#THESE TWO KIDS ARE ACTING IN PAIN AND HOW TF DID THEY BOTH NOT NOTICE!!!!

[vcutparis]

i whole heartedly had the maternal aunt awakening for the kids. LIKE FROM THE FIRST SCENE WHERE THEY SAID FAMILY MAN TRAITOR AND WENT BACK YO GO HSUHSUHSUSHUS SHUSHSUSHSU IN THE CORNER!!!!! I JUMPED AND GIGGLED LIKE A MANIC AS IF I KNOW SHIT BRO 😦?

I LOVE!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!! I REPEAT !!!!! I LOVE THE KIDS (and their dad but anyways)

i ahve a lot of thoughst and lets jot it down in the tags muehehehhehe (aw hell naw man tumblr ate my fav tag : is doctor hwa single. or rich momma sophie? help a med kid out!!!!) ALSO ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE CONTRIBUTION TO ATEEZ FIC COMMUNITY WE CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE YAY!!!

the parent trap | KHJ

part 1 of the Night in Hollywood!series

��� trope: exes to lovers!au, divorced!au

☆ pairing: producer!hongjoong x designer!reader, dad!joong x mom!reader

☆ warnings: nsfw (mdni), swearing, mentions of food, mentions of food poisoning, female desc. reader, drinking, suggestiveness, smut, slight!breeding kink, oral sex (f. receiving), overstim, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!) nipple play, titty sucking, marking, praise, slightdom!joong, blond!joong bc that itself is too much for me, mentions of (early) pregnancy, you’re both in your early thirties and make an unbelievably stubborn couple in this!

☆ synopsis: AS DIVORCED PARENTS to two twin daughters, you and hongjoong have your fair share of work cut out. Driving to piano lessons, cheering at hockey games, drop offs at each other’s houses, it can all be a little much. But could a relaxing summer retreat as a whole family possibly rekindle past emotions you’ve swept under the rug? . . .

☆ word count: 18.1k

☆ playlist: soulful strut by young-holt unlimited, l-o-v-e by nat king cole, just the way you are by billy joel, slipping through my fingers by abba, this will be (an everlasting love) by natalie cole

☆ a/n: it’s finally here. I can’t believe I’m writing this and saying it’s finally here oh my goodness. first off, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me with the series so far (shoutout to @kitten4sannie , @byuntrash101 and especially @desirehorizon for being amazing!) everyone’s sweet comments have been greatly appreciated, and I just hope this silly little fic brings a smile to your everyday lives.

ty for making writing worth it as a writer. now cue the opening credits!

“ABSOLUTELY NOT” Hongjoong says.

“But dadd,” she whines, clutching the wrinkled pamphlet closer to her chest. Eunseo’s small hands are covered in purple doodles her sister drew using a glitter pen. 

“Why not?” the girl complains, shrugging her shoulders. 

He sighs, pushing his glasses up with one hand as he continues typing away at the important document the producing company sent him on his laptop. He tries his best to reason with the child.

“Because, baby…” pausing to think for a moment before responding. “It would be hard for your mom and I to find a time that fits into our schedules. I’ve got work, and she must be busy as well.” 

Eunseo glares at her father’s excuse. 

Okay, yeah, the man knows it’s somewhat of a lie, himself. 

She continues to protest by shoving the advertising pamphlet in her dads face and blocking his view of the screen. Thankfully, Hongjoong is used to these sort of work distractions, expertly avoiding her by craning his neck sideways and continuing to type away.

“But dad, it’s an amazing cottage resort! They’ve got a lake where you can go swimming in, a forest hiking trail, a bonfire to roast marshmallows and even a diner less than fifteen minutes away! So if you end up burning the camp food like last time, we can just order and eat in! Isn’t that great?” She beams. 

He stops typing for a second, fingers hovering over the keyboard as he gives his first born a look that makes her immediately break into a sweet smile, batting her lashes and flashing him a look of innocence. 

“Please?” She begs, standing on the edge of her feet as she gazes up at him. “The last time we went was when Eunbyul and me were toddlers.” 

And how on earth could any dad’s heart not melt at the sight of his daughter trying to convince him about one harmless vacation? 

Hongjoong wheels his office chair back, turning so he could look her in the eyes properly and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. 

“Listen honey, I’m sorry, I really wish I could, but…” he trails off, looking back at the open tabs and file documents displayed on his computer.

Turning his head around and upon seeing a frown form on his daughter's face, he quickly reassures her. 

“Once you finish your final piano recital tomorrow and your mom picks your sister up to take her to her hockey game, how about we go fishing the weekend afterwards?” he suggests, brows raising. “That’ll mean I have just the two of you all to myself.”

Eunseo mumbles under her breath, quiet but insistent enough that he catches it. 

“But we’re supposed to be a family of four.” 

She sulks, thinking of how that would leave you, her mother, left out of their plans. The arms holding the pamphlet up, ultimately fall down in defeat. 

He places a peck on her forehead, patting her on the back. “You know, if you can get your mom to say yes, then I’ll think about it” he chuckles, knowing the highly unlikely probability of the event.

Adjusting his glasses, the producer goes back to his work, peeking his daughter slugging away from the corner of his eye. 

Eunseo slumps her shoulders in defeat as she walks out of her dads office, turning the corner to see her twin sister, Eunbyeol, pressing her ears near the door with her neck outstretched. Clearly she’s been caught in the middle of trying to overhear their conversation. 

The twin younger by fifteen seconds quickly rushes over, waiting expectantly.

“So? What did dad say?”

Eunseo exhales, throwing the information pamphlet away on the wooden floors and slumping against the living room couch. 

“He’s totally not buggin. Said he wants to take us fishing next weekend instead. Just us three.” she grumbles. 

Eunbyeol scrunches her nose at the idea. 

“But dad sucks at fishing.”

Her sister groans, kicking her small feet against the couch in frustration. “I know!” Eunbyeol starts to worry, coming to sit beside her.

“Then how on earth are we going to get mom and dad to get back with each other again? They haven’t been in the same room since we were like, five!”

Her twin sister scoffs, “First, we gotta get them to have a proper conversation with each other. They barely even talk when they drop us off at each other's houses.”

Nobody truly knows why you and Hongjoong had divorced so suddenly when the girls were young. Not even themselves.

All they were used to were cold stares and one word replies shared amongst their parents, refusing to find harmony in their co-parenting.

Frankly, your girls have had enough of the performance you were both trying to maintain, looking past your expressions to realize you and your husband still held feelings for the other. It was only a matter of time and place in order to set you two up together, thus, the idea of an intimate, family getaway came into their minds. 

After a few moments of letting her words hang in the air, Eunbyeol’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. 

“That’s it!”

The older twin looks up quizzically, watching her sister jump off the couch and gaze at her excitedly. 

“We’ll just have to force them to meet each other! We can always guilt trip them for dropping us off at their houses and making us play alone!”

Eunseo rolls her eyes at the idea. “Right, and how are we going to do that dummy? The only reason they’d do that, was if it was an emergency.”

Whoever said twin telepathy wasn’t a thing was a liar, because the second Eunseo catches onto what her sister is saying, the twins share a look of pure mischievousness, the gears in their brains working together as one. 

With hushed whispers and quiet giggles, the twins immediately begin conducting their plan in secrecy near the corner of the living room, backs turned and in the middle of discussion when Hongjoong walks out of his office with an empty coffee mug. 

“What are you guys doing over there?”

“Leave us alone! Family man traitor!” Eunbyeol shouts, holding a slightly hostile grudge to her father before turning back to whisper to her twin. 

Hongjoong shakes his head, sighing as he heads into the kitchen. 

“Then it’s perfect! I’ll stay here with dad once my piano recital is over, and then when Mom picks you up for your hockey game tomorrow, we’ll try convincing them together!”

Eunbyeol nods her head in agreement, eyes lighting up with excitement as she whispers in a hushed tone. 

“And once both events end, we’ll pretend to be so sick that they have to take us to the nearby hospital.”

The other twin smirks. ”Where we’ll end up guilt tripping them into taking us to the cottage.”

They double high five in victory at their flawless plan, already waiting for tomorrow to come as soon as possible.

“A summer cottage?” you repeated, brows raising at the idea as you made a left turn onto your street. 

Eunbyeol nods eagerly from the back seat after getting picked up, having ranted on and on about the ad in the pamphlet since the moment you saw her.

“It's an amazing establishment mom,” She boasts, making you laugh at her words while parking the car and unbuckling your seatbelt.

“They have everything you could possibly think of!”

“Oh, really?” You say skeptically, opening the door for her. 

Eunbyeol is lost in the middle of passionately describing all the relaxing activities you could do by yourself, or rather per se, with a special partner together. 

“There’s couples hiking retreats, couples canoeing, couples yoga… did I mention couples hiking retreats?” She confuses, retracing her words. 

You roll your eyes and smile, keys jangling as you walk through the entrance of your apartment flat while balancing the bags and items in your hands.

Being a wedding dress designer and yet picking up your daughter from your ex-husband's house could’ve been ironic to some people. But after having split with Hongjoong since the girls were so young, you came to grow fond of having some independence as a divorcee, channeling your main focus into setting up your own bridal shop downtown.

It was through that hard work and focus that you did it all by yourself with no additional help.

You’d be lying if you said you haven't opened a bottle of red wine some nights due to loneliness as a divorced single mother, but at least that was what you had your daughters for.

You made sure to work just as hard as you did enjoy playing and spending time with them. After all, they were the light of your life and purpose for living.

Balancing the pizza you picked up on the way home, you set it down on the kitchen island, telling Eunbyeol to go wash her hands in the sink. The girl doesn’t stop ranting.

“There’s usually only two rooms in the cottage, so you’ll have to sleep together with dad, but I guess you won't mind, would you? After all, you were once married” She rolls her eyes, reaching for the soap.

You shake your head with a sigh. ”What is up with you and getting me and your father together in the same room?” you muttered as you took out the plates and utensils. 

Eunbyeol eventually walks back to you, wiping her hands on her baggy jeans before sitting on the kitchen stool. 

“It’s not that I’m obsessed, Mom. Actually, Eunseo and I are just dying to get away this summer now that school is over.”

Turning around from plating the pizza and salad, you chastise your daughter, telling her to sit with her bum flat on the stool so she doesn’t fall. She immediately listens, carrying on with her persuasion. 

“We just want you and dad to get the chance to relax as well, that’s all!” her mouth full from a bite of hot, greasy pizza. 

You smile, wiping your washed hands on the kitchen towel and coming over to wrap your arms around her affectionately. 

“Spending time with you and Eunseo every week is how I relax,” you assured her, smothering your baby with kisses on her cheek.

Byeol lets out a squeal of annoyance, taking another bite of her pizza. “You’re squishing me!” She tries hiding her smile, failing when you lean in closer. 

You pull back in laughter, ruffling her hair as you walk away while reminding her.

“Oh! Don’t forget you’ve got your hockey game tonight!”

Byeol chews faster, munching on the soft crust and counting down the hours on the kitchen clock. 

She smiles to herself. 

“Don’t worry, I know!”

“What do you mean you need to go to the hospital?” Hongjoong asks in a worried voice, standing against the women’s washroom stall. He holds Eunseo’s congratulatory flower bouquet for first place in hand, feeling the stares of multiple women passing by, clearly judging him for being in the ladies room with them. 

“Honey, is everything all right?” He asks worriedly. A string of groans come from behind the door.

“You need to leave!” one old lady thrusts her walking cane at the father, lips pursed in dissatisfaction. 

Eunseo did such a phenomenal job tonight for her piano recital, that Hongjoong was shocked to see his daughter clutch her stomach first thing after running down the steps of the stage, dashing to the washrooms.

He whips his head back. “My daughter’s having a bit of a situation in here, okay miss? Have a bit of understanding!” He barks frustratedly out loud to the onlookers before speaking softly back to the stall door. 

“Eunseo, baby, talk to me, is everything alright in there? Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Is it that bad?” 

The girl continues her acting performance, letting out fake groans while typing furiously on her cellphone. 

“Oh the pain! I think I might have food poisoning, dad!”

Seolie: How far along are u

Byeolie: Mom’s outside, banging to come in. 

Seolie: same, I told dad I needed to go to the hospital.

Eunseo lets out another groan of pain, causing Hongjoong to worry even more. 

“That’s it, Eunseo. Let me in and help you” he decides, searching his bag for a painkiller or at least some sort of medication for relief. 

The girl frantically checks her phone, eyes lighting up at the new message. 

Byeolie: Mom’s getting the car to take me to the hospital. I’ve got her convinced to call dad soon.

Eunseo types as fast as her small fingers can move, even faster than when she performed her piano solo from before. 

Seolie: Then what do I do????

Hongjoong gets slightly suspicious at the lack of sound coming from the stall, calling to his daughter again.

“Eunseo? Everything alright?”

At the next notification, the girl makes up her mind, getting the signal from her sister. 

Byeolie: play dead. Mom calling soon. See ya there.

The actress gets into character, gaining her composure before unlocking the washroom stall and holding her stomach as she stumbles into her dad’s surprised arms. 

“Eunseo!”

She wails, falling limp. “Oh, dad! Please! Take me to the hospital, it hurts too much!”

It’s truly a mystery which parent she got her acting skills from.

But she doesn’t have to tell him twice at that point. The man is already piggy backing his fainted daughter and sprinting out of the ladies washroom, reassuring her with soothing comments as he makes a beeline for the parking lot.

“Stay with me baby!” He huffs, unbeknownst to Eunseo who peeks one eye open. 

Only after he straps his daughter in the backseat and is turning on the engine does he receive a sudden phone call from you, pressing the speaker for the whole car to hear your panicked voice. You break the news to him first. 

“Eunbyeol’s severely sick. She fainted right after her hockey game.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “What?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “She was holding her stomach saying she ate something wrong. Is Eunseo okay?” 

Hongjoong puts the stick into drive, backing out of the parking lot and replying in a hurry.

“She’s hit with the same thing right now. I’ll meet you at the Hospital in ten” he grunts, sweat forming on his brow as he speeds through traffic, not caring if he gets a ticket. 

Had he looked in his rear view mirror, he would have seen Eunseo sagging near the car door, clutching her stomach with a small grin on her face.

You never liked the hospital. 

The sounds of babies crying and hospital beds wheeling become the background noise, shifting nervously in your seat that was in the emergency pediatrics unit waiting area. 

Hongjoong has his eyebrows furrowed, hunched over one seat beside you as he hangs his head in his hands, knees bouncing up and down. A middle aged nurse nasally calls on the next family waiting from the front desk, boredom laced in her voice. 

You sigh, uncrossing your legs and choosing to bite at the fingernail on your right hand once realizing you’ve already done the same to all the ones on your left. 

“It’s all my fault.” Hongjoong confesses, suddenly sitting still. 

You glance to your left, watching as he sits up slowly. 

“Last thing they ate together would’ve been at my house. I probably made them sick with something I fed them,” he dejects, hanging his head down in shame. 

“It’s all my fault, god I’m so stupid!” He beats himself up. 

You have half the mind to snap at your ex-husband, anger already filling up inside you earlier when you heard Eunbyeol suggest it was something she ate at her dad’s house. You really did want to yell at him for being so bad of a chef that he sent his own daughters to the emergency pediatrics unit, undeniably relieved that Seonghwa was working tonight’s shift. 

But those cruel words sitting on the tip of your tongue are thrown away when you glance down to see your ex-husband missing a shoe on one of his feet. 

Hongjoong rushed over here so fast with Eunseo that he left his shoe behind like some sort of fairytale, Cinderella. He hasn’t even realized he wasn’t wearing one right now.

You exhaled, knowing that if there's one thing you’ve learned while parenting, it was that to have patience and understanding was a virtue. Even for your ex-husband.

“It’s not your fault,” you sighed, staring at your hands folded in your lap. 

It feels awkward when Hongjoong stops tugging at his blond locks to look at you in surprise, continuing to speak as you place a gentle hand on his thigh. 

“That could’ve happened to anyone. We don’t know yet if it was because of the food. Let’s just pray and wait and see” your voice being a sign of reliability to him. 

The man is a little shocked at your supportive nature to tell you truthfully. He delivers all the things he needs to say through his grateful gaze alone, reciprocating a small smile. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you guys tonight.” Seonghwa chuckles, walking in before Hongjoong has the chance to reply. He comes from the patient's room wearing his dashing, white doctor's coat. “Together, at that” he mumbles under his breath before looking up and flashing you a polite smile while giving his worried friend a soft pat on the back.

Hongjoong holds his breath when he asks: “How are they?”

“Better,” he tells him, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. “But it was a big shock to their bodies. They need some rest at the moment.” 

The pediatrician tries not to show his smile, standing in front of you and Hongjoong while hiding his expression behind his clipboard as per his niece’s request.

To be fair, if someone had told Seonghwa earlier that evening that he would receive a fifteen minute pep talk from his best friend's twin daughters that day in the emergency unit, he would’ve laughed in their faces. 

Alas, life was always filled with surprises. Here’s what went down thirty minutes earlier in the hospital room:

“We’re trying to get them back together,” Eunseo announced confidently, sitting next to her sister on the hospital bed. 

Eunbyeol nodded, eyeing the dumbfounded medical professional standing in front of them with his clipboard tucked under his arm, hands in his pockets. 

“So.. you guys don’t need an IV drip?”

“It’s this whole entire thing, Uncle Hwa, we’ll explain to you later.”

It took a minute before Seonghwa reclaimed his composure as an adult, chastising the twins for pulling a false alarm over something like this. He made sure to make them promise him they wouldn’t do something stupid like this again. But after that, of course Seonghwa is immediately pairing to help them with their plan on getting his best friend back together with his ex-wife. The man is just tired of watching Hongjoong beat himself up half the time about missing you. 

“So you essentially want me to lie about the fact that you guys don’t have food poisoning, and were just faking this whole thing so your mom and dad would have a reason to see each other.” 

The twins nod, one of them pointing out. “And make sure to tell them we’re fine of course. Maybe throw in we’re like, really sick, but that we’ll live so it’s best if we get rest.”

“At like a cottage or something” the other chimes in, wiggling her eyebrows at the hint. 

The doctor sighs, scratching his neck sheepishly. 

When Seonghwa leads you and Hongjoong into the hospital room, both of you feel awful seeing your babies laying in their beds, dressed in the children’s gowns. 

Eunbyeol peeks open her eyes first, voice hoarse (she practiced). 

“Mom? Dad? Is that you?” she groans, pretending to clutch her stomach in pain. 

Both you and Hongjoong rush to each child, grasping their hands and stroking their heads softly with sympathy. 

“Hey baby, I’m here” you coo.

“I’m so, so sorry girls, it was probably all my fault. I should’ve never cooked for you guys earlier today.” their dad cries out painfully, looking down in shame.

You come to stand beside him, reassuring them both. “But what’s important is that you guys get better now. We want to make sure you get the rest you need” you say, making eye contact with your ex-husband. 

Seonghwa clears his throat, crossing his arms as he flashes a wink to the girls behind your backs. 

“They seemed to have been mentally exhausted as well,” He asks on purpose, watching as you and Hongjoong share a look with each other. “Have they been receiving proper familial support at home?” 

“I can’t even remember the last time I saw my parents in the same room together.” Eunseo weakly admits, showing a faint smile. 

As parents, you and Joong feel the most amount of guilt anyone could ever feel. You realize how exhausting and stressful the pickups and drop offs to each other's houses could’ve been, especially when you two were so busy with your respective jobs to spend time with your daughters now that it was summer break for them. 

Hongjoong smiles, holding both their hands and making a promise to them. 

“Make sure to rest you two. Tell me, is there anything you guys need right now? Anything you guys want I'll make sure to get it for you.”

”Do you guys have crunchy ice?” Eunbyeol blurts out loud, breaking her weak facade. 

Eunseo almost wants to shoot a glare at her sister but she realizes both of you are still looking at them. 

“I can get you some ice!” Seonghwa quickly assures you and his nieces, mouthing to them good luck for support as he shuts the door behind him. 

You sigh, coming over to stroke Eunseo’s hair and caress Eunbyeol’s hand. 

“Well? Is there anything else you guys need from us?” Hongjoong states, eyes soft in sympathy. You nod, waiting to hear their response.

“Let us know girls, anything at all.”

Eunbyeol and Eunseo finally take their chance, sharing a hesitant look before speaking at the same time. 

“We want to go to the cottage”

“Together,” Eunseo says.

“As a family.” Eunbyeol adds in.

You and Hongjoong share a silent look. 

Later into the night, the twins are finally discharged from the hospital, deciding that they would stay at Hongjoong’s mothers apartment which was closest nearby, considering they were both tired and immediately needed a place to rest. 

The car ride home is awkwardly silent, even as the kids are (what you think) to be fast asleep, hockey gear and a bouquet of flowers riding with them in the backseat.

It was at their request for you to drive them to their grandmother's house, wanting both their parents with them till the ride home. Hongjoong settled on driving your car and dropping all of you off, planning to take a taxi back home and pick up his own car in the morning. Despite your protest on how inconvenient that was, he insisted as he didn’t want to disappoint the twins.

But suddenly the man begins to regret his offer, currently driving in complete silence on the highway, eyes facing forward and shoulders tense. Quiet FM nightly jazz plays from the radio. 

You’re sitting passenger seat up front with him in what feels like forever, looking solely at the reflections in the window, the street lamp lights scattering across your face as you travel through the nighttime traffic. It’s awkward being together like this.

You hear him clear his voice, speaking softly so he doesn’t wake up the girls.

“So, are we really considering that cottage retreat?” he glances back at you. 

You sit up, straightening your back and exhaling as you secretly wanted to have avoided that topic of discussion.

“We can’t Hongjoong,” you reasoned, shaking your head. “I couldn’t possibly take a whole vacation from the dress shop. Not unless I had someone take care of it for me, which my staff probably aren’t ready to do.” you explained, voice tense.

Hongjoong nodded, understanding your point of view. “I realize that. I’ve got a few projects I have to record and demo with Eden.” he tells you, an arm placed on the wheel with his sleeve rolled up. His veins become perfectly outlined as he passionately tells you about his producing job.

He’s so hot like that.

Jesus what were you thinking? Cursing your mind as you clear your voice and try to change the topic.

“How’s everything been going then?” you say stiffly. He nods, still awkward with sharing conversation with you. 

“Um, it's going good. You?” he asks.  

“Fine.” you swallow. 

Silence prevails. He’s first to speak again, building the courage to say the next thing in his mind. 

“I’m willing to put things on hold if I need to.” He confesses. 

Hongjoong continues to drive normally after having said that. Now it becomes your turn to stare at him now, watching how he glances at the side mirror, switching lanes swiftly like the pro-driver he was. 

“What do you mean?”

“Honestly, I think it would be good for the girls,” he admits, calling you by your name. Even hearing him call you your name feels weird. It feels foreign, like it almost wasn’t yours. 

“Hongjoong-” you warn, shaking your head at the warry possibility. 

“Just hear me out, alright?” He states firmly, making you quiet. 

He glances back into the rear view mirror, watching your girls peacefully asleep with their heads leaning against each other. 

“It’s been almost seven years. Seven years since they’ve last seen their parents speak to each other without breaking into a fight. Tonight was the first time they saw us together without having to plan a drop off and pick up in god knows how long.”

Hongjoong licks his lips, gripping the wheel as he emphasizes. “Seven years since they’ve gotten a goodnight hug and kiss from us at the same time in one place.”

You scoff, turning to face him properly this time. “I don’t know why you’re acting as though we can make this request of theirs come true Hongjoong. This is a big deal-”

“It is a big deal!” he exclaims, trying to get his point across. “I can see how badly our daughters want us to both be in their lives more, to acknowledge the fact that the other still exists after splitting apart.”

He sighs. “Us, not acknowledging each other’s existence at all is worse than if we had to see each other regularly.”

You bite your lip, getting angry. “So what Hongjoong? You’re saying you want to suddenly play family with them at the cottage?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Do you really think we can pretend to be normal parents to them without fighting like we are now? There’s a reason why our current schedules work. Don’t make me seem like the bad guy for not wanting to take them.” You glared, pointing a finger at him. His jaw locks. 

“You fully knew the lifestyle changes we would need to make as a couple when you signed those legal papers—”

“Well then did you also predict everything that happened after you brought me those papers?” He spits like venom, gaze hard as he clenches the wheel.

You blink your eyes at his words, pressing your knees together at his sudden attack. 

You don’t remember clearly if you even meant what you said at the time when you threw those papers at him seven years ago. But all you still know is that Hongjoong was just as stubborn as you were, making up his mind to sign them in the end regardless.

Looking in the rear view mirror, you muttered to him quietly. 

“Don’t raise your voice. The kids are sleeping.”

Their dad scoffs, muttering a sure, under his breath as he switches lanes. 

The kids were in fact, not sleeping, and very much awake. Eyes closed but ears wide, as they were listening in to the first real discussion their parents were having in so long. Or perhaps it was an argument?

At the right turn into his mother’s apartment’s underground parking lot, Hongjoong shuts off the engine, getting out of the car without another word and shutting the door in your face. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose, hear the back door open. 

You watch in the corner of your vision as his demeanor immediately changes, softly caressing Eunseo and Eunbyeol’s hair. 

“Hey girls, we’re here now. You gotta wake up.” He coos.

They yawn theatrically, pretending to stretch their arms. 

“So soon?” Eunbyeol mumbles.

A few feet ahead, you see your mother in law walking out from the elevators, a knit cardigan wrapped around her small frame. You smiled, getting out of the car and greeting her first. 

“We’ll leave Eunbyeol’s hockey gear with you for the night if that’s alright Mom-” 

Hongjoong’s words are cut off as the woman who birthed him walks straight past him, ignoring him and immediately taking you in her warm embrace, eyes forming crescent moons. 

“How are you my dear?” she asks, causing you to smile and hug your mother in law affectionately. “It’s been so long, I’ve missed you so much!”

Despite the break up between you and Hongjoong, you were thankful for one thing, and that was the fact that your relationship with Hongjoong’s family stayed strong, especially with Mrs. Kim.

“I’ve missed you too” you tell her genuinely. “I’ve been good, I’m just sorry for dropping them off so suddenly at your place,” You say, feeling apologetic for waking her up late into the night. 

“We had a bit of a situation,” you explain, watching as Hongjoong collects their things. 

She shakes her head, reassuring you. “Nonsense! Why would you be sorry for that.” she grins, turning her head at the car. “And where are my girls, may I ask?”

At the sound of her voice, Eunbyeol and Eunseo dash out from the back seat and into their grandmother's welcoming arms, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks.

Hongjoong is the only person that stands all alone, awkwardly holding the bouquet of flowers with heavy hockey gear and a duffle bag perched on his shoulder. 

“Oh, how I’ve missed my little squirrels!” she exclaims using their signature pet name and happily reuniting with her grandchildren. 

She turns her head, face falling at the sight of her son and lips pursing into a frown. 

“And where on earth have you been? Not giving me a call!” she snaps, slapping her son on his back. Eunbyeol laughs out loud while Eunseo tries to keep her giggles in. 

You hear your ex husband protest to her while you close the back seat door. 

“OW! I’ve been busy alright?” he mumbles, massaging his sore arm. 

Your mother in law takes both the twins hand’s on each side, nodding her head to you. 

“Leave all the kid’s stuff to Hongjoong, he’ll take care of it darling” she smiles sweetly, sending a glare to her son to take a hint and be more of a gentleman to you. She walks away with her smiling granddaughters, exchanging light-hearted giggles and excitement. “Bye, mom!” The twins wave back. 

Hongjoong cranes his head up, sighing at the ceiling before taking Eunseo’s piano bag that you were holding in your hand in one swift motion, walking reluctantly behind the three. 

“Stay here. I’ll drop them off.” he briskly walks away, leaving you stunned. 

Hongjoongs words from before can’t help but replay inside your head as you wait for him to come back down. 

Before you guessed it, it was already the ride back home, and the car was painfully silent once again. In reality, you were each thinking deeply to yourselves about the possibility of the cottage retreat. Could you really be a mom and dad together as a couple to your kids?

“Are you giving your plants enough water?” He brings you out of thought, the car slowing down as he turns onto your street. 

You look up, giving him a confused look. 

Hongjoong nods in direction, following his eyes to look at the measly, dying flower pot perched on the steps of your flat’s entrance as the car stopped to a halt. “You know, it’s really hard for plants to die when they’re outside.” He says in amazement at your shit gardening. 

You scowl at him, asking him when he became such a plant expert all of a sudden. 

He continues to poke fun at you, smirking when he undoes his seat belt. Hongjoong suddenly leans over to help you unbuckle your own, face dangerously close to yours as he lowers his voice. 

“Unless their owner just really sucks at taking care of them.” 

His eyes gaze into yours for a split second, feeling your face heat up from the proximity. You let out a tiny gasp for air when he leans back in his own seat. 

“Fuck off” you replied harshly. 

“You should give them some more care,” he suggests, ignoring your swearing. 

