#kadu jadon

[cinlat]

Getting in on the mermay action. Obviously not my art but fantastic renderings by the talented @chaosandwonder and @dingoat from the previous years of mermay. Noara and Jurr both belong to @kunoichi-ume.

[cinlat]

Whumptober 2021: Day 17

No. 17 - FIELD CARE 101 “Please don’t move!” | hemorrhage | dread

Characters: Kadu Jadon/Jurr Jinn-Jadon (@kunoichi-ume​) Fandom: swtor Affiliated Fic: Jedi Sitters

Word Count: 245 Rating: T *art by Dingoat

Kadu sucked in a harsh breath and steadied his voice. “Mri’ka, listen.” The effort of speaking constricted his ribs, and he bit back a growl.

Jurr’s hands stilled over the torn fabric of Kadu’s shirt, her single, fiery eye wide with terror. “I can’t find it.” She pressed warm fingers back into the wound and Kadu groaned. “I can’t find it, there’s too much fur. What should I do?”

Kadu took another more ragged breath before finding the strength to grab Jurr’s wrist. “Like this.” He pushed her hand deeper, trying to guide the frantic searching to the spot most likely to be the source of the bleeding. A sharp pain jolted down his legs, and Kadu hissed. “There, press there.”

Jurr nodded, blinking rapidly as if to clear the tears that she couldn’t cry. Kadu focused on the flashing lights of Jurr’s implants and wondered why she’d chosen to back up this moment. Perhaps it had been an unconscious choice brought on by emotional stress. She wiped her cheek, smearing dark fluid across her pale skin, and Kadu shut his eyes.

“Don’t move,” Jurr snapped, though Kadu didn’t remember doing so. His hand hovered between them when his eyes opened, reaching for his wife. “Just—be still.”

Kadu complied, lowering his fingers back into the rubble surrounding him. He forced another inhale, then an exhale. Each breath was a victory, each one more step closer to the future he wanted to live with his wife.

[kunoichi-ume]

3. Who would pine away in silence their entire lives without confessing their love, for Jurr/Kadu?

So funny enough it turns out that I reblogged this same ask meme over a year ago and was asked this exact thing, and @cinlat was asked it to. This was my reponse at the time:

Kadu would pine and pine, in silence and pain for his entire life if Jurr never showed a reaction to him. He has so many things conflicting with his attraction to her, being a Jedi and her dedicated healer for example. Then there is the issue of her memory and the position of trust he has been put into. He would never want her to feel like she was expected to return his feelings, or that he had someone manipulated her into them. No, if Jurr never showed an interest in him Kadu would pine for her his entire life.

Jurr on the other hand, well huge parts of her memory are lost on a fairly frequent basis and she has to save the important parts. Because there is only so much she can save, personal life stuff is often forgotten in favor of remembering what she needs to know for her occupation. This means that she would fall for Kadu over and over, never remembering that she had done it before, but never saying anything because she doesn’t expect anyone to ever want to deal with the mess that is her life. Even feels it wouldn’t be fair to ask someone to. So without him making the actual first move, Jurr would fall in love with him over and over, pining and moping over the relationship she doesn’t believe possible, until something happens to her memory and she starts the whole vicious cycle over.

So really…. both of them. These poor confused babies need one another, but it’s going to take them a while to figure that out.

I stand by this. Without something to open their eyes (or eye in Jurr’s case haha) they would pine forever. 

I also stand by this little ficlet that @cinlat​ wrote at the same time because we both got asked the same thing (apparently its obvious that one of the main pats of this ship is the intense pining before they finally find one another).

[cinlat]

Silent Fury & Stolen Moments

Word Count: 5313 Story: Jedi Sitters This is a smashup of two different drabbles written by both myself and @kunoichi-ume​ that I added more to when I realized they fit together. Brace yourselves for the ultimate fluff of a first kiss! _________________________________

Rage seethed through Kadu with a ferocity that scared him. Whatever doubt he'd had about this attachment to Jurr vanished in the face of her commander’s accusations. Normally, Kadu didn’t attend the debriefing after a mission, that wasn’t his role within Havoc. With Darvic injured and Felix refusing to leave the young soldier’s side, someone had to go with Jurr to the debriefing.

As the medical specialist for Havoc, Kadu had done everything within his power to stabilize Darvic. It had been enough to get him to Coruscant, at least. Now, they simply had to wait.

Meanwhile, Jurr’s handler berated her for poor leadership skills and demanded stipulations that would be impossible for even the most stable of soldiers to live up to. In truth, the intelligence had been faulty and Havoc had gone in unprepared. Nothing could have changed their circumstances. Jurr’s implants had performed perfectly and she'd acted as any commanding officer would have in that situation.

While Kadu had been present for scoldings before, not even his seat on the Jedi Council could have prepared him for the degradation used in a military dressing down. Jedi, no matter how angry, didn’t raise their voice in such a manner. He’d forced unwavering attention on the general for fear that if he looked at Jurr, he’d lose his shaky grasp on his tongue. It wasn’t his place to speak out in military matters. Kadu wasn’t a soldier, he was a healer on loan for special circumstances.

The ride back to the medcenter was silent. Jurr stared out the window while Kadu seethed inside. He could feel her anguish through their Force bond and struggled to keep his emotions separate. This was why the Order warned against attachment. Kadu was awash with fear, regret, embarrassment, and hopelessness; none of it his own. 

Kadu opened his mouth to offer comfort, but couldn’t find the right words. Military commanders saw only results, and a dead objective plus one wounded soldier meant that Jurr’s mission was marked as a failure. It didn’t matter that the man had been dead for hours by the time Havoc Squad arrived or that they’d been outmanned, she should have gotten there faster--fought harder.

When the taxi stopped outside of the medcenter, Jurr scanned her military stipend card and exited without looking around. She looked ahead, single eye fixed on the doors. Kadu followed, but stopped her before they entered the medcenter. 

Pulling Jurr to a secluded sitting area, Kadu took her face gently into his hands. “This was not your fault.” He kept his voice low, staying out of Jurr’s blind spot so that he knew she was listening.

Jurr nodded wordlessly, staring back at him with a watery gaze. Kadu brushed the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks before kissing her forehead. It was a risk with so many security cameras around, but one he felt worth it. Sometimes, all a person needed was to know that they weren’t alone. 

That small contact broke through Jurr’s defenses, and she threw her arms around Kadu’s waist to yank him closer. Kadu folded his arms around her, feeling the rapid breaths against his chest where her face buried in his shirt. The anger Kadu had only just pushed down roared to life again at the sound of her quiet sobs. Next time, he would not remain her passive companion; they would hear what he had to say.

Not even a minute had passed before Jurr’s breathing came under control. Clearing her throat, she pulled out of the safety of Kadu’s arms and tugged at her SpecForce jacket. “We should check on Darvic.”

Kadu nodded, his body cold without her slight form to warm him. He palmed the door open and held one hand out for Jurr to precede him to the elevators. Neither spoke while the readout ticked off floors. When he stepped off, Kadu found the rest of Havoc waiting in the small sitting area. 

Ginell Kanner stood first, offering a nod of respect and launching into an update before either Jurr or Kadu could request it. “Lewton is stable. Doc says that Master Jadon did an impressive job keeping the kid’s insides where they belonged and suggested he avoid standing so close to explosives from now on.”

Felix snorted. “Everyone’s a comedian these days.”

Jurr scanned the room, then her eye flicked to the cracked door where the corporal presumably rested. “Wharton?”

“Where do you think?” Kanner asked with a stiff nod towards the room. “She kicked the lieutenant out an hour ago and hasn’t let anyone else inside.”

“I’m not bothered,” Felix chimed with a half smirk from where he flipped through a holozine, feet propped on the little table situated in the middle of the chairs. “Girl knows more about what those monitors are saying than I do.”

Tamsin Wharton was a new transfer to Havoc. She was clever, brilliant even, and a medical student who’d somehow managed to get herself assigned as Kadu’s understudy. She took her position as medic seriously and had been known to scold anyone, regardless of rank, for foolish behavior. So far, only Kadu had been spared her wrath. Darvic was a special thorn in Tamsin’s side, like the little brother she’d lost when she was young. Kadu knew the woman was married to a soldier, but hadn’t met her husband. Tamsin kept her military life stubbornly separate from her personal life.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Kadu squeezed Jurr’s shoulder and headed towards the room to convince his student that it was time to share the patient. 

Jurr watched Kadu until he vanished through the door. The weight of the day threatened to crush her without his soothing comfort. She’d wanted to hear him say that things would be alright, but the brushes of anger through their connection only amplified her fear. No matter how well he tried to hide it, Jurr sensed his fury. She had disappointed him. That alone made Jurr want to hide away until she could get her thoughts sorted. 

Instead, Jurr faced her men. “Get some rest.” Felix opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “That’s an order, Iresso. We don’t know when we'll get the chance again. Sleep on the Thunderclap if you want.”

“Visiting hours were over an hour ago, anyway,” Kadu added while ushering Tamsin into the main area. He cast a bemused look at Kanner. “Only, apparently the staff was too nervous to kick you out, so they’ve left it to me.” He silenced the round of protests before they could begin with an upheld hand. “Darvic will be moved to a kolto tank tomorrow. Sitting here won’t make him heal faster.”

Yawns and grunts of opposition followed the Havoc soldiers into the lift. They were halfway down when Felix crossed his arms. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need a break from the cots on the Thunderclap. I want a bed tonight.”

“Getting stiff in your old age, grandpa?” Ginell teased Felix’s reflection in the polished door, then ducked when his open hand flashed towards the back of her head. Felix was the most senior member of Havoc, and Ginell and Darvic never let him forget it. The man harrumphed, but he couldn’t mask the pull at the corners of his lips. 

Jurr found Havoc a hotel close to the medcenter that would take military credit and booked four rooms. One for the Kanner and Wharton to share, then one for each of the privileged officers. Kadu could have gotten an entire suite with his credentials, but preferred simpler surroundings. 

Exhaustion wore Jurr down until she was too tired to sleep. She tossed and turned on the single bed, watched a little TV, then took a warm shower. Nothing would soothe her frantic mind. “Of all the times to have perfect memory,” she huffed at the ceiling. It didn’t have an opinion on the matter.

Finally, Jurr threw the blankets off to seek comfort elsewhere. She’d just reached for her jacket when a light rap on the door made her pause. Relief washed over Jurr instantly and she hurried to answer the request for entry. Only one person could be calling so late.

Kadu stood in the hallway, a patience smile on his face and a duffle in hand. “Can’t sleep?” Those words were as much a trigger as Trev’s ‘What’s new, JJ?’ had been when they were children. They invoked a sense of peace and well being. Jurr wasn't sure if it was intended or a byproduct of the friendship she and Kadu had cultivated.

