT LEGIT SENT ME INTO A COUGHING FIT HELP,,,,,,,, tysm for sending these, they made my day and im glad i finally got the chance to respond to them :]❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[dumbpuppycatgirl]

how do I tell if I’m trans

(sorry your my only transfem moot (I think))

Short answer:

I know because being a girl(-adjacent being) makes me happy. Moving towards happiness helped me (even though i sabotage myself at every step every day)

See also:

https://amitrans.org/

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

My full story under the cut:

My story starts in 2020, like so many modern trans stories do, when i was stuck online and found a new community where someone came out as trans. I asked her a lot of questions and she told me to experiment.

So i experimented, i bought skirts and other clothing online; bought like an anime school girl outfit because idk cute?

I started pretending to be a girl on reddit and discord when i joined a large overwatch server under a mew account, trying out several names.

On reddit i also started looking into trans memes and started reading experiences of trans people.

Within a few months i had made a first decision for myswlf really sternly: i do not want to be a guy.

I started talking about it with my therapist and she was very helpful and supportive.

The community i joined at the start of this story i found more friends and more queer friends and we were joking around having fun.

A real life friend bought some make up for me when i talked with her about me questioning, which was very nice but even 3 years later i have barely actually used any of it. I am terrified of make up, and hate seeing my face. Always hated seeing my face.

In my reading and relating to trans stories i stumbled upon the three websites linked above. The genderdysphoria bibke eslecially was extremely helpful.

After making that first decision around december 2020 and getting help from resl life people around early 2021 it still took forever to answer "if not a man, then what?" Im not sure i have the answer now. What i have figured out now that i have tried make up, wear more femme clothing, go by a fem name and changed my legsl gender is that im generally much happier being a woman.

Im not sure im a woman, or at least maybe not always, but "woman" is much much closer to what i 'am' than "man", if that makes sense.

During the second half of my questioning phase, when i read the dysphoria bible, i started realising that mayyyybe there were hints during my childhood... wanting to play a girl character during the one singular open theatre day i attended when i was like 11 or so might have been a clue.

I realised that my obsession with TF-TG comics was not a cis thing lmao. I realised that men generally dont feel "cursed" to have the body they have.

I did make some changes to my body over time, though, as i started living on my own also in 2020 to be a student i had much more freedom to do things secretly. Bought jewelry to wear inside only, and dyed my hair, which was amazing.

During the summer of 2021, my cousin got married, and i had to wear a suit, of course, which felt painful. Cementing my not wanting to be a man feeling. Dead eye smile all the way.

Later that year i had some talks with my brother about feeling so extremely limited in my choices for clothing and expression and what not and that being a man felt like a prison. He was very nice about it and said that clothing is not gendered if youre not a coward. I liked that a lot.

Soon after i came out as trans fem to my close online friends (none of who were surprised). Meer my now boyfriend that winter and everything was great.... except no one irl knew.

Still took me 3 months to come out to my neighbours (student living so i spent a lot of time with them) and my family. Both coming out messages were sent over WhatsApp at like 2 am and turned off my phone and locked the door. Coming out is hard.

Since then, now 2.5 years later, it had not been all roses and sunshine. But it has been better. I started to feel like i was a person, i started being able to think about a future, beyond extremely surface level, "guess, I'll get a job somewhere and get s house idk". My dad remarked that i stood much more upright when wearing my dress than when boymoding.

My parents luckily took it extremely well, they kinda also had to, as since my coming out my 2 brothers have also been fruity lmao. Within 6 months my family went from "good christian family with 3 sons" to having a trans girl, a gay and a femboy. Im still convinced my mom is an egg. I like my queer family.

Anyway, moral of the story is this: experiment and do what makes you happy. I still dont know how to label myself completely but that is also not too important. Im much happier with myself now than before.

[halliescomut]

Rant in defense(?) of Step by Step

Okay, so I watched episode 5 of Step by Step yesterday, and then helped my sister deep clean our kitchen so I missed basically all of the online discourse about it. So now I'm waking up to people being mad and Dee Hup and Mandee releasing statements. And like...I wanna talk about it.

So if you're not up to speed, general breakdown is that in the show they are producing a series (*correction it's a marketing campaign, see new comments at the end), some of the characters are business side and some are production/acting side. At a meeting they discuss possible BL acting pairs that they could cast and they show a couple of well known ones. It's not clear to me if the fake series in the show is going to be a BL or if they are just hoping to use a BL pair because they have pretty committed fanbases.

Most memorably they show Zee and Nunew. Because the creatives are dealing with executives there's a moment where they have to explain fanservice to one of them, and they do explain in very basically.

A lot of people thought or read this as a direct attack on Zee and Nunew specifically, an assumption that all of their behavior is fanservice. I personally think that they chose Zee and Nunew to allow for this sort of inside baseball joke that they are very expensive and very busy. I honestly thought that was the only direct comment that applied to them, and it was made in response to Jaab being asked who he thought best suited the project.

One of the other options, they make a point of saying they aren't really being shipped, which if the series they are working on is not a BL, could be a selling point because peripheral or surface level knowledge of them wouldn't be directly related to their ship. So you wouldn't have people who see them cast in the show and only know them as BL actors and write off the show as a whole because they are not BL fans or are actively homophobic. *See edit/correction at end.

The final comment many people seem to have the most issue with (for a couple different reasons) is this one:

The reason for the issue differs, some people are saying this is a direct attack on Zee and Nunew and how they present themselves at appearances and on social media. Now whether everything fans see of Zee and Nunew is fanservice or not, IDK and IDC. It's not my business. If it is fanservice and they feel comfortable doing it, I have no problem. If it's not fanservice and they are essentially using that belief as a cover to be able to be affectionate publicly in a country where that can be dangerous and also would likely damage their career opportunities...I also have no problem there. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.

The second reason that people are upset about this comment is that this is literally a BL show profiting off of the LGBTQ community, so isn't it hypocritical?? And I just didn't read it that way. Watching the show, Pat is a gay man, he's at the very least out in his personal life, at work there's not much that we see that would confirm one way or the other, but I would imagine his level of out-ness at work is at the very least a case-by-case basis. Pat, as someone in a country where his identity is not protected or validated, could be understandably frustrated by the BL industry and the fanservice that is a very prevalent part of it. Seeing the 'performance' of gayness being accepted and even rewarded when, like most gay people, he's probably encountered more than one homophobic person, or had to second guess holding his partners hand in public would be so frustrating.

IDK...I just feel like it's meant to be a statement showing that they are aware of the sentiment. And the reaction of complete silence is it's own condemnation of the system, because you can see that the executives in the room are stunned by the comment, and that the creatives are all kind of thinking 'Pat you said the quiet part out loud'.

Is it a situation that is handled perfectly in the show? Not necessarily. But I do think it's valid commentary of the BL industry. It's literally commentary that you see repeated over and over again on the internet. Like, we're coming up on Pride month and seeing Pride collections released by almost every major company. And the number one thing that any queer person will tell you is to actively look into what those companies are doing to support the queer community before you hand them any of your hard-earned dollarbucks. Are they donating to charities that actively support queer people? Are they employing queer people at all levels? Are they using queer people in their advertising? Are they seeking out queer artists to help design some of the items and paying them appropriately for that work?