You don’t reply to his stupid comment, refusing to look at him as you get out of the car. 

“I can go in by myself” you press, adjusting the strap of your purse on your shoulder. You didn’t think it was necessary to draw out your time with this man any further.

Hongjoong straightens his dress shirt as he moves to your side of the car, shoving his own car keys in his trousers as he locks your doors and hands over the keys. You take them hesitantly, watching as he rests against the car door, strong arms crossing against his chest. 

“Think about it at least.” he mutters to you. 

You look at him, eyes shutting softly when you realize he was still talking about the cottage getaway. Sighing his name is exasperation, you run a hand through your hair. 

“Hongjoong-”

“Would it kill you to spend a week with me and our daughters?” He scoffs as he asks you straight up, looking at you in a way that makes you hesitate to say your next words. You observed one hand come to shuffle with the silver lighter in his trouser pockets. 

You stayed silent for a moment, genuinely thinking back to your daughters and what this meant to them if you went. What this would mean for you two as well. 

Finally, you look up to him, returning his gaze.

“I need time.” 

He nods, face serious. “I understand.”

“Let me think about it.” You mumbled. 

And with that you turn around, walking up the steps to your front door. At the sight of your flowerpot, you quickly remember his comment and snatch it in your hands, slamming the door shut to Hongjoong as he finally lets a soft grin break out on his face. Letting his back come up from leaning against the door, Hongjoong nods his head, satisfied enough at that answer, as he walks silently down the road while opening his Uber app. 

At least you’d give it some thought. 

Okay, maybe now you’ve given it too much thought. 

Sipping your fifth glass of wine of the night, you’re sitting, back hunched over with your knees tucked into your chest on the breakfast table chair, zoning out as your best friend Sophie continues barking at you and your inconsistent commitment. 

“I don’t even understand why you’re considering going! Does the man realize what it takes to leave your own shop for a full week?” she fumes, adjusting her royal jelly sheet mask while cursing at your ex-husband for pressuring you into going to the family retreat. 

“Not everyone can just pack their bags and go swimming at the cottage, Jesus Christ” she rolls her eyes. 

“He didn’t pressure me,” you told her pouting. “He wants to do it for the kids” you mumbled looking down as you defended him. 

You invited your best friend Sophie over to your apartment that evening for your weekly slumber party, a time you each looked forward to dedicating a bottle of wine and chardonnay over some gossip, spilling all the uneventful drama in your lives. 

Perhaps you revealed too much drama to your best friend tonight. 

“I don’t think I would mind going, to be honest” you hiccup, words slurring. “I haven’t had a vacation in so long, Sophie, and the girls really want to go! I would feel bad for leaving them with nothing to do this summer.” confessing through the alcohol. 

Cheeks flushed, you sigh as you play with your silk robe mindlessly while Sophie shakes her head at you, one hand coming up to snap at you and bring you back to reality. 

“Hello? Earth to Ms. Divorcee?” She sighs, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You said you wanted to set boundaries with him! To cut the line straight and keep your distance so you could get over your feelings for him! Show him who’s boss!” 

“He said he’s willing to put his music projects on hold for us,” you muttered quietly, the thought making your heart weak as you smiled at the memory of Hongjoong teasing you about your flower pot. Your chest blossomed with warmth now. 

Sophie sighs, shaking her head as she thinks just how differently you were feeling four wine glasses ago.

“Listen, honey, I’m just warning you in advance” she sips the golden liquid in her glass before placing it on the table. 

“Take it from a girl who’s had three divorces. I mean look at me! I’m still somewhat young, I’ve got no kids, no responsibilities, filthily rich, and not once have I had to pay for my own divorce settlement fees!” 

You nod mindlessly, eyes blinking softly under the bright kitchen lights. 

“What you need is a provider, sweetheart,” she crooned, caressing your head. 

“A guy who won’t leave you stressed and unimpressed like Hongjoong does.”

You continue mindlessly nodding your head at her words, ears perking up when you hear small footsteps come down the stairs. 

“Hi mom, Hi aunt Sophie.” Eunbyeol greets, eyes glued to her iPad that Eunseo trails after from behind, whining how it was now her turn to play Super Mario.  

“Hi girls,” Sophie replies like the cool, hot aunt she is, eyes shut as she’s concentrating on giving herself a collarbone massage right now. 

“Hey sweetheart,” you mumbled, smiling at your daughters standing near the fridge getting a glass of water. 

“Say, did your dad tell you guys anything about the cottage?” You blurt out loud, avoiding the look that Sophie gives you. Eunbyeol looks up from the glowing screen, ears perking in interest. “No, not much, why?” 

Eunseo snatches the iPad from her twin, coming over to you. “Did Dad say we’re going?” She asks enthusiastically, eyes widening. Sophie is quick to assure them. 

“Now of course not girls, your mother here was just-”

“Oh fuck it, why not?” you say confidentially, shining a bright smile. “Let’s go to the cottage!” You exclaimed in drunk excitement, all three girls staring at you with their jaws hanging at your sudden profanity as well as your final decision. 

Oh, how dangerous the effects of a bottle of wine were. 

Eunseo and Eunbyeol immediately embrace each other in a passionate hug, squealing in excitement that their plan actually worked. You and Hongjoong were now both convinced. “Oh my gosh, we’re going to go as a family!” They cried in happiness. You giggled at their joy, reciprocating their enthusiasm.  

Sophie leans back in her seat defeated, shaking her head with pursed lips as she picks up the whole Chardonnay bottle and sips it. 

“Oh whatever. . . This isn’t my problem anyways.” 

When Hongjoong drops by the next morning to pick up Eunbyeol and Eunseo from your house for the weekend, he can’t lie but be a little heartbroken at the way his daughters ignore his kiss to them first thing. They instead, immediately shove the cottage advertising pamphlet in his face with victorious grins. 

“See! We told you mom would say yes!” 

“Say yes to what?” He pouts, avoiding the paper and obsessively trying to peck a kiss to each of his daughter's cheeks. The idea of going to the cottage almost slipped the busy man’s mind after almost a week of no news from you. 

“What’s so important that you guys don’t even say hi to me anymore?” he sulks.

Eunseo giggles, fighting back her laughter when her dad tries to tickle her with his kisses. 

“We’re going to the cottage!”

Hongjoong stills himself, leaning back to make sure he heard her correctly. 

“We’re what?”

Eunbyeol, taking after her mother, has a cheeky expression on her face as she places her hands on her hips and sasses her father. 

“Pack your bags and swimming shorts, daddy, we’re going on a family vacation!” 

In perfect timing, you manage to stumble out your front door, coffee mug in hand and mid-yawn when you realize Hongjoong is already staring at you in shock. 

“What?” you snap, still grumpy from your slight hangover. “You’ve never seen a woman wake up before?” You replied, asking your kids if they packed all their stuff. 

The twins watch as their dad stands up from his crouched position. 

“You’re going to go to the cottage?”

At Hongjoongs words you freeze, everything coming back to you all at once. The wine, the twins, the promises, it hits you like a moving truck. 

“Well…”

“No take backs mom! You said it yourself last night that you were excited to go to the cottage!” One of the twins pointed out. 

Hongjoong doesn’t take his eyes off of you. 

“I-I did say that, didn’t I?” You chuckled sheepishly, toes curling at the rookie mistake you made in parenting 101: saying yes when you should’ve said no. 

Your ex-husband quickly tells the kids to put their things in the trunk, promising he’ll be right with them after talking to you. As Hongjoong dashes up the stairs in his white polo golf shirt, you feel slightly exposed being in only your silk slip dress and robe. 

“I didn’t realize you’d be here so early” you mumbled, looking down at your toes. 

He ignores you. “So I’m guessing we’re going then?” He smirks, looking at you with an expression of undeniable cockiness and peaked interest. 

You shrug nonchalantly. “Let’s surround the focus of this trip towards the kids” you remind him, straightening your back.

Hongjoong nods, agreeing with you wholeheartedly. “Of course, that was my intention from the beginning,” he smiles. 

You swallow the lump in your throat, unnoticing his stare drop at your breasts perking up from the cool morning air. You jump in surprise as you hear the honking of the car. 

“Come on, love birds! We gotta go back to dad’s to get our swimming stuff!” Eunbyeol cackles, leaning from the backseat into the driver's seat window. Eunseo already begins journaling in her hello kitty note book, an organized list of what she’ll need to bring to the cottage.

Hongjoong looks back at his daughters, before looking back at you with a smile. 

“Let’s keep in touch about details, alright?”

You nod silently, gripping your mug. At the sound of your nextdoor neighbor coming out, Hongjoong contemplates for a moment before quickly leaning forward, shielding you from their view with his backside. Clearing his throat, Hongjoong nods his head to the inside of your house, leaning forward to whisper to you. 

“Think, um, you should get inside, it’s getting cold,” he mutters, his dimples faintly showing. You glare up at him, “I’m going to say goodbye to my own daughters”. Still clueless to what he was referring to. He grins, shrugging his shoulders before looking at you. 

“If you insist. Just thought you wouldn’t want your neighbor to see what I can see, would you?”

You gasp at his words, looking down at your chest to see what he means before wrapping your robe around you. You quickly waved goodbye to your girls before you shut the door in Hongjoong’s smug face. 

It’s now become the second time you’ve done that.

Thankfully, the next time you see Hongjoong you’re wearing a much more appropriate outfit. In a white cotton blouse and casual jean shorts, your effortlessly chic vacation outfit was the only highlight today, considering the day you had been internally dreading for so long was finally here. 

You tried to take deep breaths while scurrying all over your house and finishing some last minute packing. Reassuring yourself that a family getaway couldn’t kill you. 

Right?

Reservations at the cottage were made over the phone last week, booking a house with the perfect lake side view, access to the forest trail and close proximity to the offered activities. It would only be a seven day stay, both in your respective rooms, (you clearly emphasized you and Hongjoong had to have separate ones) while the twins would lodge together. You had no intention of interacting with your husband alone together on this trip, apart from the quote on quote, ‘family bonding times’ you promised your daughters. And yet why were you here sweating nervously like a sinner in church?

“What a hot lady!” Eunbyeol wolf-whistles at your outfit when she walks through your bedroom doors. You jump at the sudden entrance, realizing Hongjoong was already here to pick you up with the girls.

A pair of black designer sunglasses slightly too big for her sat perched on her nose. Eunbyeol smiles before jumping onto your bed of clothes. You already know Hongjoong must’ve spoiled her and her sister with those, buying them a pair each.

“C’mon Byeol, off the bed” you quipped, packing your toothbrush as she reluctantly slugged off the covers. 

Your suspicions of Hongjoong buying them designer items are correct when Eunseo walks in, classily perching her matching white ones on her head before chastising her sister's tasteless compliment. 

“Elegant. She’s Elegant, Byeol. You don’t just go around wolf-whistling at people.” she rolls her eyes. 

“You look very pretty by the way, mom”

You smiled, nevertheless pleased at both their compliments and thanking them before going back to doing a last minute check of your things. 

Sun cream, clothes, makeup bag, swimsuit…

At the thought of your swimsuit you immediately blush, thinking back to how Sophie forced you to borrow her yellow bikini that left very little to the imagination. Despite your protests that you wouldn’t be needing it, she insisted. 

Hongjoong is last to walk through your front doors, swinging his car keys around his index finger and calling to his three girls from the downstairs foyer of your apartment. The man is clearly excited for the trip, he can’t lie. 

“Come on ladies, we’re gonna miss the chance to swim in that lake if we don't leave soon!” 

Hongjoong is your typical dad, except for the fact that he does not mess with dad!fashion. The producer is dressed classily from top to bottom in a loose-fitting designer button up with a pair of reformed denim pants, his pearl earrings and gold piercings complementing his outfit perfectly. 

Kim Hongjoong didn't play when it came to fashion. Even as a father. 

“Coming!” You exclaimed, ushering your kids out of your bedroom and making your way down the stairs with your suitcase. Seeing that it would only be a week at the cottage, you tried to pack light, though you may have to reconsider that thought with the way you struggled to lift the case properly. 

“Need some help?”

A strong hand comes to help you, immediately inhaling the scent of Hongjoong’s cologne as he brushes his knuckles near yours. “Here, I’ve got it” he assures, making you step back and admire your undeniably fine husband. 

Ex-husband. You meant Ex-husband. Scratch out the fine as well. 

You watch from behind as he struts out the foyer, smiling and joking playfully with his twin daughters, carrying your luggage out the door with them. 

What was this trip doing to you?

Once you’re on route to the cottage resort and the GPS is set, the car is blissfully quiet, each and every one of you surprisingly at peace. Jittery excitement still lays deep in your daughters' minds as you overhear them talk about what they want to do first once they arrive. 

Hongjoong’s 2000s soft rock and ballad playlist is playing quietly throughout the speakers right now, relishing in the music as luscious, green trees flash by you from the passenger window. 

While Byeol and Eunseo distract each other on their own, Hongjoong turns to talk to you. 

“I’m not going to lie, it’s been forever since I’ve been on a road trip” he smiles.

You copy him, feeling good in the moment. “Same, I don’t remember the last time I went to one.” you confessed, thinking only of all the times you had in the past when you were a child and as a teenager. 

Even back to when you were a young college student, wide eyed and so innocent to the chaos of your first college retreat with Hongjoong. That was the summer you two began dating, and boy were you fools in love. You cautiously look to your husband driving, bringing up past memories.

“Do you remember that one college retreat we went on during second year?” 

The corners of Hongjoong’s lips are already grinning upwards, smiling as he reciprocates your expression. 

“Right, like I could forget that summer” he replies sarcastically, gripping the steering wheel. 

It’s an easy memory to digest. A time when you were both so young, filled with nothing but dreams and passionate love for one another. Love so deep, that you remember the nights you’d spend locked up with Hongjoong under the sweaty bed sheets inside your cabin, blissfully making love until the sun would rise and he would finally kiss you to sleep. Perhaps, it was that summer when you realized you were going to marry and be with Kim Hongjoong forever someday. 

Though it’s too bad, someday already passed. 

“Do you remember when Seonghwa got so drunk he ended up confessing to Jieun in front of all the girl’s sleeping cabins?” Hongjoong snickers, relishing in the embarrassing memory his friend always hates him for bringing up. You laugh out loud, remembering the memory. “Oh my god, yes!” You turned to face him, shaking your head. “In nothing but his underwear, right?” 

Hongjoong nodded, smiling with one hand on the steering wheel as he drove.

“Didn’t he end up jumping into the lake afterwards? With you having to go in and save him as well?” You share your laughter with one another, catching up on past memories as your twin daughters listened attentively in the back, reliving them with you together.

That's what makes the hour and half drive from the city into the wilderness feel so short, finally pulling into the graveled parking lot of the vast cottage resort. White suburban cottages lined along one another, a good amount of distance in between each for every family staying. 

As Hongjoong parked the car, the view outside was so glorious you had to hold your breath. Glistening clear blue waves in the lake reflect the bright sunshine from above. A light breeze is present today with the way the willow and oak trees swayed gently. 

“It’s beautiful” you gasped from as far as you got out of the car, stretching your upper body with eyes closed as you inhaled the fresh air. 

Hongjoong stills his movements, shutting the door before replying with his gaze caught at your backside.

“Yeah, it is” he smiles.

Both of you turn around at a loud voice coming from behind. “We’re gonna explore the campsites and souvenir shops first!” Eunbyeol shouts as she runs away with her sister's hand in hers, towards the wooden cabin that's settled further away. 

“What about lunch?” you call to them. 

“We’re not hungry!”

Hongjoong tells them to be safe, and to stick around nearby. You smirked, helping him unload the trunk as you told him. “They’ll be fine. They’re probably too excited to even think right now” you giggled, bumping shoulders with him. 

You feel the tension that was once so strong between you two fade slowly, walking up the wooden steps of your lodge and exchanging conversation with each other.

“Hey, I just want my babies to be safe” he admits, a grin on his face as he holds the cooler in his hands. You chuckle, shaking your head at his protectiveness. 

“Here it is!” he exclaims, setting the suitcases in the front foyer as he opens the door. “Lodge number 1117”

The two story cottage is larger than it appears from the outside, having a modern yet rustic interior that you and Hongjoong admired. It had everything you would need, from a well designed kitchen area to a cozy living room space.

“It’s perfect, the kids will love it” you beam, looking at the hanging hammock chair in the corner of the living room and the gray stone fireplace. It fit perfectly for your family. 

Hongjoong smiles, sunglasses perched on top of his head as he sets the luggage down near the kitchen. Walking up beside him, you help him unload the cooler and ice boxes first, settling into your new home for the next few days. 

“I’m guessing you still drink?” you ask, looking in his direction as you unloaded the case of beer you saw him bring from the trunk.

He gestured to the booze. “C’mon, it wouldn’t be a vacation without it, would it?” 

You wholeheartedly agreed, placing a few in the fridge before you shut it closed. 

“Hopefully, this time we won’t end up shit faced like we did back in college” you laugh, turning to face him. 

“I can already picture that time we got so drunk from that bottle of tequila my friend brought, we snuck out of the campsite and went to the forest and got lost.” you spoke, the memory a little foggy but nonetheless fresh in your mind. 

Hongjoong smiles, listening as you speak.  

“There wasn’t anything but trees and bushes in that forest!” You exclaimed, shaking your head. “What did we even do there?” 

Hongjoong replies nonchalantly, folding the cardboard box in his hands.

“I’m pretty sure we fucked.”

You momentarily freeze at his words, before letting out a soft awkward laugh, causing him to look up. 

“No we didn’t, Hongjoong” you immediately deny, not believing his words. But your brows began furrowing at the foggy memory, starting to realize you really couldn’t trust your alcohol tolerance, now as an adult and even back when you were a college student. Did you guys have sex? In a forest out of all places?

Hongjoong leans against the kitchen counter, across from you as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and smirks smugly. 

“Nope, I distinctly remember it” he recalls, taking a step closer so he was now in your space. 

“I held your hand in mind as we walked up that trail by the cliff. And gosh, were we horny that night, because I remember you complaining about all that dirt you got on your knees from giving me the greatest head i've ever experienced in my entire life-” 

Slapping your hands over his mouth to stop him from going on, you blushed as you glared at him. 

“Jesus christ,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before confessing.

“I get it, we fucked.”

Suddenly, you and Hongjoong break out into giggles like varsity sweethearts again at the story. Though embarrassed and cringing internally from the way you acted as young adults, it was nice to share them together now. At the proximity in which you’re standing in, you can't help but stare at each other softly. A hand wraps around your waist, making your breath hitch as he pulls you closer. 

“What are you doing?” you grin, watching him.

He looms over you, able to tell that something sits right at the tip of his tongue that he hesitantly decides to say. “I’m pretty sure,” he mutters, staring at your face and cautiously grazing the skin under your blouse. You feel your breathing speed up. 

“I also held you like this in my arms as you were leaning against that tree” his grip gentle and immediately transporting you back to the scenery that night. His sharp tone contrasts his touch. 

“Yknow, the one we fucked against?” he teases to you one more time.

The scent of burning campfire. A cold, midnight breeze. The feeling of the rough cedar tree against your back as Hongjoong thrusted inside you with every delirious snap of his hips, holding you close while he fucked you to oblivion with only the forest animals standing witness to your sinful actions. The film replays like a cheesy R-rated romance movie in your mind. 

“Did you, now?” You gulp, looking up at him as you adjust to the foreign feeling of his touch on your hips. 

“Yeah. I remember it all” he states, smirking down at you with an intense gaze.

The memory dies down when you catch yourself staring at his lips, arms finding their way around his neck as he dives down to whisper softly to you.

“Do you remember too?” He asks.

How he held you in his arms. How he whispered in your ear while you came around his cock, drool and traces of cum littering the corners of your mouth while Hongjoong didn’t care if you were stretching his flannel from how hard you were tugging at the material.

You nod. “I do,” you muttered, lashes fluttering as you felt as though your heart wouldn’t stop beating. “I remember you kissed me on the lips,” you confessed. 

Perhaps you wanted him to do it again right now. 

He looks in your eyes, searching for your approval that you desperately give, breath hitting each other's faces as he slowly leaned down to try and connect your lips. His chest is pressed against yours, and you begin to realize you haven’t shared the same breath like that in so long. You were so close to kissing right then and there.

If only you leaned in closer…

“We’re back!”

You push Hongjoong across the kitchen, shoving his hip painfully into the marble counter and ignoring his high-pitched groan of agony as you immediately look away to avoid suspicion, continuing to grab the beer from the icebox in front of you.

“Girls!” you exclaimed, voice wavering. 

Of course, Eunbyeol and Eunseo walk in with matching postcards and goodies from the souvenir shop in their hands, their sunglasses perched on their heads as their eyes lit up with excitement. They were still oblivious to the fact that they almost caught their parents about to make out in the kitchen.

“Dad, this place is amazing!” Eunbyeol deadpans, telling her father. “They even have jet skiing on the other side of the lake! We gotta go now!”

Hongjoong clutches his hip, pursing his lips as he hides his expression of pain and surprise. 

“Really? That's great sweetie”

Eunseo however, is quick to catch on.

“What were you guys doing?” she looks at you suspiciously. Her words hang in the air for a moment. 

“Were you guys about to kis-”

Hongjoong and you frantically scurry to find a plausible excuse, shuffling awkwardly. 

“I was helping your dad unload the cooler” 

“I was helping your mom get something out of her eye”

Both girls stare at you meekly. Eunbyeol scrunches her nose. “Huh?”

Plastering on a fake smile, you briskly leaped over the luggage nearby, ushering them upstairs before they had the chance to ask anymore questions.

“I think it’s time to unpack your things.” you watched their eyebrows quirk at the way you pushed them out the kitchen.

“We can do it on our own, mom! It’s really no big d-”

You clamp Eunbyeol’s mouth shut with your hand, blushing profusely as you walk away with them. 

Hongjoong stands there alone in the kitchen, rubbing his hip and wondering what the hell just almost happened.

The next few days, you and Hongjoong don’t discuss the incident between you two. Rather, the beginning of the trip after that event has become a painful performance trying your best to be eerily polite yet distant to each other in front of your children, as if that would make you forget the fact that you two almost kissed in the kitchen.

“Could you pass the sunscreen, honey?” Hongjoong would say awkwardly, turning his back to flash you a cheery smile on the lake deck as Eunbyeol and Eunseo watched you interact while floating in the cool, summer waters. 

You passed the bottle to your ex-husband while maintaining awkward distance. “Of course, darling!” 

“Thanks honey!”

“No problem sweetheart!”

This resulted in Eunbyeol and Eunseo looking at their parents in horror, the youngest twin muttering under her breath as they discussed an urgent change of plans.

“We have to get them to stop being weird.”

Apart from that, the ‘family bonding time’ promise to your daughters was maintained, and each day was an adventure for all of you in terms of what you would do together next. An accumulation of forest trekking, water-skiing and outdoors barbeques on the patio of your cottage made everyday feel more and more special for your girls, seeing how they relished in having both their parents with them at the same place and time. It became moments of peace and resolution that eventually became special for you and Hongjoong too. 

“I hope we stay here forever,” Eunseo blurted out one evening after a blissful day near the lakeshore, watching as the sun began to go down. She was busy licking the sticky sides of her melting ice cream cone in one hand, the other one held in yours. 

Hongjoong and Eunbyeol were a few feet ahead, laughing loudly and holding hands as they compared their fruit popsicles with one another to see whose was bigger. 

“You and Byeol would eventually get sick of going to the lake all the time” You smiled, the corners of your mouth turning up before her next words made the strings of your heart tug. 

“Sure, but at least you and dad could be together with us too.”

You watched as she ran up to her sister and dad, joining in on their fun as she began boasting that her ice cream was better than theirs. Hongjoong’s smile is the biggest you’ve ever seen it to be, looking down at his girls with a golden tan from the past few days spent outside, and hair slightly damp from swimming. 

Any person could tell the love in his eyes was as pure a father’s love for his girls could be. 

Her words stuck with you until that very night, where after dinner, board games, and much pacing back and forth in your own room before getting into bed, you decided to cautiously approach Hongjoong’s room on the opposite side of the second floor.

Bare feet padded across the wooden floors as you peeked through the sliver of the open door.

He's wearing an oversized sleep tee and blue pajama pants, getting in some nighttime reading before bed. His glasses are perched on his nose, intently reading his paperback novel. He looks as domestic as a husband gets. 

At the sound of your steps though, he sits up from his relaxed state on his bed, one arm that was supporting his head coming out as the other hand settles the book down on his abdomen. He looks surprised to see you. 

“Hi” he states, looking at you. 

“Hey”

Hongjoong’s expression immediately softened at your figure, watching as you shuffled awkwardly in front of him. The room is quiet. 

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” He nods, setting his bookmark in the spine of the cover and turning his attention to you, offering you to take a seat on his linen covers. You see his polaroid camera with photos taken of Eunbyeol and Eunseo perched on a desk nearby. 

You don’t see the ones he secretly took of you, as those are in his drawers. 

“Don’t tell me you can’t sleep by yourself” he gently teases before watching as your smile doesn't reach the ends of your eyes. You wrap your silk robe closer to your body, feeling sort of vulnerable. 

“How do you like the resort so far?” He asks, watching as you played with your fingers absentmindedly. “Is the room okay?”

“It’s wonderful Hongjoong, better than I could ever have hoped for.” You spoke up, telling the truth.

It’s hard to arrange your thoughts in your head when it’s just the two of you in his room. The kids were already fast asleep. Now was your chance to just tell him how you felt. Why were you hesitating so much?

“Hey, look at me.” Hongjoong’s soft voice calls out to you, a protective hand coming out to caress the back of your head in habit. He can tell you want to say something, and the gesture makes you emotional, remembering how he always used to do that to ease your nerves when you were younger. 

“What’s wrong? Am I making things uncomfortable on the trip?” he worries about the boundaries you established with him at the beginning, watching as your lip begins to quiver and the emotions suddenly overcome you. 

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” you sniffled, tears forming near the brim of your eyes as you looked up at the father of your children. 

Hongjoong’s eyes widened, shifting through the covers over to you. “Woah, hey, shh that’s alright I got you” he coos, immediately going into dad mode and embracing you in his arms, letting your head rest against his chest. 

The action is natural, no longer foreign or weird, and you silently thank him for leaving reassuring circles on your back. Husband or not, Hongjoong would always be your best friend first. You had forgotten how much you missed this comforting side to him.  

“Tell me what you’re sorry about” he states, chest tightening at your wet cheeks before he slowly raises your chin to look him in the eyes. 

“For being mean to you for so long” you sniffle, a weakened state of emotional guilt eating away at you. You let him watch you carefully.

“I’ve been thinking about how happy the girls have been during this trip. A-And it kills me that we’ve been fighting for the past seven years, and that they’ve grown up seeing such bad parts of ourselves, of my own self” you ramble, confessing how you felt. 

You look up. “They’re happy because we’re together Joong. Because we’re not fighting or avoiding each other like we used to do before.”

He watches as you look up at him with tears forming in your eyes. 

“You’re such a good dad. And I realized you deserve to hear that.”

At the sounds of more sniffles, Hongjoong finally speaks, smiling as he brushes stray hair from your face. 

“I wouldn’t want anyone else but you to be the mother of our children, I hope you know that”

His truthfulness throws you off guard.

“I’m sorry too” he sighs, letting you sit up straight and look him in the eyes properly. “I haven’t been the best partner either, baby. We were both mean to each other.” he says, brushing a tear away from your face.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve thrown a hair dryer at me once before as well” he attempts to make you laugh, affection blooming in his chest when he sees he succeeds, wiping your tears. 

“But I already knew how you felt, sweetheart. I always know” he smiles, eyes mirroring a weak ache in his heart.  

“Married or not, we were once friends. And now we’re family” His voice turns deep, strong and dependable like the father he’s become.

“We can start over” you tell him, smiling as he folds his hands over your palm. “We can always do better from now and going forward. For ourselves, and for Eunseo and Eunbyeol.” 

Hongjoong nods, hesitantly for a split second before he leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek, showing a gesture of affection that you longed for so long.

You shut your eyes, the kiss making your heart flutter. 

“Friends again?” He whispers, though silently wanting something more. 

You sighed, pulling him in closer to embrace in a hug. “Friends” you nodded while inhaling his comforting scent. 

The next morning, and for the rest of the remaining trip onwards, you and Hongjoong’s relationship dynamics did the equivalent of a 180 degree turn. 

It’s hard to believe you two really just wanted to be ‘friends’

Eunbyeol and Eunseo could tell by the way you talked to each other more, noticing you share more secret glances and fleeting touches that were innocent to the eye, but concealing a longing that you both tried to hide. You knew you couldn’t get carried away. You and Hongjoong were simply resolving a rough patch in your parenting. Not getting back together in a relationship. 