Stepping aside, Jurr let Kadu into her room and locked the door while he set his belongings on the desk. “Did I wake you?”

“I never fell asleep.” Kadu turned and studied Jurr with the familiar expression of a man waiting for an explanation. Jurr averted her gaze and hugged her arms tight around herself. 

Kadu sighed and closed the space between them, warm palms resting on her upper arms. “Stop blaming yourself for what happened today.”

Jurr risked an upward glance when his hands rubbed small lines over her biceps. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad? I—” Kadu’s brow scrunched, fingers tightening on Jurr’s arms until she looked at him completely. “You sensed my anger?” There was a peculiar note in his voice, one that she couldn't put her finger on. 

Jurr nodded through a deep sigh, searching the room for anything to focus on instead of Kadu’s fiery gaze. “Sometimes I get flashes of what you’re feeling. It used to happen with Trev...I think, but not as strong.” Tears burned behind her right eye. “I’m sorry, Kadu, I know that I messed up, but I’ll—”

Kadu reached out with the Force before he fully realized what he was doing and tugged Jurr into his arms. She let out a startled squeak at the unseen pull before settling against his chest. 

Pressing his cheek to Jurr's unstyled hair, Kadu rubbed her back. “My anger was never with you, Mri’ka.”

“Oh.” Jurr sagged against Kadu’s warmth and let out a shaky breath. She wanted to ask what it had been about earlier, but decided that it wasn't her place. 

A yawn escaped as Jurr’s muscles unlocked. Kadu straightened his arms, turned her towards the bed, and gave a gentle shove. “Get under the blankets, I’ll be there shortly.” 

Jurr obeyed, draping her jacket over the computer chair before sliding beneath the comforter. She heard the sound of water and gargling from the fresher and smirked at the mental image of Kadu brushing his teeth. She shouldn’t find the idea of flossing those sharp fangs as entertaining as she did, but it always brought a smile to her face.  

Reaching for her drawing pad, Jurr stopped when Kadu emerged, momentarily distracted from her inspiration but the image he displayed. Kadu wore a pair of loose, purple shorts that matched the oversized shirt Jurr had chosen to sleep in. Of course, they’d been a set when he purchased them with full knowledge that Jurr would steal the top half of the outfit at the first opportunity. Kadu always slept shirtless. For such a modest Jedi master, the Cathar hated clothing.

Jurr held back one corner of the blanket in an invitation, and Kadu glided into position with a grace that she would never possess. He propped against the headboard, his right arm extended so that Jurr could nestle her blind eye against his chest without obscuring her vision. Small fingers slid through the fur on his chest, finding that spot on his ribs where her hand nestled perfectly. 

With Kadu’s firm body next to hers, and the gentle peace of their bond, Jurr drifted to sleep listening to the thumping of his heart. The day had been long and fucked up, but in this moment, she felt safe and wanted. _________________________________

Jurr woke slowly, awareness of her surroundings creeping into focus despite how she fought it. She didn’t want to wake from the pleasant dream already slipping away. Squeezing her eye tighter, Jurr curled into the warmth that beat back the reality of her life. One that helped her forget about the day and stop worrying about the injured soldier laying in the medcenter. Unable to quiet her mind, Jurr turned over and opened her eye. 

Kadu was lying next to her, one of his arms draped over her waist while he slept. She lived for moments like this, when all was quiet except for the deep, rumbling purr in his chest, and she could let herself soak in his nearness. 

The last few months had brought them closer together, often sitting with her leaning against him, but Jurr could tell there was a hesitancy in the way he touched her. Kadu would reach out when he thought she couldn’t see, then drop his hand and turn away. In those moments, Jurr’s heart tightened to the point she could barely breathe. 

Jurr slid closer to Kadu in the dark hotel room. Close enough that if she leaned forward, her lips would brush his chin, and sighed in contentment when his arm tightened around her. Jurr laid her head against the mattress, making the implants on her face dig into her skin. It was easier to pretend that they weren’t there that way; out of sight out of mind. 

It was hard to keep her mind from wandering to how life might be different without them. Jurr had tried for years not to ponder too closely, but now she couldn’t seem to stop herself from daydreaming about it. Would Kadu still hesitate to touch her if she were beautiful? If she wasn’t scarred and broken, a patient in need of his care. Could he care about her if she were whole? 

In all of Jurr’s spotty memories, no man had ever drawn her attention the way Kadu did. He was exquisite, his features fascinating to her artist’s eye. What Jurr wouldn’t give to be able to draw him exactly as she saw him, but her work never did him justice. Jurr often found herself lost in thought while watching him. When Kadu noticed, his smile made her heart race. 

Carefully, Jurr raised her hand to brush the fur on Kadu’s shoulder, smiling at the feel of it under her fingers. What would it be like to caress him openly like this? Jurr touched Kadu often but rarely as intimately as she desired. Never able to explore his body with the reverence he deserved.

Kadu drifted into consciousness with a sense of relaxation that frequently eluded him upon waking. Too often the effect of leaving a dream was jarring, and more recently, disappointing. Before the Cathar opened his eyes, he felt the feather-light touch of cautious fingers combing through his fur. Opening his mind, Kadu found Jurr’s essence awake and...curious. He steadied his breathing, faking sleep to see how far she would go this time. 

It was a ridiculous notion, Kadu welcoming Jurr’s touch the way she craved his. Even more so to think that he coveted hers. He was a Jedi Master, attractive and bound by rules that Jurr didn't understand. If the Cathar was going to break his vows, it wouldn’t be with her.

There was a word for what Jurr wanted, a small one that she hardly dared think of because the lack of it in her life hurt so much. It was an impossible dream, one that couldn’t come true. Not like the nightmares that clung despite being unable to retain the memories that caused them. Terrors that drove Jurr from her bed into the only comfort she knew, and the one place she felt truly safe. 

Kadu fought down the shiver that threatened to give him away. Jurr’s fingers danced along his arm, tracing muscle and sinew hidden by his fur. A mental image mapped out where stripes wrapped around his ribs as he followed her caresses. Kadu swallowed the growl of desire bubbling in his throat for fear of scaring Jurr away. 

For weeks they’d danced around a topic that neither could afford to acknowledge. A chemical attraction built between them, growing stronger every day. The mere scent of Jurr passing through a room was enough to trigger Kadu’s possessive instincts. He grappled with the drive to claim her, the emotions linked to that need too complex to put into words. Kadu had no desire to dominate, but he must protect. There was no interest in caging, but a vast pride in displaying this woman as his. Someone who would claim him as hers.

This is wrong. Jurr was taking advantage of Kadu’s kindness, but she couldn’t bring herself to stay away. She couldn’t remember ever sleeping better than she did in Kadu’s arms, and Jurr never felt more at peace with the chaos in her mind than in his presence. However long he would allow these moments of respite, she would take them and sort out her guilty conscience later. 

With a quiet sigh, Jurr lifted her hand from Kadu’s body. Maybe it would be best to break ties now, to force herself out of his bed and back into her lonely room to face unknown demons alone. Would it hurt less when he finally moved on, or should she cling to these moments and hope they kept her company in years to come?

“Don’t stop.” The voice was husky from sleep, but Jurr’s spine stiffened as if he’d shouted.

Slowly, two glowing embers appeared in the darkness. Jurr swallowed, caught between embarrassment and hope. When she didn’t move, Kadu’s hand traced up her spine to toy with the loose strands of hair draped over her ear. “Please?”

“You don’t mind?” Jurr asked with less hesitancy than she felt. Her stomach flipped at being found out, and she wondered how many other nights he’d laid awake while she fantasized about the impossible.

Kadu arched his back in a feline stretch and scooted close enough that Jurr could feel the heat from his body. “It’s soothing.” She blinked into a face barely visible in the dim light from the chrono, unsure of how to respond to his request.

Long seconds passed while Kadu waited for Jurr to make her choice. He prepared himself for her flight with some excuse about paperwork. Open acts of physical affection terrified the Havoc commander for reasons he still hadn’t figured out. It took gentle maneuvering when they first met just for Jurr to allow him medical access to her body. What he craved now blurred those lines completely. He wanted Jurr to know that she held absolute power over him, regardless of how she chose to wield it. 

Slowly, Jurr’s hand lifted, then settled on the side of his face. His eyes drifted shut, purr intensifying when her fingers slipped into the hair behind his ears. Shivers of pleasure danced across Kadu’s skin as he angled his head to offer Jurr better access to his scalp.

“You really like this?” Jurr asked, fighting down the thrill of combing through Kadu’s soft hair. He slept with it unbound, letting the shoulder length locks fall in messy disarray. She’d always wanted to touch it but that felt too intrusive. He’d always been fond of his hair.

Kadu hummed, peeking one eye open to gauge Jurr’s reaction. A pleased smile tugged at the corner of her lips, sinking him deeper into this unexpected attachment. A small growl escaped when Jurr licked her lips, and she stopped mid-stroke. 

Taking Jurr’s hand in his, Kadu lowered it until her palm was pressed against his bare chest. Heart thumping rapidly, he held her there until he was sure that she felt his pulse. Low light vision allowed Kadu to see Jurr’s eye flick to their joined hands before returning to his face. Kadu wondered what he looked like in the dark, and delighted in the lack of fear emanating through their bond. Her trust meant everything to him, ratcheting up the guilt that came with these forbidden feelings swelling in his chest.

With his free hand, Kadu tucked a strand of vibrant hair behind Jurr’s ear and thumbed one of the many piercings marking it. “You are beautiful, Mri’ka.”

A small, derisive snort threatened to unfocus Jurr. “I get it, you’re sleep talking.”

Kadu chuckled and inched closer, trapping their hands between them. He felt Jurr’s chest expand and retreat against his forearm with every breath and held her gaze. “I assure you that I am very much awake.”

Any closer, and Kadu would cross a line that he’d sworn to stay away from. For months, he’d tiptoed closer, letting this small, forgetful soldier inside defenses that had remained impenetrable since his youth. “Jurr—” Trev was going to kill him. Kadu had sworn to behave honorably around his friend’s sister. He’d looked the Hero of Tython in the eye and promised to protect Jurr from even himself.

Jurr waited, sensing a trickle of unease snake between them. Kadu’s gaze was intense, like whatever weighed on his mind might shred the fabric of reality if he didn’t keep it at bay. It frightened and excited her. Jurr wanted to know what came next while he stared at her with so many conflicting emotions. Her pulse raced through veins that felt too small, skin tingling where their arms held magnetic bodies at bay. It was the closest Jurr had ever come to being intimate with a man, and the thought of Kadu in that light made her shiver. She stamped down those thoughts before they could take root and disappoint her again.