You can use that same energy and process with BL companies. Are they actively supporting their openly out creatives? Are they type casting openly queer actors? If they are a company that also produces mainstream (i.e. not gay) content, are BL actors also present in that content? Is there queer representation in their mainstream content at all? Are you asking these questions when you are looking into BL shows? Are you actively looking into shows at all or are you just watching stuff based on how hot the actors are? There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, as long as you aren't then proceeding to actively attack actors, companies, or shows for perceived wrongdoings, if you've done no research at all.

*Correction: What they are doing is a marketing campaign, so commercials, print ads, social media campaigns, etc. Since it's going to be likely similar to what we see IRL, maybe sponsored posts or appearances as well. This does bring different context to the scene as it actively emphasises the profit part. Because BLs/fanservice do profit off of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, but that can be more abstract/peripheral. Like queer people watch a queer show and they pay the subscription fee to a service, and maybe they buy a product being advertised, but the money that makes into the hands of the production company or the actors would be small in comparison to using BL acting pairs in a marketing campaign, where the company would very directly profit from appearances or purchases of that product.

This does however strengthen my previously made point about rainbow capitalism, which in addition to pride merch is something in the western world we've seen more recently addressed with situations like the Bud Light-Dylan Mulvaney ad, as well as regular outrages for Nike using queer athletes, or Starbucks creating a commercial based around a trans customer, or period products being market to include transmen, mother's day and father's day ads that feature same sex couples... there's a whole list. It's nice to see that representation in ads, but if those companies are not also actively working to minimize discrimination inside their company, or actively working with and donating to non-profits that help support different people int he queer community... then that representation is merely performative activism and nothing else.

[mako-and-tails-and-stuff]

Mako Mermaids F/Feb Day 8 Grey

Day 8 Grey - Rita/Veridia/Nerissa, 803  words, Rating G

Stormy days were grey days. When the pouring rains and howling winds kept them all shut inside and made surfacing to breathe a dangerous task. Most Mermaids took to their caves and waited it out, safe with their friends and their own little treasures. 

Rita had been one of those Mermaids once, until she came onto land and built her grotto from a dusty old cavern under the house to a literal treasure trove. Treasures, potions, rare fabrics, antiques and anything one could think of to do with the sea.

Sometimes she watched the storms from the safety of the house, watching as the grey clouds engulfed the sky and the Sea mirrored it back, an endless gloom set to swallow the whole world if it was left to its own devices. 

Sometimes she used storms as an excuse to look through her collection. Each storm brought out another old chest she hadn’t looked at in years or sparked up the urge to rearrange and change her displays. She once thought about cataloguing everything but she gave up after she filled the first leather bound tome and had barely scratched the surface on her possessions. 

This newest storm was another opportunity. She’d watched the clouds while she waited for the kettle to boil then retreated down to the grotto where she found Veridia and Nerissa already settled in the lower level. Nerissa lying with her head on Veridia’s lap, the latter sitting closest to the stairs, holding a book in her hands. 

Rita kissed Veridia on the cheek before sipping her tea and deciding which area to start on first.

“Now I feel left out. Everyone’s all paired up but me,” Nerissa joked as she sat up. “Mimmi’s over with Chris, Zac and Evie are at Evie’s house and now you two over here.”

“Aww,” Rita gave Nerissa a gentle kiss on the cheek and lightly cupped her jaw, “Least it gives you time to help with some organising down here while everyone else is busy. Both of you can help.”

“I’m not helping, not after last time. You got annoyed at me for not putting everything back right, I’m going to stay here and read,” Veridia swung her legs up onto the bench in one smooth move, the fabric of her dress rippling like the waves as she did so, “Nerissa do not indulge her either.”

“Nerissa can make up her own mind,” Rita retorted,”and besides, she’s using false facts to get pity.” Rita directed her attention towards the Mermaid in question, “You know you’re one of us Nerissa.”

“If you value your peace and sanity stay here with me,” Veridia warned. 

“How bad can it be?” 

Veridia turned back to her book with a laugh as Nerissa gingerly stood up and followed behind Rita. 

As soon as Rita moved the first target box, it unearthed a cloud of dust almost as big as the storm clouds outside which immediately doused both her and Nerissa near enough head to toe. 

“Veridia was right,” Nerissa coughed, “I never should have helped you.”

Rita just shook the grey dust from her hair. “It’s been a while since this has been moved, a bit of dust is perfectly normal.”

“This is not a bit of dust, this is a literal volcanic ash size pile of dust. It’s all over you and all over me.”

“I warned you two,” Veridia called over, “but Rita never listens and it seems you don’t either Nerissa. Now who’s left out, the only voice of reason left.”

“Hearing her, the voice of reason,” Rita continued brushing dust off before raising her voice to make sure Veridia could also hear, “try getting Ondina to do what you say and then we’ll see who’s the ‘voice of reason’ amongst us.”

“Ondina is perfectly willing to follow instructions,” Veridia said, “the majority of the time.”

“When was the last time she did what you asked? She’s too much like you. Never does as she’s told

“Ondina always does what I ask,” Nerissa added. 

“You’ve got the best friend’s mum thing going on,” Rita replied, “plus Ondina was only here for a week before she left for Shanghai.”

“How about instead of arguing, you two get all that dust cleaned off of you?” Veridia asked. “It’s in both of your hair and all over your clothes and I don’t want it on me.”

“Why not? You’d look cute being all dusty with us,” Rita blew a kiss to Veridia.”

“I’m fine thank you, just clean yourselves up.”

Rita waited until Veridia had gone back to her book before cloaking herself and quietly sneaking up behind the other Mermaid and catching her in a hug. The surprise gave Nerissa enough time to catch Veridia from the front. 

“You two are horrible!”

[georgieluz]

if you don't mind much, what was every thought that crossed your mind during ray persons scenes in gen kill?

every single thought? anon, don't tempt me

that being said, i shall give the people what they want! so ray is the kind of annoying that i live and breathe for. the kind of annoying that makes me wanna open up his brain and dive inside. just pure unadulterated unhinged energy! zero shame or dignity present in that one. none whatsoever. but it's endearing y'know? i wanna tell him to shut the fuck up but i also want him to live in my pocket and give me a running commentary on my life?

i didn't wanna love him at first. it's gonna sound weird but it felt too predictable for me to go for yet another smartass idiot who can't for the life of him know when to shut the fuck up. so i kind of rebelled against myself and held out for a while. eventually though, he did wear me down and i did find myself shaking my head disapprovingly but smiling fondly alongside brad. i think though it was the deeper aspects of his character that finally drew me in, the ones that you have to look deeper into, in the shorter scenes that maybe don't seem that important but have subtler little details.

and if we do wanna get deep about it then i always enjoy a character who clings desperately onto humour and sheer absurdity as a coping mechanism. it's pretty clear that ray falls within that category and i did enjoy getting to see a little bit of how he reacts when he can't reach for that coping mechanism as easily, when he's too exhausted and fed up to pull the mask on.