But after spending more time together while Eunbyeol and Eunseo became occupied on their own, it was hard keeping the interactions to a justified amount. Long walks in the forest, evenings spent cooking together, even cuddling together on the couch during family movie night. Thinking your kids were too busy watching the vintage Disney movie play on screen, when in fact, the real love story they were more invested in was happening right in front of their eyes, watching their parents falling in love again.

This led to the last event in their plan that they hoped would finally seal the deal. 

On Saturday night, the last night of your trip before you had to go back to the city, you and Hongjoong are surprised to find mini invitations left on your beds, scribbled in glitter pen and cursive handwriting reading out the following:

Gourmet Dinner Date for 2

Time: 7:30 pm

Location: Outdoor patio 

Dress code: Formal and Classy

You and your husband chuckled at the cards left on your beds, suddenly finding a twin each by your side and ushering you to get ready. 

“Do you and your sister even know how to cook dinner, Eunbyeol?” You questioned as your daughter rushed to push you into your walk-in closet, forcing you to get ready. 

She huffs, placing her hands on her hips looking offended. 

“At least my cooking skills don’t take after Dad’s, mom.” She mumbled, choosing your shoes for you. “Have some trust in a girl!”

Meanwhile, Hongjoong gets pampered by Eunseo in the other room, though in reality, her blunt critiques on her dads fashion are bruising his pride at the moment. 

“Dad, you have many normal clothes to wear. You have to chill with the ripped baggy jeans.” she demands, trudging through his closet to find something formal for him to wear. 

He begins to protest but his daughter shakes her head. “You’re supposed to look good for mom!” she huffs, searching on her own. At Eunseo’s words, the man starts to slightly worry, scratching the back of his head. 

“You and Byeol are gonna join too, right?”

She stops for a second, looking back to her father as she avoids the question and instead retorts back. 

“It’s just a date, Dad. Relax”

Back to what was happening in the other room at the end of the hallway, you huffed in frustration when you walked back into your closet after Byeol rejected another one of your outfits for the dinner date. 

“I have nothing else to wear, sweetie, these are all the clothes I have.” you came to terms with a hand coming to your forehead after having searched in despair. 

The ten year old shakes her head before pushing you out of the way and digging deep into your suitcase. She reveals a delicate piece of material you didn’t even realize you packed. 

“We got some help from Aunt Sophie and Uncle Hwa to pack you guys clothes that you could wear for a special occasion.” she wiggles her eyebrows, a smug grin on her face as you gap in shock. 

You inspect the dress, lips parting in disbelief as you feel the material. 

“I haven’t worn this since I was in college.” You uttered softly to yourself. 

At one longing look of the short dress, you shake your head, walking back into the closet to find something else. “I-I can’t wear this Byeol, what would your dad think?“ you asked nervously.

“Dad said he thinks your boobs looked hot in this dress so Aunt Sophie and I picked it specially” she looks up at you, proud of what she just said.  

You whip your head around, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Byeol! Where did you hear that from?” 

She sighs. “Dad had one too many drinks this one time and started talking about you guys back in college” she explained before shoving the infamous black dress in your hands. 

“Talked a lot about how pretty you were,” she draws out her words in a teasing voice. You curse your husband for his mistake.

You bite your lip as you stare down at the fabric in your hands. 

It was undeniable. You knew you looked amazing in this dress. You could testify from the amount of times Hongjoong ripped it off of you after countless night out’s filled with sexual tension and playful flirting. For god's sake, Eunbyeol and Eunseo could’ve almost had another sibling thanks to that dress.

“Fine.” you muttered bashfully, turning away as you walked into the closet to change. 

“But I’m just gonna try it on.”

Thirty minutes, one mental breakdown and too many outfit changes to count later, you walk down the stairs wearing the dress Eunbyeol had successfully persuaded you to wear. 

What do you know, the kid was right. Your boobs looked amazing in that dress. 

Not just your boobs, your whole body looked incredible with its strong curves and the beautiful fill it gave to the dress, making it slightly tighter than when you wore it as a twenty year old, but still all the more mature and sophisticated. You really did look hot.

Eunbyeol rushes down the stairs before you, catching up with her sister to inspect her job on their fathers preparation. 

“Well?” She says expectedly, looking at her dad. “Let’s take a look!”

He sports a simple yet timeless white collar dress shirt, the first few buttons undone as he wears a form fitting black dress-vest that accentuates his waist, dress pants paired to go along with it. Though simple, his silver rings pulled the outfit together, making him just as good looking and sophisticated as you were. 

Hongjoong’s back faces towards your front, watching as the man nervously shuffles his hands in his pockets.

“How do I look guys?” He gulps, adjusting his collar and sweeping his blond hair back. 

Eunseo rolls her eyes, a grin on her proud little face. “Do you even have to ask, dad?” She’s more than confident in the outfit she and Seonghwa coordinated together. 

He chuckles, shaking his head as he nervously tells them. 

“I want to look good for your mom, you know what I mean? She's a difficult woman to impress sometimes.”

“I’m difficult?” You tease, walking down the last few steps of the stairs. 

The man turns his head around, losing his breath at the sight of you standing there in front of him, wearing that dress that he hadn’t seen you wear for so long, looking breathtaking in every possible way. 

“Hi” you grinned softly, feeling sort of shy.

The way you fit in that dress made an insatiable hunger fuel inside Hongjoongs chest, eyes gazing at the way you strutted over in the black, lace covered material with your hair tied back and glossed lips turned upwards as your dimples showed. He breaks from his admiration when you quirk a brow at him, making the man almost fall to his knees and stutter uncontrollably. 

“I-I No I didn’t mean that-“

You giggle as you bravely take Hongjoongs hands in your own, shutting him up as you turn to your daughters standing in front of you, starstruck at your aura. 

“Outside, right?” you winked at them. 

“Right this way!” Eunseo enthusiastically leads you out back to the outdoor patio, a perfect view of the garden and lakeside coming into effect. Hongjoong slips his hand from yours, and slides it across your waist, pulling you into his side. 

“My parents are too cool” Eunbyeol sighs under her breath, watching from behind in awe.

Your ex-husband makes you swoon when he leans in to whisper softly. “You look breathtaking, sweetheart.” feeling an immense sense of pride at how lucky he was to make you the mother of his children. 

You blush, turning to him to whisper playfully back. 

“Not bad yourself.” 

You both look forward when you come to a stop at the patio steps, sheer amazement at the full preparation your daughters did for this event. Fairy lights were hung around the area, a table with two chairs on either side placed with a white table cloth and a bouquet of freshly hand picked flowers from the forest, battery powered candles that were sold at the souvenir shop lit in the middle and glowing softly. 

Eunbyeol dashes to the door when it rings, making you and Hongjoong furrow your brows. 

“Is someone here?” he asks, watching Eunseo fold a napkin over her arm like the pro waiter she was. The other one walks out, an oily fast food paper bag in her hands as she smiles. “Dinner is served!” 

“Turns out that diner 15 minutes away also delivers!” She chuckled, helping her sister plate the two cheeseburgers, fries, and vanilla and strawberry milkshakes. 

You and Hongjoong continue to watch in stunned amazement as the girls prepare the not exactly gourmet(?) but still impressive meal in front of you, their small hands working swiftly. 

“You guys prepared all of this?” You asked, getting a little emotional. They grin proudly, nodding their heads. “We called the place earlier and planned it all by ourselves!”

You pressed a kiss to each of their soft cheeks, thanking them both as Hongjoong did the same. 

“What did I do to get so lucky with my girls?” he smiles, ruffling their heads. 

“What about you guys?” You asked, watching as they slowly backed away to give you two some privacy. 

“Natalie and her mom invited us over for dinner and a sleepover tonight at her cottage,” Eunbyeol smiles. At the mention of their newly made friend that they had gotten close to over the week, Hongjoong looks at you then back at them. 

“What? But- ”

She cuts him off, rolling her eyes. “Her mom said it’s totally fine with her. She’s only two cottages down, and she’ll make sure we’re back in time again for tomorrow when we leave!” 

The two girls smile in excitement, though the both of you have your parental instincts kick in. 

“Please?” they begged, wanting you to let them go so that they could do this for you guys as much as they wanted to do it for themselves. “She’s waiting for us now!”

Hongjoong feels guilty. “C’mon, you guys should still join us!”

Eunseo immediately shakes her head, declining the offer. 

“Tonight is all about you guys. We don’t want to intrude” she chuckles, bumping shoulders with her sister who chips in.

“We’ll text you guys in the middle to let you know everything’s good of course” 

You and Hongjoong smile, a feeling of immense proudness overwhelming you from seeing your daughters act so grown up. There wasn’t anything else you felt grateful for more. 

“Thank you girls.” you muttered softly, watching as they flashed you a wink before hurrying out through the backyard door. 

“Don’t get all kissy in the backyard!” Eunbyeol teases, making cheesy smooching sounds with the back of her hand as her sister rolls her eyes and shoves her out. 

Before you know it, you’re left standing with just the sound of smooth jazz playing on the patio speakers and the buzzing of the summer cicadas. 

“She takes after you, I hope you know that” You told Hongjoong softly.  

He chuckles, “Not as much as you.” He gestures to the table. “Shall we?” 

And that’s how the next few hours seem to pass by without even realizing. 

You see, there was a reason why you fell in love with the man sitting in front of you, and you’re just beginning to remember it now. Being with Hongjoong felt as if the moment was everlasting, and you could testify that from the amount of laughter and deep conversation that was shared over dinner, bringing you to sit on that patio until the sun had set. Every so often you’d smile again at the thought of the twins preparing this all for you. 

“I don’t remember the last time I’ve been on a date like this” You blurted out after laughing about something, taking a sip of your strawberry milkshake through a straw. 

“Oh, so we’re going on dates now, are we?” Hongjoong grins, making you roll your eyes at him. 

You lean forward on the table cloth, watching as a glimmer passes through your husband’s eyes while he sits back in his chair, cocking his head to the side as he clears his voice. 

“But you’ve gone on dates after we split, haven’t you?” he asks, leaning forward in interest now, letting his chin rest on his palm. 

You shook your head slowly.

“Nope. Not since signing those papers” you revealed. 

Hongjoong furrows his brows in surprise. “And why’s that?” 

You suddenly didn’t have an answer. “I-I don’t know, I just…” You began, watching how he looked at you with an unreadable expression. You smiled, looking down and suddenly feeling embarrassed. 

“I guess I was too focused on running the bridal shop, I couldn’t find the time to.” You use as a cliche excuse. 

“Bullshit” he retorts back immediately. 

“It’s true!” You protested, throwing a fry at him that he dodges, landing on his finished plate. 

“You always did say back when we were younger that you wanted to be a designer. And look at you now” he admires, letting the candle lights shine a youthful glow to your face. 

“You always said you wanted to become a music producer and write your own songs.” you reciprocated, smiling as you soaked in the presence of one another. “And here you are now.” 

You think for a moment before asking the same question. 

“How about you?” 

Hongjoong silently shakes his head as his answer, though silently thinking about something else. The music changes to some old Billy Joel song in the back. You don’t realize it, but Hongjoong smiles to himself when he realizes the girls added it to the playlist. Of course they had to, it was one of the songs you played at your wedding. 

“What were we thinking when we got married like that?” You asked out loud, looking at how far you’d both come. You definitely skipped some of the order of the stages of a normal relationship. 

“I mean, we had no money, no prospects. Hell, we didn’t even have a car, Hongjoong!” you realized.

Your husband laughs, sitting straight and letting some skin show through his unbuttoned collar. 

“We were young” he justifies. 

“Yeah, and stupid too,” you pointed out, feeling the summer breeze pass by. It felt good to sit here like this with him.

You wondered, could sitting here like this with Hongjoong be a regular thing? After this trip, would you be able to walk back into each other’s lives again like this? 

As both parents and lovers?

Hongjoong brings up something you wouldn’t have expected him to. 

“Do you remember when we first found out about Eunseo and Eunbyeol?” he questioned softly, looking at you. 

You blink, taken aback. Suddenly you’re back in your college dorm washroom, sobs wracking through your body as Hongjoong who had only just sent his first few mixtapes to recording stations and companies nearby, pulled you close into his chest, eyeing the two lines left on the counter while he caressed your back. Only twenty years old and figuring out what you wanted to do with your lives, you were suddenly stuck in a sudden situation that had made you feel like your dreams would have been given up on completely. 

“I do,” you told him, pulling yourself from the memory. 

“I remember because in that moment I felt like the whole world was caving in”. You laughed, though it wasn’t fully cheerful.

“I don’t regret it, though” Hongjoong replies after some thought, gazing at you with truth in his eyes. 

You shook your head. “Of course. Neither do I.” 

It was a blessing to have two beautiful daughters as the product of your love.

“I don’t regret you either.” Hongjoong states.

You lock gazes, unable to take your eyes off of his face. 

“I loved you when I first met you and I still loved you when we divorced,” he says all at once, making your breath hitch and heart waver. 

“Don’t say that.” you tell him, looking away and suddenly reminding yourself you’re still divorced from the man sitting in front of you. 

How could he still love you after all this time? How could you feel the same about him?

Hongjoong continues, shaking his head as he bites back the lodge in his throat and makes up his mind. He has to tell you. 

“Truthfully, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.” 

Don’t do this to me you begged silently.

“I’ve hurt you just as much as you’ve hurt me.” He swallows, thinking back to the times you already knew he was referring to. The times where you fought to the point where there wasn’t even anything worth fighting for anymore. 

“But you have given me the greatest gifts of my life.” He smiles, holding his tears back.

“And for that I will always love you.”

You push your seat from the table, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and wanting to avoid him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” you dejected, walking away from the patio and from Hongjoong.

There wasn’t anything else you could fake anymore. You couldn’t bear to hear the man you once loved, possibly even still love, say these things like he had a dagger lodged in his heart. Didn’t he know he was only going to do the same to you?

Hongjoong is quick to catch up, holding onto your wrist and turning you around, that your back collides with the nearest wall inside, pressing your fronts together and closing the distance.

“Why do you always run away from me? From the possibility of us?” He exclaimed, voice breaking. His heart crushed at the way you turned your head, hot tears already clouding your vision. 

“Because ‘us’ can’t happen again, Hongjoong!” You cried, staring up at the man you once promised your life to.

“Don’t you get it? Us going on this trip isn’t a sign to get back together. What would we do seven years after breaking up?”

“We could do it” He states firmly, staring you down, both your chests heaving.

You bite your tears back again. “No we couldn’t, honey. We would be pretending to think we solved our marriage. What would we do about our daughters? After putting them through our constant fighting— ”

He slams his lips to your own, shutting you up as you painfully resist his touch. Your hands came up to push him away, but at the sudden gesture, you’re already giving in and sobbing softly, letting him hold you for just one last time. 

Your lips mold so perfectly, it almost hurts how much you missed this feeling. To have him slot his arms around your waist, pull you in close, and cherish you. You almost forgot this feeling. 

He pulls away softly, watching your lashes flutter, pleading to you for a chance as he leans closer, making your breath hitch. 

“We could be together as a family again,” he states firmly, your name leaving his lips in a desperate plea. “We never know if we try—”

You drown out his words, looking up with tears falling as you cut him off. 

“Seven years ago I gave you those papers to sign, thinking that you would’ve chased after me,” 

Hongjoong holds his breath, watching as the next words stumble from your mouth. 

“I realize now, how stupid I was to think that.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to chase you”

Shoving his chest away while mustering the last of your strength you uttered. “Of course I wanted you to chase me.” You let go of his hands. “It’s too late either way”, walking away from the defeated man.

Hongjoong stands alone near the patio entrance, watching his tears fall to the wooden floorboards. Holding the ring he had kept hidden in his trouser pocket, he plays with it in his fingers, silently wishing he had given it to you sooner. 

It rains the next morning on your departure back to the city. Perfect, considering it reflects the sudden storm of utter depression that falls upon your family. Long gone are the cheerful giggles and longing stares that were shared between you and Hongjoong during the ride to the cottage. 

There was no room for that, not after last night.

Eunbyeol and Eunseo sat slumped in the backseat, rain hitting the roof of the car as they mindlessly played on their cell phones. Really, they were peeking from behind every so often and watching their parents sit in the front seat with tension so thick, you could’ve cut it with a knife. 

What had they done wrong? They planned the trip, the activities, the dinner— it was all perfect. And yet why were you still fighting with each other? 

These questions racked in their brains, baffled to have witnessed the sight of their parents refusing to talk to each other after walking back from their friends' sleepover. 

Eunbyeol and Eunseo felt as useful as matchmakers without a couple, feeling their efforts all gone down the drain. 

At the sudden ring of your cell phone, you pick up, answering at the voice of your assistant. 

“I’m driving back up right now”

Hongjoong continues focusing on the road, the occasional wiping of rain from the windshield wipers on the front window. 

“Yes. That’s okay, I'll take care of it.” You muttered, glancing at the rear view mirror for a moment. Your twin daughters immediately sigh, having an idea of what to expect when you say those familiar words. 

“Thanks for letting me know.” 

You hang up the phone, 

“One of us isn’t going with you, are we?” Eunseo asks, making you look back at her with a sigh. 

“No, you’re not” You confess, apologetic. ‘I’m sorry honey. I really am.”

You look back facing the front, swallowing as you told Hongjoong. 

“You’ll have to drop me off at the studio. Some things aren’t working out with the client so they need me to come in and take care of it.”

He nods, unphased as he continues to look straight. 

“Will you be fine with the girls?” You asked carefully, watching them as they were slumped in the backseat.

Hongjoong grips the wheel before turning to you. 

“I‘ll be fine. Don’t worry about it” sending a small smile, though it doesn’t fully reach his eyes. 

The twins thank god that at least neither of them had to choose to go back home with either parent. 

They would’ve hated that more. 

After barely being able to depart and say goodbye to your daughters in front of your studio, holding them close for a warm embrace and thanking them for an unforgettable weekend, Hongjoong drives off with his daughters, an empty feeling cascading his thoughts. He puts on a smile still, trying to cheer up his girls. 

“What do you want to do first when we go home? Want to unpack and then eat? We can eat and then unpack. Or we could- ”

Eunseo crosses her arms, having been fed up for far too long.

“Dad, you must be out of your mind.” 

Hongjoong stills, furrowing his brows and peeking at the first born who crosses her arms, holding an attitude. 

“Eunseo, what are you- ” 

“You’re telling me you and Mom just spent a whole entire week together at the cottage, had the best time of your lives since separating with one another, and now you’re just going to go back to not speaking or talking to each other again?”

Hongjoong blinks at his daughter’s sudden outburst, already making a turn into the driveway of his house.  

Eunbyeol now reciprocates her twin, looking at her dad as she slouches beside him, coming near the front seat area. 

“She’s got a point dad. Do you really just not love mom anymore?” She worries, looking up at him genuinely concerned. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know how to answer these sudden questions right now, stuttering to reply.

“Me and your mother are fine!” He lies, trying to reassure them. “That trip wasn’t just for us, it was also for you two to enjoy— ”

Eunseo asks the million dollar question. 

“If you still love Mom, why are you letting her go a second time?” 

With the engine turned off, it's gone silent. Two pairs of eyes staring at their father, awaiting his response. 

“Well? Are you going to chase after her or not?!” Eunbyeol groans, her fathers lack of response making her pull her hair. 

They were right. How could he have made the same stupid mistake twice?

Hongjoong struggles to put the keys back in the engine, telling them to put their seat belts back on. Their eyes begin to glow with hope.

“Do you girls mind staying at your uncle’s for a bit?” He asks hurriedly, punching into his cell phone to call his brother for a favor as he pulls out of the driveway. Eunbyeol squeals, hands clamping over her mouth as her sister speaks on behalf of them both. 

“Dad, if you don’t drop us off and get your butt over to mom’s right away, I’m gonna report you to child services.” she threatens, watching as he steps on the accelerator, heart pumping so fast as he smiles through the rear view mirror.

You sighed, holding up your cellphone to your ear. 

“Call me once she approves the design then,” you told your assistant through the receiver, one hand looking over the sheets of paper, highlighting the changes to the new blueprint. 

“Alright then, bye.” 

After hanging up the phone, you rubbed your temples, head pounding as you tucked the files back into the folder. 

The clock in your studio showed the hands about to reach seven pm. A few hours had already passed since coming back from your trip to the cottage, trying to forget everything by burying your focus into the new dress prints a client of yours requested, remodeling them after the original was rejected. 

Fingers worked away swiftly, comparing textiles and fabrics as you looked at the piles of papers and messy sticky notes in front of you. But yet the gears in your mind seemed to churn achingly slow, sighing as you repeatedly told yourself the same thing. 

Just focus on the dress, focus on the dress, focus on the dress.

Don’t think about him. 

The task is impossible. Your mind can’t help but slip back to what your relationship has become with Hongjoong, and what you were going to do now that those seven days were over. For so long you had deprived yourself from indulging in your love life, prioritizing taking care of Eunseo and Eunbyeol while juggling your job as a designer. Had you been doing it all wrong? 

Hongjoong’s words repeat in your head like a broken record player. 

I will always love you

Lies. That promise couldn’t be kept. Your divorce was a clear outcome of it. You and Hongjoong were two people not meant for one another. You were too different, all you would do is hurt one another, make life an unbearable living hell—

And yet you missed him. You missed Hongjoong so much. 

What was fucking keeping you from loving him? Was it your stubbornness? Was it really the fact that he didn’t chase after you? Or was it none of that and just your own self being stupid?

The front door of the studio opens, pulling you from your thoughts as you got back to the sketches. You called up from your desk as you worked quietly. 

“The studios closed for the- ”

Heavy breathing. The man who just walked in catches his breath from dashing out of his car and up the three flights of stairs, driving through almost an hour of traffic in pouring rain to be here in this moment with you.

“Hongjoong?”

He’s drenched, making a mess on the floor of the studio as the droplets fall softly one by one. 

Suddenly he's striding over to where you’re sitting in long steps before slamming his lips against yours. The kiss throws you off guard, the shock of his cold hands cradling your face makes you close the gap unknowingly. 

Linking your arms around his neck while kissing back passionately, you let your hands rest on his shoulders, pulling back for air as you panted heavily, catching your breaths and looking at each other with pure love and lust. 

“Why are you here?” you asked, feeling dumb because your heart already knew the answer. His hands wrap around your waist, desperate as if you would leave him again. 

But he’s just so fucking tired of that now. He just wants to love you now.

“I lost you once.” He breathes, eyes watering.

“I’m not going to lose you again”. 

Suddenly, everything that kept you from being with each other is thrown away. 

That hate, that fear, everything is gone because you realize you still needed each other. You’re still the same twenty year old couple standing in that dorm washroom, holding each other close and knowing it’ll be okay because at least you had each other. 

You grasp onto his damp shirt, pulling him down with such force that your lips meet again, taking charge as you finally allowed him to have you. 

“You’re a fucking idiot” you whined between kisses, curses escaping your lips when he softly bites the flesh of your neck to test the waters. “I hope you know that”

He agrees wholeheartedly, nodding as if he was already getting pussydrunk.

“I’m an idiot” he mumbles to himself, letting it escape his lips like a mantra. Well, he was stupid enough to only chase after you this late, so if his wife told him he was an idiot, then so he was.

“Let me prove how much I love you,” a hand comes to graze near the collar of your shirt. 

You gasped, watching as Hongjoong lifted you from your seat and rutted his hips against your core pathetically, your ass digging into the edge of the table.

“Here?” Your eyes widened, watching his expression turn dark. He presses kisses on your collarbone, making your hands grasp the wood for support. “Hongjoong wait,” you exhaled in a deep breath, heart beating against your chest.

But he doesn’t give a shit. He’s tired of waiting. 

“It’s been too fucking long” he protests, ripping your top off. You’re dizzy from how abruptly he’s stripping you, latching onto his shoulders for support as you wobble from him unzipping your jeans and pushing them down, exposing you in nothing but your underwear and bra. 

And like the good little whore you are, you immediately spread your legs, letting Hongjoong get a view of the embarrassingly wet patch leaking through your panties as he’s crouched down to let you step out of the denim near your ankles.

Holy fucking shit

You stand bashfully, toes curling from how exposed and vulnerable you were being the only one naked. 

“Please?” you asked nicely, letting your foot rest on his shoulder as your pussy was now on full display for him.

You don’t have time to even finish the last word before Hongjoong dives in, lapping at your soaking cunt and humming in pure ecstasy at the taste. The muffled vibrations make you throw your head back, tugging on his locks to shove his face further. 

Hongjoong’s hands press into your thighs that cage his head in, leaving a grip that you guarantee with littering the flesh with red splotchy bruises. Did you mind? Not at all.

When his tongue pokes at the gummy flesh of your walls, you let out a full moan, echoing throughout the studio as the air begins to smell like sex. 

“Right there, yes” you urged him, leg beginning to shake from how weak it was getting. 

He's so invested, you fear he might suffocate any longer if he doesn’t pull back for air. So you grasp his head, pushing him away from his meal while you both gasped lightly.

You watch him wipe his slick covered chin with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact as he stares. 

“You were just begging to be fucked for all these years, weren’t you sweetheart?” He teases. 

Though you wanted him to lap at your juices until you came, you knew you needed to still feel his cock inside after so long. 

Your fingers played with the hem of your underwear, smiling back at your husband. 

“And you were just begging to get a taste of this pussy, weren’t you, Joong?” wiping that smug grin off his face.

”Lay down for me” he demands, getting up so that one hand finds its way to the back of your bra to unclasp it. The other clears half your desk covered in wedding dress blueprints and sketches, making sure nothing would make you uncomfortable before he fucked you on that mahogany surface so all you’d remember would be his name. 

And people said romance was dead. 

When the bra slides off and your bare back hits your desk, you suddenly realize what Hongjoong’s intention was when he ordered you to do that. 

Soft mounds spill out as your breasts take their natural form, giving Hongjoong the perfect view of your tits. Pervert. 

He immediately latches his tongue on a nipple, taking his hand and playing with the other, twisting painfully. 

A cry escapes your lips, parting them open as you let him play with them as much as he wanted to. He smiles against the motherfuckers, knowing that shut you up perfectly. 

“Are you ready for me to fuck you now?”

“Please, Joong, I need you” you whined, submitting yourself to your husband. He already knows you’re in need of one last kiss, coming up to give his wife what she wants by slotting his lips against yours again, this time much harsher. 

“Tell me so that I treat you good, baby” he mumbles, pulling back and making you clench your thighs together. He undoes his shirt in the meantime, unbuckling his belt and pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek when you sobbed. 

“Fuck me, please” 

His fingers slide your panties to the side to press his aching tip to your wet core. 

“Like this?” He teases.

“Inside, Hongjoong” you emphasized, meaning what you said with the way your nails dug into a pile of papers nearby. Biting your lip from how sensitive and needy your cunt was. 

“I know, I know,” he murmured, smiling to himself after messing with you. 

“I just missed this pretty cunt” before in one strong thrust, Hongjoong’s bulging tip enters inside your walls, giving you a stretch you forgot how much you loved. You whined softly. 

“Shit” he curses, relishing how the buildup finally led to this moment. 

The man is ravenous, but he’s genuinely trying his best to ease the painful stretch as you adjust to his thickness, nipping your neck in a trail of hickeys and love bites posessively.

With every thrust he makes, you arch your back, pencils and papers shuffling near by you. 

“Fucking look at my wife” he admires proudly, watching the woman he loves bounce her tits at every thrust of his cock. 

“S’too much” you caved in, shaking your head at the stimulation. 

You claw at his arms, head turning to the side as your eyes roll back from pleasure. 

“I know, mama, I know” 

He grabs a tit in his left hand, the right one coming down to play with your clit, pressing slow circles near where you were connected. 

“Fuck, I missed these” He rasps, savouring the feeling of your soft flesh in his hand, making you throw your head back. 

“Missed how they looked when you were pregnant” he says, thinking of how ethereal you looked when you were knocked up with his kids. 

“God, at this point I’m gonna get you fucking pregnant again” Hongjoong grunts, snapping his hips deliriously back and forth. He envisions you round and full, fulfilling his inner fantasy. 

“Shut up.” You spat, breaking the mood as you bit your lip to suppress a moan. He almost laughs when you then crane your hips back to give him easier access to keep penetrating you. The desk shuffles. 

“Your mouth is saying one thing, honey, but your body is saying something else” 

After hearing his words, you suck him in further, both of you now getting close. 

“M’close. M’so close!” you whimpered, sitting up so that now Hongjoong could hold you in his arms, caging your body so his cock could stuff you better. 

Your mouth hangs open in silent bliss, hands scratching his back. You leaned into his ear, making the final chord inside him snap. 

“Make me cum, daddy” 

And just like that, you’re clenching around Hongjoong’s massive cock as a creamy white ring begins to form. Hot ropes fill you up inside, tangled in a sweaty mess as he purrs, caressing the back of your head again in habit. 

“So fucking good, sweetheart. You did so good for me”

The sounds of your breathing fill the studio, a pencil or two rolling quietly away on the ground from being shoved off the desk. He shakes his head when you try to pull your sweaty bodies away, hair sticking to your neck but feeling the way he refuses. 

