#THEY CONSTANTLY WANT TO SPEND MY MONEY
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How the fuck are y’all so rich on webkinz?? My broke ass is struggling to bit my mini goal of 5k (total goal of 1 mil eventually)
What mini games do y’all play to get kinzcash fast?
#shibbles yells into the nothingness#webkinz#webkinz mini games#BUT REALLY IM SO FUCKING BROKE#MY PETS ARE NEEDY MAN#THEY CONSTANTLY WANT TO SPEND MY MONEY#‘ID REALLY LIKE THIS 8000 KC BED’ WOULD YOU NOW??#ID LIKE TO NOT BUY IT BUT THEN YOULL BE SAD 🥲
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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That post about huge red flags from exes is going around and I’m like well mine requires some background reading
#xrdslog#um basically. made a bet they could convince me to kiss them and constantly hinted at it until it happened and then bragged about it a lot#then I told them I was aro#then we got a headmate that they had a crush on and started dating#and then used that to argue that I should date them bc it’s easier if it’s both of us#and then prioritized me over him#also: this headmate is one I have a father and son relationship with#so what the hell#also told me they fixated on people and they still loved me but they were fixated on their friend so couldn’t give me attention#their friend who they called their not-girlfriend. because that friend’s husband wasn’t comfortable with her being poly#and they still wanted to date her so they just called her that instead#gifted me an expensive adult toy and then took it and gave it to said not girlfriend#which. ok sure. but then why tell me it was a gift#demanded to talk to certain headmates and made a big fuss about knowing exactly who did what even though they were rarely correct#pushed me away whenever they were sad and then was upset I wasn’t comforting them#I baked banana bread once on a whim and then they constantly made me make it for them when I didn’t want to#NEEDED music playing at night and fans on them and they got upset if I didn’t want to sleep by them even though I couldn’t#‘pretended’ to choke me when I got a rare item in final fantasy before them#wanted to rp with me but demanded I start it because they were tired of starting rps with their friend. ok. not my fault ?#more than once tried to get me to sign a lease with them even though I had no money or job#got mad at me because my art was good? and they didn’t think theirs was or that they were creative?#did not ever compliment me without an insult attached for the last three years of our relationship#constantly tried to talk about sex or illegal things in front of my mom#constantly bragged about how they were going to become rich when their grandma died and hoped it happened soon#The Entire Trauma Part where they barely comforted me at all#oh also I spent basically sixteen hours a day in VC with them every day and they broke up with me for not spending enough time with them#even though I could not Possibly have spent More time with them#there is more than this. but this is off the top of my head. lol.
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The problem with me is that I need to drink my body weight in the most expensive juice every single day or I will die
#I can't drink the cheap ones anymore#i literally could treat myself some time ago and I started drinking like the fancy#100% squeezed juice that costs 8zł for the smallest bottle#i dont like the other ones they taste like shit now i cant go back ToT#there is a single one that i actually enjoy that's cheap and it's somehow the most chemical juice on the planet#caprio multiwitamina my beloved#tastes like domestos but i love it#but I've been drinking it constantly before bc i didn't want to spend my money on teh expensive ones and now I've had enoughh#anyway i bought the expensive juice today n i immediately drank it all in one sitting like some kind of animal.#TOT pls send help i do not have the money to be buying this shit Tot
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Look at my beautiful bad economic decisions from last month I love them so much
(Now is a new month and I can do more bad decisions 😌 meaning I'm buying a zelda game and paying nintendo online so I can play overcooked with friends)
#i have to constantly tell myself im am adult and i can do whatever i want with the money i worked for#bc i keep looking at these and thinking i spent way too much money on them#even when I've literally been saving to spend on these and for it not to feel like too much#same with my videogames money I've been saving little by little so i dont feel like im wasting money#and i also have to remind myself is not wasted#im investing on my own happiness 😌#I've wanted to have all my pc stuff in white for so long so it can match my pc#im just so happy!!!!!!#dg rambles#will probably delate this later
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i'm so used to being around trans people that i forgot that some people might be confused that my paypal name is different than my actual name.