another thing i noticed that made me appreciate him from just a really small action is in the episode where everyone is trying to cheer walt up. ray uses his method of being a comedic annoyance to give walt some kind of normalcy that he probably isn't getting from the others, who are trying to reassure him and look after him in a more direct and 'impactful' way. but ray decides to go and basically dry hump his head and say stupid shit and yeah, walt is a bit irritated bc of everything he's dealing with, but as a viewer, we get to see ray actively using the way the other marines see him to try and give walt a sense of "nothing is going to change, you're still you and i'm still me". whilst brad, nate and espera are there basically outwardly telling him not to worry (and walt needed that too, i love my dads <3), ray takes a much subtler approach in supporting him. which when you think about it, really is the opposite to how we talk about ray usually. he's anything but subtle generally, so i think this little bit of information and look into his character, and intentions, was something that just really stood out to me bc he chose that approach for walt, imo at least. i know it's a tiny tiny scene but it just helped confirm a lot of my thoughts about how ray approaches things and how, sure, he is naturally unhinged and doesn't think before he speaks a lot, but sometimes, you can actively see him using that humour and those jokes and all his ridiculous antics to pull his friends out of whatever dark crevice their mind has fallen into. he does it with brad as well. i feel like his actor portrayed those purposeful moments really well also, because for me, i could tell when he was just being ridiculous and himself and talking shit, and when he was playing it up to keep others focused on him and not the other shit going on around them. anyway. this is one of the reasons i love his character and his portrayal a lot. it's not lost on me that it actually is a back-and-forth with ray that eventually pulls walt out of his downward spiral either, at least surface-level. it was a team effort, but ray continuing to prode him eventually got him to 'snap out of it' and feel like he was being treated normally.

and as much as i loved his comedic scenes throughout the series, and all his songs and ways of keeping everyone entertained, i really enjoyed his portrayal and depiction in the last two or so episodes, where you start to notice the mask slipping. it's thrown back on pretty quickly, but i appreciated that we got that small insight into how everything has actually affected him and it actually felt different afterward. he goes back to being a smartass and being the annoying friend who never shuts up, but you can see he's changed somewhere deep down underneath as well.

and the fact that it's his final look toward trombley that kind of sums up the conclusion of the show and the true realisation about what they did there. i don't know if i can explain it coherently yet, i guess i'm still processing what i'm trying to say about that final scene. i'm sure it's been said a thousand times by someone, a lot more eloquently that i ever could, but his final look really spoke volumes to me. his reaction to trombley and the video and then finally walking away felt like a confirmation of the message that the show presents to us throughout the whole series, but which they let us pick up and spin around for a few episodes to fully absorb, before letting ray finish it up with a single look. idk, maybe i'm just rambling.

maybe this is completely different from what you were asking for anon, so i'm really sorry if it disappoints you, or you were just looking for silly commentary on all the unhinged shit that comes out of his mouth lmao but yeah. i am a little bit obsessed with ray person. i truly would like to examine his brain up close.

all that raging internalised homophobia as well, huh?

anyone wanna unpack that with me?

it'll be fun, i promise

[adrianasunderworld]

Davie Black

Davie started off a joke with @marrondrawsalot until he wasn't. (She also created Davie siblings, so full credit for that) Because of that he technically isn't twisted from anything in particular but he has ended being a bit of Tarzan or Mowgli-like character.

Davie is a second year and for a while everyone was very confused as to how he got sorted into Savannaclaw. On the surface he did not match any of the traits associated with the dorm. He was a normal looking human guy that seemingly had no qualities associated with the dorm. He was sporty but didn't have the athletic prowess the rest of the dorm was known for. At the time he didn't display any obvious leadership qualities, so that was out. Davie was an enigma.

However, to those inside the dorm, they know Davie has a way with animals and non-human people. Leona and Ruggie came to the conclusion that Davie must be a beast tamer. Though that did not explain some of Davies habits.

Davie tends to act more beastman than human. He loves and will tear into meat whenever he can. When some of the feline beast guys curl up for a nap on him, he is content with it. And if he's really mad, Davie will bark at people. Leona and the other dorm members could not make sense of it until parents day when Davie happily introduced everyone to his parents and siblings. His mom was a black panther beast woman and his father a bear man. All his younger siblings were a variety of other beast people. Davie explained he was adopted and the only human and suddenly a lot of stuff about him made sense.

Davie is from the Sunset Savannah. The area he grew up in was made up almost entirely of beast people. Davie was one of a handful of human kids in his school growing up. Non-humans like beast people, merfolk, and Fae he gets along fine with. It's just other humans he feels like he has trouble connecting with sometimes.

Due to Davies ability to calm his dormmates and de-escalate things, Leona gave him the unofficial title of the dorm mediator. Basically Davie deals with the day to day issues of the guys in Savannahclaw that they have trouble compromising on their own but are too small for Leona and Ruggie to deal with. So Leona just went "You know what, this is your job now. It's gonna save me a lot of headache." And it really does work for them.

That being said, Davie started his first year extremely laid back, a little bit of a people pleaser. Now he's an asshole. He is done with all of his dormmates shit. He's still good at meditating and keeping a level head where it counts. But he's become much more sarcastic, chewing guys out for their antics, all of Savannaclaw knows not to piss off or disappoint Davie. It's varies on which is worse.

Davie does not like Idia. Idia has this whole theory that Davies looks and ability is him being an actual Isekai protagonist and annoys the shit out of him about it. "You're just like that anime "I am the beast Princes Bride but now I'm a Highschool Boy"! "NO! I really am not!"

Davie has a crush on Dreary and she likes him as well. They start dating eventually but it's a slow work up to that. All of Savannahclaw knows it, because Davie is notably calmer when Dreary is around and goes out of his way to help her and feel comfortable when she hangs out. So now everyone in the dorm tries to have her around as much as possible to avoid getting in trouble. Davie is an absolute simp for Dreary and nothing less.

Davie is the oldest of his siblings and has helped out a lot taking care of them. He's very good with kids as a result and knows how to cook very well. Azul has tried and failed to hire him for the lounge.

Davie is the oldest of five kids, all adopted. His entire family are beast people and he's the only human. His sibling in order are Tizoc, a black jaguar boy, Sammy, a snake girl, Trevor, a puppy, and the youngest sister is Apricot, an aye aye.

Davie is good at Latte art. Like stupidly good. People think he's using magic, but nope. His dad owns a popular coffee shop, and Davie works there when he's back home. His work gets very popular when it's posted online, like the time he did a portrait of Leona on one and it went viral.

Davie gets very competitive, especially at game night. A pillow fight with him may as well be a war zone. The first years have sacrificed Ace to him so many times.

Davie is on the Spelldrive team.

Yuu/Isabelle is one of his human friends. Beast tamers stick together.