Kadu’s fingers followed Jurr’s ear lobe, then slipped behind her neck. The warmth encouraged a sigh that she managed to keep to herself. He let out a shaky breath, then repeated her name. “Would you forgive me if I kissed you?”

Jurr blinked, head tilting back to expand her view of him. Surely she’d misunderstood, or perhaps it was an inside joke that she’d forgotten during her last memory reset. She started to tease back, or maybe explain that she didn’t know what he meant, but stopped. There was no mirth in his tone. What if— “You want a kiss,” Jurr asked after a careful pause. “From me?”

“It’s all I can think about,” the Cathar admitted sheepishly, but he didn’t move away. “I can content myself with what we have now if that is your wish, but I can’t pretend that I don’t want more.”

Hearing her wishes voiced by Kadu had struck Jurr dumb. A million questions flitted through her mind, but one voice rang clear. A core memory surfaced, Trev’s acne covered face serious in the light of the artificial garden where they met as children. Always ask yourself if it’s dangerous, Jurr. Can this hurt you?

Jurr never understood why that fragment survived all the resets, but her big brother’s advice had saved her from many hardships. The answer to Trev’s question was yes, so much. If Kadu let her in, then turned her away later...Jurr wasn’t sure she’d survive it. 

“What if—” Jurr began, then licked her lips again. A strangled sound escaped Kadu’s throat, the pressure on their joined arms increasing fractionally before he settled back again. Jurr swallowed and asked the question that had weighed on her mind for several weeks. “What if it’s only our bond making you feel this way?”

Kadu’s heart sank into his stomach. A part of him was proud that Jurr approached his request with a healthy dose of cynicism, but the romantic in him had hoped that she’d melt into his embrace. Conceding, Kadu steadied his voice. “You could be right.” 

Jurr looked away, but Kadu tugged her chin back around. “It’s given me access to the purity of your soul, Mri’ka. Let me see into the light that drives everything you do. You’re been given every reason to turn bitter and cold, but have stayed compassionate and warm. There is nothing that I don’t adore about you.”

Throat tight, Jurr gave a stiff, muted nod. Kadu’s words rang in her ears, jumbling together and reforming over and over. She felt the sincerity through their bond and sank into the warm glow that chased away the shadows of her night.

Kadu closed the scant space between them to brush a chaste kiss across Jurr's lips. He couldn't risk her changing her mind, not when he was so close. Kadu swallowed Jurr's gasp, keeping his fingers loose so that she could pull away. His skin flushed several degrees hotter, body awakening with frightening intensity. Every point of contact between them felt magnified until Kadu could no longer tell where he ended and Jurr began. Golden light flared in mind, catapulting their bond into a new level of intimacy that bordered on painful.

Colors danced behind Jurr’s eyes, breath mingling until she wasn't sure who it belonged to. The light pressure against her lips lasted only seconds, but the moment was imprinted on her for life. Or it would be once she added it to her backup database. Kadu’s mind touched Jurr's briefly, but it was enough to expand her senses into something otherworldly. 

Grudgingly, Kadu withdrew and dragged in a shaking breath. Every instinct demanded that he pin Jurr to the mattress and explore her mouth more thoroughly, but the timing was wrong. Small steps, one centimeter at a time or he'd ruin when they’d built so far. He should push her away, perhaps scare Jurr into never wanting to see him again but Kadu didn’t have the strength. He was damned to turn his back on a lifetime of achievements within the Order. The eventuality of choice had become inevitable, and Kadu already knew which path he’d take. 

Jurr couldn't catch her breath. With her eye closed, Jurr's system cranked up the detail from her other systems. Kadu's warm breath washed across her face, quick and jagged. His heart thumped beneath her hand, musky scent filling Jurr with images of sunsets on the beach. He was everything essential in her life.

“Am—” Kadu cleared his throat and Jurr opened her eye. He flashed a crooked grin and steadied his voice. “Am I forgiven?”

“For what?” Jurr asked, forehead scrunched in confusion. Kadu smoothed it away with his thumb before tracing his fingers along her cheek, down her jaw, and finally settling on her lips. “Oh, that.” A nervous, high pitched sound escaped around his finger, one that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. Jurr put the back of her hand to her mouth, eye wide in astonishment at sounds she’d never made before.

Kadu couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face. It had been a crystal bell of pure joy, one that he’d caused. Pride swelled in his chest until Jurr’s hand lowered slowly. In place of overwhelming happiness from before, cascaded disbelief and fear. Kadu moved away, preparing for the panic that dogged the heels of such an intense experience.

Pushing down his euphoria, Kadu tweaked the sting that connected them through the Force. Jurr’s emotions tumbled around, shifting more rapidly than Kadu could follow. He’d expected the fear to come the moment their lips touched, but she’d been—relieved. Now…

Kadu moved slowly, propping on one elbow so that he could look down at Jurr. “If I upset you—”

Jurr gave a sharp snap of her head. “It’s not that…” she trailed off, fumbling for the right words. The conversation had become nothing more than choppy words and incomplete sentences since Kadu had woken to Jurr’s fingers tracing the lines in his fur. She wanted to unburden herself, but she felt so...confused.

Kadu’s hand hovered over Jurr’s hip. She felt the brush of his mind and tried to relax enough to grant him access. Maybe he could pluck it from her thoughts, or whatever he read while rooting around in her head. Sensing that it was safe, his hand settled on the blanket that covered her legs. She tried to imagine all the ways that this could go wrong. What if she forgot him? Would Kadu have the patience to spend months wooing her again? If Jurr lashed out in a moment of confusion, would he run away?

An inner scoff rang in the back of Jurr’s mind. Kadu hadn’t wooed her, he was simply too polite to tell her no. Or maybe he was lonely too. If someone else came along, wouldn’t he lose interest in a woman who might not remember his name tomorrow? Each scenario rolled over Jurr, pushing old doubts higher until they threatened to smother her. 

Tears gathered in the corner of Jurr’s eye, but she couldn’t look away from Kadu. She needed to see his reaction, that was the one thing she was good at, taking cues from others' expressions. “What if—”

“No.” The abrupt answer startled Jurr to silence. It carried with it a note of authority and something akin to anger. Jurr shook her head, unsure how to respond until Kadu’s thumb brushed the moisture from her cheek. “That won’t happen.”

“You can’t know that,” Jurr countered, her voice pitching into hysteria. 

Kadu moved closer so that the only thing separating them was a few inches of blanket. He’d made his choice months ago. She was the only woman who could ever hold his heart. “I can,” he answered simply. Cathar mated for life, but Jurr wasn’t ready for that type of commitment yet. He could sense the shivers of doubt taking root in her heart already.

When Jurr tried to argue, Kadu hushed her with a tender smile. “I’m certain, Jurr.”

They stared at each other for a long time, Kadu gently coaxing Jurr closer to the truth while she came up with every reason that he was wrong. It wasn’t communication so much as mingled feelings traded back and forth. Eventually, Kadu chuckled with the pent up strain of a circular battle. “You’re going to have to trust me.”

Trust was the only thing that Jurr held close to her chest. Trev had warned her time and time again not to trust too easily, and she’d done that. Jurr was cynical, closed off from everyone. Now, Kadu wanted that rare commodity for the price of his word that he wouldn’t abandon her heart to the cold corners of her mind. 

“It’s okay,” Kadu whispered, tucking hair behind Jurr’s ear. “I’m not going anywhere. Take whatever time you need.”

Calm rolled through Jurr, starting in her extremities and turning inward until there was no doubt left that what she’d done with Kadu had been the right thing. It might hurt later, but for now, it felt nice to be wanted. “Okay,” she decided almost before realizing it. If Kadu wanted her trust, then Jurr was willing to give it. But, only to him. He’d kept her alive and stayed by her side through two memory wipes already. Kadu had earned that much, and Jurr knew that he’d never push her into anything she wasn’t ready for.

“Okay?” Kadu asked, hope breathing new life into his voice. His hand slid from Jurr’s hip, skipped across her waist, and settled on the muscle of her bicep. 

Chills raised on Jurr’s skin where Kadu’s thumb traced circles over her sleeve. She forced a shy smile, attention focused on his lips. “I trust you.” A grin split the frown he’d worn before, displaying a row of sharp teeth. Jurr shivered and met his gaze. “Would you kiss me again?”

Acceptance, total, and unconditional. They’d crossed a line that Kadu would ponder later. For the moment, he wanted nothing more than to feel Jurr’s soft lips on his. The consequences could wait until morning. 

Path chosen, Kadu cradled Jurr’s cheek and leaned forward. “It would be my deepest pleasure.”

[cinlat]

Omg they look AMAZING. These two fluff buckets are 100% angst and pining and all the heartache. Jurr letting Kadu kiss her scared cheek is such a big deal and he knows it. And 8 absolutely love that she's in armor and he's half naked. This Cathar beach boy will always stripped down to his board shorts the second he gets a chance. What's the point of having fur if he's gotta keep it covered all the time?

@kunoichi-ume’s Jurr and @cinlat’s Kadu, two absolute sweethearts that I was naturally pretty stoked to draw again!

[kunoichi-ume]

Dust motes

Send me a number and I’ll write a micro story using the word or phrase Thanks for the prompt! Sorry this took so long, as you know but others don’t, is that I’m back at work for real now and writing hasn’t been happening much lately.  Character: Kadu Jadon (who belongs to @cinlat)

Story: A JS adjacent AU where Kadu and Trev are both the “Outlander” because separating those two guys from their wives was too tempting not to do. 

Word Count: 1164

Dread wasn’t something Kadu was used to entertaining. Usually it was easy for him to reach out to the Force and calm any nerves and anxiety he was feeling, finding a sense of balance and making it possible to get on with whatever he needed to do. For the last month that sense of balance was impossible to find. 

Except five years and one month of unease  was closer to the truth. His entire imprisonment had been torture, not because of Valkorian’s presence - though he hadn’t enjoyed that - but because from the moment he was frozen in carbonite the Force bond he had with his wife had gone silent. No broken, or muted, but silent as if it had never existed to begin with. Try as he might, Kadu could not figure out why that would happen. If she had died, and even the thought of that made his heart hurt, he would feel the frayed and broken edges of their bond. 

As comforting as that was, his certainty that she was still alive, it didn’t answer his most pressing question: Where was his wife? 

From the moment Lana had rescued him, Kadu had been desperate to seek her out. Trev had come out of carbonite to find message after message left for him from his wife Kira, not one of which even mentioned Jurr. Not that he expected them to, though the two women were for all purposes sisters-in-law, but even the lack of that unlikely clue about his wife fed into his state of near constant panic and fear. 