#it went fine they just asked for confirmation and i was like ''yeah that's me''#i'm very happy i've been selling some stuff i have online and i will be able to donate it all to ezzideen's gfm#(i'm still trying to avoid paypal when possible but i was worried about scaring people away by trying to get them to pay me#thru stripe. my kofi runs off it though. id also started using paypal again because my bank gets scared and freezes payments#constantly and i don't want that to fuck things up for people when i'm buying esims or donating to gfms which is basically all im#spending money on right now)
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Hey google how do I friendzone a guy so hard that he stops seeing me as female easy steps can be done while at the movies (he thinks it’s a date. it’s not.) doesn’t result in a lost friendship also maybe gets him to respect women more
#my post#I am so fucked#he asked if I wanted to go and I said I didn’t want to spend money rn#so he offered to pay 😭😭😭#and then he spent all day texting me#and asked what I ATE 😭 and said I need to eat more bro shut up#this man is actually in love with me how tf did this happen#my feelings for him lie on a scale of nothing to kinda disturbed#like boo you don’t even like me you just want a relationship#I’m gonna dress as ugly as possible#and talk constantly about how I’m moving away soon#also maybe gayer than usual?#it’s extra hard bc I work with him#ughhhhh
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anyway im done with my grocery shopping now. the really wild part is that somehow tesco is now cheaper than asda by such an order of magnitude that i keep being convinced i've forgotten things because it's less expensive
#and their food is nicer too#all asda knows lately is increase the cost of basics and be out of stock of everything i actually want#oh and *slightly* change the name of dozens of things so they show as out of stock unless you re-search for them#hugely not a fan of the world where my fucking *groceries app* is constantly trying to scam me into spending more money
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time princess is starting to seriously annoy me but on the bright side i just learned about infinity nikki
#i did say i wanted a an actual full dress up game#like on consoles or pc (hopefully with very little micro transactions but doubt it)#maybe that will be the thing that makes me finally step back from TP??#i still like TPs stories but it looks like theyre trying to find ways to monetize them anyways#and its just like#pLS#can i have this one thing#im already annoyed about the crap makeup for my doll#like dont irk me more#dutp#infinity nikki#also eventually its like i wont have anything else to do without constantly spending money if they keep going down this route#and i dont wanna keep spending money on a game that cant at least give me decent make up 80% of the time#anyways keeping my fingers crossed for nikki!!#i just need a good story to get hooked honestly
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Money, the lack of money, and the requirement to have money in order to survive are the sources of literally all of my deepest problems. I need America to burn, and I need capitalism to burn as well.
#Why does life have to be based around ‘the almighty dollar’?#Is it not enough simply to live?#I hate living life in a society where my existence is deemed useless the moment I stop having enough money to buy things#I hate rent I hate bills I hate purchases I hate debt I hate credit I hate banking I hate money I hate it all I hate it so much#I’m losing my god damn mind#I don’t want to work#I don’t want to have to pay to get a ride somewhere so I can sell my time doing something I don’t enjoy just so that I can have a home#I don’t want to have to make other people richer off the back of my hard work#I don’t want to buy Satya Nadella’s 85th yacht#I don’t want to make myself profitable#I don’t want to be worth any amount of legal tender#I want to live#I want to live and survive and thrive#I want to do things I enjoy and spend time with friends#and not have to constantly think about how it’s almost time to go back to work#I HATE IT HERE#LET ME OUT
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you saw assad live in salome?? tell me everythinvg please
IM NGL ANON I barely remember it as I should because it was [quick mafs] 7 years ago now, but let me think.
First of all, the main thing I remember about the whole thing was that it was VERY sexy. I mean, all of it was sexy - the costumes, the lighting, the staging in general. I remember thinking the way they tackled gender and sexuality could have also felt a bit... heavy handed? In the wrong hands. It certainly wasn't a subtle production, but that's why I liked it. It was great fun. AND, OH ALSO! KEY THING! And I'm probably right in guessing this is what got me to trek to Stratford-upon-Avon to watch it... the music in it was all (?) Perfume Genius. Which could have felt sort of gimmicky but instead just really, REALLY worked for me.
Assad played the young Syrian prince, and I do earnestly remember us talking about him and his performance specifically after. There was one outfit he had on where it was like a sort of... bare leather strap affair, and I think he had flowers in his hair? And me and my friends pretty much lost our minds. In a cast of very pretty people, he still managed to stand out.
Also, and I'd forgotten this until I went into the tags, saw gifsets of it, and realised this was the guy I saw in this production, but there was a scene where he... got shot??? And he writhed around on the floor holding a leg wound just right around his crotch area in a very overtly sexual way (again, cannot stress enough how Not Subtle this whole thing was) and. Well. It was deeply enjoyable. I'll see if I can find the gifset I saw of it and reblog it for you.