“Just let me love you,” he mumbles into your shoulder, dick softening inside you. “Just for a moment.”

You’re too tired to say anything back, so you finally give in. 

Seven years passed by you two without even realizing how much you still loved each other. Though you wouldn’t be able to get that time back, for once, there was something that you and Hongjoong agreed upon. 

You had no intention of wasting that time any more. 

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄:

Months later, and it still takes everything in Eunbyeol and Eunseo hearts to not scream at the sight of their parents when they walk hand in hand, smiling happily in public as they pick their daughters up from the first day of school. 

The girls jump into their parent’s embrace, eying the two silver rings they now wore proudly together. 

“How was school, darlings?” Hongjoong asks, pressing a kiss to Eunseo and Eunbyeol. 

“It was fun! We watched a documentary about lovebirds” she smiled, looking back up. You laughed softly.

“Which reminded me to tell you,” she grins, watching as you, her sister, and father all looked at her. 

“I hope you know that getting you and dad back together was my plan from the start.” she confesses, smirking at Eunbyeol who scoffs, crossing her arms. 

“Nuh uh, this was my idea first!” 

Before her sister could yell at her twin, you jumped in. 

“Plan? What plan?” You asked quizzically, both you and Hongjoong standing there confused.

“To get you guys to fall back in love again, of course!” Eunseo smiles, both her and her sister now giggling softly together.  

“How am I just finding out that there was a plan?” Hongjoong mutters, scratching his neck in confusion. You turned to the two girls, stopping in your tracks on your way to the car

“When did you two even think of all this?” grinning in astonishment as you felt Hongjoong slot his hand and intertwine it with yours. It felt natural now.

“Yeah, I'm curious too” he states, leaning close and becoming intrigued.

Your daughters look at each other before smiling. 

“It’s a long story.”

But at last, time is something you finally now have as a reunited family of four, walking back to your car, holding hands with a twin on each side.

Listening carefully, as your daughters start from the very beginning.

taglist: @vent-stink @dazzlingstarrs @vcutparis @xpixie @potatos-on-clouds @showingmafandomlove @bibbleypoof @kpop-will-kill-me @avantalem @beabatiny @gabrielle-brugger @nsixns @amaranth1ne @stayminho @myblovedjyh @kkeshia @rebekah-reads @yoonbroom @4kwp @butterflydemons @iwaizumiismybae @soobinsputnik @stayatinykatsy @atitties @justconniez @kitten4sannie @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @cheolsthicthighs @morethingsfandom @geminiml95 @byuntrash101 @quailbagutte @syubseokie @newworldwritings @urmom26john @sleepy-kat-here @pearltinyy @hjshyhyssnmgwyjh @cursedeastern @starryunho @piratekingateez2001 @jiminbility @paumll @drinkingrumandcocacola @roomsofangel @channies-bbg-room @meanaonthemoon @teeztopia @pommelex @kiln9z @sanhwalvr @youresolivlie @edawg77 @a-0206 @summer-gyu @bvidzsoo @yoongzsmile28 @tournesol155

[kuroos-moon]

『  Mistaken Kisses 』

a/n: i really suck at reading word per word huh, my eyes kinda missed accidentally 🤠✨ anon i apologize for being trash pls i’ll make it up to you anytime 😭 

part two | atsumu, sakusa, kenma

pairings: oikawa x reader, tsukishima x reader, sugawara x reader, kuroo x reader

warning/s: slight angst (for all except Suga), language

☾ Oikawa Tooru

unbelievable 

leaving the gym late at night and the first thing he sees is you being kissed by someone else

short-circuits, wanting to lash out and sink into the abyss out of depression at the same time 

it’s the ultimate heartbreak for him rlly and it manifests into ugly annoyance and anger

He watches you push him off, his hand twitching to slap the guy in the face as hard as he serves. “Kunimi-kun, can you hand me that ball over there,” he says, his junior quick to follow his demand at the rare occurrence of his serious demeanor. 

One minute you’re cursing at the person and the next he’s on the ground, groaning in pain with a bloodied nose, the volleyball now bouncing off somewhere. You look to the source and freeze when you see your frowning boyfriend who looked so disappointed in you. 

He only walks off as if he hadn’t seen anything, with you practically jogging in long strides to catch up with him. 

“Toru, I know how you must feel but I didn’t want it either!” You try to reason with him but he pretends to not hear, tightening his grip on his bag as he continues to walk away. 

You grab him by his wrist making him stop to look at you, “oh, y/n-chan didn’t see you there! Why’re you here, did you finish so soon with your other guy?” His smile doesn’t fool anyone at all with his eyes cold and piercing. 

“You saw how I pushed him away! He kissed me out of nowhere,” tears start to gloss your eyes, normally it would stop him from acting childish when you guys fought before but right now, he simply can’t shake off the feeling of betrayal. 

He scoffs, “how would you feel if I have other girls kiss me?” 

You glare at him, knowing fully well how childish and immature he could be but this was a tad bit too much. “I wouldn’t like it all! But I didn’t let him kiss me, you saw so yourself! Don’t be so difficult!” 

“Are we done here?” He spitefully says, withdrawing his arm from your hold. You watch him in disbelief when he actually walks away again, leaving you there.

To your surprise though, he turns on his heel and makes his way over to you with a frown, muttering under his breath and all you hear was “stupid, stupid, baka, everything’s so stupid.”

“Are you alright?” He asks, a small scowl on his lips as he refused to look at you. “I was surprised when he grabbed me, Toru, I really wouldn’t do that to you,” you manage to choke out despite the lump in your throat, and he looks at you in alarm.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he coos, tucking locks of your hair behind your ears before cupping your face.

“It’s getting late, let’s go home, yeah?” He smiles, before you both walk in the dark streets hand in hand.

☾ Tsukishima Kei

first off, what the actual fuck

he stands still, unconsciously clenching his fists by his sides as he watches you push off the guy

“I’m sorry, I was dared to,” he explains and you hold the look of disgust, frightened when you finally see Tsukishima 

in a heartbeat, the person who kissed you was on the ground, having been kicked by Tsukki out of nowhere 

“Tsukki!” You hiss, going up to his side immediately while he looked down on the guy clutching his side. “Ah, gomen, gomen, did it hurt?” He says with false sincerity, a taunting smirk playing at his lips and you actually fear for what he was going to do next. 

“Tsukki, it’s fine, let’s just go,” you tug on the white shirt he wore, fresh from practice thus the sweat. He momentarily scans your face and he could tell you were frightened and disgusted all at the same time, but what was this bitter feeling he felt? 

Unreasonable jealousy that’s what. 

He sighs before wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he brings you inside the gym, leaving you in the care of Yamaguchi for a while before he exits the gym once more, grabbing the poor kid by the collar. 

“Who gave you the fucking right to kiss my girlfriend?” He sneers in a low chilling voice, scoffing at the terrified expression he wore. “Pathetic,” he tuts before letting him go, deciding it was best to check on you first. 

You’re both in the changing room now, and he had you drink water while he stood shirtless before you. “Next time you should really wait inside,” he tells you, the image burned to the back of his mind that was no good for his temper at all.

“I’m sorry Tsukki,” you guiltily say, looking down at your feet. It actually bothered him so much to have seen you being kissed by someone else, but he knows how none of it was your fault, he really does, that’s why he felt so bad for being slightly irritated at you but he can’t help it. 

“Whatever, let’s go,” he says, finally putting on a shirt and not waiting for you to stand up as he leaves the room first. 

☾ Sugawara Koushi 

this baby’s lit up face as he makes his way over to your classroom contorts to a look of pain once he sees you

before the ache grew he had already assessed the situation though, seeing as how you’d pushed him off cursing

but what the fUck he is anything but chill 

doesn’t really show though as he makes his way over to you, hand resting at the small of your back

You instantly feel safe and secure, looking up to meet his soft eyes on yours, he wanted to reassure you that he understood and that he wasn’t mad at you one bit, it still kinda sucked though. 

“Koushi, he suddenly did it, I don’t know why,” you explain and he strokes your hair, “I know, don’t worry about it,” he smiles. He instantly looks at the pathetic excuse of a guy before you, and the still smiling Suga spooked him out. 

“Why’d you kiss her though, h/n-kun?” He politely asks, and you questioningly look at him, like how is he so calm and like?? not loud?? You’re very much aware how he is when he explodes. 

“I’m sorry man, I just kinda thought she’d like it,” he sheepishly says, avoiding his eyes. You’re both caught in surprise when Suga chuckles, and it almost sounded legit if not for the cold and vicious look pointed at him. 

“Daijoubu, daijoubu,” he says, making his way over to him, and you’re beyond confused when he sticks out his hand, the naive boy stupidly accepting it. 

“You better not come anywhere near her again though,” he warns, his voice dropping low and cold as he looks him straight in the eyes. “I won’t do it again, but we’re classmates so- ow,” he winces. 

You glance down at their hands, noticing how his was obviously being squeezed tight and hard by Suga himself. “I get it, I get it,” he huffs, taking his hand away. “Geez,” he mutters, eyeing Suga darkly before he walks off, and not soon after, he stumbles to the ground because of Suga’s stuck out foot. 

“You didn’t even apologize to her, where are your manners?” He frowns, “dirtbag.” 

Suga took you to an isolated hallway after that, doting on you, and once you’ve assured him you were fine and all, you’re embraced in a warm long hug. “It must’ve pissed you off, Koushi,” you say, guilt behind your voice. 

He merely hums in approval, running his hand up and down your back. “It did, I really really wanted to beat him up but,” he sighs dramatically, and you raise a brow. “I don’t wanna be a bad guy in front of you,” he offers a shy smile. 

☾ Kuroo Tetsuro 

like Oikawa, he would practically stop functioning for a while like what even- what tf in the world is he seeing

he could’t process it, you’d never do that to him but it hurt him so much

quick to catch on that it was without your consent though as you struggled to push him off 

needless to say, i think we all know how Kuroo with his towering height and buffed build could be scary and intimidating

“It was a prank, a harmless prank bro!” He defends, panicked as he was pinned to the locker door behind him with Kuroo clutching on his collar. 

“Harmless?” He repeats with a tone of disdain, and you could practically feel his shiver at Kuroo’s words while you watched their exchange. “Kuroo, please don’t start something,” you touch his arm hesitantly, worried about your teacher’s pet and perfect-deportment boyfriend. 

“I’d never,” he grins sadistically, yanking him before slamming him back to the locker. “Tetsu!” You hiss, trying to pull at him but it did absolutely nothing. “I swear it was just a prank, I planned to kiss any girl- 

“And out of all the girls you decided to kiss mine?” He almost growls, and they both had a resemblance of that of a predator and its prey. “Tetsu, stop it!” You demand, and he does, immediately letting him go and scoffing when he runs away. 

“Calm down,” you hold both his hands in yours, and his dark eyes look at you. He remains quiet, taking you with him as he walks off to the empty volleyball court. 

“Are you mad?” You hesitantly ask, looking at his back as he turned on the lights, “furious,” he shortly answers. He really was fuming mad, no matter how rare he got angry, the incident a while ago was like a stab to the chest for him. 

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, feeling small as you stood still in your spot. He halts his actions though once he hears you, “I wish I could turn back time to avoid him but- 

“Sweetheart I’m not mad at you,” he cuts you off, guilt consuming him as he reflected on his actions a while ago; not once had he asked if you were okay, instead he succumbed to his anger and disregarded how you felt. 

“You’re not?” You ask, looking up at him, and he sighs, “come here,” he opens his arms, and you’re more than happy to rush towards him. “I’m sorry for losing my cool,” he says after you practically threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his torso. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” you mumble against his chest, and he clenches his jaw, the mere memory of it making him feel hurt and angered at the same time. “It wasn’t your fault, but it totally sucked, I’ll give you that,” he groans, burying his face in your shoulder. 

“Let’s get you home so you could brush your teeth thrice, and then let’s make out,” he grins. 

________________________________________

General Taglist [Open]: @noyasbitchh​ 

[purplefair]

j.t. | all i wanted

pairing: jason todd x unrequited!reader & platonic!dick grayson x platonic!reader

a/n: dear fucking god- this hurt to write- and this is an au where all the robins are living at the manor. reader is close friends with the batboys. also “she” is the new batgirl- also, there isn’t a specific iteration of the characters that is mentioned, i left that up to your imagination. :) and i didn’t know how tf to begin this-

request: yes by @artistichoodiegirl : “i wrote a poem that reminds me of jason. can you write an angst fic based off of it?”

warnings: ANGST OMFG THE ANGST- also, i don’t know if i like the way this came out, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless. :)

you wanted to deny your feelings for him, but being as that felt physically impossible, you felt like a lost cause. crying your eyes out almost every night all because of a stupid guy. your brain tells you that you’re an adult, that you shouldn’t be so messed up over a guy, that you’re pathetic for feeling this way.

this night wasn’t any different, laying on your bed, wallowing in your own self pity.

dick walked down the hallway to your bedroom to tell you that dinner was ready, but when he heard your sniffling through the door before he was about to knock, he became concerned for his best friend. dick knocked, not giving you a chance to respond before turning the handle and opening your door to find you and your room a mess.

tissues everywhere, empty water-bottles, and and dishes on your bed-side table. he sighed before asking the same question he had been asking you for days, “are you okay?”

you turned to him, and what he saw shocked him. your hair messy and all over the place, eyes and nose red, it didn’t look like you were just sad, you looked ill.

“yeah, i’m just peachy.” you replied sarcastically, trying to deter him from being serious with you. “y/n i’m being serious. you’ve been cooped up in here for what seems like days, the boys are worried about you.” you chuckled, still trying to make it seem like you were okay.

dick walked a little bit further into your room before closing the door, knowing you didn’t like your door open. he moves to your bed, sitting across from you, “is he worried?” you asked, already thinking that this certain “he” couldn’t give less of shit about you.

“yes, jason is. he’s been wondering if you’re okay, why you’ve been avoiding him, and why you won’t even so much as look at him anymore.” you keep your eyes looking away from dick, knowing looking at him would make you sob again. “you know i can’t tell him why.”

“why not? you aren’t going to ruin his happiness with her by just talking to him about how you feel. i bet you’d even find at least some closure by talking to him!” you know he’s right, he usually is about these things. you, again, didn’t respond. opting to keep your eyes away from dicks gaze.

“if you’re not going to talk to him, fine. but at least come out and get dinner, talk to the rest of the family for a little bit, please?”

“i don’t know dick-“ “please, for me?” you shouldn’t have looked at him, his gorgeous blue eyes are impossible to say no to. “…fine. but let me get ready, i look like absolute shit right now.”

“yeah, you do.” that earned him a pillow to the face.

you closed your bedroom door before heading down the hall and to the kitchen. were you nervous, yeah. did you really want to speak to jason, no. but, you were doing this for your best friend and no one else.

and of course, the sight that you didn’t want to see the most was right in front of you, jason sitting on the couch with her in his lap, almost on top of him.

“hey, look who finally came out of hiding.” you mentally cursed tim for making it obvious. heads turned, but jason’s and hers stayed where they were, as though the couldn’t care less. you looked away from them and moved over to where damian, tim, and dick had been sitting after already getting some food.

you were 90% sure that tim knew about your feelings for jason, you didn’t know if damian knew or cared, and of course, dick being the emotional support friend, of course he knew.

you four sat in comfortable silence, occasionally hearing jason and her giggle, making you want to shiver from how uncomfortable it was. tim seemed to notice this and gave you a look of sympathy, damian lyes back on the couch and muttered to himself, “idiot…” looking at jason.

you chuckled softly, you didn’t know what it was, but damian had a way of making you feel better, even if it was unintentional. of course he knew, your moping had been kind of obvious.

making comfortable small talk with the other boys while eating, jason occasionally looked at you. ‘i should talk to her.’ he thought, before being distracted by the woman in front of him.

laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling trying not be/ feel pathetic for being upset that he didn’t even speak to you during dinner. you grabbed the pillow on the other side of your bed and pushed it over your face, and screamed.

even though jason has never slept in your bed with you, it felt…cold and lonely. he was something you craved, but knew you could never have, like god just wanted to continue to fuck you over.

there’s a knock on the door and you’re sitting up very quickly, “hey, can we talk?” it was jason.

hoping you looked okay, you gave a little huff and said to yourself, “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…”

“come in!” jason heard through the door, turning the handle and making his way into your room. your eyes widened and tried to act normal, like his presence didn’t make your stomach do flips. he closes the door behind you and sits next to you on the bed, you of course still not looking at him.

“why have you been avoiding me? you haven’t talked to me in days, and you can barely look at me. what’s going on?”

you wanted to tell him, you really did. but you couldn’t ruin what they had, knowing it’d be awkward for you, jason, her, and the rest of the boys.

“nothing is the matter jason, i just…haven’t been in the best state of mind recently, that’s all.” you mustered enough courage to turn and look at him, automatically regretting it to find him already looking at you. his eyes full of concern, but void of love. sure, maybe an almost sibling love, but not romantic. before all of this you had tried to make it painfully obvious of how you thought of him. but after she showed up, there was nothing really you could do.

“y/n, i’m going to take your word for it, and not pry. but i still want to talk to you.” “about?”

he looked at you once again, “does it matter?”

no, it didn’t, all that mattered was that he was talking you, something you had tried to avoid but internally yearned for.

asking the most painful question, just to make it seem like you really were okay, “how’re things going between you two?” he laughed, his beautiful smile never failing to mesmerize you.

“they’re going pretty good actually, i think i want to marry her.”

why were you surprised? they had been going for awhile now and of course he’d want to marry her. she could give him everything he wanted.

you tried not to whip your head around at him, you also tried not to burst out in sobs upon hearing those words. he wanted to marry her? “oh wow, that’s…a big commitment.” you laughed, trying to seem normal.

he in turn laughed a little too, “yeah, i know, but she just makes me so happy. i finally have the chance to have the family i’ve always wanted,”

“have two kids, preferably daughters. i am definitely going to name one amber.” of course he would, he’d always loved that name.

the pain in your chest is indescribable, you had hoped that he’d be having that family with you. but , it seems as though you may have waited too long. “that sounds amazing…i’m so happy for you.”

the words sounded disingenuous, but at this point you didn’t care. it hurt too much to see the person you love the absolute most, talk about starting a family with someone other than you.

faking a yawn you stood up, “i’m pretty tired, so i’m gonna have to kick you out now.” jason gazed up at you, faking being offended. “wow, we just started talking again and you’re kicking me out? rude.”

you laughed as he stood up and walked to your door, you following not far behind. when he stood just outside your door and in the hallway, there was an awkward silence. “goodnight, jason-“

“before i leave, can i get a hug? i’ve missed you y’know.” jason held his hand between the door and the doorway.

you hated how much you loved those words, he said he missed you. “yeah, you can have a hug.”

jason pushes the door open and quickly wraps his arms around your waist, and you wrap your arms around his neck. “please never avoid me like that again.”

he muttered in your ear, sounding genuinely hurt by what you had done. “i won’t.”

it felt like minutes before he pulled away, looking down at you and smiling. “you should get some sleep, i can see your eye bags underneath your concealer.”

“shut up, asshole.” you laughed, knowing he was just teasing you. jason stepped out of your room and into the hallway, “goodnight, y/n.”

“goodnight, jason.” you both smiled at one another before he walked down the hall to his bedroom. you closed your door and suddenly everything hit you like a ton of bricks.

he was going to marry her, he wanted her children, and he’s going to name one amber.

he’s going to have the “big, happy family life”, something you knew you probably would be apart of. possibly babysitting his children.

you hated thinking about it, but, as long as he was happy. you’d do anything for him, even while suffering in silence.

now you were left to yourself, again, laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down the sides of your face and soaking your hair.

“fuck, i’m pathetic.”

you cried yourself to sleep, for the 7th time that week. wishing you would have been brave enough to just tell him how you feel, but instead you’re all alone.

and who else is there to blame, but yourself?

also, here’s the poem that the requester wrote! <3

I tried to win your love but

I can't compete

when she already won

god she's so much better

you should give her that diamond ring

I was begging for

I bet she's dying for you to get down on one knee

You probably already sing her to sleep

brush her hair

like you used to do for me

now i'm alone

got no one to hold

god my bed is so cold

But I still hope she's happy

make her smile when she's lonely

and give her a home

now that I'm alone..

imagine all of the little babies

you'll have driving her crazy

You'll probably have 2 daughters

I bet you'll name one Amber

you always really liked that name

you'll be such a wonderful father

I know you had those doubts

but I know she'll even them out,

And even though we aren't together

you always have my shoulder

for when your doubts

start to make the world dark

I just hope I'll still be around

to meet all of your little ones

but for now

I'll sit here and watch you…

be happy

I bet she's feels lucky

I'm glad you have one another

to hold each other

and keep the bed warm...

I hope you're happy

and never ever feel lonely

I'm glad you found a home

now that I'm alone...

[ask-sou-hiyori]

Important Lore!

This post will contain very important details about this blog. It’s highly recommended that newcomers read this in order to understand aspects that will be mentioned throughout the blog!

It may be long since so much has happened and Mod Soup wants the audience to understand as much as they can, but also lore is very tasty so there’s that too.

Everything will be listed underneath the Keep Reading as to not clog up the current events, but will remain pinned and be updated when needed~!

(MAIN: @soupietime )

(Disclaimer: if you've seen and read before I was involved in the Takeover event and all that, please note that the previous Dad Midori stuff is NON-CANON to this blog, it makes me, the mod, quite uncomfortable. thank u and here's a snail 🐌 \^o^/)

(...Catboy Shin event was pretty funny though not gonna lie)

(Added fact: I HAVE NOT PLAYED 3-1B YET-)

(Added ADDED fact: I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED PLAYING 3-1B)

(Keys: MILL / More Information Listed Later)

BASIC INFORMATION

Name: Shin Tsukimi / Sou Hiyori (previously)

Age: 22

Height: 5’5”

Weight: 106 lbs

Sexuality: Bisexual (male leaning)

RELATIONSHIPS

Gin Ibushi (@askgin-ibushi) - Familial love. His only son, officially adopted before the beginning of the “#up the tower” (MILL) HE LOVES HIS EPIC SOOOOOOON.

Sara Chidouin (@ask-chidouin-sara) - Didn’t pay much mind at first due to lack of trust, but soon developed a protective nature towards the girl. Adoption material?

Sou Hiyori/Midori/Spark (@ask-sou-midori) - Unaware of his new name (Spark). He has heavily conflicting feelings due to the effects of “#event: blended” (MILL) but currently does not forgive him for his actions due to the amount of trauma caused to both him and his family. He’s afraid of this man, yet misses him greatly. Seeing him brings him immense pain, but also a strange comfort. He is unaware whenever he relapses with Hiyori.

Zinnia (@askgin-ibushi) - Strong security guard lady… kind and protective. Good for comfort and cuddling. Soft.

Leidora Margarati (@askgin-ibushi) - Resident Doctor. Helped Shin realize that Midori/Spark gave him severe brain damage with the “blending” and everything in his blended life was a lie. Shin is grateful for her in telling him the truth, but as a result Shin has many conflicting feelings about everything and himself, plenty of migraines and headaches to go along with it all. Leidora is the one helping Shin heal from the severe trauma caused.

Shin Tsukimi (literally me) - ……

(There are various other blogs out there, but Shin has not made much of a relationship with them yet. These blogs are who Shin has interacted with relatively a lot and thus formed relationships and thoughts about them)

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

Every character from these blogs are from their own YTTD universe. Through the power of Tumblr and ask blogs, a rift was torn and brought these characters together.

Though… Gin and Midori/Spark have been known to be from the same universe.

Revealed during “#hospital arc”, Shin is from Gin and Midori’s universe as well. It’s been believed he perished due to an act to save Kanna in the second main game, and then killed after an escape attempt. However, that was proved false after a conversation between Shin and Spark, Shin showing him his abundance of gunshot scars from how he was “killed” in the second main game, Spark immediately recognized the scars, and thus… the reveal has been made. Gin is aware of this fact as well after Shin returned to the hospital, the two now closer than ever.

There had been a Sara in the three's universe. Gin had taken his own Sara with his sacrifice win, but she had eventually offed herself, leaving Gin as the only survivor before finding out that Shin survived as well.

Kanna is a sister to Shin. Shin is a brother to Kanna.

Gin and Shin are family :) Father and son

EVENTS

(NOTE: If you are going to read through the tags of the events, MAKE SURE to read through the notes of any interactions, as very important parts of the events are played out through interactions between the blogs. It’s not only through the asks of the audience. Plus it's easier than scrolling through to find every single interaction reblog)

#event: takeover (@askgin-ibushi)

The event that brought us together

Part 1 synopsis

Part 2 synopsis

You may read these synopses on the event in the links above, or you may read through the whole tag on Gin’s blog :D

#event: blended

(TW: mental manipulation and toxic relationships)

After the events of Takeover, Shin was found by Gin in… well, Gin’s room. Midori manipulated Shin before getting chased away and told Shin to stay in the room until he came back. Obviously, Midori did not come back. Shin only left the house after getting a few answers from Gin (who came up to his room shortly after Takeover) about what happened, and Gin falling asleep. Snzz.

Soon after, Shin gets a call from Midori again, and… surprise surprise… Midori manipulated Shin once again and got the man to follow him into a warehouse, putting a machine (that was similar to the one Midori put on Gin previously) onto Shin’s head despite the man’s loud and frantic protests, “blending” his brain and turning him into his own “perfect Shin”, which was a Shin that absolutely loved and adored the man, doing anything he would tell him.

Midori, using Shin’s totally real love and adoration to his advantage, sent him to Gin with the intent to lure and kidnap him. After all… Gin was part of Shin’s “family”, it would be wrong to just leave him alone… While Shin had a “family” mindset, Midori wanted to kidnap the kid solely due to the fact that Gin was the “winner” of their death game via sacrifice. Midori had the job of collecting the winner and making them join Asunaro. Shin and Midori’s plan succeeded, the two kidnapping both Gin and Hinako (she was there too with Gin. Asuga was also there but she was knocked tf out so yeah).

After kidnapping Gin, Midori had blended him as well, finally creating their “perfect little family”.

...All was going “well” until Gin decided to fight Midori to protect Hinako. That soon resulted in Gin getting stabbed by Midori, and Midori’s head getting bashed onto the ground. Due to the blunt force trauma, Midori developed something similar to a conscience, now realizing what wrong he’s done and a will to assist Shin after seeing him panic over a bleeding out Gin.

They eventually arrive to a hospital, Gin getting the treatment he deserves, Shin getting observed by Leidora and figuring out what Midori has done to Shin’s brain, Sara getting blended as well, but only to erase her memories, and Midori leaving after Shin confronted the man about what Leidora has told him. Midori finally leaves Shin’s life…

...Or does he?

#up the tower

(TW: suicide attempt)

Days after entering the hospital, Shin constantly has headaches and conflicting feelings about everything he’s ever known. He thinks about what was fabricated, and what’s real. At times, he even has trouble differentiating the two. Shin’s blending had made him basically addicted to Midori like a drug. With the lack of Midori around because of Leidora’s advice, Shin goes into a withdrawal over the man, and soon develops hallucinations over him. The hallucination is tame, but starts leading Shin out of the room, making him follow him all the way up to the roof, ignoring those who stand in his way.

In reality, the hallucination had only left the room, disappearing right after. It was Shin himself who had decided to make his way to the roof. Before he had left the room, Shin was on a call with Midori… Midori found out about the hallucinations and took that as Shin missing him dearly, his “error” fixing temporarily and the man driving over to come collect Shin. When Shin mentioned over the phone about walking “up the tower” to wait for Midori, then jumping off to land in his arms in a false fantasy, Midori’s error picked up again and panicked, now rushing to the hospital.

Once reaching the top, followed by Sara and Leidora, Shin stood over the edge, remaining there as the others spoke to him, trying to convince him not to jump. Shin revealed he's been having so many problems with himself: He's weak, he's awful, he's a horrible parent, he could've prevented all of this, and various other bad thoughts about himself, and then the constant pain he's felt since the blending, which has only gotten worse overtime, was the breaking point for him, he just couldn't handle it anymore. The pain was unbearable.

It had only calmed down once Gin made his way to the roof, bleeding due to opening his injuries up again while walking up to the roof after anons told him about the situation. The moment Shin took notice of Gin and heard his voice, he realized why he's still here. It would make him even more of an awful person to jump and leave him alone once again. Soon enough, Shin staggered off the edge of the roof and embraced Gin.

This arc ended with Shin, Gin, Sara, and Leidora going back into the hospital. Midori had been watching this entire time, the sight of Shin's suicide attempt making him leave once more, realizing it was his fault that the attempt even occurred.

#hospital arc

Several months had gone by since Gin, Sara, and Shin had entered the hospital. Gin's being cared for his injury while it scars up, Sara is there due to her blending, and Shin is mainly there on a close watch due to his suicide attempt, while also there healing from his blending.