@writing-heiress @mangacupcake @the-weirdos-mind

[threadsun]

😳 (*coughpleaseeatmeCOUGH*)

So now when you say snap, do mean you’re at poetry reading and you do little snaps like that, or do you mean shove me down on the nearest surface with my hands above my head and growl out warnings, kind of snap~? Cause either way, I’d like to see it~ 😉 Also, Sleepyanon, I feel flattered that you see us as an example of flirting cause like, half of the time when I actually TRY to flirt I feel like I’m stumbling (until I feel like Howl in the first part of Howl’s Moving Castle and sweep you off your feet with charm and finesse~), but apparently I’m a HUGE flirt when I’m not so. Besides, can’t you see Sun and I are trying to write our own erotic novel here? If it’s about Jack and the gang or if it’s about whatever we’re saying to each other is anyone’s guess, but yeah! (Tis a joke btw, but thanks for helping me get back on my feet so I don’t get defeated by Sun with my new boosted ego!) In any case, me? Cute? Honey, I think you mean a living, breathing goddess who’s made anything with a pulse forget how to speak because I’m just that radiant~ What you meant to say is that I’m exquisite, yes~? So if anything, I’ve been allowing you to toy with me because I found you worthy to be in my presence, to let you in so close that you can almost taste the sweetness I hold~ But no matter, I’m only a cute little bratty sub who’s just basking in your attention, right~? ;3 Just SO hungry for anything you can provide, tongue lapping wildly at a single drop of approval~ That’s what I am~? I’d love to see how desperate you think you could make me without having half of the tools necessary to cause me to beg for you, because so far, I’m closer to being victorious in this here battle of wits~ Maybe you should be bowing to me instead of the other way around~ 😈

And that’s as good as I’ll get when I put effort into flirting 😂 Plus, I felt more defiant so~ But I don’t mind being shown off like that, though I might do a little extra just to get you fuming mad~

100%! I can just imagine the situation where his sunshine is explaining to him what exactly 24/7 domming is after they went to the next level and he’s just standing there like, “…. so what I normally do?” 😂

AWWWW I love the idea of Ian dressing up your cage so it fits your aesthetic! Putting a tiny pumpkin inside during Halloween! So cute! Jean can’t possibly fathom why they would spend firehouse funds on sprucing up a cage or getting outfits for a DOG until he sees you in a maid outfit, and oh boy. Lol. I can see Joesph taking them back to his place when he gets alittle more needy or mad at one of the guys because he didn’t like how they treated you (*coughJeancough*) and when anyone complains he’ll just be like, “They’re MY dog so I have every right to take them home for tonight.” And the whole night he’ll just be extra snuggly with you and asking a lot “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are they treating you alright? Am I treating you alright?” And you’d just have to reassure the poor baby that you’re enjoying life as the firehouse’s dog and that you still adore him as much as you did before this whole predicament. OOO! I like how Nick helps teach the other guys to practice safe sex and how to properly engage in those harder kinks! I think he’d have to correct Ian or Shaun a couple of times, Shaun because of his tendency of treating them like a cat and Ian because of how rough he can be at times (from his views of ecchi and how they react). I can definitely see “beg” being one of Rory’s favorite tricks he likes to see you perform~ Freaking Jean man, who knows how that conversation went down or who he talked to let your position become official, but jesus did he get it for you. And he’ll put in your face too CONSTANTLY! “You know, you wouldn’t even HAVE this job if it wasn’t for everything I did for you, so you can last a few more minutes, yeah? To show me how grateful you are to be the firehouse’s filthy mutt? Don’t give me that look, you’re the one who wanted to suck me off in the first place, whimpering that you felt so empty~” He’s a bit of a jerk about it, but he’s secretly grown to like you a lot more than he lets on. Shaun definitely tries to find memes of dogs acting like cats to justify making you meow for him around the firehouse the first couple times he makes you do it. “Look, I’m just saying if a dog can sing opera, then it’s not far fetched to have them meow! I mean, just look at those cute squishy cheeks! How could you NOT think hearing them meow wouldn’t be the most adorable thing ever?!”

I’m sure that the people you’ve come across who are/were going through similar experiences like you did appreciate having your support and perspective on both sides. Not only do you validate and comfort what they went through, but you give them hope that there can be something better to look forward to in the future, may it still be in sex work or not. It can be a tough process switching the viewpoint of a traumatizing experience from a negative perspective to a positive one, but it shows how strong of a person you are in all aspects.

Omggggg! That must be so nice to get to drive up there to see your brother!!! Got a fav adventure you went on with them in Boston? I think I’m like 4 almost 5 hours away so you’re so lucky you get to be so close!! But yeah!! Definitely try to get to Salem with Moon and him! I heard that during the whole month of October, people wear capes EVERYWHERE and if that doesn’t get you excited, I don’t know what will 😂 Ahhhh I gotcha! The whole, “Welp, look at this mess I accidentally stepped into!” Been there, done that! One time, I purposely went against my gut to see what would happen, and my whole being went NOPE the moment I opened the door to a place with extremely heavy energy. OOOOOO! You’ve got me interested, I’ve never heard of a mekubal before! If you’re okay with it, I’d love to learn more! I didn’t know that there’s no classification on what’s negative or positive in the realm of Jewish spirits/entities/demons. There’s so many different practices out there and variations on how to use the gifts we have that when I get the chance to learn more, I jump at the opportunity! Expanding the mind more and seeing through the eyes of others has always been a big thing for me since there’s never one right way to do things. Very big on researching lol I work with Archangels of light, Saints, and Guardian Angels of Light, but at the same time I don’t belong to any Catholic faith (pretty sure I’d be considered a witch and have been told I’m going to hell by someone I was close friends with from what I do), go to a Christian church but not connecting to their faith (I know there’s a universal energy because wouldn’t have experienced half the things I had without there being something), but I use oracle cards, runes, pendulums, crystals, all that fun stuff while getting really strong pulls from the Norse side of things (ain’t jumping into that until I have better sources to learn from. Fool me once!) and being a Reiki level 2 practitioner so I’m definitely a mixed bag here. Apparently, I also would cry every time my parents passed by a church as a baby, even before they knew one was coming up, I would constantly say I wasn’t Catholic passionately, and my baby ramblings sounded demonic so my parents at one point considered if I WAS one or not so yeah 😂 But that’s actually really interesting! As for Jack, I never considered him to be a dybbuk, but that’s an interesting theory! My whole thing, though I don’t know what kind, was basically pointing out that Jack is a demon instead of a ghost. From what I’ve learned, ghosts have free will because when we’re put on Earth, we were given free will. Demons however HAVE to follow certain rules. For example, they can’t possess a person unless the person wants them to. Demons can be exorcised. Human souls can’t. You would have to literally change the energy inside your body to make it uncomfortable enough to make a spirit leave. I’m gonna have to find my binder before I dive deeply into this but the people I’ve learned most of what I know are both demonologists who’ve fought against that stuff for years, but any information they gave to the class was based on how to protect yourself and to diminish the idea that any negative is demonic. Most of the time it’s just an angry or grumpy ghost!