Kadu knew Trev was worried about his adopted sister as well, but between the Alliance Lana had all but forced into his hands and the presence of Valkorian latched onto his mind, Kadu’s fellow Jedi and childhood friend had his hands full. That left it up to him to find out what had happened to Jurr and, honestly, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He had to be the one to find her. 

It had taken weeks longer than he wanted for Kadu to get away to seek her out, eventually ending up taking Trev’s old Defender that Theron had recovered. This was his first stop in what he prayed to the Force would be a short search. Nar Shaadda, the Hutt city world where they had decided to make a home. It wasn’t perfect and someday Kadu had dreamed of taking Jurr to a planet with picturesque views to paint, but it was perfect when they were newlyweds. 

Kadu had not acknowledged it, but deep down he’d been hoping the closer he was to their home that even a shadow of their Force bond would resurface. Instead, even as he stepped up to the front door of their apartment, that empty space in his mind remained vacant. He reached for the access panel but couldn’t stop his hand from trembling. That unfamiliar fear that had haunted his steps since escaping Zakuul reared up again, whispering in his mind that she wouldn’t be here. That he would never find her. 

With a growl, rumbling deep in his chest, Kadu forced those fears away. He would find Jurr, she would be here. She was going to be there, just on the other side of this door, with a bright smile and a quick joke about him being late for dinner. There was nowhere else Jurr should be than here at their home. Bolstered by his own stubborn assurances, he pressed his hand to the keypad and unlocked the door. 

The light from the city behind him spilled into the dark apartment, illuminating the dust motes floating through the air. The only sound, other than the never ending hum of the busy planet, was the ventilation system. 

Kadu forced himself to step into the room, his feet feeling like they were weighed down. Jurr had never been the most tidy of people, but the layer of dust he could see covering the couch, table, everything, was more than she would allow to build up. Was the housekeeping droid broken? Had she hit her head and forgotten to turn it on again? 

His thoughts raced as he explored the abandoned space, desperate to find an explanation other than his worst fear - that Jurr hadn’t been in their home in a long time. He hated the idea of her not having a home, or being hurt and unable to return somewhere she was comfortable. Had she forgotten where it was? He had given her the equivalent of a medical id bracelet not long after they got the apartment, the address listed just in case, but what if she lost that as well?

Despite the pain weighing heavily on his heart, Kadu managed to keep his composure as he stepped into Jurr’s studio. If not for all the dust it would have looked like she had just stepped out for a moment, her supplies laid out across the bench, a large canvas propped up on her easel. It was exactly how he remembered, and it felt like just the other day he was seated in the center of the room, making her giggle as she reprimanded him for not staying still while she sketched. 

The memory made him smile. He’d always found it adorable the way Jurr’s brow furrowed when she was concentrating and she’d stick out her tongue when something wasn’t going the way she wanted. Kadu always loved smoothing his thumb over her forehead, making her relax some of the tension in her expression. Curious, he stepped around to the other side of the easel to see what she had been working on the last time she’d been home. 

Kadu gasped, jerking away from the easel the moment his mind registered what he was seeing. His foot slipped on something and he fell backward, landing hard on his tailbone and sending dust flying into the air. Usually he would have been able to correct his balance with the Force, but was so stunned he didn’t even try. 

The canvas was only partially painted, bold brushstrokes of dark browns and rich colors he recognized from his fur, dark lines that were reminiscent of his stripes but it was the bright, fiery orange paint that made his chest constrict with pain. It wasn’t just any painting of him, Force knew Jurr enjoyed using him as inspiration, but the exact one she had been working on all those years ago. 

Eyes burning, Kadu stayed on the dusty floor unable to tear his eyes away from the painting and what that painting still being there meant. Jurr hadn’t been in their home, not for any significant amount of time, in five years. Painting was how she processed emotions, she’d never leave an unfinished piece like this. 

Amid the fear and pain churning in his gut one question was at the forefront of his mind, one his very soul was pleading with the Force to answer. 

Where was his wife?

[kunoichi-ume]

23: Relieved Kisses, for Jurr and Kadu?

Oh thank you for asking for this one, I really enjoyed getting into Jurr’s head here.

Kiss Prompt List

Characters: Jurr Jiin and Kadu Jadon (who belongs to @cinlat)

Word Count: 1296

Story: Jedi Sitters

Jurr was used to being in situations where she didn't really know what was going on, or what was expected of her. Bullshitting her way through entire days, entire missions, that she excelled at that - she had to if she wanted to stay in the military. If anyone other than those she trusted entirely knew how often she was missing pieces of her memory she would be benched. Permanently.

On the days when she really struggled to keep up appearances, she wondered if that would be for the best; if someday her deficiencies were going to get someone she cared about killed.

Sitting next to a hospital bed waiting for Kadu to wake up she couldn't help but tally up the ways his injuries were her fault. Felix and Darvic had tried telling her she wasn't to blame, that the Imperial soldiers who ambushed their camp were, but they weren't looking at the big picture. If not for Jurr, Kadu would be on Tython, serving on the Jedi Council and most importantly - he would be safe. Not lying in a hospital bed, looking as pale as possible for a male covered in fur, bandages wrapped around his chest and head.

That was the part scared her the most - his head wound. Realistically Jurr knew most people could get hit in the head without forgetting everything. It happened every day. But she had never sat next to the man she loved, who soothed her fears and showed her what real life could be, and faced the unknown. When would he wake up? Would he wake up? Would he look at her with the same blank expression she gives him every time her memory is damaged?

The very thought makes her chest ache. How can he do it, Jurr wondered, staying by her side even when it must kill him when she looks at him as a stranger, when she refused to accept the second memory upload he always offered so kindly? Because he loves you a quiet voice in the back of her mind whispered, easing the tension she felt with that simple but significant truth. Kadu loved her and never doubted her; she needed to do the same.

Sighing heavily, Jurr pushed out of her chair and paced the length of the small room Kadu had been sleeping in for the last few days. He's going to be okay, he has to be. The desperate pleas repeated over and over in her mind, as if their presence in her mind would make it true. The actual truth was, Jurr wouldn't be able to function without him anymore. Even the last time her memory wiped, when she first woke up with the first upload live in her brain, she knew something was wrong. Like there was something just outside of her view on the left, where she would have a clear line of sight if she had both eyes. Something that was always gone when she turned to look. That feeling only went away when she braved the second upload and everything snapped into place.

Kadu was so much more than just her lover and doctor, he was the foundation of her entire life.

If he never woke up, it would be the end. She wouldn't accept another personal medic, she'd be relieved of duty and either stuck at a desk or discharged. Trev had pulled a lot of strings, using his position in the Jedi Order, to help get her the position she had but without the key factor that made the brass trust her mind would be steady enough to preform.

Jurr wasn't ready to end everything, her career, her life, but... she paused in her pacing and looked at his still form, if he ever asked? She'd give it all up in a heartbeat if he would be at her side. Shaking hands gripped the foot of the bed and she willed him to wake up. To shift. Anything to let her know he would be okay.

Stubbornly, Kadu stayed still except the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

Muttering a curse between clenched teeth, Jurr raked her hand through her hair. It was loose around her ears, parts still matted together from the product that had held up her mohawk the day he had been injured. She couldn't bare to leave him long enough to wash up, afraid of what she might miss. She only had clean clothing because Felix had thrown a few of her things into the bag he brought for Kadu when he woke. Her gaze landed on the hand resting on his stomach and despite her fragmented memory of their past, she remembered drawing those hands. She remembered the way he would cup them around her own and laugh about how dainty she was compared to him.

Grabbing her datapad, Jurr pulled her chair around to the other side of his bed, right next to where his hand was. Opening the sketch program, she gave into the sudden need to draw his hand curled around her own, their fingers intertwined. She laced her fingers between his, using her free hand to maneuver his the way they would naturally clasp her hand if he was conscious. Propping her datapad on the bed she started to sketch.

Art had been her coping mechanism for fear for as long as she could remember, for whatever little her memory was worth. Somehow her brain couldn't hold on to memories of learning the actual techniques but they were ingrained so deep she never truly forgot it. Like field stripping a rifle, it was something she didn't need to know her own name to be able to do. Focusing on the lines that formed their hands, the strength in his long, graceful fingers, the squared off edges of her nails, the rest of the world faded away as Jurr lost herself in the process of capturing the image in front of her.

"Hold still," she murmured when his hand shifted as she was shading the spaces where their fingers met. His fingers twitched again and she sighed, "really Kadu I'm trying to-"

The stylus slipped out of her grip when she looked up and saw bright, fire orange eyes watching her. Her eye watered and she didn't even try to keep the tears at bay. "Kadu? You're awake?"

Lips curling into a soft smile, Kadu lifted a hand to wipe some of the moisture off her cheek. "I am sorry if I scared you."

Jurr covered his mouth with her hand, "don't apologize, not when you're hurt."

Wrapping his other hand around her wrist, Kadu pulled her hand away from his mouth but instead of releasing her rubbed his thumb back and forth across the scarred skin on her arm. "I'm fine Jurr, I promise," he reassured her before frowning, "how long has it been since you slept?" When she answered with a half hearted shrug, Kadu pulled her into the bed, arm wrapping around her shoulders to hold her close.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Jurr kissed the steady pulse in his neck. "I am so sorry," she whispered, knowing he would hear, "I am so sorry I put you through all of this and forget you over and over."

Kissing her temple, Kadu relaxed back into the hospital bed and smiled. "Now who needs to stop apologizing?" he teased, running his hands through her hair to scratch her scalp the way he knew she loved. "It's all worth it when you remember me Jurr. Every time."

Sniffing, Jurr pressed herself tightly against him, needing to feel his warmth. She needed this and she needed him. Now she just needed to find a way to never forget him again.

[cinlat]

Hell yes he does. Jurr loves them. I love what you did with his stripes. They are so perfect.

I Fin’aly-n remember to post it.  OKAY SORRY IT WAS BAD PLEASE DON’T HURT ME I M SORRY!!!! Bref. I’m pretty proud how he looks like and the cosmos window behind him. He is so pretty!!

So. This is the first prize of my art giveaway some weeks month ago, the lovely Fin’alyn from @vagabond1925. Thanks you very much for your patience and trust!

It was a pleasure to draw all of your awesome oc. Just a little reminder:

Xhareen from @aliyamirat, a sith warrior who jokes! ~

The lovely Ysha of @di-szvue

Another Jela of @dottiechan in a fancy dress!