Shin relapses, and escapes the hospital to go see Midori again, breaking his room's window and hopping out and landing on mattresses that an anon laid out during "#up the tower". The whole hospital is in a panic at his disappearance, especially since Shin was in the mental ward.

Shin goes to Midori's place, and all seems normal until Midori figures out Shin broke out to see him again. Midori wants to take him back, but Shin asks for Dunkin Donuts first, something to eat since the man hasn't been eating right since the hospital. They get their food, and thanks to an employee commenting about the two being "lovers", Midori quickly pays and drives away as fast as he could, ending up in the woods. The two lay down on the ground for a while and have a few talks. Only when some anons give Shin steps on how to run away, Midori brings Shin back into the car and starts driving back to the hospital.

...They don't get that far, as some teasing occurs and Midori's "error" fixes itself for a brief moment, and harasses Shin. Shin eventually kicks the man in the nuts which led to Midori threatening not to take Shin back. Shin, of course, freaks out.

Eventually the error returns, and only with a few words of encouragement from Shin does Midori start driving Shin back. Once they arrive, Midori gives Shin a piggyback ride since the man's body is in immense pain. Once they get close enough to the hospital, Shin gives Midori a goodbye hug and a thank you for being relatively good, and finally returns to the hospital.

Shin had reached the hospital, but his legs had quickly given out, causing him to fall face first onto the ground. A security guard, Zinnia, was the first to find him and carry him back into the hospital, where they were met with an upset Leidora, demanding that Shin speak about his whole breakout. Shin... couldn't speak, he was too tired and absolutely exhausted. After Zinnia managed to temporarily make the doctor leave, she brought him back to his new room (no windows this time) and let him rest.

Soon, Gin had peeked into the room, both him and Shin glad to see each other again. They had a comforting moment before Shin decided to talk to Gin about what happened during their game. Gin, still thinking he's the only survivor, asked Shin about his own game. Eventually, Shin revealed to the boy that he was not the only survivor after all. When Shin showed Gin his gunshot scars, Gin finally realized his dad was his own Shin all this time, and soon ran out of the room in a panic, in despair over the fact that he had "killed" Shin's Kanna, whom was a little sister to Shin, because of his sacrifice win, even though Shin nearly died in order to protect her. Shin's act to protect Kanna was futile.

Zinnia to the rescue! She caught the young boy in her arms, as well as Shin, who had been chasing after Gin. She brought the two back into Shin's room and told them to talk it out like normal people. And so.. they did. It ended well, and now the two are sleeping so soundly together in each others embrace like father and son. Zinnia sits with the two, watching over them to protect them. Snzz.

#event: shin ai

//ONGOING EVENT//

After returning Shin back to the hospital, Midori had a mini breakdown over the situation. In order to attempt to cope, he went back home and brought out something he found in his closet before… a monitor. After hours and hours of trying to fix it back up, it finally worked, and what appeared on the screen was an AI. An AI of Shin, in fact. At first it was incredibly awkward and highly uncomfortable for the AI, since all Midori did was stare at him. But after asking question after question, Midori finally spoke to the AI.

The two conversed and became friends! More "interaction points" were programmed into the AI, per AI's request, and all was chill until an anon started trying to tell the AI what Midori has done in the past. Shin AI knew the man had did bad things, he's lived through so much of that before he had shut down for a long time. But… Midori caught on and finally told the AI what he's done. The AI was mortified at the blending and kidnapping and the like, but had grown some sympathy towards the man. After all, the AI knew about Midori's "error", and how he wanted to change, but he wasn't sure if he deserved to.

The AI kept on reassuring Midori, supporting him the best he can from now on. To pull him away from being Sou Hiyori and allow more room for change, the AI even gave him a new name… Spark.

Spark intended for his gay thoughts to lessen after turning the AI back on but y'know. That only caused him more gay thoughts.

Not too long after… the AI received an email, glimpses of Sou Hiyori flashing every so often on the email, as well as text telling the AI that He'll see him soon. The AI is panicking… but what more could he do about it?

//To be updated soon//

APPEARANCES

Start of the blog

After "#event: blended"

Festival event :) (#event: festival)

"#hospital arc"

(I do not have a sprite made just yet, however, he's wearing an oversized hospital gown with small shorts underneath, as well as the scarf he always wears. There are some eyebags under his eyes, and his eyes themselves still has remnants of the swirls, caused by the blending)

"#event: shin ai"

(Disclaimer: All art/edits shown in this post belong to me)

[alethiometry]

thinkin about an alternate take on odyssey’s cult of kosmos storyline that may culminate in a blatant ripoff of valhalla but bear with me here lmao

instead of deimos continually antagonizing you the entire game as you try desperately to convince them that the cult is simply using them, deimos is actively trying to recruit you to fight alongside them. you are both demigods descended from sparta’s greatest hero, two sides of the same coin, etc. etc. as you go around killing cultists you get those cutscenes where each cultist gets to have one final say (just like all the other ac games) and while many joined and profited from the war for selfish reasons, there are enough of those who had lofty ideals that maybe you start to see that the two warring nations are both truly broken beyond repair. people are suffering because of the war, and for every callous profiteer that joined the cult to make a quick buck there’s also someone who joined just to survive, or because if you can’t beat em, join em -- at the least, they could then maybe stand a chance at protecting the people they love, even if it means others will have to pay that price. that’s just the way the world works, right?

and so after the battle of amphipolis and after killing the rest of the cult, you return to the cave of gaia in delphi and find not only deimos but also the ghost of kosmos down there, in front of the pyramid. deimos is still nursing his wounds from where kleon shot him, and the ghost finally unveils herself. both get their villain-y monologues about how it’s all for the greater good, everyone who died along the way was sacrificing themselves for a better world and the world will remember what they did -- but that will only happen if you join them. if you’re there to make sure they mattered. and the pyramid with its weird little artifacts still draws you in like it did that first night you infiltrated their meeting, and you and deimos and the ghost all touch it and you all get teleported via videogame magic or isu technology or whatever the fuck who cares it’s just a stupid scifi game let me live to...

atlantis?

it’s the exact same look and feel as the dlc: humans and gods living in (apparent) harmony, people are happy, families are together, there’s laughter and music and plenty of food and leisure. the buildings are gorgeous, there’s like fountains and gardens and aquariums and other cool shit, and if not for the weird isu tech all over the place you’d almost think it was elysium. but it’s not elysium, because you’re not dead. deimos isn’t dead. and you’ve never felt more at peace. the ghost tells you that this is all perfectly achievable, if only you join them in helping construct this world from the ashes of the old. deimos tells you that they’ve seen this in their dreams; the world was truly like this once, and it could be again.

there’s no war to be fought here; no pain or suffering or loss. deimos sheathes their sword and tells you that they cannot just go back to being family in the real world, not after everything that has happened and all the suffering you both have experienced -- out in the real world, you were both doomed to be nothing more than shattered bones and streaks of gore at the foot of sparta’s sacred mountain. you don’t matter out there, and you never did, and they know you are tired of trying to prove that you do, because they’re tired too. but in here, in this world, you could be together. you could be the siblings you never got the chance to be. this is what they were fighting for all along. they gave their name, and their life, and their innocence and their pain -- all to achieve this. and with your help they can finally stop calling themself deimos and reclaim their old name. or the two of you could find new names. you could be gods. you could slaughter the old gods, the ones whose prophecies doomed you both to die at the foot of mount taygetos (deimos still doesn’t know the cult orchestrated that lmao listen the brainwashing runs deep). you could be anyone you want here.

all of this feels so real. you feel like you could stay here forever.

deimos extends their hand. you reach out to take it. to join them.

and something tumbles out of your pouch.

it’s a little wooden eagle, a child’s toy, battered and all scratched up with most of its defining features worn away. you know it well. you know every contour of it because a little girl gave it to you when you left the island where you and she once lived, to go make a name for yourself in a war that never seemed to end, until suddenly it did. you know this toy eagle because you folded that little girl’s cold, dead, still-bloody fingers around it one terrible night in athens. you were told, later, that the eagle burned with her on the pyre your friends constructed for her. and so the only reason this eagle is here now, the only reason you can run your hands along its outstretched wings and trace the whorls of the woodgrain with your fingertips and feel the slight weight of it in your palm is because none of this is real.

what is real is this: the cult existed, and phoibe died. leonidas died. perikles died. brasidas died. and you cannot live in a world where the very act of dying for the world they didn’t know they were helping to shape is the one thing that becomes the defining feature of their legacies. where their lives become nothing more than some kind of grotesque buttressing to prop up the very people who got them all killed.

there’s some kind of bossfight against deimos, who, despite their appeals to you to join them as a battlefield companion and true siblings after too many years lost between you, still doesn’t hesitate to turn against you as they always have the moment things do not go their way. because that’s the way it is between the two of you: they push, and you push back.

and the more you fight, the more atlantis crumbles. the others don’t seem to notice; they simply sit there and laugh and sip wine and dance and sing as stone after stone falls from the vast turrets and crushes first their companions, then them, into blood and bone and gristle. there’s a gate up on the highest tower of the city, and you know instinctively that without it you’ll be stuck here in this strange dream-limbo, fighting your sibling for eternity as both worlds, dream and real, carry on with or without you. and as you make your way to it (maybe there’s some sweet parkour opportunities here with like falling debris and such) deimos gives chase and as you draw closer to the gate you start to see that it’s not empty at all, but full of people crowing in to take a peek at all the commotion.

there’s sokrates and hippokrates and aristophanes. alkibiades looking uncharacteristically worried, and [insert any npc lieutentants you’ve recruited like roxana or odessa]. xenia is there, and so is anthousa. kyra and/or thaletas, too (depending on the outcome of the mykonos questline). and a gang of plucky little kids, all cheering you on: khloe, the girl with the clay friends; arsenios, the tour-guide-turned-con-artist; ardos and his caretaker. (and i guess nikolaos and stentor if they’re still alive lmao) (maybe pythagoras is allowed too but he’s on thin fucking ice)

and, of course, myrrine. standing at the forefront, shoulder to shoulder with barnabas and herodotos. all three of them -- alongside everyone else you’ve ever allied with, fought beside, or helped out -- everyone who loves you, everyone you’ve ever loved -- they’re beckoning you home. back to the real world, where they matter. where you matter.

where you have always mattered.

you’re so close to taking your mother’s hand, you can feel the warmth of her fingertips -- and then you hear a scream below you.

it’s deimos, and they’re falling. maybe they tripped in their haste to catch you. maybe some of the falling rubble knocked them off-balance. it doesn’t matter. the only thing that matters is that your sibling is falling to their doom. again. and there’s nothing you can do about it.

except this time there definitely is.

so you leap from the ledge with all the strength you have, the roaring in your ears drowning out myrrine’s shouts. you’ve fallen from greater heights, after all, and lived to tell the tale. this is nothing. and this time you’ll catch your sibling, because this is your dream, too. and in your dream, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

you catch deimos, the both of you still falling, the ground rushing up to meet you -- and you both wake in the cave of gaia with a jolt. each of you still have a hand on the pyramid, and you make eye contact. they give you the slightest of nods, as if to say i’m okay. i’m awake.

the ghost is still asleep, head bowed, eyes flitting to and fro behind closed eyelids, both hands still on the pyramid.

you destroy the pyramid with your grandfather’s spear. this wakes the ghost. she’s furious, and tells you that you’ve made a terrible mistake. the cult of kosmos may be extinguished, but the ideals she worked toward are not. (basically this kind of mirrors the whole spiel about the philosopher-king or whatever tf the ghost said at the end of the actual in-game storyline that foreshadowed the order of ancients and eventually the templars)

deimos looks to you and mutters that it’s your choice what to do next. the ghost tries to appeal to them but they’ve run out of fucks to give. they leave.

[kill the ghost] what it says on the label. you get a nice little ac-esque assassination cutscene and it’s actually got some emotional weight to the decision/scene, unlike the game.

[walk away] leave the ghost in the cave. the pyramid is gone, the cult is dead, your sibling is free. the ghost will live the rest of her life looking over her shoulder, knowing that the grandchildren of leonidas have seen her for what she is. knowing that whatever she does next, they’ll be watching closely.

when you leave the cave, you see deimos, pacing as they overlook the view of phokis from mount parnassos. it’s high noon and the sun glints brilliantly off their gilded armor. they glance at the temple of apollo and remark how strange it is to be standing here together, so close to the place where both your fates were sealed with just a few words from a puppet pythia a lifetime ago.

you ask what they’re going to do, now that the cult is gone.

the peace of nicias isn’t going to hold, they tell you. the war will start again soon enough, and when that happens both athens and sparta will be looking for champions to fight for their side.

dialogue choices:

[i’ll see you on the battlefield] you and your sibling part ways. subsequent conquest battles have a chance of spawning a bossfight against deimos who is fighting for the other side -- neither of you can perma-kill the other so you can encounter/fight them over and over again. at the end of the conquest battle, no matter who wins, you can see them walking up and down the battlefield and you can have some silly little sibling banter, which changes depending on who wins/loses the battle

[join me, fight with me] deimos joins your crew just like in the game. unlike the game, you can interact with them at any time while they’re walking up and down your ship and have sibling banter because i just want some decent fucking sibling banter in this game

no matter which option you pick, the first time you return to sparta after finishing this storyline you’ll have the option of entering your old family home and triggering the family dinner cutscene with all the surviving members of your family because goddammit even after all this wishful revisionism i still love that silly little family dinner

anyway in conclusion this is what i want out of odyssey, thanks for coming to my TED talk, don’t forget to smash that like&subscribe the way the eagle bearer definitely smashed brasidas’ fine spartan ass offscreen bc ubisoft were too smoothbrained to give us the romance we deserved

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Time’s Up

Word Count: 1,852

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Reader

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader; Sam Winchester x Sister!Reader

Warnings: angst, death

A/N: I’m genuinely curious how tf I have this many followers with terrible writing like wtf- 

Masterlist

Keep your head up, (Y/N) John’s voice repeated in your head, as you gripped your gun tightly.

7 against 2, we can do this, right? you were already bloodied and beaten, the only thing you could feel was a coldness, as your blood dripped from your wound, falling to the ground.

I can do this, I can do this you pushed yourself up, trying to catch your breath. Your head was pounding. Louder than drums. Searing pain took over your body, causing you to stumble. John. Where was John? Where was your dad?

I can’t do this, you whimpered softly, feeling your body weaken. It was too late. You couldn't keep fighting, not anymore.

---

*15 years later*

You sat up in your bed, letting out a loud cough.

“H-Hello…” you tried calling out, as your throat begged for you to stop.

You spotted a cup of water next to you, reaching it as you took a large sip.

You cleared your throat, trying again to say something.

“H-Hello?” you called. Your throat still ached, but it was slightly easier.

“Oh my god!” you jumped slightly, hearing someone scream as they walked into your room.

“Y-You’re awake.”

---

“No, Sam, I said no. It’s too damn risky,” Dean shouted, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel.

“But it’ll help you,” Sam kept his voice calm, trying to keep positive.

“I’m fine. Fan-freaking-tastic,” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Dean, look, this mark… it doesn't seem bad yet, but it’s affecting you. It’s only a matter of time till things escalate,” Sam argued.

“If things escalate, then you and Cas take care of it, okay?” 

“Take care of it? How? Tie you down in the bunker? Again?” Sam could feel anger rising as he took a deep breath.

“If that’s what needs to happen, then yes,” Dean replied.

“And what if it’s too late?! It’s only a matter of time before me and Cas can’t do anything! We’re trying to help you, Dean!” Sam begged his older brother.

“No!” Dean’s voice boomed over Sam, as Sam went quiet, muttering softly to himself, looking out the window.

All of a sudden the dark passing trees and headlights of passing cars became interesting to him.

Both brothers jumped, hearing a phone ring.

“Not me,” Dean said.

“Not me either,” Sam sighed.

“Dad,” Dean took his eyes off the road, reaching into the compartment as he held John’s old phone.

Municipal Court Hospital 

Dean frowned, picking up the phone.

“Hello?” Dean answered.

“Is this Mr.Duvall?” a lady asked.

“Who is this?” Dean asked.

“I’m Nurse Lissie. I’ve been taking care of your daughter for the past 15 years. Sir, she’s awake.”

---

“Dad said… Dad said she was dead,” Sam stuttered, the two of them parked in front of the hospital.

“Well, clearly he lied,” Dean replied, a bit annoyed by Sam.

“It’s been… we haven't seen her in so long,” Sam sighed, exiting the car.

Part of him was excited to see you again, but the other part was scared and dreaded the moment. It had been long, too long.

Dean asked behind Sam, keeping a distance. He missed you, a lot. But maybe seeing him like this would ruin you. Always having to hold in his anger, the temptation of killing everyone and anyone around him. The mark burned his arm, screaming out for a taste of blood. But he ignored it, over and over again. He wanted help, he needed help, but he wouldn’t let Sam and Cas so something stupid for him.

“Uhm, we’re here to see (Y/N)... Duvall,” Sam said.

“Ah, yes, the coma patient. We all thought she was gone years ago. It’s a miracle she pulled through,” the nurse said, leading them to you.

Sam drifted off from the conversation, his heartbeat echoing in his ears as he approached your room.

“Miss Duvall, you’ve got some visitors,” the nurse said, opening your door.

Sam and Dean walked in, both taking a sharp breath, while you looked at them, slightly comfortable.

You grabbed your pocket knife from your jacket, holding it as the nurse left.

“Who the hell are you?!” you exclaimed, grabbing the blade.

“(Y/N)... I’m Sam…. this is Dean,” Sam said softly, trying to keep his tears at bay.

“Dean? Sam?” you gasped softly, continuing to hold your blade up.

Sam got taller, clearly. You found it hard to believe after all this time, that you would ever see them again. Your big sister instincts kicked in, immediately noticing something was off between them.

“God,” Sam gasped, running to you as he wrapped his arms around your tightly.

You jumped, a bit surprised.

“It’s okay, Sammy. I’m here,” you cooed softly, rubbing his head as he gripped you tightly.

Dean watched the two of you, continuing standing in the corner as he gave you a blank look. That was what’s off. Dean was off. He stood there, staring at the two of you as if he was numb. As if he was empty.

“Good to see you,” Dean said, his voice low.

“Get in here,” you motioned to him.

---

“So much has… changed,” you raised an eyebrow, hiding nervousness as you walked into the bunker, looking around.

It was a truly beautiful sight, a beautiful smell. It was wonderful. But, that you didn't feel safe, you weren't okay. Everything was different, everything changed, and everyone was gone. Sam and Dean have still yet to tell you what was going on with them, 

“Here, keep this with you. It’s your phone,” Sam handed you the small, cellular device. 

“I… what?” you took it from him, a bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah, you can call Dean and me from this, text us, take pictures, and do more stuff,” Sam explained.

The device started ringing, as you dropped it, tensing up.

“Don't worry, you’re just getting a call. It’s… Dean?” Sam picked up your phone, answering Dean’s call.

Goddamn, so much has changed you groaned mentally, continuing to walk around the bunker.

Last you remembered you were a 21-year-old hunter. Now, you’re a 36-year-old woman, who was supposedly dead for the past 15 years.

Something about all this was definitely weird. You get weird. Everything was different, you were different. Thoughts came racing to your head. Maybe you should’ve died on that hunt. 

“(Y/N)?” Sam asked, taking your attention away from your thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry,” you shook your head.

“No worries. Let me show you your room,” Sam smiled, leading you through the bunker.

He showed you to your room, showing his across from you, and Dean’s down the hall.

“Well, it’s late. I think you should go to rest. I’ll be in my room if you need anything,” Sam said softly, going to his room.

You took a deep breath, going to your room.

---

You laid awake in your bed, being alone with your thoughts. It’s been a day that you’ve been back. Nothing’s changed. Everything still felt weird, Sam and Dean were still acting off.

You sat up in your bed, hearing some noises from Dean’s room.

“Dean?” you said softly, knocking at his door before entering.

“What do you need?” he asked.

“What’s going on?” you asked, standing in front of him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he shrugged.

“Hell no. I don’t care how long I’ve been gone, I’m still your big sister, and nothing’s gonna change that. You and Sam have been hiding something since the second I got back. Tell me what’s going on,” you held his hand, standing in front of him while he sat on the edge of his bed.

He looked down, playing with his fingers nervously.

“Dean.”

“Fine,” he pulled up his right sleeve, revealing an oddly shaped mark on his arm.

“What the hell is that?” you gasped, grabbing his arm.

“It’s called the Mark of Cain. Laptops and cellphones aren’t the only things you missed…”

--- 

You finished packing your bag, getting ready for the hunt. After last week, Dean was ignoring you. Sam was on some solo hunt somewhere, leaving you and Dean alone to handle the werewolf. The tension was strong as you sat in the driver’s seat of the Impala.

“The hell are you doing?! I’m driving!” Dean yelled.

“Sit in the car and shut up,” you rolled your eyes.

He muttered softly to himself, sitting in the passenger’s seat.

You exhaled, starting the Impala before reversing out of the garage, driving off.

---

Shit!  your eyes went wide as you moaned, the gunshot piercing your stomach.

You shakily pointed your gun at the werewolf, shooting it before you fell onto the wall next to you. You pushed yourself up, wincing.

“Shit! Stupid son of a bitch!” Dean ran to you, dropping his gun as he held you.

“I shoulda had your bad. Crap! Okay, don’t worry, you’ll be okay,” Dean began ripping off a part of his shirt, as you laid on the ground.

“I-I’ll be fine. Go help them,” you motioned to the two victims, just barely clinging onto life.

“No, you’ll bleed out. Shit!” Dean wrapped the fabric around your wound frantically as you winced.

“Dean, listen to me and help them,” you replied softly.

“N-No… I’m helping you, I have to save you,” tears welled up in his eyes.

“Dean…” you started.

No! L-Look… ever since you came back I’ve bee ignoring you. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I missed you so much, and now that you’re here, and okay…” he paused, taking a breath.

“Dean, I missed you guys too. But listen to me. I’ll be okay. I-I’m dying… and that’s okay,” you started.

“Are you freaking crazy?! Of course, it’s not!” he yelled.

“Dean, I don’t fit in here, like this. I shoulda died on that hunt, my time’s up. It’s been up for a while,” your eyes watered as you gave him a soft smile.

“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that” he yelled.

“It’s true. De, please be a good brother and listen to me. Leave me to die, go help them,” you whispered softly.

“I want you here. Please. I need you here,” he begged you.

“You did fine for the past 15 years. You don’t need me,” you laughed softly, before groaning.

“Please, (Y/N),” he sniffled.

“I love you, kid,” you said, strained as your tears slid down your face. You gave Dean a small smile, stroking his cheek softly. 

You could feel the life draining out of your body. You could feel your life-ending. Your time was up, even though it should’ve been up years ago.

“I love you too, (Y/N). You’re the best damn person I could ask for,” Dean held onto you tightly, holding you as the blood dripped, soaking not only you but him as well. 

Your hand fell from his face, your body going limp. You let out your last breath, as tears streamed down Dean’s face.

“(Y/N),” he called your name softly.

“(Y/N), “ he repeated shakily, looking at his shaking figure. You were gone. For good. There was no getting you back this time.

“(Y/N).”  

[soft-sunflower]

Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 8

Alright, so we start off back in the unparents' house and we're now in Fall of 2005, so it's been a bit since Hyunsoo was hit by the car. And it would seem that he completely realizes he's a prisoner in that house, regardless of if he's comfortable or not. And it would seem it was the unfather's idea to change his name. Here's the thing, why are they wanting Hyunsoo to pretend to be their kid...? That shit is confusing AF to me. They're gonna turn him over to the police if he doesn't cooperate? What's in it for them? And their son is the one in a coma, so what did the unmother do? Bash him over the head or something? It's clear she's got some serious mental issues of her own. I wonder exactly what she did to that boy to put him in a coma for that long?? Hmmm...

I'm really starting to get worried for Hyunsoo and Jiwon now... like, REALLY worried... She's tracking his every movement, which I just don't know how I feel about that. I mean I get it. She's a detective, there's a possibility her husband might be a murderer or an accomplice to murder. When he gets back into bed and JW calls him out for being a liar, I got stressed... I wasn't sure if she was gonna confront him right there in their house or not, but ughhh. She's beginning to push him away, to keep her distance. HS is noticing something isn't right with their happy marriage, to the fact that he could tell she was angry/upset. Then she tells him point black she is not angry. Bullshit, woman. It just feels unsettling to me... how much they are both lying to each other now. And he doesn't like the fact that his wife won't face him. Her facing him gives him comfort, is what I got out of this. He's trying so hard here to pretend that his life has not been shaken, but it has... it's slowly crumbling now and the crumbling and beginning to move a little faster. Closer and closer to a full on landslide that his life is about to become.

Okay, so... the next part I want to talk about is where Hyunsoo is reunited with his Noona, Haesu after 18 years of not seeing each other really tugged at the heartstrings. Moojin actually makes it so they can meet, so I can't really fault him on this one. You could tell he was really surprised by Noona hugging him and crying as hard as what she was. Like why? Would you want to hold onto me? Why would you cry over me? Why would you feel anything in regards to me? He tell her straight up his reason for coming to her is selfish, but that he genuinely needs her help. I actually got very choked up during this scene. Jang Heejin sold it. She's amazing. Her desperation, her happiness and sadness and overwhelming amounts of guilt over the fact that her brother gave up his own life just to make sure that his sister lived safely and well. These poor siblings... they've gone through so many terrible things. It's so sad to see the pain they're in.

The scene of the flashback of who murdered the village foreman was WOW. I recall episode 1 making it look like Hyunsoo actually performed the murder but he didn't. Instead, he wipes and smears blood all over himself and tells Noona to give him the weapon. There was no way he was going to let his sister's life be ruined. He wanted his sister to live an ordinary life, and HE takes the blame. HE takes the fall. HE utterly SACRIFICES his own life so his Noona can live hers. And Noona can't move on with her life. Even after 18 years. She can't live normally. She suffers from the guilt over the fact that she killed someone but even moreso that her brother took the fall for her to protect her. And I KNEW as soon as she admitted to killing him, that the village foreman did SOMETHING to her. I'm not surprised at all that he attacked her either, considering that it's now confirmed he's performed more than just one exorcism on Hyunsoo. What a messed up man...

Also, their hug. I mean wow. Noona screaming and crying at him "How could you ask if I've been well!?" My heart clenched up for her. This poor woman. Even though it was Hyunsoo's decision, she is STILL living with all of that remorse. I loved watching Hyunsoo wrap his arms around her and hold her. I'm so happy that he has his Noona back. I really am. I feel like she is going to be a positive catalyst for many things for Hyunsoo in the future, provided the poor thing gets out of all this alive... I'm worried about her and for her, honestly. 

The ungrandma seems to be slowly warming up more and more to Eunha, doesn't she? Making her food and feeding it to her because the little one doesn't know how to hold her chopsticks properly? I thought that was honestly very sweet. There's a lot of underlying things here about this woman. She seems to have suffered her own trauma, and I wonder what it is she's done and been through as a result? The creepy ungrandpa gives off some really scary vibes... abusive and murderous almost. The way he slaps his wife across the face when all she wants is some happiness in her home again... The way Eunha was sitting there eating and it made her emotional and she loses it on her over that? This poor woman just wants some normalcy. I'm starting to feel a bit for her.

The scene where HS is proudly showing Noona has family in his phone is the sweetest thing. Even Noona declares that he has changed a lot from how he was when they were kids. What really warmed my heart was how he talked about how Eunha and Jiwon have the same face and how she's just like her mother. I love how he explained that he made sure his daughter was being raised properly, that she didn't lack the ability to feel like he does, that he made sure of this as he raised her. Hyunsoo is truly an amazing father. But what also breaks my heart is how he looks at himself... as this unfeeling creature that he did not want his daughter to be like. That was a hard pill to swallow. Maybe he doesn't realize, but that screams a rather heavy dislike, maybe even hatred, of himself.  However, his soft smiles as he shares his family with Noona does not seem forced or fake. I don't think he realizes how much he truly does love his little family.

Okay, Jiwon has been there almost the whole time listening??? Did she hear the warm things he said about her and Eunha before Haesu asks if he loves her? I wonder... but I will say this, he may not understand or know what the feeling of love feels like but he most definitely loves Cha Jiwon, and I think that Noona will help him discover and learn this. He needs her, he wants her, he doesn't want things to change, he's desperate for them to stay the same. Maybe he truly believes that he does not love her because that's how he's been made to believe and feel his entire life, his brain warped and twisted in ungodly ways to believe that he's a monstrous person without any ability to feel those emotions. That nobody loves him, and that he is not capable of love so therefore he does not understand what the emotion of love feels like. He can't recognize it because as of right now, it simply does not compute for him because this is what severe causes of trauma does to a person.