Holy helllll, okay, yeah, that’s, um HOT 🥵 That just hit places I didn’t expect to hit LOL Brain goes BRRRRRR Like, most of this has been fun, innocent flirting, but like that last sentence MMPH! Getting into some dannnnngerous territory right there! If you don’t want THAT kind of reaction from me, then I’d be careful on what ya say there sir! Jussst sayin! Like, I’ve been able to stay away from horny jail, but that’s a one way ticket right there! It’s definitely a DIFFERENT feeling haha

-🎃

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm now I'm tempted to write some stuff for this firefighter AU.............. Jean absolutely didn't get it until he saw you in a maid dress and then he was like "oh okay we need to make this a full time position." Also Joseph being soooooo sweet about it, yes!!! He and Nick especially are big on checking in with you and making sure you're still up for all of it. And making sure the others give you a break if you ever need one. Not that you do~ I do love the idea of Jean holding it over your head to make you do the most depraved things for him. Because he's the reason you have a job! How can you say no to him? Poor Shaun is just hoping to convince the others to maybe dress you as a cat for Halloween or something.

Oh yeah, demons in Judaism can be good, bad, or neutral. Shedim are just sorta Dudes With Powers rather than anything particularly good or bad. Dybbukim on the other hand are pretty much always malicious/causing trouble. They're the spirits of the unfulfilled, essentially, and they're trying to achieve a particular goal. I could definitely see Jack being a demon though! And it's really cool how much you know about this stuff, I just stick to kabbalah really cause that's the culture I was brought up in, but I did take a bunch of courses in uni about witchcraft and the history of various forms of magic and folklore! They were super cool to learn about!

[ileftherbackhome]

maroon sampling a song from the rep era, an era where the word "fake" was prevalent and frequently used, and being a kaylor song and the ending of the great war being fake and a kaylor song is so ow (obviously taylor couldve just sampled a rep era song bc a lot of rep is about karlie and that was probably one reason but i feel like a lot of her production decisions are deeper than having only one reason)

Yeah, it is so ow you're right anon.

Like, let's add to that that she starts the song with her before switching to you and it's so painful. Like, I do think she is saying in part that the good parts of her relationship with Karlie weren't real love, it was fake love masquerading as real love because when you're in the lavender haze, everything looks good and amazing to you.

And so you can't really see the signs that this relationship is going to burn up, I think the choice of using maroon as the color is so interesting. I've spoken before about my many different interpretations of maroon, and like one of them is a fun one where I think she did it because maroon is more complex than the entirety of red. I can really do a lot of fun lit stuff with red and maroon because just the difference in how surface level red is versus how deep maroon is- I think it was motivated by the difference in the genders partially. Like, her heartbreak with karlie was deeper than with Jake for sure and it shines through the differences in the songs and like... in red- the lyrics they're all cliches. I think she did that on purpose.

I know ur talking about rep and I'm over here on red sorry anon but this is what ur getting right now lol but yeah red is on purpose all cliches because I think she is saying that relationship was a cliche to her- after all, she had already been groomed and abused once. I think it's very self-blaming and it was written in a self-blaming manner and so for me, maroon is also self-blaming but like in a real way?

The fact that she is taking accountability for hurting her lover in maroon, it contrasts to how she took on the assumed accountability that society was forcing on her through attacking her as a slut and a bitch and a villain but not turning their fingers towards the men in the situation. I also think it's a tell on the men being cliche and difficult to write meaningful lyrics about in a real way because they put up a facade with her precisely because it was predatory but this relationship with Karlie. This one hurt more and harder because they saw each other and still fucked it up. Like, they were good until they weren't type of deal and like sometimes being good individually doesn't mean ur good together and that's really what taylor had to learn with karlie and that's what shines to me when you take all the songs about kaylor and put them together.

Like, even maroon itself, it's specific to details and inside jokes and all the references mean something to the two women in that relationship that we will never understand because we weren't there with them and maroon feels like you're looking inside of kaylor with taylor in her mind whereas red is more of a outward perspective looking in- more like she wrote red about "oh no, I've done it again what will people say" type of way?

Like maroon is so special to me because it's the complete opposite of red in every way and that to me is indicative of it being queer alone but then you get the literal gay lyrics and I think it's fitting that she used maroon as the color. It's literally a shade of purple and you know, purple is also the color of fresh bruises. I think that's interesting, because in the great war it's definitely a retrospective years down the line changing of the narrative but maroon, you're right in the relationship and I think you can tell because the production alone is terrifying. Idk when I listen to that heavy thud, it reminds me of when I hear my blood rushing to my ears. It's so heavy handed in production, I can't help but feel like it's intentionally done to showcase how when ur in love, even the red flags can seem romantic or like a good sign.

And it's like, maroon is so heartbreaking to me because she is painting herself as the bad guy in the song. She's watching her lover sob with head in hands as they fall apart, that's so sad to me because it's an admission of guilt. Of knowing that the reason that your relationship cannot work is deeper than any of the fights you've been having. It's a deep incompatibility between the two of you that was always inherent but like fools in love, you rushed in and ignored the warning signs.

[daythieving]

log 191123

felt like garbage today. i haven't showered in three days, and i'm starting to feel very anxious about literally everything. i kind of constantly feel overwhelmed by everything, kind of like when you walk through a windstorm and it's ripping at the edges of your clothes and you can't see and your hair is in your eyes and mouth and you can't hear. i've been worrying about my girlfriend. i know something's up, but she doesn't want to talk to me about it because i have a lot going on. her heart is in the right place, but i love her, and i care so much about her that it's hard to even think sometimes. i don't think i've experienced so much love towards another person in my life. i'm worried she's upset with me, but i'm constantly worrying about messing up anyways. the thing is i know i won't, i'm not a massive piece of shit, but i don't know what i would do if she ever left me. i'm not sure if that's a healthy thing to think, but it's the truth. in honesty i think i'm worrying so much because i had i dream last night that i was dating the girl i used to be in love with in high school. it's so stupid because i think i'd rather kill myself than ever try to be with her. she's also straight, and also hates me, and i also hate her, so it's pretty clear that something like that would literally never happen. but it's been bothering me so badly and i can't really talk to anyone but you about it, because on the surface level dreaming about dating a girl who isn't your girlfriend sounds like a pretty shitty thing to do. but that's the thing, again, i wouldn't ever want to date some random fucking girl who permanently damaged my self esteem and made me start doing some not-so nice things to myself. i would rather be beheaded. i genuinely think it's because i saw my ex the other day at work (we were all friends) and i've been thinking a lot about that whole situation again. it's such a sick fucking joke for my brain to conjure up some bullshit like that. i'm disgusted. it also doesn't help that i saw another person who was friends with her today at work, again. why is it so hard not to be haunted? my life has been one of great misfortune, or something like that. but seriously, sometimes when i let everything get to me, the only thing i can think about is what the fuck did i do to deserve this? my girlfriend always says i'm too hard on myself, and i think it's from years of trying to rationalize why my life keeps repeatedly falling apart. i must be doing something wrong, i must be a bad person, i must be bringing this upon myself. when i think about it, every group of friends i've ever had has fallen to bits. i'm not even exaggerating. from middle school right to university, i have repeatedly experienced friend groups falling out. it always seems to be my problem. so when you constantly feel like you're the problem, you start to believe that you're the worst person to ever walk this earth and that you need to be executed by a firing squad. i wish i could just turn back time and stop everything from happening the way it did. i don't care about learning my lesson anymore. how many more lessons do i have to learn? i want to be happy. i want to be happy so badly. not just fleetingly, i want to happy, i want to be content. i want to be at peace all of the time. i'm so tired of momentary bliss. i want to make friends, i want to talk to other people, i want to connect with the world around me. but it's physically impossible. i think i'm just destined to be solitary. i'm tired of trying to be let in, like everyone is part of some secret party and i can only sit outside the window and beg to come inside. i feel like an idiot. i look like an idiot. i make a fool of myself every time they open the door. i think it's just better this way. i got too off topic, i apologize. this is the longest log i've written so far.