Kadu from @cinlat , who read cheesy romance novel but sht! We didn’t said it loud.

The badass Crys’taa from @missyminer2255

One of my favorite couple that I have draw until now, Aitahea and Erithon of @shimmersing.

Razi'lziveri of @melissagt , definitively my favorite jedi.

Bonus prize to @sassheliosazuras who choose to ask me something to cheer up @aspyforthethrone

Thanks you all for your kind return and put your oc in my hands! I hope you like them like that! I have try my best to show their personality.

[kunoichi-ume]

22. Questioning kisses for Kadu/Jurr

Thank you! I know you love the angst... and this almost was angsty, post nightmare comfort and then this happened. I am not sorry. 

Kiss Prompt List

Characters: Jurr Jiin and Kadu Jadon (who belongs to @cinlat)

Word Count: 466

Story: Jedi Sitters

Jurr squirmed away from the sensation of short fur brushing against the side of her neck. "There too."

"What about this?" Kadu asked, a teasing lilt to his voice a second before she felt him brush his lips and fur against the other, scarred side. She shook her head where it was perched on her folded arms.

"Not so much there," she said, turning her head back the other way to catch a glimpse of him over her shoulder. She was on their bed, bare back on display as she laid on her stomach. What had started as a massage, working a new medicated lotion into her scars, had turned into a very unprofessional experiment as he cataloged all her ticklish spots.

Fingers dragged along her spine, claws out just enough that she could feel the tips poking against her skin. Jurr lifted her head, stretching her back to draw out the sensation as long as possible.

Kadu laughed, a deep masculine chuckle, before pressing a kiss to the base of her spine. "You liked that." Unable to make herself admit it aloud, Jurr nodded her head and he rewarded her with another pass of his fingers across her skin. Open mouthed kissed followed this time, lavishing her skin with warmth.

Not so long ago this would have been unthinkable, baring her skin to someone else and feeling so comfortable. Kadu had a way of making her forget her insecurities, like how he never looked at her in disgust when she changed or avoided feeling the rough texture of her scars. In fact it was like he couldn't get enough of her skin, smooth or gnarled, and took every possible opportunity to show it.

Jurr jerked away with a squeal when he touched a spot on her left side. Flipping over, she glared at him when he started to laugh.

"That really ticked, did it?" Kadu reached for her side again, fingers just brushing over the ticklish spot before she wrapped her arms around her bare waist.

"Yes," Jurr hissed, "it did." Even though she was getting used to his touch, being tickled was very uncomfortable. She suspected it was more the loss of control than the sensation, but that didn't change her knee jerk responses when something really tickled.

Moving with a deliberate slowness, giving her every opportunity to move away if she wanted, Kadu crawled across the bed and positioned himself over her lower body. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the smooth skin just below her belly button. "And here? Do you like that?"

The heat in his eyes made her breath hitch and Jurr felt her cheeks burning. "Yes," she said, the admission little more than a breathy sigh.

Kadu grinned, hooking his fingers under the waistband of her pants. "Good."

[cinlat]

OC Kiss Week 2020: Day 6 (Kadu/Jurr)

Day One (Balic/Elara) • Day Two (Fynta/Jorgan) • Day Three (Theron/Zolah/Vector) • Day Four (Fynta/Jorgan) • Day Five (Ma’at & her sons)

On the trials of marrying a woman who could forget you at any moment.

Prompt: Fancy Word Count: 699

Kadu sat with his legs crossed, eyes closed while he attempted to meditate. The mattress beneath him was soft, though smelled stale from disuse. Kadu tried to keep his mind in the now, focusing on a single, minute detail and clearing his mind of all else, but his consciousness wondered. Before he could stop it, a tide of fear nearly dragged him under.

Gasping, Kadu’s eyes snapped open. It wasn’t his fear, he was sure. Sealed doors and the limited distance provided by the ship couldn’t dull the Force bond he shared with Jurr. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed not to rush to comfort her. This was something Jurr had to do on her own. He couldn’t force the choice of whether to accept the memory stick he’d given her or to move on in ignorance of what had been.

Kadu fingered the small device that hung on twine around his neck. He kept a backup of Jurr’s private memories as a safety precaution, turning to it during moments of weakness when dread threatened to overwhelm him. There was always the chance that Jurr would view this as a trick and disregard those truths. To leave him utterly alone. 

Giving in, Kadu inserted the memory stick into his datapad and leaned against the headboard. A smile crept into place, sad, but nostalgic. He’d started wearing a recorder months back, adding his perspective to the clips that Jurr chose to save for cases like these. Now, she could watch a three dimensional experience that gave her more information than she’d had during the actual event.

“I’m not going out like this,” Jurr complained as soon as the clip started. Her cheeks were flushed, face peering around the corner of their room. “I look ridiculous.”

Kadu gently coaxed her into the open. He remembered grinning, thinking that he’d never seen a more beautiful woman. Jurr had forgone the standard mohawk, letting her vibrant locks hang around her face. “Please?” 

Jurr sighed and stepped into view, arms out like she wasn't sure what to do with them. The pale blue silk whispered across her skin, flowing with the slightest movement. The neckline was modest, covering the scars that she hated so much, with long sleeves and a skirt that brushed the tops of her feet. “You look amazing.”

Snorting, Jurr rolled her single eye but Kadu felt the satisfaction through their bond. Her hands slid over the beaded bodice, smile spreading though she tried to hide it. “It really is nice.” Then, she sighed and dropped her arms. “I can’t go out like this. I’m sorry.”

Kadu closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Jurr’s forehead. “I have a plan B.” When she’d mentioned the idea of a fancy date, he’d sworn to make it happen. Kadu knew his wife, and that she was still skittish about stepping outside her tidy world of military order. Lavish expenses and situations that she couldn't disassemble like a rifle made her nervous. 

Jurr leaned back, playful suspicious dancing in her bright, golden eye. The lights flickered on her implants and Kadu knew that she was recording the moment. He smiled. “I ordered in. Your favorite.” Offering his arm, Kadu put on his Barsen’thor voice, as Felix called it. “My lady, would you kindly join me for a romantic dinner in the briefing room?”

The memory ended with Jurr's acceptance. They’d laughed and loved that night, taking advantage of having the ship to themselves. Kadu’s heart squeezed at the thought of never sharing those moments again. With a growl he shook those thoughts away. Jurr had always come back to him, she would again. He needed to have more faith in his wife and trust in their connection.

Kadu turned off the datapad and settled into a comfortable position to begin his meditation again. He’d just drifted, sinking into himself and letting his pulse slow, when the door slid open.  Kadu reached out on instinct to find an uncertain but determined lifeforce waiting for him to acknowledge her. 

Without opening his eyes, Kadu smiled and held out his hand. He didn't breathe again until delicate, calloused fingers wrapped around his.

[cinlat]

Old Favors

Word count: 2310 Characters: Trev Brawlin & Kadu Jadon Story: Jedi Sitters

So, I’ve been editing some of mine and @kunoichi-ume AU story and I ran across this one of Big Brother Trev hitting his old friend Kadu up for a favor that will change all of their lives forever. More about young Trev and Jurr can be found under the Space Punks tag.

_______________

“I’m going to the fucking void.” Padawan and visitors dodged out of Trev’s way as he strode with purpose through Tython’s Jedi temple. He hadn’t seen Kadu Jadon in almost ten years. The Cathar had been busy during that time, halting wars, brokering peace agreements, mounting an army… And rescuing one Jedi too drunk on his own power to see the danger right in front of him.

Though Trev didn’t remember much about the circumstances that freed him from the Emperor’s grasp, he’d been given a list of names of who to be grateful to. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to see his childhood friend at the top of volunteers. They said that Kadu had taken part in the healing process, but had been called away before Trev regained consciousness.

That was two years back, and Trev was ashamed of how the time had slipped away. He’d always planned to contact Kadu, to reconnect, but it had never happened. Now, Trev had arrived to broker a favor that might trap his old friend in a position that had no escape.

Am I trading one person’s happiness for another? The question popped into Trev’s mind, startling him into missing the next step. Kadu had a good thing going on Tython. He was a teacher, a medical specialist, just like he’d always wanted. Hell, the Cathar even had a seat on the Jedi council. Now, Trev was going to ask the Cathar to give it all up so that his little sister could have a shot at a fulfilling life.

It had taken nearly a year of careful maneuvering between Trev and the current Havoc leaders to convince both the Republic and the Jedi Council that Jurr’s unique position could provide important intelligence into how the mind worked. Of course, all the leaders saw was the chance to use that information to gain an upper hand in the war. Trev just wanted Jurr to feel her worth. If no one told her this was an experiment, she’d never know. She could be happy.

All too soon, the designated door came into view. It looked like every other in the hallway, with gilded arches and decorations that were meant to project subtle class. Kadu was supposed to be in his quarters, preparing for his time in the medical ward. Trev had considered finding him there, just to ease some of the tension of seeing an old friend after so long. But, the topic of their conversation was classified. This would be worth it.

Taking a deep breath, Trev rapped his knuckles on the door. It snapped open before his hand fully descended to show the startled expression of a man who was once like a brother to Trev. Kadu’s face broke into a wide grin that exposed a wealth of sharp teeth a moment before the Cathar snatched Trev into a tight hug.

Trev grunted, then nearly stumbled back when Kadu held him at arm’s length. “Trev Brawlin.” Kadu gave Trev’s shoulders a rough shake while he looked him over. “It’s great to see you, old friend. You seem to have recovered well.”

“Yeah.” Trev rubbed the back of his neck and pulled free of Kadu’s grasp. “I hear a lot of that is down to you. Thanks, I mean.”

Kadu waved a dismissive hand as he stepped into the room, offering space for Trev to follow. The Cathar wore the standard brown robes of the teaching class. The slacks were tailors but loose, with a plain, tan undershirt that displayed a lot more muscle than he’d had the last time Trev had seen him.

“Damn,” Trev laughed as he stepped into the room and palmed the door shut. “You grew up.” Kadu had been tall and lanky. Now, he sported broad shoulders that the baggy over robes that covered the shirt wouldn’t be able to hide. He’d grown at least five inches since then too. Trev wasn’t used to feeling small.

Kadu laughed, grabbing one of the folding chairs for Trev. There was a small bed against the far wall, tucked under a window just like when they’d been kids. Kadu had always preferred being closer to the outdoors. Apart from that, only a simple desk and standalone rack stood in the spartan apartment. Trev shivered and thought back to the lavish decorations in he and Kira’s apartment. He wouldn’t go back to this kind of living for anything.

“So,” Trev began, turning back to face his friend. “What does a Barsen’thor get up to these days?”