You can see the moment where JW's heart breaks and my heart ached for her... There has got to be a way that JW can understand what's happened to him, and what he's been put through and that he CAN be helped and he CAN be treated for it. He CAN be fixed because this isn't something he was born with. This is something that happened due to trauma. I will say though through all of that conversation JW listened in on, she did find out that her husband is NOT a murderer NOR was an accomplice to any of the serial killings. And when she's videochatting with her baby girl and her mother, it was so realistically done. The drawing Eunha made for her parents of their happy little home probably destroyed her heart just a little more to see it knowing the truth that she knows now. Their "I love you so much" exchange was the sweetest thing. At the end of the day, she's still a mommy and she still as a daughter to care for and love in their home, no matter how much her heart may be shredded, life goes on.

And that leads her to destroying the bag, burning every single thing in it, including the tape recorder. Why did she do that? Because she still loves him, because she knows he's not a killer nor an accomplice, anything that rumors painted him to be. There is no reason to catch him and bring him in, but her heart is breaking over it all because of how much she loves her husband, and now she's at a loss. She doesn't know what to do. So she burns the "evidence." She agrees to let him live as Baek Heeseong.

The scene with HS and JW sitting outside their home having a beer together BROKE MY HEART. SHATTERED IT. I'm sorry, he may not recognize it, but with everything he just said about her and so tenderly does not play out like an act to me. They way he looks at her and speaks to her... It tell me he loves her, even if he can't understand it, by calling her innocent, pure, quick to laugh, short tempered, quick to sulk, but also quick to forgive... the forgive line HURTS because what if she's not quick to forgive this time...? Because she says she's easily fooled and is gullible, and of course all HS does is laugh and say he disagrees.

They talk about their home, the anniversary of their moving in,  their housewarming party, how fun it was and how she was so truly happy that day... and my heart just hurts even more. And now she's saying for him to keep living his life for their daughter's sake, but that her final gift to him as they will part ways...!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I ACTUALLY SCREAMED NO AT THIS BECAUSE EVEN IF HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT, HE NEEDS HER SO MUCH. HOW TF IS THAT A GIFT, JIWON!? IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE DOES LOVE YOU. HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE EMOTION BUT HE DOES. GOD HE DOES. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

The "Do you love me?" and the hand kissing scene... ugh god. My heart is just in serious pain at this point for these two. I'm hurting so much because of this. He can't answer her question, because he truly does not understand the feeling of love, but look at how he is with her? He's so tender with her, he's so affectionate, he's gentle, treating her like she's a package made of glass. Everything physical that he does with her, the way he looks at her, shows that yes he does in fact love her. Though JW is heartbroken and just believes that he's lying, but he has shown time and time through all of these tender caresses and gestures, that he most definitely does love her. (Side note, she took her wedding ring off... at work... *sobs*)

Next scene I want to talk about is something that I theorized on and I was CORRECT. I CALLED THIS. Remember the puppy? I theorized in episodes 6 and 7 that Hyunsoo's father made him do horrible things to animals, such as drowning a puppy. Now here we are with him and the bunny and I am SICKENED because I was RIGHT and did not WANT to be right but I was... At first you think he's giving his son a pet, but nope. He's giving his son an animal... to kill. I want to point out something. Look at how the father holds the defenseless bunny? He holds it by the scruff. Look at how Hyunsoo takes the bunny. He cradles it in his arms. If he wanted to harm that animal, he would've taken it by the scruff too. That child was FORCED to harm animals because of his psychotic father, and he was probably threatened into doing it or he'd be punished.

"Do you what you want with it. You can use your hands or tools. I'll just... sit and watch." He was trying to MOLD and GROOM this poor innocent child into being just like him... into being a murderous, monstrous demon of a man. And it explains even MORE as to WHY Hyunsoo has so many mental health issues. Because of his father. His sick, twisted-minded father. It's so disgusting the way he's warped and abused this poor child... and now it makes me wonder just WHAT his father did to him in that basement if he was forcing him to kill small animals and he was just watching... ugh. I can't even imagine what this baby went through. I can't. I don't WANT to. BUT I CALLED IT! I CALLED IT THAT HIS FATHER MADE HIM DO SCREWED UP SHIT LIKE THIS!!! And the way Do Minseok looks at Hyunsoo just utterly sickens me...

Okay... so... I have a theory about the unfather, but I could be way off the mark. Yes, it would appear he knows and has kept in touch with the accomplice at some point. That's an old phone he has, BUT... is there a snowball's chance in hell that HE could be the accomplice? Think about this... he's cold, he's scary, he controls Hyunsoo with fear, and was FURIOUS when Hyunsoo didn't kill the taxi driver. He had everything set up and ready for him to go, he provided everything Hyunsoo needed to commit the murder. Had Hyunsoo committed that murder? He would've been the accomplice to the murder of the taxi driver, soooo... he's connected to all of this in SOME way and has far too much interested in Hyunsoo to the point that he imprisoned him in his home and threatened to have him turned in if he didn't pretend to be their son...? Hmmm...

Moojin, you're funny sometimes but you're a real piece of work and I don't mean that nicely either. The fact that you would even have the NERVE to say anything to Hyunsoo about revealing his true self to his wife after the way you treated Noona speaks volumes about you. Hyunsoo not capable of feeling my ass. He is. And he's had enough of Moojin, to the point that he was ready to leave, ready to storm right out calling the man useless. I do love that Hyunsoo respects Noona enough to listen to her when she tells him to sit down. I like that Noona was able to get him to sit and listen to her. I like that she's slowly starting to help release some of the emotional repression in him by encouraging him to say what he feels most desperately at this very moment. I truly and strongly believe that she knows this is proof of him not being capable of processing emotion properly is due to his trauma.

Severe trauma, like your own father making you kill animals for fun while he watches so he can try and mold you into what he is, for example, can and most definitely WILL have this sort of effect on a person from a young age. I'm wagering a guess that Hyunsoo was never shown and taught these proper emotions, and when Noona pushes him he seems almost, dare I say, panicked as if he's trying to convince her he doesn't know? Is this a defense mechanism? Hmmm... Also, the fact that he did not become this way til their mother disappeared...? I'm still dying to know what happened there. I hope we find out next week, but I digress.

I love how Noona calls him out telling him he has changed, that he never wanted anything before but now he does. And she knows it and he does too, and so he says it, and his expressions hurt me. He can't even look at anyone as he expresses what he's feeling, what he wants. It's almost like he's ashamed to express what he's feeling. What he wants is just honestly so simplistic it's painful, because may not get what he wants...

He doesn't want to lose his life. His wife, his daughter, his job. He wants to keep living as Baek Heeseong. He wants to get up every morning and get his baby girl off to school, he wants to prepare meals for his family, he wants to kiss and be with his wife, he wants to keep working in as a metal craftsman, he wants his life to stay the same. He doesn't want his dark past being revealed to Jiwon. He just wants his normalcy. We just took our first step into HS finally speaking about how he feels! This is the first step in hopefully unlocking all of those repressed emotions he's kept locked up all these years.

Speaking of Jiwon, she is one slick chick. Sneaky sneaky, Jiwon showing up at Moonjin's apartment while he fakes illness. Very clever. Though I had to kinda chuckle a bit at their collective sigh of relief and Moojin's peace sign and HS's half-grin and eyeroll at him before she shows up at the door. The shocked look on Moojin's face and the smug grin on Jiwon's, omg... What a mess! Poor Hyunsoo though... when he hears his wife show up at Moojin's door and her pushiness on the case, the very idea of her finding out anything sends him into another panic attack, and he's clutching his heart as if it's in pain.

I feel like his inability to express emotion is beginning to manifest itself in a more physical way through these anxiety and panic attacks he's starting to have. Like the emotional repression is too much and has no other way out now beyond severe anxiety and panic.  Moojin's shitty comments about Jiwon not staying by his side if she knew his true self probably struck something in him. And now here she is, and she's closing in on everything. It's getting scary for Hyunsoo now. But then he appears at the door in front of his wife, looking calm, collected and chill. The looks like they exchange...

AND OH MY GOD THE REAL HEESEONG IS AWAKE. HIS MOTHER TRIED TO KILL HIM BY UNDOING HIS LIFE SUPPORT BUT HE WOKE UP!? How is Hyunsoo gonna be able to live as Baek Heeseong now!?  I don't have words, but UGH! HOW AM I GONNA WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE!!! Feel free to send me any asks you want about this drama because I'm completely invested and HOOKED.

[ydolanssss]

A hood love story: G.D

Warnings: violence, sexual innuendos, a lot of cursing.

Pairing: Grayson Dolan X female reader.

Summary: bottom line is... remember where tf you came from.

-------------------------------------------------

Friday night lights.....most basic ass idea for a football game.

Just a whole shit-ton of rich ass white kids, acting like they hard when in actuality they have no awareness of anything outside of thier little gated community.

They weren't aware of the situation Grayson was in.

They either villainize him and where he's from, Or they romanticize where he's from. Either way they never talk to him.

They talk to ethan though, because unlike his brother he decided to just forget who he was and where he came from...that including his brother.

But you didn't think like them, you didn't treat people differently because of where they come from, or where they live. So you became friends with gray, best friends, and y'all were together all the time.

"hey gray you tryna go to the game today? You asked leaning on the locker next to his.

"there's a game?"

"yea against the cougars, you wanna go?"

"....mmm" gray never really went to any school event because well...he was kind of a loner, you didn't blame him tho.

"pleeeeeaaaseee, gray can we?" You asked with pleading eyes, and a quivering pouty lip.

"...fine"

"YESSIRRR, let's goo" you shouted, and skipped to class.

You went through the next couple of classes pretty quickly, went home, did some homework and waited for Grayson to come over.

"when you coming over hoe"

"I'm already outside, come on"

You run outside lock the door, hop in the car and head back to the school. The game had already started, but no one had scored yet. You and gray sit on the bleachers, and eat some popcorn.

"who you think finna win?" Gray said shoving food in his mouth. "I don't know, but prolly not our school, they haven't won a game in like...ever."

"true true" gray nodding in agreement untill his phone starts ringing. "Ayo hold up I gotta take this."

"hmm oh okay, I'll stay here" reassuring him. He walks to the back of the bleachers, "yo, wassup?"

*Anonymous* "Ayo when I see you, you getting lit tf up".

"Whoa, what? Who is this?" Gray asked confused as too who was tryna kill him.

"you know who this is lil bruh, it's daymen, oscars brother. You stole some shit from him the other day, and gave it to ya lil rich ass friends."

"what? Rich ass friends? Ion got no rich ass friends."

"okay okay, so you gon lie to me now huh?, Alright look, bring my lil brother his money or you getting lit tf up, and I take ya lil bitch for myself. You know the fine one, wit the braids."

"Don't you fuckin touch her."

Meanwhile you on the bleachers

"bitch what the fuck are you talking about?" Looking at claire and her lil posse.

"you know what I'm talking about, how long you been fucking my boyfriend."

"claire....who's your boyfriend?" You ask genuinely curious, because you do not keep tabs on miss bam-ba-lam-my-cars-a-hundred-grand.

"Grayson is duh." Because apperently that was common knowledge.

"g-grayson, Grayson Dolan the brother of Ethan Dolan, correct, just to make sure, Grayson with a "a" and a "o" not a I or a E. That Grayson?" Ya know...just to be clear.

"yes that Grayson, god are you dense?!"

"Oh no ma'am very much I am not, because the only grayson i know, don't fuck with bitches like you. Oh hell no, cuz yall don't fuck with people like him. And out of the mother fucking blue, he's your man, sweet-pea, i-is that what you telling me?" Because miss ma'am got you fucked alllll the way up.

"oh really how are you gonna tell me who I'm dating, I had sex with and who stole weed for me?" You pause....

"bruh what? Ugh now I know you tripping because Grayson don't fucking smo-"

"Aye, come on! Games boring anyway." Grayson yells from the bottom of the bleachers.

"alrighty well, miss. Thing I don't know what to tell you. Gods speed finding your Grayson because mine don't smoke." You picked up your things and walked with gray back to the car.

"hey what was the call about?" You asked

"huh? Oh it's was just my mom asking how long we were gonna stay at the game, I told her for the next hour so we could go do something else." He said.

You notice he kept looking around a lot, like he's was paranoid, waiting for something to happen.

"gray you good? You keep looking around, what's wrong?" You out ur hand on his shoulder concerned.

"huh?! Ohh nothing nothing let's go, come on"

He drags you to the car, and open the door for you, and he gets in the driver's side and drives off.

"ok I guess, um whatcha wanna do, wanna go to the park, or that on abandoned house that has a perfect view of the sunset, or ice cream, or ice cream and sunset. You looked at him, lip pouting head turn to the side, waiting for answer.

"uhh...ice cream only I wanna get you home okay?" He sighs, hands gripping the wheel tight as hell.

"umm what no I don't wan-"

"No! I have to get you home. I just, I just do, okay? Please I'm sorry for yelling come here." As you two pull in to the ice cream parlor's parking lot.

You lean in and he kisses you on your forehead, " I just need to be safe okay, it's late I don't want you out at night okay?"

"what? What do you mean I'm with you?"

He walks to your side of the car to open the door, "I know but....you cant be around me now at night at least it's not safe." After you get out he walks to the counter and tells you the get a table, you stand puzzled for a bit but you go anyway.

when he gets back with two oreo milkshakes, you ask him, "gray wait why isn't it safe? Why can't I be around you? What going on?." You ask frantic, worried your friend is in some sort of trouble.

"just because you can't don't- who is that?"

He asks leaned down a little.

"who is who? You turn around, and see a car speeding towards you both." Gray grabs your arm and pulls you down.

"GET DOWN! GO RUN BACK TO THE CAR!"

You do, you get to the car get inside and lean down, then you hear gun shots fire.

*bow bow bow bow*

The car skids off and everything is quiet, you look up and you see Grayson laid out on the ground. "oh my god...".

You get out hesitantly walking towards his body, "g-gray...baby, please oh God please no, god don't tell me he's gone" tears streaming down your face, you can't bare to walk any closer, and you drop to your knees and sob.

"no..please not my best friend." As the smoke clears you say this, the sun is setting in the background, it's a somber feeling somehow you feel safe and sad at the same time, while in that same moment your best friend, very much could be breathing his last breaths.

Then, like the miracle baby he is, Grayson wakes up, with a hell of pain in his shoulder. "Wha-? Ohh fuck my shoulder, holy shit, wait where's? Hey, hey, pretty girl why you crying?" He asks litterally sitting up looking at you holding his shoulder.

You stop crying, eyes shoot open. "Wha- GRAY!!" you run over and hug him, crying.

"i-i thought you were dead, *sniff* you were-*sniff* laying there not moving." Say sobbing into his shoulder.

He holds you with his good arm, "shh shh, it's ok, I'm not dead baby, I'm right here, I'm bleeding out of my shoulder and I should probably go to the hospital, but im not dead." His head sitting on top of yours

"oh shit, yea okay let's go." You help him to the car and start driving, you drop him off at the hospital and tell him you're gonna go take care of something.

You get back in your car and drive to a harbor, you then park and start disassembling his gun.

"god...I don't even know why he has this thing, granted he did get shot at but for fucks sake." You mumbled to yourself.

You speed back to the hospital,the doctors tell you he already out of surgery and he's doing fine, and they tell you his room number.

You walk back to his room. "Hey...Grayson baby, you okay?" You whisper not wanting to scare him.

"hmm? Oh yea hey come in." He's sitting up in bed both of his arms in slings. "Can you do me a favors and grab my juice box?"

You look on his tray and there's a little apple juice, juice box on it. "Oh yea sure sweetie." You poke the straw through the hole and hold it up to his mouth.

"Thank you."

"your welcome lovie." The doctor came in. "Ah, I see your already on it, that's good, very sweet of you." You look at him confused.

"um care to explain sir, or am I slow."

He chuckles, "my apologies, um since your friend, I'm assuming has two bad shoulder that have made him unable to move his arms at all he will need around the clock assistance."

You set down the juice box that he basically breathed in. "What do you mean both shoulders I thought he only got shot in one?"

"oh he did but his other shoulder is slightly sprained it's should heal up in a around 2 and a half weeks, while the other shoulder should take at most 4, but normally three. So due to his situation, his arm mobility is hindered untill a later date." He says with his arms crossed over his clip board.

You sit next to gray and look at him, "well I'm down, it's not like we don't spend every single second with each anyway." Gray laughs, "yea I guess thats true."

The doctors clear him and you help him get dressed but since it was late you threw a hoodie on him since there was no use for the sleeves.

You both get in the car and drive to your house, "come on gray we gotta get you to sleep." You tap and rub his tummy to wake him.

You get him up and walk up stairs to your bathroom. "Ok lemme brush your teeth." You sit on the sink and brush for him.

"okay that's done. Um alright it's 2 am ur tired I'm tired we can do the rest tomorrow okay?" You ask Grayson who's barley keeping his eyes open. "Okayyy." He says yawning.

"all right let's go to bed." You walk him over to the side of the bed and help him sit down.

" all right be careful and don't drop all the way down be careful not to lose your- oh fuck!"

You both lost your balance and fell on the bed, your on top of him millimeters away from his face. You never really looked at Grayson that way, never really looked at his eyes, dark as the ocean pulling you deeper and deeper to the point where you don't care if you drown.

Or his lips, they look so soft and smooth, if you were to kiss them it would feel like silk pillows. His lips..."oh fuck his lips."

Grayson catches your eyes staring at his lips and he sits up. "My lips baby, hmm that what you want?" You both sitting up on the bed. "Where? Your neck, cheek?" He drags his nose up the side of your neck to your ear.

"or that pretty little pussy?"

You gasp and get up off of him. "Um okay time to go to bed for real this time. Uh you good? you okay? Need any thing?"

"uh nah, nah I'm good. I guess...I'm laying flat then?" You turn to look at him.

"um yea I think that would be best."

You both start to relax and go to sleep.

"hey gray? I gotta ask you something, you know what's up with clair because she came up to me claiming I'm fucking her boyfriend, who's apperently you and also you stole some weed for her and that just dosent make sense to me."

He jerks his head to look at you "wait what!? When?"

"when you left to answer the phone she said your her boyfriend and she would know the person's she's been fucking and the guy who stole weed for her."

"so that's why- ughh fucking ethan."

"what? What about him? And what was that phone call about?"

He sighed "okay so I got a phone call from this guy named daemin, and I guess he thinks I stole weed from his little brother oscar, and I guess he's been watching me or something he said if I don't get his money he'll light my ass up and he'd go for my lil bitch himself, the one with the braids."

"oh shit so it was Ethan who stole the weed and prolly gave that guy your number, and prolly claimed he was you...now what the fuck wrong with claire?"

"Claire don't know that theres two of us and she don't talk to people he's friends with so he probably lied to her to."

Laying there in shock you think to yourself. "What kinda fucked up shit you got going on to lie about your whole identity and pretend to be your twin brother that you treat like shit?"

"ion know ask him."

You said it outloud.... again. "Oh shit my bad. But I will actually."

"what? No don't-"

"no gray this shit is crazy. YOU GOT SHOT! I'm not gonna let him get away with that shit gray! Now go to bed."

He sighs and closes his eyes.

——————————————————————

Next morning comes around. You wake up early to make grays' breakfast. A protein shake with some greek yogurt mixed with fruit.

You go back upstairs and he's awake.

"hey boo sorry to keep you waiting. I was making your breakfast. Need help?"

"yeth please."

"okay silly, sit up, legs out, and stand up on three okay? One, two, three...theeeere we go."

You walk over to the bathroom. Brush his teeth, wash his face and...help him pee.

"okay so how do you wanna do this gray?"

"umm you could hold it? If you wanna."

"seriously grayson. But that's like-"

"look your gonna have to bathe me at one point within these three weeks so like might as well get used to it."

"mm true, gosh okay."

You pull his pants down quickly trying to get this over with as soon as possible.

"okay so do I just like h-hold it or something? Or like do I just let it hang there?"

"no no you got to hold it bro otherwise I'll piss on myself then you have to change my pants and my underwear and wipe my legs down."

"ewww... Okay okay I guess this is better. Um sorry if my hands are cold."

"your all good."

"speaking of shower, let's just get that out the way because you haven't showered in a brick."

He sighs "alright"

You help him get his clothes off and turn on the shower.

"alright hop in big dic- oop- I mean big head." You giggle to yourself.

"ouu ok baby, oh and just for pure curiosity, which head?"

You slowly turn to him. "The one that made you think of that dumbass question, goofy get in, naughty ass."

"okay! Okay! Shit you the naughty one." Said with a smirk followed by a failed and painful attempt to slap your ass.

"ow! Ow! Fuck my shoulder!"

"and that's what ya get, hop in." You say giving him a pinch on the ass.

"what a nice butt, good for you!"

"thank you queen." He smiles

"your welcome king." And proceed to bathe him

-------------------------------------------------

A couple hours later you left Grayson at home with him and a tv and left out all the snacks on the counter at a reachable level, whole you went out and....handle some business.

On the phone: "hey, meet me at the bleachers okay I need to talk to you about something."

"uh yea sure I'll be there."

A couple hours later, your sitting on the bleachers with the cold New Jersey air, causing your nose to become ice cold.

"hey." You jumped.

"oh shit! Oh hey sorry you scared me."

"ha, yea um sorry about that, so what did you wanna talk about?"

Now to most that seems like a very obvious question, it'd go something like 'hey why the fuck did you lie about your identity and completely drop your twin fucking brother'. Right? No.

The problem is you and Ethan have history, which also adds to the reason why your a lot closer to gray than Ethan and was like the breaking point of Ethan and Grayson relationship.

Basically in freshman year of highschool you and Ethan....dated?? Well no you did date but...it was shorted lived because he decided to cheat...on you. Crazy right? I know. And you'll never guess who he cheated on you with.....Claire!!! Isn't that amazing, what a coincidence.

So the day you found out was kinda intense.....

"What is wrong with you!"

"Why would you do that to her!"

"As long as we've know her!"

"Huh Ethan! What's the matter with you! Who raised you! It wasn't ma! I most definitely wasn't dad!"

Grayson being the lovely, kind, understanding soul that he is decided to give Ethan a piece of his mind after consoling you in the living room.

"Jesus Grayson! It wasn't even that bad!"

With his hands on his hips, mouth ajar and eyes bugging out of his head.

"you've gotta be shitting me. You made out with the bitch ON SNAPCHAT! THEY GOT YOU IN 4K BRO! What do you mean it isn't that bad!"

"look why does it bother you so much? Like it's not your relationship. It's mine."

"Because your my brother and I love you and I love her to, I want her to be loved and appreciated the way she deserves, and I expected better from you, I never thought, my brother, a fucking scumbag of a man. Had the audacity to cheat on his girl. I guess I stand fucking corrected."

They sit in silence for a while. Your in the living room nervous because you've seen them fight of course but, never this heated.

"well if you love so damn much you be with her, I don't fucking want her if there's gonna be this much drama."

Time for you to get angry.

"First of all motherfucker you cheated! Don't you fucking switch this around on me."

Grayson stands in front of you, tear filling your eyes by the gallons.

"I fuckin loved you....so much, so hard...I did. And this what you fucking do...this the last time I love someone as much as I loved you."

And with that you stormed out. Grayson followed disgusted with his brother.

--------

"....so what did you wanna talk about."

You snap back into reality.

"umm well one your fucking brother was shot!"

He jumps back. "What?! Was he really? When by who?"

"a few days ago. most likely by a guy named oscar...who shot him because apparently, Grayson 'sober4L' Dolan™, stole weed from him. Now the only people in this damn highschool that smoke are those rich ass kids you hang out with, and gray got a phone call about this whole situation and claimed that if he didn't get his money or the weed back, he was gonna shoot up him and take his lil girlfriend, 'the one with the braids'."

He rocks back and forth anxiously, knowing he was caught.

"and of course the only girl he's around with braids is me."

"okay look i-"

"Aht aht wait, I'm not done."

"because at the same time grayson was on the phone I had and interaction with the lovely ms.claire. She claimed I was 'fucking her boyfriend' and I asked who and she said 'grayson the one who stole weed for me'."

He puts his head in his hands.

"so now I'm looking at her like she dumb because we both know Grayson dosent smoke, so a couple hours later I ask grayson about the situation and then he tells me about the phone call, so we put two and two together."

"so gray got a call from someone claiming he stole thier weed, claire your lovely girlfriend enlightened me on the fact that I was sleeping with her boyfriend, who stole weed for her. Knowing Grayson is neither dating her or smokes. So who on earth, could have Grayson's number, steal Grayson name and identity and create a whole new fucking life. Oh hmm let's start with the fuck-amato who made the fuck sure no one knew he was a twin and also dates the girl that my ex boyfriend cheated on me with...who just so happens to be the fucking twin. what do you have to say for yourself?"

There is a pause between you and him.

"umm....I'm sorry."

"y-your sorry....SORRY YA BROTHER GOT SHOT AND ITS ALL YOUR- you know what here what we're gonna do."

You pull out your phone and you had saved daemin's number.

"you are gonna call oscar and tell him the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and tell him you'll get his lil cousin his money back okay?" Because if not I will..."

"okay, okay, call him."

You call and the phone starts ringing. He picks up.

"hello?"

"hey daemin I have the actual guy you wanted to shoot at and damn near kill"

"word? Who is it then?"

"his twin brother."

"ohhhh shit. Aw damn aye is gray good man I feel like shit he didn't deserve this."

"he's fine but his brother ethan, on the other hand is the guy you should've got, but look since I don't want both of them shot the fuck up he is gonna over there and hand you the money okay?"

"shit alright"

You end the phone call and he sends you the address.

"alright let's go."

-------------------------------------------------

You and Ethan pull up to daemin's house.

"look when we get in here don't say shit give him the fckn money and don't say shit."

"alright alright"

You walk towards the door and knock on it. It's opens and there stands a guy around Ethan's height.

"um hi are you daemin?"

"yea that me, you got my money?"

"oh yea we do, Ethan give it to him"

He pulls 85 dollars out of his pocket

"here you go man, um sorry for-"

The door slammed in our faces.

"umm I guess that it-"

"how's Graysons shoulder?"

"oh it's good it's getting better I gotta get back to him though, he can't do everything by himself."

"alright cool I just wanted to make sure, does he need anything like I got bandages and a first aid."

"oh no no its fine my mom's a nurse I got all the stuff I need thank you though."

"alright bye drive safe"

"okay thank you!"

You and Ethan get back to the car.

Ethan turns to you. "Um he's nicer than expected."

"yea...um okay, I'm gonna take you back home. "

"yup okay sounds cool. "

The drive to Ethan's was awkward and quiet. He still stayed at him and Graysons childhood home. You haven't been there in years.

"well here we are. God it still looks the same."

"yea hasn't changed since the last time you've been here."

You turn to look at him.

"alrighty well- mphm"

Ethan kisses you holding the side of your face.

"I miss you. I do. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you. You didn't deserve that, I took you for granted. Please give me another chance."

Your in shock to say the least. Staring at him in disbelief.

"...no Ethan."

"what? What do you mean?!"

"I mean no, I'm not going to go back to you I don't feel that way about you. And honestly once a cheater always a cheater, I just can't give myself back to the same person that changed me emotionally, to where it's hard for me to love people as much as I used to. Like what you do if I cheated on you, would you come back to me? And be honest with yourself."

He moves his hand.

"...no"

"exactly...so don't expect me to be the same. Goodbye Ethan."

He gets out and goes inside and you drive back to your place.

-------------------------------------------------

You come back home Grayson in the living room, on the couch.

You sit next to him and talk to him about what happened, he was worried and frustrated at first with the fact that you went but understood it was your life at risk to. A couple of weeks pass, Graysons wound is fixed and you guys are let out for winter break.

Spending time with Grayson made you realize, what you deserved in a relationship, the love, appreciation, affection, loyalty. All of it, you deserved it.

And you got it, you and Graysons infatuation with one another, grew bigger and bigger over winter break. The Christmas vibes, sleeping in onesies and making cookies. Making love next to the fire place, trails of kisses going down both his and your body.

Afterwords..."hey Grayson? Can I ask you something."

"of course beautiful what is it?"

"how would you feel if we went back to school, ya know together?"

"when were we going separately?"

"nooo silly like together, a thing, an "item". We go back in a relationship. If that's something you want?"

"Are fucking joking! Of course I would baby. God, I've been waiting." And with that you finally found the love of your life, whom which in the future you had your two twin daughters with. Inez and Felicity.

You've never been so content.

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[ultraclops]

Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes

Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!

Lucky Ducky Mug

Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby

"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.

How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle

"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian

I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING

I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"

Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter

Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this

Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference

Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code

They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.

Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.

Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts

Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing

Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal

The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,

(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT

The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived

So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool

SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG

Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.

Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.

Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again

"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood

"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh

Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?

Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!

Lonely Kid

(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)

"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.

Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp

I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??

NOO GERALDINE

That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW

So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained

I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason

How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him

HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT

"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."

"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.

So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.

Man those kids are jackasses

"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT

Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL

"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"

Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality

I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.

"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN

This monster empty, YEET

Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY

"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL

He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗

Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.