[fanfic-inator795]

Someone wanted me to write that essay of why I like this episode so much, so here it goes:

Let's start with the minor things I like before moving onto the big picture stuff:

For one, for being a sort-of bottle episode (ha), I really love the setting of the gas station - how it's so mundane and familiar, yet still has unique elements that help it still feel space-y and alien, like the poster advertising a tentacle-filled sub sandwich or the different and unique types of drinks. Speaking of which, the sound design in this ep is also top-notch - shoutout to the pop machine and all the little noises that the glass bottles make specifically, as hearing those sound effects makes my ears happy ^v^

I also really love the gas station worker-character introduced here. He's such a simple character but his dry attitude and reactions to Wander's shenanigans are some of my favorite moments in the episode. He's also got a simple yet memorable design, much like the setting of the episode itself! And of course, this episode's got plenty of jokes that I always enjoy. It's not the absolute funniest episode of WoY by any means, but there's enough here (not to mention plenty of good lines/line deliveries) to give me a few good laughs and plenty of smiles - shoutout to Wander paying with pennies and the worker's annoyed reaction to it for being a joke that always gets me.

This episode also has a really fun sort of give-and-take balance to it that makes it so fun to watch, as (again) much like the previously mentioned episodes, there's an element of surprise to where you don't quite know where things are going to lead, so you're just kind of along for the ride. Sometimes Wander's helping causes a positive thing to happen (like with the guy who had the emergency or with him deciding to clean the whole floor instead of just the spot where he spilled) and sometimes it causes a negative thing to happen. Heck, sometimes it's even neutral - see the bit where that one tree-looking guy is happy about getting his penny back, which is a positive thing, but it still leaves Wander penny-less. This results in there being a consistent pace throughout the episode despite it being such a simple little adventure/errand inside a random gas station, meaning that you never really feel bored even when Wander keeps failing to accomplish his quest.

With all that surface level stuff out of the way - whoo boy, let's talk about this episode's conflict and overall themes. In a way, it feels like a companion episode to both "The Fugitives" and "The Good Deed" (two other episodes I really enjoy and adore) in how it calls back to the ideas that those episodes introduced - namely that kindness and charity, while good virtues to have, aren't always easy and sometimes even require sacrifice, so it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.

I think this episode may be where we see Wander and his core ideals at their most nuanced, mainly because for as much as he enjoys helping others and can't help but want to help others, he still gets frustrated when having to help others doesn't quite work out in his favor. It would've been easy to have Wander shrug off every thing that goes wrong and stick to his undying optimism - but no, we see him get annoyed, distressed, and heavily conflicted with himself. And that's really fascinating and even kinda fun to see from a character like him!

"The helper seeks to help because he knows how it feels to be helpless." This is what drives Wander to help. Whether its a huge thing like feeling alone and terrified or a small inconvenience like not having that special drink or tripping over something. It's why we see him specifically go and fix the gas station's mat at the very end of the episode, not wanting anyone else to trip on it and spill their drink. He's got such a big heart that he's able to care about and empathize with complete strangers and their wellbeings just as much as he cares about his best friend - and as anyone with a hyper-empathetic nature could tell you, this can sometimes be just as much of a hinderance as it is a strength.

What really helps this is that the episode's conflict is still just a mundane problem that anyone could relate to. If Sylvia was dying of thirst and absolutely NEEDED this drink, the episode wouldn't feel nearly as lighthearted or enjoyable. But we, the audience, know that even if Wander doesn't get the Thunderblazz, it's not that big of a deal. Syl isn't gonna die of dehydration, she could just get herself another not-Thunderblazz drink or even just grab something out of Wander's hat. It's not life-and-death, it's just a matter of getting a drink she enjoys.

But it's still a big deal to Wander, which is keeps the episode's tension as well as what makes his personal conflict so interesting to watch him deal with - especially since, in the end, he doesn't compromise on his virtues, still insisting that "it never hurts to help", being willing to face Syl's disappointment and his own personal sense of failure in exchange for brightening up a young girl's day. And of course, being willing to still put that bit of extra kindness into the universe is shown to truly be worth it in the end when the little girl is inspired by it and decides to pay it forward. It's such a simple little ending, but it's a genuinely great one that's stayed in my head since the first time I saw it - and in a show that's had some pretty great episode endings, this one is still probably my favorite, or at the very least in my top 5 (possibly tied with the ending of "The Black Cube" if we're going for just the heartwarming endings and not the comedic ones).

I think that's the real magic of this episode. It isn't afraid to show how being helpful and kind isn't always easy, but it also encourages viewers to still at least try and be willing to make that occasional sacrifice for the sake of being helpful and kind. It makes the argument that kindness, at the end of the day, is worth it. It's an incredibly important moral wrapped up in a fun and still-entertaining package, and that's why "The Nice Guy" is my favorite episode of WoY.

I reached my favorite episode in my full WoY rewatch- and I’m happy to report that it still holds up AND is still my favorite ^v^

[ticklishraspberries]

To the Moon and to Saturn (Eddie/Steve)

Summary: Steve and Eddie are...something. Oh, and Steve knows how to braid hair, for some reason, and decides to show off his skills on Eddie. (Commission for the lovely @happyandticklish!! Thank you so much!! Also, the title is from the Taylor Swift song, “seven” - hope y’all enjoy!!)

Eddie Munson knew he liked boys by the time he hit high school, but that didn’t make crushing on one any easier. He already sat at the bottom in the food chain of popularity, so the last thing he needed was for people to discover one more reason to label him as a freak.

So, when Steve Harrington got drunk off of a cheap six-pack, sidled up beside him, and knocked their knees together gently, it was almost too much for Eddie to deal with. They were outside of Eddie’s trailer that evening, joined by Robin, Vickie, and Nancy, who were all sitting on a blanket in the grass, engrossed in some conversation about something Eddie couldn’t be bothered to listen in on.

“Your hair is really long,” Steve said, stating the obvious.

“And you’re really drunk,” Eddie replied, hoping the nervous lilt in his voice came across as teasing instead.

So, yeah, he found Steve hot, but who fucking didn’t? He was all strong, square jaw and fabulous hair and that goddamn smile, how was he supposed to resist? But guys like Steve Harrington were off limits, he told himself. Steve seemed like a nice guy overall, but there was no telling how he’d react to being genuinely hit on by another guy, and Eddie sure as hell wasn’t going to take that chance.

Steve reached out, wrapping his fingers around a few of Eddie’s curls, examining them for whatever reason made logical sense in his intoxicated brain. “Do you do anything to it, or does it just, like, come out of the shower like this?”