Kadu grimaced. “Please, don’t use that title. It’s been nothing but trouble.” Trev felt his eyebrows raise at the unexpected outburst. Clearing his throat, Kadu continued. “Forgive me, you didn’t come here for my complaining. What can I do for you?”

“What makes you think I’m here for anything other than to visit an old friend?” Trev asked, then laughed at Kadu’s answering smirk. Somehow, the Cathar managed to make it a non-threatening expression, which is why Trev had come to him. “Okay, fine, I need your help.”

Folding his arms, Kadu nodded. “What have you gotten yourself into now?”

Kadu had always been the responsible friend who could be counted on to get Trev out of a jam. “Not me, this time.” That topic sucked the mirth out of the room. “Do you remember my sister?”

“Jurr?” Kadu asked with a nod. Trev had spoken of the spunky girl over the years, entertaining Kadu with her more outlandish antics. “Is she alright?”

“She is.” Trev looked around the apartment, searching for some way to take the awkwardness out of what he needed to say. “Look, I’m shit at this, so just going to jump in. Jurr has been offered the promotion of her life, command of a SpecForce squad. However, with her handicap, she needs a guardian who can handle her case.”

Kadu’s brows drew together. “I’m not sure how I can help, I not on the Council anymore. Perhaps I could ask around for a specialist to — ”

“No,” Trev interrupted, then stopped when Kadu’s words sank in. “What do you mean you’re not on the council anymore?”

Kadu looked out the window and blew out a breath. “I gave up my seat after that debacle with…” He trailed off, gesturing at Trev. Nothing else needed to be said. His time with the Emperor had left a scar on the soul of everyone who had been involved. Rumor had it that several of the Masters hadn’t approved of the way the situation had been handled, but Trev hadn’t heard of any of the council members stepping down.

When it became clear that Kadu wouldn’t elaborate further, Trev pushed forward. “I need someone I can trust, not a random stranger. Jurr’s a special case. Stubborn, loud, and angry when she forgets.” Memories from the past threatened to overwhelm him, of all the times Jurr had lashed out in fear or went along with a plan she knew nothing about because someone in authority told her to. “She’ll be at a distinct disadvantage, surrounded by people who could hurt her.”

“I see.” Kadu stroked his chin, the wheels turning while Trev waited in impatient silence. “You want me to be this, minder, for her?”

Trev let out a long breath, grateful that he wouldn’t have to go into more detail. He’d come up with a list of ways to convince the Cathar to take the job, but hoped that none of them would be required. “Yeah. I know you won’t abuse her, and with your medical training…” Trev gestured at Kadu. Damn, he should have brought Kira to help smooth this over.

“So, you’ll insert me as the medical specialist,” Kadu guessed, features softening with understanding. “I’m not well versed in traditional procedures,” Trev felt his heart sink until Kadu continued. “But, I’d be willing to brush up on them if you answer me one question — honestly.”

Wincing, Trev squared his shoulders. Kadu had always bartered with information, not the kind that could be used against the individual, but that made them search their own soul. Trev hated soul searching. He huffed in irritation and flopped into the chair with crossed arms. “Fine.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Trev’s muscles tensed, but Kadu didn’t seem to notice. The Cathar lowered on to the edge of a thin mattress and leaned forward to pin Trev with those fiery eyes. “I’ve watched you rush to that girl’s aid over the years. I understand the responsibility you feel. But, your entire life has been about keeping her out of harm’s way. Why push for this move into one of the most dangerous fields in the military?”

“Because,” Trev paused, eyes narrowed. He’d never considered that angle before. Throughout the entire process, Trev had refused to look too carefully at his own motives. Exhaustion settled over him with a gentle nudge through the Force. Kadu had always been stronger in that aspect, able to bend the minds of damn near anyone, including seasoned masters. He never crushed when a nudge would suffice, and he didn’t mask his motives.

Trev rubbed a hand through his hair and forced himself to meet Kadu’s gaze. “Jurr’s not going to make it to old age. Not with everything going against her. She’ll forget something important, or simply catch a bolt in the field, and that’ll be the end.”

Shifting his attention to the floor, Trev recalled the dead look in his sister’s eye when he picked her up from the last medcenter. Her life had no meaning, and when she was gone, no one would remember the poor, forgetful soldier. “She deserves to be proud of something. And, she’s a damn good soldier. If not for the accident, she’d have made officer years ago. Her instincts are good, she just needs a solid support team.”

A gentle hand rested on Trev’s knee. “I’ve been stationed on Tython for nearly a year.” That was it. Squeezing his eyes shut, Trev prepared to let himself out of the room and bit Kadu a happy life when the Cathar sighed. “It would be nice to see the galaxy again. No doubt your little sister could teach me numerous techniques to help with her situation.”

Trev jolted upright, staring down at his old friend. “You’ll do it?”

“If she’ll allow it.” Kadu didn’t stand, but propped his forearms on his knees. “Like you said, stubborn. I doubt a woman like that would approve of a stranger coming in to babysit her.”

“You’d just need to gain her trust.” Trev paced the small width of the room, then stopped when he realized what else that would entail. Shit, he should have thought of that before. Turning, Trev weighed the pros and cons, heart pounding with fear of what he was going to have to teach this male how to do. “You’d — need to bond with her.”

Kadu’s brows shot north. “Like you did?” Trev gave a wooden nod. When Trev used the Force to imprint himself as a safety net into Jurr’s consciousness, they’d been children. It had been solely to calm her panic when her memory banks failed. Allowing an adult male, even one as righteous as Kadu, that kind of power to her made Trev’s stomach draw into a tight knot.

“Yeah.” Trev’s voice sounded hollow as he drew out the word. Countless scenarios flitted through his mind, everything from Kadu being able to heal Jurr’s mind, to the unlikely, but vivid images of his old friend taking advantage of a woman who’d have no other option but to trust him.

Kadu stood, no doubt sensing Trev’s unease. “I’ve performed similar rituals in the past. Healing bonds that put the patient at ease. Those were always short term and faded over the course of a few days.” He crossed the room to lean on the window sill, staring out over the picturesque landscape beyond. “What you suggest is a permanent connection.”

“Yeah,” Trev repeated, managing to elongate the word even more. “You’d be able to convince her of anything…” he trailed off when Kadu turned to look at him. The men stared at one another, the silence filling with all the ways that this could go wrong.

Kadu broke their stalemate first. “I’d need time to prepare. There might be a way to create this bond while keeping my own emotions separate. When did you need me?”

Trev blew air through his lips and looked around the room. Kadu was Jurr’s only hope. He was a good, honest man. The kind who covered his eyes during sex scenes in holofilms because he felt it was disrespectful to oggle the actress. “I uh, I was kind of hoping you’d travel to Coruscant with me on the next flight out.”

“Tomorrow?” The word was a choked off laugh that contained zero humor. Trev nodded.

“She takes her new posting next week.” Trev’s chest felt tight, the back of his eyes stinging. Now that it was real, he couldn’t help but wonder if this had all been a major mistake.

Pushing away from the window, Kadu grabbed his over robe and pulled it on. “There is much to do.” He started for the door, then paused to give Trev a sideways glance. “The Force bond will be Jurr’s decision. I will not persuade her one way or another. We’ll discuss the available options, then go from there. I’m sure she’ll call you for advice.”

“Thank you,” Trev said as Kadu palmed open the door. He couldn’t put into words everything he was grateful for, but then, Kadu had never needed words. The Cathar nodded, his expression grave before vanishing into the hallway. Trev stood in the middle of the sparse room a little longer and said a silent prayer to the Force that he hadn’t just ruined two lives.

[cinlat]

Kadu Jadon. Fluffy surfer boy. Chill Jedi. Married to his favorite scatter-brained soldier. Unwilling Master of stubborn Padawan. Prefers baggy shorts and no shirt to constricting armor or Jedi robes. Barsen’thor. Jedi Healer. 

[kunoichi-ume]

Jurr and Kadu, @cinlat‘s adorable cat man, went hiking across the Tythonian wilderness together. Of course they were repping their Huttball team colors along the way. 

[cinlat]

OCs Cuddle Tag

Rules: For each of your OCs, rate how cuddleable they are on a scale of 1-10.

Tagged by: @tishinada (okay, this looks like fun)

Tagging: @villainship @aliyamirat @sunsetofdoom @brehha-swtor and @kunoichi-ume

*cracks knuckles* This might take a moment...I think I’ll stick with first generation.

Fynta Wolfe (Republic Trooper): *Artwork by dingoat​

Fynta gets a solid 8, now: Cuddling is new to Fynta. She’s always been up for sex, but letting someone touch her body while sleeping or relaxing has always been an absolute no-go. However, once a certain, surly Cathar entered her life, all of Fynta’s preconceived notions of romance were turned on their head. Now, she loves nothing more than to lay in Jorgan’s arms and feel his fingers playing in her hair.

Kadu Jadon (Jedi Consular): *Artwork by dingoat

Kadu​ get a well-earned 10. This fluffy surfer Jedi dude was cuddling his now wife long before either of them admitted their feelings, simply because it made her feel better. As the former Barsen’thor, his inclination has always been towards peace. After stepping down from the council and following his heart into the healing arts, the ability to touch others in a soothing manner often helped his patients heal faster. That was played to his benefit all the more after receiving Jurr as his ward. It didn’t take long for the normally suspicious soldier to find that her favorite way to relax was nestled between his arms and legs with her back against his chest. Often times, they wouldn’t even speak while she drew and he read. Eventually (after a looooong time of pining) it turned into a romance, and the cuddling only became more intimate. 

Ma’at Stasma (Sith Inquisitor): *artwork by the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond

Ma’at is giddy at a 9. Ma’at was convinced from an early age that the most she could hope for was a husband who wouldn’t try to kill her. As the daughter of a prominent Sith family (I took liberties with the slave theme and made it more about duty and responsibility than the literal interpretation of the word) She was promised to Tuathal (The Emperor’s Wrath) through an agreement between their parents. Once they met, they fell madly in love, and she finally let her guard drop. While Tuathal is her beloved and respected husband, not to mention father of four of her children, including their heir, her love expanded to others down the road. Talos kept Ma’at from growing lonely while part from her husband, and fathered her second oldest son. Later, Lana stole another piece of Ma’at’s heart through her calm logic and clever wit. Once her trust is earned, Ma’at is loyal to a fault and willing to share everything.

Zolah Holran (Imperial Agent): 

Zolah gets a 3. As a spy, cuddling was always a hazard, or a tool. While she trusts Vector and Theron implicitly, years of light sleeping has made it difficult to relax while another person touches her. This doesn’t mean that she won’t wrap her arms and legs around either man in her sleep, but Theron equates that more to a military move than proper cuddling. 