Erm. I fear that's all I can earnestly say without googling and adding to my memories I fear. I have often wished to see it again, but have never been able to find a recording of it with what little searching I've bothered to do.
#sorry anon my memory isnt great and i wasnt sure what you wanted from me#i really didnt put two and two together until i went into the tumblr tag and was like. hang on.#in my defence. in my uni days especially i was spending a LOT of money seeing plays left right and centre#the tldr of it is that he is a very beautiful man who was lit in very lovely purple and blue hues#and had a sort of pained desirous look on his face near constantly that i VERY much enjoyed#anon ask#helen speaks
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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die
#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid#she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds#ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back#she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german#boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk#is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how#SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on#his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT#she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches#with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE#there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but#THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS#she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry#in the disguise of helping clean house#while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought#my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died#hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life#WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON#SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD#SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE#OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO#OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE#THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO#be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW#I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE#FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN#SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME
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People who offer solutions to my problems should all be required to take part in a 30 day free trial of living with all of my conditions just to ensure that their helpful tips are realistic and not actually just one more obstacle on the list of never ending obstacles that I have to manage everyday
#listen i dont hate getting advice or well meant suggestions#however i am exhausted and overwhelmed and constantly managing the maximum amount of things i can manage#i would like real help#i also would like to see how other people manage my conditions because i honestly dont know if im naybe just being a baby about it or not#like i wanna know how this effects other people but also would never wish this upon someone#i just need to know that I'm doing my best#or if im not i need to know what i can do better#i just reeeeally dont think my friends understand the amount of energy that it takes to barely manage#im at the point where i spend half the week resting in preparation to take a shower and do the dishes#and the other half recovering from doing them#if i even did#yes i dont shower very often i know its gross blah blah blah#its usually like 4 days between showers atm i think#dishes is like one to two weeks tho#i cant keep up with even the bare minimum amount of things and it sucks#all of the real solutions cost money#i also hate to list all of the ways that the help is not helpful when people are trying to help#because then i sound like i dont want help :(( i sound bitter and mean#and i dont wanna come across that way
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My therapists keep telling me to stop othering myself and I'm trying but it's really fuckin hard when I'm being othered
#i get im spending a lot of time with fellow audhd and on the spectrum queers i do and i get that means compassion and empathy#is potentially going to be lacking in some ways because they are learned behaviors that do not come naturally or at all#but for all the effort i put in to getting over the sense of being 'othered' and 'the outsider' some of them do a damn good job#just nerfing the work ive done with a lot of carelessness#if you're doing a group pool of money for a gift and i offer you cash dont single me out!! as the only one!! who doesn't need to pay!!#because its cash not venmo. like regardless of the implications of it its fuckin humiliating to be singled out in a GROUP CHAT#no matter how nice you try to make it if you're ultimately saying you dont want my money#dont cut me off and cut me out at practice because you're insecure and dont want to take advice from someone who isnt a coach#don't cut me out because im one of the only people who likes and exhibits masculinity in a way you dislike.#like. how am i supposed to feel? other than humiliated and exhausted and pissed off when someone else's bullshit#is constantly overrunning everything else and everyone else#tbd im sick and i need to do my tshot and i dont want to go to practice today . this teammate sends off kill bill sirens i stg
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This is the only way to express how I'm feeling
#i try not to talk about my home life on here but im honestly so fucking frustrated that if i dont get this out i might just kill someone#my family car broke down in January of this year#my father refuses to get a new one because he thinks hes saving so mucj more money and he doesnt feel like he has any incentive#acting as if he was giving us free trips#i would literally pay him 100 dollars a fucking week to help take me in and out of work#and he just doesnt like acknowledge that at all#so now im having to take ubers to and from work every day. each trip is like 20+ dollars so that 40+ dollars a day five days a week#im averaging spending 200 dollars a week jusy to get into work#and i work a minimum wage shitty fucking job so all of my paycheck goes straight into ubers and fucking therapy every week#ive had to skip so many sessions becaause theyre all 50 dollars after insurance#and im just so frustrated#i want to move out so bad but how can i save enough if im constantly hemorrhaging cash#the only reason hes saving money is because he fucking works from home#i just dont know what to do at this point i feel so helpless#becayse even if hou casually bring it up my dad immediately assumes youre ATTACKING him and how DARE you and im tited im so fucking tired#how am i meant to move out in these conditions#how am i meant to do anything#i have no fucking social life because i literally just cant afford it im going to cry#i hate him. i hate my dad so fucking much#vent#ig.#scringee mouth
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