“Pretty much,” he replied. “I assume you spend hours getting your hair to sit like that, all perfect and fluffy and shit.”

Great job, Eddie. Totally not gay to call his hair perfect.

Steve gave a little pout, letting go of Eddie’s hair. “Yeah, it’s like a whole process. I’m jealous. Your hair is just…naturally pretty.”

“Pretty?” Eddie asked, feeling his face flush.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, pretty.”

The moment was promptly interrupted by Robin’s cackling laughter at some joke that Nancy had made, pulling both of their eyes over to the girls.

“I feel very left out of the joke,” Eddie said, trying to break the tension.

Steve snorted. “Robin laughs at everything when she’s drunk, I doubt it’s even funny.”

He staggered a few steps over to the cooler, and let out a childish whine at the discovery that there was no more beer left.

“Trust me, you don’t need any more alcohol,” Eddie said.

“Okay, mom,” Steve replied, rolling his eyes.

God, he was adorable even when he was being insufferable, Eddie thought. Then, he promptly tripped over the cooler and nearly face-planted into the dirt.

The girls all turned at the sound, and Robin shrieked with laughter again at her best friend’s plight.

Eddie rushed over to help Steve to his feet, trying to ignore the flutter in his chest as their hands clasped together. “Yeah, you’re definitely cut off, dude. Come inside,” he said, ushering a stumbling, giggling Steve through the door of the trailer.

Steve plopped onto the couch, looking at his scraped palms with a sigh. “Why do I always end up bleeding every time we hang out, huh?”

Eddie snorted. “Because you love to put yourself in danger. I’m just waiting on the sidelines to save your ass.”

He walked over with a glass of water and a towel to press to the surface-level wounds, nothing compared to what he had seen Steve endure, but still worthy of care regardless.

“Thanks,” Steve muttered, taking a few generous gulps of water before allowing Eddie to look at his hands, patting away the dirt and the tiny bit of blood.

“Don’t mention it,” Eddie replied, before sitting down on the couch beside him.

Steve immediately scooted closer, his face so close that Eddie could smell the beer on his breath.

“I don’t just think your hair is pretty, you know,” Steve said.

“Oh?” Eddie asked, voice cracking ever-so-slightly.

Steve nodded. “I think you’re pretty. Like, really fuckin’ pretty.”

“You’re not thinking straight.”

Steve barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m thinking quite the opposite, which is ironic considering I thought I was pretty damn straight. But then you came along and all of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about your stupid smile, or your goddamn hair—”

Eddie shut his drunken rambling up with a kiss.

It was quick, nervous, and messy, but it didn’t last long. Their friends were just outside the trailer door, and they were drunk, and the early morning hours were flying by faster than Eddie wanted them to.

As they pulled away, Steve looked happy. Almost at peace. And then Eddie was helping Steve get into his bed, ushering the girls inside and providing them with every blanket and pillow he could find, giving them free reign to sleep wherever suited them best.

Nancy took the couch, and Robin and Vickie took the floor of the living room, all whispering giggly goodnights to each other and Eddie, who chuckled fondly at his friends (which was still a word that felt foreign on his tongue, but he was getting used to it) before shutting the door to his room.Then, he crawled into his bed next to Steve, who had already fallen asleep, and put an arm around his waist, careful not to wake him.

And so, the rest was history.

They hadn’t really spoken about that night since it happened. They just continued to spend time together, and occasionally that led to making out, but there was no label for whatever they were.

Eddie was fine with that. Dating in the traditional sense wasn’t really on the table for them. He wasn’t sure if the mental image of Steve bringing him home to meet the parents was hilarious or severely depressing. Perhaps it was a perfect mix of both.

All he knew was that he really liked Steve, and Steve seemed to like him.

Speaking of Steve’s parents, they were out of town for the weekend, and so Eddie had come around for a movie marathon in the basement. He had expected it to be a group, perhaps Robin or Dustin or anyone else, but no. It was just the two of them, and Eddie’s stomach did somersaults at the realization.

He had brought a few pre-rolled joints, with Steve’s permission, and it didn’t take long for them to be pulled out and lit.

“Won’t your parents freak out if they smell this?” Eddie asked.

Steve shrugged. “Who cares?” he replied, giving a grin.

Be still his beating fucking heart. That twinkle of mischief in Steve’s brown eyes, the stupid grin, the way his lips wrapped around the end of the joint…Eddie was completely and utterly doomed.

They passed the joint back and forth until it was short enough to burn their fingertips, and while Eddie’s tolerance was quite high, he felt sufficiently light and airy, although he suspected that the weed was not the only reason for it.

After bickering about which film to watch, a neck and neck battle between Footloose (Steve’s pick) and Cujo (Eddie’s choice) which ended in a game of rock-paper-scissors, which left Steve victorious, and Eddie pouting.

Barely ten minutes into the movie, however, the two of them were cuddled up and barely paying attention to Kevin Bacon’s face on the screen. Eddie’s heart was beating far too fast for someone who had smoked a depressant, but Steve’s touch was a whole other type of drug. Whatever the opposite of a depressant was. Stimulant? He didn’t know, because he had failed biology, chemistry, and health throughout his high school career. All he knew was that he was sort of falling for Steve Harrington, and no class he’d flunked in school could have taught him how to deal with that.

Especially when Steve began running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, making him practically melt into the couch. It was a fact that very few people knew, but having his hair played with was pretty high up on the list of things that left Eddie Munson completely weak.

“This okay?” Steve asked.

Eddie could barely muster up the ability to nod. “Feels good. Like, really good.”

Steve chuckled and continued, scratching at his scalp as his eyes returned to the movie.

But just as Eddie felt his eyes beginning to droop, sleepy from the relaxing sensation, Steve stopped. He couldn’t contain the little whine that left his mouth as it ceased, and was met with a laugh.

“Can I braid your hair?”

Eddie looked at him in confusion. “You know how to braid?”

Steve flushed. “Yeah, uh, Robin taught me. Her hair is a little too short for it now, but Max let me practice on her. I’m not very good, but it’s fun. I like to do stuff with my hands, it helps me focus. Besides, you seem to like it when I play with your hair.”

Eddie could have cried at how adorable Steve was. Of course he would learn how to braid hair, especially since he apparently wanted children: 3 boys, 3 girls, which was a bit excessive in Eddie’s opinion, but whatever. The mental image of Max making snarky comments as Steve fumbled with her long, ginger hair was simultaneously precious and hilarious.

“Yeah, go for it,” he said, smiling like a fool.

He didn’t mention the way Steve’s eyes lit up when he was given permission, and his fingers quickly got to work separating Eddie’s hair into three pretty uneven sections of unruly curls. And it felt really nice, but there was just one little problem that was keeping him from relaxing.

Steve kept accidentally touching his neck and ears, and another thing that very few people knew about Eddie Munson was that he was extremely ticklish. Or, well, he was when he was younger, and assumed that was something he would grow out of eventually, but years later, the slightest nudge of Steve’s knuckles against the shell of his ear made goosebumps spread over his skin.