Notiac Carlo (Jedi Consular):

This one took a while, but Notiac finally worked herself up to a 5. Strict adherence to the Jedi Code made this connection with Lana difficult, but luckily, Sith are a stubborn lot. After months of Lana’s gentle encouragement and quiet advances, Notiac finally let down her guard enough to accept a Sith’s affection. She is still uncomfortable with public displays of affection, though has graduated to not flinching when Lana’s hand brushes hers while they work. In private, she loves nothing more than to settle on a sofa with a glass of wine and watch a holovid with her lover’s arm entwined with hers.

Cinlat & Verin Ejnar (Bounty Hunters):

Cinlat gets a 2, while Verin would love a higher number. Let’s go with a 7. Cinlat’s no nonsense personality, combined with an early life as a pit fighter on Hutta, made for a code disposition that didn’t lend towards an easy relationship. Verin still fell stupidly in love with his badass boss (he totally has a thing for older women, too). While he’d had loved to have spent hours in her arms, he respected that Cinlat wasn’t fond of being touched. She showed her love with playful barbs, and shooting anyone who looked at him wrong.

Hira’niafan (Smuggler):

Despite her cantankerous disposition, Hirani is a cuddlebug. She gets a 6, simply for being a bitch. Koth doesn’t mind her sharp tongue, most of the time. These two can go from sweet kisses, to shouting, in a matter of seconds. No matter the grievance, they work well as a team, always come back to each other, and usually resume where they left off. Hirani likes to prop her feet across Koth’s lap while they relax and let his fingers massage her lekku. 

Kaeto Vaa & Kozen (Jedi Knight/Sith Warrior):

These two get a combined 3. Physical contact is less of the thing than mental contact. Kaeto and Kozen literally live inside one another’s head. They accidentally created a Force bond that can’t be severed while both live, and it has led to a strange sort of love between them. While both sexual creatures, the intimacy comes from their combined meditations where they open their minds to one another.

Balic Cormac (Republic Trooper):

Cormac gets a 10. There is no way this giant puppy could get anything other than the highest score. Whether it’s spooning with his wife, Elara, chilling with his best friend, Fynta, or watching cartoons with his son, Tayl, physical touch is important. Even Jorgan has given up fighting Cormac’s “bro-hugs”. Oormac needs everyone around him to know that they are loved and appreciated, and he’s not ashamed to be the one who tells them. 

Sadio Edan (Smuggler):

I’m going to rank Sadio as a 7. She’s not afraid of physical affection, but she’s cautious with whom she shares it. Torian was the exception to that rule, and managed to worm inside her defenses a lot faster than she expected. Given their respective jobs keep them apart, these two make the best of everything during the stolen days in between missions. 

Solish Rasik (Sith Inquisitor):

Solish gets a 4 simply because her cuddling usually involves claws. Luckily, she found the right kind of masochist in Andronikos. She isn’t likely to crawl into his lap and go to sleep, but after sex, Solish is as pliable as a kitten. Andronikos has all the scars to prove it, and thinks it’s adorable that she kneads him while falling asleep. He’d never admit that out loud, of course. 

Nahir Par-Jorgan (Republic Trooper): 

Being raised in a Cathar family, Nahir gets a 9. Physical touch and grooming are a large part of her relationship with Aric and their triplets. Cheek rubbing, scalp scratching, and all other manner of touch are important ways of showing affection. Nahir sleeps best when she’s completely wrapped in her lifemate’s arms.

Mama Wanda (Bounty Hunter): 

Being past her prime can’t keep Wanda from enjoying life’s little pleasures. She gets a 7. Until Bey’way Aygo, Wanda hadn’t found another male who could hold a candle to her departed husband. This scruffy, sharp-witted Bothan Admiral stole her heart with a sheepish grin and a bottle of whiskey. Even with her adoration of the male, all cuddling ceases at bedtime and her joints demand a pillow between her knees to soothe aching hips, and another at her back to keep from rolling over and aggravating an old injury. With his own career in the military, Bey’wan has his own bedtime routine. While awake, though, these two are not afraid to hold hands and kiss cheeks in front of the young guns. 

Let’a Payach (Buff Avacado):

I’m still learning this one, but I think Let’a probably gets a 6. She adores her giant lug of a husband, and has no problem cuddling up to him for a late night holovid. If they’ve been working out and he stinks, all bets are off until after the shower. Likewise, if she’s hot or uncomfortable at all, she doesn’t want to be touched and might lash out if Ripn doesn’t take the hint.

Verin & Keshal (Mandalorians): 

Verin finally gets his 7 through his second marriage to Keshal, who earns an 8. After losing Cinlat on Yavin 4, Verin vowed to never let his woman out of his sight without her knowing just how much he cherished her. When they first met, Keshal and Verin were constantly at each other’s throats. After their married, Verin was thrilled to discover that his new wife loved massages, head rubs, and foot rubs. Keshal was likewise excited to find a man who was willing to give her those things as her previous husband had a thing against touching feet. That became even more important when she became pregnant with their first child. While too old for fatherly hugs, Verin finds other way to show his adopted son affection, and Tranx can’t escape Keshal’s rib cracking embraces no matter how far he runs. 

[kunoichi-ume]

In Character Interview

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

@cinlat tagged me awhile ago to give her Jurr’s answers in response of Kadu’s here.

1. What is your name? 

“Jurr Jiin Jadon”

2. Do you know why are you named that?

She screws up her face like she is trying really hard to remember. “I think my brother helped me choose Jiin and that Jurr was all I could remember of my name when I was admitted to the hospital as a kid.” She pauses before grinning, “Jadon is my husband’s family name.”

3. Are you single or taken?

“Pretty sure I just answered that, weren’t you listening?”

4. Have any abilities or powers?

She laughs, “if you consider being able to forget my entire life at the drop of a hat, sure, why not?”

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"Or what?” she asks, single eye narrowing into a challenging glare.

6. What’s your eye color?

“Kadu calls it amber but I think it’s more like gold.”

7. How about your hair color?

“Red,” she answers before frowning, “can’t you figure that one out for yourself?”

8. Have any family members?

“Blood family is overrated,” she scoffs, folding her arms across her chest, “but then mine never came looking for an amnesiac teenager. Kadu is my family, as is his padawan, my squad and my new service dog Brutus.”

9. Oh? How about pets?

She gestures at the large Akk Dog sitting next to her. “What do you think? Kadu worked for a long time with my brother and another Jedi to get our squad listed as a canine unit so I could have Brutus. He is like a pet with all sorts of bonuses - like he will bite the face off anyone who annoys me.”

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?

“Being underestimated because of my disadvantages, I might not remember all of it but I know I worked damn hard to get to where I am.”

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

“Art, I spend a lot of time sketching and painting. I also enjoy watching art programs and listening to Kadu read.” Her face flushes adorably, “and lately he has been trying to teach me to swim.”

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

“Yes, and yes I meant to and will again when, not if, it comes up.”

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Yes, that’s the life of a soldier. Kill the enemy before they kill you.”

14. What kind of animal are you?

“I’m not sure, though Kadu might say I am an octopus with how I latch on to him at night.”

15. Name your worst habits?

She grins. “I am terrible with names.”

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My husband of course, for how patient and caring he is. He deals with a lot more of my shitty life than he should have to.”

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

She frowns, tapping her fingers on her chin as she thinks. “Could I answer with ‘Kadu-sexual’?”

18. Do you go to school?

“I have vague memories of going through an adapted course at the Republic Military Academy, they accommodated me but I don’t think it was by their own choice.”

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“I’ve got half of that down but,” her voice trails off and she stares at her lap, “kids is out of the question. Not just because Kadu and I couldn’t get pregnant, but what kind of mother could I be when I can’t even guarantee I’d remember my children’s faces in the morning? It’s impossible, I don’t know anything about being a mom and no kid deserves to deal with my shit.”

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

“Oh yes, so many,” she says, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Didn’t you know? It’s every kids dream to grow up and have half their brain destroyed so they can be someone’s science project and forget their own name.”

21. What are you most afraid of?

“My implants breaking beyond repair. It will happen someday, even if they just wear out, not tech lasts forever.”

22. What do you usually wear?

“Armor, PT gear,” she smiles, “and Kadu’s shirts.”

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“Kadu makes the best pancakes in the entire galaxy. I don’t even need to remember eating anyone else’s to know I am right.”

24. Am I annoying to you?

“Little bit, but I won’t remember this by next week so I’ll get over it.”

25. Well, it’s still not over!

“You know I could be painting right now, right?”

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

“As a soldier I guess low? I don’t really have a good understanding of classes of society, comes from forgetting everything all the time and growing up in a hospital.”

27. How many friends do you have?

“More than I ever expected. Hell, some days i am still stunned I have one. I don’t make a habit of loading many of my memories of growing up but I do know I spent years in that facility and only one person ever gave me the time of day. I quite literally owe my life to Trev because without him I wouldn’t be where I am today. Or even that I’d be alive.”

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? Where?”

29. Favorite drink?

“Sweetberry juice or hot cocoa - and if either is spiked with something a little stronger all the better.”

30. What’s your favorite place?

“Anywhere I am alone with my husband.”

31. Are you interested in anyone?

“Not particularly, I learned early on that interest was a waste when your memory is a fickle as mine.”

32. That was a stupid question…

“If you look over this interview, I think you would find a lot of them are. Even I don’t have to ask people sitting across from me what color their hair is.”

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Her face pales, “I can’t really swim without Kadu there to support me in the water so I’d rather not do either if it’s all the same to you.”

34. What’s your type?

“Like as in men?” She cocks her head to the side and smiles, “someone big and strong enough to rip you to shreds with ease.”

35. Any fetishes?

“I am not familiar with that word, cold you define it for me?”

36. Camping or outdoors?

“I don’t see how that is a ‘or’ question. Can you camp inside?”

[kunoichi-ume]

Fluff starters- “Stay the night—please?”, with Jurr?

Prompt List: Fluff Friday Starters

Characters: Jurr Jiin and @cinlat‘s Kadu Jadon

Word Count: 2500

Thanks for asking @sunsetofdoom! Sorry this didn’t really happen on Friday, but obviously it got a bit away from me.

It had beena very rough day. Enough so that Jurr was convinced her bruises had bruises. Being tossed around by a Sith had no business hurting that much through her armor, because that had been all but useless.

Granted she hadn't been skewered or broken anything, but her annoyance still stood.

Doing her best to hide the limp she was walking with, Jurr trailed behind the rest of the crew on their way up the Thunderclap’s ramp while scrolling through her datapad. She hadn’t made any notes for the day even though she probably should, but she was tempted to let this awful day disappear the next time her implants failed.