"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense

Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends

I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??

Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕

Try Hard

No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol

"K for Copyright Infringement"

"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?

"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from

"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!

Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka

"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like

Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.

Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"

This badger and cat empty, YEET

Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail

WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE

"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors

"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"

Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?

"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?

"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"

Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm

"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"

"JERK BUTT"

Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?

"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why

"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓

Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?

Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.

GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!

I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.

Scared Of Puppets

Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...

"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here

Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.

Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.

Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?

"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...

Mr. Din Dandalib!

"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."

IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT

If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different

(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"

"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"

...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-

That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...

So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How

I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR

"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks

OH WIG

Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please

"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context

(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki

How does one forget to drink milk

Oh shit the scene from the promo...

Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??

OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK

Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!

"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...

"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"

"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"

Those puppets are alive I stg

"I'M A BIG BOI..."

Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!

"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN

Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear

Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang

The Perfect Couple

Watermelon time babyyy

TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY

Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?

"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers

Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple

Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that

Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao

"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."

"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...

Nvm its just laundry

"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"

Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat

"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀

I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist

Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit

Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm

Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh

Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....

IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK

Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared

"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now

"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?

OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK

He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol

Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too

"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL

[aworldoffandoms]

Runaway - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Duty Calls

Pairing: Liam x MC [Ariel]

Word Count: 3, 857+/- (my words got away with me)

Rating: T 

Warnings: Minor swearing

Summary: Liam continues with his duties as king but stumbles upon information that brings him a step closer to getting the answers he seeks.

MASTERLIST

Tag list: @hopefulmoonobject @annekebbphotography @am-i-invisible777  @blznbaby @khakie4 @lauradowning29 @blackcoffee85 @captain-kingliamsqueen @moneyfordiamonds @super-secret-fandom-blog @jovialyouthmusic @zaffrenotes @ao719 @umccall71 @carabeth @furiousherringoperatortoad

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Pixelberry and all characters belong to them. The plot is all mine.

A special shoutout to @ernestsinclairs ! Thank you for all your edits, suggestions and rewrites! You are honestly the best! :) 

The sun had chosen today of all days to hide behind the clouds as Liam exits the palace to head into the capital. Situations like a queen’s disappearance still didn’t exempt him of his duties. There was the grand opening of a new cancer wing of the Children's hospital, the annual yacht race preparations, the tedious task of approving foreign business licenses afterward. A little pang speared him in the heart as the first task strayed into his mind. The treatment had been set in a new healthcare scheme that Ariel had spearheaded as queen. One last act of the most benevolent person he knew. Families would be able to claim treatment on this scheme and be able to pay the treatment off within their price range. A win-win in any case. Liam would do anything to make it easier on the families going through turmoil with a sick child.

Liam knew he needed this, not only because Regina had urged him to, but for his people as well. He hadn’t been out of the palace for an official engagement in almost a month. His people were getting anxious and it didn’t help that the media was exacerbating the situation -- even bringing up Ariel’s disappearance more than twice in each broadcast.

In all instances, Liam had to agree with this statement, because, in some way, it was true. Although finding Ariel was his top priority, he feels his heart squeeze with guilt as he realizes that his people, his country, needs their King. He couldn’t afford them losing faith in him now.

Having a country which didn’t support him would be the final nail in his heart and his mental stability.

Ariel needs me also…

Liam had to prioritize in some way. This searching was becoming all-consuming and maybe, just maybe, it was starting to wear on him.

He was exhausted all the time. Less than 4 hours sleep, paired with those eight o’clock meetings every day and signing off on royal papers in between, while also searching for Ariel and he’s already on thin ice.

This was unhealthy and his people were starting to see the cracks.

Liam steels himself as he squares his shoulders while taking a deep breath and plasters the regal smile on his face he used for all royal occasions.

As soon as he steps out of the black SUV, the dulled voices of the crowd outside erupts into cheering and loud exclamations from the excited crowd at seeing their King again.

“Your Majesty! Your Majesty!”

“Oh my goodness! It’s the King!”

“I feel like we haven’t seen King Liam in ages. Does he look tired to you?”

That last comment hit a nerve but he pretends not to notice and keeps his carefully composed mask on his face as he continues his march towards the hospital.

He gives the crowd a smile and waves as he makes the rounds talking to a few commoners and nobles that have gathered for the cutting of the ribbon.

Bastien then guides him to the wing of the hospital where he is met with the Director of Medicine of the Cordonian Children’s Hospital. What was her name? Ingrid, probably.

Ingrid curtsies and raises her hand to Liam and gives him a smile. “Thanks for coming, your majesty. We are so honored to have you here.”

Liam smiles, reciprocating the gesture as he gives the director a firm handshake. “I am always happy to offer my support in any way possible that helps the children of Cordonia.”

Ingrid flashes him another warm smile.

“Well…if you’ll follow me I’ll give you a tour of the new wing and then you can cut the ribbon to commemorate its opening.”

Liam nods as he follows Ingrid with Bastien and the King’s Guard following close. The media trails behind them with a few cameras recording his journey through the hospital with avid interest.

The tour goes well and Liam offers a genuine smile to the cameras as he cuts the ribbon. On his way to the car, he stops and offers a few words to some kids that were clamoring to get a glimpse of the king. He had a few kind words to them until Bastien ushered him away. Duties in Valtoria awaited.

Hana and Maxwell had put all their energy into keeping that duchy alive and since both were on the Royal Council they had enough power to help. Liam had no qualms with that, given that he gave Ariel that duchy, to begin with.

Another royal engagement and another day without his queen. He almost wonders if this is what he’ll end up doing for the rest of his life. Taking it day by day, barely existing as the world moves on around him.

Liam sighs as he loosens his tie, stepping into the wardrobe that he once shared with his wife. His eyes glance to her side and another wave of pain spears through him at seeing it empty.

He swallows the lump in his throat. How can he still feel this way? Why can’t he move on? It was like he was stuck in mud or bound by chains and only Ariel had the means to get him out. She was the only one to lift him from this horrid, dark place that he’s been in ever since she left.

Liam turns around to step onto his side of their wardrobe and strips off his official daily regalia. As he shrugs off his jacket a flash of white catches his eye under the lights and his breath catches as he realizes that it was his royal wedding outfit. His heart thunders in his chest and his mind flits back to that day when Ariel’s face lit up as their eyes met from opposite sides of the cathedral. He wanted to run to her but knew it wasn’t the customary thing to do and instead marvelled at her beauty.

He runs his fingers down the sleeve of his wedding jacket, despite the pain he feels he can’t help but smile. He has to remember the good times he had with Ariel. He needs to have hope. That’s all he has left.

As he turns to go into the bathroom, his fingers catch on something as they were still trailing down the front of his jacket and he snaps his head to his white tux and furrows his brow.

What could that possibly be?  

Liam’s brow creases even further as he steps closer and digs into the front pocket of his jacket. His fingers latch on to something hard and paper-like. He lifts it from its confines and finds a folded piece of paper.

His eyes narrow as his mouth twists in confusion.

“What is this?” Liam mumbles as he flips it over.

Something nags at him and his stomach clenches when he realizes that this is another letter as he finds his name on top of it in the unmistakable cursive script of his wife.

Why would Ariel write me another note?

Liam’s heart almost stops. A new note? She honestly couldn’t break his heart more than she already has? Her words in her goodbye letter still haunt him.

He gulps as he slowly opens the note with shaking hands. His pulse increases when he finds his name at the top of the note, but it patters off in confusion when he finds a cluster of letters underneath it.

***

B TF WHBGC MABL YHK PHNK IKHMXVMBHG. 

PAXG RHN WXVBIXK

MABL, FTR RHNK CHNKGXRZ MTDX RHN MH FHLVHP  – KHNY TGLPXKL PBEE UX MHXKE

UX LTYX, FR EHOY

***

I am doing this for your protection.  When you decipher this, may your journeys take you to Moscow - your answers will be there.

Be safe, my love

***

What in god’s name is this?

They were all a jumble of words, though their meaning was obviously forthcoming. Something so important and astounding that it could blow this whole investigation of trying to find his queen wide open. As a king…should he know what this means?

Maybe he came across a topic like this in his studies as a teen, but being a teen and a prince at the same time, he’d followed in Leo’s example just once, wanting reckless adventure and wallowing in luxury. His education was important, but he found himself bored with Machiavellian theory and fork placement for five hours a day when all he wanted was to sneak out and play maze tag with his friends and brother.

Right now, he wants to kick his younger self.

One thing was for sure…he needed to get this piece of paper deciphered and the only person who knew how to at least try to understand that paper was Regina. Surely she would be willing to help - this was her daughter-in-law and the chance for a grandchild after all.

Liam wants to get to it straight away but as he glances at his watch, the time had simply flown by. Regina would most definitely be asleep, and she didn’t particularly like to be waked.

He’d ask her in the morning, he thought to himself as he felt a yawn overtake him.

Stepping in front of the vanity, the contents of the note still perplexing him as he finishes, dries and gets ready for bed.

Liam closes his eyes, the letters dancing behind his closed lids.

His gut told him that those jumbles of words were important. Hadn’t Ariel been the one to teach him that? It had to be a test. But…why did it take him two years to find it?

That suit jacket had hung on his shoulders for so many times since her disappearance…how did it just show up now?

Could it be possible that Ariel had planned this in her own way?

Liam’s face lights up in a smile, even as sleep starts to come for him. To this day, Ariel still surprises him. Her unpredictability and decisiveness always manages to surprise him. Damn, she was a force. And he loves her more for it.

I miss you, Ariel.

Liam’s eyes prickle with tears, the cloud of sorrow almost drowning him again as the remains of his broken heart melt on the floor as it calls for his life back.

Liam turns to his side and splays his hand out on Ariel’s side of the bed. He sighs. He wishes. He yearns and he aches and desires for her to be beside him so he can cradle her in his arms, sink into her scent of freesia and strawberries.

Liam drifts off into a deep slumber with the face of his beloved behind his eyes, hoping wherever she was, she was thinking of him too.

***

“Breaking News just coming out from Sweden...Prince Carl Philip has been confirmed missing by King Carl Gustav and Queen Silvia. The prince was last seen out with friends before disappearing after a royal engagement. The prince’s security detail was reportedly neutralized.

The Swedish Royal family has released a statement to the public:

“We are utterly distraught at the prospect of our son, Prince Carl Philip, missing. Our security staff and national police are looking into his disappearance. If anyone saw anything last night, please ring the royal press office at 9398-2345-5443 or email at royalpressoffice@swedenroyal.com

We thank you for all your thoughts and prayers at this tough time and we hope against hope that Prince Carl Philip will return to us soon.”

______________________________________________________________

“Prince Carl Philip was out celebrating his third wedding anniversary at the Villa Solbacken.

This news comes as a number of other royals have disappeared throughout Europe. Queen Letizia of Spain went missing three months ago. Today marks the one year anniversary since Prince Amedeo of Belgium also went missing. It’s been two and a half years since Queen Ariel of Cordonia vanished into thin air. Should the rest of Europe be worried?

Royalists like to think so. However, we cannot jump to conclusions.

Please remember that if you have seen or heard anything about Prince Carl Philip, let the royal press office know on the number on the screen.

Until then, I’m Kerri Constance, goodnight.”

“Seriously, Liam? You’re watching this shit?” Drake says as he arches his eyebrow at his best friend.

Liam gives Drake an exasperated scowl, his eyes still trained on the screen.

“No, Drake. I’m not watching this shit for fun. I’m watching it for a reason. The Prince of Sweden has gone missing.”

Drake’s eyes widen as he settles beside the king in the palace drawing room. The TV was blaring the six o’clock news, the anchors eagerly jumping on the story of the newest missing royal.

Liam stares intently at the screen and Drake just watches him for a minute, seeing the cogs turning in his mind. He was thinking and Drake liked to think that Ariel was on his mind. After all, why wouldn’t it be?

“They have been running this story all day. They’ve mentioned Ariel’s case a few times already.”

Drake nods as he leans forward in his seat, as he glances up at the TV listening to the anchorwoman talk about the missing prince and other royals that have been vanishing over the last few months.

“Have other royals been disappearing too?” Drake inquires.

Liam nods as he leans back against the couch, ticking off all the missing people on his fingers.

“They have. The Crown Prince of Denmark, Queen Letizia of Spain, the Belgian Prince, and Princess Marguerite of Monaco. She was at a summit for international relations with country leaders at the Royal Palace there. She went to freshen up, never came back. They’re . . . understandably upset over there.”

Damn! That many royals missing over a few months? And all of them in Europe? 

That put a bad taste in Drake’s mouth. 

Something didn’t feel right.

“Have you had any luck with the prisoners?”

Liam finally tears his eyes away from the television to give Drake his undivided attention. An actual smile seems to play on his lips, although faint.

“Yes. Under careful interrogation by Bastien and his men, they have managed to uncover plots that they were going to implement if the kidnapping was successful. One was using past indiscretions against us to blackmail into abdicating. They also got some information about some offshore accounts. Bastien did some digging and all of these link to many places in Europe and America.”

Drake nods, their American contact's words straying back into his mind. Nazario was his name, was it not? He’d be valuable in the future.

Liam sighs, his expression grave.

“I have a feeling that The Sons Of Earth have been funded by these people. And it seems like they are pretty powerful people considering that none of the money has been found anywhere else. Anton was sneaky. He went undetected for months as Ariel’s press secretary...so I wouldn’t put it past him to somehow get away with this.”

Liam glances down at the paper in his lap, fingering it for a few beats before he hands it over to Drake.

“What’s this?” Drake asks, his furrowing his eyebrows in concentration, the deciphering of the code now at play.

“A note I found in the pocket of my wedding tux.”

Drake’s eyes widen as he stares at Liam, then glance down at the note again. “What? How did it get in there? It’s been nearly three years since your wedding.”

Liam shrugs, exhaling heavily. “I have no idea. Ariel seems to have had everything under control even before she left. My guess is it’s a code or something.”

Drake glances at the note. The letters swam before his eyes almost teasingly, beckoning him to come and decipher them. But after a few minutes, the only thing he’d gleaned was that it was a sentence of some sort. What a pity that was. 

Drake leans forward on the couch as his mind runs, his mind latching onto some information he gathered when flitting through a Cordonian history book during one of his many journeys through the palace when a ball was underway. “I swear it was in a book...but I remember you mentioning something when we were kids...when that warrior Queen that founded the five kingdoms would use ciphers and hidden messages to send her allies details of where she was when she was in exile? Could this be something like that?”

At Drake’s words, Liam freezes, his back straightening in firm realization.

“Drake,” is all he says, the word pushed out like the dying breath of a man gasping for air.

Drake’s heart beats heavily, his stomach twisting in concern for his friend. Liam hadn’t stopped staring at him for a good two minutes.

“Uh...yes, Liam?”

Without a word, Liam snatches the cipher from Drake’s palm and stands up, charging out the door and stumbling into the main atrium.

“Liam, where are you going?”

Liam glances back at Drake, his eyes alight with the determination he saw only a few weeks ago when they were all gathered in his office.

Liam smiles. “I’m going to Regina to get this cipher figured out. She has experience with these. She had to decipher some letters my father would get in the mail. And then…”

“And then... what?” Drake says, Liam’s animated state disconcerting as his actions were almost robotic in nature.

“And then we find Ariel.”

Liam doesn’t say another word and continues on his way, Drake following after him at a brisk jog, still trying to catch the man’s attention.

“Liam...wait! Are you sure this is the right way to go?”

Liam glances behind his shoulder, addressing his friend as he takes the gilded steps up to the third floor two at a time. 

“Of course I am, Drake. Just have a gut feeling that’s all. I have no indication how long this,” Liam pauses, raising the folded piece of parchment up in the air. “...has been sitting in my jacket for. For all I know, it was there the whole time and I was too dense to notice it! It was right in front of my eyes this whole time!”

Liam takes a deep breath, his pulse rising in anger, his fists clenching beside him. He was angry. Angry at himself for being so consumed by his pain that he didn’t see the little details. At Ariel for sending him on this wild goose chase. At this whole situation. He should be living happily ever after with Ariel and here he was trying desperately to hold on to anything that could give him that.  

Add that to the fact that European royals are going missing and, deep down, Liam had no idea what was happening.

How could he be so foolish? How could he be so blind, so overcome by his pain that he couldn’t look at his wedding tux until nearly three years later? What kind of lurid joke was this? Had Ariel intentionally put that there? Would she be angry at him that he had taken nearly three years to find it?  

Liam sighs as he glances at Drake.

“What else can I do? Bastien has spent the last two weeks interrogating the captured prisoners. This may be the last bit of evidence we have. It could be what breaks the case and we have a solid lead.”

Drake stares at his closest friend and his heart tightens as he sees the light he saw earlier faltering in those blue eyes.

He couldn’t see his friend falling back into those old, destructive patterns again.

Drake sighs, nodding in resignation.

“Okay, let’s do this. Whatever answers we get from Regina - I’m with you all the way.”

Liam’s mouth lifts up in a winsome smile as his hand comes to Drake’s shoulder as he tightens his hold in gratitude. “Thank you, Drake.”

Drake shrugs. “All good.”

Liam chuckles at his friend's noncommittal answer as he knocks on the door three times. The pounding in his ears grows louder by the second until it’s replaced by another noise - the pattering of feet behind the door. A voice calls out, and Liam answers as he steps through the door.

“Regina? It’s Liam.”

Regina glances up and her grey eyes slightly widen as she catches the sight of both of them, disheveled from their trek up the stairs, Liam still slightly breathless.

“Liam? What is the matter? Is there something you wish to discuss with me?”

Liam nods. “Yes, there is Regina.”

Liam lifts the paper, Regina giving it the careful appraising look she was so famous for. “What is that?”

Liam takes a seat in front of Regina and passes over the note with the incomprehensible jumble of letters written on it.  Regina stares at it, before opening what was given to her, her fingers almost hesitant as she does so.  

Liam stares at his step-mother with intensely, his eyes scanning her face for any twitch or change in expression.

So, when he sees her eyes widen and a gasp escapes her lips, panic sets in. “What? What is it, Regina?”

Regina glances up at him, her eyes wide with shock. “Liam…”

Liam grits his teeth as he says, “What is it, Regina? Did you decipher it?”

It surprised Liam that it only took Regina a few minutes to read the cipher, but he shouldn’t be so surprised about that considering that she did it for his father all the time. He still kicked himself for not studying them in greater detail.

Regina sighs as she gestures in vain towards the letter in a futile attempt to explain its meaning.

“This cipher isn’t complex in the least but what it says is rather direct.”

Liam gives Regina a pleading look. “And does it entail exactly?”

Regina sighs, raising her gaze to his, her words blunt and piercing.

“It says the answers you seek are in Moscow. Ariel left to protect you. But from what?” Regina shrugs, as she shakes her head. “I’m not quite sure. But, I’m guessing it’s something big if it entails her leaving you and Cordonia behind.”

“Could the Sons of Earth be more involved in Ariel’s disappearance than we first thought?”

“As much as I don’t want to believe it -- I think they are. If we find the answers in Moscow…maybe the real reason that Ariel left may be revealed.”

Liam groans as he stands and runs his hands through his hair again, the frustration settling back into his shoulders.

He finally turns to Regina for a faint smile.

“Thank you so much, Regina. I will keep you updated on what we do next. You have helped me out immensely.”

Regina smiles and then turns back to the book she was reading, a quiet signal that the conversation was over.

Drake follows Liam out of the room, his voice ringing a little too loudly for his liking in the deserted palace halls.

“Liam. What do we do now?”

Liam glances to Drake, his eyes set in steely resolve, his jaw set.

“I’m not wasting any more time. We are going to Moscow. Tonight.”

[sofhyuck]

Terrace House!AU Haechan

Genre: fluff, bullet point scenario

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N please read the introduction first!

when you were dropped off at the house you completely expected to be the first to arrive seeing as it was 4 in the morning

but when you opened the door you saw another pair of shoes in the foyer and could hear someone moving around the kitchen

all previous fatigue left your body because shit you were not expecting human interaction this early in the morning you just wanted to slip into bed and s l e e p

your brain was going full throttle trying to think of ways to slip around the mystery person and just hide in your room when the front door slammed closed behind you, crushing all hopes of escape in its wake

you froze, luggage in hand, as the kitchen turned silent

a head slowly peaked around the corner and holy shit the sun rose early today because right in front of you was none other than lee donghyuck, sunny boi haechan himself

his smile nearly blinded you, a soft ‘hello’ fell past your lips

however, upon making eye contact with you, haechan’s smile faltered, a greeting failing to leave him

marking it up to a lack of sleep, you quickly introduced yourself before excusing yourself to your room

a few hours later and you finally felt rested enough to go out and meet the rest of your housemates, plus someone was cooking and it smelled absolutely wonderful

while making yourself presentable, you were able to meet your roommates as they were floating in and out of the bedroom

they were both lovely, one a fashion designer and the other a graduate student studying agriculture idk this was the first thing i thought of

after cleaning up a little you left the room and headed towards the kitchen where your roommates had informed you everyone had gathered

as soon as you entered the room you were once again greeted with haechan’s smiling face

he was sat at the table chatting with the fashion designer and another male figure who looked around your age

his eyes locked with yours and suddenly he froze, causing his two companions to turn and face you

your roommate’s face lit up in delight, glad that “you finally decided to grace us with your presence!” 

a small laugh escaped you and you settled into the only available seat left remaining, next to the male who introduced himself as jihoon, an aspiring artist, the same age as yourself

upon discovering you were the same age the table filled with teasing “ooh’s” from your surrounding housemates, all except haechan

he shifted uncomfortably in his seat while you hid your face in embarrassment

after everyone settled down, introductions were made and you all began to break off into your own conversations, all except for hyuck

every attempt you made to engage him was brushed off with one worded answers

you and jihoon found common ground in your love for hiking, your agriculture major roommate, aeri, joining the conversation halfway through

slowly the kitchen began to empty and you found yourself alone with hyuck

before you could even open your mouth, he stood up abruptly and rushed out of the room, mumbling something about being late for practice, leaving you flustered in your seat

weeks passed and your bond with jihoon and aeri grew, but still no luck with haechan

it seemed that everyone in the house except for you was his best friend

every time it was the two of you alone in a room, he suddenly became flustered and made up an excuse to leave

you did your best to remain unbothered, it would be a lie if you said you had no feelings for hyuck, i mean he was your bias but no one needed to know that 

all you could do was pray the production team wouldn’t make you look like an idiot once the footage aired nobody wants angry fangirls coming for their ass

you did your best to ignore the awkward interactions and hung out mostly with jihoon and aeri

you grew closer with each day, and when jihoon told you he liked aeri you almost woke the whole house with how loudly you fangirled

aeri had just told you she was gaining feelings for jihoon a few days before so obviously you took this as your initiative to set the two up since you had basically given up all hope on your love life rip hyuck wyd get your act together

so you decided to do something you all loved: hiking ik this a weird choice i just need it for the purpose of this fic and i now realize this could have worked with yuta better pls give me a break

so you find the perfect trail and plan everything out perfectly and you tell jihoon and aeri about this amazing new trail and you should all go together!!! and they’re like hell yEa!!!!

but then jihoon suggests you invite hyuck bc he happens to have a day off that day and he seems really stressed and a nice hike could help clear his mind lol @ hanbin and well you’d feel like an ass if you said no so you hesitantly agree

and jihoon’s all great!!! bc he sees this as his chance to set you and hyuck up he’s roommates with the kid he knows he has feelings for you silly kids so oblivious to each other’s feelings

so that’s how you end up on a hike with haechan while simultaneously trying to set up your two best friends

part of said plan was to tie your shoe and tell them to go ahead without you, leaving the two alone, but now you have no idea how to do that with hyuck there as well

the four of you begin your trek up the mountain making small talk aka jihoon trying to get hyuck to talk to you

and miraculously, somehow it works bc now you and hyuck are having a small conversation

but the whole time you’re glancing up at jihoon to make sure the two of you are falling behind

unbeknownst to you haechan is getting annoyed bc you’re talking to him pay attention to him >:( also he’s highkey jealous of your friendship with jihoon and he’s convinced you like jihoon despite him constantly telling hyuck it’s not like that

as the distance between the two groups grows you can feel hyuck growing more and more frustrated with you and he begins to speed up

assuming he’s frustrated because you’re slowing him down, you finally decide to reveal your plan to him

you scramble to catch up to him, not paying attention to the terrain and woops there goes your ankle

you let out a small cry and hyuck’s head whips around to see you sitting and cradling your foot

boi frEaks tf OuT

he turns to call for jihoon and aeri but they’re already out of sight and he doesn’t want to leave you alone so he zOOmS down to you

“don’t you hike all the time i thought you were supposed to be good at this?”

“ShuT UP hYUcK i’m in PAIN” you yell at him and he blushes bc a) you’re cute when angry and b) you called him hyuck omg he’s so soft for you

but he snaps out of it bc the love of his life you’re hurt!

since he’s a dancer he’s no stranger to injuries, especially rolled ankles

he props your ankle up while the camera crew calls for help

and you’re just sat there mumbling on about how “well this is one way to make the plan work”

and he looks over at you confused bc “what plan?? wait omg did you bring me out here to kiLL mE IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SLOWING US DOWN????”

but you’re just like omg no hyuck i was trying to get jihoon and aeri alone so they would cOnFEsS!

ad he’s just like...oh...but...don’t you like jihoon why would you want to set them up?

and at this point you completely forget about your ankle bc you want to slap the obliviousness out of his head

“no i don’t like him why would i be trying to set him up with aeri if i did??”

“well that’s wHY i was AsKInG!!!”

“ no i don’t like him i like you you idiot”

911 hyuck found dead on a mountain his heart exploded

you both just freeze while the production team is just smiling bc damn this episode is going to get the views to sKyrOCket

now hyuck is all (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ while you’re all (⊙ω⊙✿) bc fuck you just confessed to this boi who hasn’t even spoken to you before today

but hyuck just sits back on his heels and huffs and gets all pouty so now you’re all confusion bc y is this boy sad does he hAtE mE OH MY GOD

but then hyuck just goes “this whole time i thought you liked jihoon and i was too shy to talk to you so i thought i lost all chance with you but this whole time you liked me why am i so dumb oh my god the guys are never going to let me live this one down-”

and you know what you do to shut him up? a kiss on the CHEEk girlies not the lips consent is number one

and he blushes oooh boy and production crew is about to diE bc they know they’re getting a season renewal after this episode

eventually jihoon and aeri come down bc they noticed you guys went missing smh they were too wrapped up in each other

and they’re holding hands and smiling and you’re just like hell yea that’s my otp except they notice the paramedics around you so they’re all concerned but you’re just like nah fam it’s fine anyways tell me what happened on top of the mountain hmmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and they go on about how it was so romantic and you’re eating up until they noticed you and hyuck holding hands and now it’s their turn to interrogate you two

somehow you all make it off the mountain and your ankle was fine just need to ice it and you’ll be all good

a few days later after your ankle is 100% you and hyuck go on your first official date 

you get dinner and then walk around hongdae a bit before returning home and chill watching the tv

but hyuck can’t focus bc you just look so prEtTY and you can’t focus bc omg why is this boy staring at me???

you look over at him and make eye contact bc, well, he can’t take his eyes off of you

time freezes and you both slowly lean into each other until your lips meet

the kiss doesn’t last long bc you both can’t stop smiling

meanwhile the cameramen are all crying bc yall are just too cute and the producers are ready to be rolling in cash

the rest of the show is spent with you guys and jihoon and aeri fighting over who’s the real otp of the show while the other two housemates just watch in amusement like “oh these kids”

Masterlist

[twdmusicboxmystery]

8x06 Analysis and TD Goodness! ;D

So, how did everyone like last night’s episode? I actually really enjoyed it. We’ve moved beyond the story of the first four episodes, touched on most of the story lines and characters, and if feels like we’re not only heading into the next part of the story, but into whatever drama the MSF will consist of. This did feel like something of a bridge episode between the first part of 8a and the second part, but I liked it anyway.

***Reminder: Major spoilers for 8x06 in this post! Don’t read until you’ve watched. You’ve been warned!***

The Beginning

One of the first things it showed was Daryl on his bike, and he passed this place:

 At first I thought it might be the same place he passed in 6x06 right before he met Dwight, but that had the 642 sign. This doesn’t. Honestly, this looks most reminiscent of the crossroads me fell down at after chasing Beth all night. 

It also looks a lot like the place Rick and Carl passed in S4. TONS of S4 callbacks in this episode. Of course the similarities to the place in 6x06 work too because there as so much Beth symbolism in that episode:

It seems the characters left one another notes about how their part of the operation went. Obviously that was planned because cell phones don’t work anymore, and it seems to have worked pretty well in letting one another know how things are going. And of course I can’t help but think of Beth’s thank you note in Alone when I think of anyone leaving notes for one another.

There were actually a ton of things pointing to Still and Alone in this episode. I’ll get to them in a minute.