He was sort of dreading the day that Steve discovered it, but now that it was so close to occurring, he felt a buzz of excited anticipation in his belly. There was something oddly alluring about the idea of Steve pinning him against the couch and pulling laughter from his lips with some well-placed touches. Still, he wasn’t gonna make it easy for Steve to find out, because it was just more fun that way.

It was quiet, other than the television, although the movie had long since lost their attention. Steve’s tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration as he crossed strands of hair over one another, forming some sort of messy attempt at a braid.

Eddie was about to give himself a metaphorical pat on the back for his composure when Steve lost a piece of hair, swore softly under his breath at being thrown off track, and went to grab the hair again, and ran his fingertips over the side of Eddie’s neck in the process.

Taken off guard, Eddie’s shoulder flew up as he gave a quick shout of laughter.

The basement seemed to freeze that way, Eddie’s shoulder pressed to his ear and Steve’s hands hovering mid-air.

“Are you ticklish?” Steve finally asked.

“Nope,” Eddie replied, a little too quickly. “Not at all, I just, uh…This movie’s funny.”

Steve glanced at the screen, deeming that nothing amusing was happening, and then back at Eddie, leaning in to look at his face.

“I think you’re lying,” Steve said, a smirk spreading across his face. The braiding was suddenly forgotten as he brought a hand to Eddie’s neck and deliberately wiggled his fingers.

Eddie’s reaction was immediate; a stream of uncharacteristically high-pitched giggles poured from his lips, and he tried to squirm away from the touch very unsuccessfully.

Steve just followed, using both hands to tickle his neck, making Eddie scrunch up like a turtle.

“Not ticklish, huh?” he asked, and Eddie could hear the grin in his voice.

“Nohot at all!” Eddie replied.

Steve snorted and let his fingers wander upwards, fluttering over Eddie’s ears. Since when the fuck were people ticklish on their ears? Well, all Eddie knew was that it really tickled, if the squeal that left his mouth was any indication. He folded forward at the hips, which only prompted Steve to scribble his fingers down his back, which felt just as torturous.

Well, it wasn’t really torture. Sure, his nervous system was going crazy, but it was sort of fun. Plus, any excuse for Steve to be touching him was a good thing in Eddie’s book.

“How am I just finding this out?” Steve asked. “You save the world with a guy and he doesn’t even tell you he’s ticklish?”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Eddie cried. “Irrelevant information!”

Steve wrapped his arms around his middle, pulling him back against his own chest, kneading his fingers into the softness of his stomach. “I think that’s totally relevant.”

Eddie giggled, grabbing at a pillow instead of pushing at Steve’s hands, and tried to not read into that too much. “I doubt the Upside Down has t-tickle monsters!”

That made Steve laugh, too. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But still, I wish I knew this sooner. You’re fun to mess with.”

He felt his cheeks turn red, partly from breathlessness, but mostly from Steve’s words. He leaned back into Steve’s arms, letting his head flop back onto his shoulder, and covered his blushing face with his hands.

Clearly, that was a mistake, because Steve just took the opportunity to tickle beneath his arms, making Eddie’s laughter reach a new octave, elbows shooting down to his sides.

“You trapped my hands,” Steve said, his lips too close to Eddie’s ear, the sensation of his breath enough to tickle. “I guess I’ll just have to tickle you until you let me go.”

God, where did he learn to tease like that? It was really fucking with Eddie’s head, in the best way. It somehow made him feel twice as sensitive, which would have been overwhelming if it weren’t so fun.

“I can’t!” Eddie said.

“Can’t what?”

“Let go!” To demonstrate his point, Eddie tried to lift his arms and immediately snapped them back to his sides as Steve’s fingers wiggled, laughter growing more frantic.

Steve laughed too, and Eddie couldn’t help but think that their laughs sounded quite nice together. Almost like music.

“Come on, I won’t tickle, I promise. Just pick ‘em up a little bit,” he said.

For some reason, Eddie trusted him, stomach doing flips as he slowly lifted his elbows, and Steve surprisingly kept true to his word, pulling his hands away from Eddie’s underarms.

He gave a sigh of relief, flopping his arms back down.

The relief was short lived though, because Steve only gave him a moment to catch his breath before latching onto his hips and squeezing, causing Eddie’s entire body to spasm. Loud, hysterical belly-laughter rang through the basement. It seemed as though Steve had hit the jackpot of tickle spots, and Eddie was sure it was how he’d die: Stoned, in love, and tickled to death. What a fucking way to go, especially considering all he’d been through.

“Woah!” Steve said. “Don’t buck me off the couch, dude.”

Eddie couldn’t even grace that with a reply, too busy giggling his head off. His hands gripped at the couch cushions, desperate for something to ground him, and not really wanting to push Steve away. Sure, the laughing was sort of making his post-smoking dry-mouth worse, but he was having fun!

It wasn’t until Steve kneaded his thumbs into the divots of his hips that he grabbed onto his wrists, a newfound strength overcoming him as he pushed the offending hands away.

“Sorry, did I take it too far?” Steve asked.

Eddie shook his head. “Just needed to breathe,” he said. “That was…Shit, man, I didn’t know I could laugh that hard.”

Steve grinned. “Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t shake the whole house.”

Eddie gave him a little shove, and Steve squeezed his knee in response, making him giggle.

“You are cruel, Harrington,” Eddie said, but his tone held nothing but fondness.

“And you’re adorable, Munson,” Steve replied, leaning in to kiss him.

Adorable? Fuck, how was Eddie supposed to deal with being called adorable? He was already flustered and giddy beyond belief, but Steve referring to him as adorable had him ready to start skipping around the room like an excited child. But instead, he just kissed back.

Neither of them had noticed that the television was rolling the film’s credits, but it didn’t matter.

“You messed up my half-finished braid with all your squirming,” Steve said when they pulled back from the kiss.

“That’s completely your fault,” Eddie replied. “Now my hair’s probably a tangled mess.”

Steve looked him over, head tilted. He reached out and started fixing the aforementioned tangled mess upon Eddie’s head, his fingers gentle as he returned each strand to its proper place. “There. It’s still messy, but at least now it looks intentional.”

Eddie grinned. “Perfect.”

“So, do you wanna watch another movie? You know, since we paid so much attention to the last one,” Steve suggested, sarcasm lacing his voice.

Eddie gave a snort before a metaphorical light bulb went off above his head. “I have a better idea.”

Steve smirked. “What’s that?”

Eddie pushed Steve back against the couch cushions, clambering on top of him. Steve clearly thought it was going in a more saucy direction, so his shock was obvious when Eddie began tickling his stomach in earnest.

“Revenge!” Eddie cried, triumphant.

Steve’s laughter quickly filled the room, and Eddie knew then and there that he had fallen fucking hard. Suddenly, a boy that was once off-limits had become his…well, something. They would talk about that later, after Eddie was finished getting some well-deserved payback, and maybe another joint. Regardless, Eddie was just happy. Doomed wasn’t the right word for how he felt. Perhaps ‘in love’ would be a better way to describe it. Yeah, that sounded about right.

When he was younger, Eddie never thought he would be able to feel and express love for another boy, especially not to that boy’s face. And then Steve Harrington came around, and changed everything for the better.