Trev would chide her for that one, giving her some faux Jedi wisdom about how even bad experiences were an opportunity for growth but it would be a lie. Somehow, she always knew when her big brother was lying because he thought it was best for her. Usually because he didn’t believe that crap either.

Once on the ship Jurr dropped herself into a chair in the common room to rest her leg while the rest of the crew stampeded into the fresher. It was a communal shower, the military wasn’t big on privacy after all, and had enough shower stalls for everyone to shower. Despite that, Jurr never showered at the same time as the others.

It was the one place she couldn’t hide from the ravaged nature of her body and while previous postings had forced her hand, so far she had managed to keep her scars to herself with Havoc.

Opening her sketch program, Jurr started drawing random lines across the screen while trying to ignore the laughter and horseplay she could hear from behind the closed fresher door. It always sounded like they had so much fun in there and it was hard not to feel left out but she knew the play would end if she tried to join. The sudden silenced laughter and stunned expressions of her squad mates the last time she tried to be one of the guys was one horrible memory she didn’t allow herself to forget, lest she risk it happening again.

“Is that Kadu?”

Jurr jumped at the voice in her ear, pulling the pad close to her chest and twisting in herchair to see Kanner grinning at her knowingly. “Of course, it isn’t,” she said quickly, scowling up at her subordinate. That was still such an odd concept to her – people reporting directly to her.

“Whatever you say top,” Kanner grinned, using the nickname for a first sergeant, and patting her shoulder as she turned and headed toward the barracks.

Jurr sighed in relief as the other woman walked away, moving the pad to study her in progress piece. It did look like Kadu, though she hadn’t intended it to. The angular face was unmistakable as were the stripes along the cheeks. She sighed again but this time in annoyance. Her fixation on her resident medic was getting out of hand.

In the past Jurr had never had much time for other people in general, there was always a wall of misunderstandings and mistrust that kept her from getting attached to others. It was therefore confusing and annoying that she couldn’t get him out off her mind. She was acutely aware of his presence at all times and often had to stop herself from watching him out of her single eye.

It was an irresistible temptation. Kadu’s body fascinated her. It wasn’t just his alien features, though she loved exploring the different details of his face and often sketched it in a futile attempt to capture his likeness. It was his perfect physique, the way his body easily dwarfed her own, and the soft, striped fur that covered it. He was so strong but had never been anything but gentle with her.

It was that dual image of him Jurr found so alluring, he could rip her apart with his barehands. The same hands that healed her when she was hurt. Held her while she slept. Her third sigh in as many minutes was one of longing and resignation.

It was nice now, getting to spend that time with Kadu, but it couldn’t last forever. Eventually Jurr was going to have to start sleeping in her own bed, nightmares be damned. Deciding there was no time like the present to start trying, and before she could wimp out again, she used the edge of the table to support herself and she stood. Her knee protested and she grimaced before pushing the pain away to make the short walk to her bedroom before the others finished their showers.

Once in the privacy of her own room Jurr hissed in pain, dropping the mask she lived behind to stumble across the room and fall onto her bed. She didn’t even care that she was stillin her dirty armor, clean sheets were far from her first concern.

Jurr had just decided to sleep that way when a knock on her door interrupted her peace and quiet. Groaning, she pushed herself back off the bed and staggered over to the door.

It wasn’t a surprise to find Kadu at her door, damp hair pulled back and dressed in his causal attire. “Hey,” she said, leaning against the door to take the weight off herleg. “Need something?”

Kadu gave her a knowing look and she rolled her eye at him. It was frustrating that everyone around her always knew more about what was going on than she did.

“Don’t give me that look Jurr, I Just want to make sure you were alright,” Kadu laughed. “Don’tthink I didn’t notice you limping.”

Jurr pouted,“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“And filthy,” Kadu added, handing her a towel. “Fresher’s clear now. Get cleaned up,comfortable, and come see me.”

“That an order doc?” Jurr accepted the towel, hugging it to her chest and smiling up athim.

“Definitely, now go,” Kadu said, gesturing toward the fresher.

Jurr nodded and, after grabbing a few articles of clothing, hurried over to the fresher as quickly as she could. No one had ever asked about it, but it was obvious to the whole crew how their CO avoided the fresher when it was occupied. It hadn’t taken long for Kadu to start informing her when it was safe to go in, especially after a mission.

It was like an unspoken pact between them. Kadu never said why he was doing it, Jurr never let on that she knew the answer to it. Like her sleeping in his bed, it was just one of those things between them that she was afraid to bring up.

Just like Kadu had said, the fresher was completely empty when she walked in. The air was still humid from the rest of the squad’s showers and she smiled at the warmth. She hadn’t noticed she was cold until walking into the sauna like room. After stuffing her clean clothing into a locker, Jurr quickly stripped off her uniform and ducked into a stall as fast as possible.

Years of quick showers had made them a methodical step by step process for Jurr. She didn’t linger or soak in the hot water hitting her skin. Instead she wanted to be done before she had to spend too much time with her body uncovered. It didn’t matter that no one was there to see her scars, she was never comfortable with them being visible.

From the top of her head and all the way down her left side, Jurr’s skin was mottled and rough with burn scars. They trailed down her arm and leg, even around her ribcage and partly across her left breast. Very little of that side of her body had survived the accident that destroyed her memory intact though she did have to admit they looked better than the little of her early years she remembered. Less red, less easily irritated, though still as rough and dry as ever.

Jurr grimaced at the feel of them as she washed the day’s grime and sweat off, hissing occasionally when she pressed too hard against a bruise. Once she was satisfied her skin was clean she worked on her hair, using her special shampoo to wash the thick glue out. She didn’t remember when she had started styling her hair so elaborately but, like her need for a caf as soon as she woke up, it was one of those muscle memory things she found herself doing without a second thought.

It was one of the unique parts of her appearance she actually liked. Jurr had a theory it was because she chose it, like the three sets of earrings she wore. No accident forced her into it and, as far as she remembered, no one had influenced the initial decisions. It was all her and anything Jurr could claim that way was very important to her.

True to habit, as soon as Jurr’s hair felt clean she turned off the water and dried off quickly. Just as rushed she pulled on her clean sleep clothes over her still damp body. She had grabbed a pair of loose pants, because she knew Kadu was going to want to examine her leg, and a blue oversized shirt he had given her with a grinning cartoon akk dog on it. She smiled down at the adorable animal as she dried her hair.

Once Jurr was satisfied she draped the towel over her shoulders to catch any remining moisture and left the fresher. Stepping into the cooler air of the rest of the ship made her shiver. Ignoring the pain in her leg, she hurried across the ship to Kadu’sroom. She just wanted to get his examination over so she could crawl into bed and sleep.

Jurr’s cheeks warmed at the thought of crawling into his bed before she remembered that she had to stop doing that. Crestfallen she knocked on his door.

Kadu was smiling when he opened the door, but his expression fell when he saw the frown on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“My leg hurts, remember?” Jurr put on what Trev called her ‘bullshitting’ face, hoping Kadu wouldn't press much farther than that. She didn’t want to have that particular conversation.

“We’d bettertake a look at it then.” Kadu stepped aside so she could enter. Like scouting the fresher for her, this too had become an unspoken part of their routine. Jurr hated medcenters and the small medbay on the ship was more than close enough to make her uncomfortable so for smaller injuries they used his bedroom to treat them. It made for a far less traumatic experience all around.

Jurr walked past him, doing her best to walk as normally as possible, and sat on the edge of his bed. Pulling a chair across the room with the Force, Kadu sat close enough that she could reach his thigh to lay her leg across his lap. She leaned back on her hands as he started pushing her pant leg up.

Tilting her head back, Jurr focused her gaze on the small flashing light overhead. Kadu’s hands were warm and his skin was so soft against her own. She was glad that it was her right leg she had hurt, someday she would have to let Kadu see her scars in a medical setting but it was a relief that the first time he examined one of her legs it was the flawless one.

The side of her body that was a glimpse into what could have been her life.

Kadu’s hand brushed over her knee and Jurr hissed at the pain. He probed around the joint, obviously gentle despite how much it hurt.

“Oh Jurr, you did a real number on your knee today. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Jurr shrugged halfheartedly, lifting her head to look at him, “it didn’t hurt much, is it really that bad?” She was doing her best to play at nonchalance, but her heart was racing. Knee injuries could get bad, require surgery. She did not want that.

“Not surgery bad,” Kadu answered, giving her a comforting smile, knowing exactly where her mind had gone. “You will need to take it easy for a while, no weight on it fora few days and we’ll ice it too.”

Nodding, Jurr watched as he pulled a few supplies closer with the Force. With the kind of focused intensity that she often gave her art he massaged kolto into her knee and wrapped it in a clean bandage. When he was done, Kadu gently lifted her leg and stood, resting her foot on the chair he had just vacated.

Without a word Kadu started rummaging in one of the cabinets in his room. When he stoodup, he had a small rectangular pillow in his hands. “Heads up,” he said, tossing the pillow over for her to catch.

Jurr caught the pillow and frowned at it. “What’s this for?”

“We need toelevate your knee when you are sitting or laying down.” Kadu walked over to thebed and started pulling the blankets down. Jurr took that as a sign it was timefor her to leave.

“Oh, alright,” Jurr nodded, pulling her leg off the chair and pushing herself to her feet with a grimace. She had barely made it two steps before Kadu was at her side.

“What did I just say about keeping off your leg?” He asked, looking like he was torn between lecturing her and throwing her over his shoulder. “Where are you going?”

Jurr frowned, “to bed? To rest and elevate my knee like you said.”

The expression on his face was unreadable to Jurr, who was usually pretty good at reading people’s emotions. Had to be, to pull off some of the bluffs she did but she was drawing a blank.  It was tempting to reach up and smooth out the creases on his forehead as he frowned down at her, but she didn’t dare.

“Stay the night – please?” When Kadu spoke, his voice was so soft she wasn’t sure she had heard him right. The confusion must have shown on her face because he cleared his throat. “So, I can keep an eye on your knee, plus it will save you the trip later.”

Jurr’s eye widened in shock. She never thought Kadu would ask her to stay. Honestly, she'd assumed he was just humoring her when he let her crawl into his bed almost every night. Was it possible he liked it as much as she did?

Kadu’s hand on her shoulder pulled her attention away from her racing thoughts. “What do you say?”

Making a snap decision, Jurr lifted her arms in surrender. “Help me back to bed?”

Just like she has suspected he wanted to, Kadu swept her up into his arms with a satisfied smile. “My pleasure.”