At one point, Michonne says it’s been a day and a half. The thing is, I think time is being staggered throughout the story lines. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen nighttime for Rick yet. Although he may spend the night in Jadis’s prison and that will be the first night for him. We did see night for FG and Negan last episode, and we saw it at the Hilltop with Jesus this episode. Anyway, Rick says they need two more days for the plan, and I think it was still the first day for him when he said that. So my point is that I’m thinking the entire plan will take 3 days. Three huh?

Because of the sunset in 7x16, a new arc began in S8. And Christ rose after three days. Just saying. Feeling more and more like the MSF might be big for us. ;D

I also want to note that this felt like a pivotal episode, even if we don’t know exactly why yet. In the voiceovers at the beginning, specifically Rick’s he said lots of things about how “the path has led us here” and this could be “our last fight.” That sort of thing. So whatever we’re heading into next is probably gonna be really epic for TF.

The Scavengers

The spoiler site got a few small details wrong. Jadis wasn’t painting. She was creating one of those wire animals, like the cat Rick took for Michonne. It looked to me like a pouncing tiger. Is she creating some kind of shrine to Shiva? We do know that she favor cats.

Rick pounding on the metal door felt like a callback to Terminus. And granted, I do have Terminus on the brain lately, but given what happens at the end, I think the callbacks are intentional. When the Scavengers open the door, we see what is essentially a black tunnel.

Now, in terms of the plot, that’s just the way into the junk yard that Rick comes through to meet with Jadis, as far as I can tell. But symbolically, it’s really interesting. Not only is it more Dark Tunnel Symbolism (X) but in this case, it’s not just a character being in a dark tunnel or seeing one. It’s like they open the doors and something is about to emerge from the dark tunnel. Interesting that the very next thing we see in the opening credits is the Beth flash. Several people in my group commented that the darkness of the tunnel made the flash more pronounced.

Sticking with the junk yard story, Rick and Jadis have a convo. I didn’t notice this until I rewatched with subtitles, but Jadis uses the words “still” and “alone” three times in about twenty seconds. Someone else said it later too, and I forgot to write down who. I think it was someone at the Hilltop. Jadis first asks Rick, “Alone?” Then a couple of sentences later says. “Still? Alone you.” These were some of the callbacks to those episodes. The biggest one in the plot had to do with Carzekiel. I’ll get to that in a minute.

So Jadis declines Rick’s offer, saying he talks too much (Really? Learn to talk in complete sentences, Lady. Then you can criticize) and takes him prisoner. Rick does say that his people know he’s there and what they do depends on her. So it does sound like they have a plan for if Jadis doesn’t cooperate. I’m interested to see what that is, as they haven’t shown anyone to be concerned that Rick hasn’t returned yet.

Then, of course, at the end, Rick is in the prison. SO many interesting things and callbacks in this 10-second scene. Everyone in my group commented on Jadis’s boots, that looked a whole lot like Beth’s. Not necessarily on the flat part that covers the foot, but on the tall part that wraps around her shins. They look exactly like Beth’s cowboy boots. Hmmm.

It’s been said before, but Rick’s eye peering out is reminiscent of Beth’s peering through the small gap in the elevator doors from the Skybound promo in S5.

The prison at large, of course, is reminiscent of being in the train car at Terminus. And remember in 5x16, Rick woke up after his fight with Pete and told Carol he thought for a minute that he was still in that train car. So it’s kind of interesting that he sort of is now, even though it’s at the junk yard rather than at Terminus. I wonder if being in this place could bring on a flashback to Terminus for Rick? Just a thought.

I also noticed that inside, Rick sits exactly like Daryl did in the Cell, with one knee up and the other leg stretched out.

Finally, Jadis draws an A on the outside of the door, just like the A on the train car at Terminus. See why I think the callbacks are purposeful? And yet more evidence that Terminus is about to become relevant again. One other detail about the A. 

I noticed that Jadis specifically draw a horizontal line at the top of the A before drawing the A itself. That felt purposeful. I’m not sure what the meaning is though. The only thing I found that might be relevant is something called an Accent Grave. (Interesting name.) It’s a common accent in other languages. One of the few things it’s used for in English…is music. (Lots of emphasis on music in this episode, btw!) Basically it can be used to make 1-syllable words into two syllables to fit musical notes. This is especially common in church and gospel songs. Read below:

I think it’s interesting that it describes it as giving a silent vowel a voice, specifically a song.

Again, I’m not entirely sure this is what they’re going for, though. The line Jadis makes looks more horizontal than the accent grave, which is at more of a 45 degree angle. Would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this.

Henry and Carol

Henry wants to fight, and I have to admit I was surprised how quickly Carol gave in and took him under her wing. Maybe it’s because of what he said about wanting justice for his brother’s death, and she can understand that. 

What she says to him is 100% about Sophia though. She says, “Do you know what happens to kids who wander around in the woods? They’re never seen again, and if they are, they’re monsters.” Yeah, totally about Sophia. Henry is unafraid, which I thought was really cool I REALLY hope he doesn’t die on her too. That’s been the pattern with kids around Carol. But I think he’ll either shatter her for good, or heal her. So I’m interested to see where this goes.

Carzekiel

So the convo between Carol and Ezekiel in the theater was very reminiscent of Beth and Daryl’s fight in Still. Understand that there weren’t any specific dialogue parallels that I caught. They don’t SAY the same things, but that’s because the issues are specific to their characters and arcs. Ezekiel and Daryl are not the same person, and of course neither are Beth and Carol.

But the structure is similar. Something tragic has happened (Hershel’s death and fall of the prison vs. all the Kingdomers being killed) and Daryl/Ezekiel feel guilty about it (not killing the Governor vs. getting his people killed). So they both become dark and withdrawn and emotionally shut down. Beth and Carol both draw their guys out of that dark place, refusing to let them wallow in self pity. (“We might as well do something.”/”Your people need you.”)

And I don’t even think the point of this is to parallel Bethyl (though I’m sure they’re conscious of the parallels as they write this). I think it’s more specifically about deepening the relationship between Carol and Ezekiel. Yeah, there’s definitely been tension and flirting, but it had to become more than that. There needed to be a deep emotional connection, as Bethyl and Richonne have had, and Carol and Ezekiel had to save one another emotionally. Now, granted the saving part hasn’t entirely happened yet, as Ezekiel is still refusing to come out this episode, but give it time.

I also think it’s interesting that Carol cried. It’s not that we don’t see her cry, but in the past it’s always been about her own pain, or an act to save someone else. She cried to Daryl in 7x10 about not being able to deal with killing anymore, but that was about her own guilt and her own demons. She cried in 6x13 when she and Maggie were taken prisoner. And yes, that was an act because she could kind of turn it off and on, but I also think it came from a place of real pain. Her pain. The act was about saving Maggie. But again, I don’t think we’ve seen her cry for the pain of another character before. She hasn’t sympathized with someone on this level since…Sophia.

And before anyone jumps down my throat, yes she sympathizes with Daryl about things, but we’ve never seen her cry specifically for him that I can think of. Even when Beth died, she was obviously worried about him and wanted to help, but she didn’t cry because of his pain. Here, she’s crying for Ezekiel and his pain, which outward really doesn’t have much to do with her. So this is affecting her on a different level. A romantic level. Hehe.

I also thought her line about acting was interesting. Yet another way we can see how well-planned this is. She said, “I have to act every day. It’s who I am and I’m still standing.”

A) This goes back to the “acting” theme we’ve seen around Carzekiel. And yet another way we see that this was planned well in advance. In 7x02, Ezekiel talked to her about playing parts. He called her out on her “act” of being a pleasant den mother when really she’s much more than that. He connected with her because he saw someone like him, and it made her uncomfortable that he saw through her like that, because no one else does.

We also saw her act in 6x13, which was long before Ezekiel was even in the picture. So clear back then (I’d argue when she first started acting to the Alexandrians in 5b) they were already planning this arc with Ezekiel and what they would connect over.

Remember in 5x16, Carol told Rick, Glenn, an Michonne that she’d been acting and “telling a story” to the Alexandrians since she arrived. Michonne didn’t like that and asked why. So even the people Carol’s closest to in TF don’t really understand why she feels the need to put on an act. I think Rick is the most conscious of her doing it, and he doesn’t question her on it, but they don’t’ really get it or empathize with her. Ezekiel does. That’s why they’re such a good fit.

B) This is just my opinion, but I was thinking last night about how Carol has been trying to leave TF since Lizzie and Mica died. She tried in 5x02 and Daryl stopped her. She finally did leave in 6x14 and ended up at the Kingdom. I kind of think that saying what she said, about how she acts everyday and it’s who she is, is something new for her. I wonder if part of the reason she kept trying to leave is that she can’t reconcile who she really is with the act she puts on. 

I personally think that hearing Ezekiel talk about how he plays the part in order to serve his people, and that’s okay, was maybe what healed her and made her realize that putting on the act to protect others is okay. There doesn’t have to be a schism. So his words really may have healed her enough to make her realize that it’s who she is and how she survived, and she doesn’t have to hide from it anymore. Now the tables are turned and she’s saying the same thing to him. 

I think you could argue something similar happened with Bethyl. After realizing she wanted to live, we know from what Beth told Carol in S3 that she admired Daryl, especially his determination not to let people (like Judith) die. He taught her to be strong and determined even before they spent much time together. After the prison, the tables were turned and she taught himself that it was okay to open himself up emotionally as well. I’m sure we could also find a Richonne parallel to this.

We also had an “I’m was okay” line from Carol. More of that theme, which also hearkens back to Beth. Okay, enough of my Carzekiel rant. If you can’t tell I’m really loving this story line. ;D

Oh, one more thing. The door wasn’t locked. Kind of a comedic moment, but I feel like there’s deeper significance to that. Not sure exactly what. We know when something IS locked, they always need a key to open it (key theory), so Carol bull dozing her way in with the gun probably wouldn’t have brought Ezekiel around. Maybe it just shows that, while he’s being stubborn, he’s still open to coming back from it in some way. He hasn’t truly locked himself away yet. I don’t know. Just felt important.

Maggie/Hilltop

Just a few small details here. They focused on the watch, which looked to still read 6:20. To me, that tells me Maggie is thinking of Glenn. She’s trying to make a decision about the prisoners Jesus brought and probably wondering what he would do in her position.

Gregory tells her to “connect the dots.” Just a random reference, but it reminded me of “the signs are all there. You just gotta know how to read them.” And in general of tptb wanting us to find Easter eggs and connect things.

There’s a lot of biblical imagery in this story line. One of the prisoners (don’t know his name) says to Jesus, “I’m not an angel. Ain’t no such thing.” Kind of interesting. I wonder if we’ll see more of this theme or where it will go. Makes me think of the angel wings on Daryl’s vest. And if there are no angels, it shows that most of the characters are in a very dark place right now.

Gregory also talks about Maggie being a shepherd, and sheep and wolves. Definitely biblical imagery there, especially from Matthew. And when he says this, a white horse picture is behind Maggie. (Horse Theory). And remember that white horse = Beth. So talk of the shepherd (Christ) saving the sheep from the wolves, and meanwhile a picture we think represents Beth is in the shot. Just saying.

Later, Aaron talks to Maggie and Enid about his grief over Eric. He asks if it gets easier and Maggie says, “No. But it helps to do something about it.” It reminded me of Andrea’s line to Beth: “The pain doesn’t go away. You just make room for it.”

And I thought it was sweet that Maggie was taking care of Gracie. Me: “Awww.” Don’t know why. Just liked that.

The Fat Lady:

So we had Michonne and Rosita’s story merge with Tara and Daryl’s in a very music-central story line. This was probably the biggest TD thing I saw in the episode. The most obvious thing is that it revolved around music, but let’s back up a minute.

When Daryl and Tara talk on the porch, it was noted in my FB group that he said “maybe” several times. “Maybe we can both kill him. Maybe we don’t gotta wait so long.” That’s reminiscent of him saying “maybe” to Beth twice at the funeral home in Alone. (Yet another callback to Alone.) “Maybe you don’t gotta leave that [note]. Maybe we stick around here for a while.” So once again, I’m feeling like Tara is a stand-in for Beth. And now she and Daryl are headed off together.

Lots of musical references here. They called the big speakers “the Fat Lady” because it’s all over when the fat lady sings. When Michonne confronted the female savior, the woman says, “You don’t look so good, girl. Somebody tune you up?”

I gotta say, the whole sequence where Rosita pulls a Daryl and blows someone up with a rocket launcher, and then Daryl comes out of nowhere and smacks into Fat Lady truck was awesome. Pure TWD goodness!

I do wish we’d have seen this story from Daryl and Tara’s POV. They were probably drawn by the music the same as Michonne and Rosita were, and that would have been interesting. Either way, Daryl was still drawn by the music and we have another example of him not really wanting to hear it. I know he took the “fat lady” down because it would have freed the Sanctuary, but still. Thematically, we had him asking Rick not to play music in 6x10, and now him bulldozing music in this episode. He’s really not all about the music since he lost Beth.

When Michonne and Rosita stand in front of the building and watch Daryl hit the Fat Lady truck, a three is clearly visible behind Michonne. And the truck Daryl uses looks a lot like a garbage truck to me. Not sure what to make of that, other than to tie in some way to the Scavengers? Not a whole lot more to say, except this definitely felt like things were getting “acoustic.” Between the music and the green ball Michonne kicked and the 3, this hopefully this story line will eventually lead to Beth in some way.

Carl/Siddiq

Glad we have confirmation that this character is Siddiq. I’m not super-familiar with his CB arc, and they could change it for the show anyway, but I do know he has ties to Oceanside.

More than anything else, these scenes were just interesting, and I’m wondering where they’ll go. The walker traps Siddiq built were kind of a callback to Morgan’s walker traps in Clear. Siddiq says he’s killed 237 walkers. Don’t know if that number is significant or not.

Then there’s a dead deer. (Deer theory). Remember that if the deer is dead, someone else is alive. It COULD have been for Carl, because it looked like he might get bitten there for a minute, but I doubt it. Usually the person is gravely injured, often by being shot. Carl wasn’t actually hurt.

I will say that having the walkers pile up on him like that when he was on his back was a big visual callback to 4b. That same thing happened when Rick slept for a day after the prison and Carl went out on his own. And that’s super-interesting to me because there were so many parallels in that episode, both in Rick’s and Carl’s story lines that pointed to Beth’s arc. Now we’re seeing both the dead deer AND a callback to that.

There was also a blond, female walker involved, who Siddiq killed. Interestingly, we didn’t actually see him kill her. First he was fighting her, then she was just laying on the ground. So we didn’t actually see him shoot or stab her in the head. Just saying.

One last note and I promise I’ll shut up. They mentioned a lot of titles in this episode. Not only Still and Alone, as I already said, but I heard them say “Now” and “The Next World.” There may have been others I didn’t catch. I seem to remember hearing another one, but can’t remember what it is and didn’t write it down. (*slaps forehead with palm*) The Next World is where Rick and Daryl met Jesus, and Now was Maggie in the dark tunnel with Aaron. So kind of interesting. But I felt like they went out of their way to mention past titles in this episode.

Again, just shows a lot of things are coming to a head. As Rick said at the beginning, the path has led them all here, and past episodes are being echoed.

That’s it for today. Anyone see anything I missed? I’ll probably do a TTD post tomorrow. ;D

[howtomovefreely]

Objective (3-D) ¡  Keep track of lessons created to HELP (1) move freely throughout my day PHYSICALLY while tracking Triggers & Flashbacks (TF) AND NOW THE REFLECTION : huh?

This was an insurmountable task & I ALWAYS SAY, “EVERYTHING IS SURMOUNTABLE.”  It’s my two cats, one trying to mount the other & why I think about the question, “How did you get your cats?” and I start to see how fragments of sentences & words remind of other things, this not being the way my mind works only I was able to connect my thinking & not forget what I was saying. That is the same with reading and writing.  When there are multiple things in your life that mimicking each other & now visuals & touching are also areas that ARE WAY DIFFERENT.

     Two Options

Two options always, write or not write / to do any fine motor or gross motor requiring lifting or pulling my body & neck pain spikes!  

Weapon of choice is the pencil for graphite and the color gray / the color of truth a blended mix of black & white why we’re going to do this mother right 

PEACE, LOVE, HARMONY, CUDDLES & SAFE PLACES to LEARN, PLAY & WORK IN / found all my old loves c’est la vie for the only Revolution

Dreamed in French on day 18 & why when I travel I try to live like a native, naturally / doing natural things, breathing is the objective, the way to, to sing

For every ptsd memory there’s a LOVING ONE doing battles with weapons & ways of death that are still haunting me / the body/brain duality enacted in times of misery that lasted for 7 and 9-months & still you ask for evidence to NEVER discuss the solutions that could seriously change this child’s life right now?  To have harmony with two opposing forces, The Day & The Night, demanding their due, a validation that led to BOO HOO & why this was the point that I knew to FOCUS ON to PULL THROUGH.  It requires “true friends” who can’t do anything but supportive : it’s simply too easy not to do.

Accountability & Transparency : MODEL IT : How?!

ED IT all triggers that are present in a safe space : created 20+ and finding what is most natural & how to take breaks that are the right amount of time to adequately step away to “not die” but also not to lose the tri(grrr) since it WILL COME UP AGAIN & the point is to snuff it out with self-awareness & the decision to say, “NO!”

magic : intrinsic motivation that’s in all of us : change trigger to tiger

with any new skill or bad habit, nothing changes overnight

Teachers who scaffold have put THOUGHT into learning styles, classroom management & their own job performance which quite frankly, if you’re doing the RIGHT THING & open to feedback, there should be no worry

Document if “nighttime” is better in terms of “triggers” & moments “fear is present” since if you’re able to MAKE A SCHEDULE that ACCOMMODATES sleep. Zzz the #1 direct correlation to pain, anticipated pain, fatigue rate, stamina level, literally, do EVERYTHING since then you’ve eliminated while helping self at the same time & then it’s on the next hurdle...

Allow all safe spaces to be open & accessible if feeling “open & accessible” & if not, then it’s okay to closer all safe spaces!

When I forget about a safe space, I wasn’t meant to go there.  If I “trip” across it, the NOW NATURAL reaction of the body is to not try and FIND IT thinking “this could be the thing that fixes it all.”  after trauma you are...

trying to end it for all & hopeful that you can with THIS ONE : isn’t this kind of like sports pressure?  Any ADRENALINE can alter body state & prepare for flight, fight or freeze. LOWER THRESHOLD for pain

quick review 

all the time in my neck, back, trapezius & head (dizziness: constant 2-4/10 & increases with activities/movement) since 4/2016 no nausea 3-5x/hour; since 2/2018

Tracking after I stopped triggering from the “t” sound.  T for Teacher.  Going from NO MOVEMENT since hurt to YES MOVEMENTS since now I can work through the pain is literally going from one extreme to another : kind of how depression & mania work but these terms are way too harsh.  You’re cranky because you’re in pain & 3-4 even 7 days in a row (level: immobile & mostly in shower trying to dampen it while hurling a little & can’t hold you know what).  This makes you mental & created a palsy in my face & hands & couldn’t operate mobile.  That was 8-hours & one day I’ll provide all the details, but not here & not until I’m ready, 100%.  What a luxury & why I don’t have to question why my life [to them] was worthless since the next thought is THEIR LIVES.  THE KIDS WHO I TAUGHT & this is where neck pain goes up!  Finger pains are up!  I feel my elbow, arm, leg, thigh...

RELIEF When there’s an hour, a minute, a second when pain shifts or the for the first time I NOTICED I was getting a headache instead of anticiaipting pain constnatly, there was a break and for a second I was PAIN-FREE/SENSATION-FREE.  The seconds mattered since once I counted to 8 & even addd 2 since I probably didn’t notice right away, but only did that when it started getting beyond 8 seconds, and you do that too (whatever you feel) to NOTE what it is you’re really trying to say.  When it’s safe to feel safe, you just do!  When you’re body feels better & your mood lifts, you are thankful, at last since it’s getting BETTER

and what about when it gets worse...

you question.  you look.  you listen.  you “confront” & this is where that pesky word “disagreement” enters 

all the time HOPE : no dizziness ever!  For 10 seconds!  Maybe 15 seconds.  Celebrate all goals.  

Physical check-in

Able to crouch (20 secs), jump (twice), run for more than a minute if necessary and my pain is beginning to cause more cracks, pops in my neck when moving side-to-side and fully up & down!!!  (in order to hold that pose, needed to have head on couch, with hand support & only for 2 seconds and created a “rolling” motion) ∆ MUST recognize impact & this is probably why so many things have been broken around me.  I grab too hard or not on target.  So go slower, but have more pain since quicker movements allow my body’s nerves to glide, but to go slow is the next step.  SLOW IT DOWN & let body adjust as you did when you had to go FAST to lower pain, problems with STIGMA (health care, big time!) & at the same time, a natural pain release.  

Did you know nerves like to glide?  

When I learned this 1.5 years in, it changed my life.  It’s allowed me to have minimal control over pain & that’s important.  So the last 3 years have been mastering the glide & slide & whirl & twirl & crouch & whip & hold & kiss.  These are easy movements because I demand that I get them down in order to be prepared for what’s unpredictable.  I can predict my pain so stay ahead of it.  Be ready for what comes at you without warning.  People.  Cars.  Lies.  Abuses.  Triggers.  Warnings & hate-filled assholes who will use whatever they can to “avoid blame.”  I’m ready to tell this story : It takes a very long time to get to safe place for your entire body.  The focus before was SUICIDE.  REMOVE that & there’s no problems so identified what it was 

Feeling of worthlessness that people did to you by lying to your face and removing safety becuase no one had CONTROL ✔️✔️

Removing it : present tense : currently doing that by sharing triggers to create “safe spaces” that is an iCloud.  REAL clouds remind self life is always changing, just like emotions, moods & feelings & this is LITERATURE & why it gets the biggest thank you of all!  There is never the same sky at any minute & how amazing to think all the different sunsets & sunrises they’ll be in one lifetime?  I’m not sure sure we’re not gazing at the clouds more, but for now the iCloud is the way to scatter their shit & since I wrote this, I know it’s flipped.

Live naturally, meaning desire for every breath, never done redundantly.  Life is death & death is what scares us, but never me, having faced that already at an early age, this physical abuse, you’re in the moment asking “What did I do?” but in this case, it was “How can you keep doing this?” and other questions, oh yes, I will persist.  I don’t know the word QUIT when it involved the HARMS these people in power positions did & no alarms were sounded. Discriminating children with special needs is NOT HOW MY WORLD WAS FOUNDED.

EDucate it : elevate difference : never be frustrated : the words I write are actually EVIDENT or NOT EVIDENT : how the hell can someone keep ignoring this!?

ED IT : 1st STEP ∆ Prerequisite knowledge ø brain structure, features, form/function, how to keep it healthy & why I am not going to teach anatomy or physiology, my strength is combining teams that have DESIRE to work collaboratively...

...in a nutshell, you go back to the past to learn how to adjust to the present (which was too harrowing due to violence)

ORGANIZE IT : 2nd STEP ∆  Labeled according to TYPE (1) put artIfacts away by maintaining a record of what I’ve learned about auditory processing & all factors that affect Attention, Concentration, Awareness of self, mind, body, environment & (2) learn from it now that I have my “thinking” back since physically head sensations have been diminished after leaving THE MOST UNHEALTHY SITUATION : stigma in the health care field & their very acts of denial of safety, acceptance of NO KNOWLEDGE & insistence of an opinion without any supporting evidence is what the PROBLEM is.  IDENTIFIED it & now, let’s fix it. 

Do this process with consciousness, finally, since it all goes out & that’s the FEAR, of telling the truth, that hasn’t sat well with me?  Ok, let’s explore this...

TYPE (vague on purpose) : H or S or HS or SH (depending on which one is MAIN versus which is a Trigger or Flashback e.g. SHT | crying and use of words “I’m going to kill you” or “I’m going to poke your eyes out” or “I’m going to kill myself” since happened in both settings, S, first (supported by H) and led to Flashback so direct connection to WORSE emotion which lead to issues of self-control; self-regulation due to darkness (most severe that snuffs out hope) 

this is code

Here’s the key:  the violence that occurred in a school/work setting was repeated in a home setting with the purpose of making it WORSE for someone who has verbally explained all fears in exactly the way that it happened.  These PTSD memories are obvious & they feel smaller every day now.  Called shit (as in their bullshit) and finally, scum since I see a dirty pond or marsh & when it’s in the bathroom, it’s really gross.  We’ve got the word & now let’s move on

What is necessary to shake TRAUMA : remove scum.  EZ

SENSING that boundary between “this is enough” & “I’ve had enough” : snuffs out humiliation : (2-D) ¡  A devotion to self, an unshakeable self-esteem to never need validation & what’s the harm in THIS : shows WHO IS IN YOUR BRAIN & if it’s a voice form the past who blamed you for something & you fight TO PROVE them wrong, you’ve chosen the wrong person since they vouched for you ALRIGHT : the goal : put all these pesky ptsd memories/moments away & to do that VALIDATE them & to do that show how EMOTIONS works in individuals who MUST guess & why must they guess . . . they’re observing, too and what do they see?!  Those without a way to understand emotions are trying their hardest & this is what I’ve learned with kids & adults with emotional dysregulation, they really need validation to say “you’re doing the right thing” even if it’s the wrong thing.  They can’t process their own behaviors because of PAIN & HURT they’ve felt every single day of their lives...

That creates an absolute & that means to VERBAL CUE : all, no one, every time, always, never, everyone, words that indicate in ability to properly & honestly self-assess.  This the power white color to get me to a blank canvas a spark a desire to create & what is it that I’m creating.  One FINal lesson to say this is what I’ve learned about violence & what should never be accepted.  Hypocrisy, cruelty & evil.  There is no other word for it. 

This is their first weapon in distracting from the real issues : destroy your voice

Said it 1,000,000x : good use of exaggeration & now GROWTH can accelerate

anxiety USES fears to maintain a buzz of constant attention, areas where voice matters (for once) : & now activate the USE of GUILT

sadness OVERWHELMED by acute loneliness over extended periods & this self-Identity of being REJECTED becomes too much 

anger that pops out of nowhere & the instantaneous sense of overwhelming loss of control where people “feel unsafe” so the rallying cry is to stabilize the one that is “losing it” and oh no oh no oh no...

A sense of immediate reaction heightened & then disappears is a cycle between _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ . 

sum up these emotions, give them their rightful owners & send it to the universe  

Process ¡  Emphasize cyclical relationship between mind + body & how tech can help & harm | How to understand FAITH in the invisible “truths” one must accept with tech since what you say is EXPERT & SPECIALIZED knowledge THROUGH GENERATIONAL dysfunction guided by PTSD memories of WHAT WAS GIVEN/PROVIDED/TAUGHT in childhood | not going to mention my childhood except when the ptsd memory relates to the very wrong assumption that was the catalyst for the past to come rushing up at me due to denial of bodily safety & continuation of denials after repeated attempts at some response. 

How many false starts & first days as the next day becomes a blank of the previous & makes me question how do organizational systems work...WORTH IT

Day 1:  Absolutes & Identify 2-D transformed to A, B, C --->  3-D

Always, never, no one, everyone : INTRO 1/10 t FLIP worst to best & to encourage hope | T-note

did this spontaneously above, noting the frequency of absolute which  means that ptsd memory is ready to bring into the light & it goes HERE ✔️

First step in identifying self is identifying self in all the ways you identify with.  This is from the past the bold ones are still true today.  Whatever is added at the end is added at the end & this is how you learn about yourself.  You think deeply & take risks at exposure & why you find a partner to trust since the only thing in this world are the stories you tell each other, to be who you want to be, and to a survivor, you want to be not damaged, not hurting & not scared.  

still the same !!! ✔️American, femme, cis-gender, warrior badass subconscious unicorn berserker : a teachable moment personified : imagineer & humanist who doesn’t know “no” : mentally fierce - emotionally complex - behaviorally predictable & severely feeling thanks to NERVE DAMAGE, TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY & several tag teams who told me, showed me, insisted, than persisted to reveal how they LOATHE DIFFERENCE to reveal HOW people can DO what they claim “I’ll never do!”  That was the crux of it all  what triggers one person is the SAME : the lie of “I never intended to...”

be stronger than these warmongers ✔️

activate imagination ✔️

destroy negative thinking while simultaneously launching love bombs one after the other meaning any opportunity to do good in small & large moments you take them, press in, and see what pops up.  Perhaps there’s beauty in places you never considered possible ✔️✔️🚀

The Confirmation 

How to successfully rebuild a life : prerequisite for SELF-LOVE, SELF-CARE & SELF-IMAGE is TRUST in SELF : use what you know, what you want to know & reflect on what you’ve learned to create the path that works for you.  I think I just did it.  I was honest with “safe” people from my past & their response was really kind.  Thank you for that.  It’s pretty easy once you get a sense for people & who they are when there’s “trouble” or “grief” or “pain” & you question how that happens?  What lives have they led?